#and i do very much enjoy him therefore i choose to dismiss this scene as poor planning

[bittersweetresilience]

Does Felix's actions in his debut episode (mainly him trying to kiss Marinette) ever made you feel awkward shipping them together?

nope this scene does not exist to me 👍

[nightswithkookmin]

With the grammy bomb im more than certain that there is a strain between jikook. They do interact but in a way that is so aloof. Their habitual gravitating towards one another doesnt happen anymore. And im talking about all the recent stuff from october onwards. Jk purposefully rear towards other members and i find jimin to be only open towards namjoon. All of his other interactions on cam are to make sure that everything is fine between him and others. And jk purposefully ignores or avoids jimin and doesnt have that unrestrainable affection towards him anymore. I say all this as a longtime jikook supporter. Honestly even if they had their 'fighting' periods i have never seen jk this dismissive. At least jimin isnt as affected as before. I dont understand how no supporter is admitting the obvious distance of jk.

Why are you being mean to me though😭

Please read my blogs. I think I have talked about this topic several times now.

May be I spoke 'too soon' before the loud moments that make these things obvious to most but still, I've addressed it nonetheless.

I feel if I respond to this, I'd just be repeating myself over and over at this point and frankly it gets boring for the people that read me- I think. Lol. I mean, once I start I never shut up. Lmho. So sorry in advance.

I agree with everything you've said, as well as all the observations you've made. I'm with you on it. Except, you made no definitive conclusions I could agree on, rebut, or share an opinion on. There is a strain on their relationship..... therefore? Lol.

I don't mean this in a rude way. I just don't think it's enough to point that out without drawing conclusions- unless you are simply taking notes of those moments? Or are you concluding that the strain is a sign Jikook are fighting, having problems or that they have broken up?

Not every tension between Jikook is a bad thing if you ask me or even as a result of them having issues in their relationship. This is something I keep regurgitating in my blogs. Not to say they don't have issues, they do. Hell, I get dragged by my roots on these streets for saying they fight, or even break up sometimes like any real couple would. They are real and they have real couple's problems sometimes too like any regular joe.

I'm glad you pointed out though, that Jimin doesn't seem as affected by JK's 'dismissive' attitude as before. Shouldn't that tell you that is a sign there is nothing wrong with their relationship this time around? Jikook is not one sided. JK isn't the only party to their relationship, neither is Jimin. They have an equal and sometimes opposite reaction to each other. One person's attitude or change in attitude tends to produce a ripple effect on the other. In my opinion.

If JK were to be 'dismissive' at all, it would emotionally and physically impact Jimin and he would have a reaction to it like he did in run 106. Compared to this, he didn't seem at all affected by JK's 'attitude' just as you've pointed out.

As I said a while ago, I honestly don't think or believe they are fighting or that they are broken up either- not to me anyway. Lol. I mean you could still pretty much see the intimacy between them in that footage. Jikook don't need to engage in skinship or overt and loud interactions to show they are intimate. And most times their overt and loud skinship and interactions are devoid of intimacy. That's the thing about intimacy, you can't fake it or hide it.

Jimin turning towards JK in his fit of excitement is a sign of intimacy between them regardless of whether he actually hugged JK or not. Then later on the couch, you could see him yearning for JK.

There were three people in that room- may be more if you count staff and yet JK was the only one Jimin seemed to want an answer from.

He was the one Jimin was emotionally inclined towards. The one who's comfort and affection he sought after- bless his heart, he hit his head on some solid rock knees and everything trying to pursue his need for physical closeness and affection from JK. If they were broken up or fighting, he wouldn't go to JK for his emotional needs.

He could try and 'interact' with JK, do the fanservice bit with him but he wouldn't go to him with his emotional needs- that would be inappropriate and unfair to JK. Jimin is an emotionally intelligent guy and he has a lot of thoughts and consideration for people's feelings and he is well aware of his limits and just how much he can push or get away with.

And I cite his Log with JK, where he announced he had started developing feelings for JK and then turned to JK to ask if he was ok with him saying that much on camera.

Thus, if he is emotionally 'gravitating' towards JK then it's indication there is a level of intimacy and a mutual understanding between them that JK fulfills an emotional need and ought to fulfill that emotional need for him.

And yes, I agree. Him hesitating when he wanted to hug JK is a sign there is something stressing their dynamics which is something I pointed out when that Grammy reaction video first came out. I knew something was stressing their dynamic but I couldn't figure out what because it was a very short video with not much going on in there.

The behind the scenes however, chilee. Lol.

I mean if you consider the fact JK went from moving a distance to console Jimin when he was crying on stage during the October ON:E concert, and you look at all the moments we've had from their overt flirting in 2021 season's greetings, the sexual innuendos in the BE behind scenes video, JK sniffing Jimin's hair in the Be unboxing video to that moment on the couch when Jimin hit his head on JK's knees- that shit look like it hurt. Damn. JK what is your knees made of! Lmho.

I am uncomfortable discussing a Jikook era or phase when it's on going on. I like to simply take note of certain moments and discuss them in post by reconstructing the timeline to place content in its rightful timeframe.

I can only share with you my working theory on such moments and for the most part, like I said previously I feel Jikook- especially JK is having issues with the company. Perhaps because the company stumbled on something they weren't supposed to see.

As for Jikook's personal development, I think we all saw this development coming, didn't we? After JM's birthday fiasco? I think I hypothesized at the time that whoever was in the 'wrong' in that situation would come swinging hard on their Jikook agenda in the aftermath. And with that whole GCF Tokyo reference, signing his name to JK's name at the pop up, the stealing looks at JK during interviews, checking him out left right left, trying to make Jk 'jealous' with RM at the Be press con red carpet, it's not hard to figure out who did what in that birthday situation.

I plan on writing a blog on this very topic, because I've received quite a few Asks about my thoughts on JK outing Jimin, military service and others that I find intriguing and want to discuss but I also want to discuss Vminkook dynamics, Jikook boundaries and I don't know which one to get into first. When I'm torn between options I end up not making a choice at all. Lol.

All I can say in regards to Jikook and their on going 'situation' is that- I love it. Lol. I love their dynamics, I love where they are at in their love journey, I love where they are heading. Jikook is just beautiful in every sense of the word.

I love what JK is doing. I love where he has gotten my bias to- which is confronting himself and figuring out what he wants from their relationship. Because, honestly you can't have your cake and eat it. It just doesn't work that way.

What you are seeing is just JK asserting himself against Jimin I'm afraid. It's the push and pull thingy all over again.

I keep talking about 'the boy in love with Jungkook' being a facade and persona Jimin hides behind to love JK and most people don't understand.

JK's persona is not the boy in love with Jimin. It's the boy cold and shy who rejects Jimin- well at least that was the persona he had in their early dynamics around debut.

He has since shed that persona and the bold, fearless, assertive JK we see on the screens is him choosing to unapologetically express his love and feelings for Jimin. And jimin enjoys that.

But you take a look at Jimin, and you don't see that drastic change in his persona or the way he expresses himself with JK- I mean let's call a spade a spade.

Do I think Jimin loves JK? Absolutely. Do I think he is being authentic in the way that he expresses those feelings to JK on camera? Only to an extent.

It's obvious who Jimin is to JK or even the way he expresses himself and his love for JK is slightly different off camera than the persona we see on our screens. For one, clearly JK is not used to seeing Jimin prioritize others over him or be overly affectionate with others besides him. I mean it's been seven years. Ten, if you count the periods before. You'd think JK would get used to JM doing skinship with others or showing affection for the others especially since they've lived together over half of the time and yet here we are, frying pans away from the apocalypse whenever any member breaths near Jimin. Damn JK. Lmho.

Do I think his persona is slightly exaggerated? Yes. But I also think JM downplays his love for Jk with his 'Mr I'm available' personality, his Kumbaya attitude, and his I'm just a nice guy on the block character, which often leads to people questioning whether or not he treats JK different from the group. Don't get me wrong JK does this too.

Jimin loves JK. But at this point the question is is he expressing that love in the way that meets JK's emotional needs? Is he allowing JK to love him and express the love he feels for him in the way that makes him happy?

I think that's what the birthday fiasco is all about.

If you don't want JK openly showing and expressing his love for you in a way that he wants to and in a way that holds meaning to him and makes him feel fulfilled as well in the relationship then what is the point of him holding on to the glass closet?

Two can play that game. Lol.

It's JK's needs above the groups and I feel he is putting it right up there next to JM's needs because they are both valid.

You should have seen JK's face when Jimin decided tell the truth about his location on September 1st in that BB press interview.

I remember pointing out that when JM started that narration with the first person pronoun he was going for a well curated narrative perhaps one the group had agreed on prior to avoid confirming his location on the JK's birthday like they had tried to do during the VLive but dropped that and went with the honest truth the moment he started talking about being with Jk and using 'we' instead of 'I' in his speech.

I'm glad the interviewer from his Weverse magazine interview confirmed and pointed out this tell or habit of Jimin when he speaks,

"When he’s talking, Jimin often starts his sentence with phrases like, “I just,” “it just,” “they just …” But then he immediately goes on to open up about his feelings, always providing a sincere response."

At least now we know for sure he wasn't lying about his location- for all those who called him a liar.

Anywho, my point is it makes JK happy when Jimin expresses his love and feelings for him. But it also makes him happy when he is able to show the world just how much JM means to him.

He didn't get those tattoos for nothing. He didn't do the GCFs for nothing. He didn't nibble on his ear in front of thousands of people for nothing- had he posted for Jimin on his birthday, given how he hadn't done that for anyone in a year, it wouldn't have been for nothing either. In my opinion.

When I tell y'all Jimin is gonna wake up one day with JK's ring on his finger and he wouldn't know what hit him. Chilee. Lmho.

Listen, JK is in love LOVE with Jimin. It's my opinion and I'm gonna treat it as fact because I believe it- if you disagree keep it to yourself. I don't wanna hear it. Lol.

That boy is in love with my bias. Ain't nobody gonna tell me nothing. Lol.

Seriously though, JK loves Jimin and he loves expressing those feelings for him. He goes overboard sometimes with it to the point it's borderline outing but we don't talk about that. Lol.

He's progressed through out the years from hiding his feelings for Jimin, whispering I love you's to JM when he thinks JM is alseep, slipping matching plasters onto his finger, all the way to Rosebowl.

If you ask me, he wants to be Jimin's equal in every sense of the word and as much as he loves to be at the recieving end of JM's affections, he enjoys being at the giving end.

And if JM has the cover of 'the boy in love with the Maknae' and it works perfectly for him not just as a persona but the perfect excuse for loving Jk then you gotta wonder what cover JK equally has for loving JM the way that he does. He has none. His every move is questioned by members, by staff, by fans- why do you film Jimin so much, why not put Tae in there for clicks, why are you constantly with Jimin and other invasive questions like that.

Jimin gets away with a lot of things than JK because of his personality and his persona. People would question the things JK does most of the time while dismissing the things Jimin does as either fanservice or as flowing from his personality. Whereas JK cannot get away with those same things.

We paint JK as Jeonlous and possessive but we forget most times he acts that way so Jimin doesn't have to. Jimin has said he doesn't share his friends and yet somehow we think he is ok with sharing his boyfriend with 5 other members or those 5 members with his boyfriend- this is code, let it sink in.

There is a lot of boundaries he instills there and it's equally an expression of possessiveness. Yet it's so subtle you might not even notice.

Jk makes Jimin look cool. He takes the fall so Jimin doesn't have to. When JK takes a step back that's when you see how whipped JM is- the neediness, the clinginess- PJMs give me a break. *rolling my eyes. It needs to be said. I love Jimin too but shit, it is what is. Lol.

I think it's gonna take a while for Jk to open back up to Jimin, to get in the space where he feels safe expressing himself with Jimin the way that he was doing before Jimin's birthday.

It doesn't mean he hates Jimin or doesn't love him or doesn't want him or doesn't care. But I think Jimin needs to step up to show he is on the same page as JK because JK is all about reciprocity. He ain't about to do the one sided unrequited nonsense. Lol.

Honestly all this is part of Jikook's dynamics. This not the first time Jk's closed himself off. The last time he did it was because they had gone through a nasty breakup- I said what I said. In my opinion nonetheless. Lol.

In the aftermath of it, he was expressing similar behavior. In Suga's Birthday Vlive this year for example, when Jimin was clinging to him and had his hands on his leg he didn't take the bait either- man was it frustrating to watch. Lol. But you could see JM wanted that physical connection with him. Did you see his smug face when Jimin was all over him?

I think he is just going through a phase where he needs reassurance of Jimin's love. Jimin is a big guy and he knows his man best and I think he knows exactly what he needs to do to get him to come around. Lol.

I mean he flew all the way from Paris to see him on his birthday didn't he?

I think we have to leave them to it. Just observe them. I hate commenting on a phase like this especially when it's on going. I'd rather talk about it after it's ended and a new phase has begun for them.

Part of supporting Jikook is knowing when to give them privacy and room to just unfold their story and be human. They are a living breathing love story after all.

Jk isn't being distant. He is just not interacting with JM the way we are used to seeing him do. But I feel that's part Bighit asking them to cool off and part him just wanting reassurance from Jimin.

At this point, I want to ask why you want people to acknowledge JK is closed off? To what end? I don't think anyone is denying that they are going through this phase- well the Kumbaya tradshippers are but why do you want me to acknowledge this fact? I already pointed out that there is something stressfing their dynamics.

They have their own personal stuff going on but I don't think it's much of an issue and at the same time they seem to be having issues with their company- You have to take all of that into consideration to see how that affects their dynamics as well.

You have to be aware of the timeline too. Because content is not released in chronological order, it may seem like a rollercoaster ride when in actual sense all of this may have happened with a specific time frame.

When it comes to Jikook always assume they are much closer than you think. Jikook is fine, I believe. Just take mental notes of these things for posterity. I wouldn't be worried about them.

As usual, this has been my opinion. Don't take it too seriously. Keep supporting Jikook. Jikook is real.

Signed,

GOLDY

[bloodraven55]

“But Bumbleby was rushed/forced to pander to the gays—”

There are a number of glaring flaws in this argument, most of all the fact that no straight relationship is ever called “forced” or “pandering” even if people don’t like it, let alone “rushed” when it’s only on the verge of officially happening seven seasons into the show, but I want to break down all of the many levels on which it’s wrong in order to hopefully kill it once and for all.

“It came out of nowhere—”

Jaune was crushing on Weiss the second he saw her, Sun was crushing on Blake the moment he saw her, Pyrrha developed feelings for Jaune in just one Volume and showed some interest from the moment she saw him, and Blake goes from being consistently annoyed at Sun throughout Volumes 1 and 2 to suddenly having a crush on him in Volume 3.

If Bumbleby supposedly “came out of nowhere,” then so did W/hite Knight, A/rkos, and B/lacksun. But no one ever has an issue with the speed at which those characters started having romantic interest in each other. And I’m not even saying they should—they’re all very valid ships and whether they came out of nowhere or not isn’t the point of this—but there’s a clear double standard applied to same sex ships as opposed to heterosexual ships here and it invalidates this point right out of the gate.

“It was rushed—”

Blake and Yang are only just now close to becoming an official couple after more than six whole Volumes of knowing each other. There is no possible universe where this would qualify as “rushed.” Again, W/hite Knight and B/lacksun albeit both one-sided at least to begin with both became obvious things within literal episodes of the characters meeting, and Jaune and Pyrrha were showing blatant romantic interest in each other by Volume 2 before kissing in Volume 3.

In the last case you can argue that it went at a faster pace because Pyrrha was going to die, but that doesn't change the fact that no one complained that it went too quickly—or about the other two ships I mentioned which were both initially based solely on one (1) instance of a guy showing interest in a girl—and yet people say it’s too soon for Blake and Yang to get together when they’ve had over twice as long for their relationship to develop.

“The shippers forced it into the show—”

I don’t think I even need to add any more here when the words of CRWBY speak for themselves.

“Toxic shippers think everything is gay—”

I mean, I’m gay and I only truly ship a handful of the possible same sex pairings in the show—certainly far from the majority of them—and I also ship a number of straight ships, but go off I guess.

I already made a post on this here, but it’s insanely dismissive and ridiculous for heterosexual people i.e. the ones who usually use this “argument” to assume that they know better than actual LGBT+ people what is or isn’t good LGBT+ representation, and for them to assume that just because they missed build up that it therefore isn’t there.

I can’t take someone seriously when they go into a discussion determined to believe that they’re already right and don’t listen to a word you say to prove otherwise, especially when they’re debating on a topic which doesn’t directly affect them and which they don’t have the same level of firsthand knowledge of.

“The wasps only care about Blake and Yang getting in each other’s pants—”

Actually, it’s the people who are most aggressively against Blake and Yang being a couple that tend to reduce their relationship to being entirely about sex even though they haven’t had a single remotely sexual interaction in the show, but if this were true then surely Bumbleby shippers would be very unhappy with the show because Blake and Yang have still not “got in each other’s pants,” or “swapped clit juice” as I once saw someone tastefully describe it?

But that isn’t right. Because in general us Bee shippers are currently exceedingly happy with everything that’s happening in the show to do with Blake and Yang’s relationship. So how can that be if all we care about is whether they fuck or not?

The answer is of course that we don’t only care about whether they fuck or not—in fact most of us couldn’t care less whether it’s ever so much as hinted that they have sex, both because the show almost certainly won’t ever go there and because that isn’t our priority—we’re just enjoying watching them fall in love.

Honestly this argument is one of the most lazy because one look at RWBY will tell you that none of the romances are at all sexual thus far so any shippers who truly only care about that aspect wouldn’t stick around very long when they’ll just end up disappointed. And of course the way that these people inherently view same sex relationships as sexual is homophobic and disgusting too.

“CRWBY rushed it to give the rabid shippers what they want—”

Like the last two points, this is a “criticism” that I’ve only ever seen levelled at same sex ships and never straight ships, so it’s yet another example of double standards and hypocrisy, but that’s only the start of what’s wrong with it.

The most galling thing about this is that these people insist that all LGBT+ people because as I’ve already mentioned that is always the group which statements like this are aimed at just want to see two characters of the same gender make out as soon as possible, which is simply not true.

No one would ever claim that straight people just want to see a man and a woman get it on as soon as possible and dismiss the worth of a straight relationship because of it. So it’s ridiculous to try and force that logic onto shippers of same sex ships, who are primarily LGBT+ people themselves.

If anything, we care even more about the quality of our ships—how healthy they are, whether they’re well built up or not, etc.—because we hardly have any to begin with in comparison. If one straight ship is rushed or poorly written, then there are plenty of well-handled ones to choose from instead, but the same isn’t the case for same sex ships.

We want to be represented well, which means that we want healthy relationships with plenty of development where the characters actually have chemistry and complement each other. We might still support rushed or badly-written same sex ships sometimes because it’s still representation which we are overall sorely lacking, but we don’t want them.

“But they ship baited with Blake and Sun—”

First off, straight ships can’t be baited the same way that same sex ships can. It’s simply not a comparable situation. But of course B/lacksun shippers are entitled to feel disappointed that their ship didn’t become canon. That’s utterly valid and understandable. However, that doesn’t mean that the writers or the show in any way misled viewers regarding what was happening.

“But Sun winked at Blake—”

And Yang also winked at Blake in Volume 2 while asking her to the dance, just like Sun winked at Blake in Volume 1 and then asked Blake to the dance. And Blake turned Sun down when he asked initially, specifically told him that they were only “technically” going together when she ran into him outside, and told him definitively that she had chosen to give her first dance to Yang.

“But Blake blushed at Sun—”

And now she’s also blushed at Yang, in a far more intimate scene at that. Next point.

“But Sun met Blake’s parents—”

And? Simply meeting someone’s parents doesn’t on any level automatically imply romance. Ghira didn’t even like Sun, and while a lot of people like to claim that Kali “ships it” which would be extremely flimsy evidence to base the canonicity of a ship on anyway, she’s someone who would do the same with anyone Blake brought home so it means nothing. If Blake had actually chosen to take Sun home with her herself then this would be a valid point, but she didn’t, so it has no weight whatsoever overall.

“But Blake kissed Sun on the cheek—”

And I kiss my mother on the cheek the exact same way every time I say goodbye to her. If you think that type of kiss on the cheek has to be romantic then quite frankly I’m not sure what world you’re living in. If the camera had been close up, if there had been any shots at all of their reactions, any blushing or lingering looks, a more private setting— literally anything to give it some actual weight and make it feel significant, then this might mean something, but it’s framed as a totally platonic goodbye with zero romantic coding.

And that’s without even mentioning the fact that right after that moment Sun flat out states that his time with Blake was “never about [romance],” which sort of kills the idea that anything about that scene was supposed to be taken as romantic. There was no reason to include that line except to make it clear to the audience that Sun and Blake parted ways as friends who now have no intention of ever becoming anything more.

Seriously, if they wanted us to think that there was still something there, then Blake would have been shown to be thinking about or missing Sun even one since they separated, but he hasn’t been brought up for even a second. If they wanted to set up a continuation of anything romantic for them when the group reach Vacuo, say, then they would have started doing it by now.

Plus the reverse argument that Blake and Sun have never hugged or held hands—both of which Blake and Yang have done multiple times—works just as well, perhaps even better since handholding is a well-established romantic cue in the show already thanks to A/rkos, R/enora, and O/zma and Salem.

“But why was Sun even there in Volumes 4 and 5 then—”

Because Blake needed a friend who she could exposition to about her thought processes and personal problems so that the audience could understand what she was going through, and she wasn’t as likely to open up to her parents about that stuff right away when she was convinced they’d hate her for leaving.

Sun was there to support Blake as she developed and to tell her that running away hurt the very people she was trying to protect. That was his narrative role in that arc. There was nothing to indicate that a romance was being built in those more than twenty episodes they spent together and if it was going to happen that would have been the time to do it.

On the other hand Blake and Yang’s shared arc together is built on the fact that Blake’s romantic ex, who Blake had already directly contrasted with Yang and whose Semblance was already a foil to Yang’s, maimed Yang specifically because Blake loves her. The basis of that arc has romantic weight, which is what makes the difference here. Though the scene at the end of Volume 3 where Adam takes Yang’s arm isn’t romantic in and of itself, I should clarify, it just has romantic significance in that it makes it clear that Blake and Yang’s feelings go beyond mere friendship.

In short, the summary of this whole section pretty much boils down to: two characters spending time together doesn't inherently equal romantic development, and it isn’t in any way “baiting” if those two characters don’t then get together.

The characters’ feelings follow a fairly logical progression over the course of the show, with Blake showing interest in both Sun and Yang in V1-V3, then ceasing to show interest in Sun after that as their relationship becomes totally platonic by Volume 5/the beginning of Volume 6 at the very latest, while the events of the Fall of Beacon only solidified how strong her feelings for Yang were and once she reunites with Yang their relationship begins to head towards romance.

It’s a pretty realistic depiction of how human feelings work, and a far less messy situation than in a lot of other shows where there isn’t the same massive level of hatred and vitriol towards the “victorious” pairing, because this was never even really presented as a love triangle or rivalry.

To conclude, I just want to list some of the contradictions that I’ve seen within the arguments made against Bumbleby, because I think it’s very telling that the people who are against it can’t even settle on one coherent narrative on why it’s bad.

“Bumbleby has no development, but also the show focusses too much on Bumbleby.”

“Monty wouldn’t have wanted Bumbleby—it goes against his vision—even though I didn’t know him and have no idea what his vision actually was, and he explicitly stated that he wanted LGBT+ characters in the show who might already be in the main cast and that he wanted Blake and Yang to have a shared arc together, as well as being responsible for the set up of that arc with Blake and Yang being introduced as Beauty and the Beast while Adam canonically represents Gaston.”

“The Bumbleby shippers have so much influence that they forced the writers to make the ship canon, but they’re also just a vocal minority who don’t matter.”

“Blake and Yang hardly interact—they’re barely even friends—but they also interact too much and it’s making Bumbleby take over the show.”

“Arryn is a victim of the toxic wasps who harrassed her and sent her death threats for saying that the song Bmblb doesn't automatically make the ship canon, which there is zero evidence of,  but Arryn is also an unprofessional cunt for expressing her support of Bumbleby.”

“None of Blake and Yang’s scenes together are romantic so Bumbleby is forced, but even when they have undeniably romantic interactions I’ll ignore them or deny that they mean anything so I can still pretend it has no build up.”

“Bumbleby is bad because Team RWBY are a sisterhood, but all of the other straight relationships within teams—even those who’ve flat out called each other ”family”—are fine, and I’ll just pretend that there aren’t other definitions of the word sisterhood which have nothing to do with actual sisters and are the ones that actually apply in this case.”

“Blake and Yang’s relationship could be seen as romantic or platonic, but I personally think they’re just friends so Bumbleby is bad and came out of nowhere.”

I’ve seen all of these countless times with my own two eyes and it’s absolutely hilarious to be honest. Anyway that’s it. I have yet to see a single logical argument as to why Bumbleby is bad that isn’t made in bad faith, fallacious, or just doesn’t hold up when you actually look at the show. It’s about to be canon, and at this point to be honest anyone who doesn't like that can simply accept it or go and watch something else that will pander to their specific tastes instead.

[writefightandflightclub]

Arrivals

What is this? 6 of 14 prompt requests for my follower celebration! See OP + prompt list credits here.

What is the prompt? “Painting the house which ends in a paint fight and giggles.” with Modern!Poe and Pregnant!Reader. Thanks anon for the request!

Author’s note: I’ve never written Modern!Poe before and I’m not sure I would’ve without the request. So here goes. Thanks for the chance to try something new, anon! I think it turned out pretty cute? Let me know what YOU think!

Word count: A mere 2634, OOPS.

Warnings: pregnancy. Other than that it’s pure fluff and typos. Enjoy!

GIF credit: here

You hear your husband enter the room with a contented sigh, bare feet padding softly across the exposed floorboards. The patter of Beebs’ paws shortly follows. Your heart melts as he greets the dog with a sleepy “Morning, buddy.”, evidently stooping down to pet him as you hear Beebs’ soft pants and the happy beat of his tail against something or other in the room. “Happy beats, huh?” Poe says softly.

Then, he grants you his full attention.

“Oh oh, it’s happened again. I love you. Even more than I did yesterday.” he announces, sliding gently up behind you, pressing his warm chest into your back and wrapping his arms delicately around the pronounced curve of your belly, splaying his fingers to caress more of your bump. His head settles into the crook of your neck, his wild, bedhead curls tickling against the apple of your cheek as his arrival draws a wide, easy smile from you. He unconsciously begins swaying his hips in time with the easy-listening playlist you have muted in the background, his gorgeous voice a soft rumble against your ear as he starts to sing along.

The warmth -the sturdiness of him- is effortlessly reassuring, the shape and contours of him familiar even as he slots himself around your changing body. You don’t return his affections immediately though. Instead, you furrow your brow and stick your tongue out as you concentrate on some particularly intricate brush strokes on the wall ahead of you.

“I love you too, Poe, but if you knock me while I’m painting, I’m gonna have to kill you.”

You can tell that the goofball freezes then, as if he’s taking you completely literally. If you could see his expression as he perched his head on your shoulder you just know he would be emphatically statuesque.

“When you commit, you commit.” you smile.

“I’m sure you’re thankful that your husband has that quality, no?” he teases.

You’ll give him that one.

You chuckle at the thought of him, frozen there, trying to keep your brush steady as you do so. But then he’s still frozen and the wobble of your shoulders becomes more pronounced as you shake with gentle laughter. You hear him scoff by your ear, in return.

“Stop it, Poe!” You scold good-naturedly as your giggles intensify, the sound chiming musically around the empty-ish, in-progress room.

“I’m not doing a thing, sweetheart, it’s you who’s moving!” His voice has that wonderful playful edge, and you can hear the smile in it, can imagine that slight crinkle in his nose.

You get a handle on yourself for just about long enough to finish off the detail of the mural section you’d been working on. You have added incentive to get it done now, as you are desperate to turn around and get yourself a good look at that handsome face for the first time today. You down your tools and twirl towards Poe, his broad, gentle hands never breaking contact with your belly. His body navigates your bump to lean in for a sweet and loving kiss to your lips.

“Hmm. Morning, handsome.” You purr, blissed out from that kiss as your hand winds into his thick, dishevelled curls, his Sunday stubble grazing your skin.

His eyes glow as he looks back at you. “Morning, sweetheart.” As is tradition, he dips to plant a sweet kiss to your midsection. “Morning, Kiddo.” 

He gives you the once-over with his eyes, checking for any sign of new symptoms or discomfort. “You couldn’t lie-in, huh? You should have woken me.”

“I’m fine, Poe.” You dismiss -he does tend to fuss, for which you are thankful- and you nod back towards your progress with the mural, excitement flashing in your eyes. “What do you think of my progress?”

You both turn to regard it, and he resumes his original position, warm and sturdy at your back once again.

“Don’t tell me. It’s an... elephant?”

You’d been bouncing around ideas for the mural for weeks now. Since you’d officially stopped working, it had become a rather consuming passion project of yours. You’d suggested cute little airplanes and clouds to reflect Poe and his career as a pilot. But he’d said he hadn’t wanted to push his dreams on to the kid, and had proceeded to go down rabbit hole about how he just wanted them to be happy. You’d fallen even more in love with him, and then asked him to pick something that made him happy. Predictably, he’d said you. Of course. And Beebs. Then, out of nowhere, he’d gone straight to: “Monkeys. Monkeys make me happy. The one I saw on my last humanitarian mission - did I tell you about that one yet?”. So, here you were, with a beautiful jungle scene beginning to snake its way across the wall.

With a soft smile at the corners of your lips, you glance back at what is quite evidently a tiger. It’s a good job you’re secure in your abilities, and therefore confident that he’s teasing. “An elephant, you say? Poe, you’ll have to get much better at deciphering paintings before Kiddo learns how to hold crayons.” You lean your head back against him, resting your hands over his atop the globe of your belly. “Also, please don’t offend Sir Growlington; he’s a very sensitive tiger.”, you pout.

Poe peppers a few loving kisses on to your cheek and hairline and really, wherever his mouth can reach. “It’s amazing, sweetie, you’re so fucking talented.” He says genuinely. “But… don’t think I’m just going to brush past this... You named the tiger?”

“I did name the tiger.” you intone, hinting that maybe that’s not all.

He twirls you back to him so he can look you in the face again.

“Wait. Did you name all the animals?”

“No. Of course not. Would I be so silly?” you singsong sarcastically as you lean yourself up against the edge of the painting table. 

“Oh ok.” he says plainly with a nod of his head, a brush of his hand over his stubbled jaw. You love when he pretends to be serious and when he’s just so damn bad at pretending. “So you won’t mind if I call this bird... Sandra then?”

You suck in air through your teeth. “Sorry, that’s Porg. But that’s the only other one I named, honest.”

He folds his arms and raises his eyebrows to you, an easy smirk on his lips as he mirrors your position and leans against the pair of wooden ladders behind him. “Come on, let me have them all; monkey, giraffe, sloth - hit me.”

He makes a “bring it on” gesture with his fingers, and you blurt them out. “Peanut, Jungle Gump, and Mademoiselle Sleepyhead.”

He smiles in amusement and pads towards you, settling himself into your side, his eyes soft as they wander over the familiar details of your face. His voice is low in his throat. “Goddamn, you’re adorable.” You shrug and flutter your eyelashes in casual agreement. “Unless... Honey, should I be concerned?” He juts his hip and you can’t wait to hear what he’s going to come out with next. “Is this a subtle way of telling me you want to name our baby Jungle Gump?”

 “No!” You burst into laughter and bat him playfully on the chest. “But… now that you mention it? Jungle Dameron does sound kinda cool.” You’re actually only half-joking.

He sighs in mock defeat, waving his hand around in the air. “Fine, Jungle if they’re a girl, Sir Growlington if they’re a boy, and Peanut as a gender-neutral option.”

“Shake on it. Deal done.”

You place your hands on his chest, nodding back towards the wall again. “Did you see I left a space? I think you should paint something, Poe.”

“Honey, you know I can’t paint.” he argues, massaging little circles into your shoulder, your hip, your elbows. Anywhere you’ve complained of being sore. You love this man.

“You can paint. Everyone can paint.”

“Why would you want me to ruin your great work?”

You throw your arms around his shoulders, twining your fingers together at the back of his neck. “Because it’s our mural for our baby, and it’s about making something happy, yes? Well, I’m having fun creating this but you’re not in the room with me. And that’s the fun memory I want us to think about when we put our baby-”

“Jungle” he interjects.

“-Jungle,“ you nod, “to sleep. So, stay with me. Paint a crappy, fantastical animal of your choosing.” You gesture towards the paint selection on the table behind you with a sweep of your arm.

“You sure?” he asks, even though he’s already started to rifle through the supplies.

“I’m sure. I can’t wait to see how it turns out!”

A perfect, broad smile works its way across his face. His pretty, dark eyes flick over to yours, his voice deepening and becoming��even richer and more robust as it infuses with meaning. “You’re incredible. I can’t wait to do this with you.”

You know he’s talking about far more than the mural. And you couldn’t agree more.

“First though...” he begins, that playfulness immediately back again. “Paint fight!” He picks up the nearest brush and dips it in your paint pot, before swiping a black streak across your cheek. 

You squeal in shock and he adopts a fighting stance, primed for your reaction. Before you can do a thing he manages to paint another stripe to your forearm with a quick, targeted swipe of his brush. You think he’s probably trying to make you look like Lady Growlington.

He torments you like this until you grab for your own brush, which you load, preparing to coat him. You assess the status of his sleep shirt. It’s old, you decide, and you land a splash of sky blue down his neck with a dramatic “A-ha”, a sound not unlike a swashbuckling pirate.

“Oh, you’re in for it now.” he warns with a grin, planting his whole palm in a pot of green and -gently, ever so gently, and avoiding your belly- chasing you around the room until he has covered your face and arms in his handprints. Then, when he’s had his fun he pulls you in for a giggly, breathless kiss.

“Are you trying to ruin my clothes, Poe Dameron?”

“Honestly? I’m trying to get you in the shower, gorgeous.” He pumps his eyebrows suggestively. “What do you say, wanna make love to me?”

He smiles, grabbing you hand with his own, paint-smeared one and giving you a light tug.

“If you think we can both still fit in the cubicle!”

“We’ll just have to get super close; that doesn’t sound like the worst thing, honey” 

All morning should start this way, you think. How could anything be better?

***

Months later, you are settling your precious baby for sleep. Poe is already passed out and lightly snoring on the couch, an array of blankets and bottles strewn around him. You allow yourself a moment to take him in. He looks so Goddamn beautiful when he’s sleeping. You feel so much love for him, for your new baby. More than you could have ever thought possible. It’s hard and it’s scary, but you are so happy you are doing this with him. Already, he is the most wonderful husband and father you could have dreamed of. 

Careful not to wake either him or the tiny sleeping bundle in your arms, you tread softly upstairs, Beebs -who rarely ever leaves your side since the new arrival- padding quietly along with you. When you get to the nursery you rock your baby in your arms a few moments more, humming lullabies softly into the cool night air.

Your eyes sweeping the room, the wonderful, perfect mural on the wall catches your attention. The mural with one animal that doesn’t look quite like the rest. Honestly, it doesn’t really look like any existing animal, so Poe has named it a “blurrg” instead. It makes you chuckle every single time, without fail. You wouldn’t change it for a thing. You wouldn’t change any of this.

You set your baby down in their basket before your laughter wakes them. Then, of course, you linger a moment longer to just stare at that adorable little face before clasping the door shut behind you.

Returning downstairs you smile at Poe. “You’re awake!”

“Yeah, I am.” You move to meet him on the couch and he drags you down into his lap. “And I heard you on the baby monitor, laughing at my blurrg! Again!”

You caress his curls, even though you know he’s not genuinely offended.

You smile so broadly your cheeks hurt. “I love it Poe. It makes me so happy every time. I’m so glad we created it together.”

His eyes meet yours, soft and warm, like the rest of him. “I sure as hell know that feeling.”

Oh boy. How does he make happiness swell in your chest like this? How is it possible to be this happy?

“Let’s... keep creating together, ok?”

He looks up at you in shock as he catches the full meaning of your words. “Are you... are you asking me to have another baby with you? Already?”

“Jungle’s gonna need a sibling.” you bite your lip, slightly nervous of how he might react. “Also, we really need to stop calling her that and settle on an actual name.”, you deflect.

“Baby,” he says gently, taking your hand in his. “I’d like Jungle to have siblings. I’m not sure she needs one just yet...” his tone switches, and it’s subtle but you know him too well to miss it. “...but as soon as you feel ready I’m very willing to start practising again.”

“You know, I think… I think I’m ready to start… practising.”

He swallows thickly, and you can see he’s holding himself back a little, for your benefit. He even backtracks a little. “You know I would never want to rush you, baby.”

“I know, Poe. So, what do you say, wanna make love?”

With unfortunate timing, the baby monitor crackles, transmitting a light cry from your daughter’s room.

“I’ll go check her.” Poe offers, patting your thighs for you to stand up and let him out from under you.

“You just want to smell her head again.”

“It’s the best smell, can you blame me?”

You smile to yourself. You love how soft and goofy and wonderful this man is. Every night should be like this, you think. How could anything be better?

***

When Poe does come back down to the living room you are already fast asleep, an open sketching pad nestled on to your chest. He thinks his heart might burst as he lifts it up for safe-keeping and notices you’ve drawn an adorable blurrg in there.

He casts his eyes over your sleeping form with nothing but love. He thinks you look so beautiful when you’re sleeping. He knows he couldn’t paint a prettier picture if he tried. No really, not with his skills. You’d agree; you’ve seen that blurrg, after all.  

He stoops, planting a gentle kiss to your forehead. He could swear that, impossibly, that he loves you even more than he did yesterday.

He stoops to pet Beebs as the corgi presses up against his ankles, giving him some well-deserved belly scritches. “Come on then big bro,” he whispers. “Let’s clear this mess up for Mama.”

Before he scoots around to collect up all the bottles and paraphernalia, he sets your sketchpad safely down on the coffee table. He can’t help but smile again. He knows what makes him happy. Happier than he ever thought he could be.

God knows why he said “monkeys”.

THE END

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[jamaisjoons]

everythingoes | kth & jjk

Summary: He is all the things you feel when fireworks light up the night sky. But everything is momentary and everything fades, just like those very same fireworks.

Pairing: Fuckboy!Taehyung x Reader; Jungkook x Reader

Genre: ANGST, so much fucking angst, smut, (barely there) fluff

Word Count: 24k

Warnings: cheating, sweet taehyung being a dick (I’m sorry tiger cub, I love you), a toxic relationship, possessive Taehyung, sex while semi-intoxicated (they can still consent), oral (fem and male receiving), panty play? I think, taehyung with a monster schlong, deep throating, face fucking, dirty talk, breast play, very slight cock/body worship, face sitting/riding, squirting, cum eating, riding, taehyung having a crazy amount of stamina, hair pulling, multiple orgasms, spanking, forced orgasm, creampie, slight breeding kink

A/N: Highkey, I was listening to mono when I came up with this plot and then when I was typing a certain scene. I wonder if you can guess exactly what scene that is lmao. In other news, this AU fried my last remaining brain cell and honestly I just want to rest for three years. My fingers are practically number from typing. UNEDITED because I’m DONE with it (for now). I’ll edit when my brain cells regenerate

You sat in the corner of the lecture room, trying your hardest to focus on the reading material in front of you. Usually, you barely paid attention in lectures, preferring to scroll through social media. It wasn’t that you were a bad student, in most classes, you would pay attention. The sole reason for your lack of attention in this one class was due to the professor reading off the slides, word for word. She never explained anything further and therefore her lectures were as boring as boring could get. But it also meant that you could do what you want and not miss a single thing.

So why was it that you were trying so hard to pay attention, this particular lecture?

You heard a small giggle and stiffened in your seat, the sound causing the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up. You grit your teeth and slid further down into your seat, trying to make yourself as small as possible. Thatwas the reason for your sudden attention to the Professor’s material. You glared at the screen, trying your hardest to keep your eyes from wandering away from your screen. However, when a deep chuckle followed, you couldn’t help but chance a glance. It was almost as if you were drawn to the sound, completely ensnared by the deep throaty laugh. Almost like the temptation of a siren’s song.

And then it was as if you couldn’t look away.

Try as you might, you can’t seem to break your gaze away from him. No, instead you take in the sight of from your seat. You’re currently at the back of the lecturer room, as far into the corner as you could be and your seat gives you the perfect view of him. Or well, technically a perfect view of the back of his head and side profile. With a slight wave of nostalgia, you realise he’s growing out his hair again and there are signs of the cutest mullet. The locks by the nape of his neck stick out in different directions and for a brief moment you get irresistible urge to run your fingers through them. His hair, unlike two weeks ago, was bleached to a light shade of blonde and while you love his natural hair best, you can’t help but think he looks devilishly handsome.

You had met Kim Taehyung six years ago, when the both of you were sixteen. Of course, you had known of Taehyung throughout the entirety of your high school career. He was the highschool heartthrob, the most beautiful boy to walk the halls of Busan High. He had broken more hearts than you could count on your hands. Of course, that was more due to the sheer number of girls who were in love with him. It was almost impossible to not know who Kim Taehyung was. Despite his status, he was still loved by everyone and anyone. He was as charismatic and friendly as they come; traits that leant to his ‘heartthrob’ persona and sometimes you wondered how a sweetheart such as Taehyung had even managed to break hearts. The boy was a dork and as sweet as cotton candy.

You had never thought much of Taehyung, even in school. However, that had all changed one faithful day.

{Flashback: March 2013}

You were sitting in your art and photography class, staring out the window as you waited class to start. It was the middle of Spring and the plum blossoms had already bloomed, the roads completely littered with the petals. Even with the light wind, you could see the rustling of the branches, with each movement, more and more blush pink, delicate petals scattering in the air. You lose yourself in the scenic landscape for a couple more minutes. That is, until you’re cut out of your daydream by a series of giggles and you turn your attention to the girls sitting at the front of the class.

Their eyes are solely fixated on the boy walking through the door, a large boxy smile on his face, framed either side by his chubby cheeks. His large brown eyes are sparkling, uneven lids just adding to the subtle beauty that surrounds him. Kim Taehyung was the school heartthrob and for good reasons. He was even best friends with the school council president Park Jimin, the two as thick as thieves ever since Taehyung moved from Daegu to Busan. The girls continued giggling as they stared dreamily at Taehyung, their faces flushed lightly as they sent him their brightest smile.

Taehyung sent them both flirtatious winks, causing both of them to fluster, one even dropping her books. Taehyung let out a small chuckle before he bent over to pick them up, squatting down until he’s face to face with the girl. You watched as he slowly gathers the books into his hand before rising back to his full height. You keep your attention trained at him, eyes narrowed on his figure, watching as he hands the books over to the girl, fingertips brushing against hers before smiling at her cheekily. The girl lets out a small squeak, her hot red before she turns and quickly runs away. You roll your eyes at the cheesy exchange, sneering slightly at the girls before turning your attention back out the window.

Soon enough, class begins and your teacher drones on and on about still life drawings and the depth of emotion you can capture with them. He continues monotonously monologuing the ‘true’ nature of still art and it takes every single ounce of your control to resist the urge to scream. This was practically all he spoke about, and you understood it stemmed from his passion for still life (despite the complete lack of emotion in his voice); but at the same time, you’d rather learn about something else. Especially considering this was your fifth class about still life drawing.

Therefore, instead of paying attention, you continue ignoring the teacher; choosing to daydream as you stare out the window instead. You imagine yourself being somewhere far away from here, quite literally anywherebut here and before you know it, your teacher is dismissing you. You let out a sigh of relief as you begin packing up, shoving your books back into your bag before getting up to leave. However, as soon as you stood up, you come face to chest with someone. You tilt your head, eyebrow shooting into your hairline as you were met with Taehyung’s smiling face.

You reel back slightly, trying to put in some distance between you and the man, wondering what on earthhe could want with you. You look around the room slightly, confused by the baffling glares of all the girls who were also in your class. You sent them a sneer, causing them to let out a scoff before walking away, muttering something about how something or the other wasn’t fair. You briefly recognise the girl who had dropped her books earlier looking slightly disheartened, sending a longing glance towards Taehyung before looking at you with jealousy. You turn your attention back to Taehyung, raising your eyebrow once against.

“Is there something you need, Taehyung-ssi?” You asked and Taehyung’s face morphed into one of confusion.

“Were you paying attention ____-ssi? We’re partners” Taehyung replies and you almost choke, spluttering at him.

“What? Partners for what?” You splutter and Taehyung laughs at you, the noise deep and baritone and you wonder whatsixteen-year old’s voice is so deep. He sounds more like a man than anything.

“Miss Ahn partnered us up for the end of term project. We have two weeks to come up with what we want to do, art or photography wise” Taehyung replies cheerily and you nod along, finally understanding why the girls were angry at you. You let out a small sigh, this was surely going to cause problems. How were you and Taehyung supposed to work on a project for two weeks without you being murdered by his fan club? You silently pray to whatever god is out there, because you were sure you were going to need it.

“Alright, drop me your number and we can figure out when we need to meet and work on it. Have you thought of something you want to work on?” You ask and Taehyung nods eagerly as he punches his number into your phone.

“I’ve got a few ideas, one of them inspired by Van Gogh. However, I also want to do something photography related. But we can speak more about another day” Taehyung says and you nod swiftly.

“Alright perfect. I look forward to working with you Taehyung-ssi” You say more out of obligation and societal politeness than anything else and Taehyung’s only response is a large grin, a cheeky wink following as he turns to leave.

{End of Flashback}

That’s the first time you meet Taehyung. You had been expecting to work on a simple project and then both move on to your separate ways. What you didn’t expect is to genuinely enjoy his company over the next two weeks. Sure, his flirting was borderline excessive and ridiculous. But Taehyung was still fun to work with, especially when you realised how serious he was and how much he loved art. You didn’t expect to somehow grow attached and you especially didn’t expect for Taehyung to become your best friend. But, throughout working with him, you had realised that everyone was right. It was physically impossible to hate Taehyung; he was entirely too sweet. Suddenly, you understood exactly why all the girls would swoon over him.

Your lecturer continued droning on and on and you resisted the urge to face plant your desk out of misery. You were both in Art History, it was your minor and the only reason you had taken it was because you needed to make up the credits. You had always had a vagueinterest in art, but it could never measure up to Taehyung’s love for all things old, classic and artsy. You however, preferred academics and your major was chemistry. Why you had to take Art History to complete your Chemistry degree, you had no idea. But it was either Art History or Politics and you would ratherdiethan spend a single minute surrounded by pretentious conservatives who thought they knew how the world worked despite daddy’s money paying for everything.

The lecturer cracked a joke and you rolled your eyes from the back of the lecture hall, wishing the torture would just end. However, your attention is once again drawn by a deep chuckle, a sound that you could recognise anywhere. You watch Taehyung laugh with the rest of the class, his eyes sparkling with happiness and his lips pulled into a huge grin. His face fills you with nostalgia and you’re thrown back to the first time you questioned your previously platonic feelings for Taehyung.

{June 2014}

“____! Come on, just get in. I promise nothing will happen. You knowyou’re safest when with me” Taehyung pleads and you scoff at him, arms crossed around your chest as you eye him wearily. It’s been a good year since you befriended Taehyung. It had been a rocky start, especially considering Taehyung had tried to flirt with you constantly, despite you refusing his advances time and time again. However, eventually he had realised that you weren’t going to give in and had toned it down. Despite your art project ending, you had still kept in touch. But you could never have imagined that somehow, he’d have ended up as your best and closest friend. You trust Taehyung with your entire life. Figuratively. But as he stands there in front of you, a pout on his lips and his eyes pleading as he holds out car keys, his newly gifted car behind him, you wonder if you couldquite literallytrust Taehyung with your life.

You’re still seventeen, but Taehyung is older than you and he’s just completed his eighteenth birthday, which means that legallyTaehyung is allowed to drive. And with that, comes a test of how much you actuallytrust him. On a good day, he has your complete, unfaltering trust. But today, you’re not so sure. Because he’sjustpassed his test and you aren’t sure whether you want to get in a car with him, where he’s behind the wheel. Especially at night time, when the roads are dark and barely lit.

But Taehyung is insistent. He wants the first person he drives to be you and it has to be now, at night, because he’s driving his mother to the airport the next day. He continuously pleads and when he lets out a small whine; you give in, throwing your hands in the air. Taehyung yelps in victory, fist pumping through the air before opening your door like the gentleman he is. As soon as you get in, you buckle up; Taehyung getting into his own seat, grinning at you widely. He’s entirely too giddy and you wonder what you’re getting into. He’s got something planned and you know it as well as you know the back of your own hand.

“What?” You ask, and Taehyung lets out a little giggle. He reaches over you and rummages through the glove box before pulling something out.

“Okay, so you know, how the other day, RM dropped his new mixtape Mono? And how we said it’d be perfect to listen to on a night drive?” Taehyung says and you quirk an eyebrow, nodding slightly. He lifts up the album he pulled out and your eyebrows shoot up. So, he hadbeen planning something.

“God damn it, I should have known you were planning something. You don’thave to drop your mother to the airport, tomorrow do you? This is all just some elaborate plan for you to rope me into doing dumb shit with you at midnight” You whine, pointing an accusatory finger at Taehyung and you internally cheer victoriously when Taehyung throws his hands up in defeat, a sheepish smile on his face.

“Okay, okay, you caught me! But I didwant you to be the first person I drove. Also, today is a beautiful night and I want to show this with you. Come on, ____ pretty please? For me?” Taehyung pouts and as soon as his lip quivers you know you are done for. You let out an infuriated scream, tugging your hair in frustration before smacking the dashboard. Taehyung watches you with an amused smile and you resist the urge to lean over and throttle him. Because both of you know exactlywhat Taehyung’s puppy dog look does to you. How was anyonesupposed to resist him when he was flashing his wide brown eyes, plush lips pulled into a perfected pout?

“Fuck! Fine! Fine, just fucking drive. But I just want you to know, if we die, I’m haunting your ass forever” You threaten and Taehyung grins brightly before turning the key and starting the ignition. A small sense of dread fills you when Taehyung slightly revs the engine, one hand on the gear stick. You dotrust Taehyung to keep you safe, because he was right, you weresafest when with him. However, Taehyung was known to be slightly reckless and you didn’t put it past him to suddenly speed down the motorway.

“Alright babe, get ready for the best night of your life” Taehyung says with a wink and you jokingly gag at his words. Even though you were both best friends, Taehyung still threw his lame pickup lines or ‘smooth’ moves on you every now and then ‘To keep you on your toes’ he claimed, but you both knew he just enjoyed riling you up. Plus, it was more out of habit than anything, because at 18, Taehyung is somehow a bigger flirt than he was at 17. You theorise that perhaps it’s to do with his newfound growth spurt, making his already tall stature even taller.

Taehyung shifts the gear and slowly begins reversing, one hand around the back of your seat as he turns around, making sure the space behind him his clear through the rear window. Once you’re out of the drive, Taehyung shifts gears once again and presses down on the accelerator and suddenly the two of you are driving down the empty roads of Busan.

“Come on Iris, play the CD” Taehyung says and you hope Taehyung doesn’t hear the sharp intake of breath. He had begun calling you Iris three months into your friendship, the nickname solely reserved for you. You had questioned him many times as to why he called you that, but each time the explanation changed. The first was because according to him, ‘Irises’ was his favourite painting by Vincent Van Gogh; however, you knew that to be false because his favourite painting was ‘Starry Night over the Rhône’. The second time you asked, he had said it was because irises were a beautiful flower and somehow, they just suited you, even ifyour favourite flower were chrysanthemums. The third time you ask, he finally admits it’s because Iris is the god of Rainbows and irises are purple. The last colour of the rainbow. He says the colour signifies how you’d be together forever. Just you and him. You liked that idea.

“Iris? ____? You okay?” Taehyung asks and you blink owlishly as he pulls you out of your reverie. You shake your head slightly, smiling sheepishly as you slot the CD into the player. You turn the volume up slightly and you hear the soft sound of a car driving on the road begin before the loud chiming as ‘Tokyo’ starts playing, the soft sound of the piano filling the car. RM’s deep, but low husky voice begins and you’re slowly plunged into the calm of the atmosphere.

It’s completely dark outside as it’s nearing 1am, and neither you nor Taehyung speak as he navigates expertly through the streets of Busan. You lean your head against the window, condensation slightly blurring your view. But even then, you can still make out the dim lights of the stars and moon as they shine above you, the city lights drowning them out. However, the further you drive, the more you notice them as they slowly become brighter and brighter, and suddenly; when you can see them clearly, you realise that Taehyung has driven you far from the city.

The two of you are on a road by the beachside, the lights of the city now faint and behind you. You can faintly hear the crashing of the ocean waves on the beach as you race through empty roads. You startle slightly as you breathe in the crisp, slightly salted air, wondering when Taehyung had rolled down the windows. A part of you wonders how long you were staring out the window, completely lost in your thoughts. ‘uhgood’ is currently playing and with a startling realisation, you recognize it being the fourth time it’s been played, which means you’ve been driving for more than an hour. You glance at the clock in the car, eyes widening at the display. How was it already nearing 2am? The drive barelyfelt like twenty minutes, how had a complete two hours passed?

You turn back to Taehyung, opening your mouth to say something about turning back but instead you’re utterly floored by the view you’re met with. Taehyung is completely focused on the road, his grip on the steering wheel loose. He looks at ease, a soft smile on his face as the mixtape continues playing in the background. The wind slowly rustles through his hair, the susurrus noises only adding to the stillness of the atmosphere surrounding you. You’re almost captivated by how beautiful he is. He always has been. You know this. It is not an opinion but a mere fact. Because Taehyung isbeautiful. But seeing him now, you’re almost pulled into a trance.

Taehyung has grown up the last year, he’s lost some of his chubbiness, but you can still see hints around his cheekbones. His jaw is slightly more angled now and his features sharp, especially his eyes as they twinkle with mischief. The soft glow of the moonlight highlights his high cheekbones, his tan skin softly glowing, the darkness completely encasing him; almost as if it’s highlighting him in the low light. His hair is softly blowing in the wind, the dark locks slightly ruffled and simply adding to his charm. From your angle, you can see his long thick eyelashes brush against his cheeks every time he blinks. Right here, right now, Taehyung is the most gorgeous creature you have ever seen or could ever know. You don’t think he could get anymore stunning.

And then he turns to you.

And he smiles.

Your breath hitches slightly, the large grin pushing up his cheeks and emphasizing the slight chubbiness he still has with him, thanks to his grandmother’s constant mission to keep him well fed and healthy. His boxy smile stirs something in you and then he winks and applies more pressure onto the accelerator, speeding up. You know you should be slightly worried; it’s dark and Taehyung is speeding. But you’re so caught up in how breath-taking he looks that you fail to reprimand him. Instead, you drown further into him.

“You alright Iris?” Taehyung asks, his voice deep and husky and you have no idea why, but your heart achesat his words.

“I’m fine Tae, just fine” You breathe out, hoping he doesn’t notice the slight breathlessness to your voice. Especially when he moves his hand from the back of your seat to take your hand in his, squeezing it slightly.

{End of Flashback}

You scoff at your past self, wishing desperately that you could go back in time and rewind everything. That was the day you began falling for your best friend. A huge cliché, you were aware. But how could you notfall for Taehyung? He was almost perfect. However, Taehyung didn’t date. He was a flirt and a fuckboy through and through. You knew this better than anyone. You had always thought you’d be immune to it, but how the mighty have fallen. You smiled bitterly as you pondered your very much unrequited love for your best friend. Best friend. You continue perusing Taehyung, your heart plummeting in your chest.

Sometimes it hurt just looking at him.

You could still clearly remember the day you had the startling realisation that you were in love with your best friend. It was almost four years ago, when the two of you had just graduated from highschool.

{Flashback July 2015}

“Iris, come on sweet, it’s our last night as highschool students! We can’tmiss this” Taehyung whines and you ignore the way your heartbeat slightly speeds up at his nickname.

“God Taehyung, why are you dragging me along? It’s not as if you’ll actually be with me the night anyway” You glare at him and Taehyung looks at you in both surprise and confusion.

“____, why would I not be with you?” Taehyung asks and you let out a little scoff. You knew Taehyung like the back of your hand. You had been best friends for almost two years now and you’d like to think you knew exactly what would happen at the celebratory bonfire for seniors. Taehyung would spend twenty minutes with you, keeping you company and making sure you were alright. But then, he’d find himself a girl and chase after her and then he’d disappear. Like he always did.

“Tae come on, we both know you’re going to leave the minute you find a girl you want to fuck” You sneer and as soon as the words are out, you wonder why they leave a bad taste in your mouth. Or why your stomach churns at the thought of Taehyung with another girl.

“God ____, I know I’m usually like that, but I’m not going to ditch you tonight of all nights. If I promise to stay with you, will you come?” Taehyung pouts and you narrow your eyes at him slightly. Taehyung only deepens his pout and you let out a sigh of defeat, Taehyung grinning when he hears it. You silently berated yourself, wondering why he had so much power over you. Why was it that a singlepout always had you doing his bidding? It was as if he did it and cast a spell on you, making sure you always bent to his whims.

“Fuck, fine! But if you leave me Kim Taehyung, I swear to any god out there, I willfind you and castrate you. Whether you’re balls deep in the girl or not” You threatened, Taehyung wincing slightly before wrapping his arms around you, hugging you tight to his body.

“Gods Iris, I promise not to leave you. I just wanna spend the night having fun with my best friend” Taehyung promises, placing a soft kiss onto your temple and silently you wonder just what you’ve gotten yourself into.

A couple hours later, you find yourself sitting beside a bonfire, surrounded by various other people in your year who are graduating with you. True to his word, Taehyung has refused to leave your side; even when girls come over to try and lure him from you. Taehyung, however, obediently stays by your side. Which is why, you find yourself seated on the grass, Taehyung sitting behind you on one of the makeshift seats. Your back is pressed tightly against his chest, one of his arms is loosely thrown around your body and this you’re completely encompassed by his warmth. You’re so close to Taehyung that you can feel the deep rumbles of his laughter more than you can hear it.

“I can’t believe we’re finally graduating from this hell hole of a school. I honestly didn’t even think we’d make it this far” Park Jimin, Taehyung’s other best friend and self-proclaimed soulmate laments and you roll your eyes at him, throwing some grass at him.

“Agreed on the hell hole, but didn’t you love school? You were one of the best students in our year, not to mention school president ever since you set foot in Busan High” You teased and Jimin looks at you with wide eyes, full of shock and mock betrayal.

“Hey! Just because I excelled at school, doesn’t mean I didn’t think it was a hell hole. I can’t wait to go to university and study dance. Goodbye maths, goodbye science” Jimin cheers victoriously and you snort at him.

“Weren’t you top of the class in maths and science?” You snicker and Jimin slams the ground with his small palms in mock rage, pointing at you accusatorily.

“YAH! Stop pocking holes in my story and let me whine in peace” Jimin yells and you snicker.

“Sorry Jiminie, please Mr. School President, tell us all about how much you hated school and are glad to be moving onto university” You tease and this time Jimin turns to Taehyung.

“Yah, Taehyung, control your girl” Jimin complains and you immediately freeze, wondering why your heart skips a beat and begins racing at the speed of hummingbird wings. You except Taehyung to rebuff and correct Jimin, but all he does is chuckle and you can feel the deep baritone sound against your back; the feeling only serving to speed up your heartbeat further.

“Iris does whatever she wants Jiminie, if I can’t stop her teasing me, I don’t know how I’m supposed to stop her teasing you” Taehyung chortles and you wince slightly, your skin suddenly feeling very flushed.

“Hey! It’s started!” Someone calls out, pointing up at the sky. All your attention is drawn towards the sky and this time, your breath is taken away by the beautiful display of sparks lighting up the sky. The intense kaleidoscopic display fills up the entire night sky, loud booms and high whistling filling the night air as they continuously go off. Hues of every shade fill your vision, blues, greens, oranges, reds, golds and so many more and you completely lose yourself in this sight of it all.

“____, look! It’s so beautiful! Hey, that one was purple and yellow, those are our favourite colours!” Taehyung says, bouncing with delight. Your face softens slightly. No matter how old he got, Taehyung never lost his childlike innocence and playfulness. You feel his giddiness course through your veins and it only causes your heart to flutter more. You try and focus on the lights, aweing and oohing along with everyone else. But then, Taehyung wraps his arms tighter around your body, pulling you closer into his embrace and briefly you feel him nuzzle his nose in your hair; breathing in your scent, but you’re positiveyou’ve made it up. And  then, he says something that has you breaking out of your stupor.

“I’m glad you’re here with me. I wouldn’t want to share this with anyone else” Taehyung whispers into your hair and you snap your head to face him, almost giving yourself whiplash. However, when you come face to face with him, his attention is already back on the sky. But now, your attention is solely focused on him.

His skin glows in the dim amber flames of the bonfire, and every now the flashes of the fireworks illume him even more. For the second time in your life, you’re completely floored by how trulybeautifulKim Taehyung is. Once again, your heart aches but this time you know exactly how you feel. Because for an entire year now you’ve questioned whether your feelings were completely platonic. And now, in this very moment, with the prismatic explosion of colour in the background, you sincerely understand the depth of the emotions you feel for your best friend. Taehyung is all the things you feel when fireworks illuminate the sky.

You finally realise, that you are completely, utterly and irrevocably in love with Kim Taehyung.

{End of Flashback}

After that day, your relationship with Taehyung had somewhat changed. Not on his end obviously, but more on yours. Every time he did something sweet, your heart would cinch. Every compliment, every flirtatious comment, every term of endearment, drove you wild. There were times you wanted to scream and run, there were times when you wanted to grab him by the collar and kiss him senseless, confessing your love for him. But instead, you kept everything bottled up and loved him from far.

There is very little you wouldn’t give to go back in time to that very moment and yell at yourself to not do it. To not fall in love with him. Taehyung had never had a relationship. He was always a lone fuckboy who spent more time running from commitment than he did between girls’ legs. Which, considering just howmany people he’d bedded, was a lotof time running from commitment. There was a time, when Taehyung was a hopeless romantic. A time when he dreamt about meeting the one and falling in love. A time when he spent dreaming about a marriage, children and a white picket fence. That had all changed when his parents had split up and his entire world had crashed around him, leaving a disillusioned boy with major commitment and trust issues.

Taehyung never being in a relationship had made life so much easier for you. Sure, you had to deal with him sleeping around, but you never had to deal with him being in love or seeing someone else. For a very long time, the only constant female in Taehyung’s life was you. Secretly, you had loved it because it meant, that in a weird twisted way, Taehyung was yours and only yours. The girl he ran to with problems, the girl he took on ‘dates’, the girl he spent valentines with. Every important moment was spent with you. You were the one he always ran to at the end of the day and you had loved it, cherished it. Held it close to your heart.

But nothing lasted forever. Everything was fleeting and a couple years after falling in love with him, you soon realised that Taehyung’s solo career was also temporary.

{Flashback November 2017}

You sit on the sofa, casually flicking through the different films and series on Netflix, looking for something, anythingto watch and cure your boredom as you slurp on ramen aka your very nutritious and filling dinner for the night. Note your sarcasm. But, it’s what student life was like and you were entirely too poor to complain about it. You’re in your shared flat with Jimin and Taehyung but both boys have made themselves scarce. Jimin had left for dance practice twenty minutes ago and Taehyung had been out the entire day.

Deadline season was quickly approaching, which meant that Taehyung had become desperate to find a model for his photography project, especially after putting off the assignment for a month. You had offered and he’d almost taken you up on your offer, until someone finally responded to his flyer. He had quickly apologised for almost ‘forcing’ you into working with him, kissed your forehead and had then run out. A part of you had felt dejected but you quickly brushed those feelings off. And now here you were, all by your lonesome, scrolling endlessly through Netflix. Ten minutes later, you’re ready to give up and head to bed, when the door bursts open and Taehyung enters.

You regard him with weariness, wondering why he looks so happy. His eyes are sparkling and his lips are pulled into a wide smile. His shoulders are shaking, he’s giddy, and full of that childlike exuberance you love so much and despite yourself, somehow, he manages to cause you to fall in love all over again. A feat you thought completely impossible. And yet, there he was proving you wrong all over again. He walks up to you and throws himself on the sofa next to you. You raise an eyebrow at him and briefly wonder why he’s so happy.

“The best thing happened to me. I think I’m cured” Taehyung says cheerily and now you’re definitely intrigued. What could have happened in the few hours that he was gone to get him so happy? You hadn’t ever seen him like this, at least, not since the divorce.

“I take it, your photography project went well? Got all the shots you needed?” You ask and Taehyung nods enthusiastically, but you sense it’s more than that.

“Oh, what is it? Why are you so excited? And cured of what?” You ask, but now, looking back, you wished you had left. You wished you had gone to bed earlier. You wished you had been his model because nothingcould have prepared you for the words that spilled out his mouth next.

“It went more than well. There’s a girl in our Art History class, I don’t know if you’ve heard of her, but her name is Choi Hyorin. She’s the one that answered my ad” Taehyung begins and dread begins pooling in your stomach. You want to wave it off because Taehyung’s always been surrounded by girls, but they’ve never lasted more than a one-night stand. You want to think that the dread is because he’s about to go into detail about his little rendezvous but deep down, you know it’s more than that.

“I think I’ve heard of her; she’s the one with the small face, big eyes and long black hair, right?” You ask and Taehyung nods enthusiastically.

“Yes! So, we did a few shots, and I don’t know how I never noticed how cute she was. We spent the entire day going around looking for the best place to take the photos. We went to parks, graffitied buildings, rooftops. Anywhere with aesthetic shots and I shit you not, everypicture was beautiful. And she’sso beautiful, not to mention funny and oh my gods, ____, we have the exact same interests! I’ve never met anyone like her, we just clickedand never once did I even think of fucking and ditching her. We click on so many things, she loves blues, RnB and jazz, her favourite artist is Van Gogh and she loves H.E.R. as well. I loved spending every moment with her and we’re even meeting again in a couple days to head to that jazz night in the karaoke bar” Taehyung gushes and rants and each and every word is like a dagger to your quickly plummeting heart. You feel like your entire world is falling apart and you want nothing more than to run into your room and cocoon yourself in your sheets and never come out again, but Taehyung continues ranting and raving about how amazing she was and how she has the cutest laugh, and the way her eyes sparkle in the setting sun and the way she feels against him. He goes on and on for what feels like hours and you can do nothing more than smile and nod, despite how much your heart is breaking; because you are nothingbut his best friend and it’s your job to listen to him.

He doesn’t know what you feel for him.

He doesn’t know how much he owns your heart.

He doesn’t know that his next words break that very same heart.

“____, I’m telling you. I’ve never felt like this about anyone in my entire life. I… I honestly believe she’s the one. I think she’s the girl of my dreams. I know I’ve sworn of love and relationships because of my parents… but I think she’s the girl to heal those wounds. I think, if it’s her, I can truly love again. Am I crazy?” Taehyung asks, looking at you in wide eyed wonder and you take in a shuddering deep breath. You bottle all your feelings for him and give him your best, brightest smile despite how much it feels like an elephant has stomped all over your chest and you hug him.

“Of course, not Taehyung. If you honestly feel like that, then I’m sure you’re not crazy. I’m glad you found someone that makes you happy” You choke out, internally cheering at how level your voice is. Despite everything, you’re not lying. You areglad he’s found someone. Because even if you were in love with him, at the end of the day, you were his best friend.

And Taehyung’s happiness always comes first.

{End of flashback}

The giggle you heard before once again fills the room and you sink further into your seat. You try hard to block out Hyorin’s giggles, especially since she’s the reason you’re trying to focus on the dreaded lecture notes but it’s hard to do so, especially when it’s followed by Taehyung’s deep chuckles. It’s been fifteen months since Hyorin and Taehyung became a couple. Fifteen whole months of nothing but heartbreak, fake smiles and unrequited love. You had tried so very hard to get over Taehyung, you had dated, fallen into your own trysts of one-night stands, hell you even tried Tinder in a desperate attempt. But no one had ever compared to Taehyung. None of them were as exciting or stole your breath like he did. And so, after ten months, you had given up all hope of ever moving on and instead accepted your condemned fate of forever being in love with your best friend.

However, it had become slightly easier. Despite the tumultuous love you felt for Taehyung, it had become easier. But not because you were accepting of his love for Hyorin. It had become easier because ever since they had gotten together, you and Taehyung had become distant. You had once been the only constant female in Taehyung’s life, but that had changed when he and Hyorin became exclusive. Suddenly, that position was no longer reserved for you, but for her.

Now he spent valentine’s day with her, he took her on dates, he bought her meaningful Christmas gifts, spent his birthday with her and only her. She was the girl he now ran to and the girl who dealt with his problems. It hadn’t started out like that, he had made a lot of time for you. Promised things would never change and that you’d always be the number one girl in his life. But that was the thing about relationships. When a new person was added, it always changed. There was no way it couldn’t. He had tried. He really had and you couldn’t fault him for it. Because he hadtried to balance you both, but at the end of the day, she always took precedence and slowly, you began drifting.

He spent less time with you, and spent more time with her. He spent less time speaking and texting you, and spent more time texting and speaking to her. And now, he spent more time at her apartment than he spent in the home he shared with you and Jimin. You lived with Taehyung and yet the most you’d seen him was in your shared Art History class. And yet, you couldn’t fault him for anything because she’s the one. You watch as he throws his arm around her shoulder, pulling her in closer to him. You see the way he smiles at her, his eyes filled with nothing but adoration. You see it all.

Taehyung is completely, utterly and irrevocably in love.

But not with you.

“Gods, are you okay, ____? You look a right mess” Jimin says as he enters your room and you glare at him.

“I’m fine Jimin, what do you want?” You ask and Jimin shrugs, entering your room and sitting on your bed. Ever since you moved in with him and Taehyung, you and Jimin had grown a lot closer. Sure, your friendship never matched the one you had with Taehyung, but you were close nevertheless.

“Nothing really, Taehyung is out with Hyorin and I’m bored. That’s like the fifth time this month he’s ditched me for her” Jimin pouts and you wince slightly because the last thing you want right now, especially since Taehyung hadn’t even madeplans with you for over three weeks.

You quieten down and become maudlin. Distance with Taehyung is something you have become awfully familiar with. Something you never thought you’d have to become familiar with. But you’re feeling particularly morose today and you’re plunged into the ‘what ifs’. What if you had confessed to Taehyung, what if youhad modelled for his art project instead of Hyorin. What if you had never met him?These are the thoughts that fill your head currently. What ifs are dangerous territory and your thoughts only serve in causing you to sink further into heartbreak. You miss Taehyung. You miss the friendship dates, you miss visits to cafes and museums, you miss his stupid pickup lines and flirtatious comments. But most of all, you miss him. You miss your best friend more than anything.

“You look like you’re about to cry” Jimin says, breaking you out of your thoughts and you suck in a sharp breath, blinking away the tears in your eyes. When had you even began welling up?

“Should I call Taehyung?” Jimin asks and you quickly shake your head, curling your fists around your sheets are you tried to get your emotions back in check.

“Please don’t” You whisper and Jimin hums in thought.

“Because he’s the reason you’re crying?” Jimin asks and you snap your head towards him. Your breath hitches in fear as you stare at him in wide eyed panic but Jimin just shrugs nonchalantly, sending you a knowing look.

“Please, I know how you feel about him. Everyone knows it. You know it, I know it, the entire campus knows it. The only person who doesn’t is Taehyung” Jimin says and you let out a choked sound, trying to find the words to deny his claims.

“Please don’t try and deny it. Don’t insult my intelligence like that. Everyone knows.And yes, that everyone includes Hyorin” Jimin replies and your eyebrows furrow.

“What do you mean?” You ask and Jimin lets out a bemused chuckle.

“Why do you think you and Taehyung have barely been spending time together? She knew and she was jealous. She knew you loved him and she knew that Taehyung and your friendship was something special. So, she tried to monopolise his time as much as possible. And surprise, surprise it worked. There were times he wanted to hang out with you, but she asked him on those days and he said yes. It only worked because you were so willing to let him go. Because at some point, you stopped fighting her for his time and attention” Jimin said and you stammer, unsure of what to make of things.

“Y-You mean he chose her? Over me? As in, there were days when he wanted to spend time with me, but chose to spend time with her instead?” You ask, fearing his answer.

“I guess you could see it like that yeah” Jimin says and despair fills your ever fibre. You had always assumed that Taehyung’s distance had been because he was consumed by Hyorin. You had never once thought that Taehyung if given the option to spend time with you, Taehyung would still choose her. Mainly because you thought you meant more to him than that. You let out a small sob, tears welling in your eyes and Jimin looks at you sadly.

“I’m sorry ____. But I have watched you be in love with my idiot of a best friend for years. And he was too stupid to realise he loved you too” Jimin says sadly and you snort,  looking at him in cynicism.

“Oh yeah, Taehyung in love with me. Please Jimin, next joke” You sneer out and Jimin lets out a humourless laugh.

“Please. He did. I know he did. Every time you’d sleep with someone, or date someone, he’d get angry and overprotective. There were times when he even threatened guys to stay away from you. You don’t do that for justa best friend. He loved you. He loves you. He’s just too much of an idiot to see it but when he and Hyorin break up, he’ll realise how much he loves you and what he lost. Trust me” Jimin says and you shake your head, sneering once again.

“Please don’t lie to me Jimin, he never loved me and never could. I’m not her” You reply, your tone full of defeat and Jimin lets out a shriek of frustration.

“Stop that! I know Taehyung. I know him better than anyone and that may not include you, but your judgement is clouded by your feelings. I have watched you idiots be in love with each other for so long. But Hyorin comes and Taehyung being theidiothe is decides to think with his dick and convince himself he’s in love with her when he’s not. I have watched you love him this entire time, I have watched him break your heart. I have watched him slowly destroy you and turn you into the shell of a person you once were. And I’m tired. I love him but I’m sorry to say that your love is wasted on him. He doesn’t deserve it. You are a beautiful, vibrant girl. A girl whose love is better spent on someone else. It’s time you moved on” Jimin rants and you scoff at him.

“Easy for you to say that. I’ve tried that and it didn’t work” You sneer and Jimin shakes his head. He get up and heads to your closet; you watch in confusion as he pulls out an outfit and lays it on your bed.

“Well you’re going to try again. Get up and shower, we’re going out. I’m not going to sit by and watch you slowly break apart anymore. I care about you too much for that” Jimin says and you let out a small sigh.

“Jimin it’s not going to work. I’ve tried the getting under someone else approach” You say and he looks at you in annoyance.

“Well you’re going to try harder. I’m not taking no for an answer. Get up and shower. Now” Jimin’s tone is final and you know him well enough to know that you’re not winning this battle. So, you let out a small groan and grab the clothes he’d laid out, grumbling to yourself as you pop into the shower.

“Cheers!” Jimin says, clinking his shot glass against yours before you wrap your lips around the rim and down it in one go. You wince slightly at the taste of tequila searing down your throat before shaking your head. You were already four shots deep and the alcohol was blurring your mind, the haze surrounding you and making you feel happier and lighter than you had in a while. You still have your wits about you and you’re nowhere close to being drunk but it’s enough to take off the nervous edge. The music was pounding in your ear drums and you could feel the bass vibrate through your entire body, your hips moving slowly to the rhythm despite yourself.

“Alright, let’s find you someone to go home with” Jimin says, the two of you turning around to scout the different guys.

“What about him?” You point out and Jimin shakes his head.

“That’s Jung Hoseok, he’s a year above me and in my dance classes. He’s seeing someone called Sooyun or something” Jimin says and you sigh before you continue looking around.

“How about him?” You ask pointing out another guy.

“Yoongi-hyung? No, he’s gay and probably dragged here by Hoseokie-hyung. Why do we know so many people who are here?” Jimin asks with a sigh and you giggle.

“Because this club is popular in our university. Hey, how about that guy?” You say, pointing out to someone else.

“Ah, Kim Yugyeom. He’s also in my dance class but he’s single and loves to sleep around. No strings attached and from what I’ve heard a good lay. Go for it” Jimin says and you smile brightly at him before looking swigging your next shot. You begin walking towards him and soon he spots you walking towards him. He gives you a wide grin and winks, and before you know it, you’re face to chest with the tall boy. Yugyeom immediately grips you by the waist and begins moving his hips, body rolling against you.

The way he moves is sinful and you throw caution to the wind. You close your eyes and grind against him, head thrown just under his shoulder as you move your ass against his hips. Yugyeom’s hands move to your hips and his fingertips grip onto them, fingers bruising. He swirls his hips particularly hard, pressing his crotch against your ass as his lips trail along your neck, pressing soft kisses against it. You let out a moan that gets lost in the noise of the club but Yugyeom feels the vibration. He spins you around, arm wrapping around your back as he continues grinding against you. His lips slowly begin descending on yours and just when they meet, you’re roughly pulled apart.

You turn around in shock and your eyes widen when you’re met face to face with a very angry Taehyung. He’s glaring at the slightly taller man before pushing Yugyeom off of you. You splutter, unsure what to say and frantically look around for Jimin but he’s nowhere to be seen. Taehyung grabs you by the wrist and begins pulling you out of the club. You try to break free but Taehyung turns around and glares at you and immediately you feel weak and dejected. You allow him to slowly drag him out of the club. He hails a taxi and puts you in before getting in on the other side. The entire drive is tense and you have so many questions. But instead, you sit in silence, stewing over the events. The more time passes and the more time you have to think about it, only serves to make you angry. You were so ready to move on and he just had to ruin it. Where did he even come from? Wasn’t he with Hyorin in the first place?

You soon reach your apartment building and the two of you get out. Taehyung walks ahead of you, stalking into the building, simply expecting you to follow him. You glare at his back in anger, stomping after him and with each step to your shared flat, your anger rises. Soon, you’re stood in front of your flat door, glaring daggers into Taehyung’s back as you seethe. If looks could kill, he’d be dead thrice over. He unlocks the door and opens it with a slam, beckoning you in with a look. You stomp inside throwing your purse onto the table before turning around and pointing at him.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing Kim Taehyung?” You seethe, your voice barely above a whisper. The shots are taking more effect and you’re feeling bold enough to fight with him.

“Saving you. What the fuck were you doing there? I went out with some friends, I didn’t expect you to be there. Why were you dancing with Yugyeom? Do you not know he’s a fuckboy?” Taehyung asks and you scoff.

“Yes I did! I was tryingto fuck him! What is it to you?” You shriek and Taehyung sneers at you.

“That’s not who you are. You don’t just fuck around” Taehyung jeers and you have the irresistible urge to throttle him.

“That’s fucking rich coming from you. You used to do it all the fucking time. Suddenly, I’m not allowed to sleep around?” You throw back and Taehyung reels, his eyes turning into slits.

“Don’t you dare. It was different with me. You don’t get to sleep around” Taehyung says and your eyes widen, body shaking with rage.

“Excuse me? Who the fuck do you think you are? You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do. If I want to sleep with the next fifty guys I see, I damn well will. Who the fuck are you to tell me no?” You scream and Taehyung slams his fist on a table.

“I’m your best fucking friend! I can’t stand seeing you with others. Especially when they don’t fucking deserve you” Taehyung shouts and you sneer.

“Abest friend. Justa best friend Kim Taehyung. So news flash, that means you don’t get to decide who is good for me or not. I decide that. You being my best friend doesn’t mean you get to tell me who I fuck. And you can’t keep boys away from me forever. If I want to fuck Yugyeom I will. Hell, Jimin knows him. I could still ask him for Yugyeom’s number” You say with a mocking tone, daring him to challenge you.

“Oh, I don’t fucking think so. Not if I have any say in it” Taehyung says, stalking towards you, his eyes glinting in the low light.

“Well, you don’tfucking have a say in it. Now move out of my way” You say, and Taehyung growls at you.

“I said no. You’re not fucking Yugyeom” Taehyung grits out, teeth clenched.

“WHY THE FUCK NOT?” You scream and Taehyung pushes you up against the wall, his breathing heavy as he glares down at you.

“Because you’re fucking mine” Taehyung growls and you freeze in shock but you don’t have enough time to process his words because the next moments, his lips are locked against yours. Taehyung’s hands pinned yours against the wall his other hand wandering all over your body as he kissed you fervently. You moan in response, breaking out of his grasp as his other hand moves to hold your cheek, your own hands tangling into Taehyung’s hair and tugging on it, pulling him closer towards you.

This was wrong. You knew this was wrong, but Jimin’s previous words about Taehyung being in love with you and his possessiveness had given you a small inkling of hope; and with every kiss and soft moan, that small inkling was building into a raging fire. He tasted of soju and coffee, the taste almost intoxicating. You know that alcohol was most likely clouding both your judgement, and that Taehyung was very much in a relationship. But with every passing moment locked in his embrace, those doubts and warnings disappeared, leaving you with nothing but a racing heart and a stomach full of heat. You pressed your body against Taehyung’s, pressed your lips harder against his as you poured out all your feelings into the kiss.

Taehyung let out a soft growl before reaching behind your back and unzipping your dress. He let it fall to the ground, the dress pooling around your feet, leaving you in your semi-soaked panties and no bra. You attempted to kick off your heels but Taehyung growled his disagreement and you let out a small giggle. You jumped up slightly, Taehyung easily catching you as you wrapped your legs around his waist, grinding your cloth-covered core against his own hardened cock. Taehyung let out a soft whine before he carried you towards your bedroom; your lips quickly breaking apart as he trailed kisses down your neck.

He tossed you onto the bed, before kneeling beside you. He stared down at you with intense dark eyes, eyes flitting over your body. You were flushed underneath him, your chest heaving as you breathed heavily, attempting to get your breathing under check. His eyes traced your body, from your collarbones, across your chest, groaning when your nipples hardened under his stare, forming twin peaks. He continued his perusal off your body, down your stomach and towards your hips and thighs. Your knees are slightly spread, giving him a hint of the arousal-soaked panties clinging to your core and leaving nothing to imagination. Taehyung licked his lips before he descended back down, picking your leg up.

He placed a small kiss on your ankle before trailing his lips up your leg, placing another kiss on your knee then your inner thigh. His lips trailed across your hips, his tongue tracing the bone before he kissed his way up to your belly button, circling and dipping hi wet appendage into it, causing you to arch your back and moan, begging him to stop teasing you. With every one of his ministrations, your heart ached. You briefly wondered if he fucked Hyorin like this, if we paid this much attention to her. You slightly shook your head, trying to push those damning thoughts out of your mind as you focused on Taehyung’s attention on your body.

Taehyung smirked against your skin. He continued up your body nuzzling the valley of your breasts and placing a tender kiss on your sternum. Continuing his worship of you, he brushed his lips against your collarbones, sucking on them slightly before running his nose up the length of your neck, placing soft kisses along your throat. Finally, he reached your lips, bending down and capturing your mouth once again with his. You gasped as one of his hands brushed up from your leg to grip your hip tightly. Taehyung used your gasp to his advantage, forcing his tongue into your mouth and massaging your own tongue with his. You moaned at the taste that was wholly him, pushing your lip even harder against his, trying to meld both of you into one being.

"Gods ____, you're so beautiful, " Taehyung whispered against your ear, biting the shell and tugging it slightly. Your heart plummets in your chest because it’s been sovery long since you’ve heard those words come out of his mouth and his tone is filled with so much emotion. Instead of responding you shake your head and pull him against you once more. If this was the only time, if this was your only chance with him, you didn’t want to waste it with meaningless words that would disappear when the sun rose and he returned to her.

“Stop talking Taehyung and just fuck me” You whisper, your tone pleading and filled with desperation as you stare into his lust filled eyes. Taehyung lets out a lazy boxy smile and you ignore the small lurch in your heart as he regards you with pure love. Once again, you wonder how many times Hyorin has seen this exact sight.

“Gladly Iris” Taehyung responds and you take in a shuddering breath, hoping it passes off for lust and not for the heartache you were really feeling. He bent his head forward and struck out his tongue, flicking your hardened nipple. You shuddered against his lips, this time with lust, causing him to smile before he pulled the nipple into his mouth, rolling it between his teeth while sucking on it. His hand moved from your hip to your other breast, kneading the mound in his hands before pinching and pulling your nipple, you moaned at the slight pain and Taehyung let out a wicked grin against your breast before once again tugging harshly again on the sensitive nipple. His lips moaned against your other breast and you felt the vibrations rush through your nerves and straight to your core, making your wetter. You brought your hands up to his head, your nails scratching his scalp as you hissed at him in pleasure. Taehyung let go off your nipple with a pop before attaching onto the next one and resuming his actions.

"Taehyung please, more. I need more. I need your mouth on me" You groaned, arching your back.

“You’re such a sin, a beautiful sin that belongs to no one else but me” Taehyung whispers before kissing down your stomach. You spread your legs wider, causing him to grin as he took in the sight of the darkened material clinging to your slit. The smell of your arousal was so strong he was almost lost himself further into the intoxication of alcohol and your scent, the combination driving him crazy with need. His member leaked against his boxers, his trousers becoming entirely too tight.

He leaned forward, licking your covered slit, making you whimper in pleasure. Taehyung smirked before repeating himself over and over again, teasing you endlessly, until you were thrashing around, grinding your core against his face, lashing, gyrating, doing anything that would stop his hellish teasing and cause more friction. Taehyung finally relented sucking your panty covered clit into his mouth, you let out a strangled scream as your bundle of nerves were finally stimulated. You screamed his name as Taehyung repeatedly sucked and lashed at your clit with his tongue until you finally came. You let out another incoherent scream as your hips lifted of the bed. Taehyung attached himself to your clit again sucking and drawing out your orgasm as he watched your eyes roll back. Taehyung sat up as you came down from your high, grinning down at you wickedly.

“Did I just make you cum from having your panties licked?” Taehyung teased and you let out a small whine when he pressed his thumb against your covered slit, rubbing up and down and spreading your wetness even more. You were almost positive you could never wear these again, they were wellpassed ruin.

"Great, now my panties are completely soaked" You pouted and Taehyung let out a small giggle, kisses the corner of your mouth as he tried to push your pout away. Once again, your heart cinches and you almost turn away, trying to blink away the tears. He far too attentive, too soft and too loving. Every action is filled with love and adoration and it both drives you wild and making you want to break down into a fit of sobs, because you know that as soon as daylight strikes, he’ll be far gone from you.

"Just how I like them," He replied with a wicked grin, drawing you back from your impending breakdown. You push away the thoughts once again and your eyes darkened with lust as you watched him slowly strip above you. Long, dextrous fingers move smoothly as he unbuttons and divests himself off his shirt, leaving nothing but a smooth expanse of tanned skin. Your eyes trail over his wide shoulders, before tracing down his body, dark nipples hard in the cold of his room and soft belly with small rolls making your heart hurt. You always loved Taehyung’s soft belly, so completely different from most guys with hard abs. So completely him.

You need to stop these treacherous thoughts. You can’t fall more in love with him and you need to somehow distract yourself. So, you use what little strength you have and flip him over. Taehyung lets out a choked yelp of surprise and quickly moves to push you until you begin trailing down his body. You press small kisses against the waistband of his trousers. You slowly unbutton them before pulling them down his legs, along with his boxers. His cock spring up and you jerk backwards, eyes wide at the sheer size of it.

It's beautiful. Long and so very thick, something you definitely were not expecting. His cock is smooth and tan, perfectly veined and his purple cockhead is angry and weeping with precum. He leaks down his own tip and cock and your mouth waters at the sheer sight of it all. You smiled at the large member, licking your lips as you imagined the way it would fill your mouth and the way it’ll no doubt stretch your pussy later. You kissed the base before kissing up the length until you reached the tip, licking the leaking head and almost moaning at the salted, tangy taste of him on your lips. You’re addicted. You know you are.

You grabbed the middle of his shaft gently and rubbed the tip along your lips, almost as if applying lipstick. Taehyung groans as you pleasured his frenulum before letting out a shark breath of air as you sucked on the tip, the tongue flicking against the tip over and over again. You slowly took the head in until the cockhead was completely in your mouth and then you began sucking. Hard. Taehyung gasped out, his fingers twisting into your long hair and trying to push your further down. However, you held still, sucking on the tip as you swirled your tongue around the tip causing Taehyung to buck his hips.

"Fuck, ____" Taehyung hissed, and you smiled at the begging, pleading tone that occupies his voice. You decide to have some sort of mercy on him and begin taking the rest of his thick, long cock in your mouth. Your jaw aches and you’ve barely taken any of his cock and he’s already hitting the back of your throat, but you refuse to give up. Inch by inch, you continue swallowing him down your throat and when he hits your gag reflex to choke slightly and hold still. Tears pull in your eyes but you calm down, breath as much as you can through your nose before you swallow. Taehyung let’s out a choked groan, bucking slightly into you as slowly swallow him whole. You internally cheer victoriously when your nose hits against the wiry dark hair around his crotch, trimmed neatly.

"God yes, take that cock in," Taehyung moaned, holding your head as you gagged on his engorged dick. You started bobbing up and down, Taehyung helping as he thrust up and into your mouth, you smiled against his dick before moving one hand down to his balls, raking your long fingers along the tender flesh.

"Shit yes" Taehyung murmured in pleasure. While sucking on his dick, you ran your hot tongue along the base of his dick, right in the middle causing Taehyung to shudder and hiss once again as your teeth raked against the base all the way to his tip. Taehyung was elated from the feeling of your hot, warm and silky mouth around his dick. He felt the coil in his abdomen winding tighter and tighter as his orgasm approached.

"I'm coming baby, that's it. Yes! Make me cum" Taehyung groaned, bucking his hips erratically and fucking your mouth while you continued bobbing your head up and down, gagging every now and then. You felt his dick swell and let his cock go with a pop before sucking one of his balls into your mouth, Taehyung yelling in pleasure as your fist pumped his dick up and down.

"Cumming. Fuck I'm cumming. Fuck, sweetheart swallow my cum" Taehyung orders and you quickly released his balls from your mouth to wrap around the tip of his dick, taking it all in once again as his cum rushed out of his dick and down your throat. You moaned at the slightly salty taste of his cum, drinking it down as he continued to spill it into your throat while you continued lightly massaging his balls. Several pumps later, Taehyung was finally done and you came of his dick, licking your lips and grinning up at him. Taehyung stared at you through lidded eyes before beckoning you up.

"F-face. Sit on my face" Taehyung gasped out as he came down from his orgasm induced high. You quickly shimmied out of your underwear before crawling over him, not needing to be told twice. You swung one of your knees over his head being careful not to accidentally hit him until your legs were spread over his face, Taehyung stared at your folds, licking his lips at the completely soaked lips and your quivering pussy, almost dripping on his face.

"God are you always this wet? You tasted so sweet before, I wonder whether you taste better straight from that sweet, sweet cunt" Taehyung whispered against your pussy before tugging your slit into his mouth.

"Only for you Taehyung. Always for you" You confessed into the night, your voice low, before you bent backwards, placing one of your hands on his chest, the other moving up to play with your breasts. You didn’t think you were loud enough for him to hear you. But he does.

"You're damn right. No one else will ever see you like this. You're mine" Taehyung growled possessively against your slit, and you close your eyes, glad that he can’t see the pain etched onto your face. You stare up at the ceiling, blinking out the tears of despair, something you shouldn’t be doing when Taehyung is buried face deep between your legs. But you can’t control it. You swallow thickly and bite your lips.

“Just make me cum” You choke out, you want to walk away. But Taehyung is like a drug and instead you find yourself falling deeper and deeper into him. The small part of you wonders and hopes, that maybe after all this is done, maybe he may stay. Maybe Jimin was right and Taehyung really loved you, and was too blind to see it. Maybe you could show him, you were the one for him.

“Don’t worry Iris, you’ll be coming so many times you’ll be begging me to stop by the end of the night” Taehyung promises ominously from under your folds, swatting your ass as he did so.

He pointed his tongue and licked it up and down your slit, parting your folds slightly. You ground your hips, trying to get him to enter your as you rolled your nipples between your fingers. Taehyung moved his hands to hold your hips still as he continued teasing you. He pulled your folds into his mouth, teeth raking over the sensitive flesh causing you to shriek in pleasure and increase your efforts in moving your hips. Taehyung nuzzled your clit with his nose before parting your lips slightly and harshly licking a line from your core to your clit before sucking on the bundle of nerves. You were dripping all over his face, your pussy quivering as your best friend worked his sinful magic with his tongue. He lapped at your clit over and over again causing before nibbling slowly on the bundle and you let out a small shriek as you begin cumming all over his tongue.

"Taehyung!" You screamed, Taehyung let go of your hips causing you to buck wildly into his mouth.

As you were coming down from your orgasm, he moved his hands and used his thumbs to spread your lips and stuck his tongue into your core, swirling his tongue before thrusting it in and out, tasting your sweet nectar as the thick juices coated his tongue. You tasted so sweet, almost like the forbidden nectar of the gods. He groaned against you, your pussy clamping around his tongue from your orgasm. Taehyung moved one of his hands to your clit, pinching and pulling on it as he tried to get your to cum again. You screamed as he tugged harshly on your little pearl, falling forward and gripping tightly onto the headboard.

“Stop, oh gods Taehyung please stop” You beg, but Taehyung just thrusts two fingers into you. You wince slightly at the stretch but begin losing yourself into your third, almost painful orgasm from your still sensitive quivering lips as Taehyung thrusts his fingers in wildly, angling them to hit your g-spot with each thrust.

“Beg” Taehyung demands and you fall forward, gripping onto the bed frame as you shake violently over him, thighs quaking on either side of his head. Your eyes roll back into your skull and you try to move away, but one of Taehyung’s hand grips you ass tightly, holding you near him.

“I said beg” Taehyung once against demands, lips vibrating and causing you to shriek in pleasure once again. He pinches your clit with his thumb and forefinger and its more than you can take.

“FUCK! Taehyung! Taehyung make me cum, please. Please I can’t. I need you to make me cum” You sob and Taehyung smirks against your folds at your words.

Taehyung moved his lips to your clit, thrusting his two fingers into your core with newfound energy, twisting and pumping them in. He felt the spongy tissue of your g-spot and grinned before biting down lightly on your clit as he rubbed your g-spot. You stilled above him, your knuckles white as you clenched the headboard. Then with a loud, incoherent scream you gushed all over his tongue, the pain of him biting your clit, the over sensitisation of your sex and pleasure of his fingers against your g-spot making your squirt all over his mouth. Taehyung groaned, moving his mouth over your lips and sucking them as you flooded his mouth. You breathed heavily before falling down and rolling off of him, being careful not to suffocate him with your dripping slit. Although Taehyung couldn't think of a better way to die. You hit your head on the pillow, chest heaving, breasts jiggling slightly as the waves of pleasure continued to rush through your body. Your body convulsed and you shut your thighs as tears dripped down your cheeks.

"We're not done yet baby" Taehyung said softly, brushing the matted hair out of your eyes, taking in the sight of you glistening from sweat and still in the aftershocks of your orgasm. His hands wandered up your knees and spread them before he crawled in between.

"I love you, so much" Taehyung whispers quietly and your heart races and soars at his admission. Hope once against ignites in your chest, especially when he kissed your forehead before slowly entering you. He rubs his cockhead against your entrance and slowly begins pushing in. You let out a small whimper when his sheer girth begins stretching you out. You wince, but lay still, letting him slowly fuck you open with his massive cock. When he’s finally buried deep inside you, you almost feel sick, he’s so deep he’s buried in your guts but you would have it no other way. You feel more connected to him than you ever have and you know after this, you’re completely ruined for anyone else. Taehyung moans in pleasure as your velvety walls wrapped around him.

"I love you too Taehyung. Always. It’s always been you" You confessed back, a tear slipping down your cheek as you wrap your arms around his neck. Taehyung buried his face into the crook between your throat and collarbones, breathing in your scent, eyes rolling back as your pussy clamped around him and then he begins thrusting. He slowly pulls out, whining when he feels your walls grip around each and every inch before thrusting all the way back in.

"Harder Taehyung, give it to me" You begged, Taehyung smirking as he began to thrust harder and faster. You screamed his name as he moved his arms so they were on either side of your head, bracing all his weight on them. He moved his head so that it was on top of yours, watching as you looked up at him, through half lidded eyes, your face contorted in pleasure as he thrust his cock into your, his pelvic bone brushing against your clit with every thrust.

"I'm going to cum again Taehyung" You whispered hoarsely, throat dry and strained from all your screaming. Taehyung lifted one of your legs and placed it on his shoulder, allowing him to go deeper into you. You hissed in pain; you didn’t think it was possible for him to go any deeper and yet there he was. Your legs were spread wide and he was thrusting so hard and deep that there were hints of pain entangled with the pleasure but you could do nothing except just lay and take it.

"Cum around my cock baby" Taehyung urged, speeding up his thrusts before angling them so he hit your g-spot with every plunge of his cock.

"Fuck" You hissed, arching your back as you came. Taehyung latched onto your breast, sucking and teasing your nipple as you milked his cock. Taehyung flipped you over so you were on top of him, dick still buried deep in your pussy. He placed his hands behind his head, watching your breasts sway as you breathed, completely entranced by the way them moved with every breath.

"Ride me babe" Taehyung urged, you moving your hips slowly, grinding lazily against his dick as you lacked enough energy to do anything else. After a few minutes of the slow pace Taehyung grew impatient and moved his hands to your hips. He lifted you up before pulling your down as he thrust up, plunging his dick as deep as he could. You let out a small yelp as he continued his harsh thrusting. You could feel your orgasm approaching fast, your sensitive walls rubbing against Taehyung' dick, the friction almost too much. The sound of sweaty skin slapping filled the bedroom along with your soft whines and Taehyung’s deep, raspy breaths.

"Are you cumming again baby?" Taehyung questioned as your face twisted, your eyelids closing completely as you threw your head back in pleasure. You fell down, your palms on the bed on either side of his head as you struggled to stay up.

"Yes! I'm cumming again" You moaned, Taehyung smiling as he moved one hand to play with your clit roughly before lifting his neck and suckling on the breast that was dangling in front of his face. His other hand manipulated your hips so that you continued moving. You convulsed on top of him again, your voice cracking as you groaned out his name. Taehyung, however wasn’t finished yet. You hoped to the gods above that he was close because you were running out of fumes at this point. No wonder he had a reputation, his stamina was almost unmatched. Taehyung turned you over so you were on your knees. Even he could tell you were nearing your end, both from your heavy breathing and the way your head was resting against the pillow, your ass sticking up into the air. Taehyung grabbed your hips and entered again, you letting out a soft moan, both in pain and pleasure as your swollen pussy gripped and rippled against him uncontrollably.

"Taehyung… last one?" You gasped out, letting him know that you couldn't go on after this.

"Yeah baby, don't worry this is the last I promise" Taehyung said as he began to thrust into you quickly. You weren’t expecting it and with how wet both you and he were, he slid in so easily that he immediately hit the back of your cervix. You let out a small scream as he began a brutal, punishing pace.

Taehyung reached down and grabbed your hair, pulling your head up causing your back to arch downwards as he continued to thrust into you. He watched your fleshy ass bounce and shake as he thrust into you. He moved his other hand across your back before smacking your ass. You screamed out his name, your walls clamping around his cock causing him to groan at the feeling. Taehyung smirked before he spanked your again. He increased the speed of his thrusts, spanking your ass until it was deep red, you bucking your hips in both pain and pleasure. Taehyung kept his grip on your hair, pulling it as he continued to spank you. He felt his orgasm approaching and knew he wouldn't last long. He let go of your hair before bending over you, the speed of his thrusts decreasing, instead plunging into you with long powerful strokes. He moved his hand to between your thighs, rubbing your clit. You let out a shriek as he thrust in particularly deep. One of his hands moved to rub against your stomach and he groaned low into your ear.

“I’m going to cum soon baby. I’m going to cum and fill this belly with all my cum and you’re going to take it aren’t you? Like my good little cum dump, you’re going to let me breed you. Aren’t you baby?” Taehyung asked, his huge hands splayed across your lower belly as his thumb continued brushing against your clit. His words caused your cunt to grip around him once again as you imagined the feeling of him shooting his cum so deep within you.

“Yes, god yes Taehyung fill me up. I want nothing more” You plead and Taehyung chuckles against your ear.

“Whatever you want sweetheart. I’m going to fill you up so good and watch that pretty little pussy drip with my cum” Taehyung promises before he resumes his brutal pace, pinching and rubbing your clit in hard circles. You stilled once again before you arched off the bed, your whole-body shuddering as you squirted once again, all over Taehyung' dick. Taehyung felt your gush around him and couldn't help himself, the speed and power of his thrusts increased, going as fast as he can while you continued to gush.

"Please! Taehyung please cum in me! I can't take it anymore! Please cum in me! Please just cum" You sob, your voice strained and raspy as you plead. Taehyung presses his chest against hard against your back and thrusts in deep, hitting your cervix once again before cumming in you. His palms grip your hips harshly as he pulls you to him, trying to get in as deep as he can go. He lets out a strained roar as he begins filling you up. His cock spurts out his seed, coating your walls in his cum and filling you up completely. He stays in you for the duration of his orgasm, his dick pulsing and twitching as he rides of the aftershocks of his orgasm. When he’s finally finished, Taehyung pulls out his flaccid dick before falling onto the bed, completely spent. You moaned at the feeling of Taehyung' cum dripping out of your before you rolled onto your side, pressed up against his sweaty body.

A small part of you wants to speak about what just happened, but you’re far too exhausted to care at this point so instead, you give into your heavy lids and allow sleep to take you. Taehyung is right next to you as you fall asleep, completely spent and equally passed out. However, your last thought before succumbing to exhaustion is how much you’re dreading what will happen when the sun cums up and the alcohol is out both your systems.

“Oh fuck. Oh, fucking fuck” You hear a voice and you’re immediately roused from sleep. You groan and open your eyes, hissing slightly at the bright light. You sit up and immediately regret your decision as every single one of your muscles protests the movement. You feel stickiness between your legs along with the ache and soreness and immediately you’re wide awake. Last night’s memories come crashing down and you snap your head to the panicking boy, who’s staring at you with horror and regret.

“What the fuck happened last night?” Taehyung rages and you wince at his loud voice. You knewthe alcohol had clouded your judgement and now you were paying the consequences. Of course, it wasn’t all your fault. Taehyung had equally, if not, more of the blame considering he started it from what you recalled. But you were still hoping for something, anythingespecially after his confession last night.

“Well we obviously fucked. Do you not remember?” You ask and Taehyung growls and your heartbeat increases as you remember how he growled at you last night.

“Obviously I fucking remember. God, ____ this is such a mess, what am I going to do?” Taehyung asks and you wonder what he means.

“What do you mean?” You ask stupidly and Taehyung send you a ‘are you serious’ look.

“About Hyorin, ____? What am I supposed to do about Hyorin?” Taehyung asks and you wince.

“Well, you’re going to tell her and break up with her, aren’t you?” You ask and Taehyung scoffs, looking at you as if you had two heads.

“Why would I break up with her? I love her! She can’t know this happened. You can’t tell her. This has to stay between us” Taehyung pleads and you stiffen. Your blood runs cold and you can do nothing but look at him in a completely new light. What did he mean he loved her? Didn’t he confess his love for you yesterday? Was it all just a lie? You can feel the tears well up in your eyes as your heartbreaks for the countless time, all because of Taehyung.

“You… Taehyung how am I supposed to keep this between us? You cheated on your girlfriend. With me. How am I supposed to act as if nothing has changed?” You ask and Taehyung sighs.

“___, it was just sex. Meaningless sex. I love Hyorin. She’s the one I want to marry” Taehyung says and your heart immediately plummets in your chest and suddenly it feels like your chest is caving in and it hurts.Your heart hurtsso much that it’s hard to breathe.

“Mean- Meaningless sex? Taehyung, you told me you loved me” You reply with a broken, almost emotionless voice as your brain tries to comprehend his words.

“I didn’t mean it. At least not in that sense. ____, I’m sorry but last night was a mistake. We were both drinking and we didn’t make the right decisions. I don’t love you. Last night meant nothing” Taehyung says and your worst fears are confirmed.

“But Taehyung, it meant something to me.I love you. I wasn’t lying when I told you I loved you. I loveyou” You heartbrokenly confess and Taehyung lets out a deep sigh.

“I know” Taehyung whispers and your head snaps to him, staring at him with bewilderment and fear.

“What? What did you say? You knew? How did you know?” You ask, your voice louder than before. This could not be happening. Within the space of a few words your life was slowly falling apart.

“I knew. At least, I had an idea. Hyorin told me. I didn’t believe her at first but she was convinced and worried about how I would leave her for you. It’s why we haven’t been spending as much time together. I didn’t want to lead you on and… I love Hyorin” Taehyung confesses and despite how much you want to break down and cry, you grit your teeth.

“Excuse me? Did you… did you just admit that you chose Hyorin over me? Because she was fucking worried about me taking you away from her? And you agreed? I was your best fucking friend Taehyung. Despite how long I have loved you, I have never once stood in the way of your happiness and I would never, neverjeopardise your relationship. How could you? I thought you knew me better than that” You seethe, your voice full of dismay and disbelief.

“Yes, well last night definitely jeopardised my relationship, don’t you think” Taehyung sneers and you find yourself reeling.

“Don’t. Don’t fucking put this all on me. I wasn’t even looking to sleep with you yesterday. You, you fucking did this. I was happily going to go home with Yugyeom until you pulled me away. You have just as much blame in this as me” You fume, pointing an accusatory finger at him.

“Fuck. Okay listen, last night never fucking happened. I’m sorry. I know you love me, but I don’t… I can’tlove you like that. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry and I hope somehow, we can recover from this. But last night was a mistake. I love Hyorin, I’m so fucking in love with her. Last night may have given you hope, but I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean any of my words and I’m so sorry but I regret it all. I don’t want to hurt you, but… I could never love you the way I love her” Taehyung confesses and the last word ring loudly in your head over and over again.

‘I could never love you the way I love her’.

Ten words. Ten whole words strung together with so much meaning. You could never comprehend how much words could rip your life apart. That was until today. Suddenly, you felt completely numb and the ache in your heart simply grows larger and stronger until it is all you can feel. Taehyung is still rambling, but you hear none of it. Instead, all you can hear are those ten words ringing deep in your mind. You need to leave. You need to somehow get out of here or make him leave. You need something, you need space. But most importantly you need him gone.

“Get out” You whisper and Taehyung stops mid rant, looking at you in panic and wide eyed. He notices the blank expression on your face and immediately walks towards you, trying to comfort you. But when his touch once used to soothe the demons in your soul, his touch now simply burns and you can’t help but cowering away. Taehyung’s jerks his hand back, looking at you in fear. You had never once shrunk away from him but here you were, staring at him with an expressionless face and cowering from him and suddenly, he felt as if he were the worst person on this planet. He never wanted to hurt you.

“Iris, I’m sorry” Taehyung begins, but you cut him off with a scoff, blinking away the hot tears.

“Don’t. Don’t call me that. I’m not your Iris, I’m not your anything. Please just leave” You say and your words burn into Taehyung’s being. His eyes are wide and suddenly he wants to cry beside you.

“No, please. Don’t say that. Don’t fucking say that. You’re my Iris, my best friend. ____ please, please don’t run away from me” Taehyung pleads, he wants to reach out and touch you but he knows it’s the last thing you want. You notice your state of undress and suddenly you feel sick and dirty and all you want to do is shower and remove the scent and feel of him off of your skin. You pick up your sheets and cling them tightly to you, as if they are your last line of defence.

“No. No I’m not. Not anymore. I can’t be your best friend anymore, I can’t be your Iris. I don’t think you understand Taehyung. I have been in love with you for six years now. You have owned every inch of my heart for six years and I’m tired. I’m emotionally exhausted and completely drained. I’m tired of you breaking my heart. I thought… I thought I could deal with it, but after yesterday after your words today, I can’t. I love you, but I love myself more. And I need you gone, out of my room and out of my life. Please” You plead and Taehyung feels a sharp pain in his chest at the completely exhaustion and defeat in your voice and the way tears simply fall from your eyes. But you don’t notice them, instead you’re simply staring blankly at him. Except you’re not looking at him, but through him. It’s as if you can’t see him, that he’s completely removed from your life.

“I… I’ll go. But I’m not leaving your life. I’ll leave your room but please. You’re my best friend, I need you. Please don’t leave me” Taehyung pleads but you don’t respond. You’re too tired to respond, so you choose to not say anything. You vaguely register him gathering his clothes before walking towards your bedroom door.

“I need to go see Hyorin… but this conversation isn’t over. I don’t want to lose you” Taehyung says, conviction in his voice and then he leaves. He disappears through the door and it may not seem like it for him, but for you, that’s your final goodbye. By the time you respond, he’s long gone and far from ear shot and your words fall on deaf ears in the silence of your bedroom.

“You’ve already lost me”

In a way, you think you’re lucky that whatever happened, happened at the time it did. You had slept with Taehyung a few days before your university broke up for the holidays. But considering it had happened during the second term, it also meant that you were officially done with classes and all that was left was for you to sit your exams and then graduate. Which consequently meant, that if you played it right, you’d never have to see Taehyung ever again. The decision was hard to make. But as you sat in the quiet of your room, the day Taehyung had walked out after your one-night stand; you decided that you were too tired, too drained to continue loving him. Especially when it was unrequited.

So, you used your newfound heartache and directed it to something productive. You pushed Taehyung and your feelings as far out of your mind as you could and instead you directed all your energy into revising for your finals. You barely spent any time in your apartment, instead choosing to practically live in the library. The only time you were home was to shower and catch some quick sleep but then you were gone. Before anyone noticed you were home. Before Taehyung could find you. You spent the past few months doing nothing but revising and studied and it had all paid off. You had just finished your final exam and it was like a huge weight had been lifted off of your shoulders.

But now that you were done with your exams, you had nothing else to focus on. You had nothing else to run to in order to distract you from your woeful unrequited love. But that didn’t mean you couldn’t run away. You thanked your lucky star that Taehyung’s art and photography exam was about to start, just as you finished, which meant that the house was most likely empty unless Jimin was home. Subsequently, that also meant you had a couple of hours to pack up all your things and move out before anyone could stop you. Sure, you’d have to be back in a few months for the graduation ceremony and then once again to complete your Masters, but for now it was enough time to begin getting over Taehyung. To put even more distance between the two of you. A vacation was exactly what you needed.

You quickly rushed back to your apartment, letting out a breath of relief when you found the home empty. You quickly gathered some boxes and your suitcases, packing everything as quick as you could. Mainly the essentials; you figured you could get the rest of it some other time. Or even have Jimin send them to you. A couple hours later you had packed everything you’d need for a long vacation away and the rest of the stuff were in boxes for you to collect when you were ready. Your flight was booked, even if it had decimated the entirety of your bank account but you figured you could find a job at Jeju Island to get you by. Plus, you had some savings that you could make use of for a few weeks. You grabbed your suitcase and opened your bedroom door but only came face to chest with someone. You steeled yourself and looked up before letting out a shriek of relief.

“Fucking hell! Park Jimin, don’t you ever scare me like that again!” You scream, smacking him in the middle of the chest. Jimin however doesn’t move, instead he’s looking at you with a sad smile.

“You were really going to leave without saying goodbye?” He asks quietly and you feel the pang of guilt in your chest. Jimin was a good man. And an even better friend. He had tried to help you and while you may have not been as close to him as you had been with Taehyung; he was still a friend you cherished. And you’d miss him. You knew you would.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t take any chances” You say apologetically and Jimin nods before entering. He looks around at the empty room littered with boxes before sitting down on your completely stripped bed.

“I never realised how big and empty this room could be. It looks… dead without all your stuff” Jimin says quietly and you bite your lip, unsure what to say. You need to get out as soon as possible or risk Taehyung coming back and catching you. You assume Jimin notices your shiftiness and restlessness because he lets out a small, humourless chuckle.

“He’s not going to be back for a while don’t worry. He’s out with Hyorin” Jimin says and he spits her name with so much venom that even youwince.

“Jimin… I’m sorry” You whisper and Jimin shakes his head, his shoulders shaking with rage before he explodes.

“No! You’re not the one at fault! It’s Taehyung and that stupid bitch who’s turning him against all his friends. She’s manipulative. So, fucking manipulative and he doesn’t even see it. You know she stopped him from seeing me? I’m a bad influence apparently, just because I bring home a lot of women. It’s not as if he sleeps with them. God, I hate her and now you’re leaving because of her and him and I hate them even more” Jimin fumes and you put your bag down and approach him, hugging him tightly.

“Don’t say that. He’s your best friend and he’s going to need you. I need you to look out for him Jimin. Please, for me” You ask and Jimin shakes his head, fists clenched at his sides.

“No! I don’t want to! He’s pushed you away and he’s going to regret it so fucking much. I know you slept together and I know exactly what happened the next day. I heard it all. These walls are so fucking thin and I fucking heard how he confessed his love and I was so fucking happy. But then I heard what that idiotsaid the next day and how he said it and I know… I fucking knowhow much he broke your heart and he’s a fucking coward. He loves you. I fucking know he does but he’s so far up her ass he can’t even see it. But he’s going to fucking regret it. I know he is. Right now, he thinks he can still make it up with you despite it being three fucking months but he can’t. And now you’re leaving and he’s going to see just how much he fucked up and I’m glad. He’s such a fucking coward and I don’t fucking know who he is anymore.” Jimin seethes, mouth practically foaming in rage and you have no words to calm him down.

“I know. I know this all Jimin but I’m leaving and no matter what he’s done he’s still our best friend and he needs us. He needs youbecause I can’t be here for him anymore. I can’t do it without losing my sanity. But despite it all, I still fucking love him and it hurts. It hurts so much and I need to go away but I can’t if I know he’s alone. So please, Park Jimin, promise me you’ll look after him even if it’s from afar. I know him and I know he’ll try and run after me and he’ll look for me and feel so guilty he won’t be able to sleep or eat, but I needyou to look after him. Make sure he eats, make sure he sleeps, make sure he doesn’t break down. I need you to do that for me, please” You beg, your tone laced with desperation and Jimin sighs before pulling you in for a hug.

“You are a beautiful human being and if there was one thing Taehyung got right, it was that no one deserves you. Not even him. But fine, for you, I’ll look after him. Just make sure you keep in touch? If not with him, with me. It doesn’t have to be often. Just every now and then drop me a text that lets me know you’re alright. Please” Jimin pleads and you nod against his chest, hugging him tighter to you.

“I promise. I have to go now, I’ve got a flight to catch. Take care of Taehyung and please take care of yourself” You say and Jimin nods from above your head.

“Take care of yourself too. And find someone else. Find someone better and fall in love again and make sure they love you back. You deserve that and so much more. So please, just find someone. Don’t close yourself to love” Jimin advises and you take his words to heart, silently promising yourself to move on and find someone worth your time. Someone who won’t break your heart.

“I promise. Now I really have to go or I’m going to miss my flight. Goodbye Jimin” You call out, waving bye before leaving. Jimin watches you walk out of the apartment once and for all and he can’t help but feel as if he’s lost a part of home. Even if you weren’t super close, he knew he’d miss coming home to you doing yoga, or returning to you watching the most random TV series on Netflix. Despite everything, you were still a piece of his home and now that you were gone, the house felt emptier than it should have.

You had once assumed you’d always be in love with Taehyung. But the longer you spend in Jeju, away from him and with his callous words still ringing in your mind, the easier you find it to slowly move on. Taehyung’s words hurt, but the more nights you spend awake at three am thinking about them, the more you realise it would probably never work. The more you realise all he did was take you for granted. You didn’t care that Taehyung didn’t love you back, at least not anymore. What bothered you so much was how he handled everything, the way he threw his words heartlessly, without any thought you how you felt. The more you thought back to your relationship, the more you realised that was often the case. Taehyung was one to speak first and think and apologise later. Of course, he had never meant it to be malicious and he couldn’t intentionally hurt a fly. But that didn’t mean it was excusable, especially when his words and tone were cruel enough to completely dismiss your feelings.

You sigh in fatigue before checking your phone; 1:18am it read and you curse Taehyung for another sleepless night. You were practically nocturnal at this point, staying up all night surrounded by thoughts of the entire Taehyung dilemma. You rubbed your face and got out of bed, deciding to take a walk down the beach pier. Not that anyone really used it so late at night bar a few stragglers. You quickly get dressed before leaving the safety of your Airbnb. You made your way down towards the beach, the walk almost second nature to you. You had found a job working at the pier; considering it was summer it meant that the place was packed with tourists and businesses were more than happy for the extra help.

You walk along the pier, looking at the various arcades, all shut and completely dark. It’s completely different to the usual scene you’re met when you work nights, with bright prismatic lights illuminating the pier from the various attractions. But then again, it’s nearing 4am so why would they be on or even open currently. You’re about to turn back when a very familiar noise draws your attention. It’s the arcade-restaurant you work at and for some reason, the lights of the games are all flashing and on. The sight is particularly peculiar considering the rest of the pier is completely dead and silent. Curiosity wins you over and you decide to investigate.

You enter the arcade and come face to side with a boy who looks roughly the same age as you. He’s giggling to himself as he plays the first-person shooter game, drawing up more points than you’ve ever seen. You assume he’s going for the record and can’t help but think that with his skills, he definitely will break it. He’s got dark chocolate hair that falls into his eyes softly and wide, round almond almost doe like eyes. His ears are pierced multiple times, at least from the angle you see him at and he’s got soft pink, albeit slightly thin lips. His jaw is strong and defined and from the thin t-shirt you can tell his arms are completely muscular and packed with muscle. His chest looks well defined and his thighs even more so, the muscles bulging and rippling in his tight trousers. He giggles, his face scrunching adorably and he’s got the cutest, almost rabbit-esque smile and you wonder if it was possible to be enchanted by teeth.

All in all, he’s completely opposite to Taehyung.

“What are you doing here? Don’t you know this place is closed” He says, looking at you with a slight mischievous look, his game awaiting him to place in some more tokens before he can continue. You raise an eyebrow and shrug.

“Of course, I do. I work in the restaurant in the day time. I was merely curious as to why the lights were on and why the music was playing. So, tell me, don’t youknow this place is closed? So technically, aren’t you breaking and entering?” You question and he laughs once again, the sound rings in your head and your brain goes blank. It’s a wonderful sound, soft and sweet, yet with a lower note to it that has you completely enthralled.

“I don’t think it’s possible for me to break and enter into my own restaurant or arcade. Well technically, my dad owns it. But you catch me drift” He says with a wink and you roll your eyes; you approach him with less caution, watching as he inserts the token and resumes his game.

“Ah, the owner’s son. Why didn’tI guess that? So, you any good?” You ask and he throws you a lopsided grin.

“I’ll have you know, I’m the seventh-year reigning champion. I come down here every summer to just chill out and play games. Every record in the arcade belongs to me. All I have to do is beat myself each year to ensure I remain reigning champion” he boasts and you scoff at his misplaced sense of achievement. Then again, holding a record for seven years is definitely something impressive. Especially a record for every single game. You guess his sense of achievement isn’t so misplaced after all.

“So, what are you doing here? It’s unusual for women to be walking alone so late at night. Not that you shouldn’t. I’m sure you can defend yourself perfect and wait, not that you should haveto defend yourself but you knowsome people are pricks. You know what, I’m just going to shut up” he rambles and suddenly all his bravado is gone and you’re left with an adorably shy guy, his lips slightly pouting and his cheeks flushed.

“Cute” You whisper without meaning to and you quickly clamp your hands over your mouth, but he hears it and all he does is laugh.

“So, you think I’m cute?” He asks and giggling when you shake your head in panic.

“I could say the same about you. I’m Jungkook by the way. Jeon Jungkook” Jungkook introduces and you not to him.

“____. Kim ____. Nice to meet you Jungkook-ssi” You greet back and he sends you a bright smile, eyes crinkling in the corner.

“So, you wanna join? Perks of being the owner’s son is I get all the free, unlimited tokens I want” Jungkook says, wiggling his eyebrows and despite yourself, you let out a small snort.

“Of course, you do and sure why not, I have nothing better to be doing” You accept, taking him up on his offer and Jungkook immediately stops shooting, bringing a quick end to his game. The screen counts down before the dramatic ‘You Died’ screen pops up.

“I hope you feel special, I don’t just selfishly sacrifice myself for just anyone” Jungkook teases and you stick your tongue out at him.

“I didn’t askyou to do that, though did I?” You mock and Jungkook rolls his eyes before he enters some more tokens, this time for both of you.

“Is this how my kindness is repaid? With mockery? Oh, my poor wounded heart” Jungkook jests, a dramatic hand on his heart as he scrunches up his face in mock pain. You once again stick your tongue out at him before gesturing to the game.

“Oh, come on Bun Boy, let’s just play” You joke and Jungkook throws a fake affronted look.

“Bun Boy? Now you’re really going to get it Kim. I refuse to go easy on you” Jungkook threatens and you let out a small laugh.

“Alright, bring it on Jeon” You challenge and soon the two of you begin playing your game.

You spend the entire night laughing and playing various different arcade games before Jungkook offers you a walk on the beach just because. You talk about nothing and yet you talk about everything. Each conversation is completely meaningless and yet that in itself has meaning. You don’t tell him about Taehyung, you don’t tell him anything of true substance and yet by the end, you feel you know Jungkook almost as well as you know Taehyung and you feel he knows you just as well. You don’t think you’ve felt so carefree in years, it’s like all your problems have disappeared for a night. Jungkook is like a breath of fresh air, full of life and jokes and his slightly weirdtendencies have you cracking up, like the way he randomly screeches some inhumane noises, or how he randomly dances or twerks. Not once do you think of Kim Taehyung. There is not a single moment where he even crosses your mind. It’s early into the morning when you find yourself sitting on the beach with him, facing the sunrise.

Jungkook has long since crashed, his body curled up next to you, hair full of sand as he lets out small high-pitched snores. You however, still aren’t able to sleep. But not for any other reason than that for the first time in months, you’ve felt completely alive. It’s as if the one night with Jungkook has completely recharged your battery. You know longer feel restless or emotionally drained. All the small meaningless conversations with Jungkook puts everything into perspective. Everything passes. Everything goes. And you finally realise that Taehyung too will pass. You close your eyes and breathe in deeply, smelling the refreshing salted air. You feel the warmth of the sun and you open your eyes, smiling at the amber lit sky, the colours of dawn painted across the sky.

You can’t help but feel as if this is a new beginning.

“Where is she?” Taehyung asks and Jimin simply rolls his eyes.

“Jimin please, you have to tell me. I have to find her! She’s been gone for weeks. I haveto find her” Taehyung pleads and Jimin scoffs at him.

“Why? Haven’t hurt her enough?” Jimin taunts and Taehyung flinches at the harsh tone of his best friend’s voice.

“I know. I know I made some mistakes, but I have to find her and make things right. Please… I can’t… I can’t lose her” Taehyung says dejectedly and Jimin’s ire once again rises.

“Fuck you Taehyung. Fuck you and your god damn role of playing the victim. It was youractions that forced her to run away. You were so fucking awful to her and don’t think I don’t fucking know” Jimin begins and Taehyung’s eyes widen slightly.

“Jimin-“ Taehyung tries to cut him off but Jimin shakes his head.

“No. No! You willfucking listen to me and only when I’m done will you speak” Jimin seethes and Taehyung immediately shuts up, knowing that Jimin is the last person you’d want to anger when already angry.

“I was there. I was fucking there when I watched you drag her away from Yugyeom and I thought, finally. Finally,he realises just exactly what he feels but just in case I followed you home and when I got here, I heardyou fuck her. I heardyou tell her you loved her and I heard her finally confess her love for you and once again I thought, finally. Maybe I won’t have to watch you slowly break that poor girl apart with your dumb one-night stands and then even more with your relationship with Hyorin. I thought that finally, ____ would get the happiness she deserves. I have watchedher be in love with you for almost as long as she’s known you. I have watched you break her apart with every one-night stand and then I watched her break apart every time, every single fucking timeyou ditched her for Hyorin. And you know what?” Jimin stop his tirade and takes in a deep breath before he continues.

“She never fucking complained. She just took all the hurt you dished out and she never once demanded anything from you. She nevercomplained and the gods know she was well within her fucking right to do so. Youabandoned her. You chose Hyorin, Hyorinof all people over her, the girl who has stood by your side no matter what, who has loved you unconditionally for as long as she’s known what love is. And you threwit all aside for Hyorin. And then how do you repay her? By sleeping with her and then trying to blame it all on her so that you can save your farce of a relationship. Just like I heard you fuck her, I heard you tell her you could neverlove her the next day. How the fuck do you think that made her feel? When you so recklessly threw aside her own feelings and used your words so callously to make her feel so small. She ran away to get away from you. To get away from all the pain you caused her. You didn’t fucking see her the day she left. How tired she looked, how fucking exhausted and lifeless she was. But I did. I fucking saw it and my heart broke her for all over again. So fucking tell me Kim Taehyung, do you deserve to even think about losing her?” Jimin finally spat out, ending his rant and Taehyung looked so lost and broken that Jimin almostregretted his words. But then he remembered you and the shell of a person you had become and he was angry all over again.

“I know. I know what I did. I know what I said. You don’t have to remind me because I know. It haunts me every night that I could have hurt her like that. I… that night was the best night of my life but I was so convinced Hyorin was the one that I hurt the only girl I have ever cared about. And I regret it. I regret is so fucking much Jimin. I… I love her and I know, I know I don’t get to say that now. It shouldn’t have taken me losing her to find out just how much she means to me but I miss her. I miss her so fucking much and it hurts. It fucking hurts. But I need to find her, I need to tell her what I feel and I need to at least try and make amends because not having her here is making me lose my fucking mind. I can’t be without her. I can’t fucking lose her Jimin” Taehyung rants, his voice is filled with need and desperation but Jimin simply shakes his head.

“I’m sorry Taehyung, but I still can’t tell you where she is. Mainly because she hasn’t told me. I’m sorry it took you all this to finally realise what you feel, but it may be too late. You’ve already lost her” Jimin says, his tone final and then he walks away.

By the time you return from Jeju Island, you’ve spent slightly more than two happy, carefree months with Jungkook. There was not a single night or day where you hadn’t spent some semblance of time with him. During afternoons, he’d join you and help wait tables in his father’s restaurant and then once you were both off of work, he’d whisk you away on some new adventure that would leave you completely exhilarated and breathless. There were days when he’d take you hiking through the woods or on other days he’d take you fishing at night. It seemed that every day was a new experience with Jungkook and you were deeply enjoying your time with him.

A month into your holiday, Jungkook had done something you had both anticipated and dreaded.

{Flashback – A month ago}

You’re lying in a small meadow, just off the roadside, overlooking the mountains and sea that surround Jeju. It’s not exactly the most ideal spot considering you’re just opposite a road, but the cars that drive past are so scarce that it doesn’t even register in your mind. Jungkook had parked his car somewhere of the side and now you two were simply laying on the grass, surrounded by beautiful purple blossoms. You breathe in the fresh air, so reminiscent of the sea salted air of Busan and yet so different from the place you called home in Seoul. The scent of grass accompanied by the scent of the sea has you feeling nostalgic and maudlin. Back to the days when life had been easier, when Taehyung hadn’t hurt you so deeply and when you were just friends, nothing more.

It’s been so long since you’ve thought of Taehyung. The hurt is still there but it’s no longer as fresh or raw. His words don’t stab at your heart anymore. Instead, they’ve left a dull ache of a wound that is slowly healing. Thoughts of Taehyung don’t send you plummeting into despair anymore. Instead, they leave you with a weird sense of nostalgia and ache. An ache for the feelings that you’ve lost, an ache for your best friend. Nothing more. You’ve long since accepted that you and Taehyung were not meant to be, nor could you ever be. There was too much bad blood, too much hurt. You were willing to forgive, but you could never forget.

“Wanna tell me what’s occupying that pretty little head of yours?” Jungkook asks, breaking you out of your inner musings. You send him a wistful smile and he notices the expression, one you’ve worn very often but have refused to divulge your secrets. Jungkook recognises the signs of someone running away from their problem, but he’s also noticed you slowly become more open with him, slowly become livelier and so he’s left it. He trusts that you know what’s best for you and that you’re dealing with your problems in your own way.

“Just stuff from home. Every now and then I think about it and it still hurts, but each day it gets better. It hurts less. It certainly hurts less than it did when I got here” You say, a genuine bright smile on your face and Jungkook smiles at your cheeriness.

“Have I been any help?” He asks, more so in a teasing tone because he would never presume that he was the answer to all your problems. But your expression once again turns reflective and there’s a certain bliss to your features that there wasn’t before, a certain lightness to your eyes.

“You’re joking, but yes. You’ve helped a lot. Thank you” You reply, genuine gratitude lacing your voice and Jungkook is instantly floored, unable to say anything. He doesn’t think he’s done anything great; all he knows is that he loves spending time with you. All he knows is that he wants to continue spending time with you, whether it was watching you attempt to break his arcade records, or sharing leftovers from the restaurant, or even if it was laying on some grass by the roadside. He wanted many more adventures with you, many more late nights and many more days spent doing anything and everything under the sun.

“Let’s go out” Jungkook says suddenly and you raise your eyebrow at him before giggling.

“We areout. But where do you want to go?” You ask curiously and he shakes his head.

“No, I mean. Let’s date. I want to take you out. On a real date. With romantic intentions” Jungkook elaborate and you stiffen, looking at him with wide eyes.

Your feelings were in complete chaos, a part of you, the broken part, wanted to run; because no matter how much you’ve forgiven him and how much you want to be over him, Taehyung has left his scars on you. Scars that will never heal. Scars tell you that you won’t ever be loved the way you want to. And you dread that. You dread falling in love with someone, giving someone everything you have only for them to leave. You somehow survived Taehyung, you doubt you’ll survive someone else leaving. You doubt you’ll survive Jungkook leaving.

But another part of you, the bigger part of you that is healed; the part that heeds Jimin’s advice, wants you to dive straight into him. It wants you to experience a love with is completely reciprocated. It wants you to experience happiness, and joy and most of all it wants you to experience love. Even if Jungkook doesn’t end up being the one, that part of you wants to try. To move on once and for all. Not everyone is Taehyung. Not everyone is going to hurt you so deeply. You rationalise that. You know that. And yet, a part of you still fears; still holds you back.

Another part of you feels guilty. You’re not completely over Taehyung. There are still residual feelings and this part of you, doesn’t want to use Jungkook as a rebound. This part of you understands that Jungkook’s feelings are pure and this part doesn’t want you taking advantage of those feelings in order to move on. It’s wrong and Jungkook doesn’t deserve that. He’s sweet, still full of life and so, somuch stronger than you. He’s experienced his own disillusionment of love; his last girlfriend cheated. And yet here he was, so ready and willing to dive head first into you, someone who was still haunted by her past love. He was stronger than you could ever be.

“You’re not saying anything. If you don’t want to, just say so. It’s not that big a deal” Jungkook says with a shrug but you can see the slight nervousness in his eyes. It is a big deal. It’s bigger than he could ever know. Were you willing to put yourself in that position again? You had no idea. But… maybe you just owed it to yourself to try. To explain why you’re so wary and why you both want to and don’t want to date him. So, you do. Explain that is.

You come clean about everything. You tell him about Taehyung, you tell him about how you fell in love and how you were always just the best friend. You tell him about the day he gets a girlfriend, and then all the times he’s left you for her. You tell him about the night you fuck and then the huge blow up the day after. You tell him about how you ran away to Jeju and then met him. You tell him about how much he unknowingly healed you and why you’re so reluctant to date him, even if you want to. You don’t want to hurt him and you don’t want to use him. You tell him everything and Jungkook just listens. He listens and listens and then when you’re done he pulls you close and hugs you until the tears are all dried and you’re left with nothing but feelings of safety and comfort, wrapped up in Jungkook’s embrace.

“I don’t want to be hurt anymore” You confess with a sniffer and Jungkook nods, his chin resting on the top of your head. He holds you tighter and presses a soft kiss against your temple.

“I know. I know baby. I’m sorry you went through that. I’m sorry he was too much of an idiot to realise how amazing you are. But his loss, is still my gain. I want to date you. I want you to be mine. I want to show you what it means to love and be loved; I want to show you the joys of being in love. I can’t promise you it’ll all be sunshine and rainbows. But my god ____, I can promise that I won’t everhurt you the way he did. So, forget everything else and tell me what you want. If you want to try, I’m here. If you don’t feel ready, then I’ll still be here; I’ll wait until you’re ready. Because I want you. I want everything about you. I want your smile, your tears, your heartache but most importantly your love. I want it all” Jungkook says and you have no idea how he does it, but once again it’s like a huge burden is lifted off your shoulders. Jungkook is far stronger than you could ever hope to be. But a part of you wonders, that maybe, just maybeif you stick by him, he’ll lend you some of that strength.

So, you say yes.

And he kisses you.

{End of Flashback}

Now it’s been almost two and a half months since you’ve been in Jeju and it’s time you went back. Graduation was in a week; you had gotten your results two week before hand and surprisingly, you’d passed all your modules. You were getting a degree. You had immediately run to Jungkook and the two of you had celebrated with a quick picnic on the beach, Jungkook snatching a bottle of wine from the restaurant’s wine cellar. You had packed up all your things and were finally ready to head back to Seoul and face real life. You couldn’t run from your life; something Jungkook had reminded you of everyday.

“Ready to go?” Jungkook asked, his own bag packed with him. You smiled at him and nodded. You turned to the flat once again, smiling nostalgically before you turned off all the lights and deposited the keys where they were supposed to be. He grabbed your bag and carried it towards the taxi waiting for the two of you. Jungkook was returning with you for two reasons. The first being, to your great surprise, was that he too attended university in Seoul and therefore, he too had to return back to everyday life. The second being, that he really wanted to watch you graduate.

There was very little you could refuse Jungkook and so you had accepted, more than happy to be returning with him. You had worried about needed to return to Seoul. You had come to develop a deep fondness for Jungkook. It wasn’t love yet, you were still wary and Jungkook understood. He was in a similar position. But that didn’t mean you weren’t particularly fond of each other. For now, it was more than enough. There was no way to say what the future entailed, but you had some hope that you’d somehow last.

Your feelings for Jungkook were day and night in comparison to your feelings for Taehyung. You weren’t consumed with a burning want like you had for Taehyung; instead you were filled with a small need for him. The need to tell him how your day went, to the need to touch him whether it be a small brush of your hands or his arms around you in bed. You were filled with the need to see him smile and to see him flourish and you were assured the feelings were reciprocated. Being with Jungkook was one of the best things to ever happen to you and you were soglad you had run away and found him.

But now, it was time to go home.

A small part of you dreaded returning. You had no idea what was happening; sure, you’d kept in touch with Jimin, dropping him texts every now and then but you never asked about Taehyung and he never bothered telling you. You were going back blind and it filled you with nervousness. You’d messaged Jimin, letting him know you’d be moving back in. Jimin was ecstatic, but he questioned whether it was wise. You weren’t entirely sure yourself. But you were done running, that was your home as much as it was Taehyung’s and you were not giving it up. Besides, you sincerely hoped that you and Taehyung could move on and continue being friends. Of course, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem once he realised you’d moved on and he could happily be with Hyorin.

However, only time would tell.

“I can’t believe you’re back! I missed you so much! Tell me everything, how was Jeju?” Jimin bounces over to you, happiness radiating off of him as he greets you with a hug. You let out a small laugh and hug him back once you place your bags down.

“I can’t believe I’m back either. I missed you too! Can I unpack first? My room is still available right. I didn’t even ask before dropping you a text telling you I was moving back in” You say apologetically and Jimin shakes his head.

“We rented out your room for a bit, but your stuff is still there and your name is still on the lease so it’s all good. Do you need any… help unpacking?” Jimin trails off when Jungkook enters your shared apartment. He gives Jimin a shy smile and Jimin’s eyes widen to the size of saucers. He turns to look at you, gaping like a fish as he flicks between you and Jungkook.

“Babe, where do you want this?” Jungkook asks and Jimin splutters. You send him a weird look before pointing your room out to Jungkook.

“Down there, Kook. I’ll come help in a bit” You say and Jungkook nods as he grabs your stuff and his before taking it into your room. Once he’s out of earshot, Jimin rounds on you.

“Who is that? Is he staying here? Whatthe fuck happened in Jeju? Are you over Taehyung?” Jimin rapidly questions and you reel back slightly before laughing at him as you pat his shoulder, trying to calm him down.

“That Jungkook… my boyfriend I guess. He’s staying for a short while; his apartment is still being room is still being rented to some summer tenants so he has to wait it out. So much happened in Jeju but the main thing was that I started seeing Jungkook. And I don’t think I’ll everbe over Taehyung, but I’m better. Definitely much better” You say with a soft smile and Jimin raises his eyebrow.

“Does Jungkook know?” Jimin asks and you send him an agitated look.

“Of course, he knows. I wouldn’t keep such a big thing from him. He knows all about Taehyung and he’s super understanding. It’s more that I deserve” You reply and Jimin scowls at you.

“Don’t do that. You deserve more than you think you do. But damn, all hell is going to break loose when Taehyung returns” Jimin says and you frown, eyebrows furrowed as you ponder his words.

“What do you mean? Why would all hell break loose?” You ask but before he could answer, the front door clicks open and Taehyung enters holding grocery bags.

“Hey Jimin, the store didn’t have your favourite ramen so I got another type-“ Taehyung begins but he stops short when his head lifts up and he meets your gaze. Time seems to stand still as the two of you look at each other. Taehyung’s is one of shock while a small unsure smile is painted upon your lips. It’s been almost half a year since you’ve seen Taehyung. You avoided him like the plague during exam season and then you disappeared to Jeju Island. He’s still as beautiful as the day he walked out of your room. Except now, his mullet is gone and in place a shorter version; and his hair is no longer blonde but back to its natural dark colouring.

“Is… is that really you?” Taehyung asks and you not shyly, unsure why you’re so unnerved. Taehyung immediately drops his bags and stalks over to you and before you know it, his arms are wrapped around you, pulling you close to his chest and encasing you in his embrace. You breathe out a sigh of relief and hug back. Maybe this would be easier than you imagined.

“Surprise!” You say quietly but Taehyung ignored it, instead he holds you at arm’s length and takes in every inch of your appearance.

“I can’t believe it’s you. I can’t believe you’re back. I missed you. I missed you so much, please don’t ever leave me again. I love you” Taehyung confesses and you freeze, your brain short circuiting for a bit but before you can respond, Taehyung’s lips are locked against yours. Your eyes widen in shock and you stand stock-still for a couple moments before your brain registers exactly what is happen. You quickly struggle against his hold and finally managed to break away, pushing him off of you. Taehyung looks at you in shock and you regard him in disbelief and anger.

“What do you think you’re doing? You can’t just kiss me like that Kim Taehyung! What made you think that was okay?” You cry, pointing an accusatory finger at him.

“What? Why not? I love you. I’m sorry, I was such an idiot before and it took you leaving for me to realise just what I feel for you. I know it sounds like a cop out and you have no reason to believe me after what I said, but I dolove you. And I’m willing to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I love you” Taehyung says and you scoff in incredulity.

“Are you fucking kidding me Kim Taehyung? You’re right I don’t believe you. I don’t want to believe you. You told me you could neverlove me the way you love Hyorin. Speaking of, where is she? We made the mistake of cheating once, I won’t do it again” You spit out, ire rising with each passing moment. How could he do this to you? You were finallymoving on and here he was, throwing a wrench in your work. Well you wouldn’t allow it, you refuseto be a part of his game anymore.

“I broke up with her. I was an idiot. Such an idiot, I never should have ditched you. I never should have distanced myself from you. I love you. I love you so much and I know you love me. So please, just give me a chance” Taehyung pleads, reaching one hand out to grab yours. You pull it away and shake your head at him.

“Yeah, you were. But that’s in the past. I can’t give you a chance anymore. I’m sorry, you lost that the minute you walked out of my door that day. You left me completely broken. You hurt me, in a way I never expected you to. I’m fine now, I got over it. But I’m sorry to say Taehyung… I don’t love you anymore” You whisper and you yourself are startled by the truth of your words. But it’s true. You don’tlove him anymore. All those feelings are replaced by placid feelings of fondness for your best friend and nothing else.

“No. No, you don’t mean that. You love me. You’ve loved me for years. You can’t be over me so easily. It’s only been half a year. You love me. Please tell me you love me” Taehyung begs, tears pooling in his eyes and a part of you aches for him. You know exactly what he’s feeling; the desperation to be loved by the one you love. But you couldn’t offer him that solace anymore.

“I can’t. I can’t say that, because it’s not true. I love you Taehyung, but not in that way. Not anymore. That’s what happens when you’re hurt that muchby the person you love. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry to do this and I hope one day we can go back to being friends. But any romantic notion of me and you, died that day Taehyung” You say with a small sob, you hadn’t even registered you were crying. But these tears aren’t for yourself. These are for Taehyung. These tears are for the heart you know you’re breaking with your words. But you can’t lead him on. You can’t do what he did to you for so long.

“NO! No! Please, I love you” Taehyung implores and you desperately wish he had done this months ago. But it’s too late now. His confession is far too delayed and you can’t help but wonder if you and Taehyung were cursed with nothing but missed opportunities and incorrect timing. In another world, in another life, you could see yourself with Taehyung. But not in this life. Not in this world. You were happy with Jungkook and you weren’t going to give that up.

“Is everything okay?” Jungkook asks as he walks our wearily, he regards Taehyung with a guarded expression before his eyes fall onto you. His eyes widen in panic at your tear streaked face; he quickly walks over to you and pull you into him. His hand cups your cheek and lifts your chin up to look at him.

“____? Are you okay baby? What’s wrong?” Jungkook ask and the concern etched onto his face only makes you cry harder. You’re convinced you don’t deserve him, but you’d be damned if you were letting him go. So, you do the only thing you can. You pull him into a kiss and pour out all your emotions into it. It’s not love and Jungkook knows it, but right now it’s the closest thing to it and he’ll take it.

“Take me away. We can unpack later, but right now. I just want to watch the sunset with you” You whisper and Jungkook immediately nods. He runs into your room and grabs both your jacket before he grabs your hand and tugs you along with him. He waves Jimin goodbye and regards Taehyung with an apologetic look before leading you out of your flat. You stop briefly and turn to Taehyung.

“I’m sorry Taehyung. I really am” You whisper and then Jungkook shuts the door.

This time, Taehyung watches you leave. His chest feels likes its being caved in and he’s filled with despair. He watches you leave with Jungkook, your hands entwined and he wants nothing more than to be in his place. But he saw the hint of love in your eyes when you looked at Jungkook. It’s not as strong as how you used to look at him, but it’s there and his heart shatters. When he finally hears the door shut, he knows that this is the end. You’ve walked out of his life, once and for all. There’s no more you and Taehyung. He lost that right a while ago. Doubt clouds his mind and he ponders the what ifs. What if he realised his feelings sooner, what if he ran after you? What if he’d never walked out that day? Maybe, just maybe he’d have you in his arms right now.

But he can’t change the past.

He can’t change the inkling of love you have for Jungkook.

He can’t make you love him again.

And Taehyung briefly wonders, how do you cope with losing something you both had and didn’t have?

A/N: This AU took everything out of me. So I hope you enjoyed that!

Masterlist

[bitletsanddrabbles]

Battle of the Butlers: Who Buttled Best?

One of the big debates I’ve seen since the movie came out is the burning question of who should have actually been in charge of the staff. Everyone has their opinion of who should have been calling the shots, making certain that the Royal visit was a worthy experience. As with many things in the fandom, people act the answer is the most obvious thing in the world, but really, is it? I mean, if it is, why are we even having the discussion? So let’s take a second and unpack this burning question a bit, shall we?

To start with, what does the person running this three ring circus have to accomplish? They need to make the visit go like clockwork, doubly so because the King was known for following a strict schedule. They had to make certain everything was up to the standard of the visiting Royalty. In short, they needed to cater, flawlessly, to all of Their Majesty’s whims. Given this, the answer is indeed obvious:

Mr. Wilson should have been in charge.

Now I know what you’re saying. Mr. Wilson didn’t deserve to be in charge. He was an utter prat. The Downton staff was every bit as good as their Royal counterparts and better, because they had manners. Thing is, if you look at it, being nice and polite – at least to your equals or, as he would insist, inferiors – isn’t really a necessary part of being a butler or similar role. You don’t have to be nice to choose the proper wine, see that the silver is polished, and get the tea served on time. Mr. Wilson may have been an utter prat, but he was an utter prat whose entire job was to see the King and Queen comfortable and served in a manner they were accustom to. He knew their likes and dislikes, all of their little quirks. He’d been doing these tours for awhile. He had a system, that system had been tried, tested, and it worked. So, on sheer technical merit, he held all of the aces and should 100% have been in charge.

Does that mean I wanted him to be in charge? Hell no, guy was an utter, inexcusable prat. You don’t just come into someone’s house, tell their staff to go sit in the corner, and while you’re at it write your hosts off as people of no importance (outside of their ear shot, of course). He could easily have come in and said “Their Majesties are, as you can imagine, quite particular. We have a system, please, let us use it” and then found ways for the staff to be useful in that system. Say, having the housekeeper give Mrs. Webb a tour so she could find the proper bedrooms or something like that. He could, at the very least, have acknowledged the huge amounts of prep work the staff had done before he even showed up. No, Carson was absolutely right – the man had it coming. In spades. And I, as with everyone else, am glad he got it.

So, completely ignoring the fact that on technical merit, Mr. Wilson should have gotten the lead, let’s look at our other two candidates, Mr. Barrow and Mr. Carson.

The one thing these two have absolutely in common is that the Royal Staff walked all over them. Both of their efforts to direct people to the servants’ entrance ended in failure, the main difference being that while Lady Mary was on hand to see Barrow herding Mr. Wilson and co. downstairs, only Mrs. Hughes and Mr. Bates were there to witness Carson being walked over. (Also, Mr. Barrow greeted his crew alone – Mr. Carson had backup.) If Mr. Carson had not been called in, Mr. Wilson would have been in charge the entire time. As it is, with Mr. Carson at the helm, Mr. Wilson would have been in charge if it weren’t for the Bateses getting their hackles up and leading a rebellion. As far as managing the Royal Staff is concerned, the only difference between them was that Mr. Barrow was willing to compromise, deferring to Mr. Wilson on the choice of silver while for Mr. Carson, compromise was out of the question and it was his way or the highway (or in this case Mr. Wilson’s way while he sat in the servant’s hall reading a book). Neither of them was going to actually challenge what was going on.

Once you get past that, their merits and failings pretty neatly balance each other. Barrow is new and nervous, but fully capable of doing all aspects of the job while Carson has experience, but also palsy that keeps him from pouring anything, which was why he was forced into retirement. Barrow is efficient, choosing simply base polish the silver, but not wasting the time to bring it all up to full shine since they weren’t going to use it all while Carson brings t it all up to full polish which means it’s all available at a moment’s notice, but it was less efficient.

In the end, the key deciding point has nothing to do with the abilities of either man, but rather the needs of the house at large and Lady Mary in particular. Like Barrow, Lady Mary is relatively new to her position, eager to impress, and therefore quite nervous. She both projects her mental state on him and recognizes that, projection aside, he’s genuinely nervous as well. This does not help her feel any more stable or in control, particularly when it takes the form of leaving the choice of which silver to use up to a stranger – and a strange servant at that! She has worked with Barrow, but she grew up with Carson. He’s her second father and she trusts him unfailingly when it comes to running the household. She has to trust the butler because in the end, she knows very little about it. If she did, she’d know there’s a lot more to it than polishing the ruddy silver!

Of the Downton butlers, Carson needs to be the one in charge, note because he’s more capable, but because he and his system are more familiar and therefore offer more stability. This is a perfectly fair judgement call on the part of Lady Mary.

However. As with Mr. Wilson’s authoritarian dismissal of the Downton staff, there is a polite way and an impolite way to handle this decision and as both Mrs. Hughes and Lord Grantham pointed out, the one that was utilized was the wrong option. If Mary had discussed things with Robert more than two minutes before Carson walked into the room and announced that Barrow would be along in a jiff, they could have worked out in advance what Barrow would be doing with his time. They could have fond a graceful way to tell him that Mr. Carson was coming back, one that didn’t completely dismiss all of the non-silver-related work that he’d gotten done.

In short, they could have handled the situation better than Mr. Wilson did, and it’s pretty clear that at least two people in the house are fully aware of that.

Incidentally, I’ve seen several things that indicate people think Mary’s “Are you going to sack him?” is a statement of desire. He’s thrown a tantrum, she can’t abide it, and she wants him out. But watch that scene again. Listen to her tone of voice and watch her face. Consider: this is a woman who later tells Anna that one of her big struggles is “will the servants stay?” That wasn’t a vindictive wish to have Barrow gone, that was the “oh shit” of realizing, on some level, that she’d screwed things up and that when the Royal Visit was all over, she might have to find a new butler along with figuring out what the devil she was going to do about the roof!

And of course, this is all in story reasoning. There’s another reason Carson had to be the butler that’s much easier to unpack – the plotline. If Barrow had been ‘on duty’, he couldn’t have gone off to York, gone dancing, gotten arrested, and wound up with a boyfriend. If Mr. Wilson had been ‘on duty’, there would have been no room for Mr. Carson. As anyone watching the cries of “If (insert character name) isn’t in the film, we should riot!” that went around Tumblr before the trailer release can tell you, no one wanted that. The fans clearly didn’t want it. The actors didn’t want it, because they enjoyed their roles. Julian Fellowes didn’t want it, because he enjoys his characters and after six seasons wanted Thomas to have some actual fun. (Yes, he’s stated that.)

Now, can we please stop bickering over who’s pet butler is the most perfecest and deserving and move on to something more important? Like Lady Mary’s blue dress vs. the black and white one? My vote is for the blue.

[judelaw]

Yonvers Relationship Masterpost (+ why Yon-Rogg is so great)

Anonymous said: Hi there! This genuinely isn’t meant to come off as accusatory or anything but could u please explain why you like yon rogg so much/ship yonvers/etc? I’ve only see CM twice but I’m wondering if I was too quick to dismiss him ??

I’m replying in a text post because there is so much canon Yonvers content that this explanation is going to get really long and this way I can save the progress. I hope that's alright! (I’ll probably forget to mention one or two things because as I said, there is just so much, so this is most likely going to be an incomplete list). Also I don’t know how well I can explain it because it’s so obvious to me how amazing both Yon-Rogg and Yonvers are but I’ll do my very best to describe it by using canon examples from the film, the deleted scenes and the official Marvel books “Starforce On The Rise” (SOTR), “Hero Storybook” (HS) and “Starforce Mission Log” (SML), as well as the art book and "The Official Movie Special” (MS) shortly - just the film would already be enough but if Marvel provides us with so much information why not use it to further prove my point, right?

First of all, Yon-Rogg was never supposed to care about Carol in any way yet he not only likes her, he fell in love with her.

“They have a tight bond, but Vers’ humanity still comes out, and I think that is hugely attractive to Yon-Rogg. I think he finds her irresistible, and it’s her human elements that he really warms to.” (Jude Law) (MS)

Yon-Rogg’s the poster boy of the Kree and therefore supposed to embody their values. He should be some unemotional guy because that’s the Kree lifestyle (”[...] more focused, driven, and less emotional, which is more of a Kree and certainly more Star-Force’s way of doing things.” - Jude Law) yet he’s just soft. He refuses to harm anyone who isn’t a Skrull (who he believes are all terrorists due to the propaganda and manipulation of the Supreme Intelligence, just like Carol believed that) unless it’s unavoidable.

He, again just like Carol, really believes they are noble warrior heroes who not only protect the Kree but also every nation too weak to defend themselves.

Yon-Rogg saved Carol’s life by not only taking her with them to Hala but also giving her his blood. She would have died otherwise - in fact she did die and Yon brought her back to life (”He brought her back to life with Kree blood [...]” - Jude Law). Was it still technically kidnapping? Of course. But a) it wasn’t his fault she was there at all, it was Mar-Vell who dragged her into a war without telling her what it’s about, b) for all he knew she could have been well aware of what’s going on could have been on the side of the Skrulls, c) he gave her an easy way out, he only wanted the core, Carol was the one who shot the drive and almost killed herself in the process and d) again, she would have died if he didn’t do it. Did he only do it because of the core’s energy? Probably. Was it still wrong? Yes. Could he have done something else without her dying? No. Even she even died with the Kree medical technology taking care of her, she would have 100% died on Earth with much more primitive technology.

Did he lie to her for six years? Yes. Would he have to apologize for that? Yes. But realistically, did he have a choice? No. Imagine he would have told her the truth - the Supreme Intelligence would have gotten both of them killed. Carol can only break out of the simulation at the end of the film because of everything that has happened in the film. If Yon would have just told her and she would have gotten her memory back like that, she’d lack the emotional drive to unlock her full powers. And even if she still would have somehow managed to break out - did he know that was even possible? No. It's said in the film to be impossible. So he had to believe she would absolutely either die or just get her memory taken away again if he would have told her the truth.

It was him alone who saved her yet he obviously never made a big deal out of it otherwise Carol would have told the science guy it was his blood instead of just telling him her first memory was a blood transfusion without giving more details (or Carol was just an asshole and didn’t give a fuck if that Skrull would die for nothing but I choose to believe she is actually a nice person as it lines up with what we see in the film). Carol isn’t even aware of what Yon did for her because he isn’t the kind of person to brag with anything which is also also why despite being a hero to the Kree, he’s never arrogant about it as stated in Starforce Mission Log:

“[Yon-Rogg] is a famous warriror in the fight against the Skrulls. Whenever Kree approach him or salute him to show their gratitude, he’s always very gracious. I can only hope to be as admired as he is one day - not that I would ever admit that to him.”

Yon-Rogg has always treated Carol incredibly well. So well in fact that Carol can not only hit him playfully (keep in mind he is her commander)

She also describes him as her friend in SML:

He’s never angry at her even when she directly ignores his orders (see eg. Yon-Rogg being there for Carol when she calls him a second time even though he has ordered her in the first call to not leave her original position or her questioning his orders twice in SOTR when his reaction is just to be really sweet with her).

She’s his favorite.

(SML)

(SOTR)

And he let’s her get away with things no one else gets away with (in SOTR Vers is questioning his orders, gets called out for it by Korath, Yon-Rogg defends Vers and sends Korath away [see two pictures down] - only to later glare at Minn-Erva to shut her up when she questions the same orders) because, as the Supreme Intelligence stated, he’s blinded by his feelings for her.

Yon-Rogg is protective of her, defends her even in front of his own team

(SOTR)

(SOTR)

As well as in front of his God (and abuser) the Supreme Intelligence by insistingVers  is ready for the mission, even though he told Vers like 5 minutes earlier she needs to be in control of her anger first.

He most likely does that because he knows how much Vers wants to come along on the mission and he just cannot say no to her/wants her to be happy which happens again on Torfa when Yon-Rogg knows it’s most likely an ambush and too dangerous to go, Vers says she’ll go on her own and Yon tells her not to only to then say they will all go.

Carol feels so comfortable around him.

She can make fun of him in front of others and he’s only amused by it

or even chooses to compliment her.

And he’s so happy to just be with her.

He loves her humor.

(SOTR)

Even starts joking around like that as well.

(SOTR)

And even when she’s his enemy he still appreciates her wit.

Carol’s seeking his shelter whenever she’s afraid/confused. Not only on Hala after her dreams

(he would rather sleep but it still there for her)

“I knocked on his door and woke him up to go to the gym. I have to hand it to Yon-Rogg - even though he would rather sleep when I wake him, he always makes time for us to train.” (SML)

but also when she finds out about Mar-Vell she immediately calls him.

They are a team. The two of them.

Vers can even shoot him literally just for fun because she knows it doesn’t have consequences for her.

“I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of one of [my photon blasts], but I enjoy giving Yon-Rogg a taste of them when he pins me on the mat or ends up giving me a nosebleed during training.” (SML)

Yon-Rogg cares deeply about her, screaming her name six (6) times when he cannot reach her on Torfa, fearing they lost her.

He’s actually distressed about losing her.

(HS)

We see Yon-Rogg angry twice in the film, both times are related to Carol. Only his worry/love for her can awake such strong feelings. The first time is when the connection to her breaks again (after he has just “reunited” with her).

And the second time is when he’s facing the Carol-Skrull. At first because he thinks the Skrulls have done something to her (again). And then because he realizes she knows the truth and therefore he lost her.

However, what really gets me about their relationship is what he’s doing in the end of the film. His God/leader/abuser has told him to get Carol and the core. Yon-Rogg is terrified of them.

Yon knows what horrible things will happen to him if he fails - yet he fails on purpose. After Carol breaks out of the simulation, he completely refuses to even try to capture her. They fight against each other on Mar-Vell’s ship when he thinks she has the core but as soon as he realizes she doesn’t have it anymore (and complimented her diversion), he leaves her alone. He needs to get both Carol and the core and Yon-Rogg was literally the only person who even had a small chance against Carol when her powers where fully activated, yet he runs away to get the core.

And when the core is completely out of reach and Carol is the only “thing” he can capture to save his own life, he not only hesistates and visibly struggles due to his feelings for her -

He gives up. And compliments her yet again.

He has chosen Carol, to not even try to hurt her despite having had many chances to, over his own life and his God.

Yon-Rogg then goes on to provoke Carol by saying exactly what he knows would anger her, hoping she’d kill him so he doesn’t have face the Supreme Intelligence again.

But just as Yon refused, Carol refuses to kill him as well - even though she had the perfect excuse and chance to and even though she just killed a bunch of Kree she didn’t even know without any hesitation two minutes ago. She even had fun.

But when she’s facing Yon-Rogg she’s just looking hurt.

Why is she hurt?

Because Yon-Rogg never mistreated her.

When she figures out the truth, her first words literally are

Not “They lied to me.” or even “He killed Dr. Lawson.” or anything else. No. “He lied to me.” The most shocking thing to her is that Yon-Rogg lied. Because she never thought he, her best friend (next to Maria but she couldn’t remember her for six years), could ever harm her. Because Yon-Rogg has never done that before.

Their relationship, no matter if you see it romantically or as a platonic friendship, shouldn’t have existed. Yon-Rogg should have never fallen for her. She is heavily emotional. He should despise that. But her human, emotional side is exactly what he’s falling in love with (”[...] and it’s her human elements that he really warms to.” JL).

(I personally believe it started the minute they met. Carol is heavily emotional, scared when she’s facing him. The Kree told Yon-Rogg you cannot be a good warrior if you are emotional. Yet Carol bravely shot the core, ready to sacrifice her own life for what she believes in, proving to be what he would consider a noble warrior hero despite being emotional. And that’s incredibly to Yon-Rogg. Because he’s rather emotional as well but grew up in a society where he wasn’t allowed to be that. Where he was told he can never be a warrior when he’s emotional. But Carol proved them wrong. Back at the lake and especially when she breaks out of the simulation).

Carol should have simply been a weapon to him. But she wasn’t. He could have simply treated her like a subordinate instead of his friend. Be he didn’t.

He could have trained her in a military gym instead of going to the gym of his childhood with her (stated in the art book), instead of sharing something so private with her. But he didn’t.

He ran to the gym with her even though he didn’t understand what’s so great about running and as her commander he could have just told her they’ll take the public transport. But he didn’t.

She could have befriended anyone else on Hala. But she didn’t. Her only other friend is Att-Lass and she’s not even nearly as close to him as she is to Yon-Rogg.

She could have stayed in her room, on her own or went to anyone else for comfort but she chose to go to Yon-Rogg again and again and let him in.

And he was there for her. Always.

Instead of staying Kree commander and weapon or at the very least commander and subordinate, they became friends. And Yon-Rogg even fell in love with her.

They have such a strong bond. A bond that despite everything still isn’t broken at the end of the film and that can still get fixed. And I really hope Marvel doesn’t throw all of this out of the window but gives them both the chance to get happy again - instead of ending their relationship by killing Yon-Rogg off because Carol unknowingly send him back to his abuser.

They both deserve better than that.

[kainosite]

Les Misérables 2018, Episode 2

Welp, Anthony Perkins is not going to be knocked from his pedestal of “Most Brick-Accurate Interpretation of Javert Despite Being Far Too Attractive for the Role” any time soon.

The Good:

• Finally we get an adaptation that will force both us and Valjean to confront the question “Does Petit Gervais deserve the protection of the French criminal justice system, and if not why not?”  The miniseries kind of had to do this because it made Valjean’s theft of the coin so much more deliberate than in the book, but it has done it, and not before time.  Les Mis fandom has been willfully avoiding this question for years.

• The Thénardiers were superb.  I know Olivia Colman is contractually obliged to appear in every BBC production ever, but her ubiquity is entirely justified here because she may be the best Mme. Thénardier of all time.  Thénardier was good too, and that brief flash of violence against Mme. T when she challenged him was a valuable addition, both because it explains a lot about her character and because it foreshadows what he’ll become in Paris.  So far we’ve only seen him as a corpse looter, a dodgy innkeeper and an extortionist, but he’s more dangerous than that, and we caught a glimpse of that here.  There were some nice subtle touches: the Sergeant of Waterloo sign and the story of Thénardier’s heroism, the fact that the girls only have two good dresses between them (Azelma immediately gets Cosette’s; when they’re showing off Cosette to Victurnien she’s wearing Éponine’s), the inclusion of unloved, adorable baby Gavroche.

• One consequence of Colman’s excellent performance is that Fantine’s choice to leave Cosette at the inn appears quite reasonable, as it should.  Fantine did exactly what a young woman traveling alone is supposed to do: she gravitated towards the mother playing with her children because that’s the person who is supposed to be safe.  Mme. T was welcoming and sympathetic, though still with a bit of a Thénardiery edge, the little girls played together like sisters, and Fantine’s decision to leave Cosette in this stable, apparently happy environment seems entirely natural.  She had no way to know that wholesome surface was wallpaper over an abyss.  The people who can afford the diligence get a recommendation for the other inn, but she had to walk.  (The Vimes theory of Yelp reviews.)

• Having Fantine walk in on Madeleine’s mayoral inauguration was a clever way to handle that exposition in theory, although slightly clunky in practice.

• Madeleine is so awkward.  His speeches are so bad.  His hat and coat are so ugly. <333

• I love every OC in Montreuil.  I love the bourgeois who is super excited about Madeleine becoming the mayor (I hereby dub him “Robert”).  I love Fantine’s factory friends who gossip about their sexy boss and his bedroom grotto and then run to get him to rescue their fallen coworker from  evil cops.  I even love the public letter writer with his creepy but pragmatic advice.  I imagine he’s been witness to a lot of human misery and has developed that cynicism and dark humor you often see in people in frontline emergency services.

• I don’t love Mme. Victurnien, but that’s her, all right.

• This adaptation is doing an excellent job with Fantine’s illiteracy, and has been since the first episode.  The skin-crawling awfulness of having to conduct your most private, personal business through the public letter writer and have him know and comment on all of it really comes through.

• The police are all in plainclothes and basically look like a gang of thugs.  This adaptation has really grasped the 1820s French police aesthetic.  I also appreciated how hostile and judgey everyone at the Prefecture was towards Javert.

• I don’t know what it says about Davies that the characters he can most consistently write well are the asshole fuckboys, but Bamatabois was great.

Also I don’t think I’ve seen a Fantine beat up a Bamatabois this bad since 1934 when she put his head through a glass window.  As in the 1934 adaptaion, this creates a minor problem with the narrative because it means she really is guilty of a serious assault and Javert is right to arrest her, but you’d have to have a heart of stone not to enjoy seeing Bamatabois punched repeatedly in the face.  I do not have a heart of stone.

• I’m choosing to believe that Javert’s handshake following his resignation is a little nod to readers of the novel, who know as well as he does that a legitimate magistrate has not taken the hand of a spy.

• Nice fake jet manufacturing process in Valjean’s factory: they even included the gum-lac.  The flag at the Prefecture of Police is the white fleur-de-lys, not the tricolor.  They really are putting tremendous effort into getting some of the little details right.

• This adaptation’s sense of place continues to be excellent.  Montreuil-sur-Mer has its steep hill; during Madeleine’s inauguration you can even see the Canche.  The soldiers from the garrison are a ubiquitous background presence. The Prefecture of Police in Paris looks like the old headquarters at the Rue de Jérusalem, which if it wasn’t a happy accident shows a truly remarkable degree of historical research and commitment to accuracy.  (They then proceeded to cover it up with that hideous red font, truly the ‘YELLOW’ of this adaptation.)

The Meh

• If you must go with a “Javert immediately makes a positive identification of Valjean” plot their first meeting wasn’t a disaster, I guess.  There was some decent dramatic tension.  I appreciated Madeleine’s initial cunning plan to stare out the window for the entire rest of his life so that Javert couldn’t look him in the face, before realizing that this probably wasn’t going to work.  The little slip where he called Javert ambitious and betrayed his prior knowledge of him was good.

• Why does every person in this adaptation have a ridiculous and implausible horse?  Why does Javert have a horse to ride to Paris, which is far enough away that you’d need to change horses and you should probably just take the diligence, but not to Arras, which is within riding distance?

The horses are elevated from “bad” to “meh” by the fact that Valjean’s palomino is gorgeous, though very unlikely to exist in northern France in 1823, and if he must ride an implausible horse it might as well be an anachronistically pretty one.  Also by Valjean and Javert’s fraught moonlit horseback encounter, which is obviously what an adaptation should do with its ridiculous horses if it insists on having them.

• The Chief Inspector in Paris was neither Chabouillet nor attractive, nor did he have any fun hierarchical tension with Javert.  Boo.

• This adaptation is sure going hard on the Valjean/Fantine vibes, huh.  I don’t hate it, which probably counts as an enormous accomplishment for the miniseries.  I think it manages not to come off as gross mainly because Madeleine is so incredibly awkward that it’s impossible to imagine it ever progressing to the point of a sexual relationship.  Fantine smiles at Madeleine because she’s so relieved to have found a safe harbor.  After an internal struggle Madeleine manages to smile back because that’s what you’re supposed to do when people smile at you, right??? and she’s so powerless that she’s the only adult in Montreuil he doesn’t find threatening.  In a decade or two they might progress all the way to reciprocal “Good mornings” when she comes in to work.  That’s as far as this is going to go.

• Sadly this vision of social harmony and human connection will never be realized, because Fantine got fired.  Specifically she got fired by Valjean for added drama.  I know people are up in arms about this, but honestly I think it’s fine?  At the end of the day it is Valjean’s sexist policy that costs Fantine her job and his chosen supervisor who implements it.  The franc stops with him.  Having him fire her himself just makes his responsibility a little more apparent. I don’t think it’s necessary to depict it this way, but it’s fine.  Adaptations do this sometimes.  In 2012 something very similar happens, where Valjean is too distracted by Javert to deal with the Fantine Baby Drama and lets a malicious subordinate call the shots.  The Original French Concept Album has Valjean fire her directly without any excuse for his behavior at all, and nobody thinks the musical is a irredeemable character-ruining travesty of an adaptation– well, one guy.

• Shouty Valjean is not doing anything for me but he’s not catastrophic either.  It is unfortunate that most of the people he interacts with in this episode, and therefore most of the people he shouts at, are female, but we know from Episode 1 that he’s equally happy to shout at bishops who have just saved him from a lifetime sentence of forced labor.  Westjean is an equal opportunity shouter.

The decision to portray Valjean’s saintliness as a constant effort that slips whenever he’s stressed is an unusual one, and certainly not Brick-accurate (Brick Valjean’s saintliness is a constant effort that almost never slips), but I don’t think we should dismiss it out of hand.  Television needs to externalize internal conflicts in some way, and I can’t say this is a less artistically valid method than eg. I Miserabili’s tendency to have everyone monologue all the time.  We’ll have to see where they go with it.

• Valjean didn’t refuse Javert’s resignation.  The resignation scene is so weird that I’ve decided I’m actually okay with this, because it’s really very unclear what Javert’s is resigning over.  Is it the “false” denunciation?  Is it the argument over Fantine, which he also apologizes for?  Has all this turmoil just made him reconsider his life choices, and he’s decided to emigrate to America and become a paddleboat pilot on the Mississippi?  Who knows!  Valjean has��a moral responsibility to stop Javert falling on his sword over the denunciation, but not to keep him on the police force.  If Javert is going to be this vague, it’s his problem.

• The Burning Coin of Shame was so melodramatic Hugo’s ghost is presumably kicking himself for not making Valjean pick it up in the novel.  I don’t hate it, but when you’ve out-melodrama’d Hugo it may be time to take a step back.

The Bad

• That red font looks worse every time I see it.

• Valjean’s godforsaken ponytail.  WHY.  It’s not even attractive!  Who the fuck decided to lift every aesthetic decision from the 2012 movie except for the period appropriate hair!?

• Speaking of period appropriate hair, your prospective employers might be less likely to assume you’re a slut if you put it up like a respectable woman instead letting it flop all over the place like a prostitute, Fantine.

• I don’t love Fantine’s intake interview.  There are ways they could have depicted the factory’s morality policy without making Madeleine come off like such a nosy sexist asshole, and Davies should have found one.  Being the nosy sexist asshole is Victurnien’s job.  Madeleine is meant to be the paternalistic, well-meaning sexist asshole.

• The Brick glides over Marius’s childhood in a few sentences, so I appreciate there is a difficulty in finding incidents to fill the Pontmercy sections in these early episodes.  TOO BAD.  You decided to merge the timelines, Davies; it was self-evident that this was going to be the major problem with that approach when you did it.  THIS IS THE LIFE YOU HAVE CHOSEN.  Go over the novel with a fine-toothed comb or make some shit up, but it was your responsibility to  fill this gap somehow.

Killing off Georges Pontmercy ten years early is not a solution.

a) You gave us Hot Sad Dad Pontmercy and then tore him away from us two episodes before you needed to.  HOW DARE.

b) The Marius timeline in the Brick makes sense.  His father dies, he finds out Georges loved him from Mabeuf, he starts researching his dad and Napoleon and grows estranged from his grandfather, Gillenormand kicks him out of the house, he meets Bossuet and Courfeyrac.  Marius’s internal growth, the timeline and the plot all work together as a cohesive whole.  Fuck knows how any of that is going to work out now.

c) Marius is still going to be a child next week, so killing off Georges didn’t even solve the problem, it just postponed it for the space of a single episode.

d) The gap wouldn’t even have been that hard to fill!  Georges could have fought with the prosecutor about his decoration and spied on Marius at church or something.  It would have given us a chance to meet Mabeuf properly.  Fuck this bullshit so much.

• This is a minor thing, but there should be women at Gillenormand’s table.  Ancien Régime salon culture was run by women; the exclusion of women from male political and social life in France was a nineteenth century invention.  The Brick is very clear about this – Gillenormand generally hangs around with Baroness T.  History has enough sexism in it already.  There’s no need to invent more.

• I have no objections to Valjean firing Fantine in person, but the toy bird introduces a pretty serious flaw in Victurnien’s “She’s a callous whore who doesn’t care about her child” case, one you’d think Valjean might notice.  There’s no reason for it even to appear in that scene!  Have the Tories cut the BBC’s budget so much they can’t afford script editors?

• Gosh those are some bright, white street lamps they have in Montreuil.  I wonder what sort of oil burns with such a constant flame?

• If Davies wanted to dissociate his adaptation from the musical, a good first step might have been to spend much less time with the campy tooth and wig guy.  Fantine’s plot arc was actually fairly good up until that point, but after that it really did devolve into misery porn.

• Oyelowovert has a very pretty face.  What he does not have is any coherent motivation for his behavior in this episode.

Javert’s plotline was such a fucking disaster in this that I gave it its own post.

• If Davies insists on doing this stupid Arras entrapment plot, the least he could do is give us a Robert and a Genflou to make up for it.  Well, we got a Robert but not a Genflou, and I’m mad.

This episode was a mix of the sublime and the grotesque, and therefore, in a certain sense, truly worthy of Victor Hugo.  But Gavroche is going to have a lot of work to do at the barricade to make up for this mess.

[miscellaneous-oxy]

rambling: wok of love, ep1-8

Here’s the thing.  I have just finished watching the 8th episode for the second time, and I am so pleased and excited in terms of the plot development but totally distracted by Seo Poong’s sexiness – he looked so good, excessively good in that black shirt: I’m confused.  So, I’m just going to ramble tonight.  Yes, this is my excuse for being rather aggressive in this post.  Please beware.  This might be unsettling and even displeasing to some, but I just have to let it out for the peace of my mind.  Before watching tonight’s episodes, and reading some of the reactions to them, I was planning on posting a follow-up to my SP analysis, but now it seems impossible for me to be as efficient and persuasive as I aim to be.  I guess I need to set it aside for a bit till I’m calmer.

I had been a bit concerned about the delay in the development of love line between SP and SW because so many people seemed to have been shipping CS and SW already from the beginning – no, actually, they were doing it even before the drama started.  I was also wondering why some people are so willing to dismiss all signs of SP’s characterisation and consequently choosing to believe that the OTP is (or should be) the CS-SW pair, as if SP did not deserve SW.  (By the way, believe it or not, I myself is actually open on this matter.  I don’t mind whichever or no character is chosen by SW in the end, as long as the character developments through the love lines are substantial and her final choice a valid one.  Furthermore, to be honest, I must admit I would most likely find the SP-CS pairing at the end of the story more amusing.)  

I’ve read online more than a couple of viewers complaining the non-likability of SP’s character, mainly because of his arrogance.  Some of them don’t even forget to add that another actor would be likable in whatever kind of character he may be playing, however arrogant, implying that Junho could be the one to blame for making the character unlikable. (Absurd!)  First of all, as it happens, and I’m sure everybody who has watched more than a couple of dramas or read a dozen stories is perfectly aware, that the leading character is often supposed to be arrogant at the beginning, for that gives him the necessary room for improvement.  Second, and this is essentially my point that I have been discussing in my previous post, SP’s show of arrogance is otherwise a manifestation of his vulnerability: His arrogance is even given a premise for the viewers to be sympathetic towards him.  He needs to be arrogant to keep on going with his life: Arrogance is his armour.  It’s his way of dealing with his crushed identity.  Indeed, it may be an immature course to take, but that’s the very reason he needs to grow up in the story.  Having his self-esteem brutally impaired by SDH, he needed to find something he can hold on to. When he felt his whole being – his past, his present profession, and his future plan – totally denied, he had nothing left but what he can do – to cook delicious dishes.  He needs to feel accepted in the world again, and the only place where he could get the recognition and appreciation that he needed had been The Finishing Touch.  The vulnerability in his eyes is the key to understand this character.  Once you see his weakness, it’s impossible not to root for him, if not love him yet.  Those people who feel distant or indifferent to SP seem to be missing out on the details that show the depth of his emotions, quite possibly because they are so focused elsewhere.  (And I know it’s quite easy to fall into that trap.)

Some more viewers persist that, while admitting SP would be the writer’s preferred choice for SW, they do not understand why SP was so suddenly interested in SW at the end of the 8th episode.  This, to me, seems to show that there’s this really firm preconceived refusal to accept SP as a leading character.  They are tenaciously ignoring the detailed portrayal of SP, and the lack of understanding in his character thereof leads to a further undermining of the significance of SP’s behaviours.  What a spiral.  I do realise that this may be the case of either the character is portrayed poorly –script-wise, direction-wise, or acting-wise, or, simply the viewers are blind to see the subtleties that are composing the character.  Most viewers who claim SP’s sudden interest in SW to be incomprehensible also mention that SP’s character is difficult to sympathise with.  Obviously, they are entitled to their own opinion and all, but that does not make them entitled to degrade other characters.  It is really frustrating to see some viewers boasting their views as the only sensible ones, just because they have no idea that they may be blinded by their love for their bias or by some preconceived notions that have derived from that love.  How can anyone miss all those signs that indicate SP is yet to learn that his feelings towards SDH might not have been true love but a sense of obligation that had been grown out of youthful infatuation and his mentor’s death?  Of course, both young SP and SDH must have believed that they were in love, but they did not succeed in cultivating the true thing.

Furthermore, there were so many signs, from the first episode, that point SW as a trigger for SP’s character development and even as the answer to his quest (and questions; here, I’m thinking about George’s question mark in A Room with a View).  Remember how SP was repeating every other things SW chatted away?  SW was literally giving keys and answers to SP’s question: Is the love between SP and SDH true?  SP’s interest in SW is already there, even though he tries to act indifferently.  He notices SW in a crowded dining hall, remembers SW’s words and needs, feels compassion, and even identifies with her hunger and despair.  It’s not sudden but a gradual process.  He is certainly a bit slow to notice his own feelings; which is made a contrast with CS’s instant crush on SW, but that is the whole point of his story.  SP is going to learn the deficiencies in his character and his life through his interactions with the new people around him. He will learn the true meaning of humility, friendship, and love.  Therefore, the development in SP-SW love line is sure to make the story so much more profound and entertaining!  

 As much as I enjoy watching those charming scenes between CS and SW (and I really do, as I have been a fan of Jang Hyuk for ever so longer than I’ve been fangirling Junho; I have watched most of his dramas since Thank You, even including the cameos in webdramas solely for his sake), I still maintain that it is SP’s potential emotional journey that gives depth to the story, where CS’s comedy gives the necessary relief from the strain.  That’s the supposed balance of the drama.  It wouldn’t work or it’s not of the writer’s intention if the story focused too much on CS’s character development.  It may be hard for some to accept it, but the writer seems to want Jang Hyuk to play the comic relief to some extent and he took the job.  He admitted when he guested a radio programme that the writer had asked him to play the “entertainment.”  He is doing a perfect job at that, and I can see people rooting for him, but the fact of the matter is, I don’t think we should expect much portrayal of his character development in this particular drama.

One last detail I’d like to defend has to do with how some people are trying to make the possible SP-SW love line sound like an old classic cliché and thus boring. On the other hand, they seem to believe a love story between a gangster and a chaebol daughter as something new and refreshing, but that’s where I can confidently say they are in the wrong.  Frank Capra’s It Happened One Night (1934), the first romantic comedy film to win an Oscar instantly comes to my mind, and a long list of films, dramas, novels and comic books follows.  (I must say there are tons of romance novels and Japanese girls’ mangas, in particular, with a gangster – princess type pairing.)  Of course, Clark Gable is not exactly a gangster in the film, but he sure looks like one – coincidentally, he even has a moustache and suspenders on in this film, and he does fit in the stereotypical pattern.  I mean, it’s basically the classic Beauty and the Beast concept in the first place.  But please do not misunderstand me.  I am not saying that the cliché settings and characters are boring.  At the end of the day, what matters is how the characters themselves are idiosyncratically refreshing and how all the elements are executed in an enjoyable and satisfying way.  Whether it is a fallen chef or a sweet gangster, any character can be a cliché and simultaneously not boring.  The reason I believe they are not watching with clear eyes is how they say SP-SW is a cliché and CS-SW is not.  This is the proof of their biased views.

OK, I think I’m calmed down now.  Hope I can now focus on writing up something more convincing.  Thank you for reading, if any of you have come thus far.  I really appreciate it.

[helshades]

The Brodinsons: Kings of Asgard

Extracted from here for reasons related to practicality.

Quotation 1

“I start in the film as Thor’s younger brother and I think in the manner of all younger brothers I have a greater sense of freedom. I’m not the oldest therefore the parental expectations aren’t as heavy, so it’s like a lot of younger children in sibling groups; I think Loki has a bit more freedom. He’s not going to be King. He knows that. And so he’s freer to… he has less responsibility on his shoulders so he’s freer to have a bit more fun. And I think like everybody at Marvel has been very clear and brilliant about coming into this that Loki just has… they’re both enormously gifted. Thor and Loki are a two-man team and they’re both going to run Asgard when Odin steps down, and Thor has an ability and a physicality and a presence—a physical presence that is… he’s the type of man you follow. You just do. In the same way they used to talk about all the leaders and the captains and the generals that came out of both World Wars that those captains and generals weren’t necessarily elected just in battles. There were certain men who were followed. You know, leaders were born and Thor is that guy. And Loki’s gifts are different in that he is sharper, he’s cleverer, he’s more interested in tactics and strategy. He’s capable of thinking ahead and he enjoys chaos. So he enjoys reacting to chaos and that affects how given that he’s the God of mischief. Mischief is essentially chaos. He likes stoking the fire of chaos and seeing what happens as a result.”

                 — Tom Hiddleston on Loki, 2011 interview by Collider during the production of the first Thor film.

Quotation 2

“Thor is the favoured son, and destined to be heir to the throne of Odin and that kind of rubs Loki the wrong way, but at the same time they’ve had a great experience growing up together. Odin has been a tough but good and fair father to both of them.”

                  — Kevin Feige, quoted in the Art of Thor official book.

Quotation 3

                        ODIN           Do you think he's ready?                         FRIGGA           He thinks he is. He has his          father's confidence.                         ODIN           He'll need his father's wisdom.                         FRIGGA           And his humility?           Odin reacts.          FRIGGA (CONT'D)           Thor won't be alone. Loki will be          at his side to give him counsel.          Have faith in your sons.  

                — Deleted scene from Thor, to be read in the original script.

“Thor and Loki are a two-man team and they’re both going to run Asgard when Odin steps down”

“Thor won’t be alone. Loki will be at his side to give him counsel.”

I don’t think it has been pointed out enough that Odin and Frigga had always intended to have both of their sons rule Asgard, and that Thor and Loki themselves have long been a rather efficient team. Here’s to hoping they’ll get the occasion to be one again. (Before one stabs the other and runs away with the silverware, of course.)

star-sought-light:

I agree with everything you say. I was also reminded of the scene where Frigga *gives* Loki the throne; clearly, she thought him capable of being king, even when Loki initially refused, and it does feel like a further piece of evidence that both were loved and both considered equally capable of rule. Although why Thor over Loki, when they admit Thor wasn't ready?

The last question was just a criticism of them, but I haven't enough characters to express that. It seemed to make sense with the original script that Odin meant for Loki to rule Jotunheim, but - without that scene - makes little sense, as they're picking the seeming less capable child to rule over the capable one.

Quotation 4

“It's been in the works for many years, right, since we finished Dark World. What has Loki been doing on that throne in guise of Odin? And we always liked the idea that he was doing a good job! He was doing a good, but shortsighted job. The trains were running on time, but he wasn't paying attention to anything else going on in the universe or in the realms.”

                — Kevin Feige, interviewed by CinemaBlend shortly before the release of Thor: Ragnarök.

We have often discussed between us the fact that Loki is much more like Odin than many, including himself, would like to think; something that Taika Waititi had Hela comment upon in Ragnarök, in fact: ‘You sound like him’. No matter their differences, Loki was very much Odin’s son. He inherited the sharp wit and calculating mind of both his adoptive parents, in reality, whereas Thor had his father’s hubris but his mother’s heart. On the other hand, Thor is clever, much cleverer than everyone usually give him credit for, while Loki is somewhat less of the strategical mastermind than too many people have decided he had to be... After all, Loki makes up a lot of it as he goes along, and he lacks self-perception to a ludicrous extent—he lacks wisdom, probably because he lacks the humility and empathy necessary for change, and wisdom requires the capacity for change, like Thor, on the contrary, demonstrated in learning from his mistakes.

I’m not entirely sure this was the entire reason for Odin and Frigga choosing Thor over Loki for occupying the throne of Asgard, though; I would say the main reason for this was, quite plainly, the reality of Loki’s birth first and foremost. Not that it make him unworthy, but it seems highly likely that his true parentage would have eventually caused some turmoil within the realm... This is not the only thing, either.

Thor isn’t only an Asgardian citizen nor even an Asgardian prince; he is of the line of Odin, the line of Borr and of Búri (the former appearing in the prologue of The Dark World, the latter cited in behind-the-scenes material as the king who had the oldest part of Asgard built) before them. He descends from the founders of Asgard, you see, and, like his father Odin and his older sister Hela, Thor derives most of his power from the very people of Asgard. There is much to speculate here, but it would be hard not to state right away that the kings of Asgard are almost one with their people, and that in order for Asgard to prosper, a king of the line of Búri must occupy the throne. Which is not to say that Loki or someone else couldn’t be king, only that he would probably lack in power and oversight somewhat.

Remember that Thor, prior to Ragnarök, had visions of Asgard’s impending doom, whereas Loki saw nothing—and when warned about them under Odin’s guise he dismissed them as ‘just a silly dream... signs of an overactive imagination’. The Odinforce was never cited in the Marvel Cinematic Universe but it is very tempting indeed to assume that Thor, has inherited more from his mighty father than a throne.

          FRIGGA (CONT'D)           Thor won't be alone. Loki will be          at his side to give him counsel.          Have faith in your sons.                         ODIN           Yes, but Thor's still a boy. He          could be a great King...           Odin stops, notices HIS HAND SHAKING. It seems to be out of          synch temporally with the rest of the world, leaving a trail          as it moves. He stares at it determinedly, concentrating,          trying to stop the strange event through the force of his          sheer will.          Finally, the occurrence subsides, his hand normal once more.          A worried Frigga covers his hand with her own.          ODIN (CONT'D)                         (QUIETLY)           ...if we only had more time.                         FRIGGA           For once, our son needs something          we cannot provide.                         ODIN           I can fight it a little longer...                         FRIGGA           No. You've put it off too long! I          worry for you.           He touches her cheek.                          ODIN           I've destroyed demons and monsters,          devastated whole worlds, laid waste          to mighty kingdoms, and still you          worry for me?                         FRIGGA           Always.  

                         LOKI           It all makes sense now. Why you          favored Thor all these years.                         ODIN           Listen...                         LOKI           Because no matter how much you          claim to "love" me, you could never          have a Frost Giant sitting on the          Throne of Asgard!           Odin's body begins to shake, he lifts his hand. It starts to          move out of synch temporarily, leaving a trail, the effect of          the Odinsleep approaching. Loki doesn't notice as Odin tries          to fight it off.                         ODIN           Listen to me!           Loki strides away towards the exit.          ODIN (CONT'D)           Loki!           Odin starts towards him, when the enormous mental, emotional,          and physical strain of recent events finally takes its toll.          The effect of the Odinsleep consumes him. His entire body          now moves out of sync with the rest of the world, leaving          trails behind him as he staggers backwards.          Odin falls back against a wall, his face contorting in a          scream. He collapses to the stone floor.          Loki, shocked, hurries to him. He takes Odin in his arms,          calls out.                         LOKI           Guards!  

Inattentive people have made fun of Odin’s ‘convenient Odinsleep’ for a long time, but the truth is, Odin had been putting off this indispensable regeneration of his physical faculties, which he underwent once a year, for too long prior to the events of Thor, precisely because he sensed grave developments in the near future and wanted to be able to control whatever Thor wouldn’t know how. Of course, we know that Odin had been doing all he could to push back the inexorable advent of Ragnarök... and it seems more and more likely that he might have cheated death for quite a long time, in all likelihood using the Odinsleep, in the knowledge that as long as he kept alive, Hela’s reign of terror would be kept at bay. At the very least, he would be affording time for his sons to grow up, and especially for Thor to grow strong enough to, maybe, with hope, go against his sister one day.

          61 INT. ODIN'S CHAMBERS - DAY 61          Frigga sits at her husband's bedside, holding his hand. Odin          lies there—looking pale and lifeless, his body and the          space around it warped from the effect of the Odinsleep. The          walls of the chamber have moved close around him, protecting          him like a dark crypt, sealing off any daylight.          Loki sits at Odin's side, across from Frigga. She speaks          softly to him.                         FRIGGA           I asked him to be honest with you          from the beginning. There should          be no secrets in a family.                         LOKI           So why did he lie?                         FRIGGA           He kept the truth from you so that          you would never feel different.          You are in every way our son, Loki,          and we your family. You must know          that.           Loki takes this in, stares at Odin.          FRIGGA (CONT'D)                         (RE: ODIN)           You can speak to him. He can see          and hear us, even now.                         LOKI           How long will it last?                         FRIGGA           I don't know. This time is          different. We were unprepared.                         LOKI           I never get used to seeing him like          this. The most powerful being in          the Nine Realms lying helpless          until his body is restored.                         FRIGGA           But he's put it off for so long          now, I fear...

Once again, I’m also left wondering whether Loki wasn’t actually the son of the same mother who gave birth to Hela—we could call her Fárbauti, since there was one in the comics and since, like in the comics, the mythological mother of Loki, Laufey, was turned into a male in Marvel lore; or Angrboða, the mother of Hel in the myths. Note that if this were true, it would give Odin an acutely realistic reason for hiding the truth of his birth from Loki, in spite of his wife’s preference for telling him from the beginning. If Asgard’s bloodier past must be obfuscated, and Hela’s very existence forgotten by all, any mention of Loki’s dangerous lineage would have required similar secrecy.

It may also be, in the same vein, that Odin was well aware of Loki’s instability, be it linked to his true parentage or not, and wished him away from absolute power. Indeed, Thor himself wasn’t that much readier for kingship, but he was a hot head more than anything, whereas Loki’s ‘mischief’ evidently always had crueller undertones. Where power is concerned, he thoroughly needed his mother’s talents for appeasement. Probably, a lot like Odin did.

(Stripped of everything, Thor is a good man. Loki is not.)

[hansoloschubbybrother]

The Last Jedi

In light of such split opinion among the fan base, here are my (extremely lengthy) thoughts on Star Wars: The Last Jedi.  It obviously contains spoilers, so do not read past the cut if you don’t want to know what happens in the film.

Put simply, I thought The Last Jedi was great.  As always, after watching it for the first time, I came out thinking it was absolutely amazing but after some time to think and in this case, a second watch, I have been able to collect my thoughts about what I both liked and disliked.

The first thing that strikes me is that many of the fans who seem to dislike the film are those who have either enjoyed the expanded universe (now legends) stories or are the type to spend time between movies speculating on character back stories and lineage, etc.  Despite being a massive Star Wars fan, I am neither of those things and I think this has maybe allowed me to enjoy the film more.  I did not go into the film having already enjoyed other versions of the events after ROTJ and I haven’t invested much time getting excited about a specific hope for any character’s story arc.  I have generally been patient and waited to see what Rian Johnson and Disney came up with.

I will go through each of the main characters and give my opinion on their story arc in the film and then go through some other things that I both liked and disliked.

First up is Snoke.  Introducing someone so powerful with the force was bound to bring speculation as to who he is and what his connection is to the characters from the original trilogy.  His minimal screen time in TFA, also suggested he was going to be the new Palpatine and become the big bad guy as the new trilogy developed.  So, killing him off mid-way through TLJ was a big shock, especially to anyone who enjoyed the prospect of what he might become.  I can see why they would be disappointed but, whilst I was shocked that they killed him off, I was actually pleased.  For me, Snoke was Palpatine 2.0.  Initially mysterious, disfigured, powerful with the force, and basically Palpatine without the cloak.  Snoke was a comfortable fit for a Star Wars film.  He is one of the reasons TFA felt so much like a true Star Wars film.  It hit all the right tropes that were needed to make fans feel nostalgic and fall back in love with Star Wars again.  I suspect fans of Snoke were disappointed that Johnson wasn’t happy to let his character play out as everyone expected and have some big face off at the end of episode 9.  This would have been comfortable and felt very Star Wars but killing him off so soon made things uncomfortable and left you uncertain as to who the main bad guy is.  This uncertainty was a plus for me, rather than a disappointment.

The identity of Rey’s parents has been much debated over the last two years.  To have them revealed as nobodies, probably left a big hole for those excited by the idea that she is a Kenobi or a Skywalker, etc.  Again, as with Snoke, I enjoyed the fact that Johnson wasn’t happy to just go with the obvious and choose parents that would make everyone feel warm and fuzzy and make things fall easily into place.  Coming from nothing to be a hero was a key theme of the original trilogy, so making Rey a nobody is still very much in keeping with what Star Wars is about.  I would also add that, when Kylo Ren said this, he had every reason to tell her what he thought she needed to hear in order to make her join him and, therefore, every reason to lie if she is in fact a Skywalker or a Kenobi or whatever.  Johnson spent quite a lot of time on the issue of Rey’s parents when she was on Ahch-To in the hall of mirrors thing and in discussions with Kylo Ren.  I wouldn’t be at all surprised if her real parents become a big reveal in episode 9.  As for the rest of her story arc, I really enjoyed the connection with Kylo Ren and how their uncertainty about the force and about the dark and light sides was a reflection of each other but from opposite sides and gave them a reason to feel close to each other.

This brings me neatly on to Kylo Ren.  Kylo Ren was my favourite character introduced in TFA.  Many people thought he was a poor man’s Darth Vader then and are still saying that he’s no Darth Vader after this film.  I thought it was great when Snoke said that he was no Darth Vader in TLJ.  A nod to the fact that they don’t want him to be just another Darth Vader. I don’t really understand why people seem to want the old characters rehashed just with new names and different outfits.  I liked the fact that Kylo Ren was an unhinged, conflicted brat in TFA.  It would have been easy to switch off the unhinged brat from TFA and make him a straight down the line bad guy in TLJ, but Johnson continued his trend of not wanting to fall into easy Star Wars tropes of good and evil and continued the development of the character.  The fact that he isn’t just able to choose a side easily and be totally comfortable with it is everything that Anakin’s switch to the dark side in ROTS wasn’t.  I hated the fact that Anakin was so easily turned to the dark side in ROTS.  It should have been the main thread of that film but it actually took just a couple of minutes after one conversation with Palpatine.

The one disappointment that I can get on board with, is the non-appearance of the Knights of Ren.  With Kylo Ren having been identified as the Master of the Knights of Ren and with them shown in Rey’s flashes when she picked up Luke’s lightsabre in TFA, you understand that they are a significant part of Kylo Ren’s story.  I was very much looking forward to them being introduced in some way in TLJ.  The fact they there weren’t was disappointing but didn’t impact my enjoyment of the film.  It was interesting that the identity of the other Knights was suggested to be a few of the other trainee Jedi at Luke’s academy.  The fact that this information was included gives me hope that they might still make an appearance in episode 9.

Luke’s story arc in the film seems to have caused the most derision.  Someone who was once a hero across the galaxy but ended up being responsible for the creation of Kylo Ren and subsequently the breakup of his sister’s marriage to his best friend, is bound to have issues.  TFA was built around this premise.  Luke hid himself away out of the shame he felt.  If the appearance of a complete stranger was enough to make him forget all about that and suddenly become the hero of the original trilogy, it would dismiss the story they created for him just to ensure he is exactly the same Luke that everyone loved in the original trilogy.  Having Luke be the man TFA created was by the far the best way to take his character.  Having the man, who once represented everything good about the force and the Jedi Knights, question his faith made for a far more interesting story arc.  I also enjoyed immensely how first Chewbacca, then Leia’s old recording to Obi-wan and finally Yoda were gradually able to bring back the hero from the original trilogy.  I have read people describe Luke as a coward in TLJ.  I don’t see that at all.  I see a damaged man finally return to the man he once was and save the day at the end of the film.  He then joins his Jedi brothers in a moving scene as his tune plays with twin moons setting in the background.  I thought it was a fitting end.  Some people have also said that Luke would never think about killing Ben Solo as he was the man who saw the good in Darth Vader.  I don’t agree with this analysis either.  Realising that a good man is losing control and turning to the dark side is the opposite side of the same coin to seeing the tiniest of light in a bad man. Luke knew what Ben Solo would become if he continued down the path he was on and it would be a perfectly natural reaction to think about killing him for the greater good for a fleeting moment.  The one element that I didn’t enjoy about Luke was some of the comedy they added.  Tossing the lightsabre at the beginning seemed to cheapen a poignant moment and I’m not sure milking the alien cow was necessary but these are possibly the kind of moments that children enjoy.

As for Leia, her story arc was pretty much as expected, although it did provide the worst bit of the film for me.  After being thrown into the vacuum of space and suddenly waking up, using the force to get back to the ship was pretty awful.  In light of her sad passing, it was an opportunity to end her story there. I can see why they didn’t though, as it wouldn’t have been much of a send-off.  I just wish they had left it with Kylo Ren unable to shoot her so that we didn’t have to have that bit.  They have confirmed that they will not use a CGI Leia in episode 9, so it will be interesting to see how they explain her absence in the next film.

On first viewing, I thought Finn’s story was a bit of a waste of time.  I wish they could have found a better, more integral way of getting him, and the enjoyable new characters Rose and DJ, on to Snoke’s ship. I did however, enjoy their story once they were on the ship and especially Finn’s fight with Captain Phasma. On second viewing, one aspect of their story that didn’t really sink in first time round was how it wanted Finn to question if there was a difference what side he was on.  Having defected from the First Order, this was a very important aspect of Finn’s character but his arc in TLJ, whilst obviously ending up on the right side, was better second time around as I was better able to appreciate the whole no side is the right side in a war narrative.

As for the rest of the character’s, Poe was great at the start and the end but was a little meh through the middle and, whilst I’m kind of glad they made Hux a bit of a joke, his character remains as pointless as it was in TFA.

This film introduced several new ways in which the force was used.  Snoke connected Rey and Kylo Ren and Luke was able to project himself from Ahch-To all the way across the galaxy without anyone knowing he wasn’t actually there.  Some viewers bemoan such changes in the way we know how the force can be used but when we were kids and the force went from a choking device to a mind trick to being able to guide your actions without seeing, etc we never cared that there wasn’t some additional explanation as to how they can actually do that when they couldn’t before.  We just accepted it and it laid the foundation for what we believe a Jedi/Sith can do now. With these things, I think we just have to go with the flow and let our inner child accept it rather than our adult mind demand an explanation.

As for the overall story, it was a little odd that the First Order decided to wait for the Resistance fleet to run out of fuel rather than just call on more of their huge fleet of ships to help obliterate them but these are the kind of things you have to look past to enjoy any movie like this.  Just like BB-8 driving the AT-ST.  A little unfeasible but kids probably loved that bit.  I particularly liked how the story left the Resistance in such a dire situation.  Throughout the other Star Wars films, despite the Empire/First Order supposedly being this huge super power, the Rebels/Resistance never feel like their existence is truly threatened.  Not so much anymore.  The end shot of a just a handful of rebels left to carry the fight gave a real David and Goliath feel.  It means that the starting point of episode 9 is a slightly different one to any of the other films.

In summary, despite a few niggling issues with the story of some of the characters and some of the comedy feeling a little forced (no pun intended), I thoroughly enjoyed The Last Jedi, especially for the way it was prepared to break with what would feel comfortable or obvious.  By choosing not to fall into easy Star Wars character tropes and throw away some of the groundwork laid by a very nostalgic The Force Awakens, I felt Rian Johnson created the Star Wars film that was needed to ensure the new trilogy actually adds something different to the series.

[isitandwonder]

The Female Gaze

I think, in the end, it was about the women, not the gay. I think the groundbreaking new thing BBC Sherlock wanted to do was to strengthen and re-evaluate the role of women in Sherlock Holmes adaptions. But that went horribly wrong.

Mofftiss always said they wanted to right something with their adaption that everybody else did get wrong. Well, what could that have been, as Holmes has even been portrayed as a mice? We all hoped for Johnlock… as this has been a reading of the canon especially appreciated by female/queer fans, because it takes into account a somewhat different interpretation from the cis white het male reading. Sherlock Holmes is somewhat ideal as a character to captify female readers - as he retorts to thinking and talking and not to violence in the first place to solve a problem, which are classic female strategies. Holmes mostly employs his brain and not his fists - which sets him apart from most male action / crime solving heros in a way women can relate to (but remember Gatiss’s poem, advocating a more physical Holmes? Making him into a cis white male het hero…?) 

But as S4 clearly showed us that Johnlock wasn’t the goal - what else could have been the new, groundbreaking thing everybody had gotten wrong before?

Especially around TAB, but also before, Mofftiss talked excessively about the role of women in Sherlock Holmes adaptions; that the Zeitgeist when the stories had been written didn’t allow for many strong female characters. TAB was sold as a story about strong women and their empowerment - which sparked anger, because the women were portrayed as murderous furies. I’ll return to this later. The point here is that there were even panels at Sherlocked in 2016 harping on “Women in Sherlock”, emphasising their importance.

So, I think what Mofftiss felt necessary for a modern adaptation was to strengthen the role of female characters. Only, the brave thing then would have been to make Holmes and Watson both female. Which Mofftiss didn’t.

This got very long and is therefore continued under the cut.

As Mofftiss said themselves, instead they played heavily with the longstanding homoeritoc interpretation of the stories (feminising Sherlock and Watson?) - which appealed to gay and female and gay female fans. And, surpirse, surprise, they dig this; not the allegedly new / stronger female characters. But it was just a joke to the writer - whereas they were serious witht heir female characters like Moll yor Mary or Eurus. I think this misunderstanding of what the fans and the writers wanted respectively led to the train wreck of S4 (think about the Mary feature for the cinema screenings, for example, much hated around here!)

There is a great post going around about the male gaze in Sherlock. I’m sure every female person has been subjected to this sort of male gaze. Subjected, not enjoyed it. And that was one mistake. Mofftiss might not have seen what their characters were actually doing, how they were looking at each other - because they are male writers. To them, such a gaze is the normal look on the world. But not for female persons. For them, such a look is sexually charged. Mostly derogatory, or at least predatory. If a man looks at a women like Sherlock looks at John or vice versa, it’s a look of lusting after. Women / female persons see and know that, because we have to identify and interpret this look over and over in out lives to stay save. Men haven’t. For them, such looks might even be nothing special. But it is. This is one example where men and women read their reality differently. Therefore, female fans interpreted these glances in a sexual way, what Mofftiss couldn’t understand. They thought we were hypersexualising their show, because they are not accustomed to interpret such looks as the female fans are.

Therefore, they had no idea why so many (het) female fans read so much Johnlock into their show, as they just wanted to play with it a bit as a homage to Billy Wilder. This bafflement formed an unholy alliance with Mark Gatiss’s hate for fag hags, an ugly word for (het) females fantasising about gay men. He hates and mocks those women since League of Gentlemen days. He never tried to understand why women might have this kink in the first place. Gatiss seems to see those proclivities as perverted as many women see lesbian scenes in het porn. But there’s a difference.

Het porn is mostly made by and for men. The f/f scenes in it are almost always foreplay. Two women get it on, but a soon as a man enters, they go down on him. It feeds the idea that lesbian sex is just something women resort to when no man is around - otherwise they would, of course, go for the ‘real thing’ - an opinion that fuells the idea that lesbians just haven’t met the right man yet etc. In short, this opinion states that lesbian sex is not real sex. This is, of course, a derogatory view.

And totally not the same as (het)  women enjoying gay porn! First, gay male porn is taken seriously as a sex act between two men. I’ve never seen it as interpretated as foreplay for f/m action. Never have I seen two guys making out, then a female enters and they are suddenly all over her. Male gay sex actions stays just this: only guys getting it on. And women watching can do this like “Well, two (3, 4, 5 …) dicks are better than one”, but they can also feel save while doing so: No woman will be subjected to anything in male gay porn. There’s no female character to compare oneself to and be found lacking in looks etc. There’s no violence against women in these movies, no abuse, no reducing them to their sexual organs, no exploitation of female sexuality. Women can just sit back and enjoy male gay porn without feeling involved. And some women like it, because, as with the male gaze, male sexual attention towards females can be predatory, violent, looking for a conquest etc. And some (het) women just don’t like that. So they escape to gay porn, where they might even identify with the taking side.

This is not necessarily deranged fetishising of gay m/m sex. Women have a sex drive as well, get over it, Mr Gatiss. Everyone sins differently, so, please, no kinkshaming. It can be a confident expression of female sexual desires. Only, female sexuality somewhat seems to scare men.

Paired with this misreading of women enjoying gay porn as a fag hag fetish was the idea that the female fans who shipped johnlock are mostly teenage girls/virgins - and this seems apparently not the target group those writers want to be admired by. But honestly - can a 14-year old virgin write something like The Cold Song? A Cure For Boredom? PiaLR? That’s not to say that young girls shouldn’t write fanfic - on the contrary, they should, to explore their sexual identity and proclivities in a save space. But I’m quite sure that most of this fandom’s best writers are the other side of 20, 30 and even 40 or 50. Because it needs experience to write really engaging sex scenes. Experiences I hope 14 year old girls simply don’t have yet. So, here’s another misunderstanding / misconception the writers have about this fandom (and they are not very eager to correct it, despite Moffat’s somewhat encouraging words towards fanfic writers. In the end, they can’ tget over themselves, it seems).

But somehow mature, sexually confident, intelligent women seem to frighten Mofftiss, despite their idea of  giving women more room in a Sherlock adaptation. Why? Because mature, confident, feminist women KNOW that two men simply can’t strengthen and enhance female characters like they deserve it. Mofftiss knew that they couldn’t live up to feminist expectations, so they dismissed it outright, while even gaslighting female fans by ‘Look, we gave you great female characters, stop complaining!’ (And don’t get involved with  this perverse thing called johnlock either).

Look at how Mofftiss have done this:

Molly is a het woman, constantly humiliated by Sherlock, yet still pining for him. She was the first new character invented by Mofftiss for their show. But not as a strong character, only as a female character. Even when she finally emancipates herself, she chooses a boyfriend ridiculously looking like Sherlock. That at least earns her a condescending kiss from the object of her desire. Bah! And when under stress, because Sherlock is shooting up and her engagement is over, she is only allowed to turn to the male form of stress relieve - violence. She slaps Sherlock! Why does she not talk to him, offer help, involve their friends? Because that would be the female approach, but that is unfathomable to the male writers.

Same with Irene (in canon a  confident artist who wants to get married, not in the slightest interested in Holmes). In the BBC version, she becomes a lesbian (see above re: the value of lesbian sexuality) = has not yet met the right man (Sherlock). This is awful, becoming straight for Sherlock! I don’t mind the naked scene in her house so much, though. It’s not overtly sexualised, but can be read as self-confident and sexually assured. But I hate the wardrobe scene. Lara Pulver looks great in that green negligee and suspenders - but why was this scene necessary if not to charge the show hetero sexuall?. In the DVD comments, Mofftiss joke around that loads of people (men) suddenly hung around the set while this scene was filmed - to gaze at Lara Pulver in underwear. That is not funny, that is sexism! That is not a joke. She was displayed as a sexual object - not for herself or character growth, but for the pleasure of others. She was reduced to a sexual object for the male gaze, despite her character being a self-professed lesbian. Arghhh!

Mrs Hudson, on the other hand, is the devoted mother hen - another cliche. Only, in S4, she gets warped - again, like a man would want it, by having her drive an Aston Martin (cars=dicks). But it’s not even hers - she got it from her husband. She didn’t run a cartel, she was just typing… Giving her a fast car is not empowerment! Empowerment would have been to tell her tenants to brew their own tea!

Or look at Sally Donovan - the only WoC on the show apart from Hooper, who’s Asian (why are there no muslim women, disabled women etc on the show btw? Why is the female empowerment almost exclusively done via white women?): She calls Sherlock a freak, has an affair with a married man, who is an idiot, is sexually insulted by Sherlock for that in front of her collegues, and, in the end, is presented as a traitor, engaging in Sherlock’s downfall. Whereas Anderson is kind of redeemed later in MHR and TEH - nothing like this is waiting for Sally.

Or look at all of John’s girlfriends! Presented as jealous of Sherlock, helpless (Sarah), frustrated (Jeanette), some described as ugly (the one with the nose, the one with the spots). All of them are left by John for Sherlock the minute Sherlock asks him - now, imagine being one of those women. Would you like that? John treats those women like shit, not with respect.

I’m not going into the Mary story here, enough has been said about her. But just imagine for a moment being married to a closeted gay/bi man, secretly pining for his best friend… John treated Mary not much differently as Sherlock treated Janine.

Speaking of Janine! She’s befriended by Mary to get to Magnussen, courted by Sherlock for the same purpose, abused by her employer… only to get dropped by her fiance and dragged by the yellow press. The last thing is presented as her revenge - but at what cost? Picturing her as some kind of tabloid whore, as Sherlock says. What kind of treatment for a female character is this? Why again reduce her to a sex object?

Even Lady Smallwood is not allowed to be a strong independent woman - she is shown chatting up Mycroft!

Or Vivian Norbury! The old, lonely cat lady, still clinging to her dead husband.

And Eurus? Both Holmes brothers can channel their intelligence and use it for something good - but not the sister. No, as any female person, she just wants male attention and goes mad because she’s just too smart for her own good… seriously?!

I could go on and on… but I think you get the message. Mofftiss wrote female characters into the show and thought that would be enough to modernise the gender issue in the Holmes’s stories. But Mofftiss are not able to write strong, empowering female characters because they are men. They live in a men’s world (remember Hooper, who had to become a man to be successful?). That means, for example, that they reduce women to their sexuality, and advocate they resolve problems with violence, like the women in TAB. Think about it… why did they not just leave their husbands and settle somewhere in the country, together, supporting themselves with needlework? Well, that doesn’t sound very exciting, does it, but it was the female way back in Victorian times. You could leave your husband and seperate. Or you could poison him - but not shoot or stab him. 

There’s a sad truth to poison being a woman’s weapon - because usually, a man is stronger in hands on combat. Therefore, a man who beats his wife to death is usually just sentenced for manslaughter - it happened at the spur of the moment, no killing intended. But a woman who wants to get rid of her abuser has to do this when he sleeps, for example, or via poison or drugs, to be able to overpower him. This is mostly seen as cunning by the courts, which is a feature proving murder. A woman freeing herself from an abuser is seen as guilty of premeditation (= another feature of murder), whereas a man who beats his wife over many years unitl she dies from his abuse is exculpated exactly by this prolonged abuse, because he couldn’t expect the wife to die from his violence - as she lived through it for many years.

Sorry, but this is where the male gaze leads us - to a world made up and after male standards. But applying those standards to women is not empowering - it is still subjecting them to the male prerogative.

And many feminist fans see this (now) and ask why this happened. They criticise the male writers for this. Who kind of pout now, feeling perhaps misunderstood, as they wanted to give us strong female characters in a modern version on Sherlock Holmes and believed they succeeded with Eurus, Molly and Mary, even giving her the last word. And they don’t understand why we we don’t like it. Instead, all we wanted seems to have been gay porn! (Honestly, if we want to see dudes fuck, we know exactly where we can get that, Mofftiss). 

They can’t come around to our view of what is and has been going on. They can’t see us the way we are, because they have a totally different perspective and no inclination to change that. They think our criticism is juvenile, that we are ungrateful - as if the very idea of a largely (queer) female fanbase being grateful towards male showrunners isn’t fucked up to the extreme!

As I said at the beginning - if they wanted a Sherlock Holmes adaption that empowers women - make Holmes and Watson female. If you don’t want to go there - leave them as they are, together. No women are needed - especially not like Mofftiss wrote them. Explore Holmes and Watson’s friendship, and see where it takes you… Johnlock didn’t come out of nowhere. Holmes isn’t the typical 19th century male - he’s moody, thin, pale, likes music… all then and now characteristics associated with feminity. Perhaps that’s why he has such a broad, devoted female fanbase? Perhaps it would be empowering to allow us our reading and make it canon?

The first step, if you want to give women an empowering modern Sherlock Holmes adaption, is: Take the female fans seriously!

[hiddlesgirl]

SH 204: Day of Wrath

A great episode; it was really well paced and the characters had breathing room for dialogue, it didn’t feel rushed like last week’s did. The scenes felt more drawn out so that you could get into the dialogue without being pulled away into another scene too quickly; I also liked the establishing shots. I loved the Magnus scenes in this episode; I also liked Jace in this episode.

In the first scene Clary visits Jace in the City of Bones; she wants to help him but he sends her away. I liked how genuine this scene felt, Clary wants to help Jace in any way she can because she feels responsible for his imprisonment; he is her brother and wants him to know that she is there for him. However, Jace still has romantic feelings for her which Valentine told him was a result of his demon blood. He feels self loathing because of his feelings for her, he also knows that Valentine will use those feelings against him. He wants to protect Clary and the best way he thinks to do that is to keep distance between them; he feels that he has to go it alone.

We then have a cute Malec scene. Magnus has been reprimanded by Aldertree; Alec thanks Magnus for his presence during his coma. Alec and Magnus discuss their first date when Raj interrupts them to drag Alec away for a demon meeting. I love this scene. I love that Alec tells Magnus that his presence did help him, and thanks him for it; Magnus’ presence is what made him hold on long enough for Jace to get to him. I think that Magnus is slightly taken aback by the admission, but ultimately pleased that he did help Alec despite his feelings of helplessness at the time. Magnus asks how Jace is, slightly stumbling over his words which is unusual for him; I think that Magnus is accepting that he and Jace don’t have to be opposing forces in Alec’s life. They are both important to him in different ways, they both care for Alec and will always be there to help him as was apparent in the last episode. I think that Magnus was wary of Jace to begin with because he knew of Alec’s feelings for Jace but now he is accepting Jace as a part of Alec; they are a package deal in a way.

Alec stutters out, with Magnus’ help, that they haven’t gone on their first date yet; I really love this because even though Alec is becoming more confident dating is still new to him and makes him nervous. As always Magnus is there to help him and suggests portaling to Marrakech; I love the smiles they exchange, they are both excited for their first date. The moment is broken by Raj, Magnus says he looks well and Alec smiles clearly amused. I love this because it means that at some point someone (I’m thinking Izzy) told Alec about how Magnus used his magic on Raj to prevent him from making Magnus leave Alec; and he is clearly amused at the situation.

Alec turns to Magnus with apprehension as he knows that once again their plans will have to be put on hold, he feels nervous that once again his job has got in the way of them spending time together. He doesn’t want to upset Magnus; but Magnus reassures him that he doesn’t hold a grudge and knows that Alec has a job to do. Alec clearly wants to make an effort with Magnus and doesn’t want his job to come between them; Magnus understands as usual, he knows how important Alec’s job is and doesn’t hold his responsibility against him.

Alec and Clary are tracking the demon; I like their back and forth with each other. Even though he gets frustrated with her and her lack of training he is willing to teach and guide her, albeit impatiently. They always play off each other well; I’m glad that Alec’s animosity towards her is dialled down at the moment, now that Jace is back he is thinking more clearly.

Aldertree brings Raphael in for questioning which turns into torture; oh my gosh this scene shocked and slightly horrified me. Aldertree seems completely blasé about the fact that he is torturing the vampire, calling it motivation despite the fear and injury he causes. I loved David’s acting in this scene; you feel the fear Raphael is experiencing and feel horrified on his behalf. You also feel scared at how far the Clave are willing to go to obtain information; if they are willing to use concentrated UV rays on vampires what else are they willing to do?

Luke and Jocelyn discuss her transfer to Idris, Luke decides to go with her. I think the scene is sweet; Luke is so in love and devoted to Jocelyn that he willing to leave his life behind to be with her. However, I feel a bit frustrated with Luke because he has a responsibility to the pack; to protect them and care for them, but he is willing to abandon them to follow Jocelyn. I understand that he loves her and doesn’t want to be parted for her but I also feel that he is letting down the pack by being so readily prepared to leave them.

Raphael turns up on Magnus’ doorstep looking a mess with burnt lines across his face; Magnus is horrified at the sight of him. He gathers him in his arms and tells him he is going to take care of him. You can see the concern on Magnus’ face and feel the care in the way Magnus holds Raphael; I really love that they are bringing their relationship into the show (as I said before I haven’t read the books but I have seen information).

Magnus is healing Raphael with his magic when Raphael asks for his help in turning over Camille. I love that Magnus refers to Raphael as a son to him and you understand why he was so badly injured, this was Magnus’ punishment for help Alec as well as about getting Camille. Raphael knows how hard it will be for Magnus to help them turn Camille over but needs to protect the clan from the Clave.

Simon shows up, also asking Magnus for help with Camille; he sees Raphael and a fight almost breaks out but Magnus stops them. I love this interaction, it’s like a parent stopping siblings from fighting; Downworld Dad Magnus.

Clary and Izzy are in the utility tunnels trying to find the demon which is now inside the institute. It is the first time demon ichor is mentioned (again I know about this via fics and tumblr). Izzy and Clary discuss Clary’s possible move to Idris with her mom; Clary is unsure what she wants to do, her mom lied to her for her whole life. Izzy makes the point that her mom wants to fix the mistakes she made, you can feel the wistful longing in Izzy; Maryse always seems to disapprove of Izzy and you understand why Izzy would long for a mom who wants a relationship with her. Izzy also says that she doesn’t want Clary to go because ‘no one in Idris is going to teach you to fight in 5 inch heels’. I really love their interactions and friendship; Izzy is encouraging Clary to make an effort with her mom but at the same time letting her know that there is a place for her at the institute and she would be missed if she left.

I really love the scene between Simon and Magnus on the balcony. Magnus opens up about why he is so attached to Camille, she was there for him when no one else was and stopped him from committing suicide. It is a very vulnerable moment for Magnus and I love the acting from both Harry and Alberto. Simon comes to understand that Camille is Magnus’ Clary, therefore understanding how hard it is for Magnus to turn her in and let go of her. It also helps us as an audience understand Magnus’ lingering feelings for her. I love that he opened up to Simon, letting him in; he knew that Simon would understand. I really love how their bond is growing and cannot wait to see more of their scenes together.

Jace’s trail has begun and Aldertree is questioning him about his actions with Valentine; he then questions him about his feelings for Clary. It seems a bit strange because it has no real relevance to the trail, the only reason I can think of is that he wants to get under Jace’s skin. I like Dom’s acting in this scene, the way he struggles with his words trying not to answer the questions but the words are forced from him. I love the way they are using the sword, much better than how it was displayed in a chunk of ice in episode 11 of season 1. Jace goes to kill himself with the Soul Sword; it raises our concerns for his continuing decline of his mental state; especially after Valentine reinforcing his lack of self worth.

Clary finds a confused Alec in the hallway with a bloody hand, she discovers Jocelyn’s body. This shocked the hell out of me; I was not expecting them to kill off Jocelyn at all. It will be interesting to see the consequences not just for Clary and Alec, but for Luke and maybe even Valentine who still loved her in his own twisted way.

Magnus had sent Raphael and Simon with a list to Catarina’s, it was just a rouse to get them out of the way before summoning Camille. He uses his magic to imprison her so she cannot escape. He wanted to face Camille alone; he knows that Raphael and Simon despise her. When he tells her that he won’t let Raphael suffer for her deeds she dismisses Raphael as an insubordinate vamp; you can see that it angers Magnus. Camille has sired hundreds of vampires but Magnus cannot have children; his expression tells us that if he could he would love children. The Downworlders he takes under his wing are his children, his family; and he will protect them above everything, even Camille. Camille exploits Magnus’ weakness of fear of loneliness to try to convince him to choose her; she knows exactly what to say to sway him. She has no reservations about manipulating him and his feelings for her to get what she wants. I love Magnus’ line ‘Enjoy Idris, I hear the weather’s a delight’. He creates a portal and sends her to Idris. He cannot watch as the portal takes her because he still has feelings for her, but his children’s safety comes first. I just love this entire scene, Harry is amazing again and I like Kaitlyn too she is very captivating. I really like that we are learning more about Magnus’ past and his relationships with other Downworlders.

The City of Bones is attacked by Valentine who wants the Soul Sword but he also tries to convince Jace to come with him. Hodge helps Jace by pinning Valentine to his cell, but Valentine kills him as Jace takes the Souls Sword from him (another unexpected death). I really like the fight scene between Jace and the two Circle members; the fight scenes are always really good. Jace once again shows his willingness to die when Valentine puts the sword to his throat; I am getting increasingly concerned for Jace and I hope that his feelings are addressed at some point. We get another great fight scene as Valentine leaves with the Soul Sword as Jace saves Aldertree.

The demon has possessed Izzy she attacks Alec who cannot fight back because he doesn’t want to hurt Izzy. Clary stabs her and the demon leaves her body; Clary then kills the demon. She finally lets herself feel the shock of her mother’s death, Simon and Jace walk in at the same time. They both move to comfort her, Jace lets Simon be the one to comfort her because he knows he cannot be what she needs right now. Jace hugs Alec and Izzy who are on the floor; Alec carry’s Izzy out of the room, Jace looks back at Clary and Simon before leaving. I like this scene, I think that the music really fits and you can see the numbness wash over Clary; at first she doesn’t even hug Simon back. You can see the anguish in her eyes, she only just got her mom back and now she has lost her forever; she doesn’t know how to process that. I love Simon; he can see that Clary is in no state to talk so just offers her comfort. Jace’s expression is beautiful; he wants to help and be there for Clary but he knows that right now she needs Simon who is her rock.

I really liked this episode; the pacing of scenes was a lot better, there was more breathing space and time for dialogue. Magnus’ scenes were beautiful and I look forward to more scenes with him with both Raphael and Simon. I cannot wait to see the affect that Jocelyn’s death is going to have and am excited about the twists that are happening because I know Jocelyn doesn’t die in the books. It will be interesting to see what other twists they have in store.

[eurolinguiste]

Are you using cartoons to expose your kids to a new language? Here’s how to turn it from a passive experience to an effective language learning activity for both of you.

Let’s start by clearing something up. Just sitting your kid in front of 2 hours of Tintin a day isn’t going to do the job ok? If it did, this would be a really short post and everybody would have multilingual kids. And yet so often on forums and threads when someone is looking for advice I see ‘watch cartoons’. This advice really frustrates me because it leads you towards two language traps – (1) that passive listening is an effective strategy and (2) that some people are talented at languages and some people aren’t.

If you expect your kids to speak or understand a language even after many hours of watching you’re going to be disappointed and disheartened or worse, think that your child just doesn’t have the ‘language gene’.

This is because your kids are doing passive listening. They are following the story by watching the images (children are remarkably visually literate) and ignoring or letting the language wash over them.

BUT, before you delete your library of Netflix cartoons or your Youtube playlist, read on. I’ll show you how cartoons are an incredibly useful resource for supporting your child’s language learning. It’s all about how you use them.

Why Cartoons Are Great for Language Learning

Children love cartoons. And you shouldn’t underestimate the power of having a language resource that is enjoyable. For instance, there’s no way I would want to sit down and work through a textbook but I am happy to tackle complicated grammar and vocabulary in the novel that I’m reading.

Children, particularly young children will happily watch the same cartoons over and over again – this is an amazing opportunity you can use to your advantage. And, by the way, it’s fantastic for your own language learning as well.

I found that although I had faith in the advice that watching a scene from a movie repeatedly had immense benefits, I rarely had the patience to carry it out. Although I knew it was useful it didn’t feel useful and I was always itching to move on to the next new thing, the next episode of Bref or the next quiz on Journal En Français Facile. But I can truly say that being forced to re-watch the same episode of Caillou over and over again by my 3-year-old has been absolutely brilliant for my own listening comprehension. Now, it really niggles if there is a word or expression that I didn’t quite catch or don’t recognize and I genuinely look forward to watching it again the next day to try to pin it down.

They Use Natural Phrases and Expressions

If you select the right cartoon, it will be packed full of useful relevant everyday vocabulary.

We can use all of these things to our advantage to turn watching cartoons from a passive, not very useful pastime to an awesomely effective tool.

When I first started using cartoons with my toddler, I had two vague goals in mind – that he would hear a ‘proper’ French accent with native pronunciation and that he might start to pick up some of the language. At that point, I had been learning French for a little while myself but I wasn’t confident in my own ability to speak it to him. I figured that the only way he was going to get exposure to the language was through listening to music and watching cartoons.

In the beginning, I watched the cartoons with him and occasionally pointed out some of the words. I knew that it would be a good opportunity to practice my own listening comprehension and I was pleased that I could get the gist of what was being said, even if I wasn’t looking at the screen. So far, so good right?

But then our progress ground to a halt…

It started to become much less effective. Because I could ‘get the gist’, I mentally crossed ‘cartoon watching’ off my list of useful resources for my own study. Unconsciously, I had given myself a big tick next to the activity and was ready to move on to find new material for my listening comprehension.

Soon, I started to try to be more ‘productive’ with my time and do household jobs whilst he was watching. I’m sure everyone who has kids can relate to this temptation… They are happy, settled, no-one is arguing and they’re going to be fine on their own for the next few minutes. That’s just enough time to stack the dishwasher, start cooking dinner or start any one of those hundreds of jobs you have been trying to get done that day. At the same time I was getting frustrated because I was finding less and less time to fit in my own language learning every day.

I knew that he wasn’t really getting much benefit from passively watching the cartoons and I also wasn’t getting any effective study time so our progress ground to a halt.

So I changed the way we watch cartoons.

It wasn’t until I took The Eurolinguiste Busy Language Learner Course (thanks, Shannon!) that I realized what I was doing wrong. I was taking the course to try to carve out some more time for my own French study, but Shannon made me realize that the time watching cartoons with my toddler could be really effective French learning time for both of us.

This is the email I sent to Shannon when I had a ‘lightbulb’ moment and realized I had been going about it all the wrong way:

“I had not even considered cartoon watching as a language learning activity for me! I had mentally filed it as ‘language learning for the kids’…but you have inspired me to totally rethink the way we watch cartoons. I’ve now turned it from a passive (and therefore pretty useless) experience for the kids into a really interactive, effective language experience for all of us!”

I had been completely dismissing the value of watching cartoons for my own French study and I was also preventing my toddler from having an effective learning experience. I needed to develop a system to make this an active, productive learning session that we could both benefit from.

If watching a cartoon was going to be an effective learning time, I had to be totally present with my toddler, sitting alongside him, concentrating, engaging and interacting. After all, when I read to him, I don’t try to do the washing up at the same time! Children learn language by interacting – this is an active process.

Cartoons are a great language resource, but it’s up to you to take that resource and turn it into an active, social experience. Otherwise, it’s about as much use as sitting your kids down and presenting them with a French / English dictionary. It’s stuffed full of useful language but looking through it isn’t going to turn them into French speakers!

So I sat down and took some time to work out some ways that I could make the time more effective for him. I also reassessed my own feelings about using the cartoons as listening comprehension. I decided that ‘getting the gist’ wasn’t good enough – my new goal was going to be to hear and understand every word, phrase and expression.

The results have been amazing for both of us – not only has it made TV time a fun, bonding experience but it has definitely improved his understanding and enriched his vocabulary. It has also had some surprising benefits for me that I hadn’t predicted. I’ll share these in a moment, but first, here’s my guide to getting more value from watching cartoons.

My Step-by-Step Guide to Making Your TV Time more productive [cartoon image 4]

Step 1: Choose your cartoon.

It’s worth putting in a bit of effort at this stage to research a good cartoon. If your own listening comprehension isn’t quite strong enough yet, it’s well worth finding a cartoon with subtitles in your target language. When I’m researching a new cartoon for my little boy, I ask myself 3 questions:

* Will he like it? * Will he be able to follow the story without understanding the language? (I think this is really important for him to be able to enjoy what he is watching) * Is the vocabulary going to be useful?

If your target language is French, you’re in luck because comics and cartoons are a staple of French culture (think Asterix, Tin Tin, Lucky Luke). However, my absolute favourite cartoon for my kids is Caillou. It’s a French-Canadian cartoon about a little boy who is about 3/4 years old and his everyday experiences. It deals with lots of real-life situations like going to the dentist, the doctor, the beach, nursery, the park and his relationship with his family. I love that the familiar situations means it is instantly relatable even if you don’t understand a word of French. It also means that the phrases and vocabulary are relevant to our everyday lives so I know that I have a good source of accurate, natural sounding phrases that I can use when I’m speaking to my kids. Whatever your target language, a Google or Youtube search can usually bring up a few popular cartoons. (I was really chuffed to discover I could watch Bing! in Welsh the other day!)

Step 2: Watch it yourself.

Your first time watching can be with or without your child. Your goals on this first watch are to understand as much as possible. You don’t need to worry if you don’t catch everything (unless you want to), the point is to listen attentively. If you need to, watch it on your own first with subtitles and pause to look up words if you think you have missed something important.

Pick out one or two things that are relevant to your own life at the moment. For example, over Christmas we watched episodes about putting up a Christmas Tree and making a snowman. We were doing both these activities ourselves at around this time so I knew I would have opportunities to use the vocabulary with my kids. It can be something really small, like, maybe a character goes on an escalator and there is an escalator at your local shopping centre – it really can be anything you think you might be able to use in your everyday life in the next few days.

Step 3″ Make notes.

Choose a couple of words / phrases / whole sentences that are useful and relevant to you and jot them down.

See how this is already great for your own study? You’re engaging in active listening, checking vocabulary and writing down useful phrases. Now you’re going to apply what you’ve been doing to improve your children’s understanding. This application will also reinforce your own learning and give you opportunities to review and repeat the material in a fun way with your kids. Awesome right?

Step 4: Watch again.

The next time you watch TV in your target language, watch the same episode again. Now it’s all about drawing your child’s attention to the words / phrases you picked out and helping them to train their ear. When you first listen to a new language it sounds like one continuous string of babble, you don’t know where one word ends and one begins. We think that we leave gaps between words when we speak like when we write but those gaps are imaginary – your brain inserts spaces for you once you are familiar with the language. You are going to help your child start to pick out individual words from the stream.

There are a number of ways to do this depending on the age and personality of your child.

Here are a few ideas:

Explain a word / phrase. Let’s say one of the phrases you jotted down is ‘c’est l’heure du dîner’ (it’s dinner time). When you hear the character say it, pause and say something like- ‘Caillou’s mum just said c’est l’heure du dîner. That means it’s dinner time. C’est l’heure du dîner.’ Say the target language phrase slowly and clearly and repeat it a couple of times.

Bingo. There are so many ways you can vary this game to keep it fun.

You can go all out and make cards to mark off with a prize, it can be competitive (although I strongly suggest letting them win most of the time!) or collaborative, you can keep a tally of how many times a particular word or phrase is said in an episode and see if you get the same number on the next watch or just simply say ‘tell me when you hear the word ‘_______’. You can gradually increase the difficulty by just listening for one word / phrase when you watch for the first time and then the next time you watch the same episode you can listen out for 2 or 3 different words.

Encourage their inference skills. For example, when I first introduced the words for ‘snowman’ in French, I paused the episode and said ‘It’s snowing and Caillou wants to make un bonhomme de neige in the garden’ What do you think un bonhomme de neige is? This is excellent training for their inference skills when they are reading / watching in their native language as well so it’s a win-win strategy!

Contextualise. In other words, try to link what you’re watching to something happening in your own lives. We watched an episode recently where Caillou made a card for his dad. We had just made a card for my toddler’s great grandmother so this was a perfect opportunity to put my key phrases into a real life context that had happened that day. The narrator in the cartoon said ‘Caillou a fait une carte pour son Papa’. So I paused and repeated slowly ‘Caillou a fait une carte’ then I said to my toddler ‘tu as fait une carte for great grandma today’.

Use the words / sentences in the next few days as often as possible when they are relevant to what you are doing. If you’ve chosen well, you should be able to find lots of opportunities to use them, if you’re struggling to work your phrases into a conversation, no sweat, have another go tomorrow! You can also extend this by adding variations e.g. ‘tu veux faire une carte pour Papa aussi?’ ‘d’accord, on va faire une carte pour Papa plus tard’ ‘Papa, on a fait une carte pour toi!’ (Do you want to make a card for daddy as well? Ok, we are going to make a card for daddy later. Daddy, we made a card for you!)

Something really important that I need to mention here is to always let your kids be the guide. If they are doing well and having fun then by all means up the difficulty or expand the game. If they are not very responsive then take a step back. Always keep it light and fun and encouraging – don’t turn it into schoolwork or make them feel under pressure to perform.

If you follow this process you will see a big difference in the value you are getting from cartoons.

And those extra benefits I discovered?

When I was doing any kind of listening comprehension before, I was listening to understand. Now I find when we are watching cartoons, I am listening with the goal of being able to use the language. This has probably doubled my attentiveness. I have found that there is a massive difference between being able to completely understand a conversation and being able to accurately reproduce the same / similar sentences myself. I am noticing much more about the language and I find that I have a running commentary in my head of the things that I am observing or need to check, like Was that de or du? c’est or il est? Was that verb reflexive? Which verb do they use in this collocation? etc.

So my new year’s resolution is to keep following the steps above to put an end to passive listening and make TV time a rich language experience that we can share. I need to remind myself that this is a productive time for both of us as well as lovely bonding time, it’s exactly what I need to be doing at that moment in time and it deserves my full attention. The housework will just have to wait until the end of this episode…or maybe after the next one.

What about you?

Do you use cartoons to expose your children to your target language? What cartoons do you watch and how do you use them?

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

About the Author // Francesca Pursell is a mother, language learner and former teacher who created her website makinglittlelinguists.com to write about ways that beginner and intermediate language learners can help their children learn a new language. Her own language adventures began with French and she has recently begun to learn Welsh. She is continually finding ways of incorporating French into family life with her two young children. She has created a Cartoon Watching Cheat Sheet to go with this blog post which can be downloaded here.

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