#and i looked really hard for that basis but mostly it seems nobody even believes they need to justify what theyre selling

[laundryandtaxes]

When the whole thing is said and done, I hope that what comes out of the medical scandal of pediatric transition is an understanding not just of the fact that it's important not to let ideology guide practice such that real physicians tell outright lies, ideological abstractions, and/or functionally religious beliefs (that one may have been born in the wrong body, or that one may have the wrong variety of brain in their body, or that one could possibly be "harmed" by going through one's natural puberty in and of itself, etc) to patients who are literally too young to distinguish between lies and truth, but also an understanding that what happened here on the whole with the medical approach to gender dysphoria was a total abdication of duty to provide least invasive practices first, total refusal to provide justification for the practice of selling extreme body modification to people who are at least often obsessively convinced that something is wrong with their body when medicine doesn't do this regularly for any other patients with body distress, total failure of safeguarding practices in a patient group very likely to contain vulnerable and otherwise emotionally distressed patients, and most of all a refusal to even try to address the mental health concerns of a group of people that these physicians just decided on no basis (there are no large studies comparing overall outcomes with transition treated as an actual variable, wherein some people are given one treatment, others none, others another treatment, underlying this practice) were too ill to respond to all of the practices we have already accepted as approaches to psychological distress.

This is at the heart of why ROGD has so many people freaked out- sure, those people who show signs of extreme gender nonconformity in childhood, who grow more distressed than normal at the onset of puberty because it means a loss of the androgyny that protects so much of child gender nonconformity, who are likely to grow into crossdressing homosexual or bisexual adults, who are more likely than other people to struggle with obsessive and compulsive tendencies, who are more likely to struggle to connect with other people socially, I'm sure they require surgical and hormonal body modification in order to live happy and healthy lives, but I am quite sure that no such treatment is right for my sweet, outgoing, heterosexual daughter who until 6 months ago was never very gender nonconforming. People like her deserve extra safeguarding so that the only treatment medicine ever even attempted at scale for this psychological problem is reserved for the people who truly cannot be integrated into society any other way. It is really quite deeply offensive that, because very gender nonconforming people are less valued, we got none of the normal safeguarding or study or approach to treatment that people who approach doctors with broken bones or other physical problems receive. Of course there is always some very real chance that we just happened upon the "right" treatment, but for one thing we don't know that because we simply never tried anything less invasive the way one normally does in medicine (let alone actual comparative studies different potential treatment options) and for another it's currently being sold to people using ideological abstractions or functionally religious concepts that have no basis in reality like the concept of being born in the wrong body. Those are both problems no matter how long medicine is allowed to continue ignoring them, which by the way will not be forever. If medicine cannot reign itself in, if it cannot police itself, then the only actors left to reign it in are all much more susceptible to their own forms of ideological capture than medicine was, such as state legislatures, which is bad for everyone in the same way that state intervention in doctor/patient decisions is almost always bad for everyone.

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

"Tom Riddle effectively destroys the country from the inside out, which I believe was his true goal the entire time" (c) wait a second, so you think that he wasn't going to really take over or anything, just destroy the fuck out of w britain?

I have avoided this ask long enough.

I’ll start by saying that asking me about Tom Riddle is like staring down into a bottomless rabbit hole. We could travel down that path, but it is a dark and perilous journey, and by the end of it I will come out looking like the Mad Hatter.

It also requires a few prerequisites that you’re just going to accept as true (or else got off the crazy train here).

We know very little about Tom Riddle or Voldemort

What we do know of Tom Riddle comes to us from suspect sources

I’m just going to go out there and start with the basis that Tom is not crazy

Elaborating a little on number 1. We never actually see much of Tom Riddle or Voldemort directly. He’s a bit like Thanos in the MCU, or Palpatine in the first two movies of the Original Trilogy, he’s this looming threat that we pass by and glimpse every once in a while but never really get quality time with.

Generally, Voldemort makes an appearance in a moment of crisis.

He and Harry fight over the philosopher’s stone for Tom’s very survival. He and Harry fight over the diary for Tom’s very survival. He resurrects himself with Harry as a witness. We get those very strange dreams from Voldemort’s perspective (half of which we later learn are fabricated).

None of these really lend to our, or Harry’s for that matter, understanding of Tom Riddle. There’s too much going on, it usually happens far too fast, and there’s usually something Tom Riddle desperately wants or needs that eclipses all other concerns or else he has an audience.

This is part of the reason we get those Halfblood Prince pensieve lessons: Harry knows nothing of Tom Riddle and doesn’t understand him at all.

Which leads us, of course, to number 2, most of what we know about Tom Riddle comes from Dumbledore. I’ve talked about this before, so I won’t spend much time on it, but Dumbledore has a very clear agenda in relaying these memories to Harry. Dumbledore already has strong suspicions of what objects are horcruxes and where they’re located, he already has Snape as a very reliable agent to continue work when he’s gone, his job here is to convince Harry there is no path but suicide. And that involves portraying Tom Riddle as the most evil man who ever eviled, was born eviler than the antichrist, and will die eviler than the antichrist. 

Now, does this make Tom necessarily good or bad? No.

However, it does mean when Dumbledore tells us things like, “See, Harry, an impoverished child was upset when I lit all his belongings on fire! What a monster!” (especially given that, in a similar situation, Harry thought it was hilarious when Hagrid gave Dudley a permanent physical deformity and Harry was told he was an angel child) we should take it with a very large grain of salt.

Right, so, with all that backdrop what I’m getting at is that a) we can’t take Dumbledore at his word b) even if we could he could be wrong c) Harry doesn’t have the introspection to be able to figure himself when a or b is happening. I won’t elaborate on this last much, suffice to say that Harry’s world is very black and white, divided into the camps of those who personally like him and those who don’t.

So, why do I think Tom’s goal was not to rule the wizarding world but instead to destroy it?

A few things.

First, there are so many easier ways he could have ended up ruling the wizarding world. More, even when he effectively does rule the wizarding world in book seven, he takes very strange actions so that he’s never directly in power.

Second, I never really bought Tom’s racism. It’s too convenient and too contradictory with his backstory.

The second first, because we’re going out of order today. I’ve gone over this before, but I don’t believe Tom had minions early and I think he was effectively treated as a muggleborn (see here and here) until he took on the Voldemort persona many decades later. I’m hard pressed to believe someone as intelligent, angry, and proud as Tom Riddle would willingly believe and accept he was inferior to the likes of Abraxas Malfoy. More, even if he wished he was a halfblood, I think the evidence of him being muggleborn would be stacked too high against him to deny even to himself (and when he finds out it’s not true, he has maybe a month or so before he realized that he’s the bastard son of a squib). 

And it’s just so convenient. All the people with the power, with the money, who are itching for a cause against a threat that doesn’t really exist believe in blood purity. Ergo, Voldemort shows up suddenly espousing over the top blood purity rhetoric (rhetoric that directly clashes with his “there is only power” philosophy at that). 

In other words, I think Tom Riddle gave himself a line that he knew would get him places very quickly.

And now for the first. For a guy who has had the entire country in the palm of his hands twice, one time taking it over in a bloodless coup, he’s really big on causing collateral damage and really small on actually doing the ruling thing.

The first wizarding war, Tom Riddle as Voldemort has the backing of the heirs of the most prestigious and wealthy noble houses save a select few. These are people with seats in the Wizengamot, which has a frightening control over the government itself (including the minister of magic). I imagine, in 1980 had Tom Riddle wanted to be elected as Minister of Magic, he would have been elected as Minister of Magic. If he wanted a friendly face in office then he probably could have made that happen to.

More than even this though, by this point, Tom had already won. By having control over the majority of the Wizengamot he owns the government. He’s done, it’s over, it’s finished, and many of the characters admit as much which is why Harry Potter was such a miracle. So why all the seemingly random, exceptionally pointless, terrorism? 

One answer is that Voldemort is crazy bananas. And sure, I guess we can go with that, except for someone insane he’s oddly effective and very consistent. 

I believe Tom was systematically destroying the very foundations of the country through its core aristocratic families. Within a few short years Tom decimates the Black family, it goes from having five heirs to none, and while some of this isn’t Tom’s fault he does take care of quite a few of them. He brands Lucius for life, while Lucius rises high in politics he never escapes the stigma of being a known Death Eater and in the end cannot escape the consequences for his actions. The Malfoy family is very nearly destroyed by the end of the series, had Draco died in the Fiendfyre. The LeStrange family, presumably decimated as well.

More, this is mostly me headcanoning, but I imagine Tom fuels an extremism that the Wizarding World had never contemplated. I imagine, previously, anti-muggleborn sentiment was probably fairly rampant among purebloods. Oh, some were very pro-muggleborn I’m sure, but I think most were fairly “eh” on the people and felt they were a drain on society (such as requiring constant funding for the obliviation department).

However, when Diagon Alley starts getting blown up every other week, when muggleborns start being tortured and murdered, when purebloods who aren’t anti-muggleborn enough are being tortured and murdered, this starts wigging people out in a way they’ve never wigged out before.

By the time we get to Harry Potter’s canon, it is now only a minority that are anti-muggleborn, and they’re perceived as raving lunatics. Nobody wants to be grouped with these people. Which, just goes to show, how much Voldemort rattles the wizarding world in a very small amount of time.

Then there’s Deathly Hallows, rather than become minister himself Voldemort installs a puppet minister. He shows no signs of wishing to change this and instead does things like destroy the sorting hat (which again shakes the very foundations of the wizarding world as whta will we do if we don’t know who’s a Gryffindor anymore?!)

So, where is this ramble going?

Given the results we see, that more than any others it seems to be the purebloods and often Tom’s own followers that suffer colossal losses, I think Tom’s actions are, in part, a means of vengeance against the entire damn wizarding world (but especially the purebloods).

He makes fools of these people, brands them as his slaves, and has them participate in the most over the top ridiculous rituals (the cloaks, the masks, the entire theatrics of it feels like Tom got drunk one night and planned this whole thing out). He destroys them entirely, and better, enables them to completely destroy themselves and the country they believe they’re trying to save.

Basically, I think by the time the series begins Tom is fueled by a nihilist rage that knows no bounds. But dammit all, the wizarding world is going to burn.

[kaizokuou-ni-naru]

The Voyage So Far: Paramount War (Part Two)

east blue (1 | 2) || alabasta (1 | 2) || skypiea || water 7 || enies lobby || thriller bark || paramount war (1 | 2) || fishman island || punk hazard || dressrosa (1 | 2) || whole cake island || wano (1 | 2)

ace’s execution is, in a way, the exception that proves the rule when it comes to one piece’s themes of blood and family. ace is set up to die for the crimes of a father he never knew and never wanted, and he does die here, but in the end he dies for the family he did choose, in the form of luffy, rather than the one he didn’t. 

god do i wish we knew more about ms portgas d. rouge. with ace’s storyline pretty much wrapped it looks unlikely that we’re going to be learning more about her than what we got, which in my opinion is an absolute tragedy, because what little we do know about her is amazing and she’s an absolute badass. oda give us more female ds please.

whitebeard’s power is so cool. it might be one of the visually coolest devil fruits we’ve ever seen, in my opinion. he he causes earthquakes and tsunamis while far past his prime; he pulls the sky apart with his bare hands. this whole arc is world-shaking, and whitebeard’s power is perfectly appropriate for it. 

doflamingo’s speech on justice and rightness is one of the most well-remembered quotes from this whole saga, and rightly so. i’ve always found it fascinating, myself, because he’s right. he dead-on hits how the one piece world works- the world government and the marines rule the world not because of any inherent actual goodness or justice or right, but because they won a war a very long time ago. 

in a way, this reminds me of blackbeard’s line of “people’s dreams never die” from jaya. i like how oda isn’t afraid of letting his villains be right about the themes of the story, sometimes even having better awareness of them than the protagonists. 

man, if i had to pick a single favorite spread out of the whole manga, it might be luffy’s marineford entrance. it’s so epic, and so completely unexpected for everyone else there. absolutely nobody was expecting strawhat luffy to drop out of the sky with a posse including two former warlords. it just makes me grin!! so much!! 

it also gets followed up by a solid two pages of just people’s reactions, from smoker’s “what the HELL is he doing with CROCODILE” to moria’s immediate incoherent rage, and i just love that the world and cast of one piece is so well-established and built up that we know exactly how all of those people know luffy and why they react the way they do. 

going back to what i mentioned in the last post about marineford being luffy’s conflict of interest arc, i’d say it’s also the only time where he isn’t the future king first and foremost. in this arc, before anything else, he’s a little brother.

there are a lot of what-if moments in marineford. moments where you kind of have to ask “what if this specific thing hadn’t happened, had gone differently?” would things have turned out differently? squard’s betrayal is one of them. does this change the outcome? would whitebeard have been able to survive if not for this injury? there’s no way to know. marineford is a lot of little tragedies, and they just pile up and up.

marineford has just so many incredibly striking spreads. all of the momentous moments (and there’s a lot of them, in this arc) are done full justice. this is such an image heavy post just because marineford is such an incredibly visually strong arc. 

conqueror’s haki is so cool and i love the way it’s set up and built up throughout this saga, with luffy’s constant inadvertent uses of it, from duval’s bull to marigold and sandersonia to the wolves in impel down, all leading up to this moment. 

i’ve heard people complain about conqueror’s as kind of a deus ex machina, but i honestly love it, it’s very cool and honestly i think it just seems to fit luffy as a power. if there was ever gonna be a character who turned willpower into a weapon, it would be monkey d. luffy. 

i’m gonna take this chance to talk about garp, because this sequence of panels is heavily implied to be garp’s thoughts just before luffy punches him down, and it hurts. garp is a flawed person who makes some bad choices, and there’s no arguing that, but i think it’s very obvious he really, really cares about his grandsons, even if he never could understand them as people and that they never would have been happy as marines. and that’s just tragic, really. 

the moment ace gets freed and the brief span of time where he and luffy can fight together feel so triumphant, and i think it’s one of the reasons the final tragedy of marineford hits so hard and feels so cruel, because luffy succeeds, here. he saves ace. he gives absolutely everything he had and makes it, and saves ace. the ultimate failure isn’t his. there was nothing more he could have done. 

the first time i was reading one piece, i hit this page (which is also the last in the volume) and had to put the book away, take the bus downtown, wander around for a few hours, and buy myself some candy and some new books before i started feeling okay again.

the thing about ace’s death, i think, is that it’s a tragedy, but it also feels so completely essential to the story going forwards and luffy’s character growth specifically that it’s really, really hard to imagine one piece without it. there are a lot of (really excellent!) fix-fics out there for marineford, and although those are often really good and their authors super talented, i think it’s really hard for them to ever hit the same way canon does with regards to this. 

i always think of this scene specifically in contrast to zoro and mihawk’s fight, back on baratie. zoro and mihawk are both people who believe in honor in battle, true victory or death, and that’s reflected in their fight, in zoro’s refusal to turn and run even in the face of imminent death, and mihawk’s respect for that resolve. whitebeard, too, is an honorable man. he refuses to turn to run, even when facing certain death. 

the blackbeard pirates, however, are not. 

i do enjoy how, just like roger’s, ace’s execution backfires tremendously on the marines. this was entirely a predictable outcome, too! this exact thing happened twenty years ago! the marines don’t learn. they don’t change. they’re so assured of their own rightness and power that they make stupid mistakes like holding a massive public execution after the last one blew up in their faces. 

(this is why they need coby so badly, for the record, and why it’s important that he still decides to become a marine after witnessing their corruption firsthand in shells town. the marines are long overdue for a reformation, one that orients them towards real justice.)

i really, really enjoy crocodile in this saga. mostly because he hasn’t been redeemed at all, he’s still pretty much the exact same kinda awful person he was in alabasta, he’s just on luffy’s side this time, and it lets us see him in a better light, when he gets angry at whitebeard for nearly dying or when he helps luffy and jinbe escape to keep the marines from getting their way. few of one piece’s characters are truly so one-dimensional as they can seem, and i really appreciate that. 

i really really love all the interactions between luffy, ace and sabo as kids. they’re so fun and bounce off of each other so well. even though we only see them together for a brief time, they really feel like siblings. (which of course only makes later events hurt so much more.

i’ve always been a little fascinated by the fact that it takes us this long to get luffy’s full backstory. it’s almost a fakeout, because we get part of his backstory in the very first chapter, and we’re kind of led to believe that’s all there is. it’s not until ace’s introduction nearly two hundred chapters in that we’re given any indication there’s more.

but at the same time, it makes sense. marineford is luffy’s focus arc, as arlong park to nami or thriller bark to brook. he hasn’t had a focal arc that’s really about him before this, while all his other crewmates have. it makes sense that this would be when he finally gets his flashback. 

i think it’s cool that dragon and the revolutionaries show up at the grey terminal fire, because it’s one of the only looks we’ve gotten so far into what their actual regular operations are like. and, of course, they’re saving people. i really like this about the revolutionaries, that helping people in trouble is basically their modus operandi, when pretty much everyone else in one piece’s world mostly does saving on an incidental basis if at all. 

i think a lot about how the last line of sabo’s letter to ace is also both of their last words to the strawhats. 

death in one piece always feels much realer and more impactful to me than in most other series, and i think this is part of the reason why: in one piece, we are always shown the mourning. nami at bellemere’s grave, carrot grieving pedro, ace and whitebeard’s funeral. 

there are fewer deaths, comparatively, than most other series, but they’re given so much room to echo. we’re still feeling the impacts of ace’s life and death in the most recent chapters of wano. it ties into the theme of inherited will and all the way back to hiriluk’s final speech, of men not being dead so long as they’re remembered. 

the picture of luffy at marineford always kind of strikes me. he looks so young and so solemn, and yet much more himself than he did when we last saw him losing his mind on amazon lily. i really like it. 

sometimes i just think about the sheer depth of trust and love the strawhats must have in each other to separate for two years, far longer than they were ever together, to solely dedicate themselves to improving for the sake of crew and captain. none of them even hesitate, and none of them ever doubt that the crew will be reformed at the end of it.

after all, luffy keeps his promises. 

[rogueofsoup]

Hey it's me the person who tried to help did the Nobles.

I'm glad you like some of the ideas sorry that they're all weren't bangers or anyting. kind of hard to read it all is there more spaces or something but very interesting and I'm kind of curious about the relationship with them with Ingo

Sorry lol, I got a bit carried away and wanted to explain every single thing I could think of in one go. Thanks so much for your help by the way! Anyways, here are very brief explanations of each of their relationships with Ingo specifically!

---

Sergeant Obis Wyrdeer - Obis is mostly indifferent towards Ingo, but greatly respects his ideas and ingenuity despite his perceived youth.

-

Sir Sydney Kleavor - Sydney likes Ingo and even talks with him on a regular basis. He is completely unaware of Ingo being human.

-

Granny Crim Ursaluna - Granny Ursaluna knows Ingo is human and an adult, and she gets along very well with him. Because of his naturally loud voice, he's one of the few people she can talk with and understand in the first go.

-

Sona Ursaluna - Sona also knows Ingo is human and used to hate him at the beginning, but now just thinks he's weird. She's not a huge fan, but she doesn't exactly hate him anymore.

-

Lady Mira Lilligant - Mira thinks Ingo is an adorable but weird monster kid with really specific interests, but to each their own. His train infodumping is better than her mother's lecturing any day of the week.

-

Dr Coser Basculegion - Coser figured out on his own Ingo is a human adult, and the two of them mutually bond over both being adults often treated like children. It also helps that Coser loves listening to people infodump and Ingo likes and is good with Coser's kid.

-

Young Lord Cobult Arcanine - Cobult believes that Ingo is younger than him, but he regards Ingo as a wise older brother of sorts and really looks up to him. He personally feels as if he is basically a kid in an adult situation and Ingo is basically an adult in a kid situation. Cobult considers him and Ingo best friends.

-

Lady Coro Sneasler - Coro knows Ingo is an adult human, but has adopted him as her "definitely biological Monster son I swear he's been here the whole time you just weren't paying attention". She genuinely loves him very much.

-

Xir Renet Electrode - Renet knows Ingo is human, but they're not totally certain about his age (baby face and high-ish voice conflicting with gray hair). They don't really have the time to get to know him, but they think he's interesting.

-

Lord Labast Braviary - Ingo sometimes volunteers at one of his daycares, and the regulars that see him seem to really like him and he does a really good job, so Labast thinks he's responsible and nice. Never actually talked to him though.

-

Lord Alstor Avalugg - Alstor hates Ingo. He doesn't care if he's a kid. In fact, he hates kids. He wants nothing to do with Ingo and glares him down any time Ingo opens his mouth. Coro despises Alstor for this. Nobody really gets why he's so filled with hate, they suppose he's just Like That™.

[writingandmore]

Hi!!! May I get a HP, Star Wars, Voltron, and Disney matchup?

𝗕𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗦 + 𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘

19, Libra, Neutral Good, enneagram is 4w5, muggleborn Ravenclaw (with Gryffindor tendencies), and my patronus spirit is Hummingbird. Biromantic Pansexual Genderfluid woman using pronouns of She/Her or He/Him. Cherubic-like face, with short height (5'1") plus sized Southeast Asian woman with Spanish descent that has chic messy/wavy brunette medium hair that reaches to my shoulder, oriental skin, slightly upturned eyes, small lashes, chocolate brown irises, cute flat nose, heart shaped face, full cheeks, cupid's bow lips, a small beauty mark on the forehead, and naturally straight teeth with tiny gap in front (just imagine that it's a mixture of Marinette from 𝗠𝗶𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗟𝗮𝗱𝘆𝗯𝘂𝗴, Musa from 𝗪𝗶𝗻𝘅 𝗖𝗹𝘂𝗯, and Alexandra Trese from 𝗧𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲---cause' my friend told me that I kinda look like them). My sense of fashion is in between emo and boyish plus korean glam, I sometimes let my hair down or styled like Lara Croft reboot.

𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬

Distant, quiet, and timid at first making people thought I'm a demure, modest, and self-effacing that looks "immaculate" or "one of a kind" (due to my protective mom, a reason why I've never been in a relationship) but the truth is, dunno how to initiate a conversation, but a total opposite if I open up---friendly, ambivert, witty, laughing loudly on a daily basis---like my happiness is too shallow, super talkative, eats a lot (yeah I can finish a huge slice of cake or a meal in one sitting), awkward, daydreamer (I got embarrassed from knocking at the door even I'm inside the classroom 😂), EXTREMELY CLUMSY (mostly gets bruises from hitting, bumping my head somewhere, walking into something on my way, and being careless to my belongings), secretly likes affection, easily overwhelmed, prone to melt over wholesomeness, flusters on compliments, lightly blushes on cheesy banters, eager to share what I know (especially about Catholic Church---my past teacher joked that I'll become a saint because of it 🤣), oftenly speaks full of sarcasm with a lowkey crackhead energy citing meme references, and talented girl who can be your no.1 supporter and unashamed to be true to myself but can be awkward to strangers. In terms of leadership, I only educate and guide than being a prefect (I might take the role seriously), will lift my group when there's lacking/incompleteness. About doing projects in school, I become too extra and prepared for efforts, but I'll forget the process in the end.

The extent, I'm expressive, warm-hearted, willig to help, kind, intelligent, supportive, nice, creative, enthusiastic, laid-back, determined, tough, competitive, and feisty outside, but a real softie that can be childish and dramatic that cries so easily (but will enlightened real quick by smallest things that makes me smile) filled with doubts, frustrations, and insecurities with fear of failure that pushes off the limits to to please everyone because they might get dissappointed from expectations---I simply can't stop proving myself too much because I'm a survivor of bullying. But I still managed to be stronger than ever after I stumbled, even it's a slow burn process. I can be blunt, intimidating, harsh, and a douchebag if I receive ends or I got interrupted while doing something. Immature, headstrong, perfectionist, demanding, hesitant, jumpy, forgetful, overthinker, quick-tempered, sensitive, and anxious (no joke, my nervousness makes me think worse scenario will arrive). Though can be procrastinator and arrogant, I raised as a religious 𝖺𝗇𝖽 diplomatic youth, willing to fight what I believe (including my dreams and what's important to me) and what is right. In addition, I have a habit of staying up late and doing sign of the cross to ease nervousness.

Rowdy and feeling-brokenhearted and bitter friend in the group who fangirl a lot, swears like sailor, will call out on people that we loathe, will make fun of your stupidity (in a good way) before helping, and bring gossips, but a hopeless romantic and cheeky (makes banter with sarcasms or pick up lines as an endearment, but gets annoyed if I received sappy or offensive one), Still generous and concerned person in a subtle and different way.

𝗛𝗢𝗕𝗕𝗜𝗘𝗦

My hobbies are singing, drawing, roleplaying, listening to music, chatting/browsing on social media, conceptualizing, writing, and reading some stuffs. I'll include making corniest jokes/puns, sleeping, and dancing when nobody's around or walking like a model if I feel so bold (even I'm terrible at both xD). I also used to learn Italian language a bit.

𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Loves kittens, milk tea, singing at the karaoke, cartoons, iced coffee, memes, cute things, watching YouTube videos (mostly pageants, ASMR, edit audios, and mukbangs), also enjoys playing games on my sister's PSP. Sucker for arts, choir, poetry, night sky, makeup, fun/deep/dumb conversations, Christianity, documentaries (about saints, real crime stories, and inspirational people), reading interesting stuffs, talking about social issues, and creative writing, chilling both indoors and outdoors. Beside that, my music taste are like late 90s-2000s songs (mostly rock, pop, and country) sometimes Catholic songs, kpop and ppop, chocoholic, and a sweetooth as well.

𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Things that I hate are stereotyping, HUGE creepy crawlies (spiders, toads, snakes, and cockroaches), firecracker sounds, thunder and lightning, being left out, loneliness, heart break, blackout, and judgemental people. If I found out that someone hates or backstabbing or being rude to me, I won't hesitate to throw offensive criticisms, leaving them with a "I don't give a f" attitude. One random fact about me is, I 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 vent out EVERYTHING I despise in my entire existence---from bad soap operas to toxicity, worse scenarios in real life, and how terrible is my love life from unrequited feelings that I got, because it's a big deal for me, and I consider forcing me to do what I'm not into and manipulating me as my major pet peeves.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗚𝗘𝗥𝗦

In terms of triggers...I only have two which are ta𝖨king about divorce/annullment/separation because I came from a generational broken family (it sucks that some people I knew assumed that the reason why I'm overly unaware that someone is interested in me in secret, is I have "high standards" looking for a partner, but the truth is I'm strict and I have a personal preferences...I know my worth and I don't want settle for less!) and religion/beliefs discrimination, cause' there are reasonings that doesn't makes sense because some, sounds too hypocritical, like as if you're a morally good person.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘 + 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗟𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗨𝗔𝗚𝗘𝗦

My love languages are quality time and gift giving, but I actually swoon over physical touch (especially cuddles and cute kisses) and words of affirmation when it comes to having a partner, though I get attracted so easily, matured but can be a goofy person who's nice, friendly, kind-hearted, loving, faithful, and excels in academics is my cup of tea. Whenever I have a real life crush (which is rare), I act the same but deep inside, my heart is about to explode and will eventually share to my trustful friends how I highly admire that person, however if they spilled the beans out, I'll obviously deny it and will cry if they like someone else, it will take some time for me to move on, now I don't care for them anymore.

Best Friends to Lovers is my ideal trope because I find it very cute since you already knew each other before dating (which happened to my 2nd cousin, she married her best friend!)---perfect balance for romance, laughters, comfort, and tears when it comes to sharing your vibes, being there through thick and thin, safe with embraces, and helping each other to grow.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗩𝗜𝗔𝗦

My best assets are smile, eyes, personality, singing voice, artistic skills, writings, intelligence, oratorical skills and I have potential in hosting...so I can consider myself as a singer, artist, orator, speaker, and a top student who's a former active campus ministry member with three roles (choir leader, psalm singer, and reader).

May sounds different but I'm passionate for helping people through my talents and sharing my story to inspire everyone. I may look selfish, but I have a different way on how I show that I actually care also I have a biased sentimental value

Currently a college freshman, learning how to cook. I have so many interests, to the point I don't know what I'm into because of my dreams to become a popular Filipino YouTuber, a novelist, and being part of a successful chorale competing internationally...I also consider joining pageants at school too once the pandemic ends, but maybe.

HP: Remus!

- Remus is also quiet and a bit reserved when he's not in a familiar situation, so your own first impression on him would be a good one, as you'd seem similar to his own personality. He's sweet and is able to start up a conversation if he notices the other person is having a hard time doing so, so hopefully he'd be able to bring out your more extroverted and friendly self after a while so he can be around the more open you. He wouldn't mind you being a bit awkward-he's very much the same way-honestly, the comradery that would come from that would be more positive than anything else. He loves sharing knowledge and learning about new things, so your eagerness to talk about what you know would work really well also! He does a lot better when he knows someone has his back too, so your extra supportive nature would endear him to you as well.

SW: Han!

- Your nicer and more helpful personality would balance out Han's more standoffish vibes when first meeting. You might get on his nerves a bit first, but you'd quickly grown on him and, in turn, make him a bit of a better person. Your ability to be blunt and a bit harsh would serve you well if you ever needed to stand your ground on an issue that two of you have, as he can be quite stubborn.

VLD: Lance!

- Lance can be a bit immature from time to time as well, especially when it comes to trying to be funny or cheering up those around him-he's also headstrong and typically firm in what he wants to do, so your own determined personality would attract him to you a lot as well. He often puts off things he needs to do if they make him anxious too, but if you both recognize that you share that problem, helping each other might be a good solution!

Disney: Flynn!

- Flynn is quite a sarcastic and teasing person, so your own humor would match well with his. He's also quite a hopeless romantic as well, even though he's certainly not one to admit that right off the bat. He enjoys singing, and as he gets closer to someone he feels more comfortable doing so in front of them, so a partner he's been with for a long time would get to see him be more and more open with it. That also applies to activities like dancing.

[rinharu-purple]

Hi, nice to meet you!

As a fellow Gavin stan, I found your analysis quite interesting and I'm very happy that someone finally understand the other side of our ginkgo boy... Idk whether you play in CN server or MLQC. I'm just curious, what do you think of Gavin in S2? Because I hear that everything is gonna be different. Also, the latest main story in CN server--do you think the story will be more angst?

Thank youu..

Waiting for more analyzes from you ❤

Dear Anon, 

Thank you very much for your kind words and I’m also happy to meet you ^_^

Please excuse my belated answer. I waited specifically for cheri’s translation of the S2 CH11, so that I could give you a worthy answer <3

I play MLQC, because I don’t understand Chinese (yet), so I am following @cheri-translates on a daily basis for the season 2 material. (Thank you cheri, you’re the best! (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc) )

From what we get so far, Gavin shows some differences in his aura and character in S2 due to two main reasons:

1) He didn’t have the extreme teenage drama from S1 (except for his mother’s passing)

2) He and MC were companions during high school, so their relationship has a healthier fundament.

The events of the second season take place in a “parallel universe”, therefore MC’s relationships vary from those in S1. But also the Loveland City they are in is a different one, with different players but also different villains. So things DO change in S2 in general.

What do I think about Gavin in S2?

I - AM - IN - LOOOOOOOVVVEEEE - WITH - HIM!!! <3 <3 <3

Gavin was the main reason I watched the anime and downloaded the game in the first place. He was a very caring, understanding, talented and *ehm extremely good looking guy. He still is btw. This guy has a very big heart and is the most human among all LIs if you ask me. But sometimes I had the feeling in S1, that he wasn’t reaching to his full potential. His love for MC was at times awkward, mainly because he doubted himself a lot and was underestimating himself in many topics with regards to MC. His past with his father and brother was also weighting on him big time. Thus affecting his actions to a great extent. Gavin’s potential was bound by ball and chains and he didn’t seem to be able to free himself from them. And yet, he was a resilient guy, who made peace with his past, always finding the love&faith in his heart and following his own path. Those unnecessary insecurities caused by his experiences were Gav-babe’s downside in S1.

In the second season, we meet a very self confident Gavin who doesn’t get worked up in front of MC easily, let alone shy away from her. On the contrary, Gavin is teasing MC shamelessly and even toys around with her as he lets her hover over the ocean. Would you ever think that S1 Gavin would dare to do that? :D He interrogates her just for the kicks even though he doesn’t suspect her one bit, or asks her if he should detain her, since she looked like she was asking for it (I really recommend you to read the scene in CH11). Gavin is carefree towards MC and this makes him unbelievably attractive. Sure, I was surprised at first as I saw him immobilizing MC after meeting her for the first time after many years and was afraid, that he would be hostile towards her. Thankfully, this wasn’t the case...so far.

In S1, Gavin and MC were already in a harmonious relationship and were moving forward side by side gradually. But they were also having difficulties in terms of protecting each other from harm’s way and hiding their dangerous missions or wounds from each other. Which didn’t go along with a healthy relationship, even though they came a long way by the end of the S1. Plus, their positions weren’t even equal in respect of being a couple since Gavin was quite the simp and was insecure at times about his interactions with the MC. There was a teenage Gavin in him, who was telling him that he wasn’t good enough for her, that he is useless, that he is worthless. Therefore he always had his gloves on, so the speak.  

These insecurities are downed to a minimum in S2 and Gavin no longer has the self loathing inner thoughts, so it feels as though, he is the real Gavin. The Gavin who he could be, he should be. Up to this point (S2 CH11). I feel like we are watching a Gavin who’s reached, or is reaching, to his full potential. 

In S2, we see him co-operating with MC right from the beginning with little reluctance at first, which is natural since -you know- they are working for the opposing sides. But then we saw in CH11, that they make one hell of a team! In all honesty, Gavin and MC don’t even need to talk to each other to understand what the other thinks. We witnessed many times in S1 when they were thinking/saying/doing the same thing at the same time. But this time, they are aware of the fact that they can see through each other without words. Moreover, they banter with each other by calling one another out. Which is mostly Gavin calling her out btw. This almost flirt-like sweet bantering makes their interaction all the more titillating to me. The chemistry between them is very evident and Papergames makes sure to let us producers know, the attraction is mutual and on equal grounds. Maybe its only my opinion, but I find S2 Gavin way more sexier than the Version 1.0. But its probably because I find self-confidence to be the sexiest trait a person can have. 

On a side note, Gavin also doesn’t display jealousy as in S1 and I believe this also has to do with his self confidence. Jealousy is an emotion which arouses from lack of self-confidence and trust. And the level of trust Gavin and MC share in S2 is off the charts, dare I claim.

One might even say, that the tables have turned in S2. MC has her memories from S1 whereas Gavin has started having flashbacks or dreams about their past just recently. Because of that MC already carries her romantic feelings from S1, she is the one with denser emotions in the new chapters and is rather insecure in front of Gavin. Thus making herself vulnerable for his “toying sessions”. Gavin on the other hand is beginning to explore his heart’s desires towards MC only piece by piece. He cares a great deal about her and is drawn to her inevitably, but can’t quite put his finger on it. His body and soul is already reacting to her, but his mind is a little bit slow on this front. But as stated in R&S “Inevitable”, his heart is destined to get drawn to hers. 

Whether the story is going to get angstier...Let’s not fool ourselves, Papergames has the word angst in block letters carved in marble in their office. So yeah, I am pretty sure that the story is going to get angstier. But I haven’t seen anything as angsty as in S1 CH13, 14, 15, 18. Those chapters were really hard to read, but let’s wait and see.

Another important point about Gavin’s character in S2 is related to his position. He is now the Commander of the STF and therefore carries a heavier responsibility than in S1. We see in every chapter how strategically he is acting and picking the best option in which nobody gets hurt. He is still a maverick and does things in his own way and yet he is now well aware of the fact that each of his actions are affecting great numbers of people. With his subordinates he shares special bonds all the while keeping them disciplined and whatever he does, he prioritizes everybody’s safety equally (only with MC as an exception).  Of course, this was one of his strengths also in S1, but in S2, he can have a bigger impact, since he has more resources to do so. He has become the perfect leader.

Which can be tied to his balanced temper. In S1 there were times, where Gavin wasn’t able to control his Evol and caused mayhem. We haven’t seen any uproar like this in S1 so far. Gavin is in control of his Evol, his emotions and his blushes...hih...well... almost. But he certainly blushes much less in S2. 

So to sum it up, yes, Gavin is different in S2, but in all the good ways and I couldn’t find anything that goes in the wrong direction so far. We have a more mature, confident and experienced Gavin in S2 and I can simply say:

AMEN

I hope my answers can help you with your questions and you can always feel free the contact me if you have any questions...be it anonymously or not.

Have a nice weekend dear anon! d=(´▽｀)=b

[lord-of-nightmares-and-anguish]

just a jimon thing my brain came up with in a rare moment of lucidity

Jace was known for his recklessness. Despite pretending to be oblivious to it, Jace was well aware that he tended to run into things head first. Which is kinda weird, because when Alec says We’re Lightwoods. We break noses and accept the consequences its inspirational. But when Jace actually does it, its reckless, and suicidal, and immature.

And....well when Jace allows himself a rare moment of clarity he can acknowledge that he’s a little reckless, and maybe a tad bit immature. But suicidal? Maybe, but not in the way people think. Jace doesn’t take the most dangerous missions because he has a death wish.....mostly. Death isn’t on his mind when he runs in front of Simon to take the hit from the demon. Really. Whenever he gets into situations like this, sprawled on the ground, and not even in a sexy way his brain distantly adds, the last thing on his mind is Death.

You either live long enough to see yourself become a villain, or die a hero. Over and over and over in his head, like a movie that never stops. In spite of his parabatai’s best efforts, he can’t seem to shake Valentine’s hold on him. He was his father in all the ways that matter but shouldn’t and he can’t let himself become like Valentine. He can’t. So yes, he acts like his flesh and angel blood are an adamis shield against everything bad in the world. He doesn’t want to die. Not really. Not yet. Not when he has the cutest Daylighter to play video games with on the weekend.

But as much as he loves Simon. And wow, isn’t that a revelation to have sitting in a pool of blood. As much as he loves Simon, he loves being remebered as good more. His intentions have been muddled, between the mixed messages from the Clave and his family, Jace knows that people don’t know how to feel about him. He feels it in the way they keep him at arms length. Far away enough that if he turns, they won’t be at fault for associating with him. But just close enough that if he ever ends up proving his worth they won’t be condemned with ostracizing him. It’s exhausting.

Jace doesn’t want them to still be guessing when he’s in his grave.

He groans as he feels cold hands pick him up and carry him to what must be a portal. Jace feels slightly unsettled because he doesn’t hear Simon breathing. Jace chooses to ignore it, because if he’s going to spend his last moments in his crush’s arms he’ll be damned if he spends it worrying about why Simon isn’t breathing. He figures that Simon’s allowed to break from his normal behavior. It’s not like he carries Jace around bridal style on a daily basis either. 

~break~

Jace wakes up in the infirmary. He looks at the stars, and sees them dim before his eyes as the realization that he’s alive hits him, and yeah maybe Jace needs to reexamine his not suicidal thing. Jace thinks that he’s alone, which is why when he moves to get out of bed to make the long and probably painful trek to his room he’s surprised when someone stops him.

“Simon?”

The Daylighter was at his bedside looking down at him with the most torn expression he’s ever seen. His eyes glinted with determination while his face had red residue from his dried tears.

“Jace.”

Jace looks at Simon for a long moment as silence stretches between them. Simon seemed to be steeling himself to say something important but Jace was still stuck on how Simon had said his name. When was the last time someone had said his name as a sentence? Like everything he was could be encompassed by his name, and that was enough. He was enough. Jace’s last remaining braincell reminded him that everyone used his name as a sentence; and the only reason why it was different when Simon said it was because he was in love and possibly still riding the highs of pain medication. Jace heard heard Simon’s soft intake of breath, and prepared himself for whatever he was about to say.

“Jace, I-....I don’t know how to say this but I’m just gonna say it and maybe, hopefully this makes sense. You scared me today, Jace. Well, you kinda scare me everyday but today was different. Seeing you lying on the ground half-dead.....all to protect me. It was terrifying. A-and not because it was a lot of blood, but because the thought losing you makes me feels like im back in the grave again, wondering whether I’ll ever get out. And I know it shouldn’t affect me like this, since I’ve known you for months now, and I should be used to it, but fuck Jace I don’t want to be! You’ve been a soldier all your life. Fighting is in your blood so I know, that you know how to save someone without putting your life on the line. And I can’t watch someone I care about constantly put themselves in danger like this.”

Jace felt his heart break at those words and tried to mentally prepare himself for another person to walk out of his life. Obviously Simon’s monologue wasn’t enough torture because Jace could hear him gearing up to say something else.

“Which is exactly why, you need to tell me why you keep on acting like you’re an invincible punching bag, so that I can fix it. And I can ensure that I still have someone to beat in Mario Kart.”

Jace snorted, “Good to know that you have your priorities straight and my best interests at heart.”

“Always sweetheart, always.” And if Jace’s heart fluttered at the pet name, that’s nobody damn business but his own.

“Anyways, Jace chop chop! I mean you don’t have to tell me. Right now that is. But it’s either me or Alec and I know he’s your parabatai and all but he can be really dense when it comes to listening and helping people with things like this.”

Jace grumbled but he couldn’t deny that Simon was right. He loved Alec, but he has a hard time with sensitive subjects. Jace still shudders about the conversation Alec tried to have with him about Celine’s mental health history. Jace decided to just suck it up and tell Simon. It’s not like he has anything to lose, and he doubts anything he’ll share with Simon will ruin his perception of him. He knows to keep the darkest parts of himself hidden. He’s just sharing his thought process, right? He’s not revealing anything, its just simply a matter of logic. No one wants to be remebered in a bad light.

So he tells Simon that. He tells him how he feels cold, like he’s always on the outskirts of living in Valentine’s shadow, and there’s not many ways to redeem yourself in the Shadow world. Not when you messed up as much as Jace did. 

He doesn’t expect Simon to hug him. He tells Jace that what people think of him doesn’t matter.

“And Jace, I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m immortal. Trust me when I say that I’ll make sure that everyone remebers you for the great person you are.”

Jace can’t deal with the overload of comfort from Simon, but decides that he’ll try to enjoy it anyways because it’s not everyday he gets held by the love of his life.

Simon gently lays them down, mindful of the bandages around Jace’s midsection and tucks them both under the covers. Jace snuggles into Simon’s side, still sort of convinced that this is a drug addled dream because why else would Simon be so nice? When has a conversation about his behavior gone this well? Jace refuses to believe that this is real, because if it is then Jace will get used to this. Used to having someone be there for him. And eventually he will get hurt again, and Jace is just beginning to find his footing after everything that’s happened. So for now he closes his eyes and settles against Simon’s back. He tries to tell himself that this doesn’t mean anything, and that Simon cares about him as a friend and nothing more. Jace will take what he can get, and besides, friend cuddles aren’t all that bad.

[orsuliya]

I did it. I cracked the code. Solved the mystery. And it only took me sixty-eight episodes to do it! My fellow Monarchies, I can proudly say that I finally know why Song Huaien is the way he is. All those exalted theories about how he is a follower at heart and takes on the moral qualities of his current master? Clever conjectures about his inferiority complex? Pish and tosh!

The truth is that Song Huaien’s skull is mostly taken up by his glorious hair and the miniscule amount of space left means that his brain is absolutely tiny. So tiny that it can only process one single line of code at a time to the exclusion of all external factors and considerations. Also, all that hair causes enough interference that it is not always possible to switch those lines in a timely manner - sometimes things get stuck in those luscious locks.

Don’t believe me? Well, let’s see then. During Huizhou arc and Zilu’s coup Huaien’s one line of code says: protect Awu with your own life. And so he does, blindly and without hesitation; even torture doesn’t make him go against his instructions. But then something shorts out or maybe he gets infected with malware. You really need to be careful in the capital, you know. The next set of instructions: money, Awu, lots of swag. Xiao Qi tries to reset Song Huaien, alas, his efforts are in vain. The Hunt of Doom manages to dislodge something and then it’s all: get justice for Xiao Qi! Until the Wangs get to him and then it’s a merry-go-round and fun for all. Daddy Wang tries to enter a permanent line of: money, Wang name, Daddy rules, but it doesn’t work all that well or at least not forever. Suddenly the Yuzhang Acting Company gives their great performance and lo and behold, Song Huaien finally accepts a floating code which has been knocking on his skull for some time: be Xiao Qi but better. That’s why he kills Daddy Wang and why he’s so insistent on repeating Xiao Qi’s greatest hits. Only, you know, bigger, better, with more oomph. Poor thing, he doesn’t get that size isn’t everything.

Still dubious? Well, have a look:

Yes, Huaien, it is true that this coup succeeded only thanks to your men. But I sincerely doubt that this weird hybrid of Ningshuo Army and Imperial Mooks can actually serve as a basis of anything except a shameful defeat. As you should know, really. Stop channeling Xiao Qi, you are not him and your men are not Ningshuo Badasses!

Besides, I don’t think Song Huaien actually has that much of an army at the moment. If those rumoured 200 000 soldiers were loyal to him, he wouldn’t have needed to suborn the capital garrison for his coup. Xiao Qi was out of the way, there was nothing stopping Huaien from marching those mythical forces to the capital. Not that it would have helped much in the long run.

Daddy Wang was a Wang, you see; even if his legitimacy was suspect (and he actually tried for some with that false edict!), at the end of the day he still was a Wang of Langya with really solid credentials after serving as Prime Minister for something like a decade. Song Huaien is a nobody out of nowhere. Sorry, but it’s the truth! In order to hold onto the throne, he would need to be able to defeat every other possible claimant in the field; scaring them away also works. Sorry, but Song Huaien must be both criminally stupid and absolutely mad to think it can actually work out for him! Unless... his mind got totally bound up in this be Xiao Qi but better idea.

Not to mention that Xiao Qi is in Ningshuo, not dead. And while he might not care for the throne, there is still one thing in the capital he cares about, staged performance or no staged performance. Really, if Song Huaien was capable of logical thinking or any thinking at all, he would have taken Awu hostage... or sent her straight to Ningshuo as a sign of good will, if only to buy time to mobilize more forces before seeking a fight. What does he do instead...?

Well, he reads his current set of instructions out loud: I will have everything Xiao Qi has and everything he doesn’t have. And then, I kid you not, he asks Awu to be his Empress. Yeah, that’s a great idea. What the hell is wrong with you, Song Huaien? I get that you want to have what Xiao Qi had, but there is stupid and there is THIS. And I am not even speaking of the fact that Xiao Qi will kill you dead. You know what’s the first thing Awu does once Daddy Wang gets dragged away? She locates the nearest available weapon and calculates how to get to it. Which Song Huaien notices and so kicks the sword in question away. Yeah, I can already see how this Empress idea would work out.

Luckily, this time Awu doesn’t need to playact for her life, doesn’t need to walk a bleeding edge between survival and achieving her goals. This is no Hulan Arc 2.0, even if Song Huaien seems to be channeling Helan Zhen at the moment. This time Awu doesn’t need to worry about taking revenge or defending herself - her avenger and defender should be already inside the palace gates - and so she can let herself go.

That slap must have been so very satisfying! And she doesn’t even know how disgusting Song Huaien really is. See, I don’t think Yuxiu’s body has even managed to stiffen up properly before her husband proposed to her friend. UGH.

Xiao Qi’s timing is absolutely impeccable. Never has there been a rescue more timely nor more attractive that this one! Well, except for all those previous Xiao Qi Trademarked Rescues, but you get what I mean!

HELLOOOOOO, GENERAL!

Song Huaien gets skewered and this finally reboots his tiny brain! It resets it so hard that he returns to his original programming from way before the protect Awu set. Yup, he’s running an ancient Ningshuo brothers forever routine now.

Brother... Take me back to Ningshuo. I don’t want to stay in the capital anymore.

Well, I, for one, sincerely hope that Xiao Qi leaves you in a ditch once he realizes that both Yuxiu and Hu Yao are dead.

[ziracona]

What do you see happening after Josh is being rescued? Does he meet everyone of his friend eventually or some of them keep their distance? I read one of your answers about them abandoning him and honestly I don't think they didn't care at all about him, but the events were so traumatic and scary that they probably had a hard time taking into consideration that small possibility of him being alive. Plus I guess it's also part of the smooth flow of the game if it makes sense, Mike doesn't go after Jess either after he sees her falling into the mines and accuses Josh of killing her without being 100% sure that she is dead and without seeing Josh around when shit happened to her. But if I were Josh maybe I would be upset knowing they didn't come for me at all. So how would a reunion go?

That’s valid! You can interpret the lack of an interest in rescuing Josh to multiple things—that they are very sure he’s dead, if you want to be as generous as possible to them. That they think he’s probably dead and are afraid of dying too more than willing to save him, that they’re (sans Chris) too mad about the prank he pulled, etc. And I can see why people would go for any number of them. I think to me it has always read like they think he is probably dead, and the whatever he has, 30%, 20% chance? Of still being alive just isn’t enough for them to feel motivated to face very likely death to go hunting for him, especially with flamethrower dude just dead doing the same. Which makes /me/ angry, because Mike went batshit after seeing Jess wounded and dragged through a window and more trying to save her, multiple characters can kill themselves trying to save the others in the finale, etc, and I just think if you /can/ save someone who is your friend—or like, you have a shot anyway—you don’t know it is too late. You should. (& true Jess can still be alive and Mike will assume she is dead, but in his defense, so do basically all blind playthroughs she looks like she falls four stories or something while already almost dead I can’t fault Mike for assuming that was a 100% death there. Boy really tried. Whereas Josh’s vanishing from the shed is much less confirmed. There is no ‘I watched him fall’ here. Just a neither he nor his dead body were still in the shed so /something/ happened). Like I do get it, that’s a terrifying situation and not helping doesn’t = not caring, but I will hold it against characters if they don’t risk themselves to save their friends and I will be unhappy with them. Loyalty is very important to me. But it is a truly terrifying situation.

But I also get why they’d be terrified to go out there. I don’t think it makes them evil to not want to risk it till they have to, it just makes me disappointed in them. I don’t think I said I think they didn’t care about him—typo if I did, because I certainly don’t think that at all! I think Chris was traumatized and felt very sure he was dead, Ashley didn’t care (she explicitly says she thinks he deserves it and tries to stop Chris from saving him the first time), Emily doesn’t care a lot one way or another and is mostly on her own trauma right now and thinking about Matt and the awful shit she saw, that Sam does care but thinks he is probably dead and is in team mom mode and cares more about trying to keep as many friends alive as possible right now than anything else and doesn’t want to lose the others, and Mike is still pissed but also feels very bad and would prefer for Josh to make it but is also more focused on group survival and not losing anyone else since he just lost someone he loves horribly (based largely on how his reaction to the safe room scenario is either to kill Emily and feel awful but do it because he very vocally and visibly doesn’t want the others to be killed and she won’t go peacefully, and he’s terrified of losing them, or to try but not be able to because he loves Emily, and instead give the gun to the others to try to save themselves with in the event she /does/ turn). And although he’s a right coward bastard for leaving Josh if Josh gets grabbed instead of killed, down in the mines, I do think he cared about Josh. He seems truly sorry to some extent when he finds him, and does /try/ to lead him out of the mines. At the point they make the decision to go for the cable car key, I don’t think they don’t care at all, except Ashley. I just think they should care more. Although I tend to give Chris a pass because he just watched a man get beheaded, has strong reason to think Josh is dead, is injured, and spends the entire rest of the game more or less in traumatized mode quiet in the corner.

But that said I can also see why people would interpret the reactions to mean they all believe he is very dead, and mean they’re going after his corpse! I can see lots of basis in-game to interpret in quite a number of ways. And be generous to the fool kids if you want to! I /super/ hold abandoning Josh in the mines wildly against Mike, but Mike is still one of my favorite characters in the whole game. I love how flawed the cast is and that you go in hating most of them and only slowly grow to care because you don’t want them dead-dead, which keeps you there long enough to see some of their good sides. *cheff’s kiss* the great ability of the horror genre. The bar to initially invest is so low, it lets you have such a multi-faceted cast.

Okay anyway, original question! What do I see happening after Josh gets rescued and exorcised.

I think he meets up with all of them again eventually. Interesting to think from Josh’s pov how he’s going to feel. I expect to some degree he does feel abandoned, and fairly, and in RoB it is very clear he is afraid to some extent of Mike and Chris after being dragged off and tied up and left in the shed, and the things they said to him. He also /definitely/ feels massively guilty and self-blaming about all of it. He’s telling himself through Hill that no one will come for him and it’s his own fault by the final chapter. And mostly he’s just afraid of Mike and in ptsd dissociating mode by the time Sam and Mike find him. So, mixed feelings on his part I expect. Lots of fear and pain and hurt at being abandoned and so universally believed capable of murder, hurt, left to die alone in the mines. Pretty damn betrayed, and that on top of the hurt from what happened to his sisters and the inherent paranoia of paranoid schizophrenia. Hurt that they just left him. Hurt they didn’t believe him. Hurt nobody came for him until it was too late. Hurt he got betrayed again. Probably pretty miserable overall. But with that, also feels really bad about going too far and hates and blames himself intensely for everything, and I expect is also kind of not just traumatized but ashamed of what happens to him, and everyone knowing about the possession and the cannibalism. Probably he wants to lock himself in a room in the corner of a big house and never come out. But also is intensely and miserably and hopelessly lonely. Probably feels all of his friendships are likely broken beyond repair.

I don’t think they are though. Chris “I’m not your bro” six seconds later “bro are you for real?” Hartley almost dies trying to save him and wouldn’t care about the possession stuff except to be worried about him. Sam is angry and harboring some resentment, but clearly reacts to Mike reporting he is gone with regret. Mike would probably feel very guilty for leaving him and be hesitant to reconnect and then defensive doing it, but I think he cares. Jess wasn’t even there for this shit so probably she does. Same for Matt maybe? Ashley and Emily are harder to guess for. I think Ashley would be incredibly angry and resentful—I mean she wants him dead in-game, but might eventually join the others if the others got over stuff? Bc she’s also kinda a joiner? Really it’s hard to say she is a very...hair-trigger character. Volatile and intensely and massively changeable. Probably the least predictable of all. That kind of person scares me deeply in real life because I have been very backstabbed by them before. >.> But anyway hard to say. Also a lot of this depends on what ending, even assuming they all live. But I usually assume that like, Mike almost shot Em, didn’t, Matt tried to save her, Sam saw the workshop, etc ending. Emily I really don’t know. She’s a very self-reliant and hard person. She didn’t have anything very specifically for or against Josh with her experience, but wasn’t that close to him before, so I think she just kinda falls wherever she falls.

I think mostly though that they’d reconnect. Definitely Chris would jump to it, and I think Sam would too—she’s a well educated, empathetic and understanding person. She’d know he needs her. And Chris is his childhood best friend and cares the whole game. I think Mike would try to go too because of guilt, and because he’s a decent guy. Probably so would after not much time those least effected by what Josh did. I think Josh would be alone while being exorcised and probably reocvering in a hospital some after, and Chris would be the first, or Chris and Sam possibly. I think he’d be afraid to see them, and it would be complicated and messy and painful for them all, but it would be okay and sort itself out and they’d find old ground quickly. And having them there would be /incredibly/ vital to helping him recover. I think eventually he’d get back on his feet, and a lot of his old friends would be around and stay in his life. I think things would get better. I’d say the OG ExorJosh comic writer I think did a good job of guessing about what a lot of it would be like. Hard, and slow, and messy. But a lot of them care for him, and I think that would matter enough to help things get okay between them again.

[mypunkpansexualtwin]

WIP Wednesday

I am, again, untagged but undeterred! Who wants more Wingman? No? Too bad, that’s what you’re getting!

I... haven’t slept yet. Consider yourself tagged if you want to do this and please please tag me in your WIPs, I really love seeing what my friends, mutuals, and followers are all working on. Part of this is under a cut, mostly for the sanity of Future Me.

About halfway down the block, they realized at about the same time that they had nothing to talk about.

“So…”

“So...”

So. Akira didn’t remember how to have a normal damn conversation. He wasn’t going to blame that on the fact that the only people who’d spoken to him on a regular basis in the past five months were all eccentric to say the least, but it definitely hadn’t helped. One of the top five current sanest people in his life was the drag queen proprietor of a bar in the red light district, for crying out loud. Not to mention he’d always been more of a listener to begin with because it was less stressful. So long as the person talking wasn’t a harried reporter who could only ever be found at the aforementioned drag bar. Or his homeroom teacher being blackmailed into dubious side work by a late student’s family. Or an ex member of the goddamn yakuza. Being “robbed of one’s place to belong” apparently also did a number on one’s sanity.

Akira was pulled from his thoughts by Ono awkwardly clearing his throat.

“I, uh, heard that one of the Japanese schools staying here is Shujin. That you?” Jason hazarded. 

“Yup.”

“Phantom Thieves Shujin?”

“That’s the only one I’m aware of.” Akira responded blandly. Not the best topic for small talk considering the apparent state of his brain-to-mouth filter, but better than walking along and twiddling their thumbs until one of them decided to leave. Probably.

Jason cracked a smile and jokingly asked, “Do you know them?” Even half-expecting it, the question still caught him a little off guard. Although not as much as it would have a few months prior, considering he’d gotten it just as jokingly from several of Leblanc’s regulars since May. Meaning he’d had time to practice his answer.

“Oh yeah,” Akira responded, pouring every ounce of sarcasm he had into a completely truthful statement, “I found them on accident and they made me their leader.” Then he rolled his eyes for good measure. Who needed to be a good liar when you could just tell the truth in a way nobody would believe?

“Pff, why would they do that?” Jason snorted, indulging the “joke.” Akira shrugged in response.

“No idea,” he answered, again, completely honestly. “My unparalleled charisma? My superior adaptability?” He paused for his date to stop laughing before he continued, “My cool glasses?” That earned him a scoff.

“Clark Kent you ain’t, buddy.” Ono retorted dryly, but the effect was ruined by the smile trying to break out across his face. Topic successfully deflected.

“Definitely no Superman, either.” Akira stretched and laughed softly.“Too gangly.” He was finally starting to actually relax a little when an arm snaked around his waist and tugged him close, effectively shooting his progress in the face.

“I dunno if I’d say gangly. Lean, maybe?” Ono’s voice was close to his ear again and his hand was ridiculously warm where it rested on his hip. “Whatever you wanna call it, it definitely suits you.” 

“Uh. Th-thanks.” A few moments passed, allowing Akira to attempt to scrape together something resembling a brain cell.

“Y’know, if you’re here to make memories, maybe we should get on that.”

Attempt failed, try again later. Something about the guy’s voice, especially with the way it ghosted across an apparently very sensitive spot just behind his ear, seemed to have a vendetta against Akira trying to think. Purely on impulse, with no input from his higher functions that had all abandoned him at that point, Akira turned his head and hummed his assent against the corner of Ono’s jaw. He felt a shiver run through the taller boy and a decidedly Arsene-shaped sense of smug satisfaction in the back of his mind. Akira wasn’t sure if he should offer his inner self thanks or wonder where the hell this kind of helpful nudge was earlier that afternoon with Ryuji. Or at literally any point with Ryuji. Maybe it was for the better, he really didn’t have the nerve to follow up on a move like that. And if he couldn’t with the guy who’d arranged the damn date, there was no way he’d have been able to after probably ambushing his unsuspecting best friend. There was no point in dwelling on that, though. Instead, he met the hooded gaze Jason levelled at him with a smirk meant to cover his rising nerves. 

Anyone who knew Joker, Infamous Leader of the Phantom Thieves would have recognized that particular smirk as the prelude to him being a little shit, but Ono did not. He had no idea what to expect when Akira replied lowly, “I think you might be onto something there.” The blond leaned in a little, eyes fluttering shut as Akira reached up to settle one hand on the back of Jason’s neck--

--and shattered the moment with a quiet click from his phone’s camera. Ono blinked a few times, looking up to where Akira was holding his phone up for the selfie he’d just snapped, and back to Akira’s face. Double take. Triple take. And then he fixed him with the most unimpressed face Akira had ever seen in his life, which had to be some kind of world record.

“Uhhh, say ‘cheese?’” He cracked a smile and tried hard not to laugh as that look somehow turned even more unimpressed.

“Ha freaking ha.” Ono pouted up at the camera. “Seriously. I’m gonna crack a rib laughin’ here. You’re hilarious.”

“Are you saying you don’t want a picture of yourself when you look this good?” Akira replied innocently and lowered his arm a little. Maybe it was unfair to push the buttons of a guy so obviously and aggressively walking the fine line between confident and vain, but the way his pout deepened before twisting into a smile was too cute.

“Fine, twist my arm why don’t you?” Jason rolled his eyes good-naturedly and settled against Akira before looking up into the camera. Halfway through the burst of pictures Akira took, Jason exacted his revenge and pressed a kiss to that sensitive spot he’d ghosted his breath over a moment ago. Thankfully the camera didn’t pick up the deeply embarrassing yelp that particular move elicited from Akira, but there was no hiding the way the phone suddenly jerked in his hand halfway through the dozen or so pictures, or the way his face had gone completely scarlet in all of them from that point onward. It was his turn to pout as he swiped through his camera roll and deleted the blurriest ones. “Ooh, definitely send me that one. And those two.” Ono instructed with his chin hooked over Akira’s shoulder. Naturally the guy wanted the pictures with the worst of Akira’s tomato face, but at least the rest he requested were nice. Maybe Akira wouldn’t be spending the rest of the night too mortified.

The incoming text notification that dropped from the top of his screen said otherwise. Goddammit.

“Oh man, the timing on that’s almost spooky. Hell of a coincidence.” Jason laughed as the preview of Futaba’s ‘who the heck is that guy???’ disappeared into the notifications bar. Akira groaned.

“Not a coincidence.”

[okay-victoria]

Love of My Second Life: Tanya & Romance

This is both my take on why, despite seeming like the easiest and healthiest relationship to write, TanyaxVisha is up there with TanyaxMary in difficulty level for pulling off successfully, what I’ve seen go wrong in fanfic so far, and what needs to make it/any romance go right.

Where to start, where to start...um, a warning, for obvious reasons I’m going to have to talk about sex.

The Age Difference

This has the joy of being a bit creepy on both ends of the spectrum! Yay.

Visha Being Creepy

Visha is probably 5 - 6 years older than Tanya. While as more mature adults that age difference is relatively negligible, Tanya being 17/18 and Visha being in her early 20s doesn’t make it suddenly a non-issue. If you and a coworker, both in your first job out of college, went to happy hour and you met his/her significant other and they were a senior in high school, would you feel good about that?

The age-of-consent laws in bygone eras may help your case for why in-story characters give a pass to such things, but it doesn’t really help explain it to your readers. Unless I’m missing something, no one is reading this story from 1920s/30s Germany, and so it needs to have the relationship explained in a way that tries to work for modern standards. Additionally, I think people tend to mix up age-of-consent with “people found this generally appropriate”. A 19 year old dating a 59 year old violates no laws in the United States, but that doesn’t mean that most people are going to consider it a loving and healthy relationship without any proof. Even your in-story characters are probably going to have some thoughts.

The final issue, from Visha’s end of the spectrum, is that even when Tanya is aged up to 18+ and has gained some secondary sexual characteristics, she is sometimes still presented as being an “eternal loli” who can be easily be mistaken for someone around 14/15, an age at which girls normally have some secondary sex characteristics, but distinctly immature ones. I imagine this problem stems from two places:

1) Scenes when Tanya’s lolidom is brought up are not the same scenes as the romantic ones, so the problem is not as obvious to the author and

2) Author forgets that “short+small boobs+doesn’t have wrinkles yet” does not actually result in people looking like they are mid-puberty. Without being really creepy, as women age, their breast tissue drops down and to the side, waist/hip/leg ratios change, and the face loses its baby fat, among other things. Writing that references Tanya as looking like a teen comes along with the unfortunate implication that she actually looks like she is still mid-puberty, and Visha...is into that, instead of being someone who is attracted to petite POST pubescent women.

These are all extremely fixable problems. Really, all an author has to do is make Visha acknowledge that it’s weird, and probably try to talk to Tanya about her reservations before she starts trying to seduce her. It’s the handwave that is the issue. For the last/puberty problem, unless there is some reason I probably don’t want to know about that the author only wants to write the relationship if Tanya looks 14, simply describe her as a petite but adult woman, and if you need to use her looking young as a plot point, have her make an effort to adapt her adult characteristics to suit or hope that nobody looks hard enough to tell the difference.

Tanya Being Creepy

While Tanya is physically the junior member of the relationship, mentally, she is the senior, and by a lot. Tanya knows this. While I don’t necessarily think Salaryman is the Earth’s most morally-pure man, I have a high enough opinion of him to think that he was not pursuing college girls when he was like 35. Tanya should also have a moment of thought over this, or the relationship needs to wait until Visha is closer to her late 20s, when she is approaching a similar level of life maturity that Salaryman would have felt was close to his own.

Even if you think that Salaryman’s logical side would have been eroded by his “but I’m a guy, I can’t help it, college girls are hot” side [I’m side-eyeing you], I think it’s very unlikely that living as Tanya, and being on the receiving end of that kind of stuff, wouldn’t make her reconsider her stance on it, at least a little.

I know, I know, Visha’s been to war! She’s not the same as some random college girl in 2020! While this is allowable as a partial justification, because it is true, it ignores a whole lot.

First off, maturity is not a straightforward drive. All parts of you do not mentally mature at the same time. If you want to write early 20s Visha as a mature-enough partner for Tanya, a bit of time needs to be spent on what Visha loses because of it - she never has, and never will, get to be that happy-go-lucky girl. While making fun of young women for being dramatic gossips, obsessing about non-serious things, etc remains a popular sport, thinking that you are doing Visha a favor by taking that time of her life away from her says pretty terrible things about how society values women’s relationships with each other. If you don’t mean for your fanfic to accidentally imply that, it’s something that needs some love & care.

Alternatively, you could write a story in which Visha, while being a competent adult, still gets space to explore her “girly” side. If doing so, you are going to have to make a really strong case for why Tanya is willing to put up with this, as Salaryman does not come off as someone who would judge it a good use of time & effort to be constantly letting his girlfriend rattle off about things he thinks are silly and immature - there’s a lot of other fish in the sea, why not find one that is a competent adult *and* isn’t often talking about things you don’t care about.

The Canonical Setup of Visha & Tanya’s relationship

Opposite Goals

In a nutshell, Tanya is presented as a person that wants to live a safe, boring, and non-notable life, is doing her best to get there, and is constantly failing and being stressed about it because she needs to figure out a new plan. Visha is presented as someone who has major qualms about Tanya as a human being, but has a nigh-worshipful respect for her heroic officer side.

This is a massive, and I mean MASSIVE problem. You absolutely cannot ignore that what makes the characters happy is diametrically opposed to each other. Can you overcome it? Yes, by slowly developing the characters towards a compromise, but you can’t just not acknowledge it and expect me to think this relationship has any hope of leaving both partners happy. Either Tanya never escapes her never-ending stress cycle, or she does, and the entire basis of Visha’s attachment to Tanya disappears.

This can be fixed by: 1) Tanya coming to terms with a new side of herself, one that wants to be that hero. This cannot just be a one-paragraph epiphany. Tanya is shown to hate when she thinks her internal self is being changed by her new experiences and she needs a lot of work to get to a point where she is willing to acknowledge this in herself.

2) Visha has to go through a rocky part where she second-guesses herself - she thought she wanted Tanya, but turns out, Tanya isn’t the person she thought she is? How and why does she decide that she likes the person Tanya has become? This is probably the easier route, but I think runs the risk of having an author have Visha *say* Tanya does all these other good things for her, but never really show it happening.

3) The happiest medium is probably one where Visha *mostly* adapts towards Tanya, so Tanya gets to live a quiet but not too quiet life, and Visha learns to love another side. As Visha is compromising more in this sense, a healthy relationship is going to include Tanya realizing what is happening and deciding to make an effort to appeal to Visha and not just be like “Take me as I am. Or don’t.” and Visha unilaterally decides to accept that.

Why Does Tanya want to be in a relationship with Visha?

Tanya betrays no actual emotional attachment to Visha in the light novels. While you can read in rationalization to the reasons Tanya gives to her actions, she herself does not believe that it is because of an emotional connection.

Canonically, Tanya is portrayed as liking Visha because of how well Visha passes the “usefulness” test. This brings up another MASSIVE problem - does Tanya, in any way, shape, or form, actually like Visha as an individual, or just  her ability to conform to the role Tanya wants her to play?

Look, I don’t need Tanya to be in LOVE with Visha in the way we usually talk about people being in love to believe that Tanya can be in a relationship successfully. I’m fully on board with a portrayal in which Tanya can’t quite summon that level of emotion. However, she needs to like and respect Visha as an individual person, and summon a level of emotion beyond friend with benefits.

IMO, it is really hard to do that without showing Tanya and Visha disagreeing on a major piece of Tanya’s philosophy and Tanya actually listening and responding positively to it, not simply agreeing to disagree because it isn’t worth upsetting her useful sidekick, or whatever. There needs to be character development of both characters - Visha finding it in herself to be comfortable rocking the boat, and Tanya having a compelling enough reason to change something that she has clung to for two lives.

Everyone wants to be a lesbian

While I get it, the Empire is not the exact same as Germany, and yes, I know that Weimar Germany was relatively sexually progressive, it’s really not something that a well-written romance should handwave.

“Weimar Culture” in many ways developed as a result of how WW1 went for Germany. If you have a story where WW1 doesn’t go that way for Germany, gay culture is unlikely to flourish to the same degree.

All that aside, Tanya isn’t someone that is going to easily shrug her shoulders and say “you know, sometimes you need to jeopardize your career for the sake of hot sex/love”. She’s pretty clear on which she prioritizes. A lesbian relationship is not going to help her here, and she’s going to be aware of it. She needs to struggle with that choice.

Visha not struggling to accept herself as a lesbian is also somewhat of an oversight. It’s pretty unlikely that a woman born in her time period would come to terms with that easily. Visha is also never shown being attracted to other women besides Tanya, which carries a weird “I’m only a lesbian for you” vibe that is like a gross parallel of a straight guy wanting a lesbian to be so attracted to him she can’t help it, she wants the D.

And now, we enter the realm of Tanya’s relationship with her identity and sexuality.

Tanya is shown to have mental qualms both about entering a straight or lesbian relationship in her new life. The reasons behind those qualms are not explored at all in the LN, but they should be in a story in which Tanya goes into a relationship.

No matter which path puberty takes her down, there is the issue of Tanya being comfortable having sex as a woman. Even if it is with another woman, it is not going to be particular similar to the way she had sex with women as a man. That type of thing is pretty tied up with our identity. Tanya hates having her internal, I haven’t changed identity threatened, and not being able to give sexual pleasure/needing to receive it differently is the type of thing that is probably going to come along with some emotional reservations on her part.

Again, sexual identity being a part of our overall identity, while Tanya may remain attracted to women, that means her identity is now as a gay person, not a straight person. Given her biases from both growing up in Japan and the state of gay rights in her new life, it would seem atypical that she would consider this a non-issue and it wouldn’t make her question her priorities or the type of person she thought she was.

But...The Sex?

Look, I get it, sometimes you wanna see certain characters bang. We’ve all been there.

While yes, I recognize that many humans make terrible decisions solely in pursuit of sex, and so it’s perfectly realistic to have Tanya and Visha do the same and say that’s why you’re handwaving everything else, it is an extremely lazy storytelling technique, especially since neither character seems likely to go to extremes for it.

Because people focus so much on sex appeal, unfortunately, they use it as a substitute for making a good case for the relationship. Visha/Tanya is so attracted to Tanya/Visha, that now they are willing to undergo character development, because the pulsing loins urge them to. Really?

Do at least some of it first, lay the groundwork for romantic attraction before you slam them with physical attraction. While it often works the opposite direction in real life, that undercuts the romantic side in fictional story-telling.

I also think that because of the focus on their attraction to each other, what ends up missing in all TanyaxVisha fanfics I’ve seen so far is the tension. That makes it boring, I don’t care about it, and the entire reason I don’t care about it is because the choice to handwave the inconvenient facts means there is nothing in the way besides Tanya being a dumbass, which you can only do for so long without it becoming boring.

They are both attracted to each other, and admit it to themselves. Neither sees any real problem with the relationship other than not knowing if the other person likes them, but they aren’t even hung up on it and mostly work on straightforwardly winning the other person.

When in doubt, blame it on The Patriarchy

As far as we know, Tanya isn’t pining for relationship, and never thinks about a romantic relationship from her old life. Combined with other things Tanya says, it is hard to imagine Salaryman ever had a “considering marriage” relationship - more like, he may have felt partnership had some desirable aspects, but probably never was able to compromise on his kind of extreme worldview enough to try to make it work with someone, just figuring he’d find “the one” one day that wasn’t going to make him compromise.

While of course, you should not need to change everything about who you are for a romantic partner to like you, saying “you should like me for me” and then putting in exactly zero effort to do things because you know they are important to your partner, even if they aren’t for you, is not one of the keys to a successful relationship.

While it is not a problem inherent to Tanya & Visha’s relationship like the above sections, it is a problem in all forms of how I’ve seen the relationship written. It fails to answer a fundamental question: WHAT CHANGED?

Why did Tanya want love/a relationship/a wife in this life, and not in her last? If she did want it in her last life, why did she successfully find love/a relationship/a wife in this life, and not in her last?

Unfortunately, skipping the answer to this question implies that nothing changed. The success is then entirely reliant and Visha, and that brings along with it a really ugly answer.

Visha’s professional I’ll-do-anything-for-you is equated to a personal I’ll-do-anything-for-you, and she very much accepts Tanya for who she is, through all the flaws that are definitely there and that presumably no woman in Salaryman’s life was willing to put up with. Tanya doesn’t have to undergo any character development to be capable of making the relationship work.

This has some really, really unfortunate undertones. It is the very reason why even legal-but-large age difference relationships often aren’t healthy, because the older partner, instead of trying to be someone capable of contributing to the life of someone their own age, decides it’s easier to find someone younger who doesn’t know better and is more willing to put up with their bullshit. That, then, turns into a creepy grooming undertone - you make the less experienced partner think this is normal.

It really isn’t normal or good that Visha should have to put up with a relationship in which she never discovers who she wants to be because she’s so caught up Tanya’s idea of how to live your life. That is borderline emotional abuse, I am sure no one intends it to be there, but without giving some serious treatment to character development, unfortunately, it is.

To me, this has some of the worst overtones of the worst types of male fantasy - My Manic Pixie Dream Girl is completely devoted to me, and instead of emotionally adding to her life and/or our relationship, she is completely fine with me substituting being a Strong Heroic Man who occasionally buys her Nice Things. She demands I change nothing of myself and completely agrees with my Logical Man worldview, no matter what she needs to change about herself to get there. She’s hot, and I get to simultaneously be a straight man and have hot lesbian sex. Even better, because she’s a “strong” woman who is capable in her own right, not only am I physically satisfied, but I get the ego boost of “earning” the submission and subordination of a woman who is better than most people, because she knows I’m better than her.

Honestly, the more I think about it, the grosser it gets, so as far as fanfic goes I just try to ignore it and understand that the authors intention wasn’t to bring along all this baggage. However, to truly write a good Tanya x Visha story that gets away from all these unfortunate implications is a big undertaking, and it’s really impossible for it to make for a compelling side-plot that doesn’t get much screentime.

I’m generally fine with handwaving issues for sideplots, but if Tanya is making decisions because of her relationship with Visha that are now affecting the main plot, it really isn’t something that *should* be handwaved.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

[theelliottsmiths]

do you feel like talking about tillchard? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 not necessarely in a shippy way, just,,, how their relationship functions and why,,,, how they made it work for so long even tho they're so different,,,, i'm trying to write them but i'm in a bit of a block and i feel like you can word things so well and hopefully it will make me able to string words together again 🥺🥺 have a good day in any case 🥺🥺

Okay we have to ease into this my brain needs to warm up to switch tracks so I'm just gonna

Disclaimer: this is mostly conjecture and inference, take it with a full handful of salt.

I feel like whether or not they're all that different is up for debate? Maybe in terms of interests and conflict management skills, but the fundamentals seem pretty similar. I'd argue that's usually the basis for long, intense friendships: your core structures are the same but there's enough difference further out towards the surface that it stays a little spicy.

For a start, they both had rough home lives, though to different extents and in different ways, and I think that's one of those things that really helps people bond deeply (especially as young adults). Finding someone who understands what you've experienced can be difficult, not even accounting for the fact that they didnt have the internet to seek others out and kind of met by chance.

For Richard, who learned from a fairly early age it was him against everything and everyone else, and Till, who at that time had gone through some interpersonal shit with the people he worked with before leaving to move in with his dad and then also the stuff with his dad, it must have been almost... Shocking? to meet someone they could click with and depend on. It doesn't sound like they had that before, but nobody really has asked them. On top of that is all kinds of other trauma and the mental health issues (depression, addiction, anxiety etc) that they can at least to some degree understand in each other. I have no idea how long it took for their friendship to get that intense or any of that more specific stuff, but I honestly don't think that matters: They understand each other at a pretty fundamental level now. Sometimes I think about how Till believes in karma and Richard believes in fate and I just... Yeah.

They have very different feelings and reactions when it comes to disagreements (Till hates conflict and will try to placate people or just do what they want completely, Richard prefers a good cathartic argument) and I can absolutely see them having a hard time with that, especially when they lived together for a while. Whether they have much to fight over besides silly friend/bandmate/brother things remains to be seen.

They're also both very driven and creative almost to a fault? Though Till seems a lot better at switching off and leaving that headspace, whereas Richard doesn't seem like he'd be able to even of he wanted to, which I don't think he does. If one is lost in their work the other will understand. I wonder whether they try to offer support, given how much emotion they both channel into it, or if that's not something either of them would want.

They feed into each others creativity so nicely too. They use that to their complete advantage and honestly just... Can you imagine Rammstein if they didn't go to each other with their ideas first? I think they need each others encouragement before they face the more critical members of the band: the support of a single person can make so much difference.

When the Mutter Situation was in progress Till was the only one in Richards side, though I doubt he inserted himself into many arguments because he's allergic to shouting. I with my whole heart believe that Richard would have tried to leave Rammstein if it wasn't for Till. He'd already thought about it, in particular at times when they were struggling financially. Without that tether would he have gone back willingly? I'm not so sure. He loved them and they were still friends outside of the work, but I don't know that the work with them would feel worth it. Complete conjecture.

Theyll have inevitably drifted in and out of their friendship over the years, which I know a lot of us (especially those of is in our teens and twenties) hate the idea of because we have not experienced 30-year adult friendships and therefore it feels Risky, but actually thats pretty fine. It seems like at some point Richard wasn't happy with the gap and he made efforts to change it, which says so much about him and them. No idea if it worked, but it (along with the stuff with the other guys) shows he's willing to work against his whole lone wolf thing. Again, that man will fight. I'm sure Till was receptive.

I also really do think the other guys being there and them all forming the band was vital. Yes, it did eventually mean their friendship morphed into something more like brothers and colleagues than friends, but again, Let's Go. "Sometimes people need to be reminded". Having those shared friends/bandmates—as well as Khira li, come to think of it— meant that two men who seem fairly prone to cutting themselves off from everyone else didn't have the choice to completely grow apart. It means they had even more shared experiences and had no choice but to be physically together for long stretches of time.

Related to the mutter thing, I do wonder sometimes how Till is when it comes to Richards drug addiction. He's not exactly a fan of the therapy (did it hurt Richard when Till said therapy makes people egotistical, what with him praising it so highly himself?) and still does drugs and binge drinks. How safe is he to be around if Richard is in a bad spot? Presumably Till isn't like that when he's not in work mode, so hanging out one in one or with family/the other boys is probably okay, but in tour? Well, maybe that's why Paul looks after him on stage like that.

Yeah. They're sweet boys and I'm glad they met each other, both because of the band and because they were clearly good for each other. Regardless of any of the negative stuff I just said they love each other. So. Fucking. Much.

Okay so looking back upon this I do not know if I did what you asked. Uh. Shit. Distraction:

[tamamatango]

Let’s talk about Kururu, again

Apparently the fandom is growing all of a sudden so I feel like talking about Kururu again cuz that’s all I know how to do and it’s been a while

First off disclaimer that fandom is fandom and anybody can interpret any character any way they want and if you like to portray a character a certain way for whatever reason go for it, more power to you (unless you put them in pedo/incest relationships that are displayed as good in which case fuck you). But in my personal Kirbpinion(TM) the Funimation dub was a fucking mistake because so many fan content creators write a way different Kururu than what he is in canon cuz the dub never got to his best episodes and also upped the sadism to ridiculous levels. Listen I know it’s funny to joke that he’s the kind of guy that has 3 medieval torture chambers but hear me out. Kururu is by no means a perfect person, he’s genuinely pretty rude/blunt (though sometimes his straightforwardness is justified :P), has an ego, sometimes acts pretty gross around others and likes extreme and elaborate pranks way way way too much BUT.

Assuming you’ve watched far enough into the series (like 100+ eps) I do not really understand the interpretation that he doesn’t care about anyone and that friendship and love are things he is totally incapable of. He says that yes but if you pay enough attention to his dialogue it becomes pretty apparent that he displays this attitude for multiple reasons. One is that he does genuinely have a hard time expressing the emotions he feels and often has awkward/guarded ways of doing so. But also he says many times over the course of the series that he has a “reputation” to keep up and wants people to call him a jerk; he wants to look cool and rebellious all the time and he thinks a nasty apathetic attitude is what earns him that status (not claiming that’s a healthy mindset, mind you). He wants to have full control over the way people see him and he gets super frustrated and humiliated when he can’t. This is probably why he gets so upset when people talk about how unpopular he is, because he’s spent so much time honing his image to a T and is like why the fuck isn’t this working?! In other words even though sometimes he is just an actual pain in the neck a lot of his asshole antics are part of a carefully manufactured persona, and he will do anything down to labeling his own memories to prevent other people from seeing through his facade and discovering the parts of him that are vulnerable.

And God forbid anyone does figure out that he does care quite a bit for the people around him, or at least if he didn’t at first he does now. Early on in the series he was commonly referred to as “depressing” and while the meta reason is probably just the anime writers just didn’t know how to adapt the character yet (he started out a little differently in the manga), in canon I believe he was just even more inclined to push everybody away from him, and as he began to get used to working in a group he gradually opened up. He commentates on how “soft” he’s gotten since he came to Earth a couple times, and the fact that he’s surprisingly one of the most loyal to Keroro out of the whole team (in many episodes where everyone abandons Keroro for being dumb he leaves last) and goes out of his way to help when he thinks it’s warranted (he asks for money when things aren’t dire yeah but hey labor deserves compensation :V) shows that he is dedicated to his team. There’s even episodes where he doles out some kind of moral lesson to the squad in his own Kururu-y way, especially to Keroro and Tamama. Even the Hinatas he’ll pitch in to protect when he has to, and we all know he’ll pretty much drop everything if Saburo needs him.

Speaking of which. I think the unspoken reason why he’s best friends with Saburo (besides the surface-level stuff like they’re smart and nerdy and seen as enigmas by everybody else) is because Saburo is the only other person in the cast who understands Kururu’s particular struggle of putting on airs as a means of self-defense all the time. He basically has a carefully managed celebrity life (that he has to constantly work to hide in anime canon), a somewhat formal/reserved public life, and the more quirky enthusiastic side of himself he only shows when alone and to the few people he’s close to and god damn that just sounds like the most exhausting juggling act ever. He has an outlet to free himself through his art but he still has to live with nobody quite knowing what he goes through on a daily basis, which is probably why we see him off on his own for most of the series (until he gets to warm up to everybody better...wonder who that sounds like) and occasionally have his bouts of frustration and insecurity like in 229 where he says “fuck it I’m gonna fight the apocalypse alone because I need something to do,” 354(? I think that’s the number) where he talks about just dropping everything and starting over, and I think one of the Christmas eps where Giroro has to like beg him to go to the Hinatas’ party cuz he says he’s “busy” even though he’s just sitting around pretty much (UPDATE: it’s 294 the implication is probably that he has his show or something but cmon that’s only like an hour lol). I am going off on a tangent now but anyway the point is he and Kururu are the most complicated communicators of the cast and they share feelings only they understand which is why they can more or less read each other’s minds and know exactly what to do when the other is in trouble.

Back to Kururu. Keroro, from what I can tell, is the closest to him out of the Platoon; Keroro gets freaked out by Kururu’s pranks sometimes yeah but they have a lot of common interests as the fun-lovers of the group and Kururu’s also kinda been interested in Keroro enough time follow him around for almost his entire life up to this point so there’s that. He also gets along with the other people he‘s around; we know he and Aki get along from the beginning because of how dynamic their personalities are but later on he gets close to Fuyuki to the point where they just hang out for the heck of it sometimes, and even though Natsumi is very justified in generally disliking him (many of Kururu’s more Eugh moments tend to involve her) even she seems to rely on him often, and in the cursed puppy episode she knows all his favorite foods by heart so she must care in some fashion lol. Dororo and he aren’t evidently super close but I think they get each other on some level as the (in-universe) least popular of the platoon and Dororo at least respects his abilities, and has clearly come to figure out his subtleties based on 229. Giroro and Mois...things get complicated. Just putting on record that I’m not a fan of either ship between Kururu and them. I’ve said this before but I think Giroro and Kururu are in a turbulent sibling-adjacent relationship in that they have completely opposing attitudes but they have a begrudging sense of respect for each other and, ultimately, they’re teammates, so they’ll defend each other when someone they don’t know tries to mess with them. I really don’t think the flirty stuff on Kururu’s end goes beyond teasing and I got kinda sick of that running gag if I’m being honest. (You can probably tell which frog I ship Kururu with by now :P) Mois went from something of a rival to Kururu to his lab partner, which is probably why he goes easier on her than he used to and even strikes up something of a friendship because the only other person he knows that might be capable of handling his technology is an Earthling who’s still against the invasion despite his lax attitude so. She helps :V

Now the question is why Kururu acts like he does if his relationships really aren’t all that bad and I think there’s two components to this. I’ve made it clear by now I think he’s autistic but your mileage may vary there. I think personally his childhood did something to the way he processes things as well. In Secret of the Kero Ball, he’s got a bandage on his head which may imply he got hurt somewhere and then he almost drowned which canonically definitely did something to him lol, was mostly seen alone so who knows if he has a family he still talks to, and then he got drafted into the army and placed into a high-ranking position of great responsibility at a very young age; it’s kind of a no-brainer why he rebeled and got demoted eventually. I’ve got plenty of headcanons about what his early days in the Military did to him but that’s for another day because good God this post went on too long.

In short: Kururu is possibly the most complicated character in the show and the F in Flanderization stands for “Funimation.” That’s it I’m never writing another essay about pee-color frog again I will make real content again at some point I promise

[moontheoretist]

Another episode full of things! Let’s start from Nao, because this episode was mostly focused on him, and he was at the center of what happened. As you can see on the screenshots above, Nao’s mother became even worse with her nagging about him quiting the soft tennis club, to the point that Nao started losing it. He started lying to his mother, but from his behavior it’s hard to tell if he really was trying to lie at all. It more looked like he was repeating things he memorized before, but didn’t have a heart to sell it all. The last image represents the moment when he starts seeing world which doesn’t exist, his mum smiling at him and listening to him instead of nagging him and trying to convince him that he should quit the club for his own good (or more like her good).

Nao’s mum doesn’t really care about his feelings or anything which is Nao. She even tried to police his left-handedness by ordering him to use chopstick with a right hand, which definitely isn’t his dominant one. She doesn’t care so much about her own child, while in the same time acting as she does, to the point of trying to erase Nao, which she gave birth to and retrain him to be not-Nao, or more like the Nao she imagined he would be if she could control him.

Control is the best word in Nao’s situation, because as you can see, Nao’s mum only cares about him being obedient and doing everything she wants. If he doesn’t do that, she takes it on herself to make it happen by sabotaging him on every turn, talking with teachers and nagging him endlessly to quit. 

In comparison to her Nao’s father is basically a ghost. He doesn’t talk, doesn’t look at Nao at all during breakfast, doesn’t try to have contact with his own child. He just eats, goes to work and has everything is his ass, throwing whole responsibility for raising his son on his wife, with whom he also doesn’t talk. If he didn’t exist, nothing would change, because his role in this house is basically nonexistent. He doesn’t care, doesn’t ask, just works, works and works.

Nao in the meantime is left completely alone with a mother who tries to control everything he does, but also doesn’t care for him so much, that she doesn’t even notice he stopped eating his food all together. I was worried that Nao may literally start suffering from anemia in this episode, but anime went into more complicated territory and bless the creators for doing so, because it was not only informative, but nobody freaked out and didn’t try to demonize Nao over the fact that the amount of stress he deals in his own house at daily basis made him into pathological liar, who cannot discern lies from truth anymore and whose thinking goes in weird directions, because of the burden his brain has to deal with.

His stressed overburdened brain made him believe that match will be canceled, because of An-chan, which he just found. He was unable to logically asses the situation anymore, because for him someone had to be blamed for what will inevitably happen, even if finding An should actually work in the match’s favor. 

Any person who was able to think would see that at the time, but Nao wasn’t able to see that anymore, hence why he locked An inside the infirmary. It seemed for him as the only logical solution, even though it wasn’t logical at all. He truly believed that getting rid of An-chan somehow will save the match. His brain literally stopped processing information right at that point, so when Nao is confronted by Taiyou and Maki, he is only able to lie in his defense. In his world he didn’t do anything malicious, he was protecting the match and the team, even though he was doing the exact opposite of that. 

It was really hard for me to understand what happened so it was nice that anime used characters to actually explain the issue with Nao. And as you can see, nobody is actually mad at him for what he had done. They all collectively tried to understand why he had done that, instead of blaming him for what he had done.

The only person actually angry at Nao was Nao himself. Nobody else blamed him, because everybody knew how hard time he has at home every single day with his overprotective, abusive mother who cares only about the image of her son she created in her head, but not about her real son at all. To be honest, Nao sounded suicidal in that scene, and I am seriously worried about him.

Happily the boys his mum hates so much are there for him to help and support him in his suffering. I wonder what will happen next. Do they have any way to battle his mum and make her stop before she will make Nao lose it completely?

I truly hope so, because I LITERALLY HATE THAT BITCH!

[lov3nerdstuff]

Dark Stars

*Loki x OFC*

Part: 1/10

Words: 5.5k

Chapter warnings: some dark thoughts

Genre: angst, mystery, romance

Summary: ~Loki could just let her die here and now. His problems would be solved and he could go back to his usual ways. But then he would forever be left with an unsolved mystery and he hated the prospect of that even more than the fear of what would happen if she lived.~

Or: A story of what happens when Loki stumbles upon someone who is like him in every way. Only better. Oh, and they just happen to save Asgard too.

A.N.: To celebrate over 1000 people following me (how insane is that?!), I decided to share the newly edited version of the very first Loki fanfiction I ever wrote back in the day! Enjoy the mischief 💚

All Parts can be found on my Masterlist!

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It was an unbearably sunny late afternoon in Asgard, one of the kind that threatened to suffocate you with its looming silence and drown you with its sizzling heat. Nothing out of ordinary was going on in the palace, much to Loki's disdain. He certainly didn't mind the temperature, nor the silence, but the nerve-wracking boredom was slowly killing him, nagging at his mind and chipping away pieces of his sanity.

Just a few days ago he had been let out of the palace prisons, once again, and he hoped it was for good this time. He hated the place, hated the cold boredom, hated the time he could spend getting lost in his internal darkness. The prisons were a dangerous place, but not as dangerous as his own mind. Yet he seemed to be locked into both equally often. Every time Loki just slightly misbehaved, or caused the tiniest mischief, Odin would have him locked up for weeks, sometimes even months. Every opportunity to get him out of the public sphere was taken advantage of.

But today he was free at last. The question was for how long though, as the allfather surely would waste no time to find another excuse to send Loki back to confinement. It was becoming rather a boring game between them.

Currently Loki found himself alone. Thor was, like mostly everyone else, busy with all the important matters nobody would let Loki even come close to. Not that he would care... Always the outsider, he was usually left to mind his own business, which he gladly did.

Thus he was only strolling through the palace, lost in his own thoughts, drowning. At least the rage he had felt all day, about the despicable pack that was his family, was slowly receding to the normal disdain he felt for them at all times.

He was just crossing into a bright hall with a large balcony, heavy balustrade ornamented with imprints of long past glory, when something caught his eye. He stopped dead in his track, turning to look at the balcony with narrowed eyes and a deep frown.

Right there on the balustrade lay a girl with her arms crossed under her head, gazing up into the clouds.

After a second of admitted surprise and another of careful consideration, Loki walked out onto the balcony, already preparing for conflict. She was not supposed to be here, not supposed to have gotten here. He knew everyone in the palace. And yet he had absolutely no idea who she was.

As soon as he came in close enough to see her more clearly, she suddenly turned her head to face to him. Those breathtaking green eyes... A small smirk spread on her lips, mere seconds before she sat up and let herself fall backwards, off the balcony, into the beginning sunset.

Loki's eyes widened as he halted in something one might be able to describe as shock, considering it was an expression coming from Loki, who never really felt things of quite the ordinary sort.

In an instant he stood at the balustrade. Nothing. She had simply vanished into thin air. Or she had shattered on the hard ground far below the balcony, but Loki highly doubted it. What an odd encounter… The frown remained on Loki's face, but he decided to let it slide for the sake of returning to his brooding. It wasn't his task to keep intruders out of the palace, after all, and he wasn't willing to do Odin's job.

Still, over the course of this day and the next few Loki was sure to see her from time to time, bright eyes gazing at him from the shadows, her small silhouette lounging about in the corners of the palace… But it was more of a feeling than an actual sight. She was definitely there, even if he couldn't see her.

A week later –Loki had been strolling through the palace gardens for the majority of the day– he made his way to the kitchens once night had fallen upon the kingdom. His family didn't bother to call him to dinner anymore, for he had never once joined their elaborate feasts since his latest release from the prisons, and Loki generally avoided contact with them as much as possible. Maybe out of personal pride, maybe to give them no opportunity to mock and hurt him any further.

Only Thor had cared enough to tell the servants to set some food aside in the kitchen, for Loki to find and enjoy in his own time. The thoughtful gesture, admittedly, made Loki care a little more for his idiot brother than for the other idiots.

As he went to retrieve his meal now, in the safety of the darkness, his mind wandered back to the girl in the shadows. How had she done that, back on the balcony? Just vanishing… He believed it to be something only he himself was truly capable of. But his pondering was of no use, despite the burning need to understand the occurrence, and he realized that he needed to attend to his physical needs for now. His stomach was very precise in its growling.

However as soon as he entered the kitchen, he noticed that he was not alone.

"Do you realize that intruding is a crime? So is stealing food from the royal kitchen…" He said while quickly scanning the dark room out of the corners of his eyes. A slight smile played on his lips, as he found that this shadowy game of cat and mouse might have run into a dead end.

"It's only a crime if I get caught…" A sweet voice answered a short moment later, and Loki could hear the smile in it, while he had yet to make out where she was.

"Well, I have been arrested for less." He laughed breathily, slowly sauntering over from one wall of the room to the other. "Have you at least found what you are looking for?"

A brief moment of deep silence followed, then an empty golden plate came sliding down the grand table in the middle of the room, right out of the darkness and straight towards Loki.

"Have you indeed?" She chuckled.

"That was my food." Loki replied with a deep chill to his voice. It obviously bothered him that someone was taking what was his, but the girl, this riddle of who she was and where she had come from… it fascinated him beyond measure.

"I beg your pardon, dear sir." She said, sarcasm dripping from every word.

"Why do you steal food and why are you in the palace?" Loki finally asked, ignoring her previous comment.

"Why are you?" She smiled. "Sneaking into the kitchen late at night?"

"Don't you know who I am?" He asked, slowly getting more and more amused by the way she was talking to him. It was a temerity, and Loki loved it.

"I know many things, my dear sir, but why would I need to know who you are? Isn't it far more interesting to know what you are? How you are? Why you are?" Her soft voice wrapped around his senses like a lure, cast out only for him to drown in.

Loki frowned, curiosity flashing in his eyes as he finally spotted her dark frame in the darkness of the kitchen. "Why don't you stop playing games with me and tell me who you are instead?" He asked calmly, in the same sensual, deep richness in which she spoke to him before.

Again, her voice was sweet when she responded, but full of passion. "But life would be no fun without games, don't you think?"

Loki froze in his movements, a small smirk appearing on his face, an imprint of his sincere amusement. "Indeed it wouldn't. Very well…"

He watched her shadowy form wander from the wall on the other side of the room, towards the open window front.

"Well, I assume I will see you soon." He said once she had reached the open window, with a little more hope in his voice than appropriate.

"What makes you so sure I will come back?" She responded with the same smirk upon her lips, turning around to face Loki as she stood a mere inch from the edge, where the floor met the open air.

"What makes you so sure I won't have the guards arrest you when you do?" Loki mused, but whether she could hear him he did not know, and he did not care either.

With one more amused smile she let herself fall backwards into the night, eyes fixed on Loki's in curious intensity before she was gone.

Loki did not even bother checking where she went… Maybe she just had a thing for letting herself fall from a mile above the ground?

Shaking his head, he headed back towards his chambers, unable to drop the smile that had manifested itself upon his lips. His dinner plans were long forgotten and his mind busy with more important matters. This night, he did not sleep at all.

_______________

From that day on, Loki was more attentive towards his surroundings. He knew he should not hope to find the girl again... And yet he so desperately wanted to. To solve this mystery that had found its way into his dull life. This whole situation had him on edge on a constant basis, had thrown him into deep conflict with himself. As the days passed, his initial curiosity slowly turned into anger, for he could think of absolutely nothing but her, and the anger turned soon into hatred. Why did confusing emotions always lead to hatred with him?

Loki had always felt a deep hatred for confusing emotions, for distractions, that was nothing new. But now that he wanted nothing more than to find the girl, he hated himself even more for being so consumed by this desire. It, she, was a distraction, nothing more. He had more important matters to attend to! But he couldn't simply stop being intrigued and fascinated and… Could not bring his mind to shut up about her. For that, it made him hate her as well. As the distraction she had become to him. The unsolved mystery, the desire he could not get rid of.

His days were spent brooding in the most shadowy places of the palace and its surroundings, and at night he would aimlessly wander around the halls and corridors until he somehow would end up back at the kitchen. He hated how disappointed he was every time he had to see that he was alone.

The tenth night after their little chat, as he once more came to collect his meal in disappointment to find her absent, he looked down onto the well-laid table with a sigh and a roll his eyes. By all the nine realms, what was happening to his sanity?! What was he doing here, going to do now?

Slowly, sighing to himself, he turned on his heels and locked the kitchen door from the inside. Then he opened a window just wide enough for the gap to be visible to the watchful eye and finally he used his magic to bring himself back to his room, all the while frowning deeply at his own despicable actions.

A few hours later he returned to the kitchen the very same way he had left, finding the plate empty and all dishes neatly washed up. With another curse to himself, he unlocked the door and left. Only then, finally, would his mind allow him to think of other matters once again. For the first time in two weeks.

He continued this procedure for another week, all the while torturing himself mentally. She was a small flame, and he the raging fires of Hel. And still, he set the table for her every night.

It appeared to him to be so wrong, everything he had been doing lately. Thinking about her. About their talk. And giving her a direct invitation to steal his food. He hadn't eaten all that much himself, finding no appetite for anything but information. It all was utterly stupid. But then, why did he continue to do it anyway?

Every time he saw a person during his walks through the palace, they would always jump out of his way. Almost no one wanted to deal with him and his moods, and the rest avoided him anyway. His temper had gotten so bad, so feared, that a rumor had started, saying he was up to some sinister things again. Others said he had finally gone mad once and for all. But everyone had somehow collectively decided to avoid him even more than before.

Honestly, their ways and actions didn't bother Loki much, for he was way more concerned about his own erratic behavior.

But suddenly, after another week, he had finally managed to regain some control over his scattered mind. The incident in the kitchen was pushed back to the darkest corner of his mind, locked up behind the most intricate seals, and she was no more than another face he had once upon a time laid eyes upon.

That was when he decided to take a walk through the palace garden late, at night and in the comfort of the darkness. The night was seemingly the only time he left his chambers these days, for it allowed him to avoid the preying eyes of the folk.

The further away he walked from the palace, the better he felt and the more at ease his troubled mind was. Once he reached his ultimate destination, he sighed almost contently. Two trees, in perfect symmetry.

From the outside, from the mere look, there was nothing that could have given away his secret. He smiled to himself as he walked through the gap between the two trees. Around him, the landscape changed, blurred and reorganized itself until he found himself standing on a clearing with a lovely natural pool, surrounded by large rocks.

This had been his hideaway all throughout his childhood… A picture perfect little place, securely hidden by as many illusions as his magic as a child had allowed him. Of course he had come back and changed a few things though, making it even more uninviting for any stranger who happened to pass by.

But this time when he stepped into the opening, he noticed the difference immediately.

"How...?" He asked quietly, anger and irritation not even remotely hidden from his voice. "How DARE you come to this place?!" His voice rang through the clearing like a rough wind, touching everything in reach in a shaking, threatening quiet.

And here they were once more, the girl and his endlessly torturing thoughts… Loki's blood froze over and started boiling at the very same time. Cold bit harder than fire, cold was cunning in the way it numbed its victim to the damage.

Slowly she walked towards Loki, and he had to keep himself from killing this little worm right on the spot. Her presence here scared him deeply, and Loki, like everyone in fear, lashed out when feeling threatened. This was his space, his alone.

"Hello." She said calmly and came to a stop only a couple feet in front of him. Now he could finally see her more clearly, more real, for the night was bright with stars and a low hanging moon as full as Thor had been at the last banquet.

She looked young, Loki thought. But her eyes seemed to bear the wisdom of many lifetimes.

"How were you able to get to this place?" Loki whispered, full of irritation and a hint of wonder. She frowned, opening her mouth but closing it again quickly.

"There was a door between the two trees and I walked right through it. Isn't that what one is supposed to do with doors? And well, here I am." She replied finally, reluctantly. All the while she didn't look at his eyes, but rather at his shoulders, his hands, his legs.

Loki was irritated to say the least. Normally his barrier would block out everyone except for himself and well, his mother, because she also…

"You are a creature of magic." He said lowly, taking a step closer to the girl. She didn't flinch, nor move, which honestly surprised him, considering his forcefully hostile attitude.

"And that makes you so angry?" She asked quietly, looking straight into Loki's eyes at last. And in that very moment, something strange happened. Not the romantic kind of strange, but the strange kind of strange really.

Loki was completely taken aback as suddenly images flooded his mind, horrible, dark images of pain and torture and things even worse than that. Imagines he could not quite put meaning to, until he saw a little girl that looked terribly beaten up, and even more scared. Then pain hit him like a lightning, forcing him to his knees and finally to the ground altogether. Yet as suddenly as it had come, it was all gone again.

Panting he lay on his back, chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to catch his breath, and his eyes slowly began to adjust to the real world again. It took him a second to remind himself of his current situation, but as soon as it hit him, he jumped to his feet. The girl was still lying on the ground, breathing heavily as had Loki.

Without a second thought he let a blade of ice appear in his hand and moved to tower over her small body.

"I thought you were a nice guy." She chuckled breathlessly while Loki pressed her torso back to the ground with his foot. The gesture made a part of his being protest heavily, and another dance in victory. It remained for later to see which part was larger.

"You know nothing about me..." He said gravely, while his eyes pierced hers. "YOU have no right to be here."

"Well, you didn't mind when you let me into the palace every night." She answered with a smirk that sent a jolt of energy through Loki's heart. His hand with the blade in it began to shake ever so slightly, only for him to suppress the movement immediately. He was already torn enough about his behavior in his mind… he didn't need his body betray him as well.

"Because the palace is the allfather's concern. I wouldn't care if the rats came and overtook the damn place." He spoke calmly, yet felt mind protest heavily at his current actions. He ignored the voice telling him to stop the hostility. "But this little piece of nothing, this utterly unimportant part of nature, this is mine alone. And I will not allow anyone to take it from me." His voice dropped to a dangerous low as he lifted the blade and… saw the images of the frightened, beaten up little girl in his head. The blade hit the ground less than an inch next to her head. With a shivering breath he stepped away from her, running his hands through his hair in despair. What was he doing!? He should punish her for intruding, for taking control over his mind so effortlessly, maybe even so unknowingly... He should just end his own torment by ending her, right here and right now, to never think of it again. But he couldn't.

"I'm sorry." She finally said and got up, walking towards Loki with long, elegant strides. "You were very nice, gracious, in letting me into the kitchen, and I didn't mean to be disrespectful." A second before she could place a hand on his shoulder, his own hand shot up to stop her mid-air.

"Don't. EVER. Do that again." He said in a warning, but not angry tone. Half a second later he let go of her hand and turned to leave. With his back to her, he finally spoke up once more. "I expect you to be gone before sunrise. And don't come back to the palace. If I ever have to lay eyes upon you again, you will come to know just now nice I really am."

With that he left her standing in the middle of the opening and marched right through the secret entrance, convincing himself that he wasn't fleeing, and failing at it most miserably. But all those images, his locked away thoughts, the confusion, the CHAOS… It was too much to bear. Even his stoic facade had its limits.

Once back in the ordinary palace gardens, he did not get far before he heard her voice call out to him.

"What's your name?" She asked curiously. "I at least want to know the name of the nicest man I have ever met."

He stopped in his movement, closing his eyes, and cursed his mind for being so weak. "Loki." He gave back shortly, and before his stupid mind would bring forth any more foolish actions, he brought himself back to his chambers with magic. He was not in the mood for something as mundane as walking back. To be precise, he was not in the mood for anything at all. Thus he only shed his clothing at once for the sake of a hot bath. Only as he dwelt in the comfort of the almost boiling water, he closed his eyes, hoping he would just fall asleep and drown for real, as he already had in his mind.

_______________

A few days had passed when Loki decided to join the official meals once more, for the kitchen felt like burnt territory now. And the hatred for this damn kingdom would maybe distract him from the hatred he felt for himself and his actions, his words, his thoughts.

"I'm glad that you have finally come to sense, brother." Thor greeted him happily. Loki ignored him.

"It was about time you let go of that dark demeanor and brooding indifference. I have arranged for you to sit next to father, who wants to have a word with you, and I, and I made sure that…" Thor talked on, but Loki had turned on his heels already to head back towards the exit.

Nope, he couldn't do it. He felt overwhelmed by the mere thought of being surrounded by all those utterly stupid people and their utterly meaningless conversations. A room full of people who hated him wasn't the best company, though they hated him not nearly as much as he hated himself. Not even true hatred those puny creatures were capable of… only feasting and smalltalk. No harsh emotions.

He returned to his chambers and sat down on the balustrade of his own balcony, watching the ongoings far below him. Literally and figuratively.

After what seemed like a small eternity of silent peace on the outside and a raging battlefield on the inside, there was a determined knock on his door.

"Loki?" Thor's voice sounded muffled through the thick wood and chipping paint. "Loki I know you are in there. Will you let me in?"

Of course Loki wouldn't. He remained sitting still on the balustrade, pondering over the implications and results of simply jumping. He wouldn't get hurt, not really after all, and he could always teleport back to where he was now, to safety, to misery. Maybe he shouldn't save himself though, that might be for the better of everyone. Unfortunately Loki didn't care for the better of everyone, not on the outside at least, only in a place hidden very deeply within him.

"Loki…" Thor sounded annoyed.

"What, brother?!" Loki spat out the last word as if it was venom on his lips.

"I… I would like to apologize for being so…" Thor's voice trailed off.

"...Stupid? Ignorant? Foolish? Bearded, maybe?" Loki helped him out, but only gained a chuckle in response. Not the desired reaction. His words were not meant to amuse, but to hurt. Maybe he should've stopped at foolish to get his point across.

"I meant to say pushy." Thor finally sighed. "I know how much you dislike our family and… well, everyone basically, but…"

The door flew open and Loki stood only inches away from his brother's face. "THEY despise ME. Why should I treat them any differently..."

Thor sighed. "Not everyone despises you, Loki."

Loki turned around to his room and walked back to the balustrade, leaving the door open for reasons beyond him. Thor followed quietly. "I don't despise you…"

Loki didn't answer, but instead moved to stand on top of the railing, staring down into the city below him with an angry frown. Thor was a fool for believing Loki would actually care at all whether he despised him or not… a fool for not hating Loki like he ought to. Thor seriously made hiding behind hatred difficult than it should be. Why by Valhalla did nobody understand that it was safest for everyone to leave Loki alone for good?!

"...and I think you shouldn't despise yourself either." Thor finally said, now standing in the open window that led onto the balcony.

With an annoyed glare, Loki turned around to face his brother. "You were never one to talk about feelings, and I honestly preferred you that way." He looked him right in the eye, wondering how to get away from the very much unnecessary conversation. "Go mind your own business. Be a good pet to your father."

Then he let himself fall backwards, the only possible route of escape. Off the balustrade, down towards the city in a rushing speed. Just like she had done… He willed his mind to shut up already. He heard Thor shout his name… how vain, really. But Loki only closed his eyes and enjoyed the calm, and for a brief moment he felt free. Free of hatred, free of pain, free of sadness. Of anger, guilt and revenge. The feeling was dangerously addicting. He was only himself, in a way that he should always have been and never will be indeed.

But the brief moment passed and all the confusing emotions came rushing back, heavier and more grave than he had felt them before. Maybe the people were right, maybe he was insane.

Then he hit the ground, not even bothering to slow down his fall before the inevitable collision. Fortunately enough, he landed right in the middle of a field with no one around to report the incident back to their king. Surprisingly, he hadn't died. It did not even hurt. Damn. Stupid plan, after all.

He didn't specifically want to die, but he wouldn't quite mind either. So he merely remained laying in the trench the force of his impact had created. At least no one would bother him here, and he could think in peace, could start to sort through this internal maze, this downward spiral of irrational behavior and divergence from his usual self.

Oh how wrong he was in assuming he would find peace here, as a few minutes later he noticed Thor's heavy footsteps making the ground vibrate beneath him.

"Brother, you seriously have a problem or a few…" Thor sighed as he sat down next to Loki.

"Yeah I know…" Loki sighed bitterly, opting for sarcasm. "Thank you very much for pointing it out though."

Thor sighed again and rested his face in his palms in utter exasperation. The view made Loki smile for the first time in days.

_______________

That night was the first after a row of many sleepless ones where he could finally find some rest.

The next evening, he tried once again to join dinner. He ought to push himself if he ever wanted to forget about the girl and to prove to himself that he was still very much the collected, intelligent god he deemed himself to be, instead of this insane mess of internal chaos. Had the girl ever left his secret garden? Had she come back to the palace already, stealing and spying?

He cleared his mind of those thoughts and walked into the great hall where dinner was to be served every moment now. After the first steps into the room, he could already feel the preying eyes on himself, the ogling and whispering.

"What is he doing here?" Someone asked in disbelief, someone else merely gasped.

Loki however remained silent, his face frozen and grave. His eyes landed on Thor, who already looked surprised enough. Odin on the other hand showed nothing but disdain. Surely he would rather have Loki locked up again where no one could see the poor excuse of a son Loki knew Odin saw in him.

The entire hall had fallen silent as Loki walked towards his designated seat. With the same stoic expression he sat down and soon the talk around him began to pick up again.

"You certainly know how to make an entrance…" Thor smiled. "Do not worry brother, I will leave you alone and not repeat yesterday's mistakes."

"Thank you." Loki responded calmly, but he felt highly uncomfortable. Even though he could be beyond charming and very much likable if he wanted to be, most of it was merely pretense and came out so rarely that most people had forgotten there was any goodness left in him at all.

So he just sat in silence and ate his food, while watching the people around him. Most of them were talking to each other, eating and laughing, and still Loki did not miss the glares everyone was giving him from time to time. It was the first instance in forever that he was joining an official event after all. People weren't used to his presence, and neither was he used to theirs.

Suddenly a guard came rushing into the room and quickly strode towards the allfather, quietly talking to him in obvious haste. The other dinner guests didn't seem to take much notice of it.

Odin called Thor to his side, whispering to him now, while looking at Loki in deepest suspicion.

Of course, whenever something bad happened around the palace, it seemed to always be Loki who was accused first. He rolled his eyes and rose to his feet. Now that everyone had followed Odin's gaze, they were quite shamelessly staring at him and it became obvious that he was not welcome anymore. Yet, he at least wanted to know what he would be imprisoned for next.

Thus he halted when he overheard, by pure accident of course, what exactly the guard was explaining to Odin and Thor.

"...found her trespassing in the royal forest…" The guard's voice was almost too quiet to hear. "...took forever to chase her down… ...heavily wounded… ...dangerous..."

A cold shiver ran down Loki's spine, which he tried to ignore as much as possible, for he was most certain to already know who exactly they were speaking of. Who this 'she' was.

As unsuspiciously as possible, he came to stand in the shadow behind a grand pillar, listening in on the quiet conversation and hoping to hear no more bad news at least.

"...she was barely conscious when we found her. But she kept calling his name…" The guard looked around the room nervously, obviously not finding what or whoever he was looking for.

"Whose name?" Thor asked just as quietly, yet with the not unusual hint of irritation lacing his voice.

"Loki." The guard responded dimly, not daring to look at the allfather, probably in fear of his wrath.

"Where is she now?" Odin asked coldly. "And I hope for your life that your men are already looking for my 'son'…"

"We, uhm, we have locked her in the prisons…" He stuttered. "A-and no, I sincerely apologize, we have not began seeking for Loki."

"But you said she was wounded, why hasn't she been brought to the healers?" Thor asked with a deep frown that Loki could easily hear reflected in his voice.

"Why should we spend resources to heal her… She would have to face trial, and eventually death, for trespassing anyway. Maybe she will spare us the effort." Odin answered to Thor. "And as for you…" He faced the guard now. "When you came into this hall, Loki was right over there. Why exactly did you NOT secure him immediately?" His voice was calm. So calm in fact that Loki could tell even from afar that Odin must be fuming. The rage that was so badly hidden within his voice almost made Loki laugh. But after hearing all of this, he did not feel like laughing at all. He did not feel anything at all.

That fool of a woman had let herself get caught. And hurt. AND locked up. Loki was furious for getting involved in this, and even more for the deeply rooted worry he felt for her well-being. And he was already on his way down into the very same prisons he had hoped to never see from the inside again, indeed hoping that he was not too late now.

______________________________

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[maleyanderecafe]

Yandere Friendships

Hello again! I’m a little late on analysis things since my life has been a bit more hectic, so my analyses are going to be a bit late. Yandere friendships are something that is talked about surprisingly sparingly, even among female yanderes, and they’re rarely represented in any sort of media with yanderes, much less male yanderes. So today, I’ll be talking about yandere and the friends who stand by them, whether willingly or not. @thatyanderecritic also talks about it a bit in their Yandere Relationship Analysis, which is a good read.

It’s no surprise that yanderes tend to not have that many friends if any at all. It’s incredibly rare for a yandere to have friends, as either they’ve become so anti-social that they only care solely about the s/o and interact with nobody else, or they interact with people on a daily basis and has “friends”, but don’t really care about them or believe that they’re lower than trash compared to them and their s/o.  In the rare cases that the yandere does have friends, it’s often only one person that ends up either being ignored for the most part or they are being used by the yandere for some means or another. In a lot of cases, this does make sense. One of a yandere’s biggest appeal is their undying love to their s/o and the fact that, for many yanderes, the s/o is the only person that they trust or even care about remotely.  Logically, it would make sense that a lot of yandere stories would focus mostly or solely on the yandere and the s/o and would simply cut out other characters that are not relevant or wouldn’t be relevant. However, I feel like yandere friendships are relationships that are yet to be unexplored, which is unfortunate just simply because of the potential that they have in terms of storytelling. 

Yandere friendships bring in the idea that the yandere has character outside of the standard troupe. One of the things that yanderes often have a difficult time doing is having a life outside of being a yandere. Basically what this means is that the yandere really doesn’t have a character outside of the basic yandere tropes, of things like stalking, being possessive, obsessive behavior, and similar actions. I find that this is pretty common with a lot of yanderes, which while understandable given the character’s one-track mind of the s/o, often can make the yanderes seem the same and almost indistinguishable in terms of personalities. A more well-rounded yandere, with various other hobbies and friends, would make them a lot more memorable as a character and far more interesting. Even just having a yandere interact with another character in a genuinely friendly manner would immediately make them a lot more interesting in terms of the yandere’s personality, as it shows that even outside of their s/o, they can still have good relations with those around them. It also would show that a yandere is actually able to maintain relationships with others, making them look more “healthy�� as a character, even if it is just a front and they really are much more obsessive than they let off to be. Generally, a yandere that does have friends more often shows up in more slice-of-life styles of stories, meaning that the characters are likely to be more harmless yanderes, which is fine, however, it can also be utilized in other situations as well, like for instance a survival genre, where making friends with others becomes a natural way of staying alive, or in an adventure story, where making friends helps to move towards the goal of the stories. No matter the genre, letting the yandere have friends with others will give them a lot more character.

One thing that I would be interested in seeing is a very close friend to a character who eventually becomes a yandere. By this, I mean a friend that the yandere would hesitate to kill or cares about enough that they might listen to them. This idea might seem a bit counterintuitive to a yandere’s character since in most cases, the friendships that they have are not genuine at all, however, in this case, the friendship between these two characters are so close that they have each other’s back, even if one of them ends up killing or hurting someone very severely. As a more side character, the yandere would trust the friend in decisions when it came to the s/o, similarly to a wingman, like for instance, what kind of date they should go on, or what kind of gift to get them. In the same sense, the yandere might attempt to wingman for the s/o as well, if they needed to, trying to help the person that helped them. This would make the yandere a much more rounded and kinder character, even if he might have some more... shady ways of getting his friend a date. It’s still completely possible for this character to help his friend if it’s in his character, especially since his friend did help him with the most important thing in his life, his s/o. If the yandere is a reluctant yandere, where they have intense feelings of obsession or possession, but has enough self-control to realize what he’s doing. If the friend is a person who cares about the yandere, they might attempt to figure out how to prevent the character from turning too obsessive or getting to close to the s/o in general. Perhaps the friend might try to help the yandere be more sensible or even get help from the s/o to stop the yandere from rampaging, or from finding a way to turn him back to where he was. It would be a very dramatic scene if the yandere ends up trying to kill his friend because of how close they would be to getting to their s/o. It could be a very interesting tragedy that would occur. 

On the other hand, if the friend is not really much of a friend, they could cause the character to become a yandere. For instance, if the so-called “friend” wanted revenge for instance, for taking away the person they had a crush on, they might attempt to manipulate the yandere into believing that the s/o is the only real thing they can have in their lives. For instance, if the yandere is a reluctant yandere, the friend might, instead of making it easier to revert back to normal, the friend might try to make it much harder. It would be a really dramatic and perhaps tragic story as we would follow the friend and see how they ended up making a yandere out of his own friend. It would probably be a kind of story that is very meticulously planned, like how Death Note or Tomodachi Game is created. Of course, it could also be something where the character unintentionally makes the wrong decisions, which ends up making the yandere go insane, like for instance in something like An Uncomfortable Truth, where the story becomes tragic because of the eventual build-up for the yandere character that ends up causing problems. It could also be something the friend has to do because of another scenario like, for instance, a destiny that has to be changed and the person that must be sacrificed in terms of mentality must be the yandere. The friend can be a very huge influencer for the yandere’s development into the obsessive or the possessive type, perhaps ruining his entire life: his relationships, his reputation, and his sanity. 

It doesn’t have to be the yandere’s friend either, it could be the s/o’s friend. If the yandere wants to be friends with the s/o’s friend, either so that he could be closer to the s/o, or have them help the two get together, or even because the s/o tells the yandere that they have to be friends. For the first scenario, the yandere might have to humble themselves towards the friend, either very begrudgingly or behind the mask that they hide from. Obviously, the yandere will constantly be looking for chances to be with the s/o as much as possible, but their own shortcomings (like being nervous) or some exterior force (like people constantly coming up to the yandere and blocking their way), might be things that make it harder for the yandere to actually get to the goal. I could see this as a very comedic series, where the yandere tries and fails to be with the s/o and be dragged around by the s/o’s friend, or some sort of shoujo Esque type of story, where the yandere has such a hard time talking to the s/o that the s/o’s friend and them become very close. In the other scenario, the s/o would have already been close to or dating the yandere, and wants him to get along with their friends. The yandere will then attempt to befriend the other friends, though probably in a very annoyed fashion, while still trailing behind the s/o like a little puppy. This would likely be more focused on the yandere’s character development, as the yandere would try to befriend the s/o’s friend, allowing him to become a lot more stable and sociable. 

The final thought is a yandere who joins a group of people and eventually befriends them. In this case, the yandere joins the group either because it would help them with the s/o (like for instance, joining a group that is traveling the land, which would help the yandere find the missing s/o) or because the yandere was forced to (like a yandere who gets captured and dragged around by a group of kids). In either scenario, the idea is that the yandere will eventually get close to the group, becoming close friends, or at least acquaintances. There’s also the possibility that the yandere would end up betraying the group, even if he had really close relations to people within the group. Depending on the yandere’s personality, they might have different roles within the group, like perhaps they are very chaotic and don’t really care about other people, even within their group. Or they might be a lot more charismatic, where they are very good at talking to people and using them to their advantage. Really, there are a lot of possibilities in terms of yanderes and how they could be written. 

Yanderes have a lot of possibilities in making friendships, and it’s unfortunate that these aspects are not explored. Hopefully, in future stories, yanderes are able to have more complex stories with friends involved.