#and i know it feels a little reductive to just leave it at that

[tinydragondreamer]

oopsies i got inspired by this post to make personal headcanons of roland's joke-flirting with the patron librarians because these have begun haunting my sleep

Firstly, the ones that are very Similar in their reactions:

Angela and Yesod: They are Exasperated. "Roland can you stop talking. For ONE SECOND." (no >:3c). I think Angela responds Once in a very snarky sarcastic way in hopes that it will get him to Shut Up but regrets it INSTANTLY because he WILL double down For The Bit.

Yesod adjusts his tie again (someone's gotta enforce workplace dress code) and roland's like "damn at least buy me dinner first" and yesod gives him a withering look like "i am not lowering myself to your level"

Next is Malkuth and Hod: They're friendly but a little distant about it. There's a clear boundary line and Roland respects that. Malkuth might roll her eyes and go "flattery won't get you anywhere" at times, but they both tend to give very genuine compliments and affirmations in response and while their reactions are definitely not the most Amusing/Entertaining to roland he really appreciates the emotional support

Aaaand Netzach and Chesed are the ones i feel would be the most reciprocating(? idk it feels weird to use that word but i can't think of a better one right now) of the joke flirting. lots of back and forth banter and a very "cheers i'll drink to that" energy. Very chill vibes.

Tiphereth: No. He jokes around with her in a different way, very bastard big brother energy. The type of person who would use you as an arm rest. A menace.

Gebura: He attempts once to joke-flirt with her but she shoots him down with "flattered, but i'm a lesbian" and he's like "cool, understood. so like. women am i right." and that's his workplace bonding attempt with gebura. i think she finds it funny in a "he's a little confused but he's got the spirit" way.

Binah: She'd find it amusing. As a reward for entertaining her she psychoanalyzes him and he's like "ah shit retreat retreat retreat." She finds this just as amusing, this is Her workplace bonding activity now.

Hokma: I find it kind of hard to pin down how Roland and Hokma would interact considering they do so little interacting in-game (Hokma's floor interactions being reserved for Angela for Obvious Reasons). I think like Binah he'd be bemused by Roland's attempts, but like Malkuth and Hod he'd have a very clear-cut boundary line where he's friendly about it, But he's also not necessarily going to play along. So he wouldn't really be the most entertaining and Roland would respect that i think...

...Except there's also the Live Angela Reaction. her bff is flirting with her dad what the fuck??????????? roland of course finds this hilarious.

imagine the power he could wield with the magic words "L+ratio+I fucked your dad" it would never happen, but sometimes he just likes to imagine having the power to able to win any argument with angela.

[world0fmadness]

MY GIRLS

lando norris x large chested! reader

♡ general dating headcanons for lando with a large chested partner!

୨୧ this is a bit shorter than usual stuff and it is very very very self indulgent, sometimes i love my girls and sometimes i hate them! reader is slightly hinted at to have been or be chubby <3

♡ view my formula 1 masterlist here

reading music recommendations: wanderer by little dragon - k.y.s.a. by phantogram - two of hearts by stacey q

♡ he knows how hard it is for you to find bras with your cup size in most stores so he asks you what your usual online store is and always buys you the prettiest and comfiest bras from the site, only wanting his girl to wear the best!

୨୧ sometimes you can feel insecure about your chest not being perky and “ perfect ” and he absolutely hates that you feel that way about yourself

♡ he’ll always make sure you know how much he loves your chest and you as a whole, you’re perfect to him

୨୧ he absolutely loves when you’re having a good day and feel confident to wear shirts that show off your chest, he’ll watch you change into it with soft eyes a loving smile on his face

♡ he’ll bend down and place a kiss on the skin, calling them his girls, making you laugh

୨୧ he goes absolutely feral when they bounce as you walk, he damn near drools like a dog…

♡ he just thinks they’re so hypnotising! not to mention when you wear a necklace with his initial on it and the charm rests on top of them, it just does something to him, it actives a neurone

୨୧ he’ll always help you apply moisturiser on your chest and lower stomach to help with stretch marks

♡ and whenever your back aches, he’ll give you a massage to help relive the tension without you even having to ask, anything to help his girl

୨୧ whenever you’re relaxing in the house without a bra on, he’ll always come up behind you, wrap his arms around your chest and gently hold your boobs in his soft hands

♡ not even in a sexual way, he just likes holding them, they’re soft and squishy!

୨୧ sometimes he’ll gently bite them too, not hard enough to hurt but hard enough to leave small teeth imprints

♡ he says it’s because they remind him of marshmallows :,)

୨୧ he adores using them as pillows too! laying on the couch watching a movie? his head resting on them as your chest slowly rises and falls…

♡ safe to say you’re the big spoon most nights! but when you’re the little spoon, he’s guaranteed to have his hands encased around your chest

୨୧ he knows you feel like you kind of have to wear a bra when in public ( no matter how many times he tells you to “ let his girls breathe ” )

♡ but the second you guys are in a private area like his drivers room, he’s snapping his fingers and telling you to “ get that cage off my girls, now ” with a cheeky smile on his face… and you do, gladly! always letting out a soft sigh of relief as soon as you unclasp it and he gestures for you to sit on his lap so he can massage them

୨୧ sometimes you have days where you’re just really not confident about them at all and talk about getting breast reduction surgery someday and whilst lando would hate to see his girls get smaller and thinks they’re perfect the way they are, if you were really serious about it and it would make you happier, he’d definitely pay for it

♡ but for now, his compliments and love always bring your confidence way up…

[shaevilux]

People knock on Rhoam for being a bad dad cuz he's distant and stern to little Zelda and say how Rauru is the goat (heh) for taking her in like his own daughter. Like Zelda had her real parental connection with Sonia and Rauru. But frankly that's a little reductive.

Rauru literally descended from the heavens, married a priest, started a kingdom. Man didn't really know much strife yet. There's no looming threat of calamity or prophecy yet. Things are peaceful. Things are fine. Things are great. Zelda dropped in during this time, talking about a doom that's going to happen tens of thousands of years in the future.

This sad, lost princess.

Of course any reasonable person would take her in and calm her and tell her she is fine and listen and support her.

Rhoam not being able to be this kind of figure for Zelda is tragic. Just read this poor man's journal entries:

"It has been a year and three months since her mother passed. Perhaps she is held back by heartache too deep to heal. If the Ganon prophecy wasn't looming over our heads, I would tell her to take her time... To wait until she is ready. But our situation is dire and leaves no room for weakness—even on behalf of my beloved daughter. My heart breaks for Zelda, but I must act as a king, not a father. I must order her to train relentlessly at the fountain." Pg 4.

"In truth, I understand Zelda's feelings. Painfully so. She lost her mother, her teacher, before she could learn from her. Ten pointless years of self-training, without so much as a book or note to help her find her way... Those in the castle talk behind her back. And I, her only family, scold her for her shortcomings. No wonder she wishes to hide away in her beloved relic research. I'd love nothing more than to console her... But I must stay strong. She MUST fulfill her duty, just as we all must. Even if she comes to despise me." Pg 6.

"I have been told my Zelda went to the Spring of Wisdom... This will likely be her last chance. If she is unable to awaken her power at Lanayru, all hope is truly lost. If she comes back without success, then I shall speak kindly with her. Scolding is pointless now. I forced 10 years of training on her... and after all that, it seems her power will stubbornly awaken some other way. Perhaps I should encourage her to keep researching her beloved relics. They may just lead her to answers I can't provide. For now, I sit anxiously, more a father than a king in this moment. I sit and await my daughter's return." Pg 7. (He fucking dies and never gives Zelda this bit of closure uuuugggghhhhhhh Zelda I'm so sorry Rhoam I'm so sorry)

It sucks because most people remember the cutscenes (duh it's more immersive and important) and in the cutscenes of the first game Rhoam was mostly shown as being stern and mean to babygirl Zelda, who is closed fists explaining herself to him at the verge of tears. And in contrast everyone in the first royal family of hyrule in the second game treated her with such kindness and we can see how happy she was being there with them.

Rhoam was shackled by duty. By prophecy. By the looming calamity. And from the day he named his daughter 'Zelda' he shackled her as well.

And what does Zelda do with these shackles? She accepts them. She tolerates them. Because she loves her father and her kingdom and knows there's a power dormant in her that can stop the calamity that she must do her best to unlock. She does this dutifully. She does all the training, she does everything that is required.

But it still doesn't unlock. So she tries other ways. She isn't just going after the 'relics' because she's scholarly and nerdy and wants to learn about them. She does it because she's pragmatic. She knows her sacred sealing power isn't present in her. She knows she might not be able to control it or even unlock it in time.

So she tries this alternative approach. The Divine Beasts, the guardians. Ancient tech that was used to prevent the calamity of their time. And she awakened the tech. And her father chose the champions for each divine beast. And they were all prepared. And it's all thanks to Zelda.

And then... Fucking tragedy again. Ganon probably learned his lesson from the last time he was thwarted and immediately went for the tech, corrupting it and turning it against the new users. Against Zelda.

It's never really stated how fast it all turned to shit when the tech betrayed them (or maybe I don't remember) but every account points to it being almost overnight. The champions died. Rhoam died. And suddenly, suddenly Zelda unlocks her sealing magic.

I always always hate the literary trope of using tragedy to unlock a great power that could've actually stopped the tragedy from happening in the first place.

And it's no different in BOTW. I hate that Zelda had to go through all this to unlock her powers.

And then what happens next?

She's stuck in limbo (in an almost mocking parallel to Rauru in the next game with his imprisoning arm) holding Ganon back. For a hundred years.

This young woman had gone through so much only to be trapped with a calamity seeking to destroy Hyrule for a century.

Does she know her father died in the war? Does she know the champions died in battle? Would she know Link would survive in the Shrine of Resurrection? Would she know how long it would all take? The century she would have to wait?

I think she didn't. I think it all happened too fast. I think ultimately, she decided a stalemate with ganon was an agreeable outcome. I think in her mind she probably thought she failed Hyrule. When the divine beasts turned she must have been distraught. Distraught might not even cover it tbh. But at least... At least when the kingdom was brought to it's knees by the corrupted tech and was waiting for the final blow, she had the ability to ensure the final blow never came.

And oh boy I have a looot more to talk about regarding Tears of the Kingdom. But I do want to have a couple of more playthroughs of it to really formulate what I want to say.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 425: New Normal

Previously on BnHA: Everyone was all “and with that we conclude our final battle for better or worse!! We will now commence our slow return to the new normal, beginning with our protagonist and deuteragonist who are miraculously more or less intact, albeit exhausted and mildly traumatized. Also the words ‘more or less’ are kind of doing a lot of heavy lifting there.”

Today on BnHA: The Big 3 and Aoyama are OUT. Shinsou is IN. The Tododrama is PENDING, and the mysterious figure in the shadows is UNIDENTIFIED. Also class 1-A finally becomes class 2-A and it only took them 425 chapters and TEN LONG YEARS. Can you imagine if this series had actually run throughout their high school experience like people once expected. “THE YEAR IS 2044 AND MY HERO ACADEMIA IS FINALLY WINDING TO A CLOSE.” There’s an alternate universe somewhere where this actually happened and we were all so very, very tired.

This is once again a shorter than usual reaction summary post, as opposed to my typical page-by-page liveblog. Not gonna have time to do those for a while yet most likely, but like hell am I gonna miss out on the last days of the series, so here we are.

Once again basing this off of @pikahlua’s spoiler translation summary here!

watching the eighteen inch tall Rat Principal standing at a podium overseeing this graduation ceremony is surreal in the most wonderful way. it’s like receiving your diploma from a sentient Funko Pop

I love how they established that Mic sitting there screaming at the top of his lungs is also a beloved U.A. graduation tradition, and that the senpais just roll with it while everyone else is in varying stages of trying to decide if it’s too late to transfer to another school

ngl sometimes I forget that Ochako and Toga were actually the second canonical f/f ship in this series. shoutout to Hadou and her adorable girlfriend whose name I absolutely cannot recall

absolutely wild that Horikoshi gives credit to Rat Principal for coordinating the entire disaster recovery nationwide. are you serious. the “world-famous” Principal Nezu?? you’re telling me this little capybara is effectively the secret president of Japan now or something. when does he even sleep

“the principal made great contributions to quirk morality education” is also a VERY interesting tidbit that I really want to know more about. “hey guys what if we did a better job at teaching people not to be dicks with their quirks” AND JUST LIKE THAT JAPAN WAS SAVED huzzah

“we lost many things, but we gained nothing” is both HILARIOUS and soundly depressing, but I can see what he’s trying to get at. still an odd choice for a graduation speech though. “our job is all about harm reduction, and we couldn’t even do that this time around, but in the future we hope to balance things out and maybe even get some net positive impact going!” lmao. again it’s all true, and in all honesty it’s spectacular that they managed as well as they did, all things considered. and I guess it would have been disingenuous to just ignore the reality of everything this particular school body has been through and pretend like everything is great right now. but I still can’t help feeling like there was probably a more inspiring way to get this message across lol

regardless of what he says, Aizawa 100% either bribed or threatened Rat Principal behind the scenes in order to stay with his class. and will do so again next year. he can and will keep getting away with it. he is never leaving these kids

and the sheer relief from all of them upon hearing it is all the justification he needs. these kids have four thousand nine hundred and seventeen accumulated traumas among them. they don’t need a four thousand nine hundred and eighteenth. this man is their father ffs. MINA WAS CRYING AND EVERYTHING

Kacchan watched that YouTube video about a dozen times until he managed to tie his tie all on his own with the one hand. and he did an amazing job. he’s such a model citizen now

also it looks to me like he has his right arm hidden in a sling underneath his shirt, which is interesting. if I’m not mistaken (and I very well could be, since it’s been a hot minute since I did any BnHA timeline math), the final battle took place sometime in early May, so this chapter is taking place roughly one month later. the hospital chapter took place about a week after the battle, so it’s been about 3-4 weeks since then. I really want to know what kind of shape Kacchan’s arm is in, but I guess Horikoshi will get to it when he gets to it

also, “we all gotta be together today” was a real wakeup call to me in that it gave me just an absolutely ridiculous amount of feels. just a totally unreasonable amount. and it’s like. listen, self. Kacchan has completed his character growth arc. he’s a team player and a leader who loves all his friends and they all love him in return. we’ve known this for years now. it’s an established fact. you can’t keep bursting into tears or whatever every time he shows it. this is no way to live your life. I need an intervention

anyways later this evening class 2-A is gonna have a celebratory movie night in the common room, and Kacchan is gonna fall asleep two minutes in peacefully surrounded by all his classmates, and they’re all gonna nudge each other and smile fondly and cover him with a blanket and stay up until 2am and Aizawa will have no mercy on them the following morning. it’s gonna be so wholesome you guys

(ETA: I decided to go back and have some more feels about this one tiny Kacchan panel, because apparently the four paragraphs I already wrote about it weren't enough. so the thing is, Sero's wonderment at Katsuki being out of the hospital initially read to me as half bemused awe, and half "oh boy, time to get back into our usual rhythm of antagonizing Kacchan!" but my second time around, I can't help remembering that all of Kacchan's classmates got to watch this kid getting tortured and strangled and stabbed through the heart in 4K. like, even if they were busy with their own fights at the time, there's no way they didn't see the footage later on afterwards.

and that had to have been traumatic for them. their friend literally died and was just lying there so still for so long afterwards. and him getting better and going back to his usual asskicking self later on doesn't just erase those memories, you know? especially with him having lasting, permanent damage afterward. not just his arm, even! like who even knows if his heart is going to be okay long term. when people get organ transplants they have to go on immunosuppressants afterwards because otherwise their body will try to attack the replacement organ. so I wonder how exactly it works when it's still your heart, but it's being held together by various bits and pieces of a spindly little floss man. idk, but I bet you it's still pretty rough.

anyway so long story short, I'm now reading this as one-third bemused awe, one-third joking antagonism, and one-third genuine "no seriously, is it okay for you to be here, please don't do anything to put your health at risk because we seriously cannot handle you dying on us again." and Kacchan's not even disagreeing with him lol, which has to be the most concerning thing of all. "they said it's okay if I rest." even he knows he's pushing it, but it was too important of an occasion to miss. anyway please take it easy kiddo.)

Aoyama leaving makes me sad but it makes total sense for his character after what he’s been through. he needs time to sort things out and continue down his own personal honor-regaining journey. respect

also glad to hear that it was his own choice and that both Rat Principal and Nao would have supported him if he stayed. I still to this day do not understand Naomasa’s actual level of authority lol. like, he’s supposedly a detective, and yet he seems to be personally in charge of every single important police operation, on like a national level. and he has the authority to make decisions like letting Aoyama go free. he is the law, literally

Aoyama trying to feed Deku some farewell cheese also took me out. like he just walked in there and was all “sorry everyone, I’m leaving, but I’ll still aim for the path of a hero and will one day return, don’t you worry!” and at some point in the midst of this tearful speech he made a beeline directly to Izuku and tried to give him some cheese that he apparently just had in his pocket or something. and Izuku was all “YEAH!” all solemnly but HE DIDN’T EVEN TOUCH THAT POCKET CHEESE. like he loves you and accepts you for who you are Yuuga but COME ON

at this point in the chapter it also became clear to me that Aizawa has his hair up in some sort of loosely assembled messy bun and that’s why it looks so especially flowing and gorgeous today. this is great cinema

and then AT LONG LAST, the admission of Shinsou into class 2-A. they tried everything they could to keep him out, BUT NOT EVEN THE END OF THE WORLD COULD STOP HIM. his rightful place

Ojiro’s scandalized response to hearing Fuwa refer to Aizawa as “Era-sen”, and then Fuwa subsequently revealing all of Aizawa’s secrets and Aizawa getting flustered and kicking her out, was one of the most delightful sequences I’ve read. “nooooo don’t tell them that, what the hell am I gonna threaten them with now”

Izuku has not even attempted to crack a smile since the final battle, aside from when he was frantically trying to reassure Kacchan in the hospital. I’m worried about him but also loving this a little bit, ngl. I am content to wait for you to eventually have a proper breakdown, mister Greatest Hero

also I singled him out on the whole not-smiling thing, but really this is true for just about all of them. my heart aches :(

were there really so many people freaking out over Izuku’s hair that Horikoshi felt compelled to throw in that “HEY DEKU-KUN, YOU SHAVED YOUR HAIR LIKE THAT DUE TO AN INJURY, RIGHT? BUT IT’LL GROW BACK, RIGHT!?” line in there lol. the hilarious thing is that this chapter was already in the books before 424 was released, so it means that Horikoshi anticipated the backlash ahead of time. the man knows his audience

and now for this mysterious little barefoot man randomly emerging from some rubble somewhere. who are you. fandom already thinks you’re everyone from Tenko to Hisashi lol. my personal theory is that he’s just a random citizen who’s hurt and traumatized and needs help. and unlike what happened with baby Tenko once upon a time, this young man actually will be helped by a hero in his moment of need, and it’ll be all hopeful and stuff because SOCIETY IS CHANGING FOR THE BETTER NOW HOORAY

or maybe he really is Tenko, idk. what do I know lol. don’t listen to me

lastly, Shouto out here immediately leaving U.A. after class and ruining my dreams of a class 2-A movie night. FINE THEN. GO AND BE WITH YOUR FAMILY my precious little life preserver. and I’m actually really, really excited to see what their endgame is actually, so yes, Horikoshi, bring it on please and thank you

[sergle]

OKAY GREAT!!!!! I can relax now thank you so much to everyone who donated and spread the post around, especially considering I had to do it TWICE!! I was pretty sure that people would be sick of hearing about it when I had to do a second gofundme, and that I’d run into all kinds of issues, but that just didn’t happen. also I wouldn’t have started the fundraising in the first place if a few specific people hadn’t pushed me towards it, so thank you for that, too. I’m gonna be able to get riddy my tiddy, and it’s entirely bc of this support!! I don’t know HOW many more years it would’ve taken to save up the money on my own, but it was starting to feel like grounds to give up.  the basic plan, to reiterate: I’m going to get my reduction scheduled for sometime in the fall, when it’s cooled off a little! I’ll know more once I’ve been able to have an in-person consult w my surgeon.  the idea in my head is “half the weight”, so hypothetically, that would leave me somewhere in the DD cup zone!! It could end up being a little bigger or a little smaller. regardless, it’s going to feel so so so much better on my back/shoulders.  as things schmove along, I plan to post updates, even though I haven’t decided how detailed the updates will be. but I’m selfish and this is going to be the only thing on my mind, so you’ll be hearing abt it regardless of whether that’s what you wanted. tl;dr thank you, you’ll hear more details when I have them!! also here’s the guillotine pic again because I think it’s really funny.

[thewickedkat]

long post incoming; meta enthusiasts may wish to digest this in chunks.

i am so completely exasperated with Laudna as of the latest episode. however, i temper that exasperation with my enjoyment as a viewer; indeed, i am feasting on the conflict, thinking finally, some good fucking food, because i think (and have always thought) that Laudna is terrifically interesting as a character and she presents wonderful opportunities for growth not only on her end, but as a catalyst for others.

that being said. the sword. how she handled it. how she handled her own trauma bubbling up, how she handled (or didn't) Delilah, how she handled Orym and Chetney and Dorian and the whole miserable mess she made.

it was selfish. there. i said it. you may disagree with me, i care not, but her course of action was terribly selfish and destructive.

i know many people out there have been likening her behaviour to that of an addict's (and there are many common factors there: the hiding, the lying by omission, the shame, the acquiescence to bad behaviour), but i think in some ways that to do so is reductive, and also removes agency from Laudna herself.

she is allowing her trauma to almost make her decisions for her, allowing it to define her, and she is not giving herself the opportunity to realise that growth beyond it is possible--or, perhaps, she does realise this and is simply too afraid to reach out and grasp it. i think even if Delilah weren't trying to subsume her, Laudna would still be self-sabotaging and self-destructive and still try to hide the parts of her she felt were undesirable; Delilah in many ways simply makes it easier for Laudna to do so and, if pressed, provides a rationalisation for Laudna's choices and actions (as in 'it wasn't me, it was her, she made me do it).

first and foremost, Laudna was a victim of heinous trauma, being murdered and then being put on grotesque display. then she was further traumatised in coming back from the dead and being forced to isolate herself from people for many years, with only Delilah's honeysweet venom dripping into her ear for that time. then she is murdered again as an object lesson for the woman she loves, then stuffed down so deep into her own psyche by the one who first killed her; she is fought for and brought back by her friends...who then seem to do little to check in with her, to make sure she is stable, or coping, because they each have their own baggage and oh by the way, the world is possibly ending. to be fair, there is little time for therapy and stability when you are literally running from crisis to crisis and trying to stop something you haven't even conceived of in your nightmares.

she feels dismissed, often, minimised, and she never developed healthy people skills or coping mechanisms (i am sorry but as much as i love Pâté, a dead rat does not a support group make). so she lashes out, has poor emotional regulation, and Does Crappy Things. so i also understand when she said 'what else have i to give, but myself?'

all that being said. what she did with Orym and the sword was fucking selfish. she is behaving like a child, as if she is the only one whose tragedies matter; she's playing Oppression Olympics, and can i just point out that Orym was the one to say 'i'm sorry' but Laudna never apologised for accosting him while he slept and hurting him? saying 'i didn't mean to hurt you' is not the same, because that implies that if she had not hurt him, stealing from him was perfectly acceptable and reasonable.

i don't believe her when she said 'i accept responsibility' because that means one must accept the consequences of their own actions, and right after she said that, she argued with everyone, told the oldest member of the Hells that he had no right to talk about loss to her, and then fled. that isn't accepting responsibility; that is mouthing platitudes in the hopes you will sway others to your point of view and when it fails, leaving in a huff like a child having a tantrum.

she didn't even bother to ask Orym why he kept the sword. she just tried to take.

Laudna often reacts from a place of fear: of pain, of more trauma, fear of inadequacy, of loss. all of these fears are valid. they are understandable, given all that has happened to her. but just because her fears are valid does not give her the right to make others pay for her emotional baggage. this is what makes her behaviour in ep 95 selfish. all of her actions in the back half of that episode are things she chose to do, and now she must sit in the mess she made. Laudna seems to be falling into the same mental rut that many victims fall into when their trauma isn't dealt with in a healthy fashion: they start fucking others over, as if being a victim excuses it. it does not.

and before others come for me, i say that as one who used to do the same fucking thing but i was lucky enough to have therapy. Laudna doesn't have that luxury--none of the Hells do. there simply isn't time to make space for any of their issues, not just Laudna's. Imogen is still wrestling with her mother; Fearne is wrestling with her parentage; Orym is just trying to keep his feet under him and do what he feels is right without betraying anyone he cares for (yes, including Laudna, shut up); Ashton is still trying to process the loss of Fresh Cut Grass (for gods' sakes, the crafting night was a fucking wake for the lil guy); Dorian just lost his brother and watched his friend succumb to a Betrayer God that turned her into a monster; and Chetney? Chetney is an old man who, i personally think, can pick his battles and knows how to compartmentalise better than any of these kids.

Laudna is not unique in that she has suffered horribly. no one is saying she hasn't, but her behaviour implies that she believes they are saying that. her actions imply she believes not only that she does not trust her friends (thanks, Dorian), but that acknowledging others' losses somehow negates hers. there just isn't time to healthily process any of this, which sucks. it does. i do think her friends love her, care for her deeply, and i think part of the reason they haven't checked up on her as much as they could is because a) they're afraid that her problem with Delilah is much worse than they thought (duh, it is); b) they can't fix the Delilah Problem right now even if they were qualified to do so (even Pike couldn't scour that bitch out of Laudna, she said as much); and c) they run the very substantial risk of wholly alienating Laudna if they press the issue too hard, thus not only losing an asset in the fight against the Vanguard and Ludinus, but also a friend and lover.

it's shit, all around, we all know that. but to pretend that it's okay she did what she did to Orym--or worse, somehow transfer responsibility from her onto him and make it his fault--is infantilising and disingenuous at best, and more than a little insulting.

[angelbaby-fics]

i was just wondering if you would do one with (little reader with cg!stucky) being sick with covid ? because i have it right now…fever, cough, horrible body chills, body aches, struggle to breathe….it would mean a lot 🤍

Sick Day

Word Count: 1.1k

A/N: My darling, I'm so so sorry this took so long!! Hopefully you've gotten all better by now but for anybody who needs it I hope this can provide some comfort!

You woke up coughing, every muscle in your body contracting as you tried to catch your breath but to no avail. Steve and Bucky came rushing in as soon as they heard a change in your breathing pattern, their enhanced hearing tuned specifically to you. They were at your bedside and soothing you before you’d even opened your eyes. Bucky sat you up and rubbed your back while Steve fluffed the pillows up behind you.

“Easy baby, easy,” Steve whispered.

“We’ve got you doll, just breathe.” “I can’t!” You choked out.

Bucky held your arms up above your head, breathing deeply and encouraging you to follow his lead. Steve fished his phone out of his pocket and texted Bruce. Living in a big compound with all your coworkers definitely had its perks when it came to times like this. Your on-call doctor and beloved family friend was already in your room by the time your cough had quelled. Each breath you took was shallow, the hot air scraping through your lungs like sandpaper. 

Bruce held a device to your head, some sort of Stark invention that scanned your body inside and out with a nearly magical ease. Your temperature was skyrocketing in your daddies’ very hands, and it broke their hearts. When your diagnosis came up on Bruce’s screen, he tried his hardest not to change his expression, but Bucky immediately noticed his facial features make the tiniest shift. “What is it? What’s wrong?” He asked, hoping his desperation wouldn’t scare you and make your breathing worse again. Bruce shifted the screen over to show Steve and Bucky, who were thankful you were too small to read right now. Even though it had been obvious to them what you were stricken with, the symptoms all too telling, they had naively hoped it would be something easier, something mild, a 24 hour bug you could power through with the aid of the best medicines money could buy. But the five letter word across the screen confirmed their fears. 

You weren’t like Steve and Bucky. You weren’t genetically enhanced like them, you weren’t at the pinnacle of health like them, and you weren’t invincible like you believed they were. They felt that right now more than ever, with you shuddering in their arms, glancing between either of them with baleful eyes, suffering in the place you should feel safest. Bruce tried his best to calm their fears, and thus, yours.

“Hey don’t worry you guys. According to my chart here, we’re all up to date on vaccinations.” Then he turned to you, grabbing your warm hand in his. “Besides, you’re a tough kid. You’re gonna fight this off like a champ!”

You smiled for the first time that morning. 

Steve looked down at you, mirroring your gentle smile. Bucky, however, kept his eyebrows furrowed. He’d spent his entire childhood helping Steve whenever he got sick, but he felt so helpless now. 

“I’m gonna head back to the lab real quick and get the medicine, shouldn’t be more than two minutes.” Bruce said, getting up and leaving.

You started to suck on your thumb before Steve took it out of your mouth and replaced it with a pacifier. He smiled at you, his blue eyes crinkling, and looked over to see Bucky scowling.

“You couldn’t have stopped it, Buck. Babies get sick, that's how it goes sometimes.” 

“I know,” Bucky replied, “that doesn’t mean I have to like it though.”

A minute later, Bruce knocked on the open door as he reentered the room. He shook a bottle of pink colored liquid in his hand.

“A teaspoon of this at breakfast and another before bed oughta do it. You should start seeing a reduction in symptoms within the next 24 hours.” Your face scrunched up at the thought of yucky medicine twice a day.

“I know, right?” Bruce smiled at you. “They say it’s ‘strawberry flavored’ but I think whoever said that has never eaten human food before.” That cheered you right up. You always loved the way Bruce laughed and joked with you as if he were one of your peers instead of your daddies. 

“Thanks, Bruce.” Steve said, and Bucky finally broke his scowl to give the doctor a tight smile. Bruce didn’t mind, he knew how protective your Baba could get, and that it wasn’t a reflection of the quality of his medical services. 

“Always, Cap.” Bruce replied to the both of them, and he began to head towards the door again. “You know the drill, call me if you need anything.” Then he turned to you. “Get well soon, superstar!”

Now that it was just the three of you again, the excitement of a friend’s visit wore off, and you suddenly became aware of the deep ache in your bones. You slumped back against Bucky’s torso, and he snaked a protective arm around you. 

“Don’t wanna be sick,” you mumbled, your energy draining by the second.

“I know, babydoll.” Steve replied. “The sooner you take your medicine, the sooner you’ll start to feel better.” “Don’t wanna take medicine either!” You said slightly louder, anxiety twisting your voice into a whine.

“Shh… I know, baby.” 

“No you don’t! Daddies never get sick!” You cried out with a pout.

“That wasn’t always the case.” Bucky said, a mischievous grin breaking through his gruff mood. “Your daddy used to get sick all the time! And guess who used to take care of him.”

Bucky pointed a thumb towards himself.

“Really? Baba was takin’ care of Daddy?”

“It’s true!” Steve said. “Before we met Bruce, Buck was the best nurse I ever had!”

“And just like you, he’d have to take yucky medicine, even when he didn’t want to. Sometimes it took a lot of convincing.”

“How?” You asked, the discomfort in your body taking a backseat to your delight at being regaled with stories from your Daddies’ past.

“Well…” Bucky glanced over at Steve, waiting for an affirmative nod before he went on, “I would keep peppermints in my bookbag, so Stevie could always have one to get the taste of the medicine out of his mouth.” Just as expected, your eyes went wide.

“So if I takes my medicine I gets a candy?” You asked excitedly, making both the men smile and laugh. 

“How about this,” Steve offered up, “Every time you take your medicine, you can have a piece of candy, as long as you’re honest and tell Daddies if it makes your tummy upset, okay? And when you’re all better and have no fever, we’ll take you for a special day out with just the two of us as a prize for being so brave!”

[boxturret]

George's 1/10th scale Mata Nui Tour

This is a follow up to my previous post about a piece of concept art that depicts the island of Mata Nui as being 1/10th size it is officially listed as in most later maps.

I must first say that I was blown away with the positive reception that post received! I did see some concern that it was now too small, but I believe that's mainly down to how absolutely MASSIVE the final size is. A 90% reduction in size by no means makes Mata Nui small.

But I know not everyone has spent as much time obsessing over the size of Mata Nui as I have, so I decided to enlist everyone's favourite Ta-Koronan George to help illustrate how large this "small" Mata Nui really is.

I scaled the image of Mata Nui so that it matches the measurements on the side, so it is roughly 35km long and 17km wide. I also made a simple height map to get the Mangai volcano the appropriate 2km high.

I started out with just some simple pegs at the locations of the villages to first illustrate the basic distances.

George here starts out at the location of the iconic beach from MNOG and the end of QFTT

The beach is actually shockingly equidistant from most of the villages, Ta-Koro is closest at 2km, Ga-Koro is second closest at 6km, but the other 4 are all between 11 and 13km from the beach!

Here's a little animation to show the size of the pins, they're by no means small.

They had to be this big to be visible at all, which just goes to show how large the island still is even at 1/10th scale.

I did several shots of George standing on the edge of the Mangai's caldera. I extracted the villages from Bionicle the Legend of Mata Nui and scaled them accordingly, placing each of them where the village should be. See if you can spot them!

From the top of Mangai its 20km to the tiny islands at the very tip of Po-Wahi.

And 13km to the end of the chain of islands in southern Le-Wahi

The view of the Mangai volcano is quite impressive from the villages too. Even at this 2km height its still around 2/3rds the height of Mt Fuji or half the height of Mt Kilimanjaro.

My heightmap could use more work, the Ihu mountain range isn't really apparent, I was mainly focused on getting the Mangai at the right height.

Here's what it would look like if Onu-Koro wasn't underground.

I hope these visuals helped to show the size of the 1/10th scale Mata Nui. I really do feel it is more in line with what we see from most media and fits well with the story.

Even with this size there's one thing to remember: Raw size isn't everything. Terrain matters a lot. Its easy enough for someone now to walk a kilometre or two over straight paved roads, but considering that Mata Nui is a lush volcanic island, half the place is covered in a jungle full of massive trees and swamps, much of it is very hilly and steep, this isn't an easy place to get around in.

I'll leave you with two things: first is an old animation I made of a zoom out from Tahu on top of the full final scale Mata Nui:

This is the most I can really do with an island that scale, blender doesn't appreciate having a view distance in the hundreds of kilometres while also rendering something human scaled.

Second is a comparison between the island I've just shown you overlaid on top of the full scale.

The whole island itself has a footprint roughly the same as the full scale Mangai volcano!

Hope you all enjoyed George's vacation photos. Good night and/or happy May :^)

Slight addendum: A while ago I made this little sketch of what a view from the top of Ihu might look like, looking at all the regions. Just wanted to include it. good night

[zarvasace]

If you're still taking writing prompts- could we see some Shatterproof Legend? Maybe with him struggling with weather or not he wants to use an aid?

Sometimes aids can have drawbacks for the first minute or so (such as being weird until your body is used to it again, or puts a little extra pressure or weight on the person using it)

afaik canes are particularly bad about this. I still need to get one so this isn't personal experience but.

~500 words :)

---

It's a good day for Legend—almost. It started without much pain at all, but now he's sitting in the cart after a shift pushing it, using a knife to cut up a block of cheese and handing it out to everyone for lunch on the road. 

Legend aches a little, but he doesn't strictly need to be here in the cart. In fact, his chest feels heavy with guilt about being here, and he's already made up his mind to get out as soon as possible. Hyrule is dealing with an injured shoulder, so his cane is less useful right now, and he's sitting on top of a pack of two. Four’s napping off some exhaustion, and definitely deserves it. There's room for about one more person, and while Legend is taking up that space right now, he sees Wind trailing behind, exhausted due to the same trip down a waterfall yesterday as Four. 

The problem that keeps Legend’s mind occupied is that all of his joints ache. The question isn't about whether he'll get out of the cart, but if he wants to use his cane. It'll help relieve pain on his worse leg, but it'll make his shoulder hurt more, and put a lot of strain on his better leg. He's miserable just thinking about it. 

But damn if that'll stop him. When everybody has eaten their fill of cheese and bread, Legend tucks the food away and hops out of the moving cart. He leaves behind his pack with everyone else’s, but brings along his cane, still undecided. 

Legend wanders to the back of the group and hits Wind’s shoulder for attention. 

Wind looks up, scowling, but Legend nods to the cart, and Wind’s expression relaxes. “Oh. You, uh, noticed?” 

“I'm paying attention,” Legend says quietly. “Go on, you need it.”

“Well, if you're insisting.” Wind shrugs and runs to catch up to the cart. He launches himself inside and takes the little space left with a relieved sigh. Hyrule greets him with a grin and an enthusiastic hello. 

Legend tosses his cane back and forth between his hands, walking a bit more slowly than he should be to keep up appearances. He sighs and decides to do what he can—he puts his cane in the right place in his hand and falls into the familiar gait, already feeling the strain on his shoulder and opposite knee. 

Suddenly, Warriors is there next to him, signing. “And what about you?” 

“What about me?” Legend scowls. 

Warriors just raises an eyebrow. 

“I'll be fine.” Legend flaps his hand as if he could wave away Warriors’s fretting. “Stop giving me that look. This is about cost reduction, not elimination. I know how to keep my mouth shut, Wind would be complaining all day.” That's a bit uncharitable of him, and they both know it isn't quite true, but it's better to blame Legend's selflessness on that than to call it what it is. 

“It’s a late start tomorrow, then,” Warriors says. It means he won't argue with Legend’s decision. 

Legend shrugs. “Yeah maybe. Sorry.”

“Cost reduction,” Warriors repeats, nudging Legend with his elbow.

[starlight-bread-blog]

"Katara Just Needed To Heal Zuko's Scar"

I understand why this argument is being made. After all, she offered to heal Zuko, and so she does. So why are the shippers trying to paint it as some romantic moment? It's a reasonable question. But I'm gonna try to answer it.

Zuko and Katara weren't in love in this scene for two reasons: Firstly, it's their first conversation, making any romantic development feel rushed and unnatural. Secondly, as fictional characters, they don't possess hidden feelings, unless the writers have confirmed otherwise.

So what argument is being made? The argument is that this moment is an example of ship baiting and could have served as romantic build up if the writers decided to go down that route, and I'll explain why.

1# Just because an action was necessary, doesn't mean it can't be seen as romantic

I know how this sounds, but hear me out. Let us take a look at another show, where you'd least expect to see a romantic connection, and the action was completely necessary. I want to discuss Rick and Morty's Beth x Beth.

Beth is the last person who'd have tension with Beth, clearly it's disgusting. And she really did have to install that chip. But the thought did cross your mind, they did get together, and this scene was romantic build up, despite not being romantic in-universe.

Now that we've looked at the most extreme example ever, it's time to look at a classic: Aladdin. One of the most iconic moments in the movie is when Aladdin simply offers his hand to Jasmine so she'd get on the flying carpet, asking "Do you trust me"?

Aladdin isn't asking if Jasmine trusts him because they're deeply bonded, he asks that because she's scared to get on the flying carpet. And he isn't reaching for her hand because he wants to hold her hand, he reaches because she'd needhelp getting on it. And yet, it's universally recognized as an incredibly romantic moment.

Very often writers use the mundane necessities like casual touch to set up romantic tension. This narrative approach allows for the gradual planting of the idea in the audience's mind, even in situations where intimacy may not be overtly present, adding nuance and depth to romantic storylines. And in fiction, it's everywhere.

2# The set up wasn't just necessity, it was an intimate moment

In this section I won't try to prove the gesture was romantic, I simply think it's crucial to understand the scene before analyzing it. Katara offering to heal Zuko's scar wasn't a necessity, the touch was the necessity after she already made the offer. This leaves us with a scene that begins with Katara thinking of Zuko as "the face of the enemy", and ends with Katara attempting to heal Zuko's scar.

The moment became intimate the second Katara brought up her mother, and Zuko, who doesn't normally share his emotions, make and effort to connect. Thus, they began to view the other differently, as someone similar to them.

Still, this is their first conversation. And Katara is under no obligation to be even somewhat nice to him. But she decides to use her spirit water on him, and if she had, Aang would have died. That's how important the spirit water is. Saying she "just needed to heal is scar" is quite reductant in my opinion. Choosing to heal him in and of itself is a radical and intimate decision.

Still, non of what I said so far is indicative of romantic build up. Nor is giving other examples from fiction of necessities being romantic indicative of this one being too. So, it's time to finally talk about the touch.

3# The action wasn't actually necessary, to the point where it makes very little sense

Let's remember how Katara did heal using the spirit water:

She bends the water straight on Aang's back and starts bending it. I repeat: She bends the water straight on the injury.

So writers, please do tell me, if Katara wanted to heal Zuko's scar, where is the water?

No water and no healing, becsuse it wouldn't look as intimate/shippy with water. Instead, what we got is two shots highlighting the pysical touch between them with soft violin sounds in the background.

In literature, what isn't in text isn't important and should be disregarded. Here, on paper Katara is healing Zuko's scar, but in practice there is no water and all of the focus is on the touching. Therefore, it's signaling the viewers that even though she just needs to cure him, it isn't important. With Katara's thumb on Zuko's lips, with a close up shot on the contact, the only thing that matters is, apparently, their pysical touch.

Additonally, they were interrupted before Katara could do actually anything anyway. In a universe where this scene wasn't ship teasing, Katara would take out the water, almost lay them on Zuko's scar, and then Aang and Iroh would break them out of the cave. Logically, Katara's hand shouldn't have gone anywhere near Zuko, and if it did, it should have looked incredibly unappealing.

But it didn't. In this already very intimate moment, the show puts all the focus on the pysicality of the healing, rather than the healing, and breaking its own logic to do so. Thus, they made it look a lot less like a simple necessity, but rather an act of pure intimacy, as often done in fiction when portraying romantic tension. And that's why this scene was ship baiting.

[m1ssunderstanding]

Get Back Rewatch 55 Years On: Day Three

Literally saw the orange sweater and my heart sank. Here we go.

George's hair!! I hate him.

Also literally WHY does he have to lend them his own personal recording equipment? It really is ridiculous how bad the record company treated them considering they were the fucking BEATLES.

Magic Alex! Honestly though why is half of me like "Yes! Scamming king! Take their money and RUN!"

"My Imagination" is physical cringe level.

"The rhythms in the guitars anyway." It's a callback to their earliest days when they had to say that to hustle, but I think part of them really did believe that back then, and part of Paul still does. That the four of them are all they need.

And then in response to that callback to early days to convey current not-articulable feelings, John responds with one of his own. His mini rant about how stupid it is to use three mikes and never come together and sing as a GROUP. It's like he can't bear the thought.

Paul singing his guitar and drum ideas. Apparently my sexuality is women and unhinged men. There's nothing to be done about it. Poor George literally can't get a word between all Paul's "Downownownowneernernerner" and "chuchuchutah ba Ta. Ba." And if I was a good person I'd be annoyed. But no. It's too hot.

"Corny's alright on this one though because what he's doing's corny." Be fucking nice to him. He needs you to be like you were on 909 about every single thing he does because he cares so much what you think. Of course they don't talk about that kind of thing so Paul has no idea. But look at his face!

I also like "the same old shit," George. "Don't Let Me Down" is so fucking sexy idgaf what anyone says.

But here's the other thing is that John is SO down for all of these wrong suggestions Paul's making. If they're not literally saying the same thing at the same time, it's instantly "Yes. Exactly. Yeah."

So John says "alright girls" and sounds like he's just so above Paul and George squabbling and bickering and couldn't care less except for the fact that they're annoying him. Because that's his macho front, right? But then look at his face while they're fighting, eyes darting and full of love, sorrow, and what honestly looks like fear.

Ringo stays the hell out of all of it. Good for him.

Shortly after Paul says "I can't frickin do it on camera either" John starts strumming. And soon George joins, while Paul's pacing and gesturing. And at first I was confused like "they're not being very good listeners that's not very nice" but they're trying to cover up the dialogue for Paul's sake. Trying to take away the cameras if he can't do it with them. "Forget about candy camera." It's very loving, very protective, especially from George. John, we expect this kind of thing from, when it comes to Paul. But George is literally in a fight with him and protecting him at the same time and I find it to be so beautiful.

Gosh, there's so much in this little rant though. "I always feel as though I'm tryna put you down and stop you playing *voice cracks and goes higher* but I'm not." How he looks at John when he says "and I never get any support or anything" and the "and you know it's right." I usually find the 'Paul's the mom, John's the dad' analogy reductive, but boy is it perfect here.

But really, Paul, you've got to just let George do his thing. "I can only do me, you know." George is absolutely right in this argument. He's actually very emotionally mature for being the youngest.

Ugh it's hard to leave them on this note. But I'll pick back up tomorrow

[ludinusdaleth]

You're honestly so right re: adaptation bc I think people cannot process that outside of a DND medium absolutely nothing in CR.... Works. I won't pretend I'm not critical of some decisions but folk act like they've never seen an adaptation before????? Even among good adaptations I don't think these people could even survive the HDM series.

hdm is honestly a really good pull because i would consider that the pinnacle of "objectively good adaptations with just enough changes it makes me squirm a little". i personally really dont like how they modernized the setting. or leaving out the part of the lost boys funeral where lyra screams at them for not respecting his dead fish/daemon. or how slow wills plot is in s1.

but it is beyond that a good adaptation. it hits and expands on every theme and plot point. i couldnt really ask for a better one.

i think lovm is presently infinitely better than hdm in hitting what matters. i dont like every part of it - i wish keyleths guilt-anger was developed more, or that her & vax werent so damn difficult conceptually to portray without problems any way you slice it - but im pretty stunned by everything else. i like c1 enough but i think a lot of lovm elevates it. ripley is more interesting to me here personally. i love how they changed the dawnmartyr subplot. and i like that it can mash future developments & the larger world in without it feeling forced and in fact adding to the scale of vox machina's heroism. and im really excited for expanded geopolitics & larger focus in m9's adaptation too! because i know things physically could never be a 1/1 in any adaptation, of anything, on planet earth. it would be boring, reductive, & at times even ignorant of modern politics if they did. i very purposely didnt come here to watch vm as it was and it surprises me that folk did. i ask m9 animated to be different. i ask bh animated to be different. maybe they will all misstep but it's all made with love and that is functionally all that matters to me. folk act like this is some wolverine origins deadpool level butchering when all i see are tweaks that dont matter to folk who are patient and dont obsess over every detail to a point of possession.

i just.... really, really dont get the anger over adaptation. i never have. the source always exists. just go to it, problem solved. if the literal creators are involved in the adaptation i do think they generally know what they want more than fans ever will and they have the maturity in creation to understand how to adapt a medium and compromise through that.

[soapssuds]

Wriothesley x New Inmate ! Reader Pt. 2

Warnings | wrio slightly stalks reader (but in a good way to get to know them), grammatical errors, etc.

Over the past month or two, Wriothesley noted down the things you liked, what your favorite foods were, what you liked doing, and how you spent your days during your free time. Sigewinne would also say how he was being "weird" and "creepy," bur Wriothesley honestly didn't see it like that.

Sure, maybe the normal thing to do would be asking you directly, but .. he could never bring himself to talk to you.

You make him that nervous!

He could always try putting up a front and make it look like he was confident when speaking to you, but ... he also doesn't want to intimidate you and scare you off. That was the last thing he needed.

"You do know she only has a week left on her sentence. What do you plan on doing if they decide to head back up to the surface?"

Wriothesley patted Sigewinne's head, "you sound more worried than me."

The small nurse huffed, "well, seeing as how you aren't doing anything with this crush of yours... of course I'm worried! Are you seriously going to wait to confess when someone else manages to sweep y/n of their feet?!"

Wriothesley shook his head, "Listen, I have everything under control. Don't even-"

"Sir?"

There was a knock on his door. Both Wriothesley and Sigewinne looking at one another before Wriothesley cleared his throat, "what is it?"

"Y/n wishes to speak with you, do you want me to let them in?"

Ah-

Sigewinne gave him a tiny smirk, "now's your chance, your grace."

Wriothesley sighed, "let them in."

And that was when Sigewinne took her leave. Though, she did give Wriothesley a small thumbs up when she passed by y/n, and once the door closed behind y/n - Wriothesley couldn't help but to notice how his hands began to sweat.

"Y- y/n, what brings you here?"

He silently cursed himself for stuttering, and quickly calmed himself down.

"Oh, nothing much your grace," you said slyly, "I just wanted to bring up a little problem I've been having."

"A problem?"

"Yeah, a problem with someone here."

"Someone has been bothering you?"

"No, no - its not like that... it's just," you sighed dreamily, "he's been following me around lately, and it's obvious he has feelings for me, but he hasn't bothered to say anything."

He felt a vein pop, "oh? Then why don't you say something to him?"

You smirked, "I am."

Ah-

He coughed a little and readjusted his tie, "o- oh... how long have you noticed me?"

"Ever since you given me a reduction on my work ours and better food."

He laughed a little, "since the beginning then. Wow."

You settled up right in front of him, head titled up and a smile on your lips, "so, got anything to say, your grace?"

"Yeah... want to go on a date with me?"

"Gladly."

requested by @mitsumina12345

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

Hi Mara,

I wanted to say that all of your writing feels extremely genuine, and I am inspired by the honesty and detachment in your retrospective posts, especially when talking about personal—external—influences. I rarely hear others say that their interest in X is simply gone, or admit that they like(d) Y because the ‘context’ seemingly urged them to. A pattern I often notice instead is personal attachment and the unwillingness to let go of ideas and things which no longer resonate or never really have in the first place.

I wish it was easy to distill all of one’s experiences and likes, remember why and how they came to be, be honest as to how one felt about them, separate the wheat from the chaff, and arrive at something that feels truly genuine and ‘you’.

It feels reductive and probably comes with projection on my part, but that’s the impression I get.

Hope the storm didn’t affect you and your family too much.

Good morning, anonymous--thank you very much for such a kind message!

I wrote about this more vaguely in last months subscriber post, reflecting on "how nothing seemed to scare me" lately and how baffling it seemed that people thought Stephen King's Apt Pupil was a terrifying horror story, and incidentally had been thinking about this during the period of having power but having no internet after Hurricane Milton--I had all these videogames I tried to play but realized they all felt completely boring and uninteresting without something to listen (my favorite streamer, my favorite podcast) to while playing (and in turn, that I needed to be doing something somewhat stimulating while listening to something); I had all these anime shows I could be watching, too, but again little interest because they were all just dead boring--and all I could really manage for myself were to read Henry James and rediscover my old Longmont Potion Castle collection to listen to until internet came back;

but, I don't know how much the genuine 'you' matters; I think about something a sculpture professor told me about the hippies and an adage they had that went kill your parents, and the professor added that it was meant not (always) literally, but to disentangle yourself from 'the origin' or: maybe: the most sacred and profane feelings you see yourself as being a-part of;

realizing I basically have zero interest in being an artist might have been a big hurdle for me to disentangle from way-back in Wilderness when I had some ego-fear of losing my identity as Marabarl and what that entailed: divulging everything about myself, being self destructive, seeming crazy, and using it all as oil to art--severing that all seemed like it would drive me more lonely and leave me with nothing but some bare-dry stick of a person that'd few people would be interested in (but glimpsing at this idea also spoke to how 'being an artist' had little to do with my own desire and more to do with maintaining 'connection' with 'invisible others'). I don't know if killing my parent there had left me a more true version of myself, but it severed connections I mostly kept entwined by wholly out of fear of the loneliness or of letting go of a familiar rot and pain. I'm far more boring than the older Mara, because really now all I'd like to do is go to my weekly sandwich shop, cook, clean, read, listen to audiobooks, be monotonously religious, and try to write bad fiction that I never finish because I keep rewriting the same few parts for months at a time.

There's a quote from a book I finished a few days ago, For Thy Great Pain Have Mercy On My Little Pain, by Victoria Mackenzie, that I really loved:

"When the day begins, we say that it is breaking. So with my life. Part of me had to be taken into pieces before I could truly start to live. For in my shewings Jesus had said, 'I shall shatter you for your vain passions and your vicious pride; and after that I shall gather you together and make you humble and meek, pure and holy, be oneing you to me.'

My will was broken and I am glad of it. I am only a thing that moves this broom and sweeps the curled leaves and corpses of insects from one side of my cell to the other."

Each layer of myself, as it seems with age, starts to seem more-and-more to be a vanity that I hold to myself well-after it has separated and shed, out of fear and comfort for the more simple figure that is underneath--morosely, I start to really believe the purest part of my-self comes with death when all has been shed away wholly and the carcass is left as the most simple and un-connected atom of Me, and for others: when the Left are shred out to ash and the Right are ate up to heaven; tears and emotion for the dead, too, a type of vanity over wishing that lost other to not be gone from the identity yet though it is truly just another vain callous now shed and clung-to: Dieth and Daniela who I keep getting mad at in fear of letting go-of;

but even in more simple ways--remembering old loves towards things like Narutaru and not wanting to let go because of how fond and warm they felt just a few years ago, and keeping that old passion around like it were furniture that had gone decrepit past any real function except favor; although, during Hurricane Milton, again between time of Power but no Internet, I rewatched some of FLCL and .hack//sign and wished I could be rewatching Hey Arnold's scary episodes--cause really no-matter how much I think I'm capable of letting go of things that seem all vain, boring, and worthless to the simple self, I am a simple creature who wants comfort in the familiar and to things I've loved and felt loved by. And, luckily, I still love Boogiepop! (I think it's easier to keep a love for those things around because they don't really remind me of bad-times as Narutaru does, but I'd like to always keep an effort to keep Hiroko and cute little Ensof in my heart)

Take care.

[satureja13]

While the others met again to work on their strategy to remove that spell from Ji Ho, Kiyoshi and Jeb went down to the Sanctum. Sai is a in a bit of a rush to leave soon because every day they spend here is expensive as hell. Plan is to keep the costs low so Jack and Kiyoshi thought they'd purify the Sanctum and consecrate the water in the basin, Kiyoshi and Jack had involuntarily desecrated... Jack went with them to clean up. Hopefully this will soothe Ms Coombes anger and she'll give them a reduction. And after a few hours, they are nearly finished. Jeb: "You look tired, Kiyoshi. Let's call it done, hm?" Kiyoshi hugged Jeb, because that's what they obviously do - and Jack tried his best not to be jealous. Why should he even be? Kiyoshi and him are just mates! Kioyoshi: "You look exhausted too. Thank you for helping us." Jeb: "I'll go and check on the others. I have some ideas I want to discuss. Join us later?" Kiyoshi: "Ok. We'll finish this and meet you then." This is going to be a long night.

Kiyoshi gathered his remaining powers. Jack was supposed to mop the floor but he watched him in awe. He forgot about his jealousy. Kiyoshi is not from this world anymore. No matter how much he claims he's nothing special. And Jack gave up on love anyway. He's more than happy Kiyoshi and him managed to just be mates and that they were able to prosper - and leave their painful times behind them. It just feels good to be near him. That's all there is.

Kiyoshi was ready to leave but Jack looked at the door he spotted during their first visit down here. Kiyoshi: "You still want to know what's behind it, do you? Let's take a quick look?"

Jack: "Ms Coombes will kill us, I bet she's already looking in her crystal ball to monitor us." Kiyoshi: "This place beyond the Veil is not that easy to enter, not even trough a crystal ball. She's not here, so she can't see anything. And if, I'll tell her I coaxed you in, hm?" Jack: "As if she'd believe that!" Kiyoshi: "Come on, just a quick look. We are going to leave soon and if we don't look now we're never going to find out otherwise!" Ms Coombes was right, Jack does have a bad influence on Kiyoshi...

The closet behind the door is tiny! Kiyoshi tried to squeeze himself in: "Uh, that's tight inside here!" Jack held him firmly: "Feels like being trapped in a trash compactor! Keep pushing! You're almost there!"

Kiyoshi finally managed to press himself inside and they closed the door ö.Ö' Jack looked around: "What might be in these boxes?"

Kiyoshi was so close to Jack, he felt a solid bulge in Jack's trousers... Kiyoshi: "Um?" Jack: "What? No! That's just the ore I found the other day! Look!" Jack took it out and Kiyoshi closed his hand around it. Kiyoshi: "Oh! I've never seen anything like this before. I wonder what it's called? And what it does?" Jack: "Huh? It's throbbing now, that's new..." And then it got steamy in that little closet ö.ö

Because that ore is called Romantium.

When it was over, Jack stumbled out of the closet. Shocked. He started to hyperventilate and crumbled to the floor. Kiyoshi: "Jack. I'm sorry - I didn't mean to... Please, get up."

Jack started to cry: "Gods - what have I done! Not only did I desecrate the Sanctum - again - I also desecrated you! A diety! I should have listened to Ms Coombes and kept my distance to you!" Kiyoshi: "What? No! I told you I'm nothing special. Please don't say this. You did nothing wrong." Kiyoshi doesn't know what to do. They woohooed! How could he have done this to Jack after all that had happened between them! Jack even fell in a coma because their relationship - he - wrecked him! And now he's even blaming himself for what happened behind that door!

And while he looked helplessly at crying Jack, Kiyoshi noticed something. Kiyoshi: "Eh, Jack, don't you feel something odd about you?" Jack sobbed: "Sure. Always. Gods, Sai will kill me if he finds out! He warned me! I'm so sorry!" Kiyoshi: "No. Not this. Your arm! The last spot is gone!" Jack looked at his arm, bewildered: "What? Oh! It's gone?!" That was all it took to distract Jack from the closet incident. Now he feels it! The pain is gone! Completely! After all these months! Almost a year after he broke up with Kiyoshi, the last painful spot is gone! And not only the spot - also the symptoms of the heat! Jack: "Does - does that mean ... we woohooed ... and now you're - my Alpha again?" Kiyoshi was shocked: "I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't mean to. I should have resisted. But the pull was too strong. That ore... and the atmosphere down here..." Kiyoshi wanted to add '...and you' but that would only make Jack blame himself and cry again.

Jack looked in the mirror behind them. He can't believe he feels so good right now! Maybe it's not that bad? Jack was suffering for almost a year now under that searing pain, and on top of that, the heat made his life even more of a hell after that lightning struck him... right in his chest. Jack: "Kiyoshi. Let's not make things weird between us, hm? You took the pain from me and released me from this heat thing - that also affected Jeb and Vlad. And made Ji Ho and Sai rage. And if you're sure I didn't act ... eh ... kind of blasphemous towards you? We could just say you helped a mate out?" Kiyoshi was almost lost for words by the way Jack's brain jumped from one thought and emotion to the other, but eventually he smiled and said: "Eh, sure. I was glad to help my mate out."

Jack: "Aouwww, look at me! All shiny and new!" Kiyoshi laughed. They will get over this too. Things are different now between them.

Jack looked at his - their - reflection in the mirror again in awe. He likes what he sees. (Their hands are almost touching <3)

... Mirror ... Reflection... Jack's unstoppable brain just jumped to the next idea. Jack: "Kiyoshi. The reflection!" Kiyoshi understood immediately: "Let's find the others!"

- to be continued...

'Closed off from love, I didn't need the pain Once or twice was enough and it was all in vain Time starts to pass, before you know it, you're frozen, ooh But something happened for the very first time with you My heart melts into the ground, found something true And everyone's looking 'round, thinking I'm going crazy, oh

But I don't care what they say I'm in love with you They try to pull me away, but they don't know the truth My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love You cut me open Oh yeah

Trying hard not to hear, but they talk so loud Their piercing sounds fill my ears, try to fill me with doubt Yet I know that their goal is to keep me from falling, hey, oh But nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace And in this world of loneliness, I see your face Yet everyone around me thinks that I'm going crazy Maybe, maybe'

Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love

Outtakes

Kiyoshi knows it's never a good sign when your partner says 'we need to talk' ö.Ö

From the Beginning 🔱 Underwater Love 🔱 Latest

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[2hoothoots]

i was having a chuckle to myself last night about Gristol, and how his plans are basically:

Restore Ford Cruller's memory

Find Maligula

???

Profit

but then... of course they are, right? this is Gristol we're talking about. Fatherland Follies drives home again and again that he's still operating on a child's logic, a warped and reductive version of the world that he never bothered to grow out of. both of his memory vaults center on the images of his childhood, this idealized version of the past that he clings to no matter what. and that's still how he remembers Maligula, too - as this saviour figure, who rushes in to help him when he's in trouble.

[ID: Two slides from Gristol's memory vault, Glory to Grulovia! Left: Gristol clings to Maligula's back as she summons waves to sweep away his assailants. Right: Gristol and Maligula waving from a balcony as the people cheer. Gzar Theodore brandishes a dagger in the background.]

like so much else, Maligula represents a return to this idyllic childhood - to the peace and simplicity of his youth, when he was free from worries and responsibilities. in his mind, he doesn't need to make any further plans - once Maligula's back, everything will go back to normal. Maligula will make everything better.

...is what i thought, but then i remembered this line:

[Screenshot source. ID: Gristol, in Truman's body, bows on his hands and knees in front of the newly-awaked Maligula. The caption reads: "Yes, High Priestess! I am here to correct the mistakes made by my father!"]

and that's kind of interesting, right?

to be clear: this happens directly after Maligula sees Helmut-in-Gristol's-body, and recognises him. her line before this is:

"Little Gzesaravich! Have you come to pay for your father's sins?"

my first thought was that Gristol hadn't expected to still be in Truman's body by the time he managed to find Maligula, and this was him trying to placate her and buy some time until he could explain the situation. but watching the cutscene back, that's clearly not what's happening here. Gristol is answering as himself, and his response of throwing himself to his knees before her is, as far as i can tell, genuine.

so what is going on here?

in Fatherland Follies, there's this line in the ride narration that stuck out to me:

"Why didn't the Gzar help Maligula in her time of need? No one knows, but historians agree - it is Gzar Theodore's biggest failure."

other lines mention Gzar Theodore's "mistake", and it's wording Gristol himself echoes in the screencap above. evidently, he believes that his father abandoned Maligula, leaving her to her fate at the hands of the Psychonauts, and it was that mistake that lead to them being driven out of the country - that mistake which he seeks to correct. maybe he even feels like he has a debt to repay to her for his family turning their backs on her all those years ago.

the 'High Priestess' thing, though - that's kinda weird, and threw me for a loop the first time i played the game. it took me until my second playthrough to connect the dots, and remember how the room in the Lady Luctopus - Gristol's room - was full of Delugionist scribblings and symbols.

[Screenshot source. ID: left, the walls of the hidden backroom in Gristol's hotel suite, covered in scrawlings of eyeballs and Maligula's name. Right, the pinboard from the hidden backroom. On its surface are photographs and newspaper clippings connected by pieces of string.]

i mean, look at this stuff! he had a whole conspiracy board and everything!

we learn very little about the Delugionists and their beliefs as a whole during the game, but i think drawing the connection here suggests two important things. one: that Gristol was in deep with this stuff. i don't know how he linked up with them - maybe via old family connections, or just good old-fashioned digging (we know he's skilled at worming his way into peoples' good graces, after all) - but it seems likely that he's begun to internalise their ideas, maybe even warping his own memories of events. and two: the Delugionists themselves are, if you'll pardon the pun, pretty far off the deep end.

like... i understand why PN2 didn't go heavy on the "mass-murderer cult worship" aspect of things, in the end, but man this is such a tantalising glimpse into the wider mythos around Maligula. Gristol is proud and haughty and thinks himself above everyone else; the fact that his first reaction seeing Maligula is to throw himself to the ground at her feet says so much about the way he's come to see her. he's not just trying to bring back Maligula, his childhood bodyguard. he's trying to bring back Maligula, the High Priestess of the deluge, the semi-mythical figure whose supporters believe even death couldn't stop. he doesn't even flinch at the way she confronts him, and maybe it's because he's bought in so completely to this deified figurehead, this idea of Maligula; more a living force of nature than a person. and it all comes back to the same place: an abdication of responsibility, not just to the person who protected him when he was little but to this avatar of floods and destruction. Maligula will make everything better.

i'd write more about my thoughts on the Delugionists but that'd be taking a hard turn into speculation, and this is already kind of long and rambling so i'd better end it here. but what an unexpected and evocative line, right? it's some of the only stuff we have to go off of regarding the Delugionists as a whole, but i think it does such a good job of hinting at the wider story - at teasing another layer to the mythos surrounding Maligula, one whose ripples we see throughout the game but which never quite breaches the surface.