#and i got sad so i made this joke to cope

[lilia-calderus-pet-goat]

Found-Family headcanons for a³'s coven of chaos, part 4: (because they all deserved more time with each other)

(warning: drinking)

(part 3, here) - (part 2, here) - (part 1, here)

Everyone loves to give Señor Scratchy treats, even when Agatha insists they shouldn't.

Señor Scratchy especially loves Billy, Lilia and Sharon. He does likes to cuddle everyone, though. Except Jen, who he's always trying to bite, (???) because he wouldn't be Agatha's familiar if he didn't.

One day Jen jokes that she will turn him into a purse if he rages against her again—and everyone defensively yells at her at the same time. “Okay! Okay! Jeez! I was joking!”

Sharon cuts fruit for everyone every time they hang out together and forces them to eat it before doing anything else.

Jen usually pays for everything. It's the price of her constantly bragging about her, “real job.”

Agatha always teases her about it. One time, Lilia felt bad—and so she “went to the bathroom” and payed for everyone herself.

Billy himself got his first bad alcohol experience at age seventeen at his first big teen party, which Eddie took him to.

He got very fucking wasted very quickly because turns out he's not great at holding his alcohol. So—he begged Eddie not to call his parents, because, “they've bEeN through enOUGH I'M A HORRIBLE SON AND NOT EVEN reALLY THeirS--”

So, Eddie sighed and called Agatha to get him instead. And yes, your girl did drive ALL the way to Eastview—and spent the whole night sleepless, sobering him up to save him from the hungover. She was just glaring at Rio all night long, telling her to go make coffee and no funny business, while holding his head over the toilet. She was surprisingly gentle and comforting during the experience—because she does have her moments—like when Lilia had her traumatic hallucination in Jen's trial and Agatha gently went, “okay” instead of mocking her. That's the vibe.

BUT he still got the scolding of his life the next day. The whole neighbourhood heard Agatha yelling.

During the argument Agatha yelled that, “I'm not your mother!” and he shot back, “I know that, do YOU know that??” Which caused her to avoid him for a few days.

Later, Rio told him how much it actually affected her and why—and Billy felt really bad about it. On mother's day, he gave Agatha a gift basket of stuff he made himself, (with his bio-mom's help.) Agatha said it was tacky and unnecessary—but she actually teared up a bit. She opened the window and yelled at Wanda's abandoned lot to make an insensitive joke about how, “suck it, Wanda, you rank last in the mom list—” as to not show too much vulnerability. But Billy is used to her by now—and he knows that she appreciated it.

Alice always feels sad on mother's day. She visits her mother's grave site and tells her how bad her life is. This year, Billy went with her. And for thr first time, Alice only had goof things to tell her. About how she broke the curse—and she can finally do something with her life now. About how she got a new job, and a coven.

And, to cope, Alice got a gift for Lilia and one for Sharon. They may not be her actual mothers—but she appreciates them both endlessly and their support means the world to her. She got them both protective crystals.

You know who ELSE got Sharon a gift??

Well, Sharon doesn't either. She just received an anonymous bouquet of Azaleas and she had no idea who sent it to her.

It was Agatha, but she'd die before admitting it. She's the last person you'd suspect, since she still calls her Mrs. Hart despite how triggering it is, or pretends she doesn't remember her existence at all. In reality, she's grown fond of the Westview residents despite her best efforts not to. She doesn't particularly respect them and she does view them as “lesser,” but she doesn't wish them harm. They did take care of her for three years—and the Agnes role does have bits and pieces of Agatha in it.

Billy finds out through Rio and accidentally tells Alice. Alice tells Jen, Jen tells Lilia, (because she's not about to hide Agatha's embarrassing secret.) and Lilia tells Sharon.

Sharon is surprised but also extremely moved, considering she doesn't have any living family. She wants to thank Agatha, so she gets the idea to throw her a surprise party. (Since she herself hasn't been to a party since Mr. Davis passed away and she really wants to attend one!!)

She gets help from the coven but also invites all the main Westview residents that we know and love. Rio proposes the idea of writing, 'Agnes of Westview' on the cake, to get back at Agatha for always calling them by their Wanda-branded names. Sharon doesn't want to, but everyone else finds it hilarious, so they do it.

Agatha pretends to be extremely annoyed.

She isn't. She just never expected this to happen to her. For people to want to be there—and to see her as someone at least capable of good—someone who deserves a second chance.

They eat and drink together, having a blast. Billy isn't allowed to drink, but Agatha sneaks him a glass. Just ONE glass. You know, to teach him responsibility, as if she's the queen of it. “It's about knowing when to stop, teen.” “oh is it? tell us more”

Sharon is the opposite of a light-weight. She chugs down those shots like they're nothing—and if you ask her, she'll dismissively wave and say she's “lived a life.” Still, she doesn't seem to know her limits, and she gets carried away. At least she prepared some bomb ass charcuterie for everyone!!

Jen is a classy drinker, picky with her alcohol. She knows her limits and always drinks just enough to “make the company tolerable,” since, “no sane person could ever find you idiots amusing without a few shots.”

Lilia becomes incredibly talkative when she drinks and she loses whatever filter she may have otherwise had. Not to say that usually she has too much of a filter, but drunk, she literally becomes Patti Lupone. Jen finds it endearing and listens intently, Alice finds it sort of amusing but also a bit shocking, Rio matches her freak and Agatha just finds it fucking terrifying.

You'd expect Rio to be wilding, but she already does that sober. No, instead, she becomes very clingy and very affectionate—just whipped over Agatha. And she's kind of a light-weight too, which surprises everyone at first. It's because her real form is literally skeletal and her human form is probably maintained magically—so there's less actual real body mass to dilute the alcohol. So, death can tear through the fabric of reality, but metabolising alcohol is just too difficult.

Alice can hold her alcohol very well. She was once the definition of a teenage dirtbag, so she has experience in the field. Now she's pretty sensible. She's also the most clear-headed, even when she's drunk enough to stumble around.

Agatha herself is a slow drinker because she wants to make fun of everyone else for being less sober than her. She's developed a fair bit of tolerance over the years, but when it finally hits it really hits.

During a particularly rough case of drunkenness her and Jen sung karaoke together. Not during Agatha's party, though. Neither of them can quite recall the incident, or so they claim. Unfortunately for them, Alice recorded the whole thing. Rio made it her ringtone, as did Lilia.

Jen forces Lilia to get a skin-care routine. “Doll, I actively choose to look like this because I don't have the time or energy to maintain a youthful appearance. What makes you think I'll spend money on these products that capitaliSe in womeN's InsEcuriTiEs—I'm a divination fraud, you're a beauty guru fraud, we're both senior citizens, I don't care for this—”

And Jen is like, “okay ouch but nO this is nOt what I've been selling. This is new. We're not talking about just a luxury—the skin is the largest organ of the body and is exposed to various environmental stressors like pollution, UV rays, and temperature changes, as well as internal factors like stress and diet. I'm giFting these products to you I mAde them in a cAuLdron.”

Lilia is so flabbergasted by the clarity of Jen's explanation that she agrees. However, she constantly forgets to actually apply it.

Fortunately, Jen never forgets. And Lilia is probably the only person that Jen tolerates to constantly give reminders to.

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Random Gothamite: Any sugestion on how to make my house a little bit safer?

Robin (Steph): Put a signal in your from door that says "trigger warning: your dad"

Gothamite: Thanks, Robin... wait... what?

Robin (Steph): Yeah. Most Rogues have daddy issues, it won't protect you from everything, Joker is waay to unpredictable for once, but you are at least free of Riddler, Scarecrow, Poison Ivvy and Two-Face, only to list some of the most famous ones.

[it worked but it seemed to also keep Robin away for a looong time]

[kvrokasaa]

omg i was js thinking abt timeskip kaiser, a renowed pro football player, attending some celebrity event and seeing his mother there SKDJEK 🫨 can you plspls make it a short angsty(?) story w a happy ending pls our boy deserves it :(

take care <3

I tried to make it as angsty as I could, but I probably just made a comfort fic, I'm sorry!

Cw: mention of food, mentions of mother's leaving, kaiser being sad, crying, comfort, angst(?), happy ending, comforting kaiser helps cope with the recent chapter :(, not proofread, 1.5k words

“I seriously don’t know how you do it,” you whisper over to Kaiser, your voice trailing off to a quiet giggle. A smile reaches his face when he hears your giggle, you never fail to brighten his mood. “Do what, meine liebe?” He questions, the pet name rolls off his tongue with such ease, that you’re sure he practices saying it every day.

“I don’t know how you manage to attend these events and functions all the time. It’s my first time and it’s so tiring already,” you hum, grabbing a strawberry covered in chocolate. “At least there’s good food,” you finish. 

Kaiser snorts quietly. That’s what got you to come in the first place. He almost begged you to come with him, but every time he asked he was met with your quick ‘no.’ So, like the man he is, he went to underhanded tactics. He promised to get you good food, and promised that there’ll be really good food there.

You’re thankful that he didn’t lie.

“It’s about keeping up with appearances, meine liebe.” His arm circles around your waist when he sees some nobody looking at you with obvious intentions. “Do you think if I didn’t blow so much money on these stupid things people would still respect me? No. I have to come to these to show people that I’m richer and better than they will ever be.” You almost wanted to roll your eyes. But would it really be Kaiser if he didn’t say something super egotistical?

He chuckles when he sees how close you are to rolling your eyes. Although most of his words were false, some of them were true. If he didn’t come to these and spend so much money, people would not respect him. The world truly is in his hands.

“Okay you goof, I have to use the restroom,” you pressed your hands against his chest as you raised yourself onto your tiptoes. “Make sure to stuff some of that food into my purse when I’m gone.” You joked.

Kaiser followed you with his eyes while you walked to the end of the ridiculously big room for the bathroom. His eyes show everything, especially his love and adoration for you. He laughs a little as he turns his attention back to the speaker. 

But something catches his eye. A slightly tall woman, with blond hair but almost gray now, no. That’s not what makes Kaiser freeze in his spot, that’s not what makes his heart beat ten times faster. It’s the unmistakable red eyeliner. 

Anyone could apply red eyeliner, he tries to reason with himself. Kaiser tries his best to divert his attention back to the speaker, but his eyes cannot seem to leave the woman. His gaze must have alerted the woman because the next second she is looking around for the person.

And when her eyes fall on him, he immediately panics. No way in hell. She can not be here. He must be hallucinating or something. He needs air, fresh air. Why can’t he breathe? 

Kaiser leaves the mansion as quickly as possible, trying to get away from the stuffy crowd. But just his luck, she follows him out. 

“My son, I have been looking for you.”

You leave the bathroom, with your disgust intensified. Why are rich people so weird? Couldn’t that couple have gone home? Who in their right mind would be doing that during a fundraiser? 

A sigh escapes your lips as you make your way to the crowd, ready to tell Kaiser what you just witnessed. 

But when you get back to the table of food, he’s gone. You swear that he wouldn’t just leave you, and he would’ve texted you if he moved somewhere else. Maybe he had gone to the restroom too?

After searching for a little, you end up spotting his blonde and blue hair. But you see a person standing if front of him and he isn’t moving at all. Your brows furrow in a quizzical manner, who is that?

“No.” You hear him say, it was more of a demand than anything. “You’re lying.” The woman in front of him shakes her head, a soft expression on her face. “You may think that, but we both know it’s not true.” She opens her arms, her hands awaiting his shoulders as to pull him into her embrace. 

“It’s me, your mother.” Your eyes widen, why is she here? Why did she decide to come back now of all times?

“I’m sorry for interrupting,” your tone is soft while you look at Michael, a worried expression on your face. “But Michael and I should really be going.” “Who are you?” Her soft expression never falls, almost like she got it implanted onto her face. But you can see the truth, the deception, the root of her lies. She’s only here for the spotlight. She wants to be seen as his mother, as his savior. But you know that she will only ruin him. She will only make him fall deeper into the black hole.

“Oh, I’m guessing you haven’t seen the news,” you start. You look at Michael’s mother, your soft expression immediately faltering. “I’m Michael’s fiancee. It’s very nice to meet you.” You give her a fake soft smile. You don’t want to seem too rude, but you know kindness with a person like this will only lead to your ruin.

“Ah, I thought you were his chafure. You seem awfully-” “Stop.” She turns her attention back to Michael, her faux softness resurfacing. “My dear, you seem tired. Why don’t we-” “No.” He can’t get his head around this whole situation. Why has she come back? Why did she choose now to come back? Does she want money, is that it? Maybe she just wants to be seen with him. Maybe she needs her acting career back and the only way she can get noticed is with Michael.

But he doesn’t want any of that. He tried so hard to look for her, and now she shows up out of nowhere. 

Michael feels like he’s on the verge of a breakdown. 

His mom tries to reach out again, but Michael is too preoccupied to notice. So, you step in, your body in the middle of both of them. Your glare is icy, never relenting when you see his mother’s expression falter. She seems to be caught up in her own little world. Does she not know the damage she created? How dare she walk back into his life like he owes her everything.

No, she owes him everything.

“I don’t know you, but I know of you. I know what kind of person you are and it’s fucking disgusting.” Your tone is sharp as if laced with venom, and it cuts right through her little facade. You can see the second her fake kindness leaves, and you’re left with the disgust and hatred that Kaiser should have. 

“You are not allowed to walk back into Michael’s life when it’s convenient for you. You don’t get to do that. That’s not fair to him at all. 

Do you know how many times he’s tried to find you? You don’t, do you? He’s tried almost his entire life to find you, to find some sort of comfort in his mother. But you left him. You left a child all by himself with someone neither of you could’ve trusted. 

Do you know the first thing he said to me when I first hugged him? He thanked me. He thanked me for being there, for letting him breathe. He has constant thoughts that I’m going to leave him because of your mistakes.

And if you’re a good mother, if you truly missed him, you would’ve reached out in the past and apologized for everything. But you didn’t.

So no. I’m sorry, but not. You do not get to walk back into Michael’s life right now. He can reach out if and when he truly wants to. Please leave.”

Michael’s mother juts her chin up, a little huff leaving her mouth before she walks away. You truly thought that you wedged a block between Kaiser and his mother. You’re scared that if you turn around, you’ll see the hurt and betrayal across his face.

But that’s not it in the slightest. Kaiser is so proud to be called yours at this moment. He’s so very grateful to you. He has never had someone stick up for him in this way before.

Yes, he always acts as if nothing can bother him, even if he shows it on his face a little. But at this moment, he realizes that he wants to be held by you, he wants you to nurture him and to care for him. He wants to turn to you for things he has never received in his life.

Before he knows it, tears gather in his eyes, threatening to spill along his cheeks. His body moves on its own as he makes his way to you.

“Thank you,” his arms looped around your waist, his hold tightening ever so slightly. You thank the Lord that everyone has left or else everyone would see Kaiser crying and you know that he hates showing that to the world. 

You let those thoughts leave your mind, your smile growing back onto your face. “No need to thank me, my love. I meant every word and I will protect you until you’re ready to see her again.”

[itsonlybaby]

𐙚ᣟ݂﹒𝐩𝐲𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐝 - 𝐛. 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐤𝐞﹒

◜♡﹒﹒𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭﹒𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭﹒𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

playlist ! kinda took ur idea and ran with it, i love getting requests

Bellamy Blake- Arkadia

꒰ ୨୧ ꒱ ⸝⸝ It wasn't uncommon for you to flirt with Bellamy, but it was unusual for him to flirt with you back. ﹒ 　 ⊹ 　⤷ cw: smut, plot, nsfw

Flirting with Bellamy was my forte, brushing me off was his. I had stopped counting the number of times he'd dismissed my advances, not really caring. Most of the time it'd be a joke, and most of the time it wouldn't be.

Today was no exception.

I was walking down the halls of Arkadia to the bar where I 'worked' when I passed by Bellamy.

"Hey, hot stuff." I greeted as I always do with a smile.

"That's not my name, y/n." Despite his words, I could always hear a hint of amusement in his voice.

Bellamy always said it was inappropriate, that we were just friends, but that could never stop me. I knew he'd have to give in at one point, who wouldn't with me?

"Right, where are you off to looking like that?" I looked him up and down, he looked good. Though he looked like that every day. Literally.

Bellamy had a look of confusion as he examined his own outfit before connecting the dots and rolling his eyes, "I don't have time for this," He said before turning heel and continuing his walk down the hall.

"You know you love it!" I yelled before doing the same.

Life at Arkadia was simple, the grounders had stopped attacking around a month ago, and our hunting parties would always come back with feasts, it was how life should be.

And I didn't always flirt with Bellamy or shoot terrible pickup lines his way.

I knew when the time was right to do it, most saw it as a funny bit, most saw me as desperate or wierd, and some saw me as a girl trying to find her way which I found completely unrelated to the situation at hand. People usually made it known where they stood on the pyramid; either by their actions or words. But I wasn't sure where Bellamy stood on the pyramid; I was sure his stance fluctuated as the days passed.

Funny.

Desperate.

Weird.

Lost.

Those were the four trifectas of the pyramid.

There were days when I thought I should find my luck elsewhere- like Murphy or Monty, people who would fold the second I even glanced their way. But that was the easy way out, and Murphy wasn't exactly the cutest tool in the shed. I liked the chase with Bellamy; it was exhilarating. The constant back-and-forth banter on how it was inappropriate, how there were better times for flirting, and how bad the pickup line was.

The chase wasn't the only thing that fueled me, it was not knowing the outcome. Despite my confidence, I was sure how this would end with Bellamy, this could go on for years to come, and he could get a girlfriend. I wasn't sure how that thought made me feel- well I did; I just didn't know how to put it into one word.

Disgust, jealousy, hurt.

For my own brain's sake, it was a less-than-appealing thought.

"Hey, Sinclair!" I yelled, entering the back of the bar.

Jasper was already in his usual spot. He sat there every day for 43 days since they got rescued from Mount Weather, the only time he left was when we called Miller to carry him out.

I always asked Sinclair to just ban Jasper from the bar and save us the trouble, but Sinclair said to just let him cope after the trauma he'd been through, having lost someone special to him. So after the first 10 days, I stopped pitching the idea. I wasn't sure what else he was on, it was a sore sight for the other regulars who weren't drinking their way into the grave. It was a sad sight for anyone, but nobody but me had the guts to say anything to him.

I wasn't sure where Jasper was on the pyramid, when he wasn't drinking he was smoking, and when he wasn't smoking he was drinking. The only time he isn't doing either is when he's sleeping.

I like the think that the old Jasper would find it funny.

"So, what is it? Day 40 already?" I ask Jasper while pouring a new batch into the bar's fountain.

Jasper didn't turn to look at me, he didn't try and do anything, he never did. Though I didn't know how he felt since I've never lost anyone I loved.

"Day 43." His head was resting on his arms as he stared down into the half-empty glass, he didn't even feel like drinking, too consumed in his own sadness.

I didn't try to continue the conversation further, knowing the fun, easygoing Jasper was already drowned out by the buzz and taste of the drink in his hands. And I didn't openly argue with him, I already knew he was arguing with himself.

"Two minutes late, y/n." Sinclair said, appearing from the open door next to me.

Sinclair was like a mentor to me, he was tough on me but it kept me in line when I needed to be.

I knew where Sinclair stood on the pyramid, he thought I was trying to find my way in this burned world; which was only half true, the world was factually burned.

I wasn't lost, I wasn't trying to find my way. I thought people were taking it far too seriously for their own good. And no matter what I said, they would always think that.

"Salvation isn't easy, Sinclair." I joked, directing my attention from Jasper.

"Salvation lies within." Sinclair walked by me, taking a seat on the stool behind the bar.

"Salvation," I look to him, "Can kiss my ass." I smiled.

"Language," Sinclair warned, though a smile showed through his frown.

"Nobody deserves forgiveness," Jasper spoke up, in his self-deprecating pity.

I turned to look at him, his glass was now empty and he tossed me a familiar look.

I grabbed his cup and refilled it under the fountain, "Miserable quote of the day, Jas?" I handed him back his drink.

I joked to keep my own sanity around Jasper, his sadness had a way of infecting people. You could've been the happiest person but one minute around Jasper and you're drinking your way to an early grave.

Did it with half our regulars.

Jasper didn't reply, instead, he gulped down the thick liquor and stood abruptly. It wasn't a surprise, it was his usual routine. He'd drink until he felt tired of drinking, then dance until he felt tired of dancing.

All this sadness got me thinking back to my happy memories, I wonder what Bellamy is doing right now.

"You pass by Bellamy?" I ask turning my head towards Sinclair who was absentmindedly watching Jasper find music.

"Yeah, why?" He asked, resting his head on his palm with his elbow propped up.

"Just curious. Is he on watch today?" With how much I think about him you'd think I'd have his guard days down- but I don't- I'm not desperate.

Sinclair sighed, "For the first half, I think."

I smiled widely at this.

Serving at the bar was great, it meant I could socialize, and learn more about people, but most of all?

I could see Bellamy nearly every day.

Everyone used the bar room as a hangout area and eating area, it's where everyone went when they wanted to chill. It's where Bellamy always goes.

And like clockwork, I saw Bellamy's tall build walking into the bar with Miller and Clarke at his sides.

Miller was a nice guy, despite his total resting bitch face which intimidates most- if not all- people. Though, when it comes down to serious situations he isn't one to joke around. I, unfortunately, learned that the hard way when we were talking defense plans and I had the great idea to hit on Bellamy.

I was on guard watch for a week after that.

It was easy to understand where Miller landed on the pyramid, most of the time, he thought I was desperate. He believed I could get anyone else I wanted, and that I should give up on the delusion of Bellamy.

It really pushed my buttons when people couldn't grasp the joking aspect of it all, but I was too deep in the joke to stop.

I could tell Clarke didn't like me by the way she looked at me and by the way she talked to me. I didn't like her either. I wasn't sure why she didn't like me, it's not like I openly talk about hating her.

And it's fairly easy to know where Clarke stood, she told me every time I brought it up, she thought I was weird. Her words never got to me though, nobody ever did, I was very confident in myself.

Not wanting to suffer through my firting Sinclair patted me on the shoulder and took his leave, sad for him, I've been thinking of new ones this entire time.

Bellamy walked up to the bar while Miller and Clarke took their seats at a table, watching Jasper dance very tiredly.

"Let's hear it," I heard him say, already expecting my antics.

I smile, "Hear what?"

"Don't play dumb, I've been waiting all day for this one." My smile was quickly returned with a grin as he leaned on the surface.

"Why don't we skip the talking and go back to my room." I placed three cups full of liquor on the bar.

I was expecting him to laugh my comment off, return to his friends, and make some witty comments.

"Might take you up on your offer if you keep dressing like that,"

His tone was the opposite of his smile, he sounded serious.

Maybe he was drunk.

But he hadn't even drunk.

This was the first time he didn't brush off my flirting.

I felt all my confidence go out the window, finally not having a witty comeback I stared towards the ground. Feeling my face fog over with a deep red I hoped he didn't notice, I hoped he took the drinks and left.

But the world never worked in my favor.

"Look at me," Bellamy said.

I didn't hesitate to obey his command, looking up at him to be met with a cocky grin.

Bellamy noticed the red lining my cheeks, he didn't know I'd fold this fast.

"That's a good princess." I watched as he took all three cups in his big hands and turned his heel towards Clarke and Miller.

I was left stunned.

"Can I get another drink?" Jasper slurred.

"Shut up..." I breathed out.

I watched Bellamy's figure that entire night, he knew it too, I didn't try to hide it. But I knew he was watching me too, he watched as I interacted with people, while I poured drinks, and watched me watch him.

Why was I so nervous over two simple sentences? I was supposed to be in control.

The night was full of shameless staring, eye fucking each other from across the room. A complete switch from this morning.

My mind imagined what was under his clothes, what was below his waistline. The thought made my whole body shiver.

The hours passed by antagonizing slowly. Jasper got mad and voluntarily left the bar while Clarke and Miller took their leave, and once they left so did the rest.

But Bellamy didn't leave.

He stayed until the bar room was empty and the only thing you could hear was the low hum of music from the bar's old iPod recovered from Mount Weather.

Knowing it was just me and Bellamy left in the bar I felt nervous.

Was he going to leave too? Turn heel and pretend it didn't happen? What did happen? Why am I asking so many questions?

Bellamy was sitting at a table in the middle of the bar, gazing at me as I emptied the fountains into buckets for the night. Thanks, Jasper.

My hands were trembling the entire time, I was too focused on trying to look normal I didn't even notice when Bellamy stood up, I didn't notice when he walked to the bar, and I didn't notice when he leaned on it.

Placing the lock on the barrel I stood up once again, being startled when I locked eyes with Bellamy.

"Got anything else for me?" He asked, looking me up and down.

Confidence.

"I need you..."

That is not confidence.

"Go to your place, I'll be there soon." Bellamy stood up correctly while speaking, his body now towering over mine from across the bar.

I wasn't sure if it was because I felt intimidated or curious, but my chores had been long forgotten. My only goal now was to listen to Bellamy.

He stared with a smile, watching me walk out of the bar and down the hall towards my room.

Thousands of thoughts were racing around my mind.

Maybe he was just pranking me, or standing me up, finally getting payback for all the inconvenient times I've hit on him like a desperate dog.

One thing was for sure.

I knew where I stood on the pyramid.

Sneaking into my room I realized the mess I left it in when I woke up late this morning.

"Shit!" I whisper-yelled, quickly tending to the mess unsure of how much time I'd have.

What was I meant to do in these situations? Undress and look sexy on the bed? Just stand here and wait? Stare into the wall and think about my actions that led to this point? Only one of those options sounded good to me at this moment.

And it was definitely not the first one.

But what if he was expecting that?

I shut my mind up when I heard three knocks.

I didn't need to check to know it was him. What do people do in these situations? Do I wait before answering?

Confidence.

Opening the door I was met with Bellamy looking down at me. He wasn't in his jacket and he carried a serious face.

"Do you, um, wanna come in?" I ask, my voice wavering.

My confidence once again crumbled at the sight of him.

"I wanna do more than that," Bellamy said before walking inside, once the door was closed he pressed his lips to mine.

Something primal took over Bellamy, he kissed me wildly as we walked backward towards my bed. We didn't part once, not even when he roughly dragged my pants down and undid his, or when he tore my shirt to get to my breasts.

The cold air hit my nipple but was soon covered by his big, calloused hands. I moaned into the kiss and he smiled, parting from the kiss to get a full view of my chest.

I bit my lip as I watched him, his gaze shifting from my breasts, down my stomach, and towards my cunt hiding behind my panties.

"You were so cocky this morning," His hands roamed down underneath my panties, "What happened, princess?"

The feeling of him exploring my body made me shiver and let out a breathy moan.

I couldn't believe Bellamy had me crumbling and melting under his gaze and touch. It was everything I'd been dreaming of, I knew I wouldn't last long with his praise.

"Stop teasing." I breathe out, bucking my hips up more into his hand, needing more than his fingers.

He smirked and snaked my panties down my thighs at a teasingly slow pace.

"Careful what you wish for."

He gripped my thighs and spread them apart, my lips parting with them. Bellamy used one of his hands to lower his boxers just enough to reveal his hardened cock.

I shivered at the contact it made with my cunt, "Please."

With a smirk, he lined his tip up with my entrance, and with a light thrust, he only inserted the tip.

I propped myself up on my elbows and watched his tip enter me, despite the little amount he was giving me I still felt the pain of the stretch. I needed more, I needed him; all of him.

"Bell, please, more," I said in a whiny voice staring up into his brown eyes.

"Brave princess, huh?"

I wasn't expecting him to thrust fully into me, but I was glad he did. The feeling overtook my entire body with a shake of my legs causing me to throw my head back with a loud moan, despite the pain a soft smile appeared on my face.

Bellamy let out his own series of groans at the tightness around his cock, the sight of me such a mess over his dick was beautiful to him, knowing he caused this, knowing I could follow his orders so well.

"Good fucking girl." He groaned out, running his hands down my thighs and to my hips, gripping them tightly as he began thrusting into me roughly.

I couldn't keep my eyes open, pain being mixed with pleasure making me shut them tightly.

"Keep your eyes open, princess, I want you to watch,"

I opened my eyes and watched as his cock pounded into me, the wet coat clearly visible despite the low lighting.

Bellamy used one of his hands to start circling around my clit as a reward for listening to him.

I was already reaching my climax, his fingers guiding me to my peak.

"I'm so close, Bell," Lewd sounds filled both our ears.

"Let it go, it's okay," He deepened his thrusts when he leaned forward, ghosting his lips on my cheeks and giving kisses to my jaw.

My entire body shook as my orgasm hit, I grabbed onto his back and dug my nails into the flesh; needing to grip onto anything while he fucked me through my high. The pleasure was unlike anything I've ever felt, him being so close causing me to breathe in his scent- it was intoxicating.

"That's my good girl, just like that," Bellamy exaggerated out the 'just.'

Bellamy pampered my neck with his kisses, leaving surprises I'd find in the morning. But I was too starstruck to care, only thinking about how well he fit in me.

I could tell Bellamy was close, he sounder louder with his grunts, and his hips couldn't keep up with his thoughts. I ran my fingers from his back and into his hair, gripping it slightly.

Bellamy began thrusting more wildly and faster, chasing his high until he finally reached it.

"Princess," He pulled out and rested his dick on my stomach as he came with a loud groan in my ear.

Coming down from his high Bellamy pulled away from me, letting me see his cum that decorated my stomach. Before he could grab a cloth I scooped the cum up with my fingers and stuck them in my mouth as he watched; the salty taste invading my mouth while I bit my lip at his reaction.

Bellamy only smirked at me before zipping his pants back up.

"Want me to stay?" He asked, watching me crawl under the fur covers.

"Of course I do, hot stuff." I scooted over giving Bellamy enough room to slide in next to me.

"That's not my..." He cut himself off, "Alright, princess." He smiled as he pulled me into a small kiss.

I learned two things that night.

Bellamy was amazing in bed.

And I didn't care about the pyramid anymore.

◜♡﹒﹒𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭﹒𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭﹒𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

[luveline]

Hey if you're still taking requests could I get any sort if angst to comfort for zombie au steve? Been feeling down lately and I've always loved that series!

ty for requesting! zombie au. fem, 1.5k

The new pencils are oil-cored, as opposed to his last ones, which had been wax. They were just fine, but these oil pencils allow him to blend colours and shades with more finesse than ever. He can pour twenty different colours into the tone of your skin and have them blend into a real, phototechnical you. 

He’s pretty proud of this one. 

He wakes up first every morning, allowing for time where you’re unaware and he’s got nothing to do. He’s sketched you so many times it comes naturally. Steve probably wouldn’t need to look, but watching you sleep is half the joy of drawing you. 

You're drooling a little. 

Steve puts the handful of pencils he’d been using to colour your neck back into his pen case. He puts the case and his sketchbook on top of his main bag, shoving it into a corner of your tent with the rest of the bags to climb back onto the bed. It’s a portable cushioning made for camping, and it’s nothing like a mattress, but it is much kinder to your backs than sleeping on the ground. Warmer, too. 

He pushes your head back, knowing it will wake you, his thumb to the little drool line to wipe it away, his palm on your cheek to hold it. 

“Hello.” He kisses your other cheek as your lashes twitch. Doesn’t even think about not doing it. “Good morning.” 

“Morning,” you mumble strangely. 

“What’s that?” he says, soft to match your quiet. His breath kisses your lips. “What’s wrong? You sound sad.” 

You force your eyes apart, and you feel along the mattress with your hand. Steve watches in real time as your eyes fill with tears, huge, heavy tears that well in the corner of your left and spill from the right to wet the pillow under your head. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks, the effort expended to stay calm so gutting he has to squeeze the pillow just shy of your head. 

You grab for him, blankets and your half-open sleeping bag crinkling but not too thick to feel the force of your fingers gripping his sides. 

You must’ve had a bad dream, that’s what he thinks. He’s had enough of them, and he’s unfortunately cried after almost all of them. Sometimes you’ve seen it, sometimes you haven’t, but you look at him with love no matter what —he can forget dreams of losing you when you’re murmuring niceness in his ear, and he can give it back to you. 

“It’s okay,” he says, letting you squeeze him hard. “Don’t cry.” And that’s a little awkward of him, that sneaking panic, but he’s never claimed to be a professional. 

You cry in a weird breath that borders a gag. “I’m so-sorry.” 

“It’s okay, it’s fine. I have bad dreams too. You know that.” 

Steve attempts to get both arms behind your shoulders, pulling you into him, sitting you up. He can’t cope with how quickly you’ve fallen apart. To wake up crying, how scary the dream must’ve been, he hates it. 

“It’s okay,” he says. 

“It was a good dream,” you say. 

Steve frowns. “Okay, so what’s the problem?” 

“We had a house. We had a dog. I don’t– don’t even know if you like cats, but you had a dog, and we,” —you sob between words, not too loudly as to travel far, but aching— “were planning a trip. It felt so real, Steve. You were so happy.” 

Steve tries to process it as fast as he can. “Oh,” he says softly, hand lax where it had been rubbing your shoulder. 

“You were so happy,” you say again, burying the tip of your nose into his neck. You’re practically crawling atop him, but he’s strong enough to stop you from laying him down. 

“It’s okay, honey. Jesus,” he says, patting your back again. “It’s alright. It’s okay.” 

“We’ll never have those things.” 

“Baby, who says so?” he asks in a murmur. 

“We’ll never get to go anywhere together–”

“It feels like we’ve seen pretty much all of America,” he says. He’s joking, but travelling with you from place to place has felt expansive. You’ve seen forests and lakes, a thousand different houses, hundreds of neighbourhoods, and street art and installations and billboards for movies that were never screened. Steve’s seen about as much of the world as he wants to see. “I’d just stay in this tent with you forever if they let us, we don’t need to go anywhere else.” 

“You wanted to see palm trees,” you say, sniffling and pained as your tears warm the curve of his trap. 

“I’ve seen them,” Steve says. “Don’t worry. I’ve already seen palm trees. A whole bunch of them. Don’t worry about what I wanted in the dream, it was just a dream.” 

He gives you a quick kiss, his lips to the very edge of your temple. 

“I feel like I’m gonna be sick.” 

Steve nods. He draws from you reluctantly and opens the tent, ushering you on knees to sit out in the cool air. He sits next to you, dewdrops from the grass wetting his jeans, the sky a humming of early morning colours; the sun rises in bands of orange and raspberry pink, darkness above, sun rays kissing the sides of tents and the portables in the distance. 

You take deep breaths. Steve holds your hand, the two of you looking up at the strange sky. 

“We’ll never be that happy,” you say. 

Steve can hear your agony, and he knows what you mean. He thinks of that life with you and never lets himself think far. You would've gone to college, maybe, and Steve would’ve drove to visit you —he would’ve moved. Maybe in your second year you’d live together in a suburb just between college and his job, whatever it is he’d ended up doing, in a house you chose, with a ring on your finger. Steve wants kids but if you don’t then perhaps you’d have had none, but he still likes to picture you with your babies, a big family, years later. And maybe he’d have a dog. A silly looking one with bark worse than its bite. 

And you’d be together. You would be happy. Nothing to hurt you. Nothing to lose you to. You’d never worry where your next meal was coming from, you’d never feel cold. 

Steve breathes out. Sniffs biting air. “We’ll never be that happy. That kind of happy. We’re never gonna go on trips, maybe we won’t ever have a house, but–“ He pulls your hand toward him, your eyes latching on to his. “But maybe we will. We might not get to watch cable, but we can have a tv, in a living room. We can live together, and maybe we will take trips. I don’t know. I don’t know what we’ll have, but I’m already happy. You don’t have to cry about me being happy.” He shakes his head. “Shit, you shouldn’t. I want that life with you so much I dream about it too, but I have this one.” 

“You think we’ll have a house?” you ask hopefully. 

“We can’t live like this forever.” He’s promising it. “Something has to give.” 

“I want us to have more,” you say. 

A weak confession, your cheeks wet with tears but eyes thankfully drying, your eyelids puffy already from sleep and crying alike. Steve wants you to have everything, even if everything is a stupid thing to think you’ll have. 

“We will.” Steve closes one eye, a sort of prolonged wink of pain as his nose wrinkles. “But this is enough for now, right?” 

“No.” 

You’re kidding, to Steve’s relief. 

He laughs and elbows you, glad to see your smile as you evade poorly. “Say it’s enough!” 

“No way.” 

You don’t wait for him to pull you in or ask if it’s alright, flopping without ceremony into his lap, and then turning toward him to hug his stomach. He looks down at you fondly, hand rubbing up your warm back. You’re still clammy from sleeping, but you’re not crying anymore. 

“It’s really cold out here.” 

“I know.” He blows a warm breath in your ear. “Do you still feel sick? Don’t barf in my lap.” 

“I’m sorry, Steve. It just felt so real.” 

His voice turns to a silky whisper he’s only ever used in love. “I know. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine. We never would’ve… I’d never get to be here,” —you squeeze him around the waist— “if we were in a world where we also get the house and the dog and… the family…” 

“But it would’ve been nice,” Steve finishes, looking up from your back to watch as the raspberry bands of pink turn to blue. 

“It would’ve been perfect.” 

[pearlescent-poppies]

I’m sick and tired of the Flower Husbands discourse. Like really truly it is just making me so upset now. They are my comfort ship. They are. My first tattoo is a poppy with the ESMP1 quote. I want to hold them in my hands and give them all of the good things in the world. When I see people calling them toxic and abusive, it really hurts me. And there’s not a tag to filter out all of it, not all of them tag “toxic flower husbands”. I get it, okay? I do. I get why you might see them like that. But if anything? If we’re going to see Flower Husbands as the most toxic duo, take a look at every other relationship Jimmy has in the Life Series (with the exception of Tango) and you’ll find the same thing. He’s the butt of the joke. He’s the canary they all poke fun of in his cage. He doesn’t care. But Scott does care. If Desert Duo never left the desert, Scott never stopped crying at Jimmy’s grave. Did you watch his series all the way through? Did you see his ideal afterlife? That Jimmy welcomed him home because that is what they had together? Did you hear the way Scott’s voice got sad talking about how quiet and weird it was not to have Jimmy with him? Have you not watched as Scott uses every single opportunity possible to bring up Flower Husbands? He misses Jimmy with every fiber of his being. Jimmy misses Scott too. Did you watch Last Life? Do you know what Martyn did to make Jimmy give him back the life? He promised a life together, Martyn says it himself! That it was all romantic promising to run away just the two of them. How Jimmy was so hopeful. So naive because this was the beginning, he’s not got all of the hope anymore. Jimmy has had to move on. Jimmy made himself move on. 30 seconds. Do you not imagine him turning away from that interaction resigned to his choice a single tear rolling down his face before he rejoins his boys in their shenanigans? Cause I do. That was a man he had devoted his life to. And yeah, maybe it was because of a joke and a silly a poppy. But do you know what a poppy means? Remembrance, dreams, death, and hope for a peaceful future. Do you know what the white daisy, blue cornflower, and red tulip meant at Jimmy’s grave? Purity, life, reanimation, hope, and true feelings. Do you think a character who conveys a message like that capable of the abuse you accuse him of? Scott’s general air of cattiness is just his character. Hard edges that once you’ve chipped away at, reveal someone who is extremely dedicated and fiercely loyal even and especially to his own detriment. Scott will make jokes about finally being free once his husband dies to the war, but I really think that’s just him preparing for the inevitable. Jimmy was going to die. Canary or not. They all were. So why not make a joke out of being lambs in a slaughterhouse. Isn’t that one of the main ways people cope? Scott loved his husband. Still does and will continue too. Jimmy is the same. But he let go. Had to. He would never have forgiven himself for dragging Scott down with him. How many times do you think that man apologised to Tango for dying first. How many times do you think that man apologised to Tango for dying first before they even lost their third life in the first place? I honestly think Scott himself sums this up best: “I don’t always put myself first and sure I’ve made plenty of mistakes and I’ve hurt people. But I’ve always done my best.”

So next time you wanna call them toxic, rewatch the series and think about this post.

[writershapeholeonthedoor]

Happier than ever

Pairing: Elizabeth Olsen x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your previous relationship was toxic and you're still coping with it.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language. This was requested by one of you 🤗

Warnings: Mention of domestic abuse and toxic relationship

MASTERLIST

“Babe,” you called out as you walked inside the kitchen where your girlfriend was making dinner for both of you.

“Yes, love?” Elizabeth replied without turning back, though she reached out her free arm to curl around your waist as soon as you got close enough.

You leaned over to take a deep breath and look inside the pan, groaning when your mouth watered at the sight and smell. Elizabeth chuckled and pinched your side playfully, making you squirm away with a laugh. “How long until we can eat?” You asked with some sort of playful plea behind your words.

“Soon. Can you keep the black hole you call your stomach in check until then?”

You knew she was playing with you, teasing, the same way she always did, but you still bit your bottom lip when tears pricked at the back of your eyes. It was silly, but you had a hard week and you were quite sensible about everything lately. Deep down you knew it was a joke. At that moment, though, you asked yourself if Elizabeth thought you were eating too much. And, if so, if she thought you had gained weight.

“What were you going to ask me?” Elizabeth asked, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You were about to ask something totally different, but you couldn’t brush the worries to the side. “Are you saying I eat too much?” Her reply was to scoff and roll her eyes, which was not an answer at all and only made you worry even more. You didn’t press the subject, even if you wanted to insist on a direct answer. “Well, I was going to ask if you’re going to be here next week. Friday.”

“No,” Elizabeth said without missing a beat, but this time she turned her head to give you a sad smile. “I travel on Wednesday, remember? I have the Comic Con coming up.”

“Oh, right,” you sighed and frowned.

Elizabeth’s busy schedule was a surprise to you since the beginning of your relationship. You could barely keep up with it, couldn’t even understand how it was possible for someone to travel so much, but you liked to think you were getting better at it. It has been six months since you met and four since you officially started dating, but those have been the best months of your life, for sure.

“Why do you ask?”

“Oh, my friend is throwing a party and invited us,” you explained. “But I will tell them we can’t go.”

“I can’t go,” she corrected you, clearly confused as she threw you a glance. “You can. Or do you have something else to do?”

“Oh,” you breathed out. You didn’t realize it, but your fingers were grabbing your telephone harder than they needed to, your knuckles going white. “I just… Well, since you can’t go, and it’s a nightclub, I thought…”

You thought you weren’t allowed to go, but you didn’t say it out loud. You had a girlfriend now, you were in a relationship, and you weren’t supposed to go out without Elizabeth, especially not to a nightclub. Just after that thought crossed your mind, you wanted to scold yourself.

Of course you could go, of course you could have fun, of course you were allowed to be outside without your girlfriend. You just had to keep reminding yourself of that because it didn’t come naturally to you.

“You should go,” Elizabeth said, once again taking you out of your head without even realizing it. “That’s your friend from college, right? You told me you missed her.”

“Right, yes,” you mumbled. She moved to grab something and you took two steps back to give her room to do so, going silently as you watched her for a few more seconds. “I will think about it.”

You are mostly in silence, although Elizabeth kept talking about her upcoming agenda so you didn’t have to say much. She seemed excited to do interviews with her castmates and to see some of them again, and didn’t notice you were oddly quiet. You washed the dishes after you were done eating and you both watched some comedy movie before going to bed to sleep. You woke up feeling much better the next morning, thinking last night had been just a small downfall.

[...]

It happened again two weeks after Elizabeth was back from her trip. You were at your apartment this time eating pizza and drinking wine because neither of you wanted to cook. You were sitting at the table trying to finish off some work you brought home while Elizabeth was sitting across from you reading some of her lines for an upcoming shooting, both of you in comfortable silence.

It has been maybe half an hour or less that you were taking notes and writing down a few things when you remembered something and quickly grabbed a post-it to scribble four numbers on it. You reached out to glue it at the table in front of your girlfriend and she lowered her papers to look at it with confusion. She arched her eyebrows and looked at you, clearly asking for an explanation, and you shrugged.

“I changed my phone’s password yesterday.”

Elizabeth blinked at you, then looked down at the four numbers you had picked to be your new password, then back at you. “Is this your password?”

“Yes.” You nodded, already turning your attention back to your work. You were already biting the back of your pen again trying to decipher the numbers your team had provided you with when you noticed she was still looking at you. “What?”

“Why did you give me your password?”

You opened your mouth to reply, only to quickly close it again when you realized what you were about to say. Your cheeks burned in shame when you noticed what you did and why you had done it, and you quickly reached out to grab the post-it again, crumpling it with your hand and choosing not to reply to her. It would sound as stupid out loud as it did inside your head. She didn’t ask for your password, she never even asked to look at your phone, to see your text messages, to take a look at your DMs.

Once again, you were betrayed by habit.

Luckily for you, Elizabeth’s phone rang a second later and she excused herself to answer it, saying it was the director of her new movie. You watched her go before you took a deep breath and ran your hands down your face. You stared at the screen of your computer for so long that Elizabeth was back before you even moved to go back to work.

When she sat across from you, it seemed she didn’t even remember the odd conversation you had a few minutes ago, and you weren’t sure you were glad.

[...]

“Excuse me,” you heard someone saying to your left and turned around out of instinct more than anything. You saw a nice looking girl, with a soft smile, dark hair, and dark eyes, looking at you and you waited for her to keep talking since you had no idea why she caught your attention. “I normally don’t do this, but I was looking at you and I thought… Well, maybe you could give me your number so we can grab a coffee someday.”

You felt your eyes widen and your mouth drop open in shock, but you wasted no time looking out for your girlfriend to see if she had heard this girl talking. Elizabeth was leaning against the counter looking at the menu while she tried to pick what she wanted to drink and didn’t seem to have paid any attention to that, so you sighed in relief and turned around to the girl again. You offered her a polite smile before taking a respectful step back.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I have a girlfriend.”

“That’s okay. I’m sorry to bother you.”

And, just like that, the girl was gone with her cheeks red and a shy smile. You shook your head and approached Elizabeth to look over her shoulder at the menu to pick up your order, but her voice made your entire body freeze.

“You keep turning heads whenever you walk, huh?”

Your heart started to race and your mind ran a mile per hour trying to come up with a reply, but then Elizabeth turned her head to look at you and she had an amused smile and bright green eyes filled with mischief, which made you quickly realize she was only teasing you. She wasn’t mad. She thought it was funny.

Not sure how you could reply to that, you simply rolled your eyes. “Pick your coffee. The line is already outside the door.”

She chuckled, looked away and started giving her order to the boy behind the counter. Meanwhile, you cursed yourself for having another panicked reaction. When you sat down to drink your coffee, Elizabeth started chatting about her most recent trip and you listened as much as your troubled mind allowed you to.

Eventually, after she took a break to sip at her coffee, you decided to address something that had been bothering you for a while now. “Lizzie, remember when I told you about my previous relationship?”

She frowned, but nodded. “Yes. You said it ended a couple of years ago.”

“Well, yes, but… I didn’t mention that it ended badly after a huge fight we had. One of the fights we had,” you told her. “We had many fights, actually.”

“Oh,” she breathed out, seemingly confused as to why you were telling her that.

“Yeah, she was… she was a bit jealous.” You sighed. “She would have flipped a table if someone hit on me like that.” You decided not to mention that a table would have been literally flipped if your ex-girlfriend was the one standing there. The relationship you had before Elizabeth wasn’t a good one, even if you stayed with your ex for almost eight years. Every once in a while, you were surprised to see how different things could be with Elizabeth.

“Well, you are a very beautiful woman,” Elizabeth said with a charming smile and a wink at you. “I can’t blame people for looking.”

And she looked so happy, so relaxed, so truthful saying that, that you didn’t have the heart to keep telling her about the things you lived before she came into your life. Instead, you also smiled and decided to brush it off. You would talk to your therapist again, you would keep working to heal some wounds that were still bleeding, and it would be fine.

It would be fine.

[...]

You were putting some clean clothes away when you felt two hands suddenly grabbing your waist and a yelled: “Gotcha!” right to your ear.

You were distracted, thinking about work and your chores, so you obviously weren’t expecting that. The yell that left your lips wasn’t a normal one. It wasn’t a surprised, playful one. It wasn’t one you could brush off with a laugh. No. You yelled like you were afraid for your life, dropping everything you had in your hands and shrinking away before you could stop yourself.

And then, because things weren’t already bad enough, you felt yourself slipping into a panic attack very fast. Your breath got hollow, your heart started to race, your vision blurred, and all you wished was to crawl to a corner and cry.

“Hey, hey, it’s me,” you heard Elizabeth saying, only then realizing it had been her who sneaked behind you. “Y/N, calm down, take a breath.”

You tried to. You really did. But your chest felt like there was a train on top of it and you were shaking so much that you almost missed the edge of the bed when you tried to sit on it. You barely felt Elizabeth’s hands guiding you, you certainly missed when she tried talking to you again, and you didn’t notice when she walked to the kitchen to grab you a cup of water before returning as fast as she could. She coaxed you to drink the water, then grabbed your hands and started asking you to name things you could see, things you could smell, things you could feel, and things you could hear, until your breathing started to calm down and you were able to look at her again.

“Are you okay?” She asked, her eyes filled with concern and guilt, and you couldn’t take that so you looked away.

“Yes,” you whispered.

“Are you sure?” You nodded, soon hearing a sigh from her. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean to scare you that much. I just… I saw you were distracted and I thought it would be fun to jump on you. I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s not your fault,” you told her with a sad smile.

It was sad because it really wasn’t her fault, but the one to blame for that wasn’t around. No, the person who made that to you was far away, living her life without traumas, without dealing with those moments of doubts and fears, acting as if she hadn’t ruined you forever. You were the one who stayed with all of that to deal with. You were the one with the scars, the wounds, the hurt. And you just lashed out at someone who had nothing to do with that.

“My love,” Elizabeth said in a gentle, concerned voice. Her hands were placed at your thighs, but she wasn’t moving them, afraid her touch might trigger something else. “Can you tell me what happened?”

You didn’t want to, not really. Because you knew things would change after you said something. You wouldn’t have Elizabeth playfully jumping on you. However, you knew you should tell her everything because it wasn’t fair to you to endure it all alone.

So you took a deep breath and patted the bed beside you so she would get up from where she was crouched on the floor. Elizabeth understood and quickly got up to sit beside you, reaching out to grab your hands as soon as she sat. You smiled a bit at that, although it soon disappeared as you thought about how to start that conversation.

“My ex-girlfriend…” You had to pause to swallow the lump that raised in your throat. “When we had that fight that led to our breakup, she… well, she pushed me really hard when I was doing the dishes. I hit my head against the cupboard. She started yelling into my face, calling me names and all of that because she thought I was cheating on her. Well, that was the night I decided to leave her, but… But so many things happened before that.” Your voice was barely a whisper at the end, but you felt Elizabeth squeezing your hand and giving you the strength to keep talking. “It was never physical before that, though I’m sure it would be a common thing if I stayed after that night. It was small things that I didn’t even realize at first, you know? She would look through my phone, so I always had to give her the password to access it or it would start a massive fight. Every time I had to change it, for whatever reason, she got so mad. So mad,” you added with a grimace. “She would make small comments about my weight and the way I looked just to make me sad. I know that’s why she did that. I would be having a good day, a day where I was happy, and she would say something just to see my smile go away.”

“Oh, baby,” Elizabeth whimpered and you wondered if she even noticed she said it out loud.

“I couldn’t go out with my friends without her and, even when we did go out with them, I had to stay next to her,” you continued. “If someone hit on me, she would yell at me, say it was my fault, that I was acting like a whore and that’s why people thought they could come to me. She was jealous of everything and everyone, it was a nightmare. I lost count of how many times we had a massive fight about nothing and she would just storm out and I would stay up all night wondering if she was okay, wondering if she was coming back or not.” You took another deep breath. You had been looking at your joined hands since you started talking, knowing you wouldn’t be able to say it all if you were looking at her. “We broke up over two years ago and I thought… I thought I would never enter another relationship again, but then I met you and I…” You opened and closed your mouth a couple of times, suddenly at a loss of words to express what you wanted. “I’m so lucky to have you in my life, Lizzie. You’re nothing like her. Nothing,” you repeated to make sure she would understand that. “But she left scars in me that just pop up sometimes.”

“Oh, baby,” Elizabeth said once you were done talking, now looking at her. It was clear she wanted to reach out to hug you but wasn’t sure if the gesture would be welcome, which made you even more sad. That’s what you were afraid of. That’s why you hadn’t said anything before. “I’m so, so sorry that you had to go through that.”

“Yes, well,” you smiled sadly. “It’s over. I left that place and never looked back.”

“You did,” she agreed with you. “You were so brave.”

“Now you know why I randomly gave you my password,” you tried to joke, but you couldn’t master enough humor to do so.

“How could I have not realized it before?” Elizabeth asked herself. “God, how didn’t I see it before?!”

“I didn’t tell you anything before,” you reminded. “And you had a lot on your plate already.”

“That’s not an excuse,” she insisted. “You’re my girlfriend, someone I deeply care for, someone I love. I should have paid more attention to those signals. Gosh, they’re so clear now that you said it.”

“Lizzie, that’s the thing,” you interrupted her. “Now that I told you, you know what to look for. You didn’t know before. I’m not going to apologize for not saying anything because I wasn’t ready to do so. I know it’s been two years, but it still pains me to remember some things.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

“Neither do you.” You looked at her with stern eyes. “You didn’t know.”

“You tried to tell me that day at the coffee shop,” she reminded with a frown. “You told me you guys used to fight, but I didn’t think…”

“Elizabeth, stop.” Your firm voice made her close her mouth and look at you with wide green eyes. “It happened, it can’t be changed. You know I go to therapy and I like to think I’m getting better and better every day, but it’s hard to break some habits, especially the bad ones. I’m telling you this now so you can understand some of my actions as well. I overreacted when you scared me, but I had a reason to. I freeze when you walk behind me when I’m on my phone, because I expect you to grab it from my hand. I might cry if you raise your voice while we discuss something, because I expect you to yell at me and walk away. I’m trying to be better, but you need to know that those things might happen along the way.”

“My love, I’m so proud that you told me this,” Elizabeth affirmed, suddenly bringing tears to your eyes. “And I’m so proud of you for leaving something that wasn’t good for you. I promise I will be more aware of those things. I won’t jump on you anymore, I won’t make any jokes that might make you uncomfortable. You just name it and I will do it. Whatever you need.”

You felt your heart full with the honesty you could see on her face and hear in her voice. Elizabeth seemed truly worried, truly willing to find ways to help you out, to make things easier for you, and you felt the lump in your throat again.

“I bet you weren’t expecting to end up with a mess like me,” you commented with a watery laugh.

However, Elizabeth shook her head vehemently. “Don’t say that. You’re not a mess. Do you remember when I told you I don’t like getting drunk or being around people who get drunk? I noticed that you never drank too much after that. You’re always in control to make me comfortable. That’s what I want to do for you. That’s what you deserve at the very least.”

“I love you,” you whispered since all the emotions running through you were making it hard to say anything else.

“I love you too, my love. And I promise you to be by your side as long as you want me to.”

“I hope you have the time, then,” you joked, already leaning in for a kiss. “Because I don’t want you to be anywhere else.”

[detentedead]

“I needed you here.”

Summary: You find Daryl alone in an abandoned house while on the run looking for medical supplies, you know something is up and you find your way to cheer him up. Suddenly things get more intimate than you think that evening.

(Angst+Fluff💘🧸)

Shy/Inexperienced Daryl x F!Reader)

Warning: SPOILERS(S5)! Mentions of Daryl’s!SH, Death/Grief, Language, Cheesy joke at the very end, and Thats pretty much it. Nothing too crazy. It mostly gets sweet at the end, don’t worry!

(This is my first public fic so I hope you like it if you come across this! By the way, some things in here are canon, some are not, but hopefully that still makes this enjoyable to read!)

You knew it was getting dark soon, but you also knew you couldn’t come empty handed to the group, when you were out for such a long time. Usually you were pretty quick to come back, which probably made the group worry even more, but you had something on your mind that kept you from returning.

Well, someone.

Daryl was gone for a few days after an argument that he had with one of the other guys. You didn’t really know what happened, but you knew something pissed him off. And you were worried about him, although you knew Daryl was very strong and pretty great at being independent especially with surviving, you worried more about how he coped with his emotions, something he wasn’t the best at.

When Daryl is upset sometimes he’d burn himself with cigarettes, that’s something you brought up to him awhile back, after Beth’s death. You knew Beth was like a sister to him, and they both got so close whilst alone together until she was snatched away from him right then and there when Dawn killed her.

You felt terrible after what happened. You knew Daryl was still struggling, even more so that the group has lost countless of people that he and you cared for and loved very much. You were pretty strong at coping with your feelings, and when the time came you showed them. That’s something Daryl couldn’t relate to you with, he always kept it inside. He felt weak every time he cried, or showed any kind of signs of sadness. He hated being “vulnerable” like that.

But something about you, always broke that shell for him. He trusted you very much, and that’s something Daryl has a hard time doing. After all the people that betrayed him, lied to him, hurt him, he’s like a stray dog. Angry on the outside, but filled with fear on the inside…

While it was still gloaming, you sighed to yourself hoping you found Daryl and some medical supplies soon. Honestly, he’s on your mind so much that you almost keep forgetting to look for any of that. You were just worried sick. Was he hurting himself again? That’s something that made your heart ache in pain, the intrusive thought of him doing that made you wanna cry already.

You knew he couldn’t help it, especially if he was alone. That’s always why you tried to stay with him, to distract him.

Suddenly you found an abandoned house, with the gate closed. You thought it could be a sign that someone was inside.

“Oh Christ, please be here please be here…” You whispered to yourself. Hoping it was Daryl…

You saw a slight shadow through the broken window with stained curtains, you really hoped it was him, and not just some stupid walker.

Daryl noticed a noise, but he didn’t think much of it, sitting down on a chair next to the broken window with tears running down his face, and a cigarette in his mouth. He took a long drag of the cigarette, and as he was about to burn himself, you caught him in the act.

You loudly whispered at him, which somewhat came out as a gasp.

“Daryl! Don’t…”

He looked at you, trying to keep a straight face, but then his lips started to quiver, eyes starting to water. He slowly got up from the chair, dropping the cigarette in front of him, killing it by stepping on it whilst walking towards you, he looked at you, with the saddest look you’ve ever seen him give you, and rested his head on your shoulder, crying into you.

“Oh, Daryl. It’s okay; it’s okay. I’m here.”

That only made him cry even more. The few days that he was gone, that’s all he ever wanted to hear again.

“Shh, Daryl… it’s alright, it’s alright.” You cooed.

He was sobbing on your shoulder, motioning his arms to hug you tightly, and hands shaking slightly.

“I…” it sounded like he wanted to say something, but he interrupted with a scratchy grunt.

“Yes, Daryl? It’s okay… You can tell me.”

“I… I needed you. I needed you here, wit’me.” He weeped.

“Oh, love… It’s alright. I’m here now.” You gave him a kiss on the head, caressing his back with pet like strokes, and slight scratches with your fingertips.

As you pulled away from the hug, you held both of his hands, leading him to find a comfortable spot for you two to rest on while looking behind you to ensure you don’t trip on anything.

“M’sorry I… Y’didn’t have to look for me I could take care of m’self…”

“Sweetie no, no… don’t be sorry.”

You rested yourself on a couch, while Daryl was still standing up in front of you, and holding your hands tightly.

You let go of his grip on your left hand, then patting the cushion for him to sit down.

He weakly crawled over to the couch, resting his head on your thigh.

You tucked his hair behind his ear, seeing the sadness right through his blue eyes.

“Oh Daryl what did that guy say to you?”

…

“Fuck him.”

“Daryl, don’t act tough on me now, please, tell me what happened.”

As you repeatedly pet Daryls hair, it got quiet for a minute, which you didn’t mind. You understood that Daryl needed a little time to tell you that something upset him. Then, he broke the silence.

“I… Bastard said everyone I loved that got ripped away from me was my fault.”

Your eyebrows furrowed after hearing this.

“Daryl, you know that’s not true.”

“It’s my fault, it’s all m’fault..” he weeped.

“Daryl, no. Listen-”

“What if I lose you!? Hell, you could’ve died out there while looking fr’me…” he interrupted, while his eyes gazed at you, and turned his body over to have his back against the couch. With a hurt look on his face, you put one of your hands on his chest, rubbing it in circular motions, then he released a husky sigh, and closed his eyes.

“Look at me.” You whispered to him. His eyes lazily opened.

“You’re perfect. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not weak for behaving like this, in fact, you’re the strongest man that I know, Daryl Dixon.”

With a miserable smile on his face, he rested his hand on yours, keeping you from moving it anymore. He then grabbed it, giving it a shaky kiss.

He then nervously moved up from your thigh, and scooted to the edge of the couch, whiping his eyes from his tears. “M’sorry I, don’t know wha’got to me.”

“Baby it’s okay don’t ever apologize to me… I’m here. What that guy said, he’s gotta be at the lowest of the low to speak that way to you, or anyone. We’ve all lost people… I know he’d cry if anyone told him something like that too.”

He looked at you with a look of love and hurt at the same time, he loved that you were with him, but he felt like such a burden and a weak idiot for crying right in front of you.

“Come on Daryl, let me make you feel better, is it okay if I sit in your lap?” Since Daryl is inexperienced you usually ask him if he’s okay with certain things, although you two have been together for awhile, he’s still learning, and he’s still attempting to trust you with that kind of intimacy.

He looked at you with confusion, but then nervously nodded to your request.

You straddled him, then held his face with your palms.

You both leaned in to kiss each other. It was a long, passionate, innocent and wholesome kiss. Even comforting for the both of you. Daryl used to get really nervous and stiff when you guys first started kissing, but, he’s gotten used to it.

As you both released, your foreheads leaned against each other softly.

“I love you, Daryl”

“I love you… sweetheart.” He nervously replied.

You then backed your forehead away from his, brushing your thumb against his cheeks to whipe away his dried up tears.

“You’re so perfect Daryl, I need you to know that. I wish you saw yourself the way I saw you.”

Since Daryl was never used to such words, his only reaction was a smile, and dilated pupils, that you always knew were filled with love for you.

He leaned in to kiss you again, then making his way to give pecks along your jawline, then nuzzling his head into your neck.

“Oh, You’re adorable.” You told him.

“Hey…” he chuckled with embarrassment. His breath sending chills down your spine.

“What? You’re so big and tough that you can’t be cute?” While you had your grip onto him, you gave him a teasy squeeze.

“Oh, please.” He rolled his eyes kiddingly.

“Awww c’mon, you know you love hearing it!”

“…Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.”

“And what if I stopped?”

“…” it got quiet.

“Well, you; shouldn’t.” He said nervously.

“Awww so you do love it!”

“Stop it…” he chuckled embarrassingly.

You gently pushed him back against the couch, hands on his chest, and started kissing him passionately.

“M-mph!” He chortled inside the kiss, putting a grip at your hips.

He never ever wanted to admit that he craved this from you. He thought he was being weird and creepy for thinking that way. This man doesn’t really understand how romantic feelings work.

You then let go of the long, affectionate kiss.

“Could’a killed me.” He looked at you with a soft smile. “Would be the best way to go, though…”

You giggled in response, tucking his hair behind his ear, just admiring every part of his face.

You loved this man to death, every single thing about him. His nose, his lips, his hair, his neck, everything. From inside and out. You always knew there was one way to let him know you loved every inch of him.

“Wanna know what I love about you?”

“Hmph?”

“Your facial structure…” you started giving pecks from his forehead, to his cheeks, to his nose, to his lips, to his chin, to his jawline.

“Nghmph..” He gave away a slight chuckle and smile.

“Your neck, your shoulders…” you kissed his neck from left to right, while caressing his shoulders with back and forth stroking motions.

“Your arms…” Your hands traveled down to squeeze his muscles teasingly.

Daryl was getting nervous. “‘lright, ‘lright, quit it.” A big grin on his face was revealed to you, while his cheeks flushed red.

“That reaction tells me otherwise, Daryl.”

“I… Why d’ya say m’name so much?”

“Oh, you reminded me… what I love about you.” You slowly leaned into his ear. Daryl got stiff, he just let his eyes glue onto you.

You whispered, “your name… it just suits you. I love saying it.” Chills ran down his spine, and he started feeling fuzzy inside. Something he was never able to explain. You had innocent intent behind that statement, and what you also loved about Daryl, he never made every single thing sexual like all the other guys you were with before him. Unless, you made it obvious that was your intention. There was a time for sweetness and a time for that. Even then, sometimes it took him a minute to even realize what you said. As you already know, he’s pretty inexperienced with that.

You continued on with your praise. Both of your hands slid their way down to his, giving him chills that caused him to let out a small giggle and husky moan.

“Your hands. I love holding them, or being held with them.”

You grabbed his hands and put them up against your face. “Like this…”

“Alright, I get it. Y’love me.” He said embarrassingly.

“At least you know, baby.” You replied.

He then looked at you, from your eyes, to your lips, and back to your eyes again. Wanting to pull you in for a kiss again but he was too nervous to.

“Daryl?”

His eyes gazed to the side, then closed for a second.

“Fuck it.” He looked right back at you, adoring your face for a couple of seconds, then he nervously pulled you into a kiss, forcefully, which was unintentional. It was made with such hungry like energy, like Daryl has been wanting to do this for years.

You never expected anything like that from Daryl, because he usually gets too nervous to even touch you sometimes, but you weren’t complaining, it was nice.

“I, m’sorry…” He shook his head and looked at you.

“Don’t say sorry.” You whispered, and leaned back in to kiss him again. Slightly grinding onto his lap, which made him grunt against your lips.

And then, yet again there was a long, passionate, kiss. You both just couldn’t stop… You were addicted to each other.

As you both let go of the kiss, Daryl nervously whispered…

“I love you. Very much. I know s’hard fr’me to show it but, I’d die fr’ya. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before and m’sorry if I don’t satisfy you ‘nough in some ways but, please know… I love ya.” He informed you, he said that whole sentence while looking at you eye to eye, without stuttering or pausing at all, that’s how you knew he was being very serious.

Your heart felt like it was gonna explode with joy.

You smiled so much that your eyes started to water with excitement in response to what Daryl said.

“Daryl, I love you so fucking much. You don’t need to be sorry, I can tell you love me just by how you act, your body language, how you look at me, everything. You don’t need to be experienced to love me, baby.”

He smiled with you, pulling you in for a hug.

“Don’t even think about letting go this time.” He said kiddingly.

You giggled, holding onto him tightly. “Starting to like these hugs, huh?”

“Quiet before I change m’mind.” He said kiddingly.

“Oh, you love it.” You two sat there holding each other, and just smiling peacefully. This was really nice for the both of you.

Then you realized.

“Shit…”

“Hm?” Daryl questioned, he thought he did something wrong, but you actually just completely forgot…

“I was supposed to bring back med supplies to the group, but I forgot.” You laughed nervously.

“Anyone hurt? If so we should probably hurry.” Although Daryl loved this, he always wanted to make sure to help others, especially his group. Everyone was like family for him, and you felt the same way.

“No, just running low.”

“Don’t worry ‘bout it. Got some in the cabinet, we’ll stay here for ‘while and head back later, as long as nobody’s hurt, but… js.”

“Mm?”

“Js stay with me.”

You nodded into his shoulder.

“Anything for you Dixon.”

He laughed with relief, holding you tighter. As the minutes pass, it was finally time to head back. You didn’t want the group to worry.

You two got up, and you walked over to the cabinet that Daryl said had medical supplies in it. You grabbed it all, and stuffed it into your backpack.

“Got wh’we needed?” Daryl crossed his arms, flicking his head at you waiting for a response.

With the sound of the zipper closing your backpack up, you put both the straps on your shoulders with a little hop. “Yep! Let’s head out.”

“‘Lright.” You and Daryl left the abandoned house on your way back to the groups campsite, until you saw Rick from afar.

Rick shouted kiddingly, “Well I’ll be damned!”

As Rick came up to you two, he shook his head at you.

“Looking for your boyfriend mm?” He punched you in the shoulder gently. “Did ya even get the supplies?”

“Yes Ricky Dicky, don’t arrest me now.”

Daryl started laughing at your joke, and you turned to him with a big smile and giggle.

Rick gave out a little laugh too, but then as soon as the jokes were over, all the three of you head out back to the camp.

“So what were you two doing in there?” Rick asked.

You and Daryl looked at each other for a second, then back at Rick.

“Were you..?” He questioned.

“Ah jeez, gross Rick!” Daryl responded.

You and Rick laughed at Daryl teasingly.

“Well Rick if you must know, it was just us being sweet and lovey. Nothing too crazy!” You laughed, informing him.

“Alright don’t tell me, I might puke.” Rick said kiddingly.

“I hear that.” Daryl responded kiddingly as well, and you punched him in the arm, “Hey what’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Ah c’mon, y’know I love ya. Just playin’.” Daryl reassured.

“Whatever you say.”

“Aw c’mon, here. Uhhh. Can I?”

Rick rolled his eyes and continued walking, ignoring the both of you.

“Can you???” You look at Daryl, and notice he’s staring at your hand.

“Yeah, that, can I uhh, hold it?”

You smile at him. “Yes, you may.”

He smiles back and you, gently grabbing your hand and held it sweetly. You two walk along behind Rick the whole time, back to the rest of the group. You were so happy that Daryl was happy, even for a bit. As long as you distracted him from those terrible thoughts.

[34saveme34]

Sever the Ties - another smg34 fic by yours truly

[Very excited to post this !!

CW: obviously angst, self harm (mainly once), in general a lot of death mentions, no actual deaths though

word count: 11243

Although SMG3 didn't like it when 4 helped him, he convinced him through endless whining to help clean the cafe after the chaos his USB caused (Why does that sound familiar?).

It took the whole day, both were way too exhausted. 3 sat down on one of the chairs guests would usually sit on. A lot of emotions were boiling in him.

“Whew, we’re done, finally!” 4 exclaimed, stretching his arms after completing such a grueling task.

“You didn't need to help” 3 said, contempt dripping off his words. But he was still holding back.

“It's my fault so I kind of did”

3 just sighed and got up, not wanting to further engage in conversation.

4 looked confused, but also upset.

“Dude! Not even a thanks?” he pouted

3 looked back at him, a sort of coldness in his eyes 4 didn't like to be subjected to.

“Thanks for fixing your own mistake. Now scram” he didn't yell, but he wasn't exactly calm either.

“I’m sorry… it wasn't on purpose I promise I… I hope you can forgive me, 3” 4 pleaded, looking 3’s way, his big eyes reflecting off all the sorrow he was feeling about the situation. 3 looked away but that face already made an impression on his mind. It was hard to stay mad at him.

“I know…” his voice was so gentle “This is just how it is with you sometimes, isn't it?” 3 joked, looking back at 4. 4 frowned.

“But! It shouldn't be… I’ve gotta make it up for you somehow…”

“Please don't…” 3 whined.

“I promise it's gonna be good!” 4 gave him a double thumbs up, as he left with an excited grin. 3 could feel a plan cooking up in 4’s brain, there was no way to stop him.

He shook his head, chuckling to himself.

“What did I do to deserve this?” he spoke to himself, with a stupid grin he couldn't wipe off. As he was trying to cope with the idea that 4 could ruin him further, he felt his furry son greeting him by nuzzling his foot.

“Hey there, boy!” as if he was absolved of all worry, he lifted Eggdog in his arms, hugging him. He earned excited barks for it.

“At least I have you” he petted him then put him down. He still felt kind of bittersweet.

He left to his evil lair, and immediately hit the bed. He felt too emotionally unavailable for the shower right now. The bathroom in general. Walking by the mirror in there simply made him feel dread. He didn't think he could develop such a repulsion towards his own image. His whole living place kind of became hell for him for this reason.

He couldn't sleep, it just wasn't working. He got up. His clock read 2 AM. He sighed. Something was on his mind.

“I should get rid of them…” he stared at the statue of himself. Every second that passed as he stared at it, he felt he couldn't even get out of his own merch’s shadows. It all made him feel sick. He got up, and started throwing out everything that used his likeness. All the plushies, cardboard standees and other merch he still had on hand. Not the statue, not yet. He had something special for that.

He put all the merch in a pile and lit it all on fire. It was sad to see but he felt relieved in some way as well. They had been haunting him for weeks at that point. Although the amount of money he spent on these was kinda sad to see go. Just another financial mistake of his, these felt common for him at this point. And it started so well too, with how much he got his hopes up, he plummeted that hard. He barely even realised he started to cry. He wiped his eyes, trying to compose himself but he only started crying more, and not so softly anymore. His breathing wasn't calm either, his brain felt like melting. So much pain in him, trying to turn him into nothing. He looked up at the sky, wondering where he could have gone wrong.

It took him a bit to calm down. He was glad that everyone was probably asleep at this point. The sadness slowly turned into twisted anger. He got up, walking up and down beside his fucked up bonfire, trying to calm himself.

“What did I even do to deserve this? I’ve been trying so hard- I went through so much! I thought I worked enough on myself to have a good life now” he stared up at the sky, as if he expected the stars to have an answer. But they were deadly silent.

“GOD DAMN IT, GIVE ME A REASON” he screamed, still staring up, as if blaming some sort of god for the way he was now. He was once again crying. He harshly sat down. It hurt but at least he wasn't only feeling his emotions that way. The thought made him stop, as he slowly looked to the fire, perhaps bad things forming in his brain. The more he looked at it, the more the fire made an impression on his brain. The way it was so strong, going up but dissipating soon too. It kind of reminded him of himself. Would anyone miss him if he became one with the fire?... Or  was he too much of a coward? He pulled off one of his gloves, his expression still wore sadness. He pulled his sleeve slightly up, not wanting it to catch fire. He reached in. It was kind of overwhelming. His mind felt empty from the pain. He pulled back suddenly as the pain really settled in him,even if it hadn’t been there for that long, crying out again. He couldn't believe it, he was crying again… Why was he such a failure?

“...3?” he heard a soft voice come from behind him, all too familiar. His heart sank. He couldn't look.

“...3! What… What's wrong?” the voice came closer, it seemed he was not getting off the hook with this one.

“Why are you here?” 3 spoke, his voice was strained from the crying.

“I couldn't sleep because of our link… I could feel something was wrong…” 4 kneeled down beside 3, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. 3 wasn't sure how to feel. His hand was hurt. It hurt so fucking much. Why did he have to be so fucking stupid?

4 grabbed his burnt hand. But he didn't say a thing. He was gentle too, he could see how much it hurt. 4 sighed softly and pulled 3 up.

“Wait, what the hell are you doing??” 3 tried to get away, pulling himself from 4’s grip.

“I want to help. This can't continue”

3 stared at him, so many thoughts attacking him. He felt awful.

“Like you could do anything, dipshit!”

4 was about to look offended but visibly held back.

“If you let me, I can. Please, 3… You know I care about you, right? It's awful to see you like… like this” he grabbed 3’s shoulder firmly, once again beginning to pull him back.

3 sighed.

“You won't let me go, huh?”

“Never ever” 4 smiled at 3, trying to be hopeful. 3 cared too… He really did.

4 took him inside then searched around everywhere he could to find something to treat 3’s burns. As he looked around, that's when he realised all the merch was missing. Their absence made him feel kind of uneasy. He thought for a bit then called Meggy.

“It's 4 in the morning” she sounded upset.

4 went outside, leaving 3 alone inside the cafe. 3 looked his way, but he didn't feel like going after him.

He was on the phone for a bit, probably about a few minutes. 3 didn't go outside but still stared the entire time. 4 came back inside after putting his phone away.

“I called Meggy, she has stuff for your burns”

3 frowned.

“You didn't need to-”

“What were you doing anyways?”

3 looked down, not wanting to look at 4 as he said those next few words.

“Burning merch”

4 was shocked. That's when he put together that what he saw then was all the merch burning.

“What?... What for?” 4 sounded so sad. It killed 3. He wished he could smile at him again.

“No one wanted them anyways, and I hated staring at them only catch dust”

“Still… I… has it really been this bad?”

“I’m surprised you didn't notice…. Then again, you're not exactly best at catching on things”

“Hey I-...” 4 looked down “I guess you're right”

Neither looked at the other. The tension…

Meggy stepped inside the cafe, which got both out of their sudden silence.

“Hey, guys, I brought some burn ointments, I came as soon as I could!”

“Why do you have it anyways?” 3 asked.

“You never know when you might need it!... And my time in the kitchen often leaves me with burns-”

“Fair enough” 4 commented, nodding. It made sense, Meggy is a shitty ass cook. 

4 and Meggy treated 3. 3 was kind of glad they stopped questioning why this even happened. He really really didn't want to talk about it.

“So” 4 started. Oh no.

“What?” 3 didn't dare look at either of them, playing with the bandage they put on his hand.

“What's wrong, SMG3?” Meggy folded her arms, looking concerned. 

“He burnt his merch” 4 told Meggy since 3 was rather silent.

“What??” even she was shocked. 3 was starting to feel like an utter clown, this was torture.

“Yeah… and I feel like it's my fault…” 4’s voice was filled with sorrow. 3 perked up for that, staring at 4 with an expression that was hard to read. It slowly turned soft though.

“It's… not actually” 3 sighed. It was his own fault. 

“I-... I think I still want to help… especially because I think I found something that could help your business out”

3 looked at him confused and scared. Whatever was in this man’s mind could only lead to bad things.

4 took his phone out and showed a picture of a billboard. It had the number on it to call if you wanted to rent it.

3 looked at the picture. Back at 4. Back at the picture, back at 4. He tilted his head. Meggy looked confused as well.

“You could advertise like this!”

“4… I hate to break it to you but I don’t have that kind of money right now”

4 shook his head.

“I’ll pay for it!” 4 pumped a fist into the air cheerfully. He was serious about this.

3 went so wide eyed, not even sure what he was supposed to say.

“THAT’S A LOT OF MONEY, YOU IDIOT???”

“3’s right, 4… that’s a rather big commitment”

“I don’t mind it!”

“The fuck you mean you don’t mind it??” 3 was rather flustered now. The grand gesture proposed to him made him feel all sorts of things.

“I wanna make it up to you, 3… for all the times I had mistreated you” 4 put a hand on 3’s shoulder. 3 was so flustered he didn’t even know what to say anymore. He wasn’t used to being treated so special. 

“Damn, that’s so sweet of you 4, I wish you cared about me this much” Meggy teased 4, 4 didn’t seem to get what she was going for. She didn’t feel like elaborating. 

“Are you sure?” 3 finally got some words out. Didn’t mean he looked any less flustered though.

“Yeah! You deserve it, man!” he patted 3 on his back then pulled him close by the shoulder. It seemed 4 was rather touchy today. And Meggy started to feel awkward about third wheeling. 

“So, guys, I’m gonna go back to sleep now, you’re welcome for my help” she waved them goodbye quickly. It was so interesting to see the 2 get along in their own ways but she still felt like she was intruding on something she shouldn’t.

3 felt like he was left to succumb now that he was left alone with 4. He couldn’t believe that he wished for Meggy to stay longer.

It took everything in him but he just couldn’t… he couldn’t keep it in. He hugged 4. It took a bit but 4 hugged back. They were silent, the hug was long. He wasn’t exactly a fan of affection but 4 got the best of him. He couldn’t help it at this point. 

“You sure are affectionate today” 4 teased 3 softly.

“Not my fault”

“Heh… is it mine?” 4 grinned.

“Yeah yeah” 3 pulled 4 away gently “And now it’s over”

“Thanks, your hugs are nice”

“You do realise how that sounds, right?”

“Well… Sometimes you’re a little gay with the homies, right?” 4 joked. 3 facepalmed. 

“Whatever…”

They stood around for a bit before 4 spoke.

“Say… will you be able to sleep like this?”

3 didn’t even think of that. With the way he got, he almost thought today would be his last day.

“Uh… I don’t know, I probably just… won’t”

4 squinted at him, having none of his bad behaviour.

“No way”

The 2 stared at each other, 3 looking kind of angry, especially since 4 didn’t budge.

“What are you gonna do, beat me to sleep or some shit?” 

“No… That’s mean”

“It’s not like you would cuddle me to sleep-” 3 said. He already said it and he couldn’t take it back. The words he didn’t mean to just put out there but now 4 knew. He knew that 3 considered cuddling him to sleep.

“Not a bad idea… then in the morning we can start on preparing for that billboard!”

3 grew so red.

“I DIDN’T SAY I WANT TO”

“Then why did you bring it up?”

“And why are you so for it?”

4 blushed himself, now that he thought about it further… It was a pretty weird idea.

“This once?” 4 pleaded, with those loser puppy dog eyes. 3 sighed.

“Fine”

“Though… you should shower first”

“Being picky now, aren’t we?”

“I can help you with that too” 4 smiled, feeling kind of powerful that he could tease 3. He got slapped. He realised it was kind of deserved.

“Fine, I'll shower. Very VERY far from you”

“I was just joking! I swear!”

3 sighed and shook his head. He couldn’t believe he could be this close to this idiot.

3 showered and came back to 4 by his bed. It was kind of weird but he also sort of looked forward to it. In like a weird, twisted and awful way. He looked away from 4 to the statue he had of himself. It filled him with dread.

“Hey, 4, before we sleep… can you help me bring this out of here?” he pointed at the statue.

“Is it really necessary right now?”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep with it around”

4 got up, guess there was no other way. They moved it out of the room together, although they had to take it apart a bit so they could fit it out of the door. For the night, they left it in the cafe lounge, he would worry about it later.

Now came the time to sleep. 3 got kind of flustered at 4 opening his arms for him to sleep there. He didn’t even let him go far away, keeping him close, as if he didn’t want to ever let him go… Only 4 knew that that thought was kind of accurate. It was so so uncomfortably comforting, 3 fell asleep pretty fast. If it wasn’t so weird, he’d ask to do this more.

Next day came by, 3 was slow to stir awake. He kind of didn’t feel like getting up. The warmth of 4 was a bit too nice… What the the fuck do you mean? Get yourself together! 3 wriggled himself out of 4’s hold and went to the bathroom to splash his face with water. He had to get himself together.

But man… He still missed it. How could he even cope with this?

He went back to his room and sat beside the still sleeping 4. He still couldn’t believe 4 just cuddled him last night. He thought he would never do something like that. It kind of intrigued him in a way. He wondered if he made this side of him trigger with what he did last night. He frowned, thinking of the possibility. He didn’t want to hurt 4. At least… he hoped he didn’t want to hurt 4. The idea made him kind of sick. 

He only realised how intensely he was staring at 4 when he woke up, his eyes meeting his own. He suddenly turned away, as if he hadn’t been looking at 4 for who knew how long at that point. 4 smiled about that, he was glad to see that 3 cared. Although he didn’t speak up about it… It was still too early for him. He lightly tugged on 3’s arm.

“What?” 3 looked at him unamused.

“Coffee?” 4 requested with one simple word.

3 just stared at him. 4 frowned.

“Pretty please”

3 rolled his eyes, he got up and went outside to make one for 4. 4 took that time to still relax in 3’s bed. He didn’t think it would be so nice sleeping beside 3. Although the idea was spontaneous and if the circumstances were different, he wouldn’t have done it… But his need to see 3 okay won him over like this. 

3 was brewing the coffee, while it was going, he phoned some dude up, apparently from the dark web. As soon as he put his phone down, a shady dude came out from the floor and took the disassembled statue, leaving a few coins behind for a fair trade. 3 picked them up. At least he could get a little money out of his sudden spring cleaning. 

3 went back down to 4 with the coffee, made to 4’s liking, he knew his taste pretty well at this point. Even if he didn’t have a lot of customers anymore, 4 would still come every once in a while. 

4 took the coffee, taking a sip, he hummed with delight.

“Great as always” 4 commented, drinking more of it. 3 was glad that even if his business was dying, he still managed to make banger coffee that 4 liked.

“Thanks”

“No no, thank YOU”

“Whatever, you’re welcome” 3 smiled, folding his arms.

“Hey… don’t you wanna come beside me” the warmth radiating off of 4 was quite beckoning.

“What would I for? Not like I have business with you”

4 deflated.

“You kinda do, considering what we talked about yesterday…” 4 pulled out his laptop “I guess you don’t want to save your business?” 

3 went wide eyed. He accepted defeat and sat beside 4. 

“So… we should probably put together your ad!” 4 exclaimed “Now I uh… I had this idea for a while… and I made some mock ups!” 4 said and opened up a folder that held a few images.

They weren’t exactly well drawn and 4 didn’t have the most legible writing. 3 often had to lean in close to see them. After looking at them all, he looked at 4 and chuckled.

“I see graphic design is your passion” he teased.

“I did this for you!”

“They look like shit”

“Nooo,,”

“What were you even trying to write here?” 3 opened one of the images back up.

“It’s-! I… I don’t remember? Ahaha” 4 laughed awkwardly. 3 rolled his eyes, somehow not believing this idiot could make himself look even less smart. 

“Let’s start this again…” 3 got up and brought back a pen tablet. 

“Didn’t know you had one of these”

“I got it not too long ago actually! It’s great to use” 3 took 4’s laptop in his own lap and plugged in his tablet.

“Uh-” 3 started “ do you mind if I download the software for it? It works better that way”

“Sure, go on… just don’t get me viruses!”

“I’m not as much of an idiot as you are!”

“You sure like grilling me today”

“It’s just what I do” 3 laughed. 

After he downloaded the software and set it up, he started to mock something up in ms paint, aka man’s best friend. Nobody does it like you, my dear, Microsoft paint!

It actually looked better than what 4 did, although the tablet definitely played a part in making it better. 4 noticed it was an advertisement for a job.

“You want to hire?” 4 pointed it out.

“Yeah… I think it would be the solution”

“Huh… wait” 4 inspected it more “That’s… not a lot of money for this kind of job”

3 frowned.

“I… I know but I can’t currently offer more”

“Man.. are you really that broke? You can come stay with me if you wa-”

“No way. Never”

“Okay…”

“You’re really obsessed with me…”

“I… I’m just worried about you… yesterday made me realise how I could easily lose you if I didn’t well… yeah”

3 shut up for a bit.

“... I was afraid you’d say that”

The 2 stayed silent for a bit. Lots of feelings around the 2.

“I’m honest though, man, I care a lot”

“I know already ugh just… yeah… I’m sorry, I should be glad you’re helping me”

4 chuckled.

“I’ll still take constructive criticism, but ONLY if you’re not too mean”

“I can try” 3 laughed.

They continue to perfect the ad. It turned out pretty pathetic in the end but at least it got the message across.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a while since they put the ad out. The more time that passed, the more it felt futile. 3 felt worse than ever, not only did he have a dying business, he also had 4 spending so much money on him and for what? He felt like shit. It was hard to force himself to keep the cafe at least a little clean. And keeping up with daily routines had never been so hard either, as much as it was then. It was killing him from the inside. He wondered if it was even a good idea for him to move there and start this.

However each time he was slowly succumbing to the dark, 4 pulled him out and helped him. He sort of became an unofficial worker in a way. 3 hated that. Not only did he spend so much money on him, he also helped him around without asking for compensation. It made him feel weak, as even this much help didn’t pull him out of it.

It was especially an awful day. He didn’t even try to open the cafe, he just stayed in his room with the lights off. It had been weeks at this point and there still wasn’t anybody coming to help him out… He wished he could’ve done better. But maybe he was just destined to be a miserable shadow of someone better… 4, he was… great. 3 wished he had half the success. The jealousy in his brain had only been growing. He always tried to push it to the back of his mind for the sake of 4, he didn’t want to hurt him. 4 was too great for something like that. He didn’t want to further bury him in his own burden. 

“3? Are you in here?” he heard 4 call out to him from the elevator. He just couldn’t stay away from 3, no matter how many times it seemed reaching out to him wouldn't work out further.

“I’m fine” 3’s voice was muffled by the fact that he was underneath the covers, his face smothered in his pillow.

4 frowned as he walked up to 3’s bed. He sat beside 3. He hesitated for a bit but leaned down to hug 3. 3 didn’t want this… He loved it.

“3, c’mon man I’m…. I’m sure someone will answer your ad soon enough! It’s too early to give up”

“4… listen” 3 sat up, pushing 4 off of himself “I’m… I’ve failed. I don’t get why… you just don’t give up on me at this point. What’s the point of helping me if it doesn’t lead anywhere?”

4 could only stare shocked, not wanting to admit that those words were just uttered to him.

“You can’t say that…”

“I’m right, 4… I think it’s too late for me… just… just let me rot here”

“But… I don’t want to”

“Leave”

“3…”

“Why don’t you get it? It’s futile. I’m not worth it, 4. There’s so many better things and people you can put all this energy into”

“You’re.. you’re…” 4 was lightly shaking, he was really upset by that “You’re more…” tears slipped and streamed down his face.

“Look at you… I’m the reason you’re like this” 3 admitted “It.. genuinely might be better for you”

“WHY do you WANT ME TO STAY AWAY SO BADLY???” 4 got up, upset, crying, accusing, tired. Exhausted. 

“BECAUSE I DON’T DESERVE YOU AT ALL, YOU’RE STRUGGLING BECAUSE OF ME”

“I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO HELP FOR ONCE”

“IT WOULD HELP IF YOU LEFT ME ALONE”

“AND LET YOU ROT??” the tears wouldn’t stop coming, only becoming more intense.

“YES, IT’S WHAT I DESERVE”

“NO! NO! NO! NO IT’S NOT TRUE” he cried, not sure what to do or say anymore. 

“Just… leave… it will be better for the both of us. Make your funny videos”

4 felt almost betrayed, it seemed no matter how hard he pressed, he couldn’t get through 3 anymore. He left, feeling undone in a sense. Yes, the situation had been draining him quite a bit but he did it for his friend, his friend who he really really cared about! A friend he would give the whole world for if he could. And yet, here he was, leaving because he kept failing 3. He felt like shit. Of course when he wanted to be there for 3 fully and help him achieve his dreams, that’s when things would turn this sour. 

He might have gone back to his room now but the inspiration wouldn’t come. The thought that he failed 3 just occupied his mind too much. He knew how bad it was to miss uploads but he just… He couldn’t do this. He decided to release a community post, saying that there would be a bit of a hiatus until he was able to resolve something. He sighed, trying to look for a way to make things better. He wondered if he should really just stop. If 3 was right about the fact that he just needed to stop and leave 3. But the more he stayed away, the more it felt like the whole in his heart, the place 3 took for himself only got bigger. Like a fatal wound.

It had been days since he was told to leave 3 alone. He decided to check on him again, even if by force, he would make something happen. He entered 3’s lair, looking for him but finding nothing. His room looked as messy as ever, nothing was that out of the ordinary. Except for the fact that 3 wasn’t here. 4 started to grow more and more worried. 3 was gone. 3  WAS GONE. WHERE. IS. HE? 

He alerted his friends, who also came to help, though not everyone. Just Meggy, Tari, Saiko, Mario, Luigi and Melony when she wasn’t sleeping. They searched and searched, especially 4, it was almost like he never stopped searching. Day and night he would go to the cafe and look around, often he didn’t even sleep in his room if he would sleep at all. It was the only thing he had of 3 in that way, although it wasn’t as comforting as he wished it to be. But it was more than nothing and he should be grateful. Although it was kind of silly, he looked through the burnt merch, and while he found nothing in tact, he found a plush that was still recognisable. Just seeing it made him cry. He kept it. It turned into a charm for him, not his good luck charm, rather his charm of hope. Hope for the idea that 3 is still out there and that he would be able to find him.

He was reaching the end of his ropes, but then he realised. He could reach out to 1 and 2 for help! Yes, that’s it… He called the 2, scared, they could tell based on his voice that things were NOT good.

“So… you don’t know where he went?” 1 questioned.

“I… yeah… but I… I can still feel that he’s still alive… I know it”

“Alright, we’re gonna teach you a bit of a complex move to help you track down SMG3. You… really need to concentrate. And calm down” 2 looked concerned.

“Yeah, you look super tense” 1 commented, also concerned.

“Sorry sorry… I just really care about him”

“Yeah… He is your partner after all” 2 pat him on the shoulder “it’s only natural”

“He’s also… my friend” 4 could cry all over again. He didn’t think that one day he would be here, feeling dysfunctional at the thought of SMG3 of all people leaving him behind. And yet…

The 2 both grabbed 4’s hand, trying to channel for him. 4 tried to take a deep breath to concentrate. This was for 3… He would do anything for 3. He couldn’t fail him again. 

Suddenly, 4 felt sharp pain in his stomach, which made him fall to the ground.

“Are you okay??” 2 looked worried, 1 was too.

“I’ve never seen something like this happen…”

“Huh?” 4 looked up, shocked at the revelation.

“This shouldn’t be possible” 2 noted as well. This only made 4 more visibly worried.

“Not possible?” 

“Look… I think we should try again” 1 sighed, he knew it had to be done “As much as I’d rather not, I want to try and see… if we can figure it out”

4 nodded, not really fighting it. If it meant they could find 3…

They once again all held hands, and it happened again.

“Hmmm… he only wants you” 1 noted.

“How do you know that?” 2 looked at him, also puzzled.

“I was paying attention to the force stopping us. It was clearly pulling 4 away from us, not the other way around. It only wants you”

“But I- How do I do it on my own?”

“We’ll help from- from here” 2 tried to reassure 4.

“We can’t lose hope yet” 1 also tried.

4 had a headache coming on at this point but he persisted. He wanted to see 3 again and make sure he wouldn’t come to harm’s way ever again.

“Okay… yeah, you’re both right” 4 tried to concentrate. Linking his own hands kind of helped, almost like making a loop link. He closed his eyes. It felt like he was transported in a different place.

He couldn’t see anything much, beside a shadow resembling 3. The shadow knew he was there and that he wanted answers. It didn’t speak directly, only whispers but seemingly not coming from the shadow entity directly. The whispers were incomprehensible yet somehow 4 was still given an image in his head, it burned into his mind. The scenery of a castle that felt impossible. It felt familiar to him in a way. It bared resemblance to Peach’s castle that once stood proud and tall but missing important things, looking like an abandoned version of it. With dark energy emanating from inside.  But he could feel it… 3 was there. Waiting for him. He… He wanted him to come? But… Only him… nobody else… He would have to…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He sat up, he didn’t realise it before but he was put in a bed.

“Hey, you’re finally awake!” 2 said coming beside him.

“What… what happened?”

“The move drained you and you passed out” 1 said, also noticing that 4 woke up “What did you see?”

“It was a castle but… he wants me to go alone”

“What, alone?” 

“That’s just…”

“I have to” 4 stood up from bed “I think… I guess we have a score to settle”

“Are you sure about this?” 1 asked.

“I’m… I am, yeah. What’s the worst that could happen anyways?” 

“A lot can happen”

“At least I’ll see him again” 4 got up and left the 2 SMGs without another word. Both concluded that 4 truly grew desperate. 

4 left on his own, well… Not entirely. He had memes just in case something went wrong. Or if he had to escape a life or death situation. Anything felt possible at this point. He even started to make peace with the idea that he’d get badly hurt anyways. At least he’d be able to see 3 again… maybe with his last breath, he could hold him again… Although that might have sounded a bit too sad. His biggest wish was still to take 3 home and make everything work out again. Turn everything back to normal… What was normal anyways?

He arrived at the entrance of the castle. It was boarded up. He thought for a bit… How should he get through this? Although he didn’t like the trend, he summoned a tik tok, one of those where the food on a plate had bites taken out of it to the beat of a song and then the plate as well. The tiktok managed to chew off the boards to the beat. At least it was useful for once.

He went inside, it was oddly dark, though he could tell it was supposed to resemble Peach’s castle to an extent. but rooms seemed to be missing, which made the main hall even bigger than it was before. The emptiness of it was slowly making 4 anxious… No, he had to keep moving! 

He didn’t have a flashlight with him, which made it a bit hard to explore. But he moved along anyway, concentrating. He could feel 3. He knew he had to be there. He felt infinitely close. As he moved around, he noticed eyes. Eyes were staring at him and only him. More and more of them. Paying attention to every little movement he was making. Not only that, they felt uncomfortably familiar. He didn’t like thinking about it… He didn’t want to go back to the day he lost so much. He felt more and more anxious. 

But the eyes would only stare. But  even if they were only staring, they had him surrounded. It felt like that day, feeling so isolated against your will. Being forced into solitude, something you never wanted in the first place.

He sat down on the ground. He didn’t know what he should do.

“Are you here?” 4 called out softly, his voice shaky. He was way too nervous from this.

He didn’t get an answer back. Only eyes that came closer and closer to him, closing in… Until it was all dark.

It was all dark until a screen was put in front of him. It was bright from being all white, 4 took a bit to adjust to it. There was text on it in black.

“Scared?” it read “Don’t be. It’ll be over soon”

4 looked terrified. Over soon? Will he actually die here? Sure it was a thought that crossed his mind but- but he wasn’t ready for this!

“I just want him back…” 4 sobbed, tears rolling down his face.

“How selfish” the text read. 

“I want him back so I can fix things… make it up to him”

The screen went blank for a bit. It left 4 more nervous.

“3… I uh…” 4 panicked, not knowing what to say “You know- we need you, man. The crew isn’t the same without you! You’re important!”

The screen still did not show an answer. 

“What should I do…” 4 didn’t know anymore.

“Leave” the screen showed simply.

“No… That’s the one thing I can’t do. Not anymore” 4 grabbed the screen, finding something within himself to keep going “I can’t leave without him”

the screen shone bright, covering 4 in brightness, pulling him inside. 

After a whole black room, he was inside a whole white room. Somehow it still felt the exact same, even if he could see now. 

4 thought about what meme could help him in this situation. His mind drew a blank. What was he supposed to do in a blank room? He got up and walked around. Maybe he can find a weakness to this room. He pushed around, finding the edge of the room. He pushed with all his might. Although he wasn’t very strong. Then he got an idea.

He pulled out Beeg.

“Grow, boy!!” 4 commanded him with a big, determined smile.

Now usually Beeg wasn’t one to listen but knowing what was going on, he grew bigger and bigger, pushing at the room more than 4 could ever. 4 cheered him on. 

The room collapsed, they were… they were inside the same room where… Oh. Memories.

Beeg shrunk and went back to 4. 

He walked up to the table in the room. It felt just like the one in his old home. It was furnished similarly, even with the demonic keyboard. He resented looking at it. The fact that he got it made him feel awful all over again. Maybe it really would have been better if he just died there… But 3 saved him. Now it was time for payback. 

“So, what do you want me to do?” he called out. 

He looked around, seeing no one around. Or that was what he thought until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around but he saw no one. He felt confused… Then he could feel a poke at his side. He looked, nothing. Another poke coming from the other side. He looked, still nothing. And then another. Then another. Faster and faster until he was more annoyed than scared or confused and was also starting to feel a bit dizzy. He swore he could hear laughing.

“Hey! This isn’t funny!”

The poke attack suddenly stopped, as the monitor on the table turned on, which caught his attention. It had his editing program opened. The clips, pictures and sounds that were in the library were all too familiar to him.

“Is this some kind of sick joke? You know I couldn’t make that video by myself!” 4 was rather annoyed again. Why did he have to relive this again? He sat in front of the computer but didn’t touch the keyboard.

“And why is this thing here? Do you really expect me to work with it? I… I don’t want to go back to my lowest point”

The keyboard emanated an energy that made 4 feel so scared. He forgot how it can… manipulate you. He was about to reach for it but- he had to stay strong! This could not be the end of his story. Not the end of THEIR story. With 3. He knew… There had to be a way. If 3 saved him before, he had to pay back. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if it was his fault for 3 being gone. 

He grabbed the keyboard and broke it in half. It screamed in its eldritch ways, releasing black blood. There was a lot of it. The monitor turned off.

“You’re not getting me like this! I don’t want a perfect video, I want you!”

4 stopped for a second. Only after saying it did he realise how odd that sounded. But he meant it. No matter how uh… not so straight it sounded.

He got up, looking around the room. He couldn’t wait for whatever entity was around to mess around with him even more.

He noticed a camera following his movement. He got close to the camera, trying to see if he could find a source or reason for it. 

“You think I’m gonna feel shame for being broadcasted?” the camera turned around, instead showing footage it recorded. It had a lot of 3’s rants to himself. How many times he was stuck being the loser out of the 2 of them. How even when they turn out to be friends, he got the shorter end of it all. How everything around him only seemed to fall apart. Especially… when he and 4 got even closer. 4 felt shocked. He never knew he could feel this much emotional pain but… here he was… Being shown that he was only a source of failure for 3. 

The screen of the camera turned off after it finished showing everything.

4 didn’t know what to do with himself. He… He didn’t know he hurt 3 so much. He felt so miserable. And conflicted, would it really be best for them to… part ways? 

He stared at the turned off camera, trying to just… process everything.

The camera turned on again, although the screen was black but something seemed to move closer, like a dark shape, the dark shape reached out, in the form of a hand. 4 panicked and quickly backed away from the camera. The room went dark on the side of the camera, but the figure, although dark, was still noticeable through the dark. Especially for those red eyes. Those iconic red eyes… this was no doubt 3. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 4 cried. 

“I did now” 3 spoke, his voice echoey, coming from all directions.

“What… What happened to you?” 4 was so scared. So devastated.

“I embraced the shadows… If you don’t fit anywhere else, why leave?”

4 didn’t know what to say, all he could do was cry.

“I wish I could’ve been there for you more, 3”

“You only would’ve ruined things more”

“But-”

“Now leave… or I’ll do something awful”

“You-” 4 was having none of that “I… I’m standing by what I said. I’m not leaving without you”

“Well, if you say so” 3 walked up to him, grabbing his hand. It was cold… It felt uncomfortable.

“Huh- What happened to you? Why… is your hand so cold?”

“What, you miss soft SMG3’s warm little hand or something? You miss when I held back?”

“What- What are you saying?”

“I’ve always felt miserable. This” he held his hand, intertwined with 4’s hand “Has made my life hell”

“Our… Guardian link?”

“Exactly” 3 squeezed 4’s hand but it wasn’t comfortable. Somehow there was still something behind it. Something that gave 4 hope.

“What?”

“Well, it’s something we have to live with, of course it’s not gonna always be a great time! It doesn’t mean you need to destroy the world over it”

“It can be broken”

“Our link can be destroyed and I know how to do it”

“WHAT??”

“I CAN FINALLY BREAK AWAY FROM YOU”

“DO YOU REALLY HATE ME THIS MUCH???”

“THE OPPOSITE, YOU IDIOT”

“What..?”

“This link… This link gave me feelings I never wanted. I never wanted to feel nice about being close to you. It made me feel awful. Each fucking time. Yet I let you in, because this stupid fucking link made me weak about it. This stupid guardian link is at fault…”

3 gripped on 4’s hand even harder.

“3… no if- if you destroyed it- WE DON’T KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN, THIS IS SO SELFISH OF YOU”

“WELL FUCK, LET ME BE SELFISH SOMETIMES, YOU PIECE OF SHIT”

Some sort of red-black energy appeared around the 2, and familiar marks appeared on 3. The energy 4 could feel was familiar too… and scary.

“Anti meme energy..? Where-”

“You’re right” 3 laughed “In the end it’s truly the answer to all my misery!”

“No! 3! This is too dangerous! What if you got hurt??”

“I’ll take the risk!”

slowly, the marks appeared on 4 too. 3 was too strong… holding him back took everything in 4 and it still wasn’t enough.

The moment the link between the 2 was severed. It felt like 4 died. He didn’t but it felt like he did. Something beautiful inside him was gone now. the marks turned black, his hand was too.

He could barely stand, falling on his ass.

3 didn’t seem better. Even if he had the power of whoever was on his side now, it still didn’t change the fact that he got rid of something in himself that was deeply inherent to him. 

The 2 just laid there, facing each other. The pain they felt made it too hard to move. 

The emptiness 4 felt was unbearable. Even if he was able to get up, he didn’t know what he would do. He really didn’t anymore. He wondered if this was meant to happen.

3 took a while himself, he was clearly hurt, even when he got up. He moved slowly, pain in every step he took. He didn’t dare look 4’s way. He was wondering if it was only the pain or if he actually began to regret what he had done. He didn’t feel like figuring it out, so he left the room, leaving 4 by himself. 

4 just laid there. Maybe he should just… not do anything… What was it worth anymore?

He closed his eyes, thinking about everything that happened in his life. All the memories, friends he made. All the time when he thought he made amends with 3, only seemingly repeatedly stabbing him in the back instead. Honestly, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself anyways knowing that he did that. Maybe he was being dramatic but… Whatever.

It felt like an eternity when he heard commotion from outside. He didn’t really care to check. He kind of embraced death at this point.

“4!! SMG4” he heard a voice he did not care to check.

“OH NO!” another voice came right beside him “I think he’s still alive- let’s take him back”

He was too tired to protest, even if he didn’t want to go.

The journey home felt kind of dull. Knowing what 3 did, it just… it broke him. He felt like it wasn’t only their link… that even disregarding that, in general the fact that 3 chose to depart from him hurt him in many other ways. He… really came to like him over the years. Seeing how he became so selfless, so helpful, so amazing too… 4 still kind of felt bad that 3 couldn’t see that about himself. He wished he was less stubborn and told him more. Though he was sure that wouldn’t have changed a thing anyways. But still, he wished he could tell 3 more that he found him so amazing in ways he never did with anyone else… he… he loved him.

4 suddenly shot up, the realisation hitting him like a truck.

“Woa-” Meggy was one of the ones who carried him, momentarily losing balance from 4’s sudden movement.

Mario was on his other side, he seemed to take 4’s stupidity better. One could say he was used to 4’s antics.

4 took a bit to catch his breath as they all stopped.

“Are you okay?” Tari came running to him.

“I think I love him” was all 4 could say before starting to cry. Truly, today wasn’t his day. Lots of tears.

“As in… SMG3?” Meggy asked.

“Yeah…” 4 looked down.

Mario patted him on the back.

“Mario knew you would realise at some point”

“About time, these last weeks have been ridiculous” Clench came out too. He was rather annoyed with the 2 at this point.

“It’s not that unexpected, yeah” Meggy chuckled.

A lot of the others held a similar reaction, no one seemed surprised.

4 didn’t look too happy though.

“He left… he left me there” 4 spoke again, looking up at the sky. He still felt way too empty.

“What happened anyways?” Tari asked.

“He…” 4 tried holding back the tears. Not very successfully at that. “I… I’ll need to discuss this later with SMG1 and 2…”

Everyone left him alone. The rest of the road back home was rather gloomy. 4 was starting to feel like it wasn’t only him who felt 3’s painful absence. 

They helped him in his room to rest for a bit. After a while, 1 and 2 came into his room.

“We heard you wanted to speak with us” 1 said.

“Yeah… It’s bad”

“We could tell based on your black scars” 2 commented, pointing at how bad his face looked.

“He… He broke our link”

They both looked at him shocked, then at each other. The reaction made 4 feel even worse.

“That’s… how did he…”

“With… anti meme energy… I don’t know how he got it but… I have a bad feeling about this in general”

“Tell us everything” 1 had a determined look. 

4 proceeded to tell them about everything. The way he was approached by 3, the weird dark change of his appearance, his comment of becoming one with the shadows. It seemed to leave both 1 and 2 speechless.

“Whoever is behind this” 1 spoke “They know enough to be clearly dangerous”

“Do you… Do you think I could mend my link with 3?” 4 looked up at the ceiling. He found that not looking at people made it easier to not cry.

“We… don’t know” 2 sighed. Neither of them had an idea.

“We’ve never seen anything like this happen before… we can try to look around for information to see if we can find something”

“It’s only natural… especially because the world is weaker without your link”

4 looked at them, smiling softly.

“Thanks, I really appreciate that”

“It is?”

“Everyone is able to feel it” 2 said.

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s one of the pillars of a stable universe. Whoever told 3 how to break it must have done it to… oh no, 1, we should start searching right away!” the 2 ran out in a hurry. 

4 chuckled dryly at that. It really wasn’t funny to him, he just found it kind of ironic in a way. Destroying 3’s life meant he’d also destroy the world… It was kind of fitting how especially now, 3 felt like the whole world for him. He wished he knew earlier so at least he could’ve told him before they parted ways like that. 

~~~

4 didn’t do much for a few days. He spent the day coping. Healing. He could move around better after a while but his mental state didn’t get better. He couldn’t get 3 out of his mind. He thought that their link being gone meant that the opposite of this would happen but no. His friends tried to cheer him up with memes they would send him. Sure they got a chuckle out of him but these weren’t nearly enough to stop his sadness. 

He was watching his own videos where 3 appeared when 1 and 2 came in his room.

“WE FOUND SOMETHING” 2 jumped through the door.

“Yeah?” 4 asked, trying to put on a smile.

“Yes! Your connection isn’t necessarily lost forever!”

“R– Really??” 4 looked at them with colour appearing in his eyes. There’s a way after all!

“Yes- considering it’s still fresh, and you don’t seem to care any less, there could still be a way. But the catch… 3 has to want it too”

“Huh…” 4 thought out loud “I mean, that makes sense… I wonder if he would…”

“We’ll at least try our best to convince him”

“Right right! Even though I was told I ruined his life” 4 looked away. He still didn’t know what to do with all his feelings about that.

“Ruined his life?” 2 questioned.

“He said that… I only ever seemed to make his life worse… and that I only made things worse when I helped him”

The 2 looked at each other then back at 4.

“What do you exactly mean by this?”

“Uh… He said that his businesses always seemed to fail around me, no matter how much he tried, and that things that would ruin him further… connected right back to me”

The 2 shared another look.

“Now… don’t panic but” 1 started.

“Someone was disrupting your link!” 2 finished 1’s thought.

“Huh?”

“It sounds like it. As we were looking at all the information we could find on links, we found that in certain ways, outside people can interact with links that are not theirs.That’s how we also tried to help you find 3 but we were blocked out by some force. And it’s not a meme guardian exclusive thing. So… Someone must have got in and… yeah”

4 looked shocked.

“So… It’s not my fault?”

“No, it’s not” they both comforted him.

This actually managed to make him feel better. Finally, something that could help him fix everything. Even if it will take a while.

“I was thinking… can you guys… still train me, even if alone? I… want to be stronger when I see him again. Because I’m sure I will… It can’t end like this”

Both nodded.

“We won’t go easy on you” 2 joked.

“Better not” 4 laughed.

The 3 of them left to train that day, 4 trained until he was exhausted. He was glad to push himself considering how he had been for the last few days. He felt a little more free now. Just you wait, 3…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a week since he really started training again. It was actually something that managed to make him feel better. He was wondering where 3 was at this point. On what point of the World he could’ve been. When he wasn’t able to sleep, he would look at places where he could be in. Making a list…

His cafe - he wasn’t

Internet graveyard - he wasn’t 

That castle where he severed their link - he wasn’t

Peach’s castle - he wasn’t

Any of the Anti cast’s own living places - he wasn’t 

Right by his side  - 4 wished he was

His list only got longer with all the wrong answers. Just yesterday, they put out an announcement that if anyone sees any trace of 3, they should alert the crew. Though 4 thought of it as a bit hopeless. 

He could only take his mind off it all with training. His days would be spent either training or sleeping. He left very little time for anything else. It started to worry the others, he realised as well but he just couldn’t stop. Not being whole can feel so devastating.

And he didn’t take it well in a more and more unhealthy way. He didn’t show it to anyone else, but he kept the burnt SMG3 plushie he found from the fire incident. From a beacon of hope, it went to something he would sleep with. It was starting to feel like he would never be able to sleep without it. He didn’t feel much shame in it anymore but he treasured it too much to just show it to anyone else. He needed to protect it at all costs. Sometimes he would talk to it, pretending like it was 3. Telling it so much. Telling everything that was inside his heart, all he wished he could actually tell 3. He truly felt like he reached a new low.

If that wasn’t already bad enough, he started having nightmares too.

Nightmares where he’d follow 3 but kept losing him. Nightmares that seemed to have a different face appear inside them as well. One he did not recognise yet felt familiar… Having a familiar painful feeling. He hated seeing the face. He would many times try to kill the figure but it felt as though they could read his mind, as they dodged his every move with a wide grin. But each time.. He would get closer… Surroundings would become clearer.

One time, it got so clear… He got an insane idea.

He searched up the place he saw… It was a real place. An abandoned studio. Weirdly fitting in a way.

“So, you want to go there because you dreamed about it?” Meggy asked. Some of the gang was gathered there.

“This entity’s influence must be strong if you’re getting dreams like that” 1 believed him. He had really no reason to lie.

“Wait, you believe him?”

“Yes, it is plausible. We already established someone interfered with their connection”

“So it could be that guy! And now they’re taunting 4!” 2 excitedly finished the thought.

4 smiled at the 2 of them.

“Thanks, guys. But yes… I want to go there. I need to… figure out what’s exactly happening”

“And save 3” Tari came up to him as well, reassuring him.

“Especially save 3” 4 smiled at her.

With the newfound determination, the squad, even with 1 and 2 included, headed for the studio building.

The building itself felt more than abandoned in a way. It looked like something went down inside there, a struggle of shorts. Walking in, they noticed the walls covered in gunshots, the place more dusty than would be usual for a place like this. And in some places, a disturbing amount of dried blood was spilled. What must have happened to this place was definitely sudden, quick and gruesome. Just staying in there made them all feel bad for the ex workers. They split up, searching the rooms in smaller groups since it wasn’t exactly a small building. 

4 was searching with 1 and 2. 4 tried to push on even into darker rooms. Although he didn’t have the link to help anymore, he listened to  3… his words burned into his brain. So he paid attention to the darkest places, not letting the shadows go unaddressed, even if it got increasingly scary. 4 kind of didn’t care about that at this point. He had already lost too much to care, though he didn’t exactly tell this to his friends. It felt a bit selfish to him but it was genuinely feeling like there wasn’t much to live for without 3. 

It was starting to feel kind of hopeless until a shadow looked weird. He looked at it, suspicions forming in his brain. He reached out but the shadow grabbed him first.

Before 1 or 2 were able to react, 4 was already gone, being pulled into the shadows.

4 was thrown  back into a dark room that felt all too familiar at this point. In front of him was 3, still as shadowed as ever. At least they could see each other. They stared for a bit, both trying to see what the other one was feeling. 3 pulled 4 closer, in a kind of threatening way, which felt weird and sudden. Something in 4 made him wonder if he was perhaps influenced by something to do that.

“I told you to stay away”

4 sighed, a smile appearing on his face, which weirded 3 out.

“It’s impossible”

“No it’s not just-” he looked away, seemingly thinking but it felt more than that.

“...Let’s talk” 4 had a soft gaze on 3. If he had to die, he didn’t want to spend his last moments arguing with 3.

“We… We already had that… you should go… I did it for you as well”

4 still kept the calmness but the light eye twitch gave away that he didn’t like what he was hearing.

“It wasn’t our fault actually”

3 looked at him shocked. Then thought for a bit.

“I mean I… didn’t mean to make you feel like you… I know that you didn’t ACTUALLY mean to ruin me-”

“No no, you don’t understand, we basically got hacked”

“Hacked? What the hell you mean-” 3 questioned but got stopped by immense pain as he grabbed for his head groaning.

“Oh no, are you okay?” 4 immediately jumped beside him, with a hand on his upper back for support.

“How can I believe you?” 3 looked at him weakly.

“We… actually found out outside forces can… influence guardian links”

3 took a bit to take that in, looking away from 4, seemingly staring into the dark. Very intensely at that. He looked back at 4, pretty pissed.

“So someone framed you?” he looked like he was about to blow up.

“We think so…”

“So I… I” 3’s face softened. 

4 knew what he felt, he hugged 3. He didn’t resist. Slowly, 3 leaned into 4’s touch.

“You know… it’s funny” 3 spoke again “I thought without the link if you came after me again… that I could just end you as soon as I saw you… but I…” he once again felt pain so he had to stop.

“3!!” 

“It’s… We… uh” 3 looked weak.

“We’ll help you, don’t worry! The others are here too… we… we will help, man!”

3 couldn’t help but smile at 4, even through the pain.

“But I already ruined it… I.. I did that to you… I was told how to do it and I…”

“I still care about you”

3 looked at him, something in him breaking with tears rolling down his face.

“How can you?”

“We… We’re friends… we’ve been through a lot… you think I’m gonna let you go when you once risked your life to save me? You didn’t need to. You could have left me to my perfect video but you didn’t. Didn’t it feel like I betrayed you? But you came back either way.”

“That… That’s true”

“It’s… just another thing I love about you, 3”

The word choice made 3 a little flustered. 4 chuckled at that.

“You can’t just say sappy shit like that”

“You think I don’t mean it or something?”

“No no… It’s obvious you do, don’t worry”

“But uhm genuinely I’ve… I’ve been thinking and-”

And just as soon as 4 thought maybe he could tell 3- 3 got grabbed by a hand before not seen. However at this point it was familiar to him. He stood up and went right after, it was no use though. 4 didn’t lose hope yet. He was more angry right now if anything.

“NOT EVEN GONNA LET ME TELL HIM I LOVE HIM??” 4 called out “WELL THEN DO IT FOR ME PLEASE, BITCH”

The figure he had been seeing in his dreams came out of the shadows. Much clearer now, he could still see their wide, unfeeling smile. He didn’t know a TV screen headed guy could be such a piece of shit.

“You’re a feisty one”

“YOU”

“Ah, what, came back because you weren’t satisfied with the service? Sorry, no refunds!”

They started to walk away but 4 grabbed them.

“SERVICE??”

“The keyboard”

4 stopped.

“The…keyboard…?”

Then he realised.

“And it’s not like I even forced it on you” they laughed “You were the one who chose to buy it. Even with SMG3, I didn’t force him! HE joined me HIMSELF and-”

“You think I’m gonna let you go with what you did?” 

They laughed.

“No… And that’s what I want!” the words scared 4 “With even all your friends! Such a great deal”

“WHAT are you?”

“I’m… oh there’s no fun in that, I’m only here to make a great show!”

“I don’t know if you noticed but I’m the show runner here!”

“It looked like you needed some help”

4 tried to punch them but then he was gone from the dark, right back beside 1 and 2.

“4!!! 4, you’re back!!” both hurried there beside him.

“Yes… I am'' 4 didn’t lose his anger a single bit. Those were the words of someone who is truly despicable. He only wanted to kill them more now. 

They only got one more calm moment before the building shook beneath them. It was loud, almost like the building was alive. 

“Oh no! We need to get out of here” 1 panicked, 2 and 4 followed behind, although 4 did so reluctantly. He knew 3 was in here. He didn’t want him gone.

Everyone evacuated. 4 stared at the building going down, he couldn’t just stand there, he had to run back, even if it would take him away as well.

He searched everywhere. Maybe it was the TV guy letting their guard down, but he was actually able to spot 3 in the real world now. He was still covered in those shadows though.

“3!!!” he cried out, running for the other who only then noticed him.

“4, you should get out of here”

“Not without you”

“Then we might not be able to get out…”

“I’ll… rather be going away with you than live knowing you died”

“You know- you’re pretty attached as well, even without the…” 3 looked away then back 4. He couldn’t help but smile at 4. It felt kind of nice in the end. It was easier to admit now.

“That’s cuz I love you” 4 reciprocated the smile.

3 looked away again, rather flustered at the words. But there was still a smile visible on his face.

“Like um… as in? Like that? Fuck, I’m sounding so stupid right now” 3 laughed at his own incompetence.

“Yeah uh… are you okay with that?” 4 returned the awkward laugh.

3 chuckled before grabbing 4’s face.

“What do you think, stupid?”

“I’m… glad” 

They both leaned in, just about at the same time. The kiss came naturally. But it was so much more than that. They pulled each other close, it all just felt… perfect. Complete. So complete, as the scar on both of their faces started glowing. They didn’t know when they linked hands but with both hands held, they could see white strings appear, glowing with immense power, more and more appearing, connecting the 2.

The sight mesmerised both so much, they pulled in for another kiss, which only made the light stronger, ridding 3 fully of his corruption.

The light grew so big, like an explosion. An explosion of so much emotion before unspoken.

The light grew so big, the crew outside noticed.

“They did it!” 2 jumped up “That’s a lot of meme guardian energy”

“Right on” 1 laughed “You know, I’m proud of them… they came so far”

“They really did” Meggy joined the 2.

“Will they be able to get out though?” Tari was concerned.

But then the light only grew larger and faster at that, basically taking in the whole building. It was strong enough to knock everyone on their asses.

As the light dissipated, the 2 hovered up from all the debris. Both looked unharmed, their hands linked.

Everyone came up to hug them. It had been a while since they had such a big and emotional hug.

“We’re so glad you 2 are safe”

“I can’t believe you actually made it out”

“You guys better not do anything this reckless ever again”

These were some comments the 2 received. But they were happy they made it out, made it out alive and together. There were a lot of things unanswered but none of that mattered now. At least not for now.

[t1red-twilight]

OMG OMG can you do something with angst request #10 "i miss you. your side of the bed doesn’t even smell the same anymore" with peter :)))))) Ive been sad and need some angst to match the mood and who better to ask!!!

bereavement

summary: “i miss you. your side of the bed doesn’t even smell the same anymore.”

content/warnings: gn!reader, andrew!peter, angst, major character death, grief, descriptions of ptsd, disordered eating (if you squint)

notes: omg tysm!!! i GOTCHU girl (gender-neutral). i really really tried with this one, i hope you enjoy it. i hope you feel better, dear anon. this fic made me cry lol

word count: 1k

masterlist p. parker masterlist

you had had a grueling day at work. you hadn’t slept the night before; your head plagued with dreams and regrets that you would carry as long as you would live. everyone was bothering you in some shape or form, plus, you had forgotten your lunch.

all you wanted was peter. you opted to walk to his home instead of trying to bear the late night traffic.

when you saw him, your shoulders finally released the tension that they had been holding.

“hey, pete.” you sat down next to him. “you would not believe how hard work was today. a rude older lady harassed me about messing up one of her forms, even though she was the one that filled them out.” you slouched and looked at the ground.

the honks of busy city life filled your ears. the smell from the rain lingered. “i forgot my lunch again. i don’t have enough to eat out right now either, so i just didn’t have lunch. but that’s not a big deal.” stomach pains were something that you were becoming quite familiar with. inhaling deeply, you continued. “i canceled more plans. i know you don’t want me to, but i just want to spend any time i have, with you. I can’t bear to be further away from you.” the sound of him scolding you felt like whispers against your damp skin.

you reached up and wiped a lone tear from your cheek. smiling as wide as you could handle, you tried to ignore them.

“i want to move to somewhere quieter, but i could never leave you.” you fiddled with your fingers out of habit.

there was a pause. your ears rang. “you don’t ever have to worry about me leaving, okay? i promise. i’ll stay here as long as you need me too.”

you waited; your eyes trailed downward, head turned away. the street was still slick with the combination of the oil from the city mixed with the rain. your breathing was fitful now, tears soaking the neckline of your top.

“i miss you. your side of the bed doesn’t even smell the same anymore,” you choked out, your hands rubbing the sockets of your eyes. you scanned the graveyard before returning your gaze to where peter rested.

Peter’s headstone was simple; he never would have wanted something grandiose. you and may picked out a simple granite. it was more may’s choice than yours, you had been too hysterical to even cope with the fact that the funeral you were planning was his.

even through hysterics, it never really hit you that he was dead. not until he sunk in an urn into the earth.

he always insisted an urn, better for the environment. neither you or may could handle having him sit on your mantle. you both decided that it felt too dehumanizing.

his headstone read: Peter Benjamin Parker: Lover, Son, Hero.

“it’s not getting any easier. i still love you more than anything, peter. i’m not capable of loving someone else, i think.

“you’ve ruined me romantically.” you laughed at the thought. it was a joke, even though it rang truer and truer as each day passed.

“you are the highlight of my existence. good lord, peter. you mean so much to me. there is nothing that i wouldn’t do to see you again. or, at the very least get your pillow to smell normal again. it reeks of me.”

-

peter died in your arms.

you could not quite recall the turn of events completely, but you could very clearly remember what he had said to you last.

he stumbled into your apartment through the fire escape. it got blurry after he thudded onto the carpet.

there had been some criminal ransacking the city who had a particular vengeance for peter. every time peter went out, he came back worse and worse. the name of the scum that killed him laid dormant somewhere in your mind. you refused to even think about him, as far as you were concerned, he was beneath you.

you had known that peter’s crime fighting could result in something serious, but pete had always insisted that everything was going to end up all right.

“i got him,” he had said. you ran over to help him. everything you remembered was from the third person, like you were watching yourself from above. you couldn’t recollect anything you said in response. “finally you’ll be safe from-”

from this point everything was crystal clear. you could name the shampoo still faintly straggled in his hair. it was your shampoo; now tarnished with the intense irony scent of blood that congested the throngs of your shared bedroom.

“peter, we have got to call an ambulance.” you were getting frantic. you tried as hard as you could to hoist him up, but he resisted. his arms rested atop your shoulders as you tried and tried to lift him up.

“it’s my time, love, it’s-”

“no. just let me get you to the hospital. if you hold on just a little bit longer, we can get you fixed up, okay?”

he inhaled like he was going to say something. his forehead fell to your shoulder.

“honey?” you shook him. “peter?”

“pete? peter?” you hand moved to his scalp. you tried to thread your fingers through his hair to no avail. the matting from his blood halted you fingers as soon as you began.

“c’mon, darling. stay awake, okay?”

“peter?”

your screech was pathetic as he laid limply in your arms. his chest was concave and his left foot had been barely hanging on.

-

you changed your shampoo after that; the smell of it only ever brought you that night. whenever you closed your eyes, you saw visions of peter. you could not decide which was worse: the memories where he was happy, or the play-by-play of his soul shrinking away from yours.

nights were now filled with television reruns, your ceiling, anything that could keep you awake occupied your time. when you were asleep you could be with him again. but, you never wanted to wake up. the hollow throbbing pains of having him ripped away from you again when you woke made you an insomniac.

you doomed yourself to repeat this cycle. it was as if you ever managed to get over peter, you’d lose everything that you had of him. so, you clung to every crumb that remained. even though those crumbs were slipping through your fingers like sand and disappearing with time as days passed.

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

Hello, I really enjoy your bungo self aware series. It has really helped me cope with everything. I was not sure where to put it and I was afraid to request. Because I sent one in your messages. About the port mafia flags taking care of the reader that experiences painful flashbacks from ptsd. To the point where it's hard for them to function with basic things. And goes into their head that they could've done this or that to prevent further harm and scrutiny.

Few words

Self-Aware! Platonic! Flags x Fem! Teen! Reader

Description: Few words made your mind wonder. Flags are here to make sure, that you are fine.

Warning: English is my second language. Mentions of abuse and scumming.

_______

You have been feeling groggy since morning. While, you don't have nightmares that night, the dream you had was unpleasant. It worsens your mood quite a bit. You tried to keep a smile on your face, but others quickly saw through your efforts.

The moment you sat down at the dinner table, Chuuya put a plate with double portion of a breakfast, Albatross was telling jokes, while driving you and BSD Teens and Kids at school, and during lunch break, Teruko was telling stories about Hunting Dogs missions, that you liked so much.

You could swear, that you started feeling better. You were sure, that at the evening you won't feel the shroud of morning sadness.

Well, as Fyodor liked to say "Не говори гоп, пока не перепрыгнешь"(1)

_______________

Today you supposed to go home early. Your class won a competition, and, as reward, you got a short day. Just few minutes before you can go home. Just last few encouraging words from your teacher.

"I never doubted you. After all, students from our school supposed to be perfect!" smile on their face was genuine. They believed, in what they were saying.

"Enjoy your weekends, kids! And, don't tell anyone, that I let you go earlier. It will be our little secret."

Your classmates started to pack their bags. You, on the other hand, froze.

'supposed to be perfect' 'don't tell anyone' 'little secret'

...this word...

"[Y/N], are you okay?" Karma looked concerned. "You have been staring before you, hardly blinking."

You nodded, and quickly put textbooks in your bag.

"We... we should go."

You mumble. You want to go home. You need to focus on going home. On today.

You, Karma and the rest of your housemates/friends/siblings leave the school.

You, Karma and the rest of your housemates/friends/siblings get into the van, saying 'hello' to Albatross, who was driving today.

You tried to focus on current moment.

But 'supposed to be perfect' and 'don't tell anyone' echoed in your head.

And you were silent all the way home.

______________________

Albatross can't help, but sneaking glances at you in the back view mirror.

You were quiet. Your gaze was dull. You looked tense. You looked much worse, than you looked in the morning.

And Albatross knew, what was going on with you.

He and others should prepare.

He managed to send a message to the rest of the Flags, when van got in a small traffic jam.

Today you will need them.

And you will need to be reminded, that you are safe.

And that you are loved.

He and the rest of BSD Cast loved you. You were their daughter/granddaughter/niece/sister.

He and the rest of BSD Cast were neutral about other people.

He and the rest of BSD Cast despised that creatures, that did that to you.

______________________

When you came home, you ignored others and immediately get into your room. You wanted to lay down, to spend some time alone.

Until that annoying echoes of 'supposed to be perfect' and 'don't tell anyone' stop ringing in your ears.

Meanwhile, Flags was preparing. They brought everything they need and were waiting outside your room.

They value your privacy. Sometimes, you need just some solitude and silence.

But they can't let you be always alone. When you were like this, you tend to ignore yourself. Skipped breakfast, lunches, do half job in brushing your hair or teeth. You need people, who took care of you and supports you.

Doing the job, that they failed to do. Who willingly choose to abandon their work.

And, while you have your doubts, you were s strong person. Flags knew that.

But, even strongest people need help. Need love. Need cheering up.

But, for now, they will wait.

____________

You didn't get any sleep.

Your head hurts.

Your hair was a mess.

You slowly stand up from the bed. On stiff legs, you approached your dressing table. You plopped on the chair before it.

You grab hairbrush.

And looked in a mirror.

Messed up hair. Bags under eyes.

And yells of 'You were supposed to be perfect! Why can't you be a normal child?! Why are you so terrible?! Useless! Helpless!'

Your grip on the hairbrush was too strong, your knuckles became white.

sounds of hits rang in your ears

'You were supposed to braid your hair! It is not a braid!'

your scalp was on fire. with every tug of your hair, pain became stronger and stronger. they don't care, that you didn't know, how to do it. you were supposed to be perfect. perfection supped to knew everything without people teaching them 'how'. perfection supposed to know better and not believe scammers. only perfect thing you can do was staying silent and not telling anyone about your home life. or you would face consequences.

You sobbed. And that sob let you return to reality.

You felt, that you weren't alone in the room.

But you can't focus on that someone.

You felt, like you were surrounded by a thick, hard as stone darkness. You tried to focus on something else. On a carpet under your feet, on a chair you were sitting on, on the air, that was surrounding you. On anything, that will freeze you, let you stay there, and not let your mind flow further down the memory river.

Yet, you can't focus on anything. It was hard. Extremely hard. But you tried again and again.

Something warm touched your hands, making you let go of the brush. Warm hands gave your palms another soft squeeze. After this soft gesture, the darkness moved back. Someone started making circling motions with his thumb, giving your hands a little massage. With every circle, darkness creeps away from you.

You finally could focus on the person, who was holding your hands. The sight of the familiar warm smile on Lippmann's face makes darkness moved back again.

"There, Dear, everything is fine. You are safe." Lippmann's voice was soft and warm. "Nothing bad will happen to you."

You continue staring at your hands, while Lippmann squeezed them again.

"You are safe. No one will ever hurt you." His words make you felt like you were covered with a warm blanket. Another pair of hands was put on the top of your head, and fingers started to go through your hair, untangling knots. Pianoman whispered, while gently untangling the knots.

"Let us take care of you, dear. Don't worry about anything, young lady."

You stay silent. You don't know what to say.

You saw Doc with the corner of your eye. He was pouring water from the bottle in a cup.

Soon, he stands next to Lippmann, holding a cup towards you. There was a straw in the cup.

"Here, drink this, [Y/N]" Doc's eyes were warm and full of concern.

You started to drink through the straw

Lippmann's hands were still squeezing yours.

Pianoman, who picked up the hairbrush from the floor, was now brushing your hair.

Doc was still holding the cup with one hand. He put a second hand on your shoulder.

"Here. Here. Don't rush. Small sips. Good. You are doing great. Now, breath in. Hold it. Breathe out. In. Hold it. Out. In. Hold. Out. You are doing great. You are doing great."

Water was drunken. Your breathing calmed down. You felt empty, but, at least, nothing was howling in your head and darkness wasn't circling around you.

The door of the ensuite bathroom opened. Iceman and Albatross stepped into the room.

"Bath is ready, [Y/N]. Do you want to take it now?"

You slowly nodded. Iceman asked the next question.

"Need help?" You shook your head. You were sure, that you can take a bath on your own.

Flags quickly left the room, giving you privacy. You took a change of clothes and went to the bathroom.

___________

Scented oils in the warm water, bubbles, a cup of your favorite beverage did a good job in making tension go away. You just focused on the scent and warmth, not thinking about anything.

After you finished with your bath, you put on your pajamas, a fluffy bathrobe, that Albatross put there earlier, put a towel over your wet hair, and return to your room.

__________

Flags wasn't done with taking care of you yet.

You were sitting on Iceman's lap with your legs in a big bowl full of warm water. Doc was kneeling before you, giving you a foot massage.

Lippmann and Pianoman were sitting on the floor, on the left from Doc, while Albatross was sitting on his right.

The room was silent. Until Albatross spoke.

"Hey, [Y/N], want to hear about the dream I had?" He waited until you nodded, and continue. "Let me tell you, I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda!"

Albatross sighed, before grinning.

"Do bad, that it was just a Fanta sea."

You quietly huffed. You don't know if it was a good pun, or so bad it's good pun. Albatross continues.

"Also, earlier today, some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped! It was otter chaos!"

You giggled. A small smile appeared on your face. Albatross, encouraged, continue telling you puns.

At the end, you and Albatross were laughing. When you two calmed down, you felt courage, that you need to speak.

"I... I am sorry for being a mess today. I am sorry for making you took care of me. I just... I just want someone to care..." You bit your lip. "If only I spoke sooner... You won't get such a mess that I am. I won't be a burden."

You didn't have a chance to react, before you got in a middle of a group hug.

"Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. You are our dear niece. You are our family. You aren't a burden." Pianoman carefully pat your head.

"Don't be ashamed of your emotions. They are valid. You deserve to be heard. You deserve to be loved." Doc squeeze your right shoulder.

"Came to us even with the smallest things to ask for. We will take care of you." Albatross squeezed your right hand.

"We will move forward together. We will take as many small steps as you need and want. You won't be alone. You will never be on your own." Lippmann squeezed your left shoulder.

"You have power. You can choose. We will support you." Iceman carefully squeezed your left hand.

"We love you, our dear niece."

_______

You went to sleep with happy tears on your cheeks. You asked, and they listened. Flags stayed in your room. To make sure, that you don't have nightmares.

No matter what awaits their family, Flags were sure in one thing.

________

All of them will be here for you.

(1)Rus. Idiom. Similar meaning to "don't halloo till you are out of the woods"

(2) Puns were found there

[bigtreefest]

Chapter 9: Looking Over Fences

From: You Catch More Bees With Honey Series

Pairing: Mob! Bucky x Farmer! Reader

Summary: Things may seem alright on the other side of the fence if you’re not consciously looking at it, but both sides are on the struggle currently

Word count: 2,268

Content/warnings: Mentions/allusions to self harm that are a poor joke, mob themes, mentions of blood, mentions of death, threats, annoyance, pushy behavior and lowkey misogyny, possibly a very bad decision, Peter being a sweet lil brother essentially

Author’s Note: This is lined up so the phone call she makes at the end would occur in Ch. 5 of The Rainmaker

I hope you guys are liking this AU, and I’d love to hear all your thoughts. Comments, reblogs, and asks are greatly appreciated!

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

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The following week since Bucky had left the farm was…okay. It was fine. And to be honest, you didn’t really care for much that was going on outside your own bubble. You fielded the occasional call or text from Steve or Decks, never from Bucky, trying to make it seem like everything was okay, but that was pretty much it.

Peter was helpful, monitoring shipments that started to come in, but more so, you could feel the way he was monitoring you. Perhaps to make sure you didn’t jump off one of the bridges you’d helped to design in town. But what did that matter? They were like ten feet off the riverbed anyway. And it’s not like you were faring that poorly. You were just a little sad, but not enough for it to affect you, but the people closest to you in your life thought differently than that. And by closest, right now you meant physical proximity: Peter and Curtis.

Everywhere you went, if you turned around and squinted enough, you could still see Peter in a distant corner. He definitely needed to work or his stealth skills, or perhaps he was purposely making sure you could see him, letting you know you didn’t have to be alone. That was too bad, though, because that was all that you wanted. To be left alone and sulk and just do your work like the good farmer you are.

So you did, and tried to ignore your shadow figure following you around in jeans and a shirt you’d made Curtis bring him from the store in town. He was just so tiny that he was swimming in everything else you had for the boys, and you weren’t really sure if he would want your old, nasty clothes. The ones you were hardly wearing anymore after your got back late at night, in favor of the only thing Bucky had left behind: a single Henley.

But really, it was fine. It was okay, and you were going to be fine. If only Curtis would stop asking! You could handle everything on your own, just like you had before. That’s what mattered, right? The only one you could really rely on was yourself, and no one needed to see how much pain you were actually in besides him. The one who got to be so happy with his sweet girl while you were separated, independent, alone. Any time you made a snide comment about it outside the soft likeness you were known for prior to these mood swings, Curtis simply let it roll off his back, giving you a tight hug, and moving on, avoiding the subject once again.

Bucky was miserable. Just like you, he threw himself into work to try and ignore the pain. He needed someone around, though. Struggling alone wasn’t as easy as it used to be, so he searched for help. What the hell was this attempt at a healthy coping mechanism? One that landed him in the apartment of your best friend, no less.

Bucky had tried to find Steve upon his return, the second in command still working double time, plus essentially a new part-time job of flirting. Steve didn’t say it, but Bucky could see it. Plus, he got an earful from Sam about their developing situation in the debrief of preparation for coming back to work. Good for Steve, not relatable. The only chance he could get to find his elusive best friend was to track down his car and jump in. So after Steve had picked up snacks for what appeared to be a movie date, Bucky snuck into the trunk to hide. Any attention, or just human presence, especially that of someone you seemed to enjoy so much would work.

Bucky was exhausted. His nights were sleepless again, but now for different reasons. He couldn’t sleep without you. He didn’t want to sleep without you. But his body didn’t get the message as he was pulled under by the gentle rocking of Steve’s SUV.

He woke up to the familiar, gentle voice in his place amongst the grocery bags. He couldn’t believe he’d fallen asleep in such an uncomfortable suit. It was one of his trash suits: one of the scratchy ones, one of the ones he didn’t care if it got a little bloody. To be honest, he didn’t care right now. Who did he have to impress? This was the first time he’d been out of the house in a week. But this was better than no clothes, and why waste something designer when no one was important around to see it? This mindset was completely different than two months ago.

Bucky groaned and sat up from the trunk, telling Steve his true feelings, something rarely voiced, so who was Steve to turn away from that vulnerability? Bucky really just needed someone, and even though Steve really wanted this private time with Decks, his best friend needed him more. In response to Bucky’s request to joint them, Steve’s lips formed a tight line and his nostrils flared with a frustrated, but sympathetic huff.

“Fine. Come on upstairs.”

The time with Decks and Steve really helped Bucky, even though he could tell he was very evidently interrupting something. Once the movie was over and Decks was asleep, Bucky checked his phone to see a new message: another employee dead.

As the weeks went on, employee deaths had been on the rise with even a few occurring at first when he was at the farm. It initially seemed like weird chance events. A missing employee here and there, unfortunately, was normal when you owned so much of the city. They would usually turn up again, but this time it was different. Employees were dying, both innocent and mob-associated alike. This was targeted, and he knew exactly who was doing it: Lloyd. He was closing in on business, looking to intimidate. This was going to fill Bucky’s time well, combined rage from these slaps in the face, as well as the constant berating you were starting to face from Cole (as Peter had reported), working as fuel to the fire of reclaiming his rule over the city.

Not only did business suck, but if someone asked Steve and Sam, they’d say their boss was a menace to society, and not in the good way. He was running himself, and them by proxy, into the ground. Nothing was ever enough for him, and they were catching the brunt of that. Maybe there was a way to fix it, but what was coming wasn’t quite what they had in mind. With all the shit going on in the city, they hoped things were better for you.

You had no idea what Bucky was going through besides the small things that Peter updated you on, but you hope it wasn’t as bad as having to put on a fake smile for an annoying, fake farmer.

It was as if Cole was consciously waiting for Bucky to leave your farm for him to start coming around again. It was like clockwork, with a gift from him earlier in the week, followed by an in-person sometime visit in the second half. It was like he was hoping to find you to more vulnerable like this. If that was the metric he was going on, though, he was severely underestimating your abilities. Bucky had been gone for three weeks, and Cole seemed unrelenting.

At least your rage at his persistence gave you something to fill your days with. And Peter was a delightful gossip, making impressions of the clumsy and pushy ‘farmer.’

You didn’t really have the desire to keep any of the gifts you were receiving but the cow, though, which was quickly growing, ready soon to move into her shed out back. First, it was the little things, like her, but then things started getting bigger. A Turner’s drink fridge. Where was that supposed to go? Then a hydroponics tower. That…well, actually, that one was kinda nice. Those things were expensive, and you hadn’t gotten the chance to invest in them yet. But what could a singular one possibly do for you? And then a tractor. One not even graded for the type of work you had to do. Each gift was punctuated by him forcing his way into your house right at dinner time, and sitting with you and Peter until you could shove him out, polite as ever.

His last visit, though. That one was a little bit different. You could see the smug look on his face as he ate off your cutlery. It was an insult that the plates and utensils your family, and Bucky, once used were touching his mouth. You’d purposely set those ones aside, reused for only him each time, and marked them mentally to be blown up once this all blew over. You were sure Peter would enjoy that, too. And hopefully it was sooner rather than later, but until then, it was one dinner at a time.

You walked Cole out to the porch, like you did every time, but instead of walking straight out to his truck, this time, he lingered for a second, turning around and looking down at you.

“Listen up, Sweet Peach. Sure, my capacities right now, every time I visit you, are limited, but I’ve got friends in low places. I’m not gonna give up. Either you give me the farm, or my buddy Lloyd starts a war with your boyfriend.”

A threat like that made you lose your usually cool demeanor for a second. “Cole, absolutely not!” This came out of nowhere.

You had to find a way to hit his pride. Maybe that could cause him to back down without retaliation. “What’s the valor in me handing it over, anyway? It would be worth so much more if you earned it. I know you’ve got something to prove, just like in high school.”

You did your best not to cringe at the memory. You obviously didn’t care about back then and it still pained you to think of it. Living in the past wasn’t something you did, but it was very evidently something he was caught up on. “Work to earn my farm, maybe you’ll earn my respect…and possibly a little something else.”

You bit your lip trying to be suggestive. Ugh, this was humiliating, but his entire manner of carrying himself shifted from his poor attempt at intimidation to intrigue. After all these years he still couldn’t help himself trying to win you over, and he was still a doofus.

“Oh yeah? And how do you suppose I do that?”

You tapped your bottom lip with your pointer finger, humming. “Mmm, how about a wager? Winner takes all, or at least just my farm. I win, Lloyd doesn’t wage war, either. Deal?”

“Wait, wait. A wager on what?” He licked his lips, still giving you a look that made you sick to your stomach.

“How about a game of pool? And tell you what, I’ll be extra nice since you’ve never seen me play and I just want to make sure we’re even.” You said it in your sweetest tone, a pout on your lips and your eyes as wide and sparkling as a doe. “You can pick who plays for your side, but here are the ground rules: no professional players. No pre-professional, either. Friends, allies, and acquaintances only. Keep the playing field even. But, the caveat is that I get to do the same. Whichever side wins the game, wins the prize. Do we have a deal?”

Cole stood there for a second, nodding and thinking it over. “So you’re trying to win my compliance? Didn’t think you were the type to treat your livelihood like a game, but lucky for you, I am.”

It’s true, you hate that it had to come to this, but you held out your hand for him to shake, just for him to limply grab it. How he got this far in business, you’ll never know, because that handshake was terrible, yet binding for the young-ish heir. Oh wait, that’s right, he got this far because his parents did it for him. Bucky would never let that handshake fly, but maybe he would understand. This was a threat facing both of you, and according to the breadcrumbs you’d heard from Peter, it could be even worse on Bucky’s end. That, on top of what Cole said about waging war added to your concern.

“Deal.” Cole dropped your hand and you tucked it behind you back, ready to wash it as soon as you could get inside.

“Good. Now get off my property. I’ll meet you at the bar next week. Saturday. 6pm.”

He nodded with a wink and walked down the porch steps to his lifted truck, tripping on the gravel on the way there, not daring to look back to catch your snicker. You could see his huff when he slid into the front seat, after having jumped up into the tall vehicle. The engine roared as he drove away, creating ruts. You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms as you walked back inside.

You heart was racing. The stakes were unbelievably high, but you didn’t have much of an option. Either win this bet and end it once and for all, or chance him trying to take things by force. So it wasn’t really much of a choice at all when you laid it out.

You had a few phone calls to make…

Next >

Bonus A/N: The grass is always greener, but it looks like both Bucky and Bee are standing on dead lawns.

Taglist: @mrsnikstan @scuzmunkie @openup-yourmind @vicmc624 @multifandomreader73 @hawkeyes-queen @blackhawkfanatic @morgthemagpie @buckybarnessimpp @calwitch @thesarcasmqueen-22 @ronearoundblindly

[mirage-aera]

•°. *࿐ Five stages of grief | TF141 + König + Keegan

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : Reflections - The Neighbourhood

Synopsis: How the boys will cope with your death after a mission gone wrong following the five stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Word count: 2.099

Masterlist

Inspired by an acting challenge @ simplyagh0st has created on tiktok, check him out he does great content if you haven't!

"falling just as hard, I'd rather lose somebody than use somebody"

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley has gone through so much hurt already. He promised himself that he wouldn’t let anyone close to his heart,  and just rip it out again. But once you came along and managed to tear down his walls, he made a vow to himself to keep you safe, to make sure he doesn’t have to go through loss, again. 

During the mission, your position gets overwhelmed by enemies. Backup is only a couple of minutes away. The team is split up, you are together with Simon, fighting off waves of enemies. Simon has unknowingly turned his back on an enemy while trying to help you. You’re his priority and he discards his own safety. You see the barrel of the gun facing his back. Not saying a word, you run up to him and turn him around. Not expecting the movement, he easily moves with you. Effectively swapping places with you. The shot rings out and pierces you through the heart. You start collapsing to the floor. He manages to catch you before you meet the ground. He pulls his pistol out of the holster and shoots the enemy with no hesitation.

He sets your body down on the floor gently. Your backup arrives and helps Simon clear out the enemies. As he looks at the dead bodies around him, he can’t help but stare at you. He’s a seasoned soldier. He knows you are dead and that nothing can help you.

As days go on without you by his side, slowly his misery turns into anger. He hates the fact that you put yourself in front of a bullet that was meant for him. He hates the fact that he failed to protect you. He hates that he got so distracted with keeping enemies away from you that he failed to notice the enemy pointing a gun at him. He hates that he let his walls down again, and let someone break his heart again. He gets colder by the day, not giving a damn for anyone or anything. He’s on a mission, to kill every single person involved in that mission that’s on the other side of your guns. He may have failed in protecting you, but he’ll be damned if he fails at this too.

"I see my reflection in your eyes.."

John ‘Soap�� MacTavish can’t believe how much of a fuck up he is. He promised you, that whenever you are around him. He’ll keep you safe. No matter what. So when he sees your empty eyes staring up at him. He can’t help but feel so guilty. He’s used to seeing his reflection in your eyes. Eyes that were so full of life, and now they’re lifeless. All because he broke his promise to you. He just stares at your body in shock. One second you were fine, even joking around with him. The next second you’re gone and he failed to protect you.

They had to drag him off of your dead body. When they put a white sheet over you, that’s when he finally stopped fighting. He had no other choice than to accept you’re dead. He wouldn’t leave your side. Even at death. He’s locked himself up in his room after getting discharged. Price said he’s a liability and that he should take some time off. But really all it did was shut him off even more. He feels so alone in your shared bedroom. Once full of laughter are now fleeting memories. He spends his day in bed, reminiscing and crying. He wants to be angry, he wants to avenge you. But he’s just so goddamn tired. His reflection staring back at him through your lifeless eyes will forever haunt him.

The only time he leaves the house is to visit you. Even then, your cheerful Johnny is no more. He just stares at your tombstone in sadness, remorse, and regret. He thinks about all of the what-ifs. He knows you would hate to see him like this, but he feels like he has no other option. His light was and always will be you. Someone has taken his light away, and the tunnel is now a dark and lonely one

"we were too close to the stars, I never knew somebody like you"

Kyle ‘Gaz’ Garrick has never expected the mission to go so awry. If anything, it was supposed to be one of the easier missions that the Task Force had to endure. So when he stares at you, lying limp on the cold hard ground. One thought is speeding through his mind. ‘No no no, she’s not dead. She can’t be dead.” Even though the signs are there, you are clinically dead. You aren’t breathing, heart stopped pumping the instant the explosion went off. Eyes staring blankly up at the sky. He rushes to you and reassures you as if you’re still alive.

“Hey, hey just keep your eyes open baby. Help is on the way.”

“You’ll be okay, you’re stronger than them.”

“Just hold on, you’re fine baby. It’s just a bruise.”

He repeats these things, both to you and him. As long as he can reassure himself that you are okay and still ‘alive’, everything will be alright. Despite the blood staining his clothes and covering his hands. He refuses to believe you are dead. Not when you are one of the most important people in his life if not the most important. You’re supposed to grow old and die together. Not abruptly by an explosion, not on the job. He has never met someone like you, someone so caring and kind-hearted. You’re a special one and he knows it.

Even as the medics put you on a stretcher and placed a white sheet over your body. Even when they pronounced you dead. He refuses to listen to them. Even when your casket gets lowered into the ground as they give you an honorary send-off. When they forced him to attend your funeral so that he won't regret it later. He still believes you are alive. Sometimes he can hear you call out to him, telling him you love him and that he should move on from you. On a few rare occasions, he swears he sees you standing before him. Or amongst the team on a briefing. And when he informs the team that you have returned, they just stare at him in pity. And repeat what they have been saying for weeks. “She’s dead and isn’t coming back.”

"(tell me you see it too..)"

John Price is a seasoned soldier. He has seen many things, things that he’d rather have not seen. But to keep the world clean, someone has to get their hands dirty. During his whole military, he has seen many comrades die, good people that didn’t deserve to die. Once he became captain he made sure that every one of his fallen brothers and sisters would get a proper and honorable send-off.

You are not an exception. Once he got the news that you’ve been KIA’d. His whole world stopped before it started turning again. His team needs him to be level-headed, not an emotional wreck. He can let his emotions out later in private. They retrieve your body from the field and bring it home. As you lay in the chopper, lifeless. He stares at you both in sadness and frustration. He knows you aren’t coming back. He’s frustrated that he couldn’t save you. Your eyes are still open, staring blankly back at him. He sighs as he closes your eyes, not bearing to see his reflection in your eyes. A reminder that he failed you, both as a partner and captain.

He was there during every step of the send-off. He made sure everything was perfect and that nothing could go wrong. You deserve to rest in peace. As the casket goes down, he can’t help but feel slightly peaceful as he watches you get lowered. He’s there until midnight, talking endlessly with your tombstone. Until he’s forced to leave you, so he can prepare for his next mission. Dealing with the bastards, and everyone involved that took you from him.

‘At least she’s free from the horrors of this world.’ He thinks to himself. From now on, he’ll strive to keep the world clean. So that you can forever lay one with the earth in peace. It’s the least he could do for you now that you can’t do it yourself. Maybe one day he’ll join you. But for now he’s content with the fact you no longer have to suffer.

"maybe it's a blessing in disguise?"

König has been spiralling since that mission, the mission where you did not return like you said you would. He regrets sending you on that mission for KorTac. He unknowingly sent you on a suicide mission. The worst part is, they never found your body. It makes him sick to think about what happened to it. He hates the way he can’t even put you to proper rest, where you want to be buried if something were to happen. He rereads the mission file over and over. He thinks that maybe, just maybe, he could’ve seen it coming from a mile away and perhaps he could’ve warned you. But the times he rereads it he realizes that there was nothing that could’ve been done for you. Every outcome would’ve likely ended with you dying. It revolts him to think he sent you to your death.

Your shared home feels so cold and lonely without your presence. He takes care of the garden for you, he waters your indoor plants. You always made him a fruit salad while he worked in his office. So he does it himself. But instead of using his favourite fruits, he makes them with your favourite. Hoping that one day, you’ll come home and join him, sharing a fruit salad together as you used to do. He heads to the cemetery daily, where your empty casket is buried. Sometimes, he’ll come with a small bowl of fruit salad. 

“I’ve got your favourites, meine Taube.” 

“Bitte, come home. Your plants miss you, I can’t take care of them as well as you do.”

“I wish I never sent you on that verdammt mission.”

As he speaks softly to your tombstone, a white dove perches on top of it. He looks at it as it reminds him of you. He watches as the dove takes your favourite fruits from the bowl and eats it. Eventually, it picks up the pieces of his favourite fruit and drops them on his hand. He chuckles lightly, “welcome home, Liebe.”

"falling just as hard, I'd rather lose somebody than use somebody"

Keegan Russ was already torn with the death of Ajax. But when Rorke did the same to you. His whole world crumbled. When they found out Rorke had a kill list for the Ghosts. He made a vow to himself to keep you safe, no matter what. So when Rorke captured you, he was furious. But he still had confidence in getting you back home to him. He was so close, yet so far. He realizes it’s a repeat of what happened to Ajax. That just spurred him on more to get you back faster.

But when he came face to face with Rorke. He spots your limp body behind Rorke. Oh, he so wanted to wipe that smirk off of his face, but his priority is you first and foremost. “What did you do?!” Keegan screams out in rage. When that smirk got wider, he was so tempted to put a bullet in between his eyes right there and then. “I crossed off a name on the list.” All Keegan sees is red. Rorke throws your lifeless to him.

Keegan catches your body and slumps to the floor. Rorke sees this as an opportunity to escape, and right now Keegan doesn’t give a shit. He clutches your body closer to him. Hating the way your cold skin touches him. Hating all the dried-up blood and bruises. You suffered, and he couldn’t help you. He screams in both rage and agony. He gently puts you down before trashing the room you were held in. He throws things left and right. He tears down papers from the walls.

At your funeral, he wasn’t any better. If anything, his body was running on pure adrenaline and rage. Once he gets his hand on Rorke. He will show him the wrath that he has bestowed upon him. He can’t help but continuously for not being there to protect you. He stares at your tombstone in anger. ‘How did I let you slip through my fingers?’ That is all he can think about. You were gone, because he was too late. That thought will forever linger in the back of his mind.

[claiestve]

Things have been going really bad for me lately. Could you please make an Isaac comfort fic? The listener feels very gloomy and can't do anything. They often become very clingy to him feeling sad and just hugging him but he's working and gets annoyed so he kinda yells at them but he feels bad and comforts them later? I am sorry if this is too specific 😭

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐢𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐏𝐭. 𝟐 ꨄ Isaac

˜”* ❝𝙄 𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙢𝙚 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪.❞

⎯⎯ ୨ ୧ ⎯⎯

ꜱʏɴᴏᴘꜱɪꜱ: ɪꜱᴀᴀᴄ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀꜱᴛᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ

⎯୨⎯ " " ⎯୧⎯

“Hey.” You quickly made your presence known to Isaac before clinging onto him. He was working but made it known that he was okay with you coming in for whatever you needed. Ultimately, he didn’t mind at all. 

However, there was one thing that got under his skin. It seemed like the past few days, you’ve been acting off. You didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything, you never felt like talking or holding up conversation, and your attitude shifted overall. It was all so strange because you were still very physically attached to him and wanted to be around him more than usual, but he just couldn’t let it go. Isaac wanted to figure you out so badly. 

Now, you’re hugging the back of his neck while he researches. He attempted to start a conversation with you but your gloomy tone shut it down quickly. 

“Do you– um, need something, Pickle?” He made another attempt at conversing but you clearly didn’t want it. 

“No.” 

You buried your face into his hair, feeling a huge weight lift off your body. It felt relaxing to just be near him. Isaac was like an escape for you. At this moment, you didn’t have to think, you didn’t want to think. You just wanted to be with him. 

“Pickle, if there’s something wrong you know you can tell me, right?”

“Yeah.”

Your mindless replies started to frustrate him. He didn’t know why you were like this and why you didn’t tell him anything. He needed to know, but maybe that’s why you didn’t want to tell him. 

“Then why won’t you tell me?” His tone was more gentle than anything, even considering his frustration. 

“Because there’s nothing to tell.” 

Isaac leaned his head forward to move you off of him which took you slightly by surprise. 

“If you don’t need anything, you need to leave. I’m working and don’t have time for this right now.”

His word choice was very careful but his tone was harsh and cold. In the back of your mind, you knew he was getting tired of this, of you. You felt the way you’ve been acting has irritated him but you never knew for sure because he didn’t want to tell you. Just like how you didn’t want to tell him what’s been wrong with you. 

“Isaac, you said I could be in here…”

“Just not right now, okay? I have a lot of shit to do, I don’t have time for… this.”

Now it hit you; he was irritated. You were a burden to him. It was fine. He’s a busy man with priorities and he can’t afford to prioritize you over his work. You got it. 

“Right, sorry.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

You didn’t like being alone, it wasn’t how you coped. Typically, you don’t like talking about your feelings even though you encourage others to. It wasn’t something you were good at and so you found it easier to sulk with Isaac. That wasn’t an option anymore since kicked you out of his study. 

“Pickle?” 

Your head rose as the bedroom door creaked open a bit. 

“Hi, Isaac.”

You let yourself fall back on your pillow. 

“Look,” He sat down next to you on the bed, “I don’t know what’s going on with you and you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, okay? But I can see that whatever it is, it’s eating at you and sucking the life out of you. I just want to be here for you and at first, this frustrated me a lot, seeing you so…”

“Miserable?”

He half-smiled at your self-deprecating joke, “Slightly. I just want you to know I’m here whenever you need me and I’m sorry for not understanding it earlier. I still don’t understand but it– it doesn’t bother me.”

You lifted your head to see his pitiful expression. Maybe you were wrong. Maybe you weren’t a burden.

“I’m sorry for acting so weird. I know it’s not like me but I just can’t explain it. All I know is that I feel so… down? I guess. I know it’s annoying–”

“Never that.”

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

ahh ty for requesting i hope u feel better soon !1!!!11! i hope this met your expectations at least a little bit !

the other fics i promised r coming after this i swear yall 😭 i was just taking a small breather

[nobody0805]

Hello Major

A Jasper Hale x Reader Oneshot

Someone force me to finish chapter 5 before I write more Oneshots god bless.

Warnings: a bit angsty? But also fluffy.

1334 Words

They had known each other for a long time.

He was still human when he got to know her. His eyes were still shining with his young innocence, his body was not ridden with scars.

But most importantly, his heart was still beating.

When he had to leave for the war, he felt terrible for leaving her behind.

He had promised her to write her letters whenever he can, to keep her informed on how he’s doing, if he’s alright, and most importantly to him, to let her know that he still loves her.

To prove his commitment, he had given her a ring. A ring as a promise he will return.

And once he’s back he’ll make her his wife.

And he kept that promise for two years.

His letters had mentioned how he focused his work on saving and evacuating women and children, leaving him riding across the state to make sure everyone was safe.

His letters had also told her about his progress, how he had become the youngest major in the army, even when considering how he had lied about his age to get into the army in the first place.

But it was one letter that broke her heart.

It had arrived in the evening, two weeks after his last letter.

She had been happy, until she saw the expression of the mail carrier.

The man looked sad, almost sorry for her.

And when she finally opened the letter and read through it, her world shattered. Her hand clutched the ring she wore on a necklace, the ring he gave her before he left.

He died.

At least, that’s what the letter told her.

The army expressed their condolences, telling her how sorry they were for having to tell her that Major Jasper Whitlock went missing and presumably died in the war.

Her reaction was conflicted.

She wanted to scream, cry, rip the letter apart, curse whoever was listening and caused this fate for them.

But she didn’t.

Instead she just kept clutching the ring and read the letter over and over again, hoping that this was just some sick joke. That someone just wanted to see her suffer, maybe the mail carrier, maybe someone else.

But even after two more weeks, no new letter arrived.

And she had to accept that it was true.

Jasper had died, the love of her life was dead.

And she was left alone. Unable to even visit a grave, unable to know where he went missing, what he felt, if he had been in pain before it was all over.

And it broke her.

The big unknown broke her.

And in her grief ridden state she decided that it couldn’t be true.

She was in denial, she was angry and in denial.

Her future with the man she loved was ripped away under her feet, and it made her incredibly angry.

So she decided to take her horse and ride to the last position his letters had told her he’d be.

But she couldn’t have expected what would happen to her.

Never in over a hundred years could she have seen this outcome.

——

Jasper Hale, formerly known as Jasper Whitlock, had been living with the Cullens for a few decades now.

He had gotten to know Alice, who turned out to be a great friend to him.

Thanks to her he managed to cope with the fact he never got to see her again, that she had probably died a long time ago.

And especially that he never got to keep his promise.

But it still hurt, of course it hurt.

In this immortal existence, knowing that he lost his love to time while he was stuck in this stupid army, forced to hurt people despite knowing how they felt, forced to follow the orders of the woman, the monster, who changed him and made him like her.

It all hurt so much.

And going to school over and over again, living amongst humans, pretending that he’s normal, that he’s fine and that he’s human, while having to constantly ignore just how everything hurt without her near.

His thirst was nothing compared to the constant pain of not having his love with him.

——

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed since everything changed, since she was told Jasper had died and she decided to search for him.

But she knew that something was drawing her to this small town, Forks.

She had quickly learned how to cope with her new… abilities. Especially with this near-constant burning in her throat that told her she needed to feed.

She had quickly learned that she could feed on animals and avoid hurting people. And she was glad it worked.

When she arrived in Forks, she felt lost. It was a new town for her, for someone who had been wandering on their own for years.

But she felt like something important was awaiting her.

And when she wandered through the forest, trying to avoid the weird smell of dog nearby, she found a house.

She hesitated, what if whoever lived in this surprisingly big and beautiful house in the middle of the forest wasn’t happy with spontaneous visitors.

But something was still drawing her near, as if something in her mind wanted her to enter and see who or what was inside.

Only when a man who looked like he had seen centuries of history stepped outside the house and welcomed her in was when she started moving again.

Reluctantly, she stepped closer, and finally saw a short, pixie-like girl standing behind the man.

”I‘m Alice! I knew you’d come here! Come inside, there is someone you should see!“

And if her heart was still beating, she was sure it would be racing right when she saw him.

When he saw her, his eyes widened and he felt like his words were stuck in his throat.

”D-Darlin‘…?“

”Hello Major.“

As soon as he heard her voice, sensed her emotions, and saw how she looked almost exactly like he remembered, he rushed to her side and pulled her into a tight hug.

”I thought I lost you… so long ago…“ the words were barely loud enough, but she was still able to hear them. And with how he sounded she was sure he’d be crying if it was physically possible.

And she wasn’t fooling anyone, she’d also be crying if she could.

Unable to restrain himself, Jasper pulled away from the embrace just enough to cup her face and pull her in a long overdue kiss.

And it felt like they hadn’t been apart at all, like the past decades of pain just started to disappear.

And he was so happy for the first time in years.

Once they pulled away and finally got to properly look at each other, Jasper’s eyes wandered and he saw the ring he had given her all those years ago. It was attached to a necklace and sat near her heart.

When she noticed where he looked, she smiled and gently cupped his cheek with her hand.

She chose to ignore the scars littered across his neck and jawline, deciding that there were better times to speak about what happened while they were apart, especially now that they have more than enough time together.

He practically melted into her touch, leaning against her hand as if he was afraid she would vanish before his eyes, like this was just an illusion and he was being tricked.

His own hand went to hers, holding it against his scarred cheek to keep her close, to keep enjoying her touch.

”you still have the ring“ he whispered, his golden eyes finding hers.

”and you still have a promise to keep,“ she smiled, ”but I think we have a lot to speak about first, before we take any big steps.“

And he was certain he would keep his promise, but at first they both had a lot of time to make up for.

[starrclownshazbinblog]

Spider Family facts (Angel, Molly, Arackniss, Henroin + Carmilla and Isabella) because I love them but if I HAVE to he be sad then YOU HAVE to be sad

TRIGGERWARNING: DEATH, HOMOPHOBIA, SUICIDE, OTHER NASTY TOPICS

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★

Like I've said, Arackaniss and Molly found Angel's body. Thing is, Arackaniss and Molly found Angel before he died. He was barely there but he was still alive. Molly freaked out, she immediately ran out of the room to fing medical help. Arackaniss ran to Angel immediately. He set his head up on his lap, he wanted him to be stable. He didn't need to search for a bullet wound, he knew what Angel did. Angel was barley alive but he could make small sentences. Arackaniss and Angel got into a big fight before Angel overdoses. Angel was using his last words to tell Arackaniss that he was sorry. Sorry for the fight, sorry for being a bad younger brother, sorry for the messes Arackaniss had to clean up. Arackaniss shushed him, telling him that he was his best friend and that he did everything right. As a husband, as a father, as a little brother. Arackniss's last words to Angel was that he loved him so much. Angel didn't hear him, he already died. Arackaniss broke down immediately. He just craddled Angel's head and cried, repeating that he loves him so much. Whe Molly ran back in the room with a paramedics, she saw Arackaniss and Angel's dead body. She never let herself forget she wasn't with her twin brother when he died.

Molly called Angel a faggot when he came out. She didn't mean too. It was genuinely just a slip of the tongue. Angel never forgot it though.

Angel gave Molly the scar on her eyebrow when they got into a fight. Angel gave himself one as a apology.

Molly went out alot quicker than Angel did. She shot herself in the side of the head. Arackaniss heard the shot in the middle of the night. He also found her dead body.

Arackaniss killed himself after Molly's funeral. He couldn't stand being without his family.

Molly was never the nicest to Isabella because she knew that Isabella was just a child that was made to make Carmilla and Angel look straight. She wasn't outright mean to Isabella but she was no means a loving aunt.

Henroin was the only one able to comfort Angel after Carmilla died. He pulled Angel close to him and let him cry over his shoulder.

Angel and Molly tried to joke about the death of their mother once so they could cope with the loss. They were about 12 and genuinely weren't trying to make fun of her, they were still upset they never had a mom. Arackaniss freaked the fuck out and screamed at them. He accidentally, in a fit if anger punched Angel in the face. Considering Arackaniss was 19 and much bigger than Angel, he knocked his tooth out. Angel has to get his gold tooth.

Henroin sometimes has resentful thoughts about Molly and Angel. Angel and Molly were a high risk pregnancy which ended up killing their mother. Henroin sometimes wishes that his wife survives instead. He immediately gets sick thinking about his children's death like this.

Henroin later found out in death from Molly that Angel was gay. This caused a breakdown. He didn't understand what he did that made Angel feel like he had to hide this part of him and create a marriage of convenience.

Molly and Angel have these small rabbit plushies. Angel is a light pink while Molly's is light orange. They were given to them by Henroin. Arackaniss has a light green one. Henroin later gave Isabella a light purple one. It's a small family tradition. When Angel died Molly slept with the two plushies, inconsolable for weeks. She refused to separate them. (This was her way of coping with the fact she wasn't with Angel when he died.) Later when Molly died, Arackaniss made sure that Angel's, Molly's, Isabella's, and his plushie went with him. He wanted the family to be together.

Isabella doesn't remember Angel. She's really young and considering how long she's been dead. She knows she had a dad she just doesn't know where his is.

Isabella doesn't know Angel's in hell. This leads her to be really upset her dad isn't with her. She still waiting for her dad to come back to her and tell her everything will be okay.

Henroin used to sing a personal lullaby to Arackaniss, Angel, and Molly when they would have nightmares. Angel would go on to sing this to Isabella. When Isabella died, Arackaniss would sing it to him to help with his crying.

Molly used to do drugs with Angel. She did it as a solidarity, to make him feel like he wasn't alone.

I had alot of fun writing these!! :D

Asks are always open, art is always here, crimes are always legal if you don't get caught! <3

- ⭐️StarClown⭐️