#and i repeat the same to you– you can also talk to me if you feel like it. i'm here to offer support too

[miyamiwu]

The examples in the notes are all very valid. But as someone who speaks two languages that are closely related, the scenario above is actually not that unrealistic. In fact, it can even happen a lot.

My mother tongue is Cebuano (aka Bisaya), but I’m living in the capital where everybody speaks Filipino/Tagalog, the national language of the Philippines. (To any Filos reading this: I know there’s a difference between Filipino and Tagalog, but to avoid confusion, I’m gonna refer to the language as Tagalog from now on)

Cebuano and Tagalog are distinct from each other, but since they are both Philippine languages they have an overlap in their vocabularies. Sometimes, the two have the exact same words for certain things. Other times the word is just spelled or pronounced slightly differently.

So when I suddenly use a Cebuano word while speaking in Tagalog, its because I have thought that that word also exists in Tagalog.

Example:

While at a fruit stall: “Magkano ‘tong lemoncito?” (How much is this lemoncito?)

Lemoncito is the Cebuano word for this citrus fruit:

The word has Spanish origins (the country was colonized by Spain for over 300 years), and it literally means “little lemon.”

I thought the Tagalogs also have lemoncito in their vocabulary because it’s not like the word is inherently Cebuano. It was only when the fruit seller looked at me in confusion and asked me to clarify what I said that I realized that they, in fact, do not have that word. Their word for lemoncito is only calamansi.

Example 2:

While sharing an anecdote about our rooms in the house: “Sa pikas na kwarto” (“In the other room”)

sa, na, and kwarto are words that exist in both Cebuano and Tagalog.

However, pikas (“other”) is a Cebuano-only word. The Tagalog word for it is kabila.

This time, I knew pikas does not exist in Tagalog. But I was speaking too fast and the words were just flowing out. I didn’t even realize I had codeswitched until people asked me to stop and explain.

Now, the most extreme example:

In a Discord DM: Explaining something long and complicated in Cebuano to a friend who only knows Tagalog 🥲

Yes, it has happened before. It just felt so natural while I was doing it that it was only when I finished typing everything and looked back at what I wrote that I fucking remembered that my friend doesn’t understand Cebuano 😭

I had to delete everything before she could read it because holy fuck that was embarrassing

Codeswitching one or two words? Still acceptable. Writing a long-ass rant in entirely Cebuano despite knowing I won’t be understood? I had no idea what came over me...

Some more words which I suddenly codeswitch to unintentionally: (Cebuano words are violet, while Tagalog words are orange)

To eat: kaon instead of kain

To write: suwat instead of sulat

Dipper: kabo instead of tabo

the color black: itom instead of itim

The words above only vary in spelling a little, so it’s easy to forget that they’re actually from two different languages, and hence, the codeswitching.

Now, this one is not really codeswitching, but it’s still related…

Conjugating Verbs

[Context: Cebuano and Tagalog both conjugate verbs by aspect (fabric of time), which is in contrast to English that conjugates by tense (location in time).

But I’m not gonna go too deeply in that, so for now I’ll just use the term “tense” to avoid confusion.]

In Cebuano, the present tense form of a verb is made by adding the prefix “nag-” to the root word. However, this way of conjugation coincides with the Tagalog rule of conjugation for past tense.

And so, we get this mess:

Cebuano: “I am writing” -> “nagsuwat ko”

Tagalog: “I wrote” -> “nagsulat ako”

The present form of a Tagalog verb requires that you also repeat the first syllable.

Tagalog (present): “I am writing” -> “nagsusulat ako”

Many times, I mean to say something in the present tense (“I am writing/nagsusulat ako”) but I end up talking in past tense (“I wrote/nagsulat ako”) without even realizing it. It’s like I would subconsciously apply the Cebuano rules (nagsuwat -> nagsulat) instead of the Tagalog ones when conjugating verbs...

So yeah, switching to a different language is actually not that weird when the two languages are closely related to each other.

[mymindisneverhere]

FAVORS (18+)

Part Four

warnings: 18+, MDNI!, SMUT, sub!Terry, soft dom!black fem OC, oral sex (fem receiving), dirty talking, explicit language, lots of dialogue, slow burn (forgive me if I missed any)

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

“On your knees.” She instructed. 

Terry stayed still for a few seconds before lowering himself to the ground, one knee at a time. His eyes stayed on her while he assumed the position. She watched as he took his time. Even in this state, his authoritative aura was still very present. 

Khloé made her way into the kitchen, her heels clicking against the open floor. She reached into her refrigerator to retrieve a few things before coming back into the living room. Terry kept his eyes on her the whole time, admiring the way her hips swayed as she walked over to him. 

She placed a tall can of whipped cream, a large container of strawberries and a bottle of chocolate syrup on the coffee table. Walking to her desk she rolled her office chair over and placed it just a few inches in front of Terry. 

“Since you have such a smart mouth, let’s put it to good use.” She smirked. “I told you to be mindful of who you interact with and how, remember?” 

“Yeah, but-“ He started. 

“Yeah?” She cut him off, tilting her head to the side. She stared down at him until the mistake finally registered in his mind. 

“Yes ma’am.” His hazel eyes stared up at her as he corrected himself. “But I barely spoke to anyone, just like you asked.” 

She grabbed the can of whipped cream and shook it as she sat down in the chair. She sprayed a small amount onto her index finger before licking it off. Running her tongue against her finger then using her lips to pick up what her tongue missed, teasing him as much as possible. Terry’s eyes never left her lips as she sucked the treat off of her fingers. He balled his fist behind his back as he watched her, wishing he was grabbing a handful of her hair while she sucked him the same way. 

“I told you not to interact with my cousin, Nia. So imagine my surprise when I look over and she’s laughing in your face.” 

Terry frowned, trying to instantly recall all of the people he had met tonight. “I didn’t meet anyone named Nia.” 

“Blue dress, red lip, ponytail.” She stated, refreshing his memory. 

“She told me her name was Imani.”

“Imani?” Khloé repeated with a chuckle. 

Terry nodded.

“I should’ve known. Imani is her middle name.” Khloé rolled her eyes at the thought of her. “Bitch hates her mother so much she’s going by a different name just to spite her.”

“How was I supposed to know that was Nia?” He asked, as she continued eating the whipped cream, this time placing two fingers in her mouth.

“What did she say about me?” Khloé brought her hand under his chin and tilted his head back a bit. 

“She said she was your older cousin and that you were always in competition with her since you were kids…” He trailed off as the realization set in. He recalled the conversation they had in the car shortly before arriving at the banquet. 

“I told you she was a sneaky bitch.” Khloé shook the can once again. “Open and stay open.” She sprayed the whipped cream onto his tongue before sticking hers into his mouth. They kissed, fighting for as much of the treat as they could while also fighting to taste one another. 

She reached down and caressed his dick through his pants, feeling his thick bulge jump against her palm.  Terry moaned into her mouth, as she sucked his bottom lip. He leaned further, trying to keep her lips locked onto his but she leaned back a bit, smirking at his desperation. She licked the leftover whipped cream from his lips and turned toward the table. 

“So tell me-” She opened the container of strawberries and popped the top of the chocolate syrup. “-what did you say to her that was so funny?” 

She squeezed a decent amount of chocolate into the top of the container and sat it back down. Terry licked his lips, not even bothering to try and replay any more of the conversation in his mind. He was too focused on her to care about his short talk with her cousin. He wanted to remain as present as possible in this moment, not wanting to miss a second of being like this with her. 

“I don’t remember.” 

“She placed a hand on your shoulder, which is technically my shoulder. So whatever you said to her must’ve been hysterical.” She grabbed the container of strawberries and pushed her hips forward to the edge of the chair, leaning back so that her sex was face to face with him. 

“You’ve got until I finish my strawberries to make me cum as hard as you made her laugh.” She stared down at him and lifted one leg onto his shoulder, the other hanging off the arm of the office chair. Her inner thigh rubbed up against the side of his face as she made herself comfortable. 

“How am I supposed to do that with my hands cuffed?” He questioned, his eyes scanning from her pussy up to her face. 

“Use that slick ass mouth of yours.” She spat, taking a large bite of the first strawberry. 

Terry took a deep breath while deciding how he would go about getting through the fabric that stood between him and her. She sat back watching to see what his next move was going to be. Because she knew a man like him enjoyed a challenge, she figured why not go ahead and give him one. 

He leaned forward, placing his lips against the crotch of her panties. He inhaled deeply taking in her scent before opening his mouth to hook his teeth onto the lace.

“And you better not bite me.” 

His eyes shot up to her face as his eyebrows arched. Being as careful as possible, he used his teeth to cut into the fabric, ripping it a small piece at a time. She smirked at him, enjoying every second of him gnawing at her panties, trying his hardest to get to her pussy. 

She grabbed another strawberry and dipped it into the small pool of chocolate as he continued trying to tear her lingerie with his mouth. The sight of him ripping into the thin fabric of her underwear was turning her on by the second. He was really determined to get to her. 

After a few more moments, she heard a long rip and felt a cool breeze against her wet pussy. She stopped mid chew and looked down at him, a bit shocked that he had done it so quickly. 

Without even looking up at her, he dove right in, pressing a flat tongue against her clit. She sucked in a sharp breath at the sudden feeling of his mouth on her. He closed his lips around her clit and sucked before licking it again. The sounds of him kissing her pussy took over the room. She rested her back onto the chair and closed her eyes, humming from the enjoyment of her favorite snack while getting head from her new boy toy. 

Terry was relishing in this moment more than he could imagine. He was dealing with a woman who he knew wasn’t easy to please but that didn’t stop him from doing all he could to prove himself. He had never been one to give up easily and little did she know this was his speciality. 

He dipped his thick tongue inside of her, before gently dragging it right back up to her clit and sucking it again. Khloé hissed, bringing her head forward to watch him in action. She needed to see what he was doing that made it harder for her to finish her fruit. She was poised for the majority of the time but it was becoming a challenge for her to minimize her reactions. Noticing how her body was reacting to him, he did it again. This time looking up at her, his eyes shifting to an icy blue, while he slipped his tongue inside her hole. 

“Mmmmm, eat this pussy daddy.” She moaned.

He moved back up to her clit and gently sucked it while rotating in circles simultaneously. Although he was the one who had been cuffed, he had her bound just by using his tongue. 

“Oooh fuck, you look so good right now.” 

Her sensual voice was music to his ears. The sounds of her soft voice caused him to moan against her pussy. The sensation from his deep tone sent shivers up her spine making her arch her back. 

“Yesssss fuck yes!” She was completely out of character at this point and ready to cum in his mouth. She had only gotten through three strawberries, the fourth one she held in her hand half eaten. 

The sounds she was making, the things she was saying, and her calling him out of his name was slowly unlocking the beast in him as he continued devouring her clit. It didn’t take long for him to become familiar with her body. She was constantly squirming, unable to take another bite out of her strawberry so he decided to stay right where he was because ‘X’ marks the spot. The more he focused on her spot, the more she abandoned her persona. 

“Fuuuck, you’re ‘bout to make me cum already.” She spoke, her teeth clenching as she watched him tear her apart. At this point she’d said fuck the strawberries. 

It had been a few years since she had gotten any from a man. Long nights of pleasuring herself with her hands or her vibrator would get her through but nothing could beat having a man headfirst in between her thighs. 

“Mmmm, just like that.” She said repeatedly, dropping the fruit from her hand and grabbing the top of his head. 

Her jaw dropped as she gasped at the intense feeling that coursed through her body and settled in her stomach. Her eyes began to roll but she fought her hardest to keep them open and on him. He set his eyes on her, while increasing his intensity as he watched her react to her body going through the many phases of her orgasm. 

The rise. 

“Oh my god!” She yelled out, as she dropped her head back onto the chair. “Don’t stop, don’t stop.” He did as he was told, latching himself onto her, repeatedly pressing the button that was driving her crazy. 

The climax.

“Yesssssss, ohhhh fuck!” Her hips jerked against his lips as she let herself go. He followed her movement, his lips never leaving her button until he could sense her body becoming less reactive. He wanted to be sure he took her as high as she could possibly go… no stone unturned. 

The resolution. 

The top half of her body rose and fell as she tried to focus on catching her breath. Soft moans escaped her lips with every exhale. Her hand never left his head, she was too busy trying to bring herself back into the now. 

He licked up the sweet remains of her pleasure that leaked from the opening of her pussy. He placed kisses along her inner thighs up to the mound of her pussy and stopped along her pelvis while she tried to steady her breathing. 

She stared at the ceiling, blinking slowly. Her body was exhausted after cumming so hard for the first time in a while. She sat back quietly, only her the sounds of her heavy breathing filled the room as he continued kissing her body.

“Was that hard enough for you Ms. MacArthur?” He stared up at her with a cocky grin on his face. 

Khloé finally brought her eyes down to him.

“Fuck yes.” She sat up and grabbed his face, shoving her tongue in his mouth. She wanted to taste herself on his pretty lips. They immediately fell into a rhythm with each other. Sharing moans as they wrestled in each other's mouths. She finally pulled back and stared down at him. 

“That was a minor slip up that technically wasn’t all your fault.” She started. “But I did enjoy seeing you like this.” 

She carefully stood from the chair, not wanting him to see that his tongue was still directly affecting her ability to move. But he noticed it anyway, biting his lip while she walked away. She crossed the room to retrieve the small key to unlatch the cuffs on his wrists. She removed them and stood back as she watched him stand from his position. 

She then grabbed the snacks off of the table and retreated to the kitchen. Terry watched her as her expression became very relaxed and returned back to normal. 

“Wait, you’re leaving me like this?” His eyebrows bent in frustration. She looked down at his hard dick that was now obviously showing through his pants. 

“Of course.” She smiled, tying her robe closed. “Be patient. When I’m ready to drain you, I will. And don’t even think about jacking off. I want you rock hard when I swallow you.” 

Terry stood there staring at her as she walked back over to him. She could see the sexual frustration written all over his face. She couldn’t help but giggle. 

“You did a good job.” Khloé raised her hand to rub a soft thumb over his lips. “Check your bank account in the morning. Have a good night Mr. Richmond.” 

She placed a small peck on his lips and walked into her bedroom leaving him standing there. He grabbed his things and headed home, already preparing to take a cold shower.

Terry sat at the small dining table in Summers' kitchen. He agreed to stop by before going to work to help ease her anxiety surrounding the check she had gotten in the mail. 

“So you’re telling me that a “friend” just offered to give you back the money you lost because you did them a favor?” Summer asked, pouring a cup of coffee for the two of them. 

“Yes, exactly that.” Terry chuckle at her skepticism. 

Terry decided against telling Summer the whole truth. It was true that he was doing someone a favor and that they were paying him for his help. But to tell her exactly who the money was coming from and what he was doing to get it seemed like too much information for her. The less details, the better. 

“I mean how am I ever gonna pay this back, I can’t just take it-“ 

“Yes you can.” He said taking the coffee mug from her hands. “Don’t worry about paying it back, you don’t have to.” 

“Terry, I just-“ Summer placed a hand on her hip and shook her head. “Thank you, seriously. This is gonna be so good for Bailey. I really can’t thank you enough. I feel like I’m dreaming right now.”

“It’s not a problem. You did a lot for me, a total stranger, in just a matter of a few days. I’m grateful for you.” He smiled. 

“Well I’ve already got the applications for the school filled out. I just have to turn in her tuition and once I do that she’ll be good to start next semester.” Summer smiled down at the papers on her counter. “Once they see she’s doing just fine in school, they’ll grant us the approval to move and I am getting the hell out of dodge.” 

Terry smiled at her. He was genuinely happy to see her get what she finally worked so hard for. To watch her work so hard to stay clean and healthy to ensure that she’d get to have her daughter back full time warmed his heart. He stared down at his watch and quickly stood from the table. 

“I gotta get going.” He said taking one last sip of coffee before heading to the front door. “Let me know how the enrollment for Bailey goes.” 

Before Summer could respond he was already out the door and in his truck. She shook her head as she turned to walk out of the kitchen. As she turned, she noticed the bowl of food she made for him sitting on the edge of the table.

“So what do your parents think about him?” Olivia asked. 

“My parents seem to like him, they haven’t really said much though so I’m gonna assume the best.” Khloé said, flipping through the folder filled with employee information. “Maybe I’ll get a real review once we go to my mothers birthday party.”

“That’s gonna be something. Will your cousin Nia or should I say “Imani” be there?” Olivia joked. 

“God I hope not. I can’t believe she really told him her name was Imani, nobody calls that bitch that.” Khloé rolled her eyes. “But that’s okay, I got something for her the next time I see her.” 

“Well if it is at your moms party, you better hope Terry is far away from her.” 

“Oh he will be, trust me.” The two women carried on their conversation unaware of the person standing directly in front of the desk. They were so caught up in their gossip, they never turned their heads in her direction. 

“Excuse me.” The woman spoke, interrupting their chatter. “I’m looking for Terry Richmond.” 

The mentioning of his name caused Khloés head to snap in the direction of the voice. 

“And you are?” Olivia asked.

“Sorry, I’m Summer McBride, a friend of his.” Summer said. “He left his lunch behind, I'm just bringing it to him.” 

Olivia looked over at Khloé to see her reaction but Khloés eyes were glued to Summer. Khloé stood from her chair as she eyed Summer from head to toe, trying to find some resemblance that would make her a relative of Terrys. But there was obviously none in sight. So who the hell was she to him because she clearly wasn’t family. 

“I’ll call the floor supervisor and have him come to the front.” Olivia stated. “You can have a seat.” She made the call notifying them that Terry had a visitor. 

Summer looked over at Khloé who was burning a whole through her face. She looked down awkwardly and made her way to the empty chairs that sat close to the front doors. Khloés eyes stayed on her as she crossed the floor. 

Jealousy was slowly brewing in Khloé. That was something she had a hard time dealing with when it came to the men she chose. Even if she didn’t think the women were prettier than her or more successful than she was, it still ate at her that her man’s attention was going to any other woman besides her. If it wasn’t his mother, then they shouldn’t matter to him. 

After a few moments the sound of the double doors leading to the work floor opened and Terry walked through. He glanced over at the receptionist desk and then to the entrance. 

“You forgot your lunch.” Summer smiled, standing to hand him his food. “I put extra crackers in there for you.” 

“Damn my bad. I was in such a rush, I wasn't even paying attention.” Terry shook his head and grabbed the food from her. “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome, I’ll call you later.” Summer said before looking over at Khloé to see her still staring directly at her. Summer pushed a small piece of hair behind her ear before walking out of the warehouse. 

Khloés eyes then snapped to Terry, who was already making his way back through the double doors. He didn’t bother acknowledging her because there was really no need to.

She was fuming at this point. She recalled telling him not to have any women popping up asking for or about him. Not only had a woman come to the job, it was the same woman she had written a check for. A woman he said was his family. He lied to her. 

Khloé continued staring in his direction until he completely disappeared behind the double doors. 

“Didn’t you have me send the check to Summer McBride?” Olivia asked, looking over at Khloé. 

“Yes.” Khloé spoke in a really low tone. 

“There is no way they are not related. I mean she’s clearly whi-“ 

“Shut up Liv.” Khloé cut her off before she could finish. She grabbed her keys and her cell phone and made her way back to her office. 

Khloé closed the door to the office and slammed herself in the chair behind her desk. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths trying to contain her emotions before she did something she would regret. 

She sat silently, trying to figure out how she would go about this situation. Terry didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would lie about something like this but then again he was a man. They all lied. 

‘Maybe I’m missing something.’ 

Khloé shook her head trying to rid her mind of the worst possible scenarios. Just as quickly as she was ready to ride him into oblivion, that desire faded. Her anger was lingering longer than she expected and she needed so badly to release it. She reached for her phone and shot a quick text to him. 

‘My place at 9’ 

She didn’t even bother to wait for him to respond, if he knew better he’d be there like she told him to. Grabbing her belongings she rushed out of the building and made her way home, mentally preparing for the night. 

to be continued…

(Forgive me for taking so long to update! I was trying to bounce back from this election chile. But we gone be alright. 😭)

[nwjnsloona]

if the world was ending (i’d wanna be next to you)

kang haerin x f!reader

synopsis: what would you do if the world was ending?

word count: 1k

tags: angst, fluff in a way??, world end au, mentions of other newjeans members but this is haeyn centric, also 6th member ig

haerin found out the world was ending on a tuesday.

she had just left her local coffee shop, the bell jingling behind her, when her phone rang.

that must be yn, she thought, picking up the call without much thought.

“yn-“

“i love you.” she heard you say over the phone, your voice shaking as you spoke.

“is everything okay?” haerin asked, worry evident in her voice.

“can you come over? quickly.” you said in the same tone as before.

“of course. but why?”

“the world is ending.”

“oh. i’ll be right there, i love you.”

“i love you too.”

you heard the beep of the phone as haerin hung up and you slid down the wall, staring at the floor blankly as you cupped your face in your hands.

the tv droned on in the background, and you could just about make out some more information about the exact details of how the world would be destroyed over the constant train of your thoughts. you decided that sitting around wasn’t a very good use of your last moments, so you picked up your phone again and called minji.

she picked up almost immediately, “i guess you’ve heard.”

“i… have. are you with hanni?”

“yeah, hanni and dani are both here.”

“have you called hyein yet?”

“dani did.”

“what did she say?”

“uhhh…” you heard some muffled voices on the other end. “she’s still on the phone now.”

“do you think me and haerin can make it there if we drive?”

“literally everyone’s driving right now. there’s no chance.”

there was a pause, and though you couldn’t see minji’s face, you knew what expression she was making.

“minji,” you whispered, like it was a secret. “i’m scared.”

“me too.” she confessed. “i’ll- i’ll miss you.”

“i’ll miss you too.“ you let out a stifled sob as you let it sink in— the world was ending, and you were all going to die.

you didn’t want to die. you and haerin had finally moved out of the dorms into your own apartment, and that was recently.

it was just kind of… unbelievable that this morning was the last morning you would ever spend together. and this afternoon was the last afternoon before you died.

you found some solace in the fact that today was your off day and you didn’t have any schedules.

the door unlocked with a click as haerin rushed in, hurriedly taking her shoes off and running over to you. she held your face gently in her hands, softly tracing circles with her thumb.

“it’s going to be okay.” she said, her eyes meeting yours.

“but what about our future together?” you looked up at her, your eyes glistening. “what about us?”

her arms wrapped around you, and you breathed in her scent. she smelled just like she usually did— floral perfume and jasmine shampoo, and you wondered how this could be so normal when everything else seemed to be tipped upside down.

a tear slipped down your cheek as minji’s voice sounded from your phone.

“hello? yn? are you there?”

“minji unnie!” haerin exclaimed.

“haerin? are you at yours now?”

“no, i’m with hyein.”

“what?”

“i’m kidding, how would i be using yn’s phone in america?”

“i don’t know,” minji sighed. then, in a smaller voice, she said “i’m glad you’re safe, haerinnie.”

“you too, unnie.”

there was a long pause, where all three of you tried to take in each other’s presence for the last time. then, minji spoke.

“i’m… going to hang up now. i love you.”

something about it seemed so final, but at the same time, you couldn’t imagine that tomorrow, you wouldn’t wake up and call minji because you were late for pick up time and she wouldn’t sigh and tell the manager that they would have to wait— that tomorrow, you wouldn’t wake up at all.

“i love you too!” haerin replied, and you repeated her words.

the three beeps sounded signifying the end of the call, and that was that.

“the last time we ever talk to minji,” you said, bitterness seeping into your tone.

“it feels so… surreal.”

haerin stared blankly at the wall.

“how are you so calm right now?”

“i mean, if these are my last moments on earth, i want to spend them happy, with you.”

you stopped, contemplating her words. then, you reached your arms out, and haerin smiled, rushing into your arms.

“you know all the things we put off saying we’ll do them another time?”

“yeah?”

“well we can’t do them another time, so let’s do them now.”

the next few hours were spent doing things you loved— baking cookies, and making a cake for your anniversary which had passed a few days ago. you ate them all, not caring about the restrictive diet your company had set. you drew each other, laughing at the end result, and looked through your camera rolls, reminiscing the past.

(“we were so young back then,” you smiled, looking at a selfie all of newjeans had taken.

“i know! we look like babies.”

haerin scrolled to the next picture— “wait! you’re not allowed to see that!” she said, hurriedly changing the picture again.

“i wanna see!” you complained, reaching for her phone. she held it up out of your grasp, but you had a trick up your sleeve.

“HEY!” she yelled between laughter. “STOP- STOP TICKLING ME!”

“give me your phone.”)

finally, you both crawled into bed— haerin lay on top of you, resting her head onf your chest.

“i love you.” you said, smiling. you felt your eyes fill up with tears. “let’s meet in the next life.” it felt so final, like it was the end, the last time you would ever say it.

“i love you too.” she looked up at you, a singular teardrop rolling down her cheek.

and despite the fact the world was falling apart, you felt whole.

a/n: sorry the pacing is AWFUL i write all my fics like five words at a time 10 mins before sleep

[justchillandshipit]

More thoughts:

I linked a post below that has me thinking about Tommy's actions & Eddie's place in the narrative. In retrospect, I 100% believe Tommy knows and understands that Eddie is likely going to be Buck's last. (as much as anybody can know this sort of thing.) I know Tim and Oliver said Eddie had nothing to do with the obstacles in Buck's relationship, but I think that was a partial truth on their part. Technically, Buck does spiral because of Abby and #stagefoureddiediaz has talked about the way Buck is still stuck on the hamster wheel. I think both of these things are part of the obstacles mentioned in one of Oliver's interviews. However, if you look only at those things, you overlook the Pink Eddie in the room. While I agree that Eddie didn't interfere or try to stop Buck & Tommy from being together, his friendship with Buck has remained a constant. (see the link at the very bottom for more about Eddie in the narrative.) If you check out Buddielifer's post, several good points demonstrate the breakup was about Eddie. I'll try to avoid repeating what was said there as I explain. My opinion does differ on a few small points, but I'll get to that later.

Ok. I'm going to talk about Tommy a little but stick with me. This is a Buddie post. I promise, and I do have a point. I do believe Buck was attracted to Tommy, not because he had some great destiny to be the love of Buck's life, but because he did a few really cool things while helping to save Bobby & Athena's lives. Plus, Tommy did it in the coolest way possible. Helicopter pilots are cool, or they would be if they weren't dating one-half of your favorite ship. lol. Before the kiss, Buck wasn't self-aware enough to fully engage with his sexuality, I suspect that he handled his attraction to Tommy the way he handled it with other men before we knew him as a firefighter.

As we saw in a flashback, when Buck met a man he felt attracted to, he processed those feelings by befriending him. It was the same with Tommy. That is why he was at the hangar that day. When he offered to buy Tommy a beer, I truly think Buck thought he was making a new friend. If you think about it, you can see this was a pattern for Buck. He did have a meltdown over Eddie when they first met (but with Eddie, bigger things were and are still in play) It doesn't change the fact that once Buck got past his initial jealousy or whatever that was, he threw himself all in with Eddie. It was part of his pattern and part of #stagefour's hamster wheel. (Endgame will have Buck get off the wheel and look around. The person standing there was never part of the wheel, but the person waiting for him to stop and get off of it.)

The situation with Tommy is probably closer to how Buck reacted to his friend who wanted Buck as a sperm donor. Buck actually followed that 'friend' to Peru. I have a post from a while back where I discuss Buck sending mixed signals. In his mind, he is making a friend, but he is also unconsciously flirting. Tommy was the first to push through and just kiss Buck. I don't think this was nefarious so much as an attempt to interpret the signals Buck was sending. (I'm sure many see Tommy as having bad intentions but stick with me. I'm trying to put him into the context where Tim claimed he wanted him to be seen. Tommy was supposed to be a mentor or a more experienced man helping Buck navigate this side of himself.) As a teacher, Tommy did help him navigate, but he also let Buck set the pace. Although never shown, we know Buck is a very sexual being, and the deleted scene with Tommy, Hen, and Karen confirmed that Tommy was just trying to keep up with him.

But I digress. Buck's intention to befriend Tommy ended the exact moment that Eddie showed up at the hangar with a huge smile on his face. Stoic Eddie who does not show his emotions was smiling hugely. Even though this is from Buck's perspective and he is an unreliable narrator, it is plausible to me that Eddie would be excited to go to a live fight in Vegas. Oliver and Tim have talked a lot over the past few weeks about how Buck spirals. When Eddie left with Tommy, Buck began to spiral in a way that we have never seen before or since. He was absolutely unhinged with jealousy. There is no way that Buck, who didn't even ask about Tommy's dating history until six months into the relationship, was that insane to get the attention of a man he has known for a few days or weeks. Now that we are pulling in new material from the current season, it isn't even remotely believable that Buck's reaction was about Tommy.

If Buck had experienced some sort of love-at-first-sight moment with Tommy, then he would have asked Tommy about his past at the beginning of the relationship. In fact, people entering into something serious generally ask about past partners in the first few weeks of getting to know each other or before sex. The fact that Buck didn't, is a change in pattern for him. Buck typically throws himself all in and then when things go wrong, he doesn't know how he got there. (Also part of the hamster wheel.) However, I attribute the difference this time to the fact that, subconsciously, Buck knows what he's feeling. He can use his body. (borderline sex addict). However, he can't bring himself to share with Tommy what he already shares with Eddie, but you know our unaware cowboy can't see it yet.

At the hangar, Tommy didn't have a feel for Buck yet. However, by the end of the Vegas trip, I think he had picked up a good idea from Eddie that there was something there. (not because Eddie has made some sort of confession, but because I'm confident that Eddie talked about Buck nonstop. I'm hoping that we get some sort of confirmation of this in the current season. I don't want it to be forgotten.) At any rate, whatever conclusions Tommy drew from his time in Vegas with Eddie and the time they spent hanging out afterward didn't bother him enough to refuse to date Buck. I do think Tommy was longing for the family and support he could see Buck has with the 118, but I don't think he was ever planning a wedding in his head. In fact, I know he wasn't. That's part of why he broke up with Buck.

Sidenote: (Thanks to StageFourEddieDiaz, for pointing out how Buck failed to understand the mission from Josh's speech because this is what caused Buck to shift from not letting Tommy get too close to asking Tommy to move in with him.) Until the conversation with Josh, Buck was actively shutting Tommy out of anything other than sex and possibly learning the ins and outs of the LGBTQ community.

Again, in the beginning, this didn't bother Tommy. He knew what Buck needed, and as he stated a few times during the sixth episode, Buck was hot and fun. If you need examples of Buck shutting Tommy out, I point you to anything that happened in the Halloween episode. I'm not saying Buck didn't care about Tommy at all, but he was holding back. The look on Buck's face as Josh asked about his feelings really said it all. I think this is probably why Josh was a little shy of the mark when giving his speech about comphet. Josh had to give a long list of, "Do you feel "this or that" for your boyfriend of six months," before he finally hit on something that Buck did feel. I don't want to get off topic or repeat too much from the linked post, I just wanted to illustrate that the jealousy from Buck's coming out episode was 100% for Eddie and that it was something that Tommy realized before entering the relationship.

I know there will be some disagreement here, but I also feel like Tommy's feelings for Buck actually were on the verge of changing, and he hadn't expected that. When they were standing at the grave, Buck gave his eulogy directed to Billy Boils. Tommy's face went through a series of changes. First, he seemed annoyed or concerned. I couldn't quite tell, but the more Buck talked, the more you could see of our Buck. The guy with a huge heart who can empathize with the skeletal remains of a criminal. I'll link the clip for you to judge. What Buck had to say to Billy was more open and revealed more about Buck's character than anything he had been saying to Tommy over the past six months. It was a small scene, but one that probably came back to Tommy when Buck suggested moving in together.

It was scenes like this one combined with Tommy's exclusion from group chat, etc., that probably helped to remind him that Buck's feelings six months ago were not about him and nothing had changed despite Buck's suggestion that he move in. Tommy's insecurities took over and reminded him what the inevitable end was going to be for them. He was the first not the last.

For the past six months, he's known that Eddie was between them, but you could see how comfortable he was with it. He didn't seem annoyed by Eddie's presence at all. I disagree with either Tim or Oliver when they try to play up that Tommy was Eddie's friend and this was natural. Eddie and Buck met Tommy at the same time, and Tommy was trying to shoot his shot by taking Eddie to Vegas. I don't know what was discussed between Eddie & Tommy during those few weeks where Buck was being left out, but it is clear that whatever conclusion he had drawn from the Vegas trip had been solidified by what happened on the basketball court, so much so that he wanted to apologize to Buck in person. We all know how that went, and I still think that was a good scene.

This brings me to the breakup scene itself. In the end, when Tommy talks about how he didn't see it coming. I don't think he was referring to the breakup. I think he was referring to the feelings he caught close to the end. He thought he would help Buck, provide a safe space for Buck to explore that he personally didn't have, and have some fun with a hot young thing, but he let it go too far. (His reasons are pretty much part of what Tim has said in interviews.) I don't think Tommy realized how much he had gotten caught up in the fantasy of Buck until Buck asked him to move in with him. I do think he's sincere when he says his heart would end up broken because, despite his feelings, he still understands there is something between Buck and Eddie even if they don't.

(One side note. I agree with Buck that first and last can be the same thing. I don't buy into the belief that you have to be with dozens of sexual partners, but I also don't think that would have been the case with Buck. He is a sexual character, and he's openly curious. I know people were mad about the interview where Oliver talked about letting Buck F#ck, but I think that would be in character for an upset Buck who was just dumped. It is less about his sexuality than it is about his abandonment issues and neglect trauma. That's my take anyway. We'll see what Tim does with it. I do think the part of Buck that craves monogamy already belongs to someone else, and the di was cast before Tommy came into his life, and we are back again to the hamster wheel.)

If you stuck with me this long, thank you. I know there are few, if any, fans of Tommy around here so I appreciate that you were willing to objectively view him the way Tim kept trying to present him. I'm tired and I'm pretty sure I rambled a couple of times, but I do understand Tommy is a problematic character. I consider that to be a writing issue that never got a satisfying resolution. I'm equally aware some people hate him simply because he was with Buck. I'm not doing a lot of judging these days because I already know how unreasonable I'm going to be over Eddie being with another man. After seven seasons of subtext, they are already in love. These other relationships are like cheating. lol I'm not so secretly hoping that if Eddie needed a "first" he got it when he was a teenager or when he was in Afghanistan.

I can tell I'm going to be bad because when I see posts about Eddie sleeping with a priest, I want to scream into a pillow and pretend that I'm flipping over furniture and tossing chairs across the room. I just can't be reasonable. I would never attack the actors or writers though. That's not me. My jealousy is on Buck's behalf, and my bad behavior remains entirely inside my head. I don't know what they'll do with Eddie, but they are going to need a chat group to make sure Eddie's boyfriends do not meet with Buck's subconscious mind.

Click here to see the meta on Eddie Haunting the Narrative from #buddielifers.

[mumblingsage]

I also think it's worth being pedantic about important things...and in that spirit I've spent like an hour writing and deleting various responses to this one (I found myself over-policing my tone and stopped that, so I'll just say right off I have no ill-will toward you and appreciate the contributions, even as I disagree on interpretation in several ways):

First, your tags - "for example a book can really kick off a delusion and set something off that can be traumatic." As I've said in another reblog thread, but it deserves repeating, triggering delusions, compulsions, or PTSD or adjustment disorder symptoms is not the same as causing trauma. We should try to accommodate people with triggers, and much of this accommodation will need to be individualized because the range of potential triggers is vast and often does not include things conventionally recognized as upsetting. I had a loved one make an irreversible error because of a delusion he had that was fueled by the due date on his library card being coincidentally the same as the date of his dentist appointment. That's not a reason for us to have a cultural conversation about the format of due date stickers. Though it could call for a discussion of how we can best support people who are experiencing delusional thinking or psychosis (we are currently doing very badly).

Re: vicarious trauma. Reading the Wikipedia article, I see that the examples given are of real life events reported on in the media, primarily social media and news coverage in the wake of terrorist attacks. I'm not going to get too deep into personal experience here, but let's just say this is not my first time hearing of vicarious trauma, and the important thing is that it is a real response to real harm and disaster. I wouldn't refuse evidence, but have not seen any, that it's caused by 13 Reasons Why or The Bridge to Terebithia or Outlander. (Bellingcat has useful advice for safety and 'metal hygiene' when engaging with firsthand sources of violence. I might use similar techniques when watching clips from a horror movie, but the stakes are not the same. Also, heads up that anyone who clicks through that link will read some text about distressing real-life events.)

"Books can have a significant impact on someone’s mind and outlook and that’s why they want them to be banned." < I agree and I think when people talk about how they don't want kids (or others) to read books about death, violence, sex, etc, they are participating in this. Authoritarians want us to have very particular ideas about these topics and resist any alternative information or thinking about them. When people go around saying "Learning or thinking about something upsetting is the same as being traumatized" they are doing the work of Christofascist Censorship Attempts, and I don't care if it's accidental. We don't need to compromise with them. (I don't have room to open this can of worms fully, but I also think too many people go around saying--for example--"13 Reasons Why traumatized me, I can't believe any library would let a kid read it" and thus send a message to the people around them with real-life experience with suicide, suicidal ideation, etc. that their experiences are unspeakable, untouchable. This social stigma is incredibly harmful.)

"I think it’s more productive to challenge the idea that a book that can potentially cause harm should be banned instead of the idea that books can potentially cause harm." < This is an interesting idea. I love its uncompromising stance. It's one I would adopt if I was convinced books can cause something that deserves to be called "harm" (the two of us may just have different definitions). I definitely believe we all have the God-given right to give ourselves nightmares and anyone trying to 'protect' us from that should be kicked in the fork of the legs.

I'm wondering if, as a society who cares about vulnerable people, we could stop saying "traumatize" when we truly mean "upset"?

I am sick of hearing sad books or movies "traumatize" their readers. I simply do not believe that happens. A traumatic experience might be adjacent to books (I have vivid memories of books I was reading around certain experiences and even how the contents of those books affected my processing of the experiences). But it's not caused by the book. And, y'know. The weather is Christofascist Censorship Attempts outside.

Meanwhile from the other side I continue to be surprised at just how badly people fail to understand trauma and traumatic experiences in general. Watering down the term isn't helping. Find other hyperbole to express that The Bridge to Terebithia gutted you, chewed on your heartstrings, and made you cry your first pair of contact lenses right out of your preteen eyes.

[nutcoffin]

I would like to call out and formally ask miss @shittyzinkoo to stop tracing other peoples art. And not just for a certain amount of time. Stop it for good.

What am I talking about, you may ask?

Well a few months ago i have found her youtube account because of her kinitopet animations. It was all fine untill I looked into her community posts, where she has been tracing the following artists:

@sin-simps (on tumblr)

Original:______________________________________

Traced/copied:_________________________________

//Note: These have been deleted since, because Sin-Simps talked to her about it(as long as I know). Although this doesn't change the fact it's happened.//

@Scarletwaltz (on tik tok)

Original:______________________________________

Traced/copied:_________________________________

//Note: It's still up on her youtube account.//

@nutcoffin (me on tumblr)

Original:______________________________________

Traced/copied:_________________________________

//Note: The only reason I added the second picture, is because of the same KinitopetAU name that I have. I give the benefite of the doubt though, that its a coincidence. At least I hope so.//

In my case, the one that was on pinterest has been also deleted for my request since:

//Note: She answered that she already deleted it a long time ago, I just couldn't screenshot properly the chat so her answer can be seen//

To be honest it's already a scumy thing to trace a drawing that was made for someone as an answer for a submission-

BUT AFTER A MONTH SHE UPLOADED IT AGAIN

At least I believe so, because I was browsing on pinterest a few days ago and I have found it again without searching for her account or opening a link for the post. The only difference was that the comments were locked so I couldn't wrote that "Hey, this is traced!" in there as I did before.

I have to say I wasn't so nice the second time -

//Note: After a few minutes of my response, this also have been deleted.//

And I would like to apologise for this. I wrote to you in anger and because of that I was rude, but you have to understand that it's not okay to steal other peoples art. Tracing is stealing. Even if it's just a stupid little doodle. You can draw just fine without it, believe me.

For the end I would like to inform you that from now on every time you repeat this with anyone's drawing, your work will be reported. Doesn't matter what platform do you use or if you block this account of mine.

Thank you for reading.

[lemotmo]

He counts Buck as part of his joy 🩶

Q. I will admit that I misread the ship I attached myself too but I think you all are doing the same thing. Eddie and Buck have barely spoken this season let alone appear to be close to figuring out life changing feelings for one another. I think you all are playing yourselves as well. Just a heads up. And call backs are inevitably going to be repeated given how long the show has been on. These callbacks are coincidental nothing more.

A. Most of their dialogue for the season so far was in episode 5 so I'll agree that their conversations have been minimal for them, but that was very clearly an intentional choice and we got the answer as to why in episode 6. Eddie has been denying himself things that bring him joy. Eddie has been punishing himself. There is a long established history of Eddie enjoying and being endeared by Buck's ramblings. Eddie likes to listen to Buck talk. That is a canon fact. And while they haven't had that much dialogue the show has still made a point of giving them at least one scene together in every episode. We have also seen Eddie looking at and too Buck numerous times. These have almost certainly now been intentional choices. Eddie doesn't want to allow himself his normal with Buck but he's still letting himself look at Buck. Some part of Eddie KNOWS. I think a growing number of people believe that.

And yes calls will be repeated to an extent but they're not 'accidentally' only repeating Buck and Eddie calls. That's a deliberate writing choice. We just don't know why yet. To me it still feels like he's trying to redo the season 5 he wanted without outright repeating it episode for episode. The season has been too similar to 5 so far to be a coincidence. And I don't think anyone is close to admitting or acknowledging anything yet. I think we'll get some kind of cliffhanger with one of them in the mid season finale and a think or nod to the other realizing it or acknowledging something in that moment but I think the first part of 8b will be used as a build up. Episode 118 looks more and more likely every day. And the break will absolutely be promoted using them and what might happen. Their follow numbers, streaming numbers and trending numbers all increased following episode 5. The show clearly has a plan. We haven't misread anything, anon.

Thank you Nonny!

Yep, yep and yep. I don't think anything is coincidental on a TV-show. Everything has meaning. They only have a short amount of time to tell a full story, so a lot of the signs are there, but they're in the background or a part of the decor or clothing.

And when you watch the show long enough, you start to notice patterns and little subtle nudges and hints.

I will most certainly be rewatching 8a during hiatus and see if I can pick up on the little things I might have missed and that haven't been discussed yet.

I agree, the show clearly has a plan.

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[utilitycaster]

#reblogging for the “see: girlfailure” tag#caus I have opinions on the insular fandom memeification of characters but I don't - as this post highlights - have the words for it#but I keep those to dms caus anytime I or a friend has challenged it in a public space it gets shot down#it reeks of my troubles with the general fear of using the word woman these days and how it's girldinner this girlmath that#also what do you call as intentional character traits vs a flopped dice roll

(via @distant--shadow)

so I agree and this is interesting to me because what always frustrated me about "girlfailure" outside the more general issue of "um, coquette/bimbo/girl dinner/uwu soft divine feminine cottagecore domesticity don't you mean u want to braid her hair is actually TRUER feminism than being the surly woman who loves math and sword fights and hates sewing" and the fact that, as you said, it mostly came from bungled dice rolls and no real intent, is that the same people who call her a girlfailure insist that Imogen is the main character. And like, she kind of is! And yet - and I've said this about Imogen and Laudna in the context of their relationship but I'm going to not include that because I actually don't think that's even relevant, it's about them as individual characters as well - people want them to simultaneously be The Main Character or at least heavily in focus and also never, ever have any agency. Like, they want "capable" to mean that everyone likes you, and not that you are a person who makes hard choices for the better.

Maybe it's because I'm playing Baby's First RPG right now, but the deal with RPGs and I think(?) especially this one, is you must make every choice and it is laden with consequences (not that I as a D&D player, or, you know, a human woman, am unfamiliar with that already) but what drives me nuts about the just a silly guy! girlfailure! she chooses to be good and therefore is good narrative for Imogen, and the "stripped of choice" (another highly repeated turn of phrase) for both her and Laudna is that it's untrue and it means nothing. For all my criticism of What Doesn't Break, Laudna makes choices. I frequently dislike them and wish they had more gravity, but she does make them. She doesn't make every choice - notably, her death and Delilah's presence are huge things that happen to her without her input - but even while barely herself she frequently brushes off Delilah. You can imagine the dialogue trees and the paths she takes, to intervene or not. She decides to renew her pact; she decides to run into the desert. Imogen decides to attack the villagers with lightning to defend Laudna. She decides to leave, she decides to keep burning their rivals in the Twilight Mirror Museum, she decides to tell her mother that she won't join her, she decides not to help assassinate her mother.

Fearne has a wonderful line when she's talking with Chetney after shardgate, in which she explains that she's terrified of making bad choices. Not of being a bad person, but of making the bad choices. And that's the thing. You cannot choose to be good. You cannot choose to be bad. At least not in any general sense. You can, however, make choices that harm people or help them. You constantly must do this. You can stray, or change the type of choices you've made, but they do accumulate to a point, eventually, where it becomes harder and harder to stray. However, the premise of D&D is very much that your character hasn't become locked in, yet. Is Imogen making choices that will be better for other people? If the world rests on her shoulders, is she making better choices for the world?

This is perhaps the core theme of this campaign, dating as far back as Downfall. Aeor made their choice - many, many choices. The gods made theirs. Ludinus kept making his, over, and over. It's particularly resonant among the women of the campaign. Obviously there's Fearne, and I've covered Imogen and Laudna, but going over to the Crown Keepers, Morrigan becomes a paladin in a few short weeks - an immense choice. Fy'ra advises others on what they are going to do. And Opal is where she is now because in one moment she put the crown on her head - and in doing so, ceded further choice in the long run. The deities of both fate and free will in this world are given considerable presence in this story, and both use female pronouns.

Maybe I'm making a mountain of a molehill, but I don't think I am. I really do think people cling to "girlfailure" and act like we're just being meanie haters who don't believe Imogen is good because she can be the central character who has power to change the world and the narrative; or she can be pure and innocent of all wrongdoing. she cannot be both. No one can. And deep down I think the "girlfailure" proponents prefer a useless innocent girl to a powerful woman who sometimes makes choices or does things that hurt other people. So I don't think that one's just harmless meme-ing, and if you want to see Imogen as an exceptionally important part of this narrative I think you have to reject the girlfailure, and anyone saying "oh it's just a joke" is either unthinkingly repeating or is pushing a story where Imogen is just a MacGuffin without agency, and neither is worth, in my opinion, listening to. Someone "stripped of choice" in real life is worth our pity and deserves our assistance but they make for a pretty terrible fantasy protagonist, and it's maddening to see a woman in the center of the story and then to be attacked if you want her to be treated like a person who, as a result of being a key protagonist, holds particular power and isn't just a girlfailure.

[pixiecaps]

i cannot even describe to you guys how roier picking that song for qroier completely rewired my brain because it is so so painfully accurate to qroier in that moment

like lets break down the lyrics okay?

“i miss you more than ever and i don’t know what to do. i wake up and i remember you at sunrise. i wait another day to live without you. the mirror doesnt lie, i look so different. i’m missing you.”

already off the top wow. we immediately understand what qroier is feeling and i think the mirror line really hits because obviously he was looking like a fucking mess without cellbit so its all very accurate. also i cannot translate that last line “me haces falta tú” that really conveys the longing and sadness it signifies. its missing someone but in the way of saying like you’re missing them as a part of your life to live or as a piece of you like you’re missing them so you’re struggling to function.

“people come and go its always the same. the rhythm of life seems wrong. it was so different when you were here. yes, it was so different when you were here.”

people come and go reminds me of qroier talking about the eggs and the other islanders. people come and go But you were different. without cellbit everything is just wrong for qroier.

“there is nothing more difficult then living without you. im suffering in the wait of watching you return. the chills of my body ask for you. and i dont know where you are. if you hadn’t left me, i’d be so happy.”

i mean perhaps the most devastating part which isnt surprising as its the chorus which he repeats. i cannot put into words how life changing of a pick this song was for a cubito? for qroier? for mcrp of a queer relationship? THERE IS NOTHING MORE DIFFICULT THEN LIVING WITHOUT YOU? immediately we understand again what qroier is feeling hes very bluntly telling us. thats what makes doied saying he was fine without cellbit even more gut wrenching because cellbit never understood how fucking broken and unfunctional roier was without him. he struggled to fucking live. IM SUFFERING IN THE WAIT OF WATCHING YOU RETURN? every day cellbit was gone for roier it felt like hell. which is devastating cause as we know cellbit was under the perception that roier could finally be happy without him meanwhile roier is barely making it through the day having to take care of a new kid with reminders everywhere of his husband that left him behind. he is anything but happy. THE CHILLS OF MY BODY ASK FOR YOU? screaming. he misses his touch he yearns for his body warmth. do you think when he laid in their bed at the castle it felt as cold as ice? do you think he clung to cellbits side of the bed hoping to feel even just a fraction of the warmth and comfort he felt sleeping by cellbits side months prior? much to think about. AND I DONT KNOW WHERE YOU ARE? he’s again searching for him so desperately we saw the attempts qroier was trying his fucking best cause he made a promise to his husband and it was interrupted sadly. but i think the line of just saying i dont know where you are makes the song and the moment even sadder. all this talk of suffering without a person and you dont even know where they are right now. very accurate for qroier! IF YOU HADNT LEFT ME I’D BE SO HAPPY? no words just no words. you can suffer in agony with me in this one. think about it for a second and cry. no words.

does anyone ever think of spiderbit and how in love qroier was

[blood-starved-beast]

So I've been thinking.

Icarus and Arachne clearly have some situationships going on (Arachne's is triggered when Mel gives her ambrosia and it looks to be mutual unless something else changes). They are both shades LIs (2)

Eris and Nemesis both clearly also have situationships with Melinoe. They are both female god LIs and daughters of Nyx (2).

Moros is highly implied (like the foreshadowing is very thick) to be a potential LI for Melinoe. He is a male god and son of Nyx (1). If we look at the pattern going on so far, we're missing one male god love interest. Who could that be?

Now, it's entirely possible that it's a god not yet included in Early Access and has to be patched in with development. But also. Melinoe has had a parasocial relationship with Hypnos going on since forever. She gives him great reverence/interest with him. She clearly is into babygirl" men. It would be wild, and I say wild, if the final male LI established is Hypnos. Once you wake him that is.

[james-stark-the-writer]

started watching A Murder At The End of the World and i'm only like 4 minutes in rn but oh my fucking god, they already did the impossible, they made synthesizing a literal audience not only not annoying but actually intriguing and effective. holy shit.

[jujutsustraycats]

I'm not as nice as Nami is. I'm not, so don't expect anything too flowery or sweet or diabetes inducing. But I am here for you if you ever need it. And you will undoubtedly need someone in the next two years, and beyond that.

I know you said you're not going on the usual charade of... Competitive exams, that most of the country likes. And that's already a good sign for you. But science is hard. It will be. Your grades might plummet into the fucking ground, or they might slightly waver. And that's OK. It's not the end of the world.

I don't really want to get too personal, but I was a pretty.. good student lmao. Until grade 11 I had a rep for being that student who got a 95+ on every single test without studying. I'd open my books the day before the exam, and pass with a 99 with no effort whatsoever. Yeah, I was that asshole.

You won't be able to do that in 11th and 12th. Or ever again, really. Prepare yourself for that. If you are like me, and don't study until the final day and expected to get a 99, change that right now. It won't happen.

Now, it's going to be about consistency. Smaller efforts, but good ones, spread across every day. Your routine matters. The amount of sleep you get, the stuff you eat, the way you work through your day, everything will matter now. And not just for now, for ahead, too. So make sure you take care of your body, and your mind.

Work, but don't overwork. Have fun, but don't ignore your responsibilities for it. Nami's message mentions chaotic fun— I wasn't that type of person, not really. My fun was cool writing or drawing. Chatting with the people I love. Video gaming. And it's lovely! I'm not going to tell you how to have fun. But you should, because those moments of laughter will carry you through these years.

You're going to make friends, lose friends, make enemies and forget enemies. It'll happen. But the connections you make now will impact the course of your life for the next two years. When you enter conversations, do so with conviction. Know what you think and feel, and don't sway. Listen to opinions but don't let them take over your brain without cross checking it with your own thoughts first.

I hope you have people you can depend on. If nobody else, you have me and Nami. We're here for you.

Adults will tell you a lot, over the course of these two years. Listen to everything, but listen to it with a critical ear. You're capable of knowing what is and isn't important to you, personally. Stick to your guns, but be open to new suggestions. People will make personal quips at you, and they will hurt. Let them. But don't let them stick onto your being and pollute your awareness of yourself.

Mmm.. I don't really have anything else to say, not in particular. I know South India is a lot different to where I'm at rn, so my experiences will not be the same as yours. But I get it. I do, and so you can shoot me an ask or a DM anytime. I will be more than happy to help. Whether it's homework or just a vent, go for it, okay?

And above all, don't look back at what used to be, and what might have been.

When you take decisions, take them with consideration of all the information you have on hand right now. And once you've taken it, don't look back. Maybe later, with extra information, you will regret what you chose. It can happen. But you should be able to look back, and tell yourself, "No. I made that decision after considering everything I knew then. And so I do not regret the choice I made then."

You'll hear this a lot, but a set routine really really helps. I disagree with Nami, I don't think you will need late nights or overworking if you set yourself a routine. My routine changed depending on my schedule for the next day, but always make sure you get a minimum of 6 hours of sleep and some exercise, okay? It'll take you a long way.

And above all.

Anything, really.

Nothing else matters.

But be kind to yourself.

:)

I'm smiling so much with tears in my eyes. Again.

Thank you so much, Lune. Really. I appreciate this so much.

[trans-native-tokipona]

adding onto some of the points as a trisana person!! same tw applies here!!

goal weights: don't hesitate to break your big ugw into smaller gws. if you use pounds, i'd recommend to place your smaller gws every 10lbs until your ugw, if you use kilograms i recommend 5kg instead. also don't hesitate to lower your ugw. mine used to be 75lbs (around 34kg), now it's 20kg (about 44lbs), it's pretty common to lower your ugw after a while

fasting: start small, holy fuck please start small. don't immediately start doing 2 days fast otherwise you're very likely to fail. intermittent fasting is good, i recommend tracking it with an app (i use zero personally) but honestly just using a timer app is fine too. my biggest advice in general (i'll talk more about it in the food section) is to first observe your current habits, and build your new habits around them. if you're already used to not eating breakfast, you can already start with 16:8 fasts daily, and slowly start pushing your lunch later or your dinner earlier. personally my preferred way of fasting is OMAD (one meal a day) because i live with family and can't get out of eating dinner lol

food: this might be controversial but hear me out. don't immediately start restricting, especially not low restriction (low res = low amount of cals, some people might see it as not restricting a lot but this is how i use low/high res). instead, give yourself a week of simply tracking your food, without counting the cals, to get yourself used to doing it. then, one week of counting the cals but not giving yourself any goal. look at the numbers, try to see if there's a pattern (for example, eating more on weekends, etc). keep this pattern throughout your restriction. start slowly, SLOWLY, getting those numbers down. i repeat, do not suddenly restrict to 500 a day, you're setting yourself up for failure. and the "doing it slowly" part is especially useful if you're still living with your family because slowly eating less and less is less suspicious than suddenly barely eating. i personally find using an app for calorie tracking not that useful, i like writing it down in a notebook, but a few app suggestions i have are myfitnesspal, calory, cronometer, and lose it

other stuff: WATCH!! ED-RELATED!! MEDIA!! to the bone is a classic, my personal favorite is ★ving in suburbia/th!nsp1ration, the first is available on netflix i think and the second is on tubi (use a vpn if you're not from the US). that, or watch wl shows. supersized vs superskinny, secret eaters, my 600lbs life, it's your fault i'm fat, etc... other than my 600lbs life they are all on tubi too, not sure where to find my 600lbs life without tlc tbh. i know the first two are also on youtube if you prefer that

specifically, if you decide to watch supersized vs superskinny, observe the superskinny's habits, replicate them. in the second and third season, they also have a segment where they follow anorexic people's treatment, it's also full of behavior to replicate. documentary about anorexics are a goldmine in that way.

i could have sworn i had a post saved somewhere with a list of ed media but i can't find it. oh well. edit: found it (link) :)

more other stuff: workout, for the love of everything unholy workout please. if you're not a bug workout person (same) just pick two or three exercises you know you can do, and do 200 of them in a day.

i do recommend having a notebook to track your wl and keep some advices, maybe cals in specific foods you eat semi-regularly, some motivation, etc. having a physical object that is decicated to wl helps me focusing on it, it also serves as a good distraction.

anyway i've yapped too much. last advice go on twt and find some of those "how i lose x kg/lbs in y days!!" they will have more advice

>> Transan0rexia tips!

tw: eating dis0rder!!!!

>> first of all i recommend thinking what you want your ultimate goal weight to be and always keep it mind! >> you can also make shorter term goals when it comes to weight to help you be motivated! (for example if your ultimate goal weight is 90 lbs then a good goal weight could be 110-100 lbs) >> Fasting: i recommend starting small and working your way up! >> so i would start with intermidiate fasting (fasting for like 16 hours and having a 8 hour window to eat) >> then you can start 24 hours fast!! >> drink lots and lots and lots of water when fasting, not only does it keep you full but dry fasting is super dangerous! >> try to keep yourself as occupide as possible, keeping yourself occupide helps with not thinking about food as much!! >> foods: have a calorie limit! >> it can be any cal limit!! is up to you! >> you can have a few meals per day that are under your limit or have one big meal ones a day thats is your limit, which ever works <33 >> i also reccomend having a food ritual, it helps with making feel eating like a task and makes you want to eat less! >> some examples of food rituals: drinking on cup of water before during and after a meal, taking a sip of water after every bite, chew 30 times, have 20 bites of your food, ect >> the food rituals can be anything, its just to make eating as tasky as possible!! >>if possible i recommend making a 3dblr acc >> theres lots and lots of tips there! >> some abbrevations(?? idk how to describe it) that are use on 3dblr! : ugw: ultimate goal weight, gw: goal weight , cw: current weight , hw: highest weight , lw: lowest weight , sw: starting weight, b/p: binge purging , c/s : chew and spit (if there any i miss let me know!!!) >>also look into bmi! bmi is your bodies mass percentage!

[coquelicoq]

just saw my friend who speaks french and told her about my list of favorite french words to pronounce and as soon as she asked for examples i forgot all of them except ensemencement. so i was like, okay get this: ensemencement. expecting her to be like, never heard of it. but she was like, ensemencement! and i said, it's an insanely fantastic word but it probably doesn't come up in the wild in conversation like at all frequently :( because how often is it necessary to talk about the act of sowing seeds if you're not a farmer? and she was like well it was necessary to me. i used it for sure. and that's when i remembered that she was in france specifically to get a science degree which involved reading agriculture textbooks in french so yeah. without even meaning to i found the one american who already has a relationship with the french word ensemencement. serendipity.

[whoblewboobear]

Staring down that weird feeling of feeling like too much or out of place or annoying if I say too much or say things too loud or too off-putting to be like- WANTED in any given social situation. To try so hard to socialize just to- idk. I’d very much like to stop defaulting to that scared kid that was pushed away or talked over until I got old enough and desperate enough to say any and every rapid fire thought that comes to mind. Like filling space when there’s dead air then wondering if maybe I did the Too Much™️ thing again and A. Scared everyone away or B. Pushed everyone away so it would hurt less when they leave BC of A.

Of feeling like I need to be useful or smart or talented or pretty or SOMETHING worthwhile so people want me around. I can just be but then it’s like just being has never been enough for anyone to like- stay. Or care. Running is always a mistake bc it’s like riiiight.. no one noticed you ran, babe. You’re not even at the top of their list people to want around. And just feel so low about it that I talk myself into feeling miserable again.

I’m happy, ive been so much happier lately and i dont take it for granted bc it’s so rare that things go okay or that there’s a sense of peace for a moment. I’m creating again and im less hard on myself about it. I have hobbies again, I’m making friends. And still I’m like seeing the other foot start to drop in real time bc it’s like. You’re in, but are you? That constant nagging voice that sounds so much like my own going “lonely again? Good you deserve it”

[cottoncandywhispers]

i’m going to be very real with you guys i’m so lonely in this!!!! i’m trying so hard!!!! still !!!! no one cares!!!! you’re on your own kid, you always have been!!! i’m trying to think positive about it!!!! but it’s hard!!!!