#and i experienced a dizzy spell and extreme nausea and fatigue and pain in the span of about five minute

[macaroni-and-pebbles]

The Agony is starting again and anything I post after this point is no longer my fault

btw I’m ranting a lot in tags so like ignore that

[cirrius-akiyo]

UNPACK THE BAGGAGE

-Parallel to Hold On (Let's Go Home) [Buck's POV]-

Buck has been feeling a bit under the weather for quite some time now. It has started with small throbbing headaches, which he quickly dismiss as fatigue or stress. Then come the sudden spells of dizziness that had caused dark spots to dance behind his eyes. To which he blames his lack of sleep.

He has not bother to tell his husband nor to consult Chimney or Hen because of the gap between the episodes of dizziness or getting light-headed were quite big. It's not like he has a constant throbbing pain to the point he's unable to function, so he doesn't really dwell on that matter.

Then one night came the nose bleeds after he had finished putting Chris to bed. Eddie was still on a shift after switching with Gary in order for one of them to be able to attend the parents-teachers meeting and Eddie had insisted to go this time. Remembering that one time Bobby got it too after the radioactive exposure scare, Buck shoves down his panic and worries into the imaginary bin. At least this time he is sure that he was not exposed to any killer rays.

After cleaning himself, he prepares to go to bed and slipped under the cover. His hand wanders towards the cold empty space beside him. Being by himself in the silence of the night, it is easy for his mind to shift to the last scene of the previous night.

They both had gone to bed angry. In all honesty, Buck doesn't really remember why they were fighting but he knows it was about something trivial. Something mundane on house chores, but he was tired and he snapped at Eddie.

The next morning he has said his apologies and Eddie had kissed him goodbye before leaving for work.

"I'm in my bed

And you're not here

And there's no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands

Forget what I said

It's not what I meant

And I can't take it back

I can't unpack the baggage you left"

///

It is the night of the parents-teachers meeting and Eddie has left a while ago after finishing his 12 hours shift, leaving Buck to complete the rest of his 24 hours. Chris doesn't need to attend the meeting so he's at Abuela's, most likely in food coma now.

Once in a while, the unwelcome ache come back niggling at the base of his skull but Buck doesn't let them bothers him. He has learnt to live with them for a while. He really doesn't want any unwanted attention on him and be the man that has too many baggages, the firehouse doesn't need to divert their attention to a firefighter who simply has recurring headaches.

What is he really looking forward to right now is to go back home and cuddle with his husband, preferably while hearing the praises the teachers must have showers their son with.

Thinking about his family somehow able to chase the pain away to the point it is unnoticeable.

He simply smiles to the thought of his little family and his smile just get wider when Hen throws him a knowing look.

Their relationship is not without hiccup, but they've got through it all together. They both believe in healthy communication and no-sad-no-bad-secret-rule. Little did he know his belief is about to be tested.

"What am I now?

What am I now?

What if I'm someone I don't want around?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin'"

///

"I kissed Ana."

Not the three words Eddie usually says to him before bed.

At Eddie's thundering confession, Buck can feel his heart break, but he also literally can hear his mind cracked. Like his whole body is about to pop out of his skin.

Buck tries to find the logical reasoning for this confession and alcohol is usually to be blamed.

Eddie then has refuted on the possibility of getting drunk during a parent-teacher meeting and Buck doesn't know what to do about that. Did Eddie kissed Ana because Buck snapped at him the night before? Did he fucked up so bad? Did he do anything that has pushed Eddie away? His brain immediately went into overdrive and so he froze eventhough he can hear the strings of apologies that fell out if Eddie's mouth.

Then come the tears.

"What if I'm down?

What if I'm out?

What if I'm someone you won't talk about?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin'"

///

That night Eddie had held him while whispering strings of apologies into his ears, swaddles him with comforting words. But despite the lightness of Eddie's words towards him, Buck feels like the weight of the world is crushing him down. He feels like the exhaustion and the fatigues of the past few weeks are squeezing him dry. He's frustrated and tired and the tears doesn't seem stop any time soon. After baring his soul out, he finally succumbs to sleep, seeking momentarily solitude from bitter reality.

His sleep was not a peaceful one. Once in a while he'll wake up to either nightmare or sudden panic washed over him. He had thought of leaving to sleep in Chris' bedroom, but Eddie has keep him tight in his embrace. Dull ache keep pulsating in his head and so he nuzzles himself deeper into Eddie's hold. His husband's smell always able to keep him grounded and for a moment he believes in his wishful thinking that everything will work out later.

"You said you cared

And you missed me, too

And I'm well aware I write too many songs about you

And the coffee's out

At the Beachwood Café

And it kills me 'cause I know we've run out of things we can say"

///

Buck woke up that morning to warm kisses peppered on his neck and jaw. He still feel sluggish and not well rested but to see Eddie's warm brown eyes full of guilt and sadness just tug his heart in the wrong way. It is easier for him to remain angry at his husband but with their history, he knows anger doesn't do any good to either of them. So he reciprocate when Eddie's lips touch his, welcoming the warm feeling while trying to shove the thought that this lips had been on another woman last night.

Initially he was hopeful for a busy day that will give enough distraction to him, but now he is thankful for the minor calls that came in as his head is literally pounding him to the ground.

They had start their morning routine as per usual but Buck had noticed how Eddie has been working hard to give him more attention and care. Not that Buck is complaining but with Eddie plastered to his side, it is getting harder to hide the needling pain of the headaches from his husband.

They were doing the inventory when a sharp pain blossom in his head that caused him to falter in his step. Worry immediately etched on Eddie's face as his husband massage the stiff muscle between his neck and shoulder.

"Are you okay, Evan?" Eddie asked.

Buck really hates to cause unnecessary worry to Eddie and so he grit his teeth trying to ignore the pain. "I will be." Buck replied with the most steady voice he could muster.

But Buck did not get better. Every passing moment is an agony but he wills himself to keep going, effectively trying to avoid to be in close vicinity with Chim or Hen.

But then he found himself halfway into the toilet bowl vomiting the little food that he just ate with Eddie a constant present on his side providing silent support.

He feels awful. The pain. The nausea. The heartbreak. The frustration. The exhaustion.

Is he being exhausting right now?

Will Eddie ran away to kiss Ana again now that his mouth full of stomach acid. He's not actually kissable right now.

Buck chases the dark thoughts away while trying to stand up with Eddie's help. Buck's mind is really jumbled up at the moment so sue him if he thinks Eddie is going to leave him alone in his misery.

"Maybe it's migraine." Buck suggested to Eddie who is still actively acting as his support pillar. With all the symptoms he's experiencing, the possibility fits, but then as fast as he heard Eddie humming in agreement, he feels like the single string holding him splintered and sudden blackness consumed him.

"What am I now?

What am I now?

What if I'm someone I don't want around?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin'

What if I'm down?

What if I'm out?

What if I'm someone you won't talk about?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin'"

///

All Buck is able to feel right now is fatigue. Extreme fatigue. He can hear white noises all around him but he can't really help himself to care. He feels the fog of unconsciousness slowly dragging him under but as soon as he let the darkness embraces him, stabbing pain prevented him from giving into total sleep.

He feels like he's trapped in between worlds and he hates the idea and the feeling of it. Buck wanted to stay in the world that have Eddie and Chris in it but right now he's encapsulated in a world clustered with pain and agony. Colours keep bursting behind his closed eyelids as waves of nausea hitting him.

He can't help but to let his mind runs the image of Ana substituting Buck in their house. Ana kissing Eddie goodbye. Ana making pancakes with chocolate chips for Chris. Ana on Buck's side of the bed. Ana celebrating Christmas and Halloween with the 118. Ana attending the parent-teacher meeting with Eddie. Ana putting Chris to bed. Maybe later on Ana will give Eddie another child. Maybe a girl so they'll have a pair. Buck had thought of adopting another baby with Eddie but they haven't really discuss it seriously, and now Buck is about to lose his chance.

Pictures of Eddie and Chris with Ana and their faceless child slowly taking over the house, replacing any trace of Buck in it.

Where will Buck be? Who will Buck be?

"And I get the feelin' that you'll never need me again"

///

After feeling like eternity, the line of consciousness finally tugging him awake. Buck can feel a presence beside him, but he's in so much pain that tears are slipping free from the corner of his eyes.

He can feel the warm hands holding his left but he can't make out the owner but the feeling is like coming home.

But later the pain become unbearable to the point that he regrets of being awake.

The hands that are holding him suddenly gone and so as his consciousness. Buck knows no more as he slipped back into a nightmare addled sleep.

"What am I now?

What am I now?

What if you're someone I just want around?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin'"

///

Clarity comes to him in stages. At one point he can hear a voice saying his name and Buck simply hums in response. That is his name, right?

Later he can hear Eddie's voice calling him, and he smiles to the thought that his husband is still beside him. At least he's not a lost cause.

When the numbness slowly fades, he can feel familiar calloused hand stroking his jaw and he leans his face into the warm palm silently pleading: please bring him home.

"What if I'm down?

What if I'm out?

What if I'm someone you won't talk about?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin'"

(Falling - Harry Styles)

Eddie’s POV is here: https://cirrius-akiyo.tumblr.com/post/621917028804165632/hold-on-lets-go-home-i-kissed-ana-eddie 

[duggarsetal]

This is gonna be an informative post about my CFS, cause I know that it's not necessarily widely known

CFS stands for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, it is also known as Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) - I tend to use CFS, since that's what it was introduced to me as, and I also cannot pronounce or spell Myalgic Encephalomyelitis.

It is a long term condition, with no confirmed cause or cure, it's is diagnosed based on your symptoms, plus a lack of any other condition that could be causing those symptoms.

The symptoms for me include:

• chronic fatigue (hence the name!) - this means a complete lack of energy, weakness and general exhaustion

• unrefreshing sleep - it doesn't matter how much sleep or rest I get, I will still experience high levels of fatigue

• brain fog - difficulty concentrating and remembering things. on my worst day I struggle to talk or hold a conversation, since it is just too mentally tiring

• post exertional malaise - this is a fun one! after performing a task that uses a lot of energy (like grocery shopping, attending university, or travelling) there is a considerable increase in the severity of my cfs symptoms. I get more fatigue, more brain fog, more everything, and it will take several days of rest to get back to normal

• muscle and joint pain - exactly what it says on the tin. this adds to the fatigue and difficulty with sleeping, as well as making other daily tasks (such as showering or getting dressed) even harder

• headaches - I get extreme pain behind one eye, so bad that I can't do anything, it's not something that I can push though, nor is it something that is relieved by taking normal painkillers

• temperature changes - I'm too hot! I'm too cold! Argh, it's boiling in here! Oh my gosh, it's freezing, pass me a blanket.

• dizziness and weakness - I often feel like I am about to pass out, regardless of whether I am standing or sitting. Its not effected by my blood sugar levels or my blood pressure, just happens whatever I do

• sore throat - not the worst one on this list, but still indicative of cfs (when experienced alongside other symptoms)

• nausea - making it a real struggle to get enough food to give me the energy to do things, which is already lacking

CFS is something that I have been affected by for quite a while, but ever since starting university in September 2018, it has considerably worsened. Daily life is a struggle and I'm definitely struggling to manage the condition.

[adversarial-official]

Adversarial's Guide To Writing Pain (Based On Unfortunate Personal Experiences)

Hey folks! I’ve seen a few posts floating around discussing how to write different forms of pain in fiction and decided to create a reference sheet for people trying to write realistic pain based on my own personal, varied, and kind of unfortunate experiences with various types of illness and injury! It’s important to note that all of the experiences I’m describing are specific to me individually and to note that different people or different circumstances could result in distinct experiences. Remember, kids: this guide is not definitive.

With that out of the way, let’s get describing!

HEAT STROKE:

Starts out feeling like you’re just overheating-- lots of sweating, skin feeling hot, et cetera. As time goes on, you begin to sweat more (you start getting sweat in your eyes, which stings and limits vision). Skin starts feeling clammy to the touch and eventually slightly numb. Dehydration symptoms will start kicking in as your body loses water. Breathing feels more difficult, vision starts blurring at the edges. Muscle fatigue will start to set in as your vision starts going. Fainting may occur as symptoms intensify, as well as dehydration headaches. Recovery from heatstroke is mostly about rehydrating and staying somewhere cool, so symptoms fade over the course of 10-30 minutes but leave muscle fatigue and exhaustion-- I immediately want to sleep once my body cools down a little.

HYPOTHERMIA (COLD AIR):

Initial feelings are mostly stinging on any exposed skin, because very cold air hurts. Shivering sets in immediately and can intensify as time goes on. Feelings of cold begin at the extremities and work their way towards the torso, with the most intense cold being felt at the fingers, toes, ears (if exposed) and tip of the nose. Skin will lose feeling quickly if exposed to air and will gradually become more numb over time. If you touch your fingertips/ears/nose to your palm, the skin will feel unnaturally cold. Eventually, muscular tension will kick in and it will become hard to achieve full range of motion in limbs, with the worst effects of this being evident in the fingers. Around the time when flexing my fingers became impossible, I felt an extreme burning sensation in my hands and, to a lesser extent, my toes. The pain gets progressively worse and outstrips all of the bodily discomforts from the cold as the rest of the body goes numb. Shaking stops as the body tries to conserve energy. Focusing becomes difficult because the hand pain is so intense. Even after getting somewhere warm, hand pain persists and joint motion is difficult at best. Fatigue kicks in around the time when hand pain becomes distracting. 

HYPOTHERMIA (COLD WATER):

While in the water, sensations tend to transition from coldness to numbness within a few minutes. Shaking sets in early, intensifies progressively, and finally gives out and leave the body with muscle fatigue. After exiting the water, shaking and coldness in the extremities persists regardless of temperature. Extremities may look pale or bluish. Mental fog is present and vision can get cloudy at the edges. Lukewarm water feels like it is boiling. The usual treatment for this form of hypothermia is a bath in warm water, but if this isn’t an option, symptoms can persist for several hours after-- I personally didn’t stop shaking or feeling cold for several hours. Exhaustion ensues after a few hours due to the energy spent on shaking. Once my body came back up to temperature, I felt like I was overheating for a few minutes until I readjusted to it. 

ALTITUDE SICKNESS:

Altitude sickness can have a varying range of effects based on the change in elevation and the red blood cell count in your body, so I’m going to just list off the symptoms I experienced and you can generally assume that they are worse if the change in elevation is larger and get better over the course of 2-5 days:

Pain in extremities/difficulty moving fingers and toes (can range from mild to severe)

Difficulty catching breath/feelings of choking/feelings of lungs not expanding far enough

Difficulty sleeping (I kept waking up to gasp for air)

Decreased muscular endurance

Dizziness/lightheadedness/fainting (especially when standing up or performing physical activity)

Burning feeling in lungs

STARVATION (FASTING):

The distinction between fasting with water and fasting without water shouldn’t be disregarded-- it is considerably easier to fast if you are able to drink, even a little. The beginning of a fast is usually not particularly uncomfortable, with discomfort mounting as the day/days goes on. I personally have issues with headaches due to lack of caffeine during fasts. After around 8-12 hours, discomfort due to dehydration begins to kick in if no water is being consumed, which can take the form of throat burning, dizziness, and headaches. Stomach pain/hunger kicks in at around 12-16 hours, but this is very dependent on prior eating habits-- if I have been regularly eating in the weeks before fasting, I get hungry sooner, but transitioning into fasting after averaging a meal a day is easier and comes with fewer hunger pains. Physical activity quickly becomes draining and exhaustion and intensifying headache become harder to ignore over time. Fatigue kicks in after about 18 hours. Blood pressure drops lead to dizziness and vision loss whenever I stand up, but I know this doesn’t apply to most people. Eating or drinking after a fast is often nauseating, especially if food or water are consumed quickly. 

STARVATION (MINIMAL FOOD INTAKE):

Minimal food intake over an extended period of time (a week or longer) comes with its own set of adverse physical effects distinct from that of a full fast. Dizziness, vision blurring, full-body fatigue, muscle soreness, and exhaustion all intensify as time goes on. Stomach shrinkage happens in under a week and means that feelings of hunger are less common and that it takes less food to feel full, which can eventually lead to an uncomfortable sensation when eating where a person feels simultaneously full and hungry. Over time, complex foods (things with lots of spices/meats/bitter vegetables) become painful to digest and nausea becomes constant. Fainting spells and difficulty catching breath also occur (see below for details). Trying to go back to a normal eating pattern after long-term minimal food intake is physically painful and can take months to years. 

FAINTING/DIZZY SPELLS:

Dizzy spells usually come up while either standing up after spending a long time sitting/laying down or when performing physical activity. Vision will blur at the edges, become fuzzy, or fade entirely to grey/black. Dizziness or the feeling of the world spinning will then ensue, often followed by the muscles in the legs suddenly giving out. Consciousness is retained through a dizzy spell.

Fainting often begins similarly to a dizzy spell, but will always have full vision loss. If your head hits the ground, you will usually hear the sound of it before feeling the pain. If the faint is under a minute in length, it will feel like 1-2 seconds have passed. Once consciousness is regained, vision takes a couple of seconds to clear. I have found that the time between consciousness returning and vision clearing is generally the time when I register I have fainted and also the time when any pain incurred during the faint hits me. 

EXTREME FEVER (104F+):

The primary feeling associated with high fever is extreme fatigue. Alternating hot/cold spells lasting 30 seconds to a minute each are common-- during the hot spells, the skin feels like it is burning and during the cold spells, shaking ensues. I spent a lot of time burying myself in blankets and then pushing them off again as the cold spell changed to a hot spell. Exhaustion leads to near-constant dozing, with mild hallucinations and fever dreams being common. Sweating, clamminess, and slight numbness of the skin are all constant. Sleeping is difficult to impossible. Feels kind of like extreme sleep deprivation but with more body pains. 

EXTREME SLEEP DEPRIVATION:

Assume that the longer sleep deprivation lasts, the worse processing time will get and the easier it is to fall asleep in less hospitable locations. Here is my usual timeline for sleep deprivation for sleeping 2 hours or less per 24:

20-24 hours -- initial headache kicks in, vision begins to blur

30 hours -- muscle fatigue hit and nausea hit, dizziness begins 

38-40 hours -- dizziness intensifies, headache is constant and painful, occasionally will fall asleep for 2-3 seconds while doing something else

50-52 hours -- from this point forward, nausea can become dry heaving

60 hours -- mild hallucinations begin appearing, headache has intensified to a migraine, the walls are moving

70 hours -- hallucinations begin to intensify, falling asleep for 10-12 seconds in the middle of tasks or while walking

Note that sleeping after extreme sleep deprivation will not fix all of the symptoms of sleep deprivation-- a good rule of thumb for remaining sleep symptoms is to remove x3 the number of hours spent sleeping from the time spent awake (e.g. if you were awake for 60 hours and slept for 10, you would wake up with muscle fatigue and dizziness typical of 30 hours of sleep deprivation).

ASPHYXIATION:

If the airway is not entirely blocked, it is possible to feel a whistling feeling as air enters and leaves the lungs. If the airway is entirely blocked, there is a feeling of tensing and relaxing in the chest as your lungs try to create suction and pull in air. There is a constant underlying panic that intensifies the longer you go without air. After about fifteen seconds, vision starts blurring at the edges and extremities feel like they’re buzzing. As time goes on, the buzzing feeling extends up the arms and legs and leads to full-body tingling as vision fades out. Fainting is common here. After either waking up from the faint or having the airway become unobstructed, the lungs will expand as much as possible and deep breaths/gasping ensue. Sometimes, this causes slight chest pain. 

Some general considerations for writing any sort of illness or injury:

All pain symptoms compound. If you are experiencing heat stroke while fasting, the resulting discomfort of the heat stroke and the fasting will both be much worse than if you were experiencing either on their own

 My usual rule  for writing is that pain and illness increase quadratically-- two sets of symptoms = four times the suffering, three sets of symptoms = nine times the suffering, etc 

Any sort of pain or illness recovery will be characterized by exhaustion and hunger. Your body needs sleep and food to heal itself, so assume that any recovery from injury will feature a tired and hungry character

If you are writing a fantasy illness or injury, you can probably assume that fatigue, muscle soreness, and headache will be symptoms. They are symptoms of basically everything 

Keep in mind that a character who experiences any sort of pain repeatedly will likely be able to handle it with more grace than someone who is experiencing it for the first time. Fainting for the sixth time is considerably less stressful than fainting for the first, because you generally know what to expect from the experience

Feel free to reblog this guide with your own reference descriptions of pain or to message me if you have any questions about describing the pain referenced here! Happy writing!

[katieobrien-untitled]

Goodbye my left ovary,

I’ve been tossing and turning about sharing this for a while as I’m generally quite a private person, but I’ve had time to heal and process what I’ve gone through and I want to bring awareness to the fact that sometimes our bodies don’t work in the way that we expect them to.

The female reproductive system is something I’ve really taken for granted until now. It’s something incredible, so empowering and strong. I always assumed it just worked. The illustration I made is pretty self-explanatory – but yes, as of right now I only have one ovary.

In March I needed an emergency surgery to remove my left ovary, along with the fallopian tube and a large ovarian cyst.

The long story

In early January I noticed a solid like mass by my bladder. It was small enough to not notice visually, but concerning enough to make a trip to the doctor. 

Being a young female, with a solid bump in their tummy everyone always assumes that you’re pregnant right? I mean at some points I thought I was myself. Every doctor I saw had their presumptions quashed by the negative reading that came back on the test every time, but this sparked some worry. 

My doctor suspected that I had something on my ovary but to be sure, I was referred to take an ultrasound and take some blood tests. They discovered a large Borderline Cyst on my left ovary that spanned across my stomach and up to my left ribcage. At this point I had no idea what I was in for. My brain is wired to over-think everything and I did so for the next 4 weeks until my specialist appointment.

Ovarian Cysts are generally quite common, actually a lot more common than you'd expect, but I had never heard of them until I found out that I had one. There are various types, simple cysts that grow and disappear, and more complex ones. Instead of being a simple cyst that would go away by itself, my body developed the most complex ovarian cyst – called an Adnexal Mass / Borderline Tumour that specialists presume had been growing steadily for years and only recently moved out of my pelvis, making it noticeable.

It was like a ghost of a thing that was growing from inside taking all the spare space there was in my abdomen. Unbeknownst to me it was causing a range of symptoms that I never noticed that they were connected until my diagnosis.

I had irregular periods for years 

I gained weight on the scales but hadn’t changed much physically 

I was feeling nauseous all the time

I suffered from extreme fatigue

I had the urge to pee 24/7

I would get full from the smallest of meals

I couldn’t breathe deeply

I had a specialist appointment with a Gynaecologist on the 3rd of March. This is where we discussed my situation. The mass was so complex and large that the specialists suspected that it may contain pre-cancer cells.  There was the bomb shell. Because of this suspicion they needed to remove the mass intact meaning that they needed to remove the ovary and fallopian tube along with it. To give you a sense of scale at this point, they suspected the mass was about 10cm x 13cm x 9cm, so they were lining up a C-Section like surgery to remove it. So it was pretty large to say the least. Obviously I was in shock, overwhelmed with emotion. We had a lengthy discussion about what would happen, the surgery and the long term impact that it would have on my health and fertility. I was scared but I knew what I was in for.

I was in for a 6-8 week wait for a surgery date. However, the surgery happened a lot sooner than expected. 4 weeks after that appointment I was experiencing excruciating abdominal pain and on the 24th of March I was referred to Middlemore Hospital’s ED by my GP. The timing of all of this was pretty good as the hospital was really quiet due to the start of Covid-19. I was in and the surgery was scheduled for the next morning at 9am.

The procedure & recovery

I had a Mid-line Laparotomy which is a pretty intense surgery. It is essentially a vertical incision that starts just blow my bikini line, to 2cm above my belly button, 18cm total. The surgeon initially planned to make the incision horizontally– like a C-Section, but the mass was a lot larger than they expected as it reached as far as my sternum. It had to be vertical to remove it safely. The surgery went well and everything was removed successfully, they took washings of my abdomen and sent away the cyst for a biopsy. I feel like the surgery was the easiest part…

Really I can’t remember much from the day of the op, and the day after, the anaesthetic took it out of me. I needed an epidural for pain management post op and I was bed ridden for two days. Ultimately I was exhausted physically and emotionally – and my body was trying it’s best to heal but I was so exhausted, weak and immobile. I had the epidural removed after the third day, to see if I could start walking again.

Eventually I got myself up and started walking, movements were slow and excruciating and so mentally challenging as I’m usually really active. I’m not really the one to take pain killers unless I really need to, but I was taking them every chance that I got. I struggled a lot with the pain, nausea, very low blood pressure, dizzy spells and fever post op. At some points the nausea was so overwhelming that I had to vomit. This is was the most excruciating pain that I’ve been in to date.

Nick wasn’t able to visit post op, as our government declared the Covid-19 level 4 lock down so he wasn’t allowed to enter the hospital at all during my recovery. It was a mental challenge being by myself. I gradually got better and I asked to go home after 5 days in the hospital by myself. Even though hospitals are such a daunting place to be in, I felt like I was in the best hands the entire time. The specialists, surgeons, anaesthetists, nurses and doctors that I was cared for by were incredible and I feel so fortunate to have received the care that I did.  

At home I spent a lot of time in bed, asleep and I struggled to eat, move and shower. I felt crippled and reliant. Overall I lost 7kg, but I was improving. After a week I was able to stop taking pain killers, and now I’m fine! Just working on the healing of my scar.

My scar 2.5 weeks post op.

The Diagnosis

On the 15th of April I had a follow up appointment with the specialist to go over the operation notes and results of the biopsy. Unfortunately, they did find pre-cancer cells within the cyst, however they were contained and didn’t spill or spread into the rest of my body. The cyst was classed as a Stage 1C ovarian cancer – but because of the success of the surgery and the containment of the cells I don’t need to have any treatment.   

Because of the existence of the pre-cancer cells in the cyst I’ll need to evaluate getting the right ovary removed too when I’m ready – for future proofing. For now I’m scheduled to have 6 monthly ultrasounds and bloods taken to monitor my right ovary to make sure it is healthy.

The cyst was a lot larger than the specialist initially thought. It was actually 21cm x 23cm x 13cm and weighed 3.3kg! Think of a 3L milk bottle, it was larger and heavier than that, in my abdomen, so you could imagine the pressure it would have had on my other organs. The specialist was astounded that it had got to this size without notice, as I’m generally quite fit and active.

Post op, the first thing I noticed was that I had never been able to breathe so well. Taking a deep breath was amazing.

My Future & Fertility

I’ve been in a long term relationship since I was a teen, and I’ve always wanted a family of my own. Nick and I have always discussed having a family, but it’s definitely not our time yet, we’ve just relocated to Auckland a year ago and we have a whole lot planned before all of that is on the cards. I see Friends of mine are having some beautiful babies and I know my day will come. Not now, but one day. With one ovary it is still possible and that gives me hope.

This whole experience has made me feel like I’d been taking my health for granted and expecting everything will just work. How wrong was I, to be honest the specialist said it was really just bad luck and there was nothing to really prevent it from happening the way it did, in reality there was no way that I knew it was there. My ovaries were something I took for granted, and now my remaining one crosses my mind at least once a day. I need to look after it like gold.

What interests me the most is women in New Zealand are encouraged to have breast screening and smear tests to screen for cancer and pre cancer cells – I knew this was a thing even as a child, but there isn’t really a campaign that I’ve seen that screams at you to see if your ovaries are ok. I want to know why because I really feel like I’ve dodged a bullet.

This was something that I never thought I’d have to go through. It’s not necessarily something that you’d expect to be told when you’re in your early twenties but here we are. Let’s say I’m not taking my health or fitness for granted again.

If you got this far thank you for reading my rambles!

I’m a thousand times better than I was, and I’m now 4 weeks post op and I’m past the dizzy spells, nausea and pain. My scar is healing and I’m able to walk daily – but I’m waiting for the 6 week mark to push myself more. I’m itching to go for a run and a swim to really test the space that my lungs now have.

There is obviously a lot of detail that I have left out of this, but if you’re curious or feel like you want to know more please ask. This is by no means an attention seeking post it’s to bring awareness, and also a method for me to heal and move past what I’ve been through. 

Thanks for reading!

Katie x

[ianmkeenan]

Fruitylicious

Information about Fruitylicious:

Effects

Fragrance

Flavors

Adverse reactions

Medical

Growing

Flowering time

Fruitylicious is definitely one of the most delicious strains in the marijuana market. Proof of its powerful terpenes is how its strong citric scent lingers even after its amber container is closed. But it leaves its mark as a potent strain as well. With THC levels ranging from 16% to 18%, the Indica-leaning hybrid delivers an intense body buzz with mild but uplifting cerebral effects.

It was not difficult to make such an excellent strain. With so many mainstays, all Mandala Seeds had to do was pick a beautifully frosted bud with savory flavors of berry. And, what better choice is there if not the Very Berry Hashberry? Now, all that was needed was to pair the mother with an excellent Indica famed for its crushing psychedelic buzz – Blueberry.

Both parents produce a very long-lasting high. In meeting that end, Mandala Sees was successful. Fruitylicious’ high lasts for hours on end. Adding to its appeal is its beginner-friendly grow and high yields, making it a top choice for enthusiasts and commercial growers.

Information about Fruitylicious:

ORIGINVery Berry Hashberry and BlueberryEFFECTSRelaxed - 10 Euphoric - 9 Uplifted - 9 Happy - 1 Aroused - 1ADVERSE REACTIONS (NEGATIVE)Dry mouth - 10 Dizzy - 1FRAGRANCEFruity, sweet, earthy, nuttyFLAVORSCitrus, blueberry, grapefruit, earthy, sweetMEDICALHeadaches - 10 Insomnia - 10 Pain - 10 Stress - 10 Cramps - 10FLOWERING TIME INDOORS8-9 weeksFLOWERING TIME OUTDOORSEarly to mid-OctoberPLANT HEIGHT6 feetTHC CONTENT %16% to 18%INDICA / SATIVA %70%/30%INDOOR YIELD16 to 18 ounces per square meterOUTDOOR YIELD34 ounces or more per plantCLIMATEWarm climateGROWTH LEVELEasy to grow

* 10 is the highest * 1 is the lowest

Effects

With THC levels ranging from 16% to 18%, Fruitylicious is not only potent but also fast-acting. Its initial onset, which is marked by a subtle rush of euphoria, begins almost immediately after the first toke. As it swarms the mind, a sense of happiness wells inside.

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Gradually, the uplifting sensation ebbs down from the temples and envelops the body. It delivers a tingling buzz envelops the muscle in total relaxation. In all likelihood, the heaviness will sink users to their couches and lock them in place. However, this does not happen until after the high wanes.

Fruitylicious Effects - Image powered by Seedfinder.eu

For some, the physical and mental release afforded by the bud is arousing. Toked with a loved one, it can lead to an exhilarating night. In excess, however, its potent levels of THC are debilitating and crippling.

Fragrance

Overall, Fruitylicious smells like a basket of freshly picked fruits. It is definitely sweet but has undertones of damp soil. Broken apart, a surprising hazelnut fragrance fills the air.

Flavors

They say that to fully savor a strain’s terpene profile, it must be drawn in. In Fruitylicious’ case, its citric overtones bursts in the palate in a parade of blueberries and grapefruits. On the exhale, an earthy flavor blends with the initial sweetness and leaves an interesting aftertaste.

Adverse Reaction

Dehydration is a common reaction to marijuana. It affects all types of enthusiasts but most especially beginners. Usually, its symptoms include dryness in the eyes. But, with some cannabinoids interfering with the production of saliva, a cottonmouth is in the cards as well.

Fruitylicious Adverse Reaction - Image powered by Pinterest.ph

The best way to alleviate the dry spell is by having a drink – preferably water, though. Though it sounds delicious, mixing Fruitylicious with alcohol can be a recipe for disaster. The latter is a downer while the former has a sedating body buzz. Together, they can exacerbate the momentary dizziness and cause nausea. “Greening out,” as it is called, is more likely to occur when the two substances are paired together.

Medical

Being a relatively potent Indica, it comes as no surprise that Fruitylicious’ medical benefits center on the body. As an analgesic, it can temporarily relieve a variety of aches and pains beginning from the temples. Similarly, its muscle relaxing properties ease the pain of cramps. As such, it is great for athletes or women experiencing the sharp stinging pain brought by dysmenorrhea.

TIP: Looking to buy Fruitylicious seeds? Check out this marijuana seed shop

Used in moderation, the same psychoactive compounds also appease multiple symptoms of stress. On the physical side, its calming body buzz soothes indicators like headaches, fatigue, and insomnia. Meanwhile, its uplifting psychedelic high stabilizes the mood and enhances it. While this may sound plain to some, it actually helps users from spiraling into depression, anxiety, and irritability.

Fruitylicious Medical - Image powered by Growdiaries.com

Sleep also plays a great role in reducing stress. And, as a natural sleep-aid, Fruitylicious’ sedating properties leads users into a deep, unencumbered slumber.

Growing

With sturdy stalks and thick branches, Fruitylicious is indeed a resilient plant. Its Indica structure allows it to withstand diseases brought about by harsh weather, extreme temperatures, and apparent moisture in the air. Moreover, the plant is a money-saver. Because it requires minimal feeding, growers need not spend much money on expensive fertilizer or nutrient-rich soil.

Grown indoors, each square meter yields an excellent batch of mint-colored buds. However, growers will need to top the plant early and prune it often. In extremely limited spaces, Fruitylicious’ height can be a bit of a problem. As such, it is best to keep the plant short.

Trimming away dead branches and leaves as well as manicuring the buds will also redirect nutrients to healthier parts while enhancing its appeal. Thankfully, growers will not have to worry about wasting away their effort. Mandala Seeds’ has released feminized versions of Fruitylicious for sale.

Flowering Time

Indoors It takes an average of 8 to 9 weeks for each square meter of Fruitylicious to produce about 16 to 18 ounces of buds.

Outdoors In the southern hemisphere, aspiring growers can expect their plants to flower by September. However, those in the north will have to wait until October since short summer tends to affect the plant’s growth. Regardless, each Fruitylicious plant yields an amazing 34 ounces of trichome-coated goodness.

Have you ever smoked or grown your own Fruitylicious? Please let me know what you think about this marijuana strain in the comments below.

Robert

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