#and i suppose a little bit of cockles too?

[bibuckaroo]

genuinely every time i think about jackles’ development i feel like i’ve been hit in the face. we truly went from a macho man persona from someone who was raised in texas and kept on being negative about destiel to someone who shed that toxic masculinity aside and is now so open to talk about this kind of stuff and admitted to have a flashback of the best destiel hits on the confession scene, to the point he forgot to act. it truly blows my mind how much this fandom (and misha) broke this man down little by little.

[kieran-granola]

Material Boy

(This one is available on AO3)

When he’s not busy being a vigilante, Tim likes to think that he’s a pretty simple guy. He has normal, civilian friends. He's awkward when he talks to people he wants to bang. He likes skateboarding and playing Warlocks & Warriors. He dropped out of high school.

He also, like many kids of his generation, grew up collecting superhero merchandise and memorabilia.

And yes, maybe he never got out of the habit of collecting super-trinkets even after joining the vigilante game — a fact he keeps between himself and God, he can only imagine how much shit Steph and the others would give him if they knew — but it's not like he steals stuff from the heroes he knows. He just... buys things. A lot of things.

Which brings him to his current problem: the amount of merchandise created depends a lot on a hero's popularity. This means that Superman has insane amounts of merch. Wonder Woman and Batman too, to a lesser extent. In Gotham, Robin does pretty well for kids' stuff, and Nightwing has inspired more than one, uh, adult line of toys.

…But Red Hood? As tacky as brands can get with their products, they know better than to create merch of mass murdering rogues and villains, and unfortunately people aren't sure whether Red Hood qualifies a good guy. This means that Tim's haul is Very Poor when it comes to Hood. Which is an issue on account of Tim's massive crush on Jason.

How is a man supposed to pine in dignity when he can't even find a decent body pillow to warm his lonely bed? How?!

Tim obviously has to fix this problem. He has to rehabilitate Red Hood and ensure a steady supply of bling for his display cases. And shelves. And furniture. And possibly wardrobe, he's not picky.

He has to.

Which is why he ends up raving about Red Hood, his crime-fighting exploits, and his charity work on social media. He uses all of his covers' accounts and even creates a few more, enthusing people and posting praise until, finally, his amateur PR campaign snowballs.

He knows his job is done when his hashtags start trending outside of the Gotham metro area, and the first Red Hood plushie comes out of Build-A-Bear.

___________________________

Jason is bemused when he first gets wind of his rising popularity. Sure, it's nice to be appreciated and the genuine testimonials from Gothamites warm the cockles of his dead, dead heart, but where did the hype come from? And why are people trying to ask him for autographs? He's a crime lord! He's dangerous and scary, and people should definitely not feel comfortable enough to ask him for selfies!

…Oh fuck, is that it? Is someone trying to sabotage his reputation?

Disturbed, Jason reaches out to Oracle for some help with finding the person behind this heinous plan. He's not entirely sure why Babs laughs for five minutes straight after hearing his question, but she eventually tells him that the original accounts extolling his virtues belong to Red Robin's covers.

Shrugging to himself, he suits up and heads to Tim's nest. He busts in, ready to deliver the wrath of the Hood on Tim for making him look like a hero when he's a Very Mean, Very Dangerous Badass… only to find Tim eating Froot Loops out of some violently lime liquid, while wearing what looks like chibi Red Hood pajamas, complete with little cat ears over the stylized helmet.

Suffice to say, that display takes the wind out of Jason's sails. He holsters his weapons back and takes off his helmet so Tim can properly appreciate how appalled he is before speaking.

"Okay, what the fuck, Timbo?"

Tim blinks. "You wanna be a bit more specific there?"

"I wouldn't even know where to start. Just. What the fuck."

"Well, I'm having dinner?" Tim tries, shoving a spoonful of cereal in his mouth.

"Froot Loops in, what is that, cucumber juice? That's dinner?" Jason stares harder.

Tim swallows his spoonful thickly. "It's Mountain Dew, actually."

"Okay but that's worse. You get how that's worse, right?"

"Did you seriously come here to talk about my meal plans?"

"I came here to ask why you decided to ruin my street cred, and to kick your ass—" Jason winces as Tim eats another mouthful, "—but apparently you're doing a great job at hurting yourself on your own."

Tim gives him a blank look. "I ruined your street cred? How?"

"You told people I'm a hero," Jason says accusingly.

"Ah, I see what the problem is. Look, Jason, this might come as a shock to you and I understand if you need to take a minute to process this very new piece of information but… you are a hero, dumbass."

Jason seriously considers throwing his helmet at Tim but, with the state Tim is in, he's pretty sure it would feel like pouring water on a drowning man.

"I'm not the kind of hero they make jammies of! I mean, what the fuck are you even wearing?"

Tim pulls on his shirt to show off the design, perking up. "These? They're Red Catting Hood limited edition PJs. They're cute, right?"

You're cute, Jason mutters under his breath, before taking a few menacing steps forward. "They're ridiculous. I'm not a cat. And I'm definitely not cute."

"We're going to have to agree to disagree there."

Jason stares at him. "You think I'm cute?"

"No, I think you're a cat," Tim deadpans, still eating his disgusting mixture.

"I… I tried to kill you, remember?!"

"Yeah, you did. And now I have little cartoon kitties of you on my jim-jams. Life's full of curveballs, isn't it?"

Jason is pretty sure he's having a minor breakdown in Tim's kitchen. He opens and closes his mouth silently several times, confusion robbing him of his words. Tim watches him for a couple of minutes, then he stands up and shuffles closer to pat him on the back.

Jason lets out a very unmanly squeak of horror when he spots matching Red Catting Hood slippers on Tim's feet.

Tim shushes him. "Hey, it's okay, dude. I understand that you don't know how to deal with people expressing positive emotions in your direction after getting the Bruce special growing up, but it's gonna be fine. Just breathe. You'll get used to it."

Jason stares at Tim with wide eyes. Then he gently takes him by the shoulders.

"Timmers. Tim. You crazy little birdie. Telling me I'm cute, talking about emotions... Are you okay? Is this a cry for help? Talk to me."

"You ask me that now?" Tim gives him a judgmental look. "I can't believe that's where you draw the line. I mean, where's your 'Be my Robin' enthusiasm?"

"It drowned in your bowl of Mountain Dew next to the Froot Loops. No, but seriously. If I'm your last resort, then you can tell me what's wrong. No need for tacky PJs, I'll listen."

Tim's eyes narrow. "Okay, then listen to this. First of all, my PJs aren't tacky. Second, I like you, dumbass, and yeah, I think you're cute. And third, I hyped you up on social media because I wanted Red Hood merch for my collection."

Jason takes a second to let that confession wash over him. He regrets removing his helmet. He's blushing, he knows he's blushing. In fact he must have been a redhead in another life, because he must be reminiscent of a tomato at this point, and oh no. He's a grown-ass man, why is he blushing like a nerd for this incredibly sleep-deprived, adorable maniac?

"You have a collection?" he squeaks.

"Uh, yeah. I started it when I was 4." Tim raises his eyebrows. "But nevermind that, are you seriously going to leave me hanging? I just told you I like you, man."

"I don't know what to say," Jason chokes out. "This... You're—I'm not good for you."

"Sorry but the entire internet would disagree. You're a hero, remember? And I can take care of myself, thank you very much. I don't need to be patronized."

Jason gestures at Tim's dinner. "That is demonstrably false."

Tim pouts. "Well. If you were my boyfriend, you could make sure I eat properly."

"Is that what you want? To be my b—" Jason's voice breaks. He swallows before trying again. "To be my boyfriend?"

"I mean, yeah?" Tim shrugs. "That's not why I hyped you up, I'm not kidding about the merch thing. But. Yeah. That would be… Good. Nice."

"Oh."

"Is that something you'd like too?"

Jason licks his lips. "Yeah, I—I think so. Yeah. There's just one thing though..."

Hope sparkles in Tim's eyes. "What?"

"It's just... I can't let people think you like me more than I like you."

"What does that mean?"

"It means—" Jason tugs on the fabric of Tim's PJs, "—that for every Red Hood item you own, you have to get me some matching Red Robin merch."

Tim grins a wide, bright, genuine smile that almost offsets the deep purple bruising under his tired eyes. "It's a deal."

___________________________

(They show up to the Manor together two months later to announce their relationship. They walk in hand-in-hand, Jason wearing a Red Robin hoodie, Tim in a Red Hood henley. Damian doesn't even have to pretend to gag at the sight.)

[incarnateirony]

ok so like. i don't know how to explain this to fandom, and this is really going to just fry the heads of 75% of the con crowd but

You realize like... all the changes, ALL of them, big and small, are the beginning of larger changes. Not only were J2 M&Gs diminishing returns (once, a J2 meet actually sold lower than a Jensen solo at the same con, so um.), they were slowly being divided in name. J2>J&J>jensen and jared, now I think even being like fullnamed between each other on greet listings.

The two's autos dropped down from being gold exclusive. Jared's been reaching out to other cons closer to demographics he's actually after. The new kids have mentioned starting cons soon. And where praytell do you imagine the time/space for them with our current setup?

Yeah, like. In the near future, the days of J2 gold may end. Or stay vestigial in name only while greatly devalued as autos can be gotten generally and J2M do a variety of cons that make them all accessible.

Now, for The Winchesters, Jensen is arguably, you know, still pretty relevant, and Misha will be too. And it's not like they're gonna kick Jared OUT of cons, Sam has a role too. But it's uh, it's J2M's turn to be con B tier, guys.

And that's fine. Like Jensen's busy af. Him doing an occasional weekend panel that's cool. And I'm sure when he's around he'd love to panel crash some of the new kids as their Dad(TM).

But that's just it guys. It's gonna be the new kids. Jared could kind of import his stuff to CE cons because of the J2 package roll, and you can even kinda work that out for a bit longer when the show ended, but it's not CBS CE has a contract with. It was Supernatural cons they propped up on a stick during offseason and turned into Supernatural And Friends.

So like. A lot of them greets are just. Gonna rotate. And yeah content wise you may even get a rare cockles panel or greet when the complex scheduling stars align etc, but it's not gonna be ABOUT any of them anymore. It's ABOUT putting those old roles to rest. Yeah they're still here with us but now it's these new kids for the new age to let this new show breathe instead of a bunch of bitchy people pretending they like it depending on the thermometer about a topic in their local friend group and whatever backhanded assholes are stuck in gayle's doxxy threatening ass pipeline to 2po. Like. Bye. They don't WANT you.

But they're too busy trying to show exactly why and how they're toxic, saying no one should listen to the creatives to check into the truth, demanding someone prove it to them now rather than them calmly waiting for the finale like most of the rest of us. Like. Yeah. That. Exactly that. That's why J2M know they mostly have to Get Out Of The Way. All of them, to be honest. They can be B line, but Starting Soon At A Con Near You, there's a whole other crew that get to be the stars now.

And that's okay, and natural, and something all of them, Jensen especially, get to be super proud of, so I do hope people can be grown ups, act their age like the aging-up network demo is telling them to do, and actually do this with grace as these new young actors spread their wings, several with very little previous exposure. It's their time. The guys are gonna be proud dads. So even if you don't LIKE the show or whatever. At least be proud as a fandom parent. Like it might not be your cuppa at the end or whatever, but everyone kinda got it there, now let new kids have fun.

I think that's gonna be the hardest for many socialites.

Letting go of those rings and that... well everything about the current core con crowd, really. Over the next year, most things they know are going to evaporate. Gish? Nah gish is just part of it yall; Misha's life expedited it, no doubt, but no reason to fight that battle. It's their time to have cons and change the world. All the geezers take a clue from your supposed idols and fuck off graciously, and lovingly, and don't be That Mother In Law, jesus christ.

caw caw, bitches

-Harab Serapel

[cooloddball]

OK, but really Destiel only truly makes sense with Cockles as the context.

Because it was never supposed to happen. They hadn't originally written it into any script, and only later did they begrudgingly/jokingly add small bits in. It all was born of the underlying attraction/interest between Jensen and Misha.

Don't get me wrong, there are obviously major differences, but the basic formation of the relationship is the same. Cas being this new, strange being, unlike anything Dean had encountered, over the years becoming an integral part of his life. Misha being this new, strange guy, putting Jensen on edge, over the years becoming an integral part of his life.

And Destiel follows in the footsteps of Cockles; In that it began this whirlwind of panic and confusion and overwhelming attraction, and slowly over the years developed into a deep love that only they really understand.

Looking at photos of early Cockles/Destiel, and then later Cockles/Destiel, and there's that same transition in both relationships. Honestly, Cockles evolved, and Destiel evolved with it.

🖤🦇

i don't know how i missed this ask.

yes you are on to something. there are so many instances where i'm like, 'that's not dean and cas, that's jensen and misha."

for anyone who has watched the entire show and most importantly 4x01, dean was bewildered (for lack of a better term) when he saw cas. now, fast forward to jensen saying, "...but nobody has come on and put me on my heels as much as misha did that first day. i was just like, who is this guy, is he for real? but then it so worked and i was like alright, you're a lot smarter than i thought."

with them, it's actually hard to know where to draw the line. i recall at honcon2018 (or maybe it was dccon2019) misha made fun of jensen for talking like dean and jensen asked him why he was talking like cas. like their relationship is quite unique in a way that you can tell they are more than friends just like dean and cas. like it's the way they are blushy around each other and have their own little world where jensen is almost always angled towards misha and he has the hugest grin when he's looking at him, the heart eyes etc. the line is pretty thin and i'm sure they themselves have blurred it a few too many times. and you are right, neither could've existed without the other.

then there are moments like this that solidify the whole theory that cockles is destiel's fault and destiel is cockles fault.

[wigglebox]

I agree with you, Cockles is fun because it feels like M and J are in on it, you know? They could say "stop, this makes me uncomfortable" and quite a few celebs with RPS's have done that, and then I would expect fandom to back off. But they're joking *with* us, I think, and it also speaks well of them that they tease good-naturedly about something so sensitive. They're not making fun of us, they're poking fun at each other and get a kick out of seeing fandom go nuts over it (plus, the flip side I've seen of "oh they're together and using cons as kinky foreplay" is also . . . Not great). It's all in good fun so long as it isn't serious in a way that affects these guys' actual lives and careers. And I disagree with anyone who says that joking with fans makes their personal lives fair game.

yeah so that's why like --

idk, like if we're now supposed to take that 'i happen to be straight' statement and cover it over all of their past actions, which also include them both basically saying they were straight over the years in a comment here or there, then it still doesn't detract from all the... well i mean it feels almost like inside joking. you know? like we're all in on the unspoken thing, whatever that thing is, but it's like idk.

the day i get the vibe they hate it or that they tell us to chill out or stop it i will... but for now? like goodness even that little stripping bit at their panel? they know what we think about them and they still do these things and i think that's fine, absolutely fine. it's funny it's cute it's a little crumb for us and they know about us and we know they know about us and they know we know they know about us and so forth.

cockles has been something that's been going on for so long that they've had ample opportunity to squash it if they hated it, and they didn't. and they joke around with it too but not in a malicious way but in a gentle way that demonstrates to us that queer or in fact 100% rigidly straight, they're still comfortable with both still interacting with each other and affection and they are comfortable with us [again, so long as we keep our feet on the ground and don't overstep]

[theyarebothgunshot]

[part 1/2]

Hi, I’ve fallen in the cockles dumpster years ago and I don’t know how to reach the surface anymore.

we can say I’m a newbie on your inbox and I just thought we could all tinhat a little bit about one of the things that sold me on cockles to be a real thing: honcon 2017.

Here’s the list of things I can’t find a platonic heterosexual explanation for:

(Funny but useless foreword, a few days before the con a fan tweeted a photo of a rainbow she saw when her flight land in honolulu and said she took it as a sign that was gonna be a gay weekend, and man she was right lol)

1- Misha flew to a hawaii on thursday just like all the other guests who were supposed to be at the con way before J2 did.

We know j2 stopped shooting the same day/the day after because on friday Jensen was spotted by a fan on a plane to honolulu even tho he was expected to be there on sunday.

while Jared preferred spending that bit of free time at home. (Gen posted a few instagram stories of jared and the kids in Texas.) Jensen went straight to misha instead.

Even tho at the previous con j2 talked about how the following weeks were going to be full of work commitments and between work and cons so close to one another they couldn’t see the families as much.

I’m not saying Jensen didn’t miss his wife and kid. He loves them and clearly meant it when he said he missed them so much. That’s why it was surprising seeing him join misha so early. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say it was a planned trip to spend time together.

2- I think it’s positive to say he was there early for Misha and only misha since that night a fan took a picture with them at an hotel bar. She posted it on instagram and said it was just the two of them, then she had to put the account on private since too many people were asking questions.

It’s strange how we only got one photo of that night tho, they’re always super nice with fans when being approached and usually after the first brave soul finds the courage to ask everyone else follow through.

Again I think they clearly wanted to be alone that night. No fans no castmates.

Maybe they were celebrating something?

3- Then the panel happened.

We all remember Jensen showing us how bad his kink for misha’s weird accents have gotten, how cheerful and at ease they were on stage.

Even I could feel the love was in the air and I live on the other side of the ocean!

welcome to the dumpster, nonnie! i love all of this a lot. i *just* got your part two and i am putting it and my reaction under the cut!! 

[part 2/2]

4 - Jensen also bought matching shirts for his friends. One black shirt for him and an identical one for his bro. But misha’s was red cause he knows him well enough to notice he never wears black shirts.

I mean Jensen has a history of showing affection through gifts, (I have a few examples on my mind but no time to write it all down now)

That was a nice thing to do.

5- Least but not last

THE DINNER STORY.

I don’t care if it’s been years I’m still not over how sweet that moment was.

The question was an easy generic one, It took misha less than two minutes to answer.

But then mr. 10 years. same bar, same table. same company. grabs the microphone and procede to share with us one the sweetest memory of Misha he got.

I mean it was so unexpected. Unlike Jared and Misha he’s careful about what he think is appropriate and what’s not.

In my mind it sounded like: “Listen I know it doesn’t answer your question but I’ve just spent a good weekend with this person right here, that I clearly love and care for, and I’m feeling soft, so let me tell you about how I realized I was whipped on him since our very first date”

Again I find it curious Jensen was reminiscing about how they first got together on that particular weekend.

The same one he decided to join misha early just to be with him.

That was one of the moments I realized there’s no way this is a platonic relationship.

Ok this turned out way longer than I expected.

I clearly miss jenmish so much I can’t stop blabber about them.

I’m sorry

Polaroid anon

first of all: don’t be sorry, i truly loved this because i felt like i was seeing the panel again in my minds eye while i was reading your message. 

second of all: you are absolutely right about everything except for calling misha’s shirt red. it was orange, which is misha’s favorite color, which makes it even more special that jensen got that one for him. 

i also think that jensen went there early just for mish, which is just. a lot. it reminds me of another con, where jensen could have gone home already but he waited for misha who had to do something else there the next day, and then two days later they were spotted together i think at the airport. 

i 100% agree that the fact that jensen shared that story about one of their first dinners is very special and rare. especially because in the past, whenever somebody wanted to hear a story from them, they both never knew what to share (probably because of lot of their stories are not suitable to share tbh) and to me it almost felt like he really thought about what he could share and what he would feel comfortable with, after all those times where he just went ‘shit idk what to say’. 

and what he shared just felt so romantic? like. the look on misha’s face when jensen was talking was also so soft, he was clearly thinking back on that moment. a moment they both remembered all those years later. i mean at that point they had known each other for nearly 10 years and they still remembered that one particular night. it made an impression on both of them. it was a date. and then to top it off jensen added that he thought to himself ‘but i think i love him a little bit more too’. wow. 

see, no need to apologize for talking a lot, as i clearly do the same sjfhshf.

[fangirlingtodeath513]

The Cockles Breakup Theory - Jensen

So I’ve previously posted here about the Cockles Breakup Theory, but that focused more on Misha’s side of it since Misha’s side was a bit more obvious. I’ve gotten a few requests to do one specifically focusing on Jensen, so here we are. 

First of all, under no circumstances is this to be brought up with any of the cast or crew. Discussions like this are born in the fandom space and they’re meant to stay there. Please do not use these posts, or posts similar to this, to push an agenda with the actors, their families, or anyone else. This is purely speculative and purely for fun.

Throwing this under a cut because it’s gonna get long.

I’m gonna start out by giving a rough overview for those of you that don’t remember. We’re hovering between October of 2011 and somewhere around August of 2012. So we’re in season 7, where it looks like Cas has been removed from the show permanently. 

Misha shows up drunk and ornery all through Asylum 7, which was the following weekend. Jensen looks relatively unfazed. We don’t see much from him until well after fans were made aware of Misha’s return around December of 2011. 

The whole thing starts with this tweet from Misha:

[A screenshot of a tweet from Misha Collins on October 21, 2011. It reads: “I’m not normally one to talk coworkers, but Jensen jus let me take this picture of him shirtless.” This is followed by a link that leads to a very close-up picture of the left side of Jensen Ackles’ face, from his forehead to the bottom of his nose.]

This is pretty on-the-nose (pardon the pun) even for Misha, who’s typically very flirty and jokey with his friends. I’ve seen people theorize that this particular post is what spurred their breakup, in addition to the other factors of Misha being let go from the show and not being on set in Vancouver with Jensen anymore. My personal theory is that their relationship, whatever it was at the beginning, was as much of a comfort thing as it was a relationship. They were there for weeks at a time, away from their families, and I don’t doubt that they took comfort in each other. When that factor was removed, that relationship basically fell apart. I’m sure Misha being so jokingly open about their relationship didn’t strike Jensen in the best way either. He’s always been an intensely private person, though he has opened up to fans more recently, and I’m sure any insinuation that he’s living anything other than the life of the normal American male makes him nervous.

The Jensen side of this is generally thought of like this: from mid-October 2011 (the time of Misha’s tweet, which is thought to have started the breakup) to roughly February 2012, Jensen was super tight-lipped about Misha and Cas. He hardly says anything, which some people write off because Misha and Cas weren’t on the show. However, the fans knew Misha would be back in December of 2011, so J2M probably knew before that and Jensen was still tight-lipped about Misha and Cas. 

Somewhere around February, though, something happened. Jensen’s a lot more open with talking about Cas and whenever he brings up Misha, he always mentions how much he helps to carry the show and how great he is, almost like he’s trying to praise him at every opportunity. Throughout panels between February and August 2012, he does just about everything he can to get Misha’s attention. He flirts with him, pulls him into the conversation as often as he can, and brings up Misha/Cas even when he’s not around.

There’s this set of gifs regarding Jensen speaking about Cas and the loss of Cas during season 7. He’s overly nice in them and gushes about Cas, leading some people to believe he was trying to get Misha’s attention and show him that he really did care. 

In this set of gifs from February-ish 2012, you’ve got him saying he’ll take Misha back on the show with a pleased smile.

At Nashcon in February, Jensen is asked what it’s like to have Misha back on set and he says “It’s very refreshing, you know, he’s one of the family.”

And of course, there are the various statements about Dean taking Cas’s trenchcoat from the water, which wasn’t scripted. Misha said at an earlier con that he thought Dean was overly obsessed with Cas and that it was super creepy which, if you pay any attention to Misha at all, is super out of character for him. As far as I’m aware, he’s always been super supportive of Deana and Cas’s relationship (romantic or not). Also at Nashcon, Jensen says he discussed the move with the director, Guy Bee, and “if [Cas] ever comes back, he’s gonna need the trenchcoat.”

And then we’re onto JIB3 in April 2012. This one’s… rough, to say the least. For anyone who watches the Cockles panels at JIB, you know what they’re usually like: fun, flirty, usually with drunk Jensen and Misha. Misha almost always takes the lead in their panels because he’s always been the one more comfortable in front of fans, but this time he just sits back and watches. It’s the panel Cockles fans look forward to all year, but this one was… well, see for yourself.

Jensen kinda carries the whole thing. It’s pretty clear Misha’s not at all into being there.

And then there’s this exchange, which just speaks for itself:

[A set of gifs from Jus In Bello Convention in Rome. The exchange is as follows: Jensen: I-I had a great time. I really did. It wasn’t you, it was me. Misha: It’s funny, I just thought that, for me it was really special, so. Jensen: That’s, um… that’s too bad. That’s too bad. But maybe we can give it another shot! See if the creative juices get flowing. No? Okay. During this exchange, Jensen is very animated, moving his hands to punctuate his points and tilting his body toward Misha at times. At the end of that exchange, Jensen turns in his seat so Misha is slightly behind him. Misha, throughout this exchange, is incredibly reserved. He only moves to bring his microphone to his mouth and he turns his head to look at Jensen, but his body stays facing the crowd.]

I mean like what... how are you even supposed to interpret that any other way than a breakup? Look at Misha’s face, he looks devastated. His head is down, he doesn’t move at all while they’re talking, and he’s facing the crowd the entire time. His legs are straight out in front of him, unlike Jensen’s relaxed sitting posture.

Then there’s this whole thing, where Misha is so obviously trying to make Jensen jealous. It’s not until Misha sees Jensen looking over that he really goes for it, groping Sebastian and pretty much dry humping him on stage. Jensen just looks around awkwardly during this encounter, like he’s not really sure what to do with himself.

There’s also this debacle, which was also at JIB3. I’m not sure whose duck it was (I think Cliff’s, J2’s bodyguard) but Misha had autographed it with “Cliff, I want to give you my big d*ck”. The entire cast had been messing around with it all day, then Jensen walks on stage, sees Misha’s autograph, and almost immediately takes a sharp object to the duck to ruin it. I don’t want to assume this is because of Misha but like…………… I have eyes and a brain. 

As far as how it was resolved? We don’t really know. I doubt we’ll ever really know, to be honest with you. Around the time of filming 8x05, they had VanCon, where they were both visibly in much, much better spirits. Misha kissed a poster of Jensen, Jensen was so much more open that even at the time, some fans who attended the con remarked on it. This brings us to August of 2012, where it appears they mended whatever went wrong. Was it that Misha wasn’t on the show? Was it something more, like Jensen thinking they were becoming a little bit too public? We’ll probably never know.

I’m not going to tack my thoughts on the end here since I want this to primarily be an informational post, so if you’d like me to go in-depth with my own theory of what happened and what went down, I’ll certainly do that in a different post :) These are some other really great resources for the breakup theory that cover things way more in-depth than I have, especially with the conventions. There’s this one, which is basically the Cockles bible, most (if not all) of the pertinent info about the breakup is listed there. Here’s a youtube playlist of all the key moments we’ve discussed here as well as some others. You can also check out my cockles tag or my cockles breakup theory tag for more delightful cockles info.

[green-blue-heller]

Some moments of J and M are so personal that I feel little uneasy to look at (cockles etc,) even when Cas was confessing to Dean I squinted my eyes and looked at the scene with almost one eye open.

Oh anon…

Yeah, a lot of it does seem like it could be them momentarily forgetting there is an audience.

Sometimes it’s so raw and unfiltered. Especially when you have Jensen staring at Misha like he’s the most precious thing in the universe, and ignores the crowd.

It’s adorable and sickeningly sweet.

And I love them so much lol.

But yeah, the confession seemed to be as much Misha and Jensen as it did Cas and Dean. And partially, I think it’s because they channeled their relationship into it.

I mean, Jensen literally said after 15.18 that he had a crew member record it on his phone because he wanted the unedited, no music, no effects moment to look back on - as Jensen. That he wanted to be able to look back and remember how this happened in real life and in character life.

That notion still short circuits my brain.

But yeah. I think they do play some things up, but I think it’s just a part of who they are.

There are too many reports of people who have been on set and say they sit around the set with their heads together, arms around each other, and/or holding hands to even think it’s just a bit they do for fans. I mean, twelve years is a long time to play a bit and pretend to be in love because an audience ships your characters.

I have a lot of shows where I want characters to be together. Never thought about or cared if the actual actors were together - when when they were publicly a couple lol.

But these two assholes?

Are fucking adorable and I love their love, no matter how they choose to define it. Because it’s obvious that there is a LOT of love there.

But yeah, I’d say about 98% of the cockles fandom often feels uncomfortable and that we’ve barged in on something we weren’t supposed to see… even when they’re doing it live on stage in front of hundreds of people…

[whengeorgiawentblue]

A little bit of tinhatting...

I’m not very into tinhatting by myself and propose hypothesis, I rather prefer to learn from wiser people who knows much more than me about the cockles lore. But I want to indulge myself and post an idea which has been around my head for a while.

Jensen moved to Colorado. It seems he’s going to live there permanently (besides going to Toronto for the Boys and to Austin from time to time where I guess he still keeps his home).

But, why moving to Colorado? Yeah, the mountains, the forests, the solitude, him and his family away of the spotlight. But he mustn’t live too far away from civilization, I suppose. I guess he must live not too far from Denver. 

So out of curiosity I had a look to Google Earth to search Denver (I’m not American) and, well, it surprised me that it’s almost in the middle of the US.

So Denver and their airport is almost equidistant from (marked in the map in red)

Austin: where he probably keeps his former house (afaik he hasn’t sold it), the Family Business Beer Co., and live some of his closer friends (Jared, Steve Carlson...) and I suppose also relatives?

Los Angeles: he must go there from time to time for work (i.e. fitting his soldier boy costume) and where Misha has a second home.

Seattle: Jensen doesn’t need to go there once spn has ended (it’s not too far from Vancouver) but that’s where Misha lives most of the year (in Bellingham, a town north of Seattle). Funny that’s only a bit further away from Denver than Denver from LA or Austin.

Toronto: where the Boys is filmed. By far the farthest place from Denver.

Now travelling from one place to another is fucked up because covid, but I hope   it will be much easier in the near future.

So, my question is, why did Jensen move to Colorado once spn ended? Why didn´t he move before? it made much more sense back then: living with his family in Colorado, flying from time to time to Vancouver for spn, stay in Vancouver for a while and then flying back to Colorado to stay with his family. But instead, his family stayed in Austin, the flights from there to Vancouver are much more longer (and with scales? I don’t really know), so Jensen would need to stay in Vancouver for longer periods of time.

Now spn ended, he won’t be able to see Misha so often, so he chooses (of course Danneel knows the reason and sure he supported him) to move to a place where it would make much easier for him to fly from one point of the US to another, for work or... for pleasure. Trying to make this long-distance relationship as easy to keep as possible.

So this is my ridiculous and silly tinhatting theory about one of the reasons (because sure there are other reasons) Jensen moved to Colorado. Please don’t hit me 😅

[lailyn]

Stephen stepped out of the portal, expecting to be assaulted by a flurry of arms anytime now, but they never came. He looked around. The living room was empty.

Their house was never silent. Between Tony's music and the noises of his trade, the clangs and bangs were a normal part of Stephen's life now, one he took comfort in every day. 

And more recently, ever since a bundle of heavenly mischief by the name of Loki joined in the cacophony, it made rolling out of bed in the morning that bit harder, and coming home every evening easier.

He had been blessed, not once, but twice in the search for true love.

Stephen walked down the stairs toward the basement and true enough, he found one of them hunched over a table, hard at work. 

He watched Tony for a while before patting the Cloak of Levitation a few times; he could almost sense its disappointment as the sentient relic flew to give them a moment to themselves.

"How was work today, hun?"

Engrossed in his latest project, Stephen could barely hear Tony's mumbling through his welding helmet. Which was a shame because Stephen could have used a welcome home kiss or two, on the account of his very -

"Shitty day," he sighed. "It's that time of the year again. Wannabe witches and wizards dabbling in things they can't understand. I have to sweep in and clean up all the mess."

"You do it very dramatically though."

Stephen could just see the outline of Tony's suggestive grin through the visor. "The sweeping in."

Stephen only snorted. "You're one to talk. You spent hours talking over the latest colour scheme for Mark XXVII in bed with Loki yesterday when you two were supposed to be sleeping. Green and red? You'll look like a flying Christmas Tree."

"Hey, that was private pillow talk!" Tony protested with an embarrassed chuckle. "It's all about aesthetics, darling. That's why I insist I walk in the middle when we're on the streets."

Tony had a habit of not looking where he was going most of the time, so it was only natural Loki and Stephen be his eyes on the road. Stephen had never really wondered about it, and Loki never really minded getting hit by a car or two in Tony's stead, but now that Tony had brought it up...

"Yeah, what's the deal with that?"

"Ever watched Mean Girls?" At the blank look on Stephen's face, Tony tried again. "Charmed? The one from the 90s, not the reboot?"

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about and I know everything."

"Pretty things always walk in threes, Stephen. And the prettiest one always walks in the middle." 

With a smirk, Tony slid his visor down; he turned the music up and purposely turned his back in the hope that Stephen would miscontrue it as a 'Do Not Disturb' sign. 

"Where's Loki?"

"He's around somewhere," Tony mumbled. "Go look for him, would you? He's going to think we don't care."

Stephen only chuckled and gave Tony one last peck on the top of his head. "Come find us when you're done."

"Will do."

Tony waited until Stephen's form disappeared up the stairs before picking up his soldering iron once more.   

In truth, Tony simply did not want Stephen to see what he was working on.

He may be a little late to the bandwagon but wearing one's lover's colours? Into battle? Tony was sold. Besides, he was only taking a page out of Renly Baratheon's book. 

(Who, according to Loki, had taken to wearing the stag of Baratheon in the fight against his brother Stannis, but in the colours of House Tyrell, obviously an homage to his lover Ser Loras.)

In Lokispeak, that meant Tony'd better be wearing Loki's colours the next time they went into battle together. And Tony Stark was not going to be outshined by a fictional character.

Mark XXVII was going to have the most gorgeous chest plate in metallic navy blue. 

(Because hello, two lovers! Beat that, Renly!)

It matched Stephen's Sorcerer Supreme costume perfectly, and Tony could not wait for the next villain to show up so he could show it off. 

---------------------

The energy signature powering up the wards around the house was strong, indicating that Loki had not left the house, but for some reason, Stephen could not find him anywhere.

He searched high and low, up and down all three storeys of the mansion, but there was neither hide nor tail of his mercurial lover. 

When the search had gone on long enough that pangs of worry were beginning to collect in the pit of his stomach, Stephen knew he had no choice but to resort to magic. 

He began to panic when reading a strand of Loki's hair (he always kept a few on him for moments like this) brought him right where he started, in the middle of an empty living room that felt bigger than ever now that he was utterly alone. 

Okay. Loki was officially missing. 

He was about to raise all hell when he remembered that there was another locating spell he had not tried.

It worked!

Stephen followed the mage light as it led him somewhere into the bowel of the house. He grew more and more curious as the mage light took him down a long hallway, the end of which only had a utility room where they would do the occasional laundry.

Then he saw it, the outline of a sleek Bombay cat inside the washing machine. 

"Oh, Loki…"

It seemed to be sleeping, comfortably ensconced on a small mountain of towels. 

Stephen opened the front load washer and carefully extracted it from its fluffy throne. 

The cat blinked blearily, its eyes a familiar, brilliant green. It meowed in hissy annoyance but settled almost immediately when Stephen held it to his chest. 

"What's the matter? This isn't the place to sleep," he admonished gently, scratching the cat's chin. "It's very dangerous, you know. One of us could have turned it on by mistake."

The cat pawed its way up Stephen's chest until they were eye to eye.

The hovering mage light illuminated the intelligence behind the cat's eyes, as did the Inuit kiss Loki gave Stephen's nose. 

Stephen chanted a word to close the loop on the spell, and the mage light turned into a wisp of golden smoke that disappeared into the bell dangling from Loki's neck.

Stephen fussed with the slightly askew collar to fix it when the pads of his fingers brushed against something; he turned the fine leather outward, revealing the silken lining inside. 

If found, please return to S&S, it read in gold stencil letters. 

He chuckled, remembering the first time Loki shifted and the argument that had ensured between him and their worrywart of a boyfriend.

"What does S&S stand for?"

"Why, Stark and Strange, of course."

"Why can't it be Strange and Stark?"

"Don't you know your alphabets, Doctor? A comes before R."

"Loki thinks it stands for Stephen and Stark," Stephen said triumphantly.

Tony wished he could look into Lokitty's eyes but he had to fasten the collar and check the fit before he could get it engraved, diamond-encrusted, and of course, magically and electronically tagged. "No, he doesn't. And why do you get to be Stephen, and I'm Stark?"

"It was your idea. I'm perfectly happy with S&T." 

Stephen had never been a cat lover, but for Loki he could make an exception. Loki made such a fine, handsome feline. 

"Alphabetically and perfectly happy. Yes, yes, I am." 

"What's all this?" A pair of arms snaked around Stephen's neck from behind. "A party in the laundry room and I wasn't invited?"

Tony then noticed the bundle of fur in Stephen's lap. "Is Loki alright?"

"Yeah. He's just bored."

"And hungry." Loki rematerialised, and now instead of a furball, he was a tangle of arms and legs that quickly held Stephen down in place, but Tony felt equally grounded, such was the intensity of his glare. "You promised we would go fonduing."

Stephen burst out laughing. "Loki, I don't think that word means what you think it means."

"What are you talking about? Of course it does!" Tony leaned forward over Stephen's shoulder to give Loki an apologetic kiss on the lips. "Cheese or chocolate?"

Loki's eyes lit up like gems. "Oh goodness, is it my turn to choose?"

"Of course it is, Princess."

Loki nuzzled his forehead against the underside of Stephen's jaw like he had spent too long in cat form and forgotten to hard-reset to factory settings. "Hmm. I feel very spoiled now. I can't decide."

Like Tony, Stephen too was getting better at deciphering Lokispeak. "We'll do both. Cheese for dinner, chocolate for dessert."

Tony raised an eyebrow. "That's very decadent of you, Doctor. I'm impressed."

"Wouldn't hurt to indulge once in a while."

Stephen stared at Loki's lips and imagined them dripping with cheese, and surely chocolate, later. "It's a convivial affair, fonduing."

"It warms my cockles when you talk dirty," Tony sighed happily.

"Cockles?" Loki's face fell. 

"Just a saying, darling." Tony held out a hand for Loki to take, and hoisted him out of Stephen's lap and off the floor. 

He addressed his next question to his partner who was taking his time picking cat fur off his clothes one by one, no doubt to store away for safekeeping. Every bit of Loki was magic after all.

"Shall we? I forgot to feed the cat today," he said sheepishly.

"That's why it's 'Stephen and Tony', Stark," the Sorcerer Supreme said proudly, and wasted no time demonstrating why. His portal opened up onto a nondescript sidewalk, and across the street was one of Greenwich Village's well-kept secrets, a hidden treasure trove of restaurants and cafes. 

"There!" Tony pointed at a sign that said 'The Melting Pot' in big, flashing letters. 

"Watch out for traffic, Tony," came Stephen's customary warning, but Tony was way ahead of him.

With one hand, Tony grabbed Stephen's hand, "Mine." Then he grabbed Loki's with the other. "Mine."

"All mine," Tony said possessively and pulled them both in.

Together as one, they crossed the street, with the prettiest (arguably) one in the middle, as always.

"Wanna get matching tattooes later?"

"Tony!" "Stark!"

[kuroopaisen]

Hi! Can i req kuroo falling in love with kenmas best friend?

this got super self-indulgent and super long (it’s about 3k), but,,, i hope you enjoy it!! i really loved writing it 

- admin rowan

they’d done it. they’d done the one thing most people thought was nigh impossible. 

they’d become friends with kozume kenma. 

kuroo stared at his phone, one eyebrow raised. sure enough, the message was there.

KENMA, 3:42 PM: i’m at the coffee shop. i’m meeting a friend for lunch

kenma. meeting a friend? for lunch? on campus? 

oh, he had to find out more. 

“so you’re meeting them for lunch, huh?” kuroo propped his chin up on his hand, grinning at kenma from across the table. the uni cafes tended to thin out in the later afternoon, which had made it the ideal time. this new friend of his might not have been able to encourage kenma to hang out with them if they’d arranged it for earlier in the day. 

“uh huh,” kenma murmured, eyes glued to his phone. 

“where’d you meet this friend of yours, then?” kuroo asked. all sorts of questions were bubbling in his mind. he didn’t know if he had enough time to ask them. 

“one of my electives,” kenma said. “we got paired up for an assignment. i thought it was going to be painful, but it wasn’t.” 

those words were pure poetry to kuroo. this was the first time he’d heard kenma even say something like that. 

truth be told, kuroo had been terrified that kenma would go his entire uni career without making a single friend. sure, it was only his first year, but that first semester hadn’t shown much promise. the uni volleyball team hadn’t quite… bonded yet either. not in the same way nekoma had. but that wasn’t a pain kuroo wanted to linger on in that moment. 

“so,” he hummed, “what are they like?”

he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t intrigued. kenma hadn’t made an active effort to be friends with anyone since middle school – the fact that he was going to lunch with them, of his own volition, felt like something kuroo’d have to note down in the history books. 

“they’re cool, i guess,” kenma shrugged.

kuroo pouted. he’d been hoping for a little more than that, but… 

“hi!” a voice rang out behind him. both he and kenma turned to look. 

there they stood, cheeks blindingly red and hands on their knees. 

“sorry i’m late,” they waved a hand at kenma, the other held to their chest. “i got lost, and this campus is far too large, and then someone asked me where the health center was, and–”

“it’s fine,” kenma said, his voice still soft. they stopped their tirade, trying to stand up straighter. “you should get some water.” 

“right!” they nodded. a flash, and they were gone, lost inside the coffee shop. 

kuroo bit back a smile. this was kenma’s new friend? he hadn’t expected someone so… flustered. 

“what?” kenma asked, eyes turned to kuroo. 

“nothing.” 

kenma narrowed his eyes ever so slightly. “don’t be lame.” 

kuroo gaped at him, one hand over his chest in mock offence. “whatever do you mean?” 

“you know exactly what i mean.” 

“i can’t believe they’re charging five dollars for a bottle of water,” they grumbled, appearing out of nowhere once again. both the boys looked up at them, face still flushed. 

“there are places to get free water,” kenma said. 

their expression dropped, but only for a moment. they shrugged. “too late, i suppose.” 

their eyes drifted over kuroo. he could’ve sworn their cheeks turned just turned a tad redder. “sorry, i didn’t really introduce myself, did i?”

“kuroo,” he nodded, looking them up and down. 

“oh, right,” they smiled. “i’ve heard a bit about you.”

a shit-eating grin crossed kuroo’s face as he turned to look at kenma. 

“none of it was good.” 

they bit the inside of their cheek, unsure about whether or not it’d be okay to laugh. 

kuroo just scoffed, raising an eyebrow at kenma. “after all i’ve done for you? you wound me.” 

“you’ll recover.” 

kuroo looked between the two of them, that same sly smile returning to his face. “well, i’ll leave you to it then,” he said, standing up to full height. their eyebrows raised ever so slightly – wow, he was tall. “you kids better not have too much fun, you hear me?”

they didn’t quite know how they felt about him referring to them as a ‘kid’, but they simply smiled at him. 

“it was nice to meet you!” they said, before immediately chastising themselves for their peppiness. god, you must seem so weird, they thought. 

kuroo grinned. “and you.”

and then, he was gone. they turned to look at kenma, tilting their head at him. “he’s that childhood friend of yours, right?”

kenma nodded. 

“huh,” they hummed, sitting themselves down in kuroo’s old seat. 

kenma didn’t talk about the people in his life with much embellishment, and he didn’t like being pushed to talk about them. but, this new friend of his had heard quite a few stories about kuroo; scant details that they’d managed to string together to form a loose idea of a person. they’d gotten the impression that he was a kind, grounding force, one that’d been there for most of kenma’s life.

he wasn’t what they’d expected.  

——–

to say the friendship between them and kuroo felt natural is an understatement. hell, the boy decided he was fond of them that day they met – they’d got kenma’s approval? kozume kenma, known recluse, engaged with them in meaningful ways? nothing had quite warmed the cockles of his heart like that in a while. 

and better yet, they and kenma had gotten close. they hung out a lot – or rather, they spent a lot of time at the apartment he and kuroo shared. and kuroo, nosey as he was, often crashed their time together. not that they or kenma minded; the atmosphere just always felt… right. 

and sooner rather than later, they started to go over explicitly with the intention of hanging out with both of them. as much as kenma loved the both of them, he could only deal with company for so long; but neither they nor kuroo were quite done with the conversation. they’d lost many a good night’s sleep to a long, drawn-out chat with kuroo. not that they minded. not with him. 

and that night looked like just another one of those, at first glance. 

they were both sat on the couch, their legs absentmindedly strewn over his. they couldn’t help it, really; he was just so long, and he’d decided he wanted to take up as much space as possible. mainly to piss them off. 

and, one of them was rambling on about something vaguely esoteric. this time, they’d dominated the conversation. they hadn’t planned to; it’s just that they were thinking about one of their classes that week, and it had all come flooding back. and kuroo, bless his soul, was humouring them. like he always did. 

“what, so there were eight distinct winds?” kuroo asked, tilting his head at them. 

“yeah,” they nodded. “each was it’s own, like… deity? and winds blowing from different directions would do different things to you.” 

kuroo raised an eyebrow. 

“this guy, vitruvius was saying that… well, wind would make you sick, right?”

“uh huh.”

“hot wind specifically would make you really sick.”

kuroo snorted. “why? isn’t it the other way around?”

“well…” they bit their lip, trying to simplify the needlessly convoluted concept in a matter of seconds. “the romans thought the body was made up of the four elements, right? but they thought they were heat, moisture, earth and air. and humans were supposed to have all four in balance, right? unlike fish which had like… no moisture, so they could live in water pretty easily.” they paused. “is this too much?”

kuroo shook his head. “nah. you look pretty into it.” 

they didn’t quite know what he meant by that, but he was smiling. they ignored that weird little buzzing in their stomach and moved on. 

“so anyway, getting too hot was supposed to make you weak and sick.” they didn’t quite know why they were going on about all this. it hadn’t even been a big component of their class that week; it was just a tidbit they’d found interesting. but, as always, they just kept talking. and talking. and talking. that was always the way, with kuroo. they wanted to tell him about everything. 

and half the time, it seemed to be the same thing for him. they’d heard a lot of scientific jargon they didn’t quite understand, no matter how well he explained them to them. 

“oh,” they held up a finger, their favourite fact of the week springing to mind, “they also thought that hot air made everyone horny.” 

there it was. that ugly cackle they’d grown so fond of. “what, really?”

they nodded. “and this was in the mediterranean, so… they would’ve lived through some pretty hot summers. with no air con.” 

“gross.” kuroo scrunched his nose up. they tried to ignore how cute that was. “sounds like a terrible time be horny, to be honest. you can’t be having a good time.” he looked up at the ceiling and away from you. “i’d make sure to have a fan around, at the very least.”

“did you really just say the equivalent to ‘sorry ancient romans, but i’m different’?”

“and if i did?” kuroo shot them one of his devilish grins. 

they had no retort to that. if they did try and throw a quip back at him, the conversation might get into a territory they weren’t quite ready to confront. 

“how’s your assessment going?” they asked. sure, it was an abrupt change of subject, but it was a safe one. 

kuroo groaned, his head falling even further back over the arm of the sofa. “don’t remind me.”

“sorry,” they grinned.

he sat back up with a grunt, his dark eyes narrowed. “i’ve been putting if off. volleyball practice has been my excuse, but…”

“did you get your pracs done, at least?”

“oh, yeah,” he waved a hand at them. “i got those done ages ago. it’s just writing the damn thing up.” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. he froze for a second, turning to look directly at them again. “i saw that care package, by the way.” kuroo’s eyes were much softer than usual. fond, even.

right, the care package. it was just a little something they’d put together for kenma; he had a particularly rough few weeks ahead, with awkwardly scheduled exams and assignments. he hadn’t seemed to be all that stressed about it, but they’d wanted to do something. he always got so… anxious after procrastinating for so long and even more neglectful when it came to his health.

“oh, that,” they waved a hand at kuroo, suddenly very self-conscious of how their legs were entangled. “i didn’t really expect him to use it, but…” they tilted their head to the side. “i hoped it’d remind him to take care of himself a little.” 

a gentle smile crossed kuroo’s face as he gazed at them. suddenly, they didn’t know where to look. 

“thank you for looking out for him.” 

the words left kuroo’s mouth before he’d really thought about them. but he meant it. he really did. 

they shook their head. “i haven’t really done anything worth thanking.”

“you know he hasn’t actively made a friend since middle school?” kuroo said, turning to look at them. 

they turned to him with wide eyes. 

“there were the guys on the team, of course, but…” he sighed. “i think that was more propinquity than anything else. can’t see him ending up friends with them otherwise.” he ran one hand through his hair. “well, there is that kid hinata, but other than that…”

“sounds like he’s made a few friends since middle school,” they smiled. 

kuroo chuckled. “well…” he bit the inside of his cheek. should he be having this conversation? was it wise? 

fuck it. 

“i just… i get worried about him,” he said, the words slurring together ever so slightly. 

“because he’s so reclusive?”

kuroo nodded. “i just… i want him to be okay, and i don’t want him to end up isolating himself, but…”

he couldn’t grasp the words. fuck, he hadn’t even drunk anything tonight. 

“he tends to hide himself away?” 

“exactly,” kuroo nodded. “i’m surprised he decided to come to uni, honestly. even if he wasn’t really academic at school or anything like that…” he sighed. “he still does really well, despite leaving everything to the last minute, but…”

“it’s not healthy,” they said. 

“yeah,” kuroo smiled, running a hand through his hair. “you get it. you always do.” he was looking at them again. 

he really was handsome. tall, broad, with a certain devil-may-care vibe that made it all look so effortless. it was a weird thing to think, but they enjoyed looking at him. not quite as much as they enjoyed spending time with him, though. 

oh. shit. 

it was like he was coming into clarity for the first time. this guy, who loved kenma so much, who looked after him and treated him with the respect he deserved. the same guy who just seemed to get them, to understand them so well even when their words were clumsy – and who genuinely listened whenever they rambled about whatever was on their mind. this guy who was such a nerd, and yet also some of the best company they’d had in a long while. 

they knew he was attractive the day they’d first met – hell, all they had to do was look at him to work that one out – but that’d just been physical. they’d never expected to actually catch feelings for him. 

and all that weird buzzing in their stomach made sense. all the nervousness, all the tension. 

shit. shit, shit, shit. 

“what’s wrong?” kuroo asked, raising an eyebrow at them. 

“hm?” they blinked. 

“you’re staring.”

“oh,” they swallowed, shamefully aware of the blush creeping across their cheeks. “nothing’s wrong, i was just… thinking.”

“about?”

“kenma,” they lied. 

“right,” he cleared his throat, breaking eye contact. 

they sighed, bringing their knees up to their chest. no point in denying it to themselves anymore – they had feelings for a certain kuroo tetsurou. 

“i’m tired,” they said, before really thinking about it. it wasn’t a total lie – it’d be a long week, after all – but they knew they’d said it more as an excuse to get away from him. part of them felt bad about it. 

but the other part of them knew that if they stayed here much longer, they might say something they’d regret. 

–—

kuroo shut his bedroom door with just a tad too much force. 

fuck. fuck. 

this entire time, he’d been teasing kenma about having a thing for them, but… 

fuck. 

he was a fucking idiot. 

of course he had feelings for them. there was no other way to explain any of it; how he looked forward to their visits just a bit too much, how making them laugh made his stomach feel a little funny, how they were the first person he wanted to talk to about the things that’d happened in his life…

and he’d had feelings for them for quite a while now. 

he’d wrote it all off for some stupid reason. something about being happy about getting along so well with kenma’s close friend. or simply the joy of being understood so well. 

but seeing them look at him like that, with such tenderness in their eyes… 

fuck, he’d thought about kissing them. 

and he couldn’t get that thought out of his head. 

was that out of line? was he betraying their friendship somehow, by thinking about them like this? 

he cared about them. a lot. regardless of these… romantic feelings. but would that get muddied? 

and what about kenma? what would happen if things didn’t quite work out? 

no, he was thinking too far ahead. he didn’t even know if they were interested in him. were they? a warm, fuzzy swelling burst in his chest at the thought. huh. he really was whipped, wasn’t he?

kuroo groaned, rubbing his eyes. it’d been a while since he’d worked himself up over something like this. he was getting carried away. 

this wasn’t going to go away overnight. nor would it be easy to ignore. no, it’d been spreading its roots for a long while now. 

he had faith that he’d be able to act normally around them, at the very least. but maybe it was wise to set some distance between the two of them, just for a while. 

–—

“you should just ask them out, you know.”

kuroo’s phone tumbled out of his hand. “what?”

kenma looked at him out the corner of his eye. “you know what i’m talking about.”

oh. kuroo tried to swallow the dryness in his throat. had he been that obvious? 

“you’re like a puppy. it’s weird.” 

kuroo stared at kenma for a long while. what on earth was he supposed to say to that? 

“i don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“they can tell you’ve been ignoring them, you know,” kenma said quietly. “they’re getting sad about it.”

an icy shock jolted through kuroo’s chest. shit, so they had noticed. he’d hoped that the chaos of the past few weeks would give him a good enough excuse to draw back without being too obvious about it. 

of course they’d notice. why was he being so stupid about all this? 

“i…” nope, nothing was coming. 

“if you’re worried about me, you shouldn’t be,” kenma continued, monotone as ever. “if you date and break up i’ll just hang out with them at their place.” 

“wow,” kuroo scoffed. “preparing for the end of the relationship before it’s even begun? you wound me, kenma.”

“so it’s going to happen then?” kenma said, not missing a beat.

kuroo narrowed his eyes at him. “do you want it to happen?”

kenma shrugged. “it’s got nothing to do with me. and maybe it’ll stop you being so lame.” 

that was the second time that afternoon that kenma had struck him dumb. 

kuroo sighed, running a hand through his hair. he was going to have to say something, wasn’t he? otherwise he was going to regret it.

[welllpthisishappening]

Hello there, I see you're back on blue-line drabbles! I love them, I am obsessed with this universe. I don't know if I ever came back to say hi after I read all your big fics, but somehow I liked each even better than the last! I don't know how that's possible! But anyway, I think one of the best signs of a good writer/good story is when you're not ready to leave the world once you've finished, and Blue Line is one of the few fanfics I've read where even well after I've finished it, (cont)

(cont) I want to keep living in it and I end up writing my own fic of it in my head (strange, I know). Anyway, for whatever reason, I got really invested in Roland and Lizzie's relationship. Like, how did they end up dating after knowing each other for literally Lizzie's entire life? How did the adults react? Do you have any Lizzie/Roland stories up your sleeve? They would not go unread :)

————

Hello, yes, listen, this ask has lived rent free™ in my head since I first got it and I cannot properly convey how absolutely, goddamn wonderful it is. I am a broken record of outdated references , but it continues and will always amaze me that people are not only interested in Blue Line (more than three years!!! after I originally started posting) but are also interested in other characters in the story who are, for all intents and purposes, original characters at this point. Like the overall size my heart becomes when reading something like that could potentially cause a serious medical condition.

But, like, in a nice way.

So thank you, thank you, thank you. It genuinely warms the cockles of my entire soul. And, like, if you wanna share those fic ideas of the fic, you’ll never hear me say no. Just like I will never turn down the opportunity to write more stuff. Which is what’s under the cut. This stuff includes:

Roland and Lizzie’s first kiss, what I hope is some legitimate banter, more kissing, obvious flirting, and Roland being something of a sap.

Also, uh, it’s entirely possible that I have also already written: Roland and Lizzie’s first “I love you,” their wedding and some other stuff where their kid is involved. Seriously, guys, I am always down to write other relationships in this ‘verse.

————

It was, she figured, something almost passably close to, sort of resembling, definitely inching somewhere nearer to—

Assured. 

Unavoidable. 

Inexorable

Inevitable. 

That was a bad word. That last word. The third one was pretty impressive, honestly. Vocabulary, wise. She’d have to remember that one later. The last one, though. Made teeth Lizzie wasn’t even aware she possessed ache as she ground them together, a pronounced tension in her jaw that was likely affecting her shoulders as well. That word. An awful word. Boasted less-than-positive connotations, letters practically dripping with lack of self-control and overtly aggressive infatuation, but if the world expected her not to be a little in love with Roland Locksley by the time she turned fourteen and noticed that slight indentation in his right cheek every time he smiled, well, then the world had another thing coming. 

Dimple, that was the appropriate description. Another word. More words. Too many words. All of them bouncing off the slope of her skull and scratching at the back of her brain, nearly distracting her from what should have been the very pleasant buzz lingering beneath whatever biological thing made up her top and bottom lips. 

Which were parted in an emotion very similar to overwhelming surprise. 

That was stupid. 

The whole thing was stupid. God, maybe she was stupid. No, that wasn’t true. She’d made Dean’s List last semester. Stupid was—

A stupid word, really. Despite the blush rising in her cheeks and the wide eyes practically boring into her soul, bated breath that didn’t make any noise because that was what bated entailed, and no one else glanced in their direction. Not once. No one else noticed. 

That the whole world had flipped upside down.

Or right-side-up, maybe. Depending on how the next five minutes or so went. 

Because the last two minutes and twelve seconds, give or take, had seen Roland Locksley tilt his head and let his eyes flutter closed before his mouth found hers for the very first time — at midnight for God’s sake. On New Year’s Eve. Or New Year’s Day, she supposed. His parents were standing on the other side of the room.

Suggesting that Lizzie had ever been just a little in love with Roland was a rather monumental lie. 

As far as those things went. 

“So, uh—” she started, only to find blood in her mouth. From her teeth. Wayward and unpredictable, as they were. Biting down on the side of her tongue and Lizzie hated going to the dentist. Doing irreparable damage to her teeth on what was now legitimately New Year’s Day, in the middle of an annual party, was not on her schedule. 

Metaphorical as it might have been. 

She liked schedules. Had plans. Focus, even. People always said that about her — how focused she was, liked to throw around the word drive with startling regularity, as if they were amazed she wasn’t simply willing to rest on her laurels or the pair of last names she proudly toted around with her. As if Lizzie expected doors to swing open on a glance. 

Rather than consistently preparing herself to knock them down. 

She liked the challenge of it all. Appreciated the way disbelief always spiked something in her blood, and that was likely equal parts genetic predisposition and a product of her childhood, but right now, Lizzie was simply prepared to fight for the schedule she’d never allowed herself to mention to anyone else before and it wasn’t like they weren’t friends. 

Talked outside the group chat, even. 

That meant something. Definitely meant something. Had to mean something. Her lips felt like they’d been doused in liquid nitrogen. 

She didn’t know all the scientific properties of liquid nitrogen, but it always made that rather impressive cloud of steam-type stuff on cooking shows. So, it seemed very likely that it did something similar to cause whatever was happening in the region directly surrounding her mouth. Buzzing and tingling, and whatnot. 

When had Roland last blinked? Lizzie couldn’t remember. That would have been impressive in any other situation. Right now, it was sort, kind of, totally— Pissing her off. 

Color dotted his cheeks, no sign of the goddamn dimple because he wasn’t smiling, presumably couldn’t do that when it was clear he was so intent on pulling his lips into his mouth, and that felt a little insulting. Her tongue had just been in that mouth. 

Lizzie was fairly confident in the abilities of her tongue, so she wasn’t all that pleased to be replaced by a pair of lips that could have been doing much better work against the side of her neck. 

“If you sit here right now and tell me that you are,” Lizzie lifted a finger, “one, sorry,” another finger, “two, anything even remotely resembling regretful,” another finger, wiggling close enough to Roland’s nose to make him just a bit cross-eyed, “or, three, too old for me, I will throw my heel at that bruise I know exists on the back of your left calf.”

His lips twitched. 

He really had impossible eyelashes. Seemingly made so he could glance up from underneath them, to meet Lizzie’s steely expression with what she refused to believe could be cautious hope. Passable optimism, maybe. She’d have to look up what liquid nitrogen did, later. 

“I’m standing.” “I hate you.”

“You wanna go in order, or how do you want to work this?” “Where else are you bruised?” Roland laughed softly, a shift of his shoulders and tiny burst of air between barely parted lips. Feeling that tiny burst meant they were standing very close to each other. How they were standing remained another mystery. 

One of those great ones, Lizzie figured. The kind referenced when people talked about the sweeping potential of life and love and— Ah, fuck. 

“Please don’t threaten to attack me anywhere else,” he muttered, before quickly adding, “you gotta know this was not my end game, Liza.” Narrowing her eyes did nothing to temper the…tempest. Swirling in her gut. Threatening the back of her throat. Eating away at vocal cords and vocal boxes and the structural integrity of her entire goddamn larynx. Possibly her tongue, too, just to be especially efficient. 

“Really? Might’a been mine, actually.”

She’d always liked his eyes. 

How they could widen, and it wasn’t like...a normal brown. Nothing about the way he looked was ever dull. Drifted toward regularly excited, and the sparkles were probably a figment of her over-active teenage imagination, but Lizzie liked to think sometimes the sparkle came from her. Because of her, even. When she’d call because he always wanted to hear about her latest lecture and he’d call because sometimes Western swings were exhausting and loneliness-inducing and—

She knew. 

He knew. 

They knew each other.   

Grand scheme, the sparkle-prone eyes still weren’t particularly close to the dimple. On the list of things Lizzie liked. What left butterflies fluttering in her stomach and her heart hammering against her chest. Sparkle was probably a solid fourth. Behind the precise way his curls fell toward his eyebrows when he didn’t have time to get his hair cut. Which rarely happened during the season. Right now, it was happening right now. Well-defined strands that Lizzie knew felt even smoother than she’d ever theorized between her fingers, and she wasn’t sure what she was going to do with that information. 

Obsess over it, probably. 

For at least the next week, or so. 

Still. Eyes. Eyelashes. Too long and too bright, and that was the wrong description order and she was starting to teeter. On the edge of a rather dramatic free-fall. Into feelings and possibility, and this was way too dramatic. For both of them. 

“Don’t do that,” she mumbled, a scrunch of her nose that apparently demanded his thumb. Brushing against the bridge, and there wasn’t any caution there. No obvious fear or concern. For the way it left Lizzie’s lungs pinched, and there must have been a limit. 

To everything her internal organs could cope with in a limited span of time. 

“What was the last one on the list?” She swallowed. “Too old.” “Yuh-huh.” “Pretty flimsy as far as excuses go. You realize I’m not asking you to marry me right now, right?” He choked. On what, she wasn’t entirely sure. Only that it made her stomach heave and her teeth dig into her lower lip, and that was— “Because I know I said, end game,” Lizzie continued, giving in to the need to fill empty space with the sound of her own voice, “but that sounds like several pop culture references all at once, and you know how much I—”

“Hate to come across as disingenuous.” “Mattie’s the pop culture reference machine, anyway.” “Please don’t talk about Matt when I keep thinking about how much I want to kiss you again.” Her eyes, that time. Widened. Bugged. Did something unnatural. “Yeah?” “You’re kidding me, right?” “You’re not an old man.” Rolling his eyes, Roland’s tongue dragged across the front of his teeth. To torture her, apparently. “I was in college when you were a freshman in high school.” “Yuh-huh.” “Liza.” “Nah, nah,” Lizzie shook her head. Crossed her arms. Tried to stand up to her full height, but even the heels didn’t do much to add to the overall intimidation factor. Roland was doing an awful job of fighting off his smile. “Pulling out ancient nicknames is not—” “—It’s not a nickname; it’s literally letters in your name.” “Nick,” she leaned forward, “name. All personal-like.”

Making mistakes was not something she enjoyed very much. It was that Jones competitive streak. Plus, the Vankald stubborn streak. Created a monster of determination, who knew what she wanted, and feeling Roland’s fingers graze her cheek as a strand of hair hung limply in the minimal space between them was the result of Lizzie’s mistaken movement. 

Even as much as she might have wanted it. 

Goosebumps prickled her arms. Stole whatever oxygen she’d managed to get in the last forty-six seconds, or so. Her eyes fluttered. Head tilted. Towards the touch and the warmth, and for someone who spent so much time on the ice, he really was impossibly warm. 

“This is your fault.”

He didn’t move his fingers. Cupped her cheek, instead. “You were doing that eyebrow thing.” “Expand on that for me.” “Lifting ‘em. Happens sometimes. When you’re listening intently. Like you’re a little amazed by new information. They’re these stupid little arches on your face. Drives me nuts.” “The compliment was in there somewhere, I’m sure of it.” “I am so much older than you, Liza.” “Shouldn’t’a played out a bunch of teenage daydreams at once, then.” She was legitimately worried about the state of his tongue. Barely biting back her laugh, Lizzie let her eyes lift. To find Roland gaping at her, drooped shoulders and puppy-dog eyes. And that goddamn dimple. “C’mon, this isn’t...do you think I haven’t made out with people before?” “Wouldn’t classify what we just did as a makeout.” “No?” His eyes darkened. Shivering was probably not a good move, right? Right. Definitely. She wasn’t shivering. It was just...January. And inside. With dozens of people around them. “I would not, no,” Roland said, and the drop in overall volume was some sort of trick. Or, something. 

“How many people do you think you’ve made out with? Ballpark it for me.” “No.” “Is the issue a lack of appropriate numbers to tally that mark, or—” She bit her tongue, again. At the flash of amused frustration sweeping his face and polluting the molecules of whatever air was hovering between them. Permeating was a better word. Lizzie really needed to work on all of that. Words. Being slightly less jealous of potential make outs that didn’t have anything to do with her and definitely happened because there had to be other people out there in the world who simply could not cope with the existence of that dimple. 

“How many people have you made out with, then?” “Scores,” Lizzie snarled, only to get immediately scoffed at. “I’m really, incredibly popular.” “Oh, I’ve got no doubt.” “Boatloads of guys. Lining up to,” she pointed an imperious finger at her mouth, “make out with this.” “Your well-defined chin?” “I’m going to take my shoe off.” “Draw attention with a move like that.” Whatever fight she had didn’t immediately die. It just, sort of, fell. At her feet, threatening all the bones there and there were too many. All of them far too fragile. For whatever metaphor she was running with at the moment. “And we’re not trying to do that, huh? Draw attention.” “Shouldn’t you be out sowing wild oats?” “Really know how to charm a girl,” she grumbled, and that got her a smile. No scoff. Not even the hint of a smile. The whiplash was hurting her neck. “Trust me, the oats have appropriately sowed. If I was ever particularly inclined to farm work.” “I’m starting to be vaguely embarrassed by all of this.” “Good.” Wasn’t quite a scoff. Was more like a half-hearted laugh, and a tinge of desire and that was better than the other emotions, but the decreasing level of Roland’s eyebrows gave her pause. “What about the status of your oats?”

“Well sowed, rookie season,” Roland said. 

“You’re going to change the name on your jersey.” “Not sure that particular fact has a lot to do with anything else. Seven years, Liza.” “I’m perfectly capable of doing math, you know I took that stats class once.” “Because I double checked everything you turned in.” “Makes you slightly less of an idiot than the vibe you're giving off right now.” “A freeway or compliments.” Pulling in a deep inhale through her nose, Lizzie didn’t miss the way Roland’s gaze fell. To the neckline of her dress, lingering on the jut of her collarbones for a few seconds longer than a strictly platonic friendship should allow, and they were friends. Still. She knew that as well as she knew that he believed she thought he was simply being clever with nicknames. 

And not making vaguely incorrect My Fair Lady references. 

Because he’d always been a little annoyed that Eliza had gone back to Henry Higgins. Instead of Freddie.

It was really impossible not to be a little in love with him at all times. 

“You’re really going to hyphenate?” Roland nodded. “Think of all the new jerseys they’ll sell.” “By the box-load, and Gina’s gonna buy the entire stock. She’s—that’s really nice, you know.” “Just a fact. Little late, but—” He shrugged. Lizzie’s smile threatened to split her face. In that same nice way, she’d been talking about. Her lips were still buzzing. She might have been buzzing. With adrenaline. Happiness. The near-desperate desire to find some type of closet and get her fingers back in Roland’s questionably long hair. 

“Of naming conventions.” She couldn’t begin to guess what the record was for shoulder shifts in an emotionally charged conversation between two people who were simultaneously ignoring the point of the conversation, but Lizzie also knew her eyebrows had been halfway up her face as he’d detailed the reasons for making his jersey say Mills-Locksley. From here on out. 

Maybe that was the top of the list, actually. 

He was a good guy. 

Had always been a good guy. The best guy, really. 

Falling into that chasm wasn’t nearly as terrifying as Lizzie expected it to be. 

“Why’d you do it?” Roland’s lips disappeared. His tongue moved, again. She was staring at the area around his tongue. So, like, his mouth. Directly at his mouth. “Because, I uh—have wanted to?” “Oh, don’t phrase that like a question.” “Wanted to,” he repeated, a statement of fact with a certain amount of conviction. Enough to make Lizzie’s pulse sputter. “Which is kind of freaking me out.” “Come back with more compliments.” “Your dress nearly made me fall over.” “Better, actually,” she laughed. 

He ran his fingers through his hair. “Made sense at the time.” “Be more specific.” “Kissing you,” Roland said, enough emphasis that he leaned forward half an inch as well. It was a miracle their noses didn’t collide. Not the most impressive miracle, but—counted. “If I tell you that you might be my best friend does that make the lamest professional hockey player alive?” “Yes, absolutely.” “Matt might challenge you to a duel if he hears me talking like this, you know.” “God, Locksley, didn’t we just talk about the Mattie rules? Also, that made it sound like Mattie wants to kiss you too, so...”

He chuckled. Fingers still tugging on the back of his hair, like he was trying to ground himself in the pull and the self-inflicted tension, Roland looked up. Back at her. And Lizzie didn’t flinch. Didn’t blink. Held her position and prepared herself to defend the schedule she’d only ever allowed herself to hope for in the silence of that one corner in her brain. 

Filled, as it was, with memories. Of conversations that didn’t have anything to do with hockey. Others that did. Arguing over blue line placement in the brownstone and college rankings. Of movies watched on two different laptops in different corners of the country, bad jokes, and consistent updates, that deep-rooted understanding that came from a life full of expectations and the exact opposite. No overt pressure, but the need to prove yourself anyway, if only because of the name on the back of the jersey, and Lizzie was going to have to buy a new jersey. 

“You like me? Yes, or no?” Roland smiled. Wide and honest, the kind that ensured the dimple was on prominent display. “Yes.” “I am a grown adult? Yes, or no?” Crinkles appeared around his eyes. From the smile. 

“Yes.” “Meaning I get to make my own choices. Romantically, or otherwise. Yes, or no?” “Obviously.” “Wasn’t one of the options.” “Yes,” Roland corrected, fingers trailing over the bend of her elbow. Lizzie hadn’t uncrossed her arms. Or remembered when she’d crossed them in the first place. 

“Ok, good. Same page, then.” “Liza.” “Locksley.” Lifting her eyebrows wasn’t a challenge, per se. Was closer to instinct, really. Specifics didn’t matter, honestly. She did that thing with her eyebrows, and he did that thing with his mouth, the same one she was staring at and hoping would move closer to her, and then—

Well, it did. 

Hands found Lizzie’s hips, pulling her forward sharply enough that she let out a soft grunt. From the feel of hips bumping against hers, and she honestly wasn’t sure who hissed in their next inhale, only that it did something to the flutter-like state of her pulse and the erratic nature of her heart, and it was slow and fast and good and great and not a single person noticed. 

Miracles were arriving en masse, apparently. 

Pushing her fingers into Roland’s hair got Lizzie another hum of approval, the first brush of his tongue making her lips part and her head fall to the side, but then his hand was wrapped around the back of her neck, and she could not be expected to pay attention to anything except the semi-consistent swipe of his thumb against her skin. It left more goosebumps. Caused another chuckle, the kind that rumbled through her and resonated around her, a tiny bubble of that same cautious optimism from before. 

Like a spark. 

Fanning flames and threatening to burn everything because if this didn’t work, then Lizzie wasn’t sure what would, and that was scary and overwhelming and terrifying was a synonym, but she really was working with very limited word-based resources when Roland’s thumb kept moving. Tracing her. Committing the feel to memory, and she wasn’t sure when they’d established the rocking pattern they were moving in, but something deep in the center of her trusted it. 

Someone who regularly strapped knives to his feet and raced around at top speed knew how to stay balanced. And she was a stubborn idiot. Who got what she wanted. 

“Is part of liking me because I told you I didn’t think it was embarrassing that you still got a little emotional about Miracle on 34th Street?” Laughter pushed past her lips. Took root in the pit of her stomach and the spaces between her ribs. Laced through her heart. In the kind of way that cemented itself. Right in the middle of Lizzie. Right in the middle of this. Them. 

There was a them, now. 

“Was definitely a factor, yeah,” Roland said, not bothering to pull away. “You, uh—you snuck up on me a little, Liza.” “Peak romance.” “Want me to talk about your dress some more?” She shook her head. “Unnecessary. And you didn’t.” “That might be part of the problem.” “Nursing old crushes, you mean?” Her hair hit her cheek. And his hand. He couldn’t seem to let go of her. “Nah, this wasn’t like...there was no torch, not really. I—I wasn’t hanging posters of you on my wall if that’s the picture you’ve painted for yourself.” “Kinda disappointing, admittedly.” “Pick a lane, babe.” No sparkle, that time. Just flash and want and the very thin line Lizzie’s lips had become. “Be more specific,” Roland repeated softly. “You’re not standing on a pedestal. Just you, Rol, as is.” He waited. That was fair. There should have been more. Should have been a detailed list of all the reasons the grown-up version of her liked so many parts of the grown-up version of him, but that all felt a little extraneous when she was still thinking about closet-type possibilities and that stubborn streak was a mile wide, anyway. 

Roland nodded once. “Good.”

Both of them jumped. At the pop of another champagne bottle and Lizzie never understood how Regina managed to order so much champagne every year, but she felt a bit like she was floating on the bubbles, and they didn’t decide. Explicitly. To keep the whole thing—

Secret. 

Another bad word. With bad connotations and shadows that clung to the definition, but this was them and only them and, for right now, that was enough. And if no one noticed the way Roland’s hand drifted over the small of Lizzie’s back during David’s speech, then that was a miracle she was willing to accept. 

[readyplayerhobi]

Sleigh Bells Ring

; (Not so)Single Dad!Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff

; Word Count: 10.2k

; Synopsis: This Christmas is going to be different than usual; it’s you first spent with Hoseok and his daughters while living with them. You’re not sure who’s more excited though, you or Hoseok.

; A/N: Revisting our favourite dad and his family on Christmas! :D please reblog if you enjoyed and send me comments and questions! :D

; Sequel to Silver Bells and Cockle Shells

; Part of the 12 Days of Bangtan Collab

-

“You’ve got all the presents right? And the cookies? I definitely packed them in that bag for you. The presents are there aren’t they?” The insistent nattering of your mom makes your eyes roll exasperatedly, looking at her with love and affection alongside just a hint of annoyance.

She means well and you try to tell yourself that repeatedly. This is the first Christmas that you’ll be spending not at your parent’s house for the day. It sounds a little lame when you say that, considering your age, but you’d never been in a committed relationship where you’d been living with someone else to spend Christmas with them instead of your own family.

Until this year.

This year marked your third Christmas with Hoseok, but it was your first Christmas living with him. You’d only made the transition into not only his heart and his bed, but his home, a few months ago. Both of you had moved slowly, letting his daughters get used to the idea of you being around more frequently until the prospect of you living full time with them wasn’t strange.

For both them and you.

Hoseok had been painfully aware that he needed to move slowly and carefully with his daughters and you’d been completely amenable to it, recognising that his three little girls were his entire world. But he’d also been careful to make you aware that his small world had expanded to include you.

And that meant he knew that he couldn’t simply expect you to just be perfectly fine with gaining a purpose built family. Accepting him meant accepting his kids, and he had never expect you to be a mother to them but it had been inevitable that they slowly looked to you for things that a mother would be the most likely to give them.

Such as when you’d given Soo-ah plenty of advice when she’d shyly come to you one morning a few months ago, her cheeks flushed red with embarrassment while stress made her eyes big. It had been so early that Hoseok and you had still been fast asleep in bed, his eldest daughter quietly shaking you awake and hoping not to wake her father.

That hadn’t worked, of course. Hoseok was a dad, and he’d been a solo father for so long that he was automatically attuned to his kids needs which meant he’d startled awake faster than you. But she’d insistently tugged you out of his arms, a frown on her face as she’d steadfastly ignored his concerned gaze.

You knew that it had hurt him that she hadn’t felt that she could come to him, especially when you’d told him later that the reason she’d come to you had been because she’d started her first period. While he knew logically that she’d probably be more comfortable talking to you, as a woman, you’d still had to soothe his hurt parental feelings.

Still, you knew that he appreciated the fact that you were there for those more awkward talks. Though he had been adamant at making it clear to all his girls that he was not going to be a squeamish and awkward dad with them. No, he was very much ready to talk to them about whatever they wanted.

It had pleased you both though to know that Soo-ah was finally comfortable enough with you to discuss personal matters such as that. She’d struggled more than the twins at accepting you in her father’s, and therefore her life. But she was getting there and she’d been trying.

“Yes mom, they’re all in my bag. The presents, and the food. And the books. And everything else you’ve snuck in there. Probably the cat if you’ve tried.” You muse, glancing down at your phone as you respond to a text from your best friend with an amused smile.

Your mom just lets out a snort, causing you to look up and watch as she flops down onto the couch in an exaggerated manner that makes her look far younger than she actually. A glance at your dad lets you see that he’s not even phased, his gaze focused firmly on the 4K television he’d managed to coax your mom to buy a few months ago, a Playstation controller in his hand while he plays his game.

“You don’t have to act so rude. I’m just being nice and caring.” Sighing deeply, you sense that you’ve affronted her deeply held maternal instincts and so you place your phone down, giving her a sweet smile.

“Thank you mom. They will all appreciate the food. You know that Hoseok loves your cookies and the girl’s adore your cupcakes. And they will all love their presents, even though Hoseok said not to get them too much.” That was probably the wrong thing to say.

She’d looked pleased at hearing their love for her baking, and you wouldn’t fault her there because you also enjoyed eating her baked delights, but then your words about the presents filtered in and she scowled deeply. Internally, you winced because you knew that she was going to get mad now.

“What do you mean?! I haven’t got them too much, I’ve got just enough. There’s two presents for Hoseok and three each for the girls.” You can’t stop the smile that spreads as you listen to her, watching as she counts on her fingers while also explaining what she’d bought.

Your mom had been wary at first when you’d told her about Hoseok. She’d been delighted to find out that you’d found someone you really liked, especially when he treated you so well and made you much happier than you had been beforehand. She’d liked him even more when you’d finally shown her pictures of him, her eyes widening as she took in how handsome he was and the beautiful profile he was blessed with.

And then she’d found out that he was a widower and had three daughters. Not only that, but three daughters all over the age of five. That had thrown her a bit and you knew that she wasn’t sure what to expect. 

Which had been entirely understandable. One child might have been surprising but not too much, two would have been a little more brow raising but three? That was a ready made family that you were walking into and she’d seen the potential fallout that could occur long before you’d properly thought about it.

As strange as it was for you to accept that you had entered into a relationship where you had become a pseudo-mom for three young girls, it was even stranger for your parents who had suddenly gone from no grandchildren to technically three. Even though you repeatedly told them that the girls were not their grandchildren.

But when did semantics ever matter to grandparents? They’d thrown themselves into it once they’d realised that Hoseok and you were serious, badgering you to introduce him and then his girls. Hoseok had been very hesitant and unsure, not wanting to make his previous wife’s parents feel uncomfortable at the idea of their grandchildren gaining ‘new’ grandparents.

So after permission from them, he’d finally brought them to your parents house for dinner. It had been his first time meeting them, which he’d handled like a trooper given the circumstances. And yet it had been almost instant love for your dad and the twins. 

They’d latched onto each other instantly, enjoying his loud laugh and playing games together until Hoseok was apologising for the loudness of his progeny. But your dad hadn’t cared. In fact, he’d looked happier and more alive than you’d seen him in recent years.

And Soo-ah? Well, she’d surprisingly latched onto your mom pretty well. As said before, your mom was phenomenal at baking and often sold her stuff to friends or for small catering events. Soo-ah had discovered a love of baking through her, enjoying spending all her time in the kitchen as they baked delicious food.

You supposed it was your mom’s kind and loving nature. She had worked for a long time as a support worker, caring specifically for a group of girls with severe disabilities and ensuring that they got to enjoy their life to the fullest. It had been the perfect job for her, suiting her nurturing personality and she’d done amazing at it, but ill health had forced her to retire a little earlier than she would have liked to.

With Soo-ah, she’d inadvertently found someone to nurture who hadn’t even realised they’d wanted or needed it. You’d felt bad that Soo-ah seemed to like your mom better than her own, blood grandparents but Hoseok had waved off your concerns with a smile.

In his eyes, they would be just as much her grandparents if your relationship kept going well as her real grandparents. Besides, it had endeared her to you a lot quicker now that she always wanted to visit your mom.

“Did you leave any for me?” You tease lightly, smiling as she pauses and gives you an imperious look. It’s a look that she’s given you many times throughout your life and it causes you to chuckle, knowing that of course there are presents for you. As an only child, you would fully admit to being spoiled by your parents throughout your life. 

It wasn’t something you’d ever asked for, but they’d done it either way. And you knew that they revelled in the concept of having more people to dote affection on. Particularly given how much they liked Hoseok. You were pretty positive that they’d begun saving for a wedding months ago, even though there had been zero hint of that from either Hoseok or you.

“There’s some for you...yes. Hopefully you’ll like them.” Your dad finally deigns to say, glancing over at you with a small smile before he’s looking back at the television screen. Chuckling lightly, you nod and stand up, stretching with a small grunt.

“I’m sure I will. Remember, yours are under the tree,” You pause slightly, warmth rushing through your chest as you look over at the small pile of presents for each of your parents. “There’s one each from the girls and then...ones from Hoseok and I.”

It leaves you a little breathless to say that and you feel silly, looking down at your hands. Last year, Hoseok had brought the presents for your parents separately and it had simply been one present from all four of them. But this year, he’d gone with you to buy them and had picked out the presents from his daughters.

Your heart fluttered slightly, knowing that the presents from you now bore gift tags that said ‘To Mom, love Y/N and Hoseok’. It had strangely made everything seem much more real, as you’d never had a relationship serious enough to warrant dual signed presents. He’d written the tags to his own parents presents as from both of you as well, leading to a little anxiety from you that they wouldn’t be fond of that.

They hadn’t said anything when he’d dropped them off though, just gave you both a hug and him an extra kiss on the cheek while thanking you and handing off their own presents. It had been with excitement that you’d seen presents labelled to you in them, leading you to silently believe that they approved of you.

Things like that were probably normal in most relationships, but everything seemed to be done different for Hoseok and you. After all, he had three daughters over the age of four when you first started dating. The rules were a little different in situations like that.

“Okay, I’m gonna head off. Anything else you desperately need to do?” You ask teasingly, grinning at your mom’s outraged expression before she shrugged lightly.

“Maybe I’ve got one more present for Hoseokie.” Her endearing nickname for him was cute and you try to hide your smile, knowing that she only calls him that when he’s not there. If she thought he didn’t know though, he was very wrong. She’d called him it once on a call to you only it had been on speakerphone while you did something else, leading to him overhearing her nickname.

He liked it though.

“Mom! Seriously?” You whine at her quietly, standing and heading out to the hall. The bag that she’d put all the presents into is waiting for you beside your boots which you pull on before slipping your arms through your black winter coat. A scarf is being wrapped around your head before she appears again with a smile and a small box in her hand.

“Hush. He deserves to be doted on after all he’s gone through. It’s nothing big.” Staring at her in suspicion, you look down at the plain box with a wary eye. It’s got no wrapping on it so you presume it’s something she bought rather late.

“Is this something he can open in front of the kids?” She gets an affronted look before snorting a laugh, something that sounds incredibly similar to what you do. Hoseok had noted that you seemed to favour your mom a lot in terms of mannerisms.

“Y/N! Seriously! It’s not a cock ring. It’s...it’s a photo frame. I’m not sure he’ll like it but I hope he does.” Pursing your lips, you look down at the box with an undeniable inquisitiveness and your mom tuts in gentle admonishment, taking it from your hands and opening it.

It’s one of those frames that let you put multiple pictures in and each one has been lovingly filled by her. There’s a photo of the girls, then one of Hoseok and the girls together, then one of you and them together. And finally, a photo of just Hoseok and you, arms wrapped around each other with silly grins on your faces.

You find yourself smiling softly before you hesitate, letting your fingers run down the side. “Mom...there’s no Yoo-jin picture. Maybe we should swap the one of me and-”

The cover is placed back on the box and she puts it into the bag at your feet before looking at you with a sad smile. Her hands come up to fuss with your scarf and you feel like a child all over again.

“Sweetheart, Yoo-jin still lives in that house and I’m glad she does. She is the mother of those beautiful girls and she shouldn’t be forgotten. But it makes me sad when I go there and I see more of her than you. You live there now. I’m not saying that I want her photos gone, I don’t. I just want to see more of you in there. If it offends Hoseok then he doesn’t have to put them anywhere, but I’d like to think that he’d be amenable to it.” 

“Mom…”

“I’m not saying to erase Yoo-jin, she has a firm place and she should never be removed from that place. But it’s your home now too. You live there, you care for those girls, you love those girls and you love that man.” You can’t find it in yourself to say anything to her so you simply nod, hoping to find a way to explain it to Hoseok.

There were photos of you in the house, but they were still minimal compared to those of Hoseok, the girls and Yoo-jin. You’d been okay with that, knowing that you were the imposter in that perfect little family. But your mom had hit a hidden nerve, the worry that you wouldn’t be allowed to grow in the space he’d invited you into.

Shaking your head, you smile brightly at her before giving her a tight hug.

“Thank you mom. I’ll call you tomorrow. Until then...Merry Christmas!” 

-

Later that evening, you’re sat on the couch and watching as the twins shout at each other while playing on their Nintendo Switch. Hoseok had bought them it for their birthday and you weren’t entirely sure buying twins a single present was a good idea, but he’d pointed out that if he bought only one of them it then he’d have to buy the other and he didn’t want to spend that much.

Which was reasonable, and it also meant that they had to take care of it because Hoseok had threatened that if it got broken, it was staying broken. So they treated it like a prized toy, having advanced from their superhero love to loving video games. You weren’t sure how Hoseok was managing to raise two girls who adored all things nerdy, because he wasn’t exactly a geeky person himself.

Another reason they loved you so much.

But for the moment, they were absorbed in playing Mario Kart with each other and trying to beat the other. If there was one thing being with Hoseok had taught you, it was that twins were perhaps the competitive creatures on the planet. 

Soo-ah was curled up in her usual spot in the comfy armchair she’d claimed as her own when Hoseok had bought a whole new suite the other year. The old one had ended up breaking when Ji-soo had jumped on it too hard. It was the angriest you’d ever seen Hoseok.

Not that he’d let that anger be seen by the girls, but when they weren’t in ear shot he’d used an amazing array of curse words that you hadn’t thought he’d even known frankly. But he conceded that he liked the new couches better, and Soo-ah had loved having her own little space in the living room.

A book was in her lap, one of the Percy Jackson books and you smiled at her softly even though she wasn’t watching. She was going to be a teenager soon, and you could already see the way she was starting to grow taller, her limbs starting to get that gangly look teens got when their bodies weren’t quite growing at the same rate.

But you’d never deny that she was the spitting image of her mom. It was like looking at Yoo-jin, which was an odd feeling for you given that you’d never actually met the woman. You felt proud of Soo-ah though and hoped that her mom was happy with how you were helping to raise her.

Warm lips press to your temple gently and you shift, looking at your boyfriend with a gentle smile and enjoying the tender gaze he gives back, eyes shimmering in the glow of the Christmas lights wrapped around the tree. It was decorated in rose gold and gold, a request from Soo-ah who was a little obsessed with the former at the moment, but you had to admit it was pretty.

The delicate baubles and other decorations hung from the fake trees limbs prettily while glitter tinsel wrapped its way around the branches, mingled with the warm lights that flickered softly. Icicle lights of the same colour decorated the main window while a sweet Christmas scene played out along the window sill.

Above the fireplace, which was currently lit and giving off a cosy warmth, were three stockings that had been personalised with a name each. They were for the girls evidently, and Hoseok had been using the threat of Santa all month to get them to do what he wanted.

You knew he was going to hate it when he couldn’t do that anymore.

More tinsel surrounded the shelf above the fireplace, shimmering softly as tiny snowflakes nestled amongst the festive decorations while various Christmas themed figures sat atop it alongside Christmas cards from family and friends.

It was all mostly matching, but some of it was a little odd. Like the plastic reindeer in the corner of the room, taking up the space that the vase which held ornamental branches normally held. That had been Ji-eun’s purchase. She’d threatened to have a nuclear meltdown in the store, despite being seven now, and Hoseok simply hadn’t had the willpower to put up with that.

Hence Meteor, the reindeer.

The name was Ji-soo’s choice. Again, something neither you nor Hoseok had wanted to fight.

But overall, the house just felt like Christmas and it pleased you. The candles which flickered gently atop the bookcase gave off a delightful cookie scent and everything just felt...nice. Three happy and content girls, a decorated house, presents under the tree and the most wonderful man in the world sat with you on the couch, his arm wrapped around you.

Yeah, this was definitely happiness. And you were glad that Hoseok was open to letting you experience this joy with him.

“You okay?” Hoseok whispers, his voice husky from how low he has it but you get the sense that he doesn’t want to interrupt the general mood of the room. It had been a worry as to how the girls might react to you not only coming over for Christmas, which is what you’d done last year in the afternoon, but actually being there for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.

Despite how well they’d taken your presence in their lives, there were some things that they had as a routine that they didn’t like changing. Their birthday had bizarrely been one of the things that set the twins off. They had generally been amenable to you, latching onto you even but their birthday had been something that they had only ever celebrated with their daddy and grandparents.

It was made all the more awkward in that it was also the day Yoo-jin had died, meaning that Hoseok had juggled between celebrating the girls and commemorating their mom. Your appearance in their life had shifted that tradition and it had been one of the only major times that they’d thrown tantrums over you.

But everyone seemed to be okay this Christmas thankfully, and you smiled up at Hoseok.

“I’m fine. Just...gathering wool I guess,” You laugh quietly, feeling his body move against you as he lets out a breathy laugh too. “It’s exciting, spending Christmas with you and them.”

“I’m glad you think so. Part of me is a little sad that I can’t spend a Christmas with just you and give you that but then I wouldn’t trade a Christmas with the girls for anything. They make Christmas fun again.” He’s still got his voice low so they can’t hear, but the twins are making more than enough noise to cover up anything.

“Hey, don’t worry about that. It’s okay. Christmas is meant to be for family right? So...this is your family and I’m honoured to be part of it this year.” Hoseok grins at that, pursing his lips at you playfully and you roll your eyes before giving him a quick kiss.

That had been something new to get used to as well. Neither of you had really known how to introduce the concept of you both showing physical affection to each other in front of his kids so you’d just slowly worked your way up from holding hands to an occasional kiss.

Nothing too intense, neither of you felt it was appropriate to do anything more in front of them. You’d been mortified when Soo-ah had come across you both making out like teenagers and you’d been horrified when Hoseok forgot to lock the bedroom door one day and Ji-soo had woken up from a nightmare.

Thankfully, none of them particularly turned their nose up at a quick kiss and Hoseok in particular revelled in being able to show you affection. You’d discovered quickly that he was a very affectionate person when allowed, always wanting to be touching or holding you in some way. It was sweet, even if you had a suspicion that he’d likely always been affectionate but had been starved of romantic touch for so long.

“I love you.” He murmurs as he pulls away from your lips, pressing them to your forehead before looking over at the girls. “Okay, come on. I’ve got one present that Santa has given me early for you to open now and then it’s bedtime.”

The girl instantly stop their game, pausing it while Soo-ah looked up with bright eyes. She’d been told the truth about Santa two years ago but the twins still believed. And this was one of the traditions that you’d been worried about interrupting.

Hoseok squeezed your hand reassuringly though as he stood, heading over to the bookcase and pulling down four presents. He came back over to the girls and sat down on the floor with them, legs crossed as Soo-ah knelt next to him as well.

You remained on the couch, unwilling to intrude in this tradition. Hoseok had tried to get you to agree to get involved but you’d refused, deeming this to be something that only he and the girls should do.

“So, let’s look. This one...is for Ji-soo. This is Soo-ah, this is mine and that means that this is yours.” Hoseok grins at Ji-eun, handing her the prettily wrapped present. This was a tradition Hoseok had started after the twins were born and you hoped it continued on.

On Christmas Eve, he would give the girls a present each like he was doing now. Only they weren’t implied to be from him or his grandparents that Santa was delivering. Instead, these were special presents that Santa had retrieved from their mommy and delivered for them to open before Christmas.

As such, each tag wished them a happy Christmas and told them how much their mom loved them. It was the perfect way to keep her involved in their lives while also creating a sweet tradition of their own, and you’d refused to get involved with this one.

This was for them, to celebrate their mom on Christmas even if she wasn’t there.

“You go first Soo-ah.” Ji-soo says sweetly, smiling at her big sister and shuffling closer to her to see what she’s got. As with everything she does, Soo-ah opens it carefully and precisely before smiling. She obviously knows that it’s not from Santa, nor is it from her mom. But she plays along with it anyway.

Inside is a little black box and inside that is a beautiful necklace with a rose gold fox, enameled with white highlights. Soo-ah smiles brightly, lifting the delicate chain and watching as it shines prettily in the soft tree lights.

“It’s so pretty.” She whispers before placing it back down, letting her finger run over the pendant before looking at Ji-soo. Her younger sister has big, wide eyes before she looks down at her own present, tearing it open eagerly.

As she does so, Soo-ah looks at Hoseok and gives him a smile of thanks before focusing back on the mess Ji-soo is causing. Inside Ji-soo’s present is a set of Harry Potter books, something she’d been bugging Soo-ah to let her read for months now. Like her sister, Ji-soo was getting more into reading and Hoseok evidently wanted to encourage that.

“Thank you.” She said softly, smiling sweetly as she turned each book over reverently. No doubt they’d end up on the floor of the twins bedroom sooner rather than later but you had no doubt that they’d get read.

Ji-eun is already opening her present, revealing a LEGO set that at first glance doesn’t seem to be much but is in actuality, a Star Wars model. Immediately she’s squealing with excitement, about to tear into the box before Hoseok is tutting and taking it away from her.

“Tomorrow Ji-eun, I said we open the presents then we go to bed, right?” She pouts before nodding, her shoulders slumping and Ji-soo hugs her tightly.

“It’s okay! We can build it tomorrow sis.” Like magic, the words from her sister calm Ji-eun down and she’s back to being her smiling self, hugging Ji-soo back before babbling on about how cool it would be to play with. She’d already got around six other LEGO sets, enjoying the Star Wars ones because she could pretend to be in space.

Hoseok had made some good decisions with the presents and you let your foot run along his back slowly, letting him know that you approved of what he’d bought. Not that you hadn’t known, but he’d chosen these ones himself with no input from you. And he’d always been one to encourage any interests his daughters might have.

“Open yours dad! Open it!” Ji-soo exclaims, her twin practically vibrating next to her as she nods in excitement while Soo-ah moves a little closer too. This was the present that Hoseok had felt most awkward about, because he normally got his mom to get him something. But this year he’d asked you to get it, hoping to integrate both his deceased and his current loves.

You’d felt honoured and worried, unsure as to whether it would look good if you bought a present from him that was to be given in his dead wife’s name. But Yoo-jin’s parents had given their blessing to Hoseok’s idea, telling you that they knew you would do a good job for her because you were already doing good with her husband and children.

Maybe that made you cry. Just a little. Not a lot or anything.

As such, Hoseok had no idea what his present was, so shifted slightly to let you see his face too. He opened it up slowly, head tilting as he looked at the frame in his hand. It showed three star charts with a date below each.

And then he stiffened in realisation of what they symbolised, his eyes getting glassy as his lip quivered ever so slightly. Soo-ah frowned as she leaned forward, wondering what it was and she queried it softly.

Hoseok sniffed slightly before blinking rapidly and giving his girls a bright smile.

“It’s a star chart. It shows what the night sky looked like at a specific date so you can see what constellations were there. This...is your birthday Soo-ah and this is your birthday,” He points at one before gesturing to the twins. “And this...this is the day your mom and I got married.”

You can tell he’s struggling then for a moment and you reach out once more, just resting your foot against his hip in a simple gesture that said ‘I’m here’. He looked at you with a smile that wobbled before nodding slightly, pressing his lips into a firm line.

“I’ll have to put this up somewhere, huh?” There’s quiet for a moment before he places it to the side and gestures to the girls, pulling them all into a tight hug and kissing each one firmly on the head as they squirm and giggle. “I love you, and your mom loves you. I hope you like the presents Santa got from her.”

“We love them!” Ji-soo responds softly, wiping at her eyes that suddenly look a lot more tired and you can’t help but laugh gently. You swear the twins are battery operated because as soon as they lose power then they seem to shut down.

Hoseok senses it too, kissing her on the forehead before standing up.

“Okay, well...let’s get ready for bed then yeah? Santa can’t come if you’re awake! Don’t forget to leave out the carrot and cake for him, he’ll be very tired after all the travelling.” With that, you stand with him to help get them all ready and sent off to bed.

As they leave the kitchen after leaving out their treats for Santa and his reindeer, Hoseok pulls you to the side and presses a quick but deep kiss to your lips, holding your cheeks between his hands. He shifts back just as quickly, resting his forehead against yours and giving you such a fond look.

“Thank you. I love it. You should have left a space open on it though.” You feel yourself heat at that, unsure as to whether he means for another child or a wedding or what. “She would have approved.”

With that, he gives you another kiss before heading up the stairs to where the cacophony of girl voices tells you that the usual night time routine is in full motion. Standing in place for a moment, you look to the photo of Yoo-jin and Hoseok on their wedding day that sits atop the mantlepiece.

“I hope he’s right Yoo-jin. Happy Christmas.”

-

Shrieking voices wake you in the morning, alertness coming far too fast even though you’d been in bed by 11pm. Quietly you groan, voice gravelly from sleep while your eyes refused to open. Instead, you just roll over and curl closer into Hoseok, his warm body combining with the comfiness of the bed to try and lull you back to sleep.

But Hoseok is already alert, heaving a big sigh as he lets his head flop into the pillow for a few more moments before he’s shifting. You whine at him, fingers clutching at his shirt and he lets out a broken laugh, sitting up and running his hand over your shoulder.

“Come on baby, time to get up. It’s Christmas!” Despite how tired he sounds, you can tell he’s excited. Then again, he’s used to getting up crazy early with three kids by now. The man doesn’t know how to have a proper lie in, practically physically incapable of staying in bed past 9am. Unlike you...you hadn’t quite learnt that skill yet.

All of this meant that he was already pretty alert, a smile on his face despite his puffy eyes and cheeks, dark hair a complete mess. He hated what he looked like when he’d just woken up but you thought it was adorable.

The door slams open suddenly, left unlocked by Hoseok specifically for this reason despite the closed door policy of the house and two incredibly hyperactive girls come barreling through, voices getting increasingly louder as they talk over each other. Shuffling in bed, you move enough to let your head rest on Hoseok’s thigh as the twins jump onto the bed too, telling you both to hurry up.

“I’m guessing Santa’s been?” You ask, licking your lips and smile at the enthusiastic response you get from them. Soo-ah is stood in the doorway, looking far more tired than them with her plaited hair messy and pyjamas wrinkled.

“Yes! So you have to come downstairs! Come on! Please! Hurry up dad!” Ji-soo is tugging at Hoseok’s arm, jerking him as he laughs and holds up his free hand to her.

“Okay, okay. Go wash your faces and brush your teeth first then we’ll go down and open presents. Let me and Y/N get ready too.” They both pout immediately at the prospect of having to do chores, they thought of brushing their teeth as a chore at the moment, before opening presents but Hoseok is giving them The Look and so they speed off.

Soo-ah smiles at you both. “I’ll take them downstairs, don’t worry.”

With that, she closes the door behind her and leaves. Hoseok lets out a deep sigh that seems to come from the bottom of his stomach. “God...she’s getting older so quick. Where did my little girl go?”

Chuckling, you push yourself up and finally escape the confines of the duvet, stretching with a groan as you get out all the kinks.

“She’s still there. She’s growing up really well though.” You say absently, rubbing your eyes as you yawn. As such, you don’t see Hoseok come up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist tightly before kissing your shoulder.

“She is. Come on anyway, we can’t leave them alone too long. They’ll chew off their arms in impatience.” You snort in response to that, following him into the bathroom and quickly doing your morning routine at a much faster pace than you normally do.

Despite Hoseok saying that you didn’t need to change, you take the liberty of pulling on some clean underwear and leggings at least, wanting to be comfy and at least feel a little more like a person. He just pulls on some sweatpants before leading you downstairs.

The Christmas lights have already been turned on by Soo-ah you presume and you can’t help but laugh as all three of them sit eagerly on the floor in front of their respective present piles. Soo-ah doesn’t have as much as the twins, but then she’s reaching the age where her presents get smaller but more expensive.

“I see you’ve been good girl’s this year then. Santa must have enjoyed his time here,” Hoseok grins, pointing at the half eaten pie and empty glass that sat on the mantelpiece. “So come on then, let’s get on with it.”

He sits down on the couch, letting the girls take up the space and tugs you down next to him. The girls immediately tore into their presents, no consideration given for the time that had been spent wrapping them or anything and Hoseok has to repeatedly remind them to read the tags.

Soo-ah is finished first obviously, her pile consisting of books she’d asked for, a few films, some cute plushies and a bunch of clothes. That was everything she’d gotten from her grandparents and other family members. Her pride and joy though was the iPad that Hoseok had finally caved and bought for her.

The only reason he’d given in was because you’d told him that you’d pay part of it too so that he wasn’t spending a crazy amount on her. So it was the first dual present you’d ever gotten for her before and it made your stomach flutter with nerves and excitement as she squealed excitedly, holding the box to her chest tightly.

“Thank you dad!” Soo-ah said with the biggest smile, her eyes bright and Hoseok laughed, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and pulling you into him. 

“You need to thank Y/N too.” Without a second's hesitation she turns that pretty smile onto you and thanks you as well, jumping up and hugging you both tightly. She smells of the body spray that she’d started to wear lately, just a cheap one from the grocery store.

Ji-eun and Ji-soo distract you soon after, looking down at them as they both gasp in awe of the Playstation 4 that had been bought as a dual gift for them. A benefit of them both having the same bedroom was that Hoseok had only needed to buy one, letting them finally play all the games they begged to play on the console in the living room.

He was finally letting them have a little more time with electronics and you’d supported his decision the whole way. 

Alongside the PS4 came a whole host of games that they’d been desperately wanting to play along with a VR headset and an extra controller. That hadn’t been in the plan but Hoseok had been completely taken with the sales rep and ended up coming home with the thing. You hadn’t known whether it was a good idea for two girls so young but you figured they’d grow into it.

Plus...you kinda wanted to play it too.

Hoseok had admitted that to you as well and you had a feeling that it was probably more of a guilty present for himself as well. Not that you were going to out him about it or anything. At least...not until you’ve played Astrobot Rescue…

Their final presents from both you and Hoseok had been new bikes, bikes that would last them a few years as they grew. They weren’t cheap either, those fancy mountain bike styles because Hoseok wanted to be able to go on trails with them or take mini vacations to go biking. He liked that apparently, which was why you’d bought him a mountain bike for Christmas too.

Thankfully, you already had one so he had no reason to buy you one and Soo-ah had been gifted one last year from his parents. Their presents this from family were an assortment of superhero themed dolls which they still enjoyed playing with and a few small LEGO sets. For the most part, they both had similar interests so presents were a lot easier but you knew that would change as they grew older.

Then they’d watched with excitement as you and Hoseok opened presents. He got a bottle of expensive wine from his parents along with some expensive new shoes while Yoo-jin’s parents had gifted him a record player. You were surprised they still got him something but you thought it was sweet too.

Your own parents had gotten him one of the instant cameras, which confused you at first until he’d explained with a grin that he’d said to your dad he wanted one to take pictures and put them into books for the girls, and a box of fancy biscuits. The picture frame you’d hurried to say that you’d suggested changing one of the photos to Yoo-jin but Hoseok had just looked at you fondly, shaking his head lightly and telling you that it was perfect the way it was. 

He’d obviously got a bike from you but then you’d also splurged on him and gotten him the dash camera he wanted for his car. A more fun present was the series of figures that he loved. His face lit up in a smile that was a mirror image of his daughters as he examined the limited edition models with pure glee and your heart felt like it was going to explode in love.

From the girls, he got a whole range of small things that you’d gone and bought with them. Just stuff like funny socks to funny shirts, books to a new phone case. And you could see that he loved and appreciated every one of them.

Your own presents made you feel a little shy, the pile smaller than everyone else’s but they were just as eager to watch. The first thing you opened were from the girls. Hoseok had gotten you something from them last year but obviously you hadn’t seen them. This year you had them watching avidly.

And you let out a gasp of delight as you look down at the box of your favourite perfume, perfume that was not cheap.

“Oh my god! Thank you! This is my favourite!” You say excitedly, grinning broadly as you open the box and take out the pretty bottle. Soo-ah giggles as she shuffles closely, dainty fingers reaching out and touching the glass reverently.

“I know. I looked at your perfume and told dad.” Glancing at Hoseok, he shrugs with a small smile and you feel warmth blossom within at the fact that Soo-ah had taken the time to properly look. Despite feeling closer to the twins due to their immediate attachment to you, you still loved Hoseok’s eldest daughter and every step forward with her felt like a small victory.

“I love it. Thank you all.” 

Your parents had gotten you a new laptop and you vaguely remember that you’d told them you needed a new one. What’s surprising though is that it’s the exact one you’d been eyeing. Suspiciously, you glance to Hoseok who has a very innocent look on his face, eyes widening and brows rising as you watch him.

His parents had gotten you a beautiful military style long coat that had you ooh-ing as you ran your fingers over the luxurious black material and shiny gold buttons. It was truly exquisite and you just knew that it would look good on you.

Your eyes widened in shock as you were handed another present, this one small and delicate. But it was the tag that had you pausing, stating that it was from Yoo-jin’s parents. Almost immediately you look at Hoseok in confusion and he just leant forward, kissing your forehead.

“They’ve never met you but they know you’re in our lives and they didn’t want to be rude.” It was strange, opening up the present that his deceased wife’s parents had gotten you. Like you were breaking the rules or something, betraying Yoo-jin’s memory.

Inside was a delicate silver bracelet, little stars and moon breaking up the chain every now and then. It wasn’t an expensive brand or anything, but it could have been a cheap $5 ring and you would have been in awe given who it came from. Tenderly, you run your fingers along it while the girls all make noises at how pretty it is.

And then came the presents from Hoseok. Who appeared to have spoiled you given what you opened. Which was saying something given how much you’d spent on him.

A new Pandora bracelet complete with a set of Disney charms alongside a second bracelet that was rose gold, the hue shining in the dainty Christmas lights. New boots that you’d been considering for the last two months, your size and the exact colour you’d wanted. A set of tiny Harry Potter themed snow globes for your desk and a bunch of your favourite Pokémon in plush form. The console games you’d been wanting for a while but had been unwilling to spend money on and some new books for you to enjoy in your downtime. 

And then on top of all that, which was ridiculously honestly, was the Canon DSLR that he’d bought you. You’d been wanting to get a new camera and try out photography again, something you’d done years ago, but the cost had been putting you off.

“Hoseok!” His name comes out in an exasperated tone that’s threaded through with love, knowing that he’d just come with some excuse as to why he spent so much on you. You knew that he earnt enough and with you sharing the bills now he was even better off, but you’d never had so much stuff bought for it.

It left you a little flustered.

Almost as if he can tell, he grins broadly and kisses your cheek with an overly loud noise. The girls giggle to themselves at his display of affection before he squeezes your hand tightly.

“It’s Christmas! The season of giving. You can’t complain. Santa said you’ve been good.” You give him a look that tells him there’ll be a conversation about this later but you’re both distracted when the girls start to get antsy, wanting to play with their own stuff.

His foot came down rather quickly when the twins began to beg him to let them play outside on their bikes, desperate to have fun and probably scrape their knees multiple times. You’re sure he would’ve been okay with it, except that it was 5:30 in the morning and dark outside. Not exactly the right conditions to be letting them go around screaming.

Instead, he made them all go upstairs and shower to make sure that they were all clean before getting dressed in their comfy Christmas clothes that you’d bought for them. That was a tradition you’d brought from your own family; every year you got a new outfit for Christmas. Hoseok had been bemused by it but he’d gone along and the girls were just excited to have new clothes.

Once everyone was all dressed, you watched Hoseok for a moment as he helped to set up Soo-ah’s iPad as the twins got settled into playing on their PS4 already. He’d already turned it on and set it all up the other day so they were fully immersed in one of the LEGO games he’d bought, each chattering away as they played split screen.

A sudden wave of isolation hits you as you watched them, realising that you could easily walk out of the house right now and the picture here would still be the same. They wouldn’t really notice your loss and they’d survive happily without it. This was a family, his family. And you were just the interloper in it.

Chewing your lip, you turn around and head into the kitchen with a deep sigh. You try to keep those thoughts out of your head but it’s always a worry at the back of your mind. The anxiety that it all might fall apart. That you’d lose not only the man you love dearly, the man you’re positive is the love of your life, but also his beautiful daughters whom you had also come to love.

The kitchen is quiet as you turn on the oven, letting it pre-heat while you pull out the meats that you’d prepared the day before with Hoseok. Christmas dinner was easily one of the best moments of the day for you and you’d worked hard to combine his dinner with your family. Which meant you were eating honey glazed ham and roast turkey stuffed full of sage and onion stuffing.

Checking them over, you tut slightly and work at making sure they’ll be okay before placing them both into the oven, thankful that it was big enough to accommodate both. He had a grill above this that could also function as a second oven and you would be playing the vegetables into their later on to roast them to perfection with the seasonings and spices you’d lavished upon them.

You’re so invested in the food, taking out the cookies and everything your mom had given you yesterday and laying them on the side so that everyone could snack on them while the food cooked throughout the morning, that you don’t notice Hoseok sneaking in. It’s only when his arms wind around your waist that you realise, jumping slightly.

“Are you mad at me?” The childish tone to his voice tells you that he’s pouting and you resolve not to look at him. He has the most ridiculous puppy-eyes that manage to get him anything he wants and you’re not falling for it today. Not that you were actually mad at him or anything.

“No, I’m not. Though you spend way too much!” You whine petulantly poking his arm with your own lips turning into a pout. Hoseok chuckles, his chest vibrating against your back before he turns you around and gives you a bright smile, dimples appearing in his cheeks adorably.

“I love you. Christmas is when I get to spoil you.”

“You spoilt me on my birthday and our anniversary too.” Eyeing him suspiciously, his tongue pokes at his cheek as he looks at the ceiling and considers.

“Okay maybe so, but still. Point stands. I love you. And you never buy yourself anything! You always talk yourself out of it.” He argues, voice getting lower and more mumbled and you can’t help but smile at his face, reaching up and cupping those cheeks until they’re comically smushed. Despite the grumbles coming from his throat, he lets you be silly with him and you know it’s because you’ve gotten over it already.

“Did you like your stuff?” He nods, head jerking your hands before he reaches up and moves them away from his face. 

“I did. I’m a lucky guy.” Not responding, you just lean against his chest and exhale deeply, eyes closing as you just enjoy being with him in a small moment of silence in the madness that is his house. A madness that you’ve come to love and adore, something you’re not entirely sure you could live without anymore.

“This has been the best Christmas in a while.” Hoseok whispers softly, resting his cheek against your head while his arms wrap around you tighter. You don’t respond for a moment, hands grasping at his shirt before a response slips from your lips in a small, meek voice.

“Really?”

“Yes. Really. It feels...whole again. It’s been really nice to just...have someone else here. Someone I love, you know?” You don’t really know but you nod anyway, unwilling to let the moment slide between you both.

“I love you.” It’s whispered against his chest but you know that he hears, arms tightening for a moment before he kisses your head.

“Love you too.”

-

A click and a flash of light makes you jump, eyes widening as you look up at Hoseok who grins from behind the camera your parents had got him. It was after 10pm now, dinner a long distant memory and you were sipping a glass of mulled wine on the couch, curled up in your pyjamas and reading one of the new books you’d been given.

The girls had tired themselves out and had gone to bed over an hour ago, the early start and excitement of the day knocking them out quicker than you’d ever seen. Hoseok had spent that time cleaning up the room to his liking, putting their presents into neat piles before sitting on the floor in front of you and messing around with some of his own presents.

And your’s, he’d also been playing with your own camera. You were content to let him do so, the silence between you both comfortable and pleasant. His very presence was just soothing and the tiny noises he made without realising amused you.

But evidently he was feeling playful now, his face a picture of mischief as he takes the photo that prints out and waves it, letting the picture develop. Shaking your head, you roll your eyes at him before reaching out and pushing at his shoulder with your foot.

He chuckles, grabbing your foot and kissing your ankle. The close vicinity to your feet makes you cringe, pulling back immediately as you make a sound that would be more at home coming out of Ji-soo or Ji-eun’s mouth.

“Having fun?” You ask, lips pursing as he holds out the photo to you once he’s scribbled something on it in black Sharpie. It’s not bad in reality, those cameras always have a way of bizarrely making people look good and you run your finger over the photograph carefully, admiring the way he’d written ‘First Christmas together’. Hoseok takes it back and places it on the coffee table reverently.

“Yep. You’re beautiful.” That gets a soft laugh and the camera flashes once more, capturing the emotion forever. You whine, disliking the momentary blindness but he just lays his head on your knee for a moment, waiting for the photo to develop.

Once it’s done, he pushes up and sits next to you, holding out the camera in front of you both and gestures to you. You smile prettily for the camera, head leaning in towards him and waiting for the flash once more.

“Will you marry me?”

Any thoughts of the camera disappear as your eyes widen and your jaw drops, turning to look at him in shock. The click of his finger on the camera button combines with a blinding flash, the camera whirring as it prints.

“What?” It’s the only thing you can say, shock freezing you as you’re not sure if he’d just said that to get a reaction out of you or because he genuinely meant it. But then he looks at you with a gentle smile, handing you the photograph and getting up to retrieve something he’d hidden behind a frame on the mantelpiece.

Sitting back next to you, you’re still experiencing that bizarre sense of uncertainty, body flushing cold and hot as you try to assess the situation. But then Hoseok opens the tiny box, revealing an elegant silver ring with a beautiful diamond set into the centre. It’s simple, but you love it already and without even realising you start to cry.

“Hoseok…”

“Will you marry me? Final present, I swear.” He grins, his own eyes looking ever so slightly misty while his cheeks take on a slightly rosy glow. You can’t stop looking between his face and the ring, hands shaking as you drop the book onto your lap and reaching out for it.

“Really? You...you really want to marry me?” Part of you knows that you should just say yes, but your emotions are so overwhelmed. Marriage was obviously something that you’d both discussed, it was something that anyone who had inclinations of wanting to get married and in a long term relationship discussed, but you just hadn’t thought he’d want to so early.

It wasn’t even ten years since his wife had died and he’d always said that she was the love of his life. While you knew that was likely true and you hadn’t wanted to try and compete against a woman who couldn’t fight back, you had that struggle in that you were faced with a woman who would forever be perfect in his memory.

Marriage for Hoseok meant cementing your place into his family, truly allowing you to take the place Yoo-jin had left. You would legally be the girls step-mother. It just all felt so final and you hadn’t been sure that Hoseok was ready for that.

“Of course I want to marry you. I love you. As cheesy as it is...you made me realise that it’s okay to love again. That’s it’s not betraying Yoo-jin, or myself or my kids. I have so much to thank you for; for embracing my kids, for loving me even though I came with a lot extra, for not trying to erase Yoo-jin, for just caring so much. I love being with you, I love how my kids love you, I love how my parents love you, I love your parents, I love you try so hard. Being with you...makes me feel younger than I actually am, like I’ve got a partner in crime again. That sounds lame,” He snorts, rolling his eyes.

“But it’s true. It’s not just me being ganged up on by my daughters anymore. I have someone to confide in, someone to trust, someone that I can break down in front of and not be seen as weak and who will hold me up until I feel strong again. I don’t think you realise how much you’ve done for me, or my family. Our family. I know you always think about Yoo-jin and your respect for her is amazing. But I don’t want you to think about her this time. I just want you to think about yourself. I love you and I really, really want to marry you.”

You have no doubt that you’re ugly crying now, your nose going alongside your eyes and you sniffle pathetically, rubbing at your face with the ends of your sweater. It makes Hoseok laugh gently, reaching out and pulling you into a tight hug. Neither of you realises for a moment that you’re nodding your acceptance, body already doing what your mind had decided.

“Yes. Yes, god yes. I’d...I’d love to marry you. I mean if you’re okay with that.”

“Sweetheart...I just asked you. I think I’m okay with it.” But he doesn’t push further, grinning broadly as he pushes the ring onto your finger before kissing it. His eyes are still shining with his own unshed tears, happiness dancing in them before he pulls you closer, pressing his lips to yours in a deep kiss, neither of you caring if anyone interrupts this one.

“God I am so glad you said yes. I was very stressed about this.” He murmurs when you finally pull apart, foreheads pressed together while your noses brush. You sniff one more and he gently wipes away the tears, cooing in the softest voice as he consoles you.

The two of you hug and kiss for a while longer, unwilling to let each other go in the bliss of happiness and excitement that his proposal had engendered. Any worries you may have about being officially part of his family disappear finally, simply enjoying the moment with him and in awe of the fact that he loves you enough to marry you.

This guy, who you’d started talking to at a get together years ago simply because you were sat next to each, had become such an important part of your life and it genuinely shocked you to know that you’d become the same to him. He pulls away, reaching for the Sharpie and the photograph that had fallen to your lap.

Carefully, he writes on it before lifting it up to look at it with a smile. “I think that was a good proposal.”

Turning it, he lets you look at the photograph and you feel warmth blossom as you remember that he’d captured this moment. In the small picture, he’s grinning broadly, that mischief you’d grown so used to in his eyes, that he’d passed onto his daughters, very prominent while you stare at him in complete shock.

Along the bottom, he’s scrawled out ‘Will you marry me?’. Laughing, you kiss his cheek.

“Is this why you asked for this kind of camera?” He shrugs in response, expression mysterious and you just burrow yourself into side deeper.

“Happy Christmas sweetheart.”

“Happy Christmas.”

[cooloddball]

I just saw the video where Jensen seemed pissed at Jrpad for pieing Misha a bit too forcefully and holy shit! He really does seem annoyed. And this was back in 2015. I’m questioning every single thing I thought I knew about j//2’s relationship now.

I’d actually feel really bad for j//2 shippers if so many of them hadn’t been so unnecessarily cruel and hateful towards Misha and the Wives.

I mean how long has this been going on? I do believe they were friends once, but clearly some things have changed in the last few years. How much of it was really pr? Because Jensen apparently wasted no time in distancing himself from Jred once he had the chance. I know we haven’t gotten a lot of content from the two of them and their wives together for years now, was it because they decided to limit contact? Or maybe their wives weren’t the best of pals? (I even heard a rumor that Jensen and Gen had some problems with each other, idk how true it is though). But they lived so close together for so long. At first I thought maybe Jensen was a bit upset with him because of the finale and that was it, but now I can’t help but think this has been a long time coming. Jensen just, straight up didn’t tell him about the prequel. And Kripke thought Jred knew, was he expecting Jensen to tell him? And he dropped the news right before Walker aired as well. Tbh, even if Jensen had a legitimate reason for not telling him (which I don’t think is the case) I do believe what Jred did irrevocably damaged what was left of their friendship. Jensen is a very private person and I don’t think he took too kindly to Jred just airing out their dirty laundry like that. Wow ok,I’m sorry this got so long. I’d love to hear your thoughts though.

Please don't apologize for the long ask. I don't mind.

TL:DR: The j2 fallout has been a long time coming.

Long text below:

The other day I got this ask that I think summarized most of the things you said here:

I have a feeling that the fallout began as early as 2009 and has built up until now. I mean for at least 3 years it was just Jensen and Jared. They were worshipped and adored by fans and it was clear who the "lead" was. In 2008 Misha came in and it was the cockles awkward phase so there wasn't much to it. But in 2009, things started changing. Misha became part of the show and the show started becoming more about Dean. I also think this is the year when cockles became serious. By s6 it was the Dean show and by extension a Dean/Cas show. It kept escalating from there and it led to everything you mentioned in your answer in that other post. It kept getting worse and the Jensen got the role for the boys and he had new, cooler, better friends, he did events with Misha, he ghosted J*red and the final nail in the coffin was Jensen making this new show without even a peep to him.

I agree that J*red has no right to be pissed. This has nothing to do with his, it's selfish to get angry that he wasn't told then go on a rampage of Twitter. What's even worse is that he had to tag Jensen for him to even acknowledge his existence. Unfortunately, Jensen has to deal with such drama while worrying about how to get back to his family and give his baby girl a proper birthday party. I know the two might work together in a possible reunion of the show in a few years but I believe whatever little respect Jensen had for him is long gone.

I personally have my own view of the whole situation. First of all, let me start by saying I don't know much about Gen or her relationship with Jensen so I don't know whether they are on good terms or not. However, Dee and Gen are not as close as they used to be. I am relatively new to this fandom but from what I have seen, they used to be family, hanging out together all the time, going to events and even lived a block away from each other in Austin.

The other day someone mentioned that Jensen and JP were supposed to start a business together in 2016 but the same didn't pan out for some reason. Whatever the reason we might never know.

As I have mentioned, I am relatively new to this fandom. However, when I discovered cockles last year, I scoured old cockles blogs and even landed into some anti blogs and saw things that I can never unsee. In that time, I also watched a lot of convention videos and that's when I started seeing something weird.

In the beginning, Jensen and Misha used to be very playful with one another at the US creation cons. They would crash each other's panels and flirt and then something changed. The flirting became mostly restricted to JIBCON.

Jensen and JP used to make fun of Misha a lot. This is understandable since when those two were together they were like frat boys. However, something changed and Jensen stopped seeing those things as funny. He was particularly angry at JP when he pied Misha too hard and almost broke his nose. He was also unhappy with JP for making fun of Misha's acting during JIB9.

The other thing I believe is that most of the Jensen and JP friendship was mostly for PR. I believe with all my heart that they were genuinely friends, brothers for life. That part I believe was/is real. However, what doesn't sit well with me is how they were always conveniently spotted by a fan or paparazzi whenever they hang out off the set.

The reason I'm saying this is because Jensen and Misha hang out all time. You have heard stories from them about how they went to a restaurant and ordered the 3 least ordered things, or when Misha and Dee ate the hottest peppers and Jensen just sat there watching, the private mass at the Vatican for the 2 of them, Dee saying Misha and Vicki helped a lot with FBBC etc. All these things we don't see in the tabloids. Unless they post them or tell us about them randomly without thinking, we would never have known. Why? Because it is not PR.

I think at least some of Jensen and JP friendship was for PR and ratings because every time JP got into trouble or was spotted drunk or acting up, he was always alone or in the company of other people who aren't Jensen. So, if they were actually bffs who were inseparable and hang out together all the time, why is it that Jensen was not involved in all those scandals that his bff was involved in?

There was also something I saw a while back. It was an excerpt of something that Jensen said. It was something akin to, once they were done filming a season and it was time for hiatus, Jensen would tell JP he didn't want to see him until after three months when they were either going for cons or back to filming. That is something pretty interesting for him to say if they were supposedly hanging out all the time.

I believe their brotherhood /friendship was real but it was overhyped for the show because the idea of family is what appealed to the audience.

As for Jensen and the spn prequel. I have to agree with the anon who sent me the ask I just shared with you. I believe that Jensen was under no obligation whatsoever to tell JP about it. He is neither an EP nor the creator of the show. So unless he would have just told him as a friend, the show is over, this is a prequel that has nothing to do with Sam. Jensen is telling Dean's story. So maybe the only people he had an obligation to tell were WB, CW, Singer, Dabb and of course Kripke. Anyone else would've been just as a courtesy as a friend/co-worker and nothing else.

The funny thing is that he did not tell JP even as a friend. He found out the same way we all did. This in and of itself was interesting because if they are such friends, Jensen would have literally told him he was thinking about it way before he went to Kripke.

What's even funnier is that he didn't even tell him after he told Kripke and the funniest thing is how JP said he was gutted. I mean why was he gutted? Jensen didn't want to tell him. He should've read the room. His reaction was adverse compared to how everyone else was excited for Jensen and Dee. What’s even worse is the fact that Jensen and Dee actually were happy for him and his new show.

In conclusion. I think Jensen is the type of person who once they are done with you they are just done. They move on and may or may not ghost you. They may see your text and say they will respond but it will be 30 days later when they realize they forgot to hit send on the draft reply to a text but it's too late now so they delete the unsent text and forget about you and they never tell you. In the meantime, you are sitting, rotting, wailing and waiting for a response and nothing. Six months later, Jensen announces so blantantly without any hint of subtlety on Twitter that they have moved on without you . You are gutted, so you throw tantrums and here we are now.

I hope this jumbled mess makes sense because it is too long and I can't undo it.

[unwillingadventurer]

Wrote a little Graham and Ian fic set after the most recent Doctor Who episode. Although you can read this independently, we did write a few other Graham and Ian meeting up stories:

The Waiting Room

Memory Lane

Another meet up

...

Wrapping his scarf around his neck and looking in the mirror, Graham O’Brien took a deep breath and glanced at himself, keeping straight and proud, more confident in himself than in recent times. From the corner of his eye, he swore he just saw a glimpse of her—his Grace—ever so slightly faded. But she was there and she was smiling. He couldn’t help but smile back.

Looking in his own bedroom mirror, Ian Chesterton sighed as he glanced at his own lined face and then at the empty bed behind. It’d been years now and each morning brought the same feeling of loss. For a moment he could imagine she was in the kitchen, cooking him bacon and eggs whilst doing the crossword. Then, for the briefest of moments, he saw her—his Barbara—ever so slightly hazy, standing by the bedside table. She was watching him as she used to. He turned to face her but she was simply a ghost-like memory.

…

“Ian, mate, how the hell are ya?” Graham said the next weekend as he stepped off the train and was greeted at the station by Ian.

“Bitterly cold isn’t it?” Ian said, removing a thick woollen glove to shake hands with Graham.

“Yeah, perhaps it was a bad idea to meet when it’s so nippy. You alright in this cold?”

“Oh, I’ve survived much colder than this.”

“With the Doctor?”

“How’d you guess?” There was a smile on Ian’s face and he fell silent for a moment. “Barbara and I were nearly shall I say… frozen to death.”

 “And that makes you smile?”

“More that we survived!”

Graham chuckled. “Well come on, mate, let’s get out of this cold, get a bit of grub and a cuppa. You had breakfast?”

“Not touched a fry up since Barbara’s been gone.”

“Fancy trying it now, there’s a greasy spoon down the next street if I remember this area correctly?”

“I’d like that very much and you can tell me what’s been going on.”

…

 As the waitress in the cafe placed down two plates of full English breakfast, Graham licked his lips in anticipation. “Have a butchers’ at that, me old son, cor this’ll warm your cockles.”

 “There’s a lot of it,” Ian said, noting how Barbara would’ve cooked much less. “She’d be asking me to watch my cholesterol.”

 “Alright for a cheeky treat though eh?” he said through a mouthful of sausage dipped in egg yolk.

Ian took a sip of his tea and waited for Graham to finish the bite. “So, you have news? When I got your call, I worried something might have happened to Ryan or the Doctor or that lovely young lady.”

“Ah no, we’re all alive and kicking, alright, you know? It’s just Ryan and I have left the TARDIS. We thought the Doc was gone for a while and then she comes back and off we go to another adventure. But when she asked us to stay, Ryan and me, well we made other plans.”

“You’d had enough?”

“Ah, I don’t know. Always the way though, glad I left and regretting it at the same time. You get like that?”

“I did at first but the desire to see home was far too strong for us. And remember back then we couldn’t get home at all. We didn’t have the choice.”

“Blimey, yeah, that is tricky. I just thought like what with you being a man who’s been in my position, that you’d know how I feel.”

Ian smiled. “First we bond over our much-missed wives and now…over leaving the adventure behind.”

“And the Doctor.”

“Him too. Of course, there’s adventure in Earth life too but adjustments are always difficult.���

“Yeah, me and Ryan figured there’s always something on Earth to fix. I’m so glad he’s here, not sure I could do it alone.”

“The person you shared it with is by your side that’s a wonderful thing. There’s not too many people who’ve experienced the highs and lows of a life with the Doctor as we have.”

“We’re privileged,” Graham said. “I can honestly say I’ve seen the best of people. My mate Yaz, the Doctor brought out the best in her. She does for all of us.”

“I know what you mean. But with the best of things, there was the worst I’ve ever experienced too.”

“Yeah, saw some terrible things that shake me to my bones.” Graham sniffed. “Look at us having a therapy session again. Wonder if all the Doc’s other travelling companions feel like this?”

“Oh, I expect so.”

“You ever met any of them, well except me?”

“Yes a few over the years, difficult to remember how and when and where. When you get to my age you lose track.”

“Get out of it, you’re a whippersnapper, well at least compared to the Doctor.”

Ian laughed.

“Anyway, if there are loads of us roaming about Earth and the universe, maybe we could sort of hook-up, you know, in the non-kinky sense and have a chin-wag about putting up with the Doc.”

“Like a sort of companion care support group?”

 “Yeah, I mean, we’re not saying we need therapy or nothing and we won’t talk about our childhood traumas and all that but just have a laugh and share stories with each other. And make fun of the Doc, compare them to each other like rate-a-Doc.dot com.”

“At least you can call him Doc, we were forbidden.”

“There you go, already comparing… and she’s a she now.”

Ian grinned. “Of course, I apologise. My Doctor had his irascible moments but on the whole I’d like to leave a positive review of him.”

“Alright, no one star reviews allowed.”

They both laughed and leaned back in their chairs, memories flooding into their minds, Graham’s from the recent years and Ian’s from so long ago.

 “Now, the question is, how do we find these previous mates of the Doc?”

“I have contacts and numbers if that helps.”

Graham whistled. “’Ark at you. Know people in high places do ya?”

“Oh, I knew the fellows at UNIT. The Brigadier was a wonderful man, passed away a while back now but through him we met a fair few people connected to the Doctor. And Torchwood paid us a visit when we got home in 1965 but I’m not supposed to talk about that. I also skype with Jo and her husband Cliff but they’re usually off on their travels. I knew Clara for a while but I’m not sure of her now but It’s one big family when you think about it, even though one half of us doesn’t know the other exists. It helps sometimes when I miss Barbara and feel so alone.”

Graham patted him on the shoulder and pointed at Ian’s plate. “Don’t forget your hash browns. You got to eat your grub me old mucker, we’ve got work to do. You’re stuck with me now. Us companions of the Doctor are a fam and we look out for each other.”

Ian reached across the table and placed his hand on top of Graham’s, patting it lightly.

“See and now your hands are warm.”

[theyarebothgunshot]

this is exactly how it went down in my head.

misha: hey, everything okay? do you need me to do something?

jensen: no, lay low. we’re figuring it out.

misha: got it.

— the next day —

misha: things settled. should i say anything? draw attention? stay neutral?

jensen: you don’t have to, but if you want, tread lightly. we’ve had enough chaos.

misha: say no more.

when nobody got your back you KNOW dmitri got your back.

ANYWAYS i turned my back for TWO MINUTES and y'all went the fuck off in my inbox so, you know the drill: more under the cut

NO BUT JENSEN’S RESPONSE LMAAAAAO honestly fallout theory is so on oh my God I can’t stop-

on god they are so loud like-

Worst damage control i've ever seen. god bles.

so true bestie

I think Jensen probably just wants to be done with this petty little drama, so if he has to pretend everything between them is okay he is going to be the bigger man and lay it to rest. Whatever is going on between them he definitely doesn't want to sort that out on social media and the earlier he pretends everything is sorted out the earlier people will forget about it again.

Also it's kinda funny how J*red Tweet was like implying they had a misunderstanding but still talk to each other regularly, while Jensen went full on the we grow apart a little bit, because we were busy, let's catch back up. Makes me wonder if they actually talked or if there managers just said hey that's not good pr, let's put that to rest. Also did J*red know before yesterday that they had a falling out or did he just not realize.

- 🐌 anon

literally jensen went out of his way to say 'uhhh we never talk, worstie' god if pr management is involved then they did a bad job. also j*red still does not realise they have fallen out. jshfjdsfh

Jackles was like God bless but we ain’t talking like this worstie

good for her.gif

csdsc heeft gevraagd:

All I need now is for Misha to tweet “ is it safe to come out now?” And I’ll be complete lmfao 😂😂😂

that would have been better than what we got lmfao

I have one fear and it's Jensen being forced to add j*red to his show and his other projects because he couldn't stop whining like a baby,,, ugh i hate him

i pretend i do not see

Kinda selfish of me tbh but i don't want them to be "friends" again, Jensen sweetie run as fast as you can

co-signed

Ok Jensen's answer to Jared tweet made me feel so bad for him. Like, I can see it's damage control and public relations (obviously) but there's stuff behind it. I can't name it, but idk, I felt terrible for texas man this time, I don't think that reply was written with a "love and light energy" or even without much care. I felt some heavy vibes.

- 🌻, who is now a fortune teller and a prophet apparently

yeah i feel hella bad for him to, for having to deal with this shit. nonnie please if you ever have anything to predict, lemme know sjdfhs

You know Jensen's tweet has the energy of like kindergarten wenn an other kid started a fight with you and the kindergarten teacher wants you to forgive each other and hung it out and you really don't want to, but your kindergarten teacher is being annoying and he isn't worth the annoyance either.

- 🐌 anon

you are not wrong

Incredibly thankful that I have the day off from work 😂 I'm with hatching chick anon, the 3 dots read as passive aggressive/insincere to me, and I love it! I haven't spent this many hours on tumblr since I first discovered cockles! (On a side note, the lack of fimmf posts today has me feeling like it's not friday lol) -🐢

i, too, miss fimmf but alas things happen, they do they do they do

I was right. :(

It got almost romantic...

👀

nonnie you know i love you but this is really not the case, like, at all??? idk how you could look at those tweets and think it was almost romantic. it was THEE most scripted, pr bullshit ever. it was staged and fake. idk what else to tell ya

Danneel liked Jensen's tweet

i saw

That is so so awkward I feel so sorry for all of us being exposed to this and so happy I chose to leave the Internet for half a day - tea anon

god bless your stance on that cause i would have hated missing out on this lmao

You know what? I think it’s okay being a 38 year old moron if you’re bringing us this type of content

im happy with the food but still think its not okay tbh

pspspsps Misha this is the perfect day for you to drop the gay Cas essay pspspspsp it is still pride month pspspsps

you know you want to king pspsps

So that JIB6 link (I think it was from your post, right?). I went and watched that bit, and a little more.

Jensen makes a comment about Jared being first on the call sheet because Sam was supposed to be the main focal character.

And that him nor Misha cared about what number they were, so in all that time it never changed.

And I’ll be… if that just doesn’t perfectly sum them up and their feelings on things. And how a certain someone can be petty… 🦚

idk if it was from my post? but maybe? my analysis probably? but yeah things are making more and more sense huh

Ohh that's also an alien? Welcome to the extraterrestial family then, purple alien anon!

Also it's probably because I'm coming off the high this drama gave me but I'm not looking forward to them trying so hard to convince us everything is normal between them. Even though we now Know, they will have to keep pretending. Today (yesterday?) was a shitshow but some masks fell off, at least for a moment and I kinda wish Jensen was less professional 😂

👽

oh for real, fallout theory IS confirmed and nothing they said today will change my mind, it only made me believe in it even more lmfao and with that in mind i am just gonna sip my tea if they try to be buddy buddy on main again

I THINK MISHA UNRETWEETED BUT HE TWEETED "LOVE AND MISS YOU BOTH" I'M LOSING MY DIGNITY HERE - tea anon

yeah he now answered them sjdfhsjfhsf instead of rt

MISHA COLLINS IS A KING I STAN THE RIGHT MAN

YOU SURE DO

I just know Misha’s process was oh crap I have to let people know I’m supporting them and I can’t choose sides. Ok. Retweet. NO. Delete. I love both of you. Yes, good.

sjdfsdfh this makes me think of that post that dissected jackles' birthday post for misha where he used the heart. 'call him bro, that makes it less obvious. nailed it.'

Lol I'm off for a few days and come back to total chaos... God I missed it here

Like the "et tu... #bravo" tweet? Made my day! Frikking hilarious (every time I see it I picture J*red with a pissy frech accent saying it out loud lol) it's just such an incredibly petty hissy fit he threw (I know he tweeted more later on but... Really all that stuff coming afterwards just sounds like damage control)

Missed you Rose

-🐻

LOVE the french accent detail im gonna do this too sdjfhsjfh missed you toooo!!!!

Oh man Misha is really gonna get hate for that I KNOW IT

sigh well. nothing he isnt used to by now, unfortunately

i mean i believe they feel like brothers, but constantly falling back on the “brother” thing to keep up appearances is really starting to feel like “#spnfamily” at this point.

honestly brothers can be very annoying, or so i have heard, so it fits with the fallout theory lmao

They actually said if we’re gonna make this gay we cannot have Jar*d Pad*lecki involved

oh my God this is the funniest timeline to ever exist God bless I’m just waiting to canon bi Mary

king shit tbh