#and i have no idea what the doctor costs because the front desk people don't seem to know

[nokingsonlyfooles]

EIGHT CHIPS

This is not my photo. These are not our chips. We were hungry and it didn't occur to us to take a photo. Nevertheless, we ordered pico de gallo at this restaurant, it came on a square plate just like this guac, and it had EIGHT CHIPS stuck in it. (I see TEN in the guacamole above. I suppose, that's an improvement? A couple of them seem pretty small so maybe it's like boneless wings and they're going by weight? I have so many questions and all of them are WHY??)

Our friends recommended this place. It has good Google reviews! I don't know what Canada does to a person that makes them think "chips and pico" means "EIGHT CHIPS served IN the pico for maximum sogginess" but I hope it doesn't happen to ME. If it does, let me exist in blissful ignorance and don't try to restore me to my former self.

Canada, this is a crime against my culture and me personally and YOU WILL PAY - presumably in maple syrup, or some other food you actually do well. (Keep your poutine. I don't like it!)

*sigh* All hyperbole aside, this is about how the doctor went, before dinner. She was over an hour behind again. I spent the whole time in the very bright waiting room with the heater blowing in my dry eyes. I was not in the best shape by the time she actually saw me, but I did have enough time to express my concerns, and have them dismissed. While my spouse gave me a Live Slug Reaction over the doctor's shoulder every time she condescended to me or lacked obvious information.

"What do you mean 'who did your eye surgery and when did you have it'? YOU REFERRED US! THIS IS A FOLLOW-UP!"

But there is nothing physically wrong enough to snap the doctor out of, "You're fine! See you later!" mode. My struggles are being attributed to the binocular vision dysfunction and my insanely dominant right eye. I thought we were trying to teach my brain to lean on my right eye a little less, but maybe not. I'm going to check in on Friday with the tech who gives me exercises and get some more exercises. And beyond that, the doc thinks I should keep doing what I'm already doing and I'll adjust. When, tho? Beats me!

I was not told that my binocular vision dysfunction would prolong my recovery. Maybe they were hoping it wouldn't! But it is. I'm supposed to have informed consent for making these medical decisions and I'm not getting it. I don't want to add that I HAVE OBVIOUS ROSACEA and that can make dry eyes worse, and nobody mentioned that to me at any point (not even today). I had to find that out myself Googling "dry eyes" after I already had the dang surgery.

I've got to start presenting as more masc, just for the damn doctors. Woman =/= Brain-Damaged Child with Hypochondria, but it reads that way in medicine and I'm gettin' really, literally sick of it.

[dr-dendritic-trees]

As a Canadian who spent a few years in the states, US healthcare is not just unnecessarily expensive, its unnecessarily confusing and I think that contributes:

In Canada, my big healthcare needs are covered by the provincial government. So when I need care I go to the front desk, I show them my provincial health card and all the money is handled between the provider and the government, I never pay anything. If something is not covered by my healthcare they tell me clearly and up front.

Like most Canadians I carry some supplemental health insurance to fill the gaps because our coverage is unfortunately not as good as most European systems. This insurance also tells me exactly what it covers, often down to the dollar amount. I've never been surprised by the amount I have to pay and there's no complexity either they pay X% of the cost or they pay up to $Y and I cover the rest. I've also never had insurance limit which doctors they'll pay for (although this does happen it just hasn't happened to me). I have also never encountered a deductible in Canadian health insurance (I do know what that is though, because my tenant's insurance has one).

Conversely, going to the US here was my experience even though I only got very boring minor or preventative care while I was there. I never needed ongoing chronic care, I was never seriously ill, and nothing I needed was rare or unsual... oh, and I worked at a major teaching hospital.

The list of things they wouldn't cover was long and totally random, like, based on super specific types of surgery for the same condition, it was wild and also meant I wouldn't have been able to read the documents without my biomedical degree, I have no idea how less educated people cope at all.

They wouldn't tell me directly if a vaccine would or wouldn't be covered even when I asked directly on the phone ahead of time I got "probably".

In addition to the money I paid every month to have insurance some coverage didn't kick in until I had paid a certain deductible... but not all of it... just some things on the long list.

There was like 3 other kinds of weird extra payments I was expected to make, not just a deductible, there was a copayment fee for some things and a coinsurance fee for other things (I still don't know what the difference is) and I think there were others I didn't encounter.

Rather than give me a straight dollar or percentage value I waited literal months to be sent a bill and they literally refused to tell me how much it would be in advance (I was told "somewhere between $0 and $1500 dollars).

Sometimes they covered certain nurse practitioners in the same office! But you didn't know which nurse you got in advance and could not ask, so how much you paid would be a surprise!!!

And every American I asked about this said this was actually a normal and pretty positive experience?!?!?!!? While I was there feeling like I was trying to bargain with some sort of eldritch entity that was also drunk.

If I thought I'd have to deal with this level of nonsensical randomness from my provincial government I would be terrified to. I have a lot more empathy for Americans' concern about it now.

Blogging this tweet because this explains SO MUCH about the mindset of pretty much all the folks I’ve known who’re against single-payer, it’s not even funny…

[lokis-army-77]

If You Please

Chapter four

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 1860

I'm bad at writing descriptions, so this is basically a reader insert into The First Avenger and then we'll see how it goes from there.

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Masterlist

After about thirty minutes of driving, we made it out of the tunnel, after another hour we made it to the camp. When the car was finally parked I slid out of the back seat and straightened my skirt. I looked over the top of the car at Peggy, she motioned for me to follow her. She led us to one of the army's many jeeps.

“The project recruits are in the training field, we’ll have to drive over to them." She hoisted herself up into the cab and I quickly followed suit. The ride to the training field was short, but in the few minutes, it took us to get there a wave of anxiety crashed onto me.

The thought of seeing Steve here was panic-inducing. I had only just seen him a few hours before but having him see me in the job that I had kept secret from him was not fun. I had a feeling that this was going to be a long day.

As the jeep came to a stop I could see the line of recruits and there stood Steve right in the middle of them. He wasn't that hard to miss, he did stick out like a sore thumb. I leaned up between Peggy and the driver and said, "I don't think i can do this right now."

Peggy looked over her shoulder at me, "you can do this Roger's, there is nothing to worry about. Let's just go do our job." I took a deep breath and nodded, exiting the jeep.

I trailed slowly behind Peggy and stopped just out of Steve's view. I watched while she introduced herself to the line of men. As she walked down the line one of the men commented on her accent. Turning to ask his name he responded with, "Gilmore Hodge, your majesty."

Peggy then asked him to step forward and once he had done so, he was swiftly met with a punch to the face. I let a small laugh out as he fell backward.

“Agent Carter, I see you’re breaking in the candidates. I also see that you’ve brought Agent Rogers as well,” Colonel Phillips called out as he and Dr. Erskine came towards the group. We both quickly gave him a salute. With the mention of my name, I knew my cover was blown and I walked out to where Peggy and Coronel Phillips stood and introduced myself. My eyes fell on Steve who looked utterly shocked.

The Coronel then proceeds to give his small speech about how we would win the war because we have “the best men”. When he noticed Steve he also added “and because they are going to get better.” He continued by telling the men about the SSR and what the goal of the program was. When the words super-soldier were said, I could see the men take a sharp breath in and puff their chests out. From the looks of it, I could already tell these men were not what a super-soldier should be. I continued to watch Steve as he sent me questioning looks. I mouthed to him that I would explain later and he nodded slightly.

After the Coronel’s speech was when the real work began. They went straight into training exercises, push-ups, sit-ups, jumping jacks, every exercise you could think of. I stood back and watched, only chiming in when I saw one of the men slacking or doing something incorrectly. Steve was in the middle of the group, trying his hardest to keep up with the others, but he never quit.

Once night fell the recruits were sent off to the canteen for supper. They all trotted off in a group but Steve didn’t move from the spot he had been in. I looked over at him and sighed. I waved Peggy on and walked over to my brother. He started to speak but I quickly interrupted him. “Before you say anything I want to say I’m sorry for keeping this from you, I was legally forbidden from saying anything to you.”

He stood there for a minute processing, mouth opening and closing like he was going to say something but then quickly thought better of it. He raked his hands through his hair and exhaled heavily. “I.. I have no idea what to say. When did you even have the time to join the SSR?” He asked, sounding a little cross.

“Do you remember when I started taking night classes down at the community college? Well, I was actually in training here with the SSR. I’m not really sure how it happened, it just did. I really wanted to tell you so bad, but I couldn’t. I hope you understand why.” My head hung low as I spoke, this and my engagement were the only two things I have ever kept from my brother and to have one less thing weighing on my mind felt like a relief.

“I understand, you only did what was asked of you,” he spoke calmly and pulled me into a hug.

“Thank you, Stevie.” I gave him a tight hug back. I let go and started to walk to the canteen. “Now, here I am your superior, I can't be giving you special treatment because you’re my big brother.”

“I wouldn’t want you to. So do I just call you Agent Rogers from now on? I'm not going to lie, that's a little weird,” He laughed, falling into step with me.

“Yes that's exactly what you should call me and I’ll just call you Rogers from now on, maybe with a little more force.” I chuckled and shook my head, “I have a meeting to get to so go get some supper and get your things unpacked. I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow morning at 0600, soldier.” I turned to my right and headed for the main office building of the camp.

Over the next few days, Peggy and I watched over the training of the recruits. I watched as Steve lagged behind in every exercise and obstacle, but he managed to pull through. He used his smarts to get through some of the tasks, unlike the others who relied on their brute force. Dr. Erskine kept a close eye on him whenever he was present on the training field. I knew that Steve was his one and only choice out of the group to help further the experiment we were conducting.

Today was no different than any other, I peered at the men doing seats of burpees in the midday heat. “Let's go girlies! Faster! My grandmother can do these faster than this!” I yelled, pacing back and forth behind the group. To my right, I noticed the

Coronel and Dr. Erskine had arrived. They were deep in a conversation when I heard Peggy shout from the front of the group and I turned back to watch the men do their exercises.

The next thing I knew someone was shouting “grenade”. The whole area went into a panic. I spotted the grenade and started towards it in hopes to reduce the damage it would do if it was just left to sit. Before I could reach it, Steve dove on top of it.

“Get away! Get back!” he yelled. I dropped to my knees next to him, my heart pounded in anxiety but the explosion never came. I realized that it was a dud, one of the grenades used to train with. Steve uncurled himself out of his position and looked over at Colonel Phillips and Dr. Erskine, “Is this a test?” I grabbed his arm and pulled him up to his feet with me.

“Well, that was interesting. I can’t believe you would jump on a grenade Steve,” I shook my head.

“You’re one to talk, I saw you running straight for it too. Even when I was on top of it you still stayed. I told you to get away,” he chided.

“Steve don’t scold me, I couldn't just let you blow up. That was really brave of you though. Not many people would do what you just did.”

“Mr. Rogers, Agent Rogers, please come see me for a moment,” called Dr. Erskine. Steve and I looked at one another and then walked over to the doctor. “Come, follow me.” He led us to a jeep where we hopped in and were taken to one of the office buildings.

Inside the office, Dr. Erskine pointed at two chairs for us to sit in while he went behind his desk and took his seat. “I’ll just get right to the point. Mr. Rogers, I believe you will be the best candidate for this operation. You too Agent Rogers. I believe you both will be the best options for what we are trying to do here.” He explained to us. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This project was supposed to only have one participant, not two.

“If I may, I thought this was only going to be carried out on only one person, why choose the both of us,” I questioned.

Dr. Erskine looked at Steve and then at me. “This is my experiment, I can choose however many test subjects I would like to perform on. Not only that but you both displayed what I would like a candidate for the experiment to have, and that's courage and a good heart. Agent Rogers I’ve known you for a couple years now and I have had you in mind for this for a while,” He paused and looked down at the papers on his desk, “I also believe that since I did some testing with your blood work that the success rate will be greater since the two of you are siblings.”

Steve and I nodded as we listened to what he was telling us. He continued to recount to us what he had experienced with Hitler and Johann Schmidt. He told us of the unfinished serum that Schmidt had taken and that there were dire consequences, he had gained power and strength but at what cost?

“The serum,” he paused, “the serum amplifies what is on the inside, not just physicality. Good becomes great and bad becomes worse. Not only did I choose you because of what I have seen in you but because I know that someone who is weak or has been looked down upon knows the value of strength and compassion, unlike the bully who has had power his whole life.” He poured himself a drink and then two more for us. “Just promise me that whatever happens in the lab tomorrow, you two will stay good-hearted and true to yourself, do not become the perfect soldiers they want you to be. Now, drink up, you have a procedure tomorrow no liquids or food will be allowed after 10 o’clock tonight.” He handed us our glasses and then he picked his own up. I glanced at Steve and after raising my glass in a toast I slung my head back and felt the burn of the alcohol sliding down my throat.

[prismatales]

Bitter Memories

First of all I'd like to thank @bnhabookclub for allowing me to join their server, thanks to them I got the chance to meet so much wonderful people that helped me out with this request. I'd like to thank @honeytama and @samanthaa-leanne for beta-reading this for me as well! You guys were some great help!

Now time for some sibling bonding between The birdbrain and his baby chick!

Warnings: MANGA SPOILERS, INJURIES, MENTIONS OF ABUSE, MENTIONS OF ALCOHOL, ANGST, FLUFF.

Your lungs felt like they were burning with each step you took, blood pressure reaching a terrifying level from the adrenaline running through your veins in a desperate attempt to reach a certain room.

The only command your brain seemed to understand was to look for HIM.

If there was something you absolutely despised was hospitals, the smell of medicine that overwhelmed your nostrils was despicable, hearing the wails of people as they lost a loved one always sent shivers through anyone's spine.

You rushed to the main desk, slamming both hands in front of the receptionist before asking for Takami Keigo's room, at first she only gave you a look, believing you were nothing more than a fangirl who happened to find out the winged hero had arrived to the hospital due to his injuries from the last mission. 

Imagine her surprise when you showed her an ID with the same last name as the current number two hero, that seemed to do the trick as she swiftly began tapping away on her computer with nothing but embarrassment on her face at the idea she almost told one of the hero's relatives to scram.

She didn't bother to say anything as she saw you running away to see him as soon as you were told in which room he was recovering.

The sound of your own heartbeat felt so loud and heavy against your ears it could almost be heard by anyone who happened to get close, the few nurses, doctors and patients that happened to pass by only say a blur passing them like a gust of wind. 

Nothing mattered to you in that moment but a single goal, to find your older brother. 

Hawks may be a pain in the ass most of the time who's always teasing you or trying to scare away any guy who happened to look in your direction for more than two minutes. 

He may have abandoned you with that pair of alcoholics you had the unfortunate luck of call "parents".

He may have left you behind all those years to become a hero.

But in the end he was still your older brother, the same dork that kept trying and trying to spend time with his little sister, even despite the may times his calls were ignored and sent over to voicemail. The same guy who got nothing but corn chips as birthday and christmas gifts and posted it on his twitter account with a smile at his sister's antics.

The same guy who had your back during that mission where you got severely injured, and that almost cost you the one thing that allowed Takami Y/N to follow the path of a hero...your wings.

Doors kept going and going one after another in a seemingly endless row as you ran around the halls.

424...425...426....

426! That was the number! The words "Takami Keigo" written neatly underneath.

You stood in place for a minute....gasping for air and feeling like someone had rubbed sandpaper inside your throat from how parched it felt, but that didn't matter in that moment, the only thing that really mattered was knowing your brother would be alright.

Knocking gently on the door before stepping inside didn't prepare you for the sight laid in front of your eyes.

There in a hospital bed sat your brother looking outside through the window, bandages littered almost his whole body as well as a good portion of his face from the way the left side of his face was also bandaged.

But what really knocked out all of your breath and caused bile to rapidly rise up your throat was the one thing that made people recognize Keigo as one of the best heroes all across Japan, the lack of those beautiful vermilion wings that grew on his back felt like a bucket of iced water had been thrown on your back.

"...Keigo?"

His head, which had been tilted up while admiring the world through the other side of the window, slowly turned back towards you, seeing the left side of his face, including his eye covered in bandages didn't help soothing the growing pit inside your stomach.

Keigo's eyes no longer held that characteristic mischievous energy of his, but they still had faint traces of that comforting warmth he always held for those he held close to him.

"...Y/N?"

Somehow hearing him call out your name instead of that annoying nickname you absolutely despised and he always used just for the sake of riling you up made a huge wave of pain crash into your very soul like a tsunami, never in life did you ever thought there would come a day where not hearing Keigo calling out for his "baby chick" would end up feeling this horribly painful.

Running up towards him caught Keigo off guard, more so when he felt the warmth of your body envelope his upper half and the way your whole body trembled like nothing but a mere leaf in the middle of a storm, somehow it made something inside him break, hands wrapping around your own shoulders to return the embrace before burying his face down.

In that moment Keigo realized just how touch starved he really is, all because of all those years of ruthless and rigorous training his younger self had to endure to become not a hero, but a weapon for a broken system.

"...Was it worth it Y/N?" He murmured sadly in the collar of your sweater, that voice was not Keigo's, but that of a broken man who's life had lost its whole meaning in a matter of hours, after all...that's exactly what happened to him when Dabi burned down his wings to nothing but ashes.

Keigo's words were confusing, but even though you tried to pull away to take a look at him the hold he had on you wouldn't budge.

"What do you mean Keigo?"

His whole body began trembling, for a second it almost seemed like he was the younger brother, the one seeking for the protection one could only get from someone as close as an older sibling.

"I know what you had to endure because of me" each word Keigo muttered made his voice slowly start breaking bit by bit.

"Having to grow up surrounded by trash bags and beer bottles scattered all over the floor, endure all of the yelling and the fighting..." You only held him tighter into your own body, knowing what exactly he was referring to in the first place.

"And after our old man was arrested and Ma left?...you had to deal with that asshole all by yourself 'cause nobody else believed you"

"What are you talking about birdbrain? are you high on morphine or something?" you had a suspicion of where this was going and tried to find a way to change the subject, but Keigo didn't budge one bit.

"Aika, that darned foster sister of yours, I know how much she enjoyed to bother you and make you cry...How she always said your whole family abandoned you"

Of course he knew about that...How the only child of that foster family disliked you, hating the idea of having to share her parents with someone that wasn't even related to them.

Every time Keigo would come to visit she'd try to get his attention, having similar ages made her develop a crush on your brother, and when his visits became less frequent she made it her goal to make your life miserable, spewing cold harsh lies about Keigo getting tired of coming to see you, in the beginning her words would only end up being ignored.

However bit by bit the cruel whispers slowly began digging deep inside your heart, despite knowing she only said those thing to hurt you. It was more painful having to wait for Keigo's visit while sitting outside, sometimes even for hours just to realize he didn't show up that day. 

Even though you tried hard not to, slowly her words began corrupting the image you had of Keigo, until eventually you started becoming bitter towards him. 

It went on for years, and every time you tried telling on her with your foster parents they only brushed it off thinking it was only an exaggeration, Aika was cunning after all and only did this when your parents were not around, or would whisper those cruel words lowly enough for only you to hear.

Aika didn't see it coming when after a fall out with one of her friends, said girl told everything to Hawks after being rescued by the hero during a villain attack, her friend knew you were related to said man because Aika always complained about her annoying foster sister to anybody nearby, much to their annoyance.

Neither she or her family expect the number two hero himself to come into their home shortly shortly after you moved into the dorms, much less with proof and witnesses of everything she had said and done to his sister over the years, saying her parents were upset was putting it low, they were livid to find out what their "sweet" daughter had been doing for years.

The shame when they realized all those claims were true was suffocating, neither of them could even see the hero eye to eye as he gave the young woman a cold harsh glare, all she could do was grit her teeth in rage and shame knowing she had been caught. 

"How did you find out?" Just hearing the name Aika was almost enough to make you want to cry, you'd never forgive that girl as long as you lived...

"I found out through some of her friends, you should have seen their faces when I arrived at their home and confronted her" He chuckled dryly, still bitter at the idea that girl kept bothering you endlessly even after you got accepted into UA.

"You don't have to worry about her anymore baby chick" His hold became softer, and so did the pressure inside your chest when that little nickname came out of his mouth, had he seen the pained smile on your face his brother instincts would have probably kicked in into high alert.

"Just tell me you didn't threaten them" Keigo pulls away to give you an offended look that quickly morphed into a teasing smile.

"What do you take me for? Some kind of monster?" His hands ruffles your hair "I just had a talk with them, besides her parents did more than enough if I do say so myself, you should have seen her face when they took away her car keys, some spoiled brat you had to deal with over the years" 

You huffed in agreement, remembering how she always kept whining to your foster parents to give her money so she could go shopping with her friends, and the glare she sent in your direction if they ever told her to take you along for the day.

"You know, having to deal with our parents and her made me stronger, I may have resented you for a long time Keigo...but I can't really say that I actually hated you in the first place"

His expression changed in an instant, eyebrows furrowed in frustration over the fact you kept trying to lighten the subject.

"Y/N, you were a child, you didn't need to be strong, you needed to be safe and I failed to do the one thing your brother should have done all those years ago, protect his little sister"

The room went silent for a minute, neither you or Keigo said anything else for a while, he knew he was right, you knew he was right, but it's not like you could turn back time to fix everything that went downhill all those years ago...

"I failed you Y/N, but lord help me if I'm not going to make it up to you for everything. Whenever you need help with something, no matter what it is, homework, internships, hiding a body" The last one was obviously a joke by the sound of his voice "just come looking for your big brother"

It was like a switch had been flipped inside your head, all those years of pent up frustration directed towards Keigo disappeared in an instant, even if you tried to force yourself to feel mad it was impossible.

Not like you had anything to be mad about anymore...

"Then...I want to do the same for you birdbrain" Your eyes traveled to the bandages adorning his back, and he knew in that instant where the conversation was heading. Hesitating filled your thought for a minute before mustering enough courage to ask him about it.

"What did the doctors say...about your wings?" 

He didn't answer for some time, and it worried you that somehow the question may have made him upset, but then he finally replied with a tired look on his face.

"They...don't think my wings may grow back again" He sounded lost, and in a way he was, it was because of his quirk that the hero commission took interest in him to begin with, the same reason they took him in to train as one of their best heroes to exist, the very same reason he had left you behind in the first place.

Hawks was their best agent... but now he was Hawks no more, he was just Takami Keigo, nothing more than just another civilian to them, someone that had to be protected from villains. 

The only purpose they had for him was completely gone.

"Is there anything they can try? Maybe Recovery girl can do something about it?" You couldn't let this go so casually, there had to be way to help him out.

"I'm sorry baby chick...but I guess...this is the end for Hawks" His retort was heartbreaking, everything he had worked so hard for was gone in a matter of hours, and there was nothing you could do about it...

There may not be a way to help him out, but there was definitely no way you'd let his legacy die in vain.

"If there's nothing else to help bring them back..." Slowly you started speaking, voice full of determination made Keigo look back at you in surprise once you continued with your speech.

"...Then let me be your wings..."

There might be no way to bring his wings back, but that didn't mean Hawks was gone for good.

You made him a promise you intended to keep no matter what.

No longer after that day filled with pain and tears...years later when a new generation of heroes rose up to protect the world...A new Hawks fleed high through the skies with nothing but a single purpose, her one and only goal was hard, but nothing could bring her down.

To defeat those who brought pain upon this world and protect those people in dire need of help.

If there was something Takami Y/N knew better than anybody was to be strong, and she would use that very same strength she maintained over the years to keep her family's legacy alive.

MASTERLIST

@t-amajiki @undead0relived @shoobirino @bnha-ra @godtieruwu @mysticalite @bnhabookclub

[curiousconch]

Scarlet Letters

Chapter 2 of Ricochet (An Open Heart AU)

Catch up here: Prologue | Chapter 1

Chapter Synopsis: Grappling with the aftermath of her breakup with Rafael, Heather is faced by yet another threat, forcing her out of her apartment. Bryce and her other friends come to her aide.

Pairings: Rafael Aveiro x MC (Dr. Heather Song) | Bryce Lahela x MC (Dr. Heather Song)

Words: 2.4k+ | Genre: Crime, Mystery, Thriller, Romance

Rating/Warnings: Mature (16+) / language, hints of violence

Author’s Notes: Majority of the characters are owned by Pixelberry, except the main character Heather Song. Please let me know if you want me to tag you in the next chapters. Comments and suggestions are certainly very welcome! Thank you for reading!

Heather can't remember how she covered the distance to her building, nor how she arrived in front of her apartment door. Grateful for the silence that embraced her as she got inside, she went directly to her room. Once the door shut closed, she finally let go of the flood that brimmed from her eyes. Crouching down on the carpeted floor, in that dark rainy night, she sobbed like never before.

What she can only remember is how hopeful she was tonight before it all ended.

She planned the surprise for him on the first day she landed in Maryland, coming to the realization that she was waging an unnecessary war against him and his efforts to comfort her. It never occurred to her that she will be too late.

She squinted at the picture of the bodies entangled in Rafael's living room couch. She can still vividly see it, along with the sound of the breaking bottle of wine she bought at the airport.

She heard rumors. That's all she thought it was - baseless whispers of people seeing Rafael with someone else. Even her friends Sienna and Elijah tried to warn her of what was happening, but she was so deep in denial that she didn't dare to listen. She trusted him that much.

Her sweet and charming Raf. Her savior. Her love. She never wanted to be so wrong as badly as she did at that moment.

The man whom she thought she exactly needed and wanted was the same person who wreaked havoc in her soul.

She wanted to forgive him, in her heart she wanted to give him another chance. But her brain screamed against it, her past life bursting in all shades of red inside her mind.

The portraits of her teenage years flashed before her eyes one by one, like horrific creatures escaping from her personal Pandora's box:

That fateful day she came home early because she was sick during her junior year in high school, the sound of voices in the master bedroom.

Her dad and a strange woman enamored.

The bags and boxes containing her father's belongings. The divorce and its fallout.

Her mom working night and day to put her through school, leaving her alone most of the time.

Cancer. Losing her mom because of it. The reason why she wanted to be a doctor.

It cost her half of her life to submerge those experiences in the trenches of her adolescence. But now, all of it was bursting over the surface, like large waves in the sea of her present. She felt like drowning.

Helpless, she wailed, wanting nothing but the indescribable hurt to fade away. But it didn't, instead, it stayed, for how long she have no idea.

With her ears ringing and her whole body sore, she fell into a troubled slumber. It wasn't until the next morning that she saw the scarlet letters painted on her walls.

***

Jordan huffed as he jogged away from the sidewalk into the alley nearby. His black hoodie cast a shadow dark enough to hide his face.

He discarded the plastic bags in the dumpster, a soft thump sounded as the spray paint canisters rattled against the bottom.

He found his way to his parked car nearby and jumped in, removing his leather gloves and shoving it into the compartment. He briefly looked at his watch - 10:36pm. He roughly had about 24 minutes before the meeting.

Backing up from the alley, he drove out to the main street and made sure he wasn't being followed. He took the next turn to the highway, flipping on his radio, humming along the music.

When he arrived at his destination, he found a nearly-empty parking lot. He found a solitary Lexus near the back fence and parked his car several meters away. He took a discreet path towards the black car and hopped inside, pulling the hood off his head.

"It's done," he spoke to a man in a suit at the back seat, and showed a picture of red spray paint on blue walls. "You'll hear it on the news tomorrow."

The man beside him silently nodded, sneering at the image. He withdrew a thick manila envelope from his side and gave it to Jordan.

"As requested,"

Jordan peeked into the contents, revealing a thick wad of cash and a glint of black metal.

Contented, he stepped out of the vehicle and got back to his own. Turning on the ignition, he thought to himself - Phase 1 check. Time for phase 2.

***

The sound of scrambling footsteps overlapped with the loud and panicked shrieks within the walls of Heather's bedroom.

Jackie came in first, ready to curse the abomination of Heather's screams as she came in to the apartment, after pulling an all-nighter. She stopped in her tracks darting at the direction where the other's frightened gaze was fixated.

After hearing Jackie's panicked shouts, Sienna and Elijah followed suit into Heather's bedroom. Upon entering, all their eyes shot across the pale blue wallpaper, a scene right out of a horror movie, coming to life in front of them.

LEAVE BOSTON NOW, OR ELSE.

The characters were sloppily written in red spray paint, as if someone spelled it in haste.

Sienna was the first one to rush to Heather's side, sliding an arm around her in an attempt to comfort her. Elijah got out of the room to call 911, muffling Jackie as she cursed with a mouth of sailor.

Within 15 minutes, the police arrived.

Elijah also sent a text to their group chat, alerting Aurora and the rest of their friends as to what just transpired.

A flurry of replies came in right after. Bryce's was among those text messages.

His face crumpled with anxiety as he sat staring blankly at his phone. He was in his office, his oak desk was filled with case files, all of which he recently dug out from the records department to assist on the reopening of the investigation.

This recent attempt to terrorize his star witness made him speechless. The person behind this is getting bold, he observed.

He decided to abandon his attempt to work on a Saturday, unable to quell his worries. He stood up, got his leather briefcase and made his way to the parking lot.

He drove as fast as he could, plying through traffic effortlessly, navigating the familiar route using muscle memory. He ran into their apartment building, and practically raced to the closing elevator to bring him to the penthouse.

When the familiar door came into view open, he let himself in, his eyes darting around.

Gone was the serenity of the brunches he shared with the group. The scene he stepped into was just chaos.

A barrage of yellow markers were strewn in the apartment, while several people were trying to collect any traces of evidence left behind by the perp. Police tape marked one doorway, a few voices discussing possible theories as to how the events unfolded.

In the middle of it was a frail figure wrapped in a thick gray blanket, and he instantly recognized who it was. "Hey," he managed to say coolly as he strode towards her.

Heather looked up at the towering figure who just crossed the living room. She offered a weak smile, trying to hide the turbulent emotions inside her.

Bryce could see right through her though, but he just smiled back, understanding that she wasn't quite ready to open up yet. As he reached out to touch her hand, he was interrupted by the sound of Rafael's booming voice as he stormed into the room.

"I came as I heard, are you alright?" Heather's boyfriend said as he rushed in to kneel down in front of her, looking very much concerned.

"What are you doing here?" The hatred in Heather's quiet voice made Bryce's eyebrows shoot up.

He saw Rafael immediately retreat, an apologetic look in his face, as if he forgot who he was. He saw Raf's instantaneous shift, then went to leave them to talk to the police at the now cordoned room.

He gently nudged Heather, a wordless question in his face. She shook her head and frowned, peeking at her roommates and the CSI team moving about the apartment.

Clearly, she didn't want to discuss it with strangers around, Bryce figured. He nodded, his eyes softening as he realized that there was more events to uncover beyond what he can see.

After an hour, the deputy in charge motioned for the group to gather in the living room. Once they were all there, he began to explain that Heather's room will be a designated crime scene indefinitely.

"I strongly suggest staying somewhere else, we don't know the and exact nature of this, at least not yet. Choose a place that offers the the most security, but preferably somewhere nearby."

With this, Bryce saw Rafael about to raise his hand. Seeing the panic in Heather's face, he quickly blocked the other man's attempt.

"Keiki's in boarding school, so I have a spare bedroom. You can stay there temporarily," he winked at Heather, assuring her that he got her back.

"Why should she stay with you? Rafael's an FBI agent. She should stay with him," Jackie contradicted as she stood behind Heather, unable to see her discomfort.

"But that's what exactly the attacker expects. We have to get one step ahead of them." Bryce countered.

"But Rafael's her -"

"Enough." One stern look from Heather was all it took to shut Jackie up, her other roommates visibly confused. She shot them each a pleading glance, making all eyes shift to Rafael's tall figure across the room. He immediately hunched his shoulders as if in concession.

"I'm staying with Bryce temporarily. He's right, we have to be at least a step ahead if I want to stay alive." She mouthed a thank you to Bryce, then turned back to her other friends. "Sienna, can I please borrow a few of your clothes? I can't touch anything in my room, except the suitcase I brought in from my trip."

"Of course." Sienna left the room while the others still shared a puzzled look between Heather and Rafael.

Agreeing to her new housing arrangements, the deputy nodded and excused himself, stepping out the apartment. He beckoned the rest of his team out before leaving behind his card, asking them to give him a call if they remember anything new. Taking that as his queue to leave, Rafael left after, looking deflated.

When the group was all that's left in the penthouse, Heather told them about the breakup, clearing the awkwardness from the room. She told them everything - from catching an early flight to surprise Rafael, to her ending up being the one surprised, witnessing her boyfriend's betrayal.

"That son-ov-a-bitch!" Jackie cussed, Elijah only shook his head. Bryce's reaction was a mixture of speechlessness and confusion.

"I-I know I've told you about my suspicions, but I had no idea Rafael had it in him to prove them right," a meek Sienna told Heather, her firm hand rubbing against her arm.

"Well however you look at it, he fucked up. So bad." Bryce whistled, his mouth stiff with the effort to wrestle with the truth bomb Heather just dropped.

"For once in this life, I agree with you, meathead," Jackie nodded to his direction, her eyes softening as she turned to comfort Heather in her own way.

They each tried to console her, but Heather insisted she was fine. Bryce saw her defensive body language, so he made it his mission to provide Heather an escape route.

"All right people, don't you have sleep to get to? Gotta keep you all well-rested. Can't have you bitten off your asses by Dr. Ramsey, am I right?" Apparently, the mention of the infamous grumpy attending was more than enough to make them back off.

He grabbed the duffel bag Sienna produced and grabbed her black suitcase along. Heather removed the thick blanket around her and replaced it with her brown trench coat hanging on the couch.

After what seemed like endless hugging and assuring each of them that she'll be fine, she followed Bryce into the elevator to the garage.

They loaded the bags onto his silver Camry's trunk in silence, and got into the car. Heather instantly sighed in relief as she settled into the passenger's seat. Bryce navigated his way out of the basement and into the street, his amber eyes alternately darting from the road to his friend.

"Well, you look like shit."

"Thanks?" she smiled back at him, unable to stifle a chuckle.

"No problem. You know I'm not one to give false commentary." He grinned, before finally focusing in his driving.

It wasn't long before they arrived in Bryce's sleek condominium complex. She knew the building was newly-built and probably the most secure residence in the city money can afford. Bryce called it Boston's Fort Knox, so when he offered his place, it seemed to be the best solution.

It was initially a bachelor's pad, with enough space for a kitchen, a living area with floor to ceiling windows, and two bedrooms. But over the past few months, it transformed into something more homey, a place where the Lahela siblings can call their own.

It wasn't Heather's first time there. She spent many of her day offs there, all just to help him with his relationship with Keiki, Bryce's teenage sister. She also had the most hand in how it looks inside now.

As they stepped into the condo, Bryce couldn't help but notice how Heather's looked around. The sight of her in his place brought back fond memories.

After a few moments, he urged her to move forward, and led her to the bedroom across the hall.

He unlocked the door and let her in, a mixture of yellow, blue and white interiors welcomed her. It was a homage to the sun, sea and sand of their native state Hawaii.

"Do you want anything? A drink? Something to eat? Boxing gloves to punch someone with?" Bryce leaned on the room's doorway, watching her as she settled in.

As if on queue, her stomach rumbled, and he can't help but laugh.

"Do you still have a pack of ramyun here? I'll come out to cook once I don't look like the piece of shit you just called me." Heather rolled her eyes at him, grabbing a towel from the nearby dresser.

"Nah, I'll whip it up myself you just make yourself presentable to eat my majestic korean noodles." He bowed to her like a butler would before setting course back to the kitchen.

She snickered as she stepped into the shower. Leave it to Bryce Lahela to lighten up the mood.

Tags - @choicesficwriterscreations @eleanorbloom @ramsey-lahela

[imzadi-caskett-huddy]

In My Veins (3/?)

House, M.D. Fanfic

Thanks to everyone for reading and for the notes left. I really do like reading your thoughts, so keep them coming. Also, those worried about House and Cuddy getting back together quickly, don't worry. It's not that simple, no matter what was in the last chapter and what you might think after this chapter. Also, fair disclaimer, I might have some details wrong as far as what happened at the end of the show... sorry, just go with it. And I know Cameron was gone... she's back because without Wilson, I needed a but of a sounding board. She won't be annoying, don't worry.

My song companion piece for this chapter is APOCALYPTIC by Halestorm. You can find it on Youtube. Great band, and it really inspired the ending. Also if I actually owned House and characters, I wouldn't have to write fanfic...I just would have made it all canon, so there's that.

A huge thank you to @love-hope-faith-feels-like-a-lie on Tumblr for helping to brainstorm a but and for reading all my stuff and helping edit and give feedback on what works and what doesn't. Enjoy!

xxxxx

"House isn't dead?"

Cuddy looked up from her desk to see Dr. Cameron entering her office with the memo she had sent out to everyone on the board about hiring House. "I know. I rehired him."

"No, I know. I just meant... you're not surprised? How long have you known?"

"Wilson told me at the funeral." She went back to her work then like it was no big deal. It really wasn't to her at this point.

Cameron was quiet for a moment, digesting all of this. "So you've known this whole time that he faked his death? Why didn't you say anything?"

"It wasn't my place."

"It wasn't your place to let everyone who was grieving know that he was alive?"

Cuddy had a 'seriously' look on her face when she glanced up from her file. It was House... the only two people legitimately grieving for him were Cuddy and Wilson. "No, it wasn't. I was no longer his boss. I was no longer his girlfriend."

"Why?"

Cuddy breathed deeply. "I was already gone. Wilson was dying. He wanted to be there for his best friend for once. I wasn't going to be the one who stood in his way."

Cameron was quiet again. "You're still in love with him."

Cuddy's eyes widened. "I am not...I'm the one who ended things. He drove a car through my house!"

"And you still love him," Cameron insisted.

"I left to get away from him."

"Leaving someone doesn't mean you stop loving them."

"Is that why you're back here working at the same hospital as Chase?" Cuddy deflected then.

Cameron was quiet for a moment. "Is that why you rehired him?" she countered with a pointed look.

Cuddy sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I hired him to keep an eye on him. Wilson was all he had. I just want to make sure he's not going to self destruct more than normal."

Cameron just shook her head. She could see House entering the hospital through the glass door of Cuddy's office. "I hope you know what you're doing, otherwise the hospital is going to be ground zero when the time bomb goes off."

The two women exitted the office and walked out of the clinic just in time to hear House's declaration. "Ladies and gentlemen, I have cured death!" he started. "Elvis is back in the building. If you've got questions, direct them toward Dr. Cuddy," he pointed in the direction of her office in the clinic with his cane. He then started toward the elevator.

Cameron simply looked at Cuddy, as did the other staff in the lobby. "Yeah, this isn't going to blow up at all," she said sarcastically, walking away from the mess House had seemingly already made.

Cuddy closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "House, my office," she called before he could get too far.

He stopped and smiled slightly. "I knew it wouldn't be long before she just had to have me," he commented as he passed the nurse's station on the way into the clinic. "You bellowed?" He smirked as her office door closed.

She wasn't going to let him get to her. She wasn't going to bring up the kiss or anything about them. This was all going to be professional. "Maybe give the staff a few days to readjust to you before you start making bold declarations like you did this morning. Most of them are still shocked to see you alive."

"You mean you didn't post my picture all over the hospital and announce my out of retirement tour? Bummer," he commented.

She rolled her eyes. "The only people who got a memo was the board of directors. I have to notify them of any new doctor I hire in as a department head. Or in your case, a co-head."

He arched an eyebrow. "Co-head? I don't share my dictator power, you know that."

"Well you're going to have to learn. Dr. Chase took over diagnostic medicine when you left. He's done a good job, and I'm not going to demote him just because you've come back."

"Chase stole my department?"

"You left, House, that's not stealing. The hospital wasn't going to just keep the department around without an attending to run it. Chase was the most qualified. And he takes more than one case at a time," she countered, taking a seat behind her desk and crossing her arms. It was the safest place for her right then. It kept a barrier between them.

"You're really keeping him in charge of my department?"

"He's not in charge. You're both in charge. It's a good thing, House. It's going to let you ease back in. It gives you the puzzle you need. And Chase isn't Foreman... he's not going to butt heads with you or override you. I'm the only one who gets stuck in that particular level of hell."

He didn't like that arrangement, particularly, but she did have a point. Chase wasn't as bad as Foreman. He could usually manipulate Chase into getting what he wanted. "This isn't going to work," he said simply before leaving to begin the familiar walk back to his old office. He knew she wasn't going to give in, so he was stuck in the situation, at least for now.

When he stepped off the elevator, he walked down the familiar hallway. He passed by a familiar office and stopped long enough to give it a look, seeing the new name on the door. Taking a deep breath he continued on until he pushed open his old door with his cane and stepped inside.

"House..." Chase looked up from the file he was starting to review. "You're not dead."

He just gave the other man a look. "Clearly." He moved further into the office, going to the desk and dropping his bag, looking out the window toward the balcony that was on the back of what used to be Wilson's office. He breathed deeply again before grabbing his bag and turning to leave the office just as quickly as he'd come in.

"House!" Chase started.

"If you've got questions, call Cuddy," he called over his shoulder.

"We have a case!" Chase called from the open office door, only to see House continue walking. "House!"

House got on the elevator and went back to the main floor. He marched right back into Cuddy's office, past her objecting assistant. "I need a new office," he stated, leaning on his cane as he stood in front of her desk.

She took another moment before looking up from her file. "What's wrong with your old office?"

"Don't like it. Chase made it into a shrine for his ex-wife."

Cuddy just rolled her eyes and went back to her work. "You aren't getting a new office."

"I can't work in my old office. And while we're on the topic of needs...I need to hire a new team."

She looked up again and leaned back in her chair since he clearly was not going away. "You don't need to hire a team. The Diagnostics Department is already fully staffed with a team of excellent doctors."

"That's Team Chase. I need Team House. You have two department heads. We each get a team," he insisted.

She shook her head. "That's not how this works. You share the team that's there. It's not unreasonable. You personally only take one case at a time... I'm not hiring more doctors into that department for one extra case. I don't have the budget for that because I hired you."

"My salary is not equal to what it costs for my own team."

"No, your salary isn't. But when I hired you, I not only had to budget for your salary...I also had to budget for your lawsuits, the MRI machines you always seem to misuse and break, and all the other various incidental costs that come with employing an egomaniac like you," she pointed out. "Use the team. They're good."

He clenched his jaw for a moment before hitting his cane on the ground a few times. "Fine. I'll use Team Chase under protest. I still need a new office."

She shook her head. "There is no office available. Your office is fine. It's the biggest office outside of mine."

"Right... great idea. I'll just use your office until there is one available."

Her eyes widened and she pushed her chair back from her desk. "You will not!" She stood to face him.

"Then find me another office. Otherwise I'm moving in."

"I told you, there is no other office."

"Alright, Roomie," he said, moving to take a seat in one of her more comfortable chairs. "When my stethoscope is on the door, it means I've got a hooker in here."

She managed to contain her temper, instead moving back behind her desk. Maybe if she just ignored him, he'd realize he wasn't getting the attention he wanted and just go away.

xxxxx

House stood on her porch, beating on her door with his cane.

"Stop making so much noise. You're going to wake up Rachel," Cuddy said, pulling her robe tighter around herself as she opened the door.

"Not my problem. I wouldn't be here banging on the door if her mother weren't such a controlling idiot," he pushed past her.

"Right. Why don't you come in. We can talk about how I'm the idiot," she shook her head as she closed the door. She had expected to butt heads with him again, had even expected him to show up at her house to argue his point. But she hadn't expected it so soon. He hadn't even been back a whole week yet. She also wasn't sure what, if anything exactly, had set him off.

"You said I could have a team."

She just looked at him for a moment. Really? This was what he was so upset about? "I already told you. You do have a team. Chase and the three fellows that make up the diagnostics department."

"And I already told you. That's Chase's team. I want my team."

She gave a soft laugh. "There are four doctors...five, counting yourself, that make up the diagnostic department. Six if you count bugging Cameron in the ER with your theories. Seven if you count me vetoing your crazy theories and unnecessary procedures. That's more than enough to bounce theories around and handle your single patient of the week. I'm not letting you hire anyone else."

"First of all, you're not a real doctor, so you don't count," he started in on her. "Cameron isn't nearly as helpful now as she was when she worked for me. And Chase's team is too busy dealing with Chase's patients to be worried about my patient. I want my own team," he insisted angrily.

"No," she crossed her arms. "There are three doctors you can use to your heart's content. One patient a week does not justify me adding another team to your department."

He rolled his eyes. "You're an idiot!"

"You already said that," she pointed out.

"You're a horrible doctor. And you're cheap. You being a cheap idiot is what killed my patient!"

Ah... so that's what this was about. His patient had died. "You want to blame me because you didn't figure out the diagnosis," she stated.

"I'm blaming you because you're too cheap and too stubborn to let me have my own team. If I had my own team, they would have focused on my one patient instead of my one patient and Chase's three! My patient died because I don't have a team that is focused. We missed something because the team had to split their focus! They had to split their focus because you have some ridiculous urge to try to control me! This is on you!"

She gave a laugh. "Really? I think you've more than proven over the years that I have no control over you. You're uncontrollable," she countered. "Even when we were together you made it clear that I never controlled you."

He clenched his jaw and turned a bit more to really square off with her. She wasn't pissed off enough yet... he'd poke a different spot, push a different button. "That's what this little power play is really about. Me. You're still hot for me. And it drives you crazy."

She arched an eyebrow. "What are you even talking about?"

"You're pissed at me over everything that happened with us. This is your way of getting back at me for the way things ended."

"Don't go there," she warned lowly. That was a very dangerous hole to go down.

That's exactly where he wanted to go. He'd found the exact button to push and now he wasn't going to stop. This was the reaction he'd wanted. "Our entire relationship, you constantly said you never wanted me to change who I was. You knew how screwed up I was. You acknowledged it. I think it even got you off. You said you never wanted me to change. But in the end it did matter. Turns out that you really did want me to change after all. You probably thought you were such a great catch that you could make me change."

"I didn't break up with you because you didn't change. And for the record, I never asked you to."

"No, it was because one time when I thought you were dying, I slipped up. I thought I was losing the woman I loved, and I took a pill to numb everything for a few hours because I didn't know how to deal with that kind of pain."

"House, stop," she swallowed hard. She could feel her temper flaring with every word.

"I made one mistake. One. And the almighty, perfect Dr. Cuddy just couldn't be with anyone who isn't as perfect as she is! Only aside from your ass, there's not a perfect bone in your body."

"One mistake?! You think you only made one mistake our entire relationship? I never said I was perfect, but you...you lied to me. Multiple times. You weren't there when I needed you. You never showed up when I needed you... it was only when it was convenient for you and your damn ego! When I was sick you brought your whole team to try to diagnose me!"

"Because I was trying to save you!"

"You don't get to run around playing God! You can't decide who lives and dies, House! You can't save everyone! I didn't want House the doctor, I wanted House the man I loved!"

"This isn't about money or even you being stubborn. This is about you and me. This is about you being so angry at yourself that despite everything I've done, everything that happened, you can't help but still want me. You're still attracted to me, and you hate it,  hate yourself. So you're blaming me... taking it out on me with the one thing that you can control. My work," he growled angrily.

"If that were true, why the hell would I have rehired you?!"

"Because you want to fuck with me... in both senses of the word!" He yelled at her. "It's not my fault you can't control yourself around me. It's not my fault you still want me and what only I can do for you. It's not my fault..."

She interrupted him with a hot, angry kiss. It was searing and fierce, biting his lower lip roughly. When they both pulled away a moment later, they just stared at each other... really, more of a glare. They were both angry...at each other, at the situation, at the truth. They both were upset. That was it... the gasoline had been poured on and this was the final spark that caused the explosion.

Her hands fisted in his shirt pulling him against her as her lips crashed hard into his. His cane dropped as his hands yanked her robe open and began roaming possessively. There was nothing tender or gentle in the way he touched her... nor in the way she touched him. This was raw, unbridled passion and lust... tension that had been building between them probably since things ended if they were being brutally honest with themselves.

Her robe finally fell from her shoulders and her back hit the wall hard. His fingers were rough on her skin, grabbing her body in ways she knew would leave bruises, but she couldn't bring herself to care... leaving her own marks on his body from her mouth and nails.

She didn't even care about his shirt, going straight for his belt and jeans. They weren't going to make it to her bedroom. Even if this weren't such an urgent need for both of them, she wasn't ready to invite him back into her bed. So she shoved him down on the couch, yanking his pants over his hips in the process. She moved to straddle him, teeth moving over the skin of his neck until they sunk into his pulse point hard, eliciting a deep groan from his chest.

His fingers dug into her hips hard enough to leave fingerprint bruises, and his eyes were dark as they met hers. He quickly pushed her to her back underneath him on the couch, unwilling to give her the control he knew she wanted. His mouth ravaged every inch of available skin, biting and sucking, leaving marks everywhere that would serve as a reminder of him. At the same time his hands moved underneath her nightgown groping possessively, pulling her close and making sure he reminded her that no one else knew her body the way he did.

She gave him a few minutes to think he was in control, but there was no way she was letting him keep it. Her hands groped his shirt and pulled it over his head, tossing it somewhere to the side. Before he could realize it, she gave a shove to flip him to his back, which sent them both falling off the couch. He landed on the floor with a thud and a grunt, and she landed on top of him triumphantly. Her thighs straddled his, and she pinned his wrists to the floor on either side of his head, refusing to let him touch her for the moment. Her mouth ran along his throat, teeth grazing the skin as she dropped her hips.

xxxxx

By the time they were done, they were both still laying on the floor where they'd landed when they rolled off the couch, only he was now on top of her. His shirt was on her coffee table, his pants still around his ankles. They both had red marks on their bodies that would most likely turn into bruises, bite marks in various places, and she'd left rather nasty scratches down his back with her nails that had broken skin.

Neither said a word. Neither even moved until soft footsteps were heard in the hall. "Mommy?"

Shit. Rachel was awake and apparently out of bed. She gave House a shove so she could slip out from underneath him. "Go back to bed, Sweetie. I'll be there in a minute, okay?" She called to her daughter, hoping her voice still sounded normal. She waited until she heard the footsteps fade back down the hallway before getting up, still without a word to him. She straightened her nightgown and picked up her robe as she disappeared to take care of her daughter.

House laid on his back, staring up at her ceiling for a few moments before finally sitting up and redressing. Pushing himself up, he limped over to where his cane had landed and picked it up before silently letting himself out of her house. He stood on her porch for a few moments, trying to process his conflicting thoughts and feelings before shaking his head and starting toward his bike. He couldn't let this happen again. He knew he'd never be what she needed. He wasn't the right guy for a single mom. And he knew that she knew that. So he wasn't going to torture himself with the rejection that would inevitably come.

[havekiddoswilltravel]

#notwithoutmychild An American Traveling Family’s Take on the Zero Tolerance Policy

Let’s attempt to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes...

Photo credit: Rebecca Wilhite Photography

When our first born was 15 months old, my family traveled to the Dominican Republic on an extended family vacation with my parents and sister. At that time, children could travel with both parents with an official raised seal United States birth certificate and didn’t need a passport. As a first time parent, I was naive enough to trust this process and off we went. We entered the Dominican Republic with no problems, a bienvenidos and a smile. We spent 7 nights enjoying the picturesque waters and beaches of the island, while also visiting family and friends. To our surprise, at the end of our trip as were going through customs and immigration in Santo Domingo, we (my husband, baby girl and I) were separated from my parents and sister and brought into the back room. After several minutes of complete silence, agents looking at our passports, plane tickets and her birth certificate while whispering to each other in Spanish, we were called to the desk. It turns out that the custom agent whom check us into the country stamped the adult’s passports and inadvertently didn’t stamp our daughter’s birth certificate. Thus, there was no record of her entering the island and we basically looked like child traffickers. Here we were, young law abiding American Citizen parents stuck in limbo in the holding area with no idea how to get out of this predicament.

Our story had a happy ending for many reasons

First, I am a Dominican born United States citizen and was traveling with a U.S. born U. S. citizen husband who also happened to be an M. D. Why does this matter you may ask? I’m fluent in Spanish and could understand all of the speculations being made by the officers. I could also advocate for our family fluently in their native language without needed U.S. embassy involvement. Dominicans are known to value and respect education and titles. Having my husband be a doctor may have actually helped them believe me and added credibility to our side of the story. Having licensiado and doctor in front of your name goes a long way in Latin American culture. 

Secondly, I am obsessive with documenting our children's lives and had a lot more time to do so with just one child. As a result, I was able to produce pictures on my phone and camera from her birth, first year of life and our family vacation on the island. I even had pictures of her on the plane and as we entered the customs area a week prior. Phew! By the grace of God, we dodged that bullet, but the scars have stayed with me.

Lastly, as a Dominican American who’s traveled in and out of both countries extensively, I had an insider’s view of both cultures. I was able to navigate and use that to our advantage and this resulted in us leaving many other people behind in that holding room and not even missing our flight. Others are not so lucky. 

The lack of empathy and dehumanization of immigrants is troubling and hurtful. Our family’s immigration story is the epitome of the American Dream, on the surface at least. My mother is a college educated Dominican whom actually taught English in the Dominican Republic prior to our family immigrating to the United States in the early 80′s. This did not protect us from the trauma and pain associated with any immigrant story. My parent’s decision to move to the United States was made in order to provide their children with educational opportunities. What started off as an idealistic and financially tasking undertaking, turned out to be one of the most traumatic experiences of our family’s lives. It has shaped my passion for social justice and the disenfranchised. 

My father traveled to the United States first (once our papers were granted) in order to secure a job and set up a place for us to live prior to my mother traveling with the three kids. My mother unexpectedly got a call that my father had been detained and held while attempting to enter the United States. She had to immediately leave her teaching job, home and three children behind in order to clear my father. Why? My mother had been sponsored by her eldest sister and she had in turn sponsored my father and us. She was not aware that because her name was the primary on my father’s residence card (green card), he couldn’t legally enter the United States for the first time without her. I was the youngest of their three kids at that time and though only four years old, I remember the confusion, sadness and pain associated with that experience. It’s for this reason that I cannot stomach watching videos and images of children being separated from their parents. What if this was your story? What if what you’re leaving was that difficult that you were willing to risk death to leave it? How do we decide whose life has value and whose children to protect? 

In order to protect my extended family’s privacy, I will leave out the details of much of the pain and trials that we’ve experienced in our adventures in the United States. All of us are now Naturalized United States Citizens. My father passed his immigration test at the age of 70. My parent’s “American Dream” became a reality, as all three of their children have college or masters degrees, however that “dream” came at a cost. My passion around #notwithoutmychildren comes from a place of deep personal pain associated with immigration and time away from my parents as a result. 

My personal life experiences as well of those of my extended family and friends still make me slightly distrustful of the “system” that is suppose to protect us. I treat our family’s passport like treasures. I never let them expire and don’t leave the country by air, land or sea without them. I also when solo traveling with my children, travel with a letter from my husband stating that he’s aware that I’m leaving the country. I’d rather be safe (slightly paranoid) than sorry, when it comes to spending one night of my life away from my children. 

Where do we go from here?

Are you struggling with understanding, processing and responding to what’s going on with families? These are resources that I’ve used with my family to discuss and attempt to understand how we got here and where we stand on this issue. Also, I challenge you to turn off the news and attempt to interact with real people in real life on this issue. Do you know any immigrants of color? Have you broken bread with them? Have you heard their story from their own mouths? If you don’t know any immigrants of color, I’m willing to share some of mine. Here’s my cousin Lorena’s story. Read it, process it and take a step forward in better understanding people’s experiences. This blog post has been in draft form for over two weeks. Why? This stuff is painful. It brings up old hurts and creates triggers like no other experiences in my entire life. I’m letting you into a very personal part of my history in hopes that hearts will be moved and we can move toward empathy and love. Choose love. 

Additional resources:

This is a great resource that can be used to discuss the current events with our children in a manner that protects them and their sensitive hearts. We don't watch the news and I personally can't stomach watching the videos or images on this issue. My focus has to be on raising our children to be different, and looking for ways to advocate for those with no voice. 

One of the challenges that I believe many of us have in regards to engaging on this topic is lack of understanding of our country’s history. Dr. Kira Banks did a great job putting together a video outlining our history and sharing ways to help us makes better understand what is going on.

I will continue to update this blog post with additional resources that I’m using to make sense of what’s going around us.

History doesn’t have to repeat itself...

What are you doing to have your voice heard in this matter? 

Let’s start by sharing our stories. 

Pin it for later:

THE BEST WAY TO HELP IMMIGRANTS AND REFUGEES WHO HAVE BEEN ARRESTED/DETAINED

”Immigration advocates have noted one sure-fire way to help people separated from their children: Posting their bail. This is one of the fastest ways to reunite immigrants with their family,” said Pilar Weiss, project director at the National Bail Fund Network said.

This is true for undocumented people who have been detained by ICE across the whole Country, including in my home state of CT.

Here are two organizations that can help:

National group

Connecticut Group: http://www.ctbailfund.org/

About Ruth: I’m a wife and mami of 4 active and globe-trotting kiddos. I’ve always loved a good adventure and truly believe that it’s possible to travel with kids. Join me, as I share our adventures and inspire you to get out of the house with your kiddos. Whether you’re planning a family vacation, a road trip or a trip of a lifetime to an exotic destination, I’ll share insights, trip reports and information that will inspire you. Check back often to stay up to date on things to do with kids at your next travel destination.