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artificialqueens · 3 years ago

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Where We Found It (Naochi) - Candy Cane

A/N: look ik this isnt usual thing but i rewatched s8 and now i have brain rot. enjoy some really self-indulgent naochi :) thank you veronica for the beta!!! it means the WORLD to me and i love it <333 and thank you sooo much @bogozbinted for being such a great cheerleader and some beta'ing, ilyyy!!! i hope you all enjoy this 5.7k monstrosity.

Summary: Naomi has finished her first year of college, and now she's about to move away for the summer. However, she's still haunted by everything left unsaid between her and her best friend, Kim Chi.

After months of dealing with the cold, rain, snow, and grumpy professors, finally it was summer. Naomi’s last final was just the day before, and now she’s packing up her dorm room and facing the reality that she has to leave. Her first year of college is over. Now what is she supposed to do? Pretend that she’s ok with leaving, even if it’s only for a few months? Pretend that she hasn’t made the most incredible friends ever? Pretend that she isn’t fundamentally changed as a human being?

She knows what she’s supposed to do, going to do even, but she isn’t sure that’s what she wants to do. Her parents are going to show up in two days and take all her stuff back to their house while she works a shitty retail job for the summer, has to share a room with two other people, and daydreams about her new friends. Well, one new friend in particular, but she really tries to not look too much into that.

Naomi is going to miss everyone every single day, and she’s going to be annoying as she possibly can in their group chats just to make sure they don’t forget about her. She’s going to call them at 1 am and complain about how bored she is back in her hometown just so she can listen to Bob’s boisterous laughter and Kim’s adorable teasing. God is she going to miss them.

Never in a million years would she have expected herself to find best friends in people like them, and yet here she is. Leaving her hometown had been hard, but those two in particular had made it so much easier. Everything about her new friendships have been easy. No stress or fuss, like she was always meant to find this group of people that makes her feel so free.

Naomi roughly wipes at her eyes as tears start falling, and forcefully reminds herself to keep packing and stop reminiscing. It’s not like she’ll be gone forever, and it’s not like summer is more than three months long. Still, a very sensitive part of her is hurt by her imminent move out.

She shoves yet another binder into the cardboard box labeled ‘school supplies.’ This sucks, plain and simple.

Then, like a mystic god answering all her prayers, her phone rings. One glance at her phone screen confirms it’s her favorite person on this whole damn campus and it’s like she can’t answer the call fast enough.

“Kim?” Naomi says into the phone, hoping that her best friend has learned telepathy and is calling to make her feel less shitty.

“Hey, are you in your room?” Kim quickly asks.

“Yeah, I am. What’s up baby, is everything okay?” Naomi responds, suddenly feeling a little worried for her friend who rarely sounds this urgent.

“Great! Let’s go get dinner together tonight,” Kim says, calming all of Naomi's worries instantly.

Naomi chuckles into her phone, “We get dinner together every night.”

“Well, I know that. I mean we should go out tonight! I don’t want to eat at the dining hall when we can go somewhere actually good,” Kim explains with a huff.

“Mhmm, so… Thai it is then?” Naomi grins, already thinking of the exact outfit she wants to wear to go to their favorite restaurant near campus.

Kim laughs, sounding like an angel as she does, “You read my mind. See you in three hours?”

Naomi glances at the clock, and is surprised that it’s already 4. It feels like she’s barely done anything today, “That’s good. Can’t wait, baby.”

They hang up and Naomi is left feeling guilty about taking time away from packing. She has so much stuff left to get through, and it barely took her roommate two days to pack up and move out, the lucky bitch. Still… she’s excited to get one last night out on the town with her best friend of this whole year. She doesn’t know where she’d be without Kim and she doesn’t even want to consider the possibilities.

All that matters right now is putting on a cute ass outfit and going out to dinner with her bestie. That’s it. Fuck the sadness and anxiety pulsing through her veins, she’s going to have a good time if it kills her. Naomi knows this is one of her last opportunities to have a night out like this with Kim, so she won’t waste it.

She takes her time getting ready, making sure every detail of her clothes, makeup, hair, and jewelry are perfect to match what Kim will surely show up in. It’s a game between them, one Naomi knows she’s going to miss, especially considering that was one of the very first things she and Kim ever bonded over. Now they’ll just have to settle for pictures over Instagram DMs or Snapchats.

Naomi tries to ignore the ache in her chest everytime she thinks about moving out. Moving out of the dorms and back to her hometown means moving away from Kim, her best friend and partner in sass. Naomi doesn’t know what she’s going to do without her.

~*~

The two are seated in the crowded, fancy restaurant by 6:30 and Naomi is seconds away from an emotional breakdown. Surprisingly enough, Kim seems to as well. Kim isn’t exactly known for being the most emotionally vulnerable person on earth. There are several times over the course of the last two semesters that Naomi can think of where Kim chose to laugh off a problem instead of actually deal with it.

There’s an awkward silence between them that Naomi is hesitant to break, so she’s grateful when Kim is the one to do it.

Kim smirks as she picks up her knife and puts it in front of Naomi as if it’s a microphone, “Naomi Smalls, how was your first year at college?”

Naomi laughs at Kim’s antics, always entertained by her best friend.

“It’s not over yet,” Naomi reminds her, gently pushing the knife away. With only two days left she’s realizing just how pathetic that sounds, “But...it was good. It was really good. Made new friends, changed my major three different times, shrunk, like, three sweaters…Normal college stuff I’m glad I did.”

Kim smiles so warmly at her response that Naomi feels like the only woman on the planet who matters. Naomi loves her best friend, she really does. Platonically, of course, since anything else would be too complicated and ruin everything. This is just platonic friendship love…right?

“How about you?” Naomi asks, trying to get the attention off herself, “What’s been your least favorite part of your sophomore year?”

“You,” Kim says, playful as ever.

Naomi fakes a pout, knowing that was practically an admission of true love from Kim, “Okay well what was your, like, favorite part then?”

Kim glances down at her hands nervously, just for a split second, and if Naomi didn’t know better she’d say her best friend is blushing.

“You.”

“Awww!” Naomi preens, “You do love me!”

“Like I love the spider who lives in the corner of my bedroom.”

Naomi throws her head back with laughter, “Of course, because no matter how hard you try to get rid of me? I’ll always be here.”

Kim smirks mischievously, “And here I thought I was the barnacle of this relationship.”

“With how much time we spend, like, laying in bed on Instagram, I think we’re both barnacles,” Naomi snorts, leaning across the table as she does just to be a little closer to Kim.

“...Barnacle besties?”

“We should make t-shirts.”

“And sell them to every pair of lazy best friends on the planet,” Kim adds, holding back laughter.

Naomi loves this so much, and she never wants it to stop even for a minute, but it will. This is going to stop. The silly back and forths between them, the lighthearted bickering, constantly poking fun at each other from a place of love…It will all be over. Naomi feels sick at the thought. Nothing ever stays the same, she knows that, she just wishes this could.

Some of these feelings must show on her face, because Kim then looks a little worried and asks, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Just as Naomi is about to answer, the waiter comes by and takes their orders, not looking too surprised by the massive list of food that the two order. Naomi knows they’re going to wind up putting most of it in to-go boxes, but that’s half the fun for the two of them. The waiter is quick to leave, and Naomi finds herself anxious when he does, there’s no way Kim is going to let her question go unanswered and Naomi really, really doesn’t want to.

“You better tell me right now or I’m not sharing the chicken satay with you,” Kim threatens as soon as the waiter has left.

Naomi leans back in her chair and wraps her arms around herself, suddenly uncomfortable, “It’s nothing.”

Kim raises a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

“I guess I’m just…sad,” Naomi sighs.

“Sad?”

“Well, yeah babes, the semester is over and I’m moving back into my parents’ house in two days,” Naomi says, trying to play it off like the most obvious thing in the world.

Kim frowns, “Oh, yeah. I almost forgot about that.”

“Wish I could do that, it’s all I’ve been able to think about,” Naomi murmurs.

“I thought you would be excited to move back in with your mom? I know you’ve missed her a lot, you talk about her everyday and call her all the time,” Kim points out, eyes shining with concern and it makes Naomi feel really bad.

“Of course I am!” Naomi says a bit too quickly, trying to hide her guilt, “But now I’m really going to miss you, too…And, like, Bob, and Thorgy, and everyone.”

“I’m not going to miss you, so don’t worry about that,” Kim says with her classic deadpan followed by a cheeky smile.

Usually these jokes are the kinds that Naomi can laugh along with and appreciate, it’s just poking fun anyways, but right now it actually hurts, and Naomi finds herself surprised by that. She wishes that Kim wouldn’t try so hard to deflect from her emotions with humor all the time.

“Oh,” Naomi whispers, trying not to seem too affected by the comment. It’s Kim’s typical kind of joke, so why doesn’t it feel like one?

Kim narrows her eyes skeptically, “Okay something’s not right here.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re never like this. We’ve spent hours every day together for months now and you only get like this when something is wrong,” Kim explains, clearly starting to get upset by Naomi’s dishonesty.

Naomi grimaces, “I’m fine, I promise.”

It’s obvious that Kim doesn’t want to accept that, but before she can try again the waiter returns with their food. He spends what feels like an entire five minutes just offloading plates of food onto their table, and Naomi is so glad to have such an obvious topic change show up. She was really starting to get uncomfortable with Kim’s pestering and all of her mixed feelings, so the timing on the waiter’s end is simply perfect.

The rest of their meal is spent talking about the food and how many fond memories they have of the restaurant from over the last several months, and the nostalgia makes Naomi sad all over again. She wishes that it wasn’t just the two of them right now (Bob would make things less awkward for sure) but she’s also very grateful to get one last night of just Kim. Maybe her best friend will still want to cuddle in bed after dinner and watch shitty reality TV.

Just as Naomi had originally predicted, they wind up with four boxes full to the brim of leftovers by the time their dinner is over. Things almost feel normal between them, like things haven’t changed at all since they first became friends back in September. Now it’s May and nothing is the same, in so many ways it’s better—and in so many ways, it’s worse.

When they exit the restaurant after finally paying the hefty bill, it’s absolutely pouring and Naomi’s stomach fills with dread. She unconsciously grips the plastic bag with their leftovers tighter, the street lamps lining the parking lot don’t help as much as she wishes they did.

“Oh no,” Kim groans.

“This is what hell looks like,” Naomi adds, mourning her soon to be ruined hair and makeup.

Kim looks at Naomi with a mischievous grin, “Race you to the car?”

Naomi’s heart flutters, “Obviously.”

Dressed to the nines in massive heels, perfect hair, and beautiful dresses, the two best friends practically sprint from the restaurant’s door out to the parking lot. Naomi laughs like a maniac as she does, trying to avoid the deep puddles, though the darkness makes it really hard. She can hear Kim laughing too, and Naomi feels free.

…That is until she hears Kim shriek and fall on the pavement. She freezes and immediately turns to look for her. Kim is practically face first on the hard asphalt, and Naomi is so happy she’s the one carrying their leftovers.

“Oh my god!” Naomi shouts over the pouring rain, trying and failing to hold back laughter at Kim’s very unamused expression.

“Ugh, I think I’m bleeding,” Kim says, sitting on her knees to inspect her palms, “It’s so dark out here I can’t tell.”

“Well don’t just sit there,” Naomi frowns, bending down beside Kim and resting a comforting hand on her shoulder, “Let's get to your car so we can go home.”

“Yeah,” Kim agrees softly, her eyes still glued to her hands.

“C’mon, baby,” Naomi says, grabbing Kim’s upper arm and attempting to help her up.

Kim stands up on wobbly knees, and both girls immediately notice that her knees have been badly scraped with blood running down her shins. Kim is clearly in pain and guilt hits Naomi like a truck.

“Kimberly!” Naomi shouts, completely shocked, “Why didn’t you say anything?!”

Kim rolls her eyes, “I didn’t know!”

“We have to hurry and get you cleaned up,” Naomi insists, taking Kim’s hand and guiding her in the direction of the car, “I can drive.”

“No, I can drive, really,” Kim says, shaking her head.

“But-”

“It’s not that bad, I promise.”

Naomi relents, only because she doesn’t want to risk angering her best friend. It is Kim’s car after all, and Kim practically worships the thing. Naomi settles for being near her and helping in other ways, like carrying the food and opening the door for her. Her concern for Kim grows by the second, not only is her best friend bleeding and soaked with rain, but her hair is all over the place and her makeup is running down her face and into her eyes.

Naomi makes sure they waste not time getting into Kim’s car, and as soon as they’re buckled up and pulling out of the parking lot, Naomi notices how badly Kim is shaking. Against her better judgment, Naomi reaches over and rests her hand on her best friend’s thigh. Kim inhales sharply, but relaxes after a moment.

Naomi’s heart is beating like a stampede of wild animals and it’s a miracle that Kim hasn’t said anything about it. Still, she refuses to move her hand since Kim is freezing from the rain. She knows that she won’t be satisfied until they’re both cleaned up and cuddled up in bed, preferably with an anime playing.

“Are you okay…?” Kim asks, obviously concerned when she realizes Naomi intends for them to get all the way back to campus like this.

“Just worried about you,” Naomi says, and it’s a truth she feels so attached to. Who's supposed to be there for Kim for the next three months when this undoubtedly happens again? How can she possibly leave her best friend here alone?

Kim presses her lips together like she’s trying to hold back a smile, “Well…thanks. I’ll be okay though.”

“I know that,” Naomi says, “But that doesn’t make me stop, like, worrying. I want to help you and support you.”

Kim is quiet for a long moment, “I want to do the same for you. I’m…I’m really going to miss you.”

Those words are everything that Naomi has needed to hear for so long.

Her heart explodes in her chest and her fingers grip the soft skin of Kim’s thigh as she processes her friend’s words. She’s wanted that admission so, so badly for so long she’s not sure what to do with herself now that she has it. It hits her that this is probably hard for Kim, too. They’re losing each other for genuine months and Naomi feels like she’s being sentenced to death, knowing that Kim may feel even a fraction of what she does is validating.

“Really?” Naomi breathes out, starting to get misty eyed.

“Of course,” Kim says with a deep conviction in her voice that makes Naomi feel like the most important girl in the world, “I don’t know what I’m going to do with a whole summer without you.”

“Me neither,” Naomi says, smiling widely, “Will you come visit me?”

“We can FaceTime, there’s no way I’m spending the gas money to visit your gay ass,” Kim jokes as she turns the corner into the parking garage.

Naomi giggles, “Aww, you’re totally going to visit me.”

“Yeah, I am,” Kim admits, pulling into the first available spot she sees.

Both girls try to pretend it's not incredibly awkward when Naomi takes her hand off of Kim’s thigh, despite the fact they’re both blushing and refusing to look the other in the eyes. Naomi gets out of the car first and circles around to the driver’s side so she can help Kim out, worried about her still-bleeding hands and knees. Kim climbs out of her car, then stands perfectly still so Naomi can see how bad her injuries are now. She knows that it’s a blessing to be in the parking deck, safe from the rain and in a well lit place even for a moment. The eventual trek back to the dorms is going to suck, but at least they’ll make it together.

“You’re still bleeding pretty bad,” Naomi says, biting her lip nervously.

Kim huffs, “I’ll live. And anyways, it’s not the first time I’ve tripped and it won’t be the last.”

“Kimberly…” Naomi groans, pinching the bridge of her nose exasperatedly.

“Oh please,” Kim retorts, “Can we just get back to the dorms now? I’m starting to get cold…”

“Cold in May, I can’t believe it,” Naomi murmurs, “Alright, yeah let’s go.”

She instinctively takes Kim’s hand and they walk carefully but quickly back to Kim’s dorm room. Thankfully they don’t run into any of their classmates or peers, everyone clearly staying inside due to the rain, making Naomi wish they had bothered to check the weather for the night before going out dressed like that and without umbrellas.

The walk back to the dorms would’ve been peaceful if Naomi hadn’t been so urgent to get Kim back inside. Their college’s campus is fairly hilly, it’s a lot of uphill climbs and concrete stairs to get from point A to point B, which makes Naomi nervous about them having to deal with yet another mishap, especially since they’re both still wearing heels and the mud and puddles are getting worse by the minute.

As they start to approach the building, Kim’s grip on Naomi’s hand loosens, causing Naomi’s heart to practically drop into her stomach.

“We’re almost there,” Naomi says, trying to comfort her friend.

Kim just nods. There’s a distant look in her eyes, clearly lost in thought. Naomi wants to say something, but against her better judgment she doesn’t. Just as they’re about to enter the building, with Naomi already pulling out her key card, Kim stops in her tracks. Naomi turns to look at her, frowning and a little scared for her best friend.

“Kim…? You okay?” Naomi asks, turning around to look at her.

Kim looks angelic, standing there with rain pouring down her face and the soft glow of the street lamps lighting every feature perfectly. Her breath is caught in her throat watching her, even with bloody knees and ruined makeup, Kim is the most gorgeous woman on the planet.

“No,” Kim says, her voice certain and solid.

Naomi bites her bottom lip anxiously, “You’ll feel better once we’re inside-”

“Naomi. That’s…That’s not the problem,” Kim says, rubbing her shoulder and staring down at her now slightly muddied shoes.

“Then what is?”

“I don’t know!” Kim finally shouts, like the dam of emotion has finally broke, “You’ve been acting strange all night and this is hard enough as it is and I don’t want our last night together to suck!”

“Kim-”

“You’re one of my only friends, Naomi! I’m weird and quiet and I look strange and sound strange so not many people wanna put up with me, but you-” Kim stops suddenly, scrunching up her face like she’s trying not to cry, “You don’t judge me like that. You never have. Even that first day at the library. And I’m losing you and I just want us to have one good night, one last night…”

“Kim…” Naomi says softly, walking up to her best friend and taking both of her hands in her own, “You aren’t losing me, not completely. We’re gonna get through this, I promise.”

Kim’s head drops, “Naomi, I- I have something I need to tell you. I can’t keep pretending, not anymore.”

Naomi gulps, terrified of what Kim might be about to say though simultaneously enraptured by her, “You- you do?”

“Naomi I…I like you, a lot,” Kim murmurs, definitely crying now. Her shoulders are shaking, and not just from the cold.

“Well, we are friends, I had kinda hoped you did,” Naomi jokes, hoping to lighten the situation at least a little.

“Not…not like that.”

Oh.

Naomi’s heart is pounding rapidly, and she finds herself cupping her hands around Kim’s face, “R-Really?”

Kim breaks into a fresh bout of crying, “I’m so sorry, I just couldn’t hide it from you anymore, not with you leaving-”

Naomi kisses her. It’s all she could ever consider doing and it’s all that could ever feel right. Her lips are as soft and sweet as she had imagined after so many hours spent doing makeup together, and Kim melts into her arms like cotton candy. The rain is still pouring down on them, but Naomi feels like it’s the most beautiful, sunny day that has ever existed.

When they break apart, lips barely an inch from each other and still sharing breath, Naomi laughs, free and real, and soon Kim is laughing along with her. And everything feels like it’s going to be okay.

“Okay, now we can go inside,” Kim giggles softly.

Naomi can’t wait to get some privacy and out of the rain.

They take the elevator up to the very top floor where Kim’s dorm room is, holding hands the whole time. The two stumble out of the elevator, grinning like idiots as they walk down the hall to Kim’s room.

Kim fumbles with her keys for just a second as she tries to get her door unlocked, but as soon as it is, Naomi is pushing her into the room, grabbing her friend’s face as sweetly as she can while she kisses Kim all over again. Kim whimpers a little and Naomi pushes Kim against the nearest wall, just barely remembering to kick the door shut.

Their lips move together so perfectly. Naomi has hungered for this so long, she’s not sure she’ll ever be able to let Kim out of her sight. Kim wraps her arms around Naomi’s back and Naomi shivers with delight. Both are still rain-soaked, looking like complete messes, yet it doesn’t matter. All that matters is Kim in her arms, their lips pressed together, tangled up in each other.

“You’re so beautiful, baby,” Naomi whispers against Kim’s lips, lightly scraping her teeth against Kim’s lips.

“If I’m beautiful you’re stunning,” Kim shivers.

Naomi’s heart skips a beat, “Everyone at this stupid collge is gonna be so jealous of us. Two gorgeous women like us together? For no one else to touch? God…”

Kim kisses Naomi again, deep and urgent. Naomi doesn’t think she could ever get enough of this perfect woman. Naomi grabs Kim’s hand then starts to press soft kisses to it, leaving the faintest marks of lipstick as she does. She turns Kim’s hand over to kiss her palm too when she’s abruptly reminded of why they were so eager to get back to the dorms in the first place. Kim’s palms are still scraped and slightly bleeding, and Naomi hates it.

“Baby, you’re still bleeding,” Naomi points out, “Let me clean you up.”

“I guess as long as you're the one doing it…” Kim says, smirking as she pulls away from Naomi just a little.

Naomi laughs, taking Kim’s hand and dragging her over to her bed. She gently pushes Kim down onto it, wraps her arms around Kim’s shoulders, then leans forward to whisper into her ear, “It’s okay, baby, I’ve got you.”

“I wouldn’t want anyone else,” Kim murmurs, turning her head slightly to press an open mouthed kiss to Naomi’s jaw.

Naomi shivers pleasantly at the motion, a solid reminder how entwined they are in each other now. Reluctantly, she pulls back from her friend (girlfriend? lover?) to go find a first aid kit or at least some soap and water. It’s easy to locate what she’s looking for, Kim is precise with everything she does and that includes organization. It’s sitting on the top shelf of the closet, which she can reach easily thanks to her fantastic genetics.

She’s quick in opening it to see if there’s anything useful, and finds there’s gauze, alcohol pads, bandaids, wound ointment…practically everything she needs. Smiling victoriously, Naomi goes to set the kit on the bed beside Kim, as she’s getting ready to go get a soapy, wet washcloth too, Kim reaches out and takes Naomi’s hand in her own.

“I- Thanks,” Kim says when Naomi gives an inquisitive look.

“Don’t mention it,” Naomi smiles, squeezing Kim’s hand once before going to get that washcloth.

Thinking twice about how soaked they are from the rain, Naomi grabs a couple of bath towels too. She starts scrunching the water out of her hair as she walks back over to Kim, upset with all the time wasted straightening it the day before.

When she returns, Kim is inspecting her hands with a deep pout, even picking at where the skin has been lifted.

“Does it hurt too bad?” Naomi asks sympathetically, handing Kim a towel.

Kim tilts her head thoughtfully as she accepts it, “No more than it usually does when I fall.”

“You are such a clutz,” Naomi giggles softly, kneeling down on the floor in front of Kim, “An adorable, beautiful clutz from heaven.”

Kim blushes furiously, “Does that make you the demon who took me to the dark side?”

“Yes,” Naomi says proudly, almost purring, “I’m going to patch you up and then finish your initiation.”

“I wonder what that could be,” Kim says sarcastically as Naomi takes the warm, wet cloth and begins to wipe away the worst of the blood and gravel.

The two are quiet, the only sounds being their heavy breath and light chuckles as Naomi gingerly cleans up Kim’s knees. She’s as tender as she can be, and is meticulous in cleaning up every spot of blood, dried or not. By the time she’s done she can tell that the bleeding has mostly stopped. Naomi still takes out an alcohol pad to thoroughly clean the scrapes.

Naomi reaches into the kit to grab bandaids to finish off her handiwork, then starts giggling uncontrollably at the ‘Hello Kitty’ bandaids, “Kim, oh my God.”

“Why would I get something so boring when those are so cute?” Kim says, attempting to defend herself.

“Awwww, it’s okay Kimberly,” Naomi teases, “I think it’s adorable.”

“You find everything adorable,” Kim grins.

“Everything about you,” Naomi counters.

She then peels the paper off the bandaids and carefully sticks two to each knee, wanting to make sure all of the scrapes are perfectly covered. Naomi looks up at Kim who has a look in her eyes that she hasn’t seen before.

“What?” Naomi prompts.

“You…look so pretty like that,” Kim admits shyly.

Naomi’s mind is racing with all the things she could do and say right now to make Kim even more flustered and pliable, “Mmmm, so you like me down here? Kneeling between your legs?”

Kim bites her lip, “Y-Yeah, I guess…”

“I’ve got to take care of your hands before I can take care of all that, you know,” Naomi says, taking pleasure in testing Kim’s patience.

“You don’t have to,” her best friend insists.

“Mmm, but I will. I want you to be begging for me, doll,” Naomi whispers hotly, slowly standing up and leaning forward, causing Kim to fall back against the bed a little, “I’ll be taking care of you in more ways than one.”

“Hurry up then,” Kim whines impatiently, “I’ve waited so long already…”

“I know, baby, just a little longer,” Naomi says quietly.

She purposefully puts her left knee up on the bed, right between Kim’s slightly parted thighs. Kim inhales deeply, shakily even, at the movement. Naomi takes Kim’s left hand first and starts the process all over again, and even though her hands have stopped bleeding at this point, Naomi still puts a Hello Kitty bandaid over the worst of the scratches.

Kim starts wiggling, her patience clearly almost running out, so Naomi speeds up the process with Kim’s right hand. Somehow the scratches aren’t anywhere near bad enough to justify another band aid.

Naomi drops Kim’s hand, but immediately bends forward so that her nose is almost right against Kim’s, “There, now I’m done.”

“Finally,” Kim breathes out.

“So impatient…” Naomi chides her.

“You’re the one acting all…all…”

“All what, Kimmy?”

“Sexy,” Kim says, voice full of frustration.

Naomi chuckles, then captures Kim in yet another hot and heavy kiss, “It’s hard not to when you’re sitting here like this.”

Kim moans when Naomi reaches a hand up to her chest and lightly gropes her breast, “Naomi…”

“That good?” Naomi asks nervously, wanting to be as gentle as possible with her inexperienced friend.

“Yes,” Kim hisses, unconsciously leaning into Naomi’s touch.

Naomi reaches around Kim’s back and unzips her wet, classic lilac dress, then roughly pulls it up and over Kim’s head, revealing Kim in nothing but her bra and panties. She tosses the dress aside then pushes Kim flat against the bed, kissing her deep and hard rough, desperate to make Kim know how loved and how attractive she is.

Kim whimpers breathlessly when Naomi reaches into her bra and starts pinching and rolling her nipples as gently as she can manage. Naomi’s other hand starts trailing down Kim’s torso, soft and sensual, until she reaches the waistband of Kim’s white panties, which are now basically translucent from the rain. Gently, Naomi pulls them down just enough to reveal Kim’s soaking pussy.

“Oh, Kim,” Naomi moans into her friend’s mouth when she realizes just how madly Kim wants this, “So good, baby…”

With one hand massaging Kim’s full, round breasts, she uses the other to slowly rub up and down Kim’s wet lips, enjoying every squirm, whimper, and moan immensely. She loves pleasuring this woman almost as much as she loves her.

“N-Naomi-” Kim chokes out.

Naomi gently rubs her thumb over Kim’s clit while she uses a finger to tease her quivering hole. She pulls away from Kim’s mouth to instead kiss and lick her chest and cleavage, freeing up her hand that was previously playing with Kim’s tits to use for other things. Naomi teasingly scratches her nails up and down Kim’s ribcage, and Kim downright shudders from it. She hooks one finger into Kim’s sopping pussy, slowly but purposefully trying to find the one spot she knows will drive her crazy.

“N-Naomi I-”

“What is it, doll? Hm?” Naomi teases her, slowly adding another finger as she does

“I’m- I think-” Kim moans as Naomi speeds up the tiny circles she’s making on her clit.

“Say it, Kim,” Naomi demands, slightly speeding up the fingers she’s filling Kim with.

“Think I’m- gonna come-” Kim sobs, throwing her head back when Naomi leans up to kiss and nip at the juncture of her neck and collarbone.

“Yeah you are,” Naomi moans, “Gonna come all over my fingers like a good girl.”

Kim moans, and Naomi suddenly stops rubbing Kim’s clit and just presses down on it, which seems to be Kim’s undoing. Kim barely muffles her moan with her hand as she comes all over Naomi’s fingers, and Naomi feels so fucking proud of herself for turning her best friend into such a soft, whimpering mess.

Naomi fingers Kim through her orgasm and only stops when Kim weakly asks her to, she pulls her fingers out of Kim and tries to not get distracted by how obscene it is. Naomi finds the washcloth from earlier and uses that to wipe off her fingers. She looks over at Kim, who is laying boneless against her bed.

Naomi snuggles up to her and kisses Kim’s cheek softly, “Was that good?”

“So good…” Kim sighs, pressing into Naomi happily.

“Love you,” Naomi says, hugging Kim and breathing in her intoxicating scent.

“Love you, too,” Kim confides, “But wait- What about you?”

“Shhh,” Naomi interrupts, “We’ll have time for that later.”

Kim looks at Naomi skeptically, “...Later?”

Naomi chuckles, “We are going to take as much advantage of these last couple days as we can.”

Kim blinks, seemingly surprised, “Oh… good.”

“Yeah?”

Kim kisses Naomi again, this one soft and nearly chaste, “I can’t wait.”

Naomi feels satisfaction run through her veins deeply and intensely. This is the woman she loves, and she can’t wait to show that to her over and over and over again… Until it’s the only truth that both of them are certain of. They’re going to be okay, especially now that they have this.

Naomi knows nothing could ever top this.

#rpdr fanfiction #s8 #naomi smalls #kim chi #naochi #angst #friends to lovers #lesbian au #college au #smut #hurt/comfort #where we found it #candy cane #concrit welcome #the best years yet

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sk1fanfiction · 4 years ago

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the many faces of tom riddle, part 4

-attachment, orphanages, and yet more child psych: time to add yet another voice to the void-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION.

I'm going to be super biased, because my favorite portrayal of Tom Riddle is actually Hero Fiennes-Tiffin as eleven-year-old Tom Riddle, in HBP and I get to chat about child psych in this one, sooo here we go.

First of all, I’m just so impressed that a kid could bring that much depth to such a complex character.

This is the portrayal, I feel, that brings us closest to Tom’s character. Yes, Coulson’s brought us pretty close, but by fifth year, the mask was on.

We don't really get to see Tom looking afraid very often, but it's fear that rules his life, so it's really poignant in our first (chronologically) introduction, he looks absolutely terrified.

The void being the fandom's loud opinions on a certain headmaster. I wouldn't call myself pro-Dumbledore, but I'm certainly not anti-Dumbledore, either. (Agnostic-Dumbledore??)

Since I'm not of the anti-Dumbledore persuasion, I decided to poke around in the tags and see what the arguments were, so I don't make comments out of ignorance.

Most of the tag seems to be more directed towards his treatment of Harry and Sirius, but a few people mentioned that Dumbledore should have treated Tom with ‘exceptional kindness’ and tried to ‘rehabilitate’ him.

As I said in Parts 2 and 3, I am 100% in favor of helping a traumatized kid learn to cope, and I don’t think Tom Riddle was solidly on the Path to Evil (TM) at birth, or even at eleven. Not even at fifteen.

Could unconditional love and kindness have helped Tom Riddle enough for the rise of Lord Voldemort to never happen? Possibly, but...

Yes, I'm about to drag up that Carl Jung quote, again.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

The problem with this is that if you’re going to blame Dumbledore for this, you also have to blame every other adult in Tom’s life: his headmaster, Dippet, his Head of House, Slughorn, his ‘caretakers’ at the orphanage, Mrs. Cole and Martha, and possibly more. In fact, if we're going to blame any adult, let's blame Merope for r*ping and abusing Tom Riddle Senior, and having a kid she wasn't intending to take care of.

Furthermore, you cannot possibly hold anyone but Tom accountable for the murders he committed. (I should not have to sit here and explain why cold-blooded murder is wrong.) And if you like Tom Riddle's character, insinuating that his actions are completely at the whim of others is just a bit condescending towards him. He's not an automaton or a marionette, he's a very intelligent human being with a functioning brain, and at sixteen is fully capable of moral reasoning and critical analysis.

I've heard the theories about Dumbledore setting the Potters up to die, and I'm not going to discuss their validity right now; but he didn't put a wand in Tom's hand and force him to kill anyone. Tom did it all of his own accord.

And while yes, I have enormous sympathy for what happened to Tom as a child, at some point, he decided to murder Myrtle Warren, and that is where I lose my sympathy. Experiencing trauma does not give you the right to inflict harm on others. Yes, Tom was failed, but then, he spectacularly failed himself.

We also have no idea how Dumbledore treated Tom as a student.

In the movies, it’s Dumbledore who tells Tom he has to go back to the orphanage, but in the books, it’s Dippet. We know that Slughorn spent a lot of time around Tom at Slug Club and such, yet I don’t really see people clamoring for his head.

I regard the sentiment that Dumbledore turned Tom Riddle into Lord Voldemort with a lot of skepticism.

But let's hear from the character himself -- his impression of eleven-year-old Tom Riddle.

“Did I know that I had just met the most dangerous Dark wizard of all time?” said Dumbledore. “No, I had no idea that he was to grow up to be what he is. However, I was certainly intrigued by him. I returned to Hogwarts intending to keep an eye upon him, something I should have done in any case, given that he was alone and friendless, but which, already, I felt I ought to do for others’ sake as much as his."

Now, assuming that Dumbledore's telling the truth, I'm not seeing something glaringly wrong with this. No, he hasn't pigeonholed Tom as evil, yes, I'd be intrigued, too, and it's a very good idea to keep an eye on Tom, for his own sake.

“At Hogwarts,” Dumbledore went on, “we teach you not only to use magic, but to control it. You have — inadvertently, I am sure — been using your powers in a way that is neither taught nor tolerated at our school."

Again, it seems like he's at least somewhat sympathetic towards Tom, and is willing to at least give him a chance.

More evidence (again, assuming Dumbledore is a reliable narrator):

Harry: “Didn’t you tell them [the other professors], sir, what he’d been like when you met him at the orphanage?” Dumbledore: “No, I did not. Though he had shown no hint of remorse, it was possible that he felt sorry for how he had behaved before and was resolved to turn over a fresh leaf. I chose to give him that chance.”

Now, I think Dumbledore is pretty awful with kids, but I don't think that's malicious. Yeah, it's a flaw, but perfect people don't exist, and perfect characters are dead boring. I am not saying that he definitely handled Tom's case well, I'm just saying that there's little evidence that Dumbledore, however shaken and scandalized, wrote him off as 'evil snake boy.'

It's also worth taking into account that it's 1938, and the attitudes towards mental health back then.

Why is Tom looking at Dumbledore like that, anyway? Why is he so scared? What has he possibly been threatened with or heard whispers of?

"'Professor'?" repeated Riddle. He looked wary. "Is that like 'doctor'? What are you here for? Did she get you in to have a look at me?"

"I don't believe you," said Riddle. "She wants me looked at, doesn't she? Tell the truth!"

"You can't kid me! The asylum, that's where you're from, isn't it? 'Professor,' yes, of course -- well, I'm not going, see? That old cat's the one who should be in the asylum. I never did anything to little Amy Benson or Dennis Bishop, and you can ask them, they'll tell you!

Tom keeps insisting he's not mad until Dumbledore finally manages to calm him down.

I'm really upset this wasn't in the movie, because it's important context. Instead we got these throwaway cutscenes of some knick-knacks relating to the Cave he's got lying around, but I just would have preferred to see him freaking out like he does in the book.

There was extreme stigma and prejudice towards mental illness.

'Lunatic asylums,' as they were called in Tom's time, were terrible places. In the 1930s and 40s, he could look forward to being 'treated' with induced convulsions, via metrazol, insulin, electroshock, and malaria injections. And if he stuck around long enough, he could even look forward to a lobotomy!

So, if you think Dumbledore was judgmental towards Tom, imagine how flat-out prejudiced whatever doctors or 'experts' Mrs. Cole might have gotten in to 'look at him' must have been!

Moving on to the next few shots, he is sitting down and hunched over as if expecting punishment or at least some kind of bad news, Dumbledore is mostly out of the frame. He’s trapped visually, by Dumbledore on one side, and a wall on the other, because he’s still very much afraid. uncomfortable, as he tells Dumbledore a secret that he fears could get him committed to an asylum (which were fucking horrible places, as I said).

It brings to the scene that miserable sense of isolation and loneliness to that has defined Tom’s entire life up to that point (and, partially due to his own bad choices, continues to define it).

And, when Dumbledore accepts it, his posture changes. he becomes more confident and more at ease, as he describes the... utilities of his magical abilities.

"All sorts," breathed Riddle. A flush of excitement was rising up his neck into his hollow cheeks; he looked fevered. "I can make things move without touching them. I can make animals do what I want them to do, without training them. I can make bad things happen to people who annoy me. I can make them hurt if I want to."

Riddle lifted his head. His face was transfigured: There was a wild happiness upon it, yet for some reason it did not make him better looking; on the contrary, his finely carved features seemed somehow rougher, his expression almost bestial.

I do think Harry, our narrator, is being a tad bit judgmental here. Magic is probably the only thing that brings Tom happiness in his grey, lonely world, and when I was Tom's age and being bullied, if I had magic powers, you'd better believe that I'd (a) be bloody ecstatic about it (b) use them. And, like Tom, I can't honestly say that I can't imagine getting a bit carried-away with it. Unfortunately, we can't all be as inherently good and kindhearted as Harry.

Reading HBP again, as a 'mature' person, it almost seems like the reader is being prompted to see Tom as evil just because he's got 'weird' facial expressions.

So... uh...

Nope, let's judge Tom on his actions, not looks of 'wild happiness.'

To his great surprise, however, Dumbledore drew his wand from an inside pocket of his suit jacket, pointed it at the shabby wardrobe in the corner, and gave the wand a casual flick. The wardrobe burst into flames. Riddle jumped to his feet; Harry could hardly blame him for howling in shock and rage; all his worldly possessions must be in there. But even as Riddle rounded on Dumbledore, the flames vanished, leaving the wardrobe completely undamaged.

Okay, one thing I dislike is Tom's lack of emotional affect when Dumbledore burned the wardrobe, in the books, he jumped up and started screaming, instead of looking passively (in shock, perhaps?) at the fire. Incidentally, I can't really tell if he's impressed or in shock, to be honest. I think they really tried to make Tom 'creepier' in the movie.

This is one of the incidents where Dumbledore's inability to deal with children crops up.

I think he was trying to teach Tom that magic can be dangerous, and he wouldn't like it to be used against him, but burning the wardrobe that contains everything he owns was a terrible move on Dumbledore's part. Tom already has very limited trust in other people, and now, he's not going to trust Dumbledore at all -- now, he's put Tom on the defensive/offensive for the rest of their interaction, and perhaps for the rest of their teacher-student relationship.

Riddle stared from the wardrobe to Dumbledore; then, his expression greedy, he pointed at the wand. "Where can I get one of them?"

"Where do you buy spellbooks?" interrupted Riddle, who had taken the heavy money bag without thanking Dumbledore, and was now examining a fat gold Galleon.

But I'm not surprised Tom is 'greedy.' He's grown up in an environment where if he wants something, whether that's affection, food, money, toys, he's got to take it. There's no one looking after his needs specifically. I'm not surprised that he's a thief and a hoarder, and I don't think that counts as a moral failing necessarily, and more of a maladaptive way of seeking comfort. It would be bizarre if he came out of Wool's Orphanage a complete saint.

Additionally, I think given that the Gaunt family has a history of 'mental instability,' Tom is a sensitive child, and the trauma of growing up institutionalized and possibly being treated badly due to his magical abilities or personality disorder deeply affected him.

And there are points where it seems that Dumbledore is quick to judge Tom.

"He was already using magic against other people, to frighten, to punish, to control."

"Yes, indeed; a rare ability, and one supposedly connected with the Dark Arts, although as we know, there are Parselmouths among the great and the good too. In fact, his ability to speak to serpents did not make me nearly as uneasy as his obvious instincts for cruelty, secrecy, and domination."

"I trust that you also noticed that Tom Riddle was already highly self-sufficient, secretive, and, apparently, friendless?..."

And while this is all empirically true, these are (a) a product of Tom's harsh environment, and (b) do not necessarily make him evil. But the point remains that child psych didn't exist as a field of its own, and psychology as a proper science was in its infancy, so I'd be shocked if Dumbledore was insightful about Tom's situation.

But I've gone a ton of paragraphs without citing anything, so I've got to rectify that.

Let's talk about Harry Harlow's monkey experiments in the 1950-70s.

If you're not a fan of animal research, since I know some people are uncomfortable with it, feel free to scroll past.

Here's the TL;DR: Children need to be hugged and shown affection too, not just fed and clothed, please don't leave babies to 'cry out' and ignore their needs because it's backwards and fucking inhumane. HUG AND COMFORT AND CODDLE CHILDREN AND SPOIL THEM WITH AFFECTION!

I will put more red writing when the section is over.

This is still an interesting experiment to have in mind while we explore the whole 'no one taught Tom Riddle how to love' thing and whether or not it's actually a good argument.

Andddd let's go all the way back to the initial 1958 experiment, featured in Harlow's paper, the Nature of Love. (If you're familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, him and Harlow actually collaborated for a time).

To give you an idea of our starting point, until Harlow's experiment, which happened twenty years after Dumbledore meets Tom for the first time, no one in science had really been interested in studying love and affection.

"Psychologists, at least psychologists who write textbooks, not only show no interest in the origin and development of love or affection, but they seem to be unaware of its very existence."

I'm going to link some videos of Harry Harlow showing the actual experiment, which animal rights activists would probably consider 'horrifying.' It's nothing gory or anything, but if you are particularly soft-hearted (and I do not mean that as an insult), be warned. It's mostly just baby monkeys being very upset and Harlow discussing it in a callous manner. Yes, today it would be considered unethical, but it's still incredibly important work and if you think you can handle it, I would recommend watching at least the first one to get an idea of how dramatic this effect is.

Dependency when frightened

The full experiment

The TL;DW:

This experiment was conducted with rhesus macaques; they're still used in psychology/neuroscience research when you want very human-like subjects, because they are very intelligent (unnervingly so, actually). I'd say that adult ones remind me of a three-year old child.

Harlow separated newborn monkeys from their mothers, and cared for their physical needs. They had ample nutrition, bedding, warmth, et cetera. However, the researchers noticed that the monkeys:

(a) were absolutely miserable. And not just that, but although all their physical needs were taken care of, they weren't surviving well past the first few days of life. (This has also been documented in human babies, and it's called failure to thrive and I'll talk about it a bit later).

(b) showed a strong attachment to the gauze pads used to cover the floor, and decided to investigate.

So, they decided to provide a surrogate 'mother.' Two, actually. Mother #1 was basically a heated fuzzy doll that was nice for the monkeys to cuddle with. Mother #2 was the same, but not fuzzy and made of wire. Both provided milk. The result? The monkeys spent all their time cuddling and feeding from the fuzzy 'mother.' Perhaps not surprising.

What Harlow decided next, is that one of the hallmarks being attached to your caregiver is seeking hugs and reassurance from them when frightened. So, when the monkeys were presented with something scary, they'd go straight to the cloth mother and ignore the wire one. Not only that, but when placed in an unfamiliar environment, if the cloth mother was present, the monkeys would be much calmer.

In a follow-up experiment, Harlow decided to see if there was some sort of sensitive period by introducing both 'mothers' to monkeys who had been raised in isolation for 250 days. Guess what?

The initial reaction of the monkeys to the alterations was one of extreme disturbance. All the infants screamed violently and made repeated attempts to escape the cage whenever the door was opened. They kept a maximum distance from the mother surrogates and exhibited a considerable amount of rocking and crouching behavior, indicative of emotionality.

Yikes. So, at first Harlow thought that they'd passed some kind of sensitive period for socialization. But after a day or two they calmed down and started chilling out with the cloth mother like the other monkeys did. But here's a weird thing:

That the control monkeys develop affection or love for the cloth mother when she is introduced into the cage at 250 days of age cannot be questioned. There is every reason to believe, however, that this interval of delay depresses the intensity of the affectional response below that of the infant monkeys that were surrogate-mothered from birth onward

All these things... attachment, affection, love, seeking comfort ... are mostly learned behaviours.

Over.

Orphanages, institutionalized childcare, and why affection is a need, not an extra.

His face is lit the exact same was as Coulson’s was in COS (half-light, half-dark), and I said I was going to talk about this in Part 3. I think perhaps it's intended to make Fiennes-Tiffin look more evil or menacing, but I'm going to quite deliberately misinterpret it.

Now, for some context, Dumbledore has just (kind of) burned his wardrobe, ratted out his stealing habit, and (in the books only, they really took a pair of scissors to this scene) told him he needs to go apologize and return everything and Dumbledore will know if he doesn't, and, well, Tom's not exactly a happy bugger about it.

But interestingly, in the books, this is when we start to see Tom's 'persona,' aka his mask, start to come into play. Whereas before, he was screaming, howling, and generally freaking out, here, he starts to hide his emotions -- in essence, obscure his true self under a shadow. So this scene is really the reverse of Coulson's in COS.

And perhaps I'm reading wayyy too much into this, but I can't help but notice that Coulson's hair is parted opposite to Fiennes-Tiffin's, and the opposite sides of their faces are shadowed, too.

Riddle threw Dumbledore a long, clear, calculating look. "Yes, I suppose so, sir," he said finally, in an expressionless voice.

Riddle did not look remotely abashed; he was still staring coldly and appraisingly at Dumbledore. At last he said in a colorless voice, "Yes, sir."

Here's an article from The Atlantic on Romanian orphanages in the 1980s, when the dictator, Ceausescu, basically forced people to have as many children as possible and funnel them into institutionalized 'childcare', and it's absolutely heartbreaking.

There's not a whole lot of information out there on British orphanages in the 30s' and 40s', but given that people back then thought you just had to keep children on a strict schedule and feed them, it wouldn't have a whole lot better.

The only thing I've found is this, and it's not super promising.

The most important study informing the criteria for contemporary nosologies, was a study by Barbara Tizard and her colleagues of young children being raised in residential nurseries in London (Tizard, 1977). These nurseries had lower child to caregiver ratios than many previous studies of institutionalized children. Also, the children were raised in mixed aged groups and had adequate books and toys available. Nevertheless, caregivers were explicitly discouraged from forming attachments to the children in their care.

Here's a fairly recent paper that I think gives a good summary: Link

Here, they describe the responses to the Strange Situation test (which tests a child's attachment to their caregiver).

We found that 100% of the community sample received a score of “5,” indicating fully formed attachments, whereas only 3% of the infants living in institutions demonstrated fully formed attachments. The remaining 97% showed absent, incomplete, or odd and abnormal attachment behaviors.

Bowlby and Ainsworth, who did the initial study, thought that children would always attach to their caregivers, regardless of neglect or abuse. But some infants don't attach (discussed along with RAD in Part 2).

Here's a really good review paper on attachment disorders in currently or formerly institutionalized children : Link

Core features of RAD in young children include the absence of focused attachment behaviors directed towards a preferred caregiver, failure to seek and respond to comforting when distressed, reduced social and emotional reciprocity, and disturbances of emotion regulation, including reduced positive affect and unexplained fearfulness or irritability.

Which all sounds a lot like Tom in this scene. The paper also discusses neurological effects, like atypical EEG power distribution (aka brain waves), which can correlate with 'indiscriminate' behavior and poor inhibitory control; which makes sense for a kid who, oh, I don't know, hung another kid's rabbit because they were angry.

Furthermore...

...those children with more prolonged institutional rearing showed reduced amygdala discrimination and more indiscriminate behavior.

This again, makes a ton of sense for Tom's psychological profile, because the amygdala (which is part of the limbic system, which regulates emotions) plays a major role in fear, anger, anxiety, and aggression, especially with respect to learning, motivation and memory.

So, I agree completely that Tom needed a lot of help, especially given the fact that he spent eleven years in an orphanage (longer than the Bucharest study I was referring to), and Dumbledore wasn't exactly understanding of his situation, and probably didn't realise what a dramatic effect the orphanage had on Tom, and given the way he talks to Tom, probably treated him as if he were a kid who grew up in a healthy environment.

In case you are still unconvinced that hugging is that important, there's a famous 1944 study conducted on 40 newborn human infants to see what would happen if their physical needs (fed, bathed, diapers changed) were provided for with no affection. The study had to be stopped because half the babies died after four months. Affection leads to the production of hormones and boosts the immune system, which increases survival, and that is why we hug children and babies should not be in orphanages. They are supposed to be hugged, all the time. I can't find the citation right now, I'll add it later if I find it.

But I think it's vastly unrealistic to say that Dumbledore, who grew up during the Victorian Era, would have any grasp of this and I don't think he was actively malicious towards Tom.

Was Tom Riddle failed by institutional childcare? Absolutely.

Were the adults in his life oblivious to his situation? Probably.

Do the shitty things that happened to Tom excuse the murders he committed, and are they anyone's fault but his own? No. At the end of the day, Tom made all the wrong choices.

And, for what it's worth, I think (film) Dumbledore (although he expresses the same sentiment in more words in the books) wishes he could go back in time and have helped Tom.

"Draco. Years ago, I knew a boy, who made all the wrong choices. Please, let me help you."

#tom riddle #the many faces of #tom marvolo riddle #character analysis #character study #albus dumbledore

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rupertgayesarchive · 3 years ago

Note

That ask and your answer about what if Sam was out of hunting and never left Stanford because Gabriel wanted to stop the apocalypse and threw him into a pocket dimension and I’m like. Obsessed. primarily with gabriel and how Sam would go.

I think he would stick Sam in a like… you remember when Zachariah stuck sam and dean in the office job and it was a parallel universe but also it was real life? like coplanar planes, I think Gabriel would elect to do that instead of his you’re going in my alternate universe, because it’s less detail consuming and I think Sam would notice small things that were off like how he figured out it was him in mystery spot.

You said Sam deserves to have the apple pie life but if he was comfortable with that it wouldn’t like.. work he wouldn’t be ready to ever confront Lucifer or anyone. i agree but also I don’t think he would stick with his normal life. like in the zachariah episode he had a normal life and fake memories of that but he still wanted to hunt and help people and also figure out wtf was happening. I think in this scenario Sam would still be psychic because I love that but Gabriel would probably try like… suppressing his visions and such, because they would lead him back into possible angel business. I think he’d still get little snippets because that’s fun and having reminders in that that the supernatural like.. exists and ppl are getting hurt, I think that would overrule his want of complete normalcy and even his spite toward John.

I don’t think he’d go back into hunting like, completely because I want him to have something good and also be semi well adjusted. but like we saw in the terrible life episode I think he’d like.. if he got bored and started looking up strange deaths well now he has to go help them!!

also it is sooo fun to me if he starts realizing something is wrong but he doesn’t know what. like in mystery spot I love that trope sooo fucking much also in s1 sam gets back into hunting through John Winchester style revenge quest and I want to give him a reason to start poking around that is like.. for himself and not anybody else. he can have a little obsession over it as a treat because i like seeing him be a bitch <3

i think initially when Gabriel found out the apocalypse was like in motion and Sam was at Stanford he’d have an opportunity there to do something without revealing to other players that he is alive because he was pretending to be a trickster. like he’s very much in this for self preservation and if he did some time traveling shenanigans, or disappearing both Winchesters and maybe even Adam out of nowhere, I think he’d worry that the angels would take notice. Randy your vessels!! But Stanford gives him a natural window to hide a key player. he needs to do away with Adam too so Lucifer can’t possibly have a true vessel to fight.. maybe he can kill him in a freak accident because I find that funny. sorry this is long and it will be getting longer

anyway I think as time went on Gabriel would pay like less meticulous attention. he’d still keep away like key players but as other people also started trying to stop the apocalypse he would become more relaxed also he’d be overconfident in himself like in changing channels. I think this would lead sam to notice more stuff that just doesn’t make any sense and maybe start looking for dean or even his dad, or going out of his way to look for hunts. maybe get involved in magic because i think he deserves to be a witch. wait actually that’s how he should find Dean. i think Gabriel would hide Dean from Sam and vice versa, and he didn’t foresee Sam using magic or anything. Also at this point it’s been years and I think Sam is more invested in this than his like… normal life. he’s more well adjusted but I can definitely see him just impulsively quitting his job to figure out what the fucks happening. Also I think he’d feel animosity at dean during this for not being there and not helping him, even though that anger doesn’t make complete sense. sorry i like the early seasons salmon dean reconciling and learning to like each other and sam realizing Your Parents Are People and I would like to see it with them having like, completely different lives and also some fun miscommunication bc of Gabriel. also sam having to reconcile dean having cas OHRHDHJ also dean and cas trying horribly to cover cas being not human is so fucking fun to me. unless this happens during a cas is dead time period which is fun in a different evil way.

I also think dean would only stop looking if he though Sam was dead, but I think… Gabriel might have hidden him but other people ARE still meeting him even with like altered memories. so I think angels or something can sense that Sam is alive but they don’t know where and I think they’d gloat and use it to taunt dean that he is like.. suffering while his brother is living a perfect normal life. Also because this adds another miscommunication that can be discussed and end in reconciliation in a way I don’t think would feel contrived and is in line with it the characters. it’d be Amelia s8 but Sam would be like (Sam voice) I did look for you!!! where were you when I needed you! also I want Sam to find out John died and he’s in absolute despair while cas is standing there like oh yes that’s so awful your father was an. absolutely a man😔😐🏳️‍��

idk when this would occur and i think every season offers like… different flavors of enjoyment for an audience of just me. like s7 proto widower arc?? Sam reconnecting with Dean during TMWWBK when he is not familiar with the dean and cas dynamic and has to be witness to Trying So Hard To Be Loyal. additionally that would be fun because bobby is there and dean is like, covering his ears and back talking bobby regarding cas. and if they’ve taken pains to hide cas being an angel Sam being like .who is this to Dean. is suchhh a fun concept.

WAIT post goodbye stranger. or maybe Sam can show up pre goodbye stranger to watch dean go from clingy after cas gets back from purgatory to wrongfooted to like ANGRY. well not Angry… to dean having dean emotions. when cas is off with the tablet ignoring him and he feels betrayed. and this Sam isn’t as close to him so he doesn’t know ANY details until Dean stats divulging them as they reconcile. ALL GOOD OPTIONS..

also if this happens during s6 i think it would be nice if cas started collecting allies, and at the same time as Sam trying to figure out what was keeping him away from dean and the angel business Cas could figure it out FIRST and use Gabriel as an ally against Raphael but he’d feel like he has to hide it from dean and sam. like in this scenario. actually any time I talk about s6 hypotheticals Cas’ conflict IS the A Plot. the Winchester’s were on a side quest idc. s6 is a fun time for these reasons but i don’t like it as much because Cas is still in the process of like.. formative development.

okay one last thing I’m SOOO sorry for my essay. you said if Sam was dispossessed the apocalypse would just.. not happen. i agree to like, a certain degree, because I do think they could have found another way but all of them would have been dust compared to swan song. so maybe Gabriel semi succeeded but instead of stopping the apocalypse he just… prolonged it. this changes a lot but if either Michael or Lucifer didn’t have a viable vessel I think the angels would scramble to actually for real stop the apocalypse but others would still want it to happen even if it was like.. Perfect they just want it to be over. this provides angel politics which I am in love with and we can still have like TMWWBK development for cas. I don’t know where I’m going with this sorry

op this is a lot, this is so much. i love it, i hope you have a google doc open somewhere and are typing away furiously.

now i didn't rewatch a lot of spn past s3 (surprise) in part bc i can't handle the brain damage and some scenes are seared into my cerebral cortex in a way that induced a temporary bout of eidetic memory, meaning i'll never forget the crypt scene in Goodbye Stranger for as long as i live. that being SAID, my s6-s7 knowledge is not as firmly coalesced. so because of that i'm letting your thoughts roam free as i don't know how accurate my own takes would be? but i feel like without sam there, like... hm. would dean even be the same person... would the past however many seasons even OCCUR remotely similar with sam out of the picture for literal years? we might be looking at a completely different world at that point.

my other theory is that the s2 plot of special children - we know azazel was raising a new 'crop' of psychic kids. i think that was a plot thread that they ended up dropping anyway, but if they didn't i do wonder if we'd be dealing with a lot more shenanigans like in s1 and s2 except with kids? and dean and cas trying to figure out what to do with these young psychics that might be turned into a vessel for lucifer or - whatever they wanted to do with those kids. hm.

i also question if purgatory would be a thing. like it probably would come up and be on the table, but maybe the godstiel arc wouldn't, bc if like you're saying dean and cas are together at this point, like. cas might have grown to love humanity (not just dean but like 99% dean) to the point where he might not be doing this risky gambit for more souls. and if gabriel is still around, cas may start petitioning gabe to help throw his archangel weight around against raphael while he tries to do the actual strategizing.

i think sam would still have his visions, like you said, and then maybe those lead him to dean or to a case that dean is also on? or if angels are more well-known later on, he tracks one down, maybe cas, maybe not (if it's NOT and it's one that works on raphael's side. ohoho. the possibilities...)

#asks #spn #fun ideas fun times!!

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selfcareparker · 4 years ago

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(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

#lovely anon #<3333333333333 #‚‘it‘s literally longer than your german compound words‘ LMAODKDMSLDKSLKS #ignore the comma at the beginning of the last tag????#aww wait i just read what you said at the end of your tags🥺🥺💘💘💘#love youuuu #ooooof i‘m reading my response and do i not know what a period is? like period as in. full stop.#my sentences are literally paragraphs and i use keyboard smashes to separate sentences from each other like what‘s wrong with me???#or ‚lol‘ snd ‚lmao‘#imma need me to do better (did you listen to heavy is the head as a whole? like the whole album? the song do better is stuck in my head toda #today so)#i‘ll try to write normal length sentenced in the future💀#sentencessss*

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loki-the-trikster-god · 4 years ago

Note

hi friend

i guess it’s me doing the ignoring this time. i apologize friend i’ve had a shitload of homework this week and i also had to make an ✨elaborate✨ birthday card for my friend yesterday so i’ve had like no time to breathe

bread is like humanity’s greatest achievement.

that and cake. cake good. cake very good

muffins too

okay i could do this all day i’m gonna stop now

hmmm. interesting. acting causes weird dreams. didn’t know that but now i’m educated yay

your boyfriend lives in france? bro that’s really cool.

america is indeed a struggle. it’s fun to read about on the news bc it’s the one part of reality that isn’t completely boring.

tumblr is a fun place. idk if the person that invented it intended it to be a hell site for gays and fandoms, so they are either super proud or super embarrassed

hopefully a combination of both

indeed. people can be interesting sometimes

ooooh i like ur style friend. part of me wishes we were the same height so i could raid ur clothes bc they are all so prettyyy (from the descriptions u give me) but odds are i am a lot shorter than u sooo.

yes u embrace ur inner jupiter north and go for it

haha u should wear a cloak just to see the reactions

yeah cloaks in the summer are never really a good idea. but cloaks in the winter? as u know it gets fucking freezing in canada so cloaks in the winter are not a bad idea

omg did you actually? okay that’s it ur my new idol i love it that’s brilliant. lmao “react in character” good advice director good advice. definitely a popcorn worthy moment

oh the best food ever? hmm i love popcorn with every cell of my being. idk why i just love it.

ikr i should learn violin. unfortunately that takes motivation which is something i do not have

omg i haven’t had hot chocolate in like six months. i usually get it from tim hortons (which they don’t have in the u s which sucks bc their doughnuts are like the greatest things ever) so idk what they put in their but it tastes good so it’s fine

hm interesting. welp that would have been good to know before i was baking and thought “well it smells good so let’s see how it tastes”. spoiler alert: it smells way better than it tastes

omg yes i want to adopt a dragon we should raise it together and then fly off on the back of the dragon into the sunset and then we can take turns taking dramatic pictures of each other

omg i need to watch those movies

hm i have a question: have u been in any other plays besides the current tempest one? who did you play and which character has been ur favourite to act out? i realize that is more than one question. o well

ugh i should do my homework rn

welp adios amigo until next time

oh right and it’s clyde i forgot to say that hehe :)

Hihi!! It’s ok, we’re both doing our own thing! You’re still mega cool!

Usual Sunday depression but we’re Pushing Through It.

I mean acting doesn’t cause weird dreams in everyone lol but it certainly does for me. I’m just a little crazy tho so like. Yeah lolol. Anyways it’s interesting.

My boyfriend does live in France. Ve’s extremely adorable and I love vem sm. Ve’s @/keefeinnit on tumblr 😍 I’m such a simp. Anyhow.

Hmm I’m not that tall I’m just average height. I only wear blue lol I need to branch out and wear other colors. I think my three colors will be dark blue, like. Raspberry pink and army green. That would all look sexy with both my normal hair and red hair so. My hair is actually already kinda coppery but not enough to make the color actually look more than brown.

Cloaks are very cozy. Especially like. Down lined ones they’re very flowy and very fuzzy. Also like. Long jackets of leather go brrrrrrrrrr

Awwwwwww that’s extremely sweet of you to hear, especially considering that I’ve had a Rough day. Filming is intensely hard and I’m tired so hearing u say that I’m ur idol is helpful. Anyways, you’re right it was very iconic of me. (I started this Sunday but it’s Monday now)

Popcorn is delicious, I had caramel popcorn at a birthday this weekend it was spectacular.

That’s relatable. I, also, have no motivation to do things.

Tim Hortons is on my Canada list it’s one of the first places I’ll go when I go there and I’ll make sure to get hot chocolate and donuts :)

I have also tasted vanilla lol. It isn’t great. The fermented vodka is a good part of why.

We should adopt a dragon, yeah!! What’s your favorite type of dragon? Like your favorite story. Also your picture plan is an extremely good idea, especially since dragons are extremely photogenic and we are both very attractive people.

I did a lot of acting in grade school, in the required school plays. I was the one that cared the most. A lot of them make me dysphoric to think about but some of them were fun. I was a nightmare in sixth grade, and St George in seventh. That was nice. Caliban is my favorite so far, and it’s more of a real acting job than the others.

Until next time, friend!!

#loki stuff #its clyde!

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backtobackbakubabe · 5 years ago

Text

Baby its Cold Outside (PART 4)

Bakugo x Reader

ANGST HOLY SHIT ANGST.

Words: 2613

PART 1 HERE, PART 2 HERE, PART 3 HERE PART 4 HERE PART 5 HERE , PART 6 HERE PART 7 HERE PART 8 HERE PART 9 HERE PART 10 HERE PART 11 HERE PART 12 HERE PART 13 HERE PART 14 HERE

*****************************************************************************************************

Today was your first day on the job with your new partner. You couldn't exactly say you were disappointed with who you chose. Izuku had gone to school with you and he actually had known Katsuki longer than you had. He was just as surprised as you when Katsuki had recommended that you team up with “Fucking Deku” Shocking you further he finally decided who he was going to team up with... He picked... Denki...

Bakugo claimed there were no good options and he didn't want to talk about it. But you got the feeling that he was a little excited about fighting with one of his UA pals again.

Izuku insisted that you call him by his hero name while on duty, but you just felt wrong calling him Deku when you knew the origin. But you complied and told him he could call you by your hero name if he wanted. You told him about how you had gone back and forth on names for a while but you had finally landed on Adsum.

“Oh cool! If you don't mind my asking what does it mean? I mean it sounds pretty but I don't think I’ve ever heard it before.”

You had forgotten how adorable Izuku’s little nerd mumbles were, “It’s latin for I am here. You know because I teleport so its like one second I’m here and the next I’m there... It’s kind of stupid...”

Deku’s jaw dropped, “WHAT! Thats the coolest name I’ve ever heard! THATS ALL MIGHTS CATCH PHRASE! Oh wow I’m so jealous. I wish I would have thought of that. That would be so cool to have All Might’s catch phrase in a different language as your hero name. Latin is such a beautiful language....”

You tuned him out as you opened up a new text to Bakugo.

y/n: I’ve spent all of 15 mins with Deku and I’ve already gotten him to nerd mumble twice lol. I’m totally going to make this a game! See how many times I can get him to do it in a day.

Babe: Fucking nerd...

Babe: His records 12 by the way.

y/n : Oh Yeah? And how would you know that?

Babe: Same reason I know he’s mumbling right now and you’re totally ignoring him... I'm observant.

Your head snapped up. No way. Where was he hiding? Was that asshole really watching you on your first day apart?

“Oi Deku!”

Deku stiffened a moment out of habit before he schooled himself to turn around and face Bakugo, who had somehow managed to sneak up on both of you.

“Oh hi Kacha... I mean Ground Zero!” As much of an asshole as Bakugo was to Deku, Deku never really seemed to let it get to him. “What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with Kaminari?”

Bakugo walked past Deku without so much as a glance as he stood in front of you, feet firmly planted, arms crossed over his chest, and eyes boring into yours. “Deku I’m only going to tell you this once. Keep an eye on her. She’s sneaky and will run off on her own. So try to keep up for once in your life.” He smirked at your irritated glare before he continued. “I’ve honesty thought about putting a bell around her neck. But if you listen carefully you can hear her gasp as she goes to hold her breath so make sure you’re fucking listening!”

He softened just a bit before he leaned over and gave your forehead a quick kiss “Oh and I think this goes without saying... if anything happens to her I will fucking kill you. Got it?!”

You both look over and Izuku is studiously writing everything Bakugo was saying in one of his many notebooks mumbling about all the new facts he just learned about you. “Kill me.... Got it...”

Bakugo smirked at you, “There, now you’re at three. Only ten more to go to beat my record.” He gave your ass a quick swat before turning to leave, “I need to go find dunce face before he gets himself into trouble. I’ll see you at home. Please be safe.”

And just like that he was blasting off, literally blasting off, creating quite the scene as he went to go find his new partner.

You rolled your eyes at your dramatic boyfriend and went about you day as usual.

When you got home that night you couldn't help but teleport right into Katsuki’s lap. “Alright I knew the first day was going to be hard. But seriously working with Deku is sooo much different than working with you. I missed your little quips and the way you pushed me to always be on my A game. I royally fucked up today and Deku was all, ‘Oh it’s fine Adsum... Don’t worry about it Adsum... Everyone makes mistakes Adsum...’ Which I mean is nice and all but I messed up! You would have torn my ass to pieces! You kno-”

Bakugo slapped his hand over your mouth, “New house rule. I don’t want to hear about anything that has to do with Deku. Unless he did something that put you in danger, in which case I would need to kick his ass, I don't want to hear about it.” His scarlet eyes bore into yours, his hand still covering your mouth so you just nodded. “Alright. Good.” He removed his hand, “Now about you royally fucking up... Do I dare ask what you did?”

You instantly blushed, “Well you’re not going to like it.”

He sighed, “Yeah I gathered that when you said I would have torn your ass to pieces. Y/n what did you do?”

You leaned into him, hoping if you were snuggling with him he would be less angry. “Well you see it’s not totally my fault. There was some sketchy villain who was selling hero tech illegally and Deku and I were following him to see if we could catch him in the act. He ended up catching on to us and made a run for it. He turned down an alley...” You started running your hands up and down his arm mindlessly as you got to the part you knew he wasn't going to like. “So I was supposed to teleport ahead of him and cut him off. No big deal, I do that all the time. Except you know how I have to visualize were I’m going? Well we weren't exactly on a street that I knew too well. So instead I ended up in the building he was running into and... well.. it was some kind of headquarters. So I unintentionally popped into a room full of villains without backup and I panicked and teleported right back out to the street where Deku was, but they all had seen me and now the place has been cleared out. The police had been watching them for months now and were preparing a bust, but I went and tipped them off and fucked everything up.”

You threw your head in the crook of his neck so you didn't have to see how disappointed in you he was.

He wasn't having any of that though, he gripped your chin and made you look at him. “If you’re waiting on me to yell at you its not going to happen. Sure you made a mistake today. But you also did something very right. You assessed your surroundings, knew you were outmatched, and you got to safety.”

You pouted, “Yeah but you would have stayed and kicked all their asses.”

He smirked, “Well you aren't me. And I’m thankful every day that you're not. I’m reckless and impulsive and proud. I also have a quirk that can blow people up and you don't. I’m very proud of you for getting yourself to safety. Deku on the other had is a pussy for not going in there. He totally could have handled that on his own.”

You slapped his chest, “Hey are you saying I couldn't have handled it?!”

He grabbed your hand before you could slap him again, “I’ve never lied to you and I’m not going to start now... No. I don't think you could have right now. There is not doubt in mind that in a few years you will though. You improve every day and you have this drive to do better that almost rivals my own. Just give yourself time. You’ll get there. I know you will.”

******

After that first day you settled into a routine. You’d come home and shower while Katsuki made dinner. Sometimes he’d be on night shift but he would leave food ready for you in the microwave. You’d tell him how many times you got Deku to nerd rant and he would tell you how many times he got Denki to short circuit. It was nice.... Until one day it wasn't.

It had only been three weeks since you changed partners. You and Deku had a graveyard shift and so far it had been pretty quiet. You were just about to text Bakugo to see if he was awake and if he could bring you some coffee, but then you heard it. A blood curling scream.

It sounded pretty close and out of instinct you started teleporting around to try and find its source. You don't even remember saying anything to Deku, You just acted. This is exactly the kind of thing Bakugo begged you not to do. But you couldn't help it. Someone out there needs your help.

You teleported two or three times before you found the source. The sight made your stomach sink. Human traffickers.

There was at least 12 goons by the look of it all trying to shove girls of all ages, shapes and sizes into a truck. And standing off to the side was Dabi and Shigaraki. Shit this is connected with the league of villains. You sent your location to Deku with a short “need backup. LOV threat 12+.”

You knew you needed to wait for backup but you also couldn't let them leave. Another scream rang out and you saw a crying girl probably around the age of fourteen on the ground trying to crawl away as one of the goons grabbed her ankle and roughly dragged her back. That was it. You couldn't watch this.

You teleported over behind the goon who was dragging her. You tapped his shoulder before teleporting to the other side of him. When he turned back around you punched him in the throat before brining your elbow down on his forearm with a loud crack breaking the arm that was holding the girls ankle. You scooped her up quickly, “RUN! Get out of here!”

You teleported into the truck and grabbed another girl before teleporting her as far as you could and telling her the same. You continued to do this three more times before they caught on to you.

You weren't even ready as a strong arm wrapped around your waist pulling you out of the truck, “I GOT HER!”

You were pinned to the hood of the truck by someone who was incredibly strong and you began to panic.You started to struggle, trying to hit anything you could. “Let go of me!”

Your attacker grabbed the back of your head and slammed it into the truck and you vision blurred. NO! You need to stay awake. You continued to try and squirm out of his grip when suddenly it was gone completely.

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!”

You would know that irritated voice anywhere. You were forced to turn around to face a very angry blonde. “You’re lucky Deku called me! You were about thirty seconds away from being one those poor girl chained up in that truck. Fucking Stupid! Do you even now what you just ran into. Look around.”

You looked around and saw that there was actually a lot more than 12 villains and it was now an all out battle. There was at lest five other heros that had shown up to help.

His hand came up to your head to check the now bleeding wound on you’re forehead, “You need to get out of here. You have a head wound and I don't want you to try to use your quirk with it. You’re probably already a little dizzy and I don't think holding your breath is going to help.”

You gritted your teeth, “No! I started this. I’m going to keep getting these girls to safety.”

An explosion rang out as he blew up a villain that had tried to sneak up on you, “Y/n would you please for once fucking listen to me!”

You shoved him away from you, “No you fucking listen to me! I’m going to get these girls out of here. Now how about you let me do my fucking job and and you do yours and watch my back.”

His nostrils flared but he knew now wasn't the time for an argument, “UGH FINE!” You nodded before hopping back into the truck and grabbing the first girl you could grab and teleporting away. There was already a hero waiting for you when you appeared on the other side to make sure the girls got away safely. You kept doing this over and over again.

You honestly were getting dizzy, and a little nauseous. But you just kept telling yourself it was just a concussion and to push through it. You had successfully gotten all thirty seven girls out but when you came back what you saw made your blood run cold. The heros were losing. There was just too many villains.

You heard a frustrated growl to your right and you saw Katsuki being tossed into a wall. He was taking too long to get back up.

He was exhausted. His leg was likely broken. His head was spinning from the exertion of having to constantly use his quirk. It had been nonstop fighting for the past half an hour. He had to keep going though. He had to protect you. He struggled to get up after that last blow, but he was only up to his knees when he looked up and saw a gun pointed at his head. “Fucking coward! Hiding behind a gun!” He heard the gun be cocked into place, he heard the trigger being pulled not once, not twice, but three times, but worst of all, he heard that noise. That noise he usually loves. The one that means you just teleported into his apartment...

“NO!” But it was too late. You had teleported between him and the gunman. Taking the bullets in the stomach. Bakugo sent an explosion that was so large it likely killed the bastard who shot you. Then you were falling backwards, your vision starting to blur.

You were in Bakugo's arms but you don't know how you got there, “Hey baby look at me. Hey open your eyes y/n. You’re going to be okay... I’m going to get you out of here. Y/n please! Y/n...”

Your hand came up to cup his cheek, “I.... got them.... out....”

Tears were streaming down his face now, “I know you did baby, you did such a good job now I need you to just hold on for me okay! More heros are on their way! You just need to hold on a little longer...”

You started to slip away, a single tear running down your cheek, “I... love you Katsuki.” And then you closed your eyes.

But before you were completely unconscious you heard the most gut wrenching, angry scream.

#bakugo x reader #bakugo x y/n #bakugo #katsuki bakugō #bakugo katsuki #bakugo imagine #bhna #bhna bakugou #bhna imagine #bhna x reader #my hero academia #mha bakugou #mha #mha x reader #mha imagines

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revol-lover · 4 years ago

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some good things about the isolation of the past year+ would be that i was forced to explore to consume some different media out of complete boredom and discovered that i actually really enjoy period dramas even though i’ve always avoided them because i thought i would hate them. and as it turns out there are sooo many movies and shows that flew completely under my radar in the past that i’m enjoying discovering now. i also discovered that i love [well written!] romance novels. another thing i would have never picked up in the past. but i love love so duh i would like romance novels? i don’t know why i assumed before that they would be awful. i also started painting again which i hadn’t done since high school and now i have a whole folder of “quarantine art”. and i think in general i’ve become a little more content with my kind of mundane day to day life. before the pandemic i was already feeling very isolated because of being a sahm with no friends who had kids. and honestly not any friends at all really beside my husband and also my closest friend, who also happens to be a man. so for years i’ve just desperately wanted a female close friend, preferably also a mom or sahm so i could have someone to talk to about mom things and specifically the hard parts of being a sahm that no one talked about. i don’t really have any strong female influences in my life. i dont have a relationship with my mom. i don’t have an older relative or friend at all that i can call or talk to for advice on anything. and i long for that. and last march, literally right before the shitshow began, i had this really enlightening talk with my close friend and he said maybe that’s [ a female ‘mom friend’] not what i need after all and maybe what i need are just friends with similar interests who aren’t moms. because the mom identity had swallowed me whole to the point that this time last year it was all i did. and i love being a mom, don’t get me wrong. i love and recognize the privalige it is that my husband can afford for me to be home right now, allowing me to be the person who raises our daughter. i love that i’ve been there for every special moment. i love making three meals every day (genuinely! because i did not have a mother who did these things for me. and when she did it was loaded with resentment) and cutting food into fun shapes and all that stuff. but i did nothing for myself. i’d parent all day then when she went to bed i’d just zone out on social media, scrolling, etc. i hadn’t even listened to music for the longest time besides in the car. so my friend was like, we’re going to get you out! you’re going to join a club or something. you’re going to meet people and put yourself out there again. and my husband agreed and it felt like the beginning of something! i was going to be brave and put myself out there!!! then two weeks later the world shut down lol. and instead of chasing that dream i had no choice but to face myself. realize that alright. yes, i’d love some more friends/human connection but the world is not giving me that choice right now so what else can i do? the news/social media was starting to make me feel really anxious so i started consuming it less (my husband works for the hospital and i was and still do get a very accurate idea of how it’s going in our area from him. i don’t need to over indulge in news). and i realized that i had time that i wasn’t really doing anything productive with when my daughter went to bed. and i don’t mean productive as in, accomplishing things. but more so it was my time and i wasn’t using it for my benefit or enjoyment at all. so i started somewhere simple. when was the last time i put on headphones and listened to an album i love? completely without distraction? like a decade ago? so i started there. and it felt so good. so i did that every night. then one day i decided i hadn’t written in a long time. i had only ever written poetry but how many poems can you write about a pandemic? (for me, like, 2) i didn’t know what to say anymore because my work had always been personal and inspired by bad times. but things were ok. boring, monotonous, but not bad enough personally to write about. so one day i sat down and decided i’d try fiction. something i never tried before. and i felt stupid immediately because.. i don’t write fiction. i’m not creative enough for that, am i? but then i remembered something i read about how there seems to be this message today that if you have a hobby you have to monetize it. which is stupid because ... hobbies should be hobbies. and if you decide to monetize them thats fine but it shouldn’t be the only goal. how can you learn that way? how can you start off bad, like we all do? if all you’re thinking about is what someone else will think? so taking that to mind, i told myself that i would just write whatever came to my head and no one ever had to see it. it was for fun. and i wrote 10 pages that first day. and a story came out of me. characters were born, that now a year later, i can’t imagine not knowing? did they live in me all my life? waiting for me to find them? i know that is corny as hell but its something i think about now.

what else is in me? what’s inside you? how do you find out if you don’t try? you have to let go of the fear of being bad at things and just try. no one has to see your art. your art is allowed to be secret. its allowed to be bad. and you can change your mind about that whenever you want.

#personal

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mirkwoodshewolf · 5 years ago

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Doctor mum on the case; 13th doctor x child reader

*Author’s note*

Okay I am a HORRIBLE PERSON!!! I have had this request done for awhile but I never got around to posting it, with one of my cats needing some health care stuff, and prepping for school, it completely blew my mind so to the anon who requested this I HAVE YOUR FIC HERE!!! I hope you all enjoy this :) and I hope to have a couple more updates either by tonight or tomorrow since I’m off school tomorrow.

Now no warnings in this fic unless you count being sick and UNADULTERATED PURE FLUFF as intense warnings then there’s nothing you need to worry about :)

Taglist:

@psychosupernatural

@plethora-of-things

@ixchel-9275

@waddles03

@platawnic

______________________________________________________

I woke up feeling a bit groggy. I let out a cough and groan in agony as my throat felt a bit scratchy. Could I be getting sick? No Timelords don’t get sick? I mean my mummy’s never gotten sick, at least that I know of. Maybe if I play it off she won’t notice.

“(Y/n), you up my lovely duckie?” I heard her voice say. She peeked into my bedroom and she said, “Hey there’s my best girl.”

“Morning mummy.” I managed to say after clearing my throat and trying to not let it croak.

“So, you ready to see the Meteor shower of 3132? If we’re lucky we may just see the Mercury asteroid.” I smiled and nodded trying to make the conversation end. It was then she looked at me again this time in concern. “Are you alright poppet? You—look kinda pale.”

“I’m fine mummy see? C’mon help me get dressed so we can head on out.” I hopped out of bed but with the sudden jolt of me hopping, it made my head bounce.

“Okay, so what shall it be today?” We walked over to my closet and we browsed through it till we found a mini-denim jeans, a black top and a green button-up jacket. “Aww look at you darling, you look sooo cute in this outfit!” She repeatedly pecked my cheek making me squirm and exclaim.

“Mummy! No wet kisses.” She only chuckled and stroked the hair out of my face and picked me up as we now went to the main controls.

“Alright my lovely, want to take the controls this time?”

“Really? You mean by myself?”

“I think it’s about time you learned the controls. No time like the present, eh?” I nodded when I felt a cough coming up. I passed it off clearing my throat and that’s when she said, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah mummy I’m fine, just had a—tickle in my throat.” She looked at me a bit skeptically but I just smiled at her trying to assure her that I was alright. Thankfully she believed me and that’s when she told me to come over and she helped me see over the controls but allowed me to punch in the coordinates.

Finally I land the TARDIS at our precise location and my mum went to check the door just to be sure I had done a good job. She opened the door for a brief second before closing it again and turning back towards me.

“That’s my brilliant co-pilot. Soon enough you’ll be flying this old girl by yourself in no time.” I smiled before suddenly felt my throat burning up. I swallowed and rubbed my neck when I heard mummy say, “(Y/n), are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yes mummy I’m…..” suddenly a raging cough came up and that’s when she cupped my face and felt my forehead.

“Hmm, just as I suspected. You do feel a bit warm. Maybe we should just stay in today.”

“No mummy I’m fine. C’mon let’s go! Adventure is out—” I let out another series of coughs.

“You can pull many things over my eyes my little duckling but not when it comes to your health. I’ll put a cloaking disguise on Sexy and we’ll just stay inside today.”

“But what about the meteor shower? You love to watch them.”

“Yeah, but I love you more. There are an infinite number of meteor showers we can go see throughout time and space, but there is only one you. And I don’t want to see my little poppet sick.” She kissed my forehead and picked me up before taking me back into my room.

Getting me back into my pajamas and into bed, mum first took my temperature with the thermometer placed in my mouth under my tongue. When it beeped she took it out and eyed it.

“Well good news my little duckie is that you don’t have the flu, bad news is you definitely have the cold. Here, lie down for a bit and I’ll make you some warm soup.”

“I’m sorry.” I croaked out. She looked at me confused.

“About what?”

“I—I ruined our outing, our adventure.”

“Oh love,” she stroked some strands of hair out of my face. “You didn’t ruin anything. Your health is my main concern. Out of every adventure, every spectacular sight in the Universe to see, all of that can be set aside if you’re sick or hurt. Nothing comes over my daughter, not even a meteor shower.” I smiled and let out some more coughs and she said, “I’ll go get the soup ready, don’t move, okay?”

“Okay.” I muttered. She smiled softly and kissed my forehead and left my bedroom.

A few minutes later, she came back in but she had a wide smile on her face.

“What is it mum? And where’s the soup?”

“I’ve been thinking and you’d probably get bored being in this room for the next several hours, so I have a surprise for you in the main control. C’mon.” she picked me up and took me out of my room.

Once we reached the main controls, there I saw the whole TARDIS was decorated like those bed forts that humans like to do on Earth.

There were pretty lights all decorated and aligned up and down against the walls like a waterfall, the center light of the main control of the TARDIS were a beautiful golden color that reminded me of an African sunrise, and pillows everywhere.

“Wow~” I awed out.

“You like it my darling?”

“I love it mummy, it’s—so pretty in here? Can we have her be like this all the time?” She chuckled.

“We’ll see my duckie, now let’s get you really comfy and fed.” She set me down on a nest of blankets where a small tray stood holding my soup. “Here we are love, nice and warm. Hope I did it right though.” She dipped the spoon into the bowl and held the spoon to my mouth. “How’s it taste?”

“It’s great mummy, best soup ever.” I hummed. She smiled.

“Ohh thank goodness. I was worried I had done the heating wrong.” I smiled and cuddled up close to her and she continued to spoon feed me my soup. “So, in light of our staying in, what would you like to do?”

“Can we watch a movie like some humans do?”

“Absolutely, what shall it be?”

“Jurassic Park!”

“Ahh secretly still wishing we could go back to the Cretaceous period eh?”

“It was just soo much fun, please mummy?”

“Okay Jurassic park it is. And I’ll think about planning another trip there. But it won’t be till after you’re better.” I pouted and whined. “Don��t you whine with me little missy.”

“Sorry mummy.” I playfully ruffled my hair as she got the movie set up on the projector and soon right up along the wall the movie began playing. About halfway through the movie, I felt myself growing tired and soon I snuggled into my mum’s lap.

And when I felt her stroking through my hair, that’s what automatically sealed the deal for me finally falling asleep. The last thing I felt was my mummy kissing the side of my head and she whispered.

“Goodnight my little duckie, sleep well. Hopefully you’ll be better soon.”

#doctor who #Doctor Who fanfic #doctor who fandom #doctor who imagine #doctor who fanfiction #doctor who imagines #13th Doctor #13th doctor x child reader #13th doctor x reader #13th doctor imagine #13th doctor fluff #13th doctor imagines #Jodie Whittaker #13th doctor fanfic

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elianabwrites · 5 years ago

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100 Days of Posting

Hello Everyone! I know I have been gone for a long time with so many “I’m Back!” posts with no follow through but with this challenge I am going to try to get back into a posting schedule! Now, for my version of the 100 Day challenge I am going to have a few different topics to touch up on since I have so much time in a day to be productive. I will be posting about my writing, and I am still working on the same fantasy series that I have been for years and I’ll talk more about my process with that below! I will also touch upon my hobbies, interests, and interesting topics I am learning about in school. I’m not one to shy away from what other people think are controversial topics and I hope to open up conversations on here! Also, I will be posting about the day before so as to incorporate the entire day into my post and share the most that I can. If you want to do the challenge with me (please do, I would love to hear about what you’re learning/interested in) then please tag your posts with #EB100DaysChallenge and I will do my best to check up on them every day and interact with the community!

If you don’t feel liking reading the whole thing at least reply with your thoughts/experiences/etc!

What forms of media do you like best? Which ones help you get motivated and why?

For my witches - What called you to your craft and how did you get started? What type of witch are you? and what do you wish the general public knew about witchcraft/Wicca/etc?

If you’re writing a book or series what are some blocks you faced and how did you overcome them?

What is your story about? Brag about it please!

How do you envision your scenes? Do you share any of my ways of imagining and connecting with them?

What are you majoring/minoring/ studying right now? Why did you choose that particular field of study? and what is the most interesting thing you have learned recently and how do you feel about it?

Day 1 of 100 - 04/08/2020

Today was such a low energy day and since my sleeping pattern has been so messed up recently I am up at all hours of the night and sleeping all day. Between public health issues and politics I have been so very distracted and have been having a hard time getting into my school work, writing projects, hobbies, and other interests.

I’m breaking down this post into these topics:

Miscellaneous & Media

Writing

MISCELLANEOUS & MEDIA

Because of all of this I took most of the day to relax and recharge. I watched Madam Secretary on Netflix (for the 400th time) and listened to some of my favorite albums and songs (Hamilton was definitely in there) and cuddled with my dog. What are some of your favorite forms of media? I love Madam Secretary because it really reflects a lot of what I want to do in my career and I simply love the main character and her family. As for Hamilton, well, not to sound cliche but I really relate to the main character because I feel like I’m always writing (~non-stop~) and I think I have a revolutionary, humanistic way of looking at the world which I believe he had as well. Anyway, I usually try to use these forms of media to get into my school work and personal interests.

I’ve also been getting into learning about witchcraft, not the fantastical version, but rather the spiritual practice. Although not all witches/witchcraft are Wicca it is an example of a belief system that practices it. I am not even a baby witch in my opinion because my journey has only just begun but the thing I find I love most about witchcraft so far is that it is really based on learning. You learn about herbs and the earth, you learn new spells and different forms of magick, there is so much history and diversity to uncover - It is just amazing! Also, the inclusiveness is so refreshing considering as a member of the LGBT community I find it hard to fit in other belief systems.

WRITING

Okay, so, like, I have no excuses. I kind of suck at actually writing this book of mine but it is okay because I have not given up yet (well, I have but I always come back to it!).

If you don’t know, or don’t remember because let’s be honest its been at least 3000 years, I am writing a series that I have been referring to as Blood Will Run. I have been rather stuck in the plotting and world building stages but I am hoping to finally, FINALLY, move on to drafting it in its entirety soon.

I would consider myself a rather reflective person and naturally have thought and reflected far too much about why I have been so stagnant in my writing and I came to these conclusions:

I have been so caught up in writing the perfect story, with the perfect characters, writing devices, syntax, plot, etc.

I have been too focused on reading and researching any and all writing advice I can find.

I have lost the feeling of my story and, like many writers have been discovering lately, I think I have been forcing myself into being a plotter when I think I would be far happier as a partial discovery writer, at least for my first draft.

I want my series to mean something, similar to Fahrenheit 451, Harry Potter, 1984, and Catcher in the Rye to name a few. This is, of course, a tall almost unattainable order which is very discouraging.

So, in an attempt to reclaim my story from my incredibly high standards I am returning to my old way of writing, even though I am deeply embarrassed by it. I am going to imagine my scenes, act them out from my characters different points of view, and write without thinking of how it could be better. Although, because I am trying to write a series I need to do a little more plotting (aahhh I hope I don’t fall into the plotting trap again) so as to understand where each of my books start and end and the pace that they necessitate. I’ll write more details and such about my story in my next post so stay tuned if you’re interested!

Also, if anyone needs help with plotting I love working out plot lines, backstories, and everything related to world building! Send me a message, if there’s enough people maybe we can start a little group!

SCHOOL

I know, I know. School is not everyone’s favorite thing to talk about but I am the biggest nerd and I love it so so SOOO much! I am going into my Junior year of college and am studying criminal justice with a concentration in international and transnational crimes. I absolutely love my major and reading my textbook is as fun as reading Percy Jackson was when I was younger. I chose this major because I hope to one day work for an organization such as UNICEF, Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch, International Rescue Committee or anything along those lines. I have always had a need to help people, specifically children and at an international level.

Recently, I have learned that the United States is the only country within the UN member states that has not ratified the UN Convention of the Rights of a Child which is the most comprehensive human rights treaty in the world. Also, in the United States victims of child human trafficking are often those under the governments purview such as foster children as well as children that have slipped through the cracks of society and are homeless and hungry. Although the topics can be rather depressing I love learning about it because it means I am one step closer to, and a little more capable of, and more passionate about helping the world in whatever way I can. I am also very interested in learning about different cultures and how to help them without enforcing my own way of life upon them as a means to further develop their society. Every day I worry about and diligently work against perpetuating the infamous white savior complex and hope that I can avoid it in my future professional pursuits.

I really love talking about schools, majors, minors, and everything related to college so if anyone out there needs any advice or just wants a non-judgmental sounding board for ideas my messages are open to you!

I think I’ll wrap it up here as I’m not too confident with writing posts like this yet. I hope I wasn’t to terribly boring and that at least someone read to this part of the post and if not than I suppose I have 99 more days to entice you to read past my title. I hope you are all happy and healthy and staying inside as much as possible!

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nadziejastar · 5 years ago

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Day 8: Roxas

Author: Axel

Today's mission was to show Roxas the ropes. I feel like they've had me babysitting him since he got here. He's not a bad kid, but he's spacey. Good fighter, though. At least I won't be bored.

Yeah, what the heck? To be honest, for most of the years I played the KH games, I did so on my own. I didn’t really go online or read fan opinions. When I actually did read the fandom opinions, I was surprised to see a lot of the views people had. I couldn’t understand how certain popular viewpoints came about. They were just downright bizarre to me. Like the opinion that Roxas and Ventus and Xion and Kairi were always supposed to coexist. Or “Axel the babysitter”. I hate that characterization of him. It’s so cringey.

Roxas: What? Why am I a slap on the wrist!?

Axel: Well, they just know how much I loathe babysitting...

Like, I don’t know where people got the idea that hanging out with two kids all day would fulfill him. Going by the fandom, you’d think that as soon as Axel met Roxas and Xion, he found true happiness with his inseparable best friends™. All he needed was his two "precious cinnamon rolls" to protect, and he’s totally content. Yuck. Axel would be humiliated and throw up at that portrayal.

“Watch this!” Axel threw a dart at the board.

“Hey! We have to investigate.”

“C’mon, it’s just a couple darts.” Axel tossed one more, which neatly struck the bull’s-eye.

Axel was very fond of them, but he did not like babysitting. He took on that role in spite of himself, for THEIR sake, because there was no one else to look out for them. It didn’t come naturally to him and he seemed a bit suffocated by it at times. He was also very lonely. "Babysitter” wouldn’t be his ideal lifestyle if he had other options. He lost his childhood and felt a lot of empathy for vulnerable kids. But he wanted to be a kid again, not take care of kids.

Talking to Roxas and Xion always brings back memories of my human life, back when I was a kid. It's a weird sensation. I ought to be able to share all this with Saïx, but I just don't feel like it anymore.

He desperately wanted to talk to someone who was his peer; his equal. He wanted to share his memories of the past with Saïx (well, probably Isa to be more precise). He couldn’t truly relate to Roxas or Xion. He barely told them anything about himself. He longed to confide in someone about his TRUE feelings instead of having to lie all the time. He was never happy to just be a mentor. It’s a big reason why I was so turned off by KH3 making Roxas and Xion seem SOOO much more important to Lea than Isa was. It seemed like in KH3 he left his past in Radiant Garden behind him. Nothing about his life before becoming a Nobody mattered much anymore. All he needed was Roxas and Xion in his life. It’s just plain weird and kinda creepy. And not very realistic, either. Axel was a strong independent woman man. He was his OWN person and had his own identity long before he met Roxas and Xion. Why didn’t we get to see how he felt about his real home? He did NOT see Twilight Town as his home.

Day 75: Inseparable

Axel told us best friends can be inseparable even if they're not always together, but it sounded like he wasn't too sure about it himself. I thought Axel knew everything. Oh well...

Day 171: What's Love?

On my mission at Beast's Castle, Xaldin told me about "love" and the special power it has over people. I tried to ask Axel about it, but his explanation didn't make any sense to me. Every time I ask him about this kind of thing, he tells me I need a heart to understand. It's like he's dodging the questions.

Roxas thought Axel knew everything about life, but the only things he had trouble explaining were “best friends” and “love”, lol. Honestly, I was always FAR more interested in learning about Axel’s past than his relationship with Roxas and Xion, which was kind of shallow, to be honest. Axel never talked about himself with them. Their relationship was pretty surface-level in many ways. Axel was close to them, but at the same time very distant from them. Which I liked! It was more realistic that way and I wouldn’t change it. Real life is complicated. But I wanted to learn about who LEA was, not have his character forever stagnate in the sea-salt trio, where he's stuck as “Axel the Mr. Rogers babysitter” figure. Gross. That’s not who he really is. That’s not going to make him happy.

Day 14: This Kid?

Author: Axel

Another mission with Roxas today. Is he seriously my responsibility? At least he's starting to talk like a normal person. Maybe that means his memory's coming back. Still, this kid's supposed to be the Keyblade master's Nobody? I don't see it.

Why was Axel tasked with looking out for Roxas in the first place? This is something Xemnas asked of him on the day Roxas joined. Probably because Lea was worried about Isa, and tried to take care of him during the experiments. Xemnas knew that out of all the members, he had empathy for vulnerable kids in bad situations, due to his past trauma as a kid. That doesn’t mean he wanted to be a nanny for the rest of his life, though.

Looking out for other people when I can’t even take care of myself—this isn’t like me at all.

I don’t understand fanon Axel or KH3 Axel. He needed someone he could actually have a grown up conversation with, and Roxas and Xion didn’t offer him that. I understand the rage against Isa even less. How did people not understand that Isa was not Saïx? It really didn’t take a genius to see where they were going with a character like Isa. Nobody had a hard time seeing that Terra was not Xemnas. He even had all of Terra’s memories, and called Aqua’s armor a “friend”. The only difference was that Saïx didn’t know he was a Nort. Well, I guess a lot of people intentionally vilified Isa because they saw him as a threat to the sea-salt trio and Axel’s role as the babysitter? God, that’s weird...

Isa: From where I stood, the only thing you drew was a big L on your forehead for "Loser"..."Lame," "Laughable"...

Lea: Wha-- Isn't this the part where ya...cheer me up or somethin'? "You're just havin' a bad day." or..."That's what you get for pullin' your punches!" Some friend.

Isa: Oh, you mean I was supposed to lie.

Lea: Ya see what I gotta put up with? Sure hope you don't have friends like him.

Like, I’ve seen some people really overreact to this scene and it blew my mind. Someone I talked to said that they had no idea why Lea was even friends with Isa. I was so confused by that. Isa was a bad friend because he used playful banter? I’m like, do these people not tease their friends, WTF? Lea liked it when Isa roasted him. They were just playing around. Some people prefer that type of banter. It’s common flirtatious behavior, too. Lea needed to be around someone who could tease him.

“…Aw, is it good?” Axel teased. “Seriously, you’re like a little kid. Even though you look like a mean old man.”

Riku made no response, keeping his gaze fixed on the computer screen. The comment did rub him the wrong way. But mentally, Axel was definitely older than him by at least a little. Not that you could tell from looking.

Guess Axel didn’t deserve to be redeemed, either. Look how evil he was to Riku! Truth is, Axel was holding back his real sense of humor with Roxas and Xion because they were so innocent. If fans got the impression that Axel was just as sweet as Roxas and Xion and that he wanted the same things they did out of his friendships, they were wrong.

Xion: Heh heh... Thanks, Axel. You're sweet.

You can just see him cringe when Xion called him “sweet”. Like, ew don’t call me that. You don’t know me that well. I kill people for a living. Of course he would never tell her that, but you could tell he felt awkward and uncomfortable.

Isa: I know I won't forget you. Believe me, I try all the time.

But you can just see how much he was beaming with delight when Isa playfully insulted him. He was definitely more comfortable with Isa’s way of showing affection. Isa didn’t seem like a bad friend to me at all. He seemed like the perfect best friend for him. He offered Lea the type of communication he truly longed for.

#kh axel #kh lea

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aspiring-dm · 5 years ago

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Three-Headed Puppy Is Back On His Bullshit

So, some of you may have read my previous post about Paolo Manchado, the Cerberus from a game of Monsterhearts I’m playing in. The game has mostly just been me playing and the GM torturing me with the awful choices I impose on myself. Paolo has ended up being one of my favorite characters to play due to the deep, painful, emotional trauma I experience while portraying this innocent monster. This post is going to be a more in-depth look at the first three sessions I’ve played with him.

So in session one, we’re off to a somewhat slow start that many powered by the apocalypse games experience where the GM is frustrated trying to figure out what the player(s) want to do and the player(s) are frustrated trying to figure out what they’re supposed to do. I’ve never been a fan of any games that take place inside a school because the act of roleplaying the menial act of going to classes bores me sooo much (I was in many free text role plays on supercheats and figment that had this problem).

Paolo is a Cerberus. In particular, THE Cerberus “gave birth” to him, a phrase which here means he woke up in Unity, New Hampshire, knowing he was Paolo Manchado, son of Cerberus, put here on earth to ensure that the beings of light and dark remain in their place. That goal makes up every fiber of his being the same way blood and bones make up you and me. He gets very frustrated because humans keep trying to get him to feel human and he keeps telling them “I am incapable of feeling the same way you do about life, relationships, and purpose. Not I DON’T feel the same way, not I WON’T. I CAN’T.”

So we started off in a classroom, and then there was a car crash outside. The car had crashed into nothing, so Paolo was searching around for invisible creatures, visiting her in the hospital, gazing into the abyss, trying to find answers but nothing was really going anywhere.

Then he encounters Ronan, who directs him at Elijah, who he’s apparently trying to avoid. Paolo could smell death on Elijah and chased him under a bridge, demanding to know what he was. Turns out, he’s basically a zombie.

Elijah’s backstory is that he was seduced by Ronan, who took him back to his cabin, starting making out, started getting handsy, started getting knifey, and then sacrificed Elijah in a dark ritual. Elijah came back, though, now in undead form, with some dark violent tendencies he can’t control.

Paolo lets Elijah go and goes to track down Ronan, the true problem here. Specifically, Paolo’s not concerned with the mere existence of zombies or warlocks in his town, just when they start interfering with mortal lives, which Ronan had willfully done. After talking a bit to Elijah’s ex, Hero, Paolo manages to track down Ronan’s house. They traded lots of high philosophy arguments that I forget most of, which mostly amounted to Paolo demanding that Ronan not hurt anybody else and Ronan shrugging and going “What can you do? Gotta break a few eggs.” Ronan is frustrating and clearly Neutral Evil. His alignment doesn’t concern Paolo, though, only his risk factor of exposing the dark side of the world.

So Paolo leaves. By the way, having been born without parents, or money, or a social security number, Paolo’s only possessions are the clothes on his back. As such, he lives in an abandoned boxcar, like the Boxcar Children. This is important to note because when he gets back there, Elijah is waiting, depressed. They talk a lot about Elijah’s issues with being dead, his personality defects both before and after dying, his relationship issues, etc. Then they both went to sleep together. Before you ask, yes, there were gay vibes, but that’ll just make it worse later.

That night, Paolo discovered he had the ability to enter a sort of mindscape, which was essentially Elijah’s Metaverse Palace where there was a courtroom where he played judge, jury, defendant, prosecutor, and defense. The people on the stand were all the people Elijah had fallen in love with telling the judge Elijah how quickly he’d fallen in love with them and what he did that drove them away.

Then Paolo discovered the ability to interact with these mind-Elijahs, and took the stand before taking the role of one of the attorneys. Thus began a long and emotional and philosophical monologue by Paolo trying to help Elijah learn how to control his emotions, how to not love to eagerly, and especially not to love people like Ronan. See, Elijah was still in love with Ronan, even though Ronan had only used him for the sacrifice (Ronan’s mind had also gotten pulled into this Palace). A little bit of progress was made here.

This was about the end of session 1 I think.

Later, Paolo went to Ronan. He’d at some point looked into Ronan’s emotions (because these are powers a Cerberus has for some reason) and learned that Ronan was obsessed with being remembered for his “scientific” achievements. So, Paolo went to Ronan and said “I am the only creature of my kind in the entire world. Maybe you can put your... creative energies into studying me, rather than murdering people.” Paolo is not confident in Ronan’s agreement having a lasting effect, but as long as it’s working he’s not complaining.

That night, Hero came to Paolo’s boxcar saying that Elijah needed help. Paolo was apprehensive at first, because it’s not really his job to help in general, but when it came to his attention that Elijah was attacking someone he agreed to follow her.

Elijah’s dark side had given him a need to be feared, and was hitting a guy’s car with a baseball bat, with the guy inside the car. Paolo transformed in front of Hero (his eyes turn black, his hands grow bone claws and fur, and his teeth sharpen) and tried to threaten Elijah down at first, but that didn’t work, so he then convinced Elijah to come back to the boxcar and talk.

Elijah, defeated, came to the boxcar and began smashing the door with his fist repeatedly, droning and punching. Paolo had asked this before, but he asked it again, what did Elijah want. Elijah’s answer was always the same: he either wanted to go back to the way things were before he died, or be able to move on and die.

Paolo thinks very hard, and very conflicted. He and Elijah had become close friends over the course of these two sessions, but Elijah’s worsening condition made him a threat to the balance between worlds Paolo was sworn to protect. Paolo asked this wanting an instruction on what he could do. While he knew his purpose, he was very directionless on how to achieve it.

Paolo asked Ronan if he could reverse Elijah’s curse, but Ronan’s experiments to look into such a task would be both risky and time-consuming. Time Paolo might not have.

So, while Elijah slept in Paolo’s boxcar, Paolo stared at his confused and broken friend and made a horrible decision. He set about the gruesome work of chewing Elijah’s head off. He didn’t bother trying to clean the boxcar- he knew the police would find it. He simply buried the head in the snow, left the body in the car (in case they could reconnect somehow), and wandered off into the woods. He stopped in the cemetery where he made his new home. The next day, on Hero’s birthday, he told her what he had done. It broke her more than it broke him, to say the least.

While Elijah had been alive, he’d asked Paolo what kinds of girls he was into. Quote, “What about Jessie Lynn?... She’s cute...” After Elijah died, somehow the words stuck with Paolo. He’d gotten very close to Elijah very fast and it ended very badly. Paolo just wanted somebody he could be friends with and take very slowly, without needing to deal with the whole monster thing. So he started talking to Jessie Lynn, who played a sort of Magic the Gathering Parallel that Paolo likes because Cerberus is one of the cards in it. And they started being friends, and that’s where session 2 ended.

AND THEN THE BULLSHIT BEGAN. Oh, you think murdering your zombie son who you wanted to teach how to love but whose psychological illness made him a danger to himself and to society so you ATE THROUGH HIS NECK was pretty raw and emotional? Well session 3′s the game that made me feel actual anger and cry actual tears. This is the game where Jonah starts yelling at NPCs at 1 AM and waking up his parents.

By the way, here and there have been some interactions with Jupiter, a ghost in Paolo’s class, but she doesn’t bother him too much cause she’s not very active and can never remember anything anyway.

Fast forward three weeks, Paolo and Jessi Lynn have been getting along pretty well, nothing super serious has happened except for all the student life trauma of finding out your classmate was mysteriously murdered, police had questions, etc.

Paolo gets back to his graveyard he’s been sleeping in, because that’s his life now, and he finds Hero lying under his tree. Who knows how she keeps finding where he sleeps. Anyway, she looks up at him and she’s a vampire now and says she needs his help and Paolo and Jonah both go “Welp. This’ll end badly.” She starts telling him about how she’s been on a drinking binge since Elijah’s death and she met this vampire and she asked him to turn him because he said she could see Elijah again, and she takes Paolo to the body of someone she killed. Paolo at this point is honestly not very conflicted. The vampire who turned her would only be a problem if she hadn’t literally asked to be turned, but Paolo still wanted to identify the guy so he could be aware of vampires in his town.

As for Hero, he sent her to Jessie Lynn’s house (the girls were both good friends) and tried to find out anything he could about the vampire, but to no avail. He went back to Jessie Lynn’s house to check up on her when he heard a scream, ran into the room to find Hero feeding on Jessie Lynn. Already Paolo is panicking because if Hero’s gonna have Elijah-like impulses, it won’t be good. Paolo tries talking, he tries pulling her off, he tries hugging her, he tries playing wounded puppy dog, but I ROLLED SIX FAILURES IN A ROW during this whole segment, giving me two level-ups within ten minutes. AND THEN I DIED cuz Hero ripped my throat out. Luckily I had just taken a move last session that meant I never stayed dead, so a few hours later Paolo wakes up propped against the dresser, Jessie Lynn lying on the floor with a damp towel against her neck.

Paolo is thinking, one, okay this is weird, but of course since I’m the child of the guardian of the underworld, they’d just send me back. Two, gotta make sure Jessie Lynn is okay, yep she’ll be fine despite the big hole in her neck. Three, gotta find Hero. Eventually Paolo finds her in a crawl space on the staircase and get her to talk to him, reassuring her that rumors of his death were greatly exaggerated.

Then Jessie Lynn wakes up and Paolo keeps Hero hidden in the crawl space until there’s and opportunity for her to get away, and he tells Hero that if she can’t get into her own house (due to needing an invitation) he’s recently been sleeping near Ronan’s cabin in the woods, which no one lives in. Jessie doesn’t remember much about the attack, and Paolo struggles to find a good lie, but luckily “I don’t know” seemed to work well enough. While Paolo’s wounds have vanished, his clothes are still coated in his blood (which right now we’re going to pretend Jessie thought was her blood), and she offered to let him borrow some of her dad’s clothes while she washed those. So the fanfiction begins, and then while Jessie is making tea and dinner Hero runs out the door.

Fanfiction continues, a moment where Jessie reaches for Paolo’s mug and he thinks she’s going for his hand so he reflexively takes her hand awkwardly. Then of course they end up sharing the same bed, and then the smutty stuff began.

I’ve been portraying Paolo as semi-aromantic? Not exactly fitting that label, the main idea being that as he is a Cerberus, he doesn’t experience the same range of emotions that humans do, but he does still possess a human-ish body with sexual urges. I think it’s possible he’s capable of romantic love, but so far such a thing couldn’t happen with any creature from this world.

So anyways, after a somewhat awkward first time for both of them, Paolo basically confesses as much as he can about himself without outright telling Jessie monsters exist. He tries to explain that if she had known the parts he can’t tell her about they might not have happened like this, but she doesn’t seem concerned about it at all.

So onward from there, Paolo heads out the next morning to the cabin to find Hero’s broken into it and slept on the bed. Paolo scrounges up some clothes for her and gives her his hoodie hoping it’ll be enough to protect her from the sun, but it’s not enough. Also we later retconned, because the fanfic nature of this game demanded it, and decided that Paolo made no attempt not to watch her change and Hero made no attempt not to be watched changing, which may or may not be relevant in future sessions, idk. They decide they’ll have to wait til nightfall, and Paolo leaves for school.

Now, Paolo has never not worn his hoodie anywhere. Given as its one of the only things he owns, he doesn’t really take it off much. But in this case, he’s forgotten to get it back from Hero, exposing the snake tattoos on his back (there are many snakes, all of their heads coming to the back of his neck while the tails slide down his back and curl around his upper arms). Several students were curious about them. Things during the day with Jessie were about the same, except she kept giving Paolo playful looks of “I know what your dick looks like.”

Paolo spends that day trying to get Jupiter to not walk through walls and then spends some time with Jessie before returning to the cabin. Having discovered that his blood sates Hero’s hunger and also he can’t die even if she overfeeds, he decides to become her personal blood bank to keep her from attacking people.

Then the two of them go shopping to get her some clothes that don’t look like they were made for a lumberjack twice her size. She immediately gets into the vampire look, with the black, and the fishnets, and yadda yadda. She also gets Paolo a black leather jacket, to which his response was “I already have a jacket though... I wear it everyday.” She also insists he pick something out, so he gets a pair of fingerless gloves, which apparently Elijah also wore and Hero gets quiet for a moment.

Paolo then takes Hero home and invites her into her own house before her dad comes downstairs and grounds her. Paolo returns to the cabin. Previously he’d been sleeping outside under a tree because he didn’t expect Ronan would appreciate him breaking in, but now that Hero’s already broken a window and now that Paolo’s experienced what a real bed feels like, he decides to go in and sleep on the bed.

So, Saturday, Paolo and Jessie meet up and they decide to go help Hero (who at this point, I believe Jessie thinks she was sexually assaulted based on the vague approximations of what Paolo’s told her) and spend time with her while she’s grounded. Paolo knows that grounding is a punishment given by parents to their children, but he’s unclear on what exactly that means, so he spends a little while just trying to find a roundabout way of getting Hero to say what grounding is without him directly asking.

Hero’s got garbage bags up on all the windows, saying she sunburns super easily now. Jessie goes into another room to try to find something more permanent, leaving Hero and Paolo to FUCKING discuss the fact that Paolo hasn’t told Jessie Hero’s a vampire, or what he is. This is the part where I started feeling Paolo’s anger and frustration, because they get into an argument and then Jessie enters the room and Hero goes “Hey, I’m a vampire, and it’s his job to kill me!” Paolo tries to play it off like a joke, and then Hero shows Jessie her fangs. Paolo, in his anger, just shuts down for a moment, goes to close the door, and slumps down in front of it, now trying to process in his head if this information is going to leave this room, or if he has to repeat what he did with Elijah with the girl he slept with and also Elijah 2.0. Jessie runs out another door in the room, Paolo makes no attempt to stop her and angrily starts yelling at Hero about his job and how her actions were totally reckless, if Jessie tells anyone there will be panic on both sides of the divide and basically a war would just break out. Hero’s trying to act like it’s not that bad and Paolo’s not having any of it, and he’s trying not to bring up the fact that it’s very possible he has to KILL both of them now.

So he leaves and tracks down Jessie hiding in the hollow of a tree. Some notes about Paolo’s role play, his voice is always very ineffectual and emotionless, he often hums three times while trying to think about things he doesn’t find super serious. In this moment, though, he angrily stands outside this tree and demands Jessie talk to him. She tries to leave multiple times during this conversation, but he keeps stopping her. Says “Guess now I have to tell you.” He explains everything about Elijah being dead and Hero being a vampire and his job to make sure normal humans never find out about it. Looking back, he never actually said anything about what he is, just his job. And then he gets to truth of what happened to Elijah and he says “It seems manipulative to tell you this! It feels like a threat, and there’s no way to get around it being a threat!” And he tells her that he killed Elijah. Then she leaves, and he just stands there. In his mind, he’s making a gamble. He’s gonna hope Jessie doesn’t tell anyone, and if she does... well, he can start killing people later. For now he just wants to feel like he’s accomplishing something, so he goes back to help Hero with her window situation.

Hero and Paolo have a long argument containing many typical elements of Paolo arguments, such as “it won’t be that bad if people find out,” and “you can choose your own destiny” vs. “I literally cannot I am not a human.” Somewhere in here I started crying actual tears as Paolo’s defeated by the world. He wants so badly to not have to kill anybody and he’s remembering how awful it was with Elijah when he failed him.

Hero leaves the house for a bit, and when she comes back Paolo is still standing in the middle of the room. He’s so lost on what he should do he can’t even figure out if he should go anywhere or move at all. The first time she tries to comfort him, he turns away from her, in his mind the current situation is her fault to begin with. The next few times he shows no sign of accepting or resisting. She hugs him, makes him sit on the bed, makes him lie on the bed, and plays with his hair after calming him down a little. She tries to get him to stop thinking for a bit, which only happens when she starts humming a song, but beyond that his mind is racing. She falls asleep and Paolo assumes she expected him to, but his version of sleep is actually consciously gazing into the abyss, so his options are either think while conscious in this world, or think while conscious in the abyss. The abyss is the more informative and intimidating of the options, so he just stays awake until she wakes up again.

That’s where we are now. Fucking three sessions and Paolo’s already broken. Oh: right after sleeping with Jessie he took the move Loyal, so Jessie’s basically his master. ALSO, though, Jessie hates him now and wants nothing to do with him, so unfortunate timing on that. *shrug*

#paolo manchado #monsterhearts #ttrpg #campaign diary #powered by the apocalypse

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earth-ambassador-jim · 5 years ago

Text

Changeling Loyalties: Chapter 6

A Small Problem

Toby is quite happy with his life, but then the Amulet of Daylight just had to choose his human friend. What’s a changeling to do? Good thing Toby never really liked Gunmar anyway.

I forgot to post this here...

AO3 - Fanfiction

~~~~

Toby was practically drooling as he stared at the strange and colorful crystals the vender was selling.

“Close your mouth, Tobes,” He heard Jim say with a snicker.

Okay. Maybe he actually was drooling, but could he really be blamed? They didn’t sell these kind of things on the surface.

“Sooo, how much are these?” He asked the shopkeeper, a stout, light grey troll about a head taller than Blinky. He leaned against the table and tried not to look too interested.

“What’ve ya got?” The shopkeeper asked in a gruff bored tone.

Toby blinked. Did the trolls here have a currency? They ate the metals humans prized for their own currency. He looked around him at the different stalls trying to see if he could spot a transaction, unfortunately most of the trolls were just talking.

In the Darklands, while it was generally every troll for themself, they did do some bartering. Toby himself had been rather skilled in finding and extracting valuable gems and minerals. It had not gotten him very far in a society based on violence, especially when the other changelings kept stealing from him. Eventually he had put a stop to that by crushing some stinger crystal and putting it in an offending troll’s food; the results were not pretty but it did the job…

“Toby we need to get going,” Jim said, tapping his shoulder.

“Right!” Toby shook himself back to the present. “Let me just try something first.”

He turned back toward the shopkeeper, who was now polishing what looked like a glowing amethyst on a stone wheel.

“Sir? Sir!” The troll pulled the crystal back and turned toward him with a grunt.

“What kind of things are you looking for?”

“What’ve ya got?” The troll repeated, making Toby feel a bit like he was talking to an NPC in a video game.

“Nothing at the moment…” The troll started turning away. “But! I happen to have unlimited access to the surface.” Toby’s gaze darted around quickly cataloguing the wares at the other stands. “Socks… blankets, tin cans… lightbulbs, you name it I can get it for you!”

Now he had the troll’s interest. The troll’s eyes, grey-brown and translucent (smoky quartz maybe?), sized Toby up. The changeling carefully kept his pose casual.

“Hmmm… Come later and A’ll give ya a list. Bring that stuff and w’ll talk.”

“You got it,” Toby said shooting him finger-guns and winking for good measure.

Jim let out a groan, before grabbing his arm and dragging him off.

~~~~

“Trollhunter!”

Toby jumped as a portly troll lady barged in on their history lesson.

He shot her a look of annoyance as Blinky turned toward her. He had actually been enjoying himself. Aaarrrgghh was quite comfortable to lean against, he had Jim beside him and out of danger, and Blinky was a very good reader. Also, while he knew the basics of what happened at Killahead, he had never really learned the details.

“What is it Bagdwella? Is it the heartstone?” Blinky asked closing the book with a concerned expression.

“Stalkling?” Aaarrrgghh rose to all fours.

“Is Bular in Trollmarket?” Jim asked nervously.

Toby doubted that was the case; there’d have been a lot more screaming.

“No. No. No!!!” Bagdwella yelled waving her arms around. “Rogue gnome!!!!”

~~~~

The glue traps were kind of creepy, Toby reflected with a shudder. He wasn’t familiar with gnomes, but their skeletons looked eerily human. Not to mention he’d always been of the opinion if one was going to kill something they should do it quickly. He figured it fell into the whole “treat others how you wanted to be treated” thing. Slowly dying from starvation and dehydration was not a nice way to go.

Bagdwella was explaining her problem to Jim who seemed to be just as baffled about why he was being called on to help with this as Toby was.

“See you need a gnome catcher,” He said with an awkward smile when she had finished. “And I’m, well, the Trollhunter. So…”

“Oh no, Master Jim,” Blinky interrupted. “The Trollhunter cannot refuse a call and what better a call for you to train with than a pint sized quarry.”

Toby supposed he could see Blinky’s reasoning there. Still…

If Toby had come to one of his superiors over something this trivial he would have gotten a harsh reprimand for wasting their time at a bare minimum. Did they really treat all the Trollhunters like this or was it because Jim was new and hadn’t earned their respect yet? Or, more likely, because he was human?

A sound that was something like a guitar drew their attention to a rack of socks. The gnome emerged strumming a makeshift instrument made out of a small rake and singing incomprehensible words. It was actually a pretty good musician. Toby found himself warming up to the creature… at least until it stole his belt and nugget nummies.

What ensued after that was something like a cross between slapstick and the world’s worst game of wack-a-mole. The gnome eluded them at every turn, slipping out of their hands and through crevices, stealing things all the while, until it ultimately got Jim’s amulet and escaped into its hole.

“Oh come on,” Jim muttered as he foolishly reached his arms into the hole.

“So what now?” He asked, finally giving up and turning to Blinky.

Blinky sighed.

“Well if you had lost or rejected the amulet would have returned to you, but unfortunately as it has been thieved it will not do so.”

Toby choked on his saliva.

“That… seems like a really bad system,” Jim said slowly echoing Toby’s thoughts.

Blinky shrugged.

“It talks about it in A Brief Recapitulation. Not much is known as Merlin was notoriously close-lipped. Fortunately that is not the problem at hand.” He folded his upper arms behind his back and started tapping the lower ones together. “No, our current problem is how to retrieve the Amulet.”

“Well what am I supposed to do?” Jim complained, “I can’t fit in that hole.”

A slight, but concerning, smile formed on Blinky’s face as he tapped his chin.

“Currently.”

Toby wasn’t sure what he was talking about but Aaarrrgghh apparently knew.

“Bad idea,” The Krubera rumbled shaking his head with an apprehensive look.

“No Trollhunter has ever lost his amulet,” Blinky said irritably. “We'll need time to procure the Furgolator.”

“Uh, the Furgolator?” Jim, understandably, sounded concerned.

“Don't you worry about anything, Master Jim! Tend to your studies. We'll watch over the hole.” Blinky said resting a hand on his shoulder. “Tomorrow, you'll return refreshed to deal with this, um… little problem.”

Toby, however, was not about to let it go that easily. Especially not when Aaarrrgghh seemed to dislike the idea.

“What, exactly, is a Fergolator?” He asked, narrowing his eyes slightly.

“It’s a machine we use to compress minerals,” Blinky said. “If the gnome won’t come out, the Trollhunter shall go in.”

“You’re going to shrink me?” Jim yelped.

“Precisely!”

Toby did not like the sound of that.

“Have you tested it on humans before? Or at least animals?” He asked. “Because from what I know, humans do not compress well.”

“Well…” Blinky had the nerve to give them a guilty smile. “No… but I’m not concerned…”

Toby crossed his arms.

Blinky frowned.

“It’s our best option,” He said throwing up his arms. “Do you have any other suggestions?”

Toby glared at him, something unpleasant simmering in his chest. His fingers twitched.

“Not yet, but anything’s better that squashing Jim in a machine that’s never been tested on humans.”

This was his best friend they were talking about.

Jim glanced from Toby to Blinky then quickly stepped between them.

“Woah there!” He held out his hands placatingly. “How about instead of arguing we take a break and do some brainstorming.”

“That sounds like a stellar idea,” Blinky relented with a smile.

Toby huffed and stepped back. He needed to get Blinky some books on human anatomy before the troll went and did irreversible damage to one of them.

~~~~

After quite a bit of discussion it was decided that Jim and Toby would acquire a high powered vacuum cleaner and see if they could suck the gnome and his stolen goods out of the hole. However, as it was going to be dark soon, they would be coming back to do it the next day.

“Well that was… something,” Jim said pulling off his werewolf mask.

For some reason Toby had insisted on them wearing their disguises until they got into the bushes.

“Yeah…”

Jim glanced over to see Toby frowning. His eyes darted around their surroundings as if he was looking for something.

“Toby?”

Toby blinked and refocused on Jim.

“Yeah it was! I can’t believe Blinky was just going try shrinking you like that!” He grinned. “Though if it worked I guess we could have had you go to school in my Sally-Go-Back clothes. You would have looked so cute.”

Jim groaned but felt a smile creeping across his face anyway.

“Maybe we could have shrunk you instead. I could have gotten you a chocolate fondue fountain to swim around in.”

“Tempting but no.” Toby said with a shudder. “I’m already way too short.”

“I like to think you’re fun-sized.”

He shot Jim a mock-glare.

“Hey! That’s my line. Anyway, I’ll hit my growth spurt soon.”

“Uh-huh…”

Toby attempted to punch his shoulder and almost tipped his bike over when he dodged. Jim smirked at his friend and sped up.

“Hey! Get back here!”

The race home left them both winded but Jim didn’t mind. It was nice to have a bit of normalcy for once. It was also nice messing around with Toby, he’d been a bit worried that…

“Oh look, Mom… I mean Dr. L’s home!”

She was. Her blue car had just pulled into the driveway ahead of them. Jim couldn’t help but to pedal a little faster.

“Hey Mom!”

She was just getting out of the car and turned at his call.

“Oh! Hi Jim!”

Jim coasted into the driveway and hopped off his bike to go give her a hug. With everything that had happened over the course of the week it felt like it had been forever since he’d last seen her.

“Good to see you kiddo,” She said returning it.

“Hey Dr.L!”

“Hi Toby,” She said with a smile as they pulled apart. “Are you boys going to be home for dinner tonight?”

“Oh course,” Jim said.

“You sure have been out late,” She continued, retrieving her bags from the car. “Do you have some big school project or something due?”

“Or something…” Toby muttered.

Jim winced, he felt a bit guilty about not telling his Mom about Trollhunting but she had enough on her plate right now. She’d be worried (Terrified if he was being honest with himself). It wasn’t like she could do anything about it.

He frowned, feeling the happiness leak out of him as his hand drifted to his empty pocket.

Blinky had said that if he refused or lost the amulet it would come back to him (unfortunately that didn’t work if he was trying to get it to come back on purpose. Seriously what was Merlin thinking?). It was… It was a little disconcerting to hear just how permanent the position he now held was. No take backs… and yet… he’d never had the chance to accept or refuse it in the first place.

“You okay, Jimbo?”

He glanced to his right to see Toby staring at him, eyes bright with concern. It looked like his Mom had already gone in the house.

“Yeah… I just… I guess I’m a little bothered by what Blinky said about the amulet returning if I reject it.”

Something in Toby’s expression shifted, his gaze becoming a little sharper.

“Do you want to reject it?” He asked tone completely serious.

Jim blinked, a little taken aback.

“I… I don’t know… I mean I don’t really care for the fact that I have a killer troll out to… well… kill me, but Trollmarket’s cool and I like Blinky and Aaarrrgghh… Draal not so much…”

Jim trailed off, frowning, then shrugged.

“Well it doesn’t really matter since I can’t get rid of it.”

He turned back toward the house.

“Come on, I’m going to get started on dinner. With any luck I’ll get it done before the hospital calls Mom again.”

There was a pause and then he heard Toby make a noise of agreement and follow.

~~~~

Toby was in good spirits when he retired to bed for the night

Dinner had been delicious: salmon, wild rice and a nice side salad, curtesy of Chief Jim. They’d called Nana over and the four of them had eaten together for the first time in about a month. Afterward they played a round of Rummikub before Toby and Nana retired to their house for the night.

He’d gotten his homework done and even gotten a round of video games in before going to bed. Unfortunately he should have known his lucky streak would not last long.

It was about three in the morning when Toby’s phone went off. He groaned and groped around in the dark until he found it. Toby hissed at the bright light before squinting at the screen. He groaned again. Maybe he could just pretend he’d slept through his phone going off…

He sighed and sat up dislodging Kracka from his chest. The goblin shot him an annoyed look.

“Sorry,” He said in English before switching to Goblin. *Gather pack. Called for clean-up.*

Kracka immediately perked up and darted off, rousing Bob who was sleeping at the foot of the bed on the way by.

Toby snorted, padding over to the closet to grab his hoody. At least one of them was happy about this.

#Trollhunters #tales of arcadia #trollhunters fanfiction #toby domzalski #Tobias Domzalski #changeling toby #changeling!toby #Jim lake jr #James lake Sr #blinky galadrigal #aaarrrgghh #My writing #My posts #Changeling Loyalties

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adiabolikpastel · 6 years ago

Note

Is it too much to ask A - Z for Kanaye and Yukio? I’m soooo sorry

ABC Fluffy Ask

Okay so this is a looooong one! B / C / E are all answered here all ready. I will be doing them both separate - hopefully that makes it a little shorter? All of them are under the cut ~ enjoy and thank you!

Note: Q is confusing to me - so I will not answer that one. If anyone understands it, and wants to ask it again with the explanation - please do.

Yukio

A - Well… I mean… Yukio is a horny mess sooo… Other than that! Yukio really likes just spending time with Silas. Doing anything really, so long as he’s around. Sure Yukio might complain that he is bored, but really so long as Silas is around he is happy. Typically Yukio will just chill with Silas at his place, watch him play video games, or try to play one himself - badly i might add.

D - Oof… ummm… just together. Yukio is not one for planning ahead. So really he just sees Silas staying with him forever and that’s about it. That thought is actually really scary to him, that the future might take Silas away. So he tends to not think about it.

F- Yes he is. Honestly fights are more like… Yukio stepping too far, pissing Silas off and then him begging to be back in his good graces. I mean like, if they do fight and both parties are upset, Yukio and Silas both are pretty bad at staying mad, when it comes to one another.

G- OF COURSE NOT! Yukio does not think for a moment of what Silas does for him. At least not at the start. It takes him a while to slowly start to care more about Silas’ feelings and how uncomfortable it makes him.

H - He’s not… really honest. There is plenty of things that Yukio keeps to himself, but he doesn’t do it to be cruel. Yukio is bad at dealing with his own emotions, so it’s easier for him to ignore things than talk about them.

I - Aw. Boy does he every~ Silas is Yukio’s saving grace. He grows so much and becomes a better person because of him. Where Silas helps Yukio become more empathetic, Yukio helps Silas toughen up. There are many other ways the two of them change one another, but that’s a story for another time.

J - You really gotta ask? He gets hellaciously upset over small things. Heck, over video games. Yukio is a very insecure person, so if Silas isn’t giving him attention, he’s annoyed. It takes him a very long time to get used to the idea of Silas having ‘friends’ who ‘spend time’ with him. Yukio is known to show up at Silas’ house, and crash anything he was doing with his friends. There is also the unhealthy way of going on a rampage… but yea.

K - What do you think~? Their first kiss huh… that’s a fun thought. It was probably forced on Silas. Yukio was probably a bit drunk off of some blood and smooshed himself into Silas. (Rinna and I will need to talk this over~)

L - Ha! Okay, so.. if you mean the first time he said ‘i love you’ that was on their first meeting? You can read that her: When Yukio met Silas. But if you mean like, when he meant it? Probably a while into their relationship, like a good while, after some fights and some deep conversations.

M - Aw~ Yes he does! He wants to be with Silas forever, and if that means getting married sure! So, I do not think they would officially have a ceremony - that just doesn’t seem like their style. Rinna and I did just talk about this cute - and I mean cute- moment of them basically proposing to one another. And~ Silas is the one who proposes!

N - He calls him Silas-kun, consistently. I don’t really see him doing nicknames.

O - He’s not very different - just very obsessive. His life revolves around Silas. So yes, it is obvious, because that’s literally all he talks about.

P - YES YES YES! Yukio is a big social media celebrity so he tells the world. He has a trending hashtag that is specifically flooded with photos of him and Silas. He is very affectionate in public as well, despite Silas’ discomfort.

R - Not very, unless it’s sexual. Well - hold on now… Yukio will get Silas random things. Like bring him human snacks when he visits, or buy him something he is wanting while they are out. Yukio would do anything to make him happy, not that he would always do it right.

S - I suppose? The two of them do not really have big goals? If Silas wants to do something, Yukio is all for it - so .. Yea?

T - Typically he does, but I think with Silas he is content with just being around him. I believe they both would fall into a cute routine in life, and be perfectly happy with that.

U - Not at first. It took Yukio a long time to get there actually. He believes he knows Silas, but it actually takes him a long time to get there.

V - It’s literally his world. Yukio does not feel strong connections to his family. He does not make friends. He honestly feels that SIlas is all he has. He would do anything to keep him.

W - Since both boys are social media junkies they give each other shout outs all the time on their respected pages.

X - He is the most affectionate. Kisses, hugs, cuddles, butt touches; Yukio is the master of them all.

Y - Badly. He will send Silas a million text, calls, facetimes, pokes, anything to get his attention.

Z - Any length. He would die for him, kills for him, kill him… Im sorry this was a fluff right lol!

☆+ ﾟ .+ .ﾟ.ﾟ｡ﾟ｡. +ﾟ｡ﾟ.ﾟ｡☆*｡｡ . ｡ o .｡ﾟ｡.o｡* ｡ .｡

Kanaye

A - Kanaye is happy going out with Isabella. He isn’t a shut in, so going out with her is what he prefers. He spends enough time at work, rather than out with her.

D - Marriage. Kids. The Kingdom. Whole 9 yards.

F- He is easy to forgive. They have disagreements, but these two do not fight. Kanaye is big on communication, so he will talk any issue out.

G- To some level I am sure he does, but he does not voice it. I am sure he realizes the massive weight he puts on Isabella for all he wants to accomplish, but at the same time, his dreams are unwavering. He is one of those people that is not giving us his dream.

H - He is honest to a fault. Tells Isabella everything. He may not always word things correctly, but he will always tell her what is he feelings, thinking, his past, anything.

I - Yes she has. Kanaye never saw himself being with someone he actually loved. He always assumed he would marry for power, cheat on his wife, and just be king with a queen who meant little to him.

J - Not really? He does get jealous, but he is not obvious about it. He does not like anyone checking her out or hitting on her, but he is classy. A simple display of affection on her, or glare at the other party does the trick.

K - Yes - he has had a lot of practice. You can read their first kiss here: You Get It.

L - You can also read this in : You Get It

M - Of course, he must to become a true King. I am not sure how he would propose - but I feel like Yuko and I have talked about this? Their marriage is the absolute cutest. Hopefully we can post more about this, or feel free to send ask about it!

N - He calls her Isabella, the full name. every time. Except when he is drunk…

O - It is literally obvious to everyone but him. Others can see it in his face.

P - He does not deny being in one - but he is not telling the world. He has a professional appearance to maintain, and expects Isabella to respect that.

R - A sweet boy~ He will do candle light dinners, bring her flowers, chocolates, rose petal baths; all kind of things.

S -To an extent. If it gets in the way of his- than he isn’t really. Kanaye is very driven for himself, and as shitty as that is to say, if Isabella had a conflicting goal he would not be about that.

T - Routines are life. He is more than happy to go out on dates, but he enjoys scheduled events.

U - Very much so. He really loves learning things about her.

V - It’s very important. I believe that as the relationship goes on, he would sacrifice his dreams for her.

W - Kanaye will often ask Spencer for video of her, without her knowing

X - In private, he loves to be affectionate with her.

Y - He will text her often, though she is a dirty girl and will really tease him.

Z - Sure, I mean.. he does something pretty big for her and their relationship.

Silas belongs to @spellboundsonnet

Isabella belongs to @pureblood-prey

#ask answered #ask kanaye #ask yukio #thank you so much

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abella19r-blog · 5 years ago

Text

Journey of Finding out My Son For having Autism

My son Anthony will be turning 5 in October this year, when he was born I remember the first time having him in my arms was the best feeling the world I will never forget that moment. I was in labor for more about 22 hours I pushed for two hours for some reason when ever I pushed him out he will go back in so my gynecologist just cut me a little in one push Anthony came out. when they put him in my chest he opened his eyes just in couple seconds all he did was just looked around staring at me and his father. he didn't even made a peep of sound he was sooo quiet. didn't even cry not one bit. Anthony was so easy to take care off has a baby, he doesnt cry we didn't had any problems with him, he was a very sweet patient easy baby. me and my husband had no problem taking care of him. Anthony still is easy going. But his sister at the other hand only wants me to feed her cries when I dont take care of her. but every child is different and I love both of them. Anthony didn't had problems when I go to work but he does gets excited when he sees me after my shift. Anthony was developing normal I believe he did start to walk around 13 months but people told me boys tend to delay slower than girls so I never thought there was nothing wrong with him. when I fill out a paper work of my son progress in his physical check up 24months I realized at that moment how behind my son is, but when I spoke to his pediatrician she told me he is boy they tend to develop slow. ok so I moved on they recommended to take him to speech therapy. so I did but in the last year my son was not developing or progressing at all even the speech therapist her self wrote on her updated evaluation he isn't developing or have any progress. so I stop taking him, my mother recommended to try to put him IEP where the county public schools put kids who are behind in school early. I waited 4 months for him to get him evaluated from them and they were child psychologist, Anthony was 3 years old at that time, they told me he is normal just have speech delay and he just needed 3 hours of school. they told me they put kids with learning disability in 8 hours classes but because he doesnt have one he just need 3 hours day. ok so I was relieved that there weren't any serious problems with my son. when I start taking Anthony so school he was progressing but not much. it has been a year and my son is still behind, they did an updated evaluation but all they told me is that he needs more help he is still behind that he speaks in 2 years level. and realized ok if nothing is working and my son is still struggling there must be something wrong. I thought my son has dyslexia just like my brother, but the sad thing about my brother is that all these years he have been struggling with reading that he found out when he was in college that he has it. I read that it can be pass down genetically. so I thought my son has dyslexia. so I went to pedestrian she told me he is normal that he just developing slow because he is boy but you need a referral I will give it you . I literally called anybody speech therapist, psychologist to help me to get my son evaluated, I went to social media find out where I can go to get him evaluated. I did my research and dig and dig I find out Nero psychologist specialize in that category. I called one and a nurse told me they can't take my son because they only take 7 years old kids and that he is too young to found out if he has a learning disability. I Told her what you want me to do wait 3 years my son gets worse doesn't get the help he needs and falls more behind. so I Called a diff psychologist they took my son but I had to make two day appt because the evaluation is 6 hours long. so they broke it down each day because he is too young to take a long test. I took my son alone to take the Evaluation my husband stayed with the baby because I know being in a cold room bored will get her to cry the entire time being there.i was explaining to the psychologist about my concerns. had him take the test, I had to take couple of test to answer for my son of his behavior and delay of speech. he told me it will take about 3 weeks for them to email the results of his diagnosis. for the past week I have been checking my email everyday. to see if I have the results yet. when I saw that email and read throughly I thought why they mention Autism there, why is it even mention in this sheet, I read it clearly and realized they diagnosed my son Autism and ADHD. I can handle ADHD to me is just kids being kids just dont give them any sugar or something to get them more hyper because I had that and I grew out of it. But Autims is an other level. people make it seem mostly kids with Autism behavior is very extreme and tbh I seen regular kids behave worse then kids who have Autism. I started to do my research about and all the systems

He can’t respond to his name by his first birthday. ( check tbh I always thought why he never responded saying his name , didn't know it was a big deal to begin with)

Playing, sharing, or talking with other people doesn’t interest him.( so my son )

He prefers to be alone.( check)

He avoids or rejects physical contact.(check)

He avoids eye contact. (check)

When he’s upset, he doesn’t like to be comforted.(check)

He doesn’t understand emotions -- his own or others’.( I believe he doesnt I can't tell much but his psychologist stated he doesn't

Communication

Delayed speech and language skills ( of course check)

Flat, robotic speaking voice, or singsong voice ( I didn't notice it was a big deal )

Echolalia (repeating the same phrase over and over) ( check)

Problems with pronouns (saying “you” instead of “I,” for example) ( omg yes I always thought why he can't pronounce the words right I thought tbh that he tongue was tied that is prevent to say it clear but I was wrong)

Not using or rarely using common gestures (pointing or waving), and not responding to them ( yes all the time he rather do that then talking to us )

Inability to stay on topic when talking or answering questions ( check )

Not recognizing sarcasm or joking ( check )

Repetitive behaviors like hand-flapping, rocking, jumping, or twirlingConstant moving (pacing) and “hyper” behaviorFixations on certain activities or objectsSpecific routines or rituals (and getting upset when a routine is changed, even slightly)Extreme sensitivity to touch, light, and soundNot taking part in “make-believe” play or imitating others’ behaviorsFussy eating habitsLack of coordination, clumsinessImpulsiveness (acting without thinking)Aggressive behavior, both with self and othersShort attention span. ( all of above is my son )

I realized and thought took me a moment that he has Autism and the best thing I can do is be there for him. I told my husband he was in shock because we didn't think or ever thought that he has autism. I told my husband we have to be patient with him and find ways to talk to him . I decided after me and my husband buy a home I should go back to school major in psychology so I can better understand my son and help him too, I want to give my son all the help that he needs so I guide him to high path. Anthony is really good with his hand he tries to help his father fix his car he tries to tie the numb of the tire on the car an other things he loves cars. he has two cars on his own that my brother in law bought for him, he always check the engine cleans his car always keep it in good shape. just have a huge feeling he will want to become a mechanical engineer. I has his mother will make sure I show him or take him to that path where he can do what he loves, get him to school and making sure nothing will prevent him to get there. My prince does have problems with the speech and the language but he is really good with fixing things and he is only 4 years old going to be 5 in October. he is genius in his own talent or gift like Albert Einstein. who people had a theory he had Autism. I have been reading a book called NUEROTRIBES WRITEN BY STEVE SILBERMAN has been helping me understand more about autism. and I am going keep educating myself about it. I still will love and treat my son a normal human being because at the end of the day he is still my prince and he will always be the same boy I raised the last 4 years. I love you and you will always motivate me to be the best mom I can be for you.

#autism #toddlerboy #motherhood #sonandmom #love

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