#and i really dont want that to be lost in all the Discourse surrounding it

[absolutebl]

Hi!

I love your Blog and love to read your takes in everything. So thank you so much for all your Posts and thoughts about the industry etc.

Here is my question: i came across one of your posts where you wrote "actually gay, not bl gay" (it was a Post about Jojo and Only Friends) and while I FELT that I TOTALLY understood what you meant and instantly was like "yes 100% clear" Id love to read and learn more about what this means exactly and why some bls feel quite heteronormative while some dont. Would you mind explain the take on "actually gay Not Bl gay" a little bit? And why some Shows feel just more queer than others (besides the unbelievable stupid "gay only for you" trope lol)

Thank you so much and I hope you will have a nice day!

actually gay, not bl gay

There's actually quite a discourse on this right now mostly originating with @waitmyturtles and @wen-kexing-apologist (Post @killiru references above is here.)

I tend to mostly talk about this in broad brush strokes as a queer lens.

But there's a great ven diagram (which of course I've lost the link to) that approaches the idea of and queer lens by tunneling into its approach and intent:

about queers

by queers

for queers

How do different BLs intersect in different ways with these three elements?

When I said "actually gay, not BL gay" I was alluding to this discourse. Specifically the "about queers" category of BL.

There are characters in BL who read as genuinely gay (as in belonging to the queer family of this terrible reality we live in) and then there are those that seem more performative (to exist in a bubble of fantasy were sexual identity is almost unimportant, only the romance matters, everything is safe sweetness & light). For some queers this can read as manipulative or even exploitive (because it is inauthentic to most queer experiences). For me, it's fine... even desirable. I like the safe bubble. I enjoy the utter delusional escapism of it. Sometimes I will call this sanitized gay. (Since it is designed to make gay palatable to non-gay identified folks e.g. seme/uke.)

A sanitized gay BL may be unintentional but it is nested in origin yaoi and mm romance whose target market has never been the queer community, and whose authors have historically not been members of it, either.

Let's be frank, we queers are generally a terrible target market, we don't have enough spending power - especially not for a piece of pop culture as niched as BL. And as creators we really want our voices to be heard (obvs), which makes us produce content that those unsympathetic or uncaring find uncomfortable. (Yes, I know, fuck them, but also, they have all the money and the entertainment industry is a numbers game.)

So in the arena of office romances, just as an example:

actually gay = The New Employee

sanitized gay = Our Dating Sim

actual gay = Step By Step

sanitized gay = A Boss And a Babe

All of the above have the same tropes, archetypes, and premises. All of them are BL. Some are just... queerer feeling than others. And the characters in those shows (Step by Step and The New Employee) read as more "actually gay."

This has nothing to do with the actors, chemsitry, or how much we may personally like the show (Our Dating Sim is one of my absolute favorite BLs). It has to do with how closely those CHARACTERS intersect with the reality of queerness as we inhabit it today. It will be lots of little touches given to the drama by director and script:

language use,

surrounding friendships (and friendship style),

mannerisms and physicality (specially body language around straights vs other queer characters),

makeup & wardrobe,

facial expressions,

surrounding queer-coded behaviors by side characters,

layers of story nuance that indicate a complicated queer-driven back story.

Markers of specifically a queer identity are given to the leads.

These kinds of BLs are satisfying the "about queers" category. ("By queers" can be difficult to extract because IRL outting is involved. "For queers" is the rarest kind of BL, because making something specifically for us often alienates the majority of the rest of viewership/market. I could be argued that SCOY did this.)

I'm sure I've missed things, but I hope that kinda makes sense?

By/For/About discourse from @wen-kexing-apologist here:

Parts 1

Part 2

Part 3

I'm indebted to them for the links!

More Queer Stuff from Yours Truly

BL Linguistics & Queer Identity - I Am Gay versus I Like Men 

Will BL Get More Honestly Queer? 

Queer lens (from the director) and chemistry (from the actors) in BL (A Tale of Thousand Stars)

Touch & Daisy in Secret Crush On You - Queer Coded Language and 3rd Gender Identity

BL in Taiwan & Gay Marriage

Debating Queerbaiting in BL ( + Devil Judge... is it queerbaiting?) 

BL Actors and the Assumption of Queerness - outing actors, coming out, being out, more:  Is that BL actor actually queer?

So is it really fetishization? straight women loving bl 

Some BL fans are sasaengs, and it’s a problem in this fandom 

BLs That Highlight How Society Treats Queers

10 BLs That Are Honest to a Queer Experience 

(source)

[mediapiays]

i'm saying this as someone who came to change my mind on him a lot during chap2, but i don't think he's responsible for tkkrs insane behavior or jkkrs either or at least i'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt and not think that the person jimin sees as a friend is someone who wants to set him up for hate and deliberatly does those things. Honestly i dont think a lot of the members are aware of what goes on very deep into the fandom including stantwt fanwars shipwars all of that. But on the other hand my distate when it comes to him has more to do with his character on its own and what he showed, i dont think he's a bad person per see but i do think he's extremely emotionally immature, at times gets lost within his own character and how he forces himself to look a certain way and the whole #coolgate period he was going through during his solo era, he's not grounded and truly if it wasnt for jimin all those years and some of the other members he would've turned out the same way as jay park imo or someone like that, and its like once chap2 started and he wasn't grounded by the members and influenced by them (because yeah he's a sponge and easily influenced by his surroundings) it instantly showed and it didnt help that the person who was around him the most was tae and the wooga sqaud (do i need to say more about that) i srsly think he's more likeable in a jimin context but outside of that and even far from that jimin influence he has so many flaws and characteristics to him that are very annoying including the army parasocial relationship feeding (but if anything thats harmful to him and i dont really give af about that cause im not the target audience anyway).

If jimin can be accused of fanservice for acting how he does with everybody then I can question whenever jk cherry picks comments to read out in lives that start annoying discourse!

[cosmossystem]

theres.. gatekeeping in the objectum community?? HUH?????? why do all the weirdo communities have infighting(?) like alterhumans/therians too over physical nonhumans and such, like DUDE can we just be nice please. also is it just me or do dnis just seem kinda,, sucky. like they dont do anything and i feel like if someone has moral ocd or something that might not.. be good 4 them? (i dont have ocd or know anyone who does but from what ive heard, i may be wrong so correct me if so) curious ur opinion :3

Oh yes, do i have an opinion!

yeah, there is gatekeeping, if you can believe it. i figured the Last place that would have infighting is the place where freaks post about wanting to fuck an AMD Radeon RX 580 8GB Sapphire Nitro+ Special Edition (rightfully so, that thing is attractive).

wait until you see what they say about being "REALLY objectum and not like those Other Fakers who wouldn't Actually fuck their object of attraction" -- a barf mentality to have. especially because there seems to be the idea that all objectums are posic or even capable of loving their OoA period--i'm not posic (it's complicated, ask about it) and conceptum people exist! the superiority complex is just.......................... wow.

really i don't get it either. if you try to explain to a "normal" person that you think Objecthead is Hot they're going to look at you with the most disgust and disdain they can muster. when society can't even handle a furry of all things, i highly doubt they can handle more obscure freaks like toaster-fuckers or god forbid, People Who Think Vox (Hazbin Hotel) Is Hot. mind you this is the same society that went insane over people wanting to fuck bill cipher or mettaton's box form or SANS THE SKELETON (i was that kind of person, i should know how they treated us.)

and i guess it is kind of different when you're speaking about fictional characters vs Actual real life objects. but like... do you think the disgust is any different? do you think they care if you want to fuck sans, or Foxy Fnaf 1, or edgar electric dreams, or an anthro rabbit, or an mlp plush, or an inflatable doll, or my boyfriend the AT&T Unix PC (1985)? it comes from the same place: perceived sexual deviance. also see homophobia and anti-kink arguments, etc. you get it.

if you're noticing parallels between the infighting in these communities (objectum, self-ship, kinmunities) and with what other minorities go through, such as the Ace Discourse of 2018, or the whole pan exclusionism making its waves again, or the current hot topic "are intersex people queer" thing, or the existence of "cripplepunks"... yeah. that's exactly it. It's all the same argument over and over again. take it from someone who's been surrounded by it for an entire fucking decade. Cishet purtian society has instilled those problems in us. Again, see: same picture. it's kinda why i left system & kin spaces in the first place, honestly. to see that it's STILL HERE is just.... makes me want to die again.

i could go on about how that behavior stems from wanting to protect their spaces, and also from a sense of superiority because these outsiders cannot Possibly Image what it's like to be xyz (especially when it comes to white people who are just experiencing oppression for the first time--from experience, again, that's something i had to unlearn) but... you get it. These people have lost the plot and want a reason to argue with everyone.

And i'm tired. If you're a freak, you're a freak, and that's good enough for me. really we all experience the same things, we should just kiss.

and as for the second point: yes. you're right. dnis are sucky especially if you have moral ocd. now i don't struggle with moral ocd as much these days but back in the days of yore when we were at peak ocd-"bpd" (avpd) badness, it was gruesome.

red in particular was the one to make us fully switch over from anti-ship to "do whatever you want" and that's because he was dealing with a lot of intrusive thoughts *and* exotrauma. he was already going through all that, trying to process and realize that his thoughts didn't make him a bad person, and you know what made it worse? the whole "FREAKS DNI I WILL KILL YOU WITH A CHAINSAW" thing. imagine trying to realize that your trauma response doesn't make you hilter reincarnate and then having people yelling down your throat that It Does, Actually.

it isn't bad enough that ppl with ocd already obsess over thoughts being equal to actions, and they want to REAFFIRM THAT??? you know, the thing EVERY therapist tells you NOT TO DO?

our ocd back then was so terrible. it was like "you remember that rape that happened to you? ok so now imagine if you were actually satan for wanting it to happen again bc you are btw. you should cut everyone off because of this, clearly you don't deserve humanity." it still lingers around really, just looks different.

i can't imagine what it's like for someone with it worse than us. i've seen a lot of them talk about how if they can't prove that it is Absolutely 100% Ok To Do Something then they just suffer and don't do it-- which is a general ocd thing, yes (i do that with my fire obsessions) but in the context of social media? where you basically cannot prevent interaction with people who want to burn you at the stake? Eughhhhhhh. le sigh. i don't wish this pain on anyone.

I was actually going to make a post about this (still am) but you've reminded me: from what i can tell from trying to look for objectum blogs to follow, there is a REALLY big overlap between antishippers and objectums? ... WHY?????? Oh, like you're better for wanting to fuck the concept of melancholy, and i'm Evil for my aforementioned FAKE cousinfuckers? Excuse me? bitch we are the same!!!!!!! get a grip!!!!!! why do you tell ME to go to therapy? yours aint real either! i can only laugh, really. that's how stupid it is.

side tangent here (this whole post is) but even without ocd it's like... you know that won't stop anyone, right? i can just. follow your blog. you probably won't even notice. Shit, i check our followers constantly and absolutely notice when someone breaks my (or their own!) dni and half the time i just let them be unless they're a total cunt about it. Anti wants to follow me? Hey, don't say i didn't warn you when i post about my favorite cousinfuckers. that's a you problem! you should read better!

i get the convenience of saying "don't follow me if you disagree because i'm trying to prevent drama", but most of the time they don't do that.

moreso i think dnis are supposed to be some Grand Declaration Of Morality. like ew no i would never support those things! so i'm going to Do A Performative, and put the onus on the Big Bad People to not follow me. because i believe in them enough to follow my boundaries!........ right. like a terf/pedo/exclusionist has ever listened to the word "no" before. being in places they don't belong is like, the primary purpose of those people.

but mostly it's a warning. Then they can say that when I, Big Bad Proshipper, follow them by mistake, they can use that as an excuse to post about me and publicly execute me in the Town Square- i mean to their followers.

it's an excuse. that's all it is. an excuse to be like "this is what i support/don't support and if you don't agree with me, oops! i get full reign to cyberbully you." a warning that it will happen, and an excuse for when it does.

I have to wonder how these people deal with community members in real life. I was talking to some people who share my interests irl recently and in the back of my head was the little voice saying, they probably hate me for being into darkfic / objectum / neopronouns / plural / etc. That's how deeply it runs. ughhhh.

Without having a pre-emptive warning to read before talking to someone, you have to actually *try*, and i think that's something these reactionaries both take for granted and uh... aren't too concerned about? which they should be. Like how are you going to deal with getting to know someone only to find out that in their spare time, they get horny for fictional robots? are you going to be normal? or are you going to make it their problem instead? Are you capable of being normal to people? If you got to know me, would you act like the fascists who want us both dead? I hope not. I wish i didn't have to worry about people finding out that i'm objectum / plural / darkfic / etc. I wish that was ok to talk about.

really i don't think dnis help anyone and just perpetrate the idea of being a reactionary. That's all.

Anyway. thanks for the ask. i was having a shit morning so being able to bitch for a while made me feel better. Feel free to let me bitch again.

-cass

[blackbutterflypriestess]

Tag Game: 9 Favorite Characters

Every time I escape the hole @pillowfriendly is there to pull me back in. Stole her rules of sticking to one character per franchise.

Daeran Arendae - Wrath of the Righteous

Hedonist. Ethically bankrupt. Walking problematic. I love him. Best romance subplot in an rpg as he actually tries to woo the player. Love doesn't change him but he changes for love. When he ascends to godhood he actively ignores prayers but smites those who talk any shit about his spouse. Has a traumatic backstory as expected but doesn't neuter his character or development.

Bayonetta - Bayonetta

Tells all the gods above and the demons below to fuck off with a combination of high caliber and fem. There has always been a lot of discourse around her but I honest love that there's a female character whose femininity solely for herself and not in-spite of how much ass she kicks. She's an icon and I wish I could pull off purple eye shadow like that.

Raven - Gravity Rush

Goth girl with the power to manipulate gravity's effect on her and the surrounding area. Not super complex as a character but something about her design and dead-pan personality has always stuck with me. Also has a great enemies to not-explicit-but-I-mean-come-on-it's-obviously-sapphic-coded relationship with the main character Kat.

A2 - Nier Automata

Definition of suffering from success. The only survivor of the ill-fated YoRHa Pear Harbor descents and so good at her job that future YoRHa models were based on her. Absolutely lost her shit when her girlfriend died and began a one-woman crusade against the machine beings. We stan a woman with goals. When other characters are blowing themselves (and their skirts) up as their ultimate move, A2 just goes sicko mode. We're introduced to her when she murders a baby but does it count if the baby was also a robot and also super old? I will never forgive FFXIV for not including her in the Shadowbringers raid story.

Balalaika - Black Lagoon

Afghan War USSR Sniper turned leader of the Russian mob in Thailand. Is and always will be my go to template for the "motherly villain" archetype. I believe that scientifically they are known as the "Dommy Mommy." Watching unambiguously evil characters still be humans is always fun.

Leon S. Kennedy - Resident Evil

Our baby boy. Even when he's super-serious-government-agent-man he just serves so much golden retriever energy. Resident Evil is at its best when it treats the zombie survival scenario seriously but adds a dash of levity and one-liners to its characters. Leon embodies that.

Beatrice - Umineko no Naku Koro Ni

Beatrice is the culmination of my weird addiction to characters with unhealthy love languages. Reality warping witch born from the existentialism that comes with trauma that plays horrific death games with the family of the man she loves all as a means to communicate with him where words fail? Yes please.

Faith Connors - Mirror's Edge

Mirror's Edge is one of my favorite games of all time. The use of color, sound effects, and music always made me feel like I was seeing The City specifically as Faith sees it. This connection created a deeper bond and feeling of embodiment than other first-person games, especially at that time. Her story may not be the deepest or most complex but is so memorable. Plus I still really want her tattoo. The King in Yellow/Hastur - Various Horror Contexts

There's something so fascinating about the horror of The King in Yellow. Consumption brought on by enui, the loss of an artist to unreality, the fear that a single, sound, word, symbol, or thought could poison and entire society. Remember! DONT. SAY. HIS. NAME. Honorable Mentions:

The Princess - Slay the Princess Eda - Black Lagoon Monica - Hooky Neon Red - Neon White I have now completed my eldritch bargain with @pillowfriendly. @gunkreads I don't know if you fully comprehend what you have awoken. @iwishtobeafish, @notimpossibell, @crowbandit your ritual sacrifices are required.

[frozenstyx]

I think it’s fair to say that everybody who buys a ticket for Captain Marvel does so ready for ‘feminist themes’.  Marvel has been leaning heavily on the the Lady of it all - the marketing clearly drawing attention to it and the release date falling on International Women’s Day. This wasn’t subtle. The cynical part of my brain that knows full well that this is a business move on the part of the studio can’t help but feel a little uncomfortable with it - much like in the run up to Jody Whittaker’s first episode as The Doctor, the marketing sometimes felt a little self-congratulatory. Acknowledging that they have finally, at long last, given a woman a shout, also acknowledges that they didn’t, for a long damn time. And yes, the film itself also contains a few on-the-nose Girl Power! moments that, again, didn’t go in for subtlety. But there are two points that the inevitable criticism the usual parties will level at this bring up for me, that I think is important to mention.

CAPTAIN MARVEL SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

(Before I begin - this movie wasn’t an absolutely perfect, tightly-made example of cinema that has absolutely zero flaws and is beyond all criticism. It did have flaws. But these things, for me, were pretty trifling. Things like the clunky infodump of exposition right at the beginning - things of that nature that could have been done better but overall didn’t diminish my enjoyment of the film. I’m not attempting to hold this up as something sacred, or guilt anyone into feeling like they can’t criticise elements they didn’t like.)

First off - yes, a major theme throughout this movie is that of the female experience. And yes, they do not go in for a subtle, clever approach. Those Girl Power! moments are clearly signposted - Carol’s big, climatic fight scene to No Doubt’s I’m Just a Girl and the ‘smile, honey’ scene being two that immediately spring to mind. But, actually, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I think something that gets lost in all the analysis and discourse surrounding the MCU, and superhero movies in general, is that these are family films. These films have to have stories and messages that can be interpreted by children.Not that I believe in talking down to kids, definitely not, but social context can sometimes be lost on them. This is why re-watching childhood favourites often reveals troubling things that you never picked up on as a child. Honestly, I would much rather these movies by a little on-the-nose to an adult eye and allow children to be fully engaged with the message, then try to get too clever and have the context the stories are coming from be completely lost on the young audience. Any oh-so-intellectual adult that complains about this movie sledgehammering it’s message: yeah, it did. But it wasn’t for you. When Monica watches her Auntie Carol fly off with a smile on her face? That’s who it’s for. Because even my 27 year old self - that knows that having Carol single-handedly take down a crowd of enemies to a banging No Doubt track is a little contrived - was still emotionally reacting with a very sincere hell yeah. And the fact that the movie, and the marketing, refused to let up on the feminist angle was something that already brought so much criticism to the movie kind of proves the point that these things still need to be hammered home. That so many people, particularly men, are immediately put off by the idea that this movie wasn’t going to allow them to forget that Carol is a woman and sexism exists is so revealing - just like the reaction after Fury Road when men felt ‘cheated’ when it turned out the female characters were the main focus, and not just the set dress they are usually in those types of films, to be saved by Tom Hardy and his manly manly muscles. That these people not just have these reactions, but don’t even think to examine why they have them, is proof that we’re not yet at a point where a female-led superhero movie can happen without comment. Let it be unapologetically obvious in what it’s doing, let is draw unavoidable attention to not just what it is, but what other superhero films aren’t.

And to the second point - while the female experience is a major theme, it is not the only theme. Feminism, as explored in this movie, kind of acts as a bedrock for a wider theme of the treatment of all minorities by dominant power structures and institutions. Carol’s relationship with the Kree has moments that are explicitly about the treatment of women in patriarchal societies, yes - Yon-Rogg calmly explaining to Carol that she is too emotional to be allowed power or agency, that she has to be controlled for her own good is probably the biggest example of this. But once the truth is revealed, both about Carol and the major twist of the Skrull actually being refugees rather than aggressors, the whole thing becomes something of an allegory for how real world minorities are treated, and kept as minorities, by real world powers. When Yon-Rogg tries to convince Carol is ‘turn off’ her powers and prove that she can fight him without them, what he is saying is that in order for her to be worthy of respect, she has to play the game according to the rules he has decided on, rules that they both know give him the advantage. Is this not how all minorities are made to feel at point or another? Make yourself less, be less obvious, blend in, make yourself weaker, make yourself less of a threat to me or my position, and only then will we, maybe, grant you respect. One of the universal experiences belonging to every minority group is constantly having to adapt and moderate your behaviour for the comfort of others. All are expected to go to sometimes great lengths to be nonthreatening and unchallenging.

The fact that Carol is repeatedly told that her power has been ‘given’ and can be ‘taken away’ - even when she knows that this is a lie - is a very clear mirror of that. That’s why it’s so satisfying when Carol doesn’t submit and hits him with the full force of her power - not just because it’s a rejection of a pretty frustrating trope, but because of what she says to him; “I have nothing to prove to you.” She refuses to be any less than her full self to give him the illusion of being better than her or allow him an advantage he hasn’t earned. It’s what her World of Cardboard speech is about - “I’ve been fighting with one hand tied behind my back. What happens now I’m free?” (paraphrasing there, forgive me). And ultimately, what this movie seems to be championing is oppressed and marginalised people standing together to support and protect one another. Maria’s love for Carol comes from the fact that she stood with her and supported her as a single mother and a career woman (of colour, no less), that she believed she could be both a strong professional and a nurturing mother at the same time. The weakened Skrull survive because of those with strength that see what is happening to them and stand up against it. This point really hit home for me when it’s shown how Carol was the major inspiration for Fury in creating the Avengers initiative - that the original name was ‘Protector’, that the name ‘Avenger’ came from Carol’s aviator callsign. The initiative was built upon the idea of protecting the people of earth from more powerful aggressors, of people with strength and power using it defend those without.

   Basically what this ramble was trying to say - feminism is a clear, signposted, smack-you-in-the-face theme throughout this movie, but that’s lack of subtlety isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and the story very much seems to be concerned with the experience of being a ‘minority’, of everyone that is held down by the established powers maintaining their position of privilege, being told that they aren’t as strong, aren’t as important, that they should be grateful for table scraps - that their stories can’t sell movies. And if you were so preoccupied being offended about feminism to even notice the rest, then buddy, this movie was never for you to begin with.

[crushing-on-nico-di-angelo]

hey i know you’re a minor so dont see this as me calling you out or correcting you or anything because you didnt do anything wrong!! i just wanted to tell you to please research mogai identities and how they are harmful to the lgbt community. it sucks seeing them on my dash, especially on the first day of pride month but i’m absolutely not blaming you!!! thank you

hello! I adore this ask, thank you for sending it to me! and I'd also like to thank you for the respectful tone you used when sending this, that was very nice!!

I talk about this alot but mainly on my other blog so I can understand not knowing this, but I Am Genderflux/fluid (still figuring that out) I Am Achillean and Sapphic, and I Am a Demiboy. I'm Queer. I identify under MOGAI terms.

But trust me, I wasn't always this way. when I was 12 and 13 years old, I identified as simply a bi trans boy. I was really into the discourse surrounding people in the MOGAI community (as well as transmeds and truscum and all that). I watched Kalvin Garrah all the time. I also harbored a lot of anxiety and a small bit of depression at this time. Mainly due to other things going on in my life but partially due to the fact that I wasn't trans "the right way"

I started closer examining myself and the discourse I was into. I realized: it doesn't harm me whatsoever.

the main argument I see over MOGAI discourse is that we (the lgbt community) won't be "taken seriously" by our oppressors. if they don't take "them" seriously, it won't be hard for them to just be homophobic in general.

But why would them being homophobic or transphobic have conditions? why can't they just not be those things?

I get it, it can be frustrating seeing people not do things the right way (different topic but similar sentiment). it makes things look worse for you, or at least it feels like it does.

however, in doing my research throughout those years of my life (and still today, when I read through exclus blogs and inclus blogs), I discovered that people are going to find excuses to be homophobic etc no matter what. Nothing I do with my own identity will fix or change that.

warning, I'm about to get a little negative in this next paragraph.

They're killing us out there. we have it better in the United States than in other countries, but everywhere in the world including where I live, they're killing us. they're "converting us." Their mindset is having us kill ourselves. I have nearly lost at least half of my friends to homophobia(luckily they're all alive and well, but there were too many close calls)-- some of them you might consider mogai, some not. Homophobia discriminates against all lgbtq+ people.

I think that making sure everyone knows they're welcome is a lot better to the lgbt community than anything else that I could say to them.

I Am An Inclusionary blog. I always will be. Anyone outside the norm who either has attraction to more than just the "other" gender (or no attraction at all!!) and/or identifies as something different than their agab-- thus is a safe space for you.

again anon, thank you for the respectful tone you used. I hope I also sounded respectful in this because I honestly do understand where you're coming from. I hope you have a great day and a happy pride month

[electricprincess96]

i think people critically analyze 3h so much is bc of the four routes, and that fates was bashed so much in the beginning. people were saying "well its not fates," for literal years ppl were made fun of liking it. now the 3h honeymoon phase is over & ppl are seeing... its not really different from past FEs. not groundbreaking, not terrible. its a solid game. i think its out of love for it that i wish it was so much more. dont let others make you feel bad anon, only you have a say in that c:

Oh absolutely part of the analysis surrounding 3H is partly a push back at the people who hail it as a return to form (if by you mean kinda mediocre writing on top of a game that is basically anime chess then sure its a return to form I guess) and acting like it's the best written story because of DATES and CONTINENT HAS A NAME. And shit like that. A lot of the issues with 3H could be solved by not having 4 (FOUR?!) routes where the first half of every route gameplay wise is almost identical with 1 exception and 2 of the routes are almost entirely identical with minor differences.

As for the plot issues many of them stem from just not having a continuity guy and the plots overall obsession with mysteries and red herrings. A lot of the stories intention was lost with its translation into English, the Buddhist elements being lost thus Byleths being mostly an Avatar of the Gods (Sothis) who reaches Nirvana and who's destiny was to lead Fodlan into Light and how Crimson Flower is meant to show Byleth losing Nirvana, crashing back down into the cycle of suffering because they indulged in Ignorance and were led astray by Edelgard and instead leads Edelgard into Light but condemns Fodlan to Darkness.

All of that. Thats cool, that's interesting, arguably that's not necessarily executed brilliantly even in Japanese but it's there moreso in Japanese and the localisation definitely lost a lot of this element partly because Buddhism just isn't a major religion in the West so we'd struggle to notice the tells right off the bat anyway but also just because in some places the localisation just didn't do a good enough job portraying it.

A lot of people have been embittered because Edelstans claimed 3H was masterfully written and used arguably 3H worst written characters as proof, because the discourse for so long centred around the arguably worst written route and characters we've been forced to constantly come to terms with the worst written aspects of the game and that's left a lot of us just overall sour on the game. Coupled with the fact IS seemed to have wanted to almost drop this thing like a hot potato once the DLC was finished and it just leaves many of us looking at the whole situation and thinking "well... this could have gone a lot better"

But as I say above, while I will argue objectively the games poorly written, its got such interesting ideas and the characters for the most part are fun and I like them and the mechanics aren't any worse than previous titles so as a game I enjoyed it, even if I'm burned out on it right now. Its completely OK to enjoy it and admit its not the greatest game ever made. Or fuck you don't even need to admit that, you can just say you you enjoy it and you don't really care what anyone else says cause our opinion should affect your enjoyment of the game.

[ohsweetflips]

Got whiplash when u rbed my post (I'm op) like sbehbd but also yes!! People wanted a new dm and when they got a new dm, some were just like ':/ yes, but why Travis???'. It really goes to show how people can't stand change even if they asked for it. 😒😒

(i would prefer if this wasn’t reblogged, i’m merely stating opinions and observations and, at the end of the day, i don’t want to fight strangers on the internet)

it was a very good post!!!! but yeah like...... i’ve really only heard abt the taz grad “discourse” stuff and not seen it, but like? listen, people are gonna like what they want to like, and dislike what they want to dislike, but also........ you gotta give travis time. i’ve only dm’d like three or four times but from those three or four times alone i can say that it’s hard work, and that’s not even taking into an account 1) an audience and 2) doing this for a living

plus they literally said that the problem they had with amnesty was that they almost over-developed their characters and felt stuck with what they could do, so they’re trying to avoid doing that while also avoiding developing their characters super late in the show. all the character development stuff has been travis putting stuff in to develop the grad “prologue”

like........... im not tagging this bc i also dont like putting stuff like this in the tags, but tbh? the feeling i kinda get is that there is a small group that kinda never let go of balance? and when i say “small group” i mean super general, barely there, not direct at anyone. but like, i saw people getting mad at the amnesty finale bc it wasn’t like the balance finale. and i won’t get into this a lot, but that is valid, at the end of the day, but also they’re different stories with different themes and characters, so of course amnesty isn’t going to be a “wedding fading into the cosmos” type of ending. 

and, just like amnesty being a different story, so is graduation!!! but i feel like when they announced dnd, there were almost assumptions that they would, therefore, fall back into similar tropes? and yeah of course we were all joking like “which cartoon animal is gonna run the fantasy store” and stuff like that, but... tbh, i don’t want another balance! we have a balance and it’s wonderful! let’s have a different story!

and, like, balance and graduation are very different. amnesty and balance had more similarities than graduation and balance currently do. why? different dms!!!

and like yeah ive listened to balance 6 times and it will always hold a place in my heart and it literally changed & saved my life, but it’s one of those things where you can take balance with you without all other taz campaigns having similar themes/symbols/characters as balance

also it’s not like griffin was a perfect dm considering that, when i was first starting balance, people were telling me that “i just had to get through gerblins and then it’ll be good”

(i love gerblins with all my heart, but do you see the point i’m making?)

so like.... moral of my ted talk: obviously constructive criticism is a thing and there’s always going to be negativity surrounding anything, but also imo constructive criticism loses its help when it’s just mean or not actually constructive lmao. but i also think it’s fair to say that grad should be given time! the adventure zone in general isn’t a show where the plot is figured out by the first episode. imo, dnd/tabletop shows as a whole are special in how it’s not one writer, but many!!! but, therefore, given the medium, grad needs time to form and grow!! but anyways.

(at this point, i would make an “it’s not that deep” joke but i think i lost that right after analyzing this much omg)

but like........ i really like grad, and i’m so fucking excited for what’s to come, and i’ve missed the light-hearted fun that comes with fantasy and dnd. also loved amnesty with all my heart, but it was super high-stakes w/ the rolls and i spent like 10 episodes fearing for dani and aubrey’s lives, so i’m just glad that we have some funky piano music and cute (n)pcs!!!!

(i would prefer if this wasn’t reblogged, i’m merely stating opinions and observations and, at the end of the day, i don’t want to fight strangers on the internet)

[lowkeysebastianstan]

hey there. I totally get your frustration with endgame and the ending. I wasn't happy and I'm not happy how half the fandom tells me/us how we have to look at it. how we have to accept it. how the actors are happy with it and so should we. how the writers/producers - okay, I'm gonna leave them out of this seeing neither of them have any idea what they have done in the first place. after all they disagree on everything in every interview since the release. and isn't that funny? (1/?)

how even they are not on one side with the movie? what I despise most right now when it comes to this movie and this fandom is how we are treated. how we should tag our “hate” - which I think is funny since I didn’t hate the movie entirely. I hated pieces of it, like I did with past movies. I never liked doctor strange and even back then people were allowed to mention how casting cumberbatch for the part wasn’t the smartest idea they had. (2/?)

people want us to be happy with an ending that doesn’t make sense to us and they appreciate and are “allowed” to shove down our throats with their happy posts about a perfect ending. how is taking tony’s life after he finally married pepper and got a daughter is perfect? how is sending steve back to peggy after they did everything in their power to convince us he moved on from his past life…how is that perfect? (3/?)

you can probably tell I’m bitter. I really am. there’s not a day that goes by I’m not frustrated with what we got after ten years and 22 movies. however, I thought to myself what would it give me to cling on to this on my blog. would it change anything? I do know I’m not alone. I see so many people agreeing with this anger and it gives me some sort of peace. at the end of the day, though, it’s also important to see what it gives to you. (4/?)

talking to one of my closest friends about it and voicing my frustration with the end helps me more than keep posting about it. because in the end it won’t change a thing. the longer I surround myself with the frustration and anger and everything that comes with this not being what I had hoped for the more it pushes me from the fandom. of course everyone do as they please and I get people who want to get it out of their system. (5/?)

but maybe sitting down and look at what the constant repeating will give you in the end, realizing where it might end, could help finding some kind of peace for you. I’d hope for you to enjoy the parts of the fandom that still apply to you. I really like your blog and you as a person and I’d hate to see one of my fave people on this site to leave (I lost count, but this is the last)

whew! hi right back, that was quite something. 

i feel ive answered this ask before, was that also you?

i mean, yeah. i know im not alone, i do. i see some of it on my dash, but not a lot, since ive had to block every marvel related tag just to keep from indulging in some light murder (just gentle ones, not to worry), and i really cannot fathom why ppl on the other side of the isle can’t do the same? or if you’re getting tired of the negativity? blacklist. or unfollow, block even. 

as ive said a few times lately, ive been here 6 years. and this is the first time ive aired my frustration in any noticeable way. sure there’s been a few occasions where i got the salt shaker out, but that was in relation to much more limited subjects, and it was a post or two at the most. 

ive been frustrated with previous movies too, but ive kept my trap shut, ive just gone on, kept my queue stocked, giffed the rare set and hid behind pretty solid content, no drama, not personality, no engagement. 

and it’s not too bad, to just be anonymous, to look at the pretty, spread the pretty, do the occasional tag rant, and let that be it. 

but.

when i came back after a long hiatus last autumn i started writing again. i posted a psa where i apologised for the fact that i would reblog my writing on this blog, i informed what tags i was gonna use, and for the first time i actually checked my follower count before and after. i lost 20 followers the first day. for posting writing. my writing. that was tagged to a ridiculous degree. and i saw a fair few more disappear before the exodus, and idk. i made me realise a thing or two.

one, people like my blog and the content i post

two, they’re only here for that content

three, to have a strictly themed blog will limit you horribly

four, my followers in general don’t give a shit about me, only about the content i post, which fair enough

five, i care about that, even if i don’t care about the follower count as such, i do care that the ones i have actually like me

six, which is completely absurd bc none of them knows me at all, i never show myself

but that was then. this is now. and the last weeks has made me realise the most important thing of all, i dont care any more. why the fuck should i? when my showing any kind of negativity about something that i did care a whole lot about but i no longer have?

endgame might have killed all my enthusiasm for the mcu, and it fucking hurts. it’s been a staple in my life for years, ive invested my time, my creativity, my love and my goddamn money, and ive got jack shit to show for it. i have a blog that i used to love, but is becoming alien to me, and that hurts too. ive invested a lot in this blog too, after i deleted a few of my other blogs a couple of years back, this is by far my biggest one. and im torn tbh. 

do i want to leave it? no, i don’t. can i go back? honestly? i doubt it. if my love for the mcu is gone, well so is bucky. and lets be real, a sebastian stan blog with no bucky? i cannot really see it, can you?

but hey. ill make you a deal, all of you. ill ease up on the memes, i won’t stop bc i have a few scheduled, you guys blacklist or unfollow if you dont want to see them, and ill see about sprinkling in some sebastian content if i can find any i deem worth it. 

also i don’t have any close irl friends to air my frustrations with, everyone here loved this crap, and that’s not really the discourse im looking for. but im happy for you, it sounds nice :)

hope you’re having a great day! 

eta: i won’t leave btw. not unless the porn hub thing comes into fruition. just so you know, and if anyone cares. just sayin. 

eta2: also? the fact that i, or we, are complaining and being pissed at the movie, but the opposition are attacking us for doing that? instead of, again, fucking blacklist and leave us the fuck alone? yeah, doesn’t help with the bitter. if y’all are so threatened by our arguments, maybe you should reevaluate your own, seems you’re trying a bit too hard there. i don’t want to take enjoyment from anyone, i envy you too much for that, but ffs, just leave me the fuck alone to deal with it. (that’s not @ you, that’s to them)

eta3: and thank you for saying im someone you like. but see? ive been trolling you all, im terrible. and i expect you don’t like me as much now anyways. but thank you, it was nice to hear nevertheless.

[bubblepunk99s]

Amara

Dust motes danced in the airy light of Anis’ study as he shifted through a storm of essences.

He had called his desk an ‘aromatic apothecary’. Amara had dubbed it a ‘scent bench’. Racks of essence bottles curved around him as he furiously scribbled formulas on to wafers of paper. Occasionally he would un-cork one, releasing a burst of scent that filled the room before dissipating just as quickly- rose oil, hyacinth, slowly burning sandalwood, even that metal stench Amara had always associated with the Void gates back home. Anis would take stock of it then return to his scribbling.

Another uncorking. A fierce note of burning pepper-bush flooded Amara’s nostrils. Then it was gone. More scribbling.

“That was a good one.”  

“Hmm.” Anis sounded unconvinced. “Bit too overpowering, might need a modifier, maybe a citrus ester or a floral one. But that’s in my rayiha so I’ve been told and I don’t think it’s very becoming of me to aim for a signature just yet...”

He continued on in this manner. Amara really didn’t mind. She’d learned a lot over the past week thanks to Anis’ ramblings- his role as a student in the school of extracting (itself part of the house of sciences) the nature of his craft, the Soljin’s nature as part of a greater whole- one of four peoples that had split apart from days spent as Void-wandering nomads, different in many ways but bound by the faith that had united them so long ago- the faith of midãd, the pursuit of the divine substance. Anis considered his work to be the greatest expression of that history, crafting multi-layered scents from countless differing essences.

“So, how’s your work coming along?”

“Oh.” Rising herself from her stupor, Amara glanced back at her sketches. Though Anis had provided a desk to study at right next to a disused alembic, her mind had been elsewhere. It was with Tia and the others now searching for ingredients in the shops and markets. Ingredients for Met’s...treatment.

“Something is in you.” She had said to her, sitting her down in the lovers’ small home. “Call it a baran, call it kaba, call it whatever you like. Just know it isn’t getting out unless we force it out.”

“A...” Amara remembered. “The bolt.”

“Yes, the bolt. The one you were struck by. It came from the god-grounds.”

“You knew about that?!” Tia had been aghast

“I sensed something in her when we shook hands. You telling me about the storm destroying your district confirmed my suspicions. Why do you think I chose to let you stay after your friend’s treatment?”

“So, you were keeping things from us.” Udana said. “Why should we trust you now?”

“It’s not about trust. It’s about necessity. You think the wights you met in the desert were bad? Whatever’s in you now is far older, far darker. I don’t know how it got into you but I know I’m the only one in this city that can get it out. You need more than a doctor, you need someone who understands the dead.”

Silence. Then Khedes had spoken up.

“We can help you.”

“Amara?”

Amara blinked. “Sorry... just thinking about-”

“About your condition?”

She nodded. Setting his work aside, Anis came up and laid a hand on her shoulder. Thankfully he wasn’t shocked back 10 meters.

“I’m sorry I can’t help you more. That way you wouldn’t have to rely on that frightful pair.” He rubbed his neck. “If only I could be more like En-Kindi.”

“Who?”

“En-Kindi, the founder of the school of extracting, part of the house of sciences first master’s council. He could do everything: perfume, metallurgy, astronomy, cryptography. A true polymath! He once said that “time exists only with motion.  Body with motion, motion with body. If there is motion there is necessarily body, if there is body there is necessarily motion.”

“How does that relate to all my problems?”

“It means if you keep moving forward then things will definitely work out in the end!”

They both chuckled at that. Then awkward silence resumed.

“You know” Anis continued. “He also said we should devote ourselves to the truth. Always keep looking for it, even if it came from peoples distant and nations different from us. I think he approve of you coming all the way out here...and that he would want me to help you.”

Amara gave a gentle, tired smile. “Thank you. That means a lot.”

Anis smiled back. He was about to say something more when suddenly there was a wrapping at the door. Perplexed, he went and opened it. He returned with a small wooden box. Lifting its lid revealed 4 small perfume bottles and a note with 4 words in the Soljinn script written on it. Amara recognised them as street names.

Anis’ smile faded.

“Come on. Time I showed you the other part of my job.”

Kuru’s house of sciences was an alternating mix of interior and exterior spaces. Shadowed hallways would lead to fragrant courtyards bordered by rounded pillars of Aban-Sad stone. Its student body a mix of promising young scholars swelled by the patronage of established academics and those who had been sent by less established families to rise through scholarship and intellectual endeavour. Anis was one such student.

“Wish you could have seen things when everyone was here. Boys would wear off-world jeans under their work robes. We dared each other to flip them up when to get a glimpse of what style they were trying out.”

“Did you really?”

Anis blinked. “Please don’t assume every strapping young Soljinn man is as socially awkward as me.”

That of course had changed with the Corvus’ arrival. The school was backed by public funding, along with that of the social elite- bankers, merchants and military officers. When the Corvus assumed command that wellspring quickly dried up. Students and teachers alike dropped out, some seeking to get jobs as translators and scientists, others hurling themselves against the walls of the Nest in protest.

So now the school Amara walked through was a ghost of its former self. A time when the sound of scratching pens on paper and all manner of scientific, philosophical and theological discourse that fell under the banner of falsafa- Natural studies- filled the air. A time when so many Rayihas joined together it was hard to tell when one person’s soul ended and another’s began.

“That’s one sad story.” Amara said sympathetically, as they head out through the school’s main embossed arch.

“Not half as sad as where we’re going, I’m afraid.”

Where they were headed was a street in the city’s old quarter. En-Yaqut it was called, the birthplace of some of the city’s finest biographers and renowned for its scroll-stores, literary cafes and abundant collections of ornate manuscripts. After all, was it not said that the ink of the quill was holier than the blood of the martyr?

Amara couldn’t see that beauty now. As they followed the street downhill, the air began to smell of smoke. Shutters covered the front of shops, emblazoned with graffiti of a bird spreading its wings between two trees. A young boy flicked rocks at these shutters, which quickly burst into flames, alighted by security lasers.

“Oh no...”

Amara turned to see what Anis was looking at. Standing at a bend in the road was a charred husk of a building. It looked like it had come from Amara’s ruined district, though it stood alone instead of being surrounded by others like it. A crowd had gathered, some dousing the charred walls with water jets.

“Not Shaba...”

“You!” An old woman cried, in black robes with embroiled cuffs. “You from the house?”

“I am... I am.” Anis confirmed. “Please Shaba...the owner of this place...he isn’t...”

The lady shook her head. “Some of his clients were translators for the Corvus. A fight broke out over it and then the fire started. He didn’t survive.”

Anis fell to his knees, his breathing ragged. Amara knelt with him.

“A friend?”

He nodded shakily.

Amara didn’t need to know any more. But she needed to snap Anis out of this.

“Anis, we came here to do something. Do you remember?

Another nod. With trembling hands, he took out one of the vials and poured its contents on to the ground, murmuring what sounded like a prayer under his breath.

Slowly a rayiha surrounded them. It smelled like drying paint and fresh parchment. Amara almost thought she saw it, as a hazy silhouette of a man standing before them.

Anis seemed to glimpse it to.

“You always were so accepting, Shaba.” He turned to the woman. “Make sure the Clerics find his body and give it the rites. We have others to see to.”

He then swerved back up the way they had come. Amara nearly had to run to keep up with him.

“Perfumes are an accompaniment to someone’s soul. Naturally they can be used to guide and heal lost ones. When a body is prepared for the rites, we provide perfumes to guide the rayiha back to it.”

He gave Amara a gentle, tired smile.

“The house of sciences may be fading, but that line of work keeps me occupied a lot nowadays.”

Why had they come?

To dethrone tyrants of course! The rulers of Kuru had become depraved and needed removing. Had they not rounded up dissident scholars, removed them from public office? Had they not charged exorbitant fees for the stone of Kuru, exploiting them over the years? Had they not acted to the detriment of every non-Soljinn in the city and punished those who practiced tolerance? Men like Shaba?

“Well that was a fucking lie.” Anis growled.

The Corvus’ defeat of these men- the feared mihna lawgivers- had been like something of out of a legend. The air had suddenly filled with white light. Spears of it leapt down to strike the lawgivers palace. Then ship after ship had floated down to continue the assault.

Such talk there had been! Anti-regime cells had gathered in the coffee shops whispering of plans that would never see fulfillment. Some wrote and translated advisory letters to the Corvus, others hoped that translation schools would be built to speed negotiations between the people and the invaders.

Such dreams- of translation, of communication- had died swiftly when the Corvus demonstrated how they translated with their first routine survey.

So, the days went on. Anti-Corvus groups making a scene, the Corvus themselves appearing out of nowhere to make a bigger mess of it. Men like Shaba- known for his tolerance of all peoples and the generosity of his spirit- killed in the crossfire, while others like Anis trailed after the violence, hoping to help in whatever way they could.

“So, you still don’t know why they are here?” Amara asked. By the time they reached the House of Science’s entrance the sun was setting. A day spent attending similar sites to the one on En-Yaqut street had left her drained. She would need to talk to Tia tonight.

“Don’t know don’t care.” Anis’ voice had seemed to age over the day, becoming as rough as Met’s at times “I’m just trying to survive.”

Just trying to survive. Made her little treasure hunt seem silly by comparison. Then Amara reminded herself she was doing it to help her own people survive as well.

Turning to the path to Met’s house, Amara thought about the violence she had seen here- how it could spread so easily to her own home, how many homes it had already taken. She thought about the artefacts lying discarded in the God-grounds and the wreckage of Shaba’s slowly burning shop.

As she did, the taste of electricity filled her mouth and goosebumps spread across her skin.

[quiznakchronicle]

(1) Not for nothing but I dunno how I feel about all of this recent stuff. I mean yeah there are a butt ton of events being planned and released at once, some of them going on for as long as a month, others that are steeped in discourse while others are just responses to each other. I can even understand some content creators feeling overwhelmed. But lets be frank here. No one is forcing content creators like myself to take part in these events. We choose which events to take part in and when.

2) So if a creator is feeling overwhelmed then they need to cut back on the events they're taking part in and the amount of content they're creating. Creators dont need a week for that. Trust me I know it sucks to have to pick and choose between events when you dont have the time to do them all, but its a much more reasonable option then expecting everyone with an event idea to put off their ideas until next year just because other stuff is going on.

(3) I mean other fandoms do all this same stuff all the time. Prompt weeks, ship months, challengers, zines, big bangs, etc. They often have these events happening at the same time. But in the end content is still created and everyone in the fandom has more content and a better time because of it. I mean I love this blog but lets be real here. You are not going to be able to put every event on this blog the moment its announced.

4) I mean there have been several instances in the past where I've heard of events weeks before they ended up on your blog. This isn't a criticism, its an acknowledgement that you are only one person who cant be reasonably expected to handle the sheer workload of an entire fandoms event schedule. And inevitably there are going to be times when people do look at the schedule to find a time for an event and think they've found one. Except that there is already another event going on at that time-

-that you just haven't found the time to put in yet. Again, I understand the concerns of writer burnout but this is all getting ridiculous. Is it unfair that content creators will have to miss out on some events in favor of others? Yes. But it also not fair to claim that event planners are "overwhelming" creators. I'M a content creator. I've had to deal with multiple event overload. But it was my responsibility to deal with it. Not trying to be mean but if your a content creator and your

and your experienced burnout then you need to cut back on your schedule and TAKE A BREAK. Your health is more important than any event and your self imposed workload is something you have full power over. Only exceptions I can see aside from that would be commissions but thats clearly not what we're talking about here.

I see where you’re coming from, and having also discussed it with a few other people I’m realizing it may have been misguided to suggest blocking a week as a “rest period.” My role with this blog is supposed to be simply tracking events, and I kinda lost sight of that a bit. Like you say, no one is forced to participate in events, and people are free to drop out of stuff if they need to for their health and peace of mind. 

I think the concern I’ve been hearing from people is that so many of the events are so good and interesting that they want to participate in all of them and get upset/disappointed when they literally physically can’t. Or they do sign up for all the events and then they’re either kept ridiculously busy trying to juggle everything or they’re forced to drop out, which is both upsetting for the participant cause they feel guilty for “failing” and frustrating for the organizer cause they have to readjust their plans. Like you say it’s unfair to organizers to tell them “no you can’t do your event” or “you can only do it after X date” but the flipside of that coin is telling creators “here are (example) 5 events that are super cool and right up your alley but they’re all on top of each other so you can only do max 2 of them. Good luck and choose wisely.” I understand and agree that it's up to individual people to manage their schedules and their level of participation in fandom according to their other obligations like school and work, as well as their energy levels, and in that vein I’m gonna drop the whole idea of a fandom “rest week.” But I do also understand where people are coming from when they talk about feeling overwhelmed and burning out.

On the subject of months, I have to be honest with you I had never seen a month before in any other fandom, aside from the big general ones like inktober or nanowrimo or femslash February. I’ve since heard from a friend who explained how a month event was successfully organized in the Miraculous Ladybug fandom, but as I understand it the key difference there is they did it where every week had a theme, rather than every day having a prompt. So I’m not saying month events can’t be a viable concept, I’m saying the month events currently being planned in the fandom don’t strike me as a sustainable endeavour, taking into account how they’re set up, the discourse surrounding some of them turning people off, and all the other events already underway.

I don’t know, perhaps it’s because this is the first time I’ve paid such close attention to events in a fandom, but my impression has been that Voltron fandom has an abnormally high number of events. I know that other fandoms also do weeks and big bangs and zines and such, and I’m sure some of them overlap with each other, but do they also suffer from this situation where basically every week between now and March 2018 has anywhere from 2 to 40+ projects going on at once? This is actually a genuine question, I would really appreciate if someone could give me a sense of what the situation is in say the Steven Universe or Yuri on Ice fandoms, etc.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ll back off on the whole “imposing a rest week” idea and stick more to simply tracking events like I should’ve been all along, but I do still want to register my concern at the sheer number of events in this fandom.

[epgp12iimk]

Life and Fragility

by Aparajita

These are extraordinary times. Times we will remember for all our lives. The world has never stood still. We always believed that no matter what, the world will continue – we will wake up every morning, get dressed, go to work, traffic snarls will happen… there was no other way to be. But the uncertainty of this time proves otherwise to us. While the battle against the virus is just an external battle there is an equally consequential battle inside our minds. Most of us are and have been going through a roller coaster of emotions that are scary, alarming and most certainly different. We don’t quite know what to make of it and there has been no historical experience that we can tap into to understand what this is making us feel. However, the decisions we make right now are highly consequential – on one hand we feel a certain anger and frustration. And then on the other hand this is the time to connect, to build bonds with community, family, loved ones and our own selves.

We have this narrative in society about being happy and positive. It seems like the right thing to keep motivating and encouraging people. We often hear things like, “don’t be angry, be positive, be happy.” “Don’t be sad, be brave”. Doing so we create a notion that happiness and joy are the most important emotional experiences one can have. The opposite of which are the negative, bad or weak emotions – frustration, anxiety, grief, loss, fear, sadness. We become comfortable with happiness, uncomfortable with difficult emotions and we push them aside. When that begins to happen we establish and create anchor points to happiness. “if I meet my friends, im happy”, “if im appreciated by my boss, im happy”, “ if I can buy a holiday, im happy”… hence, focusing more on happiness as a goal. This is the paradox of it all though, the more we chase something, the more elusive it becomes – the more we chase happiness as a goal, the less happy we become all the time. Seeking something versus living life in acceptance and compassion. Rather than trying to find happiness, maybe it is time for us to come into ourselves, come into our emotions. Not try to brush away difficult emotions that make us feel uncomfortable – the anger, frustration, loneliness, anxiety.

It is with the same discomfort we treat the single most unquestionable reality we are faced with - death. How comfortable are we with death, talking about it, thinking about losing loved ones. Take for example the discourse between children and parents on death. Most times parents try to brush it aside, not knowing how to explain this to their young ones’s curious minds. Rubbing off their discomfort to their offspring. On the contrary being courageous with difficult emotions and addressing it with the young ones also enables them, to practice acceptance of these   – its normal to feel scared, its okay. This is how life functions, we will all die. Perhaps this is also the strongest message for these times – we need to not weigh in on our fear but rather reach inside of ourselves and find our courage. Not to brush aside, belittle or judge ourselves if we are experiencing difficult emotions. These are indeed tough times. Instead use strategies to enable us to be with our emotions in healthy ways. How we love and lead ourselves through these times, will ultimately this will enable us to bring the best of ourselves forward.  

When we are faced with difficult emotions, we either judge them or we push them aside. This could take the form of either bottling them up or brooding and getting stuck in them. Emotional agility is the ability to be with ourselves, our full emotional experience in ways that are compassionate because this is tough and these emotions are real. We need to be compassionate with ourselves and with others. We need to be curious- what is my frustration telling me about me ? What is this event triggering in me, and why? What is my guilt telling me when im interacting with my children? What does my anger tell me about what I most value? If we can move past the place where instead of pushing aside these sign posts we can be compassionate with these emotions, when we can start asking ourselves - even in the midst of fear, how can this emotion help me – be aware if it, and also not get stuck in it. What are some courageous steps i can take even in the midst of a reality that I didn’t choose and isn’t of my asking.

How do we practice emotional agility during these times?

These principles of emotional wellness remain the same, regardless of the context changing to what it is now. I suppose the only difference would be that the need for emotional agility is now more than ever so much more profound and clearer now.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space and in that space is our power to choose and its in that choice that lies our growth and freedom.” – Viktor Frankl. We didn’t choose these circumstances. This stimulus has been served to us, and this is the time we need to choose between the response.

While the narrative has been using “social distancing”, its really “physical distancing”. We still need to be able to look for quality and meaningful interactions that are important to us. We can be lonely in a crowd as well, it’s a function of whether our interactions are meaningful, its not about how many people can we surround ourselves with. Emotions are our signposts of things we most deeply care out. Example – if we are feeling lonely, what Is loneliness a signpost of ? Its telling your that you value presence and connectedness and you don’t have enough of that right now. So loneliness tells you here is something you value and you need to bring this into your life, or move in this direction. So you start asking yourself, what are some small changes I can make that are important to me, what are ways in which I can come to my experience. We need to handle these difficulties by being compassionate with ourselves.

Fear. How does fear operate ? When we feel fearful or the situation is ambigious, our mind tries to fill in the blanks of what we don’t know. We might catastrophize things, develop huge anxiety. In the endeavour to find answers, we reach out to our twitter feeds that provokes more anxiety, more fear and more emotional contagion when we subtly pick up the emotions of other people. Hence, being mindlessly stuck in our experiences. Instead, ask ourselves – is this helping me, is there an alternative way I can be engaging ? Are there things ive been meaning to do – creating a garden, reading the books that have been on that list for long, spoken to a long lost friend, do my relationships need tending – are my actions serving me, who I am as a person, the loving being that I want to be.

Consider how often we use this language – I am lonely, I am sad, I am angry. This is the normal default way in which we describe how we are feeling. But effectively we are saying- I am, all of me, 100% of me is that one single emotion, that singular experience. By language and therefore by understanding we begin to define ourselves by our emotion. But we are not our emotion, we own our emotions, they dont define us. So we want to treat our emotions with compassion and curiosity but we also don’t want to get stuck in them.

Simple strategies that can be helpful –

Instead of saying I am sad, label your thoughts, emotions, feeling for what they are .. they are thoughts, feeling , emotions. So instead of saying “I am sad” you might say – im noticing that im feeling sad, im noticing the urge to shut down the conversation with my spouse…. Im noticing the urge to keep going on my social media urge right now. You are labelling your thoughts, emotions and feeling therefore, creating a space between stimulus and response. Seeing them for what they are. So you can say, im noticing that im feeling sad, so what does that tell me about what matters to me.

We think that in order to do something, to make a contribution we have to do big things. But if you think of the need to belong, every single one of us feels that and we can half someone’s pain just by being that person’s person today. That might just be a phone call, if we can reach beyond ourselves it is healing for ourself as well as others. Tiny, small value connected actions. Even being home, physically distant, there is courage in doing that .. we are doing it because we know it’s the right thing but there is courage there in looking inside of ourselves and owning that its not that youre doing this because you have to but because that is profoundly important that you care about others.

We should also be having this conversation with our children, developing our own sense of values and character by showing up to our children’s emotions with compassion. Asking your children what are ways in why you can bring yourself to your friends. These are incredible times for us, we didn’t ask for them but we are developing our resilience and character. Simply by showing up for them, give them holding space to feel what they are feeling, that’s probably the most important way in which children can develop a sense of security in chaos.

Being granular with our emotions. Often we use very big language to describe our emotions, example; im stressed is one of the most commonly used phrase. There is a world of difference between stress and disappointment. Or stress and feeling overwhelmed , or stress and fear. What we do psychologically when we label our emotions in a more granular way is to move away from “im stressed” to “what is this emotion really”. It helps us to understand the cause of the emotion and whats the pathway forward. From a macro “im stressed” to maybe im overwhelmed. You can do something with overwhelm. You can bring in some bits of control. If my stress is loneliness, I can look for opportunities to reach out…. So emotion granularity is really important.

What can I do to find focus ?

Firstly, find what are some of those things you are doing which are sucking the life out of your day- constantly checking the Covid numbers, scrolling through social media, going down the road of epidemiological studies? As far as you can try to establish pockets of control in your life. There is lots that’s out of our control. But we control how we respond, we can control how we connect, we control how we to the best of our ability use our time off. If it means for that day simply making a list of things you want to do, or whether that control is putting your phone on silent for an hour a day, or shutting off something that is all pervasive. Sometimes it could just be shutting out all the noise – maybe you have music playing all the time, maybe some silence would be your form of exerting your control. Find out what are those 2-3 things I can be doing everyday that create some kind of routine and bring back pockets of control back in your life.  

And while we have internal battles we are also dealing with, there is real suffering – people who don’t have food, are stuck with a violent perpetrator in the house. Ask yourself, amidst my own challenges, how can we as a society support such people, that’s our capability as a community. There are many of us who would be doing this, connecting and forging bonds within the community. There are also many others and another prevalent narrative of divisiveness. Know that, that too is natural. When human beings are faced with mortality salience, anything that threatens their existence, we tend to become more us and them. These are predictable psychological responses when faced with these situations. It is not a surprise therefore that we hear nations on a blame game and communities against each other. Yet again, we will need to rise beyond these discourses into compassion for ourselves and for the community.  

We try to solve the world’s problems through our minds, but its time that we moved from there into our hearts, into our compassion, our wisdom, into our beingness.  Moving beyond right and wrong, beyond judgements and really understanding why someone might be doing what they are, that is giving in to the openness of who we can be as human being.

[lairofsentinel]

I watched Game of Fucks, first 5 episodes in one row. Pft

I couldn't wait the whole season to finish to watch it because everyone did such a mess with whatever related to the lady-dragon. It made me too curious. Haha, now I see why people were so mad with her...

She never was my fave exactly because I thought she was going to end up like this, so I'm surprised about people being so angry at her development. 

She was most of the time good because political reasons, earning loyalties and because she had someone else working as her moral (all those people dead by the time she lose it). Like any other King/Queen. She always excused her actions behind her fucked up discourse of “fighting for freedom”. And you know, I like Sandor Clegane exactly because this concept: “you never have your masters giving you your freedom”. She was not going to be that. Not after those fucked up scenes of she being worshipped by brown slaves, and commanding brown mongol-like fighters who are “savages”.  Yes, she passed through a lot, but her char is about revenge mixed with “what she deserves by right” and a constant polarity between “I want to be perceived as selfless / I want to be selfish”. To me, she always was the embodiment of that obsession that I see in white people of being perceived as “good people”. It makes sense. History was always told by white people, the good ones, and only now that their goodness is being questioned, they feel unbalanced. If they don't have people whispering in their ears that they are good people, they lose it. She looks like that process to me.

Plus, her family was always described as “crazy”, so... she losing her mind was a constant foreshadowing. 

In the end, after all her speech of being apparently “selfless” in all her decisions, she sees the Red Keep, (something that it was taken away from her) and went mad. She became furious and selfish in the moment where you were going to see her true “rule” nature.

She always was a chaotic char, so... welp. I never liked her, because she was always claiming to help the slaves, while being a “nice” master, and she was angry when people did not “love” her. Imagine how a twisted master you are. Well, the other kings were worse. Yes. But exactly because she was not different to any standard king/queen, just a different kind of flavour, doesn't give her free pass to be the “loved master”.

I always saw that most of her moral decisions were deeply related with the people around her. That people were the “wise and just”, not her. She was a dragon, a wild chaotic dragon, contained by the “right” people. Always obsessed with power and “people's love” instead for the people and the consequences.  

Wouldn't it have been better if she overcame that fate? Yeah, maybe. But you needed to show that several seasons ago. It would have been a better development in general, in my opinion, and a fucking better way to show approval... Mainly because she's a Queen, and we already saw a fucked up Queen with Cersei. There was not need for another. It would be nice to have a “wise” Queen, not the super obvious and cliché “men are wiser” led by the idiot of Jon Snow (I see that coming).  Meh, nobility. I always disliked them all, anyway. All of them are fucked up. The only suitable Queen for me was the girl who was part of the House of the Roses... I can't remember her name. The one with the gay brother. That would have been good. She was a regular standard “good” queen, without all that show about “I'm a white saviour of all you, idiot brown people who can't do anything without my speshul ass guiding you”. I mean... if I would care in picking a good queen for the throne.

Jon Snow was always unbearable to me. He keeps being so. And now incestuous as fuck. XD. I found that detail curious, because, Cersei and her brother, as the “true” rulers of this world, were going to be replaced by a dragon-lady and her nephew... like... royal thingie comes with some degree of incestuous shit, right? XD

Cersei's ending would have been more satisfying for me with Arya putting an end to her life. Yeah. But the metaphor that “their empire was twisted and corrupted to dead and was falling apart over them” was nice too. Both siblings accepted their twisted way of life, and never wanted to change. Fitting.

Varys dying was sad. He was twisted too, but he was a man of the little people, and he NEVER put a show about that. I would have liked some smarter movement from him.

Arya being the one who destroyed the Winter was SUBLIME. That was the reason I suffered this serie for so long. Hell, so satisfying. Arya “eat my dagger” stark.

Really, Arya can't be more perfect to me. I've been watching this fucked up serie since the begging JUST because her. Because she was the character I wanted to see somewhere in this fucking world of entertainment. And I loved her. 

I would have preferred a lesbian Arya, like... why everyone is so scare of a super independent woman who can kill and put down any man with her rapier or daggers who also likes women?. Too much independent for male taste, I guess. xD.  But It was good she didn't end up as a Lady of a random guy. I was so shocked when I saw that scene of the guy telling her to be his wife... “I'm not a lady”. That's my Arya.

Arya has always been the symbol of freedom, of personal freedom, of a kind of freedom who has consequences that one must accept. And she always was a symbol of revenge too, that in order to fulfil it, needed her own personality to be faded. She kind-of-lost her own identity in her journey, to the point that her own wolf did not recognize her. I loved the irony of her char: she swore revenge as Arya Stark, and along her journey, she almost stopped being Arya (and her revenge would have been empty without her identity in it). She chose it in the last seasons to stay as Arya. To remember where she is from, but even though she did not fade her identity completely, she is not the same. She is Arya, a bit stark, and a bit of something else, something that has no form. And she embraces that.

Her relationship with Sandor kills me. I fucking love those two assholes. They got a small development in their own weird relationship, and I loved it. Because it's truly meaningful for both, even though they are such assholes that none of them would say it aloud.

The Hound, the other char I care about in all this fucked up show, ended as he had to. He was a char stuck in his revenge. Like the lady of dragons, I never saw much char development in him. And I totally believe that's okay. You dont need to make all your chars develop and make them grow. Because in life, that doesn't happen with everyone. Some people get stuck. And Sandor is one of those. Revenge has crystallized his life, even though we saw a peer of a peaceful life when he lived in community with those farmers. He  enjoyed quiet life, but the world was never that for him. There was no peace for him.

To die with his brother, while the world is falling apart and everything is surrounded by fire, is a sad end, but a fitting one.

I can't stop thinking that, another ending could have been with Arya saving his life for once. Like, finding him in the streets when she is escaping from the city, and she sees him after killing his brother and surviving that big fall. For once, in saving him, their cold, stupid ways of living of both chars could have changed, just as a way to seal their old selves, and start over. Arya saving that old fuck would have healed both of them.  But well... this is Game of Fucks, they in general give a fuck to everything xD. Except for Jon stupid Snow.

Brienne... well, I always was so frustrated with her. Such a wonderful char that needed male approval all the time. She did disappoint me again. Like.. really... why. She had the potential of being a fucking strong lawful-aligned warrior, and ended in this flabby char. And for that incestuous asshole!!! God. At least she could have chosen another char... or I don't know, a random women?. Pft.  

But well, now what will it be seen in the next episode?. Show Snow showing his “i'm super wise” attitude to the lady-master-dragon, and she claiming she did everything she did to save the world of tyrants, without never seeing she WAS a tyrant all along, and kill herself later because... she is tyrant?. Or her dragon kills her and chooses the super speshul super wise dick Show Snow?  And then Show Snow will get the throne because “wise dick here”?. Pfft.

I hate so much royal bullshit. I want Sandor-zombie killing all those fucks, honestly. “No king, live your way, fuck the rest”