#and i just like drawing random characters interacting and being buds

[quinns-art-box]

tenko taking these two goofballs on her morning bike ride and it's a disaster

[enigmaticxbee]

13 Weird Facts About Me

1. My parents are professors and I swore when I was a kid that I would never get a PhD (writing a whole ass dissertation, nope!) or become a teacher (standing in front of a class and talking for an hour straight, nope!). I kept my promise on the PhD but I do teach tap dance one evening a week - turns out when it’s something you really like and are good at it’s fun to share with people! (Also it’s a lot more dancing than talking, which helps)

2. I have one short stubby thumb and one normal thumb (it’s ~3/4” shorter, so it’s definitely noticeable) - my mom says my great-grandmother had tiny hands with short stubby thumbs so I guess I inherited one of them!

3. I was born almost a month late and breech - my poor mom!

4. I was born in Japan but neither of my parents are Japanese. I have twice been asked out of the blue by a stranger if I was Japanese and I didn’t know how to answer in a non-confusing fashion. I don’t think I look Japanese at all but 🤷🏻‍♀️

5. I won’t eat red grapes because they remind me of the grape flavored cold medicine I took as a kid. Yes, I know they taste nothing alike. I love green grapes though!

6. I’m pretty sure I’m a “supertaster” which means you have a high number of taste buds and are more sensitive to certain flavors, especially bitter ones (like broccoli, ugh) - I also hate carbonation because it hurts my mouth and alcohol.

7. I was such a bookworm as a kid that my mom made up the word ‘translitephobia’ for me - fear of being on transportation without reading materials. I took books everywhere with me - I was also really good at reading while walking 😆

8. I was obsessed with names as a kid - I used to fill up notebooks with lists of names. Sometimes I was planning stories and making up character names - other times who knows, just names I liked I guess!

9. In college other students were always confused that their math tutor and calculus TA was an Art and Italian major. But now as an architect I think I found the perfect blend of artistic/creative and structured/rigorous work for me.

10. The best job I’ll ever have was as an Italian TA in grad school for a summer architecture drawing program in Italy. I got paid! to go to Italy! and draw!

11. I’m a shy introvert and I hate dating so thankfully I’m pretty happy being single. I didn’t have my first kiss until I was in my mid-20s and I’ve never had a long-term relationship. I’m in my mid-30s now and single and I got a puppy this year and I think I’m good!

12. I discovered The X-Files when I was 13 around the time FTF came out. We didn’t have cable so my grandmother started taping reruns off tv and sending my sister and I the vhs tapes. For awhile we had a whole cabinet full of them and I created an elaborate filing system because the episodes were random reruns out of order. That’s how I caught up on the first 5 seasons - my grandmother had no idea what this weird alien show was, but she was so sweet to send us those tapes.

13. I started reading x-files fanfic as a teenager and I never really stopped. But I never interacted with anyone in txf fandom until last year and I’m so glad I finally did!

Inspired by @darwin-xf and @sigritandtheelves - I won’t tag anyone but you should do it, it’s a fun excerise to try to come up with interesting things about yourself 😅

[sidercal]

* & ASK MEME ( ACCEPTING )!

@ofmusingsxandmayhem​​​​​ pinged: Mun Questions - 10, 20, 30,40 ,50 ,60

10. What’s the hardest thing for you to write?

very canon intensive things & smnut. once upon a time I thought I could write fairly well in regards to the latter, but I just stopped and then lost all skill lmao. as for canon things... i’ve always had this thing about being a stickler with knowing every single detail of the original lore. if it’s my own creation then pft– easy peasy. but it’s based on someone else’s imagination then um.. i’m a ball of anxiety. 

20. How much time do you spend roleplaying on average a week?

oh boy.. a good amount I feel like since I take some time out to rp during work. but I don’t really write on the weekends anymore so it’s not an exhaustive amount.

30. What do you like about roleplaying fluff?

it’s nice, easy, and i’m simply a sucker for soft romance at heart. and while angst and dumb things are equally as great, sometimes it’s a nice change of pace to write some fluff every now and then. also, there’s a sense / reveal of how a character can be when vulnerable in a safe space, etc.

40. Do you like to plot or improv?

a bit of both! though I do like to plot a little bit with new writing partners. just so I can get a basis of how their character is / how we might vibe, y’know? after we’re pals of some sort, it’s a roundtrip to random town. 

50. What’s something you like about FCs/Play-Bys?

helps give structure to specific muses / ideas for me. that’s.. about it though.

60. Who’s a roleplayer (or writer) you think you have learned a lot from? 

Eh heh heh heh hehhhhhh IT’S MY TIME TO SHINE BOIS. THE FOLLOWING FOLKS HAVE MADE THE BIGGEST IMPACT ON MY WRITING, IDEAS, ETC. 

@amelorates​ from the get go. longest mutual ( i think ) that i’ve been frequently(ish) writing with for... x amount of years. first person i made private muses for, responsible for a good chunk of my muses over the years ( all across x amount of blogs ), and highly influential with the way my writing’s changed overtime. also? definitely helped me overcome that weird fear of writing canon characters, and is a genuinely great friend.

@riastracl​ you’re next, bud. talk about a lore king. always insightful with potential dumb ideas, helped my dumb of ass with forming muses especially with the sea goons. also very influenced by the way he writes ( like hello???? all of that prose?? how can I Not? ). also a seriously great friend to have over the year(s) ( i lost track of time oops ).

@moonwoken​ where do i even start. the easiest would be how amazing your writing is. simply put, it’s always been jaw dropping. i vividly remember how inspired i was to follow along when we first started writing – not to mention how nice of a challenge it proved to be! also? the overall kindness you show to others is aspiring, and i’m truly grateful to have gotten to write with you thus far!

@huntershowl​ `taps mic` HELLO? IS THIS THING ON?? IT’S A CRIME TO NOT MENTION RAINE. the sheer thought and time put into hellhound actually inspired me to give dnd a try. i was also given the incentive to actually y’know draw my own dang muses, because before that i just.. never thought to do that??? but also, also i can say for a fact that you’ve brought so much additional life to some muses that i honestly wouldn’t have been able to do without that wonderful brain of yours ( like specifically litho and oryn ).

@conorbyrne​ hi, yes, hello i have always greatly admired your skill in writing from both afar and up close ( whenever i didn’t fall off the face of the earth oops ). also? those hc posts always blow me away, because wow the D E P T H is astounding. 

@gothamicarus​ another pause because you are the sole reason joel and so many others have grown so much – hands down. not to mention, your writing has always been so beautifully constructed. also, i actually gained some interest in dc simply because your characterization of jason makes it impossible not to be. 

@womanlives​ and HELLO YOU. i know we haven’t been mutuals for a horribly long time, but i just had to say how a) your writing and muses are striking and b) you are a mastermind when it comes to plots. like?? the ideas never stop and it’s never not interesting!

@godbanes​​ i’m going to be 2000% honest here. i seriously didn’t know a whole lot about greek mythology until i started following / interacting with you. like the amount of knowledge you have blows me away – like at least 2 planets worth. and while it’s still a lil’ intimidating, i’m extremely happy to be able to interact with you and your muses!

@gentledeaths​​ never have i ever come across a writer that has created so much inspiration and awe in me. like your portrayal of thanatos genuinely had me deep dive into hades and gather the courage to extent the few demigod muses i have with existing mythology. not to mention that your writing is simply flawless!

[yukikorogashi]

🍓

Send me a 🍓 and I’ll compliment you!

   Hey bud bud, I know you haven’t been feeling like yourself this period. And man if I could, I would give you the biggest hug and mug of hot chocolate in the whole wide world. But for now, allow me to offer you a little reminder of what a fantastic human being you are. 

  Like... is there anything you can’t do, though? You can write, draw, fence, write music, play the guitar... and may I just say that you have the loveliest eyes and smile I have ever seen? Like-- GUYS! You all need to see her photos on IG, and you will know what I’m talking about!! Truly, Leesh, I love your smile, and those photos you have been taking before your streaming sessions over these past few weeks have always brightened up my day. Like... that’s a magical smile if I’d ever seen one!

   And ofc, your writing is off the chain, man. Like... you just put, so SO MUCH thought into your characterisation. that I am often times at a loss for words when you do share your thoughts, because you just go into so, so much detail when it comes to everything (This is a little random, but you have also opened my eyes to vampire mom Jubilee, whose 90s animated teen self was the only version I was familiar with, until I met you). When it comes to the character’s personality traits, his history, his fashion sense, the different stages of his life that he goes through.. and obviously these are just a few examples that I have listed. 

   And man, I just adore the relationships I got to have with your muses over the year or so. Itsuki especially is blessed (YES, BLESSED) to have Raphael and Z.W.E.I as her bros (And the fact that one is a vampire and the other is a werewolf... aewuahwe!), and I would really love to see her interact with your other muses in time! Whenever I reply to our Z.W.E.I thread recently, Itsuki here is lowkey Will Smith posing at him when I do auehawh!

   And you, have always been such a supportive and understanding friend, Leesh. And I can’t thank you enough for all that you have done and continue to do for me. You have been there for not just me, but for so many others. And I know I said this before, but lord knows I still want to repay you back in any way that I possibly can. You are most definitely one of those genuine gems that makes this hellsite and hell fandoms worth coming back to. And you truly deserve all the love and support that you have been giving out to us all. You are so loved and appreciated, bud. And I will do all I can to remind you of that, whenever I can. <333

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I thought about every episode of The Owl House Season 1 (Part 1/2)

Salutations random people on the internet who probably won't read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

Hey, do you miss Gravity Falls?

...

Yeah, I know, dumb question. Which is why I have good news! Not only is there a new series that is just as good as Gravity Falls, but in some ways, it's even better. That new series would be none other than Disney Channel's latest hit: The Owl House.

The Owl House, slowly but surely, became my new obsession since Eda reacted to decapitation with an unconcerned, "I hate when that happens." I wrote fan-fiction, made fan-art, and even began to separately review new episodes. Unfortunately, I got in a little late in the reviewing game and only managed to analyze the last four episodes of season one. And like an idiot, I promised that I'll review the rest when they came out on Disney+. Seeing that all of the first season has finally come on a legal streaming service (which means WATCH IT RIGHT NOW!), it's time I finally saw through to that promise. However, I'm not going to over-analyze each episode because that would be insane. So instead, we're going to lightning round these suckers. Because it's my Tumblr, and I get to decide what I review and how the hell I review it...hooah.

Which means this is your last chance to avoid spoilers if you haven't seen The Owl House yet. Seriously, it's a great show, and you can catch up right now on Disney+. A week-long trial is more than enough time to watch the series, so DO IT! With that out of the way, let's get started with:

“A Lying Witch and a Warden”: This episode gets a lot of flack for having poor pacing and being too preachy with its message. And to that, I say...you're not wrong. Yeah, I wish I could be that person who can defend this episode against criticism like that, but these are understandable problems that just left this icky feeling in my tum-tum when watching. But that's only when looking at it as a regular old episode when in reality, people need to see it as a first episode. The first episode in any show needs to get viewers interested enough to continue watching by answering these five essential questions: What's the plot of the show? What's the tone? Who are the main characters? What's the world they live in? And what are the rules of the same world? "A Lying Witch and a Warden" does a great job of answering all of these questions. And if you stuck around until the season finale, then that means it did a great job of keeping you interested in sticking around as well. So seeing how it got its job done, albeit, with mixed results, I give this episode a B-.

“Witches Before Wizards”: Don't mind me. Just reveling in the fact that Luz escaped to a fantasy world to avoid Reality Check Camp, only to get a reality check anyway. Because that's what this episode is in a nutshell. Through the "quest" that Luz goes on, she learns two important lessons: One, don't trust strangers who offer you something nice and shiny (bonus points for Eda warning Luz to avoid men with sandals and then have Ategast wear sandals). And two, there is no such thing as having a predetermined destiny. I love the idea that Luz coming to the Isles was just a twist of fate, and everything that happens afterward is pure dumb luck. And that moment when Eda gave a speech about making your own path instead of waiting to become something special? That was the moment when I went from thinking this was going to be a fun show to thinking it's going to be a great show. So consider this episode a solid A in my book.

“I Was a Teenage Abomination”: How is it possible for an episode to get better and worse with time? Because here's the thing: This episode does a great job of showing how perfect Amity's development is. After one single season, it already feels jarring, seeing the way she acts in certain scenes. However, in that same respect, it's the same reason why this episode got worse. I didn't mind that Willow practically got away with cheating and vandalizing the school with her magic because she and Luz were basically trying to show up a two-dimensional bully. But knowing what we know in the future, it does seem unfair that Amity gets punished for their bad behavior and Willow got little consequences for it. Sure, Luz got banned and had to work at gaining Amity's trust, but what about Willow? Although, despite this complaint, I don't really hate this episode. It builds a believable connection between Luz and her friends, and the B-plot King and Eda show off their budding friendship. So while this episode is a C-, it's a somewhat enjoyable C-.

“The Intruder”: Is it weird for anyone else that King gets most of the blame in this episode? Yes, he took the potion, but Luz was the one who kept pushing him. This is why it never sat right with me seeing how everyone, including himself, blames King for this episode's incident. That being said, "The Intruder" is fantastic. Eda, as the Owl Beast, is legitimately threatening, and the way the episode treats Eda's curse like a chronic illness is actually kind of sweet. It teaches kids how this is something that just happens to people, and they're not any weaker because of it, as long as they take the right steps. Which is cool, and it's why this is another solid A episode for me. Sure King getting the blame bothers me, but it pales in comparison to everything else “The Intruder” does right.

“Covention”: If you want my personal opinion (obviously, seeing how you're reading this), "Covention" is the perfect episode to show a friend to get them into watching the The Owl House. Everything there is to love about the show is seen in just these twenty-two minutes. Eda being a chaotic good, Luz being a sweet and understanding character, some incredible/natural world-building, an actually decent B-plot, an epic fight scene, great comedy, and, my personal favorite, the building of Luz and Amity's relationship. In fact, this episode has the most quintessential moment between these two, that Dana Terrace herself took charge of making the animatic for it. A scene that is so perfect that you can do an analysis of these few minutes alone...which is what I did. Click here to read it! "Covention" gets an A+ in my book and might possibly be the best episode of the season. Maybe even the series!

“Hooty’s Moving Hassle”: There's not really a lot I can say about this episode. I don't hate it, but I'm not exactly in love with it. The interactions between Luz and her friends are adorable, and there are a few good jokes that kept me laughing. But the story is kind of bland, and I just find Eda's sudden obsession with Hexes Hold'em kind of odd. Especially since a card game is what nearly defeated the "undefeatable" Owl Lady. If it wasn't for the nice reveal of Willow's and Amity's friendship (which comes into play in a far better episode), I'd say that you could skip this one on future rewatches. Because this is a C grade episode that just doesn't grab me as well as others.

“Lost in Language”: Ah, yes. The episode that made dozens of fans jump aboard the Lumity ship...unless you're like me, and you've been shipping these two since the show's theme song (And I don't know why, either. It's just the second I saw Amity my first thought was, "Oh, honey. You're gonna fall in love with the main character, aren't you?" AND I WAS F**KING RIGHT!). But jokes about shipping aside, "Lost in Language" is a fantastic episode. It has a great lesson about how people are more complex than their first impressions (Or to not judge a book by its cover, if you wanna stay on theme). Edric and Emira seem like a chaotic duo who cause mischief all for good fun. But Luz, as well as the audience, learns that Ed and Em are kinda the worst (they get better in future episodes, but still). Then there's Amity, who hasn't had the best first impressions in the last few episodes. We got glimpses of a good person here and there, but for the most part, that's all they were. Glimpses. Then there's this episode, which gives us more than a small look, but some actual insight into who Amity really is. Better yet, who she wants to be. It's something that I appreciate about The Owl House in that it wastes no time in developing Amity's character. So much so that I can forgive this episode for shoehorning a "Two idiots and a baby" plotline that does nothing but add maybe two minutes of padding. So yeah, it's an A+ for sure.

“Once Upon a Swap”: "Ugh! It's the body swap episode! How cliche and-" SHUT UP! Shut your mouth, and listen: Something being cliche does not always make it bad. Only when the cliche fails to tell an entertaining story does it have the right to work as a complaint. "Once Upon a Swap" may have a cliche premise, but it's still an enjoyable story (or stories) with great laughs and even some ok lessons. I can understand if you hate the episode because its premise is something you've seen a dozen times to the point where your sick of it. My most hated story idea is the "Character A saves Character B, and Character B becomes a life slave." If you have seen this story once, you've seen it a thousand times, and it's the same case with a "body swap" episode. But guess what: The Owl House is a kids' show. Kids'. Show. You can complain all you want about predictability, but kids are the type of viewers who will be new to this experience, despite if it's one that is done to death. Which is why this is solid B of an episode if you ask me.

“Something Ventured, Someone Framed”: Can people please stop shipping Gus with Mattholomule? Because that slimy, greasy, weaselly little son of A BASTARD BITCH WEASEL DOES NOT DESERVE LOVE IN WAY POSSIBLE!

...

But enough about how Mattholomule is the worst character ever, because "Something Ventured, Someone Framed" is a B+ in my opinion. Sure it shows the worst side of Gus and lets Satan's little herpe win in the end, but there is still quality to be had. We get insight into who Gus is as a character, on top of Eda swallowing her pride and cleaning the school so Luz can get into Hexide. Also, Eda's permanent record was the first time this show brought me to tears due to laughing so hard. So while I have to take points off for the inclusion of Mattholomule (I don't make the rules. I just live by them), this is still an episode I wouldn't mind revisiting.

“Escape of the Palisman”: I subscribe to this theory that Luz will one day have Eda's staff as her own. And episodes like this that strengthen the bond between Luz and Owlbert help confirm that theory. Luz's dedication to trying to make things right could just be part of her kind nature, but I like to believe that this is Dana and the crew trying to set up this possible outcome. As for what I think about the episode itself...it's ok. Again, Luz's dedication is nice to see, and King's adventure with Owl Beast Eda is somehow insanely adorable, but there's not really much to say other than that. So it's another B episode for me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And that’s the end of part one! Part two has probably already been posted by the time you finish this, so you can go ahead and find that if you’re interested.

[plague-of-nice]

*back at it again for the other meme, ily* 1, 3, & 4 for any Jonahs you want

fren, thank you so much! ILY!! I’ll be skipping to 3 & 4, due to prompt 1 already asked by another person! Yet again a long post bc I have no self-control and insist on rambling about all versions of Jonah-  (this is take 2 of me replying to this ask tho so I promise this is certainly a bit more concise, compared to its former iteration)

If your s/i was originally in canon and had a fanbase, how do you think they’d see your s/i? And how passionate this fanbase would be about them?

Regardless of universe, I like to think Jonah makes for a decent supportive NPC in general, She is... a friendly face with good intentions, willing and eager to brave danger if it means seeing things through.

[Skull/girls] If not a fighter herself, Jonah is a randomly re-occuring NPC in specific story mode campaigns. In her pursuit to draw close to the Skullheart and study it, she follows certain characters in their quest, posing as a typical paparazzi reporter. Hmm... Putting it that way, I see how she could possibly annoying- but then again, I also see her being one of “the dlc characters we could have had”.

[PK/MN] She could honestly pop-up in either BW or SWSH granted that she’s a Unovanite in-universe. Either way, she’s merely an NPC, being an established journalist who has randomized chances of popping up in areas where notable events had just happened. People wouldn’t really find a battle with her notable (or at least I think so), considering she doesn’t have much of a team with her to begin with. I do like thinking about her being in BW, then randomly showing up again for SWSH. She’s just there, wanting to study and report the Dynamax phenomena.

[G/W2] The window of opportunity is right in front of me, you bet she’d probably be yet another supportive character in the Noble human P.S., alongside the Captain and her friend, the character of whom I shall call Sir “Flirtsalot” so it’s censored from this site. I shan’t go into extreme specifics of the lore but hey- there’s an investigation on a possible traitor politician, and who knows? Maybe the Captain called in someone to help the player with it.

I’m sorry Q#3.1... I am h o r r endous with names-

If your f/o and your s/i were a couple in the original canon, would your fanbase ship you instantly? Or only after some bonding?

[SG] Considering her partner is simply a supporting character as well, I’m sure the relationship flies past everyone’s radar unless hints were dropped. Perhaps... it is a scripted phone call while Jonah is being spoken too, and Jonah endearingly speaking to her girlfriend for a brief moment-

[PKMN] I suppose if the technicalities of the game is considered, the player finding out about Jonah’s budding relationship with the “Rock Star” (e y y)  is only possible if they manage to interact with her multiple times across the story campaign. She’s there covering the opening ceremony, she’d be all over the place mid-game, and she’d probably show up exiting the backroom as the player walks in before the championship. I imagine her dialogue would basically hint at the relationship’s development- and dare I hope players find it cute-

[GW2] Is it Free Real Estate? Yes... Almost- Am I bold enough to say that her and the Captain’s relationship basically becomes the B-plot of the main Pers. Story campaign? There will be as much bonding a few story instances could muster- Meaning the player essentially becomes witness to Jonah & Logan’s story of Pining™.

[sunshine-zenith]

“Cheeseburger Backpack” and “Together Breakfast”

I might as well keep doing with this idk commentary thing. If there’s ever a time to rewatch these two episodes, its after SUF’s “Snow Day.”

I’ve made other posts talking about Future Steven’s general lack of nostalgia and how, yeah, it does sting a little to see, it makes sense as well, so I won’t go into it here.

Ah, Jamie, everyone’s favorite thespian delivery man, who is then never seen nor heard from for like, what, a solid fifty episodes? I mean, I know he’s seen in the background of other episodes in season one, but still. I remember when I first watched this episode, I kinda hoped he would be a reoccurring character. His simultaneous patience and complete bafflement with Steven was hilarious

RIP Mr. Queasy. Your sacrifice was noble and your presence... well nobody really cares. You just didn’t have the staying power of Cookie Cat, mate, sorry to say.

SU has always played fast and loose with its art style, letting whomever boarded an episode dictate how it looks. Other people in the fandom have taken issue with that, but I kinda have always liked it. It’s fun comparing how certain boarders draw each character, and even being able to guess who boarded an episode without looking at the credits due to the styles.

I didn’t really bring up the boarders in the last list commentary I did because, well, they all kinda felt too major to bother bringing up, if that makes sense.They’re all too involved with multiple other aspect of SU to really be able to talk about in a reasonable amount of time. 

The only reason I bring it up here is because these two episodes were boarded by show creator Rebecca Sugar and then Supervising Director Ian Jones-Quartey, both of whom, from what I’ve noticed, are especially prone to playing around with art styles. You can usually tell when an episode has had their touch art wise, and I like that.

...Also because Jones-Quartey and Sugar got married not too long ago and I wanna take a moment to say Good for them.

Jfc Steven, my teeth hurt just looking at together breakfast. 

How exactly does the door to the Gems’ rooms work? Does it act as a portal to their rooms? How does it connect to their Gems? I know the main CGs have physical rooms, but like, where? How are the Gems able to access each others’ rooms? Can they use the door or do they have to, like, crawl through the walls? We know fusions have rooms of their own, where are those rooms? Does the Temple just choose a random unoccupied space and make that the location of the room, or is it like a Rose’s Room situation, wherein there’s essentially a mini-pocket dimension that shapes itself to the fusion, since most fusions, while people in their own right, don’t exist on a permanent basis.

Also how does Gems Tech work, like, gravity wise?

We been knew that Pearl is a Sword Sapphic, but Pearl is a Sword Sapphic

LMAO while Rose was off faking her own death and “studying” earth’s delights, Pearl studied the blade.

While on the topic of Pearl... the fandom has long since known her as Bird Mom due to her nose, but I’m surprised nobody has given her with an aquatic maternal themed nickname (or if they have, one hasn’t caught on). I know most of the stuff connecting Pearl with water/the ocean is fairly recent (her Customization Settings being a shell in the movie, everything about the Reef in SUF’s “Volleyball”), but her room is clearly shown to be water themed here.

I’m with Amethyst here, don’t touch someone’s ish. Especially if its in their room.

ROSE’S ROOM CAMEO! This is why rewatching shows like Steven Universe is so much fun. I never caught that my first viewing.

Once again, you get the sense that the Crewniverse haven’t quite yet got everything figured out lorewise, especially when it comes to corrupted Gems (if that painting was one? I think it was said once that it was painted with Gem shards, but that’s obviously not fitting with later canon of Gem shard experiments. And also super messed up). They just straight up burn this sorry bastard. I guess, given that it didn’t seem to have a gem, it could be a “Mother Centipeedle” situation, where the actual Corrupted Gem is still out there, and this is just a mini enemy (or a virus?). That, or the gem is in the lava and Garnet just got it later.

These episodes start to dip into Steven’s relationship with the individual CGs, or at least Pearl and Amethyst. Garnet at this point is a stoic mystery, there to offer one liners or take leadership when Steven can’t (which is most of the time at this point).

Amethyst, I’ve felt, has always had more of an older sibling vibe to Steven- later in the series it feels more like an older sibling with an age gap, meaning they often act as parental figures- and its really cemented in this episode. She loves Steven but she ain’t above trolling him or annoying him. Meanwhile, Pearl was especially mom-like in “Cheeseburger Backpack.” Their exact connections with Steven aren’t delved too deep into yet, but there’s still enough individual interaction to pick up their roles in his life. 

I can’t help but wonder though- Steven refers to them as his “buds” rather than family at this point. We know he’s lived with them for a while, but I realize we aren’t told how long that was. It’s my personal theory that he moved in around eight, when he started “stagnating” appearance wise, which means he’s been with them for a few years at this point. Given the fact that they’re often off on missions and leave him behind, I suppose it makes sense that there’s some disconnect at this point (shoot, “some disconnect” might as well be written on their flag at this point.

The CGs have been there all his life, but hey, technically my sister (12 years my senior) was there all my life, too, an it wasn’t until a few years ago that we really started connecting.

It’s really interesting to see/think about, given how far everyone has come. SUF, and SU overall, is drawing to a close soon. It’s hard to believe- it feels like I was just watching these episodes for the first time yesterday, but like Steven I’ve grown and changed over the years.

I’m gonna miss watching these characters grow farther, but at least I get to go back and really enjoy seeing them get to their end points.

[thecambion9]

The Destiny Trio and the Paopu Fruit. (Kingdom Hearts 1)

Hey everyone. This is gonna be my first rambling on Tumblr. So please, I am a little rusty with interacting/writing out my thoughts to others. Before I get into any of this, please keep an open-mind. I am not dissing any ships. I am not saying my analysis or my thoughts are better than yours. All I want to do first and foremost, is level with you on how I interpret the series. I wanna talk about the Destiny Trio and the Paopu Fruit. Mostly focusing on Riku’s attitude towards Sora and Kairi’s budding romance. This might a little ship heavy- but I am also speaking through context that is given to me. In the very beginning of Kingdom Hearts (2002), we are given a light explanation of what a Paopu Fruit is. A Paopu fruit (パオプの実 Paopu No Mi)  is a star fruit exclusive to the world of Destiny Islands. This fruit is said to bind two people eternally- making their destinies intertwined. Destiny is a very prominent theme in almost every Kingdom Hearts game. Whether it is defying it- or ultimately following it, it is shown as a very powerful force. The first introduction of this fruit- oddly enough- is through Riku of all people. Which I find rather fascinating- because he is the odd one out of his trio to not experience a shared item. Wayfinder has their lucky charms, Sea-Salt... well... has their ice cream, but Destiny has only the Paopu Fruit between two of its characters. This is incredibly significant- and only intensifies over the course of the series. Sora and Kairi have a unique relationship- that separates them from the rest of the entire cast. We see the Destiny Trio bond over some heavy words, on our first sunset with them. Sora questions Kairi’s origin and the safety of their trip. Kairi even asks what Riku could possibly do in another world. Riku stresses that it isn’t the point of what they do- but rather they need to just go out and experience it. Riku then thanks his friend for giving him the inspiration to begin with.  As the trio are preparing to leave- Kairi advances towards the beach, leaving Sora and Riku alone. Riku immediately tosses a Paopu Fruit towards Sora. This is when we get some light exposition on the myth of the Paopu Fruit’s power:

So to reiterate above, this Paopu Fruit intertwines two people’s destinies. In this case, with other characters such as Selphie, regard it as romantic. Intertwining fates? Even out loud it comes off very intimate- even having exclusivity of only two people. It’s quite fascinating and gives a lot of meaning to the fruit knowing that.  What does Riku think of the fruit? Well he kinda just brushes it off. However, the line he gives following, is rather peculiar: 

Of course, you could interpret this scene to Riku just teasing Sora about the idea in itself. They are younger adults, only 14 and 15. It is the age of young adolescence- romance and growing up are teased and thought about. But, it is what follows this night- is the most interesting connection I drew. 

On the second day of being on the islands; one of the items you collect is in The Secret Place. When picking up the mushroom, it triggers a cutscene. All of the bubbly, fun atmosphere made by “Destiny Islands” track comes suddenly to a halt. Sora seeing his cave drawing, reminiscences of his younger years.

What does Riku have to do with this? Well, I believe that Riku is aware of this cave drawing. The trio has been together for nearly years- and The Secret Place is spot acknowledged by other characters. As much as I want to brush off this light teasing, I can’t help but to stress the potential significance of it. Why wait till Kairi walks further away? Why take the effort to pluck a Paopu fruit, wait, and then tease your friend about it? Scene direction implies that there is more to it than just “teasing a friend”. The scene shifts rather intimately and the tone softens. Sora alone with both the audience and to himself, caresses Kairi’s half of the drawing.

Oh.

With a warm smile and softening eyes- “Treasured Memories” plays. The track sets the tone of the scene, showing Sora has feelings for Kairi. These feelings have spanned for years potentially- and Sora is expressing them. For just getting teased about it just the other night, Sora sits down, and draws himself sharing one with Kairi:

(Did your heart just skip a beat?)  Later on that same day, Sora and Riku race with the winner naming the ship. Before the race starts, Sora suggests making himself captain along with naming the ship, which Riku replies:

Aight. Kinda random but, with how the line is delivered it comes off serious. Maybe even passive aggressive.

It is odd that this plays out- in context to the one mentioned before. Riku purposely raises the stakes of the race to rile up Sora. Riku himself wants the exclusivity of sharing a Paopu Fruit with another. So much- that he would take it away from Sora if it truly meant it. Riku subtly harbors similar feelings to Kairi, as Sora does for her. The two share a sibling rivalry that is popular in shonen series- of course a love interest could be a point of competition. I am not painting Riku to be a bad friend- but let’s not forget that some people, like myself, have acted toxic once or twice in our younger years. In fact, most of Riku’s character arc in the first game- was making mistake after mistake. The resolution of it comes from facing humility and being brave. Next time, I will be talking about Days. Catch you later!

[angelfireeast]

Superman was the test run for Mon-El

It feels like the CW & writers were testing the waters with Superman to see fans would accept shift to a shiny white pretty boy as the unofficial male lead who is given equal screen time as Kara. Shift the style of show from girl power all things from s1 to more CW formula with lots of ships and pretty white boy head lining things hoping to bring in ratings. It’s eerie how some things played out to parallel 2x01 & 2x02 with Superman & Mon-El, other character reduced roles playing the same across the season.

2x01 & 202 New white male character upstages Supergirl. The heavy promotion of new white male character which over took SG almost which not so subtle hint on who the CW thought would sell and thus prioritized. Shifting the focus from Kara to a male character who wasn’t part of season one cast. It’s SG’s opening on the CW but everything was Superman, Superman, Superman. Tyler H was at comic con for crying out loud. I know Superman’s a big draw and I don’t want to downplay how big he is but every interview was more about him then celebrating & selling Supergirl. Some fans of the show where okay with Superman being so heavy promoted because they are fans of Superman as well. Other fans of the show were less impressed and saw how problematic it was.

2x03 to 2x14 New white male character upstages Supergirl. Shifting the focus from Kara to a male character who wasn’t part of season one cast. Mon-El took center state building more strength with each pass through each episode like a wracking ball. Heavy promotion of the new white male character again. Mon-El is in every press release, every trailer, every series of photos released, and even got a episode poster. Kara becomes defined by Mon-El because she has no other story. His screen time equals hers & at times she feels like side player in his story. The romantic plot overtakes the characters instead supporting the character’s story. The promise of Kara’s big journalist career fizzled out. Kara’s relationships have all taken a back seat to Mon-El as he becomes the center of her world thus the center of the show. Everything Kara does is tied back to Mon-El. Mon-El has well and truly taken over SG.

2x01 & 202 James Olsen had very little screen time, he was of main story nor had an independent B story and karolsen ended. Kara & James’s feelings light switched off because writers decided they wished to go racism with new white character Mon-El as love interest. You have Clark Kent and Jimmy Olsen on screen at the same time but still James was in the episodes for 5 minutes? Seems pretty fishy when best friends with Clark, Kara & Winn & works with Cat & as connect to the Luthors being Superman’s best friend & photo journalist YET still they couldn’t find anything for him to do in 2 eps. James was promoted to C.E.O of CatCo off screen and had major romantic storyline ended rushed in the last 3 minutes of episode in badly written manner. Heck we heard more about Winn’s change in career quitting the CatCo and being hired at the DEO then James being promoted to C.E.O. James Olsen was ghost not a leading man in these two episode despite having many logical & easy connections to many characters and plot & being the leading male actor.

2x03 to 2x14 James Olsen’s screen time has decreased over 11 9 episodes. He was just missing with no explanation for 2 episodes in a row. James and Kara’s interaction has decreased as well. He was subjugated off with own small story with Winn about becoming a hero Guardian. Since James still mostly at CatCo he still largely only interacting with Winn since Kara is hardly at Catco anymore. James only appears if something major happens like the secret of Guardian came out or there was upset over Guardian. With Kara’s lack of interest in her career and normal life, which was very important theme in s1, James, CatCo & journalism fall by the waste side. James at not being at the DEO really keeps him isolated because do no have real interaction anymore. Everyone is off in their own corners doing their own thing. James is still listed as the leading man of the show but sure doesn’t feel like it as he loses screen time, still doesn’t seem important to over all plot, to Kara, or very connected to anything. Winn feels more important then James right now. Mon-El feels 110% more important then James. James Olsen is becoming more then ghost. Ghost appear from from time to time. People are posting missing person flyers every episode for James.

2x01 & 2x02 Danvers sister relationship takes a back seat to Superman. Alex and Kara’s relationship becomes strained as Kara chooses to spend all her time with Clark ignoring of Alex. Until there is big fight over Kara’s wanting move to be closer to Clark. 2x02 ends with Kara sitting besides Mon-El’s bed talking about how she’s going to help him on Earth and they he attacks her. That’s some serious foreshadowing there for their relationship but also for what’s to come with Alex and Kara. No longer will episodes end with Kara and Alex together.

2x03 to 2x14 Danvers sister relationship takes a back seat to Mon-El. Each sister goes off towards their respective love interest and only come back to meet each other here and there. The sisterly relationship becomes secondarily to ships to the writers. Also Sanvers is secondary to Karamal which gets all screen time because Mon-El gets all screen time. When it should be Kara and Alex together it’s Mon-El with Kara such as 2x14 Homecoming. No longer do episodes end with Danvers sisters together in Kara’s apartment. The sister talk but it’s mostly about their love lives. Even Kara’s earth birthday is made into a ship thing aka all about Mon-El instead a Danvers sister thing.

Under the cut is Winn, Lena, Cat, Mon-El & Kara and my final thoughts on this as whole.

2x01 & 2x02 Winn works at the DEO thus interacts with everyone. He’s big fan of leading white male star and interacts with him. He loves Superman and gets hug before he leaves. Winn is suddenly super useful being able to suddenly read kyptonatian writing and be able to build anything they need to fight the bad guys. It felt to me like they wanted Cisco Ramon but they had Winn so they upgrading his skills and stuck him at the DEO. Winn interacts with Kara, Alex, Superman, J’onn. Cue witty joke.

2x03 to 2x14 Winn working at the DEO still remains more more at the center of things and connected to everyone. He gets slightly more scene time then James but first half of season that wasn’t always meaningful screen time. Sometimes it’s just make witty comments. But over all he’s had more development with Guardian, being buds with Mon-El, almost being killed/going off world first time and now getting romantic sub plot rushed though it maybe. Winn’s relationship with Kara is still extremely minor much like everyone else relationship with Kara. He talks to her at work but again it’s like ships passing at night hardly anything meaningful. We see them in the random group friends scene or he talks about the her but Winn is victim like Alex and James of Kara’s lack of relationships. Winn seems to character the writers care more about them James. Which was something we saw in 2x01/2x02 Superman episodes and is played out long term over season two. I think Winn gets more love from the writers because he’s Mon-El’s bud, he’s easy with witty comment and sits at easy juncture point at the DEO unlike James, Maggie, Lena, or M’gann. But you can’t deny the is some racism at play in this because J’onn is in same place as Winn but has had reduced screen time and even more reduced interaction with everyone. With stupid reasons to get rid of J’onn but involve Winn & mostly Mon-El like J’onn can’t breath air on that planet. J’onn is sick or just busy.

2x01 & 202 Lena Luthor is introduced but it isolated character that is only Kara’s friend.

2x03 to 2x14 Lena Luthor is a isolated character that is only Kara’s friend. We get backstory about Lena, we see Lena choose being good over her family and we see Lena has awesome friend to Kara. But Lena is as isolated as James is. It’s like ships passing in the fog when characters interact. James, Winn, Alex and even Maggie met Lena but there nothing there between the character. Zero connection. The writers simply don’t care at all connecting characters or relationships or Kara’s normal life. If this was s1 Lena would be at game night with James, Winn, Alex, Maggie & Mon-El. Having Lena so isolated limits her and limits how far relationships can grow. Just like James off in his corner and Maggie off in her corner and Alex off in another corner limits them all. It feels like nothing is growing or developing as whole. Think of 14 episodes in s1 wroth of development and you feel the complete lack of development on the show in s2.

2x01 & 202 Cat Grant decides to move away. Kara feels abandoned and says she doesn’t cope well with change in her life and lost without her.

2x03 to 2x14 Cat Grant has been gone for 11 episodes. Kara is struggling with abandonment issues due to the changes in her life. Kara is coping badly without Cat helping be the best she can be. Half the show seems to have left with Cat as Kara’s normal life is no longer important. Cat is mentioned once but not when she should be. She isn’t mentioned when Lirewire escapes jail instead she’s mentioned during the Valentines Day ep as ‘Mrs Grant use to eat here a lot I can get you a table.’ Another sign of show treat of not focusing on what’s important details for characterization but prioritizing ship related things.

2x01 & 202 Kara sitting besides Mon-El’s bed with open heart talking about how she’s going to help him on Earth and they wakes up he attacks her for no reason.

2x03 to 2x14 Kara opens her life, her day job, the DEO, her family, herself to Mon-El in every way possible and get gets a lost grief back from him for her trouble. First when she gets him job, then when tries to make a better person, then when they start dating it kicks into a whole new level of grief. When the going gets tough Mon-El’s default seems to be lash out verbally attacker Kara. Which how it mirror 2x02. I could list all times it’s happened and ways he’s hurt and how she keeps coming back opening herself up to him with hope of better things but that would make for very long post. It’s not the biggest parallel but I thought I’d add it on anyway.

Of course this doesn’t cover everything. Like J’onn’s reduced screen time over the course of the season. OR how M’gann’s storyline was going to turn out. Or how Maggie and Alex only get five minutes of screen time here and there. Though you could argue that Alex’s reduce screen time in 2x01 & 2x02  foreshadowed Alex’s ongoing small screen time because Alex=Sanvers small screen time. It’s all symptom of the same disease.

I just thought about it mostly with James and went ‘wait a minute this playing out the same as it did in Superman episodes’. I don’t for one minute think the writers are sitting deciding “I’m going to James no screen this week because that’s what we did in the Superman episodes.” That’s not what I’m saying at all. I just think the CW and writers were testing the waters of plan for season. Less James, less importance on Danvers family, make shiny white male the unofficial lead and give him equal screen time as Kara. Shift the style of show from s1 to more CW formula with lots of ships and pretty white boy head lining things hoping to bring in ratings.

I think one of many reasons the Mon-El will work because Superman worked for two episodes line of thinking fails is

It’s Superman. Big comicbook following. Beloved character. Nice guy. People wanted to see him and the show did pretty good by the character. 2) Superman was short term. He took over 2 eps but he at least had family ties to Kara which made things interesting. Again comicbook history which lot of people were interested in. Not sure how long term it would’ve lasted. Because it wouldn’t be Supergirl’s anymore just like it now I don’t feel like Supergirl anymore.

Clark Kent is good man. Mon-El is misogynist who openly complains that he misses being on world where he could objectify women. He’s not hero or good man or even decent person. This story of Kara making him into good person is painful. Watching him date her and disrespect her and treat her badly but say ‘I’m sorry give me another chance I swear I’ll do better next time’ but next time he does the same is disgusting. I’m sorry I don’t want to watch five minutes of like Mon-El let alone have him take over the show hurting every relationship and taking screen time from all the characters. At least Superman was good character but Mon-El is just worst. Like the worst. He’s the opposite of everything I think of when I think of this show. He’s the opposite of Supergirl and everything she stands for. I watch this show to get away from characters like him or at least I use to. For some god forshaken reason the writers decided they wanted to add pretty white boy to show who take over show and get equal screen time to Kara and they DECIDED TO MAKE HIM A MISOGYNIST?! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK PEOPLE WANT TO WATCH THAT WHEN THEY CAME TO WATCH SHOW ABOUT BASE OF THE IDEA OF GIRL POWER?

[chiefpaperdonut-blog]

day 1 journal

so

here i am

after all this time

make the changes you need

and stop being a broken record

it feels good being able to type on a keyboard again. strange that i haven't been able to for months.

i like not being a computer slave though.

also, this computers HDD may die soon

it's probably worth getting some sort of HDD that you can collect all your various datas and throw them together

it'd be nice to have the photos. even if photos make me sad.

i think what's sad is just what you've given up

and for nothing of lasting value

nor people who valued you for you

well maybe that last point is a bit dramatic

maybe just write out your emotions and let yourself cry and be a human again

====

you got to love/shake your head at the excuses used for the various drug addictions i ended up stacking on top of one another

the reality is that you are intelligent, but you've not lived intelligently

stop handicapping yourself. it's illusionary pleasure, distraction

it could be a videogame addiction. but it wasn't. it was drugs.

the cheapest shortcut

and of course, there's a lot of price to pay eventually

it doesn't seem like it at the time but that's how it transpires.

i'm sick of being a drug addict and not reaching my true potential. not facing the reality of life. of course it's hard. but you've made it harder, through short term thinking.

you're midway through your 20s. this is in someways the most productive period of your life.

it hasn't all been a waste. you've been relatively functional. but you don't see things through enough. you could have done far more. also, you need to get out of this environment.

this house has been fun. it's also been illuminating. the place has been mostly a total fucking sty. indulgent nothingness. you had some fun times with friends, who you thought would always be there for you. the reality is that some of those friendships are not like that, and are built on very shaky foundations.

i want to hold myself to a higher standard. i want to do more good in this world. i want to be able to properly look after myself.

it's ok for it to be hard. it's ok for this to be a struggle. believe believe believe

i've had enough signs from god to know it'll all be fine.

don't forget the signs. they are telling you to change path. this is a time of change.

even if it's hard. not fun. even if sobriety fucking freaks you out, or stresses you out

eventually that'll fade. and you'll be free. and infinitely better off.

the whole living with high people sitting on a couch playing games or watching tele, doing fuck all, messy place, no money, it's too sad and empty. it's not what i want for myself or for anyone else, there's a lot more to life. you used to know this. you still know this, but you've made the decisions.

time to make another decision. the decision to not use today.

just a day at a time. you don't need to quit forever. plenty of people have slip ups anyway.

just one day. one day is more than none.

===

i just saw someone walk by my window. and middle aged but poorly aged woman smoking a cigarette, wearing baggy, cheap, scrappy looking active wear / salvos stock. you see a lot of the older, poor people in the kilburn area. even the people your aguish at savers (sam commenting what was she doing with her life). that is a result of decisions by and large. it begins with the decision to smoke a cigarette. then drugs, alcohol, whatever - it ends up coming before alll else. even appearance. showering.

their lives aren't necessarily bad. it's not my place to make a value judgement about the content of their character. because that so easily could be you. it's a result of decisions, one after the other.

these people may be carrying burdens that you have no idea of

at the end of the day though, i don't want that

i don't want to be poor as shit on a pension, scraping by

getting the bus because there's no other options

picking cigarette butts off the ground

prioritising alcohol or whatever substance above all else

it's the relationship with it, and the decision one makes around them

is it a healthy relationship?

for me, obviously not. it's not the path i wish to walk down.

drug addiction very rarely ends in a positive manner, excluding stories of going straight. even the famous people for example who made it work would have likely been more effective / lived longer if they'd nipped it in the bud.

it's a crutch but you already knew how to walk

but you used it so much that you ended up forgetting how to walk

and was then afraid without it you'd fall flat on your face

----

(−)-trans-Δ⁹   --  -tetrahydrocannabinol

anhedonia

----

you already quit your opiate addiction earlier this year.

don't replace drug addiction with laptop addiction

you already know the sort of stuff you are good at and the work you can do

the goals you can and do hold

time to stop wasting

---

i want to quit

that's why i'm on /r/leaves

that's why i'm going to make an account to keep accountable.

---

other thing about living situation - no matter how many problems you think you have and that you've neglected through drug use, it's not like that applies just to you. ky is the same, hence that list i wrote earlier talking about his actions. how they reveal a lot of flaws in the way he interacts with others / honesty. that's the other thing about weed. oh, it's so chill. people who smoke like ky are so chill. well, not really. it's artificial and fake. you've seen him lose his shit. act in a pretty crappy way. he's human like the rest of us, but he is still stuck in using weed and as soon as he gets back, he likely will again. it makes more sense then him going sober, paying his bills, changing the way he interacts to be more honest instead of trying to remove any amount of difficulty / disturbance from his life.

---

think of all the times you scraped for res

searched the ground for bud

smoked weed covered in cat  hair

checking stash spots that you know you don't have any weed in

but MAYBE

maybe there'll be something

opening baggies and collecting particles

filtered bong water to collect plant matter that had fallen through

didn't it make you feel rather grubby? to take a drug to such an extent, to never not try maximise etc.

instead of just waiting until the next time, it had to be MAXIMUM

no waste

but that sounds too positive, no waste

considering every second spent on that behaviour was a total waste.

don't ever go back to that.

----

a random catholic covered a church being robbed for 1000 dollars. that's a spirit of awesome generosity. you could be that type of person if you make the necessary decisions.

---

by the time you are sober , by your next bday, you'll have three years essentially

three years to work it out, get your shit together and make something of yourself

not that 30 is a deadline for life. but for me, i'd like to be well on the way then.

the sooner the better

----

you're reading weed defenders defend their drug on redid and it's hilarious in a sense, sad in another. it really drives home the bad stereotypes about the drug and the obvious delusion most daily stoners labour under. 'i'm still productive, i've still achieved things' - like what? - not much -

think of people like mark carey . supposedly smart, knows a lot about science blah blah blah. yet he's mid 30s , achieved fuck all and that doesn't appear to be changing anytime soon.

maybe the debauched lifestyle is romanticised to help those who live with it. shame that it convinces others, such as myself, to jump deep into that pool. especially with it's connections to art and music. the reality though - you and everyone else for that matter would be better off (bar those with seizures / genuine medical use eg. NOT ANXIETY OR DEPRESSION IT MAKES IT WORSE EVENTUALLY)

---

if you get through all this mess, it'll be something to be proud of and proof of the strength i have to draw on.

---

SOBER

Stop,  observe - with detachment - how do i feel?

Breathe - deep slow breaths

Examine - why do i feel like this?

respond - not react.

10 minutes meditation

---

remember zoe from work commenting about how i should just leave instead of wanting to get evicted. i was annoyed at the time because of course i was thinking it's not that simple.

there's ky, the band, cats, money owing , shared responsibilities yada yada yada

but the reality is it is that simple

you've accepted so much that is unacceptable through acquiescence through drug use.

kyrons constant fucking around with money.

it's been months and months of being fucked around.

so come on. time to wake up.

it is that simple. and necessary.

mum will help you. you can then rebuild, and change your life.

i could be in a position where i could move to japan if i hadn't smoked weed.  i probably would have finished university, if not prior to working at  child support, certainly the next year and a half of not really being that employed.

you still did a lot of things in a sense. they just weren't very productive. time spent at salvos. working writing jobs. won that writing competition. wrote an entire film script. made music, improved skills , and exposure.

you may be entering in some senses your golden period.

plenty of people make use of themselves later then 27

sure, we hear plenty about the young who are already running out the gate

you made decisions to build friends, have memories, different experiences and exposures to different lifestyles. that is valuable and this part of your life is not wasted. in fact, by recognising how much more i am capable of, and by beating numerous difficult drug addictions, i'm proving my ability as a human, growing. i don't think it's true that weed puts you in a COMPLETE stasis, but maybe i was lucky because i still liked doing things / reading / learning. plenty just sit about playing fortnite. the reality though is that i could have done A LOT more. and that makes a difference. you've gained an interesting perspective into different ways of living / people. even if you think about high school, nearly all your friends were kinda middle class and well off and not turning to drugs. now you're with the drudgers , it's all dysfunctional , single parent homes. maybe that's a bit harsh and inaccurate. at the end of the day though, hardcore drug use is dysfunctional and dysfunctional people will be drawn to this.

you have been dysfunctional. this is why you've alienated a lot of former friends, through treating them inappropriately. things won't get better unless you make a proper effort at becoming functional. and you can. a lot of the things that motivated you to take drugs initially - lack of being cool, having friends/fun, trying new , different things, and even though i probably didn't think of it, taking the easy way out to feeling good and ignoring the bad of life and my self-esteem issues from not fitting in as a younger person. i wasn't very assertive when i first came back over. i found it hard to talk to others blah blah blah. even though socially things were better in wales then melbourne/rose park, there was still plenty of mistakes and growing pains. these are not problems anymore. i'm a lot wiser. and there's still a lot of mountains to climb, but different ones. not just sitting at the top of the one i climbed years ago. in fact, i've been atrophying and going backwards in a lot of those areas - DUE to drugs. it has kept me static but also dysfunctional, and over time, i've had that manifest through bad behaviour that has alienated my friends. at a certain point they have to give up. it's for their own health as well.

day 1 for weed, day 7 for tobacco. keep it up.