#and i get a little panicky
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why are you still on tumblr.com did you bring the wine?
no😭 i am hiding in my cabin while everyone else is at the main cabin i'm a little peopled out rn
#anon#i was very brave and went on two hikes today#i really like hiking but where we are staying is very heavy bush so all the hikes are very closed in#and it makes me feel very nauseous and claustrophobic#and i get a little panicky#but i did teo today and stopped in all the openings to take some breaths and water#it was fun#but now i'm exhausted
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feral giyuu beloved
hes gonna fucking kill Shinazugawa
so Sanemi pulls his stab-the-baby bullshit which terrifies Tanjiro, thinking he'd try to open the box next to burn her in the sun. as soon as Giyuu registers his distress all the tension he'd be holding in snaps violently- he lurches forward out of the lineup and lunges at Sanemi with the ferocity of an actual demon. Sabito and everyone else are stunned in place as Giyuu punches him hard enough to send him to the gravel, snatches Nezuko's box from him and leaps back pulling Tanjiro behind him. He stands there posed protectively in front of them, every muscle tensed ready to move as he stares Sanemi down snarling as loud as thunder. Obanai Mitsuri and Tengen are cringing back- Obanai because hes closest aside from Sanemi and can smell the intense sea-salt & pine through his mask, Mitsuri because shes an Omega Prime and the warning growl/threat scent affects her more, and Tengen because the sharp ring of loathing in the growl hurts his head. Sabito's still in the lineup baring his fangs, struggling to keep calm and not make the situation any worse for his partner despite the anxiety of the situation.
"Don't fucking touch them." "I didn't even touch your stupid brat!" "YOU STABBED HER!"
Everyone startles at the implication of that- Sanemi growls and starts berating him for imprinting on a demon, stomping closer, calling him a traitor for attacking him. Giyuu leans forward ready to rip out his throat at a moments notice, not lunging solely because Tanjiro's holding onto the back of his haori pleading for them not to fight. Sabito finally snarls and stands up- Kyojuro Mitsuri & Tengen follow, fully expecting to have to intervene when the three of them start tearing each other to shreds, "SIT!. ALL OF YOU!." He snaps, harshly grabbing Sanemi by the shoulder and shoving him down. Sanemi starts to protest but Sabito leans over him threateningly and grabs his throat, "You stay fucking put. You're already 5 feet down and i suggest you stop digging any further." Sanemi stares back at him, gripping the arm holding his neck, but doesn't do or say anything else, the others hesitantly settle back down. He lets go and straightens up, looking back at the other hashira, "We're going to sit here and wait for Oyakata-sama like civilized people," a pointed look at Sanemi, "Are we agreed upon?." When everyone murmurs in agreement he nods to Giyuu and kneels next to Sanemi, barricading him and the other hashira from Giyuu Tanjiro and Nezuko.
Giyuu finally stops growling and posturing, hesitating for a moment before turning and fretting over the two of them for a bit- they finally sit down when he calms. When Kagaya arrives hes immediately hit with the tension and thick fear-anger-stress scent filling the courtyard and asks what happened. Sanemi opens his mouth- Sabito slaps a hand under his chin and closes it again. Shinobu and Kyojuro pipe up, explaining that they were questioning the boy when Shinazugawa went ahead and stabbed the demon in the box, how Urokodaki stepped up and ...convinced everyone to sit back down. He finally brings out Sakonji's letter and asks everyone else to allow it like he did. Sanemi of course objects and asks to prove the demon's real nature. Giyuu immediately snaps at him to shut the fuck up- he's already done enough stabbing his fucking cub. Kagaya recognizes the gravity of the situation and offers Giyuu to come inside so he can check on her (and maybe possibly also show everyone else shes not so bad-). Giyuu quickly takes up the offer and pulls Tanjiro over with him in the far corner- Sabito follows them to the edge of the engawa and stands guard there between them and the other hashira.
Giyuu sits down in front of her box and gently opens it, little Nezuko crawling out and looking around for a moment. She sees the blood on Tanjiro's face and tries to wipe it off with her sleeve, Giyuu makes pointed eye contact with Sanemi and carefully cleans Tanjiro's face off. Nezuko patiently sits in his lap until he pats her head and inspects the damage to her clothes. The other hashira are talking, arguing maybe- he doesn't care enough to tell. "Shinazugawa, you owe me 5 yen." "The fuck do i owe you for jackass!?" "Thread, for the fucking HOLE you put through her-" "Ah!- Giyuu-san its fine!-"
Eventually its decided they'll let her live for now, "I also offer to take them in to the Butterfly Mansion, if that's okay with Tomioka-san." Giyuu notices the peace-offering look she gives him when she says that. "...I'll allow it.." Tanjiro herds Nezuko back into her box and Giyuu growls at the kakushi who try to pick up Nezuko's box. He puts the box on himself, Tanjiro tries to assure them he can walk on his own and immediately buckles when he puts pressure on his injured leg. Giyuu picks him up and carries the both of them out and to the butterfly mansion while Sabito stays for the rest of the meeting
#loserboy giyuu posting#neros art tag#abo sabigiyu surprise adoption au#giyuu dipped as soon as he could he did NOT want to stay around that mess any longer than he had to lmao#hes never been so junked up on adrenaline before- he dropped the two of them off in Aoi's care and went to run off the rest of it with a#few laps between the estate and the nearby village. grabbed some more thread while he was there#oh yeah i didnt talk about the mt natagumo scene w rui & shinobu#he was super panicky about possibly losing them to a lower moon so soon- he got there in time though and had that whole convo w tanjiro#abt not hesitating to slay demons- he was swayed by tanjiro and grabbed rui's clothes after he ran from shinobu. had em stuffed in his#sleeve the whole time- probably asked the btfy trio to wash it for him and gave it to tanjiro#tanjiro told him about the little family lower 5 was trying to make with the other demons- how he must've been trying to replace the family#he lost and going about it the wrong way given how happy the spider mother was to die. he smelled so profoundly *sad* when he was dying#giyuu gets why hes so sympathetic to demons like that. he doesnt really feel the same but he understands. hes just happy tanjiro found a#balance between his kind nature and his job as a slayer- he doesnt have to sacrifice his kindness and he doesnt have to sacrifice his *life#sabito eventually arrives w shinobu & fills giyuu in on the meeting stuff- they also talk about that little bit about 'his cub'#'what about it? they're ours now.' 'giyuu you cant just adopt-' 'i dont wanna hear that from you *urokodaki*' 'touche. they're ours now'#giyuu#tomioka giyuu#giyuu tomioka#sabito#kny sabito#sabito lives au#sabigiyuu#kamado tanjiro#kamado nezuko#originally it was supposed to just be a redraw but my obsession w sharp teeth won out#giyuu beloved#next im gonna try to draw somethin w giyuu original design#that fuckboy w the slutty gloves
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Someone that knows more about running a fundraiser than I do please help. I don't know how to unlock the gofundme for Hashem, and while it is easy for me to throw money at a problem, it is a lot harder to make my brain work when i am juggling all of the everything else in my life.
I have to save up scraps of energy and then they get eaten instantly by people. I'm so fucking tired. I don't know how to do anything is the issue. I just want to help people and I don't know how to do that.
Someone either break my brain into functionality or tell me what I need to do in simple steps that even a moron could follow.
#mechaffeine speaks#i need to get the money to Hashem and I can't even access it. i've half a mind to just send equal to what is in this fundraiser#from my own bank. and ask Falestine to find someone else to run this. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. is it that i used my prefered name?#are trans people allowed to use preferred names for the fundraiser and legal names for their accounts. is that my major fuckup???#or am I just an idiot. i don't know!! there is too much stuff going on here I don't even have the energy to talk to more than one person#why did i agree to this??? i'm a moron!!! Falestine would have had better luck with a total stranger than with my stupid self!!!#how do i do anything. how??? i'm not smart enough to do anything guys.#i am only a little bit of a panicky flighty birdbrain. there's too much going on for me to even have a proper freakout
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charmander is such a little sweetheart compared to bulbasaur and squirtle
#bwark#anipoke lb#like the way it gets kinda panicked at the idea of ash abandoning it like its previous trainer did.........#also not saying this to insult bulbasaur or squirtle i love that bulbasaur is like a grumpy old man and squirtle is a little menace#i completely forgot that all three of them had been abandoned and it's interesting the way they all react differently to the idea#with bulbasaur getting grouchy charmander getting panicky and squirtle covering it up with humour#this is really endearing me to the kanto starters. and i was already fond of squirtle because it was my first ever pokemon
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I'm trying really hard to not get emotional /neg
I will check back on the 22nd HOPEFULLY it will appear for the two cinemas here... GOD I fucking HOPE. I will actually be incredibly depressed if it never shows here- like YOU ALL KNOW how long I've waited you all know how much this is going to mean to me to see it.
#I dunno what to tag this as#defeated? Yeah- lets go with defeated for now. Fingers still crossed it pops up by the weekend...#or the very lastest the day its suppose to be in theatres perhaps there isnt advance for my city maybe it will just appear to get tickets#when it shows.. its hard not to feel emotional and a little okay A LOT panicky..
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#mhmhmmm let's not cry#not exactly E.D. stuff cs like uh idk#but i am a little weird about food? rather about not uh uhhh#doc says i need to be at 80kg before i can get top surgery. so i need to lose 9kg and stay there right?#i told my mum and she's#well she did have an e.d.#i think i panic cs i don't i can't counting calories and stuff i can't i don't i just it makes me panic to look at#i eat. a normal amount. but that is more than the daily recommended whatsit.#dad's losing weight now and is glad for it but he is doing that by eating one meal a day#i like beijg solid. i know im larger than bmi says i should be. i know part of this panicky cry is that i came on again today and that mak#makes me feel like shit like as well#but specifically all the tracking and counting and i mean there's a reason i don't own scales at all#like oh yeah it's a good thing make it a good thing in your head - how?! how.
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Vent under the cut
My sister and my mom are having a loud argument and I'm not liking it I wish Zooble were here with me :[
#negative#I don't understand why their fights scare me I don't undertsand#and now my mom is mad at me because I'm upset by the fighting#I'm cureently hiding in the laundry room. I'm scared#I ahye this I hat ethis so much I should be in Zooble's arms right now not ehre#I'm trying so ahr dnot rto panic but it's getting hard not to#I have ear plugs in so that's helping a little bit but I'm still shaky and panicky :(#I feel sick i don't like this#sorry to vent but. wow. I was not mentally okay enough to deal with this today
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Tony Soprano singing Dirty Work is everything to me...
#my first acid trip ever I ended up on my own#I started to get a little panicky and played Dirty Work about 100 times and it gave me such peace#it restored the sanctity of my mind from wicked and unseen forces#thank you forever Steely Dan
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i think when you kill off a character then the other characters should probably react in some way. especially if the other characters loved this dead character. so you can imagine my visceral rage to how nobody at all reacts to triton dying in doti. like.... nothing guys?? your cousin died right in front of you and nothing??? karnak has more dialogue and obvious concern for maximus than he does for triton. black bolt is the only one who acknowledges it in any capacity and all he does is write his name down, something he did for EVERY inhuman who died. why did none of them care about triton literally exploding.
#i know i talk about doti a lot for someone who hates it but also its fun to be a hater sometimes#and maybe if i yell for long enough i can get SOMEONE to agree with me on these things#karnak i think you forgot thats your brother. i think you forgot about that little fact karnak#i GET that medusa was injured and they were kind of panicky but not ONE of them shows any express grief for triton specifically#its just so. weird!! they SHOULD care about triton and the fact that he SACRIFICED himself for them!!!!#triton mander azur#karnak mander azur#blackagar boltagon
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sorry ive been a negative nancy abt ranger 1 so far, dont mean to be, but man im not looking forwards to the subtle misogyny in this series
#thats not just me right…..#like its not enough to say this series is misogynistic or anything bc i dont think it is#but i remember gs especially being weird about its female characters#that game 100% expected the player to be male imo bc ben is all over the marketing even more than summer#to the point he got both specials in the anime#and in the almia shoutout they reference the male player no matter which gender you picked#blue eyes doesnt get to be as relevant as red eyes and shes devalued as a threat and shoved out pretty quickly#and just like…… the way the companion character is written….. i think they fully expected summer to be the default#in that position#bc iirc the companion is constantly held hostage and is super emotional and panicky#and implied to have a sweet little crush on you and youre so brave compared to them#which is actually pretty awesome if you play as summer and the companion is ben#but yeah. i LOVE gs dont get me wrong its my favorite but….. yeah#also i remember almias got some weird stuff too but memory is more foggy there tbh#echoed voice
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ah yes! a new oc! i sure hope he does not get heartwrenching trauma right when he’s brought into this world!
#sel draws ^ ^#flatland OC#I am so sorry to pengo#he deserves the world#though that’s kind of.. ironic.. since im kind of drawing him all panicky…#he may get a story#little excerpts if anything#because I cannot write a good god long story for all I know#get him some help#he offers free hugs though reluctant and will shake (surprise surprise when you do hug him expect him to start crying out of surprise)
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so I talked to my reverend for advice on 😺 cause I just don't know how to deal with it anymore and I let them read her messages to me and they were like Zorya this is abusive. And that just like struck a cord. And I asked to change the subject bc i was getting upset and they were chill about it and I'm just like damn.
Its been over an hour and I'm sat here like what the fuck
#personal#For some reason this unlocked a childhood memory#Of like my priest not listening to me#Ah the catholic days/saga#...hell#But my rev was so serious and genuinely worried#And super nice when I was like I'm getting a little panicky can we change the topic#My inner child felt so validated when my rev was like talking to me about it wtf#Cries on main
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don’t know what part of my brain is missing that makes it a struggle to grasp anything that isn’t concrete or tangible or easily quantifiable but whenever i’m not like. fantasising about clawfoot tubbing myself i’m like “don’t think i’m depressed think this is just me having a normal one” and the normal one is me having this thought after having spent sixteen hours in bed mostly every day for like three years
#keep thinking about the way getting this traineeship would mean having to get up + leave the house five days a week#+ how that is a genuinely mildly scary prospect#having a lot of little bit panicky thoughts about the future lately#like how one day my mum will die + besides my brother that’s my family gone#and my brother and i are not a good terms presently#then have been thinking about being nearly thirty + having never been in any kind of romantic situation#which is objectively incredibly odd#and then also being thirty and just being a trainee#or unemployed if i don’t cut it for the traineeship#it just kind of feels like there is too much wrong with me + that i’m only really existing until i end up kms#am not soup is idol or anything so no sweat it just feels like that’s where my life is leading#like i’ve never considered actually properly living#if that makes sense?#anyways#things are weird but ok so that’s a win#personal
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I have two weeks to finish my thesis... please tell me I can do it! and then successfully defend it...
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I do relate to olivia rodrigo in some ways for example I did have nightmares each week (every day for months) after that phone call in may (march). I fantasize (once every other blue moon) about a time where you're a little fucking sorry. except I do not hold my undying love (there is not even an iota of love, if there ever was) like a grudge and also I will never ever forgive bc you were indeed filled with vitriol. and unfortunately I also cannot let it go. it was six months (three years) of torture. I did NOT love you truly and I cannot laugh at the stupidity. I may have made some real big mistakes but you do indeed make the worst one look fine. like..............
#sorry i know this is cringe and something i should just journal about#ive just had a very shitty day and also kinda week#ive just been tired and lethargic for no clear reason for the past five days and it's very frustrating#bc i have homework due tomorrow that ive barely made any progress on#and i kinda rly need an A in this class to maintain my gpa. so if one bad week means i tank this assignment and get a B in this class#oh dread. unspeakable unsurmountable dread#also i went on a walk in the park w my mom which i haven't done in a bit and i just was unable to stop thinking#about my high school demon of a boyfriend who lives nearby. altho he literally never goes outside i sometimes get rly freaked out#and panicky that i might see him and have to deal with him again. like he did call (AND TEXT?!?🤢) me last march#and i was having nightmares for months after and feeling so paranoid that he might randomly show up at my house one day#bc that's the kind of shit he used to do regularly when we were dating to keep me from breaking up w him#and like ughhhhhhhhhh it just makes me so upset bc he literally would have the audacity.#it's just upsetting. i am soooo nonviolent as a person but when i think of him i suddenly feel not very nonviolent#again my apologies i know this should be journaled about instead. sorry u had to see all this#feel free not to read these tags like this is just for me. apologies.#while im here some other songs that make me think of him include would've could've should've. atw10 but only the terrible parts#uhh better by myself by hey violet is incredibly on the nose#also it's actually just a rly great song. also get out of my life by little hurt. okay im done now.#gonna go find something funny and cute to watch. maybe little witch academia.#sorry if u read all this 😵💫
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im in my last year and thinking about life after college makes me want to dieeeeee
#not literally i am not depressed#but it makes me a little panicky and a little existential#I hear people constantly talking about their job hunting struggles#and look at myself... a person who hasnt had any interesting internships#or extracurriculars or whatever#in 20 years that stuff wont matter but its about getting your foot in the door right#and if I dont do it fast enough then ill get old and people wont want me and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#i need to stop
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