#and i guess ppl dont use tumblr as much anymore

[strobilo]

[snekdood]

i really dont think i actually deserved all that bullshit. the internets traumatized me now at this point and literally no ones gonna care unless my abuser is honest and its so fucking exhausting.

[toastsnaffler]

friends are making plans to go stay with each other but it's the weekend I'm going to see my favourite band. the universe fucking hates me

[damagedcoda6669]

okay so i am. so confused! are you a system/plural after all?

you made a post on your twitter about being the "original host" which is. a plural term of course but ALSO i'd like to say that the idea of there being an "original" is veeery misleading and not actually possible in DID/OSDD

the reason DID/OSDD exists at all is because a child's identity was unable to fully form in their developmental years, so the identity splits off and fractures into several parts necessary to keep the child safe. because of this, there can be no "original host" because there was never an identity formed that could be considered the "core," in a way, at all. it gives off the idea that there was one set identity that split off others later on in life, which isnt how DID/OSDD works in terms of alter formation

also, the disorder can only be developed in your early formative years, so its mostly unheard of for a system to go through life with a single part only to split off later on. your brain splits off alters in response to stressors or traumatic experiences, and so when the disorder is formed there would have to have been a fracture from the beginning where your identity wasnt able to come together to form a single one. multiple alters can be "original," in a sense, but there is not one sole original

i suppose that other alters could have simply been integrated and so they arent a part of your system anymore (leaving you as the "original host"), but thats probably not my place to explore and its all a bit too complicated for a tumblr ask

there are parts that have been around longer than all the other parts and there are parts that identify with/as the body or the head of the system, buuuut i just wanted to share that tidbit of information because misinformation can be very harmful when it comes to healthy plurality!!

in any case, dont let this cause you to spiral into more self-doubt because — surprise! DID/OSDD is supposed to be hard to understand or identify within yourself. its a trauma disorder formed to make you as functional as possible, so generally the disorder tries very hard to hide your other parts from you as to protect you from those traumas. being confused is a major part of plurality, and most long-term hosts do have the misconception of being "original" because there was no reason to think otherwise.

its also fully possible that you have been the host for the majority (or entirety) of your life, so dont get me wrong! im just trying to share that the idea of an "original" alter isnt possible.

regardless of whether or not you're plural, i wish you the best in exploring yourself and the way that your brain functions. you're doing great, truly!

and if i misinterpreted anything, im deeply sorry for that too. i'm just a stranger on the internet trying to provide input using the information i was given, and i genuinely dont mean any offense by this ask. DID/OSDD is also something i'm very interested in and passionate about as an autistic individual, so... im very sorry for the essay

THIS IS SO HELPFUL U HAVE NO IDEA. I KNOW NEXT 2 NOTHING ABT PLURALITY AND SYSTEMS. dont apologize 4 the rambling, its much appreciated!!! i get the same way abt bpd and autism so i get it!!! psychology and mental disorders r one of my special interests so im the same way!!! ^_^

i guess my post moreso came from the concern that i only have vry vry spotty, fuzzy, sometimes FAKE memories of my childhood, if any at all (id say i remember less than 1% of it, and most of what i "remember" is only becuz of photo evidence or testimony from other ppl) and my identity only rlly formed when i joined the internet at maybe 12 yrs old. so i sometimes have doubts that i formed when the body was born, but rather that i was created and that im a product of the internet inparticular, but that might also be a delusion??? its confusing, whenever i get ideas abt my identity they turn out 2 be fake sometimes. its hard 2 pinpoint what i am. so i was trying 2 say that i dont think ive been here since the birth of the body and that i spawned later on. idk if im explaining myself correctly, its hard 4 me 2 understand. but i appreciate u correcting me and explaining it 2 me in a way thats easy 4 me 2 digest!!! i dont want 2 spread misinfo evr.

i think im plural??? ive had liek 8 headmates (and a headspace at one point) that ive been able 2 identify, but nobodys rlly taken me srsly abt it until vry vry recently. ive always been told that im making it up 4 attention, or that im faking DID, and i was even told by a dumbass doctor that it was just my autism and that they were all imaginary. i nvr rlly claimed 2 be plural either, i always just got shot down whenevr i introduced the possibility of there being other sentient ppl in my brain. but i think that i am, probably. im not sticking 2 any labels atm becuz im confused and uneducated abt my headmates and im not diagnosed w anything, but i feel comfy with plural as a label becuz its a vague umbrella term. i nevr claimed 2 have DID becuz ive always known that my headmates cant front and take over my body (ive even asked one and she told me she couldnt LOL) ALTHOUGH. they MIGHT be able 2 front simultaneously as me, ive had edgy (whos currently dormant) finish art 4 me if i got tired, back in 2020 when he was still active. and i know alters fronting is a diagnostic requirement for DID (i think???) but i dunno. theres SOMETHING up w my brain.

i tried 2 post abt it on twitter actually, that i thought i was plural (a handful of ppl asked me so i wanted 2 confirm) but i deleted the post like an hour later becuz i wasnt getting any comments or likes and i was scared that i did something wrong and didnt know, or that im not actually plural and other plural ppl were mad at me 4 using their label. it made me so anxious >n<

i am such a yapper.. 4give me

[felt-texture]

BYE I GUESS

yea so i won't be posting any new art to this site bc of this shit obviously i marked my blog(s) as not fair game but they had already transferred ALL info to midjourney before we got the chance to "opt out" so its only for show. they are not going to sift thru their whole data set to fish out what ppl dont want used. these people are in no way ethical.

i'm considering starting an opt-in art blog with only glazed/shaded posts but at this point i'd rather tumblr just die, badly.

ive been a tumblr user for like 13 years, ive weathered so much bullshit bc i love to look at images on the internet. i kept posting art here when no one cared anymore bc i genuinely loved this site. i hope the other long-time users who somehow arent on the "AI hype train" will also pull their work & effort. this is so insulting and evil and shady. I SHOULD HAVE, BUT SOMEHOW I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING

ANYWAY i have been already using cohost so if you care about seeing my drawings you can follow me there ^_^ and i know i always post about patreon but i'll keep posting all my art there (for the time being.....i bet they are getting offered huge piles of money by midjourney as well. GLAZE YOUR WORK YOU ARE NOT SAFE)

[anonymous-dentist]

wdym you've been getting complaints about how long the spiderman pepito AU is??? that's the best part!!! Σ(°ロ°) ppl really don't understand good fan content anymore smh

also, i've seen you talk about lack of engagement on tumblr, but your blog is the only reason i open the app and i just have a blog i abandoned on like 2016 and i really dont wanna use it (｡•́︿•̀｡) so i thought maybe it would be encouraging if i just left comments in ur ask box and maybe give myself an anon name? so you could see how much i want to support ur writing and engage with it ヽ(`⌒´メ)ノ

so i guess this is a test ask?? even tho i've sent anon asks before?? i hope it helps!! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) -kaomoji anon

That’s very sweet of you, thank you!!

[its-koili]

hey guys. sorry for being gone for so long. heres an update

(tw for: mention of violence / gore, general distress, mental health issues)

(tw below)

.

basically i had a huge mental health crisis. i was having 24/7 constant rolling panic attacks from may of 2023 to january of this year. my last big meltdown was in early february. been processing a lot of CSA trauma and some recent trauma that ive gone through. i think i talked about my panic attacks before leaving social media but idk i dont remember. isolated myself from absolutely everybody.

the main thing that made me leave was that while i was keeping up to date on the g3n0c1d3 (censoring bc idk how tumblr is about it), and when i was looking in the replies / related of the awareness videos, i came across 4 accounts dedicated to using gore for clicks / shock. not videos of the g3n0c1d3 (thank god bc of how they were using the vids) but of unfortunate every day situations and cam footage. like, the kind of stuff you could see on liveleak back in 2010. just out in the open on twitter. they all had usernames like "(insert number here) ways to die)". they were all content farms for click/ad revenue. it was too much it was a huge trigger and i had a full on meltdown. the bluecheck ppl on twitter were using the replies of the videos people uploaded for raising awareness to upload mindless g0re for money. the fact that peoople have 0 compassion for human life sent me into a spiral that i couldnt get out of. (i reported 3 out of the 4 accounts i was able to and 3 got taken down but 1 is still up and it odesnt seem to be uploading the hardcore g0r3 anymore. so thats good. but that was one of the reasons i left social media. ive been keeping up to date w the news but thats it. i left my socials entirely and ive only been on my phone to look up recipes or to use my computer for media research groceries and gaming and shows

that was the main thing that pushed me to leave. i just couldnt take it anymore. during the start of my crisis last year, i was planning on taking a small break, but all of that pushed me over the edge and i dropped everything. after that, my issues got worse and i dont remember most of it. thankfully. but i couldnt bring myself to talk to anybody. i isolated myself and just. laid in bed. but im doing better so i guess thats good

on another topic ive beeen nervous to post this on main but during all of this (ive talked abt tihs a little bit on my priv before i left) i found out that im a system a long while back. my dad (one of my abusers) had/has DID and it terrified me to think that i could be anything like him. i also knew cereal abuser who pretended to be a system to get away with stuff/abusing their friends (and then years later admitted that they werent a system and siad that systems are fake.) LOTS of tears. lots of crying over this. was in denial for a few weeks. cried some more. then eventually came to terms with it.

i dont want to post abt my system online too much bc i dont want to act like this is some fun trendy thing bc its not. it makes day to day living very hard (some lighter/funnier issues that make it hard are: arguing with an alter bc YOU dont know where THEY put YOUR MEDS, not being able to cook because one alter can and the other cant, your art style not being consistent because their styles are different). i dont want to really make it a massive part of my identity online bc its not a big deal! theres just Multiple Little Guys in my brain. so. im a system! im the same but....this explains why i dont remember talking to certain people SUIDHUFHX. i always felt bad. makes conversing with online friends hard especially if icons/usernames are changed. ill make a separate post about this someday thatll go into detail a bit more.

i went years thinking it was just "kinning" but it wasnt lol. it turns out that your personality completely shifting, tastes in food / music / art / media changing, the way you walk / talk dress changing, and having complete memory blackouts when you """"kin shift"""" isn't normal. /lh (dw ive had a lot of time to come to terms with this)

but basically right now ive been spending time getting to,,know myself?? iive been using simplyplural for myself for several months and im uncovering a lot of my memories / trauma ect bc alters can write down what they need to in the chat. so i can go back later and read it. its been v helpful!

i will not be coming back just yet. i have no interest in using social media rn or drawing or writing unfortunately. ive been working on my original stuff here and there but i havent been drawaing fandom stuff bc im not hyperfixating on a fandom.

also. some things have come up. im not going to say anything until the party in question is stable/safe/comfortable before i even suggest anything for context (i dont plan on talking abt anything at all unless they start talking publicly). right now i am helping someone through abuse. their wellbeing is my #1 concern. i'll think about other things after im sure theyre okay.

i dont really have any resolutions as to how things are going but i do feel better and im not having as many panic attacks. i dont really know where im going with this now sorry. just trying to brush over the basic topics before i go. idk if anybody remembers me bc ive been gone for so long so idk if im just talking into the wind but if i am thats fine honestly this is helping me reorganize my thoughts (i type these vents out a lot on docs so i probably wont remember posting this hiudhvu)

other than that. i dont draw or write anymore. i think in the past 6 months ive drawn like....5 things. its. weird. im completely disconnected from fandoms now. coming up to a full year of not having a hyperfixation at all.

my bday was on the 6th. im 27 now im very old (everybody forgot it asides from my husband (and the people he reminded) n my abuser). ive been trying to cook and bake more and ive been playing video games again. planning on getting back into drawing soon and working on my original stuff. when i come back im planning on redesigning my profiles and updating my social media bios and stuff bc theyre so old. also ill make a section on my carrd for my system. there you go theres some positivity to the update nxfjdfjh. sorry if i dont seem very enthused im very tired so typing has been a chore hfuidshuifv.

sorry that this was a lot or if it seems disjointed i was trying to put down as much into this as possible without making it too long

bye!!! see u all soon!

[foervraengd]

Mental health ramblings

I guess im glad that im experiencing depression now at 34 and not when i was a teenager.

Or at least i think its depression? More than once a day do i feel this heavy hopelessness in my chest. Work is going to have a christmas dinner next month thats going to be a whole day event and my gut response to it is just id rather stare into a corner. I wanna try to reach out to my irl friends but it is so hard because my mind keeps expecting that no one will have time to meet anyway so why even bother. Everyone is busy. Every time.

Its like, i know what makes me perk up. Its when my coworkers asks if i wanna eat hotpot or go sing karaoke with them. Its when the newer artist in the graphics team asks for my input on their art, and they appreciate my feedback. Its when i socialize with anyone that isnt family members. But my whole body tells me its too much effort to take the first step, to be the first one to ask. The adhd isnt helping either. Ive been meaning to email an old classmate about an old book i found. I have his email. Ive been meaning to write to him since february. Ive been meaning to write to another friend for over two years. The executive dysfunction is cranked up to 500%.

Its like theres a specific form of energy that ive lost somewhere. Its an energy thats been gradually depleting through the whole year. And ever since i left twitter, there hasnt really been a place where my irl friends can passively check on me via a feed. Because p much most of them except 1-2 ppl still use tumblr. Because they all went to insta or fb. Or bluesky. I told so many ppl where to find me. But most of them arent close enough friends to cross paths w me online anymore.

I really dont know how the therapy is going to help me with this.

[johandev]

twitter / neocities?

i'm sorry but i don't use twitter anymore, so after thinking about it, I've decided to just delete it (the world is healing). 💕💕

i'm gonna set up a neocities just to save some stuff from there (mostly, the progress I made with my first game in the past. it's a treasure seeing my own progress 😁🥹), so it may take a while or just one day 🤔

it's gonna be a personal site so, dont expect it to make much sense 😁💕 i will make a separate page for my games or something like that but, i also wanna save my fanarts 👀🥹!!!

(also bc i honestly hate how tumblr limits the view of blogs if you dont have an account here, im like, let ppl read the fucking website, isn't this supposed to be social media????)

i'll guess i'll put some blog posts there but no promises 🫨🥹

[donnerpartyofone]

i find you unimaginably cool and ive expressed to you before on anon the sentiment that i feel a deep kinship towards you for how you speak so candidly abt your own stupidity (pls dont take that as me calling you stupid) bcuz i feel exactly the same way abt my own stupidity and hate when ppl try to talk me out of it but ANYways i just saw your post abt writing a novelization of splice and i am literally reeling. i love that weird ass movie so much and i think writing a novelization of it is one of the most off the wall and amazing things ive ever heard of. i hope that you will share when it is published bcuz i cannot wait to read it. pls know that someone out there understands you (or at least understands you as best as someone can thru this parasocial lens of tumblr and how you choose to share yourself there) and that someone out there thinks you are basically what i hope i can be when i grow up. thank you for sharing. thank you for articulating yourself as well as you do (i too have the itch to tell you you are not stupid but bcuz i know how it is i wont do it but besides that, i think you are one of the clearest and most well articulated writers ive ever encountered online or elsewhere). sorry, this all feels insane to type. im off two tallboy ipas and i just think youre great.

Dearest Correspondent,

Oddly enough, just the other day somebody liked an older post of mine, and when I clicked on it to remind myself of what it was, the next post down was your last message. Anyway, thanks! The whole novelization business is really funny. Do people even know what they are anymore? I didn't know anybody still made them until I was hired to do SPLICE. I used to get them from the drugstore sometimes when I was a kid because my parents were very uptight about what I watched, but they wouldn't be caught dead restricting anyone's reading habits. During my initial conversation with the SPLICE publisher, we kind of bonded over our memories of the CHILD'S PLAY 2 novelization, of all things, that seemed to help me a lot in addition to my ideas about what SPLICE should be like on paper. I tend to think of novelizations as just another piece of merch, but when you write them, I don't know, like you really have to live out the movie in your mind over and over again to figure out what the characters are experiencing physically, environmentally, how their emotional experiences affect their bodies, etc. You have to fill in the blanks of what they think and sense just enough to make your transcription convincing, while staying within certain bounds to honor what the filmmaker meant to say. SPLICE started as kind of a lark for me, and then almost immediately it became extremely personal; when I was nearing the end of my first draft I thought, "OK, well, I guess everyone is about to find out how insane I am." I was afraid it just sounded "crazy" and wouldn't be what the publisher was expecting. But after I turned it in, the surprise encouragement I got from actual-Vincenzo Natali was pretty amazing, so maybe it's good! Maybe you really CAN'T tell how crazy I am, and it's just very entertaining. You'll have to wait and see.

Parasocial relationships are tricky, huh, especially here on tumblr dot com. The best thing you can do for yourself is just be very aware that they are happening within you, a test you seem to have passed. I think a lot of us come here seeking understanding of our weirdest parts, but the more you put out there to find the people who get what you're saying, you simultaneously get a lot of reminders that most people have no idea what you're talking about. There will be people who seem to hate you because they've misunderstood you, and there will also be people who love you but whose interactions prove that they have absolutely no idea what you're communicating. I recently culled a bunch of followers because they were just creating a lot of noise, even though they may have meant well, and I was losing the clarity I needed to keep doing this. I started to see every post as a worrisome opportunity to find out how poorly people can possibly read me, and suppressing the urge to re-explain myself every day was becoming exhausting. And ironically, around the same time, I was briefly mutuals with one of my favorite bloggers ever, and just as I thought we were becoming chummy, they unfollowed me. I didn't freak out, actually I just unfollowed them back because I was concerned about being annoying, but I did have all kinds of Thoughts about this event. I have spent a lot of time reviewing what my projections were about that person, and what my personal investment in their narrative says about me. I think there could be something good to get out of this audit, even though the whole episode is sort of embarrassing. But Tumblr definitely gives you a lot of opportunities to examine your own filters, clean them out once in a while, and get to know yourself a little better--even if other people seem to be getting to know you a little worse! You just have to stick to your own course and see what comes of it.

Uh. What the hell was I saying. I don't know! But I appreciate your messages, I feel "gotten" by them. Some of the follower upheaval recently did involve the way that I process my experience of my own stupidity out loud on here--like I know that sometimes folks are trying to be helpful by contradicting me whenever I sound "negative" (read: realistic), but being told (by strangers) how to feel about yourself and that you're wrong about your own experiences is actually really awful, confusing, frustrating, and undermining. So I don't mind being reminded that my signal is coming through for at least some people. I hope you're doing good this holiday season. I wonder what beers you had, they sound fun!

Good tidings to you,

C

PS Isn't "on here" a weird phrase? I always feel like a primate when I say it, but I have yet to find a different phrase that conveys the same thing as accurately.

[hellsbroadcaster]

I feel bad because I haven't really done much here. I don't really like using my health as an excuse but its genuinely what it is. I'm exhausted all the time. This steroid medication is the worst and its going on 8 whole month's I've been taking it. I've gained a ton of weight, like it doesn't feel normal. my body aches all the time. I feel like I'm pregnant. none of my clothes fit me anymore which only leads to more of my inner self loathing which I hate because after my last relationship i really worked hard to build myself up. And it felts like every time I think I'm getting better SOMETHING happens. and I try so hard to not let it get to me.

It took me years to stop being in denial about diabetes. i almost had to die before I started to accept that this was my life. and ive been proud and worked very hard to get where I am with it. not I feel like I'm failing again cuz the steroids work against them. my A1C went up, and i'm just so disappointed by it. I've been having some manner of fatigue about taking my meds. which i usually dont but i find myself taking them later and later in the day. Sunday, I opted to not take the steroid and with only ONE day it made me feel horribly sick. this blood disorder really is the worst. the fact that i cant go one day without it or it'll really make me sick just annoys the crap out of me. I hate it. i hate not having control on it. also when i talked to my therapist she talks about how trauma has a lot to do with your health and how it effects your body. and when I think back to all the trauma i've experienced within the last 6 years? it makes sense the way my body is just trying to kill me. because what are the odds I get a rare blood disease like really.

and I hate talking about it because I feel like such a burden. when people ask me how i'm doing and i say okay because if I tell them its day three and I still feel like shit like ppl get tired eventually. i always have to act like i'm good at home anyway because otherwise I'll hear my mom say 'oh its always something with you' like i asked for this shit.

I guess my point is, I really wanna be more active but I put all my energy into work because its such a complicated job, and if I slack off even a little its a pain in the ass to get caught back up and so its always frustrating when I have to take off and i come back to a mess despite me leaving it perfect for the person who is backing me up. they wont pay me FMLA, and I have to take off at least one day a week to make appointments for this illness. i technically work the full 80 hours but on the days i work 12s i cant take a lunch, i have to get up earlier. and its already draining for me. so by the time I get off work, I don't even wanna transition to my laptop. but I love being here and i have so much fun so i try my best. lately tho, I look at my drafts and I have so much muse but no energy at all. i promise i am working on it. I really just ask for patience. being in this fandom has been the most fun i've had on tumblr in a very long time.

my hope with this new medication I am getting, they will start to tamper me off the steroids, and my energy will start to come back as the dose goes down. my fingers are crossed honestly.

[lilithpleasant]

some sims questions!!!!

tagged by @pooklet ty!!

What’s your favorite Sims death?

oh gosh, okay, tbh, in general idk if i have a favorite, i do like a classic death by old age just because it makes me feel accomplished, lol, but specifically i think it'd have to be the time forrest bonnet died of cardiac explosion the literal second i hit play once i finished building his house 😂

Alpha CC/Semi-realism or Maxis Match?

idk why but i am definitely more maxis match for ts4 and semi-realistic for ts2? it just feels RIGHT to me

Do you cheat your sims weight?

only for my story sims, in the spirit of keeping things semi-consistent between chapters, because i swear sim stede gains weight faster than any sim i've ever played, and sim ed often ends up TOO BUFF from all of his energized swimming 😂 other than that, i do not, i just let them do their own thing. i dont really use too many custom body shapes for ts2, but definitely coming back to it after playing with the diversity in ts4 has been a bit jarring, but also custom body shapes are a lot of work so. idk what the solution is!

Do you move objects?

is this a real question?

Favorite Mod?

HMMMMMMMMMM! i'd say ACR, the shiftable everything mod, and for ts4 of course ye olde wickedwhims 🤭

First Expansion/Game Pack/Stuff Pack?

idk whatever the first sims 1 ep was??? i think? my friend had it and we played it at her house in 4th grade (well, she played, i watched because she wouldnt let me actually play it, lol) and then my parents bought it for me that easter and ive been hooked ever since 😂

Do you pronounce live mode like aLIVE or LIVing?

living!!!!!!!!!! absolutely mindfuck to realize that some ppl DONT pronounce it that way 😂

Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made?

ed and stede in ts4, altho i didn't TECHNICALLY make their bases, but i have done sooooo much to them and i am so attached they are like my children

prob val in ts2, lol, i am big on fandom sims i guess!!!!

Have you made a simself?

yeah!!!!! in ts2 and 4!

Which is your favorite EA hair color?

uhhhhh, like, for ts4? probably a pink, ofc, lol. natural colors??? idk no preference!

Favorite EA hair?

this is so specific idk i mostly use custom hairs tbh

Favorite life stage?

young adult/adult in ts4 and adult in ts2 for sure

Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

oh both! i love gameplay but i also have to have it very aesthetically pleasing, if it's not fun for me to look at im not interested

Are you a CC creator?

yeeeeeee @ailuromancys

Do you have any Simblr friends or a Sim Squad?

@angelapleasant @dirk-dreamer @simper-fi are all sim friends who i have formed lasting irl friendships with 🥰 altho i am soooo bad at keeping in touch with ppl anymore and i feel so bad abt that, they are still my favorites

@pooklet is top tier as well!!! 😊

@emperorofthedark i know it's been ages but you also!!!!!!!

Do you have any sims merch?

...no?

Do you have a YouTube for sims?

oh my god, no. the way i alternate between normal speed and triple speed should be outlawed, i cannot imagine it would be any fun to watch AT ALL

How has your “Sims style” changed throughout your years of playing?

i think mostly i've gotten better at taking and editing pics? gos was pretty much my introduction to sims cc (with the exception of some sailor moon skins/heads i had for ts1 that my dad had to help me install 😂) so that had a HUGE influence on my style that i never really strayed from. i think i toned it down a bit in ts4, but at my core, i am still very neon/grunge oriented

Who’s your favorite CC creator?

@pooklet @skulldilocks currantpotpie @angelapleasant @dirk-dreamer @leaf-storm @simmer-until-tender do you see a theme here?

How long have you had Simblr?

2010 i think! holy shit.

How do you edit your pictures?

for tumblr i crop them to 800x500, use the honeycomb psd (with a vibrance layer added) and then use pooklet's sharpening action

What expansion/gamepack is your favorite?

HMMMMMMM. this is a tough one. possibly seasons for ts2? ts4 i cannot even say, because there are so fucking many lmfao it's disgusting 😂

taggin whoever wants to do this!!!!

[twinkskeletons]

okay first off, love you <333 and secondly, it’s gonna. well i can’t promise it’s gonna get better tomorrow or next week but it might, you never know!!! that’s the thing about us (rock bottom sue eye cide craving 20-somethings), things can’t really get much worse anyway so! the only way is up! (<- me forcing myself into optimism so i don’t kms)

what i can promise is that your life isn’t meaningless, waking up isn’t meaningless, getting up isn’t meaningless. hell, staying in bed isn’t meaningless. not in the context of your life, and the things happening around you. and if you think about the context of the universe then all of it is meaningless anyway so might as well reduce it down until you find meaning! otherwise what would be the point of art and literature and music and nature? it’s not gonna matter in the end, but it matters NOW. and so do you. bc how else are you gonna experience all that?

“inherent worth to your life” arguments never worked on me, honestly, and neither did “but the ppl whose lives you make better :(“ ones (they might for you!!!) bc literally they don’t exist really, but what did work on me is realising that kms would mean i wouldn’t get to look at stuff anymore. not read nor write nor listen to music nor rain nor poetry nor watch films and sunrises and birds nesting and the way the sky darkens and the moon. the moon! that big ass rock! illuminated by another’s light and yet the most beautiful thing to lift your eye to! im a bit of a romantic so you know. that worked on me. has been working for like, half a decade now. so you reallllllllllllly gotta find the argument that works on you.

cause there’s stuff that’s important to you, right? reduce it down to that, if you have to, for now, even if it’s one thing. love that one thing with everything you have. it’s gonna get easier to breathe. so breathe. breathe when it’s easy, and breathe extra hard when it’s hard. i believe in you!!!!!!!! “meaning” is so fucking vague anyway. who decides that shit!!! who cares!!! the most important part is that inside you there’s a beating heart whose pumping is testament to the love you feel for whatever it is. there’s meaning in that, i can definitely promise that.

this got. extraordinarily long. so im sorry for giving you the choice to read all that cause really, you don’t have to. but i hope it helps, like, just a little, to recategorize and breaaatheeeeeee. xo

waugh this is so nice thank u :’) i think my biggest problem is that im just. so alone and that will never change and can really only get worse when my entire family disowns me for being trans. only time i talk to people im not related to is when im threatening suicide on tumblr lolll and i kind of dont know how to interact with people outside of that anymore.. not sure i ever did actually my experience with the three friends i made in high school was sitting and listening to them talk to each other and never saying anything myself which. doesn’t really translate to online very well. ur right though there are at least two things i care abt my dogs and my art so i guess i just need 2 really focus on those 👍 keep making merch and planning that potential artist alley table

[ofmdee]

some sims questions!?!?!!

thank u for the tag @eulaliasims 💜 im gonna do these for ts4 unless it's specified

1. What’s your favourite sims death? Omg. Ummm, is it cheating to say old age? I like the satisfaction of knowing i got that sim thru LIFE. But cardiac explosion is also a good one.

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? for ts4, def mostly maxis match, but i'm not like, super strict? something looks good i download it 😂 which is a problem.

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? no??? i did take away sim ed's massive bulging muscles he got from too many autonomous workouts once, tho.

4. Do you use move objects? it is Always on

5. Favorite mod? probably MCCC. it does So Much.

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? Livin' large!!!! 😂

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? LIVING for real i never even considered ALIVE was even an option until recently

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? well, i don't really make sims too often these days, i usually play sims born in game? i mean i obv favor my ofmd sims, but i didn't actually MAKE their bases, they're from the gallery, just heavily made over. from my ts2 days tho i rly liked val.

9. Have you made a simself? oh yeeeee, many times! my most recent one moved in w my gfs selfsim

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? Realistically: Cat lover, loner, socially awkward, erratic, and lazy 😅

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? ummmm i guess one of the pinks? idk it depends! never rly thought about it.

12. Favorite EA hair? bro idk

13. Favorite life stage? idk young adult i guess????

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? Both babeeeey. And story telling. And gif making. I use sims for a lot of stuff!

15. Are you a CC creator? I used to be (old ts2 content), but now i basically only make stuff for personal use for specific sims 😂

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? i think? def friends and friendly acquaintances, not rly a SQUAD so to speak, but i've made friends with a lot of ppl on simblr that i'm friendly with outside of simblr now.

17. What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4) 2, despite not having played it in years.

18. Do you have any sims merch? just the games 😂

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? nooo. i have a twitter 🔞, tho ;)

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? in ts2 it was very grunge/neon, and that's harder to find for ts4, imho, and i rly miss that! so i guess my ts4 style is less..... alternative? which is a bummer tbh.

21. What’s your Origin ID? i share jessy's, lol, and also i 🏴‍☠️ ts4 anymore so i don't even remember tbh

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? Buuuuuhhh i cannot choose just one! anyone who never paywalls their stuff, how about that? ;)

23. How long have you had a simblr? since like 2010 lol, this blog only for a few months, tho.

24. How do you edit your pictures? Photoshop! if they're for tumblr i crop them to 800x500, use this psd (that i've edited slightly by adding some vibrance) and then finish it with a super old sharpening action of pooklet's 😂 if i'm making gifs or graphics i switch up psds/etc but that's my go-to editing technique.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? i dont want ANY more fuckin sims 4 packs i am so sick of updating my game just let it DIE. tbh.

26. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? god idek, there are like 239483209483209 dlcs for ts4, it's hard to pick an overall fav. 🤣

if you wanna do this and haven't done it yet, here is your tag!

[girlfromplut0]

a short letter

hi friends ! wanted 2 share a couple thoughts nd ideas with u if thats alright . ive been finding it really hard to connect with people lately , everyone seems so far away . idk if its dissociation from ptsd or just growing apart but it feels like there is a lot of distance between me n a lot of ppl in my life . n idk thats a bit strange . i feel like a stranger in a lot of places where i used 2 feel like an important piece . i suppose thats what happens when u grow , some things make less sense but eventually things will make sense again . most things dont make sense anymore honestly . even typing this i dont really feel real . dissociation has been really hard for me . after getting out of an abusive relationship its been hard to feel how i think things used to feel (and even on tumblr im kind of scared of saying those words out loud, im really afraid of that person even though i dont want to let that fear control me). idk ptsd is really scary . its not like anything ive faced before in my life . people tell me it gets easier and i believe them but a part of me is scared that things just keep making less and less sense . but in another way , every problem you face u have the wisdom and growth of every problem u have faced before at ur back . i used to have an eating disorder but cooking has become a super important part of my life , and i think im really good at it and its been rewarding to share that with my mom and people i love . im the highest weight ive ever been in my entire life and ive for the most part overcome my disorder and eating related trauma . so even if im sad and disconnected from people , at least i am giving my body the fuel it needs to continue living . i haven't spoken about really any of this in public and i guess this kind of secret tumblr acc feels safe for me to be a bit more candid and long form for once . i can't really use twitter in that way anymore , mainly for boundaries and mental health reasons . but yeah i guess a lot of things have been strange lately . idc if nobody rly gets my music anymore . even if it doesnt appear to be , if u see it as jus being like flexing or some shit whatever , it is like a deep expression of a lot of emotions im feeling . n i dont feel the need to explain it 2 anyone i prefer 2 let my art speak for itself . my art is the only place i feel like i can be free and honest and genuine nd create something that is a true expression of myself and that matters more 2 me than anything else . a lot of ppl i kno wld be lost w/o seeing a bunch of numbers . but when u making music for someone else u have already lost , u have chosen to surrender your space to what u are guessing someone else wants . no truly meaningful art can come from a place like that . sharing a little song i made , was produced by maiden who is an incredibly talented and kind soul nd i will link their sc under this u should listen 2 their songs ! im not sure if this song will ever be a part of something larger but since u read my long rambling thing i wanted 2 share one of my favorite songs ive made , in case its never on anything else . thank u for caring about my art and supporting me. often the love i feel from all of you overpowers the discord in my mind. and even if my art is made for myself, seeing that this expression of myself connects with so many people is deeply deeply meaningful to me. im excited and incredibly grateful for the opportunity to connect with as many of you as i can during tour next month. if you see me around before or after the show feel free to say hi, your support means so so much. i love you - meadow (pluto)

[thesweetestdevotion]

different anon, it seems theres two or three sides of jks potential relationship when he meets his fs. those who want to try to make jk seem like an awful partner with many asks about would he cheat or would do xyz thing etc, second side is those who absolutely need to know every detail of his fs and how theyll meet or when and those who seem to not respect jks privacy as well by being a little too nosy

i get asking and being interested but i dont get obsessing about it yet i also dont get the need for someone to know so much about his fs before hes even met them himself? obviously ppl r asking bc they know its not going to be themselves or because they want it to be themselves and hes in the biggest bg currently but at the same time it feels like they arent wanting jk to be truly happy thus asking these questions as tho they can force an answer when imho theres no exact answer as to when or how they meet. its like how i keep seeing that same yunhoe anon going about blogs asking the same question about whatever relationship he had with some florist from some time ago and they still wont stop asking even if they have received many similar answers

but there just seems a lot of desperation of both those wanting or needing to know abt jks fs so much that it seems like they dont ask about jk anymore and those who just cant leave them be either

sorry for rambling but yh these just my thoughts its obvi not wrong to ask but at the same time i still think in time he will meet them when he feels is best n everyone else is just like when when when when when will they meet yaknow?

Hey!

And so trueee!!! I honestly feel like curiosity is good!! I mean celebrities mostly benefit from us being interested in them hehe. But there should be clear boundaries when doing readings like I do. I know it’s all speculation and tbh even the most accurate readers can’t know everything, and I would hope most people here are just here for fun!! (Like I said before I only choose those asks that are less invasive and respectful)

I’ve honestly not delved too deep into the other celeb readings here on tumblr, I only come on this blog to do your readings and interact with you guys hehe. I use my other blog more, which is a fandom blog lol (mdzs, genshin, iwtv anyone???) so I can’t say I’ve seen the type of stuff you talk about but I’m definitely sure it happens cuz I’ve gotten many asks that have that vibe 😥

Also thanks for pointing out that specific user because now that I dwell on it, this person also asked me this 😭😭😭 I didn’t think too much of it since I’m sure it was one of my first asks 😭 crazy that they got around that much, they even asked me that specific question?? Oh gosh I need to be more vigilant I guess 😭 also thanks so much for your message <33