#and i mean even if irrational
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Does crying over fictional characters count as grieving? Even if they're not real, we've gotten attached to them, ofter enough to want to refer to them like we would a friend. If a character we love in such a way dies or goes through something horrible, and we cry over them and when we are asked if anything is wrong and we respond that no, you're just too emotional over a fictional character, is that a lie? Many have said that the fate of a favourite character is often decisive in overall mood, even outside of fandom spaces. Have we simply been grieving for someone who never existed this whole time?
#when does grief stop being grief?#and i mean even if irrational#what i'm trying to say is are we grieving like it's the loss of a loved one or are we just making a big noise out of something trivial#when someone is fawning over their blorbo and they say 'he is real to me' is that their subconscious speaking?#is the subconscious part of our brain unable to distinguish real people on the internet vs fictional characters?#(yes this is about submas. but also i just saw a post about doctor who where people cried over a character.#one of them implied it had been a long while since they'd seen the show and they were still bitter over that character's ending.#and it got me thinking.)#fandom#idk man im just thinking deep thoughts over fictional ppl#idk what im asking is. even if they're not real and their fate wont affect the real world. does that matter?#if it affects real people's psyches and thoughts and actions and moods. if it changes us over time like a friend we might have had really.#doesn't that mean that the grief is real? don't we learn from them? start mirroring them in small habits like we do real people?#does it matter that the blorbos from my shows aren't real?#personal#?#if anyone sees this i'd like to hear your thoughts on this#blorbo from my shows
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📸
#meryl stryfe#milly thompson#trigun#trigun stampede#merylmilly#jayadoodles#people have been nice about how i draw milly ;_; i want to do a standalone post of all my hcs for her...#irrational nerves abt it were basically the only thing keeping me from drawing her more this past year#even though no ones been mean to me about melanin or fat hcs since like... the p5 days lmfao. 2024 milly year manifesting
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if there is a heaven there's a special place in it for people who say "sorry what were you saying before?" when you get interrupted in a group conversation
#text#i HATE getting interrupted and I often find myself having to rein in anger about it when it happens#because I recognize it's irrational and a social faux pas to derail convos to get upset about it#because rarely do they mean anything by it it's just a thing that happens#so anyone who gently steers things back to me even if I just feel like saying ''oh no it's okay'' in the moment is a godsend
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some of the less nice thoughts about being aroace
extras below the cut
sketch
closeups on my favorite panels
bonus: adios
#doodles#kingdom hearts#roxas#axel#olette#aromantic#asexual#aroace#do i tag pence. hes in the background of one panel#ehhhh sorry pence no tag for you#also not tagging soriku and namixi#i mean by the logic of 'theyre in one panel so i wont tag them' i also shouldnt tag axel but. he has dialogue so#anyways i have a very irrational love of olette whenever i need a random side character in a kh comic? olette#i think she uses webmd. anyways im done talking about olette#so let me clarify about this comic#im aroace. this is all just things ive thought before#im not saying in any way these thoughts are real. theyre just thoughts#thats why it ends with 'but there isnt. its just me.' there IS nothing wrong with being aroace. even if it feels like it sometimes#im not trying to send a message im just trying to express a feeling ive had for a while#anyways. the aroace community is super positive and i like that. but not everything i feel about it is that positive#sometimes it feels like im missing something yknow#this comic seems like its about roxas. but its about me. congrats youve been fooled#drafted something similar to this for aro week but didnt finish it in time so this is spiritually part of asaw 2024#btw sorry im not posting as many drawings lately#schools kinda stressful im pretty tired and busy most the time#i am throwing this drawing to you like a slab of meat to a pack of hungry dogs. take this meager ration in these trying times#alright i think thats it bye now
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no one talks enough about how funny it is for Booker to suddenly change clothes (gear) in the midst of battle
#ok i guess its fine for him to i mean elizabeth changed clothes and it was the peak of her character arc#even i can change clothes too elizabeth#bioshock#bioshock infinite#booker dewitt#elizabeth comstock#elizabeth bioshock#2k games#irrational games#fanart#kobart
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Musical Touken Ranbu: Michinooku ~ Hitotsu Hachisu (Michinooku ~ A Single Lotus)
Here we go! Only a few days after the archive release and toumyu's ninth anniversary (congratulations!)
Michioku, or Michihasu, is a myu I have many conflicting feelings about, both positive and negative. However, I do believe that with the right amount of care in the next Mika-related story myu, the negative can still be cleared. Plus, I'm glad about a lot of things being re-established. The writer does need to step up her game a little on the plot-writing side of things, as well as the understanding-and-respecting-past-myu side of things, but as long as she does, this can still be given a proper place within what was already established.
Keep in mind that these are only the subtitle files, timed and tled to the DMM senshuuraku and the bluray respectively. The archive version will have a talk at the start, so the starting times of the subs will have to be delayed accordingly.
You can find the subtitles and my TL notes document here!
#touken ranbu#toumyu#water's translations#michioku#michihasu#how do I put this#seeing as myu's director Kayano has said in an interview right before Michioku that Kogi and Mika have a special bond#different from other swords-- and then they try to speedrun *Tsuru* and Mika having a what feels like it was intended to be#even greater relationship using a song called Kage Futatsu where KOGI'S signature song from Utaawase was Futatsu no Kage???#I SINCERELY want to believe it's incompetence rather than the writer deliberately pulling the rug from under Kogi's feet#bc the alternative is just cruel#I don't particularly mind the relationship Mika and Tsuru have in this play but I feel that not for a moment Kogi and kara respectively#were considered in the writing#anyway my final verdict is that this myu is what too many people think tsuwa is: the divorce myu (between Mika and Tsuru this time)#in all cases I hope myu can bring Shirakawa Yuki in again like with Datemyu just to offload myu's already deathly busy writer (she's done#5 myus in a month before which is just insane) because I feel this just isn't sustainable with the amount of carefulness a long-running#franchise like myu demands and the *writing* quality (not the production quality AT ALL Michioku's is great) is suffering for it.#like sure Michioku is loaded with references but they're references that either don't serve *Michioku's own* plot or their treatment shows#a lack of understanding of the work it's referencing-- for example Kashuu calling upon atsu's “This is how the shinsengumi fights!” actuall#goes completely contrary to the lesson he's supposed to have learned from atsuibun: that swords aren't disposable and that he has duties as#both soldier (captain in atsu) and as COMRADE and he makes the (already highlighted in Michioku!) dumb decision of butting in without#thinking-- and with that framed against manba's breaking trauma as well! He's supposed to have learned to stay rational and consider both#duties yet here he is ---BECAUSE of the reference--- completely leaning on the pre-atsu-development side of the scale#as if Ishi's words went one ear in one ear out. And yes the scene by itself could've worked as a subversion to show Kashuu makes the#'irrational' decision against what Ishi taught him to consider precisely because he cares for the people he's protecting but there is NO#groundwork laid at all for that in the rest of Michioku! This is what I mean with the carelessness of the references and the lack of#consideration for what prior myus were trying to SAY and ACHIEVE which is insane because she was the lyricist for those#it's more a collage of feelings provided through a set of characters calling back to the scripts of prior myu rather than#a story that evokes feelings bc the humans in it walk forward and act upon-- interact with-- the scenery on the road as left by prior human
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86 dollars and I dont get kieran or carmine😎😎😎
#kieran pokemon#i was actually crying for a good min lmao#the fact that my seconds to last pull was a slugma did not help#istg if i put in the card codes and i get the kieran card but digital im going to blow a gasket#pokemon indigo disk#pokemon tgc#i got okidogi and thats preventing me from doing something irrational#i like okidogi#EXCUSE ME TGC GODS!! YOU SENT ME BAD LUCK!! 86 DOLLARS!!! AND THEN THE FIRST STORE I WENT TO DIDNT EVEN HAVE THEM AND I HAD TO STAY THERE F#R ANOTHER HOUR YOU WANNA SLUGMA ME?!?! THIS MEANS WAR TGC GODS THIS MEANS WAAAARRRRR ERRNNNNNNNNERNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAGEUSHDJKFIUHWESJSXHJXRRRR#pokemon trainer card#trainer kieran#pokemon kieran#kieran#kieran sv#rival kieran#champion kieran
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does working full time making anyone else irrationally bitter and resentful or is that just a me issue
#and i do mean irrational like to the highest degree#i can’t control it i don’t Want to be this way but my brain just Does It#i am so unhappy with the fact that i have to spend 40 hours every week doing something i hate that gives me extreme anxiety#and that manifests in me viewing anyone who doesn’t have to do that as an object of intense envy#even though i like. know logically that everyone has shit they don’t wanna do
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If I have to hear Teshin say that one “The Lotus seduced the Tenno” line one more damn time, I’m going to lose it
#I have what is probably an irrational dislike of this man and I fully acknowledge that#Genuinely don’t know why anyone would’ve wanted to replace Lotus with HIM#He’s just kind of terrible…all the time#And it’s not even like he’s worried about the Tenno#He’s just mad she got to them first#Like what do people mean he’s ’Uncle Teshin’#Anyways…this is my shitpost for the day lol#warframe#warframe spoilers
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i can't stop thinking about the first episode of season 6, when sam tries to convince dean to come with him, to come back to hunting. he says "it's just better with you around, that's all." it's an interesting line because sam is soulless, obviously. and even though he doesn't understand the details yet, he knows something's wrong with him.
"it's better with you around" he says, citing dean's compassion and care for others as the reason why. and how interesting is that? sam's working with plenty of other hunters who still have their souls—they're all more than capable of caring about the people they save. but sam needs dean specifically. he knows he's missing something, and he sees dean and recognizes that something in him. even cold and calculating and unrelentingly logical, sam recognizes that dean, alone, can "complete" him, give something back to him that he's supposed to have.
in episode 8 he tells dean he "needs his help." he doesn't elaborate; he never explains what he means by that. he has a whole family of hunters who'd be willing and able to help him, but still he needs dean. even without his soul, his hyperrational mind knows he needs him.
soulless sam isn't capable of caring about dean. but he doesn't need to care to know they need to be together, no matter what—to know dean is good for him, dean completes him, dean needs to be there for him.
it's like a sick reversal of season 1. sam drags dean back into this life because he can't keep going without him. because he needs him. because when you think about it logically, and sam has no other choice, there was never any other option for them.
#supernatural#wincest#i mean i'm absolutely looking at this through wincest-colored lenses but this isn't even a romantic observation#and i think that makes it so much worse#every time soulless sam gives an indication that he needs dean in his life even when he's incapable of caring about him. that's so fucked u#like what the fuck do you mean sam's dependence on dean isn't even irrational. that it's so normal to him that it's completely logical#to need him. that sam needs dean the way humans need air to breathe: an unalterable fact of nature and reality#'there are also things about it i remember that i... let's just say i think i should probably go back to being him'#What The Fuck Do You Mean By That Sammy#having a soul hurts but he should 'probably' go back to having one#he says in a conversation about how he knows he should care about dean but doesn't#like there's something inside him screaming for dean. and it's trapped and trying to claw its way out#he needs to care about dean no matter what the cost is. he needs to love him again#it's unnatural and wrong for him to exist without loving his brother. is that what you're saying. is that it#i just can't stop thinking about soulless sam. sorry. what's wrong with him seriously#besides not having a soul#.txt#sam#the winchester gospel#spn posting#6.01#6.08#spn6
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read something the other day that might be useful to other people w anxiety.
saying 'i'm okay' when you're feeling anxious signals to your brain that it's wrong to feel how you feel. it's dismissive and won't help you in the long run.
instead, say 'i'm safe'. it's far more comforting. you're not denying or trying to suppress your anxiety. you're making space for it while simultaneously acknowledging that you are going to get through the bad feelings. you might be anxious but nothing is going to harm you. you're safe !
#it's a bit stupid at first. like it sounds so dumb to say it out loud to yourself#and obvs it might not work for everyone#but it's actually mad how these small changes to the way i speak to myself help#just the smallest mindset shift#because let's be honest when you're anxious you're NOT feeling okay. and even though most of the time it's irrational/unjustified#saying 'im okay' or 'im going to be okay' is just a bit mean to yourself#like duh we know that but we're still going to be anxious#saying im safe feels a little bit like im casting a protective spell on myself. doesn't mean the things wont be scary but im more convinced#that i will in fact get out of them ok#anyways my anxiety has been a bit weird lately#tbd
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Hesh n Elias father son relationship coded
#nobody else gon say it so i am#what if Hesh had a small nagging part of him that hated how his dad chooses Logan over him#he knows deep down that it's irrational and hes just jealous‚ but he couldn't help but feel outcasted with how Elias treats him#Elias treats Hesh like a subordinate rather than a son and he doesnt even realize it because he favors Logan#and there's a part of Hesh that hates his father‚ but he never means it#what if i go drive off a cliff#book/source: the fallout‚ sequel to the compound by bodeen#cod ghosts#call of duty ghosts#call of duty#david hesh walker#logan walker#cod hesh#cod#elias t walker#elias walker call of duty#book quotations
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guys the light deity is literally called light WEAVER ...... it makes sense to have pupa/grub dragons. they are weaving
#pinescreeches#flight rising#the fr drama has been crazy of late. honestly very interesting to watch#my 2 cents if anyone cares. i love the everlux#so grubby and fat and ugly#we need more ugly dragons ... which maybe is hypocritical since i didn't like dusthides. but they weren't really trying to be ugly. i think#this isnt' about them though#the sundial / seam ripper horn??? the grub/pupa/caterpillar themes???#they remind me of weaver ants ....#anyways people complaining about artwork problems as if every fr artwork doesn't have ten billion issues with it#ESP THE OLD BREEDS ... LIKE#it's ok it's the fr artstyle to be a bit bad i accept it and welcome it#and it's ok to just not like a dragon breed ... i'm insanely picky with mine#for instance i love the concept n stuff of tundras but i hate the actual art for it ... idk why#and i've never really been a fan of snappers. maybe cuz their art is so old (same w tundras)#also for bug phobic people ..... ok i get it. phobias are uncontrollable and irrational#some things are just gonna set it off even though it doesn't make any sense#and fear usually makes people aggressive to what scares them#but there is no need to be so violent towards everlux ....#like if someone had a dog phobia it would not be ok for them to be like “i hate how canid they look i hope they get wiped out and die” or#detailing gruesome imagery#so why is it ok when it's a bug ....#i mean i know why but i'm asking rhetorically here#man idk sometimes u are just not gonna like things and thats ok not everything is for you... like i don't like dusthides that much but that#okay. it's okaayyyy#writing a ten page paragraph over here in my tags#i just have a lot of thoughts
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jesus christ deviantart is an absolute cesspit of low effort AI cash grabbing now. made the mistake of going there to see if I could find a pose ref. I did not.
really glad I left when I did.
#look people who use AI for their homebrew campaigns or groupchat bullshit I at least understand#I still don't enjoy it but I get why#but why would you set up an entire gallery just for images a procedural generator spat out for you? genuinely what is the point?#why are you even trying to be an artist if you don't want to make art???#why are people CHARGING MONEY for this shit????#like I hope to god nobody's paying them considering literally anyone could punch in prompts and get a similar enough result#at least by the standards of people who are content with whatever AI spits out in the first place#don't try to reason with me about this I do not mean to be reasonable I mean to pettily bitch about it#there are very few things in this world toward which I hold a seething irrational hatred but AI art is one of them#I don't have a moral high ground or anything I just really hate it on a personal level
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rachel’s first attempt using a cane in public WISH ME LUCKKKK
#I am so afraid :) which is irrational :) but yeah :) anyway!!!!#I am genuinely afraid I’ll fall bc my Spine has not been cooperating so lol I think that means mobility aid is in order#I’ve been using it a bit around the house here and there!#if me last yr knew it would get this bad she would cry!!!! LOL but proud of me for still continuing on even past#the point where I thought I could!!!#now if medical professionals could actually HELP b4 I can’t walk at all!!!!!! thx!!!!!!
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i'm only at the beginning of li tongguang's descent into obsession (eps 17-18), but already it's both hurting and hitting. hurting, because we know li tongguang's capabilities, and his level headedness, and the potential he has, that he seems to throw out due to this obsession. hitting, because when you think about it, the obsession storyline and characterization does make perfect sense. obsession like that is a double edged blade, which can turn from love to hate, childish belief and joy to embittered rage in a second.
on one hand, it's painful to watch ltg's childlike desperation when faced with ruyi again. we want to grit our teeth and think of him as idiotic, unable to take a hint. but the reality is that it's a completely normal response to be expected from him. i mean, it's a dream come true, to see the person you 'love' the most in the world to be whole in front of you. it's probably what he could only dream about, especially being the one to apparently find her bones and bury them.
on a deeper level, ltg's initial reaction is very much a manifestation of his inner child, almost peter pan-like in the 'child that never became an adult/grew up' way. by that i mean to say the desperate urge to please, the constant worrying, and the oscillation between hot and cold moods are all so indicative of someone who grew up in an insecure/unstable environment, usually with volatile or simply unavailable authority figures. from what we can gather, he had no father, his mother wasn't in his life ("she doesn't want him around, nor can she bear for him to be away, so that's why he's like that" per empress zhaojie's words to ruyi). the one authority figure that entered his life to offer some semblance of guidance was ruyi, and even though it's clear that she held care for him, she was also a twenty year old assassin used to training subordinates, not children. her mentorship style is clearly so different when you hold ltg and yang ying side by side, and we know from ruyi's own mouth that she doesn't consider herself to have taught ltg well, and wants to remedy that through/with yang ying (i'll probably make a whole different post comparing this and the affects of this after watching some more episodes lol - there are bullet points in the drafts). so even though ruyi was his authority figure, she was still an emotionally unavailable one who couldn't meet ltg on the level he probably needed at that time in his life, and which no one probably ever did. hence his up and down reaction and actions.
it intrigues me, too, because i think, in a very subtle way, ltg is very much a character foil to ruyi in that he reflects some of her worst attributes, or more accurately represents the sort of person she was, or at least acted like (yuan lu's comment about how ltg has ruyi's gaze was meaningful outside of the jealousy arc - to me at least). i saw someone make a really interesting comment on how ltg's devotion to ruyi parallels ruyi's own devotion to empress zhaojie, which i'll also probably comment on more later.
obviously, ltg's obsession stems from an issue much larger than ruyi herself - she just happens to be the unfortunate target of it. and, clearly, i know his descent into it will be ugly, if understandable. i understand ruyi wanting to leave that part of her life behind, but also - to think that maybe many of the issues faced in future eps could have been avoidable if she'd been upfront with li tongguang about her identity early on.
#star stumbles#a journey to love#一念关山#cdrama#my thoughts#li tongguang#eps 17-18#sorry if i jumped from one point to another this is just a stream of consciousness#and by that last sentence what i mean is that if ruyi had acknowledged him#and then told him something like 'i'm on a mission right now so don't do this or that' etc#even without explaining her situation. i think he would have been much more toned down#of course there is a chance it would have fed his delusions but really anything she did would do that#but not acknowledging him is worse in so many regards#especially when he has a whole thing (elephant in the room sized issue) about abandonment and acknowledgement#his future irrational behaviors are a child demanding to be seen/heard#which is like. embarassing! because we know his potential we saw it but now he's just reduced to this#but i think it's true to the sort of character and story he has. which is the sad part.#ok...i had one more thought but i've forgotten it twice now so uhhh#onto ep 19 in a bit. i will be cringing through it#yeah but i just can't get over his personal reaction right after leaving in ep 17#because that is EXACTLY how children with emotionally abusive/manipulative parental figures act#the anxiety about pleasing them the dread you messed it up the desperate urge to fix it....#it's really sticking with me#honestly some have argued that ruyi was abusive and i don't combat that but it's out of pocket#for the time period/context lol. also not really the point if that makes sense
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