#and i just. I've realized that its not reciprocated the way it used to be
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kurthorton-moving · 10 months ago
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#not 2 be like. negative but i just kinda got hit hard by the way my relationship w my best friend has changed#dont get me wrong i understand that her girlfriend will be super important to her esp bc she lives across the world and is only physically#here for another 2 or so weeks#but my best friend just got back from a trip to another city to see an artist she loves and as she came in i got up to go see her and ask hl#how it was but she was in her room w her gf before i could and thats fine i get it and like she hasnt done anything wrong i can not#emphasize that enough like i hold no bitter feelings to her she is excited to talk to her gf understandably#it just hit me that like. oh yeah. i have no one else that i go to about literally anything but she does#and its less ab her so much as its. its just hitting me that i dont really have? friends?#i have one or two people but like. i only have One Person thats my go to fave person always tell them everything#and i just. I've realized that its not reciprocated the way it used to be#and that i think is just like a part of growing up#i dont have a partner i dont have someone my life is intrinsically linked to#like a best friend is great but its not. relationships are placed to a higher level you know like its jusy more important#and i just. ive nevr Had a partner really. unless u count a like 2 month thing when i was 12 which i dont count#not to be depresso but i am just not the kind of person that people want or desire#and thats been the case long before i came out as trans but its extra complicated now since i dont. Fully pass#idk not 2 sound sad i just wanna be loved#and i think theres only so many times i can hear the most important person in my life come home and talk excitedly ab things thru the walls#and then never actually get told anything myself. not just ab things shes excited for but just in general#we were meant to go to a house viewing together a few days ago and it was only half an hour before it was happening when no one else was#home that i messaged them to check in and they were like oh yeah we're not going we have this and this going on#which like. fine whatever but i dont drive and getting anywhere fast is hard so it just. was stressful#but it just seems like i am constantly out of the loop. everyone i live with is in a relationship w each other and i am just here#in every aspect of my life i am Just There and im tired of it#not to sound desperate or needy but i just would like to. be noticed? or feel prioritized? or even wanted#idk this is. i just needed to rant i think im emotional bc my hormones r a bit wack#im due for my testosterone shot in a few days but i dont have the money or time to go to the doctors lately so its being pushed back#a few weeks and its just. i think its messing w me a bit#i mean i feel this way literally all the time but just the like. the being upset and emotional and posting ab it i think is bc of that#idk i needed to get it out idk it this will stay up or not
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dwaekkicidal · 4 months ago
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Curly Hair Routine with Changbin
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˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ summary: Teaching Changbin how to take care of his curls. based off this post/request!
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ word count: 1k (how did i do this.. i thought it was like 500)
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ warnings: none really :3 just fluff and mentioned that reader has longish, curly hair
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ notes: i saw a few moots repost that prompt and i have curly hair (like 3A/3B?) that i've been learning to take care of the last few years so :3 thought this was cyuuute!!! also probably gonna write chris' later today/tomorrow! (my insomnia came back so.. we'll see when it gets done LMFAO)
@chaeryred (also @httpdwaekki cause hehe) i hope you guys like it >< thought it came off a little messy but i still think its pretty cute
DO NOT republish or translate+post my work!
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"YAH! IT'S TOO COLD"
"SIT STILL! I JUST HAVE TO WASH IT OUT-"
"NO!!!! MOM!!! HEEEEEEELP-"
After wrestling your boyfriend like a cat taking a bath, you managed to wash the rest of the conditioner out of his hair and wrap his head up in a towel. You sent him to sit on the floor in the living room while you went to grab all your products from your bedroom. Once you returned, you were met with the biggest pout you've ever seen mixed with the nastiest side eye known to man. His head is almost completely wrapped up in a towel, minus the big circle where part of his face peeks out, and his arms are crossed sassily.
You couldn't help but smile and chuckle, shaking your head as you dropped the products and tools on the couch. You sit directly behind him, putting your legs on either side of his shoulders and leaning him into you. He shivers and your heart pangs a little, but you lean forward and wrap your arms around him and rub them soothingly. A quiet 'hmph!' comes from him and you laugh again.
"I'm sorry, baby. You said you wanted to do my hair routine just like me. And I always end it off with rinsing with cold water." Your fingers sneak into the hole in the towel and pull it back some, exposing his cheeks more as well as some of his wet hair. He makes the angry noise again and throws a small fit, turning away from you and tugging the towel back to its previous position in defiance.
You peck his cheek a few times and combine it with a mumbled apology. Then a small smile forms on his face and you start ruffing the towel, rubbing your hands back and forth and using it to poke fun at him while also starting to dry his hair off. Giggles erupt from the both of you as he drops the tough act and reacts to the ticklish feeling, his distinct giggle ringing through your ears in the best way possible.
Once you both have calmed down, and he's no longer feigning distress, you start to gently dry his hair. "I brought a mirror too." His hair is mostly dry and you grab your brush before realizing that Changbin's eyes have been glued to the show on TV. This was supposed to be a learning experience so you wanted him to watch, but it was also endearing to see him trust you so blindly that he resorts to iPad-baby tendencies.
"Are you gonna watch me do it so you can learn, or was this just an excuse for you to get pampered?" You tease, tilting his head back gently so he can look you in the eyes. He smiles apologetically and reaches for the mirror, "Sorry, Bunny. Got a little distracted hehe. I am your apprentice tonight! Teach away, Jagi." You smile widely and lean down again to place a kiss on his lips. One he reciprocates it before fixing his posture and placing the mirror in position.
He then lowers the television down and sits there patiently, allowing you to take him through the steps and using the mirror to peek at what your hands are doing. You start it off by showing him the products and explaining what they do and then tell him how you're supposed to use them, using a strand of his hair as an example.
Each step doesn't take long, thanks to the fact that he memorized the first few steps of your routine; the brushing and cream application. What you did explain was the styling techniques. He could have just left it as is and not done anything, or he could do what you do and finger-coil each strand.
He had seen how you slaved over your hair for over an hour each time you finger-coiled it and was dreading his experience to be similar to that. But thanks to how short his hair was compared to yours, it was a cakewalk. However, when he tried to coil one strand himself, his fingers did manage to get tangled in each other a few times... but you have to experience something to really learn from it! And the texture of the gel you used seemed to drive him crazy, but he got used to it eventually.
Then it was onto drying! You had brought out the diffuser attachment- or.. what Changbin called the "claws of death," for your hair dryer. He had seen you use it countless times before, but it looked like a jumbled mess of things from the outside and he never knew if there was a technique to it or if it was just random movements.
After teaching him the tips and tricks you used for extra volume and just how to diffuse his hair in general on a small section of his hair, you watched proudly as he dried the rest of his hair on his own with little to no problems. You did a dramatic reveal, wiggling your fingers and adding a "Tada~" when he looked into the mirror for the final time.
He stared for a while, eyes tracing the unfamiliar, defined curls on his head. They were pretty, and you have literally never seen his hair like that before. But what really made it worth it was his reaction. A big smile grew on his face and he turned to you, crawling up the couch to give you a big kiss. "Thank you, Bunny."
"Of course, baby. You look good like this." You smiled and admired your handiwork for a while until you remembered that today was supposed to be your wash day in the first place.
"Okay!! Time for me to wash my hair now." You peck him on the lips and playfully shove him onto the couch, running away after. The pitter-patter of his steps chases after you and he wraps his hands around you once the water is turned back on.
"Wait. I want to do it!" He smiles widely despite the unsure face you make. But he's your Binnie, so it's kind of hard not to cave in. You agree and resume the same position he had earlier, sitting on the tile with your neck resting on the edge and your head hovering over the big bowl of the tub. He steals another kiss before gathering your hair products and directing the water to your head.
"Don't worry, Bunny. I'm a professional at this~"
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Taglist:
@valkyriexo @lunearta @jabmastersupriseee @rylea08
@yaorzu-blog @amararosesblog @jiminssluttyminx @clemissleepy
@miss-daisy04 @kittyxnoa @dwaekkiiracha
@bubblerizz
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sohyxn · 11 months ago
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UNSPOKEN LONGING⠀───⠀minatozaki sana.
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TAGS : fluff, angst, friends to lovers, oblivious sana, pining, reader can't take it anymore 💔, college au
SYPNOSIS : constant rejection makes you decide to avoid sana at any cost. what will happen if sana realizes your absence and confronts you for it?
NOTES : happy belated birthday to our sana, i was supposed to post this yesterday but something comes up. anyway this is really shitty but pls enjoy <3
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it was another ordinary day at college, but for yn, it felt anything but ordinary. the weight of unrequited love had become a burden she could no longer bear. countless times, she had confessed her feelings to her friend — sana, only to be met with rejection. but today, yet again yn determine to confess her feelings towards the latter.
yn's heart pounded in her chest as she stood in front of sana's class, waiting for the beauty to finish her class, her hands trembling with anticipation. she had gathered all her courage to confess her feelings once again, hoping that maybe — just maybe this time sana would finally reciprocate it.
after what feels like years, sana's figure finally appeared and yn approached her. "hey sana, there's something i need to tell you," yn began, her voice filled with nervousness. "oh, hey yn, what is it?"
"i've been carrying these feelings for you for a long time, and i can't keep them to myself any longer. i... i like you, sana."
sana's eyes widened slightly, her brows furrowing as she processed yn's words. she let out a soft chuckle, assuming it was another lighthearted moment between friends. "oh, yn, you're always so sweet. i really like you too! you're an amazing friend."
yn's heart sank, the weight of sana's continuous obliviousness hitting her hard. she tried to hide her disappointment, forcing a smile to mask her true feelings. "haha... yeah. anyway, i've got to go, see you sana."
with mixed emotions, yn turned and walked away, her heart aching from the unrequited feelings. yn was exhausted, tired of pouring her heart out and yet again receiving nothing in return. so she had made a difficult decision to finally move on from sana, which is by — distancing herself from sana. and so the process of moving on started.
in the days that followed, yn focused on avoiding minatozaki sana at all cost. from ignoring sana's hellos to avoiding eyes contact with sana.
as yn walked through the bustling hallways, her eyes caught a glimpse of sana chatting and laughing with their mutual friends — myoui mina and hirai momo. the ache in her chest grew stronger. she missed the warmth of sana's presence, the way her smile could brighten even the darkest of days. but yn remind herself that she couldn't continue living in a cycle of heartache anymore.
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days turned into weeks, and yn's absence did not go unnoticed by sana. her heart felt heavy and her mind felt confused with yn's sudden distance.
"did i do something wrong?" sana huffed. "quit complaining and just confront her about it sana" mina said. "yeah, you should do that instead of whining about it to us every damn time." momo complained.
the trio are currently in mina's apartment — having a study session that quickly turned into sana pouring her life problem session.
"you don't get it, its just so sudden you know? did she find out about my feelings towards her?. is that why she started avoiding me? she won't even look at me anymore. guys please help me." sana continued rambling. "like i said sana, confront her about it. you won't know what happens to her if you keep complaining and do nothing about it." mina said frustrated with sana's whining.
"fine ugh, i guess i will." sana rolled her eyes as her mind kept wandering about yn.
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the next day, sana mustered her courage to confront yn. she found the latter sitting alone in the campus library, her gaze fixed on a book but her mind clearly elsewhere.
"sana?" yn looked up, surprise evident in her eyes.
sana took a deep breath, her voice laced with vulnerability. "yn, why do you keep avoiding me? did i do something wrong to you? please tell me if i did something wrong to you. i miss you yn."
yn couldn't ignore the longing in sana's voice, but her heart was guarded. "sana, you did nothing wrong. i've been busy with assignments and projects, that's all. "
sana's brows furrowed, her eyes searching yn's face for any signs of deception. "yn, i know you well enough to sense when something is bothering you. it feels like there's a wall between us, and i don't know why so please, be honest with me."
yn's gaze faltered, her heart feeling heavy with the weight of unspoken emotions. she took a deep breath, gathering her courage to share her true feelings.
"sana, i can't bear this distance between us any longer," yn confessed, her voice filled with a mix of nervousness and determination. "the truth is, i have feelings for you. more than just friendship. every time we're apart, i feel a void in my heart, and i miss you more than words can express."
"and i've been avoiding you because i thought we couldn't be more than friend, with your constant rejection, moving on is the only thing i could do."
sana's eyes widened in surprise, her heart skipping a beat. she hadn't expected yn to have the same feelings. a sense of relief filled her chest.
"y-yn, i didn't know... i didn't think you'd felt the same way," sana stammered, her voice filled with a mix of astonishment and joy. " and i'm so sorry, i've been rejecting you because i never thought you would like me back, its just too good to be true."
sana took a step closer, her eyes shining with sincerity. "yn if you're willing, please let me take you out on a date."
yn's guarded heart melted, her voice filled with a newfound happiness. "sana, i'd be crazy if i said I don't want to."
a smile spread across sana's face, her hand reaching out to gently touch yn's cheek. "i'm glad we're on the same page, yn. i promise i will take you on the best ever date you've ever had in your life."
and so, in the quiet corners of the college library, yn and sana embarked on a new chapter of their relationship. and in each other's presence, yn and sana found solace, blissfully content in the knowledge that their unspoken longing had finally found its voice — a love that would flourish and endure for a lifetime.
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koimethehorizon · 1 year ago
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Adventure Time and Fionna and Cake Theory: The Victimhood of Simon + How the Series Might End
Prerequisite Watching for this Theory:
Adventure Time: Temple of Mars, Betty, Come Along With Me, Broke His Crown, I Remember You, Holly Jolly Secrets Part II
Gonna start this loaded theory with a bit of a hot take. I’ve never liked how Simon and Betty’s stories concluded in Come Along With Me.
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For Simon, I’ve always had trouble considering Simon and the Ice King as the same person. Holly Jolly Secrets and I Remember You, the pinnacle of depicting the dichotomy of the two characters is built on us seeing Simon as suffering irreversible memory loss and how his loved ones can grow to accept that. The context is most apt when viewed as a metaphor for dementia, Alzheimer’s, or simply old age.
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The scenes in which Ice King reacts so superfluously to characters desperately wishing for his old self to return are striking because of the cruel finality of his condition. Alternatively, the ones in which his loved ones hang around with him despite his condition are sweet in their own right.
One of my favorite Ice King scenes is in Broke His Crown where Marceline invites her girlfriend to meet her surrogate father.
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Bubblegum: What's this?
Ice King: It's a present, to bribe you for coming over!
Marceline: You don't have to bribe us silly, we're here because we WANT to hang out with you.
Ice King: No one has ever said that to me before.
*snatches present*
Ice King: You didn't say no takebacks.
There was a real poignancy to depicting an old man with memory-loss slowly having people come to accept him and realize that he’s still a swell guy to hang around. It may be depressing to see this good person who was once so unconditionally caring into a buffoon who could forget your name so easily and turn on you in the flip of a coin.
But even he deserved love from others. And in time, as a result of that love, he did improve.
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Which is why, even in Fionna and Cake, I find myself still disturbed seeing Simon in his normal state and Ice King completely erased from Ooo. It kills me that Betty and in extension, the show itself could not accept Ice King as he was and felt that his best course was to undo it all.
All of his experiences for 1000+ years all of a sudden no longer matter, and the acceptance of his peers no longer mattered as well. He's just back to who he used to be in a world where everything he's known is gone.
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Happily ever after
Even worse, however, is remembering the wish that allowed Simon to be cured. The person who sacrificed her individuality to get that good person back, because she couldn’t accept reality as it was.
And I’m going to put a second hot take. A spicy one. Simon needs to take the fault in Betty's fate and Fionna and Cake (the show not the characters) seems aware of this.
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Throughout Adventure Time, Simon Petrikov was never developed as a character. As far as the audience and the characters within Adventure Time knew, the only traits about Simon that mattered were: that he was intelligent, he was a kind man, and he loved Betty.
This wouldn’t really be a compelling character on its own, but when juxtaposed with the Ice King it’s a tragedy that he lost these traits. The compelling part of Simon was his victimhood to the ice crown and not really him as a person.
It’s why Obsidian’s version of Simon feels somewhat empty, he’s back to his intelligent, kind self but there’s no real hints to how he’s mentally adjusting other than that brief glimpse in Ice King’s robes again.
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And he looks really weird in this special too. Color me surprised when Simon Petrikov reads out the problems I've had for years about his ending while also making Simon into his own person. In many ways it just completely redos what we see of him in Obsidian.
He's still a kind man but even he can't handle being so maladjusted to a world so beyond his time. He's still intelligent but his passions aren't reciprocated, and that seems to have always been the case even in the past. Rather than a guy who doesn't take shit from guys like Marceline's ex or a first responder to his daughter's problems, he's a normal guy unable to handle the threats of Ooo's world even after 12 years of living in it. Rather than singing to large communities in bliss, he's a lonely alcoholic who can't even relate to his fellow humans anymore. He loves his adopted daughter but there are even some days he can't muster the courage to be honest with her. And most importantly, he doesn't seem to know how to live beyond his curse or his loneliness.
His mutual obsession with Betty is the only character trait of his that's ever had some distinct flaw and with this new show, the writers must have finally found a way to tackle the subject further. Betty is ultimately a greater victim than Simon. She ends up in a far worse fate than Simon has ever been in. Perhaps more disturbingly, she willingly chose to strip herself of her individuality.
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Fionna and Cake brings a contradiction to light about Simon and Betty’s seemingly perfect relationship. Simon and Betty's love is real and they do make each other happy. But there does exist a co-dependency that has worsened throughout the series as a result of their insecurity of letting a bad memory conclude their relationship. Betty's patterns are pretty clear throughout her tenure as Magic Woman but not too much with Simon. Not until now.
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In Jerry, Simon stops Betty from pursuing her dreams because he didn’t want her goodbye to be his last memory with her.
In Betty, Simon rewrites history and inadvertently summons her to Ooo because he didn’t want Betty’s look of contempt to be his last memory of her.
And through all of Fionna and Cake, Simon has turned into a suicidal man willing to resummon GOLBetty regardless of the reasons she can’t see him again. All because he didn’t want her sacrifice to be his last memory of her. Despite the fact that Betty’s final wish was to keep Simon safe.
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There's also this uneven power dynamic between the two. Simon was far more accomplished as a professor with PhDs even if no one took him seriously. Betty was just a student offering some help, knowing she wouldn't take any credit for helping.
I’ll preface that Betty is a consenting adult in the relationship and made many self-determined rash choices that Simon would never approve of with full context. We’ve enough scenes to show that Simon actively refuses Betty’s help if it means endangering her.
However, Simon’s perception of Betty and his own inadequacy did influence her personality for the worse. Fionna questions Simon on two occasions about how strange it was for “someone she just met to drop everything to go with you”. Even within the flashbacks Betty verbally describes her internal conflict between her individuality vs. her infatuation with Simon and the guy never picks up on it.
Whether he’s aware of it or not, Simon always ends up becoming the center of attention during Betty’s greatest life-changing events because he’s always suffering in some way. And sadly in-character, Betty always prioritizes him first because of how sorry she feels for him.
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Simon: Just hold my hand to your face, this will be my… last sensation.
Betty: Don’t be a wimp, Simon!
I don’t want to be too hard on Simon, his suffering is cosmologically depressing. An undeniable tragedy that no one deserves to be alone on. It would be unfair to say he’s being dramatic about something most if not any human would ever go through. He’s not a leech for desiring help, especially from his significant other.
But I do think it’s important to point out that he does have a major flaw in not reflecting on the consequences of Betty’s choices.
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Fionna: Damn, that’s romantic. So, you got on the bus with her?
Simon: Yup. Uh what? No. No. Why would I-
This is the reason this post exists. This is the show explicitly telling us that Simon has never really thought about what Betty lost because he thinks his love was greater than the passion Betty once had.
Let's go back to Betty once again for what is honestly the most justifiable takedown you could make of Simon's character prior to the miniseries.
As stated earlier, Simon opens a portal to ask for Betty's forgiveness with a few seconds on the clock. And in that time, he essentially just unloads a giant drama bomb, trauma dump of his suffering leading Betty to ask what she can even do without him. And if the plan went as it was, Simon would've just left her a hundred questions that she'd never have answered for the rest of her life.
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Simon: Just know that I love you and I forgive you for leaving me. Author's Note: I dunno, isn't there something a bit off about how he worded this?
Now Simon didn't ask for Betty to jump into the portal, but he certainly was asking for it subconsciously. How else would he have expected a person who loves him dearly to act after this?
Taking any measures necessary and finding a way back together obviously. That's what he's doing too!
And reiterating again, this is the reason why Betty goes on her ego-suicidal quest. This is Simon's greatest mistake, his greatest moral failing as a person and he doesn't seem aware of this.
He’s not wrong that Betty lived happily with him. In spite of losing her dreams, Betty and Simon did love each other unconditionally. But he’s missing the bigger picture about how he could’ve been self-centered in deciding Betty’s fate for himself.
And maybe to stretch somewhat, I think even the quest to become Ice King again is somewhat motivated by his inability to live as anything more than a victim. Some of it is because the citizens of Ooo were being a bit inconsiderate about how much they liked Ice King yes, but Simon should be perfectly aware that Marceline, Betty, and now Fionna would be extremely concerned about him for doing this. Yet, he doesn’t really consider their feelings too much on the matter. He’s too used to the suffering.
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Please have one scene with Marceline, I'd be sad if we don't get to see at least one.
This leads me to how I believe Fionna and Cake may rewrite Simon’s ending.
The key is in the episode Temple of Mars.
Upon rewatching the episode, I’m convinced that the Adventure Time cast had a greater plan with the Betty and Simon arc that just never came to be due to production constraints. A lot of Betty’s history and the deconstruction of her relationship with Simon in Jerry are surprisingly details that have already been told.
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I thought it was an animation error that Betty’s glasses were different in Jerry but it turns out the continuity director is just that good.
The trip in six months, Simon stopping her, and the realization that Simon superseded her identity. Seeking independence from Simon is the lesson that Normal Man was trying failed to teach her.
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Betty: I’ve spent so much time dedicated on Simon that I’m not even sure if there’s any “me” left anymore.
But the most telling detail is how Betty passes Normal Man’s test.
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Finn: Even if you are a lost cause, she is not!
Betty: No, Finn’s right. You’ll thank me for this later past Betty.
In an alternate pocket reality, she changes her trip to the day before, preventing Simon from stopping her. And I think Simon will have to change fate once again to do the same.
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If Simon comes to realize that he was the one who set Betty to her terrible fate, that all this time his rose-colored lens of their relationship had been detrimental then he could give her identity back. But it can’t be as simple as changing the moment Betty turns into GOLB or Magic Woman or even bringing her through the portal in Betty.
He needs to let Betty go on the bus. Alone.
It’s the only way for Betty to have her life back. If not for his Betty, maybe at least to save one in the multiverse doomed to the same fate.
They both need to cherish their time on the Enchiridion trip back when it wasn’t too late for Betty to go on the trip. Back when they were both equals and not tied to Simon’s needs.
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Jerry is absolutely setting up something big with Simon and Betty’s relationship for next week and now that we’re going to the GOLB dimension, we’ll see how he remembers these moments again.
Personally, as someone who has been skeptical about Simon's peace for years, Fionna and Cake's second episode was like a sigh of relief. Simon hasn't found his ending yet, and my hope is that this epilogue will help me see the man happy without having to relive Betty's sacrifice for the rest of his life. Just like the rest of Adventure Time, it'll have to end with him cherishing the time he had with Betty regardless of the inevitability of losing that relationship.
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PS. Isn’t quite strange that at one point in time, Simon sought after magic objects that ostracized him from the normal world and now, he lives in a house full of 1980s-1990s objects that ostracized him from the magical world? Maybe he was never really satisfied with where he was in the present.
PSS. I really wanted to write something on Fionna for the Ep 3-6 releases, and I still have the idea, but I couldn’t make it coherent due to how much my brain overthinks everything to the point of cognitive collapse. If there’s enough interest, I’ll go back to write it again.
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gafurtle · 3 months ago
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Let's talk about how similar ART & Miki are
Yes, ART is a super-intelligent space ship and Miki is a humanform bot that uses emojis in chat, but they actually have a lot in common.
It started when I was thinking about how both ART & Miki lay claim to friendship with MB long before it's willing to reciprocate--and in a manner MB finds inherently repulsive.
Like, ART threatens MB with its overpoweringly superior processing power, then they watch TV together, and then ART is like, "We're friends now. I don't understand why you won't let me help you," a sentiment MB responds to with the equivalent of "?!??!" because since when were they friends???
Meanwhile Miki IMMEDIATELY decides that it and MB are friends because Miki is friends with everyone--its humans, the random construct who starting talking to it out of nowhere...it's all the same to Miki (so far as MB knows). Again, this sentiment deeply bothers MB, as of course they aren't friends and could never be friends.
So that's the similarity I started with, but then I kept thinking.
ART & Miki both have a much different relationship with humans than MB has ever had. ART loves its crew and in fact, loves them so much that it can barely watch fictional media that depicts harm coming to space ships or their crew. ART at least knows that humans *can* be cruel, because it knows corporates, but I've never had the sense that ART itself has ever been mistreated by its crew or even forced to do something it doesn't want to do. Miki has never been mistreated or lied to by humans, and so has an inherent love and trust for humans. MB, of course, has always been ignored, feared, or tortured by humans and so resists the idea of humans being its "crew" or its "friends" the way ART & Miki claim is possible.
Also, ART & Miki both love their function. ART loves exploring space and protecting its crew, and finds it hard to believe that a construct like MB could dislike its function. Miki likes exploring and helping and hanging out with humans. MB is at best able to say that it likes "parts" of its functions. Of course, one difference is that MB agrees that ART's function is awesome, whereas MB thinks of Miki as just a "pet bot." But even so, ART & Miki both love their day jobs and MB is both baffled and jealous.
And of course, both ART & Miki end up betraying MB. When MB realizes that ART deliberately got it and its humans kidnapped, MB is furious and hurt and tries real hard to give ART the silent treatment. When Miki tells Don Abene that MB is "Rin," MB refuses to talk to Miki for the rest of their time together. ART & Miki both do the thing that MB is always afraid of--they let what the humans want or need take precedence and don't care what the effect on MB will be.
MB eventually forgives ART. Do we think it would have forgiven Miki, if they had had longer?
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mxlti-fand0m-imaginess · 1 year ago
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No Control* // Chad Meeks Martin x Reader x Ethan Landry
request: none!
prompts: none!
summary: things are awkward after your boyfriend, chad, walked in on you with his best friend, ethan. you’re terrified that you’ve ruined everything, but chad has other ideas.
warnings: language, smut, threesome, switch!chad, switch!reader, switch!ethan, use of the pet name “good boy” once, p in v, masturbation, hand job, being caught the morning after
word count: 3.3k
a/n: reader has female anatomy, but gender neutral pronouns are used. also im relatively new to writing smut, so apologies of its not the best!
part one part two
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Stained coffee cup
Just a fingerprint of lipstick's not enough
Sweet, where you lay
Still a trace of innocence on the pillow case
Chad sat up straight on his bed, staring blankly at the wall. His mind racing with the image of you and Ethan together. His girlfriend and his best friend. He should be furious. Right? So why wasn’t he? Maybe he was a little sad, the thought that you don’t love him anymore staying in the back of his mind. But he knew you better than that. You loved him. You still do. Things were perfect between the two of you, there was no way you suddenly got tired of him overnight.
Realistically? Chad figured that you somehow found out about Ethan’s little crush on you, which he wasn’t that good at hiding, and that you had reciprocated the feelings. You had somehow found yourself falling in love with someone else, while still loving Chad all the same. And Chad couldn’t even blame you. After all, it was Ethan. Chad would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about his roommate in that way more than a few times. 
Still, he wished you had just talked to him about all this. Everything would’ve been so much easier. But he knew why you didn’t. You felt like you were betraying him. And in a way, you had. You went behind his back and slept with someone else. But if he was being honest with himself, had he been in the same situation with Ethan, he probably would’ve done the same exact thing you had. 
Waking up beside you, I'm a loaded gun
I can't contain this anymore
I'm all yours, I've got no control, no control
“Chad? You here?” Ethan asked, shutting the door to their dorm behind him as he walked inside. 
Chad’s head perked up slightly at the sound of Ethan’s voice, but he didn’t make a move to respond. He heard footsteps coming closer, and then the door to his bedroom slowly creaked open. Ethan poked his head in, and Chad turned to face him.
“Hey,” Ethan said, tugging awkwardly at the collar of his shirt. 
“Hi,” Chad replied, not quite meeting Ethan’s eyes.
After waiting a few moments, Ethan realized Chad wasn’t going to speak again, so he took that as permission to enter the room. Ethan walked over and sat down next to Chad on his bed. Chad went back to staring at the wall, and Ethan looked over at Chad nervously.
“Look man, I can’t even begin to explain how sorry I am. I never should’ve-”
“Do you love them?” Chad asked, cutting Ethan off.
“What…?” Ethan asked, taken aback by the question. 
Chad finally turned his head to look at Ethan, and he repeated the question.
“Do you love them?”
After a pause, Ethan nodded. “Well, uhm, yeah. I- I think I do. No, I- I definitely do. I love them.”
Chad hummed in response, looking away again. The tension between the two of them was palpable, but it wasn’t for the reason that Ethan assumed it was.
“Do you love me?” Chad asked, too nervous to take his gaze off the floor.
“Huh?” Ethan replied, almost sounding confused by the question.
“You heard me. Do you?”
“Well, I mean of course I do. You’re my best friend,” Ethan answered, not sure what to make of the question.
“You know I didn’t mean it like that,” Chad said, his voice shaking. He finally forced himself to face Ethan. 
“Oh. OH,” Ethan said, the true meaning of Chad’s question finally clicking in his head. “Uhm, yeah. I- I do.”
The look of pure terror slowly faded from Chad’s face. “Why did you never say anything?”
“Well, you were with y/n. And- well I’ve never felt like this for a guy before, I didn’t know what to make of it. I guess I was just… scared.” Ethan’s cheeks turned pink as he met Chad’s eyes. “Wait, does that mean you feel the same way?”
“Does this answer your question?”
Chad leaned in and kissed him, his hand resting on the side of Ethan’s face. Ethan’s eyes widened, and he froze, his brain short-circuiting by the sudden affection. Once his mind caught up with his body, he started to kiss Chad back. They both felt dizzy, months of unspoken feelings all pouring out within a few moments. It felt magical. And even more than that, it felt right.
Powerless, and I don't care it's obvious
I just can't get enough of you
The pedal's down, my eyes are closed, no control
You laid on your bed, staring up at your ceiling, tears staining your face. Your roommate, Anika, was out on a date with Mindy, so you didn’t even bother trying to keep quiet as you sobbed. You ruined things with Chad, and consequently, you might’ve ruined things with Ethan as well. You felt like you were living in hell, and the worst part was that it was a hell of your own making. Why couldn’t you have just been honest? Or better yet, you should’ve just made a decision. 
But even attempting to do that would’ve been pointless, and you knew that. You wouldn’t be able to choose. You loved Chad, and over the course of your blossoming relationship with Ethan, you felt yourself beginning to fall in love with him too. You couldn’t choose because you loved them both. You didn’t have a favorite, or a preference. You wanted them both. But realistically, that wasn’t going to be possible. 
You felt yourself finally beginning to drift off to the blissful relief of sleep, when a loud knocking at your front door jolted you awake. Groaning, you forced yourself out of bed. It was probably just Anika, who somehow always forgot her keys. You trudged over to the door and pulled it open, preparing to poke fun at your roommate for her forgetfulness, when you saw Chad and Ethan standing outside your door. 
“Oh, uhm. Hi?” you said, inwardly cringing at how awkward you sounded.
“Can we come in? We need to talk to you,” Chad said, Ethan nodding in agreement.
You felt your stomach twisting in knots as you nodded and moved aside to let them in. They were probably here to tell you that they both wanted to break it off with you. That you were selfish and disgusting, and that they wanted to move on and find someone better than you. But when you looked back up at their faces, neither of them seemed upset. In fact, they almost seemed… giddy? That was the only word you could think of to describe it. And that just confused you even more.
They walked inside, and you shut the door behind them. Chad walked into your open bedroom, with Ethan following right behind him. You went in after them, sitting down on your bed, feeling a slight bit confused as they did the same. 
“What’s going on?” you asked.
Taste on my tongue
I don't want to wash away the night before
In the heat, where you lay 
I could stay right here and burn in it all day
“Do you still love me?” Chad asked, even though he already knew the answer.
You scrunched your eyebrows up in confusion, nodding anyway. “Of course I do. Did you really have to ask me that?”
“What about me?” Ethan asked, turning your attention towards him.
You nodded again, not quite following. “Uh, yeah. I do.”
Ethan smiled, and you felt your heart skip a beat at the sight. How had it taken you so long to realize how breathtakingly gorgeous he was?
“So, we have something to ask you,” Chad said.
“Which is?” you replied, feeling more confused as time went on. It didn’t seem like either of them were dumping you. So what was going on?
“Would you be interested in being with both of us? Like officially?” Chad asked.
Your eyes widened in shock. He wasn’t being serious, right? He looked so upset when he caught you with Ethan a few hours ago. Why was he suddenly in support of it?
“Are you serious? You would be okay with that?”
“Well, yeah,” Chad answered.
“It wouldn’t be like you just dating the both of us. It would be all three of us, together,” Ethan chimed in.
The puzzle pieces clicked in your head. Finally, you understood what was going on. Not only did they both want you, but they also wanted each other. That’s why Chad wasn’t angry when he saw you and Ethan together. That weird expression on his face finally made sense. He thought it was hot. You felt all your nerves disappear, and a smile grew on your face.
You turned to Chad. “You liar! I knew you had feelings for Ethan! You’re not as discreet as you think.”
Ethan laughed, a smile on his face. “Wait, you knew he liked me?”
“Are you kidding? That one time we all went to the beach, he almost choked on his smoothie when you took your shirt off!”
Chad smiled awkwardly, feeling slightly embarrassed by the current conversation. “Okay, okay. We don’t need to talk about all of that…”
“Oh, but I think we do,” you smiled mischievously.
Chad waved dismissively, trying to change the subject. “You still never gave us an answer. Do you-”
You cut him off, “Yes, obviously!”
Waking up beside you, I'm a loaded gun
I can't contain this anymore
I'm all yours, I've got no control, no control
“Oh my god!”
You groaned slightly, being stirred from your sleep by the sound of shouting coming from somewhere near your bedroom door. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes, and your sight came into focus. Anika and Mindy were standing on the other side of your open door, wide eyed.
“My eyes!” Mindy shouted, her hands flying up to shield her face. 
“Mindy, grow up,” Anika said, laughing softly at her girlfriend’s theatrics.
Why were they freaking out? What’s going on? Oh. That was why. Chad and Ethan were asleep on either side of you, all of your clothes scattered across your bedroom floor. The only thing protecting your decency was the comforter pulled over the three of you. But it wasn’t very hard to figure out what happened. Which judging by their reactions, Anika and Mindy already had.
“What’s all the yelling about?” Chad mumbled, slowly waking up.
He looked around, his eyes meeting Mindy, and he dove under the blanket instantly in a panic. You giggled as you watched Chad freak out, finding his panic to be quite hilarious. 
“So, when did this happen?” Anika asked, a teasing smile on her face.
You shrugged, feeling quite awkward about being caught in this position. “Uh… last night?”
“Is it safe to look now?” Mindy asked, her hands still over her eyes.
“Chad’s hiding under the blanket if that’s what you’re worried about,” you replied, pulling the blanket tighter around you.
Slowly, Mindy lowered her hands, feeling less nauseated once Chad was out of view. “I know you and my brother are together, but I never want to have to deal with that image ever again.”
“Wait, so was this like a hookup, or…?” Anika asked, still very invested in this whole situation.
“No. We’re together. Like, all of us,” you replied, smiling awkwardly.
“Can we please finish this conversation after we have our clothes back on?” Chad asked, his voice muffled by the blanket over his head.
Powerless, and I don't care it's obvious
I just can't get enough of you
The pedal's down, my eyes are closed, no control
You, Chad, and Ethan have been together for almost a month now. Everything was perfect. It was everything you had ever dreamed of and more. You had two boyfriends, who you loved unconditionally, and who felt the same about you. Sure, there were still some issues, but every relationship has them. But getting to be with both of them was worth any problem that came your way.
Soon, Anika moved out of your shared apartment to live with Mindy, and your boyfriends moved in. It took a while to get your living situation sorted out, but soon it felt perfect. Everything was so domestic. You had never felt happier, and Chad and Ethan felt the same way. Having two boyfriends just made your life more exciting. You couldn’t even begin to describe all of the feelings this relationship gave you. And your sex life got a hell of a lot more exciting too.
Lost my senses, I'm defenseless
Her perfume's holding me ransom
Sweet and sour, heart devoured
Lying here, I count the hours
“What is it? What do you want, baby?” you asked Ethan, gripping his jaw tightly to keep his eyes trained on you. 
Ethan whined and reached out towards you, only for Chad to slap his hand away.
“Use your words baby. How are we supposed to give you what you want if you don’t tell us?” Chad said, his tone condescending.
“I- I want you to touch me. Please, touch me,” Ethan begged, desperation in his voice.
“What do you think Chad? Has he been good enough?” 
“I think so baby. He’s always such a good boy for us. Isn’t that right, Ethan?”
Ethan nodded eagerly, or nodded as best as he could, your hand still gripping his jaw tightly.
“Alright then. How do you want us to touch you baby…?” you let go of Ethan’s jaw, your hand sliding down his bare chest instead.
“I- I don’t care. However you want. Just touch me please,” Ethan whimpered, sounding even more desperate for anything you and Chad decided to give him.
You lightly pushed on Ethan’s shoulders, making him lie down on your bed. You moved to straddle his boxer-clad waist, eliciting a soft moan from Ethan at the small bit of friction. You were dressed in nothing but your bra and panties, a lilac set that Ethan gifted you. The sight of you in it always made his head spin.
Chad kneeled beside you, resting back on his heels. He palmed himself through his boxers, sighing in relief at the feeling. You looked over at Chad, raising an eyebrow at him.
“Did I say you could touch yourself?”
Chad sighed, “No.”
“You know you’re not allowed to unless I give you permission.”
“I- I know,” he said, looking a bit upset at having been caught.
Waking up, beside you I'm a loaded gun
I can't contain this anymore
I'm all yours, I've got no control, no control
You went to say something else, when Ethan flipped you over, straddling your hips and keeping you pinned to the bed. Chad raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. He shifted closer to the two of you, intrigued by the change in the situation.
“Whatcha doing baby?” you asked, looking up at Ethan, seeming completely unfazed. Almost as if you had expected this.
Ethan smiled down at you. “You were taking too long. Need you too bad to wait. I think Chad can agree with me on that.”
“Oh, definitely,” Chad said, moving to kneel by your head.
“So what’re you gonna do about it?” you taunted, knowing full well what they intended to do. 
“We’re just gonna take what we want,” Ethan said, leaning down to kiss you.
You kissed him back, your hands getting tangled in his hair. You tugged lightly, causing him to whimper. You smirked against his lips, before biting down on his bottom lip. Just hard enough to hurt, without causing any damage. Chad whined slightly, causing you and Ethan to let out a laugh at his neediness.
“Aww, you want some attention too baby?” you asked, sitting up slightly, pulling Chad into a kiss.
He kissed you hungrily, seeming utterly desperate for your touch. You felt Chad being pulled off of you, and you were confused for a moment, until you saw Ethan pull Chad in to meet his lips. You grinned up at the sight, watching your boyfriends make out above you. You could never get over how hot they were, especially when they were together. 
Powerless, and I don't care it's obvious
I just can't get enough of you
The pedal's down, my eyes are closed, no control
“Fuck! Just like that baby. You’re doing so good,” Ethan said as he pounded into you mercilessly. 
You moaned and babbled unintelligibly, your ability to form words long gone from the immense pleasure you were feeling. Ethan had your legs up over his shoulders, his thumb working intently on your clit, as he pistoned in and out of your dripping heat. Chad kneeled above you, jerking himself off above your face, his precum dripping down to coat your lips. 
You were a mess, falling apart at their hands. You reached out to Chad, pushing his hand away and replacing it with your own. He let out a strangled moan, his hips bucking forward into your touch. 
“Fuck, baby. You’re so fucking good at that,” Chad said, breathless and dizzy with pleasure.
“They’re absolute heaven,” Ethan added, his hips stuttering as he spilled his load into the condom. 
You whined at the feeling, speeding up your hand on Chad’s throbbing cock. Ethan sped up his movements on your clit, throwing you over the edge as you came with a cry. Chad followed soon after, his cum painting your face. You let your hand fall, utterly exhausted and out of breath.
Ethan pulled out, causing you to wince slightly from the sensitivity. He pulled the condom off and tied it, tossing it in the trash can. You were still out of it, mind floating in a state of pure bliss. Chad smiled down at you, in awe of your beauty. Ethan returned before you even realized he had left, a warm cloth in his hand which he used to clean you off. 
You felt yourself slowly come back to reality when you felt yourself being tucked into bed between your boyfriends, new sheets on the bed, and a comfy pair of pajamas on your body. 
No control
No control
You rolled over to face Ethan, an annoyed (but not really) smile on your face. “You asshole! I was supposed to be in charge tonight!” 
You shoved his shoulder playfully, trying to appear angry. But he could see right through you. He simply smiled and pressed a kiss to your forehead.
“Sorry baby. You just looked so good I couldn’t resist. You’ll be in charge next time, I promise. Absolutely no overthrowing.”
He laughed softly at the pout on your face. You both knew you weren’t really upset, with the way he had just made you feel that would be impossible. Still, you felt like keeping up this act for a little longer. You flipped over to face Chad.
“And you! You just went along with it! What, do I just not get any respect around here?”
Chad smiled, kissing your cheek. “Oh come on. You were practically asking for it. You know how impatient Ethan gets. He can only take so much of your teasing before he snaps and flips you over.”
You rolled your eyes, but smiled nonetheless. You turned to lay on your back, Chad and Ethan cuddling up to you. You were always the big spoon, even when you weren’t in charge during your little excursions. You held them close, the warm blanket enveloping the three of you. You smiled to yourself, overwhelmed with happiness and love for your boyfriends. Slowly, you drifted off to sleep, excited to wake up and start the next day with the loves of your life. 
Powerless, and I don't care it's obvious
I just can't get enough of you
The pedal's down, my eyes are closed, no control
tags: @wenvierismycomfort @hyeyulove @afro-hispwriter
if your user is crossed out, it means i can't tag you!
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120189hearted · 4 days ago
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What if we all knew each other's birth charts?
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What if there were no secrets between us all?
What if we all learned in the first grade of school how to read astrological birth charts like how now it's necessary to be taught English in most schools worldwide. A reality where all are good at reading charts as they are good at speaking English. How would the world be like if we all had to introduce ourselves with just our birth chart? A world where we have nothing to hide. I do understand that this would have its flaws, I believe that I observe even my own theories from an impartial point of view, balancing both sides.
Would the world be a better place? (Not necessarily) Would people be kinder? (I'm not sure) Would we understand each other better? (Perhaps)
But if we knew everything, then that means that we would also act less natural with each other. If we knew what destiny holds for each one of us then that would just ruin the surprise, and the best presents are always the ones we receive when we expect them the least. It would erase the whole purpose, no? The whole meaning of experience and the beauty of uncertainty in life.
I suppose some things are just meant to stay unknown, whether it's just for a temporary moment or permanent, perhaps we'll find out later what we'll be fated to know. Perhaps we'll have to find out on our own later. Decisions that seem bad at the moment might later have a bright side, or someone that seems like the perfect match for you might later reveal themselves as, really, too good to be true (unmet expectations). Or when you felt like you hit rock bottom, perhaps that was a lesson to teach you how to "swim back to the surface" or a trigger to provoke you in realizing something, or when someone didn't reciprocate your confession to them, sometimes rejection is redirection and shields us from something - maybe that person was gonna be verbally abusive or simply not meant for you, there might be someone or something else that you deserve in life. It is a cycle of lessons but I'm going off topic now.
Anyways, I don't mean to say that it's bad to know your birth chart, knowledge is power but also the way you handle it is important. Your birth chart is your fate. Whoever says that "your chart can't determine your fate" is simply not true, as much as I may dislike that as well, I say it with a reason - I've experienced numerous strange things in my life up until now. The distorted astrology displayed by a part of people on media just reeks of toxic positivity or superficiality to me sometimes, it's not all but some. I understand others are not as informed and prefer to keep it just for fun, but there's also the other side of the coin where astrology was made for so much more than just to be misunderstood.
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lintwriting · 5 months ago
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Disney’s Comphet Episode
girl meets world's legacy will most likely be its total flop as a sequel to boy meets world, as well as the worst autism rep ever lol but I'll personally always remember it for how much it FUMBLED THE BAG because it introduced a stupid love triangle.
why were there so many shows in the late 'aughts dedicated to RUINING their shows with pointless ship wars? star vs the forces of evil, danny phantom, and girl meets world are just off the top of my head.
we have these two perfect best friend characters. surprisingly perfect friendship. okay, more like, veering on homoromantic.
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(via @forbescaroline)
and then you know what they do with it? They insert the MOST WHITE BREAD ass love interest ever in the form of Lucas.
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his defining characteristic is that he's a dreamy goodboy, and there's nothing wrong with that except that he's EXTREMELY boring compared to the oddballs of the rest of the cast, like Farkle or Maya or Riley.
The one thing that subsidizes his bore factor is that all his love triangle ship drama fuels conflict in the show.
he's the straight man--ha, get it? kys
he's dreamy enough to have these perfect friends in conflict over him.
and it kind of ruins the fun of the show.
like, i don't want to see Riley and Maya fight. and they don't even want to fight either. so they're just sighing sadly at each other, meanwhile im over here WHY WOULD YOU EVEN WANT TO DATE LUCAS??
it's giving "she was a girl, he was a boy, can I make it anymore obvious"
like i appreciate a show that demonstrates that girls in competition over a guy DO NOT need to be catty or mean (from what I can remember), but like, this should have been a 1 episode plot AT MOST GOD
they expand on the plot in the most bizarre ways possible too. like i havent watched this show in years, but i still remember this shit.
The premise of the show is that Riley falls into Lucas's lap on a bus in ep 1, so they're basically an end game couple from the beginning. But they have to introduce a shitty love triangle.
So they then have an episode where Maya "acts" as Riley for a day, and while she's acting as Riley, she realizes that Riley doesn't love Lucas and most likely sees him as a brother. which, first of all, is the craziest shit ive ever heard, and second of all
COULD HAVE BEEN THE MOST BEAUTIFUL scene about comphet EVER in a disney kids show.
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the DRAMA. the PROJECTION. "she's confused" "feelings you don't understand"
the contrast between what Riley THINKS she feels for Lucas and what Maya feels for Riley. Riley ASKING MAYA "how do I feel, then, maya?" and MAYA's "just tell me what to say" !!! It's the "Good Luck, Babe" of it all!!!!!!!!
it astounds me that this exists in the show! i remembered nothing else about the show EXCEPT for this scene and the terrible autism PSA farkle episode lol.
they use this to fan maya x lucas flames and some drama about maya becoming riley in the last season, which I have zero clue about because all that exists to me is that one crystal clear moment of comphet.
so yeah, while I don't care for sabrina carpenter's music, im extremely happy that she covered chappell roan's "Good Luck, Babe" because it led to this amazing edit that compiles all these moments lol
youtube
what a moment. everything, it all has led up to this 67 views edit.
last thing I gotta say, I feel like the drama of "are you becoming me" would've ATE as drama, especially in a sapphic context. like some jennifer's body type shit. instead, it's poorly executed, one-sided, and does harm to both of their characters, from what I've read. BUT LIKE, there's no way it was one-sided. The envy/self-projection thing nor the love!! THEY HAD TO HAVE BEEN RECIPROCAL oh my god i can't Disney was SO CLOSE to greatness WHYYYYYYYYYYY
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aihoshiino · 4 months ago
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I had an idea for a time loop Oshi no Ko fic.
Start with the breakup conversation between Ai and Kamiki. Ai can tell that Kamiki's taking it badly, but what's done is done. For time loop reasons, Kamiki immediately tells a jealous stalker about Ai's pregnancy and home address, and she gets murdered within the week.
Ai gets booted back to some time before the breakup. Once she figures out what's going on, she has two goals: Take advantage of the time loop to find a better way to break up with Kamiki, and don't get murdered. (Obviously, she does not realize that there is a connection between these goals.)
As one of Tumblr's premier Ai Hoshino fans, do you think this idea sounds interesting or—? Well, if you don't, I doubt you'd actually post this ask.
genuinely unironically and with ten thousand percent sincerity i fucking love that the legacy of my online presence is '#1 hoshino ai wife guy'. this is what i was put on this earth to do.
Joking aside tho… Godddddd I've always loved the idea of an OnK timeloop fic!!!! I actually think the story lends itself really well to that kind of premise - the story revolves around this central tragedy as its axis and has just enough soft magic supernatural elements that you can so easily bullshit up a natural feeling reason for this to be happening. I also think this idea works surprisingly well in a thematic sense, too? OnK is about cycles, at least in the sense of generational echoes, but it's also about narratives, those created by and about us, and about moving on from past trauma to reclaim your right to the future. Timeloop stories are really natural and well suited vehicles for those sorts of themes.
I also think it would be super fun to play with in like, a metanarrative sense as well? Idr if this particular thought ever made its way onto tumblr, but I love rolling the idea in my brain of Ai being 'narratively cursed' in a sense. Because Ai as a character in a story is kind of defined by her fate - her role in OnK and any of its derivatives is defined by the question of whether or not she lives and even in stories where she survives, it still echoes. The idea of making that something the characters in the story have to tangibly grapple with me is super compelling to me. Like, maybe it's a KagePro sort of thing where, even if her death at Ryosuke's hands is prevented, her death on that day is 'fated'.
I think this could be a really cool reflection of something in the original text the story doesn't really get as much time to go into, that Ai's tragedy is simultaneously preventable and avoidable & inevitable and unstoppable, purely because of the way the deck was stacked against her. Even if there was no Ryosuke, there would have been a hundred other men with knives in their hands. Her "fate" is inevitable because it's the end result of a whole Rude Goldberg machine of systematic and individual choices made to exploit her for her whole life. Ai can't ever escape the narrative because she has no control over it. Her one act of rebellion against it - her decision to become Aqua and Ruby's mother - is the thing that cements her doom.
Because of this, I don't think I would actually want Ai herself to be the center of a loop story focused on saving her? Like, her being the POV character would be interesting but I think another character would need to be the main looper. This is because, for me… I actually don't think Ai can ever 'save' herself.
Not in the sense that she is incapable of doing so, but because saving herself would destroy any chance of her salvation in the first place. Her entire life, she has been failed by every single person who had the responsibility to love and protect her and she is forced to uplift herself as a result. Ai saving herself is the final proof to her that nobody was ever going to help her, that she cannot be authentically loved or accepted as she is. Kindness was always conditional. Her love was never reciprocated.
This is why she has to be saved by someone else - because her salvation is someone seeing both Hoshino Ai and Ai of B-Komachi and choosing Hoshino Ai. That's why her fate is inevitable. Because everyone else will always choose "Ai of B-Komachi". She can only be saved by a person who sees all of her and decides to unconditionally love and accept Hoshino Ai with the full understanding of everything that she is.
Because of that… I think Kamiki would be the ideal looper in a scenario like this. Not only does it provide salvation for Ai, but I also think it creates a really interesting route to salvation/redemption for Kamiki; presenting him with not just the opportunity but the necessity to undo his mistakes and repair the damage he caused and. in the process, come to finally, truly understand Ai as a person, not as his savior. And in doing so, Kamiki saves himself, too.
That's just how I'd do it, anyway…! I don't know that I'd ever have the energy or drive to write this sort of thing myself, but people are free to mine this for ideas for their own fics/AUs/etc.
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mirkomos · 6 months ago
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Between me and You... ~cp.3
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Armin x reader...
Chapter tw: cursing, alcohol, tension, armin x reader.
Word count: 2.5k
Story context: your newly broken up with jean and he won't leave you alone. You start to "date" Armin to get jean off your back, but during this fake relationship you start to develop feeling for him—your relationship with Armin becomes a bit...confusing. No other then any other relationships yours and armin's has its ups and downs but maybe it will turn into the real thing...
You gain consciousness to strong arms around you slowly open your eyes to look up and see armin–right there in-front of you…fast asleep. You were taken aback at first but then you remembered what had happened last night–you crying in his arms and falling asleep. You try to wiggle your way out of his grasp without trying to wake him up.
Maneuvering in every possible way you could think of but your efforts were no use. You heard armin groan–you look u to see his eyes fluttering “um goodmorning” you whisper. It takes him a second to realize the situation you guys are in and you watch his cheeks turn pink.
“Im sorry if this is uncomfortable you just fell asleep and i didnt know what to do so i-” you get up from his chest “armin i know what happened its ok i dont mind it at all…seriously.” Armin sits up and avoids your eyes..you move closer to him but he still looks away. Why can he never look you in the eyes in a serious conversion.
“Um are we gonna get ready for classes today?” he gets up and puts his slippers on–you lay yourself back on his bed “nah i think im just gonna skip today” you let out a yawn. Armin turns around to give you a disappointed face “hey” you whine and armin laughs “stop whining” he walks out of the room to go get ready.
Kicking your feet on his bed just thinking of armin…it made your heart beat, the you woke up this morning and realized that you were sleeping with armin made you feel flustered. Could you really have feelings for him–no– he's doing you a favor by “dating” you to help out with jean. If you expressed your feelings would they even be reciprocated?
“What are you thinking about” your suddenly snapped back to reality with armin standing next to you.
“Armin, can you stay with me today?”
He was taken aback by your words and he blinked profusely “woah um why?” he took a seat next to you– your asking the guy who was one of the top students to stay home and miss his studies just to please you “because i don't wanna be alone today…” you look up at him with pleading eyes. Armin look you in the eyes and fell back on his bed “but-” your suddenly hovering over him “ please armin we can even watch that one marine life show you like” trying to convince armin to stay was going to be hard but one you said marine you swore you could have seen his eyes light up.
“Well i guess i could stay today” you were so happy to hear this news that you went and hugged armin and he hugged back wrapping his muscular arms around you making your heart beat.
He let go— you pushed yourself up and gave him a little smirk, he turned around to grab his laptop to email his professor’s about his absence while you had made your way to the kitchen to grab something to eat 
Admittedly you wanted armin to stay for your own selfish reasons—to find out he thought of you and felt for you. Out of the corner of your eyes you see armin typing on this laptop with his glasses on. You’ve only seen them on him a handful of time before and he looked very attractive with them on.
Making your way back to armins room you lay down next to him “so…what do you want to do today.” 
“Oh theres this really cool cafe we can go to—i've been wanting to go for a while” he pulls up the cafe on his laptop, it fits his aesthetic perfectly—its very chill and there was even a small aquarium in the corner.
“Woah thats so cool armin.” armin had always had a way for finding the most fascinating places.This one time he had taken your whole friend group to a beach at a remote location,that was a really good day.
“Ok i have to go back to my dorm and get ready—ill come back after ok.” you get up and start to gather your stuff “ alright, ill see you later”
You walk out the door and walk to your dorm…on the way back to your dorm your mind was filled with only one thing 
Armin
Your moring spent with him, being able to have the whole day with him, he occupied your thoughts.I mean when did all this start—to admit you have always seen armin as an attractive guy—but your just know seeing him in a new light. Is your guys ‘ fake dating’ what triggered these feelings? If you and him actually start dating it would be much easier than faking it every time you saw jean.
Your thoughts were interrupted by texts from Sasha berating you for missing classes and not coming back last night. You get ready in your dorm and put on the cutest and most comfortable outfit you have—you text armin that your finally ready and you hear knocking on your door and you go to open it. “Armin what are you doing here?” 
“Oh—um i was already ready so i just decided to come get you.” you blushed at the comment, how long has he been waiting for you here? He extends his hand out to you…you take his hand interlocking fingers with him. “So have far away is the place from here?” he grabs his phone and pulls up the directions “well it's a little far so we’ll have to drive there.” you had forgotten that armin drives, he mostly takes the bus or walks to places— erens was the one who was driving you around.
“Arent you kinda cold?” you were wearing a thin black long sleeve shirt, he must have seen you rubbing your arms a bit. “Um yea a little-” armin takes off his hoodie that he was wearing and hands it to you —here— he give you his soft smile and a nod assuring you to take it. You put it on and you can smell his vanilla and something wood musk and it…how much you loved his smell.
You get to his car and he opens the door for you—he can be such a gentleman, he gets in the drivers seat and you guys drive off. You watch the way that armin drives, how he pays such close attention to the road, the way he turns the wheel with one hand when making a sharp turn. “Um are you ok?'' Armin asks while he's parking. You had just been staring at him for a good while…just embarrassingly nodding your head and get out of the car and he led you into the cafe.
Staring in awe at the interior design of the cafe “woah armin look at the fish” dragging him towards the fish and you being captivated by them.
You look over to armin only to catch him staring at you and snapping his eyes away 
“Oh um i'm gonna go get a menu ok”
Nodding your head in agreement you take a seat the is close to the aquarium when you get a text on your phone from mikasa saying that she overheard jean talking about you to floch and renier. Why couldn't he just leave you alone? It had been over a month since you guys have broken up—well you haven't really gotten over it yet but you were trying and he should to and he should to
Armin comes back and plops himself down on the chair, he can tell that your a bit perturbed from your face “what happened?” he hands you the menu “ jean can't keep my name out of his mouth.” your rant on and on to him about jean and he just listens…no judging or anything he's interested in what you have to say. 
“Im sorry..im just babbling on”
“No no its ok i get it….he's just being a dick”
You too sit in silence while just staring at the menu “so um have you decided what you want.” he sets his menu down and you point on the menu to what you want and give him a cheeky smile.
“Alright i'm gonna go order” he returns the smile then goes to order—for the rest of the time that you two could have talked for an eternity. Just being in each other's presence you loved being there with him talking about life and what you want for your futures. “Oh we have to get back '' Armin checks his phone and turns out you guys have been out 5 hours together and you both have barley even noticed it.
“Why do we have to get back?”
“To study.”
You guys had missed so much work today armin had insisted that you guys study when you get back. Armin always helped you study and was you tutor for a whole semester before you had eventually given up — the two of you had finally gotten back to armins room when you get a text from jean on your phone saying he wants to talk as if he wasn't already talking about you today. You respond with ‘fuck you’ and put your phone in your lap,all of a sudden it’s buzzing like crazy with degrading messages.
You start to tear up reading 
“Is it jean again? Here lemme see.” you hand armin the phone and sends a message and powers you phone off 
“Armin i can't do this anymore i need a break” you whine after only studying for 30 minutes, armin closes his book and scoots towards you. Reaching under the table he pulls out some of your favorite snacks, he probably knew beforehand that you would get tired quickly. Your eyes go wide at the site and your mouth starts to water.
“I knew that it would come to this so i'm gonna bribe you.” he slides the treats to the middle of the table and taps his pencil on your book “ alright so if you use this formula then what does it equal?” staring at the book trying to process the problem “13” you answer and armins drops his head down and shakes it. Falling back onto the couch and you whine “ This is too hard” 
Armin who had gotten tired of your whining, pulled you close to him — thighs touching — with a stern and determined look on his face. You feel yourself become tense, You’ve only ever seen him be serious a handful of times “pay attention” he says in a low voice. Maybe he had gotten tired of your stupidity— he slowly explains the problem making sure you're paying attention with each word he says. “So…what do you think the answer is now.” he stares at you with a hopeful look on his face. Turing to look at his face “um…29?”
“You got it right!”
“Really i did!?” you jump to hug him making him fall back onto the floor — grabbing your hips putting a firm grip on them. Armin couldn't help the fact that he wanted to touch you, hes been touched and starved for so long that anytime he got an opportunity, he would sure as hell take advantage of it. “Thank you armin.” you sit up and straddle him while he is on the floor. He gives you a soft smile till he starts turning red.
“Ew get a fucking room” you snap your head to see eren and mikasa standing in the doorway, quickly getting up off his lap an sitting on the couch and armin hiding his flustered face in his knees.” are you guys going to the party tomorrow?” Mikasa sits on the couch and Eren starts to take the bottles of alcohol  out of his bag. You give a confused look to Mikasa and Eren apparently sees and rolls his eyes “Our frat is throwing a party tomorrow.” he says as he’s putting the bottles in the fridge. “Someone has his panties in a bunch today huh?”
“Well because someone didn't come to classes today and I had no one to copy off of.” armin grabbing one of the snacks on the table, just shrugged it off “ It's time you learn on your own and i had a good day today so I don't regret it.” stuffed it in his mouth. You had spent another hour or so there until sasha wouldn't stop texting and calling you “alright, looks like i have to get back now or Sasha is gonna come down here herself.” you get up from the couch and immediately does armin too.
“Oh um i can walk you out.”
“Yea that’d be nice…”
A whistle could be heard from eren across the room as you two get up. You two walk out of the door and armin closes it behind him “ Thanks for hanging out with me today armin...seriously it means a lot.” you look up at him—fidgeting with your fingers. “No no i should be thanking you…its really fun being around you—you make me feel so…safe and comforted.” 
At these words you fall into to hug with armin— snaking his arms around your body, you pull away to look up at him. His eyes were so beautiful…unlike anything you’ve ever seen, they were blue like the ocean and every time you look into them it's like he was drowning you in them every time you looked at him. You just stare…your so infatuated with him, then pulling back.
“So whats this I hear about a party huh? Am i not invited?” teasing him there was almost a party there every-few weeks at the frat. You’d go almost every time just to let loose all of the stress of exams “ are you gonna go..” armin almost never goes to any of the parties— he opps to watch documentaries in his room. People say that armin is antisocial but he's just introverted.
“No i dont think im gonna go” an answer you had heard far to many times.This could be a opportunity for armin to finally reach out and let loose 
You pout and he cracks a smile 
“Yk jeans gonna be there might be a good time to get back at him.”
He stands the there and gives you a disappointed look, he knew full and well how much jean had affect you yesterday,  now you wanted to get your revenge and he knew that he was going to be an intricate part in that revenge.There was no way to get out of it, sure the thought of how you were going to use he made him nervous but there's not a thing that he wouldn't do.
“Do i have a say in this?”
“No you dont.”
With a heavy sigh he let out from his chest he had agreed to go with you. A devious smirk has spread across your face, that you tried to hide from him.
“Bye armin” words that hummed out of your mouth as you walked out of the building and you knew the exact way to use armin to make jean jealous...
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thecameronchronicles · 2 years ago
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The Flirt
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TW: Smut. Language. Dom!Topper. Public sex.
SUMMARY: Your best friend Topper makes his feelings for you well known. 
WORD COUNT: 1800
REQUESTED
a-dorkier-book-keeper asked:
Could you pleaseee do something for bestfriend!Topper, where Topper gets jealous over Rafe flirting with you and decides to make it clear to you and his friend exactly who you belong to? Oh my GOSH Topper is just so hot lol
 Thank you for allowing me to send in a request! I love your work!
 Thanks 😊
*I FEEL LIKE IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG SINCE IVE GOTTEN A REQUEST FOR TOPPER SO ABSOLUTELY!
The Flirt
He had been forced to watch you this way for the last two hours. Not to mention the last collection of times you’d arrived at any Kook party to find Rafe using it as an excuse to test your interest in him. Even if it had been harmless flirtations, Topper’s eyes read into every action you made to his friend. Those actions he had fantasized as having been directed to him. Every last one. Everything from the innocuous laugh and illumination of your wide eyes to the more sultry traces made of your fingers across Rafe's impressive physique. It drove him to clench his jaw from across the party. Every former set of circumstances identical to this had amounted to this. But it would be the last time in which he would do so without acting on it. 
"Oh Top, we were just talking about your last competition!" You teased, knowing he loathed discussing the placement he made in contrast to what he could have had. All because he had been distracted by you in that bathing suit, its color having recently become his favorite. 
"If that's any way you guide your hips man, any girl is in for a massive disappointment." You believed you were close enough with Topper to laugh along with such jokes and only being forced to endure a look of annoyance and eventual dismissal. After all, you'd been friends long enough to not even think twice to take a second glance. But as you saw him nearly fuming now, you realized you had miscalculated your emotional proximity. 
"Sorry man," Rafe teased before your arm was taken by Topper as he led you to the side of his estate. Ivy lined the corner of the house just enough to conceal you as he pushed you to the paneling making up its exterior. 
"Top-" You were completely taken back by the rush made of his lips to yours. The pressure of his body constricted any attempt to breathe, bit that it was even possible by the way he pinned you beneath him. Once you reciprocated his kiss, he moved his hands from the rest beside his house to your hips, and higher still. He continued that climb until they fisted your loose beach waves constructed for this very event. The party. 
"Someone could see us-"
"I hope so. Because I've wanted this so fucking long and it's about time I did something about it, don't you think?" You bit your bottom lip, slowly nodding as he turned you away from him. 
"I am going to make it crystal fucking clear that you only need me." As your hand came behind you to try and wrap around his neck as a rest, he forced it stationary to the wall before you. 
"You've had your fun getting everyone's attention. But now you have all mine. And youre gonna listen like a good girl unless you wanna be fucked like a bad one." You wiggled against him, instigating disobedience as he scoffed. A harsh grip through your hair bent you back to face him. His lips just teased your own as you were kept here, unable to kiss him. 
"But first…you're gonna make it clear that you want me." He ran his dominant hand to your breast. 
"Mmm…" He groaned as you moaned to his fondling. Reaching beneath your suit and to your nipple, he twisted the pebble hardened by him. 
"You like this, hmm? Just imagine what these fingers are gonna do inside of you…"
"Please…" You pleaded. The visions you'd erected when alone had already been forgotten in contrast to this. 
"I've always wanted to know what you sounded like when you came. And I intend to find out…just not yet." He withdrew his touch and turned you to him again. 
"You sure you want this? Because once you come over my cock or on my face…even my fingers, it means you're mine."
"Yes, Topper…please…" He breathed out a short exhale of relief before sliding his hand over your stomach and into your shorts. 
"Fuck…you this wet already?"
"I could've come just by you doing that to my chest…"
"You've gotta learn some self control because you're gonna be spent before I even fuck you…I wanna touch you everywhere I've always wanted…" His hand came to your jaw as you were forced to face him once more. 
"Because you're mine and I'm just taking stock in what's mine " You bobbed your head in agreement as his fingers slipped inside of your panties. Your slick welcomed him, offering an ease path between your nether lips as he smirked in approval. 
"You want it, don't you baby? You're so fucking soaked for me…"
"Dripping…" You corrected as his brows raised. 
"And sweet…" He added once neglecting your core and sucking you off of his fingertips. 
"Please, Topper." He tightened his grip to the back of your neck. 
"I think we need to establish that all of this is for me…" He imprinted a firm slap to your ass. 
"I think we need to make sure," His middle finger began to run around your opening, the thick digit bending precisely to your g-spot after only a moment's analysis. 
"Topper!"
"Shit, you're already so close…"
"I've wanted you to touch me like this for so long…" 
"I can tell. You're wet like a fucking virgin. And I know very well you're not because we sat for hours talking about how he didn't know how to touch you-"
Your moaning interrupted him as he would add a second finger. 
"But I do, don't I?" 
"Yes! Oh my god, yes!"
"Better than that pogue?"
"Better than anyone!"
"That's it baby, tell em for me…tell them how good my fingers feel…how badly you wanna ride them until you come…unless you don't want to-"
"No! I do! Please, Top! Fuuuuck!" You rode into his hand as he nodded. 
"Oh God, you sound so good for me…you want it real bad…"
"I need it! I'm so close! Too, I'm gonna come!" 
"Yes…you are…" He groaned into your ear as your eyes pulled into a roll. The force of an orgasm rushing towards you sent your body to shiver between his arms. 
"But not yet." Before you could berate him, you were turned to face him again. His fingers pulled down the straps to your top, revealing your breasts entirely to him. His lips touched every inch of skin made newly visible to him as you voiced your approval in a combination of his name and your moans. 
"I need you to touch me…I've never been this hard in my entire life…" 
Your hand was quick to appease him but he took hold of your wrist. 
"With your throat. All the way in the very back. Show me you’re willing to be uncomfortable for me…willing to cry…" Your eyes shot to the direction of the party set just beyond the corner. 
"If they haven't heard you by now, babe, I think you're okay…besides, my cock's about to make you real quiet…." He saw the hesitance still spread over your expression. 
"Are you not mine anymore?"
"I am!"
"Then show me how well you take my cock behind that pretty smile…that way I know how much you can take." You offered a narrowing of a vixen's stare before teasing his lips. 
"I can take all of you." You believed you'd gotten the last word, a smile of victory wide across your face. A sudden pull of your hair corrected this. 
"Prove it." You accepted the challenge by taking him to your reservation. The natural retching of your body was quickly denied by your furthering endeavors as he nodded. 
The grip on the back of your head made you mobile to him, he pulled you to rest at the wall as he bowed over you. 
"Fuck…you're so good…just like that ..shit…" He growled in sporadic breaths as he was reaching his orgasmic pinnacle embarrassingly swiftly. One more swipe of your tongue and you would be forced to swallow him. Because of that, he stopped you. Just long enough to make you look up at him. 
"Look at me." He demanded as he caught the luminescence of the tears on your cheeks only enhancing your beauty. 
"Stand up."
"But I'm not done." You began to lean to his cock again, only able to wrap your hand around his shaft before he lifted you effortlessly over him. 
"My turn." He explained before sinking you down onto him. Years of sexual tension and thorough foreplay would subject you both to this unwavering pleasure. Slack jaws mirroring each other as he groaned to how you clenched around him. 
"If you're quiet for even a second after I start fucking you, you'll finishing me off while doing so with your fingers…all while everyone wishes they were us…"
"Topper!" 
"Scream for me, baby…God knows you want to." Your body arched immediately to the depth he took inside of you. Even if you wished to be silent, you simply couldn't. His hands to your breasts or ass, eating into your skin, had been too primal. The way he breathed against your perspiring but trembling figure was too erotic. And the way he guided you to rise and crash over his aching cock brought the same pleasure to you that granted him. 
"Topper! I'm gonna come! I'm gonna fucking come!"
"For me?" He chuckled. 
"Yes! For you!" You cried. 
"Who?"
"TOPPER!!!!" You expelled yourself over him. His cock and thighs, drenched by you. 
"Holy shit…" 
"I'm sorry…your shorts-" he took his hand to your face. 
"Look better stained with your cum…" You bit your bottom lip as he continued into you. 
"Just a bit more, baby. I know you're sensitive…but your taking me so fucking well…shit! I'm not gonna last!"
"Come for me! Please!" Your nails embedded into his shoulders before you felt him tense and release himself inside of you. You were perfect for him. Breathless. Spent. His. The only three things he set out to achieve once pulling you away.
"Now go back to Rafe and show him you're mine." As he set you back to your feet, you couldn't hide your grin. 
"What?"
"You know I'm not interested in Rafe, right?"
"I hope not now."
"I only ever wanted your attention, Top."
"Well you've got it. All of it."
TAGLIST: @hopebaker @iovdrew @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4starkey @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @camilynn @sweetestdesire @onmykneesforrafe @drews1love @phildunphyisadilf
MASTERLIST
TOPPER THORNTON MASTERLIST
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the-peak-tmnt · 8 months ago
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Hey there! 👋 I just finished reading the latest chapter of Reciprocity and (hope I'm not bothering you) but I wanted to say all of this while it was still fresh in my mind!
Firstly: I love love LOVE how you lightly touched on Splinter and Raph's relationship pre-losing Leo before things got tense between them. It was just SUCH a nice breath of fresh air from how things currently are with them 😭 (hope they'll have that father & son relationship again someday).
Secondly: Love how you're giving us a glimpse into Leo's anxiety. As someone with crippling anxiety myself, I HEAVILY RELATE TO OUR BOY. And did he almost tell Raph about his spiritual connection!? (I forgot exactly what you called/described it as in your fic, but I noticed it!!)
Thirdly: Your overall world building and real-life references are always such a delight to read. You really make the story and characters FEEL believable, like the film was aiming to do! So reading about them receiving fan-mail and art from kids is SO SWEET.
I know this is already long (sorry); but there's one thing I'd like to ask. The part with the little girl wearing the armbrace and bandanna in Raph's colours WARMED MY HEART. So, this may be a silly question to ask, but will that girl ever make an appearance again?
I understand the point was so that Raph realized the importance of them being "heroes" and inspiring people. I just can't help but imagine a scenario where he randomly runs into her again after everything that's happened. (Not saying you have to put this in your story - pls don't do that omw this YOUR baby!!). It's just something I've been thinking about for HOURS - it really stuck with me.
Again, sorry this was quite long! 🙈 Keep up the great work, take your time, and stay amazing! ✨️
Ahhhhh you are SPOILING ME today! First the fan art on Twitter, now this wonderful comment 😭 And it's never a bother to hear from someone!!!
Firstly: I love love LOVE how you lightly touched on Splinter and Raph's relationship pre-losing Leo before things got tense between them.
Glad you liked that! I really wanted to give everyone a glimpse of "the good old days" (if only to make the current state of things even more painful lol)
Secondly: Love how you're giving us a glimpse into Leo's anxiety. As someone with crippling anxiety myself, I HEAVILY RELATE TO OUR BOY.
On the one hand, I am really sorry to hear that. But on the other, I'm glad that more than a few people have said the way the boys are written feels authentic and relatable. The things the boys are struggling with are delicate subjects, and I'm trying my best handle them appropriately and do them justice.
And did he almost tell Raph about his spiritual connection!? (I forgot exactly what you called/described it as in your fic, but I noticed it!!)
Leo was trying to tell Raph about it! At that point, everyone thinks Leo is just a really sensitive and empathetic guy. I don't want to give too much away, but at that point, Leo was beginning to realize that what he was feeling was something more than that. It's freaking him out though, and Raph was the only person he felt comfortable enough telling back then 😭
I haven't actually given it a "name" per se, because Raph still isn't really aware of it when he's awake. I've been using a few different words interchangeably like connection, bond, link, etc. As things progress and we learn more, my plan is to have one of the characters give it an "official" name.
Thirdly: Your overall world building and real-life references are always such a delight to read. You really make the story and characters FEEL believable, like the film was aiming to do! So reading about them receiving fan-mail and art from kids is SO SWEET.
THANK YOU! I just really really love world building, and I especially love the world building of Mutant Mayhem. It feels real and believable. Its just really fun to sit here and think about how this would play out in the real world (even the boring and logistical parts like having to go to the post office or how they're able to pay for things lol).
I know this is already long (sorry); but there's one thing I'd like to ask. The part with the little girl wearing the armbrace and bandanna in Raph's colours WARMED MY HEART. So, this may be a silly question to ask, but will that girl ever make an appearance again?
akjshfgaksdfhdsaf I can't tell you but...!!!! Sort of! Kind of! Not her specifically, but there will be another Raph and "little kid looking up to him as a hero" moment that's very important and a huge turning point in the whole story and it is taking EVERYTHING I have not to give too much away!!!!!!! WHY CAN'T I WRITE FASTER?!?!
Thanks again so much, I love comments and asks!
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furiousgoldfish · 5 months ago
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Damn i was not expecting the "#tw extreme abuse", thank you very much for your words though
I might be able to help the person who asked about healthy relationships though, ive made a lot of good relationships despite my family:
Communication
•above all else, communicate. Tell them about yourself. Learn about them. Get to know eachother! Likes, dislikes. Boundaries especially! Check in on them. Just a quick hi once in a while can do wonders (lots of relationships fail due to lack of communication or miscommunication)
•listen to eachother
Arguements
•if something happens you can always walk away, make sure the other person understands that they can as well. Take time to collect yourselves and explain later why your upset
•be clear and ask for clarification where you need it
•fights can be scary but dont think that someone will leave you after one
•try to steer clear of insults/threats/blackmail if your angry, thats hard to repair after
Trust
•i know its hard to trust and you can take all the time you need to learn how, but making healthy relationships is a good way to learn trust.
•Dont lie to them or you will get caught up in trying to keep it under wraps (unless its to protect your safety, in that case maybe being around this person is not a good idea), not only will they not trust you but you wont give yourself the opportunity to trust them
Kindness
•be nice. Its simple. Good people, the people that will make for great friends/support/family will be kind back! Go out and meet people! Youll make friends! Just give yourself a chance!
•treat other how you deserve to be treated, with all the love and kindess you should have gotten! They will pay it back, they will love you!
Other notes
•express interest in their interests. You dont have to be a big fan, people will want to show you what they like when they like you. They're sharing something special to them. So ask about it! You dont have to engage much with it, but show them their interests have value. It will make them really happy, and they should be open to yours as well.
•do fun shit together! Something you both enjoy! If there isnt anything that overlaps you can do your own stuff in eachothers company. Just hanging out with them is enough.
•being able to love someone else, is to love yourself. You're filled with so much compassion and care for this person, and they will feel the same. They will be their to love you when life hits the fan.
•again take your time, it can be hard to get right. If it doesn't work out thats an experience you can carry into the next relationship, something to learn from.
Caution:
-make sure they actually make you happy and treat you well, not that theyre just the first person you could latch onto
-make sure you both have personal freedoms, your loyalty to eachother should not come at that cost
-keep yourself safe, safety comes first
Finding good people is a very important one as well, if anyone needs i could try explaining that too. Hope this helps.
Hey thank you for sending this manual!
Yeah your situation is extreme, I'm thinking about you and hoping that you get to experience freedom.
Your manual sounds really nice and is filled with common sense, and I've been following these types of guidelines for most of my life, but still had absolutely no luck. The thing is, this would work if you're surrounded with kind, understanding, non-abusive, friendly people who also just wanted to be friends with you and reciprocate and earn your trust and keep you in your life.
However a lot of people will see your friendly, kind, compassionate and communicative nature and decide to make use of it. It's been the hardest thing for me to realize when the other person is just pretending to be friendly back, in order to exploit me. It's really difficult to take distance from someone when they make you feel guilty for it and attack you for it, and it's hard to not feel guilty and betrayed when it happens. Manipulative people make great use of trust and communication you give them! Treating them with love and kindness will often get you in a situation where love and kindness will be expected, or demanded out of you, while you find yourself unable to ask even for some patience and space for yourself. And I'm worried that this is the situation for most abused people, we're often trying so hard to be kind, communicative, trusting, interested, loyal, patient, giving, caring, compassionate, and they zero in on that and eat it up, taking some time to make us let our guard down, before they start banking on us being in their service.
I have been trying to find good people all of my life, and fell unsuccessful, and I've tried hundreds of people, created a system of red flags that make me drop them, and had to drop pretty much everyone. And it's not as if this manual is generally bad, or I've just sucked so much at communicating and building boundaries, it's just, really difficult after abuse to feel okay around people, and to not be bothered by some of their manipulative nature - it hurts us more than it hurts others.
So even as I'm really bad with people, I can't recommend being very kind, trusting or communicative, of course it's nice if you can be that and not get hurt for it, but I absolutely cannot. It never happened once in my life, that someone returned the same kindness, love and care I gave them, and it often broke my heart. I would have to be very naive to still believe that I just haven't done it for the right person - hundreds of people reacted similarly, took what they could, then either turned on me, hurt me and pretended it was okay and I should stop being sensitive, or abandoned me altogether if I ever stood up to them.
This all is not your fault, and I can completely understand how you sent in these instructions with best of intentions, sincerely believing that this is the key to healthy relationships. It seemed like that to me too, when I was younger! I fully believed this would work, kind people would see me and return the kindness, it would be okay. The only thing I can recommend is the stuff you have under caution - if someone fails to reciprocate, or reciprocates at first and then stops reciprocating, get distance. If your freedom around this person is limited, get away, get distance. If they start treating you worse at any point, get distance. It's not worth ending up in another abusive, neglected or scary situation just for the hope of human connection. And it's also really difficult for an abused person tell when they're being neglected, treated badly or their kindness is not reciprocated, just because we've already been used to so much worse, so anyone not outright threatening to kill us seems like a nice enough person who deserves our whole heart. They often do not.
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[Context, after learning about the decay of angels' plan to annihilate in 10 days, Ango comes home to his wife's presence.]
Warnings: slight angst due to Ango overthinking, but very fluffy, very descriptive kiss part, author's first time writing.
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Ango came home from work, very late as usual. His mind playing events of the DOA'S annihilation, trying to come up with ways to think 10 steps ahead.
10 days...10 days and the continent of Japan will no longer roam of human lives...10 days left for people to be alive 10 days left...and people dont even know what's coming for them
10 days and....
Ango halted the car he was driving as he realized he drove past your shared home.
Ango sighed taking his shoes off and let out a sharp exhale, he didn't even know how shallow his breathing was, until he recalled what Mushitaro said at Anne's playroom...again...
"Welcome home! i've prepared a bath for you, do you want dinner?"
Ango's thoughts dissipated, it was his wife...
"..."
"...are you good? You look like you just saw a ghost"
"..."
"Ango- eh? Uhm..."
Without a second thought he rushed to wrap his arms around his wife's frame, with his head leaning on top of her's, his arms locking to her torso. His wife attempted to sneek her arms out to reciprocate, sharing their warmth.
After what seems to be 5 mins, Ango lets loose, and cups his wife's face to his warm hands.
"Ango...what is this?" His wife was confused, yet she was greatful
"What is what?"
"All this?" "I don't get what you mean my love"
"Oh uhm...its just that usually when you get home, you finish you reports and go to bed from there"
It just now occured to Ango, after 3 years of marriage with his wife, he never got to cherish his love for his wife much, he was too busy saving the world.
"Ah, I undestand how busy you are, so don't fret about it ok?" His wife reassured, bringing up her hands to touch Ango's that are supporting her face for him to cherish.
This was the women he trusted most, the woman that loved him, accepted his flaws, stayed with him despite his dangerous occupation, and was always there to tend to him after his hectic work and sleep less nights of working.
...and this woman was gonna be taken away from him in 10 days...
"...i love you, do you know that..." Ango asked
"Of course I do Ango, I love you more did you know that?" His wife followed now rubbing circles on his hand using her thumbs.
"What would you do if you had 10 days of living left?"
"What!?"
"Sorry...nevermind that..."
"..."
"..."
"Well...I would say goodbye to my family and friends, then..." She came closer putting Ango 's hands off her face. She then wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling their bodies closer.
"I would spend the remaining days with you..."
Ango flushed red, you can almost compare him to the tomato juice he drinks back with Dazai and Oda.
But despite his bothered apperance he coudnt help but feel rather...sad
"But my love...what if in those days im working? I cant tend to you..."
"Oh its ok im not asking you to take 10 days off, I simply want to wait for you home and cook for you and ready a bath for you, then you're gonna do your reports while I wait for you to join me in bed, thats all, like usual, I'd spend 10 days left with just that, and you." His wife answered.
Ango felt something in his heart, as if something heavy was exhaled out of his lungs. He was grateful of his wife, being content with his mere presence.
"This is very... new of you today" The wife added
"Right... I'm sorry"
"You must be very tired asking questions like that"
"You're right"Ango then locked his eyed to his wife's lips and gave very gentle and sweet peck , he missed doing that to you.
"One more" His wife demanded, and so Ango complied
"One more pleaaase" Ango complied again
"One more pleeease" and again
"One more one more" and again...
"One mo-" Before his wife could ask he kissed her again, this time more passionately, and longer.
He moved his hands to her waist, then arms slid from his chest then clinging to the back of his neck
It was getting more passionate while Ango slightly tilted his head to feel her lips on his more, slightly and just gently adding his tongue
to the kiss.
"Mmm- wait I might burn the pastry I'm baking, ill come to it before it burns our house down haha" His wife pulled away to prevent her baking getting burnt.
Ango sat down on the sofa to loosen his tie. He must admit he missed the most intimate moments him and his wife go through, instead of recalling his dilemma from work, he takes a moment to recall their lovely memories together.
Although it was 10 days left, he suddenly had more hope and motivation to save this home of his, which is his wife from the doa's twisted plans.
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Its actually my first time writing hehe oops, just a scenario I wanted to share so it was very sudden
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rosalind-hawkins · 10 months ago
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Euroshipping Musings
Footnotes are below the cut because my parentheses were starting to look ridiculous.
I have this headcanon/recurring trope in my fics(1) of Ryou being Mokuba's not-babysitter. I've figured out where this came from. When Mokuba gets his soul back in Pegasus' castle, Ryou is the one holding him when he wakes up, and I guess I always imagined our Baby Kaiba imprints on Ryou like a duckling. Kaiba doesn't want his brother spending so much time alone only with KC employees or household staff, but Mokuba's a little old for a babysitter(2). Kids his own age aren't too much of an option for one reason or other(3) and most of the dweeb patrol are insufferable to Kaiba, but Ryou is one that's never once tried to lecture him or expressly criticized him, so Kaiba picks him as a companion/caretaker for Mokuba. Ryou thinks of it as being a nanny, but would never use that word around either Kaiba.
Ryou starts spending a lot of time at the Kaiba Mansion, and since he reports directly to Kaiba, he gets a peek at his more personal side, and all of his bad habits: insomnia, caffeine addiction, workaholism. He starts out by doing little things for him, like sneakily switching out his coffee for decaf in the evenings. The more comfortable he gets with Kaiba (who acts unexpectedly chill when he's not in a combative situation and feeling threatened), and this comfort results in him actually scolding Kaiba for his bad habits, trying to correct them and save him from himself. In his mind, he's taking care of both Kaibas now.
Seto starts to really take notice of Ryou a little while after this starts, and he tries asking him why Ryou is doing these thigs for him. It's not part of his job. He gets to the heart of the issue and asks why Ryou is acting like he cares, and Ryou says it's because he does care. Seto just asks why(4) and Ryou struggles to explain. Confessions for these two are never easy or smooth, it takes a little awkwardness and discomfort to be completely honest about feelings and say what they're really trying to say. Kaiba doesn't necessarily reciprocate right away, not externally, but they do get together because Ryou is a calming, caring presence in a home that didn't see a lot of that for a long time, and because Seto realizes how nice it can be to let yourself be cared for, and that he'd miss Ryou if he ever left.
It's not a fiery passionate love (though they do grow into the passionate stuff) but it starts out as something very domestic, very simple. It's two hurt people recognizing each other and approaching with caution and care, and finding a way to fit into each other's lives. Learning how to lean on each other, just a little bit at a time, until one day they wake up and realize they can't imagine a life without the other person there. It's Seto realizing how cold his life would be without giving Ryou's bedhead a goodbye kiss in the morning and the scent of his tea in his office and a lint-roller full of long white hairs dusted off his suits sitting on the bathroom counter. It's Ryou realizing that he's found a new family for himself and how dear it is to him, and how he hopes this never ends because he found a place where he feels safe and loved and doesn't know if he could do this all over again.
My very first Euroshipping story(5) was based around this whole idea of Ryou babysitting Mokuba, and it just snuck its way into my other stories too.
I even put this trope in Rock Bottom where Ryou is Mokuba's babysitter, though the circumstances there are wildly different
or not, I play with the age difference for the Kaibros sometimes
either Mokuba is homeschooled, or he's just as suspicious of friendship as his older brother is, or he just gets into fights at school anytime people talk shit about his big bro (that's another trope of mine), so true friends are a little hard to come by
I swear I have three different scenes for two different fics (one is a deleted scene) of someone confessing their feelings to Kaiba and him asking them why because this boy can't understand why someone would like him on a personal level. It comes with the territory of being generally bad at emotions; it also comes with the territory of every version of Kaiba I write being traumatized to some degree, but that's gonna get its own post.
That fic is only posted on FFN, where all my oldest stuff is. I didn't think it was good enough to cross-post to AO3.
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evereinefaust · 8 months ago
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.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ 𝐀𝐜𝐭 𝟐 *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .
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Today's one of the many days that the two planned on spending alone time together. It was already after school — the bright sun was slowly descending down the horizon, and splashes of yellow and orange painted the evening sky. The colors of which Nagito was reminded of autumn, and of course, the feeling of warmth.
The male sauntered over the central plaza where the biggest fountain was located, the place where he and his little talentless friend would hang out. The soles of his school shoes clanked against the stone pathway, providing him with some sort of sound in this silent area. Once he saw the mop of [h/c] sitting on the bench, a smile made its way onto his face, walking faster to meet the girl.
"Did you wait long for me, [Name]-chan?" Nagito asked, sending her a sheepish grin as he sat right next to her.
"No, I just got here," she answered, reciprocating the smile with her own gentle one.
"I could get used to her smiles..."
The [h/c]ette began their conversation after, telling the white-haired boy everything that happened on that day. Nagito listened attentively, nodding and humming occasionally to let her know that he was listening to what she had to offer. The girl's face was bright — her [e/c] orbs were sparkling with much life and euphoria and a permanent smile was etched on her lips. Their days would always consist of this: it's either one of them would initiate a full conversation while the other just listens and occasionally provides responses.
Not a few moments later, Nagito's mind wandered and he unintentionally zoned out what his female companion was telling him. His dull-colored orbs stared blankly at the fountain in the middle of the plaza, watching its crystal waters spew out into the basin below. He squinted his eyes and let out a muted sigh.
"I wonder how [Name]-chan would react if I tell her about my illness? Does she still want to stay and hang out around some nobody like me, or will she finally decide to leave me? I guess the latter would be likely. After all, it would be unfair to her to know that I would die soon and she would ultimately grow too attached to me. Ah... how unlucky she would be if that were to happen. And it's all my fault."
His gaze dropped, feeling his heart starting to throb erratically against his chest as he clenched it. The boy knew this feeling, yet it seemed unfamiliar to him at the same time. The only time he would feel his heart race was when anticipating greatly about what his luck would cause him — either something good or bad. And for his entire years of existence, the silverette started to attribute the feeling to his luck and hope. But never once he would experience this new sensation and attribute it to something else.
Once again, his mind wanders to the lonely and sleepless nights he had prior. The scenes of what his luck would cost him — his family and other innocent people — haunt him to this very day. However, it's not like Nagito had control over it; no, he was powerless against his own talent. That's why all he could do was to cope with the misfortune it brings as a way to stay sane and in control. However, in the process, he started to lose his sense of reality and also his humanity.
"Ah... this feeling... It's so new to me that I'm afraid it's caused by my luck. And yet, I don't want this feeling to vanish. I was fine with dying while I was still healthy, but it's quite lonely to die alone... Now that I'm on the verge of death, I've finally realized what I wanted all along: somebody's love."
For a brief moment, Nagito turned his gaze to his companion who he'd noticed stopped talking. A light breeze passed by, making her [h/l] [h/c] hair gently sway in its direction. Her small hand tucked a stray strand behind her ear, revealing her [s/c] complexion and those alluring [e/c] orbs admiring the garden. A satisfied smile graced her lips, her eyes softening a bit as she continued her observation.
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Nagito, as well, couldn't help but contain a smile upon seeing how dazzling this particular girl could be. She wasn't any special of sorts — no ultimate talent that separates her from the rest of the people in the world. Yet, despite that, the male was still attracted to her.
"Should I tell her about her appearance? Ah... but I may end up saying something stupid instead. Though, she truly is bright; like there's this hope hidden within her. Hope... I want to see this hope that resides in her."
Ever since he decided to go to the reserve course side of the academy, ever since meeting her on that day, Nagito noticed a slight change in his dull life. Is this caused by his good luck? That, he doesn't fully understand yet. Because if it truly is, then...what could the bad luck that precedes this would be? But never once did the thought ever cross his mind; it was like whenever he was with her, he could forget about everything else. 
"Maybe it might not be that bad...to finally live my life to the fullest without being afraid of the consequences of my luck."
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"Ever since I was a child, I've been cursed to live this cycle of good and bad luck. Major events occurred that shaped my life right now... All of those were just a pattern to my luck. It's just like a rollercoaster. At first, I was definitely scared of all the bad things that happened to me, and was genuinely happy about all the good ones. But as time goes on, it just becomes boring already knowing what would possibly come next. But with her around, everything seems to just fade away like it doesn't even matter."
A sigh escaped Nagito's lips, turning his attention on a certain [h/c]-haired student walking in front of him. Her [h/l] tresses swayed with each slow step she took against the pavement, hands linked behind her back as her head turned side to side to admire the flowers lining up the pathway.
It was one of those days when the two would be allowed to explore more of Hope's Peak, visiting some available places such as the botanical garden. Although the garden was technically a part of the eastside quarter that housed the Main Course building and its research facilities for the students, Nagito would try to sneak this curious girl in. Besides, it's not like anyone could stop him from doing just that.
"Their words and actions... although at first, I didn't quite understand why they were like that towards me. But now, I realize it. Was it selfish of me if I wished to experience that same kindness and understanding coming from [Name]-chan?"
"Ah! So there's also [fav/flower] here? Wow, I didn't expect that! I thought that only a select species of plants were grown here. Ah, but then yet again, it's the botanical garden of Hope's Peak; of course, the Ultimate Botanist or Ultimate Gardener would be honing their skills here," the girl declared, stopping by the patch of the said flowers and bent down to examine the beauty of it. Her expression softened.
"So you like [fav/flower], huh?" the girl nodded, regarding him with her famous smile which made his heart skip a beat. Chuckling to himself, he felt his cheeks burn up. "I admit, they look good on you."
"Huh? O-oh... Thank you, Nagito-senpai," a blush spread across her face, smiling cheekily at his compliment.
"It's really weird how a talentless, simple girl like her brings change inside of me. I... didn't expect that you were the one to let me see things in a new light. Ah, then yet again — you are the only person who is not an ultimate who I interact with this longest." 
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Inhaling the sweet scent of the garden, Nagito then closed his eyes. At the moment, the male felt like he was consumed by a dream — a dream so wonderful that he didn't want to wake up. He could see splashes of different pale yet warm colors — yellow, orange, pink, blue, green, red, and violet — all of which combined to make a stunning canvas in his mind. The image he could see was void of any geometric shapes, just a random assortment of colors in the palette. Nevertheless, it didn't make it any less beautiful in his eyes.
"Ah... Then yet again, dreams are nice too. And unlike reality, anything could happen in a dream. Maybe this feeling that I'm feeling, this scenario that I was experiencing, was all just something that materialized in a dream due to my desires. Of course, for some trash like me, nothing like that would happen to me. As long as I live, it will continue." 
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"Nagito-senpai?"
"Ah...that voice. A voice filled with sweet, sweet hope. It fills me so much with bliss that I'm so happy to hear it again and again."
Heeding her call, the silverette slowly opened his lids. Grayish-green eyes were met with [e/c] ones. He saw her staring back at him, a slight crease in between her eyebrows with her head tilted to the side as she regarded him with a confused expression.
"Are you alright? You seemed to be in a trance," she asked, frowning with concern. 
Nagito could only chuckle in response to that, genuinely happy that she cared for someone like him. "I'm happy that you deeply care for a lowly bug like me. Though, don't worry; I was just thinking." 
"Oh, what are you thinking about then, senpai?" 
"You," he grinned at her. 
The girl's face bloomed a thousand shades of red due to his straightforward answer. She didn't expect him to respond like that. At all. She shyly hid her face from his gaze on her while the silverette only let the smile decorate his face still. Though, surprisingly, Nagito's face was also smeared with the pink hue. 
"H-how about we go back, senpai? Lunchtime is nearly over and I don't want to cause you any trouble if I'm caught here," [Name] said, grabbing the boy's sleeves and pulling him out of the garden. 
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Days flew by whenever the two would bond together, and it's only been recently that Nagito realized how much time has passed. Yet again, it's already been another month that passed by. The heavens were littered with droplets of white flurry, enveloping the entire land with snow. Winter had already started, and here the frost-haired boy was, standing near the bench that he and a particular reserve course student would hang out in, only this time, he didn't approach the lone girl sitting by herself.
His dull-colored hues immediately took notice of her melancholic expression — her once bright [e/c] orbs were glossed with waterworks, a stream of salty tears cascading down her soft [s/c] cheeks. He could hear her sniffs and hiccups even from where he was, and every time it entered his ears, his heart would churn in pain. 
Nagito didn't understand why he was debating whether or not to approach her, after all, they were already that close. But the boy never realized how crucial this moment could be — this moment in which he had first seen the girl without those bright smiles on her lips. And although he hadn't completely decided on what to do, his legs moved forward on their own. 
"Hey, [Name]-chan!" he greeted with his usual closed-eye carefree smile and a small wave.
"H-huh?! O-oh... It's just you Nagito-senpai," her eyes widened in surprise upon seeing this particular silverette. She then wiped her tears away though remained silent. 
"H-huh...? Why did I...?" 
Nagito blinked in confusion at his own action. He, too, was surprised about what he did. He sweat-dropped at that, though seeing that he was already in this situation, he concluded that it was better to just go on with it. He wordlessly took the seat next to her, the soft snow melting against his warmth. He regarded her with a scrutinized gaze, his earlier jovial expression contorted into those of concern.
"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" 
She meekly and slyly glanced at him briefly, before sniffling and exhaling a shaky breath. The air around her mouth vaporized into a mist, her shoulders slumping in the process. Mustering up her courage, she began admitting her concerns to this male. It's not like there's anything wrong that could happen, right?
"It's just that... I was having trouble here..." she admitted, a crimson hue dusting her cheeks.
"Oh... Why's that?" the male prodded.
"Well...despite all the good times that I had here, I find it hard to fit in; it's like I don't belong here," she continued, now fiddling with her gloves with her head hung low.
"But you're a student of Hope's Peak, you technically belonged here," Nagito bluntly stated, completely unaware of her words.
The girl only shook her head sadly. "I didn't mean it like that, senpai..."
"Oh, I'm sorry," the frost-haired boy chuckled at his blunder. "What do you mean by that, then?"
"It is true that physically, I am a part of Hope's Peak. But, as a student in the reserve course, I don't feel emotionally connected with them," she softly expressed, raising her head as she stared at the snowflakes fluttering down from the skies.
By now, the Ultimate Lucky Student was genuinely confused by what she was saying. However, knowing the boy, he isn't really the type to be able to read between the lines or read the mood around him. Yet, despite that, Nagito pursed his lips in deep thought, trying to find a way to make the girl feel better. Even if it's just a little bit.
"I don't understand... But you're friends with Hinata-kun and the others, right?"
She chuckled at that. "Yes, I'm friends with Hajime, Sato-san, Nanami-san, and the others. But honestly, I don't know why I feel like they weren't enough. Am I being pathetic? Wishing to find someone else even though I've been surrounded by wonderful people like them?"
"No, you aren't pathetic [Name]-chan. To me, you're amazing — the one who gave me hope." 
"My classmates, they... for the past months, I noticed that I'm becoming more and more of an outcast in class. In the beginning, it was fine, even though I never really got close to some of them. But as time passed, it felt like there was a growing rift between us — they actively avoided me, sending me dirty stares, and whispering against my back. It may be my imagination but I swear that I heard some of them badmouthing me for being close to Nanami-san and Sato-san, saying that I'm trying to get close to them just so that I can take advantage of their kindness. It...hurts..."
"I see..." he nodded. "Though it can't be helped. There certainly is a barrier between the ultimate and the talentless. And born from that division was the envy and jealousy that a person has hidden within. Some day at some point, it would undoubtedly spring out."
[E/c] eyes were wide as saucers at his words. Her expression...was something that Nagito could visibly see but couldn't understand why she was making that. Hurt and pain reflected in her glassy pools, staring at him with her eyebrows knitted together. Her mouth was parted ajar, may it be from disbelief, he doesn't know. Upon seeing her react like that, he felt his heart pound strongly against his chest, as if criticizing him for his behavior. After a few more moments, she returned her gaze to the frozen fountain.
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What happened after completely surprised the ultimate student. There, beside him, the girl he's a friend with was hunched over and now a sobbing mess. She had her gloved hands covering her entire face, the sounds of her loud wails were muffled. Her whole body was trembling greatly, often rising in every sharp inhale she would take. This is the first time Nagito had encountered this kind of situation. And unfortunately, he didn't know what to do.
The boy sweat-dropped, pursing his bottom lips once again as his eyes could only stare at her fragile and petite form. A crease was visible on his forehead, indicating his concern and conflict. He felt bad for being insensitive to her feelings despite her opening up her trouble to him. He knows that he has to do something, yet, because of his incompetence, he doesn't know what the proper procedure is. In the end, he could only blame himself for this outcome. 
"Ah, I'm terribly sorry, [Name]-chan. Because of a scum like me, I instead hurt you more."
"N-now, now, [Name]-chan," he started, scooting closer to her trembling form as he rubbed circles on her back as a way to comfort her. Noticing that she hasn't calmed down, he nervously sweat-dropped. "H-hey... How about I tell you a joke? Ah! How about this one? Why did the scarecrow get promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field."
An awkward silence ensued moments after he said his awful joke. And add to his problem, it didn't make any difference to the girl's situation. Here they are still: him rubbing her back repeatedly while she continued her breakdown. Her soft sniffles and hiccups were the thing he could hear in the vicinity, the sounds seemed to mock him for his failure to comfort his precious friend.
"Maybe it was a bad idea to approach her, after all. Not only do I make her cry but I also cannot fix my mistake and comfort her. Furthermore, for [Name]-chan to experience bullying in this school... Maybe it's my fault that this is happening to her... My bad luck has done this to her."
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After the whole ordeal that happened yesterday with [Name], Nagito once again walked the path towards the central plaza. However, this time, he doesn't plan on visiting his little reserve course friend. After all, if those bad things happened to her due to his bad luck affecting her as well, then maybe it's time that he should watch his distance from her. And that, he convinced himself to do. Yet, why did he find himself staring at the same girl that he vowed to stay away from?
Grayish-green eyes watched as the [h/c]ette conversed with the brown-haired male, her face a complete contrast to what he had seen the day before. Her bright smile which sparked hope inside him, was now given to her friend. He witnessed Hajime patting the girl's head affectionately, saying something to her that made her blush and eventually shy away. Hajime laughed, poking her cheeks repeatedly as the girl huffed in annoyance at his gesture and childishly pouted at him.
"I shouldn't continue watching them like this. [Name]-chan is better off with Hinata-kun and not someone like me. After all, he is her close friend and he knows her better than me. Surely, he could comfort her better than I could ever do."
Gazing at them for the last time, he then saw familiar faces approaching the two: Kokichi Ouma, Byakuya Togami, Chiaki Nanami, and Shiro Sato. Shiro casually strolled towards them, giving them a gentle wave with the purple-haired skipping beside the Ultimate Song Writer. Byakuya had his arms crossed as he walked on the ravenette's other side. Meanwhile, Chiaki held a controller in her hand as she smiled gently at the flustered reserve course female.
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Nagito let out a sad sigh, deciding to finally leave them alone. Hands in his pockets, he turned his heels and ambled away from the area. His gaze blankly trailed at the heavens, watching as the snowfall stopped. The breeze picked up moments later, making his fluffy silvery lock flutter away in its direction and his body shivering a bit from the cold. His mind began to drift away once again. However, every thought that he could think of was all from the girl.
"It's better if she's with them rather than with me. I don't know why you decided to stop and give attention to a lowly piece of trash like myself. And to think that I got ahead of myself and even dropped my guard."
"Nagito-senpai!"
"Huh?" he uttered, surprise evident on his face as he spun around to be met with the same girl he had thought of moments prior.
"I'm glad I found you, senpai!" she declared, stopping just a foot away and placing her hand on her knees. He could hear her heavy breathing as if she had run a mile to catch up to him. After she regained her breath, she stood straight and extended her arms towards him, a red hue smeared across her cheeks and a large grin on her lips. "Here! These are for you, Nagito-senpai!"
"Huh...? What is this for?" he questioned, baffled by the gifts presented to him.
His incredulous gaze examined the items in the student's hand — a uniquely designed journal with a small sachet of potpourri perched on top of it. He could smell a mix of familiar scents: roses, lavender, rosemary, lemon; and other more he couldn't identify.
[Name] giggled, urging him to accept the gifts. "These are gifts for you, silly!" 
"Is it...really okay to accept this...?" he questioned further, still reluctant and in denial of any of these happening in reality. 
"Of course, senpai," she answered, voice as soft as ever. She moved forward and took his hand, dropping the items in his open palm. "I made these as a thank you for yesterday. Thank you, senpai, for being with me that time and listening to my worries. Thank you for trying to comfort me even though I broke down without warnings. Even though it seems to be not much, your gesture truly meant a lot to me." 
"No...I haven't done anything to receive your thanks. But...for someone like me to be useful to you, and to even receive your words of gratitude...makes me happy."
Nagito's face was undoubtedly filled with pure bliss at that simple yet profound gesture. His heart started to race inside his chest, butterflies fluttering in his stomach, and his pale cheeks warmed up a pink hue. He remembered the wish he had made months before — the wish that said he wanted to experience the same kindness Chiaki and Chisa showed him from [Name]. And now that was fulfilled today, he was truly grateful to have met this girl. 
"Hmhmhm... Just thinking about the bad luck that's waiting for me is making me feel all tingly...!"
The confusion was written all over [Name]'s face at his comment. Truly, it was his quirk to make statements like that, though the young female is still not used to hearing him say that. Though seeing how soft his gaze was on her gift, she closed her eyes, linking her arms behind her back while letting out a wholehearted laugh. The sound of her dainty laughter filled Nagito with a fuzzy feeling.
"This feeling is really nice..."
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A young child of just 10 stared at the body of his pet dog, its corpse lying quietly on the side of the pavement. His greenish-gray eyes bore holes into its flattened form, a pool of dark red blood surrounding it. Inching his gaze to the dog's surroundings, he could see the bloody tire trails leading away from the canine. There was no one else in the area; not even a single soul.
His face was devoid of any known emotion — his pale facade was just a blank slate. He felt his heart churning in excruciating pain at the horrendous sight and the trauma. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to cry nor shed a single tear for his beloved pet.
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Nagito once again stood there. His widened eyes could only stare at the countless dead bodies littering the airplane. His parents' body was lifelessly laid a few meters away from him, blood pooled around their lifeless forms. A meteorite had gone and crashed the boarded aircraft, forming a split in the carrier and the passengers by the business class sections were dead, all except for this particular child.
He could hear the panicked screams outside, but he didn't mind all of them. All he could feel at the moment was despair upon seeing his parents being killed in front of him.
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A certain white-haired boy walked out of his middle school, minding his own business as he began to travel all the way home. Upon entering the busy parts of the city and maneuvering through the countless alleyways, a mysterious person took hold of him — covering his nose and mouth with a handkerchief and detaining his arms. Soon after, the boy was drugged to sleep.
After what seemed to be hours, the white-haired boy woke up, seeing nothing but darkness and hearing distant voices from where he was. He tried to move around, only to realize that he had been tied up and stuffed into a garbage bag. Soon after, he could hear the door being broken down and people coming in. Finally, he was freed from his unfortunate imprisonment.
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A lone young man stood amidst the darkness. There was nothing in sight — just an endless space of darkness. He let his eyes scan the area but was fruitless in his endeavor. Nagito then decided to walk around, trying to find any clue of where he was or what he was doing there. It was certainly unusual, that he could feel nothing from this place — no uneasy feeling, no nothing. Soon, the silverette halted in his steps, his gaze fixated on a person before him.
It was a girl, somewhere around his age. She had [h/l] [h/c] hair and wore a brown school uniform. She had her back facing him, and he couldn't see anywhere past that. Upon landing his eyes on this particular girl, his heart immediately sped up. He was confused by the occurrence but said nothing. He tried to take a step forward, however, it seemed that he was already glued to his place.
A few moments passed, and several other people started to fade into existence, standing on each side of this particular girl. Nagito instantly identified all of them: Sonia, Kazuichi, Ryota, Chisa, Gundham, Nekomaru, Ibuki, Hiyoko, Peko, Fuyuhiko, Mahiru, Akane, Teruteru, and lastly, Mikan. They just stood there, forming a line with the said [h/c]-haired girl in the middle. He watched them materialize, and they remained motionless like a mannequin.
Soon after, he could feel immense pain plaguing his insides. He gasped, sweat beads rolling down the side of his pale face as he clenched his throbbing heart. His knees buckled which forced him to drop. His other hand was planted against the cold floor, serving as a prop to help his crouched body. He had his head hung, seeing the salty water pitter-pattering on the ground. The boy let out a whimper, then panted. As he returned his gaze to the people in front of him, that's when his eyes dilated at the sight.
Each one of his beloved friends was dead, pools of blood surrounding their lifeless forms. All of them...except for a particular girl. There she is still, standing in the middle of the countless bodies arranged in a row — their death was unique in each way. After what seemed to be an endless minute, the [h/c]ette finally moved. She spun around and met Nagito's miserable condition.
At last, he finally saw her face... Those soft [s/c] skin, those bright [e/c] orbs, and those pink lips. Almost instantly, he was filled with tenderness and warmth upon seeing her face. She had a smile on, a smile which he grew familiar and attached to. Nagito tried to lift his body up and successfully did so as he staggered to keep his balance up. With a shaky arm, he tried to reach out to her, only for him to drop it seconds later.
What he saw next made the boy stop in his tracks; the previous corpses of his class vanished into thin air, now replaced in its stead were the closest friends a certain reserve course student has. He saw Hajime and Chiaki together, walking towards the young female. Shiro followed after, emerging from the other side with Kokichi and Byakuya right on his trail. He saw how this girl's face lit up upon seeing her friends, letting out a hearty chuckle with a small blush resting on her cheeks.
However, just like the previous times, the bliss of the moment didn't last long. One by one, he had witnessed a certain scene playing in front of him. First, it was Hajime. The brunette was, for some reason, printed on a large scratch lottery ticket. The title of it was printed in a large bold red color, the words 'Scratch de Hinata' engraved in Nagito's mind.
An unknown entity came in, a burst of maniacal laughter following it. With a giant coin, the entity harshly scratched the picture of the reserve course student. Hajime's screams and cries bellowed throughout the vicinity, tears of terror and pain cascading down his face as he slowly disappeared from existence. After the boy was completely scratched out, the words 'Try Again' were shown. The mysterious entity huffed in annoyance, leaving shortly after.
Soon after that, several other horrid death scenes come into play. Next was Chiaki, who was going through a death maze and was impaled in the end. Then there's Byakuya, who was thrown into a dump from high above. His bloodied form was then followed by random silhouettes throwing numerous rocks at him, injuring him even more. As the blonde heir tries to escape, however, he then ends up in a cold place. There was no one else there, yet due to the frigid conditions, he died shortly after.
The Ultimate Song Writer... the poor ravenette was strapped on an armchair, eyes were forced wide open with the help of equipment. His arms, torso, and left arm were the only ones strapped. There was a large television screen in front of Shiro, and on his desk were several papers and a pen in his right hand. As the screen opened, there was a video of the same entity from earlier. It cackled, then soon the television screen was switched to a horrid video shown to the ravenette.
Nagito heard his scream as the collar around the poor boy beeped and his neck was zapped with electricity. Almost immediately, Shiro's hands started writing song lyrics on the paper nonstop as the torture continued. It went on for what seemed to be hours...before Shiro's hands dropped and the pen in his hold clanked against the ground. There, sitting by the chair was a wide-eyed Shiro, his orbs were lifeless as salty tears streamed down his face. His neck was burned and wired, and soon, his neck snapped off and the head rolled off the ground.
Last but not the least, was the purple-tressed Ultimate. Kokichi's body was tied and he was placed under a large hydraulic press. The boy squirmed around, trying to untie himself and get away from the large metal plate slowly descending on him. Tears were formed at the corners of Kokichi's eyes, yelling out cries for help and even profanities. However, no one was there to save him. As the press was only inches away from crushing his body, the indigo-tressed student stopped and finally accepted his fate.
The loud and ghastly crunches of bones and muscles under the force of the press added by Kokichi's fleeting screams scarred Nagito. After the machine finished its job, the area around the hydraulic press was covered with deep and thick blood. Soon after everyone's death was shown, the vision faded away, revealing the same [h/c]ette standing still. The aforementioned people were now dropped dead beside her.
Nagito hadn't noticed it yet, but as soon as his gaze landed on her, he felt his eyes sting and a waterfall of tears came rushing down his cheeks. He opened his mouth, trying to call out to her but nothing is coming out of his throat. He tried to reach out to her, but his arms suddenly became heavy. His whimpers were the only sound he was hearing at the moment, yet, none seemed to reach out to her.
Soon enough, the girl faced Nagito. Her tear-stricken face — her bitter smile, and those [e/c] eyes full of grudge and hate — were aimed at the frost-haired male. She flashed him a sickeningly sweet closed-eye smile, and as soon as her lids opened, she regarded him with disdain. A few words were muttered before the scene before him changed and then he finally saw where the girl was standing... on top of Hope's Peak's Reserve Course building.
Nagito's screams resounded as he finally got a hold of his body. He threw his arms out towards the girl, yet it didn't stop her from falling down to her untimely demise. The breeze roughly rushed past her body before he heard a large splat and a flattened body lying on the cold pavement.
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"W-what was that...? A nightmare...?"
Deep and heavy breathing resounded in the empty room. A young man with pearlescent hair and grayish-green eyes was woken with a start. Beads of sweat covered his entire face, eyes wide as saucers and he could feel his heart beating erratically against his ribcage. The boy was disconcerted and frightened at that moment, and it took him much time before he could finally calm down.
Staring out at the room's window, he could see the luminescent glow of the white moon high above the skies, the snow falling gently and piling up on the grounds. Nagito let out a chuckle, putting a hand on his face and moving away some of his wavy locks. Shortly after, his chuckles died down and he slumped his shoulders, leaning idly against his bed's headboard.
"It's all my fault... Everything is all my fault... Why did I begin to believe that things would change just like that? A lowly piece of trash, a scum like myself doesn't deserve happiness. As long as I'm alive, as long as my very existence is tied to luck, I will always bring disaster to others. That will never change."
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The next day, with those words in mind, Nagito then walked his way towards school. He was aloof once again, his mind wandering elsewhere and trying not to let a specific person invade his thoughts. As soon as he reached the academy's grounds and entered, he noticed a couple of students rushing past him. He didn't give it much thought, but when his ears caught the words 'someone's dead', his heart began to race.
Grayish-green eyes dilated a bit, immediately stopping in his tracks. He could feel his whole body react negatively to that statement, and he hung his head low. Nagito blankly stared at the pavement, his mind ceased to function as the only thoughts swirling around were of that particular girl. Subconsciously, he let his feet follow the students who rushed to see the scene.
After a few moments of catching up with the others, Nagito then noticed the large crowd by the central plaza — students, both from the reserve and main course, teachers, school authorities, and officials surrounded the large fountain. Murmurs echoed throughout the plaza as Nagito tried to get closer to see the scene. The male was undoubtedly frightened of who he would see, his hand becoming clammy around the strap of his bag.
Once he was fairly at the front of the bunch, his surprised gaze landed on the person lying on the water fountain. Those short, raven locks, that fair complexion, those tattered Main Course uniform... There's no doubt; it was Shiro Sato, the Ultimate Song Writer. There were several lacerations all over his entire body, tearing apart the once charming male uniform of the main course students. His body was dumped poorly in the fountain, the water around him turning red from all the blood seeping out of the wounds.
Certainly, this came out as a shock for Nagito — that a symbol of hope like him had met this fate. But, at the same time, the white-haired male didn't know why he felt relieved at that revelation. Maybe because it wasn't her that ended up like this. Although he was completely out of touch with his emotions and suppressed any real feelings of sorrow, he still felt bad that something like this happened to his underclassman.
"Ah... How could someone do this to a symbol of hope like him? How dare they!"
Deciding that he had seen enough, Nagito turned around from the scene, ready to go on with his merry way and into the sidelines. However, as he landed his gaze on the group of students far back, his eyes widened. There, just a few meters away from him was the girl he deeply cared about — [Name] stood still on her spot, her gaze fixated on the horrid scene before her. Her [e/c] pools shrunk in disbelief and horror, her mouth slightly parted and a visible crease was in between her eyebrows.
The boy knew how much Shiro meant to [Name], and for her to witness something as gruesome as this, he didn't want to know how despair-inducing this could be to her. He knew that he had to stop the [h/c]ette from staring at the Ultimate Song Writer's body and take her away from this incident.
"[Name]-cha—!"
Unfortunately, he wasn't able to call upon her as the said girl burst into tears, instantly turning around and fleeing the area. Nagito gave chase, leaving the central plaza as well in search of his reserve course friend.
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Nagito followed after her without much thinking. He knew that he had to make the girl stay away from Shiro's corpse as soon as possible, but he didn't intend things to be this way. He wasn't the type of guy to assert himself and chase after another, yet, he found himself doing just that. It was like his body moved on its own accord whenever the situation involved [Name].
The student took a heavy breath, pausing for a while and planting his hands on both knees. He was completely exhausted by the uncalled exercise he had just done. Sweat built all over his body and on his face, making his school uniform stuck on his sweaty skin. After a moment of regaining his breath and rest, Nagito ventured forward to where he believed [Name] took refuge. The area was void of any life, with no students or teachers walking past whatsoever. His gaze immediately noticed a large patch of trees ahead.
"Maybe [Name]-chan hid there. I don't think she could go as far away from the central plaza in that state."
Following his assumptions, the boy trudged over the entrance of the forest in search of a particular reserve course female. He wandered inside for a few minutes, his grayish-green eyes scanning the area thoroughly to hopefully spot a mop of [h/c] locks. Not long after, Nagito finally saw the girl he'd been looking for crouched by the many trees in the forest.
He took small cautious steps, carefully approaching her without alarming the devastated girl. The soft crunch of the melted snow was made when he stepped on the ground, but fortunately, it didn't seem to alarm [Name]. Once he was near enough, Nagito bent down and gently touched her shoulder to which she flinched.
"Hey..." he started, voice as soft as ever. "Are you okay?"
[Name] briefly looked up to see Nagito's worried stare — his eyes were filled with concern and eyebrows knitted together, he also sported a frown unbeknown to her. When she glanced at him, Nagito was able to see the condition she was in — her bloodshot eyes were still forming salty tears that streamed down her face, a deep crease on her forehead, and quivering lips pursed slightly together. After a few minutes, the girl buried her face into her knees once again.
Nagito remained muted as he took a seat beside her on the grass. He didn't say anything, just there beside her as a wordless act of comfort. After all, he knew better than to say anything for fear of hurting her feelings more. The two stayed there under the canopy of leaves, the morning sun seeping through the cracks in the forest. A soft snivel was made and soon [Name]'s body was trembling. The male could only stare at the blue skies above, his half-lidded eyes were surprisingly filled with grief.
"W-why...? W-why does S-Sato-san have to e-end up like that?" she croaked, trying to voice out her thoughts despite her breakdown. "Sato-san was a g-great person... He was kind and c-caring... He e-even befriended a low t-t-talentless student like me... He showed m-me kindness and t-taught me a lot a-about his experience..."
"It's my fault... Because I was close to you, Sato-kun was affected by my bad luck..."
"T-Togami-san... Ouma-san... even Nanami-san and H-Hajime liked him... I'm sure that...that Sato-san's classmates also cared for him... So why...? H-he doesn't deserve this... He doesn't deserve this fate!" the girl shouted out, raising her head as she did so. Relentless tears kept cascading down her flushed cheeks, the signs of it stopping were nonexistent.
"He will be okay."
"H-huh...?" [Name] stared at her frost-haired companion with a puzzled look. "W-what do you mean by that, senpai?"
The mentioned male gave the girl a carefree closed-eye smile. "Sato-kun will be okay; he's not dead. As a symbol of hope, he would survive this. Besides, given the water at the fountain, the blood hasn't dispersed that much. It means that this happened lately and that Sato-kun can still be saved."
"Really...?" she asked, voice expectant as she slowly wiped her tear-stained face.
Nagito nodded, flashing her a calm smile. "Of course, believe in me."
"A liar..."
"I see... That's great then," she sighed in relief, finally calming down. Then, she regarded Nagito with a forced smile. "You are calm and composed even at times like this that it's scary."
"Is that so?" he chuckled awkwardly, sweat-dropping at her words.
She nodded. She then let her gaze land on the scenery outside the forest, her eyes lidded. "It must be nice to be calm and cool-headed in such a dire situation; not letting your emotion cloud your better judgment and analyze every detail present in the situation."
"Honestly, I was not that calm when I found out about that earlier; I was completely in shock."
"I don't believe so. It didn't show on your face, after all," [Name] shook her head, dismissing his words.
His grayish-green orbs gazed softly at the broken female beside him. Despite the words and praise she told him, Nagito knew better than it was a false belief that he let her assume by his words and actions.
"I'm much more of a coward than you believe I am to be, [Name]-chan. It truly hurts me that you think of me highly that way. After all, I'm just an insignificant bug standing in your way. Everything that happened today... was all my fault."
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After the discovery of Shiro's body at the central plaza and the arrival of the police and ambulance, the teachers told the students to return to their classes. However, despite the usual routine, everyone in Hope's Peak was restless because of what happened hours prior. Nagito escorted [Name] to her building, ensuring that she went in safely before he proceeded to his own building.
Upon entering his classroom, he was greeted by his worried homeroom teacher bombarding him with questions regarding Sato. Nagito was startled at first, then slowly reassured her that he was fine and explained to her everything that happened to him when he entered the academy up until now. Soon after, Chisa allowed the silverette to take his seat by the back.
Homeroom started shortly after. For the entirety of the time, Nagito's mind was adrift somewhere else. He glanced at the windows outside, seeing the reserve course building across the academy. Just like any other time, his thoughts deviated to the girl he was with earlier. The instant her name flitted his mind, the instant her despaired expression appeared. His heart pounded hard against his chest upon remembering her face. He pursed his lips, a deep crease in between his eyebrows as he replayed the scene in his head.
"Why...? Why do you think of me like that, [Name]-chan? Can't you see that I'm just a worthless waste of space?"
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𝐀𝐜𝐭 𝟏
𝐀𝐜𝐭 𝟑
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