#and i think alucard sees that too even if it is based around how annoying zemi is lol

[corvidcrybaby]

Zemira being an entry into The Fool repertoire a la Yiddish folk tales is more than just a gag. While she obviously is used for humor a grand majority of the time, often at her own expense, there is a particular character trait of The Fool which is integral to her personality, and that is the simple trait of kindness. In folk tales where the Fool appears, they are often deemed foolish simply because they go out of their way to do things which are kind, fair, just, and compassionate, even when it severely detriments themselves or puts them in undesirable situations. Sharing food with animals when they have none to spare to begin with, showing kindness to muggers even at their own peril, putting forth endless amounts of effort into helping those around them even when they have no reason to believe that this will help them in any way.

It goes to show how cutthroat a world Ashkenazi Jews lived in for the centuries in which these stories were born, given the way the majority of the other characters in these stories sneer, chide and wave their finger at The Fool's empathetic behavior - very much a case of when you give money to a panhandler and your parents tell you "he's probably just going to spend it on drugs, ugh." The Fool is considered buffoonish and stupid simply because they refuse to accept the cruelty of the world they live in as the norm, and even when it goes against their better judgment and simple logic, they always end up doing the right thing, and often times those who decry them end up seeing the error of their ways.

Think, then, about the things Zemira has done throughout her fic and even moreso what she will do in the future - treating Alucard as though he's just another human coworker and apologizing to him when she worries she's hurt his feelings, not fearing Seras for a second and in fact befriending her outright upon joining Hellsing, looking upon Guard with childlike wonder and excitement whilst Logan was utterly terrified of the golem, and hell, even the act of joining Hellsing at all could be considered a self-sacrificial act in the interest of protecting other people.

Zemira is an extremely compassionate person who has had those instincts beaten down by others around her for so long that embracing them again feels like self-sabotage; but it is, in fact, the truest and purest thing she can do for herself as The Fool. Hellsing is not a universe which treats those who are gentle with mercy or kindness - which makes people like her that much more special and precious. I think it's no wonder she's managed to worm her way into the hearts of people like Integra and Alucard. Most people like that don't make it very far, but she's still here alive and kicking. That's something to be proud of, and I think it's something Seras recognizes in her too, even if Zemi doesn't see it yet herself.

[beevean]

What annoys you about the Netflix version of Castlevania? 👀

Mostly the fact that it has become the face of the series. I pointed out already that on AO3, 2/3rds of Castlevania fics are based on the cartoon - at best, some fics aren't even tagged.

Tumblr is even worse. Search for "Castlevania" and notice how many posts are about the cartoon.

For more specific things... I may have become a fan of the series relatively recently, but to me the whole show feels like the showrunners really wanted to make a Berserk anime, and slapped on it the Castlevania aesthetic. And I'm a big Berserk fan! But not when you mix concepts this way. Just because both series deal with monsters and are set in the middle ages doesn't mean that they have quite the same vibe.

Then there is the questionable treatment of characters. Grant was adapted out of what was supposed to be a C3 adaptation because Ellis decided that his name was stupid and that his pirate-like appearance didn't fit the setting, even though Grant isn't a pirate, he's a thief. Trevor is pigeonholed in the character archetype of "drunkard asshole", even though he already had a fairly interesting personality in Curse of Darkness that could have been elaborated on, honorable but arrogant and hotheaded. Carmilla hasn't appeared much in the series, but the few times she did, she sure wasn't a radfem girlboss who dismissed Dracula as yet another "stupid old man". And boy help you if you like Hector, Isaac and/or St. Germain, because they bothered to bring them back, but the former is... well, I don't know what other term to use but he was pretty much ukeified, with how his main trait seems to be naiveté and how he gets imprisoned, beaten up and enslaved (did we really need to see his dick flap around as Lenore is beating the shit out of him? Now you're just humiliating him); and the other two have nothing in common with their game counterparts other than their names and somewhat their powers. You know why I reblog Isaac fanart from 10 years ago? Because now the tag is full of posts about the Netflix character (even "Isaac Laforeze", even though by logic it makes no sense that Netflix!Isaac would be called that way, Julia Laforeze doesn't exist in the cartoon), with some fans even saying things like "sometimes wildly deviating from the source material is the best idea" :') also, how can you even write Death as not being the biggest Dracula simp? C'mon.

(yes I'm particularly bitter about Isaac. I would have accepted if they just replaced him with an OC, and I'm sure that Netflix!Isaac is a great character too so I understand why he's so popular. Replacing the original version with an OC but keeping the same name is just sleazy, like you want credit for "fixing" the "bad" character but not putting any thought in salvaging what could be salvageable, it's lazy)

Another thing that I find sus is the overabundance of OCs. I'm biased because I watched in real time IDW Sonic shift focus from the canon characters to the new characters to the point that the cover of #50 didn't even feature the titular character, but it says something that big bad Dracula dies halfway through, and then the series is about a council of 4 new villains. And yes, I'm biased because of scenes like this:

Tell me if it doesn't look like the show really wants to show how #girlboss Carmilla is compared to dumb Dracula. He can't even command a room.

Then there are... dubious writing moments. The series makes the common mistake of thinking that swearwords are witty, to the point that even Alucard says "fuck you" to Trevor and shows him the middle finger (because haha he's becoming like trevor). St. Germain is just embarassing, going from a refined yet quirky 19th century dandy man to someone who says "I am immortal and glorious, and all these other people smell of piss" or "God is now standing right in front of you. And soon, very, very, soon... he's going to have sex again". And Death... oh, Death, what happened to you...

I'm also baffled when they try to apply logic to vampire lore? It feels like the writers felt too smart for their own good. I can't find it on YT but at one point the character just stop in their tracks to argue the validity of the conception that vampires can't cross running water, just because. And the explanation to why every vampire hates crosses is just ridiculous, sorry.

And then there's the offensive stuff. Hector sticks his dick in Lenore, she tricks him into becoming her sex slave/pet, and yet in the next season they basically develop feelings for each other? And she's painted in a tragic light? She's basically Dahlia Hawthorne with a dom fetish (which I'm not even opposed to, she seems to be an interesting villain at first) and I'm supposed to feel sorry for her? In the same episode there's a random threesome between Alucard and two people he welcomed into the castle, but it was all a ruse to try to kill him, and he's traumatized for... a few episodes? Then he gets better? Just enough to show him pissing on their corpses. Thanks.

(and I'm not even getting into the fact that Ellis himself has been accused of sexual misconduct, which makes these scenes even more uncomfortable)

So yeah. I don't personally resent Netflixvania, and I know that there are some good moments in it ("Lisa, I'm killing our boy..."), but from what I've seen so far, the series simply doesn't deserve to massively overshadow the game series - not even because of quality issues, but because at the end of the day it doesn't have much to do with the games beyond some superficial references.

[lesmismignon]

replying to anon messages

In this post I shall reply to the messages that have been sitting in my inbox for a regrettably long period of time. (It is loooooong. Please click “keep reading” at your own risk.)

I’m not a very good correspondent. I’m very sorry. I never know what to say right off the bat, and then during 2019 and 2020 when I was mostly on hiatus, I would just post a chapter or two and poof back out, and on Tumblr I would browse a few things and then poof back out. I do not have a good track record with social media and online presence in general. And with real life problems (mostly due to work), at worst it was impossible to muster even the strength to write. It was maddening.

But there is something about Hellsing and its fandom that reels me back in even when I am far away. Excuse me if this sounds cheesy, but for me fandoms are like the orbit of a comet. If it is something that you loved, and will continue to love even when you are not “active” on it, you will come back to it, someday, somehow. I’ll always be grateful to Hellsing, for being an inspiration to write, for being a bridge to some of my dearest relationships, for some of the kindest messages I’ve ever received in my life.

you freed yourself for a job that was not good for you and related to toxic people (Integra-like – demanding the respect you deserve). That is badass brave – and that doesn’t become less by that fact that maybe the next job you got is not the end of the journey but still part of the way. And you are brave by sharing your work, sharing your stories revealing parts of your emotional world to the outside – that is totally bad as too. I think you can be very proud of you, really. So maybe right now, you might be in situation that does not yet make you happy in way you deserve it. But you know- there is big chance that this is part of your journey to this place – imagine, in some time from now, you may be a successful (brilliant you are already) author and in an interview you say something like “yes, back there in 2016/17 I went through some tough times, that influenced the work very much I got this price for today”. So just in case you maybe cannot see it right now yourself – please allow me to tell you – you are brave and wonderful. And re. the brave decision you mentioned – I know I am not in the position to tell you anything – but please do not do any harm to you. So, thank you so much for your work you share with the world, my life is better with it. Take care for yourself, you deserve the best. (so sorry, I am really not good with words, hope you get my point….)

Anon, this was the kindest thing you could have ever done for little 2016/17 me. Oh God. Time does fly by so fast. I want you to know that I read this message a long time ago, and it gave me strength to go on, even though I’m not sure if I am so brave, to be compared to our lady Integra >< I hope you are happy and safe, wherever you are. I hope you know how brave and wonderful *you* are. Thank you so much.

just wanted to drop by and say I love all your fanfictions! You capture Integra and Alucard's characters so well; I LOVE it. Take all the time you need updating. You deserve it. And good luck at your job! <3

Ah, I probably changed jobs like twice since then. But they have been all good and meaningful in their own ways. I really did not mean to take THIS long in updating but I hope that you enjoyed the recent updates if you are still reading, thank you so much!

Why can I not write here? I just wanted you to know I am grateful for the reading joys that are 'Snow White' and 'Satis'...

Thank you Anon! I am so glad you enjoyed them!

I LOVE SATIS SO MUCH YOUR WRITING IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND FLOWY AND IT MAKES ME CRY PLEASE KEEP UP THE BRILLIANT WORK!!

Thank you Anon! You give me too much praise, but I shall indeed try to keep it up!

Hey so please don't take this as me pressuring you but I absolutely adore Satis! Is there any chance we might know when the next update is coming in? Totally understand if not- it sounds like work is taking a lot out of you and I understand that you're writing fan fiction purely for fun but DAMN IF I DON'T WANT TO READ MORE OF YOUR FIC OMG I LOVE IT SO MUCH ASDFGHJKL!!!

I’m sorry it’s been ages! I’ll tell you my schedule(???) for this year instead! For this year of 2021 I really hope to average maybe at least 1 chapter a month but I don’t know how I’ll fare during the busy months. I hope you enjoyed the recent chapters if you are still reading!

@fierce-little-miana Can you believe that I have just noticed that I had given you any kudos for Snow White or Satis?! Sorry! Your stories are really worth all the praise we can give them. (so I corrected it) Have a nice day!

Thank you! I’m terribly sorry for this late reply. You’ve been so kind and sent so many lovely messages. Thank you again for each and every one of them!

@sinish-tem Hey sorryy for bothering you but. That ALutegra fic was AMAZING!!I LOVE IT!Amazing job sport<3

You’re not bothering me at all! Thank you old sport!

So I don't mean to rush you or be annoying or anything, but is Satis still happening? (plz plz say yes)

You’re not being annoying! I’m sorry it took so long! Yes :)

Hello! So, um, I have to ask... is Satis going to be updated? It’s just that it’s one of my absolute favorite stories by my absolute favorite author!

Thank you! I’m honored! I hope you enjoyed the recent chapters if you’re still reading!

Hi! Are you still around? Are you doing ok?

Yes, I am fine now, thank you :) I hope you are doing well, too!

@aniphine Hi! First off, I want to say that I absolutely love your writing style and am so looking forward to diving into all of your fics! I just finished Satis and it’s definitely in my Top 10 Fanfics ever, which is saying something! Thanks so much for writing it. On that note, I wanted to ask if you had plans to update it? If not, that’s totally cool - what you’ve written already is fantastic. But if so, I’d pledge my life to you in order to get a chance at reading more. 😆 Anyhoo, you’re awesome! 👋

Thank you so much! You are awesome too! I’m honored that Satis is in your top 10!!

@dontfuckingfollowmeifpornblog You still around?

I am now! Thank you!

@comixqueen Hello have I told you that I really love your Hellsing fics? ;u;/ They're among the best out there and I reread them often!

Thank you very much. That means a lot to me from you. Thank you for rereading, I’m always wary of my earlier writing but I’m glad if people still enjoy them.

I have never squealed higher than when I received the notification for the new chapter of Satis. You are a true blessing <3 thank you for your words

You are a blessing! Thank you so much!

Hello! I know you're not very active around here, but I just saw a trailer for a movie based on the letters of Vita and Virginia, and I was immediately reminded of Satis and the quotes you so expertly used in the narration, and I thought I might tell you in case you're interested in the movie (the title is literally Vita and Virginia) <3

Thank you Anon! I did see the trailer! I haven’t seen the movie yet though, but I will, eventually! I am so glad you think I did the quotes justice! It’s such a beautiful quote.

Not sure how to start this, might be a little bold, and yet; let me simply say that I am in love with your written works. In fact, so much so that I read it all again, and again. It never ceases to amaze. And as for you, the person behind it all, you do seem immensely precious as well. I hope that you have the most fantastic day, you deserve no less.

Anon, you are so very kind. Thank you so much for your lovely words. I am just an ordinary person unusually invested in a particular set of fictional characters xD and I am often late to things and a bad correspondent, but I must be doing something right if you’re sending me a message as lovely as this. Thank you again, I hope you are having fantastic days as well.

Honestly ive read your snow white fic years ago but I loved it insanely much and im about to read it again today ^.^

Thank you Anon! Ah, Snow White. I am very glad you still enjoy it. It is so old, and I wish I had the courage to edit it and spruce it up, or even update an extra or two...

Are you ever planning to continue Satis? I’m in love with that piece of work.

Thank you Anon! Yes! I hope you enjoyed the recent chapters!

My literal text to a friend of mine that's also a fan of Satis when I got the AO3 mail about the new chapter was: "NOW THEY'RE FINALLY STARTING TO BE *HAPPY* HOLIDAYS"

I am very glad I was able to bring you holiday cheer. Would it be bold of me if I say I aim to bring you non-holiday cheer as well, now? xD Thank you so much!

HEY JUST CAME HERE TO SAY I LOVE SATIS, OKAY BYYYYE

HELLO ANON! THANK YOUUUUU

[bleuwolf99]

Tombstone  Part I (Mobile Legends Fanfic)

Alucard and Zilong as best friends. Contains minor ZiluFrey or Zilong/Freya also other common ML ships (e.g. ClintxLayla, LancelotxOdette). I’m deeply sorry for any grammatical errors and spellings. I’ve proofread this but in case I missed something...

VICTORY

  “Good work, team.” says a blond haired female warrior. Her golden armour shining under the bright sun. Her wings slowly fading away as she cancels her inner Valkyrie.

 Layla, the twin ponytail gunner, collapsed to the ground. “God, that was so hard!” She whined making her cowboy boyfriend chuckled. Clint was on the opposite team for today’s match. He was the dominating one during the early game but he was impressed that his girlfriend’s team managed to do a comeback.

 (If only that motherfucker Akai didn’t fall asleep at the base)

 “You did great, babe.” Clint praised, helping Layla up to her feet. She leaned against him for support and they left the arena along with the others. Only except one.

 Zilong stared at the crumbled ruins of the red team’s base. Minions swept away the red stone and rebuild the main tower. The other minions did the same for the rest of the arena. The announcer warned for previous heroes to leave the arena for the next match to be prepared. Zilong would be as happy as the others when they came the winner but since the past few days, he felt empty.

 As if someone was missing…

 “Zi?”

 The eastern warrior turned around and met Freya. The blond haired Valkyrie had one brow raised in a questioning manner. Her shield and sword were gone, probably stored in her secret weapon dimension. “Is there something wrong?” She asked.

 Of all the females in the Land of Dawn, Freya was the one closest to him. They used to be the worst enemies but one single match made them close friends. Freya owed Zilong for protecting her from enemies and Zilong, on the other hand, owed Freya for helping him with one of his mission. From then on, they became best friends.

 Maybe even better.

 “Zi, are you okay?” She asked again when she got no answer form her long haired fighter. “You’re spacing out a lot lately.”

 Zilong shook his head. He shared many things with Freya but not this one. “It’s nothing. I was just thinking?”

 “About what?”

 The spearman bit his bottom lip in thought. He needed a good lie to distract Freya from getting any suspicious thoughts. “It’s a about my father. We had a serious talk last week.”

 Thankfully Freya knew about his trip to the dragon king. The girl’s face melted into something calm and nodded with a long ‘oh’. “If  it’s about the dragon king, then that is not my business. Sorry I asked.”

 “It’s okay.”

 Freya and Zilong walked together to the lobby. Heroes walked around, some injured some are not, and minions scampered about with their weapons. A few carried cleaning supplies and broken parts from previous match. A group of heroes ran past them towards a gate with a timer ticking over it. The timer indicates when the player is about to arrive at the match.

 The two fighters headed for a bar outside of the fighting arena. There weren’t many people because it’s the end of the Season which means players are pushing for their ranks (some even slipped down on their way up). Freya and Zilong sat at the bar counter. Freya ordered Blue Buff while Zilong got himself some Red Reaper.

 The male fighter kept his gaze around the bar. There was a performance on stage - a stage play. A group of people sat in a corner, playing poker. Hookers got themselves comfortable with the customers and even pulled some to the back. The two fighters enjoyed their drinks, occasionally shared some small talks.

 Then, Zilong’s eyes caught a familiar sight walking into the bar. Tall, blond haired in a long blue coat. His metal gauntlet was missing, exposing the glowing purple demon arm which strike the Dragonborn odd. He came in empty handed without his favourite sword.

 Zilong watched the young man took large strides to the other side of the bar, slightly darker than the rest. People murmured at the sight him. A man yelled profanities at him and women showed looks of disgust. But the young man paid no heed to them. He just sat down at the lone table and looked out of the window. A waitress came to pick up his order.

 The dragon knight turned to his partner. Freya had finished her glass and ordered another. Apparently, she had no battles in the upcoming hour so she was free to do what she wants. These days, Freya and Zilong were hardly pick during the match unlike the others especially the new arrivals.

 “Hey, I’m gonna go meet a friend.” He told her. Freya looked at him, popping a bar nut in her mouth. She nodded without saying anything and Zilong stood up. He walked away from the counter and headed for the young hunter sitting alone in the dark.

 Alucard was too preoccupied in his thoughts to even notice a long haired fighter coming his way. He jumped up when someone knocked on the table. Alucard looked up and noticed his friend, Zilong. “Oh, it’s you.” He mumbled, sounding emotionless like a robot. Alucard turned his gaze back to the table top.

 Zilong sat down opposite of the demon hunter. “Hey buddy.” He said, with a smile. “It’s been a long time. How have you been?”

 Alucard mumbled what sounded like ‘Fine, like always’. The waitress from earlier came back and placed Alucard’s whiskey along with a glass. Zilong watched his friend popping open the bottle and poured the clear liquid into the glass. Then, the blond fished out a box of cigarette from his coat pocket and lit one. He dragged on the stick and blew out the smoke from his mouth.

 Zilong looked down at his hands. The Alucard in front of him is so different then the one he had been friends with many years ago. He remembered it all too well. Alucard was like a delinquent and quite barbaric. He had short messy white hair and wore red coat. He never covered the demonic arm with a gauntlet and his sword was a giant rectangular one.

 The old demon hunter was feared when he first stepped into the Land of Dawn. He was the hardest one to kill and Zilong remembered how it made him crazy seeing Alucard coming out of a 1vs5 fresh as a daisy despite the enemies supporting heavy wounds.

 What happened to that happy, loud demon hunter he had been best friends with?

 There has been a disease outbreak recently. It had no cure and it infected almost everyone. It weakens heroes and some were no longer able to fight due to the virus. Sadly, there is no cure although oddly enough a few recovered after getting struck by this disease. Heck, these people even got stronger.

 There was no official name for this phenomenon but the heroes called it Moonton.

 Zilong heard Alucard got infected pretty badly. Each passing day he got weaker and weaker to the point that he was not allowed for Rank matches. He had done many healing procedures but the results were negative.

 Could that be the reason for Alucard’s change of attitude?

“If you have no business here, please leave me alone.” The dragon heard the hunter grumbled. Clearly he sounded annoyed but Zilong wanted answers. The bottle was half empty and Alucard looked drunk. His usually well kept hair was messy and his face could scare demons back to Hell. There were shadows and bags underneath his eyes. His skin was badly pale.

 “Alu, I haven’t seen you in a long time.” Zilong said. He watched the other man poured himself another glass of whiskey. “Where have you been? What were you up to? If something’s wrong, you can tell me. I’m your best friend.” He added the last one after a short pause. He gave a smile but it faltered when he heard the hunter scoffed.

 Alucard downed the glass of whiskey and quickly poured the remainder of the bottle. “There’s always something wrong, Zi. The Moonton phenomenon, demon attacks, Lancelot sleeping with men behind Odette’s back…” Zilong’s eye twitched at the last statement. “…it’s just how the world is. Always in trouble, always needed to be fixed. But sadly, not all problems can be solved.” He finished the final glass and leaned back. Alucard looked so drunk, Zilong was preparing to catch him in case he fell off his seat.

 “Can your problems be fixed?” Zilong asked, he was getting onto something but was still unsure of it. “Do you need help?”

 Alucard smiled. He staggered to his feet, holding onto the table for support. He wobbled to Zilong, patting the man on his shoulder. “It was nice knowing you, Zi.”

 Zilong was rendered speechless as he watched Alucard drunkenly left the bar. The people, who used to cheer for him, completely ignored the man they once idolized. What happened here?

 It wasn’t long until Freya came. “Hey, was that Alucard I just saw leaving?” She took a seat beside him. She was slightly drunk but still managed to walk straight.

 “Yeah, it was him.”

 Freya’s eyes darted to the door. A couple walked in and sat down near the stage. She thought t the demon hunter that had just left. Freya had been friends with Alucard, even became sparring partners. She hardly talked to him in the past months and she knew Zilong was his only close friend.

 “What were you guys talking about? How is he?”

 Zilong wanted to say nothing but a part of his mind questioned that. Was Alucard really okay? Is a person okay when he walks into a bar to get drunk out of his head on purpose? Is there nothing wrong when people jeered and booed the said man?

 Somehow Freya could read his thoughts. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. She leaned closer to his body. “Whatever is happening, I hope you guys can help sort it out.”

 Zilong turned his gaze outside. He stared at the starry night knowing that a friend of his was in trouble and he had no idea how to help him.

[ajstudio]

My character Mercy would get along well with Zemira and her name is pretty, too.

Zemira being an entry into The Fool repertoire a la Yiddish folk tales is more than just a gag. While she obviously is used for humor a grand majority of the time, often at her own expense, there is a particular character trait of The Fool which is integral to her personality, and that is the simple trait of kindness. In folk tales where the Fool appears, they are often deemed foolish simply because they go out of their way to do things which are kind, fair, just, and compassionate, even when it severely detriments themselves or puts them in undesirable situations. Sharing food with animals when they have none to spare to begin with, showing kindness to muggers even at their own peril, putting forth endless amounts of effort into helping those around them even when they have no reason to believe that this will help them in any way.

It goes to show how cutthroat a world Ashkenazi Jews lived in for the centuries in which these stories were born, given the way the majority of the other characters in these stories sneer, chide and wave their finger at The Fool's empathetic behavior - very much a case of when you give money to a panhandler and your parents tell you "he's probably just going to spend it on drugs, ugh." The Fool is considered buffoonish and stupid simply because they refuse to accept the cruelty of the world they live in as the norm, and even when it goes against their better judgment and simple logic, they always end up doing the right thing, and often times those who decry them end up seeing the error of their ways.

Think, then, about the things Zemira has done throughout her fic and even moreso what she will do in the future - treating Alucard as though he's just another human coworker and apologizing to him when she worries she's hurt his feelings, not fearing Seras for a second and in fact befriending her outright upon joining Hellsing, looking upon Guard with childlike wonder and excitement whilst Logan was utterly terrified of the golem, and hell, even the act of joining Hellsing at all could be considered a self-sacrificial act in the interest of protecting other people.

Zemira is an extremely compassionate person who has had those instincts beaten down by others around her for so long that embracing them again feels like self-sabotage; but it is, in fact, the truest and purest thing she can do for herself as The Fool. Hellsing is not a universe which treats those who are gentle with mercy or kindness - which makes people like her that much more special and precious. I think it's no wonder she's managed to worm her way into the hearts of people like Integra and Alucard. Most people like that don't make it very far, but she's still here alive and kicking. That's something to be proud of, and I think it's something Seras recognizes in her too, even if Zemi doesn't see it yet herself.