#and i think a lot of his anxiety is deeply repressed

[tyrannuspitch]

thinking thoughts. thor bpd too...?

[jacksprostate]

Can you talk about how fight club is the story of a deeply closedeted gay man the wake of the aids crisis? How do his anxieties about hiv manifest?

yeah sure! i feel like i've talked about it in bits and pieces in a few different posts which I'll link here but I'll also type up a little summary. Not operating on 100% so forgive me if it's a bit all over the place.

On the narrator and Marla wrt sexuality

On the Lou scene of the movie

The central obvious joke yet not really comparison

Anyway so. I'm going to focus on the book as always but lots still generally applies to the movie and in the above links you can see a bit about the Lou scene from the movie if that's your interest.

So first I think it's important to acknowledge the narrator meets Tyler on an empty nude beach. This has a lot of connotations for a lot of reasons. Nude beaches/beaches in general have long been a gay male hookup spot. The beach is empty — it's the 90s. Many, many people have died. The narrator chose to go there — an interesting one. Stepping out of bounds a little only to be reminded of the constant threat, by how no one is there. He just watches Tyler do his thing, doesn't engage. He keeps his foot, with the AIDS-like rash on it, buried in the sand so he doesn't start dying in people's eyes (and presumably so if he ever got the gumption, he could tap it). Even if you assume the nude beach isn't specifically gay, all these things still apply, and it's still his idealized man he hallucinated all sweaty and tan.

Kind of discussed in the Marla related link above but he's like, horrifically repressed, even if he WAS straight. He can't imagine himself having sex. But when he has Tyler have straight sex (see above link for detailed thoughts on that), it's Marla he's jealous of. It is literally written that way. He is jealous of Marla stealing Tyler's attention and ruining the vibe they had with just the two of them.

Something, something, elaborate rituals for the touch of another man. Getting a big rubbery one in response to Bob. Arguably it's about him getting off on misery but it's not like it was written with regard to Chloe. And Chloe— amyl nitrite/poppers are commonly used in gay bathhouses and stuff. Used in straight sex too but yeah pretty common... Back to Bob though, this mimicry of closeness with another human being  another man in particular, staring down the gun at a man who can't functional have sex like society expects him to anymore. 

He invents a club that word for word could be swapped with gay sex for a large portion of its introduction. He is desperate for the touch of another man even if violence is the only way he can get it. Sex would be violence, in an age of being terrified of AIDS. 

The constant underlying sharing of blood and spit and contaminating food etc. All these other ways HIV is spread. But at least it wouldn't be That way. If that's his destined way to die then at least it wouldn't be like that. Dark, but.

The fucking scene about his birthmark holy shit man. Essentially, the doctors thought his birthmark was a sign of, pretty much, Kaposi's sarcoma. The cancer overwhelmingly associated with AIDS, and he's a medical marvel. Because he'd be dying from an unknown horrific disease. Now he hides the birthmark, because that unknown disease is everywhere now. <-bastardization of a line from the book. And when people see that birthmark, he starts dying in their eyes. If he was openly gay in any fashion, he'd start dying in their eyes too. The same way.

There is, distinctly, a sense of a complete lack of actual functional future. There is a sense of complete lack of role models from the past. 

The environmentalist turn even in this sense. The burden of history. He was not the one who spread the virus. There's a lot of deep, deep self hate and internalized homophobia in that. In the single time the narrator mentions gay men, too — as gay men wanting children being the cause for why all the single mothers in the clinic Marla goes to  are dying of AIDS. But that's not true. Gay men, overwhelmingly, are not the reason it went from gay men to eventually reaching women. But what he repeats is part of the societal curse upon them, and what he repeats is a chastisement, look what happens when you dare desire anything. If you actually want to act on those perversions. You curse everything and everyone. Stay repressed, or you'll die and kill everyone.

He invents Tyler. "Perfectly handsome and an angel in his everything-blond way." He invents the perfect man, who also can never infect him. Who also pisses and spits in soups, god what a conundrum — society assumes you're evil, sick, and damned, but you're still their responsibility. How do they like it. I am not glamorizing the willful spread of disease lol I don't think it's ever a sane response but in fiction it hits that like... vindictive anguish. 

Honestly, even the section I just mentioned. Where Tyler rants to the union boss. You don't actually give a single shit about me and better yet you probably hate the living shit out of me. But I am still your responsibility. You have sucked me dry til I have nothing to love, and you have everything. And the narrator says he says the same thing Tyler said, but about contaminated food. The parallels, with how that would apply to people with HIV, especially gay men. There is so, so much emphasis on the narrator's blood and how it gets all over the Pressman hotel's manager.

Fight Club, Project Mayhem — they're the designs of someone who doesn't expect to live long. The home of people who don't expect to live long. Whether that's because medical care is too expensive or because you catch a blood infection or because the cops shoot you. 

And at the end, after everything has happened, after his manic pixie dream boy helped him martyr himself, what does he really get? Idk man. Drugs that will kill his sex drive. A deep fear of himself that now has evidence for how far he can fall. A deep disillusionment. No hate, but no love either. Still just empty, now knowing he has opened pandora's box, whether he intended to or not. He can't put it back. He tried. 

Idk. something to be said about all that. Probably a lot more as well but that's just off the top of my head.

[box-dwelling]

So I have kind of a weird sprite analysis hypothesis.

So I see a lot of stuff about the Von Karma siblings both grabbing their shoulders like Manfred does. But looking again I think for Miles it's noticeably different.

Here's Manfred

Here's Franziska

And then here's Miles.

So Franziskas is basically a spot on mirror of her dad. But Miles isn't grabbing his shoulder he's grabbing his arm. It's also notably his left arm he's grabbing where the other two are grabbing their right. I don't think these are actually the parallel were treating them as.

There's also what they're used for. Fran and MVK have the shoulder grab as a damage Sprite but with Edgeworth it's something he frequently does during conversation. So I went through and looked at when he uses this sprite and I found something interesting.

Pre the Reval of what happened during DL6, It's almost always involving how he perceives himself to be failing to live up to MVKs standards (and his own) as a procecutor or when talking about his connection with Phoenix or Gregory. Now we can take that as repressed gay thoughts or we can take it as being ashamed of his familial and platonic connection with, respect for, and losses to defense attorneies who MVK does not think highly of at all.

Then after that it's often when he's scared Phoenix or other people are going to think less of him or that they already do. Like how he's scared in RFA about how his car being the crime scene is implicating him in the murdering or how he thinks Lana has betrayed him.

Then in addition to this during FMT it's used very liberally whenever MVK, his practices or what he turned Miles (and also Franziska) into are brought up. It's also used a lot in reference to Celeste which I take as being an issue with bring up suicide given he's talking to a man who is very angry that he just faked his own and the similarities he feels between himself and adrian. It's also used involving de killer and also Maya's Kidnapping. Initially I thought they just needed a serious sprite but looking more into it, I think this is another instance of him being scared of Phoenix's reaction. He knows during these conversations that Engarde hired De Killer. He knows that this is going to hurt Phoenix like hell when he find out. He's also probably scared he'll get the blame. This compounds when he finds out about Maya because now Phoenix's best friend is likely to die because he will probably win this trial. And he's worried that if the rescue attempt doesn't work that blame is also on him.

BTTT is more of the same. Sprite is used when he is directly preventing Phoenix from accessing Maya. Also often in reference to Dahlia and specifically the fact he found out about the trial where she was found guilty. Meaning he knows something about Phoenix he wasn't directly told.

So with this there's some information we can gather. This is something Edgeworth does when he's feeling guilty and scared of retribution. It is fundamentally linking his guilt and fear. But what triggers these emotions changes throughout the games. In the first game it's guilt of not being a true Von karma. In the later games, it's guilt of his previous actions, and also guilt whenever he has to do something that might upset someone he cares for or respects. Now for anyone who has anxiety caused by abuse, this probably looks deeply familiar. It does to me at least. Edgeworth sees any situation where he thinks he's at fault, no matter how small or not to blame he is, and reacts in fear. He is terrified of messing up in any way. He scared that any slip up will be ment with retaliation. This also lines up with what we know about Von Karma. Perfection is an impossible standard and Investigations shows that MVK would verbally abuse him whenever he failed to meet it.

Now I want to say, I don't think this is Edgeworth not fully deconstructing his perfection complex. I think he has. This is clearly a trauma response. It's instinct.

Now I have 2 theories about the action itself. One I'm certain of, the other is a little more head canon crackpot scheme.

Options 1: this is a self soothing thing. He's literally hugging himself. He's closing himself off and putting up a barrier to protect himself.

Options 2: if this was AA4 and I noticed it with perceive, I'd wonder if this was specifically an old wound hes instinctively covering or protecting himself from. Maybe whenever he slipped up Von Karma would enact a physical punishment like a punch to the gut or to hit his arm. The head turn is literally a flinch.

Or he could just be doing it whenever he has gay thoughts idk

[a-libra-writes]

HIII!! can i ask, how do you write Mordecai Heller?? THANK YOUU!!

hmm Ill try to answer this best I can and try not to ramble too long but we'll see how that goes... Im not gonna act like im an expert or whatever, this is just my thought process ig? ALSO Im ace and so is he, and I add my own experiences into my writing. Anyway the long version here:

so first thing's first!! READ THE COMIC ALSO THE SIDE COMICS ALSO ALL THE EXTRAS bc esp the extras, you get to see a lot of his personality pre-Marigold. It's two very distinct points in his life - I'd venture to say that pre-Lackadaisy and early Lackadaisy Mordecai are also very different (and that makes sense - he was a kid, and he was with the Lackadaisy crew for 7 years). He has a very distinct character progression that in my opinion is very interesting and well-written!

actually, p much all lackadaisy characters are well-written, but mordecai is a fun case because he just has so much going on: his social skills are abysmal, and he doesn't seem to find it a problem. he has committed brutal murders and executions and considers them 'just business'. he doggedly pursues discrepancies. he fixates on things being neat and symmetrical if possible. He can deal with things not being that way, for a time (note when he's covered in bloody and filthy from a job, he doesn't freak out - because that's Business (tm) and he can just wash up anyway. But a driver getting a snot mess all over the car he has to drive in all the time? Unforgivable.) he grew up in squalor and has a serious phobia of spiders and rats. He's emotionally repressed in more ways than one. He's queer and is deeply uncomfortable with people (especially women) touching him or showing interest. He still thinks about his sisters fondly. he also thinks they're better off without him. He actually found a friend (or more) in Viktor and he'd never, ever, ever say it, and his way of keeping his friend out of crime and 'protecting' him was by shooting his kneecaps. his sense of humor is crap, and he doesn't understand why his mannerisms would be considered amusing. he got into crime at a young age, doing gangster's finances for them. as a kid.

im missing some other tidbits, but you get it. the dude is real interesting to think about and write, to say the least.

I think a lot of writing mordecai, esp if you're writing a more romantic fic or even if it's just platonic - he's so closed off! part of why the Savoys are so interested in him is they've worked with him a year and he just doesn't loosen up or talk much about himself. he and viktor knew each other seven whole-ass years and you think they ever talked about their families? how they came to know atlas? what they thought about the job? granted, Viktor is just as closed-off himself, but you get what im saying. he has a serious problem with letting people in, and part of writing him is getting a crowbar and figuring out which spot to put it in and bend it juuuust enough to open something up.

ok that metaphor went somewhere weird, but you get me. and, if im being honest, a LOT of what i channel is my own asexual experience. I used to be very touch averse, especially to the opposite gender - to the point where i'd panic if I felt a man was "too close" (i.e. less than 2 feet) and "lingering" (aka minding his business). I didnt mind my friends hugging me, but I didnt really like the cuddle sessions my female friends wanted to do, and after a point, I disliked hugs from my male friends. if a guy was crushing on me? Hell no, he wasnt going near me, even if I thought he was cute too (when I was younger I DEF had a thing for my female friends too, but i registered that as 'gaaaaal paaaals' for the LONGEST time until I accepted I was bi) There was like - an undercurrent of fear and anxiety. It took me a long time to identify why. while other people seemed delighted when people they liked held their hands and hugged and kissed, it sent me into a panic.

eventually i figured out my thought process: physical affection will inevitably lead to sex, and bc i thought i was straight, there was the terrifying thought of ... oh god if i date a guy he'll expect me to have sex. oh no oh no oh no-

(and no, no one taught me much about consent or taking things slow or talking to your partner. i had to figure it out, which sucked.)

all this to say ... when I write Mordecai, especially in a romantic sense, I kind of channel that anxiety I felt in my teens and early 20s. and like, this is the 1920's!!!!* Not to mention his upbringing, and of course his line of work - where he definiately cant have feelings getting in the way of murdering someone. I think this adds up to someone whose repressing themselves - their sexual thoughts (or lack thereof), memories of family, romantic thoughts, platonic thoughts, and so on.

I like to think - again, this is fanfiction, I seriously doubt it'll come up in the comics - in a romantic relationship (or even an intense platonic one), he gets intense about it. Because Mordecai is an intense guy - you can't hatchet up someone "because i was told to", or kneecap a friend you wanted to "protect", or switch sides to your father figure's rival and pretend like you betrayed everyone just to investigate that father figure and not be, uh. some kind of Intense. I often think that, in a relationship, his jealousy and confusion/apprehension around affection and sexuality would be just as intense. And eventually, the feelings of loyalty and devotion ... once he finally lets himself have it. Because I also think, to some degree, he doesn't think he should have it - just like he thinks his sisters and mother should just leave him behind.

when im writing him in the romantic sense - as I began to accept and understand my sexuality, and talk through my feelings with my partner (also generally have better mental health, my touch averseness got a lot better.** Again, Im also kind of projecting my feelings and experiences onto Mordecai regarding this. I like to think that, once he really trusts someone and allows them to touch him, other barriers begin to tumble down. its like raw nerves being touched sometimes, but he steadily gets used to it and eventually takes solace in it (now getting him to ADMIT that srfjsdfs--)

anyway! As always, fanfic is fanfic. You are free to characterize this murdercat however you wish. These are just the jumbled thoughts that run around in my brain.

* Asexuality, like homosexuality and many shades of queerness, was considered an illness. IF anyone even acknowledged asexuality at all - its definition and terminology hadn't really caught on until the 1970's, though the Kinsey scale attempted to address it (and Jennie June attempted to write and define this in the 1920s, but I seriously doubt her writings were widespread).

**A stranger can brush past me or put a hand on me and I only have a few seconds of anxiety. My friends and family can hug me for a while, or I can cuddle up to them. I don't mind my husband cuddling or kissing me at all anymore; he's actually the one person I can tolerate sustained affection from. A huge part of this change came from accepting and understand my asexuality as part of me. I wasnt "messed up" and "broken".

[mysterycharacterflowers]

Round 1; A bouquet of yellow orchids, rue, yew, bird’s-foot trefoil, yellow gladiolus, yellow peony, sunflower and yellow amaryllis Vs A bouquet of dandelion, asphodel, poppy, chamomile, red columbine, hydrangea, rhododendron, dark crimson rose and queen of the night

If you know who they are, or are pretty sure of it, please don't tell until this poll has ended!

First, let's talk about the bouquet of yellow orchids, rue, yew, bird’s-foot trefoil, yellow gladiolus, yellow peony, sunflower and yellow amaryllis

Meaning and why these flowers were chosen: Yellow orchids, because he compares himself to an orchid kept in a greenhouse, because yellow is a color of heavy symbolism in his source material—for nothing good—and on the other hand because yellow orchids can represent friendship and new beginnings and he’s a sweet guy who gets a possible new beginning. Rue, because it means regret and he has plenty of that, not so much because of wrongs he committed but wrongs he was complicit in and inherited as a legacy from his family. Yew, because it represents life, death, and reincarnation and he was almost an avenue for someone’s reincarnation. It also represents evil and protection from evil, and someone close to him isn’t always sure which he’s going to be. Bird’s-foot trefoil, because it means revenge and he helps someone deliver comeuppance to those who had wronged them, and though I’m not sure he was in the state of mind to appreciate it as revenge for himself, he deserves to. Yellow gladiolus, because gladiolus represents strength and that’s the last thing anyone would expect this fragile young man to have but in a way he does. Yellow peony, because peonies can represent bashfulness and he is shy and awkward and so repressed. Sunflower, because it can represent intelligence and the pursuit of enlightenment; he is a devotedly scholarly type (in fact, he likes botany a lot so he’d probably vibe with this tournament idea) and knows better than to support the ideologies of his family; he is enlightened beyond their prejudice. Yellow amaryllis, because amaryllis symbolizes love—he is deeply, yet delicately, in love with someone who has brought hope into his life—and because it also means unrecognized beauty and I think that would be funny but neat for him, given that he’s unattractive but possesses a kind, potentially beautiful personality. Description: ‘God, what a pathetic loser’ you think (assuming you’re, ahem, the POV character, but I get it) and it’s a fundamentally compassionate person who was only complicit insofar as he was trapped in an abusive system and had succumbed to despair. Incredibly polite to his shitty family and tells the first person who asks that he thinks the family home should be burned to the ground. He may be a bit ugly and awkward, but in good circumstances he radiates the silly joy of a nerd. Also, he’s one-half of one of my favorite fictional interracial couples; they are such a good and sweet and thematically resonant duo

Check their post here

Now, let's talk about the bouquet of dandelion, asphodel, poppy, chamomile, red columbine, hydrangea, rhododendron, dark crimson rose and queen of the night

Meaning and why this flower was chosen: Dandelion- overcoming hardship [Hes been going THROUGH it, like its been rough for this guy] Asphodel- my regrets follow you to the grave [he is riddled with guilt, for things he did, for things he didnt do, just- so much guilt] Poppy- eternal sleep, imagination [dreams are a very important aspect of the media] Chamomile- patience in adversity [he has been scraping by not dying by the skin of his teeth, he is constantly experiencing the Horrors] Red Columbine- anxiety [he is soso goddamn traumatized] Hydrangea- Frigidity and heartlessness [hes kind of a bit of an evil bitch] Rhododendron- Danger [He has been in non-stop life threatening danger since the series began] Dark Crimson Rose- Mourning [he is defined by his grief and regret] Queen of the Night- enjoy small moments because they do not last [Any minor joy he finds is immediately crushed, this man CANNOT have nice things] Description: Ohhhhh he is riddled with guilt. He is a private investigator. Everyone he loves is dead, its all his fault, it also kind of isnt. He is in a toxic yaoi situation-ship with a ghost in his brain. He is a pathetic wet cat and every eldritch god he meets wants to fuck him so bad it makes them look stupid. Hes serial killer on accident but also on purpose. Hes british and half of the media hes from is him whimpering or gasping- but it isnt horny- hes just so miserable. He loves art, he beat a widow to death with a rock one time. Hes iconic, hes wife material, he had a severed head at one point (not his).

Check their post here

[bornetoblood]

Okay I’ve talked about all of the structural and textual reasons Laurence/Gehrman works imo. Now it’s time for the purely self indulgent; the things that make me wanna read 100 chapter fics of them if they existed.The angst! The comfort! The more angst!

Firstly, the textbook pining dynamic. Gehrman definatly has repressed gay (he was raised in a tiny village) and doesn’t know kissing guys is an option. Laurence knows what gay people are and that he’s one of them but doesn’t know how that’s gonna be recieved, especially after he becomes a massive public figure. They see each other being violent or something and they want to say how that makes them feel but there’s all those barriers.

They’ve both got that deep, unwavering devotion to each other- the crux off all their actions. There is something so deeply romantic about being continually influenced by the person you’re in love with even after they die or go to the moon dimension. Gehrman kills to keep the scourge under control and protect the Church, judging my the Burial Blade description I really don’t think he enjoys this, he just sees it as nessisary. We love a guy who breaks his morals for his evil husband.

There’s also the classic healer/warrior thing they’ve got going. Gehrman stumbling into Laurence’s study after a particularly bad hunt... Hastly blood transfusions, life and death scenarios, tender care. There’s a lot of versitility there.

I also adore how they contrast each other. Laurence’s head is literally up in the clouds, hes constantly thinking about ascension and the cosmos- he disregards his and other’s humanity because hes just so invested in becoming squid. Gehrman, however, is practical- he does stuff with his hands like sewing and crafting and woodworking. He feels remorse for having to kill all those people but he does it to serve Laurence’s goal.

That said!! Laurence is basically a diety in Yharnam. Imagine being boyfriends with Jesus (and you are Catholic). Imagine how blessed yet unworthy that’s feel. Knowing the conduit of your god better than anyone else ever could. Fucking wild.

Violence boyfriends. Men who hold hands and skip through feilds of corpses. Men who beat the shit of each other as a love language. They will fight to the death for the sake of humanity (and as a cute date idea). The inherent intimacy of sharing blood.

If I say I think they get separation anxiety does that make you upset? because it makes me upset.

[diabolikpersonals]

Okay do you have any Shuumayui headcanons? because I don't see a lot about them:(

YESSSSS one of my favorite trios!!! >:D

One of my favorite things about this ship is that it reveals that Yuma has a Type and he's really into blondes. It feels so good & true to me.

The way they get together, in my head, is that Shu and Yui get together around HDB. And Shu definitely loves her, but there's always this anxiety hanging over him, like "I've loved a human before and he died, and I can never forget this as long as I live. Will Yui die too??"

BUT THEN!!!! YUMA SHOWS UP!!!!! Shu's first love did NOT die, and then Yui gets kidnapped by the Mukamis and experiences a bunch of stuff with Yuma too. So to say things get complicated is an understatement; Shu and Yui are in a relationship but now there's this guy that they both, separately, like. I'm sure misunderstandings ensue, especially because Shu gets jealous lol :'D

As the usual canon events happen and the usual tense Shu-Yuma-Reiji stuff gets cleared up, Yui's been helping them out quite a lot, being the designated Person Who Can Understand and Communicate Feelings. She can say, "Shu feels like this, Yuma feels like this, you two should try to understand each other." When asked why she goes through all this trouble for idiots like them, Yui shyly says that she loves them both very much, and she wants them to get along.

Shu tries to brush this off, but Yuma mutters, "...I get it. I love you both too." and Shu's like "???????"

Of course this is news for Shu, who has loved them both deeply for a LONG TIME. And he's been repressing the fuck out of his feelings for years, because of that anxiety I mentioned before. But the two people he loves the most in the world have said that they love him.....?! They're both alive, and safe, and right in front of him, and they love him?

So he stumbles over his words for a while, and he's like "I love you too, I love you both so much." And Yui's confession had been characteristically sweet and kinda cheesy, and Yuma's had this kind of pointed tone like "this is embarrassing, hurry up and forget I'm saying this"...........so in comparison, Shu's confession sounds life-and-death serious. Yui and Yuma are kinda shocked. But now they all said it, they all meant it, so it's impossible to ignore now.

Still, I think whenever Shu says something romantic to them, Yuma gets embarrassed and tries to stop him lol. The two of them are really Yuma's weakness—if they flirt with him or look at him with puppy dog eyes or something, he'll fold right away, tell them to cut it out, and then do whatever they want xD

ANYWAY this is too obvious but Yuma can lift them both up at the same time, Yui in one arm and Shu in the other. ^_^ I imagine Yui's like "kyaaa this is embarrassing" but Shu just goes limp like a sack of potatoes lmao.

I really like the headcanon that Yui reintroduces religion back into Yuma's life in a way that resonates with him a lot more. Like Yui will talk about feeling close to God when she's with people she loves, and that she wants to thank God for those people. And Yuma will be laying with Yui and Shu in his arms, in a quiet moment, and he'll think, "...She's right, I feel it too."

[funnywormz]

putting some red dwarf headcanons below the cut bc im feeling kinda crappy and just wanna talk abt them.

please keep in mind that these are my readings of the characters and im in no way trying to claim these things are canon or the "correct" way of interpreting them, this is just how i see them personally. a lot of this is just rlly self-indulgent and involves me Projecting. if you don't agree with me on any/all of these, that's fine, i don't expect anyone to be on board with all of them tbh, just pls be nice to be abt it im sensitive

also just a warning. this post got very long bc i have a Lot to say lol

lister

gender: trans man, he/they

sexuality: bisexual

other: adhd (inattentive type), depression, amputee with prosthetic arm

notes: i headcanon lister as a trans man bc im trans masc myself and i find it very comforting to see him that way. it also fits in well with some aspects of canon, like his pregnancy in season 2. he's also just trans masc swag personified lol.

the bisexual headcanon seems to be shared by a lot of ppl in the fandom, and it's personally the way i see him. i think he has a definite preference for women but is still occasionally attracted to men, and (i am pretending that one scene in series 7 doesn't exist here lol 😒) i don't think he'd be repressed abt it at all. he's horny and not afraid to act on it

in terms of the neurodivergent stuff, i think adhd-i fits with his personality pretty well. i think that combined with his tendency to be depressed makes it hard for him to stay motivated and focused, and often means that he doesn't rlly take care of himself or his personal hygiene and seeks out short-term sources of pleasure like food, video games, alcohol and sex to keep himself happy, but can't rlly focus on long term goals. being the last human alive stuck in deep space definitely doesn't help. often his "laziness" is a result of his lack of energy and motivation rather than being an intentional thing. some days he just spend all of his time curled up on his bunk sleeping bc he can't find the drive to do anything else. he doesn't rlly WANT to be that way, he wants to have fun and actually do things, but it doesn't always happen and he has some rlly bad days at times.

with the prosthetic arm, personally i think they should've given him a prosthetic and had a proper character arc around him learning to cope with a disability back in season 7/8, rather than playing it off as a joke and immediately retconning it. i haven't rlly done much planning for this one yet but i just know i want it to be a thing. i think he would probably have a dope looking robot arm or something bc there's no way he'd just go for a boring generic arm if he had the choice imo. he would love to deck it out and customise it and put stickers all over it despite kryten telling him not to hehe

rimmer

gender: mostly cis man but maybe with a little hint of nonbinary-ness in there that he unfortunately refuses to acknowledge. he/him

sexuality: h for homosexual BABEY!!!!!!

other: autism, adhd (hyperactive), panic disorder, generalised anxiety disorder

notes: i think that it's quite possible that rimmer could have a little bit of gender stuff going on. when he projects his own insecurities abt gender and sexuality onto ace he specifically makes jabs abt ace probably wearing women's clothes in secret multiple times, which is equally as telling as his sniping abt ace being gay.

i also do headcanon rimmer as gay, but deeply, deeply repressed about it. he pursues women and kinda forces himself to believe he's attracted to them, but it's out of his desire to meet his own stupid arbitrary expectations of what he "should" be like, rather than out of any genuine attraction. ik a lot of ppl see him as bi, which is perfectly valid! but personally his pursuits of women read to me as something he does bc he feels he needs to do it to complete his image rather than something he does out of any real desire. he's also got enough internalised homophobia that it'd probably take decades of therapy to make him be normal abt it lol. rimmer wants to be the kind of man that he thinks will receive respect and will meet the expectations his family put on him as a child, and having a wife and children was always part of that image for him. he never really stopped to consider if that's something he actually wanted. i think he becomes more accepting of his own queerness as time goes on, but it does take time.

the neurodivergent stuff should be pretty self explanatory but im gonna rant abt it anyways. as an autistic person myself, i find rimmer very relatable. there are multiple scenes in the series where jokes and sarcasm go over his head completely, and countless times where he misreads body language and doesn't seem to get what kind of behaviour is appropriate for certain situations. he just seems to struggle with social interaction and bonding/making friends in general. he has intense interests that others don't rlly understand, like telegraph poles, risk, cars, morris dancing, etc. he gets pleasure out of organising and sorting things to a degree that seems pedantic to others, and seems genuinely confused when lister doesn't share his enthusiasm for cataloguing the ship's food stocks as a fun saturday night activity. he seems to enjoy routines and predictability, and gets upset when unexpected things happen. he also tends to get obsessive about small details rather than focusing on the big picture.

in terms of hyperactive adhd, it seems to me that rimmer often has a hard time slowing down and relaxing, and seems to need to be constantly on the go and doing things and generally fussing about. he also is self aware abt the fact that he has a hard time being quiet, and needs to talk more and at a faster pace than most other people, especially when he's nervous or distracted. as well as this, he often stims by rocking back and forth and jiggling his leg up and down (this also fits with the autism hc). he also has a tendency to procrastinate and seems to have a hard time studying, despite his attempts to convince people otherwise. it often comes up in the series that he'll get hyperfixated on doing something a bit arbitrary, like making an impeccable study timetable/schedule, or tidying, or sorting things into perfect order, rather than actually STUDYING, which is part of why he continuously fails his engineering exam.

the panic and anxiety disorder thing should be pretty self explanatory too. rimmer is clearly a worrier and has multiple panic attacks in the actual series. he seems to spend most of his time in a highly strung state of near panic, to the point where it interferes with his physical health. the way the canon narrative handles his anxiety, and his neurodivergent traits in general, is often a bit shitty lol, but it seems clear to me that he suffers from anxiety and panic attacks. kryten mentions that he's at a higher risk for those kinds of disorders due to genetics, but i also think that his childhood trauma and subsequent lifestyle (deathstyle??) definitely haven't helped him get any calmer lol

the cat

gender: trans man, he/him

sexuality: bisexual aromantic

other: autism

notes: most of these are more of a "because i said so" situation rather than things with canon evidence lol but still. esp the trans man one. i don't think the cat rlly has much of a concept of his own gender at all tbh, he just decided one day he was more comfortable as a man and stopped thinking abt it after that lol. i see the cat as bisexual bc i don't think he'd rlly give a fuck abt gender as long as ppl are hot and well presented, and i think he's aromantic bc throughout the series he doesn't seem to show much interest in a committed romantic relationship with anyone. when he does show interest in people, it reads more as purely sexual attraction to me than any desire to settle down or have an actual relationship.

i think he's autistic but it isn't always picked up bc his special interest is fashion, which isn't perceived to be a "typical" special interest. he seems very particular abt textures and colours, and puts meticulous effort into his wardrobe and often only wants to talk abt clothes even when ppl want to talk to him abt something else. to tie in with that, he doesn't seem great at reading social cues and often makes faux pas and accidentally insults others without realising it. he seems to generally have a hard time with empathy and understanding that others might not always share his interests and priorities

kryten

gender: nonbinary, any pronouns but generally uses he/him and is fine with this

sexuality: aroace

other: autism (again)

notes: ik that robots being nonbinary and aroace and autistic can be an unfortunate and frustrating stereotype sometimes, but it's just hard for me to see kryten any other way 😅. anyways, although im not aro or ace, i AM autistic and nonbinary and i think robots rule and i adore kryten so WHATEVER!!!! take it up with my nonexistent lawyer or something idc

in terms of being nb, kryten seems to only have the vaguest idea of what gender actually is, and i doubt that he really identifies as particularly male or female. he's most used to being perceived as male, but i don't think he really identifies with manhood. he seemed actively repulsed by male reproductive organs when he was briefly human, which makes me think that if he was human he'd probably suffer from gender dysphoria if he had to live in an amab body, but likewise he seems to have mixed feelings abt being perceived as a woman in season 8. in truth, i think he fits somewhere in the middle.

i see kryten as aroace bc he just never rlly seems to express any interest in sex or romance, even seeming confused by both concepts at different points. he IS a deeply loving and passionate and affectionate person at times imo, but it's always platonic i think. he just doesn't strike me as someone who would get any enjoyment or fulfilment out of having sex or being in a romantic relationship.

the autistic hc should once again be pretty obvious. he has a hard time reading social cues a lot of the time, and enjoys repetitive tasks that other ppl find boring, like ironing etc. he also just generally does and says things that strike others as eccentric without meaning to come across that way and jokes often go right over his head. he's autistic to me. ik that a lot of this is tied up with him being a mechanoid, but im autistic and i love kryten so im claiming him fuck you

kochanski

gender: trans woman, she/her

sexuality: lesbian

other: autism, generalised anxiety disorder

notes: ive seen a few ppl hc kochanski as a trans woman and i rlly warmed up to it. it also makes sense that lister would get a crush on her if he knew she was trans and they had "two of the only trans ppl on the dwarf" solidarity, like i can imagine it being part of why he came to like her tbh.

ik kochanski's statement abt her dave being gay and them just pretending to be in a relationship was immediately dismissed by lister and she didn't argue abt it, but i like to personally believe it's true. i think for a long time she struggled with internalised homophobia and didn't mind getting attention from men, esp bc it validated her gender as well. but in my headcanon it was always uncomfortable for her and never felt right, hence why she broke up with her lister before the accident (although the breakup was also in part due to her lister's struggles with his sexuality as well). much like with rimmer, i think kochanski had high expectations of herself and felt anxious for others to see her as a "real woman", and for a long time it was hard for her to reconcile being a lesbian with those expectations. but she gets there eventually.

at first i was on the fence abt headcanoning kochanski as being autistic, but i decided to do it. she's better at masking than rimmer is, but it still shows through in her very particular sensory preferences and attachment to comfort items and occasional misreading of social situations. likewise with generalised anxiety, i think she has a tendency to get anxious and worry abt things that other ppl might not care abt, and becomes stressed pretty easily. she tries her best to hide it, but she likes to be in control of a situation and know what all of the likely outcomes are, and when she can't have that level of control she finds it deeply upsetting and destabilising. she likes to have predictability and routine and takes comfort in familiar objects and sensations even when those things might seem silly or irrelevant to others.

holly

gender: nonbinary (imagine all of the computer related puns she could make abt this lol he would love it), any pronouns

sexuality: bisexual

other: n/a

notes: holly is so nonbinary to me. it's basically canon already considering that they switch back and forth between male and female presentation multiple times. i don't think gender means a hell of a lot to holly but she enjoys messing around with it and trying out new things. my personal headcanon is that she prefers presenting in more of a feminine way but the default presentation he's programmed with is masculine and she can't rlly be bothered changing it a lot of the time bc she doesn't rlly give a smeg.

likewise i think holly is attracted to men and women and everyone else. i don't think he feels sexual or romantic attraction that often but it definitely happens. they only ever really feel attraction to other ai though and aren't into organic beings in that way, and bc he hardly ever gets to encounter other ai her romantic life is kinda nonexistent lol.

i think holly probably has some Brain Stuff going on but idk what exactly so ive left that blank for now. if i come up with anything i will probably edit this later

OK THAT'S IT FOR NOW sorry this post is long as fuck. hope you guys enjoyed reading me ramble on abt the silly little fellows

[cafeleningrad]

This Russian anon wants to die. They cannot cope with the war any longer, even though they are not the victims. They feel pathetic, bathetic even.

Hi Anon, it's been a while still I'm glad to hear that you are still here.

It took a while considering what kind of answer could be given to you since such feelings caused by undeniably massive outside forces can not be easily brushed over with "it will pass and everything gets better". That would be insincere for anyone directly or indirectly involved. Even if one isn't directly affected conflict, matter of fact is, that the effects of this geopolitical caesura does cause a lot of socio-political effects that are deeply worrisome. Like people turning towards the right because of economical anxiety, anti-US-mentality being uncritically translated towards sympathy of Kreml post-Tsarian aspirations, fear of military action expanding towards other areas... there're a lot of things that reasonably make many, many people feel anxious, if not deeply pessimistic about the future outlook. What would personal betterment do in front of a war with the aggressor continuing to amp up measures of war effort and aggressive, hostile public opinion. It would be too simple-minded to separate the Kreml's action from the large population, even pre-2022 acquaintances held beliefs like a Ukranian minority was oppressing a Russian majority... Or having been told on this hellsite the Solzhenitsyn deserved to be thrown i the Gulag for criticizing Stalin, and in the next post claiming gulags were Western propaganda. Not all Russians, that's for very sure, my point is, I was confronted by such talking points even in mundane exchanges with people whom I considered well-educated but very much believing in state propaganda already However, that doesn't mean that the state, no matter what beliefs are popular within the large population, has a right to start a war to dissuade the criticism of Corona politics, draft in politically oppressed groups as expandable means in war first to fulfill any great empire fantasies. And for that sake then repress the chance of criticism by censorship and political persecution of journalists. And then push a force-draft people who didn't sign up for military service to fight in a cause which wasn't going on so gloriously as expected. All to say, the population gets more and more instrumentalized as political asset of an authoritarian leader. Believing in state propaganda or not, what happens to the Russian population through state decreed is still cruel and diminishing their civil rights. Frankly, your terrible feelings are very much understandable because what's politically happening around you is horrible. Even more so, because you very much didn't want a war to happen in the first place but still have to bear cost of it. If you're feeling bathetic, that's kinda the point, isn't it? Making individual feel too small to not react towards oppressive action. Given how brutal counteraction is repressed in Russia currently, the feeling of helplessness are even increased. Dear Anon, still I think that you aren't bathetic. In the large context a lot of things seem very bleak but I think giving in is a small win adding up for the Kreml politic. It would be too comfortable being neither Ukranian not living in Russia to tell you what great thing you've to do for a stand, certainly at the high costs you'd have to pay. Instead I think rebelling against the attempt to reduce you, making you feel small is already a very strong action. History is full of people who carried on anyway, who continued living through, and giving a little help. You already saved shelter animals - a very kind action which might not seem big but is significant for those who you helped.

For those, you certainly weren't bathetic.

Who knows what comes next, we can only hold out at, and do as much good as we're capable of at the moment. Please stay safe!

[pathfinderswiftpen]

Two of my college classmates were vets with ptsd. Once, someone's car alarm went off or an ambulance went by, and J. immediaty left his chair and crouched under the table, later explaining it was an automatic response because of a particular drill. He was hypervigilant and tended to sit in the back, where he could see everybody. M. was also hypervigilant but sat up front so he could pay attention. He had severe anxiety and worked out a lot, going running. He has been hospitalized for his anxiety, I think for high heart rate. Both were incredibly kind. J, reserved and guarded, M outgoing and open. Both thoughtful and insightful. J never made physical contact with anybody, but when I cried in class the day after my father figure passed, he put his hand on my shoulder. M cared so deeply about his friends and family. I would trust that man with my life. I knew that if I got into trouble, he'd do what he could to help. When a very young friend of mine was discharged from the army for severe ptsd and other medical reasons, I was concerned for his safety and health, and M walked me through the info to give him about navigating the V.A. and all that.

I myself have cptsd, not a veteran. Sometimes you'll feel like everything is horrible and Something Is Wrong, when you are perfectly safe. Sometimes you'll smell or hear something and get a flood of one, maybe many, emotions. Sometimes you shut down and dissociate. Other times, you'll go into defense mode and verbally lash out at a person who said or did something like somebody else did who hurt you in your past. You know it's not them, but your Trauma Brain doesn't. With ptsd/cptsd the brain does not have a straight timeline for the trauma. It is a loop that you are stuck in, the trauma has no end. It needs to reprocess the trauma so your brain knows it is Over. (emdr is a popular? effective therapy tool) Also, once a person finally feels 'safe' emotionally and physically, then feelings that have been repressed will Show Up and it can be very confusing. You then. Have to feel it, acknowledge it, and let it pass. Hope that helps a bit.

Do you have any advice on how to write an ex-soldier with PTSD without him becoming an abusive ass?

Short answer: No.

Long answer: Your challenge first is to nail down what you're talking about. There are many ways PTSD manifest in different people - and there are many different experiences that can trigger PTSD. The stereotype of a veteran struggling with PTSD is emotional outbursts, but anger is one of many possible symptoms of PTSD. Not everyone is going to have that symptom, because everyone has a different reaction to trauma.

I get the impression that you're thinking of a combat vet, but there are many different kinds of soldiers who can have many different experiences that lead to having PTSD. A med tech who's never been near a firefight might struggle with trauma involved in dealing with injured people nonetheless. Someone who witnessed a horrible crash from afar can still develop PTSD from the experience. America is, unfortunately, a land of trauma, and it's not difficult to find examples of how people deal with it.

TV shows love the drama of relaying how a former soldier suffers from a traumatic experienced filmed in narrow hallways in a yellow grain. Gently, I'd encourage you to avoid going down this route, as it's overdone and overshadows all other experiences with PTSD.

Your best approach is to consider what kind of character you're writing, and what kind of development you want them to have. How would your story change if instead of overreacting emotionally to negative stimuli, they shut down and stay quiet. There are a lot of good books out there on living with PTSD and trauma - check out what your local library has! It will definitely help to gain a wide idea of how PTSD can work and how best to approach it in a narrative.

[katherineholmes]

Hi! Just wanted to say I was so excited to read the new chapter of The Monsters in Her Heart!! I was wondering, is there any chance of getting some insight into Klaus or Elijah’s POV even through a one-shot at some point? I’m so curious to know what they’re thinking during all these moments where they’re staring at Elena or she’s monologuing in her head - but also completely understand if that’s the point! Can’t wait for the next chapter already 😊

Hey! I think this was an ask for chapter 8 or 9, I’m not entirely sure now, but I’m sorry about how long it’s taken me to answer it 🙈

Hmm….I actually do have one or two snippets lying around of from Klaus and Elijah’s perspectives, but a lot of Monsters is about getting into Elena’s head, and seeing things through her perspective. It’s limited, unfortunately, because the trauma that she has gone through,has turned her into a bit of an unreliable narrator, but it’s intended to be that way. So much of the fic is about fear, anxiety, PTSD and the lasting effects of trauma and grief that it can only really work with her as the narrator.

But if you do want a bit of insight into Klaus and Elijah’s minds, I think they’re at very different places. Elijah sees Elena as many things, a doppelgänger, his soulmate and then as herself. It takes him a while to wrap his head around the fact that he’s destined to be with a woman whose face is deeply intertwined in his history and in his life. Over the time he spends with her and the more he finds out about her, the more he starts seeing her as her own person.

I think, to an extent, Elijah realises that there’s more to her trauma than she says, after all, he’s seen Klaus’ trauma responses, Rebekah and Marcel’s as well. So he recognises them, but he isn’t sure what to do, even though it does affect him. He knows that confronting her or talking to her won’t really end well, so he tries to help in his own ways.

It’s slightly more complicated for Klaus. To him, she’s both the woman he’s wanted more than anything and the one he didn’t want at all. Klaus doesn’t think a soulmate can change his life because he believes that anyone would easily pick Elijah over him, so he tells himself that he doesn’t need a soulmate anyway. That he’s fine as he is. But he does need his doppelgänger, which is Elena. And so she’s stuck being many things for him.

At first, he believes he can kill her, but he doesn’t because of Elijah. That lasts until she talks about the curse with him, and shows him kindness. Instead of talking about her own impending death (which she heavily romanticises), she talks about him. She’s worried about how the curse, the betrayal must’ve affected him, the loss of self that he feels, which he thinks no one else ever tries to understand. But she does. For days afterwards, he paints her face because there’s a chance she might just understand him.

Then she breaks down in front of him, and he realises he was right. There’s this part of himself that he hates, that he wants to avoid, and has repressed for centuries, which he believes to be weak, but he sees that part in her. And it reassures his belief that she truly might get him.

He tries to learn more about her, but her walls are high and he starts watching her, stalking her at night. Seeing her in his art studio, studying his paintings while he studies her, makes him think that he can keep her alive for a while longer, that it won’t be a big deal because he isn’t as affected as Elijah is, and that she might show him more of that compassion.

I do hope that gives a little more insight into Klaus and Elijah’s minds, and I might write a one-shot form their POV but only after this fic is over.

Also, that got a bit too long, but I hope that’s okay!

[gokupowers]

do you have any tips for writing dave or rose?

!!!! i am no expert but!

dave: rambles, asks a lot of questions without waiting for the answer. his raps are truly shit. in terms of actions, i usually think of repressed closeted gay guys who compensate w hypermasculinity + the kind of people that are overly chill bc theyre super emotionally repressed. hes clearly a smart guy but he can't help but bring in a million references in all his jokes, and he remains very casual/flippant about most things (if he got stabbed, he would quip before reacting properly). later in the comic, he becomes more rambley but this is more clearly out of anxiety/habit than to be funny. it depends on which characterization you go with (early or late comic); pesterquest kinda makes him this shy blushing guy who poorly hides behind the cool guy mask, but 2009 dave was a genuine menace/vibe terrorist. like remember him and tavros' first interaction? thats p much what i think of most when i try to write him aggressively. for his rambles, i have ADHD and i have a rambley thought pattern so i just let my thoughts wander, though you might have to force yourself to do it. sometimes theres emotional beats i want to hit so i plan it out, but usually his main dialogue can be broken down into (genuine sentiment) (pop culture reference) (train of thought rambling to hide genuine sentiment) then rinse and repeat. he has a fixation on sex and dick jokes and hes very irreverent. sometimes he can be defensive. honestly the best tip is trying to remember his main character motivations: for me, i think his is being invulnerable. he's all about being the strongest person in the room; that can translate into social capital (cool guy persona/being perceived as cool), physical prowess, or whatever u want it to be. dave is a character that constantly wants to prove to himself and others that he cannot be hurt, even though he's actually kind of a sensitive guy (a pacifist whos forced to fight). his "coolness" (which is actually just being a fucking weirdo? i dont think dirk or dave actually know what being cool means other than apathetic. i def think he was homeschooled) is a mask and a compulsion, so keep that in mind! also, i think its good to have people as contrast to him bc hes so weird/aggressively chill to emphasize the weirdness of his own actions/behavior, cuz that gets lost when hes next to the other strilondes (karkat is a good comedic striaght man). one of the biggest flaws, i think, when people write him is when they make him this shy traumatized guy who can do no wrong. he clearly is capable of hurting people (and has done so!), usually as a result of his antagonistic bluster or violence. his whole character journey is about strength and confidence in a very masculine way, and that means that people can get hurt.

rose: she's literally susan sontag. most of her writing style is very similar to 70s-80s feminist scholarship, when most essays were about freud and phallic imagery. she has mommy issues and a penchant for passive aggression. like dave w irony and coolness, she hides behind big words/intellectualism and freudian psychoanalysis. they both deeply dislike not being in power/having control, though dave's comes from being conditioned into it and rose's is a genuine compulsion from her childhood. she has trouble being vulnerable/relinquishing that control. it should be noted that her psychoanalysis, while i think she's a smart girl, is almost entirely for show bc fruedian analysis is not really regarded as helpful/viable among contemporaries. she is constantly on the defense; she interprets her mom's well-meaning actions as cruelty, and doesn't trust easily/assumes the worst out of other people. when i think of her, i mostly just think: what would a lesbian with mommy/trust issues do? and its usually pretty straight forward from there. she pretends to be calm, but is prone to a lot of impulsivity and petty anger (blowing up eridans computer, blowing up her own planet/house). ironically, she's one of the easier characters for me to write, bc her character schtick is pretty much my academic writing. if you're struggling with dialogue or tone, just read some of sontag's writing LOL. like how in detective pony dirk plagiarizes a lot of derrida, i think rose would do the same with sontag. against interpretation is a good one if you're up for the read! also shes cuttingly sarcastic and smart/sees through things easily, but that can make her a really difficult person to get along with. dont be scared to make the characters unlikeable. cuz all of the HS characters kind of are unlikeable as people, esp if you dont know them well. like, shes the type of bitch to tell you john berger style all the flaws of marvel as a piece of military propaganda when you're just trying to watch chris evans' man boobs. for her, everything is deep/more than it appears on the surface. + her alcoholism is interesting because she hates giving up control, and alcoholism is what enables her to do so. i dont think most people understand inherently that she is a darker character. people do the whole horror terror stuff fine, but i mean that she is prone to cruelty and manipulation because its how she reacts to perceived danger. shes very girl dirk in that sense. people make her hyper-competent and hyper mentally healthy, but in my opinion? dont be afraid to make her a bitch, LOL.

if you get the chance lmk how your writing goes!! ^_^

[dandymaximilian]

Uh, here's some my personal headcanons for some of the Wordgirl Villians and their backstory. Also, what I think they looked like when they were younger.

Lady Redunant Woman

Rebellious, a troublemaker, and prankster.

Often caused trouble in Fair City out of sheer boredom.

Had a very odd, 80's sense of fashion.

Designed a lot of her own clothing.

Perky and fun loving, before customer service/life drained her.

Dreamt of being a model, but was rejected over and over again by the industry.

Had an easier time forming attachments to inanimate objects rather than people.

Settled for her current job out of desperation for money.

Mrs. Question

An animal's rights activist.

Became a vegetarian at a young age

A teacher's pet and an A+ student.

A quick learner and incredibly observant.

Endlessly curious, so she asked a lot of questions in school and at home.

Many of her peers were annoyed by this.

Became discouraged when her degree (philosophy) proved useless.

Turned to villiany as a way of utilizing her skills.

An absolute comic book geek.

She had every comic that depicts The Riddler, and based her villian persona off of him.

Leslie

Painfully shy and insecure.

She didn't have many friends due to this.

An absolute workaholic and an A+ student, often studying to the point of exhaustion.

Had a controlling, strict family who micromanaged her life.

Wanted to be a hero since she was a young girl, so she could finally feel a sense of power and confidence.

Found comfort in comics and princesses.

Superman was her favourite comic book hero, although Wonder Woman was a close second.

Was hired by Mr. Big by absolute chance, and was tricked into believing he was a hero. Yet, she never looked back.

She used to look up to Mr. Big, before getting to know him better. 🤣

Big Left Hand Guy

Suffered from bad insomnia due to crippling anxiety.

Dropped out of high school.

Deeply insecure, only finding pride in his big left hand due to it's strength.

Dreamt of preforming in theatre, but was too overwhelmed by stage freight.

Obsessed with the 1940's aesthetic and films, as it reminded him of his late father.

His first crush was Charlie Chaplin.

Ended up working as a construction worker, and gained a grudge from terrible conditions.

Became a villian as a way of proving himself worthy.

Spent a lot of time at the gym, using the equipment to let out his repressed anger.

Invisi-Bill

Was sent to boarding school at a young age to "straighten him out".

Struggled with staying visible, and was often ignored because of it.

Was seen as annoying whenever he was perceived by his peers.

Had to suppress personality due to pressure from parents and teachers.

Victorian fashion was a significant interest of his, and he put a lot of effort into his appearance.

Dreamt of being a celebrity of any kind, so that he could be beloved by countless of people.

Became a villian for the attention.

Loved to sing whenever he was alone, even if he wasn't very good at it.

The Butcher

Dreamt of being like his father, Kid Potato, since he was old enough to speak.

His mother died during childbirth, so he was raised by his father.

Kid Potato often left him at home alone while he committed crimes.

Dropped out of highschool.

He didn't have many friends after kindergarten, and was teased for the way he spoke.

Found comfort in his meat products, often stimming with it or stress eating.

Stole tokens at the arcade, specifically to play Dance Dance Revolution.

Secretly dreamt of being a dancer, but never found the courage or the confidence to go for it.

[superectojazzmage]

I think it also can be demonstrated with anon’s given example of Luke Skywalker in the Sequels. Luke is a case study in this kind of thing because he’s been on both sides of the equation; this concept being done badly and it being done well.

The thing about Disney Sequel Luke, in my opinion, is that he actually IS in-character… for what Luke was like in the same time period in Legends. At the same general time frame that the Sequels take place in, Legends Luke was indeed just like how Rian Johnson tried to portray him; flawed, broken down, world-weary, cynical, disillusioned, and struggling with PTSD and depression, but also a master of the Force who’d developed eclectic but powerful skills and pragmatic attitudes while still being a good man deep down who genuinely wanted to help as many people as he could. Legends Luke was a shell-shocked and sarcastic knight struggling with the weight of the world, but also a surprisingly crafty man and natural liar who could manipulate enemies into playing to his tune, just like Johnson wrote him as.

The thing is, though, Legends Luke had a lot more REASON to become like that. Legends Luke had suffered incredible hardships in his role as leader of the New Jedi Order and hero of the Rebellion. He canonically suffered from immense PTSD, anxiety, and depression over both the things he did in wartime and the suffering he endured at the hands of post-war opponents, to the point that he at one point tried to demand that the New Republic try him for war crimes in a desperate attempt to assuage the guilt he felt over the thousands he killed by blowing up the Death Star. Legends Luke had faced horrendous challenges; not just the inherent stress of trying to reconstruct and rebuild the Jedi faith, but also the burden of constantly being pulled into the New Republic and Imperial Remnant’s cold war and political games, experiencing torture at the hands of Cronal, fighting on the frontlines of the Yuuzhan Vong invasion, and losing multiple students to Sith revivalism — Kueller, Brakiss, Desann, Alema, Jacen — not to mention having a lot of dear friends and family die, including two of his nephews and his own wife. Physically, he gets brutalized too, and he’s practically crippled by his final battle with Abeloth in Fate Of The Jedi, which just so happens to be his chronological final living appearance in Legends. And on top of all that, he even loses an emotional crutch in the form of Obi-Wan and Yoda’s ghosts, who stop appearing to him after Endor (implicitly because they fully moved on to the afterlife), a fact which leaves Luke feeling profoundly alone.

There’s even a scene where Luke at one point randomly realizes that he hasn’t taken a moment to grieve or truly unwind ONCE since Owen and Beru were killed way back in A New Hope, and he proceeds to near-instantly collapse and just sob hysterically and uncontrollably as he comes unzipped and the emotions he had been repressing in the name of looking strong for everyone else come pouring out like a river. Legends Luke was DEEPLY hurting. So it makes sense for him to be like that in the 30-40 ABY times. Beaten down and huffy and not really holding much reverence for the Old Jedi anymore and grumbling as other people and his own conscience strong arm him into putting his uniform back on and going out. Legends Luke became a “everytime I think I’m out, they pull me back in” kind of person.

But all of that happened over DECADES in and out of universe. Years upon years of storytelling and character development. Nonstop growing and changing with the audience. Luke aged in more or less real time, his views of the world and attitudes shifting as he was growing older. That made his transformation from the adventurous and idealistic Luke of the Original Trilogy to the more reserved and pragmatic Luke of NJO onwards actually work and make sense… and even then, this direction for his character had its critics.

The Sequels fail to convey this. Disney’s ignoring of the Legends lore and near-complete lack of a proper expanded universe prior to jumping right into the Sequels meant that, from the perspective of the audience, Luke jumps from one characterization to a completely different one between movies with no real explanation, and what explanation IS offered isn’t good enough and feels out-of-character for both versions of the character. And very little of the Disney EU made so far as provided the sort of struggle and personal torment that would make such a transition make sense. That’s why it doesn’t work for The Last Jedi to portray Luke as practically a different person; we didn’t get to SEE Luke becoming that different person over time. The last the general audience saw of him was him doing pretty great after redeeming his father, hopeful and looking to the future with gladness and already planning to restore the Jedi to their former glory. So of course they were gonna be baffled and annoyed when he abruptly transforms from Flash Gordon into William Munny.

How can you write someone turning into a completely different character? eg. Luke in TLJ.

You need to show it. If not every step, then a highlight reel of what made them shift. The more dramatic the change, the more needs to be shown.

Arcane is a perfect example. Powder becoming Jinx is both shown and not shown.

We see Powder for three episodes, then we see her as Jinx after a 7 year time skip. The first three episodes are used to set up Powder's character and her mentality. We're given all the information about her issues with abandonment, inadequacy and mental instability.

The third episode has an extremely important event occur for Powder. She suffers a mental break, accidentally kills her family and is abandoned by her sister. The episode ends with her being taken in by Silco, a ruthless crime boss.

Seven years later, we see the innocent, caring Powder has become the violent, unstable Jinx. And this isn't jarring because we shown the darker, more unstable parts of Powder, and the massive trauma she endured.

But it goes beyond that. Throughout the series, we're given MORE context for why Powder became Jinx. We're shown how Silco treats and raises her, we're shown that Silco did not curb Powder's behavior and fostered her resentment. We see the constant mental instability she deals with, we see how much she still dwells on the events of Episode 3.

Jinx's story is all about how Powder became Jinx. But it goes even further than that because Jinx isn't even fully Jinx at that point. Jinx hadn't fully committed to the change yet and the season finale is all about her choice to fully embrace the Jinx persona or not.

The dramatic change from Powder to Jinx from the viewer's perspective is built up before the change and fully justified and explored after the change happens.

This is generally true of ALL the characters in Arcane, where we're given all the information we need during the pre-time skip period to understand their post-time skip selves. However, Jinx is the most drastic change and, therefore, the best example to explore in this regard.

[welcometodiehop]

What Makes Us Human- (Solomon x MC)

GN MC x Solomon

A/N: I planned on making another series but I got stuck, so here’s a little thing after I listened to something and had some thoughts

If you learned anything from Solomon, is that learning magic is tiring. After the last time of a spell exploding in your face, you both decided to call it quits for the day. Quite frankly, you needed the break, and decided just the thing to help you and your beloved mentor to unwind. Being as quiet as you could be, you prepared some sandwiches and snacks to prepare a picnic basket without him noticing. Grabbing the basket you peek into Solomon’s study and gently poke him and ask if he would like to enjoy the evening air with you. He looks at you in surprise.

“You already made the basket? Ah, it’s a shame I couldn’t help you. I recently came up with a great dessert recipe of your favorite.”

You tried your hardest to repress the anxiety you felt at the statement. Hopefully you can pass it on to someone else secretly before you can hurt his feelings. Shaking it off, you grabbed Solomon by the arm excitedly and headed out on the town in the brisk evening air.

It was a bit of a trek, but you finally ended up at your favorite secret spot: a hill looking over the whole town, perfect enough to watch the sun go down.

“I can’t believe I haven’t shown you this spot before. It’s gotta be the coziest part of the whole city.” you say to him, flashing him a wide grin.

You set down your basket and set up your blanket, sitting down and enjoying the cool breeze. The devildom was nice, you considered it your home away from home, but there’s just something not quite like the human world.

“Do you come here a lot?” Solomon asks.

“Yup, usually to relax and do some thinking. It’s nice to get away from all the chaos from lives like ours.”

Solomon chuckles at the thought. “Yeah, you’re definitely right. Thank you for showing me this place.”

Time goes by, enjoying the homemade food brought for this excursion when a thought hits you.

“Hey Sol, what do you think makes the Human world special?”

He looks at you quizzically. “What’s this all of a sudden?”

“Dunno, just a thought. It’d be one thing to ask the demons or angels, but I think it’d mean the most coming from you.”

At first Solomon doesn’t know how to respond. A thoughtful “hmmm” escapes his lips as he closes his eyes and ponders.

“I guess I’d have to say its resilience.” he answers.

“Oh? How so?”

“Well, I’ve lived a pretty long time. I’ve seen whole civilizations come and go, but I always found it amazing that despite everything- war, famine, disease, and so on, people can find a way to persevere, if that makes any kind of sense.” He says.

“So what I got from this is that you’re an old fart.” you tease

“Oh shut it, you.” He playfully pushes you. “So, what about you? What do you think makes us so special?”

You tear your gaze away from him and look out towards the horizon. The answer seems to come to you naturally.

“Hm. I guess it would have to be the sort of freedom of choice we have. Demons and angels tend to influence us one way or another, sure. Ultimately, though, it’s up to us to choose what life we want to live.”

His lips part as you reach for his hand and look back at him, smiling.

“ And the fact that most of us choose to love is pretty cool too.”

“ (Y/N), I-“

Before he finishes his thought, you place a chaste kiss on his lips. He reciprocates, cupping your cheeks gently. Now just inches apart, he looks deeply into your eyes, gaze filled with love.

“ Speaking honestly, before you it feels like I’ve completely forgotten what this feels like. Immortality is cold and lonely existence.” he whispers.

“ I’ll always be with you Solomon. Whether I’m alive or gone from this world. Today, tomorrow, and forever.”

[disregardandfelicity]

Okay last one 🤭

(34) Vacation fic 🛫🏖 & (97) time travel ⏳ lol AND (89) First time 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨🍑

Ok you realize this is just Malta from Retrograde right?? Actually, I bet that's exactly what you intended. But I thought of Another Take.

(fic idea below, this one got a little long, also maybe a little weird 😅)

In another timeline where such things are possible, Nicky takes a week of vacation and decides to head to Ancient Greece.

In this timeline, a time travel vacation service exists – go back for a week to your favorite historical place and time, etc. It's carefully limited so that they only send a small handful of people back in time to any given date and place, although not because of any fear of the butterfly effect. No, it turns out that time is Written, meaning these people of the future cannot actually alter anything. They've already done whatever it is they might do. That said, it would spoil the experience if you went to see the pyramids being built and it was all a bunch of future folks taking notes. ANYWAY

Nicky wants to go WAY BACK to Ancient Greece because he is 35, just left the church, and was until now, deeply repressed and a virgin. He's coming in to his own but trying to date now, and revealing how inexperienced he is, has stirred up such anxiety in him that he thinks he's found a tidy solution. Go so far into the past that no one will know him and get all the kinks (no pun intended) out that way. And he's looked up some likely spots for ancient prostitutes, so that should do it.

He goes back in time and stumbles into this younger (late 20s), super fit, super charming guy, Ioseph. They hit it off right away - Ioseph isn't even a prostitute and he wants to hook up. They do. Nicky is wildly candid with this man in a way he would never be in his real life cause there are no consequences here and that radical honesty works out super well.

Ioseph does want to talk about trade routes (Nicky vaguely said he was a merchant) and how Nicky ended up here a lot more than Nicky would like and he thinks his answers are maybe not entirely making sense (he did the bare minimum of study to be allowed on this trip), because Ioseph keeps looking confused but then Nicky just kisses him or puts his mouth elsewhere and Ioseph loses the train of thought.

End of the week, Nicky says he must Return to wherever he is from and they part fondly.

Back to the future he goes, everything's great. Then, a week later, Nicky accompanies Andy to see one of her old colleagues from her prior university give a talk on a new book he's published with his studies from Ancient Greece, which is Andy's specialty.

They meet him ahead of time and Nicky is shocked to recognize Ioseph - now in his mid 30s. Turns out he was not of that time period, he was studying and there for 6 months. Some awkwardness - it's been awhile for Joe, also he's embarrassed he didn't' catch on. It's been no time at all for Nicky also he would not have done or said the things he did and said to a person he planned to see again so he's sweating.

They get over it and live happily ever after the end.