#and i have so much more faith she will still be healthy and skating at 29 than anyone of those 15/16 year old girls she competes against | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pineapple-lover-boy · 3 years ago

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Can- can I just talk about the Victuuri relationship? Pretty please?

I just…. I’ve never seen a healthy relationship that starts from idolization and a need to get out that has ended in a satisfying way.

Let me elaborate:

We all know that Yuri idolized Victor. It’s why he was so nervous in the beginning and why it took time for them to build on their relationship, he saw Victor as a god.

Victor? He was depressed. He loved the ice so much but he longer found excitement in competitions. He didn’t have any worthy opponents that had a chance of beating him (sorry Chris).

I believe Victor “fell in love” at the banquet. He was attracted to Yuri but, even though he lost, he also saw potential in him. That night was probably the most exciting night for him in a long time. I think he felt genuine affection for Yuri but also saw a way to get out of his predicament.

Then, of course, Yuri didn’t show up the following season (a year had passed before the present timeline). He was most likely annoyed that someone who had gave him excitement didn’t show up. Did he think Yuri had a chance of beating him at first? Probably not. Did he see potential or at least someone he could have fun with during the season? Hell yes!

And then when he saw the video of Yuri skating Stay Close To Me, something that awarded him a gold medal. That’s all he needed. He saw how Yuri not only skated it perfectly but I bet he thought Yuri skated it better. Let’s not forget that emotion is a huge part of skating. If you don’t skate with the passion your supposed to hold for whatever theme you have, your performance can almost seem futile. Victor obviously won because he perfected it but if it was based on how he presented it alone, he would’ve lost. He saw someone worthy of skating an gold medal piece while also having the heart to do it. That’s talent.

Anyways, because of this, their relationship doesn’t hold well in the beginning. He’s passive aggressive towards Yuri because he doesn’t see his own talent and Yuri is just going along for the ride because holy shit it’s Victor fucking Nikiforov.

As they get to know each other and Yuri opens up more (plus Victor getting info on Yuri from the others) Victor starts to see Yuri as an actual person and not someone he can use to project himself onto and then later skate against. And Yuri starts to see him as an actual person too.

I saw on another post talking about how we didn’t see them during the summer and how the end credits of every episode suggest they got to know each other better as both in the credits and in the show they (Yuri) are able to touch each other more. I 100% believe this.

I also believe they might’ve had an argument or two on this topic. It’s not easy to switch from inadvertently seeing someone as anything but a person to an actual person with emotions and feelings. I believe Victor would’ve tried to back away from this subject but Yuri wouldn’t let him. It wasn’t big arguments like in episode 7. It was probably little quarrels that annoyed them both but after having a long conversation they finally started to become more comfortable with each other.

Yuri started letting go of the notion that Victor was a god like creature and Victor saw him as something other than a pawn. Yuri stopped getting as embarrassed with Victor touching him and Victor stopped trying to seduce him as much just so he could see the man from the banquet.

This most definitely leads the way towards a healthier relationship but episode 7 was inevitable. Yuri’s anxiety was at an all time high when he comes out on top. The fact that he needs to stay on top and not mess up is getting to him. As a person with anxiety, it’s pure hell. The thoughts of failing won’t get out of his head and even as he turns off all the monitors he can still hear everything.

Victor takes him away from prying eyes and has no idea what to do. Despite an obvious change that would’ve had to include some emotions from both occurring over the summer, he still has no idea how to help someone in distress.

Then he makes his first mistake. Yuri is visibly shaken by someone’s scores (can’t remember who) and Victor, who is at his wits end, yells at him to stop listening and puts his hands over Yuri’s ears. This tells Yuri how nervous Victor is too and despite knowing that Victor wouldn’t leave him now it shows to him that Victor doesn’t have faith in him (even if he does).

Victor tried to shatter Yuri’s heart. He must’ve expected Yuri to maybe sign heavily but tell him that he’ll do everything in his power to win (probably something that’s happened with him and Yakov). Instead he see’s the consequences of his carelessness. Yuri rightfully lashes out at him and even through all that Victor stills says “should I kiss you?”. Idk what Yuri was thinking but if I were him I would be extremely offended that Victor would try and use me like some doll he can play with and can assume that physical affection and love can fix everything, which was probably what Yuri was thinking.

There’s something off about Yuri and Victor when they emerge but Yuri is surprisingly better now. Cathartic crying can do wonders, kids. There’s also my favorite part of the entire show (couldn’t find a gif):

*head jab* “Hey, fuck you.”

*more head jabs* “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. I know you don’t like this you unempathetic dicknip.”

*head pat* “You’re forgiven.”

We all know what happens next: Yuri ends his love story with Victor’s signature move and Victor kisses him out of joy and the need to one up him (with love, of course).

I’m gonna get a little sloppy here with the timeline because I have the memory of a female protagonist that needs to go back to work to get something only to accidentally bump into the jerk CEO of which she will develop a toxic relationship for fan service, so forgive me.

Gonna skip ahead to the scene where Yuri tells Victor that he’s leaving skating, and basically Victor too. (At this moment I realized I’ve been spelling Viktor with a c and not a k which is really fucking with my brain but it’s too late to go back). Victor starts crying and realizes just how Yuri felt when he was rejecting him.

I believe Yuri found some light in the situation because of that fact, which Victor was not having. They’ve been closer than ever now. They’ve kissed, they’ve also announced they they’re getting married, so what the hell?!

Yuri, as we know, feels he’s keeping Victor from the ice. Victor, while he misses the ice and wouldn’t mind being competitive again, has found meaning and if he’s going to be Yuri’s coach to stay where he is than so be it.

He wanted to coach Yuri because he wanted a worthy competitor and while he still wants that, what matters most now is his relationship with Yuri. If he stops being Yuri’s coach and Yuri goes off the ice he knows it will be the end. Yuri loves the ice too and I’d bet he’d try to distance himself from Victor as to not feel regret from leaving without actually knowing that he’s doing it.

They’ve grown so much at this point. But that doesn’t mean it’s over. After all they’ve been through Yuri doesn’t realize that consequences of parting from one another. While being too dependent on your spouse isn’t good, it’s what they both need right now. They are what caused the other person to be happy again and while I hate those types of storylines this one executed it perfectly.

I find Victor’s silent plea to Yurio absolutely heartbreaking. He knows it’s bad to put pressure on people but now he’s doing that to a 15 year old boy. He’s putting his relationship and his life into this child’s hands because he knows there’s nothing else he can do.

I do think Yurio had a crush on Yuri but even if he didn’t: Yuri has taught him so much. He, although being an ass most of the time, has really come to love Yuri as family. It’s clear that Yurio was always lonely (Otabek being his first friend and all) but once he came to Japan and lived, truly lived there, he wasn’t lonely anymore.

Yurio wins, Yuri gets silver and all’s well that ends well.

I guess my point of this was to show how well the relationship in YOI was. I could’ve included some more detail on some points but I usually write stuff in one take (it’s very hard to revise without my mind shutting on itself).

I just love how an implicitly toxic relationship can come out so healthy. They don’t do any of that miscommunication bullshit and when they do it’s because the characters don’t know what to do or how to handle something. Like humans do!

They could’ve easily made this the hot famous guy thinks the kawai girl boy is just so adorable and the kawai girl boy is absolutely infatuated with the hot guy. Hijinks ensue which includes the kawai girl boy thinking the hot guy is in love with someone else. She He gets pushed into thinking that she’s he’s more independent in the end and happily ever after for the couple that will divorce in less than five years! Yay!

Seriously, I thought that was what was going to happen but YOI subverted my expectations so much. They are people that grew from their bad mindsets. And you know what? Yuri still has anxiety! Victor is still bad with handling emotions! And that’s ok! We don’t change that quickly. It takes time and hopefully another season.

I’m definitely using this show as a template for healthy relationships. It’s so hard for me to properly write them when I’ve never been in one and I’m not given the chance to see it happen in different environments (when searching it up all I get is “they trust each other. They blame each other. They’re compassionate.” Like ok but can you show me how?)

Yuri!!! On ice…. I love you so much. You have done so much for my mental health and my writing. Thank you.

#yuri on ice #yuri katsuki #katsuki yuri #victor nikiforov #viktor nikirofov #please tell me if you want me to elaborate on some sections #long post #yurio plisetsky #yuri plisetsky #healthy relationships

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morkleemelon · 4 years ago

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off the ice || chapter 7: finish strong

previous || m.list || playlist

pairing: college hockey player!mark x college figure skater!reader

genre: fluff, humor, college au, sports au

word count: 5.5k

warnings: swearing

author’s note: it’s finally here, the final chapter :’) I’m both sad and relieved as this is my longest written work ever. huge shout out to my beta readers @skiimmiilk and @writing-frog for sticking with me and making this story SO much better. also, please watch this clip which is the choreography being performed in this chapter. I own none of it or the song it is being performed to! with a full heart, I hope you enjoy chapter 7, finish strong (copyright morkleemelon, all rights reserved)

Soft clusters of snowflakes drift all around, brushed up from their pine-tree-seats, swirling a playful circle around the couple sitting by the lake side before settling in their hair. The early morning cold doesn’t seem to bother them as they sit still, mitten in mitten. It’s picturesque, pristine.

You don’t have to be able to see yourself to know this.

“We should head down to warm up soon,” Mark whispers, cozying into your side.

You hum, leaning your head on his shoulder, feeling the stray snowflakes melt against your cheek. The two of you had come out to your favorite spot to calm your pre-competition nerves, agreeing to stay until the sun reached the tip of the frosted trees. Undoubtedly, from any angle you so choose to look from, that point has been far surpassed and the happy sun beams gold upon the winter landscape.

Bob Ross would have loved this.

“We should,” you agree reluctantly. Giving him a peck on the cheek, Mark shudders at the cold feeling of your lips on his skin. He crinkles his reddened nose, but doesn’t move to stop your second, your third.

Laughter carries across the frozen expanse as the two of you race back to his car.

One hand on the wheel and the other in yours, Mark does his best to strike up different conversations to distract you. You squeeze his hand in appreciation - if anything, he’s the one who should be more nervous for tonight, being a first time performer and a hockey player and all.

You guess it does make sense since he’s used to being in the spotlight all the time, especially from having biweekly games in front of similar crowds. You weren’t exactly a stranger to being in the spotlight either, but the winter festival at Seoul University tends to be a huge commotion, gathering crowds from all around the city. Families, children, recent graduates to senior alumni all come to fill the campus to the brim and there’s no doubt you’ll have quite the audience to impress.

But it’s thanks to Mark that you have fortunately developed a healthy sense of self-confidence, perhaps even enough to convince yourself that there’s a fifty percent chance your performance will go without catastrophe. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll finish the routine without breaking your face in front of 15,000 people.

You managed to sneak a look at the competition sign-ups earlier, and unsurprisingly, are the only participant who will be competing with a non-figure skating partner.

Nonetheless, you study your boyfriend’s face unbeknownst to him. The eyes you grew to love so much, trained on the road in front of him. The slope of his nose and the way it connects to his pouty lips, everything, all the way down to the natural determination rooted in his soul makes you have faith in him despite the disadvantaged odds.

Night after night, practice session after practice session, you worked your butts off to perfect the pair skate choreography the best you could.

After the night that Hillary and her accomplice, Seojung, were caught and sent to jail, the two of you had several deep talks, ultimately vowing to keep no more secrets from each other. Whatever it is, good or bad, you agreed that the other would want to know.

Your relationship flourished as you were no longer held back by your anxieties. Public dates, hockey games, sleeping over at each others’ dorms, you let yourself fall one hundred percent into happiness, unfazed by the rest of the world.

Like a dream, the rest of your life slowly fell into place too.

Yuna is doing a lot better. She’s abandoned the crutches, opting to power walk around in only the boot and cast. Ten follows her around like a puppy, carrying her bag and her crutches in case she ever wants them. You’re so proud of her and you’re really glad she has someone like Ten around to dote on her. Every girl should have a simp.

Lisa and Hope were not happy (to say the least) that they did not get to join the gang at ‘the police station party’. Their words, not yours. Lisa threatened to go to the Seoul Police Department to throw hands with Hillary only to find out the two Lovelee’s presidents have been moved elsewhere, to a more isolated confinement, for ‘bad behavior’.

Not my problem.

The court date approached quickly and the jury ruled the two girls would spend their lives in prison without bail. Additionally, the school dean, more afraid of a lawsuit than anything like student lives, abolished the Lovelees fanclub and updated school policy to criminalize such stalking behavior. The eight of you celebrated the amazing news with lots of champagne (without salt this time) and whilst incredibly tipsy, Jeno told Lisa that he liked her.

You don’t want to get into how loud the screaming was in the suite as Lisa grabbed his face and kissed him. The most efficient thing to do is to reveal what all of you received afterwards: four noise complaints.

Mark pulls into the athletic center lot before you know it. He senses your persisting nervousness and turns towards you, enveloping your other hand in his larger ones.

“You are,” he states, shaking your joined hands up and down with every word, “the most beautiful, wonderful, talented woman I’ve ever met”.

You flush in embarrassment, dropping your gaze, but Mark dips his face down to keep eye-contact. He looks so goofy and you can’t help but laugh.

“I’m serious, babe,” he says through a smile, “nobody else here deserves to win more than you do. You made our choreography all by yourself and even taught me, a guy who can’t make eggs, how to figure skate. We’ll do our very best, y/n, so whatever happens, know that I’m proud of you and I love you very much”.

An ‘aw’ draws from your lips and you lean forward to press them sweetly against his.

People walk past your parked car, but you don’t pay them any notice.

Actually-

“Mark, I think we really have to go warm up”. You motion to the other skaters entering the open stadium doors.

Grabbing all of your gear, the two of you rush inside to start warming up.

“There are eight pairs and we’re going fifth,” you report to Mark, checking the performance schedule expertly.

“Uh, okay. Yes… is that good?”.

“It’s whatever. We just need to show the audience everything we have,” you say while smushing his cheeks in between your palms.

“Okay”. His voice comes out adorably from his face being sandwiched in your hands.

Other skaters look on judgmentally, but you stare calmly back until they look away. The music from the routine of the current skaters on the ice ends.

“Calling pair five, Mark Lee and y/n to the ice for rehearsal. Mark Lee and y/n to the ice for rehearsal,” the overhead announcer repeats.

“That’s us”. You take a deep breath and grab Mark’s hand. He gives you a reassuring squeeze as you skate out from the benches onto the ice.

It’s only a rehearsal, so only a few people, coaches and other skaters, were watching. Even so, you blink nervously as you run through the routine in your head.

“Are you ready?,” Mark questions with a smile, pulling you into the starting position. Your heart races against your chest, but you take a deep breath to calm it down. After everything you’ve been through, this is not the hill you’ll die on.

“I’m ready”. You nod to the staff members and the familiar tune fills the stadium.

It’s a song that Mark picked out himself. It’s ‘his contribution’ to the group project as he joked when you were contemplating your music choice. Playing the simple song on his phone, one earbud for you and the other for him, he explained that it says everything that he feels for you. And it’s absolutely perfect.

“Twenty minutes and you’re up, group five! Please be on stand-by,” a staff member peeps her head into the locker room as you touch up your hair and makeup.

All around you, skaters bustle around, frantically stitching last-minute sequins back on their dresses or brushing on copious amounts of blush, surely to stand out to even those seated in the back row.

Pair four is about to go out on the ice, meaning you’ll be out there before you know it.

Mark is in the men’s locker room, of course. He must feel odd being the only one there right now. You texted him asking if he needed help with his costume, but he insisted he’d handle it just fine. It’s more you worrying than anything.

Taking your hundredth yoga breath of the day, you peer into your reflection in the water-stained mirror. Your long, dark hair is half-up and half-down - loose enough to flow with your skating, but also pinned back so you don’t completely choke on it. Natural makeup adorns your eyes and lips. It’s a much different look than what’d you’d usually go for when skating, but after a lot of careful consideration, it would be much more meaningful both to the performance and to you to go out like this.

Your dress is a stunning royal red. After Uncle Joe told your parents about the competition, they all chipped in to buy it for you to wear tonight. You insisted that it was okay, that it was far too expensive and you could just wear your old one especially since money is so tight, but they wouldn’t let you get another word in.

So now it’s on your body with the price tag cut off. You trace a finger over the intricate sequins of the bodice down to the flowy silk skirt. Trusty white skates already laced up, it’s time to go out and meet Mark.

You start to make your way into the hall.

“Hey y/n, you’re getting a call,” one of the other skaters calls out.

Stopping in your tracks, you hop awkwardly back in your skates, thanking her as you grab your phone from her outstretched hand.

It’s a Facetime call from Yuna.

You pick it up, the screen skipping a few times as the signal struggles to connect.

“y/n!”. Metallic voices on the other side come out distorted and the images are no higher quality than 240p at best, but you recognize instantly that your closest friends are all there sitting in the bleachers.

“y/n, you look so beautiful! Are you next?,” Lisa calls over the other voices.

“No, there’s someone going now, but Mark and I will be right after,” you reply, a smile blooming across your face.

“Markos! Markos! Markos!,” the boys start chanting, evicting laughter from your chest.

“y/n your parents are here too! And Uncle Joe”. The camera pans around, revealing the blurry faces of said loved ones.

“No way! Mom? Dad? Joe?,” you gasp, “how’d you come all the way out here?”.

“Honey!,” your mother greets, beaming at the camera, “of course we came! You worked so hard, your friends have been telling me all about it!”

“And we want to meet this Mark boy too,” your father adds.

You scoff, rolling your eyes playfully.

“You’re a good one, kiddo,” Joe chimes in, “and I have a feeling we’ll be seeing something spectacular tonight. From the skating I’ve seen so far, you won’t have much trouble at all getting that prize-”

“Joe!,” you hush, “I’m still in the locker room! Don’t say that!”.

Looking around nervously, thankfully nobody seems to have heard Uncle Joe’s criticism.

“Listen everyone, thank you so much for coming tonight, it means the world to me. We’ll definitely talk after, but for now, I really gotta go”.

“Okay babe, just wanted to let you know we’re all rooting for you!”. Yuna pulls the camera back to reveal everyone cheering and waving to you. Your heart tingles with butterflies at the gesture. “You’re gonna kill it tonight! Love you!”.

Relaying your affections back, you hang up the call and head out into the hall.

It’s dark. All the lights have been turned off for the sake of the icy stage to stand out more. The curtain less windows provide almost no illumination due to the winter evening nature.

Through the wall, you can hear roaring applause greeting the fourth pair of skaters as they enter the ice. The whole university and more must be here by the sound of it.

“y/n”. Mark’s voice guides your eyes to your right. Squinting through the dark, his familiar form approaches out of the shadows.

“Mark,” you greet back quietly, resting a hand on his arm.

Even in this lighting, your breath draws thin at his appearance. His blonde hair is slicked back instead of tousled in a cute fringe like you’re used to. It’s nothing crazy, but it somehow changes his vibe completely. Your hand feels at his billowy white shirt, tucked neatly into black pants.

“Okay, keep looking at me like this and we’re not making it out there,” Mark mumbles under his breath, smirking slightly as a few stagehands pass by.

You remove your hand only to smack him in the same spot.

“Shut up”

“You love me”

“Yeah, and?”

His familiar giggles tickle your ears.

“Are you Mark and y/n? Pair five?,” a staff member interrupts.

“Oh, yes, that’s us”

“Please head down this way to be on standby. When it’s your time to enter, there will be someone at the gate to usher you in”

“Okay, thank you”. Slipping your hand into Mark’s, the two of you hobble in the direction of the rink entrance. It’s nerve-wracking, but the feeling is so easy to ignore when you’re together with him.

The music of the current performance becomes suddenly louder as you open the door to enter the main part of the stadium. From where you stand (in a random corner by the bleachers), thousands of audience members fill the stands.

The pair on the ice dance together playfully to their energetic piece. Your two teammates, you recognize.

“They’re really good,” you breathe, watching them spin oh-so-synchronously together without missing a beat.

“That doesn’t mean we can’t be good too,” Mark states matter-of-factly. You look up at him to meet his gaze, giving his hand a small squeeze in agreement. “And now is as good a time as ever to tell you that I was- and I’m not shitting you- I was standing right here when I saw you for the first time”.

“What?”. You look around at the dark underside of the rink bleachers. The best two adjectives to use for a place like this are ‘dank’ and ‘gross’.

“Yes, I know. Fall of last year, you were practicing at night and I came to do drills. I saw you here and… that was it for me. I dropped my bag and you turned towards me so I completely panicked. I ran away and couldn’t grow the balls to ask you out for a whole year. That’s the truth”.

Mark’s expression is oh so cutely shy and it makes you curl your toes in your skates.

“You complete loser,” you gush over the music, “You should have stayed, asked me out right then and there. Then we would’ve had an extra year together”.

“You’re right,” Mark groans into his hands jokingly. He spreads his fingers to peer through their gap. “But what’s one year of forever, right?”.

“What’s one year of forever,” you echo.

Applause erupts from above you as the skaters finish their routine. The announcer goes over the rules for voting once more, sending them off as they exit the ice.

“Group five, you’re on next. When they announce your names, you’re gonna go through this gate here and when you’re ready, they’re gonna start the music. Any concerns?,” the staff member directs.

“No, thank you,” the two of you shake your heads.

“Okay, this is it,” you state. It’s unclear if it’s directed to yourself or for Mark. In all honesty, it’s to the world.

“This is just one thing, y/n. It’s just one of the many things we’re gonna do together. Let’s just do it how we always do”

He’s always right.

“And now, please welcome our next skaters, sophomore, y/n and her partner, junior, Mark Lee!’.

In the matter of seconds, you’re out of the dark and hit with blinding spotlights from every direction.

Your own thoughts drown out as unseen crowds past the light roar animatedly at your arrival. Raising your arms in the air, hand still laced with Mark’s, the two of you circle around the ice to greet the audience.

“Holy shit, I didn’t get a good look earlier, but y/n, this dress…” Mark remarks, eyes glued on your figure.

“I look beautiful,” you confirm confidently as you stop naturally in the center of the ice. “Are you ready?”.

It’s always like this, rapid fire. As nervous as you are, it's time to go.

Inhaling and exhaling deeply, the junior hockey captain moves into the starting position.

“I’m always ready for you”

And just like that, the soft strumming of guitar chords overcome the audience ruckus and all you can see is the man in front of you.

I found a love for me

Oh darling, just dive right in and follow my lead

Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet

Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me

Your bodies move on autopilot, muscle memory from countless nights of practice amounting to the flawless execution of your first lift. His hands are strong against your body and you put your full trust in him to catch you every time. The crowd could be screaming right now and you wouldn’t hear it, only focusing on how much the lyrics of this song mean to you.

‘Cause we were just kids when we fell in love

Not knowing what it was

I will not give you up this time

But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own

And in your eyes, you're holding mine

You dance in unison, your bodies so familiar with each other. Jumping easily into his arms, you know he can see the love in your eyes as he holds on to balance you by your waist. Hair billowing in the breeze created by your movement, Mark improvises to tuck it back behind your ear.

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms

Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song

When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath

But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight

Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know

She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home

I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets

To carry love, to carry children of our own

This is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.

We are still kids, but we're so in love

Fighting against all odds

I know we'll be alright this time

Darling, just hold my hand

Be my girl, I'll be your man

I see my future in your eyes

And somehow, by the luckiest of stars, he wants to spend the rest of his with you too.

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms

Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song

When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful

I don't deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight

The song winds down and you express every ounce of romance you have for everyone to see. The two of you aren’t aware, but everyone in the stadium is silent with awe.

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms

Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song

I have faith in what I see

Now I know I have met an angel in person

And she looks perfect

I don't deserve this

You look perfect tonight

Completely in a trance, the world fades back into your awareness as you kneel down across from each other, out of breath. Mark’s eyes sparkle like stars under the lights and he brings you in for a kiss. You’re exhausted, but you stand and melt into his hug, hardly noticing the standing ovations from all around.

Roses, plushies, and paper planes come raining down. You pull away beaming, heart bursting with joy. Hand-in-hand, you take a bow, waving to the crowd as you catch your breath.

“y/n, you were so amazing,” Mark exemplifies as the two of you exit the ice. Everything passed by so fast. Months of hard work and roller coaster emotions accumulated to the last five minutes, over before you knew it.

“Me? Look at you, mister hockey. I’m so amazed at you,” you commend.

As you enter the hall again, you are met with congratulations and praise from teammates and Mark’s many admirers. Although the Lovelee’s may have been banished already, the crowd of cooing girls never went away.

“You were so good, Mark”

“Yeah, totally, Mark. That was so hot”

Your day was far too great for you to be annoyed at their blunt flirtatious attempts (despite your obvious presence by his side). Before Mark could muster out a flustered ‘thank you’, you decide to rip off the band aid.

“He says thank you!”

With no intention of hearing their replies, you lead him further down to where your friends told you they’d be to meet you.

“y/n”. Coach Tanya makes herself known.

“Coach!”. You bow to her.

Much to your surprise, when you come up, the older woman pulls you into a firm hug. Your shock is apparent at the warm gesture and you hesitate before hugging her back. Never has she ever expressed anything more than terse compliments to you before. This is like drinking ice water on a hot day.

“That was absolutely excellent, y/n,” Tanya pulls away to shake hands with your boyfriend, “and you, Mark is it? You were wonderful for a beginner”.

“Thank you ma’am”. He nods politely.

“But y/n,” your coach turns back to you, “I am stunned at your artistry. The emotion, the technique, you’re one of my best. How would you like to go to nationals in the spring?”.

Your hand shoots up to cover your gaping mouth. Tears spring to your eyes and you nod vigorously to confirm your obvious answer to Tanya’s question.

“No way!” Yuna’s voice sounds from behind your coach’s figure. The blonde emerges shortly after, followed quickly by the rest of the gang. The boys waste no time in tackling Mark with congratulations and sharp jabs at his ‘dumbass’ hairstyle.

“You’re here!”. You wrap your best friend in an excited hug. “Coach is sending me to nationals!”. Lisa and Hope join in squealing as the four of you hop up and down at the news.

Tanya chuckles at the scene, “Yes, indeed. And it looks like you’re getting a lot better, Yuna. That’s a relief”.

“I don’t care what the doctor says, I’m gonna make sure I’m on the ice again one day,” Yuna attests.

Coach Tanya leaves you to celebrate as your parents and Uncle Joe come bearing flowers. Many pictures and one uncomfortable interrogation from your parents for Mark later, you get changed and go out to enjoy the rest of the winter festival with your friends.

The results of the competition are to be announced at the end of the night and you elect to not worry about the outcome. What you’ve earned from this journey is more than money could buy. Anything that happens after… happens. You’ll always find a way to make it through and have a great time doing it too.

All bundled up, you hop around the food trucks lining the city streets. Every restaurant in Seoul seemingly sent all their best foods for the festival: spicy rice cakes and burgers to lava cakes and hot cocoa. Live music creates a perfect ambiance to take away all the tension from the day.

The night sky is pitch black, but the whole city campus bustles with life. You swear you’ve seen this exact scenery in a Hallmark Christmas movie - all the cars and buildings wear their fluffy white snow caps, the sparkle of fairy lights in trees reflecting off their glass windows. Nobody cut the cameras because it’s pure magic.

“Guys they’re having fireworks on the roof of the science building. We can watch them announce the competition winners from there too, let’s go!,” Haechan pleads with a mouth full of steaming fish cakes.

“What do you say, you want to?,” Mark asks you, brushing a bit of sauce off the corner of your mouth with his thumb.

“Sounds great,” you smile. Fireworks are always a win.

You weave your way through the crowded street together, heading up the hidden stairwell only students would know to reach the designated rooftop. The whole time you can’t help but let your eyes linger on Jeno and Lisa’s interlocked fingers. The sight sure brings a smirk to your face, but man are you not used to it.

Mark notices your fixed gaze, following it to the odd couple’s joined hands. Snickering, he nudges you to stop staring.

“Sorry, it’s just so… unexpected,” you whisper to him as you head towards the rooftop railing to overlook the campus.

“I know, I didn’t see it coming either,” Mark agrees, tossing an arm over your shoulders as you moon over the breathtaking city line. Your breath makes clouds in the cold, winter air, but you feel warm as ever inside.

Out in the horizon, each blinking, twinkling light is a person living their life. Thousands of stories all at once, blissfully unique and their own. They’re different colors and intensities, some are from windows and some from cars. Overhead, an airplane soars on by. In reality, they’re moving at an incredible speed. But from where you admire, the little red wing lights inch on by, slow to leave your sight.

The world is full, so full. What looks like a tiny red light is a plane full of people and what must look like a speck of gold to them is the whole city of Seoul gathered together. Everything is different when you understand perspective, you realize, and it becomes so much more meaningful.

“Hey, I think that’s the dean! He’s gonna announce the winners of the skating competition!,” Hope taps you excitedly from your other side.

“Oh my god it’s happening”. You grab her hand and shake it around.

Mark’s grip tightens around you as the Seoul University dean steps in front of a podium set up in the school yard. A crowd gathers around, excited whispers travelling all the way up to your rooftop perch. The microphone screeches with feedback causing everyone to groan and cover their ears.

“Sounds like Haechan’s singing voice,” Mark whispers under his breath.

“I heard that!,” the younger boy retorts indignantly. You bite back your laughter as the dean begins to speak.

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for coming out this cold night to celebrate what Seoul University is about: unity and…,”

“Blah blah blah - tell us who won!,” Yuna whisper-yells, exasperated.

“You’re so hot when you’re bratty,” Ten coos.

“I know”.

This couple I swear. I’m trying to be nervous, but I can’t even do that when I’m laughing.

“... first annual skating competition here at Seoul University. Our students not only excel in academics, but hold a variety of astounding talents as you folks may have seen tonight at the University rink. Each student did a phenomenal job preparing for this competition, so let’s give a round of applause for all the skaters who performed tonight and the staff who made it happen!”

You clap your hands together nervously, bouncing slightly at the knee to fight the cold.

“One pair, by your vote, will be winning a grand prize of ten thousand dollars for their exceptional performance. After I announce the winners, we will wrap up the night with our famous annual firework show!”.

The crowd whoops and cheers excitedly.

“Without further ado, by popular vote, the winners of the first annual Seoul University skating competition are…,” the dean slits open a closed envelope, unfurling the contained page with excruciating tardiness. Pausing for dramatic effect, the excitement builds in the air, “y/n and Mark Lee!”.

Your names ring triumphantly through the whole city as you’re immediately crushed by seven hugs. The festival-goers roar in congratulations and you can’t hold back the tears of joy that spring into your eyes. Jumping up and down, your friends surround you in a cocoon of screaming and yelling.

Mark snatches you up, pulling you into his arms and twirling you around. Pressing a frenzy of kisses all over your face, you squeal in disbelief as he sets you down.

“You did it!,” he yells, sandwiching your cheeks between his hands.

“No, WE did it!,” you yell back, jumping up and hugging him close. Your friends waste no time to shuffle into a group hug, enveloping you like a love-flavored bao.

“y/n! No fucking way! Actually, we all saw it coming,” Yuna smacks your butt as an I-told-you-so gesture. You don’t even mind right now.

“I can’t believe it,” you cry into Mark’s fuzzy, black coat, “I can’t believe it. I- this means I can come back to school next semester”.

“Hell fucking yeah you can,” Haechan whoops.

The freezing air is knocked out of your body as a firework cracks across the sky, the booming sound resonating deep in your bones. Everyone’s attention is turned towards the brilliant shower of purples and pinks as they light up the darkened sky.

Mark sets you down, swiping his sleeves carefully over your cheeks to catch your fallen tears.

“My baby, always crying,” he jokes softly. You breathe out a short laugh as you sniff down your running nose. “But they’re happy tears, right?”.

“The happiest,” you nod, resting your ear to his chest as the two of you marvel at the shimmering sky. An especially big firework sets off, smaller ones following all around, drawing awed gasps from all who see.

“I love you,” you mumble.

“I love you too,” Mark hushes into your hair.

“I love this. I love today. I love this school. I love Yuna. I love Hope. I love Lisa. I love Jeno and Haechan. I love my parents and Uncle Joe. I love Coach Tanya and I love skating”.

You pause your rapid-fire declaration as you turn to face him. In his eyes, you can see the whole firework show.

“I love these fireworks and I love everyone who came to see us skate. I loved meeting you all those months ago by the basketball courts and I loved getting hit on at Yangyang’s party so we had our almost-first kiss by the lake”. You choke back a happy sob as you continue.

Mark has his eyes closed with a wide smile spread across his lips as he recollects the memories.

“I love going to church with you and I love when you pick me up from work. I love how you always zip up my jacket without asking and how you never wake me up early in the mornings because you know how much I hate it. You’re always there for me, Mark Lee”.

Fresh tears dribble down your chin and although he remains in pensive silence, shining streaks adorn his face too. You don’t notice it, but your friends have stepped back to let you have a private moment.

“Oh, y/n”. Mark’s voice comes out thick, swallowing back tears. His hand caresses at your face and it’s ever so warm. Moments pass before he’s able to continue. “Always”.

And you don’t need a fairy tale narrator to tell you that his promise is true for you to believe it with your whole heart. You’re here with him, fireworks all around, and it’s as true as the plane in the sky and the lights in the horizon.

You’re surrounded by friends, new and old, and most importantly, friends who are here to stick around.

You were wrong in the beginning: this wasn’t a story about how two souls come together.

It wasn’t only two, you see. It was you and Mark and all your friends and the professors you say ‘thank you’ to after class and the man who sells you green tea in the morning. It’s your parents and Uncle Joe and the stranger girl who fell in love with your skating tonight, sure to beg her parents for a pair of skates. The first of many.

It’s all of them and so much more.

And god, you’re so in love with who they’ve shaped you to be.

163 notes · View notes

bookandcranny · 4 years ago

Text

Beatrice - Chapter Five

She sucked on her lower lip and it tasted sweet. Bittersweet really, but any amount of sweetness was good enough for her.

Sprinting up the staircase two at a time, Gianna couldn’t remember why the climb had ever been an obstacle. She burst into her apartment and out of it again, through the window, onto the fire escape. Before she could think to be afraid, she leaped.

If she’d faltered, if she’d slowed for a second before making that jump, she would’ve hit the ledge and, best case scenario, clawed her way up to safety with a shattered pelvis. The worst case scenario was a lot messier and, she decided, not worth thinking about at the moment.

The important thing was she had made it, barely, and miraculously unbroken too. Unbroken because “unharmed” would’ve been too generous a word for it. She landed badly, twisting her ankle and spilling forward onto hands and knees. It was only thanks to the cradle of some overgrown greenery that she hadn’t cracked her skull open on the fountain while on her belly blindly grasping for leverage.

Maybe it was the headrush of having survived her nigh-suicidal recklessness, but the combined scents of the garden were making her dizzy. The exotic flowers’ natural perfume that had been pleasant at a distance now took on a noxious quality. The air seemed to be choking her. How did Beatrice stand it, she wondered.

Feeling a strange twinge she looked down at her scraped palms and sucked in a sharp breath. The cuts themselves were barely deep enough to draw blood, but beneath the tissue she was bubbling, boiling. She tore her eyes away and blinked hard to dispel the vision.

Am I awake? Am I dreaming again? Did I miss the ledge?

Her mind screamed at her.

It’s something in the air. It’s something about these damn plants. An infection? An allergy? No, can’t think about it now. There’s no time. Look away, deal with it later.

Thankfully the sliding door was unlocked. Most people don’t expect intruders at five stories up. It opened with a click and Gianna tensed, withholding herself against the urge to rush in, metaphorical guns blazing. She stood there in the doorway and listened for sounds of distress, but it was eerily silent. The luxury apartment was as serene and sterile as she remembered it.

“Bea?” she whispered as she stepped inside. “Beatrice?”

No response. Her own dragging footsteps were loud in the emptiness, scraping along the tile like a murmuring: hush, hush.

Gianna rounded a corner into the dining room and there she found her, and the mad doctor too. Beatrice was sitting at the table in a white dress with a gauzy quality to it that reminded her, sickly, of a wedding dress. Dr Rappaccini came up behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder before at length turning his sunken eyes towards the uninvited guest.

When he spoke, his voice sounded thick as if speaking around a swelling. “After all these years, you think I don’t recognize the taste of one of my own formulas? I’ve been doing this since before you were born, children.”

“It was only medicine, Father,” Beatrice insisted, looking up at him. “To help you sleep.”

“A long sleep indeed,” he growled. Gianna had no rightful reason to flinch away from the fury of an old, sick, and at least partially drugged old man, she reasoned. There was nothing of him to be so afraid of. But she did, and she was, and deep down she always had been, since the moment she saw him. There was something wrong with him, something she couldn’t put a name to, although if she tried the word “evil” might make an appearance.

It had been a long time since Gianna had considered herself one among the faithful, the kind of person to buy into such archaic concepts as pure good vs pure evil. She never quite believed in a soul that could be broken down into quantifiable measurements— a half cup of goodness, an even ounce of vice. She couldn’t say from what recipe a man like Dr Rappaccini was formed, but what she saw before her now repulsed her. The layers of him peeled off like old paint and underneath were all the years and all the people who ever imposed their will on her. It didn’t make her feel righteous, it made her feel small and scared. She didn’t want to touch him. She didn’t want to catch what he had.

“This really has gone too far.” He spoke not to her but to Beatrice again. Although he kept her penned within his periphery, Gianna was an insect to him. “What did you think would happen? That you’d run away together? Go off into the sunset and live happily forever after like those books you read? You know better. This is only a passing fancy. She’ll die, and you’ll find another.”

Then he touched her cheek, almost tenderly. For a moment he almost looked like the father he was, or at least pretended to be. Gianna saw him and a younger Beatrice: teaching her, dressing her, holding her, bringing her to life only to take it away.

“Let go of her, she’s coming with me.”

Dr Rappaccini sneered. “Oh by all means. Who am I to get in the way of my daughter’s happiness? But if you two are going to insist on keeping up this charade, I think it’s only right I let you know what you’re getting into.”

The young woman stiffened. “Father, please don’t.”

“Have you been feeling ill lately, Ms Alexander? Been noticing some certain sudden changes?”

Gianna instinctively closed her fists and felt her bloodied palms sting.

“Now now, no need to be embarrassed. I’m a doctor you know.” He wheezed a little laugh to himself. “Have you been having trouble sleeping? Peculiar dreams? Maybe even during the day you find yourself feeling disoriented, seeing things. Do you find yourself feeling breathless or dizzy when you take in the city air? If not, you will. The medicine my daughter so kindly shared with you will be wearing off soon.”

Startled, she turned a questioning glance to Beatrice, but the other woman wouldn’t look at her. She’d told her the tea was medicinal, but it had never occurred to Gianna that she might be more familiar with the ailment than she let on.

“It’ll only get worse from here, you know. Look at me,” he coughed. “Like the late great Madame Curie, my passions took their toll on me in the end. Though not before affording me a sturdy tolerance for most known and unknown poisons, I’ll have you know. That’s over fifty years of gradual exposure for you. Ah, but you didn’t come here to listen to me talk about work.

“I’ll get to the point. You can treat the symptoms, but there’s no cure, no release from her poison. Even as we speak it’s tainting your healthy young blood, devouring you from the inside out. If I act fast, you may still live to a ripe old age. You might not even have any lasting side effects, lucky thing! But all this is if I give you the antitoxin, and if you don’t continue to willfully expose yourself to the source.”

“The source? You mean…?”

“Yes! My sweet Beatrice.” He petted her hair with the back of his fingers. “Lovely, isn’t she? Everything I grow… so very lovely. Don’t worry, I’d never do a thing to harm her. Can she say the same about you?”

“Don’t listen to him!” Beatrice stood up suddenly, surprising both Gianna and Rappaccini himself. “I never wanted to hurt you! I don’t want to hurt anyone!”

“But you can’t help it,” said the doctor. “It’s in your nature. It’s in your scent, the touch of your skin. Imagine what she could do with a kiss, Ms Alexander! Oh I almost want to see it. I’m sure it would produce some valuable data. But I’m not the cruel monster you make me out to be. That’s why I tried to stop you, even though my daughter begged me not to spill her secret. I tried to make you understand.

“She can’t be released upon the world. Maybe in a few generations we’ll have a version that can control her own potency, but not yet. Not you, Beatrice.”

The poison-blooded woman spun on her creator. “Why did you make me! Why did you make me like this! Why bring me into the world at all if I can’t be a part of it! What is the point of being alive if I can’t touch another living thing without hurting them!”

Tears rolled freely down her cheeks, hot and angry. Gianna instinctively reached out to comfort her.

“No, stay away!” she screamed.

Dr Rappaccini took her into his arms. Her tears soaked through the shoulder of his ill-fitting coat and raised his flesh with welts, yet he didn’t flinch. Arrogant gray eyes locked with Gianna’s and the message was clear. No matter how much she loved her, Beatrice belonged to him. She would rather choose an empty life under the heel of a man who could never truly care for her over the risk that she might further harm the one person who did.

Then, a curious thing happened. It started with a gentle rumbling that gradually grew in intensity like the beginnings of an earthquake. Then there was the smell. Beatrice always had a slightly floral scent to her that Gianna had assumed was perfume, but now, like in the garden, it was so overpowering that it seared the nose and throat and muddled the senses. Rappaccini noticed as well and turned to his daughter with a delirious look on his face.

“Girl, what have you done?”

The woman lifted her head. Veins like dark tendrils bulged beneath her skin, wispy strands of violet encroaching at the corners of her eyes like ink in water. A noxious venom bubbled up and spilled over her lower lip. The doctor staggered backwards. Gianna might have followed his lead if she were in her right mind, but as it was she was stricken, mesmerized by her. Even through the confusion and the terror, she wanted to reach for her. Her blood sang out to embrace her.

There was a sound of shattering glass from the terrace and the garden rushed in, spilling over and crashing like a tidal wave, flooding every room it entered with rapidly growing roots and bright green vines. The onslaught of green grew and morphed and stretched and with every pulse of its new buds and branches there was a noise like a muffled human scream.

The slithering stems ignored Gianna, skated right past Beatrice unbothered, and latched onto the form of Dr Rappaccini, pulling taught as they snared him.

“Beatrice!” he cried out, but not in horror or in rage. Oddly enough, though he was alarmed, when he looked into the face of his creation, the creation who would destroy him, his expression was one of absolute wonder.

“How are you doing this, Beatrice? How?”

She looked at him, with her eyes still clouded and the nectar of her ire dripping freely from her lips, and she said, “No.”

Only then did true panic set in for the scientist, for he understood exactly what that no meant.

Vines began to encircle his torso and pour into his open mouth, choking him, soaking up the living wet warmth of him and pouring in their poisons. They dragged his limp body, barely recognizable now, back out into the garden. They raked him over the shattered remains of the glass door and took him into their soil until no bit of him could be seen under the still earth.

The renowned genius Dr Giacoma Rappaccini died without ever knowing the whole truth of what he had created, without even the parting gift of that understanding, that knowledge he had so fervently sought after. That right had been revoked from him. Even so it could be said that Dr Rappaccini died with some sense of satisfaction. After all, what parent isn’t joyed to see their child finally surpass them?

As the flood of plants retreated so too did the murky discoloration of Beatrice’s eyes and skin, leaving only a faint sheen of laboured sweat. Unthinking Gianna moved towards her but her legs buckled halfway there. Her eyes rolled back and for a moment all the universe narrowed to the feeling of hands carefully lowering her to the floor.

“Oh God, Gianna.”

She blinked and saw Beatrice kneeling over her, felt the warmth of her breath. It occurred to her suddenly that she could very well be about to die. She wasn’t in any pain though. Even the ache from her twisted ankle was gone. If anything, she felt extraordinarily well, for a paralyzed person. The only improvement, she thought foggily, would be if she were able to just move. If she could move it all, if she could speak, then there would be nothing that she couldn’t say, not ever again.

“Gianna, I’m so sorry.” She leaned her head against Gianna’s breastbone and sobbed. “I love you. I love you.”

Gianna’s heart fluttered. In fact, it pounded so hard and so loud that Beatrice head shot back up with surprise. She sniffled and blinked back tears.

“Gi-Gianna? Are you still in there?”

Obviously Gianna couldn’t respond, but she searched her face and must have found an answer in it regardless.

“If you can hear me… I’m going to try something. It- it might… I don’t want to hurt you. That’s what I was trying to… I don’t, I’ve never been able to control it before, but every time you looked at me I just, just tried to focus on that, on how much I wanted…” She swallowed thickly. “So I’m going to try one more time. One more time, okay? I’ll think about how much I love you, and you think about… well you just think about staying alive and maybe… maybe this time. Maybe it’ll turn out alright this time.”

With that, she closed her eyes and kissed her. It was everything Gianna had dreamed and nothing she had expected. Clumsy and inexperienced, gentle and sweet, and something sort of tingly she had a feeling wasn’t entirely due to attraction or apprehension or any mix thereof. She felt her eyes fall closed and her own lips part slightly to let her in. Too late she registered the sensation of something liquid pooling on her tongue, falling down her throat. She choked, briefly, then reflex kicked in and she swallowed.

“Gianna?” Beatrice asked nervously.

She pushed herself up on her elbows. “You too,” she croaked. “I love you too. I would’ve told you sooner if I knew.”

“If you knew what?”

“That, that you needed to hear it. Someone should’ve told you sooner. Someone should’ve told you a long time ago how lovable you are.”

As she recovered Gianna touched a finger to her lips and it came away sticky. She sucked on her lower lip and it tasted sweet. Bittersweet really, but any amount of sweetness was good enough for her.

“Not to be the nosy overbearing girlfriend or anything, but what just happened exactly?”

Beatrice sat back on her heels. “I’m not really sure where to start. You’ve probably already figured out that I’m… not entirely human.”

“And all that talk about you being a hybrid and like a poisonous plant wasn’t entirely metaphorical, huh?”

She smiled sadly. “Father was always open with me about what I am. I wanted to be open with you too but part of me was afraid you wouldn’t believe me. The other part was afraid you would.”

A fair assumption. Even having witnessed the ultimate show of her power firsthand, she still had a hard time internalizing it.

The conflict must have been apparent on her face; Beatrice pulled away from her, folding her hands over her lap.

“I’m dangerous, I know. Nothing my father said was a lie, but there were things even he didn’t know about me. When you told me we could run away… you made it sound so simple, you know? It really made me believe I could do it. I really thought I could change. I thought I could be more like you, but instead I think I made you more like me.”

Gianna looked down at her hands. The cuts from earlier had sealed themselves closed, not so much as a scratch remaining.

“I’ve never tried to do that before. I don’t know exactly how it’ll affect you, or how much. You might live to be two hundred now. Or you might start to kill everything you touch.” A noise escaped her that was half laugh, half sob. “But I do know what would’ve happened if I left you like that, in that in-between state. Maybe it’s selfish of me. Father said it was. He told me if I cared for you at all I should send you away before it was too late, but I just…”

Gianna touched her. She shivered. “You never would’ve been able to scare me off anyway. I’m too stubborn for that.”

Beatrice sighed, sinking into her touch like she was a warm bed on a freezing cold night.

“So, what now?” Gianna asked at length, though she was reluctant to think of anything beyond this moment. This, all that she’d discovered, it did change things. Just not the things that mattered. Not as far as she was concerned, at least. “I mean, I guess we don’t have to leave now, but you do have a body in your garden so…”

“No. I want to. I want to leave.”

“Then we will,” said Gianna. “I just need to make a call first.”

-----

Petra pulled up to the curb outside a street she had intended never to visit again and opened the door with a glare.

“Gianna. I see you’re still alive despite ignoring every single warning I tried to give you.”

Before Gianna could respond she got up and pulled her into a clumsy hug.

“Crazy girl,” she muttered affectionately.

For half a second Gianna relaxed into the hug, before she remembered herself and pulled back with a gasp.

“What’s wrong?”

No blisters or rashes forming spontaneously on her skin. No sign of any adverse reaction at all. Her shoulders sagged with relief. It seemed she hadn’t absorbed Beatrice’s more overtly toxic qualities along with her immunity. Or, not yet at least.

The thought had been nagging at the back of her mind, that more traits might yet blossom down the line. Even Beatrice, by her own account, hadn’t been born with many of her abilities but rather had grown into them throughout her childhood and into the early years of adolescence.

And I thought puberty was bad enough as it is.

“Nothing,” she replied at length. “I’m just a little sore.”

She had explained the situation to the best of her ability over the phone, but had omitted more a number of key details. Some things she withheld with purpose, some because she felt it wasn’t her story to tell, some simply because she couldn’t find the words.

To Petra’s knowledge, Gianna had made plans to run away with Rappaccini’s daughter and when the man refused her, had broken into his apartment. This led to a struggle which resulted in his accidental death. All technically true. The details she chose to keep vague for the time being, until she could be certain the professor was on their side, although she had a sneaking suspicion she knew more than she let on anyway.

Petra looked from Gianna to the visibly shaken young woman who was clinging to her side. “Who did him in?”

“I did,” said Gianna without a thought. She’d been mentally rehearsing her story while they waited. “He found out about me and Bea and made it very clear that he was willing to kill us both to stop it from happening. I freaked out and pushed him, and he fell. He was old and frail. It was an accident.”

She nodded along with the tale but her thoughts were plainly elsewhere. Gianna got the impression she didn’t entirely believe her. That was fine, as long as she didn’t press.

“Where is he?”

She let go of the breath she’d been holding. That, she could answer definitively. “In the garden. Under it, I guess.”

Another nod. “It’ll do. He was a shut-in; I doubt anyone will come looking for him. I assume anyone who knew him well enough also would know better than to investigate his disappearance too closely. I’ll keep an eye on things, just in case.”

It probably should’ve bothered Gianna how nonchalant she appeared about a former colleague’s murder, even one she had a bad history with. But truthfully she was just grateful Petra had agreed to all of this so easily. She had no desire to look too closely at her motivations.

Petra reached into her pocket and handed Gianna a slip of paper with an address written on it.

“My summer home,” she explained. “You can lay low there for a while.”

“Petra… thank you.”

“Thank you. You’ve done me the service of taking care of something I should have a long time ago. Maybe once the good doctor’s research is in ashes I’ll finally be able to sleep through the night.”

She said it lightly, but there was a grave seriousness in her eyes.

“Please, not the garden,” Beatrice said softly. She’d spoken little since they’d left the apartment and it was no wonder why. The gravity of her actions was now beginning to sink in, and that combined with leaving the safety and familiarity of her home for the first time in her life had put her in a state of shock.

She never would truly regret laying Dr Rappaccini to rest, but the world did feel like a very different place without him in it.

“Is there any way you could get the plants to us once we’re there?”

“I’ll do my best, I can promise you that much.” She looked Beatrice up and down, really taking her in for the first time. “So you’re the ‘daughter.’”

“I am. I was.”

Dr Bagnol flexed her fingers around the handle of her cane, quietly contemplative. For the first time that Gianna had ever seen, she was unsure of what to say. “Did you ever… The other experiments, did they…?”

Beatrice inclined her head. Thankfully she needed no elaboration. “My father told me some. He said there were others before me, my sisters, but that they were imperfect and didn’t survive more than a few weeks. Your name’s Dr Bagnol, isn’t it? He spoke about you too, once or twice I think. It didn’t mean anything to me at the time.” She hesitated. “They’re happy now, if it helps. I never met them while they were alive but they talk to me through the flowers, though I can’t always understand them. My father didn’t believe me when I told him. There were a lot of things he didn’t believe in.”

The woman hummed in acknowledgment. “It’s a pretty unbelievable story. But I’ve dared to put my faith in plenty of strange ideas and often I’ve been right. For better or for worse.”

Petra gestured to the open car door and handed Gianna the keys.

“You’d better get moving.”

“You’re not coming?”

“I’ve got things to take care of here, the sooner the better. Don’t worry about the car. It’s the least I can do.” Her gaze lingered on Beatrice. “I’ve missed a lot of birthdays.”

They packed their bags into the trunk and Gianna settled into the driver’s seat. Catching the other’s anxious look she assured her, “We’ll go slow.”

“You may not have that luxury,” Petra said with the certainty of someone who had made her own share of narrow escapes. She rapped her knuckles on the hood of the car. “Go now and don’t stop until you’re across the state line.”

Nodding grimly Gianna spared one last look to the older woman: her co-conspirator, her mentor, her friend. “Thank you.”

They drove, and little by little New York retreated in the rear view until it blipped out of existence, a vanishing dream. Gianna would’ve liked to say she was sorry to leave it behind but in reality, the city wasn’t her home. It wasn’t her tiny apartment with the glitchy kitchen light and plastered over vintage moulding, nor even the house in the suburbs where her parents still lived, blissfully unaware of their daughter’s doings.

To her, home was an ephemeral thing, the stops on the way to a destination that was always changing. Beatrice on the other hand had only known one home all her life, one which may never exist for her again, at least not in the same way it had.

Yet when Gianna dropped one hand from the wheel and reached for her, she slotted her fingers between hers with no hesitation, only a trembling sigh as she continued to familiarize herself with the skin-to-skin contact. That too, Gianna thought, could be home. If nothing else, she could try and make it one for her.

A few hours passed with fewer words spoken between them. Sometimes she would ask Beatrice if she was hungry or feeling motion sick or if she wanted to try lying down in the back to get some rest, and each time she would answer with a polite shake of the head. The night settled over them like a deep blue linen, too gentle and frail to risk tearing with clumsy words.

The quiet wasn’t a bother to either of them. If talk is cheap then the clasping of hands and the soft kisses pressed to wrists and knuckles was a language that had cost them dearly.

Nearing their destination, Gianna pulled onto a sideroad that took them from asphalt to dirt and gravel to nothing as it came to an abrupt dead end. There was no house or even any helpful landmarks to be found, just grass and trees, so they parked the car to have a look around while Gianna fiddled with the GPS.

Beatrice stepped out into the field and filled her lungs, cautiously at first, and then in deep lusty breaths like a drowning body coming up for air. She shucked off her shoes and hiked up her dress to let the wild grass brush against her legs. The new plantlife turned brittle and curled away from her touch but she didn’t mind.

Gianna turned to find her partner lying in the middle of the field, heels digging into the dirt like she was trying to put down roots, and laughing giddily. The unrestrained, childlike joy on her face was contagious and Gianna soon found herself giggling as well.

“Having fun?”

“Oh it’s so weird,” she hiccuped. “There aren’t any walls. There aren’t even any buildings. It just goes on and on forever.”

She sat down in the grass next to her. “It’s not too overwhelming?”

“It is, but in a good way. It’s so… so much more than I thought it would be from books and pictures. It feels like a dream.”

“Describe it to me,” she said.

Beatrice sat herself upright and curled into Gianna’s embrace.

“It’s not the same as being in my garden. These plants don’t speak to me, and I can feel them but I don’t know them, if that makes any sense. You can’t feel them at all, can you?”

“No. Whatever you gave me… I don’t know, maybe it just doesn’t work that way.”

She tried not to look disappointed. Being able to touch, to be beside one another like this and not have to worry should have been enough. It was enough. But Gianna was beginning to understand that Beatrice’s loneliness was a vein that ran deeper than the more obvious isolation she experienced.

As Dr Rappaccini himself had alluded to, she was one of a kind. To Gianna, that just made her all the more amazing, but to Beatrice it was a curse. More than anything, maybe more than to be loved, she longed to be understood.

“Wish your superpowers could help us find this stupid house,” Gianna remarked.

Beatrice perked up. “Actually, I think it’s just on the other side of those trees.”

“Are you serious?”

“I don’t really know how to explain it but there’s this absence. Like, a blank space. Things are growing around it but in that space,” She made the shape of a square with her hands. “Nothing.”

Gianna stood up and brushed herself off. “Well let’s take a look then.”

Sure enough, the path picked up again on the other side of a small thicket and led them to the house-- more of a cabin really. Although the outside was just as overgrown from the years of neglect, aside from some dust and cobwebs the interior was remarkably well preserved. In a closet they found a broom and dustpan, some rags, and a bottle with an inch or so of cleaner still swishing around at the bottom. They also happened upon spare linens and an abandoned down comforter that had been tucked aside for a rare chilly day, blessedly free of grime.

The weather was still plenty warm so they opened all the windows and aired out the rooms and when Gianna was confident no spiders would crawl into her mouth while they were sleeping, she bid Beatrice join her under the duvet. There they dreamed with nothing but that big comforter between them and the night air. That was how they stayed until the morning.

For weeks they lived like this, playacting the roles of the two happy honeymooners. They got up, worked on cleaning up the house, cooked, ate, went to bed, and occasionally slept. It was a strange dance, one whose steps they made up as they went along. And sometimes they fell out of step.

Gianna had to go into town sometimes, to walk in the all too human places Beatrice still feared to tread and come back with supplies and dinner and a new book for her to read. It was nice, Beatrice thought, to be cared for in little ways like that, but though she gratefully accepted the gifts they also tended to remind her that when it came down to it, not very much had changed.

Her dictatorial father was gone, but so was her garden, her petaled elder sisters whom she cared for and cared for her in turn. The doors were all unlocked now, but many days she found herself lurking in the thresholds listening for the sound of tires crunching on leaflitter. In those interrums, she was as alone as she’d ever been.

When Gianna was there though, all was lovely. She gave her things she never imagined she would have-- at least not so freely, certainly not multiple times in one night. But in the wake of her affection a sick fretful feeling would open up like a chasm in her chest, taunting her as it ripped her in two, “Don’t you know how to be alive without trailing at someone’s heel?”

Its presence, this nebulous worry, dogged her day by day. In the small hours, while her girlfriend slept, Beatrice lay awake trying to trace the shape of this shadow that darkened the edges of her newfound happiness.

“Bea? You okay?”

She was standing outside in the grass, near the woods that surrounded the cabin. She liked to be here. Wandering too far made her nervous so she had to devise more creative ways to explore the world that was now open to her. Often she came here to test the reach of her awareness, feeling her way through the landscape as if with a phantom limb.

However Gianna found it a little unnerving to watch her girlfriend standing and staring into space for hours on end and typically only joined her when it had been long enough for her to get worried.

Beatrice blinked and rolled her neck experimentally. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

She put a hand on her shoulder. “Dinner’s ready.”

They twined their arms together as they walked the beaten path back to the house. It was times like this that she felt she could forget her concerns and just enjoy the present moment. Whatever came next, she wanted to have as many moments like that as she could.

next chapter

#writeblr #horror romance #gothic #original fiction #rappaccini's daughter

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the-blue-fairie · 5 years ago

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My Overlong Personal Reflection on my Experience with Frozen 2

Reflecting on Frozen 2, I’m understanding once again that my mixed feeling towards it come from my own personal perspective in life coloring where I want these characters to be (something I shouldn’t hold against the film, but I can’t change because my life experiences have shaped who I am) and what I personally perceive as the poor execution of good or at least interesting ideas (again, I’m stressing that this is my perception. I’m not saying that Frozen 2 is objectively poorly executed; in fact, I think there are many aspects it executes incredibly well like many parts of Show Yourself and The Next Right Thing.)

Thanks to my own feelings of loneliness, I prefer stories of broken people who come together and hold together as a family and, to its credit, Frozen 2 still gives me that. In spite of their periods of isolation in the Enchanted Forest, this little family still does work together to save the day. Elsa sends the message to Anna even as she is freezing. Anna seeks to break the dam. Kristoff helps and protects her. Their bonds are clearly stronger than any distance, so what am I frustrated about?

Well, I guess I’m partly frustrated because I see the makings of a great story in Frozen 2 (even in the aspects I might personally disagree with) and, while the finished film was certainly good, I can’t help but think it could have been even better.

If the film wanted to earn its ending better and build a stronger connection between Elsa and the Enchanted Forest, why not show Elsa developing a stronger bond with the Northuldra, learning their customs, appreciating her mother’s people? We only get like, two short scenes with Elsa interacting with the Northuldra before they largely vanish from the movie until the end.

I know, I might be a little biased because I want people of color in the film to have more to do, but I do want characters of color to have more to do.

If the film wanted us to emotionally connect Elsa’s feelings of liberation in the Enchanted Forest with the liberation she felt during Let It Go, why does the movie take every opportunity to make cheap jokes at Let It Go’s expense, conditioning the audience to think more about the cringe factor of Let It Go than the emotional through-line of the two films?

If the film wanted to use the Kristoff/Anna dynamic to explore emotional vulnerabilities that a real couple goes through, then why make so many of their early misunderstandings comedic fodder?

The above are aspects of the film I genuinely think could have been better handled, but there are other aspects of the film that I merely... disagree with based on my personal experiences in life.

Again, I’m not claiming that the aspects I am going to now bring up are bad, just that I can’t connect to them as strongly as some others might. I’m not saying these qualities are objectively lacking in relatability, that would be nonsensical. I’m just trying to explore my own personal feeling and the personal source of conflict within me regarding Frozen 2. I’m glad that so many people can relate to Elsa’s arc. Even I relate to parts of it. On the whole, Show Yourself is a beautiful song.

But when Elsa comes to Ahtohallan and says, “I’m arriving and it feels like I am home,” I don’t feel it.

That definition of “home” is different than the one I have come to understand in my life.

For me, home is with the people you love and who love you. Home is your family, whether your family by blood or the family you create. Memories, remembrances, all the beauties that can be found in Ahtohallan, are things to be cherished - but they look backward more than they look forward. They can help in the creation of a better future, they are not that future itself.

And I can’t relate when the film suggests Elsa has as close a connection with the glacier as with the people she loves. If she was singing among the Northuldra, among this accepting and familial and supportive new community she meets, I could probably accept that better, but she isn’t. The Northuldra, as I’ve harped on before, vanish from the movie before popping up at the end.

Personally, in Frozen 1, I connected most with Elsa’s moments of happiness during the coronation - those moments when she was able to let her walls down and feel joy being among people. Laughing with Anna. Being a playful stinker with the Duke of Weselton. It felt healthy and uplifting after seeing that she spent so many years alone.

And Frozen 2... doesn’t give me that many moments like that, and so it resonates with me less. I know that Elsa is an introvert, I’m an introvert too, but I still yearn for and need human companionship. And I know that Elsa has human companionship with the Northuldra, but the film doesn’t take the time to develop that bond as well as it could.

Instead of showing me Elsa forging new connections with people while at the same time finding the life best fitting her personality, the film gives me a couple all-too-brief scenes of Elsa talking with the Northuldra. (Kristoff actually seems to learn more about life among the Northuldra with Ryder than Elsa does.)

I actually see so much beautiful potential in the ending of Frozen 2. On paper, it seems great. Elsa can broaden her horizons, breathe the free air, has a supportive community around her.

But because the film doesn’t develop her connection with that new community, the ending kind of leaves me cold. I can patch up my issues with the film by writing beautiful stories of Elsa growing more connected to the culture of her mother’s people, I can (and do) happily write Elsamaren stories to flesh out the strongest connection Elsa makes among the Northuldra in canon - but those stories are fanfiction rooted in headcanon, not canon.

(Do so many of my issues boil down to, “Man, I wish the Northuldra had more to do and the Elsamaren shipper in me really wants Honeymaren to have had more screentime!”? Kinda. Again, I’m trying to reflect on my personal experience with Frozen 2 and ponder why I personally feel disconnected with the ending while also feeling strangely connected to it.)

But outside of those fannish wishes, some part of my heart still just... feels more emotional connection to the ending of Frozen 1, at least as it pertains to Elsa. (Let me say here and now that I love Anna’s arc in F2 with all my heart, The Next Right Thing is the best song in the film, and Anna will make a fantastic queen.)

And my personal perspective is all on me. And I don’t want to take anything away from the people who feel just as deep an emotional connection to the ending of Frozen 2.

I have read so many beautiful and resonant analyses of Frozen 2 that have helped me become more comfortable with it, helped me to see beauty where I couldn’t see beauty initially, and I want to thank all those beautiful people whose love for Frozen 2 shines in every beautiful post they make discussing it.

But merely on a personal level for me, the ending of the first Frozen felt so healing. It ended with all these scattered people, who had known such loneliness in life, united as a family. Anna doesn’t have to be alone and she can finally live in the sun. Elsa doesn’t have to be alone and realizes she doesn’t have to fear her people and her people accept her with open arms - and she can truly live. Kristoff’s family expands. And the last shot of everyone happily skating, gates open, feels fulfilling and complete in a way the last shot of Frozen 2 just... doesn’t for me.

Frozen 2 tries to do so much, and I falter between praising its ambition and brooding over its shortcomings. Even the parts I wish could have been handled better are good thematically. While I have reservations with how the film’s comedic treatment of Kristoff and Anna’s “miscommunication” undercuts the earnest effort to reflect on Anna’s experiences with Hans, I’m still glad the film tries to explore Anna’s trauma in some way, and explore Kristoff’s feelings. While I wish the film could have given us more of the Northuldra, I am glad they are there at all. And though the film makes cheap jokes at Let It Go that undermine the emotional through-line of the two movies... well, no I’m still mad at that.

Oh, Frozen 2, you beautiful, complicated, messy film. I wish I could settle on my feelings towards you.

And I know, if you just start skimming this, you might roll your eyes because there have been some bad faith critiques of Frozen 2 out there, but I hope, as you read, that you realize that this confused rambling of mine comes from the heart.

#frozen 2 #frozen #snow sisters #elsa #anna

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lilytcyip · 5 years ago

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December 31st, 2019

1.3 tera v w/ rjin & ggao

1.4 cactus & la foret w/ jng

1.8 talked it out with jng ; tried to understand that if i were happy, what more could you ask for

1.11 cyns bday dinner

1.11 craft beer w/ aleung & lwong

1.13 arisu & standing egg with efeng & aleung ; drove on highway for the first time

1.18 west dineout w/ annie pkp

1.19 glass w/ fifi

2.10 first snow of the year

2.3 cny lunch at home with the fam - tong yuen & poon choi

2.4 mooseknuckles - grateful

2.5 lunar new year

2.16 hangiout with mamayip & sis: beta 5, fixing the parka, meetfresh, miku sushi dindin

2.17 mom leaving for 2 months, wandering earth with the yips

2.19 happy hour cactus w/ fifi

2.20 kokoro lunch & shopping w/ rjin

2.20 so hyang w/ veda & nwu

2.21 black been noodles & tonkatsu lunch & usagi matcha sweets w/ ewong

2.22 green leaf sushi & grounds for coffee w/ vtan

2.25 sushi mura w/ acao ; larry berg planes and kisses for the first time

3.13 mental health talk w/ nwu & tchiu + jamjar

3.15 virtuous pie & nanas green tea w/ rjin

3.16 wine night w/ claw, aleung & fsyal

3.17 tabom & stanely park w/ jerpilla

3.23 pool & rc shopping with jyang

4.3 studying with jyang on campus & langara bye

4.9 studying with jyang at my house

4.18 ramen danbo & official date

4.20 so hyang & off the grid waffles w/ ayip

4.26 sci ning off w/ aleung, claw, fsyal, lwong & mcheung

4.27 clay llama terra pot class

4.29 so hyang budae jjigae & yifang w/ ewong

4.30 rc shopping & sushi lover with the yips

5.1 maenam, kits beach & rain or shiine ice cream w/ rjin

5.2 our first little tiff & being called chubby by mlo

5.3 shopping w/ vchan, aleung & fsyal

5.7-5.11 LA trip

5.8 LACMA & melrose & century city field

5.9 warner bros tour

5.10 malibu

5.28-6.1 hokkaido, japan

5.29 a 2-floor hotel with own onsen

5.31 otaru food adventures

6.1 doraemon painting & royce airport

6.2 macau: got scammed by taxi & lost luggage

6.7-6.15 inner mongolia & beijing

6.18 first co op offer

6.21 fire port party at fifis house

6.29 pottery painting w lwong, aleung, vchan, fsyal

7.5 brunch w/ rjin at jethro’s fine grub, baker & table

7.6 nwu’s birthday dindin at coast, hangout with aleung & nwu at nightingale

7.14 leavenworth cherries

7.17 brunch w/ rjin at OEB

7.19 nightmarket w/ jyang, mlaw, rjin

7.21 beach day w/ aleung, fsyal & lwong; hy’s with fam

7.24 chau veggies w/ acao

7.27 shiok & icy bar w/ ewong

8.3 first day of work at doctors office

8.4 escape room w/ vchan, fsyal & jyang; bowling & anh and chi

8.17 dindin w/ fsyal, aleung & tlim; double date walks at olympic village with ancas

8.18 - 8.19 kelowna

8.18 polar grove & penticton lazy river, mission hill

8.19 kayaking, quail’s gate

8.24 lit night at fifis house with the girls and boys

8.25 aleung’s bday harrison trip

8.27 work shopping & nuba w/ fsyal

8.28 sleepover w/ rjin

8.29 brunch w/ aleung, moii cafe chill with fsyal too

9.3 first day of co op work

9.7 grave of the fireflies & wildtale cuddles

9.14 eric chou meet & greet

9.19 amandarachlee neg comment and posted my encouragement on her story

10.5 maiko parfait & shopping w/ jyang, earls with the amigos

10.18 gmen & oncecake: melody, rillakuma, card & collage

10.24 dark table w/ rjin

11.7 moii after work

12.15 baking custard souffle pancakes w/ ewong

12.18 office christmas party & bbt w/ slim

12.19 glow

12.21 fifi’s christmas party

12.22 christmas market w/ rjin: churros & chimney cake

12.23 psyc team secret santa & mahjong

12.25 christmas dindin at market by jean-georges

12.26 birthday dindin at zeferelli

12.27 ring & birthday dinner at brix and mortar w/ jyang

12.28 skated alone, worked out, baked & dindin at botanist

looking back at it now, i definitely went out a lot more compared to previous years LOL i had some struggles in january, and at multiple points in my life i blamed myself for being ungrateful, for seeking more when i already had so much in life compared to other people. my friends were there for me and i wouldnt have been able to live through it without them. then again, during reading break in february, i got myself into the same hot mess and i was sad about it for a week and i blamed myself for getting so attached so quickly. because of these experiences, my expectations were v low and i didnt really expect anything when i talked to jyang, what they say really is true, you get it the moment you stop seeking for it. it comes and find you (: the 3 most important that happened this year is burbur, co op job & me getting more comfortable around doggs; this is a big deal !! i actually like cuddling dogs and i feel less scared of them as long as i have some time to get used to them!! im proud of myself for making progress with my phobia! after i started my co op job, bc i didnt have a lot to do, i felt like i wasnt actively contributing to my workplace and that i was very useless. i still feel the same way now, but i think i am slowly getting used to it. thankfully, my coworkers are VERY nice and i enjoy working around them. while i did not get a different position for january, im still grateful that i got an extended placement. nonetheless, meeting with the different PIs and sumeet pointed me in the right direction of looking for nserc / volunteering opportunities when i do go back to school. AND ofc burbur! im grateful that we were able to be there for each other for the past 8 months, both the ups and downs and i am so so thankful that we’re understanding and patient with each other, as we help each other learn along the way and help each other become a better version of ourselves. this companionship is better than i have asked for and i always remind myself to focus on the important things rather than the minor inconveniences. this year, in terms of fitness goals, ive been doing really well before asia. but ever since i came back, it all went downhill and i gained back all the weight that i lost this year year LOL so in 2020, one of my biggest goal is to eat healthy again, and workout more consistently. getting a job in sept kinda interfered with my progress too, bc i was so tired after work, even when i wasnt doing anything and i stressed eat bc i felt terrible. a lot of diff factors made me feel super stressed, and the fact that i wasnt eating clean / exercising reguarly made me feel worse about the whole situation ): so in 2020, maintaining a healthy lifestyle will be one of my top priorities and gifting myself a healthy body is one of greatest things i can do for myself. this also contributed to the lack of journalling near the end of the year, it felt like bc i wasnt doing the things i was “supposed to do”, i just felt so bad whenever i couldnt tick off that particular habit whenever i fill in my trackers. but tonight, i watched this video and it talked about habits should be for awareness, not for self-hate or self-loathing. this is something that i need to keep in mind. ever since april really, the issue of leaving my house and meeting up with my friends have always stressed me in fear of dealing with passive aggressiveness with my mom lool everytime i get inviited to plans, i just get anxiety about having to tell her about it LOL and even when im out, having a msg/ call for her freaks me out in fear that she will get mad at me for being home late and etc and fifi really woke me up with her words, i should just care less LOL i need to stop caring so much about what she thinks, bc at the end of the day, this IS my life and if i never make any changes, i will never be able to grow and be independent. i think this pree much sums up all my events and emotions in 2019, the last year of the 2010s. in the next decade, a lot of things will happen as i will be in my 20s - 30s, where new opportunities will arise, and graduate uni, do my masters, find a job, maybe even marry and move out LOL the 2020s will definitely be an impt decade, but just for next year i want to:

1. understand that i am old enough to make choices, and in general, care less about what she thinks

2. at the same time, i want to appreciate and be grateful for what my mom, dad and annie have done for me; a lot of the times, i feel like i take them for granted just bc i know they will always be there for me and this is not how you should treat your biggest supporters

3. trust that everything will workout in the end, while you may not be able to envision what you career / life would be like when youre 30, you can definitely take small steps and move towards your goal

4. be mindful of what i eat and exercise regularly (4x hiit & cardio a week) ; treats & sweets in moderation; use those habit trackers for awareness, not for self-loathing / self-hate

5. create art regularly, read more and at least do 5 duolingos every week!

every year, time just seems to go by faster and faster and i feel scared at times. as i type this, theres only 8 minutes left of this decade LOL so in 2020, continue to live in the moment, be present, cherish those that are around you, and have faith that everything will come together, one piece at a time. at the same time, always rmb that you can make small changes to be a better version of yourself, whenever & however you want and this is the 1 thing that other people can’t stop you from doing!

#diary #personal #thoughts #last post of 2019

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gloss-glass-ash · 6 years ago

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Blue Christmas

Requested: nope

Summary: sad Christmas stuff that ends up happy

TW: Ashton's contains unspecified family drama, Cal’s lonely and cashton is real, Luke's mentions infertility, and Mikey's has S.A.D.

Tags: @cal-pal-cuddles

Ashton: Dating Ashton, Loving Ashton was everything you had ever wanted and more. The man had the softest soul and kindest eyes and warmest smile. He was the man of your dreams, the only one you'd ever be with forever.

All that mushy stuff aside, the relationship was fairly new. You were approaching your 1 year, sure, but this was the first holiday season and there were things you didn't tell him. He didn't question you not going home for Thanksgiving ("I'm thankful for you, I want to be with you love, you just got home") but he assumed that you were going to be with your family.

So he didn't mention how desperately he wanted to take you to Australia. He just pouted to himself as he packed and wrapped presents. You joined him, holding the bow in place as he tied each package for his family. "Your mom's going to love that sweater Ash."

He tossed the stray curls away with a smile. "I'm a great gift giver, baby." He paused for a moment. "When's your flight?"

The way your eyes cast away didn't go unnoticed. "Um, about that." Fuzzy socked feet shifted on the bed. "I was just going to finish moving stuff from my apartment."

Ashton tossed his next present aside with a thunk. "What?"

"Or I'll just stay at my place, I get that it'd be weird for me to be here when you're not. No worries, I'm sor-"

His palms cradled your face for a moment, fondness and concern equal in his eyes. "Silly girl, of course you can be here when I'm not, that's the point of moving in." His nose bumped yours. "No, what I'm concerned about is you not going home and not telling me."

With a dramatic sigh and dismissive hand gesture, you crawled into his lap. "Family drama makes the holiday so stressful it's hard to be festive, let alone remember what it's all about."

Ashton hummed softly, stroking your hair. "Anything else?"

"Home is with you, I know it's early, but it's with you."

With a sneaky grin, Ashton pulled a small present from the pile. "Guess it's a good thing I got another ticket to Sydney then."

Calum: With a Scrooge like sigh, Calum rubbed at his eyes and drew a breath. He wasn't miserly and he certainly wasn't greedy. He was just a little, or lot, of lonely and this time of year certainly didn't help much. Sure, he'd gone back home to spend time with his family and loved every moment, but he was back in the states, it was cold, and it was Christmas.

Duke rested near his thighs, watching intently as his favorite person sulked. Calum brushed a hand through the thick fur of his pup and let out yet another sigh. "What do ya think, Duke? Should I go?"

Duke merely whined and thumped his tail. "I don't want to seem clingy or whatever...but then again..."

Grabbing his keys, he checked his hair in the hall mirror and blew Duke a kiss. He decided to walk, knowing he'd drink and just spend the night anyways. The temptation of a cigarette called to him but he shook it off thinking of the warmth of the house that awaited him.

The house was decorated like in the movies with lights hanging everywhere and a lovely tree in the window. He rung the doorbell and was quickly ushered inside by Ashton. "I'm so glad you came, mate!"

"It's not too late?" He stuffed his hands in the pockets of a worn leather jacket. Ashton shook his head, pulling him into a hug.

"It's only me and the missus, never to late for you." Ashton let his touch linger a little longer and pressed a kiss to Calum's cheek. "Y/N's in the kitchen icing cookies if you want to join us."

And he did, he really truly did. Calum felt at peace in this house with you and Ashton. He knew he shouldn't feel this way about you and Ashton, but damn it he loved you two. He hugged you from behind, chin resting on your shoulder as you iced a gingerbread man.

Ashton kept an eye on his loves as he poured each person a glass of wine and set the table. "When my little elves are done being extra adorable, come join me and eat."

With an eager twinkle in his eyes, Calum settled in for Christmas dinner with you and Ashton feeling, at least for now, peaceful with the world.

Luke: Mass had just let out when you approached the prayer alter. Others joined you on the pews building up the serve to go light a candle and say a prayer. You found some comfort, however simple, in being surrounded by others. After watching a particularly charming child go light a candle, you drew a breath to go pray.

Without turning around, you could feel Luke's eyes on you. He stood by the doors of the cathedral with one of the nuns. His own soul was heavy, eyes watering. "Forgive me for not wanting to hear the usual about timing and all that."

The sister offered a sad smile and squeeze of the hand. "Do not lose faith in your family, Luke. You and Y/N are filled with so much love, God knows that, and God won't let that love go away."

"It's hurts, watching her with children because she's so good with them and it hurts when we try over and over, and it hurts when my mom asks if we're expecting." His tears were wiped away by Sister June's hand.

"No one said that love and faith doesn't hurt, it is a struggle against sin. Sin might feel better on the soul in the moment, but love will last an eternity."

Luke dried his eyes and joined you. His hand slipped in yours, curls tickling your skin as he rested his head on yours. He matched your words and mimicked your cross before leaving. "Same prayer?" He dared to ask as you both left the church and walked toward his car.

"No," you bit your lip and close your eyes, "I just asked that every child has a nice Christmas and is loved and happy and healthy and fed. If we aren't meant to have one, then at least we can help care for the world's."

Luke turned on the radio and let a sob pass as a cough.

Things got worse before they got better. The doctor's appointment didn't go as hoped and your sister was pregnant. You didn't leave the house for two days. Luke stayed in bed with you, holding you closer to his heart than he ever had before.You both cried until the tears hurt to fall, showered, and called the adoption agency.

A Christmas Miracle was needed, and the funny thing about those is they tend to happen when it's least expected, whether by an act of a god or sheer magic of the season. You were at dinner with his parents, skating around the topic of children when Luke's phone rang. He glanced at the number, squeezed your hand, and left the room.

"Congratulations Mr. Hemmings, the application submitted by you and your wife has been approved." His heart stopped, a joyful laugh bubbling it's way out.

He ran back to the dining room and pulled you to him. "It's happening! It's happening, we're going to be parents!!"

Michael: When you checked the forecast, you felt sick. Snow, icy temperatures, less daylight, no sunlight, you couldn't stand it. Waking up in the winter drained you. You isolated yourself from everyone and everything. All the things you enjoyed were gone with the arrival of cold days, colder nights, and too many people out shopping.

Bundled in a blanket, you trudged downstairs anti-depressant in hand. Michael was already snuggled in the breakfast nook looking every bit as adorable as ever. He watched you take your medication and offered his arms for a snuggle.

"I might be the dumbest boyfriend ever." His voice was still scratchy with sleep.

"What do you mean?" Were you really sleepy or was it the depression or the med? Regardless, you snuggled close to him.

"My family is in Australia, we should go spend some time down there."

"Mike I love you, but what's the point?"

His gave your nose a playful nibble, "The point is that winter causes you seasonal affective disorder right? So let's just go where it's not winter!"

You wanted to call him out on his idea, say it was silly or whatever but you couldn't find one single reason to. "I don't know, will it work?"

He shrugged in his usual careless manner, "Hell if I know, but it's worth trying. It'll be warm and sunny and we can finally have Christmas with my family instead of face timing my mom Christmas morning."

He had you there. If it helped you feel even a fraction better, it was worth it. If going to Sydney didn't do shit for your mental health, at least you'd be with family and Michael could spend Christmas at home.

"You're going to have to book the flight, I'm too tired to."

With a soft kiss and pat on the head, Michael grinned. "I booked it week ago. Just thought I'd surprise you with an early Christmas gift!" His green eyes twinkled and you smiled just a little.

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riseball33 · 5 years ago

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The Dark Knight of the Soul (p.3)

So school was school, every day was the routine of getting there, staying healthy, trying to keep up, and doing individual and team assignments. I had a meltdown I think during every team assignment. It felt as though things weren’t going right, it’s hard to even remember now. But one thing I’ll never forget was the energy, the intensity, the urgency of my situation.

It was as though my mind had a goal, but didn’t believe it could achieve it for some reason, and it ran as fast as it could. This result in a panic attack of a sort, I’m not sure what you’d call it, but I couldn’t concentrate until I dealt with it. Needless to say and these parts of myself I am not proud of. I had the equivalent of an adult temper tantrum, a fit, there was a lot of different emotions from fear, to panic that went with their associative thoughts. There was anger and excuses why I couldn’t do this and how the world was conspiring against me. And what I simply did was allow it all to flow, to happen, to get it out. You see this was very necessary and I knew it. I may not have liked it very much or even a little, but I’ll say one thing, I felt better afterwards. Once it was done, and surprisingly once I let it out, there was a huge relief, a weight had been lifted and I was able to focus and concentrate again.

I must have done something right too because I didn’t have the most experience as some of my classmates but I wanted to try this time. The first time I went to school I was lazy, and I skated by with mediocre passing grades. This time I wanted to see if I had it, to see what I was capable of. But I payed a price, and so did my wife and daughter. I wasn’t the most pleasant to be around because I was feeling the pressure to succeed. And some of my instructors were not always giving me their best and I did not like that one bit. I felt like they were not helping me, or were somehow contributing to my situation. A situation that I wasn’t happy with.

I think one of the hardest teats for me was the team assignments. It was the presentations that I dreaded, mainly because of who I believed I was my whole life. That I was too shy, to quiet, I would mumble, etc. I still pushed through though, if this journey has toughened me or tought me anxiety... I mean if it has tought me anything is perseverance. I may not have liked my situation and was angry to be there and upset my wife was struggling too and somehow she was supposed to be strong while I did this, or something.

It really doesn’t matter, because a lot of that is just the bullshit that was inside my head that was replaying a bunch of crap. Bad thoughts, memories, things I believed, believed I was, or what I was only capable of. It’s so true that you can reach for the stars and believe yourself to be anything you can dream of. However, you first need to do the work and clean out the crap, the negative thoughts, whatever it may be. For me my thoughts were a big one, and I realized one day that the amount of time and energy I put into certain thoughts was directly proportionate to my life and how it was, in my eyes.

You see it’s also about perception, if you think you can’t, you won’t. If you think you can, you will. Better yet, be open to improving your perception in the meantime until you figure things out and follow your intuition and ask for help. That’s a big one, and faith, faith in you are gonna make, faith you are good enough, faith you deserve it, faith, the real, genuine, universal faith that doesn’t come from a religion or something or someone else, but comes from you. That’s it, it’s you that has all the answers to your problems, I know most of you don’t want to hear it, because I didn’t either, but it’s true. And the truth is really fucking hard to hear sometimes. And it’s actually really hard to be truthful to yourself sometimes too, and that’s okay. What is important is when you are at that place when you are ready, ready for change, all you gotta do is ask for it. Trust me, say it out loud, talk to people about it, don’t just leave it in your head where those devilish thoughts will try to snuff it out. Commit to it even just a bit and you’re going to be surprised where it’ll take you. Hopefully it won’t be too painful along the way, but more importantly, it’s change that will take you to a place you want to be...

In peace to you all :)

#me #dark knight #perserverance #advice #inspiration #thoughts #mind

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deliverydefresas · 7 years ago

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we know the start, we know the end, masters of the scene

here you have it my friends, part 3. shout out to my baked goods for helping me in this long and boring process xD

1 | 2

AU: Matteo Balsano is a famous singer who has been crushing on this one girl he saw every day behind a window many years ago, back when he first started recording his debut album and inspired his first big hit, “Princesa”. Luna Valente, professional Olympic skater turned actress is at a local (and very popular) talk show to promote her breakout movie. This is where it all starts.

BENSON VS SMITH: LOVE RIVALS?

After a couple of weeks of the stars of SHATTERED WINGS being photographed together with Matteo Balsano in what appeared to be a heated discussion, sources to the off and on couple conformed by Smith and Balsano, confirm it was all caused by Smith’s jealousy.

The actress was apparently ‘incredibly upset’ when she learnt what had really happened in JA JAZMIN’s dressing room minutes prior to their cast interview in the show, more so after in said interview Mexico’s ‘Little Sun’ hinted the incident to its international audience.

However, as their promotional tour around the globe for their very acclaimed movie continues, the duo has done nothing but deny all rumors regarding their rivalry; with Smith going as far as calling Balsano ‘an idiot I wouldn’t fight over for’. Benson affirms it’s a matter taken out of context by the fans and media.

The SHATTERED WINGS stars are set to return to the city after two months on the road two days from now, bringing home numerous ticket records from all around the world, as well as the critic’s overruling acceptance.

For more scoop on these three, click here!

Had it really been two months?

They hadn’t even able to finish their conversation, much less his apology from coming off as a creep. Now it’d been two months, and probably wouldn’t have the chance to see her again. Ámbar had warned him she’d kick his balls if he even dared to ask about her when she came back, and his relationship with Simón was anything but close to ask such manner.

Basically, he’d be stuck in her mind as a creepy memory. He didn’t like it, but he might as well accept it until he found a way to clear the water; not only for her sake, but for his too.

“You keep track of the media, now? We have a PR team for that, y’know?” his manager asked from over his shoulder, not missing the open article on his phone.

“I’m not. It was just a suggested article, that’s all.”

“Suggested means you’ve read articles like that one more than once.” Delfi arched her brow, questioning him while she sat on the chair next to his. Maybe citing her in his apartment wasn’t a good idea, he had no way to evade her questions in his own home.

“Maybe Gastón has.”

“From your phone?” He didn’t have an answer for that. “Hey, it’s okay, I’m not judging you. There’s nothing wrong with keeping personal tabs about what the world has to say about you. Just don’t get too fixated on with it, it’s not healthy.”

“It’s not even an article about myself.” He admitted. There were no secrets between them, and he’d learnt that the cleanest they were between each other, the less problematic it’d get when it came to talk about and planning his career moves. Plus, Delfina knew how to keep everything confidential, which was the reason he’d chosen to take Ámbar’s advice so many years ago when she suggested Delfi to work with.

“Let me guess, this is about the Sol girl?”

“Luna.” He corrected quickly, not even realizing he’d done it until Delfi gave him ‘the look’. She didn’t comment on it, though.

“Luna, right. What worries you in that matter? You were the one who told me not to release any statement.”

“I guess I just – I don’t know, she’s new to this world.”

“Are you worried she can’t handle it? I wouldn’t, I know her team, she’s in good hands. And from what Pedro has told me, Simón warned her about everything that’d come her way, so she wouldn’t walk in blind.”

He’d forgotten she was seeing Simón’s best friend. “Still, I haven’t apologized yet.”

“Is this the reason of your writing block?” she asked suspiciously, folding her arms. Her tone wasn’t accusative, nor was her face annoyed, but he still felt bad it was that noticeable.

“Is it that obvious?”

“You’re not subtle, buddy, but don’t worry because no one else has noticed.” Yet. “You got time, the deadline isn’t for another year, there’s no pressure from the label.”

“But?” he knew better than to think there wasn’t one.

“But you know post-production is long AF, and your perfectionist ass will drag it as much as your brain can… if you don’t hurry with the base songs it’ll only make it longer.”

He groaned lowly, “I know.”

“I’m going now. I’ll call you tomorrow to schedule another time, okay?” She told him as she stood from her seat to grab her purse. Their meeting had gone nowhere, but then again, he had no progress in his songwriting and he was on a break until his next album released, so there wasn’t much to discuss to begin with. “I’d advise you to go and try to find yourself a muse, though.”

“Yeah, I’ll-” Wait. A muse. He needed to find his muse. Matteo called for her before she could get out of the apartment, startling the even more confused girl.

“I need you to help me find her.”

“Are you excited to be back?”

“Aren’t you excited to be back? This is huge for you Nina!” she told her friend excitedly, holding onto her arm while they walked through the airport to wait for Simón, who was picking them up. “A new book! That’s not an everyday thing!”

“It’s just a photography book, Luna. Not a big deal.”

“Just? What have I told you of selling yourself short? The book and the quotes are beautiful and it’s definitely a big deal!”

Nina beamed at her, “thank you. I’m nervous, what if people don’t like it as much as the others? I would die if it flops, or if they question why I’m even still coming out with these.”

“Nonsense! Felicity’s fans are loyal, and they’ll love your work no matter what, have more faith in them!” she bumped her shoulder against her lightly.

“You never answered me.”

“About what?”

It was Nina’s turn to bump her shoulder. “I asked you if you were excited.”

“I’m so happy I’ll finally be in my bed again. I hate sleeping in unfamiliar places.”

“You got to sleep on your house in México, though.”

“I almost didn’t leave.” She admitted with a giggle.

Both fell into a comfortable silence afterwards, in no hurry to keep the conversation flowing. Travelling together, living together, and knowing each other after so many years made it easy to stay in silence without it being awkward. Simón joked all the time that they were a married couple, and the only thing they needed now was a dog (mostly because he wanted one, too), and Luna could swear they’d have one already if it weren’t for Nina being strongly allergic to pets.

That, and that their time was mostly spent travelling between competitions and cool places for Nina to take photographs for her blog or her books.

She sighed silently when she remembered the competitions. Now that her ties with the movie were almost over, she needed to get her thoughts straight and decide what she was going to do next. Will she be able to compete again after the break? Did she even want to? Everyone had warned her already that everything in the skating community would change for her after this. More exposure usually meant double the pressure; and she wasn’t sure it’d sit well with her. She skated because she loved to, not because she wanted to be the best, or have everyone thinking she was. Juliana had told her that was why she fought so hard for her to play her in her movie, why she reminded her of herself.

But, did she want to change her career? She loved the experience of acting, loved how fun it was to pretend to be someone else for a while every day, but she didn’t love it the way she’d seen Ámbar do it. For the blonde, you could see, hear, feel how much she loved what she did. The girl poured everything into what she did, and she succeed marvelously. The thing all critics agreed on from all over the continents was exactly that: Luna glowed the most when she was skating, and when she spoke about how much the sport meant for her; yet, Ámbar shone in all of hers because she made you believe them, which made up for her lack of experience in the sport.

So, now she had to pick what exactly to do. If she wanted to go to the next Olympics she’d have to start her training as soon as possible, even if she was on a technical ‘break’.

“What are you thinking so hard about?”

“Huh?”

Nina smiled, “you seemed to be lost – even more than usual- in your thoughts. What’s up?”

“Nothing, just… the future, I guess.” She sighed again. Luckily, her friend knew her better than anyone and gave her a short, but strong, hug.

“You still have some time to think about it, don’t go crazy.”

“Time flies, though.”

“Aren’t you the first to say time isn’t real?” Nina joked, mocking her accent a little.

“I don’t speak like that!”

Both laughed, ignoring the annoyed looks some – probably jetlagged- people threw their way.

“But, for real, Luna, you don’t even have to choose between the two. You can always pick something else; some people will be disappointed, yes, but it’s your choice. Do what makes you happy.”

“What would I do without you, Watson?” she half joked, half seriously questioned. Nina beamed at her once more.

“The same thing I’d be without you – be my less great self.”

“True that.” Luna pretended to cheer with her imaginary cup, her friend being quick to follow her suit. “Now, call Simon. He’s late and Felicity can’t be late for her own book release.”

“Aye, aye, capt’n!”

He wasn’t going to lie, he was nervous. (He also could almost hear Gastón’s voice in his head correcting him to nervous-wreck – he kinda agreed).

Delfi, bless her, hadn’t even bait an eye when he asked her to ask Pedro about Luna’s possible whereabouts in the city. He felt like a total stalker, so he ruled out her house and the rink she skated at, as well as the gym and Simón’s apartment. Thankfully, Delfi was able to get him last-minute invitations to an event she was going to be at.

Originally, he’d thought about going solo, so the possible – or most likely, probable- embarrassments would be for him only to know. However, as soon as Gastón heard the event was Felicity For Now’s newest book launch he’d made him ask Delfi for a plus one pass (God forbid his friend asked his ex for a favor). And, since Pedro was apparently a close friend to Felicity herself, she tagged along too. She was a lot more considerate than Gastón, though, because she promised not to cross him while his ‘apology’ took place.

“I can’t believe we’re going to see Felicity’s real identity.” Gastón gushed beside him, now at the party, careful to keep his tone low. Not because he didn’t want to embarrass him, but himself.

“Calm down, fanboy. We still have the whole party to look forward to.”

Matteo, on his own, was more worried about making himself look like a fool. He knew he’d already stood out – his black suit was a lot more formal than everyone else’s semi-formal attire- but if that wasn’t enough, the way he kept glancing around like a lost puppy made more than person stare at him for a moment.

He was too concentrated on finding her on the crowd.

Not that the crowd was too big – it was rather small, actually- but still, he didn’t want to miss her; if she was there at all.

“Do you know how long I’ve wondered who she was or how she looked like? Years! I’ll finally put a face to the character!”

“Character? I thought her book was consisted only of pictures.”

“Well, yeah. They’re pictures but they’re ordered in a sequence that tells you about her life and short quotes to help you understand the concept. It’s like a photographic journal of herself.”

“Yet she never shows her face?”

“Nope, it’s always shadowed or blurred out.” Gastón sounded bummed out by this. He must’ve really been wondering about this mystery girl longer that he knew about. Matteo felt almost bad he wasn’t aware of this, even if his best friend never really told him about his fanboy life.

He palmed his back lightly, “cheer up, bud. Tonight’s your night.”

“Matteo, Gastón!” he knew that voice. When he turned to the direction of the call, he wasn’t surprised to see Simón. Matteo should’ve figured out that if not only Luna, but Pedro were here, then he would too.

“Hi, man.”

The guitarist threw him a smile. “What a surprise! I’ve never seen you two in events like these before.”

“Yeah, well, Gastón here is a big fan of hers.” He pointed to his friend, “and I was free from songwriting, so I came too.”

“How’s that coming along? Wrote another hit yet?”

Matteo grimaced slightly, “I’m blocked, so no. How’s your album?”

“Ouch, man, that sucks.” Simón patted his shoulder sympathetically, “we’re still editing ours out, gotta choose the right songs before we pass the final demo.”

That brought back memories. Hadn’t they been in the same exact situation six years ago, the same day he saw her for the first time? He, staring on a blank music sheet, desperately trying to find inspiration for his debut album, while Simón – and her- were on the room across listening and trying to choose which tracks to pass?

He mentally sighed. Everyone was right, he was a creep.

Simón must’ve not noticed his momentary train to his memories, because he continued talking, “- she’s not here yet, if she’s the one you’ve been looking for the past hour. Felicity is arriving with her.”

“Who?”

The guitarist was amused. “Luna. She’s arriving with Felicity in ten minutes.” His heart almost busted with this information. However, when he realized what Simón was probably thinking, he went into denying mode.

“Oh- no, no, no. I wasn’t- I didn’t- she’s not why-” Simón laughed.

“Don’t worry, man, Delfi explained to us you came to apologize to her for the headlines. It’s chill.”

He was so firing her for this (no, he wasn’t). “She did?”

“Getting last-minute invitations for this is hard, if not impossible. Especially since Ni- Felicity handpicks her guests for privacy reasons.”

“I didn’t know Delfi was that close with her.”

“She’s not, Pedro is. I gave my five cents in your favor, too.”

“Thank you.” He meant it. Simón just patted his shoulder once more and reminded him of the time, pointing to the entrance before leaving to mingle with other guests. A question popped in his head, “are they always late?”

Gastón, who’d remained quiet during his exchange with Simón, chuckled, “you really went to la la lunaland, didn’t you?” Matteo flipped him off, “Simón said he was late to pick them up at the airport, so they went behind schedule because of this.”

His friend went quiet after this, anxiously waiting for the main door to open. Matteo sipped on his forgotten drink, trying to calm his own nerves. Five minutes later, it happened.

The door opened, and in came Luna and her friend – Felicity, as his friend had mumbled beside him, smiling and hugging everyone that came to greet them. He noticed how Luna would fall a couple steps back from the photographer, letting her take all the attention.

He wanted to go there and say hi, he really did, but it was as if he was glued to his spot. Watching her laugh, smile, and talk to others from afar was the sight he was used to, and to get closer, on his own (Gastón had fled to Felicity as soon as she’d entered) was something he wasn’t sure he was ready for.

Just jail him already, really. His creepiness was scaring him too.

In the end, he waited until the whole book introduction was made, the food was eaten, drinks were drunk, to go ask her for a minute (or twenty). When she saw him, he could see she was taken aback; no one had told her he’d be there, however, she still smiled at him.

“Hi.” Gosh, was he lame.

“Hi!” she managed to sound somewhat excited to see him. Surprising, really.

“Do you think I could steal you for a couple minutes? I still haven’t apologized.” He got closer, being careful not to step into her personal bubble, and offered her his hand.

She didn’t even hesitate to take it, leading him to a quiet place to talk. They ended up in the terrace, sitting down on a bench near a lit – and warm- candle arrangement.

He wasn’t sure how to begin his apology. Should he just say sorry? Should he explain why he knew her? Why he knew she liked to be called Luna instead of Sol? Should he pretend he was star-struck that day?

“I’m sorry.”

That wasn’t his voice speaking for him.

“What?”

Luna sighed quietly, posing her bright green eyes on his own, “I know it’s my fault our names – and Ámbar’s- have been on the headlines lately. I’m sorry I put you in this situation, it must be very annoying, since you’re on your break from it.”

He shook his head, “no, no, no, no. It’s my fault. I was the one who dragged Ámbar with me and the only one who should be apologizing for my actions the night we met.” He didn’t add that his creepiness was an on-going thing, “you have nothing to apologize for. It’s all on me.”

Her face scrunched up. It was cute. “I was the one who answered wrongly with Jazmín. Had I not, the media would have no idea, or perhaps would write a different story.”

“That’s on Jazmín, not on you, Luna. She lives for making other people gossip about their lives.”

“Still, I feel bad and I apologize for it.”

Matteo sighed, “I told you, you have no reason to do so. I, on the other hand, am sorry I came off like I did. I just, well, you remind me of someone I met many years ago.”

She smiled, “do I?”

“Yeah. She was just as tiny and pocket-sized.”

“Okay, now you’re pulling my leg.” Luna laughed, her bright eyes shinning even more as the laughter reached them.

“Jokes aside, I’m sorry I made you feel uncomfortable.” Her smile remained.

“Apology accepted; but only if you accept mine.”

“Oh, but I can’t do that. Such a beautiful miss like yourself shouldn’t be apologizing for nothing.” He could see her compliment affected her in the light pink shade that now covered her cheeks, “besides, you seem to be forgetting I’ve been on the headlines longer than you. This is nothing, really.”

“But you’re on a break.”

He sighed, “yes, but like it or not it’s still publicity. It helps me stick around for a little longer.”

“So, you don’t mind being in the headlines even if they’re lies?”

“They have an image of me already; it’s not a lie, and it’s not a truth, but it’s still a part of who I am.” He had confused her now, he knew it. The small frown was proof of it. “If you choose to stick in this job you’ll understand.”

“I’m not sure I will.”

He guessed so. “Going for another gold, then?”

“Not sure of that, either.” That surprised him. Partly because he was sure she’d stick to skating, and partly because he couldn’t believe she was being this open. There was a reason he spoke in riddles sometimes, just like Ámbar, Simón, or literally any ‘famous’ person he knew. Privacy, and sometimes inner thoughts had to remain for close and trusty people only.

She’d just admitted something he knew she’d been avoiding in every interview he’d watched of her, and she’d done it freely. Was she this open always? Or did he give her the vibe that he could be trusted? Maybe she didn’t think it was as big of a deal as he did?

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I still have time, though. Not a lot, but there’s some.”

“There’s no bad in what makes you happy. I’d go for that.”

“Is that why you chose music? Because it makes you happy?” she questioned him, sincerely curious. He nodded.

“It’s the only constant thing that has made me happy since I was a kid. I fought hard for it, and I’m lucky it’s worked out this well.”

“Hmmm.”

“I’m glad I bore you.” He joked, when she seemed to be lost in her contemplating after a moment in silence. She laughed, shaking her head and making a couple ringlets fall around her neck.

“You don’t. You’re actually a quite good companion, I’d like to keep you as a friend.” She shot him a quick smile, “creepiness aside, you’re pretty cool.”

His heart did a flip. “Friends, huh?”

Luna offered her hand, beaming. “Friends.”

#lutteo #soy luna #matteo balsano #luna valente #my sl ff #mine #my lutteo ff #not proofread as usual lmao

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newstfionline · 7 years ago

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Off the slopes, Olympians look up and out for a larger cause

Christa Case Bryant, CS Monitor, February 13, 2018

PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA--Olympic gold-medalist snowboarder Kelly Clark was standing in a lift line when she felt a tug on her sleeve.

Chloe Kim, then age 8, had spotted her snowboarding hero and was asking to ride up together.

Clark said sure.

Today Kim won her own Olympic gold. And Clark was there to see it--because she is still competing.

When Clark stood at the top of the pipe on the third and final run today, she was up against not only the best snowboarders from other countries but also her own legacy: the strength of the US women’s halfpipe team, which she has helped to mentor. Her teammates--some just half her age--have pushed her to reach greater heights, but they’ve also become some of her toughest competitors.

Indeed, it was another young American, Arielle Gold, who edged Clark out of a medal with an outstanding final run.

“Kelly is a huge part of why I’m here today and that’s what was bittersweet today, about it being between Kell and I for that third spot,” said Gold, who captured bronze behind China’s Liu Jiayu. “But she’s always been a huge inspiration to me throughout my career, always been looking out for me every step of the way whenever I needed it.”

So while Clark wasn’t on the podium today, she had her footprint all over it.

“Kelly has defined the sport of women’s snowboarding through her pursuit of personal growth and self–awareness,” says Rick Bower, the head halfpipe coach, who has coached Clark for 15 years.

Despite her clear disappointment at not winning a medal in her fifth and possibly final Olympics Games, Clark was gracious even in defeat.

“I’ve had one of the most wonderful, successful snowboarding careers anyone could ever hope for, and I take great joy in seeing these young women succeed,” said Clark after her final run. “Where I finish, they get to start.”

Since winning gold in 2002, Clark has dramatically redefined how she thinks about success. And that stems in part from seeking a deeper purpose or sense of fulfillment that goes beyond medals--something a number of athletes at these Games have done through embracing causes, goals, or relationships beyond their immediate performance objectives, looking outward and upward.

While Olympians’ intense focus and self-sacrifice is key to reaching the highest levels of their sport, it can also lead to a self-centeredness.

“Being an athlete is pretty selfish sometimes, and about me and my schedule, and from time to time I take a step back and realize how blessed I am and try to find ways to give back,” says slopestyle snowboarder Jamie Anderson, who won gold yesterday. Growing up in a large family, where hand-me-downs were the norm, she appreciates how hard it is for young athletes to get the equipment and travel opportunities they need to progress--and started a foundation to help.

“Being able to run my charity and help kids who want to get into sports and may not have the financial accessibility is such a privilege because I know how expensive life is, and I know it’s really hard for parents,” she says.

“Even if they’re little things, like … flying the kids out to Nationals [Championships] … that’s so fun and something I really needed help with when I was kid,” she adds.

Biathlete Susan Dunklee is part of the Craftsbury Green Racing Project in northern Vermont, which provides elite-level skiers and rowers with housing, meals, health insurance, and coaching. In exchange, the program requires them to help out around Craftsbury Outdoor Center and the surrounding community--with a particular focus on sustainability. Past skier work projects include producing local food on the property and analyzing heating systems. Dunklee, who last winter became the first American woman in history to medal at a biathlon World Championships, says the program has provided a community and sense of purpose beyond her daily training and competition goals.

US Ski and Snowboard, recognizing the value of such perspective, has started offering summer trips to Tijuana, Mexico. Athletes build a home for local residents through Hope Sports, a nonprofit founded by former Olympic cyclist Guy East.

“It’s one of those trips that every athlete should go on because it really humbles you,” says Devin Logan, a freestyle skier who has participated in the trip during two of the past three summers. Seeing “this family that doesn’t even have a foundation on their house … it’s just like, ‘How are they getting through?’

“It’s a short trip--you build a house in two days, but it stays with you.… The next year, you can have those down days but you’re like, I’m out skiing, I’m in Switzerland. I had a rough day, I crashed, but I can still walk, I can still talk, I’m healthy, I have a home to go back to--it’s the little things that I feel so much more grateful for,” she says.

“It’s not all about gold medals and winning--it’s about being a good person and being appreciative of what you have.”

Other athletes cite religious faith as helping to ground them and give them a sense of purpose beyond medals.

If it weren’t for that, pairs figure skater Alexa Scimeca Knierim says, she never would have been able to come back from a long illness to win US Nationals with her husband, Chris Knierim, and be named to the Olympic team.

“I was so sick and didn’t really know where things would be going for me, whether [in] skating or life in general. So I finally just threw my hands up and said, You lead the way,” said Knierim, who won bronze in the figure skating team event. “Even here at the Games, it’s no longer about me…. I’m treating this competition [as a way] to glorify God.”

Clark, the snowboarder, also credits her faith as crucial to finding fulfillment in her career. After winning gold in 2002 as an 18-year-old, she felt strangely empty, which prompted her to search for a greater purpose.

“It is a noticeable shift for all of us who knew her,” Mr. Bower says of her faith. “She doesn’t flaunt it. She’s not judgmental, not obnoxious about going to find Jesus.”

But it’s part of what has grounded her as she has helped to build up the team--and her teammates.

“I think anyone who is in a leadership position, whether it’s sports or business, you want to create a culture that you can step back from and there’s no hole,” said Clark. “I would never take credit for how wonderfully talented these women are, but I feel like women’s snowboarding is in great hands.”

#Kelly Clark #Olympians #helping others

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yuriyuu · 7 years ago

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Milabek for ( 9 ) ?

9) things you said when I was crying

Otabek commends himself for his tenacity, for his stoic persona he’s cultivated over the years. He’s Kazakhstan’s pride and joy, and the day he lets them down is the day he puts up his skates for good.

Right now, he fears that day may come sooner than he’s ready for, sooner than he’s willing to admit.

It’s a bad day at practice. For whatever reason, he can’t land his jumps, his body isn’t cooperating, and whatever elegance and grace he’s supposed to have seems to have been replaced with horrendous awkwardness. With competition season looming over his shoulder, the weight of his failures hit him hard. Irritation runs through his body, and he makes the unfortunate mistake of snapping at his coach over a well intentioned is everything alright?

“Take the rest of the day off,” they tell him afterward, “You’re not in the right mind to get anything done today. Rest, and tomorrow we’ll start again.”

“But…!” He begins to protest. Doesn’t his coach understand he can’t take a break? He has to practice, he has to work harder than everyone else, he has to make his parents proud, his country proud.

His coach will have none of that, however, and they send him on his way.

Otabek spends his trip home mulling in deep dejection, the weight of the world on his shoulders. He’s always been painfully aware of his shortcomings, his inadequacies compared to the other skaters, and right now, it hits him hard. He wants to place, has to place.

He enters his apartment, and is immediately greeted with the sight of Mila lounging on his couch, watching Russian dramas on TV and eating all of his vanilla ice cream straight out of the pint. Right. It’s her day off today, so of course she’d want to come over and spend time with him. He doesn’t mind the fact she shows up uninvited, no, in fact that’s why he gave her a set of keys to his apartment, but today, he wishes she’d leave. He doesn’t want to see anyone today, not like this.

Still, when she looks at him like a puppy seeing their owner after being alone all day, Otabek knows he can’t kick her out, he doesn’t have the heart too.

“Oh! You’re home early!” Mila says. Otabek doesn’t know if it’s women’s intuition or what, but immediately afterward her face melts into concern and she asks, “Is everything alright?”

I feel like a disappointment and a failure to everyone is what he wants to say, but instead the words “I’m fine” fall from his lips.

Mila frowns. “That’s bullshit, you’re not fine.”

“I’m fine,” he repeats, this time with more force. He doesn’t know why he can’t tell her he feels like shit, why he can’t open up to her. Perhaps it’s the thought of relying on someone else, a thought foreign and alien to him. Self-reliance has always been his key to success, and he loathes to fix what’s seemingly not broken.

Mila looks angry for a moment, insulted that she’s being brushed aside like this, but her face quickly softens and she brings a gentle hand to his face. “Oh Bek, you’re not fine, you’re crying.”

Otabek stares at her in horror. “I’m not…!” He quickly brings his hand to his face, and much to his dismay, his cheeks are wet. She’s right, he’s crying. When had he started? It doesn’t take long afterward for him to start choking on his sobs.

“Shh…” She starts to say as she gently drags him to the couch. They sit down, and she immediately envelops him into her arms. “I don’t know what’s wrong because you won’t tell me, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but it’ll be okay. I want you to be okay.”

It’s not long before the floodgates open and he’s hiding his face in her shoulder, sobbing both out of frustration and shame. “What if I’m a disappointment to everyone…?” He manages to finally sputter out. The fact he’s sitting here sobbing into Mila’s arms is shameful enough, but somehow, verbalizing his fears just sounds pathetic. The Hero of Kazakhstan should not be sobbing hysterically into someone else’s arms. Heros are strong, and right now, he is not. He has to be strong, he cannot be a hero if he is not strong.

Still, Mila is not deterred by any of this. “Bad day?” is all she asks. She knows far too well the havoc pressure and a bad day can wreak, and she’s not at all surprised when Otabek silently nods into her shoulder.

“Talk to me about it.” Mila’s voice full of warmth and encouragement.

“I can’t let them down. My country, my family, my parents…I can’t let them down, but I am.” He can’t believe he’s just blurting this all out to her, but the words just fall from his lips. He swore to never speak his fears aloud, but here he is, going back on his word. He’s proud of the work he’s done, proud that he’s managed to turn his weaknesses into strengths, but what if after all that, it’s not enough? He couldn’t place even after all his perseverance. He swore to train harder, and he did, but somehow that just made his recent failures that much more dire. He shouldn’t be failing after all of that. He can’t be.

She nods. It’s a feeling she understands far too well, a bane of being a high level competitive skater. “Babe, trust me on this, you’re not letting anyone down. People are proud of you. Your country is so proud to have someone as dedicated as you representing them. I don’t know your family or your parents, but I’m sure they are proud to have a son who just wants to make them proud.” She pauses, and really looks at him as to emphasize what she was about to say, “For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you. You work harder than anyone I know, and that’s what makes you win. Hard work, and a little bit of luck that the judges are having a good day.”

Otabek stays quiet as Mila speaks, unsure of how to process anything of what she’s telling him. He’s always felt disadvantaged compared to the other skaters, be it through innate talent or through physical resources. He’s so, so fortunate to be where he is today, but fortune is a double edged sword for if he fails and lets everyone down, his fortune would have been for naught. Pressure. It’s a lot of pressure.

Somehow, Mila seems to know what he’s thinking. “I know you think you’re not as talented as the other skaters are, but please, believe me when I say that talent is such a small, meaningless part of victory and success. You can have the all the talent in the world, you can be a prodigy, but if you’re lazy and you slack off, it’s meaningless.”

Otabek opens his mouth to say something, but Mila continues speaking. “And you are talented, you have a lot of talent, but it’s because you work hard and take your training seriously that you’re a fierce competitor. Believe me, when I was a little girl, people praised me for my talent, and it made me lazy. My first major competition in Juniors, I completely bombed it. I was so embarrassed that I wanted to quit, but I loved skating too much. But you on the other hand,” She pauses, and gives him a stern look which says you better not be tuning me out before saying, “You never fell into that trap. You have an advantage over knowing your shortcomings, and that’s exactly why you shine. Understand? Just remember…it’s also important to rest. Hard work means nothing if you crash and burn.”

He slowly and silently nods. Otabek doesn’t know if anything she’s staying will stick in the long run, but for now, he feels a bit more at ease, like he can relax and stop crying helplessly into Mila’s shoulder. Maybe his coach is right, maybe he needs to take a day off, and maybe Mila is right, that his hard work will ultimately pay off in the end. Plus, he has enough faith in her that she’ll be more than eager to remind him should he forget.

Mila gently brushes Otabek’s bangs to the side before she leans in to give him a gentle kiss on the forehead. “Feel better?” she asks.

“I do, uh, thank you…and I’m so-”

“Hush, no apologies!” She says, putting a finger to his lips and immediately cutting him off. “As long as you feel better, that’s all that matters. Now then, we have more pressing matters at hand.” Mila looks over at the forgotten pint of vanilla ice cream, which is now half melted. “Grab a spoon and help me finish the ice cream before it turns into soup. I don’t care what anyone says, it’s good and healthy to eat your feelings worth in ice cream.”

Oh Mila, never change.

#otamila #milabek #mila babicheva #otabek altin #yuri on ice #my writing #Anonymous #i'm sooooo sorry for posting 2 fics in a row but I literally had both of these sitting in near completion for weeks #so i post them both tonight :'D #also this got way out of hand lol #prompt fill i said #prompt fill #ends up writing an entire short story

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sclidarity-blog · 7 years ago

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🌟 💘👀👑👌

▉▊▋⚔. ( who are you ? accepting. )

↳ 🌟 someone my muse trusts.

❛ Wow, slow reflexes these days ? ❜

Mal does not rise to the taunt as Jay unceremoniously falls to sit next to her, pilfered apple ( too red, too polished, too firm ) firmly in his grip. But she has never needed words -- years of familiarity have not done anything to diminish the pointed blade of her gaze. It is as firm and cutting as it has ever been, one perfectly brow reading seriously ?

I’m always serious, his answering laugh replies and though of course he is not, a fact of which they are both aware, he underscores the challenge, reciprocated, by taking a healthy bite, grinning around the soft, fresh flesh.

❛ I don’t know why you bother. The kitchens are literally overflowing. ❜

( this is a scene that has played out so many times it might as well be theirs, quintessentially. transcending lifetimes and all that: Jay sliding into place, quick fingers doing a proper imitation of stealing whatever food she hasn’t consumed yet despite the fact that they are both aware that she’s done and it’s not so much stealing if she’s not trying to hold onto it.

the differences are apparent and unspoken. there’s no time taken to examine the varying stages of rot fanning out, choosing the least lethal looking to bite into. the’s sun’s bright enough to hurt. the kitchens are, in fact, overflowing. )

❛ But where’s the fun in that ? ❜ His grin brightens as her expression shifts minutely, the clinical no nonsense fading into a more well worn exasperation. He props a foot up on the ledge and adds, ❛ Told ya, gotta do things my way. ❜

❛ Apparently. ❜

( it should be a terrifying thing, those differences. this world that is still so new even months down the line. the things they might discuss -- targets to hit, messages that need to be sent, bold morons infringing on their territory -- have burned away in one fell swoop and some nights it is hard to remember what is real, what has happened. )

With a little flourish, he conjures from somewhere a different fruit -- pale orange, soft, and offered to Mal.

❛ I still don’t even know what it’s called, but it looks good -- try it. ❜

She doesn’t comment on the one for one of it all, the way it renders his thieving of her discarded snack useless. And he knows it’s going to happen but it’s gratifying all the same to watch the exasperation fade in turn, replaced by the barest flicker of a smile.

( but the thing is, this is theirs, which means that despite everything, it’s still just them. partners, allies, friends, family, whatever label you want to test out and use, test out and scrap, there is nothing to be afraid of when the proof remains in the brush of elbows or the same, practiced patterns that they can always, always come back to this.

that’ll do. )

↳ 💘 someone my muse has a crush on.

❛ Oh please. How can I deny this world the opportunity of me ? Crushes really aren’t my style. ❜

↳ 👀 someone my muse likes, but doesn’t trust.

❛ C’mon, not fair. I like everyone. ❜

And while it might not be true in entirety, the sentiment of it isn’t false. It does him no good to make enemies -- and charm, jocularity, ease of conversation, all are tested and tempered tools, wieldy and faithful. Manipulation doesn’t often work when you’re constantly crossing metaphorical blades, and without that ability to control a situation, your power goes right out the window.

Besides -- people are interesting. There are plenty of people he enjoys the company of, in a way stripped of ulterior motive that’s probably Auradon approved. He’s -- glad to know the people he does now -- Lonnie and Doug and Jane and even Chad’s good for a laugh most days. Ben’s practically an in law.

But the point remains that trust is a dangerous weapon that he’s given to only three people. It’s a fool that allows something so lethal out of his grip -- because when worse comes to worst, you don’t get the chance to be sorry if you’re not safe first.

↳ 👑 someone my muse is jealous of.

Jealousy is predicated on caring and that is still not something Jay will admit to ever partaking in. Besides, as far as emotions go, jealousy ranks rather low on the list of useful ones; it does nothing but hold you back and cloud your judgement and he has better things to do. Surviving. Video games. The usual.

On the Isle it would have gotten him staring down the wrong end of a blade; and it’s not like there’s much difference between one guy and the next. What’s there to envy when it’s all the same?

( and it’s still not a feeling in his ken but there are moments now, moments when he all he hits are dead ends and wrong answers -- ❛ that’s not how we do things, ❜ ❛ no, no, not like that, dear, ❜ and the frustration boils to a fever pitch under his skin, bleeding into helplessness and rage, that he wonders what it would be like. to have learned the right way of doing things from birth. to be able to just -- remember these endless rules and customs and expectations, to feel perfectly placed in his own skin.

it skates close enough to call it fleeting, tangential jealousy. )

↳👌 someone my muse has only met once, but will never forget.

He’s clumsy, fingers longer now than they have been but still unrefined and caught in that awkward stage between youth and adolescence, not a boy but not yet a teen. The whole of him is -- too old to retain that disarming cuteness and stealth that comes with precisely small limbs. Too young to have full control over his muscles and faculties and weak in the face of those older, stronger, larger.

But necessity is the mother of invention. He will have to make do with what he has -- create himself.

The scrape down the length of his arm ( damn his uncooperative legs and their inability to keep him upright when running away; they’re far longer than the rest of him and ungainly in a way that’s going to get him caught and beaten bloody one of these days ) throbs in such a measured way that he relies on it, counts the pulses he feels beneath dried blood and steadies himself -- then lunges.

He doesn’t know her name. He has never seen her before, one more denizen fighting against the chill of what feels like winter, their only connection the prison they call home. She jerks before he makes contact with her pocket, hissing and pulling away, grabbing his wrist. Her hand is as bony and knobby as his but with age comes a body that listens to you and her grip is sure.

❛ You -- ❜

She turns and looks at him and part of him wants to quail under the strength of her gaze. But he is no longer a child -- he cannot afford fear. So he trains his face the best he can and refuses to back down.

He wonders if she will hurt him, and if he will hurt her in return.

Then he can’t wonder anymore because he doesn’t understand.

She keeps holding his hand, her expression dark and unchanging even as she reaches into her pocket and pulls out two coins, the sound of them clinking together lighting up the alley and cutting through the heavy fog. His fingers have curled into a defiant fist but she’s older and stronger and pries them open -- placing the coins in his palm before letting him go.

❛ No more tonight, ❜ she tells him, voice low and carrying unmistakable authority. He can’t look away. ❛ Go home, boy. Eat something. ❜

He’s frozen until she makes her way down the rest of the alley and disappears around the corner.

#( ooc. )#( ic. )#BOTH #( answered. )#( hc. )#( writing. )#cut for length #LISTEN listen #jay & mal friendship is the hill i'm gonna die on #Anonymous

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ask-the-phan-site · 6 years ago

Text

Phan Cam: The Fright Before Christmas (Part 3)

>Shujin Academy. Social Studies class was in session.

They say that Black Friday starts the beginning of the Christmas Shopping Season. This causes a lot of people to wish that Christmas was back to the heartwarming values that made it special. Not even caring that that value never existed. That’s where the commercialism of Christmas came in. Does anyone here know the most well known commercialization of this holiday?

>Mr. Ushimaru looks around until he spots a hand in the air.

Mr. Ushimaru: You.

Rudolph.

Mr. Ushimaru: That’s correct, Amamiya! Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. The story of a reindeer with a nose that glows in the dark and helps Santa Claus through a snow storm and saves Christmas. I’m actually quite surprised you knew that... But not as much as that you’re still here. Didn’t you transferred back to your old school?

Ren: ... This felt more natural.

Mr. Ushimaru: So you just came here to play? Well, play this!

>I feel a murderous intent.

Student 1: He dodged it!

Student 2: Guess he hasn’t lost his touch.

Student 3: I still think he’s some kind of ninja.

Mr. Ushimaru: (frustrated) Enough! Back to the lesson!

Ding! Ding! Ding! DING!

Announcement: Will the following students, please report to the faculty office. Yuuki Mishima, Futaba Sakura, and Ren Amamiya, even though he’s no longer a student here, but is here anyway.

Mr. Ushimaru: Alright, you heard her. Get going!

>Me and Mishima made it to the front of the faculty office where Futaba was waiting for us. I still couldn’t believe she was going here now.

Ren and Nishima have joined the party!

It’s Mishima, actually. Anyway, let’s head in.

>We went inside where we met with a familiar teacher.

(sighs) Am I really in the mood to ask why you’re back, Amamiya?

Ren: It just felt natural.

Becky (at her request): How did it come to this? Anyway, I just received a message for a Soul Taker.

Ren: I had Futaba change my name on the FBC registry. I know that the minimum age for entering is 12, but I feel a lot better if I entered with another name.

Becky: I see. Anyway, the message says it’s time to head for your physical examination. I don’t have to issue you a pass since you’re not a real student, but I’m issuing them to your two friends since I have a feeling that they had something to do with this.

Futaba: Are our other friends excused as well?

Becky: No. Then everyone would try to use this tournament as an excuse to get out of school.

Futaba: Fair enough.

(groans) The holidays cannot come sooner.

>After that, we were on our way back to Yongen. We let everyone now what was going on on our phones.

Hey! We’re on our way to Yongen for Joker’s... That is to say Soul Taker’s physical.

For real!? You got an excuse to leave school early!? Now I wish I signed up.

A little late for that now. The registrations are closed until next year.

Besides, even though you just became smart through Harry, you’re grades seem to be slipping.

How do you know about my grades?

Back on subject, good luck with your physical.

We’ll have our fingers crossed.

We’ll be cheering for Mako chan as well.

Are you coming too, Makoto senpai?

No, Sis insisted I go to an actual hospital. But I’ll see if I can meet you guys later at the hide out to discuss other matters.

Phantom Thieves business? Can I come this time? I hardly ever get to go to your meetings.

Alright, just behave yourself. And we’ll be discussing about “keeping secrets” later.

What!? It just slipped! Besides, that wouldn’t have happened if you actually studied. Just because you and Harry have a linked mind, doesn’t mean it will always bail you out.

Right. See you guys later.

>I was just about to put my phone down when I got another text.

I’m sorry I’m late in the chat. I take it you’re going to your physical?

That’s right. Will you be coming?

I’m in class right now. But I’ll see if I can meet you later at the hide out.

Great. I’ll really be looking forward to it.

Me too... I <3 u.

What?

I’m learning to text short handed. Did I do it right?

(smiling)

You did beautifully... I <3 u 2.

>End chat.

>Takemi Medical Clinic in Yongen-Jaya. Inside, Joe, Setsuko, and Yuta were already waiting.

Ren: Been waiting long?

No. We just got here ourselves.

Futaba: And what about those two?

The medicine from the pharmacy just weren’t working for my grandpa.

We heard about this place from a neighbor of ours and thought we’d try here. Joe was already coming here for his physical, we decided to come with him.

Mishima: That’s good to hear. I heard this place has the best, even though it’s just a clinic.

??????: Oh stop it. You’re making me blush.

>We turn to see that Takemi came in from the exam room... She had someone with her.

I don’t know. I think getting some praise is nice now and again.

You maybe right. But there are limits to this.

Ren: I see you’ve hired a nurse.

Takemi: Not really. Sayoko chan came all the way from the boonies to volunteer.

Sayoko: I came here at the suggestion of a friend of Chie Satonaka. They should be here soon.

>Then, the elevator rings.

Sayoko: Speak of the devil.

>Then, five familiar faces came in.

Finally! I thought we’d never find this place! It like hidden in the middle of an alleyway.

I told you you should have asked directions, but no!

I’m sure it wasn’t Yosuke kun’s fault. He still uses a flip phone and those things haven’t worked in a long time.

Yosuke: I can get a smart phone if I want to! I just rather wait until someone gets me on for Christmas or even my birthday.

I’m sure you can get one. Maybe Big Bro can do it.

Yosuke: (blushing) Really? I guess if anyone can get me a smart phone for Christmas, it would be Yu.

It would make a good stocking stuffer. And I know you would really like it.

>Yosuke and Yu just stare at each other.

Oh kiss each other while we’re still young!

Yosuke: (snapping back to reality) R- Right. Sorry. This is about Chie. By the way, it’s good to see you guys again.

Joe: You know them?

Ren: We met last Christmas while we were visiting Hasetsu.

Yuta: Really? That means you met Victuuri (Victor Nikiforov and YuuriKatsuki).

Yu: We helped them with a show.

Nanako: It’s true. I even have pictures.

>Nanako shows us the pictures on her phone.

Yuta: Wow. Ice skating sure look neat. But not as great as boxing, though.

Takemi: Speaking of boxing and fighting, shall we get this examination underway?

>We nodded.

Good. Now, ladies first. Ms. Satonaka, please head to the exam room.

Yukiko: Good luck, Chie.

>Chie heads inside the exam room for her physical.

Futaba: So if you five are here, does that mean your other friends are here as well?

Yu: Yes. Rise is having her private class at the moment. Kanji and Naoto are insisting that they are not on a date, just two good friends visiting Meiji Shrine to pray for victory for Chie. And I left Teddie to be look after by some acquaintances until we get back.

Ren: Acquaintances?

Yu: Just some people I know. I would have asked my neighbors, but each has their own plans for the day. Especially our more favorite neighbors from down stairs.

Ren: How come?

Yu: ... Let’s just say, one of them might be a colleague of your Takemi’s.

>I think I know who he’s talking about... But we’ll get to that later.

Setsuko: ...

Yu: What is it?

Setsuko: This neighbor of yours. Did he have someone with him at the time? ... A man in a dark grey hoodie?

Yu: No... But he was with someone. Someone we all know.

Ren: Sho?

Yu: Yes.

...

>Setsuko was more down than us.

Joe: I’m sure Ryuichi will be fine. Just have faith.

Setsuko: ... I’ll try.

Yuta: Is Ryuichi in trouble?

Joe: No, Yuta, he’s just doing what a man has to do.

Yuta: What’s that?

Joe: ... Ask your grandpa when we get back.

>Yuta was starting to get a little worried. Nanako notices this.

Nanako: I’m sure your friend will be alright.

Yuta: He’s my stepfather actually.

Nanako: Then, I'm sure what he’s doing, he’s doing it because he cares about you a loves you.

Yuta: Are you sure?

Nanako: I know how you feel. My dad does a lot at his work that usually makes him come home real late. But he does it because he cares about others and me. I have faith in my dad and I love him. I’m sure it’s the same for you.

Yuta: ... You’re right. I’ll have more faith in him. I love Ryuichi and I trust him.

Nanako: That’s the spirit!

Setsuko: That girl sure is smart for her age.

Yu: That’s the power of Nanako. She has heart of pure light that can survive anything. And she really cares about others and know how they feel and will always try to make them happy.

Setsuko: That’s so sweet of her. Yuta, what do we say?

Yuta: Thank you, Nanako san.

Nanako: You’re welcome, Yuta kun.

Setsuko: Now I just wish I know why Ryuichi would do this.

>We explain everything that happened at the TV station.

Setsuko: The prize money? I guess that makes sense. Joe said he was going to use the money to pay for Yuta’s CIP treatment. I guess he thought Joe needed help doing it.

Ren: I guess he doesn’t know. If I win the prize money, I’m giving it to you for the treatment.

Setsuko: You would do that? Why, thank you.

Joe: I guess with the three of us fighting for the same thing, victory is for sure.

????: Make it four.

>We turned to see that Chie had finished her physical.

Chie: I want to fight for the money for this treatment too. I want to help as much as you guys do.

Yosuke: Guess that means that beef bowl feast you were talking about is history.

Chie: Shut up! It’s still on... I’ll just put it on your tab.

Yosuke: (defeated) Why am I not surprised?

Setsuko: Thank you all. I really appreciate this.

Takemi: I’m glad to see such spirit. Anyway, Ms. Satonaka is quite healthy. She can be in the tournament. Now, who’s next?

Ren: I guess I’ll go.

Takemi: Alright, this should be easy. Please head to the exam room.

>Inside the exam room, my physical was underway. They tested my muscle dexterity, my breathing, eye sight, weight, and much more.

Takemi: Hmm. It looks like everything okay. No surprise, I have been examining your body for almost a year. And from what you said, your diet seems to be average. Unlike the Satonaka girl who seems to eat nothing but meat.

Sayoko: Well, Inaba is quite famous for its beef skewers. Almost as much for its hot springs.

Takemi: Yes, I’ve heard.

Ren: So what’s the verdict?

Takemi: You’re clear to fight. Welcome to the Fight Before Christmas... Soul Taker.

Ren: Thank you.

Sayoko: Soul Taker?

Ren: My wrestling name. I got it while me and my friends were in New York. I’ll tell you more about it later.

Takemi: I’ll look forward to it.

>We excit back into the waiting room.

Takemi: Well Joe Akamine, you’re the last one up. Are you ready?

Joe: Ready as I’ll ever be.

Takemi: Very well. Please head to the exam room.

>With that, Joe follows Takemi into the exam room.

Chie: You know who I’m the most disappointed is not here?

Futaba: Who’s that?

Chie: The Master.

Mishima: The Master?

Yukiko: Oh, you mean Akihiko san.

Yuta: Akihiko Sanada?

Yu: Yes. Chie was hoping he would have his physical with her, but Mitsuru san, his friend and sponsor, insisted he go have his physical in a hospital.

Mishima: I wonder if he’s taking at the same hospital Makoto senpai is at.

Futaba: Would you like me to ask?

Mishima: Can you?

Futaba: I’ll try.

>Futaba takes out her phone.

Yo, Mikoto! Are you done with your physical?

Yes. I just finished up and they said I’m ready to go. I’m on my way to the hide out now. How was Ren’s?

They said I’m great. Anyway, there’s something we’d like to ask.

What is it?

Did Akihiko Sanada have his physical at the same hospital you were in? Chie and Nishima wanted to know.

Again, that’s not my name.

Yes. Which reminds me, he passed, too.

He did?

Yes. He and Mitsuru Kirijo said they if Ren passes his physical, they would love to meet with us at the opening party.

That’s good. I look forward to meeting them as well.

Good. I’ll see you at the hide out.

>End text.

Chie: (happy) Alright, he’s in!

Yosuke: I wander why he wanted to meet Ren and the others.

Yuta: Is it because you guys are the Pha-

>I quickly look at Yuta and begged him not to repeat what Shinya told him.

Yuta: That you guys are the Fantastic Fighters.

Setsuko: Fantastic Fighters?

Yuta: I just thought since we have a common goal, I should think of a good team name for us.

Yosuke: I don’t know. That name sound a little bland.

Mishima: Hey, Ren. What do you think we should be called?

>I take out my dairy. I got a new one after I gave the one Boss gave me at the start of my journey back.

>I thought about it and I finally come up with something.

Ren: How about...

YUTA?

Yuta: Me?

Ren: It’s short for Yuta’s Ultimate Team of Angels.

Yosuke: That’s sound a little extreme.

Yukiko: I think it sounds great. We’re doing for hopes and dreams of a very special family. So we might as well be angels.

Nanako: I like it.

Joe: (coming out of the exam room and heard us): Me too. I think it’s a great idea.

Setsuko: Why... Thank you everyone.

Yuta: Yes, thanks.

>We all smiled.

Takemi: Well, I’m happy to report that you’re all healthy and able. Welcome to the Fight Before Christmas. I’ve already sent the information to the organizers and they will be sending you notifications about the opening party. And here’s the medicine for your father. Good luck.

Setsuko: Thank you.

Sayoko: See you at the party.❤

>We left the clinic and went our separate ways.

Joe: Hey, you’re going back to Ikebukuro, right? Mind if I come with you. I just want to make sure Ryuichi’s alright.

Yu: Sure.

Joe: Setsuko, I’ll meet you guys back at the restaurant.

Setsuko: Okay. Be careful, Joe. I hear Ikebukuro isn’t as safe as it was... Especially at night.

Yu: You mean the Headless Rider. Don’t worry. She’s not the one you gotta worry about... It’s the guy in the bartender uniform you have to watch out for.

>So Setsuko and Yuta head home while Joe and the Investigation Team head to Ikebukuro.

>Ikebukuro City. Joe and the Investigation Team came here. As we arrived, we were met by the rest of the members.

Senpai! We’re over here!

So how did the physical go? Is Chie senpai in?

Chie: You bet!

Well done, Chie senpai!

Kanji: And you said you wanted to go to Book Town in Jinbocho.

Naoto: I just thought I could research some fighting techniques Chie senpai could use in the tournament.

Yosuke: Are you sure you want to be explaining this in front of another fighter in the tournament?

Joe: I don’t think I can follow kung-fu. And you do know we’re on the same side here.

Yosuke: Just making sure things go off without a hitch.

Naoto: What do you mean on the same side?

>They explain what happened at the clinic.

Naoto: I see. That’s a very admirable cause.

Kanji: Using the prize money for a young boy’s treatment. That’s cool of you, Chie senpai. You too, Joe san.

Joe: Thanks.

>Suddenly, a van pulled up...

Yu: Ah, they’re here.

>The van door then opens.

Yu: Hey, thanks again for looking after him.

Anytime. Now can you please help us get him out of this van?

>It was a tough job, but they managed to get their friend out of the van.

OW! That was not a comfortable squeeze!

Yosuke: (frustrated) It’s your fault for going in your bear suit!

Teddie: I can’t help if these two kids like my plush and gorgeous self.

He’s got a point. He looks like one of those mascot characters in video games.

That’s right. And they’re the kind that can be adapted into...

Everyone presents: Anime and manga!

Walker: How did you know?

Yu: ... Lucky guess.

Uh, can we hurry this up? Ruri chan’s concert is going to start soon.

Kyouhei: We’re coming! Anyway, so around, man?

Yu: Yeah, see ya.

Erika: And good luck with the tournament.

Chie: You bet.

>With that, the Van Gang leave.

Yu: Let’s go check up on your friend. I know Shinra is a great doctor, but... Let’s just say he’s the textbook definition of “like father, like son.”

>With that, they head inside. They arrive at the apartment of the underground doctor, Shinra Kitishitani. Inside, they already see Sho Minazuki sitting on a sofa, most likely waiting for Ryuichi and Shinra. They also see in Shinra’s office, Shinra was examining Ryuichi’s eyes.

Oh, you’re here.

Yu: Same for you.

Sho: If you’re here for a fight, this ain’t the time or place for it.

Joe: We know. We’re just here for Ryuichi.

>They look over to the office. It looks like Shinra was done with Ryuichi’s physical.

So how’s it look, doc?

Well, you were right about your eye sight. It’s not as sharp as you described. Other than that, the rest of your body is in good condition. I guess you still exercise even after your early retirement.

Ryuichi: I had years to back that up.

Shinra: That’s good to hear. And as for your sight... Hold on.

>Shinra heads to a cabinet and takes out a small bottle of pills.

Shinra: I can’t promise that the effects of these pills will be permanent, but they should last for about 4 to 5 hours. And I advise that you don’t let yourself get hit in the head too many times.

Ryuichi: How many do I take?

Shinra: Just one each day and no more than that.

Ryuichi: How come?

>Shinra looks out of his office and sees that the others were listening as well. So he decides to tell the truth.

Shinra: The truth is... I made these pills not too long ago. In a way, they’re still a working progress. So I have no idea what would happen if you take more than one each day.

Ryuichi: That’s a little... Extreme. How many others have had these pills before me?

Shinra: Let’s see. Before you... None.

Everyone: NONE!?

Shinra: I never had the chance to test them. When Sho told me you were coming, I decided this would be the perfect opportunity to test my new eye medicine... By the way, you don’t mind signing some release forms, do you?

Ryuichi: (thinking to himself) What have I gotten myself into?

>After signing the release forms, Shinra told them to wait while he submits the info he gathered from Ryuichi and Sho. During that time, Ryuichi was informed about what happened at the clinic.

Ryuichi: I see. I guess I won’t be alone for this.

Chie: I can’t believe you talked him into this, Sho.

Sho: I merely told him the truth. Isn’t that what your group is about?

Chie: ...

Naoto: He’s got us cornered there.

Ryuichi: I just wanted to do this to help Yuta... And maybe see where I now stand in this world. I just have to know.

Joe: I can’t really blame you for that. But just remember what I said, Ryuichi.

Ryuichi: I know. I’ll never forget that.

Yu: And what of yourself, Sho?

Sho: As I just said, fighting is the only way I can form a bond with someone... That and the prize money.

Kanji: Wait. Didn’t your old man already left you a lot of money?

Sho: I’m choose to use that discreetly, those Kirijo jerks are still looking for me.

Joe: What do you mean?

Yu: ... It’s a long story.

>Just then, Shinra comes in.

Shinra: Well, I submitted my report.

Ryuichi: What did that say?

Shinra: Well, they were a bit hesitant about letting someone with eye problems enter. But I told them about the medicine and they said that as long as he remembers them and doesn’t do anything too hard, he should be fine. So Ryuichi Suzuki, Sho Minazuki... You’re in. Welcome to the Fight Before Christmas.

Ryuichi: Really!? That’s great!

Sho: Was there ever any doubt? Well, now that that’s settled, I better high tail it.

Kanji: What’s you’re hurry?

Sho: Wanna know how I met Shinra?

>They couldn’t help but nod.

Sho: I was here in Ikebukuro when I a ran into his woman. And, well, we kinda got off on the wrong foot... Or head. She spotted me dealing with these assholes called the Blue Squares and I kinda got banged up a little. Then she stepped and chased those guys off. After that, she saw I was hurt in the battle and insisted I go with her. I clearly didn’t want to. And then, well... Ever saw that episode of Steven Universe? The one where they introduced Lapis Lazuli?

Nanako: I did! I guess you’re talking about the part where Steven knocked Garnet’s glasses off.

Sho: Well, I did something similar with her helmet... It was not pretty. She really let me have it there. I should consider myself lucky the bartender wasn’t with her. In the end, she had her way and brought me here where Shinra fixed me up.

Shinra: I have to say, I was really intrigued about Sho’s scared body. It looked like he went through so much. But what really had me interested was... That thing in his body where his heart should be.

Yu: ... Also a long story.

>Suddenly, the sound of an elevator could be heard.

Sho: That’s her! See you at the opening party.

>With that, Sho quickly leaves... As Shinra’s fiance comes in.

...

>She takes out a PDA and types something.

Hey, did I miss something?

Shinra: Nothing much. Just giving some physicals to some people entering in the tournament.

Celty: (I see. Well, I’ll get started on dinner. Would you and your friends like to join us, Yu?)

Yu: No thanks. We were just leaving. Maybe next time.

Celty: (Alright. We’ll look forward to it.)

Shinra: That’s right. Now Celty...

>Celty punches Shinra in the side and she leaves to get dinner ready.

Nanako: Why did she punch you?

Shinra: (in pain) This is... Just how we... Show affection for each other.

Nanako: How come?

Yu: (quickly) We’ll tell you when you’re older. Well, see you.

>With that, they leave. Yu and his party goes up stairs to his apartment and Joe and Ryuichi go out to head for home.

Joe: So you’re really doing this?

Ryuichi: I am. I better find a way to make this up to Setsuko.

Joe: I’ll back you up.

Ryuichi: Thanks, man.

>The two men shook hands. Then, their phone rang.

Ryuichi: That must be the notice.

>They check their phones.

>The two men just stare at the notification.

Joe: Formal? You mean...

Ryuichi: Yup. Just like the wedding. Only more fancier.

Joe: (depressed) Oh man.

>The Fight Before Christmas will soon begin.

#phantom thieves cam

0 notes

mysticdragon3md3 · 8 years ago

Text

thoughts during Yuri on Ice ep9

4:22 PM 2/3/2017 "If you're in trouble, just hug him"???? Yakov?????!!!??? I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Victor really doesn't think. From the very beginning, he was already proving that he doesn't really have a grasp of what a "coach" really is or supposed to do. Even as recently as ep7, Yuri still needed to explain---yell at Victor, what he should be doing as a coach. *sigh* If Victor's flighty brain didn't also make him so free-spirited and lovable, I'd hit him over the head with that Makkachin tissue box. I'm beginning to think Victor honestly believes that ice skating only functions with the ingredients of a skater on the ice and a coach on the side of the rink. He really thinks that Yuri just needs someone labelled a "coach" just standing at the sidelines while Yuri skates? Oh. My. Gawd. Yuri was just yelling at you an episode ago, that your job is to have faith in him and bolster his confidence. You can do that even while you're away from the actual stadium. Yuri even told you to go to Japan while he stays in Russia to continue performing. He can perform without you there physically! As long as Victor is there emotionally/spiritually for Yuri, he's fine. And yet, Victor hands off Yuri to Yakov, thus, severing Victor's emotional presence from Yuri. *sigh* Victor really doesn't think, does he? This lovable, idiotic fool...

Oh, wait. Victor does go on to say, "Even if I'm not here, I'll always be with you in spirit." But does Victor really understand that? Really? While he's handing Yuri's delicate heart off to Yakov's harsh demeanor...as "support"?? ~_~;

At least Yakov agreeing to take on Yuri, quells any suspicions that he might sabotage Yuri, to help advance Yurio. Not that the show has proven he's that dastardly, but without many gaps in his characterization filled in, the brain does tend to assume the worst. I like the idea of Yakov wanting Yuri to fulfill his potential just as much as Yurio, so that they can have a proper showdown without any interference tainting the expressions of their true skills. Like a martial arts anime or a sports genre manga.

It's strange for Emil to skate to the theme "Cyberpunk: I've ceased to be human". He's so cheerful and human-feeling. Does this mean he's going to super-focus on technical skating? It's strange that he'd throw away his emotions, when the series' themes thus far, have been advocating emotions as a strength, in skating. (I expect Seung-gil Lee to come up short, despite his technical skill, because he lacks emotion. He seems to serve as a contrast to the series themes.)

And now Sala is severing her emotional ties with Mickey. Everyone's getting separated from their emotional anchors in this episode. Victor and Yuri separated geographically and as skater-coach pair. Emil separated from his emotional strengths. and Mickey separated from his deluded purpose to protect Sala. Well, he's actually just attached to this image in his head he has of Sala, more than looking at the actual Sala, anyway. I've seen it all before in Revolutionary Girl Utena, where Kaoru Miki---"Miki". Coincidence? Anyway, in Utena, Kaoru Miki was trapped in his own "princely savior" complex (the entire Student Council all were, in that series), where he specifically only knew his own identity in relation to protecting his sister Kozue. So he subconsciously built her up as this perfect and pure treasure to be protected, always in danger of being the victim, so that his psyche could secure himself in the identity of the "rescuing prince". But in reality, his sister didn't need saving and wasn't pure, and was actually sometimes the victimizer, not the victim. But Miki couldn't see that, otherwise, he wouldn't know who he was. He wouldn't be able to maintain the Stronger identity and position of the rescuer. Maybe then he'd have to confront the fact that he was actually the rescuee, in need of saving. Maybe Sala's brother Mickey also can't deal with his Weakness.

"I was able to focus on skating and come this far because you were with me. Dont' leave me alone, please!" It's strange that Mickey's words to Sala sound more appropriate to the blubbering and weak-willed bouts we've seen more often from Yuri, at this point. Mickey's Weaknesses here seem most obviously intended as a contrast to how far Yuri has progressed in emotional Strength. I hope the rest of Yuri's scenes in this episode show him Stronger than Mickey with Sala in this scene.

Even now, Mickey is thinking only in terms of obtaining Sala's full focus. He's thinking of other types of men she might like and implying that maybe if his personality were like theirs, he could have kept her. Even though her need to be independent and to see him become Stronger by finding his own independence has nothing to do with her "falling out of love with him". He really isn't looking at her at all.

Or maybe Emil's unemotional skating program's title is supposed to demonstrate his ability to separate himself from his emotions (his characteristic cheerfulness) and still be able to be himself. Though all those falls he was taking, while Mickey was watching him, thinking Emil might be an example of what a "successful" man is, enough to get Sala's attention, showed the delusion Mickey was having, in the idea of following Emil's example (of cheerfulness). So if Mickey can't imitate Emil or any other man in order to get Sala back, what can he do? He must be so lost right now. And right before he has to skate!

He's skating to "Serenade for Two". Ouch. She's not even at rink side.

"Sala, are you watching me somewhere out there?" I expect to see a contrast with Yuri later skating and not thinking such things. Yuri should skate with full confidence that Victor's presence is with him. Yuri shouldn't look out, wonder, or hope that Victor is watching. He should feel with bulletproof certainty that Victor's spirit is with him. Mickey's purple costume reminds me so much of Yuri's "Yuri on Ice" costume, that it seems more obvious that Mickey is going to serve as a parallel contrast to Yuri later. If they're going to be equated in costumes, then their differences in actions should really stand out.

"I can tell, even when we're apart." Really? You sure don't act like it. But I guess Mickey is only really seeing the "Sala" in his head, and not the real Sala standing in front of him, anyway.

The thing I like about this whole "incest" motif between Mickey and Sala is that she actually tells him to stop obsessing with her, get a life, and let her have her own. So many anime use incest for fanservice and never once have I seen the sister forcibly, physically, make the brother stop letting this continue. If she's a tsundere, she'll get mad, but just kind of stay sprawled and limp, wondering what the heck her brother is doing. Like Bakemonogatari. Or more often, the sister is waaaaaay too handsy and the herbivore brother doesn't have the guts to shove her off of him, even though it makes him visibly uncomfortable. Like Bungo Stray Dogs. Or even more often, the series treats the incest pair like the canon OTP or at least the background pair to root for. The Irregular at Magic High School, .Hack//Legend of the Twilight, Tenchi Muyo, Tenjyo Tenge, etc. I once went to a anime convention panel where a Japanese panelist explained Japanese cultural reflections in anime, and he explained the ubiquity of incest as the desperation of heterosexual males to be near females, in their society of such strictly separated genders. "So having a girl in your house, so close to you everyday, is an exciting thought." Ug. Stop it. Good on Sala for grabbing Mickey by the chin and telling him to get a life and that she had a life outside of him! Personally, I chalk it up to the writer and director of "Yuri on Ice" being female, females who are probably just as sick of the incest trope as the rest of us otaku.

On the other hand, if Mickey does well, even while his costume draws a parallel with Yuri, then maybe the contrast will be of Yuri doing badly, while separated from Victor. O~O! ;o;! Nooooooooo!

"What should I do with my feelings?" I think it's really important that Mickey phrased this in a way that implies that he does realize there are other things he can do with his feelings besides being obsessed with his sister.

"I can feel lost love in Michele's skating." Don't look so happy to have a comrade in misery, Georgi. Mickey is "mellow" and sad right now. Ah, well. Maybe a few drunken drinks together and messy crying about their ex'es will finally get both of them over it. We can only hope.

"Sala, this is the last time that I skate for you." Wow. Mickey is accepting this "break-up" pretty quickly. Good for him. ^-^

"This is my real love. Farewell, Sala." So are they saying Mickey took breaking up his obsession with Sala well, because he's considering honoring her wishes to have him stop obsessing over her, as another expression of his love?

Oh wow. Sala is really crying. I guess she was the one who was more attached. Or maybe just attached enough to let it last this long. It's pretty healthy for her to have recognized the stagnancy, broken it off, and is already into her grieving phase. Even if she didn't want to be the object of her brother's obsession, I'm sure their bond was still the most important to her.

"That was the coolest program I've seen from you so far. You thought of me when you were skating right?" "I'm sorry for saying such mean things earlier. But I'm glad I did! We're better apart, after all!" Thank you, Yuri on Ice!!!! If this was any other series, the sister would have gone back to the brother, as if they were reuniting lovers. Thank you for maintaining the growth of the characters and a demonstration of superior emotionally healthy relationships! ^O^ Just because Sala wants to see Mickey do well and can feel happy that he thinks of her and loves her, doesn't mean that she wants to go back to being his obsession. In fact, those are the same reasons she wants him to be independent of her. And he just proved that learning to become independent makes him Stronger. He had the best program performance ever! It's just healthier for a person to not have illusion-based obsessions, and to be an independent person in a relationship, vs co-dependent.

And I guess if Mickey/Sala was representative of anything in this series, it was the dangers of co-dependency. Now, let's see our series’ main protagonist couple avoid that obstacle, by contrast.

What's with Seung-gil? He seemed so freaked-out right before he stepped onto the ice, and now the camera's first glimpse of his performance is of him falling? Why is he so freaked-out? Was he intimidated by someone? Not by Mickey's awesome performance, was it? Was Seung-gil so nervous because Mickey's program was flawless? If so, then it just might prove my theory that Seung-gil is supposed to represent the importance of emotion (emotional expression) during skating, by being too unemotional and failing.

Yurio's statement is really surprising. He sees JJ and Yuri as his strongest competition. Almost takes the doubt out of Yuri's close-ups while he's nervous. But more like the audience knows he has earned more confidence, but Yuri himself doesn't know it.

Oh my gawd. Seung Gil is actually crying. I guess he's the type to stay stoic until the very last second.

Wasn't Victor supposed to choreograph Yurio's senior debut? I guess Yurio is ok with just the Agape program.

Are Yurio's jumps at the 2nd half of the program really low now?

Alright. that's better.

I want to say that Yurio gets really motivated when he's angry, but that didn't work out too well when he preformed Agape. But maybe it's only because Agape is the opposite of his nature. Maybe here, his anger will make the 2nd half of his program go even better.

I love seeing that focused expression on Yuri's face, like when he was preparing to skate against Minami. But during his stretches this time, he got distracted by Yurio superseding himself. I hope Yuri doesn't get mired in self-doubt in the middle of his Yuri on Ice program. Especially after all this inner monologue from Yurio, explaining that Yuri's program is already intimidating to Yurio's chances of getting into the Grand Prix.

I like how Yuri's lack of response to Yurio's brag about getting first place so far, made Yuri seem very focused and unfazed. But then the camera goes watery, like Yuri is going to cry and really is mired in self-doubt. I really expected some kind of inner monologue, where Yuri says he's either focused or crumbling. But there was nothing. I like that the direction is keeping us guessing. Now I really want to see how Yuri feels, through watching his performance.

I just realized that both Yuri and JJ are preforming to music composed just for them, to encapsulate themselves. But whereas "King JJ" makes JJ seem arrogant, "Yuri on Ice"'s somber, wavering, and frail, hopeful journey doesn't seem self-centered at all. It's just a story.

"I popped it." Is that bad or good? This is what I meant when I said before that this series doesn't do as well as other sports anime, when it comes to explaining the sport sufficiently, by the time of the performance, so we can understand the tension and stakes during the performance. Even with the reaction shots, it took the commentator explaining "His second jump turned into a single" for it to be clear that Yuri messed up.

"Until Victor came into my life, I could never openly say that I'd win gold, but I never skated with the thought in my mind that I'd lose anyway." There's something lost in the wording of Yuri's internal monologue. I guess I don't understand. Is he saying that Yuri's ambitions about skating were never strong enough to win gold nor to lose, as if he didn't have enough passion in his skating, before Victor appeared? Is he saying that Yuri always wanted to win, but never was ambitious enough for gold? Maybe never had the self-confidence to aim that high? Or that Victor made Yuri finally able to express aloud his pre-existing (maybe muffled) strong will to win? Then he says, "Truthfully, I wanted to win gold at last year's Grand Prix Final, too." So I guess...Yuri is saying that he always had a strong ambition to aim high, but it wasn't fully expressed until Victor boosted his self-confidence? Now we're getting all these flashbacks of Victor boosting Yuri's confidence, so that's a confirmation.

"I was able to come this far because Victor believed in me." And now we get an answer to Yuri's first line in his inner monologue: "I don't want them to think everything Victor's taught me has been a waste." So the thing Yuri feels that Victor taught him the most was belief in himself. Which is a nice call back to the opening theme's lyrics. ^-^

It's nice that Yurio is cheering for his rival to do well.

But I actually kind of like that Yuri messed up a little during the first half of his program. "Yuri on Ice" is supposed to represent his skating career, right? At the beginning, Yuri was making all these missteps because of his lack of self-confidence. So in the second half, which is supposed to express after Victor became his coach, it would be appropriate to show then, all the (bolstering) influences that Victor has had on Yuri.

It's funny. Yuri seems to preform better when he's huffy about something. Before, he was angry at Victor for not knowing that all he needed was for Victor to have more faith in him than Yuri had himself. Now he's huffy at the idea of Yurio demonstrating impressive stamina, when everyone keeps saying Yuri is supposed to be the one defined by stamina. "Idiot! I have more stamina than him!"

"Whether Victor were with me or not, it would still feel just as tough." "I'm the only one who can skate this program with this much appeal." I like when Yuri's inner monologe starts becoming more confident. ^_^ It's like when he first began to understand how to be in-character for his Eros program: His performance is going to suddenly become something amazing.

"I'm the one who loves this program victor and I made the most in the whole world!" There's a slight variation in the violins here that strikes well, while Yuri is thinking about his announced theme for the year: finding Strength through Love.

JJ is the only one not watching Yuri's performance. Even though everyone else is captivated by the 2nd half of his program. I wonder what that says about JJ and how it's going to be built upon later in the series. (Just saying he's self-centered is too easy. I mean, he is. But there can still be more than that.)

Aw, Yuri touched the ground. But the direction tried to deflate it with the side comments from Mila. "When you think of how it could've been with Victor here, you really want to see that, right?" This show keeps doing this thing every once in a while, where emotional response and anticipation from the audience are advocated as more important than technical performance. But it's hard for me to completely buy that, when so much more of the series (screentime) has been dedicated to showing them work out and practice so that they can nail the technical aspect. Only very rarely, like when Minami skated or Yuri skated during the all-Japan competition, did the series mention that enthralling the audience's emotions, as a performer, was more important than technical execution. Sure, they threw in Seung Gil to exemplify how technical merit without emotion can't win, but I don't think that theme was emphasized enough in relation to the whole sport or to contrast Yuri specifically. Yuri and Seung Gil only had 1 interaction so far: when Yuri was one of the few to see Seung Gil cry, while he passed by him. I don't know. As a sports anime, this show just isn't as effective for me. I still prefer to watch it as a character study. That, this series does well.

I wonder what Yakov would say if Yuri told him aloud that Victor's coaching style is just like Yakov's? LOL Maybe then Yakov might start to accept Victor as a coach instead of just "playing coach". At least Yakov knows Yuri never practiced for failed jumps because of Victor's old habit to do the same.

Aw! ^u^ Yuri is so huggy! ^.^!

"I'm no prince. I'm already a king!" Yeesh. Talk about a complete foil to Yuri's characteristic unconfidence!

And here we get that other layer besides the arrogance he's been superficially portrayed with so far. It's good to hear JJ thinking of his family, girlfriend, and country, while he skates.

"This isn't enough love!" So if JJ is Yuri's true foil in the series, and his definition of "love" is getting cheers from the audience...I guess that contrasts with Yuri expressing "love" as support from his closer circle of family and friends. Interesting. Let's see where this goes.

It's kind of weird how instantly enthusiastically Sala always jumps to any guy who isn't her brother. Says a lot about how much he smothered her. -.-;

"Is this a hugging competion?" Oh, Emil... ^_^ Poor Seung Gil and Yurio. LOL But I thought Yuri confirmed that he has progressed to the next stage, just barely above Mickey, because of he placed 2nd at the Cup of China. Why is he practically saying farewell to everyone, like he was the one leaving? ...Unless this shows his character growth, by Yuri saying "bye" to everyone else who isn't advancing, or rather, just everyone who shared this experience of the Rostelecom Cup with him. Saying bye more to the Rostelecom Cup, than to people? Maybe? Well, Victor did say to hug when he was stressed. ^o^ "I'm this close to the peak of my competitive figure skating career. I really want the gold now. The Grnad Prix Final will be my last chance." Yeesh. So final! So the hugging really was about Yuri thinking his career is near its end and he won't be able to be there again. o_o

End credits over the last scenes? A mid-season break for a short 12 episode series? o.o???

Aw, birthday pirozhki! ^.^ How does Yurio know Yuri's birthday? Is it on their official public stats? Wow, Yurio really is playing to the rival-friend motifs. Or maybe he just wants to see Yuri say that his grandfather's food is better than the Katsuki's? LOL Naw. It's even better. He just wanted to show off his grandfather's katsudon pirozhki to someone! Particularly to someone who knows a good katsudon. ^_^

Oh, good. The fluffy one survived.

There's the hug he really wanted.

Oh, don't say it's like a marriage proposal. In an airport? Do you know how cliche that is?! This is much better than that old cliche. ^-^ "I wish you'd never retire." Now that sounds more like a marriage proposal. ^_^

7:05 PM 3/7/2017 The problem I have with this show, is that I don't care about the characters---Well, until Yuri reappears on screen. I can't take my eyes off his performances. But the series takes so much screentime on other characters, that just haven't had the time for me to build any significant attachment to. So I find myself not caring.

The whole reason I've been postponing finishing this series, is because it takes so much time for me to write reactions and watch at the same time. But because I don't care enough for all these side characters (and caring about characters is *really* important to me, even more than plots), I didn't want to just zip through watching YOI without remembering my emotional reactions. If I didn't jot them down as they happened, then I know I'd look back on this series and not really care overall, because my horrible memory wouldn't remember being effected by this series. But I know I care about Yuri, and Victor is a lot of fun, so I don't want to finish this series, thinking that it was the same as if I didn't watch anything.

#md3 watches yuri on ice

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