#and i do not have the money for hrt or laser hair removal

[goblinoid-wretch]

holding immense hatred in my heart for/ casting a thousand curses at the foul creature what thought it funny to give my dad's family and me specifically course facial hair that will not shave off completely no matter how hard i try

[cathkaesque]

Year in review, cathkaesque wrapped

Completed Very Big Very Cool Farmworker Report, which I'm still super pleased about. Everything I proposed was completed.

Went to Morocco for Very Big Very Cool international gathering

Basically completed transition - got all my documents in order, 2 years HRT, laser hair removal in process. I can take or leave srs so I'm basically exactly where I want to be now

Got asthma and celiac diagnoses - my lungs are better, I can finally put on weight, but my reflux issues are unfortunately uncurable (hiatial hernia)

Relatedly, spent most of February scrubbing black mould off my walls

Looking back on it, from mid-Feb/March I had an extremely bad mental breakdown that took up a good chunk of the year to recover from. Combination of all my work being due and none of it being done around March, huge trans panic in the press, trying to get all my documentation in order because the panic in the press scared the hell out of me, serious relationship issues...it was very bad. I had to move back in with my parents for much of the year while I sorted my shit out

Broke up with my bf but we got back together - the time apart sucked so bad and made us both extremely insane and unwell but it forced us to rectify serious ongoing issues in our relationship rather than letting them fester. I feel we've emerged from it stronger and things are going better than they ever have before so that is pretty wonderful. I just wish I could've resolved these things in a less dramatic, less damaging way.

Went on a lovely holiday in South Wales, and also a little weekend break in Kent

Drove 1250 miles in about 2 weeks

Went to my first festival (do not want to do that again, I hate the West)

Relatedly, wrote off my car because I was very tired from driving that much. I don't miss the responsibility of driving or owning a car at all, and I'm saving tonnes of money, but I really miss the ability to go on little trips to obscure places

Went to London a million times for work meetings

Sadly a lot of the international union work I've been involved with over the last few years has collapsed due to infighting in the international organisation. You have a situation where both the workers' union in Spain and one of the employer unions are affiliated to the same international organisation. The employer union is a lot bigger and unsurprisingly this is too unstable a mix to function and they reacted in a way that broke the rural workers' work I have been involved in. I am very pissed off as the result was issues the workers union really needed to be addressed never got looked at and someone who was very, very dedicated to the cause got forced out of their position because of it. Disgusted. I invested so much of myself into that work so I am trying to decouple my political activism from my work life to prevent this from happening again.

At the same time I had similar issues within my own workplace, especially after larger farmers' organisations reacted strongly against my report. I ended up having a big meeting with lots of them where I performed okay despite having a panic attack prior to it. So hopefully that will have been dealt with now.

Managed to have a healthier relationship to weed which is good

I got super into Flames of War and I'm really enjoying that, I love the models and painting my little guys has been so much fun.

But yeah. All in all a super, super hard year, especially the first 8 months of it, but this was due to overdue problems that needed to get solved, and they got solved. I hope things will be easier next year.

[sciencetynan]

If I made a crowdfunding page for my gender transition (Trans femme) expenses would anyone support that?

I don't like asking for money but the combination of seeing a fertility clinic and freezing samples before I take HRT and future laser hair removal and voice training has the potential to drain most of my funds within a month or two. The fertility clinic alone will drain almost half of my bank account, and laser can be hundreds of dollars minimum per month, per body area. Voice training can be expensive too.

I'd either have to significantly slow down my transition, or find more money somehow, and I just can't think of anywhere I can get extra money.

I do have a part time job and some self employment, but due to the rural area I live in, the amount of hours I can work weekly is at most 10-15 hours a week (at minimum wage), so these costs will be far more than I'll lose monthly.

I don't want to sound greedy, but I'd rather just do as much as I can for my transition, as I'm now 35 and not getting any younger. I've waited decades to come out, and would hate to put a pause on some aspects of my transition because I can't afford it.

[nerdartandgames]

Okay, this is gonna be long and I apologize but here goes:

So last night, I had a dream that I was a completely different person. Living in a different home, had a younger sister, and a different dad. But what really stuck out was that, simply put, I was a girl. And truth be told, I didn’t hate it. In fact I kinda liked it. This is not the first time I’ve had a dream like this and I imagine it won’t be the last.

Here’s the thing. I don’t completely hate being born male, but I’ve noticed ever since I came out as genderfluid, there was something about drawn as female even addressed as such that appealed to me. Maybe it’s cause recently I’ve noticed I’m mostly drawn to femininity?

My real conflict is how I don’t even know what to do if I even were to come out as trans. Especially to someone like my dad since I do remember him once making a very insensitive remark when LGBT was brought up on TV during Pride Month.

But that’s not even the biggest problem, it’s transitioning, but not because I wouldn’t be able to do it fully. See, if it were a matter of changing my personal email (cause it does use my real full name) it wouldn’t be too bad, even though it would be time-consuming. But in terms of HRT, laser hair removal, bottom surgery, and even changing my legal name? Those are all things that would cost not just time, but also money that I don’t even know I have.

So yeah, in terms of my gender, just seems like I’m the same way I feel my life in general is going: Stuck. Thankfully I’m meeting with my therapist this week so I’ll see what he says. For now, feel free to address at whatever pronouns you want to and draw me however you want. I might take a few days off of social media to collect my thoughts.

[lilyliveredlittlerichboy]

ive been spending way too much time on terf blogs the past few days and this thing i saw has been living in my head rent free like

(Image description: @/fakeboitherottengirl writes, "You learn to chase gender like you learn to chase any other drug. You chase gender euphoria like an anorexic chasing her skeleton. The next piece of clothing, the next haircut, the next injection, the next operation, THATS the thing you need to be happy. After this next binder or HRT or boob job or dress or tube of makeup your body will finally feel "right". And by the time you've eliminated all the things that could be "wrong", when no hair is left out of place and and you "pass" you realize you are still yourself with all the same pain you've been running from getting closer every day. And suddenly there's nowhere left to run. Your hair can't get any shorter. Your chin can't get any smoother. No shade of lipstick fills the void it once promised to. Capitalism lied to you and is actively profiting off of your gender dysphoria/euphoria. Dysphoric people deserve better than the capitalist "solution" of transition." End image description.)

There's so much wrong with this where do I start. (Soooo tempted to just throw out the whole suitcase but I think there's maybe half a thought in there worth keeping. So here goes)

All of the procedures you've listed above are things cis people do as well. Buy makeup and have boob jobs and get laser hair removal, buy gender-affirming (or gender nonconformity-affirming) clothing and jewellery. Yet somehow it's only bad when trans people do it? Capitalism leaves hollow voids of suffering in all of us. How we fill it is each of our own choice, and all of the things mentioned above are morally neutral. Including drug addiction and even eating disorders, because we believe in a thing called bodily autonomy. heard of it?

The capitalist solution of transitioning: Okay yes lots of trans people spend money on transitioning. A lot of cis people also spend money on gender-affirming clothes, accessories and surgeries. Capitalism has a solution for everything. It's true. BUT: not everyone's transition involves a lot of money, and most trans people are poor af. We cut our own (or each others) hair, get clothes from free clothes swaps and use other forms of mutual aid. Changing your name and pronouns is free! And yes we have to exist under capitalism, great observation sherlock. anything else?

And what, exactly, is a better solution for dysphoric people? Since you acknowledge they exist. Is it to live with their pain forever? I mean, you radfemmy types take enormous pride in suffering and make suffering the very core of your ideology so I can't say I'm surprised. Tell Me, has your suffering enlightened you? Do you know things no one else does? Did you find the light. And why am I reminded of tradcath imagery where you have to suffer to make up for being born, until you die... is this the kind of imagery you strive to invoke? Is your suffering the yoke you toil under forever, to make up for the wrongness in your soul and the void in your heart. Do we all need to find Jesus? Tell Me? (or please maybe just help us dismantle capitalism. yes it wants to sell you solutions to problems that didn't exist until capitalism told you you had them!! yes it hurts everyone!! we agree on this!!)

tldr suffering is great and if you embrace it you won't have to participate in capitalism anymore. but it's fine to participate in capitalism actually, as long as you're being nice and cis about it i guess. womanhood is only suffering and manhood is only violence and there is no room for genuine joy in the human experience. this is what you're telling me yes? okay. cool. okay

anyway I've found so much love and peace from being trans, not really from changing my body (which I BARELY have and still don't really know if I will) but from being part of loving, accepting, truly radical communities. Going from being othered to being part of the othereds. Community is the true value of the queers. Probably you radfems would agree about your own!! You love your communities and want to keep them safe!! See, us too. And we don't have to fight each other to keep ourselves safe. In fact fighting makes all of us less safe! None of us want that.

Anyway it's so difficult to have nuanced (or any) conversations about these things and i appreciate you taking the time to read this. and as much as I understand that my "why can't we all get along uwu 🥺" thing is naive and idealistic, I would much prefer to be naive, idealistic and hopeful, than full of distress and fear and despair at the state of the world - and the state of feminist, body neutral and autonomy affirming activism. (A despair we share, I assure you! Being hopeful anyway is an active choice.)

Hope is hard. It is! I have a lot of practice cultivating mine and it still doesn't come easy. The first step is believing you can have hope, and that things can get better. The next step is to find out what you, personally, can do to actively make things better for people around you. Start hyper-local, log off from the internet for a lil while, consult older activists around you. Millions of people doing tiny things will add up to bigger changes, and you have to believe change is possible. You have to. Otherwise you will get too content in your own misery and stop growing as a person and stop actually making the world better.

"You have to act as if it were possible to radically transform the world. And you have to do it all the time." ― Angela Davis

Anyway, one thing that doesn't help is trying to take away people's bodily autonomy. Whether that's restricting access to abortion, or access to transition, or access to cosmetic surgery, or ability to do sex work, or kink. Just cus you personally think any/all of these are oppressive and evil, doesn't mean you get to make choices for other people on how to live their lives.

Bodily autonomy.

If you're against abortions, don't get one.

If you're against transition, don't get one.

If you're against kink, don't do it.

Some people don't get a choice, such as victims of sex trafficking or Hershel Walker's mistresses when he arranges their abortions. But that doesn't mean you should take the choice away from everyone.

[swordandsoul]

Hey y’all I’m Amari, a 25yo TWOC & aspiring novelist interested in creating better, more imaginative representation for LGBT+ folks.

When I started HRT almost two years ago, I told myself I would rather have a difficult, complicated, emotional life than an easy one devoid of feeling or meaning, and thus far that assessment has been accurate. Hormones & social transition (to the degree that I’ve been brave enough to do it) have made my life worth living, and worth asking your help with.

I’m trying to raise money to afford the costs of alleviating my dysphoria & passing well enough to avoid transphobic violence (I live in a small, somewhat liberal city within a more conservative region, & have been struggling with increasing anxiety as I see more and more women like me becoming headlines, to the point where I’m afraid to go out in public as my true self).

Right now my primary concerns are laser hair removal/electrolysis, upcoming surgical costs for facial feminization surgery and eventual gender confirmation surgery, legal fees for changing my name & gender, and cumulative lab/bloodwork fees.

Every dollar counts. Even if you’re not a position to donate, please at least share this page 💜

[vodcar]

I'm a prehrt trans girl. I have mixed feelings about my facial hair. I shave but its so thick that i'll usually end up cutting my face. I've been told that light scruff softens my facial features and makes me look softer. So sometimes I consider growing it out again but then I worry that people will just say im actually non binary or that I'm not even actually trans. I also worry that it makes my lesbian partner seem straight when we're in public? (though maybe thats good?) THOUGHTS?! halp!!

Hey there friend !!!I’m in a very similar situation in many respects; pre-hrt, lesbian, all that jazz. But I am also white with fairly pale skin and I have thick dark facial hair, so the contrast is pretty strong. Most of my advice will apply directly to these two particular shades of skin and hair, but hopefully there’ll be something useful for you here too!My advice will also depend a lot on your routine and your needs with tackling your dysphoria if you have any about your facial hair, or your concerns with how others will see you. I shave pretty much every day. At the weekend I like to schedule in a day where I don’t go out so I can give my skin a break and not shave. If you’re also considering shaving every day, giving your skin a break is a really good idea! I would also say giving yourself a few days or a day where you can play around with growing out your facial hair in the comfort of your own home might be a good idea, or if you do go out, take a razor with you so you can shave on the go if you need to!Always remember that no matter the length of your facial hair, you’re still a woman, and still a big gay one at that! (My wife says when I haven’t shaved for a little while and I have a little fluff its like a baby hedgehog which is very adorable.) I’ve thought about growing mine out a lil in the past, cute girls with facial hair are certainly out there, I’ve got a good few tumblr mutuals who rock it. As you grow out your hair, play around with snazzing it up maybe? see what makeup looks would pair well with it (bold lipstick and eyeliner is always a good look), or what cute hairstyles or outfits would compliment it. If you’re worried about not being read as a woman, buying a cute pronoun badge or a fun piece of clothing with WOMAN written on it could be fun. (I have an old baseball cap from back in the day with WOMAN on it. Very affirming and cute.)If you’re going down the shaving route:So for starters, I would recommend investing in a good quality razor. Recently I’ve found myself really enjoying a safety razor like this. Although it is a big upfront cost at around £25, the cost of 100 replacement razors at around £7.00 will save you lots of money, and it will mean you can always shave with a sharp razor which should stop a lot of rough and bad shaves.

I always first wash my skin with water, and then use a very gentle exfoliating face scrub. This helps reduce dead skin tags from building up after shaving and can prevent your face from getting cut. I got a very cheap one from primark for about £1 and it is lasting me ages.I wash off the scrub and then add plenty of cheap hair conditioner. It smells lovely and gives a really slick finish which is kind to the skin and works well with blades. Alberto Balsam is the best imo!

In terms of technique, my own method is to shave with the grain at first, and then again against the grain afterwards. This means, for example, on my chin going with the grain I shave from my lip downwards, and against the grain from my chin up to my lips. This gives me the closest shave and lets me get very smooth. This technique took me a while to build up to; at first my hairs just wouldn’t let me shave against the grain. Take it slow and easy and eventually you’ll be able to.Shaving in front of a mirror always gets me the best shave, but most days I shave in the shower. This stops me having to pour over my face for too long which is often very distressing, and it keeps my skin in contact with hot water. Always have hot water running to keep your blade wet and hot.After I’m done I make sure to rinse my face with hot water directly, and then to gently dry it by patting it with a towel. I wait about one to three minutes and then apply a gentle moisturiser. At the moment I’m using E45 Lotion, but I have used Nivea Soft in the past. Find a cream that works for you and does not sting when you put it on and then buy lots of it, you’ll be using it plenty. After I’m moisturised I tend to wait about five to ten minutes before putting on any makeup. (If you want me to go into my makeup let me know, but I will say always make sure to take it off at the end of the day with a gentle makeup remover and then moisturise before bed.)HRT will help things, giving you softer hair and a slower rate of growth whilst also stopping any new non-vellus hair from growing in. It won’t reverse or get rid of any of the thick facial hair you’ve already got though. This is why it works best with laser hair removal or electrolysis.

This is another option for you whilst you wait for HRT. You can opt to pay for your own laser hair removal/electrolysis, but it will be generally less effective without HRT, but you will see some results after a full course of about eight weeks. It should cut down on your need to shave most days, and it should thin out your hair too, depending on how well you respond to that certain treatment. You can buy your own machines, but the only ones worth buying are very very expensive, so sessions at an actual clinic are probably the best.Sending you love!!!! hope this helps!!!!

[orchyd-electronica]

Progress is rarely a straight line.

I’ve had my fair share of speed bumps this year: being homeless for 3 months, legal/financial trouble after moving and losing my savings, then working a job for too little pay to be able to afford to eat enough to not be hungry to name the big few. However! I have managed to continue my HRT and to pay for the visits and medications associated with that. I have managed to even pay for my laser hair removal which is coming along swimmingly. I recently got promoted and am now getting a big bump in pay and hours. I have a trip coming up at the end of the month to see my best friend and to go to a concert of one of my favorite bands whom I haven’t seen live since 2008. My payment plan for my laser, which is frightfully expensive, is going to be finished soon leaving me with a lot more money every month. Honestly I think I have gotten through this year surprisingly well? As bad as it was at times, I can’t fault myself for being as upset as I was.  It was definitely a challenge and before this part of my life my mental illnesses completely consumed me so like, kudos for not getting stuck back in a rut and for continuing to struggle.

This may be me tooting my own horn but like someone’s gotta do it, and frankly no one else knows me like me so I don’t hold the expectation for anyone else to appreciate my progress this year as much as I do.

Shout out to my fellow queers who are out there struggling! You are strong! You are wonderful! You can get through this! It will be worth it!!!!!!

[a-trans-jedi]

Today has been amazing so far! Met my new doctor who is absolutely awesomely far. She listened to my concerns and needs both about my regular and neurological health and about my health going forward on hrt and transition as a whole. I’m getting refered for another round of physical therapy so I can have a set schedule and routines a For trying to get my lower arm and leg back. I also got referred to meet with a new local neurosurgery team to track my brain health and make sure we prevent the growth of another AVM. My estrogen dosage got upped from 4mg’s to 6mg’s which is the average dosage. And finally she put in referrals for laser hair removal, and bottom surgery. Once the referral for bottom surgery is accepted I’ll have a 1 1/2 - 2 year waitlist wait which is pretty damn perfect for me to spend the time getting honed in at work, saving some money and doing more research and preparing myself. Oh and I got my nails redone. Things are getting so good now that I’ve taken control over my life. I’m so excited to keep racking up accomplishments on my own. My confidence and happiness has skyrocketed since the beginning. #transgirl #transgender #mtftrans #newaccomplishments #movingupintheworld #transisbeautiful #girlslikeus #thisiswhattranslookslike

[f0reverchanging]

It's been a while.

To be honest, I kind of forgot I even had this blog for a minute, and then once I remembered, I couldn't stop thinking about writing, but couldn't figure out how to put my thoughts into words.

I still don't really have the words to properly convey exactly how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, or how to express anything else for that matter. It isn't necessarily that I'm even feeling bad, either! I'm honestly pretty content with life as it currently stands and, aside from spending too much money on things I can't need/can't afford, I have nothing to complain about!

I mean, there are still the occasional doubts and the usual anxieties that come with, you know, transitioning, and those do kinda make me sad sometimes.. But not that sad. I think, maybe, I'm just in a normal slump, which I generally do find myself in once every few months, where things just aren't interesting and I grasp at literally everything I can to try to keep my mind from being blank and grey.

As far as transitioning goes, I had my first laser hair removal session on my chest done as a test, and since the test went well (no terrible redness/scabbing/blisters/etc), I'll be buying a beard package at the same facility soon, I think. I, also, had some blood work done and my first follow-up appointment for my HRT and... Well, my T is down from 800 to 500, but my E is only up to 35ish, from 20. Soooo, not really what we were hoping for, but understandable with such a low dose of Spiro (50mg/twice a day) and Estradiol (1mg/twice a day) and after not much time.

With that said, we doubled both dosages to 100mg/twice daily for Spiro and 2mg/twice daily for Estradiol and... I definitely drink a fuckload more water, let me tell ya. The 'fuzziness' I experienced during the first 2-3 days of HRT is also back, sort of? It's not as bad, while also being worse in some ways. It definitely feels more like derealization and less like "lol i'm kinda high," so that's great.

Changes? Acne and more grey hair. That's about it. My libido hasn't changed too much, though I don't think I've had morning wood in a few days and I guess I'm not as much of a horndog as I was a few weeks ago? Things still work with is great (no sarcasm), but sometimes it's more frustrating to try than it is to just forget the horniness exists.

Oh well, I can't really write anything else without potentially risking my anonymity, so I'll write to you some other time.

-J

[erynspencer2187]

A full time pre-HRT Transgirl's survival guide - BODY/FACIAL HAIR!!

Konbanwa you beautiful people!!🐯

I’ve developed a trans girl’s survival guide designed to maximize personal comfort, minimize time consuming dysphoria-fighting activity and do it all in a logistically feasible manner! My schedule goes a little something like this; also feel free to offer input and advice as well as constructive comments to help others!

Prologue – STEP BY STEP FACE SHAVING!! 💜

Start by washing your face with soap & water and pat dry with a clean, soft towel.

1.) Exfoliate! I use - Neutrogena Razor Defense facial scrub (for men), because yes, even after HRT, everyone says that facial hair is still an issue.

LASER/ELECTROLYSIS SIDEBAR - I will be doing one full round (about six sessions) of laser, then one to two (hopefully not more) sessions of electrolysis on my face before officially starting HRT. Then, once I start hormones, I’ve been told that facial hair grows back much less intensely as it would otherwise; thank you to @bloodcountessabendroth for the awesome advice regarding this process!❤️

2.) Pat dry; leave damp

3.) Shave, I use a Gillette Mach 3 Turbo with NIVIA Men’s foaming shave gel with aloe and a full sink of warm water, clearing my razor every 4-5 passes to avoid clogging the razor and irritating my face. I start be shaving downwards on the whole face, then across, side to side, and finally …

4.) Using a CONSISTENTLY WET BLADE, I proceed to shave against the grain 😬 Ladies, seriously the most important part of the whole process - while your face is still moderately DAMP (pls. use common sense at this point) 🤦🏻‍♀️, fire up an ELECTRIC! You heard me! I use - Braun: Series 7 with a self cleaning device to really get rid of that nagging shadow and extra troublesome hair(s).

5.) After shave … 🙄 – as dishearteningly dysphoric and psychologically counter productive as this may seem, you really can’t skip this step … trust me! I use - NIVIA men’s SENSITIVE ALCOHOL FREE post-shave balm.

— MOISTURIZE YOUR TROUBLE SPOTS –

For me, that’s laugh lines, under eyes and the corners of the eyes in addition to the top of my t-zones. I use - Affinic snail cream from Korea (🐌) for special event days/nights and on normal days I use NIVIA Maximum Hydration Nourishing Lotion with Sea Minerals.

TUESDAY! - I start on Tuesday because this is the start of my week … long story tldr; better to just roll with it. This is the day that I shave my WHOLE BODY head to toe. I honestly find that using men’s shaving cream with or without aloe, or any women’s shaving cream or gel works PERFECTLY for the body. Don’t worry about using soap or conditioner or other alternative products, shaving cream or gel works great for me and I have minimal razor irritation. I also use a Gillette Mach 3 TURBO; pay the extra $4 for the refills, it’s worth it. You can use the gels or cream on your whole body.

Wednesday - Guess what? No shaving necessary - I shave my face only because I’m at work for a 24. Now

PAUSE BREAK - If you’re going to be out and up from say, around 6AM to 11PM or later, here’s what I do between 7 and 10PM, sometimes later depending on what time I can get to a clean bathroom and working surface/space.

1.) Using a high quality makeup remover; again, you really should spend the extra money - remove from BELOW YOUR CONTOUR LINE down. I use - Clinique “take the day off.”

2.) Remember that Braun Series 7 or higher self-cleaning electric razor? Ding! Fire it up!!🦄

3.) Moisturize or apply after shave IF necessary.

4.) Re-apply primer, dark spot corrector, foundation, powder and contour/bronzer. (This whole process takes about 20-25 minutes … not bad for a fresh face, right?)

5.) Remove oil from other parts of your face. I use - Boscia green tea blotting papers.

Finally, touch up any other areas while you’re here, as it’s needed … why not, right?

Thursday - Guess what? Still only need to shave your face (if you want; if I’m not leaving the house, I won’t even bother.)

Friday - OKAY! Pro-tip for Friday - by now you’ll have stubble, so here’s what I do, to keep myself sane, even if it’s warm out! … Blue jeans! OR! Shorts with black tights! For a top I wear a t shirt or other shirt that only reveals my arms and the nape of my neck. If you’re wearing a jacket or long sleeves, you’re good to go Girl! However, if you need to, I shave the top of my feet, my arms and touch up the back of my neck.

IF YOU PLAN ON BEING INTIMATE THIS WEEKEND - You should probably repeat the Tuesday full body routine, it will be worth it!

Obviously you should be repeating the facial shaving routine on Friday as well if you have dysphoria about it; I allocate every Tuesday and Friday as “me time” to go out with friends and have fun!! 💁🏻

Saturday - I work a 12 hr. shift so I shave my face in the morning and that’s it; I catch up on sleep Saturday night. If you have a Saturday night event, switch your Friday contingencies to Saturday and repeat the Tuesday full body on Saturday (instead of Friday or vice-versa) if you are wearing a revealing outfit or planning on being intimate with your partner!!

Sunday - I work a 24 hr. shift again and wear long pants and a shirt that only reveals arms - I will shave my arms again if I need to, as well as my face.

Monday - I really just try to keep Monday as a stay inside and complete tasks day to completely let go of everything and give my body a day to rest and recover before I shave my full body again on Tuesday. EXCELLENT Monday activities that I find fulfilling and that take up most of my Monday recovery - 10-15 minute plyometric workouts, napping, Netflix, reading, practicing my Japanese, CrunchyRoll, tabletop games with your closest friends willing to come to you, PS4 and trolling the internet … Tumblr, household chores, cooking, paying bills, doing homework or studying, or whatever else it is that you personally enjoy yourself!! 💋💅🏻✌🏻

I hope this helps! Have fun my trans-warriors!! 💜🦄🌸

[disheveledwisdom]

i’m doing this through here since you don’t have anon enabled.

honestly, just as someone following your blog, it seems like dressing in feminine clothing has become more of a compulsion than anything. if you don’t do it, you get anxiety. and that… doesn’t seem super healthy. you should probably try to talk to a therapist about that. and also maybe see why you’re so unhappy with yourself and the way you look, and ask yourself if changing the outside will actually help you with the feelings on the inside, because quite a few people who undergo drastic changes to their body find that they still have the same insecurities and that not much has changed mentally. that would be step one.

my advice? honestly? you’ve mentioned the severe balding and body hair that you have… the reason why most people try to transition as early as possible is to get ahead of things like balding and body hair. you’ve already got that, so waiting longer isn’t going to change that. you said this could alienate the people close to you and that you’re not sure you could handle the constant stares and texas being unaccommodating of trans people. you also mentioned career uncertainties. so my advice, as much as you’ll likely hate it, is to wait a couple years. get a stable job and get started on a career and get your foot in the door, then start saving up money. use your male privilege to your advantage–the reason there are many middle-aged trans women with really good jobs and disposable income is because they waited to transition and rode their male privilege up the corporate ladder. once they reached high positions in their careers, they transitioned, thus cutting out all the bullshit of trying to move up the corporate ladder as a woman (why yes, i’m bitter about this, in case you couldn’t tell). once you’re stable in your career, start doing stuff like laser hair removal, and then start your transition.

this may all sound blunt, but tumblr tends to tell anyone with any gender dysphoria to transition immediately without paying attention to the possible blowbacks. and there are certainly blowbacks. once you start, it’s nearly impossible to undo the effects of hrt and any possible surgeries you would want. you need to be sure that this is really what you want to do before you commit. and considering that you just came out as exploring your gender fluidity within the last few months, it seems pretty soon to decide to run head-first into fully transitioning. and there’s a huge difference between putting on a wig, dress, and makeup in the privacy of your own home, and being treated like a woman in the real world (especially a non-passing trans woman). my opinion will no doubt be unpopular on tumblr, but i think it’s a more practical one, and one that you should consider. you need to take time and think about it. and, as i said above, physically you’re not really going to be dealing with setbacks if you wait, so waiting really is your best option.

good luck, and i hope that you can get some peace. please, try talking to a therapist. they may be able to help you get to a place where you can have a better understanding of your feelings and what you should do

My response

So to the anon who sent that, I’m currently not planned to go through with transition, I am well aware of what you are saying, and I certainly see the value of it.  I certainly prefer speaking to a therapist over dealing with this on my own or through advice from people on line, and I am currently talking to one that focuses on Aspergers and Anxiety. (and even the therapist I do have is constantly discussed in terms of a career coach and not someone to work on my mental health)  My biggest issue is my folks (especially my mom) seem to have a deep seated skeptcism of psychology as a field, so my talks with them involve telling me to walk things off, stop being brainwashed, stop being depressed, look on the bright side of things, ect).  So my main desire is to talk to a professional in this field and that is explicitly opposed to by my mom.  (she tried to guilt trip me when I sought out a gender therapist) I don’t have health insurance, I’m worried about spending too much of my money on this.  My rational desire is not to go through with transitioning, but to manage my dysphoria in such a way that I can start my career (or figure out the extent that I want this ect).  It’s currently messing with my priorities. I am trying my best to keep the positivity talk (as good as it is for some people) from causing me to do anything self destructive. Like i might be fine if I could just do this with accepting friends, occasional trips out and my own place at the moment, while talking to someone who specializes in this to help me with my priorities. I’m just not in a place where I can do even that.   

 Thank you  

Feel free to let me know who you are.  You haven’t said anything I disagree with.    

[bumblequinn]

it’s been a while since i’ve talked about what’s going on. so here’s what’s been going on. in (roughly) chronological order!

GOOD:

my last chemo treatment was at the end of November (woo!)

BAD:

my former boss died the very next day... of lung cancer.

this gave me some wicked fuckin suvivors’ guilt

about a week later, i attempted to steal food bc i was freaking tf out about money

i did not succeed

and got slapped with a misdemeanor

and spent the weekend in jail

y i k e s

GOOD:

i started seeing a qt (she lives in Illinois which is tough but it’s been nice)

BAD:

i’ve been looking for work since mid-December, but it’s been exceedingly difficult because:

i got a frickin misdemeanor, for shoplifting, *barely 2 months ago*

6 jobs have turned me down

my depression has been spiraling out of control

and all the fascism has been incredibly demoralizing

meanwhile i’ve hit a concrete wall with my music

and have been utterly stagnant and shut in for weeks

bc you know. depression.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE:

my hair’s started growing back + it’s super soft

i started laser hair removal for my face (!!!)

i got a second opinion about hormones from U of M and

[drumroll]

i got to start again!!!

and that about sums up the past two months.

so yeah. i’ve been doing a bunch of nothing for the past 2 months and it’s seriously eating away at me. all the sitting around has fucked up my lower torso + legs so much that i’m getting physical therapy for it. lucky that i have nothing going on that would conflict with it. ha ha.

i’m also rly paranoid that resuming HRT is gonna make my cancer come back, even tho the oncologist at U of M assured me that my cancer wasn’t even caused by the hormones in the first place bc That’s Not A Thing™. i just have a bad feeling abt it, like it’s too good to be true or something.

on top of that, last month’s energy bill was bonkers expensive + my roommates have so far only repaid ~25% of their portion to me so that’s. Really Stressful™

idk. shit’s really rough rn. i still have my hypomanic periods where i feel more upbeat and energetic, but they’re fewer, farther in between, and shorter. it only takes the smallest slight lately to send me right back into a depressive spiral. it’s incredibly frustrating, which has also made me pretty irritable.

i’m not really sure what to do anymore tbh.

all i ever feel like doing is to sleep.

i’m so tired.

[einradfahrer]

Why does all the shit I wanna do cost money

Demo reel/Website/Business Registration/Custom Domain/Other investments into the Voiceover industry? Mucho Money

HRT/Laser Hair removal/Other associated transition stuff? Hella Money

Tattoos/Piercings/Body modification? So Much Fuckinge Money

Hobbies in general??? Bitch you guessed it -- Hhhhhhh Money

Once I actually have a higher stable income I am going to be so hot and so much more fulfilled it’ll be over for you hoes

[transition-of-lanabean]

Well, it’s been 365 days. I started HRT July 25th, 2016, after many years of struggle, months of therapy, and a letter of recommendation, I started my physical transition. Plus I started laser hair removal that month as well, so I’m a year plus into that, with my next session in one week.

 Being only a year, I have plenty of time to go, of course, but the one year mark sure is exciting for me. As I said when I started my transition, I didn’t expect anything to be magical, or quick, and my transition would happen at my own pace. 

 Some trans people say screw it, and immediately start dressing, acting and being themselves immediately, some people stealth transition, have a job that will make it hard if not impossible to do out in the open, or a spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend that they fear will not accept them. I’m somewhere in there, but as unique as any transition.

 When it comes to what I have been going through, I started seeing my therapist last February I think? I started shaving my legs shortly after, which I had never done before prior. I started stealth dressing to my therapy appointments on my second visit and have been taking it slowly ever since, letting HRT slowly do it’s thing.

 My wardrobe has slowly been taken over by the proper attire, throwing away old things, or just ugly things I have no chance of ever wearing again. They’re all being replaced by proper jeans, shorts, tops, a few dresses, shoes, bras, socks, you name it. No male attire has been bought clothes wise in well over a year, and only one pair of shoes has been purchased as I had to search for a way to get reasonable shoes in my size (Long Tall Sally is the best, I swear).

 I’m still in the process of coming out as my head has a way of making things seem like they’ll all come out the worst case possible. I don’t honestly think there’s much of a chance of being rejected by my friends or roommates, but there’s always a chance, which keeps me from doing it. My therapist and I are working through this slowly and getting some options together for me in case things go south. I’ve had some slight hints though, such as my bnet id change, steam id change, stuff like that. And others as well, bigger than that.

 Even my roommates have been given big clues, whether they wanted them or not. Mail addressed to Lana from Lane Bryant or Long Tall Sally? Yep. I think they’re just waiting for me to come out to be honest, which makes it even more scary for me for some reason.

 Other than that, there’s the whole work thing too. We are a small practice with ~15 employees, one of which is a lesbian married to a wonderful wife she brings to gatherings and such. Another co worker has a daughter that is a lesbian as well. I have a strong feeling nothing much will happen there either when I come out, other than the two males at work being a little disappointed at being down to just them from their eyes. At the very least I’ll have to come out to my boss though, as he rarely, though does, do pay checks. What happens when I change my name? He’ll notice Lana instead of my dead name. Hard to miss that one.

 I wanted to wait until my mom visited so we could make a day of it and get all my things changed, but as the last two times she’s visited has been for a combined 4 hours or so, that’s probably not going to happen any time soon. I need to get it done, and have the money saved up for it.

  I had my yearly physical last week as well, and my doctor says things are progressing nicely. Breast development slowed for a bit for a couple months, but has suddenly started having a growth spurt the last few weeks (with the accompanying pain and/or itchy spurts), so, even with a sports bra, things are getting bigger.

 Even the progress of my laser hair removal stalled for a few months too, but this last session has shown great improvement, so the ever happening smooth face may raise questions as well.

 Anyway, I’m doing things at my own pace. I’ve been dressing full time more or less for the last 8+ months, at the very least with female leading towards androgynous clothing. HRT is slowly doing it’s thing, from smooth skin, strength loss, breast development,  loss of random erections (take that, body part!) you name it. Thankfully I’m not experiencing any of thing bad things, as they say that estrogen can unmask or make migraines worse, which it has not. As a migraine sufferer my whole life, I’m still getting no more than I did pre HRT, so I’m very thankful for that.

 That’s about it to report, and if I forgot anything I’ll add it on later. Please let me know if you have any questions, I’ll be happy to answer most things.

 - Lana