#and i remember where i was for most of the uploads past communications

[runabout-river]

So, I have an old Fanfiction.net account where I posted my german fanfics ages ago, before I stopped writing fic for years. I picked it up again two years ago, this time in English and on Ao3.

About once a year though, I will get a message from FFN about a comment on an old fic or about a German Beta reading request. (I also got update notifications for the fics I followed for the longest time but those have stopped for 3 years or so.)

The latest beta request I got and accepted is this massive undertaking a German speaker took on translating english fics, and I'm helping out with that. The beta reading happens on googledocs but the communication happens on FFN and that made me feel nostalgic.

And I know FFN's quality had gone down and I know I had my reasons for going over to Ao3 but I thought 'Why Not' and decided to just make a new account on FFN and post my current fic there as well :D

To make this short and readable, the rest of the story is in list form:

exploring FFN's interface again was pretty nostalgic, especially when I uploaded my word document onto the site instead of having to copy/paste my fic onto it

The terms of service were just as I remembered them but only now did I fully realize how restrictive they are, especially the part about the publsihed authors who don't want fanfic of their work. Badly spelt or badly written fics in the grammar sense aren't allowed either and I think that aspect of FFN is following me until today

There was a waiting period for posting fic and other stuff, which is fine, every site has their own way to deal with spam

THEY DO NOT DEAL WITH THEIR SPAM

so I uploaded one of my oneshots just to see what would happen. It's for a newish anime (JJK) and while it is pretty far down their list in terms of works, it still has nearly 2k so I thought 'fine, could be worse'.

The next morning I wake up to 5 reviews and 6 PMs, ALL of it of the "I'll make art for your fic" spam variety except for one that looked like an AI summary of my fic.

I wasn't bothered by it because I deal with spam sometimes on Ao3 and I didn't have high expectations for that fandom on FFN anyway so I go to work deleting the comments and blocking the people who sent them to me

The blocking works even though its cumbersome

But I'll tell you how I nearly ripped my hair out trying to find the delete button for the spam reviews. I found the "mark as abuse/spam" button but I looked everywhere for the delete one. Just. To. Find. Out... they don't have one D:

so maybe I never realized (and/or forgot) that FFN doesn't allow you to delete reviews because I was writing in a niche language years ago, but that's... that's punitive. That goes so hard against my current fanfic sensibilities and climate of a hobby you engage in with fun and a relaxed attitude, but FFN already said at the beginning, they want to make a good writer out of you so you will check your grammar and spelling and you will listen to criticism you'll better hope is constructive.

Illuminating times these last few days

I'm not waiting for FFN staff to delete those spam "reviews", I'm waiting on more spam people to write to me so I can block them before I delete the fic and repost it. I'll put a few more oneshots there later, too, and see how it goes. I might give up on this new account alltogether as well.

And that was my adventure in venturing out to old places again. As a side note: if you get into old media you should visit FFN and look around there for fic, too. You won't find most of their collections anywhere else.

This looks like it would interest @olderthannetfic and @ao3commentoftheday

[drvscarlett]

About You Pt 20

Sebastian Vettel x Webber!Reader

Summary: Everyone knows about the history of Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber. But there's a well kept story within the paddock about Sebastian Vettel and another Webber. This is that story.

A/N: the long wait is finally over. i apologize for the delays because life is so weird and a lot of stuffs happened. hope you all enjoy and let me hear your thoughts.

About You Series

2019, Albert Park Circuit

F1Gossips Daniel uploaded a set of photos in his photography IG account but then he deleted it and then reposted the same set of photos again after a while. However eagle eyed fans caught how Danny deleted a certain picture. Who is she?

User1 new wag???

User28 wasn't danny dating someone else?? User41 is every girl being posted a WAG right away? Can't they be simply friends??

User2 damnnnnn she looks fine

User3 ohmygod does anyone not remember who that woman is????

User7 I thought I was just dreaming when I saw the most iconic WEBBER.

User9 im sorry im confused. Im new to f1, can someone explain to me who is this girl? User12 basically this is Y/N Webber. The Y/N Webber who was present during the iconic Multi21. Used to be linked to Jenson Button and was his PR during his McLaren days. User16 I always shipped her with Sebastian since it was always Sebastian who seem to care for her during the Multi21 shenanigans

User19 hello how come im just learning this now? where has she been the past few years???

User7 well User19 she dropped out of the face of the earth after being involved in a car accident and then shortly after jules' death. Mark mentioned her in Aussie Grit about how she is taking time away from the media to recover. Maybe that's why Danny deleted it.

User45 if Danny removed this then maybe you should not be posting it esp when Mark specifically said that his sister is recovering!!!

F1Fan now that were talking about miss Webber again then let me bring back these old photos that Sebastian used to post on his blogs.

User1 SEB POSTED THIS????

F1Fan yeah, the old blogspot is deleted now sadly. User2 petition for seb to bring back his old blog or maybe make his own instagram!!

User3 didn't Y/N date Jenson?? what a homie hopper

F1Fan Jenson and Y/N went on one date then decided they were better off as friends so please refrain talking shit about her User7 go tell her F1Fan

User8 but just imagine how messy F1 was when Seb and Mark had that famous Multi21 moment then they panned to Y/N saying that she's the sister of Mark and bff of Seb

User11 i miss those days so much User15 this all seems so unreal but I went back to search the race and its very much real

User44 andddd remember when sebastian used to throw her so many birthday parties or those eyes on her during the podium. He was in love with her!

F1Fan I know. I just know that Seb truly loves her. User22 the couple we failed to protect!!!

2019, Bahrain International Circuit

Mark Webber had just arrived in his hotel room and he immediately headed straight to bed. With the heat in Bahrain, he was so happy that he was just interviewing people rather than driving the cars himself. He was almost dozing to sleep when the buzz of his phone jolted him awake.

The face of Y/N hugging him flashed in front of him. Somehow his weariness faded a little bit as he slides towards the green button.

"You look tired" Y/N greeted. Her face filled with a lot of concern.

"I do, thanks for pointing the obvious"

"Get some water, I saw how the drivers have been complaining how hot it has been" Y/N lectured.

It earns a chuckle from the sleepy Mark. No matter how much Y/N has said that she is done with the sports, Mark would always catch her tuning in on race weekends.

"You know people have been talking about you at the paddock" Mark couldn't help but open up the conversation.

"I'm really gonna kill Danny when he comes back" she groaned in response.

The instagram post has definitely generated a buzz within the community even if Danny was able to delete it right away. Mark has been scouring social media with the tags about Y/N and he could tell that everyone misses her around even if it has been years already.

"What are you so afraid of Y/N?" Mark wondered.

The direct question caught Y/N off-guard. The shift in her face immediately shows discomfort and a hint of fear. Mark knew well not to press her buttons but he wanted to understand what's holding her back.

"You told me you were scared before that people will look at you in pity because you are unable to walk but you have been walking for a couple of years now" Mark explained "I just want to understand what are you so afraid of that you are hiding from the world?"

A sigh escapes from her lips before she replies.

"The whole pity thing was true. Its the reason why I walked out" she seems to hesitate with her answer "But now I am afraid that people will hate me for walking away and leaving everyone behind"

"You didn't run away, you needed time"Mark's rationality immediately answered.

"I pushed people away and I hurt them Mark"

Mark could never forget the night that he picked her up from that restaurant in Brazil. Y/N never disclosed the content of the whole conversation but he could infer that both parties were hurt by the exchange of words that night.

"He misses you a lot" he worded it out more clearly.

"Mark, I don't know" she admits "I'm scared"

The older Webber have to run a hand across his hair. If the Mark from 10 years ago heard that he is bridging his sister and his rival together then he would have been punched himself already. This dance has been going on a long time, the distance and time should have healed all those wounds left behind in Brazil.

"Listen, he loves you."Mark assured "He loves you and he still chooses you. I don't think you have been listening to me talk about how much this guy has asked me for updates about you or how much he misses you. I'm sure that he will be more than glad than upset to see you again"

For a moment, the conversation went quiet. He couldn't figure out what she was thinking but when she finally looked back there was something in her eyes. A glimmer of hope and maybe a possible return, Mark felt like he knocked some senses with his speech.

"You really think he will still accept me again?"

Mark nodded his head in agreement.

"You two have suffered long enough with all these pining so do me a favor and just make out or something"

"Mark!" her face was red in embarrassment.

Laughter was soon heard from the other line, something very rare since her recovery. Or maybe Mark is just used to having her smile all the time before the tragedies occurred so he cherished these kind of moments a lot.

Mark vowed years ago to help his sister recover and if he has to settle with an old rival as a brother-in-law then so be it. Anything, just to see that old smiley Y/N again.

2019, Circuit de Barcelona-Catalunya

F1Updates Ferrari driver Charles Leclerc is spotted dining in a restaurant with F2 Prema Racing driver Mick Schumacher post-race.

User1 those are my husbandssss!!!

User2 mick in his f1 debut soon??? please let this be real

User3 Oh I want to be in the same restaurant and know what they are talking aboutt

User5 i didnt know mick and charles know each other

User7 they seem pretty close tbh! User10 the grid is basically a small circle so its not surprising to know that mick and charles know each other.

User19 saw them there! they went to this private meeting room place and i think they are celebrating someone's birthday.

User27 omg invasion of privacy??? User19 girl i just saw them carry gifts and overheard them sing happy birthday. tbh i avoided to ask for photos with them because the whole thing seems to be personal and they were trying to be inconspiciuous. User30 who are they celebrating hmm

The candles on the cake shines brightly in front of Y/N. Charles and Mick did quite a remarkable surprise in organizing this birthday ahead of the Spanish Grand Prix. They booked the private room, generated a menu, made the cake (which surprisingly looks good), and gathered the people dearest to Y/N.

She smiles looking at the people around her. It was quite weird that she is now in her early 30s and still spending her birthdays with the people who have been with her during her 20s. Although, the lingering thought at the back of her head is that she knew not everyone she wanted to be here today is present.

With a sigh, she blows the candles out.

“We have to cut the cake and everyone could taste how much of a great baker I am” Charles proudly declares.

“It’s us” Mick interjected.

“Potatoh potato, eh same thing”

The cake has been handed around and the small group enjoyed a little bit of cake time with each other. For this dinner, the talks about race strategy is off the table and they were all catching up with everyone's life.

"So what are your plans?" Jenson wondered "Not everyday you turn 30"

She smiles knowing that this question will be asked.

"I'm going to face some of my fears" Y/N answered.

It immediately perked up the attention of the F1 drivers present at the dinner. They knew that there was just one big fear that Y/N wouldn't want to face for years. Their eyes seem to double as if in great disbelief if they heard the whole thing correctly.

"I'm going back to the paddock" Y/N confirms.

"NO WAY!" "When did this happen?" "I CANT BELIEVE THIS?"

The flurry of responses was expected. It was definitely a surprise even for Mark, who seems to have no clue about this comeback.

"Who are you working for?" Mark wondered.

"I'm not yet going back to Formula 1 though" she clarifies "I accepted a role in Formula 3 as a PR for next year"

"BUT STILL FOR WHO?" Mick asked.

"Piastri"

"So that's why Oscar was asking about you"Mark clapped his hands in the new revelation "I guess were both handling him now ey?"

"An Aussie union team" she agrees.

Everyone is buzzing with excitement and already voicing out how they are looking forward for next year. Although, the elephant in the room, is not yet being discussed, everyone has the same thing running in their head.

'What will happen once Sebastian finds this out that she is back?'

Under the table, Mick and Charles shakes hands with a hundred euro in between them. A silent bet with Mick betting on Sebastian to make a move while Charles votes on Y/N making the first move.

2019, Marina Bay Street Circuit

Margarette was five years old and she told countless times to her Papa that she can take good care of herself. It was not her first time to attend a Grand Prix so one could say that her confidence is off the roof. But now that she is lost in the sea of people in orange, green, and pink--little Margarette is close to tears.

She didn't even know how it happened. One second she was patiently waiting for her Papa to finish signing a fan's cap then she saw Uncle Nando pass and waved at him then her Papa is no where to be seen.

Although the plastic card that hangs around the neck guarantees her access to everywhere in the paddock, she still feel very anxious to be apart from her Papa. It didn't help that the cameras are flashing everywhere and the mechanics are rushing from one place to another.

"Xcuze me!" Margarette tried to stop one of the staffs again but they passed by her again.

The tears were coming out because of her frustration and anxiety when all of a sudden a gentle tap on her shoulder made her turn.

"Hey sweetie, you seem lost" the woman knelt down so she was at her eye-level "what are you doing here?"

With that, Margarette finally broke in tears and hugged the mystery woman. It felt so relieving to see someone that finally noticed her dilemma.

"Oh don't cry, there there" the woman comforted.

Margarette held her tightly, afraid that she will be lost without any companion again. The woman ushered them to the sides so they won't be bothered by any of the rushing crowds.

"I lost Papa, I had to find him pwease" Margarette managed to say despite her crying.

"I will help you find your Papa, your name is..." the woman flipped her the pass to reveal her name and her expression morphed into a shock.

"Margarette Vettel, your papa is Seb?"

The little girl nods her head. It was a common reaction especially since she knew that her Papa won 4 of the championships before. She assumes that the woman is another fan who knows her Papa.

"I'll make a few calls and get someone to get you back to Ferrari's garage, okay?" the woman assures as she pulls out her phone to dial someone.

Margarette knew that it was not okay to trust strangers. Her Papa warned her before about the dangers of telling strangers her name or being too comfortable with one. However, something about this woman is very familiar to her. She racks her mind while wiping her tears away. Maybe she seen her in some of the race TV before.

The woman eventually brings in Charles, her Papa's teammate, and she immediately leaped to hug him.

"There you are cheri, your Papa is so worried about you" Charles exclaimed.

"Papa where is Papa?"

"Your papa is in a meeting so I had to run for him" Charles answered and then directed to the woman "You sure, you don't want to take the credits of handing Margarette to Seb?"

"Not yet Charles" the woman replies "Go and get her back, Sebastian must be worried"

Charles held Margarette's hand and they were heading out back to the Ferrari garage when Margarette turned. Her father always tell that it was rude not to thank people for their kindness no matter how little or big the act was.

"Thank you Miss!" she waves brightly.

The woman smiles back at her and Margarette couldn't help but think that she was very pretty. She would definitely think her Papa would think the same way if he sees her. Margarette makes a mental note of her face so she will point her out to her Papa next time.

2019, Suzuka Circuit

There was a slight drizzle as Y/N walks the track, the sky was in a dreary tone of grey as if it was mourning. The bouquet she was carrying seems to get a little bit heavier with every step she takes. Even after all these years, it still feels unreal for her.

"Hey Jules" Y/N placed the flowers at the asphalt.

Today marks five years since that accident that took Jules away. She remembered how it felt sitting at the garage thinking that it was just a normal accident until she was informed that he wasn't moving. She remembered how she tried to sleep and think of it all as a bad dream but then she wakes up and everything is still happening.

"We miss you already" Y/N couldn't help her tears "I have so much to talk to you about and there is so much that you have missed"

She takes a sit at the track. It was her habit every year to come to Suzuka in October just to sit and talk about what is happening with life. Maybe in her mind, she was just back in the cafes of Monaco conversing with Jules and he never left.

Recounting all the happy memories from the months that have passed from Charles' first win in Spa and Monza to the latest gossips that Jenson passed to her.

"And you must be proud of me, I'm coming back to the track again"Y/N announced "Figured its about time for me to face the music and say hello to an old friend again"

Friend would be the least thing that she could have described Sebastian, he was definitely more than that.

"Sebastian seems to be just at arms length every time but it seems like the universe is not letting us meet. I don't know if that is some divine intervention that's telling me that I'm not supposed to meet him again or maybe I'm overcomplicating things..."

She smiles sadly at the flowers in front of her.

"You would have known what to tell me"

At the parking lot, just outside of the Suzuka track, Sebastian has just parked his car. He glanced at the sleeping Margarette at the back of the car and he gently shakes her awake.

"We here?" she groggily wonders.

"Yes, we are" Sebastian grins "It's time for you to meet someone very special"

Sebastian picks up the arrangement of white tulips while holding Margarette's hand with his other free hand. They are walking towards the entrance of the Suzuka circuit when he noticed a familiar face that seems to be waiting on someone.

"Uncle Mark!" Margarette waved at the Australian driver.

Mark seems to look at them as if they have grown two heads. He seems so shocked to see them standing there.

"What are you doing here?" Mark asked right away "Race isn't supposed to start until a few days later"

"Its Jules and I want Margarette to meet Uncle Jules" Sebastian coolly replies.

Despite the cool weather, Mark seems to be sweating as if under pressure. Sebastian have picked up these little habits from Mark after being his teammate for a while. He seems to be hiding something.

"Uncle Jules too Uncle Mark?" Margarette piped in.

"Yes but Seb we have to talk.."

Sebastian suddenly had the gears in his head turning upon realizing why Mark was here outside guarding. His heartbeat goes faster and it was like there was something within his reach.

"She's there, isn't she?"

One look and that's all it takes, Sebastian felt like his world was going too fast but at the same time it stands still. He felt like he wanted to just drop everything and find her.

"Go, I'll take care of Margarette" Mark encouraged and Sebastian didn't need to be told any further.

He runs down the circuit that he knows very well but this time not in his car but with his own feet. However, his speed seems a little too similar with the car with the way he is running. His cheeks are wet from the raindrops or maybe it was some tears running down his eyes.

It didn't take a long while before she comes to view. She was sitting down with an array of flowers, she seems solemn and talking to the ground. Her hair was more wavy and lighter than he used to remember but she was there. It was still her, after all these years.

"Y/N?"

[graysparrowao3]

2024 Writing Reflections

Thank you @little-paperboat, what a nice tag to receive, really interesting to reflect on these questions. I'm not sure who may not have a tag, here are some no pressure ones if you would like to join and an open invitation (no seriously, I really like this one I want to tag everyone lol)💛 @wakacreations @thylyre @faetouchedfool @barbwillbrb @lolliputian

What's been your biggest learning point this past year?

To embrace the joy of writing. This meant trying new things or putting them out there or just writing what spoke to me. Writing "easy" and not worrying about my prose - if I just wanted to write fun dialogue with the same damn dialogue tags, then go for it babe, let those blorbos yap. If I wanted to put in the most cliche, in-your-face metaphor, smack that literary device on the arse and send it out! If I had a short idea that I thought was fun, I could share it as a fic, or a post, or even just a message amongst people who like similar things. The more I embraced the joy of it just for its own sake the less anxious I felt about it.

How has your writing developed this past year?

Writing sexually explicit content. I'm very cautious about the explicit content I consume for my own psychological comfort, and it was quite liberatory to be in control of the writing and know what was going to happen, and definitely allowed my writing to grow in depth, gain a new skill, and explore more heavy and intimate themes.

Bad writing habits?

I get impatient and want to be done with something even when I know the editing isn't quite finished and then spend the next hour frantically making edits after it's uploaded.

Favorite thing you wrote?

I feel like this changes every time I reflect on it, probably because I like them for different reasons.

For now, I'm going to say Part 10, the main "concluding" part of the NB series. I was absolutely exhausted after I wrote it.

I'll also say chapter 10 in The Elturian Prodigy, because in it Rolan begins to figure out the events of Descent into Avernus, and I was proud to be able to come up with how he might do it that didn't seem super obvious but that an intelligent character could reason through.

Biggest win?

Finding support and kindness that uplifted me to such an extent that it has changed the trajectory of my life. I'm part of the many folks who have found their joy and creativity again thanks to fandom writing and the overwhelming and unexpected kindness of people in the online community spaces. I even had some people in real life remember I was trying to write again and ask how it was going and I had to not be a big emotional mess about it. Thank you online writing friends <3

Your favorite words of the year, aka the words you check each chapter for, making sure you didn't repeat them 788 times?

Everyone is always breathing in various ways. Lots of deep breaths, huffing, snorting, air catching in throats. Or chuckling in various dry, wry, ways. Or brows doing various things; raising, creasing, cocking.

This is a ridiculous sentence, but I had to take a moment in the middle of the NB series and check I wasn't overdoing twat, bastard, and feck and turning it into a caricature. (There's a part where Rugan says "Every other word out of your mouth is 'feck this' or 'bastard that'" which was absolutely me calling myself out lol).

Goals for the new year?

I think I responded to this elsewhere, but in this moment I am thinking...

Just don't stop reading and writing, keep practicing and growing.

Always remember the kind words of internet friends that have made you have faith in yourself.

Keeping working on the ongoing WIPs.

I think, if I'm being honest, I would really love to finally get something original self-published or close to it by the end of 2025. As the saying goes, the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, but the second best time is now.

What are you excited for in the new year?

Well I'm in the middle of a couple of interviews, so getting hired would be good because life has thrown a lot around recently that won't be letting up any time soon. Fingers crossed.

I got some books for Christmas and my anniversary before that I'm looking forward to reading. Just finished the First Law trilogy.

Getting through some more of my fic WIPs and moving towards completion of those projects.

Some more cheeky tags because this is a great tag game if you are interested @vera-king-hrfl @beesht @ashprince-of-bel-air @alpydk @dutifullylazybread

[7grandmel]

Rip of the week: 04/11/2024

You Are Sus

Season 5 Featured on: SiIvaGunner's Highest Quality Rips: Volume D

Ripped by Retro Gaming

Requested by Corb! (Request Form)

I've written a fair amount already on here about my somewhat...muted feelings, regarding Season 5 of the SiIvaGunner channel. It was, retrospectively, a sort of transitional year for the team, as they had to officially move past the King for Another Day Tournament after over two years of fixating on it, not to mention how large parts of the team had left during those years due to creative and personal differences. It's a net good in the end that the channel team wound up finally being free of the edgy assholes that had festered since the dark days of 2016, yet this transition left 2021 in particular feeling a bit...lost, in terms of long-term goals for the channel. We were, of course, still getting stellar rips as always; be it the remaining old guard showing tremendous growth with rips like Hopes and Divinity+, or fresh faces like R.L.99 from Through the F-F-Fire and the F-F-Flame and Memmy from Welcome to 2021! They finally invented summers that hurt motherfuckers😂 only at sonicforces​.​com making immediately memorable first impressions to help pave the way for the future of the channel...yet taken on the whole, it can be hard for me to remember just what Season 5 of SiIvaGunner in particular was aiming to prove.

As fate would have it, however, a set of huge events in the online world wound up happening in the lead-up to 2021, the very year of this initial uncertainty for the channel. The channel was no stranger to responding to ongoing online trends – Plains of Des-passing-to was far from the only upload of its ilk – yet the events in question had such a magnitude to them, to where it was as if SiIvaGunner's responses to them wound up inadvertedly defining the entire year's Season, in part defining the channel's whole legacy. The most obvious example is in the year's April Fools event; The Disappearance of Super Mario, rather than playing with the expectation and goals of the SiIvaGunner channel itself the way that ...of 2023 did with Season 7, was instead entirely built on an existing online joke that had been bubbling in the gaming community for the course of multiple months, one I covered pretty succinctly back on Your Best Nightmario and Mario Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Princess.

The second of these events would be the initial release of Friday Night Funkin' and the immediate surge of popularity it came with; doubtlessly, the SiIvaGunner team's choice to provide matching visuals for every rip of the game as shown on Satinpanties Symphony and Satin PantE's wound up giving the channel tons of attention from new fans, and over three years later it feels as if the culture of SiIvaGunner is inextricably linked with the youthful punk spirit still keeping FNF alive. Yet most momentous of all, above the aforementioned two events, there was a third that would end up festering into 2021 of SiIvaGunner, not through thematic coherence or through the die-hard passion of any one ripper in particular, but through sheer force of overexposure and comedic value; 2021 was, indeed, the rise and inescapable plateau of all forms of imposters, crewmates, tasks and sussy bakas; At last, it is time to talk about AMONG US, and time to talk about You Are Sus.

I've had the request for this rip in particular stuck in my head for months on end, awaiting a proper time to cover it; I've scraped the very surface of Among Us' presence on SiIvaGunner on here beforehand through Among Drip Drop Galaxy, and it's been looming over this blog since near its very beginning all the way back on Big Sus Chocobo. Yet to try and comprehend all that Among Us is feels nigh impossible: more than a video game, more than a phenomena, Among Us took the entire shitposting world by inexplicable storm and mutated like a virus into what feels like several hundred different memes over the course of mere months. It was rapidly growing in absurdity and layers of irony, much the same as SiIvaGunner memes like Grand Dad did like I wrote about on Waluigi Pinball (Beta Mix), yet now done on a wholly mainstream level; no matter who you were, if you were frequent on the internet you were only a few posts away from seeing the Among Us Drip memes, from knowing someone who had permanently added "sussy" to their lexicon, from seeing the vague silhouette of a crewmate wherever your eye would wander. Among Us shitposting was omnipresent, and the worst part was; It was, through some bizarre construction of the collective human consciousness, pretty much ALWAYS funny. The SiIvaGunner team witnessed this meteoric rise in an entire new genre of shitposting, and it was as if it gave the channel a newfound passion; as if to say, "no matter where our vessel heading, we're gonna make the best damned Among Us shitposts possible for as long as its afloat.".

And so, the rips came in; Expensive Dispenser's Among Fresh Drip, a mixture of these latter two phenomena released near the very start of Season 5, may perhaps be worthy of coverage on here in its own right for just how foundational it is to the Season 5 SiIvaGunner experience as a whole. But the rips riffing on the game only continued to grow in number, and as the meme itself grew it had yet more sources to pull from; like Bottom G of Lagplane fame, Among Us' greatest strength as a meme was just how damn versatile it was, as there were a seemingly neverending amount of audiovisual cues that would immediately let the viewer make the connection to Among Us and the growing insanity of its derivative content. Now, imagine taking a distillation of that insanity, and mixing it with what may be one of the SiIvaGunner team's most insane rippers; Retro Gaming. Featured on here previously through Logan Paul's Shop, the guy is a ripper whose output I have been SORELY underestimating, someone who – as made evident in the aforementioned rip – has a sort of unhinged knack for adding onto his rips through additional sources and jokes that only barely feel cohesive with what the original concept for the rip was, like teetering on the brink of madness. With these two combined, you end up with a whole bunch of Among Us rips; and, indeed, with You Are Sus in particular.

It's remarkable to me that You Are Smart now has two clear all-time amazing rips under its belt for me with both You Are Sus and Season 7's You Are Book Smart, but it goes to show just how much inherent comedic value the song has. The off-kilter feel of Katamari Damacy as a whole, distilled into a weird beat, melody and voice samples, make it the perfect canvas for true lunacy to breed; and with You Are Sus, practically every part of the Among Us shitposting homunculus is leveraged to make something truly unbelievable. It's far from the only Among Us YTPMV on SiIvaGunner – I mentioned Big Sus Chocobo before – and yet it feels perhaps like the most cohesive rip of the game you could possibly make. All the hits are here; Arcade Craniacs-posting, Stop Posting About Among Us, Among Us In Real Life, A M O G U S, all woven together in such a chaotic, unpredictable way, like a barrage of Among Us noise more than aiming to be organic parts of the original You Are Smart. Yet they're paired with additions that ARE almost seamlessly integrated with You Are Smart, changing the titular chant into "You Are Sus", Among Us sound effects being added to the original song's beat to give it just that slight sussy texturing, even giving it a sort of "beat drop" around 0:40.

Retro Gaming doesn't get sidetracked off the original joke here the way you could argue (despite being to its benefit) Logan Paul's Shop did; EVERY joke present here, every layer of madness added is all to further You Are Sus's agenda. The usage of Arcade Craniacs clips in particular is immensely inspired; the channel was one of many content farms on YouTube that found increasingly absurd ways to play off of the Among Us branding to boost their own popularity, and through voice clips relating to said efforts are intersperced throughout You Are Sus, it all comes full circle at the two minute mark. "It literally says 'You Are Sus'", a clip rings out, thereby connecting the echoing edit of the You Are Smart voice heard throughout the rip to the title and concept of the rip as a whole, a madhouse of every possible angle of the word "sus" played all at once.

I can express as many gripes with the overall direction of SiIvaGunner's 5th Season as I wish, but none of that will take away from the sheer talent and quality found within its rips; and a rip like You Are Sus excels in ways only a Season 5 SiIvaGunner rip could. Channelling the peak of Among Us shitposting insanity through the veins of one of the SiIvaGunner team's most cracked-out rippers, executed with the detail and finesse on a level to where the Stop Posting About Among Us-guy's ramble is synced to the beat of the song used... it was bound to become an all-time fantastic rip, is what I'm saying. It was as if the loose direction the channel took during 2021 in particular gave the team free reign, a freedom to adapt all that the internet was yelling over throughout the year with a degree of effort it would otherwise direct to the channel's own internal ecosystem. If that effort was what gave us rips like You Are Sus, then I'm perfectly content in calling Season 5 of SiIvaGunner a truly successful experiment.

[demonqueenart]

Thank you for answering, I really appreciate it <3 I remember when people were speaking up about these issues a few years ago and many people in the phandom either shut them down or ignored them, and while I’m sure there’s still a lot of that going on even now, I’m really glad that we’ve reached a far more open and understanding point where it’s okay to talk about this stuff now. You and blogs like yours are doing a really good job putting yourselves out there, and we really are striving for a more inclusive community, because we all deserve it!!

Per the subtitle thing, I did some more research and went back to their recent videos, and it seems that while the majority of them do have proper subtitles, I think DnP don’t tend to upload their videos with proper subtitles on them at first, and instead do the subs afterwards and then add them when they’re finished, because the most recent video still has auto-generated subs on it.

While I am thankful that they do put on proper subs, since far too many YouTubers (some even bigger than them) don’t even bother, I believe they should make sure that the subs are there when they upload their videos; since I usually wait a few days to watch new videos, I didn’t notice the time-gap between auto-generated and proper subtitles, so that was my mistake! I appreciate their captioning, but D/deaf people, HoH people and people with sensory processing issues shouldn’t have to wait for accessibility, so I do think they have the capacity to do better in that regards. I’m not an expert on how captioning works on YouTube, so I don’t know how long it takes for captions to be made, but overall I think there’s definitely room for improvement.

That’s my opinion, though, as someone who uses subtitles, but obviously someone else may see this completely differently!

Absolutely! People should be able to enjoy an upload right then! I imagine it’s disheartening that someone would have to wait for a subtitle to be in a video while others have already watched and geeked about the whole thing. That must have made people feel excluded from this community in some way. I hope they’ll hire professionals for subtitles in the future, or find other ways to make people able to enjoy an upload right then! (It’s still very nice of them to use subtitles in their video early on tho. I think it’s something that people can overlook so easily, I’m glad this is not what they do :) )

Also, if anyone wants to share their pov about this, I would love to hear them. The more pov, the better!

[ID/ a banner with light blue sparkly background; the disability pride flag slides in from the left and darker blue text pops in reading "Make some noise for Disability Pride Month!!" /end ID]

Banner by dapg-otmebytheballs

Auto-message: This ask’s purpose is to acknowledge dnp’s past/present exclusivity, not to cancel them! But to embrace mistakes that they’ve made so that 1. we won’t exclude people in need in this community, and 2. we can normalize bringing up exclusivity so that improvement can happen. Hopefully this will one day help dnp realize that this is a safe space for them to talk about their mistakes, so that this space can become safe for people of all kinds too <3

*If you don’t understand what is happening, scroll through my blog for context. And I’ll be taking time to answer my asks, so don’t think I’m ignoring youuu*

[msdrprofessorjessica]

Introducing my Five Nights At Freddy's AU!!!

This is something that I have wanted to do for a while but I have not been able to muster up the courage for multiple reasons. These reasons include: I'm not an artist, moreso a writer. I feel that if I ever uploaded anything onto Tumblr involving a Fnaf AU that never had any sort of art, I would get ignored or even shat on because of it. I don't know why, might just be the anxiety in me (I also happen to be sick right now so that doesn't help either). I also felt that my ideas would be often criticized or straight up ignored by most around here. I grew up in a more simpler time of the Fnaf community, where AU's meant that something crazy needed to happen meanwhile everyone here just does Alive AU's and treats these characters like they are their own OC's. I don't. Thirdly, a recent post in the past might set off red flags, especially the recent sentence. This is not going to be your coffee shop Alive AU like most people. I don't like Alive AU's, in fact I kinda detest them if I'm being honest. If you know me on Discord (only close friends do) then this AU might not be super interesting and might be the same stuff I already do. But no one really knows me on Tumblr and a lot of people are not close friends with me, so this is a way to give back to the Five Nights At Freddy's franchise, a franchise I hold so dear to my heart.

Five Nights At Freddy's has been with me since I was nine years old talking about it in the cafeteria of my school, talking about what Fnaf 2 would be like, and playing it on the god awful mobile phone version. I still remember my IPod having the old Fnaf 3 mobile port on it before it got wiped, good times. For a while now, I have always been scared about going public with my works. Taking small steps to try and get myself out there as a writer and such, and I feel like this is a bit of a step in the right direction. Maybe a giant step but a step nonetheless. I want to share my AU with the world and with a fandom I have very close ties with and I still do even when I'm 19. Fnaf even helped me with gender identity and such (thank you Vanessa Fnaf) and while I did take a crack at people who make Alive AU's, I still enjoy them when they are done in a fun and interesting way. And yes, I still love those kids, they are so silly. This AU is a loveletter to the franchise and while I don't want to reveal the name yet, I can't just not tell you what it will entail.

For all you remnant and agony lovers, that stuff is staying. I love the concept of remnant and agony and I think I can use not just agony, but all emotions in an interesting way to make it affect remnant as well.

Actual development to not just human characters, but animatronic characters as well. I know, crazy right? There's lore to be had for the animatronics as well to make their development just as interesting as your favorite silly children and your mass murderers. Also yes, just like other AU's, the cast will have a large diversity. Some characters will be LGBTQ+, some will be black, some will be Asian, some will be autistic, the whole nine yards. Some will be straight and white, I know, horrifying but the cast will still be diverse.

All games are canon! Yeah that's right, every game is canon in some way shape or form, even games like Freddy in Space 3 and Fury's Rage. Five Nights At Freddy's 1-4, Five Nights At Freddy's Sister Location, Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria Simulator, Ultimate Custom Night, Help Wanted 1 and 2, Special Delivery, Security Breach and Ruin, and Secret Of The Mimic. Fazbear Fanverse Games are also canon as well, aside from Flumpty's for very obvious reasons. Everything has been worked out to make sure these games do not overlap each other in any way shape or form and that they all are smoothly and coherently connected to one another. Now in terms of books, the only one that will be canon is The Week Before. This may change and there will be a post about it if so, but as of right now, only The Week Before is canon. The movie, Fazbear Frights, or Tales From The PizzaPlex, is not canon.

Returning characters and brand new ones!! That's right, you will see all the familiar faces, William Afton, Henry Emily, Fritz Smith, Jeremy Fitzgerald, everyone you know and love will be here. There will also be brand new faces! OC's will be here and may sometimes be important but will also probably sometimes not be important. It really depends on the role of the character, can't wait for you to meet all of them, returning and old : D.

References up the ass. Many such references to many popular characters from the books, the movies, and even other fangames not apart of the Fazbear Fanverse. If you want to see some TRTF references, this AU is for you. Do you want to see Wario's Fast Food Factory from Five Nights At Wario's? You can! Do you want to see Dormitabis characters be shown and talked about? I am the only one who probably cares about it but yes!!!!

AU posts will hopefully feature art and even large stories! I am excited to share this AU with you... when I feel better and I'm not sick. Hope you all are excited!!! : D

[ddaome-kr]

Memorial Day in Korea: A Day of Remembrance and Reflection

Note: this was supposed to be uploaded on Memorial day in Korea (June 6th) but we started our tumblr blog a bit late compared to our instagram, so here's a slightly late but hopefully still interesting post :) Also, here's the link to our instagram post!

Hello, dear readers. Today’s post is going to be a little heavy and solemn as it is about Memorial Day in Korea. Known as "Hyeonchung-il" in Korean, this national holiday is commemorated on June 6th each year. This solemn day holds great importance in Korean culture and history as a time to honor and remember the brave men and women who sacrificed their lives in service to their country. In today’s post, I will introduce some interesting and meaningful information about ‘Hyeonchung-il’ from its history, and meaning to its modern-day commemorations.

First I will explain the name of Memorial Day in Korean. It is called ‘HyeonChung-Il’(현충일). It means the day of showing unswerving loyalty. Interpreting each of the characters is as follows: ‘Hyeon (현)’ means to show, ‘Chung (충)’ stands for loyalty, and ‘Il(일) is a day.’

Now let’s move onto the specific date. In 1956, the Korean government announced the date of Memorial Day to be on June 6th, three years after the signing of the Korean Armistice treaty. There are different theories about why the establishment of Memorial Day came to be on June 6th. One is that June 6th is around one of the solar terms, ‘Mang-jong’, which is when the barley ripe and rice planting newly begins. Korea, historically being an agrarian society considered it to be the best day of the year, and therefore chose this day to remember and perform rituals for the fallen heroes since ancient times. Another story is that since June is the month when the Korean War broke out, they chose an appropriate day for it. Also referred to as ‘the 6.25 War’, the Korean War had a significant influence on Korea then and still. So, in remembrance of this historical event that sacrificed millions of human lives and resources, the government deliberately associated Memorial Day with the Korean War. Nevertheless, Memorial Day in Korea is dedicated to all who showed bravery and sacrifice with their lives for the nation.

On this day people in Korea ‘hyun chung’ in various ways. The most common is putting up a half-staff national flag at each home and institution. It should be a half mast since it’s not a day of celebration but a day of commemoration. Also, siren rings at 10 a.m. on that day for 1 minute signaling for the citizens to participate in a silent tribute, praying for the fallen heroes. In addition, many also visit places like National Cemetery, War Memorial, and Independence Hall where the fallen soldiers lay take part in the national ceremony and offer flowers, incense, and prayers as a gesture of respect and gratitude. It is a poignant reminder of the sacrifices made by those who fought for Korea's freedom and peace. Furthermore, TV shows, livestreams of national ceremony, and movie in related theme are broadcasted. Lastly, through various educational programs and community events, the significance of Memorial Day is taught to children, ensuring that the sacrifices of the past are never forgotten.

However, in recent times, some critique that the sincerity of remembering the national spirits has decreased and the day is only seen as an extra day to rest. Saying that this may be due to the times being past and the society changing with generations that have not experienced direct war as the larger part. Nevertheless, people still put efforts into remembering this day. Such as doing a silent tribute before an event during this day or posting relevant information on social media. (Like this post that you’re reading right now!)

In this aspect, I recommend that you visit these places, watch the programs and shows, and follow along with the activities that will provide you with a unique opportunity to immerse yourself in Korean culture and history. By attending commemorative events, exploring historical sites, and learning about the stories of Korean war heroes, you will be able to gain a deeper appreciation for the resilience and spirit of the Korean people who showed courage, loyalty, and patriotism that are integral to Korean identity. I will add the links down below.

I hope you found this post interesting. See you in the next post!

[wuzhere75]

Recommendations for additional/alternative social media?

This blog and my wider public social media presence are approaching two years old. While it has been a good time and I am grateful for the following I have attained and friends I have made, I am curious about using other social media. Sure, Tumblr is not the most obscure social media, but it’s more niche than a lot of others. I am interested in taking commissions some time in future and am interested in growing my audience in general, but I also just want to discover new artists and find new inspirations. I already have Reddit and Discord accounts, but from what I understand most people do not use Reddit for personal-blog type social media even though you can post art there, and I’d prefer to keep Discord for personal use. Remember even if I where to create other accounts, I’d probably still use Tumblr as my primary social media

Here is a list of sites I am already aware of, and their personal pros and cons in my eyes (ordered from of most interested to least interested):

Deviantart

+Art focused

+Decently popular (?)

-Had the entire AI debacle. I mean Tumblr essentially turned around and did the same thing, but it still makes me feel weird

-At least from what I understand, there was a mass exodus to other social media sites after the AI debacle and in the past few years in general

-From what I have heard, certain communities can be toxic (though that’s true of all social media)

YouTube

-I actually am genuinely interested in getting into YouTube, it’s just mostly a thing where I don’t know what I’d upload at this point outside of silent speedraws. If I ever actually learn audio/video editing I might go for it, but it would be some time in the future

Instagram/Threads (Lumped together because from what I understand you need one to have the other)

+In the case of Instagram, incredibly popular

-Pretty much forgotten in the case of Threads

-Anything made by Meta gives me the squick. That’s not to say Tumblr’s owners/the owners or runners of any social media are “good” by any means, but still. Even I were to use these, I’d probably focus on output my own work on there rather than interacting with other users.

-Once again I have heard that some subsections of Instagram can be pretty toxic

Furaffinity

+Niche, but its a niche that would probably overlap somewhat with my work and interests

-I have heard the owners/mods are either shitty people themselves or at least associate with shitty/problamatic people. If there where similar alternatives that did not come with said baggage I’d probably been interested in those

Xitter/TikTok

-Just no. I respect anyone who chooses to use either of these for art, they’re just not for me unless for some reason I get really desperate. Like Instagram, even I were to start using these sites, I’d probably focus on my own output rather than interacting with other users.

I left Amino off of here because I have not heard of anyone using it in a while but from what I heard it kind of went down the shitter. Bluesky (?) and ToyHouse are off of here because those require access codes (and I haven’t heard anyone talk about Bluesky in a hot minute), and I feel weird about just asking people for them. Creating my own website, wether that be through Neocities or straight up learning code, falls under the same category as YouTube, where I am interested but don’t have the skills or the time to learn the skills to operate them.

[lady-azarashe]

I miss the old Internet.

Back when I was younger I frequently visited dozens of different websites. There were countless forums and websites worth spending your time on, and clickbait wasn't a thing as much as it is nowadays. A decade ago my browsing habits were much more varied: Cracked, Gaia, Youtube, ICanHazCheezburger, TGWTG, Instructables, at least four different forums, game/animation portals, etc. I only hit F5 whenever I was waiting for someone's forum reply or for something to be uploaded.

Nowadays stuff is so centralized (and so much stuff from back in the day has either disappeared or gone bad) that my Internet browsing habits are a loop of Tumblr-> Youtube (mostly for music) -> Reddit -> Reddit again -> Tumblr-> Youtube -> Reddit. Doesn't help that most social media seems to be composed of screenshots of the other social media sites. Back then I felt like a digital adventurer, discovering new places by following leads found in random places and that felt genuine. I remember discovering Neopets when I was a kid and I was over the moon because I had discovered something so amazing to me. Or small forums where, after posting for a while, everyone was like family. Now I feel like a disinterested tourist, accompanied by a mass of thousands of users indistinguishable from myself, who is carted around by whatever shows up on the front page; and whose group arrives, mindlessly consumes the content, and leaves feeling mildly entertained yet profoundly unfulfilled.

And this isn't even counting the amount of bullshit we gotta deal with these past few years, such as

manipulative practices from our content providers and their algorithms,

insane amounts of "enshittification" that's hitting every single social media site,

megalomaniacal CEOs constantly screwing over their own users in the name of ego and shareholder profit,

active and passive privacy loss,

the whole clusterfuck of AI-generated content,

astroturfing and manipulation to pit people against one another for a myriad different reasons,

and more!

I had spent over a decade on Reddit and left after the dumpster fire of last year's API changes and subsequent blackout. I feel like Tumblr's current state of affairs will push me out as well eventually. I don't think I'm going anywhere else after this, I'm just gonna join the ranks of the offlines.

Back when I was younger I felt like I had "a home on the Internet", as well as an identity. But now that I don't belong to any online community anymore, and now that I'm slowly withdrawing unto myself and keeping only nostalgia as company, I feel more alone and adrift than ever before. Hell, I'm not sure that's 100% nostalgia there. That's just straight-up loss.

[m39]

Doom WADs’ Roulette (2007): Epic

You know what folks? Change of plans! I must play something else before Community Chest 3 kills me with its marathon-long content. So let’s take a look at another WAD on the list before gathering material for CC3 between reviewing other WADs. And today, we have a perfect WAD that will jump-start my heart back out of the boredom.

G8: Epic

Main author(s): Alexander S. (Eternal)

Release date: October 10th, 2007 (database upload)

Version played: ???

Required port compatibility: Boom/Limit-removing

Levels: 5

Epic is one of the earlier WADs created by Eternal, who actually started posting WADs in 2007. Not only did this WAD earn one of the Cacowards but the author himself also earned the Mapper of the Year award; all in the same year, making it all look like he was just getting started. But we will have to play this WAD to see if it was all well deserved...

Spoilers: It was well deserved.

While it might not look as good as some of the other WADs released in 2007, Epic still looks great. And it’s mostly due to taking place in desert-like areas (with some jungle parts sprinkled here and there) that might give you ancient Egypt vibes. And since I’m a sucker for ancient shit, of course it would hook me in. The final map with the titular citadel is something worth seeing yourself.

Now, I’ve seen people calling this WAD an Egyptian one, but I’m not entirely sure about it, since the maps look like they have elements not only from Ancient Egypt but also from Mesoamerican civilizations. Not to mention some of the modern/army base-looking buildings here and there.

Music-wise... I think it’s all right. Nothing really to complain about, although I feel like the tracks for Sand-Storm and The Citadel are too short for such maps. Not to mention hearing Daedalus’ leitmotif so many times in the past that it gets infuriating.

These maps aren’t that complicated. You just need to remember that there are two moments on Arc of the Pendulum where you have to shoot a switch to progress.

Each map has something different to offer. A Fool's Paradise has you fighting somewhere that looks like a dock built near an ancient temple. Sand-Storm is a big, sprawling level where you can go to most of the locations in any order; you end up here by the teleporter in the previous map and you end up blowing the one from the other side, killing two poor shmucks in the blast radius. Arc of the Pendulum spends most of its time in some castle complex before ending up back in the jungle, near the train station that leads to the citadel. Helltrain makes you board the train at the end of the previous to get to the next map.

And of course, the titular Citadel, which on the foundation level is Sand-Storm again but on a bigger scale, but it tends to fresh it up, with six keys to find instead of three, a short visit to the Martian vessel, you even visit the titular building itself after taking care of the outdoor area surrounding it.

There is also one thing that doesn’t happen in the WAD – supposedly, it would make (at least some) hanging corpses destructible, like the hangmen Keens.

Now, I don’t really think Epic is hard. Sure, there are some tougher moments, but it never really felt like I was about to turn into the walking punching bag for demons. And even though there are cheap moments like with monsters hiding in corners/popping from the ground or hitscanners in the wide areas that don’t really have anything to hide from them, I think I can forgive the author for these for now since this was one of his earlier works (and the hitscanner thing happens rather rarely).

Some of the enemies get updated sprites. Hitscanners now wear different headgear per type, Imps are darker and have yellow eyes, and Revenants’ eye sockets are now green, reminiscing their Doom 3 variant.

Although I don’t remember encountering many bugs, the author recommends not playing the Citadel with the latest (at the time) version of PRBoom among other problems.

Epic might be unpolished in some places but I believe it’s one of those WADs that every Doom WAD enjoyer should play. It’s an excellent introduction to the man's work of Eternal (even if that’s not actually the first WAD he created), and it’s the biggest proof of why he was regarded as the best map maker of 2007.

Now, as for Community Chest 3, as I said at the start, I’ve decided that in the case of the community projects, I will play them the first time and gather the screenshots of where the secrets are/interesting locations between reviewing other WADs; in parts. By now I’m halfway done with CC3 secrets and I’ll try to finish searching for them before tackling The Ultimate Torment & Torture.

Until then, I’ll see you all next time.

Bye!

[memorymessage]

re: leaving instagram

i've noticed the subtleties in the transactional interactions on instagram.

if i'm not actively posting bodychecks, people start to forget my existence. even people i thought were genuinely reaching out to me to become friends—they seem to only want to talk to me if i've been posting photos of my body. they only like the stories that are of my body.

(not everybody. you know who you guys are, and i appreciate you endlessly.)

i'm not naïve or foolish—this is what i signed up for. this is what i get for: A: engaging with an app that is personal-photo-based in the first place, and B: fostering a mutual community of people with eating disorders.

i made my bed, now lie in it; i reap what i sow; i dug my own grave, etc, etc.

when i first made the account, i was rabid about posting photos every day. i had been private online for so long that i felt like i was breaking open a dam. i grew up on myspace. i had a camera in my own face every single day. but, after i transitioned as masc years later, i became ashamed of my feminine features. i only posted photos where i passed as masc well enough, which took great effort, make up, and some costume tricks (yes...i may have cut up hair extensions and made myself a beard). and, even then, i would get nervous about posting any photos at all—deathly afraid of my femininity.

there were a few instances where i would create fake social media accounts, give myself a fake name, and post pictures of myself dolled up as femme to the nines. an outlet to release the feminine side of myself without fear, but keeping the entity as far away from the "real" me as possible. but, even that was fake and untrue to myself—wearing makeup i never wore. wearing extensions that were shoved away, tangled, in a box.

i haven't been honestly myself in online spaces in many, many years.

this instagram account was the first time i truly let myself be... me.

but the novelty of posting pictures every day wore on me. i do still have an ed and bdd, after all.

especially when i reached my lowest weight of all time spring of last year. i felt like every picture i posted should be "perfect". the smaller i became, the more i scrutinized myself. looking even the slightest bit too large in any given angle was unacceptable.

the attention i got during that time was also at its peak.

and my mentality from that time regarding photos of myself never recovered.

my weight went up. it became harder and harder for me to want to take pictures. even when i would force myself to take pictures, it became harder to pick one i even wanted to post. not to mention, chronic illness has absolutely debilitated me the past year. most days, i am in bed, in pajamas, in no state (mind and body) to take photos.

and people started talking to me less and less, liking my posts less and less, viewing my stories less and less. the only time people would remember i existed is when i posted an acceptable bodycheck. then i would get a short-lived spike in people liking me again. only to die down until i posted my next check.

people weren't interested in my text posts, or the videos i would share. to put it plainly—people are not interested in me as a person.

why does this matter?

two reasons: it reinforces my bdd-based belief that i am only worth anything if i am thin and pretty. and... i was on myspace trying to be the next audrey kitching scene queen at age 10, meaning attention from others validating my very existence was interwoven into my young, developing brain. and there it yet remains.

and it's not just about other people. taking a good photo of myself gives me sense of pride and rejuvenation so immense that i'll never be able to explain. i assume that feeling also took root from the myspace scene queen days. a new pfp was everything back then, after all. i guess my brain still thinks it is.

my instagram account did not start like this. it used to be a small, casual little place where i would upload daily snaps. and it's sad this is where it has ended.

my insecure little delusions raveled up in themselves, tangling my body and leaving me motionless in fear of judgment. paralyzed.

in short: we're not having fun anymore, and i need to do myself a service and take responsibility for that.

i need to leave.

(for now.)

[iridescentxstars]

Come on in, take a seat, pick up a story and immerse yourself. While you're welcome to come and go as you please, here are some rules and guidelines, some little things to be aware of when diving into the abyss.

ೃ⁀➷ For those who know me, hello~ for those who don't, kia ora, my name is Star and I am your writer for the time you are here. I mostly write Kim Jongin and Bangchan fics but sometimes there are some other idols sprinkled in somewhere.

ೃ⁀➷ This account is for those 18+. If you are under the age of 18 and are still on my account — you will be blocked. Any blank blogs will also be blocked. Add a header, reblog posts, and engage with people — don't look like a Tumblr pornbot with a random name and no activity.

ೃ⁀➷ Always remember that I do this for free. My time and energy are unpaid, and everything that I do takes hours to create, so please remember that feedback and appreciation goes a long way.

ೃ⁀➷ Requests are taken now and again. Mostly, I will put up a poll for what shall be written next with small summaries but full requests themselves will not be accepted due to inspiration. Drabble games are the only exception but even then, not all submissions will be accepted.

ೃ⁀➷ Do not pressure me into writing something. Whether it's pushing to get a series completed or wanting a certain scenario, these will not be tolerated. You are allowed to show your support and excitement for something but there is a difference between "can't wait for the next part" and "when are you going to finish x chapter?"

ೃ⁀➷ As a growing writer, I am always experimenting with new ways of bringing stories to life. This can include but is not limited to: different tropes/AUs, lore, POV, reader insert, OC, and genres. Every story will provide details of what they contain so if you don't want to read something, you are warned at the very start.

ೃ⁀➷ I do not write for any members of Monsta X, married idols, idols involved in scandals, or anything that makes me personally uncomfortable.

ೃ⁀➷ While this account is a safe space for anyone who is over the age of 18, I will say that I am someone who writes based off of myself and my worldview. I do not write mxm, I try to avoid mentioning race, and I write majority fem characters. There is the odd occasion where my fics can be gender-neutral but for transparency, I do want to state this. I struggle to write things I cannot connect with, one day I may be able to but as of right now, if you are wanting specific aspects, I can recommend writers who do these amazingly instead.

ೃ⁀➷ Some of the stories I write may be triggering for some audiences. I try my best to trigger warn as much as I possibly can but there may be some things that I do not deem serious enough to warn or may not see as a trigger myself. Feel free to let me know of anything that I miss.

ೃ⁀➷ Any story that is rated [M] (mature), please automatically assume that it contains any of the following: drinking/smoking, swearing. I will not be warning about these.

ೃ⁀➷ I know that Tumblr is home of the 'reader-insert' community but as I have stated in the past, sometimes a story is better told (and easier to tell) with an OC. This may mean fully describing and naming the character or this may be as simple as only describing them. To those who may complain about this, please do remember that most books that you'll read in your life outside of fanfiction are all OC characters.

ೃ⁀➷ The best support you can give is feedback and reblogs. Likes do not help my stories get out there. Tell me what you like, what you loved, how you felt, whether in my ask box or commenting on the post, in the reblogs or screaming in the tags - it all means the world to me and pushes me to write more.

ೃ⁀➷ You are welcome to speak to me if you are inspired by something and want to create something to go with it e.g. video edits, gifs, continuations. Please speak to me before doing so and do not upload anywhere else without my permission.

ೃ⁀➷ Do not send hate. If you don't like me or my stories, block and move on. Any anon hate will simply be ignored and deleted. I'm too old for high school bullshit and will not engage in petty drama.

ೃ⁀➷ You are free to send criticism but make it constructive. Do not abuse your ability to give feedback that is not at all helpful.

ೃ⁀➷ Do not plagiarise my work. All my stories are copyrighted from the moment I created them. If I do have some similarities to other ideas, these are merely coincidental, and any direct inspiration will be credited.

Dividers credit to @firefly-graphics & @cafekitsune [amazing creators] Graphics/headers credits to @kwanisms

[sharifkhanmalan]

Past Historical Events

Welcome to Past Historical Events, the channel where you can learn about the past and how it shaped the present. Whether you are interested in ancient civilizations, world wars, or cultural movements, you will find something to satisfy your curiosity here.

I upload new videos every week, covering topics such as the origins of democracy, the rise and fall of empires, and the impact of historical figures. Join me on this journey through time and discover the stories behind the events that changed the world. Subscribe to @PastHistoricalEvents and don’t miss any of my videos!

Exploring Dark Pages of History: Kings Who Were Monsters, Greed & Imperialism, Rescue at Entebbe, and the Mecca of Sikhism

History, when viewed in its entirety, unfolds a narrative of triumph and tragedy, light and darkness. It is not only filled with glorious achievements and noble rulers but also with dark chapters shaped by greed, imperialism, and tyranny. Some historical events are better left forgotten, yet they are essential to our understanding of the human experience. In this article, we will examine the lives of kings who were monstrous in their actions, the deadly impact of addiction, greed, and imperialism on nations, the heroic rescue at Entebbe, and the sacred city of the Mecca of Sikhism. These events shaped the world in ways that still resonate today.

Kings Who Were Actually Monsters

History has witnessed some truly terrifying kings whose reigns were marked by cruelty, violence, and madness. These rulers, often deemed as "monsters" by historians, left indelible marks on their nations, wreaking havoc upon their subjects and spreading fear throughout their empires.

One such figure is King Vlad III of Wallachia, also known as Vlad the Impaler. Vlad is infamous for his brutal methods of punishing his enemies, including impaling them on large stakes, which earned him the title "Dracula." His reign in the 15th century was characterized by extreme cruelty, with thousands of men, women, and children falling victim to his gruesome tactics.

Another monstrous king in history was King Henry VIII of England. While Henry VIII is often remembered for his six marriages and the establishment of the Church of England, his reign was also marked by ruthless violence. He ordered the execution of his wives and close advisors, including Thomas More and Thomas Cromwell, simply to further his personal desires and political power. The bloodshed during his reign was enough to label him as a monster in the eyes of many.

Lastly, King Leopold II of Belgium stands as a notorious figure in the era of European imperialism. While he is remembered as the king who "owned" the Congo Free State, his actions in Africa were nothing short of monstrous. Under his rule, millions of Congolese were subjected to forced labor, torture, and death in pursuit of rubber and other resources. The atrocities committed under his regime remain one of the most horrific examples of colonial exploitation.

Addiction, Greed & Imperialism: The Price of Power

Addiction, greed, and imperialism have always been intertwined throughout history. The quest for power and wealth has led many rulers and empires to take drastic measures, often at the expense of human lives and dignity. The greed for resources, particularly in colonial periods, created systems of exploitation that continue to have long-lasting effects on the world today.

The concept of imperialism, or the expansion of a nation's power through colonization and domination, is inextricably linked to greed. European powers, during the Age of Imperialism, invaded various parts of the world, from Africa to Asia, to expand their territories. This insatiable thirst for power and wealth led to the exploitation of countless communities and civilizations.

In many cases, Addiction Greed & Imperialism  played a significant role in fueling imperialistic ventures. The Opium Wars between Britain and China in the 19th century are an excellent example of this. The British, driven by a desire for profit, illegally exported opium into China, causing widespread addiction among the population. When the Chinese government attempted to curb the opium trade, Britain waged war, eventually forcing China to open its ports and cede valuable territory. This addiction to profit, mirrored in many imperialistic ventures, wreaked havoc on both the colonized and the colonizers.

Similarly, the Atlantic Slave Trade is another chapter in history where greed and imperialism intersected with addiction to profit. European traders enslaved millions of Africans, forcing them into harsh labor on plantations in the Americas. The profit generated by the exploitation of these human beings fueled the economies of European powers, perpetuating a cycle of suffering and greed.

Rescue at Entebbe: A Tale of Heroism

One of the most significant military operations in modern history, the Rescue at Entebbe, serves as a reminder of the courage and determination required to face impossible odds. In 1976, a commercial flight from Tel Aviv to Paris was hijacked by two members of the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine – External Operations (PFLP-EO), along with two members of the German Revolutionary Cells. The plane was diverted to Entebbe, Uganda, where the hostages were held at the old terminal of the airport.

The hijackers, led by Wilfried Böse, demanded the release of 40 Palestinians imprisoned in Israel and 13 other detainees. Ugandan dictator Idi Amin, known for his brutal regime, supported the hijackers, offering them sanctuary in the country. While the world held its breath, Israel was faced with a critical decision: negotiate with the terrorists or undertake a daring military operation to free the hostages.

After days of intense negotiations, Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin authorized an elite unit of Israeli commandos, known as Sayeret Matkal, to execute a rescue operation. Despite the near-impossibility of the mission, the commandos stormed the airport terminal, neutralized the hijackers, and freed the hostages, all in under 90 minutes. The operation resulted in three hostages killed but is remembered as a triumph of courage, precision, and military brilliance. The Rescue at Entebbe remains one of the most successful hostage rescues in history, symbolizing Israel's commitment to the safety of its citizens.

Mecca of Sikhism: Amritsar and the Golden Temple

In the realm of religious and cultural significance, the Mecca of Sikhism, Amritsar, holds a sacred place in the hearts of millions of Sikhs worldwide. The city is home to the Golden Temple (also known as Harmandir Sahib), the most revered site in Sikhism. The Golden Temple is a symbol of spiritual enlightenment, humility, and equality, and it serves as a center of pilgrimage for Sikhs from around the globe.

Amritsar has a deep historical significance for Sikhs, dating back to the 16th century when Guru Arjan Dev, the fifth Sikh Guru, laid the foundation for the Golden Temple. The temple’s stunning architecture, golden façade, and serene surroundings make it an awe-inspiring sight. It is not only a place of worship but also a hub of community service, with the langar (free community kitchen) offering meals to thousands of people daily, regardless of their background or faith.

Throughout history, Amritsar has witnessed pivotal events in Sikh history, such as the Jallianwala Bagh Massacre in 1919, where British troops opened fire on unarmed civilians, killing hundreds. Despite the hardships and tragedies that have befallen the city, the spirit of Amritsar remains strong, symbolizing Sikh resilience and devotion to faith.

Conclusion

The history of humanity is filled with both darkness and light. From tyrannical kings and monstrous rulers to the horrors of greed, addiction, and imperialism, history’s pages often tell of pain and suffering. Yet, even in these dark times, there are stories of heroism, hope, and resilience, such as the daring rescue at Entebbe and the enduring spirit of the Mecca of Sikhism, Amritsar. Understanding these historical events allows us to learn from the past, honor the heroes, and acknowledge the mistakes that have shaped our world.

At Youtube.com@PastHistoricalEvents, we strive to bring these stories to light, providing in-depth discussions on history’s most defining moments. Whether you’re interested in the monstrous reign of Past Historical Events kings, the tragic effects of greed and addiction, or tales of courage and faith, our channel offers a unique and comprehensive look at the events that shaped our world.

Visit Here: - https://www.youtube.com/@PastHistoricalEvents

[benjaminlas]

Hugging Digital Festivity: How I Found the Perfect Avatar for Christmas Cheer

As the winter air whispers the approach of the holidays, memories of Christmases past envelop me like a warm blanket. The magic of the season fills my heart, and I find myself eager to share it with my online community. But how to convey that warmth, that palpable joy, through the cold, static screen? That's when I stumbled upon iFoto's PFP Maker, a tool that became my secret Santa, gifting me a way to spread festive cheer one avatar at a time.

You see, in the digital world, our profile pictures often act as the first impression, the avatar that represents us before we've had the chance to say a word. It's like the lights on a Christmas tree, drawing attention and setting the tone for the festivities. This holiday season, I yearned for my online presence to reflect the same twinkling happiness that dances in my eyes when I listen to carols or sip on eggnog by the fire.

One crisp evening, with my fingers wrapped around a mug of hot cocoa, I sat down and started playing with iFoto's PFP Maker. It was like stepping into an artist's studio, surrounded by every possible brushstroke and color palette, all at my disposal. I uploaded a simple selfie, nothing fancy, just me with the glow of the season in my heart. The tool's intuitive interface guided me through a myriad of themes, each more enchanting than the last.

I remember the exact moment when everything clicked into place. I chose a whimsical winter scene, complete with frosted pine trees and a starry sky. The magic happened when the PFP Maker seamlessly blended my photo with the selected theme, changing my everyday look into a piece of digital art that captured the essence of Christmas.

The result? A profile picture that didn't just represent me; it felt like a warm embrace, a digital hug for my friends and followers. It was as if my avatar had a personality, a story, a reason to smile. And isn't that what the holidays are all about? Sharing stories, creating memories, and spreading smiles?

As I uploaded my new avatar, I watched my social media feeds light up with curiosity and delight. Comments pouring in, friends messaging me, asking how I did it, where they could get one too. It filled me with a joy I hadn't anticipated, a sense of connection that bridged the gap between the physical and the digital. And I realized that's the beauty of iFoto's PFP Maker—it's not just about changing your appearance; it's about expressing yourself in a way that resonates with others.

Now, every time I log into my accounts, I see my friends and followers sporting their own festive avatars, each one unique, each one a beacon of holiday cheer. We're all part of this vast digital community, and through these personalized profile pictures, we're reminded of the shared moments that bring us together.

This Christmas, I'm not just sharing gifts or photos; I'm sharing a piece of the season's joy. And if you're looking to add a touch of festivity to your online persona, I'd encourage you to try iFoto's PFP Maker. Who knows, it might just become your favorite holiday tradition, a way to wrap your digital presence in the warmth and love that the season brings.

So, as you deck the halls and prepare for the festivities, consider giving your profile a little holiday facelift. It's a small change, but sometimes the smallest gestures are the ones that spread the most joy. After all, isn't the spirit of Christmas found in those little touches that make the season feel like home?

[radicalbotanicals]

Videogames as Simulation for Genetic Trauma

I have been a gamer my entire life, which is common for people of my generation, the medium growing and aging with us over the decades.   I remembered being 7 years old and my cousin thrusting a controller in my hand to play a game far too graphic and complicated for my underdeveloped mind to understand. The game in question was Resident Evil 4, an entry in several games following different heroes as they fight to survive against the failed experiments of a faceless corporation hell-bent on creating bioweapons without regard for how much damage they wreak on the world. Resident Evil is developed by Capcom, a Japanese company which would be intimately familiar with the themes of mass-destruction and body horror as is ever-present in Japanese culture for obvious reasons post-World War II. The ramifications of Hiroshima and Nagasaki have inspired Japanese media from Akira to Godzilla, and continues to influence creative works till this day as it shapes so much of modern Japanese identity.

It came as a surprise to me to come face to face with one of these games while experiencing Genetic Automata by Larry Achiampong and David Blandy at the Wellcome Collection this past week, particularly the 5th entry in the series which took place in a fictional state of Africa and featured zombie characters that unfortunately invoked a problematic racialised image that was immediately apparent to American audiences. Capcom tried to rectify the situation by adding zombies of different races to the hordes of NPCs, but the damage was done, and game was deemed “controversial” by news sources and players alike.  What we have in the second video series “A Lament for Power” is the tale of Henrietta Lacks a story that I was familiar with prior to viewing the video but was recontextualised by the visuals and thought-provoking statements of the video. Henrietta is speaking to us, sounding calm, but disappointed, as her very cells were used again and again and again for various scientific experiments that have borne much fruit and have saved countless lives. Her cells are perhaps the most unique in the world, as they can replicate infinitely. This is represented by a digitised blank city, slowly being enveloped by this massive black dome, her cells multiplying with no stop in sight. These sequences are intercut with the African zombies of Resident Evil 5 – diseased and malicious looking but being re-purposed to emphasise how black bodies are treated as fodder for our world’s betterment.  In Resident Evil 5, you shoot these NPCs, no questions asked, and their state is once again a sacrifice for the villain’s (a white man) “higher plan” which is to become a god. Both the hero and the villain alike both treat the NPCs the same, as insignificant, as a by-product, as a means to an end….which is eerily similar to how our real-life medical community has always treated black bodies, despite the reason being cited as “for the greater good”.

The other exhibition, Third World: The Bottom Dimension, was an interactive experience that spoke to the gamer in me, though it did not play by rules I was used to. A reality created with afro-indigenous experiences in mind, I found myself wading through a cold world where my character, an amorphous humanoid figure, was forced to repeat the same tasks repeatedly, harvesting crystals in a finite amount. I likened it to the destruction of Brazil’s beautiful lands and the colonisation of their culture into one streamlined and deemed “acceptable” by the hegemonic masses.  The fact that you are doomed to repeat the cycle, being asked “Have you seen everything?” made me believe the trauma was becoming ingrained, and recording it was like creating a digital memory of the very damage being done, uploaded to a shared neural network.

It was reminiscent of a project I had encountered back in Toronto for the ImagineNATIVE festival in 2018. I played several games featuring imagined realities based on indigenous myths, some stories retelling the trauma experienced by various peoples, one was an attempt to teach a new generation the Ojibwe language through interactive VR, a response again to the alteration and erasure of an entire people’s way of life, again inflicting a sort of lasting brand upon the very DNA of those shared peoples.

Genetic trauma is something we should continue to investigate, and I believe videogames are perhaps one of the best mediums to impart these experiences upon people. The interactive nature automatically puts the player in the position of both being in control and unable to fight against the outcomes programmed into the game. It creates a deep link between the characters and players that is hard to forget once the game ends. I can think of several games that already explore this topic, one being the Metal Gear Solid series, which was also part of Genetic Automata’s assemblage. It asks the question of what if one’s existence did not belong to them, instead as a tool to be used for the purpose of shadow organizations beyond their understanding in wars they have no choice but to fight in. What if you were the weapon, and your DNA was carefully cultivated as the clone of the perfect soldier? Not only that, but what if your max life was artificially meant to end before 40 years old? Again, coming from a Japanese game studio, you can see why so many creatives are asking these questions.

A meme describing the different soldiers pertinent to the series (Unknown source). The game is steeped in political conspiracy and meta-physical philosophy.

I think we will see more and more games of this type being developed, and the ability to remix existing content to recontextualize it such as seen in Genetic Automata, is a powerful tool indeed. The digital world acts as a simulation we can enter at anytime, a sandbox we can shape into empires and dystopias of our choosing.  I believe experiencing both ends of the spectrum is important, and I am perhaps a testament to how videogames have shaped my identity and made me question my own genetic trauma passed down by my indigenous ancestors.

[keefiswhoiam]

July 22 - 2023 Saturday

10:31 AM

I don’t think it wise to draw comparisons between current dynamics and old ones but I can’t help but notice similarities sometimes. My ex and I were in a situation where he clamored for my attention but I didn’t want to give it to him. In my case it’s because he made me feel uneasy and guilty for not being everything he wanted me to be. My strategy to deal with him was to not entertain is behavior or requests but he never let up. Sometimes I feel like I’m in his position, simply being put up with until it gets too much for them or I settle down. Of course people are different and I could be misinterpreting behavior. IF it is true though, it might not be a total loss. I have the experience to know that I do need to lessen my grip and lighten up. Thats what I wanted him to do at least. 

This is also my first time openly acknowledging said individual as my ex. As much as I don’t want to admit that we were technically dating and everything fell through, thats what happened. It’s the reality of my past. 

8:33 AM (The Next Day)

Forgot again to journal because last night was drinkin night. 

Yesterday my intent was to keep busy no matter what so my thoughts didn’t get too out of hand. I was mostly successful, I actually consider yesterday to have been a good day for once. Breakfast was some potstickers and a poptart. In the morning I worked on fixing the image compression in my VRchat furry world and adding new pics to the gallery for about 30 minutes. I did a couple other random little things I don’t really remember. I watched some more of the Chris Chan documentary while I was busy. I remember getting horny enough midday to message my friend but it was mostly to distract myself from my commonly upset midday tummy so I deleted it before she read it hopefully. I wasn’t actually able to follow up with that request even if I wanted so that would have been irresponsible. Lunch was spaghetti and meatballs. For the afternoon I spent a few hours finishing up my bathroom world in David’s server. I finally finished it so I’m happy to move onto other projects finally. As I was finishing up, my friends were down to watch the first Rugrats movie so we did that while I was uploading the world. It was a good movie. Afterwards I really wanted to get in VR so I could check out the world and make it a little surprise so we did that. BUT I somehow overlooked the fact that NONE of the animations were global which really put a damper on my experience for awhile. Most of the night I was thinking about how I’m gonna fix this instead of just enjoying my time. I did have a lot of fun though. I was trying to request a little along time with my friend but I can’t tell if she was avoiding that or didn’t see what I was trying to say. After she went to bed I focused on fixing the world’s networking which I did fairly easily but then I had an issue where the particles were all black which took me 40 minutes to realize it needed a Unity restart to fix. Now the only problem is that animations aren’t buffered for late joiners so there can be some de-sync with the animations but it’s not a massive problem. I also stayed up until 2 am because I got too horny, I wish I hadn’t. I really don’t like how horny I can get being a guy. 

I’ve been trying to make my desires known to others instead of bottling things up and expecting them to be mind readers. I’d much rather have a yes or no answer instead of dropping hints trying to determine if they are ignoring me or not picking up on the hints. I think it’s a toxic thing I do to avoid direct communication. It’s an exercise in self respect to tell someone exactly what I want from them and accept whether they want to give it or not.