#and i should care more than i do about harming. logically i know i should. but i don't care largely and i barely feel the pain.
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#hm actually that first tag may be triggering or smth so let's get this under the cut#how many tags does it take to do that i wonder#shall we try three and hope they will be enough or#i am very. thoroughly. sick. of wanting to die#it's just so EXHAUSTING guys#usually im more distractable than this but noooo it's been most of today#just there. existing. as a appealing possibility.#doesn't help that i have an imagination neither#so many possibilities! ha. (<- bitter)#tw suicide#tw sh#and i literally lost count of the number of times i harmed today. that hadn't happened yet#i did have two meals today! which probably didn't help the harming situation. but a net win imo#im just. sick of not being normal.#and i should care more than i do about harming. logically i know i should. but i don't care largely and i barely feel the pain.#there was one i thought briefly might send me to hospital but the bleeding did stop with pressure so it was fine#unfortunately one of my regular coping mechanisms/stims (playing the piano a particular song/way/whatever) is apparently becoming a trigger#for harm? i dont know why but this is very inconvenient probably if i care#my brain is a very messed up place to be in at the moment. i wish to check out of it permanently if you please#i did think for a while i might have to call lifeline again but the worst passed#and ha! when my parents ask how im going i am vague adn they think im fine#in reality? i am psychologically drowning and getting stressed over the fact that they rae returning home soon#realistically i will probably be safer as a result but also more stresses on all sorts of different points#woot woot#.....tomorrow's sunday oh no#if im feeling then like i am now i will not be able to go to church because i will not be safe to drive.#joy comes in the morning? i hope?#if i cannot go to church my brother will probably come and stay with me. don't know if i want that or if i don't. would probably entail#telling him about the fact that ive attempted and also been harming. which i keep chickening out of telling him. yay.#if you get this far anyway yes you can probably tell i need prayers.
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I thought I would walk some additional 14 km today and thus burn my accidental lunch (caved into peer pressure and went to a restaurant and had a salad instead of eating my perfectly counted can of tuna) and as such I agreed to go have breakfast with some friends tomorrow to celebrate the end of the excursion.
But I did not walk those 14 km because I wasn't able to get water + I just finished 12 hours of lectures + my arches were killing me + it was raining + I wanted to shower + I wanted to study + I was fucking freezing.
Which means I have to punish myself for my lack of discipline and I also have to make up for the food and that means I CANNOT have that breakfast. In fact I cannot have anything. For 2 days. Just to be sure.
So now I'm trying to figure out what lie I can make up. Currently thinking about saying that I just started to feel really nauseous all of a sudden and as such I unfortunately cannot eat breakfast oopsie. It feels really random and not really believable though.
#god this is so tiring. i wish i wasn't me so i could just live. people don't have to be ideal to earn being tolerated but i do#people don't even have an ideal and there should never be one. but there is one for me and the court of the world expects me to#always fit it. it's a competition and the jury is judging me. I'm constantly trying to win the case. to make the judge rule me innocent#of what I don't know. of everything i suppose.#but it's just exhausting. and I'm not sure if it's more exhausting to just give up and follow whatever the nagging voice says or#if it's more exhausting to fight it. i feel horrible and full of guilt and shame and terror either way so does it really matter?#if i die because my heart gives out or if i die by my own hand?#apparently bulimics have a much higher self-harm percentage but i personally have a tendency to harm my body after i eat#i don't want to do it but i recognise that that's partly exactly why i want to. my emotional torment is probably much more#of a goal than the physical pain. there's a part of me that wants to lead psychological warfare against me#and you know what it's like. it's fine. i accepted that i would die by my own hand a long time ago. I've always said that#i don't know when and that it might be in two decades or a year or a month or a day; but that one day i would go past the breaking#point and kill myself.#i think it's an inevitability of my life and I'm fine with that. someone has to kill themselves. someone has to be that number#in the statistics. there is no reason for it not to be me and if not me it'd be someone else#so it's fine#but yeah it's like...well it's been a run...not sure if a good one...but it's been a run and considering how much i just don't care anymore#i think this time it's really it. and i have a lot of responsibilities so I'm really pissed about it#but listen I'm just exhausted. my every waking thought is plagued by counting and avoiding reflective surfaces and wanting#nothing more than to stare into reflective surfaces for 20 minutes straight and check for every imperfection and irregularity#and check if everything is the same as the day before. i don't know if i should trust my eyes or my emotions or my logic#i don't know which is which. half of my brain power is devoted to making up plausible lies. 'i had a stomach bug earlier'#'im just really nauseous. yea accidentally had lactose earlier.' 'my stomach hurts so i shouldn't eat anything' 'i ate before i came here'#'oh i said i didn't have anything with me? i uhhh i went shopping yesterday evening actually'#i can't focus at all. I'm either too tired or the voice is too loud and too aggressive. i have no idea how I'm going to pass my classes
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Op men when you're pregnant 🍼🍼🍼
Pairings: Op men x f! Reader
Characters: Sanji, Usopp, Zoro, Luffy
Tw: none it's fluffy/ mention of boobs getting bigger
Notes: A lot of pregnant reader being fussed over and protected, if you're looking for an op reader this might not be the fic for you sorry; you're not necessarily married to them in these, except for Sanji; I've already got thoughts for a part two; as always, this is proofread but there may still be mistakes🍼🍼🍼
🍼 Masterlist Angst ver Pt.2
🍼Sanji
We all already know that Sanji's pregnant wife isn't lifting a finger. Your feet wouldn't touch the ground either if it wasn't for the exercises chopper makes you do so your labor will be easier . If you thought he pampered you before, you won't believe how he waits on you when you're having a baby.
"Hey chopper! What's this I hear about y/n having to workout!? My lovely wife is carrying our baby! Just her sitting there looking round and adorable should already be enough!"
Has a huge problem when he finds out about the exercises Chopper prescribed you until he saw just how cute you looked trying to do them. Throws a fit and gushes about how adorable you are until eventually you get frustrated with him( and trying to balance on an exercise ball) and tell him to go away.( He's also not a great influence either cuz he's quick to tell you it's fine to stop when you get frustrated, only for you both to be lectured by Chopper).
Now, Sanji might fuss with Chopper over your little cardio regimens but he takes your diet and the food Chopper recommends very seriously, and it's obvious to everyone on the crew. From how long it takes for it to be time to eat because he's taking extra time to add extra care to your dishes, to the way NO ONE is eating until you get your plate. Not that your crew has any problem with you eating first anyway( even Luffy) but your husband can get carried away and lose track of time. They eventually come up with a plan that always gets Sanji moving. Wait until you get hungry,watch as you stomp into the kitchen, and get ready to eat.
Since we're on food, it's a given that there's no craving that you can conjure up that Sanji won't make into a gourmet dish for you( unless it's something inedible like laundry detergent unfortunately). Sanji is pretty strict with your diet though, and although you don't whine much cuz anything he makes tastes amazing, there are times when you can't help but ask for something deep fried or drowned in ice cream and caramel.
Besides that though,Sanji pretty much gives you whatever you want.You are always right during your pregnancy, no matter how irrational or illogical you're being, and that's because you are getting absolutely no logic from your man. It can be asking him to get you golden cheese from the moon as a craving or telling him that the jar you can't open is plotting against you. To Sanji you can do no wrong while you're carrying you twos baby(not that you can ever do wrong in his eyes anyway)
I feel like this is a given of course but Sanji is super overprotective of you while you're pregnant,even more than usual. Always keeping an eye on you and checking on you, or asking another crewmate to look over you if he can't. It's even worse for him during a fight. Is it safer to keep you close to him the entire time or should he leave you somewhere "safe"? Is that somewhere safe, safe enough? What if someone targets you once he leaves? There's not a peaceful moment for Sanji as long as there's a threat anywhere within a hundred miles of you and because of this Sanji frets over you relentlessly during a fight. Everyone knows it would be different if you were in your original state and could defend yourself like always, but because you aren't, you don't complain when Sanji frets over you 24/7. Simply because you know that no one would hurt more than Sanji if any harm should come to you or the baby when he wasn't around to protect you.
On a fluffier note! Sanji sings to you and the baby
Late at night, when most of the crew have turned in for bed and you two(three) are the only ones left in the kitchen. He'll make you your favorite snack ,prop your feet up, and sing to you while he finishes cleaning up the kitchen. You usually drift off to sleep, and Sanji, always carries you back to your bedroom.
***🍼***
🍼Usopp
Usopp likes to dress you up, specifically in…
Overalls. He wants to see your pregnant belly in overalls.
There is nothing cuter to him. Of Course he wouldn't actually ask you to put on the jean ones, but the huge, fabric overalls that come in a variety of colors?? Yes please. Maybe it's because he enjoys wearing overalls himself but there's something about the pockets and the look itself that gives him serotonin. He likes to see you in any of the clothes he either bought or made with you in mind really. His feelings do get hurt sometimes though because as much as you appreciate him and as lovely and comfortable as the clothes are, sometimes the most comfortable outfit to you is a baggy shirt and a pair of his boxers. He'll pout but low-key, he thinks you look good in that too.
He talks to your belly all the time. He finds it fun, especially when he feels a kick. He likes to pretend that the baby is reacting to his story, even if he knows they might just be stretching or something. Besides, we all know that Usopp never misses a chance to tell an impressionable mind an outlandish story about his past. So who better to tell his tales to than his unborn baby? Get this though, despite the amazing adventures he's been on and how incredible his skills actually are now, he tells made up stories anyway. The stories are more precious to him this way, almost like a gift for his unborn child. A story no one else has heard(Besides you anyway lol).
Usopp is building baby stuff the moment Chopper tells you both you're pregnant, like for real sketching up designs that same night. He's discussing room floor plans with Franky, he's picking out fabrics for toys and paint for walls, and asking you if the baby should have a crib or a bassinet. It's low-key a stress reliever for him. There are plenty of times when you'll wake up in the middle of the night, to use the restroom or get some water, and you'll notice the light on in his workshop. Usopp Is always super careful not to wake you up whenever he does this, so you usually never notice, but whenever he can't sleep he goes to his workshop. So ever since you two have been expecting, whenever he can't seem to get some rest,he crafts things for the baby. You usually choose to sleep on the bed in there with him when you find him like this,even if he encourages you to sleep where it's more comfortable( you always wake up in his arms in your guy's bed anyway though)
Usopp would never let anything hurt you while you're vulnerable like this, and there's no fight he'll lose if you're behind him. Unlike Sanji, Usopp has no problem deciding if he'll stay behind with you and watch over you that way, or entrust you to another crewmate and do his job somewhere else. He'd much rather you stay on the Sunny rather than venturing onto the island where the danger is, and as much as he trusts his crew with your safety, he'd just be thinking about you the entire time if he left you. If push comes to shove and his role is crucial, he'll leave you with chopper or Nami or even on your own, and trust that you'll keep yourself hidden. It's not going to stop him from panicking the entire time though.
He makes it very obvious just how excited he is to welcome your new child into the world. If it wasn't evident with how much he was preparing for the arrival, how much he talks about it definitely gives it away. He's always talking about the kinds of things he'll teach them,the plants he'll show them( He's already started propagating some cuttings from his favorites), and just how incredible it is that you can carry an entire tiny person inside you like this, a part of both of you.
"It's just so fascinating that you can carry human life like this!" Usopp happily tells you one day as you sit with him while he tends to his plants outside.
"You're really incredible honey, you know that!?" He says before turning to you with a precious smile, one that makes you glad to be sharing parenthood with him.
***🍼***
🍼Zoro
Will wake up and get things for you in the middle of the night no matter how late it is. Food, water, another pillow, another blanket, it doesn't matter. It takes a little effort to wake him up but he always will.
" Zoro?....... Zoro! Baby!" You whisper as you shake him
" Hunh!? Hm?" Zoro'll sputter and sit up on his elbows.
You'd think because of Zoro's sharp instincts, he'd wake up as soon as you need him right? And he would. If you were in any danger. Someone attacking the ship? He's up in a heartbeat. A particularly intense storm? He's up before you are. You about to pee the bed? He's awake and running you to the bathroom, but unless it's something of that nature, Zoro sleeps like a rock. He just has a sort of sensor in his sleep that differentiates emergencies from minor things, and if it's a minor thing your gonna have to darn near slap his a** to get him to wake up.
Zoro may seem like he doesn't fuss over you but he does, a lot. Someone on the outside looking in might think that Zoro doesn't pay much attention to you, judging by the relaxed way he's resting on deck, but really all his attention is tuned towards you. It's always been, but since Chopper found out that you were pregnant( you two didn't even realize for a few weeks), he's been extra attentive. Noticing changes in your tone when speaking, even if it's just playful banter between you and one of the crew, or changes in your mood at all. Always giving you looks that silently ask if you're tired or if you're ready to leave. It's as if he always knows exactly what you need, almost before you do. All it takes is a single glance and he understands what you're trying to tell him. Not even just when you're uncomfortable or tired, even if you're hot or hungry. Zoro will suddenly be over with an umbrella or loudly asking sanji when it's time to eat( which always ends in a fight because Sanji was already on top of it). It might just be his observation haki but sometimes it feels like something more special than that.
Zoro doesn't talk to your belly much. He'll tell you it feels awkward and he never knows what he's supposed to say but won't admit that it's actually because the first time you guys tried it, his deep voice startled your baby( you both literally saw the jump) and he's been secretly sulking ever since. It's also a little weird for him to talk to the baby because well, you're sitting there. You always reassure him that you're not listening but he knows you are, and that if he says anything that you deem cute, you'll never drop it. So yeah, he doesn't talk to your belly much. During the day anyway. What no one knows is that Zoro talks to your belly all the time after you fall asleep. Complaints about his crewmates, how luffy almost got them all killed today,how pretty he thought you looked today, and how much he looks forward to their arrival.
It didn't really compute to him that you guys are really going to have a tiny version of yourselves until your stomach starts to show. He doesn't notice it right away but one day you lifted your shirt after your short workout session( you decided to do it in the crow's nest with Zoro) and he saw just how tight and dome shaped your stomach looked. He only realized then, that a person was really growing in there. After that, he was pretty intrigued by how he could look away and next thing he knew, your stomach was that much bigger( that and *ahem* other things). He never told you of course but you eventually found out because Zoro kept making sure he was present whenever you changed clothes. That and he's always stroking your belly whenever you both are just chilling, nowadays he doesn't even realize he's doing it until he feels the kicks against his palm.
If you ever start to feel insecure about not being able to fight with your crew( once you get too big to move swiftly) Zoro is quick to reassure that it's alright to sit back and let him and the crew handle everything for now.
" No one here doubts just how capable you are, but that's not important now. There's someone in this crew that needs you more." Zoro tells you in a stern voice as he stands in front of you.
" So let me handle this alright?" He'll also say softly.
***🍼***
🍼Luffy
Luffy talks and interacts with your belly as if your baby is already here. There's times when you actually kind of feel like a third wheel between your captain and your unborn child, and with the enthusiastic kicks and nudges you feel in response, you're justified in thinking your baby feels the same way as their dad. Besides the quick kiss he gives you before their conversation and the kiss he gives you after, there's no other indication that he acknowledges you're there( except when he mentions you).
He likes to do things like carry you around on his shoulder and describe the view to your baby when you all are about to dock on a new island because they can't see it. He also checks on you when everyone is hanging out on deck, stopping to press kisses on your cheek and tummy, or ask how you're doing and if the baby is kicking a lot( he finds it fascinating) and at night he likes to talk about his day to the two of you while laying a little of his weight on you.
Luffy had to learn to be more gentle with you now. No more flinging back to the ship with you, no more accidentally crashing into you, no more dragging you onto crazy islands he's intrigued by. He realized this for the first time when he went for a hug and your belly pressed into his and forced him to pause. It didn't take Nami to slap him in the head or Sanji to kick him. He just realized that it's not just you two anymore,there's three of you now and the smallest one depends solely on the both of you. After that he began to be more gentle with you and think just a little more about his actions.
Luffy hates it when you start to get upset, and no,not because he thinks it's annoying. He just hates for you to want for anything, especially food. You'll never get hungry as long as you have luffy around because he's always checking if you are. At first you thought it was an excuse to get more food out of Sanji, but when Luffy passed his plate to you and made sure you ate first during dinner for the first time, you knew he genuinely cared.He always encourages you to eat as much as you want too, his words always being
" It's OK! You're eating for two now!"
Of course you can't actually eat as much as Luffy thinks you should( his standards are insane) but you appreciate just how much he wants you to be happy and well-fed.
As much as Luffy likes to see you eating, he actually takes the diet Chopper gave you pretty seriously. What you thought would be late nights of sneaking into the kitchen( after bribing him with promises of letting him have some) were actually nights full of cuddles and sleepy scolding about how ' Chopper said you can't have that'. You figured it'd be pretty easy to convince luffy to help you cheat on your diet but he's pretty diligent, not wavering no matter how complain or hang on to him and instead giving you a teasing laugh and kiss. Now of course, Luffy can't actually stop you from getting a treat and he wouldn't try, if you were dead set on it, but there's something about Luffy being responsible for your sake that makes you want to be responsible too. That and the proud hugs and kisses he gives you when you resist the temptation of a sweet treat.( Luffy definitely asks Sanji to make something special but that's good for you too,though)
When it comes to your safety, unlike the other boys on this list, Luffy has absolutely no problem leaving you with the others because he knows all of them would protect their pregnant crewmate with their lives. He doesn't even mind leaving you on your own. Luffy just kind of knows when he should and shouldn't leave you alone, and if he has a feeling you'll be safe from harm, he'll leave you with a light heart. He doesn't even ask you to keep yourself safe, instead he holds you close, presses his forehead to yours, and promises that he'll stay safe, and that he'll be back for the both of you soon.
A/n: I finally finished this one, it took me way longer than I planned, but when you're a master procrastinator it gets a little difficult to write everyday. I've already thought about some head cannons for Kidd with pregnant reader, so there'll definitely be a part 2 to this. Yaaaay, I finally posted one piece content again. Thanks for reading🍼🍼🍼
#one piece#one piece fic#one piece fluff#one piece x reader#usopp x reader#zoro x reader#luffy x reader#sanji x reader#monkey d luffy#sniper king usopp#roronoa zoro#sanji vinsmoke#luffy x black reader#sanji x black reader#zoro x black reader#usopp x black reader#usoppsstars fatherhood series
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thinking about android sunday. :)
android sunday who is programmed to have your best interests in mind at all times. every aspect of you is his priority. your health, your well-being, your happiness, your safety, etc. he serves his purpose well (sometimes a little too well). you've told him before he doesn't need to go so overboard. like when you've been sitting at your desk for too long, so focused on your work, and he gently coaxes you out of the chair, helping you up and nudging you around the house to get some exercise. you'll do that eventually. he doesn't have to babysit you.
or when he makes note of specific changes in your hormones, much to your embarrassment at times. announcing to your guests or even a date you're having over how your endorphin levels have increased significantly and your heart rate has increased ever so slightly, indicating happiness and anxiety. and you have to hurriedly push him into the next room or demand he return to his charging station, babbling about how you don't need him to announce your vitals to everyone! >_< these things should be kept private.
sunday is here to make your life easier, so he cleans the house when you're out. he cooks when you're too exhausted to do so, and now he insists on it. after all, you need to prioritize your health more. please relax while he cooks your favorite, every recipe downloaded and saved in a vast database. you're glad to have an extra set of hands around the house because sometimes life gets busy and you just don't have the time for cooking or cleaning. sunday will look after you as he always does.
sunday assesses everything based on the risk it may have towards you and your well-being. perhaps he is willing to allow you to have one extra sweet after dinner because it will make you happy, and he finds he quite enjoys the sight of your smile. friends or loved ones who hurt you and cause you any sort of suffering are risks he refuses to let into your life. sunday does well to clean up the messes they leave. an ex's belongings serve no purpose in your precious home, so he will dispose of them posthaste.
and you were grateful for him and his help. you really were, but now it's starting to become...excessive. he fusses over you too much. it's too...controlling. obsessive. care taken to extremes.
sunday refuses to remind you of important dates and events scheduled on your calendar solely because he's so certain he knows what is best for you. sometimes he doesn't even schedule the events when you tell him to. a date with a stranger is no good; you don't need that kind of connection when he is more than willing to provide it. that friend who has been trying to make amends with you, inviting you to lunch? also a risk. why are you asking him to order such...revealing clothes? surely you do not intend to open yourself up to potential harm? these clothes will only invite the worst of scum. as such, he takes it upon himself to place orders for modest fashion only. taking measures to dress appropriately not only increases your chances of leaving a positive impression, but they also draw the right people your way. sensible people.
you keep telling sunday to just do as you say. he should not make these decisions based on all of that stuffy logic. "there are some things—human things—that you'll never understand, so please have more faith in me. i know what i'm doing. i can take care of myself," you tell him, but sunday does not like that.
it is his duty to look after you. if he thinks you're making poor choices, the job falls to him to correct your mistakes. he is here to make sure you're happy and safe, and under his care and supervision you will be. no one else can provide that for you. not even you!
it is sunday who can hum and sing you to sleep. it is sunday who plays piano for your guests when you wish to be classy and impress them. it is sunday who tracks your health and reminds you to take your medicine or vitamins. it is sunday who tailors his methods based on your needs. it is sunday who saves recipes that will be beneficial for your health. it is sunday who downloads new resources to better improve your life. you, you, you. always you. forever you. he is for you, and you are for him.
it is sunday who is slowly shaping himself into what he feels is the ideal partner for you. you have taught him lots about humans and he puts all of it into practice, even if the approach may come off as awkward or unnatural. he will make efforts to learn more, to store more data on humans and their bonds, just so he can please you.
no matter what happens, you must never forget that he is here to help you, not harm you—never harm you.
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It’s very telling with this fandom that you all believe Vi should be Jinx’s caretaker and ignore her own needs, and desires for the sake of chasing after a person who just doesn’t want to be helped. In addition, shielding her from the consequences of her own actions.
Vi has spent all of season 1 basically ignoring all of the horrific shit Jinx has done because she’s only ever wanted her sister back. When she found out Jinx was murdering people, ripping families apart, and intentionally harming her as well through Caitlyn(which is a whole thing in its own that I’ve already spoken about), what did she do? She literally promised Jinx that they could leave it all behind and run away together. Does that sound like Vi didn’t care or accept Jinx because I’m getting the opposite?
Jinx has never actually seen Vi as her own individual person. I’d actually go as far as to say she sees her more as a possession. Think about her issues with Caitlyn, they go farther than her just being an enforcer. She sees Vi as someone that should only prioritize and look to her for every thing. No one wants to speak about how Jinx treats Vi in the most despicable ways because y’all are either still hellbent in believing Vi “abandoned” her and chose Caitlyn over her, which is simply not true, or have your own issues with parentified individuals in your lives. And when Vi gets to her breaking point with the girl, as she should considering she’s killed the mother of the woman she loves, it’s a problem.
Vi became an enforcer to avoid a full scale invasion of Zaun that was going to do more damage than what came from the decades—centuries of hatred already. she became an enforcer to prevent Caitlyn from losing herself even more, and be there to subdue and stop Jinx. Now personally, from what we’ve seen in the show, I don’t believe Vi was ever truly on board with killing Jinx. However, with hearing Caitlyn say either one of them was going to come back in a box, yeah she was going to step in to be there and prevent the situation from escalating. She is torn between the two people in her life that she loves so deeply and feels an immense responsibility for. It’s important to realize that Vi is not going to be perfect. Her choices are not always going to satisfy everyone because it’s simply impossible.
And skipping to the infamous prison scene, logic really seems to be out the door with you people. Vi, even gravely injured and coming off of being on death’s doorstep rushes to Jinx side, once again trying to help the girl and convince her that she can be good—do good. Hell, if Jinx asked Vi would’ve at least considered leaving Piltover and Zaun all together after the war if possible (who knows really beside Vi, but we’ve seen the lengths Vi is willing to go for Jinx). What does Jinx do? She severs the string connecting Vi and her because she knows Vi would never stop fighting for her. “You’re never gonna give up on me,” is what she says before LOCKING Vi in the cell and leaving. Once again, it’s forgotten that all Vi knows about Jinx is that she’s a runner, she leaves when things get too rough. There was no way Vi was going to be one hundred percent certain of her sister’s intentions and even if she was, what was she supposed to do? Search high and low in Zaun for Jinx knowing that when she doesn’t want to be found she won’t be? Ridiculous.
Jinx told her to go to Caitlyn, stop being responsible for her, and for once choose herself and she did. And I won’t sit here and let people say that Vi didn’t deserve it because if it’s one thing she deserves, it is to be loved and cared for.
#arcane#arcane vi#caitlyn arcane#caitlyn kiramman#arcane league of legends#powder arcane#arcane jinx#caitvi
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dr ratio vs. the genius society | an analysis
this'll also be a comparison between ruan mei and dr. ratio so warning for that one too, just in case.
i saw this post by @chronical-lover
and firstly, i just want to say thank you, especially about mentioning how aeons don't care about humans because youre so right. i wanna expand a little bit on the comparison between his character and the genius' that we've met this far.
ratio ultimately failed to be recognized not because he wasn't smart enough, but because he was too human. he's human first, scientist second. he'll always be human first, he doesn't have it in him to act without emotions no matter how much he wants logic to dictate his every move. his entire character is that he believes every one has a human right to be alive, to learn and to grow. he's there to guide them, not necessarily in the nicest way, but still.
i think contrasting him with ruan mei in the story quest was a perfect idea. when you meet ruan mei, she's kind. she makes the trailblazer feel comfortable, even for just a little bit. she offers companionship, tea, and a conversation. but she does not care about the trailblazer or her creations, something painfully obvious in her actions. when the trailblazer was facing up against ruan mei's failed attempt to make a replica of the emanator of propagation, ruan mei was no where to be found. but you know who was, just in case he had to step in ? veritas ratio. even though both knew that the replica wasn't likely to hurt the trailblazer, ratio was there.
" since you're here, i won't intercede. but should you fail, i will be forced to prevent some avoidable misfortunes "
( i hate this man so much )
but he was there. he witnessed the fight, and once the threat was over, it was time to get going ( his words, not mine ). he was there to witness you fight, and should he had needed to, he would've stepped in to prevent us from any actual danger. however, when we approach ruan mei after the fight, and we look reasonably upset from her, we don't get an actual apology. she says she regrets her actions, but her words aren't actually about putting us in danger. she was upset that her experiment fell short, that she had made another predictable outcome.
" you look.. upset, correct ? i regret my actions. there's no defending what i've done. time and again, my experiments have fallen short, and they've always yielded predictable results. i made a clone but it.. doesn't hold a candle to the emanator. "
she did say that she would be there if the danger proved to be too great, but she was not. veritas, however, was. both of them said that they would step in if needed, but only one of them was actually in a position to do so. only one of them took preventative measures to make sure that you were safe from harm. and that is not the genius ruan mei, no matter what her words say.
ruan mei has a flowery way of speaking. not to say that she necessarily minces her words, she's upfront about a lot of things. but she lures the trailblazer into a false sense of security. she's introspective, and questions her own actions a lot. but she's never apologetic about the way that her actions put other people in danger, just that they don't yield the results she wants.
ratio, however, is curt. we meet him originally as a brooding, mysterious figure. he's mean, he doesn't use a lot of words to get his point across. he says what he means, and he's a fan of effective communication. he doesn't have to worry about himself, he knows who he is and how is actions affect himself and the people around him, and that leads to people assuming that he's egotistical ( which he might be , a little bit. as a treat ) but the reality is that ratio cares more about the people around him that he'll ever let on.
and that's where he fails. that's the fundamental difference between him and those within the genius society. ruan mei, herta, screwllum, and the other geniuses do not care about anything other than results. and yet ratio is kind. he's inherently kind, his actions are all for other people. he's saved a dozen worlds with his inventions. he's a scholar within the intelligentsia guild, and a doctor saving his patient's lives every single day. he wants to guide people from the shadows towards the right answer, he wants to make them use their brains and think.
he does not act without considering other people. he can't be a genius first, and a human second. and that's where he fails to gain nous' recognition. it's not that he's not not intelligent enough to be a genius, it's that even in his pursuit of knowledge, he has not forgone his humanity.
and perhaps, in nous' eyes, that's the difference between the mediocre and the genius. to erase every part of you, your emotions, your empathy, your humanity, in the pursuit of knowledge is what separates a genius from the masses. not having those barriers allows you to really dig deep into subjects that would otherwise be considered taboo or dangerous, because you don't care about how the outcome affects people as long as you can study it. as long as you can get answers out of what you're studying, it doesn't really matter what the test subjects are feeling.
ratio is too human, too caring, to ever be considered a genius in nous' eyes.
#dr ratio#honkai star rail#honkai sr#star rail#dr ratio hsr#veritas ratio#genius society#ruan mei#herta#hsr#screwllum#analysis post#character analysis#media analysis#discussion#i think he's too kind#kind in the sense that he will care about your wellbeing in a very#ratio way#i love him#and it makes me irrationally angry when people write his character off as a narcissistic asshole#because hes far from it#sorry you cant take a character who doesnt dance around the subject
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Anti-ism is psuedoscience and a moral panic rolled into one
One of the most dangerous things about therapyspeak leaving the intended audience is that now antis feel fully qualified to tell survivors how they should and should not be coping, even to the point of attempting to override/contradict the advice of certified therapists.
I've had antis tell me the fiction I enjoy writing is retraumatizing myself, that I am doing harm by writing it; when I responded that actually, my therapist signed off on the stories I wrote (even when I mentioned the specific phrase "consensual nonconsent"), they said that my therapist doesn't know what she's talking about since she sanctioned my coping mechanism and explicitly labels her practice as kink-positive. Antis are attempting to make me, a survivor with mental illness that could ultimately be fatal if I leave a psychologist's care, disregard the advice of the medical professional supervising me when they have no certification at all. This could, if I were a more vulnerable person, be dangerous for not only my trust in my therapist, but it could sabotage my treatment as well.
They are using what amounts to little more than memes, based on misinformation, that use a few intelligent-sounding phrases that very rarely apply the way they think they do, as a wedge to attempt to assert themselves as authorities who can, with certainty, dictate the appropriate course of treatment for a total stranger, including telling them to disregard the therapies administered by a trained professional.
In other words? Antis are frighteningly similar to anti-vaxxers, who took medical terminology they didn't understand, applied it to shaky cause-effect logic models, started a moral panic, used statements generated by that moral panic as a citogenesis-fueled proof their initial starting of the moral panic was justified, damaged the doctor-patient relationship of millions of total strangers, jeopardized the healthcare of those strangers who now believed their doctor to be incompetent for following accepted medical best practice, and fomented dangerous fringe political ideologies that coupled themselves to other conspiracies based on rejecting commonly-acknowledged practices.
"Vaccines cause autism! Narrative therapy that implements any form of controversial kink causes retraumatization of the writer, reader, or both, and starts the writer on an inescapable slippery slope to becoming an abuser themself! It's better to be dead than autistic! It's better to suffer feelings of shame and/or isolation in silence than it is to use fiction to put a voice to your feelings! Your child is vaccine-damaged from thimerosal and is getting sick from virus-shedding! Your fiction caused me to groom myself and you're a porn-addicted monster for not facing your trauma the proper way! Your doctor doesn't know what's good for you, I do! Only I understand how your body/mind work and what treatment is appropriate for you! Your doctor has been manipulated by Big Pharma/kink supporters! The empirical-study-informed best practices for pediatrics/psychology are what's wrong, not me, whose research is carefully informed by TikTok videos and Twitter posts carefully formulated to cause amygdalar growth to keep me afraid so I will continue to engage with fear-mongering content that causes my politics to shift towards the alt-right, who coincidentally also push narratives based in fear, not in medicine! I am being perfectly logical here!"
Antis fundamentally reject empirical medicine just the way anti-vaxxers do. They just seem to get a free pass on it since it's "only" mental healthcare they are sabotaging, and few people acknowledge it as something as legitimate and lifesaving as other medical care.
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Heart and Mind: An Analysis of Tripitaka
I've been wanting to write this since…since I came across some good ol' Tripitaka discourse in the LMK fandom ages ago. Couldn't remember the specifics, but as y'all probably know, it falls under the "Is him an abusive master" and people's strongly worded retort to that question.
On one hand, I dislike the "abusive" take because so often, it is an excuse to reduce a character to an 2D caricature for cheap angst purposes, and both JTTW and its historical context deserve more nuances than that.
On the other hand, I don't agree with some of the defenses either——that Tripitaka is Kind and Wise and The Virtuous Monk, Actually, and people who said otherwise just had their views colored by adaptations, or were ignorant westerners misreading the book.
Because trust me, Chinese readers absolutely have gripes with Tripitaka too, and sass him mercilessly.
We may have a better idea of the historical context, namely, the common usage and acceptance of corporal punishments, but quite a few of us don't think he's a good Buddhist either.
Instead, I'd like to focus on his allegorical role, and how it ultimately forms the basis for my interpretation of his character.
It is commonly acknowledged that each pilgrim represent an aspect of the enlightenment seeker: Monkey is the Mind, Dragon Horse the Will, Pigsy the Desire, Sandy the Determination/Ideation.
Tripitaka is either the enlightenment seeker as a human, or the Heart, the Compassion.
But how can someone represent Compassion when his behaviors don't look all that compassionate, when he seems to care more about what a good Buddhist looks like on paper than in spirit?
How can a compassionate man punish his disciple with a migraine spell and disown him twice, be okay with some violence but not others?
Well, to answer that question, I feel like you have to look at Tripitaka in conjunction with SWK, and what the monkey represents. He is literally the Mind Monkey, the boundless potential of human intellect, and that, by itself, is neutral.
In the word of one of the best poems in JTTW:
"He could be good; he could be bad; present good and evil he could do at will. He'd be an immortal, a Buddha, if he's good; wickedness would cloak him with hair and horn."
To put it simply, SWK is one's wits, one's problem-solving skills, the ability to discern good and evil on a cognitive level.
Whenever Tripitaka, the Compassion, is deceived, it falls to the Mind to see the opponents as they are, and take action to protect the human from harm.
But just as blind compassion without judgement can be exploited by evil, the reverse is true for a mind without compassion, driven solely by their own ambition and whims and practical knowledge.
The Mind knows that robbery is a crime, so these robbers deserve death, but has no idea how disturbing it is for a regular guy to witness six people being brutally murdered in front of him.
The Mind knows that abandoning your wife and family to become a bandit is shameful and unfilial, but cannot comprehend why the bandit's father may not want his son killed for these offenses.
The Mind knows right and wrong, but has trouble seeing the human behind those acts, and why one should care in the first place.
And to see what the Mind looks like without any of Compassion's restraint, one needs to look no further than SWK's "Second Mind", the Six-eared Macaque.
Just like how "Heart" sounds like a lame power for a character, Compassion isn't flashy, nor as useful in a strictly ultilitarian sense. In fact, having compassion makes you vulnerable. It hurts. And unscrupulous people will absolutely use it against you.
So why hold onto your weakness and wallow in it? The world doesn't need another sanctimonious wuss, it needs strong, clever people making hard sacrifices, ruthless, logical decisions! Tough up! Stop caring, and you'll never be hurt again!
Much like a certain crowd who think basic human decency is somehow political propaganda, perhaps, when SEM struck Tripitaka, he was trying to do the same thing.
Kill the embodiment of compassion, the sniveling, useless, fragile human that keeps holding SWK back. Replace him as the true Mind, the one strong enough to break all bonds and seize glory with his own two hands.
But without compassion, without humanity, one is no longer a whole person, and cannot reach enlightenment. In fact, just like how Buddha would only give the True Scripture to Tripitaka, if you are not brave enough to make yourself vulnerable, to suffer and feel other's suffering, you will never transcend it.
At best, you can have some pale imitations of the parts you have willingly shut out from yourself.
And that's what SEM does. He thought he could do it on his own, singlehandedly replace SWK and reap the benefits of enlightenment, but he is no Monkey Awakened to Emptiness.
He is just empty; cut off desires because it is base, cut off determined ideation because it is foolish, cut off compassion because it is weak, cut off the altruism and curiosity and creativity from the mind, and you are left with a grand total of NOTHING.
A shadow of a self, desperately clinging onto external validation and stolen stories, reading the pilgrim's travel paperwork out loud as if that would actually make the journey his.
Tripitaka needs to trust SWK and learn from him, because compassion, much like good intention, doesn't solve problems on its own, and mercy is not the same as enabling harm.
SWK needs his master's guidance, because even at his most selfish and impulsive, he cares, and only by extending that care to others and accepting the vulnerability that comes with it can he truly mature and become awakened to the ultimate truth.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
One last bit of ramble: I feel like there is something to be said about Tripitaka's tendency to trust Pigsy, and how the pursuit of enlightenment is often derailed by worldly desires.
Unlike the demons they encountered, however, Pigsy is not the personification of mental obstacles that must be destroyed, because you cannot destroy bodily needs, nor the very human tendencies to slack off and avoid trouble.
You should stop listening to its advice, sure. Poke fun at it, absolutely. But what Pigsy represents is part of the human condition, just like every other pilgrim, and also something one must make peace with.
#journey to the west#xiyouji#jttw#tripitaka#tang sanzang#sun wukong#six eared macaque#pigsy#zhu bajie#character analysis#lego monkie kid
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Hey - I have a question I'm curious about. I'm somewhat new to this discourse, though I agree with most posts on your blog. I saw another post a while ago saying that transandrophobia shouldnt be its own term, that it's just transphobia. They specifically brought up that there isn't a male-specific term for racism or homophobia either. And while this kinda rubs me the wrong way, I honestly can't figure out how to formulate a good retort and am starting to think they may be right. I'd be curious to know how you'd respond to this argument.
Just because there are not currently comparable versions for other marginalized men, does not mean transandrophobia shouldn't be used. Like... what even is the logic there? We can only invent a new term if similar terms already exist?
People are, in fact, talking about the intersection of racism and patriarchal views of men (which some call misandry). Homophobia also intersects with this, as does ableism. These are already conversations that exist, and have for a while especially in the case of Black and Brown men. Especially in spaces where transandrophobia is discussed. It's very very common for us to discuss the intersectional experiences of other marginalized men, especially when those men are also trans. So again... what's the logic here? People who believe in transandrophobia tend to also believe that similar concepts exist for other men and should be discussed. Even going by the logic in #1, this only provides support for transandrophobia existing.
The intersections involved in transandrophobia are not exactly the same as the intersections involved in, say, racism towards Arab men. Because with transandrophobia or transmisogny, the intersection ism't between two different kinds of identitites. It's between different gender identities. Even IF we agree that "misandronoir" isn't a real thing (which is to say, the term doesn't describe a useful concept), the way transness intersects with other gender identities isn't the same. And trans men very clearly do experience gender marginalization, and in many statistical areas are more at risk for certain experiences than cis women, and sometimes even trans women. And trans men are very clearly impacted on interpersonal and systemic levels by misogyny, and transphobia, AND they are doubly affected by the intersection of the two. Examples include experiencing period poverty while also not being able to access support services for that because of your transmasculinity, experiencing corrective rape for being trans and then not being able to access abortion care because of misogyny (and not being able to access support for this because trans), or getting married and pregnant young and never being socially or financially independent enough to ever explore your gender or realize transitioning was an option. So I think it's fair to say that transmasculine people experience unique issues and that it benefits us while harming no one to use unique words to facilitate conversation and activism.
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Reading your head canon, I am surprised that each Murder agreed to work with Nightmare instead of a duel to death and be passively aggressive instead of fully aggressive and non-compliant, and use any knowledge of Nightmare and Killer to hit them where it hurts. Since Nightmare cannot destroy AUs like Error, Murder's only fear would be his own death, not due to the pain, but because of his own self-penance to haunt Dusttale alone and stop the human. Like when he is "recruited" by Nightmare or as you mention in your head canon, brought back by Killer, I would still think Murder would make sure the fights either end with his win or his death. After all, Murder values his autonomy and freedom. Because even if Murder is an adaptive, intelligent tactician, he is still a mortal compared to Nightmare, he would realize he has reached a dead end, so death is the only option, compared to working with two people that remind of the human that he hates. Well, the only reason I see Murder pretending to be compliant is to probably plan a betrayal and join Dream, as Dream is the only weapon against Nightmare, maybe even try to train him, because he doesn't care about Dream, but Nightmare is as bad or worse than the human, so by Murder's logic, he should be put down. Otherwise he has no ability to travel home or power to harm Nightmare, so as mentioned above death is the only other option. Over all, it could be argued that every Murder!Sans has a lot of reasons to defy or fight Nightmare, even if it causes his death. Plus I still think Murder vs Killer wouldn't be so one sided for Killer, since Murder, as Sans spent more time improving his skills during the resets compared to the loads Killer, as Sans spent fighting Chara over and over. So beside loading, I still think Murder might have an edge in battle experience and intelligence.
The ask Anon is referring to for context <33
Oh Murder was not compliant, not at all Anon, in fact, that’s exactly why I think Murder gets replaced the most, it’s because of how non-compliant he is, I don’t think Murder would ever agree to join the gang, I never said he would
You’ll notice I only talked about his passive aggressiveness with Killer specifically in the Murder Time Trio ask, and in fact, do talk about how Murder would pry into Killer’s private matters all just to piss him off, I never went on about Murder’s relationship with Nightmare in depth
And I didn’t go in depth cause the previous ask was for the Murder Time Trio as a whole, and their relationship with each other, so I couldn’t just talk about Murder in depth or in much detail as I wanted cause otherwise I would’ve absolutely diverted from the main point of that ask
But now that I have this beautiful ask I can actually go in depth as much as I want >:)
And you’re absolutely right that Nightmare can’t destroy AUs, the most Nightmare could do is lay waste to the Au, but Dusttale is already a wasteland so nothing much Nightmare could do there, that’s exactly why I say that Murder would try his luck and run back to his Au (and continue on doing it over and over), and it’s exactly why I say that Nightmare struggles with controlling Murder the most, cause Nightmare has no true power over him mentally, Murder doesn’t care about dying by Nightmare’s hand and he knows he could try his luck as much as Nightmare’s patience allows
Murder would definitely perfer death over being under Nightmare, cause if he can’t be useful enough to save his Au from the human what’s the point?
In fact allow me to be bold and say that I wholeheartedly believe Murder is also the hardest to “recruit” by Nightmare, cause I genuinely believe that in some timelines, the Murder that was supposed to be recruited by Nightmare just offed himself before Nightmare could get ahold of him, cause again, better death than be taken away from his Au, something that Nightmare has grown wise to and usually tries to knock Murder out before he tries such extreme measures, then later Nightmare controls Murder in certain ways once he’s got Murder under him
But here’s the thing, when we talk about Murder and Nightmare’s relationship, only looking at one side of the coin (in this context Murder) is missing the point in my humble opinion, cause yes, Murder does prefer death, and yes Murder would be aggressive and noncompliant, but how does Nightmare deal with that? Cause in every relationship there are multiple sides to look at, not just one
Cause while Murder prefers death, wouldn’t it make sense to also believe that Murder would want to preserve his life to be able to get back to his Au and stop the human? I mean Murder cares this much about his Au doesn’t he?
And that’s exactly why I previously mentioned Nightmare’s emotional/mental manipulation tactics, Nightmare knows Murder would try to preserve his life IF he has hope he can get back to his Au, so Nightmare LETS Murder get back to his Au from time to time, all to give Murder the false hope that he can get away, that false hope contributes to Murder thinking that death isn’t the only way out, further lengthening Murder’s stay under Nightmare, all while Nightmare uses the “you can go back to your Aus” card as some sort of reward for “good work”, to condition Murder to (very reluctantly) work for Nightmare to get this “reward”, all while “bad behavior” aka Murder trying to run back to his Au on his own (which literally doesn’t work cause Murder doesn’t have the ability to hop between Aus) means Nightmare punishes Murder by forbidding him from going to his Au, which usually ends with Murder clawing at Nightmare, which only further worsens his punishment
So as time goes on you can imagine Nightmare understanding Murder enough to be able to get to a point in which he can condition Murder enough so he becomes a bit less hostile just to get his chances to get back to his Au, only to be dragged back by Killer when Nightmare deems Murder has had enough “home time”
And here’s an interesting question, why won’t Nightmare go himself to get Murder back from his Au? It’ll be a lot easier and less time and source consuming wouldn’t it?
And to me? No it’s not cause he’s an all mighty King and he just sits on his ass doing nothing and lets his underlings do the dirty work for him (cause while i believe Nightmare deems some things as “beneath him” I despise the idea that Nightmare is an absolute lazy bitch that doesn’t do anything but monologue, which is why I interpret Nightmare my own way) in fact, I like to think Nightmare is so fucking obsessed with being in control, that in fact he’s sure to keep everything under his watchful eye, he knows every little thing about his prey (in this instance it’s the Murder Time Trio) he knows what they do, how, and when, he knows every little weakness and every little strength they hold, he understands them to the littlest detail in order to keep control over them
And in my interpretation of Nightmare, sending Killer instead of going himself is just another manipulation tactic, Nightmare knows Murder would be a bit confident in his ability to fight (and even win) against Killer, something that he won’t believe if it was Nightmare himself that came to get him, it further engraves that false hope that Murder can get away one day, if (or “when” in Murder’s view) he wins against Killer
Which brings me to the question, is Killer vs Murder one sided for Killer? No I don’t believe it is, in fact I agree that Murder has spent his time refining his skills and experience, however, let’s not forget Killer also is just as intelligent as Murder is, I for one think Killer and Murder are almost on bar with each other in terms of who wins or loses
I’m not going to sit here and pretend I’m not biased towards Killer, cause I definitely am, it’s very obvious that he’s my favorite, so please don’t take my interpretation as an objective correct analysis of their fight, i’ll be simply talking from my humble (very biased) opinion
However if we think logically, Killer has a few things Murder doesn’t, and these would be 1-inability to recognize his body’s limit, 2-his soul’s stages, and 3-a much higher LV than Murder’s
Murder is at LV 19 mostly, Killer, while Rahafwabas has stated they’ll leave it up to interpretation, has been shown in a comic to have a glitched LV of 99999, which in my opinion makes sense considering the Determination Killer’s soul holds, and it automatically means that Killer’s stronger than Murder (if we wanted to get technical at least)
But I don’t like technicalities in analysis of fights so that brings me to the points I’m actually interested in
Something to keep in mind, is that Killer is also just as intelligent as Murder is, Killer’s mind moves just as quick as his body moves, he improvises mid battle and is generally very unpredictable, and to top it all off, Killer fights dirty, he uses any means necessary, and he doesn’t rely on raw power, but on his mind to win
Killer is also extremely observant and has a tendency to study people under a microscope, all while pretending he’s the stupidest most idiotic bitch you ever met, so Killer probably has Murder’s weaknesses memorized and probably already studied Murder enough to know how to deal with him during a battle
Not to mention, if we talk about how much experience each of them holds, then it’s really up for interpretation, cause listen, in my interpretation, I believe Murder has amazing experience, but you’re also talking about Killer, who worked under Nightmare before any of the others, meaning Killer not only has just as much experience, but Killer’s experience is vast and varied, as he fights a variety of people from completely different Aus, with different levels of powers/ intelligence, all while Murder only fights the same people under the same circumstances over and over (then again, this is really up for interpretation, your interpretation of whether Killer worked under Nightmare first or not could be different, i’m only talking from my own point of view, it’s not a hard fast truth or a correct objective interpretation, so please feel free to disagree <333)
Killer (at stage 2) doesn’t recognize his body’s limits, he in fact, thrives on pain, Killer could literally reach the point where his body would collapse at any second and yet still fight like it’s nothing, he’ll go beyond that point, Murder won’t, once Murder’s body reaches its limit it’ll immediately mean he lost, cause Killer won’t stop until A-his mission is complete and he dragged Murder back, or B-he’s dead, there’s no in between for stage 2 Killer
Which brings me to the point you mentioned which is the loading, whether Killer can save and load is really up for interpretation, cause as far as I know, there’s no canonical info on whether he can save and load, but I for one, believe he can, and how long can Murder hold his own against Killer before Murder reaches his limit? When Killer holds the same power the human (who Murder keeps losing to) holds?
Another thing to keep in mind is Killer’s stages, they provide a great advantage in terms of fighting, cause while I believe Murder can absolutely hold his own against stage 2 Killer, I don’t believe he’ll have much advantage against stage 3 Killer, and he sure as hell will not ba able to keep up against a stage 4 Killer, now whether Murder would trigger Killer enough to reach stage 3 and 4 is really up to you and what you like to think, I for one think if Murder knew about Killer’s stages, he’d be smart enough not to trigger Killer to reach those stages cause he would know he won’t win if Killer did reach them, however if Murder doesn’t know about his stages, then the possibility of Murder triggering Killer into stage 3 or 4 on accident is possible, which will not end on a good note for Murder
All that aside, do I believe that Killer always wins against Murder? No not at all, I actually like to believe that sometimes Killer wins, other times Murder wins, and other times? Killer had taken his sweet time trying to get Murder who was holding his own pretty well, that Nightmare shows up himself to take care of it (usually Nightmare would be very pissed at both of them, resulting in Killer and Murder paying grave consequences)
As for Murder working with Dream, I honestly can’t see Murder having the patience to actually work with him, cause each second he spends with Dream is another second away from his Au, and I believe Murder is smart enough to know Nightmare isn’t very easy to take down, other than the raw power and intelligence Nightmare holds, if Dream was truly able to take him down Murder would think Dream would’ve already done it, Murder is intelligent enough to recognize working with Dream would be a waste of time and effort that could’ve been used on much more important matters (such as getting back to his Au)
The only reason I’d see Murder making contact with Dream at all is to only request that Dream open a portal to his Au, only to realize whoops!! Dream can’t open a portal to a place filled with negativity, which only would frustrate the shit outta Murder
Murder’s circumstance really makes me sad ngl, the guy just wants to be back home dammit 😔
#sup i’m back to answering asks >:)#anothers art#anothers ask#dusttale#dreamtale#something new#murder sans#dust sans#nightmare sans#killer sans#suicide mention#suicide#suicide tw#suicide cw
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I really don't get how Lea could ever think they and the Hunter were a team, when apparently they knew about the collar thing while the hunter didn't even know??? They are the literal embodiment of the Hunter's alienation and dehumanization. Will Lea (and the narrative) ever acknowledge how fucking despicable the order actually is??? They're a bunch of child abusers who prey on poor families and practice human trafficking. On that note I actually deeply despise the Hunter's mentor. That fight scene with him forcing us to stand up again and again? I don't care that the same was done to him and he did it to make the Hunter stronger or whatever. That was the same logic my grandmother had when she hit my mother, and she would have done the same to us if my mother hadn't cut ties with her and broke the cycle of generational violence. I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't play this game right now as it very clearly trigger some things within me that I should address elsewhere than in your ask box, but I guess I needed to express how helpless the Hunter made me feel. Especially with Lea. My character (and myself I guess) couldn't sit down and have a normal conversation with them given how blind they were to the Hunter's situation, and that was even before I understood what the collar thing truly meant after replaying the demo and reading the last snippet you published. Lea comes from a powerful family with ties everywhere, they are literally called our 'handler', and they know what the ladder does to someone (both short term and long term, mentally and physically)... And they truly think them and the Hunter are the same??? Equals??? The only explanation I can find is that they grew up their entire life within the order and never knew anything else, and so this is a case of great ignorance and deep denial. They need a good wake up call and a lot of character development, but when I see Noel's reaction and Lea's behavior during their rival route, I'm kinda worried.
well... i mean most of what you've mentioned here is The Point. Lea is a hypocrite, and the hunter can argue with them and refuse their partnership because of it. Jorah is an asshole and treated the hunter poorly at times, to the point that him and Rodrick argued about it frequently, and is why Rodrick attempts to intervene when they spar. the Order does cause harm and coerces people into their ranks, usually children or those that are more vulnerable and lack other options; and this is always true no matter how the hunter tries to justify it and convince themselves otherwise. all of the people and institutions in this game are complex, none of them are righteous, and they exist as they do because i have something i want to say-- all of these are choices i've intentionally made when writing this story.
and we're only on chapter 1 right now (and even before the rerelease, only on chapter 2), all of the characters need character development, none of their arcs have even started yet.
this story is supposed to make you Feel, big feelings and little feelings, my goal is for people to connect with the characters or at the very least just empathize with them and have a desire to see their stories through. i'm not out to trigger people but this game is intended to be a dark fantasy that explores heavier topics. i'm always open to discussing my thoughts behind certain characters/narrative choices and i will always welcome suggestions if you feel i need to add something to the content warning list, but i really don't like asks like this, and i'm not really sure how to respond as a stranger on the internet. you can either trust me and my intent as the author, or maybe it would be better to not continue with the story if that's what is best and safest for you. only you can know and make that choice, not me.
#no judgement either way i have the content warnings there for a reason i know this story isnt for everyone & can be upsetting#but i would appreciate in the future. for people to not vent personal traumas to me in my inbox#ask#anonymous
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How to atract better the lover|love you so deserve
already in a relationship and single reading
for reflection only. hope it resonates and you enjoy. hope you all are doing very well :)
pile one - singles -
dolphin - 20 - true.
When meeting someone new, preferably tell the truth from the beginning and don't settle for anything less than respect for the person you are from the beginning. The advice is to be spontaneously you, the carefree energy, being true to your personalities and tastes. "I like this, I like that, I don't like this".
hermit - get to know yourself, and you can even reinvent yourself or, better yet, another skill or quality of yours, valuing your individuality.
the moon reverse - the tip is to also think about the practical, logical and tangible world and not just (and only) feelings. a balance between reason and emotion is advisable.
6 of Wands reversed - if necessary, correct your postures that harmed you in the past.
-----
in a relationship -
v
27 - fox - think quickly
30 - grasshopper - take a leap of faith
The advice from the cards here are basically to invest in your relationship. analyzing the responses you give to your partner on a daily basis or when you meet. If you tend to respond impulsively to a text message, for example, when you're angry, try taking a step back: take a break to do something else and then analyze the situation again: "Should I really talk like that?" "Now, do I understand myself and my partner better?"
about the grasshopper. Both, seek to strengthen trust in the relationship. whether with open conversations or questions, like, "what do you think we can improve in our relationship?"
I wish the best for you! If necessary, seek professional help. trust yourself.
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pile 2 - singles -
39 - moth - surrender.
connect with your spirituality.
38 - lizard - make your dream come true.
The advice is to go after a dream, especially if it's a good old dream that you still want to fulfill. It can also be going to a place, doing a hobby that you've always dreamed of, when and if possible.
what great messages!
hierophant - if you want, try to avoid listening to the unnecessary judgments and prejudices of others. live well according to your values, value them, if you want, value and/or invest in your lifestyle.
king of wands - take action when necessary and do the things you are passionate about, or add passion/love/appreciation towards your actions.
7 of Wands - stay true to yourself, protect yourself with healthy boundaries.
-- in a relationship -
oh, yes!
31 - groundhog - time to forget
reverse judgement, page of hearts, the fool, 7 of hearts, 4 of hearts.
well then! the message is apparently advice to learn to forgive your partner if necessary and if you want to<. especially if there are past hurts. learn to forgive and be forgiven. either with a frank conversation and/or inner meditation on the events.
It is advisable here to connect with new people: friends, family. even beloved animals. Receiving loving energy from other people or areas of your life can be beneficial to your healing process.
explore more, have a snack with a friend, visit family, pet a beloved animal, whatever you want. take yourself for going out.
If you like the idea, talk to your partner about it, about forgiveness and each other being able to have a good moment of individuality if this is your case (or one of these is your case).
I wish all the best! Seek professional help if necessary. take good care of yourself.
----------------------------------------
pile 3 - singles -
oh! sharpen mind! good!
38 - lizard - make your dream come true
Ask yourself what your ideal life, your ideal relationship, would be like. How can you contribute to your good dreams right now?
12 - canary - sing your own song
invest in self-love and listening to yourself
queen of spades - again, assertiveness and honesty in your reading. Don't accept less than you deserve and speak for yourself when you want/necessary
10 of swords - if you want, heal yourself from past pains; as with good physical and mental rest
hope you be a lot of happy!
-----
in a relationship -
31 - groundhog - time to forget
24 - eel - bring your ideas to life
the advice in the cards is to learn to also listen to your voice in the relationship, also value yourself, your ideas. You are also a person who deserves to be heard and valued. Another piece of advice from the cards is to learn to forgive and be forgiven. These achievements, improving the relationship, if you wish, can be done with a little more self-love, investigation of your own feelings, desires, needs and ideas. Don't feel alone and seek help if necessary and desired. open and calm communication, preferably, about these important issues such as forgiveness, emotional responsibility, etc., can help your relationship if that is the need. remember that you are important and valid.
If necessary, seek professional help and be very happy, giving yourself more peace and a voice.
#hope you enjoy :)#tarot community#pick a card#tarotblr#thank you#tarot reading#pick a pile#free tarot#pick a picture#pick a photo#love reading
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Hiiii! I’m new here, go by El online. Can I give you a prompt/ask?
Can you please do a fic with fem reader x Gyutaro, where she met him in the entertainment district and instead of being scared when he attacked someone who was harassing her, she took his hand and told him not to hurt himself anymore? She used to struggle with self-hatred too, so she knows where he’s coming from—and when they start making out, she admits she doesn’t feel safe being bottom…and Gyutaro ends up subbing for her and liking it?
Thanks!
♥CW: 18+ content, MDNI, smut, creampie, sub!Gyutaro, dom!Reader, mentions of self harm
♥AN: Thank you so much for the request! Sorry it took me awhile to get to it, but I hope you like it! I don't get to write for canon Gyutaro much, so this was very fun! (*^▽^*)
♥WC: 1,503
It all happened so fast. Only a moment ago, you were being pushed against the brick wall of a dark alleyway. A drunk man restraining your wrists with one hand as his other goes to tear open your kimono.
But almost as soon as it had began, it was ended in a flash of blood. The man fell to the ground, blood pooling everywhere. And a strange figure stood before you.
The moment your gaze connects with his, it is clear to you that he is no human. But even so, he did just save you.
"Th-thank you," you stutter. Struggling to maintain eye contact with the terrifying demon.
He looks taken aback by the fact that you have thanked him. "Uh... you're welcome." He mumbles.
You end up introducing yourself to him, and he introduces himself in return, as Gyutaro.
Gyutaro is shocked that you are being so kind to him. Yeah he just saved you, but every time he has helped a human out he never received such kind words in return.
Seeing a woman being taken advantage of angers Gyutaro more than it should. He strictly believes that the women in the district deserve to be paid for their services, and should never be forced to perform sexual acts against their will.
There's a pause of awkward silence. Gyutaro begins to get nervous, the way that you look up at him with your big, innocent, doe eyes makes his knees weak. You are so pretty, yet you aren't running away?
Without noticing it, he begins to scratch his neck. His nails dig deep under his skin, creating wounds that heal seconds later.
"Hey!" you shout, reaching out and grabbing his hand, "Don't hurt yourself."
Gyutaro's eyes go wide and he snatches his hand away from your grasp, "Why do you care? It's none of your business anyways!"
"I used to hurt myself too," you sigh, "I know it is hard to stop. But you seem like a very nice man, there is no need to hurt yourself."
"A-a nice man?" he mumbles, shocked, "No... I'm just an ugly demon. Can't you see?"
"Yes, I can see you perfectly well," against your better judgment you take a step forward. Closing the gap between you and the dangerous demon. Bringing your hands up to cup his cheeks, "You aren't ugly at all. Don't be so hard on yourself..."
Gyutaro is left speechless. Never had a human had the confidence to do something so bold. Do you have no regard for your own life? Or are you just that grateful?
You don't know what it is, but something about this demon intrigues you. Sparks something within you that no one before ever has. You have delt with self hatred in the past, and seeing this man-eating demon struggle with the same thing breaks your heart. All you want to do is comfort him... get closer to him... love him. With a smile, you lean forward and kiss his lips.
Your lips are soft and warm against his. His heart pounds away in his chest, and all logical thought goes out the window. He doesn't know why, but all he can think about is how badly he doesn't want this to end. How badly he wants to soak in your affection, the affection that he has been denied for his entire life. Now is his chance to finally have it.
After the initial shock wears off, Gyutaro closes his eyes and returns the kiss. Hesitantly following your lead, gently holding onto your waist and pulling you closer. When you gently glide your tongue along his lips, he slightly parts his lips to give you access. Relaxing as your tongues dance in the passionate kiss.
It doesn't take long for Gyutaro to get riled up. Pressing his hips against you, his hard-on evidently felt through his pants.
"C-can we go somewhere more private?" you whimper, looking up at him with a flustered expression.
He nods, "Course..."
Carefully picking you up, Gyutaro takes you to an upstairs room in the Kyogoku house. It's dark and a bit dusty, but not too dirty. There is a large futon on the floor that looks rarely used.
Gyutaro lays you down on your back, before climbing on top of you. Grabbing your leg and wrapping it around his waist, he goes in to continue the kiss. But you stop him.
"Um, Gyutaro... I'm not too comfortable being on the bottom. Would you mind if we maybe switched places?"
Gyutaro furrows his brows in confusion. To be completely honest, he doesn't have much sexual knowledge so this is quite peculiar to him. Every time he's seen human have sex, it was with the man on top. But he likes you a lot, and wants to make sure you are comfortable. It isn't everyday he gets an opportunity like this.
"Ok, sure," he nods. Promptly laying on his back, giving you room to straddle him.
"Thanks," you whisper before guiding him back into the kiss. Moving your hips back and forth, grinding against him. Resulting in him moaning desperately into the kiss.
Something about Gyutaro is bringing out all of your carnal desires. Never have you felt the need to go so far with someone that you barely know. Maybe it has to do with the fact that he is a dangerous demon? Or maybe it has to do with how he saved you earlier?
Either way, all you know is that you need him now. Wasting no time, you remove your kimono and slide off your panties. Exposing your bare body to the gaze of the demon below you.
Watching as he shamelessly stares at you, his grip on your thighs tightening.
"Are you ready, Gyutaro?" you ask while tugging at the hem of his pants.
"Y-yeah," he pants, moving his hips up so you can pull his pants down. Which you promptly do, releasing his throbbing cock.
The same spots that decorate his body appear on his shaft too. Giving it a unique appearance. One that Gyutaro is ashamed of, but one that you find quite attractive. Not only that, but it is also larger than you had expected. Making you glad that you are on top. You can't imagine how much it'd hurt if he just drove into you with that thing. He is a demon after all, so who knows how much he'd care for your comfort.
Grabbing his base, you glide his tip along your slick folds. Coating him enough so he can slide in with more ease.
But it isn't easy. When you start to lower down on him, it hurts, the stretch is more painful that you had anticipated.
So, you take it slow. Lowering yourself inch by inch until you manage to fully fit him inside. At this point, Gyutaro is a moaning mess. His eyes are squeezed shut, head tilted back, and he has a firm grip on your ass.
He almost loses it when you start bouncing on top of him. Moaning loudly with each move of your hips.
You can't help but admire the sharpness of his teeth every time he parts his lips. This demon seems very dangerous and has probably killed and eaten hundreds, if not thousands, of people. Yet here he is, completely helpless beneath you.
That thought causes you to grow even wetter, and fuck him even harder.
"You like that Gyutaro? Do you feel good?" you coo, leaning forward to cup his cheek.
"Ngh, y-yeah... ah, fuck... feels-feels really g-good," he whines in between moans.
It takes every ounce of his strength to not immediately cum, but it's getting impossible for him. You're just so warm, so tight, and showing him so much affection. He can't help himself.
Holding onto you firmly, Gyutaro thrusts up to meet your hips. Ramming his sharp hip bones into your soft flesh. After a few thrusts he's arching his back and cumming inside of you. His chest heaves as high-pitched moans escape his lips.
But you don't stop. Even though he may have finished, you have not. So you continue riding him. Gyutaro bites his lip, trying to muffle his moans as you overstimulate him. He doesn't want to disappoint you. He wants to make you cum too, so he stays still for you.
It doesn't take long before your orgasm hits you. Gyutaro holds onto you tightly as you tremble above him, moaning his name. He absolutely loves it.
Not bothering to remove his cock from inside of you, you lay on his chest. The both of you panting, recovering from your orgasms.
You don't know what to expect, and you are afraid to ask. What if he decides to eat you? He's had his fun, so nothing is stopping him.
But instead, Gyutaro wraps his arms around you and nuzzles into your hair.
"Y'know... I normally don't get friendly with humans," he takes a deep breath and sighs, "But I guess I wouldn't mind seeing you again."
#gyutaro#gyutaro shabana#gyutaro smut#gyutaro x reader#gyutaro x y/n#replies#kny smut#demon slayer smut#dom reader
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As a physician, I will preach to any who will listen about the harms of punitive action for drug charges. It is in opposition to modern understandings of addiction. I work in an area where both extreme poverty and substance addiction affect far, far more than they spare. On a given day, I'd estimate that 80% of my patients struggle with a substance addiction (if I include nicotine) but about 50% struggle with an addiction to hard drugs. The harm that is done to my patients when they go to prison for it is immeasurable.
Imprisonment does nothing to curb addiction because you cannot punish psychosocial problems away. Prison places the addicted person, most of whom got to this point due to a history of mental illness or trauma, into a violent and dehumanizing environment that will exacerbate underlying stressors and mental health problems. Not to mention that medical care is rarely very good in prisons, so people who have other health issues (related to or unrelated to drug use) experience gaps in care, compounding that stress. Prison separates people from any positive support that they do have. It harms their employment prospects and places financial strain on the families, who are generally already struggling financially. It does every single thing we should not be aiming for, and to what end? How can anyone see punishment as a logical solution to a problem as complex as addiction?
Of the many things that should be done to address addiction, not a damn one involves locking addicts up. We need significant improvements in social programs, safety nets, community resources, quality medical access to general healthcare as well as addiction-specific healthcare, and other interventions that target underlying causes and facilitate immediate harm reduction.
We know more now than ever in history about addiction and how to help those struggling with it. It is a hard and oftentimes ugly problem to deal with, but locking that ugly problem behind prison bars doesn’t make it go away. Proponents of war-on-drug style approaches to addiction may consider the problem “ought of sight and out of mind,” but those of us unafraid to look at the issue head on must work twice as hard to pick up the pieces left in the wake of damaging policy. I am sick of it.
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Meetcha half way: Miklan and Xander are both awful, terrible people.
You're allowed to think that way, I genuinely think whatever floats your boat is good, anon.
I don't share that opinion. Forgive me for the rant ahead.
Fates, IMO, made it clear what nuance it was going for. Aside from the little sisters and non-story important characters, there weren't purely good people. However, there were always clear hate sinks that the player was meant to despise.
War makes good people do bad things; evil people start or take advantage of war to benefit themselves; good people are taken out of the equation early on or don't get involved as often. Bam, that's it.
3H on the other hand, tries to justify every fucking action an antagonist takes. It tries to make everything an "I can see where you're coming from" situation, even when it falls on its face. For example, Lonato. No, actually, I don't feel bad for the guy trying to assassinate the archbishop in a plot of revenge for the execution of his son who was caught trying to assassinate that person already, especially when he's mowing town resistance in the process while knowing he could potentially harm or kill his other son in the process.
For fairness, Xander also does bad things and has no qualms harming a former sibling. But that was a fact established as soon as chapter 2, early in the story to intentionally give the audience a lasting impression. Yes he cares for his family, but his fear of his father outweighs that. The next logical step in analysis would be to discover why.
Lonato doesn't get that. He gets praised, shows that he's actually a douche, yet gets off the hook in various directions, excused by the Western Church (undeniably horrible group, but he himself shouldn't be exempt), the Central Church (should Ashe be on Crimson Flower because most of the cast isn't allowed to have a rigid backbone since they must be allowed to steamroll their own homes on Byleth's word), and even in Ashe's support with Catherine.
Miklan is no different, where they shift blame from the individual's actions to being about Crests, something that's contradictory to ingame information. He was disinherited well fucking after Sylvain was born, so it stands to reason that it's because he was an irresponsible, jealous, violent creep, and not because of Crests. But the game wants us to feel bad! He doesn't get a nuanced death because whining about Crests takes priority in the game's writing. Three Hopes cemented this by making him a fucking ally, highlighting that "oh he's actually a good leader even without a Crest!!1!" Yeah, I'm sure all the women he kidnapped, villagers he robbed, and families he tore apart will just be hunky dory with knowing that.
Xander meanwhile dies like a little bitch, taking himself out by letting Corrin stick a sword through him. That's thematically poignant, because he was the most common antagonist and a plot consistent hurdle that Corrin had been preparing to face ever since he made the choice to side with Hoshido. It's supposed to hit that it was really fucking easy, that Xander wasn't taken out through raw strength, but the weight of his own actions. That's exponentially more ingame acknowledgement of the wrong that Xander did, than any one character in 3H can manage to say about anyone they're fighting against besides maybe the Slithers.
#rant#fire emblem discourse#xander fire emblem#character hate#i feel like i could rant for ages about how 3H doesn't have anything to say in its damned story#because its too obsessed with both sidesing every situation no matter how evil one faction clearly is#it is the centrism of Fire Emblem stories /half joking
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Sherlock fandom
Big Brother’s Observations
Since the day I held Sherlock in my arms for the first time, I loved him fiercely and I instantly wanted to keep him out of harm’s way, whatever the cost. I was only seven years at the time, but I tried my best to keep my promise.
At first, it was easy. Child’s play, so to speak. He followed me with his eyes, always smiling, filling my chest with warmth and joy. When he learnt to walk, he never let me out of his sight. Where I went, he was close behind.
I taught him everything I knew about nature; biology, geology, meteorology, when we were outdoors, mathematics, languages, history, geography and logic reasoning when the weather was bad, and we stayed in Father’s library or in my room. He was like a sponge, and it became quite clear that he was above average intelligence; just like me.
However, there was a big difference in our personalities. Where I avoided other people, Sherlock couldn’t get enough of studying and talking to others. For a while…
The other difference between us was sentiment. He was full of it, I was empty, apart from my undying love for my brother. I told him he would get hurt if he wasn’t on the alert. He was naïve and always thought every person was good and meant well. For a while…
***
My heart broke several times during the years, and in the centre of it was Sherlock. His tears and sobbing were unbearable to witness.
“Why do they hate me, Myc?” he cried so many times, I lost count.
“You must stop wearing your heart on your sleeve, Sherlock,” I told him. “Everyone will take the opportunity to hurt you if they know you’ll react like this. There doesn’t need to be a reason other than they want to see you cry. People are evil like that. Sentiment is never an advantage, brother mine.”
He wouldn’t believe me. Not at first. It was a hard lesson for him, and I hated every single person who dared to give my brother such a difficult time, but finally he managed to put up an armour of indifference. I knew how much effort it was for him to maintain it, because I caught him more than once crying himself to sleep after the more trying days.
When he started university, the contact between us was sparse at best, but I kept my eyes on him of course. Alas, I was unable to foresee and stop his drug addiction before it was too late. By then he hated the sight of me, which broke my heart in a totally different way. He turned his back on the one person who wished him well. It was a blind spot he dealt with for years, put there by me.
***
I couldn’t believe my luck when Sherlock met Gregory Lestrade of New Scotland Yard. The detective saw Sherlock’s potential and promised him work if he got clean, which he achieved in record time.
Despite the trust Lestrade put in Sherlock, my brother didn’t trust him fully. The police wanted results, which Sherlock was able to give, but it ended there. Lestrade was no friend in Sherlock’s eyes. He just used Sherlock for work, nothing more. My brother failed to see that the detective cared for him outside of crime scenes. He didn’t even bother learning Lestrade’s Christian name.
***
I saw a crack in my brother’s armour the day he realised that John had killed a man to save his life, mere hours after they’d met. When I mentioned it, Sherlock waved it off as John’s need for danger, excitement and his military background, but I observed a second of insecurity. It vanished soon enough.
My instincts when I met John Watson for the first time, told me he could be just what my brother needed, or quite the opposite. His loyalty baffled me, but spoke volumes, and it increased for every passing day. He protected Sherlock just like I had done decades ago. I wasn’t entirely sure what to think of that. Of course, I wanted my brother to be cared for and kept safe from the criminals he recklessly chased through London, but it should be me doing that. Letting go and placing my trust in an ex-army doctor with PTSD and a passion for danger, wasn’t exactly what I preferred, but it seemed I didn’t have much saying in the matter. John Watson was Sherlock’s confidant and friend now, and I should be glad, but my treacherous heart ached for the loss of my brother’s trust and love.
When it became clear to me how John felt about Sherlock, I prayed to the universe to let Sherlock’s blind spot disappear. It had finally happened; there was a way for Sherlock to gain happiness and love after all, and perhaps his hostility towards me would dissipate a little if he felt content and loved. My prayers weren’t heard, and John was too scared to jeopardise their precious friendship to pursue the matter.
***
I never dreamt of that an Irish criminal mastermind should be the answer. When Moriarty kidnapped John Watson and Sherlock realised he might lose John when he emerged with that bomb vest strapped to his chest at the pool, the blind spot instantly vanished. When the danger was over, John had proved that he would sacrifice himself so that Sherlock could live.
“My life isn’t worth living without you, John,” I heard Sherlock say in the surveillance video.
I had ushered my men out of the room and watched the scene alone. It was a private moment I didn’t want anyone else to witness, and I turned off the recording once I was sure both men were safe and had finally confessed their love.
My mission was far from over, but my faith in John’s capability to keep my brother as safe as possible, was absolute.
@flashfictionfridayofficial @totallysilvergirl @keirgreeneyes @calaisreno @phoenix27884 @a-victorian-girl @helloliriels @safedistancefrombeingsmart @gregorovitch-adler @raina-at @topsyturvy-turtely @peanitbear @7-percent @ninasnakie
#flash fiction friday#sherlock fandom#mycroft holmes#sherlock#john watson#greg lestrade#bbc sherlock#sherlock fanfic#johnlock#FFF247#blind spot
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