#and i still hate everything i make recently

[centrally-unplanned]

Academic History YouTuber Premodernist released video recently on "State Flag" discourse, and flag discourse more wildly, that I thought was pretty good! I agreed with 50% of it. For those who don't know, there is a longstanding movement in the vexillology community to push for more simplified flag designs, and they hate the state flags of the US as their antithesis; a movement that catapulted into the internet mainstream when YouTuber CGPGrey released a video riffing on that debate and grading all the state flag designs.

That video is great by the way (it's hilarious, CGP Grey is just very talented as a performer), and the biggest thing Premodernist is wrong about is that the state flags do suck. But what he gets right is that the so-called "principles" briefly referred to in the video are themselves pretty weak; some are fine but others do not hold up to much scrutiny. The state flags largely suck for the boring reason that they just suck; they are shitty designs and often repeat each other in a domain where "standing out" is the point. Like what the fuck Montana:

This is something a 5th grader whips up in PowerPoint for a class presentation. Helvetica Bold?? "Mandated by law in 1985" yeah I didn't need Wikipedia tell me this decision dates to the 80's.

But that is boring and subjective, right? You can't just say they suck. So you had to make a theory about it - and I won't go into too much detail but it generally boils down to:

Make it simple, "something a child could draw"

Make it "distinct at a distance", since it is a flag you are supposed to see it at a distance

Three colors or fewer

No words on flags

Which I think you can get the philosophy for. These principles, which CGP Grey outlines, actually come from the work of Ted Kaye, who is a big figure in the aforementioned flag reform movement and the focus of most of the video. As part of the original CGP Grey video I just rolled with that, but I did remember him showing Utah's newly designed flag at the end which embodied these principles, and uh:

This is kind of mid? Like it doesn't suck, but it looks like a corporate redesign of a hockey team logo or something. A bit of a red flag (hah) if your front-and-center case is weak.

Anyway this is what Premodernist digs into in the video. The stuff I agreed with the most are the parts where he just ???? at some of these rules. "No finicky bits", a "child must draw it", "distinct at a distance"? None of these actually track for say this one:

A child drawing the US flag does not draw 50 stars and 13 stripes unless they are a budding librarian; you absolutely cannot tell if this flag has 50 stars on it from a distance, and that level of detail is clearly some kind of finicky. Of course your response is "okay sure but still, I can tell what the flag is from a distance, I can't count the 50 stars but I get the gist". But that is true for almost all flags!

It's a fern and a peace pipe and a brown thing and the word "Oklahoma" below it, you absolutely, 100%, will be able to tell what this flag is at a distance. You don't need to count the leaves to get the general shape, and when you think about it, it is actually kind of silly anyone would claim otherwise. There just isn't any need to appreciate the tiny details on a flag to understand whose flag it is. (the only valid critique here is that everything should be bigger - too much dead space)

Not to mention the "see from a distance" thing even being a metric. That isn't how you encounter flags most often today? Maybe in the 19th century on a battlefield that was (and even then you had battle standards), but it isn't now. You see it in textbooks, on your computer screen, as an icon for a football game team, right next to you in a government office. Why privilege distance? You just made that up as a value. 99% of "flag consumption" is not seeing it at a distance.

The "only use ~3 colors thing" is the funniest, you can just argue this with...no? No you don't. You don't. What? No. You can...you can just use more colors? Here is an example from the "manual" Ted Kaye wrote on the subject:

And the 5 bands on the chinese flag are fine! They are not "hard to look at" or whatever. Also, I am screenshotting a tiny corner of a youtube video, this image is like 240p, and I can tell its a dragon - and that isn't even the color point it is trying to make, dude just deviates off into another critique. Meanwhile the Amsterdam flag looks like a traffic warning sign. Chinese flag needs to not have the white stripe connect into the white seal background, that is an error, but otherwise I prefer it.

It is annoying how many of the state flags are a blue banners with a round seal in the middle. That does make them hard to distinguish from each other. But that isn't a problem with seal-on-blue, that is just a collective action problem! Flag-reform-favourite the tricolor can run into this too - here are the flags of the Netherlands and Luxembourg:

Like one of your needs to go home and change, that is ridiculous. Though if you had a complex seal in the middle that might avoid this problem! Funny that.

Even the "no words on a flag" argument, which I am more sympathetic to, doesn't hold up too well because too often you find yourself going "unless it is good" which just isn't a rule. The Iranian flag is the stand-out he mentions:

The middle crest is a stylized rendition of the name Allah, and the cursive lining on the tricolor bands are text as well - God Is Great, 22 times, marking the anniversary date of the Islamic Revolution. Stylistically beautiful, also words on a flag. The state flags just didn't try to do anything artistic.

I think the best point Premodernism mentions is a sort of stylistic unity Kaye & Co are pursuing above all else - everything sacrificed for corporate minimalism. Kaye's book will say it respects history and symbols should be meaningful, but then hates any symbols that require complexity. He singles out Turkmenistan as an ugly flag for example:

And as I said I only 50% disagree sometimes, I do think there is a complexity limit, and this flag goes over it, that is too detailed. Though the main reason this flag is bad is the weird choice to not put the banner at the edge, and have the crescent just...float off center? If it was this:

Two seconds in paint, already better, you can play with it. But anyway, you can say the symbols are too complex, but if you also say you care about historical meaning? Turkmenistan is a nation of traditional semi-nomadic tribes, who populated the Silk Road and made textiles as their ultimate expression of art. These carpet guls are traditional symbols used in those carpets that represent the five major tribes that compose the country. You can't just invent new symbols that have equal meaning to these, right? Like you can try if you want, sure, new symbols become meaningful all the time. But a rule that says "all art from before 1950 is tossed in the dumpster because it wouldn't pass muster as a Pepsi logo" is a weird rule to adopt if you say you value historical meaning. Turkmenistan does not have to look like France, and it is weird to want every national symbol to be aesthetically coherent to each other. Let 100 flags bloom! It is certainly "distinct at a distance" lol.

Anyway that is enough summarizing of a YouTube video - as I mentioned, he actually likes the state flags, I don't, I do think you have to balance a lot of this with just "general design principles". Never have your name on a flag in Helvetica Bold, amazing I had to write that one down for you. But a lot of these flag-specific rules derived from Kaye's work I often see bandied about are silly, and I was glad to see someone point that out.

[sunflowerhae]

Ch. 17 FTCU by Nicki Minaj

Haechan stands beside you, feeling like he’s on cloud 9 as he sways to the beat of the drums. Here he was with all his best friends, watching a free show for a famous artist with a model, two youtubers, and you - his idol and crush..and friend. If you had told Haechan he would be in this position 6 months ago, he probably would have laughed in your face and told you to get fucked. But regardless of that, here he stands, right by you. Typically, when you’re in a room with him, haechan can’t help his eyes from casting their long gaze towards your face. It’s almost instinct on his part; a primal part of him that can’t keep his attention away from you for more than a minute. Even now, as Mark pulls him away to ask him something along with Jaemin (the two seem to be getting on just peachy) he still is acutely aware of every movement you make.

You couldn’t stop yourself from crying.

Watching your best friend of 5 years complete a life dream of hers by finishing a world tour is not a sentence one says everyday, so when you watch Giselle finish her final monologue to the crowd and transition into her second to last song from your spot in the balcony room, you can’t stop the tears that threaten to spill. You look around briefly, noticing that haechan left his place beside you in favor of Mark and Jaemin. You try your hardest to hide the pout that makes its way to your face, shaking off the sick feeling that grows in your stomach from haechan stepping away.

It’s just a stupid crush, y/n.

Can you be blamed, though? In the 6 odd months that you’ve lived in your apartment building - sharing a wall with the boy your eyes can’t leave - Haechan has somehow found a way to nuzzle himself into your heart, setting up camp and using pieces of your sanity to make a tent. Whenever your expectations dip and you try to rationalize your friendship with him, Haechan turns around and exceeds your needs tenfold. It’s almost like the boy knows everything about you, with how much he gets right. He always seems so…aware of what you want and how to get it.

You don’t realize you’re staring until your line of sight is cut off. Looking at the face of the person who stepped next to you, Karina is smiling back while holding out a beer for you to take. “Well, they seem pretty happy right now,” she gestures behind you as you take the beer from her hands. Turning around, you see Winter trapped in Jeno’s arms, swaying to the music as he whispers something in her ear that has her throwing her head back in laughter. You sigh, jealously creeping into your heart at your best friend’s love.

“Yeah, they’re usually like that. Although it’s gotten worse recently, I will say,” you say while laughing, turning back around to see Karina doing the same, “I can’t be mad when I see them, though - just jealous.”

Karina quips her brow up at you, “no one special in your life, y/n?” You look back at her in surpise, which she seems to take as anger, “not like you don’t have anyone special or anything! Just, are you single is all I mean..” she trails off, obviously experiencing a severe case of foot in mouth syndrome. Karina internally hits herself on the head - she really liked you and your friends, and although she would never admit it she can’t help but feel intimidated by all of you. She would hate to ruin the chance of friendship with her bluntness that people typically aren’t fans of. Before she can apologize, she is surprised when you start laughing.

“No, no! You’re okay don’t worry I got what you meant. No, nobody special right now. But with my schedule it probably wouldn’t work out. Any free time I have is usually spent being lazy, or satisfying haechan and his need for attention.” You laugh while rolling your eyes playfully. Just then, the spot to your right is taken by Ningning. You liked her, she was so sweet and you couldn’t help but find her love for coffee endearing. When she told you about her desire to open her own coffee shop, you saw a lot of yourself in her; a girl with dreams who wants to be her own boss. As if feeling a kinship between the two of you, her presence eases away some awkwardness you felt almost immediately.

“Ahh yes, we know a lot about Haechan’s neediness. It’s nice having you around because you take a lot of heat off of our shoulders!” She exclaims, which causes the three of you to go into a fit of giggles, your heart growing warmer thinking about the boy so easily replacing them with you - it’s nice to feel so wanted.

“Oh yeah, I get it. I told him the other day he uses me like a girlfriend or something,” you recount the day, trailing off somewhat awkwardly as you remembered the embarrassment that followed from that sentence leaving your mouth. While you and Haechan played with each other freely, not really having filters in what you’ll say, that one took the cake and you couldn’t help but feel a little proud, as it was the first thing you’ve ever said that left the tanned boy completely silent. The two don’t seem to notice your sudden uncomfortable nature, or if they do they don’t acknowledge it. You watch Karina’s eyes go wide as she smiles,

“Oh my god remember when we met and you thought I was Haechan’s girlfriend!” The two of you laugh while Ningning seems surprised.

“Wait, what? Did I miss something? I didn’t know you guys have met before…” Ningning seemed somewhat betrayed as she stared at the both of you with wide eyes.

“Ning I’ve told you about this, girl! Y/n thought me and Haechan were together when I was there one day to study with him,”

“-yeah it was just a misunderstanding. Haechan cleared it up though!” You finished, nodding a bit as you watched Ningning’s gears turning in her head. Her eyes go light as she bursts out in laughter, picturing something funny in her head.

“God - imagine Karina and Haechan! I know for a fact Karina would never go for him, right? And vice versa too, you’re just not his type - no offense though,” she pouts at Karina, the former rolling her eyes as she tunes out the conversation and focuses on Giselles music. You find yourself hyper aware of this conversation, oddly invested. You also note that Ningning is on her third beer, and is slightly more intoxicated than you. “But it wouldn’t matter regardless!”

“Why not?” You press, instinctively leaning closer into the brown haired girl as she takes another swig of her beer before continuing her thought.

“Well, haechan has a really big crush on this girl he knows, so he would never go for Karina!” You can see the realization sink into Ningning’s eyes as she processes her own word vomit. Karina, having heard just the tail end of your conversation, snaps her head over to the two of you - suddenly becoming an active listener in this doomed interaction.

You’re not sure if your face showed it, the devastation. Maybe you liked Haechan a lot more than even you realized, because at the mention of some random girl he seemingly liked, your stomach felt as if it had been sucker punched by a WWA fighter. You tried your hardest not to wear your heart on your sleeve, just giving a slight nod and a deflated, “oh, that’s cool…”

Yeah, good job with that y/n.

Ningning can see your disappointment, even if she doesn’t understand it. Maybe you’re upset that Haechan didn’t tell you? Of course, why would he tell you - it’s you that he likes. But, you don’t know that, so of course it would upset you. She realizes that she needs to cover her tracks, at the very least so you don’t go moping to Haechan and get her in trouble.

Giselle ends her second to last song and fades into her final and most popular, the crowd screaming while Ningning actively leans in closer to you to make a point to say, “well he likes her but she doesn’t really know so there’s probably not a great chance for them! But you should ask Haechan about it - I mean he’ll definitely tell you because he’s like obsessed with you. NOT IN A WEIRD WAY or anything! Just like..normal obsessed like how people are obsessed with their friends! But like yeah that girl he’s OBSESSED with in a romantic way and he really wants her he talks about her like alll the time..BUT yeah you should ask him if you don’t know because he’ll definitely tell you about it yknow..haha yeah..anyway I’m gonna go get some water BYE Y/N!” And with that, she quickly retreats to the snack table, hitting herself on the head as she realizes she just made things much much worse. With a sigh, you turn back to the concert. Karina gives you a look of confusion, not having heard the last thing Ningning said over the crowd screaming. You shake your head with a small smile, trying to act like it’s all cool, trying to act like your heart isn’t breaking.

Haechan likes someone. He likes a girl and he didn’t even tell you. You’ve gotten to know him so much over the last 6 months, you hang out almost every day and tell each other everything. He’s been in multiple videos now and the fans love him. You eat dinner together all the time and have a tv show that you watch together and get mad at each other if someone watches ahead. Haechan is your everything, and he didn’t even tell you he had a crush on another girl.

Giselle and winter were right, you should have never gotten this involved with him. You should have protected your heart and realized you cannot date your neighbor. There’s so much you should have done, but as you turn your head and lock eyes with his brown gaze - he grins at you in a boyish manner like the both of you have a secret that only you two know - you don’t think it was ever possible to not get this far with him. Haechan has possessed your mind and heart completely, and you let him.

What a stupid crush, y/n.

GG! (Good Game!) 👾

Notes: yay everyone met‼️ guys it’s getting spicccyyyy

☆ Masterlist ☆

Prev ─〇───── Next

⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻

Taglist: @n0hyuck @dudekiss3r @injunnie-lemon @yewshi @222brainrot @dokgrayson @lttlekomori @multifandomania @sunflowerbebe07 @beommii @markeroolee @lionzyon @starfilledgaze @lostinneocity @insaneanddrained @chenlesfavorite @hyucktion @lampcults @nctjunie @oreosareara @stqrgr7 @catpjimin @chan-yeoldelling

<message or comment to be added to taglist; status: open>

[hyunjinners]

✧:･ﾟFlower Wreath → Lee Felix x reader ˚₊· ꒰🌼꒱

꒰ 命 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 ꒱┊ You spend a quiet afternoon with your boyfriend, distracting him from all the difficulties of his career…

꒰ 命 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 ꒱┊Lee Felix x fem!reader

꒰ 命 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄 ꒱┊cute, soft, comfort, established relationship, sweet moments between couple, anxiety, hate (directed by “fans”), happy ending

꒰ 命 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 ꒱┊ Felix is sad, but everything gets better later :)

꒰ 命 𝐖.𝐂 ꒱┊1,2k

꒰ 命 𝐀/𝐍 ꒱┊a short chapter I pulled out of the back of my mind. I hope I can get more random inspiration more often. At the request of a reader, I opened a taglist, so let me know if you want to be on it too! English is not my first language. Have a good read. :)

⊹₊˚ʚ❛masterlist❜ɞ

It was almost 5:00 pm, but you didn't mind still being there. The breeze was cool because of the late afternoon, despite the warm sunlight hitting your faces. His head was resting on Felix's lap, while he rested his back against the trunk of the large tree in the field, a centuries-old oak that was the main attraction of that place.

Having alone time as a couple was essential for the two of you, especially during difficult times. Recently, Felix has been receiving a wave of unnecessary hate for unfounded reasons. Even though he knew he wasn't wrong, Felix still felt sad about disappointing his “fans”.

Taking a moment like this, away from society, is essential for the development of your relationship and self-knowledge. The sound of the country breeze and the soft sounds of rural animals is much less chaotic compared to the chaos of city life. The air is cleaner, the weather is cooler and the sun is gentler. It all makes for a perfect outing.

You look Felix in the eyes, and he returns your gaze with his sweet and typical smile, which is responsible for brightening your days so much. However, today specifically, his smile was not as bright as usual. Sometimes you wonder if the city's pollution is due to the large mass of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere or if it is because of the level of toxicity in the relationships that people have with each other.

Felix was always a ray of sunshine, but even the thickest clouds could overshadow the brightest glow in the sky. You were here to make sure the storm passed quickly, so he could shine radiantly again.

“Do you know why I enjoy these moments with you so much?”

Felix looks away from your face, to look out at the horizon, shaking his head silently. “Why?”

“Because these are moments when you don't need to force a smile to make strangers happy. These are moments when you smile because you feel happy, and if you are happy, then I can be at peace.”

He watches your gaze fondly, gratitude and affection for you written all over his face. Felix has always been understanding and has always been available to be a kind of support for the people he loves. He never had a problem with sharing his burdens with him, but he would never do that to you. Not that he doesn't trust you, but he didn't want to show weakness.

He feels that in order for him to maintain a healthy and stable relationship with people, they don't need Felix's weaknesses to be exposed.

Felix's name has been shared in the media in recent weeks in a not-so-good way. Of course, it was common for small misunderstandings to alarm haters, but it was as if every little gesture he made in front of the media was never right.

He didn't want to seem ungrateful to the true stays who supported him so much, so he just apologized tirelessly even though he hadn't done anything purposeful or truly tragic to make it happen.

You realized this was affecting you when you noticed that your post-workout fatigue and muscle tension weren't entirely linked to physical exertion alone. Felix was mentally and emotionally exhausted. You could see through him the tears he tried to hold back whenever you hugged him, assuring him that you would never leave him.

Planning outings outside of the routine was almost like her job in her relationship with Felix. Taking Felix's focus away from the harsh reality was your goal, you saw this outing as an escape from all his problems, even if only for a few hours.

Of course, you understood his relevant schedule, so you calculated when his next day off would be, asking if he would be available to spend time with you. He didn't deny it, of course, and you felt relieved that he didn't want to stay tucked under the warm covers of his room, lost in self-deprecating thoughts.

You packed his favorite snacks, made a road trip playlist of his favorite songs, and you hit the road. The journey was smooth and the conversation was light, but the feeling of tiredness in his forced smile was palpable.

His heart sank at this.

You arrived early in the afternoon at the desired place, which was green and full of vegetation and had a beautiful lake with some cute little ducks. You tried to distract him as much as possible with your lame jokes and cheesy pick-up lines, which worked for a while.

He wasn't an idiot, he understood what you wanted to do, and he felt extremely guilty about it. He felt like a burden.

Felix closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, his head projecting a question that remained implanted in his subconscious.

“You know you don't have to do that, don't you?” A silence followed his words and he felt like an idiot, thinking you might have interpreted his words as rude.

“... But I want to. I need to.”

“But why? It doesn’t make sense.” Felix’s gaze shone with confusion and anguish. He didn’t understand.

“Because I love you, Felix. I love you. And that's reason enough for you to understand that what I want is only your good. And I feel very sad to see that you are forcing yourself to carry your pain alone. Please don't do this. Talk to me. I want you to talk to me, because when I needed you the most, you were always there for me.”

His speech was quick and euphoric, but not a single word spoken was unusual or in vain.

Love.

It's very strong for him, but he knew it was true, because he also understood that feeling.

He couldn't find answers or contradictions to what he said, so his only reaction was to lean over you, kissing you passionately. The touch of his lips was like a warm blanket over her cold body, a touch of tenderness over her pent-up pains. Felix's kiss was more than a gesture of affection, it was a declaration of loyalty to you alone.

As your lips gently caressed Felix's, you could feel something tickle your feet. You ended up bumping into the basket of flowers that, out of boredom, you had collected to take home. You separated from Felix, thinking that some animal was climbing on you.

Seeing your reaction to the flowers, Felix let out a heartfelt laugh, for the first time in days. You warmed internally at this.

Sitting down, you gathered up the fallen flowers and then noticed something at the bottom of the basket. A daisy wreath that you had made to take some pictures for your Instagram profile.

Delicately, you took the crown in your hands, arranging it on Felix's head. He was confused at first, but felt light as he felt your hands caress his scalp.

“I would even say ‘a flower for a flower’ but I think I’ve already made enough cheesy pick-up lines for today.” He laughs at her comment, wrapping her in his arms, placing a chaste kiss on her forehead..

“Just know that, just like these flowers, having you in my day to day life makes the environment lighter.”

“... Thank you. I love you.” He returns the words you said earlier, a silent promise that he would try to open up more from now on.

ε ї з — like × reblog! by: @hyunjinners ❜ɞ

ε ї з — taglist: @oc3anfloor

[daycourtofficial]

Miss daycourt, do you have any good fic recs for Az specifically? I'm going through it lately (and I've been through the majority, if not all of your masterlist)

-starlitlakes

Hello my love @starlitlakes!! Okay I’ll go through my recent favs as well as some fics I reread all the time

First off @rhysazriel’s plug!Azriel series is so good. Probably my favorite modern interpretation of Azriel and the inner circle.

@illyrianbitch’s One Summer series with Azriel. As well as her series An Education in Malice. Both are fantastic, Rae constantly blows me away. Read her entire masterlist

@knoxic’s Cycle of Greed series!!!

@tadpolesonalgae’s Can’t Bring Myself to Hate You series. So angsty, so good. Her dark!Azriel fics are also 🥵🥵. No one writes dark fics like her, Tabby will always be famous in this house!!

As for ones I reread all the time(and talk about on here constantly):

@prythianpages’s Be Safe and Be Patient follow up. These two mean so much to me

@itsswritten’s three part series Gone. I actually reread this last night and I love it so much (can you tell idiots in love is my favorite trope 🤨)

@pellucid-constellations ‘s Of Oblivious Minds and If It All Fell are both so good. I’ve been reading Kathie’s fics for years and I’m so glad she’s still writing (much less writing for acotar!!) Her entire masterlist is worth a peruse - I really like her recent Line Cook!Az fics. Kathie writes, I’m eating it up immediately.

I think about @imaginesmai’s Right Around the Corner all the time. I adore this story - Azriel has to grow and I love it so much. She also wrote a Breeding Tonic Gone Wrong fic and I LOVED it

@utterlyazriel The Green Emotion this fic is soooooo cute

@azrielhours ‘s Captured this one makes me all tingly inside it is sooooo sweet and Rags’s entire masterlist is perfection

I recommend @assassinsblade’s Forget Me Not series all the time on here FOR GOOD REASON. Heed some trigger warnings tho.

I love @writingcroissant ‘s cute drunk fics they make me so warm inside

I know I’ve talked about it several times but @writingsbychlo ‘s winter series Under the Mistletoe is everything to meeeee as well as the stand alone fic When You Hold Me I LOVE these fics

[fell-contract]

I've been using this platform to vent too much recently but unfortunately y'all gotta listen to one more.

Found out I had to work the weekend of a friend's wedding next month and needed to pull out. I told her we wouldn't be able to make it and somehow it devolved into accusations of ending a friendship. A past roommate of ours who we longer speak with who is in the wedding randomly reached out to my partner to guilt him, claiming he was letting me 'end a 10 year friendship' and it was 'so disappointing'. We haven't talked to this person in three years. I defended him and it resulted in this mutual friend (who had already blocked me after I said we couldn't make it) texting my partner saying I cheat on him and they have receipts and a confession (?). For context, I spent my mid 20's in a haze of prescription meds, alcohol and aforementioned roommate's uppers. Quite frankly there are entire nights I have zero memory of, and I've told my partner anything I'm unsure of that could've happened. I know for a fact I didn't have sex with anyone else because frankly I would've felt it the next day and I had intense fear of penetrative sex for most of my 20's. These friends also know my history with sexual violence that led to this fear. Any 'evidence' would be at least five years old because I stopped prescription medication abuse with the pandemic (not really by choice but the one blessing I take from that nightmare). Basically, I've found myself back in that headspace of shame but also betrayal: these friends never tried to help me, they encouraged the substance abuse and now they're trying to blackmail me with things I apparently did but have no recollection of. I exhausted myself in the shadow of shame for years, and I'm so thankful for the grace my partner has shown me and taught me to finally show myself. We're in a place now where we're open to others in our relationship anyway, but it's the principal of thinking I'd step out on him intentionally without his knowledge that has stuck with me. I feel taken advantage of, both by people I thought were my friends and by the person I was: I had this tendency to put myself in harm's way because I thought I deserved punishment of some kind, so even if I don't remember everything I did I do know it's a small miracle there haven't been greater consequences for my recklessness at that time.

I'm about to celebrate 10 months of sobriety next week. I feel like I've made a lot of progress. It's just hard to know that I'm still that troubled man in their minds who would carry a secret or actively hurt my partner, and they likely spent these years with resentment of which I was unaware. I suppose the takeaway is that sometimes we have to leave people behind, I just hate the idea that I'm so low in someone's estimations that they would think I'm incapable of growing. I apologize for the wall of text but sometimes I just need a sounding board.

💝 Jonathan

[darkfictionjude]

I definitely think there's sexism at play with Nia (although not quite as overt it was with Carmen), people are less forgiving towards female characters across all types of media. Especially ones who aren't humble/modest, morally good, supportive of or even subordinate to male characters (especially if the protagonist is male), conventionally attractive (I know Nia is, but just making the point generally), etc.

But in this specific instance, I think it's also because Nia is the only one with a prior positive relationship with the MC. I could see the MC feeling more strongly about Nia's actions than Lorcan's (who they never had a positive relationship with) and Imre (who they didn't even interact with or care about lol). With Nia, the MC has actually lost something, one of the few positive relationships they had. Maybe the only one if you consider Sally's to be “positive” but unhealthy.

Generally readers tend to feel protective over MCs against characters who hurt them. Sometimes to the extent that isn't viewing the situation fairly/logically, or giving the same grace to other characters as you do for the MC. I've seen authors receive hate over that for characters that are gender selectable too (e.g. Infamous). And this MC is an unreliable narrator and we haven't gotten an explanation from Nia yet or seen what she's seen firsthand, we didn't get a full conversation with her until recently. I think these factors make it harder to judge the situation and easier to view Nia negatively, because as the reader we're missing important pieces of the puzzle right now.

It also could be that what Nia did (distancing herself, ending their friendship, not seeming to care about them anymore (before the end of this chapter)) is something that's more relatable to real life and might even be something people have personally experienced. I see people hate bully characters more than outright murdering villains, because the latter doesn't feel real to most people, whereas there are a lot of people online who have experienced bullying at school. And whilst I understand that Nia doesn't actually like or respect any of that popular group apart from Imre, she's still willingly associating herself with people who are bullying Crown, someone they were friends with for most of their lives.

(I'm saying all this as someone who's looking forward to my MC and Nia rekindling their friendship. But I can understand why some people feel sour towards her, even if her actions are understandable and justified from her perspective. I would probably do the same thing as her tbh, probably even earlier on when she first witnessed a violent outburst. But even if you're being reasonable, your actions/words can still hurt someone else, and I don't think it's unreasonable for that person to feel negatively towards you as a result.)

Like I’ve said many times before I understand the anger over the abandonment, I think it’s extremely valid. My issue is with how the boys are given more grace in everything they do. It just seems hypocritical to be angry at Nia but then coddle the boys as if they’re little babies who don’t understand right and wrong

Imre is friends with those people too, he’s the king of the bully group and even though he doesn’t partake he associates himself with them willingly. Like I really appreciate you writing this all down, and I agree with it it’s just any form of media I’ve always hated how women are held to higher standards than men who are sanctified when all three of them aren’t that great. You want to say “fuck you” to Nia? Good. Deserved from the POV of Crowny. But like there’s no point in twisting the narrative to make it seem that anyone of them is worse than the others when all of them have issues and have not treated Crowny the best

[risingscorchingsuns]

It’s me!! ❤️‍🔥🌟🪲

hey guys!! sorry for no art recently I’ve had NO ideas lmfaoo

but!! as of the last month or two, i’ve been feeling much more confident! I’ve been on T nine months now, and I’m so much more comfortable in my skin 🫶🫶

This portrait represents that newfound confidence. I drew myself as accurately as I could while maintaining my art style- even the parts of me that i haven’t always been too confident about. But lately, even those parts have been in a different light too! I used to hate my hips and especially my stomach, but now they’re just part of what makes me a man. Even if I’m a little squishy, I’m still strong underneath! And my squishiness is sexy anyways! (coughs. same body type as rengoku and laios and they definitely helped LMAO💀)

Being on T has really helped me realize that there are so many things about my body that I love. My tattoos are a joy to me, and a testament to everything I’ve loved, the things that shaped me. My legs are big, sure, but they’re powerful, and they take me where I need to go. I’ve always been glad I got my dad’s broad build, but I’ve been especially happy with it lately. I’m feeling good!! I’m feeling Leon!!! I’m hairy and big and a little squishy and I love it!!! I love the way I am!!

Anyway!! heres a self portrait!! of me, in my own skin, learning to love it a little more each day!! ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

[michsmeesh]

"IF YOU STILL CARE DON'T EVER LET ME KNOW"

i've been having cowboy thoughts again and recently whilst listening to snuff by slipknot i thought of them and. yeah.

its jovier angst time babes!!

[lotus-pear]

bsd fic authors i understand yalls pain SO well right now why is it so fucking HARD to write dazai. like i have a whole fucking spreadsheet dedicated to tireless analysis i have done on my part so i can accurately characterize him but he is such an unpredictable and morally gray character that it's hard knowing his limits and boundaries and where he draws the line for himself.

[sneez]

corvin

[id: two digital drawings of corvus from the video game paladins. he is a pale-skinned young man wearing a red and black caped coat with the collar pulled up over his mouth, and has brown hair with a white streak. the first image is a portrait of him from the shoulders up alongside a full-body drawing. text beside it reads 'guy who really needs to stim but isnt letting himself so hes just standing about looking intensely uncomfortable'. the second image is a full-body drawing of him holding his pistol and knife in an action pose against a background of scenery from the game. overlayed text reads 'I'M JOINING THE WAR AGAINST AUTISM ON THE SIDE OF THE AUTISM'. end id. ]

[artsycooky13]

top 3 fave bbys in the burrito show (bonus SUPER LONG tags on how i feel bout the characters)

[cryolyst]

~

[divinekangaroo]

Finding the Smethwick Corporation Act 1927 being actual legislation which extends the controls and powers of the constituency of Smethwick over that of (parts of) Birmingham

[insert some reaction gif here]

[melto]

my birthday week is like a fight for my fucking life.

[im-still-a-robot]

M. It was impossible to make their name look good 😔

Notes:

- Main outfit based off the orginal skin for them (minus capelet). I might do a better design at a later point but I am out of outfit brain power atm

- They like nicer clothes (like sweaters and button ups) but are often annoyed by the lack of mobility

- Mask only comes off when alone or with people they trust. Their headscarf, on the other hand, is used to protect their hair, so they might take it off in public, but usually only briefly, to adjust it.

- The Moofia was important to them. Even after its effective dissolution, cows were very dear to them. Also cow axe :]

- Prone to annoyance and nervousness in equal measure. An asshole on bad days and tricky bastard on good ones.

Thats mostly it. I am going to be thinking about them for weeks to come <3

Diamond (the fox!) belongs to @twodragonsinatrenchcoat

I genuinely don't remember who the child was- feel free to tell me if you know :]

[homoeroticvillain]

man. maybe i should get anxiety meds