#and i have trans goals and i am finally achieving some of them

[fruitsilly]

Reiterates to myself again and again that "wanting to be a guy" is a symptom of BEING A GUY.

[viviennevermillion]

Mortals and Fools — First Look #1 (Coming Soon)

Want to read a SFW coming-of-age fantasy novel with evil gods, two adult aspec protagonists and magic? Consider supporting this project!

Author's Note: After a total of 8 years of posting fanfiction on this account, I am excited to announce that I am finally starting my first long-term original work as an author! Goal is to get this series published as an actual novel but until then, I will be uploading chapters online as I write them, hopefully building an audience in the process! Mortals and Fools will be available on Wattpad and potentially other platforms. The first 4 chapters will be uploaded to Tumblr as well. Over the next few weeks I will keep uploading promo posts with new characters and more info! Thank you so much to everyone who has supported me as a writer over the years and welcome to everyone who's new here!

Summary: In the land of Elsthess, brilliant but arrogant Dr. Immanuel Faust is doing his best to follow the teachings of the Goddess of Wisdom, live up to his late grandmother's expectations and hide the fact that he has been seeing strange, mystical apparitions all his life. When his pupil becomes afflicted with an ancient curse and the things he has seen turn out to be more than just hallucinations, Immanuel must forge a contract with Morgan, a being from another realm who's ready to humble him at every turn, and learn his religion's most despised art: magic. As he steps outside of the simple world he has grown up in, he slowly comes to realize that there is much more to learn for him still.

Themes:

The Meaning of Wisdom & Growth

Unlearning harmful narratives and prejudices

Religious Trauma

Healing from Abuse

Rebuilding trust in others

Learning to understand others

Navigating radical changes during adulthood

Elitism and class inequality

The problems with the ideal of meritocracy

Queerplatonic & Alterous Attraction

Addiction

Gender Dysphoria

What this story contains:

A variety of fun magical powers!

Evil Gods & Forces from other Realms!

Queer rep! (demisexual & aroace protagonists, a trans man and a wlw couple)

Mysteries to unravel

The coming-of-age fantasy adventures you're used to from YA novels but with characters in their 20s and struggles of adulthood

Humor

My blood, sweat and tears as an author

The Cast: Introducing 3 Characters

Here's some info on the three characters in the header, from left to right!

#1 — Dr. Immanuel Icarus Faust

❝ It wasn't supposed to be like this... I've failed... as both a doctor and a man of faith. I wanted to follow your teachings, dear Goddess, and guide those who seek wisdom and knowledge, as grandmother did... but I couldn't even save one innocent girl. Have I become godless? ❝

Raised by his grandmother, the High Priestess of Solbrynn's temple, Immanuel was taught from an early age on to aspire to be the best in everything he attempted to do and dedicate his life to wisdom, in order to make the Goddess Adira proud. Having become a renowned physician at the age of 28, Immanuel understands himself as his kingdom's ideal of a self-made man: a scholar who can achieve everything he puts his mind to, no matter the circumstances. As a result, he has put himself on a pedestal, believing that those who achieved less than him had all the chances and merely didn't use them. Fearing nothing more than failure and becoming anything like his absent, alcoholic father; Immanuel is bound for a rude awakening.

#2 — Morgan Miralaith

❝ While you were having your existential crisis in the mad scientist laboratory you call your bedroom, I took the liberty to read your grandmother's diary. The good news is, I finally understand where all the hubris comes from. ❝

Morgan, belonging to a long-lived species from the realm of Calliah, is the second-in-command for the Elsthess Resistance against the Plague Avatars. While the Resistance on Mhorunn regards her as a capable leader and a skilled fighter; using fire magic to blaze her way to victory; it is clear to most that she has many secrets and ulterior motives. She cares about others in her own way, yet hardly lets anyone close to her. With her mischievous demeanor and cynical nature, Morgan has made it her new mission to recruit Immanuel for the Resistance and, while at it, shatter his very distorted self-image and worldview. Upon forging a contract with her, Immanuel believes that he has sold his soul to a demon. It is only upon meeting others of her kind that he realizes that really is just her personality.

#3 — Mortis Grimm

❞ People reject that which is foreign to them. You of all people should know this. Still, my personal aspirations and origins are of no concern to you. Remember that. ❝

While there are several people from the Realm of Calliah in Elsthess, the realm that Mortis Grimm originated from is unknown. He seems to be the only one of his kind and there is something sinister about him. Wielding powerful magic that matches no other in recorded nature, Mortis, despite being the leader of the Resistance, is a big mystery to all of its members. Usually donning a Plague Doctor mask, Morgan is among the few to have seen his face. He is Mhorunn's greatest ally, but hardly a trusted one. Most understand that he could just as well become its greatest enemy one day.

Interested in reading more and receiving updates as they're posted? Comment on this post and tell me if you'd like to be added to the taglist! Reblogs are appreciated to spread the word! 💞

Taglist — @gwaaaaar @silveryloneliness @noxochicoztliv @justletmeon12 @averytirednerd @letsallsleepoverwork @styrofauxm @non-pressurizeddiamond @mangoinacan13 @amateurmasksmith @kenobiblue @soru-dee @pictures-of-the-stars @elf-osamu @animusicnerd @jaytherat-hometothereblog @watcherofeternalflame

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 10/24/2023

this post and this series not sponsored by hellofresh

listening

caravan palace's new single MAD. genuinely the song i've had on loop while working but i had a very strong "ugh can't use that one it's cringe" reaction while drafting this entry and am trying to sort of sit with myself for a bit and go okay WHY is it cringe? how can we talk about it being cringe other than the fact that steampunk and electroswing are no longer fashionable? some weeks the policy of No Such Thing As A Guilty Pleasure is easier than others

i would not classify this song as electro or swing, and it's considerably jazzier than their more recent dancey pop stuff. more of a languid stroll with enough brass to keep my brain interested while i peer at spreadsheets? spotify

-

reading

Alexis Hall's A Lady for a Duke. i liked this quite a bit but i have some longer form thoughts percolating that require a reread. it was a tense but fun read, i do not know that mr hall achieved the goal he set forth below. in a broad initial stroke, there is certainly a great deal of internal conflict not helped by our trans lead’s difficulty seeing her trans self in a loving relationship.

how this conflict resolves did genuinely keep me on the edge of my seat bc i could not fucking figure out how she was going to do it

-

watching

Pandora and the Flying Dutchman (1951, dir Lewin). this is a movie where (in the immortal words of the switchblade sisters podcast) it’s not what happens, but how it happens. the movie opens with fishermen dredging up two star-crossed lovers. i will not be particularly concerned with spoilers here or in my letterboxd review.

age and a deft scorsese-backed restoration have been very kind to this sea-mist movie. cinnamon fucking topography, technicolor at some of its prettiest and best used. jack cardiff (also did Black Narcissius, The Red Shoes, The African Queen) you've fucking done it again. the restored version is on american tubi and it's so so lush and dreamy. the very first handful of scenes contains a church bell ringing wildly, giving you glimpses of commotion on the beach, and it just keeps getting better from there. the beach party, full of dutch angles and toppled statuary and debauchery and no one dancing the same, is exactly the same as every beach party i have ever been to.

james mason is at his hottest, wettest, and most brooding. not all of our main characters are as openly debauched as pandora, but all of them are just as selfish. i have a lot of fucking beef with some of the letterboxd reviewers, who are simply wrong. pandora is not supposed to be a likeable or redeemable character. i think one of the questions for YOU to answer is whether or not a flighty, homewrecking, irresponsible woman like pandora is redeemed through her willingness to die for true love-- this is generally an admirable quality in myths and fairy tales, but is it cancelled out as just another flight of her fancies that ultimately kills her?

also the people who don't "get" what the film's about and complain it's too slow. it's about insanity and the sea what's not to get!!!

thank u @dying-suffering-french-stalkers

-

playing

so we are mostly through the genshin 4.1 part 2 events. i am so tired of the past few battle events cycling through the same arenas; however, this is the first event where i read the directions and was like "augh that's too complicated we'll do that later" and did all my weekly bounties instead. speaking of bounties, i finally did enough to unlock the treasure chest locator and confirmed my suspicions that i have in fact picked over the region pretty well in the last ~two months. the liffey and research institute were at 85% and 95% respectively before i unlocked this thing, but i did almost immediately find two remarkable chests in the far south by the port. augh. would have bit me if they had teeth etc. i would prefer if the regions showed 100% when i have actually 100%ed them instead of whatever margin they have going now, but i recognize that i have brain problems.

-

making

im MAD bc i was given a singular hellofresh dinner by a friend going on vacation and it was fairly easy to make and tasted good and everything WORKED. and it was like a fun little after work project!!! and the directions said “here’s what to do to the peppers if you don’t want it super spicy” and it most importantly it all WORKED. this is a very expensive thing to have a sudden interest in. i feel like i fuck up most of the food i make and i know that's part of the learning curve but it's SO fucking expensive to fuck up food and i have such a limited amount of energy :<

[dionysianchub]

Hey man this isn't specifically a kink question, but I finally got my T consult scheduled! I'll be doing it at the end of the month. You got any tips for a guy starting T? Roughly what to expect at the first visit? And the all important trans gainer dude question: how good are the T munchies bc I have heard of this existing and I. HOPE. for this

Well first of all, congratulations!! How exciting for you. 💜 I know the trans journey is a personal one and not everyone wants to go the hrt route, but for me it was so affirming just *having* it; being able to go through the weekly ritual of taking my injections (my "boy juice" as I call it) and knowing I'm actively doing something that would help me achieve some of the physical goals I wanted for myself. It was life-changing for me.

Off the top of my head, here are some things you will probably want to be ready for:

You will be a *sweaty* boy. I remember hearing this and thinking "I have always ran warm and am constantly overheated. How much worse can it really get?" Worse, as it turns out. Idk if you're a warm weather lover, and if you are, you might notind. I'm a winter person and I'd say my cozy zone dropped from 70 to like 65. I would recommend arming yourself with some products to help with sweat and chafing (which you might already have, being a gainer) and just prepare for summers to get a little warmer once your hormones hit the target levels. I have found that lighter moisture wicking fabrics are a bit of a lifesaver these days for keeping me cool outdoors.

Acne. Again, one I've always struggled with anyways, but never body acne like I have now. It took about a year to really become an issue but I have several acne prescriptions now for my back and chest. Benzoyl peroxide and salicylic acid products are easy things you can get over the counter as both ointments and body wash type products from places like target and Amazon, and I highly recommend them.

Changes will take time. I remember feeling like nothing was happening the first 6 months of treatment, but this is because that was the initial micro-dose phase my doctor had me on. Once I was cleared to take full doses each week changes came pretty steadily.

Your patience will be rewarded, and you will find euphoria in the little things. I'm about a year and a half into my full doses (coming on two years since I started) and my facial hair has gone from the wolverine mutton chops I had last year to the beard you see now, and it's still coming in. My voice has dropped substantially, which I didn't fully realize until I tried to sing one of my favorite songs and my voice cracked. I've gone from a soprano to more of a baritone. My fat has shifted from my legs to my gut (a nice bonus for a gainer!). Even my hairline has changed into a more masc appearance (more angular and less rounded like is typical in afab people) - which freaked me out at first, I thought I was losing my hair when I first noticed the change 😂 Everyone's body is different but these are the most common changes you can expect with long term T treatment. And every little change has made me feel more and more like what I feel inside. I hope you find that too!

As far as T munchies go, I am probably the worst person to ask because I have always had a massive appetite 😅 But I doubt the whole thing about teen boys eating a ton is without merit, and this is in essence a second puberty lmao.

For real though, I hope you find the same self actualization I did and I wish you the best in your journey! 💜 If you have any other questions about any of this or just need to talk to someone, my DMs are open to you!

[milkhoney531]

Just some personal musings, contains abuse, suicidal ideation, and transphobia mention

You know, when I first came out as trans/nonbinary, the name I chose started with M. Then G and then J. Now I'm back to M. Different name, same letter. For some reason, M sticks around longer than any other name I've gone by.

I've gone by tons of usernames too, but one split second decision cemented part of my username. I was signing up for freecycle for some reason and I was going to use my chosen name, I got three letters in and decided I didn't want questions so I chose to change the last letter and make a pale joke.

So boom, Milk became a part of my online identity, besides the 531 at the end. And while the word after it varies from place to place, the M stays.

I've changed a lot over the years, but some parts of me are the same. I still feel weird about my gender expression. I still hate being perceived as a girl. I can't stand pink or too many bright colors, mainly due to preference or sensory issues. I still don't correct family who calls me by the wrong name, but I want to work on that.

I still love to write, paint, draw, or do most creative mediums. However I don't write songs anymore, despite still wanting to learn music. I also don't hate fashion, I've designed clothes and bags and such, even making my own coat.

I'm no longer terrified of ruining things and shutting down my ideas due to that fear. I have altered clothes, made new clothes, put both fabric and acrylic paint where they definitely shouldn't go, frankensteined jackets and cosplays. I have let myself make the things I bought my own. Were there some projects I ended up regretting? Yes but it felt amazing to actually do them while I did!

It's been a rocky road, but I like where I'm at right now. I'd like some changes, yeah, but the changes I want, I'll get. I just need to keep going and preparing. I don't know for sure where I'm heading, but I have a plan for what I want in my life that can be achieved no matter what happens.

I still don't really know who or what I am, but I'm learning and I'm growing into a person I think I like being. Sure, there have been some bumps in the road, definitely didn't think I'd discover a chronic pain condition making me use a cane, or think I'd like flowers, the ocean, or space nearly as much as I do now, but it's a nice surprise.

I'm surprised and glad I'm here to learn more about myself. I never thought I'd live so long. Frankly, I was amazed I made it to high school. Growing up, home was a violent place. My mom was with a violent, obsessive, jealous drunk for most of my life. He almost killed me, my mom, and my brother with a gun before I was 6 years old. I learned the smell of alcohol and how to find empty beer bottles and places to hide before I learned how to write my name. I learned how to find good hiding spots and to make sure my siblings were hidden before I learned to tie my own shoes.

I grew up thinking I was going to be killed. When we finally were free of danger, and even before then, I often acted out at school due to meltdowns because of my autism. Once we were safe, I was no longer the trusted babysitter who could be woken up in the middle of the night before even attending kindergarten or the kid who could make sure their siblings were safe, instead I was a violent problem child. No longer was I praised for ridding of my bullies, my brother's, or my friends, but condemned because I used violent means to do so.

So I started to think of myself as a monster. As someone so unworthy of any human interaction that I legitimately thought I should be imprisoned and bound in a building with no possible exits or entrances far from civilization to just starve to death. I thought my only options in life were to be killed, kill myself, or imprisoned.

So I stopped doing anything. I stopped defending myself from bullies. I stopped caring what happened to me. I made it my goal to become invisible, to fly under the radar. And it worked. Everyone was happier that I had shut down. That I stopped being a problem.

Then I got a job. I started buying things for my family. Started treating them to special dinners, movies, etc. I started giving away what I had. I stopped eating except when with family. I was going to end it all.

But somehow I made it to high school. I remember how shocked I was. How I never thought I'd get that far. I had passed my self given expiration date somehow. And as I walked up to the school, I remember thinking that if I can make it this far, then if I were to go out, it wouldn't be by my own hand.

And yet in my sophomore year, I almost killed myself and to this day I still don't know why. I had just gotten home from a club dance with a bunch of free goodies for my family. I was happy as could be. My parents left to chaperone a dance. And I was alone, my siblings asleep. I didnt think. I found myself in some sort of daze as I walked into the kitchen and I was going to grab a bottle of pills. I was going to eat them all.

But I snapped out of it. I went online and I googled a suicide online chat help line. I never spoke to anyone, but waiting gave me time to come back to my senses. I don't know what snapped me out of it. But I was lucky I snapped out of it.

Sure, life hasn't been amazing, but I think I would have regretted not living it. I've gotten to learn so much, to do so much, to meet so many people, to help people. I wouldn't have gotten to do any of it if I had gone through with it, with my plan that night. As hard as it's been, I've been slowly learning to live. To be a person. As scary as it's been at times, to step out of my bubble, to be myself without fear, it's been getting easier the more I do it.

It started with me deciding to live. Then making a plan for my future. To adding color to my closet. To discovering who I am. To coming out. To defying my mom and staying out. To altering my clothes. To advocating for myself. To being who I am today.

[raeesadarsot]

Standing in the Hall of Fame: My Journey Through Community

Anxious. My often-crippling anxiety has censored many indispensable experiences previously. On 17 April 2023, I sat in the very same spot in the OT multipurpose room, listening to our lecturers impart their final words of wisdom before we commenced with community block. I did not survive beyond week 1. As insistent as I was about being incapable of ever completing 4th year, that thread of determination dragged me back – my fevered mind constantly questioned “but what if I can do it?”. Hence, the year is 2024 and I am in week 4/6 of my community block and nearly ¾ way done with the daunting year 4. Through memoirs from previous students, I had a preconceived notion that community block is the backbreaker. As a Muslim, Indian, English-speaking girl, it was instilled in me that factors such as cultural differences, and language-barriers would separate me from community members. However, 4 weeks later, I can affirmatively say that it is our diversity that allows us to contribute something therapeutic to each others lives.

(The True Power of Diversity - Carpe Diem Global Partners, n.d.)

As I reflect on my lessons learnt during this block, some conspicuous observations come to mind. In a hospital-based setting, an individual’s culture is considered (to an extent) when adopting the most therapeutic intervention plan. However, the community-based setting highlights the cruciality of ensuring that every aspect of intervention is culturally relevant and appropriate to an individual client and the broader community’s needs.

When immersing ourselves into the Cato Manor community, I observed how landmarks in the community can encourage community alleviation and become spaces for occupational productivity. For example, the Cato Crest Library is a spot for renting books, engaging in research, printing services, boardrooms for hosting meetings, and an outdoor recreational area for children. By becoming a part of the daily rush of the schools, crèches, soup kitchen, community hall, clinic and observing people in their community life, we could find the relevance of the community model in these settings and begin to attempt to fill any gaps within our scope of practice.

(Students Bring Occupational Therapy Closer to the Community - College of Health Sciences, n.d.)

Regardless of our purest intentions of entering the community to only bring on positive changes, we encountered several barriers that hindered effective service delivery. The current state of our country affects those living in poorer geographical areas the most. From the poor waste removal services, to the lack of clean running water, to the continuously increasing numbers of unemployed people, to the bursting classrooms of over 55 overstimulated students, to the burnt out teachers, to the high crime rate, to the uncontrolled substance abuse, to the drained mothers and overworked fathers…the injustices faced by our nation is simply staggering. (World Report 2019: Rights Trends in South Africa, n.d.) However, we knew our goals when entering the community and through the utilisation of severely limited resources coupled with our power of advocacy, we have been working tirelessly to achieve all of them.

What has proved most valuable to me in the community-setting is collaborating. In the community-based setting, Occupational Therapists collaborate with members of the community. This includes collaborations between multidisciplinary and trans-disciplinary teams. (Multidisciplinary Team, n.d.) The multidisciplinary team includes Physiotherapy, Speech Therapy, Audiology, Social Work, qualified Occupational Therapists and Doctors who are useful during clinic days but by at large, the Trans-disciplinary team comprising of Educators, Caregivers, student Occupational Therapists and most importantly, the client, has yielded the most holistic, therapeutic results.

(Collaboration Is a Key Skill. So Why Aren’t We Teaching It?, n.d.)

Throughout my years of clinical training, I was taught that working with a client’s strengths will sustain their performance and motivate them to engage. However, as a student therapist, I often unintentionally assumed that the client does not have much to contribute to the therapeutic process. By prioritising the client-centred approach in a community setting, every aspect of the client is considered including the cultural, socioeconomic, political and religious components. (The Importance of Person-Centred Care in Occupational Therapy, n.d.) Due to the visible physical differences between myself and majority of the community, I ensured that extra effort was placed on rapport-building - if community members feel comfortable in my presence, they’re less likely to resist intervention. Thereafter, it was paramount to ask every client the famous OT question of “what is it that you want to achieve?”, and then dive into our theory bank to unravel how to make it happen.

(What is person-centered care?, n.d.)

Additionally, my time in the community has been crucial in my personal growth and development. Coming from a family who considered outreach projects and volunteering to be part of our core values, I thought I had an idea of our extended communities. I was proved wrong from day 1 of the block. I previously had the mentality that everything that seemed unconventional in the community should be changed to “benefit the people”. However, many of the community members are content with what outsiders may find shocking. This hit me with a newfound appreciation for diverse cultures and traditions. The limited resources and lack of most resources has resulted in skill development on my part. For example, making various paediatric toys for therapy sessions with inexpensive materials is a skill that will certainly prove useful in my community service year. Furthermore, being able to witness the minute yet sizeable impact that we and previous students have made in our community placements has led to great self-fulfilment.

To conclude, community block has been a life-changing experience. The constantly-anxious girl remains but the knowledge I’ve gained during these weeks will carry me to the greatest heights. As the lyrics of Hall of Fame ring: “Do it for your people, do it for your pride. How are you ever gonna know if you never even try? Do it for your country, do it for your name ‘cause there’s gonna be a day when you’re standing in the hall of fame.” (HALL OF FAME (FEAT. WILL.I.AM) - The Script - LETRAS.COM, n.d.) The time for us to stand up on stage at graduation, or, our OT “hall of fame” is close and we’re gonna be a revolutionised class when we do get there!

References:

• Collaboration Is a Key Skill. So Why Aren’t We Teaching It? (n.d.). MIT Sloan Management Review. https://sloanreview.mit.edu/article/collaboration-is-a-key-skill-so-why-arent-we-teaching-it/

• HALL OF FAME (FEAT. WILL.I.AM) - The Script - LETRAS.COM. (n.d.). Letras.com. https://www.letras.com/the-script/hall-of-fame/

• The Importance of Person-Centred Care in Occupational Therapy. (n.d.). Occupational Therapy Australia - Representing Occupational Therapists. https://otaus.com.au/blog/the-importance-of-person-centred-care-in-occupational-therapy

• Introduction | Occupation Based Community Development Framework. (n.d.). https://vula.uct.ac.za/access/content/group/9c29ba04-b1ee-49b9-8c85-9a468b556ce2/OBCDF/pages/intro.html

• Multidisciplinary Team. (n.d.). Physiopedia. https://www.physio-pedia.com/Multidisciplinary_Team

• Students Bring Occupational Therapy Closer to the Community - College of Health Sciences. (n.d.). College of Health Sciences. https://ww2.chs.ukzn.ac.za/news/students-bring-occupational-therapy-closer-to-the-community/

• The True Power of Diversity - Carpe Diem Global Partners [Image]. (n.d.). Carpe Diem Global Partners. https://carpediempartners.com/the-true-power-of-diversity/

• What is person-centered care? (n.d.). Ida Institute. https://idainstitute.com/what_we_do/pcc_definitions/

• World Report 2019: Rights Trends in South Africa. (n.d.). Human Rights Watch. https://www.hrw.org/world-report/2019/country-chapters/south-africa#:~:text=Corruption,%20poverty,%20high%20unemployment,,and%20access%20to%20these%20rights.

[primrosepaw]

LightningClan Moon 12-22

Moon 12

WAR WITH BEARCLAN. Okay. Great.

And Speckleshine has yellowcough.

Green relationship bar!! Lightningstar (platonically) loves Splashfern! It's not quite mutual, but at least Splashfern has a significant platonic like bar for Lightningstar.

Moon 13

Glintspots was given dried herbs from Heatherheart, and is wearing them in her pelt!

A patrol that included Asterscratch, Heatherheart, and Splashfern ended up running into Nakeena, a kittypet, who they brought back to camp. She is sick, but as was the case with Mosaicspots, if she survives, she will be offered a full warrior name.

Moon 14

A patrol including Asterscratch, Splashfern, and Cypresstuft met a kittypet named Radar, who badly injured Splashfern's leg.

Radar:

Glintspots and Podpelt went out to look for herbs, and ended up finding a wounded queen with newborn kits, who they brought back to the Clan. The Queen's name is Fogstripe, and her his kits are Cliffkit and Puddlekit! [Edit: I’m a dummy who didn’t notice Fogstripe was a trans guy, so his pronouns may be incorrect but they get fixed as soon as I notice next post. I’d fix it here but tbqh I am, myself, an exhausted trans guy and I simply do not have the patience or energy to comb through and see if I misgendered a randomly generated pixel cat on accident. At least not tonight.]

Fogstripe:

Cliffkit:

Puddlekit:

Also, Lightningstar and Heatherheart met a kittypet named Fuzz, who they invited to join the Clan! Lots of cats joining the Clan!!

And then, Fuzz, on his first patrol, before he got a new warrior name, found a kit all alone outside and brought him home. His name is Bubblekit!

Fuzz got the name Toadclaw!

Toadclaw:

Bubblekit:

Moon 15

Nakeena died of redcough without getting a warrior name. However, she did go to StarClan.

Speckleshine is all better though!

After six moons, Lightningstar has finally admitted to himself that, though he will always love Bloombrook, he needs to be willing to move on. He immediately got a stomach ache over that thought, so clearly the moving on is going well.

Piperkit is now Piperpaw, and being mentored by Lightningstar!

Piperpaw:

Also, a better view of Cliffkit and Puddlekit:

Mosaicspots had her pelt torn by BrightClan. Please, we do not need to be at war with ANOTHER Clan.

Asterscratch found a cat named Hawkflare from another Clan, and brought her back to LightningClan. Unfortunately, she has a broken jaw.

Hawkflare:

Moon 16

HEATHERHEART DID IT!! Speckleshine decided to step down and become and elder, and Lightningstar named Heatherheart his new deputy. She has achieved her goal!

Plus, Bubblekit aged up and became Bubblepaw, apprenticed to Heatherheart (who is REALLY feeling on top of the world right now).

And THEN Heatherheart was on a patrol with Lightningstar, Bubblepaw, Piperpaw, and Asterscratch, and they ran into some rogues, and Heatherheart singlehandedly made the rogues flee. True Heatherheart protagonist moment.

Another patrol met a kittypet named Chance!

Chance:

Bubblepaw:

Moon 17

Lightningstar thinks about retiring?? Dude, you still have 9 lives and you're only 60 moons.

Mosaicspots met a loner named Bug who was skilled with herbs, and who brought her three kits to the Clan: Flutterkit, Jackdawkit, and Jaggedkit. Bug took on the Warrior name, Bugdapple.

Bugdapple:

Flutterkit:

Jackdawkit:

Jaggedkit:

Moon 18

Apparently Piperpaw had a dream from StarClan. There are enough medicine cats at the moment, but Podpelt is keeping an eye on that.

And we adopted ANOTHER ex-kittypet. This one was named Twist, and is now Willowtwist.

Willowtwist:

We're really running a very effective campaign to grow the Clan, which is very exciting for me.

Moon 19

BrightClan took some of our territory! Presumably because we antagonized them but still that's very rude.

Hawkflare is all healed up, though I'm choosing to imagine that her jaw remains misaligned because it was broken before.

Flutterkit is apprenticed by Hawkflare and made Flutterpaw, Jackdawkit is now Jackdawpaw and apprenticed to Willowtwist, and Jaggedkit becomes Jaggedpaw and is apprenticed to Asterscratch.

Oh no, I just realized Jaggedpaw appears to have a significant scar on his paw/leg. I don't think that's what he was named for, as he's a tabby so I think the name probably refers to his pelt, but I do think he may have limited movement in that paw with the old injury.

Cypresstuft attempted to steal prey from BrightClan, but Heatherheart, being an EXCELLENT Deputy (seriously I love her so much) stepped in to stop her.

Splashfern was bitten in a scrap with BearClan along that border.

Hawkflare:

Flutterpaw:

Jackdawpaw:

Jaggedpaw:

Moon 20

Podpelt, one of the medicine cats, slipped and dislocated a shoulder. Though Toadclaw did something similar, so maybe there was some bad frost one morning.

Cliffkit became Cliffpaw, mentored by Cypresstuft (not... the cat I would have ever picked to be a mentor, Lightningstar, but okay sure), and Puddlekit became Puddlepaw, mentored by Fogstripe, her own mother.

When she became an apprentice, Puddlepaw was excited by the prospect of hunting down a rabbit, or possibly a fox. Then, in that excitement on her first day out, she mistook a hare for a rabbit and had her eyes scratched as a result. She is in the medicine den now.

Cliffpaw:

Puddlepaw:

Moon 21

Jackdawpaw gave Bugdapple a poppy, which she now wears proudly

Bubblepaw got his new warrior name: Bubblespalsh. He is now expressing ambitions to become the next deputy.

Bubblesplash:

A patrol met a loner named Habanero

Habanero:

Attempting to get back the land that they stole, Asterscratch died. Heatherheart has taken over Jaggedpaw's mentorship as a result.

Bugdapple got frostbite while looking for herbs.

Moon 22

Piperpaw gets his full warrior name: Piperfur!

Willowtwist has greencough

A patrol met a loner named Grave!

A patrol found Daisy, a cat from outside the Clans, near the Thunderpath with head trauma. She has taken the name Daisypelt, but is being cared for in the medicine den.

[mxbitters]

Ironic of you to use a Suppressive Persons tactic like Shinigami Eyes (created by the rapist Laurelai Bailey, no less) and accuse radical feminists of wanting "to shelter themselves so that they never have to learn anything, never have to escape that comfort zone and never have to really question if maybe there’s something they could be doing better." That's you. You're also not gay as in, you're literally attracted to the opposite sex, just as bioessentialist as your conservative parents.

okay listen first of all, i am not in the mood to get into a massive fucking debate right now because i just got out of my last class and have two late midterm papers and an academic alert to take care of never mind my personal well-being.

that being said, you’re making a ridiculous amount of assumptions here.  

first of all, you need to stop assuming every trans person knows everything about every other trans person.  i use shinigami eyes because it’s the only thing like that that we can rely on.  i don’t know who laurelai bailey is.  i’ve just done some general research and honestly i can’t speak to anything that has happened but the way people are going about talking about it bothers me.  you guys are using whatever’s going on with her as some way to get back at trans people and conflate us into one thing instead of like, actually give any victims the respect they deserve to be given.  and by the looks of it this is an issue that’s been a problem within the trans community so quite frankly if there’s some alternative to shinigami eyes that does the same thing i’d happily start using that, but if there isn’t you can’t get mad at people for using the resource that’s accessible to us when most of us have absolutely no idea who the creator is in the first place.

second, in regard to the comfort zone point i was talking about the concept of intersectionality in feminism.  my future career choice is giving me the room and freedom to really explore a lot of issues related to different perspectives on feminism among other movements in an academic setting and i realize that is a privilege but through this i’ve realized there’s so much room for solidarity between so many different movements in order to achieve goals that will help everyone.  but the thing we need to do is address the preconceived notions we all have about different people and the issues different groups face.  i’m not afraid to say i’ve spent the majority of my life ignorant to a multitude of issues i didn’t face in my own life.  but the only way i’ve been able to change and get better was through taking the time to address those issues and learn.  i say get out of your comfort zone because you terfs seem to close yourself off and exclude communities you don’t understand instead of maybe considering you could learn something.  i’ve read things from radical feminist movements.  but god forbid you read something from a trans movement.  solidarity is such an important thing in getting things done but through forming your entire ideology around the problem being your ideology’s incredibly flawed definition of “men,” you build your movement based around exclusion.  i could say a lot of things about that but i’ll just repeat what i said earlier that it’s saddening.  because that can’t be healthy.  we have groups like that in the trans community and i feel bad for them, too.  what i was saying wasn’t meant to be an attack on you as people, it was me pointing out some serious flaws in a movement that seems to refuse to acknowledge any new ideas.

okay and for your final point where you decide to personally attack me and whatever perception you have of my sexuality.  stop.  i call myself gay and queer because that best describes my sexuality.  i am not exclusively attracted to the opposite sex, i am not your definition of heterosexual because even if i did identify as a woman i am not exclusively attracted to amab people.  in fact, my partner and i are both afab and nonbinary and i couldn’t be happier.  you of all people should know what it feels like to have your sexuality assumed and practically decided for you by some outside force.  you know how terrible that can feel.  to be treated like absolute shit for loving whoever you love, to be told that however you exist is unacceptable, disgusting, even.  that constant erasure and silencing as if you’ve never fucking spoken for yourself in your entire life?  that’s how you treat us every day.  i know i’m not the only trans person you’ve spoken to like this and god i feel for every other person who has had to deal with this shit.  i say i feel bad for you people and you say i’m indoctrinated into some cult and misconstrue something as central to me as my sexuality as yet another “gotcha” moment.  it’s absolutely obscene.

when i made that post i didn’t ask for every terf to show up and declare their opinion on who i am as a person on and offline, i didn’t ask anybody to come on my blog and decide my fucking sexuality for me, or psychoanalyze me based off whatever image you have in your head of my family life, the list just keeps going but the point is i didn’t ask.  we could’ve had a productive conversation but you instead shut it down because i said something you didn’t want to hear.

[polygamoussquamous]

2021 FIC YEAR IN REVIEW

tagged by @asexualdindjarin Thank you so much for thinking of me!!!

number of completed works - 12 including one I finished in 2021 but have yet to post

total word count - 81,572 words

fandoms written in - Mostly The Mandalorian, A couple for the MCU specifically Loki and TFATWS, A couple of Batflash for The Justice League, and one for the CW Flash

did you write more, less, or about what you’d expected? -- OH WAY MORE. 2020 found me depressed consuming fic after fic and maybe writing a one-shot here and there or picking away at years old WIPs.  In 2021 I felt like for the first time in years that fandom truly was a community of friends and one that I was actually a part of instead of just lurking or being on the outside looking in. That inspired me more than anything else. Not only did I write my longest fic ever I wrote things in a day and posted them just for the hell of it, I wrote things for my new friends and I am just so grateful for the sparks they gave me.(Looking at y’all Dincobb Server)

what’s your own favourite story of the year? - Gotta be Breakfast on Tatooine I spent so many hours with it, writing and thinking about the characters, and I put so much of myself into it. It felt like such an achievement to write that.

did you take any writing risks this year? - Heck yeah. I did some AUs which I never really did before, I also wrote some of my first GNC and Trans Characters which I think was hugely because I’ve started to feel more validated in my own identity and I knew people would have a positive response.

do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? - I have a few things I want to finish (and finally start) of course but other than that no goals just vibes.

most popular story of the year? Based on Kudos it was Mortified which was a drabble that only took me an hour or so to write and post but I think that has less to do with me and more to do with the sheer number of hungry Lokius Shippers there were after the first episode. It was followed closely by Scare My Nightmares Away Another short thing that I wrote in the dead of night when I couldn’t sleep but I will say the Batflash Ao3 contingent is small but mighty

story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion - I thought at first that some were underappreciated but I think it was a matter of timing or in some cases that the fandom was just really small and shy. Now that I’ve left some of them and looked back I see that the engagement is steadily rising so sometimes it just takes a while for people to circle back.

most fun story to write - I’m gonna throw a curveball and say Red Rivers Rise This was another I wrote in one sitting based on a few joke titles from the Dincobb Discord Server and it was funny and kooky and also my first time writing an explicitly Trans Male Character

biggest disappointment - I honestly can’t think of a single big disappointment. I’m so proud of me for making it past the funk I was in and becoming a better creator because of it. Any momentary disappointments I had have fallen away.

biggest surprise - My biggest surprise was finding the pairings and fandoms that I did. Before this year I wrote in mainly one fandom and one pairing and it was the same one I had been writing for since 2014. Not only did I find inspiration from other places but like I said before I found welcoming and supportive communities ready to accept me with open arms.

TAGGING: Anyone who wants to! This really helped me put things into perspective and made me proud of myself and grateful so I would highly recommend it.

[elorastory]

Trollhunters: Rise of the Titans--A Conspiracy

Tales of Arcadia/Trollhunters: Rise of the Titans—A Conspiracy

I’m expecting some pushback from this. Yes, it’s my opinion based on my personal understanding of the current state of society and the world. No, it is not intended to be offensive; merely thought-provoking and releasing for me personally.

Preface: Tales of Arcadia is still one of my very favorite shows ever. SO much good came from its existence. Nothing, not even a less-than-satisfactory ending, can take away what this series contributed to my journey.

Trigger warnings (yes, my rant has trigger-warnings): this post confronts the possibility of malevolent agendas and secret societies for which Netflix and Hollywood and Disney could be mouthpieces/mediums for mass brain-washing. This post also mentions transgender/gender-queer/gender-dysphoria in a neutral way (does not diss, but mentions possibility of using its acceptance for sterilization purposes), so lovely sensitive beautiful souls, please be prepared. Alludes to but does not outright mention Netflix’s “Cuties” documentary. Harsh and vulgar language ahead. Scattered and incomplete thoughts galore. Read between the lines and do your own research (if you still can in today’s cancel-culture).

The creators of Tales of Arcadia set out to revolutionize animation and push graphics to their limit. Congratulations to them. They absolutely, indisputably achieved their goal (seriously, guys—GORGEOUS visuals).

Unfortunately, instead of applying their passion and talent toward telling beautiful stories with empowering morals to children (the show’s target audience), the creators chose to “step back” and permit the existence of Rise of the Titans (from which the original writers are a little too quick to distance themselves, in my opinion).

It began with Jim’s INCREDIBLY disappointing transformation at the end of Trollhunters, season three. His metamorphosis recanted the show’s original moral of “you, a human, have everything you need inside of you to conquer your greatest fears and darkest demons BECAUSE you are human,” and instead, taught us we do not; we require intervention and enhancement to be worthy.

At first, I didn’t pay too much credence to the idea that this creative choice could have been tied to a trans-humanist agenda (or even a push for mass-acceptance of surgical/hormonal alterations for transgender/gender-dysphoria); however, after watching RotT, I’m drowning in paranoia.

Steve getting pregnant and giving birth on screen was positively treacherous. I am DAMN PROUD of our fandom’s overwhelming pushback against this particular aspect of RotT and I want all of you speaking out to know that you are the REAL Trollhunters here.

Not only is he HOW old (Aaron had enough foresight to make a comment on Twitter a few weeks ago that magically absolved the characters underage status and the writers of their responsibility—how convenient for them), but it’s not like the adults DON’T know (or, at least, suspect) what this concept (probably) parallels in reality.

It’s important to note, ToA as a fandom has expressed a high need for LGBTQ+ space and acceptance (and I am among the individuals requesting this need be met). I believe the creators included enough subtext for the audience to reasonably conclude that Steve is, more than likely, a bisexual himbo, especially for Eli (whom I hoped would come back from A5 a total babe and make Steve question everything he ever thought he knew about himself—especially when Aja (in my opinion) should have realized she had too much responsibility as Queen of a PLANET to maintain a healthy long-long-distance relationship with a boyfriend like STEVE). But the writers just jumped from the lesbian-end-of-the-world-last-chance-first-kiss in 3Below to “boys can have babies, too.”

MAYBE, in today’s political climate, it would have been prudent to save the mPreg for fanfiction (a safe space to process fantasies and triggers alike)—unless, of course, the writers WANTED to plant those seeds in the minds of their intended audience? (I know, rich coming from the chick who writes the Jamie/Blinky fanfic—I promise, it has meaning beyond the nasty.)

As a mother, this was my very biggest complaint about the finale. My children watch this show with me. Of course, after seeing Steve squirt blue all over Eli, my autistic daughter asks, “Can boys have babies, Mommy?”

Warning: Vicious, Accusatory, Conspiracy-Theory-Laden Rant Ahead

*middle fingers galore* Fuck you and your child-sexualizing/human-sterilization agenda, Netflix. Do I want to have to have the transgender talk with my malleable kids right now? Fuck no, I don’t. I do not think it’s bad to be transgender or queer. Y’all will always get love from me and will always be treated the way YOU want to be treated. I do think there’s a rise in rates of transgender/queer individuals because it’s getting a lot of attention and it makes doctors a lot of money, so there are a lot of vulnerable people being taken advantage of right now (especially kids--imagine how the spectrum ones are gonna sponge this shit). I do not want that for my children. I want them to have a comprehensive and complete understanding of all the forces affecting their relationship with their bodies and minds before they decide during puberty (a notoriously uncomfortable and confusing time of life) to chop off body parts and mess with hormones (and, by proxy, mental functioning). My children are not old enough to fully comprehend the shift occurring in our society right now, let alone WHY it’s even happening or what it means for them (how convenient for the proponents of depopulation by self-sterilization).

And on the subject of such agendas… Blinky. What were they thinking using him as a mouthpiece for ANY human-hating philosophy? When he stated outright that wiping the planet of humanity was SAVING the earth, I about shit a brick. HE LOVES ALL THINGS HUMAN! He’s supposed to be FASCINATED by them! He LIVED as one! He considers Jim his son! Not only was this the WORST example of the movie’s complete inability to maintain his character (besides MISSING A PAGE IN THE BOOK, being SCARED of FLYING (yeahfuckingright), and NOT reading horoscopes (bitch, please, of course Trolls read horoscopes—it’s cosmic feng-shui with giant space-rocks)), but he’s a CONSPIRACY THEORIST! He’d be SO onto this bullshit.

Wrapping up the agenda-pushing shenanigans: “For the good of all???”Are you KIDDING ME?! The four most dangerous words in history are, “For the greater good” (followed closely by “this time it’s different”), and y’all are just gonna rephrase it and use it to convince us that anyone fighting for the “greater good” is obviously the GOOD GUY? Of course, Jim IS the good guy and has the benefit of our loyal viewership and support, but acclimating the younger audience to this phrase, to the very concept that there is a “one size fits all” sort of “good” is dangerous and manipulative. What happens when “the greater good” isn’t good for you? Are you gonna be able to fight back and be heard?

Am I reading too much into this? Maybe. Is this my way of processing the steaming pile of propaganda my favorite show became without needed to re-watch RotT to leave a more comprehensive review? Probably. If I get cancelled for this post, am I gonna know I’m right? Absolutely.

If you made it this far, thanks for indulging me in my spazzy rant. As always, I am curious to hear your thoughts.

 Yours,

Elora Story

[siberlius]

buddhist symbolism in csm

context

core ideas relevant to this topic

key parallels to chainsaw man

future of the plot

(1) context:

in japan, buddhism is one of the major religions besides shinto. japanese media tend to dress some of these ideas in christian/catholic imagery (see evangelion), which is pretty funny actually. the religious parallels may or may not be intended by fujimoto, but i think it’s worth considering it because the potential implications are quite compelling

japanese buddhism is generally considered to be under a major branch of buddhism called mahayana buddhism. i am more familiar with chinese buddhism, which is also under the same branch. there are similarities especially to the core ideas (which are what i will reference for this post), but do note that my analysis will be limited by the fact japanese buddhism has their own specialities, nuances. 

buddhism is pretty complex due to the amount of texts and cultures that have shaped its interpretation and honestly, i feel like the ideas i have discussed may be misleading due to how i simplified and interpreted things

(2) some core ideas (relevant to this topic):

all beings are stuck in a cycle of death and rebirth, also known as samsara 

being stuck in samsara is the source of our suffering (which is why samsara is also called the wheel of suffering)

by reaching nirvana, we can escape from samsara and become liberated from all suffering. 

did i say all ‘beings’? that’s right! there’s six realms of rebirth, though i think it’s more accurate to refer to it as “class of beings you can be reborn as”. which realm you get reborn in depends on your past karma. there’s the good/fortunate realms (gods, demi-gods, humans), and the bad/unfortunate realms (animals, ghosts, beings in hell). usually, the more positive your karma, the better realms you get reborn in. yet, karma is also the fuel to samsara. karma, at its core, are actions (in buddhism, cause AND effect) motivated by desire and ignorance (no matter good or bad), and these desires and ignorance perpetuate samsara. 

the concept of hell and heaven here is a little bit tricky, because they are all ‘trapped’ in this cycle of samsara. heaven and hell are not final. your death is not final. the buddhism concept of impermanence applies here in samsara. thus, the ‘best’ realm to be reborn in is to be reborn as humans, as being human gives you the motivation to try to break free from samsara, to be free from your suffering. as a human, you aren’t too complacent from the pleasures (say, like the gods in the “highest” tiered realm), and you aren’t too tortured in hell or being hunted down like the lower tiered realms. 

to reach nirvana is to be free from desires and ignorance, and thus liberated from suffering. nirvana is the finale. nirvana is constancy. a lot of people think of nirvana like a form of paradise - a bit like the idea of heaven - but i don’t think it’s consistent with the idea of becoming free from desires. your personality, the layman concept of your self, is driven by karma. by liberating yourself from this, you become something some academics refer to as a ‘non-self’. in fact there are interpretations that think that nirvana is becoming samsara - you transcend to something beyond existential. in either ways, you no longer exist in the material world. in practice, most buddhists don’t aspire to achieve nirvana, unless you have decided to become a monk. your goals (reach nirvana, or get good karma) are guided by buddha, the ultimate teacher (remember, there is no omnipotent, omnipresent, ultimate ‘being’ in buddhism. you have teachers who guide you to spiritual freedom, which is a state, not a being). thus, most simply wish to gain enough good karma (by doing good deeds) and become reborn in a better realm. 

here, mahayana buddhism is unique because they believe in the concept of bodhisattvas. bodhisattvas are beings who have reached enlightenment, but chose to stay in samsara out of compassion to help others achieve nirvana. but the reason why bodhisattvas like guanyin or kannon (in japan) are so popular is because of their kindness in helping the layman and the layman’s needs, alleviating suffering of the regular people not just the grands acts of salvation. guanyin arguably is the most important and famous bodhisattva in east asian buddhism to the point that she’s known as the goddess of mercy, representing buddhist compassion itself.

(3) key parallels to chainsaw man

by now, the parallels should be pretty clear:

the cycle of death and rebirth of devils

the devils in csm are clear parallels to the demi-gods. the demi-gods are powerful beings but aren’t necessarily good or evil. in many stories they are evil, but they are generally known for their addiction to passions and desires (like the seven sins). (i think primal fear devils could be considered a god.) all beings (even gods and demi-gods) in buddhism are subject to karma. while gods can live a long time, they are not immortal, and the main reason why gods can’t escape samsara is due to their attachment to their fortunes to the point they don’t really care about escaping samsara. the fact that devils are personifications of fears is pretty consistent with the symbolic representations of deities (gods/demigods) in buddhist stories. deities aren’t just symbolic - they are personalities subjected to the laws of karma. also all realms can interact with one another. 

finally, mr chainsaw man himself. a warped blend of a demi-god and a bodhisattva-like powers except with chainsaws and gobbling. chainsaw man saves both preys and predators by erasing devils from existence altogether. 

at first glance, makima’s is almost like the twisted version of guanyin. makima looks kind, is super powerful and almost omnipotent (guanyin was so devoted to the cause of saving everyone from samsara that she split to 11 heads and a thousand arms to reach out to those in aid), and most importantly, she actively pursues the goal of ‘saving’ people. 

interestingly, guanyin originates from Avalokitasvara, which means “sound perceiver” or “he who looks down upon sound" (i.e., the cries of sentient beings who need his help)” - sounds familiar?

my real point: makima and chainsaw man are narrative foils on what the role of a bodhisattva, or specifically, guanyin/kannon should be. makima resembles superficially, but chainsaw man is the substance.

Avalokitasvara, depending on cultures, may be portrayed as male and female, though their past life is consistently male. in china and japan, guanyin/kannon are portrayed expressly female, because she chose her gender to suit their causes (society equates compassion and mercy as feminine traits) in this essay i will explain why chainsaw man and makima are trans-

(4) future of the plot

I... actually didn’t think that much about it since personally it feels like csm is ending BUT as of now:

chainsaw man rising to a true bodhisattva as his character plot. you may be wondering - how can a bodhisattva be compassionate if they have let go of their desires? the thing is, love as a desire is specifically attaching yourself to something to achieve safety and belonging. BUT love in terms of buddhist compassion is about openness and fearlessness. again, my point on how makima and chainsaw man are narrative foils! 

makima’s goal. is it to save humanity? or to trap them in their own desires and ignorance?

csm’s concept of nirvana - what is nirvana? what is the final end? 

potentially (world building wise) - interpretations of other realms and beings?

that’s all i have for now!

[shy-lee-chu]

:Reaction:

BTS Discovering That

You Are Ticklish~

Side note: Contains NSFW'ish themes, and mentions of sex. If this kink isn't your thing than feel free to stop reading. Don't forget, my inbox is open for requests~ and please reblog and give me feedbacks so I can improve myself~ love you💙 -Chu

And oh, I was just about to forget..! This reaction is for @anon-giggles , she says she loves my work and so I love hers too. Don't forget to check out her fanfics too, they are quite good I think~ thanks for reading 💙💙💙

Namjoon:

You two were reading your books at your shared bedroom like the nerd couple you were, and you've been reading for almost an hour so namjoon got bored but you were so focused on the chapter you were currently on, you really wanted to know how your book ended and you almost looked like you were in a trans. He stared at you and smiled to himself about how cute you looked. Suddently, he wanted you closer to him so he stood up and laid next to you in the bed, he tried to swoop his arms around your back but you were focused on your story so much that his feather-like fingers catched you off guard and before you even try to supress your giggles building up in your throat, a silly smile was all over your face and your breath hitched without you even realize. You didn't want him to understand that you were ticklish. You tried to hide this information desperately since you started to date. Because you have withnessed him tickling almost all of the members to death a lot before and the idea of him using this playful torture method on you as well, made your blood run cold. Unluckily he noticed the slight change on your mimics, he smirked to himself when he watched your lips shape into a supressed little smile, it was too late for you to hide it from him... He cocked his head to the side and asked mischeviously:

"Sweetheart, is everything okay?"

You tried not to lose your temper about it and answered as cool as possible, you still had a little hope that you could get away from him without being tickled but... You were wrong.

"Yeah joonie, why are you asking?"

You tried to supress your smile by biting on your cheek and you did your best to keep reading that book of yours but your mind couldn't seem to focus on words anymore. You were too nervous and you waited for his next move.

"Oh nothing, you just seemed a little bit giggly all of a sudden"

"I am n-not giggly, w-why would I be giggly namjoon?"

You tried to sound serious but you felt your voice shake and stutter. He chuckled with a deep voice than you felt his index finger, drawing a little, tiny, baby circle on your bare side under the shirt -oh- so slowly, you couldn't help the little giggle out this time. You cursed yourself mentally and blushed for that.

"Oh? What was that? Is somebody.... Hmm how do I say it?... A little... Ticklish?"

This words made you drop the book and look into his mischevious eyes. You could read what was on your mind from his eyes, you understood that this was the end of the road, goodbye world, goodbye friends...

"Namjoon, p-please."

You tried to beg but , he quickly marked the page you were on and turned you around, so you were on your back now. Than he straddled you and pinned your arms above your head pretty quick. He was strong you could feel it from how he grabbed your wrists. He really wanted to tickle you, he was so happy that he discovered that you were actually ticklish. Now it was time for him to have some fun.

"We've been dating for almost two years! How dare you hide something like this from me? Ah I am so disappointed jagi~"

He mocked and spidered his fingers all over your tummy, making you squeak and pour cute giggles out of your mouth. It tickled a lot more than you've expected.

"Nahahahamjohohooniehehahahahaha! Wahahait nohohohahhahaha!!!"

You squirmed from left to right and tried to get away from his evil fingers but, haha! You failed every single time miserably. Namjoon was just hovering above you and smirking to your desperate reactions. It made him feel so powerful to watch you squirm and try to get away. You looked so innocent, and so ticklish~

"You know how much I enjoy tickling baby ! Why did you hide this from me? Well you know what? Actually whatever.... you are going to get what you deserve now as a PUNISHMENT!"

"Well... j-johohonie this is why I tried to hide w-WAIT NO P-PLEASE I BEG YOU!!- "

He than went crasy over your midsection, scratching your underarms, poking your sides and ribs and sometimes kneading the area... having quite fun since your reactions were so amusing to him.

"Tickle tickle tickle, my pretty, helpless, ticklish baby~!"

"JOONIEAHAHAHA! STOHPAHAHAH~ PL-AHAHAHAHAH PLEAH-HAHAHAH!!"

"Stop? But baby we just started~ "

you tried to form sentences and plead but you could barely breathe from how bad it tickled all you could do was stomp your feet wildy on the bed and arch your back. He was cooing at you with a deep voice, his teases were wrecking you alone by itself. You squirming wildly and arching your back only lead you back to the bed and your cute torture continued over 20 minutes, he was mean but playfull at the same time, he leaned down and started to plant butterfly kisses all over your ribs, he also nibbled your ribs.

"Mmm~ you are so delicious. I never knew that ticklish people have tasty ribs~"

He than decided to take things to another level and lean down to blow a deepsarpberry at your belly button, he nuzzled his face there as he did so, letting his hair dance on the sensitive skin back and fourth, his free hand went up to your armpit and gave no mercy, he scribbled away randomly and that was when tears started to roll down your cheeks because of how hard you were laughing and your laughter went silent. He quickly understand you needed air and stopped. Massaged you to get rid of the ghost tickles...

"Well well well... You were ticklish huh? Why have I never noticed that before? Oh and by the way don't think you are in the clear yet honey! I am not anything near done with you yet!!"

He said cockily, smirking at you. You rolled your eyes but than smiled back when he wrapped his arms around you and hugged you this time. You couldn't hate him no matter what. And you two fell asleep in eachother's embrace.

Seokjin:

You were playfully wrestling with him. Actually it was more like you've jumped on his back and started to yell like a madman. He just laughed at how childish you were and spinned you around. You giggled cutely at first because it was one of your favourite activities, being childish with your boyfriend.

"SEHEHEOKJIN PUHUHUT ME DOHOHOWN!"

"NO, YOU STARTED THIS! NOW YOU HAVE TO STAY THERE AND SPIN FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"

You two yelled back and fourth playfully. But than you started to feel dizzy because he had been spinning you around a little too fast~ you patted his back, signing him to stop. You weren't really feeling good.

"B-BABY I AM G-GOING TO TH-THROW UP STOOPP!!!"

He slowed down and waited for you to calm down on his wide shoulders he was still smiling at you but he was also worried on the inside.

"You alright jagi?"

"Yes , I mean... I guess am much better now... Thank you..."

You jumped down from him and shook your head from side to side.

"Geez... That was seriously so crasy~"

He smiled to you and tried to pick you up once again in his arms but he tried to lift you up from your armpits. It tickled a little and you jumped away from him. Your reaction suprized him very much but soon that suprized expression turned into a little smirk and you could see his hands shaping into little, teasy claws. To be honest, you didn't need to be told twice and started to run as fast as you can. Anywhere away from him. He started to run after you. So the chase started... You both ran around the house untill you two were out of breath. You legs couldn't carry you anymore so you collapsed on the floor. Jin had a little more stamina, he approached you slowly, he was also tired but that didn't stop him from achieveing his goal; "tickling you"! He giggled at you on the floor and started to drag you to the nearby couch, pulling you from your ankles. You and him were still panting so you didn't fight but.... You didn't want to be tickled as well. You panicked. Your flustered face made him smirk and chuckle at you, who's on the floor.

"Wh-where are you dragging me? L-let me go, please!"

You tried to grab the furniture on your way but your hands slipped due to the tiredness. And jin didn't say a word he just dragged you on the floor and finally he sat on a couch, your back was still on the floor than he took your feet in his lap and locked them between his thigs, his feet were on your tummy, slightly pushing to keep your back on the ground.

"Y-you don't have to do this Seokjinie~ Please let me goho!"

You pleaded with puppy eyes, you were so ticklish and the anticipation made it even worse.

"No no no jagi, I ran all around the house. Just to tickle you ! And I am not going to let you go unless I am satisfied !"

He talked to you and smirked calmy, you made eye contact and shook your head as "no" but he wiggled his fingers right above your feet. Than without a warning , he lightly scribbled on one of your feet to seek reaction, you curled your toes and laughed loud, you didn't expect to laugh this much from such light tickling. You closed your mouth with both hands and this made him smirk even wider. Oh boi... You were dead now...

"NOHOHO J-Jinie pleahahahse dohohon't"

You squirmed but no avail, his slender fingers had already started their assault on you vunerable and ticklish area tickling up and down, he show you no mercy, scribbling your both feet at a goddamn speed and using his manicured nails as well, you'd swear you were losing your mind little by little by every second. Nothing was working, curling your toes, kicking your feet. Squirming your soles away from him, his fingers followed them no matter what you do.

"NOHOHOAHAHAHAHA PLEAHAHAHASE NOHOHOT THEHEHEHERE PLEAHAHA!"

"Yes there! It makes you laugh so much... Hmm, you know what?... Wait... What if I-..."

"NOHOHAHAHAHAHA GOHOHOHOD STAHAHAHAP STAHAHAHA-!"

You went hysterics because he decided to attack your poor toes and under them by pulling them back with his only one damn hand, thanks to it's size he firmly kept them in place and made you cry out with pure ticklish agony. Your laughter became bubbly and you were hiccuping while you laugh and he was enjoying his torture so much as you could tell from his laughter and the silly smile stuck on his face. He let you go but not before he made sure that you couldn't take even a single stroke anymore. He even used his toes to tickle your tummy and it provided him a good reaction out of you, you howled with laughter..

It all was a little too much, but you both seem to enjoy it even if it was mean.

"M-meheheanie~"

You pouted. You were still giggling due to the ghost tickles on your feet.

"Ah, sorry jagi... You were so cute, I got carried away haha~"

He decided to pick you up and place you on his lap, turned the tv on to watch a movie togeather after your tickle marathon, he caressed and played with your hair untill you were quick asleep on his lap. He smiled softly at you and kissed your forhead. Blushed a little as you giggled in your sleep...

Yoongi:

You both were so tired after a long week of work and finally you had some free time to be lazy on the shared bed of yours togeather, it was almost noon but you two didn't seem to get out of the bed yet. You loved sleeping and so did yoongi but you two needed to get up somehow, yoongi was the first one who opened his eyes and turned around to see your sleepy face, he giggled to himself and shook you to wake you up.

"Baby, it's almost noon, we're missing the day come on. We need to wake up"

He shaked you sleepily but you groaned and turned around, your butt was facing him now. That made yoongi a little annoyed but you were too cute so he giggled at your half sleepy half angry state.

"Come on Y/N-ah! You can't sleep for eternity!"

He didn't know what he was about to withness when he poked your back but his pouty face turned into a deadly smirk when you giggled a little in your sleep.

"Oh, so we are ticklish huh? I see... I think I know how do I wake you up now..."

He talked to himself before pushing you on the bed and sitting on your butt, than he pinned your arms under his legs, he wiggled his fingers and cracked his knuckles loudly when he finished rolling your shirt up to expose your back, his soft fingertips wasted no time with gently tickling your shoulderblades, he traced the word "Ticklish" over and over to the both sides, earning sleepy chuckles from you. That made him smile as a start. He was really gentle with tickles and they were comforting at the same time for now but things were about to go south for you....

"You are so sensitive baby girl, how the hell I didn't notice this before?"

He said with his deep, sleepy voice.

He kept tickling gently down your spine, his soft hands made you feel like there were more than just his hands tickling you. You started to squirm and wake up little by little and you realized that he was on top of you and you had no way out. You cursed yourself for not waking up in the first place and your laughter started to get louder and more shrill as he made his was down to your lower back

"AHAHAHAHISH! YOHOHONGIHIHIHI STOHOHOP! NAHAHAHAT THEHEHERE!"

you squirmed and screamed as you feel his nails teasing your sides from the back but not touching your lower back yet. He noticed that you get more ticklish on the way down your spine and he wanted to save the best for the last. So he just teased your sides and ribs , going up and down and keeping you on your toes but not killing you... At least yet...

"Hmm so, you get more ticklish all the way down here."

He gently trailed his finger down your spine and pulling right before it touches the lower back, earning a loud, flustered squeal from you. The fact that he was able to read your body language like a book made you gulp and get more flustered if that is even possible.

"That is really fun actually you know? You can't even get out, all you can do is flailing like a fish out of water~ I guess I am going to use this weakness of yours in the future a lot~"

He smirked and than stopped teasing, there was a quick silence than he scrathed and spidered his fingers all across your lower back this time, pretty determined to make you cry and scream with laughter. You stomped your feet and tried to stop him with pleads and apologies but nothing seemed to be working.

"YOHOHOHONGIEHAHAHA- STAHAHAHAP PLEAHAHAHA I AHAHAM I-AHAHAHA SOHOHORRY!! SOHOHOHORRY! PLEAHAHAHASE~ NAHAAHAHA!!!"

You laughed hystericly and your head kept shaking from side to side and you couldn't even control your laughter anymore, he sneaked his fingers to your sides and armpits from the back and chuckled darkly as you tried to escape him non-stop... He could torture you without effort, it was fun... really fun. He was sure for one thing now, you were awake. He went on and on with his sweet torture for some time which felt like thousand years to you, he wanted to finish this tickle session strong so he bent down and blew raspberries on your back and his hands squeezed your sides and ribs, letting your hands go but you were laughing way too intense to move even a single finger as he did so, you were out of breath and crying with laughter once he was done with you. He gave you some time to breathe properly again than jumped out of the bed and also picked you up.

" That was fun, but now let's have a shover together kitten~"

An exhausted smile appeared on your lips and you wrapped your arms around his neck, unable to stop blushing while he carried you to the bathroom.

Hoseok:

He decided to take you out on one of your usual date nights, those nights where you watch a movie togeather and maybe go to a luxury restaurant. He loved spoiling you and showing you affection by those simple nights and you loved it too.

Now you two were out of the cinema, his arms wrapped around your waist, you two were giggling and hugging occasionally like cheesy teenage couples. People passing by laughed and smiled at you two, you were looking so happy yet so silly. You than headed to the restaurant, it was kind of a ritual. You've always went to the same restaurant and sat down at the same place, this time was no different.

"Hey jagi, come here sit please~"

He said in a low tone while pulling your chair back for you to sit, you sat down still giggling at him and he happily pushed the chair back to it's place. He was so funny and he always found a way to make you smile and laugh, he was really a sunshine. Finally he sat down across you and you ordered your dishes. He held your hand and smiled to himself , thinking that he loved every single bit of you and he couldn't wait to find out more about you and get to know you more. He didn't know that he was going to discover something that was going to cheer you up both it the future and he could use as a weapon against you. So the food came and you started eating. You chatted as you ate but than he unconsciously touched your thigs under the table. You bit your lip and tried not to giggle but unluckily he noticed the slight change of your behaviour, he cocked his head to the side and sneakily squeezed your thigh, you squeaked and jumped in your seat than covered your mouth with both hands and he chuckled, feeling powerful over you. And a little mischevious.

"Tsk tsk tsk jagi... You are squeaking like a toy! How emberassing! Ah~ we don't want the other customers to hear you squeaking and giggling do we? Sshhh jagi you must keep quiet!"

"H-hohohobihihihi hahaha ! Nohohahhaha! Pleahahase, I cahahant!! STAHAHAHhahahaha"

He wishpered a tease and kept spidering his fingers up and down your thigs, making you unble to control your laughter and squirm in your seat cutely. He continued and stopped after the other customers really started to watch you this time. He winked at you and turned all of his attention to his food. He was really happy that you were ticklish, he would never ever stop tickling you, he thought to himself.

"So you are extremely ticklish hm? That information is going to come handy in future. And what I mean by future is...."

He looked at his watch and hummed.

"Probably 2 hours later~ I would prepare myself if I were you beautiful~"

He was talking in a low, teasing tone that made shivers go down your spine. You rolled your eyes and tried not to lose your temper about it but even swallowing your food was too hard for you now. But than finally the atmosphere soon warmed and you talked about your day again, it made you forget what happened five minutes ago but he was planning what he was going to do to you when you arrive home in his head. He just made you forget by talking, he was planning to catch you off guard. Soon you two finished eating and you thanked him for the meal. He held your hand like the gentleman he is and you two togeather walked to his car and he drove you two home. You entered the house and once you put down your stuff and hanged your coat you felt a couple of hands resting on your shoulders and a warm breath right next to your ear, he growled.

"I guess, I have an unfinished business with you young lady hm~?"

You gulped and turned around. You stared into his eyes with a tint of pink across your cheeks.

"H-hoseok please n-not that anything but that!"

He chuckled at you.

"...."

"....."

Than after a couple seconds of staring you started to run around the house like a madman, you never ran faster before. He was chasing you but actually he was letting you go on purpose, he wanted you to be exhausted so you couldn't fight back when his hands were finally on you.

He cornered you in your bedroom after a long chase and you were just pleading non-stop to be set free, he approached you with claw hands closer and closer, you were alredy giggling before he even touched you.

"Hohohobihihihi plehahahase!"

He shook his head from side to side

"There is no escape from me and my evil , tickling fingers I want you squirming and laughing under me RAWR!"

he jumped on you and tackled you to the bed, he immediately began squeezing your thigs and you squealed as a start than dissolved into ticklish laughter, you were so tired but still were squirming madly, you seriously hated being this ticklish. It could get you weak in seconds.

"Aww what's wrong jagi? Are you too ticklish to take it? You can't handle it? Adorable!"

He was also laughing at you as he tickled, you tried to grab his hands but he was much stronger and you just decided to hit him with everything you can, tears started to form in the corner of your eyes and he noticed that, he pulled your hands down and pinned them under him and smirked at you

"Ah and you are hitting your boyfriend now! How rude!"

He said and now he focused on your hips and thigs at the same time. He tickled your inner thigs , he squeezed them and went up to your hips again, brushing his fingertips lighlty to make you cry and howl with laughter , this went on and on and by the end of the night, you were panting like a dog with the most red cheeks on the entire planet. He smiled and let your hands go , than hovered above you again.

"I don't know about you jagi but you look even more beautiful when you are tickled and exhausted, I need to do this more often~"

He wishpered and chuckled, than kissed you. He kissed you slowly and passionately. No need to say that you guys ended it steamy that night.

Jimin:

Jimin and you were cooking in the kitchen, the room was filled with the smell of delicious food, you had some ramen with some steak and it was a hard work to cook all of those togeather, you were running around the kitchen and trying to be all quick, jimin was also having trouble not burning the steak and preparing vegeatbles at the same time. But you guys were having fun and you enjoyed doing something togeather once a while.

"Baby! Pass the salt! Jiminie!!"

You yelled and he nodded passing you the salt without even looking at you. You took the salt and sprinked it on top of some egg. Another side dish that you've wanted to eat along with the ramen.

"Y/N , baby I need the salt now, pass it quick!"

He reached out and made grabby hands but.. he reched for your side and squeezed it gently as an accident instead of reaching for your hand and you jumped to the other side and fell on the floor, his action caught you off guard.

"H-hehey! Th-that's not salt!"

You whined and couldn't help the tiny giggles escaping your mouth before you could even close it. He stopped for a second, your cute giggles were amusing to him. He smirked and giggled to himself that he found out one of your weaknesses and this one was a huge weakness of yours he could tell~ he chuckled but didn't stop looking at the steak he was cooking.

"What was that jagi? Did I just hear you... Laugh? "

He suddently changed his voice into a deeper one and almost purred as he spoke and teased. You blushed madly and didn't say a word, you were focused on the ramen and the other side dishes but you were dying inside, you tried so hard not to giggle when he was tracing your back and tummy when you were watching movies togeather or you bit your lip every time he caressed your side in public and you pushed his hands away slowly, not to arouse suspicion when he was massaging your thigs in a ticklish way . But now your ultimate weakness was exposed and you felt your hearbeat racing, and you'd swear he could feel it too.

"What's wrong jagi? Did cat get your tongue? Why are you so quiet all of a sudden?"

You stuttered and tried to talk back for the first time.

"I a-am tring to make this r-ramen more delicious b-baby I am busy. Sorry I didn't h-hear what you said c-can you repeat it?"

You mumbled but the food was ready, he knew it, you knew it... You didn't have any excuses left to escape. He smirked and turned the oven off and turned his attention to you and your deadly ticklish body, his new discovery made him lick his lips in hunger. Just the thought of the laughter and the giggles he will earn from you with the simplest , feathery touch of his fingers.... Ahh man, he was dying just to pin you down and wreck you as he pleases. And so... He took teasing steps towards you, turned you around and pushed your back on the kitchen counter, of course there were no food behind you, and pinned your arms over your head.

"I believe that my ears heard a little laughter as you "passed" me the salt am I right Y/N?"

He giggled and used his free hand to turn your chin towards himself.

"N-no jimin w-wait , what are you doing?"

"One simple question jagi... Are you... Ticklish?"

He teasingly walked two fingers from your hips to your sides and all the way up to your armpits. His eyes were sparkling with excitement as your tiny body squirmed and ticklish laughter poured out helplessly, you had no choice but laugh for him, you were trapped!

"N-Nhahahaha I ahaham nohot! Y-you are wa-wahahahasting your time"

You tried to lie but obviously he wasn't buying it.

"Tsk tsk tsk... What a bad liar! How dare you lie to me! I have to punish you and teach you a lesson about lieing to your boyfriend now~"

He darkly chuckled and you felt his fingers getting under your shirt and slowly stroking your navel and sides.

"wh-WHAHAHAT AHAHAhahabohout ThehehHEHE FOHOHOOD?!"

"I guess... It can wait a little as we have some fun..."

With that being said he went full on spidering, poking and prodding your tummy, slowly moving up to your ribs and armpits and searching for weakspots but luckily, your sensitive body never failed to amaze him, you were cackling wherever and whenever he touched, you were so so sensitive and it was so much fun to torture you... At least to him.

"Aish, what a ticklish baby under me! Too bad that you have no strenght to escape or stop me right? You just can lay there and laugh! That's really adorable! Tickle tickle, laugh and suffer my sensitive pray!"

He teased so mean and lowered his head, suddently there were raspberries placed strongly on your belly and bellybutton as his free hand scratched your hollows, switching from side to side mercilessly

"Actually this would be a good way to make you laugh when you are grupmy~ what do you think Y/N hm~?"

He was teasing meanly knowing that you were too weak to answer and you focused on laughing, he was half smiling half smirking at you, your reactions and your suffering body were priceless. He stopped right before you were about to pass out from his skilled fingers, he than picked you up and took you to the couch to snuggle, he just hugged you tight and your tired body happily accepted it, you feel your eyes closing up.

"J-jimin, food..."

You mumbled sleepily and he kissed your forehead and patted your hair.

"It can wait jagi, you need a good rest. I almost tickled you to death and I am so sorry my love"

He wishpered and giggled quietly than rubbed your back to help you sleep a little, he waited and also took a quick nap himself as you slept and you two ate the things you cooked after you woke up, but since than it was a must for you to be tickled every day even just for two seconds.

Taehyung:

It all started when jungkook took Taehyung's soda and drank it all himself. Taehyung got mad at him and pinned him down with a rush and started to tickle him out of his mind, everbody knew that jungkook was incredibly sensitive so it wasn't hard for Taehyung to make him go hysterics. He was so mean and he teased the poor maknae mercilessly, making him regret laying his hands on Taehyung's soda in the first place.

"WAHAHAHAHAHA HYUHUHUHUNGIHIHIE! SAHAHHAAHARRY I AHAHAHAM SOHAHAHAHARRY PWEAHAHASE!"

"Is our maknae too ticklish to take it? Aww too bad! What a better way to teach you not drink my drinks again~ Tickle tickle tickle poor kookie, there is no escape for you!"

Jungkook squirmed under Taehyung and howled with shrill laughter, the scene was so cute for everyone. Everyone was smiling from ear to ear, except one person... Except you... You were flustered beyong belief, the maknae's suffering and his useless attempts of escaping the evil , slender fingers made you blush and feel sorry for him. Seeing him being ticklish like this also made you feel ticklish in a way that you don't know. You had to bite your lips to suppress ticklish giggles that your butterflies caused in your tummy, you were hugging yourself and watching jungkook with a flustered expression and your boyfriend was having too much fun making the younger male suffer under his skilled hands, being the oldest among 3 siblings, Taehyung was highly experienced about tickling and he mastered the art of tickling anyone to death. Bangtan knew it and they always avoided getting in tickle fights with him. They all were at least once being tickled by his cruel fingers and you could tell from their faces that they all know very well how much it tickles the maknae as they coo at him, some of the members ,such as hoseok and jimin, had a sour expession , they felt pity for jungkook. The rest were enjoying themselves so much, they were smiling and giggling ear to ear and some of the members helped taehyung tease jungkook further. Almost everyone seemed to be having fun, but you and your butterflies and your flushed cheeks were stopping you from enjoying the scene, you couldn't help yourself imagining how bad those slender fingers would feel on your body, you were sentive, maybe a bit too sensitive for this. Soon you needed some fresh air to calm yourself down and you quietly sneaked into the bathroom. You washed your face and stared at yourself in the mirror for some time, than you started to mumble about the things that just happened.

"Did h-he really have to tickle him in front of everyone? Oh my GOD, he gave him no mercy!! What if he finds out that I am ticklish as well? NOO I am taking this secret to my grave! AHHH WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? WHY AM I EVEN BLUSHING?"

you were lost in your thoughts but you didn't know something, Taehyung had been watching your every single reaction before you left, he tortured the maknae so long on purpose. He noticed that something was wrong with you when he heard a tiny squeak, he raised his head up and saw you hugging yourself and blushing. He avoided eye contact but kept torturing the maknae, watching you from the corner of his eye. He smirked to himself and watched you crumble into flustered pieces whenever he made him laugh with ticklish agony, you were so much fun to play with. He continued untill you got out of the room, and he stopped as well when you went to the bathroom. Poor jungkook was about to pass out from laughing so hard without breathing properly.

"N-nohoho mohohore! I cahahan't tahahake it anymohore!Ahh I can feel my abs appearing now"

"Let this be a lesson kookie, Don't mess with your hyung's soda or else you know what's coming for you! And by the way you already have abs. You don't need me tickling you to death."

He scribbled his fingers quickly on his abs again and giggled at the maknae as he curled into a ball, cackling once again

"MeheheHEHEan!"

Tae stood up and told the other members that he had to use the bathroom, he wanted to torture another pray. A pray that was too innocent for their good. He chuckled quietly and licked his lips, his hands were so itchy, he wanted to tickle you and see for himself how ticklish you were. So he quietly climbed up the stairs and found which bathroom you were in. He first listened from outside and your words caused a cruel smirk appear on his face

"What if he finds out that I am ticklish as well?..."

BINGO! Now nobody could save you from the upcoming torture. He giggled quietly and walked behind you calmly, caressing your hair and speaking in a low tone. You were more than suprized when he walked in from the door out of nowhere. Your heartbeat raised once again.

"T-t-taehyung!? I thought y-you were with the bo-boys!"

"I was baby but... I got concerned when you walked out with a blushing face, you seemed so nervous what happened love?"

You could sense the mischievousness in his voice and you completely understood what he aimed when you made eye-contact with him from the mirror. This made you gulp and him chuckle.

"N-nothing w-why? I-I am absolutely f-fine"

You stuttered amd answered but the devilish grin on his face and the blush on your face was making everything harder for you to hide your fear. The nervous atmosphere heated up even more all of a sudden as he pinned your body between his body and the bathroom wall, you squeaked and looked him in the eyes, almost pleading for him to let go.

"Oh~ what a cute squeak! Just like I heard when I was tickling kookie~"

He smirked and stroked your neck gently while you were still pinned between him and wall, you couldn't help but scrunch your neck to the side and puff your cheeks out cutely to prevent giggling his smirk grew wider.

"I bet you are soo ticklish, actually too ticklish for your own good. Am I wrong love?"

He chuckled

"Let's give it a try and find it out shall we?"

And before you could even protest you were being lifted up on his lap and forced you to wrap your legs around his waist

"Wait Tae, where are we go- Mhmm~!!"

Before you could even protest Taehyung crushed his lips on yours and started to kiss you, he muffled your voice and distracted you at the same time, your mind went more and more jelly with each kiss, soon you found yourself in a bedroom and thrown on the bed as he locked the door behind you two and smirked. You backed away in the bed, feeling ticklish alredy.

"D-don't you d-dare K-kim T-taehyung!"

"I don't dare what love~?"

"Y-you know what it is!"

"Hmm do I? I don't know baby you need to be more specific, what do you exacty don't want me to do?"

He approached you slowly and you backed away in the bed untill your back hit the head of the bed, you gulped.

"D-don't you d-dare tickling me! B-back off! "

He chuckled and searched for the drawers than he pulled out a cuff and spinned it with his one hand

"I don't know baby, well you never told me you were ticklish! In fact you always said no when I asked you so, I believe you deserve this treatment anyway, don't worry it's not gonna hurt~"

He jumped on you and cuffed your hands to the bedpost before you could even blink your eye. The only thing you know was that you were cuffed to the head of the bed and now your back was on the matress now. He sat on your thigs and cracked his knuckles, than lightly trailed his fingertips up and down your sides, you started to giggle and squirm.

"B-bahahaby n-nohoHOHOHOHO! DOHOHhohohon't doho this toho mehe!"

"Shhh, lay there and laugh for me baby, nothing can save you from this right now, be a good pray and laugh. Than maybe I will show mercy but for now..."

He digged in your ribs, poked and clawed everywhere, he didn't even miss the gaps in between your bones, your nerves were alight with ticklish sensations, your laughter got super loud in a second and you were screaming and squirming under his tall body and cruel fingers, just like jungkook did minutes ago

"NOHOHOHO AHAHAHA! YAHAHAHA IHIHIT TIHIHICKLEHEHEHES! PLEAHAHAHASE!"

"You look so helpless and that's adorable, I can't believe you've hid something like this from me for this long! Laugh for me! Laugh more! I will tickle all of your sensitive spots!"

He teased and tickled non-stop, making you snort cutely and stomp your feet on the bed, he was having too much fun to stop at the moment. It had been only 5 minutes but it felt like hours to you. Soon he moved down to claw at your tummy and sides, he was so gentle yet it was so so so cruel, it was actually way too much for an overly sensitive body like yours. He leaned down soon and started to kiss and nibble your tummy and sides, his hand travelling yo your armpits and scratching gently.

"NAHAHAHA TAHAHAE I CAHAHAHNT NOHOHO MOHOHORE STAHAHAP! STAHAHAHAHA-NAHAHA!"

you screamed but he didn't stop, he only slowed down and got faster again when he though you could breathe properly again. Your torture went like this on and on... Needless to say that he left no spots untouched. You wanted to get your hands down and to stop him but it was impossible thanks to the cuffs that he used. You just laid there and took it untill you started to laugh shrill and tears rushed down your face. Taehyung was nibbling and kissing your neck as his hands fluttered around your sides and inner thighs when your laughter turned to silent. He took this as a sign to stop and cuffed you immediately, he giggled.

"You are really fun to tickle you know?"

He snuggled by your side, you were just too tired to talk back so you happily accepted his embrace and hugged back, you two fell asleep on the bed in the room that you were locked in.

Jungkook:

Jungkook and you decided to clean his attic on a saturday evening, you grabbed everything you needed and went up to the attic, it was dusty and made you both sneeze and cough a coupe times when you first entered there. Jungkook finally found the window and opened it so there was finally oxygen in the dark attic.

"You alright baby? You look like you've swallowed all the dust in the room"

"No kookie I am fine *cough* B-but it's really dusty here we gotta be quick and clean it all up"

He giggled and patted your hair, he nodded and handed you the bucket full of water so you two started cleaning, you spent hours there. Finding his old memories, dusting them off. Playing with his old toys, comparing his childhood photos with himself now. You had so much fun and also you swalloved lots and lots of dust. But you didn't care because it was a great opportunity to spend time with your boyfrined and get to know eachother more as you smiled at the memories togeather and thanked for everything that happened back then so you were finally here now. You just kept on doing the cleaning; dusting, wiping the floors etc. and soon you've noticed some christmas decorations at the corner, his mother must have been keeping them there for the next christmas. You got interested in them and started off with dusting the artificial christmas three. It blew out a huge wave of dust and caused you two to cough your lungs out as soon as you touched it. You waited for the dust to fly out from the window and you also wanted to check the other decorations out, but as you were walking towards them your feet tangled to something and you fell down on the floor and rolled around yourself with the little momentum, you tried to wiggle but you soon realized that you were almost wrapped in a mummy by the Christmas lights surrounding you. You tried to squirm but no avail, you were tied down so damn securely with just a few rolls on the floor. You had no other chance but to call for help.

"Kook! B-baby help I am stuck I can't move!"

You yelled and soon a sweaty and dusty jungkook appeared from the other side of the room.

"Yeah baby what do you wa-"

He stood there and widened his eyes, than he fell on the floor and laughed uncontrollably, he thought your clumsiness was way too funny he laughed and laughed on the floor untill his abs hurt and there were tears in his eyes. He wiped them off and panted.

"How did you even managed to wrap yourself up like that oh my god what am I going to do with you jagi?"

He smiled but you were pouting

"N-not funny jungkook let me out please, I can't even move a single finger!"

You squirmed like a worm again to show him how much you're stuck and this made him laugh at you again but than he stopped and crouched down right next to you.

"Let's see if I can get you out from this trouble..."

He focused on the wires, he sticked his finger between your tummy and the wire and wiggled it slightly, this caused you to snort a little and puff your cheeks, it tickled. Luckily he didn't notice it. He continued sticking his fingers at a random place on your body and pulling the wire to himself, he was searching for a weak spot to untie you. Your hands were tied above your head and your armpits were exposed, soon he finally sticked his fingers carefully between your armpit and the wire and wiggled it there but you couldn't seem to hold it in anymore, you started to giggle and squirm. It really tickled this time.

"B-bahahaby! N-nohohot thehehehere!"

Jungkook cocked his head to the side, raised his eyebrow and smirked. He never knew you were ticklish.

"Oh don't tell me that you're ticklish..."

You gulped and gave him puppy eyes, you had nowhere to run and you could do nothing to stop him. You were tied way too tight for that. You started to plead.

"Please jungkook no! I can't even move. Get me out here please!! Don't do that I beg you!"

This plead caused him to chuckle and he stickled his both fingers under the wires at both of your armpits, this time he wasn't wiggling them to get you out, this time he was stroking your armpits softly and tickling there, he was so gentle with your hollows, it felt like thousant feathers were gliding up and down. He stroked, tapped and poked the skin while watching you squirm helplessly. Needles to say that you were a flustered little puddle on the floor, trying to move away or do anything to stop him but... It was useless. You laughed really loud and blushed, being helpless and tied like that made you more sensitive and shy. You begged in between your fits of laughter.

"BAHAHABY N-NOHOHOHO! L-LIHIHISTEN TOHO MEHEHEHE! STOHOP ! STAHAHAHAP!"

he was giggling at you and showing his famous bunny smile. Your laughter was like music to his ears, he really loved tickling you and it looked like this was the first one of many many tickle sessions that you two will have in the future.

"Aww you really are so ticklish! Look ! You are flailing like a fish out of water! Tickle tickle~ coochie coochie coo~!!"

He cooed with a gentle voice but soon he got bored tickling your armpits, he sneaked his fingers in your ribs and poked you there rapidly he than poked there with one hand and kneaded your ribs with the other.

"Which one tickles more jagi hmm? Do you like the pokes or the kneading better, I guess kneading makes you laugh louder, I will tickle every inch of your body~ you can't move can you? Aww~ you are all at my mercy!"

He smirked and moved down to your tummy, your shirt was riddled up a little bit, giving him opportunities to blow deadly ticklish rapberries from the gaps and nibbling there with his lips. He pretended like he was eating you and his hands poked your ribs and neck, adding more tickles to the sweet torture of yours. He smirked into your tummy and didn't speak, he never thought tickling you like this would be so much fun.

"YAHAHAHAHAAA KOOKIEHEHEHE NOHOHO PLEHAHAHAASE I WOHOULD DOHO ANYTHING AAHAHAHA JUHUST STAHAHAP IHIT ! MEHEHEHERCY!"

You squirmed side to side and soon he stopped but the evil wheels in his head won't stop turning.

"I haven't tried all of your spots yet! There is one more that I want to tickle"

He grabbed your shoes and pulled them off and sat on the floor right front of them making you gulp and try to kick but you looked like a mermaid on earth.

"J-jungkook no! Don't you dare!"

"What? I am not doing anything!"

He made eye contact with you and drew his index finger all the way up from your heels, made you squeak and flinch. He giggled at that and cracked his knuckles and his neck. You got more flustered. He wiggled his finglers threateningly and landed them on your socked feet, scratching randomly on your immoblie feet. You started to howl with laughter and roll side to side. This made him chuckle darkly and coo at you.

"AHAHAHAHA YOHOHOU JEHEHEHERK! STAHAHAHA-"

"Oh calling me a jerk! How dare you!"

He pulled your socks out and smirked.

"Oh look my paint brushes from my art class!"

You gulped

"I- k-kookie, my beautiful baby. Pl-please... We can talk about it... You d-don't have to d-do this... L-let me out please I can't take it anymore"

You begged but he shook his head side to side as no.

"Oh you just called me a jerk and now you want to be released? Not a chance in hell jagi~ oh and look! What a beautiful canvas!"

He grabbed two paintbrushes and glided them up and down your soles, you swear you were losing your mind with each bristle hitting your sensitive skin. They went up , down and side to side. Keeping you on your toes constantly, at this point you were too weak, even to beg and you could just lay there and take it. You tried to beg but your sentences were being interrupted by your own fits of laughter every single time. And than little tickle monster jungkook focused under your toes and your arches, made you cry with laughter and go silent this time. He stopped finally, right when you were about to pass out. He finally found the weak part of the wires and untied you, than cuddled you close in his lap, kissed your cheeks lovingly.

"I never thought that tickling could be this fun. Your laughter is my favorite symphony~"

He wishpered and let you take a quick nap on his lap, with a pink blush on your cheeks. He caressed your hair and held you tight.

[nctinfo]

[TRANS] Jungwoo, Mark & Haechan’s interview with Star1 June 2020 issue!

It's the first time for you three to do a shoot together. It's a different combination. Mark: It's really nice that the warm weather is seen in the pictures and it was fun to shoot with this fresh combination. Jungwoo: I really like it because it seems like the chemistry between us was well shown. Haechan: It's been a very long time since I had a shoot so I was a little nervous but on the other hand, also excited. I think I had a lot of fun because I was together with the hyungs.

You finished all the promotions for the 2nd full album <NCT#127 NeoZone>, how was it? Jungwoo: We were able to show NCT 127's color clearly through the title song 'Kick It'. All the side tracks had a very diverse feel too, and the promotion period was very meaningful because, matching with the 'NCT 127' name, it seemed to represent a new NCT 127 well in the aspects of music, choreography, stage composition, and so on. Mark: It was a comeback after a long time with a full album, so as much as the fans waited for it, we worked hard in the preparations to show many good sides. Of course, it was a shame we couldn't meet the fans on the music shows. Haechan: So, during the repackage promotion period, we will try various ways to communicate with the fans.

You also achieved some great things during these promotions, in particular, ranking no.5 on the Billboard 200 Mark: The last album ranked at no.11, and to see that it gradually improved to rank no.5, I was even more proud and happy. It gave me a great sense of achievement. I was as grateful and as happy as much as it was the result of the feeling loved and receiving attention from around the world.

Soon, you will be making a comeback with the repackage album < NeoZone: The Final Round>, what kind of song is the title song 'Punch'? Haechan: It's a very hip and strong song. Also, it has an ambiance of feeling like a different song due to some elements that are in the middle, so it's a fun song to listen to. Jungwoo: As much as it is a title song, I put my all in it. There were many changes made during the preparations, including the recording process. We worked hard to make it complete. Mark: As much as 'Kick It' was well received by the fans, I think 'Punch' will be as well and will deliver the finishing blow.

In addition to 'Punch', there are also other new side songs, how is it different compared to the 2nd full album [NeoZone]? Haechan: First off,  for the new songs on the repackage album, there is a new charming ballad song 'Make Your Day' and there is a song with a different feeling called 'NonStop'. You will be able to feel the diversity. Mark: That's right. 'Make Your Day' is a song where you will receive healing through the sweet voices of the vocal members. Jungwoo: It's a great song to listen to in the summer.

Then what is the key point of 'Punch'? Haechan: I think the chorus is the most memorable. It's repeated a lot, so I think it's nice when you listen to it excitingly. Jungwoo: I think 'Punch' [is the song with] the most killing parts. There are many parts that stick right to your ears. Please enjoy the killing part. Mark: Your ears might get hurt since it's addicting. haha

Is there something you want to show to the public through this album? Haechan: That I am really grateful for the support we received during 'Kick It' and that I was really happy. During the upcoming promotions too, I want to take that energy and show NCT 127's performance that will K.O. everyone. Of course, there are burdens when you receive great support, but regardless of the results, we are doing the best we can as always, so if you keep supporting us, we will show you our K.O. performance.

Was there ever a life changing "punch", if so when? Mark: As I was preparing for this song, I was reminded of the trainee days a lot. I was a trainee for almost three years, and I'm normally the type of person to beat myself down. I think that's when I threw [myself] the most “punches”. In order not to lose myself in front of the mirror I pushed myself and tried to overcome and grow. So while preparing for this song, I really related to it a lot. Jungwoo: I think it was during my debut for me. I was introduced for the first time during 'Boss'. I wanted to have an impact on many people so I really worked hard. When I think about it now, I didn't have to be so nervous, I was really worried. I am reminded of the time where I wanted to throw an impactful punch as big as I was nervous so I tried to double the effort.

What is a hot topic among NCT 127 lately? Mark: We're almost finished preparing for the repackage album, and all the members are working hard in perfecting the choreography. And we are also preparing for Beyond Live. Other than that, since the members are home a lot, we're getting into cooking more than ever (laughs). These days, Taeil hyung has really fallen for cooking. Once, when I returned home after practice, there was the smell of pasta coming from the dorm and it turns out that Taeil was making pasta by himself. I was even surprised at how delicious it was. haha

The world tour was also completed successfully Mark: It's hard to go overseas these days so I kinda miss it, and I often think about how nice it would be to tour soon again. It was a rare opportunity and a joyful journey. It's not easy to meet fans in person so it was a thing I'm really grateful for. It was also nice to eat a lot of delicious food with the members.

Is there a difference between preparing before the world tour and after? Mark: It's like, you know a lot after you've seen a lot. Aside from the stages, there were many things I felt. While meeting various cultures and people, our own team's unity has improved and our teamwork has gotten better too. There were a lot of physical challenges. Looking back after overcoming those hardships, all of them are beautiful memories. If you ask what's different or what has changed, it's that the teamwork has become better, and I think each member has gradually grown during the tour. Jungwoo: As expected personally, I think I grew a lot myself and it's true that I learned a lot while being on various stages. Instead of performing the same thing on each stage, I tried to change my facial expression and tried to change many things. Although we grew a lot as a team, I gained a lot of self-confidence too. To be honest, I was really nervous before leaving, but as I met a lot of fans from various countries I felt very grateful to be welcomed and supported. Haechan: My mindset has changed. Before I used to do a lot of things for 'the future'. After the world, I tend to focus on 'us'. We are working hard and having fun showing us and our way.  

NCT 127 members are all skilled in various areas. If you could steal a talent from each other, what would it be? Haechan: Jungwoo hyung’s innocence. Haha. When Jungwoo hyung’s ‘Pure Beauty’ shines, that's when I get envious. I think Mark hyung’s biggest asset is consistency. Doing anything consistently is a skill in my opinion, so I’m envious of this side of Mark hyung. Jungwoo: As for me, Mark’s dancing skills or English? Haha. Mark: I already told Jungwoo before, but he has this special aura about him. I’m just very thankful to have him next to me. It’s a precious thing. Haha. Even in a stiff situation he can elevate the mood. It’s not that I want to take it from him, it’s just that I like it when he’s next to me like that.

What are the unexpected sides of the members? Haechan: Mark hyung is consistently good at everything. The only thing he can't do is gaming. He is really bad at gaming. I don't think he has any talent for gaming. Jungwoo: Also, Mark is surprisingly delicate and detailed. There might be some people who already know, but he is more delicate than you can imagine. Haechan: Jungwoo looks innocent and seems quiet, but surprisingly he has many sturdy/bold sides. He is the type of person where those two sides coexist. Although he is still shy in front of the fans, when he feels comfortable, he is more active and energetic. That's his unexpected side.

To me, NCT 127 is? Haechan: It’s the foundation of my growth. When I was with hyungs I could see a lot of aspects where I was lacking, but because hyungs helped me so much I think I was able to grow. Jungwoo: I think we make each other shine. When someone is lacking the others fill in the gaps, when it’s hard we help each other, I think. Mark: I think we became a team that are friends and hyungs for life. I’m very thankful that we became like friends not just in NCT 127, but in everyday life. Jungwoo: Right. Us meeting seems like fate. Mark: We were all born and raised in different places, how else would we meet as a team like this.

As half of 2020 has passed, what are your goals both goals personally and as an artist? Haechan: I want to be busy and work hard in 2020. As an artist I’d like for it to be a year where I improve internally or work on my skills. Jungwoo: As a team I’d like for us to be introduced to more fans and grow a lot through performances. I’m also looking forward to see the results. I also wish this would be the year when I progress and take care of myself a lot. Mark: I want to play music for even more fans and I also want approval. Wherever we go I want to show performances without embarrassment, without seeming lame when I look back later, I always want to work hard. I hope the members become more proud of themselves as they should, and that we promote happily too. 

Translation: Esmee, Alex @ FY! NCT (NCTINFO) | Source: Star1 Scans — Do not repost or take out without our permission!

[sinagrace]

Iceman’s been back on my mind lately. It started with the internet rumor that Shia Labeouf was being considered to play the role of Bobby Drake in a Marvel Cinematic Universe version of the X-Men. My DMs and @Mentions on social media were a mixture of intense reaction and then asking my take on who would make a great Bobby Drake (for the record: in my head I always saw him as a younger Antoni Porowski with a theater background, ‘cuz playing the funny guy with a vulnerable streak requires serious acting shops). My mind went back to the time of BC, when I was doing a lot of touring, and answering this very question because of my work on the Iceman book at Marvel. One thing led to another, and I decided to take a trip further down memory lane to look at my favorite volume of the series: Amazing Friends. Now, I know I’ve spent equal amounts of time publicly stating what a gift working on Iceman was, while also calling out the challenges that came with the experience, but the third volume really was a pure blessing. I was able to take every valuable lesson I learned as a writer, and apply it to telling a story that would be interesting to one person: Me. I’ve been a lifelong X-Men fan, I live and breathe comics, so my own expectations for a return to the series seemed like the only ones to really worry about meeting/ surpassing. The first two volumes had been so bogged down by rotating editors, complex continuity, company-wide events, multiple artists… The third volume was my chance to focus on what an Iceman series was outside of so much context. All that mattered was challenging myself to do an X-Men story that focused on the aspects of the franchise I felt were valuable and relevant, meaning: excuses to have Emma Frost be an asshole and finding an opportunity to make fun of Kitty Pryde’s haircut. Before moving on from Marvel, Axel Alonso made time to call me for a pep talk about the series. I wanted to get the series extended, and he wanted to help me succeed with the ten issues he could commit to. First, he offered an eleventh issue to give me more time on the stands. He took a look at everything I had planned, and basically told me to restructure with an eye for ramping up the pace. My writing background comes from prose and essays/ think pieces… both of which are methodical and provide some allowance from the reader to really take your time and set up the world before diving into the meat. That’s not the case with comics. You gotta work fast. Especially in today’s market, there is less and less room for a retailer to say, “give it two volumes, because shit starts really coming together by the third trade.” That was literally my speech for hooking people on such iconic series as Invincible, Fables, and Strangers in Paradise. Nowadays, every single issue is not a brick to be laid down as foundation so much as a bullet in your gun. Conflicting imagery, but that’s the point. Axel told me to think about the Big Moments in my life and sort out how to inject the mutant metaphor into it and make the most compelling comic book story I could. This was epic advice that I took with me into the new arc, but I struggled a bit with what could be bigger than the “coming out” storyline in volume one. Love was off the table because I wanted to keep Bobby single and ready to mingle. Death was off the table too, because my editor felt like we’d done enough with Bobby’s parents in the first two volumes. Upon looking at my own life, and considering the stuff me and my friends were dealing with, I landed on something a bit more reflective than LIFE or DEATH. I wanted to focus on that moment when a gay guy looks outside of himself and realizes the folks around him may not have it so easy. After everything we’ve been dealing with this summer, Iceman’s “big issue” of the arc feels oddly prescient. Bobby Drake had to reconcile his accidental complicit role in keeping the Morlocks down, and he has to investigate new approaches to being a better ally to those who don’t want to or can’t live under the protection of the X-Men. I used the Morlocks to allegorically speak to the issues that the trans/ NB community face today. Considering that trans folks are facing higher rates of homelessness and murder than other members of the LGBTQIA+ community, all I needed to do was find a perfect villain to treat the Morlocks as “lesser-than.” Cue Mister Sinister, who I wrote as particularly Darwinist with a major flair for interactive theater. While Amazing Friends definitely is the most fun I’ve had working on the book, it was also full of the heaviest shit I’ve written about. I’m so grateful that my editor let me use Emma Frost for a story about the trauma of gay conversion therapy with her brother Christian, but I’m still annoyed he wouldn’t let me put her in a sickening Givenchy outfit for her reveal. Similarly, creating the Madin character required that I chat with several mental healthcare professionals and members of the NB community to respectfully portray them as a resilient and fleshed out hero. I included personal lessons that I learned from years of the therapy (the sandcastle / sea image, a Jay Edidin fave moment). My editor and I weren’t always aligned, but we definitely were on each other’s side. He understood what I was trying to do and asked questions when something flew over his head, and he even had the good instincts to stop me from going too heavy handed with the ending. My original idea for the arc’s finale was to have Bobby become permanently scarred in his fight with Sinister, where he’d have a cool ice gash running across his face or something, a la Squall from Final Fantasy 8. The goal was to show Iceman stripping himself of his ability to pass as non-mutant to save the Morlocks, but the Mutant Pride fight scene being a stand-in for the Stonewall Riots kind of already made enough of a statement. Plus, no one in editorial wanted to deal with remembering to track his scar in other books. At first I tried to balk at his point of view, but when I looked over my original notes for the series, the point was to focus on optimism and hope. Giving Bobby a permanent scar and emphasizing the notion of sacrifice was too bleak a message for a series wherein the hero carbo-loads hoagies while riding an ice scooter and mutant drag queens emcee local festivals. Of course, the crowning achievement of the series… my mutant drag queen :) I’ve witnessed a lot when it comes to the world of pop culture and myth-making, and I 100% believe that you can’t plan the success of something. I’ve seen bands forced into breaking up because labels spend six figures failing at making listeners connect with an album. I witnessed firsthand how The Walking Dead was built from relatively humble beginnings as a buzzy cable drama into a literal international phenomenon over the course of its first three seasons. Everyone hopes for the best, but you never know how something will land with audiences. When the Shade character took off, I was truly astounded. Things I posted on Instagram while half-asleep became official quotes on major news sites. Queens and cosplayers were interpreting her like Margot Robbie had unveiled a new Harley Quinn lewk. The impact was so legit and immediate that we had to jump in and give Shade a proper Marvel hero alias, to truly welcome her into the X-Men canon. Hence the name change to Darkveil. (Funny story: I tried to fight hard for Madame X as an alias, but CB didn’t want another Agent X / “X-Name” character. Three months later, Madonna announced the Madame X album. Phew!) There was a time where I felt uncertain that the folks in charge at Marvel would bring Darkveil into any stories outside of the ones I wrote. My understanding was that Hickman was like the Cylons and had A Plan-- one that didn’t include her character. I made peace with my contribution to the Marvel Universe being contained, but then someone on social media pointed out that Darkveil showed up in an issue of Marvel Voices. After breaking down and reading Hickman’s House of X, I saw that his Plan was one of endless possibilities, and that he was moving EVERY character into new and dynamic places. I have hope now that he sees the possibilities with Darkveil, and takes advantage of her and all of her many body pouches. Amazing Friends really is my favorite thing I’ve done for the Big Two. I made a lifelong friend out of artist Nate Stockman (DC, please hire us for a Plasticman book), and I got to run a victory lap with the most encouraging and supportive readers out there. It was worth every dreadful conversation, every shitty thing a person said to me online, and all of the fun nonsense that goes into being creative for a living. Being stuck at home in quarantine has given me a lot of time to reflect on the gift that my career to date has been, and I feel so grateful to be where I am today. Other people may groan when they have to talk about something they’ve moved on from, but not me. I made people happier, I got to work with my favorite characters at Marvel, and and I'll say it again: it’s a frickin’ gift to make people move from your work. So, I will engage every tweet or message asking me my thoughts about who should play Bobby Drake in the Marvel Cinematic Universe… I’ll just never have a good answer.

[dddemigirl]

I’m close to halfway done with Midnight Sun and I have some thoughts. It bothers me how much SMeyer writes Bella as the definition of “not like the other girls,” but also how much I see myself in Bella. Disgusting, considering Bella is Smeyer’s self insert. The clumsiness, not wanting to be the center of attention, being nerdy, being terrible at sports and dancing. I can relate to that stuff. Certainly not the fiction protagonist I’d want to find myself in.

Some other things that intrigue me; was Edward always unable to put together Charlie‘s thoughts? I don’t remember that. Granted I haven’t read the books or watched the movies since I was a young teenager. I was also wondering about Tanya and the Denali Clan, did they have much of a role? Something that surprises me is how teenager-ish Edward’s actions/thoughts can be. When I first read the books I always saw him as mature, so sure of himself. I guess one would be if they were as old as he is but Midnight Sun really reminds us that this emo sparkle boy is mentally 17.

Speaking of the Cullens, I love how much I’m seeing of their banter and personalities compared to what I remember from Bella’s POV. I’m really into the potential vampire lore that Smeyer denied us. I feel like if this story wasn’t so focused on Edward and Bella we could’ve seen that stuff fleshed out. Where do other vampires live in the US? Where in other countries? What are their laws or activities? We see so little of other vampire clans outside of the big battle scene in Breaking Dawn (?) or when we occasionally are introduced to the Cullens’ vampire friends. You’re telling me that Edward is the only vampire to ever develop feelings for a human? That every other group of vampires just see humans as prey? I know the Cullens are considered different from many for being “vegetarians” and for living as a family but still.. Also! Stephanie Meyer, your obnoxious Mormon ass incidentally went and wrote Alice as sapphic. I bet you’d hate it if you knew some of your readers thought this. The way Alice talks about loving Bella?? Hello??? Edward even refers to Alice being Bella’s girlfriend. I know this is being used in the way straight women refer to their friends as “girlfriends,” which is super obnoxious to me as a lesbian, but come on..! Alice is sapphic and polyamorous. I’m calling it. She is happy for Edward and Bella and truly loves Jasper but she has feelings for Bella too. No one can take this from me. Okay, so onto another topic. We all hate how racist this series is, it’s so focused on white people and has racist writing choices. I would’ve liked if the Cullens were diverse. Not just in race but in sexuality, gender, perhaps there could’ve been disabled vampires? Think about it; these are killing machines with great physical ability, would any physical disability they had as humans be gone with their change to vampirism? I think it would be good writing and good representation to have say, a vampire in a wheelchair for example. As someone with dyscalculia and ADHD I would enjoy reading about learning disabilities as well. Meyer writes about how smart Edward and Bella are in academics. I grew up learning that I would never truly be perceived as smart because of my dyscalculia and other learning disabilities.

I also like the idea of a trans vampire, someone who spends their new life as an immortal working on their gender expression how they see fit and becoming happiest with their body. They have all the time in the world after all. Obviously give me all of the lgbt vampires please. Onto race diversity, I had a thought, could a Native vampire exist in the Twilight canon? Imagine a Native who feels conflicted with their new vampire identity and how their heritage warns them to stay away from the Cold Ones. Becoming the thing your family and community despise and having to decide where your loyalties lie, if your loved ones would even accept you? Smeyer did the Quileute tribe soooo fucking dirty. I am so pissed. Who the fuck... what the fuck? Who the fuck involves an indigenous community in their writing, without permission, and doesn’t give said tribe funds from their earnings from the book(s)?? This lady’s racist, homophobic, slut shaming, holier than thou attitude is so prevalent in her writings and it worries me because she influenced a whole generation of young teenagers with her books. I was one of them. Not to mention she tried to play off that Edward and Jacob’s treatment of Bella were somehow romantic and healthy! Today’s young adults saw that shit! You’re a grown woman Stephanie. You romanticized toxic behaviors in your books targeted toward a young and impressionable audience. I’m thinking about how many of today’s preteens and teenagers will go read the Twilight saga for the first time due to Midnight Sun’s release. They will think that racism, predatory relationships and shaming girls for liking popular things (See Bella “not like other girls” Swan for reference) is acceptable. I’m a hopeless romantic, a dreamer, so I hate when these books easily make me go “aww” internally even when I know it’s not “aww,” it’s unhealthy. I’m old enough to know what is a red flag in Bella’s relationships but not everyone who reads them is old enough to understand that yet. Baby me certainly didn’t see how Edward and Jacob were both not good for Bella. I was too caught up in the Team Edward and Team Jacob craze. (Baby me was Team Jacob by the way. I’m a trashy furry who loves werewolves, I can’t help it.)

My final thoughts for now anyway: in the dedication our wonderful author says that this book is for the fans who were first young teens when reading Twilight, something like that. She writes that she hopes we achieved our dreams. Not the exact wording but you get it. I remember when I read that dedication page I felt immeasurable sadness. I haven’t reached my goals, lived my dreams or become a successful young adult. I’m still that socially awkward, clumsy, unremarkable person I was when I first read and watched this story. (Ew. Once again why do I sound like how Smeyer describes Bella? I’m cringing.) I’m stuck being a nobody because I’m too scared to change. I know this rant is about Midnight Sun/the Twilight saga and isn’t about me but damn that shit hit me like a ton of bricks.

[sd1970x]

My Miraculous Ladybug coming out story

CW: Transphobia.

[TL;DR - I've written an MLB fanfic. That fanfic allowed my trans subconscious to express itself and eventually I took note and came out of the closet.

I have also suffered abuse in the fandom. This abuse managed to make a presumably safe-space entirely unsafe, just when I needed it the most. This is not a payback post and no names will be mentioned. I am writing this post as a plea for increased diversity and kindness in the fandom]

Hi again.

So, some of you may remember me as taking an active part in the fandom and the subreddits around 2 years ago or so. My attraction to magical girl shows was very much established years ago, but when I first caught a glimpse of my daughter watching MLB, I was hooked. I also saw a wonderful bonding opportunity which indeed lived up to its part. But there was more to come. As season 2 went into hiatus, I filled the void by starting to read fics to my daughter. Then I wrote a few shorts. Then I started writing what would later become a work that changed my life.

The original inspiration for this work was (*drumroll*) an old genderbending anime, now about a decade old. During the course of writing it, I was starting to get feedback about how 'trans' this feels and how it's rife with gender themes, which helped me reach a conclusion: "I ought to get someone to do sensitivity reading for me, lest I end up hurting someone!"

But eventually, one fateful day I admitted to myself that I'm writing something deeper and that my OC must be some form of self-insert whether I like it or not.

No more than a week after that insight, I was out of the closet.

This, in turn, ravaged my life, as it has for many trans people. I'm up on my feet again now, but it's been a rocky ride - including a divorce, social transitioning with COVID-19 at the background.

The work went into hiatus as my life changed irrevocably, but it is now finally finished.

But that's not all I wanted to talk with you about today. My perception of reality is different to the cishet one and my thinking alien to it. The MLB fandom is decidedly cishet and is driven by a cishet lovesquare. Expressions to the contrary are generally unwanted and undesired by readership, as are takes that stem from such a point of view. Narratives that espouse a straight, easy-to-digest trans narrative might be supported on the basis of that trait but eventually this is all too restrictive to the cis perception of what trans is.

A point to mull over is that perspectives of transness (in particular ones that don't align with the cis perspective) are bound to be either expressed by self-inserts and/or significant derailment of main characters, both of these expressions highly policed and denigrated in the fandom.

But that's just how life is for someone who's LGBT and trans, one cannot and should not simply fault cishet people for being what they are and liking what they like and being unable to truly connect with the trans experience.

Up until when it comes to abuse. Literal abuse which was designed to rob me of my participation in an MLB LGBT forum and has successfully achieved that goal. I have screencapped evidence of such but it will be kept private for obvious reasons.

It's all too much to be a mere coincidence. As if just being what I am has inevitably brought this about. Since coming out I have encountered a good amount of transphobia and I'm now more empowered to deal with it than the shell-shocked response I originally had when it was but a few days after coming out.

The fandom hasn't felt safe for me since and probably never will, but here's my plea to you:

Consider that your own insular cishet view might be stopping you from seeing things the way other people see them. Consider that actually supporting diversity and LGBT/trans creators might force you to adopt a thinking which isn't 'natural' for you.

Consider that any act of bullying, even if aimed at a supposedly-acceptable target, might have a lot more ramifications than you planned for.

Be extra kind, more kind than you think is appropriate. People might need it.

And last but not least, say a loud NO to bullying of any form.