#and i do have opinions. like certainly IF there were heaven and hell there SHOULD be purgatory!

[britneyshakespeare]

Me over dinner with my friends at Chili's: What do you guys think of the concept of purgatory?

[glytrp]

touya todoroki - troublemaker (0.5k)

cheating, sexual content. 18+

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

he’s a troublemaker. he’s a bully. he's a drop out.

he was vulgar, mostly.

you should have known he was trouble. everyone had warned you. even his mother. his brothers had differing opinions - natsuo pitied him, while shoto thought him to be special. fuyumi was incapable of being honest, so it left you to decide for yourself.

touya knew very well how to taunt you. he knew you had a soft spot in your heart, and that all it would take was a measly little apology, then a kiss down your neck.

but he was out of control.

you met him in a club. his phone had been blowing up, there were faded yellow bruises on his neck, but he had reassured you, “don’t worry about it.”

you were too drunk to care, so you danced with his hands on your waist, your back to his chest, and his obscene little whispers in your ear.

when you took him home that night, it was next to heaven. he smelled like cigarettes and shitty beer, but he also smelled like genuine leather, and sweat. he tasted even better when you kissed him, the tickle of his piercings near addicting.

it must have been his ego telling him to force orgasms out of you. he must have been collecting them as an excuse when you tried to talk - about anything, anything serious - he had been selfless, right? he had made sure you were taken care of. only good boyfriends did that, right?

“now you’re too good for me, huh?” he scoffed, pinning you to the wall, a look of lechery in his eyes, “you’ll let me fuck you, but I ain’t boyfriend material?”

“you - you slept with her in my bed, Touya - I…” you were in too much disbelief to cry. too much shock.

his fingers crawling down your waist to clutch into your hips should have been your first sign to leave. his grip was falsely gentle, the rasp to his voice making you shudder, “it didn’t mean nothing.”

“right.” your fists tightened, turning your neck when he attempted to kiss you. grasping your jaw, you gasped as he forced you to face him again.

“shh, let’s forget about it, yea?” he’d soothe, tugging you back to the door. you could still smell her perfume on him. you could still hear her moaning out his name.

with a defeated crack in your voice, you shook your head, tears finally streaming from your eyes, “I can’t.” "sure you can." he grinned, tugging you to his lap. so you swallowed down that little voice in your head that told you to run. that voice in your head that told you he was going to do it again. he said it meant nothing, so it meant nothing. maybe you were the one that was nothing.

you missed when he used to try, when he used to pick you up in that worn-out ugly black civic. where the seats were stained, where it stunk of weed. you missed when he'd fuck you in the backseat. when he'd take you out to eat after to some drivethrough. where he'd keep his hand on your thigh. let you play with the music on the stereo.

he definitely wasn't perfect, but at least he loved you.

but you had been wrong.

touya didn't know how to love, and he certainly didn't deserve it from you.

maybe you'd let him into your bed again, but you sure as hell weren't letting him into your heart again.

[gribok-art]

Random thoughts about Good Omens S2 ending theories.

So I've read that some people think the Metatron did something to Aziraphale's coffee (be it almond or a miracle) to influence his behaviour.

Now my personal opinion on this : I liked to think the show tricked us as well. We didn't see them "talk to each other" either in that sense. Other people's love lives seem so much more straightforward from an outsider's point of view. We were biased to think we knew how Crowley felt, and how Aziraphale felt, just like how both of them assumed what the other thought, because they didn't talk. And now both of them are confused, just like how we are, and it's in reality very in character. Added to that, they were on their own side together, with us. Then Metatron comes and separates them. Now they're on their own, alone, and a lot of the audience was separated as well, between who did right or wrong. Team Aziraphale or Crowley.

I feel like the coffee theory could lessen the impact that last scene had on us, and both of them. That it wasn't actually them discovering how the other actually felt and "breaking up", and they'll have to talk it out for real in S3. That it was just the coffee.

However, I was thinking about it. What if we're being tricked, what if there's a big twist from the start of S3 ?

What if that kiss scene didn't go as we interpret it ? What if I don't know, Crowley kissed him to see what was in that coffee ? Reminds me of a fanart I saw once, Crowley going from I know what you smell like to I know your tone of voice to I know what you taste like. A big stretch I admit, it was only a peck on the lips.

What if from the start we don't see Crowley breaking down into alcohol and a big depression nap but already trying to find a solution and not being affected by it at all ?

There's other theories I like to think about as well. When I was writing my comic "Reunion", I had to rewatch Crowley's confession and transcript everything that was said between them for reference. And Aziraphale sometimes made no sense at all.

Here is some of it :

- We’re better than that, you’re better than that angel you don’t need them, I certainly don’t need them, they asked me back to hell I won’t join their team neither should you! - Well obviously you said no to hell you’re the bad guys. But heaven, it's the side of truth, of life, of good. - When heaven ends life here on Earth it’ll be just as dead as if Hell would have ended it. Tell me you said no. - If I’m in charge I can make a difference - Ooohh... [...] We’ve known each other a long time [...] We need to get away from them. We need an us. You and me, what do you say. - Come with me, to Heaven, you can be my second in command, we can make a difference. - You can’t leave this bookshop. - Nothing lasts forever. - No, I don’t suppose it does. Good luck. - Good luck ? Crowley, come back. To heaven. Work with me. We can be together. Angels, doing good. I need you. I don’t think you understand what I’m offering you. - I understand. I think I understand a whole lot better than you do. - Well. Then there’s nothing more to say. - Listen. Do you hear that ? - I don’t hear anything. - That’s the point. No nightighales. You idiot. We could have been us. (They kiss) - I forgive you. - Don’t bother.

Crowley talks about them not joining either group. Aziraphale's only answer is praises to Heaven and "Hell is the bad guys".

Crowley brings up the fact that Heaven just like Hell could end everything on Earth, all life, destroy it all. Aziraphale ? "I'm in charge, I can make a difference".

Crowley confesses. Aziraphale dissmisses it completely, and only answers to his part about being their own side, "Come with me to Heaven".

Crowley answers that he can't leave this bookshop. Aziraphale again makes a very vague answer, "Nothing lasts forever". Doesn't elaborate further.

The "I forgive you".

Could be a stretch again I'm not goot with theories. But doesn't it seem sometimes like he can't answer as he wants to ? They're right in front of the windows during that, Aziraphale could have been restricted in how and what he could say in front of the Metatron.

Maybe after Crowley said "Good luck" and moved towards the door, they might have been out of the Metatron's sight. So Aziraphale could allow himself to hint at him that it's an act ?

What if that's how Aziraphale saw it : "I don't think you understand", "I understand", so he interpreted it as Crowley catching on and confirming, and so there was, indeed, nothing more to say, if he now knew.

And how Crowley saw it, 2 options :

He didn't catch on, continued talking, Aziraphale realized he didn't catch on, but it's too late, and there come the tears, and the rest goes how most interpret it.

He caught on, he continues the act with him, he knows he's going to Heaven for a good enough reason, maybe under threat, Aziraphale cries that it's their goodbye, Crowley can't take it and kisses him. Could be different reasons, goodbye kiss just in case, a kiss to reassure he will be there for him, something to give him strength to not give up upstairs and he'll have an "us" to be looking forward to.

If we go with option 2, why the "I forgive you" ? Maybe Aziraphale was holding himself back from enjoying the kiss too much, because what if they're still in front of the windows, so in case they were seen, he keeps the act with an angry "I forgive you".

And a last thought I had before hitting post : what if Metatron miracled how he could act and what he could say ? Not giving him a strict dialogue to follow of course, like a puppet, but something vague enough that Aziraphale tells him all that without being able to control it, but at the same time, he can slide in hints. He'd be like a puppet at Metatron's hands trying to tell Crowley one thing but what comes out of his mouth is "Nothing lasts forever".

Oh, what if Metatron posessed him and it's Metatron speaking to Crowley through Aziraphale's body ? Damn, Crowley would be mad that it was him that he kissed.

[enihk-writes]

HEIIIII!

ive been reading your Chung Myung posts likee 3 times altready! Soo i was thinking, if you could pleasee plss do an Chung Myung x reader where he gets hurt (mabye on the latest fight?) on one of hes fights so reader stubornly treats hes wounds, in wich they constantly bicker each other?

[mr hard-to-love]

pairing: chung myung x gn!reader

summary: one would think that in times like this he would be humbled and quiet, but of course he wasn't. when was he ever humble and quiet?

═══════════════

they had hoped that this close call would've taught this reckless boy a thing or two about the human limits but then again, this was chung myung — not some run-of-the-mill kind of boy whose head was too big with thier own ego. chung myung had both the ego and the skill. the worst kind of combination one could have, in their opinion.

they couldn't help but let out a sigh as they carefully peel off the blood-soaked bandages and threw them into a bucket next to the bed.

i really hope you'll be more careful.

i am though?

wow. what a way to piss someone off. they feel their face contort into a grimace, shooting him a disapproving glance before getting back to treating his wounds.

they weren't that slick, and chung myung certainly caught that look they gave him. his heart stirred — irritated, he clicked his tongue and huffed as he turned his face away from them.

how childish...

they mutter under their breath, twisting the medicinal cloth ball into his injuries, earning a little jolt from him in response.

you're the one who's childi- ow! you!

he retorted, or well, tried to. he just couldn't understand how someone physically weaker than him could inflict such stinging pains.

actually...

hey who the hell sent you to treat me anyways?

their hands stopped midair, and they raise an eyebrow at his question. really? their expression seemed to ask incredulously.

you think any of the other four want to deal with your shit right now?

well they should, i am mout hua's cutest junior brother.

cute my foot.

he gasped, feigning hurt from their sarcastic reply. how could they do this to him? wasn't he their partner? oh they must not love him anymore...

oh for heaven's sake, quit whining like i just kicked you when your down.

but you did-

oh yeah, cus' you are sooooo easy to love... ugh.

they wrap the fresh bandages around him securely, pulling at the cloth to tighten it's hold. when they were finally satisfied with their handiwork, they smile and slapped his arm reassuringly.

alright, now that that's done, im going to have to empty this bucket.

as they got up to leave, they feel a tug from behind that made them tumble backwards into his arms.

can't you stay here for a bit longer?

no way, i got things to do.

aw... but i got injured, i'm hurt from a fight and i need my lover to kiss me better...

they look at him, horrified at his uncharacteristic behaviour. maybe the side effects of the poison were worse than they'd previously thought.

just before chung myung started to whine again, the door slid open — instinctively he shoved them down the bed and rolled over to face the wall.

baek cheon walked in, his face pulled into a pained look. he had only heard the loud thud of their bottom hitting the floorboards, ouch.

you good? i can't believe he'd push you off like that...

the senior brother helped them back to their feet, and after making sure they were fine, checked on his troublesome junior brother too.

well at least this one seems to be doing better.

oh he'd better.

they let out a dry laugh at their own comment, motioning at baek cheon to leave as well.

chung myung sighed and finally rolled back over when he heard the door click shut. and just as he was about to relax, the door slid open again —

i forgot to take the bucket, oops.

they scurried over to pick it up and just as they got back up, they bend over to place a quick peck on his forehead.

the now flustered chung myung was rendered utterly speechless.

you... you...

they grin mischievously.

i'll be back again tonight. don't miss me too much now.

chung myung could only watch as they skipped away, not knowing how red his whole face had become.

[inamindfarfaraway]

AITA for paying my employee minimum wage?

I can’t believe I’m doing this, but I suppose unusual events may call for unusual responses. I (male in my 70s) am a wealthy businessman, landlord and moneylender, making most of my income from rent and debts. My clerk (male in his 30s) is my only employee. He has a family with a few kids, not sure how many. I pay him a perfectly respectable minimum wage for his position and I even gave all of tomorrow off with pay for Christmas, despite my opinion that a frivolous holiday is not that good a reason to skip work. He’s worked for me for many years and never once complained about his pay or conditions. He might not particularly enjoy his job either, but he doesn’t have to. It’s work, not play. Hell, I don’t particularly enjoy my job.

However, this evening… I heard another point of view. You’d never believe me if I told you everything and it feels like a dream - I’d certainly like it to be a dream, but I don’t see how I could have thought of it - but let’s just say that I was visited by an old friend. He’d been my business partner (male in his late 60s). Seven years ago he… left and I never expected to see him again. He came back though, apparently just to tell me off. He’s not doing well. He’s been travelling among all sorts of people and deeply disturbed by what he’s seen. The plight of ‘mankind’ and all that. He made a big deal about how I should be nicer to people and more generous and such, as if it were a matter of life and death. Last I knew we were on the same page about everything, but just now he looked at me like I was a criminal. Or an asshole, as it were. I don’t understand it.

I want to stress that nothing I’m doing is illegal. None of my business, none of how I treat my clerk. Well, I imagine that technically, if you were being harsh, you could argue that occasionally my conduct toward him falls under ‘harassment’, but I think that’s a stretch. When I’m strict, it’s out of valid concern for productivity. I am truly dedicated to my work; all I ask is that my clerk be the same. If he needs more money so badly, he should have the guts to ask for it and explain himself (I’d still have to consider my answer, but at least I’d know that he felt that way) or just find a different job or perhaps, heaven forbid, be a bit more financially responsible. If he has to scrape together Christmas festivities, maybe he shouldn’t bother celebrating it at all, for example. Why spend his money on that instead of food or clothes? Or keeping or investing it? I’ve saved as much as possible and I’m all the better off for it. I think it’s far more likely that he simply wants more than he deserves - if he does want a raise, which he hasn’t said! He agreed to this pay. We made an arrangement, and based on the stable routine of all these years, it benefits both of us. I don’t know why my friend thinks there’s a problem.

But he does. He was… he was seriously unhappy with me. I’ve never known him to be so sentimental, and he wouldn’t get that emotional for absolutely no reason, so here I am. Am I ‘the asshole’ for paying my employee a completely legal and normal minimum wage?

Update:

I think I probably am the asshole here. I’ve read your feedback, done a lot of reflection, taken quite the walk down memory lane, and among other things I remembered my old boss and how he treated me. He dominated so much of my life, he could have done the bare minimum or made me miserable, but he was nice. He just chose to be kind. Like he asked “Why not?” when I always tend to ask “Why?”. And he payed me better than I pay my employee, especially relative to his income. I can definitely afford to give my clerk a raise, and treat him with more respect while I’m at it. Authority is a powerful thing. I’ve… I’ve been taking advantage of it. I’ve been taking my clerk for granted. But he’s a good worker and he deserves to be rewarded. I’ll raise his pay when he comes back in on Boxing Day.

Thank you for your advice. I don’t appreciate the insults - I am not a parasite, I have pulled myself up with my own honest work, and there’s nothing wrong with getting ahead when it’s eat or be eaten. We all do what we have to do. But I should also do more. So in hindsight, much of your criticism was accurate and warranted. Good for you. I know it’s a bad time and you must all busy and/or tired. I wasn’t planning to stay up this late. I will now hopefully get some sleep.

Should I say goodbye? I don’t know what I’m doing, I’ve never done this before. What the hell, why not? Goodnight.

Update:

So. Some more stuff happened and I ended up going for a… a walk, an extremely normal walk, and meeting my clerk’s family. Or at least seeing them. It’s hard to explain. What time is on your computer clocks, by the way? I think mine is broken. Anyway, my clerk is like, Poor. Poor poor. And I’m a huge asshole. I knew theoretically that the minimum wage and the living wage are not the same, but I never really thought about the effects of that, I didn’t want to think about it, but I am now! I’m beyond an asshole, I’m a piece of shit!

This family, they’re struggling so much and they have so many other problems and I’ve kept them living on a pitiful salary. One of their children is sick. I don’t know exactly what it is, but it’s bad and it’s getting worse. There is a treatment that could help him, but it’s expensive and they can’t afford it, his parents know they can’t afford it, and if he doesn’t get it… I don’t know how long this kid has left. He’s the sweetest little boy and he might not even grow up. These parents love their kids with everything they have, but they can’t fix this. But! But I’m right here! I’ve been right here with all this money all this time, and I never bothered to ask about his family or care or help. It would have been so easy. I wish I’d realised all of this years earlier. I’m such a piece of shit. But I still have time and a plenty of money. I’m going to help. I’ll do everything I can. I promise.

Also, I am sorry for my replies to some of your comments on my original post. I was spiteful and insensitive. I’ve been… very angry for a very long time, more at the world in general than anything else, and in the habit of taking it out on whoever I could. I need to stop that. I’ll add it to the list. Consider those replies redacted. Once again, thank you for your feedback and goodnight. Merry Christmas. I hope you get enough sleep if you’re awake in my time zone at this hour.

update

do you ever think about how we’re all going to die? we could all die at any moment. we never know when we never know how much time we get and that’s why life is sososo precious and you have to use it wisely. but i have not! done that! i’m old i could die any day now. i could die today and what would i have to show? for my entire great big life? loads of money i’m never gonna use? i always thought that how much of something you had was about how you spent it. money and time. what you get is what you give or deserve. but it’s not! it’s mostly just luck and other people. most rich people are just born rich already. then it’s easy to get richer from there. i wasn’t born rich not really but i had a lot of help, a good school, a good boss, my friend, and now that i am rich i do less work for more money. it’s not fair. i’ve fucked up so much for so long and yet i have so much money and i’ve had so much time and i’ve wasted both of them. i don’t need all that money in the first place but that’s what i’ve spent my whole life on, why? what’s the point?

and then on the other hand you have the fact that. children are dying right now. whenever you’re reading this. loads and load of them all over when they don’t have to. fucking kids. and innocent people good people amazing people who are happy who make people happy who use their time infinitely better than i have don’t earn any reward. they don’t get any justice. most people have less than they need and meanwhile so many bastards have so much more. why? what’s the point of it?

why is it like this? why is the world like this? like we waste so much food and water and money so why don’t we just give it to poor people if we’re not going to use it? why do you have to pay for it if there’s so much why can’t? and like rent why do people have to pay rent? why can’t you just live somewhere? or medicine why do you have to pay for that? it’s. it’s life! why do we have to pay for LIFE when you don’t choose to be born? it’s not right.

and i know that there are laws and politics deciding those big things. but we can still make it better right? we can make a difference can’t we? even though there are so many massive problems like poverty and war and hunger and so many people who aren’t helping when they could. it still matters right? being good. even though you’re just one person. right?

why do kids have to die when they don’t have to die

it’s not fair. it’s not fair

i’m sorry. i shouldn’t even be posting this. it’s just venting and rambling and it probably doesn’t make any sense. i swear to god i’m not drunk or high i’m just having a really weird night. it’s like i’ve shut out a million things over decades and tonight they’re all flooding in at once.

i just. i feel like i’m dying and i need to get these thoughts out of my head. i need to know that they’re real and i’m real and i’m alive. i need to know that it matters.

i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.

UPDATE!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not dead and I don’t think I’m crazy, I honestly feel the best I have in ages, and I will not elaborate on last night because that’ll only raise more questions but I will say this! I paid for my clerk’s Christmas dinner and I’m gonna give him a gigantic raise! I also donated a fuckton to charity! Thank you all so much I love you!!!!!

Update:

Happy Boxing Day, everyone. After that rollercoaster, I thought I ought to formally conlude this strange saga. My clerk came back to work this morning and I gave him his raise and a profound apology, as well as paid leave until a couple of days after New Year’s. To call him surprised would be an understatement. It was very fun. I totally understand if he chooses to get a new job now, but I hope we keep in touch. He’s a wonderful person. And I’d like to know if his son will be okay.

Although I haven’t got far yet (I’ve been catching up with family, I was the asshole there too, but no need to dump that baggage on you now that it’s being resolved), I am planning to make some major reforms to my business strategies. I’ve lowered rent on my properties to something affordable, for a start. I’m also researching charities and community projects. I have a great deal of moral debt to redeem. You can make a difference and I’m gonna prove it.

Many thanks for your support and concern, and rest assured that I’m in about as good health as I can be at this age, with the caveat of a mild hangover after a Christmas party. Turns out I like parties. I am processing that… ah, crisis, and I have people who care about me and a strong resolve to ground me. I will look into therapy.

I wish you all the best. I meant it, so I’ll repeat it: I love you. And my old friend, if you’re reading this wherever you are now, thank you for that intervention. It was worth it. I hope you’re doing better and we can talk again someday.

[coraniaid]

The dynamics of Season 7 (and Buffy's worldbuilding more generally) would make so much more sense if

a new Slayer was called when Buffy died in The Gift (she just didn't show up in Sunnydale during Season 6 because ... well, why would she? Before Buffy, it's not like any other Slayer we know of did and there's no big apocaplytic event happening in Sunnydale until the very end of the season she would have had to investigate; this would also explain why the Watcher's Council don't come back that season)

that new Slayer was Kennedy (I like Kennedy fine, and I think the fandom's constant ranking of her as one of the show's worst characters is pretty suspect, but she would make so much more sense in her role as an oppositional voice to Buffy's -- and later Faith's -- leadership of the group if she was actually a novice Slayer and not just a random teenage girl with a dead Watcher and some opinions and no actual superpowers)

I mean, I know that fandom has this whole thing about Faith (and Kendra before her) being "the active Slayer" (a term I don't believe is ever uttered on the show), but ... Other than Joss Whedon (allegedly) saying this is an interview (I've never seen the interview in question, but I'm willing to grant it exists, I guess), what is there in the show to suggest this is true? Only the fact that no new Slayer shows up in Season 7, right?

The thing is, you don't need to have had Kendra or Faith be "the active Slayer" all along to explain away the lack of a new Slayer after The Gift. The show might not ever talk about "active Slayers", but it does repeatedly talk about how Buffy's death that episode was different from the norm and why the usual rules don't apply as a result. The very reasons Willow gives as excuses for resurrecting Buffy in Bargaining -- "this isn't like anything we've dealt with before ... Buffy didn't die a natural death, she was killed by mystical energy ... we don't know where [her soul] really is ... she could be trapped" -- can very easily become excuse for why this particular death wouldn't have triggered a new Slayer. Presumably no Slayer who died before did so by jumping into a hell god's interdimensional portal. Having the Slayer's essence "trapped" in some other dimension (whether heaven or hell or somewhere else) seems like it could easily interfere with the usual rules of Slayer succession. Ignorning everything outside the show, we don't actually know that a new Slayer wouldn't have been called if Buffy had died a more ordinary death; the question simply never comes up.

(If it was Whedon's idea that Faith was the "active Slayer" all along, I don't believe it was something he decided on until Season 6 at the earliest: you can find online Buffy discussions from around that time where the writers are apparently still being coy about the possibility of a new Slayer that season. For that matter, apparently the writers were still suggesting in the gap between Seasons 2 and 3 that maybe there'd be no Slayer called to replace Kendra.)

I mean, the thing is: it's Buffy's show. A reading where Buffy is arguably not the real Slayer for most of the show's run just doesn't feel right to me.

In-universe, to the extent it comes up at all between Season 2 and Season 6, people seem to think Buffy's death would lead to another Slayer being called (the Mayor certainly thinks it's a possibility in Season 3's Enemies, for example). Buffy is very frequently referred to as "the" Slayer, not "a" Slayer, including by people who should know these things. And why do the Watcher's Council consistently seem to care so much more about Buffy than Faith? (They don't even send a new Watcher for Faith until Buffy's own Watcher is fired and Buffy also 'needs' a new Watcher; isn't this a bit weird if Faith was 'the' Slayer all this time?)

People like to read Beljoxa's Eye in Season 7's Showtime as claiming the First's plan to kill off all the Slayers is possible because Willow bringing Buffy back disrupted "the Slayer line" by making Buffy "the active Slayer" again. (In Season 7, Buffy is apparently back to believing a new Slayer will be called if she dies, even though that obviously didn't happen last time.) But neither the Eye nor anyone else ever says this explicitly. The nearest we get is Anya and Giles deciding that the problem was Buffy's resurrection: there's no further discussion of who was and who now is the "active" Slayer.

But you can fix all this worldbuilding snarl and explain Kennedy's prominence in Season 7 relative to the other Potentials (over the course of the season Kennedy gets almost as much dialogue as all the rest of them combined) so easily if you just make Kennedy a third Slayer, right from the start. You honestly wouldn't even need to rewrite the scripts for Season 7 much to adapt to this new bit of lore.

(But you should rewrite them anyway, because they are often very bad.)

[stardust-arcade]

Jack. They've gone though magic hell. Certainly they get a explanation?

Yah! What do you mean only if you want to?

Well what I mean is that magic is complicated. Black Star doesn't even know the secrets behind everything. Knowledge of magic is sometimes too much for some. It does not improve or make your life simpler. You've lived plenty of your lives without it and you still can. There are only certain scenarios like Eclipse here where you can't do that.

So what you're saying is that it's up to our personal opinion?

Essentially yes. The only thing I will state is that if you want to know about magic. You have to train with me. Never again am I going to explain the basics to someone and leave them be.

So it's either train with you, or simply live with the knowledge that magic exists for the rest of our lives?

Yes.

Well I don't care if I'm going to be training with you. I'm learning magic.

Brother are you certain? I know you probably have concerns. But eclipse is going to be taught, and we can always call Jack if there are issues.

I know that. I'm still learning. All of you have your hobbies and interests. All I have is the daycare. May as well have my own hobby.

Well. That's spoken. -Wha!- anyone else have a particular interest?

I want to say yes, but something keeps saying no.

I can guess what is telling you no. And I assure you. Nothing will happen if you were to learn.

What's that mean?

Some people are just unable to learn magic past the knowledge of it. You are one of those people.

How do you even know that? I mean you're letting him in.

Grr

I can see things that others don't. And trust me. I know who is right and wrong.

*Mumble*

Anyone else?

I am going to leave the magic for you. Just know that I'm probably going to have quite a bit of conversations.

As long as they don't tell you how it works. I believe knowledge of it is fine. Is that all the worries?

Should we get rid of the machine?

Oh no, come on!

The machine should be fine. As long as Eclipse isn't using magic around it. It will act normal. Might be best to not use it when eclipses close until they can control it though.

Oh thank heavens, this is one of my favorites.

Well I'm glad for you. Eclipse, Sun. You can either join Blackstar in the morning, or come in the afternoon. We can figure out a better schedule tomorrow.

I'll probably come in the afternoon. Most of the kids are picked up, and moon is available to cover me.

Great. That means I can bring Eclipse, and not deal with any of your stuff.

Please no fighting. It's already been stressful.

Agreed. Some rest would probably be best for everybody. Although I need a ride back home.

I can probably take you back. I believe you're establishment is somewhere west right? I'll be heading that way. Have to pick up something.

Thank you. Oh! Black Star.

Yah?

Other than bringing over eclipse. Take a day off.

Oh. Ok?

Anyways. Let's be off. Boy do I have a story to tell.

[honeyedache]

Juliet felt her cheeks grow flushed with concern, with perhaps swelled anger that bubbled up - but she quite pushed it down. These were questions that roamed Juliet's head as well, but the young woman in front of her would not let up. Her very hands shook with emotion, and for a moment, she had to look away, for she couldn't conceal the disappointment in her eyes, the way the woman's words made her feel. Turning back though as she gathered strength, Juliet cleared her throat, looking at her with eyes of defiance and care.

"Your words are not cruel, Miss Heywood, not at all - and I understand your grace concern. I really do - and it is commendable that you wish to protect your dear brother. I only wish you could see that I would rather die than allow anything to happen to him. I would feel very much inclined, again, to ask these same questions and so I will answer them, no matter." Juliet looked at her, quite head on. "I intend to tell Lady and Lord Thorpe the moment your brother honors me with a proposal, which we have spoken about. I will detail every last moment of our time together and what our intentions are - and as your brother's betrothed, I will be entirely blessed and need nothing else. I will not ask for approval, not from you, not from my dear family, not from anyone for it does not matter. When your brother asks me to be his wife, there will be no thinking nor pause - I will say yes." Juliet shared, eyebrow arched.

"You must respect and understand that timing is everything - and I certainly could not go to Lady or Lord Thorpe with an ill thought out plan and a man that I was not betrothed to - surely if I did, they would send me away or perhaps send your brother away. By becoming engaged, it proves to them to be far more serious and that is what I wish - to be taken the utmost serious." Juliet explained, her knees shaking at the idea of being sent away from her Oliver. It surely would not occur - she would rather die than be away from him. "Miss Heywood, I quite understand what I am saying and the seriousness that I mean. Would I risk my good name, my everything if I did not? Let society scorn us - I do not care and furthermore, I do not care for Lady Whistledown's opinion, my family's opinion - no one's but Oliver's." She chuckled, shaking her head.

"My maids, my guards, my true people that I adore and love in my household will not abandon me - and so we will not be alone in protecting ourselves. However, with station or not, grace or not, you should know that God himself could not stop me from protecting your brother. If anyone wished to harm him, heaven and hell would have to reign down upon us and if you do not believe me, then it is you who looks rather foolish. I do not need prestige, nor anything else to protect Oliver - but you should know I do not forsee my staff, my loyal people, to forsake me, as Oliver is one of them and a dear friend, a dear worker. Have you no faith in your brother's ability to have loyal friends to protect him, as do I? He will not walk alone in any regard - I will not allow it."

Juliet let out a shaky breath - all of it coming at her in a way that made her head spin, but she still kept her composure well.

"Let the Ton whisper about and let Mayfair be scandalized then! Let them try and ruin your brother's name, but he will have those who know his heart, his soul like me and the many serving staff that know how hard he works, how much he has given to them, sacrificed for them. They will not turn their backs on him, as he has never turned his back on them. Loyalty goes both ways - and your brother has a spotless, caring, wonderful name in this town and that will prevail." Juliet spoke, tears coming to her eyes as she did so.

"Miss Heywood, your brother and I scarcely care for what others will believe or think - and we both know how difficult this has proven to be. You scarcely know how hard it has been for us - what comes next will hardly compare. Let the town come with pitchforks - at least we will be together. You know nothing of the sacrifices we have already made for one another, the pain we have had to deal with keeping ourselves hidden - once we are free of it all, none of it truly matters as long as we are together. Through fire or in hell - I walk with your brother and not look back. That is what love is - what is what I know from Oliver. That is what he has taught me."

Juliet felt a tear run down her cheek, out of passion, out of love for Oliver, out of disappointment and of course, thinking of her dear family, her beloved cousins and little Emily that she adored. Juliet knew that this would jeopardize their name, sweet Emily's name, but if only Miss Heywood could see how Emily's face lit up when she saw Oliver. The little girl adored the butler, and it made Juliet only fall more and more in love with him. They would have to understand it - and maybe one day Emily will find love like she has.

"I apologize for any inconvenience that this will cause you, truly, Miss Heywood, I do." She paused, looking back up at her. "Perhaps it is this cruel society that we live in where one cannot love freely who they love - and perhaps it should be to blame. I will never apologize though for loving your brother - I simply cannot - not when he has given me daylight upon the darkest skies of my life. I see that I will not change your mind and you will not change mine - and so we are at quite the stalemate, are we not?" Juliet's voice was soft, doe eyes teary in the moment.

"I might very well be as selfish as you think - but I know Oliver enough to know that he has spent all of his life doing what others asked of him, working hard for others and believe it or not - I have as well. It is why we saw each other the way we did - and perhaps it is time we are selfish, and if not for anything, for each other and ourselves, for love, for our happiness. I pray one day you might see that."

Juliet had to softly smirk to herself and sigh, swallowing hard. "There was a time ago when Miss Juliet Thorpe would have stomped her feet, cried and screamed until she got what she desired - but that girl does not stand before you anymore. I want scarcely nothing else besides Oliver - the Ton can take my good name, my reputation, and all that comes with it. All I dearly want is Oliver."

Alice let out a quiet, humorless laugh as she smoothed the fabric in her hands, her fingers moving with practiced ease. “Miss Thorpe, I would love for you to speak frankly, because nothing about this picture you’ve painted is frank. It is poetic, dramatic even, but it is not reality.” She turned to face Juliet, her sharp eyes gleaming with something between amusement and exasperation. Alice’s gaze changed, her expression unreadable. “I do not say this to be cruel, Miss Thorpe. I say it because you must hear it. You may be used to getting what you want, but this is not a gown, nor a ball invitation. This is your life. This is Oliver’s life. And despite all your pretty words, you have yet to answer my most pressing question: if you love him so truly, why have you done nothing? Why has he done nothing? If this love is as deep as you claim, why is it still a secret whispered in the dark, rather than a truth faced in the light?” She did not know the timeline of their relationship but if they were so in love as they claimed, it was time to make a move. Alice and Oliver arrived only a year ago, and they are already speaking in absolutes? It was foolish.

Alice tilted her head, watching Juliet with the same critical eye she used when assessing an ill-fitted gown. “Words are cheap, Miss Thorpe. You paint a lovely picture of sacrifice and undying love, but forgive me if I do not put stock in it. I appreciate boldness—I truly do—but boldness without action is just a pretty little thing with no substance.” Alice knew many women who declared such things, only to crumble the moment their comfort was threatened. Love is a powerful thing, but it is not so powerful as hunger, nor so steadfast as a roof over one’s head.

She took a step closer, lowering her voice slightly. “Do you even understand what you are saying? What you are risking? You believe you can stand between Oliver and the weight of your family’s disapproval, of society’s scorn? That your name, your title, will be enough to protect him from the consequences of this… romantic notion of yours?” Alice let out another soft, incredulous laugh. If her brother’s livelihood weren’t at stake, her reaction would’ve been bolder. Alice began moving around her shop, continuing her work while speaking. “You are ignorant if you believe that. You think your word alone could shield him, but your authority is tied to your station, and without it, you are nothing in their eyes. And if you are nothing, Miss Thorpe, then your promises are nothing. Do you truly believe the whispers of the ton will bend to your will? Mayfair thrives on scandal—it feeds on it, twists it, makes it something altogether worse. You say you will take the blame? That you will bear the consequences?” She paused in her work, shaking her head, her expression hardening. “That is not how this works. It will never be just about you. The moment this gets out, Oliver will bear the weight of it, no matter your intentions. You say you will protect him, but it will be your name that ensures he is torn apart.” It appeared common sense and nobility weren’t mutually exclusive.

Alice turned away, adjusting the mannequin before her with precise, measured movements. “And then there are the others who will suffer. Have you thought of them? Your siblings, who will have to carry the shame of your choices? Their marriages, their futures—cast into question because of you? Your friends, who will be shunned for standing by you? And yes, even me. Do you think I am fool enough to believe this would not touch my livelihood? I have spent years securing my place in this world, Miss Thorpe. I know how fragile a woman’s reputation can be, even without noble blood. When—because I do say when, not if—this plan of yours collapses, I will have to pick up the pieces of my own life, and my brother’s, while you are left lamenting what could have been. And yet, despite all this, you still come to me, expecting what? My blessing?” She turned back to Juliet then, her expression impassive but her eyes sharp. “You are selfish, Miss Thorpe. If you are so keen to put everyone you claim to love through the agony of your choices, then by all means—go ahead. Throw yourself into disgrace. But do not stand before me, expecting me to nod along as if you are some great martyr. Do not think that coming here and making grand declarations has changed my mind in the slightest.”

Alice took a slow breath, her voice steady, unwavering. “You say you always get what you want. But tell me this, Miss Thorpe—what happens when you don’t?” She stares at Juliet, waiting for another poetic explanation to come. Alice’s mind was made up.

[tainbocuailnge]

So a friend of mine who I talk with about FGO says Ashiya Douman is one of the most irredeemable assholes in all of FGO b/c his acts of evil were way more personal than most antagonists and he was ALWAYS like this (it isn't just servant BS), the entire reason the Heian-Kyo story exists is b/c Chaldea is going after him so even Ritsuka should hate him. I just want to know how much of a monster he truly is or if my friend is just SUPER fixating on the bad parts (it helps to get other opinions).

obligatory disclaimer that i read heian kyo in the form of fallacies' fantranslations and I'm still in atlantis on NA

at the end of heian kyo we get a scene of the living ashiya douman trying to kill himself because he knows all the crimes caster of limbo committed were rooted in feelings that he indeed harbours and it horrifies him. he's horrified that all it took to break him was hearing "at this rate you'll never surpass seimei even once" in his own voice. he's horrified that he's capable of doing the things caster of limbo did and his sense of morality says he should kill himself for knowing the conditions under which he will break. it's seimei who talks him out of it, even though seimei knows douman in panhuman history was nearing his breaking point at this time and would soon indeed start committing numerous great evils.

is ashiya douman an irredeemable person? caster of limbo, who is ashiya douman's inferiority complex over forever being seimei's ridiculed rival combined with two gods who are both ill-defined but likewise designated as targets for hatred, wants you to believe this, because the purpose given to him by the alien god is to be an insufferable irredeemable clown bastard. ashiya douman also believes this, because the feelings at the root of caster of limbo are real. is it true though?

although the historical abe no seimei is widely known and beloved, and ashiya douman is consequently almost as much of a household name, not much is known about douman at all beyond the few stories where he gets clowned on to make seimei look better. is douman a villain just because we mostly know him from stories where the hero defeats him? caster of limbo was unable to become a beast of humanity because he lacked the love for humanity necessary to become a stepping stone for humanity's growth. he also failed to become a plague upon humanity because ashiya douman does not hate humanity and does not want to destroy it. ultimately, all he ever wanted was simply to surpass his friend and rival seimei even just once.

limbo is the afterlife for people not evil enough for hell and not good enough for heaven. when he tries to do good he fails to become a hero. when he tries being evil he fails to become the final boss. there is much evil in ashiya douman, certainly, and you need far more than two hands to count his crimes. there is much evil in many people, and there are many circumstances in which it will reveal itself. he's good at psychologically torturing people because he's intimately familiar with how insecurities can ruin a person and his job as alter ego was to bring out the worst in people. his acts of evil are way more personal than most others because he has no greater goal he wants to achieve, he has no other purpose than to be an insufferable irredeemable clown until he's backed into a corner and realizes that he does have something he wants to achieve, namely proving that he can achieve anything at all.

if you ask me, ashiya douman's character is meant to make you ask how useful "redeemability" even is in assessing a person's worth. when playing house with nursery rhyme he requests the role of mother in law because the nature of his legend is to be the hated person that makes everyone else look better by comparison, regardless of anything he actually did. he's obsessed with people who lost something important to them that they want to get back at all cost, and he gets his claws in them by offering them a way to get revenge, to show those who wronged them what they can really do. he wants to help just as much as he wants to hurt, and in many of the cases in the game those two end up being the same thing and mostly causing a lot of problems for everyone and especially chaldea, but that doesn't exclude that there are circumstances in which he would have helped more than hurt. if things were different maybe he wouldn't have ended up like this, and who's to say things can't still be different?

is ashiya douman irredeemable? this is not the right question to ask in this game. nobody in fate is ever truly irredeemable as long as they're willing to learn and grow, and alter ego ashiya douman shows up in chaldea so that he might learn to understand love.

[ibasae]

Sprout*Waning Hermitage - Wednesday 2

Shu: ...(chewing)

(Aaah, rich fragrance fills my nostrils the second I bite into it! This bakery's croissant is an unmatched perfection, after all...!)

(Having some croissants from this place is almost the first thing I do whenever I come back to Japan!)

(I wonder what made the difference? The flour...salt...? Or is it the water...)

(If it's possible, I'd like to figure out the recipe so I can bring it to France with me. That way, I'd get to taste this every day.)

(The bread overseas just can't compare, I can't stand it... Although, some of it is tolerable.)

(But in the end, Japanese-made bread suits Japanese people's tastes the most. Even if you disregard that, the bread from this bakery is a top tier delicacy.)

(Huu--- perfect croissants and a cup of delicious coffee. This is what a breakfast in heaven looks like, my day is ought to be filled with happiness after this.)

Mika: ...[1]

Shu: Ack! K-Kagehira?! Don't just stand at the door without saying anything! You could seriously give someone a heart attack.

Mika: ...

Shu: ...Kagehira? Are you still not awake? Pull yourself together. Since when were you this sleepy in the mornings? It's not like you're Rei.

Shu: Did you stay up all night seeking entertainment?

Mika: ...

Shu: Kagehira...? Can you hear me? Are you quite alright?

Mika: ! Uwah?!

Shu: Uwaaaah?! W-what the hell?! Why are you so loud all of a sudden?!

Mika: Eh?! Oshi-san, What's wrong? When did ya get there?

Shu: I'm the one that should be asking that! Is there something unusual about me having breakfast in the kitchen?

Mika: Um...Kitchen? Uwah, yer right! This is the kitchen! Why am I in the kitchen?!

Shu: ....

Mika: Oshi-san....? Why are ya makin' that scary face?

Shu: Kagehira! Have youlost your mind from sleeping so much? You are way too relaxed. Do you not remember that we are in the middle of a new song's touch-up?

Mika: Eh~? But I really weren't slackin' off! I found myself here unconsciously....

Shu: That's why I said you slept too much.

Mika: Ngah~ I might've gone silly from sleeping then. Even though I don't think that's the case...

Shu: Non! Seriously...Have some self respect, you are a member of Valkyrie! You have to straighten up your attitude in your daily life.

I will be especially hard on you in today's practice, mentally prepare yourself. Perhaps that will straighten up your mind.

Well, time is precious. Let's head to the ES building and begin today's practice session.

Mika: ♪~ ♪~

Shu: ...!

Mika: 'M done.

Shu: W-well that's... fantastic! Kagehira! You managed to achieve this amount of progress in one day...!

Shu: You are exactly like a marionette. You are even better at it than you were in past Valkyrie! Spectacular job, Kagehira!

Hm, but now the stage isn't good enough for your dancing... Then I'll cooperate with Kagehira and change up the decorations...

Hm, yeah. I'll have to use the plan that I thought was too difficult to execute....

Mika: ...

Shu: Huh? Oh, yeah. My apologies. I was lost in my own world for a second.

"Acanthe" is the catalyst of Kagehira's thoughts, as well. So I should ask your opinions on things.

To match your acting, I'd like to include this change in the stage decorations. How do you feel?

Mika: ...Sure.

Shu: Then, you can rest assured I'll be taking good care of the stage decorations. I'll match it to your current acting level, and we'll have the most perfect of performances.

Mika: ...

Shu: ? Kagehira?

You aren't nearly as energized as you usually are... are you perhaps tired?

Hm, to achieve this level of perfection, you must have worked hard outside of practice.

Let's end practice early then. That suits me too, I can properly study how we can change up the current decorations.

Go to your room and rest well, Kagehira.

Mika: ...

Shu: ? Left without saying a word... That's certainly strange. I've never seen Kagehira so quiet.

Aack. I'll go check on him after I wrap up this bit. I'll go back to my room to finish up the performance design and the stage decorations. Ah, right. I forgot the outfits...

Maybe I'll head to the ES clothing gallery for that, I always think clearer there.

Mika moves with an almost robotic animation in his live2D for the duration of this dialouge, he only snaps out of it when Shu shakes him

[bbhyeoliskooks]

❝𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐄𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲.❞ — INTRODUCTION.

A story in which Yeonjun is your troublemaker guardian angel.

Introduction. | One.

Pairing: GuardianAngel!Choi Yeonjun x Reader (Female)

Genre: 3 cups of fluff <3 served with 9000+ words, slow-burn, guardian angel au, fake bf!au, angst in later chapters

Warnings: Swearing, a little sexual harassment(?)

Playlist: Akin Ka Na Lang, Je Te Veux, Love Is You, Sweet, The One That Got Away

If one word was used to describe Yeonjun, it sure as hell would not be angel. In fact being called the word such as 'angel' when talking to an actual, real one would be a compliment but in this case, the situation was far from simple. With that adorable little innocent face, it would be difficult to believe that he was the one up in heaven causing disaster instead of creating miracles down below just by his presence. Expected tasks like these ‘miracles’ per se were something every angel should do, whether it be protecting or guiding any soul on Earth by their presence, but if Yeonjun had to be honest- he absolutely loathed the thought of being someone’s guardian angel, chained to a soul their entire life. They didn’t even die in the end, so what was the point? If his wings got far enough, he’d leave the moment he was asked to be one- which was inevitable. It was obvious that his thought process was incredibly unique from the other angels, begging for a chance to own freedom, and even he himself shamelessly acknowledged this.

Speaking of which, the disaster wasn’t even that bad once word got around. That bad in the sense that he admitted he indeed laughed at a kid who tripped at a random Walmart, but that kid had it coming- well... respectfully, in his opinion. If something had to be labeled karma, it’d certainly be this, though Yeonjun probably could’ve graced him with some liberality before he abandoned the rest of these expected tasks. Wrath must’ve came out from the Seraphim once they found out, but they couldn’t be that mad at him now, could they? Well... seeing as they haven’t caught his so called “bad behavior” yet, his hope went a long long way. A long long way enough for Yeonjun to feel as if he could keep doing this for an eternity. A long long way enough for him to feel free, like nothing was holding him back as long as he soared with his wings.

But how far could his faithful hope go when he eventually meets you?

Taehyun’s voice was crisp with disappointment, watching the other angel’s diverted facial expressions deviated from the main problem at hand. He felt the necessity to scold the rough angel once again. 

“I’m sorry for pulling you aside, but I fear that because of your behavior, you’ll receive a punishment that is just.”

Just? Or was it something that would make the Seraphim feel better- reassured because they didn’t want any disorder of a second fallen angel in heaven?

He raised his eyebrows, his emotions plainly muddled as he turned his head to the side. The laughter struggling to escape from his chest wasn’t falling out in heaps now.

Yeonjun bit his bottom lip, the air becoming thick with silence as Wooyoung stared at the two whispering bewildered. This scenario with the head of the Seraphim’s closest member most likely meant he did something wrong. It wasn’t everyday that you saw an angel being pulled off to the side by one of the Seraphim head’s closest acquaintances, however whatever it was wouldn’t be too bad, right? Sure, his older “brother” was sneaky at some times- contrary to the good behavior of himself- but he was a good angel at heart and the whole hierarchy knew that. To some extent being understandable, the Seraphim had no right to label him as the upcoming second fallen angel, following in the devil’s footsteps.

Taehyun rolled his eyes, watching Yeonjun’s eyes become lost in a daze.

“Excuse me, if you will pay attention? We’ve noticed that your actions have been quite... problematic recently. I believe that we’ve given you way too many notices, and yet you still continue to break your oaths as an angel. I’m sure you fear the wrath of God, don’t you? Listen up, or else you may not like what else the head of the Seraphim may have to say.”

Yeonjun was stunned as he listened to Taehyun’s harsh words. Ironic enough, his tone was as soft as cotton candy, but the words he was saying was deadly threatening enough to send chills down Yeonjun’s back. He didn’t do anything that remotely wrong to piss them off for good this time, did he? Well despite the fact that he found entertainment in the fact that a cheater was getting what they deserved after a messy situation, it wasn’t an action you’d instantly think as terrible once comparing the two together. It must’ve all piled up then. He could only purse his lips listening to Taehyun ramble on and on as he wondered what punishment the other angel was inquiring about.

“Let’s see what the head of the Seraphim and the board has to say to this. I hope you will become more aware of your actions now.”

After a moment of reflection which meant totally not paying attention to what his punishment was and looking back on his own actions for the day, Yeonjun nodded his head, accepting his so called defeat. So they finally had enough of him, huh? There was nothing else he could do but follow Taehyun into the intricate corridors, somehow filled with blooming life and luminous colors- yet at the same time, still manage create devoid emptiness in Yeonjun’s soul as he feared what the Seraphim had in store for him.

If fear wasn’t on Yeonjun’s plate, it definitely was now. He watched as most of the Seraphim members turned to the side once he arrived, most likely talking about what would seem fit for his punishment. Yeonjun all in all tried not to really think much of the situation, but seeing all of those higher angels eye him down and speak about him in a wrong manner made his soul feel jumpy. He was literally right there watching them too and perhaps if he actually cared, maybe he would try to listen to what they had to say about him. But the thing that really worried him the most was the head of the whole group, Juno, who only smiled and stared at him while Taehyun whispered a couple things to note in his ear- probably analyzing his actions as the most trusted angel on God’s right hand.

It was an understatement to say that it was tiring to see the whole world against him just because he was craving for some freedom, and yet Yeonjun couldn’t say he was surprised. He was talking about the Seraphim, wasn’t he? 

A couple moments later which seemed like an eternity, they all hushed as Yeonjun stood stiffly in the middle of the polished, snow white floor. He wasn’t able to make eye contact with any of them- their gazes were too sharp with disappointment and they’d probably pierce him with one look anyway so why bother trying? He could tell that most of them weren’t fond of him from the way they sent him dirty looks and laughed at his appearance when he walked in. It totally contradicted the definition of the word angel, especially for the high and mighty Seraphim board.

A curt yet soft voice echoed throughout the enormous room. 

“You may be dismissed,” Juno announced brusquely, and the rest of them left as quickly as they arrived. At first he thought it was for him, but it wasn’t that easy. Yeonjun could clearly feel the tension in the air while they departed one by one, and he hoped that whatever they planned for him- it wouldn’t be half as bad as their dissatisfied gazes made it out to be.

Eagerly he took a step towards the polite angel, clenching his fists tightly and hoping that they wouldn’t take his question too rudely. 

“I’m sorry for my question, most highest Seraphim... but what exactly is the point of this? Can’t you just tell me what my punishment is?”

It seemed as if he was amused by this interaction and got up from his chair, taking hold of Yeonjun’s hand as he led him to one of the chambers from the room. The awkwardness that should’ve come out from him was barely recognized, his polite smile encouraging him to do the same.

“Yeonjun, follow us, please? It’ll only be a second.”

Carefully his eyes roamed the walls, only to find a dull golden door in his face. Juno urged him to turn the handle himself, expecting a positive reaction even though the door didn’t seem all that interesting. From the outside there wasn’t anything mind-blowing about it like the boring most expected sheen of sparkles, and yet Yeonjun could easily say it was one of the biggest betrayals his mind could have ever received. 

The way he gasped upon entering, his eyes filling with stars caused both Juno and Taehyun to smile as they pulled him along to his destined location, feeling the same curiosity to what the room had to offer just like every time they went there. White bubbles upon bubbles of human life pictured every single person and their every action, from a little baby wasting tears due to an empty bottle to an old man reading a book by the river, exhaling deeply out into the woody atmosphere. Yeonjun found every moment he witnessed to be beautiful, implausibly more breathtaking than every trinket of rich imaginable sought before. 

Juno carried him along to one of the corners where they all stayed put, just watching the mysteries of life unravel in their very eyes. He reached out to touch one hesitantly, and they all watched it ripple in his hands. It was like every bubble was customized quite distinctively, a quality that made each one charming in their own way. Watching, Yeonjun couldn’t tell if touching it had any effect, but the human inside the little bubble smiled as if an indirect grace touched their short lifetime.

“There’s a reason why we don’t use this room frequently nor open it for anyone to see, and I’m sure you know why. It could be dangerous, if put into the wrong hands. Thankfully nothing has happened to any of these bubbles before, but it was close enough for a fallen angel to reach before we guarded it just in time- which is one of the reasons why we no longer have it open for other angels to see anymore.”

“Oh, yeah! But it’s just so... pretty,” he grinned, spinning around to see billions of small yet breathtaking bubbles somehow fill the tiny chamber. His white gown followed him around with every step he took as he made a promise in his head to watch a million bubbles, truly knowing that there were millions- billions more. He was tempted to touch one as well like Juno did, but that’d probably be dangerous without knowing the proper steps, and he’d probably mess them up somehow.

“It is pretty, isn’t it? That’s why we have to protect each human life and bless them with graces so we can see them up here with us when they crumble.”

Silently the three of them admired each one of the bubbles, iridescent and glowing with the possibilities of human life. Yeonjun watched as one popped up out of the blue suddenly, only for one huge one to disappear into thin air. Those actions themselves signified birth and death itself, from arriving suddenly to evaporating as peacefully once the weight was too much to handle. But his so called punishment didn’t make any sense. Why would they take the darned troublemaker here if he could be great danger to them?

“Well then, why am I here then? If this isn’t something I particularly view as punishment- not to mention that it’s such a gorgeous sight to see, why was I brought here?”

Both Taehyun and Juno shot a knowing, sneaky look at each other which was nothing short of mischievousness causing made him to be all the more confused. Was what they had in mind that bad or were they just hoping he wouldn’t like it?

“Oh, you’ll see,” Juno grinned playfully, “once we find the bubble, then I’m sure you’ll be able to piece it all together. I’m taking it you’re not that dumb to be causing some mishap to all the Seraphim board.”

Once they find the bubble? What bubble? Yeonjun tilted his head to the side in confusion, watching the two angels rearrange every single bubble in the room, hoping to find what they were looking for in the first place. Not soon after an exclamation came from Juno a couple feet away from him. 

“Ah, here it is!”

In the bubble was a human girl, biting her lip in concentration as she wrote something down in her notebook, listening to someone present an important speech full of vital information. She was doing her best to pay attention with how fast she wrote, but he could tell that her mind was somewhere else compared to the tedious room. He wondered what was on her mind and longed to know more. You could say that Yeonjun was interested in the thought of human life itself, but everything else begged to differ once he saw her. The girl’s features were simply charming, and the first thing Yeonjun thought to himself when he saw her was the word ‘beautiful.’

Softly smiling, he watched her close up the journal and leave the room with other people following suit. He wasn’t sure what fond feeling he was getting from seeing her carry her books out the door and wander through the hallways, but it seemed Juno and Taehyun noticed this and glanced at each other with a smirk, considering he would somehow enjoy this job even if he said he hated it. 

“It seems you like her already,” Taehyun teased, taking the bubble away from Juno's hands, “you asked what you were doing, right? After this, Yeonjun, I’m proud to announce as the head of the Seraphim that your job is to keep watch over her as her guardian angel. I’m sure you’ll have no problem doing it?”

Her guardian angel...? Him as a guardian angel?!

They couldn’t be serious!

In a moment of hesitation he paused, his lips tainted with a taste of dissatisfaction. Out of everything they could make him do, they decided to assign him as his guardian angel? All of that fondness that came with that girl disappeared in only a second, and he exasperatedly sighed, upset. His mind was reeling with questions, making him blurt out the only thing he could say at that time.

“You want me to watch that?” He chuckled in disbelief to himself, pointing at the clumsy human girl who fell over her own shoes at one of the hallways in the building. 

“That person’s a mess! Can’t you give me any higher position? With all due respect, I don’t want to be a babysitter for eternity!”

Juno raised an eyebrow at Yeonjun’s complaining, dumbfounded mouth opening to a mocking expression once he heard those words. It was a good thing that he’d come to change his mind once he realized he wanted to protect her, but for now he’d be stuck being ignorant with a worthless opinion. 

“A babysitter for eternity? That’s what you think of guardian angels’ jobs? Unfortunately with this human, their last guardian angel wasn’t able to complete their task. They made themselves known, and we regrettably had to break them apart. It’s good enough that they were only friends but even so... it would be a threat to humanity if our kind got too close.”

Yeonjun’s eyes widened upon hearing this, looking once more at the bubble where the girl was dusting off her knees from the fall. She looked... happy, as if nothing was wrong- like that event with her last guardian angel never happened. He then glanced down to the ground, becoming too curious for his own good to not care.

“How did you know they got too close? And what was her reaction when you separated the two of them?”

This time, the expressions of Juno and Taehyun were grim and they put the bubble away, moving it far away so Yeonjun could no longer see it. He wasn’t sure why. 

“It was simple enough. We got a complai- report from God, and they had to say goodbye for both of their own goods. It was harder on the guardian angel since we wiped out the child’s memory, but... it caused irreparable damage that we could never fix. Hence, why we should never show ourselves to a human though only in the case of an emergency.”

Something in Yeonjun’s gut- if you could call it that- told him that that reason they found out the dangerous friendship wasn’t entirely the truth. It was something more... something more, but clearly the refined angels wouldn’t tell him.

They filed out the special room one by one and Yeonjun shot a longing glance at the girl’s glittery bubble, hidden in the far back. Maybe he wasn’t being rational, but freedom was more important than whatever you had to bring once he got to know you. He wasn’t exactly sure how he was going to do it, but surely he would fail his task too like the last one and never have to be held down as a babysitter ever again. He’d sabotage his given mission to some extent... just so that he wouldn’t have to do a job as wearily as this.

Taehyun’s intrigued voice brought him out of his trance, clearing his throat as he softly asked, “so... will you be her guardian angel? We don’t want you to face God, you know.”

Although Yeonjun wasn’t happy, he just nodded his head with reluctance. Maybe this’ll be better for him, a part of him said, but most of him was in agreement that he would never become fond of you ever. It was pathetic enough they assigned him to do this, and because of it he’d never see his friends most of the time since he’ll obviously be protecting you 24/7. Hoping that this nightmare would be over soon he sighed, staring down into the abyss where Earth and heaven met below.

“Okay, fine. I’ll be her guardian angel.”

Juno and Taehyun smiled at each other at this, and the distance between Yeonjun and them became even farther as he spread his wings. 

“We trust you, Yeonjun, and we know you’ll do well. Everything will be okay if you obey the rules.”

He just closed his eyes and jumped down, taking a deep deep breath as their voices became nothing but a whisper. The icy wind against his cheeks felt like freedom as he looked for you silently, shooting through the air with grace and begrudging dedication. It definitely wouldn’t be the last time he searched for you, but he was hopeful everything would be okay.

That is, wishing aimlessly that you wouldn’t be a handful for him once he got to know you. 

The day that Yeonjun met you was the day that he wanted to fly back up to heaven and actually face God himself. It was literally that bad, and that angel who was originally your guardian angel when you were younger was lucky not to have experienced any of your mood swings. He hated being insinuated as a babysitter, but now his job was even worse due to the fact that it was you.  

At first, Yeonjun was keen on the sole purpose of sabotaging his mission so that the Seraphim would find something much better for him to do. Taking in the fact that he never liked you the moment he set eyes on you... well that was a black lie for himself to confidently state- that lie itself would be beneficial in some way and he had to show that or else they’d send him back to you. He never even considered you to be someone he should guide or take care of whenever you were in trouble, the first time he laid eyes on you. But that was a painful lie too, and he actually thought you were harmless until you quickly proved him wrong...?

There was no reason to apparently make him a better angel, if you were going to be an obnoxious pain in the ass anyway. 

He found you over at a coffee shop one day, typing away at an old laptop while sipping on a mere cup of coffee to calm your nerves. As the minutes passed, you seemed to become frustrated and that’s when it happened. You broke down. In the middle of the coffee shop. Crying your heart out and not giving a crap about who saw.

Yeonjun felt deep sympathy for the customers who were hearing you damage your eyes by sobbing, but at the same time he couldn’t blame you. If you had to do something frustrating like that 24/7 (aka his job but he couldn’t say anything about that for now), then you’d definitely break down. What a shame your guardian angel couldn’t do the same watching you, but he was intent on not getting too upset with you. It was funny considering it was the exact opposite everyday. 

You then checked your camera to make sure you didn’t look like a mess after a while of crying on the table, making sure you looked just fine by adjusting your ruffled hair and furiously wiping at your red cheeks. It was as if you never even cried in the first place and went back to working just like that. You even threw up a peace sign while you were at it! Yeonjun felt all the energy drain in his soul being replaced with mayhem. Was this normal for some people or were you simply crazy?

Regretfully, Yeonjun continued to watch you work from three in the afternoon to seven in the evening, patiently waiting for you to collect your things and leave. He was as bored as you when it came to actually working, but oh no he couldn’t just leave! As much as he wanted to, the urge to prove himself to those Seraphims was stronger, and he never wanted to miss a real challenge even by playing dirty. It wasn’t like he wasn’t expecting anything to go wrong with your situation though, obviously not. Because at some point, he watched you doze off on the beige table, eyelids heavy with sleep and fatigue.

Instead of becoming irritated at this your guardian angel just smirked at you, remembering how he was supposed to ruin his earthly mission as well. Going inside the bathroom, he transformed into his physical form as bright rays of soft white light glimmered in the unused stall. He was just as shocked when his eyelashes fluttered in the mirror, blinking carefully to make sure he wasn’t screwing himself and taking in the fact that he was an actual... gorgeous human?! In heaven, their appearances were made with only the luminous of colors, so being a human was vastly different. And not to mention, he had blue hair as well which made his cheeks tinge strawberry red. It looked good however... there was one other thing. Humans naturally didn’t have a color like this which made him afraid he wouldn’t convince anyone, but it was worth giving a try. It could even be entertaining watching you wake up from your deliriousness to see an angel with stunning blue hair like him! Not to be egotistical or anything...

Once he located your spot again, he tapped your shoulders several times and chuckled when you kept muttering to leave you alone in your sleep. It was hopeless, but that didn’t mean Yeonjun gave up. Therefore, he kept ‘delicately’ punching your shoulder every single minute just to get you up from your head scratching choice of a bed. If it was up to him, he’d probably pull your hair a little, but you both were out in public and things like that were most likely considered strange in the human world. He only decided to run off as soon as your eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the blinking light of your laptop signaling that the battery was about to die. He laughed to himself when you yawned whilst grumbling incoherent words. After all, he couldn’t just reveal himself to you unless in an emergency, right?

Just as you rubbed your eyes, you caught sight of a blueberry color haired boy who scurried off to the bathroom as soon as you mumbled in protest. It was strangely inexplicable. Somehow you were getting this sense of familiarity upon laying eyes on him, but you couldn’t be certain just yet- especially when you were still trying to open your damn eyes. Though if he was the one who woke you up just before closing time, you were thankful. However, you also embarrassed yourself in front of someone cute! You’d allow to beat yourself up after though, once you got home. 

Yeonjun snickered beside the door of the bathroom, happy enough you were finally opting to pack up your things.

Being your guardian angel was fun at times, he had to admit. Surely, things couldn’t get worse? Boy, did you prove him wrong.

The coming weeks became even more dreadful compared to what he expected them to be. It wasn’t in the sense of having no idea how to guide you through all of it, but you were constantly on edge for as long as he could remember. He felt bad for saying it, but you really had no clue how to take care of yourself during university life. There were even some moments of watching you that he wanted to make himself physically appear just to make you feel better out of pity, but he couldn’t allow himself to lose so easily. The nights were always long as he tediously waited for some sign of awakening, and he never failed to tuck you into bed when you kept falling asleep whilst working. The mornings weren’t better either, and sometimes he made some food for you when your eyes were shut just to make you feel better, hoping you’d fall into the trap of the lie that you probably bought it the night before like always.

Perhaps this was the reason why your last failed guardian angel made himself known to you? You needed someone to take care of you, as lonely as you were. But back then you were a child, so you couldn’t possibly be that bad. He had no clue how much that thought process could easily prove him very wrong for the nth time.

If there was one thing Yeonjun came to realize the first month of watching you, it would be that you were an irrevocable mess that he should’ve never protected in the first place. Like mentioned before, you needed someone- a guardian angel who didn’t want anything to do with a careless human- anyone who could help you survive. God, how pathetic was that?

It was cold, but you were just an insignificant waste of life to him- as harsh as it was to say behind your back. 

Over and over Yeonjun kept taking care of you despite his bitterness of not wanting to do it, and like a fool you had no clue. There was some part of him that eventually came to acknowledge that this was his mission now, though he was always ready to drop you too- maybe too easily when he finally completed it. However, there was no denying in the fact that you were endearing to Yeonjun as much as he tried to reject the idea. You were someone important to him, and it was time that made him realize how much protecting you came because of his free will. 

After long weeks of studying and catching up on what you had missed after visiting your hometown, you thought it would be good to have some fun with your friends. Your body was aching to do anything but sit on that damned cold chair and study the whole night, typing furiously away on new topics that were necessary to study- a prime example of not thinking of yourself throughout those past few weeks. Your eyes would burn with pain every time you opened up your laptop, sensing that you were doing this shit again. It was a given that stress must’ve been bothering your nerves, so what harm would it do if you let go? Especially since it was a Friday night which meant you could take it easy on yourself and use Saturday as a well needed break! Plus at this rate, you might as well pile it up on Sunday, called a resting day, which makes your apparent life changing decision ironic.

... but did you listen to your head screaming at you to get back to work in order to boost your future of a dream?

Guess what- it was a big fat no!

That’s why you were there at one of the parties your friend invited you to, supposedly having the time of your life and not focusing on your studies for once. What a surprise that it would be the polar opposite situation for you. This time, you were in charged to be the “mom” friend who kept everyone in line and not do something probably illegal with them in the process. You’d drive them home sober as soon as they were done partying, which meant you got no fun at all when it came to drinks- by letting yourself loose.

And at first you promised to yourself that you would be a good friend, hence going with that plan and totally not judging their actions whilst drunk.

But the moment you entered, each of you separated, so your eyes were searching everywhere in the enormous room just in case they were in trouble. Your nerves were a mess as you looked around desperately for them, knowing that they would be anywhere at that point! So... you felt bad while doing it since you were going back on what was on your mind, but you wanted to let go of that stress overwhelming the way you acted. What made your agreement with them worse was that you took just a couple drinks earlier so you wouldn’t be able to see well but... after all, they were your friends and they knew how much you needed a night like this.

Thankfully, you had a close friend who was against drinking who had actually come to the party so you soon eased into the atmosphere of the party, holding a red cup in hand and hoping that you didn’t seem so awkward. Though contradicting, drinks helped a lot with your mood, huh?

Although you were tipsy- not drunk as you called it, that itself didn’t help at all. You couldn’t see any of your friends no matter where you went, well not like this if the party was filled to the brim. After giving up you just shrugged your shoulders, placing the empty cup of anxiety- you had only used it a couple of times to be refilled with drinks and worry- on one of the tables weighted with other ones. The conclusion was obvious, anyway. There was nothing else you could do if you couldn’t find them. So why not have fun for a little more while and let them come to you?

That’s when you really did find yourself.

All the while Yeonjun grumbled to himself, watching you dance like a fool in the middle of the room where all those disgusting sweaty bodies were dancing to the beat. It was appalling, watching you slowly get into it. All he wanted to do was get out of there, but how would he be able to fulfill himself when the Seraphim were probably on tight guard 24/7? It didn’t make sense to him either with how you carried yourself. Before you didn’t seem like you even cared about parties with the way you studied on Thursday as he stayed not too far behind. And now you were acting like you were having the time of your life when the objective was to stay with your friends in the first place and not get drunk? You were an open book, so Yeonjun just couldn’t wrap his head around it. And even if you did drink, weren’t you only supposed to be a little tipsy?

He just sighed once more and leaned against one of the walls, keeping an eye on you like he’d remorsefully done the whole night. This time you were looking for your friends instead of the fact that you’d “accidentally” abandoned them and just wanted to have fun. Why did he have to be a babysitter belonging to someone so stupid they couldn’t find their own comrades? At least be it someone worth protecting! Just for a second, he let his eyes fall upon the ground. To anyone, he probably looked creepy just staring there at a girl who was oblivious to her surroundings and hadn’t noticed him yet, although he was quite thankful she didn’t otherwise he wouldn’t be able to come up with an excuse. Luck was clearly not on his side tonight, and it was all because of that little second where he looked away that he unfortunately lost track of her whereabouts.

Yeonjun’s groan was nothing short of frustrated, making it obvious that he was upset he lost you- a person who should be responsible of their own actions, but must be guided through an angel according to the Seraphim head. How funny, he was laughing- laughing at how stupid you were. It was an demeaning, embarrassing rule in his opinion, and the fact that you had no reason what you were doing to yourself proved it even more.

Amazingly, he was able to locate you just in time before you passed out beside the entrance door. It was dangerous considering that it was way too late into the night that you were by yourself, plus there was a noticeable comparison that you were more drunk than tipsy in which anybody could take advantage of your vulnerability. You looked like an absolute fool to Yeonjun, a whole clown.

“Well, just perfect. Stupid and can’t sense that this isn’t where her home is. I should’ve just picked the other option of speaking to God since it was clearly a better choice,” Yeonjun muttered to himself, closing the distance between the two of you as he ran with all his might and watched you throw up all the more.

When Yeonjun found you outside next to the door puking your guts out, he was nonetheless mortified yet unimpressed that this was the outcome of your partying. Drinking that much and still calling yourself tipsy even when you’re evidently not must have affected you in some way. Of course, Yeonjun had never gotten drunk before since he was an angel, but he could only imagine what it felt like. With this scenario, you were absolutely dying for some help- although your poor guardian angel didn’t want to dirty his clothes at all knowing he was the one to take you home. The possibilities were endless if he was bold enough to leave you out there to fend for yourself, so maybe he’d help just this once just by deciding on his own.

As we can see, Yeonjun totally deserved the angel of the year award, and it showcased him truly when he chuckled at the sounds you made while throwing up. You seemed to be a lost cause just huddling there over the bushes, groaning out in pain whenever another hurling session punched your guts. It wasn’t until you were lowkey passing out on the ground that Yeonjun finally decided to come help you. His laughter was barely contained in his chest.

“Let’s go home, okay?”

Sighing at your weakness, he drooped you over his shoulder and hoped for the best. Surely nothing could go wrong, right? Well not with you, but everything turned out well in the end so he embraced the feeling with confidence in his mind. He was a fool, just like you, to be trusting optimistically at that moment.

Yeonjun obviously knew that it would take a while for the two of you to get home. Your friends must’ve drove you there, huh? It was a shame they couldn’t now... Every now and then a thought would pop up in his mind that using his wings would be so much faster, but he couldn’t afford to risk it. You’d possibly wake up and claw his out eyes out. Or you’d panic so hard you’d fall out of his arms.

Although, it didn’t seem like a bad idea entirely. But now clawing his eyes out was just grotesque!

With all of the thoughts clouding Yeonjun’s mind as he worked on foot to get you home, he didn’t notice that you were gradually waking up. You had no recollection of the memories, but they’d eventually flood back like they always did. 

As your eyes adjusted to the sudden black of the sky compared to the blinding lights of the party, you were incredibly surprised when you heard a foggy breath fade into the cloudy night. Fearfully you turned your head to the side to see...

A... beautiful blue haired boy with... pearly doe eyes?

You couldn’t place a finger on it, but his presence seemed a bit too familiar. That didn’t mean you didn’t freak out though. Because you ran towards whatever direction you could- albeit almost falling with every step thanks to earlier drinks- screaming like a madwoman that needed urgent help. Pretty much understandable given your situation of waking up to someone carrying you wherever- one obviously has to assume that they’re getting kidnapped when taken advantage of. 

“What the- wait! Come back!”

“Someone, save me! There’s this weird, blue haired man that’s trying to kidnap me!”

Now this was definitely one way to meet your guardian angel- Yeonjun thought to himself as his feet carried him along with the chilly breeze. His legs were sore at this point from the extra baggage and concentration it was taken to turn physically, and now you were running away from someone who was protecting you? The whole thing was ironic.

While you on the other hand thought that anywhere you could go, you would go as long as you didn’t see that... weird, mysterious yet heavenly man??? who pulled you by the shoulder earlier when you were alone by yourself. All signs pointed to danger, no matter how drunk you were as you ran around screaming for help! That’s when you found yourself mistakenly sprinting into a dark alley full of intimidating people who just watched you wave your arms around like a crazy person. 

“Well, isn’t this a treat?” A gruffy voice spoke out from the corner, sending chills down your back as you stopped in your tracks. You weren’t one to judge but if you looked at it from all sides, none of them had any good intentions. Just like that... strange, irresistible man earlier perhaps? The crowding into one smelly circle in the middle of the night, the hiding from every other human being, the men whose wives left them due to disappointment (you weren’t shocked actually)... it all lined up.

By now you assumed you lost whom you were running from, but it felt even worse now that you had gotten yourself in this situation. A for effort that you tried fleeing, however it looks like you fell into more danger by trying to save your life and interacting with these men.

“Why don’t you have some fun with us tonight?” One of them suggested, about to grab you by the arm, “we promise we’ll make you have a good time.”

While you were paralyzed in space about to let out the loudest shriek you could’ve ever done in your whole entire lifetime, Yeonjun had finally caught up to you. You immediately started sprinting wherever you could again just as you made physical contact with the stranger, and seeing him again too. Mixed together and you get a deadly combo! Yeonjun just tiredly groaned in annoyance, furrowing his eyebrows until they started trembling by themselves. What a surprise there, huh?

This time, he wasn’t going to lose. He was tailing you down every second, and sooner or later you would calm down once you opened your ears to a very scary “kidnapper.”

“Ugh, will you just listen to me?! I don’t understand how you can have all this energy in the middle of the night!”

"Leave me alone! Don’t think about even touching me too, creep!” You shouted, trying to pull yourself together even though your head was racing with solutions to your problem. Since the party had started a few hours ago as well as your last drink- keep in mind that it only came up 30 minutes ago or so- you were feeling a bit better after knocking out, but that clearly did not help the pulsing headache aching your temple. You didn’t even know what time it was!

The men who watched this hated every second of it.

“Will you stop your crying over there? Go bother someone else!” It was that same gruffy voice again, and the both of you paused from trying to tackle each other. Yeonjun found this the perfect opportunity to catch you while you were vulnerable from hearing one of the man’s voice. He also took the responsibility of answering, and pulled you to the side where you were adamant on still trying to land a hit on him to no avail. 

“Yeah... sorry, we’ll leave. My girlfriend,” he lied through gritted teeth, “apparently can’t make decisions for herself.”

This seemed to tick you off even more, and you hit him in the back as best you could- which surprisingly only made him take a couple steps forward. He acted like it was nothing though, from the way he recovered just as quickly as you hit him in the first place. It didn’t even leave a bruise on him.

You yelled into his ear, putting your hands together beside your mouth, “I don’t even know who you are, you creep!”

He was about to say something, but you didn’t allow him to.

“I’m not your girlfriend either, so don’t even get the wrong idea!”

The men again just stared at the two of you struggling together, zoning completely out of their world. Honestly, they were all intimidated. Each of them could feel this boy wasn’t like any other, their intuition speaking up before they could act irrationally. So without another word, they decided to cause trouble in another place, leaving when the gorgeous stranger said something again, and you thanked God profusely for whoever that person taking you home was- though only because he supposedly scared them away.

Well, at least one of your problems were solved! However, it was strange how they left without saying anything else when they could obviously outnumber the boy in every way- both in number and strength. You, on the other hand, was not scared but still a little suspicious... who wouldn’t be?

The blue haired boy just groaned while you were still trying to pick up your breath. Again, he didn’t seem affected at all by what just went down- there weren’t any sign of fear to be found on his face.

“Are you trying to kill yourself? You could obviously see that those people are dangerous... you have to be more careful next time!”

Your legs felt like jelly as you struggled to remain standing by yourself, and your nauseous stomach clearly didn’t help either. Yeonjun seemed to notice how you were fighting with your own balance, wondering what he could do to be of assistance as your guardian angel when an idea popped up in his head.

“Come on,” he muttered to himself while picking you up so effortlessly, “you can’t walk so just let me help you, okay?” His arms scampered underneath your legs to sweep you off your feet quite literally, and soon enough you found yourself being held bridal style in the mysterious boy’s arms. Tightly.

The close proximity made your heart do flips, and the amount of butterflies in your stomach increased. No one had ever been like this towards you before, so this was pretty much a foreign feeling. But you weren’t going to admit you liked it though. He was absolutely no one to you!

“Ugh, get your hands off me,” you whispered, embarrassed, feeling the heat fly up to your face. “Why are you even doing this? I don’t even know you, stupid.”

The stranger who was carrying you in his arms just laughed at your words, comfortable to be holding you close like this. It made your heart pound faster with how he seemed to be paying more attention to you than the direction he was going, but you were probably looking into it too much. Your ears flushed with embarrassment, scorching in the cool night.

Without another word or warning, he stopped and just looked at you, barely hesitant of what he was going to say. 

“Because I want to protect you, silly. It’s not safe being out here by yourself during this time, you know.”

You pursed your lips at his short response, not expecting that to be his answer at all. Were you really that important to him even though you just met that night? In your mind, what he said actually sounded genuine. Something seemed off judging from the situation but if you kept listening to your gut, you knew whoever this was wasn’t someone who had bad intentions... the failed realization from earlier was basically useless now that you saw how irritated he was.

Yeonjun was aware of the silence and looked back down at you to make sure you were okay only to find you only zoning off and staring at his chest. What were you thinking in that pretty head of yours? He shook you gently in his arms as you were fragile, but this just caused you to snap out of your daze immediately. He smirked, wondering all the more what you wanted to say to him.

“Not confident enough to be looking at me and saying rude things anymore, huh? Have you finally decided to give up?”

You shook your head happily, quietly laughing at his joke as he cheekily grinned back, your hands coming up to lay on a snug place at his chest. Surprisingly, it was... warm? Ugh, you really needed to quiet those impulsive thoughts of yours somehow since he was a literal stranger- which brought you to ask him the truth you were dying to know.

Your voice was trembling as you spoke this time, all confidence that you could remember- gone like he said a second ago, as you now tugged gently on the material of his shirt. 

“Who are you anyway? Do I know you? I know we’ve only met tonight, but you seem to be familiar to me. I’m sorry if I can’t remember, really, but I seriously don’t know who you are.”

Yeonjun was quite surprised that you remembered him, unintentionally letting you loose in his arms for a few seconds until you screamed at the top of your lungs.

“Hey, don’t drop me! You suggested carrying me in the first place, so you should carry through with that promise!”

Unbeknownst to you, the poor angel was stuck whether he should tell you the truth of not. He could get into serious, serious trouble if he told you about what he really was, but... wait, perhaps this could get him out of it since the Seraphim would somehow find out soon enough. He’d never have to see you again and not be responsible of you, plus you wouldn’t remember a thing in the end so the consequence wouldn’t be too bad.

Was it worth it though? If it meant you’d shut up with your continuous babbling, then hell yeah it was. 

He gazed into your sparkling, pearly eyes, admiring how you looked in his arms. It... somehow felt right, but that was only because he was your angel.

“Gosh, I don’t see what your last guardian angel saw in you. You’re giving me a headache just by hearing your voice.”

Glaring at him, you were tempted to give him a middle finger for being such a hassle to talk to. He made you laugh a second ago, and now he was being a big jerk again! Also, did you mention that you were extremely confused? Why did he have to bring up that when you asked for just the tiniest piece of information? You knitted your eyebrows together tightly.

“What are you talking about? Why are we talking about guardian angels all of a sudden?”

Yeonjun looked down at you, the corners of his lips lifting up into a teasing smirk. 

“Are you deaf? You heard what I said.”

Okay, well you think you had enough of listening to him.

“I’m not deaf, and I heard it! But you’re not making any sense right now, and it’s driving me insane!”

He retorted as fast as you could, “you’re driving me insane by not shutting your mouth.”

Searching his face for any other emotion, you hoped to see that you were pissing him off so he’d let you go but as always, it was blank. No reaction- so maybe he was telling the truth somehow. He was probably born with a calm, uncaring expression and no hint of a smile either... with keen eyes on getting you home and... 

“Y/N, we have to get you home or else there will be trouble for both of us. Will you be quiet for just a second, please?”

Crap.

How could you be so stupid? How could you trust him with getting you home when you didn’t even tell him your address?!

Your blood ran cold. You may have felt safe in his arms, but this was becoming too much for you. If you recalled correctly, you had never even told him your name so the only reasonable explanation for this was that he was your stalker!

“LEAVE ME ALONEEE!” You cried, screaming all so suddenly that it made your supposed stalker wonder if his ears were actually bleeding. 

“YOU’RE MY STALKER, THAT’S WHY YOU’RE TAKING ME HOME!”

The amount of times Yeonjun rolled his eyes was priceless, especially now that you were accusing him of being something he definitely wasn’t. Well, if you worded it that way, then you were like 25% right. The fact that he had to deal with something like this all day when he could be roaming free made it ironic, and he couldn’t blame you if you thought he was someone dangerous. At least that was something you both agreed on. 

“So I’m your stalker now? When I protected you from those dangerous men?”

You nodded your head furiously, punching his chest as hard as you could and kicking your legs around. It only made Yeonjun more frustrated, and he felt the urge to drop you for being a bother when he was only trying to help on his own. 

“You’re a stalker! Leave me alone or else- or else!”

As soon as you said- more like screamed- that, Yeonjun covered your mouth, practically desperate to get you to shut your mouth. He considered his options over and over again, and the only reasonable one that he could come up with was that you needed to know the truth. He blurted his answer out shamelessly while you were busy trying to claw his eyes out.

“Y/N! I’m an angel! Your guardian angel, so will you please just calm down?!”

You stopped scuffling in his arms immediately.

He wasn’t serious, was he? From the looks of his panicked yet still slightly calm expression to hold it together, you were unsure if he was lying to you. But there was literally no way! Things like that didn’t exist! 

Instead of overreacting that one person knew the truth, he just laughed at your stunned reaction and the way your mouth fell. You were probably freaking about this discovery and how he was actually telling you the truth. Now there was no reason to be afraid, was there? You could trust him like he said, but it would be no surprise at all if you proved him wrong again.

“WHOEVER YOU ARE, YOU’RE LYING SO DON’T EVEN THINK-”

Without warning Yeonjun shot out his wings from his back, and they became alive, fluttering and flickering with the night breeze as their guide. The tip of his right wing brushed against your elbow as you struggled to let air into your lungs, too shocked that whoever that being was was not telling you a single lie. Soft and tender he treated you as his feet lifted from the street a little, and you were more concentrated on the fact that an angel came to visit you than you were off the ground.

“B-but, y-you...” 

This time your stomach wasn’t filled with any butterflies. To say the least, you felt queasy as if your head was messing with you and that should’ve been the reason. Never once in your life had you believed that there were actually living angels out there, but this moment proved you wrong no matter how much your mind was convincing you that it was a dream. 

You watched him shoot up into the sky, holding you as tightly as he could by his chest. The stars were the most beautiful tonight since you could see them more clearly, but whoever he was was more stunning than all those big balls of gas combined. It wasn’t possible, but here was this ethereal human being with wings carry you through the night. Angels were absolutely gorgeous, and his radiant presence beside you made you feel as if you were at home. Now you did nothing else but admire his physical features and the dreamy, pure aura that arrived with him as well.

“Like I said, I’m your guardian angel,” he stated while smiling warmly at you, “my name is Yeonjun, so remember it good because you’ll see me for the rest of your life, okay?”

What a pretty, sweet name. You had a feeling that you would call onto it for as long as he made himself visible to you and promised to stay by your side. 

On the other hand, Yeonjun made sure not to fly too far up into the atmosphere, but not too close that any curious eyes this hour would be able to see the two of you. No words were being exchanged between the two of you, and you watched the blanket of stars above you become nothing but beams of light. Soon you felt your eyelids droop with sleep and you eventually closed them, feeling safe in Yeonjun’s arms. Was it from his presence or how the cool wind passed tenderly on your cheeks?

Thankfully you were already fast asleep the moment you reached home, and Yeonjun set you on your usual spot on the bed. He hoped that nothing else would happen to you now. The home was just as warm like he recalled the last time he left it, but this time it was silent- the quietest hour that he could recall when you were actually at peace from your endless worrying. His wings slowly crept back hidden, gently folding against his back so that it wouldn’t be visible to any lingering human eyes. 

Realizing what he just did, he grumbled and rubbed his eyes with his tingling hands. He wasn’t exactly happy that he spilled the beans, but it felt just right to let you know there was someone who was always going to be there whenever you needed it.

He watched you turn in your sleep before calming down and melting into your pillow. He was hesitant as his hand brushed upon your face, but you seemed to enjoy the feeling, even unconsciously as you leaned into the sweet gesture. Yeonjun tenderly pulled away, hoping you would remember the events once you arose the next day.

“Trust me,” he smiled warmly, taking one of your hands into his as he tucked you into the warm covers, “I’ll be there to protect you whenever you need me, okay stupid?”

Released: June 29, 2021 (12:00am)

Thoughts: omg hi yall, i’m so happy to be writing a new series since it keeps me occupied <3 i’m hoping that a lot of you guys will like this series bc i know i definitely will 🥴🥴 pls who doesn’t want yj as their guardian angel??? i think i’m going to have a lot of fun with this series, sooo if you can, please tell me what you think about it too >< i love to hear what all of you say~ also, it’s my bday today !! so whoever’s reading this, i hope you have a good day as well !

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Noel Interview - Uncut Magazine | March 2000

[Part 2 April 2000]

Good to be back? "Er, yeah. Mm, I mean, s'pose so."

Was it too long a lay-off? In the sense that we've not had any records out for a while, it probably is a bit of a stretch. But in the year that we had off, I was writing anyway. We just had a year not hanging out as a band. But it is a long time since we had a record out - it's going to be three years by the time Standing On The Shoulder Of Giants comes out.

Are the songs still coming thick and fast? Fucking, I tell you what, man, at the end of the last record [Be Here Now], I had no songs left and the tour was a fucking nightmare - I wasn't really into how big it had got. And coming out the other side at Knebworth, it was a bit disheartening, really. It was like, 'If this is going to go on forever then I might pack it in.' I had no songs left and it was, 'Right, let's have a year off.' And then I wrote 20-odd songs for the album and that was cool. Lately, ever since about, I don't know, maybe two months ago, I just can't stop fucking writing.

Is this a different way of working? Yeah, because I'm straight now. It's fucking brilliant, man. I'll be farting about with something before I go to bed and when I wake up in the morning I can actually remember it.

Would the first three albums have been different if you had adopted that technique from the off? The first one I was too broke to take drugs. This album was written more in the spirit of the first one. The middle two are a bit of a haze - I can't remember much about them. The first one I had a lot of time to write it and a lot of time to throw stuff away, where the middle two were like, 'We need a record out because this thing is happening and we might as well capitalize on it.'

In hindsight, we should have probably taken a year off before this last record. We came back off that American tour and went straight in the studio, which we shouldn't have done. But it helped me get a lot of shit out the way. All the songs I was writing at the time I thought were OK; then as the record progressed it was like, 'Oh fucking hell.' And then when it came out, Be Here Now, got some pretty good reviews . . .

It got some amazing reviews! I thought the praise that was heaped on it at first was a bit over the top and then I thought the criticism afterwards was a bit over the top as well. It didn't deserve eight out of ten in any of the papers and it certainly didn't deserve the slagging it got since. I don't think it was a good record but I certainly don't think it was as bad as people made out.

Are people reluctant to criticize Oasis, a) because you're so massive, and b) because you've got a kind of aura of menace about you? I don't know what it is, because I remember when Morning Glory come out people were fucking . . .

That one did get slagged! They panned it, then people changed their minds when the public went out and bought skin loads. And then this one [Be Here Now] was praised to the heavens, but when people didn't buy it, people changed their minds. People were just trying to second-guess what the public were going to feel about it.

Do people criticize you to your face, or are you surrounded by sycophants? If you've just sold 20 million albums, and you go and write a bunch of songs, people aren't going to go, 'I don't like that, it isn't good enough.' I mean, they probably did. When we invited people down to the studio everyone was going, 'It'd brilliant.' But I would imagine in the taxi home, they were going, 'Fucking hell.'

Whose opinions do you trust? "Mine, really. We used to tend to get carried away with everything in the studio; we never had an objective viw on anything. We never sat back and went, 'Is it any good or could it do with some more work?' It was just bollocks: 'It's brilliant because it's us,' you know? And when you're at the level that we were at it's like, 'Fucking hell, man, we must be doing right.'

Be Here Now took basically two or three weeks to write, whereas this one took a year. I'd come here [Wheeler End] and do the demos. Before, I'd write a song on the guitar and before I recorded it I'd play it to people and sing it, so everyone would form their opinion on it straight away. Whereas this time I wouldn't play it to anyone for about six months; it was like, 'I'm not going to play it to anyone until I'm happy with it.'

I was determined to make the songs a lot shorter. Last time, it was like there was fucking two months of feedback before the song started, which is great when you're off your tits in the studio, but when you're listening to it in the back of the car on the way to work it must be fucking excruciating.

Is this the first Noel Gallagher solo album, then? No, not really. This is the first one . . . I'm happy . . . well, you know, it's not perfect because there's a couple of songs where the lyrics could have been . . . I could have worked on the lyrics a bit more.

Which ones? 'Put Yer Money Where Yer Mouth Is' and 'I Can See A Liar' - I was just messing about with riffs in the studio. But they sort of stuck. 'I Can See A Liar' I wouldn't have personally put on the album. But Liam was like, 'It's the fucking Sex Pistols; we've got to have some fast ones on there because it's a bit medium-paced,' and it was like, 'Fair enough.'

There's a couple of songs that got shunted off onto B-sides of singles which should have gone on the album, but it's either the singer sulking or, you know, have some semblance of fucking normality in the studio - you've got to weigh up which one's better than the other and it's better not to have the singer sulking.

So there is compromise involved in the recording process, even for a band as big as Oasis? I think all records are like that. We were working with a different producer this time as well [Mark 'Spike' Stent], who was brilliant for us, because Owen [Morris, erstwhile producer] would never say anything to anyone in the studio, like to Bonehead or Guigs, 'It's not really working what you're playing so let Noel play it.' And we'd never say that to each other because we might get the fucking needle, whereas Spike would just say, 'It's just not happening, man; it's obvious you can't do it so why don't you do it?' and I'd be like, 'Oh, right, well, I'll do it.'"There'd be a bit of that going on, but it was all for the record at the end of the day, because I think it's a pretty crucial time for us now.

Do you feel less unassailable now than you did, say, between Knebworth and Be Here Now? Like you've got something to prove again? Yeah, I think so. If only musically.

Does the fate of British rock rest on you shoulders? I don't feel that we should be this big symbolic British rock band that has to go and conquer the world. Even though that's the way it's always portrayed. 'Oh, if the Oasis album doesn't do well in America then that's British music finished,' that sort of thing. I always sit there and think, 'Fucking thanks for that, because that's what I really need. The British music industry's finished if our album doesn't do well.' You don't really need that when you're eating your fucking cornflakes.

It does feel like that, though, especially after 12 months of terrible under-performance on the part of Britpop's finest. Yeah, it does. I understand it in a way, because we are the biggest British band there is. There isn't anyone else who's even got a chance of making headway around the world. I can't think of another rock'n'roll band that sells records in America, on the level that we do.

Is "bigness" your essence? Does being massive authenticate your existence? That's what we set out to do. There was a six-month period leading up to Knebworth where we were the biggest band on the planet because we were selling the most records and playing to the most people and writing the best songs, I feel.

I think if anyone had the bottle we would have come offstage at Knebworth and said, 'Do you know what, it's been a fucking top scream, let's just kick it in the head now.' But, of course, it was, you know, 'Let's have one last fucking trawl 'round America; let's bleed the life out of the album.' And that almost broke us in a way. But when you're on a roll, nobody wants to say, 'Let's just pack it in and be like The Jam and go out and be cool.' Everyone's like, 'Fuck it, man, the bar's still open,' you know what I mean? 'It's not last orders yet.'

You could do what The Beatles did after '66 and just be a studio band. Yeah, I'm only now thinking, 'Do I really want to go on the road for nine months again?' Nine months is a big enough stretch as it is, but then when you've got a kid on the way . . . it's not a wrench to go away, because you've got a responsibility to the people who buy the records as well, but I think there'll come a point in the very near future where . . . I'm not looking forward to going on the road for the simple reason that the gigs we're going to play, we've played them a thousand times over, and you've been to the same cities and stayed in the same hotels, and there's only so many tour bus moments that you can have in your life until it becomes an absolute nightmare. The rest of the guys, they love doing it.

The ideal situation for me would be to be like Brian Wilson [after his 1964 nervous breakdown], to just make the records and send the boys off; 'I'm not into it any more, so have the best time you can, go and promote the record, come back and I'll have finished another one for us to work on.' But they'd be like, 'If you're not going, I'm not going.' Then, if I don't go, the band doesn't go, and then if the band doesn't go the records company are going to go, 'You can forget us trying to promote your records, you cheeky cunts.' So you end up in a vicious circle.

Does it annoy you that, no matter how big you get, you still have to do certain things? Yeah, because it's a major, major operation. It would be nice if we could get into the back of a transit van and turn up at The Borderline and say, 'Can we play a gig tonight?' But you almost feel like you've got the fucking people from The X-Files following you with a million monitor things. I suppose they've got to protect the band, you know what mean?

Would you like to scale it down so you had more control? Well, that's why we're playing Wembley, because we don't like playing big places [laughs].

Somewhere discreet like Wembley Stadium. That's come about because it was offered to us. We were going to be the last band to play there; it was a symbolic thing. But we're going to do some major outdoor summer shows and then, after that, 'round about Christmas [2000], we're going to do some really, really small venues, sort of like two or three thousand, after we've got all the fans in that could possibly see us. Then they can't moan and say, 'Oh, I couldn't get a ticket.' But, yeah, I'd like to break it down and start again.

With the departure of Guigs and Bonehead, has the band lost some of its Last Gang In Town Invincibility because you've brought in two new members "artificially"? Yeah, but all the same it's real. It wasn't brought around by our decision. It was something that's been forced upon us, and I wouldn't like to give anyone the satisfaction of saying, 'They couldn't do it without.' You know what I mean? So we were like, 'Fuck that - we've all got the kids on the way and stuff.' But you've got a responsibility to the people who buy the records because that's what Oasis has always been about; buying the records then going to see the band to sing along to the songs with your mates in the audience.

Would it have been a different album had it been recorded with Gem and Andy instead of Bonehead and Guigs? "Well, it would have been a different album, because, with all the greatest respect in the world to the two guys that have left, Gem and Andy are better musicians, so the musicianship would have been of a higher level. But the songs would have still been there. I don't think Liam would have sung it any differently. It might - it would - have been a little bit different, because they would have brought their own feel to it, I suppose, but not in a creative sense.

You seem very up at the moment. And yet the new LP sounds quite down. There's only so many up things you can write, you know what I mean?

Have you got all the euphoria out of your system? Well, I think it's just a case of growing up. It's like, I'm not mad for it anymore - can I officially state that?

Mad For It, R.I.P. Yeah, well, I'm just not mad for it. On the other hand, Liam's mad for it. He's madder than mad for it. But you can only write so many 'Some Might Say's.' I mean, when I listen to some of the lyrics of 'Stand By Me', for instance, they're just fucking stupid. They're just rhyming; it's just mucking around; it just doesn't mean anything to me. When I listen to it on the radio I think, 'What was I fucking thinking?'

Does the same go for, "Slowly walking down the hall/Faster than a cannonball"? Every time we sing I just think, 'What the fuck was all that about?' It's just using the vocals as a musical instrument more than anything.

How has your approach to lyric-writing changed for this album? I think the words are going hand in hand with the songs now. But it's not the finished article yet. I'm only getting a third of the way to where I want to be with the sounds and the style of the writing. Over the next couple of albums, there's a lot to be explored. I'm not experimenting [spits out word], going in the studio and shaking fucking crisp packets with six-inch nails in them for the sake of art - we leave that to all the other no-marks in this country. I'm into making big fucking fuck-off rock'n'roll pop records, you know?

But there's a side of it that still needs working on - the words are not amazing enough yet for me. But I'll get there. Slowly but surely my head's coming out of a blizzard of drug abuse, from the past 14 years almost. I'm slowly getting my shit together.

Oasis are not a heroin band," Alan McGee told me recently. On the other hand, he said of the group's wild years: "No snow, no show." Have you ever tallied up how much you've actually blown on drugs? Oh, yeah. I reckon it would have been . . . it would have been a few grand a month. It would have been quite a lot; you could have run a small record label off it, I would imagine.

Do you, a keen fan of rock history, ever compare and contrast your drug intake with the all-time giants of narcotics excess, such as Keef or Iggy? I'm an absolute fucking ultimate lightweight compared to them. I mean, fucking Keith Richards, man, he's like, he does his share and everybody else's, don't he? And he's still doing it to this day. Allegedly.

Any close scrapes over the years? Yeah. I mean, the reason why I packed it in was I was starting to get panic attacks and all that stuff - you know, waking up in the middle of the night with cold sweats and thinking that the world was going to fucking end.

What period would that have been? It would have been, umm, we finished the tour last March - or was it the March before? -whenever it was, we finished it in March and then, you know, we had been pretty much flat-out for five years so during March and April the house where I live in the country was just fucking chaos. The boys were back in town and fucking, 'Aren't you going to know about it?'

It got to about June, when the World Cup started, and it was just fucking horrible. I felt like I was going to die. Not psychologically, it just got too much. I don't know what it was; it was all to do with no sleep, not eating enough or eating too much at some points. Just general lack of looking after yourself.

There came a point where I had a doctor out one night. He didn't know who he was coming to see. I was lying in bed, looking like death warmed up, and as he walked in, he's got these little half-rimmed glasses, and someone's going, 'He's upstairs, he's having a bit of a hard time.' So he walks in and says, 'Ah, good evening, Mr . . .' And then he looks at his thing [clipboard]: ' . . . Gallagher.' And he looked up at me and this big grin come across his face, and he shuts his book and says, 'I don't even have to diagnose what's wrong with you, sir.' He says, 'You do take drugs, I take it?' And I was like, 'Well, yeah,' and he says, 'So does all this come about when you're taking drugs?' and I say, 'Yes, well, you know.' And he says, 'Just stop it.' And I went, 'So you're not going to give me anything?' And he went, 'No, there's nothing to give you, sir, just stop.' And I was going, 'Fucking waste of £250 that was. I could have told myself that.' And then the next day it was like, 'Do I want to go on like this for the rest of my life?'

I couldn't remember the last time I hadn't taken drugs. So I thought, 'Well, if it's only for six months it will be a fucking laugh anyway.' You know, laughing at everybody else. And there's a time when, actually, I started feeling pretty good. And I started eating properly, and then I started looking five years younger, and it was like, 'Fucking hell, this isn't so bad.' And then, after about eight months, it was like, 'I'm not going to do it anymore.' And I officially gave up. And I've done it for two, nearly two, it will be two years next June I haven't done anything - it's fucking brilliant. I still drink and smoke fags, though.

Dope? No, the last time I smoked dope I made a right twat of myself. I went to see The Black Crowes at Shepherd's Bush Empire and I'd been on the Guinness all day. We were upstairs in the bar afterwards and someone says, 'Hey, do you wanna come and meet the band?' So it was like, 'Fucking right.' And as we got there with my engineer who was working on the album, we went in the dressing room and I was pissed as a cunt. And we was talking to the singer [Chris Robinson] who has this fucking huge spliff like a baseball bat, and he's smoking away and we're going on about rock'n'roll and that, and he passed us this joint. And so not to be seen to be as a lightweight, I had a couple drags on it, passed it him back, grabbed hold of the wall, then fucking abseiled down the wall into the toilet, going green, puke every fucking where.

So I locked myself in the toilet and my mate was - it felt like about five minutes later - banging on the door, going, 'Are you in there?' And I was like, 'Yeah,' and he says, 'Come on, we've got to go, man, the building's empty, it's two in the morning, they've got to lock up.' And I couldn't find the door in the cubicle. So he's got to climb over, open the door, and carry me down the stairs. And as we get outside the Shepherd's Bush Empire, we open the door there's a load of kids with cameras. And as the flashes went off I just puked every fucking where. Of course, everyone thought it was marvelous rock'n'roll behavior. But it was fucking horrible.

This new record sounds like a real stoner album. When I first started playing the demos to people 'around at the house - people would come up on a Sunday to visit us - they'd go, 'Are you sure you're not on drugs?' And I'm like, 'I'm telling you,' and they're going, 'Because it's proper psychedelic, man.'

Even at the early stages it was quite psychedelic. I wouldn't call it a psychedelic record but some of the songs are. Even McGee was going, 'You wouldn't have thought you'd given up fucking powder, man.' But when I'm in the studio I'm better off when I'm clear-headed and not drunk and I can concentrate more on what I want to do.

Spike was brilliant, because he doesn't take drug and he rarely drinks; he doesn't join in when the party's going off, he's proper on the fucking case. Whereas Owen, if we were getting pissed, would be getting pissed as well and it would end up this loud fucking din in the studio and you couldn't really make head nor tail of anything because the guitars would be double loud. Spike was brilliant because he'd just say, 'You just go off to the pub and I'll sort this out.'

Standing On The Shoulder Of Giants sounds as though it was actually recorded on downers - it's heavy in both senses of the word. Even the lighter tracks - "Go Let It Out", "Who Feels Love?" - seem listless and dispirited in comparison with previous hi-energy Oasis anthems. In fact, the whole mood - music and lyrics - of "I Can See A Liar" and Put Yer Money Where Yer Mouth Is" is bitter and vengeful . . . I know what you're saying, but it's really because I'm generally not an angry person. I suppose it comes across in 'Sunday Morning Call' and 'Where Did It All Go Wrong?' - they're the most factually correct on the record, because they're about certain real people who I know, but who, obviously, remain nameless. People who used to always turn up on my fucking doorstep, but as ungodly hours of the morning - and these are proper, well-off, rich, famous people, quite young. And they'd be running you through their drug and booze hell, and they ultimately think that to sort all this out they just have to write a cheque made payable to The Priory clinic, and six weeks later they'll be back in your kitchen going, I can't handle it any more.' And you'll be going, 'At least you're not washing car windscreens for a living on fucking Baker Street. Get a grip of yourself, man.

It's like, if you don't want to do it no more, then don't do it. But for fuck's sake don't spend 20 grand trying to kick the habit that you can just kick by looking in the mirror and saying to yourself, 'Where did all this go wrong, man?' That's basically what them songs are about.

They're not about you, then? I suppose they're subconsciously directed at myself in some ways.

The pressures of your lifestyle, fame and stuff? 'Roll It Over', the last track, is a bit like that. It's just about the insane people you tend to meet when you're out, who talk to you like they've known you for 15 years, whereas they've known you for about 10 minutes, they've just heard a couple of your records on the radio. It's like, 'Fuck off!'

Does it not concern you that those songs are going to mean less to people than a song like "Rock'N'Roll Star" - about escaping a provincial town to make something of yourself whereas these sorts of crises will only connect with the few in your position? Yeah, but I still think that when you get to around - what am I now? 32? - when you get to sort of 30 to 35, anyway, it's a time in your life when you do start questioning. I think a lot of people in their mid-thirties do that. I know I certainly did after my 30th birthday - it was like, 'It's about time I was getting married and having kids; it's about time I was leaving something behind, not just being the old scally rock star that lives in the big house at the top, you know, the token rake with a pint of Guinness.' I got to a point where I went, 'Fuck it, I've had my time as a young mad-for-it man. It's time to move on.'

So you've exorcised all the madness? Yeah, I think so. I like being back at work. Before, I would create something to justify staying up for three days doing drugs; now it's like I create something purely because I like being creative. Whereas before we'd make records to go on the road and have a good time - so you could justify blowing 25 grand a month on drugs lavish parties: 'It's all right because I'm a pop star! And I'll buy a stupid fucking outfit, because I'm a rock star!' Now it's like you're creating something because that's what you do; you're a creative person.

Is a night like the one that produced "Talk Tonight" (from the "Some Might Say" CD single), where you had to be coaxed off a hotel window ledge in Las Vegas, unlikely to happen again? If I ever got like that again, if I ever got that bad, where I disappeared for a couple of weeks and nobody could find me . . . I was a young man then; I was 26 or 27. And it was all exploding, all over the world, in our faces, and we probably didn't know how to deal with it. All right, I knew how to deal with it, but I didn't know how to deal with the rest of the band, who didn't know how to deal with it. Whereas now, I've made enough money to just go, 'Do you know what? I'm just going to knock it on the head for a while.'

If we get on the next tour and there's all the madness going on again, it would be good to get back and say, 'I don't have to record another album if I don't want to.' I could gladly take two years off and watch the young'uns grow up. So no, probably nights like that wouldn't happen again.

The new album isn't just "down", it's also quite dark. Is there more of a Smiths or Joy Division element to your music than has been noted? Sometimes your comical songs overshadow your serious ones. Well, you won't ever see any more fucking 'She's Electric's, let's put it that way. Or any more 'Digsy's Dinner's, because you do that when you're young, don't ya? 'Go Let It Out' is probably the last of that kind of . . . it's just a funky rock'n'roll pop song and I'd like to, without sounding like Radiohead, do something a bit more, not overtly dark and make people feel miserable, but just sort of tell it like it is. But life is good; it's not as bad as Thom Yorke would have you believe.

Was the phrase "Pre-Millennium Tension" knocking around in your head when you were writing this record? Oh, no, no. It's like, my life is pretty fucking damn good at the moment. There are things that piss me off, but not in the sense that I would contemplate ending it all, sticking my head in a fucking oven or anything.

Have you ever felt that way? No, never. No. I mean, at some points I've thought that. I've probably thought I would fucking kick the bucket, only through health reasons. But I would never . . . fuck that. I'm too much of a coward to take my own life.

There's the romantic myth of the Manchester musician, "a weight on their shoulders". Ian Curtis springs to mind. Yeah, I can understand that, because I had a pretty shitty upbringing, but I wouldn't ever write about that; that's private. I've got over it and I don't need to write about it as course therapy. I got over that a long, long time ago. Now I tend to write about things that get on the tits. Like, getting old gets on my tits, but it's something that's got to be embraced. I don't know, we'll see in the future . . .

You once said that your first three LP's were a set and after that you were going to draw a line and move on to Phase 2. Is Standing On The Shoulder Of Giants that start of Phase 2? Yeah, totally. It's a third of the way where I'd like to be when my contract's up with Creation or Sony or whoever the fucking hell we're signed to these days [soon after this interview, Oasis and Creation parted company, and the band set up their own Big Brother imprint]. This is album four. Five and six will take us to another level; then after that, well, I don't know where we're going to go after that. We'll either be shifting record-labels or there'll be a big re-fit; there might even be different people in the band, or there might be no one in the band. I can see the next two albums being a sort of . . . I'd like to do it all in threes.

But I don't ever see us making a radical fucking sweep to the left, or underground music, or anything like that. Because I always think that bands that do that have run out of ideas. It's like a subconscious thing where they say to themselves, 'Fuck it, we've got no ideas left, so let's make an experimental record, and when it doesn't sell, we'll just say were doing it for art's sake.' Whereas we tend to go in - well, I do anyway - both feet first and at least fucking try and shake the world, d'you know what I mean? I'm not trying to shake the art world. I would never want a South Bank Show special just because it's arty and it's cool.

I don't make art-punk records like Primal Scream, or art-pop records like Blur. I just make rock'n'roll records and hopefully they sell 50 million. When you hear bands who make these records and then people accuse them of being under-achievers, they say, 'Oh, yeah, but I still hope it sells 50 million albums.' You read that and you go, 'But it doesn't stand a chance of selling a million, let alone 50 million; at least mine stand a fucking chance.' It's difficult to make cool commercial music. Most big commercial records are naff. Nicky Wire [of the Manics] seems to think that because he sells a load of records, that's automatically good. If that's the case, then Phil Collins is the fucking don of all dons, isn't he? Just because you sell a load of records doesn't actually make it good.

John Lennon was cool and commercial. He also had a (fairly) coherent philosophy and a quite specific political agenda. What do you and your songs stand for? Well, for the first two albums, it was about . . . they were a lot of drinking songs, for your mates to raise a glass to in the venue. They weren't very difficult to listen to and if you sat down and tried to analyse what they were about, there wouldn't be no point because none of them mean anything. But now I suppose it's marrying the feeling of a drinking song with, behind it, something - when you actually read the words - that's a little bit deeper, point a few things out so that people go, 'Well, I never knew that.'

Would you rather have a South Bank special or the 10 million sales? To define the times or be merely popular? It would be nice to have both, wouldn't it? In an ideal world, I'd rather be like The Velvet Underground, who didn't sell anything, ever. I'm sure Lou Reed's pretty proud of what he's done, as he should be, because he's done some fucking good stuff. When you meet these people, the likes of Mercury Rev, and you go, 'Fucking great album,' they always go, 'Fucking wish it would sell a few more.' That's always their opening line. To make great records and to sell 50 million would be brilliant.

Do you think there's just one band that's done both? Absolutely.

Doesn't that crush you when people suggest that no matter how big Oasis get they'll never have the cultural impact of The Beatles? No, because it's true. We'll never even have the cultural impact of The Sex Pistols. Even though they only made one album. They changed fashion. A lot of writers, like yourself, were inspired, you know? When you affect things like music number one, politics number two, and art number three, and then journalism and writers like Irvine Welsh, and film directors, that takes some doing. And to say they only done one fucking album is incredible. I'm aware of all that.

But there's nobody to inspire in this country any more, because everyone's too busy taking E's and playing video games or whatever. So you've just got to try and change your own world, inspire yourself and your family and you kids and all your friends. And hopefully other people will get on with it and form bands and do something a but special.

Will history prove that you had more of a long-term effect than fellow Manchester bands The Smiths and The Stone Roses? In Britain I would say, 'No.' But 'round the world I would say probably, 'Yeah.' Because if right now, today, you asked some kids about British music, ours would be the first name they'd come up with. And outside of England I dare say that no one's heard of The Stone Roses or The Smiths, or The Jam, and the people in them bands would probably tell you that as well."We've never affected culture or clothes, really, but we certainly gave the Nineties a kick up the arse.

Do you think if it hadn't been you it would have been another band, or did it have to be you? I don't know. Because the bands that were around just when we were starting was . . . if you look at The Verve, they probably inspired us at the beginning - not musically, but because they seemed to be of the same age group and they came from the same part of England that we came from. And then they disappeared for a while and we went on then in turn we sort of kick started them again, and then they went on to greater things with 'Bitter Sweet Symphony' and 'The Drugs Don't Work'. So probably in that way we inspired a few musicians.

But if it wasn't us . . . I can't remember any band that was around at that time who I think would have gone on to have the impact that we had, to be honest with you.

Do you feel guilty about Nineties retro-activity? Staying with Manchester, that was a city synonymous with electronic invention. Then, after The Smiths - who ironically, even though Morrissey was quite experimental in terms of his sexuality, signaled a return to Byrds/Beatles-type songwriting -that rock solid/solid rock approach became the "new" Manc sound. "Yeah, well, The Stone Roses were pretty retro, weren't they, until 'Fools Gold'? But that's just what I was into. I was into dance music when I was living in Manchester, and I was out every night at The Hacienda and various other places, but to me it was always . . . after clubs we would go to people's houses and they would put on the same stuff they'd been listening to in the night club, and it would be like, 'Fucking give it a rest! Fucking drugs are wearing off now, man, can you put some Neil Young on?' Everyone would be going, 'Who's Neil Young?' and you'd go 'You know what, I think I'll get off.'

When you write songs at an early age, you're just copying your record collection. My record collection never contained Kraftwerk as probably Bernard Sumner's did, and Joy Division's did. So 'Slide Away' and 'Rock'N'Roll' - that was a lot of T Rex and Neil Young, do you know what I mean? 'Live Forever' was sort of vaguely Beatlesque in it's melody, I suppose. So that's just the way it is.

Neil Young fans listen to his records, and like to trace a journey in his life and his career, all the ups and downs. Do you think the same will be true when you get to your seventh album? That you'll be able to plot a graph of emotional highs and lows? Yeah, I can see it now: Definitely Maybe was the young, eager, waiting to get out there and fucking blow the world away album. The second one was stopping in the lay-by where you caught your breath before you head off down the, er, superstardom highway. And the third one was just fucking fat and drunk [laughs]. And this one is clean, heathly, focused. This is the first album where there's certain songs that actually put into words what I was feeling at the time of writing. Whereas the others were just, we were writing them more for other people, really.

On one level, the first album was quite rock-literate - a rock album about rock albums, full of references and stuff (Noel, quite taken with this idea, smiles). Is Standing On The Shoulder Of Giants more directly emotional? Yeah. I'm not saying we'll never write another out and out rock'n'roll album, because they are exciting when you get them right. But by the same rule, I'm 32 and I don't want to write songs like a 25 year old, because people would just go, 'He's not a kid any more,' d'you know what I mean?

But I wouldn't go into a studio with any set agenda. In fact, this time we've got to knock half an hour off the record, because the last one was 75 minutes long - too fucking long. But we never go in there with, like, 'Right, this year we will be mostly making samba music.' There'll be none of that going on. Unless, of course, samba because extremely popular and we're skint!

Is it strange that, having escaped small-town hell, you now have a different set of problems? It's the same old shit in a different way. But I mean, if you lived the perfect life, in the perfect band, writing the perfect music, how boring would that be? You'd be like, 'What's the fucking point?'

There's a lot of things in life that I'd like to change. I'd like to be the ultimate controller of my destiny. I would not like to work for The Man. But that's all to come in the future when we finish off our contract and we decide where we want to go. Do we start our own record label? What do we do? There's some things we could probably fight to change: like demand our own record label, like get out of our contract, and we don't want to go on tour. But that would take a lot of fucking about in court room.

We've only got two albums left after this, so that day's approaching quite quick. I'm sure we can change that when the time comes to it. It's like, I've got a little baby coming and all that, so there's a lot of balls to be juggled at the moment. I've got to be a Dad, I've got to be a husband, and I've got to be a fucking rock 'n' roll star. It's going to be interesting.

Will it be hard balancing fatherhood and rock 'n' roll? Yeah, yeah. It's like you do have to sort of say. 'Right, today is husband today today, let's take the wife out shopping.' It sounds naff, but that's the only way to look at it. You have your set time for being a rock'n'roll star, which is when you're on tour, when you're on Top of the Pops, or in the studio. And then there's going to have to be times set aside for being, you know, daddy, and have fucking chocolate rubbed in my face.

And that's just Meg! [laughs] That's just Liam!

Is it weird living out your relationship with Meg in public? Yeah. It's weird because it's like, Meg does a lot of stuff that I wouldn't generally agree with - she'd do a lot of stuff in the past where she'd come home and say, 'Oh, I've been offered all this money to do a photo shoot for something; what do you think? And I'd go 'No, don't, man' - because she's going to kick off a fucking shit storm - 'don't.' She'll always ask my opinion and then she's always told me to go and fuck myself. Which is fine.

I suppose I could be the archetypal husband and say, 'Fucking hell, love, you place is in t'kitchen and my place is on t'telly.' It's not worth getting a divorce over. So if she asks my opinion and I say I really don't think it's a good idea, she'll say, 'Well I want to do it' and other than that you can't go round grabbing her by the ear. She's her own woman. I'll give her my opinion and we'll agree to disagree, and that's it.

Is she hard on you? Er....not a lot. No, not really. We don't really tend to bring work home.

Another good day at the office, dear? Yeah. I wouldn't. If I was playing some stuff at home that I was writing and Meg come in and said, 'I don't like that,' it would be like, 'I don't give a fuck whether you like it or not, you're not going to buy it anyway, are ya?' I never ask her opinion on the music side of things, because - not that I don't value it - it would be irrelevant. If she said, I don'tthink it's very good, 'I'd get upset and think, 'What the fucking hell do you know about it?' Whereas if she said it was good, it would be like, 'Well, of course she's going to say that, because she's my fucking wife.'

Is it difficult when you're writing lyrics? As though your thoughts will be eventually be scrutinised for revealing references? Oh, yeah, every fucking day of the week mate. This is fucking incredible. She'll be like, 'Can I listen to some of the new stuff? and I'll be like, 'Yeah, all right, but I want to go out while you do this,' because it's all, 'What's all that about? What does that mean?' 'Well, it doesn't mean anything.' "They're not arguments, but it's like doing the press conference two years before your record comes out.

Is that a barrier to clarity of communication - you can't really say what you want to say? No, I can, I can say what I want to say. It was worse before, actually, with the previous three albums, because the songs were quite vague, they weren't really about anything. People would say, 'Is that about me?' and you'd go, 'No, it's not really about anything.' And when you're trying to explain to your wife about a song that you can't remember writing, and it doesn't mean anything, you always end up talking complete and utter bullshit. She'll go, 'You're lying' and you go, 'It doesn't mean anything.' So we tend not to talk about it.

I've written a few songs about Meg, but you wouldn't know they're about her. Just about feelings that I have. You don't want to get into a mutual fucking lovefest on a record. All that stuff about Damon [Albarn, Blur] and his girlfriend [Justine Frischmann, Elastica] is just - how can anyone possibly listen to that record [Blur's 13]? Because it doesn't mean anything, does it, to anyone other than him and his missus? I just don't get it.

What about John and Yoko? I don't get that, either.

Really? No, I'm not having that. No.

What about catharsis and regression therapy? What, sitting in a room, screaming?

Baring your soul. I mean, whatever gets you through the night, you know? It's not really me bag. I find, when Lennon's singing 'Mother', it's all well and good and he probably felt good after he'd done it, but after you've listened to it twice you just go: 'Mother'. It just sounds like fucking what's his name, the banjo player?

George Formby. George Formby. [Does passable Formby] 'Mother!'

So it's more fun for the musician than it is for the listener? I think there's always something they've got to get out of their system. It's interesting to listen to, say, Joy Division's lyrics and to Morrissey's lyrics. It's interesting, but it's not particularly fucking entertaining.

But don't they provide helpful insights into the human condition? Yeah, I suppose. If you were of the same mental state as Ian Curtis and you understood what he was going on about, that could help you. And if you were, you know, of the same gender as Morrissey, then I suppose, yeah, it did help a lot of young men and women at that point, especially up North, I would imagine. But not when someone is singing about something that is so personal to them yet so alien to you it just doesn't fucking compute. You just blank out.

How do you make that transition from writing a very personal song to writing a song that is personal in the first instance but that then becomes universal? It's difficult, for me anyway. The thing is to try and convey a feeling more than an actual fact. To write down, 'I am feeling pissed off today because I am famous' - you just go, 'Fucking big deal.' The point is to try and convey a feeling - an emotion - in the sound of the record and the sound of the phrasing of the words. And to be a bit vague about it. But it's a fine line. I'm sure Liam must sing 'Wonderwall' some nights and think, 'It's about his missus.'

I suppose what I'm asking is: does your brother's "Little James" have that magical "Hey Jude" X-factor? That particular song, even though it's about someone specific - the first line mentions his [Patsy Kensit's son by Jim Kerr, James] name - after that it's all about 'plasticine' and 'trampolines' and you're sailing out to sea in a boat with the two people that you love most in the world. I think every fucker can relate to that, man. In that song, he is doing the same as I would do. He's stating the fact in the first couple of lines and then it's all about childlike attitude.

Because Liam's still a child and the child that he's writing the song about is most probably more mature than Liam, if the truth be told. I think a lot of people are going to relate to that.

-----------

oasis - the mad ferret www.oa515.com

Uncut Magazine | March 2000

[multific]

Match Made in Heaven

Hannibal Lecter x Reader

Requested by:  ateliefloresdaprimavera

Summary: You meet Dr. Hannibal Lecter after your boss sent you to therapy following a traumatic event.

From the first day you walked into his office, you had a feeling he likes you. 

Dr. Lecter.

He always had that expression on his face. Similar to yours.

But you couldn’t quite put your finger around it.

He was also the very first person to look into your eyes. He could hold eye contact with you, others couldn’t. Whenever they looked into your eyes, they always quickly looked away, down or behind you instead of right into them.

But he didn’t.

He kept his gaze right at you. You felt like he was reading you like a book. However you learned that it wasn’t true. Not by the way his eyebrows flicked up a little whenever you revealed something about yourself. 

He found him quite charming. He was handsome, tall and very intelligent. 

After your workplace got robbed the other month, your boss insisted on getting you into therapy. 

Although it was more traumatic for the robber, you didn’t argue with your boss.

She recommended Dr. Lecter to you, saying he was a fantastic doctor and you would get over the “trauma” in no time.

***

You felt some form of connection with Dr. Lecter. He seemed to be very fond of your perfume and when you decided to play a trick on him and change it to a cheaper one, he seemed rather displeased.

The next appointment, he bought a brand new bottle of your perfume, he said.

“I think a lady like yourself deserves to not have to wear such cheap perfume.”

You were impressed. He did really pick up on the smallest of things.

And now, he invited you over for dinner.

He told you that he often consults with the police so, someone will be there with you.

Shame, you would have loved to have a nice date with him.

“Jack, this is Y/N Y/L/N. And Ms. Y/L/N, this is Jack Crawford.”

The night went on pretty well and normal. You all ate, drank and talked. You learned that Jack was an FBI agent, who worked on special cases. And as you noticed he had just enough in him to let a few secrets slip. 

“Have you ever heard about the Chesapeake Ripper, Ms. Y/L/N?”

“Heard a few things here and there.” you said taking a sip from your glass.

“And what do you think?”

“Well, from what I saw, Chesapeake Ripper, certainly has an interesting...style. Quite fascinating in my opinion.”

“You find a cereal killer to be fascinating?”

“I sure do. Other killers leave the bodies behind like they were nothing, but this individual displays them. In a way, it’s art, their art.” you said smirking.

You could tell Jack was shocked by your answer. But he quickly moved to a different topic.

“Thank you very much for the dinner, Dr. Lecter, it was delicious.” 

“Please, outside my office, just call me Hannibal. We are friends after all.” he smiled and you smiled back. He placed your coat onto your shoulders as you said goodbye.

Two things you were sure after that night.

One, Hannibal was possibly the most charming man you have ever seen and you wanted him. And two, it was definitely not rabbit he just served you. 

***

During your appointments with Hannibal, you never talked about that night. But, after the dinner the other day, you were more confident.

“I’m ready to talk about the day which caused me to end up here, Doctor.” you said just as you stepped into his office. Hannibal closed the door behind you.

You placed your purse on the chair before sitting down on the comfortable leather seat you always sat in.

“Why now?”

“I just feel like I’m ready.” you said with a smile, crossing your legs.

“Don’t let me stop you then.”

“I think I mentioned to you this before but I work in a jewelry store. I worked in the evening, closing the store when a man came in with a gun and demanded the jewelry. My only thought were that a dirty pig like him doesn’t deserve to even be in the presence of such delicate diamonds and riches. So, I refused.”

“You refused to had over some necklaces while being held at gun point?”

“I sure did. And they are not some necklaces. Each one is special, handcrafted. Why should one person struggle for months or years to put together such a treasure so that another filthy one could steal it?”

“What did you do? I remember in the news that the man was never found, what happened?”

“Would you like to hear the official story, or the truth?”

“I suppose they are not the same.” he said raising a brow. He would be lying if he said he didn’t find you attractive. 

“Not entirely no. I worked in that store enough to know the blind spots. Where the cameras cannot see. And once I had him there, all I needed is to take his gun. I am not saying I killed him, Doctor. Just for the record. But what they said in the news is true, he was never seen after the incident. Police thinks he ran away after I refused to cooperate.”

Hannibal for sure understood what you were referring to. Yet, his face didn’t move an inch. But you could tell just how interested he was.

“You certainly made sure to keep your treasures safe. But does a man’s life worth diamonds?” he was toying with you, so you decided to just go for it.

“Of course. Such a low-life, wouldn’t call him a man really. But his heart certainly tasted nice...Figuratively speaking of course.”

“Of course.”

You noticed a smirk grow on his face, it made you smile.

You just knew, this was only the beginning of an amazing friendship and possibly even more.

Hannibal wasn’t the kind of person who would be fooled easily. That’s why he tried to be cautious around you. 

But he slowly started to notice things, things about himself.

Every morning, if he had an appointment with you that day, he would spend extra time getting ready. He quickly noticed which colours you preferred on him, so he made sure to wear suits of those colours. 

His obsession only grew meeting after meeting.

He noticed the change in your perfume, and since he wasn’t fond of the new one, he went out that day and bought you a new bottle. The lady in the shop thought he was purchasing it for his wife.

The breaking point however was the day you told him about the night of the robbery.

He had a suspicion about you, but you only confirmed it.

Hannibal saw that as more than a confession of crime.

It was a confession of trust.

You trusted him with your secret. And he certainly didn’t plan on losing that trust.

***

Not long after that, you decided to stop your appointments. During your last appointment, Hannibal suggested a date, which you agreed to. 

And from that day on, you became more than patient and doctor. 

Hannibal was very careful around you. At first he thought you were trying to trick him, but by the way your eyes shined whenever he placed some new dishes in front of you, he knew you weren’t pretending. A sane woman would never eat someone’s liver the way you did, not with knowing where it exactly came from.

But you proved yourself to him.

And so, he decided to take you to his basement. Showed you his real side. A side only his victims saw.

And you loved it.

Not only did you get to see a new side of the man you adored, but the whole place was amazing. You remember kissing him so feverishly down there, you didn’t even make it out only a few hours later.

Dr. Hannibal Lecter was completely obsessed with you, but you were just as obsessed about him.

A match made in heaven...or rather in hell.

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[fluffywolverine]

so season 6 of lucifer came out.

there were some things that i liked, but generally i hated it. i believe that was SUCH. BAD. WRITING and it left me frustrated. so i decided to write down all things that pissed me off and sometimes i try to fix this by giving other ideas that – in my opinion – would have made the story better. Check my points out and feel free to add your points of view. without further ado: let’s talk.

- imma start with the big one – fucking time travel. ok I generally hate this trope in the media, because it’s complicated and often leads to some logical mistakes – and they happened here. so rory time travels because of her anger which was caused… by her anger?? i think this was unnecessary. it also brings trouble with this whole free will vs. fate discourse. lucifer says, that he chooses free will… but at the same time he goes the path of his fate. he disappears from rory’s life, because he HAS TO in order of the events of the season to happen. just because he chose to do it, doesn’t mean it’s free will.

- lucifer becomes the very thing he desperately didn’t want to become. “bUt It WaS fOr ThE gReAtEr GoOd” screw this bullshit, if writers wanted to make it better, they could have easily do so. they could have altered the rules of time travel so that his choice of staying could have resulted in rory disappearing. yes, that would have been heart-breaking, but it would have been a great lesson for lucifer, that he can’t make the same mistakes his father did.

- chloe and Lucifer get a child without even talking about it. “bUt MaYbE tHeY tAlKeD aBoUt It We JuSt DiDn’T sEe It” you may say. but the point of writing anything  - whether it’s a book or a script – is to show any thing that matters. and talking about having kids is one of the most things any couple should do. also not every couple needs to have kids and forcing deckerstar to have it feels so far-fetched. this thread was very unnecessary.

- rory herself is a big problem. to begin with – she wanted to KILL her FATHER. i get her frustration, but commiting a murder?? just because he wasn’t there for her?? I would have thought that chloe taught her better, taught her that, like, killing people is bad. turns out she did not. secondly… she just isn’t necessary here. i elaborate later so in conclusion – her thread could be altered with michael’s and it would have made much more sense. i also don’t like the actress (why was she blinking so much??) so i certainly didn’t help.

- of course ella has to end up with a boyfriend. because earlier she always ended up with “bad boys” and now, without any help, she is just able to have a healthy relationship! yay! for me this creates a toxic view, that in order to be happy one HAS TO be in a relationship, because being alone is aLwAyS bAd. well, it’s not.

- i also have troubles with lucifer starting up a foundation for her. firstly, he didn’t ask her. secondly it – AGAIN – shows, that anything good ella got, was because of another man. firstly because of her relationship with carol, secondly because of lucifer’s idea. it could have been so easily altered! there could have been a scene of a conversation e.g. with amenadiel where she expressed a will to do better and be better for someone (given that she sees a lot of dark in herself). amenadiel could have then told her, that she is an inspiration and that it is her biggest strength. that could have been where ella came up with an idea to start a foundation blah blah – it’s just a rough idea but I believe that written well, it could have been so much better;

- and the last thing about ella – of course she had to find out about celestial stuff because sHe WaS tHe OnLy OnE rEmAiNiNg. umm what about trixie? i'll come back to her later. ella was portrayed as the only one believing in god and having her seeing that he really exists ruins the concept of faith. it’s not about knowing something exists, it’s about believing in it.

- WHERE THE FUCK IS MICHAEL. i must admit that i loved this character AND I CAN’T STAND HOW AWFULLY HE WAS TREATED HERE. so at the end of season 5 lucifer says “everyone deserves a second chance, even you michael". and what does he do then? COMMANDS HIS TWIN TO CLEAR THE FLOOR IN HELL. yes, i agree that michael should have been punished for his rebellion plan, but… he already has his wing cut off. now he’s stuck in hell, with no way out and is he supposed to learn his lesson? this is cruel. instead of this the entire season could have been centred on him – his journey to self-acceptance, learning how manipulating someone is toxic and starting to realise how to be a better person. at the end he could have become god (because amenadiel is such an obvious choice), which would create a beautiful connection – michael in heaven and his twin in hell.

- lucifer doesn’t feel like being god and that’s cool. damn. people died for him to win this place and he’s like “actually you know guys i’m not the right person bye”. while i believe that anyone should step out if they have a reason, but at the same time lucifer should have faced any consequences of his decisions. falling frog and kool aid in the river are not enough.

- adam’s plot feels just quickly sketched, not actually written. i really appreciate this take on toxic masculinity but it all felt too fast-paced. it’s good that they show this idea of “strong and not-showing-any-feelings man” kind of attitude, but it is impossible for ANYONE (especially The ManTM) to change their mind in a matter of a few days. it takes weeks, months, years even, especially given that adam is like a gazillion years old, he should have especially taken a long time to process this.

- carol is just too pure to exist. he’s also one of the most boring, plain and one-dimensional character i’ve ever seen. i feel like they gave him a problem with alcohol because the writers were like “hmmmmm he has to have some weakness. LET’S MAKE HIM AN ALCOHOLIC”. we don’t see any signs of his everyday struggle, why did he fell into this problem, how did struggle. it just feels like a dull plot device to show that he has flaws. oh and also he’s so pure that he doesn’t mind ella BREAKING INTO HIS HOUSE. acceptance should have boundaries and violating someone’s personal space isn’t right.

- why did they forget about trixie again? yes, i know that scarlett estevez had another project but this does not justify the bad writing. the girl lost her father and we only see her crying once because of that. no signs of this affecting her everyday life, not showing any consequences of her relationships with other people, not  glimpse of any change in her behaviour. oh and also she loses lucifer too because time travel! great idea, writers! losing another close to her person would have been soooooo good for her psychic for sure.

- i also hate the idea that suddenly rory becomes the only child they care for. where is trixie when they spend their day on the beach? where is she when her mother dies? did writers forget about her as well as they did about michael?

- amenadiel being a police officer is… problematic. i was looking forward to this thread, i was kinda scared too and it turned out… meh. i’m white and not American, so this of course does not involve me at all, but i felt like this was not enough. harris basically said that there is nothing they can do to make it better for black folks. even though chloe and amenadiel want to make everything more just, we don’t actually see any change. the only thing is that harris becomes a detective (right? i’m not sure if i understood it correctly, so correct me if i’m wrong, please) which is a total contradiction of what she said before. suddenly she does not have to protect people anymore?

- in season 5 they stated that heaven and hell need to be fixed, as the system is unfair and unjust. at the end we don’t see any change, the only thing that is different is lucifer helping damned souls. it doesn’t help at all! these people still go to hell, they still suffer and there’s nothing that changed here! plus there is also this thing, that a sociopath who murdered people in cold blood goes to heaven (because he does not feel any guilt) and a person abused by her parents/partner/whoever goes to hell (because have been manipulated to feel guilt).

- dan making amends with trixie while… there wasn’t really anything to make amends about. like, most of the parents make mistakes while upbringing their children, but does this make them unworthy of heaven? i would have preferred dan to slowly regain his self-consciousness, how he positively affected the lives of people around him and by doing so – through conversations or maybe reliving some of the memories, he could have proved to himself that he is worthy of love and redemption.

phew, what a ride. i really liked dan being reunited with charlotte (it went just as i imagined) and mazeve dynamics. i even felt like they are finally a real life relationship – with people hurting each other by not understanding each other, but then talking and seeing other’s perspective. generally though, i’m very disappointed.

sorry for any mistakes, lacking commas etc. writing a text this long in not my native language was not easy.

[littlepadika]

it’s the steve anon hehe!!!! ahh that sounds so nice 🥺 i’m not really fussy. maybe like a colombian summery sundress kind of vibe? i like the legal!! age gap stuff, innocent reader who is such a juxtaposition to the stuff he sees at work... that kind of thing :) but no pressure ofc just a suggestion 💗

Darling, you are not annoying me!!! I love getting messages 🥰 Would you like an anon name or just "steve anon"??

My savior complex is awakening🌅. YES INDEED we love dark characters getting attracted to innocent reader! To your second point, Connie was a nurse and i could definitely see (imagine Steve is single) that he would be attracted to a nurse reader who is always patching him up. I read a lot of Steve fics for inspo and I had a hard time choosing which idea to go with but here it is... I hope you likie😘

Warnings: fem!reader, legal age gap, neighbor!steve, Steve is single in this, fluffy, meet cute

"What the hell do we do with it?"

"I don't know... just let it go? There are tons of strays in the city."

"No, man, we can't." Steve frowned looking down at the helpless creature. It was cowering in the house Javier and Steve just raided. It seemed to be abandoned, the poor thing. It was on the mutt, maybe only 30 pounds. It looked up at them both with big sad eyes. Steve picked it up without much of a fuss. It seemed to relax in his arms, licking his hand. "I'll bring it home and see if I can find someone to take it."

"I think it's a female." Javi bent over to inspect.

"You would know." Steve rolled his eyes.

"Shut up." Javier gave his partner a playful shove. "You owe me ten dollars if you end up keeping her."

"I won't. Just until I find a good home." Steve gave the dog a scratch.

He spent a whole afternoon taking photos and scanning them onto the advertisement. Javier teased that Steve should have gone into the arts. He posted the signs around his apartment complex and his office building.

About a week later he got a call.

"Hello?" He answered.

"Mr. Murphy?" Your light voice answered. "I saw your ad. I'm interested in the dog."

"Oh great!" He looked down at her, curled up on the rug by the sofa. "Um..." He tried to think of how one goes about giving a dog away. "If it's alright I'd like to ask you some questions, you know, see if it's a good fit."

"Sure. I live in the apartment building. One floor down. Is it okay if I just come by later today?"

"Yeah sure."

Steve couldn't help but feel a little sad at the prospect of not seeing the sweet girl again. She was well behaved, though a little skittish.

You arrived an hour later. You had seen Steve around the building. He stood out with his blonde hair and blue eyes. People whispered that he was an American spy like James Bond. He certainly looked the part in your opinion. You'd be lying if you said you were only interested in his dog.

"Come on in." Steve let in. "I'm Steve Murphy."

"Pleasure." You shook his hand and introduced yourself. He was much taller than you thought he would be. You had to crane your neck to look up at him. His blue eyes were piercing, shinning from some internal source. You blinked rapidly under their brightness.

"And this is... the dog!" Steve went over and picked her up.

"Does she have a name?" You asked, finding it odd Steve was just referring to her as a dog.

"No. I found her a few weeks ago. There was no tag or anything."

"Poor baby." You cooed, letting her sniff your hand before petting her.

"Yeah. She's trained and all that. Really quiet most of the time. She gets scared at night if there's a loud noise or something."

"I can't imagine what she's been through out there all alone. Until one day the nice man rescued you, right?" You used an infantile voice reflexively when speaking to the dog. You didn't see the way Steve swallowed harshly when you referred to him as a nice man. He wanted to hold onto that as long as he could.

"Can I hold her?" You asked holding out your arms.

"Oh right. Sure." Steve let you take over. He felt his heart melt watching you nuzzle the little dog whispering endearment into its fur. It had been so long since he'd seen decency let alone innocence like you. You would be the perfect owner for the dog.

"You're right she's so quiet." You set her on the ground watching her go back to her favorite spot by the sofa.

"So you live in the building?" Steve asked trying to make small talk, trying in vain not to admire you in your pretty dress. The way your tits were accentuated by the sweetheart neckline. He tried to remember the last time he’s spoken to a woman without an ulterior motive. "I haven't seen you around."

"Yeah. I'm working most nights at the hospital so... that's probably why."

"Well stay safe out there. It's dangerous." He warned, his eyes darkening as he thought of the attacks around the city. He would be devastated if you were caught up in those. His shift in demeanor was not missed on you. You wanted to run your hands over his face until it softened. You wanted to ease whatever pain was going on behind those cerulean eyes. He was staring at the ground with his jaw clenched. You tentatively placed a hand on his bicep, feeling it tense under your touch.

"I'm always careful, Mr. Murphy" You blushed a little when he turned his intense gaze on you. "It's good though..." You withdrew your hand reluctantly "for the dog because I can spend all day with her. She can sleep while I'm gone."

"Right." Steve nodded trying to get back to the matter at hand. He definitely did not think about pulling your warm body against him. "Well, I think you're great for her. So... you can have her."

"Yay!" You clapped your hands together bouncing on the balls of your feet. He laughed softly at your little happy dance. "How much?"

"Nah it's a good fit. It's free."

"Are you sure, Mr. Murphy?"

"Steve." He corrected you.

"Steve." You repeated with a grin.

"I have dog food and everything. I'll just give it to you." Steve opened a cupboard and you frowned when you saw it was practically empty. He's out being a hero and not eating anything! That just didn't sit right with you.

"Can I at least make you dinner or something?"

"I wouldn't say no to that. I'm a terrible cook." Steve rubbed his mustache absentmindedly.

"You're really busy so it's understandable." You come to his defense. "We can head to mine and I'll make something real fast?"

"Sounds great. I'll bring the beer." He grinned boyishly. "Do you like beer?"

"Love it." You assured him.

"Come on, girl." Steve patted his thigh calling to the dog on the floor. She perked up trotting over to you both. "Ready to see your new home?"

The dog became your connection. Steve would check on her while you were at work. He would accompany you on walks to the dog park when he had the time. He started having dinner with you most nights, offering to drive you to the night shift. When you inevitably kissed him on your sofa, the dog lying on the floor between your feet, he kissed you back. Domesticity became a habit and for once he didn't let his fear talk himself out of it. You named the dog Angelita. You explained it meant "heavenly messenger". Steve thought this was fitting because Angelita brought him to his heaven, to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[helldustedstories]

People so rarely asked his opinion about anything, asked him to help with whatever they were planning, that he finds himself getting excited about Charlie's proposed project. It didn't matter that it was in the early stages or would require hard work; that was even better, in his mind, because then he might be able to be useful, instead of coming in at the end and trying to propose things that had already been thought of.

The suggestion of protecting pockets of Hell seems much more manageable as a first step than attempting a protection ward for the entirety of the realm, and he's thinking quickly, going through the ingredients he'd need to fulfill such a goal. He might need help, but teaching Octavia how to cast protective magic was something that he needed to do anyway, and between the two of them, they could probably manage it.

"It certainly couldn't hurt," he says with a smile. "However, if you do have certain areas you'd like to set up as shelters, in case another attack comes, that is an entirely different matter, and one I should be able to assist with immediately. Placing protection around specific buildings is something I've done quite a few times and wouldn't require any additional research." Which was good news, and meant he could offer tangible proof that he was willing to help, that he could help.

He takes another moment to think when Charlie mentions keeping tabs on Heaven. Could that be something else he might actually be able to offer? It wouldn't be constant surveillance, of course, but he was perfectly capable of scrying, given a specific request of a person or place to look into.

Stolas listens to the rest of Charlie's words, not wanting to interrupt, nodding as she continued. Prioritization was definitely something that was difficult to figure out until a specific problem couldn't be put off any longer. With the issues she was facing, it sounded like they carried equal weight; he could see how that would be a problem.

Charlie's idea of reaching out to the rest of Hell, to seeing who might be interested or able to help outside of Pentagram City is certainly an interesting one, at the very least. Stolas thinks that it makes sense, but whether or not she can convince others to work with her remains to be seen.

"Well, there are several things that I may be able to assist with more tangibly, beyond additional research," he offers. "I may not be able to offer constant surveillance, but I can certainly scry on Heaven, if you give me enough information about where or who you'd like to look into. And as for the rest of Hell, I could certainly look into making introductions for you, if you'd like." He pauses for a moment, then adds, "Though I fear there are some that may not respect my name as much these days, I do still have some pull." Ozzie would likely be willing to at least listen, and if he got on board or was at least willing to talk to some of the other Sins, that might be able to really get the ball rolling.

There are plenty of voices in the back of Charlie's mind that want her to doubt herself - Adam's, growing increasingly more violent the more she pushed. Lute's, stringent and cruel. Sera's, remorseful but resolute. Angel's, once, terrified and angry. Carmilla's, wise and close guarded. - Lucifer's, kind but dismissive. Lilith's, gone. And once, Charlie's would have been there, too.

But that would be entirely discounting everyone who has brought her to this point - Rosie, Alastor, Vaggie, her family here. Even her father, miraculously and shockingly as it is. And hers. Charlie may still feel a little out of her depth with the denizens outside of Pentagram City, but she has just begun to learn what she's capable of, and she refuses to let that confidence shrink ever again.

So as she waits for Stolas' reply, Charlie waits with optimism. After all, he had insisted on any formalities - that was a good sign, right ? That he didn't feel compelled to put the kind of distance between that leads to rejection, right ?

When he summons his book - from looks alone, it reminds her of the Malleus Maleficarum that used to reside on her mother's shelf - and her curiosity is confirmed when she sees a few arcane runes on the pages he flips through. - And, no, she's not trying to be nosy, of course, because that would be rude ! And overstepping boundaries ! But something twists a little in her chest when she notes the ease with which Stolas commands his magic - a mix of awe and embarrassment and even a little longing as she remembers that same ease in her parents' practice. - The absence of her own skill.

Then Stolas looks back up at her and Charlie snaps to attention, finding her smile and tuning back into the situation at hand. ❝ - Do you really think that could work ? That would be ... ❞ She thinks of the barrier Alastor had erected for them - honestly, the only way it had managed to fall had been when Alastor had, a thought that sends a chill down her spine no matter the outcome.

Her enthusiasm flickers higher. ❝ We did use a shield in the last attack - I'm so sorry I don't know the details of the spell, but I can absolutely get that information for you if it would help ! If we can extend even pockets of protection to the rest of Pride - or even the other rings, it's something Heaven probably wouldn't be expecting. ❞

For the rest of it, Charlie has never heard of, what had he called it, solar power ? The living world is fascinating, a strange and distant thing Charlie has never touched before. She leans forward, nodding with the vigor of a particularly attentive student before turning a page on her easel to one filled with brainstorming notes - and, of course, some doodles from the staff at the edges. ( whoever drew fat nuggets is talented ! )

She quickly jots down resource management on a less marked side, making notes for food, water, power, climate - and then doodles a little moon swirling in magic with a question mark next to it and the word possibly !

❝ That would be wonderful ! And please, don't worry about the specifics just yet - I wouldn't dream of not giving you any time you're willing to give for research, and besides, I'm still drafting. You know what they say - first is worst, eight's okay! Honestly - ❞ She trails off for a moment, glancing at her ... somewhat chaotic plan pensively. ❝ I think the only problem I'm truly facing is prioritization. I'm hoping that we can keep tabs enough on Heaven to have a timeline for any ... activity ... ❞ Retaliation, Charlie thinks bitterly but absolutely does not say.

❝ But it's hard to say that defense is any more or less important than resource management and repair of Hell's infrastructure to focus on first. I'm hoping - ❞ she takes a breath, knowing she's wading into touchier waters, possibly overstepping her boundaries and throwing herself into parts of Hell that aren't her business. ❝ - I'm hoping, if I can find those willing to help, to delegate those repairs to those who oversee all the parts of Hell outside of Pentagram city. It would make more sense - who would know best what people need than the people who live there ? If they'd work with me - that's something I'd really love to help with. ❞