#and i feel like i accidentally bullied myself into a really sensitive state of mind

[boyfeminism]

ive had such silly self esteem issues lately and its honestly mostly just annoying. i feel so sensitive and unsure and like im not good enough or handsome enough and like. my gf is very sweet and kind and thinks im handsome and reassures me when i need it and like i Know the feeling is totally baseless but that doesnt help internalize it ya know.

[dreaminpeaches]

“Ladies, Gentlemen, Enbies...HER--I mean Him? Or them?-- whatever, anyways here's the first part of my daydream paracosm, Humble Pie. I was really happy I was able to come up with the first part in a somewhat cohort manner. Part 2 is also going to follow this sometime soon, but after that its probably just gonna be short shorts, text exchanges, and or drabbles, but that first part’s finally a thing! And that’s cool”

“Also just reminder that this paracosm is set in a mix timeline, like people have flip phones, cassette tapes, but still also have stuff like gamer chairs, and slang like sus/lit exist, so I hope that doesn’t bother you..oof”

“Also I wrote this from my Remarkable, then convert it to text, and did some proof reading, but my handwriting is still can only be read by chickens and my dyslexia ninja has sneak 100 accuracy so..yeah

Word count: 6,115

TW: mention of Bullying, DeadBeat dad, Smoking, Drinking, Swearing (only for comedy’s sake tho’), Dissociation, Guilt (but don’t worry there’s still A LOT of fluff in this piece, tho)

Link to Alternate version on my off-site daydream blog: Humble pie part 1

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"Okay, here we go" Beau said, taking one last drag of his cigarette, and taking in one last look at the panoramic view of the town below, Newbury, his hometown, he was away for a year because of college which he dropped out of. Well, "dropout" made it seemed like he had a choice, more like he flunked out, there were' 'reasons that 'made college impossible for Beau, reasons that he couldn't get into or more like reasons he didn't want to get into, these were the some reasons that turned what was suppose to be a 5 hour drive into an 8 hour one, making him stop ever so often to the nearest park, overlook, or clearing to get out, smoke and or take a short walk. These stops were so frequent by the time he reached his hometown’s overlook he was on his last stick, hard to believe he started the trip w/ a full box.

He dropped the last of the remains of the cig on the ground and stomped out the glow ember with his dark brown rounded toed boot, watching the embers glow go out made him feel similar in a way.

Beau took one more last look at the small town below blanketed by the dark, light sky. He looked around. the overlook, bring back memories of. late night make outs, sneak outs and general teenaged shenanigans.

Beau remembers once on a night he was really buzzed, a rare event for him, drinking with his buddies, rather it was the buzz from the beer, or he was just 'riding the 'high off scoring the winning goal for the team, or general teen hormones. He felt invincible, so invincible he stood up on the ledge and proclaimed himself as king of the world

A moment Beau looks back at and shakes his head as if to try to erase the memory from his mind like an etch n’ sketch, suddenly he got a bad taste in his mouth or maybe that's just the cigarettes "King of world….yeah, right" Beau said pulling up the collar of his jacket and shrugging his hands into his pockets, and headed back into the car.

It was getting late and there was no use in stalling any longer, might as well continue to the inevitable. Stalling may be that’s the feeling that's been following him the whole time, stalling the fact that he would have to return to his hometown a failure after being touted and praised for being a star athlete , and getting into a ivy league school, a feat his mom was really proud since she herself couldn't go to college because of having Beau at such a young age, and having to deal with a bunch of other “BS” as Beau would put it.

Beau really wanted to make her proud by becoming a famous football player and make tons of money so she wouldn't ever have to worry about bills n 'stuff and live in the malibu dream house she dreamed of living in since she was a kid, a dream she would talk about to her children like it was fairytale during when time got real tough.Even though she sounded upbeat over the phone about the news, Beau knew his mom was an expert when it came to masking her disappointment and skill that was pretty integral with dealing Beau's birth father. He just hopes she's not too disappointed

As the twilight sky grew more dark the street lights flickered on. Familiar and nostalgic landmarks and structures rolled by as Beau drove by with one hand gripping the wheel while the other hand hung casually out of the rolled down window. the nighttime breeze gentle, tossing his cart dirty blond hair mullet. The 'murmur of punk music lighty playing from the car's speaker, that was playing louder earlier but the volume's quickly depleted because blasting punk 'music at night in a small town is pretty serious offensive a risk, a younger Beau would play around with, but now being older he knows better.

Driving into his old neighborhood, seemingly not much has changed, but what do you expect from a small town? The old neighborhood consisted of typical signatures of most middle upper class .. neighborhoods, Christmas ' decorations long over due to be taken down, manicured lawns, next to slightly less manicured lawns. Some lawns adored w/ gnomes and flamingos, a step up from the lawns of homes in his childhood neighborhood whose homes had what one could consider a lawn but just barely, Beau and his brother were lucky enough to have a sizable back yard and a tree house.

His family's lawn had a bunch of outdoor toys laid about on their lawn: a nerf gun, a pink tricycle, a tiled dyed color bouncy ball and an empty container of mega bubble wand. Beau drove up in the driveway being careful to not accidentally run over any of the toys in the yard.

He eject the mixtape from the player and put it into his jacket chest pocket. Beau leaned over and rummaged through the glove compartment fishing out a small travel can of axe's body spray and another small spray can of mouthwash, he used both to cover the scent of cigarette smoke, a smell his mother was highly sensitive to. He popped in a stick of spearmint for extra measure before getting out of the car and going to the trunk to retrieve his suitcase. Beau only had one suitcase since all the stuff really needed and cared about conveniently fitted in one suitcase.

Beau propped up his suitcase as he closed the trunk, the car beeped and blinked as he pressed the lock button. He headed up the pathway to the front door, his heart beating louder and louder with each step leading up to the front door.

Beau took a deep breath, Pulling himself together. "Okay" He said under his breath as his hand slowly reach for the knob but before he could even get a good grip, the door swung open, Beau's eyes raced up to see the thinning hair of a middle aged man, Beau eyes lowered a bit more to see the mustached clad face of the man the hair belonged to. "Hey, Big Boss! '' the mustache man said with a grin. The man was Beau's stepfather, David.

"Hello, David, I-I mean Dad." Beau awkwardly greeted his stepdad, trying his best not to show discomfort at his step dad's “nickname" for him.

"Ha, ha that's okay, son!”David laughed, giving Beau a hefty pat on the back.

"Here, let me get your bags." David said, reaching for Beau's suitcase, looking behind Beau expecting more bags

“You only brought one bag?" he questioned, looking curiously.

'--I like to be efficient" Beau muttered with a shrug and a side glance. "HAHA you and me both, Big B" David chuckled playful elbowing Beau, who gave a half-smile and a small chuckle--well, more like a slight nose huff

"Hey, honey Big B is home!" David shouted as Beau closed the front door.

His mother came rushing from the bedroom in her rose pink robe w/a barbie in insignia on the front with matching fuzzy slippers, her sandy blond hair still damp from the shower.

"My little boy, oh!" she said, warping Beau in a tight motherly embrace. "Welcome home!" Beau's mother pulled back for a second, cupping her son's face in her hands “you’re still so handsome"

"Wait..." Beau gently removed his mom's hands from his face "Are you okay, mom?" He asked his considerate brown eyes searching his mother's teal eyes for any sign of distress.

"Of course, sweetie," his mom beamed. "I have all of my loved ones under one roof. What's more to ask?"

it's just that I didn't- Y-you know." Beau said with downcast eyes

"Oh, that" his mom said wide eyes and then shaking her head in dismissed

"Don't worry about not finishing college, I mean just look at me"

“But You just seemed so proud that I got in, I just didn't want to let you down"

“Sweetie, it's fine," his mom said, gently guiding his head up with her hand to look at him "I was not proud that-You were becoming the smart, sweet kind young man, I always knew you were, but now. I'm just happy that you’re here and I get to see you go. on the journey myself!" Beau chuckled tightly and blushed at his mom's admiration.

"Plus, Your mom's not the only one who is happy to have You home!” David said, gesturing towards the hallway. Beau looked to see a small figure peeking from the corner, the figure quickly disappeared followed by an overflow of giggles.

A smile slowly creeped across Beau's face, he slowly kneeled down. " "Gasp * Is that my little care bear?"

From the shadows totted out, a little girl dressed in a blue care bear patterned nightgown, her blonde hair tied up in pigtails, she grasped a love-a-lot bear in one arm while her other arm was open as she raced towards Beau, also with arms wide open for a hug "Bo-Bo"

"Hey, care bear!" Beau cooed as he picked up his little sister "Wow, You've gotten so big since the last time I saw you!

"Carrie's been asking when you were coming since you told us you were coming home "David stated

"Really?"

"Yep!'' Carrie nodded proudly "You still have the love-a lot bear I won at grad night". Beau vividly remembers winning Love A Lot and his friends making fun of him, but Carrie really appreciated it more than he thought.

"Yeah, she takes it with her everywhere!" mom emphasized “Thank god, the kindergarten has a security blanket policy!

"Aww..." Beau said fondly looking at Carrie, who had her head resting on his shoulder, still grasping love a lot.

Beau thought for a moment and looked around "wait, where Dev?"

"Oh" mom said putting her hand on her head with a semi sigh "He's been going through... things"

"Teenager things: David specified "He's the big one three now.. "

“Don't worry, I can talk to him!”Beau said, confidently, slowly nodding his head

. Carrie lets out a small yawn "Aw, you sleepy, care bear?" Beau asked as Carrie rubbed her eyes

"It's past her bedtime, but she really wanted to see you," Mom said, stroking Carrie's hair. "Is someone ready for the sleep shuttle'?" Beau asked Carrie, looking at her in her sleepy hazel eyes, she nodded in response

"Alright, Here we go!" Beau held Carrie in both hands placing his arms out in front of him, he kneeled down and started counting down. "3…..2...1. Blast off!"

Beau shot Carrie in the as he stood back up. As he moved towards Carrie's bedroom, he moved all around side to side, up and down while making spaceship sounds, Carrie was giggling all the way through.

"Incoming! "Beau shouted as he swooshed Carrie round a few more times before landing her swiftly on the bed.

"Huston, the eagle. has landed!." Beau said, holding his ear as if he had an earpiece "Not eagle! Bear!" Carrie stated holding up her care bear "correction, the "BEAR" has landed!" Beau correcting himself, bringing a huge smile to her face as she nuzzled her care bear

"Okay, night, right, care bear" Beau said patting carries head

"Wait!" Carrie said holding on to her brother's arm "Is Bo-Bo still gonna be here in the Morning?""Of course, I'm not going anywhere at least for a while.." "Beau said, kneeling down to Carrie's eye level.

"Okay, I like having Bo-Bo around:'' Carrie said "and I like being around" Beau said, "see you in the morning, care bear" Beau gives Carrie a good night kiss on the forehead.

She settles into bed as Beau closes the door. Beau grinned to himself, feeling lucky to have such a cute sister. He remembers when Devin was that little, speaking of Dev. Beau apphoraced Dev's bedroom door. The door was caution tape, Don't enter signs, with a please knock before entering sign.

At first Beau did think about knocking but then thought "I could be a respectful older brother respect the sign or I could have fun and be a little shit. He pondered about it for a minute then-"yeah, I'm gonna be a little shit.”

Beau took a card out his wallet and wedged it in between the door to jimmied the lock. He peeked through the door to see Dev playing a video game on the tv. "you little..." Beau said under his breath, before bombastically opening the door "Hey there, squirt!" Beau said, shoving the door open

"Didn't you read the sign?!" Dev said as he turned around in his gamer chair in both shock-and annoyance

"Wow, that's a pretty warm welcome to give your older brother you haven't seen in a year!" Beau snarked, pretending to look hurt'' "Nice to see you too!"

"Oh my god!" Dev said, rolling his eyes and turning his chair back to tv, bringing his attention back to the game.

"and here I thought you were working on a project or homework or some school shit!" Beau continued "but no, you're just sitting here playing one of your little nerd games"

"Oh my god, can't you just leave!" Dev groaned as he hunching closer to the tv.

"You couldn't at least say "Hi" " Beau said now standing right behind Dev gamer chair

Dev raised and waved his hand half-heartedly and flatly said "hi"

"Well, damn I feel loved," Beau said sarcastically. "aren't you at least gonna look at me?" shaking the gaming chair a bit to gain an ounce of his little brother’s attention.

“ I saw you "Kool aid man" into my room. Is that enough?" Dev said still focusing on the game Beau sighed, then got an idea "Dev! Dev! I think there's something wrong with my heart I think I gonna-ugh!" He said staggering forward a bit before falling in Dev's lap, knocking out the game controller out of Dev's hands.

"Come on! I was in the middle of battle!" Dev whined looking at his brother playing dead

"Get off of me!" Dev go armed as he tried to push beau off with no luck

"Come on, Beau!" He gored in frustration “I know you're not dead! I can still feel your heartbeat..."

Get up!" Beau remained still, Dev rolled his eyes; he knew the exact words to get his brother off his back or in this case lap.

"Big brother, can you please get off of me n Dev utter begrudgingly "Aw, you haven't call me ‘Big brother’ in years" Beau chimed with a smile, finally getting up "I'm still kind of hurt, that you cared about your gaming progress than the well being for your one and only big brother"

"You were still breathing, I could literally see you inhaling and exhaling." Dev clarified rubbing his forehead

"Touche, I guess" Beau said he then directed Dev's chair in front his bed," now that I have your attention"

"Okay, I guess I should say sorry since you couldn't and say "hi" to me because you were too busy saving some elf princess, or some anime chick with huge melons"

"I-H-Hey I don't even play those types of games!" Dev argued blushing

" .-sure you "don't'." Beau taunted with a wink, Dev goanned "Anyways, Anyways you don't have to say "hi",; but you could at least not talk to me"

Beau suggested, shrugging. "I guess" Dev mumbled kind of sinking into his chair "cool, so how's life?" Beau started, trying to start a diagoul "okay"

"How's school?"

"Okay"

"How’re your friends?"

"Okay"

"Got a girlfriend?"'

"NO”

"Got a boyfriend?"

N-NO"

"Got any crushes"

“….NO…..."

"joined any clubs or any other after school junk?"

" ..... NO..."

"Are you just gonna answer all my questions in one word?"

Dev fell quiet, and shifted his gaze from his brother

“Okay, that's it!" Beau huffed, he picked up Dev and hoasted him over his shoulder "Hey! put me down!" Dev-shouted , beating his fists on Beau's back "Not until you talk to me like an actual person, and one worded answers aren't gonna cut it, squirt!"

"MOM! Dad!"

"Mom and Dav-Dad are fast asleep, and you know they both sleep like rocks!" Beau stated'' the only person you'll wake up is Carrie, and You don't want to wake little care bear, now do YOU?"

Dev fell Quiet again, "You know I can hold you like this for hours, you aren't really that heavy, or you can just end this and talk to me" Beau suggested ending the suggestion with a sigh and started to stomp his foot impatiently..

Dev continued the silent treatment for a bit until letting out a meek "Okay...I'll try" .

Hey, three words, that's a start!" Beau cheekly commented,He sat Dev back down in his green gamer chair.

"Okay, do over!" Beau said casually sitting across from Dev and his bed. "so, how's school going?" "F-fine” Beau gave Dev a intense look, reminding Dev of his word count “N-no, I mean it's just weird" Dev stuttered choosing his words carefully, Dev fiddled with his hoodie sleeves.

"and it's weird because..." Beau initiated, gesturing his hand toward encouraging Dev to continue "It's weird because.... I don't know, Middle school is way different than 'elementary school, I mean I knew that from tv, but middle school isn't like tv."

"It's okay, nothing like tv, that thing lies” Beau softly chuckled to himself and continued “I remember thinking Pogo sticks were the SHIT-cuz 'of people and cartoons on tv made it look so easy"

"I finally got enough money for one-- you were like little you probably don’t remember this-- but I was SO HYPED, I wanted mom to watch me. I took one hop, fell on my ass, and never hopped on that bitch again. I was pissed, I think mom was trying to her best not to laugh but I was so pissed I think I didn’t notice until now. I chucked the pogo stick in the garage, and I never looked at that bitch again”

Dev let out a stiff laugh, the defensive wall Dev put was slowly breaking

"Oh WAIT WAIT!” Beau said taking a moment to correct himself “ That WASN’T the last time the last time I looked that bitch, I fished it out of garage years later, only cuz’ I need some money for Madden. So, I did look at that bitch one more time, but only to sell that bitch.”

Dev let out a more audible laugh, but quickly caught himself and recollected, returned to his disillusioned teenage state.

"Anyway, The teacher's are kind of weird, like a lot of them hate my guts already, except for the coaches who are super nice to me." Dev explained, kind of looking away from his brother

"Weird, why do you think that is?" Beau asked whole hearty

"Because I'm related to you, Numb skull!" Dev blunted , groaning putting his hand on his forehead

"Oh damn, I guess that's my fault." Beau realized, rubbing the back of his neck "My bad. that my awesomeness is just lengardy"

Dev shook his head and rolled his eyes "It's not awesome to live in YOUR shadow!" Dev sulked, sinking back into his chair, his hands covering his face.

"You don't have to follow in my awesomeness, I know I'm a hard act to follow." Beau boasted teastingly so"You just gotta make your own awesomeness."

"What does that even mean?" Dev questioned, moving his hands down, allowing his eyes to peek through his fingers, trying not to given the urge to roll his eyes

"It's like my awesomeness comes from my boyish charm and good looks..." Beau claimed, striking an award winning smile, The urge not to roll his eyes was becoming even hard for Dev, but he still had to try and respect Beau "But your awesomeness could come from being good at games, or computers shit or math or robots or something--I don't know something real nerdy"

"I guess, you're right" Dev mumbled and shrugged,lifting himself up back into a sitting position rather than almost spilling out of his chair.

"Its not a guess, its science!" Beau declared proudly, tapping his temple with his index finger

"No,that's not science!" Dev arguing his brother's stupidity, flatly shaking his head in disagreement

"See, there you go using your nerd awesomeness" Beau pointed out with a wink "Keep that up and you'll go from Beau's lil bro, to just ‘Dev’ in no time." Beau playful tousled Devs mop dirty blonde hair

"I mean.." Dev continued batting his brother's hand away, "I was also thinking of joining the video game club or the robotics club at school."

"There you go another nerdy thing that to add to your own awesomeness" Beau said

"Yeah...." Dev continued ignoring his brother's comment' “Some of my friends are thinking about joining, and it would be a nice place to go away from mom and dad."

"I had sick memories of hanging out with the team, we got into some wild shit." Beau said laughing to himself, fondly reminiscing "But I'm sure you and you geek squad could have "wild" times too, like making an anime robot 'weify." or whatever those called or finding a new math formula or something"

Dev fell quiet for another moment, Beau always seems like he’s in between being supportive and subtly roasting him, Dev then uttered "um... I think I kind of have a crush... on a girl..."

"AYE, let's go! "Beau exclaimed, clapping and shaking Dev's chair for a bit before bouncing back on the bed'' Come on, don't leave me hanging, what's her name? "Have you talked to her vet? Have you asked her out? Have-"

"Calm down!" Dev demanded "I said I had a crush, I didn't say we’re going out.'"

"Oh, so you haven’t talked to her, huh?”

"No, I-I don't even know her name" Dev huffed, he let his arms slip into his oversize sleeves and covered his sleeves with his face in frustration.

"You know you could just ask, not the chick, like just ask around"

"I can't do that because if I do, people will find out I like her and if she finds out, I would just have to stop going to school!”

"Okay, let’s just pretend you DO have the balls to talk to this girl, what's the worst that could happen?" Beau suggested

"She finds out that I like her, thinks I'm weird and never wants to talk to me again or even look at me!” Dev muffled through his sleeved covered face

"You really think she can sus that out all in one go!" Beau said "I mean she is a middle Schooler unless she's like a young nancy drew, she is not going to chew you up and spit out like that." Beau explained "speaking of which''

Beau paused for a moment to spit out his gum into the trash can "Score!"

"Anyways, have you done anything weird to her or around her?"

"No, I mean I look at her in the hallways before and in between class, but I don't like-- stalk her or anything too weird." Dev mumbled, moving his sleeves from his face, but his head was still targeted down at his fingers fiddling with a tag on his black shorts

"So, then what's the fear?" Beau inquired, resting his chin on the heel of his palm

Dev thought for a moment, his eyes shifting looking for an answer." I-I guess I just don't know how to talk to her."

"Well, fuck, that's easy" Beau chuckled “Just talk about school shit, or just say "hi"

"Is it really that easy?"

"Yeah, if you have the balls for it" Beau reiterated "Think about it like this, the dudes you play in your little nerd games have to fight a dragon, a demon or some anime witch with huge melons to talk to the girl they like and they er brave enough to do all of that wacky shit. But you’re lucky, you don't have a dragon for real in your way to keep you talking from your crush. The dragon's just in your head! If those hero dudes can fight dragons they actually can see, doesn't that mean you can fight a dragon you don't even see."

"That was a really lame and kind of confusing metaphor" Dev sassed " But I guess understand what your trying to say"

"Exactly" Beau said nodding confidentiality

"Can we talk about mom and dad?" Dev asked sheepishly, looking up at his brother, (well as much as he could with his shaggy bangs in the way), his fingers now toying with his hoodie strings

"Did something happen?"

"No, I mean yeah, I mean it's just weird" Dev said "Mom and dad are starting to get more annoying but I don't know if they were always like that or they like charged"

"No, parents don't really change-usually” Beau explained “It's just that being a teenager makes you hypersensitive to a bunch of shit and makes you wanna be alone more. Parents, the good ones like spending time with their kids and they actually want quality time n' shit and that's where they start to get annoying".

“"Oh okay,” Dev nodded.'' It's just weird because sometimes I feel like I hate them, but I don't want to. I think I just really want to be alone more like you said but I don't want to shut them out, I just want them to get that." Dev-fiddles with the strings of his green hoodie

"Yeah, I think they do in a weird old people kind of way. Believe it or not they were teenagers to even if that was back in the stone age n' shit" Beau joke"

Dev let out an actual laugh, a sign to Beau that he's little bro was being less of a moody teenager

"Anyway, even with that said mom and david-I mean dad aren't mind readers, it would be cool if you give them a heads up, you don't have to tell them all about what's going on in your little teen nerd brain but at least something simple like something weird or funny that happened at school, or asking for help on homework or a project for class or some shit like that, I'm pretty sure Dav-dad would love that.."

"I guess I could try". Dev said slightly nodding his head "But Carrie is kind of weird too!

"How can Carrie be weird, she's 5.” Beau scoffed "she doesn't do anything weird really"

Dev added" it's just sometimes she's regular cute and other times she's annoyingly cute if that makes sense"

"I mean like kind of get what you're saying but "Beau shrugged gesturing his hand toward prompting Dev to continue

"Like I still look out for her because she little, but because she's little that means I have to do dumb stuff like look for monsters under her bed or do that sleep shuttle thing you do, but I can't really do it because my arms give out halfway through and she's heavier than she looks."

"Well, little brothers and sisters are annoying, it's kind of their job, trust me I know from experience" Beau: put his hand on Dev's knee, Dev tried to Swat at it but Beau quickly put his hand back with a smirk.

"But like with mom and da-David just cuz she's annoying doesn't mean You can’t look out for her n stuff"

"I guess, its because lately, it seems like'' Dev paused 'for a beat, his hands hard gripping the strings of his hoodie, before continuing" I don't know mom and dad have been paying more attention to her than me"

A mischievous smile creeps across his face. "AW does someone miss being the baby?"'

"Oh, fuck! I knew you 'er gonna say that!" Dev blurted out, feeling really exposed, he pulled his hoodie strings allowing his head to be consumed by his hoodie, all but his nose.

"Hey! language,” Beau said, surprised at his little brother's reaction those harsh words coming out of the mouth of small boy sporting a Yoshi hoodie

"You cuss' all the time!" Dev huffed pulling his hoodie back down, then crossing his arm definitely

"Yeah, but I'm older than you, and if mom and David--DAD hear you curse they’er gonna know you got it from me and won't get off my ass about it!"

Dev stared at his brother, simmering in frustration in failing to coming up w/a good come back or a flaw in his brother's logic, He let out a heavy sigh and resumed "Anyways, it's NOT like I miss being the baby, I just miss being able to hold their attention without Carrie coming in and stealing them anyway, I don't know its weird"

"Wait, did you just say that you wanted to be alone and away from mom and David-fuck. I'm not even gonna try more-he's asleep anyways." giving up any attempt to make the word "Dad" same with the name "David"

"Yeah, I know that's what makes it weird!" Dev admitted, he sulked back deeper into his chair and let out a groan.

"You know Carrie's not awake all the time, maybe you can talk to mom and David, when she goes down for her nap, hell, I could just take her to the park for a day." Beau offered

"You'd really do that for me?" Dev peeped, quickly lifting himself up in a sitting position, surprised at his brother kind offer

"Yeah, anything to make you less of a weird angsty shut in, with a bunch of cringy keep out signs and keep out tape!" Beau gestured towards the door

"Actually, I got that caution tape from a real crime scene" Dev clarified, with a smug smile

"Really?" Beau taking a longer closer look at the door

"No, thick head, I found it in a dumpster next to party city!"

"You go dumpster diving?" Beau said, raising an eyebrow

"I have a life outside of YOU!" Dev stated proudly

"Okay, and on that... Weird garbage goblin flex, sibling bonding time is over." Beau said getting up from the bed and heading for the door

"Actually, one more thing..." Beau said quickly, turning around, rushing towards Dev, putting him into a headlock.

"Did ya miss me? Come on, tell me that you missed me!" Beau taunted as he gave his brother a long and through noogie "Ouch, Ow, Ow, Okay, okay, I missed You. Geez:" Dev pleaded trying to struggle out of his brother's grip

"That's what I wanted to hear!" Beau said with a smirk, letting 'Dev go.

"Ugh! my hair" Dev fumed , gawking at his even more messy mop of hair.

"Like you care about appearances" Beau chuckled" mop top nerd!"

"Mullet-hair metal meathead!"

"Ouch, that was pretty good" Beau teased pretending to look hurt "Garbage Goblin"

"You already-"Dev started but was cut off by Beau closing the door

"Too late, the door is closed, I can't hear you, which means I win!" Beau said through the door, laughing at his brother's muffled fury of frustration.

Beau grinned relishing in the absolute confusion of his younger brother, but that good vibe quickly faded once he arrived at the door to his old bedroom. He just stood there and stared at the door for a bit, he could feel the icky stew of the emotions from bubbling back up again.

He flexed his hand a few times as if this was the first time he's ever pored a door, Beau's hand reached for the door handle before retracted as if the knob was red hot.

Beau sheepishly looked around as if somebody was watching him, no one was but it sure did feel like it. He considered sleeping on the couch, but that would be weird, since it seemed like his step dad put his luggage in his room. so, eventually he would have to go into his room anyway.

Beau took a deep breath. "Come on, it's just a door, dude!" He told himself Beau's hand rested on the door knob, he took another deep, his hand gained a stronger grip, and he slowly pushed the door open, Beau carefully entered the room as he closed the door behind him. Looking around the room was plaster with posters of football players and a few pinups of doe-eye, sensual women in swimsuits and other scantily clad outfits.

Athletic medals, trophies and awards displayed proudly on his bookshelf that lacked any actual books, those trophies stood next to pictures of Beau with his teammates, all illuminated by the moon's dull pale blue light. These relics of what felt like a bygone era used to fill Beau with so much pride and joy but looking at them now just leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

He could barely even recognize himself in those photos. This whole room felt like a shrine or more like a tomb to someone who no longer exists.

Looking at all this stuff just made the icky feelings from before rise up to the back of his throat making the bad taste linger even longer.

Beau couldn't really pin what-these feelings were, so he shifted his focus on just getting some sleep

As he thought, Beau's step dad put his luggage on his bed. He opened his bag and quickly changed into a white tank top and some grey sweatpants. He fished out the mix tape from his jean jacket and put into the gray clucky music player on his nightstand. Beau turns the music up loud enough for him to hear but not loud enough for disturb anyone else. Heavy metal music (ironally) helped him sleep on hard nights.

Beau laid in bed focusing on the one spot in his room that wasn't decorated with high school memorabilia. Focusing on that spot was way better than focusing on the icky feelings from earlier. All he needed to was focus on sleep just sleep, Beau closed his eyes and tried to focus on just sleep.

The next time Beau opened his eyes, he was back in the hallway of his highschool. Beau looked around confused why he was back here but before he could really sus out the situation, his thoughts were interrupted by a loud thud. He followed the sound of the thud that led to a scene of a bespectacled student being shoved up against the lockers. The student's face contorted by fear.

"P-please, d-don't hurt me. "the student uttered, the words quivering as it left his lips.

"Aww, look at him, guys." a familiar voice said, Beau couldn't see whom the voice belonged to. There was a strange mist in the hallway that obscured the person's face.-

"He's scared." the voice said mockly, the person nodded towards a group of people whose faces were also obscured by the mist, they laughed in response

“Don't worry, little buddy, I'm not gonna hurt ya:" the person taunted as he tightened his grip on the student and shoved his body up against the failing student. "As long as you don't squeal" .

"You squeal, and I'll fry you like the pig you are, got it. Swine?"

"I-I p-promise I W-won't. J-just please let me go!" the student begged

Beau was disturbed by scene happening before him, but along with the feel of disgust came a feeling of familiarity, like he's been there before

Just then the fog lift to reveal the face of a younger version of Beau dawned in his red “New Burny High school” letterman jacket. He was smirking relish in the fear he was inflicting on the poor student.

Older Beau slowly back up, almost stumbling as he was coming to the realization of the origin of all those icky feelings from before

"I don't know, do we trust him, guys?" Younger beau asked cocking his head back to his teammates, who shook their head in disagreement "The Boys and I don't seem very sure of that, I think I'm gonna have to test your loyalty !" Younger Beau winded up his arm for a punch, But before his fist could make an impact.

Beau found himself back in his room in a cold sweat, hyperventilating as quickly rose from his bed. His room, still illuminated by the moonlight, with the metal mix tape softly playing in the background. He looked at his hand as if they were lethal weapons. How could I do such a thing?

[aesthetically-pleasing-babe]

Little + CG Application::

#1 Little Application:: ♡Name: I go by Fabio (I don’t really like my name :(   )

♡Big Age: 18

♡Little Age: I don’t know? I think 2-5

♡Role: Sub/little (for this application at least because I am also a cg)

♡Gender: Female

♡Sexuality: Bi

♡Location: Georgia, United States

♡Preferred Age: Not that much older than mee

♡Preferred Gender: No preference; open to anybody!

♡Close or LDR: Preferably close, but I can make a LDR work!!

♡Sexual/Non-Sexual/TBD Relationship: TBD. Anything irl will start as non-sexual until I’m comfortable. If it is strictly going to be online, then I’m a little more flexible. Although, my age regression/littlespace is purely non-sexual for me.

♡Monogamous or Polygamous: Monogamous, could try out Poly.

♡Little Likes: Painting, coloring, cuddles, drawing, singing, music (I have playlists made), cartoons, Disney movies, the color pink, ice cream and being playful

♡Little Dislikes: Mean people, yelling, bullies, impatience, vegetables, wet or sticky clothing

♡Little self: Shy at first, sensitive, gets overly excited and happy loud at times, very soft and sweet, can easily switch from being bratty to being submissive and back again. Very kind and compassionate, honest, and loyal.

♡Big Interests and likes: Drawing, Colorguard, Music (anything except country, sorryyy), singing, psychology, true crime, aesthetically pleasing stuff

♡Big dislikes: Ignorant people, Mr. Cheeto man, homophobes, transphobia, sexism 

♡What are you looking for in a caregiver: Somebody who cares about me, someone to take care of me and support me and will be there when I need it. I want somebody who I can be friends with, who I can laugh with, and who I am compatible with. Somebody who won’t hurt me, cheat on me, or abandon me.

♡Deal Breakers: Lying, cheating, abuse, triggers my traumas (after they know of them), trying to push me into something I’m not ready for, pushing me too far out of my comfort zone, violating established limits #2 Caregiver Application:: ✨Name: Fabio (but you can call me whatever nickname you want hun) ✨Age: 18 ✨Role: Mommy/CG ✨Gender: Female ✨Sexuality: Bisexual ✨Location: Georgia, United States ✨Preferred Age: TBD ✨Preferred Gender: I don’t mind! ✨Close or LDR: I wouldn’t mind either one! I can make them both work! ✨Sexual/Nonsexual/TBD/Platonic: TBD! I like being more of a platonic CG. But we could be in a relationship. I am completely SFW. ✨Monogamous/Polygamous: Monogamous put could try poly. ✨Dislikes: intolerance, impatience, racism, homophobia, sexism, superiority complexes, god complexes, the big Cheeto man. ✨CG Personality: I’m very protective of my little, a little clingy, a very good listening and very patient. I would describe myself as a soft CG. 

✨Personality: Im a very humorous and chill person, most people describe me as sweet, caring and loving! ✨Interests and stuff that I like: Drawing, Colorguard, Music (anything except country, sorryyy), singing, psychology, true crime, aesthetically pleasing stuff ✨Things you like as a caregiver to do with your little: I love little space in general, I find littles so adorable! I love drawings and colorings, I love playing with my little, I always make sure that my little one eats his/her/their meals and has a healthy and fun routine, and I always make sure my little is comfortable and padded. I just want my little to feel loved, appreciated, cared for and comfortable in and out of littlespace! ✨What exactly you’re looking for in a little: Anything really! I don’t have anything really in mind and I won't judge! Someone whose very clingy as me, who needs a lot of attention and has positive thinking about his/her/their little space. ✨Deal breakers: Lying, cheating, abuse, triggers my traumas (after they know of them), trying to push me into something I’m not ready for, pushing me too far out of my comfort zone, violating established limits

♡How to Contact✨:

(I dont really use social mediaaa sorryyy)

Tumblr:: Aesthetically-pleasing-babe Tumblr (2):: Fabio_nic13 Yubo:: Fabio_nic13

♡(If you choose to contact me, please let me know you are contacting me from this so I don’t accidentally ignore you! 😊)✨

[fuckyeahjeremyclarkson]

When I was a small boy, we’d eat out once a year, always at the Berni Inn in Doncaster. The choices were not extensive. To start, it was either grapefruit juice or pineapple juice, and then it was breaded plaice or steak. Mind you, customers were able to choose how they’d like their meat cooked. For an hour. Or for much, much longer. The vegetables, meanwhile, went into the pot when you booked the table.

I knew this was wrong, even when I was only six, because my dad was a fanatical cook. He would cook for people all day. He cooked for the postman. He cooked for the women who worked for my mum in the barn at the bottom of the garden. And when he ran out of people to cook for, he’d make elaborate cakes for the birds.

He would rise at six so he could start cooking and I still yearn for some of the things he made. Tripe in a simple milk sauce, especially. And his roasted heart was one of the cornerstones of my childhood. Alongside Mungo Jerry, being bullied and the hedgehog-print jeans my mum made for me because Levi’s were too expensive. And which were the root cause of much of the bullying.

Later, in my teens, he would take me to London occasionally, and we’d go to a restaurant at 235 King’s Road, which was called 235 King’s Road. Or an Italian place on the Earls Court Road called Il Palio, where Bruno the owner and his chef would have furious rows all night long. And then at lunchtime, he’d take me to a place he knew in Marylebone for a salt beef sandwich.

Later, as my mum’s business started to become more successful, we’d go to San Lorenzo in Beauchamp Place and Odin’s, which belonged to Peter Langan. And I didn’t like the food they cooked because it wasn’t plain. It wasn’t simple. It wasn’t tripe in a milk sauce. It wasn’t roast heart.

Much later, AA Gill did his best to make me understand food and cooking. He would take me to places where the rabbit tasted like bacon and the pigeon like ham, and he would swoon and kiss the chef on the mouth. And I’d stare wistfully at my pigeon, thinking, “If I’d wanted something that tasted like ham, I’d have ordered ham.”

This is why I despise all provincial restaurants today. And please don’t write to tell me about a place your daughter-in-law has just opened in Penrith, because I won’t like that either. In restaurants outside London, it’s always about the chef’s ability to create a visual taste sensation. No one’s allowed to talk. You are expected to sit there in reverential silence, marvelling at how the single piece of cress is a perfect accompaniment for the bubbles in the broth.

And it’s bollocks. When I go out to eat, it’s because I can’t be arsed to do the washing-up. I want exactly what I’d make at home, only without the faff of making it. Shepherd’s pie. Spaghetti bolognaise. Lamb chops with new potatoes. And no effing sauce. I also don’t want a new concept, where I order 876 little things and then share them all with the people on the table by the loo. Or plates made from wood, or metal. I swear to God, restaurants that do this always provide cutlery that you can’t hold properly, so you can’t stab the waiter.

What a whopper: Clarkson lovingly cradles a marrow grown in the new kitchen garden at his 1,000-acre farm in Oxfordshire

What I hate most of all, though, is travelling with film crews. Because when we are abroad, they treat food as fuel. Which means we never walk the streets looking for the sort of restaurant that does home cooking well. They just eat whatever is provided at the hotel, which is almost always like the sort of food you get in Birmingham.

Nicola Formby — aka the Blonde made famous by AA Gill’s reviews — is always suggesting little places in back streets that do great gnocchi on a bed of lightly killed rattlesnake, but I don’t want that. I want simple. I had roast grasshoppers in Cambodia and Burma and they were terrific. I had a trout, plucked from the stream next to my table in Croatia, and then grilled. And that was even better. But the absolute best food I’ve ever eaten was a bruschetta in Bologna. Bread. Olive oil. Tomatoes. Basil, probably, and maybe some balsamic vinegar. I can’t be sure because after smoking half a million cigarettes, my taste buds have the sensitivity of steel. All I knew is they were really good tomatoes on a really nice piece of bread.I can add another couple of things to this list of culinary triumphs. The chicken pho by a chef called Ms No at the Six Senses Con Dao island resort off Vietnam. And the Denny’s breakfast experience in any of those Reacher towns in the red bits of America.If you break a perfectly poached egg, and in Denny’s the poached eggs are always perfect, onto their hash browns, I swear you end up with a taste sensation that would stop Jesus in his tracks. I have searched the world for hash browns made the Denny’s way, but when they’re offered, the chef has always suffused them with his own twist. By which I mean “ruined them”.

I have a similar global quest to find a better eggs benedict than the one I was given at the then Regent Hotel in Hong Kong, back in 1988. So far, it’s no dice. No one gets the simplicity right. Simplicity is always the key to my enjoyment of food. It’s why, when I cook, I never use cheese unless what I’m making is cheese on toast or a cheese sandwich. This is because cheese is a powerful flavour that sits in the pan like the Russian president sits in a room full of diplomats from former Soviet states. It’s the same story with bacon. Pop that into the mix and what you always end up with is something that tastes of bacon.

“Are you not getting the delicate hints of pomegranate?”

“Nope. Just bacon.”

All of which takes me back to my dad’s roast heart. I sometimes look online for how this might be made and what I get is “roasted ox heart stuffed with a mushroom duxelle” or “beef heart braised in wine” or “lamb’s heart stuffed with lemon thyme and streaky bacon”. No. And then no again.

And nor can you serve them with a Dover sole so you have the chance for a jokey “Heart and Sole” offering in the menu. I just want heart. I like the taste of it as it is. I like the texture and all I want added is a spoonful of mashed potato to mop up the blood.

I’ve just started an internet thing called FoodTribe, on which people can share thoughts and ideas on food. And I’m going to be sharing this quest for simplicity a lot. I may even go further and start turning the stuff I grow on my farm into straightforward food that I can sell in my simple, straightforward, unheated shop.

As I write, I have three sheep that are due to go “down the road”. I feel sad in some ways, but I’m cheered by the fact that I can have their hearts. And even more cheered by the fact that I’ve accidentally grown 20 tons of potatoes. It’s going to be a supper that makes me feel young again and it will be the first I’ve grown entirely by myself.

Yes. I started a kitchen garden earlier this year and have spent the past few months taking a weird pride that the spring onions, and the carrots and the peas and especially the golden beets, all of which were grown by my own . . . ability to tell girlfriend, Lisa, and gardener, Josh, exactly what I like.I don’t know why we enjoy eating vegetables that we’ve grown ourselves more than those grown by some disinterested Mexican on minimum wage. Maybe it’s because we know we haven’t urinated on them. Or because we know that no carbon was burnt in their trip from the soil to our table. But whatever the reason, we do. And I cannot wait to do that with meat as well. It’s simplicity in its purest form.

Jeremy’s recipes will be added to the next post to avoid this one turning into an enormous monster

[dustywilddaisy]

Let's talk... Although I'm bad at it.

Since I don’t know where to go again to get rid of my mess up mind after working or doing that Goddamned college things, I always managed to visit this small yet modest bookstore in town. Reading couple of happy or epic stories or simply sharing what’s in your brain with people there could at least create mild thinking. And I have those couple friends, the owners of the place where I learn everything about reading people’s mind. Quite funny but there they are. They’ve saved me from things that I want you to know right down below.

In one occasion, last year.. One of the owners asked me bout something that I really didn’t want to answer. “How’s your relationship so far?” To avoid ‘being bullied’ all I could answer was “This is my first one and I cannot imagine it could be this long last! Thank God.”

I know I was not in a good condition with my bf. Until this sentence, I will start to tell you that this is what I reallyyy wanted to talk to A so far, but I know I am bad at talking (beside of the fact that I didn’t have enough time with him, plus I also avoid chat-fights cause of me that probably couldn’t understand his full-time activities, but you know I’ve tried to be OK for his absence for months). I faced sooo many unpleasant things in the end of 2016. Problems emerged from every direction yet I didn’t have the one who can at least listen and lighten my psychological burdens. I couldn’t sleep at all at nights. I still could throw jokes with friends, looked fine outside but inside this head, dead, making me see a doctor who gave me 5 pills to take whenever feeling restless. Thank God I only took 3 and I could get my sleeping melody back. Cause it was the only thing I needed.

I thought I had a family, but what would you do if your brother also disappointed you and put a great shame on your family? I felt nothing at that time but anxiety and disappointment with my brother, even until now. Mom and sister were also terminally ill and were hospitalized. I just didn’t understand, A, the one who I thought I could run to seem to make a distance. I tried to reflect the long way behind even If I did wrong in our relationship and tried to fix it by giving him more than I could, let’s say, or simply taking him as he is. Yet, I also thought of how a man/boy loves his woman/girl the same way he ‘respects’ her. I got even more scared and worried, afraid of his leaving cause he also didn’t seem to understand that I badly needed him at that time. For bf is one of those we can run to, right? I wish he were there since I never insisted him with sort of big things. I only needed him barefeet, barehands, open arms, initiation, and a slight sensitivity. But, I started to understand that I wasn’t his priority. It was OK though we probably needed distance before I found out that our distance would last forever and started knowing that there was no difference between being a single and being in a relationship. I also decided to put off my thesis proposal until I could finally get everything right. I got myself as busy as possible so that I could fuck off things that killed me and made me stay awake during nights.

Good thing I met those new friends, and I also started working with a botanical artist since art is also one of my favorites. Besides, I also got chances to learn to survive, literally with rupiahs that are made only by myself. It was not easy though to keep your burdens alone while you also work to death feeding yourself trying not to begging money from parents who were let down to the bone. That’s one thing that I still cannot accept until now.

I started thinking I needed to begin to leave everything behind. That wise friend of mine, at the bookstore, knows everything behind it. He knew what I’ve been hiding inside. Yeah, he’s able to read people’s mind. That’s weird but I don’t know why true. I eventually told him that it hurts being the one who loves more. It also hurts to see bf hanging out with friends in our anniversary, why he didn’t manage to visit in an occasion that only happens once a year. It hurts to know that bf clearly states his boredom towards you. It hurts to see your family being let down that way. It hurts to take those so called medicines. It hurts to feel all those things in the same time. It hurts to carry them all alone. :(

I finally met that one, a guitarist friend whom I still cannot describe until now. I don’t know what made me choose him over A. Is it my non-stop prayers to God, my lone, my unconsciousness, or is it his talkative and unique self that accidentally stroke the very part of me, waking up the feeling that was in slumber? I won’t say that he’s better than A, of course he’s not since people have limits that we should take unconditionally, right? Still cannot define it but he was with me at that time. I hope until the future since I know the great deals that I have to take to move on from a 4,5-year-old relationship with A. Even until now, I still cannot decide whether I could give the same portion of love like I did to A or not. Even if I could really love him one day, of course I’d hope to be able to love him better since I also learn how to love. But why heart why? I must say that I am still curious with what A’s been up to. Making me take a look at his close friends updates at times, just to make sure that his life is full as always. Still working on moving on from him, just so you know :(, but when I can do it, I will not want to know bout him anymore.

Been told by my friend that I’ve done such a worst thing to leave A just like that. I told him that although I learn language, I am stupid at using it in my case. I managed to tell everything to A in our limited time, yet I didn’t want to ruin moments that we rarely had. Besides it also got impossible to meet him day by day. I was terribly sad knowing that he gave me such a lil chance to improve our relationship for we didn’t meet for almost 4 months. It surely aint normal for couple living in the same city, with him busy living his life and me was also busy getting rid of my depression. That was before I finally I found your page, I forgot when and from where. Blogs, private stories, opinions, and poems always attract me. And yours are also sublime! My friends at the book discussion also think so, don’t worry :) My friend thinks that it’s impossible if no one takes a look at my page. There must be something that I can use to say word that’s been long hidden. Since he knows that I suck in it, he mediated me.

Those are the reason why you found your writings here, dear. I really need to know whether you could help me or not because if you do, I should’ve reached you from the very beginning cause I got to know that you are the one in A’s great friends circle. He’s so lucky to have such strong, brilliant, and amazing buddies like y'all. I know you guys are learning well about things. Keep it modest and istiqomah, and don’t miss a thing, yaa! I’m not sure whether he reads everything I’ve written about him or not. Now that I know there must have been something that has led you to my page, please kindly tell him these, the reasons why I chose to give up and leave with my mouth shut. I am terribly sorry but there are feelings and prayers remaining which I’m sure they will fade slowly, but it felt like the longer I stay, the more days I spend not loving myself.

Now you know what have led me to yours and I also know what has led you to mine. Over all, please help me say it all to A. I didn’t know that you are the one that I should’ve asked for helps before everything gets this way. I badly needed help at that time, at least someone with a cotton candy heart to tell him to come home here to me for I was being so empty, or at least appreciate a woman’s feeling and all she does to take him as he is. Even if he could find it himself, dear, I do hope you can help me make him understand and see what I’ve been through so far, in a woman’s perspective. I wish him success, and I also need your help as a friend to be there for him whenever he needs things, since I couldn’t do it anymore.

[twruniversity-blog]

Accepted Nyo!England

Honestly, what is with the lack of commerce and law students these days, do none of you want to get a job!?

Get your stuff in with the rest of the future poor people of the world within three days, or I’ll kick you out myself.

OOC;

Name: Madison (Maddie)

Age: 21

Pronouns: She/Her

Activity: 7-8 (depending on day of week)

Contact: Ahipbanana.

Ships for Muse: Usuk or Fruk of any kind (nyo or not basically). I’m also down with anything honestly.

Timezone: Est

Triggers/Sensitive Subjects: SPIDERS >L

Any Concerns?: Let me know if anything needs to be fixed! ( I feel like I’m missing something, so let me know if I am :’( )

IC;

Character: Nyotalia England

Full Name / Preferred Name: Alice Victoria Knightly (just Alice)

Age: 20

Birthday: May 8th

Gender: Female

Pronouns: She/Her

Housing: Miromiro Hall, Single

Pets: She has a black cat named Albert.

Year: 3rd  

IC - In Depth;

Magical Branches: Alice was born with Shadow magic, something she had been proud of at first until realizing, as she grew older, just how illegal and frowned upon these powers were.

Because she finds it amusing, she therefore started practicing light magic and lies by stating that this is what she was born with. However, she’s far from perfect, hence her majoring in the area to become convincing as possible.

Yet no matter how much she goes into the light, it will always cast shadows.

Ahurei (Unique Ability): Unfortunately, what makes hiding the shadow magic all the more harder is that Alice’s Ahurei correlates with it heavily! She can shapeshift into shadows. For instance, should a dog be running around, she can transform into that dog’s shadow, but not it’s physical form. It’s stronger when there is a physical thing present because if there isn’t an object, animal, or person, she can only become her own shadow.  Unfortunately because her powers are considered illegal, she rarely uses this and thus resulting in her being terribly weak at her ability. Often times she can only last hidden 10-20 minutes at most.

Major/s: Alice’s courses are English Literature and Light Magic

Minor/s: Education and History of Dark Arts

Type of Degree: Bachelors

Clubs: Knitting and Needle Work, she gonna try and start a book club B)

Appearance: Alice’s height is at 5’3” and she is of slender build. Considering she doesn’t like to go outside very much, and if so it’s in gardens, she is rather pale. Her hair is long and blonde but because she doesn’t take the time to keep up with her appearance, it often gets put up into a bun or pigtails. Her vision isn’t the greatest so she must wear glasses which cover her sharp green eyes. Also, queen of resting bitch face- she can’t help it.

Despite not wearing makeup or doing much with her hair, she often wears dresses and nice clothes regardless. She always smells nice, like roses, and showers often. Really it’s combing long hair while being lost in a book and other daily activities which seems to be the pain.

Headcanons:

           -Since her middle name is Victoria, she has named her cat Albert after Prince Albert. Cats prior to Albert have been named by other monarchs as well. Elizabeth, Charles, etc.

           -She is a hopeless romantic, often reading works by Jane Austen (introduced to Emma first because her last name is the same as Mr. Knightley), the Brontes, and whoever else  she can get her hands on. From there it developed to a full on love of classic literature and from there a passion for literature overall.

           -Unfortunately, she’s actually rather on the shy end of things. It’s fitting that her powers relate to shadows because Alice tends to be quite the wallflower in any and every social event. Though through learning about light magic, she might be starting to peak out of her shell.

           -She absolutely loves to collect all sorts of teas and tea sets, the majority of which are back at her home in England (but locked away because of her sister).

           -Costume construction is her absolute favorite and sometimes she makes her own dresses.

           -Her favorite color is baby blue.

Personality: Originally Alice had been a sweet girl of many feelings but after having to cope with the death of her father and the introduction to her unruly step-sister, the emotion had been practically drained out of her. She certainly keeps to herself and doesn’t allow for anyone to see her cry no matter how close they get to her. This doesn’t mean she is unkind, so to speak, but in repressing her own emotions it has become difficult to aid others in theirs. Truly literature is her only outlet.

As far as being shy goes, she isn’t afraid to speak up when the situation suits her. Such as if she has to defend herself or her interests. But Alice doesn’t go looking for human interaction. Put her in the setting of a party and either she won’t attend at all or just stay in the corner. She is only a leader when the situation is applicable to her, such as if she wants to lead a discussion in one of her English Literature classes. Also in difficult situations she always is the type to remain calm as opposed to freaking out.

Her gentle side comes out in regards to animals, particularly cats, and flowers. She could have a bit of a temper, but really a majority of the time she remains indifferent unless it angers her or interests her. Take her to a play or an author reading and watch her face light up! She enjoys being cultured as well as proper and lady like.

Unfortunately she’s also the type to forget she left the kettle on.  L

Strengths:

           -Ambitious

           -Curious

           -Well-Read/Intelligent

           -Crafty

           -Resourceful

Weaknesses:

           -Snarky

           -Workaholic

           -Stuck up

           -Stiff upper lip

           -Bad with emotions

           -Shy

           - Actually probably sucks at light magic tbh

Backstory:

Alice Victoria Knightly was born in London and had resided there for the majority of her life. She is the daughter of Rose and William Knightly (deceased), and unfortunately the step-sister to Blair Hepburn. Her childhood had been a decent one right up until her father had died and her mother remarried to a Scottish man. From then on, Alice’s solitude had shattered especially when her comfortable room had to be shared with her step-sister. Unlike Alice, Blair is loud, fiery, and way too into sports (such as archery, soccer, etc). Which meant that any quiet time needed for Alice to grieve the loss of her father- shattered. Any porcelain dolls or delicate collectables? Literally shattered. Blair had no concept of keeping her mouth shut and her hands by her side.

It by no means turned into aggressive bullying, but Alice had lost whatever privacy she needed and should she show any outward emotion, such as crying or anger, for certain Blair would pick on her for being a ‘sissy’. Thus transforming Alice to have a lack of emotion. Yet, curiously, the more Alice attempted to hide her emotions, especially in regards to the death of her father, the more strange occurrences have been developing around her.

It would seem the shadows around her grew lively, but at first Alice assumed that to be both a product of her imagination and her phase into Gothic literature. But one day after Blair had pushed her over the edge by accidentally destroying a doll which Alice’s father had given to her, the anger manifested into magic. The shadows had not only attacked Blair but in Alice wanting to escape from the world she, herself, had accidentally transformed into her own shadow.

This is when Alice realized that a shadow was not something which could be punched nor harmed. Alice started to dig into what these new found abilities were because no one in her family had mentioned them before. Blair, in the meanwhile, was devising her own plan to out Alice as a witch. When the time did come, absolutely nobody believed Blair, not even her own father, but Alice had an inkling that this cover was not going to last for long.

Thus came to her decision, at the age of 18, to attend Te Wananga Ruanuku and take a break from her life in England. But upon further inspection of the information given to her about the university, it dawned on her that shadow magic was banned, and having no contact with any other beings of the magical world, she was thrown in for a loop.

Wanting desperately to study herself and who she is, she lied on the application that she practiced light magic, something which she found ironic and a little inside joke with herself. But when it came to actually attending the university she fully understood just how hard it was going to be to hide who she truly was.

Sample RP:

           The whole ordeal had been harder than she thought initially, but well into her third year she presumed by now she should be getting the hang of it. But on the likes of today, Alice had difficulty in even doing the basics of light magic. Of course, had she been out in the sun more, that might give her a boost, but today she confined herself to her bedroom. Funny, the mood to read didn’t even push her to get out of bed, or the promise of tea. Alice just wanted to sink into her sheets and let the world pass her by.

           Alice rubbed her hands over her face, squinting at the dark ceiling. Maybe she could very well go for a cup of tea, but getting out of bed had been the last thing on her mind. And dear me! It’s midday already! This lack of production bothered her but she was just so tired. Then a slither of a thought came to her mind. When, exactly, was the last time she practiced her true magic?

           Her thoughts raced in her head the probabilities of getting away with this. Maybe she could start small, yes! Alice shut her eyes and struck out a hand, letting the dark energy flow through it, just enough to animate any shadow in the room. She peeked her eye opened, successfully allowing for the shadow of a book to come to life. A grin came on her face and she opened her rosey lips to command the shadow to scope the kitchen area.

           However, just as she was about to send it on its merry way, the loud and noticeable sound of the front door opening and shutting, plus the rummaging of bags, halted her further action.

           “Splendid,” she grimaced, not even noticing the death of the shadow beside her.