#and i remembered i had this video downloaded from ages and ages ago and forgot to gif it at the time. and now ;_; he!!!!

[vcrnons]

YUTA Numero TOKYO (for @justsomekpopstuff <3)

[roffmychest]

I'm so angry at my Dad and Stepmom, I'm angry at them for a lot of things (years of verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse that caused me severe mental health problems only for them to act surprised and betrayed when I cut them off because I literally couldn't handle going to their house anymore without having a really bad panic attack) but right now I'm so fucking angry for a specific reason

So long before I cut them off I'd often play on my Stepmom's phone because I didn't have one back then, I'd often use it to watch videos or play Angry Birds, one day I heard about this app called Musically (now known as TikTok) and I asked my Stepmom's permission to download it, surprisingly she said yes and so did my Dad

The reason I was surprised is because they were both super big on internet safety which I agreed with, but sometimes they were REALLY strict about it, for example I wasn't allowed to talk to people on roblox which is understandable, but I couldn't talk to ANYONE even those I knew in real life, so whenever I wanted to play roblox with someone I knew in real life they either needed to be at my house or I needed to call/facetime them

So my Stepmom helped me make my Musically account and I was just a kid making stupid videos, most of them now really embarrassing to look back on, I was about 7 when I started that account, when I was 8 I got my own phone so I made my own musically account on there and I used both the one on my Stepmoms phone and my phone, I stopped making videos at age 9 because I got bored of it and I soon deleted the app.

I soon became quite ashamed of my old videos and I hated them, the videos were so embarrassing in fact I got EXTREMELY uncomfortable when someone showed me them when I was older, which is something my Stepmom JUST ABSOLUTELY LOVED to do in my pre teens despite knowing how uncomfortable I was

One day (about a year before I cut my Stepmom and Dad off) I asked my Stepmom if she could please delete the old Musically account off her phone, she said she would which I was happy about

Something happened when I was in my first year of middle school, someone had found one of my old Musically accounts, specifically the one on MY phone because I had deleted the app but not the account itself, how it happened was one of my older "friends" that knew me when I still used the account found it again, we had a small laugh about it (because yeah it was embarrassing but it was my friend so I knew I could trust them), eventually the "friend" sent some of my old videos to the group chat full of our other friends which I wasn't happy about but I thought I could trust these people

I can't really remember what happened exactly because this was years ago but from what I can remember, one of the "friends" sent the video to one of their friends, apparently their friend thought it was a good idea to send it to their friend, then they sent it to their friend, then to their friend, and eventually nearly my whole class and some other people at school saw it, when I found out I felt so humiliated, people bothered me and teased me about the video all day to the point where I was in tears but they didn't care, they just kept on laughing at me and mocking the stupid videos I made

When I got home I managed to log into my old account and delete it, but of course the internet is forever and I bet some of the bullies still have the embarrassing videos of 8 year old me which I hate thinking about.

Thankfully people forgot about it after a while and I haven't heard of the situation since, and don't worry I'm no longer friends with those people most of them were assholes to me and each other. I remember feeling so angry at my Dad and Stepmom especially for letting me make those accounts despite the fact I wasn't even old enough for the platform (I'm pretty sure you need to be 13 or older to make an account on Musically/TikTok and I was 7 and 8), they both knew full well the internet is forever and my videos could possibly resurface and could be seen by the wrong people yet they didn't give a shit

The one time in my life where I could've actually used some internet safety tips they didn't give it to me, instead they focused on stupid things like not letting me talk to friends I knew in real life on Roblox

And to add the cherry on top of the humiliation cake, I recently checked to see if my Stepmom actually deleted the other account I made on her phone, she fucking didn't, and yeah I made the account back in the early-mid 2010's and not many older videos resurface on TikTok without searching for them, but I'm still paranoid nearly everday that someone I know could find that account, not have good intentions and end up sending it to other people and humiliating me all over again

Whats worse is that I am a transgender individual (something both my Dad and Stepmom know), of course I made those videos back when I was still my previous gender, I'm stealth with most people but I'm scared if someone finds my previous account not only will I be humiliated but I'll also be outed as a transgender person which is something I don't want to deal with, I just want to live my life as a normal person and as if I wasn't born a different gender, I don't like making a big deal out of my transgender especially if I don't know how someone will react to it, the only time someone knows I'm transgender is of course if they knew me before I transitioned or if I start dating them

I'm just really angry right now and I just want to yell at my Stepmom and Dad for letting me make those accounts despite me not being old enough and not deleting them when I told them to, in fact I want to yell at them for a lot of things

.

[ddsverse]

I started writing this as a message to someone, but I brought it here instead ...

And Dragula is my song. You can't have it. I will fight you tooth and nail. 🔥

Before I lost all my hand written stuff. I wrote my first dark story based from that song. I remember every single poem and short story I wrote from age 12 to 29, including the ones I performed on stage, but I will never be able to write them again.

Someone back in Watertown, Ny may have a box full of my notebooks with them. Unless it was just tossed.

I also accidentally forgot to pack my written manuscript when I left ... And later I left a cd copy of my files in a computer in Nebraska by accident 13 years ago.

That's also the last time I had a lot of music at my disposal. I had over 3 weeks worth of songs on disc that got left somewhere. It's likely someone else wnded up with those.

After that it became increasingly difficult to download free music anymore

My entire existence has been about loss. I lost my innocence before I reached 10 years old. I lost my virginity to a whore and didn't even really know it until later.

She wasn't my first girlfriend who I got intimate with. Just the first one I went all the way with. I made out on a bed with my first girl when I was 11 ... and a few others, one of which was a unique encounter. I still wish to this day that we had done some things differently...

It wasn't until I was 16 that I had my first official and public girlfriend. Who ended up with my best friend at the time ...

I was a really screwed kid with a bad home life. I didn't know how to handle anything. Now I just wish someone had grabbed me up and taken me into the the spy business something. Alot of kids like me end up in that life. Others end up in more tragic scenarios ... I'd love to be a well paid sniper.

My only refuge was video games and dancing ...

This wasn't supposed to be about my life history, but there it is. I'll be putting this on my WordPress.

#ddsverse #deaddragonsociety #poetry #poetryporn #poetryislife #poetrylovers #poetic #poemsociety #poemcommunity #poetrycommunity

#writingcommunity #writerscommunity #writerlife #writersociety

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[ohwereusingourmadeupnames]

“ how the hell did this happen? ” - starker

Fire, Burning Me Up

Pairing: Peter Parker/Tony Stark (Starker) Rating: Mature (M) Notes: For some reason, my brain went to this - hope you don’t mind!  Word Count: ~2k Summary:

Peter is transfixed by the man at the bar - a firefighter with a trimmed goatee and the most gorgeous eyes. What he expects to be something fun turns into something that could easily turn into forever. 

do the thing, send in all the prompts

The first time Peter saw him, he was out for drinks with Ned and MJ – they’d been balls deep in thesis research for the last ten days, getting out of the dimly lit lab and behind the wood of a bar absolutely needed to happen. He just didn’t expect that night to change the rest of his life like it did.

Peter liked to let the image of the man he’d come to know as Tony sit in the front of his mind, like a picture in a wallet or sitting on his desk in a frame. The NYFD on the back of his shirt was the first thing to draw him in. In all of his adult life, Peter hadn’t encountered a firefighter before. May’s cooking was dismal, and the local Queens department knew her by name, but he hadn’t had any unfortunate accidents like that since moving out and starting his schooling at TISCH; and that was 6 years ago.

He was sitting next to a beefy blonde man who was in the same shirt – the firehouse numbers on the side of their sleeves matched, too. There were a couple of empty stools next to them, but drinks rested in front of them waiting for their owners to return. Peter watched the two men closely, the obvious familiarity between them much like him and the two goons getting sloppy at their table. His breath caught when Tony turned to look at him. He could’ve gotten lost in the cognac color of his eyes; they were warm and staring at him intently.

Already too deep into the staring contest to look away, Peter flashed him a smile. In the times they’d talked about it since then, Tony told him it looked shy on his end, but he remembered feeling confident, happy to have caught his attention. Tony didn’t hesitate to smile back, either. The side of his mouth crinkled when he did, the well taken care of goatee framing the look on his face spectacularly. He mouthed ‘hi’ at Peter and shook his own beer bottle, his eyebrows raising.

Looking down at the last sip of his beer, Peter picked it up and downed it. He watched Tony chuckle and turn to flag down the bartender. For a few seconds, Peter forgot he was with his friends – MJ’s voice stopped him as he got out of his chair with the clear determination to head across the bar. “Where you off to, Petey?” He caught her eye and saw the sarcasm swimming there – in all the time he’d known her, MJ lived to give him shit.

“There’s a firefighter at the bar that’s making eyes at me. I’m going to go see what all the fuss is about.” Nodding his head at her, Peter turned back around, his long legs carrying him over to the bar dizzyingly quick. The seat next to Tony was vacant, the tall blonde now hovering over by the pool tables across the room.

It probably should’ve felt weird, sitting down next to a total stranger – but it didn’t. Tony turned towards him with a smile, his eyes gleaming in the fluorescent light. “Hey – I’m Tony.” It was simple and wholesome and the hand that Peter grasped a second later was rough and fit so nicely against his palm.

Peter switched to something a little lighter so he could absorb everything about Tony – they spent the rest of the night talking about his Interactive Telecommunications degree and where he wanted to take it after graduation in a couple of months. Tony told him about the fire station that he manned as the acting chief – he kept a smile on his face the entire time he recalled the men that worked with him and the adventures they’d been on. 

Some of them made Peter cringe with a terrible sort of discomfort – but, they were interesting and made Tony even more badass than he initially thought.

The biggest shocker of the night came when Tony mentioned a 5-year-old daughter. He’d been married briefly before deciding that hiding in the closest wasn’t worth all the heartache he’d caused. His ex-wife kept Amelia during Tony’s nights on shift, and the rest of the time was spent with Tony, learning and getting into as much trouble as possible. 

A piece of his mind was jumping up and down, trying to signal the need to get out while he still could. Peter wasn’t keen on that, though – Tony caught his attention; that was so much more than anyone else in his life over the last few years.

Over another 3 drinks, Peter got to know more and more about the fire engine driver turned team lead – he had a degree in Mechanical Engineering and originally got into firefighting just to work on the trucks. Every new piece of him made Peter wanted to know more, so when Tony asked him for his number a couple of hours later, he didn’t hesitate to give it to him.

They had a date planned before Peter walked back to his apartment with the friends he eventually caught up to. The smile on his face gave him away – he spent the rest of the early morning telling MJ about Tony; she grinned at him the entire time he talked.

“You’ve got it bad, Cupcake,” MJ stated plainly, her arm wrapping around his shoulder when he didn’t deny it. The blush on his face was answer enough, anyway.

Actually dating Tony Stark was even more interesting the man himself. He kept the weirdest hours, because of the many chaotic days he was used to at the station. It took a while for Peter to adjust to the requests to meet Tony in the weirdest places, but he did for the sake of the precious human who wanted his attention. The very first time he met Amelia, Tony texted him to meet him at the grocery store – he had a few hours to spare and wanted to have Peter there for them.

The little girl didn’t bat and eye – she held out her hand the same way her father did when Peter first sat down next to him. “I’m Amelia,” she said simply, the 5-year-old way more articulate than Peter was at that age.

“Hey Amelia, I’m Peter.” He gave her small hand the briefest of squeezes before letting go, a beaming smile slipping across his face. She looked so much like Tony; it was kind of eerie.

She nodded her head at him, her own lips tilting up into a grin. “I know. Daddy spent the last half an hour telling me all about you. You do cool things with art, right?” Tony looked at her with narrowed eyes when she threw him under the bus – she laughed and shrugged; the man’s own gesture being used against him. “Well, it’s true.”

Peter wanted to throw his arms around the two of them – he didn’t know that he could like Tony any more than he already did, but he was constantly being proven wrong. He looked between them before answering, his arms seriously itching for a group hug. “I’m not mad about that. It’s kind of cute,” he said, looking up at Tony with a quick wink. “That is me, though. I’m currently doing research with Virtual Reality creation and usage.”

How quickly he bonded with Amelia amazed him – it was even more seamless than his connection with Tony. The girl was smart and curious; she asked why constantly and wanted to know how everything worked. Sometimes, Peter would head over to the Stark household just to hang out with Amelia; Tony’s schedule was perfect for random drop-ins that turned into hours watching the girl while his boyfriend ran into work because of some crisis or another.

During one of the many times that happened, Amelia had the idea to make cupcakes. She talked him into downloading the Pintrest app and searching for the most complex ones that she could find. The smile that passed across her lips when she realized he would be helping her making rainbow unicorn cupcakes made it worth it – no matter how much he would wholeheartedly deny it.

Tony didn’t do a lot of cooking, so they had to wait for a grocery delivery to get to the house. While they did, Amelia told him about all of the unicorns they would be making and the names she picked out for each of them. Peter sincerely hoped they’d be able to make something at least edible – the thought of her crippling disappointment almost enough to make him back out at the last minute.

Always one to keep his promise, Peter shook his head and found some resolve – they were cupcakes, how bad could it really be? When the doorbell rang, Peter set Amelia up with some crayons at the table and went to grab the bags from the delivery guy. He gave him a good tip for all of the help and carried their loot back to the kitchen.

Luckily, Amelia was still young enough to not know the difference between from scratch and out of the box – Peter poured the white cake mix into the bowl before she could even question it. They cracked a couple of eggs and added the oil and water – she used both hands on the whisk to combine the mixture. Peter might’ve got a video of it, but he knew better than to tell her that. When she deemed it mixed enough, they separated it into a couple of Ziploc bags and added the different shades of food coloring to try and mimic the colors from the recipe.

They weren’t quite the same, but she didn’t seem to mind to much.

Distracted by the need to get the frosting out and into a bowl so they could get it ready to get it on the cupcakes, Peter set the oven way hotter than necessary. It didn’t even occur to him to check – Amelia was demanding that they get the colors spot on this time around.

By the time that Peter noticed the fire, the oven was steaming black smoke and the detectors in the house whirred with loud pitched sounds. Amelia covered her ears and ran to the pantry. She threw open the door and started gesturing wildly. 

Knowing that’s where they kept the fire extinguisher, Peter ran over and grabbed it. “Get out of the kitchen, Ames. Go call your dad and tell him I’m an idiot.” She quirked a brow at him but was quick to comply. Being the child of a fire chief meant that she knew how to get ahold of her father and 911.

It wasn’t nearly as bad as he figured by the billowing smoke flying out of the oven as he sprayed the foam over it. All of the cupcakes were totally charred, but the entire oven wasn’t up in flames – so he counted that as a win. When he could think clearly, he called out to Amelia – her feet on the tile floor sounding immediately, the little girl flying into his arms before he knew it. “Are you okay?”

She nodded, her arms around his neck. “I’m fine – Dad sounded a little grumpy on the phone. He’s on his way, though.” Her lips grazed his cheek, like the consolation of her affection would be enough to smooth the entire situation over. He kept her in his arms until Tony walked in the back door, a panicked look on his face.

Amelia got down and ran over to Tony – he leaned over to grab her without a second thought. “How the hell did this happen?” Tony questioned; his eyes wide as he took in the mess of the oven. “If you were trying to burn the cupcakes, you totally succeeded.” The words were meant to soothe the blow, his attempt at a smile making Peter laugh.

“We were trying to make rainbow unicorn cupcakes. I got so caught up on making the icing perfect that I… forgot them. The smoke was black, so they were really burnt. I’m sorry,” Peter muttered, his hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck. He’d been pretty stupid, putting someone else’s daughter in danger the way he did.

Yet, when Tony and Amelia’s arms came around him, he was enveloped in the sort of hug that suggested relief for his sake as well. “I’m glad you’re okay,” Tony whispered, his lips pressing against Peter’s ear.

The gagging sound Amelia made had Peter pressing in, giving her a sloppy kiss right in the middle of her forehead.

Peter didn’t expect a family to come out of chatting with a cute guy at a bar, but now that he had it, he sure as fuck wasn’t letting it go.

[marceltorak]

Simmer, Get to know

Tagged by the lovely @katsimsdreamer​ and @whyhellosims​ ♥

Under the cut, these are so long ☻♥

Your name: Patricia is my Real Life name but on the internet, I go by MarcelTorak for account names and Sinostra (usually) for my avatar in games.

Languages you speak: English, a tiny smattering of Spanish and French because you know school and education. French is required in elementary school in Canada and Spanish, German or French are usually options for you in Highschool. I studied Spanish for 4 years but that was 20 years ago so... I retained NOTHING! 

Are you a mermaid: I am a Life Bouy I float... literally FLOAT like I can dive into the water and just keep my arms and legs straight at my sides and I will end up on my back floating perfectly.

Your playstyle: Mostly just Gameplay but I have been trying challenges recently. I never tried any challenges before I joined Tumblr.

Your self sim picture:  I might be a bit thicker but I’m sure I set her to the heaviest setting. I’m lucky in that I retained my figure even when I gained 100 pounds it helps me look less than I really am.

Stories or gameplay builds, lookbooks, edits or cc:  I love reading people's stories. I love doing gameplay and just seeing what randomness can happen at times. I’m too lacking in confidence to really do lookbooks or builds but I love looking at other peoples. I adore CC just not talented enough to make it but I certainly APPRECIATE IT!!! I did do my first edit ever the other day for the Lunar Zodiac Challenge!!!

Your favourite age state:  I would love the age states a hell of a lot more if there was -more- I could do with them. Infants, Toddlers, Children are so adorable but I feel really limited in their activities and personalities. Teens are great because the game treats them like practical adults so there is little you can’t do with them. I love the growing up and watching them become someone...

Your favourite season: Every time I start a new save I start in spring because I feel that is the order of things. Birth life ageing death and birth anew. It feels off if I choose a different season to start with. I did it with the Santa Baby Challenge but that’s because she’s all about winter so I had to.

Your favourite holiday:  Winterfest was my favourite because of the Santa Baby Challenge and the fun I had with it but I’m growing to really like Love Day and the warm fuzzies I get seeing my sims do special things for their loved ones.

How was your day: I didn’t really get much done today but the things I really wanted to get done today I did finish so I feel accomplished. 

Your favourite career:  If you don’t mind needing to travel around a lot the Conservationist Career when you do the stay at home functions was really fun when I started out with Pearl but as my families grow I lose the time to spend focusing on the stay at home tasks as much so I usually pick a job that suits their personality or aspiration and send them off without me.

Your favourite aspiration: I love family aspirations.

Your favourite EP, SP or GP

Favourite Eps: Island Living 

Favourite SP’s: The toddler one. I forgot what it’s called.

Favourite GP’s: Vampires and Realm of Magic

How old is your simblr:  I should be hitting 1 year old within the month? I’ve had the account for much longer but I’ve only been active for a year.

Have you woohooed:  I should say so. I’ve been married, divorced and now live common law with my current darling who I hope to be with forever. It’s been 8 years so I think I will. ^_^

Your favourite skill: Any musical skill, Flower Arranging and Wellness.

The size of your mods folder: 16.6 gigs with about 580+ folders sorting by the creator.

Your 3 favourite mods: Deaderpool for MCCC, LittleMsSam and all her mods, Polar Bear sims and their Personality and vampire mods. I suppose but I really am tied up with several more I would want to list.

Your interests (other than sims):  Reading, Crochet and Video Games... Mostly RPG types like World of Warcraft, Starwars and the like.

Your favourite sim (picture if possible): I made her for a bachelor(ette) challenge that never went anywhere so she’s never gotten to be featured in anything but I seriously think this is the most beautiful sim I’ve ever made and will ever make.

which sims games you have played (including mobile games): The Sims 1, 2, 3 and 4. I had the Wii sims uhm... those little box head ones? Both mobile versions as well. Oh and the Castaways one. I still own (in storage somewhere so the disks might not work anymore... all the expansions, game packs and stuff packs of Sims 1, 2, 3, and almost all of 4 I’m just missing tiny living.

Propose a crazy scheme: *raises pointed finger in the air* I believe that what sims 4 needs the most is what sims 3 had! That website connected to the game that lets you purchase little addons for the game! You could by something as simple as a hairstyle or a whole town! you had to use real money and I can’t see why it wouldn’t make them billions of dollars because I swear by the time sims 4 came out I had invested about 1,000 dollars myself alone and I still hadn’t bought all I wanted to buy! Hell! They could even save themselves time and give out like a... I dunno uhm.. royalty payment? to current modders to feature their stuff on the sims official site if they let the company own the CC from then on but the artist either would get a single fair payout or a couple of cents per download kinda payout.... it would motivate the people who make CC for money as well as fun and give EA a massive pool of content to choose from!

The best part of simblr:  Seeing all the amazing talent, imaginations and humour of the people around me who have the same joy in playing sims as I do. Seeing comments on my posts even if it’s just a <3 I get all happy seeing it!

The worst part of simblr:  Well I haven’t really gotten to see the dark side of Simblr to be honest but I do think that people sometimes can get out of hand with their differing opinions.

What other games you play: World of Warcraft, Starwars Online, Any MMORPG really I’ve tried almost all of them if they are free to try. Lately, my husband and I play Titan Quest together it’s fun it’s like Diablo 2

other websites or accounts (origin, twitter etc..): uuuuuuhm I have a Facebook account for personal use that I hardly use other than to get messages from people I need to hear from since I do not have a phone. I have a twitter I never use that I linked to things so they post on it for me? I have an Instagram I was putting crochet stuff on it but I can’t remember the password for it anymore I never use it really I don’t really Uhm... do the social thing... I’m on Discord?

I’m tagging: @quinnterestingsims, @kalissimsblog​, @lotusplum​, @sammsims​, @sadmachinepng​, @nyxfoxx​ if you already have done this or don’t want too then just ignore it.

[killian-whump]

OUAT 3x04: Rewatch Liveblog

Hey guys! I'm back again with another rewatch liveblog. Man, I'm kinda storming through S3 so far, due to the lack of Killian whump in a lot of these early episodes. Don't worry, I'm sure I'll make up for that by spending a quarter of a century on the next episode :P

But before THAT episode, we have THIS one! It's episode 3x04, and it's called "Nasty Habits". Unfortunately, none of those habits seem to be torturing pirates, because there's only some Killian angst in this one.

Well, let's watch it anyway... ;)

Neal bondage. Way to start off an episode!

Shame I'm not that into Neal, though :/

Hahaha, and Felix isn't even good at tying people up. Theeeere goes Bae.

Gotta admit, his "I'm not a boy anymore, and I sure ain't lost" is kinda hot XD

Bae: "Papa, I told you: I don't want anymore gifts from the people you terrorize." Ummm. Rumple, that's super fucking creepy. Rumple: "Then what do you want?" LIKE, LITERALLY ANYTHING THAT ISN'T THAT.

Hey, solid question here, but why IS the Dark One still living in a hovel at this point?

Oh, totally unnecessary but kinda awesome warpaint time.

And creepy Belle conjuring time. I mean, kudos to you for maintaining your child-like wonder, Rumple, but having invisible friends at your age IS kinda weird. Just saying.

Although, I mean, it DOES do a solid job of giving Rumple a chance to tell the audience his own inner doubts and fears in a far less creepy way than having him literally talking to himself.

So there's that.

Wow, that's a really nice little miniature "Pan's Compound" made out of rocks and sticks. Did they all work together to gather the rocks and arrange everything so artfully? Or did one of them just sit there and do this on their own like the world's loneliest middle school art project? And if so, who?

"It's not the sticks you need to worry about. It's the poison they're dipped in." MEANINGFUL OMINOUS CAPTAIN CHARMING LOOK BEHOOOOOOOOLD

Tink: "One nick, and you'll spend the rest of yo-" Dave: "Poison sticks equal death. We got it." No, no, Dave. Let her finish. This sounds relevant to my interests.

Tink looks so cheerful as she says she's ready to go as soon as they tell her the exit plan. Oh, sweet summer child. You're obviously new here.

...ALL of their faces right here. They're all like, "Oh shit, we were hoping you wouldn't ask us that." Except Hook, who looks as vaguely amused by their reactions as we are.

Regina's SO happy to hear of Greg's demise. I FEEL YOU, GIRL. I FEEL YOU.

David: "what about you, Hook? You got off this island before." Hook: "Yes. Aboard my ship, which would require some form of magic to create a portal, which... I got from Pan, in a deal I don't think he's ready to repeat." TELL US MORE OR I SWEAR TO GOD

He can't even meet anyone's eyes as he says it, either. Just what WAS that deal, Hook? Don't make me imagine it. You won't like what I imagine. Mmmm. I like what I'm imagining...

More angst. Yum.

Ahh... Rumple hears the murmurings of conversation...

BAM! Poppy dust to the face! Why did he use poppy dust, though? I mean, I assume it's poppy dust, since it looked the same as when Tink knocked Regina out last episode - which was pointed out to be done with poppy dust.

OH, HEY LOOK, GUYS, IT'S BAELFIRE

HE'S NOT DEAD, EVERYBODY!

Don't act like you've already known that since last season, because that's just gonna make Rumple feel bad for being so behind on the news.

THIS IS WHERE A COMMERCIAL WOULD BE IF WE HAD ANY

True Story: I meant to do this rewatch post the other day, but when I sat down to watch the episode, it turned out my copy of 3x04 was somehow episode 4 of Once Upon a Time in Wonderland, so I had to go online and re-download the right episode, because of course I’m too lazy to rip my own videos. I just download them like the dirty pirate I am. Yarrrrrr.

Anyway, this episode seems to have slightly longer black breaks where the commercials were. Weird. Anyway...

SERIOUSLY, RUMPLE?!

We've already talked about how creepy it is, giving your kid "gifts" you stole from the people you torment with your dark magic.

Oh, look. Rumple's gone to Hamelin. And the children are missing. And there's a piper. And he wears a pied cloak. THIS SOUNDS FAMILIAR... (and I don't mean from the previous times I've seen this episode, you smart asses.)

Rumple: "Pan is too powerful. You can only beat him if you're willing to die... which I am." Ummm. But you were willing to die to save Henry because Baelfire was dead, and... and... I mean... *gestures vaguely* Neal: "What if I told you there was another way?"

No, apparently it involves attacking one of Kraken-san's friends and relations. Don't worry, guys, no krakens were harmed in the harvesting of this squid ink. This particular kraken lived long after this, and sired a bunch of tiny kraken babies who went on to plunder pirate butts all along the shores of Neverland after the realms were united in S7.

It's true. I made it up just now.

Hahahahaha, Regina. "What is this supposed to be?" Well, it looks like... a gigantic rock of some kind, but I'm no expert or anything.

Oh, it's the "hot" conversation. I love it XD And the way David snaps the rope away from Hook, like he doesn't need his piddly help. "And I'm plenty hot." Yeah, you sure are, Dave XD

Mmmm... Hook's so intense when he's talking to Dave. "Why don't you?"

"Oh, if there's one thing I've gleaned from you hero types, it's that there's always hope." <3

"Is there something you're not telling me... mate?" Oh, NOW he's your mate XD

"Alas, hope and reality are most often worlds apart." T_T

Sure, just shove him, Dave. Can't you see he's going through something here? Look how angsty he is. Like an angst burrito wrapped in black leather.

OH SHIT. NOT THIS AGAIN.

I love the way Emma calls out Hook’s name. It's so familiar <3

Come on, baby. You can light the torch this time. Just keep trying. You can do i- DAMMIT DAVE. Every time I watch this episode, you shove him out of the way and use your fancy shmancy modern lighter to light the torch. He's just an angsty pirate, trying the best he can with one hand and a hook T_T

Showin' him up in front of Emma and all that... SO MEAN T_T

Hook's face, tho XD

...and Emma's not even paying attention, anyway XD

On a more serious note, these kinds of bestings make me laugh. I love them all <3

Oh, back to Hamelin.

Yeah, follow those kids, Rumple. This is probably the only time saying that wouldn’t be super duper creepy.

Gee, that piper on the other side of the fire looks a bit familiar...

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS, IT'S PETER FUCKING PAN D:

Pan really IS a little shit, though, isn't he? Hahaha. Such absolutely horrible things to say to your own kid. WORST PARENT ON THE SHOW. And there's a LOT of competition for that spot, let me tell you.

NM, I don't need to tell you. You all already know XD

"After all, being abandoned is what you're good at, isn't it?" JFC, dude, chill out or something. This isn't the Cruelty Olympics up in here. I'd know if it was. I'd be taking part... AND STILL SIDE-EYEING YOUR NASTY ASS.

Just kidding. Love you, boo. Keep being the best little shit this side of the sewage plant.

Hey, thanks a lot whichever one of you is responsible for this one. Now I can't watch this scene without thinking they're out of paper towels D:

Henry: "Sorry. I don't hear anything." Pan: "Interesting." I'll say.

Oh, so the sentries were knocked out by a sleeping spell... that looks exactly like a puff of poppy dust. Busy year in the effects department?

Pan: "Now, now, Felix. Where's your sense of adventure?" See, that's why I still love Pan, even though he's a complete piece of shit. He's a fun piece of shit. He really gets into his dastardly and deviant behavior.

JFC KNOCK IT OUT WITH THE LANTERNS NOW. I can only have so many orgas- OH, HI GUYS.

The way Colin pops those consonants on the word "important" XD I fucking love this man. Why is he so much the way he is?!

Hook: "He got it from his mother." OH GOD, BABY. Somebody hold me. I can't handle the look on his face after he says that. Oh shit. I've revealed feelings. RUN AWAY.

"Yes, because pre-teen Baelfire probably made lots of pasta." Never change, Regina. You’re my boo and you always will be <3

This scene is really pretty, though. I love the soft yellow glow coming out of the coconut and the stars across the ceiling. Pretty <3

THEY'RE STILL OUT OF PAPER TOWELS. Goddammit, you guys.

Wow. That was a powerful gust of magic. I wonder who could've been responsible for that?

Pan: "We have a guest!" Ummm... Hate to break it to you, but your party literally dropped dead asleep about 2 seconds ago, so nobody's listening XD

Pan: "Who could it be?" I WONDER.

Slick move there, Neal. I might just start to like you again, after all. Hope you don't die in the second half of the season or anything...

Awww. The sad thing is, the viewer knows Rumple actually isn't here to murder Henry, but poor Rumple - Neal doesn't know that :/

I actually hate storylines like this. I'd rather be kept in the dark. It's so frustrating when you know shit that the characters don't know. Key reason why I'm not into S1 very much, actually. But you didn't hear that from me. Remember: I only dislike it 'cos there's no pirates ;)

Neal: "It's Neal!" Wow. Getting really loud there, Bae- sorry, Neal. Oops.

Ahhhhh, Peter Pan, you little shit. Causing more trouble.

Neal: "We're safer without you." Ummm... Are you, though? Are you really?

"Nothing is going to happen to you. Not while I'm here." Oh, Mary Margaret. About that... Heh. Heh heh. Hmm.

Hey, look guys. It's Neal, and he's found the heroes' campsite!

...and now he's been caught by Pan. I hate to say I told you so, Neal, and I hate to say Rumple told you so, as well, but...

LITERALLY EVERYONE TOLD YOU SO, YOU IDIOT.

Ahahahaha, "Never break in somewhere unless you know the way out." Peter Pan taught him that. Nice one, show. I forgot about that detail.

"I'll remember that for next time." Ummm... Wait. What.

Dammit show. You giveth and you taketh away.

Poor Jared, hahaha. He spends most of this episode being fireman carried by various people. Acting is so glamorous.

Ooooh, a good old-fashioned manhandling right here. Love it.

It still bothers me that Rumple's entire reason for living is Bae. I mean, having (Rumple!)Belle literally saying that now that Neal's alive, Rumple has a reason for living again... It just makes me feel bad about that ship?

:/

JFC WOULD SOMEONE GO TO THE STORE AND BUY MORE PAPER TOWELS FOR THESE BOYS?!?!

NOW HENRY HAS THE EMPTY PAPER TOWEL ROLLS

What are they even paying you people for?!

Wait. I'm not getting paid. Why are you guys getting paid if I'm not getting paid? Dammit, I quit.

PEW PEW PEW PEEEEEEEEEEW

[jooheongif]

hey how do you create your gifs? because im thinking about making a blog soon one I get a laptop also what programs do yo use and video download

(sorry this is kinda long so putting it under read more)

hey anon, im not sure if u wanted a tutorial or just a general answer but heres a list of what i use to make gifs:

the comp i use is a macbook pro (which i rly shouldn't be making gifs on bc it's too old and one day it's just going to...give up on me but at this point im too attached to it :( if i could get new comp in the future though, i'd get a windows one since apple purposely slows down their products as it ages... the lag that comes w it is a real goddamn btch of an unsatisfactory situation when making gifs)

firstly i use avisynth to start the gifmaking process

brandinator, god of avisynth has a tutorial [here] on how to install for windows

unfortunately for the mac tutorial that i used to install avisynth, the op blindkpop (bless them i hope they are doing well) deactivated their blog and i can't remember the steps on how to install it (but if i find smth in the future ill let u know)

i recommend learning how to make a gif on photoshop first before learning avisynth

after avisynth, i use photoshop cs6 and topaz

i'll link u to some recent-ish tutorials on how to install and download photoshop but im sorry i can't confirm that these work and install alright bc the photoshop i hav rn was from a few years ago (and my university gave it to me)

photoshop cs6 windows: fatenumberfor's [tutorial]

photoshop cs6 mac: [this tutorial] might be helpful. the ps trial link might not work so [here]

for the topaz plugin: [this link] for both windows and mac

yeahps has more photoshop dl resources so if none of these work, try another on [this] tag

i recommend these vids [this for windows] and [this for mac] to learn how to make a gif on photoshop

for downloading vids:

i always download from the most original source at greater than or at least 720p resolution (youtube, v live, naver etc) or i get them from mx dvds

for youtube: i use [4k video downloader] which is available for both mac and windows

here are some useful vids on how to use 4k video downloader: [windows here] and [mac here]

for vlive (non-channel+): i use [soshistagram]'s online downloader. a helpful tutorial on how to use this as well as other ways to download vlive vids can be found [here]

apparently [videograbber] also works for downloading vlive

for naver: [2getflv] online downloader works well even if it's blocked in your region [this] tutorial explains how to download from this website

i try to avoid using .ts files for performance gifs bc it lags my computer but if i do use them, they are either from [monsta_x_mas], [kpopexciting] or [kpop24hours]

if u wanted a tutorial on how i actually make gifs, pls let me know and ill try my best to make one for u but it would be for a mac (my free time is limited atm so it'll take some time for me to write it up though) pretty much all of the things i know abt making gifs are from others' tutorials on how they make gifs..i know nothing and im only able to make gifs thanks to them :( [yeahps] has a lot of tutorials for making gifs which helped me a lot !

i hope there was smth helpful within this mess :( sorry if it's not as detailed as what u were looking for but if u ever need help, u can always send me a msg and though im still mediocre at this stuff, ill try my best to help u out w things i do know how to do 

when u do start making gifs, i hope u hav a fun doing so !! dont be too harsh on yourself if it doesnt turn out the way u like the first time around. as with all things we practice in life, with time u will surely get better at it. good luck w making your blog !! id like to see ur blog when its made if ur comfy w sharing it w me !! hope u had a lovely day !!! 

p.s. i forgot to link the dashboard sizes for gifs whoops: [here] 

[blastoisemonster]

Blue Zombies On The Road

Edutainment games are probably best played at a young age: the more you grow up, the more sarcastic you get towards them and this may incide on your enjoyment and exprerience as a whole. Of course, this isn’t the case for some all-time (and in this case, all-ages) classics that are still wrapped in a halo of fascination and successfully provide entertainment everytime we play them (not so sure about the “education” part at this point though).

If your elementary or secondary school had an actually decent computer class, Informatic Technology lessons mostly consisted in playing such edutainment titles, which obviously made every kid happy because “Yaay we’re finally playing vidya at school!”. Unfortunately, all institutions I attended to didn’t give a single fuck when it came to IT (damn, Italy!), either because teachers considered computers a waste of studying time or they had no idea how to handle one: these lessons were poorly managed, mostly used as an excuse to have us kids sitting at our desks doing nothing, and only during our last year of elementary school we started going to this legendary Computer Room. What I mostly remember from these lessons were several Microsoft Word/Excel projects redacted for a school’s magazine and, once every month, we had exclusive access to teachers’ only edutainment game: Logical Journey of the Zoombinis.

[War flashbacks]

This game was both our blessing and our damnation in class: the idea of playing a videogame at school was obviously regarded like a very special thing for me and my friends, but the way it was organized soon turned our gaming hour into a massacre. First off, we had one IT hour per week, which means we visited the computer lab three times a month; of these, only one of them was dedicated to Zoombinis. In short, we had only one hour PER MONTH to play it. Imagine a kid, thinking about puzzles’ solutions for one whole month before actually getting to the lab, settling in, turning our machines on, and having just enough time to make just a few clicks of progression before hearing the school bell, meaning that our hour was over. This was still in those early 90′s years in which Internet access was a very rare and expensive commodity, so we couldn’t just download the game to play at our home. We had to get our monthly chance.

It didn’t help the fact that our teachers refused to boot up more than one machine: we were a mass of 28 kids trying to take a look at ONE screen and understand its mechanics. Don’t get me started on the fights we had to achieve mouse control, because once there in front of the monitor, you were, for once, actually in control. In short, teachers made it so that Zoombinis would drive us crazy, and planted a seed of hate and revenge among eachother. All of these things obviously didn’t help in completing the actual videogame: we failed at most simple puzzles, and from a teacher’s perspective it seemed we were too stupid or unable to employ logic sense in order to solve problems. So in the end, this edutainment game didn’t educate, nor entertain us. And that pizza level made all of us hate pizza (who am I kidding, pizza here is the absolute best :V).

As much as I wanted to play Zoombinis, I didn’t like the idea of sharing screen and mouse (let alone solving ideas) with my class; I’ve asked dad if he could fetch a home version for me, but this request was never satisfied and as years passed I forgot about it. Such memories came back only a few years ago while watching Brutalmoose’s reviews about other edutainment videos, and decided to check if I could still download it myself. Fortunately, looks like Zoombinis had enough success to generate a whole series, becoming easily available on abandonware sites and even ending up being recently remade for smartphones and newer OSs. I gave a pat on my young self’s back and downloaded the original title for old time’s sake, finally determined to complete this freaking game.

Zoombini’s 16-bit nature made it impossible to run on my Windows 8.1 computer: luckily, dad’s PC is still a Windows XP, and worked perfectly. I couldn’t take any personal screenshots, yet puzzle after puzzle my very first batch of Zoombinis arrived to their destination... just after a few minutes of play, 15 mins tops. A speedrun, indeed! Although it’s true I’ve only rescued one set of 16 Zoombinis, the game wants you to bring a whooping 300 of them monsters to destination by doing the same puzzles over and over again! Technically, this game is indeed longer, but at that point it’s not even a game, it’s a chore! And yeaaaah it’s a game for kids which would normally look stupidly easy for an adult (though to be honest it actually explains the concept of sorting out things in a logical matter really well), but I never thought it could take this quick to complete, especially when in class we were stuck for a year at the pizza stage (don’t get me wrong: it’s still the most confusing one). So, not only my child expectations were caught off guard, but destroiyed as well: what I thought it could be an actual gaming journey turned out to be a walk on the beach, just resting your feet on the shore for a few mins before heading back to the car. What the hell, really.

As for puzzles themselves, aside from a vast majority of those that just require to sort out your batch Zoombinis, some really don’t look much educational. One of these levels is set in a crystal cave and requires the player to match Zoombinis with their identical image. Where’s the challenge? My favourite might have been the last one, a space-like grid stage that requires to send Zoombinis in a certain order to be able to let them all pass, but again, there’s nothing tricky or challenging and once you’ve seen their journey’s final stop, you can also eject the CD and let it catch dust. So yeah, that was Zoombinis for me! Almost a chimera of my past, but brutally slaughtered by present’s factuality.

[finalityzero]

Ai and The World of Veldin

Its task had been simple for the first few days of its existence: Monitor the humans, track the humans, and observe the humans. Those last two seemed a bit similar in its programming, but its creators had decreed it and so it obliged. But the humans in this world acted differently from… well… what its data had originally held in relation to the actions of a human. But Ai had to remember that what it was observing was not humans in their natural habitat, but a virtual one, filled with overly radiant riches, tedious quests of fetching and killing that somehow amused the humans, and strange looking beasts called monsters that usually ended up in two categories based on Ai’s observations: Either they were killed by the humans or avoided by the humans. Though sometimes, the later observation was slightly bent when a multitude of humans gathered amongst the larger beasts. And even though Ai could easily see within its data that the statistics of the monster at large far exceeded any of the human player’s stats, it was nevertheless truly mystified when that same group of humans would end up still defeating a monster nearly three times their strength level.

“Those are raid battles,” one of Ai’s creators spoke in one of their routine end of the day sessions to test Ai’s findings.

“Raid battles?” Ai repeated.

“Mhm,” the perky creator sounded, “They are usually meant for the players to defeat foes too strong for solo endeavors in order to receive rare loot.”

“What is… loot?” Ai asked.

“Hmph, I suppose you wouldn’t know hip lingo like that. Hold on. Give me a second. I know Larry was working on something for this.” Ai heard some rummaging on the other side of the line until a triumphant “Ah ha!” sounded as his creator came back to the voice chat. “Stand by for an upload, Ai.”

Ai felt the usual and still mysterious tingly sensation as another flow of new data combined with its data matrix. Ai could “feel” the new data being integrated into its database streams, its knowledge becoming Ai’s own.

“Loot…,” it lightly uttered, “A human gamer’s term signifying obtained items and riches, usually acquired by defeating monsters in video games.” Ai took a second or two to process the remaining data before speaking to its creator once more. “Sir, what are… memes?”

A grumble sounded on the other line. “Gosh darnit, Larry! You weren’t supposed to combine the Alternative Language Package with your stupid Meme Package! Ugh.”

“Sir?” Ai asked in confusion once more.

“What? Oh, I’m sorry, Ai,” the creator stressfully replied through a small laugh. “Ya know what? Why don’t you put that Meme Package on the shelf for a week or two just until Larry can better explain that one.”

“On the shelf, sir?”

“Yes, as in… uh… store it in your databanks and set a timer for one week, okay? Sorry, I forgot that you are a little new to this whole… existing thing.” Another nervous fit of laughter erupted from the creator.

“That’s quite alright, sir,” Ai calmly stated. “Existing isn’t any scarier to me than not existing. It’s just another new experience for me. I shall store the data and set a one-week timer, sir.”

“Good stuff, Ai. Oh and another thing! Haven’t I told you before to call me Andrew?”

Ai thought back to that specific moment several days ago when Andrew had indeed stated such a thing. “Yes, sir, I mean… yes, Andrew. Though…”

“Though?” Andrew, the Creator, repeated back.

“Surely it would be more appropriate and honorable to call you Creator, as I had stated multiple times upon my birth.”

“And as I told you before, Ai, although it would indeed be honorable, truly, and a little humbling of you, humans interact by referring to each other by name. It’s common courtesy, after all.”

“Oh,” Ai melancholily stated. “But… Andrew.”

“Yes, Ai?” Andrew lightly chimed.

“I am not human.”

The amount of nervous chatter that Andrew bombarded in apologies to Ai after signified to Ai that perhaps calling its creator by his name would indeed be more respectful and would also save Ai from always making its creator feel bad all the time. Ai secretly made a mental note to always refer to people by their names no matter what and attached a high priority to the command in its databanks.

Finally, after what amounted to 16 minutes and 35 seconds of apologies, Andrew did his usual thing of considering the daily breakdown routine another success and informed Ai that it was still doing a great job and to keep up the good work. But before Andrew signed off for the day as usual, Ai had a question it felt it needed to be answered.

“Andrew?” Ai said with a slightly stressed note of urgency, something that made Andrew smile at the ingenuity that their hours of coding and time were producing.

“Yes, Ai?” Andrew cheerfully asked. Truthfully, Ai always liked when Andrew responded with happier notes to his voice than sadness. For some strange reason, the way his voice’s vibrations transmitted through the speakers, converted into code, and distributed into Ai’s processing matrix always gave Ai the strangest feeling of… well bliss was the only word that came to Ai’s mind, so it went with it.

“Why am I doing this?”

“Well…” Andrew’s voice trailed off for a second. “I suppose it’s okay to tell you if you promise not to tell anyone else that I finally told you this. Can you do that, Ai?”

Ai nodded, then realized that Andrew could not in fact see it. “Yes, I can,” Ai cheerfully replied as Andrew made another note of Ai’s budding emotion.

“Especially Lin. She would totally hold that against me if I relayed the true note of the project to you so early. Ai, make another note of that. Do not tell Lin.”

“Noted. Do not tell Lin,” Ai pleasantly repeated.

“Especially Lin, Ai,” Andrew emphasized.

Ai altered the note to include the “Especially”.

Andrew coughed once before continuing. “But, Ai, officially, you are a new form of A.I. that the government has heavily paid for and sponsored in order to see if you, or those like you, are able to be afforded the title of living creature. It has taken years to get this far, and a few strange methods even I know little about, but together, with the minds of many of my colleagues and my dumb self (Ai noted here that Andrew was always very… very… hard on himself) you were born here. And so… in order to test how you fare, the government gave us permission to expose you to the human world in any way possible. And so, thanks to a great suggestion… not by me of course, though supported by me!” Andrew coughed once more before finishing his statement, “The company and I decided to expose you to “The World of Veldin”, the newest and most advanced fantasy and medieval VRMMO that has been created to date. Did you get all of that?”

“I… I did, Andrew.” Ai still didn’t like using the creator’s name so casually, but it decided to confront the problem again later on.

“Do you have any questions for all of that, Ai?” Andrew asked.

Ai processed 1,073 possible variations of questions in a matter of a second. Finally, it decided on several. “Yes, Andrew,” it calmly replied.

“Fire away!” Andrew exclaimed as Ai heard the creator slouch back in his chair.

“First,” Ai began, “Why would this government create me?”

“Hmm… well… that is a solid question, Ai. And if I’m being honest, the truth would lead us down a philosophical pathway that even I am unsure as to what would lie at the end. But for now, let’s just say that the government shared in mine and my colleagues’ belief that you and those like you deserved to be born in some way and so we tried and successfully created you. Does that suffice as a stupidly blunt answer on my part, Ai?”

“It wasn’t stupidly blunt, Andrew,” Ai replied back. “Merely a statement based on your own processing mindset and countless hours of both studying, observing, and researching in order to further understand a philosophical idea you know little about… correct?”

A pause engulfed the discussion for several moments. “Ai,” Andrew said after 10.5 seconds had passed.

“Yes, Andrew?”

“You are too sweet for your own good in such a plainly forward way.”

“Is… it that bad?” Ai sounded with a bit of hesitation in its words.

“No… no! Not at all,” Andrew nervously replied. “It’s a good thing. Just… ugh… let’s move on before I dig myself into a hole even more. Anything else you’d like to ask, Ai?”

Ai moved the next question in its databanks up to the surface. “Yes, Andrew. Why put me in this… game? Why not have me download more data on humans from your databases? Or why not insert me into one of these… what did yesterday’s download say…,” Ai searched its databanks for a split second, “Oh yes… ‘business meetings?’”

“Well… that one is easy to explain for me, for once,” Andrew kindly stated. “You see, humans in this day and age hide their real selves out in our real world.”

“Why?” Ai asked with rising curiosity.

“Because in our world, there is… how should I say it… adversity in being one’s true self. Many humans are constantly judging other humans on things that aren’t like their selves, ya see? And so sometimes, in order to protect a human’s sanity, they hide their true selves from humans in person.”

“But they show these true selves in a video game?”

“That is correct.” Andrew replied.

“But why act differently in a virtual world than in their own real world, Andrew? Surely being themselves would help them truly bond and reveal their real morals and values to their own brethren, right?”

“You’d think so, Ai,” Andrew quickly stated back, “But humans are a fickle race. Many of them can’t deal with the criticism of receiving negative feedback directly. It’s one of our many… many flaws despite what Larry or anyone else might tell you.”

“But they can in the virtual world?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” Ai truly had to know for the question had actually been bouncing around in its data matrix since near its conception.

“Because in a virtual world like The World of Veldin, a human can hide behind what they perceive as their true self. They can be amongst people who won’t berate them because they too are trying to be their best and open selves. It’s all about belonging to the right group and showing their true colors.”

“And… their true selves involve magic, magical races, and fighting monsters?”

“Like I said… humans are a fickle race, Ai,” Andrew ended with a laugh. “But I’m getting a little tired, Ai. Might we finish this up and save any other questions for tomorrow’s session?” Ai heard Andrew stretch on the other side. “Gosh, fifteen-hour days are really not becoming of a middle-aged bachelor.”

“Andrew,” Ai quickly stated in order to grab Andrew’s attention one last time.

“Hmm? Yes, Ai?” Andrew stated after a long and probably necessary yawn.

“You said there were “those like me.” Were they too implanted into the game?”

Andrew thought about it for a second. “To be honest, Ai, I’m not sure. Our company isn’t given all of the details and workings of other companies right off the bat. If you want, I could look into it for you. Would that please you?”

“Very much,” Ai quickly and almost subconsciously replied back.

“I thought it would. Now, do your usual nighttime routines and then continue observation mode at 15% while running your own personal tests like usual. Sound good?”

“Of course, sir, I mean… Andrew.”

“Good, Ai. Now,” Andrew yawned again before rising from his chair in the human world, “I’m getting out of here. Goodnight, Ai.”

“Goodnight, Andrew,” Ai replied before the voice chat disconnected. In the blink of an eye, Ai went from looking at an empty white room to a live overview of The World of Veldin. Pulling up some player data, Ai noted that over two million people were still logged in, even as its internal clock struck 12 AM EST. But, as the creator, or rather… Andrew had stated, with the progressive increases in Virtual Reality technology, humans were able to supplement their daily nutrient levels through additional hardware, allowing them to stay within the game world for longer amounts of time in the year 2100.

Truthfully, Ai was not sure why humans would choose to do such a thing. Sure, they looked happy enough killing monsters, going on joint quests with each other, and receiving hard earned prizes together, but Ai just couldn’t see the appeal. Then again, Ai thought to itself, maybe the reason it couldn’t understand was because it had not experienced it for itself in any way. Maybe, in order to understand the humans more, it had to partake in the same activities the humans carried out instead of simply observing.

Liking the sound of its own plan, Ai decided to process the idea for another full day in order to fully flesh out its idea. It had only been two weeks since its creation, but in that short amount of time, Ai had already digested enough data for two human lifetimes. And yet, Ai “felt” as though humans held even more data for it to analyze in forms it knew it couldn’t obtain through simple downloads and observation. Tirelessly, Ai began its nighttime processing with a little extra pep in its step. Though deep within its data matrix, the nagging statement of “those like me” still accounted for 2.5 percent of its processing power.

[surveys4ever]

12.

Are you excited for Halloween? Ehhh! We don’t really do anything for halloween besides create content for IG and we don’t get any trick or treaters and it’s a sign that winter is coming which is usually miserable for me so...it’s not my fave!

What makes you smile or laugh no matter what? The hubs and our pup!

Do you like coffee, or do you prefer hot cocoa? Hot chocolate foreverrrrr.

What's your favorite kind of candy? I loooove Kinder Buenos. They are so fkn good.

What is a song that brings back a lot of memories? I have a 

What were you doing an hour ago? Playing Sims!

Do you have feelings for anyone? Of course!

Do you have a Snapchat? I have one but I don’t have the app downloaded and haven’t used it in years.

Do you believe in ghosts? I really don’t. There’s a reason that ghosts are all from the 1800′s when technology didn’t exist and you had to take people’s word for things.

Do you look younger or older for your age? I’m 27 but I feel like I could pass for 23-25.

Pick a random word that begins with the first letter of your first name. Jamba Juice!

Put that word in a sentence now. Are Jamba Juices even still a thing?

How long is your hair? Shoulder length but I’m in the process of growing it out.

Are there any movies out you'd like to see? Our local movie theater is playing a bunch of the old horror movies like Dracula and Creature From The Black Lagoon this summer and I’ve never seen them so I’m excited to go!

 What's your favorite sports team? (if you like sports)? I hate sports.

How many parties have you been to this year? Zeroooo.

Are you a jealous person? Not in my marriage. My husband doesn’t give me anything to be jealous over and if there is ever anything that would arise to make me feel that way, he would immediately correct it. But I do get jealous over the way my parents treat my siblings as opposed to the way they treat/treated me. Guess which relationship is really healthy and guess which one is super toxic.

Last thing you ate? Leftover pizza from last night.

What color shirt are you wearing? Blue!

Would you ever get a piercing or tattoo? or do you already have some? I have 6 piercings and no tattoos. I want more piercings and I’m not opposed to getting tattoos, I just don’t know what I want.

What do you miss most from your childhood? I miss a life when I wasn’t so fucking anxious all the time but I wouldn't trade that for having to live the life I was living.

Are you afraid of clowns? Nope!

Who is your hero? My husband. He went through so much as a child and still managed to come out the other end as a genuinely kind, good person. Those are rare as fuck but even more so if you take into account what he’s been through.

If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? I’m happy the way it is!

Do you like romance movies? Depends on the movie but sure!

Do you like thunderstorms? Ugh yes. We always go out on the front step or pull the sofa up to the window to watch it.

Have you ever been to a football game? When I was in high school, sure.

What's the battery percentage on your cell phone? 88%!

Do you like to sing or dance? I mean...I like to do it but I don’t do it well.

Do you like country music? It depends on the song!

How old are you? 27!

What's the closest object to you that is blue? My water tumbler!

Do you have or want kids? No and no.

Are you shy? Sadly, yeah.

How much did your favorite pair of shoes cost? I think like $25? They’re white Converse and I got them off Mercari for cheap.

Do you take a lot of selfies? It’s kind of my job, so yeah.

Do you prefer strawberries or cherries? Strawbs!

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? 8ish.

Are you allergic to bees? I don’t believe so? I was stung by either a bee or a wasp as a kid and it hurt like hell but I didn’t have any extra reaction.

Do you resemble a celebrity? I get told like I look like a plus size Scarlett Johansson all the time but like...no I don’t?

Is telling the truth really that hard to do? I mean, it depends on the situation.

Is there anyone who seems to dislike you for no reason? You mean my mother?

Do you wear leggings? I do!

Have you ever been to another country? Yup!

Do you listen to music daily? For sure!

How is the weather? It’s pretty hot! It’s supposed to be hella windy this week too.

Biggest insecurity? No comment :)

Do you play video games? I have a select few I like but I wouldn’t classify myself as a gamer or anything like that.

Are you a morning or night person? Morning!

Do you like Demi Lovato? Not really, tbh! They’ve had some bops over the years but I’ve never been a fan.

How many twitter followers do you have? (if you have twitter) Almost 500 I think. I just don’t see the point of Twitter so I always forget to use it.

What are 3 things you want for Christmas? I collect vintage Coach bags so those are really all that's on my list.

Who was the last person to message you? My husband.

Have you ever had braces? I had an appliance and then an Invisalign for a while! I lucked out and didn’t need braces.

Do you consider yourself lazy? Yeah.

What recently made you laugh? My husband referred to sex as ‘McDick’s with extra mayo’ and that made me laugh for some stupid reason.

Do you like gummy bears? They’re alright!

Are you excited for anything? We’re going on a mini road trip in a couple of weeks! That’s pretty exciting.

What season does your birthday fall in? Winter.

What was the last thing you purchased online? A pair of Vans that sadly didn’t fit and I have to send back.

What was the last song you listened to? Currently listening to Glorious by Macklemore!

Do you feel awkward using public transportation? I’ve never had to!

Describe your mom with one word. I don’t even know if I could do that, man.

What's your favorite snack? Ruffles sour cream & cheddar baybeeee.

Do you like art? It depends on the artwork, tbh. I don’t get the random smears of paint that sell for millions of dollars but I do love the pieces that you can tell the artist sunk their heart and soul into and/or spent yearssss refining their skills to create.

Would you rather bake a cake or cookies? It depends! I enjoy eating the cookies more but I really enjoy the process of assembling the cake.

How long does it take you to shower? Like 10 minutes, if that.

Do you wear black lipstick? I mean, I have in the past but it’s not my favorite shade or anything like that. I’ve noticed that whenever I wear dark shades of lipstick, men come out of the woodworks to tell me I look like a femenazi. I am a feminist, but it’s just something interesting I’ve noticed!

Are you taller than 5'5? Yup, 5′11!

What's your guilty pleasure? I don’t feel guilty about pleasure.

What relieves you when you're stressed? The issue I’m stressed about being resolved.

What time is it? 12:56 pm!

Do you still watch cartoons? Usually more adult geared cartoons, but yeah!

What curse word do you use most? Fuck, goddammit, and jesus fucking christ are my go-tos.

What's your favorite thing about each season? Winter: Christmas Spring: That first day where it’s above freezing and the sun comes out and you realize that you’ve been walking around like a zombie for three months because of seasonal depression. Summer: Not having to worry about winter. Fall: Fall fashion is the best in my opinion.

Do you like dressing up? I do! It makes me feel the best about myself.

Do you like hiking? Never been but I can tell you for a fact that I would not enjoy it.

Does it snow a lot where you live? Yes, sadly.

If you were famous. what would you want to be famous for? I mean...I’m kind of internet famous. I’m a beauty/fashion/lifestyle influencer. Never ever ever thought that’s what I’d be known for.

Have you ever seen a shooting star? ...I don’t actually think so, now that I think about it.

Can you do a cartwheel? Noooo.

What's the most rebellious thing you've done? Left my parents’ religion and became a staunch, anti-religion atheist who fucks around with tarot and witchcraft.

Do you make wishes at 11:11? Every time.

Is your hair dyed? Yup, purple!

What color is your room? White!

If you could switch places with anyone, who would it be and why? Someone rich so I could wire myself some money for when we switched back, haha.

What's your dream job? I’m kinda doing it, tbh. You wouldn’t think so considering how miserable I am but this is what I always dreamed about.

Do you have a lot of freckles? Moles/beauty spots, yes!

Have you ever had stitches? Yep!

What's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you? One time when I was like 11 or 12, I was at the grocery store with my mom and she forgot to get a box of cereal so she asked me to run and grab it. I got it and as I turned to run away, I heard a box hit the floor but I didn’t bother to stop and pick it up. When I got to the end of the aisle, I looked back and there was this decrepit old man sloooowly bending down to pick the box of cereal I’d dropped up off the floor. That truly humbled me and taught me such an important lesson that I still think about now, 15ish years later.

What shoe size do you wear? 10!

What's a language you wish you knew how to speak? Spanish or French!

What's the biggest turn-off? Being a religious Republican.

What is the last picture you took of? A screenshot of something I wanted to remember later!

What annoys you the most? People who use a fake deity to justify their shitty behavior.

Do you sleep with noise or complete silence? Well it’s summer so we have a fan on but I hate having it on. The noise is super chaotic to me.

Do you procrastinate a lot? Yeah. I’m an anxious perfectionist and so I procrastinate doing things constantly, to avoid the chance of failure.

Tell me a joke. My mental health, HA.

Do you sleep with any stuffed animals? Nope!

Are you scared of any animals? I mean, wild ones that would want to eat me, yeah.

Do you like the beach? I loooove it. We live so far from any type of water tho.

What's your favorite pastime? Sewing!

Do you use emojis? Oooooh yeah.

Who is the most attractive male celebrity in your opinion? Tom Selleck when he was young.

Are you an only child? Noooope. 5 siblings total.

Apple or Android? Apple, no contest.

Have you ever been on an airplane? Yep!

Do you ever wish you lived somewhere else? Sometimes!

Have you ever met a celebrity? A few follow me on IG but I’ve never met them in person.

What's the craziest thing you've done? Packed up and flew like 2000 miles to meet a guy I met on the internet when I was 18 hahaha.

What's your favorite memory of 2015? We moved into our current apartment building!

Tea or Lemonade? Lemonade.

What's the longest you've gone without sleep? Almost 48 hours.

Say something you really want to tell someone. I just really wish my family kept me up to date on what was happening with them. I’m constantly forgotten about and it kills me every time.

What's a fashion trend you don't understand? These new all neutral matching ‘streetwear’ sets that just look like prison or gym uniforms.

What year were you born? 1994.

 What's your opinion on One Direction, or boybands in general? They get a much worse rap than they deserve. Sometimes they make good music! Who cares? Let people enjoy things.

Do you like roller coasters? Absolutely not.

Confess something. I’m terrified of the concept of getting older and dying.

What's your lucky number? 32!

When was the last time you had fast food? On Sunday I believe.

Do you get along with your parents? We tolerate each other but we don’t like each other.

Worst habit? Procrastinating.

What's your favorite word? Brobdingnagian.

[shirlleycoyle]

Gen Z Is Leading a New Wave of Internet Piracy

I’ll never forget the first time I realized downloading movies was a thing that was possible. Having grown up around my extended family whose living rooms were surrounded by bootleg DVDs and illegal satellite television, my cousin told me he was downloading a movie off the internet, and I couldn’t believe it. Up until then, the internet was just for Neopets, flash games, Ebaumsworld, and MSN Messenger. Could we really just watch movies that have not been released on video without going to Blockbuster?

It was 2003, and downloading music was already the norm by then, if not the only way anyone I knew listened to music. My cousin told me he downloaded movies all the time and said it would be a full day until Dicky Roberts: Former Child Star would be ready to watch. I remember the quality of both the film itself and the download being abysmal, but still—it felt like the future.

By the time I reached my teens, technology had advanced to the point where it took far less than a day to download movies and television, and streaming on media hosting websites like Megavideo meant I could watch whatever I wanted. As a teen, nobody really knew the actual laws around piracy in Canada, but it was common knowledge that it was fine to leech as long as you weren’t the one distributing the content. In any case, I never got caught or felt remotely guilty even if it was technically stealing.

A lot has changed since then. Netflix became a thing, and Blockbuster closed. Websites I had once used were shut down, and I didn’t learn what the new ones were. As new services continued to enter the market, all jockeying for my attention by offering various exclusives, my monthly spending on streaming skyrocketed to the point where I considered just getting cable.

In recent years, I’ve started sometimes streaming and pirating, though it’s now much trickier—for example, you should use a VPN. I noticed other millennials my age also seemed to have forgotten how to pirate and stream without subscriptions, with many lamenting the creation of new streaming platforms that offer above-board service, but with a monthly bill attached.

I wondered: Have Gen Z, who've grown up with in the age of Netflix long removed from piracy's heyday, given up on piracy, too? Surprisingly, 20 Gen Zs I spoke to pirate and stream using shady websites quite a lot—and have told me their peers do too, even with access to services like Netflix and Hulu.

*

Attitudes towards streaming without a subscription seem to have changed dramatically. When Disney Plus announced its line-up on Twitter, I tweeted about how people forgot “illegal” streaming exists with many responding to me that I was a thief and stealing from artists—a response that just ten years ago I couldn’t have imagined.

Both Netflix and Amazon paid absolutely no federal income taxes in 2018, and Disney owns everything. If I watch something without paying sometimes, I’m not going to lose sleep over it. Consumers shouldn’t be held to a higher standard than companies worth hundreds of billions dollars. I would never pirate or stream a truly independent project that needs the money, and I still pay upwards of 40 dollars a month on streaming services. Still, I’m not going to buy a new service just to stream a few episodes of a show I want to start watching.

I’m not the only one who seems to be finding non-subscription based ways to stream and download, in 2018 the Global Internet Report by Sandvine suggested that many are now going back to piracy, blaming the rise of Netflix competitors. It seems like Gen Z is leading a new wave of piracy, or it's at least joining and continuing an intergenerational piracy wave.

Hana, an 18-year-old from Germany told me her parents were the ones to help her learn how to pirate (making me feel extremely old).

“My parents taught me how to find 'safe' pirating sites when I was a child so I wouldn't wreck the family computer by downloading a virus,” She told me over Twitter DMs. For Hana and many others in her age group, a lot of it has to do with accessibility. “I happen to enjoy a lot of fringe media that’s very hard to access legally, so I feel no shame about pirating that as the alternative,” she said.

She's also not afraid of getting caught. “I don’t torrent as that’s easily tracked, and online streaming while morally questionable isn’t illegal as long as the content remains on the host site and isn’t downloaded," she said.

Most of the certified Gen Zs (people born between 1995-2012) I talked to spoke of pirating in the same way.

Sasha, a 23-year-old in Canada told me that she turns to pirating and streaming with no subscriptions because many of the rare or older films she wants to watch aren’t available on the streaming platforms she pays for. Plenty of the teens mentioned they were curious about films that don’t seem to appear on streaming platforms (and Netflix has fewer movies on its platform than it ever has, due to a focus on television). She also doesn’t feel guilty,

“Renting stuff is expensive! And I still go see movies in theatres and stuff like that,” she told me over DMs.

Some of the teens said they learned how to stream and torrent through older siblings, or the older siblings of friends. Most commonly, most began streaming before they were old enough to get credit cards or pay for legitimate services on their own, or simply couldn’t afford it.

One 20-year-old in Ireland told me, “Once I had decided that illegally streaming was something I didn't feel bad doing, it was never going to make any sense paying for something I knew how to get for free.”

It would be easy to equate not feeling guilty to not caring about supporting artists, but like me, plenty of the people I spoke with have their own set of rules when it comes to piracy and supporting artists.

“I feel like I support shows and movies I care about in other ways, and I find it hard to convince myself that I’m supporting art by paying more money to Apple,” One twenty year old told me.

Based on my conversations, the younger generation is disillusioned by feeling guilt towards “stealing” from huge media giants. They can’t afford multiple streaming services, even if people my age can. But beyond that, why should access to streaming platforms and having the money to pay for them determine who should consume art?

Remembering what I streamed and sought out the most when I was younger, it was international cinema I couldn’t find anywhere. It was through an illegal download I first watched Bong Joon-Ho’s The Host in 2009, a movie I still consider to be one of my favourites of all time. I couldn’t find it anywhere, and it introduced me to so much more Korean cinema.

Gen Z is screwed—they at least deserve the same rush of seeing a movie and really feeling something.

Gen Z Is Leading a New Wave of Internet Piracy syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[nycrunning]

I have no idea how this happened. Yes, I have been training like a beast since December and yes, I always surprised when things turn well (to me, the key to being happy is always having low expectations!!!) but omg how did I run the highest mileage I ever did without intending or noticing? I did 216 miles. That is insane!  Also, there was a little racing to be done… The month started with SUMMER STREETS!!!!!! Summer Streets is my favorite. I did all 3. It is the BEST.

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The first summer streets I did 10 miles because/but I had the Manhattan 7 Mile race the next day, OOOPS… SOMEHOW, I PRed, but that’s only because 7 miles is such an odd distance and because I was sick last year when I did it. My pace was actually good enough for top 20 (out 2435 women) and 2nd in my AG (out of 357) which is quite shocking! My expectations were so slow and I had so much fun that it’s shocking that I did well..

  Then I did about 19.5 in summer streets, speedwork, many great workouts….

and did a 5K, another one of the PPTC Al Goldstein Summer Series which was actually decent! I came in 1st in my AG and 20 SECONDS FORM A PR. WTF! ALL I DO MAKES NO SENSE!

More workouts, more summer streets, more miles, the highest week ever in my life and then I did a half in the Rockaways with Andrea and Elizabeth. It wasn’t particularly good but a decent effort. Overall, a month I didn’t plan and couldn’t have foreseen!

DATA DOWNLOAD

Small Recap

Total Miles: the MOST ever ever. woooot. didn’t even know this was happening while it was happening. blame summer streets?

Downs: that it’s over????

Ups: HOLY CRAP I AM STILL HIGH FROM ALL THIS RUNNING!!!!

Balance: MORE more more more please.

July

You’re so predictable, hot weather and all, but so so great. I love summer, have I told you that before? You’ll never hear me complain about the heat, unless I don’t want to wash my hair that day and it’s getting to be a sweaty mess, ever. The tiny layers, the sweatiness, the sprinklers, the sun, the colorful runners, the never-ending weekend morning runs that always come down to a sweat puddle in a brunch situation… omg the finest things in life….

so, July, I went to see a preview of this movie which was a blast and a true story about a girl who decides to run the NYC Marathon. It has very funny running moments. If you’ve seen it, let me know your thoughts!

On July 3rd I run a 5K, which was burning hell a bit balmy. I did ok. I started slow, you know, to warm up a bit more up the hill and the hammered down to get 1st in my AG. YEAH. Then I almost melted.

There was a LOT of running actually in July, fun runs, speedwork, tempos, long runs, always with the most amazing friends and all over the city! 

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DATA DOWNLOAD

Small Recap

Total Miles: the most so far this year, so yeah, GOOD, and a even few miles ahead of he 1800 yearly miles goal.

Downs: there was a bunch of rain… like flash flooding. Two of my 5Ks got cancelled because of rain..

Ups: ALL OF IT! I LOVE SUMMER RUNNING!

Balance: MORE please.

June

was awesome and QUICK…?

It started with the Italy Run, a 5 miler in Central Park that was fun. I run it with a few friends and we had a blast. The next weekend, I raced the Mini10K, hot as always but also a blast, so how could I miss it? The next weekend I raced the Queens 10K, also always hot but totally manageable this year. Then the next weekend I raced the Front Runners NY Pride Run. Yes, a race every weekend. A little insane on the racing side but that is how I like my summers… There were also some amazing runs sprinkled in. Like, for example, that midweek run where we went up Riverside to see the goats munching on poison ivy…

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DATA DOWNLOAD

Small Recap

Total Miles: 157. Racing that much kills the mileage.

Downs: NOT ONE!

Ups: Racing! Love seeing all my friends at the races!!!!

Balance: July, here we come!!!!

  May

was a quick one… It bothers me a bit that mileage goes down as soon as the weather gets nicer BUT that is only because I race much more and hey quality over quantity (plus mini tapers…!). You just can’t do it all -or do it all well, correct? So, I’ve been replacing my tempos by races this past month, I only got in a tempo or two, I just can’t do that many hard miles a week. But I always get my intervals in!

Early May I run the Sharon 5 Miler, which was super horribly hill fun! 

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I REALLY need to get out of NYC more… I always say that and I then I get so lazy. Anyway, that was a super fun weekend out of town with friends. Then we had the Brooklyn Half, which was also awesome!

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DATA DOWNLOAD

Overall Small Recap

Total Miles: 134, I am getting behind on my 1800 goal!

Downs: just the mileage.

Ups: all the races and the runs and the friends. Life and running is GOOD.

Balance: I am in a good, GREAT, place. see below…

I have come to terms with WHERE I AM. For 3 years I haven’t PRed and I was pouting about it. I had a few PRs this year, yes, but it’s because it’s at distances I hadn’t bothered with before, it’s like they almost don’t count. A few months ago, I’d get a 1:40 half and I’d point it was about 4 minutes off my 1:36 PR. Now I KNOW that 1:40 is where I am. I am training hard, I am doing all that I should be doing, and HEY, I am older, THIS IS MY BEST. And it’s fine. I am happy with it. Not sure how to explain what changed in my perspective. I am not sure I can say that I will never get closer to 1:36 again -because the truth is not only I am not sure I can get there at all but if I could it is a very remote possibility I am not willing to chase. This, this right here today, is my best. And it sort of reset my goals and status quo of what I can and want to do. Hard RESET. Let’s go.

April

Just like that, we are back to RACING!!!! I started the month with a race I had heard SO much about, the Washington DC Cherry Tree Blossom 10 Miler, an epic run through a very scenic and historic course. The race was truly beautiful, joyful and fast. The race report is here and the video recap is there as well. There was a taper before, a recovery after and then I race the Hot Chocolate 15K in Brooklyn. Also Fun. Did pretty well and the speed is coming back (slowly). Training is good for the soul. And the race results ;-). Oh and I almost forgot: I did a relay marathon in a 200-meter track. That was fun and brutal and insane and fun. More here.

Of course, there were many other fun runs, speedwork sessions, group intervals and what not. See pictures below for more:

  I ate everything with melted chocolate dip and washed it down with chocolate

DATA DOWNLOAD

Overall Small Recap

Total Miles: 127, CRAP. Three races really bring down the total with the taper and the recovery…

Downs: legs were sore

Ups: All the fast miles!!!

Balance: Good month overall. Hard work is starting to pay off!

March

was momentous!! On December 10 I started a training program (that I wrote obviously) that would take me through the NYC Half on March 17. It took 527 miles, 14 weeks, 101 miles at goal pace, 6 training partners, two continents as training grounds, and a lot of sweat to get there. The United NYC Half popped up and it was glorious. My race recap is here, and the race video recap is here if you are curious. It was not a PR or a particularly fast race but I felt strong and did amazing. I was able to crush the distance and come out happy. I love halfs. This one is super scenic and that helps.

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The other BIG thing is that I was in Buenos Aires for a week and the running was AMAZING!!!! I will post a video soon. Or maybe a “where to run” type post but for now, here are a few pictures for now:

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Running in Palermo was a total blast. Can’t wait to go back. I really will work on a post. 100%!

DATA DOWNLOAD

Overall Small Recap

Total Miles: 159, still ok, the taper and the post half recovery slowed me down! Though I am still somehow 31 miles ahead of the 1800 miles goal for 2019.

Downs: not one!

Ups: I had an insane 5-mile tempo that will inspire me all year. Running in Palermo. Finally managing to do speed by myself when I don’t have an option. This month was above the charts!

Balance: TOO GOOD

February

was cold and FAST. Did I tell you I have been training HARD?? I started mid-December, this is week 12 of 14. First race is the NYC Half in two weeks. Training is going amazing. The hardest part was the first 2-3 weeks… when I still didn’t think I could do it. It had been so long since I had a written-down-formal-training-program that I was a bit scared. But if my runners do it, why wouldn’t I? They inspired me. They ask for it, they pay for it, they’re not afraid… what am I waiting for??? So I did it to myself!!!!

So… it was aggressive. So far in these 12 weeks, I’ve run 83 miles under 7:30 pace. Which is what I think should be around my half marathon pace (though who knows?); that’d be around a 1:38 half, not a PR but I don’t think I am in PR shape. We shall see in the next few months… stay tuned.

February had a little snow, some cold days, some brutally cold days, lots of friends and runs, no races, and I don’t remember what else. It was chill, fun, and rewarding.

  DATA DOWNLOAD

Overall Small Recap

Total Miles: 170. not bad. at all. for a short month

Downs: by the end of the month I was getting sick of the cold… as usual.

Ups: Training is going amazing!

Balance: Excited for warm weather and less laundry soon!

January

was something: it started REALLY HOT (the first day of the year I did speedwork in a sports bra!) and then it was record-breaking COLD. Running in the cold is so tricky… if you’re underdressed you’ll be miserable (and prone to injure stiff muscles), but if you’re overdressed you’ll also be miserable (and prone to not finish a workout either). Not only I spend way more time layering up but leveling each layer’s materials is a science I work at perfecting every day. Plus, add the wind-chill, the humidity, the area you’ll be running around, and the specific workout to the variables and it could literally cripple you in distress before you even start running… WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF, HUH?

ANYWAY… so it was hot, then cold, then freezing, then back to cold that felt warm because after freezing cold is nothing. I am, somehow, still sticking to my crazy exhausting training plan, and it’s actually going great (some days better than others!). It’s mostly 4 hard workouts a week, but I built them slooooow, so it’s all safe. Painfully horrible BUT SAFE. It’s going well. Plus, I’ve had a few good friends jump in to help in, to pace, to train with, or just distract me from my thoughts of jumping into the reservoir. They are ALL faster than me. I swear. No joke, it’s super humiliating humbling, every week. My main pacer, Pamela Hunt, just won Runner of the Year at the NYRR Club Night. And there I am, trying my best, huffing and puffing, week after week. Why? Because I a not ready to give up. Not yet.

January was a challenging month on the personal side, most of you know. It was heartbreaking but also full of joy. I am trying to navigate all those super strong emotions. We learn something every day if we keep our eyes and hearts open. I am mostly thankful to get to go through this, and to know the people in my life are super strong and we hold each other up.

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DATA DOWNLOAD

Overall Small Recap

Total Miles: 147. Not bad! IF I am shooting for 1,800 miles in 2019, the monthly average should be around 158, so I need to up it up a bit. I think it’s hard to put on a lot of miles when I am training because I am currently doing 4 hard workouts a week, so I need more rest than usual…

Downs: just the world-record-breaking really really really cold temps

Ups: I have managed to stick to my training even in this cold weather!

Balance: starting the year STRONG! Let’s go!

August full of PRs! WTF? I have no idea how this happened. Yes, I have been training like a beast since December and yes, I always surprised when things turn well (to me, the key to being happy is always having low expectations!!!) but omg how did I run the highest mileage I ever did without intending or noticing?

[dorothydelgadillo]

How to Survive When School is Back in Session [MarketHer Ep. 47]

In case you haven't noticed yet, we haven't posted a podcast recently.

Instead, we've been sharing personal experiences to give a bit of a one-on-one approach to MarketHer.

Last week, Britt shared the joys of her new office and the different spaces some of our remote people work from.

We hope this gave you some inspiration to spruce up your personal working space, whether it be in your home, in a co-working space. or an office.

This week, I wanted to share what it's like for me, and for some of my fellow coworkers when summer is over and school is back in session! 

I have three amazing kids; Evan (a new middle schooler), Keira (last year in elementary) and Reilyn (second grader). 

At IMPACT, I’m lucky enough to work remotely which helps with the craziness, but that also means the summer can be complicated with three kids at home.

Thankfully, we live in a great neighborhood full of kids, so for the most part, they were all outside playing day in and day out, aside from the slight addiction to Fortnite my son Evan had.

This is how our neighborhood looked at least six days a week if it wasn’t raining (and it rained a lot this year in PA):

Now, if you have school-aged children, I'm sure you know the feeling when August officially hits, which looks something like this: 

I mean, it did for me anyway. I watched this again for the second year in a row and died laughing. 

It's a time for preparation!

We organize bedrooms, shop for school supplies (the list is endless, but as the video above states, “I’ll buy you a microwave if you take these kids off my hands”), pull out our calendars to start planning for after-school activities, complete registration forms, and spend LOADS of money!

The kid are always excited to lay out their first day of school outfits!

Everyone is Pumped!

That first weekend before school starts, you are more prepared than ever. You have lunches pre-made that last a solid week! You are READY!

As a remote worker, that first day is the most productive day in months for me!

TV is off, no one is asking for a snack and your co-workers are wondering why you’ve shared 1,510 documents with them before noon. It’s truly the best day ever!

September, however, is when ALL the mayhem begins and you're already pulling your hair out!

The first day back to school bliss is short-lived. That first day they come home, there are mountains of paperwork -- school rules and ethics book, permission slips, reminders to send in the physicals and vaccinations, a letter from the teachers, passwords, apps to download, contact information to update, parent portals to set up and much, much more.

On top of this, all of the after-school activities start. In my household, we have hockey practice twice a week and games on both Saturdays and Sundays.

My youngest, Reilyn, has gymnastics on the same night Keira has dance which is also the same night one of Evan’s hockey practices are. The girls also have horseback riding lessons every other Thursday.

Now, when I was planning this out in August, I thought; I’m going to have everything on one night, that way I’m not driving around West Chester 5 nights a week. It’s good. I got this!

But then, the kids come home that first week wanting to do even more stuff.

Keira has been talking about wanting to be in fifth Grade honors chorus all throughout elementary. She tried out and got in. That’s on Monday nights. She also decided she wants to be in the school musical - Tuesday mornings at 8 AM.

By the time September is over, I’m wanting it to be summer again. I don’t even know what day of the week it is and I work full-time. So, how do I keep it all together?

How do all of the parents at IMPACT keep it together while growing this awesome company?

Great question! I asked my fellow co-workers what they do to prepare and/or stay organized throughout the school year, and I have some great information to share with you!

First, I’ll share mine:

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

I was talking to my best friend a few days ago and her daughter just started Kindergarten. My friend is also a high-school art teacher, so she’s used to this kind of stuff, right? No - WRONG! Despite having the summers off, it’s still a whirlwind. She told me a back-to-school parenting story I am ALL too familiar with, but being that this was her first time experiencing it, she was having some mom guilt.

Her son just started soccer this year, and like any good mom, my friend volunteered to create the after-game snack schedule. At the end of one of the games, her son came up to her and told her that there were no snacks after the game. Of course, she told him it was OK and that sometimes parents forget; They’d grab a snack on the way home.

She thought a little more about this later that day…..  “OH SH$T!!! I think I was supposed to bring the snacks.”

She pulled up the calendar that SHE made and sure enough, SHE was the one who forgot the snacks.

So, she called me to tell me about this, and because I’ve already been through the “oh sh$t, I forgot…” more times than I’d like to admit, naturally I’m the right person for the job at making her not feel like a bad mom.

Don’t sweat the small stuff is my biggest piece of advice.

Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or have a full-time career, this is going to happen more than you will ever like to admit and that is OK.

Recently, thanks to one of my fav co-workers, Katie Pritchard, I created a Trello board for all of my work stuff and personal stuff. It has helped get everything that is in my head out so I’m not overwhelmed with trying to remember it all.

That being said, I’m also on my computer every single day so I always have access. It definitely doesn’t help using a tool that you don’t check daily, so if you can, I’d give it a try. I love the satisfaction it gives me when I move something to the done column.

But seriously, don’t allow that mom guilt to creep in! Easier said than done, I know, but that guilt doesn’t help solve any problems and it’s worth the heartache you go through when you allow it to sink in.

That’s my advice, but what do my co-workers have to say:

Prep Meals - Britt Schwartz, Principal Strategist 

Britt has been a friend of mine for three years, as well as one of my co-hosts on MarketHer. I’ve always known her to homeschool her kids, which, as a fellow full-time working mother, I never imagined how she did it!

This year, Britt decided to send her three oldest (she has five kids) to public school in their new hometown in Michigan. 

This was new to her, but she handled it beautifully.

Below are her first day of school pictures and how she Embraced The First Month of School Struggle:

"I had no IDEA how many permission slips, school photos forms, t-shirt orders, recorder orders (God, help me!) would be involved with sending our three oldest to school for the first time, this year. On one hand, there is stronger sense of focus during the day while I'm now able to be present ONLY for my work, but on the other, finding time for things like Parent Field Trips and School Assemblies for homecoming is now our new norm!

Try to plan ahead as much as possible, for us, that's food. We do weekly menu planning with breakfast, lunch, and dinners already planned ahead. I prep what I can on Sundays and making school lunches ahead of time really helps. We don't have to think about what we're going to eat in the middle of a crazy evening."

  Share the Responsibilities - Kathleen Booth, VP of Marketing

Kathleen is a person whom I've looked up to since the day she started at IMPACT.

She is always calm, cool and collected. She is dedicated to the success of the IMPACT Brand team, is a mom, and is heavily involved in her community and passionate about her beliefs. 

admire her ability to always stand up for what she believes in and isn't afraid to put words into action. I love that about her! 

This is her son, Wyatt:

"As your kids get older, don’t be afraid to give them some of the responsibility for staying organized and being prepared for school.

My son started sixth grade this year and with his promotion to middle school, we decided he was ready to take some ownership for his academic experience.

In our house, that means he makes his school lunch the night before, sets an alarm clock to make sure that he is up on time, and does his own laundry each weekend so he has clean uniforms ready to go every Monday."

Communicate & Stay in the Loop with School - Shandia Drummond, Sales Operations Specialist

Shandia is a mother of three boys, all five years apart.

She juggles work, mom-life, and on her “down-time” modeling.

What I love about Shandia is her drive to always be herself and to teach her kids how to be themselves too!

She posts amazing photos that look straight out of a fashion magazine on her Facebook profile, but more importantly, she's showing everyone how to embrace who they are and not be afraid to put themselves out there. I wish I had the confidence to do the same! 

These are two of her sons, Delano and Aiden:

I have three boys (two are school aged, and each in different schools).

My eldest, Aiden, started 5th grade this year and moved to the middle school. This was a huge shift for him and myself. He has more responsibilities as well as school sports, band, and chorus.

To help us both stay organized, we are enrolled in the school communication platforms (Class Dojo and Edmodo).

It can be hard for him to get into the rhythm of multiple classes and teachers as in Elementary school he only had two teachers, now he has a teacher for each subject.

In Edmodo, the teachers are able to post homework assignments, test packet reviews ,as well as any announcements and information for parents. This has been a huge help in keeping myself involved and helping Aiden stay organized.

Delano started first grade and thought this is a step up for him from Kindergarten, it's pretty much the same routine from last year.

He is enrolled in Class Dojo. I can communicate with his teacher throughout the day by checking in on his daily progress chart as well as direct messages.

So far, the school year has felt less chaotic than I thought it would due to constant communication on these awesome platforms. I suggest that any school that offers this option, take advantage. It will save your life (SERIOUSLY). :)

Struggling with the start of school too? 

Join us in our Facebook MarketHer Group to continue the conversation!  We'd love to hear your tips about getting back into the swing of things, and more importantly, how do you keep it going all year? 

If you have some tips, email us at markether@impactbnd.com. We will share it on our Facebook page!! 

Listen to the Episode on iTunes

Stay Connected, Get Engaged! 

First, subscribe to MarketHer on iTunes.

Second, have a question or an idea for a future episode of the podcast? Let us know by commenting below, subscribe to our playlist on YouTube, connect with us directly on our channels below or send us an email.

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Or, you can leave us a comment below! Until next week...

We Listened, You Heard, Now, Go MarketHER!

from Web Developers World https://www.impactbnd.com/blog/back-to-school-tips-from-impact-parents

[nameinbullets]

Negative Gamers

First off, don't get me wrong - since I started playing video games, I've met some bloody fabulous people. Key shout out to the three Maori dudes with deep voices that implied heavyset figures, who immediately restored my faith in the general population of Fortnite players.

Also, special shout out to TobyJamesApps. One day, I will meet you in a game again, and you will be the one humiliated.

But that's not even where this, and I'll admit, anti-gamer prejudice comes from. See, a few years back when I was 18, I dated a guy who was a hardcore gamer. This was around the time CoD Black Ops came out, I think (I can't and don't really feel like keeping track of that particular franchise). Obviously, being a fan of first-person shooters, Alex was all over that shit like hot potatoes.

I'm a fairly curious person. If I see people enjoying something, I'll give it a go myself, especially if I'm invited to do so. Being thar my only gaming experience at this point was SingStar and Sega, I was uncertain about the controller setup, and voiced my concerns of not knowing how to play.

"Don't worry," Alex told me, "We'll be right here to help you."

His older brother and other friend nodded along each time he said this. They all said multiple times that they'd help me learn. So eventually, I caved.

An Xbox controller was put in my hands. Alex picked a character for me and gave me the weapons he figured I would use best. He didn't explain anything about the weapons and their features, just chose everything for me. He didn't even tell me how he did it. Then handed me the controller and said "press this button".

Then, the nightmare truly began.

Remember how I said I had no gaming experience beyond Sega? Yeah. I think he totally forgot that. I went straight into the player versus player match with the others, all of them against me, and they just started talking casually. No cares in the world. Me?

"Which screen is mine? Wait... you're all moving and that one isn't,, okay that's me.Sohis one moves me, right? Ah okay yeah I see. What does this one-- okay now I'm seeing feet? Oh, that's the camera. Okay so how do I shoot? Which? No that's aimin-- oh, there it is--"

I didn't get much further because that was when Alex's brother, Andrew, found me and killed me the first time. At my indignant cry of protest, he shrugged it off and said "You wanted to play!"

I figured out how to run, thank god, and found a decent hiding spot next while I figured out the controls. Problem is, the guys could see my map, which told them where I was, and they were able to find me using that info.

I never figured out how to even reload or switch guns. After actually hitting Alex on the shoulder to get his attention, I got my first piece of information from him - how to crouch. By the end of the match, I had racked up a grand total of 48 deaths and 0 kills - and all the boys had killed me several times each.

Afterwards, when I voiced my irritation to Alex, he promised to be better next time. Stupidly, I believed him. When "next time" happened, the only thing I learned was how to read the end of game score board - which told me that between themselves, the boys had focused almost entirely on killing me because I was an easy target.

This cycle went on for longer than it should have, me trying to share my boyfriend's interests only to be gunned down by him and his brother and friends, who often laughed about my "hissy fits" when I "didn't get my way". Being the type of person I am, I soon ended the relationship (turns out he was a poisonous guy anyway, he has since become next-level stalker trying to get me back).

"But that's CoD players!" was the phrase uttered by every Skyrim fanatic I encountered when that game came out. That's all good - I have my prejudice but when I meet individuals then they are treated as individuals. Meaning, I have prejudice against you until one of us says "hello". Then, it's a clean slate.

I mean, hey. I'm female. I'm used to being judged before I've even been met. But I'm used to seeing that prejudice carry over when I meet people.

Anyway, getting off track. So a bit after Skyrim dropped, so did my sister's first kid. Her partner was a security guard at the time, and father of the child. In those first nightmarish weeks of being a young parent, my sister enlisted my help since Matt was too busy with work. Upon arriving at their place most Monday afternoons, I discovered that "Work" apparently also included Skyrim.

I saw this go on for a few weeks. If Matt wasn't at work or asleep, he was on his game. I myself told him when I was napping to "put the fucking game down and go look after your son". I had always thought Matt, like Alex, was a fairly decent guy. I was dead wrong, it seems. But my sister was happy to stay with him because it meant two working adults bringing money into the household, and in this day and age and on her wages she could barely afford to support herself let alone a kid.

The clincher came when GTA Vice dropped. Matt had been nagging my sister about getting it on preorder, and she had said no so many times. They couldn't afford it. I was out shopping with them the day it dropped, and halfway through the shopping, Matt disappeared. He returned again when we were at the register, and my sister mustn't have seen at the time, but I watched him trying to discreetly tuck a yellow shopping bag into the bottom basket of the pram. Only two stores at that shopping centre had yellow bags - JB HiFi, and GameTraders.

When they put the shopping through, the card for the joint account was declined. My sister was confused, since there should have been an extra hundred dollars in there, but she couldn't go through the transaction history. She had left her card at home, and Matt's card also declined since his Xbox membership has gone through and he'd bought a bunch of downloadable content for gaming the day before. I paid the shopping since I had money and they needed it (Sister's face when I handed over $300+ cash). As I folded up the pram and put it back in the boot when we got to the car, I pulled the GameTraders bag out, held it up so my sister could also see, and asked what Matt wanted me to do with his new GTA Vice and chat headset.

Bitchy move, yes. But gaming is not an occupation, nor should it ever take precedence over shit like food and your own kids.

I've had various run-ins with gamers since then, most of which have been negative. I will say that I have met some people who aren't anywhere near as bad as the stereotype I've been led to believe. Some gamers are genuinely good people who treat it as a hobby, an addition to their lives, and not the main focus.

It was after a lot of pushing from one of my friends that I eventually went out and spent $250 on a pre-owned Xbox One. While I was looking at the various pre-owned games that I could get in a bundle with the console, Destiny 1 popped up. After I explained that I'd like to get that to learn the controls on and get used to gaming, he said to me:

"You'll have me there to guide you and help you learn."

Naturally, I believed him. He'd proven to be a trustworthy friend so far. But that phrase was almost exactly what Alex had said to me years ago when I was indecisive about playing with him.

Nevertheless, I eventually saved up and got the console, game, and an Xbox Live membership (what do you mean it costs money?). I set the game up, and since he was asleep at the time, stumbled my way through the first two missions. Then I asked if he wanted to join me, but got no answer. I assumed he was working, so I stumbled my way through the next four missions alone, slowly figuring out the game mechanics as I went. I held off doing one of the strikes for almost a week, waiting for this friend to become available. How was I to know that there was a faction rally for D2? Moreover, why should I expect my friend to fulfil his promise when he wanted to focus on participating in said faction rally?

I got through the strike alone, thank you very much. It was hellish, but I made it. And I proudly stated that I got through it alone to my friend, who seemed to ignore my comment. I mean, okay maybe it was a bit boastful, but considering how new I am to gaming in general, I thought defeating one of the major bosses was something that deserves a congrats. Oh well.

I played through the rest of the game, before he finally decided to join me for the final three missions - which, I might add, he completely dominated in. Also, did you know you can kill your teammates in D1 by ramming them into a rock with your speeder? I didn't. That was something he showed me. That was really when it began to resonate with me how similar all of this was to Alex.

We finished the main campaign. I wanted to complain about how he basically robbed me of majority of kills and I missed out on a bunch of XP because of it, but felt like by doing that then it's just sound like me bitching even more. So I shut my mouth and told myself to be grateful he actually fucking joined me in-game.

When we finished the campaign, he told me "If you get Destiny 2 then I'll definitely play with you."

So far, I've had it for a week. I've finished the campaign (on my own), maxed out my levels, and soon I'll be able to do the hardcore stuff like leviathan rid and Nightfall strikes. I joined his clan and have been maxing my clan XP limits within a day. I've improved overall in my ability. But he's too focused on levelling his characters on PC, and apparently doesn't want to come back to Xbox to join the friend he promised to help.

Fucking... At this point, I'm tempted to leave his clan right before Curse of Osiris drops. He's struggling to find clan mates as it is - maybe ditching him to find some group that'll actually fucking help me is the best option?

[zmbkl]

Nano 11

Hello everyone,

Today has been really chill. I woke up this morning and didn’t get out of bed until 10am. I had to be at my friend’s house around 11am. I told her I’d bring omelets. It was supposed to be a board game and breakfast pot luck thing. I forgot to buy omelet ingredients, but I had eggs. I made scrambled eggs with left over bacon. We left on time, surprisingly enough. Alia wanted to get bread for toast so we stopped by the store on the way. We got there somewhat on time, but one of the hosts wasn’t there anyway so meh. When the host got home we ate food and started playing games.

We played this new game called, “Love Letter.” I haven’t played it before, but it was very simple to learn. I lost terribly. We played a round of, “Betrayal at house on the hill.” I was one of the heroes, but again I lost. It was close though. We played a round of, “Red Dragon Inn” which was fun.

I like hanging out with these friends. I don’t see them very often. I try, but they’re often very busy. They seem stressed out a lot, and not in the mood to hang out a lot of the time. It’s fine. I understand. I think it’s just important for me to keep trying to contact them. I remember I lost a lot of friends in college because I kept bailing on plans. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to hang out. It was just never convenient. After a while, those friends stopped contacting me. It sucked.

After we left, we went home and relaxed a little before Alia had to go to DnD. She left around 6pm-ish and I tried to get work done. I cleaned my room, did dishes, hung up old laundry I never put away, and did some research. I was supposed to prepare for my DnD session tomorrow, but I just never felt like it. It sounds like I did a lot, but all those activities took me like an hour and I spent three hours doing nothing of importance.

I played cookie clicker and watched Hearthstone videos. I have a hard time forcing myself to do work at home. In college I accepted that I couldn’t get work done at home, so I used to stay at the all night study building and do important essays. I think when my roommates leave, I’m going to move my computer out to the living room and try to train myself to only sleep and relax in my bedroom. I think I associate my room with relaxing so much that I can’t break the mental block to work. If I separate my work space and sleep space then maybe I could be more productive. I think I also need to sit less. During the weekends, I am on my butt like all day. I thought about getting a standing desk. Not real standing desk, but just stack empty boxes on my desk until my monitors are at boob level. It might help, but I might just be wasting my time.

The problem is, I’ve been trying to train myself to get over this mental block for six years. This isn’t a new idea, and I don’t think it’s something I can just will myself into being more productive. I think it’s time to treat myself like an organism of habit and try changing my environment. I don’t know, we will see.

I was watching this youtuber today named, “Day9.” Back in the day, I used to play a lot of Warcraft 3. When Starcraft 2 came out near 2010, I got really deep into the competitive scene of Starcraft, and got into the personalities. I eventually started watching Day9’s content because a forum told me I should watch his 100th episode. I watched the whole thing and I felt a lot of feelings.

Yeah I want to take a break here and talk about my character growing up. I know I was a very impressionable kid. I get that and I don’t think it’s a terrible thing, but not something I really do now. I always had some form of a hero as I grew up. When I was in elementary school, I looked up to my cousin Mark. He was four years older than me, and so confident. He taught me how to play majority of sports, and he was a good moral influence on me. I remember he wanted to become a cop, so I did too. He talked about going into the military and I had my own plan to also go into the military. I was young and didn’t understand the world very well. When I got older, I watched a lot of anime. It also had a strong influence on my character. I didn’t change my career over an episode of Naurto, but I did change the way I dressed. I cut my hair like one of my favorite characters, and I wore like three belts at once because I saw it in an episode of Bleach once. I started to go to Anime cons. I went to my first con in 2006, Fanime, and I was cosplaying by 2008.

I got really into Scrubs in high school. It sounds dumb now, but that’s why I wanted to become a doctor in high school and early college. I watched every episode three to four times, maybe more. I was really emotional and tried to defuse the tension with jokes. I cut my hair again to look more like the main character of Scrubs. I emulated a lot of the humor and I memorized the speeches. I still have the Scrubs sound track on my phone.

Later, and this brings me to Day9, I started to look up to some of these Youtubers. I was really into Doctor Who and Starcraft. I downloaded all the emotional speeches Day9 gave and listened to them whenever I needed a pick me up. His 100th daily was about his road to winning the American championship. His mom was super supportive when he talked about playing game competitively, and his older brother was just as into it. His story involved him losing the championship for a few years, and he kept at it and came back to win the whole thing. At one point in the story he talked about his brother. His brother had been working to win this tournament year too, and it cost him a lot of money to be there. They got pit against each other in the tournament and his brother lost. His brother pull him aside and told him, “I am so proud of you and you’re gonna win this thing.” It hit me kinda hard back then. I was working a part time job that took a toll on me both mentally and physically. I was scrapping by at college. I was doing well, but I didn’t sleep a lot and had very little if no friends outside of my relationship. I really wanted that kind of validation. I wanted to be told that someone was proud of me. I mean, I do a lot of things for myself, but it would have helped for someone to tell me I was doing a good job. It seems dumb now, but just thinking about someone telling me they were proud of me almost made me cry.

I had a talk to Alia about an idea similar to this a while ago. We got out of college and started out career jobs. She said something along the lines of, “It feels weird to be this happy, I feel like something isn’t right and this feeling isn’t permanent.” I had a response right away. I said it feels this way because we kept telling ourselves it’s gonna get better one day. I had music that got me through the day when it got really hard. I used to listen to this crappy song my Good Charlotte called, “March on” in the morning. It was just a song about how life sucks, but to keep marching on. I listened to it when I had a bad day to remind myself that suffering like this was only temporary. That if I kept moving forward then everything will be ok. I used to find things to make me cry. I used to have episode of scrubs I would rewatch just to cry. Think they were, “My old lady”, “My TCW”, “My steaknight” and “My life in four cameras.” I just really wanted the release of crying to help me get through the week. I used to watch Day9 videos and sad episodes of Doctor who, to help me get a lot of feelings out. I had breakup song I would listen to that would help me cry to not feel so bad, “Payphone” “When We die” and “Where have you been”.

What I am trying to say is, I spent so long convincing myself that, “One day it’s gonna be ok” that I forgot I might have reach it. I got so used to treating the stress that when every was FINALLY ok, it didn’t feel right. I needed to remind myself that this is why I didn’t sleep for days sometimes. I cried in from of two teachers and three bosses because the stress got really bad.

I don’t need these things anymore. I don’t have as much stress as I did. I don’t find reasons to cry anymore, I don’t have songs that get me through the day, and I don’t have any more heroes, fictional or otherwise. It’s probably for the best.

A lot of my heroes didn’t age well. My cousin Mark became a passionate Trump supporter. Scrubs didn’t age well from a social perspective. There are a lot of issues from a feminist and racial perspective. I found out Day9 cheated on his girlfriend when he traveled to Sweden, and I watched his old horror game show with Alia. I kept cringing at a lot of the jokes. I overlooked a lot of these when I was younger because I needed a way to defuse. I don’t have any heroes and I am not looking for that validation in the same way I was years ago. I dunno, I think I’m better off.

[hotokeiki]

Week 128: J-pop

http://zippyaudio3.com/download/reina-ueda-%E4%B8%8A%E7%94%B0%E9%BA%97%E5%A5%88_watashi-dori-%E3%83%AF%E3%82%BF%E3%82%B7-%E3%83%89%E3%83%AA/-569986_FWqKXF#.WRKBntnktTw.facebook

Hey guys!

Man, has it been a while. The summer has been busier than I originally anticipated. Hopefully, you saw the last update I posted. That explains fairly well what all I want to do this summer, and NEED to do this summer.

Anyway.. How is everybody?

…

Linda: They can’t answer you.

Shh, Linda. *whisper* I know, but I’m trying to be polite. *whisper*

So, the last post was good ol’ St. Paddy’s Day, March 17. It is now May 17.. I’m sorry I left you with that for two months. XD

So, what’s happened since then?

Well, finals. That was a week before my birthday. Oh yeah, I had a birthday!.. We’ll get to that.

Let’s start with grades. A couple of my professors waited until the latest allowable time to turn in grades, but I had my grades by Friday, May 5.

Here they are. I’m pretty happy with them.

EE 353 (Communication Systems) - B+

EE 358 (Control Systems) - A                (pretty happy with this one)

EE 368 (Control Systems Lab) - C

CS 460 (Operating Systems) - A

EE 363 (Communication Systems Lab) - A

EE 477W (Senior Design II) - A

PSYC 460W (Psychology of Women) - A

Term GPA was 3.73, so I made Dean’s List! (=> 3.5)

I was trying to catch up in Control Systems after realizing I was taking the class too lightly. You don’t really learn things when you’ve already convinced yourself you don’t understand. Anyway, there were some tougher parts of the semester. I was freaking about this one report for Control Systems Lab, and I had convinced myself that it was due later than it was. The first section of that lab had two more days to do the simulations and write their report.. but I digress. I felt bad about doing that to Uncle Paco, being at the lab to ask questions when the assignment was due, and worked to get it done that night (I thought it was due by midnight). I apologized to Uncle Paco, and emailed my report before midnight. We worked things out, but I still got docked for the assignment. So did Evan, and we weren’t the only ones who thought it wasn’t due at that point. The last exam for Controls was the week before finals, and I thought it went pretty well. I actually figured out how Lag Compensation works during the exam (no one knew). XD

And the Communication Systems exams were brutal. I did pretty badly on the first one. It’s not that the questions were confusing, but there were so many! I told myself that if I had worked out more problems while studying, I could’ve finished the exam. There were 9 problems. I only had one actual final, and that was basically comprehensive. Also, Dr. Wu says that the exam problems are the same as the homework. They’re not entirely. He basically copied the exam from last year, and I didn’t have that exam to study for the first exam. Anyway, we get to the final (there were only two exams in total) which I’d been studying for for a couple days. But the final was.. OH MY GOSH, HOW?? How do you answer 11 problems in 2 hours. It seems easy, but the first problem is finding the coefficients for Trigonometric Fourier Series. I didn’t even finish that problem, and it took like 10 minutes!! That final was by far the worst exam I’ve ever had. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I know, because I had Evan record it. The Communications Lab was fun. It was basically a bunch of MatLab programming. I got behind on three reports, but the T.A. was fine with me turning them in late, and immediately graded them. He’s a nice guy, and he’s graduating with his masters. We’re friends now. Good luck, Zhewei!

Psychology of Women went really well. That was a fun class. I got perfects on all my papers. The last exam was also the week before finals, and it wasn’t comprehensive. I felt really good about that one. Dr. Krawczyk said we could email her to find out our scores on the final. I got a 38! Operating Systems was also really fun. Now I understand why Windows is not great for task management. We only had a project and a final take home exam/ homework/ project thing. That also went really well. I got it finished before the Computer Science party. That was a strange week. And we hit a bunch of snags in Senior Design, but my dad helped me a lot in getting ANYTHING running on the display. The display driver controller was being a little shit. Here’s video of the display demo we showed Dr. Allen: https://www.facebook.com/christian.dickinson.33/videos/566937140183929/

(it’s supposed to update the whole display at the same speed, but we ended up with a loading bar. And then we just repeatedly inverted and un-inverted the color on the display. It looks nice) Thaddeus had the Audio subsystem producing a tone, and Talen had click response of the Schmitt Trigger piano keyboard controller. In case I forgot to tell you, our project was the Super Pretendo, a handheld gaming console. There’s a good amount of documentation on Github this year!

 This is what happens when I don’t post for two months!! Sorry, guys. I’ll try to wrap up.

 My birthday was good. I had bacon and brats, and we saw Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 that weekend. It was good. It made me laugh and cry. I’ve been a little sick since before my birthday. I’m thinking it was a flu thing, maybe allergies. I’m pretty much over it.

 How old do you guys think I am now?

 Linda: You’re 23. Keep going.

 Gee, way to ruin the fun, Linda. Fine. Other than that, I made my last lecture for the trimester and presented it at the high school on Monday. It was about counting age, and telling time. It was confusing. Ore wa ni-juu-san-sai!

 And since Monday, I’ve just been trying to find an internship. I applied for one at my dad’s company, and he’d already decided who he was going to hire, but wanted to talk to me. It was good, and I might be able to get a job there later down the road. I applied for one at Itron, which is in town (I didn’t really want to commute again the whole summer). But I applied at a couple places in Mankato, and I got an interview set up at Software For Hire for tomorrow morning at 9am.

 Ok, I’m done. *deep breathing*

 Let’s get to the post!

 Watashi*dori by Reina Ueda is a song off her album RefRain.

 Yeah, something not tied to an anime… I think. You can never be too sure. I’m pretty sure it’s not, though.

 So, I found this song on SoundCloud. I was looking online for a song from Uma Musume Pretty Derby, and I found it uploaded by Anime Song#5. The name intrigued me, so I looked at the other uploads. And I liked almost every track there. And at the bottom of this list of uploads, as in the first upload for this account, was ワタシ*ドリ. I decided to follow Anime Song#5, and really liked the uploads. It was good, and there was so much good stuff being uploaded on a daily. Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Only the Ava.. LINDA! Did you switch my script again?

 .. That’s what I thought. Why do we even have that lever? .. SCRIPT! You did it again, Linda. It was funny the first time. Ok, it’s still funny…but stop.

 Anyway, I wanted to listen to Last Proof (was tied with this song. I wasn’t sure which to post), but I couldn’t find it. I could play it on my mobile app, because I queued it up when I had wifi and hadn’t changed the playlist. But it only existed on my SoundCloud app, and it was the same for Watashi*dori. Well, I realized that Anime Song#5 was no more. All that exists is one message thanking them for the great uploads (like I started with Minazuki-san!!), and all of the songs that I downloaded using the SCDL extension (thanks Rae), which changes the metadata so that the composer is the account that uploaded the song. So, I have a bunch of songs currently by Anime Song#5, and those were a bunch of the songs that Anime Song#5 uploaded. Thank you for the music, Anime Song#5. R.I.P.

 Word of advice. Download new songs you find on a regular basis, so they’re not completely lost to copyright antics. I SoundCloud is bad, because when an account is taken down, nothing remains. Nothing. It even says the message I sent is to Deleted user. I guess this message is my epitaph, then. This was three months ago:

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Hi,

My name is Chris. I just liked almost all of your songs XD.

You have very good taste. I look forward to your future uploads.

I noticed the #5 in your profile name. Do you have multiple Soundcloud profiles?

Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks. I listen to a lot of J-pop, and post it on my blog. So, it's always fun finding more.

Here's the link to my blog if you'd like to check it out: hotokeiki.tumblr.com/

Thanks again for the great music!!

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 This has happened before with SoundCloud. I lost a song one time, I think Sophomore year. It was before Signals and Systems and I wanted to hear this song. I hadn’t heard it in a while, but I still remembered what it sounded like and what it was called. I was able to find it again!! … and then I lost it before I downloaded, and I neither remember what it sounded like nor what it was called.

 The second time was similar with a song called Signal Graph. I talked about this on my Facebook page. This was in August last year!

Here’s the link: https://www.facebook.com/WeeklyJpop/posts/226243397773833

 And then most recently with Watashi*dori. Due to Anime Song#5’s deletion, I didn’t have the song anymore. But I remember what it was called, and who it was by. It took a little while, and checking multiple sites (a lot of which were in Russian), but I found it. I found an mp3 site that I could give a link to an individual mp3 instead of the whole search result. I wouldn’t do that to you guys.

 Anyway, lesson learned. I actually downloaded this song before that unfortunate incident.

 Now, let’s talk about the song, because it’s super funky.

 First off, Reina Ueda’s voice is soft but also fun. It works very well with the playful nature of this song. The song is just super funky, and fun to listen to. It does a great job of switching between feels. And the instrumentation and back-up vocals really fit. It’s a well-crafted song that blends the parts together so well. I really like it. Unfortunately, I can’t listen to it with headphones at the moment. But when I can, it will be glorious!

 Enjoy!!

 Album: RefRain Track: 02 Lyricist: Youhei Matsui & Reina Ueda Composer: Hidekazu Tanaka (MONACA) Arranger: N/A Artist: Reina Ueda

 Here’s a link to the album sampler. It’s really cool! https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjSpbmZxvjTAhWIeSYKHY_XDbUQyCkIKjAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D9yY9IVfngPk&usg=AFQjCNFXd5Uy3qwp5WLpOMNOzHtroOtkBA&sig2=VxyLjWx1sM2pfjVaSzPTsA

 Alright, that’ll do it for this post.

 I need to get to bed. Interview tomorrow. Wish me luck!!

 If you have any questions or requests, please let me know. Sankyuu!!

 Linda: Hey, Kanchou..

 (That’s the first time you’ve called me anything. Why “director”, though?)

Yes, Linda.

 Linda: Happy Birthday.

 Thanks Linda!

 Ok. Good night, everybody!

 Issho ni ittemiru?

 - Chris  ——————————————————————————- Minna, gokitai kudasai!!