#and i don't know how i'd get to work
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i have exactly 1 friend
#irl i mean#our post comrade.#i should ask her for help i guess. she offered a while ago for me to stay with her but i don't want to bother her.#and if it turns into a long term arrangement i don't know if she's a lgbt ally or not#and i don't know how i'd get to work#i don't know what to do. i don't know what to do.#i have two days and i don't see a way out#even dying is too hard.#suicide mention
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bring back zooterkins, the best 17th-century swear word
I don't normally do Just Characters Swearing, but. ...this kind of wrote itself and then wouldn't leave my head. it comes from both a piece of character-writing advice that has always stuck with me, and also my conviction that Leona is 1000% funnier as a character if his dialogue has to stay G-rated. let Kalim say fuck, but don't let Leona say bastard.
(I'm sorry)
#art#twisted wonderland#(sort of atemporally somewhere between episodes 6 and 7?)#(i - i wanted that lilia joke okay)#long post#tumblr went 'you can post up to 30 images now :)' and i was like well okay then#anyway once again i'm sorry#i'd say i don't know why i did this but actually it is because i wanted kalim to scandalize everyone#i tried to keep it...you know...tasteful. a tasteful amount of fucks.#hey remember how the framing premise for the original birthday interviews was that yuu worked for the school paper#because i have never forgotten. in my head they are still getting up to all kinds of wacky reporting hijinks.
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does science experiments on you (homoerotically)
#petra idk if you read tags but I was wondering how ok you were with people making comics esp since tigers is ongoing;;;#I assume jokey comics are probably fine but I don't know if gets iffier beyond that#I'd hate for you to feel like your work as a comic artist is being undermined!!#I tend to think Sequentially by default hehwhwerjwh#ANYWAY#wasnt sure if I was gonna post this FUCK IT WE BALL#tiger tiger#luck tiger tiger#ludo#ludovica bonnaire#my art
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Another year has passed, and with it the opportunity to reflect back on all that has happened. While my growth was not as dramatic as last year, I can still see lots of positive change.
I'll never have enough ways to say thank you for all the love and support you have given me this year. On to 2025!
(2023 summary here!)
#poorly drawn mdzs#art summary#Since last year's independent variable was PD-WWX; this year I used Lan Wangji.#Unfortunately his appearances were not very evenly distributed this year! Lots of LWJ's early in the year#then a dead period in the middle. He is forever my silly rabbit. I love drawing him!#If I have to put a label on this year; I'd describe it as 'experimental'. I pushed myself to do llots of new things!#I drew lots for dungeon meshi and that really boosted my growth. More body types -clothing details - expressions!#Ryoko Kui is a great artist to learn from and It made me realize that I had a lot to gain from doing more studies.#I also started working on a whole new genre of art! While it has taken a backburner spot - I'm working on a game now!#Digital art was my enemy last year but I have been getting a feel for it now.#Goals for this year is to 1) keep working on my personal projects 2) finish PD-MDZS! and 3) practice animation!#I didn't (couldn't) draw as much as I did last year...but I had to take a lesson in humility and taking care of myself.#Drawing is something I do 'for fun' but there were many times it became more stressful than it should.#I'm still learning how to find and maintain balance with everything life throws at me.#We are all works of progress and I am trying very hard to love the process and the journey! I don't really know my destination!#But I will keep taking steps forwards. I never want to be stuck and lost as I once was.#If 2024 was a rough year for you too; We're in this together. Let's keep taking steps together. No matter how small.#Love you all so very much. You've given me strength on the darkest days. Thank you thank you thank you.
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got like five asks requesting aku or chuuya so i just drew them together🗿
#i don't ship them btw lol i hc them as mentor/student but you guys can do whatever ig#idk how to draw aku im so sry his hair is so hard for me fsr💀💀#since bones or asigiri didnt give them interactions i had to do it all by myself :(#its hard knowing your two favs will never get screentime together even tho they probably see each other everyday at work#also they are so father son coded after dazai left i'd like to think chuuya took responsibility for aku#since aku was the result of his partner's failed apprenticeship so chuuya felt an obligation to pick up where dazai left off#anyway they’re besties but i can’t prove it#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#ryuunosuke akutagawa#akutagawa ryuunosuke#chuuya nakahara#nakahara chuuya#bsd#lotus draws
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"There is only so much you can for the dead" part 2
continuation to this, I should probably make an original title at some point
trigger warnings: graphic describtion of Danny's death
Moments of blissed, deadly stillness felt unfairly short. It was less than blink of an eye, less than a drop of darkness after he asked Team for the last time to leave and before he woke up, in exactly same state that he was when portal spat him out. He could barely perceive his limbs, and what he could, was consumed by agonising pain.
Fuck, he hated Death Days. Absolutely horrible experience.
His nerves were on fire, electricity dancing and burning across them. His veins and lungs and nostrils and ears and stomach and eyes and mouth and every little crevice of his body was filled with ectoplasm, like liquid fire and evaporated ice, drowning him at every attempted breath. He was crushed by an unimaginable weight, at the same time as his body exploded. He was just coherent enough to feel his bones breaking, cells bursting, his very molecules being rearranged and destroyed and rebuilt but not coherent enough to tell if his scream was anything louder than a whimper.
He was in the middle of the crowd that screamed louder than he could handle, as if every person who ever got to Ghost Zone used this exact moment to let out all of their anguish, hands dragging and pulling and squeezing and brushing at every inch of his skin. He was alone like no one was ever before, in silence that was deafening. He could be stomped to death any second without anyone turning his head, and so separate from everything that he could be only existing being.
He couldn’t help but wait for Death, merciless and brutal, whose twisted children invaded his bed time stories since he could understood words, whose corrupted children he was taught to hate. She was hideous and horrifying, but against everything, she was familiar and he wanted, needed, to see one intimate face in the situation that was so wrong, wrong, wrong. He waited for her to rip his last breath away so everything would stop.
If he had a scrap of himself that could feel worse, it’d cry when he felt her getting away from him, slipping between the fingers that were both tense and limp, impossible to control but possible to feel, broken and twitching. She was getting away but pain wasn’t lessening, maybe even getting worse, to the point where it was only thing that filled his brain.
And then it all stopped. No pain, not even any left over typical to how injuries worked, just a moment of weird pressure against his palm (just like the button), that soon stopped too.
He was in his human form, but in the hazmat he wore just before the accident. Something was wrong about it all. Something in his body made it feel like not his. Something in his chest was too light and too quiet and some intrusive thought made him want to claw on his rib cage until he ripped it open and realized what was missing.
Breathing seemed to easy, enough that he got lightheaded. It got a lot harder when he realized.
He couldn’t feel his core.
Before he managed to come to terms with that, there was a gentle pressure on his hand again.
And the pain returned.
*-*-*
Danny didn't wake up abruptly, with a choked scream and phantom burns. He also didn't wake up slowly, not in the nice, relaxed way at least, when the line between dream and reality is blurred beyond recognition. He woke up in pain, feeling like he wasn't even sleeping before, just… somewhere else while his body was destroying itself again for what felt like decades.
It took some effort to connect with his body after he woke up. To be able to move even a finger. Even longer, to open his eyes. Actual ages to sit up without urge to scream.
After seeing the absolute wreckage of the room, he kinda wished it took him longer. It looked like a warzone. Electrical burns on the walls and ceiling, random puddles of bubbling ectoplasm eating away anything they touched like an acid, and what little stuff there was before, was almost all broken beyond recognition, either by whatever force was doing its thing during his death day show or ecto. When he looked at it a bit more, it seemed to go in spiral around him.
It was kinda sad that the cookies went to waste like that. He was curious who brought them in though.
Thank fucking Ancients that Team listened to him and nobody was there when the whole mess was going down. They would probably join him on the other side of the veil otherwise.
He saw it all only because of his ghost enhanced in dark vision (thank Ancients he stayed in the ghost form) because apparently his Death Day shorted out both main electrical circuit and the emergency one. Thankfully, according to his ears, it only reached this and rooms next to him, instead of the whole Mountain.
Fuck. He really hoped Robin gave him some sort of back-up back-up room because otherwise he was dead. Or well, dead-er.
He rolled out of the bed, barely catching himself from smacking on the floor like a sack of potatoes. Though some would argue he didn’t catch himself if only his face didn’t fall to the floor like the sack of potatoes.
Only then he caught sight of big, ecto-green circle that embed itself into the wall right over the bed. It had familiar vibes. Really familiar…
He had to tell the Team about it yesterday.
*-*-*
M'gann was sitting on the needles, just like everyone else. Sure, Phantom asked them to forget about him and essentially ignore whatever was happening to him, but there was no way they'd actually be able to do it. Case in point, first time alarms about shorting out of the electrical circuit in the room. They run there so fast that they had door open to see what was wrong before the absolute onslaught of electricity and ectoplasm and something else turned off the alarms thirty seconds later. Truth be told, they couldn’t do much, not without risking becoming second ghostly member of the Team, they’ve been there and ready. Conner tried to come in anyway, with his invulnerability and such, but they had to drag him out when despite extensive dodging he got hit five times by the time he got two steps into the room. Also, there wasn’t really anything he could do to help.
So they just spent last almost twenty hours alternating between different things to keep themselves occupied enough to not fall asleep and distract themselves from quilt but not enough to not be able to drop it at the moments notice if it was needed. First plan was to nap in shifts if it was necessary but it quickly became apparent that sleep was impossible with how worried everyone was and when M'gann proposed to just shut down their brains with her powers, everyone got really defensive. Well, no was no. So they just sat, at the moment in awkward silence because every topic that wasn't Phantom felt too inane and every topic that was Phantom felt too… just no. No name for why, just no.
M'gann was about to get up to make another batch of peanut butter and oatmeal snacks that took few minutes to make and could be dropped at any second, when Conner practically jumped in his seat, tilting his head to hear better. Robin perked up from whatever he was doing on his wrist computer at the same time.
"Phantom left the room!” they exclaimed at the same time, jumping out of their seats.
This head start didn’t matter by the time everyone ran or flew out to the corridor, racing against clock to the room where they left Phantom. It didn’t seems so before, but now M’gann just cursed their past selves for not waiting somewhere closer. There wasn’t really any place where they could stay instead, unless they set camp right outside his door, but it still. They should be there five minutes ago, like Wally, who obviously run off.
They heard Wally speaking before they’ve seen him.
���Hey, hey calm down. It’s fine, they’ll be there in a second, just chill. They’re right after me, whatever happened, we’ll help you in just a moment, you don’t have to run. You’re barely standing. Phantom, calm down”
M’gann barely made it around the corner and she thought she had seen Kaldur actually smacking into the wall. He brushed it off.
Phantom looked beyond rough. It seemed like Wally, who had ghost’s arm across his shoulders, was only thing holding him up. His feet were firmly on the ground, not in his usual way, when he looked just a breeze away from flying, but in this fully human way, which was unsettling. His face was gray instead of his usual almost tan, eyes wide and terrified.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he muttered, not looking at anyone in particular “I’m sorry, I’m sorry”
“Phantom, it’s fine. It’s fine, we know about the room, it’s fine,” Robin said, trying to placate him. It didn’t quite work. Ghost was on the verge of hyperventilating, which was a bit weird to see on someone for who breathing was voluntary.
“It’s not about room”
“I’m sure it’s fine anyway”
“It’s anything but. I’m sorry-”
“Shut up and tell us what happened if you’re so sure we will be pissed”
“Artemis!”
“Portal”
“What about it?”
“Portal is what killed me.”
M’gann didn’t like how the whole situation looked before, but it suddenly became much worse.
“My Death Day made another one”
#dpxdc#dp x dc#dc x dp#dcxdp#i'll be honest with you guys#it feels like a set up to a much longer fic#story of Danny Phantom and first season of Young Justice show rewrite if Danny was on the team and they sometimes had to fight-#- off ghosts in their base while figuring out how to close both portals and coming up with increasingly bizzare ideas to do so#like the type of fic#which don't get me wrong#would be amazing to read#but I'm not ready to write it#and I set it up a year into Danny's hero journey and it's impied that Team worked together for a while#so it takes away my beloved “actually none of them has any clue what they're doing” trope that I'd love to use if I ever wrote dpxyj longfi#but who knows#maybe I will write it one day#anyway#this is first of five fics/parts of fics i'll post today as an (almost) New Year special#(almost) New Years fic special#wandixx writes#have a nice day dear stranger who got to this part
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"Oh no, someone's attracted to the aesthetics of my -punk movement but doesn't know the praxis and history behind it like I do--"
OK. Tell them. Make it a teaching moment. Everyone who's in your movement learned the background from somewhere at some point, maybe this is that point for that person. Give them a jumping off point that they can dive into later.
"Oh but I shouldn't be responsible for teaching baby -punks about the history and the how-tos and--"
OK. Then don't tell them. You don't have to be responsible for teaching people with a budding interest in your group the ins and outs and how-tos. That's fair and valid! It can be a lot of work. Someone else will handle it
"But I'm annoyed that they would try to claim to be part of/be interested in my community without knowing all the details that I know after being in it for months/years/decades, they're dumb, they're posers, they're--"
OK. Then don't engage with them, if it's that bad. Maybe someone else will come around and tell them the history, maybe they'll pick it up on their own, maybe they'll just enjoy the fashion elements for awhile.
"But they shouldn't claim to be part of the -punk community if they don't know the--"
I feel like we have a few options here. People can either talk to them, share the history, share the values, share the praxis. Or they can just chase off anyone who even thinks about dipping a toe in their community, and then wonder why it's dying off later down the line.
I dunno, maybe I'm too naive and patient or whatever. But if people are entering your -punk spaces without knowing The Rundown of what you feel they need to know, maybe being nice about it and informing people instead of immediately assuming stupidity and malicious intent could help you make a new friend. Even the loudest voices in a space had to learn from somewhere, and not everyone has the luxury of being in the space as the History was Happening--whether it's an age thing or a not being aware of the space thing. Or maybe I just don't see what the big deal is behind people hating people who like the aesthetic of something and don't know the behind the scenes history about it yet.
Because I believe in the word 'yet.' No one comes into this world knowing everything about everything, and we're all constantly learning new things. I'm not gonna degrade someone and call them a poser for not knowing what I know. Because if it were me, interested in a scene but getting chased out and called a poser? I wouldn't hit the books and study up, I'd go 'that fuckin sucks, those people sucked' and then avoid anyone and anything having to do with it.
So chase people off and call them posers if you want. But if your community starts dwindling, don't be fucking shocked.
#out of queue#ani rambles#punks and posers#i cant even call this a 4am hot take because its 7pm but like#idk i keep seeing posts about like 'how DARE people think I bought my punk clothes how DARE they not know the how-tos and DIYs'#or 'ugh people only care about the ~aesthetics~ of my movement if you don't know shit get out of here' and like#maybe I'm just a shy ass introverted nerd whos scared of social rejection! but I avoid that shit like the plague#so if someone were to reject me based on not knowing about something I'd never even heard about? something i was JUST getting into?#there's a high chance I'd just scram and never look back. i don't wanna be the one who causes that emotion in someone else#granted this is coming from someone who STILL doesn't know how to make her own patches or worked up the courage to do direct action praxis#outside of offering neighbors to my tomatoes and trying to talk to people about what I'm passionate about#but still imo unless someone's a malicious intentional bad actor i dont see the point in scaring newbies off#thats how movements die imo#i know this is my solarpunk blog but its not a solarpunk specific thing#i think the main post that inspired this was about store-bought versus self-made spiked leather jackets#which honestly just feels petty to me but who knows.#might delete later
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I can't stop thinking about the post from a few days ago about how Critical Role has been great at doing personal faith but didn't put the necessary work in to discuss the religious/god angle of c3 in-depth. Like the fact that Cardinal Respa was linked to both the Dawnfather and the Chained Oblivion is, on a personal level, very interesting (fallen/corrupted priest goes hard) but like does that mean that there's a Papacy somewhere in Exandria dedicated to the Dawnfather? If so, are there more cardinals who ordain the bishops of the Dawnfather? Are there Conclave-level intrigues going on in the Dawnfather's Sistine Chapel? Why is the Dawnfather so Christianity-coded in vibes alone if there's no actual outline of his religious organisations? With Downfall the Dawnchild/Dawnfather thing makes the allusions to Christ as Son of God co-existing with the Father textual - was there a Dawnfather Schism around whether the Dawnchild was a separate mortal? Was there a Reformation about how the Dawnfather's Pope kept selling indulgences? Is that why the priest of the Dawnfather Grog & Pike offer a drink to doesn't partake because of a cultural shift between Protestant-Temperance-League-coded and Catholic-coded Dawnfather congregations? Why do I have so many questions about the religious organisation of one of the most important Prime Deities in Exandria and to Critical Role's 3 campaigns? How on earth were the cast (and us as the viewers!) meant to care about the gods if all they had were "really tall kings" instead of interrogating how religious organisations provide both a place of healing and community to a wide range of people and also a place of horrific harm and abuse for a wide range of people?
#cr meta#cr discourse#critical role#it's just. maddening#i mean a college of cardinals who can all shoot god a quick dm and ask who's the best for pope is an absolutely hilarious image#makes for a great comedic setpiece tbh#but like seriously matt if your whole multi-campaign story needs people to have strong feelings about the gods beyond how they personally#affected them (keyleth vex and ashton come to mind as people who were negatively affected by certain gods due to personal reasons)#it might be a good idea to develop the religious organisations of these gods! let people see how these things work out instead of letting a#vibes-based approach to christianity rule the whole discussion! kord's whole deal about strong people is fascinating! are his priests all#body builders? do they have a central hierarchy based on strength? we don't know!#are the wildmother's clergy pro- or anti-alcohol? does she even have a clergy?#or are all the religious temples we have seen just set dressing because religious buildings in the real world just have cool designs?#is it because in fantasy the trope is that most protagonists don't care about religion and their temples are literally there for vibes?#i'm aware i'm getting way too close to stan-parasociality on that last point but if we have a cardinal “do we have a pope” is a logical#follow-up question. i'm aware there's not that much info in the campaign guides so that gms can do their own thing but in the#“the gods deserve to be eaten because they were mean to me” campaign surely a more interesting line would be “do the gods deserve us if#their organisations cause systemic harm as was done to bor'dor and........"#can you tell i don't want to do any actual work today. i sure can't#and yes i'm main-tagging this if people are hostile to me on the internet for this buddy there's a phenomenal button i'd like you to meet
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i really do admire how lando tries to not give a fuck (that 'whatever' really saddened me so much) but he actually does, and a lot.
guy doesn't even want anything absurd, he just wants the support of his team for the last fucking 4 races but no... let's just get humiliated for one point on international tv💀.
they're really stretching him thin — and i mean it in a emotional and mental wellbeing way. he is obviously inherently selfless and quite literally does not hold self-esteem, but in the last year we've seen him trying to be more sure of himself and trying to be selfish for once. the moment he does that though, he gets accused of being the spawn of satan. and then the team does everything in the world to make it harder for him.
so i really do admire him, because i literally would PERSONALLY leave the sport after this one season.
he's so much stronger than i am.
#im not saying he's not fit for the sport#but like his very dear friend carlos#it feels like he not only keeps his heart on his sleeve#but he also gives it away so freely in a sport full of rabid dogs that want some fresh meat#and he gets really hurt in the process#i relate to him so much bc of this#im not joking when i say his 'friendship' with max is nearing the end#and the team is not even mean they just don't get that when they have championships on the line YOU UNFORTUNATELY HAVE TO PLAY FAVORITES#we got lesser teams doing it from the getgo when they have no reason to💀#and suddenly mclaren doesn't know how?#is it really that hard??#landino#lando norris#brazil gp 2024#rambling#it all started from hungary btw they really set the mood there and its been... foul#it's not even oscar's fault#he is a competitive teammate#he has every right to race#does lando really have anyone atp?#and yes yes i know they're rich billionaires they get paid for this#still doesn't mean they're insensible or immune to feeling betrayed or deceived or just sad bc they trusted someone#and he's a scorpio too so im SHOCKED about how he handles this#ALSO HE GIVES TOO MANY FUCKS#and he rightfully doesn't even give the blame to anyone but himself most of the times when i'd argue that it almost never is#your team is supposed to be your backbone in your first actual fight for the championship... and even after all the years of constant work#and points he brought#not even when finally the car is competitive they can actually do their job and support their driver that is the top contender?
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Have you considered selling merch? Some stickers pins or patches of the boys would go hard
.
#I get asked about merch sometimes and yes it's something I think about every now and then#but I'm not sure how that would go#small businesses are a lot of work#I'm forgetful and get overwhelmed really really easily#I'm a socially awkward introvert so I reckon I'd have challenging time on the customer service side of things#but it's not a hard no maybe I manage to get gutsy enough in the future who knows#would honestly love to design some stickers pins or patches#been considering it for a few years already weh#answered#anonymous#I'm worried people would be put off by the Finnish shipping fees. our postage rates are pretty high unfortunately#and not to get too deep into it but I also have some internal ideological rules about what kind of objects I want to put out into the world#it'd have to be good stuff I don't want to sell people anything that would become junk in five years if I can avoid it
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I haven't felt very motivated to draw lately (what chronic fatigue does to a guy 😔) but I have cracked open my sketchbook a few times. Mostly to doodle TBC.
#I don't draw on paper much anymore tbh#bc now that i have the option to fully line and color things digitally if I'm gonna spend time on art I'd rather go all the way#but i probably should get back into the habit. it's relaxing sometimes to draw something without fussing over it#also i drew blackstar recently while bored during my break at work and tried to redraw him digitally later and it just doesn't look as good#it really is easier to get things the exact shape you want during the sketching phase#which is why i want to make my digital art a little more relaxed and lean into sketches for lineart#but it just never works? idk#I don't feel like I really have the mind or eye for art sometimes. idk how to explain it#I don't really know how to experiment with my style or make changes? how do people learn that#anyway I'm rambling#i really enjoy drawing but I'm pretty art blocked recently bc I'm so tired all the time and kinda feel like? idk how to draw? dunno#my art#shadowsight#bristlefrost#rootspring#snowtuft#lionblaze
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still ruminating over Lost In the Book With Spooky Skeletons Part 1, so here's a selection of some of my favorite little bits! (...some more loosely paraphrased than others) (I just feel like Idia has no room to criticize in general, okay)
anyway, I'm sure we're just going to have a fun time celebrating Halloween and nothing bad is going to happen whatsoever! :)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#calling dibs on skeleton kisses as the name of my band#man scully is just a delightful little weirdo and i'm enjoying him immensely#(i'm going with scully until we get something official just because it makes me think of x-files)#(スカリー is also how the agent's name is transliterated and i don't know if it was intentional but i love it as a bonus reference)#(i want to believe™)#gosh though#'no one at school likes me because i won't shut up about halloween and jack skellington' i'm feeling VERY attacked right now twst#look scully your people are out there#just get on the forums and -- oh wait you're probably from like the 1800s or something#(my theory is that he's from the past and there's just some Book Magic going on to bring us together)#(LOOK they made a point of saying that the book fair has been held annually for a super long time)#a hot topic goth born before hot topic was invented...so sad 😔#i dunno i could be wrong but that feels like a good working theory for now#if it wasn't for mal sensing twsty ~magic~ on him i would think he's like. a christmas elf who's going to kidnap jack in a reverse-nmbc#(not ruling that out though because it would be amazing)#god all the sprites in this event look AMAZING. loving the desaturated colors and the extra drawn-on lines 😍#i'm genuinely kinda sad that we aren't gonna get to see every character like this#who knows...maybe halloweentown will be imperiled again next year...#come back and destroy my keys again please#(that said i'm doing weirdly well so far?)#(i promised i'd save for sebek and just do cursory pulls to get the SRs and not hope for the SSRs)#(...but then leona jumpscared me four coffins in anyway. halloween magic is REAL)
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Okay! This one is less rendered than the other two, but here's some doodles of Tulpa figuring out how to co-exist! (Aka Fresh not taking training seriously while Dream is trying desperately to get his friends to think he's normal.)
When Dream first returns to the Star Sans', he finds himself in a pickle, because he needs Fresh to move his body. Sure, they made a tentative agreement that Dream trusted Fresh not to break, but Dream hadn't been specific enough with the guidelines.
Fresh pilots Dream's body based on the commands from his soul, but more often than not Fresh simply decides not to listen. Sometimes when they're training, Fresh will suddenly make Dream fumble his bow or send an arrow flying way off-target. Dream is always frustrated by this, unaware that Fresh it doing it for his own good and is forcing the guardian to take a break.
Blue was also made aware of Fresh very early on. One day he was passing the kitchen where Dream was cooking and spotted how Fresh's little form was wiggling out of the hole on Dream's skull. Blue made Eye-contact with Fresh, but said nothing since it seemed like Dream was aware and didn't mind. He waited until Dream told him to acknowledge the parasite directly, but suddenly a bunch of Dream's weird actions made sense to him. Blue regularly makes sure to check in on Dream, before abd after he's aware of Fresh, because he knows Dream works himself into the ground.
Dream (eventually) figures out that Fresh was being clumsy for his sake and nearly cries about it (even his mother and the villagers never did that for him, and Blue was the only other person to ever pull him away from training for his own good) so he gets a bit emotional. He feels bad for how angry he used to get at Fresh for doing that, but Fresh never gave him a proper explanation either, so it was a two-way street.
And while Fresh was lienent around Blue and Ink, he never slipped up around Nightmare's gang. Though, he did fight seriously, which to him might look like goofing off, which is completely separate from Dream's fighting style. (For now Dream uses Arrows and his Bow, but I'm thinking Tulpa has a T-Shirt Canon or a Nerf Gun by the time they make-up.)
Ideally Fresh cannot be seen during combat because he actually pilots from around Dream's soul, but sometimes his parasite form expands to support Dream's weak joints and act like a shock-absorber.
#utmv#utmv sans#oc#utmv art#utmv oc#my art#spot!drawn#Dreameater au#tulpa#Dream x fresh#fresh x dream#sanscest#<- again technically??? here they're just Strangers dubiously sharing a body tho soooo#anyways#Blue my beloved. he's subtly making sure Dream's alright#but besides being exhausted he's actually better off than he was *befire* fresh so Blue takes that as a good sign#and I love a Dream who is stubborn and has a set routine and expectation who panics and gets a lil#mean when things don't go his way. Golden Child and Prodigey vibes#i'd never project but like... what I wouldn't give to have someone physically stop me from working myself into a fit over#things I can't control 👀#Fresh doesn't care a ton about Dream at this point and his carefulness is more him wanting to keep Dream's soul/vessel in good shape#but that quickly morphs into a protectiveness and care once he realizes just how much strain Dream tries to put on hinself to be perfect#the 'I can fix him' trope but with the character you don't expect (Fresh teaching Dream to value himself as more than a tool)#(even though to Fresh at the start he is *literally* just an asset to Fresh. their dynamic is unhealthy to start but improves later)#dream sans#fresh sans#<- I know neither of them are Sans 😔 itXs just easier to tag like this
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Since I'm digging myself a hole tonight, I kind of actively hate the "But I am ready for something, and I think maybe that something could be with you."
Like, my first instinct was that it was sweet and that Buck was taking back a little bit of agency there and asking for what he wanted.
But I don't know. In so many ways, it also actually feels like it feeds into a very unhealthy pattern for Buck.
I mean, I might just be projecting because I cannot imagine ever being so infatuated with someone that I'd be like "I want to try a relationship with you" after only knowing them for 30 seconds and being left on the curb after a failed first date, but I digress.
But just. I don't know. This feels like such a pattern for Buck. Have someone express interest, only to then be rejected (Abby, Taylor, Natalia, now Tommy) and then chase them that much harder.
Like, Buck. Darling. PLEASE. Your value is not defined by the people for whom you have to prove your worth.
And I don't even mean this as anything directly against these partners. But Buck gets so caught up in forcing a relationship that he speedruns things without actually giving anyone (including himself) any space to grow into it, and it just feels kind of devastating that that's still where he is with himself.
#this man has not worked through a single issue in his life#like baby please go back to therapy#what does it say about him that his healthiest relationship seems to have been with ali who was the most forgettable of all love interests?#also i know i'm not saying anything new here#but it just. makes me sad.#that he can't see that he needs to give himself space and grow into something meaningful#like. i don't know. i guess people do this#but as someone whose only meaningful relationship took something like a year to grow into#i just cannot imagine wanting something like a romantic connection with someone i'd barely just met#so buck's insistence on going the distance IMMEDIATELY with any potential romantic partner even after (sometimes multiple) rejection(s)#is. a lot.#but again i know i'm projecting#i just. don't get it.#and i feel for him because it's so clear how much he wants something meaningful but he just will not give himself the space to grow into it#anti bucktommy#anti tommy kinard#just in case#this isn't actually meant to be anti but i feel like it would be read that way#911 discourse#random 911 thoughts
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Honestly, the fact that there's still this level of interpersonal tension between Tuvok & Chakotay FIVE YEARS into the Delta Quadrant (though it no longer seems to be affecting their working relationship) is so juicy and also kind of insane - it's REALLY a shame that the bad blood between Chakotay and Tuvok was never fully explored because again this is SO LONG into them knowing each other for this tension to exist where Tuvok still jabs at Chakotay (despite no longer being insubordinate to him and seeming to genuinely grow to respect him) and Chakotay openly admits that they don't like each other.
#Voyager Crew's terrible work environment is enviably in its complexity#Janeway: I'm so glad my two good friends Tuvok & Chakotay are getting along#Tuvok & Chakotay: -five years into an interpersonal cold war- Yeah.#In my mind 'Twisted' is where Voyager frames their tension being put out into the open and thus ended#<- in reality I don't think just stating that you don't like each other means the conflict is resolved but I don't recall it being addresse#past this episode?? If so - that's THREE YEARS ago and nothing's really changed#they're STILL at Chakotay saying 'I don't like you but I respect you professionally'#and Tuvok saying 'I don't like you either' (with the addition of perhaps an unspoken 'but I respect you professionally now too')#This is what happens when you don't have a ship's counselor and you're also the two most senior officers on aboard besides the captain#star trek voyager#Chakotay#Tuvok#st voy#Chakotay: (has known Tuvok five years and is part of a command trio with him) Can I ask your advice?#Tuvok: I don't know. CAN you?#I'd strangle him idk how Chakotay keeps the peace HEHEH I'd be shaking him
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I need to make a point of saying that contrary to popular belief, I do not read. I do not enjoy reading, I hate being asked to read things, reading is exhausting and a chore. I like to write just for the sake of writing. The act of writing itself gives me so much gratification just to be able to do it!
But if I saw this bitch in the wild at 300k+ words I would never fucking touch it LMAOO doesn't matter HOW good it is man that's way too fucking long
what the fuck was I THINKING LMAO THIS SHIT IS INSANE I WOULD NEVER READ THIS
Not saying I think MM is bad or not worth the read. I certainly think it is! But for like, you know, people who like to read. Not me LOL glad some of y'all literally will sit and re-read this shit regularly though. Y'all juggernauts for that
It's not even like I write topics that I don't enjoy. I certainly enjoy them, otherwise I wouldn't be writing them. But I like writing them, not reading them. But that's not exclusive to topics, I just don't read anything in general
#how the fuck do y'all sit still that long#I get so exhausted sitting and reading#This is why I don't even reread my own work man#do I risk grammar errors and flow issues? absolutely#but would I rather drink bleach than go back and edit my work? 100%#listen I'll write until I die#I'd love to know if there's anybody else out there that's like me#hates to read loves to write#where my chronic writers at#chronic writer needs to be paired with chronic reader I swear to god I'll constantly feed them for a crumb of affection#just don't ask me to read shit#I need a fucking editor bad lol#my hobbies? writing and drawing#that's kind of it really I don't do anything else
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