#and i love hin so i'm not even mad

[pharawee]

It just occurred to me that we now have four different actors playing Hin Kantika - which probably makes him the most played character in the whole of Thai BL:

The first Hin played by Marc Pahun in Chains of Heart

The (hopefully) second Hin played by JJ Radchapon in Love Puzzle

The original Hin played by Deam Wutthiphat in Art Adore En - which has been MIA for over a year now.

The most recent Hin played by Fiat Patchata in The Hell Guards.

This is followed by three different versions of Hin's boyfriend Payu, which makes Payu the runner-up (and actually, when you consider the background characters in Chains of Heart, Hin's friends Safe and Maengpong, and maybe Phrai and Pleng also have four different actors play them 🤣).

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Reading the fleetway Sonic comic now and

I'm convinced that Tails is his special little guy??

I mean, he's an asshole, no doubt, but he passes up a party (mind you, he loves being celebrated as a hero so much) to go looking for Tails

He goes looking at his "favorite place" and literally dons shades and a worse attitude at learning Tails was taken

He genuinely cares about him as his buddy? Sure he complains about him or insults hin fairly often, but he clearly likes having Tails around enough to want him back??

Are we gonna talk about how Tails breaks free from Robotnik's control because he can't bear to keep hurting Sonic, because he cares?

This scene too reminds me so much of that scene from Fang the Hunter issue 1 where Tails called for Sonic and Sonic bid himself to be patient and not lash out because Tails is his friend. Like again, Fleetway!Sonic is an asshole, but he's holding back when it comes to Tails even a little bit

There's just constant proof whenever Tails is put in danger or captured that Sonic cares about his well-being. In fact he cares so much he just kind of is just indifferent about those he puts in danger by zeroing in on saving Tails (and those he saves he doesn't necessarily save with intent to). In this issue specifically, Sonic, the animal companions with him, and an unconscious Tails get washed away in a current of water, and rather than worry about his own well-being or those of his companions, he yells at them to keep ahold of Tails in the water so he can take care of the badnik.

Personally I feel like this sequence speaks for itself? Although Sonic is fairly confident, he risks his life on the chance that he can steer the Death Egg off course (and we're not even factoring in whether he can escape in time), and sends Tails away in the only escape pod. He literally gambles his life on this act of saving Emerald Hill and worries first about securing Tails', even if only Tails may end up escaping.

There's also the setting? Tails crying for Sonic and calling him the bravest hedgehog he ever met, Sonic reacting like he didn't just narrowly avoid death and that Tails is just stating the obvious, the two of them floating down in the escape pod during the sunset

I don't have the picture space to show it, but there's also another part of this issue where Sonic continuously nags Tails to stay out of danger and to let him handle everything alone, and then (after falling into a trap), starts talking to himself about how glad he is that Tails wasn't around to see him make such a rookie mistake. It's easy to read as Sonic always leaving Tails behind because he doesn't think much of him or thinks he'll be in the way, but I don't think that's completely true! I get the idea that Fleetway Sonic likes having his buddy around just as much as he wants his buddy to be safe. So he brings him around everywhere he can, but he forces him to hang back during the dangerous bits. And that's not to mention how this issue showed just how much Sonic values Tails' opinion of him.

And BOY does this scene get me

It's like

This is the first time Super Sonic ever appears in StC. Are we going to ignore that Fleetway!Super Sonic stops attacking and reverts back into regular Sonic because of Tails?

This is like Mecha Sonic in Archie's Mecha Madness special all over again, except Fleetway!Super Sonic is under no one's control. He stopped attacking because Tails bids him to remember them.

There's just so many little things about them in my reading so far that I almost can't believe it (and would hit the tumblr photo limit a number of times if I were to show it off)

If I had to label their relationship in StC, I'd say that, to Tails, Sonic is someone he admires greatly. He doesn't seem to be fond of Sonic's attitude (largely when it's aimed at those other than himself), and he expresses criticism as to how vain Sonic is and his eating choices, but ultimately he cares about Sonic enough to stick around with him and go on adventures from time to time. For Sonic, I think Tails is someone he secretly likes having around. He often criticizes him, and depending on his mood he'll do it whenever he gets an opening, but he's also just...bad at feelings. When Tails is in danger, he'll zero in on saving him, almost above all else, and then when he saves Tails he's going off about how he can't trust Tails to be alone, angry and annoyed. He's a jerk, but a jerk who cares more than he lets on about Tails. Tails isn't just some admirer, he's important to him, and at the same time, Tails' is someone whose opinion of him he values. Ahsjsjs and....he's also the kind of guy who would say something like "Hey, that's enough! Only I get to bully Tails!"

Is their relationship healthy? No😂 But also in StC it also comes off like...they're both choosing this. Despite everything they choose to be buddies

Idk I'm fascinated so far😂

The Sonic the asshole and his special little fox

[nadia-cannot-think-straight]

This is more or less a speculation, not a theory.

I have read some pretty decent post act 3 Arcane fanfics, yet one thing always bothers me a little bit about them. It is an obvious thing that Viktor will return to Zaun at some point, like this is inevitable. The same goes to his falling out with Jayce. Many people have created some cool scenarios on how it will happen, and i appreciate every single one of them.

With that said, i really cannot imagine Viktor getting banished as an event that starts it all. For a simple reason.

I don't think Viktor would have been bitter about it.

With the way he acts in the last episode of season 1, i believe that he'd think it was deserved. The thing he could be charged for would be an illegal experimentation and the manslaughter of Sky Young. Things he feels so guilty about he tried to off himself. He has very little time left, and if the trial is a necessary procedure, he'd probably accept it. Would he be upset? Of course, but i don't think he would even try to put an effort to avoid it, once people find out. And at the peak of panic in Piltover after Jinx's attack, the whatever the hell is left off the council would try to ensure that there is still at least a renmant of government control. Just like in act 1, that was literally the reason why Enforcers were trying to arrest 4 kids.

If anything, i think it would be Jayce who'd be the most desperate in this situation. "He'd be mad at Viktor for killing an innocent person" he literally did the same thing (if you think about it, Jayce have killed so much more people besides that kid, we just don't discuss it because in the show they are presented as scary monsters, not human beings that got drugged the hell up and now have their entire ripcage obligarated. But y'know, that's the point of this scene). "What about Viktor's illegal experimentation?" What Jayce did with Vi was also kinda illegal? I mean, he is a councilor, he can do whatever the fuck he wants ig, but before hand it was clear that other councilors would not want that to happen.

I imagine that Jayce would do anything in his power to cancel this trial. Viktor is his best friend, person who he has such a close bond to. And while what he did was wrong, he isn't much better. Yet it is Viktor, his dying friend, who is punished.

I can see Viktor actually being like: it's okay Jayce, it needs to happen, i will be okay (he's lying but trying).

So yeah i don't think that Viktor being banished to Zaun would be a death blow to their relationship.

Buuuuut you know what would probably make more sense (at least to me :3)?

Viktor's punishment being working on hextech weapons against Zaun.

Think about it. Jayce in an act of desperation convinces other councilors that as a co-founder of Hextech Viktor would be a viable asset in designing weapons that would "protect" Piltover against Zaun.

Well wouldn't that make Viktor absolutely fucking furious. Viktor may have ****kinda**** accepted his death but making him work AGAINST the city he spend his entire life wishing to improve and protect? Over his dead body, he'd rather be eaten alive by rats in Undercity alleys than do such a thing.

It works for me much better because it keeps Jayce's character much more consistent. Like, it's understandable why would he do it (he doesn't want his friend to die) but also highlights his change in priorities after season 1. Like, he told Silco that Undercity doesn't stand a chance against Piltover, and well, one rocket proved hin wrong. Now there are dead people in Piltover. I think he'd be more radical, more bold, maybe even less forgiving and 100% stressed af.

Does he want to keep Viktor safe? Yes. But does he find building weapons is now necessary when they are at war? Also yes. And considering the "I'M from the Undercity" scene he also tends to forget that Viktor is not, in fact, Piltovan, that as much as he loves Jayce, he does not associate with Piltover society. He is from Zaun, it is an important part of his indentity. Something that Jayce keeps neglecting.

It also doesn't change the fact that he still feels guilty over the death of that ONE child. Not the countless men in chemtanks, that are as much victims of Undercity's terrible state as Viktor is really. I think that when he'd make a decisions "a necessary decisions to keep them saved" he'd think about them, scary, crazy monsters with blades. Not that one kid. Kid feels so much more personal, people who attack them-not.

I'm not saying that is how the conflict in season 2 will look like, nuh-uh, it's just me making some fanfiction prompts lmao.

Anything could happened since them. Viktor trying to sabotage their work which would end up in an explosive and dramatic break up once Jayce finds out? Yep, i can see that. Add some fire and leave Viktor crying on concrete floor, now we have some nice parallels. But i can also see Viktor fucking off right there and there, or other stuff i dunno.

So yeah i have fanfic ideas.

[iamawolfstarsimp]

Sup bitches im back

And ik its been a freaking long ass time since I've actually posted a fic but I've been dealing with alot of business and stress in my personal life and have had absolutely 0 motivation to write but I'm back and hopefully I won't be ghosting ya'll like that again lol

But anywho today I'm stepping a little out of my comfort zone today and writing some drarry (its actually one of my fav ships even though I've never writing for it), it's just a little drabble but hope you like

So yeah enjoy

They hadn't meant for Draco to stay the night in Harry's bunk but by the time Harry had checked his watch, Draco was already set on falling asleep in his arms. (And what kind of person was he to rouse such an adorable sight?)

Harry shifted quietly, rolling over to look at the boy laying next to him.

So he was stuck in his current predicament, and while Draco was the cutest thing while sleepy he was also extremely grumpy. But, at this rate they were going to be late for both breakfast and class.

He hesitantly shook Draco lightly, watching to see his reaction.

The blonde boy stirred slightly and then grumbled and shoved his face back into the pillow beneath him.

Harry sighed through his nose and shook him a little harder, even daring to murmur in Draco's ear to try and wake him.

"Draaaco.." Harry whispered next to the shell of his ear. "Time to get up, love."

"Piss off."

"Come one, it's nearly eight." Harry tugged at his arm.

"Go away, Potter."

Harry huffed and re-thought his course of action.

"If I cuddle with you for five more minutes will you get up?"

There was a long pause where he could practically hear Draco thinking.

"Fine." He mumbled and shifted so Harry could properly cuddle him.

Harry smiled and happily snuggled up with him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. He nestled his head in the crook of his boyfriend's neck, kissing him again.

Harry almost lost track of time by falling asleep again (wasn't his fault that Draco was nice and warm and cozy alright?).

"Alright, five minutes are up." Harry smirked when Draco groaned.

"Noooo..."

"Yeeees." Harry grinned. "Come on, you've slept in enough. Time to get up." Harry poked hin persistently in the ribs a few times. Draco jerked away from him, rolling onto his stomach.

Harry smirked, an idea forming in his head.

"Uh oh... I may have found your weakness Draco." Harry wiggled his fingers into Draco's ribs, eliciting some muffled giggles from the boy beside him.

"H-harry, no!" Draco laughed. He pressed his arms down against his sides but it did nothing to deter his mischievous boyfriend.

Harry continued, dancing his fingers up and down his ribs, kneeding into the bones to hear Draco squeal and kick his feet against the mattress.

"I can do this all day if I have to." Harry said after a few minutes of tickling.

"Stohohop!!" Draco rolled over onto his back, grabbing Harry's hands.

Harry stopped, letting the boy catch his breath and admiring the bright pink blushing dusting his face.

"You ready to get up? Or do I need to convince you more?" Harry darted a hand out of Draco's grip and poked his belly.

"I'm up, I'm up!!" Draco said, jumping out of the bed.

Harry chuckled and grinned. It was so worth getting yelled at by McGonagall for being late and Draco being upset at him for losing house points from Slytherin, though, he could never stay that mad at him for long.

Hope you liked

[leegemma]

#1 for Lee!han yujin

Thank you so much for your request! I was really hoping to write for zb1, so I was really happy and honestly pretty satisfied with how it turned out.

Enjoy:)

(Credits to wyskz on YouTube for the gif!!)

1 - "How much does this tickle from 1-10?"

---------------------------------------

Han Yujin just got back to the dorms after school, he unlocked the door and took off his shoes and backpack. He walked in deeper and looked around to see who was where, finding Gyuvin, Matthew and Hanbin sitting together on the sofa, watching something random on the TV.  Gyuvin was laying between Hanbin's legs, his back pressed to the other's front.

Yujin walked over and threw himself on top of Gyuvin. "Hyunggggg... move!!

Gyuvin whined but played his role of the big brother by wrapping his arms around Yujin's back and hugging him close.

With now the weight of the two boys practically being all on Hanbin the older groaned and tried getting himself out from under them. "Guys! Let me out, you're crashing me!"

Guvin smirked while Yujin giggled. "No thank you, we're good right here."

Hanbin rolled his eyes. "I'll give you five seconds to get off."

"What can this old man do anyways?" Guvin loudly whispered to Yujin, making sure Hanbin will hear it.

"You know what, you don't even deserve five seconds. Matthew,  mind giving me a hand?" Hanbin turned his head to look at the younger who was just quietly watching the three of them with an amused smile.

"Sure, what do you need me to do?" The Canadian asks.

"Just pull the baby off and I'll deal with the other one." Hanbin mentioned his head to the two boys laying on top of him.

"You got it." With a wink, Matthew grabbed Yujin's arm and started pulling.

"Noooo!" Yujin held onto Gyuvin tightly, causing hin the groan in pain.

"Ahh!! Yujin that hurts!!"

"Just reminding you that you encouraged him to do it." Matthew shrugged while still trying to pull the kid off.

"Okay well- Ouch! Off with you!- now I regret it!" Gyuvin gasped when Yujin dug his fingernails into his skin while trying to hold on.

"A bit too late for regrets now, no?" Hanbin smirked.

"Okay, listen- I promise to get off as soon as he's off, but please hurry!" Gyuvin let his head fall back onto Hanbin's shoulder.

"Well, I'm trying to get him off but he's pretty strong for a teenager!" Matthew exclaimed.

Gyuvin sighed and put both his hands on either side of Yujin's sides, not even giving the boy a warning and immediately starting to tickle him.

Yujin gasped in surprise and squirmed but tried his hardest not to laugh and to hold on. All the yuehua boys knew about his weakness already, but he knew if the others were to find out he would never get a minute of peace.

"Hey I think I'm doing it! I really am strong..." Matthew smiled to himself, inspecting his muscles quickly

"Oh please- you did nothing, this is all just this little baby being too ticklish for his own good." Gyuvin smirked and moved his fingers up to Yuvjin's armpits, knowing this will break him.

And it did, Yujin started laughing hysterically,  practically flying off of Gyuvin and landing with his head on Matthew's lap.

While he was gasping for air, Matthew and Hanbin were gasping from shock.

"No way! Is baby bunny ticklish?" Hanbin moved up closer on the couch to Yujin after Gyuvin got off as well.

"Oh yes, the most ticklish bunny out there~~" Gyuvin moved up as well, sitting himself next to Yujin's leg area.

With Hanbin lifting him up slightly so he could sit under his mid area and Matthew raising his arms above his head, Yujin was now getting nervous... "Guys please no!"

"Why not Yujinie?" Matthew asked cheekily, moving both his wrists to one hand and walking his fingers down towards his neck.

"Yeah, why not? If I remember correctly, you used to love when me and Ricky would do this to you, you'd always come back searching for more tickles~" Gyuvin exposed, grinning like a mad man seeing his Yujinie turn as red as a tomato.

"You dohont remehehmember cohorectly!" Yujin giggled out as Matthew was still tickling him lightly.

"Oh yeah? So you don't like this?" Hanbin began digging into his tummy and sides.

Yujin went straight into hysterics.

"Or this? You don't like this?"Gyuvin starting squeezing the boy's knees and thighs.

Yujin was really enjoying himself, but he would never admit that. Why? Because being stubborn = more tickles.

"YOUHAHA GYUHUHUS!!!!" Yujin was screaming at this point.

Hanbin and Matthew were quite amused to say the least, they never heard the youngest laughing this loud before. They will definitely have to do this again.

"Hey Yujin, how much does this tickle from 1-10?"  Hanbin asked, smiling down at the cute boy under him.

"STOHOHOP TEAHASING!!" was Yujin's answer.

"Hey, your hyung asked you a question." Matthew pointed out.

"Yeah, it'll be disrespectful not to answer." Gyuvin nodded along.

"I REHEHALY CAHANT!!"

"We'll stop when you answer!" Hanbin announced.

"10000!" Poor Yujin broke immediately.

"That wasn't even an option." Gyuvin shook his head in disapproval.

The torture continued.

"OKAY! 10!" Yujin gasped for air as the three stopped tickling him.

The all watched the bunny with adoring and loving eyes, all just approaching how adorable he is for a minute.

"You good now?" Hanbin stocked his head.

Yujin nodded, a small smile forming on his face.

Gyuvin spotted that smile immediately,  going in the poke the boy on the side one last time. "We know you love it~~"

With no powers left to argue, Yujin just huffed and rolled his eyes, that shy smile never once leaving. "Shut up."

[tiredinwinter]

Wolfrry got me bad

I read the first two chapters of Lupus Noctis by @avocadoguru and while I already poured my heart out to them in the tags my mind has never left the entire idea of werewolf harry in the last hours <3

See, the thing is I've been obsessed with wolves as a teenager and it's just been my weakness ever since. As I'm from Germany we have quite a number of medival fairs in our area with live bands and acts and there was one band that stuck with me over the years.

I can see that medival fairs and North American national parks might not have too much in common but the lyrics are just ON POINT for this fic (as far as I can tell rn)

See the lyrics in English and German below the cut and follow me into the rabbit hole my wolfs den :>

Durch berstend Venen rauscht, fiebrig heiß mein Blut Mein Blick verzehrt Dich gierig Doch verbrennt in süßer Wut -Was ist mit mir und meiner Lust? Ich folge Dir ganz unbewusst Weh mir, oh weh, oh weh,ich suche Deine Näh´ Ich suche Deine Näh´ Ich rieche Deinen Duft und spüre Deine Angst Mein Herz schlägt wild, Es sticht die Brust Wenn Du nach mir verlangst Und der Mond erleuchtet hell Die Nacht, sie wird zum Tag Und ein Rausch aus roter Quell In unseren Träumen lag Und wir waren wie ein Sturm Und flogen übers Land Leidenschaft und Schmerz Warn uns ewig eingebrannt Oh zitternd Körper wehr Dich nicht, solang Du es vermagst Ich still nur meinen Durst Meinen Hunger, der mich plagt Was ist mit mir und meiner Lust? Ich geb mich hin ganz unbewusst Weh mir, oh weh, oh weh, Dass ich nicht widersteh Dass ich nicht widersteh Leidenschaftlich fühlst Du Meinen Nackenbiss Ein Leben in Glückseligkeit Ist beiden nun gewiss Und der Mond erleuchtet hell Die Nacht, sie wird zum Tag Und ein Rausch aus roter Quell In unseren Träumen lag Und wir waren wie ein Sturm Und flogen übers Land Leidenschaft und Schmerz waren uns ewig eingebrannt

And for everyone keen on the English translation, I translated this more or less of the bat

Through bursting veins, my feverishly hot blood bursts My gaze consumes you greedily But burned in sweet rage -What is it about me and my lust? I follow you unconsciously Woe betides me(3x), if I'm trying to get close to you I'm trying to get close to you

I smell your scent and feel your fear My heart beats wildly, It stings in my chest When you demand for me

And the moon shines brightly Night becomes day And a roar of red waves (?? this is a tough one) lies in our dreams And we were like a storm And raged across the country Passion and pain Have been etched in our skin eternally Oh trembling body don't resist, for as long as you have the strength I only quench my thirst, my hunger that plagues me

-What is it about me and my lust? I follow you unconsciously Woe betides me(3x), if I'm trying to get close to you I'm trying to get close to you Passionately you feel me biting yor neck A life of peace and happiness is now of certainty

And the moon shines brightly Night becomes day And a roar of red waves (?? this is a tough one) lies in our dreams And we were like a storm And raged across the country Passion and pain Have been etched in our skin eternally

So yeah, kudos to you if you've read all the way to this point! Hope you enjoyed this bit of German culture and maybe see the parallels that I saw.

This was a nostalgic roller coaster ride and now that I've at least typed it out to send it into the void here I might be able to get some sleep :D

And also sorry to @gurugirl and @fkinavocado if this is absolutely not your vibe for the story, I just thought I'd share the madness that happened in my head this evening! Keep up the great work loves!!! <3

[crmsnmth-journal]

7/18/2024 10:52 PM

You ever have one of those days that is great, without any real reason? That's what I had today. I mean, it was a smooth day and everything just clicked, but still. From the moment I woke up this morning, it's just been a really good day. I needed it. Badly. My brain is doing it's thing again but there was nothing to bitch and whine about. And if you've been paying attention to my journal, there is always something for me to bitch and whine about. It's what I do.

Anyway, I went in to the alley for an hour and did some basic maintenance for the kitchen. And after that I headed to AV (Apple Valley). It was really slow when I got there, so I had some time to get fully accustomed to the line and where everything is it. But when the dinner rush hit at about 4:30-5:00, I jumped on the fryers and just pushed through. And it was fun. For a little bit, we were in the weeds and Joe got kicked off the grill. I stayed on fryers while Shaun (our boss) jumped on the grill. Joe hit plating and we hit our stride. We made it through and at seven, I punched out and for the first time in four years, my boss said thank you. Made a sign of appreciation. I had almost all but forgotten what that felt like. A simple thank you made tonight easily one of the absolute best night I've had in a very very long time. I think AV is going to be a really good fit. I'm actually excited about Sunday, my twelve hour day. Who the fuck is excited about a 12 hour day? The whole goddamn world's gone mad.

I got home at about 7:30 and me and Jonah ended up just talking to almost ten. I feel so proud of hin. I still can't get over what a change he's made in the past six or seven months. It's like talking to a completely different person, Twice now we've ended up have conversations for a few hours, and not even realizing how long we'd been shooting the shit. It sure didn't feel like a couple hours. It's such a relief to see him become an adult. I mean, there's stuff that he does that's going to irritate me, but I thin that's pretty common in brothers. I never really realized it, but him and I are a lot alike in a lot of ways.

I wish I could see my other brother. I miss him being around. And I know he's on a really dark path and I don't want to see it, but at this point what can I do? I love Alex to death and would do anything for him and his family, without question. But I hate watching him fall so hard. I miss talking with him for hours about nothing. And god, I really miss my nephews. It still seems to damn quiet every morning without Bird in his playpen, chatting away. Or Z being the goofiest little ball of energy he could possibly be. I still have hope in them and a lot of faith that they will bounce back. I did. And if I can do it, so can they. Like I said, I love them all dearly, and would do anything to help them. I'm not even mad at them. I mean, I was, but that faded and was replaced with just a real deep sense of disappointment.

I cant end today with those thoughts to, so it's time to go be a misery poet and write until my meds kick in and put me under.

God, I really needed today.

[picklewednesday]

you have to tell me more about the autism turtle

I have no idea where to start talking about how so I'm just gonna tell you about whig donatello I prefer and why.

2018 (rotTMNT) Donnie is more of a mad scientist and while it suits his character perfectly, and there are so many things that make this incarnation if hin so unique and amazing I have to admit that I do prefer 2012 Donnie, personality wise.

2012 Donnie shows him having autistic traits, maybe even some more obvious ones that 2018 Donnie which is confirmed to be autistic (from what I've watched so far, anyway.)

2012 Donnie is shown to be a lot more nerdy which would make sense for a kid who was sheltered his entire life, whereas the 2018 version shows the group as if theyve been going outside of the sewers their entire life.

I do love the 2018 Donnie both stylistically and personality wise but I do love a tall fucker that's just a nerd and infodumps constantly....... I mean look at him. hes just a guy.

[anthonyreadsthecards]

Well lovely friend it is review time but before I go into it I want to say that should you ever want that reading, feel free to come my way and I'd be happy to do it for you. After all, you have helped me a LOT over this at least year since I got to be graced with your account. That may sound dramatic but it means a lot to get insight on a situation from someone just neutral and looking from the outside within.

Tw: mentions of abuse, family issues, gaslighting, manipulation, deadnaming, misgendering, there just is a lot tbh.

As for the review though: Once again you knocked it out of the park. It seems since he and I even first met (we had a VERY rocky start to our relationship as I only actually met him when I was about 6 1/2 years old), it feels like I was just fighting an uphill battle and losing immensely. To try and do this in a way that won't accidentally throw anyone in a loop via triggers, my dad definitely was a king at finding different ways to abuse me. Verbally, emotionally, mentally, you name it he did it. He was EXTREMELY neglectful to where I know if I was wise and called DCF, he would have definitely gotten in trouble, to the point where I most likely would not have been in his care. Why I never called or told anyone? I felt so afraid he would get mad because of his reputation being ruined.

Truth be told I was in denial for years I had any real "daddy issues" but it definitely is hitting me hard. As all my friends over the years would say, he was the "typical Asian dad (he is Korean; note: not all Asian parents are like this and I know that)" who literally would punish me in cruel and unusual ways or basically "discipline me" to leave it vaguely should I get anything lower than an A. He told me that if I was not trying to be a doctor, lawyer, or anything that made money, I'd forever be picking up garbage off the side of the road and I'd be in and out of jail like my mother, brother, and sister (my brother and sister are my half siblings, I was his only child). This has been about 20 years almost of him just using me, abusing my kindness and the issues between hin and I run deep and his side of the family essentially just blames his cerebral palsy for his lack of empathy and care while I grew up and literal neglect. Like, I'm sorry but who fights with a kid over lunch money or having more than Dustin's (a BBQ place) leftovers in the house to eat? Or to fight with them over things like school supplies and clothes because kids grow???

Ironic enough? I got SUPER lucky that I had some very kind friends who noticed I was in a VERY bad place mentally and I had actually done it to where I cut that side of the family off temporarily. My mom's side of the family despite not being that much better were kind enough to protect my location and would not let them near me, but they called my work constantly where one of the friends and I worked as my dad is one of the supervisors of the entire place and so kuch so that he almost got my friend fired and my boss even was about ready to call the cops.

So I caved. I felt guilty because at the time our relationship was decent enough and really it was my aunt I got very concerned over about other frightening stuff. So I finally talked to them all again and guess what? Nothing changed. I had a literal mental breakdown and they basically accepted the answer but still said it was not a good reason. To them? Literal depression that just keeps getting worse because of what my dad and his family does does not matterbeven if they say it does. Even when I have many times told them the things they say and do hurt me, they claim they are not at fault.

Now here we are again. This past year, nothing has changed and it is just slowly getting worse again. My dad scrutinizes every little thing I do. He deadnames me, misgenders me, and so much more despite him supposedly accepting that I am genderfluid and am not comfortable with my deadname and so forth. The only person who did actually care was my halmeoni (my grandmother aka his mom). I even expressed that I didn't get time with her like my cousins did and feel like the only way I can really keep myself connected with her was to learn Korean culture and the language because otherwise I did not feel Korean enough. He flat out told me if I wanted to be Korean so bad I could go to South Korea but she chose to come to America so I should be happy.

Especially as of late, my depression once again has gotten worse. It's so much so that I cannot recall a time I was actually free from it and of course, signs around me begin just popping up around me about how I just need to leave it all behind. Music for me is a big one, but I have seen it in films, media I consume and more. Literally just went to a concert for Aurelio Voltaire and I had been a fan of his for almost 15 years and he told us all his story about how heeft a toxic environment because he literally was going to if you will- commit unalive until he met some very helpful people and left. I NEVER heard that story of his but it hit me hard that night and now his song Raised by Bats is something I take solace in. I already wanted to move, but this gave me more reason at the time to do so. Shoot, I am even sure Odin whom I had not entirely had contact with lately due to me trying to get my medical issues sorted even slapped some hints right at my face too. This right here? This reading just is the final straw on the camel's back. For years I was the friend who would help others leave toxic families and relationships of any kind and give them a shoulder to cry on. Me? It is hard for me to do it myself. I always felt crazy whether I just was over exaggerating or not on his twists from what seems like a supportive father to a monster. Even friends who once respected him now tell me to leave. So thank you for this. This really helps put the nail in the coffin on what kind of game plan I need to make and I truly feel like me meeting Voltaire and seeing this after is definitely some divine knock on the door. I got to talk to Voltaire after the show too and he told me the story of a character in his book he was making, there was a character in his book with my name (just one letter differently but his name is Artorius not Artorias) who originally worked with the villains and he was the first to see that everything went too far. That enough was enough.

So to anyone else that is in my shoes and can try to leave such things? I'll give you the same words Voltaire gave me in hopes it helps:

"Enough it Enough. It's time to leave now."

Ok first things first you get a hug because...just damn my guy that breaks my heart that you had to go through that. Thank you for sharing your story with me and with whomever else reads this post. I understand wanting to hold out but you said it yourself a parent wouldn't act this way to their kid. I wish you all the best and I hope that you can find a place where you can be away from him and flourish with the people who truly do love you. Thank you, for all of this, and have a wonderful rest of your week.

[sexydreamgirl]

i need serious advice, pls help!!

so i've been talking to this guy for THREE months and he's confessed his feelings for me, saying i make hin happy and i made him feel loved. I honestly like him so much, idk if its stupid to say its love but i feel like im close to it.

so basically i have deep feelings for him already. the problem is, i just found out hes a fcking neo nazi. IM A BLACK GIRL!??!

i found out because he got the confidence to show his face and im calling him cute and everything and eventually i showed my face and he sent "oh my fucking god" and i was like what? and then he stops texting me for 2 DAYS!

so when he texts me back he says "please dont be mad" and then tells me everything. he wants me to stay with him because he will "change" and the only reason he become a fcking nazi was because he was hurting and like

im so distraught because this is the first guy or even person i've EVER felt such strong feelings for. i dont know what to do, can i manifest that hes not a nazi anymore? is it wrong for me to stay with him? im honestly so upset like i just someone to help me

.... I was NOT ready for this at all 😭 There's so much to tackle and I think I'm gonna start off by saying that your safety is above manifesting so honestly straight up I would say stay away from him..... Yes you can manifest him not being like that anymore and it's not my place to judge your decision but I would discourage it even though you can definitely resolve the issue. However you go about it is absolutely up to you but please please stay safe. Also keep in mind that it's possible his friends and family might have that same mentality as well. You could also consider manifesting someone with the same characteristics about him that you like minus the n*zism. Please be careful!!!!!!!

[hellishhin]

Since today is the last challenge day, Day 30 is all yours: Tell me something you wish I'd asked you, and didn't cross my mind! Rubber duck it out or simply talk as much or as little as you want about something from your wip or your wip in general! I'd really love to hear your thoughts😊

(You already know how much I love your three girls. And you've taught me so much lore about dnd?? I'm very very grateful. Your answers were always so rich and I loved reading them to the end, sometimes I was pulled right in that I even forgot it was my question that started the prompt)

Wishing you the best!

Ok so I had a whole post for this then my computer shut off and I lost it soooo take two! I am so sad underwing is ending but it's not like we are all disappearing. Let me tell you though, I have absolutely loved your questions and I have had so much fun diving into them! I needed to get back into the lore and you gave me the push I needed to do that <3

Gosh I have no freaking clue where to even start. You tell me to talk about anything but anything is a lot of things! lol! So I really think one of my favorite things is how Sadie interacts with the gods. There are so many different gods with different personalities and so many of them appreciate her for one reason or another. I'll just spoil this a bit, Sadie ended up literally in the heavens, standing in the middle of a table where the entire pantheon of deities were around the table all in their fifteen foot tall god-like forms. They had this meeting called because there were several gods vying to have Sadie bear their child and she had enough of being jumped by gods so she forced them all to a meeting and they surprisingly agreed.

She had most of the table trying to convince her to pick them to be the father of her child and you freaking BET that her husband was there and was absolutely ready to blow his freaking lid. It was one of the most fun RP scenarios we've ever done, my DM and I. Because of that meeting, Sadie eyed a few different gods and even after she chose one the others were still very interested in being next in line. I will say that this is how Sadie and Skolfi the Beastlord became close with her. But other than that, Sadie also has such a close relationship with Chaldira, aka Lady Luck.

Ok so there's just so much stuff and telling this one part is not going to spoil much. History timeeeee! When Sadie learns about this it is really profound for her but it won't be worse knowing the information beforehand gosh I can't even type fast enough I'm so excited.

So the Hin is the official racial name for a halfling. Halflings are a "nickname" given by the humans that stuck and became the common term for that race of small people. But the Hin used to be an entire nation all on their own. They used to have such rich customs and history and they used to live completely separate from humans. They even had their own pantheon of gods.

That was until the humans decided that they couldn't have another set of gods within their realm so they attacked the Hin and said worship our gods or die. There were so many brave small Hin who stood up for their deities but unfortunately it was not enough. The Hin had to bow to the humans and their gods. Years and years went by and the Hin ended up becoming halflings who were forced to worship the human gods to such an extent that their pantheon was fully forgotten. Their culture fully destroyed. I can say pretty much nobody even knows this piece of history. Sadie only learned it from the spirits of the halflings who had died a long time ago but research into it found it to be true. This upset her so so much that she made a pledge she would restore her gods to their former glory. She would tell the Hin of their culture, their history, and get them to return to what their people used to be.

Chaldira is halfling goddess who is actually in the human pantheon. This happened because Tolaar the Mad God did what he does best. He went mad and killed the human goddess of luck many years ago. This had him banished to Pandemonium, no longer a part of the pantheon anymore. In order to have her place and domain filled, Chaldira was put in her place and sort of switched pantheons. Then the humans made the Hin forget the other Hinnish gods and when they lose worshippers they lose power, nearly fading away. But they all managed to continue existing and now they are gaining power because Sadie is raising awareness.

Seeing what she is doing, Chaldira blesses Sadie with Fatespinner, her artifact of luck. It's an amazing staff for Sadie that gives her more magic, it protects her, and she continues to unlock powers for it as she proves herself to Chaldira and prove her loyalty to the Hinnish gods. But if she upsets Chaldira, like she already did once, Chaldira will take powers away. Currently the rod is at about half power from what it was because she cursed the gods and threw it away when she had to watch her soldiers die on the battlefield and nobody she called on would help.

But I digress. Chaldira and Maelel are like her goddess mothers. They both come to her when she desperately needs them and they help steer her in the right direction. Sometimes she doesn't like that direction though. Her husband convinces her to do less than great things and so she basically has a devil and an angel on her shoulder but it's more like a hot devil she married and two goddesses which you can imagine the kind of pressure that puts her under. It's always a stairway to heaven and a highway to hell because its so much easier and more fun to go to hell.

So anyway that was kind of rambly but I really wanted to talk about the Hinnish gods. They are all so sweet and lovely and the Hin deserve so much more than what the stupid fucking humans did to them. Also, in order to be successful at all Sadie literally has to overthrow the church because you can bet your ass they will persecute any Hin they catch worshipping the wrong pantheon.

By this point all I ask is that you hate the Imperial Church as much as Sadie and I do <3

[vanillann]

Evening, I've come for a ship (criminal minds and stranger things) if you dont mind. I'm definitely seeing you with reid but also you and garcia would be great freinds!

Names bug, I'm a short goblin he/they who is super into dudes (despite being asexual) I come off as shy and innocent at first but like most once you know me I dont shut up. I'm constantly rambling about anything interesting. Atm it's been sanrio, beastars, and lalaloopsy (not sure why I'm still into them, btw lalaloopsy dolls are mad expensive now) I collect anything, soda tabs, marble soda bottles, rubber ducks ANYTHING! Huge into reading and art.

Romantically I'm very dense and hard to flirt with so I've been told. I'm secretly a very fluffy hopeless romantic who love giving gifts and affection but my anxiety holds me back and makes it super hard to pursue anyone T_T

Anyway I've talked to long, hope your doing well! Thanks for reading! ♡

the fact you’d think me and garcia would be friends make mr heart fly with happiness!! thank you!!

i ship you with jonathan byers!

i can imagine him taking pictures of your collections for some reason

like it’s probably super cool for him to look at

also i feel like jonathan likes you kinda shy at first because he’d get so overwhelmed so fast

he’d definitely like listening to you talk while he take pictures

“bug! look this way!”

y’all would have your own way of flirting that only you two know

because y’all are both not really into that so it easier that way

I CAN IMAGINE YOU BUYING HIM FLIM ALL THE TIME CAUSE YOU KNOW HE NEEDS IT BUT HE HATES GOING INTO THE STORE

i feel like like work well because you both grew up around each other so you’ve always kinda knew each other

y’all definitely love soft touches

and FOREHEAD KISSES OMGOMGOMG

the amount of pictures he has of you talking about your favorite things is insane

i feel like he would be asexual too so that makes everything a little easier too

i feel like since he slouches hes actually taller than most know so you being short is so cute to him

and y’all will be joking as he’ll stand up all the way and it would be so funny 

ALSO WOULD PUNCH SOMEONE WHO FUCKED WITH YOUR PRONOUNS I KNOW IT IN MY SOUL

he definitely make will draw him a picture of a bug cause of your name

would find a rock and give it too you because “it’ll look good in your collection”

y’all definitely are the softest couple EVER

i ship you with spencer reid!

he definitely found your name so interesting

OMG I COULD IMAGINE HIN GETTING YOU SOCKS WITH BUGS ON THEM AS A GIFT!!!!

YALL RAMBLING TOGETHER OMG OMG

CUTIES

he would buy you a lalaloopsy 100%

he wouldn’t even know what he was doing and probably asked this random kid about them in the store

again you would have your own way of flirting that worked for you too

definitely compliments about character instead of physical appearance

he would tell you facts about the things in your collection

i also believed he’d be asexual also but like he never really calls it that but he explains it you know

y’all probably danced around each other for like 4 years before morgan made y’all talk

morgan, you, and reid are the coolest friends ever

i feel like he would take small thing for certain cases (solved ones and they aren’t important) for your collection sometimes

YALL WOULD FINISH EACH OTHER SENTENCES

like hotch would ask a question

and you and reid would ramble and not a soul could stop either of you

“bug- reid- uhm, okay whatever.”

he’d hold your hand under the table in the jet

little shared smiles

you’d kill anyone that hurt him

please enjoy and send in a ship!

[kkpaaw]

Here is my second boi Asui! I told ya I would make another oc n I did lmao. Nah I made him a bit ago too(not as long ago as Vio tho like i made hi this year lmao) anyway let me tell ya about this boi

Asui

○ Full name: Asui (A-su-e)

○ Alias: Sammie(by Vio)

○ Age: 20

○ Date of Birth: 01/20/XXXX

○ Sex: Male

○ Gender: Male

○ Species: Pop Troll

○ Voice: Sam Tsui

○ He's a Bisexual boi

PERSONALITY: 

|| + Playful | + Bright | + Energetic || = Flirty | = Silly | = Bold ||- Forgetful |- Snappy |- Oblivious

Asui is what your would call, energetic. He has a lot of energy and spends it all being the life of the party. Hes bold, silly and is alwasy looking for a reason to break out in a dance. Hes extremely playful and loves playing jokes and joking around with his friends. He has a very weak memory however and tends to forget alot pf things really quickly. Piling that ontop of the fact that hes oblivious as fuck and you got a recipe for disaster. He doesn't liek the fact that other trolls point it out and tends to sbal slot if he loses his patience(which happens if u push hin too far), but overall he is just a bubbly boy with a big heart

○ Likes: 

+ Sweets

+ Night time

+ Swimming

+ Eating(big eater)

+ Having fun

○ Dislikes: 

x Being yelled at

x Heights

x His weak memory

x Spicy Food

x Screeching

RELATIONSHIPS:  

○ Sweetheart: None

○ Friends:

Vio | R&B Troll | Alive

"My best friend! We have been traveling together for years and I couldn't ask for a better companion!"

Cher | Country/R&BTroll | Alive

"Shes funny! She has a good heart but snaps at me alot whenever I get hurt, but I'm not mad cuz I know it means she worried about me!"

○ Allies:

○ Enemies:

HISTORY

Asui is a Pop troll born to parents Gumdrop and Bass, who at the time(and still are) travelers. For Asui's family, being on the road is all they know. A long time ago, long before Asui was born, his family actually ended up somehow getting separated from the Pop troll tribe and was never able to find them again so they just accepted that and started traveling, somehow never coming across the tribe ever again.

Every since he was young Asui always had a passion for dancing and would always spend hours trying to come up with new dance moves much to his parents amusement. He even preferred dancing over singing and dreamed of becoming somewhat of a famous dancer one day. This dream is actually what inspired him into go off traveling when he turned 18. His parents wanted tiem to remain with them till he was at least 20 but he managed to convince them that he was ready. So soon after he turned 18 he gathered his stuff and went off on his own.

It was difficult at first, hes never been on his own before so he got lost and injured. A lot. Eventually after a couple weeks of traveling he managed to get the hang of it and managed to get insured and lost a lot less(though it still happened because he's clumsy as all hell). He eventually ended up meeting Vio and after a few says of getting to know eachother decided to travel together, going off to who knows where. They have been traveling buddies ever since.

Link To My Other Oc:

[boyackamo-blog]

Hamilton teachers!au

Part 1

Alexander Hamilton

- tired social studies teacher

- dictates so quickly that you will only have time to write down the date, and he will already tell the whole paragraph

- wears glasses on the nose or on the head. In the second case he sometimes forgets where they are and asks the poor children to find it

- his writing on the blackboard is worse then you had in 4 years, and all because the handwriting is too clumsy and angular

-in his lessons, you must know the subject, otherwise you get C

-his lessons are completely silent, because everyone is really listening

-"the school is not to blame if a person" * puts his hands in the mouthpiece* "HAS PROBLEMS WITH HEAD"

- by the end of the year, you have to attach the leaves to the 96-page notebooks, because of writing

- does not check homework, and does not ask. "just learn the notes please"

- argues with Thomas believing that his subject is more important, because: "your entire history without certain rules of society and politics is just a solid list of stupid numbers and some guys with balls"

- there is always a mug of coffee on his table

- treats students with respect. sometimes comes up with funny nicknames, like: comrade, woodpecker

- doesn't get along with technologies. He doesn't need to.

- "how should i turn on this thing if THERES SO MANY BUTTONS." *breaks the computer* "well.. okAy class, today we exist without presentation.. again"

- so many aphorismes, like so many

- on the same wavelength as the students

-"this week you have a test and.. the o f f s e t"

- *groaning in the background*

- all those who studied with him passed exams only with good grades

- "you're a tough guy, i see"

John Laurens

- funny biology teacher

- knows his subject perfectly and will easily give you F if you don't know it

- it is easy to find hin in school due to:

• loud laughter

• curls sticking out in all directions

- if John is sick, the children just watch the cartoons about biology

- you can find anything in his office table, except pens

- sometimes it causes some difficulties to the whole class

- "can i borrow your pe- well no is no"

- in a day can use a pack of chalk because of hundreds of drawings

- "and this is what you need to pass final exams"

- has a habit of biting pens and losing pencils behind the ears

- uses the same pencils to fix the hair

- treats favorite students with homemade cookies

- he loves it when former students come to school, because then you can ask them to take him away from here

- honestly, this school didn't deserve him

- there is a small turtle and a snake named Thomas in the class

- founded the "no one edicts fashion" squad, with the help of his hoodies with stupid phrases

- very concerned about the environment

-" IS THIS A PLASTIC CUP? NOW USE IT FOR A MONTH"

- always late for school meetings and student councils

- "I'm sorry I'm late. Not really, because I didn't want to come"

- "it would be better to arrange an ecological week"

- don't let him fall asleep while he's watching animal planet

- a can of Baltika 9 (another beer) is always hidden in the table

- he wanted to become a doctor and treat children, but became a teacher and now he is treated by a psychiatrist

- once he confused the class and almost told the sixth-graders about intercourse

Gilbert Lafayette

- teaches foreign languages

- French accent from nowhere

- aue Parlez-vous français

- in English pliz

- every vacation rolls around Europe

- where he brings a bunch of stories and tells the students

- presentations✨

- prefers to devote time to the spoken language so that children really SPEAK

- on teacher's day, he receives an insanely large number of gifts and holds back tears of joy

- believes that mental health is very important. So, if you are very bad mentally, you will be told to stay at home or sent there

- at high school, he teaches kids to swear in French, because everyone knows English anyway

- if half the school in love with Jefferson, the other half definitely caught the crash on this man

- curly bun, which he constantly corrects if he is nervous

- "I did not think about a career as a teacher in my youth, because I wanted to become a linguist"

- travel to a couple with Elisa

- he gets seasick on buses, so don't even try to talk to him on the road

- almost always in a good mood

- no FIGHTS!!!

- seriously, very scrupulous about the relationship between students and teachers

- "Well don't give him a bad grade look he's an excellent student and such a sweetheart"

- cool story about travel throughout September

- there are no control works in his lessons, but there are tests, so you can always use the magic poking

- "if you do not know the answer, then poke at the most attractive expression for you. Maybe it's the véritable réponse"

- the principal wanted to kick him out of school because of his black nails, but no one told fashion how to function

- to the glory of God he burrs like a kitten

Hercules Mulligan

- pe teacher

- arranges a foot day

- loves to play sports with children, but can't because of professionalism

- mountain of muscles

- "my grandmother ran faster"

- but he runs very slowly

- "nothing, it's just a little rain outside," he says, standing under an umbrella

- if you are not a sports person at all and prefer not to take the form, then you will have to take a textbook and read it

- "don't want to play volleyball, lad? So, go to the pitch"

- but girls can practice yoga

- can't judge because he's too proud of the kids and wants to give everyone points

- favorite lessons with first graders

-is afraid to accidentally crush them, because he is too high and wide, and they are small cockroaches

- but at the same time afraid to go into the corridor, because it is a hellhole

- "WHERE DID YOU PUT THE BALLS, YOU LITTLE ASSHOLES???"

- were you named after a cartoon??

- people call him George, which makes him mad

- looks like might kill you, but he's actually a sweet caramel bun

- afraid of spiders. Very, very. And there are no mops in the gym. At the sight of furry climbs on a rope and hangs there

- "BRUSH IT OFF WITH A BROOM. BRUSH IT OFF WITH A BROOM"

- children, of course, love him, but sometimes they are afraid when lessons start on the street. There was a time when children ran around the school and he appeared from around corners to catch those who did not run

-Walks funny, slightly pigeon-toed

- the loudest teacher in the entire school, he can be heard literally everywhere. Even if he doesn't scream

- nanny for the kindergarten, which consists of Alex, Gilbert and John

- once got mad and gathered teams in volleyball, basketball, football and cricket.

- got the nickname "Bear" from high-schoolers because of his gait and strong hugs

------------

writing for the first time, sorry for mistakes~

[kissmymongoose]

Me and my granny found a giant tomato worm on my uncles plants. Hes gonna go fishing 😁.

Im sick with a respiratory virus and a sinus infection. 😷😭

Me and peeper are chilling, shes trying to preen my hair and it tickles! She's right though, its a mess at the moment. Like i said, sick, so whatever lol. I havent even gotten dressed for the day. The kids have been gone to school for almost an hour lol. I need to get the hell up.

I gotta go water my garden before it gets much later. We didnt see the first drop of rain! My uncle Neal had some real bad weather last night, but they stayed safe. I got to talk to hin for about 20 minutes yesterday and i love it. I miss him and his family so much. We go to the beach together each time, but im upset, because i didnt get any pictures of us like I try to do each time. I want to go spend about a week with him, maybe even for spring break. Ill bring the kiddos and david can drive lol. I love him and my aunt and my cousins. Neal has a way of making me feel like my poppa did. Safe and loved and respected. He can be an ass, but he has a truly amazing heart.

Anyway. I guess i need to get my butt up and water the garden. Peeper is gonna be mad, firstly cause shes about to have to go to her cage, but secondly because today is bird bath day. And this little bird and i have NOT found the easiest solution yet. I think ill try wet cotton swabs for a "sponge" bath. She can not stand getting her feet wet!

Ive got the first season of Invader Zim on Amazon right now. I still havent seen the movie on Netflix. My dad was on strike for a bit and i didnt want to get in the way of his chilling lol. Hes back at work now, and I could go today if i felt like it. I'm probably gonna wait until monday though, im hoping to get rid of this cough first.

Alright, garden time. Then I gotta run by a friends house. So im gonna have to change. Lol.

Gonna chat with a friend. Water the garden, chill with my bird, etc.

[asintoticamente]

There's this friend of my bf's that I've known for like.. 4 years sort of but she's like the sort of person who's really nice to like her five friends and a complete stuck up bitch to anyone else. Anyway, she and my bf are like friends but not like super tight friends just catch up once in a while friends yk. I've been putting up with her for his sake but she'd getting really rude to me as time passes she literally behaves like i'm not there when we happen to be in the same room like she'll greet her friends and then like act like im invisible for hours. I've told hin this lately cos its been kinda bothering me, and i was like "look maybe i'm exaggerating so you see next time like watch her behaviour towards me"

So today we got together cos someone wanted to play risk lmao (i won btw) and it was 5 of us including her, she literally walked in and greeted everyone but me and proceeded to ignore me for four hours while sitting directly across from me

Btw she acts this way with anyone not in her lil friend circle because like she's too special for commoners or smt lmfao whatever

Anyway my bf noticed that like even if i said smt to her she'd like not even bother replying and he got really mad and he was telling me tonight that that's totally disrespectful of her and if she actually cared for him as a friend she would have at least made the effort to be civil to me and if she cant even do that then he's not about to be involved with her anymore and tbh? Good i love him and im glad he noticed this behaviour of this toxic shithead