#and i realize how much of a child of the digital age that makes me sound

[fungi-maestro]

Recently received a camera that belonged to my uncle before he passed, so I may start posting photos from that once the charger I got for it comes in. Kind of excited to walk around with it. Half considering going back in and finding the pictures I took in the woods right after he died & recreating them with his camera.

[a-998h]

Hello I saw your Neuvillette story and I got an idea from I, what if the reader is the reincarnation of a child that he loved as his own but passed away at an early age due to sickness.

*Warning: this fic contains mentions of child death, child illness, abandonment, and depressing thoughts!*

By clicking "Keep Reading" you have read and understand these warnings

"The merchant quickly plucks the loveliest rose he can find, and is about to pluck more to create a bouquet only to end up," Neuvillette reads before being cut off.

"Why didn't the merchant just ask for the roses?" The child asks.

Neuvillette smiles and pats the child's head. After finishing the story, Neuvillette packs up and takes the child back to their home.

"Excuse me?" Neuvillette asks.

"Yes, your child has Eleazar sir," the doctor said.

Neuvillette kept his composure as best as he could. But it was hard, especially when the doctors figured out the child had such an advanced case that they only had a year left.

One year later in the summer, the child died and Neuvillette was a mess. He cried and mourned for so long. He knew he would lose you to old age eventually but now... you didn't even make it to a double digit age.

Neuvillette was forced to take today off because Furina said so. He placed a bouquet of Rainbow Roses on the child's grave and took a walk through the streets. He then saw you, a dirty little child in an alleway. When he saw you, he frowned.

"Who could do this to such an innocent thing?" Neuvillette asks out loud.

Neuvillette's first thought was to give you to an orphanage, but something made him not want to. He got you some food and he started to notice you had the same hair color as his original child.

After he adopts you it takes two years for him to realize you were the reincarnation of his original child.

"Papa, can you read me La belle et la Bête?" You asked.

He does a spit take with his tea. His first child's favorite story was La belle et la Bête, they would beg for him to always read it.

He starts to notice other things about you, how you have freckles in places where your past life had scales thanks to Eleazar.

Now he introduces you to Furina and is slightly more worried about your health, he also never takes you to Sumeru in fear that you'll catch Eleazar.

As much as he loves his original child, he never wants you to feel overshadowed by them. He cares about you and his dead child. He never mentions reincarnation because he doesn't want to give you a crisis.

"Je t'aime... mon petit dragon," Neuvillette says, as he cradles you in his arms.

He puts you to bed and makes sure you fall asleep. Kissing your forehead, he leaves you to sleep peacefully as your music box plays.

[kof-fatalfury-daily]

"Stray Dog, Stray Wolf" a Fatal Fury novel by Akihiko Ureshino

In 2008, Akihiko Ureshino (same guy who wrote KOF's official novels) wrote a 27-chapter official Fatal Fury novel called "Stray Dog, Stray Wolf."

The novel ties loose ends at the end of Fatal Fury, following Geese's death. The main characters are Terry, Rock and Billy, and supporting characters include Laurence Blood, Duck King and Wolfgang Krauser (YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT, KRAUSER, ALIVE.)

It was published digitally in Japan straight to readers' mobile phones making it EXTREMELY hard to find years later. Fans who saved the text refuse to share it, making it very rare.

But good news! Someone got his hands on the novel and is currently sharing it in English. This is a must-read for people who enjoy delving deeper into Fatal Fury's lore.

The first chapter is... *chef kiss*

Don't believe me?? Take a look:

Clearing his throat, Duck looked at Rock again.

The band-aid on his nose was the least of his problems. He also had a cut on his lip, and one black eye. It was clear that someone had given him a brutal beating. Duck suddenly understood why Bob mentioned a panda.

“Did you get into an argument with some other brat?”

“A street fight, not an argument,” muttered Rock, still looking down.

“Ohh, you sure know how to talk back.”

It wasn’t something a kid that wasn’t even ten years old would say. Duck grinned, because in Rock’s tone he could perceive his dissatisfaction, and the fact that Rock was trying to act beyond his age.

“Then, who was your opponent? Judging by your face, he gave you a royal beating.”

“Terry…”

“Huh?”

“I lost to Terry…,” Rock said, covering the bruise on his eye.

Duck pondered the answer for a second before a shocking realization spread all over his face.

“What!? You mean you tried to fight against Terry?”

“…” Rock nodded, dejected.

Duck smacked the side of his neatly shaven head, frowning.

“That’s not a street fight, then. That’s actually child ab###,” he muttered.

“You’re wrong. I challenged him. I told him to not hold back and fight for real because I could take it.”

“Are you serious?”

Duck had heard that Terry was teaching martial arts to Rock, who despite being a young kid showed great potential.

But no matter the potential, an adult shouldn’t be going all out on a kid who was barely six or seven years old. Even young Rock should have known that much.

But still, Rock had decided to face Terry head-on, and had probably decided to be beaten up by him.

That was Duck’s best guess as to what was going on inside the head of that young boy, who had been born to misfortune.

The full chapters are available 👉 HERE.

This man is doing God's work. Support him if you can!

[seungkwansphd]

room for interpretation - 2

pairing: lawyer!jeonghan x lawyer!YN| word count: 9.1K synopsis: as top of class, you and jeonghan had been many things to each other. enthusiastic rivals, begrudging allies, and…parties to a jokingly written (but legally binding) marriage contingency contract? this piece of paper would’ve been long forgotten had an unexpected merger not thrown you back into each others’ lives. themes: fluff, rivals to coworkers to tentative friends to lovers, “if we’re both single by X age” marriage contract, IDIOTS2lovers, fake dating, miscommunication. this is just a romcom.

“Hey Maja?” you heard Jeonghan’s voice through your door.

“Yes Jeonghan?”

“Can you help me understand how the Law Library is organized?”

“No! I will not help anyone with that!” Maja stood up violently from her desk. “I’ve told Peter a hundred times and I’ll tell him again that we need to digitize that! But nooooo, Mister Romantic likes the aesthetic and mood of having physical references.”

Jeonghan was rightly baffled as Maja stomped off away from him with a stack of papers that would find themselves wrongfully shredded if she didn’t calm down. You held in a laugh. You agreed that digital references would be more efficient, but you also enjoyed the “Law Library”, which was really just an empty office filled with bookshelves of case studies. It was great for when you needed a change of pace as well as one of the best cell reception areas in the office, making it a prime spot for taking phone calls.

“I can help you,” you called to Jeonghan as you got up from your chair.

“She’s…fiery,” Jeonghan commented as you walked.

“Yes, it’s best to stay on her good side,” you chuckled.

Jeonghan followed you in and looked on as you explained Peter’s organization system to him. It didn’t really make sense, but if you understood the logic behind it, you could find things easily enough.

“Do anything interesting this weekend?” you asked as you helped Jeonghan search for a specific reference.

“Went to see my sister.”

“Oh! How is she doing?”

“Good. Her kid is almost five now, which is mind boggling to me!”

“What?!” your eyebrows shot up.

You remembered meeting Jeonghan’s sister briefly during a family orientation event. You knew almost nothing about her, but still it surprised you to hear that his younger sister had a child.

“Are you seeing anyone?” you asked without thought.

“What?”

“No, I mean-,” you winced when you realized what you had asked. “I was wondering whether your parents have thoughts about your younger sister having a kid before you.”

“Ah,” Jeonghan laughed with understanding. “No, they’re so elated to be grandparents, they could care less about me.”

“Got it,” you nodded. “Oh, aha!” you exclaimed when you finally found the document that you were looking for. You pulled it out and handed it to Jeonghan triumphantly.

“Thanks,” he smiled gratefully at you, thumbing through it. “Oh, actually, I did think of you this weekend though.”

“Oh?” you asked. You were surprised to hear that.

“Your little Pokemon.”

You nodded.

“I learned that Eevee has eight evolutions total, but you only have six?”

You nodded again. He was asking a question, but you weren’t totally sure what it was.

“Is there a reason you’re missing two? Are they hard to find or…?”

“Ah,” you nodded, feeling suddenly shy. “I only buy them to celebrate milestones. I have two more major milestones that I’d like to achieve, so I’ll buy the last two evolutions when that happens.”

Jeonghan felt an inexplicable tug in his chest. That was a much more meaningful answer than he’d expected. You waved before returning to your office and he was left wondering what you considered to be the next two major goals in your life. He felt sure that making partner was one of them, but he was at a loss for the other one. Starting your own firm? Becoming a judge?

Harris sat in his office, eyes closed and lips squeezed together in an effort not to burst out laughing. He could hear Maja in Peter’s office next door, giving him the dressing down of a lifetime. He jotted down a note as he eavesdropped. There had to be a relatively painless way of digitizing those files, right?

Maja returned to her desk after, once again, making her case for the files in the Law Library to be converted to digital. Peter could even keep his stupid nook, but she really needed to be able to utilize the ‘Ctrl + F’ function if he wanted to retain her on the team. Her workload had nearly doubled with the addition of supporting Jeonghan since the merger. The only way she was able to manage it was really due to your competencies. You both were organized and dedicated, which made her job easier in many ways.

…

Jeonghan’s brow furrowed when he looked up to see you, once again, absorbed in your phone. Someone had been texting you non-stop when you should have been working with him on the last minute appeal.

“Can you focus please?” he was surprised at how whiny he sounded when he asked.

“Sorry!” your face contorted apologetically as you pulled your attention from your phone.

Jeonghan rubbed his face with his hands. It wasn’t so much that you were on your phone, but rather the fact that you were clearly agitated by whatever you were reading on it.

“It’s-,” you cut yourself off before you could overshare. Flynn was upset that you needed to work late and you were tired of having to defend your career to him again and again.

“What is it?” Jeonghan asked. He would tell himself it was in the interest of getting back on task, but he was personally curious as well.

“Um,” you hemmed as you decided how much you wanted to share.

“It’s clearly upsetting you, whatever it is.”

“This guy I’ve been seeing. He’s upset at all the hours I’ve been working lately.”

Jeonghan’s eyebrows pinched together, clearly unimpressed.

“He’s a dermatologist, so his schedule is very regular. It’s hard for him to understand the demands of law, I guess,” you tried to justify it, but even as you spoke, you knew it was half hearted.

“Hm.”

It was just a single syllable and not even a real word, but it hung in the air with surprising weight before he spoke again.

“He doesn’t need to understand in order to be respectful. You excel at what you do and your career is a priority to you.”

You were taken aback. You’d never really second guessed the importance of your work, despite Flynn’s increasingly frequent episodes of frustration, but the way Jeonghan spoke so easily and surely about the matter gave you pause. For just a moment, you wondered whether you should reconsider Maja’s suggestion of dating a lawyer.

“I don’t see you with someone so insecure anyways,” Jeonghan sniffed. It was a scathing review of Flynn and also felt like a challenge to you to do better.

…

“YN! Jeonghan!” Professor Vance greeted you both with an impossibly wide grin before folding you into a big group hug.

“Hi Professor Vance!” you beamed as you felt yourself be squeezed into Jeonghan’s side. Professor Vance was in her late fifties, but she hugged like a bodybuilder in her late twenties.

“Hi Professor Vance,” Jeonghan laughed over her shoulder.

“Oh look at you two! You’ve grown up so well!” she tittered happily as she led you through the doorway.

You and Jeonghan seated yourself on the crushed velvet sofa in her office. You let out a surprised squeak when you sank into an enormous divot in the center, flush against each other. She’d had this thing since before you were both in law school and its age was starting to show.

“Sorry,” Jeonghan coughed as he struggled up onto his feet. You were so warm and soft against him.

“I’m so happy that you both agreed to mentor for this year’s Mock Trial!” Professor Vance clapped her hands together as she took her seat behind her desk. “The students last time gave such positive feedback. Even as opposing counsel, you two tend to be compatible,” she joked, eyes twinkling.

You and Jeonghan shared a glance.

“What is your availability to prep with the students this year? The date we set for the Mock Trial is in five months. Last time around we asked for bi-weekly meetings with the mentors for three months before the actual mock trial. Can you commit to the same amount of time again this year?”

You did the math quickly in your head. You estimated a total of seven meetings plus the Mock Trial itself, which was reasonable.

“Yes, I can,” Jeonghan answered. “I can probably be available for more, honestly, if needed.”

“Me too,” you nodded. You wanted to be sure that the students on both teams would get an equivalent amount of exposure.

“Wonderful! Would you prefer digital or physical copies of the case materials?”

“Both please,” you both answered at the same time.

Professor Vance nodded, a knowing smile gracing her lips for a mere moment. She still had fond memories of having you both in her class and it was fun for her to be able to interact with you in this way now. While not professional at all, she’d always wondered about your compatibility with each other. She had met her own partner in law school and she’d always seen a healthy competitiveness in your interactions with Jeonghan that mirrored her own relationship in some ways.

“Alright, here you are!” She returned from the printer with two warm stacks of paper. “Any preference for Plaintiff versus Defendant?”

“Flip a coin,” Jeonghan shrugged and you agreed.

“I don’t have any coins,” she laughed before handing you each a packet without checking the contents. “Should we follow up in a month to finalize meeting schedules? We can work around your availability.”

“That sounds good,” you nodded, standing up from the sofa. “It was so great to see you,” you beamed again at the older woman.

“Great to see you,” she agreed before shooing you out of her office.

“Are you hungry?” Jeonghan asked as you walked down the stairs.

“I could eat,” you nodded, amenable to the idea.

“Okay. Any preference? Otherwise I have a place in mind.”

“Go nuts,” you shrugged, itching to start reviewing your packet.

Jeonghan nodded, pulling the car out of the visitor parking lot. It had been a while since you’d been on campus and you couldn’t help but laugh about the unlawful pedestrian behavior, even though you’d both been guilty of the same yourselves.

“No peeking,” you held your hand up jokingly at Jeonghan as you pulled your mock trial packet out of its manila envelope.

“I have integrity,” he sniffed at you even though he had been planning to steal a glance or two.

“Oh and when exactly did you acquire that?” you quipped playfully.

Jeonghan surprised you by looking sheepish.

“Oh come on, I wasn’t that bad in school, was I?” he couldn’t help but ask.

You thought for a moment, trying to bring up an accurate recollection of Jeonghan in college. He had rounded out around the edges significantly, so it was difficult not to conflate the current version of him with the past.

“You were,” you finally sighed, “But I’ll say this. I was too! We were intolerable! It’s no wonder neither of us really had any friends.”

Jeonghan chuckled. This was true. He wouldn’t have considered you friends, but you’d spent a significant amount of time together because you just didn’t have anyone else to spend it with.

“We’re both a little different, huh?”

“A little,” you nodded. “But what hasn’t changed is that I am still intent on whooping your ass in mock trial!”

Jeonghan let out a loud, genuine laugh. Of course you were. Dinner passed quickly with pleasant teasing, fond reminiscing, and good, genuine conversation. It felt good to get to know this Jeonghan. It felt good to let him get to know you too.

“That was yummy! Thanks for picking,” you remarked as you left the restaurant, zipping your coat all the way up to stave off the chill that had set in. “Next time I’ll pick,” you grinned goofily at him.

“Sure, next time,” Jeonghan had to keep himself from tripping over his words at the way you smiled at him.

“It’s chilly!”

Jeonghan nodded, responding with something that you didn’t hear because your eyes noticed something that he definitely couldn’t see. You took him by the wrist and pulled him into a small gap between buildings. You panicked. Maja and Harri had been walking together, heading towards you and so you pressed your hand over Jeonghan’s eyes, backing him against a wall.

“YN, what-,” Jeonghan’s confusion was clear in his voice.

“Hold on, please,” you floundered. There was no way to explain this situation, so you just held yourself impossibly close to him until they passed.

Heat prickled up Jeonghan’s neck as he allowed you to keep him pinned. He couldn’t see you, but he could feel you; feel the heat from your body seeping into him. He succeeded in keeping his breathing even as your smell filled his nostrils. His hands itched to move to your waist, but he was at least able to control that part of his body.

“Okay, s-sorry,” you stammered when you were finally able to pull away.

Jeonghan blinked until his vision returned to normal. In your preoccupation over Maja and Harrison, you hadn’t noticed the flush that had risen in his cheeks nor the way his pulse had quickened at the feel of you pressed against him. As he tried to force his thoughts together, he couldn’t even be bothered to ask what the hell had caused that.

It was a tense and quiet car ride back to the office. Your mind bubbled with questions for Maja about Harris. Jeonghan’s mind was flooded with thoughts of you.

…

“I shall now render my verdict,” Harris cleared his throat. “The court finds this contract legally binding. The defendant and plaintiff shall marry.”

“What?” Jeonghan’s brows furrowed.

“That's wonderful news!” Peter cheered from the witness stand.

Jeonghan looked around frantically as he tried to make sense of the scene. Harris and Peter seemed to melt away when his eyes landed on you, seated at the opposing bench.

“YN?” he was still confused, but a sense of calm had washed over him.

“Hi Jeonghan,” you approached him with a smile. “I suppose we have to get married.”

“What is Harris talking about?”

“Our marriage contingency contract,” you cocked your head at him, as if speaking to a child. “Don't you remember?”

Jeonghan shook his head again. He felt like he did. He felt like he didn’t.

“Here,” a sheet of paper materialized in your hands. “Legally binding, feel free to review.”

His eyes ran across the papers, taking in the words. The memory of this document came flooding back and he turned to you again.

“Aren't you upset about the ruling?”

“Oh? Why would I be upset? I'm the one who brought you to court. This is my desired outcome…”

Jeonghan woke with a start. He could still feel the sensation of your hand in his. In the dream, of course.

“That was fucking weird,” he shook his head furiously.

He got up and hopped in the shower, running it on the cool side in the hopes that it would snap him out of this weird dream funk. He was in the middle of drying his hair when the actual memory of presenting you with that contract snapped back to him.

He chuckled at his former self. He could now recall writing, rewriting, and re-rewriting that contract so that it was truly bulletproof. Why he had put so much effort into a fake document was beyond him. He'd so enjoyed getting a rise out of you back then that it had been more than worth it.

For a moment he wondered whether he still had the document, but then realized that he really needed to finish getting ready. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind for now.

“Morning Maja,” he greeted her on the way in. He had an intake meeting with a client today and needed to finish getting ready.

He had given some thought to the strange interaction he'd had with you the other day. His physical reaction to you had surprised him, but he figured he would've been surprised if anyone else had done that to him too! It was normal and he could be normal about it.

Really it would be weirder if he hadn't been flustered by it!

“Are you okay?” Maja’s voice shook him from his attempt to reassure himself. He’d been standing outside of his office door for five minutes now.

“Yeah sorry,” he coughed before stepping into his office and shutting the door behind himself.

Maja's brow wrinkled. She wasn't sure she'd ever heard Jeonghan apologize for no reason before.

“Morning Maja!” you greeted her sunnily about half an hour later.

“Morning,” she met your gaze with a brief nod before returning to her work.

You stepped into your office and narrowed your eyes at her through the blinds. After you’d seen her out with Harris, you’d waited anxiously for an update that never came. Towards the end of the week and throughout the weekend, you’d even sent occasional, lightly prodding texts and you had nothing to show for it. She was your best friend! You deserved to know the scoop!

You took a second or two longer to be indignant before starting on your work. You’d just been assigned a wrongful termination lawsuit and were eager to get after it! You had a client intake meeting scheduled in the afternoon, so the morning was dedicated to initial document review.

Jeonghan scowled at you through the window. Not that he was keeping tabs on you, but you kept walking up to your window and staring out through the blinds. Most of your face was obscured, so he couldn’t tell whether your eyes were twinkling with mischief or rage. Probably best to assume rage and be pleasantly surprised.

You thought furiously as you watched Harris move across the office. There hadn’t been all that much documentation to go through from the client, and so your mind had returned to the Maja and Harris problem. You’d done some light snooping through shared calendars and noticed a few lunchtime blocks that looked suspect. An idea popped into your head suddenly and you burst through the door into Peter’s office.

“Hey, are you busy?” you asked, even though he was staring into space with a Rubik’s cube in his hand.

“No, what’s up?”

“I was just thinking that I don’t know Harris very well, but I feel like I should get to know him better. Can you tell me maybe some stuff about him so I have some conversation starters?”

“Oh of course!” Peter clapped his hands together, the Rubik’s cube falling onto the carpeted ground. “Oops. What do you want to know?”

“Hm, what are his interests?” you start broadly. Your strategy was to chat with Harris in the hopes that he let something slip, so knowing what you could even talk to him about was a start.

“Oh! Let’s see, he enjoys golfing and skiing.”

You struggled not to roll your eyes. Between him and Jeonghan, you weren’t sure who would win ‘least interesting interests’. What was the draw for Maja? Maybe you should’ve been actively working to split them up.

“Hmm, oh! It’s maybe a little out there, but he makes pet beds for the local shelter?”

“What?” you almost yelled. Now this made sense as a selling point for Maja. “That’s so cute, what the hell?”

“Isn’t it?” Peter gushed. You had always been grateful that Peter knew how to be unserious when the situation called for it.

Jeonghan’s brow furrowed as he overheard you and Peter tittering about something. For a managing partner, Peter could be quite goofy. Jeonghan had a sudden flashback to the day you’d asked him about Harris’ perspective on dating policy. He shook his head. No, there was no way. You’d said you were seeing someone else.

“Oh my gosh, yes. It is so cute, you should definitely ask him about it.”

“Oh I absolutely will,” you nodded excitedly. That was the perfect conversation starter. Fun and personal in a way that could open the door to other, more personal questions. “Anything else?”

“Oh also his hometown! He goes to visit often.”

Of course! You'd overheard Maja and Harris when you'd gone to visit Yiayia. Why hadn't you thought of that sooner? That was a perfect segue to bring Maja into a conversation with Harris.

“You're a genius, I'm obsessed with you,” you thanked Peter before practically bouncing back to your office.

…

Jeonghan’s jaw was tense. He’d been watching you talk to Harris for probably fifteen minutes and he could not, for the life of him, figure out why you were smiling so much. He’d worked with Harris for four years and could barely remember a single time when he had made Jeonghan laugh. Whatever he was sharing with you or you were sharing with him seemed to be endlessly entertaining, though.

Maja failed to hold in a grin as she watched Jeonghan watch you. She’d also noticed you talking to Harris for an atypically long time. Unlike Jeonghan, she could recognize it for what it was: snooping. Maja did feel a little guilty about not updating you on the status of things with Harris, but for now it was something that she just needed to keep to herself.

“You good?” she finally asked.

“Oh, what? Yeah,” Jeonghan sputtered and coughed, completely caught off guard.

“Okay, you looked like you were able to burst a blood vessel,” she couldn’t help but tease.

“I’m fine,” he dusted himself off needlessly, but lingered.

“She’s good, huh?” Maja gestured towards you. Jeonghan made a face, indicating he wasn’t quite sure what she was referring to. “YN. She’s very good at connecting with people.”

“Ah,” Jeonghan nodded, considering this for a moment. “She was like that in college too.”

“Oh I always forget that you two went to school together. How was that?”

“It was…,” Jeonghan struggled to find words that felt adequate. “Frustrating. Hard. Fun.”

Maja’s eyebrows raised. She had looked back at him during his long pause and she was surprised at the way his expression changed and softened as he tried to describe his time with you. She wondered if he realized it. She was sure that you didn’t.

…

You smiled as you watched Jeonghan coach the students. It was interesting to see him outside of his normal comfort zone and it surprised you at how gentle he could be when functioning in a mentor capacity.

“YN? What do you think about this argument?” one of the students asked, pointing to a slew of bullet points in their notebook.

“Let me see!” you smiled, eyes scanning the page. “This is awesome!”

You were so impressed by the students participating in this year’s mock trial. This was only your second meeting with them and they had already developed solid arguments with sufficient supporting articles. You reviewed more of the students' arguments and gave feedback about potential rebuttals. As you were running out of time, you asked the students to think through those in preparation for your next meeting. When you looked back up, Jeonghan’s eyes were on you. 

He was surprised when you met his gaze. Even though he was a lawyer who was paid to keep his cool, it still felt embarrassing to be caught staring. He let himself believe that he didn’t let it show. True to form, you didn’t break eye contact either and the stare grew tense, laden. It sent a thrill through you that surprised you.

“Okay, thank you for your time!” the students piped up, starting to pack their bags. “We’ll see you in two weeks?”

“Yes!” you beamed, standing to gather your things as well. How long had you been looking at him? You hoped it hadn’t been noticeable.

“Those two need to fuck,” one of the students commented once they were outside of the law building and well out of earshot. The rest of the students chuckled in agreement.

…

“Dinner?” Jeonghan suggested as you crossed the quad towards the parking lot. “If you’re free.” he added, remembering that it was a Friday, after all.

“I am free,” you nodded, “But whether I want to have dinner with you is another question,” you shot him a cheeky grin.

Jeonghan’s eyebrow raised, tongue pressing against his cheek as he looked you over. You were so terribly annoying. He smiled at the way you pretended to consider before nodding.

“I could eat. And I said I’d pick this time, right?”

“Yes.” Jeonghan looked down at you. His hair had grown longer in the past month and it was starting to fall into his eyes.

“Hmm,” you went through a mental rolodex of restaurants that you liked. “Have you been to Krazy Bao?”

“No.” 

“Are you a sushi purist?”

“...no? What does that even mean?”

“Great!” you clapped your hands together excitedly. “Oh wait, we drove separately. Want me to text you the address?”

Jeonghan nodded. You had recently exchanged personal phone numbers, but had yet to need them. Between seeing each other nearly every day at the office and these mock trial meetings, everything you had to say to each other could easily be done in person. His phone pinged and he pulled it out before shooting you a thumbs up.

“Okay, beat you there!” you waved over your head as you walked to your car. You were starving.

“So these are like…sushi balls?” Jeonghan tried to make sense of the menu.

“Yes, but they’re also filled. So they’re onigiri inspired as well.”

“Huh,” he nodded. It wasn’t traditional, but they did look pretty tasty. “What’s your favorite?”

“Depends on my mood, but usually the tuna and the krab ones are my favorite.”

He nodded again, zeroing in on the eel, which looked interesting. You waffled about what to choose until the server arrived, forcing you to make a decision.

“So what do you think of your team this year?” you asked after they left.

“Really impressed. You?”

“Me too! I don’t know about your team, but my students are so prepared! I’m not even sure we took it this seriously when we did it?”

Jeonghan laughed, taking a sip of his tea. He disagreed about that. He remembered both of you acting as if mock trials were life or death ordeals.

“But yes, so so impressed. As a mentor, I’m sure I shouldn’t be saying this, but sorry to you and your team and prepare to eat shit.”

“Oh really?” Jeonghan raised an eyebrow at you coolly as your server returned with cocktails. “I’m not sure what set of evidence Professor Vance gave you, but we got this in the bag.”

He leaned back, crossed his arms, and gave you a once over that made you feel tiny and indignant. Your mind raced for a moment, reviewing the evidence in your mind before you realized what was happening. He was playing mind games and he had succeeded in getting under your skin. He chuckled as he watched the realization settle across your brow.

“Ha ha, very funny,” you stuck your tongue out at him. “You always did enjoy annoying me.”

“It’s still fun to get under your skin,” he admitted, taking a sip of his cocktail.

You squinted at him.

“What have you been doing for fun lately?” you asked after a short silence.

Jeonghan paused for a moment. He was really drawing a blank.

“Nothing?” you looked aghast when he wasn’t able to answer.

“Do you have time for fun?” he marveled. You worked just as much as he did.

“I…,” you had managed to give yourself pause.

“See? You're a workaholic too! I’m willing to bet that you don’t have any hobbies.”

“You said you snowboard, right?” you were scrambling for something. Anything. “And I…I bake!”

Jeonghan’s left brow raised in disbelief.

“I know how to bake.” you corrected yourself.

“The demands of an associate trying to make partner are crazy. It’s futile to try and have a life outside of that.”

You furrowed your brows at him. Why did it feel like you’d had this conversation with him before? The server interrupted your thoughts with your food and you were happy to set them aside.

“What did you think?”

“It was good. I would come back here,” Jeonghan nodded and you preened.

You filled the silence with occasional comments as you walked towards the parking lot where you’d left your cars. You were caught off guard when Jeonghan stopped, putting several paces between you before you noticed.

“Oh. I know where we are!” he stated. “There’s a nice bar like a block that way,” he pointed down the crossroad.

“Oh? Wine bar? Cocktails? Whiskey?” you found yourself asking.

“You wanna go?” he asked. He didn’t want the night to end just yet.

“Oh…yes? We might have to pay for more parking though,” you thought out loud.

“I’ll go put more change in the meters. We probably only have to pay for like thirty more minutes. The place is called Bar Argos. Save me a seat,” Jeonghan pointed towards it again before he set off to top off the meters.

You found the place with no trouble, but your jaw dropped when you walked in. Bar Argos was located in a refurbished historic building and the inside was absolutely incredible. The walls were painted a rich, dark green and were teeming with artwork in beautiful frames. The shelves were adorned with books and plants with tendrils that curled towards the ground. Once you had finished gawking, you snagged two stools at the bar where you were presented with a menu.

“Have you been here before?” an unfamiliar voice asked over your shoulder.

“No, I haven’t,” you shook your head, turning to face the speaker.

“Would you care for a recommendation?” the young man smiled at you.

“I would!” you nodded.

He settled in next to you, asking you questions about what you liked to drink. You were still conversing animatedly with him when Jeonghan entered. He scowled immediately at the proximity of this stranger and also saw an opportunity to mess with you.

“Sorry that took so long,” he interrupted the conversation smoothly, positioning himself tightly behind you, resting his arm on the bar. “Hello,” he greeted the other man coolly.

“Oh, hello? Are you-?” the man gestured between you and Jeonghan.

“Yes, she’s taken.”

You balked. You were not!

“Are you?” the man followed up with you directly.

Jeonghan let out a puff of laughter, a derisive scoff, which tickled the hair on your head and zipped down your spine. You coughed at the stranger, allowing him to draw his own conclusion.

“What the hell, Jeonghan?” you demanded as the other man made himself scarce.

“You shouldn’t be flirting with other people,” he tsked at you.

“We’re not together!” you hissed at him. You had wanted to shout, but the bar was too quiet for that.

“You are taken, though,” he looked down at you.

You were quiet. You hadn't shared with Jeonghan that you'd broken up with Flynn weeks ago. Part of it was because it wasn't his business. Part of it was because you didn't want him to presume that it was due to his opinion of Flynn. As if you held his opinion in such high regard!

“What do you want?” he asked, finally moving into the seat next to you. He'd been standing behind you for so long that a shiver ran down your back at the cool of his absence.

“Ah,” you shook yourself to attention. “I thought the absinthe looked interesting. I've never seen it offered anywhere else.”

“For all the times I've been here, I've never tried it,” Jeonghan’s eyebrows raised with interest. “Let's do it!”

You and Jeonghan promptly learned that drinking absinthe was quite a time consuming ordeal. It involved placing a sugar cube on a special spoon and letting water drip, slowly dissolving the sugar into the absinthe.

“Have you ever considered teaching?” you asked as you watched the ripples skip across the surface of the absinthe.

“Law?”

“No, cooking,” you rolled your eyes.

“Why are you asking this? So I'll leave the firm and you’re assured partnership?”

You coughed with surprise. That hadn't even crossed your mind but it was an excellent bonus perk!

“Another pro for the pro column,” you joked. “No, you just seem good at it. Don't get me wrong, you're great in the courtroom for sure, but you're surprisingly constructive and encouraging with the students. I just wondered.”

Jeonghan glanced over at you. The dual-wielded compliment caught him off guard. He had been enjoying mentoring an unexpected amount, but he was surprised that you'd noticed.

“Thanks,” he finally responded. “I have been enjoying it a lot, but I’m not sure I’m cut out to fully teach. I still have a short fuse for nonsense, after all,” he laughed.

You laughed, watching as the last shards of sugar dissolved into the absinthe. What had started out as a bright green liquid had turned a cloudy chartreuse and you regarded it with curiosity.

“Anise,” you wrinkled your nose after catching the scent.

“Very,” Jeonghan nodded.

You tipped your glasses together before taking a sip. Your expression moved into one of pleasant surprise while Jeonghan’s pinched together with displeasure.

“No good?” you asked. “I kind of like it!”

“It's…odd.”

It was odd. Herbal and sweetly spiced, the absinthe warmed you from the inside out. You felt like you were drinking a potion.

“I’m not sure this is for me,” Jeonghan declared, smacking his lips after another taste. He continued to sip on the beverage anyways.

“How's your sister doing?” you asked, recalling your conversation from weeks ago.

“Good!”

His sister and her family had been in town to visit last weekend and he had enjoyed seeing his niece again. Though just over five years old, she was already quite a spitfire with a lot of very interesting opinions. Seeing her again had reminded him of your milestone Pokemon again.

“Can I ask you about your Pokemon again?”

“Oh sure?” you smiled at him.

“What are the last two milestones that you’re hoping to achieve?”

You blinked. The question was personal and direct. You regarded Jeonghan for a moment or two before answering. You two shared some semblance of friendship now, it shouldn't be too weird to share with him, right?

“Making partner and getting married.” Your skin prickled. You’d been wrong, it did feel weird to share this with him.

“Ah,” Jeonghan nodded. He was surprised at the way he felt flustered by your answer. “Well, you're well on your way to both, right?”

You gave him a look of confusion.

“I mean, you're clearly on your way to making partner and you've been seeing…that person.” Jeonghan omitted his opinion that they still didn't deserve you.

“Ah,” the sound you let out was viscerally awkward. “We broke up.”

Jeonghan’s hand stilled over his glass and his eyebrows raised with surprise.

“And on the matter of partner,” you barreled through your strange confession, “We’ll see. I still see you as my number one threat.”

You thought about slapping your hand over your mouth. Absinthe had clearly been a mistake. Or you'd at least tell yourself that.

Jeonghan smirked, fingertips now resting against the rim of his glass. The two revelations back to back felt like a sucker punch. You were single. You'd been flirting with that man earlier because you'd wanted to. You still saw him as an adversary.

“I think that's fair,” he nodded as you watched him carefully, “I am a threat.”

Jeonghan regretted his words immediately. He liked to think he was self aware, knew how to keep a lid on the pettier side of himself, so it did surprise him when it reared, crept up and spoke for him.

You blinked. You were surprised that you were surprised. This was the Jeonghan that you knew, after all, but you'd fallen into a false sense of camaraderie and for that you chided yourself.

…

Jeonghan rubbed his hands over his face as he tossed around in bed later. He’d tried not to dwell on the conversation from earlier and failed. After spending some time kicking himself for his needlessly stupid response his mind turned to the topic of you and marriage. It reminded him, again, of the contract he’d dreamt about. He could remember signing it, but honestly wasn’t sure whether it was just a figment of his own imagination.

He spent the next morning rifling through his home office without success. On his way to work, he wondered whether you remembered it, but after last night he had little confidence that he could ask about it in a way that wasn’t wholly humiliating.

…

Your fingertips tapped against the desk with irritation as you reviewed additional documents from your wrongful termination suit. You’d met with your client a few more times and the more she had shared, the more livid you’d become. This workplace seemed to be mired in racism and classism and you now had a totally professional and not personal vendetta against them. There was a half-formed idea in your brain to pay them a visit, undercover, to see whether you observed the same behaviors yourself, but they were a wedding venue so you probably couldn’t just show up alone.

“Maja,” you stepped out of your office, “I need help.”

“What’s up?”

“Who would make a believable fake fiance for me? I want to visit the defendant in that wrongful termination suit, but I need to show up as a couple so it doesn’t come across as weird.”

“Ah,” Maja nodded, eyebrows raising with surprise.

It had been quite some time since you’d pulled one of your undercover visits. It was usually a good sign for your clients when you were that invested, but it certainly wasn’t without risks.

“What about Kevin?” you wondered aloud. He was a few years your junior and was amiable enough to let you take the lead on most things, which would allow you to steer the visit however you wished.

“Kevin?” Maja’s face wrinkled with disapproval. She counted him among the more feeble minded attorneys. Milquetoast, in fact, and not ever a suitable counterpart to you. “Absolutely not.”

Jeonghan chuckled at Maja’s expression as he walked by. Whatever you were discussing was clearly not up to snuff.

“Jeonghan, what do you think?” Maja surprised you both by roping him into the conversation.

“About?” he paused, turning to face you.

“Who do you think can pass as a fake fiance for YN?” she asked. Maja had a feeling she knew his answer, but she was curious whether he would say it to you out loud.

“Fiance?” Jeonghan echoed. Your mind was a mystery to him.

“It’s for a case,” you clarified. “Wrongful term and I’m curious to observe the environment myself.”

Jeonghan nodded and turned his eyes towards his colleagues. Even though he’d gone through this mental exercise already and knew that no one was suitable, he pretended to consider the other attorneys in relation to you.

“No one seems right,” he shrugged.

“Not even Kevin?” Maja pried.

“Especially not Kevin,” Jeonghan looked at you as if you’d grown a second head.

You frowned, crossing your arms. Maja and Jeonghan taking the same side against you was certainly new.

“What about me?” Jeonghan offered himself up.

“What about you?” you asked as Maja lit up with delight.

“I’ll go with you. We know each other well, I could pull off fake fiance.”

“You did go to school together,” Maja nodded, “And you’re both doing that mock trial thing. You’re probably closer than any of the other attorneys here.”

You considered her points and determined that they were valid. You gave Jeonghan a once over before reluctantly agreeing. It was a pinch, so he would have to do.

…

You let out a small puff of disbelief as your eyes landed on Jeonghan. You had never really seen him in ‘day off’ clothes before and you were surprised at how handsome he looked. His hair was down and fell slightly into his face. Without planning it, you’d both worn oversized cardigans and jeans. A happy accident as it made you look like a coordinated couple.

“Morning,” he blinked at you as if still waking up. “Do you want to drive? Or me?”

“I don’t mind driving,” you shrugged, pointing towards your car. The whole ordeal was your idea to begin with.

“Sounds good,” he nodded, hair falling into his eyes.

“Do you need coffee?” you asked as you buckled your seatbelt.

“Yes, your treat since I’m doing you a favor.”

“You offered! I was going to ask Kevin!”

“You're lucky I did. Do you think anyone would believe that you and Kevin have anything other than a professional relationship?”

You pressed your lips together. While you didn’t disagree with Jeonghan, this also left a dangling implication that you and he shared something that did pass as more than professional. You shook your head. You needed to get along today and coffee was a small price to pay.

“Okay, deal,” you shrugged as you pulled out of the parking lot. There was a coffee shop on the way to the destination, so you’d make a stop there.

“What do you want?” you asked, standing a typical distance from him.

Jeonghan clicked his tongue with disapproval before looping his arm through yours and pulling you against his side.

“Black coffee,” he grinned, smug.

You cleared your throat as you placed your order. It wasn’t unpleasant, just a surprise.

“Oh, before I forget,” Jeonghan dug through his pockets as you waited. “Here.”

He fished out two rings, placing the band on his ring finger before handing the other to you.

“Oh my god, I didn't even think-, thank you,” your eyes widened.

Jeonghan grinned, more than pleased with himself. You slid the ring onto your left hand, surprised that it was a decent fit. Maybe half a size too big, but better than you would've done.

“Kevin would not have remembered rings.”

You rolled your eyes. What would it take for him to let this Kevin thing go?

“So what's our story again? They're a wedding business of some sort?”

You nodded before filling in the details. They were an upscale wedding venue and your client was suing for wrongful termination. She alleged that they had a history of selecting clients based on discriminatory criteria, such as appearance or race.

“Oh. Shitty,” Jeonghan’s nose wrinkled as you returned to the car.

“Very. So we're engaged and checking out the venue, but also snooping.”

“Okay, got it. Do we have a backstory that we're sticking to?”

“I figured we'd just say we met in law school. It's true enough…,” you shrugged. You hadn't actually put that much thought into it.

Jeonghan nodded.

“Hello, good morning!” The receptionist greeted you sunnily as you entered.

“Good morning,” you smiled at the double greeting.

“Mr. and Mrs. Yoon-to-be, I presume?”

“Yes!” you smiled, tucking your arm into Jeonghan’s as he blinked. 

“Wonderful! Congratulations on the pending nuptials. Please follow me,” she gestured down a hallway.

As you followed, Jeonghan wondered why ‘Mr. and Mrs. Yoon’ had thrown him for such a loop.

“Please wait here, Delia will be in shortly to walk you through the property.”

“Thank you!”

“This place is crazy,” Jeonghan remarked as he wandered around the office. You had to agree. It reeked of opulence.

“Would you get married here? I'm not sure it's my style.”

“I don't care about the venue. I'm marrying the person, not the place,” he answered seriously.

“Mr. and Mrs. Yoon!” a woman, presumably Delia, burst into the room shortly after that. “Or do you prefer to be called by your maiden name, still?” she clarified with you.

“Mrs. Yoon is fine,” you smiled at her.

Jeonghan felt warm under his cardigan. Mrs. Yoon this and Mrs. Yoon that.

“Wonderful! Well thank you so much for your patience. Let's get started with our tour!”

You held in a chuckle. She was so bubbly. You snuck a glance at Jeonghan but he was distracted by something or the other. You slipped your hand back into his to catch his attention as you listened to the wide array of amenities the venue had to offer. In-house florists, catering, and music were just a few of the laundry list of items that Delia highlighted.

“So how did you two meet?” she inevitably asked.

“We went to law school together,” you smiled, looking towards Jeonghan for good measure.

“Ah! Was it love at first sight? Did you develop feelings during a partner project? Tell me all about it!”

“It certainly wasn't love at first sight,” Jeonghan laughed.

“No,” you chuckled in agreement.

“We were rivals, you could say,” Jeonghan continued. “She was such a pain in my ass for so many reasons, but at the end of the day those are also the things that make her great.”

Your eyebrows had disappeared into your hairline and you were doing your best to keep your jaw off the ground. You had to commend Jeonghan, he really was good at making shit up.

“At one point we even signed a contract agreeing to marry each other if we were both single at thirty. Luckily we had some realizations before it came to that, though.”

You stopped so suddenly that Jeonghan nearly walked into you. His hands moved around your waist to keep you moving at Delia’s pace. 

“Oh my god!” Delia squealed with delight. “Rivals to lovers, that's like something out of a movie!”

Jeonghan watched you from the corner of his eye. You seemed a little flustered, but he wondered if this was just wishful thinking.

“Did you have feelings for him when you signed the contract? I mean why would you sign it otherwise!”  Delia asked, the tour becoming an afterthought at this point.

“I-um,” you stammered. You struggled to form your thoughts. “I never disliked him, even though it might've seemed that way. Even though he was annoying in many regards, I respected him at least. That’s more than I could’ve said for some of our other classmates.”

Jeonghan looked at you with interest, the corners of his lips curled up into a soft smile.

“I guess…,” your eyebrows furrowed. You were just processing out loud now. “I guess some part of me felt that it would be okay if I did end up with him. We share a lot of values…we have things in common.”

You couldn't bring yourself to look at Jeonghan. You briefly considered jumping off of the second story balcony.

“Oh my god, I am trying not to scream,” Delia’s expression was pinched as she gathered herself to continue the tour. She led you through a set of french doors into the gardens.

Jeonghan was trying to keep a lid on his thoughts. He had wanted to gauge your reaction to the mention of the contract, but now he couldn't tell if you'd just decided to commit really hard to the bit.

“Here are our gardens! As you may know, we specialize in centifolia roses, or cabbage roses.”

“Jeonghan!” you made a beeline for the shrubs, pulling a large bloom towards you. “These are huge!” you remarked, turning to show Jeonghan.

He laughed as he watched you hold the rose up to your head for comparison. You were being so painfully adorable.

Delia watched you two contentedly. She let you and Jeonghan wander around the rose garden until you were satisfied.

“We also have a suite of hotel rooms on premise for the wedding party.”

“Oh that is convenient,” you nodded up at Jeonghan. You were fully immersed.

“Yes,” he smiled at you. He had an errant thought that there wasn’t much he’d say no to when it came to you. The way that cabbage rose had made you smile would’ve made anything else worth whatever the ridiculous cost.

You grinned back up at him. For a moment, you two just held each other’s gaze. A light breeze scattered Jeonghan’s bangs into his eyes. You reached up to push them aside so he could see again. As you pulled your arm back, Jeonghan caught you by the hand and placed a soft, open-mouthed kiss on the inside of your wrist.

You blinked. Your heart raced at the intimate touch.

“Oh you two are so sweet it makes me want to lie down in oncoming traffic!”

“What?!” you let out a laugh that was half cough.

“The way you look at each other. I can tell that you care about each other deeply. We can be somewhat selective about the clients we take on, but safe to say that you meet the expectations.”

“Oh, sorry?” your and Jeonghan’s ears pricked to attention.

“Yes! Weddings here are very coveted and exclusive, so we have to be quite choosy about who makes the cut. We have a reputation to keep up, after all!”

“Oh? Tell us more please!” you smiled, patting Jeonghan’s hand excitedly. He gripped your fingers in response.

“Well…I’m not supposed to share this, but I’m also so obsessed with you two,” Delia’s eyes glanced around conspiratorially. “We are very…considerate of our branding. There are…certain demographics and lifestyles that just aren’t compatible with the brand, so we steer clear. But you two…attractive, beautiful lawyers with a compelling story, we would be honored to work with you on your special day!”

You smiled and nodded in agreement, but there was something about the way Delia said ‘demographics’ and ‘lifestyles’ that seemed…consistent with what your client had shared with you. You decided to play dumb.

“Sorry what does that mean?” you asked. Widening your eyes in a way you hoped looked slightly confused and innocent.

“Well, you know,” Delia tried to clarify gingerly, “Like…lower income. Or, um…same sex, couples. I don’t agree, of course! But that is our kind of unwritten rule.”

“Of course, we understand,” Jeonghan spoke after realizing you were deep in furious thought. “Thank you so much for showing us around! What’s the process for following up and seeing which dates are available?”

“Of course!” Delia smiled brightly at him. She led you back to one of the front offices and assembled a packet of handouts and pamphlets with further instructions before seeing you out.

“Thank you very much!” you waved at her as you left.

“Wow that’s…something,” Jeonghan blinked once you were safely out of earshot.

“I fucking hate the wedding industry,” you grumbled as you let yourself into the car. “Bunch of bullshit.”

“I thought you wanted to get married.”

“I do, but I’m not getting married for the material things. I’d get married because we love each other!”

Jeonghan’s lips curled into a smile. It was irrational, but he allowed himself to enjoy the way you’d said ‘we’.

It was quiet as you drove, which allowed you to think. You’d pushed it aside for a moment, but your mind now returned to the contract Jeonghan had mentioned. Honestly you'd forgotten about it, but as soon as he'd mentioned it the memory had snapped back into clear focus. At the time, the explanation for why you’d signed it had been simple: you’d let yourself be goaded by Jeonghan. He had always been good at getting under your skin. Now when you thought about it, you were surprised to feel that what you’d told Delia felt true. It wouldn’t be the end of the world to end up with Jeonghan.

“Are you hungry?” you turned to Jeonghan, feeling the start of a pang of emptiness in your stomach.

“I could eat,” he shrugged.

“Okay, I’m getting so hungry,” you nodded, “Can you see what’s close? Anything will do.”

Jeonghan nodded, fingertips tapping his phone screen quickly. He gave you directions to what looked like a tin shed.

“It said it was barbeque,” he offered as explanation and you laughed. You had said anything would do.

“I will eat you if we don’t get some food soon,” you muttered under your breath as you got out of the car.

“Howdy, y’all!” a short, curvy hostess greeted you with a smile, “Just the two of you today?”

You nodded before shooting Jeonghan a look. This seemed to be a Hooters style establishment with a southern theme. You struggled to hold in a laugh as you were ushered to a booth.

“Can I get you started with anything to drink?” the hostess asked while making googly eyes at Jeonghan.

“I’ll have a coke and my wife…,” he gestured towards you to order. You pretended not to notice the waitress’ crestfallen look as you asked for a lemonade.

“No ice,” he clarified for you before the server had a chance to leave.

“You’re really leaning into this, huh?” you remarked, surprised that he’d remembered your aversion to ice.

“I prefer not to be solicited by my server,” Jeonghan leaned back. Whether he actually liked pretending to be engaged or married to you was his business for now. “It feels okay to be with you,” his smile was now teasing.

“Oh god,” you groaned, lifting your menu to block his mischievous gaze. He was quoting you.

“If I didn’t know you any better, I might think you liked me.”

“I did like you,” you blurted without thinking, “Wait, no,” you clarified. “I mean that I meant what I said to Delia. Even though you annoyed me, I respected you and admired you.”

Jeonghan wanted to ask whether you’d meant the other part of your statement to Delia too.

“And now?” he asked instead, “That was past tense.”

“I respect and admire you now, too,” you laughed, rolling your eyes. He was fishing, but you were happy to give him the compliment anyways.

Jeonghan grinned at you in an easy way that made your heart flip flop.

“Stop that,” you had to look away.

“Stop what?” he waggled his eyebrows at you playfully, grin still plastered across his face.

You weren't able to meet his gaze for a few more minutes, which pleased him inordinately. Were you losing your mind?

back to index | chapter 3

[vengefulvermin]

Can i get more passage of time/music development yapping ☹️☹️☹️??? I give you official permission to yap the most you can im so interested

YES YES YES YES YES I LOVE THIS ASK

warning beneath the cut SCARY WALL OF TEXT WARNING 😱

decided to divide it into colored parts if you dont gaf about certain elements 😭

second warning all of this is unedited rambling so some points might contradict each other or just plain not make sense.

okay so for CONTEXTTTTT

i have diagnosed OCD, and like, roughly since the end of last year and the beginning of this one, the 'obsession' part of OCD that was negatively affecting me, was the concept of time. how fleeting it was. how it's basically unescapable ALL THINGS MUST PASS (get out of my head george harrison) that shit proper cold dead SCARED ME MAN. sleepless & haunting me in my dreams type shi. sometimes it still does. i try not to think about it too much

to cope, i found great comfort in the 70s-80s since at the time i was and still am hyperfixated on david bowie and that was sort of his prime (love his 90s-00s work tho.) i was also starting to think of how much parallels and similar experiences i have to previous generations and how it's not ALL that bad after all so far. i can still walk to a record store and roller skate if i really wanted to, or go to a diner.

okey here's where the life changing stuff happens. i decided i'd listen to pink floyd's the dark side of the moon. then TIME CAME ON. ohhhh god oh gosh golly god i was bawling and everything the whole song spoke to me on a molecular level. then i found out about DB's song also called time, and i ALSO crode to that. i was like. wow. i'm not alone on this feeling of utter desperation and helplessness as eventually all things Must Pass. (GEORGE HARRSION GTFO)

i used to be bitchy on how i whined i was part of the 'wrong generation.' i thought i was alone, but virtually everyone of almost every era has thought this. somebody who lived my dream life wished they had what i have now.

that's when i started to lowkey realize the parallels and oneness of human experience. i could go to a club in the 70s, and (granted the infrastructure and music remains similar) i could today. nothing would change on how i perceive events. there is no color filter on the past. unless you got huge TVs and stuff all over your house, you could walk around, and think it's the 80s. AND IT'S BASICALLY THE 80s. the way your parents or any other gen Xer saw the world with their *eyes* (not counting the changes in buildings and stuff) is the same as you today pretty much.

i already really enjoy subcultures, and particularly how they evolve and adapt. the indomitable human spirit prevails no matter how gentrified or 'banned' things become. nowadays i feel like there is No Youth Subcultures. at least, none that will pass the test of time and be memorable enough to be remembered in the books. nobody's gonna go to their child and proudly say: "when i was your age, i was a chav" or something. and i credit this to the lack of creativity allowed in the wider music industry.

HEAR ME OUT this is because 90% of youth subcultures had everything to do with music. and now, everything must be palatable. to be clear there's nothing inherently wrong with that type of music, but to me it speaks no soul. it has no risks. contemporary pop music is very much formulaic and this is because now more than ever entertainment (this also applies to movies btw) is more of an investment than passion. I WILL SPECIFY.

music production is so vastly different genre to genre, and we're not letting it flourish because of how much short form content is valued nowadays. LET ME COOK.

tiktoks are formulaic. algorithms are formulaic. WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE. there must be an instant hook or rift in music if you want to 'go viral' as a musician. digitized fame doesn't mean SHIT (to me), since clearly monthly listeners don't equate real world fans. album sales are being replaced with streams, and because of how ASS spotify treats its artists, newer, less established acts need to GET ON THE GRIND INSTANTLY to earn Coin. that means that to be smart and work with the exploitative system they're given, they have to make albums filled with 1 minute 30 second songs. so you can technically give them the most amount of streams possible. i feel with this formulaic approach, you can't get 6 minute long gutwrenching guitar pieces. no more 4 minute drum solos, hell avant garde experimental works were 2 people shout their names out at each other for 20 minutes. THERE ARE NO MORE FRANK ZAPPAS.

i'm not going to be one of those sad assholes who claim there's 'no more good rock music' and how it'll never be the same. as corny as this is, the next beatles or nirvana could be right under our noses and we'll NEVER know because of how fame is distributed. it sucks to see a small band beg on tiktok for streams to kickstart their career. but this is what we gotta work with. if we want subcultures to be created and thrive, we gotta go looking underground again, except unlike in the past it's a kajillion times easier now AND everything gets gentrified in 2 tiktok weeks. but this is evolution. MUSIC EVOLUTION

the end honk shoo honk shoo (it's midnight)

[everythinginyou]

Everything In You: Chapter 2

Simon was the first to wake. Up until his most recent adventure, he had woken up and gone to sleep at the same time every day, so he was used to waking up before his alarm went off. As his vision gradually came to him, he noticed the light from his window felt off, and more pertinently, the woman of his dreams was sprawled across his entire body diagonally, snoring peacefully. The weight of her sleeping form pressing him deeper into his mattress was familiar and welcome despite making his breathing somewhat labored, and it took him a few moments to recall that it was actually her crushing him. How many mornings had he woken up praying she would be there when he opened his eyes? Simon smiled sleepily, closing his eyes once more and listening to her snores. He silently thanked every power he could think of for this prayer that after centuries had been answered.

After some time, Betty’s snoring quieted. The redhead yawned and clumsily smacked her own face to rub the sleep from her eyes, which caused Simon beneath her to wince. Suddenly alarmed, she flailed for her glasses and quickly donned them to assess where she had woken up. Betty turned and looked into the pale eyes of her beloved Simon, whom she was now evidently using as a mattress pad.

“G’morning Betty.” Simon wheezed.

“Sorry!” Betty blushed, scrambling to remove herself from the pencil-thin man she had rolled onto in her sleep.

“It’s alright, it kind of breaks the tension right away, doesn’t it?” Simon and Betty chuckled together as he sat up to retrieve his own glasses from the table beside him. Adjusting them on his face, he noticed the digital alarm clock that had sat beside them all night now read 12:26.

“Did we sleep all day?” he furrowed his brow, not completely convinced his eyes had adjusted correctly yet.

“That makes sense,” Betty remarked, “I haven’t slept in twelve years apparently.”

Simon laughed with his hand to his face, “Oh my God, I haven’t slept in like this in years!”

“You must have really needed someone to crush your rib cage all night I guess.” Betty joined in his laughter.

“I guess so!” Simon agreed, not even all that jokingly.

There was a sense of relief shared between them. The pressure from the previous night was beginning to lift off of them both, and comfort was settling in its place. Betty and Simon sat on the bed giving soft smiles to each other as this realization put them both at ease.

“I guess the exhibit is just going to stay closed today. I could use a break, anyway.” Simon shrugged.

“Exhibit? What exhibit?” Betty asked.

“Oh, it’s uh, it’s my house.” Simon gestured to the corrugated metal wall over Betty’s shoulder. “That wall opens up like a garage door. People come to look at the things in my house, all the antiques, myself included, and I talk about them. I’m a living artifact here.”

Betty was shocked, this was a man she remembered valuing his privacy. He could talk the ears off of anyone who cared to listen when he had an ancient artifact to discuss; she recalled his exuberance sharing knowledge with her on their countless museum dates, but she couldn’t imagine him willingly putting himself in the lighted case to be observed and remarked on. “Wow,” she finally managed “and you like doing this?”

“I mean,” Simon looked away, “I like being part of history. I like to imagine some schoolkid as fascinated with me as I used to be with… like, cuneiform tablets and ancient manuscripts, and how they used to tell me all this information about what life was like in ancient times. I like to imagine how exciting it would have been to me as a child if I could have met someone from a thousand years ago still living, and what insights they could have given me on their daily lives. I would have killed for someone like myself at that age… but…” he trailed off, looking at Betty who was waiting for him to continue, “but, it hasn’t really been what I had hoped it would be. It’s not exactly my dream career. It feels so much more like a sideshow than an educational showcase most days.”

“Then why don’t you find something more fulfilling to spend your time doing?” Betty inquired.

“The world has changed so much I don’t even know what else I would do. I’m too old to be out here looking for entry-level jobs, y’know?” Simon deflated, resigned to his fate. Betty didn’t accept that so easily, and shook her head. “Society can’t be so fundamentally different now that you can’t find somewhere you belong in it.”

“What would I be?” Simon asked.

“What do you want to be?” Betty pressed.

Simon paused, considering the question she had posed. That answer had changed more times than he could remember. “I don’t know…” he answered under his breath.

“You don’t have to know right now,” Betty conceded. “but I remember the man you always wanted to be.”

Betty took her fiancé by the chin and turned his face up to look at her. Simon blushed at her sudden surge of assertiveness and met her gaze.

“You are Dr. Simon Petrikov. You are the kindest, sweetest, bravest, cleverest, most eloquent, funniest, best-dressed, handsomest scholar in this dimension.”

Simon laughed bashfully, growing pinker with every descriptor, “Well, I’m not much of a scholar these days, nice as that would be.”

“What’s stopping you?” Betty questioned.

“Well, there aren’t really any universities in Human City, not even in Ooo as far as I’m aware. Long-gone are the days of higher education I’m afraid.” Simon sighed.

“That can’t be right. You haven’t encountered a single educational institution since the war?” Betty questioned.

“There’s the Wizard School in Wizard City, but as much as I know, that’s more or less it. The world’s still too dangerous for academic pursuits outside of magic, I suppose.” Simon responded.

“Well, that ought to be rectified.” Betty posited with a smirk. “Don’t you think so?”

Despite his confusion by her expression, Simon didn’t disagree. “Yeah, it does feel like there should have been something established by now. It’s not like we’re living in the wastelands anymore.”

Realizing he was not taking the bait, Betty made herself clearer: “We could start our own school!”

“What?!” Simon reeled back from her excitement.

Lunging up on her knees, Betty continued, “I could be a professor of ancient history! Only, now I guess I am ancient history… But, I could speak from personal experience! You could become an archaeology professor like you always wanted to be! And you’d be so good at it; who knows more about history than someone who has lived through so much of it?!”

“Darling, it doesn’t work that way…” Simon gently resisted her enthusiastic rambling, not wanting to get his hopes too high.

“Why not? If things are so different now, who says they can’t work that way? Even the biggest universities back then had to start somewhere, right? It’s only a matter of time before someone realizes there needs to be an institution of higher education here. Why can’t you be part of it?” Betty retorted.

“It would be nice…” Simon admitted, “to be remembered for something other than being Ice King.”

“Well, I may never get out from under being GOLB,” Betty chuckled, “but it would be really nice to create something that does a lot of good, and outlasts us.”

Liking her train of thought, Simon indulged the fantasy, “We could plan lessons together. I’d guest lecture in your classes and you in mine.”

Excited that he was playing along, Betty continued, “We’d go on school-sponsored archaeological digs with our students to dig up our own stuff from back in the day.”

“I wonder if they can find my old favorite coffee mug. The one with the birds? I miss that one.” Simon pouted.

“We’d have offices right next to each other!” Betty squealed, “I’d come to your office when I’m doing research to steal kisses and books.”

“Oh, we could write another book, one about the Mushroom War, and what led up to it. Or maybe a comprehensive history of Ooo.” Simon scratched his chin as he plotted.

“And we could severely overcharge our students for it and make it a required text.” Betty joked.

The two of them laughed deep and hard at their little fantasy world they’d created, rubbing the mist of laughter and wistfulness from their eyes.

“I would love to be professors with you, Betty. I can’t imagine a more wonderful life than that.” Simon sighed.

“I bet I can.” Betty teased, taking his hand, “Imagine if my students called me Mrs. Petrikov.”

Simon smiled “Dr. Petrikov you mean.”

“Never got that far.” she reminded him sadly.

“That’s why the first degree the university will award will be the honorary doctorate to Mrs. Betty Petrikov for her outstanding and historic breakthroughs in the study of magical artifacts!” he proclaimed.

“‘The doctors' Petrikov they’ll call us.” Betty beamed.

“Oh Betty,” Simon pressed his forehead to hers in a surge of strong affection, and they both closed their eyes, “I cannot wait to be your husband. I can’t believe we finally get the chance.”

“When should we get married?” she giddily urged him, wiggling in her seat.

“As soon as possible, I don’t want to waste another minute not married to you, my love.” he wrapped his arms around her.

All of the clumsiness of their reunion had melted away, and their romance was once again in full swing. The couple pressed the softness of their bodies together; Betty positioned herself in the lap of the man before her, their hot breath intermingling as their mouths just barely touched.

Before their lips had a chance to lock, Betty once again asked, “What else do you want to be?”

“I-” Simon paused, the hotness in his cheeks draining as another thought crossed his mind, something they had once agreed on a lifetime ago, but he could not be sure was still a prospect: something he knew he and she both at one time wanted, but he wasn’t sure was the answer she was angling for. Was it even worth getting his hopes up over again? And would mentioning it now call that into question? On the other hand, would saying it have the same desirous effect on her as it once did?

“I want-” his arms were around her waist, hers around his shoulders, his heart in his eardrums, drowning out his doubt. His head was blank and his mouth dry, but he found the courage from some deep reserve to say what he truly wanted, “I want to be the father of your children.”

This was the trigger phrase. She fell into him, whining low; her lips crashing fervid and heavy into his. Her whole weight melted into his body and her hips pressed deeper into Simon’s pelvis. He was pleased to discover that they were both in complete accord in this manner once again, and that his old tricks still had the same charm on her as he returned the kiss with increased passion. As they moaned into each others’ mouths, the two grew more desperate and needy with every passing second. Hands began to wander and fingers found buttons, clumsily toying with clothing that only felt like a constrictive barrier at this moment. Betty broke her kiss to focus on the task of removing Simon’s shirt, and then her own. His hands remained on her hips as he watched her expose herself to him. His lips pursed to say “wow,” but stopped just short of embarrassing himself, instead only looking up at her with wide, sparkling eyes. Her smile down at him was warm and nurturing, and she reached down to guide his hands slowly up the sides of her waist, across her rib cage, and up to her own chest, resting them there and inviting him to keep going. His hands at her breasts, he began to gently squeeze and fondle the smooth, pliant flesh. Betty leaned her head back and hummed encouragingly. His thumb brushed across her hardening nipple and she gasped as a shockwave of chills overcame her. Simon responded to this reaction by leaning in to put his mouth around the nipple and lightly stimulating it with his tongue.

“Simon…” Betty sighed, her face reddening at the sensations that were beginning to flutter within her. In response to them, she gently grinded her hips into him and noticed the growing mound hardening against her pussy. Simon’s moans raised in pitch and he more desperately began sucking Betty’s nipples. Betty vocalized her pleasure at this, steadily getting wetter and wetter as she found a rhythm rubbing herself into his stiff cock. Simon’s voice croaked involuntarily. His concentration on her breasts broke, and he pulled her body in closer, his fingers gripping her back, pressing his torso tightly against hers.

“Oh, Betty…” Simon couldn’t bear the tease much longer; he threw himself on top of her. Betty yelped in surprise at this, but it was not at all an unwelcome escalation. Once again, his lips met hers in a moaning embrace. Positioned between her legs, he leaned back on his knees, and hooked his fingers in the elastic hem of the pajama bottoms she still wore. She smiled and allowed him to remove the garment until she was finally fully naked before him. She was all pasty-white freckled skin and red hair as above, so below. Betty lay on her back, wrists up by her flushing red ears, legs parted, and the wet, pink opening between them begged for touch. She panted, looking doe-eyed at Simon who seemed to be taking her in. Betty thought she should feel self-conscious; a man whose touch she had not known in lifetimes gazed hungrily down on her, and yet she felt no shame or meekness to him, only burning, aching want. Need.

“Please,” Betty begged.

Simon obliged. Breaking his stupor, Simon removed his own pants as quickly as he could manage. His rigid cock sprung upward as the waistband passed over it, and Betty bit her lip in excitement as she caught sight of it. He hurriedly aligned the tip of his penis with her entrance and pressed it against her very lightly, feeling how intensely wet she had become. He leaned forward, positioning himself above her with his hands on the bed on either side of her chest.

“Are you ready?” Simon whispered, seeking reassurance from his beloved before continuing.

Betty could only nod vigorously, desperate for him to fill her up.

With her confirmation, Simon looked Betty in the eyes and pushed his cock inside her all the way to the hilt.

Betty gasped and Simon threw his head back in ecstasy. He remained perfectly still and let the initial wave of pleasure wash over him, so as to not let himself get too excited too quickly. Betty, too, relished the feeling of being filled completely by him, breathless in blissful feelings bubbling up within her. A quick adjustment of angle, and Simon began to slowly and deliberately move his hips back and forth with long, gentle, full-length strokes. Betty shut her eyes, fully allowing herself to feel every inch of him.

Simon kept his eyes open. The sight of this beautiful creature splayed out before him, bare-naked, red-faced, and making pathetic needy little noises with every thrust of his cock had him rapturous. No memory in his mind, nor a century’s worth of wet dreams could compare to what was actually happening now. He focused every molecule of attention toward fucking her— toward making her feel good. He gave one firmer thrust which cased her to moan loudly and arch her back.

The change in her grip sent an electric charge through Simon’s body and he exclaimed, “Betty!” He changed pace, switching to quicker, harder strokes as he leaned forward, putting his weight now on his forearms and burying his face in the crook of her neck, grunting and whining with each thrust.

“Simon!” Betty responded to his intensity. She hooked her arms under his and wrapped them, along with her legs, around his back, clutching onto his slender frame as tightly as her limbs could manage. She pulled him in closer to her and he laid more of his weight down on her in turn. It was as if they could not get close enough to one another. Simon’s back was slick with sweat, and his forehead as well. Betty bit his shoulder, whimpering as he pounded away inside her.

The sounds of moans and wet skin, and the heat of two bodies in union filled the dusty bedroom. Both Simon and Betty were trying as hard as they could to make their first encounter last, neither of them wanted this moment to end. But a lifetime of yearning for each other’s sex had to reach its summit.

Simon felt Betty’s walls tightening around him; she began to claw his back and dig her teeth into his shoulder, letting out a string of short high whines before shouting “Don’t stop! Simon, I’m going to cum!”

Simon himself was rounding over his apex, and he propped himself up to look at his lover’s face, cupping his hands behind her head. “I’m close too…” he panted. “Simon! I’m coming!” Betty cried, her legs trembling and sweating around Simon’s thrashing hips. She felt white hot fire inside her pussy radiating up to her core, and out to every extremity. Her walls clenched tight around the base of his shaft.

“Betty!” Simon’s sweat-dripping face tensed. Her orgasm sent him hurdling over the edge he had been balanced upon, and it was as if he had been a knot that was finally untied. The immense release overtook him, and he groaned long and low, climaxing in synchronicity with her. Her head fell back to the mattress and her mouth fell agape as she rode the quivering waves of her climax. He bucked his hips, his cock spurting jets of hot cum that filled Betty’s pussy full enough to leak out of her while his twitching rod was still buried as deep in her as possible. The bedroom was warmer than it was previously, and humid from the condensation of their labored breaths. Simon had forgotten the sweet, earthy scent of copulation— of sweat and pheromones, and it awoke memories of their old bedroom and the awkward, groping encounters that occurred therein. This was better; they’d gotten better, he concluded. As he returned to awareness from his post-orgasmic bliss, he remembered that he was laying, entirely drained, with his whole weight pressing Betty into the mattress, catching his breath. The coincidence of having woken up with Betty laying heavy across his body, and having swapped roles with her was not lost on him. She continued to clutch tightly to the man who was now softening inside her, feeling the pleasant aftershocks of their lovemaking. “Oh,” Simon suddenly became aware of a transgression, and he pulled his slick member free from her cunt, a healthy gush of semen following it, for which he was embarrassed to have deposited without explicit permission “I’m so sorry, Betty I should have asked if I could…”

Betty shushed him before he could finish, “Don’t, that’s exactly what I wanted.” She reached down between her own legs and investigated what he had done to her, taking the slick fluid and slowly swirling it around her clitoris teasingly. Still sensitive and overstimulated, she shuddered at the sensation and involuntarily jerked her hand away, chuckling. Simon was surprised by her reaction, but relieved, and he sighed with contentment as he sat up on his knees and gazed at her.

Suddenly feeling awkward about staring again, Simon looked around the room, “Uhh, can I get you a towel or something? Do you need something to clean up with?”

Betty laughed at his frantic searching, “No, I’m fine, I think I’m just going to take a shower.”

“Of course!” Simon replied “I can show you where the bathroom is.”

While Betty rinsed off in the shower, Simon changed into his usual attire of a button-up shirt and bow tie. Even on occasions where he didn’t have to be seen by the general public, he liked to dress himself to the nines. He liked the way it made him feel— confident, dapper, scholarly, all the things he strove to be. And he still felt the need to impress Betty after all this time. Betty emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a yellow towel, with another wrapped around her head. Steam poured out from behind the bathroom door. She was delighted to have had a hot shower after so long without. Simon was sitting on his couch, his hands in his lap, obviously waiting for her to come out.

“Um, can I borrow some clothes? I only really have what I came with.” Betty meekly asked.

“Uh, yeah! Of course. I can ask Marceline where she and Bonnibel get their clothes from. In the meantime, let me go see if I can find something for you.” Simon stood and hurried back into his bedroom. Betty remained in the living room. She looked around, noticing more than she did before in the daylight. A statuette of a Grecian goddess stood out to her because of its anachronistic cat-eye glasses fashioned out of a red paperclip. A display of telephones from various time periods. Inexplicably, a large framed print of a jar of mayonnaise? Multiple implements for brewing coffee. A small but diverse record collection; some classical, some jazz, some classic rock. He was still an antiquarian after all.

Simon returned with a folded shirt and pants in his arms, “I don’t know if these will still fit the way we used to be able to. I may have put on a little weight around my midsection since then…” “Did you mean what you said earlier?” Betty immediately responded.

“Said what?” Simon inquired.

“Do you still want to have kids with me?” she asked.

Without missing a beat, Simon said “Well, yeah. I know we used to talk about it all those years ago, and one of my biggest regrets was not being able to start a family with you. Now, I don’t know if that’s possible anymore, but-”

“Why wouldn’t it be? I don’t know how old I am, Simon. I missed out on a thousand years, and then I guess twelve more? I don’t even know what being GOLB did to me, physically. I don’t… feel as old as I think I should be. Maybe it’s not possible, but, if it is, I want to try. I think we deserve a chance if we have any. And if there is any chance, then we should probably make that decision soon, because I don’t know how much longer we’ll have to make that work...” Betty couldn’t look Simon in the eyes as she confessed all of her thoughts. She wrung her hands, glancing from floorboard to floorboard as she spoke.

This was a lot for Simon to process. It took him some time to understand what she was saying. He stood in the bedroom door frame, spare clothes in hand, staring wide-eyed at the towelled woman before him. Without really thinking, he said, “Okay.” Unlike Betty, he did feel older. There were signs of aging in him that his beloved did not display. In fact, she barely looked a day older than the day he met her. It was absurd for him to think about becoming a father when his hair was greying and his face displayed new wrinkles to discover every time he regarded himself in a mirror, but he did not stop to consider this when presented with the opportunity to rectify an injustice he deeply wished to correct for so long. Simon Petrikov had become a father figure to many in his lifetime, and yet he still longed for the joys of fatherhood. “We’ll try. We’ll keep trying. I want to give you a baby.” he declared firmly.

Betty grinned, delighted by his response. From the moment she imagined them starting a life together, she knew she wanted to have a child with him. If it were possible, she couldn’t pass up on such an opportunity. “Okay! But if we’re going to do this, we are going to do this right.”

[original-character-championship]

Bracket F Round 1

Poll 13

Sol (@digital-roots) vs. Adriel Lamina (@the-puppet-show)

345. Sol (@digital-roots)

any prns except she/her (prefers he/him)

Several Reasons Actually!!! - has been my main oc darling since 2017 - THE babygirl ever - bitter divorced middle aged man with many issues so he needs a win <//3 - cringefail trans gay man - i think he has the same energy as the main character of disco elysium - accidentally made me question my gender identity which is funny to me - hes actually southern - i keep changing stories with him and the most recent one he's a former hitman and his work partner was a creepy 19 year old - i realize some of these arent real reasons but fuck you <3 - he would listen to mother mother unironically - his voice claim is pent from khonjin house

Long dull orange hair thats braided and falls at his back. Gray green eyes with eyebags under them and pale slightly sick looking skin. White button up with black suspenders and slacks. Brown leather shoes. Chapped hands. Sometimes has an axe or crossbow.

346. Adriel Lamina (@the-puppet-show)

No real preference, most default to he/him.

Adriel is a very dear character to me, and he is my first real step into showing people the things I create. But enough about me!

Adriel is the child of a (currently unnamed) mortal and demigod, making him one-third god. He exists in the Arcane Odyssey world, a (very good) Roblox game based in greek mythology. Due to his heritage, he is doomed to outlive anyone he dares to love. And yet, despite that, he loves, he cares, though in an environment like The War Seas, that can easily be exploited. So, he hides it behind him just meeting the basic level of 'good intentions', and that 'anyone would do the same'. But those close to him know all too well. Also he's a little bit of an ass <3

The man shaped spawn of a demigod, with carefully unruly red hair. He has the traits of a typically christian angel because I designed him before realizing the game he was made for is based in greek mythology and I like how it looks too much to really change it. Probably should.

(Poll art commissioned from @/jell0-cupz)

[archibaldtuttle]

Watching Tideland when I was 16 as part of my complete chronological Terry Gilliam retrospective might be the most traumatizing cinema experience I've ever had.

I do want to talk about it, but I will tell you up top : I don't recommend you watch this film. I don't want to go into the events of the film in detail because that is not something I want on my blog and so this post does not qualify as a list of things you can expect in Tideland. If you really want to check it out, read a summary first. I'm being serious.

Now I've watched a ton of horror films. Between the ages of 14 to 19 I had access to a huge digital library of pirated horror films, a lot of the cheap cheesy 80's slashers, but others genuinely horrifying. I can be a little bit of a wuss BUT I don't get my stomach turned and my mind blown easily by horror.

Tideland fucked me up. To the point that, even though I absolutely, 100% recognize that it is a very well made film, probably one of Gilliam's films closest to his intent and vision, a beautiful work of art that aligns perfectly with his obsessions and themes, I genuinely cannot recommend it to anyone or watch it again.

There's no monster or alien or ghost or serial killer. There's no stalking murderer or torture devices or even that much active tension. But there are some of the most fucked up situations I've ever seen put to film. And the fucked up situations aren't even the problem really, I've seen a lot of intensely wrong scenes put to film. The problem is that those things are happening to a child. And that child is too young/too sheltered/too alienated inside her own mind to realize how fucked up they are.

The film is designed to make you want to protect the main character. It is designed to make you follow and understand her slow mental decay as her young mind tries and fails to process what happens around her. It is designed to make you feel helpless, because you cannot reach into the screen and pull her out. She's not getting attacked or beaten. She's not being pursued by some kind of beast. She's suffering from something that may seem outwardly outrageous but is, at its core, extremely real and extremely human.

Tideland is set in a sort of island where the sea is endless fields of wheat. The main character is taken there as a way to "protect" her, by isolating her from the real world. There, she finds figures that seem familiar and unknown at the same time. She is left alone. Found. Adopted. Her mind fractures. The train gets louder and louder at night. As though the rails were getting closer. It's called a shark. The tide is creeping closer, inevitably. It will sweep the fragile edifice she made of her own mind to try and keep it afloat.

Tideland is a beautiful film. I will never watch it again.

[designchic75]

I thought I’d talk a bit today about how and when I “woke up” around two years ago and why I never fell for the plandemic. I was working at a furniture store and had just started hearing the term Covid 19 being thrown around. My coworker had just gotten back from a vacay in Arizona. She was telling me how the area that they were staying in was starting to close down some of the bars and restaurants because of the virus. She was looking at me all wide-eyed and scared and I remember thinking, “What the heck is wrong with you?” One of the biggest tells about the entire thing for was when I found out that U.S. news stations were using old footage from other countries. For instance, something that was supposedly currently taking in New York was old footage from another country. That was a huge eye opener for me. The following are some of the other reasons that I knew we weren’t being told the truth.

1. There were “boots on the ground” people who were going around and filming at the supposedly overrun hospitals, which were almost completely empty. They were being forced off the premises because they didn’t want them filming the truth. 

2. The doctors and nurses who were working in the supposedly overrun hospitals who had time and energy to make TikTok music videos made no sense. That would never be the case if this had been a true pandemic. 

3. I was told that I supposedly needed to take a shot to cure a virus that was 99.7% curable in my age group. That makes zero sense whatsoever.

4. I watched the media, big pharma, politicians, fast food places, etc. CONTANTLY threatening, bribing and pushing the experimental shots. If you have to do all this to make someone take an shot, there’s something much bigger at play. 

5. I watched as small businesses, churchs, etc. were forced to close down while big box stores, strip clubs, etc. were deemed essential. Really?

Before the plandemic I guess I took a lot at face value. Then I came across a former military guy on Twitter and began to realize how asleep I truly was. From there I discovered Mel K, David Nino Rodriguez, X 22, Q The Storm Rider and many others who saw the big picture. I was shocked to learn that there’s an elite global cabal (or deep state) who owns and is in control of almost everything in our world such as the media, politicians, big pharma, food companies, the entertainment and music industry, etc. This groups’ goal is to get the millions of people in the world down to a smaller and more manageable number. I began to understand the multiple reasons for the plandemic. It was to steal the 2020 election from president Trump by the use of mail-in ballots and other means, and to illegally install pedo puppet Biden who was going to lead us into the Great Reset (new world order), eliminate much of the population with the shots, to strip freedoms one by one from the people until we got used to it and relented to absolute control, to bring us into the new world order (great reset) where we’d own nothing and be happy, switch us to a fully digital currency that could be controlled and cut off at any time, etc. I now see that in most cases the American people and many others were given an allusion of choice as to who they wanted to be in office. It turns out that most of these politicians were one in the same. Former presidents and leaders who I had foolishly put on a pedestal were some of the most evil, and were involved in the most unthinkable acts imaginable, including treason, child trafficking and rape, etc. I realized that color revolutions were used by the deep state to take out legally elected leaders in other countries as a means to install their own puppets. I learned that orchestrated inside jobs like 9/11, were used as a means to send the U.S. into unnecessary wars to fund the deep state industrial war complex. I learned that child trafficking is worldwide the biggest business and learned about the trafficking tunnels that run under every country in the world. I could go on and on all day about all that I’ve learned but that’s much of it in a large nutshell. Once you truly wake up there’s no going back to sleep. 

[panthera-dei]

Small discussion of something I don't quite understand... This is coming from a millennial who grew up finding my own way around the Internet largely unsupervised and 100% uncensored.

I try really hard to follow and respect folks' DNI guidelines. However, I don't quite understand why some blogs are marked as "DNI if your blog isn't child-safe." I understand it the other way around - "minors DNI" makes sense to me because many of us adults create content and use language that is geared towards other adults. However, I don't actually know what the criteria are for a "child-safe" blog.

I don't post any sexual content on my blog; however, I do use the term "sexual" or discuss health issues. (And I use the word "fuck" sometimes.) I don't post any kind of dangerous or forbidden knowledge on my blog, as far as I know, but would some folks consider witchcraft posts to be dangerous to children who probably shouldn't be fucking about (there I go again) with magic? You'd have to actually click on my blog and scroll through my endless reblogs of memes & pretty photographs & SPN GIFs to find anything untoward - and yet, are GIFs from a TV show about angels, demons, and monster hunters considered unsafe for children??

Another point: why is it *my* responsibility to metaphorically babysit someone else's kid online? Is that not their parents' job?? Also I assume that Tumblr adheres to current COPPA laws and prohibits children under the age of 13 from being on Tumblr. SPN is rated PG-13/TV-14. I don't know how many times I'm allowed to use the word "fuck" (dammit, I did it again) before my blog gets an R rating, but generally I believe that my blog's content would fall under the PG-13 category. So does that mean that I'm allowed to "like" the Littlest Pet Shop GIF collection, or not?

One more thing: as previously mentioned, I was allowed to roam the internet unsupervised and uncensored. My mama taught me how to be safe on the Internet and taught me *why* internet safety is important. She taught me which things to avoid and why to avoid them. And then I was pretty much allowed to wander freely, and if I came across something "scary" or inappropriate, I either closed it out and moved on with my life or I took it to her and asked "WTF". (Does it count as another "fuck" if I said it in an acronym?)

I did the same thing with library books too. And I think that having that access and that openness did me a lot of favors because it taught me how to regulate myself, curate my own content online, and learn the boundaries of safety for myself. I was smart enough to realize that most folks on the Internet were grown ups, and that if I wanted kid-safe content it was best to go to a site *made for kids,* and that you should probably have basic reading comprehension before getting too far into a website. Is that not how children are being taught these days?? (Rhetorical question... As a teacher, trust me, I've seen enough teenagers' Spotify playlists to know that these kids hear words and content that would make *me* blush, and I've said the word "fuck" about 15 times in this one post.)

I don't know. Is anyone else having issues with navigating some of the new social norms of the Internet world? Or is it just little ol' fuckin' me who's lacking in modern digital etiquette skills?

[butchniqabi]

my nana kept my mums big box of cassettes that mum didn't want when CDs began to be king, and then after she passed away recently we found the box in her belongings, with mums old cassette player! mum was SO excited, and now we all get together in the kitchen and blast the songs she used to play when she was my age and it's introduced me to so much cool music and artists that I've never heard of! some of the tapes were made and labelled by her friends and it's so fun reading their names and wondering what they're doing now. it makes me sad to think my kids will get like a few CDs of mine, the rest is digital :(

omg thats so cool! and very sweet! it reminds me when i was a kid my mom had a BIG box full of nothing but cds, so big in fact she kept it in my closet bc it wouldnt fit anywhere else aegwbejdnd. at the time it annoyed the hell out of me bc as i grew up digital music became more and more popular and my mom was downloading (illegally lol) her music anyways so i was like! oh my GOD mom get your stuff out of here why do you even have so many cds 🙄🙄🙄 but when we moved (almost exactly 10 years ago, how crazy is that!) she ended up getting rid of most if not all of them. i even lost the cd my mom made especially for me which was comprised of her singing lullabies, theme songs from kids shows, and a few other songs i cant quite recall. though i so know one of them was "in my life" by the beatles (and for years i swore this band whose breakup pre-dates my mom's birth stole the song from her).

anyways I AGREE!! i started collecting tapes for personal reasons i wont get into here to save time but as i started hoarding more cassettes and cds i realized that id like to give this to someone someday! i had an idea that i might make a mixtape on a cd for every year of my child(ren)'s life, full of songs they liked or that i was into at the time. unsure if i'll remember to do it in (x) amount of years when i have a baby, but yes we need more physical media!

[iheart-nana]

xxiii. whispers in the dark

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE ─ whispers in the dark.

❛ and i should get a ciggarette for so much restraint ❜

Kim Taesung's Perspective

For a few moments after Yumi left, I found myself staring blankly at the door. I too was shocked at the fact that I offered to teach her guitar. Did I have that much restraint? And that too, at my house? I couldn't stop thinking of her and it drove me nuts. Tonight, she looked stunning. She had always been pretty, but today? She took my breath away. Her hair framed her face in a way that seemed so effortless, like a masterpiece painted with the dim light bulbs that lit up my living room.

I couldn't shake off the conversation that I had with Inhyuk in the kitchen. He said Yumi was the one who planned everything, and then slapped my shoulder playfully. Was it really the case? Or was he just teasing me? I had so many questioned swirling around my head, and I couldn't make sense of any of them.

I suddenly remembered that she got me a gift. It really wasn't a big deal, I tried to tell myself. Everyone got me gifts. But desire to see what she got me devoured me whole and I found myself inching towards the dark blue paper bag that sat on the table, which seemed to be calling out to me, waiting to be opened.

I sensed some hesitation as my hand reached inside it, pulling out a box—that seemed rather heavy for its size. My heart pounded in my ears as my fingers brushed against the smooth, velvety surface. A chill ran down my spine as my eyes landed on the label.

It was a perfume.

The delicate glass bottle shimmered in the dim light, its contents a mystery waiting to be unveiled. A wave of emotions crashed over me—surprise, confusion, and a strange sense of anticipation. How did she know? Had she been paying attention to my preferences, or was this a random act of kindness?

With a shaking hand, I lifted the box lid, revealing a delicate glass bottle. It was a simple rectangular bottle, yet its cold surface sent shivers down my spine. A clear blue liquid swirled within it. My hand reached for the bottle cap, unscrewing it with a newfound gentleness in my hands. I lifted the bottle up to my nose, inhaling the scent.

Unlike anything I'd expected, the fragrance was a captivating paradox. Woody notes, reminiscent of sun-warmed cedarwood, formed the base, grounding the scent with a sense of strength and earthiness. But then, a wave of unexpected freshness washed over it. A hint of salt air hit my nose, and I could practically feel the ocean breeze. It was the scent of a tropical beach after summer rain, where the heat had coaxed out the earthy aromas of the forest floor while leaving the air fresh and alive.

What does this mean?

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

My mom had come into my room about half an hour ago, bidding me good night. I too, had tucked myself into my warm, comfy bed, when the realization that Yumi wasn't home hit me like a speeding truck on an expressway. An uneasy feeling washed over me, as all my drowsiness was drowned out by worry and concern. Ever since then, I've been sitting on the kitchen platform, staring out the little square window that looked down on the street.

I remember the day I first met Yumi. It was one of my most vivid memories as a child when my age was just a single digit. I don't remember a lot of things from when I was that little but that day was fresh in my mind as if it happened yesterday. I had heard a loud wailing sound from the sand pit in the park and found Yumi crying because all the other kids had sand toys except her. I remember chuckling and offering my toys, telling her to stop crying. I never knew that she would become such a significant part of my life.

When Yumi had been working at the law firm, I watched the spark slowly disappear from her eyes each evening she reached home. The vibrant young woman I knew was slowly fading away, slipping from my reach, replaced by a weary stranger burdened by unseen woes. My heart ached for her, but my attempts to reach out were met with a wall of silence. Whenever I brought up the subject of her job, a guarded look would cloud her features, and the conversation would hit a dead end. It was as if her feelings were locked in a vault, and she'd thrown away the key.

That's why, when I spotted her- practically skipping down the street, my lips stretched into a huge grin. I hadn't seen her smile like that in ages. It was as if someone had flipped a switch within her, igniting a forgotten light that had been buried beneath the weight of her burdens. The world, usually cast in a dull, dreary filter, seemed to come alive again. Even the streetlights, normally harsh and flickering, seemed to dim in reverence, their feeble glow overshadowed by the radiance emanating from Yumi.

Instead of letting myself ponder on the reasons for her newfound joy, I let myself appreciate the happiness radiating off her. Though we weren't related by blood, our bond was as strong as that of real sisters. I wanted her to keep smiling like that for the rest of time. 

As I heard her footsteps making their way to the front door, I leaped off the platform and bolted to my room, switching off the lights in a frenzy. I stumbled on my way, not being able to differentiate a lamp from a clothing rack thanks to the fact that I was sitting like a ghost in the darkness. Aside from the fact that I would have knocked the living daylight out of her, it would have been pretty difficult to explain why I was awake at that ungodly hour. I lay in my bed- that somehow felt warmer than before, and let myself fall into a slumber as the smile never left my lips.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: the header turned out so cute (*^_^*)

delphi's notes: taesung entering his loser era

next chapter: saturday list of chapters here!

[ferny-berny]

there's a first for everything

I’m finally doing it. I’m writing my first blog post!

For a long time now, I couldn’t tell you if it’s been months or years because I guess I’ve always wanted to share my thoughts with the world, I’ve wanted to make a blog. When I was younger the idea of being a youtuber was super cool, but I always told myself that I should only post online if I had something genuinely interesting and original to contribute. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a kid who clearly just had a desire to be creative. It honestly stopped me from doing a lot of things, but I can proudly say I have a very clean digital footprint :p

Always a passive scroller, never a poster. 

Growing up as a child with unsupervised access to the internet, media consumption was my number one hobby. Too old to be an iPad baby, but too young to know what life was like before Google existed; the sweet spot, really. Maybe I’m biased, but the internet I grew up on is not the one that lives today. It’s really a reflection of the collective mind, all the misinformation and lack of critical thinking… don’t get me started. The internet I grew up with was an option - available, but not necessary. None of us were taking it too seriously because, honestly, they hadn’t figured out how to make money on there yet. Even making money on a site like eBay felt like a fun little game, but maybe that’s the childhood nostalgia warping reality. 

You get my point though - it used to be fun and now it’s not. At least not for me. It’s just doomscroll, laugh at tweet, post cute pic, repeat. It really can’t be normal to be going through as many emotions as you do when you scroll down the timeline. Amygdala going crazyyyy.

I know that this is just a string of tangents so far, but I promise I’m going somewhere with this -

The internet can be fun again! It’s special because it’s a place to connect and share. As fun as it is to watch my shows and listen to my little playlists, the thing that really feeds me is being able to talk about it with someone. I am a certified yapper, like my roommate says.

Funny thing though: as I close out this chapter of my life, I am also done with what feels like the research stage of it. The time I spent simply sitting back and observing the world is very important to me. It wasn’t all happy, but it taught me a lot. I am raising my hand in the classroom of life (hahaha). I would like to participate now. 

There’s a lot left to explore, I’m only 23 after all. Which if you’re younger may feel old, but even if that were true, it’s cool to age. You couldn’t pay me to be ~young~ again. Who knew it could hurt so much to be in the dark? The growing pains still come and go, but are much easier to bear nowadays. I have at least found the switch to see things more clearly. 

A big realization was that I don’t want to waste any more time. It took me a while to come to terms with my anxiety, but one of the things that I had to accept was that thinking about anything too hard will make me not want to do it. Like this. This is being written on a google doc because I can’t figure out what to name the actual blog. But that just cannot be the reason I don’t do it. There won’t always be more time.

This past year has been a big one for me. It was my final year in college. I’m a super senior, so I got an extra year and it honestly ended up working out, but until about last week it didn’t register that I won’t be a college student forever. After this I’ll never have another finals week, study sesh in the library, or a casual chat at the english department… no more dumplings from the dumpling cart, pizza from Christian’s (at 2am after a night out), or basil fried rice from my favorite Thai place on campus. It just started setting in that my weeks are, in fact, counted. That maybe there won’t be a next time for certain things; that museum visit that I’ve pushed off since moving down here could simply not happen if I don’t carve out the time to actually do it because it is ending. Things do end, (un)fortunately. I thought it never would. 

Yada yada, I’m getting sappy. And we don’t know each other yet.

The point is: you won’t always have all the time in the world. I get it now. So I want a place to talk about it. That and music, social issues, self-care, pop culture, books, movies, etc.

I want my voice to be heard. I’ll admit it’s a little scary to speak up, but I have so many thoughts that I’m going to try and just post it before I find a reason not to. I hope you join in because I hate talking to myself :)

[eopajs]

Rambling about me and video games (mostly DMC) and how I fell for Vergil

God, I didn't expect I would talk this much...

(And I guess I won't talk about mobile games, especially the gacha ones.)

I guess I should keep a record when I still remember, digital record makes this easier (thank you steam purchase history and completionist.me).

So my first time heard about Devil May Cry probably was the time they announced the existence of DMC5. And I was kinda attracted to that middle-aged hot daddy Dante. So I bought the DMC HD collection.

Then I started playing the first DMC game in March, 2019, and it's the first time I played some action game that is so hard.

I don't have a long history with video games (probably because of my gender: girls shouldn't play videos games yada yada), which is sad. The only chance I had to get in touch with games when I was a child was when my game-addicted cousin was playing Crossfire and I got to watch quietly. And if he was in good mood, he would allow me to play PvZ. It was until 2017, I had my own laptop and my own steam account. The first three games I bought was Meadow, Assassin's Creed: Black Flag (still think this is the best one in the series in the aspect of gameplay), and Batman: Arkham Knight, which made a great inerasable impact on my taste in video games. Then I tried different genres, and discovered that I am not good at fighting games at all and first person games would give me motion sickness. To think my first Capcom game is Dragon's Dogma, and I didn't realize it back then, so funny.

I had two years experience in video games (I was like: hey I kinda feel like I have some talent in video games) before I started to play DMC. It was so cool and Dante is so cute (he's a power bottom) in the first two missions. And then it came to the first boss fight it was HARD!!! God (or I'd say Kamiya) it was so hard!!! I kept dying and the game suggested me to play in the easy mode, so I did. Easy mode is still hard for me back then to be honest, but I manage to keep playing. Then I met the Nelo Angelo. I still think the human-sized boss is the most frightening boss these days, thank you Vergil. The first two Nelo fights weren't so hard, but the third one, it broke me. Bro was so powerful he was harder to beat than Mundus. This was my first impression of Vergil: powerfukl, threatening, hard to beat, and pain in my ass (when I played as Dante). I went to the internet and learned how to cheese him. But it still made me sweat.

After finishing the first DMC, I wen to the DMC2, and I got it, it wasn't good. But I have to say, the story of DMC2 probably is the only one in this series that can pass the Bechdel test. Lucia is sweet girl who struggles with her identity, and with the help of Matier and Dante, she grew. And in the gameplay, Lucia even got her own missions and bosses, (which is a good example but the later DMC games didn't follow). It was a good thing for me that this game is not well-done, maybe the devs didn't have time to objectifying Lucia for fan service. I value the story in games, it is an important part; and DMC2 just made me realize that most of the game reviews of cismen mean nothing to me, especially for those Japanese games: they adore the objectification of female characters in games, and proud of it, which disgusts me. I really appreaciatae DMC2 for this.

Anyway, I went to DMC3, it was a good game in many aspects. After beating DMC, I got confident (why), so I decided to play 3 in normal difficulty. In the cutscens, Vergil was like a stereotypical anime character that is cool but evil and made to contrast Dante (you know the blue one vs red one like Satsuki vs Ryuko). Playing some missions, I found myself overestimated my ability-- I struggled with bosses, even Cerberus the first boss. It took me days to beat one boss. I am a stubborn ass who refuses to use vital star during my play, I always think "If other gamers did it. I should be able to do it too!" I was patient and resilient, until Vergil2. Bro broke me again, the best I had done back then was damaging half of his health. Then he DT and healed up, ahhhhh. And he always mocked me when I died: "You are not worthy as my opponent." Dude, I know so stop being an asshole!!! I was so frustrated so I put DMC3 aside and played other games.

Two years late, which was 2021, I decided to play DMC4. I beat the game in normal so I guess DMC is more friendly for those casual gamerrs since this. Dante's outfit in DMC4 is my favorite. But this probably is the only thing I wouldn't criticize in this game. The first impression I still remember about this game was the fucking OBJECTIFICATION of our Trish and Lady!!! (Damn you Capcom) And then Kyrie, whom I don't dislike, but I hate that she exists purely for Nero in the story, she deserves better. Kyrie is Nero's Damsel in Distress, his Sexy Lamp and his Yamato Nadeshiko. And Kyrie is also portrayed as the Madonna in the contrast of the Whore (Gloria). So I never ship Kyrie/Nero. Because of this huge amount of misogyny in the game, I didn't replay as Vergil or Lady/Trish after my first clear.

Another two years passed, I decided to play DMC5, in 2023. The game is evern more friendly for casual gamers, so I beat the normal difficulty without problem. But the problems in portraying female characters are still there. Lady and Trish in DMC5 were... well objectified again and served as fan service (I literally had to use a mod to give them clothes!!!!), they didn't do anything to move the whole story (me to Capcom: Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one is for you). Nico, our new female character, is bold, cute, mouthy, and I like her, yet she still didn't contribute much to the story. Why marginalize them, Capcom?

Ok ok, enough of ranting about Capcom's constant misogyny (well I guess old habits die hard for Japanses). Finally lets talk about Vergil. Since DMC5 is easy to beat and fun to play, so I replayed it as Vergil. And omg I fell for him his body instantly. (I know, I know I have issues.) His combat style is so elegant, powerful and efficient. He is so fucking cool!!! The first I played as him I went askldhjgioweshtg[qweghoqgjhiqwo. I easily beat the SOS difficulty with him he so strong...

But cool isn't enough for me to fall for a character, Dante's always a cool character but I don't like like him. In DMC5, Vergil is still an asshole, but under the gradual influence of his son, he learned to embrace his humanity, his weakness and his trauma. He learned to accept others and care for people,at least in his own subtle way. The learning process of his is in the Visons of V, and the result is in the game cutscenes. In other words, after I spent time to learn him, I fell for him. Plus his love in poetry somehow makes him adorable.

Then I went back to play DMC3 with a completely different feeling. That young Vergil just didn't cope his trauma well, blaming himself not have enough power. He embraced his demon side and looked down upon humanity (and the powerless self), yet got tricked by it. Poor boy, you were evil but I forgive you.

BTW... I found it's funny that Nero may be the only character in DMC series who didn't commit patricide, mentally or physically. In DMC, Trish rebeled against Mundus and helped Dante finish him. In DMC2, Lucia ended Arius with her own hands. DMC3, Dante said "Father? I don't have a father." (probably some teen anger but still.) And Lady ended Arkham's life. DMC5, Nico accepted the death of her biological deadbeat dad... Lucky you Vergil, your son didn't kill you or disown you.

By far, I finished DMC in normal, DMC2 in normal, DMC3 in hard, DMC4 in SOS, DMC5 in SOS, I'm proud.

[limalosershq]

NAME: Suzy Pepper FACECLAIM: Sophie Turner AGE/BIRTHDAY: 20, October 31 GLEE CLUB: The Troubletones. SONG CHOICE: I Can Do It WIth a Broken Heart by Taylor Swift MAJOR/MINOR/GRADE: Photography, Art. Junior. LOCATION: off campus in a two bedroom house with cleo, her roommate. OCCUPATION: Suzy has been working at Love Meow Cafe since she could hold a job. She doesn’t really need to work there because her more or less full time job as a freelance photographer keeps the bills paid, but she doesn’t want to abandon the cats. CLUBS/EXTRACURRICULARS/SPORTS: Art Club, Book Club, Ceramics, Digital Media Club, Environment Club, Future Writers of America, Gay-Straight Alliance, Mathletes, Muckraker, Orchestra, Painting, Photography. Swim (Co-Captain), synchronized swim (Co-Captain).

LIST ABOUT 3+ HEADCANONS ABOUT YOUR CHOSEN CHARACTER!

Suzy Pepper didn’t choose her last name, but she’s embraced it fully. She loves gardening, especially vegetables and of course, peppers. (Does she have a secret garden made up of plants like Oleander, Hemlock, Belladonna, and other questionable flowers? Maybe. No one who’s actually seen it has been able to say.) She’s always seen in dirt stained (sometimes paint stained) overalls though and her signature black and red pepper spotted bandana.

Thanks to consuming the world’s hottest pepper after a certain teacher rejected her advances, Suzy spent two years in intensive psychotherapy and had to have an esophageal transplant. She was left with a raspy voice and an aversion to anything remotely spicy, food wise. She still very much loves peppers, what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, right? Unfortunately, while she realizes why she tends to fall for unattainable people, therapy has not stopped her from doing so. Or put a stop to her obsessive ways.

Suzy has more or less one real friend, Dottie Kazatori. Is she sure it’s because the other is possibly writing a psychology paper on her? Probably. But she’s loyal to a fault. She doesn’t count her roommate Cleo as a friend, simply because she sees them more as partners. She provides the intel and photographic proof for Cleo’s gossip blog, both keep the blog running which is basically life saving for her roommate. So if you were to ask Suzy, those are the only benefits happening under their roof. (They’re not.)

The only time you’ll see Suzy dirt, ink, and paint free is when she’s playing in the school orchestra. She plays the cello, has since she was a child. It’s her favorite to play besides the harp and flute. She also knows how to play most of the other wind instruments, including the bassoon and saxophone. 

Fun Fact: Has Suzy been seen carrying around a human skull on occasion since her “accident”? Yes. Is it named William? Maybe. Is it fake? No one knows and at this point, everyone is still afraid to ask. 

Also if you don’t recognize Suzy, you should at least know of her father who is a prominent judge in Ohio. It’s one of the main reasons why she is currently in jail or locked up somewhere with padded walls. (For the most part… However, there was an incident that had them admitting Suzy into… a caring facility for… to delicately put, rethink some of her life choices or rather, lifestyle. Not to mention, her family is old money. Which means, Suzy has to consistently play dress up and show off her musical skills at parties/events, something she doesn’t mind, but she could deal better without the stares and gossiping.

IS THIS WHERE YOU PICTURED YOURSELF RIGHT NOW IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS?

Yes, I’m mostly content. I did picture myself living with more cats, but because of my job I don’t need to. Two is enough, especially when they’re larger than even Brittany’s severely obese beasts. I wouldn’t ever say that about any other felines, but at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if Lord Tubbington might actually be a man in a catsuit. 

HOW’RE YOU FEELING ABOUT ALL THE SHOW CHOIR RIVALRY?

I’m thriving on it. It gives me amazing intel for Cleo, which is never a bad thing. Does it also give me satisfaction seeing William’s face everytime we perform and see he’s made a mistake? Absolutely. I just can’t wait for the fun to begin. I think it’ll be an interesting year. 

WOULD YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A LIMA LOSER? WHERE EXACTLY IS YOUR LIFE HEADED, OR REALLY, WHERE SHOULD IT BE HEADING?

No. I don’t think anyone would, they’d rather call me the town crazy. They’d probably be too afraid that I would hex them, but despite popular belief, I’m only just getting into being a witch. I’m way behind in that and my five year plan of getting my love, Jacob Ben Israel to fall for me and marry me, but nonetheless, I will overcome this little hiccup.  Just wait, where my life is headed will soon have the blissful sound of wedding bells.

[roguestarsailor]

so i was planning the NYC trip with my friends tonight and...i am actually quite excited to go now! i forgot what a real true city is like and it screams opportunity and fun everywhere! i think maybe that's where i need to be?

i was thinking i'd move over there in 2026 but i realize i'll be 30 and i dont know how to exist in a space with such young energy. how will i make friends? how do i find people my age? who would i even be by 30? i dont think i'll be too different when im that age but it does overwhelm me. its more new experiences and i dont know how many of those i can take solo. will i have a boyfriend by then? will i be close to marriage age? or will i just stay single and continue to do so? my career? i was looking up on linkedin of potentially roles i can apply to and i hate all of them! i dont even know what to do to get those higher paying roles. i dont have anyone to talk to. it was so much easier as a student because everyone was just higher level than me and i had role models to base my career off; now im on my own and i dont know where to even go to ask??

NYC, mixed with my anxieties of not finding a roommate and this city not being the city i had hope it to be, and not feeling like i fit in here is making me fantasize and wonder again. this place also does an AMAZING job making sure you can't live here unless you make at least $1 million dollar salary. NYC is also expensive yet somehow still livable? still full of those who hustle and bustle??

i do feel my age tho. i am ready for stability; i want to just...settle down and find a home and spend time in it. maybe its this roommate/living situation limbo that im in, but its exhausting. begging someone to come live with me? spamming the digital spaces to hope that that ONE person is willing to live temporarily with me? even if i got a roommate, its constantly reacting to the whims of other people who have such different goals? i cannot do this anymore... and also just the fact that i don't make enough to get my own place for a decent price! heartbreaking and it's just constantly thinking about money and what is worth the price. my time is also precious and im stretching it every single day.

maybe i should have tried to find a husband. i am dumb for wanting an independent life. its soo hard and im soooo tired. i'm tired to my bones. dual income would be soo fucken nice.

anyways, maybe it's just my anxieties these days. i even made the calculations for the anticipated costs and im so broke. i cannot afford a home at this rate. i literally need a new job and one that will pay even higher for me to be back on track again and on top of that finding a place to live that ensures my living expenses are low enough to achieve my long term goals. maybe a child is truly out of reach and i just have to be satisfied being on my own? just helping myself survive in cities and afford more high end apartments and have nice furniture? i think thats the goal now.