#and i don’t think that this perfectly encapsulates what i feel but it’s the best i can do

[darlinimamess]

weird identity post warning

i’m a trans man who thought i was a lesbian for a long time and i figured it out eventually but when i did i was really hesitant to let go of the label bc i had found so much community through it. i’d found people who understood me, queer shows and movies, and music that i resonated with. and even though it’s not for me anymore, i still feel very connected to that, especially the music, but i also often feel like i’m not allowed to enjoy it or that i’m intruding on something that is only for wlw, or even just women in general. and i can always understand and connect with it because of my experience before i transitioned but when i engage with certain media, especially in public, it still looks and feels like i’m intruding or trying to make it about me. i feel kind of stuck sometimes- like i’m trying to step away from things that were not made for me, but by doing that there isn’t much that i can connect with. everything made for men is never for all men, it’s for cis men. everything for trans men is either kalvin garrah-fied or cavetown and there’s hardly ever an in between. don’t get me wrong, i enjoy cavetown, but i want something outside of that. anyways. there’s no resolution to this, i don’t have a solution or whatever, i just wanted to say it and see if anyone resonates

[slowcatsworld]

Marc Snuffy and His Nightmares

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

His sight was blurry, like a painting that had been smeared over. Of all the colors blending together, Marc could oh so clearly make out his face.

That sullen, lifeless face. The light that once shone with promise of regality and conquest was replaced with a dull, muddy brown that only encapsulated the horrors of peasantry and failure. The dirty, overgrown locks that covered his forehead instead of that proud, Mohawk-esque hairstyle he would adorn with his full chest. That god awful beard that tainted his once golden skin, matted together with bile that had poured from his mouth. The tear streaks he could barely make out had dried so delicately along his cheeks.

Oh, Mick. How Marc had let you down.

Snuffy’s eyes opened instantly. The hazy blurs of dream began to fade and the harsh lines of reality became more and more apparent with every blink he took.

There was no more Mick. Mick wasn’t next to him, in this bed of love and security that he had nested in so cautiously for months and months. You were, with your hair unkempt and your drool that had seeped from your lips onto your pillow. How similar the two of you look right now, Marc noted with slight horror.

Before he could think much more, his hand was already pressing against your cheek; cradling the side of your face. He cradled Mick just like this too that day. His thumb whisked over your lips as he gathered some of the drool there. He didn’t like it, didn’t like this feeling scalding over his body and mind with such heat. And yet, even though his best friend may live in his head, Marc knows he is gone and you are not.

You are alive, even when you look so dead. Dead to the world, dead to him. The only thing he can be certain of right now is the warmth of your skin and the current of air circulation from your breaths. He can’t trust his thoughts. But he can trust your pulse.

Inhaling with a shake, Marc squints to focus on you more clearly in the dark of the night. Your skin was carefully drawn and colored by Michelangelo himself, with streaks of moonlight giving your skin an ethereal glow. Your hair, though unkempt, foiled and laid to rest around you perfectly. A composition directed by Mozart. You were royal. You are royal.

You are..awake.

Marc stared into your eyes. You stared back, sleep dulling the inquisitive look you were giving him.

“What are you doing?” You mumble, closing your eyes.

He blinks, “How long have you been awake?”

You ignore his question, “I can feel your hand shaking. Do you want to talk about it?”

Your hand comes up and slides in tune with his own. He watches as you press a soft, chaste kiss to his palm. Marc reaches his other hand under you and pulls you towards him. He settles in the crook of your neck, trying to find the peace that sleep did not offer him. You entangle further with him, using your free hand to pet his hair. Moments pass with the two of you just like this.

“I just woke up. Felt you.” You whisper, hoping to draw out a respond from him. He sighs.

“Go back to sleep. I feel you too.”

You line the top of his head with slow kisses. He didn’t want to talk about it.

You knew what happened with Mick Moon. You know how much it haunts Marc. You know that you can’t help him when he tries to shut you out like this. For a guy that’s generally so easy going, he can become real uptight when he feels the need. This need is one you don’t particularly like.

“I love you,” You try. “I love you Marc.”

His breath hitches. That got him, Wetness begins to coat the junction between your neck and shoulder. His body is starting to heave with every muffled sob he lets out. You let him, holding him closely to you as he releases all of that burden he’s been caring.

•••

You don’t know how much has passed. You press a kiss to Marc’s hair again. Your eyelids refuse to open, sleep caging you. Despite that, rest will not find you, not yet. Marc stopped crying a good bit ago, but you speculate the two of you are both still awake. You press another kiss to his head.

“I love you.” You barely hear it. It’s small and weak, probably just like how he feels right now. But it’s raw. Thats one thing Marc always does, and continues to do: love with raw passion. He loved Mick, loves Mick. He has loved you and will still love you well into tomorrow. Just like Mick.

You smile. The waves of dream take over the two of you, that solace of the embrace you two fall asleep in being one of protection and intimacy.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

This biscuit is just for you, mwah 😽

9.8.24

[dearsnow]

PERFECT

- when a storm threatens to ruin your picture perfect wedding, a stranger and his guitar save the day. (bradley “rooster” bradshaw x fem!reader, wedding fluff, if i see the word “perfect” one more time i think i’m going to throw up, part of the “wedding bells” collection, ⚠️ mentions of alcohol / being drunk but it’s very minor)

• mood board

word count: 1,269

a/n - this was inspired by a tiktok video of a couple having their first dance as a married couple in a hotel basement because of a tornado evacuation 🥹 it genuinely almost made me cry because it was so sweet and such a special moment. cheers to that couple, happy belated birthday bradley bradshaw, and enjoy the fic <3 p.s. if you want to read their vows i can type up what i think they would say

“And do you, Bradley Bradshaw, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, your best friend, and your life’s love?” The officiant speaks. Bradley has tears in his eyes, and it takes everything in you not to drop his hands and wipe them with the pad of your thumb. You’re crying, too, the emotion choking you. You almost couldn’t speak a few seconds earlier, when it was your turn. Everything is just so perfect.

The wedding bouquet held by your maid of honor is a combination of your favorite flower and his, and you’re standing under a flowery arch, the sound of waves behind you. The soft grass underneath your shoes is full and green and sandy. And, God, does Bradley look gorgeous.

His hair is styled down to the last hair, his mustache is trimmed, and his crisp suit hugs him well. In his opinion, you look even better. He could hardly believe his eyes when you stepped out to walk down the aisle, and the waterworks started soon after.

He takes a breath. “I do.”

The officiant smiles, his eyes crinkling as he takes you both in. “Then I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

Time seems to slow as Bradley pulls you in, cupping the back of your head and dropping the other to your waist, dipping you back. His lips meet yours not a second later, and the beach erupts in cheers. All you can hear is muffled clapping as you kiss him, eyes closed, trusting that his strong arms will not let you tumble into the ground. Everything is so soft yet so passionate, like his hands when he slides them across your shoulders or his hair when you tangle your fingers in it. When you come up for air, breathless, the world snaps into motion.

As soon as you pull away, the sky gives a mighty rumble. Your gaze snaps to the clouds hanging over your quaint area. You’d noticed them coming in, of course, but you figured it was just the normal sea haze. As a drop of rain hits your perfectly done-up face, you know you were wrong.

“Shit.” Bradley mumbles. “Baby, I think we need to take a rain check.”

The guests begin to scramble, the more helpful ones picking up their chairs and making a beeline for the covered canopy that encapsulates a small section of the beach. Lightning sets the sky ablaze as people scramble out of the water and off the sand, heading for that same cramped canopy. You can hear thunder rumbling away as your now-husband shields your face with his suit jacket, ushering you towards cover.

For the nth time today, you feel like crying— this time, though, a negative emotion drives the feeling. You had everything planned out so perfectly, and the rain has come to ruin it. You even picked out a beautiful early-summer day with moderate temperatures and no chance of rain to avoid situations like this. You were going to have your first dance on the beach, for fuck’s sake, after swapping your heels for a matching pair of sandals. Now you wouldn’t even have one at all.

The canopy is barely big enough for your wedding party, not to mention the guests and random people that were caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. You sigh, words heavy in your mouth. ���If you have a car nearby, it might be better if you just go on home. I don’t know when, or if, the rain will let up.”

The crowd gives a soft murmur as a few people dash out into the rain. Before long, the only people left are those who are closest to you. You guess they don’t want to leave you alone when the happiest day of your life just got soaked in sky water. There’s another random guy, though, carrying what looks to be a very expensive acoustic guitar. He looks out into the rain cautiously, judging whether or not he can shield the guitar with his jacket before the instrument inevitably gets soaked. He pulls his head back and meets your eyes. You look away. You can’t do this right now, any of it.

Bradley places a comforting hand on your lower back and rubs it through the fabric of your wedding dress. His brows are furrowed tightly, but he doesn’t speak. He can’t, really, no one can. All you manage to choke out is one watery sentence.

“We didn’t even dance yet.” You sniffle. Bradley pulls you into a hug and you don’t protest, even though it’s sure to mess up your hair. You press your face fully into his shoulder, the smell of cologne and flowers invading your senses. It’s almost comforting. You don’t even notice the guy with the guitar clearing his throat until he speaks.

“I can play a few songs if you guys want.” You look up, glancing over his sheepish expression. “For your dance.”

Your husband is rubbing your shoulder soothingly, looking down at you with a quirked eyebrow. “How do you feel about a live band, honey?”

You take a deep breath, wiping away the remnants of your tears. The guy strums his guitar once, like it’s waiting for your answer too. You nod once, offering a small, watery smile. “That would be really nice. Thank you.”

The crowd clears a small area in the center of the canopy, the driest place that could be found. The man, who tells you his name is John, plays a few experimental chords as the din dies down. You step out into the clearing, hand in hand with Bradley. It’s a bit nerve-wracking, having all those eyes on you, but the gentle thrum of his pulse against yours quiets any sort of negative emotion. Right now, it’s just you, him, and the starting notes of “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran.

You don’t know if it would be your first choice for your first dance, but that doesn’t matter. Bradley is stepping in rhythm to you, like you practiced during your small rehearsal. What wasn’t practiced are the grins on both of your faces and the sweet voices singing out from the people around you. They grow louder, stronger, as the first verse pushes on. Bradley spins you around and your head falls back just enough to get the most amazing view of everyone.

Bob is moving to the beat, his soft, surprisingly musically inclined voice carrying perfectly. Natasha is grinning like the Cheshire Cat, her half-up hairdo somewhat wet. Your best friend is loudly belting the words, probably having had a bit too much to drink while she was helping you get ready. Family, friends, everything. This is what love feels like, you think. Love doesn’t come from planning, from meticulous thinking and wondering and worrying, but from the people around you and the joy they bring.

“I don’t deserve this,” Bradley whisper-sings, not loud enough for anyone but you to hear, “darling, you look perfect tonight.”

The song ends with a flourish, leaving you warm-cheeked and panting. You both bow to the crowd’s raucous cheers and Bradley captures you in one more kiss. “How are you feeling?” He asks, gaze drifting over your dazzling smile. The day can be good yet, he thinks.

“Perfect.” You breathe. “No matter what happens, if I’m with you, it’ll always be perfect.”

In one moment, your wedding turned from ruined in your eyes to a memory you’re sure to cherish for years to come. You just have John, your loved ones, and the man you married to thank.

Taglist: @seitmai

[woso-fan13]

Comfortember 2023: 26 (Barca)

26. Friends

You had been hesitant to accept the dinner invitation that Lucy and Kiera had forced upon you at practice. You knew that they could tell that something was off, but you were fine. You didn’t need your coworkers butting into your personal life. 

On the other hand, the invitation promised a warm meal and a comfortable location, so you couldn’t think of a good enough reason not to go. With slight hesitancy, you accept the invitation. 

The two older women quickly become excited, insisting that you simply ride home with them. You couldn’t argue with them, they knew you weren’t old enough to drive yourself and this solution made sense. Plus, they promised to drop you off at home after, so you would be spared from the mile and a half walk home from the stadium. 

—-

You find both your excitement and dread growing as practice continues, finally finding yourself showered and changed into comfortable clothes. If you had known, you would have put more effort into your outfit. 

Once all three of you are ready, the two lead you out to the car. You slot yourself into the backseat easily and light conversation fills the air as you leave. 

Lucy pulls the car up in front of a sweet little house, somehow the perfect combination of the two women. It seems like a paradise for the women, and you’re afraid to break the serenity by entering. You don’t have much choice, though, as Lucy eagerly shows you inside. 

You pause in the doorway, training bag still in your hand. You feel so out of place in this loving home, you’re not sure what you’re supposed to do. What you want to do is turn around and run out the door, but that probably isn’t the best option. You’ll keep it as a backup plan, though. 

“C’mon, kid,” Lucy’s voice pulls you out of your thoughts, “just drop your stuff anywhere, no worries. Kiera’s gonna put the takeaway order in while I give you a tour.”

You nod in response, looking around the entry before settling your bag into the corner. It looked how you felt- grossly out of place. You didn’t have time to ponder this too much, as a firm hand on your shoulder guided you through to the living room

Lucy’s tour was thorough- to say the least.  You didn’t see why it was necessary for you to see every room of the house, but Lucy was animated and you were soaking in every small detail of how much this house encapsulated the way Lucy and Kiera melded perfectly. 

You ended back in the living room just as Kiera wandered in from the kitchen. She informs the two of you that dinner had been ordered and would be about an hour before suggesting that you watch a football match. You agree, eager to stop the awkward silence that had started creeping in. 

Lucy is more hesitant to agree, shifting slightly. You see the two women make eye contact, Kiera aggressively nodding to the tv set before Lucy agrees. The two settle on the sofa while you choose the chair. 

You mindlessly watch the match, already knowing the outcome from when you had watched it previously. You can tell the other two aren’t fully paying attention, as they are constantly looking at each other and whispering. 

“Oh, look at that,” Lucy grabs your attention, “do you see that sponsor in the background, for the boots? I completely forgot that they sent me a pair, but they don’t fit. Maybe you can try them on.”

Her acting is atrocious, honestly. Still, you’ve heard great things about this brand and you would love to see the boots. You agree to see them, opening the box and gently unfolding the paper. Your fingers run across the laces, moving to feel the logo. 

“Try them on,” Kiera encourages you, “they won’t fit either of us. Maybe someone can get some use out of them.”

They fit perfectly. Still, though, you don’t feel that you can take them. Kiera eventually has enough of your protesting, taking the shoes back from you. She exits the room, unzipping your training bag and ungracefully dumping them inside. 

“There, that’s settled. Dinner should be here soon, let’s get the table laid.”

Dinner was a relaxed affair, the food warm as it coats your taste buds. Conversation flows smoothly, carried mostly by Lucy and Kiera as you play with the food on your plate. As the meal progresses, you become more comfortable and join in more on the conversation. 

You help to clean up the kitchen after, an indication that the night is wrapping up. As much as you had not wanted to come, you find yourself not wanting to leave now. 

“It's very dark outside,” Kiera points out, “we can take you home now, but I don’t want to risk anything by driving too late.”

You look outside, where the sun is just barely dipping below the horizon, casting a warm glow. You look back to Kiera. 

“It might be safer for you to spend the night here. We’ve got pajamas you can borrow and you already have all of your things for training tomorrow.”

You feel a smile growing on your face, catching on. 

“I heard it might storm soon,” Lucy chimes in, “that would probably make travel pretty rough.”

The sky is completely clear.

You nod slowly, “I think that staying over might be a good idea, if it’s not too much trouble. Just to be safe.”

Lucy nods, “just to be safe. I'll make sure the guest bedroom is set for you.”

She exits the room, leaving Kiera alone. She walks to stand beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. 

“Thanks,” you mumble quietly. 

“Of course,” she responds easily, “what are friends for.”

[blobpsycho]

This gif perfectly encapsulates what I love about Tome. All girls have been this gif. Like remember having undiagnosed mental issues and your family makes you go on an outing that should be fun but you’re just pissed off constantly because youre a 14 year old girl? Tome gets it.

Like YOU’RE GOING SOMEWHERE TO DO SOMETHING THAT SPECIFICALLY PERTAINS TO YOUR INTERESTS. But youre a 14 year old girl and nobody will ever take you seriously and you’ve just got this pit of hopelessness in your stomach despite the fact that nothing is technically wrong

so even though youre on an outing planned for you you can’t shake the feeling that everyone is just making fun of you for being so upset over seemingly nothing. These are your friends and family, you deep down they wouldnt do that, but why else would they go out of their way?

They certainly wouldn’t do it for you, right? I mean nothing’s even technically wrong. You’re just being a crybaby and they all must think youre just being a dramatic teenage girl. And you are and you know that you are so why can’t you just get over it and be normal?

And when you finally can’t take the pain that’s screaming in your chest because everything feels wrong wrong and everything is going wrong and everything is wrong wrong wrong you can’t help but cry. And you’re embarrassed and you’re furious and you’re supposed to be mature and you’re supposed to not care but you cry.

Crying feels worse than the growing internal discomfort did because now everyone is looking at you. They’re staring in uncomfortable suprise at what you’re sure is the most unsuprising sight in the world - a 14 year old girl crying. You want to go home but you can’t. You’re 14. You can’t do anything on your own.

You react to the terrifying ordeal of being reacted to the only way you know how - with anger. You monologue through hot tears and sobs and snot how you didn’t even wanna be here and how you just *know* everyone is just doing this to make fun of you and how they should just go on ahead and leave you wherever you are (you know this can’t happen. They wouldn’t leave a 14 year old girl somewhere unfamiliar on her own) and something in you hopes that they’ll yell back, that they’ll treat you like you’re irrational and make you feel justified in your anger.

…But that doesn’t happen. The silence persists but you realize that it’s more contemplative than judgemental. They’re not afraid of you, though you think they should be. Rather than letting them say something sentimental about caring and being concerned or any sappy bullshit that will only serve to make you cry more, you wipe your face on your sleeve continue on your journey.

The day gets better. After everyone gathers that no, you don’t wanna talk about it, it almost feels like nothing happened to begin with- besides the slight exhaustion you feel every time you blink and the intense stress sweat you choose to blame on anything else.

By the time you get home, the day is mentally logged as a good day. You decide - albeit tentatively - that maybe you’re going to be ok. Maybe you won’t be a 14 year old girl forever.

You go to bed and have the best sleep you’ve had in months.

[undeadmagick]

How my Deities Appear to Me ♡

One of my very first posts was talking about how surreal it was to see my deities (or how they present themselves to me). You can find it here. So I decided to make a whole post to show what they look like to me with descriptions and some images to kinda explain what I mean. :)

Note: I haven’t meditated with Lucifer before so his appearance isn’t clear to me. Also Apollo had a blurred/unclear face to me when we met so in this post, I’ll be talking about my other deities. If this is an interesting post, I might make a pt. 2 with Apollo even though his face is somewhat unclear to me.

Extra Note: Again, these are how they appear to ME. Obviously, deities present themselves as they think is most identifiable/comfortable to each individual. :)

Deities Featured: Hades, Freyja, Jörmungandr

Hades

Hades has always been the most clear to me. I don’t know if it was because I hold onto the memory so tightly or if it’s because I feel the most connected to him. But for Hades, he presents himself as an older man (late 50s). Many lines on his face with incredibly strong features like a prominent nose. Characters like Snape or Death from Supernatural have that side profile that is similar to how he presents himself to me. Although, Death has the most accurate face to me since Hades has that prominent bump in his nose, sunken in cheeks and thin lips. He has long, sleek black hair and usually wears a black version of Ancient Greek robes that hang off of one shoulder. He also holds his bident, using it almost like a walking stick as he walks. Incredibly tall (Although that’s a feature for most of my deities. For some reason, they all appear to be like 9ft tall.)

Freyja

Freyja also appears to me as an older woman. She has lines on her face like a woman in her older 40-50s. She always keeps a stoic look on her face, cold eyes but warm demeanor in a way. Lagertha from Vikings has a similar vibe to Freyja in having an intimidating and fierce aura but I would say Michelle Pfeiffer when playing Janet van Dyne has a more accurate appearance. Michelle has those high cheeks with lines coming from her nose downward as well as a square-ish face that Freyja has. A mature, motherly appearance while having a femininity to her which perfectly encapsulates Freyja being the goddess of love & beauty but also goddess of war. Freyja also has long ash blonde hair with some small braids in it. Most notably, she wears furs over her shoulders and golden metal jewelry. Much like Hades, she is incredibly tall, towering over me.

Jörmungandr

Ohh, my only non-human deity, lol. Bit more complicated to explain but I’ll try my best. So, obviously, he doesn’t appear as large as he’s described in mythology (or else I’d be 10x smaller than his pupils). He is similar in size to his model in the GOW game, large enough to dwarf you but small enough to fit into a deep lake/ocean. Different to that game, his scales are a deep blue/black in color. But similar to that game is that his appearance is a mix of a snake and more draconic features. His head isn’t as flat as a snake’s but is more pronounced with spikes amongst his scales like a dragon would have. His nostrils aren’t as high up like the game but instead the usual snake placement of being lower and to the front. His eyes are golden sometimes but not incredibly bright. While he is incredibly intimidating, both in attitude and size—causing my heart to race, meditation sessions tend to me calm. (Funny how looking for images that resemble him are more heartracing/anxiety inducing than actually seeing him lol. He has chill vibes.) Since he doesn’t speak physically, it tends to be quiet with just the sounds of the waves of the ocean. Only his head and some of his body appears out of the water. I’ve never seen his entire being.

[gingerjolover]

hiii mama g!!! it’s my birthday today and so i’ve been thinking about what julien would be like on soft!gf’s birthday. first off, BIRTHDAY POST!!! (i’m taking her birthday post for herself into consideration while typing this) i think it’d be a slideshow of pictures, a couple that she’s taken of you and a couple that the boys or members of muna have taken of you. she’d definitely write a lengthy paragraph where every sentence is articulate and sooo meaningful to the point where it’s like your heart beats abnormally faster as you continue to read because she’s just SOOOO!!!!!!

secondly, i don’t really Imagine julien and soft!gf as hugeeee party people, so i don’t think they’d stay up at the strike of midnight waiting for soft!gf’s birthday. instead, i think julien wakes up at the crack of dawn, and obviously she knows how to cook, so she makes not only the most pleasing breakfast JUST to look at, but the most delicious breakfast for the both of them. so then soft!gf wakes up to julien, who’s already smiling ear to ear holding a tray table and setting it down before just peppering you with kisses and saying happy birthday in between each kiss I CANTTTTT IM FEELING ALL FUZZY shes so cutesie

and 24/7 on your bday, acts of service julien just never stops. she does every minor thing you’re so capable of doing for you. finished your breakfast? julien’s already taken it to the kitchen and washing the dishes. dropped something? she’s bent down to grab it for you. also, even though she already does this, she makes sure to open every single door for you, pull out the chair you’re gonna sit at, open the car door for you… like she is ON IT!

and then after having made sure she’s done (almost……) everything in her power to ensure that the day was all about you, there’s just oneeee more thing she was waiting to do to realllyyyy show how much she loves you…….. you get the VIBES! won’t say too much on that cause i’ve already talked your ear off and once i start, i won’t be able to stop BUT YEAHHHH JULIEN ON SOFT!GF’S BDAY ☹️☹️☹️💘

first off, HAPPY BDAY BABY!!!!! I hope you had SUCH a great day<3

and you are soooooooo right, i fully believe that acts of service is julien’s main love language (i have a blurb coming up about love languages for munagenius) and your birthday is the PERFECT excuse for her to literally wait on you hand and foot

as for the insta post i think you’re 1000% right and i can literally imagine julien scrolling through her album of you (of pics she’s taken but also ones that she’s been sent of you from muna or the boys or mutual friends) she would be so fucking picky about which photos to post making sure they encapsulate your personality perfectly and you’re right the post would be so beautiful and so heartwarming 😭 i think she would take the time to post the pics of your initials on her finger or a tattoo she got for you with you like posing cheekily with a thumbs up next to her or something

and i agree, unless it was a big birthday i can’t imagine them throwing a party but maybe if your best friend was in town or maybe your family or if it was a bigger bday and the boys, muna, kelli and ally and other friends wanted to do something for you it would still be super lowkey and julien would spend the whole day with you beforehand

she gives off the vibes of like if you open your door yourself she leans over, closes it and then runs to your side of the car like a bullet and then opens it, she def gets grumbly when you try and do stuff yourself

and I GET THE VIBES BABE I DO, i think she would just want it to be extra special and do everything you wanna do (she def makes a birthday sex playlist with an obsecure name i will die on this hill)

i also wanted to add she def wants to do everything for you on your bday, i think canonically soft!gf and julien don’t exchange gifts, like not big ones, mainly because they both do a lot of little things throughout the year, but julien ALWAYS spoils you on your bday, its usually stuff that’s practical but she loves to get you little things to watch you open in bed when your hair is all messy and eyes are sleepy, you’re like holding the covers up over your chest and she’s rubbing your back as you unwrap a bunch of little presents 🥹

[leejenowrld]

I HAVE QUESTIONS!!!

for yn and jeno

- what songs do you dedicate to each other? like what songs do you think of when you think of the other?

- is there anything you regret (sexually?)

- how does it feel when you see the other upset and mad?

- do you get along with each others friends?

- who’s louder in bed?

- jeno, what’s your opinion on what seoyeon did to yn that one time?

-

<3333 i love this

what songs do you dedicate to each other?

yn - i love you by little mix. it’s a strong love ballad. i really resonate with the lyrics. it’s emotional, it’s powerful, it makes me happy, it makes me cry, it gives me life. the song perfectly encapsulates what it’s like to love lee jeno and what it feels like to be loved by him

jeno - here with me by dVvd, i don’t care what happens in my life, as long as i’m with yn then it’s all that matters. i just want her by my side, with me. we belong with each other.

(jeno) nothing on you by bruno mars, i wanna be yours, moments by one direction,

(yn) pretty boy the neighbourhood, style by taylor swift, glue song by beabadoobaee

is there anything you regret sexually?

yn - hm, i mean, not really? we always have fun and we always talk about what we should explore/what we liked and what we didn’t really like.

jeno - fuck no.

how does it feel when you see the other upset/mad?

yn - jeno gets upset very rarely. i’ve seen him cry like 3 times in the years we’ve been together. and each time killed me. if i think about it now then i will sob. you know that something hits jeno hard when it causes him to cry. all i could do was comfort him and hold him as he sobbed into my shoulder :( he cried himself to sleep all three times. i tried to hide my tears from him and not show him that i was getting upset but we ended up crying to each other all 3 times :( i want nothing in the world to ever hurt my man. like i will become violent at anyone or anything that makes him feel that way

and when he’s mad? oh he gets mad a lot. it’s not that difficult to calm him down for me, i’ve become quite good at it. i sit attentively and listen to him as he lets it out and then i actively calm him down, kisses on his temple, holding his hands, rubbing his shoulder, rubbing his cheek with my thumb, whispering softly to him. it’s all the small things that calms him down. he becomes very overwhelmed with anger and it’s gotten him into many fights, verbal and physical. he isn’t afraid to defend what’s right and that’s what i love about him, his priorities are so strong <3 there hasn’t been a time where he’s been in the wrong or he’s picked a fight for the wrong reasons. he doesn’t ever pick them. he’s mature.

jeno - yn gets quite sad and emotional, she probably cries in my arms every week and it hurts me every single time. she’s very sensitive and i don’t wanna call my girl weak but she takes a lot of things to heart, she feels everything and she feels it a lot. she can’t deal well with confrontation or any sign of misunderstandings and she just bursts open in my arms and lets everything out :( when she’s upset she begins hyperventilating and sobbing really loudly, she can’t get her words out and she shakes. so the first thing i do is drop everything for her and just hold her, put her in my arms, massage her hair, kiss her forehead, look into her eyes and whisper sweet things to her. i just wait for her to calm down before we start talking. it takes a while sometimes, sometimes she’s able to recover quickly. whichever one it is, i’m always so proud of her. she’s so strong. we always talk about what’s on her mind and what’s made her upset and i try my best to guide her through it and help her on what she has to do, i try to give her good advice. i’m so endlessly proud of her. she just has a big heart and gets overwhelmed a lot. i wish i could take away her pain.

jeno - my girlfriend doesn’t get mad, she has so much patience, more patience than i will ever have. but she can get snappy when she’s stressed and under high pressure. it’s okay though, it’s nothing serious. 9/10 she will always come into my arms and kiss me all over my face and apologise for being snappy with me

do you get along with each others friends?

yn - yeah! i love them. at first i was really shy and they all probably thought i was anti social. i’m sure they wasn’t too keen on me but i hope i’ve changed their minds :) they’re chill and good company, they make jeno happy and that’s all that matters. they’re incredibly caring and protective too. i’m someone who gets suffocated in the presence of others but none of jenos friends make me feel that way :)

jeno - yn has like… maybe three friends and one of them is me 😭 i’m joking. yn’s main friend is heejin and i do love her. mainly after seeing how good of a friend she is to yn. she always protects and defends her and she makes my girlfriend happy. yn has a habit of not defending herself, she lets people shit on her and treat her like crap but heejin always fights for her and it warms my heart. she fights back to all the girls who are so unnecessarily rude and bitchy to yn. once she punched seoyeon in the face and wow… i’m glad because she does things that i can’t do

who’s louder in bed?

yn - definitely jeno

jeno - what the fuck? it’s you

yn - [shakes her head] jeno doesn’t try to be quiet. he wants everyone to hear. it’s a kink i think. he says the dirtiest of things at the top of his lungs

jeno - it’s 100% yn. she will scream at the top of her lungs all night long. she will scream daddy, baby and jeno the most. even when she’s tired and so fucked out of her mind she still forces herself to have the energy to scream one more ‘JENO’ or ‘DADDY!!’

yn - he doesn’t care who hears or sees him, that’s why he always fucks me in the living room or in public, he wants people to see.

jeno - says the girl who rode my dick on the train home

yn - there was like one other person in the carriage and she was old and blind anyways!

jeno - well she wasn’t death, she could hear you moaning ‘daddy’

[f0point5]

i wanna try to word this question as best as i can so i apologize if it doesn’t make sense in advance.

which TS songs would you say are driver coded or any song in general that you feel in your opinion matches best with their vibe?

This was such a fun question! I hope you like how I answered it 💕

I will say I don’t have songs in mind for every driver. Like, you could have lyrics, but i don’t think about most drivers enough to think which songs fit them so I’ve just gone with the drivers and relationships that come to mind, I hope that’s okay!

Castles Crumbling was written for one Charles Leclerc. I will take no criticism.

Long Live was written about Red Bull Racing in 2021. Change was written about Max in 2021.

Nothing New is for Lando. Held up as a future world champion, the next British wunderkid, cute and adorable and so funny. Until he became Lando NoWins, and his adorable personality became construed as childish, and what they once called humour they called arrogance. He was their darling until he was no longer an ingenue. And Oscar is the young gun who is learning the way up from him, and no matter how loves Oscar and wishes him well, i think it stings.

Mirrorball is for Daniel. Because even when the circus show ends, he will still be trying everything to keep you laughing at him.

You’re Losing Me is so Toto and Lewis coded. Lewis fell out of love with that team right under Toto’s nose and Toto just didn’t want to try anymore.

Logan is so This Is Me Trying because all his cages are mental, and he’s getting wasted like all his potential. He beat all the odds to get to the top only to circle back around to the bottom, which is the weirdest and most painful place to be. Because how do you tell people it’s hard and you’re trying when you have nothing to show for it.

Someone will probably read this and hate me but I feel like RB teammate relations with Max are so Mr. Perfectly Fine coded. It just perfectly encapsulates that hint of bitterness that you feel when you’re drowning and the other person seems perfectly fine. How it starts off with him just being this nice guy and a good teammate, but he slowly becomes the monster under your bed. He gets on with his job and he’s not even thinking about you but the inadequacy starts to consume you and he becomes all you think about. Like, obviously the character isn’t Max at all but I feel like he becomes that boogeyman to his teammates. And then the flip side of that is When Emma Falls in Love, a more healthy admiration and maybe a bit of starstruck envy.

These are the ones that immediately came to mind, and I did only whole songs not lyrics or we’d be here all day lol.

If I’ve missed any glaringly obvious ones someone help a girl out!

[nijigasakilove]

“You showed me this world. You helped me see how beautiful it is. Because you’re in it.”

Have y’all ever bawled your eyes out not because you’re sad but because of how genuinely beautiful something is? Yea that’s me rn. I haven’t felt this in a while. Thank you Shin-Ei, Ushio Kensuke and all the staff involved for reminding me of why I love this medium and all the emotions it can make me feel. Episodes like this truly do remind me of why I love anime.

25 episodes of build up culminating in what has to be one of the best confessions ever. So pure, simple and yet poignant. Perfectly encapsulated both Kyo and Anna’s personality and how much they’ve grown as people since meeting each other. The fact Kyo was able to look her straight in the eye and say without pausing or stuttering why he loves her and all that she’s done for him.. just so proud of my boy. All the obstacles he’s overcome in these two seasons from talking to teachers, to announcing the departing third years, all led to this moment.

Then Kyo revealing all the snacks he packed for Yamada because he knew she’d go to her audition.. he’s become the perfect dependable boyfriend already without even realising it.

But that wasn’t even the best part.. the first OP playing as Kyo ran to the school library to meet Anna after the audition, perfect. 😩 There was only ever going to be one place where her confession could take place, the library. A place where they first connected and their love story began.

“Ichikawa Kyotaro, you’re more important than anything. You’re more important than anyone. You’re my everything. I love you” 😭 and the kiss(cheek, but hey, baby steps!) immaculate finale to an all time great story. The love and care that went into this was so palpable and I can’t thank the staff enough. What a ride.

review: https://myanimelist.net/reviews.php?id=520366

[melokaji]

autistic coding in fruits basket

Intro

I am autistic, and I tend to get attached to media that I feel represented by. Perhaps that is why I gravitate so strongly to Furuba. While I don’t think it was intentional on Natsuki Takaya’s part, I do think she did a wonderful job of coincidentally creating characters that feel like they are on the spectrum. The name Fruits Basket and the allegory it’s referring to actually mirrors that of an autistic person in a way. I remember reading the background behind “Fruits Basket” and Tohru’s precious mascot, the onigiri, as well as watching the scene describing it in the anime. It immediately resonated with me.

From being singled out as the only one to not fit in the fruit basket, to not realizing that that isolation was teasing, this embodies my autistic experience so seamlessly. An onigiri who doesn't go in a fruit basket.

Tohru

While I'd like to touch on a few other characters as well, I'll keep the theme of Tohru's autistic coding and start with one of Takaya's answers to an interview question, pictured in the Official Cat Fanbook.

A unique personality and perspective paired with hyper-empathy are qualities carried by many autistic individuals, including myself! There have been many studies linking both lower levels of empathy as well as contrastingly overwhelming levels of empathy in autistic people, such as what Tohru displays. Another fun tidbit, is that we also tend to have more empathy towards animals, which in the context of Furuba makes sense haha ^^

I've seen people argue about Tohru's polite language not being related to autism because it originated from her trying to help her mom who was grieving over Katsuya, but aside from the fact that linguistic differences like more verbose and complex are indeed a trait of autism so is echolalia and mimicry of other's speech patterns!

Here is a diagram of panels featuring Tohru that display autistic traits, in my opinion (If you have issues with quality, please use this link)

While these are brief instances, I thought it would be fun to compile some of my favorites! It may seem like I am grasping at straws, but I just want to give some more overt context to how I feel she displays traits of autism. If you're interested in more elaboration on Tohru's potential autism, I recommend reading @threeshadesofanime 's post titled "Tohru is Autistic", or @/TalesOfTetra 's thread on twitter titled "Tohru Honda And Her Autistic Traits".

Hanajima

The second character I am focusing on is Saki Hanajima, one of Tohru's best friends and also another one of the (in my opinion) most autistic coded characters in Furuba. Though her personality contrasts Tohru's, she undoubtedly shares some of the same traits. Hanajima's powers in themself almost seem like a metaphor for autism. This was pointed out originally by @kdreader02 and I found myself thinking the same thing when I first read it. Hearing everyone's "waves" and loud voices almost seems like overstimulation or sensory overload that many autistic people experience. This scene encapsulates that perfectly, in my opinion

Here are my favorite autistic coded panels of Hanajima's! (If you have issues with quality, please use this link)

Others While I focused on Tohru and Hanajima, many other characters in Furuba have subtle coding to them, whether it be autistic or other neurodiversities. Haru has some autistic coding, Machi seems very OCD coded, etc. etc. Give me your honest opinions please! Do you agree with my interpretation of these characters?

[boldlygreatsuit]

Why I love one-sided radiostatic

Before I start this little rant I must disclose that I’m aroace (so please know that this isn’t me trying to erase his orientation and present asexually as a problem, this is me trying to explore these complex and flawed characters) and so naturally I love the representation of alastor also being aroace so maybe me shipping radiostatic is a little hypocritical of me but I can’t help but love the story and tragic character exploration behind it.

Personally I like to believe that Alastor GENUINELY loved Vox, just not in the way he wanted. (They had some kind of queer platonic relationship but Vox wanted more and Al felt uncomfortable) And I think it killed Alastor to hurt his closest friend so much when he turned him down, I’ve been through something similar with an old friend I used to have. I know what’s it like so maybe I’m projecting onto Al but ehhhh.

It’s easy to just paint alastor and a evil psychopathic serial killer, a cannibal, and sadist, who loves torturing and tormenting people, don’t get me wrong, he is all those things but don’t forget he’s also human, he still has emotions no matter how much he represses them for the sake of his pride, reputation and self preservation. I could totally see him struggling to understand why’s he’s different and just brushing it off, after all, it’s never been an issue before now. He never had many close friends, nobody he’d ever be interested in pursuing. And now the person he loves the most wants him and he cant bring himself to want him back no matter how much he wants too.

I like the idea that Alastor wants to want him so much but he just can’t and it absolutely destroys him. He feels guilty and ashamed that he cant reciprocate Voxs feeling towards him (remember he’s from the 1930s, I doubt he knows what the LGTB is, let alone asexually so he’s probably under the impression that’s he’s broken in some regard. He probably never gave romantic and sex much thought, assuming that he would start feeling something eventually but nothing ever happened). While Vox just cant understand why he doesn’t like him back and keeps trying and it creates an uncomfortable situation for both of them.

I think radiostatic can be so tragic, they both love each other but in different ways and it tears them apart and they lose their closest friend due to it. Which ends up with them both bitter, raw and angry. Both blaming each other outwardly (Vox hating that Alastor rejected him while Alastor is upset that Vox went and caught feelings, complicating their perfectly platonic relationship) but internally hating themselves (Vox thinks he did something wrong to scare alastor away while Alastor hates that he couldn’t feel the same way).

I know Alastor is a very prideful person but I think behind closed doors his incredibly sentimental, after all, he’s pretty much a snapshot of the 1930s and he doesn’t seem to happy about change. So I could just imagine him up at night staring at the ceiling struggling with what he could do, whether or not, he should just lie to keep Vox happy and enter a relationship He does not want to be in so he can avoid losing his best friend (but also risk leading him on); or he turns him down and is honest with himself, not forcing himself into a relationship he doesn’t want but irreversibly hurting Vox in the process, and also risking losing Vox forever.

This could also create an interesting situation where Alastor agrees to date Vox and really tries to love him, hoping that maybe he’ll start feeling something eventually or at least get used to it. Of course this doesn’t really work and just creates resentment and pent-up emotions. Due to lying to Vox about wanting him and digging himself into this hole and the longer he stays the harder it is to leave without hurting Vox, this could lead to a messy breakup when Al just cant take it anymore and leaves.

I think “never love an anchor” and “tongue and teeth” are such perfect songs to encapsulate this kind of situation, the guilt and remorse but also the inevitability and hopelessness of it, the knowledge that there ISNT a right answer, no fairytale ending, this isn’t something to be overcome only accepted, and no matter what is done someone gets hurt severely and the only question is who and by how much. 

I want to see a Alastor and Vox confrontation where we see how upset they are and how they’re equally heartbroken. Al for the first time shows actual vulnerability as he’s expressing his self loathing and guilt towards his choices but even so he stands by them and tries to defend them. He hates that he did what he did but there wasn’t another option for him and he didnt know what to do.

They both struggle with their emotions but also their pride and respective personas, not wanting to put aside their pride and admit their own shortcomings and guilt, and be genuinely honest and vulnerable with each other. They want to comfort the other but they’re just at a point where they don’t know if they could, if it would make it worse. they both still love each so so so much (in different ways) but it’s all wrapped up in fear, resentment, guilt and heartbreak which complicates things.

Ngl the best outcome is these two going to therapy, probably Charlie, and actually learn how to communicate.

[icypantherwrites]

hi hello I normally do asks anonymously but I wanted you to personally know

I found you a couple days ago i believe and oh my god. Are you like, an angel?? Dude. You’ve written over 200 works, nearly 90% of them being in the vld fandom. I feel like no one gives you enough credit for your contributions to fanfic, especially in the vld fandom. I can’t even begin to think of 20 ideas for a fanfic. You’ve had probably over thousands. You are genuinely one of the most talented writers I’ve ever come across. I love how you write angst and pain. It’s done so in a way that can hurt you so deeply yet leave you wanting for more. Just perfectly encapsulated what it is like to read angst because you did it. in a way that clearly shows you understood the assignment. I love how you write yearning and internal turmoil. I love how you write rising tension and build up anticipation. It leaves me on the edge of my seat every time and I get so excited every time something super important happens. I love how you write each of the characters’ relationships with one another. It can literally feel so personal to see them interact. my favs of yours are probably keith and shiro <and> lance and hunk. You are such a great writer and I don’t think you get enough recognition or appreciation because oh my god. Every time I read your works it is just masterpiece after masterpiece. And the way you end them?? You know just how to make an ending to a story so satisfactory. Because you write the beginning to be satisfactory. You write the middle to be satisfactory. You write every single chapter, paragraph, sentence, and word to make sure that the story concludes in a way that leaves you feeling content. I am genuinely always baffled at how godly your writing is. How you never get any credit where it is clearly due is completely insane. You have done wonders in this world, even if it just seems like a little corner of it. You were here. And you did good for so many. You are so amazing and I don’t know how many ways I could possibly tell that to you. If you ever were to write an original work I would make sure to personally buy ten thousand copies all on my own. Because I know damn well that if you wrote it, it is going to be one of the best pieces of literature ever written. You are so. So. So so so so so so so so soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo amazing. And awesome. And cool. And great.

So much love.

You are incredible.

🩷🩷

So I would like to preface this response by noting that I've had regular asks closed for the last few months due to just a lot of negative feelings with the entitlement behind the asks, and anonymous asks closed for the last year due to various reasons but the most common one being trolls and hate mail. Following a recent livestream on my Patreon I kind of said screw it, let's just see how it goes again and opened them and so the fact that this absolute sweetheart gem of an ask is the first thing I get not even two days later is just... wow, thank you. I've only read this like ten times now.

I just wanted to say this comment makes me feel very seen and appreciated and all of the kind words are backed up by the fact I do indeed recognize your name (so I am glad you didn't submit this as anon!) as having popped into a number of my stories over the past week or so and leaving such sweet comments. It truly means a lot. And as an aside, I am very excited to see you (hopefully) back for the final chapters of Missing as (ironically) a lot of the audience went missing the last few ;p So I do hope you enjoy it and would love to hear your thoughts there! As you observed, it's definitely a bit of a rough go to put all this time and effort into writing and sharing my works and not really seeing a lot of folks engaging with the stories any more, but I'm still trying my best to post for as long as I can. And readers like yourself are the reason I do try to continue to do so 🧡

I also just wanted to highlight of this entire highlight of a comment the little bit you mentioned about how I end stories. Thank you. I strive really hard to not just 'finish' a story but to wrap up every tangent and every little loose thread into a pretty bow so nothing ever feels unfinished and it's not always an easy thing to do. But I've read plenty of stories where it just ends and it's like, but wait, it was so abrupt, it feels incomplete, and I don't ever want anyone to feel that way reading my stories.

I have unfortunately given up my dream of writing my own original novel as I've lost a lot of faith in my abilities due to the continual decrease of engagement and just feeling like nothing I ever write will be good enough, but thank you so much for the encouragement and the kind words. I don't think it'll ever happen, but if it does I'll for sure post a link to purchase my novel on Tumblr ;p

I could gush about all the little, beautiful details you wrote in this for hours but I will cut myself off here. But thank you, truly, for such a sweet message and kind words and I do hope to continue to see you in the comment sections of my stories for the little bits of sunshine you bring into my life🧡

[cabeswaterdrowned]

I've never watched pretty little liars but tell me about your favourite pll femslash.

Hi I think I wrote half of a response to this a while ago but it got lost somewhere… starting over so I’m such a multi shipper between the pll women that I think it would be more appropriate to tell you my top 5 rn.

Vandermarin —- (Hanna Marin & Mona Vanderwaal)

I tried to choose pics from the pll wiki gallery for each of these dynamics I thought encapsulated the dynamic and its gayness as well as two random images can. In this case the image on the left is Mona lovingly visiting Hanna in the hospital after Mona herself drove a car over Hanna, because they fought/Mona is jealous that Hanna has affection for people who are not her and also Hanna was too close to uncovering her identity as A the nameless faceless entity that badly wants Hanna to break up with her boyfriend and leave her friends and only hang out with Mona but we’re meant to think Mona is straight…. and the right image is after Hanna has found out Mona’s identity at the evil mastermind to her troubles but she’s still visiting her ex wife in the mental asylum, and lying to her boyfriend about it and the show plays every beat of this like Hanna is cheating on her boyfriend. Insane. They’re the love story of pll because literally if Mona wasn’t obsessively unhealthily in love with Hanna the whole plot of the show would not have happened. An undersung toxic yuri queerbait for the history books I seriously think it’s deeply misogynistic they don’t get their due in this department. 

Spemily (Spencer Hastings & Emily Fields).

This is so funny to me because these two images perfectly encapsulate the dynamic. Either they are soo in sync getting coffee for each other and detecting murders together and stabilizing/calming each other, or they are having the Messiest fights and bickering/getting on each others nerves like a married couple going through their third divorce. I joke about them being adansey coded for this reason, also there’s a dynamic of a class difference and Emily/Adam call out Spencer/Gansey for it similarly and Spencer/Gansey being protective towards Emily/Adam in a way the latter doesn’t like or feels infringes on their autonomy. Great stuff, I have a type. And speaking of..

Monison (Mona Vanderwaal & Alison Dilaurentis)

There are other gay pictures of them interacting but I chose the left image as Mona cleaning the dirt off Alison, the girl who bullied her, after pulling her out of a grave (Alison was buried alive this night and it’s a whole thing but not really relevant to this post) and they’re in a motel in the lost woods. There’s another scene from this flashback that’s Mona kissing Alison’s forehead but I can’t find a cap anywhere (I also couldn’t find a cap of her kissing Hanna’s cheek the homophobia). The one on the right is Mona’s shrine to Alison that’s in her evil lair girl literally was so obsessed with and in love with girl who bullied her and wanted to wear her skin and also for her to stop existing and also to be loved by her and then she made the love of her life Hanna into her own personal Alison doll… wild stuff. They’re also a bit adansey coded imo (and Hanna/Alison didn’t make this list but they’re rather Jordanessy coded imo). They’re also really gay for each other on the spin off which is not a good show but did give me crumbs. 

Spona (Spencer Hastings & Mona Vanderwaal)

Sometimes / in the past this has been no.3 I’m just in a very Monison mood rn so it’s fourth rn. The left image is of their psychosexually charged debate scene and the right is Mona trying to get Spencer’s attention at a political rally. Will say no enough of their really gay scenes are appropriately represented in that wiki gallery but I did the best with what I had. Overachiever x Overachiever but one is an evil mirror of the other,  the actresses have a ridiculous amount of chemistry, there’s a whole arc where Mona wants to corrupt Spencer and is furious when Spencer “turns her down” and seeks to ruin her life so she has no choice to accept her… another toxic yuri of all time. They’re also my two favorite characters on the show individually (although I love all six of the main women) so that gives an extra something special to their scenes for me. 

Arison (Aria Montgomery & Alison Dilaurentis)

left image is a flashback to them eating frozen yogurt together while bullying Mona, right is Aria’s hallucination of Alison that she has when her father’s girlfriend who looks a bit like Alison and who Alison wanted Aria to tell her mother about Byron’s affair with poisons her, again sadly there were fewer images in the gallery for them but. This is a really fascinating relationship to me and one I wrote a fic about that Imran quite proud of when I first got into pll a couple years ago. Aria is the only one of Alison’s friends she treats kind of as an equal rather than a subject or a rival, she’s very fascinated by the way Aria lives freely rather than at the whims of other people and Alison develops an alter ego that looks a lot like Aria, Vivia Darkbloom. She also gets into a relationship with an older guy while acting a lot like Aria and then this same guy (who is a predator and groomer but the show never addresses these dynamics as such L) goes after Aria after Alison’s death. Also Alison secretly took pictures of Aria while she was sleeping and hid them places and when they were uncovered her brother makes a comment about how Alison always hid things and it was almost second nature to her don’t remember the exact quote but it reeks of internalized biphobia to me (Alison is canonically a bi character it’s just that the show defines her as only gay for one girl which is Emily and straight for everyone else which is insane but we won’t get into that). Anyway. They’re really underrated and interesting. 

some honorable mention ships that I also love a lot: Sparia (Spencer x Aria, if I had done this a few months ago do think they would have a shot at top 5 I really love them), Spanna (Spencer x Hanna), Hannily (Hanna x Emily), Spalison (Spencer x Alison), Monaria (Mona x Aria), Emison (Emily x Alison this one is canon), Emaya (Emily x Maya also canon), Emona (Emily x Mona), Halison (Hanna x Alison), Aria x Jenna, Emily x Jenna, Aria x Alex Drake.

[fictionkinfessions]

Dearest Charles,

I miss you. Do you know what I’d give to see you again? For fuck’s sake, I’d nearly suffer the wound to my pride and admit that I wasn’t entirely right if it meant seeing you again. Nearly.

Your power was transcendent and so were you. There was nothing more beautiful than the way your eyes shone when you got to show off, did you know that? If there was one thing about you that perfectly encapsulated your best and worst qualities, it was your damned pride. Beautiful and terrible all at once, pulling with sheer magnetic force, although admittedly magnetic force was more my field than yours.

I loved you for more than that, of course. You showed me parts of myself I thought had died. You naively believed I had the capacity to do the right thing (or rather, what you considered to be the right thing) in spite of my pain. Somehow you managed to have hope in everything you saw. I felt equal parts resentment and admiration for your ability to believe in the best from people.

If I had the chance to do it all over again, I’m terribly sorry to let you down once more, but I don’t think I have it in me to do what you’d think is right. I wish you could tell me once more that you believe in me anyways, that I can’t know I’d make the “wrong” choice until I’m faced with it and that I’m fully capable of choosing mercy. You’d be wrong as you so often were, but I’d love to hear it.

Maybe I have grown, because I might even half believe it if you said it one more time.

I still love you. I can’t say it to the extent I want to in my present circles, because what will come of it? I don’t want my friends to think I’m pressuring them into trying to split you, but a terribly dark part of me almost wishes they would so I could just *talk* to you one more time. I’d never put that on my friends. It’d be cruel. That’s the selfish kind of love that isn’t really love at all. I’ve always been pretty good at selfish love, you know.

I wish I could kiss you again, or hold your hand. Anything to feel even one molecule of the comfort you once gave to me so freely that I denied myself when I left. I’m more sorry that I hurt you than I’m even capable of imagining being sorry about the crimes I’ve committed.

I’m still full of such a deep hatred for so many parts of this world. Can’t you tell me one more time how it’ll be okay? I’ll pretend to believe you just to hear you say it.

Please come back. I still love you.

Forever yours,

Erik Lehnsherr (fictive)

x

[thethiefandtheairbender]

just a disclaimer: i’m queer and nonbinary (afab) as can be, so all of this is from a personally queer perspective? i also know that i don’t tend to really jive with ND stevenson’s work (she-ra didn’t quite work for me) either and if you loved the movie, great. i just gotta drop thoughts somewhere because well

they’re less than positive

like “nimona” wants to be a Queer movie so badly, but the entire humourous basis of the character herself is that she is 1) young looking (despite being immortal) and 2) appears to be AFAB and isn’t it funnily jarring when little girls want to be violent instead of cute and sweet? 

She doesn’t want to be a monster, but clearly genuinely enjoys destroying things (again: basis of the bulk of her character humour, and one of most defining character traits) with no regards to anyone who gets hurt or could get hurt in the process. 

also this is Entirely Personal preference but while the animation was stunning, the contrast in the medieval aesthetic and modern day technology just continually brought me out of the movie. which is too bad, because treasure planet and it’s 70/30 rule and aesthetic blend of old timey and big technology is one of my favourite things ever, but i think Nimona being 50/50 just... didn’t work for me. was also slightly disappointed that i figured out who the actual bad guy was before the queen’s death (and yet another movie with a black queen who Dies Instantly / a movie with literally queer men of colour being technical side characters to a white, allegorically queer main ‘female’ character). 

Ballister is a great protagonist, but due to his opposition of everything Nimona is personality and scheme wise, it feels like they’re almost running around in two separate stories. As well as like - he wanted to enjoy the Elite, Privileged, fighting force? An elite, privileged, entirely based on birthright system ruled by a Black queen before it was called into question, when it’s also a pretty clear allegory for the Police? The fact that this isn’t resolved - what’s going to happen to the Institute, is it going to be reformed or even better yet, disbanded (‘defunded’), is entirely left hanging as a plot thread, which doesn’t happen matters.

Halfway through the movie (specifically Nimona’s “or that sometimes I want to let them [kill me]”) is when I finally started to feel emotionally invested, but like two scenes later when Ambrosius’ stabbing was over dramatic rather than just letting the tone hold, I looked into the camera just... so incredibly unimpressed. The monopoly and shark dancing didn’t help.  

“She’s my friend.” “Aren’t I more than that?” so there were no aspec people in making this film. Got it. And Ballister’s heel face turn into calling Nimona a monster is also very quick, especially when his whole arc this movie is being unfairly demonized himself by the very same thing/people that are demonizing Nimona as well. The sheer harshness and length of the scene is also much longer and given time than him saving her, leaving that feeling kinda lopsided as well.

And Nimona’s issues I think are very evident in the fact the movie lets us see all the damage she’s causing at the end when she loses control, which is sad and tragic for her... but does not excuse or remove the real harm she’s bringing hundreds of other people. This is mitigated when she sacrifices herself to save the city, but given that her problem wasn’t necessarily selfishness so much as recklessness, and given that Ballister had literally just talked her down from suicide, it’s... Muddled to say the least.

And all of this ties back into the murky gender allegory of the movie. At its best, it’s very effective and very emotionally resonant (Nimona’s actual flashbacks and a couple of her conversations with Ballister. I can definitely see why people like it - hell, even I like it. “This monster is a threat to our entire way of life!” “What if we’re wrong?” kinda perfectly encapsulates were it falls flat to me, because queerness Is a threat to our current systems - capitalism, racism, cisheteropatriarchy founded on white gender essentialism. Queerness, particularly of gender, disrupts and should disrupt all those things; it’s a political identity just as much as personal one, both by choice and by societal circumstance.

TLDR; found the second half of the movie, overall, much stronger than the first, but with some bigger structural pitfalls. Animation was gorgeous, sense of humour didn’t overall work for me but that’s a personal thing, queer allegory was good but I would’ve liked some of the implications to be taken farther. I appreciate the movie for what it says about freedom of expression vs demonization by the upper class(es), and I think it’ll really resonant and be important to queer youth in their teens (a stage I am long past) figuring themselves and their place in an increasingly anti-trans political climate out, so I’m very glad it exists. It just wasn’t particularly groundbreaking, and wasn’t particularly up my alley. Which is kind of what I expected, but I am disappointed that I didn’t enjoy it more as a nonbinary person who loves story deconstructions, fantasy, and animation