#and i really don't like the idea of changing something this drastic on an LI

[invinciblerodent]

(...... how do we feel about modding Wyll's devil eye to look the same as it used to when he was human? :/ Because i'll be honest, playing as Iona, I'm making a conscious effort to look at his real eye instead of the stone one, and... as we progress, the black scleras are really starting to tickle something very unpleasant in the back of my mind. I don't like it on tieflings either, they make me feel like I'm not able to connect to them as much emotionally as I can with characters whose eyes are more human, and I fully realize that that's a pure skill issue on my part.)

(which, the irony of this whole thing being kinda funny is not lost on me. Horns? really cool. face-ridges? have at it. Claws, forked tongue, fangs, spurs, etc.? perfectly okay with it. kinda hot even. it's just that eye that's kinda freaking me out- which is the thing that is, in-fiction, literally the least devilish part of the whole change.)

[temis-de-leon]

Dateables realizing their feelings for reader

Characters: Diavolo, Barbatos, Solomon, and Simeon (x reader, separately)

Main Masterlist

Part 2 , Part 3 , Demon Brothers version

Romance Anon: Could I request headcanons for Diavolo, Barbatos, Solomon, and Simeon realising his feelings for gn reader?

A/N: I think the reason why this one took so long is that I already described part of their crush in Part 2 (originally Part 1), so this feels just like an "extra". I don't really like it and it feels very OOC and incomplete, but it's the best I could do <3

.

Diavolo

He has always been thankful for his ability to read emotions. It helps him distinguish between those who try to take advantage of his positive nature and other, more honest, people willing to open their minds to his ideas, even if they disagree. 

This gift tends to leave him drowning in isolation as if he were observing a party he wasn’t invited through a window. Would he rather live amongst lies and blissful ignorance? Would he prefer not knowing when someone has intentions of hurting him?

Those are drastic thoughts, he knows, but they roam his mind nonetheless. 

Diavolo is painfully aware of the main root of his recent ruminations; not a traitor amidst his court or a threat from far away, but, instead, something more heartbreaking: his new human friend. 

The moment his daydreamings begin to include you more and more, the dread of realization stops his heart. He’s never fallen in love, let alone with a human. What is he supposed to do?

The possibility of letting you go so both could find a better fit crosses his mind, but his unwillingness to lose you doesn’t let him entertain the idea. 

Would you fall for him as well? You, the one who treats him like a friend and not a loyal servant? The one who, after seeing the leathery wings behind his back and the ornate horns above his head, still pushes him to become what he could be? To reach what he yearns to achieve?

He’ll have you if you allow it, and he’ll wish for it if you don’t.

Barbatos

He'd like to have more time to evaluate how strong his feelings for you are, but, ironically, there's no such thing for him.

Your smile stays in his mind while he runs errands and the melody of your laugh follows him in silent moments. He writes your name instead of food while listing groceries and your voice stands out the most when everyone is reunited.

Attraction; the birth of affection.

He thinks (hopes?) those aren't stable enough to evolve into something more frightening, but how wrong he is.

In reality, Barbatos is as jealous as Mammon, but his resentment towards said demon doesn't appear until the brothers start to argue about you when you aren't around.

Is it true? Is Mammon "your first"?

Although composed as ever, there's no denying his change of heart. He feels frustrated, but not at you, and the sourness fills his mouth no matter what he eats.

When the misunderstanding is clarified, after another one of Mammon's fits and Satan's exasperation in retaliation, the sense of relief leaves him dizzy.

It is serious then, isn't it? Nothing he can escape unless wanting heartbreak.

Forcing and rushing your reciprocation is not something he feels comfortable with; what would be worth if it weren't natural?

He's willing to wait, being the patient demon he is, and while his longing grows with each passing day, enjoying the journey feels just as exciting.

Solomon

The human sorcerer falling for the other human exchange student?

It's a slow process and he doesn't notice the change until it's too late. One moment you're just acquaintances and the next he can't do anything without thinking about you.

He has a book you might like, why not go to Purgatory Hall for a quick visit?

Are you okay? Do you feel lonely? He knows the brothers can be a handful sometimes, so don't worry and talk to him whenever you need to.

He supposes it makes sense, but that doesn't make it less disheartening.

How cliche of him to develop feelings for the only person in the Devildom he will outlive.

The memories of past long-lost lovers haunt him as he ponders the idea of giving you a chance. He knows loving you would feel wonderful, but do you even like him back? Is the risk worth a chance?

Will it compensate for the pain that your eventual passing would bring?

As time passes and the potential of your powers arises, Solomon decides that he'd rather try and lose than not try at all.

Who knows? Maybe fate will trick you both and let him have you for the rest of eternity.

Simeon

From all the things Simeon thought he would learn while living in the Devildom, experiencing love was not one of them.

The feeling per se isn't foreign to him, he knows it in many forms, but what he finds in you doesn't resemble anything he's ever seen or felt before.

It fills his heart until it's bursting at the seams and, yet, he still wants more.

He daydreams a lot, captivated by your image to the point of losing awareness of his surroundings. He blushes and humms, doodling and making romantic interests for his stories according to everything he sees in you, both the good and the bad side.

Simeon has a positive mental attitude around his growing infatuation towards you, since, while the possibility of not being reciprocated is there, he knows your friendship goes beyond that.

Perhaps that is why you settled so easily in his heart: the roots of platonic love wouldn't go to rott if being rejected were the case.

This is new and exciting for him, an unknown path he's willing to explore regardless of the results.

.

.

Taglist: @ilovecandys2010  @ollieoven

[moirindeclermont]

This episode of "All the Polin first time we didn't see in BridgertonS3 " is a request I've received. Some may find it squirmish, so TW for period talking and blood, just so you know what you get into.

And this is either in a universe where she didn't get pregnant right away (Colin "Blackdecker" Bridgerton might sometimes miss, who knows?) or after her pregnancy; either way, it's the first time they are properly together, and Pen gets her period. She is lucky it didn't arrive at night, so she didn't need to request new bed linens. Of course, her mama told her that when she had her courses, she could not expect Colin to attend to her, so she asked for their guest chamber to be prepared.

Of course, Colin being Colin "propriety what?" Bridgerton has none of it. At first, he is scared he said something that might have driven her away or that she is ill—Rae said something like, "Mrs Bridgerton is indisposed today." He marched right into the guest chamber where she was lying, a heating pad on her stomach. He understood right away. He sat on the bed.

"Pen, you don't need to hide your courses from me. I am very much used to it. I have four sisters, and I have assisted them all. Are you in much pain?" She shakes her head. "Just a bit of discomfort; I should be up by tomorrow. It is just today." Colin nods. "What do you need from me?" Pen smiles at him. "I know propriety dictated otherwise, but would you just hold me for a while?" Colin looks at her. "Propriety dictates otherwise? Really?" Pen would like to laugh, but she knows better.

"You won't know propriety if it hit you with a stick," she banters with him, making spaces for him on the bed. He lies down, his body fitting perfectly against hers, holding the heating pad in place. They stay like that for a moment. Pen is almost sleeping now that she has Colin on her side.

Up until Colin kissed her shoulder, "I met an old woman on my journeys, and she was much like a midwife. She told me—and the entire crew—that if a woman is in pain because of her courses, a release could be most beneficial," Pen turned around, "Really? It doesn't concern you that you'll have blood on your fingers and... elsewhere." Pen was not completely opposed to the idea, even though it was the first time she had encountered such a theory.

"Why? It's just blood. We can clean ourselves later. And if you're worried about the sheets, I can ask for some old ones to put under. If you don't like it, we can just stop." Pen nodded, and Colin was there a moment later with a couple of old linens to put under. "I've asked the servant to run a bath for us so we can clean after. Now, your job is to just relax and let me do all the work. How does that sound?"

She did as she was told. Colin helped her to get naked, and he started by kissing her. His touch was light, which was much appreciated given her sensitivity. "Not too much, Colin; I'm so sore," she told him, and he gave her breasts the lightest pinch that still made her moan. When he opened her legs, he made sure to touch her exactly how she liked it. Colin made her come on his finger moments after, giving her time to recover and using that time to clean his fingers and disrobe himself.

"How are you doing, Pen? Do you want more," Pen could only nod as he entered her. As he promised, he was doing all the work, letting her moan and sob, grabbing her derriere to give depth to his thrusts. Pen took a glance down at where they were joined, and surprisingly, the sight didn't turn her off as she expected. It was powerful and intimate like they were always. There was something so primal in being taken like that, something that drove Pen's next release further higher.

Afterwards, sated and sleepy, she closed her eyes, feeling Colin cleaning himself and her and changing the sheet as well. She felt suspended, like a cloud. And while the pain was not magically gone, it was drastically reduced. Maybe the old midwife was right.

After some minutes, Colin was next to her, his comforting presence enveloping her like a warm blanket, spooning like before. "Thank you, husband. I believe I won't curse my courses as much from today on..." Colin smiled. "Always glad to be of service, Pen," before lulling her into sleep.

[fellthemarvelous]

Invisible scars

(TW: religious trauma)

Looking at me, you wouldn't know that I've survived religious trauma. The marks of religious trauma are seldom visible. In fact, I had no idea for the longest time that I had religious trauma (I thought it was a thing that happened to other people). I simply spent decades questioning the reasons I felt like I was so broken on in the inside. I kept trying to figure out what I was doing wrong and why I never felt happy or like I was never able to connect to anyone. I had no idea that my experience with the church as a small child is what shaped me into the anxiety-ridden, majorly depressed disaster creature I am today.

I spent 12 years learning inside of Catholic schools. It has taken me more than 20 years to process and deconstruct, and I am always going to be a work in progress. I was brainwashed into believing the very worst about myself, and I was always just beyond saving because I had the misfortune of being a woman in a church that taught us that women experience pain during childbirth as a natural consequence of Eve eating the apple, which is why they enjoy making us suffer in the first place. They taught us that Adam ate the apple because Eve seduced him, so even though Adam also ate the apple, his sin still wasn't as bad as Eve's because she did it first and used sex to get him to do the same. They placed the blame for Original Sin squarely on Eve and thus onto every single girl who entered the church. If a boy did something to me that I didn't like, it's probably because I did something to provoke him first.

Do you know what I learned to do at a very young age just to be able to cope with that?

I learned to use humor to deflect when I was struggling. I smile when I don't want people to know I'm sad. I laugh at inappropriate times, especially when I'm uncomfortable. I learned to bottle up all of my emotions because expressing anything other than happiness is bad. I learned to compartmentalize. I taught myself how to pull out the right emotion for the right occasion because I was always striving to be who I thought everyone else wanted me to be. It was exhausting.

In the midst of all of this, I'm trying to figure out which parts of me are really me and which parts of me are things that were put into my head. If you've experienced indoctrination, you know what I'm talking about. They pulled us apart as small children and placed us in specific boxes and told us that deviating from the norm was bad.

Crowley is a fallen angel. His change from angel to demon is drastic on the outside.

You know he fell and that his wings turned black and he ended up in a pool of boiling sulfur. It's the reason Crowley is so easy to sympathize with. He suffered unfairly because of arbitrary rules that deemed him unforgivable. He's accepted that part of himself. He's clever and creative and it has helped him find ways to get out of doing his job for centuries. Hell doesn't care how jobs get done just as long as someone does them, and at this point humanity is doing more to damn themselves than the demons are able to keep up with. They're tired and overworked. Hell is overpopulated even though it should be infinite in size. Crowley wants no part of that system because he sees it for what it is, just as he sees Heaven for what it is. He has the marks to prove that he is one of the damned, but that has given him all the perspective he needs to see that both sides are fucked up and toxic and "irredeemable" (just like him). He has yet to fully let go of the hold Heaven has over him because of how badly he got hurt.

Aziraphale is still an angel.

He never fell, and he doesn't know why. He has lied to God. He has lied to Gabriel repeatedly. He lies to protect Crowley. He lies to protect humanity.

Remember, Crowley and Aziraphale started off in the same place.

They both started off as angels who were created to do God's bidding. Aziraphale is the one who told Crowley what he'd heard about everything shutting down in 6,000 years. He was simply trying to make conversation. He didn't think it was something Crowley would object to. Angels were just supposed to go along with God's plans, but Crowley had a different opinion and was vocal about it. Where did Aziraphale get his information in the first place? Why does nobody ever ask this question?

Aziraphale knows Heaven is toxic. He's not blind. We need to move past this idea that because he still has love for God that he doesn't know Heaven is fucked up. He never fell, and it's something he still fears because who the hell doesn't fear the thought of eternal torment, especially if you know it's real? God has never cast him out of Heaven though and he doesn't know why. It's probably something that hangs over his head like the Sword of Damocles.

Letting go is not an easy task. Aziraphale has always been an angel. He didn't have his identity ripped from him the same way that Crowley did. Crowley had to adapt to a brand new way of existing because he was cast out of Heaven.

Crowley's trauma is evident on the outside. Aziraphale's trauma is hidden on the inside. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there.

Crowley was an angel and then he was a demon, but he doesn't want to be labeled as either.

Aziraphale has only ever known how to be an angel. He's only ever known the ways of Heaven.

I'm only in my early 40s. It has taken me 20+ years to undo 12 years of religious abuse. Aziraphale is immortal. He and Crowley have abandoned their jobs, but four years in the space of millions isn't a lot. No one overcomes indoctrination in four years. Especially when you had millions of years of blind obedience indoctrinated into you. It simply does not work that way no matter how much you want to believe it can.

It has taken me more than two decades to learn how to stop hating myself. I still have no idea how to love myself, but it's something I'm trying to learn.

My entire identity was wrapped up in what the church told me it would be. Once I fully denounced it and all organized religion, I found out I had no idea who I was. No one had prepared me for a life outside of this one very specific identity and role that I was expected to fill based on a very specific box I was placed into.

I still struggle with black and white concepts. It's hard to unlearn when you have no other basis for comparison, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. It means that these changes do not and will not ever happen overnight.

The fall didn't just affect the demons though. It affected the angels as well. Look at how tightly wound the angels are. They're always trying to do the good thing, but they have no idea what that actually means, and you realize this when Uriel asks The Metatron if they had done something wrong. They are scared of making mistakes, but none of them know what they are supposed to be doing since Gabriel disrupted the status quo. You can see they are unsure of themselves and of each other. The concept of free will is so foreign to them, but Aziraphale showed all of them that it was in their grasp when he allowed Gabriel and Beelzebub to decide where to go so they could be together.

It takes a lot of audacity (and sheer ignorance) to dismiss Aziraphale as power-hungry and abusive.

Aziraphale did nothing to punish Gabriel and Beelzebub. He allowed them to leave because they were in love with each other, and he knows what that feels like. He thought he was about to get the same fate with Crowley until The Metatron showed up and refused to take no for an answer.

He doesn't want to fix Heaven because he thinks it's perfect. If he thought it was perfect he wouldn't want to fix it.

Aziraphale is going back into the Lion's Den. He knows what he's going up against. He's been humiliated and belittled and abused by Heaven for thousands of years.

His scars are there even though you can't see them, and he hides his pain with humor and silliness.

When I see people advocating for Aziraphale to suffer even more because they don't think he has suffered enough, I find myself sitting back in one of those classrooms in Catholic school being told that I deserve the bad things that happen to me because I somehow failed to measure up to some impossible metric. The cruelty of that mindset aimed at Aziraphale is kinda the reason Crowley hates Heaven in the first place because he's been there too.

And as someone who is processing religious trauma, it's disheartening to see people say that because Aziraphale has yet to fully let go of Heaven that he deserves harsher treatment. Crowley would definitely not agree with that sentiment.

[redtsundere-writes]

Out Of My League | Heartsteel!Kayn Shieda

heartsteel!kayn shieda x f!reader

Part 4: Valentine's Day Special!

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3.

Sypnosis: A chronically online girl doesn't know how to deal with his famous boyfriend lifestyle. Contents: Modern AU, Kayn is a nice boyfriend, High School AU, a verbal fight, fake dating vibes but not really. Word Count: 6871 words. Author's Note: So I tried posting this on Valentine's but my date with my boyfriend ended up being longer than I expected. Sowwy, but here it is, lol

Part 4: Valentine's Day Special “For the love of God, do something!” You screamed desperately into the microphone of your headphones.

You were playing a match of League of Legends with your online friends. Your fingers moved quickly on the keyboard, your eyes didn’t take off of the screen, and the offenses of your friends bombed your ears. You were playing as Qiyana, sometimes you missed playing with Kayn as Zed.

"This was so winnable, and you fucked it up, man!" You exclaimed in frustration as you saw the “Defeat” sign flash on your screen.

Winter break was about to end. It's been six months since Kayn asked you to be his girlfriend. Once he graduated from high school, he signed a contract with Riot Records to become a star alongside Heartsteel. You hadn't seen him in over two months, but he always made sure to send you gifts so you wouldn't miss him so much. His gifts ranged from official Heartsteel merchandise to video games and jewelry. Your favorite gift so far was one of his silver earrings so you could match despite not being physically together.

“Nah, but how good is this Qiyana?” Your friend matched your energy, to which your other friends laughed. You wanted to keep a serious posture, but you couldn't.

"Hey, where’s Rhaast?" Your friend with his favorite waifu on his profile picture asked.

"I don't know, he hasn't reached out in a while," you lied.

You knew exactly where he was. He was in another country preparing for his last concert of his world tour with Heartsteel. After he graduated, Kayn quickly adapted to the rock star life. Spending all day writing music, meeting fans and traveling to many places with his guitar. He always sent you photos of the places he visited, the new foods he tried, and the talented people he worked with. Every day, he promised you that he would show you the world once you graduated from high school.

You had a good relationship where you were in constant communication, there was just one small problem. Your relationship was a secret. When Kayn signed his contract with Riot Records to become a star, his manager found out that he had a girlfriend. He only asked him to keep the relationship as private as possible. If he was going to be part of a boy band, the group's popularity might decrease if fans found out that a girl is the owner of his heart.

Kayn thought you would be upset with him for wanting to keep the relationship a secret, but he was surprised to find that you had no problem doing so. As an introvert, you don't like to be the center of attention. If everyone knew that you were a celebrity's girlfriend, you would lose your privacy and not feel comfortable.

Keeping the relationship private was the best for both, although it took Kayn longer to adjust to the idea. When he went on his first tour, he called you every night to remind you how much he loved you and missed you. He often told you how much he missed your hugs, kisses, and caresses. You missed him too, but it wasn't such a drastic change because you were already used to spending your nights alone playing video games or watching live streams.

You heard the sound that announced that you had received a message via Discord, and you didn't hesitate to see what it was about. It was nothing more and nobody less than Kayn. He had sent you a selfie of him with Ezreal before going on stage. He had taken it before giving his phone to his personal assistant to keep while he got busy.

“Is your girlfriend going to watch the show?” Ezreal asked him as he stretched backstage.

The loud music, the screams of the excited fans and the Heartsteel’s team running back and forth to make sure everything was okay. Kayn warmed up his muscles before going on stage. It was the last concert of the tour, and he didn’t want to ruin it. He was nervous, not as nervous as at his first concert, where he almost peed himself. Kayn still remembers that day when he saw his beautiful girlfriend in the audience for a split second and almost lost his balance. He wasn't as nervous as that time, but his hands didn't stop sweating.

“Yes, I sent him the ticket code,” Kayn answered, visibly excited.

The alarm on your phone went off. The legend “Heartsteel Concert ” shined on the screen in white letters. You smiled at the phone and closed the League tab to search the page where the event will be broadcast live.

"Hey, I'm leaving," you notified your friends as you reopened the Discord to leave the call.

“Where are you going? It's barely 7 PM,” your friend asked, confused.

You had gotten them used to the fact that you could play with them until 1 in the morning. Plus, they knew you didn't have many friends other than Rhaast and some classmates from your music class. After your confession was a success, the music class teacher asked you to help your classmates often, forcing you to make some friends.

“I'm going to watch Heartsteel’s concert,” you answered.

"Don’t tell me you're one of those crazy Heartbeats," he mocked.

“Yesterday I saw that some Heartbeats attacked another one who had gotten tickets to the last show,” another member of the group commented.

The fandom of Heartsteel grew rapidly every day. The larger the community, the percentage of aggressive fans increases. You saw every day on Twitter how the Heartbeats were fighting with other fandoms, especially with the K/DA fans. The amount of +18 fan art you had seen of your boyfriend fucking Ezreal was surprising. Although you saved a couple to bother him later.

“Well, their music is addictive,” you answered with part of the truth. “But anyway, the concert is almost starting. Bye,” and with that, you left the call.

You typed in the code Kayn had sent you so you could access the livestream. While it started, you went to the kitchen to make yourself some popcorn and grabbed your favorite chips from the pantry. You pulled a blanket off your bed and got comfortable in your chair as the screen announced the countdown.

When the timer reached zero, Paranoia's extended intro began to play. The audience screamed and applauded with excitement that the concert would finally begin after a day full of expectations. Yellow and purple lights flashed on the stage. The main screen showed the music video they had recorded for that song, while the side screens showed the spectacular entrance of the members. Yone and Aphelios were at the mixing console, they looked so focused on doing their job. Then Kayn came in, rapping the first verse.

Two sides to the story, but they never tell my side.

You kicked your feet in your seat when you saw him. He looked as cool as ever. Her pink hair with purple tips swayed against the air. He held the microphone in such a way that he could easily maneuver the change of hand. His navy blue leather jacket gleamed against the light, his crop top hugged his pecs perfectly, and the pants were as tight as they needed to highlight his figure.

"Kayn looks good!" You squealed with excitement without taking your eyes off the screen.

The concert went off normally. Ezreal singing his heart out, K'Sante interacting with fans and Sett rhyming with Kayn. You ate, sang and screamed from the comfort of your room. Kayn would sometimes fix her hair in front of the broadcast camera to proudly show off the earring you shared. You couldn't help but touch the earring in your ear proudly with a smile on your face.

It was the show’s halftime, where the band answered some questions to interact with the audience and let their bodies rest for a couple of minutes. They showed the livestream chat on the main screen behind Yone and Aphelios so they could read what the fans were saying.

“Say hello to our beautiful chat!” Ezreal asked the fans in the auditorium. The fans screamed and raised their lightsticks to the sky. You rushed to write something nice in the chat so that it would appear in the broadcast.

You: Hello! Kayn looks as handsome as ever!

Kayn quickly recognized your user among the hundreds of comments that cascaded across the screen. His cheeks flushed red, and he smiled widely at the compliment. That day he had asked the stylists to fix him as best as possible because he wanted to impress you. The effort was noticeable.

“How about we answer some questions from the chat?” Sett offered.

“That seems fine to me. EzrealLover69 asks: Who would you dedicated this concert to?” Yone announced the question, while Aphelios played a song that sounded like something that would reproduce in TV quiz shows.

“I want to dedicate this concert to my mom. Hello mom, I'm on television!” Sett responded as he waved at one of the cameras.The fans were touched.

“I want to dedicate it to Ernest, our pup,” K'Sante answered as they posted a photo of the beautiful Doberman they had adopted last month. The fans were crazy about the boys' cute comments.

"What about you, Kayn? Who do you want to dedicate this concert to?” Ezreal asked him, since it was his turn to answer.

“This tour has been very important for me because I always loved music and wanted it to be part of my life,” Kayn began while looking at the livestream camera. He paused briefly for the fans to get excited by his response. “I want to dedicate this concert to my haters. This is for those who didn't believe in me, bitches,” he said while flipping off the camera.

“I didn't expect anything less from him,” you thought as you shook your head. The members of Heartsteel laughed at the comment, while the audience went crazy because of his savageness. Kayn was drunk with the praise from his fandom. He felt good in his cloud 9, and no one could bring him down from there.

“Although I also want to dedicate it to someone very important to me… This concert is for my girlfriend,”

You choked on the popcorn you were eating. The band and the audience remained silent before the unexpected comment. A collective “what?!" resounded through the auditorium. Kayn was so comfortable in his cloud that he didn't even realize the mistake he made.

“My girlfriends! All of you! Heartbeats are my girlfriends!” Kayn clarified in an attempt to correct his mistake. Given that, there were two reactions: the fans who did not believe at all and a confused audience by the apparent mistake.

"Kayn, you idiot!" You exclaimed as you stood up from your seat. Your popcorn fell to the ground, as the chances of still being his girlfriend after that.

You walked from side to side across your room to calm your anxiety while Heartsteel featured the next song. “This isn't happening,” you thought in panic. You returned to your desktop to open Twitter and see the reactions of the fans. The clip of Kayn saying “This concert is for my girlfriend” was spreading like wildfire.

Kaynchokeme: MY SWEET BEAN HAS A GIRLFRIEND?!

Ezkaynisreal: If Kayn has a girlfriend, I'm going kms.

Daddyyone: Kayn biased be like: ☠️

ApheliosLover69: Kayn really made a mistake? 🤔

SettMeUp: KAYN IS FUCKING CHEATING ON US 😭

"They're not buying it." You thought out loud as you watched the endless threads of tweets while Kayn sang in your ear on the other tab.

The concert ended with fireworks, screams from the audience, and a shirtless Kayn. When the livestream ended, you sent your boyfriend a message telling him that you needed to talk. You had spent the rest of the concert reading Twitter threads where many fans began to expose theories of who could be the Kayn girlfriend’s and the vast majority were aiming at you.

Several fans found the newspaper reporting the first concert of Heartsteel, which was at your school when the talent show was. The students at your school, who were fans of Kayn since before he became a star, rumored that sometimes they saw him with you. But there was never enough evidence that proved there was something more than a friendship between you.

The only thing that made you look like a couple was a photo that Kayn had uploaded to his Instagram of you and the other members of the production team in the studio. There was nothing wrong with that photo. He had taken the photo of you while listening to Ezreal sing, making you look like you were part of the production. The only thing wrong with that photo was that you could see the earring that you shared, implying that their relationship is important to him, but it did not confirm anything.

Kayn called you on Discord after he showered in his hotel room. It was a video call, so you could see him shirtless and in all his glory. The window was open behind him, so you could see the lights of a darkened city.

“You saw me? It was a great concert!” He said, excited while drying his hair with a white towel. Some of his pink dye was lingering on the towel.

“Yes, it was a great concert… And a great confession! How did it occur to you to say that you have a girlfriend?!” You exclaimed in panic. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

“It was a mistake, okay? I really wanted to say “my girlfriends”, but I saw you in the chat, I thought about you and fuck up. I'm sorry,” Kayn apologized as he put the towel aside. "Just calm down."

“Calm down? There are Twitter threads where they describe how they are going to kidnap me so that you no longer have a girlfriend!” You screamed while you massage your temple to prevent a headache.

“You know how the internet is like, they're just exaggerating. You'll see that it will go away in a few days,” he tried another shot to calm you down.

“Kayn, I'm going back to school tomorrow. I'm not ready for this,” you explained your concern.

You already had problems communicating appropriately with your classmates because of how introverted you were. This was only going to make things worse. You didn't want Kayn's fame, you didn't want to be recognized, you just wanted to play video games and play guitar in the quietness of your room.

“Tomorrow, the crisis department will release an announcement where I officially say that I don't have a girlfriend and that's it, problem solved. You will have your normal life back,” Kayn explained in a calm voice.

"You promise?" You asked with a small voice.

“I promise,” Kayn responded. You could only let out a sigh that relieved your mind.

After a long video call with your boyfriend where you talked about the concert and his plans for when he returned home, you went to sleep with your head full of anxiety. The morning came too quickly. You got ready to go back to school and headed out. You decided to leave the official Heartsteel’s pins and keychains that Kayn had given you in your backpack so that people wouldn't suspect the change.

After some walking, you arrived at school and almost fainted when you saw the scene that was waiting for you. A gaggle of photographers was waiting patiently for you to show up at school. Now you not only have to anticipate your gossiping classmates, but also a bunch of reporters who care too much about the relationship of some teenagers,

You began to debate in your mind whether you should really attend on the first day. “If I enter, I will be bombarded with questions, and they are going to take many photos of me. If I don’t come in, they’re going to be more suspicious that I’m Kayn’s girlfriend.” You took too long to debate, so a paparazzo recognized you immediately.

“There she is!” He exclaimed as he ran towards you while taking photos of you. The others followed suit and quickly cornered you.

“Are you Kayn's girlfriend?!” “When did you start dating?!” “How big is he?!” It was the kind of questions that they bombed while they fired their flashes at you. You tried to cover your face from the cameras, but there were too many of them.

“No comment,” you repeated over and over again with a trembling voice while you were trying to get to the door of your school.

Not only did the paparazzi take photos of you, now your classmates were taking photos and recorded videos of what was happening. This was a nightmare. You wanted to wake up, but guess what? You were already wide awake. One way or another, you made it to the door. Two teachers kept the paparazzi away from you while you entered the building, leaving everything behind… or that's what you thought.

As soon as you stepped foot into the main building, all eyes were on you. You swallowed and just continued on your way to your living room. Several classmates from other classes approached you to ask you the same thing as the paparazzi. You avoided them as best you could, not being able to believe that everything was happening. Yesterday you were a normal girl with interaction problems, and now you were still a normal girl with interaction problems, but now you had a famous boyfriend.

You got to your classroom and everything got worse. Almost your entire class pounced on you to ask about your relationship with Kayn. You couldn’t resist it anymore. This was too much for you. Your body did the only thing your brain could think to do: run away.

Your legs were running as fast as possible to get to the music room. You went inside and locked yourself to prevent anyone else from entering. You threw yourself onto the bench there and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm your breathing. You received a text message and didn't hesitate to see who it was.

Rhaast: Have you arrived at school yet? Are you OK?

“Everything is your fault,” you thought out loud before turning off the phone to ignore the message, but you forgot that Kayn hates it when you leave him on read. Not even a minute passed by when he was already calling you.

“Hello?” You answered reluctantly as you continued to monitor your breathing.

“What happened? Why didn't you answer me?” He asked worriedly on the other end of the line.

“There are not only gossiping classmates. There are paparazzi outside the school.” You heard Kayn sigh in your ear.

“The airport was also full of them when I arrived this morning,” he said. “This is worse than I imagined. I'll pick you up.”

“No! If you come, everyone will think that we are dating,” you warned as you sat properly on the bench to pay attention to the conversation.

“You're right. I'll send someone for you to drive you to the studio. We must talk to the crisis department,” Kayn proposed. You accepted and hung up the call.

After being locked in the music room for half an hour, you saw through the window, hidden behind a curtain, that the paparazzi were still there. They were waiting for you like scavenger birds waiting for you to die so they could tear off your skin. After a while, a luxurious black car arrived and parked in front of the school. “That must be my ride,” you thought, relieved.

After receiving confirmation from Kayn that this car was your escape, you left the school and ran towards the car that was patiently waiting for you. The paparazzi caught up with you to take photos, but they didn't ask any questions. As you closed the door and asked the driver to drive off, you realized that you were not alone in the back seat. There was someone in a gray sweatshirt with the hood up, sunglasses, and a black cap. He was incognito, but what gave him away was that familiar cologne that you knew perfectly well.

"I told you not to come, you idiot!" You hit Kayn’s arm as he took off his costume as they left the paparazzi behind.

“I'm sorry! Is it a sin to make sure my girlfriend is okay?!” He exclaimed before grabbing your wrists to make you stop. You tried to move away from his body, but he wouldn't allow it. “Is this how you receive your handsome boyfriend after 2 months without seeing him?” He asked, offended.

“What are you doing here?” You asked him, tired of fighting.

“No one hurt you?” He ignored your question to inspect you from head to toe. Kayn missed seeing you in the adorable school uniform. He didn't like to wear it when he went to school, but it looked pretty good on you.

“No,” you answered in surrender.

“I missed you,” he whispered before pulling you closer to his lips.

Kissing Kayn was an indescribable experience. Having more years of practice than you, each kiss for you was better than the last one. The only bad thing is that Kayn is not one for simple, short kisses. He gives his all and this would be no exception. You could feel his passion, energy, and focus on you. His hands ran along the curvature of your waist to get more attached to you. Kayn might be the celebrity, but you were the star of the show.

His lips devoured you without remedy. He felt free and happy to have you in his arms again after months of abstinence. He liked to knead your body like he was a baker preparing dough. The softness of your lips and the warmth of your tongue provoked Kayn to want to spend the whole day kissing you.

He grabbed you by your thighs and forced you to get on his lap. His hands adapted to your butt to hold you against it. Kayn is like the tingling in your legs, the gasp that comes from a touch of static energy, or the cold in your mouth when you drink ice water after having a mint. He is the reaction to a radical change. He was rebellious, disastrous, and spontaneous. Kayn never had a plan, he likes to act on instinct. The beast inside him was in control when it came to that kind of thing. Kayn was ready to take off his clothes, but someone stopped him.

“We're here, Mr. Shieda.” The driver said dryly. Colors came to your face when you remembered that someone had been driving this entire time.

“Thank you, Kevin. Let me tip you,” Kayn cleared his throat to forget the awkward moment and took out his wallet.

Riot Records, the largest record label in the country. The reason your friends can't play cool music on their Twitch streams. Riot Records' headquarters were in the heart of the city. It was a modern and vibrant building, with contemporary design and creative spaces such as recording studios, composition areas and equipped offices. It also includes common spaces for socializing, meeting rooms and an art and design studio. The environment influences creativity, the relationships between artists and the process of music production and promotion.

Kayn led you to a conference room where there were two women. A sophisticated blonde in a suit who was in charge of the crisis department at Riot Records and a pink-haired girl, who looked familiar to you, who was in charge of the marketing department for Heartsteel. They sat face to face. You were very nervous and Kayn noticed it right away, so he took your hand lovingly.

“It's a pleasure to finally meet you. My name is Alune, I am Aphelios' sister,” The younger girl introduced herself with a friendly smile. You introduced yourself in the same way but with a weak smile due to your nervousness. "Well, since we already introduced ourselves, I'm afraid to tell you that you should break up." Alune gave them the bad news with a sad expression of being the messenger.

“What?!” You and Kayn exclaimed at the same time in shock, but then Alune laughed.

“You are so cute, obviously you don’t need to break up,” Alune said between laughs. They both relaxed upon hearing that she was just joking. "In fact, we need you to date a little more time together in the public eye."

“Why? Isn't it going to affect Heartsteel’s popularity?” You asked confused.

“Yes and no. It's true that we will lose a few fans, but it's a small investment we're willing to make,” the blonde explained with great precision and elegance.

“Really?” Kayn asked, just as confused as his girlfriend.

“Yes, the fact that you have accepted that you have a girlfriend now is the best thing that could have happened to Heartsteel. Alune opened her laptop, revealing a PowerPoint presentation about what they would talk about at the meeting.

This was the situation. Heartsteel was about to release a new single on February 15, after Valentine's Day, which will be titled: Heartbreaker. The Marketing department's plan is to take advantage of the current relationship of the most rebellious member of Heartsteel with his girlfriend, who came out of nowhere to promote it in the long run.

The plan was as follows: Step 1. Spread the tea of the relationship with the help of the paparazzi. Step 2. Send them on a date from Riot Records on Valentine's Day in a public place. Step 3. Pretend to break up in said public place, creating a total spectacle in front of the cameras and making it obvious that you were over. Step 4: Kayn announces on social media that Heartsteel will release a heartbreak song, hinting that it is about his ex. They were willing to lose some fans in the month that their public relationship lasted because they knew that they would get them back as soon as they break up.

“What do you think? Brilliant, right?” Alune asked after finishing her presentation.

“I don't know…” you commented while you were playing with your fingers as you thought at the situation

If you decided to do all of that, it would mean having to give up your precious privacy for a while. You wanted to do everything you could to help Kayn, but you didn't know if it was the right way to do it. Your boyfriend squeezed your hand gently to get your attention.

"It's okay if you refuse," Kayn whispered to you.

"I'm just scared, that's all…" you confessed, insecure.

“This is a foolproof plan. Many celebrity relationships are like this. They have fake relationships that help the two celebrities become better known,” the blonde explained with a wise air.

“Everything will be fine, you will do well. Valentine's Day will be in a month. You will return to your private life soon,” Kayn assured you as his thumb stroked the torso of your hand softly.

“Also, you can take advantage of this month to go out as much as you want. The more you guys go out, the better. You can go grab some coffee, go to the movies, maybe a motel…” Alune hinted, but the blonde nudged her to keep her quiet.

You smiled at that. The couple exchanged a knowing look at the idea. “Well, it wouldn't hurt to have a month of normal dating without repercussions,” you thought. If you were going to have to live your life in the public eye for a while anyway, what's better than to make the most of it?

“That sounds good.” You agreed to participate in this advertising stunt.

Kayn and you hang out together the entire month, like lovey doves in their nest. Kayn picked you up at school almost every day. His extravagant car caught the attention of your classmates and killed your friend with envy. He always kissed you, opened the door for you, and took you to eat at your favorite restaurants.

The paparazzi did all the work of announcing to the world that Kayn did have a girlfriend, and it was you. The Internet was filled with photos of you kissing in different places, walking down the street hand in hand, trying to avoid cameras, and sharing desserts in public. It was strange to see yourself on Twitter Trends. You enjoyed spending time with Kayn, but every date meant sacrificing a part of yourself for the entertainment of the public eye. The only thing that allowed you to kiss Kayn in broad daylight with paparazzi hovering around you was that it was one of the few ways you could support his career.

Valentine's Day was quickly approaching. Alune planned the last date. Kayn would pick you up, take you to a fancy restaurant, fight over dessert, and then you would throw the cake they ordered in his face. You wouldn't know if you could do it, but you had to try to do your best. You were not a person who gets angry easily, so you were afraid of not knowing how to act accordingly.

Alune sent you a red dress with pearl accessories. They looked expensive, so you were very careful not to ruin them. Watched some tutorials on YouTube to do your hair and makeup. It took you all morning to prepare, but you managed to highlight your best version. At dinner time, Kayn picked you up as always.

“Hi gorgeous. I hadn't seen you around here before, what's your name?” He asked you as he looked at you from head to toe, pretending you were another girl. You blushed as he took your hand to kiss your knuckles.

“I thought you had a girlfriend,” you played along.

“Yes, I have a girlfriend and I respect her a lot,” he responded with a playful smile as he pulled you closer by the waist.

“If you respected her, you wouldn't be flirting with me,” you frowned.

“Believe me, I respect her so much that I will do everything to you that I can't do to her, beautiful,” he purred into your ear before placing a kiss on your cheek.

You were shocked at his response. You didn't have anything clever you could top it off with. Kayn moved down to your neck to kiss it and gently nibble on your skin. Your body reacted to the tickling. Your boyfriend smiled as he saw you smile at the feeling.

“You always look beautiful, but today you are showing it off,” Kayn said with a smile plastered on his face.

Kayn drove without discretion, as always, while you watched the landscape pass in front of you. The nerves were consuming you inside, but you pretended everything was fine as you hummed some songs Kayn had on his playlist. You were happy and sad that this would be his last date in the public eye. He quickly noticed that you seemed to be a bit upset.

“Is something wrong?” he asked you, holding my thigh with his right hand while maneuvering the steering wheel with his left hand.

“I'm nervous. I don't know if I can do it,” you said before sighing in an attempt to relax.

“It will be like a normal date. Only this time, instead of saying goodbye with kisses, it will be with a bang. It will be fun!” Kayn explained, trying to cheer you up.

"I don't want to end our date with a bang,” you whined.

“C’mon! How many times have you threatened my mom for sucking at League?” He asked.

“But that's different. It's in the privacy of my room, no one can see me there,” you responded.

"Just think about all the times I've made you angry, and you'll see that the madness will come out on its own," Kayn said before patting your head.

You rolled your eyes and returned your gaze to the window. Kayn made it sound so simple, but it was because he was already used to that lifestyle. You wished you could adapt like him. Be as outgoing as him. That you didn't care about anything like him. But you weren't him, you were just you, and that's okay. You would get out of this your way, for your sake and Kayn's.

As soon as you arrived at the restaurant that the marketing department had chosen for you, the fierce pack of gossip-hungry paparazzi surrounded you mercilessly. Kayn completely ignored them and took you out of the car like a true gentleman. The reporters shouted questions that you couldn’t understand among all the noise. They were both instructed not to say anything, so that’s what they did.

The restaurant was illuminated by soft golden light that reflected off the ivory walls and crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. The tables were elegantly dressed with white tablecloths and covered with delicate china and sparkling crystal stemware. The soft hum of live music filled the air, complementing the lively conversation of the diners.

The date started well. They talked about their future plans, drank luxurious drinks, and the appetizer was delicious. If it weren't for the paparazzi and the publicity stunt, this would have been the best date in the world. They had started well, but they knew it would end very badly. Anxiety-filled thoughts invaded your mind again. You tried to push them away to enjoy the good things of the date, but time was passing, and you had to ruin it soon.

During the conversation, Kayn noticed that you remained somewhat distant. He reached for your hand that was subtly resting on the table to get your attention. You snapped out of your thoughts to focus on him. I smile at you and ask you how much you were thinking about.

"I was just thinking how sad it is that we're going to break up on our first Valentine's Day together," you whispered so only he could hear you.

“There will be more in the future. I promise. For now, let's focus on fixing this situation,” he said before kissing your knuckles with delight.

Since this was an Italian restaurant, they both ordered two different types of pasta that they decided to share. Kayn was trying to distract you with the pleasant conversation and caresses under the table so that you would stop thinking about the inevitable that was about to happen.

After finishing eating, the inevitable happened: the dessert they didn't order arrived at their table. It was a small cake for two decorated with strawberries and lots of cream, the perfect cake to make a mess of. You felt something brush against your legs. You looked under the tablecloth, it was a note from Kayn on a napkin. “Scold me for pretending to go on a date with another girl to make you jealous. I deserve the punishment,” you read in your mind.

You still remembered it. The reason you almost gave up on confessing to Kayn at the time. Since you thought about it, you never scold him about it. You were so happy that he was yours that you forgot to be upset with him.

“Who is Rachel?” You asked him. Starting with the performance.

“A friend,” he answered without further ado.

“Don’t lie to me! Do you think I am stupid?!” You exclaimed as you slammed the table so that all the other diners could see it.

The audience watched the scene carefully, some were recording it and others wondered where the employees were to pick them apart in case things escalated. What they didn't know is that Alune had paid the restaurant to let them do their little scene without interruptions. You were drawing out anger from a deep place in your stomach that you didn't even know existed. Kayn's eyes widened. He didn't expect you to get violent.

“What the hell is wrong with you?! You are crazy!” Kayn screamed with a frown.

“Kayn Shieda! Did you sleep with her, yes or no?!” You shouted so everyone could hear their conversation.

“She is just a friend…” he said while rubbing his temple to avoid a migraine.

"Yes or no, asshole?!" You exclaimed as if you were playing League with your friends in the privacy of your room. Kayn remained silent, he did not know what to answer. By this point, the other diners were wondering what was going on. You leaned back in the chair and pretended to cry. "Is she better than me?" You whispered between fake sobs.

"Hey, if I tell you the truth, you won’t get angry?" Kayn asked quietly. You nodded as you wiped away your non-existent tears. “Yes, I slept with her, but it was only once!” he confessed with shame.

The diners gasped in surprise in unison at the great revelation. You smiled weakly. You couldn't believe you were doing what you were going to do. You took the strawberry and cream cake and smashed it on his face. The cream shot everywhere, and you ruined your boyfriend's thin black shirt.

"Fuck you, Kayn! Lose my number! We are so done!” You exclaimed hysterically.

You ran away from the restaurant. The paparazzi rushed at you again to explain what had just happened. The only response you gave them was the middle finger. You hoped you wouldn't have to deal with them again for a long time. You got into the “taxi” that Alune had sent so that you could escape from there and return home safely.

A satisfying smile appeared on your face. Finally, everything was about to end soon. You would return to your normal life and Kayn will be able to continue feeding his fans' bad boy illusion. Your cell phone was ringing like crazy from messages from your friends, who had also inevitably found out that you were dating Kayn, asking how you were doing. You turned off your phone to recharge your social battery. Tomorrow, you would tell them everything.

When the driver turned onto the wrong street, you started to worry. You approached his seat to find out where exactly he was taking you, but he only said that he was following Kayn's orders. You didn't want to doubt his work, and you returned to your seat.

"Kayn told you to bring me to school?" You asked confused.

"Yes, he told me you would know where to go," he answered kindly.

“Thank you, Kevin. Have a good night,” you said goodbye as you got out of the vehicle.

Your heels clicked against the clean floor of the empty hallways. The front door was open, so you had no problem getting in. You felt strange being the only person there during the night. You were like a ghost in pain, wandering around the place until you reached your favorite destination. You were surprised to see a light on in the music room. You opened the door.

“Happy Valentine's Day, beautiful,” Kayn congratulated you with a large bouquet of red roses.

You blushed at the unexpected surprise. You gladly received the beautiful flowers and admired the place. It still looked like the music room, the only difference was that now there was a table with candles and a plate with your favorite sweets. It was intimate, private and romantic. It was better than the date at the restaurant. This was the best date in the world.

“How did you get here before me? When did you plan this?” You asked, not being able to believe the effort he had made for you.

“I ran off like four traffic lights to get here so I could change,” Kayn responded as he guided you to the table to sit down. He pulled out the chair for your comfort and, once seated, gently pushed you towards the table. “I had planned to do something else for Valentine's Day, but my big mouth ruined everything. Although, I wasn't going to let myself ruin another important thing for both of us, so I thought about this,” he explained as he sat down at the table.

“You're crazy,” you joked.

“Crazy for you,” he took the matter seriously.

Kayn looked deep into your eyes. He wanted to make sure you understood that he would do anything for you and that there was no one like you. You were his world, his muse, his girl and his greatest desire. They didn't need words to express their feelings for each other in a moment of complicity and infinite love.

Even though there were delicious sweets on the table, Kayn only wanted your sweet lips against his. He kept you close to his body, his hands molded to your cheeks so you wouldn't run away, and his fragrance intoxicated your nose. You couldn't imagine yourself with anyone else but him, and your kisses made it clear to him.

“I love you,” Kayn whispered between kisses.

“I love you too,” you smiled against his lips.

---

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[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

I’m newer to tumblr but an Arcana Veteran so coming across your account is a blessing 😭 your hcs are really good and I look forward to your posts!! I had an idea that I never executed on my own and i thought I might as well share it, so here goes nothing 😋

How would the M6 react to MC changing something drastic about themselves?

To be more specific, say MC always had long hair, more of a coolheaded attitude, or were always quiet and polite. And then out of the blue they’re shutting everyone out, slowly erasing almost every trace of their presence and being off the radar for a few months.

The LIs are worried because not a single soul has seen them. And then they suddenly return, and it’s like a new person, but very obviously still themselves. Shorter hair or other physical differences, soft-spoken personality, etc. But they come back to the M6 regretfully, never saying what *did* happen.

Assuming what they had was some strive for change, depression, or something else, it may be hard to explain to their dearest, but they eventually will. All they want is to be home.

just a silly idea of mine ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ



The Arcana HCs: M6 when MC changes without them

~ thanks for the ask @vegaspng! Sorry it took me so long to get around to but here it is. I'm writing this to be similar to what it's like in the recovery stages of PTSD or chronic depression, because I live for that kind of bittersweet hope. To anyone experiencing ot hoping to experience this, best of luck! You're not alone! - brainrot ~

- a little backstory-

The Devil is defeated. Vesuvia is safe. And your loved ones are building a new life with you that promises to be better than anything you can remember. Which is why you have to leave.

You've learned so much about yourself, your past, even the body you have now, and you're not sure what to do with it yet. That aside, you took on responsibilities and accomplishments the likes of which no single person could reasonably hope to carry, and you pulled it off. You didn't have to do it alone either. But now that things are going back to normal, you're stuck drifting in your own brain because you have no idea what normal is supposed to be like.

Your beloved has been wonderful. They've shown more patience than you ever asked for, listening to you process for hours and doing their best to help. You've worked through who you were after being brought back from the dead, you've worked through who you became through your fight against the devil, but you still know nothing of who you started out as. Which means you're not sure who you're supposed to be now. And you don't want to build a new life without knowing who you're building it for.

So one fine morning, you pack a bag, arrange for your absence, and kiss your beloved goodbye with the promise to return.

The journey is difficult, but rewarding. You travel across realms both magical and human, collecting traces of your past and encountering moments of who you used to be. You don't recover all of your memories, but you get the important ones. You find out who you used to be. It's less than you thought, but it's more than you had, and it's enough to move forward. So you set your sights for home and return to Vesuvia.

Your loved one is overjoyed when you return. They have a little adjusting to do, you have some mannerisms you didn't used to and they can't predict your behavior in the same way. But they're quick to recognize that it's all still you. Slowly, they get to know all the pieces you're building yourself with and fall in love with each one. And as time goes on, you get to hear about the whole thing from their point of view as well. What was it like for them, when you left? And what does life look like now that you're back?

Julian

The hardest part of you leaving was trying not to take it as a rejection of his love for you

He knows in his head why you need to do this, hell, the reason he ended up in Vesuvia was because he needed his own journey of self discovery

He just has to fight off his own inner demons telling him that you're going to realize you're better off without him and not come back

Which, for someone who found the drive to keep his own life because it had you it, can be quite the struggle

And because he's actually quite intelligent, he recognizes that it's not good to stay dependent on you to be his sole purpose in life. That's not your responsibility to carry

So he keeps faith in your promise to return, and puts all of his energy into becoming a better man for you to come home to

He spends time with Portia, getting to know her as an adult and becoming the kind of brother she says she wants and not what he assumes she needs

He seeks out time with Nazali so he can continue his medical studies and get more mentoring

He reconnects with Nadia and puts his knowledge of public hygiene to use with her plans for Vesuvia

He even manages to build a healthy friendship with Asra (who also misses you) and resolve their past toxic situationship

It's not easy, but he wakes up every morning a little more ready to face the day

When you come home, he's over the moon. Nothing and nobody can replace the happiness you bring him

He notices your changes right away, but he's too relieved to know that you actually came back to focus on them

Once you're settled back in with him and it's more apparent, he has a raging battle of opinions in his head about whether he should ask you about it or wait

He ends up asking you extremely vague, open-ended questions just in case you want to talk about it, but not letting himself pry

As time passes, he gets to know more of who you are and you begin to tell him some of the things that happened on your trip

He's fascinated, asking questions whenever you're in the headspace to answer them and connecting dots with you

He's never had the zest for life that he does now. Every night that he goes to bed with you, he's already looking forward to what the next morning will bring

And the best part? So do you. The future has never so been so desirable as it is now

Asra

They completely understand where you are coming from. In fact, they were the one who suggested the trip

He didn't suggest you going by yourself though

In the end what they care about more than anything is your happiness and wellbeing. So they'll give you every piece of advice and connection and helpful item they have, and promise to watch the shop while you're gone

But oh, he misses you desperately

When they gave up half their heart, it was in the form of their ability to have connections with other people. You being in their life covers for that

The only person he had a strong connection with before you was Muriel. And when you died, he went into the darkest, most twisted headspace he'd ever been in and did things he couldn't later comprehend

Their decision to bring you back, and the way they did it, is something you two have talked about once or twice, but there isn't much else to do besides try to forgive them and make sure it doesn't happen again

But this time, you're not alone. Which means he isn't either

Every day for the next week, someone new drops by the shop at your request to check on them

First it's his parents. Then it's Nadia. Muriel. Julian. Portia. Selasi, the baker. Natiqa on her way through town. Even Lucio at one point, with an apology letter that took months to help him write

Every time they feel like packing up and taking off until you return, they remember their promise to stick it out for you

And slowly, he begins to stay for other people too. It doesn't hit him until one month in that for the first time in his life, he's a part of a community because he's wanted there and wants to be there, not because he's with you

You're still their anchor, but now they have ties apart from you that give them a semblance of home, family, and belonging

The moment you return he's dropping everything. He will maintain some form of physical contact with you for the next 48 hours

They're one of the only people who remembers you before the plague, and seeing glimpses of that in who you are now makes them so proud and happy for you

You don't have to tell him everything right away. Though he is going to apologize profusely for every time he left you for a long trip with nothing to do but watch the shop and wait for his return

For every piece and memory you're ready to talk about, they will give you their undivided attention and then lavish the new discovery with all the affection they have

Nadia

She's torn. On one hand, her greatest joy is providing for you, so seeing the way you have an unmet need and can't come to her to fix it is hard for her

On the other hand, she perfectly understands the need to get away from it all to find yourself

And she's perfectly aware of how dominant her personality can be. You having access to your own space is very important to her

So she'll make sure you have everything you need and offer every available resource to you, and let you go

It's hard at first. You had been the one to wake her from her sleep, you had been the one to bring back her faith in herself

So without you around, her old insecurities begin to resurface. She didn't grow up in Vesuvia. She wasn't even the active ruler until several months ago

There were literal demons serving as her courtiers and she didn't do anything about them until you called them out

How is she supposed to speak with confidence if she doesn't have you to back her up?

And that's when, slowly, people start to drop by, and she's finally ready to accept their support

First it's Portia. Then it's Asra. Even Muriel drops by briefly. Julian makes a couple of calls as well

And then, it's her sisters

First it's Natiqa, crashing her lonely dinners and making her laugh with her wisecracks

Then it's Nasmira, quietly sweet talking the more stubborn courtiers into compliance

One by one, and never more than two visitors in the palace at a time, each family member stops by, taking their cues from Nadia and being her backup

And little by little, every childhood memory that haunts her gains a new light

She still gets tired of them and feels stifled every now and then, but she doesn't feel alone any more

It soon becomes known that Vesuvia doesn't just have an incredible Countess, their Countess has an army of loving supporters

When you return, she takes the next few days off and trusts her support system to handle the city for a bit

She'll ask questions, but as soon as she senses hesitation she'll give you space

She sees all these new flashes of personality in you, and as much as her heart aches for your trials, it flutters as you become more yourself

She already knew you were a worthy companion, but as you share more and more she's left in awe of who you are

The world is not ready for the power couple you two are going to make

Muriel

He understood what you needed to do right away. Going on a trip in search of his roots was exactly what ended up saving him

And getting to know you in the process was a delightful bonus

But when he realizes you're going alone, he's undeniably hurt. He's not the type to be selfish, but you went with him on his journey. He was vulnerable with you and it brought you two together

So why don't you trust him the same way? Why won't you make space for him in your life the way he did for you?

It's tricky to answer, because he makes a fair point and because he's never asked you for anything like this before

You're eventually able to explain the difference, how your trip is about finding out who you are on your own terms, when everything you've gotten so far has been on somebody else's

It's still painful for him, but he'll agree and let you go. He's not afraid of being alone

Until, for the first time in his life, he gets bored and starts wondering if someone's going to come bother him

Which is completely new. He's never had that train of thought before in his life

The closest was when Asra stayed with him and he wouldn't know if they would be back late or not

But now the hut is almost too quiet. The bed is too big. The forest is too peaceful. The eggs are too bland

And so, after two weeks of trying and failing to fall into old habits, he goes into town, grumbling under his breath the whole way

The panic that Asra greets him with when he walks into your old shop is almost enough to make him turn around and leave

Muriel? In town? By himself? Without being summoned? The world must be ending!

When he's finally able to mumble something about just wanting to visit and pick up some spices, Asra shatters a teacup

He's never been the one to surprise them before. It's fun. He could get used to this

And so, visits to Vesuvia get more frequent. Usually to the shop. Often to the palace. Several times to the community theatre, without needing to hide in the rafters

He's so relieved when you get back. You can hold a conversation with other people much better than he can

He notices the changes immediately, but he doesn't address them at all. His only desire concerning you is to be your safe place

He's come to appreciate the beauty of human complexity, so seeing new layers like this in you is heartstopping

You never have to worry about opening up. If you do, he'll accept you. If you don't, he'll accept you. He just loves you for you

Portia

Not gonna lie, it triggered her a little

She knows how this goes. You get tired of your quaint little life, you go off on an adventure without her, and you leave her to rot where she can't reach or help you with letters full of empty apologies

The conversation you facilitate between her and Julian after that rant is one of the hardest things you've ever done, but it's worth it

After things have settled, she lets you leave and holds onto the hope that you'll be back

And while you're gone, she distracts herself with work. She's got boundless energy, she needs to put that to use so she can't think too much

And so begins the craziest three weeks of her life. From the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep, she does nothing but work

Normally, you're her reason to take a break. You put her back in the main role of her own life so she can let her hair down and live the adventure she's destined for

But without you around, the only role she's used to playing is support. So that's what she does, to the point of completely forgetting about herself

It takes a burnout induced three day fever to make her pause. Especially when she begins to recover and sees the sheer number of worried faces in her cottage

Nadia's spending every free evening with her. Julian's sleeping over most nights. Mazelinka's covering the daytime with her mysteriously perfect soup and brandishing a wooden spoon to keep her in bed

It makes her realize two things. First, that while it looks different, she has her brother's tendency to take on the world's problems to avoid taking care of herself

And second, that you shouldn't have to be the solution to that

It's rough, but she learns self care. Not just an extra step in her skincare, but letting herself do something just for fun. Putting herself first

Learning to sit and do nothing without feeling guilty because nobody can make some kind of profit from it

When you get home though, it's like she can fully relax again. You give her an importance that she has to fight to hold onto otherwise

She has the hardest time giving you space. All the changes you've made are so exciting to her, she wants to hear all about your adventures and growth!

You'll have to tell her plainly that you're not ready to talk about it right away, and she'll be very understanding even if it's hard

Every time you open up, she'll hang on your every word. You two are the main characters in her story, and she can't wait for the plot to develop with you by her side

Lucio

He doesn't make it easy for you to leave

He doesn't mind you going on a trip! Trips are fun! And even when they're serious and scary, like what he had to do with you in the Arcana's realms, they're always better with a loved one!

So why are you trying to go without him? Who's going to protect you?!

And equally important, who's going to be with him?!

He's thoughtless sometimes, but he's not dumb. He knows he's a better man because of you

And he also knows that he's not perfect. Deep down under all that bluster and ego, he's still a kid who never learned to love

You helped him with that. You unraveled every tangled oopsie with him, you didn't flinch when you saw the worst of him, and then you picked up his forgotten heart and filled it up with love

So why else would you be leaving except because you finally realized that he's not worthy of you?

You're able to explain it to some extent. You need to go on a journey similar to his. Only you need to do this by yourself because it isn't about fixing oopsies, it's about finding out who you used to be

He'll let you go because it's what's best for you. And he believes you when you say you'll come back. But what he can't bring himself to tell you is how afraid he is that who you used to be won't be able to love him

When you kiss him goodbye, he resigns himself to it being the last he'll ever get

At first he sulks. He crashes people's parties and picks fights with every bandit he encounters

But when he has the option to get blackout drunk? Take all the goods from the bandits for himself on top of the bounty money?

He can't

You taught him the importance of taking responsibility for his actions. Well, you made him a good man. So you're going to have to take responsibility for that and give him the chance to prove himself worthy of you

Which he does. He wakes up early. He moderates his drinks. He does the jobs he finds. He saves the money he earns

When you get back and fling your arms around him, his knees buckle from relief

He can tell you've changed, but it's okay if you don't want to talk about it. He can tell you all the ways he's changed instead!

If you were worried about his reactions when you do open up, you quickly realize you don't have to be

He doesn't expect you to be perfect. All he wants is for you to be you, for you to be happy, and for him to be the one you choose to do that with

[ginsengkitten]

��� Beautiful Dangerous ༻

༺☆༻

Chapter Twelve

A New Life

"Y/N Monologue"

"If I knew the way the world was, what it would really be like- once I left that hospital and walked out into that rainy night in the west parking lot to meet the mystery writer who came to my rescue, had I known, I don't know if I really would have left so quickly.”

-

That night, a plain clothed Sister Graham had come to your rescue. In a heartbeat, you jumped in and the two of you took off. It was a thrill to the both of you, to leave that place. She had explained how she was forcefully retired due to her lack of “passion”. She explained that she would like to go see her sister back west and thought to smuggle you along with her. The two of you prowling the states in her shotty volvo. It was until one night in a motel that the plans had suddenly made a drastic change.

-

You lied on the sheets of the creaky floral bed, the half busted television illuminating the dark motel room. The Saturday night MTV broadcast was running as usual, it had been months since you last watched television. Hoping to catch something of substance before hitting the road again in the early morning. It was around 9pm when a familiar tune echoed out from the Tv that made your ears perk up. Words for a music video titling on the screen. It was a playback recording of a Guns n Roses concert from the week prior! You grappled your way to the edge of the bed, face at full attention to the screen now. Wow this is them just a week ago performing at a venue in LA. This performance began and seemed almost more polished than the ones you were used to. It became apparent that some sort of creative direction was being applied here. Pyrotechnics burst out behind the band. Carefully curated recording angles for dramatic effect- and - a plethora of scantily clad women sprinkled along the stage itself. Intertwining their bodies with the band and the rhythm. It seemed so….strange. Your fight for a glimpse of Slash was apprehended with a sour sight that suddenly turned your blood cold but your face red hot. A beautiful bombshell swayed herself around Slash as he played out in total enjoyment. Her long nails, soothed over his body as he performed on stage. An unfamiliar smile of greedy drunken stupor washed over his face. His enjoyment of this. This- orgy like display. The way he responded to her touch was organic and seemingly so- real? He seemed happy. So happy and so alive. Energy flowing through his fingertips and the strings as the woman lustered her self practically into his body it seemed. Her own devious grin of enjoyment too. You had seen enough. You shut the Tv off and scrambled back onto the edge of the bed in shock and disgust. This was merely a week old. Look at him. Happy, thriving.

The idea that you belonged in his picture became idiotic in this moment. The familiar echo of betrayal made its way back into your heart. Nausea waved over you as you stunned. All of this, all of this love, pain, yearning, sorrow- for what? For him to be the happiest he’s ever been? For him to be crawling with beautiful women? For him to be on MTV? What reason could he have to want you in this perfect new life he has found? His beautiful face flashed into your mind with a sting. Just as quickly, your own reflection blurring into view in the mirror on the wall beside you. Look at yourself, you thought.Tears had gone past welled and altogether escaped your eyes. You wanted to cry, really you did, but they just didn’t fall this time. You were so exhausted. Defeated. Alone.

It was in the same breath that fury engulfed your every cell. Forcing you to hurriedly pack what items you had with you and dart from the motel before Sister Graham could exit her shower. Broken inside, all you wanted now was to escape everything. Every piece of that girl that lived that life. And the life before it. You wanted nothing to do with any of it anymore.

The neon motel sign showered a hazey glow onto the dark street. A familiarity impressed you with the neon lights. As they always had. Just like the glittering signs up and down sunset. After reaching a small Main Street, you left your run now down to a slow waltz in the dark. Unsure of where to turn next exactly. A thumb stuck out along the lonely highway in the late evening hours. An hour stringing by without a single bite until an unsuspecting pickup truck rolled up along side the curb. With a window rolled down, you met your gaze with a beautiful, stunning woman. A glamorous sight, the most well tailored lady with an extravagant updo and glitter lined eyes. She eyed you precariously.

“Honey you better have a death wish standin out here in the night like this. Ain’t your daddy ever teach you stranger danger? You must be out a your damn mind girl.” The woman scorned sweetly. Her voice was deep and warm.

You stared blankly.

“Where you heading anyways baby?” She asked in a motherly and comforting voice, as if she’d raised you herself.

“I’m not really sure honestly….away from here?” You shrug at the ground.

Another figure ducks forward from the passenger seat. An equally beautiful woman pokes her head over examining you through her cigarette. “We got places to be child, you gettin in or what?” She grumbled in a less friendly manner. Her voice also a warm but deep tone. The first woman rolled her eyes at this remark. “Ignore her. Come with us.” She kindly motioned her head to the backseat.

“You damn lucky we was driving here girl, could have got your stupid ass chopped up like liver out here!” The second woman joked in a lighter, less mean, manner as the truck rumbled down the road. The cab smelled of sweet perfume and somehow, a feeling of uncertainty, but safety, befell you, and you knew wherever you went next, you vowed to leave the old you behind. Here in this town, on this curb, on this highway. A grave of who You once were settled to rest as you drove towards your new life.

[biconickyoshi]

Hi! The Zukaang prophecy dream person here. What you said about a lot of people not even considering Aang and Zuko as a ship made me think. Following that thought, I fell down a rabbit hole that turned into something a lot deeper than just shipping discourse. I'm not a professional psychologist or anything, but I hope some of my insight on this topic is interesting. I apologise in advance for so many words to read!

As a kid I remember being very clueless about romance. I never really interpreted Aang's affection towards Katara as romantic at all, and I honestly have no idea why, since they literally kissed on screen multiple times. So that's why, for years, I remember trying to find a ship that I would like, yet nothing seemed to click just right. That is until the Avatar Renaissance of 2020 when a lot of new people joined the fandom, and a flood of new discussions arose, way different than it used to be years ago. It made me realize that the core of the issue lies in Aang himself. At least that's my own theory, feel free to disagree. A lot of popular avatar ships include everyone from the main cast, but rarely ever Aang himself, apart from the canon Kataang. In all aspects, Aang is an unconventional protagonist, one unheard of at the time. He is a monk, he is a pacifist, he is a vegetarian. For an average kid or teenager in 2005, I don't think much of these aspects are too relatable. We were and still are used to seeing agressive, determined teenage protagonists, ready to beat up the bad guy at any opportunity. That's what was considered "cool". So a bald 12 year old boy with an arrow on his head who grew up in a temple, surrounded by monks, who avoids hurting people, even those who wiped out his entire nation, is simply foreign. You often hear arguments against Kataang: he is too young for her, she sees him as a little brother, they simply don't fit. Those are all false statements, as rewatching the show without bias you can clearly see them love each other deeply and mutually. Aang is a child, but he is a person too, someone with his own values and principles, and so is Katara. To me, both of them are deserving of love, Aang is deserving of Katara's love.

I am now going to talk about the genocide of the air nomads, as I think I can provide a unique perspective on this. I am Ukrainian. The russian invasion of my country has been going for 10 years now, but two years ago specifically my whole world turned upside down when russia launched a full scale invasion, intending to conquer all of Ukraine. A lot of my beliefs of how the world worked changed drastically. Seeing myself from years ago in people from around the world, not yet knowing war, I think this is something you have to experience yourself to truly understand what it means for another nation to want yours erased from existence. Aang's entire nation is gone. Everyone. No one is alive, not a single person. I don't think many people truly let that sink in. He has to keep going every day with the knowledge that the world he is in doesn't have a place for his nation anymore. He has nowhere to go and no one to come to. He has the gaang, and that's wonderful, but it's not the same. He is the only person in the entire world who truly bears this pain. To me, imagining that for myself, is an indescribable horror. To imagine having no place to come back to, living among strangers who know nothing of you and your people. Yes, he has the temples that preseve history, but how much of them has been destroyed? Even the people at the Northern air temple, although fleeing a disaster, still contributed to the destruction and loss of that history.

Yet, bearing this unimaginative hurt, Aang is able to forgive. He is able to make peace with his loss, and let go of his feelings of rage. He wants to see good in the Fire nation people. And through that, he is the only one who can truly see Zuko as he is. Having let go of anger and hurt, he can see the genuine wish Zuko has for atoning for his family's sins. He can literally see through him, all his feelings and thoughts, like no one else. He holds no grudge, no hatered for him. If you ever have a war, genocide unleashed on your country, you would know how impossible it is to forgive. Yet, Aang, as the avatar, has no choice but to do just that, to let go. I think that alone makes Aang one of the strongest people in the avatar universe.

But how is this relevant to the Aang ships being dismissed? Circling back, to me, this is a matter of understanding. People resonate with Katara for her experience as a younger sister, thrown into the role of a mother figure, for her experience as a teenage girl in a sexist world, someone with a desire to become stronger despite being denied that opportunity, be it by the circumstances or by someone stronger than her deeming her "unworthy". People resonate with Sokka for his struggle to become a reliable leader, for his insecurity being the only one without a special "talent" (aka bending). Toph for her sheltered upbringing and parents that are unwilling to see her as more than just her disability. Zuko for his struggle with his identity, his own values versus those forced upon him, an abusive household, repressed emotions and anger, being a sibling of someone way more naturally talented, coming to terms with the hurt he has caused and atoning for it. But what can people find in Aang that resonates with them? All of what Aang is, is grand and bigger than yourself. I relate to Aang as someone whose nation is being subjected to genocide, but is that a common experience? I'm sure that nowadays a lot more people came to appreciate Aang's character more, but as a child in the 2000s, would you really say you saw yourself in Aang as much as you saw yourself in Sokka, Katara, Toph or Zuko?

In conclusion, my theory is that, because of how unique Aang has been written, that prevents people from seeing him as someone they could imagine in a relationship with someone else. After all, how can you write about someone you don't share many life experiences with? How do you write them in love? How do you make someone so different from you come to life?

Anyway, thanks a lot for reading all of my brain vomit. Avatar is truly a goldmine for character analysis and study. Would really love to hear what you think!

I absolutely loved reading your analysis on Aang's character, anon. I agree wholeheartedly with everything you've brought up here. I think it's so true that many people (whether they're conscious of it or not) view Aang through a certain lens due to how unconventional of a protagonist and person he is. To many, he's not "supposed" to be the one who "gets the girl". He's not your stereotypical handsome/buff/rugged teenage boy protagonist; he's small, kind, goofy, and pacifistic. And I think in general that people find it difficult to wrap their heads around a male character like Aang not conforming to Western and/or patriarchal society's expectations/conventions when it comes to behavior and overall physical appearance. I think this also results in a lot of people unconsciously infantilizing Aang and having a hard time viewing him in a shippable way.

It's also interesting that you brought up Aang's almost "otherness" when it comes to the world he finds himself in when he awakens from the iceberg - he is the last one of his kind in a world where nobody remembers his people. He's from a culture that is vastly different from the ones that remain in the world. His philosophy, mannerisms, gender expression, appearance, etc. are all completely unique, not only canonically in the post-genocide AtLA world, but in our world as well, especially in the West.

The fact that despite everything Aang has been through, despite all the atrocities he has witnessed, he still is able to remain true to himself at his core through to the very end is so moving to me. Aang will always be my favorite character all time simply because of who he is. Even as a kid, I loved him so much - I never had a crush on Zuko or Sokka, it was always Aang. He represented not only the type of person I would want to be, but also the type of person I would want to be with. And sure, he's not perfect, but that's another one of the many things I love about him - he's human, he makes mistakes.

I feel like I could say more, but you already wrote so much good stuff in your analysis, and I'm not sure if there's much I could add haha.

Also, thank you for sharing your perspective as someone who lives in Ukraine - I can't imagine how difficult it must be to be dealing with all of Russia's BS the past decade, and especially recently. I sincerely hope you're staying safe and healthy! <3

[originalaccountname]

re: mori's (and yosano's) conspicuous absence:

tbh i have at this point not even an itty-bitty idea how bds is going to end, but it's going to be hilarious if adachitoka manages to make mori the real "final final boss" while keeping him in-character. i don't think this is what's going to happen, and kind of hope it won't, but it would be funny.

i mean, he's someone that always put whatever his current "greater goal" is above everything else, people around him and himself included. someone who lies when says he has no regrets, because what's done is done. water under the bridge. can't turn it back, am i right? *looks at the book* right?? i always thought of him as someone not interested in changing reality, someone who doesn't really want the book, but who knows. maybe if he ever had it in his hands all his doubts and feelings he buried would've come back with vengeance.

hm, yeah, I could see his! If the stars aligned just right, and he decided he could use the Book for his perceived "greater good" instead of locking it up/sealing it away again/destroying it. I'd also appreciate him taking it, but changing his mind before doing anything too drastic in an uncharacteristic change of heart. That'd be some nice character development (because as we've seen, he hasn't learned a single thing since the war and keeps repeating the same mistakes over and over and over)

While rewatching the anime, the scene where Ango talks about chief Taneda's moral stance came up, and I thought about how him and Mori are similar. Taneda said that he'd gladly sacrifice one life if it meant saving a hundred. Counting overall numbers over considering individuals is something they have in common. The ADA is a lot less likely to let a sacrifice slide for the furthering of their end. If the Book came to be between all of them, I'm not sure what would happen.

But right now I need to know where Mori and Yosano are! I know it's not their story unravelling so they're somewhere backstage waiting for their turn, but Yosano should be with the ADA during this very dangerous operation! She wasn't with Lucy and Kyouka either! She was supposed to heal Margaret, is that where she is? Hawthorn is dealt with (stuck in Anne's room), so it's not as pressing, but they did have a debt to pay to Fitzgerald...

[soaringwide]

The Archetypes of a Plutonic person

In modern western astrology, Scorpio is ruled by Pluto, and by Mars in Traditional astrology. I will focus on the former for this post.

I am a Scorpio rising, with the Moon and Pluto in my first house in that sign, aspecting a lot in my chart. I wanted to reflect on what it is, the impact it has on one's personality and experience of life.

(Divider bellow is made by me, please do not use)

The Phoenix

People with heavy plutonic placements often say they've lived multiples lives, in the sense of having worn multiple identities throughout the years, following drastic changes that are reflected on the outside.

Because a key word of heavy pluto influences is transformation. The ability to change everything about you and to be born anew. I've myself been through so many strange and harrowing experiences that I felt like a different person time and time again.

It's the tendency to go through cycles of destruction and creation. Sometimes caused by a harrowing experience that hit you from the outside, like the sudden death of a loved one, an intense spiritual experience, a mental health crisis, a tower moment, if you will. However sometimes it comes from the inside, like a deep restless knowing that there is a need to shed old skin once more.

And you must always answer the call. Because, to not do it would feel like death, and there is this intense pull towards life, and really to these people, life is about constant change, movement and evolution.

There is this idea of transmuting into something more by bonding and merging with something else, be it a person or a thing. To be a being of passions and feverish obsessions. Constantly absorbing new ideas and letting them shape who you are.

It's the necessity to learn to let go when you need to... but paradoxically to also struggle to at times, because there is this knowing that once you've closed the chapter, things will forever be different. And I deeply know the heaviness of it. It's especially true of pain. Strangely enough it's once thing that's hard to let go. Grief, regrets, traumas, sometimes one can identify with it so much that releasing it feels like losing a part of yourself.

The Lover

I briefly mentioned that above, but yeah, passions and drive are two massive other keywords.

There is that need to seek intensity in experiences. Everything plutonian do is motivated by the deep desire to feel as much as possible from something, because you want to get to the bottom of it and that means feeling it with every fibers of your being, losing yourself a bit in the process but not fearing it because you know you will find yourself on the other side of the tunnel.

That's why the Lover is an archetype, and it goes beyond romantic love. It's being a Lover of Life itself. A quest to see yourself in the mirror of the Other, the Other being each living and non-living thing you become enamored with.

There is beauty in losing yourself and absorbing something else in the process. A passionate kiss that makes time stop for a moment. A moment of eternity that makes everything fall into place.

The Seer

This is about being able to see what lies under the surface, and to be fair, it's so natural to plutonian that they may forget that not everyone sees the world like that. Sometimes you may doubt to see anything at all and need constant reminders and reassurance.

These placements often indicates a strong pull towards esoterism and perhaps psychic abilities. As always you're free to explore that or not but it's something I notice in myself and others.

Beyond the esoteric, it's the ability to see people for what they really are, to see beyond the social masks we all wear, and I'm thankful for my other placements, because in my case, I tend to see the best in people and don't hold grudges for their faults because I can see mine clearly as well.

It's quite exhausting to be fair and is the reason why I spend most of my time in a bubble, shielding myself from the world around me, peaking outside of it when I feel like it, because to live outside of it fully is not sustainable, or a least I haven't found the way yet.

The Ruler

Last theme I will go over is the Ruler. There is often this idea thrown around that plutonic people have some type of aura or power about them that people notice. And to go back to myself once more, I can definitely feel it and can sort of manipulate that pulse when I focus on it.There's a lot to say about it considering non-fluffly glamour magic and stuff...will go back to it in a future post.

However you need to be mindful of the impact of your words and actions, because it is easy to know where to hit if you want to hurt or heal, which is why it is paramount to cultivate a sense of justice, balance and empathy so that you don't become a tyrant.

I've once been told that to be a good leader, you must first learn to be a good ruler to the kingdom of yourself. That means ruling with fairness, balancing kindness and resolve, and really embracing the positive traits of that archetype and mellowing the negative ones.

Because I truly believe these placements are not to be feared or hated and can do so much good, as long as you don't exhaust your empathy in the process.

[layaboutace]

Clara Oswald and River Song are strange in that they are completely unrelated characters, yet have similar character traits and a unique relationship with the doctor. they are also similar in their rather inconsistent writing, with Clara having a terrible opening and disappointing ending, with an amazing in-between, and River having an amazing opening and ending, while having a terrible in-between.

clara was so disappointing from her first episodes, zero chemistry with matt smith and just a terrible plot line that showed absolutely nothing about her personality, she was so underdeveloped that they could simply switch her job from nanny to teacher out of nowhere and nothing would change. however when the 12th doctor showed up, its almost like she regenerated as well into a better more realistic character! not only does she have an entire seen life outside of the doctor, but the doctor effects her and brings out her worst character traits. she tries to be like the doctor and her curiosity becomes carelessness and her sharp wit becomes pathologic lying to her boyfriend, she becomes reckless and somewhat cruel, immitating the man that she used to criticize for having those traits, she becomes addicted to traveling with the doctor, and to the doctor himself. its very interesting in how it effects the doctor as well, because no matter how deep clara gets into her dark side, the doctor is always by her side, helping her, even when she betrays him, even when she does something stupid, hes always read to be by her side. their dynamic is complex and in many ways toxic, and its very interesting! the ending of season 8, with clara lying to the doctor about danny coming back, and the doctor lying to clara about finding gallifrey, would have been a perfect ending, its them looking at each other and hugging, to hide their true faces, what the doctor had taught clara to do. last Christmas, the season 8 Christmas special, would have also been a perfect ending, the doctor and clara going on one last adventure in a dream, and the doctor reuniting with an old clara was beautiful, as the two opened up to each other about their lies. then it didn't end and surprise its another dream shes actually young. i don't like this at all, but i really like what they did at the end of season 9. face the raven is claras 3rd perfect ending, its the drastic conclusion to all the negative traits her relationship with the doctor has brought out in her, and she pays the price for it, dying tragically attempting to be clever. and then it doesn't end. heaven sent was a perfect finale for this, with the doctor battling with grief before overcoming it. except he didn't now its time for hell bent, and messy conclusion with some of moffats worst moffatisms all in one episode with messy themes and a terrible ending. i like the idea of clara traveling on her own, I don't like her evading death, yes she will die eventually, but still becoming doctorlike wasn't her end, it brought her to come back and then mess with the mind wipe device, making the doctor forget about her, she in the end is rewarded with effective immorality and a tardis of her own for being like the doctor. the doctor isn't even rewarded for being like the doctor thats often what makes him so lonely! its so sad because she had 3 perfect outs and for her actual ending it was completely flubbed of any thematic closure for a happy ending with immortal clara.

Similarly, river song has a rocky history of quality. silence in the library is an amazing opening, and it perfectly sets her up as an engematic reccuring character by making you ask the right questions while making her an actual intriguing character, unlike season 7b clara who often came across as a plot device. however after that she completely falls apart. she is a femme fatal written by a straight man who wants her to step on him. she is in love with the doctor and her whole life revolves around him and she lives for the few days she sees him and she loves him so. she have zero chemistry with matt smith, something she shares with most people interacting with matt smith, so I don't buy their Romance, I don't buy that they did the dirty, seriously i hate that in season 5 11 was pretty definitively asexual but after that hes kissing lesbians without consent and making innuendos with his sonic screwdriver! Her story is also makes no sense, its overly complicated the way moffat loves to write things and has zero emotional payoff. her being amy and rorys kid is something that i don't like as a concept, but if it was done well i could roll with it, but its not done well and has zero emotional pay off for anyone involved. this is compounded by the second twist that mels, Amy and Rorys best friend since childhood who was literally never mentioned until now, is actually river, who can regenerate! not only do amy and rory not have a reaction to it, but afterwards its just never mentioned and they just roll with it??? its just incredibly poor writing, im sure river is better written in the big finish stories, but in the actual stories, shes one of the most poorly written characters in the show. however, she has an amazing ending. the husbands of river song is an amazing episode that shows river as a character who has an interesting life outside of the doctor, she has amazing chemistry with capaldi, and is just a really fun episode, with a sad but satisfying ending to rivers story. honestly both these characters suffer from some of moffats worst qualities in his writing, and while i would say river got the worse end of the stick, clara is still let down by her terrible introduction and ending

[farasen]

Leon BPD post

Now, a little disclaimer beforehand: I'm not an expert in mental diseases nor personality disorders, I'm not a psychiatrist or even a psychologist, my knowledge is pretty surface-level. I'm not affirming anything and understand that this is a children's cartoon so the following is nearly impossible to be true, and I'm definitely not trying to offend anybody on purpose. It's just me mumbling about my headcanons, and I'll be interested in hearing your ideas about Leon's mental state, cause he's truly a character tbh.

First of all, what is BPD or borderline personality disorder? It's a mental condition in which person's has drastic mood swings, instability in relationships and self-image.

One of the biggest signs of BPD is fear of abandonment, which Leon clearly shows in s1e8. Actually this is the episode that makes you question his mental health state the most, but I digress. So, in this episode he struggles with feeling left out because of all the lies of some dude, though he never had a good reason to even consider this. That could be connected to paranoia, as he most likely assumed the worst about others and how they view him if his initial thought is that his friend are ganging up on him.

That also leads us to another sign of bpd: unclear self-image. In the same episode Leon has these moments where everyone saying that they should leave him behind and kick him out of the group. Thus, we can assume, that deep inside Leon is not that confident. Furthermore, he always does something to make himself seem to be the best. For example, s1e2 where he wants to be the one to score the final goal or s2e12 where he almost leaves the team to live his dream.

Those moments mentioned above in the 8th episode can be considered as a sign of dissociation too. That is when he breaks down after reading "Marlon's" letter. The voices he hears and the whole change of the surroundings into gray, which, I guess is an artistic choice, however, it still represents him being at his lowest and losing touch with reality.

Another very important sign of bpd is instability in relationships. That often goes along with black and white thinking, which means there's no gray area for those people. It can lead one to either adore or absolutely despise a person. And sometimes the switch can happen in the blink of an eye. Now I don't really remember Leon having a "favorite person", but he does change his attitude towards people who do not what he's expecting from them. Take s1e9 for example, Leon changes his opinion about Markus after finding out he was playing for the other team. While it seems reasonable at first, later on he still refuses to change his mind and even acts as if he doesn't know him. Or in *guess what episode* 8. Marlon immediately becomes his enemy after some lies in the school newspaper. And it's not only about his brother, but the whole team, since all of them were saying bad words about him in his delusions. Also s2e4, a moment with Willi. Yes, everyone thought he abandoned them, but Leon was the first to jump into conclusion...again.

What can also outline bpd is mood swing. Honestly, I can’t remember Leon having those, but I remember one moment from s1e3 where they all came to the field and Leon was like «screw it, I’m out». Maybe that counts as a mood swing? Also, perhaps, the way he acted in the 8th episode can also be considered as a mood swing

Speaking of impulsiveness, it’s definitely s1e1 when he challenges Siegers without thinking. Plus he gets in verbal arguments a lot, though it's more about anger issues.

Now let’s count how many BPD symptoms he has:

Fear of abandonment - yes

Unstable relationships - yes

Unclear or shifting self-image - yes

Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors - yes

Self-harm. Suicidal behavior – no, but obviously you can’t put that in the kid’s show

Extreme emotional swings – mmm, even though there are some moments with it, I wouldn’t say so

Chronic feelings of emptiness - no, not really

Explosive anger - yes

Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality – yes

6/9 which is enough to get diagnosis.

Another question that can occur: why is he like that?

Well, things that cause BPD can be different, but we wanna look at the child neglect. I’ve already talked about Wessel’s family, but I feel like I need to mention it again. So my theory is that their mother left when they were still at the young age, so their dad had to raise his sons by himself. That could’ve caused trauma for Leon, which later progressed into BPD.

In conlusion,

And I think that’s all I wanted to say. Idk, if you liked this stuff I might do a similar thing with the rest of the gang.

[mahi-does-some-art]

What is Sakuya's reaction to Mahiru becoming a succubus?

Mahiru ends up telling Sakuya in his room or somewhere where they both were alone.

If a succubus doesn't feed, they get sick and sicker the longer it goes on. Mahiru was *very* sick for a while before figuring everything out and fed and suddenly he was in tip-top shape again! Like he was never sick.

The drastic change was suspicious to Sakuya and he got worried. Sakuya decides to confront Mahiru and question him about it.

Now, this is all because of a guilty little headcanon of mine that Sakuya and Mahiru swear to not lie to each other again when it comes to important things. Mahiru lied to Sakuya about nothing being wrong in the beginning of the manga, Sakuya lied about being human and many other things that had weight to them, they'll never do it again if they can help it. Paired with ANOTHER headcanon I have for Sakuya*, Mahiru can't avoid telling the truth to him anyways.

Mahiru isn't going to lie to him about it and at the time only Kuro and Sloth knew about his "turning into a succubus" shtick. So when Sakuya asks him what's wrong and really going on, Mahiru lays all the trust he has in the other in front of him.

"...Ok but you have to promise not to freak out."

Sakuya looks at him incredulously. "...Huh?"

"Promise you won't freak out!"

"Ok! Ok. I won't freak out."

And Mahiru takes a very deep, very grounding breath.

"I'm turning into a succubus."

Sakuya just stands there, unsure of how to react. "...What?"

"I'm turning," Mahiru says slower, quieter. "into a succubus."

Silence. And then Sakuya laughs, and laughs as his face scrunched with a slurry of troublesome, mixed emotions.

*Because he can tell when people are lying. He always knows because that's the passive power he had gotten when Tsubaki make him a subclass. Lie detector. A little ringing in the back of his head that drives him crazy when someone in ear-shot lies and drives him crazier when one comes out of his own mouth.

There's no alarm in the back of his head. As much as he wishes, for once, someone would be lying to him, it was truth.

But that doesn't stop anyone from being doubtful, from some denial.

"But." He takes a breath. "How can something like that happen...?

"Something happened during the last fight and apparently my, uh….. dad, was part succubus and I had the gene. And during the fight, it started to wake up from being dormant? And now I'm kind of... slowly turning into a full-blooded succubus??"

No alarm. He's getting visibly more stressed by the second. "That's-- Mahiru, you've got to be kidding me? Something like that has to be impossible... I mean I'm not saying that succubuses or whatever don't exist but I don't think a human can turn into one." He's shifting in his spot, hesitantly reaching out to check Mahiru's forehead. "Are you sure you're not still sick??"

"...You don't believe me." And Sakuya feels his sanity slip from between his fingers.

"It's not-- I just--"

"I have proof!" Mahiru says, nearly yelling and reaches for the hem of his shirt, and Sakuya has no idea what to expect but starts screaming anyways. About? He has no idea, he has no idea what's coming out of his mouth.

But he's silenced when his hands don't stop Mahiru's in time and his shirt is pulled up to his collarbones. He can't even enjoy the rare sight of his bare skin with the weird black appendage wrapped around his midriff.

His eyes are burning holes into the thing as it unfurls itself and starts swinging around not unlike a cat's. Mahiru turns around for him to see where it connects on his lower back.

Sakuya feels like he's gonna pass out. And then goes back on his promise and starts freaking the fuck out because this was not what he was expecting???!? what the fuck???? what the fuck!!!!!!

Mahiru has to try to calm him down and Sakuya keeps looking at the tail swishing behind his best friend in worried frustration and wills it to be an illusion. A trick of the mind and that he'd wake up in a second in his bed drenched in sweat. Neither of them have that kind of mercy.

Once they both calm down Mahiru explains it a bit more thoroughly. Sakuya is white-knuckled clutching one of Mahiru's pillows, both sitting on the bed, nodding along and trying to keep his head from spinning.

The demonic energy from the fight, paired with Mahiru's close proximity to Pandora and the Saint had jumpstarted the sleeping inhuman gene and once it was awake there was no stopping it from growing. And it's only because of the immeasurable amount of energy there that it happened at all. Sloth by himself wouldn't have been strong enough to rework someone's genes.

But now that it was *there*, it was feeding off of the little demonic energy supplied through the Servamp bond and Mahiru's own lifeforce to sustain itself enough to start changing the body. It was killing Mahiru in order to come to the surface. And now Mahiru needs to have sex and be a bottom in order to stay healthy.

He's kinda like a vampire in that regard-- He doesn't exactly need food anymore but he needs to feed on this specific thing.

Sakuya is just nodding his head and about passes the fuck out when he gets told about a succubus's natural aphrodisiac and charms in order to lure in prey.

By the end of it, they're both with their heads in their hands.

"But yeah. Long story short, my dad was part succubus, I was human but not anymore. And now I have to deal with that forever I guess."

Sakuya freezes. Lifts his head from his palms.

"Wait, you know your dad??"

And Mahiru pales.

"...My biological father is Touma Taishi."

"WHAT THE FU-"

[theneighborhoodwatch]

I literally just understood the basis of Wally's character for the first time. The main one who interacts with the audience and in the world for the audience, that one character who's always asking the really basic/fundamental questions about their reality inside the show. I don't think I've ever thought about the implications of "this character who has supposedly existed in this reality somehow seems to have no idea about how any of reality functions and must have it explained by a friend or family member" before. Wow! Horrifying

i think it's gonna be a long time before any of us are really able to figure out what lies at the core of wally darling's character, but his status as an audience surrogate definitely feels like a HUGE part of it. in particular, an audience surrogate who becomes self-aware not because he failed to properly embody this role or because he was dissatisfied with it, but because he was so devoted to this role that he became aware of the reason behind its creation - behind his creation.

i'm a little worried that i won't be able to say much about this aspect of wally that i haven't already said on this blog, but one thing in particular i've been thinking about since i got this ask is something i mentioned very briefly in this post:

“wait,” you might say. “doesn’t tampering with the site technically count as him adapting/evolving past his original role as audience surrogate?” “yes 8]” i would say. i would not elaborate, and then we would move on.

wally is not as slow on the uptake as one might first assume. as far as i can tell, he can learn without an audience to learn on the behalf of. he can grow and change, even without an audience. perhaps even because he was without an audience for some time.

but that isn't how he was meant to exist. that's not what he was created to do, so he's not going to entertain that thought for longer than he absolutely has to. of course, we don't know how long he expects to have to entertain it, but thanks to the laws of Dramatic Irony, something tells me that A.) he might have to put up with it for much, much longer than he thinks and B.) it might take him and his friends in a drastically different direction than he expects. after all, once you learn something like [gestures vaguely] that, there's no way to unlearn it.

but as always, we won't know whether or not any of this is actually the case for a while.

(side note: here's an ask from clown's blog that i thought was interesting, but couldn't work into my response naturally.)

[izacore]

I'm ashamed to be a louis fan at the moment. I used to post him and his music all over my socials but some of my followers only know him for his public image and I don't want them to associate me with the kind of person that straight louis is. I don't know what happened to h and l after covid that change their perspective about the world so drastically, because they are not the same person. What happened that they now value money more than anything? And don't tell me they don't, because the last two years proved it.

And I'm not saying that you shouldn't continue with your dream and with the desire for more money, but they are already millionaires (billionaires if you use my country's currency) why are they desperate for more?

Please I'm not accusing them of being greedy or something like that I'm just stating facts here. They started to value their careers and the money it brings above more important things like health, family, rest etc.

Their way to interact with fandom has changed too once they decided to use stunts as a way to make us look more stupid to others. Before they were on our side but now it looks like they are on their management or whatever rich white guy side. Both of them. If they started to believe the lies or were convinced that this is worth is another story, the fact is that they changed their mind and we as fandom don't know if there's some big plan or if they are just lost. But what I really know is that it has always been hard being a larrie but since 2021 it's been a hell of an awful experience. I'm starting to question if I spent 11 years of my life supporting them to end up like this. I can't recognize them anymore and it's terrible and truly scary.

I'm sorry this is so long and confusing 😫

Hi nonnie, don’t apologize. I think your ask sums up all the conflicting feelings that a lot of people in the fandom are dealing with right now but are just scared to voice them publicly. I am as confused as you are about every aspect of the post-pandemic era you mentioned. And I think it's completely valid to feel that way and reevaluate if you still want to support those people whose values may not align with yours that much anymore.

In my opinion from what I talked to others, for many it just feels like betrayal in some way? The fans supported them through everything for years and years but everyone has its limits and there's only so much one can take. As much as they don't owe us anything, we also don't have to follow them without any thought. And maybe unpopular opinion, but I really don't think everything they're doing can be excused with their closet. Sometimes bad actions and decisions are being taken, that have no relation to that and it's tiring to see it be used as a wild card to absolve them from any responsibility.

I wasn't really helpful but I guess what I'm saying is that I have no idea what's happening. I'll be here cause this fandom is just interesting to me but I'm glad I am starting to detach emotionally. However I know that it's very easy for them to bring my emotions back cause if anything, larries always have hope for better times. Hang in there nonnie and feel welcome to vent anytime 🤍

[melanieph321]

"I would like to request something like that.. So Antony and unexperienced shy reader have their first time together and basically Antony is being sweet to her and careful, telling her she does a great job so yea...and the reader is a bit insecure because she knows that Antony is pro football player and he can basically have a lot of females anf he choose her."

"Ah, nice request. I did somthing similar already, but Antony was patient with the girl and didn't sleep with her. Perhaps I could do like a part 2 of that story and include your idea..."

"However you like it..."

You ask and you shall receive people!

Antony x Reader - Take Things Slow (Part 2)

Enjoy!

It was one of those events again. Those events where you have to dress up, stand in front of a camera and pose. All of this had to be done before we could eat and by then I was starving.

"You okay?"

Antony and I were standing in the elevator going back up to our hotel room. I felt too shy to tell him that I was still hungry after dinner. For some reason the fancier the food, the smaller servings. I was really craving a cheeseburger right now.

"Yes, I'm okay. Just tired." I lied. I had started to do that more. Lie and feel shy around my own boyfriend. I don't know why, but maybe because things in my life had changed so drastically ever since Antony and I took our relationship to the next level. Now everyone knew my name and every where I went people were asking me about Antony.

"You sure you're okay? It doesn't seem good to be tired all day." Antony held up the door for me as we entered our tidy hotel room. We would spend one night here before going back home. Although the night should have been special for me as well, I just couldn't seem to get in the right mood. Perhaps because I had been having alot of doubts lately. Doubts about me and Antony, how I'm not good enough for him. I mean he could have any girl in the world now, but for some reason he stuck with me, a girl that doesn't even tend to his natural needs.

"Antony." I mumbled, stopping in the middle of the hotel living room.

"Yes?" He said removing his jacket, hanging it on a stool.

"I think I'm..." It was hard for me to get the words out, it was bad enough that I couldn't stop biting down on my lip. " I think I'm..."

"Yes?" He said, looking a little concerned.

I shook my head. Why was I being so silly."I think I'm ready." I said, finding all the strength to sound sure of myself.

"Ready for what?" A confused smile hooked his lips.

"I think I'm ready to have sex now." I said, clenching the purse in my grip.

"Oh." Antony stared at me with wide eyes. We hadn't mentioned being intimate in a while. Antony had been so patient with me that sometimes I felt like he didn't want me enough to persuade me into having sex with him anyway. It's bizarre I know. Antony wasn't like that, I knew that. However I needed to know that I was good enough for him at somthing, maybe sex was it.

Antony approached me slowly, tilting his head for me to meet his eyes. "Y/N, are you sure?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" I frowned. Perhaps he didn't think I was capable. Then why keep me around if nothing was ever going to happen between us, I thought.

Antony's expression mellowed seeing mine stiffen.

"Y/N." He sighed. He unhanded me the purse and took my hands in his, leading me to the couch. I frowned as I sat down facing him, like in a meeting.

"You know I don't mind waiting. I've told you that haven't I?"

Omg, I was getting fired, I thought. Antony didn't want to have sex with me.

"Yes but we can't wait forever." I snapped.

Antony frowned. "Y/N. What is this really about. Why won't you tell me why you're upset?"

"I'm not upset."

"But you're not happy?"

"I'm..." I opened my mouth to protest but couldn't. I couldn't lie to Antony, the love of my life.

"I don't make you happy anymore?" There was sudden cold as Antony let go of my hands.

"Antony...no."

He stood. "That's it right. I've stopped making you happy. I know I've been busy lately. But with the league games and stuff I've..."

"Antony stop." I was quick to rise to my feet my hands grabbing each sides of Antony's face.

He paused to look at me

"It's not you it's me." I whispered.

"Great." He sighed, his cheeks swollen in my grip. "The oldest breakup line in the book, it's not me it's you right?"

I shook my head, giggling a little at the way everything sounded with my hands pressing Antony cheeks together. It wasn't the right time, I know, however he just looked so sweet between my hands.

"What's so funny?" He mumbled.

"You." I let my hands slide down to his neck, hooking my arms around it. "It's not you, it's me." I repeated.

Antonyshook his head. "Why?"

"I'm not good enough for you."

"Bullshit."

"Antony." I gasped. I'd never heard him use words like that or get angry around me.

His hands went to rest on the top of my hips, pinning me against him. "No other woman but you is good enough for me." He said, his eyes crystal clear.

"But I..." Antony stopped me from protesting further by pressing his lips against mine, the kissing lingering until I was in desperate need of air.

"Antony." I gasped, resting my forhead against his as we continued to sway in the middle of the hotel living room.

His hand traced my jaw. "Don't say every say things like that again, ever.

"Okay." I nodded, making both our heads move. "But it's just that...I meant what I said before."

Antony lifted his head so that he could meet my eyes. I bit my lip. "I'm ready." I nodded.

Antony raised his brow in suprise a flash of somthing curious in his eyes. But then his arms relaxed around me.

"If you're ready,  I'm ready." He said and bent down to kiss my naked shoulder.

I threw my head back with the sensation, exposing my collar bones to Antony who continued to trace kisses along my skin. We back away towards the couch. He layed me down and got on top on me. His lips never detached themselves from my skin. But when his hand peeled down the lace to my dress, with the craving for more of me, I sat up.

"Wait."

Antony stopped all movment immediately.

"I'm sorry...I just...

He shook his head. "No, no, you have to tell me if..."

"No, no..." I said with slight panic. "It's not that. I told you I was ready. It just that, maybe I should be on top." Heat rose to my cheeks.

Antony looked me with furrowed brows. "Your first time?" He chuckled.

I nodded. But he shook his head. "I should take care of you the first time. We will get a chance to experiment later."

"Okay." I nodded although my nerves were everywhere.

Antony let the one lace hang down my shoulder exposing my left breast. I gasped as he leaned forward and took it in his mouth, making me throw my head back with the pleasure I've never felt before I wondered how often Antony had thought about doing this, because he got more eager as he noticed m relax a bit more. We were still on the couch, not able to keep our hands to ourselves. The top half of my dress was now peeled down to my waste. Antony had left bite marks across my entire chest. I stiffened when his hand made its way up my thigh, something Antony noticed right away.

"Is this okay baby?"

I was meant to nod my head but then I remember that I shouldn't be lying in a situation like this.

"No?" He pulled away his hand from between my thighs. The sensation it left was cold, and for some reason I thought to be doing something wrong.

"I'm sorry,  I just don't like fingering." I felt so silly, but the truth was I didn't even do it to myself.

Antony nodded understandingly. "Then I won't do it."

"I'm sorry I..."

"Stop..." Antony put a firm hand to my mouth."...apologizing. There's other ways to make you feel good."

"Other ways?"

Antony began placing a kiss on my thigh, rolling up the skirt of my dress as he did. The kisses continued traveling upwards, until my hand grabbed a hold of his head.

"You don't have to." The words escaping my lips were airy and so needy.

Antony chuckled. "Trust me, I want to. Look at you, all wet for me already." Antony traced a finger along the fabric of my underwear, his nuckles brushing against my glistening folds.

"Fuck me." I sighed.

"As you wish" He began fucking me with his mouth. His tounge swirling around the wetness I'd created for him.

"Antony please." I cried, but he wouldn't let me finnish. Instead he pushed of of me in search for something in his back pocket. A condom.

"You ready for me?"

"Mhm." I nodded. It was all moving so fast but not in a way that disturbed me. He pulled himself out of his pants, reveling his erected cock, pulsating as he took his time to dress it with the rubber. He then placed himself between me, pushing my panties to the side with the tip of it.

I gasped as pressure was applied, but not enough to make me want all of it to stop. Antony was carful, allowing me to adjust to his size.

"That's it baby, I know you can take it."

"I can." I said flushed.

He then thrusted himself all the way into me, our hips violenty crashing into each other.

I gasped with the pleasure that came with the pain. "Antony please."

He cradled his arms around me, intertwining our hands as he pinned them above my head.

"I love you." He said, looking deep into my eyes, whilst his hips crashed into me with every thrust.

"I love you too." I whispered and promised myself to never doubt our love again.