#and i keep passing out and unable to eat much and dizzy

[writingsbychlo]

WITHDRAWAL | theodore nott

summary; theo decides to quit smoking, but doesn't realise that his decision would affect his girlfriend, too.

word count; 3007

notes; just a cute, fluffy little piece based on something that I was tagged in about 2 months ago! unfortunately, I cannot find the original post or tagger, but if it's you, please let me know!!

If there was one thing about Theodore Nott that couldn't be denied, it was that he loved with everything he had. 

He loved his friends; he was loyal to a fault and he’d never let them down. He loved his family, he wrote over fifteen letters a week to all his aunties and cousins, and still held onto his mother’s recipe book, even to this day. 

And he loved, adored, his girlfriend with everything that he had. He’d do anything for her, crawl across hot coals if she asked, give up his magic and his money and his legacy, just to make her happy. She’d never asked as such of him, still blushed when he pulled out his wallet when they shopped and smiled brighter than the sun when he gave her a handmade card or something he’d cooked. So, to his eyes, it didn’t seem all that much when he decided to give up smoking for her. 

She hadn't asked him to, never even pulled a face when he smoked. But Theo was damn sick of trying to blow the smoke away from her when she joined him at the astronomy tower, cuddled up to his chest, because he didn’t want that poison near her. He hated watching her shiver on the colder nights, he hated waking her in the middle of the night when he got up to satiate that itch, and he hated thinking of a future where he left her too soon, running short on time, because he ruined himself.

He chucked his last box into the fireplace one impulsive morning, and thought he might go cold turkey. He’d been so moody by lunchtime that he’d almost bitten Enzo’s head off over the way he pronounced ‘tomato’. That afternoon, he’d ditched his classes and trudged through the snow to the floo connection at the Hog’s Head, and picked up enough nicotine patches from a muggle supply store to knock out a fully grown Hippogriff.

He’d torn the packaging off of one in the grimy restroom at the back of the store and slapped it onto his bicep, and almost collapsed from the relief it gave him. It wasn’t nearly as effective as picking up a packet from the newsagent’s stand he’d passed would’ve been, but as soon as his fingers had twitched to pick up a box, your face had flashed through his mind. Your face, smiling at him, your face that morning telling him how proud you were of him when he’d shared his goals in hopes of support, and it was enough to deter him from the purchase.

You were his strength, once again, as you’d always been. 

And truly, you were so proud of Theo. Changing his patches for him every evening, in time with that first one. Reading up on the muggle solutions, and making sure you were fully versed on how to help him. Keeping him busy seemed to help, when he got bored, his eyes started flicking towards the door, and the slight irritability he’d been able to keep a lid on pretty well would begin to flare up. For the most part, he’d been staying at your dorm, in an active attempt to keep away from Mattheo, who wasn’t quite ready to give up his comfortable vice just yet. 

Unfortunately, as the days went on, while Theo seemed to be handling it just fine, you were struggling. The irritability grew, even Draco’s breathing was making you want to snap pencils in half in the library, or throw Enzo off the astronomy tower if he scraped his fork on his plate one more time. You were ravenous, and nauseous, all at the same time. You wanted to eat everything but could hardly hold it down. You were dizzy, and fatigued, and your grades were going to start slipping if this continued, because it had been almost a week since you’d been able to concentrate on any thought longer than a minute, never mind a whole class. 

And now, you were lying in bed, rubbing at your eyes angrily but unable to sleep as you stared at the ceiling. Theo, for once, was sleeping soundly beside you. Since giving up smoking, his sleep patterns had been getting better, while yours were getting worse by the night. Almost a week, and you’d barely gotten nine hours of sleep put together. 

When you shuffled again, pressing yourself a little closer to Theo as you rolled onto your side, he began to surface. The arm over your midriff tightened, pulling you in until your hips were bracketed against his, and he chuckled sleepily into your neck. Burying himself in, he pressed a kiss there, and another, and another. The rough pounding of your heart settled as you clasped Theo’s hand in your own, holding them to your chest as he littered your shoulder with kisses. 

At your sigh, he rolled you over, propping himself up on his elbow and yawning. Shaking his hand free from your own, he stroked the back of a finger along your cheek, and leaned down to press a kiss to your lips. As his hand settled on the side of your neck instead, yours slipped up to cup his jaw, and you melted into the tender love he offered you in the darkest hours. 

“What’s wrong, tesoro? Why are you awake?”

“Why are you awake?” you rebuffed, fingers lifting to comb through his hair, to push it back out of his eyes as he blinked himself a little more awake.

He shrugged, “This is about the time I’d normally go for a smoke.” He murmured, and your eyes flickered to the clock. 

You knew well enough the schedule Theo used to keep while smoking. Your timetable had slowly synched to it over the time you’d been dating. He’d wake up during the night, at some point around two, and disappear for a smoke. He’d take twenty minutes, or thirty if he bumped into Mattheo, and then he’d come back to bed. 

You didn’t mind the disturbance. Not when he’d come back slightly chilled from the night air and snuggle in close to you, wrapping himself around you.

“Actually, this is the time you’d normally come back from having a smoke, and give me my midnight kisses.”

“Is that why my girl is so restless tonight? Because I owe her some kisses?” He teased, leaning down until your noses were bumping, and you could taste the mint on his breath. Normally, he tasted like smoke, not toothpaste, and the shock of his warm lips instead of cold ones made you hum. 

The languid kisses melted the time away, his hand sliding up your shirt, sitting on your ribs and squeezing softly as he lowered himself down, covering your body with his own. Theo had always been your comfort, and your happy place. Being in his arms made you feel safe, and his kisses made you feel relaxed. As he licked his way into your mouth lazily, you anticipated the hazy blur of relaxation that usually followed when he kissed you. 

But, like usual recently, it never came. Instead, when he finally pulled back, and pecked the tip of your nose, he found you frowning, instead of smiling up at him. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know.” You huffed, frustrated at yourself, at your confusion and the growing irrational irritation. “It’s not the same.”

“What’s not the same, bella?”

“Your… your kisses.” Your words trailed to a whisper, knowing he wouldn't understand, and the hurt that flickered across his face made your heartbreak. 

“They’re not?”

“No. I don’t know why.” His lips curled further at the sides, and the look on his face made you want to cry. It made you hate yourself, aggressively, and if you could tear out your own heart and give it to him just to see him smile again, you would. Just another thing you’d been suffering with lately, an overwhelm of your emotions, worse than any mood swing you got when you were on your period. “It’s not you, Teddy, it’s me. You’re still my happy place, you’ve done nothing wrong. It’s me. I’m the problem.”

“You’re not a problem, bella. But we should figure it out. I don’t want to… kiss you wrong, and see that look on your face. What’s different, tell me what’s changed?” His sweet words made tears prickle at your eyes, and you sniffed sadly as you looked at him. 

“I love you so much, Theo.”

“I know, tesoro. I love you too.” His thumb smoothed over your cheek, “Tell me.”

“I don’t know!” Your snap made his eyes widen. “You’re just… different. You don’t kiss the same way, you used to get all needy when you came back from a smoke, but you don’t anymore, and you taste different! You taste like mint right now, and it just doesn’t make me feel the same way afterwards.”

Your words were jumbled and hurried, rushed out as you smoked them and his brows furrowed as he tried to decipher what you meant. Second ticked by into silent minutes as Theo’s wonderful mind ticked and whirred, thinking the problem through, and playing with the information. Then, before you could say anything else, something clicked. You could see it in his eyes, when the gears stopped turning and the thoughts stopped flowing because he’d found the answer. 

Pulling away from you, he sat up, kicking back the covers and letting in the cold air, before moving across the room and shuffling through his gym kit left in the corner. Pulling out a nicotine packet from the box inside, he shook it out, using his teeth to tear open the packet as he made his way back to the bed. Sitting yourself up, you propped yourself in the pillows as he peeled off the plastic backing, and tried to unstick his fingers from it, holding it by the corners. 

“You’ve only had your patch on for nine hours, Teddy, it’s not time to change yet.”

He clicked his tongue, shaking his head and settling in beside you on the bed, legs folded underneath himself. “This isn’t for me, bella. Take off your shirt.” 

Slipping your arm out of your shirt, you pushed it to the side, watching as Theo brushed cotton fibres off of your shoulder, before sealing the patch onto your skin. He made sure it was properly sealed down, flattening it to your skin, before feeding your arm back through the sleeve of your shirt. He smoothed the top back down your torso, pressing a cheeky kiss to your breast over your heart as he did, and sitting back on his legs to wait. 

“Give it a second, then tell me how you feel.” He whispered, the moment feeling entirely too fragile as his hand took yours, fingers linked together. He kissed along your knuckles, his eyes locked on your face, waiting. And the moment you felt it hit, you knew he saw it too. 

It was like a cool, soothing balm over a raw, aggravated wound. It felt like running cold water on a new burn or healing a painful graze with a quick Episky. “Oh, Merlin…”

“I know, tell me about it.” He mumbled, the smile on his face at victoriously solving the problem melting away as realisation set in. “Cazzo, bella, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You have a nicotine addiction, and it’s my fault. All that time you spent with me at the tower, and the smoke on me, and kissing you as soon as I finished smoking. All your moodiness these last few days—”

“Hey!”

“It’s true, baby. It all makes sense.” He rubbed a hand over his face, and squeezed your hand tighter in the other. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I quit because I didn’t want this to happen to you, I didn’t want my problems to poison you, but it’s too late.”

“Kiss me.”

“What?”

“Kiss me, Teddy.” You demand again, pulling him in, and his mouth collides with yours as he makes a subtle groan of surprise and pleasure. 

His hand gripped the headboard behind you, the other skimming down your side. As you leaned back into the pillows, you took him with you, his body falling over your own, slotting between your thighs as our hearts thudded together where his chest pressed to yours. Your hands slid over his shoulders, skimming down his back, and he moaned again as your fingernails scraped across his lower back as you tugged at his shirt. 

He sat up, letting you pull it off of him, before his arms were back, caging you in on either side as he fell back down against you. Pulling one of your legs up to sit on his hip, he dragged himself away from your mouth, trailing wet kisses down your jaw, to the pulse point on your neck and back up. 

“Merde, bella. What’s gotten into you? Not that I’m complaining.”

“You’re perfect, Theo.” You smiled, leaning up to steal more kisses from his lips that he was happy to reciprocate, “You’re perfect, your kisses are perfect. I knew it was me, not you. I was the problem.”

“A problem I gave you,” He groaned, his hips rolling against your own as you giggled breathlessly. 

“Yeah, whatever. Now we’re quitting together. That’s the promise we made, we do everything together, right?”

“Damn right, tesoro.” He growled, teeth nipping at the underside of your jaw, as he began to make his way down your body. Your fingers were loose in his hair, settling back in the pillows, eyes slipping closed as he kissed along the insides of your thighs, teasingly. Finally, your body could relax, no longer tense and buzzing, but the foggy comfort of the night made your muscles ease into the bed, your body feeling heavy, and you sighed in bliss. 

Theo mumbled something, and you let your legs fall a little further apart, but your grip on consciousness was falling further and further away as the nicotine coursed through your body, finally letting you ease into sleep you’d missed for days.

“Bella,” Theo said, his voice sharper, and you stirred, working hard to force your eyes open, but they’d only made it halfway. His hair was ruffled, eyes wide and lips swollen, but his smirk melted away from his face into a tender smile as he looked down at you. 

“Sorry, what’d you say, baby?” The words slurred out of you, and he chuckled. His fingers unhooked from the sides of your shorts, and he leaned over to kiss your forehead. “M’sorry, I’m so sleepy all of a sudden.”

“S’okay, bella. Never apologise. C’mere, let’s just cuddle.”

Tucking your body into his, you shuffled your hips back into him, and he threw his leg over yours as he held you tight to his body. “You’re hard.”

“It’ll go down, don’t worry.” He snickered, kissing the back of your head. “S’your fault anyway.”

“Sorry…” You whispered, again, sleepily. “I’ll make it up t’you t’morrow.”

“Go to sleep, amore.”

But you’d already drifted off.

It was just as you were closing your History of Magic book, that Theo announced his presence in the common room as he walked in alongside Mattheo. They were loud, and raucous, and thankfully, you were less inclined to bite their heads off for it today. 

In fact, alongside Enzo, you’d been able to catch up on all of the History homework you’d been missing out on for the last week or so, getting you back on track for at least one of your subjects. 

“Patch change time, bella!” Theo announced, making his way over to you as he untucked his shirt and began to undo the buttons down the front. Tugging the tie out of the way, he crashed down ungracefully onto the couch beside you, Mattheo nudging Draco to move up so he could sit down too. 

This had become a regular part of your routine now, and you pushed the edges of his half-unbuttoned shirt aside to reveal the patch sitting on the middle of his left pectoral. Picking at one corner, you peeled it away gently, careful not to tug on his skin as you did, and Theo watched on adoringly in silence as you took care of him. Unwrapping a new patch, you brushed off the spot, before sticking a new patch onto him and smoothing down the bandage. 

He patted it himself, before doing a couple of the buttons on his shirt back up for modesty, as though he hadn't already given half of the common room a show, before he leaned in to peck your lips. His fingers fell to the buttons of your shirt, and he began to undo them slowly. “Your turn.”

He undid just enough to reveal your shoulder, without letting anyone else catch a glimpse of anything underneath, and as he leaned down to begin peeling away the old patch, you caught Enzo’s confused expression. 

“Why are you wearing a patch?” He asked, and Theo laughed to himself quietly as he changed your old one out. 

“Because loverboy here got me addicted too, through kisses and secondary smoke.”

The others burst out laughing, unfettered by your glaring as they made kissy sounds and crude remarks, while Theo buttoned your shirt back up. Your glare turned to him as you caught sight of his smile, and he shrugged, a lopsided smile on his lips. “What can I say, bella? I’m just that good.”

“Oh, shut it,” You smacked his chest, and he took your hand, tugging you forward to cuddle you into his chest as he kissed your temple. 

“I happen to think it’s adorable that as a by-product of how you got addicted, that means you were addicted to me.”

“Mhmm.” Your eyes rolled, and he squeezed you even tighter. 

“You had me addicted to you without any substances at all, bella. Just you.”

“Alright,” You scoff, “Stop sweet-talking me.”

“Never.”

[luveline]

Hii! How are you?

I love all ur fics especially Hotch and his adult daughter ones. They are just brilliant<3 Can u please write something with Hotch being worried about his daughter as faints or get injured? Thank you!

thank you for requesting! <3 fem, 2k

There are silver-linings to your concussion. Not many, and he’d much prefer you were better, but silver linings all the same. 

You, unable to look after yourself with on-again off-again dizziness and shortness of breath, have no choice but to stay at Aaron’s house. (Well, you could’ve stayed home, and he could’ve come to visit you a few times a day while your mother worked, but this is easier on his gas tank and his heart.) 

The silver lining is that he actually gets to spend time with you, large swaths of it, and that he gets to see you without your smart formalwear for the first time since you’d met all but four months ago. It will never not be strange to have a daughter and to be her acquaintance, but Aaron feels that this time is perfect to get to know you beyond two hour dinners and texts. 

It is admittedly occasionally awkward, but he doesn’t expect it to be easy. He doesn’t need you to pretend that you’re more comfortable with him than you are, or that he’s been there for you as you deserved. He wishes he was, and he can’t forgive your mother for keeping you a secret, but he can understand her reasoning (to some extent), and he can try to give you what you deserve, because it is about you. You’re a young woman who deserves a father and has one now. He’s determined to prove that it isn’t too late. 

You curl on the family couch with a new pillow under your head. You wear pyjamas he bought you, socks you’ve borrowed, and a big blanket covers your legs. Jack sits on your feet eating grapes from a bowl. 

You look younger without makeup. Aaron can almost see you as a kid. 

“You want another grape?” Jack asks you. 

“Please, buddy,” you whisper, holding out your hand. 

You’re trying not to talk or move too much, as movement hurts your nose, which was broken. Aaron still can’t believe someone hurt you —you were assaulted in the subway during a city riot and passed out as result, where you hit your head, and ended up where you are now with post concussive syndrome.

A bad fall can do such great harm, he can’t imagine how awful it would’ve been to have met you and had you stolen from him that swiftly. He’s a lucky man. 

Aaron almost hadn’t answered when you called, about to change into Kevlar and prepare the BAU for an anti-terroism strike that Strauss shoved into their laps. He’d smiled briefly at your contact photo and thought of the phone call he’d have with you later to apologise for missing the first, but then he got a strange feeling. What could it hurt for him to make sure you weren’t in the centre of it? 

“Do you want water?” Jack asks. 

You hold out your hand again, searching for Jack’s. You find it and give his fingers a squeeze. “No thank you. You don’t have to worry about me, I just want you to watch your movie.” 

“I’ve seen it a hundred– hundred times,” he says, taking his hand back to eat another grape. After a moment, he lays his cheek against your legs where you have them bunched up. 

“Don’t choke on your grapes,” you say. 

“Don’t worry,” he says. 

You laugh quietly. “I won’t.”

Aaron closes his laptop, having failed to work from home in the armchair beside you both. He might need some help to get back to a functioning place when he returns to the office, but his hands itch with a different need today. He checks his watch. 

“Time for another dose, if you want it?” he asks you. 

“Please.” 

It’s only anti-nausea and painkillers, but you’re quite dependent on them. He’s staying on top of them, because on your second morning here, you’d woken up and forgotten the anti-nausea. Being sick with a broken nose is agony. He doesn’t wanna see you crying again. (Though again, that had made you closer. To get to rub your back, and promise it wasn’t too disgusting, he could deal with it no problem.) 

Haley hums in the kitchen. She’s happy to have her way, which is to have him home, if vaguely bitter that it’s for you. He understands her annoyance, but it’s different. If Jack were attacked and recovering, of course Aaron would be home with him, as he’s home with you, but he won’t stay home for much less and lately, it's been a point of great contention between them. 

Still, she’s a good woman who looks after everyone the best that she can. Your pills are waiting on the counter with a glass of apple juice and a muffin, and your laundry is being folded from the dyer next to Jack’s. 

Aaron ushers her in for a grateful hug, a kiss pressed to her soft cheek. “Thank you, honey.” 

“You’re welcome. She shouldn’t take so much tylenol when she’s barely eating. You’re gonna have to convince her.” 

“I will. I was thinking I’d make soup. You know, my mom’s split pea. What do you think?” 

“Does she like split pea soup?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Just ask, Aaron,” she says, not without sympathy. 

“I was going to.” 

Haley gives a long sigh. “I’m sorry.” 

He rubs her arm. They’ve been very far apart lately, so far that he’s wondered if they’re not going to make it work, but for today they seem back in sync. 

“Don’t be sorry,” he says. 

“No, I am. I know it’s impossible, but I keep imagining how I would feel if it happened to me.” She wipes lint or maybe nothing from his collar. “What if I had a baby out there and I knew nothing about her? It’s not… not fair on either of you.” 

“Worse things have happened, Hale.” Because it really is awful, but he doesn’t need anyone to feel sorry for him. You, yes. Poor girl, your poor nose. Aaron gives Haley a quick kiss. “We’ll be okay. Don’t worry about it, hm?” 

“Okay, honey. Well, find out what she wants for dinner.” 

“I’m gonna make it.” 

“I can make it.” She moves back to her pile of laundry. “I don’t have much to do, with you home. It’s nice.” 

He winces, grabbing your pills, your juice, and the muffin. Aaron has no qualms sharing duties, but he can’t have this conversation again. Of course it’s nice to be home, that’s not the issue. 

You and Jack are exactly where he left you eating grapes and watching TV, but you’ve shifted upward a little to make more room for him, the blanket now over his legs.

“Are you looking after your big sister?” Aaron asks. He can’t help himself. 

Jack grins at him. “Yeah, dad. We need more grapes.” 

“Yeah?” Aaron walks around the couch to pass you the few pills into your hand. He crouches in front of you. It hasn’t stopped feeling alien, suddenly having two kids, but it has started to feel right. “It’s dinner time soon, Jack, can you wait? I don’t want you to have a full tummy.”

“What’s for dinner?” he asks. 

Aaron passes you the glass of juice for you to wash down the pills. “I was thinking we’d let Y/N choose…” He taps your knee gently. “Do you have a craving for anything?” 

“I can’t choose,” you say. 

His hand turns to cup your knee, hoping it isn’t too much. “Sure you can. Jack chooses dinner all the time.” 

“I’ll eat whatever.” 

“You’ve barely eaten all day, isn’t there something you love? Something soft?” 

You look like him when you’re not happy. Unsure, you look to Jack. “Can’t Jack pick, please?” 

“It’s your turn,” Jack says. 

Aaron puts the muffin he’d been given for you on your knee. “Honey, just think about it. There’s no rush. You and Jack can live off grapes for the rest of the night.” 

“Mean,” you murmur. 

Jack slips off of the couch with his bowl. He makes for the kitchen, his wobbly declarations of love cute and ringing when he sees his mom. “Hi, mommy. You’re pretty. Can I have grapes?” 

“Hi baby.” 

You smile, fingertip playing with the muffin’s paper casing. “He’s so lovely.” 

“I know.” 

“It’s okay, right?” 

Aaron holds your gaze. Not commanding, but listening intently. “What’s okay?” 

“For us to– you know. To cuddle.” 

“Yes, it’s okay. Jack makes his own mind up about things, and if he wants to cuddle with you, he will. If you don’t want him to cuddle, you can ask him for space.” 

“It’s strange,” you say, laying your face against your pillow, muffin ignored, “to have a brother now.” 

“Bad strange?” he asks. 

You smile. Almost hopeful. “No.” 

Aaron does know what you’re thinking. He has four months of evidence on your behaviour, and you aren’t dishonest, so he believes his frame of reference to be correct. Right now, you’re feeling unwell, maybe the pain in your face is flaring or your concussion is giving you grief, but you seem to already love your little brother. If not love, then to be very fond of him. You have similar feelings about Aaron, but you’re shy about showing it. 

He understands that you might not feel very close to him so soon, he understands that you’re practically still strangers, but he loves you. Maybe it’s something innate in being your father, but he really does love you. 

It’s like being passed your baby —you don’t know your baby, they’re a baby, but you love them. Aaron doesn’t know if you like vegetable soup more than French onion, if you like buttered bread or a dinner roll or toasted baguette on the side, but he’ll learn. 

“I’ll make you anything you want for dinner,” he says softly, looking for your hand in the blankets, and taking it with similar care. “You just have to tell me what you like.” 

You look down at his hand. 

“Sorry for making things difficult.” 

“You’re not making anything difficult.” His thumb rubs your hand of its own accord. “You aren’t difficult. You’re remarkably easy to look after.” 

“Thank you.” 

“If you could just pick what you wanted for dinner…” 

You both laugh at one another, and you wince at the soreness in your nose. Aaron stands from his crouch with aching legs to pat you on the shoulder. 

“I’ll figure something out,” he says. “I’m a good guess, usually.” 

“Okay. Thank you, Aaron,” you say, resting with a sore squint back against your nest. 

In the kitchen, Jack sits in Haley’s lap, his bowl filled again with more grapes. She’s chewing on one when he comes back. “Hey, did she decide?” 

“Not yet. I’m working on it.” 

“Well, we have time.” 

[vacantgodling]

tl;dr i need help paying rent and health insurance this month. with the money from my recent paycheck, all i need is $263 (usd) to cover these expenses.

i hate to ask for money all the time but idk what else to do.

this month (august) was supposed to be great for getting my finances in order. i would be getting paid 3x, and i had a system that worked.

unfortunately things didn’t work out that way. this month has been the worst month this entire year:

the main issue is i caught covid (after 4 years of never having it once, i succumbed to people’s uselessness and having to go in person to work) and that kept me out of work for a week. the mini vacation was “nice” because my symptoms weren’t too bad, but the looming fear that i wouldn’t have enough for rent has now reared its head.

the week before, i already took 2 days off because my partner was informed their abusive father had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and that sent them spiraling. he hasn’t kicked the bucket yet (ig cockroaches don’t die easily), but from what they said that week they thought he would pass by that sunday.

this past wednesday, the stress of their not so great extended family reaching out + grappling with this ended up with my partner having to go to the hospital for (tw) excessive vomiting—unable to keep water down and extremely dizzy. we were discharged that night thankfully once things calmed down and they are technically fine, just still resting and trying to slowly get back to eating normally. the drs weren’t able to determine what caused any of that to occur, but our current theory is just stress and not eating enough so stomach rebellion. i had to miss 4 hours of work to take them to the hospital so, my next paycheck is also gonna be short but not too terrible overall. i’m not really worried about it.

i don’t want to bore you all to death with all the details of all my other debts and struggles that i’m dealing with rn. i just want to illustrate how this week just fucked me over really badly. i’m currently the only one working between us bc my partner is disabled (and got denied disability for them last week so cool cool. love this country love it here).

and if it helps you feel more inclined to donate to me i’m black, queer, and transmasculine. marginalization bingo etc etc.

if you can’t spare anything i understand, i know we’re all broke and struggling and there’s other causes that are definitely more pressing. this isn’t a matter of life and death. just would really help to not have to get screwed over by this.

i offer commissions so if you wanna check my ko-fi -> https://ko-fi.com/vacantgodling/commissions

(just know there’s a small of a list rn, i haven’t been drawing as much as i need to for the commissions i do currently have and i’m sorry for that i’ve just been stressed out. thanks to everyone who’s ordered for their patience i’ll be getting to stuff as soon as i can)

but if you’d like to just donate to my paypal -> https://www.paypal.me/pinkpurgatory

if you don’t have anything to spare (which again, totally fine) please spread this around if you can i’d appreciate it.

thanks for reading and i hope you have a good day 💛

[artisticxlly]

hiii trick or treat 🤲 ( i will eat up ANYTHING /lh)

Hi there! For mutuals, I'll be more generous, here's another drabble as a treat! I think you might enjoy some hurt/comfort, right? (I actually have 2 more of those, but I'm trying not to give out all the treats at once 🤭):

Injuries happen. Atsumu was very aware.

Playing a sport professionally, he was aware. But injuries always seem to happen when you least expect them.

It was practice, like any other day. His sets were good. They'd be done soon, he could take a cold shower and cool off. It was autumn but the heat was still there on this day, the previous days consisting of windy rains.

Except their game hasn't ended yet. And as Atsumu blocks a potential line spike from Bokuto, Alexandre collides into his side with enough force to knock him off balance. And the exhaustion stings too much for his ankles and knees to break the fall and catch himself.

The fall feels longer because Atsumu hits the ground sideways. His head hits the ground last, his neck unable to resist the force of the swing. Shit.

He can hear Alexandre curse, the entire 7 feet of the man turning to him and leaning over him. "Atsumu, shit!"

His breath gets knocked out of him and Atsumu feels awful. His chest feels hot with shame and he presses his forehead to the cold ground, arms curling around his ribs with groan. How embarassing, right? All eyes on him.

He can hear the other's gathering as his skull pounds mercilessly. He eventually gets his lungs to fill and deflate fully again and sits up to the best of his abilities. His entire body goes cold, then hot as he tilts his head upright. There's a small circle of people around him, but Atsumu can't really see. It's not that his vision was very blurred or he was seeing double. No, his reflexes insisted on him, keeping his eyes closed. Everything was too bright, and their concerns were too loud.

"Miya." There's something touching his shoulder. He opens his eyes, tries to see what was up and down. All his eyes focus on is this dark brown. Sakusa, Miya's brain provides a bit hesitantly. He blinks, his eyes are teary.

"...Shit." Atsumu feels the need to say something, the other's had gone so quiet. "You hit your head. Do you feel dizzy?" Another wave of shivers washes down Atsumu's back. "Ugh, yeah... I think I'm gonna... pass out..." He leans forward and a warm hand cradles the side of his face. He can't hear anything else when the world goes black, his body slumping against his teammate.

Kiyoomi curses under his breath as he lets Atsumu's head rest on his shoulder. Meian was already calling for an ambulance, crouching next to them. Shoyo brings them a bottle of water, looking concerned. "Do you think he got a concussion..?" "Yeah... Very likely, he hit his head pretty hard. Kiyoomi is trying not to be too worried. His fingers are feeling Atsumu's pulse, two fingertips against the side of his neck. It is steady, a bit fast but nothing unusual.

A small groan sounds muffled against his shoulder.

Atsumu feels nauseous. He prays that he wouldn't throw up all over poor Kiyoomi. He wants to sit up but resting against Kiyoomi's shoulder - where it was soft and dark - is much more comfortable. "Hey, Omi Omi..."

He puts a hand over the two fingers on his neck. Why is he feeling his pulse? "I'm here." Kiyoomi mumbles.

"'m sorry fer sleeping on ya... I'm 'll sweaty and gross, prolly." His tongue feels heavy in his mouth.

"You're an idiot." Kiyoomi mumbles. "I was the one who rushed to you."

Atsumu swallows the bile rising in his throat.

"Do you want to lie down? Need some water?" "Mhm..." Atsumu lifts his head slowly. Kiyoomi is so close it makes his throat dry up.

"I'm really sorry, Miya, it's my fault." Alexandre is looming over them, casting a shadow.

"Huh? Not yer fault, I just needed a nap... Practice is so grueling." Atsumu whines.

"You fell, Atsumu." Kiyoomi corrects. It doesn't even register that he calls him by his first name.

'*I fell in love? Wait, no...*'

Atsumu groans, he kind of remembers now. He feels very confused.

"That's why my side hurts." He huffs, reaching for the water bottle Shoyo hands to him. His orange hair stuck out even more now. Almost obnoxiously so.

"That's so embrassin'... Omi, I'm gonna need to 'rase yer memory after dis." He opens the bottle and takes a few big sips. Kiyoomi still had a hand on him, now his thigh. Atsumu giggles through his sips. Oh, Omi would hate his guts if he threw up now.

Kiyoomi is keeping a close eye on how Atsumu is acting. Him giggling while drinking water is not exactly the most reassuring thing. "I'm glad you can laugh despite the pain."

"I was thinkin' that you'd tot'lly hate me if I threw up on ya right now."

Kiyoomi gave him a pointed look. So he did feel sick. Most definitely a concussion, right?

"You're right, I would." He decides to entertain Atsumu and distract him from the pain. The ambulance would show up soon.

"Don't you dare, Miya."

"Mmm, I think ya'd look really sexy even with chunks o' my lunch all over ya." Atsumu giggles at his own joke, Kiyoomi feels his ears get bright red.

'You're so gross... I hate that I want to kiss you right now.'

"...Ew, Atsumu." He settles on saying instead.

"Ambulance is here." Meian informs them. "Miya. Ready for a fun car ride?"

-----

Maybe one day this will garner an ao3 post, but you get to have my draft as of now! Thank you for the ask!

[crazylittlejester]

Warriors would be convinced that Twilight as Wolfie smelled out the truth a while ago, but Twilight was the most surprised of everyone. Warriors was baffled that no one figured out the truth.

I’m not sure if this was for the mini fic thing or not but I made it a mini fic anyway I hope that’s okay 😭 Here you go!! (438 words):

Warriors thought for sure that Twilight would’ve figured it out by now, having a wolf form and all, but it shocked him greatly to learn that somehow none of his traveling companions (except for Time) had figured out he had chronic low blood sugar. Granted he did do his absolute best to try to push through and ignore the nausea and dizziness, but sometimes he got knocked flat on his ass, unable to see clearly and feeling so horrible he thought he’d certainly pass out.

He was having an awful morning, having woken up already dizzy and nauseous, and it had gotten to the point where he didn’t think he’d be able to stand or do anything more than curl up in a tighter ball on the ground. It didn’t help that he was still exhausted from yesterday and he was still in a sleepy place where he could easily just close his eyes and go back to bed. A concerned snort followed by a ‘boof’ sounded overhead, and that was Warriors’s only warning before Wolfie smacked him lightly with his paw. He groaned weakly, using all his energy to stay conscious. He should’ve eaten more for dinner the previous night, and he should’ve found a way to get SOMETHING in him before his blood sugar got this low.

A cold nose pressed against his neck, a soft whine coming from the wolf before a panicked series of barks. Warriors winced at the volume, but was grateful that the barking had quickly woken all the others.

“Captain??” Sky asked, kneeling down by his head. “Wars, can you hear me? You don’t look good.”

“Here,” Time said as he stepped into view, peeled orange in hand. “You’re looking a bit gray there.”

Warriors made no effort to sit up, he just popped an orange slice in his mouth while laying down, chewing slowly and keeping his eyes closed. The sight of all the others moving around so much was making him even more dizzy. Wolfie curled up by his head, occasionally smacking him with a paw and making worried snorts if Warriors was too still for too long.

Eventually he felt well enough to try sitting up, thankful that the nausea seemed to have left him.

“What was that??” Legend demanded once Warriors was upright.

“Low blood sugar,” he groaned, running a hand through his hair. “I’m fine, I just didn’t eat enough yesterday.”

“You looked AWFUL a few minutes ago,” Wind frowned. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Warriors smiled at him, reaching over to ruffle the kid’s hair. “I should probably eat something else though.”

[bellysoupset]

Hello, I wasn't sure if my request went through so I thought I'd resend it. If you already got it please ignore. I was wonder if you could write something where Leo gets really sick before a big game and keeps insisting he can play when he clearly can't. With Jonah and Luke taking care of him and having to force him back to bed. I love when Jonah goes all 'doctor mode' and is all sweet and protective of Leo. Those two are so cute. Thank you!

Hey Book! I hope this is what you had in mind! This is LONG. TW: Mention of depression and Leo's intrusive thoughts (including mild suicide ideation). It's nothing as harsh as the TW make it sound, but be warned.

-------

It was the last game of the season. Or better, his last game, period. With graduation rapidly approaching, Leo knew he couldn't miss this. Besides, it was at home. How fitting, the last game ever happening in his own town.

He was more than a little emotional, had been since waking up. Leo wasn't one to break into tears over anything, but he had pretty much spent the entirety of his shower that morning tear eyed as he mulled over the fact there would be no more bus trips, no more euphoria after the game, no more... None of that.

Jonah had eyed him weirdly as they drove together to campus, but he had been in a rush to get to class, so any questioning he had was pushed aside.

Leo hadn't been able to focus at all in his thesis, the one he needed to present by the end of the month in order to graduate. The one his entire future hinged on. Yeah, that one little paper - paper which was currently 76 pages and counting.

"Hey kiddo," Vince messed his hair as he passed by his table in the cafeteria, "too hot to sit with us?"

"I'm not kiddo..." Leo groaned, looking up from the sandwich he had been staring at for the past 20 minutes, unable to stomach another bite. Everything felt off.

"Well, stop sulking and come sit with us," Vince scoffed, waiting by the bench. His own plate was piled up with food, considering the campus cafeteria had an all-you-can-eat buffet, for a pretty reasonable sum. Leo eyed it and grimaced, it didn't look appetizing at all.

"Found this one sulking near the architecture nerds," Vince announced as he sat down next to Lucas, Leo's own spot clear to his right.

"What's with the face?" Mikey asked, while Aidan merely looked up from his plate. Leo shrugged, sitting down and tearing the crust out of his sandwich.

"Nothing, I'm fine."

This seemed enough for the rest of the team, they were hyped after all, but not to Lucas. His friend smiled at him.

"It sucks that's the last one, right?"

Leo nodded, glad that someone understood him. Much to his dismay Vince let out a scoff, but not before wrapping an arm around Leo's shoulders and tugging on him, basically forcing his face to meet his armpit in an overly affectionate headlock.

"It might be the last official one, but we're so not gonna stop playing. Or seeing each other, I literally have gym with you tomorrow, Leo."

"Let go off me!" Leo groaned, trying to fight him, "I said it's fine."

"Yeah, I heard you, kid," Vince ignored his complaints, chuckle rumbling in his chest and Leo punched his side in order to free himself. He was dizzy by the time he managed to sit up, but the guys were laughing and even starting to feel wretched... Leo couldn't help but feel a little better with Vin's words.

"Banks is coming for tonight's game, right?" Luke asked and it took Leo a whole second to understand he meant Jonah.

"Yeah, he switched shifts with Wendy."

"Wait, what?" Vince whined, pouting, "aw, c'mon, that's not fair, I thought she was coming..."

Leo shrugged, "maybe she switched with someone too? No idea." Not that he cared or wanted Wendy there, he thought viciously, then frowned at his own thought.

He didn't want to be a shitty person, even in his own head. Vince was grumpily stabbing his food with his fork and Leo moved so he wouldn't smell it.

The rest of lunch went by quicker than he would've liked. Leo knew they were trying to involve him in the conversation, Vince asking about his thesis and seeming genuinely interested, but he couldn't hold a conversation. His whole body felt heavy and achy... And he wanted to be in bed.

"Hey," Lucas circled him as they finished up, planting both hands on Leo's shoulders, seeing as he was still sitting down, "are you good, Leo?"

"Yeah, I'm fine-"

"So you keep saying, but I'm not sure if I buy it," Luke frowned, then before Leo could stop him, he moved a hand from his shoulder to his forehead, big paw covering most Leo's face.

"Lucas, stop being fucking weird!"

"I think you're feverish," Lucas sounded concerned, "a little bit, I'm not sure."

"I'm fine," Leo pushed his hand away, glaring at him. He immediately missed the touch, if for no other reason than the fact it helped sustain his heavy head, "stop being a weirdo, let go off me."

"Uhm," Luke squinted at him, but did step back so Leo could get up from the bench, "I'm gonna keep my eye on you."

"I'm not five," Leo deadpanned, rolling his eyes, "and I have to go, I have to finish scanning a bunch of internship documents if I want to make it in time for tonight."

He wasn't actually in any rush, he had used the copy machine earlier, but anything to get out from under Vince and Luke's worried gazes.

Once he was out of the cafeteria the slight queasiness he was feeling faded into the background and although he still felt exhausted and achy, at least he didn't have to keep any conversation going.

His plan worked out fine until it was 5 PM and Jonah was right outside his classroom door.

Normally just seeing him there would make Leo giddy. Jonah was a fucking sight to behold, especially when he wasn't paying attention, just leaning against the hallway right outside the lecture room, propped against the wall as he scrolled down his phone, wearing a black bomber jacket over the light button up he wore everyday. He had even shaved the side of his hair, in the fashion Leo liked, which suited him much better than the fluffy fro.

Today was not a normal day, though, so Leo almost groaned as he realized his boyfriend was out there and there was no chance now that he could go back to his own dorm, take his sleeping pills and crash until the game.

"Hi," Jonah smiled as Leo walked out of the classroom, the last student out. He pocketed his phone, "how was the day?"

Leo shrugged, "it sure was a day."

Jon's eyebrows shot up, "that good?" he leaned in, grabbing the neckline of Leo's sand colored sweater, "can I cheer you up?" Jonah smiled, bumping his nose over his, minty breath in his mouth.

Leo recoiled as the smell of gum made his stomach roll, "no- I mean, yeah, you can, just... Let's ease up on the PDA."

That was so widely out of character for him that Jonah simply gaped.

"Uh... Are you feeling okay?"

"Why is everyone asking me this today?" Leo grabbed Jon's hand, forcing him to walk down the hallway, "I'm fine, I'm just in a bad mood."

"Because of the game."

"Because of the game," Leo agreed, nodding, "I just... Don't take this the wrong way, I'm ready for college to be over, just..."

"I got you," Jonah squeezed his hand back, then leaned in and planted a kiss on his cheek, "but I promise you it'll be a good change, not a bad one."

Leo sighed, leaning onto his touch. At least Jonah felt warm, a good change from the permanent chill that he had felt all day, "can we go home?"

Jonah shrugged, "the guys are all gonna be together before the game, are you sure you don't wanna go?"

He didn't want to miss out on that, since it'd be the last time ever, but... But he also just felt like he wanted to sleep and never wake up again, which normally shaped up to not having a good time.

"No, I wanna go home. I wanna sleep."

Jon frowned, but said nothing, intertwining their fingers.

Jonah wasn't like the others, he wasn't the chatty type and normally they could sit in silence for hours, but today he apparently had decided he really wanted to talk. For some fucking reason.

Leo stared at him, unimpressed, as Jonah rattled on and on about the hospital and the fact one of the interns had passed out seeing blood and Wendy this, Wendy that-

"Can you stop?"

"The car?" Jonah's eyebrows shot up, "why? Are you carsick-"

"No, stop talking," Leo grumbled, then regretted it, "I just have a headache, that's all..." he really didn't.

"Oh... Yeah, of course," Jonah nodded, sounding very confused.

Now that Jon had brought up being carsick, suddenly all that Leo could focus on was his stomach. The measly sandwich that he had forced himself to eat was just sitting there, heavy as a rock. Not digesting at all.

He placed a hand over his stomach, rubbing in small circles over his sweater. Thankfully they were already close to the apartment building, so the car came to a stop quickly.

Once again, the nausea faded, but this time it didn't vanish, just sat uncomfortably in his gut, annoying as hell.

"Leo?" Jonah called once he didn't get out after the car was parked. He circled the car and opened the door, "baby... Talk with me, what's wrong? This isn't you..."

"I don't know," Leo sighed, leaning in and planting his forehead to his shoulder, "I don't know, I don't feel well, my head-" he let out a little noise as Jonah combed his fingers through his hair. Leo didn't mean a headache, but he welcomed the soothing touch just the same, "I just wanna go to bed."

"Okay..." Jonah whispered, leaning in to plant a kiss on his temple, only to frown as he pulled back, "you're a little warm, baby."

"Jon," Leo groaned, "please, I just wanna go to bed."

He could tell that Jon wanted to argue, but for the moment, that could wait. They didn't talk as they went up to the apartment and Leo stripped by the door, paying Jonah no attention as he stomped to the bedroom and faceplanted the pillow.

"I got you some Tylenol," Jonah whispered, entering the room and sitting gingerly at the edge of the bed, "Leo."

"No," Leo shook his head, "no, I don't want that..."

"Well, I don't really care," Jonah ushered him to sit up, "take the meds."

Glaring at him, Leo took the pill dry, then promptly fell back down, "just let me sleep."

"You're welcome," Jonah said sardonically, then ran his fingers through Leo's hair, absentmindedly.

Next time Leo opened his eyes, he immediately knew something was wrong with him. His head felt like it was weighting a ton and he could barely sit up on the bed. Jonah wasn't in the room.

Leo all but crawled to the bathroom, splashing his face with water. He looked horrible, his face was all blotchy, pale in certain places and red where it had been pressed to the pillow, his eyes looked sunken in.

"Great," he mumbled, water dripping form his hair and causing him to shiver. To add insult to the injury, the tylenol he had had previously was sitting in his stomach just like the sandwich: like a fucking brick.

He pressed on his belly, forcing up a sick belch that tasted like acid, but nothing else happened. Leo groaned, his stomach felt disgusting, churning in rhythm with the pounding of his head.

Sure that nothing was going to come up, he walked out of the room. Jonah was sitting by the dining table, a bunch of papers spread around him.

"Hey..." Leo said tiredly, entering the kitchen area and filling up a glass of water, "what time is it?"

"a quarter to eight," Jonah looked up, "how are you feeling?"

"Great," Leo smiled. If he was honest he felt worse than before, but at least the overwhelming urge to walk into open traffic had gone to the backburner, as his body was much more interested now in the pounding of his head and the nausea bubbling in his belly. He'd take feeling sick any day over feeling depressed.

"You know, I don't believe you," Jonah rolled his eyes, jumping up and circling the table, "don't go anywhere, I need to get the thermometer."

"Jonah, I'm fine," Leo rolled his eyes, then squeezed the table under his hand, as the world took a minute too long to stop spinning, "you should've woken me up, now we're on a rush."

"I don't think you should play, you're looking... Awful, to say the least."

"Thank, Jonah, you always know how to charm me."

"I'm serious, Leo. You know better than to play with a fever."

"I don't have a fever anymore," Leo ignored him, walking back to the door so he could put the shoes he had previously ditched, "let's go."

Jonah glared at him, "you're so fucking stubborn."

"It's my last game ever, stop being a dick and let's go," Leo urged him, walking out without looking back.

It was clear Jonah did not agree with his decision, hence why Leo was driving and why his boyfriend had his arms crossed to his chest and looked ready to bite his head off.

"This is a very dumb idea. You're gonna crack your stupid head open. Again."

"Last time I did that we ended up dating," Leo shrugged, fighting to ignore the uneasy feeling that was spreading all over him. His mouth tasted weird, "maybe I'll land an even hotter doctor this time around."

"You're such a dick," Jonah snorted, but there was a ghost of a smile in his lips. He turned his head so Leo wouldn't see it.

The blonde smiled back, then gulped down nervously as his stomach clenched. His head felt woozy.

"Your parking skills are fucking atrocious," Jonah commented as they jumped out of the car and Leo rushed ahead of him to the locker rooms.

"You get so grumpy when things don't go your way," Leo rolled his eyes, entering the locker room and Jonah followed him in, as if he was still allowed there.

"There you are!" Vince shouted from across the room, "we thought you had died, I've been blowing up your phone."

"And you brought the deserter," Michael scoffed and Leo ignored the guy, moving to his locker in order to grab his clothes. Behind him, he could vaguely tell that Jonah was mouthing off Mikey.

"You," Lucas marched to him, "are not playing."

"What?" Leo scoffed, ignoring his captain and slipping on his jersey, "of course I am. You can't play without a cornerback."

"I'm aware. Alex is gonna replace you," he explained and Leo felt twice as nauseous as before. He gulped down, using the fact that his head was still inside the jersey to conceal it. Then he glared at Lucas.

"You can't bench me. I'm better than Alex and you know it, Luke."

"I... I'm not benching you, Leo. You're sick, I can tell you're running a fever from here and Jonah is hovering over you like a worried mom. You're super pale. I can't let you in the field."

"It's my last game," Leo forced his voice not to waver. Rationally he knew Lucas had a point... But it was his last game. He didn't want this memory to be him sitting in the bench, watching his friends enjoy themselves, outside of it all already. His head throbbed, "you can't bench me in my last game, Luke, please..."

Begging was weird, it made him feel off in a whole different manner. Six years before type of odd, begging-

"Leo?" Lucas frowned, his hands coming to cup the blonde's nape, "dude, are you alright-"

"Please don't bench me, please, I- I'll be better, I'll do better-" his stomach rolled and Leo's mouth filled up with bitter saliva. He swallowed in, almost gagging, "please-"

"Okay, okay..." Lucas looked panicked, then a new set of hands were on Leo. Jonah's delicate hands, coming to cup his cheeks, fingers dancing down to his neck.

"Leo, baby, take a deep breath."

"Luke's- Luke's gonna bench me, he's gonna replace me... Alex- He's going to replace me..." he said, heart in his throat, blood pumping in his ear. Lucas' shook his head.

"Leo, that's not what I meant! Leo, I- You just don't look well-"

"Lucas, shut up," Jonah snapped, without glancing back, "Leo, look at me? Hey, look at me."

With a lot of struggle Leo forced his eyes away from Lucas - who was replacing him with Alex, during his last game ever, who had made him beg just to be included-

"Leo!" Jonah shook him lightly, "look at me, baby."

He was looking at him, feeling his heart thumping in his ears, nauseous and shaky. His stomach sloshed uncomfortably with the anxiety running through him, rocketed up to his throat to stinge it with acid, but then settled back down, like a rough sea.

"Breathe, Leo."

He obeyed, or tried to, breathing in through his nose, then out through his mouth. In again... He wanted to throw up. Not even out of nausea, he just felt like he'd feel better if he did.

"Out, darling, you need to breathe out."

Slowly, very slowly, Leo felt like he was back in the locker room. Covered in cold sweat, shivering like crazy.

"Sorry..." he mumbled, feeling woozy and planting a hand inside the metal locker to support himself. Jonah looked concerned and Lucas looked frantic.

"I'm not benching you..." Luke said in the smallest of voices, "I'm- I'm sorry..."

"So I can play?" Leo asked, but he knew it was bad idea. He just couldn't bring himself to stop moving now, it was a snowball of bad decisions.

Lucas made a face, clearly he didn't want to agree, but then nodded.

Jonah frowned, "Leo..."

"I need this," he forced himself not to include the please at the end.

He was sure they were going to lose the minute they stepped on the field. Or better yet, he was going to lose it.

The lights were too bright and it was a really cold night, shivers running down his back, the wind clinging to the exposed part of his neck.

In the bleachers, Jonah was standing right next to Wendy, arms crossed to his chest, both dark heads together as they talked. Wendy looking at Leo worriedly, leaning in to whisper something to Jon.

"Leo!" Lucas snapped at him, in full captain voice, no longer his best friend.

Leo realized he had blanked a good full minute of the game, only to realize he had just allowed the wide-receiver of the opposite team to grab the ball. Well fuck.

He tackled the guy, attempting to minimize damage or stop the pass, but the wide-receiver was huge, Vince sized at least and next thing he knew he was receiving a sharp throw on his chest as the man quickly burled past him, throwing the ball to the next player of his team.

Leo didn't even feel the jab, he was already backpedaling to face the wide-receiver again, adamant he wouldn't do the same mistake twice.

By the time they reached the halftime break, he wasn't sure which way was up. The whole game felt fuzzy and Leo was aware he should be more in pain, considering the amount of times he had body tackled the wide receiver, but he couldn't really focus on anything.

"Wagner!" Coach Eric yelled after them as they slipped into the locker room, just as the cheerleaders took over the field. Leo stumbled forward bracing a hand on Spencer's back and the man jerked a little at the touch, before relaxing as he realized the heavy touch was just Leo.

"Wagner! Get out of my way Monacelli- Wagner!"

Leo stopped, bracing against a tiled wall, wheezing. Everything felt weird as hell, he felt like he was in a rollercoaster, as the world twirled around him, in and out of focus.

"What the fuck was that!? You were out of yourself, you got warned and if you don't behave you're getting disqua-"

Leo interrupted him by removing his helmet and promptly bending in half, throwing up his measly lunch all over the coach's shoes.

There was a general groan of discontent, some gasps, the coach himself shouting-

Leo stayed bent in half, hands on his thighs, his belly churning. He gagged again, spitting into the mess. He wasn't even nauseous, not really... Just really really weird and -

"I got you," Lucas grabbed his arm and stopped Leo from tipping to the side and collapsing, "I got you, c'mon, let's wash your face."

"I don't... I don't feel well..." Leo groaned and Lucas scoffed, dabbing his chin with a wet paper towel. He wasn't wearing the helmet anymore either and his dark brown hair was glued down with sweat, green eyes sparkling with worry.

"I can't tell if you have a fever, I'm too hot," Lucas said, but rested his warm hand on Leo's forehead anyway, their skin damp and clingy, "but I think you do."

"Okay..." Leo leaned onto his touch, wanting to collapse in a bed. He was starting to feel completely detached from his body, which was never a good thing, "where's Jon?"

"Vince went to get him," Lucas grabbed his arm, "let's move here..."

He led Leo to the opposite side of the locker room, sitting him down on the wooden bench.

"Water!" Lucas shouted and Leo almost laughed hysterically as he watched half the team scramble to meet the demand.

"You're such a spoiled-" he cringed as another wave of nausea hit him, "spoiled brat."

"My counselor calls it leadership," Lucas scoffed, crouching before him and patting his elbow, "arms up, you're cooking inside the uniform."

"Bossy as fuck," Leo groaned, but obeyed and allowed Luke to strip him, including from his protective undershirt. He shuddered with the sudden cold, but immediately felt a lot more alert, "Luke."

"Yeah?" Lucas was hardly listening, raising his hand to catch the water bottle Mikey threw him from across the room, "little sips."

"Luke," Leo grabbed the bottle, but didn't drink, "you have to get back on the field. Break's almost over."

"I don't-"

"It's fine. I'm okay, I'll just wait for Jon," Leo smiled, "go captain."

Lucas looked like he was choosing between which family member to shoot, much to Leo's amusement, "I'm fine, it's just a bug. I'll live. Go."

"I don't think-"

"ATWOOD!" Coach Eric yelled from across the room, "GET BACK IN THERE!"

"Go," Leo smiled, "go" and then, much to his relief and Lucas' too, Jonah entered the locker's room, alongside Vince.

Vin sped past them, offering Leo a concerned smile, but already slipping on his helmet. Jonah lingered behind, waiting until the last player was out before sighing loudly.

"Just say it already," Leo grumbled, staring at a spot between his feet and grimacing as his belly continued to roll. He waited for the inevitable I-told-you-so.

"How are you feeling, baby?"

Leo looked up, surprised and Jonah rolled his eyes at his shocked face, "I'm not going to scold you when you feel like crap and look worse."

He let out a chuckle, lowering his head back down, "thank you, Jon..." his stomach gurgled again, interrupting the good mood and making his mouth taste even more bitter, "pass me the bin?"

Jonah said something, moving the large trashcan of the locker room's closer and Leo turned his face away from it, briefly glancing at his boyfriend, "get out of here, Jon," he mumbled, his voice thick. He leaned over the garbage bin, spitting the awful taste.

"I'm not going anywhere," Jonah scoffed, sitting on the bench too and carefully planting a hand on Leo's forehead, aiding with the aim and support.

Leo groaned, bracing against the large bin. His stomach hurt, all the nausea he had been avoiding all day crashing onto him at once. He gagged, once, and then leaned forward, all but diving into the bin as everything he had ever eaten rushed out of his mouth.

He attempted to breathe, but his throat was burning and his nose too, it felt like he was drowning. There was a thump on his back, forcing up another burp and even more bitter liquid and Leo gasped for air, both hands white knuckling the trash.

"Fuck, Leo..." Jonah mumbled behind him, rubbing his back. He was applying pressure enough to dislodge another burp and Leo gagged as even more vomit splashed out of his mouth, now without him even having to heave.

He panted, feeling dizzy and empty, his stomach still churning uneasily, "I think..." a burp forced another gush of bile and he spat, clearing his throat forcefully to get rid of the sick taste, "I think I'm done."

"Uhm," was all that Jonah said, handing him a bunch of paper towels that Leo had no idea from where he had manifested them. The blonde's hand was shaking as he took them, cleaning the puke that had ran down his chin and blowing his nose.

Jonah squeezed his shoulder, "done?"

"Think... Think so," Leo nodded, throwing the paper towels in the large trash and pushing it away from him. He turned to look at Jon, just in time for his boyfriend to bolt up and brace against the sinks, gagging harshly.

Leo groaned, "Jon..."

"I'm fine," Jonah mumbled, before another heave wrecked through him, sending up a small stream of pink colored puke. He gagged again, closing his eyes and breathing through it, "I'm fine."

"Yeah, you look great," Leo sighed. He wanted to get up and help him, but his head was swimming and he didn't want to make Jonah's life even harder by crumpling to a pile on the ground, "I'm sor-"

"Not your fault," Jonah washed the basin and his mouth, splashing cold water on his face and then turning to look at him, "see? I lived."

It caused Leo to snort, in an amused way. Jonah's dark rich skin was a sickly shade of grey, but at least he retained the good humor. Whenever Jon was actually feeling sick, Leo had learned by now, his temper flared up.

"Yeah, you lived," he nodded, pressing a hand to his forehead, elbow to his knee as he folded in half, "I fucked up the game, should've let Alex-"

"Alex can choke for all I care, it was your night," Jonah scoffed, walking back to the bench and rubbing his back, "and you got to go out in style, hurling all over coach Eric's shoes."

Leo huffed, smiling, "I guess... I'm going to miss college, Jon."

The man opened a sympathetic smile and moved his hand up, squeezing his nape, "I know, baby-"

"No, you don't," Leo straightened up, voice strong, "I don't think... I know I wasn't happy until I came to college. Until I met you and joined the team and everything else... I'm terrified of this being over."

Jonah frowned, forcing their eyes to meet, "it's not over, Leo. I promise you, I'm not- I'm not just saying this so you'll calm down. I do get what you mean, I love my life now. I love my life with you, baby."

Leo let out a little sob, tearing up and then he slumped forward, melting against Jonah's chest. He felt a kiss pressed on the top of his head, Jon squeezing him tightly.

"There are greater and better things waiting for you, Leo," he promised, "and you're never gonna be alone like before."

[trauma-and-truffles]

Hopster walks into the small Library/Study of the house with lunch, as the good Baron as been forgetting to eat for the past day or two. He doesn't need food to survive, per se, but he normally doesn’t skip meals. So it’s odd that hes doing so now. He hasn’t even left the study either!

He wasn't at his desk, so she moves to his preferred spot on the sofa, where she finds him dozing, a book in hand. She rarely sees him asleep, and never in the middle of the day! On top of that, he looks unwell. She shakes him lightly.

Baron?

He jolts awake, taking a deep breath as he does so. Oh, I forgot you were here.

There's something wrong with you. What is going on? Or did you just unmask after a year and are now showing your true colors?

I have never hidden anything about me from you, Hopster.

Then what is going on?

Im just not feeling well.

Oh.. I- I made you some lunch.

Later. I’m not up for eating right now.

Hopster droops a little. Her love language is food, so it being rejected stings. She’s extremely fond of Larrey. He’s been a good support for her this past year or so, even before they fully talked to each other.

I’ll…I’ll just leave it here.

Mhm, I’ll eat it when I get up.

His eyes flutter closed once more. Hopster then leaves the room, much more worried than before. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Over the next few hours, he shifts in and out of consciousness, feeling dizzy every time he wakes. He hated to admit it, but it was terrifying. Something was wrong, and he knows it. He fights to stay awake, but eventually loses the battle, and remains unconscious, laying across the sofa; his favorite spot to read. Hopster looks in occasionally, before moving on to chores once more. She cleans the most used spaces in the house before moving onto her gardening. But today was different. Things felt wrong- right down to the weather, which was cold. He hates the cold, and always keeps it warm here. More worryingly, their flowers were wilting and withering away. Something felt seriously wrong. She hurries back inside, heading towards the study, more worried than ever about this spaces' creator. However, as soon as she reaches the stairs by the front door, a wave of dizziness hits her, and she slowly sinks to the floor. Unable to fight it like Larrey did, she passes out, sprawled out onto the first few steps of the stairs. The front door remains unlocked and slightly ajar. The house only grows colder.

[oddballcobblebot]

its so comforting to me to make headcanons of my favorite characters that are just traits of mine. like yes! oswald cobblepot has POTS!! and as someone who struggles with POTS a lot, its comforting to me to be able to give my own traits to him.

i have chronic painful headaches that are triggered by lights, smells, etc. my heart rate skyrockets when i stand up, i get dizzy and my vision starts going black or atleast blurry. sometimes its incredibly hard to get out of bed. i dont want to stand up. i dont want to be unable to breathe, hoping i wont actually pass out and it'll go away if i just stand and wait.

it gets so hard that i wont eat until i get nauseous from waiting too long, and i keep so many drinks by my bed so i wont have to get up and get anything else. it hurts, my body hurts from barely moving, my head hurts from being unable to take care of myself like i should. i still dont know whats fully wrong with me and what causes me to be that way, just that it hurts and its confusing and scary.

being able to project those types of problems onto such a comforting character like oswald helps me a lot. having someone struggle in that way, exactly like i do, makes me feel better about myself. like im not just begging for sympathy or pity, or wasting my life by never doing anything.

thinking about oswald struggling with all that yet still able to move on with life and go about his day like normal, not worrying about if he'll be able to get up and eat, or worrying about if hes taking too much medicine to make a headache go away. perhaps thinking about him having the proper help/medication/aids helps me a lot despite how stupid and cringe it may sound.

my headcanons about disabilities and health conditions help me a lot, they comfort me and make me feel like i deserve help, and i deserve to feel better as well

[invre]

Canon Mithrun things to note (this is me christening the hc tag with canon info just to get started hehe):

This man has the most awful sense of direction. He canonically came down some stairs, had a brief conversation, and went to go back up the same stairs. The Adventurer's Bible says, "Kabru suspects his memories of the time when he was lord of the dungeon are affecting him, and that his body just moves on its own." I don't think his body moves of it's own accord, but I do think it's the memories of his time as dungeon lord that caused this — though, I do also think he is simply directionally challenged, and probably always has been (to a lesser degree).

His poor sense of direction combined with teleportation magic can be... interesting. There's always a fair chance he'll miss with his attacks, but there have also been accidents in the past (here is the example with Misyl.......), so the people around him tend to get... nervous.

"The demon ate his desires, so his body no longer registers any". I will do a whole ass meta about this at some point, but a point here is that Mithrun does still have sensations such as hunger, thirst, etc. He still experiences these sensations; he just doesn't have the ability/desire to identify or respond to them. This is why he is forced to rely on others basically to keep him alive — if it doesn't directly relate to his task of slaying the demon, he sees no reason to do it. He won't sleep until he passes out from exhaustion, he won't eat until the dizziness actually interferes with his ability to perform his task — because he simply doesn't realise he has to.

The above includes his ability to identify his own mana levels. This post has some cool information about the magic system, but basically when you run out of mana entirely, you pass out. Usually, the first sign that Mithrun is low on mana is that he either passes out, or he develops symptoms of low mana (struggling to move, shortness of breath, headache, chills, lightheadedness and dizziness).

Mithrun is considered strong in comparison to tall-men/humans, but weaker than other elven soldiers.

Ryoko Kui said that post-canon, Mithrun is working (inspecting dungeons, monitoring monsters, etc) and has hobbies (sadly it seems things got mistranslated and he does NOT in fact open a noodle shop but I do think he tried making noodles for fun lmfao), he's living a happy and fulfilling life. But because he's "not very friendly" he's not taking on any diplomatic role for a while yet, lmfao

Canon: there's ants on him 😔

He said he was unable to fall asleep without either potions or spells (but Kabru managed to get him to sleep). Still, I think when he's alone, he's probably still reliant on potions most of the time.

"His subordinates don't really know how much personal space he wants." He doesn't really seem to have a preference, either way, although he probably does somewhere deep down and just feels no need to express it. Despite this general apathy, we see Mithrun tends to just kind of do whatever a lot of the time and will follow orders even from his subordinates— simply because he very much acts on the path of least resistance. Cithis put him in a dress and made him eat off the floor, and he just obediently did so because he had no reason to fight— he has no desire to save face or be respected. He only fights when she orders him to hurt Pattadol, because it would get him kicked out of the canaries. So personal space, you can probably just do whatever, and he won't really care much.

[hamsamwich23]

Writing will be very slowed/almost not done at all until further notice, aside from a one shot I owe a friend of mine on here.

The reason for this is below. (Venting and medical talk tw)

Since right before my birthday (September 23rd) I have been having a worrying amount of symptoms, including dizziness, lightheadedness, fatigue, chest pain, heart beating, hot and cold flashes, and more

These symptoms started up right after I recovered from a really bad illness going around and have not gone away since. I am having issues daily, I cannot walk without feeling lightheaded, at work the longer I'm standing the more I feel like I'm seconds away from passing out. I cannot fully keep myself balanced.

I have tried drinking more water, vitamins, eating healthier, exercising, getting more iron into my diet , and nothing is working.

I have reason to suspect that I may have POTS, acronym for Postural tachycardia syndrome

I have talked to two people about my symptoms. One a mutual who has POTS, and another, my friends partner who is currently specializing in nursing, and both have said that the condition sounds like either POTS or potentially chronic fatigue.

Regardless, I am currently trying to see a doctor about it. I have called three different places in my area, but they have all told me that all doctors taking new patients are booked until FEBRUARY, 2024.

I'm scared. I don't know what else I can do about this. I can't do anything anymore. I want to write and go out for walks and take pictures and play video games and call with friends. But Im struggling more and more to do these things. I'm at a loss. I just want answers and I want help.

Writing will definitely be on a hiatus until further notice. Aside from a one shot for my friend [xzbat-loverzx] that is long overdue, that i want to get done before i go on my trip in January. I'm hoping at the LEAST, I'll be able to see someone right before then. This trip is so, so special to me. I can't imagine being unable to go.

My dms will still always be open to friends and mutuals. I also have Discord and Insta that I can talk on. I just might not answer for longer periods of time depending on how I feel

Thank you all so much for being patient with me. I'm going to do my best to figure out for sure what's happening to me.

[dalgikiss]

I called for you but you did not come // t. kuroo

index

VII: addicted to the desperation

The princess looks out of place in the middle of the countryside, with her silk kimono and the gold decorations that adorn her hair and ears. She slides off her horse with help from one of her servants, and Kuroo immediately bows. 

Her sharp gray eyes do not miss the small camp set further behind him, across the hill. Kuroo keeps his head down and hopes his cat charm does not fall out from under his sleeve. 

“You may stand”

He straightens and she takes a step forward, black slippers making clouds of dust billow behind her. Kuroo swallows, golden eyes never straying from her gray ones. 

“My father,” she begins, and Kuroo grips the hilt of his sword, “My father has found out about the rebellion”

Kuroo freezes. The Princess scans his face, before continuing on. “He plans to make a move to stop the rebellion within three days' time. It will be hard for me to convince him to spare your life, should he find out you were working with them”

“Kuroo,” Your eyes are bright, hands full of fresh fruit, “Do you want to eat this with me?”

The Princess’s face has been carefully crafted into a poker face. “He currently suspects you with working with the rebels, although he is unable to confirm it”

“Kuroo, stop trying to bother Kenma!” Your laugh is sweeter than the birds that sing in the trees, sunshine filtering through the leaves. 

Kuroo holds his breath, unable to bring himself to meet the princess’s gaze. She continues on, her sharp gray eyes watching the way his knuckles grow whiter with every minute that passes, “He has asked me for my opinion, but I have not provided one, under the guise of needing some time to think.”

“I see,” Kuroo’s voice is barely but a whisper, “And what is it that you have concluded?”

“I have concluded that this group of bandits & misfits have become something special to you”

He swallows, unsure of what to say or do. 

The Princess continues on, taking his silence as a cue to continue speaking, “However, I have a proposition for you. I will do my best to mislead my father and keep your good graces with him, as well as give the commoners a chance to run. In return-“

Kuroo thinks his lungs may have just collapsed, the world dizzy under his feet as the Princess’s unforgiving gray eyes bore into his soul. 

“We must get married”

x.

Kuroo thinks he may have found heaven and it came in the form of your lips (Like he’s mentioned before, he’s a complete and total romantic). 

“Five more minutes,” He pleads with you, arms refusing to go from your waist, “Just five and I promise I will let you go without another hitch in the road.

You snort, struggling to get his arms away from you, although your efforts were in vain. Damn athletes, you were seriously contemplating beginning to work out after hanging out with Kuroo so much. “Yeah right, you’ve been saying that for the past 10 minutes. Kuroo, let go or you’re going to be late for practice!”

“I’m the team captain, practice doesn’t start until I walk in”

“You mean until Coach Nekotama walks in,” You correct him before admitting your defeat, sinking back down onto the bench and Kuroo grins wildly. Kenma, on the other side of Kuroo, merely rolls his eyes at the way Kuroo visibly perked up when you resigned before saving his game and putting it away. 

“I’m going to practice,” He announces, slinging his bag onto his shoulder. He takes a few steps forward before glancing back over his shoulder, piercing eyes staring Kuroo down, “I’ll be sure to tell Coach the reason why you could not be on time for practice was because you were too busy seducing a girl. Maybe he’ll make you do suicides until you puke, and [name] can watch and laugh at you”.

Kuroo blanches at Kenma’s threat, he knew all too well Kenma wasn’t joking. He scrambles to get up, hastily throwing his stuff into his bag before pressing his lips onto yours, a chaste goodbye and a promise to text you as soon as practice ends whispered against your lips before he rushes over to Kenma’s side.

You watch their figures disappear into thee gymnasium before bringing your fingers up towards your lips, gently tracing over them. 

You twisted your lips, reminiscing over Kenma’s words. Seducing a girl? As though you were just another girl Kuroo had set his sights on? Never mind the fact that you and Kuroo had never quite actually spoken about what the confession had meant for your relationship, if you could even call it that. 

As though to spur your anxious thoughts even more, Hime seemingly appears out of nowhere. 

“You know, only crazy stalkers sit by the gymnasium when the volleyball practice starts. I would have never taken you for one of them!” 

Your skin prickles at the sound of her sickeningly sweet voice. You clear your throat, matching the exaggerated polite smile on her face. 

“I suppose you would know, perhaps we’re much more alike than I’d like to admit”

She narrows her eyes, her smile being replaced with a scowl. You stand, brushing your skirt free from any dust. 

“It was nice seeing you again. Have fun with your stalker activities, I’m quite sure Kuroo would love to have another reason for you to stay as far away from him as possible.” You swing your bag over your shoulder, letting your shoes billow up clouds of dust in your wake. You can’t help but feel satisfied at the thought of Hime’s frustrated expression, but the smile that graces your face slides off within seconds, instead being replaced with something that feels heavy in the pit of your stomach when Hime yells something behind you.

“Don’t go thinking you’re special just because you kissed Kuroo. He hasn’t made you his girlfriend, so he’s still single!”

[lulubelle814]

Just Dizziness - Chapter 37

Two days. I'd been here two days, only leaving the bed long enough to use the loo. Soph brought me more comfy clothes from home to wear which sat on a chair in the corner since she got them. 

I was surprised but also disappointed Tom hadn't barged over when Sophie let me know yesterday what Ben told him. 

"He swore he wouldn't come over, but he needed to know. He’s bereft."

And she hadn't mentioned him since.  She wasn't here at the moment, having run to the store for some supplies and left Ben to presumably keep watch on me. 

"You know, you're really starting to smell."

Looking up, he was in the doorway. I simply glared at him, trying to make him go away. Yeah, I knew it was true, but I had zero ambition to take a shower, opting to isolate myself.

"Only my wife can scare me with that look. That was a half decent try though."  He moved into the room, sitting on the furthest corner of the bed. "He's really worried about you and keeps barraging me with calls and texts to see how you're doing. He feels like shit."

I started to cry. "Then why hasn't he reached out to me since I got here?"

He moved over to hug me. "I made him promise, on pain of death, to leave you alone and that you would reach out when you're ready, but Sophie or myself could pass on a message if you wanted."

I continued to cry into his shoulder. "You two will figure this out. Give it time, but you'll have to talk to him at some point."

"I know."

He released me and got up to leave.  At the door he turned back to me.  "You should at least open a window. It's starting to smell like the dead in here.”

I couldn't help but laugh a little. He smiled and let me be.  I didn’t know what to do next but knew I should at least bathe.  After a while, I peered into the guest bath, finally taking notice of more than just the toilet and the sink.  There were towels folded neatly to the side of the sink with shampoo, conditioner, and body wash in the shower.  Debating for a moment between a shower or a bath, It seemed that a shower might be the better choice.  I turned it on to let the water heat up before jumping in.

After a nice, long, hot shower, I returned back to the room I was (temporarily) occupying and put on my favorite pajamas that Soph had brought.  I thought more about Ben’s offer to pass along a message.  Part of me wanted to talk to Tom, but I didn’t know what to say.  I definitely wasn’t ready to see him, and my phone was still turned off.  In the meantime, I opted to read a book, though I couldn’t say what it was.  My mind was a sieve, and refused to hold any information whatsoever.  I kept thinking back to what Tom said.

I feel like I can’t win.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

It just kept circling in my head, unable to get it to stop.  Hearing a knock on my door, I lifted my head to see Sophie peering in.  “Look at you!  I’m glad you decided to finally leave this room, even if it was for just a few minutes.”

“According to Ben, I smelled like the dead,” I told her.

“He just cares about you and wants the best.  So do I.”  She moved towards me and sat on the same corner Ben had earlier.  “You feel up to coming downstairs for some food?  We were just looking at maybe some takeaway.”

“I dunno, Soph.”

“How about this then?  I can order some food and bring it up?  Maybe we could eat together?”  I could hear the hope in her voice.

“What about Ben?”

She laughed.  “Ben can sod off.  I’d rather have some girl time.”

Thinking for a moment, I agreed to her terms.  As she got up to leave, the doorbell rang.  We could hear Ben answer the door, but everything then went eerily quiet.  Rather than wait, Soph went downstairs to see what was going on, shouting,  “OI!  Did you order without me?”

A few minutes later, I heard the door close.  It was a bit longer before she came back upstairs with boxes of food.  Passing them over to me, I opened them to find they were from my favorite foods from that Chinese restaurant I love so much along with a bag of puddings from a very familiar bake shop.

“This smells amazing.  How did Ben know what I wanted?”

She looked at me a bit unsure.

“Soph?  What’s going on?”

She released a breath.  “That uh……wasn’t a food delivery service at the door.”

“Ok?”  I was confused until I realized as Sophie continued.

“It was Tom.  Said he wanted to give you the space you asked for but wanted to bring you something so you’d know he was thinking of you and that you were eating something.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me!  He promised he wouldn’t tell Tom anything!”�� I was quickly becoming furious until she put a hand on my arm.

“Ben didn’t say anything to him.  He was hoping, though, that he might get to see you, even for a moment.  I reminded him you would let him know when you’re ready.”

I took a deep breath before speaking again.  “I miss him, but I don’t know what to say.”

She pulled something out of her back pocket and handed it to me.  “He did ask me to at least give this to you.  It’s up to you if or when you want to read it.”

Looking at the envelope in her hand, I was stunned.  I couldn’t get myself to take it from her, and, seeing my hesitation, she placed it in the drawer of the bedside table.  “Read it when you want to.  It’ll be close to you but still out of sight.”

I nodded to her while she then proceeded to open a bunch of containers, handing me some utensils.  We ate mostly in silence.  When she realized I probably wasn’t going to say anything more, she started telling me about her trip to the store, but I tuned out, unable to focus on anything.  I couldn’t eat more than a few bites.

She said something, but I didn’t catch it.

“Huh?”  That was all I could get out.

“I was just asking if you were finished?”  

I nodded.  She wrapped the food back up and invited me to join her downstairs, but I declined.  After she left, I curled back up in bed.

Before I knew it, it was sometime after midnight.  It was completely dark in my room (save the lamp next to me), and Sophie had (at some point) curled up behind me almost like a big spoon.  I looked over to see she was asleep.  How could I have missed her coming in?  Rather than risk waking her up, I turned back over.

I started thinking about his letter, if I wanted to read it, but I knew myself better.  I missed having him near, his calming scent, his warm presence.  Slowly leaning over, I leaned over and pulled it out of the drawer, trying not to make any noise.

My dearest love,

I am an utter arse and should have listened more closely, been more understanding, and asked you how you felt, what you were thinking, and what I could do to best support you.  What happened to you was unfathomable, and I harshly overreacted.  I also should have been forthcoming with my feelings as well so we could work through this together.

I am nothing without you by my side.  If it was discovered that this reality was false, I would travel the multiverse to a reality where I could be with you.  You are my heart and soul, my northern light, completely lost without you.  There is not, and could never be a world where I am not utterly besotted by your mere presence and will spend every day for the rest of my life showing you how much I love and need you.

I am here whenever you wish to talk and will wait as long as you need.

Yours forever and always,

Tom

I didn’t realize I was crying until I felt Sophie hug me from behind, holding me until I fell asleep exhausted from crying.

Tom’s POV

Sophie looked like she would murder me when I stopped by with food.  I guess I was hoping to at least hear her voice, even for a moment, but Ben and Sophie shooed me off, promising she’d give my letter to her.

That was 24 hours ago, and I was coming apart at the seams, hoping for some kind of sign that she’d read it.  I looked over the messages I had sent her, looking back to the last message she sent.  

About to check out.  I’ll be home soon.

The irony.  She sent that when she went to get groceries almost a week ago.  I prayed to whomever was listening for some sort of sign that even if she wasn’t ready to see me that she had at least read my letter.  Trying to distract myself, I turned on the telly to an old movie, Casablanca.

“Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.”

I couldn’t stop myself from breaking down again because that’s exactly how we met.  What were the odds we’d be in the same coffee shop at the same time?  My life hasn’t been the same since, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I would go through these past few months all over again if it meant we could still be together.

A deep voice came from across the room.  “I came by to check on you.”

“Please, Ben.  Please tell me how she is.  I miss her so much.”

He went to the kitchen and grabbed 2 bottles of water, bringing them back to the couch.  “She’s about the same as you, mate.”

“Do you know if….” “Sorry, I don’t know if she read your letter.  If she has, neither she nor Sophie have told me.  Soph seems to have become more tight-lipped about what she tells me.” “I just need to know how she is, if she’s even considering speaking to me anytime soon.  The silence is deafening, Ben.”  I reluctantly took one of the bottles of water from him, opening it and taking a few sips.

“I wish I knew.  What I can tell you is that she ate at least some of the food you brought over the other night.”

That gave me at least a bit of solace, knowing she was eating.  She tended to starve herself without realizing when she became upset.  

“I beg of you.  If you hear of anything, ANYTHING I can do to help her, please tell me.  If she wants to be home without me, I’ll find somewhere to stay.  If she wants Bobby with her, please take him.  In fact, please do.  If she doesn’t want him there, I’ll happily come get him.”

He looked at me like I was a madman.  “If you really think that would help…..”

Launching off the sofa, I gathered a few things, practically throwing it at Ben before putting Bobby’s leash on, arms now overflowing with toys, food, and other items.

He looked at everything I gave me and raised an eyebrow.  “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“He’s been sleeping on her side of the bed and where she usually sits in here.  I’m pretty sure he misses her as much as I do.”

He sighed, resigned.  “Ok, I’ll bring him back with me, but I can’t make any promises about him staying.” “That’s completely fine.  And tell her I love her?”

He bowed his head as he went to the front door.  “I’ll make sure the message gets to her.”

It was so quiet again once he left, even more so with Bobby gone.  I relegated myself back to the couch, no longer paying attention to the movie playing before me; however, I found I couldn't pay attention to it.  My mind kept wandering back to her, hoping she’s ok and that I’d made the right call by sending Bobby to her.

When I heard the front door open, I scrambled towards the foyer as quickly as I could.

Chapter 38

[flintbian]

.

[husbandhoshi]

three’s a crowd [m]

pairing: haechan x jeno x f!reader

wc: 3.5k

summary: maybe you can have your cake and eat it too, although your friends certainly don’t make it easy.

notes: established relationship!haechan meets bff!jeno, pwp, college!au, sub!reader, threesome hijinks, slight exhibitionism, unprotected piv sex, oral (f and m receiving), spanking, cumplay, breeding, thigh fucking, slight degradation/dirty talk, embarrassing banter, mentions of alcohol

it’s not one of your finest moments, you think, when your top is off and haechan’s hand is up your skirt, and the door is just open enough to reveal a very stunned jeno.

if only any of you were drunk enough to have this be a distant memory in the morning—unfortunately, you learned too late that your faith in mark’s intuition was sorely misplaced when he showed up with half a handle of seltzers and the remnants of what looked like a world war 2 era vodka bottle.

worse, all it took was one sad blackberry white claw (that you split with haechan), a handful of risky texts, and mark passing out on the couch after one and a half shots to find yourself in the unfortunate position of being half-naked in your best friend’s bedroom.

“oh my god, jeno—,” you hiss urgently, but his deer in the headlights gaze does not waver.

your back is pressed against haechan’s chest and your legs tucked behind his to keep them spread—even if you wanted to shoo jeno away and shut the door you couldn’t.

“tell me if you want me to stop,” haechan whispers. he nips at your earlobe between words. “this ok with you?”

you feel jeno’s eyes burning holes into you (or your panties), and for some reason your brain has been astoundingly silent when it comes to even thinking about telling him to go.

jeno stands there, broad chest rising with another shaky breath, all flushed with his pupils blown out, and you’re coming to terms with the fact that, yes, there is something inexplicably hot about watching your best friend watch you get off.

you nod (perhaps a little too enthusiastically), and that’s all haechan needs to proceed.

a threesome is something you’ve all talked about before, and although you’d have preferred it to be much different (perhaps not on the goddamn ground, for starters), something about the impromptu nature of it all has your blood running hotter than normal.

haechan continues working you over, movements deliberate—he wants jeno to watch. his fingertips brush over the thin panel of fabric covering your cunt, dragging just enough to make you dizzy, as he kisses the side of your neck.

you’re not sure whether it’s the graze of haechan’s teeth over your pulse or the way you cannot seem to break eye contact with jeno, but your mind is everywhere and nowhere at once.

your resolve finally breaks when he pushes your panties aside (soaked) to lazily press on your clit.

“ah, shit,” you breathe, unable to stop your thighs from shaking and hips from bucking up into his hand.

another helpless moan, and jeno drops his empty seltzer can, something you would laugh at if you weren’t fighting the pathetic urge to cum just from some heavy petting.

“fuck,” he groans. it comes from his chest, a gravelly, deep sound, and even hearing it makes your toes curl.

“you just gonna stand there and watch?” haechan looks up from the littering of marks on your shoulder to meet jeno’s eyes. “look, i’d ask you out to dinner first before we all fuck, but i figure you’re more of a dessert guy?”

you fight the need to throttle your boyfriend for his inability to read the room, but he doesn’t stop playing with your clit, something he is regrettably very good at.

“yeah. fuck.” jeno’s sweatpants drop so fast they might as well be made of lead. you can see the outline of his dick through his briefs, and you wonder how big it is, how it would feel in your guts.

complicating things, haechan is now shallowly pumping a few fingers in you, taking care to press the heel of his palm into your swollen clit.

“haechan, fuck,” you moan, grinding into his hand. “i’m gonna cum—”

then he stops.

“aww, so fast. baby can’t handle the thought of being fucked in both holes, huh? getting all tight around me just thinking about it?”

haechan pulls his fingers out to slap your cunt, really just a few mean pats, but you’re so wound up, your whole body locks up and a pitiful whimper is ripped from your throat. he’s right, the only thing you want is to be split open right now, and the fake pity in his voice is doing crazy things to the building ache in your pussy.

“jeno,” haechan starts. “do you wanna taste?” he nips at your earlobe. “how’s that sound, baby? you want him to make you cum?”

“y-yes,” you plead. jeno stands there and blinks at you. “yes, now please hurry the fuck up.”

you think you can actually physically feel your life force dwindle away every three seconds it takes for jeno to undo a button on his mile-long button up shirt.

it’s some combination of the sheer desperation in your voice and the sight of your cunt, all slick and puffy from your arousal, that breaks jeno. (or maybe it’s the way haechan laughs, clearly enjoying watching two embarrassingly horny people try to get anything done.)

“fuck it.” jeno pulls his still half-buttoned shirt over his head and gets on his knees. oh my god, lee jeno is on his knees, but you barely have time to process anything else before things roll into motion.

haechan grabs your thighs and holds them spread, blunt nails digging into your soft skin. you feel the cold air on your cunt, the wetness dripping onto the ground. you’re shaking with anticipation and right now there is nothing more you want than for jeno to eat you out.

the first touch of his tongue to your pussy sends your back arching so hard you almost pull a muscle, and you cry out.

“fucking dirty, huh? you like watching yourself getting eaten out by your best friend?” haechan asks in a low voice, moving his hands up from your legs to play with your tits, giving them a hard squeeze.

“m-mmhm—” you can’t move; you’re caged between these two bodies, and all you can do is take the pleasure as it comes to you like a speeding train.

you’re a moaning mess, your hands tangled in jeno’s hair as he licks your cunt dry. you’re bucking into his face, but he grabs you by the hips and pulls you closer to him. he’s so eager, you can’t decide if he’s just experienced or if doing this to you has ever crossed his mind, but both possibilities make you a little dizzy.

as if he’s read your mind, haechan starts, “she’s so mean, huh, jeno?” jeno kisses your clit at about the same time haechan bites your collarbone, and you twitch pathetically in haechan’s firm embrace. “my baby’s getting all worked up from seeing you on your knees, knowing you can’t have her?”

jeno nods fervently but never once unseals his mouth from your cunt, and you just might positively cry.

you feel his tongue first in your slit, lapping shallowly at your walls, and his nose bumps your clit; the dual stimulation makes you teary-eyed with pleasure. then, he moves to suck the bud, and a finger prods at your entrance before pushing in. he’s shy, but the literal intensity he’s eating you out with is giving you a near out of body experience.

“fuck, jeno, you’re so—fuck,” you groan, head lolled to the side as he finger fucks you. “take notes, haechan,” you heave in between breaths, and, knowing you, he scoffs in reply (rightly so. it’s almost terrifying how he seems to know your pussy better than you.) and rolls your nipples between his fingers. it’s such a small thing, but you swear the sensation goes straight down to your core.

“more, more,” you beg, hurtling towards a second orgasm.

“she has the audacity to ask after saying that?” you can easily visualize your boyfriend rolling his eyes, but you choose to focus on the telltale smile he presses to your cheek instead.

anyhow, you’re lucky jeno’s nicer than haechan—he immediately complies, adding a second digit. his fingers feel so thick in you, and you savor every moment of it. the pads of his fingers drag against your walls as they curl nicely, adding to the building pressure in your stomach.

it doesn’t help how he moans every time you jerk into him, and you truly feel powerless in the best way possible.

haechan watches intently, and you can tell he’s enjoying the show even if he’s not participating much in it. his cock is rock hard, pressed up against your back, and it’s driving you crazy how you want to fuck both men so bad.

“jeno, i’m—” he knows even before you get the words out, and he pumps two fingers in you, tongue flicking your bud. and you cum, hips arching and voice almost raw from moaning.

he sits up to kiss you, more tenderly than you’ve ever imagined, and you melt in it.

it’s no secret that you had the biggest crush on him when you were kids, back when you were neighbors. he was the boy next door of every girl’s dreams, and it certainly didn’t help how he, as loyal as ever, spent nearly every second of every summer by your side.

of course, as times changed and feelings faded, you both quickly realized things worked much better as friends (to both your mothers’ dismay). somehow, jeno predicted you and haechan falling in love before either of you ever saw it coming.

(you remember it clearly. no one ever argues that much! he had said in his characteristically level voice, although his sheer conviction admittedly terrified you. and in true best friend fashion, when he eventually was proven very right, he made you buy him a milkshake.)

now, as you savor the almost ethereal sight of jeno wiping your cum off his chin, you now know sometimes you can have your cake and eat it too.

“got more left in you?” haechan asks nicely, but you know it’s more of a command. “hope you’re ready to take two cocks at once.”

you’re still catching your breath, but it seems your body has already decided, as you nod quickly. “only one way to find out,” you croak. “but can we please do it on the bed?” haechan laughs at your insistence, but it’s the warm, melty, the in love kind of laugh.

“spoiled, are we?” is his reply, but both men help you up onto the bed. and it’s a goddamn blessing no one is thinking straight enough to notice that you’re about to get railed on the sheets your childhood crush sleeps on.

your cheeks are colored with both humiliation and anticipation as you settle on all fours—you’re really letting your cunt take charge, but who can blame you?

it seems haechan is being generous today, and he positions his cock between your lips and lets jeno kneel behind you.

“ready?” he asks you quietly, tipping your chin up with an index finger. it’s almost intimate, tender, save for the fact you are about to be fucked in two holes.

instead of answering, you lean forward and take his cock in your mouth, at first shallowly to tease him a little. the weight is warm and familiar on your tongue, and you suck hard around his weeping cockhead.

“shit, fuck,” haechan groans, carding a hand through his hair.

jeno doesn’t miss a beat. he slides his cock in between your pussy lips a few times for prep before you feel him push in first slowly, then all at once.

your eyes roll back into your head. fuck, you knew jeno was big—but not that big.

you moan around haechan’s dick, and he pushes right back into your throat, causing you to gag.

“aw, shit, sorry,” haechan says, tucking your hair behind your ears and moving his hands to cradle your cheeks. “jeno, what are you waiting for? don’t you know how to treat a lady?”

“actually,” jeno starts. he’s trying to sound casual, but you hear the grit of his teeth as you pulse around him. “i was going to ask you the same thing. how is she so fucking tight if you guys fuck all the time?”

he rocks out and then in again, still shallowly as you adjust to his girth. you swear you can feel every goddamn vein on his dick with how he’s splitting you open.

you don’t want to stop sucking haechan off, but you are seriously wrecked—something about jeno’s voice is dark, dangerous, and you really want to cum again.

“jeno, please,” you finally say, trying not to sound too desperate.

and so he fucks into you properly, hips slamming into your ass and hands digging into your sides, enough to bruise. those damn soccer players, you briefly think, but he makes sure even that thought is fucked out of you.

the momentum has you mouth fucking haechan, who has his eyes wrenched shut in pleasure. you can’t take your eyes off him—he’s so pretty, moaning loud as you suck him off hard.

“he’s ruining my view,” jeno tells you, jerking a thumb at haechan.

“fuck you,” he replies. “never inviting you to a threesome again.”

and you would deeply resent the fact that it’s not just haechan who can’t read the room if you weren’t grateful you still had the wherewithal to laugh for a brief moment before you keen in pleasure again.

it seems like jeno’s close, with the way he’s fucking you more erratically. your throat squeezes around haechan as you struggle to keep a lid on your moans; every time you take him down that far, you feel the glorious feeling of his hands wrenching up in your your hair, hear the voice you love so much.

jeno’s quick and dirty—when you feel his dick twitch in you as he gets closer, he reaches between your thighs and presses your clit ever so softly.

“oh fuck, jeno, fuck, fuck,” you cry out as haechan’s dick slides out of your mouth with a slick pop. he sits back on his feet and lazily strokes himself, content with watching you get railed hard.

“close?” jeno asks, applying more pressure to your clit. he slows his pace, instead deciding to fuck you deep and hard.

you hang your head, thighs shaking and voice quivering. “so close, jeno— please—” blinking through teary eyes, you watch haechan’s hand twist over his cock so expertly, and you revel how he also takes pleasure in how utterly fucked out jeno’s cock has made you.

with another careful touch to your clit, jeno sends you over again, dick hard against your walls and moving so slowly you can feel every inch of it. you cum so hard, he groans when you clench around him, and he cums like this too and fucks you through both your orgasms.

“h-haechan, it’s so much,” you moan, gripping at the sheets with white knuckles.

“yeah? jeno, fill her up,” haechan orders, and god, it’s so good, so warm and wet and sloppy in your spent pussy.

you’re shaking, and you can feel jeno’s cum leaking out of your hole as his dick slides out. “haechan...” you manage. “you didn’t cum.”

you look up, only to see him smiling. “oh, you didn’t think we were done yet, did you?”

you swallow hard.

“watch and learn, jeno.” haechan positions himself behind you.

jeno, already satisfied and basking in the warmth of his orgasm, is content with laying back against the headrest and watching (how does he still look like a greek god?).

first haechan grabs a fistful of your hair, then pushes you into the sheets. you can’t help but whimper a bit. he’s been rough before—but something tells you he wants to put on a real show.

and then you feel his other hand come down hard on your ass.

“fuck,” you moan into the pillow. you’ve cummed twice now, but your hole clenches in anticipation. you feel more cum leak out of your hole and onto the bed. there’s more on the apex of your thighs, warm and milky and sticky.

“jeno, you seeing this?” haechan asks, horribly confident grin plastered on his face.

“fuck—” jeno’s hand finds his cock again, and he starts playing with himself.

he slaps your ass again, and you keen into the sheets. then his hand rubs over your skin, hot and smarting, and it takes everything you have not to lean up into his touch.

haechan slides his dick between your lips, coating it with cum. “you wanna get filled up, huh? walk home with cum down your legs?”

“p-please...need you to cum in me.” you’re humiliated, this is absolutely mortifying. the words just fall out of your mouth without a second thought, but part of you loves it, and you know your boyfriend does too. and jeno is staring so hard, you’re surprised no one’s told him to take a picture so it lasts longer.

with your head in the sheets and your hole literally dripping, he fucks you. hard. harder than jeno, who seemed to retain a bit of romance and apprehension.

you cry out, muffled by the pillow.

“he said i don’t fuck you hard enough,” haechan says to you, jaw clenched. “what do you think?”

you can’t even form a complete sentence, and you just whine into the pillow. your voice comes out in bursts, like he’s knocking the sound out of you.

haechan would never let you forget how good he is with his hips, and with every time he draws back and fucks into you, you swear you’ve never felt anything better.

“fuck, you’re still so tight,” he swears. “bet you like this, huh, slut? just a fucking cocksleeve for us?”

“mm—mhm—”

then he pulls you up by your hair, and your back arches up, causing his dick to angle so good against your walls, hitting your g-spot just right.

“fuck—yes, yes,” you gasp. “please please please please—”

“what’re you asking for, honey?” haechan asks, cruelly pulling out to fuck his cockhead between your thighs, all sloppy with cum. “what do you think she wants, jeno?”

you glance over and see jeno stroking himself off, eyes transfixed on you. and unlike anything you had ever thought possible, he leans forward to clasp your jaw in his big hand. the added weight alone parts your lips slightly, and all you can do is gaze back at him with your glazed over eyes as you feel haechan’s rock hard cock fuck itself between your legs.

“use your words,” he tells you, thumb pressing right on your tongue so you can feel him. and you pray, pray, no one ever talks about this day again because you whine so loud, you think you might as well have woken mark up from his coma on the couch.

“f-fill me up,” you babble. “need your cock, channie.” and the second jeno takes his palm out from under your chin, you buckle back into the sheets with the impact of haechan bottoming out into you.

“fuck, you’re already knocked up with jeno’s cum. can you take another load? huh?”

“y-yes, yes.” you close your eyes tightly, bracing for another orgasm. his dick is swallowed by your fluttering walls, all you feel is tight, warm, and messy for him.

“so fucking good for me, huh? pussy’s gonna look so pretty all plugged up, fuck.”

you take a hazy glance to your side and see jeno’s hips canting up into his fist. you think about how his dick is covered in you and it sends sparks to your cunt.

you can tell haechan is close too, as his rhythm falls apart and he just fucks you deep and hard.

“kiss me,” you breathe, propping yourself up on your forearms to look back at haechan. through the waves of pleasure rocking through your body, you can even admire him now, his broad chest and the way he looks at you with such devotion.

and when he leans towards you, desperate and eager with love, to seal your lips in a kiss that makes you dizzy, it offers jeno a glimpse of what your relationship is really like. haechan moans into your mouth, submitting easily to your touch, and you can hear jeno’s cry when he cums on his chest (the damn hopeless romantic).

but you’re no better, and as haechan catches your bottom lip between his teeth, you both hit your high, and you feel his cum shoot up into your hole. it’s so warm and wet feeling, and you wonder if it’ll feel like that for days.

you collapse onto your stomach. walking seems like a distant dream, and your entire lower body feels like wet jello. but it doesn’t matter, because haechan plants a kiss on the top of your head and all feels right in the world.

“where are you going?” you croak as you feel jeno’s weight leave the bed.

“i’m getting you a wet towel. you guys can stay here and keep being all gross or whatever.” jeno slips his briefs on and opens the bedroom door. “you’re welcome, by the way.”

“still uninvited from the next threesome,” haechan calls after him, laughing when jeno merely flips him off in reply.

you’re drifting in and out of what just might be the fattest nap of your life when you hear mark holler from downstairs.

“shit man, where’d your clothes go?!”

jeno doesn’t respond.

“what the fuck did i miss!”

you and haechan can only laugh.

[elysianslove]

haikyuu boys and tropes that suit them!

includes: kageyama tobio, iwaizumi hajime, oikawa tōru, sakusa kiyoomi, miya osamu, miya atsumu, suna rintarō

(possibly part 1??? consider this an apology for not posting as much 💔)

kageyama tobio — practice kissing. 

kageyama is, as embarrassing as it is for him to admit this, inexperienced, greatly so. he’s in his third year of high school, 18, and is yet to have his first kiss. college is approaching him dauntingly quick, and he doesn’t think he can handle being as clueless as he is for any longer. so while you’re sat on his bed scrolling through his phone, he bluntly asks you if you’ve ever kissed someone. he seemed so confident, and the words were straightforward and lacked any sign of anxiety or uneasiness. but the moment they left his mouth, he’s red in the face and his hands are shaking. when you agree to help him practice, he’s scared, shy, flustered, and his heart is in his throat, but he lets you lead the, setting the pace yourself as you sit before him, his face in your hands, pulling him closer to you. it’s electrifying, to put it to the least. he’d heard a million horror stories from his upperclassmen about first kisses, but he finds himself unable to relate. everything about the kiss and you is perfect, and he asks for more practice, starts looking forward to theses ‘sessions.’ he starts growing more and more confident, until he’s the one flustering you, the one making you gasp and squirm and mewl, not the other way around. and maybe he’ll find it in him to confess. maybe. 

iwaizumi hajime — friends to lovers. 

in general, with iwaizumi, he has a hard time believing in that he’s meant for a relationship, in that he has his own person, and for many reasons. he tries to be rational about it, saying he has other priorities at the moment, that he won’t be able to give his all, that he’s not particularly ready or in the right headspace/situation to commit to a person and a relationship. but it’s also, deep down, because of this indescribable fear of not being enough, of his flaws being too much, of being too imperfect. he just chooses not to get a headache over it, honestly. that’s why friends to lovers is perfect for him. it’s this person who he’s known for a long time, someone he’s come to know so well, so deeply, and vice versa. they’ve seen the bad and good of each other, been through all the ups and downs, learnt all their quirks, their habits, their tendencies. this is someone who is already a priority, someone who is already a constant. of course, he still hurts his head thinking about how wrong it is to have feelings for his friend, and the shame and guilt eats at him from the inside out. but it’s just so— easy. to love them. it’s so, so easy, as easy as breathing. and iwaizumi spends such a large amount of time pining and yearning that the final straw, the snap, the breathless confession, is so satisfying. 

oikawa tōru — enemies to lovers. 

oikawa wants and needs someone that’ll both keep him on his toes, always pushing him to the very edge but not completely over. he needs someone that excites him, someone that he has to work to earn. the word enemies is blurry to him. all he sees is someone playing hard to get, and he takes it as a challenge. it’s not that he wants and needs everyone to be in love with him and how dare you not be swooning at the sight of me!! it’s more that this person intrigues him impossibly. this person challenges him, bites back, and bites back hard. and the transition from enemies to lovers is so smooth with him, because it’s unpredictable and unexpected. one moment you’re swearing at him across the hall, the next you’re tenderly massaging at his injured knee and reassuring him of his hard work and efforts. it’s beautiful, really. the snarky comments and the flirty comebacks and the glares returned with playful grins, and them the moment of realization that opens up a whole new door that this person isn’t so bad after all. the satisfaction of finally giving in, either so slowly, so carefully and timidly, or rushed, hurried and desperate. so good. 

sakusa kiyoomi — there was only one bed! 

sakusa does not share. it’s nothing personal (sometimes it is), but he just prefers to have his own private space, where he can be comfortable. but things happen! like a trip where you’re stuck in the same room! and there’s only one bed! and the person you’re stuck with is the same person you’re very confused in regards to your feelings about them! the trip is a couple of days, and so it starts with the offer to sleep on the couch. it’s very uncomfortable, but he does it anyways, because a) he’s a gentleman, and b) you both now each have your private, safe space. two days pass, and you both tiredly pass out on the bed next to one another. he wakes up before you in horror and falls onto the couch quickly, but he doesn’t fall asleep again. as if this were fate’s play, you find yourself unable to sleep, and neither can he, so you quietly scoot over, a silent invitation. reluctantly, he accepts. he doesn’t spend that night sleeping either, instead simply stares at you, his hand outreaching for you, but not quite touching. eventually comes a day when he wakes up with your face buried in his shoulder, and although his cheeks are as warm as ever, he doesn’t feel uncomfortable. he only feels grateful to be finally touching you. 

miya osamu — soft only for their lover. 

it’s not that osamu is rude to others, or hates everyone else, or anything along those lines. it’s more that he’s less likely to open up, be vulnerable, be softer, easier than compared to with his partner. with his lover, he smiles easier, expressions are readable, his eyes always a dead giveaway to what’s on his mind. he’s colder and less approachable to others, but it’s almost as if his resolve melts the moment he spots his lover. he could be yelling at someone, angrily, then turn to his partner and in the softest voice say, “just a moment, my love,” and go back to yelling as if it were completely normal. similarly, he will always take his lover’s side of the argument regardless of whether they’re right or wrong. and, he’ll be kissing his lover, but pause for a moment to deck his brother, then return to kissing his lover again even softer. it’s because his lover owns such a big part of his heart, and when osamu loves, he loves with every part of him. he’s been called out on it multiple times; the fact that he’s so much meaner and harsher and stubborn with everyone else, including his brother, but it’s always the opposite with you. you are his soft spot, really, and it tickles your tummy whenever you notice the little changes and shifts in his attitude and personality when it comes to you. 

miya atsumu — enemies to lovers. 

unlike with oikawa’s case, you and atsumu genuinely hate each other. you despise his attitude, his cockiness, his ideals, his approaches, his voice, his hair, everything, and likewise, he can’t stand you. he’d only ever been rude to you, and in response, you’d defended yourself by being equally as rude. this isn’t playing hard to get enemies, this is i hate your guts enemies. rarely does being in a room with him not result in some sort of argument. your mutual friends are all fed up, of the arguments, the fighting, the smack talk behind one another’s backs, the complaining, everything. it’s infuriating, and so they beg you to talk it out, to try and resolve whatever it was going on between you, but either he wouldn’t cooperate, or you wouldn’t. it seemed hopeless, until at some point in time, you get badly hurt, maybe mentally or physically, but atsumu finds himself worried unbelievably. it’s irrational to be, especially with your history with one another. but he’s worried, insanely so, and when he finds you, finds out you’re okay, or you will be, the relief that fills him is dizzying and so, scary. but maybe the both of you were just projecting onto each other, the fact that you so badly wanted each other but felt like you couldn’t do anything. 

suna rintarō — brother’s best friend. 

it’s a dash of forbidden love, a dash of friends to lovers. he’s your brother’s best friend, older than you, and it’s wrong, you know it is, but you can’t help it. on the days he’s invited over, you purposely make sure to stay at home, and you make excuses to pass by your brother’s room constantly, to talk to him. he knows you like him, knows you’re desperately chasing after him in your own subtle way, and for a while, suna lets you. he acts dumb, none the wiser, lets you have your little fun of sneaking snaps of him to send to your friends and when you purposely press your leg against his sitting next to him on the couch or when you offer your lollipop after you suck on it. he indulges you, slightly, subtly. and when he sees it suitable, finds it right, he starts to return the advances: he accidentally arrives a little earlier than planned to your home when he’s invited, and he passed by you in school more often, and he makes up excuses to text you all the time. eventually, the sexual tension is unbearable, suffocating, incredibly overwhelming, and when it snaps, nothing else matters. just the two of you. he’s experienced, good with his words and his hands and his mouth and he’s a dream. and all you do is fall deeper, and deeper, and deeper. 

[still-astray]

I have another request 😭 so basically Sophie gets told by a rude staff that she has to go on a diet. Since she’s still growing it’s bad for her health and she loses a lot of weight and passes out. When she does Stray Kids storm JYP ENT and the other JYP idols find out like ITZY TWICE NMIXX and they are pissed so they rip JYP a new one until he tells them that she was only supposed to lose a kilogram. Because of that JYP is also angry so the staff is called in and Chan has to be held back before he beats his booty a new one. Then Sophie wakes up. Her self confidence is a bit low because timeline wise this is after the bullying incident but the group just allowed her to do stuff without the buddy system. But SKZ raise it back up. 🍿⚾️ it’s a bit messy bc I just got back from school💀

a/n: i am so sorry this is later than usual!! i didn’t have a lot of chances to write today 😔 anyway here you go!! hope you enjoy <3

Fifteen

sophie encounters yet another challenge of being an idol

genre: angst

word count: 1.8k (scenario only)

warnings: extreme weight loss, fainting, displays of anger (no one gets hurt!), brief mention of hospitals, brief swearing, underlying theme of bodyshaming, brief bodyshaming mentions

•🧚🏻‍♀️•

“Hey, Sophie, why aren’t you eating?”

Sophie froze, chopsticks poised to push more meat around in its bowl. “I’m… just not very hungry,” she fibbed, praying that the boys wouldn’t push for more information.

“I get that you’re trying to stay thin, Sunflower,” said Hyunjin, looking concerned, “but remember you’re still growing. You’ve got to eat enough to stay healthy.”

“I’m still in the recommended weight for my size and age,” mumbled Sophie, taking a tiny bite of meat and praying that nobody would ask her how much she weighed.

“Won’t be for long if you keep eating like that,” pointed out Seungmin.

If you only knew.

•🧚🏻‍♀️•

“Oh wow!” Sophie straightened up and looked around, amazed at her new view. “Good gracious, Kai, you’re tall.”

Hueningkai chuckled and looked up at the small girl perched on his shoulders. “Like it up there?”

“Heck yeah.” Sophie voiced her pleasure in English, unable to remember the Korean words anyway.

Beomgyu and Natalie strolled out of the cafe, each one carrying a tray. “How’s the weather up there, Soph?” called Natalie teasingly.

“Kinda warm,” replied Sophie honestly. “I miss having shadows to stand in.”

“Welcome to my world,” quipped Hueningkai as he let her scramble down to sit at the picnic table with the others.

Beomgyu began passing out snacks and drinks. “Soph, why’d you only get a smoothie?” he asked, passing her the strawberry banana drink. “Usually you’re starving around this hour.”

“You’re not on a diet, right?” asked Natalie, concerned. “You’re already so thin.”

“N-nope, I’m fine.” Even as she said to, her voice began to shake just a little bit.

“How are your members letting you go out without them now?” queried Hueningkai. “I mean, the way Jeongin told Beomgyu, seemed like you’d never get to leave the dorm again.”

Sophie giggled despite feeling a bit dizzy. Probably just the heat. “Seungmin finally convinced Chan that I’d forget how to interact with people if he didn’t let me get back to normal life.”

Sophie sipped her fruit-flavored drink, hoping the frostiness would cool her down. She really was starting to feel weird.

“It’s so stupid that people are so against coed groups,” said Natalie, shaking her head. Her short, dyed-blonde hair brushed against her jawline, and Sophie thought that she saw black clips holding it back. But a moment later, the clips had moved. Sophie blinked, and more spots appeared.

Inwardly freaking out, she nudged Hueningkai. “I don’t feel so good,” she mumbled to him before slipping to the ground.

Hueningkai caught her before her head hit the concrete, picking her up and laying her down across the bench. Beomgyu and Natalie already had their phones to their ears. “Yes, hello, we need an ambulance,” Natalie said, surprisingly calm for the emergency situation.

“Hey, Jeongin- uh, where’s Chan?” Beomgyu asked into the phone. “Hey, Chan- so we were just sitting here having a snack and Sophie just passed out- hello? Hello? Wait, he what? Then why do I hear everyone else running too- Jeongin? Jeongin?”

“What happened?” Hueningkai asked, since Natalie was still on the phone.

“I think Stray Kids is storming the JYP building,” Beomgyu related, not really looking like he believed it himself. “Chan said something about too thin before he tossed the phone back to Jeongin.”

“Diet?” guessed Hueningkai, taking another look at the very thin girl lying unconscious on the bench.

“Probably, but why that much weight loss is beyond me.” Beomgyu shook his head.

<meanwhile>

“Damn it!” Completely forgetting to watch his language, Chan tossed the phone back to Jeongin and ran out of the room, snapping to himself about “should have realized why she’s suddenly so thin” before he dashed out of earshot.

Like a match in a roomful of gunpowder, the anger exploded through the room, spreading to the other members as they too sprinted from the room. Only Hyunjin remained behind, dialing a number into his phone.

<back at the cafe>

Natalie finally got off the phone. “Ambulance is on its way,” she reported. “They want one of us and one of her members.”

“Her members are currently-“ began Beomgyu, but was cut off by his phone ringing again. “Hyunjin?… Yeah, I was going to call one of the TWICE members to fill in for you guys, but I guess that’s not necessary now… Okay, just come here to the cafe, I’ll send you the location. See you soon.” He set his phone down on the table. “Hyunjin figured that a member might be needed in some way or another, so he didn’t join the rampage.”

“The what?!” demanded Natalie.

“Stray Kids are storming the JYP building,” Beomgyu told her. “And from what Hyunjin said, it sounds like other groups found out really fast and have joined in.”

<at the JYP building>

If one had been practicing in any random practice room along a certain hallway that day, they would have heard what could be compared to a stampede outside the door.

In truth, it kind of was a stampede. A stampede of idol groups ready to defend Stray Kids’ adorable, sweet maknae.

It wasn’t just Stray Kids running for justice now; somewhere along the way TWICE had heard the news of Sophie’s blackout, and had joined the younger group. Then ITZY found out, and then NMIXX. Now there was just a crowd of idols running through the halls, not really even thinking about what they were going to do when they reached JYP except for find out what was going on.

Upon reaching the office, Chan was the first one inside, followed by Changbin. Sana and Nayeon from TWICE slipped in next, followed by ITZY’s Ryujin and NMIXX’s Lily. The others crowded where they could, whether that be at the back of the office or standing outside the door.

JYP looked very surprised to see the unexpected visitors. “What’s going on-“ he started to ask, but Chan interrupted. “I want to know why my maknae passed out today due to losing too much weight!”

The other idols chimed in, each adding their two cents until the office was in an uproar. Finally, JYP managed to calm them down enough to say his piece.

“It’s not like that,” he said.

<at the hospital>

Hyunjin paced the small ER room, occasionally glancing at the sleeping Sophie to see if she’d awoken yet; however, each time he was disappointed.

“Relax, Hyunjin,” advised Beomgyu, looking just as tense as Hyunjin. “She’ll wake up on her own time.”

“85 pounds,” muttered Hyunjin, ignoring Beomgyu for the moment. “She’s supposed to be at least in the nineties!”

“Hyunjin.” Natalie’s voice broke through his cloud of distress. “Sit down. Breathe.”

Hyunjin exhaled, too frustrated to do either of those things. “She wouldn’t eat, not even when we suggested American foods,” he mumbled. “Stupid, stupid diets. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid-“

“H-hyunjin?”

<JYP’s office>

“It’s not like that.” JYP sighed, looking extremely regretful.

“Then explain what it is like,” snapped Ryujin, her eyes flashing fire.

“She was only supposed to lose two pounds-“

“She was already only 100 pounds!” exclaimed Changbin angrily. “Are you trying to tell me that 98 pounds is healthy?”

“98 pounds is still within the recommended weight limits-“

“But it’s not technically healthy?” interjected Nayeon, her arms folded.

“It’s a healthy enough weight and considering her role in the next-“

“Whoaa,” interrupted Chan, alarmed at the potential spoiler. “Okay, so she was only supposed to lose two pounds. How did that turn into fifteen?”

JYP gaped. “Fifteen???”

<Sophie’s ER room>

“H-hyunjin?” The small, weak voice coming from the bed cut straight to the older member’s heart, as much relieving him as hurting him that she sounded like that.

“Sophie.” He was at the bedside in one step, embracing the confused girl in a long hug. “You scared us so bad.”

“I- I’m sorry,” mumbled Sophie, her voice muffled by his hair in her face. “But I still don’t know what’s going on…”

“You passed out while we were at the cafe,” explained Beomgyu, trying his best not to run around leaping for joy that she’d finally awakened.

Sophie nodded, still looking confused. “I didn’t eat anything, did I?”

“No, you’ve not eaten in two days,” said Hyunjin crossly, still hugging her. “Diets aren’t supposed to starve you, Sunflower.”

“The- the staff kept saying I was too big though,” said an even more confused Sophie.

“Sophie, how much weight were you supposed to lose?” Hyunjin asked her.

“I don’t know…” Sophie began to tear up, and Hyunjin hugged her tighter.

“No, no, it’s okay, don’t cry. Tell me how much you lost.”

Sophie swallowed. “I… uhh, may or may not have been tricked into to losing fifteen.”

“Fifteen?!” Hyunjin’s howl hurt her ears, and she poked him in the ribs as punishment, even as she began to cry softly.

“I- I didn’t know how much I’d lost, and then one day I looked at the scale and realized I’d lost way too much, I tried to talk to her about it but she kept brushing me off-“

“Which staff was this?”

“The red haired one who always looks at me like I’m a roach on her perfectly cleaned white floor.”

“We’ll get this taken care of, Bubble.” Hyunjin began to rub the girl’s hair comfortingly, and she gradually began to relax. “But if something ever seems wrong about a diet, please come to us.”

<JYP‘s office>

The female staff member already looked nervous enough when she walked into the office, but when she saw Chan’s livid expression, her eyes widened and her lips pressed together nervously.

“I want to know why you forced my member to lose fifteen pounds!” Not even thinking about the consequences of his actions, Chan lunged for the staff.

“Chan!” Changbin grabbed him, barely holding him back. Lily and Sullyeon joined him, as well as Sana and Jiho.

“Chan,” said Jiho calmly, although her eyes spit fire, “attacking her is just going to cause more problems. Don’t get into a lawsuit over a diet problem.”

“It’s not just a diet problem,” snapped Chan, but he allowed the others to restrain him. “My member passed out today, that’s not normal! She was already thin enough, why did she have to be thinner?!”

“She- she was still bigger compared to Lia-“

JYP glared daggers at the staff, and she stopped talking. “So you made her lose thirteen more pounds just so she could be the thinnest JYP idol?”

“N-no-“

“Then what? So she could beat AB6IX Daehwi’s record of a seventeen-inch waist?”

“N-no-“

“So there was absolutely no good reason for her to lose that much weight,” finished JYP. “As of today, you are officially fired and if I hear of you talking to Sophie again, I’m getting a restraining order placed.”

The staff member gaped at him. “You- you can’t do that!” she sputtered in disbelief.

“Oh, yes I can. And I will.” JYP waved her away dismissively like she was a pesky fly. “Go on, get out before I let Chan do what I know he wants to do to you.”

That did it and the staff shot from the room like a rocket. JYP turned to Chan. “Now that that’s taken care of, let’s get back to Sophie.”

•🧚🏻‍♀️•

Members’ Reactions:

(after the fact) (gifs from giphy are noted in pink)

Chan:

(gif credit: @ straykids on GIPHY)

THE most relieved to know she’s alive, literally

wishes she could come home right away but her condition has to stabilize

once she’s home though he begs felix to make american food so sophie will eat more

absolutely hates the fact that her appetite is slow in returning due to her extreme diet

even more determined than ever to protect her from haters

disables the notifications on her phone for the stray kids social media accounts so she’s not as tempted to read comments and posts about the whole situation

“can’t you eat just two more bites?” “chan i’m full, i’m sorry :(” “you only ate a third of your dinner though :(” “i’ll eat a little more tomorrow, i promise <3”

Minho:

easily the most disturbed by the weight loss

he noticed her weight change most when he was teaching her dance

like he’d correct her waist position and notice how easily he could encircle it with his two hands

or she’d be lining her arm up to match his and he’d notice just how thin hers was even compared to his

he didn’t say anything though because he wasn’t sure what was normal for a girl her age and size

now he feels absolutely horrible and sophie’s still trying to convince him it wasn’t his fault, two weeks later

Changbin:

(gif credit: @ straykids on GIPHY)

doesn’t show how upset he is about this around sophie but in reality he’s almost as mad as chan was still is when he thinks about it

dont bring it up in his hearing or he’s going to get all upset again (again, he doesn’t show this to sophie)

constantly trying to get her to eat more

“it’s meat, sophie, eat it and you’ll get muscles like mine” “but i’m a girl…” “what does that matter? you’ll be the strongest female idol- and more importantly, you’ll be healthy again…”

Hyunjin:

more concerned with keeping sophie at a healthy weight than remembering the incident

always changes the subject faster than lightspeed whenever anyone even briefly references it

trying to push it out of everyone’s memories

he succeeds in helping sophie get mostly past the bodyshaming

with some help from felix and jeongin of course

Jisung:

also just trying to get everyone to forget about it

he’s always concerned with the length of sophie’s shorts, so whenever he would notice that whatever shorts she was wearing were too short in his opinion, he’d also unavoidably notice how she was getting thinner on what seemed like the daily

beat himself up for a good week and a half that he didn’t put two and two together sooner and sophie had a heck of a time convincing him it’s not his fault

often sneaks her little sugary treats that she stocks up on and makes last way longer than they should

even bought her american candy upon a couple occasions

she treasured that candy almost more than her prized Enhypen autograph page

Felix:

(gif credit: @ straykids on GIPHY)

was already planning to make her american dishes in the hopes she’d eat them but after chan practically begged him to do so that just further solidified the decision

researches all sorts of things to make them taste as good as possible

even tries american variants on korean recipes

everyone loves the experiments, felix hasn’t failed one of them yet and now he constantly gets references from his members about that one God’s Menu line

will cook literally anything for sophie except for soufflé because of how noisy the dorms are on the daily

Seungmin:

leaves positive body affirmations he either makes up for finds online around the house and everyone just knows by now that they’re meant for sophie

changbin got so confused for a while at why seungmin was leaving these slips of paper that said things like “you have the perfect figure already” around a male-dominated dorm

the rest of the members had already figured it out by this time and it was a laughable occurrence that he still prefers not to be mentioned or referenced

anyway back to seungmin

also recommends sweet [some are ballads, some are not] songs for her that are meant to encourage girls

even puts his Hometown Cha Cha Cha OST on there which makes everyone laugh

he explains that he did it as a reminder that he and the members would always be there for her no matter what she goes through

Jeongin:

honestly he kind of babies her

not that he doesn’t already (he absolutely adores having someone younger than him in the group who he can baby) but even more so now than before

will randomly pick up her eating utensils and poke the food at her lips, making her smile and then he pushes it in all the way and thus makes her eat in the absolute sweetest way

again goes on a buying spree but this time it’s themed plushies instead of random ones

this incident’s theme is disney

he nonchalantly finds out her disney favorites and then sometime in the next few days, those plushies start popping up in random places around the dorms or practice room with her name on the attached gift tag

constantly showing her how many STAYs think she’s beautiful and perfect