#and i just sat there completely confused as to whether i was the Goated Bitch or he was referring to the dude in the picture

[le-panicked-frog]

sometimes i'm like 'i'm actually a lot cleverer than i give myself credit for' and then i remember the time that this guy i knew tried flirting with me over text and i had to ask three different people and then eventually the dude himself what was going on because i was so confused

[wormmomma]

tyler, the creator: the very queer discography review!!!

Im bored of writing overly long threads on twitter so i wrote a look at tyler the creators discography and why hes gay and im gay and deserved to have his dick immortalized in gold when he dies. So tyler gregory okanma is a black man born in ladera heights california. He’s also my third favorite rapper and since he discovered my favorite rapper earl sweatshirt I guess he deserves goat status for that shit too. Tyler started his career around 17 years old as the ace the creator. He did features at the time with casey veggies and the inspirations in his flow to mf doom where already apparent even back then. From ace the creator mixtape you can already hear the very digital and jazz inspired pharrell production. Funny story if you look up any of his ace stuff now you'll mostly find some really old production that in the age of tyler the creator type beats doesn't really hold u all that great. From there Tyler went on to create odd futures and his first album bastard. He quite quickly followed up bastard with godlin. Goblin, bastard, and the OF tape vol.1 all feel pretty interconnected so im gonna speed round from worst to best. So odd future tape volume one is fun and punk and really crass, it's also completely eclipsed by odd futures other releases. I love odd future and the collective's ability too be both edgy teen skate rap garbage, and a risky artistic rap collective all at the same time. In odd future's first tape it seems pretty clear that tylers description of the groups early work as a bunch of niggas joking around in a studio is very apparent for better or worse. If you wanna get high with some friends can listen to some funny edgy and downright grimey tracks over left brains booking production skip this and listen to odd future's next mixtape but come back here to listen to some funny skits and a few proto mellowhype track with domo genesis. Goblin is Tyler's attempt to do a bigger darker more sprawling version of bastard but misses the mark. I like the album and I love singles on the album. Goblin the opening track is amazing and is a great look at tylers mental state attempting to live up to his newfound fame and anxiety about his infamy. I love yonkers and tron cat. Tyler says alot at this time that he doesn't make horrorcore and he's correct but the lack of emotional honesty and his immature deflections is really going off on all cylinders. If you dont wanna hear skits like “my bitch suck dick” and lines like “im not homophobic faggot” i would probably call it his worst album. Before i talk about bastard id like to go over his use of slurs and rape in his work. Tylers consistent lyrics about violence towards women and use of the lgbtq community really don't insult me. I feel like his lyrical content is filled with a clear look of how angry and insecure tyler was about not having a father or any way of processing his angst. Did he have to sound like a incel threatening to stalk and murder women who refuse to love him for over 3 albums? No, but i really enjoy looking at his early music. He doesn't shy away from how angry, sad and desperate he was at the time. That synthesis of need for fatherly love, anger from a lack of it and deteriorating mental state honestly makes the content more palatable. Also as a black trans women id rather hear tranny an faggot bars from a male rapper making intreeating music. Tyler at the time was being honest, angry and vulnerable not like eminem and action bronson who spit these bars with all the same rap bravado and violent anger toward women with zero pathos. Bastard is amazing, it's an intimate dark album. At the time it felt like it was tapping right into where I was at the time. The amount of mental anguish on bastards opening track really hit me. I was an angry kid with a lot of angst and bipolar disease so hearing a rapper yell about that same dysfunction really meant alot to me. The flows are amazing and it was a really good look at tylers ability to build a narrative. Wolf was tyler's next album. For a while wolf was my favorite album by tyler. His look at relationships and breakups on bimmer and ifhy are amazing and are expanded on his future releases. Find your wings and treehome are also a good look at his more melodic influence. It was such a good album I actually bought the mrech for and went to see Tyler at afropunk. Also hearing an entire song about the death of his grandma really hit me, my grandfather died around the same time. Cherry bomb was bad, now moving one. Ok im  joking i've listened to it two or three times but its really not worth going back to even though tyler put his all into it. The soul features and amazing production is worth listening to but even Tyler admits he rushed the album a little and that he needed to blow people away next time. Flower boy, is one of the most important albums in hip hop. That's it. Bar none. It was my favorite release of 2018. Flower boy is about tylers newfound isolation with his fame, and how he drives cars by himself in beautiful la vistas. Its also about how he’s gay (or bisexual). There are ALOT of stupid takes on this album. There is a contingency of tyler stans that think tyler has been “playing a character” since bastard. Now I'll admit that wolf haley and dr.teecee are clearly characters; they are also artists' representations of tyler's mental state. If wolf haley has adhd and no father that means tyler also has those issues. So whether or not Tyler is playing a character he has in fact “been kissing white boys since 2004”. I also have seen an insipid article that asks if “tyler the creator should be accepted into the lgbtq community” due to his homophobia? Much more controversial and actually homophobic and transphobic people are in this community hes tyler the creator, not milo yinnaoplous. I also dont think that it occurs to the reviewer that alot of gay men are very hmophobic before they come out and that self hate is very common. Lyrics like “im not gay i just wanna dance to some marvin” also has a much deeper context now. Listening to older releases you can see how in your face tyler was about his queerness. He even said he filmed himself kissing his friend Lucas to prove he wasn't a homophobe. I'm happy Tyler grew enough to make an album not only about being attracted to men but how lonely he felt in and out of the closet. As someone who came out as bisexual at the time it came at a perfect time. Being  gay is isolating and confusing and when you do you lose alot of friends and family. Garden shed, who dat boy, and 911 are real standouts. His collaboration with kali uchis was also so fucking smooth and she a born r&b star. Tyler gained a grammy nomination off the album and said he loved the feeling of finally making popular catchy music people wanna sing the lyrics too, so he followed it with igor. Igor opens with this addendum on the back of the physical album: 

This might be fiction, this might be about igor but it is fully about tyler okanga. The album is very hard to parse and barely has any rapping. It's more of a pop experimental album with a lot of lofi synth production. Tylers production chops are full force here. Igor is melodic, sad and full of the same anger and obsession from his previous albums. Its just more mature and really gay, and i fucking love it. Tyler was dealing with a tumultuous relationship with a guy and his refusal to be with tyler exclusively. Its about a breakup. A love tragedy that only becomes more depressing after the argument on a boy is a gun, the breakup in my love is gone, and the sad slump back into needing closure in can we be friends. The album is fun to sing to, and fucking devestating. I've dealt with a lot of similar issues with love and obsession so to hear it so clearly illustrated on igor really hit me. I think the album becomes even more depressing with the unreleased track best interest, about tyler being a side nigga. This is the kind of music that's sometimes made in r&b and pop but never in rap. There was an interview where Tyler says he hated his voice which is why he edits it so evident on igor. Tyler also said he wanted to send these songs to rihanna and Justin Beiber but they didn't want them, as cool as it sounds. I'm happy tyler was able to tell his own story. I would also recommend magic wand since it's my favorite track on the album and kicks you in the face with how angry and heartbroken Tyler was at the time. 

Tyler is an artist that talks and speaks about how he feels all the time, he's also a person who feels enigmatic and mysterious somehow. I think it has to do with how constantly he's put to the side of his other hip hop contemporaries. He always seems to be making music Tom weird, controversial and experimental to be treated like asap rocky, vince staples, or the late mac miller. A fact that feels ironic since he worked with all of those artists, lil wayne, and even kanye west. I'm as big a stan for tyler as he is for Pharrell, if it wherent forever I'd never take rap seriously and would never have chosen to make my own music. As a black trans woman I find a lot of tylers work really relatable. I've been in alot of the angry hopeless situations Tyler talks about in his music. I think he's the artist who hits me the most on a personal level and yeah when i was depressed i sat in my bedroom and listened to bastard in my low moments. I like riding in the car and listening to all of flowerboy. Igor is amazing as well for almost half a decade it's been amazing growing up and hitting the same emotional beats Tyler went through5 in his work. Hearing about him coming out as gay ajd dealing with very similar backlash mad me feel less alone if im being honest. Tyler has said he wants to take a more production heavy role in the industry moving forward but he says that a lot, i think as long as he has a story to tell he's always going to make music. His music feels like a diary and I'm happy to read it and sonnet to it in all its beauty and ugliness. 

Hi my name is lua o'reilly i make music on soundcloud.com/wormmother

If you liked this review let me know and I'll do a look into earl sweatshirt.

[aatgm]

Part 4

we’re getting to the good stuff!! (warning: there’s descriptions of gore/body horror in this one) 

Part One    Part Two    Part Three 

Some time passed. Ava worked up the nerve to return to the living room with two porcelain mugs full of freshly brewed green tea. The man on the couch was sitting quietly and expectantly when she returned, as if he had never made any kind of terrifying scene at all. He looked confused when she held his cup out to him, as if he didn’t know what to do with it, but when she sat down and took a sip from hers, he did the same. Only a little tea ended up on the cushions.  

“So.” Ava’s eyes were squeezed shut, her brows knit together, trying to ignore the slurping sounds. “You’re trying to tell me you’re not human.”

“Yes! What exactly is so hard to understand?” The man gave an exasperated groan through the upturned brim of his cup. He’d already drained it- Ava guessed she had been right in thinking he’d been dehydrated. “That was delicious, by the way. What was it?”

“Just green tea,” Ava said, flushing uncomfortably. “I made it from a packet, it really didn’t involve any kind of talent on my part, but-”

“I have no idea what that means. Anyway,” the man cut her off. “I come from another world, one more vast and ancient than a human could ever understand. I am a member of a species leagues beyond your own, a creature of primordial power and turmoil…”

“What’s your name?”

“What?” The man stared at her, seemingly stunned that she’d dared to interrupt him.

“Your name, man. Mine’s Ava. Avalina. Everyone calls me Ava for short. What’s yours? Assuming your vast and primordial species has names.”

“Simon,” he said, so quickly he himself seemed caught by surprise.

Ava glanced at the tv. The contestant was being chewed out by a judge with the name “Simon” engraved on his nameplate in big block letters.

“Mhm,” she said. “That’s a pretty vast and primordial name, alright.”

“No!” he shouted. “That’s not my… that’s not what I said! I said…” his brow wrinkled into a furrow of concentration. “Sie… Zi… Siea….”

He roared in frustration. “I can’t pronounce it with this human mouth! It comes out wrong… it’s not… whatever I said! It’s…”

Ava raised her eyebrows. The guy looked close to breaking down- his whole face was turning red. He was straining his face muscles as if fighting some invisible force.

“Hey, dude, it’s okay,” she said, standing up. “Simon works for now, right? We can sort out the… human mouth problem later. Don’t hurt yourself.”

He stopped and seemed to relax a little. “Well… it’s not anywhere near as majestic and terrifying as my true name, but it’s better than nothing.”

“So… Simon,” Ava said. “I have a lot of questions for you.”

“Oh, by all means. I’m not surprised, after all I’ve said already. This all must be very confusing, but I’m glad to enlighten you on the state of the world as you’ve never known it before-”

“What exactly are you saying you are?” Ava cut him off again. She wasn’t in the mood for the showboating he was trying to do.

“What- oh. Ah, yes, that’s right! I didn’t even mention!” The guy who was apparently for the time being going to go by Simon stood up from the couch. He stumbled a bit, but caught himself and tried to turn the movement into a bow.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. I am a demon.”

They both stood there in silence for what felt like a full minute.

“…Well!” Ava managed to chirp out. “Why don’t I make us some breakfast! You… clearly need… that is, we could both use some food!”

With that, she vanished up the stairs, practically leaving a dust cloud behind her.

 Ava stood hidden at the top corner of the staircase. She put her hands on her forehead and gripped it, trying to keep it from splitting open. He was insane. She had let a crazy person into her house. What had she been thinking?! What part of her could have ever possibly thought this was a good idea?!

She had to get him to the hospital. That much was obvious. She had to get him out of here and take him someplace he’d be safe. Someplace far, far away from here. But she had to do it without him thinking she didn’t believe him. She didn’t know what he’d do if really confronted, to her or to himself. He’d obviously been through something terrible, this was clearly some kind of coping mechanism, he’d been running all that way in that torn up, bloody suit…

Ava realized he was still wearing that suit. He’d been in it all night, she thought guiltily. It couldn’t be comfortable. He needed clean clothes. She nodded. Clean clothes. She could do that. That was a task she could accomplish. That would take her mind off all this bullshit.

She went to her closet and shifted through the back hangers, producing a white collared shirt and some black jeans. After some consideration, she rooted through the bottom of the closet and found an unopened pack of briefs. She wouldn’t be surprised at all if he needed them.

She took a moment to change out of her pajamas herself- she hadn’t even taken the time to put on clothes before she’d raced downstairs. It couldn’t hurt to look presentable for this. Just as she emerged from her room, feeling slightly less rattled, she heard a loud crunching noise from downstairs.

She raced down the stairs and almost dropped the clothes when she saw the source of the sound. Simon was sitting on the couch, leaning over the table and eating his mug. There was a huge bite taken out of the rim, and she could hear his teeth grinding through a mouthful of porcelain.

Ava’s mouth opened and closed several times before she found her voice. “What… what are you doing?” she practically shrieked.

Simon looked up. “Oh, you changed your outer layer!” he said through a mouthful, white dust trickling out through his teeth. “Are those pieces of cloth for me?”

Ava looked down at the clothes she was holding and back up at the maniac eating dining utensils on her couch. She shook her head and set them down on the table. That was NOT what should be occupying her attention at the moment.

“Why are you eating it?!” she shouted, pointing at the brutalized mug. Simon was still crunching away at it. The handle had almost disappeared. He stared at her, confused. Then he bit into the mug again.

“Bitch!! Stop!” Ava was full on screaming by now. “Spit it out!!!”

Simon just stared at her. Very deliberately, he swallowed.

“You-! What the FUCK!!!” Ava screamed.

“Don’t give me food if you don’t want me to eat it,” he said indignantly.

“THAT WASN’T FOOD!!!”

Simon looked down at the remains of the mug again. “Oh,” he said, sounding a bit disappointed but otherwise completely nonchalant. “Shame. It has a great texture.”

“We’re going to a doctor,” Ava shouted, reaching out to grab his arm. “You need to get your, your stomach pumped, or your fucking teeth replaced, or-”

“What- no!” Simon jumped back. His face had gone white with sudden terror. “You’re not taking me anywhere! No human settlements, no human records, they’ll FIND me!!”

“WHO??”

“The ANGELS!!” Simon shrieked.

Ava stopped in her tracks for about two seconds. Then she rolled her eyes. “Oh, for God’s sake, we’re still doing this, huh?”

“Doing what?! The only thing I’m doing is BEING IN MORTAL DANGER!! I’ve been here too long, I need to keep moving before the angels find me. They have eyes everywhere-”

“THERE ARE NO ANGELS,” Ava shouted in frustration. “Whatever, whoever is chasing you, it is NOT a damn angel!”

Simon fell silent and stared at her with an expression that suggested he’d never even considered a person could be so stupid.

“Look,” Ava said, feeling a bit bad for breaking down the guy’s fantasy. “I can tell you’ve been through a lot. I know you’re freaked out. I would be too! But trust me, whatever’s going on here, there is a logical, earthly explanation. Angels and demons aren’t real, alright?”

Simon just continued staring at her. “I don’t believe it,” he finally said. “Is total ignorance a universal human trait, or are you just special?”

“Look, buddy-”

“I know it’s been a while, but surely you’ve retained SOMETHING… surely you couldn’t be so entirely ungrateful as to have completely FORGOTTEN!” He stood up in indignation, stumbling a little but grabbing the arm of the couch to steady himself. “Surely, they left you all SOMETHING, didn’t they?”

“What are you talking about?!” Ava snapped. She could feel her patience ebbing away. “You’re not making any sense!”

Simon slapped his forehead and opened his mouth, no doubt to shout something else utterly incomprehensible. Then he stopped himself. He looked down at his hands; for a brief moment, something like sorrow crossed his face. Then he looked back up at her with a slightly more patient expression.

“Watch me,” he said simply, and closed his eyes.

He sat back down on the couch, crossed his legs one over the other, folded his hands on his lap, and began breathing deeply. He was perfectly still for almost a minute. Ava considered whether she should do something.

She stopped in her tracks. There was a crackling sound, like bones.

Simon’s shoulders hunched forward. Ava heard tendons cracking and snapping as his head sank down to meet his hands. With an awful crunch, the back of his ruined suit ripped along the seam as some formless thing pressed out from inside his body. The bones of his back creaked and separated as whatever it was pressed outward.

With a wet snap, his back split open. A thin spray of blood spread across the room as a huge, hideous thing, something that looked like a goat skull with a thin layer of grayish skin stretched over it and hundreds of thin, backward-facing horns, emerged from his ruined back, mouth open and full of dog-like teeth. The entire rest of his body folded away from it like a discarded mascot costume, as the skull was followed by hideously long, spindly arms and hands that ended in claws as long as pencils. The thing just kept coming, arms followed by a torso, followed by legs, until the horrible blood-soaked thing towered all the way to the ceiling. It sat in the remains of what had once been a human body, now turned inside out, stuck to it like a half-peeled wrapper. It looked down at Ava, moving its horrible, skeletal head to set its bulging, wild, ancient eyes on hers.

Ava stared. Then she screamed.

The horrible thing that must have been Simon seemed taken aback by this. It opened its teeth-brimming mouth to say something, but it came out in a bubbling mess of vowels and low hisses that seemed to burn Ava’s ears as it reached them. She stumbled backwards, still screaming, her mind a jumbled mess of half-formed thoughts. She turned and raced for the door. As she went, she thought she saw the thing move toward her, half-stumbling on the fleshy mass that had once been its body. She grabbed the doorknob and threw the door open, racing out into the field.