#and i dont understand korean so i had to figure out where to place it

[helianthus21]

Vincenzo and Han-seo being gremlin brothers

[quokkacore]

with great power I [lee jeno]

summary: there are two things jeno loves most about his life. one being spiderman, the other being you, his best friend. there’s just one issue: after your father’s death, you decide you hate both spiderman and yourself.

pairing: lee jeno x reader

genre: superhero au, high school au, coming of age, best friends to strangers(ish) to lovers, fluff, ANGST, minor crack

warnings (for this chapter): language, violence, gun violence, the mafia, parental death, police presence, sexual references, bullying (ily san im sorry), the dreamies being dicks to each other, police corruption, towards the end jeno experiences something similar to sensory overload, americanized names, pop culture references, VERY jeno centric

song rec: we go up - nct dream // any song - zico // 21 questions - waterparks // talk (remix feat. megan thee stallion & yo gotti) - khalid // sunrise - ateez // i really like you - carly rae jepsen // dare - gorillaz // stray kids - the tortoise and the hare

word count: 10.5k

a/n: this is so late...... i blame attack on titan. but hey!! better late than never :] a huge thanks to @doderyscoffee​ for beta reading <3

main masterlist // story masterlist

chapter one: jeno and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week

Jeno despised Tuesdays. He was pretty sure that Tuesdays despised Jeno as well because all of his worst days just so happen to be Tuesdays. He was 96% sure that, if there was a god, his day off was on Tuesdays, or that the planets aligned in such a manner on Tuesdays that it caused universal despair and misery. If he was to take Donghyuck's word for it, his chakra attracted negative energy the most on Tuesdays.

When Jeno was 5, his goldfish Pippin had died on a Tuesday. When he had his ass handed to him on the playground by San Choi in the third grade, it was a Tuesday. And in the seventh grade, he'd failed his Spanish test, missed his bus and walked home in the rain only to find out that his Aunt Sunny was at work, he'd left his keys in his locker and that had to wait an hour before she got home to unlock it for him, all on a Tuesday. 

And wouldn't you know it, here he was, late for the first day of senior year, which was, of all days, a godforsaken Tuesday.

In his eternal wisdom, he'd stayed up gaming with Renjun until two in the morning, and because of it, slept through his three alarms, one set at six-thirty, the other at 6:45, the last one at 7:00. 

He'd woken up at 7:17, to the sound of his elderly neighbor's pet chihuahua barking at a pigeon, checked the time, immediately panicked, sped into the shower, gotten dressed in a haste, grabbed a few granola bars from the pantry, and ran out the door while trying to jam his backpack closed, and managed to catch the train at 7:40, which took about twenty minutes to get to his stop, plus a ten-minute walk to school, and class started at 8:10. Not to mention he’d have to stop by the office and pick up his schedule. At best, he’d be five minutes late to his first class. But tardies were tardies, regardless, and the last thing he needed was to lose his perfect attendance streak. 

He fished out his phone while standing on the train, waiting for his stop, scrolling through Instagram, and liking random pictures. A ping! from his phone caught his attention, then two, then a third. He smiled softly when your name popped up on his screen.

[7:48 AM]

y/n: pssst

y/n: shithead

y/n: where r u ????

[7:49 AM] 

y/n: i can sEE u online on ig u know

jeno: …… i'm on the train

jeno: woke up late

y/n: YOURE GONNA BE LATR

y/n: LATE*

y/n: ON THE FIRST DAY OF SENIOR YEAR

[7:50]

jeno: probably, yeah

jeno: it's the school district's fault, why would they make the first day of school on a fkn TUESDAY 

y/n: ohhh yeahh its terrible tuesday

y/n: [sent an attachment!]

[7:51 AM]

jeno: SHUT UP

jeno: you're not funny >:(

jeno: how dare you laugh at my misfortune

y/n: au contraire im hilarious

jeno: meanie :(

jeno: im gonna be late i hate it here

jeno: it'll end up on my permanent record and i'm not gonna get into college and then i'm gonna die,,,

[7:52 AM] 

y/n: sometimes ur worse than hyuck i swear 

y/n: FIRST OF ALL permanent records dont even exist !!!!!! its propaganda duh

y/n: also ur literally never late 

y/n: im sure o n e tardy wont do anything chill

y/n: dont be stupid youll be fine

Don’t be stupid. Too little, too late, he thought, already having got off the train at a previous stop. Now, he was looking for an unoccupied street or alleyway, which, for once, was easy, taking a deep breath before he did the exact opposite of what you’d told him not to do. Don’t be stupid. 

The buildings are low, he thought to himself, it’ll be easier to see me. 

Don’t be stupid.

Too late!

Thwip!

Jeno didn’t hesitate to use the web fluid to pull himself up onto the wall, climbing in a haste, before running and jumping onto the next building. He quickly built up a quick pace, using the web fluid occasionally to swing onto a building slightly out of jumping range. 

Signs in English, Chinese, Korean, and Spanish flew past him as he seemingly flew over the Queens traffic, leaving Flushing behind and crossing quickly into College Point quicker than he would if he took the train. He glanced to his left and caught a view of the bay, and far across it, the LaGuardia airport watchtower.

Jeno had lived in New York City his entire life. He knew Queens like the back of his hand, knew every dingy alleyway, every sketchy street, which restaurants to avoid if you didn’t want to get food poisoning, which convenience store aunties were the nicest and didn’t pinch his cheeks too hard. It was his home, and most likely would be for the rest of his life. 

But seeing it like this, flying past him below as he glided with ease from building to building would never cease to be a sight to him. It was like watching from the perspective of an outsider, seeing people in their cars, walking along the street gave him a brand new perspective. A Jeno’s eye view, he called it, since he was pretty sure he was the only one in New York City.

Another noise from his phone brought him back to reality. He shook his head, stopping briefly to catch his breath and fish out his phone briefly. 

[7:57 AM] 

y/n: let me know when u get here !!!

No time to respond, he put away the phone and continued his trek to school. He had less than ten minutes to get there. But he knew he was already at least five minutes away, much quicker than he would be if he had decided to stick to the train. He smiled a bit to himself, feeling ever so slightly smug.

The hustle and bustle of the city definitely proved challenging to find a place to land without many eyes, but he figured it out eventually, landing behind a dumpster in an alleyway behind a restaurant that he knew was about three or four blocks from the school. He figured it would be a lot better to take it on foot from here. The notebooks he was carrying in his backpack bounced up and down with every step he took. 

After what seemed like forever, the gates to the school appeared in his view, and Jeno felt a joy in his heaving chest, something he would have never thought would happen upon seeing the absolute hellhole that was Samuel Morse High School. 

[8:06 AM]

jeno: just did >:D

Picking up his schedule was both quick and insanely long. He couldn’t stop himself from tapping his left foot while the secretary found his schedule and handed it to him. “Kibum, please hurry,” He muttered, and Kibum raised an eyebrow at him, but his gaze was teasing. “That’s Mr. Kim to you, in school at least.” 

He handed Jeno his schedule a few seconds later. “Tell your Aunt to come pick up her casserole dish, by the way. She left it at my house after my last viewing party.”

“The Bachelor?��

“Please. We’re too classy for that. Drag Race.”

“Ah. I see.”

“Jeno,” Kibum said, staring up at him from his desk, his gaze now much more serious, “Get to class. Happy first day of senior year.”

“Thanks, Mr. Kim.”

He managed to make it to chemistry class at 8:09 with seconds to spare. His eyes quickly scanned the room upon entering, hoping his friends were in the class with him. He caught a few familiar faces, most of which, like San Choi's, he wished to avoid. No one paid him any mind. Everyone was still speaking to the people next to them, no doubt exchanging stories of summer vacation. 

  A hand shot up towards the back, waving at him. A smile stretched across his face as he registered your face, feet not hesitating to carry him towards the empty seat next to you. His heart skipped a beat at seeing your smile, and he tried his best to ignore it.

“Hey,” You greeted, “That was fast. I thought you said you were gonna be late.”

Jeno shrugged, eyes landing on the dark shade of the lab table. “The train was a lot faster than I expected, apparently.”

You wrinkled your nose. “Why do you smell so bad?”

“I, uh… ran a little.” 

You grimaced, and Jeno tried to casually sniff at his slightly sweaty clothes. It’s not that bad. “I still don’t understand why you won’t let me drive you to school. You’re literally next door.”

“I don’t know,” He answered, rolling his eyes, “Maybe it’s because when it comes to that truck, you are absolutely insane. You won’t even let me drink water in that thing.”

The truck in question, a faded red 1998 Chevrolet S-10, had been your gift to yourself for your 17th birthday. You’d spent two summers saving up to buy yourself a truck, and that was what you were able to get for what you had. To say it was a huge piece of junk on wheels was an understatement. 

The thing smelled like mothballs no matter how many air fresheners you bought it, the engine sounded like an old man having a coughing fit, and there was a very suspicious stain in the backseat that wouldn’t go away no matter how many times you scrubbed it. But for some reason, you treated it like it was your own baby. The amount of times you’d yelled at Jaemin for trying to put his feet on the dashboard was too high to count.

You mirrored his movement, eyes rolling as you sighed. “At least let me drive you home after school today. Maybe you can stay and we can finally watch Blade Runner.”

You’d been trying to get him to watch the film for almost a month now, begging and pleading because you insisted that he’d love it. He offered an awkward stare, before opening his backpack and pulling out a notebook. “Can’t,” He mumbled, “I’m headed into Manhattan. I have my internship afterwards.”

“Oh, yeah,” You said nonchalantly, eyebrows shooting up as you remembered, “Park Industries.” 

He was about to reply when Mrs. Baker, the chemistry teacher, finally entered. She’d been working at SMHS for 30 years and had never, apparently, been nice, if his Aunt Sunny’s stories were anything to go by. However, she had apparently always spoken as if she smoked two packs a day. She was rambling about the importance of making the most of senior year academically, adult responsibilities, college, and whatnot. You and Jeno exchanged glances often throughout the monologue, hoping it would end soon. 

“Enough of that,” She said after what seemed like an eternity, “Everyone quiet down, I’m going to call roll.”

Names were quickly called, and Jeno was ready to pull out a pencil and start working with you until Mrs Baker demanded a switch in seats, beginning to call on random names in an effort to deter everyone from speaking. 

"Please not with Choi, please not with Choi," Jeno muttered under his breath, glancing warily at San, who was staring ahead, looking bored. 

San had had it out for Jeno ever since day one, in first grade. For some reason, everything Jeno did seemed to annoy the other boy. He wasn't funny enough, or too nerdy, or too quiet. Jeno was always too much or too little for him. 

You touched his forearm, and he looked towards you. 

“You’ll be fine,” You said softly, trying not to alert the teacher, “You’re not gonna get paired up with him, and you can take it to the office if you need to.” “Yeah, because I’m sure Coach Peralta would be thrilled if someone tried to get his precious midfielder in trouble.”

“Choi, San,” Mrs Baker’s voice rang throughout the room, and Jeno braced himself for the worst, eyebrows furrowing with worry. 

“You’ll be sitting with… L/N, Y/N.” 

Jeno’s shoulders slumped, but your face remained impassive. You picked up your stuff, and pouted silently at Jeno in apology, before making your way to the front. 

“Lee, Jeno,” Mrs Baker called a few minutes later, “You’ll be sitting with Jang, Yeeun.”

He breathed out a sigh of relief. Yeeun is nice, Jeno thought to himself, I could sit with Yeeun. She wasn’t part of his main friend group, but he had tutored her in math during sophomore year in exchange for her helping him with Spanish, and they’d been pretty friendly ever since. 

“Hey,” Yeeun greeted as Jeno sat down, and Jeno smiled at her. 

“Remember, these will be your assigned lab partners for the rest of the semester. No changes, no exceptions.” Mrs. Baker sat down at her desk, before beginning to talk about something Jeno didn’t really pay attention to.

You exchanged glances with Jeno, and he gave you a look of sympathy as you gestured at San with your eyes. San was talking to you about something—probably bragging about some soccer achievement—but you weren’t paying him much attention. Jeno swallowed something growing in his throat as he looked at how your hair looked today. 

It was nothing relatively new, the same hairstyle you used on most days. But still, there was a bit of a shine to it. He wondered vaguely if you had changed your shampoo, the other day you’d been complaining about how itchy your normal shampoo made your scalp—

“You still haven’t told her about how you feel?” Yeeun asked quietly, and Jeno’s head snapped back to look at her, eyes wide.

“W-what? Me. Like Y/N…” He laughed nervously, trying to keep his voice down. He scratched the back of his head, avoiding Yeeun’s accusatory stare. “You’re hilarious, Yeeun. Tell another one.”

Yeeun shook her head. “You’d better hurry before someone else snatches her up, Jen. She’s not gonna wait around for you forever.”

 “I don’t like her, Yeeun.” 

“Keep telling yourself that.”

“Hey! Jeno Lee!”

“Hey! Jaemin Na! What do you want!” Jeno answered as he sat down, mimicking Jaemin’s tone next to him.

“Well, for starters, a million dollars, and second, a date with Yiren Wang, but I doubt you can help me with either of those, so...”

Jeno glanced at the rest of the table. Along with Jaemin, Mark,  Renjun, Donghyuck, and you were watching the interaction between the pair. “Where are the munchkins?” Jeno asked, noticing Chenle and Jisung’s absence. No one could really call them munchkins anymore. That nickname dated back to middle school, before the two underclassmen had gone through growth spurts.

“Eh, they should be here soon,” Renjun said, chewing on a french fry, “How’s your day been?”

“Pretty good so far, I guess. I got AP Calc with Mr. Washington later, though. That man wants me dead.”

You rolled your eyes. “He doesn’t want you dead. I’m telling you, you and Hyuck have been spending way too much time together. You’re being more dramatic than usual and Hyuck’s being more… weird than usual.”

“And just what is so weird about being enthusiastic about senior year, Y/N?” Donghyuck asked, shaking his head, “It’s our last year in this hellhole, I’m excited that we’re finally getting out of here. And besides—”

“Please don’t bring up the fact that you’re abandoning us next year.” Chenle seemingly appeared out of nowhere, sitting next to Renjun, Jisung following quickly behind him.

“Hi, Sungie,” You said with a smile, and Jisung smiled back. “Hi, Y/N.”

“What were you saying, Hyuck?” Jaemin looked at Donghyuck, who had taken the quick interaction as an opportunity to take a bite of his sandwich. His wide eyes darted to the slim boy, cheeks stuffed with chicken. 

“Oh,” He replied after swallowing, “This is gonna be my year. I’m getting male lead for the winter musical and no one is gonna stop me.”

“Do you even know what musical you guys are doing yet?” Mark asked, “What if it’s like… Shrek?”

Jisung made a face. “There’s a Shrek musical?”

Mark nodded, and Renjun laughed.

“I don’t know about male lead, if it’s Shrek. You should try out for Donkey,” The Chinese boy joked, “With those front teeth, you’re a shoo-in.”

The entire table was silent for a moment, before snorts and chortles started pouring out from everyone except Donghyuck.

“Fuck you, Huang.” 

Renjun flashed the friendliest smile he could muster. “Not if you paid me a million dollars.”

The subject remained on extracurriculars, everyone in your group except for Chenle and Jisung now wary of college applications. Donghyuck had been in theater ever since middle school, Renjun was in the robotics club and the debate team with Jaemin, who was also in the student council. Mark was on the math team with Jeno, and you had founded the film club. 

"You're not gonna believe who asked to sign up for film," You huffed, looking kind of confused. The rest of the table looked at you expectantly, and you pursed your lips, almost as if you were trying not to laugh.

"San Choi."

Renjun scoffed. Jaemin raised his eyebrows before letting out a single, humorless laugh. Jeno made a face, poking his plastic fork at you. 

"What is San Choi doing asking to sign up for film?"

"Fuck if I know. He said he needed one more extracurricular if he wanted to get into some college in Florida and he liked going to the movies, so he wanted to try out film."

Mark rolled his eyes. "I swear there's nothing in that guy's head but hot gas. It blows my mind."

"He's a dick," Chenle grumbled, "I'm still not over how he and Wooyoung taped Jisung to the flagpole last year."

Jisung scowled. "I thought we agreed to never bring that up again."

“Do you think they’ll finally calm the fuck down this year?” Jaemin wondered, looking wistful.

You took a sip of your coke and shook your head. “Doubt it. They’re not the hateful eight for a reason.”

The mood at the table turned tense, until Jaemin frowned at his french fries, before sighing and clapping his hands together dramatically. “I would like to hear,” He mused, “About the nuance that theatre gives the cinematic masterpiece that is Shrek when converted into musical form.”

Donghyuck beamed. “Oh, it’s amazing. You see…”

If it was difficult to get Donghyuck to stop talking in general, it was impossible when it was about theater.

The conversation continued on until the bell rang, and the eight of you had to go your separate ways. Jaemin and Jeno had the same class, so they both walked together down a relatively calm hallway. Jaemin looked both ways, before finally lowering his voice. 

“So, you’re going to see Mr. Park today?”

Jeno nodded, looking down at his shoes. “He said he wanted to give me an assignment. Says there’s something big going on.”

Jaemin’s eyes lit up with curiosity. “Did he say what kind of something?” 

Jeno shook his head, pouting slightly. “I’ll let you know tomorrow.” 

Once school was out, Jeno was getting ready to get onto the subway once again, this time heading towards Midtown. It was only day one and, as Jeno had predicted, Mr. Washington probably was out to get him, because he’d swamped the class with homework.

As he left the school, he spotted you in the parking lot, leaning against your car door, texting someone. He glanced at his phone. He still had plenty of time, he figured. He walked over to you, and when you looked up, you smiled. 

“Hey!” Your voice had that signature tone of enthusiasm to it, and Jeno smiled back immediately. 

“Hello,” He sing-songed. “So, I was thinking… are you free on Friday night?”

You looked somewhere above his head, furrowing your eyebrows before you perked up again and nodded. “Yep! Why?”

“I’m free after nine. Maybe then I could come over to your house? So I can finally get you to stop harassing me about Blade Runner.”

You grinned, pumping your fists enthusiastically. “Hell yes,” You answered, “Do you want me to get like, some frozen pizzas or something?” 

“Pizza sounds good,” He said. “Who are you even waiting for?” 

You made a face that made it seem as if you’d just gotten a whiff of rotten milk. “Well—”

Your response was interrupted when the school doors slammed open, and eight figures poured out, carrying themselves with confidence Jeno both envied and despised. He frowned, trying not to react at their loud whooping and laughing. The Hateful Eight.

“Oh.” Jeno averted his gaze, meeting your eyes again.

“Yeah. If you don’t hear from me later it’s because I jumped out of my truck because I don’t wanna work with—”

“Well, hello, gorgeous!” San’s voice filled the parking lot, and Jeno took a deep breath. Your mouth stretched into a tight-lipped smile at the unwanted ‘compliment’. 

“Hey, San.” Your friendly passive aggressive tone almost made Jeno smile. “I’ve been waiting here for like, fifteen minutes. You could have just given me your number and asked me to send you pictures of my notes, you know.”

He shrugged, turning his body so that his back was turned to Jeno. “Sorry, babe. Coach wanted to talk to us about the upcoming season. When he gets going, it’s hard to get him to stop. And besides, where’s the fun in just asking for pictures when I could come here, talk to you, and take the pictures myself?”

You didn’t respond, but rather pulled out your backpack and began digging through it. When you pulled out your notebook, you handed it to San, who flashed a wink at you. You barely held back a gag. 

“Thanks, Y/N. I’ll just be a minute.” 

He walked over to the hood of your truck, and just as you were about to continue your conversation, two figures slung their arms around both of Jeno’s shoulders, causing him to flinch. 

Out of the fifteen soccer players on the team, San and his best friends—seven of them, to be precise—were the worst. The others were pretty nice. But right now, seeing two of those seven surround your best friend made you uneasy. 

Wooyoung was loud. He was also a temperamental brat. His dad owned three used car dealerships over in Brooklyn, so naturally, he thought he owned the entire world. He wasn’t someone who would get too physical in fights, like San, or Jongho, or Yeosang. But when he was angry, he could easily get you to jump into the stratosphere by yelling at you once. Over the years, he’d made several teaching assistants and substitute teachers cry, only getting let off with a slap on the wrist every time. 

 Yunho was terrifying for completely different reasons. He was friendly, but a little too friendly to the people he wanted to control. He could read people like books and could easily manipulate whoever he wanted. But he wasn’t afraid of getting physical either, especially not when he was built like a goddamn Power Rangers Megazord. 

All in all, they definitely weren't anyone you wanted near you, near your friends. Especially considering how much they had it out for your friends. 

"Hey, buddy," Yunho said, looking down at Jeno with a wide smile. "How was summer vacation?"

Jeno gnawed on the side of his cheek as he considered his answer. "Um, it was okay." He looked at you to catch your eyes darting between San, Yunho and Wooyoung, like you were analyzing the situation. "I kinda stayed in and played video games most of the t—"

"Cool, cool," Yunho answered, carding his free hand through his bleach blond hair. "What about you, Woo?"

"Oh, dude, it was so cool," He bragged, "I went to Brazil for like, a month. I went clubbing with Instagram models and shit, it was wild."

You stared at him as he patted Jeno on the back rather aggressively. "Where did you go? Have you ever even left New York?" 

You knew the answer. Only a few times when the debate team went to compete in different states. Jeno spoke up again. "Well, yeah a few t—"

"Doubt it," Yunho scoffed. He craned his head back. "San, you done yet?"

"Almost!" San answered. Yunho turned to face you, and for some reason his smile seemed genuinely kind. “What about you, Y/N?”

You never understood why it was that the soccer team hated your entire friend group, but seemed to tolerate you. It made no sense.

So you shrugged. “Not a lot, I guess. Did my summer reading. Hung out with my friends.” You flashed a reassuring smile at Jeno. “Right, Jen?”

Immediately, he relaxed a little bit. “Yeah.”

San appeared from behind Yunho, Jeno and Wooyoung. “Thanks, Y/N. I owe you one.”

You waved your hand, wanting them to get rid of them quickly. “Don’t mention it. But next time, just text me for my notes. I have to get to work, so…”

“Oh! My bad,” He answered with fake remorse, before unlocking his phone and handing it over to you. “Here. For next time.”

You stifled a deep sigh, punching in the numbers hesitantly. “Just for homework, got it?”

San took his phone back, holding a hand over his heart and raised his head. “On a gentleman's honor,” He declared, and you bit back a laugh. Jeno looked like he was going to hurl.

“San!” The team captain—Hongjoong—called from a few feet away, “Are you guys done yet or what?”

“Coming!” San yelled back.

“Alright, we’ll let you go,” Wooyoung said, patting Jeno on the back again, a bit too harsh for comfort. “Bye, Y/N! See you around.”

 The three of them stalked off, leaving you and a very frazzled Jeno. “Dicks,” You muttered once they were out of earshot. “You good?”

Jeno shook his head, waving his hand dismissively. “I’ll be fine.”

You tilted your head, frowning. “Jeno—”

“I gotta go,” He said quickly. “I’ll see you later?”

You nodded, offering a lopsided smile. “Yeah. Be careful!” 

Jeno offered a deep bow, fluttering his eyelashes. “On a gentleman’s honor,” He sighed, adding a very bad British accent to it. You burst out laughing, eyes squeezing shut.

You didn’t catch the way Jeno’s shoulders relaxed at the sound.

I want you to know now

Baby, it could go down

I don’t wanna talk about it

Baby, let’s just go now

The train ride into Midtown didn’t take too long. He spent it digging through his backpack for his Park Industries lanyard, listening to music and thinking about you.

When you talk right to me 

You gon’ have to do me

Every time you think you’re leaving 

You running back to me

You’d met Jeno when you were six. Truth be told, he didn’t really remember. For him it was like you weren’t there at one point and by the time you were, you were thicker than thieves. It was a difficult time for him. He had just lost both of his parents, and was moving in with his Aunt Sunny and his Uncle Jinki, who were barely out of college at the time. He’d had to move to a new school and basically restart his entire life. You were the first sense of stability in his life for months. 

Your mom lived next to his aunt and uncle. So naturally, you went to the same school and went on the same bus. And somewhere along the way, you two clicked. You’d introduced him to Renjun, Jaemin and Donghyuck. You were there to comfort him whenever he got pushed off the slide by San or Wooyoung. 

He was there for you when your stepdad and stepbrother moved in when you were nine and you weren’t sure how to deal with it. He was there when your mom died when you were thirteen. He’d introduced you and your friends to Mark, Chenle and Jisung. 

And you were there when his Uncle Jinki got killed when he was fifteen. And because fate had an especially cruel sense of irony, it had happened on a Tuesday. You didn’t know, but at the time, he had just gotten his powers. Your comfort and words unknowingly had a secondary effect: he made the decision to use them for good, and… well. The rest was history. 

Can we just talk? Can we just talk?

Talk about where we're goin'

Before we get lost, lend me your thoughts

Can't get what we want without knowin'

Just like when he met you, he didn’t recall an exact moment where he realized he’d fallen in love with you. He knew there was a world where he loved you, but wasn’t in love with you. And he knew that there was a world here he’d fallen in love with you—he was living in that world now. He realized he was living in that world maybe when he was sixteen, and had been stuck in it ever since. 

You were it for him. He’d had crushes before. But never something like this, where he was so aware of your presence around him. It wasn’t the way he was hyper aware of someone like San, or like Yunho or Jongho. It wasn’t out of anxiety or fear, where a shift in mood activated his fight or flight. He was aware of you in a way that only people who truly know each other do, where he could pick up on subtle changes in your behavior, but not out of fear. Rather, out of a desire to take care of you and to not have you worry about anything. 

I've never felt like this before

I apologize if I'm movin' too far

Can we just talk? Can we just talk?

Figure out where we're goin'...

As the train rolled into the station that was a fifteen minute walk from Park Tower, Jeno put away his headphones and took a deep breath.

The “Jeno Tingle” as his Aunt Sunny called it—Jeno hated the term—had taken him a few years to gain control of. And while he could never truly turn it off, he could at least tune it out enough to be more at ease. The only time he did so was at school or when he was studying, just because he wanted to feel normal, and because being aware of everything going on around him really messed with his concentration. 

Jaemin didn’t understand. “If I was able to tell whenever Seonghwa was behind me because he wanted to scare me into doing his chemistry homework, I’d never turn that shit off,” He’d said once. But truthfully, Jeno didn’t really care. Because while yes, he was still slightly scared of the “hateful eight”, he knew damn well that if things got to be too much, he could kick their asses if he wanted to. 

It was his friends he worried about. He couldn’t be around them 24/7. You, not so much. He knew you knew how to fight. Even worse, he knew that San had the hots for you so you were off limits to the rest of them, be it bullying or flirting. But for everyone else… Well. He couldn’t hover over them like some guardian angel. 

Now that the “Jeno Tingle” was on, it allowed him to sense everyone within a certain range around him. He could zero in on certain sounds with ease, and his reflexes became heightened. Halfway on his walk up Park Avenue, he jumped away from a chihuahua on its leash a second before it started barking at him.

When he entered the first floor lobby of the Park Building, he scoured the crowd of employees and visitors until he landed on one familiar face. 

He'd met Doyoung about a year after his dad started dating your mom. Things between your parents were starting to get serious, and Doyoung was four years older than you were. When they moved into your house, Doyoung as your new stepbrother became the de facto chaperone and babysitter. If you wanted to go to the mall with Jeno, he had to take you. Every time you dragged Jeno to the movies, Doyoung had to go also. 

To an extent, it wasn't that bad. Doyoung was cool, and he was smart—he was the one who got Jeno interested in computers and chemistry. He graduated high school at 16, and finished his bachelor's degree at 19. He'd also interned at Park Industries, and secured a job there almost immediately after college. 

To an extent, he was the whole reason Mr. Park knew who he was, because of one incident. It was relatively soon after he started the whole vigilante thing. Jeno, still figuring out how to maneuver on the webs that shot out of his wrists, had accidentally crashed into your backyard late at night, when only Doyoung was awake. He was standing in the back door while he was waiting for his dog to finish peeing. 

Initially, the older boy had freaked out, thinking that it was a burglar or something. When he yelled out that his dad was a cop and was asleep in the house, Jeno panicked, and pulled off his mask, holding up his hands.

“Woah, woahwoahwoah! Doyoung! It’s me, it’s me!” 

Doyoung’s eyes had widened to the size of saucers, paying no mind to the dog as it sauntered up to Jeno, before turning onto its back in a request for belly rubs.

"You're the spider guy everyone's been talking about!?"

"Spider man," Jeno had answered, voice cracking as he dusted himself off. He cringed at the sound of his voice. "...and yes."

Of course, his cover was blown, and he'd begged Doyoung not to tell anyone, especially not you. And while Doyoung had promised not to tell you, it didn't stop him from telling his boss. 

That had been almost three years ago now. The rest was history, and after that Jeno didn’t have to run around in bright red sweatpants and dollar store swimming goggles. Now, he had a nanotech suit that allowed him to activate protocols of the suit through voice commands using something top-secret Mr. Park called D.R.E.A.M technology. Direct Response Engaged As Machine—yeah, Jeno didn’t get it either. 

Doyoung offered Jeno a smile as he escorted Jeno past security, showing them his employee clearance pass. "Hey. How have you been?"

Jeno shrugged, recounting his day in minor detail as he was led into an elevator labeled authorized personnel only. 

This elevator only went up to the 35th floor, seeing as everything past that was only cleared for a certain list of people approved by Mr. Park and his security team, and everything past the 90th floor were Mr. Park's private living quarters. 

Now, as Doyoung led him to another elevator to head up to the 85th floor, which was always where Jeno got to meet with Mr. Park—which wasn't often, maybe once or twice a year—he wondered where he would be if he hadn’t surprised Doyoung that night. He would probably still be using those ugly red sweatpants as part of his disguise.

"How's Y/N?" Doyoung asked. 

"Oh, she seems okay. That guy who hates me keeps coming onto her though. He's a huge douchebag."

Doyoung frowned. "He's not harassing her, is he? Because if he is—"

"He just won't stop flirting, even though she clearly isn't interested," Jeno said bitterly, "He isn't physical or anything. Trust me, it wouldn't end well for him if he was."

Doyoung wasn't quite sure how to respond to the younger boy's dark tone. He looked down, clearing his throat awkwardly.

“So… how’s the apartment?” Jeno asked. Doyoung perked up instantly.

“Oh, now that Taeyong’s moved in and did his interior design thing, it looks great. He’s really done a great job at it.”

“When am I gonna meet this guy? He sounds cool.”

“He’s really cool,” Doyoung hummed, cheeks heating up. “Things are getting really serious.”

Jeno smiled at how flustered Doyoung, who was normally so level headed and calm, became at the mention of his boyfriend.

“You guys sound like a really good couple,” He said. Doyoung chuckled, waving his hand. “Oh, well—” 

 The elevator dinged, and Doyoung sighed. “I’ll tell you later. C’mon.”

The hallway it opened up to was lined with pictures of the company's history, starting from pictures of black and white of people in vintage clothing, to pictures in sepia tones to finally pictures of the current CEO at locations around the world: Chanyeol Park.

Jeno walked behind Doyoung as he led him down the hallway, before stopping in front of a door, and a friendly looking man in a suit. 

Junmyeon was a part of Chanyeol’s Security and Intelligence team, and often sat in on these meetings with Jeno. The chain of contact also included him. If Jeno couldn’t contact Doyoung (which rarely happened), he’d contact Junmyeon. And if he couldn’t contact either of them, or it was an emergency, only then could he contact Chanyeol. So far, that had only happened once.

"Hey, Junmyeon," Doyoung said, "Mr. Park's 4:30 is here." 

Junmyeon nodded, before smiling at Jeno and giving him a wave. "Hey, kid."

Jeno offered an awkward grin. "Hi, Mr. Kim."

Junmyeon rolled his eyes sarcastically. "Kid, you're making me feel ancient. I've told you a million times, just call me Junmyeon."

Jeno shuffled awkwardly, before nodding at the older man, watching as he pressed a button on his earpiece. "Hey, Yeol. Jeno's here."

The muffled response was barely heard, but Jeno automatically understood what Mr. Park said. Junmyeon turned to open the door, and let the pair inside. The “office”—if it could even be called that—opened up to more of a lounge, than anything. A wall of glass overlooked the Manhattan skyline, but Jeno knew that from the outside it looked only like a wall, due to camouflage technology developed by Mr. Park himself. As Doyoung and Junmyeon stayed back, closer to the door, Jeno took a few steps toward the man in question.

Chanyeol was standing a few feet in front of the glass window, working on a holographic model of a new piece of tech. His face was turned downward in a concentrated frown. He barely spared the teenager a glance as he said fondly, “Hey, kid.”

Jeno was used to this. Chanyeol wasn’t cold per se, but he wasn’t warm at all. He knew that Chanyeol cared about him, even if he didn’t really show it in a conventional way. Chanyeol was a very… eccentric man, so he had his own way of saying and doing things. 

“Hi, Mr. Park. Um… you wanted to talk to me?”

“Yep! Needed some help from the friendly neighborhood Spiderman… A little birdie told me about something going on in Queens.”

“Queens?” Jeno asked, gripping the straps of his backpack. “You mean, other than the usual stuff?”

“Other than the usual stuff,” Chanyeol repeated, nodding. With a wave of his hand, the hologram disappeared, and another one appeared in its place. This time, instead of a 3D model, a few pictures and another, smaller 3D model appeared. Chanyeol turned to face him, frown deepening. He pointed at the model—a long, shiny oval-shaped purple stone. It reminded Jeno of an amethyst, but instead of turning white at the base, it turned to an iridescent jade tone. “You know what this is, right?”

Jeno nodded, remembering seeing the rocks all over the news when he was a kid. “That’s… that’s a Chitauri stone. From the invasion a few years back.”

Chanyeol nodded, standing up straight. “These stones have the potential to power weapons with no need to recharge, or change them out. They’re an infinite, extremely strong power source, Jeno, and in the wrong hands can be very dangerous.”

Jeno took a deep breath, feeling his stomach sink slowly. Chanyeol sighed. “Cleanup of the city after the invasion was long, and difficult, and obviously the government and the company weren’t able to get everything. It caused a black market to pop up. Now, the NYPD has been investigating it for years, but they have their limits… that’s where you come in.”

“M-me, Mr. Park?”

Chanyeol gave him a crooked, reassuring smile. He pointed at one of the pictures, which was of a man who most likely didn’t know he was photographed. He was walking somewhere, face looking angry and stern.

“You don’t know who this is, right?”

Jeno shook his head, and Chanyeol turned his head to nod at Junmyeon. “You’re up, tough guy.”

Junmyeon huffed, before walking up to Jeno. He put his hand on Jeno’s shoulder as if he could tell that he was growing anxious. 

“Jeno, that’s Henry Duke. From what we understand on the intel team, he’s one of the cornerstones of the alien tech black market. He’s one of the top dogs. From what we understand, he likes to be present for all major negotiations that his group makes. A source of ours told us that there’s going to be a negotiation on Friday night not too far away from LaGuardia. We want you to go out there and just get a feel of what’s going on.”

“Just watch them, right?” Jeno looked at Junmyeon, who patted his back reassuringly. “Just watch. Don’t engage unless you absolutely have to.”

“You can do that, right?” Chanyeol said quietly, crossing his arms. “Because if not, then it’s totally—”

“Yeah, of course I can! Friday—shit, Friday. At what time are they supposed to be meeting up?”

Junmyeon furrowed his eyebrows, before answering, “Around eight or nine.”

Jeno bit his lip, thinking about the promise he’d made to you. It would just have to wait, he supposed. Chanyeol rarely asked anything this big of him.

“Alright,” Jeno agreed, “I’ll do it.”

Chanyeol grinned, clapping his hands together. 

“Perfect.” 

They discussed logistics briefly after. Doyoung would be on call with Jeno, his custom made suit allowing them to communicate, letting Doyoung see everything Jeno was seeing via a video feed coming from the ultra thin lenses placed in the white eye sockets of the mask. Doyoung would then report to Junmyeon, who would report to Chanyeol, who would probably report to the FBI. Jeno was only to engage if absolutely necessary.

After that, he set out on patrol. He usually found some discreet place to hide his backpack, and then went all over Queens looking for trouble, quite literally. Around five thirty, he stopped a robbery in Murray Hill. Then, around seven, he stopped a man from stealing a woman’s purse in Elmhurst. Nothing too much.

Around eight, he finally headed home, this time dressed normally, using the train and not web fluid. He walked home, tired, knowing that he’d immediately have to do that cursed AP calc homework. When he got home, he opened his backpack pocket to look for his keys, rummaging between his notebooks and other things. 

Shuffling through his stuff, he furrowed his eyebrows as he couldn’t find them. Thinking back, he remembered this morning, when he’d left in a rush… and had very obviously left his keys on his desk.

“Shit,” He muttered to himself. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, remembering that Aunt Sunny had said she’d be working overtime tonight. He could very easily sneak in through his window, but he was pretty sure he’d locked it the night before, and it was too early. People’s lights were still on—anyone could see him if they just looked up, and then he would be screwed. 

Huffing and zipping his backpack up, he marched up to your house, before ringing the doorbell. He shifted his weight back and forth, from his heels to the balls of his feet, until the door opened up. A familiar man with a face just like Doyoung's, but older, with graying hair and arms scarred and muscled from years of working on the police force stood in the doorway.

“Jeno?” Your dad offered him a warm smile. “Hey, kiddo, what’s up?”

“Hi, Mr. Kim,” Jeno said, smiling back. He shifted nervously. “I, um… I left my keys in my room this morning, and my aunt’s working late, so… could I… maybe wait here? Y/N’s home, right?” 

The man nodded. “Of course, of course. Come in!” 

Your dad had always been super friendly, even from the day Jeno had first met him. You'd told Jeno once that he was the only real father figure you'd ever had. Once everything settled after him and your mom got married, you started calling him dad altogether. And since you and Jeno were practically glued at the hip, he got along with your dad almost as well as you did.

“Okay.” Jeno stepped in and set down his backpack at the base of the coat rack next to the door, as he’d done a million times before. Jeno stepped into the living room, and sat down on the couch. He folded his hands in his lap and looked up at your dad.

"I think Y/N's in the shower, but she should be done soon. You can just wait here if you want… have you eaten anything yet?”

“Uh, I had a granola bar on the train, but that’s it.”

“We have some leftover pasta here, if you want—”

“Thanks, Mr. Kim, really! I’m fine.”

Your dad nodded, sitting down on his recliner. “So, have you started your college list, yet? Y/N said you wanted to stay here in New York.”

Jeno nodded, pushing some hair out of his face. “Well, yeah. It would make things a lot easier, I think. I might want to apply to NYU, but I think I’ll just go to community college, or something.”

Your dad shook his head. “You’re a pretty smart kid, Jeno. I think you could get into Columbia if you set out to. Plus, Chanyeol Park doesn’t give out internships to anybody. That’s your secret weapon.”

Jeno smiled. “Well, you’ve got a point.” 

Your dad gave him a friendly punch on the shoulder. “Come on, trying won’t hurt!” Your dad made a face, and then rubbed his knuckles. “Have you been working out? Those muscles weren’t there the last time I did that.”

Jeno laughed, trying to think of an excuse. “Oh, a little bit? The house needed some fixing up over the summer, and I wanted to help Aunt Sunny, so…”

“Jeno?” 

He turned immediately, eyes landing on you at the base of the staircase. You’d changed into an old t-shirt and pajama pants. Your hair was slightly damp. “What are you doing here?” You asked, with a curious smile.

His shoulders slumped, and he grinned sheepishly. “Terrible Tuesday strikes again. I forgot my keys.”

You grimaced. “Brutal, dude. You wanna come up?” Your eyes moved to your dad. “Or am I interrupting guy time?”

“Oh, definitely,” Jeno answered, playing along. He took a cocky tone as he rested his hands on the back of his neck. “Your dad was just telling me about how much the NYPD needs me.” 

You stifled a laugh. You dad seemed to be holding back a laugh too. "Hey, you're joking, but if you keep working out like that, and if by some impossible chance, the college thing doesn't work out… We might just be able to catch Spiderman if we finally got some brain cells on the force."

"Ugh, dad," You groaned, unaware of Jeno's gut twisting, "Not again."

"Yeah, Mr. Kim," Jeno said, scratching the back of his head, "He's not that bad."

Your dad shook his head. "Look, I don't hate the guy. In all honesty, crime rates have dropped since he started doing his thing. But he thinks he's above the law, and his methods can be a bit… unorthodox sometimes. He’s been undermining us for years and his tech is state of the art. Makes me wonder about what we should do to modernize the force."

Jeno looked downward, wondering what would happen if your dad knew the truth.

"Well, I guess we may just never find out. Jeno'd make a horrible cop. He couldn't hurt a fly if you paid him a million dollars."

But you came to the rescue as you grabbed his backpack, and soon enough he was up the stairs with you, heading into your bedroom, laughing to yourselves when you heard your dad jokingly call out, "Fifteen inch distance, you two! Door stays open!"

He sat on your desk chair while you lay on your bed, limbs splaying out. 

"So you left your keys."

Jeno groaned. "Don't remind me. I was in such a rush to leave, that I… I forgot. I'm so stupid."

You rolled your eyes, rolling over onto your stomach to look at him. "You're not stupid, Jen. You made an honest mistake because you were in a hurry." 

Standing up, you walked over to him and leaned against the desk. "Seriously, Jeno. What's gotten into you, lately? You freak out about every little thing. It's starting to worry me." 

Jeno shook his head. "I don't know," He admitted. "I think I'm just scared about how after this year, everything changes. Renjun’s headed upstate. Jaemin’s going to Boston. You want to go to LA. I think Hyuck and I are the only ones who want to stay here. I just… I don't want things to change." 

Your expression turned sad as he continued. "Everyone is expecting great things from me. You're smart, Jeno. You can get into an Ivy. Or, you have a Park internship, you'll be fine. What if I don't want things to be fine? What if I want them to just stay the same?"

You stayed silent for a few moments, trying to think of what to say. Jeno was relatively level headed for someone your age, but even he had moments of doubt and panic. It made moments like these difficult.  You sighed before grabbing him by the hand. Wordlessly, you tugged him over to the bed, sitting him down and leaning your head on his shoulder. He could feel the dampness in your hair seeping slowly into his shirt.

"I guess I understand what you mean," You mumbled, trying to reason with him, "But come on. You wouldn't really want everything to stay the same. You can't tell me you want to keep getting AP calc homework. And I definitely doubt that you'd want to have your ass kicked by San for the rest of your life."

Jeno looked at the floor. "You're right. But you know that's not what I mean—"

"I know," You huffed, "I'm just saying. Change… it's inevitable. The longer you fight it, the harder it is."

Jeno nodded. "This sucks."

"It does," You agreed, taking his hand in yours. "But at least we have each other's backs, y'know?"

Something of a smile appeared on his face. You were so close to him, leaning on him, stroking his knuckles with your thumb. He hoped you couldn't hear his heart pounding in his chest. 

"We really do, huh?" His voice turned quiet, with a bit of a sleepy lull to it. He allowed his head to rest on yours. "You're so comfortable. Can I like, use you as a pillow for the rest of my life?"

You giggled. "I'll consider it on two conditions."

"Oh, you'll consider. How generous of you."

"Yes, I'll consider. Now, do you wanna hear my terms or not?" 

Jeno raised an eyebrow. "Go ahead," He said, before putting on his best Marlon Brando voice, "Make me an offer I can't refuse."

Snorting, you lifted your head off of his. "Okay. One, you finish your calculus homework here before Sunny gets home."

He pursed his lips. "Okay, I could probably do that. What's the other one?"

"Let me drive you to school for the rest of the year." 

Jeno stared at you, and you nodded, eyes wide. "Trust me, Jen. You wouldn't need to wake up so early! And plus, you can't text the guy manning the subway asking him to give you five minutes because you need to find your keys."

Jeno gnawed on the inside of his cheek. You did have a point, and to be honest, he could probably refrain from putting his feet up on your dashboard.

"Deal." 

You grinned. "Awesome," You answered, before nodding towards his backpack. "Now get to work, Einstein."

The rest of the week wasn't that bad. Yes, you were absolutely batshit insane about your truck in the morning, but he soon realized he didn't really mind. Not when it allowed you both to spend some twenty extra minutes together in the mornings, and they were spent joking around and listening to your extremely varied playlist. 

On the other hand, he was saddled with more and more homework, greater and greater expectations. The looming threat of Friday's mission rolled around, and it made Jeno feel like time was passing much too slowly but also way too quickly. There was so much on his mind. He had chemistry with you on Thursdays in the afternoon, which also meant that San was there. Which also meant that sometimes, his heightened senses would pick up on San dropping a tacky pick up line which made Jeno want to punch him in the jaw.

Finally, finally, Friday afternoon rolled around. As he bid you goodbye and promised to see you later, he tried to ignore the feeling in his stomach. The feeling that something was about to go very, very wrong. He went out on patrol, ready for Doyoung to set up the call and tell him where he needed to go. It didn’t help that there wasn’t a lot for him to do that day. Crime had seemed to slow down altogether. 

When the time finally came, and the sun was beginning to set, Doyoung rang in at about 7, telling him the location. An old warehouse near LaGuardia airport, hidden from prying eyes. Jeno made his way to the place, avoiding security cameras Doyoung warned him about, and found a place to hide. There was a hole in the warehouse roof, which allowed him to peer right into the building without being seen. It was about thirty feet from the ground.

“Why is it always old, abandoned warehouses?” Jeno grumbled. He heard Doyoung laugh quietly. 

“Beats me,” Doyoung sighed. 

And so they waited. Jeno wondered vaguely if you were still working. He wasn’t sure. They made time talking quietly, until a black SUV rolled into the warehouse. “Woah, Doyoung,” He murmured, “Hold up.”

Jeno leaned forward, but quickly realized he probably wouldn’t be able to hear what was being said. “D.R.E.A.M, activate Heightened Intelligence Protocol.”

Activating Heightened Intelligence Protocol.

The protocol allowed Jeno to use the lenses over his eyes to zoom in on specific targets, as well as use a microphone embedded in the suit to pick up audio from far away and feed it directly into his ears.

He watched as three figures got out of the car, a fourth remaining in the driver’s seat. The trio stood in front of the car, and Jeno recognized the man in the middle as the man Junmyeon had been talking about.

“Alright, there’s Henry Duke,” He said, “The one in the middle.”

 “Got it,” Doyoung replied, sounding satisfied. “Now all we have to do is wait for the other party.”

“Did Junmyeon’s sources say anything about who it would be?”

“No. They weren’t able to find that out. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”

Jeno’s eyes never left the man. “Do you think it’s something international?”

Doyoung sighed. “I’m not sure. If it is international, then you need to be even more careful.”

“Got it. I think—Wait, here they come.” 

A second vehicle, this one another black SUV, rolled up not too far away from the first car. The lights turned off and the engine sputtered to a stop, and four men stepped out of the vehicle.

Jeno’s stomach dropped, and of its own accord, his mouth let loose a quiet, “What the fuck,” as he registered the person leading them. 

“What?” Doyoung asked, before realizing what—who—he was looking at. “...Is that my dad?”

“I think it is,” Jeno whispered, fingertips suddenly numb. Who was he kidding? They both knew who it was. 

“So,” One of the men next to your dad said, “You show us yours, we’ll show you ours?”

Henry Duke clapped his hands together with an impish grin. “I suppose. Reagan, get the case.”

One of the two men standing beside him started off toward the trunk of the car. “It caught me off guard when I heard that the force wanted to purchase these. Almost made me wonder if this was your attempt at a sting operation.”

“What made you change your mind?” Your dad asked. Jeno swallowed at how cold he sounded. This wasn’t your dad, and it didn’t seem like Officer Kim either. This was someone Jeno had never met before. 

“Honestly, Kim?” Duke raised an eyebrow, shrugging. “It was you. Your cooperativeness and willing to feed us information, as well as your… insurance agreement. And besides, you made a very interesting point when you said that the Avengers Initiative and Park’s alum Spiderman is ruining the way the law operates around here. That type of bitterness… hard to fake.”

Your dad huffed. “We’re fucking tired of it.”

The man leaning against the car your dad had stepped out of scoffed. “If this helps us catch the little asshole, then so be it.”

Jeno frowned. “I’m not little—”

“Jeno, shut up!” Doyoung snapped. 

“—Alright, then.” The man holding the briefcase—Reagan—clicked it open, as if it were a prize reveal on The Price is Right. Five guns, all modified to hold glowing Chitauri stones were placed carefully together side by side.

“You know the basics. No radiation. Keep it away from security scanners and x-rays. They will blow up. And second of all, these are at half the price, along with the promise from the chief of police that my business won’t be touched, and will only be distributed to officers in on the operation and have agreed to turn off their body cameras when they decide to use these weapons. Should this not be a sting operation, we’ll be back here to negotiate.”

Jeno leaned forward, watching anxiously.

“Yes, sir,” Your dad answered, nodding. “We have the money here.”

“Hand it over, then.”

That was when Jeno made his mistake. He leaned forward too much, and proceeded to fall right through the hole, bringing down some scraps of the roof with him. As he tumbled through the air, the zoom on his lenses caused him to grow dizzy as he had no idea what he was looking at. He caught himself before he could fall, clumsily commanding D.R.E.A.M to go back to turn off the current protocol. His vision returned to normal, and he swung up onto a rafter holding the warehouse up.

“So, we have company.” Duke didn’t sound as amused as he had before. His face turned into a sneer. “Get him.”

In less than a second, before Jeno could say anything, five guns were pointed directly at him. He managed to swing away before any bullets could hit him. 

“Jeno, get out of there now,” Doyoung ordered. 

“What about the guns?” Jeno asked, swinging to another rafter. “They know I’m here, I might as well get them before I go—”

“No! Jeno, listen to what I’m telling you. You’ve done more than enough, and you need to let it g—”

Your dad aimed, and a bullet fired right at Jeno’s chest. For a second, he forgot that the chest area of the suit was lined with bulletproof material. While it didn’t shoot into his chest, it ricocheted right off him, and since he was in motion, it somehow caused the bullet to bounce back in the direction in which it came. 

The wind was knocked out of Jeno, but it was nothing compared to watching the bullet land in the middle of your father’s chest. On the other line, he heard Doyoung yell, followed by the sound of something falling. And then, as he made his way back towards the hole he’d fallen out of, he couldn’t rip his eyes away from the body as it crumpled to the ground. 

The others around him scrambled to get back into their respective cars. Jeno was back on the roof now, trying not to hyperventilate. “I’m sorry,” He gasped, “Do—Doyoung, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t want to—”

“Jeno, you need to get out of there, now,” Doyoung said, voice raspy. “GO!” 

So he did, and Doyoung cut off the call once he was out of the vicinity. Jeno didn’t blame him. He swung across buildings, feeling numb as he looked for the apartment complex roof where he’d decided to hide his backpack.

When he finally did, he changed in a hurry, before slumping against the wall and forcing himself to take deep breaths. 

Doyoung’s dad—your dad—was dead. And it was all his fault. 

He cried on the way down the staircase. He cried on his way to the subway. The entire time, he ignored people’s stares. Suddenly everything was too loud, and if he met someone in the eyes he’d just about break down in the middle of the station. 

As he got onto the train, Jeno thought about all of the things your dad had done for you, and for Jeno. All the times he'd taken you both to Coney Island in the summer when you were younger. The year Pokemon Go came out he took the both of you driving around in his car so you and Jeno could catch as many Pokemon as you could. 

He’d formally adopted you when you were thirteen. You were his daughter in nearly every sense of the word, regardless of blood. And now he was dead, because of a stupid mistake that Jeno had made.

What would you say if you knew? He didn’t want to know. Checking the time on his phone, he saw he’d gotten a message from you just three minutes ago.

[8:36 PM]

y/n: lemme know when ur outside!! :)

“Fuck,” He murmured, wiping his eyes. He knew he needed to stop crying before he got to your house, and he had about ten minutes before he got to his stop, and then another five minute walk to the neighborhood. He focused on taking deep breaths and taking long swigs from his water bottle in the meantime, trying to tune out the sound of other people talking and the sound of the train on the rails.

The walk was the longest five minute walk he’d ever taken. The flashing lights of convenience stores did nothing to calm him down. As the stores in his peripheral vision began transitioning into suburban homes, he felt his heart speed up again. The constant movement as he walked meant he missed his phone vibrating in his backpack as you rang his number.

After what seemed like an eternity, two familiar houses came into his line of vision, and his shoulders slumped as he spotted you on your porch, looking small and teary, curled up into a little ball. In one hand, you were clutching your phone.

His stomach twisted as he put on a confused tone, even though he knew damn well that you knew. “...Y/N?”

You stood up, running to him and burying yourself into his chest, crumpling into his arms. You would have fell over if Jeno hadn’t held both of you up. 

“Jeno,” You sobbed, “You’re n-not go-onna believe it.”

He brought a hand up to caress your hair, holding back tears of his own as he asked a question he already knew the answer to.

“Y/N, what happened?”

taglist: @decembermoonskz @itsapapisongo @lenaluvs​ @crescentjen​

[kibumkim]

(1/2) hey Adrian can I rant? nothing deep but I need to talk to someone who hasn’t got brain rot? it’s going to be a little long, sorry for that 😅 to preface: Indian here. now we all know about the bar being low for decent Korean idols. I wanna talk about fans of colour who accept (gratefully) racist bullshit. there is a show called fluttering India (2015) where 6 kpop idols came to India. 2 of them were shinee’s minho and exo’s suho. Here’s what happened during the show. 1. kpop fans protested that their pure baby idols shouldn’t go to dirty and scary india where they can get Ebola. 2. the PD gave the wrong schedule to the fans so they wouldn’t greet them at the airport. 3. Some fans still figured out the right time and waited for 12 hours at the airport. When the idols came, not one fan was allowed to greet them. They were threatened that if they did - the show would not be shot. 4. one guy came with a lot of kimchi because what is Indian food if not unhealthy and dirty. 5. One guy from the kr embassy assisted them to their hotel and one guy used the washroom and needed help from the embassy guy in finding the flush. Because we use manual flushes here. 6. They went to the slums! and Kyu Hoon (super junior) says “Now this is the real india!”. I think it was this show (can’t remember) where one of the guys got spoons because he thought that there will not be one place in the country where he’ll find a spoon. ya know, since we eat with our hands 🙃 8. they were at the Delhi gate when one middle-aged guy approached them to take a pic of him and his wife. comments section? “Omg I’m so embarrassed no one recognised them”, “I’m so glad they took the photo gratefully” like were they supposed to throw a tantrum? the entire comments section was filled with “such a great show! I’m embarrassed that no one recognised them! They should come to India now because every Indian knows their name” like bro did you not see the racism?

(2/2) when you search india Korea on YouTube, you get “do Korean guys like Indian women”, “what do Korean guys think about Indian women”, “reacting to Indian women - women in scantily laid clothes dancing in Bollywood and then calling it Indian culture 😎”, how do the girls react? “So proud they like our culture😌😌”, “I wish to date a guy like you” If they find a video on an Indian girl dating a Korean guy - “omg how did you do it? Will they like me - I’m dark skinned” like omg where’s your self-respect, when did self-worth become synonymous with being liked by guys from another country? It physically pains my heart to see young Indian girls (and black girls and girls from every community of colour) just letting themselves and their culture be disrespected. they are basing their self worth off idols who can’t give a shit and this is going to do so much long term damage to them. I’m so tired of seeing these idols and the entire industry actually disrespect every culture on the map and every single person is always supposed to assume that that not a single person in the entire industry has no clue on any culture but in the same length, all of us are supposed to tolerate every single bullshit thrown our way, liking a group and then wondering if the people in this group view our community as human beings. and then finding out that they don’t! And then having to listen from everyone and even people in your own community to not take it seriously. at this point, I plan on deleting every single kpop song from my library and forget all of this like I’m tired. Sorry for putting this on you. I don’t expect you to write an essay, I just really need to vent to someone who isn’t all about forgiving idols for their “mistakes” which at this point is my entire friend group.

Theres a lot here and I absolutely agree with everything thing you said this may be multiple rbs just to give a full scope of what i think about it so bear with me. But honestly a lot of these girls have internalized self hatred at this point like i knew girls irl that would say stuff like that like they would obsess over what men from other countries who had either no interest in them or didnt even know they existed and that was always wild to me? Like why do that to yourself? I understand liking a celebrity that happens to be a certain race/ethnicity but some of these people are obsessed with these men BECAUSE theyre that race and thats very different and dangerous imo!

Now onto the them actually…protesting them going to india..thats a WHOLE lot like jesus how racist do you have to be to even do some shit like that like i cant even wrap my head around that my god. Also like “im so embarrassed no one recognized them” that shit would happen in America too why even just say that about India specifically? Do they think every other country also knows these idols? And thats not even me down playing their fame a lot of people genuinely just dont pay attention to kpop so they don’t know them.

But yeah we definitely need to address the self hate that so many brown and black people have where they just like u said let themselves and their cultures get disrespected this was a good ask and im sorry that it took me a bit to respond to it!

[2idiots]

Just my drunk Saturday thoughts but the tumblr-verse needs more Ateez content. For some reason atiny on here only write really hard and really problematic 🙄 But also anything you write will be perfect 💗

Um drunk Saturday thoughts are fueling this (even though I'm sober by the time I posted). So I'll mostly write for Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Yunho since they don't make me feel super old.

Also 🥺🥺🥺🥺 um my heart is melting. I have a serious case of imposter syndrome and that is so so nice of you to say about my writing 🥺🥺🥺🥺.

Yunho x solo traveler!reader

You're lost, completely and utterly lost

How you got on this corner is beyond you but now there was a pizzeria to your right and a convience store to your left and you have never seen either

A map in one hand and google maps in the other, you're really trying to figure this out without any tears

When did traveling become this confusing and when did google maps start messing up your path this much???

"Are you ok?"

The english was broken but the concern was present

The boy next to you was wearing a mask that covered the lower half of his face but you could see more than enough and he was cute, his brown puppy dog eyes warm and inviting

"Ummm yeah I'm good," it was you're attempt at being smooth but really you were stumbling over your words and regretting not listening more to your korean language podcasts

Then you're spewing your mistake a million miles a minute "actually no i have no idea where I'm going and my hostel is I dont know where and also this city is so big and there are so many people and not enough space. and I haven't slept in 3 days because the dude in my hostel is a snorer hard-core and also i thought it would be easier to travel alone but now I'm alone in a city that I can't even understand the alphabet for and..."

Poor boy looked so confused and that's understandable with your anxiety ridden speed speaking

But like do you want him to know what you said? No. Is that part of the reason you spoke so fast? Probably.

He doesn't seem scared of you, just really confused but he still grabs your map and asks "where?"

This time you just go with it? At this point you're never gonna find your way back on your own so if this is his way to get you to a secondary location... well you're gonna die anyway so 🤷‍♀️ well

Only he insists on walking you all the way to your hostel and by walking that means walking and taking the subway then letting you go at the correct stop

(Yes you're very far away)

And for some reason you say yes??? He's not as creepy as the guy drinking and peeing in the trash bin two streets over who offered to help

And you two talk? Though it is slow: you trying korean, him trying english but for some reason it's the best conversation you've ever had and it ends with you giving him your contact info

So you message him the next day and he takes you to all his favorite places around seoul

You're seeing and eating some of the best food and listening to him talk to the waiter and the attendants everywhere you went

You realize he's famous when you see a picture of him and the rest of the group on your second "see seoul trip" and his ears turn red and suddenly he's apologizing (but he's speaking so fast you can't figure out what for)

Otherwise the apology may be the one thing you 100% recognize from Korean Duolingo

Overall you're in Korea for month after that, just out of college and you choose to explore the world before being forced into the everyday grind... well you spend almost everyday with him even though sometimes it's at the most random of times

Like 2am when his practice is over but the chicken place is still open and he is asking you what you explored today and telling you about his dancing

Or 6am when he is waking up and taking you to his favorite breakfast place and helping map out your day

Or 30 mins at noon and he's staring at you shovel your food in instead of shoveling his own lunch in. You have to yell at him to hurry and eat so he can get back to practice

One time it's in the middle of the day at a quicm lunch and he asks you how your country twerks and you just straight up laugh at him (like maybe you can twerk or maybe you can't but you don't need him to know how to do it...)

Also your korean is getting way better and his english is significantly improving (so much so that his band members are actively noticing he is speaking better on vlives? and disappearing at every break???)

Three of them confront him about it and let's be real this boy can't lie so he spills every detail about you: from the way the light catches your eye when you're talking about your passions to the eager glint when you are trying your best to remember a word for your story

They tell him to be careful because you're not sticking around the city and they don't know how fans will react.

They don't want see his heart broken. But also it's nice to see him so happy

You didn't kiss until the last day you spent together, actually the last few minutes

He came to the airport (though you told him multiple times he didn't have to because of press and what not) but he moved his schedule (and everyone else's) to see you off

It was the worst goodbye you've ever experienced, like leaving college and your safe net was one thing, leaving your mom to flying half way across the world was another, but not knowing if you would see the guy you'd spent the last month with hit so deep you couldn't quite comprehend

At least you'd see your friends again and your parent, but him? He was famous and also from a different continent what are the chances it would ever be like this again? Probably zero.

So that kiss hurt so much but you meet like two dying men deprived of water and when you broke apart (his mask around his chin) he promised to come visit if you promised to come back

And of course you did, promise, though you didn't tell him spending another month abroad probably wasn't gonna work but maybe a few days at least

Then you're giving one last kiss and thinking of what it could be, living in your last moments before you hope on a plane home

Please send me au requests people! 💓

[starmakerdotcom]

summary : solar congratulate botanica for debuting and welcome them to the dorm building by throwing a party for them.

characters : all of solar + botanica ensemble

genre : comedy / fluff

warnings : swearing , they literally just make fun of each other the whole time . but mostly it’s just a lighthearted piece . it’s also the most chaotic piece i’ve written . oh my god they’re so annoying i hate them so much they’re just kids whose internet should be taken away . it’s also all over the place so if it’s hard to follow lmk

words : 3.4k

[ july 2019, 3:58 pm, botanica dorms ]

“do you think this is too much? they’re just moving in.”

“of course not!”

the party planning committee- which consisted of yongmi, elizabeth, and hyesoo- stood back and admired their work with the other five members behind them. the three of them did surprisingly decent with the small amount of space in the dorm’s living room and kitchen area and the probably under $30 budget they’d pooled from all their pockets and wallets. multicoloured streamers hung from multiple points on the wall and ceiling, bowls with assorted flavours of chips were placed artfully on the coffee table, and a big banner hung above the door that was obviously originally one of those “happy birthday!” banners, but the birthday part had been covered up and now said “happy debut!” because it was no one’s birthday. at least forty balloons were strewn out across the floor- which yongmi almost busted a lung trying to blow them all up- they were gonna get more helium ones but because of their tight budget they’d only managed six. which was fine, six balloons for six boys, right?

“it looks like an eight year old’s birthday party,” minjung said.

“hey! we had thirty dollars, i’d like to see you do better with that,” hyesoo replied, shooting her a glare, which minjung shrugged in response to.

“are they coming soon?” honghui asked, which yongmi responded to not with words but with an expression that clearly stated she didn’t know. meanwhile elizabeth was occupied with her phone seemingly texting someone.

[ new message from : DONT ANSWER//kim sangWHORE ]

[ DONT ANSWER//kim sangWHORE : are we allowed to come up yet ]

after quickly typing out a response, elizabeth announced, “they’re on their way up!”

“quick! hide!“ hyesoo exclaimed, frantically searching the room for a hiding space.

“it’s- it’s not one of those parties,” yongmi replied quietly while hyesoo spotted a nice hiding spot behind an armchair, completely ignoring yongmi’s words.

while elizabeth adjusted the chip bowls and pop bottles on the table for the twelfth time in the last ten minutes, the door opened slightly to reveal baekhan cautiously peeking in.

“are we- is this good can we come in now? are we good?”

elizabeth gave a thumbs-up in his direction, “all set! MINJUNG! get the door!”

minjung sighed, “i should be the one bossing you around,” but despite her comment, she complied and got the door for the six boys.

“so... we did the best we could, we had a tight budget,” yongmi explained as the boys made their way inside, completely ignoring or just not noticing hyesoo jumping out from behind the armchair and yelling “surprise!”.

“kinda reminds me of a little kid’s birthday party,” elliot laughed as tian dashed past him in a beeline for the chip table.

“that’s what i said!” minjung exclaimed.

“elliot! don’t be rude!” baekhan hissed, swatting him in the side of the arm, but not enough to hurt him, even though baekhan was the leader, elliot was tall and strong enough to punt him across the room if he so wanted. and baekhan wanted to set a good example and not make his group look like a dysfunctional mess in front of their seniors.

“i think it’s nice,” jaeyi said, “thanks for doing this, there was really no need.”

“i know,” beth shrugged, “just felt like throwing a party, y’know?”

jaeyi suddenly looked down as he felt someone poking his stomach, and there stood hyesoo, the one poking him, looking up at him with an expression that was a sort of weird mix of amazement, jealousy, and confusion.

“hey you!” she called out with wide eyes, “why are you so tall?” hyesoo was short on a normal day, but her 5’0 figure compared to his 6’2 absolutely dwarfed her, and jaeyi had to keep it together and try not to laugh at the tiny girl in front of him.

“oh my god hyesoo! at least use formalities or something!” minjung snapped at hyesoo, who turned around and looked at her with an innocent expression, then promptly turned back to jaeyi.

“would you rather me call you oppa?”

jaeyi shook his head, “not really, no.”

“good! me neither! i’m gonna go talk to someone else now, talking to you makes my neck hurt.”

jaeyi nodded awkwardly as hyesoo skipped away to the chip bowl, and elizabeth clapped her hands together loudly.

“isn’t it time to actually get this party started?” she announced, only earning a few scattered “heck yeah!”’s but continuing anyway.

“come on! let’s go!!”

“so, min, i have a question,” baekhan sat on the couch with his hands clasped together underneath his chin, and minjung sat next to him with her legs crossed, listening intently. “how do you do it? honestly, how do you cope with being the leader, i want some advice.”

“let me let you in on a little secret,” minjung said, and baekhan leaned in closer, “i don’t.”

“no way!” he jumped back in surprise, “same!” minjung laughed and soon, baekhan followed.

across the room, standing next to the chip table, elizabeth and jaeyi had started talking.

“soooo, how do you feel about debuting?” elizabeth asked in a light, giggly voice, twirling a strand of hair around her index finger.

“it’s... a lot, but i think i’ll get used to it,” jaeyi answered, completely oblivious to elizabeth’s cheesy early 2000s disney channel romcom style flirting attempts.

“how old are you, anyway? you don’t look that much older than me,” she asked, batting her eyelashes.

“i’m- uh- 21,” he answered simply, “why?”

“just wondering,” elizabeth replied, “i just turned 18, so you aren’t that much older than me-“

she was suddenly interrupted by elliot coming up behind jaeyi and exclaiming a little too loudly, “jae, man! there’s this really cool... pop bottle that i need to show you real quick,” he clapped a hand on the taller boy’s shoulder and leaned into his ear to whisper, “i’m saving you, man.”

“i can hear you!” elizabeth huffed, crossing her arms across her chest.

“yeah, stop flirting with my bro, it’s fuckin’ weird, man,” elliot responded in english- albeit not proper english, obviously, but being raised in america such as the former, elizabeth understood no problem.

“what makes you think i’m flirting with your bro?” elizabeth said.

“maybe the whole- oh my god, hi jaeyi! how are you? how old are you? just making sure i’ll be able to get in your pants without you catching a case!” elliot mimicked in a high voice, complete with the hair twirling and eyelash batting.

elizabeth rolled her eyes.

“just watch it, okay?” elliot said, and began walking away only to immediately bump into minjae after a few steps of obviously not watching where he was going.

“oh shit sorry,” he said quickly, still speaking english.

minjae looked up at him, not exactly understanding what he said so instead he simply replied, “hi.”

“hi,” elliot echoed, “mj, right?”

minjae nodded, “i like...” he reached up and touched his hair as he tried to find the correct word in english, a language he was in no means fluent in, “...your hair.”

elliot chuckled, “thanks,” and in realizing the other didn’t speak english well, he said, “you know i can speak korean, right?”

“oh! yeah, okay, that’s better,” minjae said with pink cheeks, obviously much more comfortable now speaking in his native tongue. “elliot, right?”

elliot nodded, “i’m fine with whatever, elliot, eli, hanryeol is my korean name if that makes it any easier for you.”

minjae nodded, “hanryeol... i like that. but what if i call you... yeollie?”

he’d never admit it out loud, obviously, but minjae’s little gesture of giving elliot a cute nickname sent his heart up into his throat and painted his face a bright shade of red. so instead he chuckled again and covered it up with a little nonchalant “...cute.”

“isn’t it? and i came up with it on the spot too.”

minjae was just as adorable as the nickname he’d given elliot. when he smiled or spoke, his eyes lit up like he was admiring a star filled sky, and without thinking, elliot blurted, “almost as cute as you.”

he didn’t really think about what he had said until he saw minjae’s smile drop and his face go red, regret set in immediately. “oh god- not like that-!”

“weren’t you just telling off that other girl for flirting with jaeyi? and now look at you two!” a voice behind elliot called causing him fly around, bringing a hand to his chest so his heart didn’t bust out of his throat for the second time in the last minute. when he saw sangwoo standing behind him with a shit-eating grin, he quickly raised a fist like he was getting ready to punch him, and sangwoo retreated.

minjae rolled his eyes at sangwoo, and surprised at his reaction, elliot asked, “you two know each other?”

he nodded, “we were on a dance team together a few years ago, we’ve never really gotten along. i mean, no offence or anything if you like him.”

elliot shrugged, “nah i get it, he’s a bit of a bitch sometimes.”

“i am literally right here,” sangwoo said, laying a hand over his chest like he was offended, even though he knew full well that he was indeed a bit of a bitch sometimes.

elliot scoffed, “get lost.”

when sangwoo eventually left to go annoy someone else, minjae leaned in closer to elliot’s ear and whispered, “i don’t actually hate him, he’s just annoying and he gets on my nerves sometimes. i don’t have the balls to say i hate someone.”

“it’s all cool,” elliot laughed. “anyways i should probably- go over- there,” he jabbed a thumb somewhere behind him.

“no- yeah- you go do that i’ll- see you around,” minjae replied just as awkwardly, and the two split up and went in separate directions.

elliot ended up at one of the snack tables next to daniel and tian, the latter busy with a bowl of chips and the former watching elliot fumble for a plastic cup and a pop bottle with a slightly exasperated look. daniel took one look at his flushed face and knew exactly what was going on.

“simp,” he snorted.

“i’ll fucking hit you,” elliot threatened, not taking his eyes off the cup he was pouring for himself, but it was all too evident that his cheeks were burning a brighter shade of red than they had been before.

“no, i get it, cute little guy, isn’t he?”

“stop trying to fit in, hetero,” elliot said in a sweet but condescending voice, looking up to meet his eye and taking a sip of his drink.

“YO!” they were suddenly interrupted by a voice, and when they looked over to see the source of the voice, hyesoo was standing on top of the kitchen counter with one of those cheap plastic megaphones. “WHO THE FUCK WANTS CAKE?!”

there were a couple scattered cheers, followed by a “HYESOO! get down from there you’re gonna hurt yourself!” from minjung.

“they bought cake? damn, they really went all out,” daniel commented, but elliot wasn’t listening, he was already walking over to where the party planning committee was bringing out a big store bought cake with icing flower decorations and the words “HAPPY DEBUT” written across it in pink icing.

“i think... peach should cut the cake!” yongmi said, “he’s the leader, he should get to do the honours.”

baekhan shot up at the mention of his stage name, and immediately his cheeks went pink and he mumbled out a quick, “ah, no... i’m not good at cutting cake,” in response.

“nonsense!” yongmi exclaimed, “how bad can you be? get over here?”

baekhan reluctantly moved up to the front, where they had the cake set up on the table. and to his (and the rest of his group’s) surprise, he didn’t mess up too bad, and the party planning committee cheering him on didn’t seem to help much.

“you guys really went all out on the eight year old’s birthday party theme huh?” elliot commented, “here- i’ll help hand it out.”

“so have you talked to anyone else yet?” honghui asked tian, who sat next to him with a mouthful of cake.

“not from my group? yeah, i talked to the girls over there that put this all together, they seem nice enough,” tian explained, “i mean- obviously i’d like to get to know you guys better, we’re gonna know each other for a while i’m assuming.”

honghui laughed, “yeah, once you get to know them you might not like them as much. they’re kind of annoying sometimes, but i love them.”

“trust me, i know annoying,” tian replied, “have you talked to eli or clover yet? then you’ll know annoying..”

“i know sangwoo,” honghui said, “i used to-“

jihoon sat down next to him with a piece of cake, cutting him off with a loud, “WHEW!” minjae sat down too, but not as loudly. “so anyways,” jihoon said as he shovelled a forkful of cake into his mouth, “what’s up?”

“tian and i grew up in the same city, isn’t that neat?” honghui said excitedly.

“big city,” jihoon replied simply while shovelling more cake into his mouth.

“talk to anyone else?” minjae asked.

“yeah! peach and jaeyi,” honghui explained, “they both seem like super genuine people, you can tell baekhan is really good at being a leader. jaeyi reminds me of myself in some ways.”

“ah, a simp? and a pussy?” jihoon said.

“a- a what? i don’t know english slang, jihoon-“ honghui replied, furrowing his eyebrows, “but anyways, they’re both super nice.”

“i’ve talked to... yeollie and sangwoo a bit,” minjae said, trying not to roll his eyes at his own mention of the latter’s name.

“...yeollie?” minjae’s eyes widened when he realized honghui’s confusion, and he quickly corrected himself.

“i- i meant eli!”

“you’re already giving each other nicknames?” jihoon exclaimed, tian snickered beside him as he got up to go get more cake.

“well- i mean- i just did that to make his name easier to remember,” minjae mumbled, shoving a large piece of cake into his mouth to try and distract from the flush creeping up his face. he then immediately started choking on said piece of cake.

“MINJAE?! oh god, oh fuck-“ jihoon exclaimed in a panic. he seized minjae around the shoulders and started yelling at him, “ARE YOU CHOKING?! ARE YOU CHOKING?!”

“he can’t respond if he’s choking, dumbass!” honghui yelled back at him, “stand up and put you hands up! i heard that helps somewhere.”

around this time is when tian came back, a plate with two more slices of cake in his hands, and immediately froze. minjae stared at him with his hands in the air, looking like he was silently pleading for help.

“do you think i should- should i go and get someone, or something?” tian said.

“NOPE! we got this!” jihoon exclaimed as he hit minjae on the back, “i took a first aid course with boy scouts when i was in fourth grade, i don’t need help!”

honghui sighed, rubbing his temples, “they’re gonna need help.”

but just as soon as tian was about to get up and call for someone, minjae managed to yell out “i’m good!” and sat back down again. jihoon patted himself on the back.

as he sat down, minjae pulled something out of his mouth, “oh! that’s probably what-“ but then he stopped when he was it was a small slip of paper. he could make out a phone number quickly jotted down in purple ink, as well as a short message below it.

call me

- yeollie

“so that’s why he offered to help with the cake...” tian glanced over to the cake table where elliot was standing with a bright red face. he saw tian staring in his direction and immediately looked away. “what a dumbass!” tian exclaimed, “does he not realize that he could’ve just asked for your number?”

“the mind of a teenage boy works in strange ways,” honghui replied.

“word,” jihoon added.

“i mean... if he wanted to be my friend he could’ve just asked,” minjae said, to which tian laughed loudly.

“this is elliot we’re talking about?” he said, “if he just wanted to be your friend he wouldn’t go through all that. he thinks you’re cute, mj.”

“ooh shit!” jihoon exclaimed as minjae sat there, red faced and staring at his hands.

“YO! LOOK OVER HERE!” they heard hyesoo yell once again, and they looked over to see her standing on the counter with her cheap megaphone. “I NEED ALL THE BOYS OVER HERE. THE NEW BOYS. DON’T CARE ABOUT MY THREE. GATHER ‘ROUND THE PARTY PLANNING COMMITTEE.”

tian looked over to hyesoo, confused, but reluctantly got up and made his way over, but not before telling the other three at the table to not touch his cake. jihoon stole a bite as soon as he turned around anyways.

“so, since we’re gonna wrap up the party soon because we don’t wanna be here too late, we’ll give this to you now. we have a present for you!” hyesoo explained, now sitting on the counter with her legs swinging in front of her, “it’s handmade because we’re great artists if i do say so myself, and we put a lot of time and emotion into it.”

yongmi pulled a medium sized canvas from behind her back. on said canvas was what appeared to be- when baekhan leaned forward slightly to get a better look- a macaroni portrait of the six of them. surprisingly well detailed for an art piece literally made out of noodles, who knew.

sangwoo was the first to speak, like usual, “that’s-“

“i know,” elizabeth cut him off, “we were on a budget, we could only get the cheap macaroni.”

“no, it’s not that,” sangwoo continued, “why macaroni?”

“it’s the best for art pieces,” hyesoo replied confidently.

“i think it’s cute-“ daniel said quickly before sangwoo began to speak once again.

he sighed, “no i mean- why macaroni and not, like, actual paint or something?”

“feels more personal this way,” hyesoo said, sticking her nose up in the air, “and if you have a problem with it then i guess we’ll keep it.”

baekhan lightly shoved sangwoo back so he wasn’t at the front to say something possibly rude without realizing. “i’ll take it- thank you guys, i can see all the effort you put into this.”

“where the fuck are we gonna put it?” sangwoo called from over baekhan’s shoulder, who cringed internally and desperately hoped he wouldn’t say anything else that could leave a sour taste in the mouths of the other three girls. who very obviously put in the effort they could into this party and the gift with the budget they had.

baekhan sighed, knowing he had a lot more to do to try and humble sangwoo. “i’ll take the macaroni thingy.”

jaeyi looked to sangwoo, sensing baekhan’s frustration just a little bit. “what’s the big deal? i think it’s really cute. and considerate, they already threw a party for us and gave us a present.”

“this guy gets it!” elizabeth exclaimed, throwing her arm up to gesture in his direction.

“i mean- we would’ve gotten something more extravagant if we had a larger budget,” yongmi said carefully, “but anyways- since we’ve basically done everything we were planning on doing should we start to clean up? we don’t wanna be in the way of you guys settling in here.”

while the party planning committee were talking, tian was tugging on baekhan’s sleeve trying to get his attention. when the shorter male turned to him, he asked, “can we order something? maybe pizza? we didn’t eat dinner.”

“what are you talking about- i just saw you eat three slices of cake,” baekhan whisper-yelled back.

“that wasn’t dinner,” tian replied simply, “you should know that everyone has a dinner stomach and a dessert stomach.”

baekhan sighed once more, knowing arguing with tian was essentially pointless. “does anyone want pizza?” he asked loudly, “you guys can stay for some if you want.”

yongmi slowly looked around the room, waiting for someone to respond before her. hyesoo and elizabeth looked like they wanted to say yes, honghui, jihoon, and minjae were sitting in the same spot as before, looking like they didn’t even hear, and minjung and yeonwoo sat on the couch, yeonwoo staring at them in anticipation and minjung looking confused, probably didn’t hear either.

“i’m down for pizza,” yeonwoo finally said, followed by a jumbled mix of agreements from the rest of the people in the room.

“alright!” elizabeth exclaimed, “change of plans, the party isn’t over yet!”

“what are you talking about? the party never ends when we’re here,” daniel said, playfully winking. the rest of botanica groaned in unison as baekhan dialled the number for a nearby pizza place.

[oikaw-ugh]

HIIII BABYYY im feelin real soft for my 2d men rn so can i please request some fluffy hcs with them? ;-; you already know who i love LOL SO any one of them will be fine ^^ OR IF YOU WANNA MATCH ME UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE IM DOWN TOO HEHEHE gorl i just need some soft shtuff with one of mi bois dfhdhdhd idek whether this falls under match ups or requests LOL IF ITS TOO TROUBLESOME DONT DO IT KJFSKFSK but ty for everything bb i love you <333

HALLO SOPHHH I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONGGGG I hope u forgive me 😌

I ship you with...

M e ✨

Kidding. I ship you withhh

Kenma Kozume (´ε｀ )

Mainly because he's as reserved as Akaashi? Was supposed to stick with Akaashi but figured Kenma sounds more fitting for me now!

Also, college!AU

Hmmmm

You met because of Kuroo. Or Lev. Yup. Definitely either of the two.

Most probably you are groupmates with the giants? And You just click with them?

ESPECIALLY LEVVVV! I feel like you two would immediately click! The energy you two have? Yes.

Anyways! Kuroo and Lev are so fond of you they just ✨ can't ✨ stop ✨ their ✨mouth ✨ from shutting up.

THIS IS WHERE KENMA GOES IN!

Kenma: Who is this Sophia?

And like, Kuroo and Lev just have A LOT of things to say it wears Kenma out LOL

Kenma: Whatever. I'm not interested.

Also Kenma: Did you say she likes anime?

I mean, let's be honest MOST of the time, gamer otakus are anime otakus, too, so 👀

A W K W A R D FRIENDS

When Kenma finally decided to go with you trio's hangout, you got so nervous.

Soph: Do I really have to meet this Kenma?

Kuroo: Don't worry. He's a good guy.

Soph: That's not helping!

Lev: You got us, Sophia-chan!

Soph: yoU'RE THE ONES WHO PLANNED THIS-

ANYWAY! You got no choice. In the end you meet Kenma, and was surprisingly disappointed with how silent he was.

Kuroo: Kenma, this is Sophia. The girl we've been talking about.

You: 👁️👄👁️ Hɪ

Kenma: 👀 ᴴᶦ

That's it.

Kidding! Lev were probably too carefree to notice how awkward you two are.

Kuroo would notice tho but he chose to give you two privacy by pulling Lev somewhere else, leaving you two alone

wHICH IS NOT HELPING! ALEXA IS LITERALLY PLAYING CRICKET SOUNDS ON YOU TWO

You're awkwardly silent, accompanying the other. You know, checking your screen, acting as if you're busy talking to someone when you're actually not-

Kenma: Is that BNHA?

👁️👄👁️

You stare at Kenma, your eyes wide and a grin on your face.

You: YOU WATCH THIS TOO?!

Kenma and Sophia knew at that day, a friendship is born ✨

Kenma is pretty lowkey.

So when he realized that he likes you, he's like "Okay. Cool."

But Kuroo, the kind man that he is, disagrees with this so he devices: a plan >=]]]]

It's not as grand as it sounds. It's literally just him and Lev letting the two of you be alone most of the time. Kenma hates it though.

Mainly because I think he has no intention of telling you? And is highkey contented with just watching you from afar?

The previous bullet is btw based on my fic of him right here

Don't get me wrong, he's not nervous or afraid of your reaction. He just wants to be by your side be it only as a friend.

Kuroo just scoffs whenever Kenma told him that. He calls rubbish.

Kuroo: Let's see if you can settle with only that the moment Soph meets someone else.

And as if you're living the Y/N life, LOLLLLL SOMEONE ACTUALLY SHOWED INTEREST ON YOU OUT OF THE BLUE.

Which upsets Kenma. He thought he was cool with it, I guess he isn't.

And remember how he was just chill with his feelings for you?

WELLLLL GUESS WHATTTT! HE'S NOW SO ANXIOUS. He couldn't stop thinking of the thought that you're dating and he's actually reconsidering the thought of confessing?

Which he would immediately brush away as it would make him feel flustered.

But in the end, I see Kenma confessing out of the blue, most probably in a situation where he thinks would raise his chances on you.

You when Kenma suddenly stopped walking beside you: Kenma?

Kenma: Soph, I like you.

I know for a fact that you're lowkey introverted BB

BUT I THINK KENMA SOMEHOW UNLEASHES THE EXTROVERTEDNESS IN YOU

Like, you love cuddles, laughing, expressing yourself so much whenever you are with Kenma.

It's like he's a safe place for you to show who you are, you know?

And Kenma would just stare at you with a tiny grin, happy that you're happy as well.

Sleepovers are a thing! When you ask him to come over, there's a 50% chance that you need his help bc exams are coming/your homework is so ugly your brain cannot seem to answer it.

When it's at his place, usually because he's with Kuroo or because he just...wanna see you.

Like??? Do you need a reason to see your girlfriend?

He's a small time YouTuber, too!

Though they haven't seen you yet bc Kenma blocks your face. He always told you it was for your privacy but hmmmm

And his fans love you!

You: it's probably because you don't want them to take me away from you (a joke)

Kenma: *stares at you for 10 seconds before resuming to what he's doing*

You: 👁️👄👁️ Wait, it's true?

Dates are mostly in archades.

Like, you just love games so much? ,

THAT ORRRR you just wanna flaunt your gamer boyfriend HSJSJSJSJSJ

Matching outfits are a thing, too! I think you two plan your outfits before going on your dates.

Awwww imagine like, you two wearing Korean clothes aesthetics? :"))))

As for food, you are ADVENTUROUS! You've always told Kenma about different cuisines that you would like to try someday.

And that someday is AT THE MOMENT Kenma looks for local stores who sell food from the cuisines you just mentioned.

Road trips are a thing, too! I can see Kenma steering the wheel with an exhausted face (bc he's lazy) while you sat beside him singing along the radio.

Or if you both don't have a vehicle or smthng. I see you two planning to go to random places together!

Kenma lowkey doesn't want to, tbh. Packing, hiking, and all are a hassle. But how could he resist you?

Fights? Hmmmm I say rare

Because I think you're a very very understanding person.

While Kenma doesn't react in a rush? He calculates and analyzes the situation.

Like??? Have you seen him??? At court???

But I think fights happen because Kenma can be very unresponsive sometimes?

You just want him to be a little more this, a little more that.

But he's like, "Okay." But never does it anyway.

When in a fight, you try to prove your point but his lack of interest and response irritates you more.

So fights are silent! Kenma is a silent person from the start but somehow...his silence during fights are...dark?

Like, one glance, Kuroo can sense that you two had a fight.

Lev wouldn't though lmao that small bean.

You try to act normal though! But when you need to talk to Kenma, you immediately switch to 😶

HAHAHAHAHA cutie

You two make Kuroo's bed hair get fixed :v

But anyhow! I see a lot of Kuroo intervention whenever you two fight. Like, he'd purposely ask the group to go somewhere and stuff and u both agree just because.

I mean...admit it, life without each other sucks 🥺 so both of you lowkey agrees with Kuroo because u both know he's purposely doing this to let you two make up.

I see like, you two just...slowly...reaching out for each other HAHAHAHA

Like

Kenma: *lets his hand slip to yours*

You: *hold on his hand, too*

Then you both look at each other and before you knew it, you two are okay again!

I HOPE YOU LIKE IT, SOPHHHH HEHEHEHEH

[fmdjoosungarchive]

location: tokyo, studios

date: april & september 2019. march, september, & october 2020

word count: 1753

tldr; verification for sung’s song tokyo. partial lyrics, full comp & prod. the song starts in tokyo, when sung is missing his boyfriend. it evolves over time to be like a diary piece and since it serves as the first ‘chapter’ in his album, it’s also kinda like an intro where it talks through/foreshadows what will be in the rest of the album. sung’s affinity for natural sounds continues, as well as inspiration from @fmdxsuji’s song arari on the composition. again pls dont come for me if it isn’t a gayageum it Sounds like one (in the equivalent of white ppl playing the ukulele but still)

not all songs needed to be about one thing. tokyo, for instance, happened to be about ten different things at once.

it’d started in tokyo. element had a tour stop in the city, and sung wasn’t feeling as chipper as he’d have liked. he loved performing with everything in his being, but-- he still rested his head against the window, watching buildings and people pass by in blurs, no other care for conversation.

sung couldn’t quite make sense of what had caused such a mood in him on the plane from seoul. he supposed, part of it was that he missed daisuke. his boyfriend wasn’t from tokyo, far from it actually, which over time seemed to have made daisuke feel a bit bitter towards tokyo. it wasn’t close enough for his family to visit, which meant seeing them even less often than he would have through touring. sung understood that. he doesn’t like being so far away from his parents the few weeks at a time that element go on tour. years sounded impossible.

but, tokyo still reminded him of daisuke. being greeted at the gate, and hearing chit chat all around him in japanese, sat an ache in his heart. after all, coming to know daisuke over the last four years was the reason he’d come to be better at japanese. passing on by, he could understand most of what was being said, and that was all daisuke’s impact. most every sign he saw reminded him of his boyfriend, the food that he ate reminded him of what wasn’t with him.

maybe, he was just sad in general. that happened to sung, sometimes. he couldn’t pinpoint an exact cause of sadness, and was just sad. underlying issues he hadn’t dealt with could be the reason that happened, but it could also simply be his brain chemistry acting up.

that was his trouble; sung didn’t know. all that he could do was sit in his feelings until they lessened. he took a walk by himself before the concert, telling his manager he can ask for directions if he happens to get lost. that time alone was really needed. he called daisuke, but it seemed the man was busy, as he went to voicemail.

“hi, honey. um, i made it into town safely. it’s- it’s kind of loud here, this might have been the wrong time to call, but, um, i just wanted to check in. maybe see your face.” he’d stopped his path, leaning up against a building to look at the sky. “i miss you already. it’s hard being surrounded by so much that reminds me of you, when i don’t have... you.” his sigh probably sounded tinny over the phone. “anyway, um, call me when you have time, please. i love you!”

sung stayed in that spot for a while, long enough that he decided to record a video of the bustling landscape around him. as he started walking again, he caught all kinds of sounds, cars, trains, planes, click clacking of heels, even a siren. he ended the video with a short facecam, so he could cut that part of the video to send to daisuke.

over the rest of his time in tokyo, sung kept playing that ten minute video over and over, and over again. something about the ambient, faceless sound of human existence was calming, comforting.

in the shower after the concert, sung kept humming the same note pattern on repeat. at first, it was natural, as his brain kept coming back to it, without his active thought towards it. however, the more he repeated himself, the more sung thought that he should be keeping his melody in his head to record after he got out of the shower. it could be useful for something, at some point, he’d reasoned.

he was right, eventually. in the flurry of trying to write songs for his first solo album, sung had turned back to every piece of unfinished song that he possibly could. one of them was this piece, broken into the sounds of daily tokyo streets, and a short humming melody. it was... workable.

sung crafted a simple piano piece based on the humming, used some of the sound from his tokyo video, and just with those two things, it was a basis to write off of. he tried to recall the feeling of that day, by watching the full video of the street a few times over. getting back to that day wasn’t as hard as he thought. papers, then his computer, were dotted in with sing-rap lines about missing someone.

only partially through mixing that vocal line in, did sung think he might be wasting his time. the sound was so different from everything else he’d been working on, much too simply and abstract. and so, the playlist of tokyo was shelved again.

with march came the end of his second solo promotions, and in came the desire to write more music. it was then he came back to toyko, to fiddle around. sung wasn’t sure what he wanted from the song, or if he wanted anything at all, which took some of the pressure off in continuing to write. he made it much more complicated, at first, adding a plethora of digital instruments that he figured he could add in live later, should he so choose. in the end, basically none of that made it into the final cut. the negative of doing whatever he pleased, was that for the most part, he’d lost the point, and feeling, of the song.

what did stay, was something sung came to find integral to the piece. modeled after a recording of his own heartbeat, there was a drum line. deep, guttural, mixed into the piece as if it was still stuck in someone’s chest, and your ear was against it, straining to hear what was pounding into you without any effort on its part.

the song had started to be about life, and those held dear, which was a perfect place to use something that sounded like the foundation of life.

stumbling across the song for the last time was entirely accidental. sung would call it fate. that melody hadn’t crossed his mind in months, but the second he heard it again, it was stuck for weeks. there was nothing he could do to quell the sound in his brain than work on it.

first, he stripped back what wasn’t working, back to the simplistic version he’d started with. after adding on the drums, the world was his oyster. over the next couple of weeks, sung started writing lyrics, mixing where he was at back in tokyo, with his feelings of self. he wondered, if maybe part of his sadness, that day, was in missing himself, too. being in that sad area wasn’t what sung liked to consider part of him. it was something that happened to him, that he dealt with decently regularly.

lyrics took the majority of his time, as he mulled over this thoughts of what the song might come to be, if about anything particular at all. the next major composition change was quite quick, though. his interest had been piqued, the first time he heard suji’s demo of arari. sung had yet to attempt using traditional korean instruments in his music. really, the thought hadn’t crossed his mind until that moment, having his heart swayed by the beauty of the danso and suji’s beautiful voice.

he wasn’t very confident, never having trained with traditional instruments before, but there was a first step in everything. he’d gone to his usual music shop as soon as he had time to, to rent a gayageum. and, simple as the piece he wrote was, it didn’t take too much learning for him to get a good recording of it. listening to it again, with that addition, sung felt how much the song benefitted from that small change, and promised himself that he would continue to learn the gayageum, so that he could make something more beautiful to show the world in the future.

sung also made a note to thank suji for the inspiration.

the next change was quite a big one, though it didn’t deal with the composition. towards the end of september, sung thought he might want to go further than he did with moonchild, and have a song completely in english. even more ambitious than before, he knew, but he also had a slight edge of confidence, after having felt the power moonchild ended up bringing.

a creature of habit, sung called up the same songwriter he’d worked with on moonchild, to request help again. he didn’t really want to translate the words he’d already written, thinking that would flow much less smoothly as a full song, but rather, he wanted to take the feelings he’d put into the korean lyrics, and match it with english.

sung tried to take a more active role in writing the lyrics that time, because it was a full song, based on his own experiences and feelings. it worked fine enough, since sung had a decent grasp on understanding english, even if he didn’t think of it easily himself.

he’d insisted they keep one of the english lyrics that was in the original piece. it was a callback to another song he’d written for the album, talking about love and hate. tokyo was a place that held those feelings, from himself and his original inspiration for the song, just like seoul had from himself for the last decade.

getting to where he wanted was harder than it was for moonchild, since they were starting from near zero, from where sung usually started his songs, and because... sung knew he was being more stressful of a writing partner than he was the last time. every word he wasn’t sure of, he asked for in-depth explanations of, wanting each line to express exactly what it was he was going for.

sung couldn’t explain what this song was about, if he was asked, not in a pretty pink bow. the song was about tokyo, and what that city had brought to sung. that ditty, on repeat, with the sounds of scratched pavement underneath. music wasn’t always simple to understand. it could be a feeling.

the last thing sung changed about the song before sending it off in his final tracklist, was a clip of him humming at the end of the song, with that siren in tokyo in the distance.

[authorofdanger]

Miroh 2

Genre: Angst

Skz zombie apocalypse AU

It's very sad and violent in some parts, sorry.

"Balance! Balance is key Shuyang," Jeongin sighed while coming behind the boy and helping him plant his feet. Shuyang looked at him in slight confusion before one of the other young boys translated in chinese. Jeongin was given the difficult task of teaching these boys no older than fifteen and no younger than twelve how to shoot a bow and arrow. Smiling to myself I was beyond proud of Jeongin for not only strengthening his shooting skills but for being able to teach as well.

"Hyung have you not noticed how clumsy he is? I'm surprised we didnt put him in farming with Yeji," Hanyu chuckled as he shot and nearly hit the bullseye. "Stop being mean," Zihao groaned in english. Pulling myself to my feet I took over Jeongin's place behind Shuyang and placed my hands over his. "Slow your breathing," I said in his home language, "it's okay to miss. You are learning so breathe. Now balance and focus on your breathing."

"You know chinese," Jeongin gasped. "And english," I said while looking over at Zihao, "dad moved us around alot since he was a company translator. Does it really shock you? I lived in Taiyuan for five years, Texas for six, and Busan for eight years now. Korean is relatively my newest language."

"Hey I'm from Taiyuan," Xinlong said excitedly. Giving him a wide smile I turned my attention back to Shuyang and whispered for him to release the arrow, watching as his arrow finally landed on the rim of the target. "There you go," I encouraged, "now keep practicing."

As time went on, and corrections decreased, I had decided to leave the boys for a moment to survey the base. It wasn't as broken down as the infected towns but it surely needed repairs. The houses were run down and in a few years probably dilapidated but for now it was livable and somewhat warm. The shops we kept around were always busy with people making food, clothes, weapons, and more. Children were running around the property with no parents to corral them inside, only a few of us teenagers and early adults taking over the parental life.

"Y/N I thought you were with Jeongin," Seungmin asked while running up to me from the pig barn. He was wiping the dirt from his hands with a rag in his pocket and tried to clear his face but with little result. "I thought you were supposed to control the pigs. Looks like it was the other way around." Giving me an off smile he lowered his face and groaned, "younger sow has been testing Jisung and I's patience. It's too hyper to be cooped up in the barn but too lazy to burn energy when in the field and it's hard to catch it when I need it. Somehow it managed to learn to open it's own pen so I had to get Changbin to help me rebuild the door to move the latch."

His small smile made my heart swell, I rarely saw him smile during our time together so it's refreshing to see happiness in the same boys I worried about months ago. "I'm obviously not a builder," he added after holding out his cut up hands, "gonna have to borrow some of Hyunjin's bandages." "Need help?"

****

"I missed the way you patched us up. Its alot more comfortable than Hyung's tight and rigid tactic." Finishing up the last wrap I gave his hand a soft squeeze before putting the medical supplies back to its spots. "Had to learn somehow with Namjoon always managing to injure himself. I still cant figure out how he would do it but he always had new injuries each week! Mom was always finding small jobs to do so she was gone alot while dad was always at the companies he was doing work for. He tried to patch himself up but would always hurt himself more," I laughed, "I wonder if he found someone to replace my handiwork."

The room was silent for a moment but my smile never faltered. "I'm sure he's fine," I added, "I'm sure he is running around with Jungkook or Seokjin. They had a big group of friends apparently. I didnt get to see them often since he was scared I would fall for Jungkook but I think he was overreacting. Big brother stuff you know?" "I understand completely. My older sister was the same way with her friends. But she was more worried because I was a bit of a wild child in her eyes. She thought I would corrupt her friends." The room filled with laughter as we thought back to our pasts. Thinking about it now I never would have believed someone like Seungmin would be my friend. In high school I was always shy and a bit of a book nerd but wasn't afraid to stand up for myself. I guess that's how I meshed well with Jeongin when I moved to Korea, attending high school with him. Apparently Hyunjin went there too but I never really got to know him and didnt even know of his existence!

As we sat here I realized just how lucky I am to have met my boys. They helped me learn to grow a backbone and how important it was to not judge a book by his cover. "Well I better get back to the pins. I heard that Chan is going to take some of the men and younger males for hunting practice. You going," Seungmin sighed as he got up. "No I'm going to stay here and let my shoulder rest some more." "Right. But hey, thanks for patching me up."

**** Three years ago****

A loud crash erupted from the living room followed by an "Oh shit!" Glancing over at Jin who came and helped me make dinner tonight I wiped my hands on the apron he gave to me and followed the sound to see my brother trying to pick up the pieces of the now broken vase.

"Why does mom demand we keep glass items in this house," he growled before he cut open his hand yet again. "No Joon get the broom," I laughed. I quickly pulled him up to his feet and examined his hand to see a few thin lines here and there but nothing a few bandages couldnt cover. "You're a god of destruction," I giggled to myself before letting go of him and moving to get the broom,"dont move Joon! You'll break something else with your luck!"

"How is it that he is the older brother but you are the one who takes care of him," Seokjin laughed. "I swear the birth year on my birth and adoption certificates are wrong. I have to be older than him." "What will he do without you in a few years?" "I'll be fine!"

****

I always wondered where he went. Did he make it out of our town alive? Did he find the boys? I might never get answers.

A few hours later and I was huddled in my room by the fireplace, waiting for the boys to get back. Chan and Jeongin were out teaching the younger boys to hunt which was freaky in it's own sense but it was also scary that it was starting to get dark. "Y/N," Shuyang called while rushing in. "I thought you were hunting! What's wrong," I asked. Going over to him and rubbing his heaving back I could barely hear him huffed out "need translator. Felix cant understand. A man is here!"

****

"救命啊," I heard a young man scream as I raced up the staircase. "I dont speak chinese! Do you speak anything else? What group are you from," Felix yelled. "Hyung yelling isnt going to help. It's like when we did that when you were learning korean," Seungmin sighed. "Shut up! I dont see you helping! And where the hell is Shuyang?" Shoving the door open I walked in front of Shuyang and took a look at the situation. Seungmin was sitting in the back corner with his hands in his face, Felix was standing firm but with panic laced on his, and the boy who must have been the man screaming in chinese moments ago was pacing the room.

"My name is Y/N. I speak chinese well. Are you okay," I asked while slowly approaching the frantic man. " His eyes grew wide and he let out a "oh my god! I can speak a little korean but the words arent coming to me right now! My base has been invaded and we need help! I'm from Amber's section!" "Amber? Amber Liu," Felix asked after finally catching on. "They're invaded."

****

We filled the trucks with as many members as we could as we raced to the compound. In my truck we had Felix, Changbin, Minho, Jisung, Lucas, and I. The ride was quiet aside from the engine roaring as Minho raced us through the winding roads. "Please let there be survivors," Lucas whispered to himself, "let my friends be okay." Placing my hand ontop of his I tried to comfort him in any way I could but with little results. "How did this happen," Felix asked which I ended up having to translate. In the best korean he could manage in the moment he said "people were coming back from hunting and one was bitten while he was out. He didnt tell anyone and turned. It spread from there. Oh God Winwin!" Tears rolled down his face and he pulled his sleeves to his eyes to try to stop them.

"Its okay to cry," I hushed, "we are going to help the best we can I promise." Jisung eyed me as I comforted the stranger, knowing my heart was breaking for him. Placing his hand on his back, I could tell Jisung was trying to help too. We both knew what it was like to lose someone to this situation. When we first found eachother he had his older brother with him who got bit saving Jisung. I on the other hand had to shoot my mother when she turned and soon after my father. It's a pain that many in this world are forced to go through but it never gets easier. We all hope for a day this will end but at this point we know the odds are out of our favor.

"We're here," Minho interrupted before we all rushed out of the trucks and others pulled in. With a team of an estimated thirty we raced into the compound and began to shoot every Walker in sight. I stuck close to Lucas and Felix as we tried to find and gather survivors but only managed to find a small group hiding in a closed off room in the leadership tower. "Ten! Amber," Lucas cried as he rushed into the room. Doing a headcount I was able to see five survivors and then Lucas, my heart dropping at the alarming number. "We couldnt stop them," Amber shook, "I just had to find survivors and barricade ourselves until help arrived."

"We're here," Felix comforted, "now come on. We need to get you guys to a vehicle while we search for more." "I'll keep looking. I have great aim and can protect myself," I suggested. Nodding his head, Felix ushered everyone out while I raced around the entire compound. The bodies laying on the floor added to my fear and I prayed for atleast one more survivor. "Please! Anyone!" On the ground was a young male with a Walker ontop of him, snapping at his face. Pulling my arrow back I was able to nail him right in the back of his head and ran to help the young man.

He had to be close to Jeongin's age but definitely a giant in comparison. His eyes were soft but full of fear but I had to push my own aside to try to soothe him in this moment. "Are you infected," I asked. Shaking his head I immediately pulled him to his feet and handed him a gun from my bag and continued through the compound. After nearly an hour though and no other survivors in sight I knew it was time to leave.

"But Chenle! I cant leave him!" "Someone else might have found him. We have to go," I ordered before pulling him by his arm to the trucks that were already packed and preparing to leave. "Is that all of our team," Felix yelled through the crowd. "We are all clear sir," another called out. Helping the boy into the bed of the truck I crawled in to sit by him and the new members of our base, listening to the cries of pain as they went through their list of friends who were either infected or killed.

"Johnny," one asked. "Got bit. I watched someone shoot him soon after. Same for Mark." "Chenle?" "Infected." My heart went out to this group. These were their friends, their family, and they had to watch some of them die today. "I'm sorry I didnt get help soon enough," Lucas apologized. Amber placed her hand on his face and made him look at her, "you saved us Lucas. You cant save everyone but you saved someone! You did great." "Its not your fault," another girl added, "this wasn't something we could have stopped. Its life now."

Life sucks.

[quackmyback]

Her Muse : Min Yoongi

Min Yoongi x Fem!Reader

PART ONE???

a/n : heyyy, it’s al and this is my lil fic. its mostly to help me practice my writing, but if you like it let me know :)

word count : 2670+

Annalise Moberly -- more commonly known as Rio to the rest of the world -- could definitely be classified as a rarity; a morning person. Her band mates didn't even refer to her with the term, instead, they took up the lovely adjective 'insane' to call their main vocalist. On anyday, at exactly at five fifteen in the morning, you could find Annie in the girl's kitchen with a mug of coffee -- black -- snuggled in her hands. She would we tucked away in a brightly colored sweater without any pants on -- because who wheres pants at home? -- and a book with too many pages beneath her nose. It would be a romance novel, she was a sap for those, and by the time she finished her coffee she would be almost halfway to halfway done. It was probably her superpower -- besides waking up at the ass crack of dawn -- to be able to read a book so quickly the flash would be envious.

That's where Min-ji found Annie that morning when she found herself once again in the clutches of her insomnia. Although, this time it was earlier than normal. This time it was around one in the morning and Min-ji was beyond confused.

"Annie?" Min-ji roared when she spoke. It was never on purpose, she just was a naturally loud and bubbly person. Annie didn't jump, she expected her friend to slump down the steps and pop around the kitchen corner fairly soon. Also, nothing really scared Annie; she always had been an impenetrable brick wall according to her moms.

Annie hummed in response to her friend, her eyes didn't leave her monitor as she typed mindlessly on her laptop.

"What're you doing awake?" Min-ji was confused, not beyond, just confused. She was, actually, beyond used to Annie waking up at ungodly hours of the day. Just never this hour.

"Couldn't sleep," Annie sniffled, wiggling her nose and pursing her lips. "Figured why not get a head start on some new beats. Some new jams, get hizzy with it-"

"Stop. Please, just, stop." Min-ji raised her hand as she reached the fridge, turning away from Annie and rummaging inside of it. Annie glanced up and could've sworn -- hand over heart and needle through eye -- that Min-ji's lower half disappeared inside of the damn thing. When she reappeared, she held a hug of milk and practically threw it on the counter.

"My god, MinMin, I thought you had insomnia not anger issues," Annie crinkled her nose at the violence towards the dairy product. Her fingers found their way around the mug just beside her laptop, it was filled with calming chamomile this time. Not black coffee. She didn't get a reaponse from Min-ji, just an exhausted grunt and a casual flip of a -- not so nice -- finger. "There's tea in the kettle if you-okay"

Annie cut herself off as Min-ji slammed a mug -- hopefully, not precious -- down onto the counter and poured a hefty glass of milk. Min-ji thought for a second before she turned around again to put the milk up. Once the fridge devoured her for a little bit, she was spat back out with a new bottle in her hands.

"Is that rum?" Annie raised her brows at her elder bandmate, watching her wearily. Min-ji glared up and into Annie's eyes as she unscrewed the top. Her hand wrapped around the neck of the bottle and tipped it over the side, pouring in a fair amount of liquor. "Alrighty then."

Annie closed her laptop, her dainty fingers pressing the screen down onto the keys. She finished off her mug of chamomile, watching Min-ji chug down the whole mug quicker than Annie could say 'holy shit, bitch.'

Annie shoved her chair back, the legs smoothly gliding across the pristine -- alright, that's a bit if an exaggeration -- white tile. She walked around the island, landing beside Min-ji.

"You do know what time it is, right?" Anne quirked her brow, her concern rising as Min-ji -- determined to suckle the last drop of her mixture -- had her nose and mouth tucked into the mug.

Min-ji's eyes poked around the mugs rim, shooting a look towards Annie as she placed her own mug into the sink. Her voice was simultaneously muffled and echoey from inside the mug,"Of course, do I look incompetent to you?" Annie opened her mouth to answer, a good already on the tip of her tongue.

"Well-"

"Rhetorical. Do not answer that," Min-ji dropped the mug from her face and sat it in the sink next to Annie's. Annie smiled tiredly, sluggishly moving to retrieve her laptop and push in her barstool. The effects of her chamomile were already pumping through her veins. Her head felt foggy and her eyes were glassy.

"Whatever you say, MinMin. Nighty night," Annie began to walk away, to retreat to her room and not be seen until in a few hours, but she stopped and turned back to Min-ji for a second,"by the way, I don't know if you've heard, but if you keep scowling like that your face is liable to get stuck."

Min-ji threw one last glare as the girl passed the banister and ascended the stairs, muttering to herself as she reached for a muffin in the center of the island. "Smart ass."

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Annie did not wake up at her usual time, in fact, she was beyond late and that was totally out of character for her. The next time she opened her eyes, she was curled up in an odd position on her bed with the sheets somewhere on the floor. Annie always got hot at night, but cold in the day. It took her a moment to register the sun--something she wasn't used to seeing in the morning--when she pried her eyes to stay open and rubbed them awake. She took in a deep breath and turned her head.

8:39 a.m

"Fucking ducks," Annie cursed, flinging herself off her bed. She grabbed her phone and headed downstairs, her mind wandering to the earlier hours of the morning she first trekked down the steps. The reason she woke up of course, she hadn't lied to Min-ji, was because of the wave of emotion she felt. The rush if excitement and worry practically being shoved down her throat, dreams of yellow and pink with swirls and beautiful music shook her awake. She practically choked on enthusiasm, instantly grabbing her laptop and writing down the music she hears in her dream. Angelic, light and a beat that crawled out of hell. It was perfect, hut Annie had no clue what it was for.

When she stumbled into the kitchen, her hands were running through her hair quickly. Yanking out knots and unwanted curls, she crunched her nose as she ignored the pain.

"Well good morning, sleeping beauty," Annie snapped a glare towards Hidaya, suddenly feeling the urge to choke the woman to death with her hijab. Hidaya smirked, a mug of whatever concoction she needed to slurp in the mornings loosely supper in her hands.

"Careful," Annie warned, "I might teach you a new way to wrap your hijab." Hidaya rolled her eyes, sipping her tea. Annie bit her cheek, sifting through the pantry.

"Like you have time for that," Ami snorted tossing the girl a silver rectangular packe,"It's brown sugar. Go get dressed, we have dance practice then a meeting with BigHit."

Annie froze,"BigHit?"

Ami nodded, nibbling on the eggs and bacon laid out in front of her that she did not bother to share with anyone else. "Yeah, you know, the company over BTS."

Annie nodded slowly,"Right. Yeah." As Ami said BTS, Annie got the burst of pinks and yellows around her vision. "Okay."

─────────────────────────

"Why on Earth," Min-Ji questioned, breathing heavily and patting her forehead with a towel,"is this meeting scheduled after a dance practice? That's like taking team photos after the first practice of the season. It's satanic!"

Annie scrunched her face at the girl as they walked down the pristine lavender walls of the company building. "You're so over dramatic," Annie shook her head at her best friend, throwing her towel at the girls chest.

"I just dont get it,"Min-Ji mumbled, pulling a grossed out face as she plucked the towel off of her shirt and handed it to Ami. The sweet mom of the group took the towel without hesitation and send a secret annoyed look to Hidaya.

"Well dont think too much," Annie warned, her hand wrapping around the handle to their bosses office,"Might hurt yourself."

"Oh, so original."

The four girls stumbled awkwardly into the office, dressed in sweatpants and jumpers quickly thrown over sports bras. Annie inspected everyone else in the room, definitely underdressed.

"Girls, glad you could make it." Danielle greeted them, a tight smile stretched across her flushed cheeks.

Annie scrunched her nose, sliding into a rolly chair on the opposite side of the table where a boy with pink hair resided. She muttered to herself, no one in particular,"You literally make our schedules."

Ami reached over Min-Ji and smacked the girls bicep, Annie jumped in surprise as her fist made contact. The coffee addict gave Ami a bewildered look, puzzled and hurt.

"Shush,"Annie pouted, she sat back in her chair and crossed her arms like a child; she obeyed Ami's wishes.

"Right then," Danielle mainly spoke to the girls and the man sitting at the far end of the table, which Annie thought to be highly rude despite knowing the men couldn't understand many words her boss was saying. "Black Summer, meet BTS. BTS, meet Black Summer."

Hidaya opened her mouth, a smirk resident on her face."BS is always a swell term too."

Annie's eyes watched in fascination as the translator at the end of the table spoke, she could only understand the simple words and, in that moment, she thanked whatever god was out there that Min-Ji forced them into Korean language lessons. She watched the translator falter after he realized the sentences he had just flipped languages and reiterated to the seven gorgeous boys of Bangtan.

Annie's lips parted, she finally took the chance to look at them; they were all looking at each other.

The first one seemed to be a little younger than Annie, herself. Her had a blunt nose and big doe eyes that Annie enjoyed comparing to Ami's, but his were the same color as Annie's rather than a sky blue. He smiled as the translator finished Hidaya's witty snap and Annie bit her cheek as she realized the only thing she should be comparing him to is a bunny.

She moved on, there was a lot of territory to cover.

The next one that seemed most intriguing was the boy right across from her, he had flaming pink locks and cheeks that, even before smiling, poked around his eyes. He was one of the prettiest men Annie had ever laid eyes on, and she had met Shawn Mendes a month ago. He smiled at Annie as their eyes met and the coffee addict couldn't help but reciprocate the grin, his happiness was intoxicating and contagious like a disease Annie never wanted to be cured of.

She gave him a small wave and continued to find someone that interested her. The next two had their arms around each other in an affectionate but casual way, Annie noticed that one of them had his face flushed and he didn't fit the standard Korean beauty Min-Ji had ranted about so many times before. He had a bashful smile, they both did, but his was accompanied by dimples carving his cheeks. The other had broad shoulder that looked to dig into the others chest, but Annie noticed he didn't seem to mind. Annie liked his hair color, it reminded her of coffee with lots of creamer. The way Min-Ji likes her coffee.

The one she surveyed next had a bright boxy smile and strikingly jet black hair, his eyes scrunched--though not as much as cotton candy hair in front of her-- which made him seem like the brightest bottle of sunshine that Annie wanted to get absolutely wasted on. He had cute glasses on his head Annie swore she could pull out of Ami's flamboyant wardrobe.

Annie inspected two boys next, one had the brightest smile on his face -- brighter than cotton candy's and glasses' over there -- and he had his arm timidly linked with another boy's. The boy with the bright smile, Annie saw burst of yellow around him and her glance flickered to the other boys hair. The familiar melody she had dreamed of danced in her head, ricocheting between her ears. Annie felt oddly happy while looking at him and, while she didn't have time to cyber stalk them, assumed his alias was J-Hope from what she's heard. He returned her small, hesitant smile with the biggest one shed received so far. The boy attached to him, however, was looking over at something else instead of Annie's twitching lips.

Annie's lips parted, her interest finally peeked. He had grey hair with the slightest purple undertones, as if it hadn't all the way washed out. He had the smallest of smiles etched on his face, but the apples of his cheeks were the color of strawberry smoothies. Annie head the melody become accompanied with harmonies, the pitches blending in the back of her brain and a numbing mumble of lyrics just out of reach for her to understand.

Then he turned, his gaze shifted and their eyes met.

As soon as abyss collided with abyss, Annie felt a headache stab at her corneas. A dull ache, like beating a drum, pound at the back of her head. When Annie got the perfect look right into his mind from his eyes, mugs black coffee, the only way she drank it, Annie swallowed the pain. The melody boomed, the harmonies collided in perfect rhythm and the lyrics were there, dancing in front of her eyes where splashes of yellow and pink highlighted the most beautiful features of the man in front of her.

She blinked as he looked down at his hands, her own hands fidgeted before they shot out the notebook splayed out in front of Danielle.

"Annie?" Her boss jumped at her abrupt movements, almost shielding her face as the girl swiped things off the desk to find a pen. "Here! Here!"

Annie didnt finding the time to mumble a thank you ad her boss handed her a blue inked pen, her mind to busy running around with butterfly nets trying to catch and preserve every last note and lyric with pins into their wings and glass magnifying their beautiful colors. She didn't feel everyone's eyes on her, especially not the boy who caused symphonies in her head's.

Min-Ji leaned back, a proud smile adorned her perfect features. In her home language, the one she perfected when she was just a kid, she spoke to BTS. "That's just Annie being Annie, she finds music in the beauty around her." Min-Ji's eyes flickered around their faces,"One of you just became her muse. That song will exist because of you."

Annie didn't hear her words, but if she did; she would've bashfully agreed. A flustered smile would've pricked her cheeks once again and she would've tried her damn hardest to not look at the boy with the grey hair and perfect face. Knowing good and well he knew he was the last person she looked at before her outburst, they both knew...

He became her muse.

[helloguccitae]

Lost Contact (JJK)

pairing: idol!jungkook x female reader

word count: 1,048

genre: angsty, eventually very fluffy (if i decide to continue)

warnings: sad as fuck for now but hopefully less sad as i continue lol

A/N: So basically, I love writing and I decide to post a lil idea that popped into my head. This is my first fic ever so please give her love (i am very soft and will probably be brokenhearted if people hate it).

all writing that is in bold is meant to be in korean (obviously I dont speak any and didn’t even want to try to mess with google translate)

“I’m sorry but I hope you understand.” He is too nervous to look you in the eyes and chooses to stare at the ground instead, his hands awkwardly residing behind his back as if he wanted to give you space. 

You remain speechless. Unable to form a coherent sentence and continue to gawk at his tall frame, his emotions masked behind his hair which is seemingly always in his face. Breaking up? Your heart broke at the thought of breaking up with him but he seems almost confident in his decision, even though his nervous demeanor got the best of him you could tell there was no changing his mind. Both of you continue to remain silent, simply choosing to bask in the sadness of the moment. 

Suddenly, he clears his throat and decides to speak. “I think it's for the best if we lose contact with each other…we will all be changing our numbers before the tour starts either ways but I think it's appropriate that I don’t share our new numbers with you.” 

You could almost touch the tension in the air - it was palpable. He finally gained the courage to look at you but almost immediately let his head drop once more. After two years of dates, staying up late and constant laughter it seemed almost unexpected and the news hit you like a truck. You could feel your heart sink when the words left his mouth and almost expected him to exclaim how it was all a joke but when the words continued to flow without any ounce of hesitation from him - it tore you apart. You felt a rush of emotions from sadness to anger, the now wasted nights where you stood by his side as he cried at the minuscule mistakes in his dance routine to the early FaceTime calls when he was on tour. For two years, he was your everything and you made sure he felt loved, supported and content at all times even if that meant keeping your relationship a secret due to the high expectations of his career. Your relationship wasn't perfect but it was filled with love and beautiful memories, it seemed unreasonable to simply throw it away but sadly you knew that once he made a decision he almost always stuck to it. 

Your voice cracks as you speak. “Was it something I did? I can change, I promise! I can be better if you let me fix it—“ 

“No, no! You can’t fix it, its not you…” He cuts you off quickly and his eyes raise in alarm at the thought that you would ever blame yourself.

“Then what?” You ask hoping your voice doesn't betray you this time. 

“It's just…they don’t like you” He states trailing off. 

“Who, the fans? I told you that I’m okay with us staying private and even if—“ 

“No! Not the fans…the boys! They hate you and don’t think that you're right for me.” He stops you abruptly.

At that moment it seemed as your entire world was crashing around you. How could that be possible? They loved you or so you thought. Those six boys were his entire life and they meant the world to him. They raised him and made him into the man he is now, he owes everything to them but most importantly they are his family. Even a fool could see how important they are to him and it broke you to know that after all this time they hated you. His statement filled you with confusion, how could it all be fake? the late nights studying English with them to help for future interviews, the constant lunches and meals you made for them when they were all too stressed to even function and the support you gave all of them as they ventured into new music and different styles. Over these past two years, they had also become like family to you since you were away from home and the thought of them hating you crushed your soul. It had to be true because you knew he wouldn’t lie about something like this, it was too cruel to be a joke. 

You couldn’t help the sobs that escape your body as you slowly sunk to the pavement, you could feel his remorse for you. You finally understood his decision, his family means the most to him and if even for one second they didn’t approve of you then they were right. They knew him like the back of their hands and looked out for him in every instance. You knew that they were wary of him getting into a relationship but over time you thought that they grew to love you. You felt so stupid, so dense. Like you couldn't even understand when people wanted you around and didn't. 

“I’m sorry…” His expression faltered for a moment, his stoic cold expression suddenly became filled with regret and pain. It was almost as though this was hurting him as much as it was hurting you. It was brief but still present and the thought of him still caring for you made your heart skip a beat. How pathetic you thought to yourself. 

He cleared his throat and looked down at your crying figure. He pulled a key from his pocket and gently placed it in front of you, it was the key to your apartment. You looked up towards him and you saw his eyes filled with tears as his mouth opened trying to say anything other than his constant apologies. He silently nodded to himself and turned around from your sobbing state. With hesitation, he walked towards the black car that was waiting behind him, as he walked away from you another sob escaped your body and you saw him stop in his place. He stood silently for the shortest of moments but then clenched his fist and continued to walk towards the car, he didn’t look back at you once and simply entered the back seat of the car. The tinted windows kept you from catching another glance at him as the car drove past at an alarming rate. You looked down at the key and grasped it with such tightness almost like it was about to disappear just as he did from your life. 

[amourtaes-blog]

love it if we made it

song choice - love it if we made it by The 1975

Kim Taehyung. The most beautiful man to ever roam this world, at least to me. Also goes by V, 1/7 of the K-pop boyband, BTS! Born in Daegu, South Korea on the 30th of December 1995 making him a Capricorn. Collector of ties and admirer of Sir Vincent Van Gogh. Known for his 4D personality and breathtakingly symmetrical face.  A burning passion to act as he was in the drama, Hwarang. Parades around in Gucci but was brought up on a farm with his grandparents keeping him humble. Adores his parents and is a family man. Has the cutest boxy smile and adoring personality, he's kind and a great best friend according to Jimin. However, Jungkook says his personality is indescribable. He finds the moles that decorate his body interesting, even turning one into an elephant and likes to entertain whoever is around and himself by playing music and making a live music video. He is the social butterfly of the group, always making friends wherever he goes. He's innocent and playful, stubborn at times but deeply cares for everyone's well being. Quite frankly, he sounds perfect. This description right here isn't enough to give you even a rough idea of what he's like. I could go on for days talking about him but for now, this can do.

It's the 20th of July 2018, a Friday. A new "The 1975" song was released, Love It If We Made It. The first line clearly shocked me causing me to stop listening after a few more seconds, "Fucking in a car, shootin' heroin," I clearly wasn't expecting that. The rest of the day went by as a blur. I did the occasional housework and moped about, still feeling upset and drained from the past events of the week. I've been listening to Ariana Grande's new song, God Is A Woman, although I wasn't keen on the title I gave it a try and found myself addicted. It was quite a boring Friday, a long day of nothing specific. Nothing, in particular, roamed my brain apart from a growing sadness that I chose to ignore. Yet, the banging drums of the new The 1975 song rang through the back of my head. No matter what I did or heard, it was all I could hear so I decided to give it another try. Of course, yet again, I loved it The 1975 never disappoint me and I always find myself loving their new music. But this. This was special. I say this with all of their songs but currently, it felt like it touched my heart in places I wasn't aware of. The chorus grabbed at my heartstrings making me feel so deeply in love and straight away my mind went to him.

It kept me awake for most of the night, not once did I get bored of this song. It made me feel everything at once and I love songs like that. Songs that make me feel uneasy because it's not easy to describe how they make me feel. The song wasn't even about love, but the vibe and beat made me feel like I was gonna run away with the love of my life and watch the sunset. Till 4, the song was on repeat, full blast as I got lost into the depths of Tumblr, adoring and examining his face. Every second passed and I hoped that I could run away but with him, watching the sunset and not giving a care in the world. Just focusing on each other.

Just before the sun started rising I started to head to bed, hoping to put myself at peace even though every cell in my body was awake, buzzing at the beat of the song. Yearning to hear it for "just one more time" but a light wave of sleep sat on my eyes, Very light actually, hardly 2kg. I packed up and headed upstairs not bothering to wash my face as my body ached with pain and sadness, still I ignored it. Crying for hours 2 days beforehand was enough to drain my body of any emotion.

Laying in bed was torturous, especially since the arms that engulfed me once provided me with tranquility but now the owner of the arms sat on the center of my mind. Multiple attempts to get a few hours of deep, comfortable sleep fell through quickly as I tossed and turned, my mind racked with everything but the need to sleep. The song also occupying my mind, the quiet of the room only making it amplify. It was all so noisy. The song and my troubles attacking me from every direction, not giving me any chance to fall into a much-needed slumber. Long sighs left my lips and the party beside me was not having it. He knew deep in my intellect was a bustling mess of thoughts. Curiosity got the best of him and he was speaking before he could register what he was saying in his head. "Something on your mind?" Gently I looked to my side, my vision being blessed with the heart-stopping view. "Is it that obvious?" I chuckled, now aware of how crazy I must've looked. His hand came to caress my cheek, the softest fingertips grazing over my flesh made me breathless. "Wanna talk about it babygirl?" He hummed, moving his hand down to my inner shoulder rubbing gentle circles to calm me down. I let out a big huff, I could keep this in and enjoy how his skin feels against mine or I could clear my head once and for all, it's not like I would get any sleep if I chose the first option. I bore into his eyes trying to figure out which option I should take, I was pulled out of my trance when I saw his eyes flick vigorously between mine; searching for my answer. "Sure," I cleared my throat and sat up, ready to let this out once and for all to the person I loved the most. He too sat up ready to listen and understand, compassion glazed over his eyes.

"No one loves me Taehyung!" I sighed feeling a small weight being lifted off of me. His eyes almost popped out of his eyes and he reached forward ready to interject, to tell me I'm wrong, "No don't," I stopped him "Let me," He sat back intrigued as to what nonsense I was mewing. "Repeatedly I've been told no one likes me or someone has a problem with me. My family said it and so have my friends over the years. Not one friend or family member I had didn't tell me they found faults in who I was. It got boring Tae and I started to believe it, I still do. Especially when you hear it from someone you love and trust fully. It hurts, it hurts so fucking much. I just feel unloved and that I've been lied to all my life. I feel useless and disappointed. Disappointed that I'm not enough for people and disappointed in myself for fully trusting people so quickly. I'm so lost and confused now, each day feels as if it has no meaning and I dont know if I wanna be here to deal with each day because all I can think about is what I did wrong and if I'll ever be able to be loved? I don't want to eat or sleep or interact with people that aren't my best friend. Each conversation I try to hold feels like a chore. I feel like I failed, I let people win over me, I called defeat while they carry on living their best lives. Now there's nothing left for me to do, I'm just living for the sake of it. Each day all I do is wallow in self-pity rather than moving on with the people who do truly love me because it's empty inside now, there's a big hole punctured in by the people who pretended to love me and care. If I think about my future I just think about running away from my current situation and starting afresh with my best friend. Going somewhere where I don't know anyone and starting new relationships but choosing carefully so I don't feel the same heartbreak again. I want a change, a new beginning, a fresh start." Tears pricked at my eyes as I poured out the worries that ached at my heart but a smile still creeping up on my face as I thought about being with people who truly love me.

"Leyya, I love you! More than anyone and I want you to know that. For me, you're everything and I mean that I promise." Tae lovingly confessed, his hands latching onto mine reassuringly. My smile slowly melted from my face, another worry itching at my head. "You don't Tae because you're not real! You aren't here right now; this is all a figment of my imagination. This is what I wish for every night, to be held in your arms and to hear your heartbeat right next to my ear as I sleep. To be your one and only, the love of your life. The only person you look at and the only person to be loved by you but that's not happening and it will never happen. You're Korean and 9 years older than me, a famous K-pop idol adored by many and you live in Seoul approximately 5,000 miles away from me. Lastly, you don't know me and you never will. Even if I do meet you, you'll see me as an ARMY, not as someone who you could possibly fall in love with. It sounds so ridiculous but this out of all things hurts the most, the harsh reality. I'm loving someone with my whole heart who doesn't even know I exist or how much I'm devoted to him. There are probably millions of people who feel the same, I'm nothing special just another in the mass of people. You made me fall in love with you from so far away and it wasn't how good looking you were or who you were. It was you, the real Kim Taehyung. I'm in love with how real and sincere you are, your goofiness and randomness. I love everything about you, the good and the bad, the ups and downs. I want to experience them all but I won't. Ever. It feels as if my heart is being ripped from my chest as I say this but its the truth and I have to face that I won't ever get you, I won't ever be lucky enough to know you personally. You will always be Taehyung; my bias from BTS who I love so dearly but no one understands because to everyone else I'm just a teenage girl going through her one of many phases. If it's a phase why does it hurt to love you?" At this point, tears were streaming down my face and I was holding onto Tae's hand for my dear life, he sat there watching me come undone not saying a word because I was right and he knew it. The Tae sitting in front of me wasn't real, I made him up to help comfort me.

My breathing started to steady itself as I took all the energy I had left to focus on my breathing. We both sat in a comfortable yet endearing silence, I was thankful he didn't push or question my words instead, he let me get all the shit I was bottling up out. The sun started to rise and I felt sleep descending onto my lids. Tae sensed my exhaustion and laid down with his arms open, inviting me to join him. Sighing contently, a sleepy smile overtook my face. I snuggled into his side and clutched onto his body with my dear life, not wanting the moment to conclude. For once I didn't feel as heavy but there was still something there, eating and gnawing at me but like I always do, I chose to ignore it. There was still something more, some unsaid words that I didn't choose to air, I can't air them because it hurts too much to talk about.

The chorus of the song played but this time faintly without a jumbled mess of worries interfering, it spread bliss throughout my body. "I'd love it if we made it!" The words lulled over again and again. Would I be able to make it? Will this emptiness be filled with happiness or more sorrow? I'm aware he isn't real but I love how warm he is, despite it being hot, his warmth isn't only in temperature but he makes me feel safe and wanted. He makes me want to cry and jump in joy that he's here but cry also in despair as he's not really with me. I'm just holding onto the fact that what my brain made could be real. His embrace was secure yet relaxing, it didn't feel forced, it felt just right. My eyes slowly blinked closed and my limbs fell free against his body. A neat kiss was sweetly placed on my forehead and collected breathing lay close by your ear.

"You are loved!"

(i made my mom cry pt2)

[stratus-skye07]

Like Father, Like Son | D.O.

The Do family is a simple family. Discussions of acting come up during dinner time which brings a surprise.

Word Count: 1k

[Masterlist]

The Sun is beautifully bright today. The perfect day for gardening, at least that’s what my husband, Kyungsoo says. He’s in the backyard with our son, Haneul, picking some fruits and vegetables in the green house. When we first moved into our house the one thing Kyungsoo really wanted was a garden since he loves to cook. He said that if he hadn’t become a singer he would’ve been a farmer.

Ever since Haneul was old enough to understand things, Kyungsoo has been teaching him about foods so he can learn to cook when he gets older. Haneul has always been curious about new things and it wasn’t until Kyungsoo noticed him watching from a distance when he was gardening that he started teaching him. Now they spend time together in the green house. I would watch them through the kitchen window that overlooks the whole backyard.

I’m in the middle of making dinner when Haneul comes in with a basket of vegetables, “Eomma, look at all the fresh vege-vege-tables.” He says struggling with the word.

“Oh wow, you and appa are working so hard.”

He hold the basket up to me, “Can you wash them?”

“Of course,” I take the basket and place it in the sink.

Kyungsoo comes in from the kitchen, “Did Haneul show you the vegetables?”

I hold up one of the cucumbers, “He did. That’s a lot.”

“Eomma, I’m thirsty. Can I have some banana milk?”

I nod making my way to the fridge, “Do you want something to drink, honey?” I ask Kyungsoo whose wiping the sweat off his forehead.

“A water, please.”

I hand both my boys their drinks before heading back to washing the vegetables. Kyungsoo comes up from behind me with a firm hug.

“Do you need help with anything?” He asks leaning his head on my shoulder.

“Aren’t you tired? You two have been working in the green house all day.”

He shakes his head, “Tired or not, I’ll still help.”

I smile at his adorableness, “Can you stir the soup, please?”

With Kyungsoo’s help cooking, I managed to get dinner done sooner than expected. Haneul was at the table reading the entire time. He had his reading glasses on. His eyesight isn’t too bad but Haneul has a hard time reading things up close. Even at the dinner table he wouldn’t put the small book down that Kyungsoo had to take it from him.

“Haneul, that’s enough reading. It’s dinner time now.”

He huffs about it at first but ultimately lets it go. “Yes, appa.”

Kyungsoo has never been a harsh parent when it came to disciplining Haneul but the stares he gives him when he does something wrong is what scares him more along with his deep and stern voice.

Before putting the booklet down, Kyungsoo reads the cover. “What are you reading?”

Haneul shrugs his shoulder, “It’s nothing important.”

Kyungsoo looks at me questioning whether or not to push the subject so I add,

“Haneul is practicing for his part in the school play.”

“You’re in the school play?” Kyungsoo asks in a delighted tone.

“Yeah,” Haneul answers so simply as if the fact itself was unimportant to continue talking about.

Kyungsoo ruffles his hairs, “Why didn’t you tell me? You’ve seen some of my movies.”

“It’s just that I’m the bad guy.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“I don’t want to be the bad guy, they always lose.”

“It’s just a play.” I tell him to give him some kind of comfort.

“Even so, if you’re the bad guy than you should be the best bad guy so everyone will want you to win.”

“How do I do that?”

"You just have to keep your face completely emotionless. It's like when you're reading but without your glasses. Then when they least expect it, you give them a little smile."

Haneul glares similar to Kyungsoo when he can’t see anything in the distance. It brings back memories of when he first looked at me like that when we met. I thought I did something to offend him but it turned out that he was checking me out without his glasses.

Haneul looks at Kyungsoo with wide eyes, "Is that what you do?"

"That’s how he lured me in." I whisper to myself.

"When you act a lot like me you learn all the techniques. After dinner I'll teach you how I do it. You'll be the coolest bad guy in the play."

"Eomma, when are you going to do a play again?"

By play he means a movie. I was an actress before meeting Kyungsoo. We met on a drama together. I did so many dramas and movies back then from Korean, to Chinese, and even a few Japanese. Once I was pregnant with Haneul I took a break and made plans to go back to work but time just past me by. I kept worrying if I went back to acting that Haneul would be missing both his parents.

"I don't know, Haneul."

"Maybe you should think about it." Kyungsoo adds.

I sigh, "I doubt anyone would want to hire me after all this time."

Kyungsoo smirks and places a stack of papers on the table beside me, "I wouldn't think too lowly of yourself."

"Honey, get your script off the table."

"It's not my script."

I look at the title of the paper and underneath that it has my name on it.

"What is this?"

"Your manager gave me this and figured I'd be more convincing. Hanuel isn't the only one who thinks you should get back to acting."

I pick up the script to read the summary of the drama. It's about a male detective that meets a psych patient who's pleading help from a kidnapper that is still abducting women. It's up to the detective to find the real suspect and free the patient.

"Are you gonna do it, eomma?"

"I dont know, you think your old eomma still has it?"

Haneul nods his head, "Yeah, both you and appa are the best at plays."

I nod, "I guess, we'll have to see if I still got it or not."

"It's great that you should say that honey because you should see who the antagonist is." I look in the pages to find the casting list where I see Kyungsoo's name as the actual kidnapper. "Looks like we'll be having a fight scene in episode 19."

"I've never played a psych patient before?"

"We can all practice the emotionless face so we can scare Uncle Chanyeol as a family."

Haneul tilts his head, “Appa, why does Uncle Chanyeol call me spawn of Satan?”

[treasure-exo]

11 question tag

I wasn’t tagged by @oh-beyond and @e-xing(to my main @susie2110) for the 11 questions so here’s comes the trouble lol..

Rules: Answer 11 questions from the person who tagged you and make another 11 questions for the people you tag.

Oh-beyond’s questions

Scenario: You find yourself with your bias in an elevator that breaks down…

Ok lol I was once trapped in an elevator alone, not with someone and I was dumbfounded and didn’t even screamed for help and panicked but thank god some passerby saw the elevator wasn’t working properly and called for help.. so probably let’s see if I can survive or not...

1. He is a whiny baby… what do you do? How do you act around him?

I would first try to calm myself and then help him calm down if I calmed down in the first place which I probably would take time. (But as I’ll see Baekhyun’s fantastic smile after I would melt and forget every possible thing on this planet so I will probably help him and make it happen.)

2. Do you act around him like you know him or like you don’t?

I would try to pretend but I can’t control my feelings for so long so he would probably notice and than I would tell him I already know. So boring I know.

3. There is an obvious language barrier… do you try talk to him in his language (google translate, etc…) ? Or do you go for English and he can figure it out himself?

I somewhat know Korean yeah so I’ll try if he can understand my broken Korean otherwise I’ll use google translate because probably he would not get my English and accent lmao.

4. He starts crying… do you decide unstanning him? Or do you lend your shoulder to cry on?

I WOULD NOT UNSTAN HIM... ok lol but instead I’ll get to know what is wrong and try to solve the matter amd make him stop crying. So obviously lend my shoulder to cry on and listen to him rant.

5. He finally faints in your lap… do you take advantage? You stare? You touch his eyelashes to make sure they are real? His cheeks? Anything else?

Uh... I would not take any advantage. I would probably stare at him and adore him and his beauty because I know he’s beautiful lmao and probably ruffle or just touch his hair (I totally have a hair kink here) because they are so soft and touch his skin so pure. But other than this I would seriously try to make him wake up because fainting is scary.

6. He regains consciousness and he asks you if you’ve touched him… would you be honest?

Yes.. I would honestly tell him I touched his hair and skin to check if it’s not a dream and it’s really happening with some hesitation surely.

7. Do you try making him laugh? Or you act all uninterested to create a mysterious aura so he gets curious? What is your tactic?

I will probably like to create a mysterious aura because I love mysteries and creating or writing them is my hobby. So I’ll show some of my tricks to show I’m interested but by face remain neutral to confuse him(if it would work which I probably thinks not) and finally make an atmosphere where he’s frustrated and ask me anything anyway.

8. If you decide on telling you stan him. What would be your questions to him? Would you admit he’s your bias or make him jealous telling him you like a different member?

I’ll try make him jealous by telling him I stan some other person by appreciating the other and to the point where he’s completely jealous and frustrated but I’ll eventually laugh and tells him that I joked and he’s the person who I stan and appreciate more.

9. If you act like you don’t know him, would you still try to impress him?

Yes for sure. Definitely.

10. You are taken… if he asks you if you have a significant other… would you lie?

Hmmm...taken? By Byun Baekhyun? Yes I’ll tell him I’m taken by you and would not at all lie about the matter ;)

11. The lights of the elevator go off and he’s scared and gets too close and his hands are too handsy… would you stop him? Or…?

Well I’ll be the first one to hold his hand to make sure someone is still there with me. So lmao other than that I’ll stop him.

E-xing’s questions

1. If you could ask your bias for just one thing, what would you request?

Marry me!!!

2. It’s been a hard day for you. All you can think about is all the hardships you have going on. You’re going home in a rush, looking forward to chill for a while. There’s someone on the street hurrying somewhere, just like you are.Suddenly you bump your shoulder into a stranger. It turns out to be your bias. What will happen next? How do you react? Do you say something? 

I would die at that moment but after recovered my fangirling mode will never put on. But as we both are in a hurry I’ll not waste his time further than just ask for a photo or autograph.

3. Would you rather go to an EXO concert or spend 2 hours with your bias? Why?

Spend 2 hours with my bias beacuse l will get to know him in general and if possible he might remember me and considers me a faifthful(pervert) fan of his. lmao.

4. You have the opportunity to go to Seoul, SK. Would you try to fit in with the civilians or would you visit tourist attractions solely? 

I would love to see tourist attractions with getting to know their culture and people and if possible try to make friends there too.

5. While you’re there, you’re on your way to a restaurant. You’re dressed all nice, ready to feel alive for the night. Your friends texted you the address but you get lost. You stop a random person on the street asking for directions, but it’s your bias! Do you stutter? Do you flirt? Do you ask for a selca? Do you invite him along, as he helps you nicely and seems like a genuinely nice person? Do you pretend, do all this without revealing that he’s your bias?

I’m a libra and I can’t help but whatever i try to say always comes out in a way as if i’m flirting lol so yeah. Yep I’ll ask him for a selfie and also invite him if he’s free beacuse he’s Byun Baekhyun the irresistible. who would not I doubt...

6. You’re a journalist and your boss tells you that your next interview for the magazine is with EXO. Do you still take the task even though you stan the group or do you pass it for someone else who wouldn’t get biased while asking some questions? What do you do? Are you professional or do you let the fangirl inside take over?

I’ll still do that interview and while asking questions despite me being professional my inner fangirling will definitely comes out evetually and after the interview i might ask a question or two of mine. lol.

7. You’re talking to a guy online for weeks. Eventually you meet up in a public space but you see that he is your bias! Are you upset he lied about who he was or do you get over it and enjoy the rest of the date? 

Totally not. I would be infact happy and surprized that the guy turned out to be my bias. so the date would probably go on as expected and I’ll enjoy.

8. What song do you associate with your bias? Why?

His own song - Beautiful(Baekhyun) because have you ever seen the lyrics? I mean it perfectly defines how I fell for him. Yes, his smile melts me and my heart flutters while he sings. Just listen to that song and his angelic voice. I’m sure you’ll fall for him too.

9. If it were to chose between your bias and your bias wrecker for a relationship, who would you end up with? Or would you go for another member?

Obviously my bias.

10. If you could live with a member for a month while in Seoul, who would you chose? Like in a flat. You’d have to share a flat.

flat? Is it an apartment? I’m sorry I didn’t get it and had to search. I would pick Baekhyun. I’m sorry but I love him with every atom of my body.

11. What makes your bias so special to you? How did he touched your heart and why did you chose him?

Good question. I mean I dont remember but his smile, his voice, his playfulness, his eyes, his genuine gestures. I mean i hated someone being goofy but he makes it seem cute, his dorky nature. but yet sometimes him being serious I love seeing his that side too. I can’t explain but for the very first time I chose him because of his voice in what is love.

Now, my questions:

They will probably be silly and idk what i should ask.

1. What do your bias do(any particular act, aegyo etc.) that makes you extremely happy?

2. Decribe your bias in three words.

3. You are in a relationship with your bias and that he forgets the date when both of you first met? also, your birthday.. what will you do? let it go? scold him?

4. If a genie appears and grants you three wishes of what you want from/for/with your bias. what would it will be?

5. If you got to spend a day as any disney princess with your bias as the prince of the particular tale. who would you be and what will you do?

6. You and your bias are on a date and suddenly he makes some clumsy mistake (spilling his drink on your dress etc.) what will be your reaction? will you leave or stay?

7. You wakes up suddenly and realizes that the group your bias is in was just a group in your dream and no such group exists in real life. but when you were out a day and suddenly sees a person who looks exactly like your bias. Would you approach him? let him go? your reaction?

8. You have millions of dollars in your bank account and you want to buy your bias a single thing. what will it be?

9. A song you like the most which your bias sang?

10. Do you like when your bias apply their significant makeup? or like them without makeup? A photo of best makeup look your bias ever had.

11. The last photo of your bias you saved in your phone.

Idk who to tag... lol because I’m scared. I may have a considerable number of mutuals but I don’t talk with most of them so I’ll tag those to whom I for even once talked or I know them at least. I’ll tag @heehunhan17 @technicallymilkshakes @fluffyyeollie @byunparks

[wickymicky]

i got tagged by @chuukitten like a month ago lmao oops

rules: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people (im too lazy lol im sorry i just like to talk about myself so thats what im gonna do HAHA)

im gonna put this under a read more cause it got long

1. nickname: my bf calls me cube

2. zodiac: i dont do zodiac shit lol sorry

3. height: i dont actually know, im bad with remembering things like that

4. hogwarts house: the “fuck jk rowling” house (okay fine im hufflepuff)

5. last thing i googled: farmersonly… dont worry about it

6. favorite musicians: i mean yall know my kpop ones haha… loona, dreamcatcher, fromis 9, pentagon, exid, red velvet, twice, eyedi, weki meki, etc……. outside of kpop oh man where do i begin… its tough cause ive basically only listened to kpop in 2019 but okay so i’d say the band idles, death grips, grimes, streetlight manifesto, huh idk i have a lot that i like but i dont know who else i would consider my “favorites” at the moment

7. song stuck in my head: right now its pirate king by ateez

8. following: 1800 lol

9. followers: on this blog 264, but 724 on my main

10. do you get asks: occasionally

11. amount of sleep: i should sleep way, way more than i do

12. what are you wearing: pajamas

13. dream job: hmmm. i mean i dont dream of working, i dont have a dream “job”, but if the question is about my dream “thing i wanna do a lot of in my life” then i guess my answer is… idk… something where i can just engage in whatever is interesting to me at the moment. like in the vein of my tumblr blogs where i can just post and talk about stuff im interested in. idk if that means being a youtuber or journalist or just someone who does something else and engages in my interests as a hobby, but yeah. or something to do with linguistics of course. though like i dont wanna be a teacher and thats basically the only path lmao (that i would even consider, anyway)

14. dream trip: you know i dont actually have a lot of interest in travel. idk, it stresses me out. i cant think about going places without worrying about how i’ll get around, what i’ll be doing, what i’ll be able to eat since i have a lot of food anxieties… idk. if someone i love wanted to go on a trip with me i’d probably be down, but i dont really know on my own.

15. instruments: i wish i could do music lol

16. languages: are amazing and i love them. okay fine lol i only speak english, but i took german in middle and high school, i took latin in high school as well, then took latin and ancient greek in college, and then after college i did a lot of looking into hungarian, vietnamese, a little bit of indonesian, turkish, and polish, and then recently i’ve been pretty focused on korean for obvious reasons. i speak none of those languages tho, lol. if i heard someone speaking some of those i could get the gist of what types of things theyre talking about most likely, but honestly my whole thing with languages is that im more interested in learning about the intricacies of how languages work and especially how they change over time than i am in actually learning the language. i’d love if my dumb adhd brain allowed me to focus hard enough and really commit to becoming fluent in a second language because so far i’ve only steadily approached being barely conversational, i’ve never actually reached even that point yet lol. and being only fluent in english makes me feel like a stupid american lol. i pick up bits of language really easily, but the rigor of learning ALL the vocab and ALL the little details you need to become actually fluent is where i fall off. 

like whenever i go through an anime phase, i pick up lots and lots of japanese. like if they keep using a word i’ll see it in the subtitles and figure that it must mean that, and then i’ll pay attention to the endings they use and how they inflect it and i’ll make little inferences about what those signify, so then when i hear a word that i dont recognize but it has a grammatical ending that i know, i can infer the meaning of the word from context, and im going through this same learning process with korean now and it’s super super fun and i’m loving how much progress ive made (though i could have been making progress like three times as fast if i was actually taking a korean class)… but the actual work of learning common phrases, learning the sheer volume of vocab, all that stuff… yeah that’s where i fall off. so idk how fluent i’ll get in korean, but i’m down to find out, lol. maybe this is the one i’ll really try to focus on and achieve it with!

17. 10 favorite songs as of now: of all time????? um okay i cant possibly do that without spending a looong time thinking about it, so i’ll just do the first ten songs that come to my mind when i think of songs that i adore more than most others

keep the streets empty for me by fever ray

colossus by idles

watch it crash by streetlight manifesto

lucky girl by fazerdaze

realiti (demo) by grimes

egoist by loona (olivia hye)

picky picky by weki meki

mother by idles

peekaboo by red velvet

hi high by loona

18. if you were an animal: red panda maybe haha

19. favorite food: pizza cause im a garbage trash person

20. random fact: idk... if yall couldnt tell and didnt already know this, i’m a linguist haha. i went to school for linguistics, i majored in linguistics and classics (latin, ancient greek, etc) though honestly i was only into the languages, roman and greek history is cool and all but not really what i’m most into. majoring in classics was a mistake lol but oh well. i didnt end up graduating though because of unrelated reasons.... adhd, depression, just a general sense that the way the whole system works just wasnt made for me and it didnt click with me and ive never been good at forcing myself to be good at school... and like i was tired of hearing from professors that i have “a very organized mind when it comes to linguistics stuff” (something a greek professor said that meant a lot to me) or that i “understand how language works better than most other students my age” and that im a natural and that its impressive how nuanced my understanding of these concepts is.... while also failing or almost failing all of the classes whose professors said that about me. like basically all those statements were followed by a “, but” or a “, so if you just-”.... sigh. so i guess i’m not “actually” a linguist. whatever “actually” means there. 

so other random fact i guess, which is still related but anyway... i have a conlang! that’s a constructed language. ive been working on a language for like 6 or 7 years. its at a state right now where it’s not really something i can just like... speak? it was at one point, maybe. but basically what i like to do is try out various ideas i have about language and phonology and morphology, so my language is kind of like a sandbox lol. if youre a scientist you conduct experiments, if youre a linguist i think you should try making a conlang. its not a common hobby but its something i spend an unconscionable amount of time thinking about lol. like basically 24/7. i’m almost always thinking about my word for x thing im seeing or thinking about, or like some sound change i heard that some language had, and how that would sound if applied to the words in my language... 

like the reason my language isnt at a point right now where i can speak it is because getting into korean has made me think about massively reconfiguring how the grammar works. its always been kinda like latin and german, cause those are what i was taking when i started, and then it got kinda like ancient greek, so the grammar has/had a lot of complicated conjugations that are just honestly so superfluous... its such a mess lol... i have a much better understanding of how those systems come about in language now, so even if i remake my language to have verb conjugations like latin or greek, it’d be a much more coherent and natural system than the one thats existed in my language for years... but after learning about hungarian and korean in particular, i really wanna try making it a lot more logical like those languages are. but my big thing is phonology (speech sounds), so i just get hung up on sound changes and cool new consonants and vowels to add, so i keep putting off actually fixing my language lol. also ive become attached to my awful, amateurish words haha. im so bad at this... a real conlanger like tolkien or the dude who made the languages for game of thrones would look at mine and scoff haha. most of my words are just straight up stolen from words in latin, german, many others, but predominantly... english. i just mangle english words and call it my own lol, and ive been trying to replace those words with original ones that i made up arbitrarily... like my word for nose is just “nass” and my word for dog is “handir” which is just based on english “hound” and german “Hund” and stuff lol. i wanna change those

21. my aesthetic: if you actually read this long ass post, you know that my aesthetic is just “too much information” but not in a sexy way or even an interesting way

[suchagiantnerd]

54 Books, 1 Year

2018 was my first full year back at work after my mat leave, and thanks to all the time I spend on the subway, my yearly reading total is back up to over 50 books!

2018 was a dark year, and I made a conscious effort to read more books from authors on the margins of society. The more those of us with privilege take the time to listen to and learn from these voices, the better we’ll be as friends, colleagues and citizens.

You’ll also notice a lot of books about witchcraft and witches in this year’s list. What can I say? Dark times call for resorting to ANYTHING that can help dig us out of our current reality, including putting a hex on Donald Trump.

Trigger Warning: Some of the books reviewed below are about mental illness, suicide, domestic violence, sexual assault, and violence against people of colour, Indigenous people and people in the LGBTQ community.

Here are this year’s mini reviews:

1.       The Lottery and Other Stories / Shirley Jackson

Jackson’s short stories were published in the late forties and fifties, but their slow-burning creep factor holds up today. The stories involve normal people doing normal things until something small gives, and we realize something is really wrong here. As you read through the collection, take note of the mysterious man in blue. He appears in about half of the stories, always in the margins of the action. Who is he? I read him as a bit of a trickster figure, bringing chaos and mayhem with him wherever he goes. Other people have read him as the devil himself. Let me know what you think!

2.       The Ship / Antonia Honeywell

I was excited to read this YA novel about a giant cruise ship-turned-ark, designed and captained by the protagonist Lalla’s father in a dystopic near future. The premise of the book is great and brings up lots of juicy questions – where is the ship going? How long can the passengers survive together in a confined space? How did Lalla’s father choose who got to board the ship? But the author’s execution was a disappointment and focused far too much on Lalla’s inner turmoil and immaturity.

3.       The Hot One: A Memoir of Friendship, Sex and Murder / Carolyn Murnick

My book club read this true crime memoir detailing the intense, adolescent friendship between Carolyn, the author, and Ashley, who was murdered in her home in her early 20s a few years after the girls’ friendship fizzled. Murnick is understandably destroyed by the murder and obsessed with the killer’s trial. The narrative loops back and forth between the trial and the girls’ paths, which diverged sharply after Ashley moved away in high school. Murnick (the self-proclaimed nerdy one) muses on the intricacies of female friendship, growing up under the microscope of the male gaze, and the last weekend she ever spent with Ashley (the hot one). This is an emotional, detailed account of a woman trying her best to bear witness to her friend’s horrific death and to honour who she was in life.

4.       The Break / Katherena Vermette

Somebody is brutally attacked on a cold winter night in Winnipeg, and Stella, a young Métis woman and tired new mother is the only witness – and even she isn’t sure what she saw. The police investigation into the attack puts a series of events in motion that make long-buried emotions bubble to the surface and ripple outwards to touch a number of people in the community, including an Indigenous teenager recently released from a youth detention center, one of the investigating officers (a Métis man walking a fine line between two worlds), and an artist. This is a tough read, especially in the era of #MMIW and #MeToo, but all the more important because of it.

5.       So You Want to Talk About Race / Ijeoma Oluo

Probably the most important book I read this year, I will never stop recommending this read to anyone and everyone. This is your Allyship 101 syllabus right here, folks. Do you really want to do better and be better as an ally? Then you need to read every chapter closely and start implementing the lessons learned right away. This book will teach you about tone policing, microaggressions and privilege, and how all of those things are harmful to people of colour and other marginalized communities.

6.       The Accusation / Bandi

This is a collection of short stories by a North Korean man (written under a pseudonym for his protection as he still lives there). The stories were actually smuggled out of the country for publication by a family friend. The characters in these stories are regular people living regular lives (as much as that is possible in North Korea). What really comes across is the fine line between laughter and tears while living under the scrutiny of a dangerous regime. There are several scenes where people laugh uncontrollably because they can’t cry, and where people start to cry because they can’t laugh. This book offers a rare perspective into a hidden world.

7.       Being Jazz: My Life as a (Transgender) Teen / Jazz Jennings

Some of you will be familiar with Jazz via the TLC show about her and her family, “I Am Jazz”. I’d never seen it but was inspired to read the book to gain a better understanding about what coming out as trans as a child is like. Jazz came out to her family at 5 years old (!) and her parents and siblings have had her back from the beginning. If you are still having a tough time understanding that trans women are women, full stop, this book will help get you there.

8.       A Field Guide to Getting Lost / Rebecca Solnit

When it comes to the books that gave me “all the feels”, this one tops the 2018 list. Solnit is everything - historian, writer, philosopher, culture lover, explorer. Her mind is always making connections and as you follow her through her labyrinthine thoughts you start to feel connected too. Her words on loss, nostalgia and missing a person/place/time actually made me cry, they were so true. For me, an agnostic leaning towards atheism, she illuminated the magic in the everyday that made me feel more spiritually rooted to life than I have in a long time.

9.       I Found You / Lisa Jewell

Lots of weird and bad things seem to happen in British seaside towns, don’t they? This is another psychological thriller, à la “The Girl on the Train” and “Gone Girl”. One woman finds a man sitting on the beach one morning. He has no idea who he is or how he got there. Miles away, another woman wakes up one morning to find her husband has vanished. Is the mystery man on the beach the missing husband? Dive into this page-turner and find out!

10.   The Midnight Sun / Cecilia Ekbäck

This novel is the sequel to a historical Swedish noir book I read a few years ago. Though it’s not so much a sequel, as it is a novel taking place in the same setting – Blackasen Mountain in Lapland. This story actually takes place about a hundred years after the first novel does, so it can be read on its own. Ekbäck’s stories dive into the effect of place on people – whether it’s the isolation of a harsh and long winter or the mental havoc caused by the midnight sun on sleep patterns, the people on Blackasen Mountain are always strained and ready to explode. (Oh, and there’s also a bit of the supernatural happening on this mountain too – but just a bit!)

11.   After the Bloom / Leslie Shimotakahara

Strained mother-daughter relationships. The PTSD caused by immigration and then being detained in camps in your new home. Fraught romances. Shimotakahara’s novel tackles all of this and more. Taking place in two times – 1980s Toronto and a WWII Japanese internment camp in the California desert – this story of loss, hardship, betrayal and family is both tragic and hopeful.

12.   Company Town / Madeline Ashby

In this Canadian dystopian tale, thousands of people live in little cities built on the oil rigs off the coast of Newfoundland. Hwa works as a bodyguard for the family that owns the rigs and is simultaneously trying to protect the family’s youngest child from threats, find out who is killing her sex-worker friends, mourn her brother (who died in a rig explosion), and work through her own self-esteem issues. Phew! If it sounds like too much, it is. I really did like this book, but I think it needed tighter editing and focus.

13.   The Power / Naomi Alderman

In the near-future, women and girls all over the world develop the ability to send electrical shocks out of their hands. With this newfound power, society’s gender power imbalance starts to flip. The U.S. military scrambles to try and work this to their advantage. A new religious movement starts to grow. And Tunde, a Nigerian photographer (and a dude!) travels the world, trying to document it all. This is an exciting novel that seriously asks, “what if?” in which many of the key characters cross paths.

14.   Milk and Honey / Rupi Kaur

Everyone’s reading it, so I had to too! Kaur’s poems are refreshing and healing, and definitely accessible. This is poetry for the people, for women, for daughters, mothers and sisters. These are poems about how women make themselves small and quiet, about our inner anger, about sacrifice, longing and love.

15.   Tell It to the Trees / Anita Rau Badami

In the dead of winter in small-town B.C., the body of big-city writer Anu is found outside of the Dharmas’ house, frozen to death. Anu had been renting their renovated shed, working on a novel in seclusion. As we get to know the Dharmas – angry and controlling Vikram, his quiet and frightened wife Suman, the two children, and the ghost of Vikram’s first wife, Helen, we feel more and more uneasy. Was Anu’s death just a tragic accident, or something else entirely? There is a touch of “The Good Son” in this novel…

16.   You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life / Jen Sincero

This book was huge last year and my curiosity got the better of me. But I can’t, I just can’t subscribe to this advice! All of this stuff about manifesting whatever you want reeks of privilege and is just “The Secret” repackaged for millennials and Gen-Z. Thank u, next!

17.   All the Things We Never Knew: Chasing the Chaos of Mental Illness / Sheila Hamilton

Shortly after a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, Hamilton’s husband, David, took his own life after years of little signs and indicators that something wasn’t right. Her memoir, in the aftermath of his death, is a reckoning, a tribute, and a warning to others. In it, she details the fairy tale beginning of their relationship (but even then, there were signs), the birth of their only child, and the rocky path that led to his final choice. Hamilton’s story doesn’t feel exploitative to me. It’s an important piece in the global conversation about mental health and includes lots of facts and statistics too.

18.   This Is How It Always Is / Laurie Frankel

This is a beautiful novel about loving your family members for who they are and about the tough choices parents have to make when it comes to protecting their children. Rosie and Penn have five boys (that this modern couple has five children is the most unbelievable part of the plot, frankly), but at five years old, their youngest, Claude, tells the family that he is a girl. Claude changes her name to Poppy, and Rosie and Penn decide to move the whole family to more inclusive Seattle to give Poppy a fresh start in life. Of course, the move has consequences on the other four children as well, and we follow everybody’s ups and downs over the years as they adjust and adapt to their new reality.

19.   Dumplin’ / Julie Murphy

While I didn’t love the writing or any of the characters, I do need to acknowledge the importance of this YA novel in showing a fat teenager as happy and confident in who she is. Willowdean Dickson has a job, a best friend and a passion for Dolly Parton. She also catches the attention of cute new kid, Bo, and a sweet summer romance develops between the two (with all of the miscommunications and misunderstandings you’d expect in a YA plot). This is an important book in the #RepresentationMatters movement, and is now a Netflix film if you want to skip the read!

20.   Kintu / Jennifer Nansubuga Makumbi

This was touted as “the great Ugandan novel” and it did not disappoint! The first part of the novel takes place in 1754, as Kintu Kidda, leader of a clan, travels to the capital of Buganda (modern day Kampala) with his entourage to pledge allegiance to the new Kabaka. During the journey, tragedy strikes, unleashing a curse on Kintu’s descendants. The rest of the novel follows five modern-day Ugandans who are descended from Kintu’s bloodline and find themselves invited to a massive family reunion. As their paths cross and family histories unfold, will the curse be broken?

21.   The Child Finder / Rene Denfeld

I bought this at the airport as a quick and thrilling travel read, and that’s exactly what it was. Naomi is a private investigator with a knack for finding missing and kidnapped children. This is because she was once a kidnapped child herself. The plot moves back and forth in time between Naomi’s current case and her own escape and recovery. There was nothing exceptional about this book, but it’s definitely a page-turner.

22.   Difficult Women / Roxane Gay

Are the women in Gay’s short stories actually difficult? Or has a sexist, racist world made things difficult for them? I think you know what my answer is. The stories are at times beautiful - like the fairy tale about a woman made of glass, and at times violent and visceral – like a number of stories about hunting and butchering. Women are everything and more.

23.   My Education / Susan Choi

I suggested this novel to my book club and I will always regret it. This was my least favourite read of the year. I thought it was going to be about a sexy and inappropriate threesome or love triangle between a student, her professor, and his wife. Instead it had a few very unsexy sex scenes and hundreds and hundreds of pages about the minutiae of academic life. I can’t see anyone enjoying this book except English professors and grad students.

24.   Hope in the Dark: Untold Histories, Wild Possibilities / Rebecca Solnit

This series of essays was a balm to my soul after Ford won the provincial election. It reminded me that history is full of steps forward and steps back, and though things look bleak right now, there are millions of us around the world trying to make positive changes in big and little ways as we speak.

25.   The Woman in Cabin 10 / Ruth Ware

Another novel in the vein of “The Woman on the Train”, that is, a book featuring a young, female, unreliable narrator. Lo knows what she saw – or does she? There was a woman in the now empty Cabin 10 – or was there? And also, Lo hasn’t been eating or sleeping. But she’s been drinking a lot and not taking her medication. I’m kind of done with this genre – anyone else?

26.   My Brilliant Friend / Elena Ferrante

After hearing many intelligent women praise this novel (the first in a four-part series), my book club decided to give it a try. I didn’t fall in love with it, but I was sufficiently intrigued by the intense and passionate friendship between Lila and Lenu, two young girls growing up in post-war Naples, that I will likely read the whole series. Many claim that no writer has managed to capture the intricacy of female friendship the way that Ferrante has.

27.   The Turquoise Table: Finding Community and Connection in Your Own Front Yard / Kristin Schell

This is Schell’s non-fiction account of how she started Austin’s turquoise table movement (which has now spread further into other communities). Schell was feeling disconnected from her immediate community, so she painted an old picnic table a bright turquoise, moved it into her front yard, and started sitting out there some mornings, evenings and weekends - sometimes alone, and sometimes with her family. Neighbours started to gather for chats, snacks, card games, and more. People got to know each other on a deeper level and friendships bloomed. This book is a nice reminder that small actions matter. A small warning though – Schell is an evangelical Christian, and I didn’t know this before diving in. There is a focus on Christianity in the book, and though it’s not quite preachy, it’s very in-your-face.

28.   Sing, Unburied, Sing / Jesmyn Ward

This was hands-down my favourite novel of the year. It’s a lingering and haunting look at the generational trauma carried by the descendants of those who were enslaved and lived during the Jim Crow era. One part road trip novel, one part ghost story, the plot follows a fractured, multi-racial family as they head into the broken heart of Mississippi to pick up the protagonist’s father, who has just been released from prison.

29.   Full Disclosure / Beverley McLachlin

This is the first novel by Canada’s former Chief Justice, Beverley McLachlin. As someone who works in the legal industry and has heard her speak, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on this. But, with all due respect to one of the queens, the book was very ‘meh’. The plot was a little over the top, the characters weren’t sufficiently fleshed out, and I felt that the backdrop of the Robert Pickton murders was somewhat exploitative and not done respectfully. Am I being more critical of this novel than I might otherwise be because the author is so intelligent? Likely yes, so you can take this review with a grain of salt.

30.   The Long Way Home / Louise Penny

This is the 10th novel in Penny’s Inspector Gamache mystery series. As ever, I fell in love with her descriptions of Quebec’s beauty, the small town of Three Pines, and the delicious food the characters are always eating. Penny’s books are the definition of cozy.

31.��  In the Skin of a Lion / Michael Ondaatje

Ondaatje has the gift of writing novels that read like poetry, and this story is no exception. Taking place in Toronto during construction of the Don Valley bridge and the RC Harris water treatment plant, the plot follows a construction worker, a young nun, an explosives expert, a business magnate and an actress as they maneuver making a life for themselves in the big city and changing ideas about class and gender.

32.   The Story of a New Name / Elena Ferrante

This is the second novel in Ferrante’s four-part series about the complicated life-long friendship between Lila and Lenu. In this installment, the women navigate first love, marriage, post-secondary education, first jobs and new motherhood.

33.   The Happiness Project / Gretchen Rubin

In this memoir / self-help book, Rubin studies the concept of happiness and implements a new action or practice each month of the year that is designed to increase her happiness levels. Examples include practicing gratitude, going to bed earlier, making time for fun and learning something new. Her journey inspired me to make a few tweaks to my life during a difficult time, and I do think they’ve made me more appreciative of what I have (which I think is a form of happiness?)

34.   The Virgin Suicides / Jeffrey Eugenides

I loved the film adaptation of this novel when I was a teenager, but I’d never actually read it until my book club selected it. Eugenides paints a glimmering, ethereal portrait of the five teenaged Lisbon sisters living a suffocating half-life at the hands of their overly protective and religious parents. The story is told through the eyes of the neighbourhood boys who longed for them from a distance and learned about who they were through snatched telephone calls, passed notes and one tragic suburban basement party.

35.   Time’s Convert / Deborah Harkness

This is a supernatural fantasy novel that takes place in the same universe of witches, vampires and daemons as Harkness’ All Souls trilogy. The plot follows the romance between centuries-old vampire Marcus, who came of age during the American Civil War, and human Phoebe, who begins her own transformation into a vampire so that she and Marcus can be together forever.

36.   The Saturday Night Ghost Club / Craig Davidson

Were you a fan of the TV show “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” If yes, this novel is for you. Davidson explores the blurred line between real-life tragedy and ghost story over the course of one summer in 1980s Niagara Falls. A coming-of-age novel that’s somehow sweet, funny and sad all at once, this story delves into the aftershocks of trauma and the way we heal the cracks in families.

37.   Oh Crap! Potty Training: Everything Modern Parents Need to Know to Do It Once and Do It Right / Jamie Glowacki

I hoped this was the book for us, but I don’t think it was. Some of the tips were great, but others really didn’t work for us. The other issue is that the technique in this book is much better suited to kids staying at home with a caregiver, not kids in daycare.

38.   The Witch Doesn’t Burn in This One / Amanda Lovelace

This is a collection of poetry about women’s anger, women’s long memories and strength in sisterhood. It’s accessible, emotional and a bit of a feminist rallying cry. As someone who is obsessed with the Salem witch trials, I also loved the historical backdrop to the poems.

39.   The Rules of Magic / Alice Hoffman

I love to read seasonally, and this prequel to “Practical Magic” was a perfect October book. Remember Jet and Franny, the old, quirky aunts from the movie? This novel describes their upbringing, along with that of their brother Vincent, as the three siblings discover their powers and try to out-maneuver the Owens family curse.

40.   Witch: Unleased. Untamed. Unapologetic. / Lisa Lister

This book has a very sleek, appealing cover. Holding it made me feel magical. Reading it really disappointed me. From Lister’s almost outright transphobia to her unedited, repetitive style, this was a huge disappointment and I don’t recommend it.

41.   The Death of Mrs. Westaway / Ruth Ware

I liked this novel a lot more than Ware’s other novel, “The Woman in Cabin 10”. Crumbling English manor homes, long-buried family evils and people trapped together by snowstorms are my jam.

42.   Weirdo / Cathi Unsworth

Another British seaside town, another grisly murder. Jumping back and forth between a modern-day private investigation and the parental panic around cults and Satanism in the 1980s, Unsworth unpacks the darkness lurking within a small community and the way society’s outcasts are often used as scapegoats. The creep factor grows as the story unfolds.

43.   Mabon: Rituals, Recipes and Lore for the Autumn Equinox / Diana Rajchel

And so begins my witchy education. I have to admit, I really liked learning about the historical pagan celebrations and superstitions surrounding harvest time. I also liked reading about spells and incantations… ooooOOOOoooo!

44.   From Here to Eternity: Travelling the World to Find the Good Death / Caitlin Doughty

In North America, we are so removed from death that we are unequipped to process it when someone close to us dies. But this doesn’t have to be the case. In this non-fiction account, Doughty, a mortician based in L.A., travels the world learning about the business of death, the cultural customs around mortality, and the rituals of care and compassion for the deceased in ten different places. It seems that the closer we are to death, the less we’ll fear it, and the better-equipped we’ll be to process loss and grief in healthy ways.

45.   Samhain: Rituals, Recipes and Lore for Halloween / Diana Rajchel

Did you know that Samhain is actually pronounced “Sow-en”? I didn’t until I read this book, and felt very intelligent indeed, when later, while watching “The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina” on Netflix, the head witch pronounced the word as “Sam-hain”, destroying the writers’ credibility in one instant. I am a witch now.

46.   See What I Have Done / Sarah Schmidt

This novel is a retelling of the Lizzie Borden murders, illuminated through four characters – Lizzie herself, the Borden’s maid Bridget, Lizzie’s sister, and a mysterious man hired the day before the murders by Lizzie’s uncle to intimidate Mr. Borden (one of the murder victims). I knew very little about the murders before reading this book, but this version of the tale strongly suggests that Lizzie really is the murderer. Unhinged, childlike, selfish and manipulative, I hated her so much and felt awful for everyone that had to live in her orbit.

47.   The Nature of the Beast / Louise Penny

In the 11th installment of Penny’s Inspector Gamache mystery series, she sets the story up with a parallel to the boy who cried wolf and introduces us to her first killer without a soul. Crimes of passion and greed abound in Penny’s universe, but a crime of pure, cold evil? This is a first.

48.   How Are You Going to Save Yourself? / J.M. Holmes

This is a powerful collection of short stories about what it’s like to be a Black man in America right now. It’s about Black male friendship, fathers and sons, outright racism and dealing with a lifetime of microaggressions. Holmes makes some risky and bold decisions with his characters, even playing into some of the harmful stereotypes about Black men while subverting some of the others. This book really stayed with me. One disturbing story in particular I kept turning around and around in my mind for days afterward.

49.   Split Tooth / Tanya Tagaq

This is a beautiful story about a young Inuit girl growing up in Nunavut in the 1970s, combining gritty anecdotes about bullying, friendship, family and addiction with Inuit myth, legend, and the magic of the Arctic. The most evocative and otherworldly scenes in the novel took place under the Northern Lights and left me kind of mesmerized.

50.   Motherhood / Sheila Heti

Heti’s book is a work of fiction styled as a memoir, during which the protagonist, nearing her 40s, weighs the pros and cons of having a baby. I’ve maybe never felt so “seen” by an author before. I agonized over the decision about whether to have a baby for years before finally making a decision. The unsatisfying, but freeing conclusion that both the author and I came to is that for many of us there is no right choice (but no wrong choice either).

51.   The Mistletoe Murder and Other Stories / P.D. James

This is a short collection of James’ four “Christmas-y” mysteries published over the course of a number of years. It was a perfect cozy read to welcome the holiday season.

52.   The Christmas Sisters / Sarah Morgan

Morgan’s story is a Hallmark holiday movie in book form. A family experiencing emotional turmoil at Christmas? Check. Predictable romances, old and new? Check. A beautiful, festive setting? Check. (In this case, it’s a rustic inn nestled in the Scottish Highlands). This novel is fluff, but the most delightful kind.

53.   Jonny Appleseed / Joshua Whitehead

Jonny is a Two-Spirit Ojibway-Cree person who leaves the reservation in his early 20s to escape his community’s homophobia and make it in the city. Making ends meet as a cybersex worker, the action begins when he has to scrape together enough cash to make it home to the “rez” (and all the loose ends he left behind there) for a funeral. The emotional heart of the novel are Jonny’s relationships with his kokum (grandmother) and his best friend / part-time lover Tias.

54.   Yule: Rituals, Recipes and Lore for the Winter Solstice / Susan Pesznecker

Do you folks believe that I’m a witch now? I am, okay? I even spoke an incantation to Old Mother Winter while staring into the flame of a candle after reading this book.

55.   Half Spent Was the Night: A Witches’ Yuletide / Ami McKay

Old-timey witches? At Christmas time? At an elaborate New Year’s Eve masked ball? Be still my heart. This novella was just what I wanted to read in those lost days between Christmas and New Year’s. You’ll appreciate it even more if you’ve already read Ami McKay’s previous novel “The Witches of New York”, as it features the same characters.

[pen-tagon-wvja-blog]

DON'T FALL(jungkook high school au)

Jungkook high school au Genre: high school au(fluff) Word count:…who knows? Paring:jungkook and reader(y/n) Summary: You are in a very popular kpop group called Krushed and jungkook is in BTS. You’re around 18(because your the maknae). You have to learn korean in order to move to korea and go to a korean school. Lets just say that going to the same school and entainment building as flirty jeon jungkook is, as you expected…..hard..

CHAPTER: 1 Part:½

Besides being half english and half korean, in the last two years a lot has happened. Such as living in LA (speaking english), to being forced to audition for bighit entertainment and being in your own kpop group, causing you to live in seoul (speaking korean). You have just done your comeback so you have more time at school; and you don’t know if that is a bad or good thing yet. You go to a school where most kpop artists go because its a overall art school which covers the subjects of art, dance, drama, photography, vocal and music. You didnt mind having to walk to school as was only a couple of streets away which is great because if you wear a mask not many people will recognise you. You knew some of the kpop artists and trainee’s in your classes and you werent in a class without your best friend, Momo. Apart from art, your favourite class was photography, but lunch time is the best.

In your kpop group there were 5 members: Yeonjoo- Leader, oldest, sensible, vocal Taeyoon- Lead dancer, tomboy, main rapper Yura- 4D and silly, vocal, friendly Happi- happy?!, dancer, vocal, cute, energetic Hyunji- vocal, dancer, sleepy and lazy Y/N- main vocal, main dancer, main face, flexible, shy, a bit of rap SIGH! You got along with all of the members but with taeyoon you could tell her anything anything and she would understand, she knew you inside out, you could trust her. You were worried about if people would like you, so you usually look your self up on the internet and people are usually nice but they all find it cute how you and taeyoon are so comfortable around each other, like when you casually just layed sprawled across her on the sofa.

Sadly you got woken up by water being thrown on your face by yeonjoo.“Wake up y/n…. sorry, i even tried tickling your tummy” were the first words you heard that morning. “Why are you like this?!” You replied with a groan while rubbing the water of your face and the sleep out of your eyes. “You should be excited becuase its your first day at your new school!“she said. “I’m sorry to burst your bubble but i’m not excited at all, if anything i’m sort of nervous.” It was true, it had to be said that you were nervous but when you said that you thouht to yourself that anyone would feel like that…its normal. “Don’t be, you’ll be fine. Here get ready. ” she declared while dumping my school uniform on my head. Yeonjoo was like a mum to the group, as none of us lived with our real mums, she took that place and made it her job to take care of us. UUUUURRRRGGGGGHHHHHH You had to wake up. As you opened your eyes, you realised that the school uniform was BRIGHT YELLOW!! just think positive. Anyway yellow could be the new fashion…….pppfftt……NO!! You decised to get it over with. At least you didnt look like a banana, it looked okay..ish. As you were the youngest you still had to go to school while all the other lazy members layed on theirs buts all day except when they have to open the door for the take-away man to give them their unhealthy lunch. You did your morning routine and headed to the living room which had hyunji laying face down on the carpet. You carried her to her room and layed her dow on her bed said bye and went to have breakfast. You had breakfast, brushed your teeth and grabbed your bag ready to go. Finally you shouted “BYE UNNIES!” And left. As you were halfway down the flat stairs you realised that you had forgotten your mask so you had to go back and get it. “ IM GONNA BE LATE!” So you ran to the dorm and back after grabbing your mask and putting it on.

《~Jungkooks POV~》

Jungkook practically had the same morning, with that he got water chucked on him, told to get ready, got ready, went, forgot his dancing clothes, went back, got them, and was late. “Well done jungkook!” He said to himself sarcasticlly.

《~ Y/N POV ~》

As you nervously tried to find the location of the school, your hands turned sweaty. Finally after a long search you found it and said “you can do this y/n” to yourself. Then you confidently strolled into the school looking like you were meant to be late. You tried to find the reception so they could take you to your class. YESSSS!! They have signs up!! You followed the signs untill you reached the counter of reception. They told you what class you were in, gave you your timetable and a vague direction of where to go. Squinting your eyes to try and figure out what the worn out signs said above each door, was a difficult task. Uuurrrgghhh they werent in any specific order, which wasnt helping. Aa-ha! You found one that looks like your class number so you knocked on the door politely and waited for an answer. You got an answer and went in. “Excuse me sir but is this class 18 because as im new i cant really read the worn out signs very well.“you said while gulping because all the eyes were on you. “Its okay, im sorry but this isnt class 18. Class 18 is just round the corner, i could get someone to take you if you like?” He said kindly and you replied with “Yes please sir”.

《~jungkooks POV~》

You werent running to school because you had a nice homeroom teacher who lets you off because your an idol. If you were really late, you would just say that there was lots of fans outside and if there wasnt then no one would disagree because people knew not to mess with you. As you casually strolled into school with no worries you saw something that stopped your movements completely. A girl. Not any girl but it just had to be a transfer student that was lost and looking really cute because she couldnt find her classroom. But this time she was REEEEEAAAAALLLYY pretty, like heart stopping pretty. And you being the flirty jeon jungkook you were, decided to go talk to her and help her find her class. Lets g–. Suddenly you felt that legs wouldnt move even if you willed them to move…they didnt. Uurrgghh why now?! You completely froze! Come on brain….ENGAGE! Then you realised that she was walking away from you…your eyes widened. She was going to YOUR classroom! She knocked, waited then turned the handle. It was like as if everything was in slow motion. You removed your headphones that were now playing sad music…typical. You knew you were a flirter and you admitted it, you did it for fun but this time was no fun, this was dead serious. You were in love… TRUE love. And not any part of you could deny it, you had fallen for this mystery girl who looks foriegn…. but what if you dont speak her language?! Aaaahh i bet namjoon hyung will speak her language… *sigh*urgh jungkook wake up you havent even spoken to her yet, GET A GRIP!! You kind of recognise her though…

《~Y/N POV~》

“Yes please sir” you replied politely. Suddenly it hit you, you were an idol thats why they were all staring at you! “Hhhhmmmmm, Ah! Taehyung! Would you like to go and take this student to class 18?” He asked one of his students. Because you were too busy talking to yourself you forgot to look around the class. You looked around the class and your eyes imediatly landed on the tall boy at the back who was asleep whith his head against the window, mouth wide open. You scoffed quietly and waited for a responce from the student that is so called taehyung. WAIT! like KIM taehyung, THE kim taehyung…from bts!? WAIT. You looked at the sleeping student and stared at his face intensly with wide eyes. IT WAS TAEHYUNG!!! “TAEHYUUUUNG!!“said the teacher obviously annoyed at the fact that he got no responce. You looked at the teacher and saw that he was looking at the same boy you were looking at! The cute kpop idol woke up with his back straight and eyes wide open and looking straight at you. You felt a bit centered so you broke the intense gaze that he created. "Yes sir?” He answered while finally breaking the gaze between you and him and looked at the teacher in question. “I wouldnt like you to sleep in my class but i would like you to take this new student to class 18 please.” He declared which you sneered at. STOOOPP! That means that taehyung will be taking me and me only around the school with no one watching us. WE WILL BE ALONE!!! eeeekkk! “Yes sir” he said with his big box smile on. To be honest you had huge crushes on taehyung and jungkook, you just didnt show it in order to seem respectful to your sunbaes. Taehyung took his precious time going down the middle of seats. But before he finished his admirable walk he banged his foot on the leg of a table. Wow, real smooth. “Ow.” He said like it didnt even hurt when he was making a face that said it hurt a lot. Reaching where you were standing he gave you a sly wink when he walked past and the teacher wasnt looking. OOOMMMMMGGGOOOSSSHHH!!!!! TAEHYUNG JUST WINKED AT ME……AAAAHHHH!!! You were silently fangirling on the inside but on the outside you were blushing sooooo hard. You told your cheecks to calm down but they didnt. You didnt have many friends at your old school, only close ones but when they heard you were a trainee they all wanted to be your friend. Typical. The reason you didnt have many friends is because you were naturally cold hearted towards new people. You probably didnt notice but you were being cold towards taehyung and you couldnt help it even though you practically knew him inside out. Back to reality. Taehyung walked past you and he purposely brushed his hand against yours while reaching for the door handle. You were totally fangirling inside yourself. You still couldnt believe that TAEHYUNG was beside you. It looked as though taehyung didnt recognise you which is good because if he did then he might treat you differently. When he was leaning past you, you took in his scent and it smelt manly but friendly at the same time. You loved it so much. After that he opened the door with ease and held it open, signalling for you to go through. ‘Such a gentleman’ you thought. You walked through without a smile and stopped outside, waiting for him to direct you where to go.

《~jungkook POV~》

It was true though, you did recognise her. You stood there thinking about how she would react if you flirt with her, but if you flirt with her she might not like it and therefore not like me, I’ll probably come across as too in her face, confident and needy so lets not do that. By now your legs could move and you could go in your classroom, sit next to her, know her name and dream about her. You started to walk in the direction of your classroom untill when you were about 5 metres away from the door you saw her walk out after someone opened the door for her. Maybe she got the wrong classroom, i mean the signs arent very clear. Then you were about to walk up to her and say hi untill you saw who walked out after her….taehyung. Dont get me wrong i like taehyung because we are best friends but this time you got a bit annoyed about him being with your girl. What are you thinking!? She is not your girl, stop dreaming jungkook. Although it would be nice if she was… YAH!! stop it!

《~y/n POV~》

After taehyung came out after you, he said “this way” and heads in the direct to your right. He leads the way and after 2 seconds he stops which makes you bump into his back. You rub your nose and look around taehyungs body to see a boy staring.WAIT!!!!! IS THAT JEON JUNGKOOK??!! OOO MMMMM GGGOOOSSSHHH!!! IT IS !! You blushed while standing behind taehyung but peaking around him with wide eyes to see 2 of your crushes. Jungkook just stood there staring but you couldnt tell who he was staring at yet untill taehyung spoke. “Oh!! Jungkookie!! What are you doing here?, are you late for the hundredth time?” Taehyung took steps towards jungkook and embraced him in a ‘man hug’. jungkook didnt say anything and stood there with his mouth slightly agape, still staring. But this time he was staring over taehyungs shoulder at you. Inside you were screaming so hard and trying not to scream outloud. [He was staring like he is in my profile picture]. AAAHH 2 BIASES IN ONE TOGETHER TAEKOOK.!!….AHHH. WAIT!! he might have recognised you as you were both kpop idols! Oh no! WAIT STAY CALM, JUST CALM DOWN CHEEKS GO ON YOU CAN DO IT. GO BACK TO NORMAL. You think your cheeks have gone back to normal so you instantly bow and say “hello jungkook sunbae, i am y/n” aaaaahhhh you let sunbae slip out of your mouth, that means he will know that you are a kpop artist. NOOO! So you covered it up with “i mean hello jungkook ssi, i am y/n”. At this piont jungkook looks really confused and so does taehyung because of your mistake. “How do you know me?"he asked piontlessly. "Um jungkook if you havent noticed, your a kpop idol…practically everybody knows you.” You answered casually. Suddenly taehyung burst out laughing at the fact that jungkook still had a shocked face on. You started to giggle too, i mean how could you not when taehyung is snorting. After all the laughter we all calmed down and stood staring at each other so you decided to break the silence. “Taehyung was just showing me to my classroom, what were you doing jungkook-ssi?” “Just going to my classroom” he said calmly. That was the first thing that you have heard his say in real life instead of through a tv screen. WoW. “Anyway…y/n… lets go” taehyung said as he put both his hands on each of my shoulders and lead me through many doors while chatting untill i said “didnt sir say it was just around the corner?” “Yes he did but we are going the long way.” He confirmed. “Why?” I asked confused. “Well truly because i wanted to spend more time with you” he said and after slightly blushing. “Really, why?” “Well because i thought you were like jungkook. 1: because you were really shy, 2: because your cold at first but cute on the inside.” “YAHH! You think i am cute on the inside?” “See? You werent like this earlier because you were cold on the outside.” “I see…. then your like a hyeena!.. 1:because your hair is brown, 2: because you have big ears and 3 because you laugh a lot!” “ummmm, thank you?…. anyway would you like to sit with me at lunch?"he asked curiously. "Of course!” Your walk came to an end and at the last step you took taehyung grabbed your hand and looked straight into your eyes. “Y/N when class finishes and its time for lunch, wait outside here and DO NOT move because i will come to show you where the canteen is…okay?” “Yes” was all you could say becuase you were still over whelmed that he was holding both you hands!!!! AAAHHHH!! *fangirling inside* “promise?” Taehyung asked with a serious face.“promise."you confirmed."okay, see ya later” he said while giving your hands a little squeeze and walking away. YOU COULD LITERALLY FAINT RN AAHH!!He was holding my hands!! You had to compose yourself before going in and introducing yourself. The rest of your classes went by like a blur and it was soon lunchtime. And as taehyung told you to do, you waited outside the class….

*TO BE CONTINUED*

Authors note: I dont expect many people to read this fanfic but oh well. I will be proud of myself for getting 1 like. Wow i used a lot of capitals in this chapter! I am too tired to finish this off so i split it into 2 parts and left it on a cliffhanger. Hehe lol😜😏thats it, im finished…😊 Ep 2 should be done by 20th February 2017 Dated: 11/1/17