#and i feel like. what have i done to deserve seeing someone nonbinary in a show? without questioning or demeaning or anything?

[engagemythrusters]

no bc like. we get a queer show. we get a queer show and it's openly queer. the whole thing. the entire fucking thing. no coding. just straight up queer. and not just gay men. it's not just white gay men.

like.

it's so insane to me this show exists. that we're allowed this. i can't... it almost feels too good to be true. and i've watched it, so it is true. i know it is true i have seen it all with my own eyes.

but i'm so starved for any basic fucking thing that. i just. wow. nonbinary person? ethical non-monogamy? i got? i got to see that? and it's not a bad thing it's not made fun of?

god.

i just... it's so wild that something so simple just can't feel real because nobody else will allow something like this to air.

[genderqueerdykes]

is it bad that i hate when people take my posts about trans issues and make trans women the center of them. my posts always say “trans people” when i talk generally about the violence and transphobia because i mean that. all trans people, not only one kind. but every time the comments turn it into a discussion revolving around trans women.

i’m not against talking about specific demographics! but it’s very frustrating when people take trans men and non-binary people out of the picture when i intentionally included them by NOT specifying a specific gender of trans people.

it’s honestly very disappointing and disheartening that trans men aren’t included in any type of discussion when it comes to trans issues. at least not that i see, i don’t know.

additionally, when (mainly perisex cis)people claim their supposed allyship to trans people, they only talk about how they include trans women in their feminism and women’s spaces. no mention of trans men. and when we ARE talked about, it’s “i hate trans men because they’re just like cis men :)” or “no i don’t want trans men in WOMENS spaces because they’re men”.

i don’t know… maybe i’m too sensitive, but it’s something i don’t like. we should definitely bring awareness to trans women’s issues but not completely forget about the existence of trans men.

i think it's okay to feel that way. i don't care for when people do that to me, either. this discussion is long overdue and so few people want to have it, but this is an issue. yes, trans women are allowed to talk about our issues, we are. i'm not saying we should never speak. what i'm saying is we can't take posts that are made for everyone and make them about us and us alone.

we need to stop making conversations about transmasculine people about us. not all nonbinary people are transfeminine, other intersex, multigender, nonbinary, genderqueer, gendervast, gnc, etc people need a chance to speak. like i'm serious, it's okay to talk about one's own experience. but if it is explicitly to point out why people should not listen to other people when they are talking about their own issues, and that they should listen to you instead, you are controlling the narratives, and shifting the goalposts.

it's one thing to say "here's what i experience" but if someone takes your post and goes. hey actually. trans women have it the worst. they're the one leaving other people out of the picture in that situation. whenever you try to point this out on this website, people foam at the mouth to try to kill you and it's ridiculous. when, well, with so many people bringing it up:

it's an issue.

there's been a specific group of people who identify as transradfems and people who identify with their politics even if they don't know the name for it. they are pushing people to be quiet and not speak about their own experiences because somehow that silences trans women, as if we can only be about one type of queer person at once. it's gotten old. like can we seriously just have this conversation already and be done with?

i feel like i have to say the thing that most people are afraid of, because this conversation is way overdue.

can disenfranchised dysphoric trans women stop attacking men & mascs because you don't like being seen as one? can disenfranchised trans women who have been hurt by men stop attacking men who haven't hurt you?

enough. men & mascs are not your personal punching bag. manhood isn't what hurt you. being forced to be a man or masc is what hurt you. the general concept of manhood and men did not hurt you. let go. i understand it's painful to get misgendered and treated as a man for life. it sucks. you don't deserve that. no trans woman does. nobody deserves to be misgendered. you don't deserve to be dehumanized because people refuse to see you for who you are. it's okay to acknowledge that you're in pain. but you gotta let the fuck go of your irrational hatred, because it will never help you accept or love yourself

you will never experience true trans joy if you spend all of your time hating on other people. hate solves nothing. if that's the only thing you see, that's the only thing you feel. if hate has nowhere else to go, it rapidly turns inward. you will not be seen as a woman by more people if you attack men. you will not be accepted by cis radfems if you attack men and parrot their politics. this isn't helping you, or anyone else.

we need to break down these walls and talk to each other. trans women and trans men can have conversations about our experiences at the exact same time. conversations involve multiple points of input. if we're only allowing one type of person to speak and one type of person to speak only: that is a lecture. that is not a discussion. if you never listen or give other people a chance to speak, you are lecturing them.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Ryan Adamczeski at The Advocate:

It’s not lost on transgender youth that they “shouldn't have to feel like this” after an election.

President-elect Donald Trump will soon begin his second term, which already poses greater threats to the LGBTQ+ community than his first – particularly to the trans community, which has seen skyrocketing attacks on their bathroom use, sports participation, health care, and beyond in just the past few years, most of which has targeted youth. As restrictive state laws stand on the brink of becoming national, lawmakers and many in the mainstream media refuse to consider the voices of actual trans people. To bridge this gap, The Advocate asked young trans people about the biggest challenges facing them – and what the rest of us can do to help. The respondents are remaining anonymous out of an abundance of caution for their personal safety. Trans youth shared a widespread sense of exhaustion and disillusionment when Trump’s victory was announced. C, an 18-year-old trans woman, said that she “was able to vote for the first time, and I was really excited because it was my first time.” For those her age, today’s era of polarization and opportunism has been their introduction to politics.

[...]

These youth are acutely aware of how they had to come of age in an era hostile to their existence, in which the elected officials tasked with protecting them have instead used their power to hurt them. To S, a 20-year-old trans man, “it's exhausting to feel like our existence is constantly up for debate,” and it’s “really disheartening to see political leaders targeting people like me.” Still, he says he won’t let it stop him from doing the work that needs to be done. “As much as sometimes I just want to wallow in those feelings, I also feel really determined and almost inspired. I'm inspired by the resilience of the trans community and our allies,” S says. “Every day I'm seeing people stand up to push against the misunderstanding and hate towards our community, whether it's through advocacy and education, work, or simply living authentically.” The biggest concerns trans youth have now are access to gender-affirming care, and safety. As someone who “passes,” D says that he’s not as worried about a random assault as much as he is about having to hide who he is just to participate in his community.

[...]

S also voiced extreme concern over a potential national gender-affirming care ban, as he says “legislation that targets healthcare access, such as gender firming care bans, is life-threatening for transgender individuals.” This is true – The American Medical Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, the World Medical Association, and the World Health Organization all agree that gender-affirming care is evidence-based and medically necessary for both adults and youth. Beyond the effect a ban would have on mental health, S worries “about the mental health toll of living under constant attack, especially for transgender and nonbinary youth who might not have the love and support that they deserve from their communities.” Now is the time that he believes “more than ever, trans and nonbinary youth need unwavering support and affirmation from their family, friends, and community.” “What people can do is just support our trans and nonbinary peers and friends, let them know that we're in this battle together, because constant support is needed,” C adds. “Ensure that we still feel like we belong and that we are loved, even during these really difficult times that we're going to experience.” “It's really important that people see us as just human, because we have so many things that excite us. I don't want people to only see that there's only one thing to meet, because I'm so much more than that,” she continues. However, there is only so much that interpersonal support can do in the face of legislative attacks. S says that “from elected officials, trans youth need policies that prioritize their safety and well-being, such as policy supporting access to proper health care and protection in schools and even beyond.” He believes officials also need to play a bigger role in the ongoing culture war by “amplifying positive narratives about trans people and actively working to combat the misinformation that fuels the discrimination and hate towards individuals like me.”

The Advocate has a must-read story on the terrifying impact of anti-trans policies the GOP trifecta under Trump will harmfully impact trans youths.

[our-queer-experience]

I’m very upset right now… an artist that I used to look up to in the Warriors fandom just reblogged some of the worst content that I’ve ever seen, stating that that they now consider themself a ‘baeddel’ (despite being ‘TME’ themself? How does that work???) and went on a long-winded violent rant about how much they hate ‘theyfabs’, trans men, and intersex people. AND they took widely ftm / intersex-headcanoned characters in fandom and shared content where they’re all trans women instead, because ‘tmes don’t deserve them’. That’s… literally just transphobia and intersexism? What are you doing?? It doesn’t help that I even ran into a self-proclaimed ‘baeddel’ in real life recently, who went out of their way to make me feel as unwelcome around them as possible for the crime of being intersex. I don’t want to see anyone downplaying the actual harm that the ‘baeddel’ community has done, actually! *Especially when it comes to their treatment of intersex people, AND also to trans women of color*.

Also, apparently said person believes that *intersexism isn’t real, and is just misdirected transmisogyny*. Are you fucking kidding me????? Dyadic folks just never seem to disappoint with their sheer willingness to throw intersex people under the bus, I guess. I dunno, I just feel very alone in this right now, because there’s been a huge wave in intersexism and low-key baeddelist rhetoric in the WC fandom. But this… this is the first time I’ve seen someone be like this so openly… it just so happens that it was someone that I once looked up to. And, as an intersex person myself, it hurts to see. A LOT. Maybe this fandom just isn’t the same as it once was, or something. I don’t know anymore.

Sometimes I wonder if intersex people are even welcome in the trans community at this point, in all honesty.

there are honestly so much weird-ass shit going on in the trans community right now. we’re all at each other’s throats and we keep using cisgender frames of analysis to try and claim one of us are an oppressor class or whatever. transmisogyny will go unnoticed until someone can use trans women to get mad at trans men, trans men are erased snd infantilized and treated like general shit until you need proof we have it easy, nonbinary people aren’t having a great time being shoved back into binaries and intersex people have always been mistreated to some extent within our community.

what is going on? how did we get here? why is everything so shitty now?

[your-queer-dad]

Hi dad,

I'm new to all of this, and it's a bit overwhelming. I hope it's okay to send a longer message.

My spouse recently came out as trans. We haven't been on good terms for a few months, which is due to events unrelated to their gender identity. Even after he's treated me poorly, I'm happy for him embracing this part of himself. It's really beautiful to see him in such a good place.

After my mom died, I've slowly been on the path to realizing that I am trans since it is safe to come to terms with my gender identity with her dead now. She was really emotionally abusive and not supportive my queer sexuality much less anything I did that was out of the norm for clothes and a nickname I chose that was a more gender neutral version of my given name. Her bullying me about anything I did that she wouldn't have done or wanted for me was immensely painful. I was unexpectedly really torn up when she died cause I thought I would feel more safe than anything. I'm glad I am starting to feel that safety in her death now.

I came to terms with being genderqueer after my spouse came out to me (independent of my spouse coming out to me). I don't want them to feel like I am encroaching on their journey or to think I am copying them or something (which I think is my mom's voice, though my spouse has been saying some really mean things to me and about me lately so maybe I'm picking up on something with them.. idk). I am not going to come out to him for awhile so he gets the space and independence he needs in his transition. We have a lot of mutual contacts, so I will have to stay closeted at in a couple of places in my life right now. It's all really stressful, especially with the grief in multiple areas of my life. I'm really lucky to have an amazing chosen family who has been largely supportive.

This brings me to why I'm writing to you. When I told one of my friends who is genderfluid about my spouse and his new name, they laughed and said that my spouse has the most stereotypical nonbinary name (I guess because it is a noun or something; I looked it up, and it is popular among nonbinary people). I was really taken aback by someone making fun of my spouse for doing something I thought was a beautiful name that fit his personality really well. My spouse has hurt me, and he doesn't deserve to be laughed at for whatever he wants to do or be called in his transition and beyond. He deserves love and support for who he is.

Now I am really insecure about doing things that are going to be made fun of by other people or be seen as stereotypical baby-trans things. I only felt safe coming to terms with being genderqueer after someone who would say the meanest things to me in my life died (with whom I was estranged for years before she died). I don't even know what my transition goals will be or what I'm going to like since I think I exist in either a genderfluid space and/or a blob of masculine, feminine, agender at the same time space. I started experimenting with androgynous makeup, and I felt so much joy at first. Today I have been feeling really insecure about it though, and I'm sad my fear of what people may say is interfering with experimenting with new ways of expressing myself.

Do you have any advice on exploring things during my transition? I don't want my insecurity and fear about what people will say stop me, and I am human with feelings that can get hurt. I do have to be relatively cautious about some things since I live in a state where it is dangerous to be trans. Though, there's a lot I could explore without putting myself in danger if I could get out of my own way and stop worrying about others' opinions.

If you read this, thank you for reading such a long message. I've been so overwhelmed, and I appreciate your time and support. I love your blog and what you are doing for those of us who need some dad advice, love, and support. Thank you for what you're doing.

-mebb

Hey kiddo! Thank you so much for reaching out. That sounds like a really complex and pressured situation for you to be in and I am so sorry. My best advice is that there is absolutely no rush- it isn't a race and you don't need to try anything until you're ready. And never ever let anything anyone says stop you. There will always be people who make fun of things, or judge you- you can't stop them but you can always block them out. Stay true to yourself and if something feels right in your heart, go for it.

- dad x

[todaslocas]

Why we should use EVERYONE'S preferred pronouns, not just the people we respect.

Hey y'all, I have a few free hours tonight, so I want to take this time to address a trend I see among trans people and trans allies that honestly kind of disturbs me. To illustrate my point better, I'm going to use the example of how people reacted to whole situation surrounding SkyDoesMinecraft.

For those unaware, SkyDoesMinecraft was an incredibly popular Minecraft youtuber in the early 2010s, who in the past few years has come out as nonbinary, as well as been outed as a physical and emotional abuser by their ex wife and former friends. I want to be clear that I am in no way defending anything they did, nor am I claiming that they deserve our respect or their victims' forgiveness. This isn't even really about them. What I want to talk about is how people reacted to it.

Fans of theirs felt understandably upset and betrayed by this, and because of that, many people, including trans people and trans allies, stopped using their preferred pronouns. This seems like an understandable decision, and even I don't respect them enough to want to honor anything they want from us. However, I believe that refusing to honor someone's pronouns because of the deplorable things they've done has some disturbing implications for trans people in general.

The idea that you should stop honoring someone's pronouns if they do something bad implies that being referred to with your correct pronouns isn't something you're entitled to, but rather that it's a privilege that can be revoked. It implies that if you feel like you have a good reason, you can stop respecting someone's pronouns whenever you want to. It implies that trans people need to prove themselves in order to be perceived as who they are.

We aren't referring to people like Colleen Ballinger, a predator, with He/Him pronouns. If we did then fine, but we're not. And the reason we're not is that she wasn't assigned male at birth. Her biological sex doesn't just line up with her gender identity, it also lines up with the gender people perceive her as. Referring to SkyDoesMinecraft with he/him pronouns implies that they were never nonbinary to begin with, that we saw them as male even before we knew about everything they did, and were only entertaining the idea that they were something else out of respect.

To me, it's similar to calling a gay person who's done horrible things the f slur. Them being a horrible person doesn't suddenly make that not homophobic. In the same way, intentionally referring to someone with their dead name and using their old pronouns is ALWAYS transphobic regardless of how good of a person they are, and doing so only normalizes that behavior.

Don't refer to SkyDoesMinecraft and other awful trans people with their preferred pronouns because you respect them. They don't deserve your respect. Instead, do it because you respect trans people. Do it because ALL trans people are valid in their identity. Do it because you understand that trans people aren't just asking you to tolerate some fantasy, but to accept them for who they are.

Our identity is not revocable.

[lavender-teardroplettes]

Thank you for that post about To. and I am so sorry about everything. This was so well put together and not throwing around straight insults in each sentence. I see both sides throwing around hate without even explaining their sides of why they're sticking up for him or why they're mad. I was also one of the people giving him a chance to come back and apologize, people say stuff in the moment all the time and I felt like he deserved that chance. But, then he just left.

At first I thought his post was okay, I understand not getting neopronouns, not liking the idea of people showing too much at pride parades, or people under 18 getting surgery. Those are things I could understand but when the n*zi and racism down play happened? I was in shock and upset. Still, I wanted to at least give him a chance to comeback fresh and see if he would apologize... but he left.

If I'm being honest. Both sides weren't handled at all properly and you guys who explain it make it so much better to understand then others just writing it off as hate, telling people to kys, or getting called cis and not trans, which I am, as an insult. Everyone is still upset so I'm letting it go but I will stand by what I said and if that gets me hated just for giving him a chance or not supporting either side than that's okay. Thank you again for your amazing post and I hope you have a wonderful day.

TW: I’ll be detailing some of my experiences subtly and trying not to go into full detail.

Hi there. I don’t know who you are, but thank you for reaching out.

There’s a lot I want to say on Tom’s views, but many people have done that for me with their own time and energy and I appreciate them. I’m going to use this space to come out and say that I use neopronouns now in light of the situation. You’re allowed to use he/him, they, them, and fae/faer/faers when talking about me. I’ve been wanting to use these pronouns since first learning about them back in…idk…2014(?), but….I’m Black and of indigenous heritage, it’s hard enough being nonbinary on top of everything.

I highly suggest taking courses in gender and sociology, it was one of the most informative and open spaces for discussing gender, gender expressions, and touches on intersectionality within the Black community and being Queer during my college years as someone who was told that if I entered those spaces that I’d be molested…despite that happening more in the spaces I shared with cis/straight people .

I will echo what a lot of people have said and what I know from my own personal research as a trans person in an unsupportive family and as someone whose partner’s adopted little brother is going through: Children don’t go through gender affirming surgeries. In some cases, a 16 year old can with expressed consent from a therapist, their parents, and themselves. And honestly? It’s no one’s business. Out side of that, most children are placed on hormone blockers until they’re over 18 and able to take the right hormone replacements to experience puberty properly and develop what they need to before surgeries are viable.

On the topic of pride, in my experience in both small communities and going to San Francisco pride, there are safe spaces for children. Parades usually have an itinerary that parents can look at and guide their children appropriately. I am 100% on the side that human bodies aren’t inherently sexual as a demisexual person. It’s on the parents to PARENT their children appropriately, not complete strangers just trying to exist and feel good about themselves for ONCE instead of being afraid of hatred, death….so much…it’s so fucking much…

That being said….yes, I wanted to give him space. I really wanted to give him a chance to do better, but he’s going to have to do a lot more now before I forgive him or accept an apology and actually move on and want to engage with his content again. I just want people to really sit and conceptualize the situation and just how much people are hurting. And if I have to be that voice, then I will be. Please bare with me. 🙏🏽

Again….no harassment towards anyone. You’re allowed to realize your mistakes and apologize, but there’s work you need to do to make it stick.

Edit: Also, people are allowed to be upset, but there’s a line when you send death threats. I AM, however, in the sentiment that the only good N*zi is a dead one. Half of my family didn’t flee to America for no reason- if they weren’t already fighting against them. Those are harsh words, but it’s my truth seeing the PAIN it’s caused my family first hand. I wouldn’t ever wish that on anyone, but you are NOT in good standing with me if you support any form of N*zism.

[little-bloodied-angel]

I apologize in advance if this is hijacking, feel free to tell me so. (I've reblogged without additions too, just in case).

I'm nonbinary transmasc. And when I was figuring that one out and feeling a lot of very complicated (and mostly not good) stuff, the people that held my hand and helped me were trans women. The people who convinced me life didn't end then were trans women. The people who helped me not feel like a traitor to my own experiences and to womanhood were trans women. The people who helped me decide I didn't have to stop wearing what I wanted, or cut my hair, or generally not be femme anymore, were trans women (and transfem nb people). I didn't know any trans men yet, or any transmascs. They introduced me, actually.

The people who made my life immeasurably better and more than likely helped save it were queer trans women and transfems. Whether or not we still talk, I will literally always remember you and the impact you had on me.

So yes. The world in general, and mine specifically, is better for having trans women in it. And I guess I just wanted y'all to hear it from someone who isn't a trans woman because I am so done with seeing post after post where the only people uplifting you all and reminding you of your worth are other trans women. You deserve better than only being able to rely on each other. You deserve the world to give a little bit back.

the world is a better place with trans women in it

[retro-hero-5]

So much shit in my followings/tags/for-you/fucking-all-of-tumblr-it-feels-like has been people venting or screenshotting or highlighting transphobia and queer discourse of all kinds. It's important to point this out so people know what/who to watch out for, but I know that it can still feel very disheartening to see. Because of this I just want anybody who sees this to know that I love you for who you are.

You are valid for whatever gender or lack thereof you have chosen to identify as. Neogender, transgender, cis, nonbinary, agender, unlabled, and everyone else. Nobody can take that away from you, and your choice deserves to be respected. Anyone who tries to fit you in a community you don't want to be in, or pull you out of one you want to be a part of, is being overly controlling and is not prioritizing your mental health over their comfort.

You are valid for your sexuality or lack thereof, regardless of any other factors. Being transgender does not inavildate your homosexual or heterosexual feelings. Gender and its relation to sex is complicated, and even if you use terms that seem contradictory, you are valid. People who tell you you can't identify the way you do should simply mind their own business.

You are valid for your kinks or lack thereof. You don't need to hide who you are and anyone who judges you for that is inconsiderate and has no reason to. You should never be made to feel guilty or gross because something you are into is associated with bad behavior when you practice it safely and consensualy, anyone who argues otherwise is jumping to conclusions and does not have your best interests at heart.

You have inherit value as a human being, no matter what you have done or what you are capable of doing. Having any form of disability does not make you any less of a person that someone without one. Messing up a certain way does not strip you of your right to exist, you can grow and change. Anyone who tries to tell you that you are irredeemable, a burden, or worthless, is only living in a selfish present. Their ideas are ignorant of human nature and people like them should be ignored.

Your experiences and injuries are real, and your feelings about them are valid even if others can't understand them. You don't have to feel okay because it's been a long time. You don't have to feel okay because other people have survived worse. You can decide to feel okay on your own terms. You don't have to become healthy or stop using any aid just because you aren't obviously hurting. Grief, pain, trauma, and all other struggles come and go with time.

You are valid, and so long as you show the same acceptance to others you will be welcome near me <3

[genderqueerdykes]

queer communities: please take a moment to read this ask sent by a nonbinary parent discussing their 11 year old transmasc child's experience if you don't believe that transandrophobia is real or that you don't think man hating hurts queer people.

i recently received an ask from a nonbinary parent whose 11 year old transmasc son is dealing with suicidal thoughts and regret because of these behaviors being so common in queer spaces now. he can't escape it, even his friends are awful to him about it and he has to apologize for being transmasc often. he is being robbed of his childhood because people are already forcing him to adopt the "man" role and take heat for it even though he is literally 11 years old.

please take the time to read his story. this is real. it hits hard. this is not just petty fighting online. it gets carried into the real world. those people don't stop believing those things just because they logged off. they're real people. all of these things affect real people because the people behind the posts are real and what they say stems from how they behave.

would you rather see dead trans boys instead of living trans men?

you know the rush you get when you fuck with someone? its temporary, and it creates a howling void. the way you treat that other person? Can stick with them for life. you getting your kicks out of abusing and bullying children has real world consequences. how would you feel if a trans boy actually ended their life because of what you said to them online? you'd say you'd feel proud, but you wouldn't. you won't feel good if it actually happens.

do boys not exist or do they get a special pass and are only killed once they're men? saying things like "kill all men" and pressuring trans men and boys to stop being trans or become more feminine or leave trans spaces altogether is hurting people in the real world. it's not just a funny haha thing you say online, it's happening. and the worst part is that it's the norm. not all transmascs have the ability to have any power over you at all. some transmasculine people are boys, not men. some are children you are not justified in mocking young transmasculine people because they're boys. they're not even men yet. trans boys aren't getting the chance to even become men, let alone be persecuted for it.

please stop. it's making children consider suicide. and don't you dare say "good". like how could a child dying because they were tortured mentally by adults and kids older than them dying ever be a good thing? they're vulnerable. trans boys are vulnerable. you're picking on vulnerable children. you're picking on adults who have already gone through this a million times before. enough. please stop bullying transmasc children. stop doing it to transmasc adults, too, stop doing it to all transmascs. but please stop making kids feel this way. that "petty teenage discourse" is a thing that carries over into the real world and hurts kids. teenagers are kids. preteens are kids. this is hurting the younger generation. why do we see this as okay?

this in and of itself is an example of transandrophobia. please stop. let trans boys grow up to be happy trans men who live long lives. they deserve it. protect trans kids includes transmasc kids and kids who are trans boys. we're shutting down these conversations. you can't keep doing this to other trans people and act like it's funny and cool and whatever.

like seriously, stop. dead children aren't funny.

we're done.

thank you.

[possumcollege]

Visibility terrifies people who require a simplified version of the world to feel like they're in control. If the world is limited and operates on a fixed set of possibilities, it's knowable, predictable and safe for people who build their unifying theories, their very identities around knowing "how the world works."

People have been brought up in our society to crave endless variety in the things they can consume. The economy runs on novelty. Scarcity generates demand and value. However, if we ask people in power to provide something they weren't, to acknowledge and include an identity that isn't already in their system, they act like they must rob the citizens of their known world to care for some interdimensional alien refugee. Like that inclusion requires them to uproot their entire operation to provide services to who knows how many different kinds of people that weren't there before!

They were there though. They've always been there, but they don't take up space if you don't include them. Bureaucrats don't have to spend time on them, their rights don't need to be actively protected. Their needs don't have to be met if you can just erase them from the ledger and pretend you're seeing some bizarre new trend every time someone comes up and says, "I need help, because no one is providing what I need."

This has been true of indigenous people, enslaved people, non-white people, gay, nonbinary, trans people, refugees, immigrants, migrant workers, laborers, women- all of the people who have historically had to fight, literally and figuratively to be acknowledged as whole people under the law. This is a problem though, because Conservatives require simplicity. Their governance is powered by inertia and secured with the assurance that nothing new can be added. The bare minimum must be sacred and defended by force because the alternative, for them, is chaos.

If you act like marginalized people are constantly new and confusing, you can pretend you weren't just sweeping them into the closet to make your world tidier. You can say you've done your best to treat everyone with kindness and respect. You've done all you can for the real people. You can say, isn't it silly that some people are so selfish that they'll make up a whole new kind of person to get special privileges! Priveleges like being exempt from the laws defining marriage, or pretending to be a man to make more money, so they can take more than they deserve! You don't have to change those laws, or guarantee equal rights for everyone, or provide enough of anything. It's so beautifully convenient.

It's also lazy and evil coming from people that claim hard work, individuality and democracy are the very flesh, blood, and bone of our nation. It's fantasy and wilful ignorance. It enshrines the continued astronomical prosperity of a select few at the expense of millions beneath them. It's fanatical adherence to tradition in service of inertia. It is constant, active erasure.

remember 14 years ago when People magazine did an exclusive interview with a pregnant trans man

it almost feels like the media goes through cycles of collective amnesia and forgets that trans people ever existed and then they wake up like "hhHhhHh?women are becomingg man??" like. yeah we've been over this. can we please move on.

[caspianthegeek]

Good Omens isn't Queerbaiting Please Just Stop

The most annoying thing ever is trying to scroll the hashtag for your favorite show and seeing multiple people invalidate your identity because the representation that looks like you isn't what they personally want.

We've been having this conversation since 2019, and I am exhausted. I'm tired of being told that Good Omens is queer baiting, I'm tired of having to explain to allo people what ace and aro rep looks like, and I'm exceedingly done with explaining that nonbinary does not have a look and can be anything including every angel and demon in Good Omens.

Not all representation is like you and that's okay. When I look at the allo gay rep in OFMD I don't say it's not queer enough because it comes across as allosexual. It doesn't need to be about you. Other queer people also deserve nice things.

Both Good Omens and OFMD bring something unique and beautiful to the table and we should be celebrating that rather than pitting them against each other and demanding that one show match the rep in the other.

We should have different rep because queer people aren't all the same. Being queer doesn't end at being gay, and the gate keeping here feels much like the gate keeping within the larger LGBTQIA+ community about whether or not someone is "enough" to attend pride or celebrate who they are.

Just. Fucking. Stop.

Let queer people exist. Let queer representation exist, in all forms.

Stop making me void shout first thing in the morning out of sheer frustration, I am begging you.

If you want to read the things I wrote about asexual rep in Good Omens, it's over on Ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36348253

Anyway, my fellow ace people, I see you and you and your representation is valid.

[whumpsday]

K&J x MMSS 2: Valen & Liz Part 1

Kane & Jim masterlist / Magnanimous Moonrise & Savage Sunset masterlist

content: starvation, blood, nonconsensual restraint, muzzle/gag, aftermath of torture, misgendering a nonbinary character (non-malicious), mentions of rape/noncon, rescue, recovery, vampire whumpee

Note: This is NOT a continuation of the first KJ x MMSS crossover.

Set after K&J #39: Heat Wave Part 2 and after/diverges from 6M/6S

me and @not-a-space-alien are back with another collab!! part 2 will be posted tomorrow! nasa did pretty much all the editing on this one, so huge thanks to them!!

also: i included the taglists for both stories in the first crossover bc i thought it would be a one-and-done thing, but it’s looking like we’re gonna be putting out a bunch of stuff. as such, i will be including the taglists on this and the second part tomorrow as well, but if you’d like to continue being tagged in crossover pieces, please comment saying so in order to remain on the taglist! it’s opt-in! and as the next crossover will be 18+, please be 18+ to enter the taglist for that.

-

Liz hasn't been able to stop thinking about the vampire since she heard about him.

Valen Kithrara. If any vampires deserved to get what's coming to them, it's the Kithrara family. But Kane… Kane's a horrible person, too. He took away the only family she had left, methodically destroyed Jim's spirit until he was a paranoid, crying mess who took years to build himself back up. An abusive piece of shit who by all accounts deserves to die. And yet, as much as she hates to admit it, as much as she hates him, she can't help but feel bad for the guy. She even let him stay in her house for a few days during that heat wave fiasco last month, so it's safe to say they're fine now, she guesses.

If she can be fine with her brother's abuser who she still fucking hates, she can stop this random vampire she doesn't even know from being tortured, no matter what he'd done.

She's going to kill Valen Kithrara. Put the guy out of his misery. In and out, that's the plan. No more fucked up torture, especially when the person she heard about it from said he heard that all the useful “experiments” had been done months ago and it was basically just senseless at this point. She was able to get ahold of the schedule of that base, and it's supposed to be empty tonight. In and out.

When she gets there, she curses under her breath. There's a car out front. Someone's still here. No one's supposed to be here, but then again, neither is she.

She knocks on the door.

Nick answers. He's breathing slightly heavily, and looks caught off guard. "Er, can I help you?"

Oh, this guy is definitely hiding something. Perfect. All Liz has to do is get him to let her down there and she can stake the vampire. He won't want to admit he was even here, and if he does, she can just say the vampire attacked her. It'd be her word against his. "Hey, I'm Beth. I'm from a different branch a few hours out. I happened to be in town, and remembered hearing you guys have a live vampire here. I'm toootally interested in the experiments you're running. I gotta get going tonight, but I figured I'd swing by to take a look if that's okay, see what your setup is so maybe we can get some research going back in my county," she bullshits, giving him a friendly smile.

Nick narrows his eyes. "Are you on duty? Where is your hunting partner?"

"Nah, not on duty. Definitely don't do that shit alone." She laughs. God, she hadn't even told Laken she was doing this. She'll tell them after. "Just in town for personal business. Why, you guys understaffed and want me to pick up a shift?”

Nick blinks at her. "No, nothing like that. You may look, as long as you don't touch anything. I will warn you safely keeping a vampire in a setup like this involves a fair amount of homemade equipment. I made it all myself. I would be happy to share the blueprints with you if you have someone with the technical know-how to recreate them." He opens the door and lets her in, walking to the basement and unlocking the door.

"Cool, thanks!" Liz forces herself to sound enthusiastic, despite knowing she's about to see something truly awful, and follows him inside. What awaits her is something out of a horror movie. The room is filled with torture devices, and Valen himself- god, he looks even worse than Kane did, and completely terrified.

It's at that moment she realizes that she won't be able to do it. On the job, she kills strong vampires who fight her back. She can't bring herself to kill someone so utterly helpless and scared. Which means everything is suddenly a lot more complicated.

"So, what's that thing you've got it locked up in?" she asks.

Nick sits on the lid of the coffin, near Valen's feet. Valen begins to sob, titling his head to make eye contact with Liz. He can't speak, but the message is clear enough from the big, watery eyes. Please, please please please. "It's a shell of silver-core bars coated with iron, with internal restraints. We call it the coffin. The director insists that safety is our topmost priority, but this satisfies even him to know that this vampire isn't going anywhere. It would have to break through two layers of silver restraints, then remove the muzzle on its face before being able to use persuasion. And as a precaution, we never open the coffin unless at least two people are present."

"Well, shit, we've got two people here right now. I could spot you if you wanted to try anything out." The gossip she'd heard included that the guy doing the experiments could hardly even find anyone to go with him anymore because everyone was sick of his shit. "I'd love to see your work in action and everything, if you've got the time."

Nick stares at her. "Please show me your credentials. I could be fired if I didn't ensure the second party was qualified to supervise."

"Of course, yeah." Liz fishes out her hunting license. Elizabeth Lieberman, it reads. She's glad she chose an alias that works with her ID, but with the way her plan is evolving, she's becoming less sure whatever secret reason he's here right now would be enough to keep him from reporting her when she does what she's about to do. But she can't leave this guy here, she can't. She'll just have to figure it out. Get people to cover for her. "I don't think I ever got your name, by the way?"

"Nicholas." He examines the ID and apparently finds it to his satisfaction. He then gives it back, and walks over to the furnace, lighting it and setting the stoneware cup of silver in it to melt. This prompts a fresh round of sobbing from Valen, and him writhing inside the cage, but the device is too heavy for it to even shake under his thrashing.

Nick comes back and sits on the coffin again, crossing his legs. "Elizabeth Lieberman? It's nice to meet you. I don't suppose you're related to Jim Lieberman?"

"Nice to meet you too. Yeah, he's my brother. Got an apprenticeship a couple months after he got taken, started hunting the second I turned 18, never looked back." It's easier to say something genuine than lie through her teeth. What the fuck, is this guy gonna pour silver on him? Why? It's not like hunters could carry around molten silver. "How'd you get into it?"

"Interesting. I've always been fascinated by Jim's story. The two of you are very strong." Nick pulls down his shirt collar to reveal the scars from fang marks on the side of his neck. "I relate to Jim's story on a personal level. That is what got me into hunting." He releases the shirt. "I'm not a proper hunter, though. I don't have a hunting partner. I'm simply an affiliate of the guild. I do research and support."

Liz figured. The guy isn't built like a hunter. She's trained for this work half her life, and it shows. She knows she can take him easily. Hearing his story makes her feel wildly guilty about that, though. God, if he's been through what Jim's been through… well, if she does this right, he won't even know what hit him until he wakes up with a bad headache. And she can't just leave this vampire here.

"Congrats on getting out. That takes guts." She means it. She guesses that's the kind of thing that could drive someone to… this. "I think your silver might be done."

Nick smiles widely. "Thank you. Jim's book mentioned how much you two missed each other. I imagine you must feel the same hatred towards vampires as I do. As many of us do. If you'd like to assist, typically I have someone handle the vampire while I handle the equipment." He hands her a key, then he walks over to the furnace and holds the long metal tongs with the glowing silver on the end. "All you need to do is hold it still on the ground. Kneeling on the shoulders usually works well."

Liz stuffs the key in her pocket, grabs the stake off her belt, and slams the blunt end into the side of his head while he's turned around. She grabs him as he falls, making sure the molten silver that clatters to the floor doesn't get on him. "Sorry, Nicholas," she says softly, setting him down in the chair in front of the desk.

She re-sheathes her stake, pulls out the key, and approaches Valen. "Hey, buddy. Let's get you outta this mess." She unlocks the coffin, undoes the restraints, and helps him out of it.

Valen watches her approach the coffin through a haze. He'd been mentally preparing for more torture, and now this muscular, god-like woman had attacked his abuser, and is now approaching him like an angel descending with kind words. This is a dream, right? Was this really happening?

He is completely limp in her hands, in a daze. His cheeks are flushed. As soon as her hands are on him, he decides he's a little bit in love with her.

Liz decides to leave the cuffs on, and obviously the muzzle is staying. This isn't Kane. The collar won't come off on its own, so she checks Nicholas's pocket and finds his keys. After a couple tries, she finds the right one, leaving it inside the coffin before closing the lid. "Bet that's better, huh? C'mon, my truck's just outside. Let's get you up the stairs." It's obvious that Valen can't move that well on his own, and she supports him as they make their way up.

Before they leave the base, she stops. "Valen, right? Okay, a couple ground rules. I'm helping you because torture is fucked up, but I'm still a hunter. I will kill you if you give me a reason to. No attacking, no trying to take that off-" Liz points to his muzzle. "No trying to run off. Not that you really can right now, but that'll change. You don't hurt me and I won't hurt you. Sound good?"

Valen is so overwhelmed by what's happening. He'd just been sitting there, being subjected to another of Nick's night visits, when this hunter strides in and upends everything all at once. It’s different, and that scares him, a lot. He has no idea who this person is, or what they’re going to do to him, but… She said torture is fucked up. So it could be good. Maybe this was over? His brain refuses to register it. It feels like he’s wading through molasses trying to figure out what he should be feeling. His usual internal stream of pleas has been completely silenced by how suddenly everything had pivoted. He's never even seen this hunter before. The muzzle is staying on, so obviously things weren't going to be too good, but…

Cheeks still rosy, eyes wide with fear and hope, he nods silently.

"Good." Liz takes him to the truck, trying to decide on the best place for him. It would be a lot better if she had a trunk, but her only options are the passenger seat, the backseat, or the bed. The first two left her vulnerable to attack- Valen would lose, but she would be driving and that was dangerous as shit. The bed left him wide-open for escape.

She considers going back and getting the coffin, for a moment, but… instead, she sighs and just loads him into the passenger seat and buckles him in. He really doesn't seem like he'll attack. "There we go," she says, before climbing into the driver's seat. "Name's Liz, by the way. I live about three hours away, so get comfortable. And hey: you're out. Take a minute to celebrate it." She gives him a smile and a pat on the shoulder before getting on the road.

You're out. Is that what's happening? It must be, right? Valen lets his head lean into the window, bonking against the glass. He's out. He's away from Nick. He's away from Nick. He starts to cry softly with relief. He's still a prisoner, it's not over, but this seems like it's going to be better. He can hope for that. Maybe it's a lie, he has no reason to trust this person, but she is the first one to say what's happening to him is fucked up and do something to put a stop to it. But where is she taking him…? To her house?

Out of the corner of his eye, he watches her strong-looking hands on the steering wheel and working the gear-shift. He keeps replaying in his mind over and over the sensation of her lifting him up, helping him up the stairs, touching him gently to get him up into the seat and buckle him in. What can I do to make you want to protect me? Anxiety creeps over him.

Liz isn't very talkative on the drive home. She's a little on-edge with a vampire just sitting right next to her while she's driving after having fought so many, and keeps glancing at Valen to make sure he's still chill. She calms down once they finally get to her house. She's glad the timing is good- it's late at night, and no one is out, especially not in a town so close to vampire territory, so no one can see her taking a vampire into her house.

"Alright, we're home." She helps Valen into the house, sitting him on her couch. "I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting to take a vampire home tonight, so I'm a little unprepared. Looks like you need… a bath, some clothes, and a meal, for starters." She reaches toward his face. "Not gonna hurt you, just checking out that muzzle," she warns. This isn't Liz's first rodeo, and she's assuming Valen must be at least as jumpy as Jim was when he first came home. The more assurances, the better. She grabs his chin and tilts his head a little, getting a good look of the thing. It doesn't seem locked, which is a major safety hazard she'd have to fix. He wouldn't be able to drink normally with it on, but… "Yeah, I can probably get a straw in there."

Valen's eyes light up with delight when she says this. She's going to feed him? Really? That makes him a little nervous--feed him for what? Dare he believe just because she didn't want to see him starving? And a bath, and clothes… Things you would give a person, and not a piece of meat. It almost feels wrong. It almost feels too much to hope for. Silent tears dribble down his cheeks again, tears of relief. Maybe he could convince her to take the muzzle off. Maybe she wouldn't feel the need to keep him locked up so tight. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe he could be a person and not a piece of meat.

Fuck, he really does remind her of Jim at 24. "Hey, it's gonna be alright." Liz grabs a tissue from the box on the side table and hands it to him. 

He remembers tissues, a relic from an era when he could blow his nose. He takes the tissue and dabbles delicately at his eyes.

"Let's… okay. Blood first, probably. Hmm." She'd heard Jim tell her how Kane jumped on him when he got a papercut, so this guy definitely wouldn't be able to control himself. "I'm gonna have to tie you up first, just for this first time- maybe first few times- to make sure everything goes smoothly. Stay there, lemme work this out."

She's able to scour something along the lines of rope from her camping gear, winding it around his legs and torso firmly and tying it off where he can't reach. Even if he tried to lunge at her, he'd just end up on the floor. "I'll take that off after your dinner. Just try to relax. It'll be fine."

Valen whines softly as Liz approaches him with rope, and starts to sob as she ties him up. It's not painful, it's not even unpleasant except psychologically. More restraints, more tying, more barriers between him and being a person who talks and laughs and says please and thank you and I love you. She tells him to try to relax and it'll be fine, but he can't make his brain believe it. It won't be fine. It's never fine. It's always worse. Things had been getting better, and now they were getting worse again.

Liz passes through the doorway into the kitchen. She'll get a blood draw kit tomorrow, but this will have to do for now. She cuts into her arm, bleeding into a cup.

As soon as the blood is outside of Liz's body, Valen does exactly as she'd predicted, lunging and ending up on the floor. His eyes are wild and predatory, nostrils flaring, and his cuffed hands gouge the floor, raking his claws in an attempt to drag himself forward, growling savagely.

Liz glances back, seeing Valen worming around on the floor. It must be awful to be that desperate for food. She fills about half a cup, which takes longer than she thought it would, before bandaging her arm- first with gauze, then with plastic wrap, to hopefully control the smell a little bit. She hopes Valen is able to control himself a little more after he's finished this. She grabs a straw and heads back to the vampire.

"Valen." He barely seems to hear her. Liz grabs him by the bound wrists to make sure she won't get scratched and pulls him up into a sitting position. She straddles his legs to keep him from moving around so much, then sticks the straw through the muzzle and into his mouth as he strains for the cup. "Fuck, finally. Drink up."

As soon as the straw is in his mouth it's like he's a completely different animal. He sucks and the blood rushes into his mouth, warm and wet. His face instantly loosens into a placid expression, eyelids heavy, lost in the sensation. His eyes flicker to Liz, straddling him. Oh hello, where did you come from, big angel? Thank you. Thank you. He feels the blood warming his frigid insides as it goes down his throat. Thank you. Thank you.

The blood is gone far too fast. The straw wheezes emptily against the dredges at the bottom, Valen still sucking, refusing to admit he's finished.

"Yeah, I get that's probably not enough. Here, lemme turn it around so you can get at the bottom of the straw." Liz pulls the straw from Valen's mouth, flips it, and sticks the blood-covered end back in. After it looks like he's done, she pulls it back out, getting off of him. "I know it sucks, but that's all I've got for you right now. I'll get you more tomorrow."

When Liz lets him lick the straw to get a little extra, he almost starts crying again. She's putting so much thought into his comfort it's almost too much to bear. Ideally he'd like to be allowed to lick the bottom of the cup as well, but he knows why Liz won't let him do that. Please take the muzzle off. I promise it'll be fine. He's starting to have the thought with increasing certainty. Before, back with Nick, he knew for a fact that the second anyone took the muzzle off he'd be using persuasion instantly to try and save himself, but…the urgency to do that was starting to fade, here. Maybe he didn't need to. Maybe they could just have a normal conversation. It’s too good to be true, of course, but it’s a nice thought.

Liz rinses the cup, then returns to untie Valen, helping him off the floor. "Alright. Bathtime, pajamas, then bed. We'll figure the rest out tomorrow. You'll be okay." She helps him upstairs, into her parents' old room. There's a queen-size bed, a bunch of boxes (as she uses it for storage), and an attached bathroom. "This is gonna be your bedroom and your bathroom. I'll get all the boxes and shit out of here at some point this week." She continues helping him to the bathroom.

When she takes him upstairs, he starts to feel a little anxious again as Liz takes him into a bedroom. But Liz is a woman. Even if she did that, it probably wouldn't hurt. It probably wouldn't even be unpleasant. Maybe he would even like it. He thinks about it for a little longer than he probably should, before he realizes what she is saying. Oh, he's getting a bedroom, and a bathroom, and pajamas. That's good, right? He wants that. He starts to bounce a little with excitement. He's getting amenities. Maybe this is okay.

Liz starts filling the tub with warm water, then gestures to Valen's boxers. "You want me to help you get those off, you wanna do it yourself, or you wanna leave 'em on?" She holds up a new finger with each option, indicating for him to do the same to pick which he wants.

He's going to get a bath, but oh, he has to pass the trial of making a decision first. At this point he couldn't care less about his boxers. He has no modesty left, no dignity to scrape up to try and save. He holds up one finger, to ask her to do it, then immediately feels anxious about if that was the wrong thing to do.

"Alrighty, here we go." Liz helps Valen get the boxers off, then helps him into the tub. The cuffs and muzzle are still on, since Liz is afraid he'll take the muzzle off if his hands are free. "I know leaving the cuffs on isn't ideal, but I gotta look out for my own safety too. We just met and all. I promise I'll figure out something better tomorrow, you'll get your hands free. I'll help you get cleaned up for today, though."

She washes his hair and body, trying to be mindful of any injuries, making sure to get under the cuffs and muzzle too. At one point, she presses the washcloth into his hands so he can wash anything below the belt himself.  She has to prompt him to do his own washing a few times before he has the wherewithal to do anything for himself.

After, she helps him into a set of pretty basic pajamas- she does unlock the cuffs briefly so she can get the shirt on, but they go right back on after. "Sorry, I know. It's temporary."

Valen leans into her touches, and at whatever point it's feasible, he leans into her, face into her shoulder, sighing contentedly, clinging to her with his bound hands if she allows it. It's probably pathetic. But he wants to say thank you, and he can't, and it's really, really disappointing when the cuffs don't stay off, but he feels cared for in a way he hasn't in a long time. Not safe, but safer. 

The pajamas are nice--any fabric would be a little scratchy against his injuries, but they're soft and warm, neither of which are anything he's gotten to experience in a while. He sits on the bed, feeling acutely the stark clash between the comforting, gentle pajamas and the hard metal cuffs just a few inches above the sleeves at his wrists.

God, he absolutely breaks Liz's heart. Before sending Valen to bed, she gives him a hug, now reasonably certain he'd want that. He seems desperate for any kind of gentle touch. “It's gonna be alright. It's over. No one's gonna hurt you here." She really feels like she's 20 all over again.

He really, really wants to believe her words. Maybe it's a lie, but for now, in this moment, it's true, and that helps him carry on for a little while.

When Liz leaves him alone to go to bed, he lies down in the luxurious softness of a real bed, but finds to his horror he can't sleep. He's out in the open. That means danger. This is horrible because he starts to realize the solution would be to be shut back in the coffin, which he would hate more than anything, but it's been his only rest and safety for months, training his brain to equate a narrow, enclosed space with sleep and safety.

But he's so tired he wants to cry. Is there anything he could do to possibly recreate this sensation? A weighted blanket maybe? There's nothing. The bathtub? The underside of the bed looks tall enough for him to squeeze under, but he doesn't want to leave the softness and warmth of the blankets.

Whimpering, he pulls the comforter off the bed and wraps himself up in it as best as he can, steps onto the floor, and kneels down, jamming himself under the bed and wriggling forward until most of his body is under it. He almost hopes it doesn't work because this is a less than ideal sleeping position, but he does eventually fall asleep.

Liz calls Laken until they wake up and pick up the phone, confesses everything, and tells them to cover for her. Laken is completely on board, and she goes to sleep too, knowing that Nicholas's "a hunter a 3 hour drive away came to steal my vampire for no apparent reason" story will likely not hold up against her "I was literally home all night and I've got people backing that up," especially when he's the one with head trauma and there's no evidence she was there.

The next day, Liz goes to check on Valen, only to find him missing. "Fuck! Where the hell did he go?!"

Valen is awoken by Liz's startled exclamation. Oh no, she thinks I ran off. He starts wriggling forward, but finds he's a little bit stuck. He grips the carpet fiercely and drags himself forward a little, getting his head and shoulders out from under the bed, letting out muffled exclamations to let her know where he is.

Liz rubs the sleepiness out of her eyes with a sigh of relief. "Oh. You do that too, huh?" At least he's coming out on his own, not needing to be coaxed out like Jim did.

You do that too, huh? Did……did Liz sleep under her bed? Why on earth would she do that?

She pulls him the rest of the way out. "Alright, game plan for today. I've gotta go do some shopping, I've got a friend coming over while I'm out. They're gonna feed you, too. After I get back, we'll get those cuffs off, sound good?"

Someone is coming over while Liz is out. That makes him nervous, but excited because they're going to feed him. He wants to ask if it'll be a man or a woman. Liz had said they. Was it just one friend or multiple friends? Realistically it won't really make much difference the gender of the person, or people, but it will let him know how nervous to feel, being alone in the house with someone new in this state. He decides to assume it'll be a man, this way he'll be pleasantly surprised instead of caught off guard if he's wrong, but immediately regrets it, beginning to shake with nerves.

They're coming over to feed you, not hurt you. Calm the fuck down.

But what if they didn't just feed him? Liz was taking the cuffs off, not the muzzle. He's still stuck having no way to tell anyone if something is wrong.

Still, he nods with enthusiasm at the prospect of the cuffs coming off.

Liz takes Valen down to the living room couch, and Laken arrives shortly after. "Hey!" they greet cheerily. "Jesus Christ, you look like you've been through the wringer. What's up, I'm Laken." They hold out a hand for Valen to potentially shake.

"He can't even answer that." Liz points out.

Oh, it's a man. Great. Awesome. Valen dies inside, ready to lie down and take whatever was going to happen to him as soon as Liz leaves. It was obvious Valen wouldn't be able to do anything about it, either resist in the moment or tell on him afterwards.

Valen's countenance shifts visibly and immediately, shoulders drooping. He starts to hold out a hand to shake Laken's, but thinks better of it halfway through and retracts. Maybe if he wasn't overly friendly, or tried to be standoffish or aggressive, he could at least put it off for a while, maybe until Liz got home if Laken didn't pay attention to the time. But then again, maybe Laken was one of those men who liked it better when you tried to push them away. He couldn't know.

Or maybe he's just a normal fucking person. Not everyone is a sadist like Nick.

But he has the opportunity.

That doesn't mean he's going to take it.

He has no reason not to, though. Well…Laken has an interesting hair color. That's nice, at least.

"That's cool." Laken says easily, retracting their hand. "No pressure, man."

"This is Valen." Liz introduces him, since Valen can't. "He's really scared right now, so try not to be too much." She grabs a thick clothing catalog off the coffee table and hands it to them. "Have him pick out what he likes from here, but don't let him write."

"You got it, boss. Blood stuff in the kitchen?" Laken asks.

"Yeah." She looks back at Valen apologetically. "Sorry. Laken's nice, okay? They're not gonna hurt you either. I'll be back in a few hours."

Apparently they're clothes shopping. Exactly how long does Liz plan to keep him here? She's made no mention of removing the muzzle. Does she plan to just have him live here forever, indefinitely muted? The fact that he is apparently going to receive clothes almost makes him feel good, but he just feels nervous instead. He can't make sense of the implications. Did they intend to just have a pet vampire in the upstairs bedroom? Chills go up his spine. Were they going to do other kinds of experiments on him? Surely not, right? She said she wouldn't torture him…

She'd said she wouldn't. Why would he believe her? Why would he believe any of it?

Still, when Liz leaves, he shuffles forward and reaches a hand out, as though to try and grab her to stop her from leaving.

Laken's nice. They're not gonna hurt you either. There's the they again. Laken must be nonbinary. He'd heard of such a thing in passing, mostly in the context of people around him crucifying it as ridiculous and juvenile. He'd secretly found it intriguing, but it doesn't put him at ease. A nonbinary man can still hurt him.

Liz leaves, and Laken claps their hands together, discarding the catalog back to the table for now. "How about breakfast first?"

And then they're alone. Valen's resolve comes back. I'm not stupid. I know you're probably lying. Don't treat me like I'm stupid. He wants to be fed, very much so, but he doesn't trust Laken, and he doesn't want to let Laken see how desperate and scared he is. He remains silent.

Laken shrugs. "Kay, we'll just go with that, then. You think you'll be able to be chill while I get my blood in a cup, or you need some help? Liz told me on the phone to tie you up 'cause you're still getting your juice back, but if you wanna give it a try without, hey, it's cool. Oh, uh, nod for rope, shake your head for nope."

Absolutely not. Valen feels like he would probably die if Laken tied him up. He's not as desperately hungry as he was yesterday, so maybe he'll be able to not lunge? But it was only one feeding…

No, he can't be tied up, absolutely not. He shakes his head frantically. He would rather suffer whatever consequences come from accidentally lunging than be tied up.

“Okay, cool. Let's get this ball rolling, then." Laken smiles at him, then goes to the kitchen and slices their arm to bleed into the cup.

Valen is able to resist a little bit this time, but after a few seconds the smell is too much. I need it RIGHT NOW I NEED IT GIVE IT.

He tries to stop and pull himself back, though, so he just sort of ends up bumping into Laken from behind.

"Oh, hey. It's gonna take a couple minutes, I think." Laken firmly holds Valen away at arm's length with their free arm. "Good to know I'm delicious, though."

Valen blinks at them. Well… That could have gone a lot worse. He wrenches himself away from Laken, chuffing air from his mouth and nostrils aggressively, still feeling threatened and vulnerable, trying to seem dangerous and prepared. He shuffles backwards and takes a seat on the couch.

Laken finishes preparing the blood, bandages themself, and sets Valen up with the straw, murmuring about how "You really seem like you need to smoke some pot. It's so sad vampires can't do that." They turn the straw around for him to lick the bottom too, citing "Liz told me this was a good last step."

Valen snatches the cup from Laken and clutches it to himself, glaring at Laken as he sips it. When Laken puts their hand near Valen, even for something obviously to help, he lets out a low warning growl like a dog.

When he's all done, they get the catalog back out, and a pen, handing both to Valen. "You can go through this and pick out whatever."

Valen’s heart pounds. Does Laken not realize that Valen can use persuasion through writing?  He’s being handed a pen.  He hasn’t had an opportunity like this in so long. His brain twists into anxious knots trying to figure out how to handle this.

Laken does not, in fact, realize. They open the book up to the first page for him.

Valen is suddenly conflicted. Should he try to escape now? Would that make things worse? They're being kind to him, but…

What is he thinking? He has to get out of here. It doesn't matter how nice they are, they're still keeping him captive. They can still do whatever they want to him. He's still at their mercy. This is probably all just to lull him into being complacent. His mind races. Oh no, he has to make a decision.

He takes the pen and starts to write a command, but to his horror his disused hands can't scrape together the dexterity to get it right on the first try, and he ends up producing some chicken scratch before fumbling and dropping the pen.

He lets out a whine and cringes, looking at Laken through his eyebrows.

"Hey." Laken snatches the pen up, suddenly serious. "I know it sucks you can't say anything, but you know why we can't let you, even if you seem like a nice enough guy. No writing, bud."

That…. also could have gone a lot worse. Laken is being remarkably patient. But Valen still has a hard time suppressing the instinctual fear welling inside him.

He takes the catalog, still bracing for retaliation. When none comes, he turns his eyes downward and points to a black turtleneck sweater.

Laken notices the increase in fear. "I get it, dude. You're just trying to survive, I'd probably do the same if I was you. Listen, I won't even tell Liz. We're cool." They circle the sweater.

Maybe Laken is okay. Maybe. He wants to believe it.

Valen goes through the catalog and picks out all the most expensive things. He doesn't realize until afterwards what he's done, but living among the nobility allowed him to develop expensive tastes. It was frustrating because if he could get back to his house, he still had a lot of money and jewelry he'd take from the Kithrara estate, which he could offer to buy the clothes he actually wanted--of course, in that case, he wouldn't need to be buying new ones.

These are the ones he wants though, he'd just done an honest assessment of the catalog for the kinds of things he'd typically wear. Lots of black tops with long sleeves, dark, tight pants, a long, heavy jacket with a hood. He'd even found a studded leather belt and knee-high boots. Which, unfortunately, cost almost $200, so he figured that was one of the more outlandish asks. He colors a little with embarrassment at his selection.

"Damn, you and Lizzie really are two peas in a pod. Maybe she'll give you one of her leather jackets. Dunno if she's gonna go for those boots, but since you can't, I'll argue on your behalf." Laken gives him a wink. "She'll totally cave. Oh, and, hey. You're trans too, right? You want binders or something?"

Valen looks up at Laken sharply, hardly able to believe what he’s hearing. He tears up instantly. He'd never in a million years thought he'd be able to get that at all, let alone without having to ask and plead for it. His wet eyes sparkle with newfound appreciation, and he nods. Okay, Laken is all right. He leans into them, grabbing their shirt.

But…. something still doesn't feel right. How are they going to care about details like this, and validating him, yet still deny him the very basic ability to advocate for himself? To communicate with them as an equal? Were they just buying him nice things like one would buy toys for their dog?

He looks up at Laken pleadingly and slowly points to the muzzle, hopeful inquisition on his face.

Laken sighs. "I can't. Look, I'll talk to Liz about it, alright? Like, honestly, I doubt she'll keep you here forever, so that'd definitely come off. She's probably gonna let you go. She's just paranoid, y'know? Her brother was held captive for years by-" They suddenly grin. "Ooh, I just got the best idea. I know someone you can talk to risk-free."

Uh-oh, it sounds like Laken is saying Liz's brother was held captive by a vampire. Talking with a vampire also had no risk because they were unaffected by persuasion. But his hackles raise defensively once again at the mention of a third unknown party, this one being a vampire. He tended to assume the worst of vampires, a trait he shared with humans--the assumptions were usually not that far off. But… This one was friends with humans, so they couldn't be that bad. Right? Unless they weren't actually friends, but another captive? Were they just going to be put together for a play date? But Laken had said Liz probably wouldn't keep him here forever, so…? He looks at Laken anxiously. He knows he can't really do anything about anything, but he trusts Laken, a little bit.

"Oh, this is such a good idea. I'm a genius." Laken enthuses, oblivious to Valen's anxiety.

Liz gets home soon enough. "Hey! Everything go okay while I was gone?"

"Super smooth." Laken agrees. "Didn't even use the rope for the blood stuff."

Liz flicks them on the forehead. "Stop taking risks." She unpacks the contents of her shopping: a blood draw kit, a small padlock, and these:

"This way we've got more than just yes and no," Liz explains. "They're not all relevant, like, the yes and no cards are redundant and we don't need hungry and thirsty, but at least you can tell me if you're hurt or something this way. I know it's for kids, but I figured it'd help."

"I actually thought of-" Laken starts.

"And if I put this on the muzzle, we can take the cuffs off." Liz grabs the padlock.

Valen is excited by her haul at first--a blood draw kit means feeding him will be easier, and these cute little cards bode well for his ability to communicate more complex things--he eyes the I want to go home card longingly.

But then she pulls out the lock, and Valen's stomach drops out from under him. No, no, no, please. She's said it as though it were a positive thing, to remove the cuffs, but it looks like a step backwards, definitely a step backwards. As it was now, anyone could take the muzzle off. With this, only Liz could take the muzzle off, or whoever she gave the key to. A key, almost a symbol of ownership as well as from the practical standpoint--if someone lost the key, or something happened to Liz, he would just be out of luck. It forced him to be completely dependent on her and at her mercy in a new and scary way. And if this was her solution, how long was she planning to keep feeding him? Because if the current rate of feeding kept up, he'd be able to break any padlock that wasn't silver fairly quickly. Were they going to stop feeding him? But Laken had said she probably wasn't going to keep him here forever, and would let him go. That was too good to be true, of course, but maybe- They kept telling him things that would make him feel better if they were true, but then doing things that were moving in the opposite direction. If they were going to let him go, putting a lock on his most hated restraint was definitely the opposite of moving in that direction. As soon as Liz declares this will allow them to take the cuffs off, Valen crumples, tears slipping down his cheeks, holding his hands out as though she'd threatened to hit him.

"Oh, hey hey hey, it's okay." Liz takes a step back at his defensive gesture, wanting to give him space. "I thought it'd be good, I thought you'd want them off. Um." She slides the cards across the table to him. "Any of these relevant?"

He shuffles through the cards with shaking hands, trying to find one that says I'm a person and you're not treating me like a person and I don't know how to convince you I don't deserve this. There wasn't one, of course, so he picks out the card that says I am sad and puts it on the table.

"He wants the muzzle off." Laken frowns sympathetically.

"I'm sorry, Valen." Liz feels awful for him. She imagines if Jim came home after his ordeal and wasn't even allowed to speak. "I wanna help you, but I've gotta look out for myself too. And it's just too big a risk for us to talk. I really wanna talk to you too, but it's a safety issue."

"He could talk to Kane," Laken says.

"What? No."

"Why not?"

"Because he's horrible and I hate him." Liz glowers.

Valen shuffles through the cards again, his newfound tool. He quickly lays out I need help, I am hurt, I am hungry, I am tired and I want to go home all in a row, hoping that maybe physically seeing his smorgasbord of negative emotions laid out would impress upon them the extent of his distress.

Liz exhales slowly. "I'll draw you some more blood. You'll heal. I'm sorry. We don't have to use the lock if you don't want. I'm trying to help you as much as I can without compromising my own safety."

"Can't we just drop him off at the border when he can run again?" Laken asks. "He wants to go home." They point at the card.

"…He's a Kithrara," Liz says flatly.

"C'mon, look at him. Do you really think he's gonna come back to human territory after this?"

"I don't know. I can't risk human lives on that."

"Then let him talk to Kane so he can say something more than I am sad." Laken argues. "I know you hate the guy, but he's the only vampire we know, and you know he'd be willing to help."

Liz hesitates, then sighs. "Fine. For Valen. But I'm going to complain the entire time."

Laken smiles. "You wouldn't be you if you didn't."

"Fucking abusive piece of shit." Liz mutters under her breath as she goes to the phone and dials.

Valen clutches his cards to himself. He does kind of want the cuffs off, although he finds them far less distressing than the muzzle. I guess there's no option to get both off… He has a hard time choosing, so he just leaves it, fine with things staying as they are if that's what they choose. He can use his hands well enough to do most things he'd want to, although it's a little annoying.

Sigh…..but hearing humans yet again talk about how dangerous he is, and how he can't be set free for human safety makes him feel small and hopeless again. He's never going to be free of that suspicion, that assumed guilt. But…it sounds like they're going to talk to someone who might help, so maybe it's OK to hope a little bit. He tilts his head in preparation for trying to hear whoever is on the other end of the line during the phone call.

“Hey Liz, what's up?”

“I've kind of got…” She glances at Valen briefly, “A situation.”

“Are you okay?” Jim’s voice takes on a sense of urgency.

“Yeah, yeah I'm fine, just… okay, I'll come out with it. Your situation isn't that unique. I've got a vampire here and he's scared and hurt and I can't let him talk, obviously. So I was wondering if we could meet up with Kane tonight and have him interpret.” Liz blurts out all at once.

“…Wow.”

“I know, I know. You were right, okay?”

“Yeah, I mean, first of all, always am.” Jim gloats. “Second, whatever you need. I'll go let him know what's going on. Can it be here? I think going to your place again would make Kane nervous after last time, even if it'll be night this time.”

“Sure, yeah. Thanks. I’ll see you later, love you.” As much as Liz hates having to rely on Kane of all people, she’s glad this is going somewhere

“Love you too.”

Liz hangs up the phone. "Well, I guess this is really happening."

Laken claps excitedly. "Yay!"

I guess we're going somewhere tonight… Valen figures. He's a little disheartened that the implication from that conversation is that this second vampire is also a captive, same as him. How were they imagining this was going to go? Why was it safe for them to talk to this second vampire, but not Valen? Laken seems excited for it, and Liz seems to think this will be better than the current situation, so maybe it'll be okay. It's a nice thought, that things will work out.

"I'll go get you a second helping." Liz heads to the kitchen and begins drawing blood.

"It'll be okay." Laken tells Valen. "It's all gonna work out." They tap all the cards except I am sad and I want to go home. "We can fix all these easy." They tap I want to go home. "I'm sure we can work this out. The last card depends on you, I guess."

Liz comes out with a fresh cup of blood and hands it to him. He's calm this time. Laken's sitting and talking with him has calmed him down a little. He tries to keep remembering earlier, when Laken had cared enough about his feelings to get him a binder. And just having them acknowledge This sucks was helping, too. It wasn't That thing deserves it or It doesn't feel pain the same way we do, don't worry about it or It's worth it for the greater good.

And they're giving him a second helping of blood. That's so very generous. When Liz comes over and hands him the cup, he pokes the straw into the muzzle, cheeks rosy, sipping placidly like a toddler with a juicebox. Maybe this is OK.

When he's finished drinking, he inverts the straw himself and licks it, watching Liz and Laken tentatively. He wants to say thank you. Even though he's only been able to focus so far on what was still distressing him, he has so very much to be grateful for. His situation has improved immensely.

He flips through his cards trying to find one that matches his feelings, then blushes fiercely and puts down I love you.

"Aw!" Laken is delighted. "Love you too!"

Liz feels super fucking guilty now. "Yeah. Just trying to… make this as okay as possible for you. I know you've been through a lot." She gives him a side hug and collects the cup.

"I've gotta head out. Good luck tonight. And Lizzie, binders too." Laken says, gesturing to the catalog.

"Gotcha."

"It was nice to meet you, Valen!" Laken says. "And hey, don't worry about tonight. Liz's brother is a sweetheart, and it'll be good to talk."

Valen holds up the card that says Yes. Something about a cartoon of a thumbs up makes it feel closer to saying "Nice" than giving a real thumbs up. Nice to meet you, Laken. Please don't die. Humans die so easily.

Liz's brother worries him a little bit, even if he's supposedly a sweetheart. He was held captive by vampires, and so surely has no great love for them. And he's a man, which never bodes well. He does, in fact, worry about tonight despite Laken's plea not to.

-

reminder: i included the taglists for both stories in the first crossover bc i thought it would be a one-and-done thing, but it’s looking like we’re gonna be putting out a bunch of stuff. as such, i will be including the taglists on this and the second part tomorrow as well, but if you’d like to continue being tagged in crossover pieces, please comment saying so in order to remain on the taglist! it’s opt-in! and as the next crossover will be 18+, please be 18+ to enter the taglist for that.

taglist:

@annablogsposts​​

@cc1010foxy​​

@darlingwhump​​

@emcscared-whumps​​

@nicolepascaline​​

@oddsconvert​​

@pumpkin-spice-whump​​

@soursagas​​

@thecyrulik​​

@whump-cravings​​

@whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump​​

@whumpycries​​

@annablogsposts

@badluck990

@barebarb

@cc1010foxy

@ceph-the-writing-spook

@cicatrix-energy

@crying-wings

@crystalquartzwhump

@cupcakes-and-pain

@cyberneticfire

@darlingwhump

@deluxewhump

@down-in-the-whumps

@elrysdoesstuff

@emcscared-whumps

@extemporary-whump

@extrabitterbrain​

@iamtheshriekingguineapig​

@icyheart-and-friends​

@inpainandsuffering​

@interdimensional-chaos​

@kira-the-whump-enthusiast​

@lactose-intolerant-egg​

@lilac-and-lemon-whumps​

@littlespacecastle​

@little-whumpee

@lost-in-labradorite-halls​

@magziemakeswhatever​

@melancholy-in-the-morning​

@morning-star-whump​

@myhusbandsasemni​

@mylifeisonthebookshelf​

@neverthelass​

@nicolepascaline​

@nine-tailed-whump​

@no-terms-and-conditions-apply

@not-a-space-alien​

@nyooom​

@octopus-reactivated​

@oddsconvert​

@onlybadendings​

@owencarvourenthusiast

@pigeonwhumps​

@pumpkin-spice-whump​

@quietly-by-myself​

@quirkykayleetam​

@ramadiiiisme​

@redwhump​

@scp-1296​

@secretwhumplair​

@the-whumperfly-effect​

@the-whumpers-grimm​

@thecyrulik​

@thegreatwhodini​

@themarlo​

@thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight​

@t0rture-me​

@vehan-tikkun-olam-and-stuff​

@whuarri​

@whump-blog-reblogs​

@whump-cravings​

@whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump​

@whump-me-all-night-long​

@whump-my-heart-away​

@whump-queen​

@whumperfully​

@whumpthisway​

@whumpilicious​

@whumpshaped​

@whumpwillow​

@whumpworld​

@whumpy-writings​

@whumpycries​

@whumpyzombie​

@whumpzone​

@wits-and-wrongs

@wolfeyedwitch​

[salty-lesbians]

Sweetie, I don't know why I'm trans. I just don't know. But I do know that when people call me a woman, or use she/her pronouns for me, it makes me deeply uncomfortable, like if they mispronounced my name.

Some people have asked me if I think I'm "too masculine" to be a woman, and that's not it at all. There are women far more masculine than I, and their masculinity doesn't somehow cancel out their womanhood. I just don't happen to be a woman.

I'm sending you this message not as an attack or a call out or whatever, but because I can't fathom how my identity as a trans and nonbinary person affects anyone but me. If I'm somehow undermining the greater feminist cause, I want to know about it.

I do want to start by saying I have no dislike singular people identifying as trans unless they've done something to deserve my dislike, I don't hate people purely for being trans but I do strongly dislike the movement and what they've done.

A big thing here is that we have a fundamental disagreement on what a woman is, a woman is someone of the female sex, something that cannot be changed no matter what, I also don't believe in gender, gender is nothing but stereotypes (which have also historically and currently harm women) so the logical conclusion is that I don't believe in transgenderism, it's not a hatred or a dislike, I just don't believe in it.

However I do believe in gender dysphoria, I believe you when you say you're uncomfortable being referred to as a woman and whether this is a symptom of growing up in a sexist society or just gender dysphoria developing I can't say but it's important to note that gender dysphoria is a mental illness and I have to ask, what other dysphoric mental illness is dealt with this way?

People with anorexia perceive themselves as being fatter than they are, it's not true but that's how they see themselves, now imagine if everyone tripped over themselves to validate them? Imagine if we all agreed to call anorexic people fat, agreed to help them lose weight, suggested liposuction and let them talk over actual fat people. Imagine if we started going into the plus size section in stores and only saw clothes in size 0.

Or what about the people with body integrity identity disorder? Should we be encouraging them to remove healthy limbs/sever their spinal cord because they want to be an amputee/paraplegic? Should these people be allowed disability payments? Should they be allowed into disability spaces and allowed to talk over actual disabled people?

No, these people may desire to be a certain way or see themselves a certain way but we know that it's not accurate, that these people suffer from a mental illness that makes them believe this these things. Gender dysphoria is no different, you can't change your sex and no amount of wanting to be the opposite sex can change that.

Then we go into oppressed/oppressor side of things. Women are oppressed because of our biology, it is because we are female that we've been oppressed for all of history and across the globe. It's not because we've identified as women, it's because we are female. On the flip side men are the oppressor class, it has been males who have oppressed us this whole time so saying that males can now identify as women and now suffer misogyny? So you can just identify into the oppressed class? Usually by using harmful stereotypes?

Imagine if we were allowed to do that with anything? What if I listed off a bunch of harmful stereotypes about aboriginals and claimed that because I'm 1/8 aboriginal and like all these things I'm actually not white at all? If I claimed I was African American, Japanese, Indian, Sudanese all based off stereotypes? Could I, a white woman, claim to be part of these oppressed groups then talk over them, say I feel validated when I face ""racism"" and then proceed to talk over them?

Same with age, I can't say I identify as 80 and receive pensioner payments or talk over the elderly on the issues they face.

So why, as a 22 year old white woman, if I were to say I was an 80 year old black man why would only one of those identifiers hold up?

Then onto what the movement is actually doing, the misogyny and homophobia that comes from the movement is insane. Men are now allowed in women's spaces, women's prisons, women's bathrooms and changerooms, in women's positions and this actively harms actual women and we're not allowed to say anything because this man has at best a mental illness, at worst he's actively using the trans label to get in because if anyone questions it we're attacked.

TRA's have also been harassing lesbians for being same sex attracted, it's actually the reason I found Radical Feminism in the first place. I kept being called a terf for saying that I wasn't into dick so I decided to see what radical feminism was all about. Turns out they were onto something. Lesbians have been bullied, harrassed and coerced into relationships with males and even into conversion therapy because they didn't want to be with a male. I'm starting to see the same thing happen with gay men.

Trans women have talked about how cat calling is validating, women are being referred to as dehumanising names such uterus-havers and menstruators (I'm yet to see men be referred to as prostate havers or ejaculators for the record), a man raped his own mother and people were still blaming lesbians because we wouldn't accept this poor poor transwoman so obviously the only course of action was to rape his disabled mother, when JK Rowling came out and said that while trans people deserve the right to be safe that biological sex is still important they flooded her twitter, where literal children were sending pictures, with porn and then blamed her for not talking about it. Let me repeat that, trans activists sent porn where they knew children were circling then blamed the person they sent it to for not bringing anymore attention to it.

Saying to open our spaces to these people is saying to open our spaces with men who believe being a woman is being "an expectant asshole", who openly believe they're superior for not having a period (sound familiar?) Who believe that they suddenly get more stupid and clumsy and don't understand numbers when they go on estrogen (sound familiar?) Who sprout off that they actually do have real periods because they get cravings and cramps, never mind that a period is actually just the shedding on the uterus, nothing more and nothing less. Women in prison are being held with sexual predators and being told that if they complain they'll have more time added to their sentences and are being given birth control to counter the rape that these MALE inmates are perpetrating against the women inside. Sex based statistics are being skewed because males are now saying they're female, I can't go to the doctor and ask for a female without the risk of a having a whole man come in and if that happens I can't say anything because he identifies as female.

You identifying as a man in and of itself isn't a huge problem, I don't see you as a man or male but I don't hate you for it. However identifying as a man isn't a feminist action either and supporting the Trans rights group as it stands is entirely anti-feminist at this point.

Trans people deserve to be safe from discrimination, they should be allowed to keep their homes, jobs and be safe from harm but the way the movement is going is not it. They are actively stripping the rights women and the lgb community have faught so hard to gain

If you have any others questions or would like to discuss this further please don't hesitate to send another ask or even message me, I won't out you

[fiddleabout]

just because some people reclaimed it doesn’t mean *everyone* has. there's still people being abused and bullied and harrassed by the word q***r every day and you're fucking disgusting for dismissing their experiences and ridiculing them for tagging a slur associated with their trauma

i hope you feel good about yourself making fun of traumatised people

“ there's still people being abused and bullied and harrassed by the word q***r every day”

there's still people being abused and bullied and harassed by the word lesbian every day.  i know because people have abused and bullied and harassed me using the word lesbian specifically since i was eight years old and didn’t even know what it meant.  and yet you don’t see me out here telling lesbians to censor their identity.  that would be absurd because it’s their identity and who am i to tell them that their identity is degrading, or abusive, or a slur? 

i’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt, though i don’t know why, and assume that you’re not parroting this line because you’re terfy and gatekeeping and instead are doing it because you are, in fact, traumatized by the word queer.

even so: your-- or anyone else’s-- right to demand space for their trauma ends at inflicting trauma on someone else.  full stop. 

the word lesbian is reminiscent of trauma for me?  okay.  that’s a bummer.  but i don’t get to tell people that they can’t use that word to describe themselves, because me telling lesbians “you can’t call yourself that because it’s associated with trauma for me” is inherently inflicting trauma on them by telling them that their identity is harmful.  the word queer is reminiscent of trauma to you?  okay.  that’s a bummer.  but you don’t get to tell me i can’t use the word to describe myself because that’s inherently inflicting trauma on me by telling me that my identity is harmful.  your right-- and it is a right-- to protect yourself from reminiscence of trauma is not all-encompassing and does not include the right to inflict it on other people. 

and just, seriously, okay: every word that anyone who isn’t straight has used to identify themselves has been used hatefully, cruelly, and abusively against them.  this is the nature of how language works: when someone is part of an abused and marginalized group, just the name of that group can and will be used as an insult by people who want to insult them.  this includes lesbian, this includes gay, this includes queer.  all of them. 

and yet which one are people now constantly up in arms about?  the one that includes everyone who isn’t cisgender or heterosexual.  that’s not a coincidence.  aside from the fact that “queer is a slur” is inherently insulting and abusive towards anyone who identifies as queer because it declares their very identity as disgusting, it’s also gatekeeping and used aggressively and widely as a way to exclude people-- trans people, ace people, nonbinary people, agender people, and countless others-- from community support. 

so tl;dr queer is no more of a slur than lesbian or gay or homosexual is and you don’t get to trample on my identity or anyone else’s under the guise of protecting yourself.  most charitably, your ignorance is actively inflicting harm on other people; more likely, you’re trying to exclude people who aren’t lesbian, gay, or bisexual from your interpretation of the community we’re all a part of because you think the rest of us don’t deserve to be part of it.  either way, you’re in fact doing the exact fucking thing you’re accusing me of doing, so congratulations.  your moral high ground is a drainage ditch.  well done.

[wetwareproblem]

It’s me again, from your last ask. I saw your response.

The definition of empathy is the capacity to understand OR feel someone else’s perspective. You don’t have to feel something to understand it, but it’s still empathy. That’s why I can have empathy for trans or nonbinary people despite the fact that I will never be able to feel their experience. Everyone is capable of empathy, whether they feel it or not, and it’s important to hold people to that standard so that we do not excuse behaviour that isn’t ok. I stand by what I said that empathy is important to practise, even when it’s hard.

Admittedly, I am disappointed that you are getting hung up on meaningless semantics to virtue signal instead of seeing the bigger picture. That’s exactly what I thought you were against in your comment, people flaming others for the sake of it. This is how we ended up in a world full of anger, and it will never stop until we all do. I take back what I said before. :/

Nonny, I'm going to try to say this very very gently, because it's very clear you mean well.

What we were speaking out against in that post was lateral aggression - lashing out at people who are not harming you and who do not hold positions of power over you.

We did not "flame you for no reason." Quite the contrary, we took the time to appreciate your message and support, but pointed out that it included ableist language that is used to directly harm some of us.

We did not insult, attack, or denigrate you in any way, shape, or form. We went out of our way to make it clear that we did not think you were a bad person, just that you had inadvertently done something ableist.

If your 'support' is so conditional that it can't survive contact with a marginalized person going "that hurts," then it isn't support, it's silencing.

It might be "meaningless virtue signaling" to you, but that's because you've never had people scream at you that you're a soulless demon who exists only to bask in the suffering of others because one of your clinical symptoms is literally "low or no affective empathy." You haven't had people tell you countless times that you're literally incapable of love - or any emotion at all - because empathy. You haven't had people try to get your kids taken away over it. You haven't seen dozens of people trading tips and tricks on how to best exploit your PTSD and trauma because those no-empathy fuckers deserve it.

When people say "empathy," without qualifier, they almost always mean affective empathy, not cognitive. Cognitive empathy either doesn't count, or (frequently) is framed as a tool of abuse and proof of our evil, when discussing people like me.

What's more, even cognitive empathy is not necessary to sympathy, compassion, or kindness. There are people I care about that my cognitive empathy fails completely on - I don't understand at all why they feel the way they do, let alone feel it. But I don't have to understand to trust them when they tell me how they feel, to care about their pains and joys, and to do my part to help.

You don't need to hold everyone to a standard of empathy to avoid excusing behavior that is not OK. You can just... Hold everyone to a standard of behavior. I don't need to understand or feel the plight of people to fight their exploitation; I can just recognize that exploiting people isn't okay.

You say you can have empathy for trans people, so let me try an analogy for you here: Would you walk up to me, a trans woman, and talk about how manly she was and how important manliness is to morality? If I objected, would you tell her that everyone is capable of being masc, and if we don't hold people to standards of masculinity, we'll excuse behavior thst isn't okay?

Please try showing that understanding you hold so dear to mad people too.