#and i have to physically stop myself from screeching

[sweetcherriexs]

a letter to you; b.e.

tw: suicide

"Hey, love. I honestly don't know what to say now that the paper is actually in front of me. I'm not sorry for finally giving in and well taking my life, but i am sorry for writing you this. I'm hopping that, in a way, this brings you closure. I'm listening to your songs at the moment, they're all so beautiful. I hope you'll get to do much more. You'll be my forever artist. Listen, I'm sorry, but I couldn't do it much longer. The pain, the confusion and I don't even know why i feel like this. I know you've been trying to help and I love you so much, but I just can't. I'm sorry i can't love you any longer, my love will always be yours and no one else's. I wish i could explain to you why i feel this way but there's just so much I can't say. And though I know or well hope it'll be hard to move on, I hope you find happiness once more. I've tried my best to give it you, I hope I've succeeded, if not that'd really awkward... Fuck, I just... wish there was another way for me to not feel like this. but i've tried everything. I need this. I need to feel this. I can't keep living with this disease. it's consuming me. I hurt physically at any minor inconvenience, it's like my heart is squeezed with the strength of a thousand fists and my throat is being torn out over and over again and I can physically feel the blood gurgling up my throat every time. but it's not real, it's not real and so i make it at least somewhat real and cut cut cut until i see blurry. I find solace in the pain i cause myself. losing myself is so much easier than losing people i love. it hurts and I want to rip every strand of my hair out, hit my own head with my bare hands until I pass out every time, dig my nail into the meat of my palm until the skin rips and I bleed. I want to cut until I see meat or bone because I'm starting to realise it's not getting better and it's helping me less and less. It's like upping the dose. I need to be covered in my own blood, choking on it until the light disappears from my eyes and my heart finally stops beating so frantically. The rarity of times when I feel happier, there's always that voice in the back of my head, screaming at me and telling me that It'll be all over soon and I'll be back to this depressed loser whose only desire is to die. don't ever doubt the happiness you brought me, but sadly it seems I'm not made to be happy. I'm just tired. I'm tired of this constant roller-coaster of a life I have to live. I don't wanna be like this anymore. I don't want to stay and I won't. there're so many words I should say but i can't. I'm sorry for making you mourn me when you thought we'd be mourned together. I won't be writing a letter to anyone else, you're my rock, baby. and I don't care about anyone else. I love you, Billie."

The piece of paper fell from billie's hands, which were shaking as she stood by you. your lifeless body laid on the floor, the pool of blood had stopped growing a while ago, you were empty. billie could faintly hear the sounds of sirens and tires screeching outside but it was all muffled, she could only hear the sound of her heart beating in her ears as her knees gave out and she fell onto them, eyes strained on the paper, fallen into the pool of your blood, now coated a crimson red.

the tears streaming down her face were almost drowning her as her body shook on the cold floor of your shared bedroom. her chest felt tight. too tight as she clutched her hand over her beating heart which was currently in a billion pieces. the terrified look never left her eyes since the moment she'd came into the room after a long day of press. she felt as if she might suffocate before she was snapped out of her daze by the sounds of footsteps, then the gentle, gloved hands pressing against her shoulders.

she looked up, eyes locking with the EMT's but she couldn't hear a word she was saying. out of the corner of her eye, she saw the other EMTs checking your vitals, shaking their heads as letting out sighs. but then, when one came in with a human-sized bag clutched in their hands and the EMT in front of her tried to get her to leave, the dam broke, cries and screams left her throat as her body shook, trashing against the hold of the EMT, desperate to hold your hand just one more time...

a/n: normal writers when they've been feeling shitty: writes fluff for comfort, me: writes angst

[writing-for-marvel]

Melody at Midnight

Steve Rogers x Pianist!Reader

Summary: Steve cannot sleep after he returns from a mission because you’re playing the piano.

Prompt: ☀️ Grumpy character’s horror in realizing they are smiling for @yenzys-lucky-charm’s Cranky!Grumpy!Stabby! Oh, My! Challenge

Warnings: reader isn’t a professional pianist just someone who can play piano, reader is also an agent, Steve pining, idiots in love

Word count: 1.3k

A/N: as a piano player myself, this is mostly self indulgence. Thank you darling Ali for the inspo, even if this is soooo late. Banners by @vase-of-lilies

Masterlist | Ask me anything! | Library

Steve tosses in his sheets. It’s an unusually warm night, but that’s not the reason he cannot sleep.

He’s always found the process of falling asleep difficult after taking the serum - his enhanced hearing doesn’t just subside with earplugs or with a white noise machine. It’s like his audition is attuned to sharp sounds from his periphery, like a mother who notices a baby’s cry.

It’s worse at night in the city that never sleeps, there’s always something going on cutting through the still silence - the screeches of horns beeping at each other, car alarms blaring into the night, or some concert where he can feel the bass down to his bones which keeps him awake.

But tonight, strangely, it’s the rich sound of a piano.

Steve doesn’t do anything to quieten his thumping footsteps down the staircase, annoyance seeping out of every pore in his body. It’s his first night back in his own bed after a long and physically arduous mission, and while he’s trying to actually get some rest for once, someone is playing an instrument Steve hadn't even realised Tony had installed in the tower.

There should be some rule, or maybe just basic etiquette, that at midnight you don’t make strange sounds in a place which houses a bunch of mutants. Especially sleep deprived mutants.

He’s ready to rip the head off whomever is playing the music, however, he stops dead in his tracks when he notices who is seated on the stool in front of the grand piano.

It’s only your back in his view, but just at the recognition that it’s you Steve’s frustration fizzles away into thin air, however, it leaves a fluttering of nervous butterflies in his stomach that he finds himself now alone with you.

He could simply turn around and walk away, you’d be none the wiser, but he’s entranced by your abilities. You’re in your own world, the dim light from the wall lamps casting shadows over the ivory keys, and even though the song sounds layered and complex, it appears you’re performing it mostly from muscle memory alone.

Steve crosses his arms and leans on the doorframe, watching as your fingers float across the keys gracefully, how fluid your hands and arms move to produce such a gorgeous tune.

He internally curses himself when he finds himself lost in the music, eyes closed to admire the calming rhythm of the melody that matches the beat of his heart, and how the muscles in his lower face start to curve into a reflexive smile.

Steve Rogers has one weakness, and it's not until now he has realised that weakness has a talent for music.

It’s not what he would have prescribed for himself after a demanding week leading the team on assignment, but this certainly feels much more tranquil than his usual regimen of hitting the gym.

There’s a crescendo as the song comes to an end, and though he’s not sure what gave his position away, you turn almost immediately to him with an ashamed look on your ethereal features.

“I’m sorry Cap, did I wake you?”

If you had noticed his presence five minutes ago, Steve might have had a much ruder response as you certainly were the reason he couldn’t fall asleep. But now, after admiring how your dexterous hands fly across the keys and the beautiful, delicate melody you produced which soothed the agitation in his soul, all he can think to say is “No, not at all... You play beautifully.”

You look down at the keys bashfully, as if you don’t hear the compliment often enough, and it makes Steve feel guilt like lead in the pit of his stomach that he had come here to reprimand you.

In this moment he believes you should share your talent with the world, not play hidden away at midnight where the only ears that are blessed with the gorgeous sound are your own and a tired super soldier with enhanced heading.

“What are you doing up this late, playing the piano for?” Steve steps into the room closer to you, as if your song has placed him under a spell and he’s drawn to you.

You always look heavenly to him, but there’s something so staggering about how your angelic beauty can still floor him late at night - your features show how fatigued you are, there are heavy bags under your eyes even in the faint light, but your eyes still shine bright like beacons calling him home.

New York is the busiest city in the world, and yet Steve’s positive that he’s standing next to the most gorgeous woman in it.

“I haven’t been able to sleep all week, I was so worried about your mission, I don’t think my mind has fully come down from the anxiety now you’re home safe… that the team is safe.” Your voice is fragile, tired, but your smile stills twinkles like stars on a clear summer night when you look up at him. “Tony bought this to try to help calm my nerves. It gives me something to keep my fidgety fingers distracted.”

You look down at your fingertips that have just been playing the keys as if they have betrayed you, so Steve engulfs your delicate hands in his.

“We’re safe.” He reassures you, and the smile which tugs at your mouth only adds to the nervousness he feels at now being in physical contact with you.

The way you look up at him makes his heart burst, it’s as if you’ve been waiting the entire week for this exact comfort, for Steve himself to be the one to relieve your anxiety with his touch.

Or perhaps it’s just that Steve wishes you felt that way.

“I know you would have been worried about Nat.” He tries to deflect. Though your kindness shines through in your selflessness and generous heart, you’ve never shown more than simply friendly thoughtfulness to your team leader.

“Yeah… Nat…” You practically chuckle. “I should know by now she can take care of herself.” There’s an amused lilt to your voice, but Steve’s not entirely sure what it indicates, and while he tries to work out if you’re insinuating anything other than Natasha’s proficiency in the field, his thumbs rub the back the backs of your hands.

He wants to say more, tell you how though he was the one on the mission, his mind was back here with you the entire time. Even from thousands of miles away, you can still distract him.

But he waits a beat too long to speak.

“I hope you enjoyed the performance Steve.” His stomach drops at your words, but immediately does a somersault when instead of dropping his hands, you lean up on the tip of your toes and place a soft kiss to his cheek. “It’s good to have you back.”

He damn well must be as red as a tomato as you smile at him and stalk off through the doors he came in. He stares after you, cursing himself that he didn’t say more, that he never says more.

For a few minutes Steve doesn’t move, gazing at the open doorway you left through, mind churning, heart aching. He shouldn’t feel this way about a subordinate, but the heart wants what it wants. And his is set on an agent with an aptitude for the piano.

In contrast to the resounding notes that kept him awake earlier, it’s the faint memory of the mellow tune you played that accompanies Steve’s thoughts as he finally falls asleep.

That, and the feel of your soft lips on his cheek.

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[jaeyunverse]

the 24-hour dating challenge

pairing: park sunghoon x fem!reader

genres: fluff, crack, mutual pining, suggestive, best friends to lovers, influencer au

wc: 8145

warnings: profanity, hoon is a loser and down bad sawry, you can’t see the mutual pining but that’s a skill issue on my part bc i swear it’s there, fic is completely from sunghoon’s pov, this was supposed to be short and sweet but it got kinda spicy towards the end LMAOAO but nothing happens so dw!!

summary: being a famous youtuber isn’t easy, especially when you have to constantly come up with new ideas to keep your audience entertained. and this time, your viewers want you to date park sunghoon, your best friend of nearly a decade, for the entirety of 24 hours.

moodboard: one ☆ two

note: omg i didn’t think i would struggle w this oneshot but i lowkey did w the last part ☹️ i think it’s bc it has been a while since i raw dogged a fic HAHDHS anyway i hope the end doesn’t seem super abrupt and y’all enjoy! i would love to hear your thoughts + feedback :’)

inspiration: evelyn and fred (♡)

masterlist

“Your followers want me to do what?” 

Sunghoon was positive he’d misheard you. However, part of him hoped you’d confirm the life-altering information you’d casually uttered without even bothering to look away from the TV screen.

“Hoon!” you exclaimed, your fingers aggressively moving about the gaming console. “Oh, my God, they’re coming after me! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK—” you screeched— “Nonononono I can’t take them by myself! You testicle-guzzling cocksucker, why did you die when I needed you the most?!” 

Sunghoon watched you struggle warily. Your leg was bouncing with anxiety and your eyes were bulging out of their sockets. He wasn’t entirely sure you were breathing. Beads of sweat were clinging to your forehead, and your face was scrunched up in a weird, constipated expression. 

There was a good chance you’d utter fouler insults if he disturbed you while playing, but he couldn’t stop himself from broaching the subject. “Are we just going to pretend you didn’t say the thing you just said?” 

“The thing about you being a testicle-guzzling cocksucker?” you gritted. “No.”

Sunghoon rolled his eyes. “The thing about your followers wanting us to date for a video.” 

For a few moments, you didn’t deign to acknowledge him. Then, as if a switch inside you had flipped, you pulled the TV’s plug and turned to face him. “Would it be weird?” 

Wow. Okay, Sunghoon mused. I think it would be a fantastic idea and a dream come true, but I don’t trust myself around you. Even as a mere friend.  

However, instead of voicing his thoughts, the boy simply shrugged. “I don’t know. We’ve been friends for several years now. I’m a regular on your YouTube channel and I think your fans are aware of the dynamics of our relationship. What do they mean when they say they want us to date? Physical intimacy aside, we already do everything couples do.” 

“I think they want us to be romantic,” you admitted. “Go on a date, hold hands, cross some lines.”

“Cross some lines?” Sunghoon raised an eyebrow, the corner of his lip curling in a smirk. “Is this you speaking or your subscribers?”

Groaning in exasperation, you shoved his shoulder. He fell back on the couch, laughing. “Shut up, dickface! You know I’ve been swamped this semester. My influencer gig has been seriously lacking. I need to step up—do what they want me to do. Besides, we only have to be girlfriend and boyfriend for 24 hours. It’s really not that big a deal. Are you in or not?”

Sunghoon took a few seconds to mull over your words. Sure, he would love to be your boyfriend for 24 hours. As long as his fantasies were brought to reality, he didn’t care if the whole relationship was fake and short-lived. 

For far too long, he’d pined after you. He thought he was doing an excellent job at hiding his feelings, but then you decided to make vlogs for fun. That’s when shit actually went downhill. 

Within a few years, you’d amassed a following of over 5 million on YouTube and 3 million on Instagram. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say you’d become somewhat of a local celebrity.  

Being one of your closest friends, Sunghoon was often featured in your videos. Initially, he’d baulked at the idea of being filmed, but you’d worked your magic on him. The boy soon found himself being comfortable around cameras. 

Even though Sunghoon never started his own YouTube channel, his popularity grew along with yours. His Instagram had garnered over two million followers, and courtesy of his good looks and attractive physique, he’d been offered a bunch of brand deals too.

You’d scowled at how far Sunghoon’s pretty privilege had gotten him. While you busted your ass coming up with unique ideas and editing your videos to perfection, all he needed to do was show up. 

What you didn’t know, though, was that part of the reason he’d become a heartthrob among the youth was you. 

You might have been dumb and blind, but your followers certainly were not. They’d realised how Sunghoon looked at you—his eyes always twinkled and a fond smile automatically adorned his lips whenever he caught sight of you. 

To add to that, your fans had pointed out habits he didn’t even know he possessed. For example: idly braiding your strands; bringing you snacks whenever he swung by your apartment; saying hey, sunshine and giving you a side hug by way of greeting; disguising his compliments as insults. 

The list was embarrassingly long.

They’d noticed the elastic he kept around his wrist at all times too—it was one of the two you’d used to tie his hair into little ponytails because you were convinced you could transform him into Boo from Monsters, Inc.   

Sunghoon himself had forgotten the reason he wore the elastic around his wrist. All he knew was that it was yours and it felt right. But when he read the comments obsessing about it, he rushed to watch the video your fans were referring to. 

And damn, they were right. 

Sunghoon didn’t know if you’d seen the comments your fans regularly left on your various social media pages. You’d never mentioned anything about the community calling you “couple goals,” and he was too much of a coward to inquire if you were aware. 

It was infuriating to know how transparent he was. Sunghoon wished he’d never gotten used to the camera and let slip his true self. 

Perhaps this was the cost of gaining the boyfriend material label—his unrequited feelings exposed for the entire world to see. 

Sunghoon would never admit it, but he’d spent the better part of a day reporting everyone who’d shipped him with you. The entire incident had truly made him go off the rails. 

However, today’s revelation was unexpected. It was an opportunity. A chance to experience something he’d desired for many years. Suddenly, he found himself thanking those busybodies online instead of cussing them out for being ridiculously invested in his love life.

Sunghoon knew saying yes to your proposition would bite him in the ass later on. He knew he’d crave more of you once he got a taste of being your boyfriend, and giving this fake relationship a shot would definitely make it harder for him to get over you in the future. He knew he was a massive idiot for willingly indulging in impending heartbreak, but he could always cross that bridge when he came to it.  

“Okay,” he said, meeting your gaze. “I’m in.”

There was a small chance Sunghoon was getting ahead of himself. Maybe he shouldn’t have taken it upon himself to organise the perfect date. 

Being bitchless his entire life wasn’t doing him any favours in performing the task. Originally, he’d figured he would do a quick Google search and plan a day according to the results shown.

Unfortunately, most activities on the list were things the two of you already did on a normal basis. He’d racked his brain to think of a unique idea after scrolling through the internet for hours on end and coming up empty-handed. 

Karaoke? Check. Restaurant hopping? Psh, you did that every weekend. Rock climbing? He was scared of heights. Bowling? Boring. Concert? None of your favourite artists were in town. Clubbing? He would rather spend quality time with you than get both of you wasted. Arcade? Basic and low-budget; he didn’t want to be cheap. Road-trip? Needed more than just 24 hours.

Sunghoon wondered if he was the problem. He’d shot down every option he’d come across so far by classifying it as not good enough. His stress levels were skyrocketing trying to make your 24-hour relationship perfect.

An entire day’s research had ended up being fruitless. You’d decided to go through with the challenge on Sunday, so he only had tomorrow to come up with something satisfactory. 

Sighing, Sunghoon rubbed his eyes and closed his laptop. He eyed his phone on the bedside table for a few seconds, contemplating whether he should just call you and ask if you had anything in mind. 

Before he could rethink his choice, he picked up the device and dialled you. 

“Hey.” Your voice on the other end was deep and hoarse. A glance at the wall clock informed Sunghoon it was past midnight, and he’d likely woken you up. Guilt twisted his stomach. “Is something wrong?”

“Sorry, I didn’t realise it was late,” he mumbled. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Nah, it’s alright. I was watching a movie and passed out halfway through it. I needed to finish it anyway.” 

Lying back on his bed, Sunghoon inquired, “Ready or not?”

“Yeah.” You huffed a laugh. “I finally got around to seeing it. Your choice, as always, is impeccable.” 

Though you couldn’t see him, he raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t you just say you dozed off in the middle of it?” 

“Well, yeah, but that’s because I’m not a stupid nocturnal with no care for their sleep cycle and health.” 

“Ouch.” Sunghoon clutched his chest. He could practically hear you roll your eyes. “No need to be so harsh.”

You hummed absent-mindedly, a yawn escaping your lips. “Was there a reason you hit me up, or can I get back to the movie?” 

“Oh, yeah.” Sunghoon cleared his throat. “Do you have any suggestions for the challenge? I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but I haven’t come up with anything interesting.” 

“Not really. I tried researching a bit, and there isn’t much we don’t already do. I’m starting to wonder if the only difference between a platonic and romantic relationship is physical intimacy. I’m sure we can reach a consensus though,” you added.  

Sunghoon groaned. “This is proving to be more difficult than I—”

“WAIT!” you interrupted him with an exclaim. “How about a picnic date? We’ve been talking about going on one with the rest of our friends for ages, but it’s never worked out. Let’s go—just the two of us. We can choose outfits for each other too! I’ll order you something online, and you do the same for me. We can spend the rest of our day doing whatever you want.” 

Sunghoon’s eyes widened. “That’s actually not a bad idea.”

“Right?” you giggled. “Maybe we can spread a blanket in the park under a tree and have a nice brunch. I’ll organise it!”

“I’ll take care of dinner and plan another activity for us to do between the two meals.” He grinned. “Looks like we might actually be able to pull this off, Y/N.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited to film a video,” you admitted.

Sunghoon’s heart fluttered, and his lips widened into a smile. “Me too.”

Everything was set. You’d received the dress Sunghoon had ordered for you, and he’d taken delivery of the one you’d bought for him.

Upon opening the package, Sunghoon was surprised to see you’d accidentally ended up matching outfits. While he’d chosen a white summer dress with blue flowers for you, you’d picked out a white graphic tee and low-rise, faded blue, baggy jeans for him. 

The fit was minimal—something that he would have purchased if he’d seen it in a mall. 

Grabbing a pair of sunglasses and running a hand through his messy hair, Sunghoon made a beeline for his car. He shot you a quick text regarding his ETA before backing the vehicle out of his driveway.

[hoon]: omw be there in 10

[y/n]: okie i’ll wait for u. call me when ur outside!!!!!!!!!

Averting his gaze to the road again, Sunghoon took a deep breath. He’d finally planned the perfect day out. It took a lot of effort and coordination on his part, but the several favours he had to call in were worth it. 

He’d probably gone over the top, especially considering the fact that this wasn’t even real, but he was determined not to half-ass anything. He had one chance, and he’d damn well make sure he didn’t waste it.

Turning the corner of your house, Sunghoon dialled your number. “I’m here.” 

“Coming,” you popped, the sound of your footsteps descending the stairs audible through the call. 

He grabbed the bouquet of flowers from the backseat, got rid of his sunglasses and exited the car. Your door opened a few seconds later, and Sunghoon’s world slipped from under his feet. 

God, you were beautiful. So beautiful and so fucking pretty in the dress he’d chosen for you. The material fit you perfectly—it accentuated your upper body and was flowy from your lower waist. The dress was almost ankle-length with a side slit that began at your upper thigh. Your shoulders and collar bones were exposed, a gold pendant filling the empty space the deep square neckline left in its wake. 

Your left shoulder was carrying a tote bag, and your right hand was holding a large picnic basket. Much to Sunghoon’s surprise, your free hand was wrapped around a bouquet too. 

Snapping himself out of his reverie, he took the basket from you and placed it inside the car. “You look amazing, sunshine,” he breathed. “Just—wow.”

Giggling, you did a little twirl for him. “Thanks! I love what you’ve done with your hair. It makes you more attractive.”

Sunghoon mock-saluted and bowed dramatically, a chuckle escaping his lips. “Took me ten minutes to style it.” Glancing at the flowers in your hand, he asked, “You got me flowers?” 

Maybe his eyesight was faulty, but Sunghoon felt your entire demeanour suddenly change. Tucking a stray strand behind your ear, you averted your gaze from his and shyly mumbled, “You took it upon yourself to plan the majority of the day. The least I could do was gift you some flowers.” 

Right when Sunghoon thought he couldn’t love you any more than he already did, you went ahead and did this. He’d never received flowers in his life before, and the gesture meant everything to him. 

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he took the bouquet from you. “Thank you,” he said, voice heavy with gratitude. “Don’t kill me, but I don’t know the name of these flowers.” 

Laughing, you pinched his cheek. “They’re asters.” 

“What do they mean?” 

“Why don’t you search it up when you go home?” you quipped. “Let me know once you find out.”  

Sunghoon shrugged and handed you the flowers he’d bought for you. “Sunflowers for my sunshine.” 

A wide grin broke across your lips. “They’re my favourite!” 

“I know, dummy,” he said, flicking your forehead and opening the passenger’s door for you. “That’s why I got them for you.” 

“Be nice!” you complained as he walked around the car. Taking a seat beside you, he started the engine and began driving. “I’m your girlfriend!” 

“I just opened the door for you,” Sunghoon pointed out, promptly ignoring the way his heart rate picked up. “I think I’m being gentlemanly enough.” 

“That’s not a word.”

“Is too.”

“Is not.”

“Is too.”

“This is why you get no bitches.”

“I got you.”

“Are you calling me a bitch?”

“I’m calling you mine.”

Snorting, you said, “Not your best save, Park.” 

Biting down the smile threatening to break across his lips, Sunghoon said, “I’ll survive, but you should really start recording.” 

“Right,” you gasped, your eyes widening. Fetching the DSLR from your tote bag and switching it on, you placed it on the dashboard carefully. After ensuring that the camera was rolling, you began, “I’m in the car with Sunghoon right now. He just picked me up, but I lowkey forgot to record it.”

“Y/N was too busy gawking at me,” Sunghoon teased and raised an eyebrow at the lens. “I’m too attractive for my own good.” 

“Nobody’s buying your bullshit.” You rolled your eyes. “But if you do think he looks cute, it’s because I chose his outfit.” 

“And if you think she looks beautiful, that’s because I chose her outfit.” 

You nodded. “He did. We thought kicking off the challenge this way would be cool. Clothes were ordered by both of us individually, which means neither of us had any idea what had been chosen by the other until we met ten minutes ago. Crazy how we still ended up matching.”

“We exchanged flowers too. Y/N got me asters, and I got her sunflowers.” 

“Hoon has no idea what asters signify,” you commented and nudged him with your elbow. “He didn’t even know the flowers I gifted him were asters.”

“Don’t shame me for not being a nerd!” Sunghoon defended himself. “Only you can be the kind of person who reads The Language of Flowers and indulges in floriography because they’re bored.” 

 “Aaaand the worst boyfriend award goes to this guy sitting right next to me,” you announced, shooting him a nasty glare. “He’s been annoying me from the moment he came to pick me up.”

“I opened the door for you!”

“How long are you going to milk the one gentlemanly thing you did?” 

Sunghoon scoffed in disbelief. “I thought gentlemanly wasn’t a word.”

“I lied,” you popped and grinned cheekily. 

“The problem with this relationship is you, woman, not me.”

Laughing, you turned to the camera again. “We’re going on multiple dates today. I’ve organised a picnic brunch, and Hoon has organised dinner.”

“It’s a surprise,” Sunghoon explained. “But I can assure you that it’s going to be the coolest thing ever.”

You hummed in agreement. “I believe him. He always gives the best surprises. Anyway, I’m going to stop recording now, and I’ll see you guys once we reach the park. I think we’re almost there.” 

“Five minutes,” Sunghoon provided. 

You grabbed the DSLR and brought it close to your face. Cupping your hand over the lens as if you were telling it a secret, you whispered, “T-minus five minutes to the best picnic date ever. Bye!”

Despite it being June and most kids being on vacation, the park wasn’t crowded. 

Even though it was almost 10:30 and the sun was merciless, there were plenty of people jogging on the track. Sunghoon spotted a laughter club in session a few hundred metres away from where you’d laid your blanket under the tree.

Thanks to the clear sky and blowing wind, more than a few people had taken out their own picnic baskets and decided to enjoy the weather. A bunch of middle-schoolers were playing basketball about fifty metres away from your tree, and though Sunghoon would have appreciated the peace, it was fun to watch them run around on the court. 

You’d set up the camera immediately upon arrival. Even though it was still rolling, neither of you were aware of it. It lay forgotten to the side, and as far as Sunghoon was concerned, it was just the two of you.

“It’s a beautiful day,” you mumbled, gathering your strands and tying them up in a messy bun. “Really fucking hot though.” 

“You have some relief, at least,” Sunghoon said, pointing at your exposed shoulders and flowing dress. “I’m fully covered and positively dying in here.” 

You smiled sheepishly. “Oops. That’s my bad.” 

Laughing, Sunghoon ran a hand through his hair. “What did you get for us to eat in that basket of yours?” he asked. “It was pretty heavy.” 

“Nothing much,” you answered and dragged the basket closer to you. Opening the lid, you pulled out Tupperware containing watermelons, muskmelons and mango slices. You’d also prepared a heart-shaped pizza and baked half a dozen macarons. Finally, you fetched a bottle filled with peach-iced tea and a pair of champagne glasses. 

Sunghoon gaped at the assortment of food you’d arranged. “Did you make everything by yourself?” 

“I wish,” you snorted. “Mom made the macarons and delivered them via FedEx. I don’t have the patience to bake.”

“Okay, but this is still crazy,” Sunghoon said, amazement evident in his tone. “The amount of effort you’ve put in is insane.” 

Blushing, you shoved his shoulder. “Stop! You’re embarrassing me!”

“I’m complimenting you!” he exclaimed, and served himself a piece of the pizza. “Bringing homemade food is the best thing you could’ve done. And God, this is delicious. I’m going to wife you right now.” 

You laughed incredulously. “Slow down, Romeo. We just started dating. How about you show me a good time first?” 

This. This was exactly the reason why Sunghoon didn’t entirely hate being stuck in the friend zone. Because no matter how much you told people you were just friends and there was nothing going on between the two of you, you were constantly flirting. 

The only reason he was afraid of confessing his feelings was that he didn’t know much of the flirting was real. It was the dynamic of your friendship—neither of you thought it was weird making suggestive comments. You were too comfortable with each other to let such things bother you. 

Sunghoon could no longer tell whether your relationship was still platonic. He was too hopelessly in love with you to keep knowing the difference between a joke and genuineness. His heart surged every time you said something only a romantic partner would, and his heart shattered every time he reminded himself that you didn’t actually mean it. 

You never meant it. 

But Sunghoon was a selfish person. He was going to take what he could get. He would rather be unintentionally strung along than give these moments up. The minuscule part of him that hated you for the pain you were causing him was nothing compared to the part of him that loved you unconditionally. 

Forcing himself out of his reverie, Sunghoon raised an eyebrow at you. “In front of everyone?”

“You’re so gross!” you snickered, your eyes shining with mischief. “I obviously mean when we get home!” 

I’m going to kill myself, Sunghoon thought. I’m going to kill myself before she kills me.   

The two of you had finished eating almost thirty minutes ago. Now, you were just lying on the blanket and staring at the sky, having conversations about the most random topics. 

You were talking shit about some know-it-all guy in your physics class, but Sunghoon wasn’t really paying any attention to what you were saying.

He was still stuck on what had happened an hour ago when you’d urged him to feed you because “that was what couples did.” 

Sunghoon didn’t give a shit what couples did. His biggest problem at the moment was his mind replaying the incident like a broken record. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. He’d already known he was being an idiot by agreeing to come on this date, but he never thought he’d regret his decision this quickly.

“Are you okay?” 

Blinking, Sunghoon spared you a glance. “Peachy.” 

“Those kids over there are calling us,” you told him, pointing to the basketball court. “We should go see what they want.” 

Nodding, he pulled himself to his feet and gave you a hand. Leaving the DSLR under the tree wouldn’t have been safe, so you grabbed it and the two of you made your way to the children waiting for you. 

“Hey,” a perky boy greeted you enthusiastically. “I’m Hyun. We’ve been playing basketball for the past several hours. The team that wins 6 out of 11 matches has to treat the other team to ice cream. Unfortunately, 2 of our friends left, and now it’s just the 6 of us divided into 2 teams. We really don’t want to play half-court, but we can’t play full-court with a team of only 3 each. Do you guys want to play the last few matches with us? One match only lasts 15 minutes.” 

Sunghoon exchanged a look with you. Then, you glanced at your spot under the tree. Lastly, you checked out your outfit—the slit exposing most of your leg and the lack of coverage for your shoulders.

“I have a pair of shorts and a shirt in my car,” he informed you. 

You took a moment to weigh your options. Honestly, playing in the open when the sun was out to torture everyone didn’t sound appealing. There was also the issue of you needing to switch outfits, and you didn’t know if you wanted to take the effort of changing inside Sunghoon’s car. 

But kids had always been your weak spot and the little rascals were staring you down with their puppy eyes. 

You sighed. “Fine. We’re in.”

“I haven’t played in a while,” Sunghoon admitted. “I think it’s been over 6 months.” 

“I haven’t played since varsity girls either,” you said. The kids had left to take a break a few minutes ago and the court was empty save for the two of you.

You’d changed into his clothes, but the shirt was too long for you. So, you’d requested him to tie the extra into a knot at the back. Thankfully, the shorts could be tightened at the waist with lace. 

Sunghoon could get used to you wearing his wardrobe. 

He idly dribbled the ball the kids had given to him for safekeeping while you stretched your stiff muscles. “Then I guess we get to evaluate whose skills have become more rusty.”

“Free shots?” you asked, eyes alight with a competitive fire and a smirk tugging at your lips. “We can test our aim and get a feel of the baskets on this court. It would be a good warm-up exercise.”  

Sunghoon poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue. “Bring your camera here. Record me from up close. I’m going to go for a layup.”

“Wow,” you scoffed but did as you were told nonetheless. Before stepping onto the court, you’d filmed Sunghoon and yourself, explaining that you were about to play basketball with a bunch of kids. Naturally, you’d decided not to record the match in order to respect the privacy of the children. “Don’t you think you’re getting ahead of yourself? I’m telling you right now that I won’t care if you miss the shot. I will use it to humiliate you in the video.” 

Sunghoon rolled his eyes. 

You switched on the DSLR and pointed the lens at him. “We’re doing free shots till the kids come back from their break,” you said. “Hoon’s convinced he can land a layup even though he hasn’t touched a ball for several months.” 

“Don’t condescend me,” Sunghoon grumbled as he walked to the 3-pointer line. “It’s not like I’ve completely forgotten how to play. I’m pretty sure I can nail a simple shot.”

“We’ll see.”

“You know what,” he called. “I’m going to dedicate this layup to you so that when I make it, you’ll know not to doubt my athletic prowess.”

All you did was raise an eyebrow. 

“This one’s for you, babe!” Sunghoon announced and began running. The ball was a number 6—smaller than the size 7 he was used to. The grip was worn due to excessive use, but he still had complete control over it. 

However, he misjudged the distance from the hoop. He realised a second too late that he’d taken the first step of the layup later than he was supposed to. 

The ball collided against the rim and rebounded.

“Air ball!” you hollered and zoomed into Sunghoon’s face. “Athletic prowess found to be missing! What a shame!” 

His cheeks, along with the tips of his ears, were red with embarrassment. He couldn’t even bring himself to look into the camera after making such a big fool out of himself.

“I am begging you, Y/N. Can we please edit that part out?” 

“I’m kicking your ass, Park.”

“I suggest you take the over-confidence down a notch.” 

You smirked, dribbling the basketball in place. Sunghoon was blocking the way to your side of the court, and each of the kids on your team had a man on them. Playing in the sun for so long must have tired them out because no one was making an effort to get rid of the shield standing in front of them.

The last match was a 1v1 at this point.  

“I’m not in the habit of lying,” you said, and dribbled the ball from between his legs. 

Sunghoon cursed under his breath and chased after you, but you were speeding away from him faster than he could keep up. The layup was clean and effortless. You barely broke a sweat. 

“SUCK IT!” you screamed. “Your team is going down!” 

Sunghoon rolled his eyes. He watched your team—Hyun, Chul and Dae—do the victory dance you’d taught them. It was hilarious because none of you had any coordination. The arm wave move made it seem as though all of you were having a seizure. 

“We still have fifteen seconds of the match left,” he pointed out, and pat Iseul’s back in reassurance. “Don’t go celebrating just yet.” 

 “You’re four points behind. Just admit defeat,” Dae said. “We’ve won!” 

“We’re not surrendering,” Hajoon said angrily. “Sunghoon will make sure we win.”

“Boys!” you interrupted loudly. “Let’s finish the championship sportingly. We’re playing for fun.” 

Chul muttered something under his breath that Sunghoon and you chose to ignore. 

“Seojoon,” Sunghoon called quietly. “Now that we have possession of the ball, I need you to pass it to me from below. Then I need Hajoon and Iseul to gang up on Y/N. Don’t push or shove; just keep her away. The worst thing we can do is commit a foul. The rest of the boys won’t be a problem, but I’ll need Seojoon to act as my shield in case they try to take the ball from me. Do not let anyone come near me under any circumstances. I’m going to go for a 5-pointer.”

The trio audibly gasped. 

Iseul nervously asked, “Are you sure you can score?” 

“Not without the three of you helping me out.” Sunghoon nodded. “Y/N is quick and slippery. Keep your eye on her. We’ll lose if she gets possession of the ball. I’ll take care of the rest.” 

The boys let out a sound of agreement and dispersed, taking their respective positions. 

Sunghoon searched for you, and when your gazes met, he made a gesture of slitting his throat. This time, you rolled your eyes and dismissed him without a word. 

“Let’s start,” you announced with a clap and got into position. He noticed you were standing away from the basket. The rest of your team was too. It dawned on Sunghoon that you’d positioned everyone in a way that would prevent them from committing a foul which would grant his team free throws. 

It was smart and reasonable of you to think that way. Sunghoon wasn’t known for landing 5-pointers. Heck, he never even attempted them. He usually went for layups and 3-pointers. 

Focusing on the game, he took a deep breath. Seojoon passed the ball at him as soon as you yelled Go!

Sunghoon dribbled to your side of the court immediately. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw you hesitate, but your mouth parted in realisation the second you caught onto what he was doing. 

“Stay on her!” he yelled at Iseul and Hajoon. “Don’t let her go.”

Sunghoon dodged the rest of your teammates. Seojoon wasn’t doing a good job at keeping them away, but he didn’t have enough time to dwell on it. He could do this by himself as long as you were out of the picture. 

Sunghoon eyed the basket and bent at his knees, gathering enough momentum to jump. He’d been hitting the gym more often, and he hoped to God his hard work wouldn’t fail him at such a crucial time. 

Exhaling once, Sunghoon jumped and let the ball fly across the court. The moment the ball was out of his hands, you crashed into him, knocking him to the ground and falling on top of him. 

“Ow,” he muttered, his arm wrapping itself around your waist on instinct. “That’s foul play.” 

Before you could bite back, Sunghoon heard someone scream, “No way! Sunghoon did it!” 

Sunghoon grinned and craned his neck to look at his teammates. A laugh tumbled past his lips when he saw them doing the floss dance and playfully teasing the losing team.

The sound of your groan made him avert his attention to you. You’d raised your head to find out whether Sunghoon had made the basket, and upon realising that you’d lost the match, you let it fall on his chest again. “Man,” you grumbled in defeat.

“Aw,” Sunghoon teased. “It happens to the best of us.”

“Who asked?”

Snorting, Sunghoon loosened his grip around your waist. Rolling off him, you laid down on your back in the middle of the court next to him. “Am I supposed to buy you ice cream now?” 

He checked his watch before answering, “Nah. Let’s go home and freshen up. It’s almost time for my date.”

“The beach,” you marvelled. Both of you were standing on a cliff overlooking the expanse of sand and water. “I should have guessed.” 

Sunghoon agreed. It shouldn’t have been hard to pinpoint the venue of the date once he’d requested you to wear shorts and sandals. However, your obliviousness had worked in his favour. 

The entire thing was supposed to be a surprise. It was supposed to sweep you off your feet.

He averted his attention from the ocean to find that you were already staring at him. A soft smile was adorning your face, and with the breeze ruffling your unbound hair, you looked nothing short of a fairy tale. 

“Do you remember the last time we came here?” you inquired, and returned your gaze to the view again. Sunghoon didn’t bother to take his eyes off you—he couldn’t take his eyes off you. The reflection of the sunset in your irises was too intoxicating. “Jay, Jake, Yizhuo and Isa were with us. We spent the entire night talking around a bonfire. I couldn’t keep myself awake once the clock struck two. You tucked me close and let me rest my head on the space between your shoulder and neck. You kissed my forehead and promised me you’d wake me up in a few hours.” 

Sunghoon didn’t say anything. He only kept staring at the image of the sunset in your eyes—the way the ocean consumed the ball of fire the same way his love for you consumed his very being. 

Love shouldn’t hurt this much, he thought. It shouldn’t be this painful.  

“I remember the way you smelt,” you continued. “Like vanilla and sandalwood. I remember wanting to pull you closer because you also smelt like home. I hated moving to a new city for college. I missed our hometown. I missed life being simpler. I missed the old times. But those brief moments before I fell asleep reminded me that not everything had changed. The clumsy boy I’d met in kindergarten was still with me. Sure, he was a bigger pain in my ass than he had been when we were kids, but he hadn’t left my side even once. And I knew he wouldn’t for a long time.”

“You’ve been the only constant in my life, Sunghoon,” you mumbled and turned your body towards his. Snaking your arms around his waist, you pulled him into a hug. “Thank you for being a good friend to me. I love you.”

And though Sunghoon knew you didn’t mean it the way he wished you did, he returned your embrace and confessed, “I love you too.” 

“What the fuck?” you whispered and let go of Sunghoon’s hand to jog ahead. “WHAT THE FUCK? IS THAT A CANDLELIGHT DINNER?” 

Laughing in amusement, he pocketed his hands and watched you freak out. The beach was usually crowded at this hour, but he’d asked Jake—the surfer of their group—if there was anywhere he could spend the evening undisturbed. 

“Your eyes do not deceive you,” he joked as he approached you. “I know it’s kind of corny, but this was the most romantic date setting I could think of.”

“Corny?” you exclaimed incredulously. “This is amazing!” Nudging him with your elbow, you teased, “I didn’t know you had it in you.” 

“You would have known a lot more if you’d asked me out before,” Sunghoon smirked, a suggestive undertone to his comment. “But I suppose we can make do with what we have now.”

You snorted. “You’re insufferable.” Then added, “I don’t want to shoot us having dinner here. Maybe I’ll just film the date set-up and our outfits, but I think I want this evening to remain between us only.”

“Oh.” Sunghoon raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, sure, that works for me. Do you want me to get your camera?” 

The next five minutes were spent recording the date he had organised. The food was prepared by Jay, whose chef father had taught him a thing or two before the boy moved to the city for college. Sunghoon had dragged Yizhuo and Isa with him to shop for decor. 

They’d bought a soft blanket which was now spread on the sand. He’d also purchased six couch pillows to make the setting cosier. Fairy lights covered the perimeter of the throw. 

The coffee table Sunghoon had stolen from himself and brought to the beach was filled with all kinds of your favourite food, a scented candle burning in the centre of it. 

Since he’d known he couldn’t escape you to set up everything that he’d planned, he’d begged his friends to do it for him. Obviously, they’d teased him about it on their group chat, but he’d ignored them the way he always did. 

“I have another surprise,” Sunghoon popped as the two of you settled down on opposite sides of the table. “I don’t know if you’re going to be up for it though.”

“Is it the wine?” you asked, eyeing the corked bottle partially hidden under one of the pillows. “Because I saw it long back, and I am all for getting drunk.” 

Sunghoon chuckled. “Nah, it’s not the wine, but yeah, we’re getting drunk. There’s absolutely no doubt about it. But,” he continued, “I’d been going through Pinterest to search for date ideas when I called you in the middle of your movie a few nights ago. After our talk, I remembered you’d made this board with Karina when you were a thirteen-year-old.”

You gasped and reached over the table to smack his arm. “You stalked my Pinterest?! That is so uncool! There’s tons of embarrassing shit on there! I should have privated those boards when I had the chance,” you muttered to yourself. 

“Then I wouldn’t have rented a projector for us to watch a movie after we finish dinner.” Sunghoon grinned cheekily. “We are not watching some sappy romcom though,” he warned. “Soap2Day came in clutch so we can watch Suzume or Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3. Your choice.”

Your mouth parted in surprise. For a few moments, you didn’t say anything. With a raised eyebrow, Sunghoon watched you struggle to form the words. “Okay, I know it was creepy to stalk you on Pinterest—” 

“NO!” you blurted, your eyes widening. “It’s not creepy! I just—No one has ever done anything of this sort for me. I don’t know what to say except… thank you.”

Before he could reply, you buried your face in your hands, and muttered, “Gosh, I sound so ungrateful, but I really do appreciate it. More than I can express.” Raising your head, you looked straight into his eyes. “I have this extremely strong urge to kiss you right now. Would it be fine with you if I acted on it?”

Sunghoon stopped breathing. His smile dropped, and his heart skipped a beat. The entire world could have crumbled, and he would have remained frozen in place, trying to make sense of what you’d just said. 

“W—what?��� he croaked. 

You broke off the eye contact and dropped your gaze to the ground. “Sorry. That was stupid of me—”

“Yes,” Sunghoon breathed. “Yes, it would be fine with me.” 

You exhaled, appearing visibly relieved, and that somehow made him feel better about the sharp turn the evening had taken. Of course, he was thrilled you wanted to kiss him, but part of him couldn’t help but wonder if you’d regretted voicing your thoughts. 

Licking your lips, you unfolded your legs and scooted away from the table. Instead of standing up, you got on your knees and made your way towards him.

Sunghoon also moved away from the table to make space for you, and once you reached him, you swung your legs on either side of him. Straddling his lap, you towered over him. 

Snaking your arms around his shoulder, you glanced at his mouth. 

Even though it was driving Sunghoon out of his mind to not close the distance between your lips, he let you take your time. You traced your thumb across his lower lip and then shifted your hand to the back of his neck. 

Weaving your fingers through his hair, you let your eyes flutter shut and lowered your mouth over his. 

Sunghoon’s entire universe exploded into shards of molten light. A tidal wave of emotions crashed into him, setting his nerves on fire and making fireworks explode inside his chest.

The boy couldn’t have kissed you back any faster. Tilting his head to the side, he pulled you closer by the nape. 

Settling in his lap, you tugged at his hair, the nails of your other hand digging into his shoulder. 

A groan slipped past Sunghoon’s lips. God, he’d coveted the taste of you for so long, and now that he was finally kissing you, he realised he’d never estimated the magnitude of his love for you accurately before. 

Because this… this was everything. Sunghoon felt on top of the world, and pure euphoria was coursing through his veins. He couldn’t get enough of you. A single kiss would never be enough to satiate him. The floodgates were thrown open, and the thought of this being a one-time, impulsive thing made his gut twist painfully. 

He knew he needed to tell you. Right here, right now, he needed to tell you the truth. 

“Y/N.” Sunghoon gasped, breaking the kiss. He was leaning back now, his weight resting on his left elbow. The desperation and urgency with which you’d come onto him had been more than he could handle. “I need to tell you something.” 

Your eyes remained glued to his lips and there was a tinge of disappointment on your face. As if you didn’t want to stop. As if you wanted to keep going. 

With a jolt, it dawned on him that you probably wanted him just as much as he wanted you.  

The epiphany alone was enough for Sunghoon to consider ditching his plan of confessing his feelings and instead close the distance between your mouths again. But, he steeled his nerves and pushed himself into a sitting position.

He didn’t bother asking you to get up from his lap nor did he bother removing his left hand from your waist. If this confession went sideways, he’d end up losing you anyway. 

“What is it?” you whispered, your disappointed expression giving way to concern and nervousness. “Did I go too far? I’m sorry—”

“Stop,” Sunghoon ground out. “Please stop. Let me speak.” 

You pursed your lips, but he could tell you were scared shitless. There was fear in your eyes, and he hated making you feel as though you’d done something wrong when you’d given him the one thing he’d wanted more than anything else.

“I…” Sunghoon started, forcing himself to find the courage to say the words. “Y/N, I love you.” 

There it was. He’d done it. The cat was out of the bag, and all he could do now was wait with bated breath. 

Your mouth parted open, but no sound came out of it. Your face was unreadable. It was void of any emotion. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Sunghoon tore his gaze from yours and let out a humourless laugh. “Right. That’s okay—”

But then he felt your hands grabbing his jaw, making him pin his attention on you again. 

There was pure, unadulterated joy on your countenance, a wide smile adorning your lips. “I love you too,” you breathed. “Oh, my God, Sunghoon, I love you too.” 

Sunghoon blinked. “What?” he mumbled, his mouth set in a pout due to your squishing his cheeks. 

You leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to his puckered lips. “I love you too,” you repeated. 

Gripping your hands, Sunghoon removed them from his face and stared up at you in bewilderment. “You’re serious?” 

“Hasn’t it been obvious to you?”

“Hasn’t it been obvious to you?” he shot back. “I’ve loved you since high school.”

You snorted. “So have I.” 

“Sophomore year.”

“Same.”

“I knew right after the homecoming ball.”

“Sucker!” you exclaimed. “I knew right after the game!” 

Sunghoon frowned. “It’s not a competition, Y/N,” he said, and then added, “But if it were, I would win. The amount of effort I’ve put into hiding my feelings is insane.”

“Sure,” you drawled. “That’s why all my followers keep saying it’s clear you’re in love with me.”

The tips of his ears turned red in embarrassment. “You saw the comments?” 

“Of course I did,” you answered, your voice soft. “I just never believed them. The notion never seemed possible. Isn’t it crazy how it was real this entire time?” 

Sunghoon chuckled. “We’re idiots.”

“We are,” you said, smiling at him in affection. “To be honest, I wouldn’t have ever said anything about what I truly felt if you hadn’t found the courage to confess to me.” 

“I know, I know,” you defended and rolled your eyes when he gave you a pointed look. “I did ask if I could kiss you. Trust me, I was more surprised than you were. Heck, I was fully prepared to play it off by spouting some bullshit in case you said no. What you did for me, Sunghoon… I couldn’t keep the urge inside me anymore. I didn’t care about the consequences. I didn’t care that there would be no turning back—I knew I had to take the risk. And I’m glad that I did.”

Sunghoon’s heart swelled with joy. “Me too.”

“Wait,” you said quickly. “How’d you know you were in love with me?”

Rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, he answered, “While we were dancing at homecoming. You didn’t have a single move in you, but you didn’t wanna be the only one not dancing, so you started doing what you’d learnt in Zumba. It was hilarious—watching you be clueless but still killing it on the dance floor. It made me proud of you, but more than that, it made me realise what I felt for you.” 

“Aw,” you cooed. “That’s really sweet of you, but I definitely knew what I was doing.”

“Let’s not ruin the moment by lying to each other.”

“You’re such a dork!” 

“It’s your turn now!” Sunghoon grinned. “Tell me!”

“Okay, but you have to promise not to judge me,” you warned. “My story is embarrassing.” 

Locking his pinkie with yours, he promised, “I won’t.”

“Remember how you sat with Yeojin at the game?” you asked, to which Sunghoon nodded. “Well, I’d been saving seats for us. I fought a lot of people to keep the seat next to me vacant, but you didn’t even acknowledge me when I called your name. Yeojin caught hold of you, and you went to sit with her without bothering to check if I was around.” Shrugging, you mumbled, “That made me mad and jealous and upset. Not just at her, but at both of you. I’d never been possessive over my friends, and I’d never felt such ugly emotions before. There was only one reasonable explanation.”

Sunghoon’s eyebrows flew up. “Woah. I’m sorry for what I did.”

“Nah, it’s cool. It was loud at the game and I don’t think you heard me.” You laughed and waved him away. “I was being petty. And I know it’s not cute like your story, but that was what made me realise there was a chance I loved you.”

“Cute or not, that was the best story I’ve ever heard,” he said cheekily. “Also, don’t get me wrong—I would love nothing more than have you sit in my lap, but I think we should finish dinner first. Let’s finish what you started once we’re done eating.”

Your eyes widened, and you scrambled away from him. “Right.”

“Wait!” Sunghoon grabbed your wrist before you could get up and go back to the other side of the table. “The asters—what do they signify?” 

You smiled and leaned closer to his face, pressing the gentlest of kisses to his cheek. 

“Love.” 

[writtenbyan-aries]

I spent a lot of time writing and rewriting this. Adding detail taking too much detail, so I figured I’d just start right when it gets good and go from there and make a KILLIONAIRES series.

This is Part One.

Warnings are for the WHOLE SERIES | SMUT18+, strong language, swearing, enemies to lovers, mentions of weapons, knives, guns, gunfire, KNIFE PLAY, blood, injuries, wounds, arguing, some physical fighting, mentions of drugs, smoking weed, mentions of car accident, fbi!reader, reader being restrained, kissing, biting, hair pulling, scratching, unprotected sex, creampie, oral (m rec), violence and filth

Word Count: 5.7k | unedited

PART ONE | PART TWO

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It’s been one body after another, sometimes two or three at once scene, if they are feeling up for it.

It’s been weeks and you and your team still don’t know who they are.

Billionaires are the target, why? No idea.

That was until you walked into the latest crime scene and the first thing that caught your attention was ‘They're not an inspiration, they're soulless scumbags’ spray painted on the wall in red.

“Heathers.” You snap and the officer turns towards you, “What’s up, y/n?” He looks from you to the wall and you tilt your head, “Did Gerald have any investments in anything?”

Heathers shakes his head, goes down over the report again, “Um.. oh wait.” He turns the paper towards you, pointing at something that sticks out.

“These people are after billionaires because they’re taking away from the people who barely have enough money to get by.” You turn towards the officer, “I need a list of people around here who have a background with the police.”

“Anything else?” He takes out his note pad and writes down what you told him. You shake your head, “No, as of right now I’m going to finish my look over here and then I’m going back to the station.”

“I can wait for you, take you back myself.” He shrugs and you nod, “Okay.” You smile as you walk away, finishing gathering everything you need.

You fill the chief in on what you told Heathers to do and he nods, “You’re onto something, y/l/n.” He looks around, “That thing Heathers pointed out, that I think was a plan that was talked about months ago.”

“What plan?” You tilt your head and he sighs, “A few people came together to buy an area of older apartment buildings on the west side of town.”

“The west side is where-“

“Exactly.”

You purse your lips, “Okay. I have everything here. I’m going to go back with Heathers to the station and start coming up with a list of possible suspects.”

“Thanks for coming on such short notice. You’re one of the best. We’re lucky to have you.” Chief smiles and you nod, “It’s the least I could do. You helped find the guy who shot my brother.”

“A few other officers are heading back to the station now.” Heathers walks up and you nod, “Alright. I just filled the chief in on everything.”

“I’ll be back soon.”

You both nod to the chief and head towards the car. As you get in, you let out a sigh, “I just can’t help but feel like we’re so close, you know?”

Heathers nods, “No, I know exactly what you mean.”

“Thank you for watching out for me. I know you and Ben were close.” You smile over at him, “I truly appreciate it, Heathers.”

He chuckles, “Would you please call me by my first name?” He shakes his head, coming to a stop at a red light, “Cody is not that card to remember.”

You laugh, “Sorry. Ben always calls you that, so it just stuck.”

“I just hope he’s back on his feet here soon.” He sighs, “Sucks that that even hap-“

Your body is jolted to the side, the air bags go off and glass flies everywhere. The sound of tires screeching to a stop fill your ears before you’re slammed back against the seat, falling unconscious.

——

You weren’t sure how long you were out for, but you were hurting.

You groaned as you lifted your head, but the pain in your neck caused it to fall back down. You heard distant bickering, “I told you not to hit the fucking passenger side of the car..”

“You fucking moron, you could have killed her. That’s not what we are trying to do.”

“Fucking Christ, I’m sorry if I missed the road and had to do a U turn… She’s here… what more do you fucking want from me?”

All of them were different voices.

You finally lifted your head, seeing four blurry figures in the distance. You tried to pull your hands, but your wrists were bound to the chair behind you, same with your ankles to the chair legs.

“H-hello.” You try to yell, but your voice was raspy. Your throat was dryer than fuck. You tried swallowing, trying to clear your throat before you yelled again, “Where the fuck, am I?”

“Shit. She’s awake.”

“Now if you look to your right, asshole.” The one figure motions towards you, but he’s talking to the other guy, “You’ll see that your target is alive.”

“Where’s Cody?” You ask, breathing heavy as the pain starts to set in worse, “Fuck.” You pull your wrists, but you freeze as the one man walks over and bends down between your knees, “I wouldn’t struggle sweetheart.”

Your eyes scan over his face, taking a mental image for when you do finally escape these psycho fucks, “Who are you?”

“Well, I’m Jake.” He lays a hand on his chest as he turns, pointing to each of the guys who walk forward behind him, “That’s Sam, Colby, and then the asshole who hit your side of the car when he was told not to, is Johnnie.”

“In my defense, I don’t have a license.” Johnnie shrugs and you just look at them so confused.

“So, by your face, I can tell you’re confused.” Jake moves to sit where he was just kneeling, his tattooed arms come up to wrap around his knees, “So let me break it down for you, y/n.”

“Where my badge.” You state and Jake just laughs, “y/n, sweetheart, I don’t need a badge to tell me who you are.”

Your heart thumps in your chest, what the fuck is happening?

“Listen. It’ll all make sense in a second, but right now..” Jake leans forward, “I want to know how bad you want to live.”

His statement makes your skin crawl.

“What do I need to do?” You ask, “Money? I can get money.”

“I mean, money wouldn’t be a bad idea, right?” Johnnie asks and Colby smacks him upside the head, “Can you be serious for once in your fucking life?”

Why were these men so hot?

No. No. Stop that.

You clear your throat again, “Can, I.. get some water please?” You look up between the guy on the floor and the blonde who speaks, “Oh she’s polite?” He raises his brows as he walks over with a water bottle, “Didn’t expect that.”

He opens it and holds it up to your lips, allowing you to get a long awaited drink. You lean back, looking down, “I’m not going to pass out or start foaming at the mouth in two minutes am I?”

“She’s funny.” Colby says tilting his head, “No, y/n. You aren’t. But.. Why are you so calm?”

“I’m an FBI agent, but..” you tilt your head to Jake, “I’m sure you already knew that.”

Jake smirks and nods, “Yeah, we’ve been, well.. I’ve been following you for a while. You’re the talk of the town you know. Super sexy fbi agent solves ten year mystery in a week.”

“What’s your point?” You sigh and Jake tilts his head, “You are going to be our little spy.”

“Your little spy?” You furrow your brows and then it all clicks, “Killionaires.”

“What did you just say?” Jake asks leaning in and you swallow, “Each case we have we give nicknames too. I’m assuming.. you’re the ones who are killing the soulless scumbags who aren’t an inspiration to any?”

Jake purses his lips, a smirk forming as he nods, “You got my message.”

“I was literally at that scene.. well, I don’t know how long I’ve been.. here.” You look around and Jake shrugs, “Five hours, give or take.. and we left your fuck buddy super trooper in the car, along with your phone and anything else that could be tracked.”

You stare at Jake, “How do you know about that?”

He smirks, letting out a sigh, “Like I said. You’re the talk of the town, babe. I knew they were going to bring you in for us, so as soon as we started planning this, I had to get a head of you.”

“You fucking stalked me?” You scoff, “What the fuck.“

“Like I said. Right now, I want to know just how much your life is worth to you.” Jake stands up, “When ever you’re ready to tell me I’ll c-“

“I want to live. Okay.” You look up at Jake and he walks over to you, hands resting on the arm rests as he is inches away from your face, “I don’t think I believe you.”

You lean in, getting closer, “Do you want me to fucking cry? Beg for my life?”

Jake shrugs, eyes moving from your lips back up to your eyes, ���Why do you want to live?” You hold your ground, “You seem to know all about me, you tell me.”

Jake chuckles, looking back to his friends then back to you. His laugh stops as soon as his hand is around your throat, a gasp from the sudden action escapes your lips, “The attitude was hot at first, but now you’re just pissing me off.”

A smile forms on your lips and he scoffs, shaking his head as he stares down at you. His voice is low, “I couldn’t kill you even if I had to.”

He runs his thumb over your bottom lip and you snap your head away, “If that’s why you br-“

“No. We brought you here because you can help us take out all the billionaires easier, fucking rob their bodies for what they got. Give back to what they want to take away and leave them out to fucking rot.”

You couldn’t lie. The motive behind Jake, and friend’s, ongoing crime, was valid, but with you being an active investigator, you were sworn to put these guys behind bars, not become a pawn in their scheme.

“We just want you to get information for us, mainly people who are really fucking people over.” Sam steps up and you look over at him, “What’s in it for me? Like.. I help you, I go to prison.”

You scoff, “Do you know what they do to agents in prison?”

“That’s the thing, sweetheart. You help us, we help you.” Jake explains, “All we want is the information on who’s planning to buy and knock down that hospital.”

You knew exactly what he was talking about, too.

“That hospital is in an area where kids are constantly falling and getting hurt. You have to see that we aren’t doing this just to get a thrill out of killing.” Colby steps up, “I mean, they deserve it, so it’s very satisfying, but we do it because we want to help people and no one wants to do anything about it.”

You look between them, your breathing growing more rapid, “Yeah, m’gonna pass o-“

——

You bring your hand up to your face, rubbing your eye before you stop. You pull your hand away and open your eyes, sitting up quickly when you realized you weren’t tied to the chair anymore.

You sit up quickly, and a little too quick at that, “Fuck.”

“Yeah I wouldn’t move, too fast.” Sam’s voice causes you to jump, “Sorry.” He chuckles, “Jake still thinks you’re a flight risk.”

You raise your brows, rubbing your hands on your wrists, “So where are we?”

“About three hours from New York City.”

You were surprised Sam told you, but then again, you felt oddly safe with them. You didn’t feel like you needed to be ready to fight off someone.

You didn’t feel on edge.

“Are you going to kill me?” You look over at Sam and he shakes his head as he stands up, walking over to meet Jake when he walks in, “Hey.”

You nod, “Hi.”

“Do you remember our-“

“Yes.” You cut him off, “I do.”

He nods, staring at you for a few seconds, “Do you hurt? Do you need anything?” He reaches up, fingers gently brushing over your bruised cheek, “Anything at all. You tell me, okay?”

Your eyes stay locked on his and you nod, “Thank you.”

He leans back, “We’re going back towards the city. If you made up your mind, we can take you back with us and you can walk in saying you don’t remember anything.. or-“

“I don’t want to die, Jake. I told you that.” You stand up, closing your eyes as you feel dizzy, “I’ll get you the information, but you have to keep my name out of it if you get caught.”

“That wasn’t the deal.” Jake shakes his head and you scoff, “You said, if I help you you help me-“

“We’ll be back.” Jake turns around and you walk over to him, “I’m coming with you!” You push his back and he turns around, leaning over you.

You lean back slightly as you stare up at him, “I’m coming.”

He tilts his head, “I would know if you are.” He winks and you roll your eyes, stepping back as you cross your arms, “What do I have to do to get you to believe that I won’t snitch?”

“I’ll get you the guy that wants your brother dead.”

You freeze, “W-what? No.. that can’t be possible the guy that shot him is-” Jake cuts you off, “A cover up for the guy who actually did it.”

You stare at him, “Who.”

He shakes his head, “No. Not until I get the information I want.” You step closer to Jake, “I promise I won’t do anything. I just want a name.”

“We all want names, y/n. The faster you get me what I want, the faster you get what you want.” Jake tilts his head, “Do we have a deal?”

You chew on your lip for a few seconds before sighing, “If you’re lying to me, I’ll kill you myself.” You lay your hand into his and shake it as he smirks, “Feelings mutual, babe.”

——

“I just want you to know that you’re safe.” Jake’s voice breaks the silence and you look over at him, “What do you mean?”

“With us. Without us. Either way. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” You laugh slightly, “I just don’t.. know how you expect me to be okay with this.”

“The only thing I expect from you is names, y/n. Everything else is on you.” Jake shakes his head, “I don’t want to kill you. If I wanted you dead or even thought about wanting you dead, you’d be dead.”

“You’re a killer, either way, Jake.”

“I’m a goddamn hero.”

You scoff, “Whatever. I’m going now.” Jake laughs, “Could have went twenty minutes ago.”

You roll your eyes, “No one told me that. I’m afraid if I make any sudden movement I’ll be sniped on site.”

Jake snickers as he shakes his head, “I’ll be seeing you around, y/n. Good luck.” You don’t say anything, you just get out and start walking down the dark alley. You did look pretty beat up, so wandering away from the scene is more than likely a believable story.

You hoped it was, at least.

You walk in and three officers quickly rush over to you, “Oh my god.”

“Someone get the Cheif!”

“Y/n, hey. What happened, where were you?”

You looked around before you pretended to pass out again, dropping to the floor. You laid there, eyes closed as you focused on your encounter with the Killionaires.

You feel people moving you, trying to shake you awake, but you don’t budge. You give it a few more minutes before you snap your eyes open and gasp.

“We have an ambulance coming for you, y/n.” The chief says as he bends down, “Can you tell us what happened?”

You shake your head, “I-I do-n’t.” You couldn’t lie, the feeling of agreeing to do this was weighing on you hard, but at the same time, you felt more safe with a group of random killers than you do right now.

You didn’t know what to do but start crying, “The acci-dent.. Cody..” you look up, “I-is he okay?”

The chief nods, “He’s in the hospital still, but he’s been asking about you. He woke up and you were gone. No one knew where you were.”

You let out a sigh, “O-okay.”

The EMT’s come in, telling people to make room and you’re taking to the hospital.

You were admitted almost immediately. They wanted to run all the tests so you were stuck there for a night.

It wasn’t long before Cody was pushed in, smiling as soon as he sees you, “Where the heck did you go?” You shrug your shoulders, “I couldn’t tell you, Heathers.”

He tilts his head, “Y/n.”

You sigh, “Cody. Right, sorry.” He shakes his head, “You call me whatever you want.” You smile and let out a sigh, “I remember I was in the cruiser with you, then we were hit and then I blacked out for a while.. I must have gotten out and went to the woods or something because I woke up under a tree.”

“You’re lucky to still be here. The damage to the car is.. I’m surprised you’re still here.” He moves closer and takes your hand into his.

“Was it a drunk driver?” You ask and he shrugs, “It was just me at the scene when someone else came rolling up onto it and called it in. I’m not even sure what happened myself.

Good, good, you think to yourself, “Hopfully we can figure it out. When are they discharging you?” He shrugs, hopfully this afternoon.”

“What time is it? What day is it?” You look around and Cody squeezes your hand, “Hey. Relax. It’s nine thirty in the morning and it’s Wednesday. The accident happened last night around seven.”

Sounds about right, or at least you thought it did.

You relax into the bed, “So I was thinking.” Cody chuckles, “When are you not thinking?” You smile and shrug, “I’m not sure, but anyway. I want to look into getting information about that hospital that’s closing its doors, maybe we help it stay open, get better supplies for it. There’s a lot of kids in that area, Cody.”

He stays quiet for a few minutes as he thinks, “We can move the families and such into protective custody.” He nods, “Y/n. That’s genius.”

Oh fuck.

You swallow, “Y-yeah. It is.”

——

“Everything came back normal. You were dehydrated and you’ll have a few bumps and bruises the next few weeks, but you’re going to make a full recovery.” The doctor smiles at you, closing your folder, “I’d stay out of work a few days, but other than that. You’re good to go home.”

You nod, moving the blankets off of your legs, “Thank you so much.”

“I’ll have someone come in and remove that IV for you.”

You nod and rest your head back, waiting patiently for the nurse to come in, which is rather fast in your opinion. She comes in smiling, settting stuff beside you before grabbing gloves.

There’s a knock on the door and it slides open, “I hear they’re discharging you. Is it safe to come in?”

“Yes, Cody. You can come in.” You laugh slightly as you watch him walk in. The girl puts a bandage on your arm and walks out.

“I just have to change and then I’m free to leave.” You stand up and Cody moves next to you. As much as you liked Cody, and as much as you shouldn’t, you couldn’t stop thinking about Jake.

“Y/n?”

“What?” You look up at him, “Sorry. I’m so tired.” You laugh slightly as you move your hair for him to untie your gown.

“I brought you a change of clothes. I figured you wouldn’t want to put your dirty ones back on.” He lays the stuff on the bed and you nod, “Thank you.”

——

Cody walks you up to your door and you get this odd feeling not to let him in, “Thank you, again. I will be sure to give my brother a call and let him know that I’m home safe and sound.”

“I can stay if you-“

You cut him off, “It’s okay. I’m home. I’m going to be home. I’ll call if I need anything.” You reach out and touch his arm, “You’ve done so much for me already.”

He nods, leaning in to kiss your forehead, “I mean anything.”

You nod, “I know.” You watch as he walks back to his car and as soon as you turn back to your door, you twist the knob.

To which is already unlocked.

“Welcome home, sweetheart.” Jake says as he stands up from your couch, “Cute little place you got here. It’s nice to actually see the inside.”

You close your door, letting out a sigh as you set your paperwork on the counter, “Do you have to make everything weird?”

He walks over and leans down on the counter, “I mean, I’m just that kind of guy I guess.” He smiles and you aren’t sure if it’s the pain killers, or what but you liked his smile.

“What did they give you for pain, y/n?” You toss the bag with the medicine bottle inside and he nods, “C’mon. I have something better for you.”

He holds his hand out and you feel like you have no other choice but to follow his orders, you and now your brother’s lives are at stake.

You intertwine your fingers with his and he leads you outback to your patio. It was fairly private, so you didn’t have to worry about nosey neighbors snitching on you to your bother, or even Cody.

You sit down on the patio couch, Jake sitting next to you after pulling something from his pocket. Your eyes go wide when you see what he’s lighting and you stand up, “Jake. I cannot do that.”

“Just sit down. You don’t do it regular so it’ll be out of your system in like three, I don’t know five days tops?” He takes a hit and you don’t know if it would be considered Stockholm syndrome or what, but you felt like you needed this man sitting before you.

“You said three days?” You ask sitting down next to him and he nods, exhaling the smoke, “Three days, baby.”

“Don’t call me that.” You scrunch up your nose, slowly bringing the joint to your lips and inhaling. You close your eyes, instantly feeling the high setting in, “It’s weird.” You breathe out, handing it back to Jake.

“Take another, sweetheart. You deserve it.” He pushes your hand back up to your lips, encouraging you to take another hit, to which you do.

Your body relax into the patio couch, you cough with this one, covering your mouth as Jake takes the joint from your fingers.

Once you calm down, Jake looks at you, “Why do you trust me?”

“I don’t.”

“Yes you do. Otherwise you wouldn’t have drank the water, hit this joint, or even sat in the car with me for twenty minutes when you could have left.”

“I was thirsty enough. I’m in that much pain, and I didn’t know if I was going to get shot or now.” You shrug, smirking as he just stares at you.

You tilt your head, “Why don’t you want to kill me?”

Jake laughs, giving you back the joint, “Alright, now you’re pushing it.” He looks over at you as you take another drag, “You can get something I need. Why would I want to get rid of something that benefits me?”

“I mean..” You exhale the smoke, “..I guess that’s fair. I don’t know.” You shrug with a laugh. Jake shakes his head, “You are pretty hot. I will give you that, too.”

“You’re not so bad lookin’ yourself, you know.” You purse your lips, “So what else do you want from me? I feel like you’re being too lenient with me. Aren’t murders supposed to be. scary?”

“You’re saying you’re not even the slightest bit scared of me, or any of my friends you’ve met?” Jake raises his brows and you nod, “I wouldn’t be sitting here, doing something I shouldn’t be doing, with someone like you.”

“I’m just..” he shakes his head, “Amazed, I guess? I was expecting you to put up a fight once you woke up.”

“Well, with the way Johnnie hit me, I won’t be fighting for a few weeks.” You sigh, “So what? Are you just going to keep killing?”

“While you work to get me the names I need, yes.”

You nod, “Okay.” You look down, “I know this is wrong.. but..” You look out into your yard and Jake tilts his head, “Say it, baby.”

You side eye him about the nickname and shake your head, “I agree with what you’re doing. I do, I’m just.. also under oath to protect and serve and this is not me protecting and serving.”

Jake turns towards you, hand reaching out to gently turn your head towards him, “I promise, y/n. When this is all said and done, you won’t have to worry about anything ever again.”

“I just want my name kept out of it. I can’t go to prison, Jake.”

He nods, “You’re too pretty for that place, they would eat you alive, literally.” He smirks slightly and you roll your eyes, “Oh my god. You’re right, but knock it off.”

He smiles and you shake your head, “I’m serious. I’ll get you the list of names, but that’s it.”

“Can you do one other thing for me?” Jake tilts his head and you sigh, “What.”

“I’ve always wanted to cross off fucking an FBI agent off of my bucket list.” He smirks and you stand up, “We can’t do that, we might fall in love.”

Jake stands up, following you inside, “What’s so wrong about that?”

“Everything is wrong about that. My life is on the line no matter which way you look.” You take a deep breath, “I’ll make a call, I’ll have an officer bring everything to me. I’ll have someone email me a list of potential names but Jake..”

“What?”

“You have to move fast.” You swallow, “I said something about getting a list of names and they’re probably already looking at moving them into protective custody.”

His jaw clenches and you could tell he was pissed, but he wasn’t going to take it out on you, “I gotta go. If we’re doing this, you need to get that shit tonight.”

He walks towards your back door and you just stand there, you didn’t know what to do about this situation. The only thing you could really do in general is get that case information brought over, as soon as possible.

——

You stand up as there’s a knock on your door. As you make your way over to look out, you see an officer from the station and you let out a slight sigh of relief.

“Hey Nat.” You smile, moving away so she can bring in the box, “You can just get it down on my coffee table in the living room.”

You close the door and walk in. She looks up at you, “How are you feeling?”

You shrug, “Doc gave me pain meds. They seem to be helping. I want to come back.”

“You take all the time you need, we aren’t sure what this accident was, and if it was about the current case..” She shakes her head, “We need you safe.”

“I know. I know.” You laugh slightly, “I get so stir crazy. Nothing like this has happened to me before.”

Especially the part where you were kidnapped and bribed by the current suspects in a massive case.

“I get off at five. I can bring dinner?” She tilts her head and you nod, “Please.”

She gets a call in her radio and she raises her brows at you as she answers, “McAndrews responding.” She looks up at you, “Duty calls.”

You smile and walk over to the door, closing it as she runs down the steps. You turn around and gasp, body jolting as you see Jake and Colby standing there.

“Sorry.” Colby laughs, “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Uh huh.” You walk but then stop, “We’re you watching me?” You look at Jake and he smirks, “How was your nap?”

You ignore him and walk back into the living room, “This is everything, but go into my bedroom or something. They’re going to have people checking in and doing surveillance.”

Jake bites his lower lip, looking at you as Colby grabs the box, “The list of names in there?”

You hold your stare on his, “Should be right on top.”

His eyes move down to your lips and he smirks, “Thank you Agent Y/l/n.” He goes to turn and you grab his arm, his head snapping down to look at your hand, “What.”

“Where’s your end of the deal?” You push him to face you and he steps closer to you, “I don’t think you can handle taking care of a man like this.”

“What makes you say that?”

At this point you were both whispering to each other, bodies inches from each others, anger rising quickly within you, “Huh?”

He raises his brows, “I think, you’re all bark. No bite. You shoot when you have to, not when you want to.“

“What aren’t you telling me?” You furrow your brows and Jake chuckles, “What do you mean?” You shake your head, “There’s more to it, Jake. Isn’t there?”

He shakes his head, looking away as he tries to figure out something to say.

You challenged him more than he knew, and that’s never happened to him before.

“You’re smart.” He says as he looks back at you, “Figure it out yourself.” He goes to walk away and you don’t even think, you shove him in the back and he whips around, backing you into the wall.

He just stares down at you. You clench your jaw, hands pushing into his chest, “We had a deal.”

“Yeah? And? What are you going to do? Turn us into the cops?” He leans in close, lips brushing against yours, “Let me tell you something, sweetheart, we go down. you go down, too.”

You watch as he leans back, looking you up and down, “I see why your best friend’s brother loves to come over after shifts. I wouldn’t be able to stay away from the fire either.”

He walks backwards, turning as you stay silent and watch him go back the hall.

You couldn’t lie, you were absolutely flustered, but pissed.

You walked back the hall, leaning against the doorframe as you watched them go through the folders, “Try and keep everything where it was please.”

Your voice was quiet and Colby looks up, giving you a nod, “We will.” There’s a knock on your door and you whip your head over, “I don’t know who that is, so just please. Go into the guest room and please..” you look at Jake with a pleading look, “Stay in there.”

He stares at you as another knock on the door sounds and he nods to Colby, “C’mon.”

You watch as they go in, “They look in the windows, stay hidden.”

“I know the drill, babe.” Jake winks as he closes the door and locks it. You sigh as you rush to the door, opening it to reveal the chief of police, “Hey, y/n. How are you feeling?”

You motion for him to come in, “I’ve been better.” You laugh slightly and he nods, turning to look at you, “Yeah, yeah. Did McAndrews being over the files and stuff that you asked for?”

You nod, “She did. I actually, passed out while going over them.”

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” He shakes his head, “I just came by to tell you that we decided that since we have no information on the other driver of vehicle, I’m going to have an officer posted here until we get to the bottom of this.”

“Whatever works best for you, Chief.” You smile and he walks towards the door, “If you need anything at all. Please do not hesitate to let whoever know. You know all of them.”

You laugh as you open the door, “Thank you. I’ll be sure to keep them in the loop.”

“Alright. Rest up, don’t strain yourself.” He points and you point back, “You know I can’t help it.” You close the door and let out a sigh, locking it before going back to your bedroom.

“I told you to-“

“I know what you said.” Jake says, “But we don’t have time to waste.” He stands up, “Colby. We got it.”

Colby moves, glancing at you as he walks by you. Jake stops right infront of you, chest almost on yours, “I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.”

He leans in, gently pressing his lips to your temple and you close your eyes, taking in a slow breath as he tilts his head down, lips right at your ear as he whispers, “I hope this was enough time for you to fall in love with me.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

“I’ll think of you when I do.” He winks and leaves with Colby, sneaking out without a trace of them even being there.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

Holy fuck. Okay. Please for the love of Jake Webber tell me how this was !! I need to know! I love you all, thank you so so so much for waiting on this, I know it’s not exactly what I had originally planned, but TRUST!

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!

[traversety]

mona getting sick of waiting on gala to actually do anything (this is going to take multiple posts)

hi @gala-xyzz isnt writing so im gonna slowly work my way through my favorite bit of her sky au which i am totally normal and not sick in the head about. its almost 1am someone stop me.

this is the first bit bc i cant keep going rn ;-;

They found Mayhem standing at Eden's gate. He was staring deep into the rich red light the inner depths of the gate cast outwards, so still and motionless that he seemed dead or frozen.

Zumi tugged on his cape. "Mayhem? Why are you standing and staring into that big creepy light?"

Like a freshly wound music-box, Mayhem snapped to life, jolting and stepping back so quickly that he crashed into Zumi and knocked her over. "Oh, shit, sorry, uh. Wow. Fuck, didn't realize you guys were here already."

"Well," Vega snapped, "it's one in the morning, and you said you wanted to talk. So talk. If Lyra somehow wakes up and realizes I've left the house after I just got back—"

"—She's going to lock you up in your room like a damsel in distress, I know." Mayhem let out a spiteful chuckle and rolled his eyes before continuing. "Look, Ringer and I didn't tell you guys about this, we really, really didn't want to, but I've been thinking about it since we came back home. And Ringer thinks we should tell you."

The girls turned around to look at Ringer, who was hovering shyly near Sesha. Even beneath his mask, there was a visible flush on his face. "Um… Mayhem and I… we… oh, how do I-"

"JUST TELL US!" Zumi screeched.

A sigh. "Once Mayhem and I were done making our report to the Elders about Ismyth, we were about to head home and… well, Ismyth came. Physically."

A heavy mist of silence graced the air in the moments after that announcement. Zumi started to scream again, but Sesha quickly clapped a hand over her mouth. "Zumi, shut it, you're going to wake the entire village-"

"He WHAT." Vega's tone was furious. "I thought he said he couldn't get into the Vault physically! I thought he could only present himself physically in the Wasteland!"

Ringer sighed again. "It only gets worse from there. He congratulated us for completing a pilgrimage, and then said that if wanted to make the final push, make it a real pilgrimage, he'd…" Ringer seemed to be choking on his words like they were poisoned.

Mayhem cut in and finished for him. "He said if we went to the Storm he'd tell us every fucking secret he's held back from us. Who he is, what's his deal, all the shit. Everything."

Sesha, still keeping a tight rein on Zumi, said, "We're not going. Absolutely not. Not a single one of us is going there. We just can't! Are you crazy?! No! Vega's core is too fragile, Zumi's too young, and besides, we're all still on official lockdown! Even if I wanted to go, we couldn't because of these two!"

Zumi looked ready to have Mister Cuddles chop Sesha's hand off at a single kick. Although, there was already a fair amount of kicking, so the crab probably wouldn't get the signal. Hopefully. Maybe.

"Look," Mayhem said, grabbing his staff off his back and gesturing towards Eden, "I don't like going in there anymore since my accident, you all know that, but I am ready to march in there all by myself for no other reason besides finding that fucking prick and beating the light from his core for my own enjoyment, lockdown or no lockdown. We might as well get some answers out of it, okay? And Ringer can get his first pilgrimage properly finished! It's a win on every side! I get to claw Ismyth to bits, we finally get the answers we've wanted, and Ringer gets to finish the pilgrimage! I saw we go, and we go now."

Vega gripped Mayhem's shoulder. "You're crazy. I'm going to die if I go in there. That's what the physicians all told me. We can't go in there."

Zumi finally broke free of Sesha's grasp. "I agree with Mayhem!"

Ringer's face broke out into a panic. "Zumi, we're under orders from the Elders to stay here and you can't-"

"I DON'T CARE! I AM SICK OF BEING TOLD NO AND I WANT ANSWERS!"

Before anyone could even try to stop her, Zumi dashed through Eden's gate.

"I change my mind," Vega said. "We can't just let her go by herself."

*****

[osamufication]

enigma

pairing: dazai x reader

warnings: none, just soft fluff♡

wc: 520

a/n: i wrote this when i was sad lol

Dazai is, to most, an enigma. 

His true feelings and motivations stay locked in a safe, so much so that even he forgets who he really is at times. Those who tried breaking open the safe were laughably unsuccessful. There have been those he tricked into thinking they really knew him, only to be left alone in the dark. 

But you didn’t try, you didn’t judge, you trusted him. An unwavering trust Dazai had only ever felt from one other person in his life. It took time, and patience, but eventually Dazai simply handed you the key. He allowed you to finally look inside that infinitely brilliant and broken mind of his. 

You place your mug of tea on the ring-stained coffee table before taking a seat amongst the cushions on the couch. You pull out your phone, deciding to indulge in a while of mindless scrolling. You rhythmically swipe and and sip your tea, late afternoon sunbeams lighting up the room. 

A while passes, the sun almost entirely disappearing over the horizon, when the front door clicks open. You smile softly as Dazai wanders in, kicking off his shoes and shrugging off his coat. He greets you with a tired grin, “I’ve missed you today darling.”

You scoot up to give him room to sit beside you, “Looks like you had a rough day, wanna talk about it?” 

He shakes his head, “Not particularly, no.” He glances down at you, a playful glint in his eyes, “But I know what I do want.”

Before you can ask, Dazai unceremoniously flops down on top of you, making you screech. You want to scold him for scaring you, but his gleeful laughter stops you. He buries his face against your neck, leaving a soft kiss against your skin. You weave your fingers through his hair and tug softly, fingertips softly rubbing into his scalp. He lets out a long, slow breath, his body fully relaxing against yours. 

“You’re far too good for me.” He mumbles.

“Don’t talk like that, Osamu.” you flick his ear softly.

He gasps loudly, “I never thought my dear beloved would resort to physical abuse! I take it back, you're terrible.”

You chuckle and roll your eyes, “Says the one who pinned me down and tickled me for five minutes until I nearly peed myself.”

Dazai starts laughing again, almost obnoxiously loud. In fact, you’re almost sure if anyone else heard him they would think he is obnoxious. But to you, his laughter, his smile, his jokes, and even his dramatics are worth the world. You’ll never understand why he chose you, why he handed you the precious key, but you’ll always be grateful that he did.

“Hey Osamu?”

To most, Osamu Dazai is an enigma. The man is notoriously hard to read, one can never know what he’s thinking.

“What is it darling?”

Even so, one look into his tired brown eyes and you know; you can hear his thoughts loud and clear.

“I love you.”

But you can’t deny, it feels indescribably wonderful when you get to hear him say it.

“I love you more.”

[namfinessed]

on repeat - m.yg.

genre: major angst, a bit of fluff at the end (timeloop! character death!) (7.2k)

summary: yoongi gets stuck in a vicious cycle where he can't seem to propose to you, nor save you from dying in his arms.

masterpost

he was going to propose to you.

that was the plan, the night was supposed to end with you in his arms, a dazzling smile on your face and his heart bursting at the seams with his love for you.

but yoongi is mute, rigid, a velvet box pressed against his thigh uncomfortably, a future with the ring inside it seemed impossible.

you sat, some distance away, a country away it seemed like to yoongi, you too were mute, and rigid but you were restless with anger that frankly, scared him.

the cab rumbled beneath his feet and his throat bobbed constantly, zayn malik’s ‘cruel’ buzzed over the air but it did nothing to ease the tension between you two.

‘back where we left off,

help you take your dress off,

i’ve been by myself, remembering you.’

he didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know if he could say anything.

he sees his hand which lay next to yours, he could reach out, touch it, apologize, pull you in, let you yell at him but instead, he retracts it into his lap and folds it in defeat.

your nails dig into the leather of the car seat, so intensely, so painfully, and your jaw stays tight.

“can we-“

“don’t.” your warning hits him in a wave, you never speak to him like that, and you never look at him as if you could walk away from everything you’ve built together but you do now, you do now and yoongi feels like he’s falling into an abyss of failure.

yoongi slumps into his seat, eyeing the seconds ticking by on his watch, anxiety building so largely in his chest that he has to sit up, to let it dissipate physically.

“this isn’t fair,” he utters finally and you scoff, chin trembling, “tough luck, yoongi.”

he shakes his head, “how are we going to sort this out if you’re being like this?”

“we? there’s no ‘we’ here, yoongi, you have to sort this out,” you spit it out, body lurching forward in defense and yoongi drowns once again, in shame, in guilt, in a vicious cocktail of emotions that only you make him feel.

“okay fine, how am i supposed to sort this out?” he turns to face you, just as the cab pulls to a stop at the curb, the tires screeching under him irritates yoongi, but he keeps looking at you.

and he notices something he didn’t before.

a single tear falls out of your eyes and travels down your jaw, so slowly that yoongi feels he could draw it as it moves.

you never cry, not at movies, not at songs, not at anniversaries, yoongi had hoped he would make you cry today but not this way; he was hoping to see you so overjoyed that tears leaked without your permission.

but not this, not this strange, broken, lost tear that gets quickly wiped away by you.

“figure it out.” you declare and step out of the car, slamming it shut in the process and yoongi falls back on his seat, stunned and mournful as the weeds of grief sow into his heart.

you never cry.

-

yoongi buttons his suit, a cold expression on his face as he follows you into the rousing club, the rousing club he owned, the rousing club where you performed as a singer, this was where you met, this was where your love grew, this was where yoongi knew would be perfect for proposing to you.

but as you stomped in your tallest heels in front of him, your dress flowing behind you in an ethereal way, yoongi felt like he’d gone back to the day when he saw your audition, you had looked out of this world, so out of his league, so painfully beautiful but his heart tugged him towards you, in a way that was out of his control.

and you had taken his heart in, caged it in your palms, and never set it free, yoongi had never wanted to be set free, but you were leaving the cage open now, and he didn’t know where to go.

he didn’t where he belonged, if it wasn’t next to you.

“sir, ma’m,” the bouncers greeted you two, you smiled so sweetly at them, asking them about their day and their meals, then as they all turned to him, your face went back to the grim, dangerous fury that yoongi could feel burning into him.

as yoongi made small talk, you disappeared into the club, into the crowd of people, and yoongi, once again, tracked you down and followed you.

today was a big day for his club, “midas and tunes”, it was the grand re-opening after a successful year, and some huge renovations, he had been running around for months like a madman to prepare for this night, both the proposal and the re-opening, and a lot of yoongi’s stress was supposed to alleviate at the end of today.

but watching you, two feet away, not being able to touch you, or talk to you, just spiked his anxiety to the highest it’s ever been.

yoongi pushes through the people, half-heartedly greeting everyone on his way to you and you don’t look back, you march over to the side of the stage and he rushes to catch your wrist.

and as subtly as you could, you ripped it from his grip, throwing him a glare and say, “i’m going up there in one minute, i don’t want to hear a word from you.”

he’s had enough.

he lets out a groan of frustration, he wasn’t a saint, he wasn’t made of endless patience and god, he was trying but you were just, “you’re being so fucking difficult right now.” and your anger flares in your eyes, yoongi feels stupid for saying anything at all, the box in his pocket shakes its head at him.

“not another word, min yoongi.” you warn with your finger pointed at him to further punctuate your point, “go, be a good host and don’t you dare come back home tonight.”

with that, you change your face from a glare to the dazzling smile that yoongi loves, you walk onto the stage and wave at the group of people shining in the crowd.

yoongi purses his lips and works his way through the club, greeting, smiling, and exchanging niceties even as his feet wobble and his heart feels dry.

he watches you from the corner of his eyes, you glow on stage, your smile is perfect, your eyes are perfect, you are perfect, and you make it look so easy, going up in front of a couple of hundred people and talking to them with a confidence that no one could wreck with.

you were always this enigmatic, and yoongi had always felt he was less than you.

but he would never do anything to stand in the way of you and your light, he would always take the shadows so you could shine, which is why it makes it that much more difficult for him to hold onto you right at this moment.

he watched, proud eyes, sinking heart as you sang, each word so raw and rich that yoongi tunes out everything else around him.

your eyes flutter to him, he thinks it’ll be a vicious glare again, a snarl, anything to indicate your anger, but instead, your eyes soften around their edges, you lend him a ghost of a smile, a delicate moment passes between you two and yoongi smiles back at you.

you two would be okay, of course, you would be and if you kept smiling this way, yoongi would be on one knee by the end of tonight, and it would end exactly how he had dreamt it to.

but just as a bigger smile starts to grace your face, a loud bang from the back of the club startles yoongi, several loud bangs and clangs fill the air, people start screaming around him, pushing him in every direction to find the source of the noise and yoongi’s eyes rush to find you.

he starts pushing too, the air around him grows sparse, and his body keeps pulling him into the crowd when he’s trying to push against it.

his body grows cold when he hears the bang of a gun, the clutter of a bullet, the falling of a table, and screams.

so.

many.

screams.

they echo and bounce off his ears, some creep into his soul and stop his steps in fear.

but he pushes through, hurriedly, more frantically, because for fucks’ sake, he can’t see you, he can’t see your pretty eyes, your flowing dress, your tall heels, he can’t see you anywhere around him.

then, he stops.

yoongi falls.

to his knees.

the pain of the ground hitting his bones, shoots through him but his heart aches much more, it squeezes and squeezes at the sight in front of him.

a single bullet in the middle of your forehead.

your body on the ground.

no breathing, no movement, no sound.

just a single tear dripping at the tip of your nose.

yoongi crawls forward, eyes wide, skin riddled with terror, fresh terror that grabbed him by his throat, he gathers your body into his lap and taps your cheeks, taps your arms, taps your eyes, holds his ear to your nose, he calls out to you, he says your name once, twice, a billion times.

and he cries.

he holds your head to his chest and he cries so loudly, he can hear himself over the chaos, the banging, the clutter, his cries resonate and punctuate the air.

yoongi fiddles for the box in his pockets and blindly throws it across the room, it had no place in his world from today.

he had no place in his world from today.

-

‘back where we left off,

help you take your dress off,

i’ve been by myself, remembering you.’

yoongi stirred, his entire body hurt, his head was pounding and he winced as he tried to open his heavy eyes but when he managed somehow to peel them open, he is greeted with the sight of a window.

a window in a cab.

he jolts awake, his body screams in protest as he whips his head around.

you.

you.

you.

you got shot, you bled out in his arms, yoongi cried to the heavens.

but you are here.

your dress is flowing around you.

yesterday’s dress.

there’s no blood on it, not even a wrinkle, it’s pristine, and it’s as ethereal as he remembers, yoongi’s eyes reach your face, you are looking at him tensely but today, you have a concerned frown along with your anger.

what was happening?

“you good?” you ask, tone reluctant and stiff and yoongi feels himself go pale, it feels strange to hear your voice after your blood washed him away, “what happened?” he gasps, so desperately, so lost, his hands curl on the leather as they try to reach you, but you only scoff at him.

“we just hit a speed bump, yoongi, don’t be such a drama queen.”

no.

he had every right to freak out.

he saw you die.

“ho-how are you?” he feels stupid as he asks, he feels even more stupid when you glance at him with an arched eyebrow, “i’m trying not to kill you, what about you?”

yoongi drops his head against his seat, you are speaking to him, you are here, you are alive and yoongi can now feel the same velvet box pressing against his thigh.

he had thrown it away; he had held your skin as it turned blue.

but the cab was the same as yesterday, same zayn song, same tinted windows, same driver, same everything.

even your anger was the same.

yoongi felt like he could explode.

maybe it was a bad dream, maybe yoongi had somehow conjured the worst of worst-case scenarios in the tense moments that followed up to this day.

and he sighs in relief, you’re alive, you’re all right, it was a bad dream and he still could fix things.

but he still felt uneasy, something in the pit of his stomach kept curling and unfurling, a forewarning or a simple case of nerves on a huge day, yoongi wasn’t sure, he didn’t feel brave enough to question it for too long.

he wordlessly followed you into the club and watched you take your place on the stage, he watched your flowing dress and long heels and laughed to himself about how differently things went in his dream.

you would probably kill him before you ever died.

“i’d like to welcome you all, with a full heart, for our grand re-opening,” you spoke so smoothly, your words echoing off yoongi’s dreams and he tried to shrug off the way his stomach kept churning.

just nerves.

he told himself again and again, he was going to propose for fucks’ sake, of course, he was going to feel a bit queasy.

but failing to ignore the spikes growing on his spine, he turned around to survey the crowd, to convince himself that this was all completely normal, and when he saw smiling faces, glasses of alcohol, and glittering lights, he turned back to you, shaking his head at himself.

he was overthinking it all, he just had to make things right by you and then get down on one knee, and sleep it off.

the lights descend on you and a tune fills the air.

you started singing, his senses get consumed by you in the same second your voice travels to him.

yoongi feels himself relax.

his shoulders fall away from his ears, his chest expands to take in more air and he straightens his posture, he sips his drink and pours all his attention to the light that makes you glow.

your eyes meet his.

his shoulders pick back up.

he knows this scene.

yoongi’s heart thundered in his chest.

wasn’t this how you looked at him before you died in his arms?

he rushes forward, mumbling apologies to the people he pushes as unease crawls through his every sense. yoongi’s hands thrust in front of him, an urgent fever almost turns him blind.

if something happens, he will never forgive himself.

he reaches where you stand, hands and palms towards you, heart beating in his ears and your eyes light up at his stance, your anger melts at his open arms and as you sing, your hand reaches out for his, and yoongi feels his heart slip at the adoration that coated your glistening eyes.

oh.

you have mistaken his intentions but yoongi will take just about anything from you right now.

he places his hands in yours, “i’ve got you,” he whispers to you, he doesn’t know why, and your eyes round in surprise, then soften again, and you mouth back, “i’ve got you too.”

if you think his behavior is strange, especially because yoongi is never affectionate publicly, you don’t say anything and yoongi feels all the more grateful for it.

after sticking around until the song almost finished, yoongi meekly finds his way back into the crowd, but his brow glistened with sweat and his hands felt clammy.

but the worst was over, you finished your song and you were still alive, nothing bad had happened.

he needed help.

“hey, you” your voice breaks him out of his head, he looks up to see your eyes filled with subdued anger, “wanna dance to this, big boy?”

zayn’s ‘cruel’ fills his ears once again, he used to love the song but now, it fills him with vicious deja-vu, nevertheless, yoongi lets you whisk him away and he tries to move with you, tries to match your steps, tries to match your smile but the song seems to mock him.

‘who do you love, who do you love?’

“i know i was being really mean to you,” you speak under the neon lights, he sees your lips move, and he feels the weight of your words but yoongi doesn’t listen, “we’ll sort this out, okay? we’ve been through worse, you just have to promise me that you will never invite them again.”

right.

the actual reason you were fighting.

yoongi feels his fear melt, and he lets it melt completely, “i know we will, besides, i have so much planned for us, you can’t leave me hanging in all that.” he rests his forehead on you as you let out a giggle and curl into him.

“what does that mean?”

the box in his trousers begged to be let out, yoongi smiled, he had nothing to be worried about, “it means that i have a question to ask you-“

bang!

he feels his world spin on his feet when the crash comes, the same crash from his dreams, the same crash that killed you, yoongi’s arms fall from you and his breath comes short, he turns to the source of the noise, eyes darting wildly in the air.

“yoongi!” your screams come from beside him, your hands grip his arms, and he winces as your nails dig into his shirt, but he’s panicked, he’s scared, and he needs to take down the people doing it.

he can’t let them get to you.

“yo-“

a ringing noise travels in his ear, he swears he heard a bullet before it, and as his eyes drag over to you, achingly, as slowly as he can because he fears he knows what he will see.

and yoongi falls to his knees again.

he wipes the single tear off your face before crumbling next to you.

-

yoongi could still feel the warmth of your blood seeping through his fingers, as he stirred from slumber, he felt his clothes stretch against leather and his eyes shot open.

the cab window stared back at him.

the neon lights of the city mocked him.

‘back where we left off,

help you take your dress off,

i’ve been by myself, remembering you.’

the song pressed itself into his brain.

“no, no, no,” he gripped his hair in his hands as he leaned forward, this couldn’t be happening, not again.

“seriously, yoongi? i’m the one who is hurt and you want to act like the baby?” your razor-sharp eyes ground him, and he lurches forward to grab your hand.

you were real.

you were here.

but this time, yoongi knew it couldn’t have been a dream. it had felt too real, his pain had been too real and coincidence didn’t seem like a strong enough explanation.

“what are you doing, yoongi?” you hiss and bat his hand away, looking out the window with a stone-cold expression.

but yoongi had his own problems.

he had to ignore the sting in his heart to figure out what the fuck was happening with his life.

why was it this cab?

why was it this song?

and why did you always die at the end?

yoongi could only think of one explanation, a burglary gone wrong, because everyone else was a respected guest, thoroughly vetted and yoongi knew all of them personally, none of them would want to hurt you.

but yoongi thinks back to how acutely he felt the box in his pocket, how it pressed into him more whenever you…well, whenever you died.

“i have to do this here,” he whispers to himself, hands already reaching out to rip the box out of his pocket, he faces you and yoongi tries not to feel hurt over the anger still flashing in your eyes.

“i know this isn’t a good time, but i need to do this, please look at me,” yoongi begs you, and he never begged anyone for anything, which is what makes you turn to look at him.

a gasp leaves your lips the second you notice the box in his palm, “yoongi, oh my god,” you say, breathlessly, in adoration and fear, and yoongi wishes he could’ve done this differently, “i know we’re fighting and i know you’re upset with me but even if you are, even if we aren’t always good, i want to be with you and no one else, for the rest of my life.”

yoongi’s throat feels dry, his heart doesn’t sing even if he means his words, he desperately wishes he was doing this differently but he knows no way out, he didn’t want to wake up to your angry face, he didn’t want to see you die anymore, he didn’t want to be in this cab anymore.

“aw, yoongi,” at least, it seems that you find it sentimental, your eyes glisten with unshed tears, any anger is dissipated from your face, and yoongi’s heart cheers.

he did it.

“i want to spend the rest of my life with you too,” you hum happily, a single tear escapes your eyes as you watch him and his fingers reach out for your hand, he is finally feeling the buzz and excitement that comes with proposing.

yoongi was going to spend the rest of his life with you.

bang!

yoongi’s heart sinks, the ring dangles and falls off from his grip, and the cab swerves unnaturally to the divider in the road.

it was the tire, yoongi knew it was from the way the cab lost control.

“yoongi!” your scream reaches him and yoongi only watches as blinding lights fall from behind you and he can only watch as they crash into your side of the cab, throwing the vehicle into the middle of the street.

and he closes his eyes, he doesn’t turn your way, he refuses to look at your hand that falls on his lap, he ignores the blood dripping on his trousers.

he lets the ring fall onto the floor of the cab.

-

leather.

box.

‘back where we left off,

help you take your dress off,

i’ve been by myself, remembering you.’

that damn song.

this time, yoongi didn’t bother being surprised or confused, he opened his eyes, and the window came into his view, he sighed, he looked to his side, he saw your simmering eyes settled in a scowl, he sighed, he felt the box in his pocket, he sighed.

if he was going to do this a million times, he figured that he might as well get somewhere with you.

“i’m sorry for inviting your family,” he starts and you scoff at him, but he continues, he was going to live this day again and again until the universe was done playing with him apparently, yoongi had nothing to lose. “i shouldn’t have tried to act like some hero, reuniting you guys, i should’ve understood why you hated them so much and stayed out of your way.”

your posture visibly relaxes, your shoulders drop, your scowl melts by a little, and you turn to him with tears in your eyes, “i just don’t understand why you thought it was a good idea, they are people who have betrayed me so many times yoongi, i didn’t want to see their faces ever.”

yoongi had thought that, as much as you fought with your family, you would still want them around for his proposal, he had spent weeks meticulously planning things with them, but he should’ve known you better, he should’ve tried to understand that he couldn’t do things just because he thought it would turn out well for you.

and yoongi feels terrible, “let’s just say, i had something big planned for today.” his palms fold on his lap and his head drops to the seat, he feels exhausted, he feels so far and close to how he wanted tonight to end.

he doesn’t answer you when you ask him what it was, he doesn’t say anything at all even when his club comes into view, he walks straight into it and grabs a glass of whiskey for himself.

god knows that he’s earned it.

“yoongi, i’m up in two minutes,” you approach him at the bar, eyes wide with concern, “good luck, you’re going to kill it.” he taps your shoulder, then winces at his choice of words and your eyebrows twist in confusion.

“are you still angry?” yoongi turns away at your question, he was acting like an asshole but if you were going to die again, yoongi didn’t want to see another second of it, he couldn’t see another second of it without going completely insane, “i’m not, just nerves, don’t worry about it.” he knows you can sense how half-hearted his tone is but you only eye him warily once before leaving his side.

yoongi lets his head fall onto the cool glass of the bar countertop, he hears your delicate voice swimming in the air and he buries himself further into the glass.

“oh, hyung!” yoongi frowns, no one calls him that.

he slowly looks up to see your brother, steve, the one he invited, the one you hated, “oh hey man, how’s it going?” yoongi gives him a one-arm hug and proceeds to nurse his drink again.

“all good, the club’s beautiful, no wonder you picked this for the proposal,” steve looks fine, yoongi wonders why you hate him, “well, don’t get too excited about the proposal.”

“if your sister stops dying for two minutes, i would have a chance at that,” his tone is bitter but yoongi’s chest aches, is this how it’s going to be? is he going to watch you die a million more times before he ever gets to call you, his wife?

“huh?”

“don’t worry about it, rough day.” he waves your brother off, hoping that he will leave yoongi alone but steve lingers, “so hyung,” yoongi didn’t have the energy to correct him that he in fact, wasn’t his hyung.

“i’m between jobs right now, the club looks terrific, you think you can hook me with something?” steve says so casually, that yoongi has to resist the urge to roll his eyes at his soon-to-be brother-in-law.

his brother-in-law had no skills in subtlety and suddenly, yoongi started seeing why you might hate your family.

yoongi’s met this guy for two minutes and he’s already asking for a job, and he’s heard you complain about how your family keeps asking you for everything, he feels even more terrible for inviting them.

“i’ll look into it.” his words hold no promise but your brother brightens up immediately, taking a seat next to yoongi and beaming at him, yoongi politely smiles and focuses on his drink.

“but seriously hyung, why her?”

“i’m sorry?”

“oh come on hyung, you know as much as i do, that you can do way better than my sister,” yoongi looks at steve in disbelief, why was your brother talking shit about his own sister, especially on the night of her proposal?

“she’s heartless hyung, she will chew you up and leave you with nothing, trust me our entire family has experienced it.” yoongi’s grip around his glass tightens, and he hears the cracks that threaten to break it, he wished it was steve’s neck instead.

“get out.”

“what?”

“i said, get the fuck out of my club before i get you kicked out.”

“hyung, i’m only trying to protect you from her, she’s insane,” and yoongi loses it completely, “why are you still standing and speaking to me? i told you to get out.”

“what’s going on?” you step into the bar with your arms across your chest, you already look tired, “your brother was just leaving, the exit’s that way.” yoongi pointed out for steve and sat back down.

steve goes red in the face, his breaths leave him rushed and he is visibly angry.

yoongi wished he gave a singular fuck about him.

“you’re going to let this man be your husband, after how he talked to your brother?” steve turns to you and you quirked an eyebrow at him, “what husband are you talking about, steve?”

wow.

there went yoongi’s plan of a surprise proposal.

“ask him,” steve was doing this intentionally, yoongi knew the second he saw the glint pass his eyes, he was enjoying ruining your proposal, “he’s speaking bullshit, which is why i asked him to leave, and he still hasn’t left for some reason.” yoongi shrugs, trying to play it cool, trying to act as if a box wasn’t pressing into his thighs.

“no, ask him what it is in his pocket. ask him!” steve points wildly at yoongi, his anger flaring even more and yoongi’s eyebrows line with sweat, you look at him in confusion, he doesn’t meet your eyes.

“stop it right now, steve.” yoongi tries to maintain his cool.

“just because i asked you for a job, doesn’t already make you the boss of me, i hope you and her rot together,” he hisses out at yoongi.

“you asked yoongi for a job?”

shit.

yoongi tenses up once again, because you sound scalded, he turns immediately, abandoning his drink and peace.

you are holding back tears as you stare pointedly at your brother.

steve goes red again, “well, my useless sister wasn’t doing anything for me, so i thought i’d at least try with her husband.” he scoffs and yoongi’s never wanted to punch someone so badly.

your face flashes with hurt and your lips turn down, you turn to stare at yoongi with venom dripping from your eyes, as if to tell him, ‘see, this is why i hate them.’

you didn’t have to signal that twice, yoongi’s understood how terrible your family is, based on the very short interaction with your brother.

“okay, play time’s over, follow me quietly or my bouncers will carry you out,” yoongi sinks from his seat and glares at steve until his shoulders fall and his feet line up with yoongi’s.

“you’re the most selfish person i know, you don’t deserve any of this,” steve growls at you, and yoongi grabs the jacket of his suit, pulling him away from you, “shut up, if you know what’s good for you, you won’t speak another word.”

“i’m selfish? after everything i’ve done for you, i’m the selfish one?” you half-scream at steve, with trembling hands and a single tear falling out of your eyes.

yoongi’s seen this scene before, a hurtle of recognition tumbles over him as he finally notices what exactly happens whenever a tear falls from your eyes.

you die and he fails to save you, every single time that a tear touches your chin.

“without your husband, you would be nothing,” steve points his finger at you, and your face twists in annoyance, “why does he keep saying husband?”

“yeah hyung, why do i keep saying husband?” steve turns to yoongi with his arms crossed, a smug smile dancing on his lips and yoongi’s mind goes blank.

he doesn’t say a word.

he doesn’t look up to see you.

he just wanted to do this one night right, and it was all falling on him again.

“yoongi?” you look at him expectantly, he looks away, he swallows the lump in his throat and he wants to run away.

“let me help you, hyung,” steve steps forward and yoongi doesn’t know why he’s saying that, he doesn’t process a word until steve shoves his hand into yoongi’s pocket and pulls out the velvet box that hasn’t left him alone.

your mouth falls open as the action catches the attention of everyone in the room, collective gasps, squeals, and whispers cloud yoongi’s mind as he tries to look for your reaction in all this.

there’s no joy on your face, no excitement, just a wide eye and dropped jaw staring back at him.

he feels several knives twist themselves into his chest and it takes everything in him to not fall on the floor and curl himself up.

he never wanted this, he never wanted to live through a night where you would reject him.

as people started crowding, yoongi’s throat tightened, his entire heart was dangling from steve’s fingers and he couldn’t do a thing about it.

but he looked at you, with some faded hope that you would wake yourself up and give him your heart too.

“come here,” your whisper barely registers to him, your touch barely dawns on him as you drag him away from the crowd.

it’s only when a gust of cold wind breaks on his face that he looks up to see that you have dragged him to the patio.

“yoongi, please look at me.”

he swallows another sob down his throat.

“it’s okay, i understand why you would say no, i fucked the whole thing up,” he runs a hand through his hair, his head refused to pick itself up, and your whispers of ‘no, no, no’ reach him slowly.

“it’s not like that,” your hands come into his view before they cup his jaw and force him to look at you, yoongi barely holds himself together as your fingers run circles on his cheeks, “i just wish,” you sigh, hands coming around his neck and resting your forehead on his chest.

yoongi’s hands twitch beside his body, “what do you wish for?” and he almost doesn’t recognize his voice, he sounds so weak, so desperate, but yoongi couldn’t hide it, it was exactly how he felt.

“i just wish it was us,” you start, yoongi holds his breath, “and no one else.”

“that’s all?”

“that’s all, yoongi” you let out a small laugh into his chest before picking yourself up and staring at him with all the love in the world.

he feels his worries run away like steam from a hot plate of food.

bang!

yoongi’s arms lurch out to you, pulling you to him as his breath quickens.

that fucking noise.

you both watched with wide eyes as people tumbled out of the club, screaming, falling, running, and looking back in fear. yoongi grabs your hand and runs, he runs with heavy steps and pulls you with him, he desperately looks back every two seconds as more and more people file out.

“yoongi!” your nails barely hold onto his jacket and he feels your grip loosen.

then, he doesn’t feel it at all.

yoongi stops running, he rushes back as people push him out of the way, as people shove his shoulder, step on his feet, and elbow him in the stomach, he winces and groans but he doesn’t stop looking for you in the crowd.

he screams your name, searches for your dress, searches for your heels, searches for your nails but nothing comes into view.

yoongi feels the acid rush into his mouth, he feels the choking that suffocates his chest and throat, and he feels his knees weaken at the thought of his nightmare repeating again.

and he realizes he can’t do anything at all to stop it.

the night ends when the crowd ends, when the police cars show up, when they find your body on the floor and put it into a body bag, and when they explain to yoongi that it was because of a stampede and it couldn’t have been in his control.

yoongi laughs at them.

nothing had ever been in his control.

-

‘back where we left off,

help you take your dress off,

i’ve been by myself, remembering you.’

yoongi didn’t open his eyes.

he knew what came next.

“i just wish it was us, and no one else.”

his eyes scrunch in pain as your voice floats in his head, he remembers the promise in your eyes, the tremble of your fingers as they snaked around his neck and he was so close this time, so fucking close but he was here again, and you were here too.

again.

the tires under the car screech and pull over.

“yoongi, we need to go.” your stern voice pulls him back in, and he opens his eyes, dazed, he stares at the cab window with the weight of a thousand boulders on his shoulders.

he doesn’t know how to fix this; he doesn’t know how to save you and yoongi is so close to just letting the nights blend into each other until he dies with you.

“i just wish it was us, and no one else.”

but you.

you deserved more than a resigned fate, you deserved more than a man who didn’t know how to save you, hell you deserved a man who knew what you wanted.

“yoongi, are you listening to me? we’re here,” you say once again and yoongi stares at his club, which shines so brightly in the night and he doesn’t make a single move to get out, even as you huff in annoyance.

here.

here lay so many nights.

here lay so many of your bodies.

then yoongi straightens up.

here.

here lay so many of your bodies.

here was the problem.

“we need to go back,” he whispers to no one, his nerves catch fire as the craziest or maybe not-crazy-at-all plan he’s ever come up with starts burning in his mind, he looks at you, your angry eyes, and scrunched-up fists, and reaches out for them.

“do you trust me?” he asks hastily, fingers gripping your fists and you frown at him, “what are you going on about?”

“do you trust me? please tell me,” maybe it was the tears gathering in his eyes, or his hands that begged you to understand but you eventually gave him a hesitant nod.

with your confirmation, yoongi leans over his seat and speaks quickly “driver, please take us back to our place, we will pay you extra,” and your frown grows deeper as the cab hits a u-turn.

“yoongi, our guests will be arriving, what the fuck are you doing?”

“please, just trust me.”

and again, his voice shakes your anger, your stance, you sink back into the seat without a word.

yoongi feels his heart race as your home comes into view, his fingers instinctively reach out for the box in his pocket, but it doesn’t terrify him anymore, he feels the texture of it, he imagines the future in it and he hopes to all the powers in the world that this works out.

he pays the driver, waits for you to step out, and gently tugs you along with him to your home, your safe place, a space that was always for you two.

and yoongi’s lips twitch, they threaten to break out a large smile, one that would give him away, one that would ruin his plans but they’ve been ruined so many times already, what’s one more time?

he removes his hand from yours as you reach your living room and paces forward, bringing out a candle, shutting down some lights and you watch with your arms crossed, your lower lip caught between your teeth in an anxious action and you grow more confused by the minute.

he switches the last remaining light off and you see nothing.

“yoongi, what is going on?” you whine into the darkness, trying to place his figure with his footsteps, your foot taps repeatedly as you zero into the sounds around you.

then, light falls through, a soft, warm light from the candle you bought for yoongi.

and yoongi comes into the light, just as soft, just as warm, on one knee, a nervous twitch in his eyebrows as his hands shake in front of him.

there’s a ring in his hands, a shine that dims all the other light in the room except yoongi who remains the most radiant.

your jaw starts to tremble as you slowly take in yoongi’s smile, which is nervous but so present.

“love, i should’ve known you,” he starts, and you’re stepping forward, “i should’ve known that you wouldn’t want anyone else to see this, to witness us at this moment,” his voice scratches with emotion and you’re stepping forward again, “but now i do, and i only have one thing to say,” he takes in a shaky breath and the toe of your heels grazes his leather shoes, “i love you, and there’s not a person, not a disaster, not enough warnings, nothing can ever stop me from trying to get to you.”

you frown a bit; you assume he means everything you’ve been through together in your relationship and your heart drowns in itself.

“i love you and i’ll never stop loving you, i promise to spend the rest of my life being yours,” your chin shakes furiously as you try to hold your tears back, “as long as you are mine.”

“what do you say, do you want to make me the happiest man alive?” yoongi’s eyes glisten, and his mind flashes with images of your body laying still through the many nights he tried to save you but he pushes them away, you’re here right now, you’re here and he has one more chance to keep you safe.

“oh, yoongi,” you sigh and fall into his arms, onto the ground, and grip his body so tightly, that fresh tears gather in his eyes, you’re here, and yoongi’s here, and somehow, the night has taken a better turn than he ever expected.

as he looks around the house you’ve built together, your candle burning away and leaving the sweetest scent in the air, and there are no neon lights, there are no shitty family members, there is no one and nothing at all, it’s just you and him and yoongi hopes that he will never have to go back to those nights again.

“i’ll always be yours,” you sniff and rub your nose into his cheek, “darling i love you too but let me get this ring on you,” you laugh and nod, pushing away to let him slip the delicate, shiny band onto your finger.

“there you go,” he holds onto your finger and pulls you back into his arms, nuzzling his nose into your neck and you hum in pure happiness.

and both of you melt onto the floor, the warm light falls on you and yoongi’s heartbeat is in your ears when he asks, “do you like it?”

“i love it.” a single tear slips from your eyes.

yoongi’s smile falls.

-

a hand on his chest stirs him awake, yoongi’s eyes shoot open, his head twisting from side to side to see his surroundings.

his hands touch and feel the soft sheets covering his body and he looks to his right, it covers your body too and yoongi shakes his head at himself, a low laugh escaping him.

he stands up, groaning as he stretches his body and looks at your peaceful face.

yoongi lets his smile grow exponentially, walking over to push the curtains away and open into his balcony. he takes a deep breath as he leans over the railing and the scent of everything hits him, dulling his senses into a mild buzz.

“hey, handsome” hands sneak up on his torso and a shimmer blinks back from your fingers as they wrap around him, “good morning, my wife,” yoongi reaches for your hands and gives each of your fingers a kiss, making you giggle and push your head into his back.

“technically, it’s fiancé.”

“i think i prefer wife already.” and you hum contently, “me too.”

it was a new day.

his endless nights had finally come to an end and he never felt more grateful, he doesn’t think he will ever be able to explain how it happened, he doesn’t think anyone will understand the turmoil and anguish he felt in the past few hours, he doesn’t even think there’s an explanation but yoongi likes to brush it away, he has you and he doesn’t need an explanation, he just wants to keep you safe forever.

but he still had one problem.

“darling, don’t take this the wrong way, but can i block steve?”

[worth-the-chaos]

Adventures in Babysitting - Steve Harrington x female!reader - Chapter 5

Chapter Summary: The situation with the demogorgons gets increasingly more dire, leading you to the Byers’ house to wrangle four kids that can’t listen to save their lives (literally) while everyone tries desperately to save Will and the world.

Content Warning: swearing, upside down scary shit, billy being an actual complete asshole, physical violence

Word Count: 8.9k

Author’s Note: This chapter was pretty fun to write! Things get pretty intense in this part, so heed the content warning. I hope you all enjoy :)

Series Masterlist | Part 4 | Next Part

***

There wasn’t a clear path through to Hawkins Lab, making it pretty damn difficult to traverse through the woods, especially in the dark. Regardless of this fact, you were hauling ass, desperate to make it to the lab so you could take these demogorgons out, and maybe, just maybe, put all of this bullshit behind you. Steve was right on your tail, a little overwhelmed between making sure the kids were keeping up and that you weren’t getting too far ahead.

You tripped on a tree root, and you would have face planted if it weren’t for Steve quickly grabbing you by the elbow, aggressively pulling you backwards to counteract your forward momentum.

“Y/n, you need to slow down,” Steve said, his voice serious. His face was twisted in annoyance, which irritated you as you scoffed and shook out of his grip.

“This is time sensitive. We’re not here to take a nice stroll through the hiking trails. We’ve got shit to do,” you grumbled as you went to turn around, but Steve grabbed your arm again, pulling you closer. The kids were still lagging behind, but he kept his voice low to make sure they didn’t hear.

“Listen to me. We’ve got three kids mixed up in all this shit with us. I get that it might be time sensitive, but if you break an ankle, then we’re stuck out here defenseless, moving three times slower. You need to be a little bit fucking cautious. I can’t do this by myself.”

You took a deep breath to calm yourself down, trying to push the anger aside as you nodded. You hated to admit it, but Steve was right. You were being impulsive and it was putting everyone’s life in jeopardy. Steve could tell you were still anxious to get there, the anticipation being all too overwhelming. His hand fell from your arm as he grabbed your trembling hand, giving it a tight squeeze.

“I’ve got you, alright? So let’s do this together like we promised, yeah?”

“Okay,” you agreed quietly. He dropped your hand as the kids caught up. He cleared his throat as the air became slightly awkward between you.

After about fifteen more minutes of hiking, the trees started to become less and less dense, until you were almost out of the tree line. Suddenly you heard a voice shout out, which made you jump as your heart stopped in your chest.

“Hello? Who’s there?!”

You all finally made it out of the thicket, finally realizing who had called out.

“Steve?!” Jonathan and Nancy asked in unison.

“Nancy?” Steve stepped forwards just as confused as they were.

“Jonathan!” Dustin chimed in with a smile on his face, relieved to see someone else that could help them.

“Y/n, Dustin, Lucas, Max,” you said, rolling your eyes as you pointed to the rest of you, “now that we’re done with introductions, what the hell is going on?”

“What are you doing here?” Nancy asked, frustration leaking into her tone.

“What are you doing here?” Steve shot back, still not happy with Nancy’s recent actions. In his mind, he didn’t owe her an explanation.

“We’re looking for Mike and Will,” Nancy answered, cutting to the chase.

“They’re not in there, are they?” You asked hesitantly.

“We’re not sure,” Nancy replied, concern flashing across her face as she picked up the seriousness in your tone.

“Why?” Jonathan asked cautiously, but before you could answer, you all heard screeching coming from the lab, finally noticing that the lights were flashing outside in an orderly fashion, indicating that some alarm system was likely enabled.

You all began arguing, attempting to figure out when the last time anyone had seen Will and Mike, when suddenly each floor of Hawkins Lab began lighting up again, one by one.

“The power’s back,” you breathed out, unsure if it was a good or a bad sign. Jonathan sprinted back to the operator’s booth, rapidly pushing the button to open the gate with no such luck.

“Let me try,” Dustin tried to push past Jonathan, but he didn’t budge, “let me try, Jonathan!”

You rolled your eyes as Dustin whined, his pushing of the button making no difference than when Jonathan had been pressing it before. “Shocker, it’s not working,” you called out, sarcasm lacing your voice.

“Son of a bitch!” The boy exclaimed as he continued to shove at the button repeatedly. After a few minutes of button pushing, the gate finally began to roll open, Dustin celebrating the fact that he had saved the day. This kid’s a fucking idiot, you thought, rolling your eyes, confident that the gate opening was the doing of someone inside the building.

Jonathan and Nancy piled into his car as they drove off towards the facility, leaving the five of you behind.

“Should we try to follow them?” Dustin suggested. You glanced back over at the lab, lights still flashing and alarm still sounding. Though you desperately wanted to help in any way you could, you weren’t going to risk the safety of the kids, knowing that if you went, they’d be close behind regardless of whether or not you told them to stay put.

“No. We’ll let them handle this part. If they don’t come back soon, we’ll follow, but until then we’re all staying right here. Understood?” You asked, swinging your flashlight to point it at each of the kids while you waited for their response. They all nodded in agreement; they knew better than to mess with you.

And so you waited, you picking at your fingernails, Steve tossing his flashlight up and down, and the kids pacing and kicking the ground.

“Guys?” Max spoke up as she paused in the middle of the road, noticing two cars quickly approaching. You recognized the first one as Jonathan’s and he laid on the horn, clearly not slowing down.

“Get out of the way!” Steve shouted, grabbing Max by the arm and pulling her to the side. You swiftly followed suit, grabbing the two boys by their collars and yanking them to safety just in time for Jonathan to fly past you. Something was clearly imminent and you didn’t want to be there when it arrived.

The second car screeched to a halt, and you were met with the face of Jim Hopper as he shouted out the window, “let’s go!”

Steve threw the door open, hurrying the kids along to get in the back of the police vehicle, placing a hand on your back to guide you into the back of the van before jumping in the passenger seat and slamming the door. “Okay! Let’s go!” He gave Hopper the all clear, patting the side of the police vehicle to signal that everyone was safely boarded in the car.

“What the fuck is going on?” You asked from the backseat, leaning forward between Steve and Hopper.

Hopper looked at you a bit annoyed, but he knew enough about you to know that you were a good kid, so he tried to stay calm. “I’m assuming you know about the demogorgons given the fact you’ve got a golf club and a baseball bat. What else do you know?”

“Other than that shit is clearly bad again, not much,” you breathed out. What more was there to know? Hopper’s words scared you, and Steve was quick to put a gentle hand on your shoulder to help you settle down.

“There are these tunnels. Under Hawkins. The demogorgons have been using them to travel around town and all this shit from the Upside Down is leaking in. All the ash and shit from last year is there and there’s rot all across town,” he started. You looked wide eyed at Steve, both of you remembering the gaping hole in Dustin’s cellar.

“I noticed a tree in the woods earlier, its trunk was rotting from the inside out. It was marked…with-with a yellow flag. That was you?” You asked to clarify.

“Yes, but that’s probably the least of our concerns. The gate is still open, and those assholes at Hawkins Lab thought it was contained but it’s clearly not. They’ve been doing controlled burns, trying to tame it back, but it’s not working,” Hopper gripped the steering wheel tighter, his eyes fixed on the road ahead of him.

“What are we gonna do?” Dustin spoke up from the backseat, attempting to push around you to be a part of the conversation in the front. You shoved him back and rolled your eyes, giving him a look that told him to watch himself.

“Right now we’re going back to Joyce’s house where it’s safe. And you’re not going to do anything. We’re going to go home and wait for backup,” Hopper glanced back at the boy. You were about the protest, when Steve elbowed you and shook his head. Now was not the time. Besides, Steve wasn’t too upset about the idea. He wanted to be far away from the danger. He wanted you to be far away from the danger.

You sighed and flopped back. Shit was about to hit the fan, and you weren’t sure how prepared you were to deal with it.

***

The Byers’ house was equally as disheveled as it was the year before, but this time, instead of lights, there were crayon drawings scattered and taped all over the house. Steve watched as Nancy comforted Jonathan while Hopper yelled on the phone, his call for backup clearly not going the way he had hoped it would. Steve entered the kitchen, going to lean up against the counter with you. You could see the hurt on his face, and you gently nudged him in the side to get his attention.

“Hey, chin up,” you reminded him softly. You knew Nancy had hurt him and even though you wanted to be mad at her, you couldn’t. She was hurting too, still grappling with all this shit that life kept throwing in your direction. You couldn’t blame her for wanting different things; for realizing she needed to make changes to be happier. You still couldn’t understand how she wasn’t happy with Steve, though. He’d been your saving grace through all of this and you were envious of the ways that he had been able to be there for her that he couldn’t be for you. You pushed the thought aside and tried to take your own advice, straightening up in the face of it all.

“They didn’t believe you, did they?” Dustin asked as Hopper aggressively hung up the phone.

“We’ll see,” he shot back, not happy with the incessant questioning from these damn kids.

“‘We’ll see’? We can’t just sit here while those things are loose!” Mike yelled, frustrated with the lack of action that Hopper was suggesting.

“We stay here, and we wait for help,” Hopper slowly articulated, his tone making it clear that it wasn’t up for discussion. He exited the kitchen before anyone else could chime in. You rolled your eyes.

Mike began talking about Bob Newby, and your heart sank in your chest as you tried not to let your eyes well up with tears. All day, you’d been trying to prevent anymore deaths; to keep everyone safe. You had failed, but you were starting to find the grace to understand that this wasn’t on you. Despite that, it still hurt.

“We can’t let him die in vain,” Mike begged. You couldn’t agree more, but in more ways than one, your hands were tied.

“Well, what do you want to do, Mike? The chief’s right about this. I mean, we can’t stop those demo-dogs on our own” Dustin spat, clearly feeling just as frustrated as you had felt.

“Demo-dogs?” You asked incredulously. That might be some of the dumbest shit you’ve ever heard.

“Demogorgons. Dogs…Demo-dogs,” Dustin reiterated, and you scoffed.

“When it was just Dart, maybe, but now there’s a fucking army and we don’t have the manpower or resources to take that many fucking monsters out,” Steve spoke up. He still was partial to staying back, letting the grown ups figure this shit out.

“His army,” Mike spoke up and you could see the glint of realization in his eyes.

“What do you mean?” Steve asked.

“His army!” Mike repeated. “Maybe if we stop him, we can stop his army too!” He quickly stood up from his chair moving to pick up one of Will’s drawings. You gently grabbed it and your heart ached knowing that Will had been seeing this thing in his nightmares. By the looks of it, it was huge, its crooked arms reaching out and infecting every inch of town. You shuddered.

“The shadow monster,” Dustin clarified for those of you that weren’t privy, still not quite sure what Mike was going on about.

“It got Will that day in the field. The doctor said it was like a virus, it infected him.”

“And so this virus, it’s connecting him to the tunnels?” Max chimed in.

“To the tunnels, to the monsters, to the Upside Down. Everything,” Mike emphasized.

“Woah, slow down, slow down,” Steve spoke up, clearly not following the boy’s line of reasoning.

“The shadow monster’s inside everything. And if the vines feel something, like pain, then so does Will,” Mike explained.

“And so does Dart,” you added, following.

“Yeah, it’s like what Mr. Clarke taught us about the hive mind,” Mike confirmed as he looked at Lucas and Dustin.

“Hive mind?” Steve asked. Goodness gracious this boy was stupid, you thought, taking a deep breath to avoid snapping at him.

“A collective consciousness. It’s a super-organism,” you explained. The boys looked at you in awe, impressed that you also knew about this shit. Maybe you were more of a nerd than you thought.

“And this is the thing that controls everything. It’s the brain,” Mike pointed at the picture in your hands.

“Like the mind flayer!” Dustin exclaimed. The three boys shared a knowing look, leaving you, Steve, and Max in the dark. Dustin scoured the house, locating a book and slamming it down on the table. Hopper and Nancy had joined the kitchen after all the commotion, interested in knowing what had the kids so worked up.

“The mind flayer,” Dustin repeated.

Hopper looked at him exasperated. He didn’t have time for these kids pulling some imaginary bullshit. “What the hell is that?”

“It’s a monster from an unknown dimension. It’s so ancient that it doesn’t even know it’s true home. It enslaves races of other dimensions by taking over their brains using its highly-developed psionic powers,” Dustin explained.

“None of this is real,” Hopper groaned.

“Yeah, Dustin, this is a kids’ game,” you added incredulously.

“No, it’s a manual…and it’s not for kids. And unless you know something that we don’t, this is the best metaphor for understanding whatever the hell this is,” Dustin defended himself.

“Okay, so this mind flamer thing—“ Nancy started, trying to understand.

“Flayer,” Dustin corrected.

“—flayer—what does it want?”

“To conquer us, basically. It believes it’s the master race.”

“Oh, uh, like the Germans,” Steve stammered, trying to understand via his own metaphor. You all looked at him in disbelief.

“Uh, the nazis?” Dustin corrected and Steve nodded in agreement, “if the nazis were from a different dimension, then totally. It views other races like us as inferior.”

“Yeah, and it wants to spread to other dimensions,” Mike added.

“We are talking about the destruction of our world as we know it,” Lucas emphasized.

You felt the anxiety creep back up, and all of this was way too overwhelming. How the hell were you supposed to fight something that had control over an expansive and complex army?

“This is just great, this is fantastic!” Steve groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose and stepped away. You made your way out of the kitchen, connecting the dots well enough to not need any further explanation. Steve followed you, wanting to make sure you were okay.

“This is insane, Steve,” you breathed out. “We’re not talking about just one demogorgon anymore. Not even a couple. This is a whole fucking army. Imagine the carnage! We can’t fucking do this! I can’t fucking do this!” You began rambling as you quickly began to spiral. The fate of the world was in your hands and you couldn’t do anything to save it.

“Hey, hey, hey, chill out,” Steve sounded exasperated. He was just as tense and overwhelmed about the situation as you were, but ruminating over it didn’t help anything. “When you freak out about it, it just makes everything ten times harder, so just take a deep breath, think about something else, and chill the fuck out,” Steve reiterated. It was tough love, but it helped. He was right; stressing about it wasn’t going to change anything.

The conversation from the kitchen moved into the family room with you as Mike followed Hopper into the hall, “how are they supposed to stop this? You can’t just shoot this with guns!” Mike exclaimed, talking about Hopper’s military backup.

“We don’t know that! We don’t know anything!” Hopper argued.

“We know it’s already killed everyone in that lab,” Mike shot back.

“And we know the monsters are going to molt again,” Dustin added.

“And it’s only a matter of time before those tunnels reach this town,” you finally spoke up, your voice even. You were more confident now after Steve’s words. You might not be able to save the world, but you could damn sure try.

“They’re right,” Joyce joined you all, making her way down the hallway. She looked distraught, and your heart broke for her. “We have to kill this thing…I want to kill this thing.”

“Me too, me too, Joyce, but how do we do it? We don’t exactly know what we’re dealing with here,” Hopper reminded her.

“No, but he does. If anyone knows how to destroy this thing, it’s Will. He’s connected to it; he’ll know its weakness,” Mike spoke up.

“I thought he was a spy for the mind flayer now?” Max asked.

“Yeah, but he can’t spy if he doesn’t know where he is.”

Everyone quickly got to work attempting to disguise the Byers’ shed so that it was unrecognizable to Will. You were outside, breaking down pieces of cardboard with Jonathan, while Nancy helped Steve hang tarps to cover the walls inside.

“So, you and Nancy?” You asked, getting deja vu to when you had asked Steve a very similar question during your car ride together that fateful day last November.

“What do you mean?” Jonathan was immediately defensive. You cocked your head to the side, shooting him a knowing look and chuckling before you spoke.

“Dude, it’s so obvious.”

“Well, what about you and Steve?” Jonathan fired back, aggressively ripping more cardboard.

“That is so not the same thing,” you whispered, hoping that Nancy and Steve didn’t hear him. The last thing you needed was to be on Nancy’s bad side. She was super badass and if she knew that things had been weird between you and her boyfriend (ex boyfriend?) you were sure there’d be hell to pay.

“I mean, it seems pretty similar to me,” Jonathan replied frustrated, “it doesn’t matter anyway; they’re not together anymore.”

“I mean, I know they argued, but I didn’t know they officially ended things,” you responded, doubtful of Jonathan’s words.

“Trust me. I know,” he remarked, saying the words with such finality that you could connect the dots to confirm that something had happened between the two of them. You dropped the subject, not wanting to piss Jonathan off further. After twenty more minutes of stapling and duct taping cardboard and newspapers to the walls of the shed, it was finally done, and everyone except for Hopper, Mike, Joyce, and Jonathan retreated to the inside of the Byers’ house.

There wasn’t much else to do other than wait, so you sat on the family room couch as Steve practiced his swing with the nail bat over and over and over again. It was weird, sitting and doing nothing while all of this was going on. You finally felt how tired your legs were from walking all throughout the’ woods and you really just wanted to take a nap.

“Did you put anymore thought into that essay?” You broke the silence as you asked Steve. His concentration broke as he stopped swinging the bat to look at you. The question caught him off guard and he wasn’t really sure what to say. What could he say? This had all been such a huge distraction that he hadn’t even really had the time to think about what his college essay should be about. Every time he thought about it, his mind would just go back to you and then he would push it aside.

“Uh, no. Not really, I mean…there’s kind of been a lot going on,” he chuckled, gesturing to the papers strewn about the house, a reminder of all of the shit you’d been through.

“That’s fair, that’s fair,” you replied, a bit bummed that your question hadn’t struck up a conversation like you had hoped it would; you hoped it would provide you an opportunity to be helpful in at least some capacity while you sat and twiddled your thumbs.

“What about you? What are your post grad plans?” He asked in return.

“You know, I’m honestly not really sure anymore,” you replied, your voice shrinking down into something meek and small.

“What do you mean? You work so damn hard all the time, I thought you had everything figured out,” Steve questioned. It was a red flag to him that you were expressing such uncertainty; it just didn’t make sense.

“I guess…I don’t know, it sounds stupid,” you prefaced, trying to save yourself the embarrassment of your vulnerability before continuing, “but I guess it just feels a bit futile to make these plans for the future when I don’t even know what that’s going to look like. I mean, I was always so set on going to college, but aside from the questions about feasibility—like can I afford it, will I get scholarships, how far can I go if I don’t have a car—I’m now starting to question if it’s something I even want to do. I mean, with all of this shit going on, who even knows if I’ll even live long enough to make it to—“

Steve cut you off, “woah, woah, woah! Y/n, we’re not doomsday prepping here. And if you think there’s a chance you’re not going to get a shit ton of scholarships, well then you’re not as smart as I thought you were…which now that I’m saying it, is a bit…a bit paradoxical but that’s besides the point. The point is, you’re gonna go to some fancy school—as far away as you want to go—collect a shit ton of degrees, and then you’re gonna live until you’re so old you forget how much a pain in the ass we all are.”

You couldn’t help but smile. You were glad that someone was in your corner. Your past self would have dropped dead if she knew it was Steve that was your biggest supporter. Sometimes you felt so lost in the shuffle, not having the social status to feel like your efforts really mattered—or that they were going to be rewarded. Life had a way of very distinctively not going your way, but it was nice to know that you at least had someone who believed in you when you couldn’t believe in yourself. Before you could get too sentimental about it, the lights started flashing like crazy and you could tell that Will had woken up.

It went on like that for several minutes, as you all moved to the front of the house, ready for whatever threat would find you. You jumped when Hopper burst through the door, grabbing a scrap sheet of paper and writing out morse code.

“What happened?” You were quick to ask.

“I think he’s talking, just not with words?” Jim replied. You all watched as he wrote out a series of dots and dashes, translating it as he wrote their corresponding letters.

“What is that?” Steve asked, confused by the mess of symbols on the page.

“Morse code,” you all replied in unison. He shrugged and you wondered for a moment if you’d truly been attending the same school. You looked at the paper, “HERE” spelled out, clear as day.

“Will’s still in there. He’s talking to us,” Hopper explained. So then began the operation of translating Will’s messages. Mike, Joyce, and Jonathan in the shed sharing memories with him while Hopper clicked Will’s communication through the walkie talkie. Huddled around the kitchen table were the rest of you, cheat sheets and scrap paper in hand, as you received Will’s message, letter by letter.

When Nancy wrote down the last letter, you all leaned over to read what Will had covertly been able to communicate to you.

“Close gate,” you all read. Suddenly the phone rang, and you all froze for a second. It was a dead giveaway that Will was still at his house. Dustin quickly scrambled to hang it up, but it rang again, likely Hopper’s military backup. You ran beside him, ripping the phone from the wall and tossing it across the room.

“Do you think he heard that?” Max asked hesitantly.

“It’s just a phone. It could be anywhere, right?” Steve added, trying to quell the anxiety permeating around the room, the air thick with worry. Steve was proved wrong, when Hopper came flying through the back door with his rifle, grabbing another gun as he shouted at all of you.

“Hey! Hey, get away from the windows!” He pulled the kids away from the front of the room. “Can you use this?” He held his gun out to Jonathan. The boy stammered in response, and Him didn’t have time for this. “I said, can you use this?”

“I can,” Nancy spoke up and you felt a bit relieved that she would have the gun. You trusted her with a gun more than anyone else, glad that it was her and not you. Everyone who had weapons held them up, aiming them towards the door. You gripped your knife tightly; this was a fight you were going to finish.

Your breath hitched in your throat when you heard the familiar screeching and chattering of the demogorgons outside of the house. It kept getting closer and closer, and your jaw set as you tried to focus your energy on the task at hand. You knew that after this, you were going to fall apart, and you just hoped that someone would be there to pick up the pieces.

Suddenly, the screeching stopped and a demo-dog—as Dustin had so idiotically coined them—came crashing through the glass of the window, falling in a heap on the family room floor. Dead.

“Holy shit,” Dustin whispered and you couldn’t help but agree. Holy shit was right, this was fucking insane.

You all turned as you heard noise by the front door. You reached up and grasped the back of Steve’s shirt out of fear, as the locks were undone from outside. You almost couldn’t believe your eyes, but you had seen a lot weirder shit, so this was pretty tame in comparison. Despite how ready you had been earlier, in the face of the impending threat, your confidence started to falter, as you pressed yourself up against Steve in hopes that holding on to him would make you feel more secure.

The door slowly swung open, and in stepped a girl about the same age as the other kids, her short hair slicked back, dark makeup applied around her eyes. Everyone lowered their weapons, Steve going to put an arm around you, squeezing your arm. You realized that this must be Eleven, the girl with the telepathic abilities that Dustin had told you about. Mike swiftly stepped forward to hug her as she burst into tears. Your heart broke for her; you couldn’t imagine what it was like to be someone’s science experiment for your whole life.

Hopper stepped forward to pull the girl in for a hug and that was when you all connected the dots that he had been hiding her since she disappeared last year. You were shocked, but not as shocked as Mike.

And he was mad.

***

Hopper had calmed Mike down, leading to a very long discussion of how you were able to kill this mind flayer without hurting Will in the process. Jonathan, Nancy, and Joyce had left with Will to steam the mind flayer out of him so that Hopper could take Eleven back to Hawkins Lab to close the gate.

That left you and Steve in charge of the four remaining kids…which really just made you want to cry. Because now your babysitting consisted of Dustin throwing all of the food from the Byers’ fridge onto the floor while Steve shoved a dead monster from an unknown dimension into it. And you weren’t even getting paid for it.

“Fine, but you’re explaining this to Mrs. Byers,” Steve reluctantly agreed, holding the demogorgon like a damn baby before the boys worked together to slam the fridge closed. Good riddance, you thought as it disappeared from view. Steve put his hand on the boy’s head, jostling his hat, before turning away from the fridge. The sight would’ve been endearing if they hadn’t just bonded over a dead monster that had almost tried to kill you.

Mike began pacing back and forth, frustrated that you were all stuck at Will’s instead of helping Eleven close the gate. The kids swiftly started arguing over it and you pinched the bridge of your nose, unable to take another second of their bickering.

“Would you all just shut the fuck up? Please?” You begged, but no one listened. Steve noticed your frustration and tried to help in the best way he knew how: with a sports metaphor.

“Listen, dude, a coach calls a play in the game, bottom line, you execute it, alright?”

“First of all, this isn’t some stupid sports game. And second, we’re not even in the game, we’re on the bench,” Mike argued. You sighed at how little Steve had thought this through. He noticed you glaring at him and tried and failed to salvage what he could of his life lesson to the impressionable young children.

“So…so yeah, my point is…” he stammered, and you all watched him expectantly as he paused. “Right, yeah, we’re on the bench, so, uh, there’s nothing we can do.”

“That’s not exactly true. When we were at the bus, the demo-dogs got called away,” Dustin reminded you all.

“So if we get their attention, maybe we can draw them away from the lab,” Max continued.

“Clear a path to the gate,” you chimed in. Steve looked at you, betrayed. He needed you to back him up on this otherwise this babysitting shit wasn’t going to work.

“Uh, yeah. And then we all die!” Steve threw his hands up in exasperation.

“That’s one point of view,” Dustin argued.

“That is not a point of view, man, that is a fact.”

“It doesn’t matter whether it’s a fact or a point of view, the point is, it’s still dangerous,” you added, coming to your senses. There was no way you could attract these monsters without someone getting hurt. You’d rather be on the bench than lose a teammate to a career ending injury. Fucking hell, I hate these sports metaphors. Who am I?

“I got it! This is where the chief dug his hole and it’s our way into the tunnels,” Mike explained, showing you a spot on Will’s map, “right here, this is a hub, it connects to all the other tunnels. Maybe if we set this on fire—“

“Yeah, that’s a no!” Steve yelled.

“The mind flayer would call away his army. They’d come to stop us,” Dustin continued.

“We circle back to the exit, by the time they realize we’re gone—“ Mike started.

“El would be at the gate,” Max finished his thought.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Steve clapped to draw the kids out of their batshit crazy plans. “This is not fucking happening.”

“But—“

“No, no, no, no, no. No buts. I promised I’d keep you shitheads safe, and that’s exactly what I plan on doing. We’re staying here—on the bench—and we’re waiting for the starting team to do their job. Does everybody understand that?”

“This isn’t some stupid sports game,” Mike shot back, annoyed that his sister’s now ex boyfriend was trying to tell him what he could and couldn’t do.

“I said, does everybody understand that?” Steve seemed scary, and honestly it was kind of a turn on. You didn’t mind him telling you what to do if he looked that damn hot doing it. You tried to shake the thought away, but you couldn’t help but enjoy the way he seemed so paternal. He was stepping up as a babysitter and you couldn’t be prouder.

“I need a yes,” you added when none of the children responded, trying to demonstrate to Steve that you were on his team. While Steve was scary, Dustin still thought you were a thousand times scarier, even though you’d only said four words. Before Dustin could open his mouth to speak, you were all distracted by an engine revving outside.

Max ran to the window, recognizing the car as her heart leapt to her throat. “That’s my brother. He can’t know we’re here. He’ll kill me. He’ll kill us!” Max rambled, clearly intimidated by her step brother. You went to put an arm on the girl’s shoulder in an attempt to calm her down.

“Don’t worry about it Max, I’ll handle it. I promise,” you told the girl as you stepped towards the door.

“Uh uh. No way. Not happening,” Steve pulled you behind him a bit aggressively as he had recognized the plates from sunny California, connecting the dots to figure that Max had the misfortune of being related to the biggest asshole he had ever met. Before you could protest, he swiftly exited the house, slamming the door behind him.

“Am I dreaming or is that you Harrington?” Billy asked with a shit eating grin on his face, stepping out of his car.

“Yeah it’s me. Don’t cream your pants.”

“What are you doing here amigo?” Billy asked.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Steve replied, wanting to give him as little information as possible.

“Looking for my step sister. A little birdie told me she was here. Small? Redhead? Bit of a bitch?”

“Sorry doesn’t ring a bell.”

“I don’t know, this whole situation, Harrington, is giving me a bit of the heebie-jeebies. My thirteen year old sister goes missing all day and I find her with you at a stranger’s house, and you lie to me about it.”

“Man, were you dropped too much as a child? I told you, she’s not here,” Steve was surprised he was able to keep his voice even. He was face to face with Billy and all he wanted to do was beat the shit out of him. He had been an ass to you and clearly Max was afraid of him too, so he deserved to have the shit kicked out of him. All things considered, Steve thought he was being pretty damn civil.

“Then who is that?” Billy asked, pointing his cigarette at the window. Steve turned around and watched as all four kids ducked out of view. Where the fuck were you when all of this was happening?

“Oh shit,” he whispered before turning back around to face Billy, “Listen—“

His explanation was cut off when Billy shoved him to the ground. “I told you to plant your feet,” he seethed, kicking Steve in the stomach before entering the house.

When Billy slammed open the door, there you were, in a protective stance in front of the kids, slowly backing them towards the kitchen. “What the fuck is this, y/n?” He approached you. Your breath hitched in your throat and you were scared out of your mind. But in that moment, all that mattered was those kids, as you took a step towards Billy, chin up.

“And look who it is, Lucas Sinclair,” he added, looking past you. He turned to Max, “you disobeyed me. And you know what happens when you disobey me…I break things.” He lunged to grab Lucas but you shoved him back enough to knock him off kilter, redirecting his focus as he grabbed the collar of your windbreaker instead, forcing you into a corner of the room. Your shoulders tensed up and you froze, struggling as you attempted to pry yourself out of his grip.

“Y/n, I’ve gotta say. I’m disappointed. I’ve been nothing but nice to you and this—” he dropped your collar, hand shooting to grab your wrist to prevent you from moving away as he gestured to his sister, “—this is how you repay me?”

“Let me go!” You seethed as you kicked him where it hurt. He groaned as he backed up, but it wasn’t enough room for you to escape. He slapped you across the face, grabbing you by the shoulders and slamming you back against the wall. He threw another punch to your face and your nose began to gush blood, most likely broken.

“You bitch! You’re dead!” He shouted, pulling you towards him to slam you into the wall again, when Steve suddenly grabbed his arm.

“No. You are,” he said before throwing a solid punch at Billy. You fell to the floor, grateful you were in the kitchen as you reached for a towel to hold up to your nose. He doubled over before twisting back up to face Steve, cackling with a wide smile on his face. He was absolutely insane, as you sat horrified. You wanted to get up, help Steve, say anything, but you were struggling to keep your eyes open as you began to hyperventilate.

“Looks like you got some fire in you after all, huh? I’ve been waiting to meet this King Steve everybody’s been telling me so much about,” Billy stepped towards him again.

“Get the fuck out,” Steve warned, pushing him away. There was a moment of stillness in the kitchen before Billy swung at Steve, but he ducked at the last minute, throwing another punch back that landed at Billy’s temple. He backed up and the kitchen erupted into a chorus of cheers for Steve to fuck Billy up as Steve threw another punch.

Steve’s advantage didn’t last for long, as Billy grabbed a dinner plate, breaking it over Steve’s head. Steve moved back into the family room, clutching his head as Billy followed him, throwing a punch that knocked Steve off balance.

“No one tells me what to do,” Billy seethed, shoving Steve to the ground before getting on top of him throwing punch after punch his way. Seeing Steve hurt gave you the strength you needed to stand up. You wobbled slightly, grabbing the golf club from your backpack and heading over to the family room where Steve was getting the shit beat out of him.

You swung back, your vision blurred as you attempted to line up your swing. You didn’t want to kill the boy, but you did want to incapacitate him, and there seemed to be a very fine line between those things when you could barely see straight to swing with accuracy. Billy must have seen you in his peripheral as he swiftly stood, Steve long passed out, and grabbed the club from your hand. Your eyes fluttered as you attempted to stay standing, wanting to crumble under Billy’s wild gaze. He shoved you to the floor, your head hitting the ground hard. Your ears were ringing as he got on top of you, pinning your hands down beside your head. A tear escaped your eye as the ringing stopped and he got dangerously close to your ear to whisper in it.

“You should’ve just been a good girl and listened on Halloween.”

A small cry escaped your lips as he grabbed your shoulders and slammed you into the ground again. Your eyes were fluttering shut, but the last thing you saw was Max appear behind the boy, a needle plunging deep into Billy’s neck. He shouted out in pain as Max administered the sedative, Billy standing up to face her. You wanted to say something, anything, stand up to protect the young girl, wrapped up in fighting these monsters even though she lived with one.

You wanted to fight for her, but she disappeared as the world went dark.

***

Steve woke up in the backseat of a car, double vision making it hard to make out anything in the dark. He saw someone holding a can of gasoline and thought the features seemed familiar.

“Nancy?” He croaked out. But as his vision cleared, he was met with the confused gaze of Mike Wheeler. He felt a deep pain in his face and he went up to feel his nose, which was undoubtedly broken, when a hand pushed his away.

“No, don’t touch it,” he heard Dustin’s voice, turning to look him in the eyes “Hey, buddy. It’s okay, you put up a good fight. He kicked your ass but you put up a good fight.” At least the boy was honest, but couldn’t he at least sugarcoat it a little bit?

The rest of his body started to wake up, and that was when he noticed the weight across his chest, lifting his head which ached in such an indescribable way, to notice you, brightly covered band-aids littering your bruised and battered face, unconscious on top of him.

He heard Lucas giving the driver directions and that was when it all clicked for him and his mind finally showed up. If you were unconscious then who was driving the fucking car?!

“Oh my god!” Steve choked out causing you to stir. His hands grabbed onto you as groaned, eyes slowly fluttering open.

You came to much faster than Steve had, pretty much immediately noticing that Max was driving the car. “What the fuck!” You exclaimed, attempting to sit up, but Dustin pushed you back into Steve.

“Just relax. She’s driven before,” Dustin assured you.

“Yeah, in a parking lot,” Mike shot back, clearly not happy about this plan either.

“That counts!” Lucas chimed in from the passenger seat.

“Oh my god,” Steve repeated gripping onto you tighter.

“They were going to leave you behind. I promised that you’d be cool!” Dustin told him, trying to convince him to behave.

“Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, what’s going on?” He yelled out as Max accelerated. “Ohhhh, woah! No! Stop the car, slow down!” He yelled and you shrieked as you buried your face in his neck. His arm instinctively curled around your waist, holding you tight against his body.

“I told you he’d freak out!” Mike yelled, annoyed that they hadn’t just left him behind. To be honest, he knew you’d freak out too but he couldn’t in good conscience leave you there. Especially if Billy woke up.

“Stop the car!” You screamed, but it was slightly muffled as you were unwilling to leave the safe haven that was Steve’s neck, head still buried there as if your life depended on it.

“Everybody shut up! I’m trying to focus!” Max shouted.

“Make a left! Make a left!” Lucas shouted pointing at the turn Max was about to pass up. She cut it hard, the inertia throwing you all to the right of the car, as Steve squeezed his eyes shut, wrapping his other arm around you as he held onto you with all his might. Max, swerved as she attempted to regain control of the vehicle, taking out a mailbox in the process. Well, that’s a felony, you thought as she continued on. You’d faced monsters of unimaginable terror and this was how you were going to go out: in the backseat of a car with a child at the wheel.

After several more minutes that felt like hours of reckless driving, the car screeched to a halt at the opening of the tunnel Hopper had dug into. “I told you. Zoomer,” Max exclaimed confidently from the front seat.

“What the fuck does that even mean?” You cried out, done with this hellish car ride. The kids all swiftly made their way out of the car, you and Steve having a bit more trouble. Neither of you were able to gain your footing too quickly, as you stumbled into him. He caught you, allowing you to brace yourself against him as you righted yourself.

“Oh no, guys!” Steve groaned, “hey! Where do you think you’re going?” He added as Dustin made his way over to the opening of the tunnel, can of gasoline in hand. “We are not going down there! I made myself clear!”

No one was listening as the kids all moved around the two of you, grabbing supplies and preparing for their descent. “Hey! There is no chance we’re going in that hole, alright? This ends right now!” He moved away from you gripping the backpack out of the trunk before Dustin could grab it.

“Steve! You’re upset, I get it. But bottom line is a party member requires assistance, and it is our duty to provide that assistance. Now, I know you promised Nance you’d keep us safe, so keep us safe,” Dustin emphasized the end as he held out Steve’s backpack and tossed you your sheathed blade.

Donning bandanas and goggles, you and Steve descended into the tunnel before the rest of the kids.

“It’s this way!” Mike announced, following his crudely drawn map. Steve snatched it out of his hand.

“Hey, I don’t think so. If any of you shits die down here, I’m getting the blame, got it dipshit? From here on out I’m leading the way. Come on let’s go!” He yelled. You joined him at the front of the group to talk to him as the kids formed their own group in the rear to talk.

“I’m sorry, Steve,” you apologized. He turned to look at you and you wished you could see his face to determine the look on it.

“What the fuck do you mean you’re sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for,” he replied, shocked that you would even think that was necessary.

“It’s just, you stopped Billy from hitting me and then he beat the shit out of you. So I’m sorry because that should’ve been me,” you answered him, your eyes welling up with tears. You willed yourself not to cry. The last thing you needed was these dumbass swim goggles filling with water.

“I’m fucking glad it wasn’t you y/n. And I’m not gonna let him touch you ever again, okay? I promise.”

You nodded, too choked up to trust your voice as you continued down the tunnels. You pushed away the anxiety you were feeling about getting lost, trusting that the map the kids had drawn was correct. It took a while but finally the tunnels opened up and you saw countless other ones that fed to this location.

“I think we found your hub,” you exclaimed taking in the sight. It was pretty insane to look at and you couldn’t quite believe that all of this was here in Hawkins.

“Let’s drench it,” Mike replied, ready to kill the fucking thing; hit it where it hurt. You all poured gasoline all around the hub, the smell almost nauseating, making you glad you had the bandana around your face. When it was all finally said and done, you all retreated to the tunnel that you came from, facing your gasoline soaked work.

“Alright. Are you ready?” Steve asked.

“Light her up,” you replied.

“I am in such deep shit,” Steve added before sparking his lighter and tossing it into the hub. It erupted into flames and your mind flashed back to the fire Jonathan had set last year in his hallway, burning the demogorgon that had nearly killed you.

“Go, go, go!” Steve yelled, the kids running ahead of you as you and Steve took up the rear this time, wanting to make sure that if all else failed, the kids got out. You ran through the tunnels as swiftly as you could, attempting not to trip on the vines scattered haphazardly across the ground. Suddenly, Mike began screaming for help as you realized a vine had wrapped around his ankle, pulling him to the floor.

“Everybody back!” You yelled as you unsheathed your knife, slashing the vine and releasing Mike from its grip. He stood and you geared up to continue your way through the tunnels, when you came face to face with one of the demo-dogs.

“Dart?” Dustin asked. You all screamed at Dustin to get back but he didn’t listen. “Trust me. Hey it’s me. It’s your friend, Dustin. You remember me? Will you let us pass?”

The demogorgon opened its mouth to shriek at him and you were about to lunge forward to grab Dustin, but Steve stopped you.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry about the cellar. You hungry?” Dustin asked reaching into his backpack, pulling out a three musketeers. “I’ve got our favorite! Nougat,” he unwrapped the candy placing it in front of the demogorgon waving all of you to go ahead of him. You hesitated but finally listened, going against all instinct and trusting that the boy might know what he’s doing.

You all finally made your way back to the rope when the ground began to shake and you heard the shrieking of demogorgons in the distance. They were coming, and they were coming fast.

Steve lifted up each kid, boosting them up so they could climb the rope and exit the tunnels, until it was just you and him. They were gaining on you and there was no time. Steve had his bat ready to swing, and you braced for impact knowing that there was nothing the two of you could do to stop the dozens of demo-dogs that were inevitably coming. You shut your eyes, hearing the growl of the demogorgons and the cries from the kids above you, but the impact never came instead, you clutched Steve to keep your balance, as the demo-dogs sprinted past you, headed somewhere else.

You chuckled in disbelief, hugging Steve, burying your face in his chest as his hand went to the nape of your neck. You both swayed like that for a moment, holding each other in relief before the kids broke the magic of the moment.

“Hey lovebirds! We need to get out of here!” Dustin yelled down the hole.

Those damn kids.

***

Steve agreed to drive Dustin to the Snowball, and you begged to go with. Despite all of the bullshit he’d put you through, you loved the kid more than you loved most things, and you weren’t going to miss the opportunity to see him all dressed up for this school dance.

“Alright, buddy. Here we are,” Steve said as he pulled up to Hawkins Middle. “Just remember, go in there—“

“And pretend I don’t care.”

“There you go. You’re learning, my friend,” Steve smiled and you rolled your eyes from the backseat. Dustin leaned forward to check the visor mirror, but Steve slammed it back shut before he could open it.

“Hey, come on. You look great, okay? You’re gonna go in there—you look like a million bucks—and you’re gonna slay ‘em dead, okay?”

“Like a lion,” Dustin replied, rolling his r’s in a weird purr that had you cringing behind him.

“Yeah, don’t do that, okay?” Steve warned and Dustin nodded. “Good luck,” he added as he shook Dustin’s hand before Dustin exited the car, making his way into the gym.

You moved to the front seat a wide grin on your face. “That was sweet,” you told Steve and he rolled his eyes.

“Whatever, freak,” Steve grumbled.

“Hey, that’s a good thing you know,” you reminded him as he began to pull away, making his way back towards his house. “Are you sure you’re okay with me staying at yours again?” You asked. You two were beginning to blur the line between friends and something more.

“Yeah, yeah! Of course. I wouldn’t want to go home to an empty house after all of that shit either,” Steve told you, though most days he did go home to an empty house, his parents on various different business trips. Your parents just worked nights occasionally, and every once in a while they coincided. Since Eleven closed the gate, even though things were better, you still weren’t too keen on staying home alone, so you’d made it a habit to stay at Steve’s, so long as his parents were gone (which they usually were).

Steve wasn’t going to complain. And he definitely wasn’t going to tell you no. He wanted more than anything to be there for you and if company was what you needed, he made damn sure he could provide it. Plus, you still shared a bed with him when you stayed the night.

As Steve looked at you, moonlight hitting your face and making all your features look soft as you hummed and nodded along to the music on the radio, he knew he wasn’t going to write that damn college essay. College wasn’t really for him, and deep down he’d always known it.

And besides, he wasn’t quite ready to leave you yet.

***

a/n: I hope you enjoyed this part! I’m excited to start writing for season 3! Comment and reblog if you enjoyed it! I’d love to know what you think ;)

[quinnyundertow]

Picking up the Pieces

Chapter 2

What we Lost

Choso x Reader

Chapter 1

THERE WILL BE MANGA SPOILERS BELOW

Summary: The fight with Sukuna has finally ended. Before he’s wisked off the battlefield the boy named Yuji begs you to try and save what’s left of his older brother.

TW Extreme disabilities, hospital setting, amputation.

AN: Writing this fic so far has been incredibly cathartic. I’ve found writing to be incredibly difficult since my back surgery. At first I thought it was the heavy duty pain killers and meds fogging my mind. Maybe it was. Now I’m just depressed. In the blink of an eye I went from no disability to unable to drive and using a walker to get around. Even then the pain is extreme. Thankfully my body is not as wounded as Choso’s is in this. Choso will not regain his limbs or full function in this story. But that doesn’t mean he can’t have a happy ending. Choso will have disabilities moving forward but that doesn’t mean he’s something broken that needs to be fixed. He still has value despite his physical limitations. I’m trying to convince myself that I do too.

Chapter 2

What we lost

All he could feel was pain. He had never experienced a sensation like this before. Wave upon wave of raw agony rolled over him. There’s this screeching mechanical noise blaring near him. Muffled voices are discussing something but it’s like all the sounds are under water. He’s trying to focus his blood manipulation ability to assess the damage to himself but something is terribly wrong. It’s like trying to grasp threads of information in a typhoon. The capabilities he used to summon with barely a thought before are slipping through his fingers. He can’t tell the extent of the damage Sukuna left but he knows this is a very bad sign. The pain has him gritting his teeth and straining his exhausted muscles.

Is this how his brothers felt before they died? Kechizu and Eso? Hell, even Yuji when he had practically killed him in that bathroom in Shibuya. Yuji. Had he been able to save Yuji? He thinks he did, hopes with every fiber of his being he did. If he failed, he hopes to die sooner rather than later. He tries to open his eyes but they’re too heavy. A racking wet cough bubbles out of his mouth to form the words to ask the only thing that matters, “Yuji?”

Someone is responding but he can’t make out the words. A small soft hand takes his own. It’s not Yuji. It reassures some part of him all the same. It feels like a life preserver has been thrown into the roiling ocean around him. Sudden relief from pain.

Time passes in a state between waking and dreams. He can tell when Yuji visits. His hand is large and calloused on his own. Yuji’s distressed. He knows he’s the reason and he hates it. Blood pressure rising as he’s struggling to open his eyes. Hands are on his shoulders as he seizes violently. Those small delicate hands are on one side and Yuji’s on the other. That familiar flow of pain relief pulls him under.

~~

Yuji Itadori has been through so much at this point yet he’s still smiling. It’s an exhausted, stressed out smile but a smile all the same. You feel cripplingly guilty. You may have kept Choso alive but the state he’s in is barely human. Er, curse. An existence at all.

“I can’t thank you enough for watching over him.” Yuji’s voice is sincere as he bows his head. You hate that he’s thanking you. Yuji has been at the hospital on campus more than he’s been home. Everyone he loves, still alive, is here in some capacity after all. Megumi Fushiguro and Nobara Kugisaki have their own rooms but they tend to gravitate towards one another and stay in Megumi’s room. Much to Megumi’s pretend chagrin.

Your voice is heavy with exhaustion, “It’s the least I can do.” You haven’t left the hospital in the week since Sukuna was destroyed. Neither has Shoko nor Nitta. There are so many injured people. Every few hours someone codes. Heart stopping, lungs failing. You three manage to bring them back but it’s taking everything you have. You’ve never felt so helpless. You know Shoko and Nitta feel it too. When your eyes meet each other in the hall as you pass. Grim expressions rather than greetings.

Yuji scratches the back of his neck; a gesture you’ve come to learn means he’s not sure what else to do with them. “Please don’t diminish what you’re doing.” He pauses to look back in the room where Choso is sleeping fitfully. “He’s calmer when you're close.”

You give a tired chuckle, “I’m a walking painkiller. Can you blame him?”

Yuji tilts his head as if considering your words. He looks like he wants to say more but words fail him. “If it’s okay with you, I’m going to go check on Fushiguro.”

You nod, “Of course.” Yuji’s low bow before he leaves seems excessive. This is the boy who saved all of Japan after all. You sigh. Yuji doesn’t see the situation the same way. He sees it as him failing to protect all of Japan. You duck behind the curtain pulled around Choso’s bedside and sink into the chair beside him.

Choso looks like he was chewed up and spit out again by a meat grinder. Maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration; but not by much.

You had managed to nap for about an hour the ate some food Yuji had brought up alongside fresh flowers for the room. That was enough to give yourself a little more cursed energy to expend. You are trying to improve his quality of life while keeping him drugged up so he’s not in excruciating pain. Even with all your advanced pain relieving jutsus he moans for hours on end. Throat so raw he coughs up blood.

You place your fingers right behind his ears near his jaw. His right eardrum is just about healed. He should be able to hear something at least. The left ear is irreparable. Well technically it’s not the ear. Shoko said it’s the nerves from the brain to his ear that were destroyed. He has a gnarly scar on the back of his head. His dark locks will hide it in time. That’s probably the least of his worries.

You pick up his medical chart and jot down some notes. There’s a human figure at the bottom of the page. The figure shows front and back with notes on all injuries. You had to start numbering the locations because it was too much to write in the area provided.

“Left cranium injury, loss of hearing and sight to left eye. Severe burns to the inside of the throat and lungs from breathing in super heated air. Six broken ribs, right lung punctured, arms with severe burns from the elbow down. Right hand missing pinky and index finger. Left hand and forearm required amputation.” You can’t read anymore. Needless to say nothing survived below the knees.

When he’s up moaning in pain all night you wish you never would have tried to help him. He probably would beg you to let him die if he could manage it.

You stroke the right side of his forehead gently. He remarkably hasn’t had a fever today. He’s gradually improving. Shoko says he’s out of the woods now. He won’t die but he can’t regrow any of the pieces missing either.

Tracing his brow you hope the light sensation brings the tiniest bit of comfort. You’re terrified he’ll hate you when he wakes up and registers his condition. The only thing proving he’s aware of anything is he cries out for Yuji intermittently only to stop when Yuji or you hold his hand. What’s left of it. You hesitated at first to put any pressure on his hand but when you finally did his three undamaged fingers wrapped around your own. He didn’t let go until Yuji took your place.

His fingers curl comfortably around yours now. The sharing of warmth between you both seems to help you both relax. His blood pressure goes down to a healthier level and you can finally manage to get some much needed sleep. You don’t even realize when you doze off. Something feels wrong when you wake up. The hospital room is dark except for the green glow of the machine running his intravenous and keeping his pulse and oxygen rates tracked. Disentangling his finger from yours, you stand, examining the numbers on it to be sure there isn’t anything wildly out of the ranges he’s been in. “It doesn’t look bad. All things considered.” You’ve been talking to him since the moment you found him in the rubble. It comes naturally now. You don’t expect a response.

The relationship you have is one sided. You and Choso had never officially met before the fight against Sukuna. You had seen him in passing. Especially in the months leading up to the climactic battle of good vs evil. He was referred to as the curse protecting Sukuna’s former vessel by those who didn’t care for him and Itadori’s older brother by those who did. You hadn’t formed an opinion either way at the time.

You change the bag of urine collected and make sure his catheter doesn’t have any kinks in the line. Finding nothing else to occupy yourself with you slide back into the chair you had been seated in. “I think I’m starting to lose it.” You’re not sure what woke you up but you doubt you could fall back asleep anytime soon. You place your hand under his again and his fingers wrap back around your own.

You adjust pulling your legs up onto your chair, your thumb lightly rubbing the back of his hand in what you hope is comforting circles. That uncomfortable feeling falls over you again. It’s like you're being watched. You jerk awake, your eyes quickly scan up his face only to lock on the dark brown eye watching you. You gasp in surprise and shock. He looks cognizant, his pupils are almost back to normal size. Your mouth opens and shuts a few times in shock, “I-I gotta tell Yuji.”

You go to reach for your phone but your attention goes back to him when he tries to sit up and speak. Eyes widening, you're shaking your head. You let go of the hand that is holding his to urge him to not move; but his grasp on you is surprisingly strong. It doesn’t hurt at all but it’s definitely firm. “Choso, please don’t try to get up yet. You’ll tear your stitches open.”

He must be able to hear your plea because he pauses and rests back into the pillows laying about him. His eyes are scanning his surroundings briefly. They pause on the wall clock only to wander until they rest on your face. “It’s 3:20 AM.” You hear yourself stupidly explain what he clearly just saw. “..but you know that because you read the clock. Sorry.”

He looks confused as to why you're apologizing. You flush in embarrassment before picking up your phone again. “Yuji is going to be so happy you're aware now.”

His fingers squeeze your own briefly to get your attention. You pause to glance up at him in surprise. His voice is deep and scratchy sounding but it’s there. “Don’t.”

You blink in confusion several times. All Choso has done is ask for Yuji the whole time he’s sick and now he doesn’t want to see him? Clarity hits you a moment later, “You don’t want to wake him up?”

The corner of his lip curls slightly in the smallest smile. His fingers flexing once around yours in what your guessing is approval. You can’t help but smile back, your eyes burning with relief that his mind seems intact. “How about I text him as a compromise?”

His response is so light it’s barely a flutter of his fingers. His head is leaning back into his pillow. The eye he doesn’t have covered with bandages sleepily blinks at you. His eye is starting to look unfocused as it drifts shut. Each time it closes it’s a little longer than the last. He’s still holding your hand. You text with one hand to Yuji telling him the good news but not to rush over that Choso is going back to sleep. When you finish the message you tuck the phone into your pants pocket. Now free your spare hand wanders to his brow again. Still cool to the touch. You caress his forehead lightly stroking his hair back. You hope you aren’t overstepping your boundaries by doing so. Thankfully, you're reassured when he gives a long breath out and his brow relaxes as he fully falls asleep.

Chapter 3

AN

I really enjoyed these fics with themes of loss and surviving with a caregiver reader. Please consider checking them out.

@umemiyan Postmortem/Postpartum

Buttholesupreme “I’ll be seeing you”

[ghoulie-67-baby]

Haunted - BAU team.

Summary: A particularly difficult case leaves you with death haunting your vision.

Warnings: General criminal minds issues, mentions of: weapons, suicide, injuries, explosion, fire, imagined death, anxiety attack, panic attack, anger, angst, crying, grounding exercises, exhaustion and fatigue, praise, pet names,

Pairing: BAU team x reader (Platonic/ Otherwise).

Word count: 2,011.

Having anxiety was no secret. I never was the best at hiding it and the team were well aware of how bad it could be but I handled myself when I needed to. I had tried to hide it from the moment I met them but I'd never shown how debilitating it was at the worst times.

The case we had been greeted with this morning was an active shooter and we all barely got out alive. Through having to split up and me losing my partner in the flurry of bodies, we were lucky to make it home. There was no doubt we could all do our jobs properly, we were well versed in our line of work but the horror of losing them was at the forefront of my mind the entire time, haunting me through the case as my mind ran rampant with what-ifs. I should have known it was useless trying to hide my thoughts around a team of the most prolific profilers but god did I try.

We surveyed the building, kitted in vests and guns, deducing this would be his endgame and we were right. Prentiss had my six and we worked seamlessly to scout our section of the building. But he caught us off guard with his final move. We profiled him as narcissistic, arrogant, someone who wanted everyone to know his name but never as a suicidal maniac.

The profile had been right, up until it wasn't, until we recognised some of the floor tiles were fitted with timed pressure bombs. The whole building was a ticking time bomb and we didn't know how long we had until it blew. Our communication lines with each other screeched with shouted warnings of the issue and on three we all ran to the closest exit. Emily and I were the closest to the exit, and the rest of the team spread out further into the death trap.

My chest heaved as I ran as fast as I could, pushing Emily out of the door before she could argue, the pair of us skidding to a stop at a safer distance as the bombs blew the building to pieces and flames engulfed the remaining structure.

The feeling that flooded my body as flames licked at the sky was indescribable, throwing me straight into a rational panic. Frantically, I scrambled towards the building, dodging falling smouldering debris in search of my team, my family, begging for them to be alive. Arms snaked around my waist and yanked me back, my eyes wide as I tried to read Emily's words over the blaze, shattering and sirens. At least she was thinking straight. My heart and stomach were in my throat, tears blurring my vision as I gave up fighting her grip. Penelope's voice was the first thing that filtered through the racket, tears evident in her voice as she begged us to answer, for us all to be safe but I couldn't find my Voice.

My knees practically buckled beneath me as Rossi's voice cracked in my ear followed by the remainder of the team, confirming everyone was present and accounted for. We all got away with bumps and scratches, a sprained wrist or ankle from jumping the building but otherwise unscathed, at least physically.

The day played on repeat in my head as I stood in my office back at the BAU, fake scenarios trampling through my vivid imagination as I watched the team through my blinds. Even David and Aaron were out of their offices, relief clear on their faces as they laughed and joked together. Every so often, they would look over at my window and I would make out I was busy, knowing if I joined them I would bring the mood down and my body would shut down. They had seen bad days, they had experienced their own bad days but they hadn't witnessed me at my worst and I wasn't sure I wanted them to.

My knees trembled as I walked around my desk, sinking into the plushness of my chair but it brought me no relief. Often, I used my job as a way of coping or pushing things away so nobody would see me break but today that method was far too little for what I was feeling. An hour dragged by in a concoction of sweating hands, shaking limbs and the occasional faint laughter from my team. No matter how I tried to drown the world out, I just felt worse, each moment getting more unbearable.

"Jesus Christ," I grated out through clenched teeth, holding my hands behind my head as my chest tightened. "What am I doing?" The question seemed mocking in the silence as I ran my fingers over my face to gather myself. Steadying myself, I took a deep breath and towards the door, White-knuckling my files before exiting my office and walking along the catwalk to Aaron's. Eyes instantly locked onto me, following my steps as I fought to regulate my breathing as rapid breathing created spikes of pain in my chest and head. I let out a silent plea in my head for the world to swallow me up, grappling with my image to stay composed.

A shaky hand rose to swing open the door, stumbling slightly towards his desk as tears began to take my vision. The files all but fell from my hands as I doubled over, my hands gripping the edge of the desk as I poorly attempted the breathing techniques Spencer had told me about but instead, black spots danced across my vision. It didn't take long for the team to notice my blunder as the sound of footsteps filled my ears, curiosity and worry permeating the air.

I didn't move from my leaning position as they filed in, closing the door and blinds as I struggled to control the broken and ragged breaths that squeezed from my throat. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself not to cry, not to break as they watched.

Not here. Not now.

The flare of pain in my chest shocked me as my hand slapped to my chest in panic, palpitations knocking my heartbeat off course. Images of their mangled bodies flooded my mind, each of them lying motionless at horrifying angles in the rubble of the building. The sight of my family lying dead in the dirt as though they were raggedy dolls caused bile to rise in my throat as I glared at the floor.

"Y/N," Emily's voice rang in my ears, her dead lips moving in time. "What do you need?" Scalding tears streamed down my face as I let out a cynical laugh. Why would she ask me that when she was the one lying ripped apart and covered in dirt and soot? What I needed was the least of my worries. Being caged in my own head scared me more than anything and anger quickly rose as I shook the bars, wanting to escape, wanting to move. What I would give to laugh and joke with them in this moment. And yet I knew it was in my head, knew that Emily wasn't really dead but my own brain refused to acknowledge it.

The anger quickly boiled over, becoming unbearable, as I launched an empty glass from Hotch's desk at the wall, sobs clawing from my throat as I dug my nails into the wood in an attempt to ground myself. I tried to filter the facts into my mind; I was safe, my team were alive and trying to get my attention, the world was locked out leaving us in the soft light of the office and I needed help. God, I needed help dealing with this, I couldn't do this one alone.

"Y/N, let's get you sat down." My head shook, betraying me as I let go of the desk, trying to straighten up. The action was instantly regrettable as my head screamed at me and my legs collapsed under me. I gritted my teeth in pain as my head throbbed, joined by pain radiating through my spine and butt. Wonderful, just to add to my plate, I was now ridiculously embarrassed. Heartwrenching sobs worked up in my throat and escaped, leaving me pained and vulnerable to my whole team who were scrambling around me, making sure I wasn't hurt.

My body was unexpectantly hauled into a pair of arms, fight or flight kicking in as I tried to escape them, the room filling with breathless whimpers and wet gasps from my cries. My eyes were tight as vices and the burn of their eyes simmered through me, witnessing my weakness. I loathed that they were seeing me like this, especially at work.

"We've got you, Y/N, We're here." I tried to focus on David's softened voice, gripping his arms as they held me, back resting against his chest. I felt a shift as someone knelt beside us and my eyes shot open, more tears forced from them as the blurry image of Spencer came into a wavering focus. Gentle fingers rested against the pulse point on my wrist as my body vibrated with effortful breaths. I stared up at the tiled ceiling, teeth chattering as I let the pains in my lungs and head run their course. The rest of the team has taken up space in the office, on the sofa, office chairs and even the floor. They'd made such an effort to make me comforted with just analysing the space around us and making themselves fit into it rather than towering over me and making it feel worse.

"Remember the breathing techniques I told you about, stay in the room with us." I nodded shakily, watching with haunted eyes as Spencer's hand circled my other wrist and placed it on his chest in an attempt to have me breathe with him. David's steady, strong heartbeat thumped against my back and I sunk into the feeling of them as JJ's hand came to rest on my ankle. The heat of it burned my cold, clammy skin as slowly but surely my breaths came easier, my eyes cleared of spotted vision and the tingling feeling in my hands and feet subsided. My breathing was still a little unsettled, hiccups emerging between small sobs as my team, my family, encouraged me.

"You're doing so well," Penelope's voice was gentle and sweet, similar to how you would speak to a scared child and the irony stung a little. "You want some water?" I nodded, scrubbing at my face only for silent tears to replace erased ones. A brightly coloured bottle was thrust gently into my eyes and I gratefully took it, gulping down the liquid to soothe the sear in my throat. Shivers began to run down my spine as I calmed down, teeth chattering as the chill overtook and my eyes geared up more as Aaron removed his suit jacket, wrapping it over me as a comforting blanket. My body was trembling as though my blood sugar had plummeted and fatigue set in quickly as all the energy drained from my body and I slumped bonelessly against the older agent.

"Hey baby doll, you got through it, you're okay." I took a deep breath, a small smile twitching on my face as Derek praised me. "We're proud of you."

My eyes began to flutter as I fought to keep them open, gentle murmurs of voices filling the space as the room settled down. Aaron and David's voices registered in a low, soothing hum, barely registering through my exhaustion. Time seemed to dawdle by until I was carefully lifted into strong, warm arms, carrying me across the space and laying me down softly on the sofa. I hummed a thank you as a blanket was draped over me along with the suit jacket and my head nestled down into Emily's lap as the smell of Penelope's lavender laundry detergent wafted from the blanket, lulling me to sleep alongside the gentle nails grazing my scalp.

[sanjoongie]

Duchess of Death!

☠Pairing: Butler! Jung Yunho x Duchess! Reader (f) x Cook! Jung Wooyoung

☠Au: the Duke of death and his maid anime, anime au, noble au

☠Trope: mutual pining, noble/servant

☠Genre: angst, smut

☠️Word Count: 2,136

☠Rating: 18+, MDNI

☠Warnings: the entire sexy body of Jeong Yunho described in various compromising ways, mxm, handjob, mutual masturbation, verbal instruction

☠Summary: cursed as a child to kill anything you touch, you're banished to your family's estate in the country with only your faithful Butler Yunho by your side. He knows of your curse yet does everything in his power to push your limits--just to see your reaction.

☠A/N: To the Ying to my Yang. may we never see eye to eye and always laugh despite of it 🤣🤣 you’re always there to match my level and i never feel more myself than i am with you. We may fight, and sometimes it’s nasty, but I'd like to think that sisters fight the way we do, so that always eases my heart. Please never change, you’re my world, my sun, happy birthday @mejuii

“Yunho!” You call for your butler at the piano. “My oral fixation is acting up again! Fetch me something to suck on.”

“As you wish, Your Grace.” Yunho bows his head and reaches for his pants.

You watch in horror as he unbuttons them and places both hands by his hips, about to pull down his pants, implying--

“YUNHO!” You screech, covering your eyes with your gloved hands. “Why are you like this?!”

Yunho began to button his pants back up. “Why, because your reactions are so cute, Your Grace,” Yunho chuckled.

“I'll cute you,” You say, a grumble and a warning in your tone, “without the e.”

“Oh no!” Yunho covers his mouth in a mock gasp of horror. “Not my hair, Your Grace, you swore you'd never let me cut it. Or do you mean to say you wonder if I'm cut or not? Do you think that changes the texture on your tongue?”

Your face heats up, embarrassment thrumming through your veins. “No, I did not mean that! Stop with your sexual innuendos.”

Yunho smiles, lips only pulled up at the corners in the slightest, his perfect cupid’s bow  the epitome of temptation. And you will never be able to feel them against yours because of your damn curse.

When you were but a child, a witch had casted a curse on you; anything you touched would die. So you had been banished to this mansion, far from your family, with only your butler as company. It had been hard at first, to be away from your younger brother and sister but soon Yunho was the only family you needed. He eased the ache in your soul. 

“Your Grace, should I prepare the afternoon tea?” Yunho wonders. “Surely you should start utilizing the new chef we hired.”

You perk up at the mention of the new cook but wilt upon realizing you couldn't even thank him properly for the meals he prepared. “No, Yunho, I’ll have my sucker for now.”

“As you will, Your Grace.” Yunho bent at the waist to bow and went to fetch the sweet concoction that would do nothing for your hunger pains.

Wooyoung, unbeknownst to you, is waiting outside the doors in anticipation. When Yunho leaves the sun room and closes the door softly, he shakes his head and Wooyoung’s shoulders fall. All they want is to serve you and you continue to keep them at arm's length--physically as well as emotionally. 

Still, you cannot deny that Yunho has your heart utterly in his grasp. Whether he’s aiding you in moving the plants around to capture the sun best, or he’s tucking a blanket around you when you fall asleep in front of the fireplace, too stubborn to move to your bedroom, he’s your constant. He never leaves your side and you have come to prefer it this way. But it is still torture to know that you will never be able to touch, to kiss, to hug the one you love the most. 

Then one day, a small reprieve is given to you. You had been walking the halls of your mansion, specifically making your way to the wing that held the wonderful pieces of art your family had accumulated over the centuries. They didn’t hold any value or interest to you per say, but it gave you a purpose on this day. 

You scrunch your nose in confusion, tilting your head to follow the complex lines of one particular painting. Your confusion only increases as Yunho pushes into your personal space. In fear, you back up against the wall, palms pressed to the wall. Yunho slams a hand on the wall beside your head and his lip twists into a smirk. 

“If I had known you wished to gaze at something beautiful, I would have volunteered myself, Your Grace.” Yunho speaks in a lilting, low voice and you feel as if you’re being hypnotized by your butler. 

“Yunho!” You squeak, eyes avoiding his own.

Yunho takes the moment to eye you from bottom to top. If you had bothered to meet his gaze, you would have seen the hunger emanating from them. “What I would give to be able to pleasure you with my own hands…Your Grace.” The formality seemed to be added only because of habit. 

You bit down on your lip, the feeling mutual. You breathed quickly, inhaling his dark scent that belonged only to Yunho. “Me too,” you whispered as if you couldn't bear to say it louder. 

You hear pitter-pattering of feet, the screech of the sole of shoes along marble, and finally Wooyoung turns the corner. He braces himself against his thighs as he catches his breath. “....you bastard… Jeong Yunho…starting…without me!”

This causes you to meet Yunho’s eyes finally. His eyes mirror your own, wide and worried. “What is the meaning of this?” You demand.

Yunho backs off, but only slightly. “We should retire to your bed chambers first, Your Grace.” He uses his hand to point the way, bowing to a small degree and waiting for your feet to move. 

You sent a look to Wooyoung, attempting to read his face, but it’s cheerfully blank now. He sends you a winning smile, however, but it only causes you to grumble. The only way you’re finding out what’s going on is by following Yunho’s lead. You’ve been down this road before.

Once in your room, Wooyoung bounced on the balls of his feet while Yunho stood still. “Your Grace, we have figured out a work-around to you not being able to touch me.”

Your eyes flew open in excitement. “You figured out how to break the curse!”

Yunho winces. “Not exactly, Your Grace.”

Wooyoung whistles, seemingly innocent. “We figured out the next best thing!”

“Oh?” You raise an eyebrow at Yunho. 

Wooyoung caught his tongue between his teeth naughtily. “You tell me what to do to Yunho. I’ll be like an extension of your hands.”

Your jaw drops. “What?”

Yunho moves into your bubble, practically cutting off your view of Wooyoung. “I can tell you what I’d want to do to you. You would move your hands to my command. If you willed it, Your Grace.”

“Yunho…"

“Please please please!” Wooyoung begs, poking his head around Yunho’s broad body.

You take a step back and wring your hands through your gloves. “I don’t know…”

Yunho places a hand on Wooyoung’s shoulder to halt his movements. “It’s fine Wooyoung. I told you she wouldn’t want to see me in a debauched state with your hands on me.”

Your face flames up and you slap your hands to it. The pure and unadulterated image of Wooyoung grasping Yunho’s cock in his hand and Yunho’s head cast backwards in ecstasy cannot be erased from your mind’s eye. 

“Wait…”

“Your Grace?” Yunho cocks his head, always waiting for your command. 

“You should show me. A demonstration is in order,” You order.

Wooyoung gleefully giggles and then he’s zooming to your bed. Yunho sends you one more unreadable look and then he is moving towards your bed as well. He sits against the headrest like he belongs there. Wooyoung raises his eyebrows. “Well?”

Oh, right, you had to instruct Wooyoung. “Ummm… unbutton Yunho’s shirt first.”

Wooyoung clucks his tongue at you. “Tell us how you’d do it, Your Grace.”

“I…I would lean in to take in Yunho’s smell and then unbutton his shirt. Slowly.” How were you going to do this and not end up a puddle on the floor?!

“Ooooh!” Wooyoung leans towards Yunho’s neck and takes a deep breath. “He does smell good.” Wooyoung’s deft fingers pluck at Yunho’s vest and shirt until it’s gaping open for your viewing pleasure. “What next, what next?” Wooyoung looks at you eagerly.

You find yourself climbing onto your bed, legs splaying under your body at the foot of it. Wooyoung unbuttons Yunho’s trousers next and pulls him out. Yunho is already hard and impressively long. 

“I’d torture him. I’d run my hand up and down his shaft for hours, to hear his pretty moans just for me,” You whisper and then you clamp your hands over your mouth.

Wooyoung’s smile couldn't have been more full of teasing. “Your Grace knows exactly what she wants.” Wooyoung wraps his hand around Yunho and strokes him slowly, achingly slow.

Yunho swallows loudly and lets out a devastating moan. It’s exactly like you imagined in your bed, late at night, when you would touch yourself after a hard day of teasing from Yunho. It was exactly what you wanted to hear. 

“Your…Grace…” Yunho attempts to pull himself out of the lust he’s feeling from Wooyoung’s hand. “Please imagine my hands skimming up your legs and playing with your most intimate parts. I want to see my fingers pushing in and out of your sweet hole.”

You press your lips together in nervousness. Could you really touch yourself in front of both Wooyoung and Yunho? Wooyoung jerks his chin, as if to say “get on with it!” and you scowl at him, sticking your tongue childishly at him. Still, you remove your gloves, a wary eye on how far the two men are from you.

You pull your petticoats up, spreading your legs, and let your fingers play along your thighs. They skim and tempt and then finally you reach your mound. You move your hands to your hips to pull down your undergarments but Yunho’s grunt stops you.

“Don’t,” he says hoarsely. “Keep them on.”

You push them to the side instead, wetting your finger along your folds, before pushing one into you. “Wha-what next?”

Wooyoung is biting his lip, tempted by both the pleasure he’s giving Yunho and the picture you’re giving him, fingers inside of yourself. Yunho’s chest is moving up and down quickly, like he can’t catch his breath. “I would bring you to as many orgasms as I could give you,” He growls.

Wooyoung tsks at Yunho this time. “She needs direction, Yunho, not a prediction of your sex life.”

Yunho spares Wooyoung a harsh glare before focusing on you. His eyes follow your fingers and you swear he gains some energy and confidence from it. “I would make you feel every inch of my fingers inside of you.”

It’s your turn to gulp. “Fingers?” You squeak.

Wooyoung grins. “You heard the butler. Better put another finger inside of yourself, Your Grace.”

You groan as you stretch yourself with two fingers. It feels good to do as Yunho says and you get a little excited, pumping your fingers inside of you faster. “So good.”

“Your Grace,” Yunho moans, “Please, can you play with my head?”

“Oh Yunho,” You gasp.

Wooyoung, after a quick nod from you, rolls his palm along the head of Yunho’s cock, causing Yunho to jolt. His hands fist your expensive Italian silk sheets in response. “Your Grace, your hands feel lovely on me. I’m sure they’re soft and small but so good to me.”

“Yun-Yunnie,” You mewl in response. “Need you. Need you so badly.”

“Co-come with me, Your Grace. Let us climax together!” Yunho cries out.

You focus purely on coming from your butler. You thrust your fingers in and out of your sopping hole. You aggressively rub your clit as well, chasing that high that’s just out of the reach. Wooyoung’s fist quickly makes good work of Yunho and soon the two of you are coming together. Yunho’s gravelly groan makes your cunt clench around your fingers and you come with a long, drawn out whine. 

All three of you are panting in need but you are well aware that there is no step after this; this is as far as you can go. Until you break the curse, until you can touch Yunho without killing him, this is the most you can manage.

“We’re doing this again,” Wooyoung, of all people, declares. “I’m going to make us food. You two talk.” And with all the energy of a whirlwind, Wooyoung is gone with the quiet hush of a closed door.

You push your skirts down and Yunho tucks himself back into his pants. “Your Grace? Was that enjoyable for you? Please tell me it pleased you.”

You smiled through unshed tears. “It was wonderful, Yunho.”

“Your Grace.” Yunho’s voice is hoarse. He reaches out but lets his hand fall before he can touch you. “We will break this curse. I will marry you and we will be together in every way we’ve always dreamed.”

“I hope so Yunho, I truly do,” You sob.

The two of you sit there, embracing each other with your eyes only, for that’s all you can do. Until Yunho suggests that he touch himself again to get you to stop crying. That is when you choke out a laugh and throw a pillow at him. And all is well in the household of the duchess of death and her butler. 

[jaeyunverse]

the 24-hour dating challenge (teaser)

PAIRING(S) | park sunghoon x fem!reader

GENRE(S) | fluff, crack, mutual pining, best friends to lovers, influencer au (?)

EST. WORD COUNT | around 5k

WARNING(S) | profanity, hoon is a loser and down bad, mc is painfully dense + all warnings to be added in the full fic!

SUMMARY | being a famous youtuber isn’t easy, especially when you have to constantly come up with new ideas to keep your audience entertained. and this time, your viewers want you to date park sunghoon, your best friend of nearly a decade, for the entirety of 24 hours.

TAGLIST | @blank-velvet @soobisms @justalildumpling @xharisrealm @skzenhalove @alicesolengg @yenqa @geombyu @tika-writes-lol @jlheon @haknom @useraerin @hooniessslvrss @flwrshee @rikisly @tobiosbbyghorl @wonkivrse @heeflrs @bambithia @iea-tsand @chaechae-23 @en-dazed @jayfrvr @h-hazwie @moonlighthoon @justanotherkpopstanlol @sseastar-main @seongclb @shoyotime @gerianne @iadorethemskz @sieuneo @hoon0logy @luvistqrzzz @sucrosxi @lzux1 @t4kalcvr @nes-caf @odxrilove @trippy-dejun @arizejkt19 @xuimhao @vizstars @enhacatalog send an ask/comment if u wish!

AUTHOR’S NOTE | I AM COMING BACK!!!!!! (kinda. maybe. idk i get ahead of myself a lot LOL) finals are finallyyyy over and i have some time to write this week so i’ve started this old wip of mine! it’s going to be pretty short and sweet so i’ll hopefully be able to follow through on this teaser but no promises haha :)) i hope u look forward to this fic! inspired by h.j evelyn (♡)

click here for the full fic!

“Your followers want me to do what?” 

Sunghoon was positive he’d misheard you. However, part of him hoped you’d confirm the life-altering information you’d casually uttered without even bothering to look away from the TV screen. 

“Hoon!” you exclaimed, your fingers aggressively moving about the gaming console. “Oh, my God, they’re coming after me! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK—” you screeched— “Nonononono I can’t take them by myself! You testicle-guzzling cocksucker, why did you die when I needed you the most?!” 

Sunghoon watched you struggle warily. Your leg was bouncing with anxiety and your eyes bulging out of their sockets. He wasn’t entirely sure you were breathing. Beads of sweat were clinging to your forehead and your face was scrunched up in a weird, constipated expression. 

There was a good chance you’d utter fouler insults if he disturbed you while playing, but he couldn’t stop himself from broaching the subject. “Are we just going to pretend you didn’t say the thing you just said?” 

“The thing about you being a testicle-guzzling cocksucker?” you gritted. “No.”

Sunghoon rolled his eyes. “The thing about your followers wanting us to date for a video.” 

For a few moments, you didn’t deign to acknowledge him. Then, as if a switch inside you had flipped, you pulled the TV’s plug and turned to face him. “Would it be weird?” 

Wow. Okay, Sunghoon mused. I think it would be a fantastic idea and a dream come true, but I don’t trust myself around you. Even as a mere friend.  

However, instead of voicing his thoughts, the boy simply shrugged. “I don’t know. We’ve been friends for several years now. I’m a regular on your YouTube channel and I think your fans are aware of the dynamics of our relationship. What do they mean when they say they want us to date? Physical intimacy aside, we already do everything couples do.” 

“I think they want us to be romantic,” you admitted. “Go on a date, hold hands, cross some lines.”

“Cross some lines?” Sunghoon raised an eyebrow, the corner of his lip curling in a smirk. “Is this you speaking or your subscribers?”

Groaning in exasperation, you shoved his shoulder. He fell back on the couch, laughing. “Shut up, dickface! You know I’ve been swamped this semester. My influencer gig has been seriously lacking. I need to step up—do what they want me to do. Besides, we only have to be girlfriend and boyfriend for 24 hours. It’s really not that big a deal. Are you in or not?”

Sunghoon took a few seconds to mull over your words. Sure, he would love to be your boyfriend for 24 hours. As long as his fantasies were brought to reality, he didn’t care if the whole relationship was fake and short-lived. 

For far too long, he’d pined after you. He thought he was doing an excellent job at hiding his feelings, but then you decided to make vlogs for fun. That’s when shit truly went downhill. 

Within a few years, you’d amassed a following of over 5 million on YouTube and 3 million on Instagram. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say you’d become somewhat of a local celebrity.  

Being one of your closest friends, Sunghoon was often featured in your videos. Initially, he’d baulked at the idea of being filmed, but you’d worked your magic on him. The boy soon found himself being comfortable around cameras. 

Even though Sunghoon never started his own YouTube channel, his popularity grew along with yours. His Instagram had garnered over two million followers, and courtesy of his good looks and attractive physique, he’d been offered a bunch of brand deals too.

You’d scowled at how far Sunghoon’s pretty privilege had gotten him. While you busted your ass coming up with unique ideas and editing your videos to perfection, all he needed to do was show up. 

What you didn’t know, though, was that part of the reason he’d become a heartthrob among the youth was you. 

You might have been dumb and blind, but your followers certainly were not. They’d realised how Sunghoon looked at you—his eyes always twinkled and a fond smile automatically adorned his lips whenever he caught sight of you. 

To add to that, your fans had pointed out habits he didn’t even know he possessed. For example: idly braiding your strands; bringing you snacks whenever he swung by your apartment; saying hey, sunshine and giving you a side hug by way of greeting; disguising his compliments as insults. 

The list was very long.

They’d noticed the elastic he kept around his wrist at all times too—it was one of the two you’d used to tie his hair into little ponytails because you were convinced you could transform him into Boo from Monsters, Inc.   

Sunghoon himself had forgotten the reason he wore the elastic around his wrist. All he knew was that it was yours and it felt right. But when he read the comments obsessing about it, he rushed to watch the video your fans were referring to. 

And damn, they were right. 

Sunghoon didn’t know if you’d seen the comments your fans regularly left on your various social media pages. You’d never mentioned anything about the community calling you “couple goals,” and he was too much of a coward to inquire if you were aware. 

It was infuriating to know how transparent he was. Sunghoon wished he’d never gotten used to the camera and let slip his true self. 

Perhaps this was the cost of gaining the boyfriend material label—his unrequited feelings exposed for the entire world to see. 

Sunghoon would never admit it, but he’d spent the better part of a day reporting everyone who’d shipped him with you. The entire incident had truly made him go off the rails. 

However, today’s revelation was unexpected. It was an opportunity. A chance to experience something he’d desired for many years. Suddenly, he found himself thanking those busybodies online instead of cussing them out for being ridiculously invested in his love life.

Sunghoon knew saying yes to your proposition would bite him in the ass later on. He knew he’d crave more of you once he got a taste of being your boyfriend, and giving this fake relationship a shot would definitely make it harder for him to get over you in the future. He knew he was a massive idiot for willingly indulging in impending heartbreak, but he could always cross that bridge when he came to it.  

“Okay,” he said, meeting your gaze. “I’m in.”  

[fivewholeminutes]

so. wembley.

Once I have finally gathered my wits the words did not want to stop coming. This rambling is long; apologies for that. And for the messed up tenses I hate tenses we only have one past tense why is English like this

No photos/videos yet, they are still not properly checked/deleted/edited by me.

It was. Unsurprisingly. One of the best days of my life. But also, I don't remember much from my life, so don't trust me on this one. (Kidding, it totally WAS one of the best days of my life). And uhh... I have a problem with processing events and emotions, so it still feels like I have seen it on a TV screen instead of, you know, actually, physically having been there? Idk how to explain that, I still have to convince my brain that I've been there. I feel detached from it completely. But!! I!! Have!! Been!! There!!

I woke up so early that foxes were still roaming the streets. Didn't talk much with people around me in the queue (hello anxiety), but they were lovely! I signed the blue flag for iii from me & Lia, got the sticker for Projekt Atlantic, received some bracelets, exchanged some bracelets, put some sea creatures tattoos on people (LIA I FORGOT TO GIVE YOU THE WHALE!!!), slept on a pavement, bought merch for myself and others (I've never had anyone to buy concert merch for before, it's such a nice feeling 🥺).

And queueing for so long was so fucking worth it! Third row, baby!! For the first time in the middle!! (Which was my downfall later, but the pre-show me was not aware of that just yet). I couldn't actually hear HEALTH that well, but I really liked their drummer, he was enjoying himself and his joy was contagious. (I've checked them later though and. Last album, my beloved.) During the break, well, you all know what was happening, I have been liveblogging everything (sorry about that <3). The moment someone in the crowd literally screeched when they saw the new masks on instagram was a blessing, I wouldn't have survived seeing them in new masks without a warning. Also, my blind ass would probably realise 3 songs in that they have different masks, I shit you not. Besides, it was super fun having a mental breakdown here on tumblr with y'all <3

When Espera entered the stage, everything else stopped being of any importance to me. I remember my first thought was "oh yeah, sure, the ladies are dressed up and moving like this and you expect me to focus on anything else that is happening on this stage?". And of course, my second thought was "I GOTTA TAKE PICTURES FOR DARYA". Naturally, I was trying to keep up with everything else anyway. I haven't seen ii all too well though and it makes me sad :( Alas. I've had a good vantage point for the ladies. Yeah. Brain went brrrrr every time I was looking at them. Where was I again-

I was still coughing at that time. I got a terrible coughing fit after literally 3 short screams during HEALTH and my idiot ass has left all the lozenges except one in the hotel room an hour before the door opening. I thought I would have to spend the rest of the night not singing along nor screaming and felt utterly heartbroken for a few minutes, but after my Holy Grail Lozenge (and a LOT of water from the venue's crew) my cough has abandoned me for the duration of the whole ritual (thank you, Sleep). Even though, when Sam told us that we have to sing, my only thought was "I CAN'T FUCKING SING EITHER, MATE". But I did. Oh, I so fucking did. I sung my lungs out and did not cough even ONCE.

But you know. I was exhausted, anxious, surrounded by strangers and had more sugar in my veins than red cells at that point, so I wasn't my best self. I really thought the karaoke was for shits and giggles at first. "Oh yeah, it's The Most Popular Song, let's see how it sounds when 10k people sing it without the singer's help!", you know. Thought it was for the recording the announcements warned us about. But then we sung Granite. Ohhhkay. And then The Love You Want - certainly not a song they would leave for an impropmtu singalong. It was then that I (belatedly) realised that yeah, something really was wrong and so my heart broke again. So many preparations! Their biggest gig so far! Even iii managed to be there! And something had to happen!! Specifically!! To Vessel!! Of all people!! That was just not fair. He totally didn't deserve this. But it's just life and its endless fucking bad surprises for everyone, huh.

I didn't have enough time to collect all the broken pieces of my heart from the sticky floor and mend them after this realisation, because after Vessel joined the singing for the last few lines of TLYW, he dropped to his knees in front of us crying and thanking everyone. That sight is now carved into my brain. This is when I realised the 3rd row was a mistake. The psychic damage it gave me is irrevocable. Do you have those moments that you will never forget? A few seconds of an (usually traumatic) experience that will haunt you forever, replaying in your mind like a broken record? It was a bit like this for me. It wasn't traumatic, mind you, but it was definitely something that made a permanent dent in my heart and a home in my brain. And I wouldn't change it anyway.

Another thing that made me think that I will just fall down and never get up was iii & iv's hug. It was. So full of love and reassurence. Idk, you could just feel that emitting from them, okay? I was standing there thinking "yeah sure, just fucking murder me tonight instead, okay. Should've kept staring at Espera only-". Ah yes. The ladies. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Where was I again-

The goosebumps when the whole venue yelled "they won't be missing you" during Nazareth, oh my fucking god. On my previous rituals, in way smaller venues, there's always been a handful of people screaming it. And everyone doing it? Unparalleled feeling. Bordering on the shrimp emotions scale.

The lights were spectacular. I cannot describe how amazing the light show was. I am sending a kiss to each and every light crew member.

Also, Vessel being more emotional during the ritual as a whole. The TLYW moment was the worst for me, but there were many others. (Ascensionism and Bloodsport stabbing me with a rusty knife the most.) I mean, who could've blamed him for the emotions, he would probably be very emotional even without the voice issues. Who wouldn't be!! It was a big night, after all. God, it must have been so difficult for him, I really, really fucking hope the love coming from his bandmates, crew and the crowd was enough to help him focus on the good parts of the evening only. And!! It wasn't even that bad!!! Sure, he lost his voice for a while, but once it was back you could!! Barely!! Hear!! The difference!! I have a whole new level of respect for Vessel because of that. And for staying onstage with us for the songs he couldn't sing. Didn't know I could respect him even more than I already did, but hey. Love being surprised like that. I have seen concerts where the singers were singing way worse live while being completely healthy. Like sure, you could notice he's not using so many uhh, how do you call this in English, vocal ornamentations??? and that his voice is strained, but it was still beautiful. Take care of your voice now though, dude, jfc. Thanks for the sacrifice, much appreciated, but TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL FUCKING FIND YOU- (kidding, kidding. or am i.) I also liked that he was leaving the more screamy moments in songs for us. Aiming the microphone at us, positive we'll have his back. Like yeah, yeah, other bands do that relatively often, but it's not something they usually do, you know.

I can't vouch for everyone in the crowd, but I sure as fuck did not have a SINGLE thought that the show sucks because of his voice issues. Like it didn't even occur to me. Honest to god. I was shocked when I saw on tumblr that people were leaving? Asking for a refund????????????? I was having the time of my life singing those songs. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, probably!! Who can say they karaoked whole 3 songs with the band playing for them live?? Your local karaoke bar could never. (Bonus points, you could hear Espera better bc of that! Yes, I know, you are not supposed to hear backing vocals too loud in general, I'm just saying it was nice hearing them, bc usually I hear them on recordings only.)

Yeah, sure I was disappointed after the show that there was no Euclid, but that's just me, a total whore for Euclid. It's a completely different thing than being a bitch who leaves halfway, because something out of the ordinary has been happening.

Anyways. I would like to wish all the crowdsurfers a very fuck you. Hope you will all step on a lego every day for the rest of your lives <3

Crowdsurfers and constant giving away of water (which I understand, it was terribly hot there and it was needed) were a bit distracting, I missed some things because of the commotion, the drum solo has been disrupted by me getting a (fortunately very light) kick in the mouth and DRUM SOLO IS SACRED. I HOPE THE CROWDSURFER WHO DECIDED TO GO UP IN THAT MOMENT WILL STEP ON 3 LEGOS DAILY. IT'S LITERALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE RITUAL FOR ME AND THEY HAVE RUINED IT. Thanks to another crowdsurfer, I missed the moment the band was throwing stuff into the crowd and I promised Lia I will catch a pick/drumstick for them!!!!!!! I've had a banner for this occassion and all!!!!! And!!!!! For the whole time things were flying from the scene!!!! I have been under someone's legs and ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Side note: Vessel was throwing away his rings. That's so fucking cool, ahh.

All in all, half of the things that happened there, I've learned from tumblr. The announcements about the recording, people leaving, Vessel being covered in runes (I WAS STANDING RIGHT BEFORE HIM AND DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING. A N Y T H I N G. I HATE BEING A BLIND IDIOT), the Espera ladies laughing at iii for not coming to the photo, hell, even Vessel trying to get his attention. I have NO idea what I've been doing back then, it's a blur again lmao. And. The most important thing: Vessel's "thank you". I didn't catch it back then. I don't hear it on my recording. Tbh I couldn't believe y'all for a long while that it really happened (I'm sorry). But it did and you know what? I'm glad the broken pieces of my heart were left on the arena's floor earlier during the show. I don't want them anymore.

I would also like to thank that one security guy in huge headphones who was our warning that another fucking crowdsurfer was coming our way. I hope the headphones guy's pillow is always cold on both sides, his skin clear, his crops- and so on. Our hero <3

There was also a moment during Atlantic (another important moment disrupted. Smh) where 2 security persons dived into the crowd?? I still have no idea what was happening, bc if someone faints for example, they are always brught to the barricade by the crowd and security picks them up, I've never seen security getting into the crowd before. And because of that, people around me were talking loudly during Atlantic. Kill kill murder kill

Still, Projekt Atlantic was a huge success and I am so proud of the organisers!! They're in the same category of lovely people as the big headphones security guy

Sending a kiss to @murderofcrow for this gif 🖤

To sum up. I will forever be grateful for this band. This music has activated the dormant parts of my mind. I am making art again. I am meeting cool people because of them. I have people to talk about it with who are as excited about it as I am. For the first time in ages I really feel alive again. And life is not good, far from it, to be completely honest with you, they haven't magically fixed all my problems, but I do have something that actually fucking works on me. I know Vessel wouldn't agree, but they are saving people. And you all, lovely ST pocket of tumblr motherfuckers who are reading this, you are saving people too.

And, last but not least!! In hot pink, because I can! Thanks to this ritual I could finally meet @vesselsscarlet and @thevenomousseprent in person!!!!!!!!! I love you guys, you are amazing and I can't wait to see you again 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 You've made me feel so loved that weekend and it's something I haven't felt in a while!!

[inosukenumberonefan]

Pairing: Shigaraki x femreader

Genre:Reverse comfort

You awkwardly looked around in the bar. Everyone was being to loud it wasn’t often that the whole league was out of their rooms and hanging out in the bar but it wasn’t enjoyable especially if you didn’t like to much noise or people annoying you so it wasn’t a surprise Shigaraki got up abruptly in the middle of a conversation with Toga and stormed outside which was a bit odd usually he went to his room. Toga didn’t seem to notice how irritated he was because she called after him.

“Rude! Do you have any manners?” You jumped from your stool and gently opened the door and peeped your head out. Shigaraki was angrily stomping away while scratching his skin. You stepped out and carefully shut the door behind you. For about 1p seconds you followed him walking up the alleyway., you thought you were doing a decent job at until he sighed (loudly) turned around and angrily asked.

“Why are you following me!?” You awkwardly stepped out the shadows but before you could get a word out he spoke. “No don’t bother answering that. Just go back and leave me alone!”

“Why?”

“Because I want to be alone! Why else would I have left!” You shrugged; you didn’t have to say anything else for him to start ranting.

“I’m tied of hearing Toga's voice besides if I have to watch compress preform one more stupid ‘magic trick’ I might just delete this entire league and start over from scratch!” He yelled at you and scratched his neck frantically. Your frown deepened you felt bad for him and your motherly instincts kicked in and you took a step forward then another one and another until you were in decent distance of him and again he started shouting.

“What are you doing?! Stay back! This is exactly why I left in the first place!” When you didn’t stop he scoffed and scratched once again then let out a mutter. “You people drive me crazy! I can’t get 5 minutes to myself without hearing one of you whine or screech or monologue about something no one cares about! As if a little silence from time to time would kill us all!” Once he stopped for a couple seconds you declared it safe to proceed.

“Is there any ointment for it?” You asked gently pointing at the raw skin on his neck.

“What?!” He looker at you with the most annoyed expression you had ever seen. “No! Are you stupid?!” You opened your mouth to speak but he cut you off. “Wait don’t answer that either you’ll just prove my point and I’m already pissed off.” He looked back at you, you were so clearly eyeing the skin.

“Well I-" Just as you were going to offer him some he interrupted again.

“Just because it manifests physically doesn’t mean it’s a physical condition.” He looked back at you. “In fact I’m certain it’s not. And if you’d think about all the times you’ve seen me scratch you’d be certain to.”

“Mhm?” You hummed as if telling him to go on and he did, although it was just to ramble about how annoying you are.

“I only itch when I want to destroy something.” He narrowed his eyes. “And what do you know?” He said in a fake euthanasic voice. “As soon as you stepped into this alley with me.” He paused and scratched for dramatic effect “The itching flared up again. So do me a favor and go home.” Odd choice of words since you lived at the league of villains hideout. He waited for you to go but you didn’t budge still awkwardly standing in the alley way.

“Well?! Why are you just standing?!” You decided to ignore the fear and started walking towards him, not to your surprise he objected. “What are you doing?! The hell? No! No! Stop it.” When he saw you weren’t going to stop he reverted to insulting you. “Of all those idiots you might be the most irritating of them all!” When you were about a meter away he continued. “Do you not know what personal space is?!” You shrugged.

“Where do you get all this audacity do you not realize I could reach out and disintegrate you on a whim?!” You did but against every instinct in your body you didn’t leave.

“You’ve been itchy all day.” You commented. “How about you tell me more about it?” You asked in a gentle voice.

“No! I don’t want to ‘tell you out more about it.!’” He mocked.

“Are you-"

“Fuck off!” You stood there silent as you watched him attentively with caring and sympathetic eyes. He sighed exasperated and dramatically.

“Fine! I’ll talk about it if you stop looking at me like that!” He caved. “Are you happy.” You nodded and smiled it was not returned. “But after you have to fine someone else to bother and leave me alone!”

“Deal.” He took a deep breath and leaned against the wall and you copied before starting.

“I pretty much always itch because there’s pretty much always something or someone I want to destroy nearby. Its that simple.” He sighed again before continuing. “But I can’t go around withering everything away on impulse at least not yet…” He mumbled the last part to himself.

“Yea?”

“I can’t afford to keep replacing items or people that may be useful, so I hold it inside, I do nothing even though all I want is to press the tips of my fingers firmly against everything I hate and feel the tension go away as it breaks apart.” He chuckled at the thought looking up to the sky, he had kind of a grin on his face.

“Well you’re not itching right now.” You observed and he snapped out of what seemed to be a moment of peace.

“Stop trying to psychoanalyze me! What does it matter?!”

“Might mean-"

“I’m tempted to cover my mouth with your hands until- until-.” He looked back at you and groaned in annoyance. He made a sound that sounded like growling and he sighed.

“No that’s not exactly true. I’m not itching right now. I-” he took a long pause. “Don’t want to destroy you.” You didn’t know what you were expecting but it wasn’t that. “I don’t know why! You won’t running your mouth just like the others! The whole reason why I left was to get some peace and quiet before everyone ended up in a dust bin.” He looked back at you. “Yet here you are interrupting my single player time, getting way too close to me and asking all these stupid questions!” He took a breather and calmed his voice. “And somehow I don’t hate you for it. I… don’t wanna use my quirk.” He exclaimed as if he was surprised in himself. “What is wrong with me.” He mumbled to himself.

“Nothings wrong with you-"

“I was ready to end them all I had to get away because I would’ve done it. The itching was so intense I couldn’t take it anymore! They just wouldn’t stop! The talking, the noise it didn’t matter how many times I told them to knock it off, it didn’t matter how long I sat there more and more irritated by their idiotic behavior, clawing at myself my skin crawling with disgust!” His voice only got more and more mad and intense each word. “I wanted to annihilate everyone of them right then and there and they didn’t even have the decency to notice! They just kept acting… normal.” He chuckled to himself. “So I went for a walk to get away from their obliviousness and here you are.” He summarized.

“You followed me because you did notice, didn’t you?” You gave him a small smile and nodded.

“Yea.” He laughed and it sounded genuine.

“I suppose that explains why I don’t want to kill you.” You grinned you didn’t think he noticed but he did. “But don’t get cocky. It isn’t usually wise to pursue a man who wants to be left alone especially if he can get alone with a single touch.” You raised an eyebrow and snorted. “Still as much as I don’t want to swell your head about it. I’ll admit its nice to talk to someone who actually want to know how I feel. Its nice not to itch again, my skin almost never feels this… calm.” He sighed but in a good way.

“Does it still hurt?” He snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Well yea it hurts. I mean look at it its shredded raw.”

“But it doesn’t itch?” You asked gently and he shook his head and you gave him a small smile. “Well that’s better then how it normally feels. Sit with me.”

“What? Here?” He sounded appalled “And why would we do that?”

“You wanna go back?”

“Of course not.” You raised your eyebrows and shot him a look that meant where else are you gonna go he must have got it because he then admitted you had a point. “Fine.” He muttered and plopped down onto the cold cement and you quickly followed.

“So now what?” He gave you an annoyed look. “You gonna play therapist some more or?” You didn’t answer as your eyes were drawn to his long baby blue hair again you ignored the fear and went for it. You twirled his hair in your fingers and traced your fingers through his scalp.

“What are you doing?!” He asked as you moved into a kneeling position.

“I’m playing with your hair.” You calmly stated and continued.

“Well I know that but why?!” You shrugged but answered.

“Because there’s no other place I could touch you right now that wouldn’t hurt.” You looked at him. “And it feels nice doesn’t it?”

“Well it…” He went silent and you stopped worried that maybe you were being to rough. “No, don’t stop its whatever just do what you want.” He mumbled and you perked up. “Its not like were going anywhere any time soon.”

“Does it hurt?” You asked after about a minute.

“No its- its pleasant. You were right about the not being able to touch me anywhere else that wouldn’t be painful. That is if you’re determined to touch me at all.”

“Well you know me.”

“You really are impossible you know that, I see exactly why you would’ve never made it as a hero.” You narrowed your eyes and gently tugged on his hair and he involuntary let out a chuckle. “Boundaries aren’t really your thing are they?”

“You know me so well.” You teased and continued running your fingers through his hair and gently humming.

“At least your good at it.” You chuckled surprised that he actually complimented you well sort of.

“Well thank you for the compliment.” He was going to object and say it wasn’t but he yawned instead.

“If I’m not careful you’ll put me to sleep.” He softly chuckled and closed his eyes before shooting right up and turning to you. “This isn’t part of some grand Master plan to take out the party leader is it?!” You snorted at the ridiculousness. “If it is remember I inflict a permanent debuff on contact.”

“Oh no you figured my master plan!” You sarcastically said and rolled your eyes. “How ever did you figure it out?”

“You don’t have to be a dick.” He mumbled and took a deep breath relaxing and closed his closed his eyes. “Do that other thing?”

“Hmm?”

“The one where you run your fingers through my hair.” You did as told and you could see the tension flow away as his shoulders relaxed.

“That’s better I like that.” It seemed he was to relaxed to save face. He slouched and took a deep breath he was right you were putting him to sleep. “You know maybe I should get some ointment.” You smirked because he had almost admitted you were right. “Not that it would matter most of the time. My skin just stays broken and itchy when I’m around the others anyway but it wouldn’t be so bad to have for times like this to take the sting away when it doesn’t itch. Maybe I could start taking walks like this regularly.”

“Id think that would help you.”

“And since you apparently have no instinct for self preservation and want to follow me-" he cut himself off with a yawn. “Maybe you could help me out a little.”

“Id like that.” At this point he was just talking to himself but you still felt the need to weigh in.

“Id have to take care of my hands of course but my arms would be okay to touch and my neck you could hover up some ointment there since you’re so hansey.” He was trailing off.

“My face that’s where it hurts the most of all… I can’t remember the last time anyone living has ever touched my face…” His voice was soft and sleepy. “Thank you I needed this.” He said before falling asleep his head softly hitting your shoulder.

Hes so fine 😽😻

[thelampisaflashlight]

Occasionally, I, like, "forget" I'm mentally ill.

I'll have days where I'm anxious/generally just not doing well in the ol' brain box, and won't be able to place why, and then I remember, "Dude, your brain chemicals are fucky. Take a moment and reassess."

And while having an awareness of the fact that I have a bad brain doesn't stop the physical symptoms of it (you have to kinda gear down from that, ya know, doesn't just go away like magic) it does give me more clarity.

So sometimes I'm just sitting there, trying to do basic shit and shaking.

Like, I will be trembling and struggling to use my phone, because my fingers won't cooperate, and I will be fully aware of the fact that it's because I'm having an anxiety attack, but can't do a damn thing about it, so I'm just there, frustrated at myself.

But also, because I do CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), it's me going, "I know why I'm upset, however, I cannot control this reaction beyond what I'm already doing." and that makes the part of my brain that doesn't like not having control screech.

I go for long periods of time where my stress/anxiety levels are at, like, a 7/10 from the point I wake up until I go to bed at night.

My head's so screwy sometimes that things that are arguably/actually good happening fucks me up.

Part of it is down to genetics/being born this way, and the rest stems from trauma and the side effects of going through a majority of my life without being dinged as anything other than a functional human being.

Did I have my intelligence questioned a lot because my anxious mind needs to ask for clarity/clear instructions on things other people think are obvious?

Yes.

Did not having the resources set forth to help me learn how to deal with this/having people see me as "normal" but stupid make me want to stop asking questions and just beat me down into a person who just went along with whatever or just do nothing at all?

Also yes.

Sometimes, I wish I had had more help growing up, but I also look at the help I did receive and go, "This wasn't helpful or what I needed." or "Why did they let this person be in charge of x or y when they clearly hated it?"

Stuff like that, ya know.

Mostly, I just think if I had known as a kid what was going on inside of my head/had more words to describe how I felt I might have been better set up to tackle the world around me.

But, then again, I could have also wound up exactly where I am now, and I have to wonder if I'd see that as a grander, much more painful fall than the one I took entering into society.

[ventique18]

Our Dirty Little Secret (1)

The first part of a MalleYuu smutfic.

General warnings: Malleus x Freeform Reader♀️, story told in his POV. Part of a smut series, so minors do not read this fic.

Chapter warnings: bathroom voyeurism

Content under the cut

Pshhhhh

They say the shower is the place where ones' thoughts tend to be sober. The pattering of water against the skin lends to a calming effect that encourages mindful relaxation. The non-existence of urgency helps foster deep thinking of topics close to one's heart, which most of the time entails reflection of the life one currently leads. Perhaps a current dilemma. Perhaps a path one is looking forward to take. Perhaps past regrets begging to be righted.

Pshhhhhh

Yet curiously, my shower thoughts happen to be you.

Squeak squeak, the shower knob screeches as I twist it off.

I suppose the topics I have cited still apply in this case; the subject just happens to be you. One, you were my past regret-- not you, but the way it took me so long to notice my romantic feelings for you. And then your feelings for me, in consequence. Two, you were, and still are, the path I am always eager to take. I would be lying if I said I did not believe I would naturally find the love of my life over the course of my long life, but the way you came at me like a burglar... The way you barged in as if you owned my space, the way you made yourself home and even prepared tea in my metaphorical kitchen, the way you grabbed my hand and fearlessly stayed the night on my bed. The last one was quite literal.

Exhilarating. You are nothing like anything I have ever seen.

My family has always advised me that love is like a slowly kindling campfire. It starts small and takes effort to move forward, but grows ever stronger and bigger so long as you give it fuel. I expected my romance to be just like that: slow and steady. And yet... And yet... With you, it was like an explosion.

So when you held my hand, kissed my lips, and touched my body for the first time-- all in one night, I had felt like helpless ice underneath the bright summer day that was you.

And herein comes three: my dilemma. After that fateful evening together, which was already a month ago, I cannot discourage myself from thinking of you. Every waking moment, every time I dream. Even during mundane moments like eating or even when I need to focus my efforts on weapons training. All you. You. You.

Even in the shower, still you.

And yet... If my thoughts were simply the idea of you, I would not be this bothered. If it were simply your usual smile, and not the way you writhe in ecstasy beneath my touch...

I feel pathetic noticing how the thrill of you physically excites me.

I have been mechanically slathering soap over my body the whole while I've been thinking of you. Now my attention drifts to my hands. Fingers brushing up my arms, dipping into the shallow pool in my clavicle, running down the ridges of my chest and my stomach. Mindlessly, or perhaps mindfully, circling around my navel before trailing the line connecting my abdomen and my thighs. Teasing myself slowly, slowly, downward... And,

"How long do you plan on watching me secretly?"

I breathe out, shifting my head to stare at the innocuous door behind me.

A thick silence greets me. Perhaps a little too thick. And then in stepped you, gaze planted downward like a scolded child, as you reluctantly mumble out an excuse or two.

"How did you know..."

"Did you believe I of all people would not hear the door creaking behind me?"

"But it opened so smoothly, I was shocked it didn't make any noise at all..."

I do not think you are begging for a response, so I merely shake my head. I continue rubbing my skin with soap. While doing my showering routine, I keep my eyes trained on you and keep our conversation going, "So, what brings you here today?"

You shift, seemingly uncertain whether to meet or avoid my eyes, "Just stopping by to hang out. I bumped into Lilia on my way here, and he just urged me in without waiting for your consent. Sorry 'bout that."

"It's quite alright." I nod.

You continue, "You weren't around when I got in, so I thought of maybe waiting. But then I heard the shower going and... And..." Your lips contort into what seems to be a lopsided frown. With brows knit complicatedly, your embarrassed eyes finally dart towards me and you squeal out, "I'm so, so sorry. I don't know what went over me! I just thought that maybe I want a tiny peek of you naked--"

"Ha. Ha ha..." I try to contain myself but the delight in my chest was too overpowering to ignore, "Hahaha!"

A few more bouts of hearty laughter burst out of me before my mood gradually evens. Recovering myself from hunching, I straighten my body and sweep my hair back to move it out of the way of my sight. I feel a tug on my mouth as I narrow my eyes at you, "How naughty. Who would have thought everyone's helpful little prefect is such a dirty woman? Do your friends know?" My playful words curl my lips into a teasing grin, "That you were the one who seduced me that night? In public, behind everyone's backs?"

I see a fog of red paint your cheeks, so I tone down my mischief with a compliment, "Though I would not have it any other way. I find your honesty irresistibly attractive."

I am not quite sure if it is simply my immersion in our conversation that urged me to forget that I am bathing, or that your occasional intentional glances to different parts of my body captivated my attention, but I stop what I am doing and lean against the wall. I keep a daring look on my face as I capture your eyes. Add a light bite to the lower lip to complete the suggestion.

A bit bashful-looking, but you bravely lock your sight with mine, "You should be more honest though. You're always so accommodating and attentive, but..." You look down and pucker your mouth to gesture at my lower half, "I know you want something too."

My attention unconsciously drifts down to where you are pointing at. Ah, my traitorous self, must you always be this easy to please?

"So," You continue with newfound confidence as I heed your voice, "Think about it, pretty boy. I'm down for anything you wanna do," A wink from you and my pathetic desire twitches in anticipation. And another one for when you twirl your hair with a finger as you purr, "I'll be ready and waiting outside."

When the door shuts close, I let out a breath that I did not know I am holding. Something that I want..? Why, there are certainly particular things that I wish to do to you and yet I keep within my fantasies, but how could you have possibly..? Don't tell me, you know..?

Impossible. I've done everything I could to hide it. ... However, if we are to continue this relationship for a long time, if you were to one day accept being my mate, then you deserve to know. But, what if it frightens you-- what will I do then? If you do not accept me...

I turn the shower knob and let it spatter across my skin. I mull it over, again and again, until I finish drying myself off and cover my body with a robe. My thoughts are filled with uncertainty and distress when I walk out of the bathroom. However, as soon as I raise my head and see you sitting on my bed with a thin shirt barely covering your underwear, I realize how much courage it must take you, who normally presents yourself quite modestly, to bare yourself to me like this.

And so I shall too.

My footsteps announce my presence and you greet me with a smile. I sit beside you while I listen to you say, "So, have you thought about it?"

"Yes..." I reply carefully; my hand coyly reaching out for yours, "I would like for that mouth of yours to serve me."

"Blow-- umm, fellatio? That's surprisingly tame--"

"Both of them."

You blink at me in what seems to be confusion, "Both?"

A perverse feeling suddenly overcomes me. I take my hand off yours. My reply does not come fast, for I savor the tense look you give me as you follow wherever my hand trails a path, "You see," I enunciate slowly while I tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

I pause for a moment. My fingers glide from your ear, across your jaw, and feel the velvety smoothness of your bottom lip. They push your mouth open as I thrust in two fingers to rub against your tongue.

"I'm not human, darling."

Part 2 here