#and i love this for xiao hua especially because he has very few people who are genuine Friends i think

[qilingxiong]

*taps mic* hello can we talk about these two

[ilgaksu]

Headcanons that haven’t made it into a fic yet or that you’d love to elaborate more on for Hei Xiazi and Xiao Hua?

OHHHH I love this one so much and I'm not going to manage writing all of these out, so if anyone wants to ask this again in the future that might also be a sensible call, but for now:

Xiao Hua has a specific face he pulls when he sees someone he's previously slept with, and it's like a very subtle, self-satisfied, semi-amused micro-expression that once Hei Xiazi recognises, he realises the absolutely comedic level of frequency he sees it with. At an auction? The smirk. At some high-society event? The smirk. Billboard with a famous model in the city? The smirk. He finally says something when they're watching a drama and Xiao Hua does it at the second male lead, who is a currently rising star in the industry, and after that it does become a level of inside joke because Xiao Hua doesn't actually fully recognise he's doing it, despite his usual level of control over his face. Because: micro-expressions. Also, the men if they seem him usually aren't as subtle. Xiao Hua is not a nice person, is not kind to himself and was not to a lot of the people he slept with, and has genuinely broken some men's hearts and has never lost sleep over it.

(This is actually a headcanon I'll keep elaborating on - what I lovingly and reclaimingly call Xiao Hua's slut era. I deliberately did it to counter specific narratives about how we value romance higher for someone with no experience; how we pathologise trans sexuality and medicalise the trans body, simultaneously fetishising it while also rendering it into a public spectacle; how we in society still don't have an accepted and explicit language for the messy emotional experience of consensual but still Bad sex; about how deeply sexphobic that same society is and how nobody ends up in a position where we aren't reacting to that in some way, imo. I think it's fascinating to write a love story where Xiao Hua has limited experience with emotional intimacy around sex but a lot with sex itself, and where Hei Xiazi is the one who has had multiple profound loves over his life, but has far more issues around sex than he wants to admit - especially because I think it's very hard to not consider the fact that he was a queer man in the 20th century. Also, the 20th century had very different attitudes about sexuality than now, but also some more radical than now.)

Another headcanon I haven't written yet: Hei Xiazi calls himself Xie-furen when he's being sarcastic, after a while. He's well-liked by a lot of Xie Yuchen's staff, and there's definitely some of them that have called him that in private too.

And another: in my extended universe, which is what we've started calling it I guess? obviously it becomes pretty much an accepted open secret in Jiumen circles that Hei Xiazi and Xiao Hua are at least sleeping together, and it does mean that I want to write my headcanon that the Xie family did approach Hei Xiazi and try to pay him off to, uh, help them persuade Xiao Hua on some things. Also, some Jiumen generally also did that. It does not go well for anyone when that happens. Xie Yuchen tells him to just take the money and tell him what they're asking so he knows and stop protecting Xie Yuchen's honour. Hei Xiazi sulks. I am still undecided on how long it takes him to agree to the scam, or how long it takes for people to catch on he's scamming them.

Also: in my version of canon, Hei Xiazi has a ton of band t-shirts that people mistake for really good vintage finds, but he was actually at the original concerts and feels old when anyone refers to them as vintage.

I hope these are a good few for now, but I love this question so much and would love to answer more like this.

[spockandawe]

Hi....If you don't mind me asking, who are your favorite MXTX characters (top 5 from each novel)? And why? I'm sorry if you've answered this question before.

It’s absolutely no problem at all!! I don’t think I’ve been asked this before, but hey, I also have zero object permanence, so it keeps things fresh and new. And it’s interesting to see how my answers change over time! Lemme see, I think I’m going to go in reverse order, because I feel like then I’ll be doing the worst agonizing up front.

TGCF

Fifth favorite: YIN. YU. I know that he’s a minor character and him even making it onto the list is pretty solid performance, but I do feel guilty that he isn’t higher than this. He came out of nowhere in my first reading and punched me in the stomach with emotions. I find his sections so hard to read, and I was DEVASTATED when he died and BEYOND stoked to find out he was still alive in the extras. His story hurts so much! I am weak against characters who have relatively modest goals and still see them snatched away (see also: my next entry) and have to struggle on. I wish wish wish I had a way to see more of how he made his peace with things after being thrown out of heaven, and the nature of the (distant) relationship with Hua Cheng and what happens with Quan Yizhen now that he died in his arms, and still came back anyways, my god!

.

Fourth favorite:  He Xuannnnnn. I have a hard time articulating particulars, but. I love him a lot. I love a character with a grudge, with a deep, painful grudge, where the grudge is hurting him almost as much as it’s hurting the people around him, and setting the grudge aside would also hurt, and then what has any of this been for-- I've used this metaphor for other characters, but I don’t care if I’m overusing it, because I love it. He feels like a character caught in a thorn bush, where simply being there... hurts, but trying to escape or move in any ways is going to hurt worse, and there’s no path forward that doesn’t involve pain. And like... I don’t love the way he hurt Shi Qingxuan (who didn’t quite make this list adfasgdafsd I’M SORRY) but I wouldn’t have liked to see him swallow back down all that pain and set aside everything that happened to his family and fiancee either! I’m always, always soft for characters who have no good path forward and who grit their teeth and set out anyways.

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Third favorite: MU QING!!!!!!!!!! I have done... extensive screaming about him. And I love him veryvery much. I can already tell that this list is going to have a lot of mean boys on it, and like... no regrets. Especially since this is one of my FAVORITE flavors, an unapologetic mean boy who is rarely (but sometimes!) soft for the people around him, and who regularly tries to do decently by people, but who consistently gets shat upon and misunderstood and accused of acting in bad faith. I screamed when he and Xie Lian finally got to talk their friendship out in the book. I also screamed when I realized how immediately after Xie Lian’s return he started looking out for him again, and how sincerely, despite his horrible attitude about it. I still want to write more fic for him so badly. I love him so much.

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Second favorite: Xie Lian! What a good boy! The best boy! He’s so sweet and gentle, but also the best fightboy this world has ever seen, and also so gently snarky with the people he loves! I just... really love me some traumatized characters who have trouble recognizing that they can be Loved, and I’m not going to write this whole essay right now, but I think in some ways, he’s the most... passive about his romance, out of all the leads? Shen Qingqiu is aggressively oblivious, but Xie Lian kind of gently shrugs off the idea that he might be Hua Cheng’s special someone, until he finally gets hit with the cluestick. I generally shy away from the idea of a character “earning” love, but he’s maybe the mxtx character who moves me most with ‘you deserve to be loved’

.

Most favorite: Hua Cheng. HUA CHENG. Oh my god, gotta love this boy. Gotta love this devotion. I love a mean boy who is soft for one person, and he EMBODIES it. I mean, I love Shen Jiu, but he barely manages to do the soft thing at all, while Hua Cheng is over here like ‘if I could only be the stone beneath your feet--’ It’s hard to talk about him separately from Xie Lian, because they’re a unit in my head more than just about any other characters on this list are. I don’t want to get this list to get out of control, so I’m not going to scream for too long, but... I could just watch him go forever. I want to write him forever, and that’s a huge aspect of what draws me to some characters.

MDZS

Oh god, I think I lied, I think this book is going to be hardest. Making these choices is AGONIZING.

Fifth favorite: .....Lan Wangji. Oh god, I feel bad about how low he is. But this story is just packed SO full of wonderful characters, and I’m already consumed with guilt over all the characters who aren’t going to make it. I don’t love them less! But my love for characters in this particular story is very evenly distributed. And I think that Wang Yibo’s acting is possibly scoring points with me that the book might not have earned all by itself. Microexpressions and subtle body language add SO MUCH to a character with such flat affect, and I would be drawn to such a closed-off character anyways, but it really helps. And I love, like... the combined subtlety and intensity of his relationships. It’s not that subtle once you know what to look for, and the brother/sworn brother network makes for varying degrees of how much other characters understand of the things he chooses not to explicitly express, and it gives a really interesting character to the way he interacts with the people around him. Also, love me a man with intense separation anxiety.

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Fourth favorite: Jiang Yanli? I think it has to be Jiang Yanli, but these rankings are hard. So. I just talked about how much I enjoy the flat affect and closed off nature of Lan Wangji? Well, guess what, I also love it when m’girl is just very GENUINELY AND OPENLY an absolute sweetheart of a person, and I love the contrast between her genuinely kind nature and the uncomfortable pressure that her family’s dynamics put on her to start parenting at a very young age. It’s not necessarily a happy situation, but she adores her brothers so much and they adore her so much! And it’s... a very understated element of the story, but after her parents died, her baby brothers went off to war, and one wreaked havoc as a straightforward commander and one of them disappeared for months and returned as a creepy-ass zombie puppeteer. And she STILL dotes on them like before, despite knowing what they’re capable of. Like, yes, Wei Wuxian just raised an army of corpses and forced a man to eat himself, but I shall still boop him on the nose and feed him Soup. How can I not adore energy like that?

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Third favorite: Wei Wuxian, I think. I do adore him a lot. He gives me some of the same vibes that make me ache most with Xie Lian, where he is trying his best, and is struggling to hold on in the face of lots of suffering, and I find it really interesting that when the suffering peaked, Xie Lian was forced go on because he couldn’t die, while Wei Wuxian... expired. That line about ‘he thought that no matter how large the world was, there was still no place for him’ always sticks with me, and hurts me deeply. Xie Lian had most of his personal attachments stripped away, and was left to wander on his own, while Wei Wuxian still had a number of strong connections left, but abruptly exited life. And that informs their respective trauma so interestingly! The way Wei Wuxian bounces between high energy chaos and drained exhaustion is really fascinating to me, and was the thread that held me attached to the book through a very confusing beginning. And I’m still very drawn to how intensely he loves, whether it’s Xiao Zhan’s fantastic acting, or it’s him busting out with how much he wants Lan Wangji in the middle of the Guanyin Temple scene. He’s a fantastic character, honestly, I don’t think such a convoluted book would have held together very well without a protagonist this strong.

.

Second favorite: Xue Yang :X Look, he’s a good boy and I love him. Who among us hasn’t done a few mass murders that we are completely unrepentant about, but that we would really like to keep hidden from our current boyfriend, actually? Anyways, as always, love me an angry boy who makes terrible decisions for understandable reasons. And I do love a character who is consumed by agonized ragrets (see my next entry), but I DO also love me a character who has no regrets at all and doesn’t even have much interest in trying to justify himself to anyone else around him. Just look at that confidence! Look at him go!!

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Most favorite: Jiang... Cheng....... I knew he and Xue Yang were going to be at the top, but those were the only parts of this list that were easy. I mean. Love a self-sabotaging angryboy who is also super super sad and keeps hurting himself in his own confusion. And while I love the romantic thread in all of the mxtx books, the agonized family thread in mdzs is one of my favorite parts, and something that I don’t really see echoed in any of the other stories. I need ten million jc+wwx reconciliations, at LEAST. He’s so sad! And so angry! And I want to see him becoming less of that thing, and for Jin Ling and Wei Wuxian to demonstrate very firmly how much they love him, because they do. I am invested in his happiness in a way that goes far and beyond any of the other non-main characters, haha

SVSSS

Fifth favorite: Tianlang-jun. I think? Oh god, but moshang. THIS IS REALLY HARD, I HATE THIS ;-; But especially since writing my fic, Tianlang-jun has really won me over. And like, he already hurt me good in the novel, just thinking about how he was an innocent young guy, just! Trying to have a girlfriend! And instead got trapped in sensory deprivation, body-rotting-hell for twenty years, when he didn’t do anything wrong!!! He suffered, so much! And I live for his intensely strained relationship with Luo Binghe, because it’s! Perfectly understandable and painful, from both of their perspectives! And he wants to hate humans so badly, but in the end, when he’s told that Su Xiyan never betrayed him, he starts helplessly asking the people around him, ‘really? is it really true?’ and then in the end he loses the only family member he has left who cares about him, and it’s just! Everything is terrible! I have a su xiyan au brewing in my head because I can’t stand it! Someone just give this man a loving partner!!!

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Fourth favorite: Shen Qingqiu. But... moshang??? Goddammit. Anyways, this dumbass. I find him so endearing, in his dumbassery. I sometimes get a bit frustrated with Wei Wuxian for being oblivious, and Shen Qingqiu is just asking for me to react the same way, but I... don’t, for the most part? Because he thinks he has good information, and he’s slow to react to a changing playing field, and I still haven’t read another transmigration novel that strikes the same balance of hypercompetence and intense incompetence :ppp It’s a funny book, and he’s a funny character! And I really vibe with him, in most parts of the story, which covers a pretty darn wide emotional spectrum. Plus, the running internal commentary is choice.

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Third favorite: Liu Qingge. Look, I’m a woman of simple needs, and sometimes I just need a high-quality fightboy who clearly cares deeply and is absolute garbage at expressing his emotions. I can’t articulate it much better than that. I absolutely howl at the succubus extra, when Shen Qingqiu is talking to Madam Meiyin about his future partner, and Liu Qingge is like ‘oh my god, sHE IS CLEARLY DESCRIBING ME’ and Shen Qingqiu is like ‘haha, liu-shidi, i thought you thought this was stuupidddddddd’. They’re both so dumb. I love them so much. But stupidity plus war god fighting energy has a narrow lead over stupidity and internal commentary track.

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Second favorite: SHEN JIU. GOD. I’m still arguing with myself over whether he should go first, but Luo Binghe hurts me consistently through the whole entire story, so I think he wins. Shen Jiu just stabs me in the heart at strategic moments. This is it. My ideal mean boy who is soft for one (1) person, and who BOTH does unconscionable things for terrible reasons (someone just. give him a pile of girls to teach, it will be much more pleasant for everyone involved), and who ALSO gets blamed for things he didn’t do even when he tries to act in good faith. It is the best of all painful worlds. And even at the end, when he has a powerful person who wants desperately to protect him, he still tries his hardest to shove that person away, to keep him safe. I’ve got like four aus where he gets to live. I’m so invested in this character, I love him so much.

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Most favorite: Luo Binghe. He was.... made for me............ Like, the overwhelming amounts of childhood angst were baked in by Shang Qinghua, but the in-story pain and suffering is PRECISELY my jam. I love a character with separation anxiety! I love a character with massive anxieties over being unwanted! Over nobody ever, EVER just choosing him! I love a character struggling with the idea that the person he loves most in the world thinks that he’s intrinsically Disgusting! I love the kind of stubborn determination that leads him to preserve a corpse for five years, desperately hoping for a way to revive it, constantly cooking fresh food, in case, in case he someday wakes up. The way Hua Cheng loves is overpowering, but he’s had time to like... learn to be mellow when he needs to be. Luo Binghe doesn’t have a chill bone in his body, and if he’s acting chill, it’s probably because he’s done some mental math and decided that being more clingy right now will probably get him pushed away harder. I love the combination of manipulative tendencies and a very, very genuine fear of rejection and being unwanted. There is nothing I don’t love about Luo Binghe, including his worst decisions. I love him so so much.

[accio-victuuri]

People I “wanna talk to” RE: BJYX. (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)

Disclaimer: I don’t plan on harassing any of the people mentioned on this post. Everything is speculation only. CPN.

I don’t wanna make it too long so I’ll just give one example (minimum) that made me 👀 with these people. But when it came to DLS, I had no control. This became a DLS exposes Web pretty fast. 😂

I had so much fun compiling this! Hope you do too!

* TTXS Bros 

Web’s support system and bros that are always right behind him. I’m so happy that Web has people like them to look out for him and give him advise, especially his Han ge. Add the fact that he first met GG in TTXS and they were all there to witness it. If there is anyone that knows what’s going on, my money is on them. Plus, they will never say anything. Han ge is always there to support Web, he was even there on SDOC3 finals. One day, I’ll make an appreciation post for them. 

IN GENERAL, I wanna ask about the cloud episodes during the lockdown. If anyone knows if GG was there— they should. Plus the post from their Weibo account when GG returned on 2019. It’s probably a staff who manages it, but the fact they said “brings him home” like GG meeting Web’s family ( TTXS). 🥺

Also this video:  https://youtu.be/0Zh5ulj6QtE  Go ahead and watch Web get roasted by his bros.

1. Han ge (Wang Han)- He is very subtle with his support and I’m sure if someone asks him, He’ll never tell anything personal about Web. One thing is how different he asks Web about relationship post-CQL. For example this video, where there is a single girl and Han ge does not point to Web as a match.

2. Feng ge -  Web’s favorite who always makes him laugh. Who can forget this line he said in the BJYX TTXS episode? This is after a kid said Web is beautiful.

3. DLS  -  oh! Where do I start? I can make a laundry list but here are a few that stands out:

* this one happened fairly recently, when he drew a mole on a doll presented to them. Why put a mole? and why the same spot at GG’s? He proceeds to show this to Web.

* the look on his face when GG was there and they were playing that game. Oh Lord!!!!! This episode was a riot. DLS+ Feng ge.

* When Feng ge was saying he will form a duo with Web, he started with “Yi-“ but DLS chanted “zhan zhan” Yizhan. https://mobile.twitter.com/ventus1821/status/1279901438034866176

* Web was asked what song describes him and he answers Cool Guy. This song was made by DLS for Web. However, DLS says he thought Web will answer a different song. Which is ‘The brightest star in the night sky.’. Why a star DLS? Do we know someone who says Web is his star? HINT: Xiao Sun

* Web said he sends his clothes home which is very 👀 cause he hasn’t been home since forever ( home meaning with his parents ). DLS comes to the rescue and jokes that his parents are cool and wears his clothes. But we all know who dresses the same as he does now. watch video. 

* THIS ONE! I’M CACKLING!!!!!! The look on Web’s face, you know DLS said the truth and he’s embarrassed. DLS was quick to save him tho and say that it’s his parents who were supposed to come. watch video. 

* Back in 2017, I like to think that DLS was making cues in teasing GG cause he knows Web likes him. You can also see GG interacting with DLS.

Okay, I have to stop talking about DLS. Now onto the other people.

* Xiao Jie

Mr. Don’t say so much + someone who makes Web laugh is a contestant in SDOC3. He is from Web’s team and is known to do antics/jokes in his performances. In true Web fashion, once he likes someone, he consistently stays close to them. So this one starts when people noticed he followed xz studio weibo, however proceeded to unfollow it because of hate messages probably.

He also liked a video of GG wearing bunny ears. Then on SDOC performance, Web’s team danced with bunny ears. When asked, they said Xiao Jie suggested this in their chat group. Referencing macho bunny. Who is the macho bunny? Ehem.

So why the hell would Xiao Jie follow his studio and like an interview? They don’t run in the same circle that we know of. They have one person in common tho, Wang Yibis. Add the fake rumors that GG was seen in and around SDOC taping, then this makes more sense.

* Zhao Li ying 

Is a chinese actress that is cast alongside Web in the drama Legend of Fei. The pictures say it all. The way she looks at GG, assessing him and all. GIRL, what do you know? What did Wang Yibis say about him? I love the protective jiejie vibes right here.

* Liu Haikuan 

He was there with GG and Web when they all stayed at a different hotel from the rest of the crew. So 👀 what do you know Ge? What happened? Was it fun? 🔪 Back in the day, during filming CQL in Guizhou, they stayed at a different place and some bxgs visited it. The place is pretty far away from the city and not much places to get food from for delivery. They stayed there as it’s close from the filming site.

And oh plus this. Look at LHK’s face.  

* BAH /Being A Hero crew 

This is me just being Delulu, but hear me out cause the evidence compelling. Especially for clowns like me. My love for this crew started because of the fake rumor that GG visited this set during the 2020 dragon boat festival + made zongzi for the cast. Also, the very fake engagement fanfic story allegedly took place here. This started with GG’s post and the background being compared to one of Web’s cast-mate, Wang Hao Xuan.

What gets me is the caption saying, “stuff that happens at work is a secret”. / “someone became super talkative while eating zongzi” What? Why? Who do we know is quiet but becomes really talkative when with his GG? WANG YIBIS.

Post-shoot, The director attended SDOC 3 finals too! To support Web. Plus Web’s message for the wrap was sweet. I felt like they really took care of him and will not say anything that will bring him down.

*Du Hua and Long Danni 

their respective bosses. GG may have his own studio, but it’s still under Wajijiwa. Web’s contract on the other hand will expire on 2022. If there is anyone who KNOWS that going on, it’s these two. If anything goes wrong or whatever contigency plans they have, It’s safe to assume these women are in on it.

instance that had me 💀.

Du Hua talking to GG during the infamous weibo night - https://mobile.twitter.com/yiboitz/status/1215991590071820288

I wanna know what they talked about. It’s not too long and it doesn’t look that serious? But- Hello? What?

Long Danni? Well I just hope Web gives her the death stare when he can. Lol. ( we know he won’t cause he’s very respectful to seniors, but still. )

*CQL Crew 

To be part of that chaotic summer, oh what joy! Many of the fansites who shared BTS and stories are crew members who turned BXG. Also remember the 49 fake candies that were posted back in 2018 were from crew members. I wonder how many more unseen photos and videos are out there that may never be released.

* Yixing/Lay  

Only because he’s the bridge right now. Or that’s what we think. He is friends with the boys and clearly knows what’s it like to live in the public eye and how to keep secrets. Recently, he was with Web in SDOC3 as a captain too. Plus, more recently, he and GG followed each other on Douyin. Yixing is the only one GG follows on Douyin aside from XZ studio.

Ummm. And, Yixing follows Web on Douyin too.

Our boys also recorded a video wishing Yixing’s new company success! A video featuring our boys? Wow! Yixing! Give us more! 😂

* Lin Hai 

I’ll just refer you to the posts below. This man is something else. There is a reason why he said “love” when asked what his inspiration was in composing music for CQL.

link 1 | link 2

If you reached the end. Thank you. Feel free to add your “persons” on this list too. I wanna KNOW!

[humanlighthouse]

Oh my gosh ilu 🥺🥺🥺

So... Heihua prompts

What about role inversion? Xiao Hua goes BAMF and rescues Xiazi OR Xiazi has a competency kink OR Yuchen finds and cares for Hei Yanjing when he’s ill.

Hello again darling <3 I hope this satisfies the prompt, I mostly went with the last part of it (and as usual, this is cross-posted on ao3 so don’t be surprised at the notification :p) Thanks!! <3

_________

There’s a flash of light and then a noise so loud it circles back to silence. 

Xie Yuchen is sitting by the entrance to his tent when the blast sends him rocketing off his seat. Beneath him, the ground trembles and groans like an earthquake is rocking their encampment. He isn’t far from the source of the explosion, but the dig site is quickly filling up with thick smoke and a chaos of voices and movements, and he wants to run but quickly discovers that standing is less easy than he expected. As he collapses backward again, his ears ring and his head pounds. 

With some effort, he manages to at least make it back to a sitting position and props an arm on the ground to try standing up again when he spots a long silhouette stumbling out of the smoke. 

Later medical reports will say that Hei Yanjing, real name unknown, has no less than five broken ribs, two on the left side and three on the right, a fractured clavicle and sprained wrist, split eyebrow, not to mention several deep lacerations on all but one of his limbs. 

Xie Yuchen knows none of this. What he knows is that Hei-ye is bleeding heavily as he collapses at his feet, and that his head must have been hit severely because the madman is smiling up at him. 

His hands leave crimson prints on Xie Yuchen’s clothes as he grabs at him, at his arms, at his shoulders, finally at his collar. Even through the fabric they’re cold as ice, and he is so pale under all the dust and blood, face white and lips blue - but before Xie Yuchen can register more or even move, Hei Xiazi’s hands have tugged on his jacket and brought their lips together. It’s a weak kiss that barely feels like one, a second-long press of Hei Xiazi’s mouth against his before a soft exhale brushes his cheek and the man falls unconscious.

Xie Yuchen’s arms go around him instinctively but he finds that he cannot move afterwards. Hei Xiazi still somehow sports a ghost of a smile on his face but he isn’t moving anymore and his glasses are broken. The shattered lense and bent metal are all that Xie Yuchen sees. Later, he will be told that he was in a deep state of shock, and at some later point in time, a therapist will confirm that his reaction was perfectly normal under the circumstances, but as he holds Hei Xiazi’s bleeding body, Xie Yuchen thinks of nothing but the fact that he wants to scream and cannot. 

The word ‘dissociation’ will come up too during those sessions. Xie Yuchen doesn’t know it yet, as he sits by Hei Xiazi’s bedside and stares at the tubes going into his arm. He knows that he has spent something like an hour looking at the hole in the ground where the dig site used to be and tried to understand what had happened. He also knows that he has drunk his entire body weight in water and still feels thirsty. 

He has not spoken to a single person since stepping into the medical tent, despite numerous attempts by well-meaning bystanders. It’s as if his throat is clogged by the words he needs to tell the man on the bed - nothing else can come out before he does. Should Hei Xiazi remain unconscious, Xie Yuchen fears that he might never speak again. 

When Hei Xiazi comes to, he blinks, scrunches his eyes against the light, and immediately winces when it pulls on the stitches holding the skin of his eyebrow together, in that order. There is a sense of normality to his stupidity that strikes Xie Yuchen’s heart like a bolt of lightning and he lets out a breath he had forgotten he was holding. 

At last, at very much last, the words burst out of his chest. 

“What the fuck was that for!” he yells at the blind idiot who startles and yelps in pain. 

“Ow,” he says. And then, “what?” until his brain finishes compiling his last memory and he laughs. Laughs! Xie Yuchen wants to strangle him, sits on the bed to do just that when a wide smile spreads Hei Xiazi’s lips. 

“I thought I was a goner,” he hears him admit in a rueful tone. “Thought I would go out with a bang, but not like this!”

Before he can make good on his murderous intent, Xie Yuchen rises from the bed, or tries to. 

A hand has shot out to grab him. 

“Wait.”

The hand doesn’t stay long on his arm before Hei Xiazi has to pull it back with another wince, bending forward to lessen the pain in his ribs the sudden movement caused. Xie Yuchen turns back and jabs a vicious finger between the man’s thin arms, right into what little fat he has and not on the broken bone, because he isn’t a complete bastard, unlike some people. 

It makes Hei Xiazi wiggle to get away but he cannot escape and his cries for mercy are interspersed with bright laughter. 

“Stop! Stop!”

“Serves you right,” Xie Yuchen accuses as he pokes his side with his other hand. 

It’s a struggle, especially with his eyes still closed, but Hei Xiazi manages to grab a hold of his hands and pins them to the bed on both sides of him. They’re not cold anymore, and at that realisation, all the fight drains out of Xie Yuchen. He lets his head fall forward onto Hei Xiazi’s uninjured shoulder and closes his eyes. 

There’s a body underneath his chest, warm, a heartbeat, loud and steady, and the rise and fall of breaths. Eventually, there’s a cheek resting against his hair, and a voice, low and soft. Even if he hated everything else about the man, Xie Yuchen would love that voice, if only because he is alive to use it. 

“Sorry.”

Xie Yuchen lets a long exhale out through his nose before answering. 

“You have enough to feel sorry about, don’t add an accident to the list.”

There’s a huff against his hair.

“I meant for worrying you.”

I wasn’t worried, Xie Yuchen instinctively wants to say. His eyes open to see scratches on skin, an angry red, and it feels ridiculous to deny it now. He looks up and Hei Xiazi’s eyes are still closed, he cannot see him, cannot see the look Xie Yuchen knows is on his face, so he lets himself stare, just a second too long, before reaching into his pocket and extracting a spare pair of sunglasses from it. As he slides them up Hei Xiazi’s nose, the man’s mouth falls open in a small o of surprise. 

“Thanks,” he says, without the usual sarcasm behind the word. 

When he is sure that he can see him, Xie Yuchen nods. He should… probably go and let him rest, now. He turns, legs falling off the side of the bed, but before he can stand, an arm has sneaked around his waist and holds him back. A small noise of pain comes out from behind him at his aborted movement and Xie Yuchen stops, turning back. 

Hei Xiazi’s face is unreadable except for a few tense lines under the glasses. Xie Yuchen moves the arm away from himself and places it back somewhat delicately on the bed and watches, as Hei Xiazi’s lips press together briefly, before tweaking up sideways like he is preparing to make a joke. This obvious cover-up, more than anything else, seals away any doubt Xie Yuchen still had about the ridiculous man in front of him. 

He reaches out, curls a hand into the sweaty hair at Hei Xiazi’s nape, and kisses him. 

It takes a few seconds, but Hei Xiazi kisses him back with a relieved laugh and happy enthusiasm. His hands come back up to hold Xie Yuchen’s waist, even though it makes his mouth twist in discomfort, and at that Xie Yuchen has to break the kiss. He grabs the hands and firmly pushes them down. 

“Don’t move,” he orders. 

He should have known Hei Xiazi would like that. 

“Oh, kinky,” the idiot says. 

“And don’t speak either,” he adds, too late.

“Make me.”

With a long-suffering sigh, Xie Yuchen moves forward again to comply. 

[sifeng]

Review: The Romance of Tiger and Rose

I just finished this show yesterday at 3:00 AM and I have some thoughts. For like a month, I couldn’t find any good Chinese dramas to watch, and so thank god that this drama appeared on my YouTube recommendations one day! (I did rewatch A Little Reunion and Young Blood because they are my favorite dramas of all time).

Plot:

Chen Xiao Qian is an unknown screenwriter who's been single since birth. She's worked really hard and finally finished a grand drama of a heroine, only to have filming delayed because actor Han Ming Xing can't stop questioning the script! She's determined to prove him wrong--until things go topsy turvy and she winds up stuck in the world of her own creation! Now known as the Third Princess, a minor character who was supposed to die in the third episode, Chen Xiao Qian has to not only navigate a plot gone completely out of control, but survive and find a way home.  The problem? Han Shuo, a crown prince of an enemy city--the man her character kidnapped to be her husband. He's got his own agenda, and part of that might mean falling in love with the "wrong" girl.

Cast:

Zhao Lusi (赵露思) as Chen Xiaoqian (陈小千)/Chen Qianqian (陈芊芊)

Ding Yuxi (丁禹兮) as Han Mingxing (韩明星)/Han Shuo (韩烁)

Sheng Yinghao (盛英豪) as Pei Heng (裴恒)

Zhou Zixin (周紫馨) as Chen Chuchu (陈楚楚)

My Opinions:

Plot (My Rating - A-):

I wasn’t expecting the second Nirvana in Fire here, so I don’t think I’m disappointed in any way. The best thing about the plot, and the writing, is the fact that it can nicely mix together comedy and melodrama. If you strip away the comic parts, the way the plot must go down as we see how Qianqian’s arrival into her own script changes the world, is definitely a recipe for tragedy. And yet, it still manages to make people laugh aloud every episode. 

I think the social commentary on whether females or males ought to lead society was very interesting, and it rare to see a Chinese drama try to tackle these topics, so I applaud them for this. I think the pacing was done wonderfully, nothing felt draggy or inexplicably short. 

Of course there are some areas that could be better, but seeing as this show is, at the end of the day, supposed to be a cute romcom type show, I can forgive it for having a few plot holes or odd areas. The explanation for the ending made sense enough for me to believe it (or maybe I just really wanted to believe it). 

Acting (My Rating - B+):

I think both leads did great here! Zhao Lusi is a natural at being funny, charming and likable, and I feel like she is 100% the perfect choice for this role. The only part of her acting I have criticism for are her crying scenes, which don’t feel nearly as natural as the rest of her acting. I had never even heard of Ding Yuxi before this drama (technically I heard about him from Intense Love but that was only like a week earlier), and I was very surprised by how he could change from the murderous plotter to a lovestruck puppy. 

I also think the actor for Zi Rui did really good! He was super funny and very natural at it too, a perfect portrayal for this type of drama. I think Zhou Zixin as Chen Chuchu did good too! I could see she was hiding this type of cruelty and anger from her first few appearances. 

Everybody else was just okay, passable, believable, but could be better in my opinion. 

Characters (My Rating - A-):

I think all the characters (at least the main few) are very three-dimensional and believable. They have motives, beliefs, ideologies, reasons for existing, and reasons for acting as they do. While sometimes I am annoyed at them, I can put myself in their position and understand their actions.

I liked both our leads. When Qianqian sent away Han Shuo because she was afraid he’d die, I was a little angry because she could have told him of her suspicions instead of acting on her own, especially since they literally just made a promise not to do that. But, it made for a really nice reunion a while later, so oh well. I think overall, Qianqian’s actions are understandable in the situation she is in. 

My favorite characters are Zi Rui and Bai Ji because they are both super loyal to their masters, and they also make for excellent comic relief. Their interactions with each other, and with their masters, are actually hilarious. 

While I was annoyed that Pei Heng just wouldn’t give up on Qianqian, his loyalty makes sense and because of the rules instated in Hua Yuan Cheng, his belief that he and Qianqian can still get married isn’t too unreasonable. I mean, yes, he should’ve stopped meddling in their relationship, but as he thought Han Shuo was using Qianqian, it wasn’t exactly unethical.

Also Chuchu, while I was also super annoyed with her stealing the army from Pei Heng, going against Qianqian and her family, and trying to steal Han Shuo, I did understand why she was so angry. I mean she’s never received any words of solidarity from her mother, nothing she does is right, and even when Qianqian does something completely stupid and reckless, she doesn’t get punished. Chuchu wants to prove she’s better than Qianqian, and on that path, she ends up becoming a horrible person. 

Romance & Chemistry (My Rating - A+):

Okay, the romance only deserves an A because it did take a little too long, for my patience, for Qianqian to realize she liked Han Shuo, but the chemistry deserves an A++ so that cancels out. When they are on screen together it just feels very natural and that they are actually in love.

Here are some really cute gifs just because:

Overall Rating: A

Recommend For: people looking for a really cute, but not brainless, time travel drama. People who want to see a reaaaaalyyy cute couple. People who are okay with a little melodrama. 

[inspiritjun]

MXTX novels in a nutshell

Now that I have finished all three MXTX novels, I wanted to summarize them quickly so, here are my thought: 

MDZS / GDC

Among three of the books, if I have to choose one, it would be Mo Dao Zu Si, not only because of cql, the book has so many characters that made me feel things and the setting of the story suits my interest.

My favorite character in the novel, besides the main character, is Jiang Cheng. Poor boy went through so much, but still managed to lead the kingdom of his forefathers, collecting it from ruins. He could have done better, in regards to Wei Wuxian, but he gave into the situation. He was all alone, with no one to supervise, people make mistakes, esp. when they are young. 

The Yi City arc deserved their very own story, Ah Qing is not much discussed but that girl was clever, smart and dedicated. 

The juniors are much intelligent than the older generation. Jin Ling not hating on his uncle proves his maturity and that the next generation have bright future.

Nie Huaisang, I can’t help but think that in the end, he felt all alone. Wei Wuxian, who used to be his best friend once, does not feel the same way now, especially after knowing his true color. LXC and JGY, whom he used to turn to for every problems and who were so dear to him once, are no longer with him. The only thing he wanted was to avenge his brother, but after all the ordeals, I think that he was lonely, just my thought. 

Xue Yang and Jin Guangyao are negative character but knowing what turned them into antagonists, can’t hate them wholeheartedly.

The only character I dislike is Jin Guangshan, that old man have done not a single right thing in life ><

WangXian relation was wholesome, not rushed, not forced, natural.

The friendship we were robbed of are: 

- The triplets : WWX, JC, NHS

- WWX and Wen Qing 

TGCF / HOB

Tbh, due to the immense violence, self harm, gore and such I was not quite fond of reading it initially. 

But Shi Qingxuan made the plot interesting and captivated me. Every character had their own story, which were super amusing.

My personal favorite characters in the novel are: 

Yin Yu - How could someone have such great heart. Sadly he had to pay high price for 2 words he spoke at wrong time and place. 

Feng Xin - Loyalty is his description. Poor boy had chance at building his own family but didn’t persevere to follow his master. 

Jian Lan - She is not major character but I admire her for letting her husband go, not only once but twice, for his sake. Usually females are depicted as clingy ones, even Xuan Ji had such character. But Jian Lan let Feng Xin go when she was pregnant, became a single mom, went to Paradise manor to get back her child, let go of her husband second time, even though she knew she and her child could have better future alongside him. Even though Feng Xin was willing to take up his responsibility but at what cost, she stood for herself.

Hua Cheng was always supportive of Xie Lian but never took the lead, that’s what I love about their relation.

In this too, can’t hate the antagonist truly, in fact, I feel sympathy for Bai Wuxiang.

By the end of the novel, it was a tie between MDZS and TGCF.

SVSSS

Honestly, I had zero interest in this book, but since it is one of MXTX works, I didn’t want to leave it unread.

From the beginning, I was not fond of the system, Shen Qingqui could not be himself, simply  to earn some points. The major thing upsetting me was LBH and SQQ’s relationship, somehow it felt one sided the entire time. Only in the last chapter, it felt like for once Shizun initiated the skinship earnestly, not to tame the Demon King or not to coax him from crying, or forcefully by LBH. The feeling of romance between them seemed unnatural to me, no offense though.

The extras and the side stories were the ones that made the novel worth reading. Knowing Tianlang Jun’s side of story, how could anyone hate him or call him cruel Demon Lord, it was human who think not my race, they must have different motive.

Zhuzhi Lang repaying the drop of water with a fountain was incredible. 

Gongyi Xiao was incredible kid, sadly his wish of going to Cang Qiong Mountain remained unfulfilled.

Liu Qingge seemed aloof and cold but was support pillar for SQQ. 

Yue Qingyuan was such a marvellous parental figure.

More than the main pair,  Shang Qinghua and Mo Beijun’s story fascinated me.

Hence, in a nutshell, the relation between Liu Qingge and Luo Binghe felt like that of Lan Zhan and Jiang Cheng, in-laws bitterness...lol  

Both Jiang Cheng and Yue Qingyuan could have achieved better peace of mind, if they were good in communication, them hiding their true feeling made themselves and their dear ones hurt.

WangXian and HuaLian’s level of trust is dream of every pair. The feeling was mutual and their level of understanding is something only few could achieve. 

[nanonkorapat]

You like 2gether? Great! Check out these series now

I’m sorry the title sounds vaguely like an ad, it wasn’t my intention oof. Anyway, here are five (+2) series you should watch and fill the void (in no particular order)!

THEORY OF LOVE (2019)

You can find it here.

“Third is a filmology major and a member of the Savage Team along with his best friends Two, Bone, and Khai, but he has a secret. Third has been secretly in love with Khai for years.”

Theory of Love is one of these series you don’t expect to like that much, but they surpise you. First of all, I still remember falling so deeply in love with this friend squad; they were so fun and wholesome (and yes maybe dickheads sometimes but that’s life). They were all so nicely written characters and I was always looking forward to seeing them every week. The story is a bit sad at first, but it will also make you laugh a lot. It also have lots of movie references! Loved that. Honestly, I’m not very good at reviews, but I can definitely say TOL was a series I still think fondly of, even to this day, like half a year later.

DARK BLUE KISS (2019)

You can find it here.

“Kao and Pete being in a blissful romance, have grown closer. But with Kao being closeted from his mother, he fears the dreaded thought of her finding out. His mother then introduces Non, a son of a colleague, as he requires tutoring from Kao. With Non constantly giving off ‘iffy’ vibes towards Kao, it only fuels Pete’s jealousy.”

I recently watched DBK and I was really taken aback by it. The fact that it dealt with some specific topics surprised me. We see Kao being scared of coming out to his mother, him being forced into a difficult situation mostly because he was trying to economically support his sister, Kao and Pete having problems because of miscommunication etc. It was something different. Of course, there were some bits I didn’t like, like the possesivness of Pete, but you can’t have everything in life. Overall a very good series, I would definitely recommend.

Note; DBK is a sequel of Kiss Me Again the series. You don’t have to watch it. If you want to, I’d recommend watching only the PeteKao cuts on Youtube.

HISTORY3: TRAPPED (2019)

You can find it here.

“The cooperation between police and the people create a harmonious new society. Police who are filled with justice are turned into the personal protection for gangsters. But one police officer becomes trapped in the underworld, as he develops feelings for a gang leader.”

God, I just realized how much I miss Trapped. It was one of the first asian series I watched and really loved. Look at the summary! It’s literally a fanfic I loved it. Jokes aside though, really nice plot, well written characters, nice twists, lots of funny moments, happy enging, what else would someone ask for? I fell in love with the characters and their stories. Literally, can’t even think straight and write a coherent review of this, I just love it, trust me.

WHAT DID YOU EAT YESTERDAY? (2019)

You can find it here.

“Kakei Shiro is a 45 year old lawyer who works at a small law firm. He is a good cook and a meticulous and thrifty person who keeps the monthly food budget to 25,000 yen. His partner Yabuki Kenji is the affable hairdresser in his 40s. The two of them share a two-bedroom apartment and the finer points of two men living together comes up at the dining table every day. Although two of them have been in a relationship for three years and Kakei’s parents know he is gay, Kakei never shares the fact that he is gay or Kenji is his partner to anyone.”

Looking for something sweet and wholesome? Watch this one. I have to thank whoever recommended this to me (I’m terribly sorry I forgot). The story of two middle-aged gay men, living their life in peace (most of the time at least). Involves lots of cooking, to the point it always made me hungry. It’s a relaxing series, one that will warm up your heart and make you smile.

HISTORY2: CROSSING THE LINE (2018)

You can find it here.

“Qiu Zi Xuan was an excellent volleyball player in the past, but he had to give up on on his dreams due to his injuries, but he still participates in the volleyball-related training. During the training, he meets a guy, Xia Yu Hao, a guy with a really bad temper who gets easily infuriated with people that make him angry, but he strives to acquire what he persistently wants to achieve.”

A lovely story. I think I watched it in like one afternoon. I couldn’t really resist to the dumbassery of Yu Hao. A story about coming to terms with your feelings and going after what you want. That’s it and, honestly, that’s more than one needs.

HONORARY MENTIONS (not bl, I just fucking love these series)

WHEN WE WERE YOUNG (2018)

You can find it here.

“A nostalgic story that revolves around high school students during the year 1996.

While chasing down a bike thief during the summer, Yang Xi gets injured by a lab explosion that renders her unable to compete in a long-distance run. When school opens, she realizes that the culprit behind her misfortune has transferred to her class and has even taken her position as class president. He is Hua Biao, a hot-blooded, rash and gifted genius of the science department. Hua Biao’s arrival immediately puts his classmates on guard and he must prove himself to be accepted by the class. Later on, they go through lots of ups and downs in life.”

Probably one of my favourite series ever and trust me I’ve watched quite a few. First things first, the OST. God, catch me still signing it under my breath. The visuals? Absolutely amazing. The plot and the characters? Honestly superb. The quotes? Made me cry every single time. This series gave me such a strong feeling of nostalgia, it had this whole vibe of being young and reckless, but at the same time knowing that you will grow old, that the world will change, that you will change with it. Imagine this; you are laying on your bed on a hot summer afternoon, you are young, loads of books are waiting for you, sprawled all over your dest, the radio is on, playing some old melodies mixed with static, you are reading a book or comics and you are waiting for your friends to come. This is it. This is the feeling this series has left me with. I know I may not be making sense for most people, but our languages sometimes are uncapable of expressing our feelings. You just have to experience it yourself.

THE LONGEST DAY IN CHANG’AN (2019)

You can find it here and here.

“744 A.D., Chang’an, the cosmopolitan heart of the Tang Empire. The remnants of a vanquished Central Asian kingdom have infiltrated the world’s largest city for a planned attack during the Lantern Festival. Meanwhile, the court is fraught with infighting. The aging Emperor is expected to announce the regency of the Right Chancellor during the festival and retreat to the mountains with his young lover. If the Right Chancellor becomes the regent, the reformist Crown Prince risks being deposed—or worse. Intelligence chief Li Bi, a young Taoist priest, and ally of the Crown Prince has only 24 hours to prevent both the attack and the regency. After a botched attempt to capture the infiltrators, Li Bi and his team call in the services of death row prisoner Zhang Xiao Jing — a war veteran, beloved police chief, and murderer of his last direct superior.”

Keep in mind that this is one of the most expensive (if not the most expensive) productions on China. The whole series covers the events of one day, one single day. What they did is actually amazing. The plot is so well structured, the costumes and set perfectly made, the actors plainly great. It might take a couple of episodes to understand the plot because especially on the first one there are a lot of things happened and lots of information getting thrown around, but it quickly becomes way more clear. The music, the twists, the morally ambiguous characters; one of the best things I’ve seen. I cried, I laughed, I feel in love and I now realize that no matter how much I praise this series, it won’t be enough.

Lowkey hope I haven’t done any mistakes because I don’t proof read anything and that’s the hill I’ll die on.

[southeastasianists]

It is 1.30pm on a rainy, humid December afternoon and the Sin Hoe Ping puppet troupe is busy making sure that everything is in place before they perform for Da Er Ye Bo, the two Taoist gods of the underworld.

It is the first feast day at the shentan or shrine festival for these deities, and the troupe wants the celebrations to begin smoothly.

Knowing that they will be singing for two hours without a break, the grey-haired puppeteers are clad in loose, comfortable clothing and slippers.

Two life-sized figures of Da Yi Er Bo glower at them from behind, macabre guardians of a dark curtained area where a spirit medium will be offering consultations to devotees in the evening. The medium, along with the getai singers whose traditional performance dates back to the era of the Japanese occupation, will be the star of the event.

But the members of Sin Hoe Ping don't mind being out of the limelight. As they begin to sing a high-pitched, mournful sounding song while manoeuvring the puppet characters around the makeshift stage, Yeo Lye Hoe, the 67-year-old troupe leader, shuffles off to an open area outside the tent where the festival is taking place. The only people in the audience are a little boy in a uniform, presumably on his way home from school, and his grandfather.

Yeo puffs away at a cigarette. "I'm going to do this for as long as I can," he says gruffly. "After all, if I don't, who will?"

Vestiges of the past

Sin Hoe Ping is one of the last Chinese puppet troupes active in Singapore, and the very last troupe performing in the Henghua language, spoken by those with ancestral roots in Putian, a part of Fujian Province in China.

Frequently sidelined for the more flamboyant sensibilities of Chinese opera, these puppet troupes are something of an anomaly in cosmopolitan Singapore. Rooted in ancient folk religion, they appear almost to be vestiges of the past that have stubbornly survived to challenge the modern skyscrapers and apartment blocks that are crammed across the tiny island country.

Many of the performers are hired on an ad hoc basis, whenever feast days are held to commemorate Taoist deities.

Yeo, who makes and repairs his collection of up to a 100 puppets from his apartment, says that demand for puppet shows has declined in recent years.

He attributes this to the lack of interest in temple rituals, which are often elaborate, time-consuming and costly.

"We now have five or six regular performers left. One died recently, and after the rest of us go, nobody will know the art of Chinese puppetry in Singapore any more."

Numbering approximately 20 in total, though this figure is also dwindling steadily with Singapore's ageing population, these troupes faithfully represent traditions that emerged from southern China as early as the Song dynasty in the AD 1000s.

The Chinese diaspora in Singapore, who arrived as immigrants from the southern Chinese provinces during the late 19th century, ironically preserved many elements of Chinese puppet theatre that have become almost extinct in their country of origin due to the brutal effects of the Cultural Revolution. These elements include handwritten theatre scripts used for puppet shows, which have been passed down for generations and can today cost up to $1,000.

Fading art form

Yeo is a laconic and stout man who does not romanticise the work he does.

"I don't feel that I'm doing something noble. My grandfather taught me the scripts, the songs and how to move the puppets when I was seven. I have known everything by heart for my entire life, and I keep doing it now because it's what I know."

He studied with a puppet master until his 20s. Then, upon the latter's retirement, he bought the puppet collection for approximately $1,500 and continued running the show with other troupe members.

In good months, puppet troupes such as Sin Hoe Ping can earn between $5,000 to $7,000, performing at a number of temple festivals every week, but for the most of the year, income is much harder to come by. The money is mostly redistributed among performers, who are all older people or retirees, with the rest going back into the maintenance of the puppets.

"It's not something you do to make money," he says with a slight smile. He has three children who are English-educated and in their 30s. None of them is interested in continuing his trade.

One of his performers, Chua Mui Hua, 76, agrees.

"My grandchildren have never come to see me perform, but even if they did, I doubt they would understand anything I am singing," she says.

She is making a salient point about the Chinese languages that are gradually becoming extinct in Singapore. In 1979, the government became convinced that the use of southern Chinese languages such as Hokkien, Teochew, Cantonese and Hakka - which were the lingua franca of the very first Chinese immigrants in Singapore - was preventing Singaporeans from achieving full bilingualism in English and standard Mandarin Chinese.

For more than 30 years, the Speak Mandarin Campaign heavily discouraged the use of these southern Chinese languages in the popular media, particularly on television and radio. Today, few young people can claim to understand simple phrases in their grandparents' language, let alone comprehend complex narratives sung over two hours.

Children in the business

Not all the stalwarts of the Chinese puppet trade are pessimistic about its future.

Tina Quek, 47, is the leader of the last puppet troupe in Singapore that performs in the Teochew language, but she is sanguine about her prospects. Much like Yeo, she has spent the bulk of her life immersed in these vanishing traditions, and her repertoire includes not just puppet performances but also opera and Qing Chang, singing events staged by an all-female group. But unlike Yeo, all four of her children are heavily involved in her business and learning the ropes.

"My youngest son is 13 and is already learning to play the suona to accompany my performances," she says. Her speaking voice is soft and gravelly, but transforms completely into a nasal soprano when she sings.

"It's practice," she grins. "I've been doing this since I was eight, that's how I was confident that my children would be able to pick up these skills quickly as well." Still, her cheeriness is tempered by slight anxiety.

"I would like my children to continue the business, but I'm especially worried about my son. His studies suffer each time he leaves school early for a performance. And more importantly, with younger people becoming less interested in these traditions, will he be able to make enough money to survive in Singapore?"

Her daughter, Christine Ang, 19, shares her mother's ambivalence. She has just finished at a vocational school and reveals that she juggles a string of part-time jobs alongside her impressive credentials as one of Singapore's youngest puppet performers and opera singers.

Getting ready to perform and putting on make-up are among her favourite parts of the job.

"I don't think it's true that there's no interest amongst young people my age," she muses. "Whenever I invite my friends, they always turn up. In fact, the last time they came, I made them put on make-up too!"

However, she acknowledges that "off-peak" seasons are a cause of concern.

"The Seventh Lunar Month is a good time for us, because that's when many people worship at the temples to appease the spirits of wandering ghosts. But the rest of the year, not so much," she says.

She admits that she sometimes wonders, although fleetingly, if continuing her education or getting a full-time job might be a better option. "It would be sad if I stopped performing. I guess there's some pressure, because I don't want to be the one who let a tradition die."

Reviving puppetry

Some are eager to help this small community survive the onslaught of modernisation.

Caroline Chia, 33, is a researcher specialising in Chinese puppet traditions who has single-handedly documented the performances of almost all the troupes still active over the past few years. Yeo fondly refers to her as "xiao mei", a Chinese term that means "little girl".

"I have tried to help in some ways by liaising with event organisers and theatre personnel so that the troupes get to perform outside of the temple context," she says. Her hard work means that some of the troupes have had the opportunity to bring their work to wider audiences, including public road shows and cultural events at museums.

Her late grandmother, who loved Teochew opera and music originating from eastern Guangdong Province in China, encouraged her interest in Chinese puppetry.

"Troupes come and go … it is something that's beyond our control sometimes. But I guess more has to be done to revitalise puppetry before it is gone altogether."

On a sweltering day, Yeo's troupe holds a performance in a shrine in eastern Singapore.

Yeo is in a bad mood, barking expletives down the phone.

"The performer who was scheduled to sing with us today forgot to turn up," sighs his wife, Li Shui Mei, who is from Putien and has been working with him for years. "I guess I will have to sing both the female parts by myself, then."

I help them carry the puppets into the shrine to make them "kneel" before the deities prior to the performance, since there aren't enough people around to do it. The puppets are surprisingly heavy.

For the next two hours, Li and Yeo sing, play the keyboard, cymbals and drums, and manipulate the puppets across the small stage. There might be only five people in the audience today, and in a few years there may be none, but, just getting to perform today is enough for the two puppeteers.

[spockandawe]

I’m so unbelievably weak against characters who make terrible choices because they’re hurting and upset. I love the subtler resentful decisions that quietly build up ill will, and I love the big dramatic choices that end with everyone going down in flames. But more than anything, I love love love hurting myself with the emotional flavor of a character struggling with the tension of simultaneously realizing that people hate/mistrust them (or how much people hate/mistrust them, or which people hate/mistrust them), while also realizing that those people just have... no idea where they’re coming from.

I was thinking about this first because of Mu Qing, who is honestly a very low-key version of this scenario (and it’s also quieter since he’s not a lead character and rarely takes the spotlight himself). But the first big tgcf flashback honestly made my heart ache, seeing him trying to walk a line between maintaining his own independence/pride and not belonging to someone he wants to be peers with, but when he tries to be tactful, people decide he’s being shady.  He was picking cherries, to bring a treat to his poor mother (and the poor children around his home), but then got accused of stealing, and then didn’t want to say that it was because his only remaining parent was living in poverty. And it continues through the present day! He knocks out Feng Xin so he can save him from a burning city, because Feng Xin refuses to leave, and people are like ‘>:OOO MU QING ATTACKED FENG XIN??’ In some ways, this character hurts me more than the others, because he rarely does anything wrong, he has a bad attitude, but his most significant “missteps” tend to be like ‘you could have been a little more kind, tbh.’

But also too, I’ve been working my way through the svsss extras again, and... Shen Jiu. God, Shen Jiu. This character is agonizing, and I love him so much. He makes terrible choices! He does terrible things! He tries to set up an actual literal child to die horribly, because he resents that this child had a parent who loved him, and that he found his way to Cang Qiong young enough to reach his full potential! It’s absolutely unforgivable! But nobody except Yue Qingyuan has any clue how much Shen Jiu has been through and how to possibly help him grow or heal or how to support him into better decision making. And Shen Jiu is so hurt by the way Yue Qingyuan left him that he refuses to let Yue Qingyuan help him now. Like! This child was a slave, begging for food on the streets, then was sold to a rich boy who abused him in sexually-flavored ways and planned to marry him to his sister so he could keep him forever, and then his “rescuer” was a scumbag adult who taught him to steal and murder. 

And while Shen Jiu was suffering, he thinks Yue Qingyuan, who came from the same beginning and who promised to come back for him, was living in careless pampered luxury in a prestigious cultivation sect. Shen Jiu’s own self-evaluations are incredibly harsh, from the moment he’s reunited with Yue Qingyuan. He calls himself terrible, he calls himself a thing, and once it’s clear that he’s going to pay the price for his bad decisions, he tries hard to shove away the one person who cares about him and find some way to protect him. Yue Qingyuan never stopped loving him and defending him, but literally nobody else in the world has any sympathy for him whatsoever. How am I not supposed to be heartbroken? Shang Qinghua sighs over how his readers used to hate on Shen Qingqiu for having no motivations, which, sure, that’s understandable from what’s on the “Proud Immortal Demon Way” pages, but seeing the trauma driving his choices in svsss and seeing his own self-awareness and self-loathing and knowing that one (1) person in-universe has any inkling of his internal world (and that person died trying to help him), I’m! In pain!!!

Plus, in svsss proper, I saw a post in passing once that was something like... ‘readers are hard on luo binghe, because he’s the only mxtx protagonist where we see the worst decisions of his life and aren’t in his head to understand why he’s making those decisions.’ Which I still find fascinating, and think about often. It makes sense to me. And as far as my terrible-decision-making children go, he’s very interesting to me because he doesn’t really deal with the widespread distaste/mistrust that mu qing and shen jiu experience, it’s very much targeted on one person. I live for the parts of svsss where all Luo Binghe has to do is breathe, and Shen Qingqiu flinches and bolts. And Luo Binghe is not acting in kind or well-considered ways, a lot of the time! But he was seventeen, and his beloved teacher had told him that ‘humans can be good or evil, demons can be good or evil,’ but the moment Luo Binghe turned out to be half demon, even though he’d just been fighting desperately trying to protect Shen Qingqiu, that teacher he trusted more than anything immediately turned on him, stabbed him in the chest, and threw him into hell.

That’s agonizing!!!! Even without the aftermath, that’s agonizing to read! And when Luo Binghe comes back, years later, he’s upset, he’s hurt, he’s lonely, he’s still stinging from that betrayal, of course he’s not making good decisions. I follow good blogs, because I haven’t seen any terrible Luo Binghe takes on my dash, but I’m kind of :c that these takes apparently exist. Again, it’s not that I think he makes good decisions, but I can see why he makes bad decisions, and I can see other characters missing that context, and I am rolling in terrible, glorious pain. Luo Binghe shows up secretly in Huan Hua Palace and starts taking it over and generally acts shady as heck? Well, Shizun wouldn’t let him beg for forgiveness when he was a disciple, and he’s afraid to face Shen Qingqiu until he can meet him on a semi-equal footing. Luo Binghe gets angry and spiteful when Shen Qingqiu asks if he’s responsible for the sowers? Yes he does! He’d always, always tried to do right by Shen Qingqiu, and trusted Shen Qingqiu when he said demons could be decent people, but the moment he turned out to be half-demon, Shen Qingqiu immediately started expecting the worst from him at every turn. It hurts! I don’t blame him for acting on that hurt! And I am so endlessly compelled by the way that Shen Qingqiu completely fails to recognize the context for where Binghe is coming from.

And like... I cannot leave out Xue Yang and Jin Guangyao. Xue Yang is fascinating in his own way, because the steps are... a lot more explicit and clear-cut than some of these other characters. Shen Jiu’s downward spiral is very internal and he curls up tight to hide his weak spots even with the person who values him most in the whole world, but Xue Yang very plainly tries to lay out his reasoning for his most important person. His whole world is crumbling by the time things reach that point, and it was probably beyond salvaging, but god! He tries so hard to explain the position the world placed him in, from childhood onward, helpless and vulnerable, and that nobody was going to defend him except himself. 

But when Xiao Xingchen doesn’t understand what he’s trying to communicate, when he realizes that the person he values most isn’t willing to hear what he’s trying to say, he starts lashing out again and trying to hurt. It’s the same lesson he learned when he was young, in some ways. ‘If I’m stupid enough to trust you, you’re going to use that to hurt me.’ And then the logical next step, ‘If you’re going to hurt me, all I can do is try to hurt you worse.’ You can see the trauma playing out right there on the page, and it’s agonizing. I can understand some people not enjoying reading things that make them hurt that way, but I have trouble Getting it when people don’t at least find that kind of dynamic compelling as hell. I’ll sometimes avoid media that I know is going to make me sad, but if I’m in the mood to Experience Sadness, I know a dynamic like this is going to grab me by the heart and shake me like a ragdoll.

And... Jin Guangyao. He was on my mind too, partly because I’ve seen a few takes on his motivations lately that honestly kind of baffle me? Like, to each their own, especially since mdzs never takes us inside his head. But I see posts that like... he was bullying Nie Mingjue, or what if Lan Xichen could Tell he was never genuine and mistrusted him on some level, and how to put this. It’s not that I agree with the choices he made, though I really don’t want to play fandom purity police in any way, shape, or form (murder is good, actually), but I understand the choices he made enough that those sort of interpretations that skew towards the cruelty-for-the-sake-of-cruelty territory honestly kind of upset me.

There’s some interesting comparisons to be made with Mu Qing, in some ways. They both grew up poor, without a father, in “shameful” single-parent situations (a sex worker mother vs. a father being executed for being a criminal). They were poor boys with ambition, but no matter how they tried to carry themselves with dignity, those poor beginnings were rubbed in their faces, years after the fact. I think it does make a real difference that Mu Qing’s shame is mostly based in his own history (sweeping floors) while Jin Guangyao’s is more external (son of a whore), and that Jin Guangyao’s also insulted a parent who he loved dearly, and that Mu Qing was seeking the respect outside of famiial structures while Jin Guangyao was desperate to be accepted by his father.

There’s so much of Jin Guangyao’s early life that’s like ‘I’m Just Trying To Live My Life, My Dude,’ and it hurts me to watch. He really didn’t have goals that were all that excessive! If his goals were excessive in some way, it’s only by virtue of how highly ranked his father was, which isn’t his fault. His goal: ‘I want my father to accept me into the family.’ What the world saw: “oh my god, this son of a whore SERIOUSLY wants to be brought into this noble family, lmaooooo.’ There are characters who are more compassionate than that, and a lot of that reaction is down to the nature of the setting, but LORD, man! It’s honestly a pretty restrained goal for a kid to have! Especially when his father totally promised to come back for him someday, and he waited patiently for years before setting out on his own.

And even once he gets kicked down the steps of Koi Tower and dials back his ambitions, he gets so little space to breathe. He’s learning cultivation late, he takes a position as a nobody in a different cultivation sect, he’s just trying to live. But no matter how he rolls with the punches, no matter how he smiles and bears it, he’s being constantly, constantly prodded in that old, painful bruise. I’ve been finally working my way through The Untamed, and it was painful to watch, in Gusu, when he’s trying to present the Nie Sect’s gift to Lan QIren, and people just start focking gossiping about him, right there, perfectly audibly. And when we see him back in Qinghe, he’s perfectly polite and deferential, and that one disciple is still like ‘fuck you, ur mom was a whore.’

He makes bad decisions, but even when he makes good decisions, he can’t win. I don’t get anything from him at all that suggests he had Hugely Lofty Ambitions from a young age, he just wanted some kind of decent life, but almost nobody would cut him a break. Nie Mingjue did cut him a break, and Lan Xichen was gentle and kind to him, and that made such an impact on him. But I also think it made it that much worse, when he made later questionable decisions, and Nie Mingjue refused to let him explain himself. Nie Mingjue’s rigidity breaks my heart in lots of ways, but especially when it comes to Jin Guangyao. I don’t want to make this all about personal attachment, but it’s kind of inescapable in this situation. Nie Mingjue sends him a loud, violent message that if he’s not perfectly morally upright, he’s Done. But by now, Jin Guangyao has years of history of people being cruel to him based on a history he never was able to control. Nie Mingjue protected him, but hes made it clear that protection was... conditional. There could be arguments about how conditional, and what the non-murdery limits would have been, but the murder has been done, and it was already clear that Nie Mingjue never had the power to protect him from everything.

I can’t read Jin Guangyao’s later actions without also reading that fear and insecurity into his decisions. He even tries to say it outright, that he’s afraid of everyone and everything, and Nie Mingjue misses the point. Jin Guangyao hurts me a lottle, because he suffers both in terms of the general public’s judgment of him, but also in the judgment of someone he cared deeply about. I can see the reasoning and trauma, but so many other people in the story can’t. Jin Guangyao gets pushed to the edge by how his father holds him at arm’s length from the family, the atrocities he tells Jin Guangyao to commit on his behalf (and then maybe I’ll treat you like my actual son, maybe), but when he tries to express that, Nie Mingjue is like ‘can’t you just endure more, though??’ He builds a temple with a statue with the face of his dead beloved mother, and the public is like ‘omg, he made that statue with his OWN FACE, can you believe it??’

In some ways, the way Lan Xichen determinedly loves and trusts him makes it all hurt even worse. I absolutely believe Jin Guangyao when he says that he never once wanted to act against Lan Xichen. So many of the terrible decisions Jin Guangyao makes tie so directly to him seeking either safety or security. But he works hard in social gatherings to keep the peace and people think he’s two-faced. He endures years of mistreatment before hitting back and people judge him for hitting back at all and say that well, what else could we have respected from someone with that background. Nie Mingjue threatens to kill him multiple times, and he was a very straightforward, honest man, of course Jin Guangyao was frightened of him and decided it was safer to see him dead. I live for the pain of seeing a character I love make decisions I strongly disagree with, understanding why they’re making those decisions, and seeing other characters not understand, and simply hate them for the decisions.

This isn’t exactly new, this is why I’ll never be able to shake my love for Starscream, even if his quality of motivation... varies by continuity. And Pharma and Prowl are two of my favorite characters in all of idw1 for exactly this reason. I’ve got  at least three fics brushing up against Pharma’s resentment over ‘yes, i got ordered to run a hospital on a garbage planet I was sharing the most violent, sadistic decepticons in existence, I SURE WONDER WHY I WAS DRIVEN TO THIS DESPERATE POINT, BUT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE THINKS I’M JUST A TERRIBLE PERSON, SO I GUESS THAT’S THAT.’ 

And in the murderbot books, I genuinely get reduced to tears when murderbot has to deal with people compassionately interpreting its behavior instead of giving it no credit, the way its used to. I find the raksura books intensely, intensely satisfying in how Moon struggles to fit into a highly social, close-knit society after growing up so traumatized and alone, and how his colony gradually adapts to him and gets used to his quirks, instead of driving him out, the way he’s experienced so many times. No real conclusion here, I was just spacing out during a work training call, and got overtaken by how much I love characters who experience this particular flavor of emotional isolation.

[sifeng]

Review: Love and Redemption

While I first started watching this drama out of pure curiosity of why people claimed it to be “the second most tragic drama” (after GMP, of course). While there are certainly aspects of this show that could be better, I find it fair to claim that it is a wonderfully made xianxia, and certainly one of the best in the genre within this decade. 

Plot:

According to legends, the god of war saved the heavens in a deadly battle against the demon a thousand years ago. Both fell from the heavens and disappeared from the world. Chu Xuan Ji was born to the world lacking in the six senses which makes her rather clueless and inept. She befriends Yu Si Feng, the outstanding head disciple of Lize Palace who falls for her, thus beginning a xianxia romance that is entangled with the conspiracies from the past. The Zan Hua Tournament is being held in the Shaoyang Sect and its leader Chu Lei has two daughters - his trusted eldest daughter Chu Ling Long, and the youngest daughter Chu Xuan Ji who is lazy and terrible at martial arts. When Yu Si Feng and Chu Xuan Ji meet through a coincidence, they forge a friendship with each other. Yu Si Feng falls for Xuan Ji despite the harsh consequences that he must face as it is forbidden for students of Lize Palace to fall in love. Meanwhile, Ling Long clashes with Wu Tong after she criticized his foul actions at the tournament. In retaliation, Wu Tong accidentally injures Xuan Ji and gets expelled. Having recovered from her injuries, Xuan Ji promises to concentrate on cultivating. Four years later, Xuan Ji and Yu Si Feng meet again. Si Feng wears a mask due to a curse that can only be broken if he finds true love. 

Cast:

Cheng Yi (成毅) as Yu Sifeng (禹司凤)

Yuan Bingyan (袁冰妍) as Chu Xuanji (褚璇玑)

Liu Xueyi (刘学义) as Hao Chen (昊辰)

Zhang Yuxi (张予曦) as Chu Linglong (褚玲珑)

My Opinions:

Plot (My Rating - A-):

First of all, I quite like the pacing in this drama. As the matter of fact, towards the end I actually feel like some things were rushed, not dragged out. It’s never a show that allows you to press the fast forward button, because 1. the tragic moments are super intense and dramatic, and 2. you don’t dare skip over the cute/funny moments because you know there won’t be many left. Second of all, I really appreciate that the writers of this drama really decided that they were going to make the most tragic drama ever. They really dedicated themselves to that craft, and I think they succeeded wonderfully. In terms of plot points, I absolutely loved the whole 9 lifetimes idea. It really brings out the tragedy and beauty of Yu Sifeng - he will do anything to protect those he loves, especially Xuanji. I would not complain if every single lifetime was made into a 45 minute episode, though that would be 405 more minutes of Sifeng being tortured by love on top of the infinite amount of minutes that already exist in this drama. 

One problem I had, again, was with the misunderstanding that separated our two leads. I understand that this misunderstanding was one that had to do with the morals, backgrounds and fates with both of them, and thus was obviously meant to be a separating factor, but with the way the two characters were written, it felt odd that it created such an amount of misunderstanding. Overall, the plot was good, it didn’t have any revolutionary ideas, but it turned up the tragedy factor and had consistent pacing (if not too rushed towards the end). I’m sure there were probably a few plot holes here and there (one of which is why is it so easy to destroy that huge jar thing towards the end? If that’s what’s keeping the universe at balance, shouldn’t it take more than just one Yuan Lang to destroy it?), but overall, solid plot.

Characters (My Rating - B):

Sifeng is an absolute angel. He’s probably the most heroic lead in a drama who acts totally out of selflessness, who will help his loved ones no matter what pain it puts him through, and who can remain so kind, so unbothered mentally by whatever pain everyone puts him through. However, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have faults. He acts irrationally in the face of love and he often mistrusts the people around him. He’s a very complete character that not only evokes viewer’s sympathy, love and admiration, but also makes sense when taking into consideration his morals. He rarely does things that are out of character. If I were to rate just his character I’d probably give an A+.

But, there are other characters in this drama. I do like Xuanji, not as much as I like Sifeng, but I like her more than most drama leads. Despite the whole lacking six senses thing being a super confusing plot hole of sorts (like she clearly likes people in the beginning, Linglong, Minyan, her father, and dislikes people, Wu Tong, but isn’t she supposed to be unfeeling? Also she screamed out of fear when she fell using the teleport tool etc etc), I liked how she wasn’t stupid, but simply naïve. She’s actually a pretty smart person, especially in the first half of the drama, when she defended Sifeng against the Five Sects, and then Minyan after he was caught from Tianxu Tang. She didn’t let herself be manipulated by her father or Hao Chen, but rather thought for herself, took into account what she knew of their characters and came to the correct conclusion that the Five Sects were being stupid. I found myself a slight bit annoyed when she took the Five Sects side on the whole Mosha Xing issue, but given that the argument was no longer Sifeng vs. her father, but rather demons vs. humans, I can sort of understand why she didn’t trust him. Also, he did lie to her a bunch of times so, I suppose that adds to the fact. Though, she failed to use the trait that I used to really like, which was the ability to take logic and character into consideration. Did she really think that Sifeng never loved her? Because like, with all the evidence right there in her memory, I find it hard for anyone logical being to come to that conclusion. Also, I really like how she eventually became as loving of Sifeng as he was of her. She was literally willing to destroy the world, and herself, just to save him. 

As I have said before, no one likes Hao Chen, and that’s good. He’s obviously written to be a character that you should dislike, not only because he gets in the way of Sifeng and Xuanji, but because he is clearly so biased against demons (despite the fact that most demons aren’t even bad at all); because he manipulates Xuanji/God of War so many times and doesn’t even feel guilty whatsoever; because he always says “for the three realms” and yet happens to do things that will completely destroy the peace of the three realms. There are things to like about him, like I am pretty sure that he does actually care about the three realms, and he does want there to be peace, but his ideology about peace, and love, and war are just so skewed that he ends up doing the opposite of what he wants to do. 

Other characters were mostly likable, like Linglong, Zi Hu, Teng She, Minyan (most of the time), Xiao Yinhua, Ruo Yu (sometimes), Wu Zhiqi, etc etc. Some were evil for no apparent reason like Yuan Lang (why does he want to control the three worlds? What happened to him in the past for him to become this power hungry? If these questions were answered this character could be sooooo much more compelling) and Wu Tong (again, why did he start out so violent and cruel? I understand why he become a demon and helped them, but like does he not realize that it was clearly his fault first?) Also, the Heavenly Emperor seems like such an odd character. I understand he is the emperor and so he shouldn’t hold his relationship with Bailin and Xixuan above their faults, but like why was he so okay with like letting a totally faultless Xi Xuan endure several mortal trials all ending with painful deaths? And if that was because he was being a good and fair emperor, why does he let a game board decide fate? He also just stood there while the world was ending, and it took Xuanji to convince him to help her. I would like to know more about this guy and his complete lack of ability to care about anything.

So overall, while I think the main characters were written very well, with complex characteristics, some of the villains were just left tools to push forward the plot. 

Acting (My Rating - A-):

So first of all, Cheng Yi’s portrayal of Yu Sifeng was absolutely amazing. He brought out all of Sifeng’s traits super well, from shyness initially to the cruelness Mosha Xing to his loving gaze at Xuanji to the heartbreak in tragic parts. I’m pretty sure he’ll become a star after this show, and can I just say, he totally deserves it!

(Like can you see the pain in his eyes?)

I was pleasantly surprised by Yuan Bingyan here. I really like how her acting style changed along with the new role she took, as Xuanji she was bright and cheerful, as God of War she was heartless and cruel. You can see in the nine lifetimes that the way she reacts to Sifeng’s death slowly changes. Her crying scenes need a little more emotion, but overall, a super stable performance. 

Chemistry/Romance (My Rating - A):

The chemistry was just amazing. I find it interesting that their kisses slowly got more and more passionate as time went on. 

I think part of the reason they have such good chemistry is because of the acting. Like oh my god their tiny reactions to when the other gets hurt really gives it away that they love each other. 

The romance was also written nicely. While some people complain that Xuanji didn’t suffer enough, I feel like they don’t have to be equal in suffering in order for them to be a good pairing. You could tell from the very beginning that Xuanji liked Sifeng in a different way from other people. And the fact that they went through nine lifetimes together, each one when Sifeng died because of Xuanji... it just makes their romance so much more epic. Add that with good chemistry, good kisses, and good acting, well of course people love this ship so much! Xuanji would destroy the world for Sifeng, because the only person that matters in her world is Sifeng. Sifeng would put himself through ten lifetimes of torture just so Xuanji can be happy, because so long as Xuanji is happy, he will be happy. 

Music (My Rating - A): this one is simple. Just listen to the soundtrack and you’ll understand my rating. I didn’t give it an A+ though, because while all the songs are great, there isn’t one in particular that I love. 

Costumes (My Rating - A-): Sifeng’s costumes are really pretty. Some of Xuanji’s are pretty too, they get prettier as the show goes on, but some of the ones early on were kind of meh.

CGI (My Rating - A+): the best CGI in a cdrama. Just look at the scenes where Sifeng shows his wings! 

Overall Rating: A-

Recommend For: People who like xianxia dramas and dramas that try to incorporate a lot of themes. People who don’t mind their heart breaking a thousand times while watching a drama. People who want to find a couple that you have to root for. People who like super epic guzhuangs with lots of subplots, mythology, reincarnations etc.