#and i fucking love ted lasso don't get it twisted

[dandylion-s]

In what world is season 3 of ted lasso worthy of best comedy??? Like...emmanuel...emmy...baby be serious...

[lolahasmoxie]

you don't need to say anything (j.t)

I finally finished Ted Lasso this summer, and oh man, was I not prepared to fall in love with Jamie Tartt. This takes place after S2E8 Man City.

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x Physio Reader

Length:

Warnings: mentions of child abuse, but there is comfort. I just want to hug our little Mancunian bean.

You sighed heavily as you approached the bus idling in the stadium parking lot. You were trying to erase the images from your mind of Jamie striking his father and his father ready to knock his own son's teeth out in return. You see Roy by the door, arms crossed across his chest.

"Oy," his gruff voice called out to you.

"Sorry," you offer an apology. "Had to make sure that we have all our medical equipment."

"Tartt's not here," Roy says curtly.

"What do you mean he's not here?"

"I mean," he says as he steps closer to you. "we're at the bus, and Jamie is fucking not."

"Shit," you reply as you sigh again.

"Isaac said he last saw him in the locker room." He gives you a look, waiting for you to put the pieces together.

"Why can't you do it?"

"Because I'm not the one he has fucking heart eyes over." You immediately cringe, not only at the implication that he knows you have a soft spot for Jamie but that his volume has alerted the entire bus to that fact.

"Don't tease." You say quietly, and Roy's expression softens slightly.

"Just go find him so we can get the fuck home." You give Roy the finger as you head back inside Wembley. You flash your badge to an older gentleman, telling him you forgot a bag. He smiles at you as he waves you inside. There's another sigh as you think about the man you're being sent to retrieve.

When you had come to Richmond with Ted and Beard, you and Jamie had hated each other on sight. He was a massive prick to everyone, and when he came in for treatments, it wasn't unusual for you to go harder than you needed to just because you could.

There may have been a moment after the bonfire to clear the hex from the treatment room. You had wanted it to be a moment, but there was never a chance to explore it further because Jamie was sent back to Manchester the next day without a word to you.

Then, just as quickly, he was back. You had steeled yourself for his cruel tongue and prickish attitude, but when he found you in the med room, the first words out of his mouth were an apology. And it was a real one, too. You had just stood there stunned before you could speak. After that, you couldn't help but fall for him more each day.

You stood outside the locker room doors, taking a deep breath before opening the door and poking your head inside. There Jamie sat, elbows on his knees, head resting in his hands. He had changed into sweats, his Gucci slides on his feet. You knocked gently, watching as his head popped up. You try to ignore the short flash of fear in his eyes before he realizes it is only you.

"Roy sent me," He nodded, and when he didn't speak, you quietly walked into the empty room. "You alright?"

"No," he says shortly, avoiding your eye contact. "You know what's funny? As a kid, I only wanted my dad to be there. All my friends had a dad; why couldn't mine be there? Then, when I got good, he showed up. Then I wondered why couldn't he be like the other dads." You said nothing; just sat next to him while he sniffled quietly.

"I really don't know what to say to you," you admit honestly. "I'm just sorry that you had to go through that." Jamie nods before his lip begins to quiver anew. You didn't hesitate to guide him to you, and Jamie didn't hesitate to follow. Your torsos twist as you let him hug you, his arms around your waist as he buries his face into your neck. Your arms wind around his neck, and one of your hands rests in his walnut mist hair.

His body, which feels so solid in your hold, eventually relaxes and melts into yours. His tears are wet against your skin, his hands balling your shirt into his fists as he tries to make sense of the evening. He's holding you like you're a lifeline, and you let him because he deserves one, after all. Eventually, his tears slow, and his hold loosens ever so slightly.

Your heart nearly stops when he pulls back to look at you, gray eyes searching your own as he studies you before he leans in and gently rests his forehead against yours, a content sigh leaving his lips. Your hand caresses his cheek of its own accord, and when your thumb grazes over his cheek, you can swear that he begins to purr in contentment.

"We should probably go, right?"

"That or Roy will send out a search party." You have a slight smile when you stand to face Jamie. "C'mon, we'll be home soon."

It could be your mind playing tricks, but you could swear that Jamie's eyes light up when reach out a hand, and it takes a heartbeat before he's taking it with his own. You try to focus on something other than how well your hand fits into his.

When you approach the bus Roy of course, says it's about fucking time. But there's no real anger there. He pats Jamie on the shoulder as you both climb aboard, and it's then that you notice that Dani and Isaac, whom you and Jamie had respectively sat with on the way to Wembley, are now sitting together. Which conveniently leaves two unoccupied seats at the back of the bus.

The bus is quiet; most of the lads are either asleep or listening to music. When you pass Ted and Beard, they both give you a knowing look, and it's then that you realize that Jamie is still holding your hand. He pulls you to the back and offers you the window seat. He takes just a moment to make himself comfortable before he rests his head on your shoulder and takes your hand in his.

"You know," he begins softly as the bus pulls out of the stadium. "I may be reading this whole situation wrong, but would you want to come over? For sleep," he adds quickly. "I just can't stomach being alone tonight."

You imagined this scenario in many ways as you ran a thumb over the back of Jaime's hand. You were pleasantly surprised that this was better than anything your mind had previously conjured.

"Sleep," you say as you bring his hand up to your lips to kiss his knuckles. "Sleep, and we'll talk in the morning." When you turn to look at Jamie, he has a blush on his cheeks and a smile that could light up London. There's a quick kiss on your forehead before he places his head back on your shoulder, shuffling to make himself more comfortable as the bus merges on the highway to take you home.

You both are asleep within minutes, not hearing the hushed giggles of the team or the sound of phone cameras clicking as they revel in the fact that you two are finally on the verge of becoming something. Dani, in particular, can't help but smile fondly at the picture he's taken, noting how your bodies are turned towards each other with mirrored expressions of contentment. He will wait until tomorrow to send it to Jamie. After all, it would be a shame to wake you both right now.

[kvetchinglyneurotic]

🌹🌹🌹🌹 for whenever needed :)

I wrote this in a haze last night when I should have been sleeping and I'm not sure if I'll ever expand it into a proper fic, so I'm sticking it here. Part of it is under the cut because it's a) long and b) is about Jamie's Amsterdam story

Roy makes it about a week before it all comes spilling out. They've been playing shit, 'cause Lasso may have rediscovered Total Football but he sure as shit hasn't rediscovered how to coach it, and if he's being perfectly fucking honest neither has Roy. Or maybe he would, if fucking when I was fourteen... didn't keep playing on loop in his head. He picks Jamie up from his front door every day and he's grinning, bouncing around like the chipper twat he is, twenty-five and whole, and all Roy can think about is the twiggy kid he had been, hair stuck up in every direction and mud smeared on his shins. He'd dug up pictures, is the thing, that first night back — got home aching and more exhausted than he'd been after a full ninety minutes back in his player days, and instead of going to sleep he'd dug around through the depths of City's website, through a mountain of those bullshit player profiles he refused to do but Jamie loved, 'til he found a picture of the Man City 2010 U16s. Recognized Jamie right away, the big dark eyes and prickish smirk and long sleeves 'cause the muppet always got cold. And he was a fucking child. A tiny, scrawny little lad, must've been one of the youngest on the team the way most of the others dwarfed him. No one could ever have mistaken him for an adult, not that it would've been any less abjectly fucking horrifying if he'd looked like a full-grown man by the age of thirteen.

Ted corners him in the office. Or rather, Ted knocks on the door while he's got his head in his hands and the lights off, same as he has every evening since Amsterdam. Pokes his head in with his jacket already on and his bag slung over his shoulder, says, "You know I'm always ready for a late night special on the go session of the Diamond Dogs but if sitting in the dark's what gets your brain juices going, I can respect that. Just make sure to skeddaddle on out of here before our good friends over in maintenance come lock up; I love this place but a night with a locker room aroma ain't to anyone's taste," and Roy says, "Jamie told me he was raped in Amsterdam." They both freeze, Ted in the doorway with that stupid folksy smile still fixed on his face, Roy with his elbows planted on the desk and his fingers twisted through his hair. He feels sick. Jamie's already been violated and now Roy's gone and done it again, just fucking spilled his private trauma without permission 'cause he couldn't handle it. "What?" Ted asks, breathless. "He told you— he was— he told you in Amsterdam, or it happened—" "Fucking both," Roy grinds out. "Oh." Ted's gone so pale he's almost grey. "He seemed fine on the bus." "Not when we were there." Roy says. "I mean, he told me when we were there. Happened when he was fourteen. Don't think he knows that's what—" he sucks in a deep breath, not that it does jack shit to make him feel better. "But it is. That's what happened, and now I don't know what the fuck to do."

[ktchie]

Jason/Ted has done something to majorly piss you off so a night of femdom/teasing/edging is needed to teach him a lesson 😈

'Just you'

Sub!Ted x Reader

Smut, Angst and Fluff

♡other tags: blow jobs, submissive!Ted Lasso, tooth rotting fluff, heart wrenching Angst, porn with a light plot.

♤2.5k wordw

◇Ted made you jealous, a little punishment wouldn't hurt would it?

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"Youre not crying are you, darling?" You asked mockingly, cruelly, and chuckling when Ted shook his head quickly - eyes closed and jaw clenched.

You gripped his cock in your palm, wet and loud with each movement. He shudders and writh under your hold, gasping with heaving chest and sweaty throat.

"P-please!" He cried, looking at you before falling back down again on the bed, mouth agape. "L-let me cu-cum! I'm..im-fuck!"

You chuckled once again, twisting your hand onto the head, stimulating the nerve under the tip of his cock - it made him moaned louder, messier, made his toes curl and eyes rolled back. "Youre adorable, you really think I would let you?"

"Oh please.." he begged weakly, lips almost trembling and he never look more beautiful. "H-honey please, i-im sorry-mgh shit!- please!" His thighs shook and his stomach tighten, his moaning got louder, whimpering pathetically at every second. 

His cock was soak with his own precum, wet with every pump. It made your mouth water but the fury inside your chest burn much deeper.

You grin before you removed your hand off his leaking cock, watching amusely as he sob.

"D-darlin" he whined, back arching - chasing the feeling of pleasure that had been cruelly yank from him. "Please..please.."

He looked at you with big eyes, wet with tears, pathethic and saddening.

He reached for you but you did not let him get closed, he whimpered lowly - hurt.

"Please honey? Can you..can you.." he bit his lip, he didn't even know what to ask, what to say, he wanted so many things from you, whether it be a kiss, a hug or a touch on his throbbing cock. He wanted it all and yet his tounge lay motionless on the roof of his mouth.

"Can I what?" You titled your head, watching as his throat bob and his eyes beg.

"..Kiss?" He settled with one word, doing his best to show you that he's desperate for it. "Please? I-ill be..ill be good for ya'"

"Ah yes, you will wouldn't you? Told me that earlier before you went off to talk to some woman and make me jealous"

Ted frowned and for a second you thought he's going to sob again. "I-i was- I was being a fool, I wanted to make you jealous cause i thought it would be fun but i- I was wrong"

"Of course you would say that, I mean look at you" you gestured to himself. "Laying on my bed with your cock red and leaking, pathetic"

Ted shook his head "you don't have to touch it anymore, love. You can just- can just leave me 'ere, but please don't be mad, please I was- i was a dumbass. I just wanted to-" he swallowed, his eyes suddenly not meeting your own.

"Just wanted to see how..how important i was to you and it was-it was dumb and I shouldn't have went to her but it just-i dont know, I just wanted to see.. I shouldn't have than that"

And God fucking dammit how can you be angry at him more?

"I wouldn't do it again, promise" he looked up to you then, big eyes so earnest and so hopeful and it does things to a woman like you.

"Ya dont hav'ta touch me anymore..I don't.. I don't care about it, you can just play with me and not let me finish and ill be okay but just..honey, please..dont be mad at me" he reach for your hand, the one you had used earlier to grip his throat. He pulled it slowly to his cheeks and press a kiss on the palm, all while looking at you like you hold the key to end his suffering. "Im sorry, please."

You clenched your jaw and lightly cursed, you can't fucking believe this, Ted literally have you dancing on his hand, you think you would burn the whole world if he ask this nicely.

"Youre killing me, sweetheart" you sealed your words with a passionate kiss on his wet mouth, hand now gripping his hair and pulling it. Groaning when he shudder underneath you. "You're a pain the ass, you know that? I couldn't even be mad at you properly without wanting to tell you how much I love you"

Ted, sweet sweet Ted, grinned so big, cheeks flushing red with your words as if he wasn't naked underneath you with his cock poking your ass. "I love you too"

"Dumbass" you leaned into him again, kiss him like you would never had a chance again, you captured every breath with your own mouth, swallowing anything he can offer and taking anything he can give. You lick his tounge, suck it and bit his lip. You groaned when he groaned and moaned when he moaned. He's getting needy now, humping you lightly, thighs almost trembling.

"Want to cum?" You asked lowly on his lips and Ted slowly opened his eyes, staring at you silently.

"Speak, baby." You peck his neck "Come on, tell me"

He moaned and gripped your hips tightly "d-dont know, up to ya'"

You chuckled "so if I say I don't want to and get up, you're not gonna be pissy all afternoon?"

"No" he answered quickly, the hands on your hips now settling on your back and pushing you slowly into him, embracing you with a sigh.

"Told ya', i dont care 'bout it anymore, I just want you to forgive me" he buried his face into your neck and sniff a little, it broke your heart, shattered it into a million pieces

"I thought you're gonna leave me" he whispered so lowly you almost thought it was nothing but a passing wind but once the words settled in your brain you feel like crying too.

"Oh honey.." you gripped him tight and you kinda want to hit your head on the wall for even doing this, for yelling at him, of course Ted would cry, would be so emotional, many people had left him before, many of those are the people he had never thought would leave him without looking back. He would still woke up at night with a cry of his father's name on his mouth and would still wonder how he can never be enough. You hate yourself a little more..

"Gosh, when you-when you ask to go home earlier I thought you're gonna leave me, that once we got back to the flat you'll pack up and leave" he sniff once again and you feel a little wetness on your neck.

"That you-that you would leave me and..I-i was so nervous because I couldn't loose ya', i-i just couldn't, I was prepared to do anythin' y'know? Beg on my knees or-or anythin' just to make you stay.." he gripped you more tighter, pulling you more closer, you thread your fingers into his hair and peck him on the side of his head. "I couldn't loose ya' y/n, I wouldn't.. I wouldn't know what to do"

"Shhh" you lightly pulled away and cradle his face in your palm, you wiped the tears that shed on his cheeks and kiss his forehead lightly. "Im not going to leave you, I would never, I love you so much okay? I'm sorry"

"No you don't gotta apologis-"

"No, I'm sorry" you caressed his cheeks, staring at him heatedly. "I shouldn't have..fuck, I shouldn't have done this, shouldn't have yell at you. I wish we just talk and did not let my frustration got the better of me-"

"'S okay, I understand why you're upset"

"Yes, but I should have still thought about what you would feel before I yell at you or, christ, push you in the bed and..y'know"

He smiled then and even with tears on his face it was still as pretty as ever. "'S okay, I like it"

You grinned at him and peck his nose. "Im sorry"

"Im sorry too"

You both kissed again, slower this time. Filled with love and adoration and promises that left unsaid. You sighed into his mouth before you went and kiss his neck, he shudder lightly. "Stay still, yeah?"

"Okay" he nodded his head obediently.

"Good boy" he moaned loudly on that one, cock twitching.

"You like it when I say that hm?"

Ted nod, breath broken. His tummy moved heavily underneath your palm, your fingers lightly tracing the hair depicted on his belly button.

"My good boy" you place a kiss on his collar bone. "My best boy" you peck at his throat and Ted's breath hitched, and the grip on his bedsheets tighten before you met his eyes, dark and soft and so utterly fucked out. "My love.." you kissed the spot right where his heart lay and grinned when he shudders.

Your hands went to his hips before you went down slowly, placing kisses on every skin you can reach until you're face to face with his cock, fat and thick with a large vein underneath. It dribbles with slick, dripping on his tummy staining his skin and you hummed before you licked it, gracing the tip of his dick teasingly.

Ted moaned loudly, almost like a sob.

"You have the prettiest cock I've ever seen, sweetheart" you grinned when he blush, eyes half lided and mouth agape as he looked down on you. "Pretty fucking thing, sweet too" you licked it once again and you heard him gasp.

"P-please" he whimpered, hand on your arm gently. "I cant-i can't take it anymore, please can you..oh god"

He shook when you took him all the way, fat head hitting the back of your throat. His thighs trembled and his back arched, chest sweaty and mouth chasing his breath.

"O-oh fuck! ho-honey" he whined, closing his eyes tightly as you twirled your tounge on his cock, drool dripping from the corner of your mouth and to his heavy balls.

You pulled away with a slurp, breathing heavy before you pump his wet cock quickly.

"Nghhh!" He jerked when your thumb traced his slit, stomach tightening.

"Feels good?" You ask, mesmerized on the way he looks at the moment. Blury eyes wet and looking like there's no thought on his head. "Words, Ted"

"'S good" he had slurred, closing his eyes and pushing his nose sideways on the pillow. "So-so good"

You grinned, hand slithering its way on his nipples before you flick it lightly, watching him jerked and cried out. "You look so handsome getting fucked by me"

Ted nodded his head, agreeing.

"Just ya" he mummbled "just for ya"

"Yeah? You like being handsome for me?"

"Mhm hm" he nodded his head, hips thrusting to chase for your palm, mouth agape. "Love being handsome f'you, haa fuck~" he whined when touch his heavy balls, playing with it as he shudders and shudders and a tear fell down on his eyes.

"Even with tears in your eyes you look good" you stated, pecking his cheeks before you went down once again, blowing a wind on his aching cock before you took it whole in your mouth.

Ted chocked out and arch his back, pushing it further into your warm mouth. "Ha~ oh plea-please!""

You hummed on his cock, bobbing your head up and down, nails digging on his thighs.

"Takin' me so deep, oh god h-honey" he threw his head back and groaned, exposing his throat. He briefly thrusted up, making you gag. Your eyes rolled back, you can feel your own wetness on your pants.

" 'm close, 'm close" he keeps repeating, you reach for his hand and place it at the back of your head. Encouraging him to use you like a toy, fuck your mouth like he owns it and make a mess on your throat. "I-i dont know, i- fuck!- don' wanna hurt ya-"

You rolled your eyes before pushing your head further into his cock, swallowing it and licking its length. As if saying you can handle it and Ted had actually nodded, eyes blazing with fire.

He put both of his palm on each of your cheeks, lifting your head lightly before he started thrusting up quickly, hitting the back of your throat over and over and over again mercilessly, even when drool drips and you lightly choke.

"F-fuck, ya look so fuckin' pretty" his words were so filthy but he had whined it, as if he couldn't take it. "S-so pretty with my cock in yer mouth, mhmm" he let go off one of your cheek and took a hold of your hair. " 'm gonna fuck it good, yeah?" He thrusted rather harshly "Thats what ya wa-want ain't that right?" He grinned, lazy and fucked out.

He cried out, closing his eyes before he used the grip in your hair to rapidly moved you up and down on his throbbing cock.

"Oh god" He let go of you lightly to help you breath but not even a word in youre back again on his dick, choking on it like you're meant to do so.

You're soaking at this point, your stomach tingling and your head mushy.

"F-feel so good" he had sobbed

"Feel So warm" he had followed, his pace slowing down. Dragging your own head onto his cock in a phase that you could savour his own slick before it can even drip down.

You moaned lowly before pulling his cock off your mouth, Ted whined once again before you went to his lips and kiss him, slowly, adoringly, as if pouring your own heart into it.

Your hand reach for his cock, hard and thick that you couldn't even properly grasped it.

"Mhmm" he moaned in to your mouth before you pulled away, pushing his face in your neck as you stroke him.

" 'm 'bout too, m 'bou too, o-oh god" he whimpered, pushing his face further and holding onto you for dear life.

"Let go for me" you replied, breath hot on his ears. "Be a good boy and cum on my hand"

Ted nod his head, moaning and shuddering. He grips your hips, humping your hand.

"H-honey" he whined, breath warmth and broken.

"I know" you cooed, your hand going faster. "Feels good yeah?" You pecked his shoulder

"My good boy..I love you"

He cried out on that one, going rigid as he spilled onto your hand with a loud moan followed by a whine and a sob. He trembled and his cum seems to not stop, it was warm and thick and he gripped on you tight as if you would slipped away.

"There we go, there's my good boy" you cooed at him, pulling away lightly to kiss his neck and cheeks. "My beautiful boy, you look so good"

"T-too much" he whispered, getting away from your still pumping hand and you chuckled before you pulled it away. Wiping his cam with a rag you keep on the bedside all while staring at him heave and blush from the orgasm.

"You okay?"

He nodded his head, half lided eyes open to look at you.

"Feels amazin', like I'm floating"

"Yeah?" You grinned and peck his lips, he chased for it as you pulled away. "Lets get you clean up, then dinner okay?"

Ted nod his head, smiling like he was under some drug.

"M'kay, love you. Just you"

You grinned so big you think your whole face would tear apart.

"I love you too, darling. Just you"

[beingfacetious]

please give us the correct negative Ted lasso review

Oh my God. This feels like a trap but I can't help it

update from the other side, this is no joke 2k words long and it's not uh happy lmao so dead dove do not eat

TL;DR:

Bill Lawrence's involvement lessened every season and it fuckin' shows

There were arcs and plot points established over the first two seasons that the writers very obviously just changed their minds about for this season

Takes about this season being dark/ending sad on purpose are MUCH too generous. like giving WAY too much credit.

It turns out most of my feelings boil down to "it's not aggressively bad it's just nonsensical"

How tf was every episode twice as long as in previous seasons but everything important happened offscreen

FIRST OF ALL, since MONTHS before the season started airing, I've nursed a conspiracy theory that Bill Lawrence left the show because of creative differences with Jason Sudeikis and that therefore this season would be significantly less good than previous seasons. This started when I saw Bill tweet that he was going home, basically, and I figured we'd get "season 3 is in post" news shortly thereafter but instead there was that weird stuff about things being delayed because of rewrites...? Anyway, that is mostly to say that I was ready to think this season was worse because I love Bill Lawrence's storytelling and have forever and you should give Cougar Town a shot if you haven't yet it's no Scrubs but it's sweet

There were interviews early in the show in which I swear Jason/Brendan/whoever said they pitched the show to Bill because he's fuckin' good at TV and he basically said "this is a great idea but you're writing to the wrong ending, it should be this," and they were like "wow you're right that is a better ending." I can't find that now but I did find this from a more recent Bill interview:

I ran that show the first year because Jason was still shooting movies while we were doing the writers room. Then, at the end of that year, much like Gary with me, I was like, “Ah, I’ll spend a couple of months teaching him how to edit.” But after like a day or two, he’s like, “Yeah, I got it.” (Laughs.) So, the second year, we ran it together, and I’m only able to do other things now because that guy ran the show himself the third year, as it should be. It’s his voice and his world this season.

Now look, Bill Lawrence is obviously not trying to throw shade here because he's lovely and also this is a Hollywood Reporter article and how immature would that be, but I can throw shade for him and I will: Jason Sudeikis is a talented comedic actor and seems like a very nice man and he had a good idea for a show, and his instincts to involve an extremely experienced showrunner with an insane talent for feelsy found family sitcoms were good and he should have stuck to them!! Telling Bill Lawrence you're good after two days of editing instruction or whatever is stupid!! Insisting on your voice and your world when BILL LAWRENCE'S VOICE IS AVAILABLE TO YOU and also you CO-CREATED THE WORLD whatever gdi

OK fine I'll do Ted/Rebecca next. Obviously I was in for Ted/Rebecca. I wanted them to put their faces together. But look, I'm not a shipper over all else; over all else I want a good storyteller to tell me the story they want to tell. If I expect things or see them coming, that's not bad! That's good! If I'm surprised by things, that's good too as long as it holds together! "Subverting expectations" shouldn't look like spiting the audience, a lie is not a twist, etc. SO. If Ted and Rebecca were meant to be platonic soulmates, that's fine!!! I don't NEED them to kiss!!! But I do not believe these people are even friends in season 3, after season 1 and tbh most of my favorite parts of season 2 were about how much they impact each other's lives. That's a dropped ball and there's NO REASON to have not made time for them to interact meaningfully because every episode was so fucking long. Instead I guess we had to know how super sad Rebecca was about not being able to have children but not need to talk to anyone about it and immediately be fully over it. Also see a lot of lingering shots of Rebecca...looking at a matchbook...

sfjbkfgs early in the season they very obviously established that Rebecca's arc was going to be realizing she actually loves the team and wants to support them and see them succeed because of her own heart and not to spite Rupert, and I guess that happened but why didn't it happen gradually in ways I could see, why did it happen in an episode in which I'm supposed to have known all along that this has to do with her childhood self ?? and in which Rupert has a FULL personality change to facilitate her sudden realization. In what fucking world would he invite her to that meeting, because she's smart or because she brings ~diversity or because maybe he wants to sleep with her again? None of it tracks at all lmao but it was also the episode in which I really enjoyed Tony Head so whatever

speaking of not tracking, Nate.........I've never been invested in Nate especially but he was SO cartoonishly evil at the start and then kind of never again. I was braced for a redemption arc I wouldn't care about but that didn't even really happen?? he got a girlfriend and realized Rupert was a bad role model? it turns out his dad thinks he was a prodigy and always just wanted him to be happy, which, lmao WHAT where????? and what am I supposed to believe about Jade changing her mind about him btw because she's seen people be terrible to him at that very table before AND she has to know he loves the place and the food because he's there all the time, so what was the revelation that turned her from relatable-via-Nate-ambivalence to suddenly heart-eyes just fdslelugatw so much of my feeling about this season isn't even like it's bad it's just it's nonsense

One of my big complaints about the season is just Keeley's whole deal. Separating her from the team/rest of the cast was a wild choice. Barbara is fine but I also would have been perfectly fine without her and none of the other new characters for the PR side story added anything to the show. Especially if at the end Rebecca is just going to write Keeley a check for the chump change she needs to run the agency. Why didn't we just do that to begin with??? I guess this season I'm supposed to think Keeley ~learned to be independent in various ways but, again, I don't ?? And her needing to not be with Roy I guess as part of that and then get back together offscreen but then not really be together maybe but then also possibly having throuple vibes later that never get acknowledged feels, whatever, like something Bill Lawrence didn't write sdfjlsefaj,lwte I know this is my unsupportable argument that post I RBed was making fun of but idc

also Jamie wanting to be with Keeley at the end of the show feels extremely Harry Potter epilogue to me lmao Jamie you don't have to marry someone you went to high school with there are so many people

Roy was fine this season. He didn't have much to do but that's probably for the best lol. Him taking Ted's job is probably the only main character ending I feel like makes sense for this season and the overall show. Him training and begrudgingly becoming friends with Jamie was always funny.

OK one of the wrong reviews was basically like if you don't appreciate this season you don't appreciate classic tragic structure. Fuck off with that. First of all this was a sitcom about soccer so even if they were going for a classic tragedy in season 3 that's stupid and they shouldn't have been. But I also just don't think that's what was happening ??? I think I'm supposed to believe everyone gets a happy ending and I just don't. Like the whole oh it's sad that Ted ends up where he started and it's about how persistent optimism and kindness can burn you out or whatever, that's...if that's what they were going for, again, why tf, and also could we have seen that like. at all. Ted barely Teds for anyone this season (frex the previously mentioned never talking to Rebecca). ROY Teds more than Ted in season 3. If we got to see Ted trying to Ted even, like, twice, and either not being able to dig down and find the positivity or I guess noticing that he needs someone to be that for him, OK, fine. A Ted/Keeley scene would have been a PERFECT vehicle for this. Didn't happen. idk if we're supposed to think he's getting back together with Michelle but that would be so...so bad ??? like what about Tan Lines??? why even have Tan Lines??? even if not, we just left completely unaddressed her starting a relationship with their marriage counselor, which is also BAD lmao. God why did I have to see so much of Michelle this season. Michelle video calls every other episode and two lines for Dr. Sharon. Nonsense. lol one of my friends summarized Ted's ending as "yeah going back to the unfulfilling life that didn't work before the show started is a victory for our protagonist"

Even the soccer of it all re that whole thing was silly. Oh marriage counselor boyfriend is a bad guy because he doesn't care about the soccer game. Oh Ted is happy now because he's coaching Henry's rec league soccer team. like it's fine that EVERYONE is still together in Richmond but he's "home" now and still around soccer which is good because we definitely saw him learn to love soccer during the course of the show. sure Jan

(to be fair I am not the audience for "it's about the kid" plots so even if I felt like it worked from the start of the show for Ted to choose moving back to where Henry is, which I don't, I wouldn't care for it, so maybe those criticisms aren't especially valid) (I didn't care about JD's kid either)

speaking of the soccer though every single scene that revolved around the actual soccer team was essentially perfect. Great use of so many of those boys. Very few notes. Sam in particular had a few nice things this season and of course Colin. Another incorrect review by a critic I actually like very much was complaining about Colin's story this season and it being tired and overdone and not caring about Trent's or Isaac's parts of it, but I actually really disagree! It was well done and it was nice to see in the context of professional sports where, sorry, coming out and being received well is not a cliche thing that happens a lot! Also, hot take! Zava was a good part of this season! Nice contained little story that impacted some characters I actually care about plus he was legit funny! Sometimes things in a comedy should be funny! I'd honestly watch three more seasons of Richmond-focused half-hour episodes with idk probably Brett Goldstein in charge

I haven't mentioned Beard because I just never understood what I was supposed to think about him lmao. By far the funniest character overall but I never felt settled on whether he was meant to be a manic pixie comic relief BFF or if he was like...a real person?? It strikes me as potentially bad that he was so worried about Ted's mental state all the time and never really mentioned his own and that was sort of a thing in the weird s2 episode but then not again? I felt so much ire about so much else I didn't have any for him marrying Jane lmao but I do understand the people who are upset about that because that sure seemed pretty toxic, but wasn't it supposed to be played for laughs? Does that fit in a show that's supposed to mainly be about people treating each other well because we're all we've got? idk, RIP Beard, sorry your best friend in the world wasn't at your wedding because it would have been narratively underwhelming to see him leave and then see him back at a future major event or whatever

idk idk, season 1 Rebecca was one of my favorite characters ever and I was so angry in the middleish of the season about how much I felt like she was being wasted, but by the end I was just like...I mean, what's to be mad at. She's not even her anymore. Ted wasn't Ted anymore. Nate I guess literally reverted back to season 1 Nate which also is that...okay...him ending up lower than he started out feels not great

Good for Mae and the bar boys though, used just the right amount this and every season and always a damn delight

OK this is ridiculous I'm going to be done now. I do want to say I enjoyed several episodes this season a lot! A couple top 10 potentials! I really enjoyed the Amsterdam one actually because it reminded me of like a Nancy Meyers movie, very nice and warm, but it feels worth noting that that is not a feeling I would describe as being struck by fucking lightning :))))))

in conclusion maybe we as a nation can move on now from giving SNL alumni we find charming huge budgets and ethereally talented casts and collaborators and letting them get us emotionally invested in their midlife crises sandbox playing

[time-is-restored]

ted lasso 3x11

got through the latest episode tonight, below are unassorted ramblings abt a kansas ending (which i, despite being almost certain is where the show is heading, am still ardently rooting against):

so i was talking a little with my family abt the extremely likely kansas ending*, and was mentioning how much i really don't vibe with it. i said smth like 'i mean, what's even there for him in kansas?' to which they said (fairly, and rightfully!) 'his son!'. like, that's a pretty bulletproof argument, so i guess im just writing this to figure out why i feel like even that isn't. idk. enough?

[*though if that is the ending, what's the point of the cliffhanger? it's the most obvious + expected outcome, how would it be a 'reveal'? idk, some part of me is still praying for one of those classic Twists™ ig]

like. we've known that ted has a kid since day one. we've known that he loves + misses that kid since day one. according to the text, the number one reason ted left kansas was as a last ditch effort to save his marriage, by giving michelle as much space as humanly possible. they were divorced by the middle of the season, and ted chose to stay at the end.

so like. idk. am i missing something? did he just stay bc he felt an obligation to the team? and now that they're doing well (absurdly, breaking the bounds of belief well), he feels okay moving on? like many ppl have already pointed out, that's a pretty standard plot line in these kind of stories: the mary poppin's style exit stage right. but, say ted goes home (potentially even without beard???? agh??). what's happened to him, these past few seasons? what's different now?

like, it kind of feels like im only gonna be hurt by reading in between the lines here, but kansas doesn't seem to hold a lot of good associations for ted w/o the bedrock of his + michelle's marriage. he's reduced to a morose, spaced out mess within 5 minutes of talking with his mother, he very nearly goes through the Extremely fucked up move of paying someone to spy on michelle after seeing her + jake together for an afternoon, and ofc if anything even remotely reminds him of his dad he gets triggered really badly.

and of course, maybe the idea is 'well, he's started to cope with that all now, and he's starting to talk openly with his mum + grieve his dad, so he has the tools to return' but like. does he???? his support system are EXTREMELY london based. setting aside sharon since he could always telehealth w her, all of the positive progress he's made in his 'home' life seem to exclusively come after he talks w his support group at richmond.

he ended up admitting he was mad at michelle after speaking with the diamond dogs, he was pulled out of his obsessive spiral by rebecca, and he was able to put words to his feelings abt his mum by talking w jamie. to be clear, those are all massively positive things for ted to have done, and i think they at least make a good case for ted progressive positively w his mental health (even if its all gotten a bit tell don't show in this last season). but like. what happens when all that's on the other side of an ocean?

to be clear, from the perspective of real life, it absolutely makes sense that ted would want to return to his son. but on a narrative level, im just. i feel like im being expected to take certain things about ted + henry's relationship for granted, when the text itself hasn't even tried to make those things apparent.

is henry miserable or even generally upset when he has to leave his dad/go back to his mum? not that we ever see! im pretty sure the only time we've seen henry explicitly upset is when ted was ignoring him while he was like five feet away which, yeah, mood! and last we saw, henry even sees more enthused abt richmond winning the whole thing than ted is, so its not like he thinks his dad is just going away to do absolutely nothing of import.

do ted and henry not spend a lot of time together/talk very often? technically we don't see enough of ted's daily routine to know for sure, but the casual mention of playing roblox seems to imply they spend a lot of time together! and ofc none of their phone calls ever have the vibe of 'i haven't spoken to you in ages, here's ALL THE THINGS you've missed!'. they're almost all abt stuff that happened that day.

is ted struggling with being away from henry? well... yes, duh, but i don't even think this season's done particularly well establishing THAT (incredibly obvious and free) piece of ted characterisation.

is ted capable of feeling anything other than vague nostalgia (ie: all of his annecdotes being set there) or extreme distress wrt kansas? apparently not! like, seriously, what is there for him? does he have any friends? a job? family that isn't his mother? where's he gonna live? does he miss the weather? his neighbours? like i am literally on my hands and knees give me ONE (1) concrete opinion ted has about the fucking place that isn't about its FOOD (<- ESPECIALLY coming off the back of an episode where ted was able to experience texan food So Authentic™ that it inspired a literal career-changing epiphany?? like HOW are we supposed to take that as anything other than 'ted is at his best when he acknowledges BOTH of his lives rather than cutting one out in favour of the other'???).

idk. i guess my real problem this late in the game is i can see so many POTENTIAL versions of this show, but what ive been given doesn't feel like it matches up with any of them.

i can imagine a story in which ted's avoidance + variations upon running-away tactics for dealing w conflict get thoroughly deconstructed and challenged while in london, so at the end of the show he's finally emotionally prepared to return to his life in kansas even though it's never going to be a fairytale picturesque no-problems-ever ending again.

i can imagine a story in which going back to kansas isn't good for ted, and will be a major sacrifice, but it's a sacrifice he will be making with the support of his new friends + family, and something that he is determined to make in order to be there w his son, all meaningfully juxtaposed w how he feels his dad 'quit' on him.

i can imagine a story where ultimately, the life that ted's made alongside richmond is just as important to him as his life in kansas, and so he + michelle work out a more equal and long-term custody arangement* with henry (it definitely seems like the 'you get him for the whole year and i get him on school break' was something haphazardly worked out while they were both still under the assumption he'd be in richmond for less than a year), and they alternate who goes to whose home for holidays and shit.

[*side note, why hasn't that come up at all? i'd personally think somewhere around the six month mark of working overseas i'd want to have a talk w my expartner + kid about a schedule that isn't so much of a 80/20 split? like, it's fine if henry moving isn't on the table at all for one reason or another, but at least take the time to actually SAY that??? like, what does michelle do for a living? why is SHE so happy to stay there? give me Literally Anything here gang!!!]

...but ultimately what ive actually seen on screen feels like it fits into none of those categories. eleven hours (in as many episodes!! HOUR! long! episodes!!!!!!) in and i feel like i know infinitely less about ted + his mental state than i did in s1. like, from episode to episode, the writer's aren't sure if he's stuck, or progressing, or going through that classic recovery 'one step forwards, two steps back' dance, or just completely and utterly depressed. there's no continuity. nothing that happens to him in one episode seems to have literally any bearing at all on the ted in the next episode. if u scrubbed all of the notable Ted Scenes™ of any overarching plot references, and shuffled them all up, i genuinely think you would end up w a plateau of scenes totally indistinguishable from each other!*

[*of course, this is my main critique of s3 for like. literally everyone, but it's paticularly damning when im left feeling this lost about the main fucking guy.]

i don't know. i guess after the past few weeks of being really genuinely hurt + angry + upset abt the choices made this season, the feeling im left with near the end of it all is. underwhelmed. and im really not sure what 3x12 could possibly do to change that feeling... even if i am still regrettably, but sincerely rooting for a last minute switcheroo.

[mixtapestar]

AO3 Wrapped [writer's edition]

How many words have you written this year? 248,282 according to my tracker; 231,445 posted

How many works did you publish this year? 105

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? flip like a switch (Ted Lasso, Roy/Keeley/Jamie, Explicit) featuring switch!Roy

What work of yours has the most hits? relentless (Venom, Eddie/Venom, Explicit) - written for the BDSM exchange

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? the best sleep (Ted Lasso, Roy/Jamie, Explicit) featuring only one bed

Favorite title you used intricate rituals (Ted Lasso, Roy/Jamie, Explicit) featuring fighting that turns to fucking

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most? surprisingly little lyric-inspired titles this year! the only one that comes to mind is step into the future (High School Musical, Chad/Ryan, Teen) that uses a HSM3 lyric

Relationship you wrote the most for this year? Roy/Jamie (46)

Favorite relationship you wrote for this year? Equal love for Roy/Jamie and Roy/Jamie/Keeley!

What work was the quickest to write? future luck (Ted Lasso, Roy/Jamie/Keeley, Explicit) because we needed the tags for battleship 😂

What work took you the longest to write? caught in a landslide (Ted Lasso, Roy/Jamie/Keeley, Explicit) featuring Jamie not knowing he's being wooed

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year? looks like 6-8 that have potential to actually get written/posted in 2024

What’s your longest work of the year? caught in a landslide (see above) at 14,467 words

What’s your shortest work of the year? several drabbles of exactly 100 words! I think my favorite is anticipation (Ted Lasso, Roy/Jamie/Keeley, Teen)

What WIP are you taking into next year with you? Roy/Jamie/Keeley soulmark AU

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag? Dom/sub 😂

Your favorite character to write this year? Roy Kent

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? Carlos Reyes in my foray into 9-1-1: Lone Star fic! I hope I did him justice.

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year? since I'm still comfy in my Ted Lasso hyperfixation, I'm thinking Colin/Will

Which work of yours have you reread the most? probably not quite a punishment (Roy/Jamie, Explicit) just for editing reasons

How many kudos in total did you get this year? 13,648

Which work has the most comments? flip like a switch (see above)

Did you do any collaborative works this year? I podficced several works! You can find them at an AO3 name that switches out 'pod' for 'star' ��

Did you write any gifts this year? MANY!!! Most of my fics from the first 3/4 of the year were for exchanges, and then the last 30 were for the Sexy Christmas event on the This Is Perverse (Roy/Jamie) discord server.

Did you receive any gifts this year? Also many, because of the exchanges! They're so much fun <3

What’s your most common category? M/M

What do you listen to while writing? Usually nothing, but if not, something instrumental or in a language I don't speak. I was a big fan of Neon Bunny this year.

Favorite work you wrote this year? equal opportunity (Ted Lasso, Roy/Jamie/Keeley, Explicit), because it was written right after 3x01 responding to the events therein, and I think it still slaps

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? from the best sleep:

"Alright, seriously. Did you take something? Have some shots? It's fine, you can tell me. Fuck knows I got into plenty of shit back in the day." Jamie stares back at him in wide-eyed confusion when Roy twists around to see his face. "I didn't have nothing, Coach. Swear down." "Why are you being so fucking weird then? All… happy." Jamie's expression softens. He hasn't moved his hand from around Roy's middle since Roy twisted around, so now his fingers are tangled in Roy's shirt, rucking it up. "'Cause I'm fucking happy, mate. We won against City—me mum was proper hyped up over it. I got to dance with Colin's fit new boyfriend and tease him about it, and then I got to come home with you." Roy's heart jumps to his throat at Jamie's phrasing. "And that makes you happy?" he rasps. "All that?" Roy's shirt bunches under Jamie's hand as he grips it. "Roy," he says desperately, eyes pleading.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year? Writing 30 Roy/Jamie fics for Sexy Christmas. 😂 The inspiration of a big ol' stack of kink prompts!

[nativestarwrites]

Number 7 for Ted Lasso?

Thanks for the ask! This one refused to be a drabble, and is closer to a flashfic, oops.

7. "Come on, breathe, breathe, don't you dare--"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It was an accident Roy, it wasn’t anyone’s fault. If it weren’t for you…” Keeley’s voice trailed off. She’d clamped herself to Roy’s side ever since she’d arrived at the hospital, her arm wrapped around his and their fingers intertwined.

Roy wanted to believe her, but she hadn’t been there. She hadn’t seen Jamie fall, his head impacting a rock before he went under the water. Roy had started running the moment it happened, had sprinted when he realised Jamie wasn’t conscious. He knee had already started throbbing in retribution for that.

But he’d been too slow. Too fucking slow.

“He’s going to be fine.” she said, rubbing his arm.

“You don’t know that.” Roy forced out tightly. They didn’t know anything yet, and his breath caught in his chest.

“Hey, c’mon, breathe, babe.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first thing Roy noticed after he’d pulled Jamie out the water was the complete stillness of his chest.

Jamie wasn’t breathing.

“No! No, you don’t do this, Tartt. Come on, breathe!” Roy shouted as he shook Jamie, hoping for a gasp, a cough, an anything.

Don’t do this. Don’t do this. Don’t make me do this. Shitshitshitshit.

Roy’s hands shook as he tilted Jamie’s head back and checked his airway. He could do this. He could do this. Basic first aid. He’d done the course and the refreshers. Taking a deep breath Roy pushed it into Jamie’s lungs.

Because Jamie wasn’t fucking breathing.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

Jamie still wasn’t breathing.

Four times.

Five times.

"Come on, breathe, breathe, don't you dare--"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Roy breathed, forcing himself to take in long deep breaths until the anxiety clawing at his insides settled. Keeley murmuring constant reassurances while her worried eyes watched him.

“I don’t know how long he wasn’t--” Roy confessed, it could have been sixty seconds, it could have been six minutes. He’d done a google search when Keeley wasn’t looking. He knew what that difference could make, and it was enough to make him want to throw up.

“You said he was awake, when the paramedics got there, right?”

“Barely.”

He loved that she was trying to be there for him, to inject hope and positivity into a terrifying situation but she hadn’t been there, she hadn’t seen him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jamie gasped.

Hacking and coughing and spluttering and Roy could listen to the harsh, wheezing breaths all day, if it just meant that Jamie kept breathing. Quickly rolling him to his side, Roy pressed his forehead into Jamie’s shoulder, his free hand rubbing his back.

“That’s it, get it all out, Jamie. Just keep breathing, keep fucking breathing.”

Lifting his head, Roy took a proper look at Jamie, brushing back his hair to see his face as his breathing started to even out and the coughs eased a little. His head was still bleeding, rivulets of blood mixing with river water across his forehead and his eyes were still closed, but Roy felt that Jamie was there, he was awake just not entirely there.

“Jamie, can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?”

Jamie didn’t move, didn’t open his eyes and didn’t show any sign of hearing Roy, until his hand had reached out, weakly latching onto Roy’s shirt, fingers twisting into the fabric. And stayed there until the paramedics had gently pulled him away.

Roy had gone with him in the ambulance, sat at the bottom of the stretcher, his fingers wrapped around Jamie’s ankle beneath the blanket, promising him he wasn’t alone.

“You’re alright, Jamie, you’re okay. Just breathe.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Family of Mr Tartt?”

“Yes, that’s us.” Keeley quickly answered, Roy nodding mutely next to her as he pushed his exhausted body to his feet, bracing himself for the news they’d been waiting forever for.

“We’re going to be admitting him for observation, but baring any complications, he should be just fine.” She frowned, looking between the two of them. “He did ask if his grandad was waiting for him?”

“Little prick.” Roy whispered, shaking his head, as if it wasn’t the most reassuring thing he’d heard all day. He left Keeley trying to explain to the confused doctor, but Roy didn’t pay any attention after he’d heard the words that he could go see Jamie now. Fucking finally.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jamie was propped up with pillows, pale and exhausted, hooked up to frankly an alarming amount of monitors in Roy’s opinion, but he still opened his eyes when he heard the door and his face lit up when he saw who it was.

“Roy,” he croaked starting to pull the oxygen mask off, but Roy was already there nudging his hand out the way as he pulled him into a hug.

“Leave that alone, you muppet.”

Jamie was warm, dry and breathing in his arms, and at long last, Roy’s head was quiet. Jamie tucked his head into Roy’s shoulder and his hands came up to rest flat against his back, his body trembling ever so slightly. Roy tightened his arms a little, he clearly wasn’t the only one terrified by Jamie’s near-death experience.

“Don’t you ever fucking scare me like that again.”

“I won’t.” came the muffled reply.

Roy didn’t let go.

And Jamie breathed.

[universalcas]

🌻 tagged by @castiel (thanks darling <3) like a decade ago to talk about 8 shows as a way to get to know me better (in no particular order) 🌻

1. Sherlock BBC:

yeah, i know what you are going to say: "that explains a lot about your mental state" and I will answer: "you are absolutely right, my love". I joined tumblr because of this show, right in the middle of the hiatus between season 2 and 3 when I was happy and innocent and the world was beautiful and bright and full of possibilities. I become obsessed with London because of it for a short period of time.

2. Hannibal:

"Achilles wished all Greeks would die, so that he and Patroclus could conquer Troy alone. It took divine intervention to bring them down"

Bryan Fuller owns me, as a human being. This show changed my DNA to the point that I haven't been able to write horror stories without having some scenes from the show in my mind. It's darks, and twisted and incredibly poetic. It has some heavy dose of art (s2 my beloved) and the relationship between Hannibal and Will Graham it's one of the most beautiful and erotic things I've seen portrayed on tv.

3. Good Omens:

I was terrified when Amazon announced that one of my favourite books was going to be adapted to tv. I didn't wanted anyone to touch it because I didn't want anything that had Terry Pratchett's (I miss him everyday) name on it to be tainted by the greedy hands of capitalism but oh boy how incredibly mistaken I was. Good Omens is my happy place, the show I always come back when I'm not feeling my best (and I'm actually excited for a completely made up season 2). It has the story, the funny characters (John Hamm as Gabriel my beloved) Tennant and Sheen are the perfect Crowley and Aziraphale and their chemistry it's just insane in every sense of the word.

4. Black Sails:

"A story is true, a story is untrue. As time extends, it matters less and less. The stories we want to believe, those are the ones that survive"

I don't know what to say about this show without risking a spoiler and I really doesn't want to spoil it to you if you haven't watched the show. If this is the case, go make yourself a favor. It's full of pirates, love, violence and righteous fury. And probably the most iconic characters I've seen in a while.

5. Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell:

A one season show from a +1000 pages book. And it couldn't have been done better in my opinion. Highly recommended if (like me) you love dark fantasy, magic and History.

6. Fleabag:

I laughed so much and I cried so much and I didn't expect any of it but I had to let it happen. It's funny and thoughful at the same time and I really liked the way they depicted complex themes like love, loss and self-esteem.

7. American Gods:

And then it happened. Gaiman-Fuller, the match that was meant to be. The book was in need of an adaptation and the show did an incredibly service to it. It's powerfully visual and beautiful and onirical in all the right places. Watching it I feel like I'm walking on a dream.

8. Supernatural:

oh, god, oh, fuck

🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸

Bonus (these shows make me happy for different reasons, you can ask me more about them if you want):

Ted Lasso

The Office US

Hawaii 5-0

X-files

Law & Order

Tagging: If you see this, consider youself tagged. I'm honestly curious about what shows made you, well, you.

[hexiewrites]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 43!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 562,348, which is honestly insane

3. What fandoms do you write for? right now mostly stranger things. I've got most of a ted lasso fic written but who knows if that'll get posted?? and prev, harry potter.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 1. don't take this sinner (dramione, marriage law ish), 2. same as it ever was (steddie, two timelines, one of my first steddie fics!) 3. carve your name into my chest (steddie, the hockey au of my dreams) 4. come get your man (he got lost in my DMs) (steddie, social media, steve being a horny DM guy) 5. there'll be a riot (cause I know you) (steddie, the matty-healy-rat-man-Eddie-vibed mostly smut fic)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? ugh. I WISH!!!! I want to be better at this, I really do. I usually start strong but I end up with limited energy/time and I want to filter that into writing more. if you've ever commented: I FUCKING LOVE YOU and think you're SO cool! if you really WANT a reply, the best way to get that is to ask me questions haha. it starts to feel weird just "thank you!"ing everyone, ya know?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I am.... not an angsty ending person tbqh! I think the closest is probably you love the sea, which is a flintwood rarepair selkie fic that I deeply love. it ends happy, insofaras they end up TOGETHER, but if you think more about the implications and how fucking sad it's going to be for oliver... well. I'll leave that to you guys.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? god, I'm well known for having "endings so happy they border on absurd", according to one person online. so, pick your poison I guess! anyways the fic THAT person was referring to was same as it ever was, so, let's go with that!

8. Do you get hate on fics? I have been so lucky lately to not get much hate at all lately, which is a real privilege in the fandom world. remember that I cut my teeth in early days of harry potter, and people were BRUTAL. I definitely HAVE gotten hate - my aforementioned dramione fic has a bit of a weird twist that some people were PISSED about (and once I got an incredibly detailed comment about how badly I fucked up my representation of black Hermione because she... didn't talk that much about hating her hair? which I know is AN experience but not necessarily a universal one) but overall, at least this fandom go around, no hate. thank you, everyone, for that!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yes. lots and lots and lots of it. mostly kinda kinky and pretty much all pretty gay. let's not talk about how many times I've had to tag dacryphilia and what that means. I just like when people fuck about things, yknow?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? nope, never! and I likely never will. too much to keep track of.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that I know of, thank god for that.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? I've had requests but... I would need a translator willing to work pretty closely with me because I want to make sure certain choices come across well, and I haven't found that yet.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? not officially, though I did write a buckingham companion piece to the amazing cowboy-bar fic @riality-check did!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? OH GOD don't make me choose! ALL TIME is still probably dramione, but steddie is a very close second. in terms of canon ships, I'm such a sucker for buffy/spike (leave me alone), and veronica mars/logan (AGAIN LEAVE ME ALONE) and rory/logan (BECAUSE RICH WHITE BOYS NAMED LOGAN ARE A WEAKNESS, APPARENTLY)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? pour one OUT for you can't take the sky from me, which is my firefly inspired harry potter au ft pansy/percy, mostly because I had so many big plans for it that I've completely forgotten AND I just can't write in that fandom at all anymore. sorry everyone, I do love what I put out and I wish there was more of it.

16. What are your writing strengths? prose, smut, tying things together with little bows, and spending way too much time in my characters heads

17. What are your writing weaknesses? dual POVs, getting so lost in one character I don't flesh out the others as much as I mean to, action sequences, and consistent motivation

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I've done it before (mostly in clean ice, cold hearts, can't lose) and my typical strategy is to indicate that the characters are speaking a diff language (in french, I use guillements and italics) but not to actually WRITE the french, unless it's very short and the POV character doesn't understand it on purpose like in carve.

19. First fandom you wrote for? harry potter baby! my oldest posted fic that I've found online was from 2002, when I was... too young to be interacting with the internet like that, that's for sure.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? carve your name into my chest and it's no contest. I love same as it ever was as well, which I think is a better WRITTEN fic technically speaking, but carve was a huge passion project that I had so much fun with, and the response to it had been one of my favourite things in the world. oh, and special shout out to make this inn our own, which is my second longest fic ever and was just an absolute joy to do. so, those three, I guess!

tagging with no pressure: @riality-check @hereforanepilogue @maxineholtzmann @stevespookington @stevethehairington @withacapitalp and whoever else wants in!

[cevans-is-classic]

Ted Lasso x Plus Size!Reader

18 plus only, please

Warnings: Language, terrible puns, me refusing to not be in love with this man. All of it honestly.

My Masterlist, dears.

Jason and Ted

"If someone knocks on the bathroom door how do you respond?" Higgins twists his tie between his hands, his forehead covered in sweat, chest rising and plunging as he takes in quick breaths. 

Everyone in the office turns their attention towards the man, Ted's mouth opening to respond only to be interrupted by the force that was you. 

"I'm not sure about here," His eyes drawn to you, catching the edge of your smile as you leaned against the door, arms crossed, one hand moving as you talked, "But in the United States we say, 'come in.' We don't like to be lonely." Laughter burst from his chest. 

Higgins laughed along as well; Beard seemed to contemplate your answer. He couldn't see what Roy was doing, but his mind supplied him with a frown and scrunched eyebrows. The thoughts added to the laughter — your smile glowing from their reaction. 

"Look in and see a neighbor. It's the hospitality in us." Ted joked back your eyes sparking at his retort. 

"What pondered that question?" Ted aimed his attention back towards Higgins who sputtered, twisting his tie again as his cheeks flush a deep red. 

"Almost made a friend, but it went to shit?" Roy cracked. The tension building around Higgins dissolved as the group erupted into shouts in applause at the surly coach who huffed in return, "Oi, fuck off, you Americans aren't the only ones with quick wit. Shit way of living."

That set the three said Americans off. Ted and Beard mused back and forth about things back home that were questionable, ‌while Roy and Higgins seemed to wonder whether to believe what they said.

You kept checking your watch, looking back up at them anytime the conversations lulled. Ted didn't care that most of what they’d roused was bull — the way you talked with your whole body made it worth it. He could watch you for hours, hands moving, smile shining, the way your chest shook as you laughed. 

He couldn't look away from you. 

"Well fellas," You pushed off the door, "I've got to get back upstairs, but if you're still running training once Keeley and I finish, I'll come hang about." 

Higgins waved goodbye, drawing Beard into a conversation. Roy leaning in with a grunt, leaving Ted to wiggle his fingers at your departing figure.

"We'll stretch the drills just for you, darlin'!" He's not sure if you heard him call after you.

Your steps echoed down the hall — Ted's eyes tracking the swing of your hips. He wished you'd be able to stick around and talk more, spend some time with him that didn't involve questions about team branding or players' schedules. 

He bit the inside of his cheek when you disappeared from sight. Seeing you leave his office made his chest tight, but watching you walk away helped, he countered. 

-

Every Thursday at two p.m — barring an away game — you showed up at the Clubhouse with lunch in hand files for Rebecca to look over before you visit Ted and the team and watch training until you’re meant back at the office. 

Ted lives for Thursdays, wears his best sneakers on Thursdays and always — always — has a good cup of Joe with your name on it. 

You’d never favored tea since moving to Europe. Refused to ruin the idea of it here by dumping the ‌amount of sugar you needed into it. 

Ted can appreciate that. 

He appreciated all the small things the two of you seemed to share. You loved making people laugh, your own smile growing brighter anytime someone thanked you for making their day better. If you had to choose between burgers and pizza, you’d ‌combine the both and not a single person on earth could make you watch a movie with a dying dog in it. 

No matter how small or superficial the reason seemed, you ‌make others feel included, wanted to bring a smile to someone, if only for a moment. 

Ted’s honest opinion you were sweeter than a honeysuckle and the ‌type of person someone would wake up early for. 

When Thursday came around, he felt like he’d won the lottery without buying a ticket. 

He loved Thursdays. 

“Hey Lasso, how’s the goods?” The locker room was empty, the team having filed out to the pitch with Beard and Roy while Ted went over paperwork, writing in updated plays and reviewing the physical exams from the week before. 

Ted smiled at your voice, seeing you out of the corner of his eye, hoping you could see the quick smile he wore as he finished up the report he was reading. 

“A few days expired, but still good and cookin’.” With a scrawling signature, the coach leaned back in his chair and took you in. 

Which made him lose his balance and end up flat on his back, ears ringing from the collision with the floor. 

“Oh my God!” There was a shuffle, papers being tossed and a chair being shoved aside before you appeared in his line of sight, brows pinched together in worry. 

You looked far too beautiful to be real. 

“Wow.” Ted swore he knew how to breathe. 

Your brows bunched together more, mouth opening in a worried O, but all he could focus on was the light above your head. It haloed you like an angel. The white dress you wore resembles the angelic image you presented to him. Ted always thought you looked amazing — from ripped jeans that seemed a tad too tight, over worn hoodies with holes in the sleeves and jerseys bought last minute before a game to the smart, chic and professional dressings you wear around the club. He’d swore you could walk in wearing a burlap sack with an aluminum hat and he couldn’t look away. 

Right now though- 

“Ted, hey, are you okay? Ted? Coach? Come on, answer me-” You were brushing hair off his forehead, fingers sliding through his hair to touch at the base of his skull and up. Your fingers left tingling sensations behind as you felt around his head, poking and prodding until you seemed to deem him unscathed. 

Ted smiled. “Wasn’t expecting fall to come early, huh?” 

You frowned, leaning back to let him move, shifting out of the chair until he could stand up and readjust his seat. (He’d never say it out loud but his back hurt like the Dickens.) 

“Are you okay?” Your crossed arms fluttered your dress, the skirt moving around your legs drawing his eyes down then back up, landing on the flare of your nostrils and quirk of your lips. 

He was about eighty percent sure he was in love with you. 

Ted would say ninety, but ‌he — might — have a concussion and didn’t want to assume.

Maybe he should say something about the low headache forming behind his eyes. You’d, probably, run your fingers through his hair again — the light colored polish would look amazing if he held your hand. He’d be able to kiss each finger, bringing them to his lips one by one until he had you smiling and leaning in for- 

“Ted. You’re staring at me, again-.” 

He sputtered, cheeks flushing as he shot his gaze towards the floor. “What? No! I wasn’t staring - I- I was looking at something behind you!” What? 

Your feet came into view, white flats shining under the office lights, and he wondered if your toes matched your nails. 

“Honey, you hit your head hard. Are you sure you’re okay?” He closed his eyes when you ran your fingers through his hair again. When you touched the tender spot above the base of his skull, he flinched. Reaching up to stop your hand, he tangled his fingers with yours. 

Both of you froze. 

Ted looked up to see your cheeks painted pink, eyes wide as the two of you watched the other. 

“Bit tender.” He spoke low. 

You nodded, “Maybe some ice will help-” He tightened his hold when you pulled away. 

“Ted-“ 

“Will you go out with me?” 

This time you stared. Wide eyes blinking, your mouth opening and closing on words that never left your lips — Ted swore your cheeks reddened further, but you ducked your head before he could be certain. 

“I-” You swallowed, “You hit your head — the doctor should look you over-“

He saw the twitchy way you tugged away, eyes flitting from him to the floor and back until you freed your hand from his and had stumbled away from the desk, “I’ll go get him.�� 

“Sugar, wait.” Ted grabbed your hand, the sudden forward movement making his head spin for a moment. He might have a concussion — this was more important. 

“Ted, you should-” 

“I’ve wanted to ask that for almost a year, I swear. I’d been reeling in the courage bit by bit and I think falling for you literally gave me the fish I needed.” 

You blinked again, slower this time, eyes going back to normal as you looked him over. Up, down, then back up to hold his stare, and Ted watched as a breathtaking smile broke out. 

He could collapse right now from head trauma and smile the entire way down. 

“You mean it?” 

“I’m deadly serious about fishing, sugar.”

You rolled your eyes, stepping back into his space to reach for the back of his head again, “I’ve wanted to ask you for a long while too — wasn’t sure I’d ever gather the courage though.” You paused, “Maybe we should get your head looked at first. In case there was damage — you're chatterer than this.” 

Ted laugher, using the moment to tilt forward. “Maybe a kiss would help?” 

A finger into the sore part of his head had him hissing, “Doctor first, Lasso, then we can add funny business.” 

Concussion or not, he loved Thursdays.

To the poor anon who requested this long ago --- I hope you find it and enjoy it! I had an unpleasant episode yesterday and as I was resting the inspiration hit me all at once.

I love y'all and hope you all have an amazing weekend

[jlf23tumble]

Ok hey Jen cumdump anon back once again (this is becoming a problem lol) to ask for some shorter recently uploaded smut. Like one shots, under 10k? Have a good week muah !!

My god, do I love you, cumdump anon, this is not a problem AT ALL, lmao, long-time lovers know how much I adore short-shorts, so I'll give you a taste of the goods from the past six months or so, fuck it, we'll do it live!

I'm gonna guess you want One Direction, so that's what this is, but if you want something else, lemme know--under the cut because there are quite a few, but I'll make it easy and do it by month!

October

Before I go piece by piece, I'm going to suggest following three kinktober works because they update almost every DAY with short-shorts, usually unconnected from each other, mostly around 1k or so, many muy caliente: Take This Pleasure, Jaerie's Kinktober, and I will feel you. My very own @marathonficbreak works in a pinch (it's going through my bookmarks backward, though), as does the Anonymous Unicorns collection (and you really can't go wrong with this year's wankfest).

Self-cest, @jaerie, 2k. I think about it CONSTANTLY!

Double the Fun, stretchmybones/ @onlyfor-thegays, 1.2k. Double collar city!

It's in the Contract, anonymous, 2.3k. Make that rent, bb!

September

rimladelphia, docklands/ @hershelsue, 2.2k. Is as it says!

The Bachelors and the Bacherlorette, @turnyourankle, 2.3k. This had to have happened IRL!

Plenty of Time, @juliusschmidt, 4k. Uber driver Louis!

Birthday Princess, @kingsofeverything, 4.5k. This series!

venus as a boy, docklands/ @hershelsue, 4.5k. The gender of it all!

Bound and Determined, yeah_alright/ @uhoh-but-yeah-alright, 7.5k. You had me at the titty-fucking tag!

August

'Ere comes the milk, stretchmybones/ @onlyfor-thegays, 1.1k. Lactation kink!

For Ten Minutes Straight, abrighteryellow/ @a-brighter-yellow, 1.6k. The Ted Lasso homage!

I Know My Arithmedick (2 + 2 = 4sum), yeah_alright/ @uhoh-but-yeah-alright, 3.7k. These 2013 vibes in the best way!

Rutting Stud, Free, anonymous, 3.9k. A unicorn fic!

To Crave Your Touch, @haztobegood, 4.9k. Pearl necklace subdrop!

July

An Advanced Position, YesIsAWorld/ @louandhazaf, 900 words. Wall sex!

if you want it (you can have it), stretchmybones/ @onlyfor-thegays, 1.7k. Birthday orgy!

Feels Good, ishiplouis/ @pocketsunshineharry, 2.9k. Gloryhole fic!

But it's All Love, @sadaveniren, 3.7k. Betting on the Euros!

Divide and Conquer That Ass, yeah_alright/ @uhoh-but-yeah-alright, 4.3k. Pick someone supportive, etc.!

this is my jam, @disgruntledkittenface, 4.5k. I want more '90s bathhouse!

Going Green (so fucking green), yeah_alright/ @uhoh-but-yeah-alright, 5.7k. You like being used!

Make Me Feel, bananaheathen, 10k. Sculptor Louis!

June

Impatient, CottonCandyWoof, 1.6k. Piss kink = desperation!

such a pretty face, on a pretty neck, subrrystyles, 6k. Collar city, bb!

My Pleasure (to make you mine), zanni_scaramouche/ @zanniscaramouche, 6.5k. NIPS AHOY!

I've got you, always. Louslittlelife, 7.6k. BDSM with all the tags!

May

Getting Broody, anonymous, 1.3k. Alien sex fiend!

cockwarming and chandler bing, anonymous, 1.6k. Is as it says!

I'm Out of My Head (and you're so scared), SadaVeniren, 1.7k. Find that collar, brat!

FUCKING BRAT! wannabebestseller, 2.3k. Monster brat Harry Styles!

Increasing the Odds, @jaerie, 2.4k. Pregnancy kink, among others!

The Unicorn Rider, @homosociallyyours, 2.5k. OnlyFans and Girl Direction!

Want It Tonight, @lovingstheantidote, 3.4k. LOVE LOVE LOVE!

The One Who's in Control, QuickedWeen/ @becomeawendybird, 5.3k. This dildo machine!

Twist the Knife, @jishlerfics, 6.5k. THE ANGST!

Hot Chocolate, @kingsofeverything, 6.4k. Health code violations!

April

sex yeah, radiodurans, 500 words. Jerkin' it!

Don't Say A Word, wannabebestseller, 1.9k. The video reference!

Are you proud of me, @sadaveniren, 2.5k. Grammy win!

Watermelon Sugar High, haroldstyles35, 2.7k. The 2015 vibes (in the best way)!

boom, boom, don't you wanna go, anonymous, 6.1k. Fraternity/sorority antics!

[singofsolace]

"Whoever it is who has hurt you..."

So, I was watching this interview with Hannah Waddingham (which is all around lovely, everyone should go check it out) but I was absolutely gutted by some of the new things I learned while watching it. My head is spinning from all of the things I didn't know about her musical theatre career, but I also learned some truly tragic things that shattered me in two.

Apparently, that verbally and emotionally abusive relationship Hannah's talked about during press for Ted Lasso ended right before she performed as Desirée Armfeldt in A Little Night Music (which opened in November 2008). And the director of that show, Trevor Nunn, said something to her that I think Hannah took as a truly heartfelt compliment, but to me... nope. It just makes me sick to my stomach.

Hannah says: "When I sang through that song [Send in the Clowns], he came up to me and said, 'Whoever it is that has hurt you, and made you feel like you need to pick yourself up and try to carry on, I'd quite like to thank them in this moment, and we will make great use of that pain."

(Which... like... holy shit. I know that's meant to be like a weird, twisted, dark compliment about how well she acts/sings the song... but holy fucking shit...?! If someone said "I would quite like to thank your abuser" after I finished singing, I think I would lose it?!)

Hannah went on to say: "I think sometimes being a strong person, being a strong woman... often--and I don't mind saying it at all--the men that I've had in my life have presumed that you are that way all the time, and so they get a bit more punchy (not physically punchy, thankfully), but they get a bit more punchy with their behavior, and I fell foul of that, and was very verbally abused by... a boyfriend, and I got myself out of it not long before that [A Little Night Music]."

What also gave me chills is that if Hannah left this abusive relationship presumably sometime in 2007/2008, that would mean that the timeline of Hannah leaving an abusive partner in real life perfectly coincides with Rebecca Welton marrying Rupert in fiction...? Like, in no way am I trying to diminish a real person's abuse by bringing a fictional character's abuse into the same conversation, but how coincidental (or not) is it that if Ted Lasso is set in 2020, that would mean that Rebecca Welton married Rupert Mannion sometime in 2007/2008 (depending on exactly how long they've been divorced by the start of the show), while Hannah left an abusive relationship at the exact same time...!? It's almost eerie, isn't it?

She also said something about her father giving her a backhanded compliment on the second night of her Broadway debut: ("You were much better tonight than [opening] night")... so... that's par for the course 🥺

[overwhelmsion]

I posted 5,265 times in 2021

350 posts created (7%)

4915 posts reblogged (93%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 14.0 posts.

I added 315 tags in 2021

#art - 52 posts

#ted lasso - 46 posts

#covid 19 - 33 posts

#adventures in enfermería - 30 posts

#true - 28 posts

#exactly - 28 posts

#lmao - 27 posts

#the world to come - 25 posts

#the green knight - 24 posts

#dev patel - 22 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#you’ve been taught your entire life that you’re hard to love. maybe it was your parents or a childhood friend or this entire big wide world

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I finished watching season 3 of the handmaid's tale, which I had stopped because many things narratively and pace wise were bothering me, and those things where mostly there still but most maddening of all was the continued slow pacing, and the slow close up shots of June to show us how she's gone/going crazy. In the last episode she says she has to become ruthless, and that's part of her journey into finding a sense, a mission with having stayed in Gilead. And so in the last couple of episodes she kills 2 men, one in direct self defense, the other in order to complete the rescue of the children. And I just realized that what bothered me so much about the whole season putting such an emphasis on her descent into madness is that we come up AGAIN against this narrative that a woman has to be literally crazy in order to visit violence upon a man's body. A feminist show, is continuing that narrative that only women who are crazy deserve to/are right to/can get away with killing men. Even in a situation as fucked up as Gilead is, the show had to work with 3 seasons of buildup and see its main character become literally depressed/insane in order for it to be okay for her to kill her oppressors/ a man.

THIS is why midsommar and gone girl and the like are loved by women. We don't need to earn it narratively (although those women do earn it, lol), we can just see men suffer at the (indirect at that!!!!!!) hands of women and feel glee and satisfaction without having to apologize for it. Every man on Gilead deserves to be murdered yet it took 3 seasons for us to see our hero do it.

12 notes • Posted 2021-03-06 22:45:23 GMT

#4

No spoilers the green knight was exactly the kind of movie Dev Patel and his luscious hair deserved. I want more.

17 notes • Posted 2021-08-29 03:45:17 GMT

#3

Ok but why are people still writing their hot takes on midsommar like anybody took that film seriously. Girl it's a movie about a girl getting her boyfriend murdered and that's obviously the only aspect that matters there's no mystery here.

21 notes • Posted 2021-02-13 03:47:00 GMT

#2

I'm honestly surprised that we don't talk more about Moulin Rouge on this website.

28 notes • Posted 2021-04-26 22:52:08 GMT

#1

The Holiday is such a perfect romance movie, we need more romance movies of that caliber. The acting, the script, the score, the settings, the plot, the twists, the cast, is all chef's fucking kiss.

33 notes • Posted 2021-03-21 03:46:06 GMT

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