#and i just froze
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This feels like a bad dream lol
#THE LAST PAGE OF THE FUCKING CHECKOUT#I’m never gonna get over this#the feeling of seeing the amount of time left and knowing I wasn’t gonna make it is just#holy shit#and I just froze#I tried really hard but I just#their timing system is so fucked up
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in hindsight, joining a fucking dating app was a big fucking mistake, but today it feels even worse. i can't. i don't want people to find me attractive if what they're seeing is a woman
#i feel so dysphoric i wanna take off my skin#today a guy at uni deliberately and purposefully deadnamed me#and i just froze#it's not like my deadname is a secret. unfortunately a lot of people know it#but god. i wanted to cry. he looked so smug about it. like he'd figured out a secret code#i know he doesn't exactly like me. i mean. i don't like him. he got really fixated on me correcting him one time#and now... i think he thinks it's fun. that we have a rivalry and we have fun with this#but right now i want to tear myself apart because he said my deadname and he said it like that#and i got home to a bunch of messages from guys on the stupid dating app#calling me beautiful woman. princesa. hermosa. bella. god i want to die
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why is this written like it's trying to hypnotize me into making a batch of caramelized onions, and more importantly, why is it working
#DON'T YOU WANT THAT FOR YOURSELF? DON'T YOU WANT THAT FOR YOURSELF? DON'T YOU WANT THAT FOR YOURSELF? DON'T YOU WANT THAT FOR YOURSELF? DO—#i just wanted to know if they froze ok so i can make huge batches for mujadara#it takes SO LONG let me just make Tons at once#jj stuff
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the revelation that claudia’s rebirth was such a twisted and horrible moment, with louis dragging her like she was a thing, a stranger who neither of them knew but he kept saying over and over “our daughter, our beautiful little daughter” to lestat, really solidified the way she was never the main character of her own story. she was always an accessory to some or the other of louis’ whims: his guilt, his loneliness, his conflict of being a killer, his rocky relationship with lestat. there was love there, love from both her fathers, but it was never enough. lestat saw her too much as a wretched mirror held up to his own self, and louis was always too steeped in his own feelings to care enough about hers. claudia’s story truly was the greatest tragedy in this tale, treated horribly by every man around her, even her fathers, relentlessly exploited and brutally ignored, always second and never first. the only one who loved her the way she deserved to be loved was madeleine, and the moment she truly had her, her happiness was torn from her. and just before she died, she got to see someone actually choose her in her entirety, not for what she can be but for who she is, and it still wasn’t enough. she still burned alive in the sunlight. the love was there, but it wasn’t enough to save her.
#i want to scream i am still mourning my girl claudia#SHE DIDN'T DESERVE THIS#and fuckass armand in his silly little playpen “unable” to prevent it like NO. YOU COULD HAVE. YOU JUST DIDN'T CARE.#absolutely stumped as to how on earth louis stayed with him after this#like yea the gaslighting and the lies but king... he froze the whole coven at dinner once and stopped time and shit. he can save claudia.#but he didn't and louis might have forgiven him for it but i never will !!!#that being said i still love armand 😋#this is what makes these characters so gothic and fascinating imo#these terrible things they do contrasted with the intense way they love each other#mmmmm scrumm dilly yum yum a purr purr !!!!#interview with the vampire#claudia#claudia iwtv#louis de pointe du lac#lestat de lioncourt#armand#armand iwtv#iwtv amc#iwtv spoilers
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I made a magnolia tea latte so good I'm having a religious experience at my desk
this is a PSA to go steal some magnolia flowers from your neighbor's yard TODAY
#come visit me and i will make you magnolia drinks#(that is a threat and a promise)#i'm putting magnolia in everything#cookies? check. oatmeal? check. coffee? check. cocktails? check.#gonna learn to make ice cream just so i can put magnolia in it#it goes extra well with the mulberries i froze from last year#EXTREME hobbit vibes in my apartment today
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"Saw a deer today, it stopped right in front of me.
Maybe it was a trick of the light or the way it moved,
But for a moment, I swear it was you.
I won't say I miss you, I've said that too many times,
But you're still my brother.
My brother under the same endless sky."
#john would never know about arthurs deer visions#but I think he'd feel something if the right deer crossed his path#and this one did oddly enough#it just froze in place as if the snow had kept it there#but I can't make journal pages for john like I did with arthur#so this is the next best thing I think#oh john#oh arthur#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#micks pics#arthur morgan#john marston#red dead redemption community#red dead redemption 2 photography#red dead redemption 2 spoilers
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I think the 2 closest things I have to New Years resolutions this year is that I want a new tattoo and I want to try and learn Dutch. Tattoo because they look sick as fuck, and I want to learn Dutch for a few reason’s: 1) I am Dutch but growing up on the west coast of Canada with parents also born here, English is my first and only language (embarrassing when you consider more than half my elementary school was bilingual or polyglot)
2) The relatives over in Holland have an open invitation for me to come and stay a few weeks to see where my family is from and also have a connection to my distant family
but mostly
3) I work in retail (and still wear a mask) and have listen to conspiracy theorists and far-right lecturing me and not.. fucking... shutting.... up all god damn day. So I want to be able to pull a “no speak English” when I don’t want to speak to strangers in my free time
#i did 2 years of japanese in school#but i obv cant speak japanese to get out of conversations#so i gotta pick european language#and at least dutch makes sense#personal#rant#also throwback to the early days of my social awkwardness turning to social anxiety#when i had to grab something from a hotel room but cleaning service was in there and she asked what i needed to grab#and i just froze#so she started trying to ask if i even knew english#but terrified silence only gets you so far#also dutch swears are fun#because there are no actual swears#just obscenities#like klutzack#probs spelled that wrong
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Loop 1, rock beats scissors.
#Isat#isat spoilers#isat siffrin#isat mirabelle#isat loop#isat change god#isat fanart#Look man I just think about those few seconds before the loop loops and I get emotional#also I do think Mira froze for this death cause holy fuck#Also.... red :3#trying the game style a lil#not a huge fan but! It works lol#Also if yall will notice the only one not looking at someone else in this picture doesnt have red in her eyes lol
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If bbc merlin wasn't gay then tell me why my middle aged, agressively heterosexual father that thought neil and todd were straight just turned to me and told me magic was an allegory for queerness. fucking riddle me that
#like actually HOW did the writers not realise what they were writing#i don't think i've ever been this shellshocked#he just said it outta nowhere and i fully froze in horror#he was like do you realise what magic is a metaphor for#meanwhile i'm having a heart attack#i fully said no and denied it was even gay#fighting for my fucking life#merlin#bbc merlin#merthur#blue rewatches merlin
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MAJOR HADES 2 SPOILERS BUT...
FIRST SPOTTING OF ZAGREUS!! MY BOY 😭😭😭😭😭
also is Achilles (who is a SHADE btw) such a threat that Chronos froze him in time too??? LET HIM AND HIS HUSBAND HAVE THEIR HAPPY EVER AFTER FFS
#like all i can imagine is achilles leaving Patroclus in Elysium to work a shift at the house AND HE JUST NEVER RETURNS???#PATROCLUS IM SO SORRY WHY DO THE GODS HATE YOU#im also proud of my boy zagreus for leading the (maybe) attack on Chronos#and im pretty sure Thanatos is frozen right behind Achilles#(along with meg and dusa and persephone ofc)#which would explain why the entire surface world is fucked#but im just so offended that he froze a SHADE#LET HIM BE WITH PATROCLUS FFS#hades 2#hades 2 spoilers#zagreus#achilles#patroclus#thanatos#melinoe#hades#spoilers#also sorry for the poor quality photo lmao#hades spoilers
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LOVELY RUNNER 선재 업고 튀어 — 2024, dir. Boo Sung Chul, Yoon Jong Ho, Kim Tae Yeong
#lovely runner#kdramaedit#kdramanetwork#userdramas#asiandramanet#kdramasource#dramasource#lovelyrunneredit#gifs#roserayne#samblr#lextag#userheidy#userxlh#userhoshii#byeon woo seok#kim hye yoon#this set took me a long 2 days to be complete#i was hating my sharpen and my coloring#and had to use topaz photo ai in 700 caps#guess everything just froze#but i liked the result at least
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am i gonna put you in the book acknowledgements am i gonna be able to say your name without flinching am i ever gonna get a word in edgewise am i ever gonna recover the time i spent with you. computer virus kid; i arrived in your life already begging to be let in. somehow insecure i could even be your friend. like you had a line outside the door and we were all shifting our weight, begging.
you're so fucking good at that - at making people feel like they need to earn you, like you're a commodity none of us can afford. no kindness or careful communication could work on you - you were so good at just going-ghost, about deciding someone just wasn't cool-enough. something about that is super ironic. even the parts of it that weren't romantic felt like a romance book. i wanted you to like me so badly i scrubbed myself clean just so you'd spare me - what. your favor? a look?
okay okay okay. it's just a friendship - if it was even true that we were friends, if you even saw me as someone you trusted. on reddit someone would tell me girl literally just cut her out of your life, it's not that difficult. even i was aware of how fucked up the whole situation was. like, why the fuck do i even care about your approval? you're like, not even that fun to be around. you are often a little bit cruel.
but for almost four years of my life, i thought i had found someone like me. somebody who liked the same things i do. someone who liked to read and who liked making jokes with esoteric references and who spent maybe too much time on the internet and who was absolutely a little bit pretentious. i don't know, something about that was powerful and addictive.
i keep thinking about our last conversation. about how i said - okay, enough is enough. you pushed me too far, you really hurt my feelings.
and how you laughed and said - you think you're the victim?
#spilled ink#warm up#writeblr#she physically assaulted me and then screamed in my face#but not before sh'ing first and blaming it on me#while she was locked in my bathroom. at 1 in the morning#while i begged her to please just calm down and to try taking a deep breath and to go to sleep#and then she was like - ur just like my abuser#bc she had screamed in my face which was triggering to me and i froze like a deer in the headlights#and since i had shut down at that point evidently i was the problem child#i know she is out there telling our mutual friends i abandoned her and it makes me SO pissed off#like dude you spent so much fucking time forgiving & forgetting that your decrepit asshole of a boyfriend#pushed me down in the fucking hallway#but noooo hes <3 troubled <3 at 43 and divorced#bc according to you it's important that u don't '''see anyone as a monster''#but god forbid i not handle you SCREAMING IN MY FACE#i couldnt even get you to say sorry for crossing my original and only boundary you were like ''what did you want me to do''#babe i said 'the bf is not allowed around here he scares me and u said ur broken up with him'#that was the thing i wanted you to do: not fucking invite him to WHERE I LIVED#godddd typing this shit out and knowing it's only 2% of what actually happened makes me feel pathetic#i can't believe i let you treat me like that. you were a TERRIBLE friend.
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"But beyond all my pain, there was you"
Narilamb designs: @runningwithscizzorz
here's an alt version of Narinder without the veil!! :D
#I added that detail last minute and my poor government laptop was about to explode from the amount of layers that I was using–#it wasn't even that much! just uhh 95 I think?? I normally use like. 150+. But this poor laptop is not built for that#The tools were starting to lag and the program froze for a couple of seconds before starting to work again and it was a whole mess so#I couldn't put a lot of detail into it#but I'm still pretty happy with the result!!#I love Lisey's design so much specially Narinder's#I really wanted to make fanart for them and I finally got to finish it!! there was a lot of trusting the process in this fjhsd but it was#definitely worth it. I think I exceeded myself. Very proud of this one.#even though I couldn't put the amount of detail I would have wanted to because of the laptop's limitations.. I did the best I could with#what I had and I think it looks good! so. yeah. hehe.#I hope Likey likes it if they see it heh (*´ω`*)#cotl#cult of the lamb#cotl Narinder#cotl Lamb#cotl the one who waits#cotl narilamb#cotl fanart#narinder x lamb#gpart
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More holiday requests! Some Ace Attorney ones this year which are fun, I haven't drawn PW stuff in ages, haha. Some of these are from an Ace Attorney/Frozen crossover that i finished writing years ago and still haven't POSTED IT'S DONE WHY AM I LIKE THIS i just need to sit down and finish editing it one of these days
The last one is from a very disturbing Matt/Juan (well, more like the doomed love square of 2-4 with Adrian/Matt/Juan/Celeste) psychological horrorshow I wrote a long time ago during a pretty dark time in my life, as you can probably guess from the shot, haha. Definitely not for children or the faint of heart.
[patreon]
#ace attorney#pokemon#brain's froze#z art#athena cykes#apollo justice#klavier gavin#kristoph gavin#toxtricity#matt engarde#juan corrida#shoe#i really need to reread the frozen fic and try and get back into that headspace again#it's just been sitting there mocking me for ages#god it's 90k+ i didn't even notice until just now#i was possessed by a demon
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Who wants to kiss Miko Ojo in the vaporwave CAS room? ✋🏻
#ts4#sims 4#show us your sims#cas creations#miko ojo#photoshop froze on me so i can't be bothered to crop these#made her over just for fun!!!#i've been dying to use this cas room and thought she fit the vibe#forever and always my number one ts4 crush 😍
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There's something so haunting about the look of utter horror on Arthur's face as Dutch drowned Bronte right in front of him, the full shot just hurts
Arthur was looking up in horror, John was looking down in disappointment
The two sons stood, watching their mentor pursue revenge they couldn't afford.
#arthur just froze#he was horrified#I find it so interesting how john was the one to call dutch out on how messed up that was#and not arthur#because I imagine if it was arthur then dutch would likely have a different choice of words for him#but john pointing it out speaks volumes#at this point in the chapter - dutch thinks john is turning against him because john is voicing his concerns#despite arthur getting yelled at during country pursuits for even slightly questioning dutch#it seems dutch will yell at arthur more than he will with john#god#these poor guys#mick squeaks#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#arthur morgan#john marston#dutch van der linde#red dead redemption community#mick vids#oh arthur#micks pics
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