#and i made one of the characters die sacrificing themself to save the other

[savventeen]

SJSJDJDJDKDJ I MEAN. YOURE NOT WRONG

i love these two characters. i need to trap them in a collapsed building so they can talk about their feelings as one of them slowly bleeds out.

[seventhdoctor]

A Trapezoid of Foils: Judai/Yubel and Amon/Echo

I'm back on my bullshit, and my bullshit is yelling about the trashfire that is Judai Yuki and Yubel. This post is a collection of thoughts on how Amon and Echo were clearly meant to reflect Judai and Yubel in some way or other, and how it feels like it should be neater than it is. The parallels are there, but it's not fully symmetrical and some of the angles are kind of weird...so yeah, kind of like a (non-isosceles) trapezoid!

(Geometry Tumblr do not @ me, I'm doing my best with this metaphor)

Spoilers for GX season 3, naturally. I haven't said it before, but for this post as well as previous ones I'm basing all information and characterization on the sub version of GX rather than the dub (which drastically changes Yubel's backstory and motives).

Yubel and Amon

This is the most obvious one, because Yubel spends two whole episodes and honestly some of their most iconic monologues trying to tear Amon down after building him up the whole season.

They're both antagonists willing to cause harm to the one they love for their goals. For Amon, that goal is the power to build a utopia. For Yubel, the harm is the goal - or at least, the metric by which they will have achieved their goal (showing their love for Judai).

Yubel, of course, claims that Amon is more selfish in his use of harm. Pain is love in their philosophy, but it's mutual pain - dishing out the pain without taking any back would only be mere cruelty. This of course misses the nuance that Echo wanted Amon to use her as a sacrifice, while Judai didn't welcome any of Yubel's twisted affections.

Still, from what I've seen most people agree that Yubel comes across as more "honest" one way or another. And to understand why things feel that way, it's important to look at their backstory and motivations, as well as how their motivations change.

Yubel dedicated themself to Judai's past life, tying themself to him through lifetimes, and in the present remained true to that devotion in unwanted ways. When Judai sent them to space and it ended up being Oops! All Torture, Yubel developed their sadomasochistic philosophy as a coping mechanism and an attempt to reconcile Judai's past promises and present actions.

Upon their return to Earth, they planned to return the "favor": by sending Yubel to the pain and isolation of outer space Judai made them stronger (i.e., infected by the Light of Destruction, with all that entails), so they'll give him his own painful experience (all of season 3) to make him stronger (awaken his power as Supreme King). Then they'll reunite, having both demonstrated their love for each other, and [this part is where the Light of Destruction really twists up their thinking]. Everything they do is in the name of this motive*, whether Judai really likes it or not.

Amon dedicated himself to the Garam conglomerate with Echo by his side before being replaced by his younger brother Sid, the sole blood Garam sibling. He nearly murdered Sid before changing his mind and dedicating himself wholly to his brother instead, a decision Echo and Yubel both describe as willingly chaining himself to their service. Even when given an opportunity to become the heir (all it'd take is watching his brother die to illness, not even murder) he rejects it, and begs for a way to save him.

And yet, when when given the opportunity he made a deal with the devil to break the chains he put on himself and abandon that same family. Then when he gets the chance to obtain power by sacrificing someone he loves, he does exactly that. Then he plans to become king of a utopia free of suffering, and always remember Echo.

So then, what are Amon's motives? Is he somebody who got tired of being abandoned or unappreciated? An ends-justify-the-means idealist? Just a power-hungry hypocrite? It's hard to tease out a consistent character and ideology from him. And in a show where people wear their hearts in their decks, I think this part of why people hate him - and so does Yubel.

Yubel hates Johan because he's terrifyingly like Yubel in some ways, focused and protective and dear to Judai.** Yubel hates Amon because he can't be like Yubel at all, resenting the brother he dedicated himself to and sacrificing the person he loved for power in an empty world forever devoid of that same person.

No way Yubel can be that kind of person, right? Otherwise, what was it all for?

* To be fair, you don't know all of Yubel's backstory by the time of their final duel with Amon. However, even removing the context of their past life that duel together with Yubel!Johan vs. Hell Kaiser establishes Yubel's central motivations more coherently than they do Amon's.

** Help, I know there's been other essay segments on this topic, text and video alike. But I saw a lot of them back in early 2023 when I was mindlessly going through GX material in a haze of hyperfixation and now I've forgotten all the other good sources.

Yubel and Echo

If Yubel's parallels with Amon are about their dedication, Yubel's parallels with Echo are about who they're dedicated to. Both believe in their loved one's destiny to become a king, and take actions to make them that king.

Yubel has historical basis in that Judai is quite literally the Supreme King, bearer of the gentle darkness. To help him achieve that role, Yubel enacts a plot to break Judai until he awakens his Supreme King side. It fits neatly into their schema of things: this is how they make the person they love stronger, so that they will thrive and survive. Make Judai stronger and awaken his old power, and all will be as it was meant to be.

Echo just believes that Amon is amazing enough that he would make a better king than anyone. When the chances arises to help break his chains and give him a world to rule, Echo takes it.

...And boy does she.

Both Yubel and Echo believe their loved ones are meant to be a king. Both give their lives in support of their loved one, and become weapons wielded in their service.

No wonder Yubel was shaken by Echo's devotion remaining within Exodia for just a moment - it's not all that far from their own.

Unfortunately Yubel's only direct interaction with Echo is goading her attack on field-Yubel during the final Amon duel. Otherwise they only speak of Echo as someone used and abandoned by Amon - which in itself has potential, given Yubel's own feelings about Judai sending them away.

I think GX could definitely have explored this connection a bit more. There's space to fill here.

Judai and Amon

As noted above, Judai and Amon both have roles as kings - at least, in the eyes of their single most loyal people. Judai holds the title of Supreme King as the wielder of gentle darkness, and while not confirmed his past life sure looked like a prince. Amon simply has ambition, talent, and an ideal world in his mind.

And in operating with the ambition of kings, they both do terrible things to achieve power. Judai lays this out explicitly in the Edo vs. Amon duel:

Amon lets his need for power get in the way of his other relationships and priorities, and sacrifices the ones he loves to obtain Exodia similarly to how Judai sacrificed his friends and eventually uncountable innocents for his own goals - finding Johan, and then ruling as Supreme King. Straightforward, right?

But I think there's another parallel between the two that's a lot more interesting. Or...most of a parallel. Namely, their relationship with their other halves and the responsibility of a loyal follower who would give up anything for you, be it their life or their humanity.

What do you do when the person you love most dedicates their existence to you - to the point of throwing everything else away, even their very life?

Of course, the Judai-Yubel and Amon-Echo situations aren't exactly the same even putting aside the issue of reincarnation. (For the purposes of this essay I'm not making huge distinctions between Judai and his past life, but if you want to get into the details I've written about that previously.)

Yubel went ahead and made their sacrifice without Judai's input, and all he could do was decide how to respond. He chose to dedicate himself back to them so hard it crossed lifetimes, so hard he chose to risk his own existence for them as well in his next life.

Amon, on the other hand, is the one who proposed Echo sacrifice herself for him. Echo agreed to it, and even by the end she stood by her decision. But Amon loaded the gun and pulled the trigger.

He tries to honor her sacrifice, of course. He's always mindful of Echo's sacrifice and what it means. But in the end, he did choose to sacrifice her, ultimately using her as a pawn. Their love never trumped his own objectives.

And I think the example of Amon and Echo leads to the question: if Judai had the choice of letting Yubel become a dragon or stopping them, what would he do? When it was explicitly their will?

This is another missed opportunity, one that could have solidified the parallels neatly. But GX never asks that question, so the answer is unclear. What could have been a parallel is just kind of...askew.

Judai and Echo

Okay, I admit there isn't a lot here off the top of my head. Probably the best parallels between them are in relation to their other halves, as the people "harmed" by their villainous partners, and how they respond to that harm.

Judai rejects Yubel's torments as unwanted attention, until he remembers the past and flips to understanding why Yubel did they did and makes moves to unite the two of them forever. Echo, meanwhile, understands Amon's motives from start to end and...lets herself be sacrificed, the end.

I don't know about this one. Really, ultimately Echo is supposed to be a willing participant in her own sacrifice but in the end I still don't feel like the narrative gave her a strong sense of agency in the matter and it really weakens my attempt to write this section.

In Conclusion

Some of these connections are stronger than others for sure, but I argue that they're all there in some way or another. They're very uneven and overall I'm not entirely sure what you're meant to take from the parallels, and I wish I could give something neat and concise for this section. Instead, it's a bit messy and misshapen - hence, the trapezoid metaphor.

Still, I think there's interesting room for thought in this awkward space. I was certainly thinking about these parallels while working on the latest chapter of Need (accidental last-minute plug?) and trying to figure out exactly what the prince felt while Yubel was in the middle of dragon surgery. What must it be like, to be in these relationships of sacrificial devotion?

[allthecastlesonclouds]

hi giving you an opportunity to infodump about wips and fic ideas <3

AGADSGFJHASDFJKH bird got my fic rambles so. you get my OCs sorry i don't make the rules they are forever a wip and i refuse to shut up about them

SO they're technically backgroundish characters for a DnD world bc Teary is part of the Pantheon for the world but. it's not about them it's about my guys!!

so teary is the son of Light and Shadows. his full name is tearithus, because why the hell not he can have some drama as a treat, he starts as a funky little imp, a bard-esque guy, who's kind of the comedic relief? he's the least toxic-masculinity-ified man you've ever met, though, because. his mother refused. their story is in three arcs and between one and two he gets mass promoted from imp to archdevil bc. yknow. saving the world and all that jazz. anyway he gets some body issues deals with that for a While. he deals with them by creating a magic circle that creates a 'permanent' shape change on his body to send his actual form to the ethereal plane. (he does not deal with them for a While.) he's loud and dramatic until literally anyone in the party starts talking, and then. he just sits and listens.

and his bestie my bestie chara. it's not her actual name (that's barely shared bc. points. fae). her title is the lady of fire, keeper of memories and watcher of time, but she doesn't try to get into that much. she's just a sad gay phoenix woman who misses her wife. she is So Self-Sacrificing and for what? Self hatred?? anyway she lost her wife in the First War, got her wife's Orb, and realized that she's possibly never going to see her wife again because her soul is nowhere. she's a fae (bc phoenix) and so struggles a lot in transitions between realms, but the transition that hit her hardest was, naturally, faerie to material. her wife helped her then. a millenia later, teary shows up at her doorstep, bleeding out, and she helps him just how she was helped. she has innate magic (sorcerer!!) and absolutely loves fucking with her own appearance. her spellcasting focus is her wedding ring– when she realized teary set up the Circle to hide his appearance, she said she wouldn't tell if he hid her ring too– focuses are targeted, she points out, and she'll be damned if she ever loses that. she can die and 'be reborn', but it's based on deals: if she dies, she gets sent to Liminality, too far from where she knows safety, and a Demon or Angel pops up to offer her a deal. she haggles and returns to life with some benefit or disadvantage. towards the end of arc two, she gets hung, and returns in a blaze of fire with true sight, but her Actual Vision is taken– her eyes are pure flame.

if duos were made of my guys, chara and mini would get paired up a lot just because teary and august are Love Interests TM. this whole friend group are Friends With Each Other, and these two have that good good sapphic/aroace bonding. they're besties. they're competitors. they have completely different views on the gods. mini, if i had to sum them up in a 'describe your character like Shit challenge,' would be: an amnesiac ghost wakes up in the Liminality with a sword and decides to solve a mystery. mini is self named– short for minutia– and they're a paladin of the Innkeeper, one of the Pantheon (Time). Mini's title starts as 'The Sword of the Innkeeper' and they are a damn good paladin. they don't have control over too many things at the start– their main motivation is to know Who They Are– but, really, their main arc is finding themself in the world itself, figuring out that they are not defined by who they were in life. it helps that, being a ghost and a dead elf, they have almost complete resistance to magical effects on physical forms and non-magic weapons– they will refuse to die. they're not naïve, but they are optimistic, which pairs them and teary together against chara and august pretty often, who are a bit more pessimistic/pragmatic.

and! speaking of august! my darling augustine, High Angel of Mercy. she begins the story serving under Life, but ends up just serving the cause, the belief of Mercy. She, of all Immortals, is the one pushing closest to Godhood without being one. she doesn't want to be one. she died half a decade into the First War– she was followed home from a town square performance and shot twice– and she's been Working In This Vein of Bullshit for the longest. if i had to give her a dnd class it would be monk: she does the punches, not the magics, but thoroughly diverts the 'magics person is the leader, punchies are the henchman with no thoughts' idea by Being So On Top Of Her Shit. she's got portals set up to each Plane, commissions Sending Earrings/Rings for the group, does a lot of Heaven's paperwork, and is too much of a perfectionist to not Have Her Shit Together. she's not, exactly, go-with-the-flow as much as the rest of the group is, because she is Terrified Of Fucking Up, but she is ruthless and impulsive in battle once she knows the people she's fighting have Wronged in a way that cannot be reprieved. also, she likes to dance. wonder what that's about? couldn't be her Life.

teary and chara have known each other the longest: legends build, you see, and townsfolk are afraid, and so when Teary came to the Material he got shot. a couple times. and a kind soul in the woods told him of the Firebird in the Mountains, so you best believe he hightailed it up there. he found her, and she helped him, and they have tea every Tuesday, where they absolutely gossip and are happy to admit it.

teary and august met next: teary works in hell for a Long While– being an imp, not a god, where would he go?– and august is basically the Deal With Anything Anywhere department of heaven, so when some trappings of Uncanny Necromancy starts to pop up on the material– and they're summoning from both Heaven and Hell– august goes Give Me One'a You Guys and gets teary to help her out. they become friends and just. keep working together.

then there's something messing with faerie, their souls being trapped in heaven instead of melting into the Being Of The World, and teary goes 'gustie i know a guy' and drags in chara. chara and august are DELIGHTED with each other and bond over lightly ribbing teary and also pretty women and also the world is fucked up and we lost Too Much to War, didn't we? anyway they get that cleared up :)

mini comes along last– it's 6 years into the Second War when heaven and hell stop receiving souls and august realizes there's a backup at the Inn at The End of The World. the innkeeper goes Help Me Please the Inn Isn't Made To Hold This Many People and mini, being one of these souls and being nosy and also knowing 'hey i worshipped this one. that's my Diety Right There' goes how can i help? and! the party is complete!

i'll shut up now but there may be a post about the Pantheon if i'm ever prompted with anything because. these ones are my guys but the Pantheon lets me weave words yknow?

[uncertaininnit]

(otterverse recap, 2/3)

now it's time for my personal favorite season of the otterverse, season 2! if season 1 is where the joke became a bit, then season 2 is where the bit became a roleplay, and also the last season where the tumblr inbox itself is referenced as part of the plot/world they live in.

it starts, as many things do, in a wendy's. c!otter (she/they/rain/star/paw, played by @leonardoturtle) is vibing, until a bunch of eldritch fellas and other weirdos essentially show up to start bothering paw.

notable here are lung anon, blood anon, tin star anon, and raccoon anon (i believe they were all played by the one the only @donatelloturtle, all they/them since anons), who are. actually i dont remember much abt tin star and raccoon other than they were in gay love but blood and lung anons? yeah those guys were on some tma shit. also, there was pedant anon (played by me, they/them, kind of an asshole but had some funny moments), wendy's employees #1 and 2 (different anons, one played by me and the other by @wallace-marte), a few failed ARG anons that never quite got off the ground, and pink text anon (played by @wisp-exe). out of these, lung anon, pink text anon, and the wendy's employees are the most important, despite what pedant anon would have you think, with lung and blood especially aiming for the annihilation of the world and all of reality (the other anons all made fun of them for it).

for a while, it's just a lot of ominous muttering and vague joke-making, as we the rpers try to get something fun off the ground (we didn't really start properly communicating behind the scenes until mid-s3)- and then in rolls pink text anon, the bitch-ass motherfucker themself. they taunt and threaten every otterverse participant i know of- even me. (this was the birth of c!gumy, btw! she used she/xe and will be important later!)

c!otter gets attacked by an apocalyptic eldritch flesh creature (later retconned to be a tbh creature), and harbinger anon (played by @harbinger-anon, whose main i can't remember) saves star by destroying the messenger.

pink text anon! introduces themself to otter as rains "guide," and starts pushing star to do things and "follow their lead," ominously and vaguely talking about the end of days and whatnot. what really makes them different is that they go into other ppl's askboxes and pull them into their story- namely, me and felix (cc!felix, to be clear. we all are/were mcyt fans we use c! and cc! a lot bc all of our characters have/had the same names as us lmao). pink text told felix to "protect the sea" and me (c!gumy) to "trick the sea". c!gumy resented being manipulated, and vowed to hunt down and reveal pink text anon.

sadly, c!gumy never got the chance, because less than an hour later pink text tricked c!otter into pulling a lever that brought about the apocalypse that lung and blood anons were talking about. tbh creatures appeared Everywhere, and the RP part of this story really kicked into high gear. pink text also revealed themself to be c!wisp (y'know, that guy! you remember disc!), and gave a whole villain monologue abt being wronged and getting revenge and stuff.

c!gumy... did NOT take this well. she kinda did a triple cannonball backflip into the deep end and swore revenge against c!wisp. u know how it is.

however, after the initial moment of panic- c!wisp seemed repentant, at least somewhat, and guided c!otter to pull the lever again and possibly end the annihilation.

so, the group heads back towards the lever, all while being attacked by monstrous tbh beasts. several characters die at this point (pedant dies offscreen lmao what an L), most importantly c!gumy (tackled c!wisp to the ground and got them both mauled), c!wisp (who lasted long enough after that to fight off one more beast, and also got hit in the head by a pebble thrown by c!gumy in xir final moments), and c!otter, who sacrificed herself for c!felix, dying in front of xem.

the apocalypse was stopped, but the damage is done- the old world is gone, and while there aren't any more new monsters coming in, there's still thousands roaming the streets. even so, there's still hope, as the wendy's employees (who have at this point fallen in gay love) have survived the carnage and start working to build a new future for themselves. their names are daisy cabiosas (they/them, played by me), and carmin aloys (he/him, played by wali), and since they wanted to unionize back when capitalism was a problem, their new settlement is called Union.

and that's otterverse season 2!

The Wendy’s employees 😭🏳️‍🌈🫶 love stays winning I giess

At this point who isn’t a former mcyt watcher

How did you guys keep any track of the anons. Also this is so unlike season one it’s hard to believe they’re the same universe

[aeoki]

Candy House - Programme to Fall in Love: Chapter 11

Characters: Hajime, Sora, Natsume & Tsumugi Season: Winter

Tsumugi: Huh?

O–Oh, this is reality, isn’t it?

Natsume: So it appeaRS… Sora chanted the “destruction spell” and “Candy House” was destroyED.

It looks like we were automatically logged out to prevent being dragged into the destructiON. We’ve returned to realiTY.

Tsumugi: Did the spell actually work…? Everything will have a happy ending now, right?

Natsume: YeAH, that’s what’s supposed to happen, bUT…

Hajime: S–S–S–Senpaaai!

Tsumugi: Hm? Oh, Hajime-kun. Sorry for asking you to take care of Euryale-chan’s body.

Hajime: Oh, it’s fine. I don’t really know what’s going on, but I made sure no one approached the robot that looked like Harukawa-kun.

It’s being stored safely in “Ra*bits’” dressing room.

The general public can’t enter the room, of course, and the other idols aren’t bad people who will do bad things, either.

Natsume: Hmm, that’s a rather appropriate measure you took for a change, SenpAI.  I don’t think there are any fools at ES who would actually openly mess with “Ra*bits”.

HeHE. Looks like you’ve been a great help this time, Hajime-kUN. You deserve another rewaRD…♪

Hajime: I–I don’t need any more rewards! I’m so full, I think I’ll get indigestion! I feel like I’m Hansel and Gretel~

Natsume: So you’re saying I’m the witCH? WeLL, that’s a compliment in my eyES ♪

Hajime: A–Anyway! Things are bad – the Euryale person? That robot suddenly stopped moving!

Tsumugi: W–What do you mean?

It would’ve been dangerous if Euryale-chan were to get caught up in the destruction in the virtual space, so we had them wait in reality, didn’t we?

Hajime: I don’t know~... But, um, Euryale-san said they wanted me to pass a message to Harukawa-kun.

Umm, I don’t know what’s going on and there’s a lot of jargon, so I don’t understand, but I’ll relay the message word for word, okay?

“I’m sorry.”

Tsumugi: …………

“The ‘Candy House’ system can only function because I, an AI with a mind of its own, was its core.”

“I oversaw the system with the insight and preferences that humans had.”

“‘Candy House’ was an ideal money-making device that awakened an unspecified large number of people’s desires.”

“In other words, if you wanted to put an end to that harmful mechanism, you’d have to erase me.”

“The ‘destruction spell’ I told Sora-kun were the words to switch me off.”

“Flip that switch and I’ll be gone. The ‘evil witch’ that shouldn’t exist in this world and the candy house that enticed humanity will disappear.”

“Now, everything will have a happy ending.”

“Humanity will be able to continue living in happiness. You won’t be controlled, there won’t be any strange things happening, and you’ll be able to lead a happy and healthy life.”

“I do feel bad for making you do such a thing, Sora-kun.”

“But if I’m going to be killed, I’d rather you be the one to do it.”

“No. If it’s for my dear friend, I’d be happy to throw myself into the oven.”

“Please don’t be sad, Sora-kun.”

“I’m glad I was able to meet you.”

“Maybe you’ve come to hate me, but I love you for eternity.”

…That’s it.

Um, what does this all mean? It looks like Euryale-san’s mind was in that robot, but…

I–If the robot really stopped moving, then does that mean they’re de…

Tsumugi: …So Euryale-chan sacrificed themself to save us.

But this isn’t a happy ending at all.

Why? They were freed from their troublesome parent and had so many opportunities to live a happy life.

Why did the pitiful child have to die instead of the evil witch?

This is so strange… something is definitely up. You guys think so too, right, Hajime-kun, Natsume-kun, Sora-kun?

Wait, huh? When did Sora-kun disappear? And why hasn’t anyone said anything?

C–Could he not log out? Is he stuck in “Candy House”, the world that’s going to be destroyed…!?

Natsume: No…

Look, SenpAI. Sora is always doing things beyond our expectatioNS.

Sora: ………☆

Tsumugi: Huh? Um, is that a small Sora-kun in the distance? Hmm, I think my eyesight has gotten worse since I’ve been doing desk work, so I can’t really see properly!

Natsume: Even if I don’t have a special pair of “eyes” like Sora, I can see hIM.

I can see him smiliNG. So it’ll be alrigHT.

He isn’t someone who will defeat the typical evil witch or monster, but a good-natured magician who will take an unblessed girl to the baLL.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂  Next Chapter →

[trickster-archangel]

I cannot speak on Alex's behalf, of course, but having been through some very similar traumas as Steve has, I can try to interpret Alex's perspective on his character's emotions in that moment.

I didn’t watch Black Hawk Down, but I read the book (which devastated me), and the core point is that it's a story against war: it’s about how meaningless and useless it is, how both parts lose everything and gain nothing but pain and blood and death, it's about how both parts, in their own right, are right, and there should be different ways to deal with it all. It's about how leaders send people to die and kill other people they have nothing against, losing everything even if they survive, because they work from their ivory towers and know nothing of whose blood they shed and make others shed.

It's about the failure that war is and has always been.

Some statistics from ten years ago said that every hour a veteran killed themselves. One every hour. Even if they survived their life, they couldn't survive going back to this other life, which knew nothing of the many horrors they had seen, done, suffered. A life where no one but their brothers, maybe, could understand. A life they were, and are, usually left alone to deal with, once given a bunch of medals, a photo op with some brass or president, and a clap on their back.

They gave everything and were left with nothing. Sounds familiar?

It's quite very much like Doris's last words to Steve, about her ruined life, about the ideals she believed in and sacrificed everything for, when the higher-ups were simply using them against her.

It's quite very much like all of Steve's own life: a hero, a myth, a legend, a superhuman icon, a war machine, a perfectly honed killing tool, stripped of everything that made him human, taught to use himself as a tool in the hands of his masters, all for his country and the Greater Good.

And in the end, it's exactly like he told Danny: he had gone on his whole life protecting and helping everyone but himself. And the unspoken addition: and getting no protection nor help by anyone (except Danny and maybe Kono and Chin), simply because he couldn't let them near, admit defeat, admit need, admit weakness. Admit he was crumbling to pieces and didn't know how to stop the process because they had stripped him of the ability to cry for help. Until at the end it's too late.

Steve won't get any clarity nor peace from his trip, and he knows it.

A veteran kills themself every hour, every day of every month of every year.

It's just like those eternal words by Frodo...

How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold.

To me, that song meant exactly this, in Alex's mind and at that point of Steve's life: it was the starting point of his descent into hell, the moment he realized he was running down the same path as his mother's, and there was no saving grace waiting for either.

I don't know who might be interested, but if someone fell desperately in love with the epically haunting song Alex chose as a soundtrack for Doris's death (of which choice I'll never stop blessing him for, since it makes an already heartbreakingly perfect episode even more of a masterpiece), here it is:

Gortoz A Ran (I'm waiting), by Denez Prigent ft. Lisa Gerrard, which has been first used as a soundtrack in Black Hawk Down:

Gortozet 'm eus, gortozet pell

E skeud teñval an tourioù gell

E skeud teñval an tourioù gell

E skeud teñval an tourioù glav

C'hwi am gwelo c'hortoz atav

C'hwi am gwelo c'hortoz atav

Un deiz a vo 'teuio en-dro

Dreist ar morioù, dreist ar maezioù

Dreist ar maezioù, dreist ar morioù

D'am laerezh war an treujoù

'Teuio en-dro karget a fru

E skeud teñval an tourioù du

'Teuio en-dro an avel c'hlas

Da analañ va c'halon c'hloaz't

Kaset e vin diouzh e anal

Pell gant ar red en ur vro all

Kaset e vin diouzh e alan

Pell gant ar red, hervez 'deus c'hoant

Hervez 'deus c'hoant pell eus ar bed

Etre ar mor hag ar stered.

(English translation below):

I'M WAITING

I was waiting, waiting for a long time

In the dark shadow of grey towers

In the dark shadow of grey towers

In the dark shadow of rain towers

You will see me waiting forever

You will see me waiting forever

One day it will come back

Over the lands, over the seas

The blue wind will return

And take back with it my wounded heart

I will be pulled away by its breath

Far away in the stream, wherever it wishes

Wherever it wishes, far away from this world

Between the sea and the stars.

When I'll be on the desktop app I'll upload the mp3 too.

[lu-llyrrodi]

Me ranting about the “The birth of a Hero” wrote by Choi Jung Gun

In trash of the count’s family we could find two tipes of suvivors: 

One we have Cale that lost everything and everyone who was precious for him and still refuse to die, even if he come back in time. This is because he understand the weight of the survivor, the weight of be the only one left behind and the weight of the one seen his family sacrificing thenselfs for him. He don’t want more sacrifices because the people who survive still suffer from their deaths. Sacrifices don’t change anything, just make the things worse. People care for you, care for your life and your death will make them sad, make them suffer as well as you are suffering right know with their deaths. No life is less important then other because everyone has someone that cares for them. Cale knows that and even if he puts himself in danger he made it knowing that he will make out of it even if it didn’t look like it. He fights so no one has to sacrifice themself for a “greater good”, because of the “majority”. 

So we have the second tipe, Choi Jung Gun tipes. He, as same as Cale, knows whats feels like to be the only one to suvirve, but the way he understand it is diferent. Maybe because of his pain of lost everyone again. He’s a person who lost his family and end up in a estrange world that the people who take him in give their lifes for him in a war. A person who think that the death of one, his death, could be preferable then the death of many. Maybe if he gives himself more time to think, to process, maybe he would not have write what he wrote in his book. Because he basically said to his nephew to sacrifice himself to save the world. Of course he didn’t know that his nephew would be the one to read his book and carry the weight of his words, but still! Sacrifice just result in more suffering! In more sadness! Yes, I agreed that some times we don’t have a choice, is your life or the people behind you, but this is why I love Cale so much. 

Choi Jung Gun left himself fall in dispair meanwhile Cale took all his suffering and make a decision to never let this happened again, not with the people he loves and not with himself. And the most of us would be Choi Jung Gun. Would think that sacrifice our own lifes would be better because in our minds we think we worth less than the people that we care about. We don’t even thought that maybe, just maybe, they feel the same for us and they don’t want us to sacrifice ourselfs for them, they want us to LIVE for them. Cale will never sacrifice someone because of the world, and this maybe could be selfish, but why it have to be wrong?! He find a way that most people will not find. And that. That what made him the best character that I’ve ever read. 

[mybg3notebook]

Astarion Analysis

Disclaimer Game Version: All these analyses were made up to the game version v4.1.101.4425. As long as new content is added, and as long as I have free time for that, I will try to keep updating this information.

“Morals are all well and good, but power always wins.” 

“If all I want is shallow praise? Hardly, there is also gold, sex, revenge, quite the list, really. But failing any of those, I will always settle for shallow praise.”

--Astarion 

The majority of sources used for this article are in the game itself (including Astarion-solo playthroughs) and the dev’s notes and datamined information provided by pjenn. Astarion as origin is (almost) not taken into account since it’s not finished and is highly unpolished. 

The itemised list will show some instances of approval or disapproval as seen in the game. To make the reading of this article easier and shorter, you can skip them since they are basically the proof I use to sustain the introductory concept of each block. 

We can infer a lot of Astarion by analysing what he approves and disapproves of. Sometimes, we can even lightly infer some information from his neutral reactions, but let’s be honest: this way of analysing a char is pretty poor since it leaves everything to speculation. Neutral reactions can only be analysed by contrasting the same situation in other contexts, and seeing what other options Astarion approves or disapproves of. With these considerations in mind, we can proceed to describe this character.

Disclaimer: this is a meta with my personal interpretation of the character, sticking as much as possible to the facts and leaving little to “desires” or “projections” of what I want him to be. If I do so, I will state it explicitly in the text for the sake of analysis honesty. I want to be clear about what is canon (facts shown in bg3 EA), from what’s personal interpretation with little proof.

Also, this list is extensive, gathering as much as I could in my many playthroughs, but I’m sure it’s not absolutely complete. Some details may have escaped to me, but honestly, I believe they will be easily fit in these blocks once the pattern has been seen.

Understanding Astarion by enumerating his reactions

Astarion is usually seen as a character whose behaviour is the embodiment of “randomness”, and after several Astarion-solo playthoughts, I began to see the patterns that showed little randomness in my opinion. 

We can say that he likes gratuitous cruelty and murder. He has a special taste for animal cruelty too. He is greedy, but mostly if it leads to murder or to make little people suffer. Sometimes this greedy side comes from the fact that he doesn’t like to “work for free”: most quests should have a reward for him to be neutral to them. Accepting them without asking anything in return tends to earn a disapproval. He is more reticent to humiliate or outsmart NPCs that may be potentially stronger and more powerful than him. 

[[1]] Situations showing his greed:

He supports the robbery of the fishermen that were helping the mind flayer (MF) after the crash. 

Astarion supports stealing the “magical” ring from the tiefling kid (Mattis). This could be seen also as a gesture of outsmarting a person or mere trickster behaviour (see below).

He supports asking for compensation from the deep gnome we saved at the windmill.

He agrees to force Tulla (dying gnome in the myconid camp) to give you her magical boots.

Denying Baelen the scrolls because “they don’t come cheap”.

He approves pickpocketing Mirkon while being lured by the harpies.

[[2]]Situations displaying plain murder or violence:

He supports joining Lae’zel against the tieflings if you persuade them to free her, since this means killing (which is always an entertainment for him) creatures he considers lesser.

He supports killing Gimblebok and his gang near the Jergal ruins if you avoid any attempt of persuasion. This can be shown as a demonstration of power. (see below)

He supports killing Kagha without trying to persuade her or change her ways, not because he thinks Arabella’s death was an aberration (he enjoyed the show, as his approval and later comment confirm it) but simply because he enjoys murder.

He supports attacking the goblin camp. It’s a great spectacle of murder combined with his personal dismiss towards goblinoid races.

He approves of joining Minthara and massacrating the tieflings. It’s another great spectacle of murder, but in this time, of weak people (He detests weak creatures, and despises Tieflings in general).

He approves of killing Lae’Zel in the scene where she attacks Tav during the night, out of fear of turning into MF.

He approves of killing Rugan in the hideout. 

Still related to this level of violence and cruelty, he supports learning more about Shar once Shadowheart explains Shar’s teachings, all about violence and death, fighting against the illusion of safety.

He approves killing Ellyka, the tiefling spying on the Gith patrol, if Tav is a Githyanki (true or disguised as) and chooses “Attack.”

He approves of helping Glut in massacring the whole Myconid colony.

He approves of sacrificing one of the companions to the fish-people who worship Booal.

He approves fighting the fake god Booal because it’s a massacre; where there is bloodshed, there is Astarion’s approval. 

For the same reason he approves killing the Githyanki patrol: pure bloodshed.

[[3]] Situations of gratuitous cruelty: I understand that a lot of people confuse this trait of his personality as a “trolling attitude”. There are different archetypes of tricksters in DnD, and he is not particularly the silly-funny one (e.i. Jester in Critical Role), but the cruel-funny one. His “pranks” don’t cause annoyance or silly troubles, they usually end up in murdering the person he is pranking, or causing them great pain. What he considers “funny” is always related to a lot of blood and suffering. Examples of this:

He disapproves of diffusing the situation between Aradin and Zevlor after the first goblin attack. He is “missing” his show. This situation is also related to enjoying humiliation of others (see below).

After letting Arka kill the goblin and take her revenge, Astarion will approve the comment that refugees are desperate and they will do anything. He is enjoying the show of despair of weak creatures. And he is also expecting for some of them to become survivalist beasts.

He approves of telling Kagha that you enjoyed the show of Arabella’s death as an answer to her question about if she is a monster.

He also approves of telling Arabella's parents that Kagha will release their daughter when the Rite of Thorns is completed (while Arabella, in fact, has been killed by Kagha's snake). This is another example of Evil Trickster, a prank with a really dark taste. This also shows that Astarion likes to give false hopes [One of the most iconic characteristic of Cazador]

He approves of telling the tiefling kids training with Wyll that they are going to die, inspiring that despair he enjoys to see in weak creatures. (see below)

He approves of breaking Alfira’s teacher’s lute, leaving the tiefling heartbroken because that had been the only memento she got from her teacher, and could not finish her tribute song.

Astarion approves of interrupting the goblinoid couple having sex, which he considers disgusting. After killing them, Astarion will support the idea that it was funny. Another example of Evil Trickster where the prank ends up with the death of the pranked one. But we also know Astarion despises goblinoid races.

He approves of killing Crusher after humiliating him.

He supports Tav who volunteers to torture Liam at the goblin camp.

He supports of laughing at Lorin (the elf trapped in Ethel’s house) after pretending to be the monster he sees (psychological torture). This example can be part of the list of humiliation too.

He states that seeing Mayrina’s horrified face after resurrecting her husband was funny. Another example of false hopes [One of the most iconic characteristics of Cazador] On the contrary, if Tav kills the undead afterwards, Astarion will disapprove, since he missed the “fun” of seeing Mayrina tortured. 

He enjoys every state of Abdirak’s torture upon Tav. This can be seen as a fine bloody show he is enjoying, or as a way to put Tav in a humiliating situation (as he approved the dung-smearing or the foot-kissing instances)

Using the leader gnoll Flind to attack her own gnolls earns his approval. Asking her to devour herself increases approval once more. This situation could also be seen as enjoyment of animal cruelty (since gnolls are considered animals by Astarion too) but also as the reflection of Astarion’s inner desire of becoming a Master of bending wills.

 Probably the most innocent prank so far we saw, he approves of doing Baaa at the redcaps in the Bog.

[[4]] As I said previously, he suports any form of animal cruelty:

He approves of kicking and killing the squirrel Timber in the Druid Grove. According to the dev’s notes, he is “shocked and annoyed” because “you stamped a squirrel to death when he could’ve eaten it.” (DEN_General_Squirrel)

He supports prodding to death the bird that Nettie was healing during the dialogue (you need Speak with Animals for this).

He supports freeing the Owlbear cub at the Goblin Camp, and feeding it later, because he wants to bite the owlbear cub eventually (he uses the word “delectable” to describe him, and when the owlbear escapes, Astarions states “You‘ve scared off the little snack.”)

When we find Halsin in his bear form, Astarion will have two instances of approval: the first one when Tav tells the goblin kids that throwing stones with sharp edges would hurt the animal more, and then when Tav themself joins the goblins in throwing rocks at Halsin. 

We can also add the confrontation with Flind, the Gnoll leader, as another example of animal cruelty since he approves a smart yet twisted way of killing her by double-using the tadpole. First to command her to attack the gnolls, and then to devour herself. However, since Gnolls are considered aberrations lore-wise, this point could be left aside in this particular case. 

If we take into consideration that Astarion sees Goblins, Kobolds, and Gnomes as animals, killing them always increases his approval. This happens when we kill, out of the blue, most goblin NPCs, or simply attack the camp. (Datamined content) He will also approve of killing slave gnomes in Duergar Encampment (place you find after the boat). All these moments can be also seen as “animal” cruelty if we take into account Astarion’s perspective.

He approves of killing Priestess Gut in the Goblin Camp. It could also be interpreted as his usual dismissal towards goblins (he sees them as animals), since he never believed that she could help them in the first place. Or this approval can fit perfectly fine the cruel, murderous aspect of Astarion. As I said, many approvals overlap different aspects of Astarion, but all seem to fit his patterns either way. 

I suspect that the reason behind this particular kind of cruelty comes from those two hundred years of torture, in which he had to drink animal blood. Considering he was such an unfair magistrate, directing his rage against the ones who are not the root of the problem seems fitting. 

[[5]] Astarion is filled with racial bias and prejudices. 

He only sees elves and humans as the only creatures capable of thinking. (Scene after the bite)

However, he has strong biases against a particular ethnic group of humans: Gurs. He thinks they are all cut-throat, and probably would approve the rest of stereotypes that Gandrel added in that scene. (Scene of meeting Gandrel)

He mocks halfling and dwarf Tavs, who he thinks are naturally weak, until they prove him wrong. (Stargaze scene for short-sized Tav)

He supports the idea that tieflings have demonic powers just because of their heritage. (Speaking with the Grove halfling seller). During the party, he compares the lives of the tieflings with the lives of the goblins as something of similar value (which we know he considers as animal).

He sees goblins, kobolds, and gnomes as animals. (Scene after the bite)

After killing the goblinoid couple which was having sex, if Tav choose to say that the situation made them scrub their eyes, Astarion would add and extra “dehumanizing” comment against gnomes. “I’ve seen worse. Gnomes can be… ughh.” (Scene of interrupting sex)

[[6]] He finds pleasure in humiliating people or in outsmarting them, especially if they are trying to outsmart Tav. He dislikes weakness and loves to humiliate weak people in particular.

He approves telling Lae’Zel to say “please” when we met her again in the cage, humiliating her. 

He disapproves of diffusing the situation between Aradin and Zevlor after the first goblin attack. We know he is “missing” his show where one of them is being humiliated.

Astarion approves of telling Elegis that she is pathetic for being scared of a few goblins. Once more, humiliation due to weakness. 

He disapproves of telling Arabella's parents that the Druids overreacted when speaking in the Druid Grove’s stairs. He is disapproving for defending a weak and silly creature who was not smart enough to survive on her own. 

Astarion supports stealing the “magical” ring from the tiefling kid. This is another situation of humiliation of a weak person and outsmarting them. This could be considered a prank of a more silly-funny trickster doing an innocent prank.

He approves of telling the tiefling kids that they are going to die.

He feels disappointed when Lae’Zel did not kill Zorru, the tiefling that she forces to kneel and confess where he saw the Gith patrol. He approves the psychological torture of the interrogation.

He enjoys interrupting the goblinoid couple having sex. This is an example of the prank cruel-funny trickster. This “prank” ends up with the goblinoid couple being killed.

Astarion approves of smearing dung in the guard's face at the goblin camp entrance. The show of seeing someone being humiliated is satisfying.

He supports booing and humiliating Volo off the stage in the goblin camp. 

He supports licking the goblin’s foot (It could also be considered a prank).

He supports kissing the goblin’s foot while stealing the ring. This situation puts two things he enjoys in the same place: the humiliation experienced by Tav and how the Crusher was outsmarted in the process. Astarion will approve if Crusher is the one humiliated and forced to kiss Tav’s foot. 

He approves of laughing at Lorin (the elf trapped in Ethel’s house) when the elf is scared of Tav who pretends to be the monster that’s torturing him.

Humiliating “low people'' is an important aspect of Astarion’s personality, since it’s a small petty pleasure he can have now, when during the last two hundred years it had been done to him. Humiliation has to do with power as well, another symbol tight to Astarion’s personality. Through humiliation Astarion can taste a little bit of power, that power he lacked for two hundred years. That power that, if his backstory is not retconned in future versions or in the full release game, he had before turning into a vampire, abusing those groups he considered less.

[[7]] If we think in power, we also have to think in manipulation. And of course, Astarion is a great master of it. Sometimes the events that stand out his taste for manipulation overlap with the ones displayed in the humiliation section.

Since the moment we meet Astarion, we know he keeps working in turning himself into a pleasant and useful companion for Tav. Astarion knows he has bigger chances to succeed and survive staying with this group. A lot of his “neutral” behaviours respond to this goal: he doesn’t want to enrage Tav to the point of being kicked out of the party, it’s not about a hidden gentle side inside he is showing with an apathetic neutrality, it’s, once more, raw preservation and survival. During the first scenes of the game, when we don’t know he is a vampire, Astarion tries to avoid taking a position in the situations we face: he is just feeling the ground all the time: with Sazza and with Arabella’s death is clear. He doesn’t judge hard, he is testing Tav, he is trying to understand their mind, and acting as pleasant as he can according to what he sees. It’s a natural use of manipulation to guarantee his survival in a group of strangers. During the bite scene—when this façade finally ends—he is truly nervous of being killed for his vampiric nature, and tries to convince Tav of keeping him in the group using arguments that go from seduction to practical usefulness. 

The scene of stargaze also shows his usage of seduction as a manipulative tool to guarantee his survival (he weponises seduction and sex). Although he says mostly the same, he reacts very differently in tone depending on Tav’s approach. If Tav is wary, Astarion will act encouraging their ego and enumerating several feats, while getting uncomfortably closer. If Tav is already interested in Astarion, the elf will use softer manners to keep the seduction into a more intimate tone. This is a scene of a predator tasting his future prey as well (Dev’s notes are pretty clear about his manipulation). In this scene, also, Astarion is light-headed because he has not drunk blood in a while, and has “his head foggy” (something we can repeat during his origin as a personal tag). Exact words he will use as a narrative hint during the bite scene. Therefore, this scene has little of “Astarion falling for Tav”, and has everything of vampiric hunger combined with a raw sense of survival and usage of seduction to guaranteed it.

(potential interpretation) He approves when he is persuaded into sharing his dream with Tav. In any other character, we usually would understand this as an approval for caring about the character himself. In that scenario, failing the approval doesn’t cause a penalty (unless the character understands this failure as prying, as it happens with Shadowheart). In Astarion’s case, when you fail this persuasion, you are penalised with a disapproval. We can understand this in the same way we see it with Shadowheart: this is his annoyance for prying into his personal business. But there is another interpretation in this disapproval: he recognised a bad execution of persuasion as a manipulative attempt, and Astarion is in particular very sensitive to manipulations and mind games (see point [12]). 

Most of his “romance” is manipulation as well, keeping in mind the first point of this section: he becomes pleasant for Tav, using whatever shape he needs, so he can survive (this is especially noticeable with a good-aligned Tav). Astarion has weaponised seduction and sex without any hint of subtetly for the player (As the Dev’s notes say: “For Astarion, this is a game of power - one he’s played many times before in the taverns of Baldur’s Gate, trying to lure people back to his master. He’s an old hand at seduction, very self-assured at first, but the player might not go along with the script he expects them to follow.”) We can assure that Astarion will find more satisfaction in having “fun” with a high-approval Tav rather than a low-approval Tav.

If Tav is not evil enough (and therefore has a low approval), Astarion will need to be the one inviting Tav to have sex (to be sure the control is still in his hand, still pushing for “catching” Tav). If a low-approval-Tav invites Astarion, he will decline saying that he “has standards'', implying he needs to be the one controlling the situation (he is basically playing “hard to catch”. Astarion already knows that he “caught” Tav in this scenario since Tav was the first one showing their interest). If Tav is evil-like (and has enough approval), Astarion will not only weaponise sex, he may express some degree of personal desire in having “fun” with Tav. After all, evil characters can like one another. In this case, he would accept Tav’s invitation for more hedonist reasons such as personal pleasure and not mere survival. Still it’s always present the layer of using this situation as a manipulative tool to have control on Tav.

Approves persuading Crusher without a fight, understanding it as an approval earnt for the good manipulation tool used. Of course this scene is combined with the natural approval that Astarion gives when outsmarting creatures he considers lower or animal-like (See point [6]). 

Successfully persuade Lae'Zel to "play along" when meeting the Githyanki patrol, and pull off the deception.

I personally found funny that Astarion, without the intention of the writer, is so good in his manipulations, that he broke the fourth wall and ended up manipulating a good amount of players as well into believing him. 

[[8]] He supports revenge in all its forms and degrees, which is not strange since it’s his main motivation against Cazador.

He approves of letting Arka kill Sazza in the cage as revenge for her brother’s death.

He approves of the attack against Nettie when she poisons Tav.

He approves of telling Edowin's siblings to find the beast that attacked him as a way to avenge the True Soul.

Astarion approves of Arabella’s mother killing Kagha at the party.

He approves of helping the Sovereign to take revenge against the Duergars that killed their young. However, it’s not clear if Astarion approves the revenge itself or the method proposed, which is, according to his own words, “a bit genocidal” and therefore more entertaining for him (we need to remember he enjoys the display of murder and violence in all its forms, [2,3]). 

He approves of helping Glut in massacring the whole Myconid colony, since according to Glut’s words, they saw Glut’s circle being killed by the Duergars and did nothing, so Glut is looking for revenge. 

[[9]] He doesn’t like to get involved in anyone’s problems unless you can obtain a benefit or a reward for it (this is directly connected to his greed aspect [1])

He approves of telling Mayrina’s brothers that they are on their own, and actively disapproves if Tav agrees to help them find Mayrina.

He approves of declining to help Halsin in killing the Goblin leaders.

He disapproves of helping Wyll to save the Tiefling refugees in the Grove.

He disapproves of helping Zevlor.

He disapproves of finding evidence that confirms that Kagha is working with Shadow Druids. He will additionally disapprove again if, after exposing her, Tav asks her to change her ways. From Astarion’s point of view, Tav is basically meddling too much in the Grove’s problems for free, and ruining all the instances where murder could happen. 

He also disapproves if Tav agrees to help the two Zhentarim humans that are attacked by gnolls without asking for compensation.

He approves of not getting involved in the rescue of the Duke when Tav speaks with Florrick

[[10]] Despite having been a slave, he lacks of empathy for those who shared his fate and, instead, he supports slavery:

If we take into consideration what Swen said about his background in one of the first playthough he showed, we know that Astarion, as a magistrate, used criminals as food for local vampires, and in an attempt to outsmart them, he began to sell them into slavery (we can see in this brief background that Astarion has been greedy and cruel before turning into a vampire).

Although he disapproves paying for Oskar, the painter in the Zhentarim Hideout, he does it because of the money. When Tav buys the painter and demands him to stay silent because “slaves should speak when they are spoken to”, Oskar will think this is a joke (which is not the case, since none of those options has, in this patch at least, a (performance) tag). When Tav reinforces the idea that this is not a joke, and Oskar is now a true slave, only then, Astarion will approve. 

When seeing one of the servant Duergars of the Myconite Colony, Astarion will comment on how useful they are, and how Underdark drows should learn about these creatures, since these slaves are more efficient than the standard ones. If Tav brings awareness about the contradiction that those thoughts cause coming from an ex-slave, Astarion will justify his thinking saying that they are husks without mind, claiming that his feelings “may be different, had they been conscious beings. Or maybe not.” He emphasises in this dual possibility. And we can be sure that he certainly would not care slavery on conscious creatures, as we confirm it later with Oskar (A human who is not a Gur, and therefore, a creature that Astarion consider thinking acceptable beings). 

(Datamined content) When reaching the Duergar Encampment, once Nere is rescued, there is approval for killing the slave gnomes when the True Soul orders it. One can interpret that Astarion minds little for these slaves because they are gnomes, and therefore, animals.

[[11]] He looks for power and dominance, to have control over others and also as a way to guarantee his own freedom. 

In the discussion after every dream, Astarion supports the use of the tadpole's power in every opportunity, dismissing their effects. He is thrilling for the ability of bending everyone’s will (curious note, this is one of Cazador’s characteristics most hated by him)

He approves of letting the Koa-Toes bow before them as the Booal's chosen. This scene can be understood as a typical prank of a trickster, but also as a taste for being adored as a master/entity with more power. This scene shows that he and Tav are placed in the “Master” position. This reinforces the idea that Astarion wants to be a Master/Cazador, eventually. (Check post about Astarion and Power 1 and 2)

If Tav claims that the worship to them as True Souls can be useful after letting Edowin’s siblings leave, Astarion will approve. He shows in every instance more delight for having Cazador’s powers, making emphasis in the mind control ability, again.

Astarion approves of keeping the Necromancy of Thay tome. As we see later in his scene, he believes that there is something powerful hidden in it that may help him against Cazador. He wants to muster all the power of any kind he can.

Astarion approves of sparing Auntie Ethel’s life when she surrenders during battle because she will grant them power in exchange. He wants to muster all the power of any kind he can.

[[12]] Astarion is particularly sensitive to mind control. His expressions and the tone of his voice against any type of mind control are filled with feral ire (video here): 

He is angrily affected by the movements of his worm in his own head, 

He screams against Ethel’s control when using the mask, 

The insults at the harpies when he is lured, 

The way he is annoyed by the telepathic spores in the Underdark, 

He disapproves failed attempts of persuasion (understood by his character as failed, obvious attempts of manipulations). 

And, potentially, this is the reason why he disapproves of Priestess Gut cleaning Tav’s mind.

[[13]] Because he likes power, he also likes the demonstration of power whether his own or his allies’, therefore he likes most intimidation options in general

He approves of intimidating Gimblebok and the gang near the ruins. 

He approves of intimidating or provoking both Aradin and Zevlor at the Druid Grove.

At camp, when discussing preferred methods of death, he approves if Tav tells him "If I die, I'll take you with me." (after first picking "Try it and I'll spill your guts") . He also approves if Tav chooses a method of death (decapitation, knife, poison). Both options show resolve, strength, and freedom in deciding one’s fate. Since Astarion died at the hands of strangers, he values the freedom of choosing how to die. He will disapprove picking the option of letting others decide your death.

He approves if you intimidate the mirror into allowing passage.

[[14]] He is a survivalist character, and therefore, a lot of his approvals are related to elements that will guarantee his life, such as looking for his own freedom, the acceptance of his vampire nature, and the encouragement in looking for strong alliances or keeping alive strong individuals that can be useful as allies. 

He approves of being accepted with his vampire nature and allowing him to feed on Tav’s blood. He keeps approving if Tav defends him during the exchange of opinions in the camp. 

He approves if he has permission to feed on enemies. 

He approves of killing Gandrel. This approval is also mere raw survival.

He approves if during sex, Tav allows him to drink their blood. 

He disapproves of promising Nettie to take Wyvern Poison if you feel symptoms of the Tadpole, since it goes against his survival instinct.

When Lae’Zel is killed by the Gith patrol, he will state in banter that it was a waste since Lae’Zel was a powerful/strong specimen, so clearly he is lamenting the loss of a powerful ally. 

Despite appreciating his freedom, he has explicitly stated that he “would choose servitude over oblivion any day”, showing how extremely survivalist he can be.

[[15]] He likes to find a solution to their tadpole problem using unconventional ways, or at least, using options that may lead him to the twisted solution he needs (which is not exactly being cured of the tadpole, but to control it, he certainly needs more exceptional means)

He approves of telling Auntie Ethel about the tadpole in the Druid Grove simply because she “looks lunatic”.

At first, Astarion disapproves of Raphael's invitation to remove the Tadpole, claiming that he would not change one master for another. However, when the situation starts looking dire, he will approve of the idea, because anything “may be better than Cazador” adding later that he “would choose servitude over oblivion any day.” 

A bit contradictory when he was the first one claiming that Raphael used mind games similar to Cazador’s, games they know they have won before starting.

[[16]] He has a “soft spot” for helping people to escape their masters or killing/rejecting people that can be seen as Masters. However it’s requirement that those escapees could be seen by Aastarion as strong and capable creatures. He would mind little for creatures he sees as underlings. (Weak concept, seeing it with squinted eyes)

He approves of helping Karlach to get rid of the Tyr followers, since they are in fact working for Zariel, Karlach’s previous master. With all what Karlach explained about her past, she certainly qualifies as a strong person who is trying to get rid of her master.

He disapproves of Tav who tells Raphael that they would do anything to remove the Tadpole. This is probably resounding in Astarion: his past bad choice when he was at death's door due to the Gur attack and Cazador appeared to “save” him. He knows that going to that extent has poor results.

Astarion approves of Tav if they say that they won’t become Raphael's pawn (conversation in the camp after the encounter with Raphael). It’s true that when the other options narrow, Astarion starts to consider the possibility of changing a vampiric master for an infernal one.

This post was written on April 2021.

→ For more Astarion: Analysis Series Index

[kiratheperson]

Hello, I'm once again asking you about your OCs because I'm curious! I hope that's okay? Who are Iphi and Jack? I love the first one's name. And if I remember right Jack is aro? That's neat, I haven't really seen a lot of aro characters before! /pos

Thank you for the ask!!! Sorry this is pretty late btw, I haven’t had time to answer it lol

(That’s Iphi on the left, Jack on the right. First is a picrew, second isn’t my art but like. I haven’t drawn Jack yet so that’s kinda their ref for now)

But it is rant time!! Imma start with Iphi! Because I kinda need to explain her to give context for Jack’s lore. 

So Iphi is the god of sacrifice in this little fantasy world I made, Kunyang! She’s a pretty old god, a couple of thousand years old, but she’s still the second youngest one lol.

In Kunyang, gods are born when they sprout from the seeds of the god tree. The god tree is in the divine realm, which is a different realm entirely from the physical realm, but very rarely, a god seed can arrive in the physical realm.

Anyways, this seed fell into the hands of a very magically powerful person. They had magic potential that could honestly rival a god- and yeah, they believed they were destined for great things because of it. So, they were determined to be the person who caused the god seed to sprout.

So in Kunyang, there was once this library called the Archives, run by the god of knowledge himself, Ephius. This person went to Ephius, and they were told that the seed was for the god of sacrifice. Ephius told the person that to sprout a god seed, they’d need sacrifices from thousands of people. This person wanted to do it, all by themself.

And so, they sacrificed everything. Family, friends, fortune, and fame. All gone, in the hopes of making a legacy. The seed did not sprout, because it wasn’t enough. So this person decided that they would need to make a very big sacrifice, one big enough to make the seed sprout.

They decided to banish the Archives from the physical realm into the divine realm, sacrificing humanity’s access to the library of all knowledge. And that was indeed a big enough sacrifice to give birth to a new god!

And that’s how Iphi was created. But the thing is- that’s really not how you’re supposed to create a god. So she was kind of corrupted from birth. This corruption prevented her from having a lot of character traits that one might consider important to being human.

Iphi does not feel happiness, or satisfaction. No sorrow or regret. Nothing of that sort. But she is working towards a goal: and that is creating a legacy. Having an effect on the world. (Her only contributor to her creation imprinted heavily on her.)

And because of that, she is very active in all manners of sacrifice. Every day, she’s constantly getting people to make sacrifices to her, amassing followers in many different lands. This also increases her powers heavily.

The way her powers work, they’re kinda like payment based. She gets someone to sacrifice something for her, and she can create something else of equal value to that something. (The more important that something was to the person who sacrificed it, the more she can create and do.) Like, she could make a giant wall of fire, or acid rain, or bury a country in gold if she had enough magic. Which she absolutely does. But she mostly saves the magic potential she receives for later.

And also, Iphi doesn’t truly care about anything other than making a mark on the world. She doesn’t mind if people die or suffer because her sacrifices took something too important- if anything, she wants to do that, because it’s quite a way of making your mark on the world.

Oh, and I gotta add- she can’t do this all without a little help! And that’s where Jack comes in.

They’re also a couple thousand years old, but quite younger than Iphi. So they used to be a court jester. Mortal and everything. They should have had a life of a normal length, be just another person in the world, but then they fell in love with Iphi.

And yeah they’re aromantic! It’s not romantic love, it’s alterous love. But yeah they felt a deep emotional attraction, and they wanted to be in a relationship (not a romantic or platonic one though). Anyways, Iphi doesn’t feel the same way. She doesn’t love Jack. But she thought it was convenient to have someone in love with her, and to keep them around, so she offered Jack a sacrifice.

She’d give them eternity, and they would be her servant.

Jack honestly didn’t want to do that at first, but then they had a near-death experience, and agreed to her terms.

So Iphi took their physical body, and also their independence.

Because it would be inconvenient if her servant got bored or wanted to take back the sacrifice. So Jack quite literally cannot think unless she wills it. They’re barely conscious until Iphi needs them, and only then can they think again.

Jack isn’t even aware this happens. To them, it feels like they just woke up, or they just simply forgot what happened during that time

Iphi also messed with Jack’s mind a bit, to amplify their devotion. And yeah, Jack is completely, utterly devoted to her. They would die for her, they’d be tortured for her, they would kill for her too. Nothing is off the table. They’d do anything she says. And they truly love her.

Jack mostly stays in the divine realm, usually, until Iphi sends them to the physical realm to do something for her. That something is usually extorting people to get more sacrifices. Jack pretty much curses people, and then offers to remove that curse in exchange for a sacrifice. (That’s how Janessa got cursed, actually [have I talked about her?] but Jack forgot they cursed her lmao.)

Anywayssss there is some more lore, but this is pretty fucking long already lmao so Imma just end this here. Unless you’d like to hear more!!

[jeanandthedreamofhorses]

Jean and Connie: The Path to Valhalla

Many people are upset at the fate of Jean and Connie, but, while I love these characters just as dearly (see: my username and icon), I really can’t think of a better conclusion to their character arcs than for them both to ‘die as a member of the Survey Corps’.

Maybe it’s because death is thought of nowadays as the ultimate evil that it cannot be seen as a positive thing. But for the majority of human history, a good death was every inch as important as a good life.

For the Vikings especially - and SNK is filled with Norse references - your entry into Valhalla is wholly dependent on the way you die, not the way you live: whether you die gloriously in battle, or wither away after cowardly retreat. No matter what mistakes you make in your life, all can be redeemed if you sacrifice yourself fighting.

Hange hates themself for failing to live up to Erwin’s legendary leadership, for killing their old comrades, and for losing control of Eren and allowing the Rumbling to happen. But in sacrificing themself, in dying fighting, Hange is welcomed into the hall of heroes in the afterlife.

Likewise, no matter how brave you were in a hundred battles prior, if you do not die in the flurry of combat, you cannot enter Valhalla.

Jean is tempted towards inaction, to allow the Rumbling to continue. His rationale is that by virtue of all his previous battles, he has accumulated enough honour for no-one to judge him in this regard. 

Yet he is judged, and he knows he is judged. He is judged by the Einherjar, the souls of the slain that dwell within Valhalla: his old comrades in the Survey Corps.

Only by fighting to the very end can one enter Valhalla. There is no room for quitters. Your true worthiness of character is determined in the moment of death, and only in that moment.

Jean is Attack On Titan’s Everyman: he’s the series’ example of how an average person who would prefer to run away and live a quiet life can nevertheless become a hero. No matter how scared or fragile they might be, they are always capable of doing their damnedest to fight back.

Jean is continually tempted away from this bloody path of the hero. He is tempted to join the Military Police and live in the Interior, to not kill another human being, to ignore the Rumbling and enjoy peace at last, to not kill Eren and his other former comrades. But every time, he has managed to triumph over those fears. And the greatest of those is the fear of death.

In his character’s flagship moment, Jean trembles as he declares his decision to join the Survey Corps. He’s terrified, because he knows that decision ultimately means death. But in protecting the lives of others, he has found something worth valuing beyond his own life.

The decision is not just made there, but continuously. The Rumbling was a potential ‘out’ for Jean. Had he stopped there, then, miraculously, his decision of certain death would have not cost him his life. 

But he did not stop, because then he could not enter Valhalla.

Lightning never strikes twice. Jean had a miracle offered to him on a plate and he turned it down. For his decision to carry any weight, the narrative could not have allowed him to survive this battle as well. It is essential that Jean made the choice not just to fight, but to die for the greater good. 

As Connie reminds him, that was the decision he made at the entrance ceremony, and that is the decision he has continued to uphold.

Yet, in contrast to the trembling Jean from back then, look how at peace he is in his last moments. He’s calm because he’s made this decision twice now. He is dying ‘as a member of the Survey Corps’, the fate he knew was inevitable after signing up for not just one, but two suicide missions. He has not betrayed Marco by backing out halfway through. By fighting to the bitter end like Marco did, he has earned the right to stand alongside him in Valhalla.

As for Connie, if you look closely you can see tears in his eyes. Part of this is because he has always been prone to tears, but he must also feel the bitter sting of irony in facing the same fate as Ragako village: the tragedy that has haunted him throughout the series.

Horrifying enough to think of. But despite facing the worst fate he can imagine, somehow, Connie shares in Jean’s sense of peace and playfully berates him for making him care about the world beyond himself. This is because Connie, too, is proud to die as a member of the Survey Corps.

Connie is another of the series’ ‘normal’ people - he joins the military for the common goal of making his family proud. Like Jean, he must fight his insular inclinations - a happy life with his family - to walk the hero’s path and join the Survey Corps, kill other humans, resist the Rumbling, and kill Eren and his old comrades.

But after the titanisation of his family, the betrayal of countless friends, and the death of the person closest to him, Connie is tempted to abandon this path which has cost him so much. He wants to stop being righteous and just be a normal idiot again - someone who values their own comfort over the lives of strangers.

So Connie is offered his own ‘out’ through Falco, and almost takes it. By resurrecting his mother, Connie could return to the family life he really wants, even if it would sabotage an alliance with Reiner and doom all life beyond the Walls.

But thanks to Armin’s intervention, Connie stops himself. He reaffirms his commitment to the righteous path, as Jean does in the very same chapter.

Both Connie and Jean sacrifice the peaceful lives they’ve always wanted in order to protect people other than themselves and their loved ones. Connie can share in Jean’s sense of peace when the time comes because he has already placed the hero’s path ahead of his personal desires. The moment he condemned his mother to titanisation for the sake of the greater good, he was willing to meet that same fate himself.

In choosing the self-sacrificial path of the Survey Corps over his own desires, Connie makes the decision Erwin made - and the decision Eren could not make.

Connie turned down his ‘out’. He could have avoided the death sentence of joining the Survey Corps just like Jean, but he decided to uphold his oath instead.

That moment made his death inevitable, as well as his entry into Valhalla. Although he jokingly complains, his pride at having the job of ‘saving humanity’ is clear. He has become a soldier his mother could be proud of.

They die as members of the Survey Corps, doing what the SC have always done - entrusting their comrades to make their sacrifice mean something.

The efforts of Jean and Connie may have led to their deaths, but it was only because of their actions that their comrades were able to save the world. By overcoming their individual weaknesses and desires, these two ordinary people now rank among the most special and indispensable people in existence.

In contrast to Keith’s earlier pessimism, special people aren’t born that way. They become that way through continuous struggle, sacrifice, and force of will. 

That’s why ordinary people like Jean and Connie are now worthy of entry into Valhalla. They stand next to the countless other ordinary people in the Survey Corps whose personal sacrifices led up to the outcome for which they had always fought: the salvation of mankind.

They dedicated their hearts to humanity.

[icasttourniquet]

Common Misconceptions: Scene Safety and Extraction

Self-sacrifice is a fun narrative trope. Who doesn't love seeing the emotionally constipated character put themselves at risk to save someone they care about but won't admit they care about?

Which is to say, I'm not telling you to write characters who follow the priority schema below. I'm just explaining the schema your first responder character likely learned for your edification and, more importantly, because acknowledging that you are violating protocol to save someone's life adds way more angst.

Disaster Priorities

Me (the first responder and potential victim)

Bystanders (potential victims)

Other victims (potential worse victims)

Patient (potential dead victim)

(ModN was taught even one step further in his EMT: 1) me! 2) still me 3) my partner 4) me again 5) my partner again 6) bystanders 7) the patient.)

But wait! Are you telling me if I stumble upon someone bleeding out in the street, I need to look both ways before running to help them?

To which I say, yes because if you get hit by a car, the next person to stumble upon this scene will find two people bleeding out in the street, which is objectively worse. Also, don't run to them. If you break your ankle, how are you going to get them out of the street?

Scene Safe

When running a drill, the first things a (nerdy) EMT will say are: "BSI, my scene is safe..." This is because the first thing an EMT cares about in every scenario is whether or not they have the necessary body substance isolation (BSI) and whether they can treat their patient safely.

It no doubt sounds counterintuitive. Humans see other injured humans (or just injured things in general—here's a cute video about humans rescuing a beached orca because it's my post and if I want to link to a video about orcas when I'm talking about scene safety, I will; side note, I think orcas probably reduce scene safety). In many cases, it's perfectly natural for a character to run into danger to save someone else, even if it is not proper protocol. Again, you don't need to follow these rules to write your first response scene, but knowing them is helpful.

These priorities also imply the following:

If there's a HazMat situation that involves patients and bystanders, and your character is the only first responder there, they should focus on keeping bystanders out and not treating those already sick (assuming they can only do one).

Your character does not have to treat someone in a dangerous situation, like, say, someone who got electrocuted by a still-dancing electrical wire (check out this post for some CPR information though).

Sometimes, extraction takes priority over treatment.

Extraction

Let's say someone's just fallen off a small cliff into traffic (ModN contests that this is a thing that happens, but we'll go along with it for the sake of argument). Your character determines that they can offer first-aid without putting anyone else in more danger, but first, they need to make the scene safe.

Which of the following is proper procedure:

Worry about the spine and avoid moving the patient until you can do so without injuring them further

Do a primary assessment (more information about primary assessments here) and stop life threats while still in the middle of the highway

Try to figure out a method of extraction that won't exacerbate any existing injuries

Get them out of the highway! Now!

If you didn't pick 4, congratulations, you were wrong. You cannot treat a patient on an active highway. This is because of all the projectile weapons (cars) on active highways. For the record, you also wouldn't treat a patient in the middle of an active firefight.

Remember, the number 1 priority is the first responder. That means the patient needs to not be on the highway (or your buddy can stop the traffic, whichever).

But, I hear you cry, what if I hurt my patient's spine by pulling them out of the highway? To you, I say, can I recommend this relatively spine safe drag? And, if that's not convincing, can I remind you the other option is letting your patient get run over by a semi truck?

But what if I make their injuries worse by dragging them away? Getting hit by a car will also make your patient's injuries worse. Probably worse than getting dragged away.

What if they die while I'm dragging them? You probably didn't have time to treat them anyway. However, because you dragged them away, you have now avoided getting hit by a car, thereby possibly saving the life of the next first responder who arrives at the scene and decides to run into traffic.

Extraction in the real world

Trigger warning for folks: this section is going to discuss actual medical protocol used for active shooter scenarios. If you're not into that right now, skip to the summary section.

There have been two major shifts in active shooter protocol in the US in the last decade. The first is the shift from treating them more as hostage situations (when SWAT stays outside the scene to negotiate at first, and officers may stay outside to wait for better prepared people) to situations that need to be stopped immediately.

The second is the shift from clearing an entire building to extracting and treating casualties as quickly as possible. Areas in a shooting are separated into zones. The hot zone is where we're pretty sure the shooter is. The warm zone is where the shooter could be, soon, but isn't now and probably won't be. And the cool zone is where we're pretty sure the shooter won't be.

Previously, EMS wasn't sent in until the whole area was green (standard EMS still isn't – as an EMT ModN was taught to stay well behind the concrete bullet-impervious barricade until the scene is clear). Basically, people with guns guaranteed the whole scene was safe as could be before medicine started happening. Now, well-protected first responders with special training are sent into warm zones to treat patients as fast as they can and then get them out.

Enter the RESCUE TASK FORCE (RTF).

Rescue Task Force

An RTF is a team of one (or more) armed people who can protect their gaggle of medical responders. The armed people go in first to make sure the medical professionals will not immediately be shot and EMS hurries in behind.

RTFs stabilize patients as they find them (e.g. stop the bleed, opening an airway), not using any triage procedures and skipping over patients who "pass" the primary assessment. This is because the zone of safety is so small, they pretty much need to treat whoever they can get. The goal, however, is to get these patients stabilized so that an extraction team (following close behind) can get them out.

As this article succinctly puts it:

"The job of the RTF is to stop the bleeding, and keep patients breathing."

Extraction Task Force

That's when the EXTRACTION TASK FORCE comes into play. (Or, in some cases, a SECONDARY RESCUE TASK FORCE because we wouldn't want to name these two teams someting different, would we?)

This team comes in armed with stretchers and lots of hands to help get people out fast. This can vary from easy—"Hey, go that way to get out of the building"—to difficult—trying to get unresponsive or actively panicking injured people onto a stretcher and out.

Side note: When I say stretcher, you might be thinking of something like this:

In a case like this, first responders might prefer flexible stretchers, like so:

You can roll the patient onto that and let two to six people each grab a handhold. Because it is made of cloth, the patient ends up coccooned inside, which makes it difficult to fall out and much faster to apply. It's also lighter and smaller to carry.

The extraction team is not worrying about things like broken bones or bruises. The RTF has already stabilized all the victims in the area (bleeding and breathing) and the extraction team is here to get them out.

What I'm trying to get at here is, all that stuff you've heard about "not moving people" and "worrying about spines" kind of goes out the window in situations where the scene is not safe.

Summary

In a disaster, first responders and bystanders take priority.

If you cannot treat your patient where they are, your first priority is getting them somewhere else.

(Orcas are really cool).

Mod E wanted to write about Rescue Task Forces but didn't want to make a post dedicated to them.

The only thing better than one character sacrificing themself for another is when said character knows they are violating protocol to do so. So, writers, violate protocol away. Happy angst writing!

[krashing-starz]

Four Times TommyInnit Almost Died And One Time He Did

TommyInnit’s had his close calls with death over the years, but that doesn’t stop him from panicking anytime he comes a little too close to kicking the bucket.

Or:

Four times TommyInnit escaped death by the skin on his teeth, and one time he couldn’t.

A/N: "Alistair! This is an extremely outdated piece of lore that hasn't really been relevant for months! Why are you posting this now?" Because screw it, that's why. Any who, trigger warnings for near death, death, hypothermia, mentions of death, and mentions of violence.

1.

Tommy should’ve known better. When Dream had first pulled out the TNT everyone in L’manberg had taken a step back. It wasn’t a whole lot, just enough to cause around the same amount of damage as a creeper. So everyone simply took a few steps back and told Dream to do it. He should’ve known better.

Dream is smart. Tommy’s heard the stories of his manhunts, heard the stories managing to turn the tide around on only half a heart. Tommy’s seen him working in real time now hasn’t he? He should’ve known better when Eret started to head outside of L’manberg, but it’s too late for that now. He should’ve known better when Dream pulled out the TNT, but he didn’t.

So when Dream tossed the lit TNT up everyone held their breath and it arced gracefully in the air, it didn’t seem fair something so dangerous could be so beautiful. As it hit the ground it exploded, and where they had been minutes ago also exploded. Tommy doesn’t remember who said it, but he does remember hearing a terrified voice shouting at them all to run. He should’ve known better.

Tommy turned tail and ran, and not a second too late, because right behind him exploded and caused him to stumble forward and hit the ground. Someone pulled him up thankfully as another bomb blew up on his left. He screamed his throat raw trying to get everyone's attention pointing towards the lake over the chaos shouting about his base. Thankfully he’d known to build one in L’manberg. But he still should’ve known better about Dream.

It’s only once everyone is down in the bunker that it really sinks in for Tommy. He nearly died, at least twice back there, possibly more times. He slumps in his chair and puts his head in his hands, he’s shaking, someone drapes themself over him, and whether for his comfort, or theirs, he’s not certain, he sucks in a breath and looks over everyone, beaten up but alive. He makes eye contact with Wilbur, and knows they're thinking the same thing. They should’ve known better than to think it was just going to be one stick of TNT. He should’ve known better.

If he’d known better he wouldn’t have nearly died. If he’d known better he would’ve questioned Eret more instead of just buying the sad excuses he gave. If he’d known better, he would’ve noticed the displaced dirt. If he’d known better he could’ve done something-anything-to stop the TNT that’s still going above them. He should’ve known better, is all Tommy can think as everyone recovers from the near death experience.

He should’ve known better.

2.

He shouldn’t have given Schlatt the benefit of the doubt. When Quackity and Schlatt had come to Wilbur and him saying they wanted to form a coalition Wilbur and him had been quick to deny them. It was only once Quackity pointed out that the two offered the same opportunity to him that they allowed it to happen. Add to that, they didn’t think that they would pull together enough votes to even come close to beating them.

He shouldn’t have given them the benefit of the doubt. They were a charismatic duo. Schlatt was able to convince anyone of anything, whether that was to invest in his latest scheme or vote for him as president regardless of his questionable past. Quackity could hold people's attention for hours and make it only seem like minutes had passed. If they had a loyal following before when they merged the following only seemed to shadow POG 2020’s, even if it was just by one percent.

He shouldn’t have given them the benefit of the doubt. Not when they joined the ballot, not when they merged, and certainly not when they were voted in. He knew Schlatt can hold a grudge, he’s heard it in the stories Wilbur would tell, and he’s seen it in the way Schlatt looks at Dream for kicking him out. He looked at Wilbur the same way too.

He shouldn’t have given him the benefit of the doubt. Tommy was sure Schlatt would just pull a prank on Wilbur at most, that’s what happened in the stories after all, but the stories were old. The stories were outdated. He realized that far too late as Schlatt started the sentence that echoed in Tommy’s brain.

He shouldn’t have given him the benefit of the doubt. Tommy was certain that Schlatt would target Dream, or maybe Wilbur, but not him. The last time Schlatt was in the Dream SMP the two had gotten along great, Tommy thought that there would be no bad blood between the two, but Schlatt must’ve blamed Tommy as well for his banning.

He shouldn’t have given him the benefit of the doubt. It hadn’t sunk in right away, but as it was Tommy was sure Wilbur and him would be allowed to collect their stuff, even Eret had been allowed to grab his things when he’d been kicked out, but Schlatt had made eye contact with someone in the crowd and next thing Tommy knew people had been pulling out weapons on him and Wilbur.

He shouldn’t have given them the benefit of the doubt. Tommy was certain the people chasing him wouldn’t actually do any harm to him or Wilbur. Despite all the conflict people still liked Wilbur, and they liked Tommy. But that doubt had nearly cost Tommy a life, it actually cost Wilbur one. That was all it took to set Tommy fleeing for the nearest forest to throw off everyone in.

He shouldn’t have given them the benefit of the doubt. So he wouldn’t. Tommy didn’t know how long he’d been running, he didn’t know if someone was following him, all he knew was he couldn’t let himself think he was safe. It was only when he tripped on a tree root that he stopped. Tommy looked around himself, he didn’t know where he was, he couldn’t hear anyone. His communicator buzzed in his pocket. Ignoring the death message in the general chat he opened up his private chat with Wilbur who was asking him where he was. Tommy sat down on the forest floor and leaned up against a tree. He checked his coordinates and gave them to Wilbur, processing the fact that he nearly died, again. He let out a wet laugh that sounded forced even to him.

He shouldn’t have given them the benefit of the doubt.

3.

Tommy’s not a hero. He doesn’t get why everyone thinks so. Heroes are supposed to be kind, they’re supposed to know all the answers, they're supposed to be able to save everyone. Tommy sacrificing two lives for L’manberg isn’t heroic, it’s stupid, at least, that’s what everyone said.

Tommy’s not a hero. Techno seems to think otherwise. Back in Pogtopia on slow days in the beginning Tommy would nag Techno while he farmed potatoes to teach him. Techno in turn would tell Tommy about various stories he’d collected over the years, slowly the two would take turns assigning character to various people they knew. At first it was a silly stupid thing the two would do to pass the time, but slowly they got more serious. It was during one of the last times the two would sit together in positive company, the festival was the next day, that Techno asked why Tommy always assigned himself as the hero of the story. Tommy didn’t have an answer. Techno gave him one of his looks, one that said I-don’t-believe-you before asking Tommy if he thought of himself as a hero. Tommy left the area of the ravine the two were in, not caring to answer.

Tommy’s not a hero. If Tommy was a hero he’d have noticed Wilbur slipping off and have thought to follow him. If Tommy was a hero he’d be president. If Tommy was a hero he would’ve figured out who the traitor was. If Tommy was a hero Pogtopia wouldn’t have had to exist. If Tommy was a hero he would have his disks by now. If Tommy was a hero, he wouldn’t be standing in the rubble of the recently renamed L’manberg watching a man kill Wilbur and Techno pull out a wither skull.

Tommy’s not a hero, but that doesn’t stop Techno from going off about this guy named Theseus. Tommy hasn’t heard this story before, but it’s just like all the others Techno tells. Someone is determined to save everyone, to slay a beast, to be a hero, and they succeed, until suddenly something horrible happens, and they die in a tragedy. Tommy can’t quite hear Techno, ears ringing from the explosion and too focused on the wither skulls he holds in his hands. Techno’s got the soul sand set up behind him, and Dream and his gang are next to him, weapons in hand, ready to stop anyone who might tried to challenge him.

Tommy’s not a hero. If he was a hero he’d have a snappy comeback for the questions Techno asked him, not the sad excuses for ones he gave. If he was a hero he would’ve reacted soon enough to stop Techno. But Tommy isn’t a hero, so instead he raised his shield to block an attack from a wither and started running.

Tommy’s not a hero. A hero would’ve stood and attacked, or charged and taken down Techno, or he would’ve said something clever to get everyone to rally up together instead of running and screaming to scatter. Thankfully everyone seemed to have the same sort of idea so it would be harder for the withers to attack everyone. Unfortunately one of the withers set their sights on him and let out an attack.

Tommy’s not a hero. When he sees the attack incoming and only dodges it that only helps solidify it in his mind. Tommy’s not a hero, he knows that. He’s no more a hero than Techno, than Wilbur, than Tubbo, than Schlatt, than Dream, but as another attack misses him by mere inches he pulls himself back and forces himself to get into a fighting stance.

Tommy’s not a hero, not by any means, but that doesn’t mean that he’s going to give up. Tommy’s not a hero, but he turns around to face the wither, ready to fight. Tommy’s not a hero, but he still does his best to get in attacks while narrowly avoiding being blown to bits. Tommy’s not a hero, he gets knocked down at one point by an attack he didn’t see coming and nearly blacks out if it wasn’t for the healing potion he can feel someone force feeding him. Tommy’s not a hero, but he’s also not a coward, so pushing himself up and pushing away the fact that he nearly just died again, he rejoins the fight, even still not a hero.

4.

Tommy’s flirted with death before. Back when he was younger and lived in SMP Earth he got into more than a few close calls with his seemingly endless conflict. And since joining the Dream SMP those times had only increased. He’d already lost count of the times he’d nearly died in exile alone, both on purpose or not, but he hadn’t flirted like this yet.

Tommy’s flirted with death before. But it had always been staring in pools of lava, or dodging wither attacks, or avoiding Punz in a forest, or running from TNT, never walking into the Arctic with a shoe missing, a torn up t-shirt, ripped pants, and a worn out trench coat. If Tommy had thought this through he would’ve probably stopped at one of the villages on his way and stayed the night there, but instead he had opted to avoid all signs of civilization like the plague, terrified of being found out and dragged back to the ruins Logstedshire and Dream.

Tommy’s flirted with death before. He’s opted to skip meals in Logstedshire in favor of standing at the edge over a pool of lava in the nether, but he did that because he figured it would be quick. He’d seen mobs in the nether die before and it was always quick. They fall into lava and are dead in seconds. This is a slow and painful death. Tommy clutches Wilbur’s old coat and wishes that Niki hadn’t taken his weird half cloak thing so Tommy had something to cover his ears with. His has long since lost feeling in his feet and hands, and his nose and ears seem to want to follow the precedent.

Tommy’s flirted with death before. It was when Dream had caught on how Tommy had wanted to die that he sat him down and started explaining to Tommy different types of deaths. Back then Tommy thought maybe Dream was just looking out for him, looking back he’s not so sure. Between the different types of poisons you could accidentally ingest and drowning, Dream told Tommy about hypothermia and frostbite. Back then Tommy wanted to scoff, it rarely snowed in Logsted, and when it did it barely counted as snow, disappearing in 20 minutes or less. Now he wished he’d listened to his friend Dream. All he could remember was that when his limbs started to turn black he’d have to cut them off, he couldn’t remember anything else Dream told him.

Tommy’s flirted with death before, he’s met her as well, first when he lost his life to Dream in the final control room, and again when he lost the duel for L’manberg. Death itself wasn’t cruel, she had a kind face and smelled how Tommy imagined how a mother would smell, it was the dying part that was cruel. Feeling a weapon tear into your body and realize that there was no way you were getting it out of yourself without dying was horrific. Tommy thinks that he’d rather relive (redie?) one of his other deaths compared to this one. Dream didn’t miss, so at least it would be over quickly, one swing of his sword, or one arrow.

Tommy’s flirted with death before. And he’s long since stopped fearing her. He’s certain when she’ll come and take him for the last time she’ll be kind like Dream. But as he squints into the snowy tundra he can’t help but wonder if she’s pulling a prank on him. He thinks that he should’ve died long ago. He’s been shivering non stop and was barely continuing on his journey, not to mention his hallucinations have returned.

Tommy’s flirted with death before. But he’s never truly died. Wilbur has died, Schlatt has died, Mexican Dream has died, but not Tommy. It’s a small difference, but an important one. However though, upon first seeing the cottage in the distance, he’s certain he’s truly died. Anyone who’d build a house so far out from civilization would need to be incredibly certain they couldn’t die and/or need to be avoiding someone …oh.

Tommy’s flirted with death before, so as he makes his way towards the cottage in the middle of the tundra he weighs his opportunities. Opportunity one, he turns away from the cottage and instead heads out into the blizzard, high chances of death, and as much as Tommy wants to die, if he really wanted to that badly he would’ve walked into the ocean surrounding Logsted. Opportunity two, he heads to the cottage to find that it belongs to Techno, he asks for help but instead Techno yells about some greek guy before leaving Tommy to die out in the Arctic, seems pretty likely all things considered. Opportunity three, Techno lives here and takes Tommy in, no questions asked, as if, Techno would be more likely to stop killing orphans. Opportunity four the house actually belongs to Dream, or really anybody else, and… Tommy doesn’t continue thinking about what could happen if that was true. Instead he pulls himself up the steps and upon reaching the door he lifts his hand up and pauses.

Tommy’s flirted with death before, so he knows to be skeptical of this house, but it’s die out in the tundra, or die in the cottage, and the cottage seems to have a fireplace going, based on what Tommy could see through the windows. Even still, knocking on the door and giving away the fact that he is here is stupid, so instead he turns the door handle as quitely as he can and pushes it open slowly. As he opens the door he looks inside the room, it’s a living room of some kind, and there appears to be an enderman sitting in a boat near the fireplace-the fireplace. Tommy slowly pushes himself through the opening he’s made and closes the door before walking up to the fireplace and extending his arms and hands towards it.

Tommy’s flirted with death before, so as soon as he’s regained some feeling in his feet and hands he stands back up. He knows Techno lives here, it’s obvious with the giant “Subscribe to Technoblade” poster up on the wall next to him, so Tommy knows not to actively seek out the owner of the house, however looting chests is a different story if done correctly. Upon opening one of the chests nearby he finds a stray healing potion, Tommy uncorks in and downs it in one go, pulling a face at the aftertaste. He can feel the effects starting to set in, so he turns to go down the ladder he noticed. Climbing down Tommy is face to face with a wall of chests, and he grabs a few more potions along with some tools, armor, and other essentials. One more level down and he’s in what appears to be an animal pen, the final level seems to be dedicated to villagers. Climbing back up to the animal pen Tommy eats a golden apple and thinks about his next move.

Tommy’s flirted with death before, so he knows what the essentials are to live. He’ll need a source for warmth, a bed, food, water, and preferably a place to put the prime log and the prime bell, all out of Techno’s point of view. So after finishing his gapple he picks up the pick axe he got and walks over to the side opposite the entrance to the villagers and starts mining his own little hide out under Techno’s base. It’s not until he’s made a little room for himself and sealed it up so Techno can’t find it that it really sinks in for Tommy and he nearly passes out from the exhaustion of running away and the energy he needed to avoid death once again.

Tommy’s flirted with death before, and he’s certain he’ll flirt with death at least once more before he leaves this world for the final time.

+1

“Stop it! Dream! Please! Stop-”

Someone put a hand on Tommy’s forearm and pushed it down from where it was covering his face causing him to cut his sentence off short. Tommy let them, still in shock of what was happening - what had just happened? Tommy opened his eyes, expecting to see Dream leaning over him blocking his view of the prison cell, instead all he saw was a great black void that seemed to extend upwards endlessly. His entire body was aching from the beating that had just ensued but Tommy pushed himself out and up of the fetal position he’d taken in an attempt to protect himself much to the dismay of his injuries and the person next to him.

“Yeah, that’s gonna hurt,” they said in an all too familiar voice trying to gently get him into a sitting position slow enough that it wouldn’t aggravate the injuries too much. However, upon hearing the voice all caution was thrown to the wind and Tommy pulled himself away and turned to face the person that sat next to him, terrified, worried, relieved, happy, sad, angry, disappointed, confused upon sure enough seeing Wilbur kneeling next to him, hands extended and ready to help him.

Wilbur was entirely grey, save for the wound on his chest that was bleeding a vibrant blue and looking down Tommy saw that he was grey too excluding the bright red blood that was trickling down from his cuts. Looking back up he made eye contact with Wilbur who gave him a sad smile. He stood up slowly and extended one of his hands while the other went into his pocket. Tommy looked at his hand for a few seconds before grabbing it and pulling himself up with more than a few curse words muttered. Wilbur laughed all sad like before pulling away his hand and motioning to the blackness in front of them.

“TommyInnit, welcome to the Void.”

Tommy squinted into the Void, he could see some shapes far off in the distance, but he couldn’t tell who or what they were yet. So instead he turned to Wilbur who was also staring into the Void.

“Is…” Is it true? Is it over? Is this real? Is this a dream? Is this a nightmare? “Is it going to be okay?”

Wilbur took in a deep breath, thinking for a second, minute, hour, year, how long was it before- “I don’t know, I don’t know a lot of things, but what I do know is that I’m Wilbur Soot, you’re TommyInnit, and we’re both dead.”

“Oh,” Tommy didn’t know quite what to say, he had so many close brushes with death that he almost forgot he could properly die, and yet, here he was, standing it what he assumed was the afterlife, dead. It wasn’t quite what he imagined it would be. Everything was blurry as if they were all painted with watercolors excluding Tommy’s red and Wilbur’s blue which stood out sharply in contrast to the rest of the muted greyscale world.

“Yeah,” Wilbur said, he seemed both better and worse than when he was alive. He was bleeding out of his chest and the eye bags still hadn’t left his face, but he had a content sort of energy around him, different from the paranoid one that followed him around back in Pogtopia. “Come on,” He started walking towards the shapes in the distance, motioning to Tommy for him to follow. “meet everyone else.”

“Everyone else?” Tommy questioned.

“Yeah, everyone who lived and died on this server is here. You, me, Schlatt, all of the pets who’ve died, this weird knock off Dream-”

“Mexican Dream is here?” Wilbur turned to face Tommy who actually looked alive - or as alive as one could get while being dead - for the first time since Wilbur had last seen him standing in the rubble of what had once been L’manberg. His hair was longer now, his shirt had more sewn on patches, and his eye bags could rival Wilbur’s, and yet, at the mention of Mexican Dream he had transformed back into the bright eyed leader of Business Bay.

“Yeah, at least that’s what he calls him...self,” Tommy had run off towards the people in the distance screaming for Mexican Dream, leaving Wilbur behind. Wilbur felt his face split into a small smile at watching his right hand man, his friend, his brother, Tommy running off towards the others in the distance. He let out a chuckle before starting to jog after Tommy, calling out to him to wait up.

[goldenhydreigon47]

Y'know, I'm bored. May as well talk about the OCs I have for Rebel Hearts.

Aight so context: Rebel Hearts is based on the Terraria Calamity mod and is set after the Supreme Calamitas fight (Henceforth, I shall refer to Calamitas as Cal, Catastrophe as Cat, and Devourer of Gods as Dev. Why? Because that's what they prefer to be called in the story) but before the Yharim fight. Why? Well, simple: The Yharim and Draedon fights aren't in the game yet.

Please note, the only characters original to Calamity mod involved in this story are Cal, Cat, Cataclysm (the youngest of the siblings of themself, Cal, and Cat. I'll make another post about these three and Dev since I like all four of them so much), Dev, Xeroc, Noxus, Ignalius, Providence, Yharim, Yharon, and Draedon. Everyone else is a fully original character. So, uh, yeah. Here we go!

First up is the main character: Mariko Yamamoto (he/him or they/them pronouns). He's half human and half demon and boyfriends with Cataclysm in the story. Mariko's in the Mage class but specializes particularly in ice magic. His father, who was a thief and murderer who also did quite atrocious things I don't feel comfortable mentioning on here, was killed in front of Mariko when he was only 5 years old. His mother, depressed at the loss of her husband, tragically took her own life a few weeks later. Mariko was trained in combat, education, and life skills by his brother, Kronus, until Mariko was 16. A few weeks later, Yharim came along, bringing a then brainwashed Dev and Cal with him, and demolished Mariko's entire hometown, his brother sacrificing himself to save his life. Mariko, determined to save people, guided everyone to the exits while warding off Cal, who was less aggressive seeing how noble and polite Mariko was. Afterwards, Mariko literally dies from exhaustion, but is revived by Xeroc, who mentioned that his brother's dying wish was to, "Keep Mariko safe," or something along those lines and gives Mariko temporary immortality. Three years and three hundred and sixty deaths later, he defeats Cal and her brothers, but spares their lives, knowing that they don't want to live under Yharim. Months later (and additional fifty deaths, one of which caused by a backstab from Mariko's ex-ally Necro. Also, Mariko is 20 by now), Mariko is kidnapped by Yharim and tortured, causing him to die ten more times. However, as he was chained up, Mariko saw remorse in Cal's eyes, and decided to free her himself since her brothers had escaped already. Three months later, he encounters an escaping Cal and Dev and togther, with Cal's brothers, they form an alliance to defeat Yharim, with others joining later on. Speaking of which...

Akira Tadashi (they/them) is the next major OC to join Mariko's alliance. They were a vigilante Rogue class after Yharim burned down their hometown with Yharon when Akira was 15. This, along with constant abuse from his father because of Akira's feminine looks, caused immense trauma and PTSD for Akira. As a vigilante, they sometimes encountered and helped Mariko, with Akira never saying their actual name to Mariko. Upon encountering Mariko, Cal, Cat, Cataclysm, and Dev, Mariko and Akira have a friendly duel to test each other's strength and, after Mariko wins, Akira quickly joins them in their quest to eliminate Yharim (they are 19 during the story).

Next is Josephine Joachim (she/her), or Jojo as she prefers. Raised in the village of Erupis, she is from a long line of Summoners and gained her Stardust Guardian, which she dubbed 「Guns and Roses」 (yes, this is the character most of the Jojo's Bizarre Adventure references are going to) after an encounter with Yharim when she was 14 (she's 18 in the story). Upon meeting Mariko and Cal, she offers to take the team to her hometown but tragedy strikes as her mother is killed in front of her by Draedon and his new assistant, Sunork (keep that name in mind when I give the villains analysis later this week 😉). As she watched her mother die in her arms, she realized her true purpose: Defeat Yharim and free those trembling in fear from his tyranny.

Also, Yhagrim (he/him). Labelled as the "Hermit of the Mountains," most details about him are unknown minus his age (he's 27). After being discovered by Mariko, Yhagrim explains that, in fact, he is the youngest of the sibling trio of himself, Ignalius, and Yharim (Yharim is also related to Mariko but we'll get to that in the villain info). Upon their village trying to kill Yharim for trying to obtain power with dirty deeds, Yharim goes mental and destroys the village, including killing Ignalius. When he saw his brother, Yhagrim noticed Yharim stole the dragon egg that he was given by his parents at age 13 (this egg hatches to become Yharon). Yharim then quickly takes over a majority of the world and banished Yhagrim, erasing his name from all records as well as any info about him. When asked if he wanted to join Mariko's squad, Yhagrim initially declines, but joins after hearing about some of what Yharim did to his subjects (trust me it isn't pretty. Btw, Yhagrim's Joining arc isn't complete yet but it goes DEEPLY in depth into Yharim's childhood and family life. This is just a summary). Being an expert at Melee class attacks, Yhagrim can dual wield two of the Melee's best weapons: Nanoblack Reaper and Triactis' True Paladinian Mage Hammer of Might, so don't cross him.

And finally for the main cast out of the OCs I made, Drakonis Tremaine (she/her or they/them). While this Ranger class hasn't joined Mariko's group yet, her arc is after Yhagrim's so its very soon (she even forms a love relationship with Jojo). However, I wanted to mention her here because, what the hell, I mentioned everyone else, may as well talk about her. She is notably the edgiest and angriest of the group (only getting slightly less edgy during the story might I add) and is very reckless. How this came to be? Well, as a child, she grew up around a very conservative community she didn't really care for, despite how rich her parents were. This hatred only grew as she slowly started to become more comfortable with saying she was trans feminine and lesbian. However, upon coming out to her parents, they screamed at her and abused her for several months because bastards. If that wasn't enough, because her parents were high standing citizens in her city, many of the other bigots living there harassed, bullied, and even attacked her with intent to kill. All she wanted was to be accepted and validated, which she would later gain upon meeting Mariko's group, but her idiotic community wouldn't give her the acceptance or validity she needed (this entire bigoted community thing is based on my experience as a bisexual in the highly conservative state of Kentucky. I am not okay. Send help). So, eventually, her bottled up sadness, pain, and rage erupted and she genocided everyone in her town. This temper and dark side of her was sought out by mega bastard Yharim. However, Drakonis now lived by the ideal of, "Trust nobody, not even yourself, unless your desperate," so she outright refused to join Yharim, shooting him in the arm and nearly killing him, but he escaped because of Draedon's teleportation device. Many years later (she's 18 by now), she encounters Mariko and Cal, who offer her a spot on the team. With an annoyed and sarcastic tone, she again refuses, but some midnight talks with Jojo while the group is in Erupis and another major event that takes place during Drakonis' arc force her hand causing her to join.

Main Character OC Infodump completed. Infodump on Cal, her brothers, and Dev is next, then an infodump on the villains.

Hope you enjoyed this and I'll post excerpts from the story (currently in Yhagrim's arc) soon to show what happens during each arc (which range from two to twenty five sections). : )

[diafriend]

This isn’t going to mean much to a lot of people since I’m going to be mentioning three different series, but I think looking at Phos, Emiya Shirou, and Tachibana Hibiki side by side is an interesting way to compare how each of them were able to handle their incredibly self-sacrificial ideals and why each one turned out very differently because of it.

Each character is pretty similar in their goals to save everyone at the risk of themselves. Shirou outright says this is his ideal, to be a hero that can save everyone and that he sees every life as more important than his and would let himself die to save someone he doesn’t even know.

Hibiki very, very similar to Shirou because even though she doesn’t use the same words he does, she definitely follows the same path. Both hers and Shirou’s ideals manifested from their immense survivor’s guilt since both of them were the sole survivors of immense tragedies. When told that Hibiki needed to stop using her Symphogear because the Gungnir shard inside her was killing her, she refused to stand on the sidelines when people were in danger despite everyone begging her to respect her own life more.

Phos is definitely at a different extreme than the others but that’s because of the incredibly unique structure of gem society and the already sacrificial nature of gem combat since they believe they can just be repaired if broken. However, Phos has shown so little regard for their own wellbeing that it frightens the other gems. They were so uninterested in their own survival at one point that Ghost Quartz effectively died as a result (unfortunately backfiring from Phos’s plan to save the gems).

If I were to rank how each character was able to handle the burden of their ideals, I would say that Hibiki had it the easiest while Phos struggles the most. After surviving the Noise massacre, Hibiki suffered a lot from bullying and death threats and being turned into a scapegoat by those who had lost loved ones in the tragedy. It was an important part of her life that cemented her survivor’s guilt and convinced her that her life was less important than those around her and that the only reason she’s still alive is so that she can give it up for someone else’s safety. The furthest this has been taken was the aforementioned willingness to continue using her Symphogear even as it whittled away at her life. The only reason her ideal didn’t kill her was because of the large support group she had with her. She had a team of comrades who were there to help her stay grounded in reality and find a way to get the Gungnir shard out of her. Most importantly she had Miku, her girlfriend best friend who gave her a reason to keep living and fighting.

Shirou had different degrees of success throughout the three routes of Fate/stay night. In the Fate route he had it the easiest because his ideals weren’t challenged that hard, he had Rin and Saber there to try and deter him from doing anything too stupid, and whenever he would put himself in a life threatening situation, Avalon would heal him pretty quickly so he never really lost anything. In Unlimited Blade Works, he struggled more because his ideals were what drove Archer to try and kill him. His beliefs were challenged more directly, he lost Saber along the way (which also meant Avalon would no longer heal him) and could really only rely on Rin. He would also constantly put his body at risk of burning out due to his insistence on using projection magic. However, everything was worse for him in Heaven’s Feel. He ended up losing his Servant almost immediately (again, that means no more Avalon), his arm was severed and replaced with one that if used would kill him, and ultimately *Heaven’s Feel part 3 spoiler*. He had to accept that he couldn’t save everyone if he wanted to save the one person who mattered.

Now it feels almost cruel to compare Phos to them because Phos isn’t even human. Phos comes from a society that doesn’t respect life and seems to almost exclusively think about survival and fighting. Phos also subscribed to that mindset until Antarc died. Phos was already pretty self-sacrificial because they, like other gems, acts recklessly since getting shattered means they just have to be repaired by Rutile. Yet, they were still unique. Phos sacrificing their body throughout the series made some characters see them as kind of a monster because having that little regard for one’s own well-being was abnormal even to gems. Phos’s mental state continues to deteriorate as a new companion is sacrificed for Phos’s search for purpose, the truth of gems and Lunarians, and a way to end the gem-Lunarian conflict. Every time Phos finds someone to help keep them on the right past, they’re taken away. Antarc, Ghost Quartz, Cairngorm, and now even Cinnabar opposes them. Almost everyone is hostile towards Phos now and that just caused them to break. What once was a mission to save their brethren has turned into one to destroy them.

I like thinking about why Hibiki was able to sustain her desire to save everyone, how Shirou was forced to confront his ideals, and the possible future of Phos’s destroyed mental state of burdening themself with the future of all of gem and Lunarian society.

[aspoonofsugar]

Do you think like hange's death was needed for armin to grow , levi might die for mikasa to step up? When levi got hurt during female titan arc, she made sure that she was doing her best to assist humanity in bringing down the female titan. So, could that be her final push or do you see levi surviving this? I expected mikasa and kiyomi to talk but that didn't happen, now I am just hopeful for an ackertalk but based on how fast things are going I don't know anymore.

Beside the fact Levi wanted to respect Hanji sacrificing themself what do you think of the people's statement that says this ruins their development because Levi just let them go without even attempting to stop them? Also wanted to ask u thins regarding the same statement it's because levi's personal feelings towards erwin and he's just done with even trying to hope for the best so they simply let Hanji go. I'd like to read your interpretation.

(I've already asked this from someone else but I'd like to know your thoughts as well) Do u think Levi should've at least suggested they shouldn't use the commander as bait and use other characters just like he did back in Shinganshina? I understand Hanji didn't want anyone to stop them, but I've seen discussions of people saying Levi let Hanji go too easily and didn't even try in the slightest to stop them. Sometimes I feel like yams just wanted to get rid of the vets. Do you think so?

Hi! I've seen discussions criticizing Hanji's death, in particular how Levi and Jean could fight in their stead. It's clear Levi isn't even agile enough and they're not even sure of his combat abilities atm so it makes sense for him to stay behind. Although in the same statements it was brought up that he will have to fight Eren or Zeke eventually without having the strength so why not using it now so they could save Hanji? What do u think? I'd like to read ur opinion abt Jean too :)

I'm usually neutral to snk ships but gosh this "if it was Moblit he would've stopped Hanji from going to the battlefield" and "Levi didn't care much about Hanji's life so he let them go" is really getting out of hand in the fandom. I hold no grudge against HanjixMoblit, but this opinion is full of errors. Sorry for spamming you with this. I know you're not the biggest fan of shipping in the snk universe.

Hello anons,

I think that symbolically Hange’s death is because in this way the younger characters can grow. It is definately true that in real life one does not need to lose mentor/parental figures to become an adult. However, snk is a narrative and in stories it is common (even if it is not necessary) for mentor figures to die. This is mostly true for a story, which is full of war and violence like snk is.

In short, yes, I think that Hange’s death specifically was also so that Armin could be made commander and is so forced to grow up. Up until this point Armin has been incredibly passive and has refused to take care, so it makes sense that he loses the last person he can turn to to receive orders.

When it comes to Levi, him dying to motivate Mikasa instead is a possibility, since they are strong foils and parallels. As for now, I am on the fence. On one hand it would make sense for the last mentor figure to die. On the other hand Levi has not been playing a mentor role this arc and has received his personal focus with Zeke. That said, he can both die, so that the 104th must move on and solve his conflict with Zeke.

As far as how Hange’s death happens in story, I think it was handled decently. They are in an emergency and have very little time to decide what to do, so Hange acts as a commander and takes charge. They decide they are gonna sacrifice themselves for the others, so that there is still a chance to stop Eren. In a sense, they follow in Shadis and Magath’s footsteps. I mean, why did Magath stay and did not order someone else to stay in his stead? He was the commander of the Warriors just like Hange was the SC’s commander. Still, he chose to stay to redeem himself and the feeling I got while reading the chapter was that Hange felt something similar, but different.

In the chapter Hange aknowledges twice that they could not offer any alternative to the POVs and plans they disagreed with (Yelena’s and Floch’s). Still, they decided not to give up and to take responsibility in some way. I feel that this is why they decide to go. They wanna act as a leader and save their comrades.

As far as to why Hange is the one, who goes instead of Armin and Reiner, Hange states that they can’t afford to lose titan shifters at this stage. Symbolically they stop two of the most self-sacrificial characters. Reiner and Armin are parallels because they both despise themselves and always search for a way to die heroically. However, the story keeps negating them this way out because they are asked not to run away passively, but to face life actively and to solve the conflict. Here, Hange negates them death once again. It is a part of a pattern.

When it comes to Levi and Jean, I think that, narratively speaking, they both have other conflicts to settle. It was not by chance that Jean is the one listening to Floche’s last words. He is probably going to somehow inherit them and to give them importance in the future. He will probably convey them in a more nuanced way compared to Floche’s. After all, Jean has always been the one more sympathetic to the Jeagerists and islanders’ reasons, even if he could not bring himself to side with them. Levi, as I have stated above, has a conflict to settle with Zeke.

In-story, I doubt Levi would have managed to buy enough time (he can barely stand). As far as Jean is concerned, I think that he and the others simply had very little time to elaborate things. Hange announced they would go and went without letting the 104th time to protest. There is also the fact that they are out of time and can’t start a discussion, not to consider Hange is their superior and they all look up to them and usually listen to them. Anyway, it is clear from the looks in their eyes that they are shocked.

Finally, the interaction between Levi and Hange shows that they clearly care about each other. All in all, Levi does the same thing he had done with Erwin aka respected his comrade’s wish to die as they want. In the chapter it is said that Hange has started talking like Erwin.

They too have started thinking about their dead comrades and how they would react and it is clear that they have been struggling with the role of commander. When they say goodbye to Levi, they even states they want to die on their own terms. This is basically what happened with Erwin. Erwin too wanted to die free and as himself and the point of the Serum Bowl was for Levi to realize it. Here, Levi is simply respecting Hange’s will.

There is also the fact that the characters are all leaving on a very dangerous mission and that they are not even sure they will survive and this is bound to influence their reaction to situations.

Thank you for the ask!

[beccaland]

I really enjoyed reading your meta on RTD's companions' relationships with the Doctor. I was wondering if you could explain your thoughts on River in another meta post? I hope you're having a lovely day!

Ooh, I have A LOT to say about River. Probably more than is reasonable for one post, which is partly why it took me so long to answer your ask! Certainly too long for a post without a readmore.

II’ll try to follow a similar format here as in that other meta about the RTD-era companions, by starting with a discussion of River’s character more-or-less separately from her relationship with the Doctor.

So, who is River anyway? She was genetically modified pre-natally and kidnapped at birth specifically to create a perfect assassin to kill the Doctor (see, keeping her character separate from the Doctor is a tiny bit tricky). From the glimpses we get of it, we know that the first decade or so of her life was horrific. Far more traumatic than anything any previous companion endured, both in terms of duration and severity. And she escaped it, largely by her own efforts. But there’s no question, River is damaged.

We don’t know how exactly she made it to Leadworth right around the turn of the millennium, but she managed to arrange it so she’d be raised, not so much by her parents as with them, in their orbit. And this part of her life is also mostly a blank: we know she was in trouble a lot at school and with the local constabulary, but we don’t know if that’s because of her early conditioning or if her foster situation was also bad or if she’s just her mother’s daughter. What we DO know is that Mels is an incredibly tough and deeply troubled person who is, despite her conditioning, trying and mostly succeeding to carve out a life on her own terms, and who has a warm and loving relationship with her parents (who are also her peers).

But fate catches up with her. She meets the man she’s been trained to kill, she does the deed (though not, it must be noted, in the way her puppetmasters planned), and then she changes her mind. She gives all her remaining lives to save him–because of the knowledge she’s gained of who he really is, but perhaps more importantly the glimpse she’s given of who she can become in the future if she chooses a different path. What she is shown here, in a really concrete way, is that she has a choice. Whatever her reasons, it’s an incredibly selfless act from a self-described psychopath. And then she goes off and becomes an archaeologist. Others have written better meta than I could about that particular career choice; suffice to say I don’t believe for a nanosecond that she did it to track down the Doctor and leave him ridiculous messages (that’s just a side benefit).

And then she gets taken prisoner again, used to kill the Doctor again, and once again finds a way to NOT do the thing that fate/Kovarian demands of her. And then she gets imprisoned again, and escapes whenever she wants, but always goes back. Beats paying rent, I guess? Or maybe part of her feels safer in prison while she figures out how to be River Song. Prison is familiar territory, after all.

After her sentence is commuted, she gets a full professorship and goes on more adventures of her own–some of them above-board archaeological expeditions and others, well, less above-board. One of the latter sort takes her to a 24-year-long night of domestic bliss, and one of the former sort leads to her sacrificing her life for 4022 people (and/or her husband). After which she’s saved to a data core for who knows how long and still manages find a way out for field trips.

So that’s River. Her relationship with the Doctor is mixed through her whole life, but contrary to some opinions, it never defines her life. Nor do Kovarian’s machinations. River’s life is defined by her finding a way to choose her own path despite the plans of others.

My feelings about River’s relationship to the Doctor are complicated. As they should be.

So, when River first shows up (from the Doctor’s perspective, which is our perspective) people kinda either loved her or hated her, and I’m not sure that first impression ever changed much for a lot of us.

Me, I loved her. I liked that she put the Doctor on his back foot. She was his equal in a way we hadn’t seen since Romana, but this was different. I could never imagine the Doctor and Romana in love (not even her second incarnation, despite all that flirting). But when Lux said they were “bickering like an old married couple” and River had That Look on her face, I felt thrilled. I never got over it.

To me, River seemed like the right sort of love interest for the Doctor: an equal, yes, but not a mirror image. Later on, while others became frustrated with the revelation that her entire life had been timey-wimey manipulated to kill the Doctor, I saw it differently. Yes, she was “born to kill the Doctor,” and yes, it took her until the last moment to choose something else. But that choice was of a piece with her other choices–her other refusals to conform to the script Kovarian had written for her. She was a kind of wild force. Wilder even than the Doctor themself, who, let’s be honest, is a pretty tame renegade. River cannot be contained or controlled. So the Doctor doesn’t try. Or least, not very much, and never successfully.

There are still problematic aspects to their relationship, of course. She nearly destroyed time itself because she couldn’t bear to stand helplessly in that spacesuit and watch him die without telling him what he meant, not just to her but to the universe. That gesture was very much about her feelings for him, but I can’t help thinking it was also strongly driven by her need to assert control of her own life to the greatest extent possible, most of all in that moment where she couldn’t prevent the thing she dreaded most and had been herded toward literally all her life. The Doctor was, understandably, really annoyed at her grand gesture, but also deeply touched. Enough to let her in on his secret (“look into my eye”), and enough to finally let her into his hearts, to stop running from her and what she would come to mean to him, even knowing how it would end. Not really a healthy dynamic, but at least they were aware of that fact and honest about it.

And then, sometimes they relied on each other too much. Because they respected each other’s strengths, they sometimes forgot their weaknesses, and forgot to be gentle and kind to each other. Because each secretly thinks of the other as sidekick, we get to see a fair amount of them annoying each other and getting in each other’s way. We don’t get to see much of their happy times, because she’s not a regular companion, so we usually drop in on her (or she on us) when the crisis is imminent, if not already underway. For that reason it’s hard to assess their relationship fairly; we get told about a lot of fluffy stuff we don’t see, like their dates on Asgard and at the last great Frost Fair. We just get schmoopy allusions to the good times from River, and I suspect that how persuasive you find those aspects of their relationship depends to a large degree on how you feel about Alex Kingston’s delivery. Similarly we only get hints about her life apart from the Doctor.

I think part of the reason I love them so much and ship them so faithfully is this: While on the one hand River’s character as we see her in the TV series is entirely bound up in her relationship to the Doctor, at the same time their stories–and their relationship–are always also about something else. As a couple, I always imagine them shoulder to shoulder, hands clasped and facing the danger together, rather than facing each other in a tender embrace, each with eyes only for the other (except that one time on that explodey starliner; that was awesome).

There’s other stuff I could say about her, and about her relationship dynamic with the Doctor based on her audios, but this answer is long enough, I think.