#and i know i shld let it go and just be free have fun!

[miragecounseling]

i want to make more oc x canon ships for gw2 but everyone i think of i want to pair with canach

i cannot have a 50 person canach polycule!!!!!!!!!!!

[sakasakiii]

hi!!! how long does an average panel of one of your comics take??

i love your work so much!! it got me into silmblr hehe

HI NONNIE!!! thank u sooooso much for checking in and for ur lovely ask! it means a lot to hear that my silly ol scribbles were what introduced u to the glorious landscape that is the tolkien fandom! on tumblr no less!! i hope you stay a real long time, and have a blast while you're at it 💖💖

now onto your question! that's some good food for thought uhhhh i can try to estimate?? its been a while but i shld have some rough ideas abt each that i can share! the time frame each comic/panel takes is highly dependent on WHAT kind of comic it is. i hv two kinds of comics I usually do: 1) full-length, and 2) goofy/4koma.

i have a few full-length comics laying about in my archive, but my most recent one/best example is Ghosts which was around uh.... 7 pages excluding the bonus panels! in terms of the process, i usually divide it into 5 stages:

Drafting: this is either the fastest stage OR the slowest depending entirely whether i know what im doing LMAO,, if i have a set idea for what i want to happen, i might get drafts done in a few hours, but if i flounder, it can take a few days 🤔

Lineart: relatively simple enough once i hv the draft down, so id say anything ranging from an hour to half a day if theres nothing else going on irl

Block colouring (main actors): there are DEFINITELY easier and more professional ways to do this with mass-selection and the lasso fill/bucket tool, but idk how to do that on SAI (my art program) so i colour everything by hand HAHA which makes the process longer.... half a day to a day?

Shading: THE WORST!!! definintely my least favourite bc i find it tedious due to all the details/prettification of elves that i am legally obliged to pour into this stage 😭😭 as a result, it can take days!!!

Background + Lighting + Final Rendering: similar to the previous stage haha it just depends on how much effort i wanna put into the final product looking nice. roughly a few days? it kind of meshes with stage 4 anyways haha

just for fun, i hope this process gif for page 6 can illustrate that 👇

these are just rough estimates, bc all in all, the time it takes so finish a page is really dependent on how free I am hahaha. Also, I usually work on full-length comics like Ghost which have more than one page all at once, which means I drafted all 7 pages at once, then did the lineart for all 7 pages at once, coloured at once, shaded rendered bla bla bla 😚 iirc, i think it took me 11 days in total to finish Ghosts before the end of June last year!

For goofy/4-koma, its usually just one page with less detailed/more cartoonish/chibi character styles so it takes a day or two days at most! again, it all boils down to how free i am hehe

YEAH SORRY THIS ENDED UP BEING AN INFO DUMP but thank you so much again for asking and letting me ramble! <3 i ended up having a lot of fun looking back on my drafts n thinking back on my processes.... theres defininitely room for improvement, but thats another worry for another day heheh 😎

[iseebeautyinwords]

right my wrongs : ✶ | shuri u.

pairings : ex!shuri x ex!reader

warnings : possessive!shuri, mean!shuri, toxic!shuri (she's changing guys)

summary : shuri struggles to get her priorities straight, but she knows her top one is you.

taglist : @rxcently @verachii @shurislover @saintwrld @playhousedistee @jnkgrnde @shuriszn@youralphawolf72 @zaiiwrotethat @prettymrswright @naomis-daydream @ihearttish @pinkwright @inmyheadimobsessed @zayswriting

notes : this is actually so ass, idk if this shld be a series pls lmk

shit.

shit.shit.shit.

those were the only thoughts going through your mind as you watched the scene before you unfold. the hard liquor in your system and the bright strobe lights made your already pounding heart pound even faster. you knew you should’ve stayed home, you should’ve declined riri’s sweet offer to wind down, have fun, and forget. but how could you forget if the exact thing or person you were supposed to be forgetting was right in front of you.

shit.

you watched with wide eyes as your ex girlfriend held on closely to a gorgeous brunette, one who was currently shaking all she had on the panthers lap. you weren’t mentally prepared to watch this. so you walked away. you made your way to the bar and ordered whatever drink sounded the sweetest and strongest. you downed at least three glasses before making your way back to the dance floor. you needed to forget, forget shuri, forget the relationship, and even forget where you are. you started dancing the beat of the music, the alcohol pumping through your system letting you close your eyes. you felt a soft presence behind you and you giggled a bit. dancing with the stranger who’s name you learned was robyn. she was a tall dark skin girl. she wore a gorgeous afro and a beautiful blue set. you and the girl danced as they songs changed and the rhythm moved. your ass was pressed against her crotch and her lips against your neck. it seemed as if they night would actually turn to something good, which was much needed.

you turned around to ask the woman behind you if she was free this afternoon, but the following words that filled the air were not your own. “may I borrow her” shuri’s words may have sounded polite but her tone made it clear it wasn’t a question. you watched as the girl in front of you nodded and walked away. the next hands to touch you were cold and clad in metals. “hello, sithandwa sam” your heart melted at the words, forever longing to hear her call you something so endearing. you almost let yourself lean into her touch but moved away. "do you need something shuri?" you tried to look up into the girl's eyes but they were being shielded by a pair of gold shades. "I missed you" your eyebrows rose at the sentence and immediately they sat back down in a frown, only deepening when you noticed the smirk plastered on her face.

"missed me? forgive me if I'm wrong, but the last time we spoke you were kicking me out of your precious lab with the words 'stop acting like a godamn child, if you feel so neglected then just leave.'" you spat her words back at her face, the night those words were directed at you had almost been a month ago. and you had done just as she said, packed up your belongings and left. the following days consisted of shuri sending you long messages, and gifts and practically begging for you to give her a second of your time. but you didn't, you had pushed through so many times with her were you felt as if you were the third person in your own relationship. if it wasn't for her being busy at the lab, she simply ignored you opting to parade around with her friends, friends you had told her made you uncomfortable, friends who constantly push boundaries, and you were sick of it. you knew shuri could love, you knew she loved you but it was getting harder and harder to believe with every ignored text, missed date, and unkept promise.

you would have given her a chance but she knew better, when the two of you started dating you had told shuri about your past relationship, one where you were being constantly cheated on right under your nose and her knowing that and still treating you this way made the act unforgivable. shuri let out a sigh before quickly hooking an arm under your legs, picking you up, and walking across the room and towards the exit. "shuri what the hell! put me the fuck down!" the panther ignored you moving quickly and only stopping when she reached her car. "are you fucking kidnapping me? what the fuck put me down you insane bitch!" you were smacking and hitting her as hard as you could and all she did was laugh. "I'm not kidnapping you, I wanted to apologize in a more private space" she set you down and opened the car door, you looked between her and the vehicle before huffing and sitting down in the passenger seat. not even a breath later you could feel her open her own door and sit next to you. "speak, and fast. I was hoping to see someone later" at least you hoped robyn hadn't ran away.

you noticed shuri's features hardening at the mention of the broad from before. "I just want to apologize, and sincerely. You mean so much to me y/n and I was and still am so stupid for the way I treated you. there is no reasonable excuse or explanation for the things I did or the words I said." she took a breath and took off her shades, and what you were met with were bloodshot eyes. "i know i fucked up, i wish I knew it before it happened but I know now, and i will do anything, anything. to get you back. I'm taking a break from my lab, I've cut off all those other women and I've started to get help, to get answers for not only you, but for myself, so i can understand better ways to deal with problems rather than just hurt the one i love the most." you listened to her quietly, your lips slightly parted as you took in her words.

forgiving shuri was something so hardwired in your brain, so constant that it became muscle memory that when you stop and think of the gravity of the situation and the legitimacy of her words you have to ask yourself if you plan on forgiving her because you believe in her words, or because you’ve gotten so use taking her back. “listen shuri, i can’t say i forgive you. but im willing to give you one last chance. we can start off as friends again and you can try to regain my trust but i wont make it easy for you. i was really hurt and disappointed by your actions.” shuri’s head nodded as you spoke soft shine coming into her eyes as she practically lunged over to hug you. “thank you so much y/n, i’ll do anything to right my wrongs”

[thirsty-x1]

The Interview I | Kim Yohan

|| Part 2 ||

Request:

Hi! Can i req. for a yohan smut one shot that is based on the fake casting porn genre? imagine broke student yohan looking for a job and his friend offered him a job for “modeling” but when he went to the interview (the fem reader is the interviewer) its actually for a porn company so at that moment he will decide if he shld go for it or nah bc hes unexperienced but since hes broke, he went for it and smut happens bc its the main part of the interview. this is too detailed hahahahaha

Worry not! The more detailed, the better ^^

↬ Pairing: Yohan x fem!reader

↬ Genre: Smut, slight Comedy (?)

↬ Warnings: explicit language, oral sex, fingering, protected sex.

↬ Word Count: 2.2k

↬ A/N: I changed the title eight hundred times and will probably change it eight hundred times more so worry not.

“I’m at the address you told me but this doesn’t look… Very professional…” Yohan’s suspicion seemed to grow the more he examined the building.

“Hey, you need the money yes or not? You just have to go there, record for a bit, take a few pics… You are handsome, I’m sure it will go well.”

“Why aren’t you here? You said you would help me.” He complained once again, a hand brushing his hair back a few times.

“I had to attend a meeting but good luck, yeah?” And just like that, Hangyul hung up on him.

Was he really going to do that? Sell his looks without even telling his parents? He needed the money but didn’t want to worry nor trouble his family asking for it, so when Hangyul offered him a job as a model it looked like the perfect opportunity. But now, being there… Sure, he used to be an ulzzang and all, but modeling was pretty different from all that. He took a deep breath, straightening his posture and finally going in.

Eyes roamed the inside of the building. At least it seemed clean, although it was quite different from the modeling agencies he was used to see, but that might be because it was starting off. He looked for the office number that Hangyul had told him until he finally found it, sitting on one of the chairs right in front of another three guys. At least he wouldn’t have to wait much.

“Sorry, but do you know what the interview consists in?” He leaned in to ask one of the guys, who smiled brightly back at him.

“Ah, you just have to undress and then they will make some personal questions to you, but it’s just that. It’s not like it’s an amazing job anyway.” Yohan nodded, feeling slightly uncomfortable at the idea of having to expose his body, but it made sense since usually the advertisements showed the guys’ abs and such.

He waited patiently, putting on his earphones and listening to some music whilst he observed the rest of the boys go in, be there for some fifteen minutes and get out, their hair slightly ruffled and clothes messy. Maybe they had to change and get their hair done inside to show off different outfits. Finally, a woman opened the door and called for him, nervousness filling his system again.

As he got inside the room, someone was cleaning the floor, the woman that had called him before fixing her make up on a small mirror before fixing her eyes on him, smiling wickedly. He sat on the chair that was in front of the table, his fingers fidgeting.

“Do you have any kind of STDs?” The question shocked him a little, was that what they asked in interviews nowadays? How was that even relevant for modelling?

“Uh, no, I don’t…”

“Do you have a type?”

“T-Type? Of what?” The woman scanned him before licking her lips and standing up, her hand touching his chest and he shut down.

“I’m talking about your taste in women.”

The door opened suddenly as you breathed heavily, staring at the scene in going on in front of you before sighing heavily, dropping your bag on the desk as you pulled your friend aside.

“Can’t you just follow the procedure? I swear you will be getting fired if you keep that up.” Yohan was even more confused now, what was even going on.

“That’s going to be his job anyway! Why can’t I have some fun beforehand?” The older woman winked at him and Yohan just wanted to run away in that exact moment. “Anyway, I covered you so finish with him and wait for the next ones.”

You nodded and signaled her to go away as you took a seat, grabbing the papers and staring at Yohan whilst reading his data.

“Sorry about that. So you are Kim Yohan, 20 years old, clean… Oh, Hangyul sent you?” He nodded quickly in response. “Ah, I see, you must be good then. Let’s proceed, do you have any experience?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand what you are asking…”

“Is it your first time acting in porn videos? I’m sure you have watched many but that doesn’t count as experience.”

He opened his eyes wide, mouth wide as he moved his hands frenetically trying to explain himself, but the words would come as blabbering. You simply waited for him to calm down, giving him a glass of water, his face flushed red. It was kind of cute to see him react like that and the laugh was becoming hard to hold back. Finally, he seemed to be able to put his thoughts in order.

“I don’t– I didn’t know this was a casting for p-p… p-…” “Porn.” “Yeah…”

You nodded a few times before clapping once and walking towards the door, opening it for him. His eyes flew from you to the desk and you again, considering calling Hangyul right then and maybe killing him later.

“You can go if you want, it’s completely good, and these things tend to happen when pranking each other.” There was a little bit of annoyance in your voice, how come he didn’t notice? “You didn’t hear anything? The girl before me tends to make rather physical and loud interviews.”

Oh. Oh. Realization washed over him: the building, the undressing, the personal questions, the guys leaving before him… He felt rather stupid right now.

“I-I need the money…” You felt some guilt at his response and maybe also a little identified, after all that was the reason why you were there as well.

He stood up suddenly, taking off his jacket and throwing it on the floor before his hands went to grab the hem of his shirt but you stopped him, your turn to be surprised and wide eyed to his actions.

“W-What are you doing?”

“One of the guys said that we have to get undressed for the interview, so…”

“No, don’t– Keep your clothes on. That’s what my co-worker does, I don’t do that so you can relax. Sit down and let’s talk a bit.” You went back, sitting on the desk as he sat on the chair again. “Are you virgin?”

“N-No... But I haven’t had much practice on that either.” His cheeks blushed again. You let out a sigh, everything becoming quite more difficult.

“My boss would kill me if I hire you, understand? If you at least had more experience in personal sexual relationships then maybe I could have let it pass, but…” Yohan could feel the opportunity slip off his fingers. It was good money, and it wasn’t like someone would recognize him nor anything like that if he did.

“Help me, please, just– Teach me what you know, or let me prove it to you! I’m good at learning fast, I just need someone to guide me.”

Thoughts were running wild on your mind. Hangyul had talked to you about him, his story, how hard he worked to make his dream come true and not bother his family at the same time, so you felt a little bit sorrowful for him to have to go there. It wasn’t a proud job, you weren’t sure to even call it a job… You considered it a bit. It was true that you had some experience, at least more than the one he had, and especially when it came to the business he was about to get inside of.

“I’m not sure, I feel it might be better if you–” He was in front of you in a flash, his trembling hand on the side of your face before leaning in, giving you desperate kiss.

“Please.”

His soft plea against your mouth, his hand still gentle resting on your cheek, his hair tickling your nose. Arms around his neck, you kissed him back, his hands going down to your hips as he placed between your legs, his raging boner already evident, making you smile. Typical beginner. Your fingers slid down, tracing the shape of his muscles over his clothes until you reached his pants and palmed him, earning a shaky moan from him. Your lips parted slightly and he wasted no time in sliding his tongue in, a shiver running down your spine as he took control, his fingers sliding under your shirt and caressing the skin of your waist before pulling you against him, rubbing his hard on against your core.

One of your arms threw all of the papers on the desk to the floor whilst your other hand held the nape of his neck, his body following yours as you laid back on the cold surface. His fingers came up and started to unbutton your shirt, the light graze of them against your skin made your heart beat faster. His kisses slid down, delaying on your throat for a while before continuing towards your chest and your stomach and finally your pants, tugging and taking them off along with your shoes.

Next time he looked up, he had a hungry stare and a playful smirk whilst he made your underwear aside, licking a stripe up your folds, your voice coming out involuntarily. He took it as an encouragement, diving into your heat as you gripped his hair. His fingers entered you, his lips closing around your clit, humming each time you tugged on his hair. A particular motion of his wrist had your moans hitching up and you came, a proud smile on his face as he licked your juices, any previous sign of innocence had completely disappeared.

“How was that?”

“Pretty good for a beginner but let me show you how it’s done.”

You got off the desk, turning him to stand against it and took off his shirt, biting down on his neck softly as if to not leave any marks but enough to have him bucking his hips before dropping to your knees, freeing his dick quickly and jerking him off. His gaze was fixed on you as he ran his fingers through his hair, the sight making you wet again. Somehow, he was now acting completely confident and it showed in all of the small movements he made. Your tongue ran up and down his shaft, your saliva making it easier to stroke him. The second you put your lips around his tip, he let out a groan throwing his head back, the muscles of his abdomen tightening. You sucked him off, hollowing your cheeks and deep throating him, his hands coming to your hair and holding you down as he shoved his cock into your mouth a few times before stopping.

“I get it now, but if you continue I will cum in seconds and correct me if I’m wrong but porn isn’t all about oral sex.” You chuckled at his remark, opening one of the drawers of the desk, examining his member for a few seconds before grabbing one of the condoms, his expression surprised as you got his size right.

“This is my job.” He laughed before rolling it on, grabbing your thighs and picking you up to place you on the table again, ramming into you without a warning.

His pace was brutal, not giving you a second to get used to his size, and honestly? You loved it. The sound of your moans mixed with his grunts filled the room, his eyes taking in each of your features making you feel shy, hiding your face on his chest. His thrusts were starting to get sloppy and you clenched on purpose, just so he wouldn’t go acting all big later.

“Fuck.” He pulled on your hair, your scalp stinging, your teary eyes staring into his. “Don’t do that again.”

You let out a whimper as he teased your clit with his free hand, his cocky smile annoying you to no avail, so you clenched again and kissed him to distract him. It worked, because soon he was replying, your taste on him, the grip on your hair easing as his arm fell down, wrapping around your waist and carrying you to the nearest wall. The impact left you breathless as he shoved into you, a string of swears dissipating into the air as you came while he fucked you through your orgasm, burying himself deep and spilling into the condom.

He pulled out of you, slightly hissing at the friction, gracefully unhooked your legs and put you down. As both of you dressed up, you tried to take in what had just happened. If Hangyul knew that you had screwed his best friend, he would never stop bothering you about it. Plus how were you going to explain how exactly you let him pass it being that he had no experience whatsoever.

“So… Am I hired?” He seemed quite oblivious to what you two had done… Or maybe he was way more professional than you. Anyway, the way he swayed his body, his hands behind his back, eyebrows raised as he waited for your answer with the same expression a puppy would wait for getting his treat.

“I will call you and let you know, you desperate kid.”

I actually enjoyed writing this a lot??? I even have ready a second part because I happened to think of it while writing this one?????? Yohan is an inspiring babe. I might have slightly changed some things in the request but hope you can still enjoy it, anon uwu ♥

~Nani

unedited

[anhimidaes]

wow u know im just remembering this time ok so wait backstory i tutor some “at risk” kids from the community tuition center and they were planning an excursion to the bird park and they asked us if we wanted to go and like “chaperone” the kids to which i said yah why not its a free trip to the bird park 

ANYW so im set up to walk around with this lil girl and a boy she whispered to me (right in front of him but he couldnt hear) was her crush and im like cool cool lets go look at some birds! and so we walk around its p fun but then we come to this area thats like a ‘paid’ section where its a huuge cage and the birds just roam around. so anyway we walk into the entryway but like, couldnt go in ofc and the kids were running around ooing at stuff and i was lowkey wondering if i shld pay to let us in

BUT THEN! the girl at the entrance way looked at me, a 20 smth chinese girl, clearly not the parents of these 8yr old malay kids and tbh i have no idea what she figured out but she was like, i can let you guys in if you want and honestly, i was like????????? omg??? really??? so she smiles and ushers us in and we thank her several times and. wow. sometimes i just Think about that. there is good in this world. to that girl i hope u know ill remember you forever and i hope u continue to bless ppl in ur own small ways and if u ever see this hi!  thank you again 

[kartik-tripathi]

OK so firstly i never thought that i would have to do this ever. But here we are. I feel like i have to say this cus of the drama that's for some reason been gg on when there shldnt have been any in the first place.

STOP HOUNDING MY FRIEND ON WHY SHE DELETED THE TUMBLR GC.

Firstly, yes i know u really liked the place and it was fun to fangirl, fluff and chat abt this fandom we all love. And i know it must have been a huge shock to all if u to see it deleted suddenly and loose all the friends. And for those who are worried abt the mod and checking in, thanks for the concern. For those of u who are HOUNDING her on giving u an explanation, CUT. IT. OUT. Here's why u shld. Im literally gonna spell it out for u just this once.

1. She created it, she has the right to delete it and she honestly doesn't need to give u any explanation after she took the initiative to make the gc in the first place. The gc that (may i remind u) she's been modding for us and everyone just cus she felt like it.

2. U don't have any right to demand any explanation whatsoever period. And she doesn't owe u anything. So pls don't act like she has personally wronged u by deleting it immediately without warning.

3. It's LITERALLY THAT FUCKIN EASY TO CREATE UR OWN TUMBLR GC. pls if u still need a space to fangirl and talk abt the fandom UR WELCOME TO CREATE ur own gc.

4. I literally do not understand why u are HOUNDING someone for deleting a gc when u can at least start a new one if u really need it.

5. Just stop it. Ppl have alot of problems and drama irl already. If u need a space here for urself to unwind feel free to make it for urself. Don't infringe on other ppl doing the same for themselves.

i literally swear to God, if u keep hounding her i will be pissed man. And this lovely fandom shld keep gg and not get derailed by drama so pls . Just fucking understand that no one owes u any explanation and let it go. The gc's gone now. Move on.

[tearsasmascara]

firstly IM SO SORRY i didnt respond !! i was saving it because i wanted to do a full-fledged thought out response with all of my attention but clearly that didnt work </33333

i watched some of the 2nd episode !! i didnt get to finish it because i was urgently called down to do something but i might have free time so i hope i can catch up !

if i go into a rant about video games we’ll be here for 2 hours /hj but other from genshin i love love omori, project sekai, and i love detroit become human and among the sleep, even though i havent played the former two !! i also used to play apex legends a lot (and fortnite…… that 2020 phase is over i promise )

GOLDEN HOUR is such a cute song i heart it so much ugh <333 omg what did you get on the zodiac thing??

ooooo ok ok ok ill def have to watch spirited away (it was in my watch list last year,,,,,, ill get to it after the other 20 shows i have to watch )

violet evergarden is a series !! but it also have a few movies which take place after

take care themis <333333 drink water >:l

HEY OMG DONT BE i didnt either ive been like so dead asjhdsajkds BUT LIKE YEAH YEAH DW !

YAYAYA so like i have to start yuri!! on ice, i plan on doing so today, will let you know how that goes

ASKJDKASHASD ?? im available for two hours wdym /lh OMG but like i dont play vid games a lot </3 used to play valorant n genshin, as well as tears of themis. okay, what game shld i try? (FORTNITE??? NOWWWWWWW 😭😭)

WDHJAJSDH yes it is, okay wait i forgot my results lemme check

die for you- the weeknd

THIS ONE SONG IVE NEVER LISTENED TO I JUST ADDED IT FOR FUN IDK IVE NEVER LISTENED TO IT GOODBYE

old yellow bricks- arctic monkeys

slide- chase atlantic

charger- elio (ft charli XCX)

no okay wait i love all these songs im not complaining

YESSS lmk HOW IT GOESS

but yes i will watch violet evergarden after yuri!! on ice haha

ADJADSJHAD you take care toooooo

[shadyteacup]

SO SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY!

Once again, i find myself taking a moment to accept this, because it pretty much reflects my own personality

<warning: self-rant>

I suppose i was way too mature for my age, even as a child (esp as a child). I was aware of ppl's emotions, their mood, the way they reacted, and how i must react, or what i shld say/do to create this 'ideal' opinion of myself for them. I practically used to ensure that ppl saw me in a certain way. It was so deep rooted that after a certain point, i had forgotten what my actual reaction or response to a situation would be. I was shaping my answers, words, reactions according to the way i wanted the ppl around me to perceive me; i was handing them 'their perception of me' on a silver platter.

But dont get me wrong, its not my parents' fault. I just had always been like that. They still dont know abt this lmao. Now, i have grown a bit, and am myself, as in, 'my true self', just a tad bit more.

In fact, my mom could never truly understand me as a child. She, to this day, asks me if she had been a bad mother somehow(she hadnt; she was the best, so stress free and relax, and never used to make me sad or unhappy. She was and still is, always there for me. Shez like a beacon of warmth, one i can run to with all my problems and know that shed solve em for me)

<end of rant>

ANYWAY

I find Dazai a lot like me. He was too smart for his age. This might be because he was exposed to too much darkness at too young an age(we dont know abt his life before 15, but 15 is still pretty young)

He finds it hard to just... let loose, be himself..

and... i can relate... i dunno why im like this, but i just am.. we're both constantly hiding our true selves, creating a facade for the world. And, in my case, the truth isnt bad, in fact, my true personality is very nice, and im pretty sure so is Dazai's.

As he grows, mentally, in the ada, he understands that its okay to let go, to be free. Yet, he isnt 100% himself. Rather, he's just a tiny fraction of himself. But that's still growth. And I'm so proud of him.

As you said, he finds it difficult to accept that he deserves the happiness, that he can let go, and often reverts back to his sadder, more held back self.

So, imo, he takes on a project to make himself useful; to make some good, to deserve some happiness. yk, to be productive and not feel like shit.

That's Atsushi. Atsushi is a project for dazai, one that he puts his heart and soul into, coz he wants to not be worthless. He already has guilt about akutagawa(its very slight, but its there; he also is aware that he had to be harsh towards aku, to prepare him for the harsher life in the mafia. If aku hadnt been trained under dazai's harsh rules, he wouldve been bullied to no end; considering his physical weakness. Aku, imo, is a monster that was created by dazai in order to save him; To save aku, for he had been brought into a dark world, where innocence only meant death. Dazai tortured aku. He practically drilled his own authority into aku's head, ensuring that he only saw dazai above him, and everyone else beneath him. Because that attitude was needed in the mafia, to be fearless and feared by all. And dazai always meant well for aku(ok, maybe not always, he used aku for selfish reasons, manipulated him even. But he's still better than the rest) So, it was safer for aku to only serve dazai, as dazai would ensure that he was always taken care of)(aku is another topic i can go on, and on, and oooonn abt lmao)

SO

through atsushi, dazai seeks to redeem himself. And he finds it disgusting that he finds it a necessity to redeem himself in the first place. He hates that he feels guilty, shameful and worthless. Because he isnt a monster; as in, a super-intelligent being with no guilt. According to him, he is half human and half monster. But he is, in fact, 100% human. Just a little too smart, hence he doesn't fit in.

*sighs* My hands are tired from typing so much

This is so much fun tho

Hi this is the writer of the Dazai SFW Alphabet (kunikinnie is a sideblog) and I just saw your tags on it and I think I'm melting

I'm not a Dazai kin which makes your words all the more heartwarming aaa I'm so glad there's someone who shares the same views on Dazai as I do HAHA

(And this is the first time we're interacting so this also came as a surprise to me ehe)

OMG HI!

Might I just say, that I loved your work!

Yes, it truly is so rare to find sm1 who shares the same opinions on Dazai, as he is quite an enigma, even to the animators, and multiple sides of him are shown to us throughout the seasons.. many focus on his more comical tendencies (like the animators who skipped that nurse scene) while others focus more on his suicidal tendencies and give him a sad, solemn nature.

Imo, Dazai is a cunning, yet emotional man, who hates to admit that he is, in fact, human. He dislikes being weak, but doesn't mind letting others believe that he is weaker than he actually is, just to get a one up on them. He also hates showing the world who he actually is, as he doesn't trust anyone. He will go to lengths to hide his true self, sometimes brainwashing himself to believe that he is this fake persona.

I can go on for hours, lmao, but I'm so happy and excited to have come across ur work♡

I kin him so much (it's concerning) and u just showed me a mirror through ur post hehe (was actually overwhelming, I felt as though I was talking to a therapist who was listing out my personality traits)(I rlly loved it tho)(maybe I should go see a therapist-)

Also, yeah we had never interacted b4, but I loved ur work too much to not reblog :3

[theday]

HIII!!! ITS YOUR MBB SECRET SANTA I HOPE YOURE HAVING A GREAT DAY FULL OF HAPPINESS!!!! I love monsta x and i bet you do too also I LOVE WONHO HES SO SQUISHY RIGHT NOW AND THE HAIR cries ok so i have a question of the day: what got you into mx? Mine was a long ride but it was w o r t h i t!!!

HELLO!!! MY DAY JUST STARTED ACTUALLY BUT I SAW A BUNCH OF MX ON MY DASH SO.. its already filled with happiness and love :-O btw this is rly long

how did u guess…. me …. a blog with the url cuddlychae… liking monsta x????? how didu make that connection… im just kidding i love you? already sjjsjsjd PLEASE JDSJJ I KNOW MY TAG FOR HIM IS LITERALLY SQUISHY KING I LOVE HIM SO MCUHCJS id write a whole ass essay but thats for another time 3 how do you like his hair??? he dyed it like . 3 times this cb rip wonhos scalp but god the purple really grew on me after awhile and then he went fiery red and i was like ? >:0 but the purple…. the red is grpwing on me too alsjjdjs i could never hate wonho(’s hair) i jsut wish theyd let his scalp breathe a bit or he’ll go bald soon

are we going straight into the questiosnsjjsjs tell me about yourself first!!! you can call me egg or megan if calling me a round food object is too strange jsjj i use she/her pronouns and !!! im turning 16 this december 26th which is literally nvm i wanted fto say smth like twice of today since its the 13th and 13 x 2 = 26 but never mind…. 

this got so long already my friend (what shall i call you?) this is how i am normally whenever i start i dont stop riidjjsjsjk we’re in for a long ride buddy :-D

ok so monsta x … the monsta men……. so firsts of all . my good friend buddy pal karissa (who is barely on tumblr) is a big mbb but i didnt get into them bc of her though she shld get mentioned bc of her i have someone to yell about monsta x.. irl… bless her . now shes kind of relevant to this story actually in june and i was at her place with another friend and that was the day mx had their coomeback shine forever so we agreed to watch it with her :-o back then i had no interest in kpop at all so i was like hm . the whole time but their music was great in my young opinion back then since she let me listen to beautiful right after that (also jooheon in the beautiful mv caught my eye in shine forever it was minhyuk and jooheon i didnt take notice of anyone else whoops) 

that was my only mx experience until .. after i got into day6 (after being more open to kpop) my friend (a different one, boxy) she started talking about mx bc she got sucked into their wormhole .. and she would talk about mister yoo kihyun for ages which was cute (ok honestly when i first looked up pics of ki i was like whys . he her bias bssjjsjsjsks now i understand) she’d link me videos such as the daeng daeng daeng cover and kihyuns hyeya to show us how good kihyuns vocals were (which i completely ignored for awhile bc of mister minhyukku…. kihyun im so sorry i did u dirty for the longest time) and then she linked us to the funny videos i had to bold that bc . monsta x are the best comedians alive… kings of comedy . she gave us this video to watch and i lost my mind watching it beyhjsjs

this is long and dramatic only bc i love to talk but basically i got into mx bc they were fucking funny that sounds so dumb but i watched all their reality/variety shows in less than 2 weeks without knowing who each member was (i could only recognize jooheon) every episode/series has made me laugh so hard and i think because i fell for their personalities more it was easier for me to??? for them to??? become one of my favorite groups??? after that i watched all their music videos (hey all in ruined my life and burnt my crops wtf…. i love all in so much,,,,) and then proceeded to watch most of the subbed vlives/monchannel videos it was a wild time honestly and it wasnt only after a while that i started following more mx blogs and just interacting with fellow mbbs??? the click idk if u know them but theyve helped me open up to other people on here too so im really grateful to them!! in the end i just??? i mean i got into them late august and it hasnt even been 6 months but i would really give my heart and soul to monsta x theyre so kind and just really fucking sweet + talented and im so happy they got their first win!!!!!!! 

this is really long so if you read this thank you!! something i want to establish is that (breaking some rules here) you dont have to send me 3 asks a day because.. thats ridiculous i mean i understand where the organizer is coming from but please dont ever feel pressured to send me asks - just do it when youre free/when you feel like it!! i want to make this a stress free and fun experience so dont worry about it okay!!! another thing, im completely fine if you send me more than 3 asks in one go (since theres that character limit stories will be hard to tell) i love reading people’s rambles so if you ever feel like writing a whole wonho love essay please go ahead!! 

my questions for you are the ones i mentioned previously at the start and how did you get into monsta x?? you said it was a long ride so im rly curious!! just tell me whenever!!! i might take some time to reply bc i only reply on desktop and ill be out the whole day but dont let that stop you from sending stuff if u want!!!

thank you so much for reading if you did, i hope you have a wonderful day and that if youre sleeping soon, youll have a good rest!! do let me know what youd like me to tag your asks with by the way! i love youuUU

[aniszulyka]

Review & Collective Haul - Feb 2017

hi u guyssssssssssssssssss! wht’s up?! hope u guys have a nice day today. i’m back with a new post which will turn out to be a long & boring post. i guess, i don’t know. u guys judge. anyway, it’s finally 三月! I’M SCARED. SPM result day is just around the corner. i wish i could pack all my stuffs and move to mars or any planets that i could survive for just a day.

March 4th; so, i went to 6th Putra Canselor Carnival Charity Night Run 2017. it was lit & suuuuuuper fun (except when i realised that i left maria behind). didn’t win any medals. i’m fat & late. i know, i’m proud of it. aha.....................

the only proper photo of us from the charity night run, i guess. hahaha. (elyas went mad bcs i didn’t invite him lmao)

(u guys know that u guys can skip this part kan? haha) these are wht we got from the goodie bag except for the certificate. we’ll get the certificate after running. as usual. we got three salonpas pain relief patch, two MOG vouchers (i have three cause i got the other one masa register PCC), apollos, glow in the dark sticks & the glow in the dark shirt. imma use the voucher to buy contact lenses. muahaha. ok................

i ran a poll on my twitter. so, let’s get started. shall we? 

oh anyway, this is only for make up. okay? okay.

first thing i got here is one of the qwin eyeshadow palette. actually, my aunt bought for me. (thank u maksu!!!!) i didn’t ask her to but she paksa me to pick one. haha. i bet this palette is definitely remind u of morphe palette. same right? 

this isn’t fake morphe or anything, this is qwin. suuuuper pigmented, i don’t know why it didn’t really come out when i swatched the eyeshadow on my hand. but it really works on eyes. i swear. u know, instead of u waste ur freakin money on fake morphe which is not pigmented at all, buy qwin instead. recommended from me!!!!!!!! i give 4.5/5 for this. anyway, u can check em out on their instagram & facebook. 

wallaaaaa! if u guys are wondering, this is qwin all matte palette. they got more colours. go check em out!!! 

i don’t know where this brand come from but somewhere in asia, of course. the box is all in chinese characters & i can’t understand any of em hahaha. i mean the information abt it. so this brand is from china???? i don’t know. i bought this at Kio Da. this is insiti bronzers in shade of 02. works on me really well. pigmented. i give 3/5. i don’t know how to explain abt this product fr u guys cause i don’t have any informations of it. but the packaging is so cute!!!! love it.

next, i got the green tea repairing spray with tea extract from miniso, nu sentral. it’s not mine but i don’t know it’s also mine? cause i share this with my mom. it says here that it used as a toner to supply moisture after cleaning your face. it smells really good! like green tea. wait... ofc... haha it feels good actually, not bad. i give 3.5/5. if u are wondering, i don’t use this all the time as a toner. for toner, i’m using the l’oreal paris hydrafresh spa water. it feels really fresh, i swear. u guys shld try.

some of my friends ask me personally abt the catrice cosmetics. like how good is the foundy? is the coverage good? where did i get that? that’s why i’m here for right haha answering all the wondering. wait what? ok nevermind. 

i got the all matt plus - shine control make up in the shade of 015 vanilla beige. it says here that it longlasting shine control make up with light-reflecting pigments for a satin-matt and even complexion. hydrating, oil-free, dermatologically tested. okay, for me, it’s true. the coverage is good and longlast! i swear. it is. go. buy. haha i got this from drugstore em guardian, nearby my house. u guys can get this from guardian nearby or i know not all guardian have catrice. u can also check on guardian’s website. they have, don’t worry. it’s good, really good. i give 5/5 for this foundy!

next, i got the allround concealer palette, also from catrice cosmetics. also got it from guardian nearby my house. the coverage is good. u know, i have lots of scars. everyone knows that. my skin is sick. works on me really good! but i don’t put it too much cause i don’t like cover all of my scars. like fully-covered. i mean, u shld proud of urself. y u shld malu of urself. right? haha. but yeah, still got it lmao. u guys shld get it too! 4/5 for this!

continue, i got the shiyokubutsu beauty skin makeup base in the shade of pink. i bought from miniso. it is a block cream. it says here that plant essence is condensed in the fine cream, soft and comfortable. the product can serve as a make up foundation and block and can beautify ur skin at the same time. it can cover flaws on ur face only with a thin layer, make ur skin whiter, adjust ur uneven skin, brighten ur complexion, block pollutants from outside and modify ur makeup in general. it is soft and longlasting, helps u get a perfect makeup. which is true.

i put on foundation after put the makeup base on. not just that. the coverage is da boom! ceh takda la smpai mcm tu haha. the coverage is good. really good. hahahaha. and i always use this. i give 4.5/5 for this! yay now go get yours. 

i never have a makeup remover before bcs i only use the makeup wipes to remove my makeup. before i bought this, i did a research abt this & it says with just one wipe, all ur makeup gone, haha. its true but to make sure its really clean, wipe more! haha i got this eye&lip makeup remover from miniso. it’s good!!! & cheap & i give it a solid 5/5! 

(the ugliest swatches ever!!!) i got these lippies from bae & co. cosmetics in the shades of twice, sistar & exid. their matte liquid lipsticks are so... em i don’t know how to explain. it burned my lips for the very first time. i don’t like it. i feel regret for buying em all but it finally works really good. i mean, they don’t burn my lips anymore. smell so good. like chocolate. i feel like imma eat those lippies if they r the only thing that is exist & no food. haha 

this one time i was putting on the lippies in the car and my dad was like “kakak makan apa tu? nak sikit” whattttt?????? hahaha it’s a matte liquid listick, u can’t eat that. the colours are pretty. i like it now. i give it 3/5 for this. u can check em out here.

THESE ARE THE BEST MATTE LIQUID LIPSTICKS EVER!!!!!! if u guys are a lippies collector, u guys shld have zhuco in ur freakin organizer at least TWO LIPPIES. i don’t know, i’m a big fan of zhuco cosmetics. imma buy all of their lippies later. i’m running out of money right now. hahahaha. i got these in the shades of 04 milky way & 22 move on.

ok why i love zhuco so much: it feels really good. like u are putting lip gloss or lip balm or something that will moisturize ur lips before u put on matte liquid lipsticks. this one, u don’t have to do that. i swear siapa pernah tgk video king coco kata bibir u takkan pecah mcm usual lippies. it is freakin true. it is so good. the packaging is also pretty, i love it so much........... 

also i adore the founder & co-founder of zhuco cosmetics; zura & shera. they are sabahan & sabahan are pretty. u guys admit that as well right. i can give it a solid 5/5!!!! go get yours! u can check em out here.

i think i’m gonna stop here. it is 3:41am right now. i’m not sleepy, i don’t know why i can’t sleep. i’m sorry if the quality of the photos are not good like before. i’m using different camera for these photos. my sister doesn’t allow me to use her dslr. so i’m only using the canon G11 & i think the quality of the photos aren’t that good. i hope u guys enjoy reading everything u guys wanted to know. feel free to ask me personally if tk puas hati dgn review haha. i’m sorry for my bad english or grammatical error and stuff. huhu ok bye!

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