#and i don't even have imposter syndrome really
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Every time you think, "Oh, I don't have [x condition], I'm basically cured!" that is the devil talking. You aren't cured, you are likely going through periods of your symptoms waning. Don't cease whatever you're doing to help yourself, like medication, for instance, because it's likely you still have the conditions or symptoms, even if you aren't noticing them as frequently or severely.
#disability#this is a callout post about myself#i genuinely thought my GAD was cured because my symtoms had lessened significantly since i've transitioned#turns out my anxiety is just as killer and awful - it's just muted slightly#i am currently laying down with my brain convinced that i'm About To Have a Heart Attack#(and not in the fun demi lovato kind of way)#(that song is a little over a decade old... what the bingle)#anyway please don't do what i do whenever i experience ANY level of symptoms getting better because it will shock you...#...when those symptoms come back and remind you that you Do Indeed have [x condition]#i now know how a wolf girl feels when they say they are Actually Feral because that's how i feel rn 💀#even I'M not immune to the idea that the things i suffer from are things that can Disappear Magically 😭#it's wishful thinking and almost like... imposter syndrome because you're *so* desperate to prove to yourself you're Fine or A Faker#and you become hyperfixated on picking every tiny little waxing and waning of symptoms like you're a fortune teller#and honestly it's really stiffling and it's a lot of work to kill the cop in your head that says you are secretly Not All That Affected...#...that you're either exaggerating to the Extreme or you're just a bored faker who's trying to Get Attention (bad somehow)
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Maybe I'm not cut out for a PhD maybe i should just start drinking the chemicals with the scariest labels on them, lets end the charade that i have brain cells
#my stuff#i am really struggling this weekend i got such shit results from an experiment#and when i was reading a paper afterwards it described something that looks Awfully Similar to my own work#like not exactly but it achieves the same things#and i texted my mentor abt it and idk if we're just not looking at it the same or what but he responded back 'these are not at all the same#like ok i guess im illiterate. kill me now and save me the embarrassment of struggling on.#i don't like to be despairing but ive had headaches for weeks and my sleep schedule is in ruins from stress#every day i feel more terrified from imposter syndrome and ohhhh my god what if my heart just exploded i wouldn't even notice#i have like 2 weeks to smarten tf up or i feel like im going to get crucified and pissed on by my committee
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alan wake is really such a hyperbolized example of a statement i needed to hear so long ago - art is not about coming up with completely new, but about reshaping/reinterpreting existing inspirations and experiences. i was so terrified of being exposed as a plagiarist for naming a character after another or mixing certain traits only i know i took from those existing characters. and now i look at the guy who's entire career was built on remaking his previous ideas and mistaking literal paranatural stalking for inspiration. and now i look at the game studios who has been torturing the iterations of the same detective guy over and over and over again till he stopped even resembling his original self and everyone loves it. and i cannot stress enough how much relief this brings me. i feel like i'm finally allowed to create without forgetting the exact sources of my ideas
#alan wake#personal#ohh turns out i have all signs of imposter syndrome and i've been misinterpreting its meaning all this time. my bad!#but still. i had this specific tick about people exposing me for recognizing the origins of every characteristic of my ocs/aus#and the idea of being inspired has just started to come to me as normal. you can't really create anything new that doesn't resonate with u#your art created as a result of your creative process always reflect who you are in some capacity#even if the source of inspiration is obvious#only the people who don't care about you will point this out and that's actually rude#having my enlightenment moment here#rant
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god I wish I could look up ftm stuff without being hit by an absolute deluge of detrans/pregnancy shit in the tags. I viscerally hate both of those things to the point that I mostly just don't go looking anymore because it isn't worth it. would it be so damn hard to not put those things under the regular ftm tag.
I don't blame the people with those kinks for having them mind you, it just feels really inconsiderate to be throwing your "teehee I'm a confused girl" fantasy shit directly into the faces of anyone who searches ftm tags and might already be really fucking tired of hearing that from people who are completely serious.
#considering how much work it is in real life just to get people to stop treating me like Nonbinary Plus™ it's just. must we#why is everyone's first reaction to trans men apparently to find absolutely any excuse to not refer to them as men#I mean I know why it's because we let the terfs con everyone into their whole 'the only correct opinion about men is to hate them' tripe#but still it's annoying and disheartening like no wonder I've got perpetual imposter syndrome#even my fuckin mom after I came out was like 'oh yes you know I've always seen you as more gender neutral'#WELL THAT SUCKS FOR YOU BECAUSE I'M NOT#I HAVE A GENDER. NOT THE GENDER ANYONE APPARENTLY WANTS ME TO HAVE BUT I HAVE IT NONETHELESS#DON'T REALLY CARE ANYMORE THAT IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE NOT BEING ABLE TO SHIT ON MEN AROUND ME#the really annoying thing is that the whole 'trans fetishization' thing (WHEN IT'S CONSENSUAL) can be hot just.#not in the way these people are doing it
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Me: I love getting comments on my stuff! There is nothing like the rush of validation and love you feel when someone leaves a nice comment on something you created. Both lengthy essays and little notes provide heaps of serotonin! <3
Also Me: I can't comment on this person's work. Anything I can or will say will pale in comparison to how much I love what they created. I will come off as dumb and annoying and I have no right clogging up this person's brilliance with my nonsense.
#i have two wolves inside me#one that knows and understands the joys and importance of commenting on peoples works#and the other that has severe imposter syndrome and social anxiety to the point where I can't even say 'i like this a lot!'#without having a panic attack#:)#I really do be hearting and leaving kudos praying and hoping people know their fics changed my life#new years resolution: don't be a damn weenie and comment more#we'll see how that goes loool#i love you all and all the stuff your beautiful brains and hands and bodies create :)
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Been dealing with some really bad self esteem shit lately...
#had big cries today#still kinda teary#basically imposter syndrome to the max#except like you know how imposter syndrome suggests you actually DO belong somewhere?#idk I just feel really stupid and like a fake#and im scared im doing bad shit#I'm afraid im in the wrong field#like I don't belong here#things with my supervisor have been meh#he has hinted at it a bit but maybe i read too much into it idk#the suggestion that I might be in the wrong field#and I feel it bc I feel so fucking stupid all the time#like I never know what I'm doing#and I don't even have anything to validate myself#just feeling like shit#like I don't belong#it's hard bc people always say everyone is like that - everyone is faking it#except I am SEEING people NOT faking it#im SEEING people do the right thing that i don't know how to do#and I feel so stupid#im just scared#idk#personal vent
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oooh hey. job offer get. 🌝
#if i pass bg & drug tests (extremely likely - it only takes me like 3 days tops to detox from weed) i start beginning of may#as. a banker. holy fuck#kind of getting some imposter syndrome but also they were REALLY impressed with me and think i'm gonna be amazing#and it's literally just. people and details. both of which i'm v good at. computer will do most of the math for me#a lil worried about the moral/ethical ramifications for my soul bc i don't believe money should even exist#but if i can help ppl navigate horribly fucked up incomprehensible financial systems & liberate Forbidden Money Knowledge#then i'll feel like a spy infiltrating enemy ranks#also omg the pay and benefits are EXCELLENT#i'll be making $3/hr more than my last job with better PTO and more paid holidays#and so far i think i'm gonna rly like my coworkers and the building is pretty and quiet with lots of sunlight#much smaller team and hopefully much less busy than my current job but more interesting work overall#aaaaaahhhhh#got the offer on my last day of old shitty job and GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE#v glad i won't have to worry about being unemployed for an unknown amount of time & eating up my savings#just got a cozy 2 weeks of downtime to chilllllll (and recover from psychic damage of old job jfc it looks way worse in the rearview)#ctxt#charlie vs money
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#my imposter syndrome and anxiety are rearing their ugly heads#i'm so worried about the interview tomorrow and i haven't even fucking done it yet#and i know that most of this is coming from being constantly rejected for the past several months from so many jobs#so like#my brain is automatically setting up my emotions/myself for failure#which is NOT helpful at all#i have no idea how this interview is going to go#it could go really well#or it could not#who knows#but me already psyching myself out about isn't helping#it also doesn't help that i still have no idea why they decided to go ahead and interview me when all of my “experience” and my degrees#are for death scene investigation not DNA (save for my undergrad degree)#being in a lab has never been for me#and i think there's a bit of stubbornness in me#that anytime i see a lab job i automatically say “no”#because i want to be in the field#so i don't know#i'm in my head and i'm psyching myself for no damn reason#love it/s
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crazy to me how i perceive my korean vs how others perceive it
#must be the imposter syndrome because i cannot explain it#also the fact that i feel like i'm stuck in a slump/the same level of korean#earlier my friends and i were talking and one of them said 'here we have a non korean speaking like a korean' and i almost cried#not because i was glad but because i felt EMBARRASSED#sometimes i feel really frustrated#from the outside it may look like i have it all figured out like i can speak it well effortlessly#but actually not i study so hard and been doing that for long#and i still never feel like it's enough#i don't know if this is something that every language learner feels like#been particularly bummed about how 'not enough perfect i am' versus how much friends hype me#i wish i could improve even more but why isn't it working??????#i think it's also my issue where i have my comfort zone and i like my wordings but theres much more grammar to use and#i shouldn't be afraid of trying#i lost my train of thought there i wanted to say much more but nevermind#i've had a shitty weekend and i think i want to scream about 26 different things at the same time#don't mind me guys#i also really miss jonghyun#and i'm so angry and hurt about time flying in many aspects of life#i cannot even catch up cannot even spread out my aspirations that it just keeps going#frankly i need a break to breathe but i cannot stop either#ANYWAYS. goodnight i'm so tired of thinking#i love jonghyun#didi rambles
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not ready to post him properly yet, bc i want to give him some pants first JHABSJHDBJHB but. i finished the ren plushie earlier today, and i've just been petting him and smoothing him down all evening. i just picked him up to keep doing it, and i unconsciously starting kissing his little forehead. i'm definitely not feeling soft for him. anyway.......... [sick to my stomach bc i love him and he's so cute]
ghost sighting of the boy:
#rghhhh need to dig thru my undonatable clothes and make smth for him to wear so i can post him properly!!!!!! aaaaa!!!!#constantly fighting the imposter syndrome but like... honestly????? i'm a historically poor seamster#and i've never done embroidery before. but. if not for the carpal tunnel + pinched nerves + the hours it takes to make the damned things#(aka hours + materials = price FAAAAR too high for most ppl who would want one).... i would consider comms....#fuck knows many of us who have oc f/os or f/os who don't get love from creators could benefit from custom f/o plushies LMAO ;;#but yeag. even being super lenient wrt hours i'd take if i simplified features + got a sewing machine... factories do it cheaper...#i really surprised myself w this one tho! genuinely!! to the point that i'm considering a much bigger not-f/o not-plushie sewing project#that would take a looooong time to finish. but that'd a bucket list kind of thing lol.#also omg i can't wait to get back into ren daydreams KJNKJNZDKJ i've either been at PT (focusing on not fucking up)#or working on the plushie (also focusing on not fucking up kjsndkjfn) or too tired from both of those to even daydream lol#and while i'll probably be back to periodic radio silence if i do start that other sewing project... in the meantime. i want to love ren#and talk to fwiends and make little improvements to my life (i finally saw i.sttvg and it altered my brain permanently lala)~#i do wish i could do it all but. c'est la vie!!! the other project would be an endurance run so i'd HAVE to learn to balance better kjdjnkn#ogey i'm sweepy from the relief of only having clothes left + i'm trying to catch up on the dash!! waves joyfully as i Lounge (tm) <3#📌 [ my posts. ]#⚙️ [ 046 wips. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#🍄 [ lying on the blade of an emotion. ]#🧃 [ who is in control. ]#🦦 [ can't escape it. ]#🐸 [ look ahead. ]
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girl help im getting anxious over things that havent even happened yet
#having a 1.8 gpa is a scary thing zdfkjsdkf#i stopped checking my grades at one point and just accepted that i probably failed#and now im always so nervous even when i literally just. have already accepted this#they don't tell you that over time when you fail courses a lot you just kinda become numb to it#or i did#i was really ashamed by it so i was like “everythings fine :) school is fine :)” meanwhile i'm taking the same courses 3-4 times#meanwhile i'm on academic probation and trying to get a high enough grade to NOT get kicked out because of it#i'm close to a 3.0 though for the first time in forever#literally have never gotten a gpa this high (unless grade 12 counts but i feel like it doesnt in my specific circumstances)#(trust me this isn't anxiety probably a bit of imposter syndrome though but i really dont think i deserved it)#(i have a certificate for getting 90%+ in ap chem meanwhile i actually got something like 88. i should have gotten 55% genuinely)
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Except Peeta, probably due to how he was raised, dosn't seem to see himself as cool 🙁
There’s a lot of things that I love about the hunger games but one of them is that the main romance, at its core, is the ‘weird girl/cool guy who’s obsessed with her’ trope
#like i definitely see him suffering from imposter syndrome for a long time because of his home life#like sure kids at school didnt seem to hate him but he was only tagging along with them really#just being agreeable#saying what he knew they wanted to hear#because at least for a few short hours a week he wanted to be liked#even if he never really stood out in a crowd#even if she never looked he's way again#after becoming friends with that older boy#maybe the original reason peeta is so good with words and so charismatic was because he never felt enough growing up#so he learnt to put on a performance#oh i just ran into a door don't worry about me delly#but there was always that worry that people wouldn't like the darker side to him#the side that cried behind the bins sometimes#the side that judged he's dad for never doing anything#the side that longed to trade places with a boy he'd never spoken to#it just makes me think of how Katniss felt after peeta first insulted her in mockingjay#how him finally viewing her and not liking what he sees makes her hate him#there might have been a part of peeta that knew deep down that the way he was behaviouring during his highjacking was hurtful#too raw not nice not right not likeable#was pushing people away#making him seem like the bad guy/a lost cause#and he obviously hates katniss for it#but I wonder if he could have also been projecting he's own self hatred onto katniss because he hates her for finally seeing him like this#he's not the boy with the bread anymore or a fellow victor anymore#he's small covered in scars and chained to a bed in a place he's never been before#he's prey he's crazy he's scared he's angry#he can't move but the cage is gone and the beatings have stopped#now there's just her
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You said Jason hasn't had any good canon stories since UTRH; does he have any non canon ones you recommend?
I'm really not the person to ask for comprehensive reading guides my guy. like I really wish I was I want to have knowledge of every story Jason's been in but unfortunately I'm still working on the canon ones. also for the record I'm like 98% sure I said he hadn't had almost any good canon stories since UTRH. or at least that's what I meant cause I literally just read Cheer and it's a bit overhyped but only a bit
#like I haven't even really made it to Rebirth except for a story here and there I'm still working on pre-n52 villain!jason stories#like I keep trying to tell you guys I've been reading DC for less than a year and I've been part of the fandom proper since July like#I do not have the experience y'all need#I miss when y'all sent me asks about marvel I actually know stuff about marvel#not that I don't love the asks I'm getting!!! just like#I'm not sure it's imposter syndrome if you actually just don't know what you're talking about half the time#gail speaks#ask#anonymous
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If Neil Gaiman and David Tennant are having Imposter Syndrome, you're good.
(Transcript Below)
Neil Gaiman: The first problem of any kind of even limited success, is the unshakable conviction that you are getting away with something, and that any moment now, they will discover you.
David Tennant: For me, that's what being an actor is about. Sort of going, this is all, it's all on one level, it's all just a bit silly. And I can't really believe I'm getting away with this. And at some point someone's gonna tap me on the sholder and go 'Come on, you've had your fun. Move on. There are some people who can actually do this. There are some proper actors in the world. Stop pretending, and move on. You're a little wee nae from Paisley. You don't really get to do this.
Neil Gaiman: In my case I was convinced there would a knock on the door, and a man with a clipboard – I don't know why he had a clipboard, but in my head he always had a clipboard – would be there and tell me it was all over, and they've caught up with me, and now I would have to go and get a real job. One that didn't consist of making things up and writing them down, and reading books I wanted to read. And then, I would go away quietly. And get the kind of job I would have to get up early in the morning, and wear a tie, and not make things up anymore.
#david tennant#neil gaiman#good omens#crowley#american gods#doctor who#10th doctor#tenth doctor#coraline#takin' over the asylum#takin over the asylum#campbell bain#broadchurch#Alec Hardy#the graveyard book#the graveyard#stardust#imposter syndrome#mental health#mental health awareness#neverwhere#hamlet#shakespeare#richard ii#inside man#staged#casanova#norse mythology book#the sandman#the sandman 2022
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What people admire/think about you - Pick a pile
Pile 1/ Pile 2/ Pile 3
My Paid Readings | My insta
Liked my blog or readings? Tip me!
Hello everyone ! This is my another pick a pile or pac reading so please be kind and leave comment or reblog, and let me know if it resonated with you!
Note : This is a general reading or collective reading. It may or may not resonate with you. Please take what resonates and leave what doesn't. And it's totally okay if our energies aren't aligned!
How to pick : Take a deep breath and choose a pile which you feel most connected to! You can choose more than one pile, it just means both pile have messages for you!
I worked really hard on this pile please show some love by leaving comments, likes and reblogs!
Pile 1:
(The cards I got for you - page of wands , the tower, four of pentacles and the empress)
Okay so the very first thing i heard for this group is people admire how thoughtful and caring you're, this is admired by many people around you, some of you may have a baby face too, or looks younger than you are, people find you very sexy and attractive , i also heard "a head turner", you come of as confident, even though, if you're not , or don't think of yourself that way, people like that about you, you also seem creative to fellow people around you, your eyes and lips might seem to attract lots of people around you or your lips could be plump without even trying, i see pink lips or nude shade for your lips, anyways your dressing style seems classy or people just like how you dress, how you carry yourself, some people may even think you are a hot-headed person, like misunderstood or form their opinions on you, but trust me when i say some of them are just intimidated, I also feel for some people you guys would have been a victim for false rumour or you just attracted lots of haters or people like that around yourself. I also feel you guys might have people lusted over you, it definitely made you very uncomfortable though, your friendly vibe or nature is also loved by people around you! i also heard "you are lovely", People might also admire your ambition or goal driven nature they find you quite passionate, y'all seem to attract some broken people, or there are some patterns which repeat itself, people find you really nice and comfortable to be around you like just spilling their secrets or pouring their heart out to you. For some of you guys, you might have or had body image issues due to past people in your life , but trust me when i say you guys are gorgeous! Even the vibe here is so attractive~
I feel earth and fire sign energy here especially sagittarius sun!
Pile 2:
(The cards I got for you - eight of swords, five of swords, the sun and the strength)
Okay so the very first thing i feel and heard is you guys are amazing communicators, people love that about you, you try to get your point across to the other person, no matter how nervy you are, but you try not to show this to people around you and they love that about you! Some of you may only talk a lot when you are actually comfortable with the other person, some of you could be introvert or ambivert, when i was doing your reading I also felt a emotional vibe, like you may not show your emotions much but they are there and you are extremely different than world perceive you, some of you might have battles in their own head, imposter syndrome, feeling they are not enough, but what i see and feel is you guys are coming out of that zone , learning to be more confident loving yourself, some people might even be feeling that you're not like before, like they lost you but trust me you have been grown and growing, healing yourself, people like your sharp bone structure or there maybe something sharp about your features pointed nose , but straight and extremely good looking, some of you might get insecure about it, but trust me people love it, people like how competitive you are, or when it's time or you feel like, you don't back down from a challenge, people find your laugh infectious, or love how positive you are despite the situation, people may also like your brave and courageous persona, some of you in this group could be religious or spiritual. You seem like strong to your environment, just like as i said you might not like pity or people thinking you are weak, no matter what. People may also like your hairs, nose too! if I have to give you a word i had say "adaptable". Because that is something i keep hearing~
i feel lots of you here could be libra moon/rising, Leo energy is also here!!
Pile 3:
(The cards I got for you - wheel of fortune, the hanged man, page of wands, justice and the world)
Okay so the very first thing I feel is, your sense of rightness, people love how you stand up for right and wrong, how you stand up to people, people admire that about you a lot, you don't feel the need to people please anymore, in past you could have done so, but not anymore I also feel your confidence and sense of justice is being admired very much, I also feel people admire your way of talking, your sense of dressing a lot, some of you here like dark shades of red or blue, people admire how much you accomplish , not knowing how hard you have work for it but they feel jealousy as well a surge of admiration towards you, people also admire your desire to read, i also feel some of you here could be a big reader or like to read a lot, people also like how nonchalant you are , but in all honesty you can be losing it , there is also some procastinators here but you get the work done, people find that freaking attractive like how can she complete this work/job, whilst she always said its not complete lol, people like your body language, they do wanna be more like you, they find your problem solving quality also very attractive, they also admire how balanced you are how equally you treat people, no matter the hard times you turned out great! "i also heard we are proud of you", they like how comfortable and complete you make people feel. They also like your facial features a lot! Some of you could have foxy eyes here and people find that very sexy and attractive!
I feel here is capricorn, leo/sagittarius and scorpio energy!
Thank you for stopping by! Take care and remember you are loved <3
#tarotcommunity#tarot reading#tarotblr#tarot cards#pick a card reading#pick a pile#thetarotwitchcommunity#divination#self love#pac reading#self love reminders#love reading#witchblr#divine guidance#spirituality#meditation#intuitive readings#free tarot readings#tarot deck#futurespousereading#astro community#astro notes#psychic#intuitive tarot reader#astro observations#pick a card#pick a picture#spiritualgrowth#free tarot reading#pick a photo
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Spider-Man: Across the Spiderverse comes out later today so I wanted to write a post reflecting on my journey and experience working on this movie. So many people have supported me through this and I am so thankful to each and every one of you!
Text version of this post under the cut:
Spiderman: Across the Spiderverse comes out tonight. It feels really weird to be typing that out right now. I worked on the movie as a visdev artist for the last 2.5 years, from 2020 to 2023. Long post incoming.
There are a lot of reasons why I'd consider this film to be one of the most ambitious animated films to ever be made. As artists, we were asked to push ourselves far beyond our comfort zones and do things that had never been done before in animation.
Every time we reached a point where most people would say "this must possibly be as creative and weird as it gets," our entire team of artists and animators would smash right through the ceiling. The driving direction for the visuals of the film was to push the limits of every single frame; to challenge audience expectations and make something truly original.
The best thing about this film was that there wasn't a single boring day working on this movie. The hardest thing about this film was also that there wasn't a single boring day working on this movie.
There were times while working on this where the imposter syndrome hit me hard. This was my first big movie, and what a hell of a first movie to get thrust into.
I came in only a few years out of school with absolutely no idea what the hell I was doing. I constantly feared that someone had made a mistake in bringing me onto this film, and I was going to let everyone down. There was a solid chunk of those 2.5 years where I wasn't sure if animation was the right path for me.
If there's anything I could tell my past self it would be this: there are so many people who love you and believe in you. There will be a time when you get to stand on the other side of it, look back on everything and see how far you came.
I'm still working on self-acceptance every day (it will be a lifelong struggle, I'm sure), but I'm glad I didn't give up on myself. I'm proud of myself and my contributions to this film, and I'm certain that this movie will continue to change and shape the animation landscape just as the first one did. That's truly a special feeling to have been a part of. I am so incredibly grateful to every single person who helped me along this journey.
Here come the thanks:
To the ENTIRE visdev & art crew- it's been an honor getting to work alongside each and every one of you. My jaw is literally still on the floor from seeing your incredible talent day after day.
I want to thank Tiffany and Felicia especially for being there for me through tough times- I admire and respect you both so much as artists, and even better than that, my life is greatly enriched for being able to call you my friends.
Thank you Patrick and Dean for taking chances on me, teaching me so much about art and what I'm capable of, and encouraging me along the way. To Aymeric, your art is one of the reasons I initially became interested in animation and you have been one of the kindest & most empathetic mentors I could ever have asked for.
I want to thank my wonderful parents for believing in me always and raising me into the person I am today: everything I do in life is to make you proud. To my brother Andrew who is perpetually awake at 3 AM when I need someone to talk to- thank you for always picking up the phone and making me laugh.
And finally to my partner Luke for making me grilled cheeses on all of the difficult days, for never getting sick of me even when all I would ever talk about was work, and for patiently and steadfastly loving me throughout this entire thing. I don't think I could've done it without you.
Starting tomorrow I will begin posting and sharing some of the art I made for this movie; I'm looking forward to sharing some of my personal favorites with you. I hope each and every one of you enjoys Spiderman: Across the Spiderverse when it hits theaters later today!
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