#and i say this because ive had someone tell me a story that didnt line up [dates not working out etc]

[bucephaly]

heyy I love your blog and love that you're reconnecting. I wasn't gonna say anything, but as the posts keep coming, I have to point out that despite everything, rolls and records just aren't the end all be all for indigenous ancestry. while I understand why folks (espeeeecially cherokees) would be extra protective of their identity, tribal enrollment, etc... this particular requirement can easily erase afro-indigenous histories.

my grandparents pointed out which relatives on our family tree were native, likely mixed. (I'll spare you the details, lol. but I was suspect for a long time, and your posts had me looking much harder!) while I can't find a direct ancestor in the Dawes Rolls, I'm seeing folks who seem to be relatives. there's substantial overlap on a rather uncommon surname linked to the slavers who owned and later held my family in indentured servitude (sharecropping) for 5+ generations in eastern Tennessee. The highest density of this surname (outside of Barbados!) is found in Oklahoma today, where I also have relatives.

records of my kin are generally spotty (a good # just with first names) and nonexistent before around 1850 because they were considered property until 1865, and so not recorded in the census.

what *is* recorded in the first records is that all of my relatives were illiterate up until 3 generations ago. this rules out the ability to apply remotely. and while there was an option for Dawes applications to be taken in person / recorded orally, the one drop rule (plus the promise of land allotment to those accepted) was something that I can't imagine visibly black and indigenous people were able to get past. recognizing afro-indigenous folks would have meant an upheaval in law, and in the colonial hierarchy of who has the right to what.

I don't live anywhere near the OG lands and my family did little more than attend a few powwows growing up... but I do read up on Cherokee culture and language, and don't feel any need to be enrolled or given access to Cherokee resources, etc... I'm content to appreciate from afar & online, and uplift native stories & issues when I can until a natural connection arises. I don't have a lot of time to do so, but I'm continuing the search for proof outside of my grandparents' physical features and stories.

I also have relatives who were Freedmen, and though I want solidarity for all people, cannot ignore the anti-black sentiments Cherokee bureaucracy and unfortunately a looott of modern native culture has displayed in barring and diminishing afro-indigenous membership and ancestry.

I am at peace with the fact that I may never find a paper trail, which though hard-won, is also a privilege largely afforded to folks with white/native heritage, and I think that should be acknowledged.

just wanted to offer a different perspective on this very white website, lmao

wado. & wish u all the best

Yea, very true! There's definitely a lot of anti-black racism and of course slavery in Cherokee history [and still some today] and this stuff really does need to be said. Iirc, many people recorded as freedmen were likely mixed afro-indigenous but were just recorded as freedmen. I'm not as experienced with freedmen and afro-indigenous history admittedly, and that's definitely a glaring gap that I need to work on filling.

[blackheart-6]

noelle holiday age progression chart

without height lines

explanations of designs:

hi yall

so, i actually finished this drawing like a week ago lol. but i didnt want to post a bunch of drawing in a row, and then i got sick, so i havent been able to post it till now!

its my imaginings of what noelle looked like as she grew up, and a potential adult noelle design! ill explain my thought processes about these designs below, if anyones interested 😁

i also plan on doing one of these with dess, but this one was pretty difficult, so it might be awhile before that (unless yalls are interested in seeing it?)

first off, im not 100% sure ill keep using all these designs. some of them im not that happy with (im no good at designing outfits 😔) but i just went with them so i could finish the drawing. so if anyone has any alternative outfit ideas for any of her ages, id be interested in seeing/hearing it!

secondly, something that may stick out to yall for all the designs is how tall she gets. its the same height i normally draw her with, but given how i usually draw her by herself you cant really tell how tall she is! i have 3 main reasons for why i headcanon her as this tall: deer are pretty tall irl, so having her be tall makes sense in my head; i just like the look of her being super tall, it makes me happy lol; and third, i personally also headcanon the holiday family as boss monsters (i think ive explained this headcanon before on here, so i wont explain again, unless someone is interested ^^). so yeah, she ends up being 7 feet tall as an adult, the second tallest in her family!

also, i gave all her children forms stripes in some way, as a reference to when monster kid in undertale says they can tell frisk is a kid because of their stripes!

now onto my explainations for individual drawings!

theres nothing really to say about her baby design. the only thing i did that might be new is give her faun spots! they are most plentiful on her baby form, but they persist until shes in her teens, i would say (on here you cant see them after age 7, but thats just because i imagine they are mostly on her back). and i gave her a cute lil onsie that says a-deer-able! if you guys cant read it ^^

this outfit i made for her toddler design is actually an outfit ive used in the past! i wonder if yall know what drawing it was? its pretty much the same as it was there, i just added a stripe to the shirt. i felt like overalls are so reminiscent of childhood, i had to give at least one of her designs them! i also added a little mistletoe to the front pocket, to make it more christmas-esque. and i gave her some bandaids, just cause.

7 years old is one of the designs i really struggled on, and im still not happy with it. i dunno if ive said this yet, but i headcanon noelle to be trans, so at 7 is when i decided she started realizing it. so here i gave her long sleeves and pants, to show how shes more hidden now because shes unhappy with herself, if that makes any sense? i was also trying to make her look a bit like a nerd, with the button up and khakis, just because its funny. but yeah, ill probably end up changing this design at some point :P

11 years old was one of the easiest to do, considering how ive had her design for this age for awhile lol. one thing i did change was going from 2 red/white stripes to one, but ive done that before, so it wasnt something entirely new. i also gave her a smile and closed eyes, cause shes happy being a girl 🥰. other that that, its the same, so yeah, thats it for this part

okay, this next design is a fairly different looking one than all the rest, but i have my reasons! at this point in noelles live, dess has gone missing, so i wanted to show her being sad and stuff. i also gave her shoes and long sleeves because she probably goes out looking for dess when she can, hoping to find a lead 😭. but outside of in-story stuff, this outfit is based off of an old one i drew, but its fairly edited, so i wouldnt be surprised if no one recognizes it even if they have seen my old stuff. she has straight hair here, to show how unhappy she is (idk what it is about straight hair it just feels sad) and because i wanted to give her different hair varieties on this progression chart. i gave her antlers 2 prongs each at this point, because the way i see deer monsters, their antlers show their growth/aging, so youll see them getting bigger and having more prongs as the chart continues.

this outfit for 15 is another one i dont like. i tried to make it similar to her current outfit, but still pretty different. im not even sure what precisely i dont like about this outfit, it just doesnt feel that good. for this one i gave her leg warmers because i used to (and sometimes still do) draw her normal outfit with them. i gave her the curly hair she has as a callback to when i used to draw her hair like that! but yeah, ill probably end up redoing this one too

for 17, i just gave her the normal outfit, so it was easy ^^. in game i think shes 16, but close to turning 17, so i just went with 17 here to fit the +2 age pattern thing i had going on. i also gave her an extra horn prong than i normally give her, just to show age once again

finally, her adult design! i dont like this one either lol. i spent so long trying to think of what outfit to give her, but i couldnt come up with something i liked >.< so i just gave her something simple. i feel like once noelle graduates high school and probably goes to college she branches out more and tries things her mother never let her do, which is why i gave her an outfit like that, that has a crop top and a shorter skirt. also, yalls might recognize the hair style i gave her, i drew a potential adult noelle before and i gave her the same hair ^^

i think thats all for the post! i probably have more thoughts that im just not thinking of, but its fine for now. i hope yall enjoyed the drawing, and if you have any question or comments or whatever, go ahead and say them!! if youve made it this far, have a cookie, you must be hungry after reading so much ^^ 🍪

[konohamaru-sensei]

hello again!! thank you so much for gathering the iketeru illustrations for me (and translating them too, which i greatly appreciated), cause your post really made my day :')

it's funny that the author's got a whole book of fanservice for us lmao, but i love it! do you have a #1 favorite illustration (of anyone) from the whole book? (sorry if this sent twice btw, crap was glitching lol)

lovely anon, I must tell you that I once again went absolutely over the line with pictures I took. There are so many good ones!! I knew a few illustrations from sensei's twitter and knew how well it worked for me so I ordered this book from japan and yes, that is why I can never pick favourites I just like all of them (exception is the series in which the characters are teachers and you are supposed to be their student, not a big fan of those lol). Once again I put them under cut together with my chitter chatter about them asdhjflas

anyway im glad i made your day!

yes its amazing that this fanservice exist. In the interview at the end of the book sensei says they often drew their characters as practise (without lines) and then uploaded them to twitter to find out the people responded so well!! so they continued with it! More snippets from the interview:

they consider this a kind of alternative world that has no space in the manga (since its a gag manga).

they claim they didnt try to make the characters hot on purpose, it just turned out this way. in their head usao and kumao always had old people voices. but now they are glad the characters are hot because of the voice actors choosen.

they come up with a line and then assign it to a character, rarely the other way around.

Every one of their characters has one thing they think is special, something they like to show off when they draw them. for Uramichi its the chest, for Iketeru the slender neck, for Usahara the shoulders and Kumatani the arms!

and shockingly to me: since this manga is running 10 years now they said when they started they felt like Uramichi is so old, but now they are the same age! I cant believe how someone in their twenties wrote such an accurate manga about being in ones thirties.

gosh anon i wish this was more popular, i only have one friend to talk to about this story and i have so much in my soul dhkasdflsd so please come back if you feel like it!

ok so some of my faves under cut from here

first of: my favourite has always been ushara. he is cringe fail and i love cringe fail so much. but that also means he has almost no COOL lines because he is kind of an idiot (lovingly said) tho all his illustrations are so cute. so he wont show up here much tho i love everything about his arts of course!!

now you asked me for my favourite and ive known this one for a while, but I think my unbeaten favourites of everyone are the love confessions:

I love the different way they all do it. Uramichi pretty much goes "I love....you" (cries), Iketeru of course quotes it, Usahara just YELLS at you "HEY I LOVE YOU" and kumatani is like ".............. iloveyou" haskdlfh

generally kumatani has so many cool lines because he is so stone cold. this is also specifically heart wrecking for me because his voice actor Nakamura Yuuchi is my favourite thing since strawberries so if I imagine him doing the voice I want to die.

Three times Kumatani is an absolute tsundere about white day:

"you are chattering so much... well, tell me what you want now. I'll get you anything."

"What do you want? Tell me clearly"

"I told you to get over here"

another white day illustration i love is this one from usahara

he says "the present is me, hippety hop", which i find ultra cute with the little bunny and the hairclip!! but my friend said it sounds like he forgot white day and just brought the first thing he could find, which would be in character (adding this picture was a nightmare tumblr did NOT want me to upload it?? you hate cute boys? tumblr you hate cute boys??)

uramichi's face when he realises you april fooled him is so funny to me somehow

" You say "Im sorry".. that is also a lie, is it not?"

ok from now on the pictures will be low quality because tumblr wont let me upload the photos direclty anymore i need to screenshot them first. rip im sorry

ok there are a few here of uramichi saying somehow sexy things (to me at least) and it makes me go hrgnlkhdflk

""Good big brother (onisan)" you said. Who do you mean?" idk why that gets me so hard but why you asking .. wha...what you mean

"... Isn't it ok? You don't have to go home yet." (this is from the stayin the night portion)

"A promise from big brother. I will protect you well" T_T

this thing which can only be described as ship art:

is this bickering idiots to lovers sensei? is that what you mean to tell me sensei?

this usahara from the staying the night section

"Come play with me today!" (............ h.......how...)

this image if kumatani because of THE LOOK? um HELLO

unfortuantely the translation is kinda tricky because i cant read most the kanji and google lense is like?? but its something like "Do you think you have the guts to betray me?" or something like "Do you think I have the guts to betray you?" idk he looks good so its fine

almost done i swear!! there are a few kuma usa double pages i love

Kuma: "Don't look. Its hot." (sidenote, he is shirtless a lot. not that I complain or whatever)

Usa: "Where would you like to go? The ocean? My house?"

sorry i tried to keep my fingers out of all pictures but clearly failed xD

Kuma: "Shut up. Shut up and look at me."

Usa: "I understaaaand. Get over here." (crying, i want to)

this is a part of the book extras. I showed it to you with Iketeru already. I think the meaning is sort of the moment they realised their carreers are over, sadface

Kuma: "I never really liked it. I thought I would just throw it away. Damn it, I lost."

Usa: "The wind suddenly stopped. Ah, thats how it is. Its over"

of course there are a lot more other characters shown in the book, but much rarer and since they dont interest me too much they dont have my favourite lines asdhfklasdhf anyway anon I hope you liked this

[traumatizeddfox]

hey! i just found ur blog and i was wondering if i could ask u some questions?

tw abuse? maybe?

recently my friends have been trying to tell me that my family(mostly my older brother) had been abusive to me based on some of the stories ive told them about how my bro used to hit me and stuff. in my head what happened was completely normal and i even joked about it. i was always told that it wasnt a big deal and that older brothers are just like that or that it was my fault for "poking the bear" and that he did it because he didnt know how to show that he loved me. i never really thought about it as weird until my friends started saying it wasn't normal? i been thinking about it and i know that siblings can be mean to each other but i feel like it crossed a line when i stopped fighting back hoping he would get bored if i never gave him a reaction. ive felt so upset with my family for a long time and god i want to leave and live by myself but thats not an option for another year or so. i know that parents screaming at their kids every day isnt normal and older brothers constantly hurting their little siblings isnt normal but i just cant stop thinking that im being overdramatic and unfair to them. i feel like im being manipulative whenever i try to tell people about it because its fine and it really was my fault. even saying that sounds really manipulative though! i dont want to give people the wrong idea and i dont know how to say this right

my family has done so much for me theyre lovely people and i know i love them so why do i keep flinching when theyre in the room and why do i feel so paranoid that someones mad at me? i just want to get away from everything

i feel so guilty i should be more grateful to them

i cant get my head around this and i honestly dont know what to think at this point so any advice you have would be greatly appreciated

sorry for the long ask and i hope ur doing well

-🌧️🌧️🌧️

for many victims we don’t even register it’s not normal because to us the abuse is normal because it’s all we know. it’s pretty common for victims to not realize they were abused until years later or until we tell someone who think it was normal

ur family can still do nice things for you but they can also still be abusive. u most likely flinch because that’s your body remembering the abuse. our body, our muscles and our nervous system can remember but our mind does not.

don’t feel guilty for feeling this way it’s normal to feel confused by abuse because it’s not always black and white either!! depending on ur age i would see if you could stay with someone else or live with friends (but i also know this isn’t always possible.)

[moonferry]

what's that?? oh yeah, its fsioy chapter 5 babeyyy!!!

OMG HEY. this is it. this is the scene ive been daydreaming about for WEEKS and we finally got to it. im so happy. shoutout to the 3 people who've consistently read this story. u guys are so swag and cool and epic. i hope you enjoy this little soft chapter because shit is about to hit the fan. teehee. also wow this one is so long i didnt realize that while writing. Oops

chapter summary: jodi responds to kent's confession and expresses her own feelings. kent does some deep thinking (tm) and asks jodi a hard question.

word count: 2345 (wow)

warnings: none that i can think of? mentions of time/limited time/time running out tho

ao3 linkie -> here

other chapters: chapter masterlist

“What?” Jodi asked, her eyes widening in a mixture of surprise and horror. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Surely Kent was joking. How could he be in love with her? They had only known each other for a few months and - according to her mother - it took years to love someone. There had to be a reasonable explanation for Kent’s crazy outburst, right? He couldn’t actually be in love with her, could he? 

“I think I’m in love with you,” Kent repeated, anxiously scanning Jodi’s face. He noted her expression and grimaced. So much for making it less awkward. He noticed Jodi seemed to be deep in thought and moved to defend himself, “I know it’s sudden. I just… had to tell you. Sorry.” Kent glanced down at his hands and felt a massive wave of shame wash over him. Why did he say anything? He had likely just ruined the best friendship he ever had. This was supposed to be a fun week, but he had made it into a disaster. It seems like that was all he was able to do late - cause disasters to happen. 

“Kent, don’t apologize,” Jodi replied, her lips forming into a small line as she bent down to his eye level. She rested her hand on his shoulder and waited for him to look up. When Kent met her eyes, Jodi thought he looked like a sort of… dejected puppy. She gave a small sigh before explaining herself, “I didn’t mean to react that way. I was just surprised, that’s all.” 

“So.. you don’t hate me?” Kent asked, some worry still present on his face. He fidgeted with his hands once again before mumbling, “For, you know, making things awkward..” 

“Hate you?” Jodi asked with a small laugh. She shook her head and a wide smile spread across her lips. She glanced at Kent, giving him her familiar “you can’t be serious” look before adding, “I could never hate you.” 

Kent raised an eyebrow - full of skepticism. Maybe Jodi was stranger than he thought. How could she not hate him? He’s done nothing but surround this girl with chaos since the moment they met. Kent made more of a fool of himself around Jodi than anyone - maybe it was because he tried so hard to impress her only for it to completely blow up in his face. “Really?” Kent asked, absolutely dumbfounded. 

“Yeah,” Jodi confirmed. She hesitated a moment, thinking to herself. Kent noticed a small patch of pink had found itself onto the curves of her cheek and was even more confused. “I.. I actually think you’re super cool,” She started moving her hand to tuck a stray strand of her hair behind her ear - something else, Kent noticed, that she did when she was nervous - before adding, “I like you, too. There’s something different about you, you know? You don’t try hard to impress me, like everyone else. You just act like yourself and that’s something I appreciate. It’s… actually kind of attractive.” 

Kent smiled at Jodi’s response, appearing calm and collected on the outside, but on the inside his brain was screaming. He couldn’t believe it. He spent hours worrying about this conversation and never expected it to turn out this way. For a moment, Kent was incredibly giddy and even forgot what awaited him in two days time. 

Only for a moment, though. The memory soon flooded back into Kent’s mind and a small frown spread across his cheeks. Sure, he finally expressed how he felt, but it would all mean nothing. He found himself once again wanting something there never seemed to be enough of: time. If only he had more time, he could take Jodi on a proper date or find a way to avoid this whole military debacle entirely. But, like always, Kent didn’t have enough time. He never seemed to these days: not enough time with his father, not enough time with Jodi, not enough time to live, to laugh, to love. He had never hated the word “time” more in his life. 

“What’s wrong?” Jodi asked, watching as Kent’s smile was replaced with the small frown. Her eyebrows knit together in concern. Had she said something wrong? Did Kent not want her to return his affection? She was just starting to understand it herself, so maybe she should have waited until she knew, for certain? 

“Just thinking,” Kent replied, moving to pull his knees toward his chest and wrap his forearms around his kneecaps. “About the next two days, I mean,” He clarified before adding, “I just wish there was more time, you know?”

“Yeah,” Jodi replied with a small nod. She moved her hand from Kent’s shoulder before resting it on top of the back of his hand, gently lacing their fingers together. “Me too,” She spoke, giving his hand a light squeeze. 

Kent glanced down when he felt the small pressure on his hand and felt his cheeks warm up. He felt a small smile creep back onto his lips before turning to look at Jodi with an embarrassed expression. “You’re holding my hand,” He spoke, motioning to their intertwined fingers with his free hand. 

“I know,” Jodi spoke, giving him a playful smile in return. She noticed the dark pink of Kent’s cheeks and raised an eyebrow, intending to tease him some more. “I can stop if it’s making you ‘too embarrassed’,” She teased, slowly removing her small hand off of Kent’s much larger one. 

Kent shook his head. Instead of letting Jodi remove her hand, he simply flipped his palm over and properly laced their hands together. The two smiled at each other and Jodi leaned her body against Kent’s, resting her head on his shoulder. 

They stayed like this for a while, simply leaning against each other. Unfortunately, the wind started to pick up and Jodi shivered - despite knowing the nights got cold in this part of the city, Jodi had forgotten her cardigan as she rushed out of her home. Kent frowned. 

“You’re freezing, Jo,” He spoke. “Take my jacket,” he offered, immediately shucking off his jacket (well, it was his father’s, really, but he always wore it) and draping it over her shoulders.

“I can’t do that,” Jodi protested, a small frown forming on her own lips as she noticed Kent was wearing a loose-fitting, short-sleeved t-shirt beneath the jacket. That must be even colder than her dress. “You’ll get cold,” She spoke as she tried to push the jacket back into his arms, but she was met with a shake of Kent’s head. 

Kent thought for a moment before laying back against the blanket. He patted the spot next to him and motioned for Jodi to lay back down. “Here, we can share it, see?” Kent explained as he draped the fabric over the two of them - content with this compromise. 

Jodi eyed him skeptically but laid down next to him anyway. She wouldn’t admit it, but she was secretly grateful Kent had offered his jacket in the first place. The jacket was definitely not big enough to cover two people fully, but they didn’t seem to care. 

However, the jacket seemed to barely provide enough warmth to keep them from shivering beneath the fabric. Jodi hesitated for a moment before scooting even closer to Kent. If you asked her reasoning, she would give some excuse about how it’s warmer than being far apart, but it was clear what her true reasoning was. Her reasoning became even more evident as she rested her head onto Kent’s shoulder. 

Kent’s eyes widened at the sudden pressure against his shoulder. He felt another wave of blush move across his face when Jodi shifted her body and propped herself up onto her side. She absentmindedly laid her arm across Kent’s chest and returned to looking at the sky. Kent had a momentary panic inside his head and his heart started beating much faster. Eventually, he calmed down and felt himself relax into her presence. He carefully draped his arm over Jodi’s upper back and shoulders. Kent then moved his free hand, slowly reaching towards Jodi’s extended arm before lacing their fingers together and gently rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand. 

Kent felt that familiar feeling again: like time had stopped and nothing else in the world existed. He could almost get used to this: the peace, the comfort of Jodi’s presence, the weight of her against his chest. For once in his life, he felt nice and warm - safe, in a weird way, despite what loomed over him. He felt as if he could take on anything. His anxieties still remained, but they always seemed to quiet whenever he was around Jodi. It was nice. Unfortunately, it was also bittersweet: the world allowed him this week full of amazing memories only to take it away and laugh in his face? How was that fair? It wasn’t and Kent knew that all too well. He realized something: it may be selfish, but he didn’t know if he would be able to give it all up: the memories, the laughter, even Jodi. He also realized something else - he didn’t want to experience a life without her. 

“Hey, Starfruit?” Kent asked, breaking the peaceful silence that had enveloped the two. Jodi glanced up at him and smiled at the familiar nickname. It somehow seemed more tender and personal now. 

“Yeah, Cactus?” She replied, waiting for the next words to come out of Kent’s mouth. Her smile widened as she watched Kent process his own nickname and shake his head in a playful manner. 

“Can you do me a favor?” He spoke, his gaze softening as the words left his mouth. Kent felt his heart flutter at the nickname. Even if he hated to admit it and that it was created to tease him, he loved it when Jodi called him the name.  It was silly, yes, but it was his

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” Jodi asked, raising her eyebrow skeptically. She remembered the last time one of them had asked for a “favor” - they ended up spending two hours sorting a ridiculous amount of books at her mother’s store. Jodi just hoped this wasn’t something like that. She was definitely NOT going to spend two hours of her life sorting something again. At least, not heavy books. That was definitely a mistake. 

“Marry me.” 

Jodi’s eyes widened in surprise. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She stared at Kent for a few moments before shaking her head, “You’re crazy.” 

Jodi made a motion to get up but Kent gently grabbed her hand and stopped her in her tracks. 

“Look, I know I sound insane right now, but I mean it,” Kent retorted. He sat up and carefully took Jodi’s palm, holding it in both of his hands. 

‘You’re crazy,” Jodi repeated, a small frustrated frown finding itself onto her features. “Besides,” she started, halting her attempt at trying to break free from Kent’s grip, “my mother would never allow it.” 

“Just hear me out, okay?” Kent started, gently letting go of Jodi’s hand. He took a deep breath before speaking once again, “Hear me out and then you can decide. If the answer’s no, I won’t try to force you to change your mind.” 

“Okay,” Jodi answered, his eyebrows furrowing together as the next words left her mouth, “I’m listening.” 

“Jodi, I don’t think I can imagine a life without you. I..I didn’t realize it until now, but I think you’re what has been missing from my life,” Kent fumbled over the words, his face turning slightly red in embarrassment. He fidgeted with his hands and felt a small lump form in his throat. Why was it so difficult to say what was on his mind? Jodi had always been able to read him, so why wouldn’t it work this time?  He let out a small groan of frustration and tried to find the right words. Eventually, some words managed to untangle himself from the uncooked spaghetti of his brain and he spoke, “I don’t want to spend what’s left of my life regretting what could have been. I can’t promise much, but I know that if I make it out of this alive, I’m going to love and cherish you more than anything in the world. You’re so important to me, Jodi.” 

“And, hey,” Kent added, adding a small humorless laugh before saying, “If I die, you can always marry someone else.” 

Kent waited a few more seconds, allowing Jodi to process what information he had given her thus far, before letting more of his word-vomit overflow from his lips, “I know your mother would never approve and I don’t want to ruin what you two have. If this whole thing has been a waste of your time and you never want to see me again, I wouldn’t blame you. I want you to make whatever decision you think is right, even if it hurts me. My feelings should never be more important than your own.” 

Jodi remained silent, really thinking over the words that had just been spoken to her. She thought about these past few months, about how close she and Kent had gotten, about how he had somehow changed her life and made living seem more…fun, about how little time was left, about how she may never see Kent again. She realized that she, too, couldn’t imagine living without him. She also realized Kent had given her freedoms she wasn’t able to experience before: the freedom to choose what she wanted, not what the people around her wanted. 

Jodi reached out and gently took Kent’s hand in her own. Her gaze softened as she looked at Kent’s face. She thought about what the future held, how terrifying it seemed for both of them, how you only live once, how she desperately wanted to have a future where she could live her own life.

She thought for a moment longer before finally speaking, “Yes, Kent, I’ll marry you.”

[astranauticus]

post mortem for my orv animatic bc i have lots of thoughts and yall are gonna hear all of them (that is a threat)

first is the obligatory special thanks/plagiarism declaration section but a lot of the shots in this are inspired by the original changgwi lyric video which like. please watch it there's a reason this song is a classic animatic song on bilibili like the music is good but the video definitely helped. also speaking of bilibili, special shoutout to this arknights chongyue animatic that introduced me to the song that will haunt the next 8 months of my life!

the original inspiration was the thought that the verse of the spirit telling the story of its own death felt very yjh coded but it took like another week of stewing on it to have the idea of using the final chorus for the dkos arc which was the moment i decided i have to actually make this thing

going strictly by when i started putting pen to paper (pencil to ipad screen? whatever) this took almost exactly 5 months since i created the first drafts in february but the first 3 months ish from february until may were also my school semester so. most of the progress (id say about >60%) was done in the last two months of me working on this every moment i wasnt at work (or playing project sekai, for some reason)

also! funny little detail but counting the drafts and some discarded frames my procreate stack for this thing has exactly 49 artworks in it! neat little easter egg i guess (yeah 51 wouldve been more fitting but whatever)

this fully slipped by both me (at 2am) and my friend whom i sent the finished version to (fighting the flu) but in the final edit i didn't actually include the second half of the last lyric?? it's 'i will take you to the mountain god' i apparently just wrote 'i will take you' and never finished the rest LMAO

speaking of the lyrics i dont speak korean and im not a huge fan of most english translations of this song that exists so on multiple occasions i was so tempted to just use the chinese cover someone on bilibili did because then i'd at least be confident i know where the fucking line breaks were (there's one line at the end where im pretty sure i didn't edit on the line breaks correctly but that was more of an intentional compromise because the timings would've been off otherwise. anyway) tbh the only reason i didnt do that is the atmosphere and delivery of the original song is. really unbeatable like the cover's also pretty good but it doesn't quite achieve the same effect

also speaking of things i fucked up im aware i drew sys in the wrong outfit for the dkos fight but like. ok full disclosure my orv reference folder is a complete mess (theres like 400+ images in there. for some reason) so on net ive gotten character outfits wrong while working on this thing like at least 3 times bc id just grab a random webtoon screenshot from my folder and go w it. it's just that by the time i realised i fucked up i'd already finished drawing all of sys's frames and i was too lazy to go back and change all of them LMAO

anyway yeah some other random things i wanted to whinge about:

there's a lot of effects i wanted to do that didn't quite come across due to. lack of skill/time/patience/all of the above but the one im really annoyed about is the yhk postchorus bit with the 3 circles bc. first off i think i drew those while halfway dozing off on the train to school once because uh. yeah

anyway poor drawing aside id really wanted to recreate the sort of. drawn-in effect on the circles and lines that the original lyric video had but i could NOT for the life of me figure out a way to execute that in capcut so. here we are (also you cant put transitions on overlays in capcut so that's why those also looked so bad. youre welcome)

honestly my timeline for this in capcut looks pretty ridiculous bc if you want to do word by word animations/effects you need to pay for the pro version so my workaround was just to have like five thousand text layers with 1-2 words on it each (do not recommend btw)

speaking of the text im a moron so i kinda forgot to account for the text when drawing frames and wow you can tell. yeah next time im just hand writing the text fuck this

and i have some more thoughts that are. mild to moderate webtoon spoilers so past this will be the spoiler warning line

__________________________________________________________

actually my original plan was to upload this the day dkos dies in the webtoon but a. i genuinely did think it was gonna be yesterday like i dont pay for the early access episodes so i was just kinda going off orvtwt LMAO b. i could feel myself burning out on this like the last few frames i drew for this were fucking dogshit so i figured either i finish it soon or i wont finish it at all

i will probably still draw something for dkos' death day though for those who celebrate (basically when i was thumbnailing for one of the frames in this i ended up with one that didnt fit the video aspect ratio at all but still looks pretty good so im promoting it to a full drawing. so look forward to that)

like for an idea of how fucking sick of this shit i was by like. last week pretty much like for the last few frames of the dkos fight i straight up forgot to draw dkos' wings and had to add them in halfway through editing last night. like that's how fucking out of it i was by then lmaoo

looking back its actually kinda funny cuz the whole put this up when dkos dies thing was my plan since february but i had literally no way of knowing when that would be especially since the webtoon stopped going with the novel chapter numbers exactly (i could.. guesstimate but my original estimation was in june so yknow. real useful) but like i can find evidence of me panicking about that deadline since may. why did i do that

given that deadline i knew i cant really include stuff from the novel past the dkos arc but man. the amount of times i wanted to use something from later (ESPECIALLY 1863 arc). i actually have another idea i want to test out thats like full epilogue spoilers partially because working on this for so long made me realise i really want to make more epilogue content <- what

yknow how i mentioned discarded frames yeah i had to draw dkos' death 3 times because the first two compositions just never quite panned out. i mean the current one is also pretty unreadable with the colour scheme but trust me the previous ones were way worse christ alive

[voiceofsword]

sry to bitch in your inbox abt this but im so glad you pointed out how so many modern enstarries Dont read the stories and base everything off fandom perception.. i saw these users joking about which character would say slurs and someone was ADAMANT rinne would and tho i knew it before it Really struck me then

a) none of them have ever engaged with this text in any meaningful way, ESPECIALLY not the first games' stories, because surprise! characters in es! did Canonically use slurs! and back then Nobody Liked It. we didnt joke about it. most people i know completely stopped paying attention to the characters who did until they apologized. (tho ofc its more a problem w the writing than the characters, but still. we were young. we had the spirit.)

b) people really like using rinne as a punching bag because they dont read the stories and know literally nothing about him except funny drunk drugs gamble man "fuckboy" who harasses niki and the other bees and its. infuriating.

i dont understand how anyone can claim to like a media without ever properly engaging with it, i dont understand how people have fun misunderstanding characters so drastically, and i also think joking about slurs has gotten wayyy too normalized where people feel comfortable saying these things about these characters they allegedly like. and characters like rinne (with a constructed mask of obnoxiousness and such) are the perfect target for these people. which SUCKS. all of it sucks.

NEVER BE SORRY!!!! i hope this is alright to post i thought your ask was good and insightful and i'll add onto it a little bit with my own thoughts (heart emoji)

yeah um ! was definitely a ride. i wouldnt recommend it to everyone but at least we have hindsight and things like slurs and general offensive terms/behaviors can be warned for, so that much is nice. i remember being really upset about a few of these, and then getting back into enstars earlier this year and reading a few of the more current stories + !! stories i was happy to see that the writing has developed CONSIDERABLY in terms of this especially after beasts. something ive noticed a lot of newer fans do (referencing my previous post irt the feeling morally superior) is that if you like a specific character for whatever reason youre actually a horrible person because that character said something awful once. of course youre allowed to dislike characters for whatever reason but dont tell other people they should perish because they like them (as if liking them means you implicitly agree with said views, more often than not One line in a miriad of stories that you might not even have read). but like you said, characters making ignorant comments (an unfortunate occurrence, although rare, it still happens) is not a reflection of 2d pixels on a screen but rather a team of writers..... idk. its a complicated situation. i see both sides and i think people are justified in liking or disliking but this is a game about idol boys (and girl) got dam

yeah i hate how people treat rinne a lot. like because characters like him and eichi are villains that means everything that they do or say is, at worst, a straight, physical threat to everyone around them, or at best, an annoyance that can make the fandom feel justified in making them the butt of reoccurring jokes. idk what else to say about him that i havent said already but its also 3 am now and i SAID i was gonna go to sleep an hour ago but i think i might just be a filthy liar

ALSO its probably because enstars is long, there's a lot to read and although tl's arent necessarily hard to come by you actively have to seek them out. again i understand how this might be a nuisance but instead of sitting down and listening to summaries or analysis ive noticed that a lot of short form consumption content lends itself to people just. posting the most reactive interpretations, and people playing a game of telephone with said information until a lot of the fandom has come to accept this misinformation as true. LIKE SOMEONE ON TIKTOK SAYING HAJIME AND WATARU WERE RELATED? IDEK IF THAT WAS A JOKE OR NOT? and yeah the use of slurs is like ridiculously normalized now im not one to say whether people can or cannot reclaim slurs and people are free to do as they like if they can. i see this one thing specifically with tatsumi a lot where people jokingly bring up how said character is homophobic or make homophobic comments towards characters even if theyre being like. excited or happy. and idk. personally it makes me sad. like maybe its fandom culture now maybe im old (is 23)

WHY WOULD RINNE SAY SLURS HES LITERALLY GAY AND IN LOVE....COME AWN NOW

[expensive-rainbows]

cw: SA, intrusive thoughts

ok so i know ive told yall some of this but idk how much ive told yall. so bassically three years ago there was this man who would hold the door for my bus since we always got there late so we would get locked out. keep in mind i know i shouldnt feel obligated to share what i was wearing but i cant help but feel that might be part of the reason why he targeted me. my favorite shirt was a sheer blue shirt that you could see my bra through if you looked close enough. this was during winter and i took my coat off on the bus since i didnt want to deal with it at school. he would ask me if i was a Eskimo (im mexican) and i would tell him no and keep walking. he had jolly ranchers and would give everyone some, but he gave me more than everyone else. he would give me double sometimes triple what everyone else got. i found it creepy so i never ate them, i just put them in my backpack and threw them out at the end of the year. everyday, when he held the door for me, and i watched how he treated everyone else and it was only me, he would take up more and more of the doorway everyday. like the first day he would take up a little, the next he would take up a little more, until he got to the point where he wasnt touching me (since im pretty sure its illegal) but that i knew he could if he wanted to. at the same time he would wait outside my fifth hour while we all waited in a line since my teacher went to the bathroom before class. he started by standing in the center of the hallway, and didnt leave until i made eye contact with him. everyday he got closer, until again he didnt touch me, but he was less than a foot away, and he had me cornered. i knew he could do whatever he wanted and no one would see. this lasted about two weeks and ended on december 16, 2023. I remember because it was a thursday and i was so happy the next day when he disappeared. idk if it was just this or something else that ive blocked out, but im terrified of men. like just in general. its been three years and i cant look my band teacher in the eye. ive had him for three years. i couldnt hug my dad for the first three months. my dad is one of the nicest people ive ever met. i know he would never knowingly take advantage of someone. i cant talk to my english teacher alone, i need my friend to go with me to ask to go to the bathroom. but dont worry this is a happy story. so sorry but im gonna give yall even more context. so my school take all the music kids of my grade to a like smaller amusement park, which isnt near us, its a good drive to get there. its kind of a big deal. plus we have one in our town, but its a lot smaller than the one we went to. so anyway the trip was today, and the band group took a picture together. i was in the back row, and idk if the guys in front of me knew i was there or how close i was to them but i was pretty close. like i could see the creases on the back of one of their necks. i could smell him. (he had some sort of cologne on, not axe body spray but close) but i didnt freak out or anything. like i noticed, but i didnt go home and have a panic attack or anything, i wasnt convinced that he was gonna r@pe me, nothing. i was fine. do you have any idea how long its been since i could say that. since i could say that i was fine and mean it. i didnt have a panic attack, didnt hurt myself (i did break my streak a little big ago, but thats because since were at the end of the school year im very sleep deprived and i have exams and i started working plus taekwondo so im busy and tired. and when im tired i take everything personally) its been three years since i could say i was fine and truly mean it. i still get a little weird around guys/men, but its getting better. now its only physical proximity, i can look them in the face! i know this probably sounds sad but im honestly happy. also quick question.

[fictionfixations]

ive been trying to get into wuthering waves because it seems interesting (and i had the space because of a genshin-shaped hole that was deleted from existence because i didnt have enough to keep feeding it)

but okay

my one issue besides the whole huge lag and stuttering and everything

like. okay yeah the audio is laggy, its delayed, sometimes its entirely nonexistent

but. my one problem is that the text doesnt scroll down to the end. like you can tell that they're still talking but the dialogue box just cuts it off (theres no log box as far as i can see) so if you cant hear what they say. then. sure hope it isnt something important.

also another thing to note. you know that beginning cutscene and you end up in the water but upside down? (i watched someone play the first bit so it gave me some leeway to skip through parts id already seen while trying to figure out how to un-lag it. which i didnt figure out)

it just. didnt appear. at all. i think it was because it was loading for so long cause at one point i heard my character do like an idle line?? and then later it went to the other characters finding us

(this is in no way me being like 'aHH wUWA SUCKS' because i get that its still kind of in its beginning stages so theres a lot of bugs to work out. if anything, im really interested by it. i like the colors, i like the characters, i like playing them, and i want to see where the story goes.)

it'll probably get fixed and all sorts of quality of life updates (or whatever its called when there are updates for player convenience) in the future, just something thats kind of frustrating i wanted to note thats probably in no way a new issue (the reddit has a bunch of posts about the lag ngl)

also also

this isnt voiced

this is the next line

[unfunky-and-out-of-time]

seeing a lot of reactions to ep 7 and as someone who has barely seen ep 4-6 i thought id be the perfect person to share my thoughts on it

this was more watchable than the other eps. tbh i am lowkey checked out w most of the character and seeing the ones i really liked become boring is a shame..... mm was my absolute fav and theres something about his arc this season that feels like his character is stagnating. when i thought his struggle in s3 was arguably one of the best arcs of the entire show! so yeah idk. that sucks

frenchie idgaffffffffffffff about i think he stopped being a good character after s2. tbh the show is generally at its strongest when it explores the dynamics between the characters and idk whats up but i think the writers this season got sick of it? its silly

^ adding to this. hughie and butchers dynamic is just completely gone..... kind of funny bc this is literally what its been about. imagine breaking bad but walt and jesse dont talk. the few dynamics they still remember feel like theyve been... declawed? mm and butcher fight but its whatever. annie and butcher disagree and who gaf they HAVE to work together (i strongly disagree with this and also i dont think the boys shouldve reunited at the end of s3 but thats another story)

i also really dislike that we havent brought up lenny in so long. he's so crucial to butchers character. i also just generally miss butcher and homelanders dynamic even if idgaf about him. that was the other central dynamic of the show imo. i miss when butcher would hallucinate homelander mocking him! i need kessler to start rolling his eyes at butcher or else....

a few specific thoughts:

ive known about butcher cheating on becca for months now and thought it was incredibly stupid and ruined a lot of his character. mulled over it for a few months and came to the conclusion that its not absolutely out of character. i do think butchers relationship with becca is his central moral guide and that he put much more on her than you should in any healthy relationship and that she was probably aware of it but definitely not to the total extent. like i always say he probably just spent hours staring at the wall waiting for her to come home when they were married. i also think he is a huge self-saboteur and i do believe becca made him want to be better (even if its not in a traditionally healthy way etc whateverrr) but i think especially with a guy like him it wasnt all very straight and nice. they must have had a lot of ups and downs and i think becca knew him as much as he let her (in s2 she says something along the lines with "this didnt start with me" and butcher also says "what was i before you? nothing") because that to me would show what made their relationship so special and central to butchers character. i do not think her death made him snap, i think her love made him hold back and believe he was content with a simple life even if that would never be the case. at the same time i think he fully believed he was completely undeserving of her love and that paired with his alcohol abuse would get to him.

"becca lied to both butcher and ryan so ryan saying she would want him to tell the truth doesnt make sense" this is kind of funny bc like..... she is allowed to be a hypocrite? and i think it makes her much more interesting for it? she was dealt absolutely shitty cards and the entire situation is unjust so pointing this out is kind of weird. she can absolutely preach one thing and do another this is literally every other character on this show

butcher and ryans dynamic is probably the only thing i have an unpopular opinion on but thats because my take on them is heavily painted by their pre s3-finale interactions and the writers chose to take a different route with them after that

[twooowars]

if there is a hell i KNOW my father in law is going there when he dies. where the fuck do i even begin? this story will just Have to exclude little details. there is so very very much and it's been transpiring over the course of a few years.

so this dude is a manipulative, abusive, useless, garbage piece of shit whose gaslighting bullshit started decades ago. i won't go too in depth on this part bc i dont want to overshare someone else's information but there will be parts of this story where you may think jesus christ, how is this still going on? buddy i ask myself the same kinds of questions but let ye who has a healthy relationship with your parents cast the first stone. the context needed to have sympathy here is that this is a Long LONG complex situation that we're talking about. for a Bit if background, my partner didnt see or hear from his father between 2015 and 2019. so. take that as you will going forward.

it started about 3 years ago when a series of careless decisions left Me (somehow one of the most level-headed people involved!!!!! if you can imagine!!!!!!!) in possession of literal decades worth of my father in law's hoarded shit. being a hoarder is not a moral failing, but deciding to get rid of the stuff and pawning it all off on your son and his partner is Annoying to say the very fucking least. this was obnoxious but i thought At Most that it was a shitty but temporary situation.

WRONG

he expected us to hold on to it until he was ready to have it back. my partner being Too Patient and Honestly The Real Victim Here for having this man as a father chose to honour this wish. as you can imagine this inch became a mile quickly.

he started demanding to crash on the couch, threatening suicide and claiming domestic violence and things of that nature. i cant confirm or deny the domestic violence allegations but i will say that he has made these claims everywhere he has ever lived. this turned very quickly into him manipulating my partner into letting him move in with us. i knew it would go horribly but my hands were sort of tied (knew FIL could and would use any excuse to isolate partner from his loved ones so ive been treading the Bad Guy line very carefully here). i should also point out that FIL's girlfriend at the time was His Perfect Equal in every way and so my partner was biased towards hating her more, as she was someone he had just met.

immediately i had problems living with him. i have Always hated him because he used to misgender me constantly, so i should state this bias now. he seems to view me through a lens that is transphobic, homophobic and misogynistic all at once - that is to say, he believes i should be responsible for all the housework, and that i should listen to his every word and meet his every demand without complaint. it started out with him talking at me Constantly. i don't mean we were conversing, i mean that this man would sit behind me while i did chores and tell stories about pranks he used to pull in the 80s all day, getting annoyed if i tried to change the topic. throughout the course of these stories it became constantly clearer and clearer to me that he was absolutely an irredeemable piece of shit. to put it bluntly, almost all his stories put him in a bad light and he didnt seem to realise at all. he started to get really annoyed with me in general for not laughing at his bullshit, challenging his constant use of racial slurs, and not appreciating the homophobic comments he made about me on a daily basis. (i know you read "homophobic" and "use of slurs" and now you have a burning question, so i will answer; yes he Does call me a faggot). he quickly became my number 1 sworn enemy. to be extremely clear, yes, the fact that he is sitting and watching housework be done does mean he doesnt do any himself. he has outright stated that he thinks i should be obligated to take care of him. we'll return to this point. fucking trust me.

by this point in the story you're wondering why my partner has not kicked him out of the house. i KNOW. but it does become more complicated when you realise that at the time my partner was working 11 hour shifts every day and FIL was a completely different guy around him. still obnoxious and a bit arrogant, but nowhere near the human waste i had come to know. it started to get to the point where i was furiously angry at this dude 24/7 but my partner had never seen him do more than make an out of touch joke. this is the part where i say something vague about how i have mental health issues that i dont want to air out, but suffice to say that making me look paranoid and reactive is Not a hard task.

one night while i was doing dishes, i stopped to use the bathroom and FIL broke 3 of my wine glasses while i was gone. a gigantic fight ensued where he attempted to convince me i had actually broken them myself and my partner walked in on this happening. this is when i first thought the tides would turn and things would get better. partner atarted to see the issues but wanted to give him the chance to change. at this point he is still under the impression that his dad is someone who is perpetually down on his luck, who has had a difficult life and has been mistreated by everyone around him. basically is treating him like a shelter dog who is lashing out but still good at heart. he hasnt heard the same stories yet as i have of the guy who has had everything in his life handed to him for free, but is such a dickhead that he has fucked over everyone who ever tried to help him and fucked himself doubly in the process. after a certain point it started to wear on our ability to spend time together when i was constantly complaining about his dad instead of talking to him about literally anything else, so i honestly started to carry this on my own for a bit.

anyway, it becomes one of those "sit him down" situations. to remind you, this is a borderline senior citizen and not a toddler. they set out a timeline for him to stop drinking so heavily (alcoholism is also not a moral failing but it does have consequences for the people around you, so i get why he thought this would help) and as it became more and more obvious to my partner that his dad was not actually aiming to reach Any of these goals and had Zero respect for his boundaries, we set up our own little secret timeline for me to get a job so we could afford to move again. (i do have a job rn but i am often unemployed due to uhhh Obvious Reasons). so, things are going well yes? the veneer is cracking, he is proving himself selfish and unreliable. this should be about where it ends, yes?

WRONG

MIL passed extremely suddenly last july. the relationship there is somehow even more complex than this one so i won't even go into it, but we'll just say that this Fucked my partner up mentally very badly. he had a lot of trauma open back up and suddenly became very invested in fixing his relationships with his family members. i have never had to process grief on this level so i cant judge it. he decided to give his dad one more chance and for a little while i tried to be cool with this.

the relationship between FIL and i continued to deteriorate. after the wine glass fiasco i literally have refused to speak to him. this has not changed in about a year. i Hate this man more than i can say and my life is better for not interacting with him. i digress. me ignoring him becomes very Very contentious around the house, again it seems like i am the one Causing the majority of household tension because i am the most reactive to it. this sucks shit but is usually how things go when you are prone to being overemotional. a massive argument ensues between my partner and i where we eventually come to the decision that i will move out for a few months until our lease naturally ends. we obviously didnt break up or i would have referred to him as my ex at some point but i knew removing the buffer would make him see that his dad is a pure shithead. i dont know where else to interject this but the dude has also stolen a total of 26 full packs of cigarettes from me and this alone warrants the death penalty.

so. let's talk about the last 5 months, shall we?

turns out this dude was somehow putting on airs on my behalf. all of his behaviour immediately got more extreme because he felt like he had won. the buzzkill faggot (his words) was gone and he could really cut loose. cutting loose involved such choices as

leaving strangers in the house unattended for hours, resulting in theft on multiple occasions totalling thousands

physically removing important pieces from the shower (the knobs, mainly) whenever i visit and forgetting where he's hidden them so that no one can shower for days

continuing to refuse housework despite the fact there is one less person in the house now to help out and the house is in a neighbourhood with roaches

smoking in the house (we have a pet)

allowing strangers to smoke meth in the house (once again smoking meth is not a moral failing but to reiterate we do have a pet and she is just Two Inch Large)

turning heaters off and even opening windows in the dead of winter (i cant see this one as anything but an outright attempt to kill the mouse as even he ends up walking around in a coat and hat inside when he does this)

taking my partner's food out of the freezer and leaving it out on the counters all day long to replace it with his own shit (which he will not eat, he eats out every day because he cant cook)

tripling down on the racist shit

... and more!

not only did he do all of these things but at some point he has managed to blame every single one of these actions on me. he literally outright said that he doesn't do housework because i should be coming over and doing it. to be clear I HAVE BEEN STAYING WITH FRIENDS AND RELATIVES FOR THE PAST 6 MONTHS. at this point youre Really thinking "you've kicked him out, right?" and im pleased to report that we have. but the story is still not over because the cockroach refuses to die and the entire house is filled with his shit. (remember his shit from the beginning? yeah.) he has been given a firm date he Has to leave by but until then we're still dealing with this nightmare human (in my opinion, we should have just thrown his shit to the side of the road, but im trying to be Calm Guy lately). he's reacting to being kicked out by throwing a number of temper tantrums each day, making sure his schedule is Unknowable, and insulting everyone around him at every possible opportunity. also, doing all the same shit that everyone has been mad at him for for decades and continuing somehow to blame it on Me.

so, where does this leave us? well, at the moment we are trying to finalize our next steps. we do actually have a bit longer on this lease than we've led him to believe, so we have until the fall to sort this out. to be honest it is much easier and calmer knowing that i dont have to consider this horrible man or his shit this time. as for where he's going to put it all, i don't know and i dont care. if he chooses to leave without taking it and ditch it all on us, in our neighbourhood i promise you it will all last 3 hours max on the roadside.

im annoyed, angry, and frustrated that all of this happened. but moreso than anything i am so fucking pleased to say that i think i am Finally rid of my father in law. praise be to the unknown cyber being.

there is more to this story, more details of provable lies he's told, more offensive obnoxious and downright horrible shit he has said to me and about me as well as to and about others, the kleptomania, the fact that he has been trying to make me act as his secretary in addition to all of this and file government paperwork on his behalf, the fact he has been pretending he once slept with my mother since 1986, the list goes on so far and so deep that i couldnt possibly write it all down here. but, this is the abridged version of my personal nightmare in-law story. if you read it i hope you hate him as much as i do.

[strawberryspeachy]

I was scrolling through my pictures and found a guide for things to study to prepare one of my students for moving to america

Its pretty detailed and makes me wonder if im getting stupider as time goes on because i forgot about several things that i came up with without even researching 2 years ago

While looking at it i remembered

The boy asked me actually. He asked me about school in the states and he was worried about some of the classes. I tried to put his mind at ease for the transition and assure him that he’ll have help for most things.

He was half white and his dad was american. His dad was a writer actually and he told me about his books during a speaking test. So he spoke english fluently. Actually that was something he was worried about. He said his dad told him he has an accent - he really didnt.

But on that I started to ask him about things we do in English class back home. He had no idea about even the basics. Not surprising. They dont do things that involve critical thought in japanese schools.

I started briefly explaining some things to him and told him id make him a guide

Then. We were cut off

The teacher came and told me he needed to go eat lunch.

Later she came and apologized to me because he told her that he asked me for advise and that he was nervous realizing that he wasnt prepared for American English classes.

She thought i just went to talk to a kid. Stopped him from going to lunch. And was stressing him out.

Not because i do that but because thats how japanese teachers see foreigners here. Being weird idiots that bother ppl

And the thing is id forgotten about that till just now.

I HATED that feeling as an ALT. Im s weird person - but not a fucking weirdo who harasses children to talk me. I hated when the teachers tried to make me do that. And i hated when they assumed thats what happened whenever a student came to talk to me.

Theyd always look worried and annoyed when students were talking to me and theyd shoo them away. And i couldnt say its ok or anything. I couldnt say or do anything. Just smile and encourage the kid that the jaapnese teacher had a good reason for telling them to not talk to me

The thing is. I liked the teacher i just mentioned. She was one of the nicest ones i worked with as an ALT. I forgot about all the shitty times with her. She got nicer to me after my mom died. All the teachers did. I noticed and i know. But somewhat also forget.

It took a horrible thing for them to see me as a human. And to just look at what i do as another person and not a strange alien they must protect the children from.

I came to japan for a paid vacation. I wanted to explore and enjoy traveling going to concerts meeting ppl and just having a good time.

Id planned to go home and take care of my mom. I thought i could write stories while i was here and look for a job back home.

Then corona hit and ruined everything. I never even got to see my mom again

Never got to feel stability

Now the money ive saved up is worth half the value back home

I have nothing to fucking show for my time here

I cant afford to go back to america

My moms not there

I dont even have a house to return to

Im so much worse off now than when i left if i go back

But i also cant deal with that degrading treatment again. Even as a legit teacher in a school working through a company middleman im treated as less than.

As an ALT i was treated like a fucking idiot mascot play toy. Like equipment. Not a person.

And as a native teacher - last year - god do you know how fucking annoying it is to have ppl who can’t speak your native language tell you whats correct?!? To be told to keep students in line, motivate them, teach them, and entertain them all while having someone undermine you at every turn. Them complain the students dont respect you. I mean that was only with 5 kids in 432 students. And thats the other fucking problem. Last year my schools students were wonderful. They were friendly smart motived and kind. Except 2 bitchy girls and one boy - the girls turned like 3 more kids in their class against me. But the rest of my students liked me. And because the PE turned English teacher didnt like english he bitched about me and used those few kids against me. I have more than 420 actively improving their assignments and having full english conversations with me. I have the two loud classes all the teachers hate because they refuse to do their work - coming to me and asking if they did my assignments correctly and asking when they need help - but because a handful of kids dont like me - that teacher turns me into a bad guy and gets me the boot.

And thats the shit to expect with even the better job i have.

The school im not rn has a native teacher who uses his charisma to make life better for the native teachers at the school. This is the best im gonna get

I cant find another job. Im trying but too many ppl want to come to japan rn

I really cant afford to go back home

And im entirely out of the patience to be treated like a fucking slave. Literally at this point. Between the shit wages that keep going down and high costs. I cant afford the shit job that wants me to act like the japanese assholes dog. Treating me however they want and i have to just smile back

I want my mom. I want to go back to when i had my pets and my house and lived near my friends.

I keep saying it but its true. Im living the future that i used to have in my nightmares and wake up screaming from. I want to wake up again back before 2011

[miiilowo]

hey you realize i can read your reblog right. i wasnt saying half the shit you put in here, i do think hes an irredeemable abusive asshole, so dont insult me and boil down my interpretation of him down to "tumblr sexyman who can do no wrong", thanks.

first off, this whole, general post, isn't worded very well, mostly because i am/was irritated at the shitty writing this series does have and always has had. its great that you managed to piece together whatever the hell this is back in 2015, thats fantastic, good for you! that doesn't change that to me, and to an extremely large portion of the fanbase, this felt very badly done and phoned in because the amount of clues that Were dropped (if you can even say they were actual clues at all) were far and few inbetween, and wouldn't lead someone to believe that william is pumping hallucinogenic fear gas into his childrens bedrooms. when you set up shit in a certain way, people are going to believe that Thats What The Story Is, because thats typically how storytelling. yknow. works. this isnt some masterful plot twist, hell, this isnt even point a to point b. ive always thought that the "closed due to leaks" thing was william trying to cover his ass because an animatronic he built MURDERED HIS OWN CHILD and he was attempting to come up with an excuse/a coverup. a lot of other people Also thought this. it's not an out there assumption to make, and acting like people are stupid for not managing to get "fear gas chambers" from "closed due to leaks" just doesnt seem fair to me lmfao

second of all, it wasnt a silly headcanon i came up with and got MAD that scott would DARE to interfere with MY AFTON that he cared for his children, it was based off evidence that was given to us in the games, because william afton in The Games is different to william afton in The Books. not everything is going to line up. for example, in the books, he sedated/put the kids to sleep before killing them, which would demonstrate a level of care of some kind, or at least a lack of complete cruelty when it comes to the murders. but i dont think he did that when he killed charlie outside in the rain. do you understand what im getting at? their characterization isnt identical in a manner of ways, and since i apparently wasnt Smart Enough and i was too absorbed in my "uwu tumblr sexyman afton" interpretation to get scotts supposedly master plan correct or whatever, i interpreted the following as him (though in a fucked up helicopter parent sort of way) trying to keep an eye on and protect his children while he was busy working because hes a neglectful piece of shit:

security cameras all over the house and in bedrooms

circus baby being modeled after elizabeth, and william repeatedly telling elizabeth to stay away from circus baby, presumably because he didnt want her to get hurt (i dont think this is an insane leap of logic to make either)

the fredbear plushie being a way to monitor evan specifically as he is constantly terrified (among other things regarding his own motives)

generally, i dont think someone who essentially founded chuck e cheese would hate children, let alone his own kids

your argument includes the fact that someone who loves their kids wouldn't do any of these things. this isnt true. someone whos a Good Parent wouldnt do these things. someone whos a Bad parent but still loves their kids to some degree might. theres a big difference there. evil people have things they care about, and i personally think that having afton care about his children but being a bad parent who goes about it in a Bad Way is much more interesting than him just being some abusive dad lmfao. im not trying to make him cute or redeemable or whatever the fuck else you might think. it may not be the perfect unconditional love that Good Characters and Good People are capable of, but we are both well aware that he's neither of those things, yes?

while none of those things were stated as being outright canon ways he cared about his kids with afton turning to the camera and telling the reader that, it was still a theory of mine that got disrupted a bit, and i feel like being upset over something like that is fair. not to pull the "im literally neurodivergent and a minor" card, but FNAF and Namely william have been a special interest of mine (autism) for nearly 9 years now. im going to be a little bit sensitive about this kind of thing. especially when my favorite character of all time who i hold dearly to me gets a wrench thrown in what i thought was his characterization by shitty writing

everyone's interpretations of the timelines and characters differ, ive just been very frustrated that people keep acting like this was the plan the whole time and shitting on people who got upset about it. scotts been phoning it in for the whole 9 years hes been making fnaf, but youd think at this point maybe, just maybe, they'd learn when to leave things behind. apparently not. (for the record, i do think it was michael in fnaf 4, and i thought it was likely the illusion discs if not a nightmare induced by the guilt of killing his younger brother. having it be the nightmare option is more compelling to me as well, considering it, oh, i dunno, Gives The Protagonist Motivation And Depth, but i guess we should throw that out the window too since everyone knew this was coming and 95% of the fanbase just happened to miss it)

honestly? im mostly irritated by the fear gas stuff because if its actual intention is to explain fnaf 4, then my main reasoning for why william actually cared about his kids in the game canon is out the window. if people are correct, and the monitors didnt exist to watch them to make sure they were safe (considering he was never home or working on shit relating to his career) but Instead existed to monitor them when their rooms were being pumped with fucking. hallucinogenic gas. god. pulling my hair out

[ziptieparty]

i havent seen anyone alloromantic specifically talk about their experiences in aplatonicism, so i thought that more input from a different perspective could be useful?

i relatively recently (maybe 2-3 months ago) saw someone use the word "aplatonic" to describe themselves, and several things clicked into place with me, my general thought process being something like "of course theres a subset of aspec labels for platonic attraction, people feel romantic and sexual attraction separately so obviously theres a platonic side to." and i left it at that for awhile but something about it stuck with me.

i suppose ill start at the beginning,

when i was a kid i was mainly friends with boys, and for awhile i attributed this to being trans and just relating more to male peers. i do still believe this to be a factor but now thinking back on it i realized there was a pattern to my relationships.

at one point or another, i had had crushes on almost all of them.

i realized all at once that the only reason i had even spoken to a majority of my childhood friends was because i had been romantically attracted to them at the beginning of our friendships.

now, i can anticipate some kind of argument along the lines of "thats just how crushes and friendships grow with everyone" or some such nonsense

but i can say with my whole chest that thats not what was happening.

im not very good at explaining things in a way that makes sense to most, but i will attempt to be as clear as possible.

a lot of people wanted to be my friend.

i was funny and loud and friendly to my classmates. i liked to play tag at recess and brought pokemon cards and my tamagotchi to school before they were banned. i shared the parts of my lunches i didnt want, i stood up to bullies, and sat with people that were alone.

but that was about the extent of it

i was friendly

but i was never your friend

i generally considered myself a "loner" and no matter how friendly or talkative or persistent or technically compatible my classmates were-

it never took.

i just. wanted to do what i wanted to do.

i had kids i interacted with often and i named them friends when prompted to list any, but i never actually. spoke to them? it was more like i sat next to them and we did things alongside eachother (parallel play style) and i would say little things to them like hello or good morning or maybe that i liked their shoes but i never like. discussed what i liked with them or vice versa. i couldnt tell you a thing about them beyond their names.

this pattern continued until i started to develop crushes, suddenly i was initiating contact with kids without outside factors. i sat with them and gave them the sweet parts of my food and for the first time

i asked them questions

i wanted to know if they liked the cartoons i did and who their favorite characters were, i was curious about what they liked and what they thought. their input mattered to me.

a majority of my relationships from then on followed similar patterns, i thought they were cute or funny and so i talked to them and could tolerate the connection that followed.

i didnt keep my feelings for a lot of them of course, i had no way of knowing who these people were before getting to know them but the point still stands; i had to have a crush on them first.

this wasnt always the case with my friends, sometimes when i would interact with someone the stars would align and id stay in contact somehow and id end up with a friend that didnt start with romantic feelings.

my life gets messy from my teens on and i will spare you my life story, but i ended up in a position that i only had one person i could pass off as a friend. the relationship was just like the ones from my early childhood, i just kind of existed alongside her and i couldnt really tell you anything about her.

ive never formed bonds with anyone without outside influence and the ones i did were rare or romantic at first. isolation doesnt really bother me, i dont like or need to talk to people often, my own family barely knows me and has to force my interaction

sometimes i kind of joke with my husband that id never had a real friend before because i could never tell him anything about the friends i still had when i had met him, and now i think i have the words to describe why?

im not entirely sure what i should label myself, demiplatonic fits but i feel is a disservice to the people that i was or am friends with that were faster and didnt start romantically. perhaps grayplatonic or something but im just going with aplspec for the moment.

[jackassbroadcast]

Hello im a Tommy enthusiast who watched that one stream where he monologued to foolish for like hafe an hour bc i heard it was a cool stream or wtv to realize how much amazing character moments it had that barly anyone in this damn fandom is talking about so ill fucking do it

(Only after finishing this i realized i wrote 1.7k words LOL OOPS)

If u dont know what in talking about its this stream (apologies for linking a clips channel the actual vod on foolish's channel is deleted by now)

Also heads up /rp /dsmp every time i refer to someone here by name is their character unless stated otherwise bc writing c! Before every name Is tiring LOL

Also // suicidal idealization , death mentions

The conversation starts off with foolish and tommy mining for Wilbur, and foolish questions how simply mining will solve the problem to which Tommy reponds with "they dont get solved, do they? It just ends uo with some madman screaming 'Hes solved it!' And now look at him." And how he wants to "prevent the problem before it goes outta hand" something that clearly references Wilbur and his destruction of lmanburg, which paired with him collecting stone for Wilbur as the way to stop said problems he believes if he does anything he can for Wilbur and support him by his side enough this time around, that he wont do anything like thay again, which as im writing this makes be realize by doing that we learn hes blaming himself for what happened to Wilbur in November 16th and pogtopia and a whole, by not being enough for Wilbur in his mind.

The conversation continues, foolish off hand asks why would tommy want to stop Wilbur? Weren't they friends at some point? To which tommy leads foolish to lmanburg and tells him the story of the nation (how it was him and Wilbur's nation, how they made it to espace dream's iron fist and how they held an election "which puts your life on the line, which is good- if you're confident but- perhaps we were too confident", how they lost)

Tommy: "You know the phrase: 'treat other how you wanna be treated', foolish? People dont ever listen to it. Wilbur- he decided he wanted to be treated poorly so he treated everyone around him poorly "

This Tommy quote, to me at least, so so amazingly strong in conveying how understanding he is? To the world around him. Like-

I have not seen one person bring this quote up, and yet its (at least to me) shows such growth and understanding in Tommy i saw little to nothing like it in other streams. It shows he understands, he knew Wilbur didnt change just because, he knows he was struggling, that he thought everyone around him were againt him, were going to abandon him the first chance theyll get- and he thought he deserved it. So he, as a last way to defend himself against that, hurt them first, abandoned them first, so theyll see how much of a 'bad' person he was and take him out- and tommy saw right through that, possibly understanding it more after exile.

This next qoute was talked about much more but i still wanna bring it up

Foolish: "Do you believe in second chances?"

Tommy: "Oh, no I don't really believe that its not really a thing for me foolish its just that-" *sigh* "- i believe everyone has a little bit of good in then and this is not about giving him a second chance or a third chance- its not about *chances* foolish. Its about not giving up on the poeple you care about. "

Which. I mean. I dont know how healthy that mindset is, but comign from Tommy it makes so much sense.

Techno, tubbo, eret, sapnap. These are all people Tommy used to be extremely close to, had either a war or had been betrayed by them, and yet still found it in his heart that he still cares for them, with all of these, they did horrendous things, that hurt tommy physically and mentally, while also not being once or twice, but a contentious thing, but while tommy is to this day still effected by their actions he still found it in himself to forgive, because he knows he fucked up too, a lot, and he knoes they learned from their mistakes just as he had (except c!techno FUCKKK c!techno mf doesnt learn SHITTT) and he knows, when the time comes he knows hed want the people he hurt to forgive him too. (And he wants Wilbur to do the same)

Next qoute i will cut to a couple parts because its really so good and full of character i had to bro

Foolish: "Do you consider yourself to be the good guy or the bad guy?"

Tommy: "It really depends who you ask, isn't it? Yknow? If you asked dream he'd say im *his little toy that he plays with* you know? It doesnt.."

This part really stunned me when i first heard it because, and correct me If im wrong, but i dont think tommy ever acknowledged how dream sees him, and  how right he has his viewpoint too. Just the fact tommy is so *painfully* aware of how dream doesnt even see him as a person anymore but just a toy to mess around with for a while than just throw it away when it get too boring really hurt me. Someone give this kid a hug

(Continued) Tommy: "...foolish, honestly? I used to consider myself 'the good guy', you know? The fuckin'- second in command! But these past- these past like six months or so, foolish, everything got so much harder than it was before. Because before it was just us vs bad guys, it was all so clear! But- its not been 'clear' for so long, right? It wasn't; 'these are the bad guys! These are the good guys!' Now it's : 'he's doing this and it makes him a bit worse-' i mean, it all got so complicated, so- i don't know. Depends who you ask."

He says this, in response to foolish asking if hes a good guy- but its awfully similar to if Wilbur asked him if they were the bad guys. Because foolish just asked about him, and yet in his answer tommy made sure to keep using the words "us, he's, guys" as if hes not really talking about himself, as if hes explaining how Wilbur was wrong. Which he was. Also something interesting ive noticed, he says "the last 6 months or so", which indicated that with Wilbur he knew better to follow his word and leadership- with Wilbur he was always on the right side but when he lost him he felt much more lost alone, and couldn't trust himself enough to be on the "right side" .

Foolish: "I dont know, it all seems strange because just from, you know- hearing from others and, you know, learing a little bit, its seems like you've been the hero, you've been the villain, the conqueror, the savior, and, even now, i have no idea what you exactly are."

Tommy: "that's up to you to decide, isn't it? Im just- *uh*  i dont know. These days, foolish, I'm a little weaker than i used to be"

Foolish couldn't be more right with what he said, another example of this we see where a character acknowledges tommy never sticks to one thing us Charlie when calling him "tommy fron nowhere" which shows more how he cant stick to one thing, during the course of him on the server he had been friends and enemy with nearly everyone, been on pretty much all sides, and while never really intentionally, being in the center of conflict. When foolish says he doesnt know who tommy is anymroe at this point and all Tommy says in return is that "hes a little weaker than he used to be" does to show he misses who he used to be, with lmanburg, with Wilbur, when he knew who he was, now he doesn't know who he is anymore, but still so desperately want to be more demonstrated by the lines coming rigth after that one:

(Continued) Tommy: "..I'm not- I'm now who i want to be, but-"

Foolish: "Being honest with you, Tommy, that's the same case for me as well."

Tommy: "...heres the thing, foolish, unlike you i dont really have a choice. I have to try and be who i want to be, because if i dont, very bad things are gonna happen in this server. And now that Wilbur's back i can't- quite frankly *no one* can risk that. So i dont really have a choice."

Tommy want's to change- he wants to be better than he is now, to be closer to who he used to be, no matter how impossible that might be, but he also sees it as an immediate thing, he wants to change now, or asap, which is why hes collecting stone for Wilbur in the first place- old him would've done that with ease just because Wilbur asked and he wants to have that back so badly, asap. The way he talked about this reminded me of when he tried getting over his trauma stream before he went in the prison to kill dream: he knew he wasnt the best but he tried getting over that asap to go kill dream asap. He didnt wanna take the long road of years of healing and instead thought he could get over it just like that, and that experience clearly didnt teach him anything because now hes trying to slide back to the relationship he and Wilbur used to have and ignoring the drastic changes they both had plus the bad moments that were the reason they feel out in the first place, or maybe he knows, but at this point, after everything that happened to him and the server, he doesnt care anymore? He knows hes not the same he was and he'll never be the same, because thats not how it works, but his mentor, president, big brother is back after so long tommy felt so lost and alone he thinks maybe, this time around, with Wilbur, he could try and be better again.

[omegawolverine]

I love it when people talk about things they're passionate about, tell me something cool!! Anything you want, just something you find interesting or want to talk about :D

hello anon my beloved, I am in a bad mood so you will be receiving a passionate, yet lowkey of pissy rant about why villainizing bakugou makes me wanna vomit and its NOT just because I'm a dumbass kinnie :)

tws: child abuse (emotional and physical), near death expierences, bullying, kidnapping, suffocation, lots of trauma in general tbh. if you've seen bnha then basically just keep all the general triggering plot stuff in mind incase i missed any warnings

also, note: I havent caught up on bnha in a minute, I'm at like the start of the war arc but I barely remember shit there tbh so like. probs missing new stuff. also bnha spoiler warnings lol

so, for starters, the homie bakugou has like,, a good handful of issues that come from his childhood that explain why he's an ass. he was always praised and never actually reprimanded for being a twat which led to him having a huge ego that ended up fucking him over majorly. this ego was something that his mother acknowledged him having, but literally didnt try to fix it with anything other than violence. see here:

like, instead of trying to help him, she hits and insults him, which is probably what led to his weird inferiority/superiority complex. being constantly told by others that you're outstanding and one day you'll be a top hero because you're rude and aggressive and then going home and being hit by your mother for those exact same behaviors is bound to fucking confuse a child.

so like, now that we've established that its definetly canon that his mother (parents? I think he said parents at some point but masaru doesn't seem like the type so 🤷) hits him though we don't know how much or how often (though if bakugou was as much of a little shit back then ((which as far as we've seen- he was)) then it was probably often), lets talk about how regardless of all that 1) hitting your kids as "discipline" not only doesn't work but is abusive lol like idc if it's spanking/popping them on the mouth for talking shit, slapping them across the face "on occasion", etc. shits not okay 2) hitting your kids!!!! does not work!!!!!!!! it is literally PROVEN not to work!!!!!!!! hitting a child who has done something wrong doesnt teach them to stop doing something it teaches them to be scared of you, which will cause the child to withdraw, removing part of their support system (assuming said abusive parents would even offer that up) and will most likely lead to them thinking they're a bad person, not that their actions were bad, which are two different things. so, ya know, that would clearly have an effect on a kid. like, as someone with a mother who reminds me all too much of mitsuki: I have acted like a complete shitbag and taken my anger out on people to feel better in the past because of the way my mother treated me. though it was nowhere near what bakugou did, I still know first fucking hand what a mother hitting and insulting her child will do, especially if they have no proper outlet for that (friends, a safe place to vent) which bakugou never fucking had.

theres also the fact that just talking to your kid the way mitsuki does (saying it's his fault he was kidnapped because he's weak, all while hitting him) is not??? okay?????? ive seen people arguing that this was just a joke in poor taste but like her son was KIDNAPPED and even if it was a "joke" there's literally NO WAY that would EVER?? BE FUNNY??????? she just sounds like the kind of parent who at the very least says shit without thinking that would traumatize bakugou (because being told right after being kidnapped it's your fucking fault by your mother is absolutely traumatizing) but it comes across as her being emotionally abusive.

mitsukis character as a whole comes across as a shitty mom who doesn't realize she's a shitty mom and thinks bakugou being an ass isn't at least partially her fault even though she's admitted to realizing he has always had an ego problem and doing nothing to fix it except for hitting and yelling which obviously did nothing but make him just as loud and violent as she is.

this is obviously not the entire reason why he's a dick but he was never properly taught that the shit he was doing wasn't okay and people not stopping it and/or praising him endlessly even tho he was a bully is basically the same as encouraging it, thank you very much.

moving on from that, let's talk about bakugous other traumas and how he naturally responds to them. hint: it's with either full blown panic or a fight response (verbal or physical, though usually physical. also sometimes it's the panic followed by the fight response.)

so far in bnha (keep in mind that I am not caught up, I've only read up to the beginning of the war arc and i barely remember those bits so) bakugou has...

nearly died via sludge villain (he was unable to move and was being suffocated to death- keep this in mind)

lost for the first time ever and against deku of all people (this nearly sent him into a full blown panic attack, likely because of that sexy little inferiority/superiority complex combo. think of this as like. gifted kid burnout lite. he has always been the best of the best and now suddenly he is being beaten by somebody who has always been weaker than him, which immediately makes him start thinking he was never actually that good, he's actually a fucking failure, a goddamn fraud)

won the sports festival by default (bakugou counts this as yet another failure because todoroki didnt try his best. had bakugou lost to todoroki full strength, he would've taken 2nd place with a bit of bitching, but he still wouldve taken it rather than refuse the medal as it would be a reminder that he failed. instead of accepting that like UA shouldve, the staff chained and muzzled him on live television and then had all might, his fucking idol, force the medal into his mouth. remember the sludge villain incident and how he couldnt move and was suffocating to death? yeah.)

been kidnapped because of the way he reacted to winning during the sports festival (he was aggressive and tried to refuse the medal because he felt he didnt deserve it and was then retraumatized by being chained up and muzzled. his "villainous attitude" was a fucking trauma response, do not tell me otherwise)

was then chained up once again by the LOV after being kidnapped,,, do we see the "retraumatize bkg" theme yet?

"ended all might" (he literally blames himself for all mights retirement because had he just not have been weak, all might wouldve had more time, right?)

my point with all of these is that bakugou has been severely traumatized and has then had his trauma responses (aggression, fight) used to further demonize him. not all people with trauma react the fucking same and the way the fandom just refuses to acknowledge anger as a valid form of trauma response is gross as hell.

moving away from that topic, bakugou has literally never had any actual friends, they all just used him and didn't care about him which absolutely will fuck up a kid, especially one who already has all that other shit going on. bakugou deadass never had a support system or people to help him grow as a person, let alone properly work through his fucking emotions so it's not surprising that he would take out his bullshit on the one person who tried to help him especially considering he saw dekus actions as him thinking he was weak. bakugou was raised to not seek help, he thought somebody strong shouldnt ever need it, so for somebody like deku (who bakugou percieved as weak and helpless already) to offer up help? deku must obviously think bakugou is even weaker than him, what other explanation could their possibly be!

speaking of which, there's his heaps of insecurities that he basically hid by being a twat and bullying others for most of his life. kid was so insecure he bullied deku for fucking years cause he thought deku looked down on him, thought he was better than him, etc. and that only got worse bc his idol then decided to take deku in, train him and even give him his quirk. there's probably some shit im missing but still he's got issues and always has had issues. that being said, he's actually improving and working them out now which is what makes him a really good, interesting character. it's also nice to see a character who is a dick without some tragic backstory (like his backstory is sad but its not the classic "my family was fucking slaughtered and i turned into a raging bitch who murders people" type shit) bc that rarely happens and it's like most assholes don't actually have a story like that they're just assholes lol

now lets talk improvement! lil bitch has been getting better since he got into UA and im so happy abt it!! he had a rough start what with deku suddenly having a quirk and all but like he is really improving now and it highkey shows that bakugou just mostly needed people who 1) didn't constantly praise him and actually criticized him instead 2) actually fucking punished him doing stupid shit and 3) some motherfucking friends

Since going to UA he's gotten actually feedback from teachers about his weaknesses and how to get stronger, he's lost against others, hes been told he has a shit attitude and is a dick, told he should be nicer and leave deku alone, etc etc. He hasn't gotten in trouble too much with teachers but others give him shit for what he does and aizawa has punished him too, while still acknowledging that bakugou is an amazing and dedicated student, something which no one else had done up til that point. and uh???? homie actually has friends who like,,, don't use him and also call him out when he's a dick. like specifically kirishima has done this shit and him and bakugous relationship is clearly very healthy and beneficial for the both of them. makes me feel all happy n shit, ya know

bottom line is: while it is absolutely valid to dislike or even hate bakugou because he is a massively flawed person who has been very cruel to others, villainizing him for the way he acts which in large part seems to be from a lack of guidance, a shitty mother and heavy amounts of trauma, is fucking awful. his actions cannot be fucking excused, he needs to apologize and continue to grow, but he is also a fucking teenager, who is just now being told that the way he acts is unacceptable by people who dont fucking abuse him (and I swear to god if any people who think mitsuki isnt abusive interact with this fucking post I will fullstop hardblock you, I do not fucking care) and actually treat him like a normal person instead of some prodigy child or someone who needs to be fixed.

people are free to debate my points or whatever bc I know some of this stuff is up to interpretation but like. dni if you're just here to say you hate bakugou for xyz reason or that he's irredeemable. also especially dni if you compare him to fucking endeavor yall bitches make me gag.

anyways thxs for the ask anon <33 sorry this is a kinda messy info dump lol