#and i cant put this onto anyone else i already feel like im ruining everything

[brelione]

Protect You (JJ Maybank X Reader)

Warnings:Domestic Violence,blood

Request:Hi! can you write a jj maybank fic with prompt #10, y/n is friends with the pogues and just recently broke up with her kook boyfriend. She starts getting closer with Jj and then her ex wants to get back together, she doesn’t so he chokes her and punches her. She tries to hide it from the pogues but jj thinks the bruises on her neck are hickies and gets defensive. Y/n continues to lie but then JJ makes her cry and she tells the truth ?? (Love ur blog v much❤️💕💖)

So this isnt exactly what you wanted but I tried so I hope you still like it <3

Loose long sleeve shirts,baggy sweatpants and high top sneaks.You were limping ever so slightly,thinking that none of them had noticed.You had been alarmingly quiet and smoking weed pretty much every 20 minutes.Nobody asked you why you were acting this way.Kie had just thought you were on your period,sharing the information with the boys,You had been staying at John.B’s and refusing to go back to your house in case he showed up there.

It was somewhere around 7 in the morning when JJ woke up,going to the porch to smoke.You were already there.Your hood was up,hair in a messy know on top of your head.You had a few dark bruises on your neck,the fake metal chain you owned dangling off your neck.You were leaning on the railing,blunt between your lips and your eyes closed as you tried to calm your thoughts with the drug.The small scar on your cheekbone had become irritated as it always did when you had cried.Being in this state meant that you hadnt noticed JJ’s tall figure yet.You let out a sigh,a small cloud of white smoke leaving your mouth.JJ came up behind you quite. 

“Morning.”His voice whispered groggily.You pulled up your hood so the fabric covered your neck,the material stopping behind your bun. “Morning.”You answered quietly,wincing as his arms wrapped around your waist and his chin rested on your shoulder. “Are you okay,sunshine?”She asked.You took the blunt back between your lips,nodding slowly. “You’ve been smoking a lot lately.”He observed,sliding his hands under your hoodie and onto your hips.You grabbed his wrists tightly,pulling them off your body.He frowned.

 “What’s wrong?”He repeated his previous question,sounding more serious this time. “I dont like when people touch me.”You answered as smore crawled out of your mouth and into the air.He slid between you and the railing. “You love hugs and cuddles.You always have.Im gonna ask one more time.What’s wrong?”He asked again.Worry and anger course through his veins.He hadnt really seen sunshine in three days.He had seen (Y/N) but not his sunshine that he had known and loved since seventh grade.

You sighed,avoiding his eyes as you exhaled smoke,the cloud hitting his clothed chest.You went to take another hit but he took it from your hand,making your eyes widen. “What the hell,JJ?”You asked,tears beginning to form in your bloodshot eyes.He sighed,looking down at you.You were silent as you thought about what you could possibly say,what excuse you could make.You held the bottom of your hoodie,thinking about what you were about to do. “Don't tell anyone.If you tell anyone ill kill you.”You told him.He nodded nervously. “Im serious,not even John.B”You spoke softly,worried that someone would hear you even though you were ten feet away from the house.He nodded again.

You hesitated,pulling off the hoodie with a small hiss.His heart dropped,feeling sick.Yellow and black bruises cover your torso,scratches and scabs and cuts all over your ribs and stomach.You pulled at the drawstrings of your pants,letting them fall into the grass.Your knee cap looked out of place,a large cut across your thigh.He couldn't say anything,tears coming from his eyes as his jaw fell. “Dont cry,im fine.”You forced a grin on your face.His fists clecnched. “Who the fuck did this?”He demanded,hand going to the gun in the waistband of his jeans.You sighed,shaking your head. 

“This is why I didn't want to tell you.”You mumbled. “Dammit!What the fuck does that mean?You cant just let me fucking protect you!Ill go to fucking prison!Doesn't matter if you tell me or not ill blow that son of a bitches brain out!”He shouted as you took steps backwards.Tears were going down his face.Someone had hurt his sunshine,ruined you.No one could make bruises like that with just their fists which meant whoever done this had a weapon.

 “JJ,just listen to me.Im fine.I had an accident and it was my fault.I feel fine.Everything is fine.”You spoke softly,trying to calm him. “Bullshit!”He shouted.Pope and Kiara came down the back steps quietly,trying to figure out what was going on.Kiara screamed when she saw you,causing you to turn around and see what she was screaming for.Now JJ could see the long cut across your back,the moon shaped cuts on your neck and the little bruises all over your shoulders. 

“Kie-im fine.Im fine-just go back inside.”You squeaked out,becoming overwhelmed with everything going on.JJ held his gun tighter. “JJ look at me.Im breathing and standing.Im fine.”You spoke,voice becoming shaky as you spoke to the blonde. “Shit,(Y/N).I think you need stitches for that.”Pope stared at the deep cut.You quickly shook your head,trying to gain control over the situation again. “No-no,Pope thats stupid!Im fine.Go back inside.”You spoke desperately,tears rolling down your face and neck.

JJ looked at the bruises one more time before slamming his hand against the railing.You sand to the ground,head in your hands as John B started shouting for all of you to go to the hospital.You hadnt even noticed him come outside.Kiara was crying,Pope was about to vomit,John.B was panicking and JJ had kneeled down in front of you,trying to talk.You couldn't hear anything he was saying,any sounds except for your heart beating and your sobs.He needed you to go to the hospital,desperately trying to get through to you.He gently lifted your chin up so you’d look at him properly. “Sunshine,you need to get in the van so we can take you to the hospital.”He spoke gently,his fingers tracing lines along your temple and jawline gently. 

“Im fine.”You insisted,trying not to cough. “You’re not fine-your knee is fucking twisted,your back is slashed and youre covered in bruises!You’re not fine!”John B shouted,completely losing his cool.You huffed at the commotion,ignoring the hot tears and the pounding in your head. “You’re so fucking dramatic.”You tried pulled the hoodie from under JJ’s knee. “You cant just put your hoodie back on and pretend everything is fine.”He refused to move.You looked up at him,offering a small smile. “Everything is fine.”You repeated again.His jaw clenched.

 “What the actual fuck?Come on,you know you're not fine!You know you’re not!Just let someone help you for once in your damn life-its either you get in the van and you let us take you to the hospital or I will hunt down whoever did this and shoot them in the fucking face.What’s it gonna be?”He asked.You just shook your head,more tears coming from your eyes.Someone else always got gurt,why>Kiara slowly came up to you,kneeling down and letting you cry into her shirt.You just kept apologizing,crying.POpe ran inside,coming out with a first aid kit and a rag,yelling for John.B to get rubbing alcohol and ice. “Hey,hey you gotta let us help you.”The dark skinned boy spoke quietly,sitting by you.

You let out a loud sob,JJ bit down hard on his lip and tried not to cry too.Everything was a blur as a rag got put in your mouth while Kiara held you tight.Pope was trying to clean the slash on your back with rubbing alcohol,your screams and sobs muffled by the rag. “Guys!Give her a minute!”JJ shouted.Pope took the blood stained,alcohol drenched towel and tossed it onto the porch.Kiara slowly let go of you,allowing you to lean forward.It was unspoken as JJ opened his arms and you wrapped your arms around him as you cried until you couldn't anymore,your eyes puffy.He didn't touch you at all,not wanting to hurt you and remembering you saying that you didn't want to be touched. “Was it...was it Lucas?”He asked.You gave him a weak nod,breaths still shallow from crying so hard.His hands became fists but he tried not to get angry again for your sake.

He made quick eye contact with John.B.They would go to his house and beat the devil out of him later.He rested his head against your shoulder,kissing your collarbone lightly. “Did he hit your head?”He asked.You just held onto him tighter.What a fucking mess this was.You sighed,moving away from him. “How long has this been going on?”John.B asked,sitting down. “A couple months.”You answered,finally coming clean. “Jesus,sunny,why didn't you tell any of us?”He asked.You shrugged,wincing at the pain.

 “Thought you guys would be mad at me.”You mumbled,causing the group to go silent. “You should come inside and shower.”Kiara suggested.She held her hand out to you,you got up with a low groan as your knee made a cracking sound.You pulled your clothes out from underneath JJ,limping back inside with Kie.She turned on the shower for you while you stared at your body in the mirror. “It doesn't hurt...he didn't hit me that hard.”You ran your fingers along the bruises. “He could've killed you.”Kie reminded you. “Its fine,Kie.I bruise easy anyways.You should see Lucas,I kneed him right in the dick.”You gave her a small smile before hesitantly stepping under the hot,flowing water.

You let out a sharp squeak as the blood hit the water,coloring the floor a faded murky red. “Im going to grab you some clothes.Will you let me bandage you up later?”Kie asked.You nodded,watching the blood go down the drain and try not to get your ahir wet.You heard the door open around two minutes later,too tired to open your eyes.Everything just felt heavy. “Why didn't you tell us?”A masculine voice asked.You could identify the voice as JJ’s.You opened your eyes partly,looking over to see him leaning against the sink with clothes under one arm and a towel under the other.

 “You never asked.”Was all you could think of,hand shaking as you turned off the water.You held onto the wall for support,shocked at how weak you were.You felt JJ wrap the towel around your shoulders,holding his arm out for support.You held on tight to his for arm as his other hand went to your waist,ready to catch you if you fell.You were trembling slightly,gripping his arm so hard that it was beginning to lose color. “I've got you baby girl.Take your time.”He spoke softly.You nearly fell as you stepped onto the small rag on the tile floor.The towel still hung on your shoulders,covering your breasts.

He slowly dragged the towel down your body,careful as the material grazed your injured thigh,dragging it back up to pat your neck dry.He kissed your forehead lightly,letting your naked body lean against him.In any other situation it would be all of his dreams and fantasies come true but he couldn't think about anything sexual in this moment.He was helping you,comforting you. “Baby.”He mumbled quietly.Neither of you really knew why he called you that,it just came more naturally than your name.He called you by Baby,Babygirl,Sunshine.Pretty much anything but your name.You could realate.You had nicknames for the others,words you would use instead of their names.

Pumpkin,Sweetheart,Darling,Love.But only JJ got to be called Love.It was something special for only him.You hummed quietly,listening to him. “I’ll hurt him,if you want.”He offered,waiting for your answer.You shook your head,moving his chin so he was forced to look at you. “Don't be so angry,Love.Karma will get him eventually.”You answered softly,pulling him down so you could kiss his nose. “I just wish I could protect you from everything.”He sighed,his bottom lip quivering.You pulled him closer,pressing a gentle kiss on his lips. 

“I know.But you cant and thats okay.”You replied before pulling the clothes from the bathroom counter,trying to figure out how you could slip on the shorts without making your thigh cut bleed again.He noticed your struggle,taking the shorts from you and assisting in pulling them up your legs,helping you with the T Shirt as well. “I love you.”He whispered.You nodded,squeezing his hand. “I love you too.”You answered.

@nas-marie-loves-u @28cnn @sexytholland  @yuxsh06   @ifilwtmfc  @cherryobx @poguestarkey @n1ghtsh4d3-67  @poguestyleskye @judayyyw  @sunwardsss @meaganjm  @outerbongs  @copper-boom  @httpstarkey  @maybebanks​ 

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[alienfru1t]

i was the anon who sent the eyeroll dream thing and genuinely actually do you have any feelings about like dream and by extension sapnap trying to assert themselves into pop off trio streams

because i’m not gonna lie as much as i love dream and sapnap and yeah the going dark thing was funny, they do have this problem where they show up and get confrontational about not being invited and when they do that shit and put everyone on the spot about “being left out” it’s very weird to me you should just accept they want to have a stream alone right..? i was wondering what you thought about that and whether you think they genuinely feel threatened about being left out

like let george hang out with his other friends maybe i doubt they’d do this if it was quackity and karl with anyone else or even just them alone

also i’m too much of a coward to discuss this on my own main idk if you know who this is but i have a feeling it’s smth you agree with and it’s veryyy nice to see someone calling sapnap and dream out for their occasional annoying and stream ruining behaviour

sorry this is so long!! you also totally don’t have to answer btw lmao i just notice the same frustration sometimes through your liveblogging whenever sapnap and dream crash a stream

anonymous: wait wait to add onto my last ask it was the biggest power move for karl to announce that the sex havers only consists of george karl and quackity and i really felt like that was a hint drop from him, i think jokingly adding that anyone else is “a friend of sex havers” was to lessen the impact but i still enjoy the fact that he asserted (and has been asserting) that their group when they’re together is an exclusive trio

i felt it that time he was like yeah well. we were the original sex havers groupchat and i feel like sapnap and dream kinda wriggled themselves into being included like i hope none of this sounds mean i just really want dream and sapnap to understand it’s okay to not be included in everything

oh MAN do i have feelings 😩 dream and sapnap are almost comically emasculated by any little thing that makes them feel inferior and that includes being excluded from things. and i personally feel they have no right to get angry about being left out and to then show up onto their streams to express that theyre upset in front of an audience of thousands. i say this because the other three ALWAYS mention that they dm'd them and invited them to the activity or otherwise said they had reason to believe dream or sapnap wouldnt be available (and even outside of that, theyre not required to tell the other about every single one of their plans lol)

i think getting confrontational about it on stream in the middle of planned activities is childish. take a look at bad for example, who also isnt a part of the trio but doesnt get confrontational about having been left out. the trio is full of lighthearted people, bad came into the call and they asked him if he wanted to join in the game they were playing and he did and that was it. compare that to dream or sapnap and when they join calls. theyre consistently immediately accusatory. the trio will take it in stride (cus again. an audience of over 100k is watching. its really not the time and place to whine and get mad about feeling left out, those are convos to have in private), theyll throw some facts like "we invited you" "you said you were busy" "we already had this planned for a while" etc., then theyll offer an invitation to join. this invitation is usually met w quite frankly STUPID debate about "well why wasnt i included in the first place" like dude. read the room, youre streamers for a living, talk about these things off stream like an adult. plus they literally already said you could join if you still wanted to, whats the problem, why drag it out for longer than it needs to be. it just stalls the stream and their plans and shifts the lighthearted tone into somethin a little more careful (however briefly it might be, it didnt need to happen)

i LOVE karl for saying that theyre their own group and joking that their attitude is why theyre friends of sex havers. it felt like a lighthearted way to lift the mood again and kinda say "hey, we do our own things sometimes, chill"

i cant speak for whether i think they genuinely feel threatened about being left out cus not only do i not know them personally, theyre also not ccs i focus energy on (thats for quackity and george 😌) i DO think that with all the times theyve brought it up when crashing the trio streams, they should really by this point have talked about it off screen. it feels almost like they use the audience as a safety net to avoid the consequence of intruding/being mean cus whoever theyre talking to has to keep a certain face and therefore cant say certain things (might even hazard a guess that off screen they probably still dont REALLY talk about it)

i dont blame them for wanting to be a part of things their friends are doing but i blame them for the way they express that. it makes the atmosphere tense by making it far too personal for something thats visible to a live public audience.

i know theyre around the same age, but the way dream an sapnap handle conflict on screen IS immature vs the way quackity and karl do. quackity and karl have been entertainers for A WHILE and understand how to stay entertaining and theyre far more aware of their audience and the overall mood and how to handle problems and conflict without things getting too tense. dream and sapnap (sapnap moreso) have a habit of being confrontational and not lightening the mood and instead continuing to be mad, making everyone else in the call responsible for the energy of the stream instead of them themselves dealing with the tenseness theyve caused. it makes things awkward and im always hoping itll end fast and that theyd please for the love of god talk about it off stream

thats worded a little dramatically cus its rarely ever THAT bad, but it would be SO much better if it just didnt happen yknow. if they understood that they dont have to be a part of everything their other friends do AND if they understood that getting mad on stream and stalling their plans and souring the vibe isnt the best way to handle it.

tl;dr: theyre their own group who do their own things and arent required to share their plans w the rest of their friends (and usually they dm in advance anyway asking if they wanna be a part of their plans). dream and sapnap feeling excluded isnt something they should get overly heated about on stream (its an immature way to bring up the issue especially without ever offering a solution). these are problems they should talk about off stream where the trio dont have to be so conscious about their audience and its perception. i love karl and quackity for emphasizing that theyre their own group with their own plans and joking that the way they act is WHY theyre not part of the group. i think they deal w it as well as they can and i think dream and sapnap need to learn just a little more spacial awareness and how to handle conflict

edit: quackity/karl/george should be fully able to have their own stream together without anyone else intruding. dream and sapnap arent their bosses, they dont need to run all their plans by them first. if they want to have streams with just their own established group, they should be able to have that.

[beelziebabie]

Title: Alphabet Headcanons with Beelzebub

Time Started: 4:25 AM

Time Finished: 5:30 AM

SFW or NSFW?: SFW

Reader insert?: Yes

~

SFW:

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Beelzebub has a strange way of showing you affection. He’ll shower you in snacks and different foods until you cant eat anymore, then wait until you can eat to feed you to the brim again. He’s trying his best ok

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

You knew each other from your arrival in Devildom, but your friendship really blossomed when you had to move in with him temporarily. He opened up to you and you respected him a lot for that, especially since you are just a human, no one special. Soon, even after you got your room back, you started hanging out in his room again just to talk with him.

So many movie nights. Only because you want to watch a lot of movies and he just wants popcorn. Secret tips to the kitchen at night, going to Hell’a Kitchen during lunch, all that jazz. He’s obviously a pretty good cook, so if you’re lacking in that department he will surely give you some pointers.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Is pretty open to cuddles but fairly shy about it. Even if he wants a short hug, he’ll give you hand a light squeeze to get your attention, then stare at you with puppy dog eyes and its hard to say no to that. His favorite way to cuddle you is to envelop you in his arms, most of the time picking you up. When spooning, he likes being the big spoon because it makes him feel like he’s protecting you the way he couldn’t for “others.”

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Like I said before. Definitely good at cooking. Give him any recipe and he’ll be able to make it better than what you’d expect. He’s decent at cleaning, but most of the time when he cleans up after himself he’ll just get hungry again from thinking about how the mess was made. He’ll go back to eating right when he’s halfway done cleaning. The cycle continues.

And yes, he does want to get settled down, but not yet. He isn’t ready. He’s already pretty mature but he has a lot of anxiety of not being able to protect the little one good enough. He doesn’t want a repeat of what happened.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Gently but also very straightforward at the same time. Right at the end of the day, because he would want to ruin their mood for the entire day. He’s give them a huge hug first (depending on the reason why he’s breaking up with them) then tell it to them straight up. He’d explain why straight after, apologize, then leave to give them some time to think.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Very loyal. Super super loyal and would do anything for his partner’s sake. Again, he doesn’t want to get married right at the moment, but when he’s older and stronger he’d definitely consider it.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

GENTLE GIANT. Snacks and cuddles always available if you ever need it, just say the word. The average demon is taller than the average human by a long shot, and on top of that Beelzebub is taller than your average demon. He’d carry you wherever you’d want to go, always at your beckon call.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Loves hugs so much. Ive said this a lot before but he really, REALLY likes the feeling of being able to shield you from anything that could potentially harm you. He doesn’t initiate the hugs often. His hugs are very warm and cozy, like sitting in front of a fireplace. But sometimes hug sessions get interrupted from his grumbling belly lol

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Not very fast. He’s scared to get attached too quickly and end up losing you. So he’d wait until it was unbearable to wait any longer. Then he’d probably say it on accident and will be so flustered about it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Not the jealous type! But when he does get jealous its obvious. He’ll eat a little bit less than usual, he’ll look a bit angrier, and it’ll be easier to tick him off.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Collarbone and neck kisses when he’s feeling Intimate, Forehead and cheek kisses for something cuter. Especially likes forehead kisses because it reminds him of his height different between you two. When you share your first kiss, he’ll of course taste like food. But past that, he tastes like peppermint and cherry, quite an addicting flavor if you ask me. He probably keeps multiple packs of gum on him just to make sure his breath is fresh.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

So so protective. Since theyre young, naive, and weak, he’d use that as even more of a reason to protect them from literally anything. Plastic fork? Dangerous. Doll? Dangerous. String? DEFINITELY dangerous.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

When he wakes up he wastes no time in getting ready. If anything he rushes, a lot. Just to get downstairs and eat. But when he isnt rushing, he’d actually lay in his bed for a good 10 minutes before actually getting up. His mornings are kind of slow, when he isnt hingry that is.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Cuddles all through the night. He’ll only let you go if its an absolute emergency. If not, don’t expect to be getting up until his next snack break.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

I said this earlier but he started opening up to you when you had to move in with him. He says everything slowly, because thinking back on those times hurts him a lot. You’ll definitely need to hold him through it, even if its just holding his hand.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Not very easily. He’s also very east to please, too. Just don’t eat his food and everything is good.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

All depends on his relationship with you. When youre starting off as friends, he wont pay any mind to the little things you do. But as your relationship progresses he starts to notice them and honestly he gets a bit flustered by it.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The first time you cook something for him. It wouldn’t taste the same as anything else he has ever eaten before. He would love it so much that he would beg you to make him food more often.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Ive already covered this and its kinda nnoying now lmao

And no, he wouldn’t want to be protected. He believes that he is strong enough to protect himself and he doesn’t want to burden anyone.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Tbh not much for dates and gifts and stuff like that. For anniversaries however, he’ll take you out on a date to one of his favorite restaurants, or cook a huge meal for both you and him. He’d eat most of it though.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He eats a lot. And he eats anything that fits his appetite, even if its not actual food. And sometimes when you’re together his hunger will pop up again and he’ll need to eat something before continuing. You don’t blame him, but he feels a bit bad about it.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Not very concerned at all. He’ll occasionally dress up but only if he’s being told to. Other than that, no, he doesn’t really care much about his looks. He just wants to look presentable enough to go out.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Also depends on your relationship with him. If you’re just a friend who he occasionally talks to, then no, he wouldn’t care much about you. But anything past that he would feel like you are becoming more and more part of him.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

idk lmfao

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

In general, he wouldn’t like it if you were sneaky when it comes to food. Please don’t ever steal his food. I’m begging you.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Cant sleep without holding something. Whether it be a pillow or a person, he needs to hold something while going to sleep. When you came into his life he slowly eased that onto you, starting with just sitting on the bed with you as you slept, then he would lay down with you and drape his arm across you, then after that he’d hold you just like a child would to a teddy bear.

~

NSFW version coming right after this!

(sorry if theres spelling mistakes lmfao im so tired sorry)

[tr4shmouth-tozi3r]

‘I love you, did you know that?’ - richie tozier x reader

requested: yes & im gonna die bc y’all keep requesting the cutest shit and I actually wanna stab myself in the face as I write this shit cause its just so damn cute🥺

summary: Richie constantly found himself not wanting to go home and sometimes his friends had no time for him, but you? You always had time for him. He found himself making routine trips to your house after so long, throwing rocks at your window till you’d open up and let him in. Let the cuddles ensue.

pairing: richie tozier x reader

warning: fluff, swearing.

-

Summer 89’

“y/n!” Richie cupped his hands against his mouth as he whisper-shouted up at your window. You had your window slightly open and he prayed you would hear him, that you weren’t asleep. He needed someone and all his other friends were asleep. He had a feeling you’d be up for some reason. He was right.

He grinned when he saw your shadow bounce off of the wall in view of the window and your head popped out of the window, “Rich? What are you doing here? It’s like midnight.”

“What, I can’t stop by a friend’s house for a visit?”

“Well... you can, but usually it wouldn’t be at midnight.” You giggled at him and rolled your eyes.

“I mean, who cares, you’re up aren’t you?”

You let your eyes study him for a moment and you frowned. He had a scratch on his right cheek and his eyes looked red and puffy, like he’d been crying for hours on end and had just stopped not long before arriving to your house.

“Is it your mom again?” You spoke softly and he tore his eyes from you, letting them dart around and land anywhere but on you.

“Yeah... but who cares? I don’t wanna talk about her. Let me in?” He raised an eyebrow and pushed his thick rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose. You smiled warmly and nodded at him. He climbed his way up, which surprised you. The side of your house where your window was always was a pain in the ass to climb, but Richie was stronger than anyone could have pegged him to be. Physically and emotionally.

That was the first of many nights to come over the course of your teenage years. You had grown closer and closer and before you knew it, Richie’s visits became a nightly ritual. And Richie went from the Trashmouth to your Trashmouth.

July 9th, 1992—

12:30am

You jumped at the sudden crack against your window. You barely made it to the window before you saw Richie’s head pop up from the other side and him furiously tapping the glass.

You laughed as you realized he was struggling and you hurriedly opened the window and the screen, letting him fall forward and through the window, “Ouch!” He stood up quickly and shook his disheveled hair back into place and placed his glasses back over his face.

“Next time wait until I come to the window before you start climbing. You know how much of a pain in the ass that shit is to climb.” You smirked at your boyfriend’s eagerness to see you, but it also left you unsettled. It must have been a real bad one tonight...

“I just missed my babydoll too much to wait.” He grinned at you, wrapping you up in his arms and squeezing you so tight you thought you might burst. You laughed and melted into his embrace. He smelled like a menthol camel and your favorite cologne that he wore. He pressed a kiss to your lips eagerly and you tasted the cherry slushee on his tongue. You hummed into his mouth, darting your tongue out and slithering passed his lips. He tangled his tongue with yours, smiling into the kiss.

“You taste good, should have brought me one.” You pouted as you pulled away from his lips and he laughed at you.

“Sorry, babes. Next time, I promise.” He kissed your forehead and found his way over to the bed, gesturing for you to follow. Your nightly visits with Richie became known to your parents. They had caught on after some time and you explained Richie’s situation to them and how he hated being home for a good reason. They understood and left it at that. Soon, once you became a couple the visits turned into sleepovers and your parents still hadn’t protested. Maybe, it was because they hadn’t necessarily caught onto the fact that you and Richie were together now. It was probably better that way for a while, or else you didn’t think there would be anymore sleepovers if they knew.

You followed him to the bed and he pulled you down onto the bed with him, his arms snaking around you and his head resting ontop of yours as you snuggled up to him, “You know, I totally wanna tell my parents we’re together, but then we can’t have sleepovers anymore.” You pouted up at him and he laughed at you, throwing his head back.

“y/n, we’re 16 and we spend almost all of our time together and they totally know I’m obsessed with you. I think they know.” He wiggled his eyebrows in amusement as he finished speaking and you giggled.

“Okay, maybe you’re right. I haven’t confirmed nor denied it, though. Let’s just go with that, assuming they know.” You pursed your lips and shrugged, letting yourself be content with that.

He squeezed you tightly again and let out a sigh, “God, I’m so glad I’m here with you and I don’t have to spend another damn minute in that fucking house.” He mumbled quietly and you frowned into his chest. His mom was a severe alcoholic and took it out on him and his dad? Well, why do you think his mom was an alcoholic? They were the perfect toxic to ruin a beautiful soul like Richie, but he would never let them and that’s what you loved most about your boyfriend. Sure, he masked the pain and bottled things up sometimes, but he never lost sight of who he was and who he wanted to be. He never gave up on being happy and you were certain that was because of you and all of your friends.

“Was it a real bad one tonight?” You asked softly as you eyes searched his for answers. He shrugged and before he gave a verbal answer, your eyes landed on his neck. He had bruises on his neck in the shape of a handprint and saw that you had noticed, so he didn’t speak. He didn’t need to. You already knew the answer.

You cuddled up closer to him and he squeezed you a little tighter. You leaned up and placed small and soft, lingering kisses to the bruises on his neck. He smiled into your hair, “God, you’re so fucking perfect, you know? I can’t believe you’re really mine.” He shifted his weight and faced you as you laid down next to each other, faces inches apart.

“Rich, I’m nothing special, no need to butter me up.”

He rolled his eyes at you and huffed, “No, I’m serious. Don’t say that. You’re amazing. If I didn’t have you, what would I have beside the rest of the gang? A shitty home life? Some corny sex jokes? Fuck, I’d have nothing else. And with just you, comes so much. Look, I’m not much of a sap, but you get me all worked up and I malfunction around you all the time and I act funny. I guess it does that to you, huh? Love and all.” He was rambling sweetly and you both froze up when the four letter word fell from his lips. You searched his eyes, waiting for something else to come, but he was nervous and anticipating your response.

He totally didn’t mean to say that. You guys had been dating for a bit, but hadn’t said the L word yet and he said it and you felt like squealing like a little girl and crying happy tears and just having a complete overload of emotions, but you didn’t. Instead, you blinked fast and hard and you swallowed the lump in your throat.

“Holy shit, you said that.” You smiled after a moment and he relaxed, his face flushed and he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck.

“Holy shit, yeah I did.” He laughed in embarrassment and then studied your face, “I mean, it’s true. I love you, did you know that?”

“I love you too, Rich.”

He smiled down at you, “Wait until I tell the guys I accidently did it. Eddie’s gonna hate me, he had a whole little plan set up for me to tell you. He said it had to be super romantic and shit.”

Your heart fluttered and you stared at him in awe, “How long have you felt this way?”

“Sweetheart, I’ve loved you since the first night you let me climb through your window back in 89’. Shit, I just... didn’t wanna scare you away. You were there when I needed someone most and I’m so glad it was you. You showed me what it felt like to really care for someone.”

“Richie Tozier, I am so in love with you.” You beamed and your heart soared as you replayed his words over and over again in your head, “You really are a sap for me, huh loverboy?” You teased him and his face turned beet red instantly.

“Hey, shut it toots, now gimme a kiss, damn it.” He put his hand up to your face, running his thumb over your cheek and you leaned forward, kissing him slowly and softly, taking your time. Smiles shown through during the moment as you pulled away from each other. His big brown eyes magnified by his glasses were filled with so much love and you felt truly and utterly happy.

The rest of the night was filled with endless words about anything and everything and the constant exchange of ‘i love yous’ because damn, you just couldn’t get enough of hearing him tell you that.

Richie Tozier found a home in the most unexpected arms. You were the only thing he needed. Nothing else mattered on these nights you spent with Richie. It was just you and him and the rest of your lives together. He loved you all along, and now you knew that.

-

Woah that was so fucking fluffy and oozing w cheese I cant bro

The end was legit so corny but I loveeee itttttt😭 Hope you all liked this one❤️

[johnnysnostril]

Without You

chapter sixteen

**present day**

ivy’s pov

playing with my fingers as i sat in front of mark, i placed my hands in my lap.

“i can tell that something is bothering you.” he voiced.

i slightly sighed and bit my bottom lip.

i couldn’t just come out and say it. i was too scared.

i didn't want to break anyone's heart. but i didn’t want mine to be broken either.

i was stuck. between two men. two great men.

mark reached down to hold my hands and squeezed them tightly.

“just say it.” he whispered.

i looked up at him, with sadness in my eyes.

“i’ve never been in this type of situation before.” i whispered back. “i never thought that i would actually like someone this much.”

he smiled, thinking it was him.

but it was johnny.

i gazed down at his busted lip.

“what happened?” i questioned him. “tell me the truth. i know johnny didn’t do that to you.”

running my thumb across his bottom lip, i felt the roughness of his scab. mark tilted his head a bit, glancing down at my lips too- before closing his eyes.

“at the party..” he started. “i got really drunk. there was this guy there, who kept taking shit.”

i furrowed my brows.

“what was he saying?”

mark shook his head.

“that doesn’t matter, ivy.” he released my hands, running his palms down his face.

“he was getting ready to leave and i followed him- we fought in the front of the house and that’s it.”

i thought for a minute.

“why did you fight him, mark?”

he was becoming frustrated with my prying.

“because, i have all this built up anger. i just needed to release it. i have anger issues.” he groaned in an honest tone.

my stomach was turning in knots. i never thought that he would be the one with the anger problem.

“is that why you and johnny...”

“yes.” he interrupted. “he’s always so hostile with me. that night, i seen an outlet and i took it.”

my chest was starting to become heavy.

“so you only fought him because you were just angry? not because of how you felt about me?”

he immediately shook his head, snaking his hand to the back of my neck.

‘that’s not what i meant.” he whispered as he nudged his nose against mine.

“i’m very attracted to you- but that night, i was just angry. look for a fight with anyone who would accept the invitation. and he bought into my anger.”

mark leaned in for a kiss, but i turned away.

his expression on his face changed.

“you're lying.” i said standing up.

he didn’t like me. he just wanted me because johnny wanted me. he wanted to make johnny upset, just by being around me.

“you used me for an anger outlet.” i said hugging myself.

mark furrowed his brows and stood up with me.

“that’s not what happened at all, ivy. don’t do that.” 

reaching for my hand, he started to come closer to me.

i held out my arm, keeping my distance as i walked backwards towards the door.

i felt slightly numb. like this was the first time that my heart had ever been broken.

it wasn't, but that’s not the point.

“please. just stay away from me.” i whispered as i walked out the door.

jaehyun’s pov

after practice, i decided to go to the basketball court. just to think a little.

as i dribbled the ball through my legs, the only thing that kept running through my mind was alonna’s picture.

she must've sent it to him. there was no other way that he would have got that picture.

but, why would she do it? after everything he put her through. maybe she really did still love him.

taking my frustration out on the court, i did a few layups before i noticed my phone going off.

i tilted my head as i approached the bench.

alonna was calling.

i hesitated to answer the phone.

*ring. ring ring.*

it kept ringing and all i could do was stare at the screen.

her caller ID was a picture of us, smiling like we were happy, at least, i thought we were.

the call ended, popping up with a missed called.

i sighed, taking a seat on the bench and closing my eyes.

the phone rang again.

this time, i answered.

“jae!” i heard her yelp through the other end.

“why are you ignoring me?” she cried.

“i’m not ignoring you, alonna. i’m at the park- trying to play basketball.” i said softly.

“i’ve called you 10 times already.. i need to see you. which park are you at?” she asked.

“can we please just wait until tomorrow..” i leaned my head back, looking up at the moon.

“this cant wait. please, jae... if you love me, you’ll hear my side..” alonna pleaded.

i hated the tone of her voice when she did that. made me feel so terrible.

i exhaled loudly, shaking my head.

“sunridge park..” i finally announced.

alonna quickly hung the phone.

alonna’s pov

hopping out of the uber, i thanked the driver- running over to the basketball court.

coming over the hill, i seen jae by himself- throwing the ball inside the hoop.

i was nervous about this conversation.

i just needed to know what was said.

“jae..” i called out for him as i approached the court.

he ignored me, picking up the ball as it bounce on the black asphalt.

i folded my arms around my chest, stepping onto the court and under the lamp-post.

“can you stop ignoring me please...” i whined as i made my way over to the large pole that held up the hoop.

jae slightly lifted himself off the ground, making the jump shot.

i quickly caught the ball before it made it to the ground.

he looked over at me, breathing heavily.

he stared at me for a moment before making his way over to me, reaching his hand out for the ball.

i slipped the ball behind my back, hiding it from him.

“not until you talk to me.” i whispered. 

i was fighting back tears as he stared down at me.

“what do you want me to say?” he finally spoke.

“i know you spoke to tae.. what happened?” i asked.

jaehyun rolled his eyes and reached for the ball again.

i smacked my lips, throwing the stupid basketball to the other side of the court.

“fucking tell me what happened! what did he say to you, to make you mad at me?!” i yelled.

his face was calm. he didn't move a muscle.

“i think that’s the first time you’ve yelled at me like that.” his tone was deep and raspy. almost like he was about to cry.

“communicate like the grown man that you claim to be.” i shouting, pushing his chest back. 

shutting his eyes, he stepped back a little- losing his balance.

jaehyun’s pov

i glued my eyes down to the floor. i wasn’t too sure on how to express these emotions. this was our first serious fight and i was terrified of the outcome.

i nodded my head.

“alright. let’s communicate then.” i started. “how did he get it..” 

“get what?” she asked in a confused tone.

my anger was starting to boil in my throat. and seconds later, i found myself spilling over.

“how the fuck did he get the picture, alonna?” i shouted, breathing a little heavy.

alonna didn’t flinch at all. she stood in front of me with her arms crossed.

“i have no idea what you’re talking about jaehyun.”

i breathed a laugh, waving her off and walking to the bench.

“stop playing dumb with me. you know what the hell im talking about.”

i was starting to see black. my eyes were clouded with frustration. i knew she was lying to me.

as i sat down, lowering my head- i cupped the back of my neck.

alonna slowly made her way over to me, kneeling down in front of me.

“babe, i honestly don’t know what you’re talking about.”

her attitude switched once she noticed that i meant business.

i wasn't going to play this game with her.

i shut my eyes, trying to calm myself down.

alonna placed both hands on my thighs, tilting her head to meet eyes with me.

“i don’t know what he told you- but i haven’t spoke to him since the night of johnny’s party.” she admitted. “i told you what he said to me in the pool house. he said, from his own mouth, that he hurt me on purpose. why would i need to speak to him after that, jae?”

cupping my chin, she lifted my head.

“i would never do anything to hurt you. he’s just trying to get in your head.” she whispered.

“he has the picture that you sent me..” i voiced hoarsely.

alonna chuckled then sat on the ground with her hands in her lap.

“i can’t believe he would go this far...just to hurt me.” she mumbled.

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

she sighed and ran her fingers through her long hair.

“he has access to my icloud. he must have signed in with my password and went through my shit..” she admitted.

i shook my head, clasping my hands together.

“why does he have access to your icloud, alonna?” 

she looked up at me with tears in her eyes.

“because, he wanted to make sure that i wasn’t seeing someone else, while i was with him..”

as she looked off to the side, a tear ran down her face.

now, i was starting to feel stupid.

“he sees that someone actually cares about me, and he just wants to ruin it all..”

alonna shut her eyes and hugged herself.

swallowing my pride, i fell to my knees- wrapping my arms around her.

“i should have just listened to johnny.. i’m so fucking sorry, babe.”

she quickly wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged back.

she softly laughed in my ear and shook her head.

“johnny? what did he say?”

placing small kisses on her neck, i mumbled against her skin.

“that you would never do anything like that, and that i was stupid for even thinking it was true.”

she pulled back, looking up at me- with sad eyes.

“he really said that...?” she questioned.

i nodded.

“now i feel bad for being mean to him.. he was on my side..”

johnny’s pov

i tossed the blanket from over my head and furrowed my brows.

“who the hell is it?” i groaned as the knock on the door continued.

no answer.

“i swear to god if its the cleaning people...” i mumbled. “the do not disturb sign is on the door!”

throwing my feet into my house slippers, i looked over at the clock.

“it’s 2am!” i shouted.

i rubbed my bare stomach, dragging myself down the stairs.

my pajama pants just barely clung to my hips, but honestly, i didn’t care. like i said, it was 2am. whoever was at this door was about to get a mouth full.

rolling my eyes, i swung back the door.

“what the hell do you-... ivy?” i said blinking quickly.

this had to be a dream. ivy was not standing in front of me.

rubbing my eyes, i blinked a few more times.

she was still in my doorway, dressed in an oversized hoodie and leggings.

“i’m sorry.. i didn’t even think you were going to be here- let alone be sleeping..”

i messily ruffled my hair, trying to fix it.

“i’m sorry..” she repeated, waving her hands in front of herself.

backing away from the door, she began to walk away.

i shook my head, stepping out of the doorway and reaching for her hand.

“don’t.” i whispered. “please, come in.”

i took her hand, pulling her inside the room and shut the door behind her.

she awkwardly stood in front of me, pulling her sleeves over her hands.

“would you like something to drink?” i asked, pointing towards the kitchen as i walked in that direction.

ivy shook her head and bit her bottom lip.

swallowing hard, i pushed down my emotions.

all i really wanted to do, was pick her up and kiss her.

i was excited that she was here. did that mean that she accepted my apology?

ivy followed behind me, sitting herself down in one of the chairs.

i laughed as she ran her sleeve against the counter in front of her.

“you might wanna get up.”

ivy slightly smiled. “why?” she answered back in a soft tone.

“your sister and jae had sex on that chair.” i said popping open a redbull.

ivy pretended to vomit as she stood up, quickly.

i shook my head and leaned against the fridge.

she frantically wiped off her butt and groaned.

“so gross.” she mumbled.

i stared at her for a moment, taking her features in.

she looked back at me, biting her lip once again.

the room filled with silence.

there was so much tension in the air, i felt like she was feeling exactly what i was feeling.

“why are you here, ivy?” i said cutting to the chase.

she shrugged her shoulder and sighed.

“i was trying to figure out a way to apologize to you- without looking stupid.” she laughed.

i watched as she walked closer to me, standing on the other side of the counter.

“i went to see mark.” she started. “on the way there, i was practice for how i was going to tell him, that i just couldn’t-” ivy glanced down at her feet.

“well, whatever you wanna call it.. i couldn’t do it anymore.”

i could tell she was slightly panicking, from her body language.

“because, after you left from the restaurant.. i couldn't stop thinking about you.” she mumbled quietly.

i smiled at her words. i knew this was taking a lot out of her to admit to the way she was feeling.

“then after, i talked to alonna about everything. she really made things- more clear, if you will.”

ivy shut her eyes, lowering her head.

i gently set my can on the counter, licking my lips and moving in front of her.

“i guess, all im trying to say is that..” she lifted her head, opening her eyes.

inhaling sharply, she placed her palms on the counter behind her, to lean back a little.

i slowly snaked my arms around her waist, pulling her against my chest.

“you’re saying that you want me?” i grinned.

ivy’s eyes were screaming of lust. i watched as her chest began to quickly rise and fall.

“i wanna hear you say it.” i whispered.

lowering my head to her neck, i breathed against her skin.

she smelled so good.

moving her hands around me, she clutched at the waistband of my pants, tilting her head to give more access to her neck.

placing soft kisses against her neck, i felt her body shiver. 

her breathing hitched in her throat as i gently sank my teeth into skin.

“tell me that you want me, just as bad as i want you- ivy.” i groaned.

as she ran her hands up my back, she sank her fingernails into my skin.

“i want you, johnny.” she breathed.

[breaniebree]

A Second Chance Chapter 219

I received an amazing number of reviews on this chapter and I wanted to share them/address some of them here to show my immense appreciation for those who take the time to drop me a line or two for what I write.

Some of you have decided after this chapter you can no longer follow my story and while it saddens me, I expected it.  I write first for myself and I know where I want this story to go and while I hope you all keep reading it -- I know that not everyone will continue it. 

Devereaux13: I can’t. You really just did that to us? Started this story with a oh! Sirius is gonna live! But NOO u had to frick us all over. Oh my god. I love you for this story but hate you for this story. I cried more this time than the cannon one. Goddamn

Lightningscar: Huh, well, judging from the reviews, this chapter is getting you a lot of heat... personally, I though it was great in many ways, both in action, description of thoughts/feelings and great descriptions of what was going on. My biggest beef, though, gotta be this: *Ginny grabbed Luna's hand and the two of them climbed onto the wolverine's back* Ehm, it is likely it was explained in previous chapters, and if memory serves, Animagi are generally slightly larger than their natural counterparts, but... a wolverine is generally about the same size as a medium dog, shoulder height being around 30-45 cm (12-18 inches), 65–107 cm (26–42 in) long (not counting the tail). Basically, Ginny and Luna are crawling on top of a Spaniel or a Golden Retriever (on the small size) Yes, wolverines are ridiculously strong compared to their size, capable of carrying prey many times its own size... carrying dragging it. One big difference between carrying something in its powerful jaws, compared to carrying something heavy on its back. A few other minor beefs Ehm, why did Voldemort pull a Jafar on the cat (Lady G, was it?) and not outright kill it? So they got giants wandering down mid London without anyone being the wiser? I'm sure you have thought of the logistics about it :) Well, all in all, great chapter. Things have advanced rapidly compared to canon, for better (less Horcruxes) and worse (Ministry bye-bye)... though, in the latter case, it can be interpreted somewhat ambigious. Fallen as in the place (which was a given, seemed to be completely overrun suddenly... makes one wonder where all of the defence forces went, guess we will find out sooner) or if it has fallen as an orginazation like they did in canon. Curious to see what happens next. Yours sincerely, Lightningscar

Menna Taha: Ok let me just say.. Sirius was going into battle with the intent to save his son, knowing that his Fiancée who he was very much in love with was pregnant with TWINS. I mean you’d think he would be more careful than in the books where he was reckless, lonely, rusty and under house arrest in a place he hated. Also the ministry fell! Just like that! After all the preparation and the relations with the french, Bulgarian and Russian ministries AND the fae and the army they made AND the warning they recieved! What were they fucking sleeping! I love you please don’t hate me.

They were not sleeping, but they weren’t prepared like they should have been.  It’s a problem that will be addressed.

HGRHfan35: Well...shit... This was a really bad idea: to read this in bed. How the blazes do you expect me to sleep, now?!

Daddy: WTF! Why end it here. WHY!

Wade Bradford: Noooooooooooooooo!

AZfangirl: i cant believe you killed sirius. this one really hurts

Ofglitterandgiggles: I’m broken

axelvaz: Started this about a week ago and I’m finally all caught up! But oh my gosh! What a cliffhanger! Sirius!

Emeralds and Rubies: I thought we might get off easy when Pettigrew fell through the veil, butI’m heartbroken for Harry and Zee, but you definitely did this whole plot point justice.

maximusrexmundi: Eeeeeehhhhh so I was with you until the very end. I just can't imagine a Voldy who is objectively in a weaker position (than in the books) being able to muster a force that could attack and defeat a FULLY prepared ministry who both knew he was coming AND had international allies

Runningtwiceasfast: I have to say I am incredibly impressed with this chapter. I am obviously sad as I was in canon when Sirius died but due to the more uplifting tone of your work overall that you would shy away from a turn like this. Sirius' death is so important in canon a it really is a turning point in the story. Obviously when Cedric died it was sad but Sirius' death made everything all the more real. Your Harry has gotten so much more of a life and childhood than canon Harry but he too is now faced with the reality of life without Sirius. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Joanne: Wow! I’m so sad. I’ve been listening to Led Zeppelin in honour of Siri. I had hoped that this part of canon would be ignored but alas. War is war. Amazing storytelling: you made us feel this loss and that takes talent. I both dread and look forward the next chapter. Will Harry take Ginny with him? Will the breakup occur? Did Remus and Tonks make it out? Will there be a funeral? So many questions! Enjoy your birthday and rest while we all grieve.

Ahugefun: I need you to undo sirius death. Im not joking He shouldnt Not with zee pregnant and harry so attached to him Its not fair to us the readers who enjoyed your story so much andddd already mourned sirius a little bit when he was kissed before you changed that.. Im hoping that you wont kill remus and tonks in the end of the war. U are your own story and if somthing happen in jkr world doesnt mean it should here!

Everything that happens in JKR’s world is what inspired me to write my story so of course it affects it.  Some will be the same, some will not -- includes character death.  Not everyone will die who did in canon, but some will, and some who survived in canon, will die here.  

jakegarrett94: nooooooo not sirius

Leaf Ranger: ...I'm sorry...but this...this is exactly why I called fucking bullshit in the last chapter. Because of all this. This. My problem isn't the pacing of your story. My problem is all this death and carnage and bullshit happened...not because of something realistic...but because the Grey lady, for no reason, was a cryptic dumbass. That is my problem. While it'd be hard to swallow, I'd have accepted most of what happened in this chapter if there was an ACTUAL reason, in the story, as to why they weren't able to be told where the diadem was. but there wasn't. The only reason was solely because YOU wanted it that way. And it's your story, fine, but at the very least, there should be a damn good reason WHY, in the story itself, things happen the way they do. It should never...EVER be just because you, the author, want it to happen that way. because then it breaks the immersion of the reader, if something happens solely for the sake of you, the author, having it happen that way. *sighs* To be honest? I'm sorry, but this, this just is too much. You killed off Sirius and had the Ministry fall DESPITE the preparations they had already made, despite the warnings they had. That just...no. I'm sorry, but no. I'm done. Thanks for what was a pretty entertaining story up to this point, but after this? Just nope. It's not worth it. It really isn't.

Sorry to hear that, but again, it is obvious to us the readers where the diadem is, but not to them.  The Grey Lady can be cryptic if she wants as she’s dead and has nothing to lose, it’s up to our heroes to find the answer.  Sorry you feel it’s not worth it, thanks for reading as long as you did.

Redplayer1998: Please tell me it's a trick sirius can't be dead not after 200 chapters of building his character please no

Dutchie: Oh man Sirius died, bummer! Still a great story.

Whiton: Hey I’m a bit late but I wanted to say happy belated birthday. I love this story it’s fun it’s sad it’s thought provoking and is just a wonderful thing to read. Hope this finds you well and hope you keep writing.

AkashiyaHyrule: What the... this can't be it. What's the point of creating all that military platoons, and gathering allies-if the Ministry are just going to fall so fast? This feels waaay to early for this story plot to occur. But that's just my opinion. Hopefully you got a plan that works, and it's believable. It's also in my opinion that if Sirius Black's "death" is true (hope it's not), Zacharias should not be with anyone else or find someone else to replace him. I suspect you might do something of that nature. You haven't shy away from all the random romances that occurs, even in minor characters. Don't think I haven't notice your tendencies to ship characters! Anyways, it would be annoying, weird, not the same, awkward, and off-putting. I hope that will never happen. But then again, this your AU, so you have the final say on what you want to implement. I invested a lot of my time in this piece of fanfic, so I don't wish for it be ruined by very disagreeable choices (it's all subjective, of course). I mean no disrespect, as I know writing is a tough pastime, and you deserve to be commended for the amount of time you put into your AU. So, good luck. You deserve your break, and hopefully things will be explained Chapter 220! P.S: He's really dead, isn't he? I guess I would have to expect the death of Remus, Tonks, Fred Weasley, Colin Creevey, Lavender Brown (at least in the movies), Dumbledore, Snape, Moody, Dobby, etc, etc. P.S. Why the hell am I just naming character deaths?

Guest: There . Are . No . Words. Saz J

Guest: I, like so many other readers here, have absolutely loved the changes you have made to the story of Harry & Sirius - it has been a wonderful story that we have looked forward to reading every week. However, as much as I love your story, I am upset and disappointed that you had this last chapter play out the way it did. You have, for 218 chapters, written about great changes and strengths for Harry, all the others, and especially Sirius. To have this last chapter happen almost like the original version (book & movie) is a bit of a let-down to your earlier chapters. I will still look forward to reading your story, but maybe without the enthusiasm I have had this past year.

KittenWithAnAx: damn it! I'm crying! Why do I always hope that Sirius survive? even when I watch the movie I hope he don't die! I hate and I love you! yes A break is need! let us mourn in peace! my baby died! and I know that in two weeks I will be back! because I'm too curious and I love how you write! I will still mourning Sirius but I will be back... anyway I will go cry in the shower! have a nice two week break! (and Happy Birthday!)

Blitz90: Hello Breannie ! First of all, I wanna say that your story is awesome ! I really like many of the change that you bring to the HP world! Congrats on that ! Now, about chapter 219, nice chapter all around but I felt that the training they got change nothing but maybe because of the stress to fitgh Death Eater explain it to... maybe you can show me the light on this ? Second, the death of Sirius... I must say that I am disapointed about that. I know that you said in the beginning that it will be ultimately a Hinny story but for me, Sirius was the heart and soul of you fiction. Lets hope that he is just in shock or king of a coma !

Qarz: You put a lot of effort into this, writing so many words is nothing to sneeze at and it shows dedication. However, you don't seem to understand that actions have reactions. If you make changes in Canon then the whole story has to change to make any modicum of sense. You didn't do that and the more than 1.5m words are a waste since it led to the same place and somehow things are even worse than in said Canon. I truly pity those who read this huge story just to be disappointed.

nesciamema: Kinda disappointed by Harry's shoddy fighting since they've all been training for a while, the only one who seemed to be thinking strategically was Ginny before she was taken out. Hoping Zee doesn't miscarry and fights for the babies rights as heir to the Blacks. No way in hell should any Malfoy hold the title with what just happened.

goldenone: thank you for posting this on my birthday it was a great gift but also HOW COULD YOU IMA CRY

aj613: ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod I was hoping Sirius would be spared holy shit oh my god whyyy? Amazingly written as always, BUT WHY?! THEY WERE GONNA GET MARRIED AND HAVE BABIES AND HARRY CALLED HIM DAD I—

Rufus777: I understand why you had to kill Sirius. But it still makes me sad. Well written as always. I've been a fan since chapter one. I had forgotten about the Dursley stuff. Good on you to remind everyone of those memories. Keep up the awesome -rufus

kyle.grimm90: I am so sad that Sirius died again... I was really hoping he would survive this time. I love you story is so addictive but I wish that would have gone different. I was so excited he didn’t go through the veil I was jumping for joy and then wammm he died. I won’t stop reading but it killed me when he died.

Haillie: WHAT! OH COME ON!

yunkol76: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Thanks for the present! Now time to enjoy another GREAT chapter

coloredwords: First things first. A very happy birthday to you. I hope you have (had) a wonderful day. Second I wish you no riot reviews for your birthday. As much as I want to know what happens next, I respect you too much to shout and riot. But what a chapter! Damn. When Peter fell through the curtain I thought for a second Sirius would be safe. But alas. My last hope lies within some time turner or time room miracle. And all of a sudden we skipped right to the beginning of DH. I'm so curious to see what happens next. Have fun writing and enjoy your two weeks off. I will be here, waiting patiently.

Fruitcake49: I would rather this entire chapter be a nightmare. Why do Sirius and Harry always get the short dirty end of the stick? Such terrible childhoods and Sirius has to die leaving Harry alone. I gotta tell you if anyone other than a character in a story were put under this much pain and unhappiness they would crack and cease to function. As much as I like this story, Harry needs Sirius. I'm tired of people killing him off.

Steelcode: NO NO NO NO NO! HE WAS GOING TO GET MARRIED...HE HAS KIDS! WHAT ABOUT HARRY'S KIDS! WHAT ABOUT SIRIUS' FUTURE! PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS ANOTHER JOKE PLEASE!

X.pix.X: Happy birthday, and great chapter

Undead Gothic Princess: you are mean and a god all at once! I was on the edge of my seat the whole time reading this, then took a sigh of relief when pettigrew died cuz I thought "hey, Sirius will be fine now, he survived!" then wham! I dont think he's really dead dead though. they'll either be a way so that it was polyjuice or maybe they use a time turner. something better happen so that he just appears through the front door/hospital wing and is like "whys everyone so down when my hansome face is here?!" please let it be true, otherwise I dont think I can go on in this cruel world xxx

HarryPotterLover2422: Such an amazing chapter! I have enjoyed reading this story for quite some time now and look forward to each new chapter. I am so sad with what happened to Sirius, but I am looking forward to what’s to come! I loved the Lucius called Theo his son that was amazing! I think one of my favorite things about this story, other than how amazing it is, is how you humanize especially the Malfoy family in terms of Draco and Theo. Amazing as always! Happy belated birthday! Can’t wait for more! ️

Leo: Happy Birthday! I was so excited to see that you have written this chapter, until I read it, I can't believe you've hit us with the double whammy. This chapter both made me cry and amazed at your incredible writing skills. I hope you carry on and finish this story. However, most importantly, please, please please, please, puppy eyes please can you post the chapter. I know you said you won't but imagine puppy eyes, you know you can't say no to that. Keep us the brilliant work.

I am imagining puppy eyes, but no, I’m sorry.

GoldenPotterFan: Chapter 219 and the first time I am commenting. Started reading this story between Christmas and New Year 2018 and read all chapters up to then by the time I went back to work. Since then I have waited for updates every week. Somehow, I don't believe that Sirius is dead. Just a feeling I have. I also think Lucius might be working against Voldemort while still not quite working for the Order. I would not be surprised if he saves Sirius somehow. I cannot wait for another update. PS Happy Birthday, I hope you had a great day :)

devonleney27: HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY! Thank you for the gift of this chapter, sorry I didnt get you anything!

DoodleBug78: OMFG cannot believe that! Really?!

witchyromy: mmmm i would have thought that with the time living in the magical world, and all the extra training harry has done, with sirius and remus and mischa and the rest of the group as well in the extra defense lessons that this would have gone better, they almost only used stupify and some 1st year spells. The whole thing is 80% the same as the original... i have to say i am a bit disappointed.

Sorry to hear that, but I kept what I needed to keep in there for a reason and I hope you will stick around to see that, but if not, well thanks for reading.

Guest: Welp, I’m crying. I’ve been following this story for a while, and honestly didn’t expect to be so upset about Sirius’ death, again. You’ve done wonderful work at recreating this moment. There are so many tiny complexities in this rendition and I can’t wait to see what comes next. Hoping zee’s fall didn’t hurt those babies. Thank you for your work. ️

snowball0709: Happy birthday! Hope you have a great day:) Now to the story.. HOW COULD YOU KILL SIRIUS? This story is all about his second chance! And the wedding, the twins... come on, siriusly! I really hope you have something up your sleeve and that he miraculously lives somehow. Can't wait to read the next chapter!

Lolikiano: I'm so excited you posted early! I can live with the cliffhanger as an exchange! Your stories have inspired me to write my own fanfiction and I can't thank you enough for that! I'm looking forward to your next update in two weeks! P.S. I love the "Surprise" pregnancy (which i TOTALLY called when Zee got ill!) I can't wait to read Harry's reaction!

Maggie1874: I'm so sad and disappointed that Sirius died. I was really hoping he'd live in your story.

Krazyasibe: Happy birthday! But why would you do that! I love Sirius!

alix33: No need for anyone to shoot Nott senior in his undersized wanker, Ginny will just have bat bogeys coming out of it rather painfully (and satisfactorily for us readers) in a jiffy. Dumbles had sweet fanny adams to do with the six being able to turn into animaguses. I like Lady Godiva's way of dealing with Death Eaters far better than I do any of the light side's humans' only effective for a couple of seconds stupefying. That vile bitch Bellatrix killed Sirius! I wonder which charm was used on the statue which made it keep Harry away from Dumbles and Tom Riddle junior.

wheezing-reader: Happy Birthday! Your story is probably one of my all-time favorite fics! Saying that WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! No. This is not okay. I'm not okay with this.

Josh: Can't believe you killed Sirius! Hope something miraculous is going to happen. This is supposed to be about "A Second Chance" for him, so he needs to be alive!

Menna Taha: Happy birthday! But still how fucking dare you

jmdaz44: I know Sirius canon-ly dies in the fifth book but I was hoping you’d spare us somehow, especially after the proposal and pregnancy. Instead you were just fattening us up to be slaughtered. You’re cruel. I love the story and your writing but it hurts. It hurts. I truly hate your Bella. I should have waited to read this until this evening because now I feel like my whole day is ruined and it is just starting. I hope you’ve got something feel-good planned because I’m pretty down on this right now. I guess that parallels where we are in the story; things are getting real and nothing is for certain anymore. Hope is a dangerous thing.

alyson3il: First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope you have a wonderful day, and short hiatus to get everything straight! Second of all, WHHHHYYYYYY?! WHY? Why? Y? y? WHHYYYY! I thought Sirius would be SAFE, you lured us into security with Peter, but then it just HAD to happen. I got my hopes up that it wouldn't be him, he had Zee, he had the twins on the way, HE WAS GONNA GET MARRIED! I get that things happen, BUT THIS THING DIDNT NEED TO HAPPEN, or maybe it did. You're the author, you have a plan in place, and you know what you're doing. I'll just be hurt for the next two weeks.

Miss Elyon: 1) Happy birthday dear ! All good for you! 2) Thad Nott - It was too late! (I loved that Lucy killed this son of a troll) And Wormtail ... I'm sure you will be very well received in hell! 3) Bella ... fucking crazy bitch ... something will come to you and it won't be pretty! 4) More importantly - You made me cry so fucking hard with Sirius. I went into depression until you post again. I truly love your story (although it makes me cry like a baby!). The pain at his death was more brutal than the book. I know you have something planned (I hope) and I will be reading (with a sniffling nose) the next chapter! To cure this chapter I'll read the whole story again and cry all over again ... I think I like to suffer ... kkkk See you in the next chapter ;)

chefke: o.m.f.g. omfg. I'm freaking out

xcherry91x: OMG NOOOOOO! I was hoping that Sirius wouldn’t die. I cried when I read that. The babies! They gots no daddy

SuperBossy: Not happy at all.

rolly21: I can’t believe you killed Sirius. I was really hoping that you wouldn’t.

LilyBlack18: I was so not expecting that. I was sure Sirius wouldn't die . My god, reading his death again was pure torture. At least Harry still have Zee, Remus, etc. I'm so sad, though... I really thought you wouldn't keep that part of the story, and you gave me false hope when Peter died x)

greg.is.wilson: You are evil.

Mutt N. Feathers: Yes my dear, I do trust authors. Needless pain is never inflicted by them. I made readers think I killed Sirius too, but instead had other plans. You love him too much. I live in hope. Mutt

supersandman86: Oh man! Not Sirius! He just got his life to perfection. Loving son, a fiance and a child on the way. Nice to see Wormtail redeem himself by shoving zee out of the way and Thaddeus got what he deserved. Now we just need to give Crouch and Bellend Lestrange pain that even they can't endure. This was always the dark point in the whole franchise in my opinion, where Harry felt the most hopeless. Let's see how it goes.

Sirius black411: You are so cruel...so so soooo cruel. They were going to get married...have twins and raise them.. How could you?! I can't imagine what Zee must be going through but she is still there for Harry. She will be a great mother.

Wodril: This Sirius didn't really seem like the guy to be done in while taunting. Not being hit by the killing spell, and the whole "he'll writhe in pain as he dies" spiel makes it a bit more uncertain. I never really appreciated him coming back to life after the dementors, and kinda hope, for the sake of the story, he'll stay dead this time. He will probably show up as an inferi anyway?

Jewels46: Omg... I’m crying! You’ve reduced me to tears. I know it was a very real possibility, but I hoped it wouldn’t actually come to fruition even though I understand the significance. I do really like how you wrote his death though, a much more fitting end. The bit you added with Peter had led me into a false sense of security that the lovable mutt would be safe. I just can’t even right now. Wonderful chapter. I’m going to cry some more and eagerly await the next one

Dianne: Yes I need atleast 2 weeks to emotionally reconstruct myself after this bombshell of a chapter. Deep breaths in and out. Curious about how you've brought a 7th year canon event now itself. I'm not sure I even took in everything coz I was crying so hard and couldn't read clearly, was reading this at clg and I surprised everyone by suddenly crying out loud and sobbing :'( and everyone was baffled when I said one of my most favourite characters just died painfully and I was crying for that, but they don't understand the power of reading or the power of HP thankyou for an early update and kudos you're an amazing writer!

purplevictory: That wasn't nice. I mean, happy birthday and everything, but did your present to yourself really have to be the torture of your fans? I know Sirius will be fine, I just don't know how you're planning to get there. Thank you for the early chapter. But, when your birthday celebrations are over you really ought to write "I will stop being mean to my readers" 50 times. You don't have to use a blood quill.

Write lines as punishment?  I don’t have time for that, I need to write the next chapters.

xXMizz Alec VolturiXx: Noooooo I can’t believe that after all this you still killed Sirius! When his life was finally all good with babies on the way!

eternal king of fire: wow this chapter was a tear jerkier poor sirus and zee

speedsONEandONLY: No. Nope. No. I refuse to see this as a real chapter. None of this happened. I mean what was the point of letting them be happy, of getting rid of the Horcrux early. Only to fucking destroy them. To make him want to sacrafice, kill himself anyway. This chapter didn't happen. This is a "what couldve been" I doesn't make any fucking sense. Nor does it for the narrative. So, No. I refuse to think, Believe, You could be so heartless to characters/people you love. That you made us love. I don't see anyway how the story Could really go on, if this chapter actually happened. It reads more like the last Twilight movie from when Aro rips off Carlisles head. Sorry, but no.

Sorry, I guess I’m heartless.  Comparing me to Twilight though, that’s heartless. 

Ari Black-18: I know that this is a war, but please let Sirius escape death again, don't do this please, please make this better, tell me that Remus and Tonks somehow save him, tell me that even tho he is in bad condition he's still alive, don't leave his twins and Harry without a father, don't live Zee without her love, don't rip away Remus's brother from him, give him a second chance from the original story, let him be there with Harry at the end, the world it's already too shitty for it even to suck in a fanfic. Call me naive or delusional, but I actually believe that this is not over, I trust you enough to know that you wouldn't do this, your story it's to damn good to lose such a character just like that, so I know you are going to fix it, you're going to pull a surprise under your sleeve and make us love it so much. I believe in you, I mean you wouldn't just kill Sirius like that, not this Sirius, your Sirius. I trust you, I know you wouldn't do this. Please enjoy your break, chill, eat a lot of snacks, maybe even party a little, and then, please, bring our uncle Siri back.

Seriuslypadfoot: Hey Breanie, very well written as per usual. I hope Sirius isn’t actually dead, as this story is one of the few Sirius and Harry fics that I have thoroughly enjoyed and don’t want his character to end this way. Powerful moment with Malfoy in this chapter, but I wish he showed more backbone and fully went against the death eaters like his family wants. Again, hope Sirius doesn’t end here, the death will really hurt the story in my opinion. But this is your story so write it how you will. Thanks for your hard work!

Thank you!  Malfoy doesn’t have much of a backbone, but I do have a plan for him.  I’m sorry you feel that Sirius’ death hurt the story, I think it’s important for what’s next.

DetroitNate: A review? I hated this chapter. Oh the writing is great as usual, but what happened in it? I hated, loathed, detested it. I hope justice comes and comes quicker than Hinny did in this story cause it is getting too difficult to read of how these vicious bastards seem to get away with anything they want. JKR did two things I can't stand in canon kill off Sirius and Fred and now I'm wondering if this story will follow her on that pattern... I hope not, I really do.

Thank you and I promise, justice will come quicker than Hinny -- as in it won't take another 197 chapters, maybe 196, just kidding! 

Paola1991: So is this death for real or is he coming back? I mean you tricked us once. I guess i kind of assumed you’d never kill him off because it was kind of a sirius fix it story? Where he gets a better life? This took me by surprise. Its primarily why i hate book 5. I thought someone else was gonna die instead. Hes the one character i would never kill i guess. Especially with zee having his kids! Not sure how i feel.

Guest: can i honestly beg something? can you please bring back sirius alive? please? i know u wont do it.. u have a plan with ur story... but as a big big fan of ur story im really really begging will u please?

Queen Raja: Wow. And I thought the book’s death was heartbreaking! Seriously, bravo. I don’t cry easily, and this chapter made me UGLY cry! Waiting until two weeks will be very hard, but I’m glad you’re able to take some much deserved time for yourself and Dusk. Happy Birthday, Breanie!

Maisie: how and why could you do this to mee im cryinggg please say its looking better in the next chapter

midnitewanderer: Dumbass went and reread it. Not gonna lie, it was a brilliant chapter but I am still this close to hunting your ass down and forcing to rewrite Sirius back in. Where’s my angry emoji when I need it. I can’t help but feel that you wrote Zee the way you have specifically for this chapter. Not only does she come into their lives and becomes the best pseudo mom ever written in any HP fanfic, she basically adopts Harry into her entire family. Sure there’s stories out there with the Weasley’s treating him as one of their own but not like this. ZEE’S ENTIRE FAMILY ADOPTS HARRY. Your sneaky ass has been prepping us from the beginning of her intro! He calls them all Grandad/Grandpa, Grandmama/Grandma, etc. so that eventually he sees that he’s never truly alone. Then enter the Weasleys, McGonagall, Rem&Tonks, Andi&Ted, Dumbles, Nev, Lu, Mione, he’s surrounded by so much love. I just know the next chapter is going to be hard for me seeing as I’m a crybaby but damn it to hell, I can’t wait. 2 whole weeks. What am I gonna do?

Thank you.  I guess I was kind of sneaky like that, wasn’t I? 

Zacnelson0628: Breanie... I kinda had a feeling that was going to happen. Still really sad though. I hope you kill of bellatrix in a spectacular manner.

I will do my best -- I do know exactly how it will happen and who will do it.

notthatchhavi: Oh, wow!  I don't know what to say!  This was a extremely well-written chapter When Lucius said that Theo was his son...it was such a moment I went ooooooohhh Well other then that..I cried I literally cried when Sirius died and yes I am still in denial I hope atleast Remus and Tonks will be okay.. Harry needs some support from one father When Sirius died.. it broke my heart.. Harry calling Sirius Dad.. and Sirius saying that Harry was the best thing ever happened to him I feel that he was not saying that just to Harry.. it was to James too because the Potters were the best thing which happened to Sirius I feel really bad for Zee...being pregnant with your fiancée's children and then him dying is not an easy thing to go through But the most importantly...this chapter made me cry I have read many fanfictions.. but i have never cried.. they might have been super good.. but has never made me cry I think the ability for a writer to make the reader both and laugh and cry is extremely important and difficult...I think by this story you have proven yourself as a damn good writer

Having Harry call him dad was vital and every time I tried to change it, I came back to it.

josht1987: Just know, that I am very mad at you you right now. We'll see what happens after the next one. An extremely well written chapter, but... You know what you did.

Daerwin45: not Sirus oh please he is so important it was going so good im sorry i am just a fan and it has been such a great story i did not mean to question your reason. i just was enjoying harrys and Sirus' relationship.

PotterBlondie: Oh my god, I wasn’t expecting Sirius to die! Or for anything to go this badly in one chapter! I hope he gets to escape death again? Pretty please? I hope you had a wonderful Birthday!

midnitewanderer: Nope. I’m done. I’m done. I AM FUCKING DONE! I will have no more toilet tissue by the end of the night. My chicken is currently burning on the stovetop. My emotions are freaking fried right now. Not only was he... UGH! I can’t. I literally can’t right now. I know this is fiction and whatnot, but my heart is hurting. How in the hell did I get so emotionally invested in this damned story?! Now, I’m going to remove my burning chicken and cry in a corner.

scrappy8: OMG what a chapter Poor Sirius is gone

Covley Hatake: Please let Sirius some how had lived. I like cheered when Pettigrew went in the veil instead and then that. You like ripped my heart out with Sirius. Like come on. Still good story but wanted Sirius to be there for the happy ending. I picture Harry though being the best big brother to those babies and protecting the hell out of Zee and the babies. Betting she tells Harry soon as well. Also question if he is dead what does that mean for them claim the Black title? With out him to claim them they would be seen as illegitimate and as the deal with Malfoy was made he could take it? curious on that one.

akshutalankar: well this is a really bad chapter to be posted on birthday... plz give us next soon... make Sirius alive pretty please

shooter124: O my god, I am crying. Please don’t take Sirius from us, Zee needs him and so does Harry! However that death scene was crazy good. I’m hoping that you have this elaborate plan as to why Sirius had to fake his death or something. Please please please say he is still alive, Sirius and Zee have not finished their story yet and Remus needs his best friend. This is my favourite story I have read on FF, you are a fantastic writer and I get excited every time you post!

Wolf's scream: Nice set of Bat-Bogeys, Miss Weasley! Yeah, a ticked-off wolverine is NOT something I'd prefer to cross. Greengrass is there? That's ... something I was not expecting. Yeah, Theo's advice to smash the Prophecy seems pretty sound to me. (With the possible caveat that certain DEs might lose whatever semblance of control that they have...) Seriously, Hermione? That's not a "baby." And in any case, Petrification is not intrinsically harmful: it merely decreases the probability that the Petrified one will pose a danger to himself or others. Sheesh. Somebody needs to get her priorities sorted. :-) I'm a little surprised that the DEs that trapped the teenagers in the Brain Room were using less-than-lethal spells. Granted, I'm rather glad that they did, but I don't understand whys. Well..! Lucy IS good for something, I guess... It's rather a pity that Harry hadn't smashed the Prophecy and grabbed another as a decoy. :-} Oh! What would happen if Harry were to chuck the Prophecy through the arch...? Ah - excellent move, Lady G! :-) Remus was dueling Dolohov? But Harry had Petrified Dolohov just a bit ago... maybe another DE released him, or the spell wore off? So - the Rat did something useful before departing... BTW, a fairly effective dueling technique might be to blast the floor/ground out from under one's opponent. Or merely make it incapable of supporting the opponent's weight. Especially if one is in a structure and not on the bottom floor. Well, at least there's no ambiguity at all regarding Sirius's fate. :-/ Well, laughing at Bella is a pretty good way to ensure that she's even more off-balance, yeah. It's good that Dumbledore addresses Tom by his given name (vs. the nom de guerre that he made up)

Guest: You cant do this Sirius can't be dead! Please let him live! P.S. happy Birthday Seriously though bring Sirius back.

dhnysports88: for the love of god tell me they planned to fake his death, DON'T DO THIS TO US

minerdude: Wow this is a great story, even if you killed Sirius, although with the next chapter I hope we discover thinking he was dead was part of the fog of war. If Sirius is dead it was truly well written to get our guard down by sending Peter though the veil

Old-fashionedAnglophile: What. The. ACTUAL. HELL?! Are you trying to destroy us? And you're making us wait for it? Damn your excellent and captivating writing. I'll be waiting for the next chapter with bated breath.

Thank you (I think).

littlehughesy: WHY? Why must you keep killing off characters that I love!? It's like Game of Thrones all over again! I get that it is canon for Sirius to die at the Ministry, but for fuck's sake can't Harry just have a little less suffering for once? For the love of God, if you kill Remus and Tonks in this story, I am done. Just done. I cannot handle my emotions right now. Okay, venting over. As much as I don't like it, your story is still fantastic. And hey, cheers for the early update and happy birthday!

Atea1793: You... are... absolutely... evil... YOU KILLED SIRIUS, KILLED DEADALUS DIGGLE, LEFT ZAHIRA A PREGNANT WIDOW BEFORE SHE EVEN GOT MARRIED, MAY HAVE LEFT HARRY AN ORPHAN AGAIN, AND HAD THE MINISTRY FALL A WHOLE YEAR EARLIER THAN IN CANON?! I'M STARTING TO THINK YOU'RE AS SICK IN THE HEAD AS VOLDEMORT IS! Excuse me while I spend these next two weeks gathering a mob to go after your twisted ass. The Death Eaters will seem like playground bullies when we come for you...

Guest: Omg. Omg. You actually killed Sirius. I cried. I honestly would have rather see Remus die, but maybe that’s what makes this story stronger and more intense. I definitely need 2 weeks to process this. Poor Zee and poor Harry.

lcwintersoldier: Goddamit how could you kill Sirius :'(

LifeonEarth: Oh come on you hand to bring Marauder into this. This hurts.

I’m sorry, but I thought Marauder deserved to be in Harry’s thoughts.

White Squirrel: Why does everyone feel the need to kill off Sirius even when there's good reason for events to play out differently? Honestly, this whole section felt like it wasn't up to your usual standards. You copied so much from the book, even when they had different people there and a different plan. It would have made more sense and wouldn't have been that hard to choreograph a different battle sequence.

I felt that it was important to keep it similar which I will explain later on, but of course you’re entitled to your opinion.

love reading20613: Oh god no please no

alistark94: What an ending! I gotta say I'm suprised you still killed off Sirius. Great story by the way!

Anixara: Wow, I find this story just in time for the latest chapter to be THAT. God damn it. Now I have to figure out if waiting for the next chapter is even worth it with how much that fucked with my emotions.

Breaniefan: This was so unrepresentative of your characters to just shove them back into JK's exact plot. This Harry would never have been so impulsive, Ginny and Theo would have escaped, the well trained Order would have been quicker on the mark and more effective. This was just lazy writing, taking so much of the original story and just shoehorning it in - I'm so disappointed! Also why the fuck would you kill Sirius? The whole point of fanfic is to FIX those stupid character deaths from the original, not go and do it again. I've followed this story from the start and loved it, but if Sirius is still dead next chapter... You've lost a reader.

I’m sorry that I’ve lost a reader over this, but as I said, I knew he would die from the first chapter.  Harry would be that impulsive because Ginny was kidnapped and there's no way he wouldn't try to save her.  She and Theo may have been able to escape but not unscathed.  I don’t believe that fan fiction is made to “fix” stupid character deaths because the original story is amazing and I’m getting the chance to play with the characters we all love so much and Sirius had a second chance on life and he lived it.

Adelite: AAAAH. aaAAAH. I came here for a BETTER WORLD and you killed SIRIUS BLACK of ALL PEOPLE and just when HE LEARNED HE IS HAVING TWINS?!?? I swear to god AaaaaahahahAH the original didn’t hurt this bad I read 219 chapters in 2 weeks just to be welcomed with this I am absolutely gonna riot and also what happened to Tonks? P.S if you kill Rem, Tonks and Fred in the battle of Hogwarts I will personally pee your pants

Pegg7: I can not believe it!!It has been chapter that i'm saying something bad was about to happen, but not this bad!!!!!The only think i can do now is wait and speculate: you had wormtail die through the veil and not Padfoot, so, maybe, there is a chance, i have hope! By the way, the chapter itselff is good, nothing less to say... I'm going to have a lot of speculation as how the thing are going to be next, so i'll dread this 2 next weeks Love you (a little less) as always

lovelyellie: that really hurt my feelings damn

phoenixmaiden13 (Lady Phoenix): I so hate this chapter, yet it was so good. Still can't believe you killed off Sirius, I thought he was safe for a minute but I guess not. At least they will have a body to bury. I'm going to go cry now.

They will have a body to bury and I hope that chapter makes you all feel the emotion as much as I did writing it.

MrToddWilkins: But he is still alive! The blood-Harry’s right!

Bosma18: Happy birthday but why did you have to kill Sirius he was one of my most favorite characters he and zee where supposed to marry and live happily ever after I wanted Sirius to die of old age while being surrounded by his grand children

Jmcglynn522: You killed him.... you killed him... he just found out that Zee was preggers, with twins(FYI: Taking antibiotic potions and birth control potions = Twins. Mine just turned 20.).And there’s no do over this time....no time turner.... just... you killed Sirius Black.I love your story, I’m bawling hysterically right now, but I don’t like you very much at the moment.... you killed him....why??? (Happy parts: Ginny preforming the “bat bogey hex” on Thaddeus’s dick for Theo! Lucius killing Thaddeus for hurting Theo, “his son!”. Ron touching “Uranus”. Lady G not dying. Zee not dying. And Pettigrew’s death was to kind.) And Happy Birthday!!!(Even though I may be traumatized for life.)

Pettigrew’s death may have been too kind but I think it was an important turning point for him in that he saved Zee for Sirius.

LordSmidgeon: I'm hoping so much all this was pushed in his head by Voldemort after the brain room to mess with his psyche. I'm hoping he comes to and they are just getting him away from the veil. Or it was all what he saw in the veil. Like honestly, if you have to have someone die please dont kill Sirius (at least not yet).

Siriuslover: Im in denial. He’s not dead.  How could you kill Sirius!! He was the main reason I’ve loved reading this!! Ugh please take it back I’m so sad

kellykat1889: Your evil.

RiverFord: I think I’m going to need two weeks just to recover from this. I’ve absolutely loved this story so far but you literally just killed off my favorite character and I can’t even...

archiveScrapper: Happy birthday! I'm a long time reader and first time reviewer, but I finally felt like I had something to say (plus wishing you a happy birthday is important). I'm actually weirdly... proud? of you for keeping Sirius's death at this point in the story. In the books it's kind of the point at which Harry has to officially grow up, and realize that even though he's a kid, he's the center of a really vicious war where his actions have very real consequences. And he has no one left to fully protect him either. Even in a fic where Sirius matters a whole lot more, and Harry is gonna be a thousand times more hurt by his death, that moment of change, and of Harry accepting his inevitable place in this fight is really important? So I just wanted to say that as much as I'm really sad about Sirius being gone, because I really did enjoy him getting to be happy for once, i think it's an important moment for the story and I'm really happy that it's one that you kept even in a version of this story that's a lot happier than the original story ever was. I've been wondering how you were gonna handle this moment for a long time now, and although I'm definitely gonna go cry about Sirius's death now, I'm really happy with what you decided to do.

xXQueenOfDragonsXx: NONONONONONONOSIRIUS! I WANT TO HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW BUT I CANT ‘T

TheOneWithWritersBlock: Please tell me this is a dream. Please tell me that Sirius didn't actually die. Please tell me that the ministry hasn't actually fallen. Please tell me it's all one big giant nightmare.

leflemmeenrose: Happy birthday!A break is definitely needed. I'm gonna spend it crying until you upload the next chapter haha. Take your time.

Zerius: Yay! Pettigrew's dead!I am struggling so hard not to say I hate you. I don't actually, but why did you feel the need to kill off Sirius?! He was Harry's family, he had Zee, he was in love, he had such an amazing life and now... Now he's never going to see Harry and Ginny get married, he won't see his children grow up... And Dedalus Diggle? What was the meaning of his death? Why did he have to die? And so cruelly... I love the new battle though. I've got a love/hate relationship with this chapter. Great job, can't wait to see what happens next. Please heal Sirius! Maybe he's not actually dead? Maybe there's a cure? Please say there's a cure! Again, amazing job! Update soon! I love it!

LaureWithAnE: I don’t really like you at the moment. But, happy birthday! How is it, after 17 years, the death of Sirius Black still makes me cry?

PurpleLotus (Person of Earth): Why did you have to kill Sirius? I just can't even process everything that happened. You made me cry and my heart is broken for Harry and Zee and the twins. I don't know what is going to happen and it's killing me. The ministry fallen already...I have no words for the desolation I feel. You have emotionally annihilated me, so congratulations. I understand the need for a break, I will be waiting impatiently for the next update. Happy Birthday and Happy Writing!

[dearericbittle]

Sterek masterpost

So, now that I’ve written 30 (!) Sterek fics, I figured it was about time that I made a masterpost of my stories. You can find the full list on my Tumblr as well!

Been here before and it just feels right (strangers tonight) - (T, 3.4k) Summary: Derek Hale was an awkward teenager, but he grew into himself. He grew out of that pulling pigtails phase. Shame that being reunited with his old crush brings it all back. Even worse: Stiles doesn’t even seem to recognize him. Or does he?

Better that I break the window (than miss what I should see) - (M, 9k) Summary: Someone opened Stiles’ window. But he’s all the way on the 7th floor - how the fuck did that happen? Spoiler alert: werewolves are real. And really hot.

Bring on the monsters (bring on the real world) - (E, 11.1k) Summary: He was supposed to be making an impression on Lydia, but instead he’s making fun of a terrible werewolf costume. To be fair, those mutton chops remind him of Michael J. Fox in the worst way, and the guy didn’t appear to be too offended. He was too busy smelling Stiles for some reason. He really shouldn’t have forgotten cologne.

but that’s just a first impression (I could be totally wrong) - (T, 2.9k) Summary: Derek is on a really awful blind date (Laura will pay for this). But the waiter is really cute.

The coolest wolf in the whole wide world - (T, 8.3k) Summary: Stiles is surprisingly good at being a wolf. Like, super good at control, loves the drama of making weird entrances, and determined to try all the things. Because he has to find out what’s different about being a wolf. And Derek is going to be his Yoda, whether he wants to or not. Only Stiles is pretty sure Yoda never smelled this good.

Detective Stiles Stilinski and the Case of Derek Hale’s Mysterious Mate - (T, 5.6k) Summary: Mates are a thing. A werewolf thing. Which is fine and shit, but finding out that Derek fucking Hale has a mate? That gets to him. And seeing as Derek won’t tell him who it is, well… Guess that means this is a job for Detective Stiles Stilinski - if he’s not too distracted by his traditional banter with Derek.

Everything mixed up (and baked in a beautiful pie) - (T, 6/6, 42k) Summary: Stiles’ friends are more of a pain in the ass than usual around the holiday season. Just because he spends all of his time at his bakery, doesn’t mean he’s unhappy. So hiring a fake boyfriend seems like the perfect, simple solution. Instead Stiles stumbles onto a stupid quest to make Derek Hale happy. But surely that will all work out in time.

Fit hot guys have problems too (don’t objectify us with your male and female gaze) - (T, 1.7k) Summary: To Cora, 1:24 AM: im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect?? Derek is tired of being objectified. Enter Stiles Stilinski, hot mess who has an opinion about everything. Derek is surprisingly intrigued.

Gymnophoria - (T, 0.9k) Summary: Stiles is paranoid - he keeps feeling someone’s eyes on him. Surprisingly, no nefarious plans happen.

He got lost in my DMs (wanna be way more than friends) - (T, 2.8k) Summary: Derek is somewhat of an online hero, providing candid pictures of himself to anyone who wants persistent suitors to just go away already. Stiles… is suddenly surrounded by assholes who apparently really want to hear about how great his fake boyfriend is. Part 1 of Slide into those DMs

Heard you were tough (but you don’t look it) - (T, 3.6k) Summary: Derek is a protective Alpha, and whenever he sees a human in danger, he has to step in. Usually people are grateful. This guy? Not so much. 3 times Derek saves that ungrateful magic user’s life, and 3 times the ungrateful asshole saved his in return

Here we are two strangers (with nothing but this little spark) - (T, 6k) Summary: Stiles is only at this masquerade party for revenge. Theo Raeken has taken everything from him, and this is the only way he can get close enough to ruin his fucking life. He gets sidetracked by a mysterious stranger who’s looking for revenge of his own. Maybe they can help each other…

I might never be (your knight in shining armor) - (T, 2.9k) Summary: So, in Stiles’ defence, he didn’t actually know that the woman harassing the dude-sel in distress was an actual witch. Or that the dude in question was an Alpha werewolf who claimed to be able to handle himself. Stiles agrees to disagree on that one.

I take this magnetic force of a man (to be my lover) - (T, 6k) Summary: Derek is pretty happy with the mate he’s somehow chosen, even though Stiles has no idea - and no interest in Derek. But that’s fine. Except Peter just has to open his big mouth, because he clearly wants to ruin Derek’s life. Part 2 of Laura Hale is the best Alpha

I’d be a fearless leader (I’d be an Alpha type) - (T, 7.8k) Summary: Most teenagers would run off if they found a bleeding half-wolf, half-lady with red eyes snarling at them. But Stiles’ fight or flight response has always been a little fucked, and Laura Hale looks like she could use a break. Part 1 of Laura Hale is the best Alpha

I’m gonna light a spark (gonna hold my breath until the morning) - (T, 2.5k) Summary: Derek hates the bus, hates how people use it as an excuse to sit close to him and bat their eyelashes at him. And then this stranger who smells like home just falls asleep on his lap.

Lie under different stars (I’ve not seen you in the flesh for so long) - (T, 3,4k) Summary: In which Laura Hale is a queen of holding on to childhood mementos and seeing things her brother won’t, and Derek Hale rediscovers his love of Mischief.

The man who’s gonna marry you (make you feel alive) - (T, 4.2k) Summary: Only Finstock could marry the wrong people. Only Greenberg could fill out the papers wrong, but Finstock didn’t even check. It was like he wanted Stiles to be married to Derek Hale. And no one would want that, except maybe… Stiles.

No more dark sad lonely (k)nights - (T, 2k) Summary: Derek is an Alpha without an emissary, so his nosy betas made sure he attended the convention. Stiles is clearly in the wrong convention hall, because his Batman cosplay does not appear to be going over well.

Old you in the garbage (new you in display case) - (T, 13.4k) Summary: Stiles is lonely and desperate and suffering from a crush on the grumpiest librarian. So what’s a boy to do but cook up a ridiculous plan to get himself dated and/or finally get laid before the holidays? He just wants his She’s All That moment, okay? He never expected that the plan would actually help him get the guy.

Real life isn’t a movie (life doesn’t make narrative sense) - (M, 11.6k) Summary: Somehow accidentally insulting a hot guy in a coffee shop leads to pretending to be his boyfriend in front of a house full of werewolves. Stiles Stilinski is living his best life and making the most of his Hallmark movie moment.

Shoot your shot when you see em (he’s already in my DMs) - (T, 3.9k) Summary: Derek may or may not be falling in love with one of Laura’s employees, and he’s only ever spoken to him on the phone. Stiles doesn’t even know his name! But apparently, he does know how to slide into his DMs. Part 2 of Slide into those DMs

Some Cupid kills with arrows (some with mistletoe) - (T, 9.5k) Summary: It’s the same thing every time. Derek Hale comes home, the town is in a snit, and Stiles Stilinski polishes his metaphorical armor and gets ready for a battle of wits. Not that he considers Derek’s comments particularly witty. Their friends are just tired of the sexual tension and the rampant egos, and they’re ready to do something about it.

Such great heights (corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces) - (T, 3.3k) Summary: In which everyone in the pack is together and alive, because fuck canon. In which Stiles is surprised that Derek’s super hearing fails him. He just wants to know how tall Derek is, why is that such a big deal?

Teach me how to thrive (i was a loser just like you) - (T, 4.9k) Summary: Scott was cool now - the Squip had made sure of that. Stiles? Not so cool. All he has left are his cryptic conversations with perpetually wasted Derek Hale as he desperately tries to get an evil computer chip from taking over Beacon Hills.

We were young once (innocent and fun once) - (T, 5,3k) Summary: So maybe making Lydia jealous is just an excuse for him to finally talk to Derek Hale - it’s been ten years and clearly that high school crush is not over. There’s just a lot more to Derek than he was expecting.

We’ll put on a show (Scotty has to know) - (T, 7.7k) Summary: Stiles is a stubborn asshole, determined to have fun in Europe even though Scott stays behind in Belgium because of a girl. So asking a stranger to make out with him for the ‘Gram? Totally the best decision he’s ever made, and not just because that’ll totally show Jackson (and Scott!). Shame he won’t see the guy again, though.

What it looks like to forget (it’s easier that way) - (T, 4.9k) Summary: He has no idea who he is, but the stranger with the whiskey eyes is calling him Derek. And the guy has been sitting at his bedside for three days, so he’s got some credit. Especially because the guy smells like he should be his - though that is a supremely weird thought that he probably needs to figure out first.

You want forgiveness (I’ll give that to you) - (T, 2.8k) Summary: Derek is running from the Alpha, suffering from wolfsbane poisoning and he’s clearly losing it. Why else would he be seeing his mother - and everyone else he might as well have killed himself. But Stiles can’t just let him get what he deserves. Stiles never leaves him behind, even when he should.

You’re moving me around you (I said darling hold me) - (T, 14,5k) Summary: Derek is the only beta in a pack of two, blaming himself for the loss of their entire family. When his sister pays someone to get him used to human contact again, Derek preps himself for a couple unwilling handshakes before he kicks the stranger out of his den. Stiles is… not what Derek expected.

[gothgfveronicasawyer]

oof

[gionamim]

BRIANNE TJU,  CISFEMALE, SHE/HER.  —  looks  like GIONA MIM is  attending   AURORIA UNIVERSITY  in  auradon.  they’re  the  NINETEEN  year  old  child  of MADAM MIM,  which  means  they’re  from  THE ISLE OF THE LOST.  heard  they’re  SOCIABLE  &  LOYAL,  but  can  also  be  RECKLESS  &  FORLORN  ;  we all have our bad days.  people  normally  associate  them  with  LETTING MUSIC LEAD YOUR BODY , MUSHING A PIE ONTO SOMEONE’S FACE , STOMPING AROUND IN BOOTS TOO BIG TO FEEL POWERFUL ,  CLOSING THE DOOR SO NO ONE SEES YOU WISHING ON A STAR —  

hello hello !!! it took me way too long to plan this child but now that she’s here im so excited for her !! pls if u like cabaret, magic, baking, and bitching, then step right up !!!

[ PROFILE ]

NAME: giona giulietta mim

NICKNAMES: gg

AGE: 19 

HEIGHT: 5′1″ (smol)

BDAY: november 2 ( scorpio! )

BIRTHPLACE: camelot

DEATHPLACE: .....camelot

FEATURES TO NOTE:

vk colours: pink and green and black

tattoos of constellations dotted and lined on her left calf: the lyra, and scorpio

dotted by herself

she has no pulse, no heartbeat

she doesn’t bleed

body temperature is cold

her skin heals quicker than average, if damaged

DOESN’T LOOK ‘DEAD’ (no dead skin, no disconnecting limbs)

she actually looks pretty perfect lol thats the star in her heart ayyy

when she’s truly happy*, she glows (like a halo around her head)

*truly happy = well ..... it’s a case-by-case basis

ON THE ISLE: it wouldn’t have been a full halo ... just more like a sparkle in her eye 

[ BACKGROUND/ SUMMARY AT THE END OF THIS SECTION  ]

madam mim has always been an average witch, but the way she gains excessive power momentarily is by eating the hearts of other witches, wizards, and magical creatures. this was how she fought merlin, way back when. and when she was defeated, she was furious, distraught, ashamed, embarrassed, but mainly furious

she spent years trying to find the perfect heart to consume, the one that would give her the ultimate power to defeat merlin once and for all (petty bitch)

she REALLLYYYY just hated losing and its SO PETTY BUT SHE LETS IT DRIVE THE REST OF HER DAMN LIFE

and it took her years and years. TOO LONG, in fact. because by the time she found one, the creation of the isle of the lost had been found, and she was running out of time.

she figured out that the way to beat merlin was to use his own tools against him: LOVE, BELIEF, GOODNESS. and she was losing power, so there were no pure hearts to be found easily (though snow white had plenty of children, they were too heavily guarded), so she sought other means. 

she studied the lore of stars. she charted, planned, and waited for the next fallen star. it is said that if you were to consume the essence of a star, you would be filled with the purest magic of all, an everlasting, and sustaining magic. 

a week before she’s meant to be thrown into the isle, she finds a star. 

but it’s not all she thought it would be. the essence of the star was so pure, it was fading in her evil hands. in its raw form, it refused to be consumed, let alone touched, by her. so she wrapped it up in a cloth (its light already fading slowly), and scurried away, seeking another way to keep the star and ultimately eat it. 

bear in mind this is all just to defeat merlin 

she experiments quickly, using millifractions of the star and testing it on different creatures: she finds out that if she chooses the little woodland creatures and let them eat the heart -- and she eats their hearts...she’s awashed with the intense magic. 

but how to find a large enough heart that will stay alive all these years in the isle? she decides to find her child. the child she abandoned decades ago, the one where she can’t even remember where she left it. 1 year old, wandering the woods, died in the cold of winter. but she knows where it would have gone -- to the land of the dead.

and there, she finds a wizened old skeleton (elder gutknecht) telling her that she simply cannot take the dead out as she pleases -- but madam mim uses the last of her magic to find a way and now she finally has a capsule in which to keep the essence of the star

she keeps it in her daughter’s heart. and as soon as it is in there, the girl comes back to life -- well, an almost-life. she has no blood rushing through her veins, no heartbeat. she doesn’t feel pain or exhaustion as a living girl does. 

on the isle, mim begins a MIM’S MUSICALE -- a cabaret show and dinner theatre. giona is the cleaner and the waitress, as soon as she was old enough to carry a tray of food and a mop&bucket. it helps when your child’s half-dead and somehow seems more energetic at night. 

this is where mim’s ego truly thrives bc even tho she’s lost her shapeshifting powers, its still like 7 nights a week, ppl going to HER place to watch HER perform (like they have a choice lmao)

probably gives herself awards

fast forward to 12 yrs old: mim is settling into isle life but still impatient for when she and the other villains can break out. she hears giona singing while washing the dishes from the night before. the girl can sing. and, yes she was losing patrons bc mim’s performances are just too abstract for ppl to like (clearly). so she forces giona to become the new act. makes her perform, sing, dance, every night. 

mim almost forgets that there’s a star in this girl’s heart. she almost forgets, until she sees those small moments when giona’s in the kitchen, when she thinks mim can’t see her; baking a small cupcake from whatever ingredients she could find, and though there’s no magic allowed on the isle ... there is still something unnaturally bright about that girl. and she hates her for it. 

this ‘goodness’ and ‘purity’ thing is very merlin-y and she HAAAAATES THAT

HATES SUNLIGHT, HATES BRIGHTNESS, HATE, HATE, HATE!!!

BLACK SORCERY IS IN !!! MERLIN IS OUT !!!!!

so she works giona to death (sort of). and tells her she’s ugly. and bullies her into low self-esteem. 

16 years old: mim is getting more restless about being trapped in the isle. she decides to take action again. she begins to teach giona the mim magic, which is hexes and jinxes and shapeshifting, and ofc, a hatred for merlin. 

but by this time, giona’s made up her own mind about her life. and she won’t let her mother live it. 

SUMMARY: giona was dead and brought back to life with star-essence that mim put inside her heart, so she will eat the heart when giona breaks her out of the isle and then she’ll use that star magic to destroy merlin and be considered the greatest sorceror once and for all mwahahahaha. also the star thing is a complete secret, mim hasn’t told ANYONE and giona has no clue about the glowy thing.

WHAT CLOSE FRIENDS OF GIONA WOULD KNOW:

she has no heartbeat, her body is sort of cold, doesn’t bleed, doesn’t need as much sleep

probably if they’re the kind of friends that like ... are genuinely good for each other lmao, they probably saw a bit of giona’s ‘glow’ when she’s truly happy

[ PERSONALITY ]

100 bad bitches can’t tell me nothin’

still a sort of mini-mim because giona also has a very short temper and is prone to just .... never letting things go lmao 

hates her mother: found out at a young age that actually, she’s not ugly, and she’s not stupid and she starts to drown out mim’s nagging and bullying

but still, in the middle of the night (bc for some reason she feels more active at night and cant sleep), she hears her mother’s voice in her head and cries herself to sleep

loves music & shows & plays & acting & performing:  but hates being forced by her mother to do everything. she hates being forced to sing by someone, she hates being told what to do

hate hate hate !!!!

loves to bake: little cupcakes and muffins and baked goods, and cookies ofc, and bread, she loves to make all kinds of bread and pastries. at least, that’s the dream. on the isle, she’d be lucky if she could find clean flour. so far, she’s only made cookies and tiny cupcakes.

these foods are only reserved for her friends, and they are all SWORN to secrecy that they will never tell her mother

loyal to a fault: once she feels she can trust you, she will never let u go. it’s ride or die. growing up with a mother hell-bent on hating her, she began to appreciate the few friends she made on the isle, and will do absolutely anything for them

still tho she’s like ..... she’s a bitch first and a friend later 

loud as hell and speaks her mind and would probably get a tattoo that says NO RAGRETS.

loves magic: CAN’T WAIT TO USE HER POWERS AND TURN INTO ??? A BIRD ???

doesn’t know anything about her heart: all she knows is that her mother tells her to keep herself safe, otherwise all that “business of trying to bring you back to life will be for nothing”. 

so yeah, she knows she was dead. but she just believes her mother used necromancy to bring her back, and it clearly didn’t work the whole way because she’s not fully alive

but you wouldn’t even know it unless you tried to find a heartbeat

[ how they feel about heroes/villains ]

giona only hates one thing for sure that is her mother lmao

merlin ???? will be fun to see but like otherwise doesnt give two shits, will probably praise him and send him a cupcake to thank him for defeating her mum

operates on a “if you mess with me, i will mess with you back” basis

doesn’t want to join any squads that plan to ‘ruin auradon’ because to her its just hakuna matata bro let it go why can’t you just be happy we’re actually here ?? lets fuckin run away !!!

[ CONNECTYONS ]

from the isle:

VKs who regularly came to MIM’S MUSICALE and saw her perform! she will hate the reminder ty 

MIM probably also hired a few weekly performers, ppl who performed once a night so if ur muse was a performer on the isle pls hmu !!!! 

VK friends that giona met and has them try her tiny baked goods 

they must love the cupcakes and cookies OR ELSE >:(

now in auradon:

those who know magic, who would investigate/recognise why she glows when she’s ‘truly happy’ and tell her that she’s a STAR and that her mother is probably planning to EAT HER

DEAD PEOPLE TO BOND WITH OVER BEING DEAD 

women/nb to squad up with and go shopping with and basically pls give her a girl squad she will fight anyone for you and you can do each other’s nails and just MAKE HER TRULY HAPPY W REAL FRIENDS AAHHH

someone to show her the kitchens :0 and take her grocery shopping :0

MAGIC PPL TO TEST-DRIVE MAGIC WITH. i’m talking fun duels, and pranking people pls.

musicals ?? to join ??? where she can finally play the roles she wants to play, and sing the songs she wants to sing ??? amazin

[ MAD MIM MAGIC ]

shapeshifts into any animal !

shapeshifts their size ! can be teeny-tiny or gigantic

shapeshifts their features to look a little different ??? like can look hideous, or more beautiful, or taller, or with bigger ears -- but can’t change into a whole other person

potions and hexes and jinxes take more concentration, but she can do it

[ NOTES / STAR THINGS ]

oKAY SO !!!!

the star part is greatly inspired by Stardust, the movie, especially the part about her glowing when she’s truly happy

mim is essentially growing her child to one day be able to eat her heart, gain the infinite powers, and defeat merlin

but since giona is the star (over the years, the star became a part of her heart), rather than someone who consumed it, the magic works differently for her. so she glows, and she heals easily, and she is awake more at night. with giona, the star ecomes a way of being rather than a power-source.

if her heart were to be taken out, she would go back to being dead, with no hope of a second life as an undead or zombie, because the star is the only life giona actually has. once it is gone, she is nothing.

giona can still do all of madam mim’s typical magic ! shapeshifting is the big one, and her thing is pink-green coloured animals. 

[mrsimoshen]

I’m Your Private Dancer

Title: I’m Your Private Dancer

Link: I'm Your Private Dancer on AO3

Square filled: Human Cas

Ship: Castiel/Michael

Rating: Mature

Tags: Human AU, human!Cas, human!michael, Prostitution/male escort Cas, Client Michael, Lingerie, Anal Plug, implied cross-dressing, Anal Sex

Summary: Male escort Castiel meets a client. 

Word count: 2738

created for @spnkinkbingo

tagging: @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell​, @silvaxus, @blakechaos08, @princerusso, @masterpieceofturkeycleverness   @ajcza​, @buggre-alle-thisss-ineffability​, @brieflymaximumprincess​, @captain-winchester-27​

Fic below the cut:

All the men come in these places And the men are all the same You don't look at their faces And you don't ask their names You don't think of them as human You don't think of them at all You keep your mind on the money Keeping your eyes on the wall

  Castiel Novak snorts as Tina’s voice croons on. He’s always thought the dancer in that song was a metaphor for something else, but it’s a bit of an irony that this song would come up on the radio just as he’s getting ready for an appointment.

Unlike the narrator of the song, however, Castiel doesn’t keep his clients at arm’s length. He knows the name of each, knows their faces, their voices, just as he knows the preferences of every man he regularly meets. Of course, it’s about the money – Castiel would be lying if he claimed otherwise, and he’s many things, but not a liar – but if he didn’t enjoy what he does, he would have chosen a different career path a long time ago.

Today, he’s wearing silky thigh-highs and a garter belt along with a pair of low-cut panties and a slinky camisole, all in darkest black with green lace accents. His client likes it when he can easily slide into him, so Cas took care in opening himself up earlier, and now he can feel the familiar weight of the glass plug in his hole. He’s half-hard from all that, and will probably remain so all throughout the evening, but his client enjoys that, too.

Cas hums along to the refrain as he carefully applies just a bit of make-up. It’s very subtle, almost unnoticeable to anyone who doesn’t know the trick, but it makes his eyes appear larger, their blue more intense. It’s not really necessary for the client he’s meeting, but it’s a habit, and he likes the effect.

Make-up done, Castiel gets up – shivering a bit as the weight of the plug inside him makes itself known again and silk brushes against his skin – and walks to his cupboard to select this evening’s wardrobe.

He has a wide range of choice, there – the jeans and shirts he prefers for when he doesn’t work, tailored suits and leather pants and jackets, fine loafers and heavy biker boots, even a few dresses for one particular client he’s since stopped seeing. Throwing the dresses out seemed wasteful, however, so Castiel carefully stored them in their bags and let them live in his cupboard.

Today, he picks out a suit he knows is a favorite of his client. “It brings out your eyes,” he’s always told, and since it’s surprisingly comfortable (which really should be expected, it was made-to-measure and cost a pretty penny, it should be comfortable), Castiel enjoys wearing it, too.

Suit put on and shoes set to the side, Cas stretches out on his couch and lets himself day-dream about how the evening might progress.

His clients all treat him well, mutual respect the most important aspect of the whole deal – if Cas feels disrespected as a human being once because of the service he provides, people find themselves permanently removed from his client list fast. And Castiel also has the connections to ruin a person’s life in interesting ways.

The man he’s meeting today has a taste for European food, the authentic version and not the Americanized deal, but it’s anyone’s guess what nation’s cuisine he’ll be treated to tonight. What they’ll do after that… well, Castiel is horny, so he hopes he’ll be taken to his client’s home after and get fucked a few times, but it’s equally likely his lover for the night will take him to some art show or concert or even the movies after dinner. It’s all happened before. (Castiel’s favorite memory is the time this particular man fucked him, slow and intimate, in a VIP box at the opera where, in theory, anyone who looked into the shadows of their box could have seen them. He spent almost the whole opera on his lover’s cock, and that night was spectacular, once they were in the privacy of his client’s home.)

But he knows the man’s tastes in that area, too, and there’s no opera shown tonight that might catch his fancy. He’s not quite as up-to-date on the movies, and there’s always an art gallery somewhere who’s having a show.

Cas smiles as his phone gives a quiet chirp to alert him to an incoming text message. None of his clients know his actual address, they just know the address of the private, guarded parking lot where he habitually leaves his car. He needs ten minutes from his apartment to that parking lot, and he’s told his clients to inform him when they’ve arrived. Those ten minutes waiting sometimes yield... interesting results.

I’m here, darling.

Castiel slips his shoes on and grabs his keys, phone, wallet, and coat. It’s cold outside, it’s only February, so he adds his favorite scarf to the ensemble and leaves his apartment.

 His client’s car is idling in its spot when Castiel opens the door and slides into the passenger seat, and he’s very glad about the warmth enveloping him.

“Hello, Michael.”

“Hello, Castiel,” his client returns with a warm smile and leans over the stick shift and hand brake to greet him with a soft brush of lips on lips. Castiel smiles and angles his head into the soft kiss. Michael is one of the affectionate clients, and Castiel likes the gentle touches an evening with Michael always includes. It feels a little as if they’re truly a couple out on a date night.

Michael waits until Castiel has put on his seat belt before pulling out into the traffic. He’s one of those drivers in whose car Castiel thinks he could actually fall asleep if the distance was long enough. He’s not usually one for sleeping in anyone’s car, an accident that cost him a childhood friend having left a deep impression, but Michael is calm and controlled in everything he does (unless he’s fucking Castiel in the privacy of his own bed. Then, there’s only wild passion in him.) and he always weaves through traffic so smoothly Castiel never felt anything but safe in his car.

“Where are we going?”

“Wait and see, darling,” Michael chuckles and makes a turn. “I do hope you enjoy tapas.”

Cas does, especially if they’re served in a small restaurant that looks as if it was imported from Spain, beams, stones and furniture. There are large pieces of jamón serrano hanging from the ceiling, the Spanish music in the background is just low enough to not interrupt a conversation but lend a certain ambience to the whole restaurant, and the food is perfect. Castiel enjoys every bite he’s served, enjoys the sour wine that he’d usually never pick (he has a sweet tooth when it comes to wine) but that fits perfectly with the dishes they’re served.

Michael, who sticks to sparkling water, takes a single sip on Castiel’s insistence and agrees with him with a smile, licking his lips. “It does compliment the food very well,” he hums. Castiel shivers a little at the tone of voice.

Michael surprises him by driving to his own apartment after dinner. When he notices Cas’ questioning look, he grins.

“I thought we could watch a movie at my place,” he murmurs, using an upcoming red light to stroke a hand up Castiel’s leg slowly. “I can’t wait to see what you’ve got beneath that suit for me today, darling.”

Castiel shivers a little and lets his legs fall a little wider with a smile.

“Would you like to guess?” he invites, and Michael laughs and pulls his hand back as the light changes to green.

“Let me fantasize a moment longer.”

 Michael’s apartment is in one of the more expensive parts of town, and Castiel has enough information about his lover of the night to know that Michael works for a high-end law firm and comes from a rich family background. Castiel himself is rather expensive, and he knows from experience Michael has a taste for the finer things in life. Which is probably a compliment in itself.

“Get comfortable,” Michael invites him with a smile, taking Castiel’s coat to hang it up neatly. “Would you like a drink, or coffee?”

“Coffee, please,” Castiel requests with a smile. He wanders further into the apartment as Michael goes to convince his high-end coffee machine to produce the dark liquid and decides to be just a bit of a tease. He leaves his shoes neatly by the living room doorway, then drops his tie on the way to the couch. By the time he’s stretched out on the ridiculously comfortable piece of furniture, his shirt is unbuttoned just enough so that a teasing hint of green lace is visible against his skin.

Michael doesn’t notice at first, concentrating on the coffee cups in his hands, but when he sits down and hands Castiel his coffee, his eyes widen.

“Oh, you little tease,” he breathes with a grin. Castiel laughs and sips his coffee.

“Now, I would be a tease if I didn’t plan to deliver,” he corrects calmly. “I very much intend to deliver, dear Michael.”

“I very much appreciate that,” Michael sinks down onto the couch himself, close enough to Castiel he can feel the other man’s body warmth. “Any preference on the movie?”

Castiel glances over Michael’s pre-selection and decides on one he’s already seen but could stand to watch a second time. He’s guessing they won’t see the end of the movie, not if he starts seducing Michael as soon as they have emptied their coffee mugs. Michael always lets Castiel make the first move, always lets Castiel decide how far they go, and Castiel appreciates it. (Once, he’d told Michael to ravish him, make him forget everything around them. He’s definitely going to do that again someday, because that night ranks top amongst those he’ll never forget.)

For now, he’s content to lean against Michael’s side and sip his coffee as they watch the beginning of the movie. It’s really good coffee, and Michael knows by now how Castiel prefers his, and so it’s not to be rushed but savored.

Half an hour into the movie, Castiel finally sets his empty mug down on the coffee table next to Michael’s and stretches before turning to Michael. He softly brushes his mouth over Michael’s, flicks his tongue out just a little bit, and Michael sighs and cups his face, pulls him into a deeper kiss.

They take their time, kisses turning deeper and hungrier slowly. Castiel ends up straddling Michael’s legs, almost in his lap as they kiss. Michael groans when Castiel leans back to further unbutton his shirt, revealing more of the black silk and green lace beneath.

“Touch me,” he invites in a rough whisper, and Michael’s hands almost fly to his sides, stroke up over black silk reverently.

“Get rid of the shirt,” Michael murmurs, his eyes on the way his hands look on the silk. Castiel laughs and complies, and then gasps when gentle fingers rub and tease at one of his nipples through the material. Michael alternates between stroking soft silk and rougher lace over the sensitive nub until Castiel is biting his lower lip and breathing noticeably faster.

“I want to see you,” Michael murmurs, finally showing mercy on the nipple he was playing with. Permission to touch given, he’s slipping back into the dominant role he usually prefers when they meet. Castiel smiles and slides off his lap, taking a few steps back to let Michael see all of him. He takes his time undoing his belt, the button on his pants and the zipper, and when he finally lets the garment fall, Michael moans and presses a hand against his own crotch.

“Like what you see?” Castiel purrs, slowly walking back towards his lover for the night. “I chose the green just for you.”

“Oh, I very much like what I see,” Michael breathes, looking Castiel up and down slowly. “Damn, you’re pretty, darling.”

“Why, thank you, Michael,” Castiel purrs, slowly climbing back up onto the couch and into Michael’s lap. Michael shivers and strokes up his thighs. He makes a low sound when he notices Castiel wears the panties over the garter belt – meaning he can take them off and leave belt and stockings in place.

“Very nice,” he murmurs, stroking up underneath the camisole. “You’re spoiling me, Castiel.”

Castiel laughs quietly and raises his arms to let Michael strip the camisole from him. He moans as Michael leans forward to lick and suck at the nipple he’d neglected before, buries his hands in Michael’s dark hair. “Oh…”

“Always so sensitive for me,” Michael hums and blows cool air over wet skin. Castiel shivers and watches Michael’s eyes darken further. “Bedroom.”

They end up leaving a trail of Michael’s clothes from the couch to the bed, and Castiel ends up on his back on the sheets, Michael on his hands and knees above him. His lover looks him up and down hungrily before kissing him again, harder and deeper this time until Castiel is out of breath and clinging to the soft cotton.

Michael peels him out of the panties with teasing touches, then spends a few minutes licking at Castiel’s hard cock before reaching to the bedside table for the lube. Cas pulls his knees up and bares himself, clenches down on the glass plug inside him with a low moan and his eyes on the impressive erection between Michael’s legs. Michael groans at seeing the glass between his cheeks.

“How open are you, darling?”

“Enough you can slide right in,” Cas promises huskily and then moans when Michael lightly tugs on the plug, pulling it out a little before letting it slide back in. He keeps doing it until Cas is moaning and begging for him to please, please fuck him, and Cas nearly sobs in relief when the plug gets pulled free finally and he hears the distinct sound of a condom wrapper being opened.

Michael’s cock pushing into him has him whine in need, because no matter how nice a glass plug is, it will never come close to an actual cock in Castiel’s opinion, and Michael is big enough to stretch him a little even after wearing the plug for hours.

His lover of the night is also a man of infinite patience, so the first slide in is slow and gentle, until Michael is as deep as he can get and Castiel is panting and moaning, feeling so damn full. “Please, move,” he gasps out, and Michael chuckles and complies, guiding Cas’ legs up around his hips before starting to roll his hips, slow and gentle and just enough to drive Cas slowly but surely mad.

He’s begging in a constant, breathless stream of words by the time Michael takes pity on him and starts moving faster and harder, and Castiel nearly screams when a hand wraps around his cock and starts stroking him in time with the thrusts into him.

Michael’s cock rubs insistently over his prostate, and Cas lasts only a handful of thrusts more before arching his back and shouting, covering Michael’s hand and his own belly with his release. Michael groans deep and low as Castiel’s hole clenches down on him hard but keeps fucking Castiel until he sinks back into the mattress. Only then does his lover let go himself, coming with a few more hard thrusts into Castiel’s twitching hole.

Cas pants and watches as Michael does the same. In a moment, his green-eyed lover of the night will pull out and get rid of the condom, and there’ll be sparkly water fresh from the fridge for him and a warm, wet washcloth to clean up with. Michael will curl up around him for a while and they’ll talk about whatever comes to mind, and maybe, they’ll have sex again if the mood strikes them.

In the morning, there will be a white envelope with the sum Michael owes him in cash, and Castiel will return to his own apartment and shower, and in a few days, he’ll get ready for the next appointment.

 Yes, Cas is a private dancer, but he likes dancing to his own tune.

[queendeanofpie]

Calling out ~ Einna (MyStreet)

AGAHSHBDBEEJDB my babyyyysssss

Little one shot of my oc and her hubby (well hopefully future hubby, and hubby in every other universe in the world.

I love these two so much, idk wat it is, but Even though Ein sucks, he just . . . He becomes good around her. It's so weird.

But anyways I love them, and I couldn't resist this Cus they so sweet! And it's angsty which I love with these two also.

Micheal plays a big part in their stories, and how everything went down with her past ;3

Enjoy!

~~~~

He tossed and turned, drowning in the mass of his blankets. Something was whispering around him, and he flinched every minute or so shuddering. Sweat collected as he got hotter, the whispering and murmuring growing, until he could just barely make out the words. it got fuzzier and louder and then suddenly stopped as he finally woke, staying still, as he breathed heavily eyes wide.

Ein

He jumped up throwing off the covers, a thud echoing from how hard his feet hit the ground. He quickly threw on a navy T-shirt, rapidly looking around to see if there was something different, before a tugging sensation in his gut told him to go out into the hall. He halted spinning around in the foyer, unsure where to go from there.

Ein . . .

He charged out the door onto the beach, the door swinging and slamming into the house with a loud bang, staying wide open as he ran for the voice looking everywhere he could finally stopping on the beaches edge, where it met with water.

I'm here Ein

He spun met with a sight that stole his air away, gazing at her. It was her, the voice, he reached for taking in the sight of her in the pale lilac shimmering dress, and her curls eloquently halfway put up, some still curling down her back.

He took her hands in his smiling slowly reaching up as their lips connected sending a surge of emotion into him, he never thought he'd feel from anyone ever again.

Love.

~~~~

Ein slowly woke up finding his blanket wound around his waist. He sighed sitting up shaking his head. There was a shuffle and someone knocked on his door.

Alpha?"

"what is it?" He mumbled running a hand through his hair closing his eyes.

"it's Daniel he wanted to talk to you . . . . .alone" Dottie's voice hesitated on the last part and Ein raised an eyebrow.

"Let him in . . . . ." He nodded and there was a click as Daniel shuffled in keeping his gaze away from him.

"I still hate you" He muttered looking up to glare at him with a fire in his eyes that Ein recognized

"Good to know" he laughed smirking and standing up "What did you want little runt"

"Don't call me that!" Daniel blurted, halfway growling at him Don't ever call me that please . . . anything else is fine He mumbled looking away wincing

"Alright you little brat, then what did you want." Eins voice got darker as he glared at Daniel for growling at him like that.

"I . . . I wanted help" he muttered gritting his teeth looking down "You already enslaved my friends . . . . But maybe you can at least figure out out to help jenny."

Ein stared at him raising an eyebrow "Who is this Jenny?" He crossed his arms thinking as he stared at him

"I thought you would have known, since her picture is all over the island" Daniel huffed "Jenna, she's sick . . . We didn't really know with what, but she hasn't woken up for a day, and one of our friends said she's been out for almost 5 days now"

"Daniel, is this a trick?" Ein growled slamming his hand down his end table "I don't know any Jenna, I have seen the pictures however, blond werewolf right?"

"Yes you do!" Daniel blurted snarling wolflike at him this time, the resent shining in his eyes "You ruined her life, she went to prom with you and then you broke her heart and her parents died!"

"No I didn't Daniel, I never went to prom in high-school, now where is she?" Ein growled in frustration, his words stirring something in the back of his mind.

"Fine! One more thing for you to lie about" Daniel snarled in his face before backing down sighing "She's in the other room . . . . The one you haven't checked"

Ein nodded glaring at him, as he followed him out the door, waving off the few who tried to follow them. Daniel opened the door revealing a small storage room with a cot against the far side of the wall.

Ein paused seeing the girl laying there, flashes of his dream coming back to him. "Daniel get out"

"No, I'm not leaving her to the hands of you, she's like my sister, Im not letting you hurt anyone else" Daniel growled stubbornly

"Fine but at least pretend not to be here then" Ein huffed ignoring him as he moved closer putting a hand on her arm checking her pulse

Ein almost flinched from the moment he first touched her, something like little static shocks going up his fingers. He eventually ignored it crouching to face her better staring at her in confusion, something beginning to stir in his mind

"What is her name?" His voice came out much softer than he liked but he didn't move as Daniel grumbled behind him.

"Jennabeth argentum"

" . . .Jenna. . . ." He sat thinking before, a green light shone in his eyes flashing before it disappeared. He stayed still shocked before suddenly it all came back. The prom night, fighting to see her in the hospital, thinking it was his fault. Even the lodge, wanting her by his side, keeping her in his control, something in her making him want to keep her close.

"Jenna?" He stared at her softly, remembering the dream clearer now. He had forgotten everything about her, it was as if he never met her.

Stop that . . .you don't deserve to say it like that" Daniel said his voice growing emotional suddenly as he tried to keep up a brave appearance, tears instead shining in his eyes.

"Leave . . . I swear I won't hurt her or do Anything Daniel" He sighed "I swear on my life that I wont . ." He added seeing his hesitation

"I shouldn't believe you . . . But I'll wait outside the door" Daniel growled before sighing heading out the door, discreetly wiping away the tears in his eyes.

Ein watched him leave before he turned back to Jenna taking her hand in his "How did I forget you . . . . It seems impossible" Ein looked down before his eyes caught sight of an empty potion bottle. memories of laying in the snow hitting him "Unless . . . . ."

"All you have to do, is drink these two little potions . . .They'll help you"

He growled shaking his head as he looked down slowly rubbing his thumb over their entwined hands thinking. Something flashed in the light and he frowned lifting her wrist, stunned to find a single silver pawprint imprinted on her skin.

"She's a white wolf . . . . ." He breathed "She . . . . She . . shes been chosen? and out of all the times now?" he looked down at her in shock, suddenly taking in the steady rise and fall of her chest, noticing that it was getting faster

Jenna slowly opened her eyes, Ein going still as he stared at her with a wide look. She blinked her eyes adjusting to the light before she looked over sitting up when she caught his eyes. Ein immediately let go of her hand backing up gulping.

"You . . W-Where am I! Where is Garroth, and the others!" She growled sitting against the wall on the cot as he shook his head.

"How . . . how the hell are you even here!" He growled turning defensive, starting to doubt everything that had happened, or that she was real. "This cant be . . . .I . . .I didn't remember you, you cant be the White Wolf"

"Well I am, and you should have remembered what you did to me you bastard!" She snarled

Ein, not having time to register what happened, was suddenly pushed against the wall and bright golden light was in front of him filling his eyesight. He went limp against his hold on the wall staring, almost mesmerized, as the golden light stared back blinking. The whispering suddenly came back full force, along with a high-pitched ringing that broke him out of his haze making him grit his teeth.

It slowly got louder and his ears began to hurt, a deep pain that ached and rang through his head. His hands covered his ears as he doubled almost holding his head groaning against the pain squeezing his eyes shut. The hold let go and he fell forward onto his knees bending over trying to block the sound causing him so much agony.

"Ei . ."

"E . . wha, . . . on . . .is happe . . ou?"

"Ein . . . can . . . me?"

A voice hovered on the edge of his hearing, a soothing sound compared to the agonizing screech echoing in his ears at the moment. He shook his head rapidly as he finally let out a whimper, and hands were pressed against his forehead.

He dropped his hands going limp as his forehead was pushed up a cold soothing sensation filling his head, getting rid of the agonizing ringing pain that had been there only a few moments ago. He fell forward once the hand disappeared, someones soft skin pressing against his as he was lifted into their arms, a small fever beginning to settle across his skin.

Images began to flash and Ein watched, as slowly, memories played over and over. Prom night, and then leaving, getting in a car. Tears and an aching pain in his heart. Then it was fire, and hot metal digging into his arm, twisting it desperately even with the pain. Then darkness, before light flooded his vision. It all started spinning, him at the lodge, her pale violet eyes tainted green, the strange feeling of hurt when it was gone and she fought him.

"Ein!" He was jumped awake suddenly aware that he was cold pressing against the warmth holding him, as he started shaking

"What . . what hap'nd" His words slurred as he felt a dizzy spell.

"Ein what are you doing?" Her voice drifted to him and he suddenly realized something. The memories, prom and the crash . . . those weren't his. He shook his head as fear took over, unsure what was going on as he shook his head choking on his words

"What . . what is happening to me?" his voice was small, and cracked with fear as he shook more "Why didn't I remember you, I never wanted to forget you"

"Real nice to know" She muttered "What do you mean you didn't remember me?"

"Didn't remember . . . . j-just . . . everything came back . . .prom night, there was a crash, I never wanted that" He choked out tears starting to fill his eyes "What happened to me . . . ."

"Ein . . ." He felt her stiffen "What . . . . what are you saying?"

He swallowed closing his eyes trying to think "There . . I was . . I got in a car . . .and I was crying, my heart hurt so much . . . and it was dark, then it turned to fire and everything was flipped . . .a-and then I was twisting my arm, the metal was so hot, it hurt so bad" He whispered slowly trying to recount the details.

"E-Ein . . .that . . . that was me" Jenna's shocked voice rang out and he nodded slowly

"I-I never wanted that . . .I tried, seeing you . . . wouldn't let me . . .snuck in when they weren't there . ." He breathed ". . . the lodge . . . you . . . you made me . . .made me . . . I needed you. . . it hurt, when you changed . . . fought me" He shook his head trying to clear the bout of dizziness that hit him

"I wanted . . .wanted you there, with me, didn't want you hurt"

"You . . . . did hurt me . . you turned me against my best friend . . .all my friends" She said bitterly

"I didnt want it . . . .I never wanted it, I wanted to get back . . . . I was given orders .. . . couldn't . . .couldn't follow though . . . did things my own way, never meant to hurt . . ."

"Orders? . . . you . . . you mean Micheal dont you?" Jenna said shocked

"Wanted to kill you . . . .didn't want it . . . .still wants it . . . I didn't remember . . ."

"How come you couldn't remember?" She asked softly

". . .potion . . . he . . he used a potion?" Ein became confused as the words from earlier came drifting back for the second time

"All you have to do, is drink these two little potions . . .They'll help you"

"Why . . .why would he want me to forget you . . . . you never hurt me. ." He whispered shaking his head ". . . .what have I done . . . . what happened to me, why do I care . . .caring just hurts me in the end"

". . . .because a white wolf can sense a heart in you" was her reply as she sighed pulling away from holding him keeping him upright, and putting her hands on his shoulders ". . Ein . . . . Lutimas give second chances . . . . why do you think caring hurts you in the end?"

"Cared . . . .cared too much about my friends in the pack . . . and they called me soft . . . parents abandoned, killed . . . . . . Everyone resented me for being an orphan, caring always hurt me . . . Michael gave me a way not to care" He mumbled looking down.

"That doesent make sense . . . . if Aphmau . . . if I had never cared . . .why would we have become friends with you in highschool . . . . why would I have gone to prom with you?" She asked swallowing the lump in her throat trying to sort all the information he had given her

". . . . she . . she pitied me he said . . . you . . . why . . . .why you?" He became more confused staring up at her as he tried to think.

". . .Ein . . . I actually cared . . .I-I liked you, there was no reason I would have had otherwise . . ." She said her eyes watering at the memories

"You . . . . you cared?" He echoed her eyes going wide, as he thought back to the dreams, the pale lilac dress shimmering, and her warm violets, and the way her curls cascaded over her back and shoulders in a way that stole his breath. To the way her eyes had shined just before the final dance, when he held out his hand to her, and her smile, the one that made his heart swell.

Ein finally found something that made sense, with all the craziness that had just happened to him. He stayed silent relaxing as it kept echoing in his head, making his heart speed up in his chest.

She cared . . . .she cared about me.

Impulse took over, and before she could react he grabbed her face with his hands leaning forward as he smashed his lips with hers, sparks crawling up his skin as his mind cleared all of his thoughts disappearing, as the only thing he became aware of was her.

This made sense.

~~~~~~

[chimcharstar]

ANSWER 1 THROUGH 65 HO

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

WPOOOOO LETS GO 

Y E E T

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

nnnnooooooo. its called holding onto my last marble.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

1. sometimes i can freak myself out going to the bathroom at night but bro. i take walks at like 11pm or whenever the hell i please. and i LIKE IT.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

i would not care to meet dick face

4. What is your favorite word?

worm

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

well darn i dont really knowwww!!!!!!! the big jungle one from minecraft. but i love weeping willows of course.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i didnt think

7. What shirt are you wearing?

my pyjama shirt from new vegas. las vegas. oh my god. not that i went there. my friend did. ive been wearing it for 3 days now. because its fine.

8. What do you label yourself as?

androgynouOOUUSSSSSSS i heard it described the most accurately for me as “in between blue and pink, purple is a blend while not being either of them.” yes this SPECIFICALLY. i could never be feminine while female presenting, but now that im usually read as masculine i go around seeming gay as fuck. and even though this sounds like heresy considering how i instinctively want to throat punch people who feminize me, i have comfortably considered myself a woman lately ONLYYYYYYYY BY being as butch as a butch can possibly butch. maybe without the cars. i would NEVER go by she/her NEVER NEVER NEVER. like there literally are butch women who go on T and use he/him pronouns. that brings me euphoria too and i find people reallllyyyyyy get mind-bent at this point. i really also get irritated at the idea that identifying with both lessens one or the other... thats why i like the purple thing so much. like im 100% of the thing. i was watching on queer eye, once, there was this part where all these women met up and one of them who was really masculine was saying how “a woman can look like this too” and i was like “i am probably crying for an important reason right now” and sometimes i feel attraction to women that is nOT of the ManTM just... i can do what i want. 

but my point is it’s like im only happy if i have a blend. theres even a particular quality of it i can put my finger on, like a rugged, handsome feel... and then a flamboyant, passionate feel... mix em all up... 

9. Bright room or dark room?

BRIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT 

GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

transition juice, or fucking around with cs paint with some gentle existential dread

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

this one, because my life is not hell, and i know a few basics about adulting now

12. Who told you they loved you last?

the sister. i said it for damage control because she had blown a fuse the other day. i was being very fake on purpose because i’m not being vulnerable with someone who will blow up. when she says it all i feel is pain. like cold paralyzing needles in my soul. i cant say i love you to her and mean it, even if i want to. honestly i wish people would say this to me. the most i love yous i remember are from family members putting band aids on the wreckage of our relationships, so i can feel a little twang of guilt and longing for what could have been and should have been. and feel like i should be doing something more. and feeling awkward because you both know they fucked up and it’s the elephant in the room. and i can feel their confusion and sickness causing them pain, feeling that pain for them. 

13. Your worst enemy?

hmmm. anyone who made me feel like less than i am. anyone 

14. What is your current desktop picture?

cherry blossoms and a city at night that i stole off the internet

15. Do you like someone?

like like crushes right? i fucking wish. i am so god damn sick of myself. i dont feel fuck or shit for anyone. its a fucking wasteland. yes im on T so i want to fuck anything that moves. and yet? can i please have some feelings? please may i have some feelings? not aesthetic appreciation. not moral, personality appreciation. or even just a deep respect and compassion. these are all fine things of course. but cant someone just drive me crazy? cant i have that extra spice of life? cant i just have a little bit of happy crazy? i will know a perfectly lovely person and ill WANT to have feelings for them. but i FUCKEN DONT. I DONT!!!! SHIT!!!!! WHAT IS THE MEANIGN?!?!??!??!?!1 i have fucking YET to meet anyone im more obsessed with than some really gay ocs. come on universe!!!! bring it!!! poor oscar. poor fucking oscar. whatever wavelength im vibing on man you are not on it. i wish you were on it. i wish you were on it oscar. you are hot you are hot with your bike oscar. and the rose quartz i gave you. the rose quartz you wanted. but i feel no authentic electric connection to you. i feel like all i just see is how your brain works with a coolheaded certainty. all i do is analyze what you are wearing so i can be as hot as you. maybe id like to draw you. and girls from work. you are so beautiful and amazing. i see you in bikinis on instagram. and im like oh beauty standards. look at you go, adhering to them. my heart rate goes right along at the same old pace. dont tell me this is principles. does someone have to smell bad? like edward cullen?? CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST SEDUCE ME?!!!?? ID LOVE SOME EXTRA WILL TO LIVE! THEN MY STORIES WILL BE BETTER!!!! see this is the whole problem

16. The last song you listened to?

what am i to you by finn the human or actually that asgore fight song that i do not know the context of and dont want to until i play the game for myself

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

i would save this button for a karen.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

jk rowling. every time i see her face in a news article about why her bland new transphobia anvil book is pretty bland without addressing the raging transphobia in it and around it, i take a minute and contemplate shoving a pie in her face, and agonizing that i cannot do it from this distance.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

a... slave? is this a kink thing? im fucking laughing this is going to be so honest. probably a toxic person from my past i have unresolved sexual tension with, especially since i was in my abused kid shell and was a huge doormat so now im all vengeful with issues. since this is totally something i am open to considering right now i would like to browse this concept’s menu

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

yknow what? yknow what? i am just going to say all of me. i am feeling very body positive right now. i often feel isolated as fuck because of trans stuff and male body standards, but thats Also What Makes Me Special :) i like me, i like my face, i think i am very cool and unique, and i can walk fast.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

GOD DAMN IT THIS FUCKING QUESTION AGAIN

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

yes. but it’s a secret.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

deep sea creatures. idk. even if its small and not even ugly. i just lose my fucking mind. i jump out of my chair. i get the heebies and the jeebies.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

okay. chicken. cheese. something spicy so it wont be boring. a fuck ton of veggies so i can be healthy. and some olives, fuck olive haters.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

IM GOING TO GIVE IT TO MY LANDLORD <3

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

mexico city to see what all my friends are talking about.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

............................................................................

w    h       y

okay. i would go around tasting a bunch of fucking. really fancy old wines. listen i dont really drink okay. but with a very fancy old wine i can go around with a like, glass and look really sophisticated and tell gay things to gay people. hello boys. so id find one that strategically i would like the most for the rest of my life and choose it. and if its expensive i can sell it.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i would stick a bell in the middle of it and all of us have to go there at six o’clock and throw bread at each other and fuck.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

cunt. i dont really use it ever, but boy it can pack a punch! 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

that means my trees because theyre living things? good. my phone. i need it to function. everything else i have on the clouds and i can just write on a napkin if i really need.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

:( 

i wanna say nothing because the good and the bad made me who i am and all that. and they’re learning experiences and healthy stuff. but some of my sisters abuse that has destroyed my psyche, literally just ruined my life, it would make things easier if that hadnt happened.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

WHAT I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS LIFE STOP TELL ME HOW I GET THERE

Okay i’m moving to... greece and i’m going to study ancient greek everything and live right on the edge of the sea where the water’s lapping the doorsteps. and im gonna learn greek by immersion

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

i am not surprised whatsoever death is a cool entity.

probably someone who died really sadly and too soon in my life (no one close to me thank god) but just as a service to society

34. What was your last dream about?

wolves with bombs were chasing me around a giant university. it was all part of the game. i was trying to protect some people... soldiers were chasing me... i was hiding under the floor... hiding from authorities and war are VERY common dreams for me

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Writer? Yes. am i saying that to sound full of myself? no. i am fighting very hard to maintain some self-confidence. i have done some writing recently and i am proud as fuck of myself. i caught myself thinking, “now that was banging, i know that was banging.” and so i just admitted it to myself.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

nooooot reeeaaaalllyyyyyy. i went in an ambulance for my face swelling up! still dont know if i needed to. still think i was allergic to the person i was talking to at the time. seriously when i stopped talking to them the hives went away. they literally gave me hives sdjfnskjndsjknfkjsfnjskdnfdsjknfjknf

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

they have inuyashas on them

39. What type of music do you like?

dark, longing, aching, angry, raw, disappointed, serious, low songs that get intense as fuck.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises for the concept, sunsets for the looks

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

you know what? i dont really like milkshakes. they dont feel good in my tummy even if it’s not my stomach having a fucking meltdown.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

the fuck is football

43. Do you have any scars?

yes, most of them are from dermatillomania, two big cool-looking ones on my hands from touching a cookie sheet without an oven mitt and pouring microwaved coffee all over my thumb because literally every inch of the counter had a foot of dishes on it and i didn’t simply heat up the water normally because everything was dirty

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

i want to be a psychologist and an author

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

id like a dong please

46. Are you reliable?

yeeeeeesssssss...... but the adhd wins sometimes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

future self: even if you’re in a worse off place than where i am right now, don’t regret anything, don’t beat yourself up. sometimes it’s realistic to have hope. you don’t have to be hard on yourself all the time just because it’s familiar and natural to you. so stop thinking “if i see a note from my past self ill be filled with rueful self awareness”

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes. i feel like im saving my soul a little and taking some power back when i am able to say “that hurt, that was wrong, and you don’t get access to me anymore, i don’t have to forgive you” it’s admitting that my own pain is real so i can listen to and protect myself. i wish i was more of a forgiving person but i spent too much time trying to forgive unorganically for the sake of being moral that i just can’t, can’t can’t now. it hurts so existentially and i deserve better. time for me to be mean and hold grudges. a little mean is okay.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a DOG  CAT????????

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

“doesn’t having a human-shaped robot with smoke coming out of it in the corner of your shop scare you late at night?”

“yes, sometimes i see it and jump a little”

51. Are you a good liar?

yes, when i’m dedicated. getting my birth certificate back? oscar worthy

52. How long could you go without talking?

i live like this lmao

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

once upon a time i had bangs. and a bob cut

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

yes bitch

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

yes bitch i can do a convincing british accent but i don’t want to broadcast that fact because being british is cringe and plus my name is gordon and im already trans and interested in cooking and my greatest fear is that people think i am trying to become him when i am deeply offended when people assume i make personal decisions for anyone other than myself. no one has ever actually voiced this theory to me but it haunts me late at night. i can honestly probably do any accent if i listen to it for a little bit. i find it very easy to imitate sounds and like individual speaking styles to the point of stealing them even when i dont want to. like actually this is something that just comes to me easily i think.

56. What do you like on your toast?

fuck toast. i make a grill cheese. cheese and garlic.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

i tried digitally painting a generic girl who ended up looking really simliar to someone i went to school with only i made the eyes way too small and i would show you except it’s too much work

58. What would be you dream car?

vw bug with giant monster wheels, black with flames, big booming stereo. eyelashes in a drag way. ill run pickup trucks off the road

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

i sang in the shower back when i felt free to annoy everyone in the house. oH WAIT IT DOESNT ANNOY PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND TO ME

...........

they taught me i was annoying. ANYWAY. i am too shy to sing in the shower but id love to. i dont really do anything unusual except that i take really long in there but yknow im not actually doing what people think im doing when i take long. im literally just sitting there decomposing, head empty.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yes, of course, i have been telling everyone theres water under mars since day one and now look. now look

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

yes. im a sagittarius and clearly it is needed because CLEARLY theres no other fucking sagittariuses

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

G, because my name starts with that and i’m just great. really, i like... it has a chonk to it. like a reliable chonk to it

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

YKNOW WHAT? im going with dragons because of the fantasy, fire breathing and so on but yknow for my wip i was going to have both dragons and dinosaurs at a reptile like shelter

64. What do you think about babies?

i think they should be loved and nurtured, but they are too much work for me to want for myself at this point of life, and you should definitely read some manuals before having one if you can because people can and do mess this the fuck up

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

you didn’t ask anything here so im just going to tell you something. i am going to tell you that i have always been so hell bent on writing even when i hate it because sometimes when things are going well i feel like i am just so in another world and i feel like im doing something im really really supposed to do. it is such a euphoria and it has an effect on my whole aura. i really wish i had never made myself stop but we can’t change the past so i shall just have to never stop again.

THANKS HOOOOO

[in-paradox-space]

you’re right

we are just choosing to be depressed.

you call it a cold room but I find warmth in the dark blanket of gloom.s

Why is it? We choose the feeling of sorrow over joy.

I suppose if we hold onto it long enough then we can pretend we aren’t the reason. 

We can pretend there’s a we.

Who is he?

Do I need to keep toying with this idea that I am multiple.

Sure, we’re the same person, yes, we are. I need you, you need me and I need I

b u t

We wouldn’t have different desires if we got along

although

we do love each other

what was the moment

was it an indentation

a crack

a split? 

when did I part ways

I remember that younger age

staring into the mirror

Yes. I love myself.

Like a magnet attracted to itself... repulsing any other who came near.

I remember

4 years old 

my dad loved to show me action movies

I don’t care much for fighting now, even then I didn’t, I liked the movies though.

hehe

I remember jumping for joy at the sight of him beating my mother

It used to annoy me so much how my sisters would freak out and yelp

I noticed they’d just make it worse. It completely bewildered me, how this would happen so frequently, enough to make it abundantly clear, how every time they reacted it got worse.

If it bothered them so much then why react? Just accept it. 

I accepted it... because I embraced it. I loved the violence... when it was associated with my father. 

Like I said, not really much of a fighter myself. The movie scenes were always cool though. Especially enjoyed fighting with my dad, although I don’t even remember the moves he taught me I felt like he knew such huge secrets. Such unexpectable tactics, using an opponents body against them. He was the first one I learned that from, I loved it, he knew exactly what someones natural instinct was to defend themselves, so forward-thinking to use that as a means of offense. 

my sisters thought I didn’t understand. I did understand.

I understood they couldn’t control their emotions.

I understood they didn’t really love their mother. If they did then they would’ve understood. They would’ve understood their role. 

I understood, my mother provoked him each time. 

I was 4. Knowledge is learned, but at that age, you just know things, your mind is fresh. You don’t need knowledge, before any time has passed you’ve retained enough information to already have learned.

It became clear step by step. She knew him well enough, they’d been together 2 decades or so. She understood what made him tick. I was only 4 right... I didn’t understand anything did I? Well, I understood what I saw. 

She knew what made him angry. The arguments would reach a logical conclusion. They’d both reach an equal exchange. After much aggrieviation he would accept he did wrong. She wouldn’t, but he was willing to move on if she would just stop shouting at him, he understood she didn’t want to acknowledge anything she did as unjustified.

Then he’d get that look. 

She must know him well enough. I mean, there’s two sides to it. If she cared about herself, she would know just to leave it be at that moment. Provoking him more would have the same result as it always had. Every other day, I remember about 3.5 years of it but who knows maybe it was before then too. 

That’s enough time to recognise every little detail intuitively isn’t it?

I recognised those moments of remorse. 

He’d beg her just to help him 

just to cooperate. 

Then. If she cared about him. If she cared about him she would recognise that any emotion is too much when someone gets to their limit. He doesn’t act like that normally. There’s a reason for it. 

She just didn’t stop. 

She just

didn’t stop. 

The problem is

although, i cant say its a problem because I have to be grateful with my life for it 

is that she started in the first place. 

too stubborn to stop. much like me right now. 

the truth is

I really enjoyed it back then, watching them fight. 

I would love to get good looks at it 

sometimes I’d shout encouragement

go on dad, punch her, yeah! 

It was so exciting. 

Even now, I do find some glee in the thought. 

Of course, I don’t want it now, but I remember the times clearly enough.

tis a shame

they’d always ruin the moment by screaming and crying. it would annoy me so much. I’d tell them shut up. 

damn

that must’ve really screwed em up

i can imagine what it felt like for someone who actually had typical baseline emotional associations for their family members

they was older than me. I imagine they watched their loving father grow more and more stressed, antagonized and relentless. 

it was like, only until we got older, I was the only one who saw the horrible sides of my mother. The neglect. Neglect with the voice of a forced smile. Forced as if someone was literally holding a gun to her. Does it hurt that much? You don’t need to smile and pretend to care mum. I wouldn’t have expected you to care every time. disinterest was completely fine. shame you bottled it all up, concealed it, so poorly. that was so much worse than disinterest.

I got disinterested too you know. 

Shame you had to bottle it into neglect. 

I know it was hard though. I know I was tough. 

Truth is. 

I’d say, I’d put down cigarettes for you. 

but would I? I never really did pause my games for you.

I guess we was both responsible for the cloud of smoke which stopped us sharing our air. 

your mother was right

I’m sorry to bring her into such a note. 

You should have disciplined me.

Funny, how I feel I’m able to blame you for the fact I’m even writing something like this. 

Funny. 

Now I look back. 

If only you disciplined me

yeah we’ll pin it all on that

I bet if you just didn’t smoke... I can’t even imagine it.

starting at age 9

you must’ve had a real tough time back then

honestly

I would love to hear in depth what you went through

im 21 

all I know is some sentences from your entire youth 

childhood to young adulthood 

I would love to know

every, single, minute nuance and indiscrepency of that time when you was 8

even more delightsome

every memory precursing it from 7 and even 6. 

I remember the story of the little chicken you bought

a small price

you had to take it back though. your mum wouldn’t let you keep a little chicken in your room.

well. 

maybe. I know its complicated

but it would have been nice if you all understood back then

that you should have allowed me to be excited and joyful, of my father beating my mother, of my mothers verbal spite returning to her in physical form. 

you didnt need to shield me from the realities. I already saw every detail enough to remember it before I was 4.

No, that didn’t traumatize me. 

I think, I’d be a lot (less) different if it did. 

you didn’t need to shield me.

In my flowery, blossomic fantasy. 

Aysh, my dear sister, you didn’t need to scream and cry.

You could’ve smiled warmly at the fact your darling brother found even this delightsome. 

There’s reason to be joyful in any situation.

My older ones. 

All you did was get in the way. There was no way you could stop me seeing it. Do you think, in the slower perception of time I had in my young brain, that I didn’t absorb every single speckle of detail in the scenario with the long 5 minutes I had to watch it unfold

the 5 minutes you was completely oblivious and dumbfounded

brushing me off to another side of the room wouldn’t stop me from seeing anything

besides i could hear it. 

why did you even make yourselves watch it if you didn’t like it. 

you could’ve stopped it too.

“mum, you’re making him angry. I know you’re upset but just be patient with him. If you give him some space to breathe he’ll show you he already loves you.”

you just had to be patient with him

I guess when you’re hooked on nicotine since age 9, your 4 year old son has taken all your patience for himself. 

Around age 5. 

Although, it honestly dampened my soul to do so.

I copied and imitated my sisters.

It would make them freak out so much more when I screamed in excitement.

Then it would ruin the experience. 

It would annoy me so much. I still feel remnants of the annoyance now. That irritating sound of my sister ugly crying and wailing. the low, long sob. Just pull yourself together. Like, why cry so soon? Just stop. Wow. Why do you even care? 

Look. I care about you... without the thought of you reacting so maternally. 

but come on

why ugly cry so desparingly? Just like. why cry so much each time? It’s happened for years hasn’t it? Why aren’t you numb to it yet? It got boring. It honestly got boring. 

oh same old reaction is it dad? Don’t you get tired of the same old fights and arguments mum? You both know exactly what you’ll say and act... might as well just not acknowledge each other.

You know

the most ridiculous part of it

she would always hit him first

over and over and over again 

like she was literally asking for it

communicating with her hands

go on hit me back hit me hahahaha youre not allowed are you hahahaha you just have to hold onto those tears, mind if i abuse you some more, hit me back, hit me back, hahaha, what are you going to cry in front of your children? no? gonna get angry instead oh boohoo, over and over.

following him as he walked away

literally 

what on earth do you expect?

what really annoyed me

was the fact she’d always get so upset when he finally fought back

and he wouldnt even hit her straight away

he’d do everything he could, knock over furnitures, shout, tell her, even plead with her, just stop, leave me alone, i dont want to argue tonight.

then she’d act like it wasnt her fault

like somehow, she didnt cause it all to happen.

she would tell us all the different ways in which he’s evil.

but she underestimated me because I’m young, i supposedly dont know anything and will believe what I hear

but i saw about 5 events a second, I’d have minutes at a time to watch before anyone else even clocked on. I’d say these things like 20 minutes to maybe 45 but its hard to tell because time was slower back then. honestly felt like 2 hours or so. bored out of my mind, not allowed to watch tv because my sisters were freaking out too much

5 minutes every other day. it becomes very easy to spot the recurring events. then notice in which order they happen. which responses only come when a certain previous event has happened. I knew, i could actually measure, by looking at him, how close to the limit he was, when he reached the limit and how further over the limit he’d need to get for it to physically manifest beyond my awareness and into acts of frustration.

either telling me no you cant watch tv right now or no look away

are you stupid

hahaha

shouldve told me to stay in my room and close my ears instead

maybe that way i wouldve been properly traumatized and scared

then maybe i wouldnt be such a freak now

because id have regular memories to talk through with CBT

 but i wouldnt be scared of my father

you just took your mothers information at face value.

but i saw everything that happened.

and most of all

i didnt just hear his words. i heard HIM

i understood he had a short fuse, he got angry, sometimes he’d even smack us 

but he never hurt us if we didnt do something wrong

he wouldve never laid hand on us without good reason

and yes he’d make sure it hurt but it was only enough to remember what we did and think about it. 

it baffles me

how did they think he would ever hurt them

even when we made him angry

he wouldn’t do that. 

he even tried his hardest, not to hurt the mother of his children

but she literally begged him to attack

legally

you cant beg, ask or plead with somebody to do something without using words

but humans dont exist within the confines of the law

They do exist within the law of the Lord. 

what im saying is, although in a court of law its a discrepency 

you can communicate with your body

with your energy for use of another word

with actions

how absolutely numb do you have to be to not understand, those actions make him  attack you

its not even about standing up for youself

you wouldnt have to stand up for yourself if you didndt provoke him

if youd just love him and forgive him, then we’d all stand for each other

no standing alone for yourself

and only yourself, but in the long run, for nobody. 

so to summarise

what im getting at is

when i was 5. i stopped expressing my excitement. 

and i couldve comfortably stayed there.

i couldve just watched. 

but i skipped a few steps. i decided to mimic and imitate my sisters

why? because children are impressionable? i dont know. i just did it and mimiced. it. i dont know if its because i wanted thme to think i was like them. 

maybe. i was always isolated in how completely different i was from everyone else. maybe even my sister was a consolation at that point, to share a likeness to.

so for a while I would scream, and cry. i was more elastic then, it was easy to produce tears. or would i even cry? id just scream like they did. annoyingly hold onto my sisters and pretend to be scared like they would with each other

yay. were now in this together. 

were doing the samre things.

ugh

that really ruined it. 

they believed it. I wish they’d know me enough to know that wasnt genuine. 

so i stopped 

i stopped pretending 

but by then i didnt enjoy it 

i just found it really annoying that my mum always complained

she would cry

act trapped

all this all that

she didnt love him

and we couldnt care any less

we understood the problem would be solved if she would jsut kick him out, its not like hes holding the family together or anything

but every day no mater how much she’d annoyingly yell and screech shes gonna leave him and kick him out

she would just take him back in 

for like a whole year after that

until i turned 7

it went on and on and on. the same old monotonous reactions. how can the exact same thing, being repeated over and over, incite the same emotional response each time

how on earth is it possible for you not to just lose interest by then to the point you dont even care enough to get angry

i knew i was bored of it 

i just wanted to live my days

but my sisters, who, as far as i knew, had had AT LEAST 3 years to get used to this, always always had the same shocked reactions

wheres the shock? its just dinnertime.

its literally

just 7pm. 

Thankfully, we had time to watch the simpsons. 

it is just 7pm

this is what happens when dad gets home

why are you shocked?

is it a surprise that he didnt give her a rose and lovingly eat dinner

its not a surprise to me 

your idiot little brother who didnt know anything and loves to eat up little white lies like the blind deaf imbecile he is.

why lie? like why?

youre so stupid. you always were. you always underestimated me. it was so horrible of you. to act like just because im 3 and 5 years younger than you that i know less than you, that its my job to pretend to believe your lies. 

why do you think my lack of knowledge is an invitation for you to hide the truth from me

if im in this world, the same world as you, why tell me im in a slightly different world which looks feels and sounds just like the one we share. 

why did you underestimate me? because of my age.

theres a difference between elasticity and plasticity.

i dont say youre stupid because youre old

why do you assume im clueless because im young 

youve had your clues

why dont you humble yourself and ask me for the NEW CLUES

do you think thats it? because you noticed patterns in your upbringing that the netire world will never change? is that what you thought? 

if we both respected each other. if we both understood we could teach each other

then at the least 

it wouldnt annoy me so much  that you would lie to me

maybe it wouldnt annoy me so much that when you tried to teach me division

you made me follow you into the bathroom, so you could hold my homework whie sitting on the toilet, just to make me watch you draw on the back of my homework sheet without even asking permission

why was that? you would always use your height and stature to avoid me coming near your room

but whenever i had something you liked, you’d take it and destroy it, share it with your friends to scribble on and cover it in glitter

there was 3 of you 

there was 3 of you

you didnt need my things. 

you didnt even respect what I had

so you couldnt have wanted or cared about ti that badly

if you love something you destroy it? is that what it is

so, didnt really summarise.

i think thats when my mind split apart into more than one

more than one dude 

but shared

there at the same time

using different connections to understand different things then trying to combine the thought 

but not really settling on one thing.

yeah

it was when

i had to pretend to be normal. when i got sick of that feeling, of them wondering why im so different, in enjoying watching my father fight my mother. 

i had to pretend it upset me.

then, there was two(+?)

me

and the veil I hid behind

but i was flexible back then

it wasnt just faking expression, I was like method acting 

and honestly it really ruined the buzz

i did a lot of pretending after that

when my father left

id just repeat stuff i heard other kids say

i thought it was so dumb. stuff i had no interest in. but i just knew, at those times in introductions and conversations and in response to certain events, the kids who had friends would react like that ... so so so stupidly. they was so dumb. you’re kids. you have such a clear mind HOW CAN YOU BE SO DUMB

maybe thats what comes with being able to trust your parents ha ha ha

and yeah

in some ways, that was worse than being alone

its like i was living 

but i was already dead

please forget how many other people have already said those words and read it again like its the first time, so you can truly understand

its like i was living, yes.

but inside, the real me. I wasnt allowed to live, because as long as I lived, I would be treated like I shouldnt be. Like people dont want to breathe the air around me. 

They gave me the look, the one which resembled how that part of me, behind the door, in the darkness of the light which shines through it to the back of my mind, felt, when they failed to remember the basic things which they had already been taught.

it was upsetting.

its like i was living.

but i wasnt allowed to. 

so the real me had to die

just so i could pretend to be someone im not.

it went on into my teens. 

id cut myself

not because i had any interest in t, i just saw how easy it wa to join the emo kids.

say you have depression, cut yourself, respect people with mental health issues, pretend to love Kellin Quinn, be bisexual and whatnot.

youre one of them

you dont even have to try when it comes to comforting them

use the same buzzwords “ stay strong “ “your skin isnt paper”  “youre beautiful” if course that doesnt work now

but age 13-15. thats the way every girl i spoke to online claled me their best friend. thank you so much for always being there every night i need you

and honestly

i do feel baf for acting like they dont deserve to be honoured in speech of them/

i really really am grateful, they allowed me to feel joy, they allowed me to know what its like to have friends, i shared some resemblance to them. 

im really grateful, they was there to talk to each night. even if it meant i had to convince myself i loved cats.

maybe they understand now

psychoses dont make somebody evil

neuroses shouldnt be the attractive mental health conditions which get all the sympathy

even aggressive people need empathy

they feel it too. 

by the way

obviously

this was trying to paint a picture of how it all started

at least the earliest memories i stil have anyway

i dont still rejoice in the thought of my family being torn apart

and i wouldnt call my sister stupid for being upset.

im glad we’re there for each other now

i wouldnt have it any pther way

and i wish them the best

and im really really really proud of everything my sisters have achieved and even moreso all of the things they continue to do. some of them even inspire me.

[mechanicallyrecoveredmeat]

This is a rambling cathartic mess.

For a minute I felt like this was it, this was the year. Normalness was becoming more apart of my life at the start of the year. I could go to work, exercise, see friends and enjoy social spaces without too many issues or feeling exhausted. Dating still felt impossible then but maybe possible at some point in the future as I was on track to receive some kind of therapy beyond the standard CBT they offer everyone.

My life still felt on hold before this and has for a long time. Ive made steps towards moments and periods of progress but anytime things get too much I'd slip back into isolation, the regret, the guilt creep back up from wherever I hid them. At the moment this isolation is far too comfortable in some ways and mind clawingly frustrating in others. A real life pergatory.

Privileged as fuck too as I'm all too aware. I have plenty to do, with little to worry about in terms of essentials for living and people are out there really on the edge of survival. I’ll probably always have a roof over my head and survive.

My mind still falls into the same patterns it has for the last few years. How could anyone ever love me again, why would anyone ever take a chance on me. I don't think I'm even capable of love again. Is my life worthwhile. With so many others out there not this screwed up why take the gamble. Let alone my own self isolation basically means no one would know I exist. I'm not good looking, rich, charismatic or special enough for anyone to be expected to take me with this much baggage.

Like some writer or artist who dies before their work is recognise I feel I might die before whatever small worth I do/may have is recognised. People have seen something in me in the past. But I've destroyed so many chances of happiness I think life is done with trying with me. Ive sometimes felt like I've not had much agency to control the flow of my life. I've likened it to feeling like a stick drifting in a river and I just hit things along the way or the river forks and I'll be sent down one or the other. Sometimes into great things sometimes bads things. Sometimes I've got control, sometimes I make the right call mostly I just fuck everything up.

I'll never not have depression but Im capable of managing it but I can't imagine having the energy beyond that to really try again with someone new. I want to but I just can't picture it, can't picture myself as a physical/sexual/social being. New people feel like danger, vessels of future pain or problems. It feels like a fundamental part of being alive that is shut off to me.

The new friends I have made have been few but cherished and are people that click right away. There's too much keeping me here for this to end with me taking my life, so I feel trapped, in a way its like I'm waiting out my time. Life shouldn't feel like serving a term but the amount of work I've put in already and I'm still feeling these things and the as mount of work still to do before I'm any where near OK is so daunting at this point as I'm so tired.

Is it worth if it cost me my late 20s and what feels like it could cost most of my 30s? I feel like I'm ruined, beyond repair at this point, In the most invisible of ways. If I went full on bat shit insane, manic bi polar schizophrenic delusional there'd be a quick solution and place for me to go. The comfort in that fantasy being I may not know I'd gone mad.

I've never noticed much of a change in myself over the years. I think of 18 yo me when I was 24 and feel fine, I was older now I've changed but in ways I expected. But the older I get the more maybe I don't like those changes or I'm realising more and more how I don't have it figured out. Right now I really don't recognise the guy in the mirror anymore or maybe I do but I cant reconcile that person with the person in my memories.

The me that could love and could accept live from someone else, the me that could leave the house without too much thought, the me that only thought like this when things were bad not everyday. I don't feel that was ever me, I don't know if it was the one event or a building things but something happened and it feels like I woke up one day after those memories as who I am now and that person feels abruptly seperate from those old memories. If it was as simple as that it'd be fine but I know I'm that person that's my past my path through life I'm looking back on. This complete dissonance from knowing that's my reality and the feeling of disconnection from it feels so hugely impossible to ever reconcile. I fear it will only get worse.

Like how they say when your young you feel invincible and that you know it all but as you become older your own mortality becomes more apparent and wisdom brings the knowledge of the more you learn the more you know just how much you don't know.

Before the quarantine I even said to someone close that I don't know if I want to die but I do want everything to stop. I got my wish, the normal flow of society has stopped to a degree however I should've been more clear in my monkey claw's wish that I want the swirling mess in my brain to stop and that I could sleep and dream forever. In my dreams I'm never worried about these things, I just get on a deal with whatever happens and really feel the nowness of what weirdness is going on. Its truly completely blissful and a huge relief most days. It's getting about that time today too. I'm running out of energy and hope tomorrow's a better day.

I right this as therapy, catharsism, if anybody wants to talk about it, wants to help, I'm open to it.

But I'm happy with the feeling of screaming this into the void as I don't really ever let myself dump like this onto anyone that I know personally. I don't expect anyone to read this or make sense of it cus it really is a train of thought extended stream of verbal throw up.

A lot of people have it far worse than me and no one appreciates that fact more than me, I'm just trying to make sense/reconsile what's goin on in my head.

[tmntfandom2012]

Splinter’s Death, April Fault? And apparently Apritello is dead...What?

So apparently the death of Splinter is April’s fault....and Apriltello is dead....oh the people in this fandom....

Okay, since Im calmer, I can rant more appropriately.

Lets take in onto why April didnt save Splinter...shall we?

Remember back in the chompy episode they talked about the Aeon made April’s powers a little weak? ((I cant really remember what exactly was said.)) Well theres one of the reasons. 

Another reason is, she used up most of her levation during the Shredder fight.

Oh and after you just witnessed your Sensei getting gutted, then Im pretty sure you’d be paralyzed and shocked. After Splinter had fallen, April summoned enough of her last bit of powers to try to end Shredder once and for all. Hear me out, when you see someone die in front of you, something just snaps inside you making everything you do is beyond your bounds. Meaning when April blasted Shredder off the roof, she wasnt in her right mind. That or she didnt know she could even save Splinter, let alone shove Shredder off the roof. 

In the second part of the Finale, SPOILER ALERT!

She stopped Donnie from falling probably to his death since he was gonna land on his head, when he was on his feet, he told April he needed to get back up there. She told him she couldnt levitate him. Which makes me think she has limitation to these powers of hers.

Shes not an all magical goddess who can save people just whenever. She’s also still young, the death of splinter shocked her, she tried to save him by warning him, but sadly that wasnt enough. I mean look at these faces!

 These two were witnesses to this

Now of course she’s not gonna think “Oh let me use my unlimited use of powers to levitate this heavy pound rat to saftey” Plus even if she did, she wouldnt of saved him from death. Look how deep those blade are?

Those blades come out of his back!! They went into his stomach and out of his back. I may not be a doctor but Im pretty sure that would kill anyone. 

Not only the stabbing, but Shredder holds Splinter high, making the blades go deeper into the body. Making the wound worse.

Then theres the fall.

That fall was in slow motion for us audience so we could grasp what was happening. But in reality, it was in a blink of an eye moment. There was nothing April nor anyone could of done. Knowing April, she would of used up so much of her powers to save Splinter. But with those wounds, and the impact a fall can have, he was already dead. That fall from a building that high would of killed him during his falling Im sure. ((Dont quote me on that))

Now lets talk about April’s sudden powers when she puts down shredder.

Right here is where I think she’s gathering all of her powers that she can, her eyes becoming murderous in the process, 

You can see it in her eyes, shes going to take this guy down, shes gonna avenge her sensei, shes gonna make him feel pain and die for what he’s done. You see that murderous look as I pointed out above.

This is probably her last bit of power she has in her before she collapses from using up so much of her powers already.

And dont forget again, the crystal weakened her. So this might be at her most powerful? Maybe. I could be wrong.

With Casey’s help she, they achieved something, at that time. They  avenged Splinter, their teacher, so they thought.

Lets talk about the wound.

Yes, Leonardo’s hand is soaked with blood. It this was on another network, this would be the gory. Im glad this show doesnt show much blood cause I wouldnt be able to stomach it. But Splinter’s top half of his robe would be covered in blood. Mikey probably would have some on him 

As the picture says, notice how Mikey is positioned, he isnt on top of Splinter like he was back in season three, hes holding his father’s hand and laying his head on it, it could be that theres so much blood he doesnt wanna get closer to it. That or, something else I cant really theorize it properly. 

What Im trying to say is, blood. LOTS of it.

Donnie and Leo would at least be sitting in the pool of blood of their fathers, meaning levitation or not, he would of died from the amount of blood. And the impact of that fall.

I do close this subject with this... APRIL IS AND WILL NEVER BE AT FAULT FOR OUR PASSING SENSEI. So whoever started this frenzy need to just really speculate before just blaming.

APRILTELLO IS DEAD SUBJECT

So is this why April is being blamed? Cause she’s apart of a ship that some dislike? If so, thats obserd! This person who started this was obviously a Capril shipper.

Because gosh forbid, one cant comfort another and not be tied into stupid romance.

Is this why Apriltello is dead? Cause he comforted her? I mean, I dont care either way, Capril is adorable and I do like them, Like all ships. I honestly dont care. What Im getting at is its pretty immature that you try and rub this in Apriltellos face claming that ship is dead.

Apriltello will never die, as long as it has shippers, it wont ever die, just like the ship Capril. That ship wont die cause it too has fans. Do I ever claim that its dead, hell no, cause that would be incredibly rude to the Capril shippers, like its rude to Apriltello shippers.

Most of dont like Caprils cause fans like the ones who are immature ruins it, well atleast that goes for me, I dont mean to speak for all. Its just....incredibly offensive is all.

Ships never die. Canon or Fanon, EVERY ship will live on. Cool it with the immatury, it makes you look like spoiler kid. 

I know im gonna get a lot of flack from this, but this needed to be said before this crap grew worse and more irritating.

If you wanna discuss you can 

CLICK HERE

Be mature, please, I dont babysit. Also feel free to add onto this. But be respectful to one another. I dont condone with jerks.

[aparoxysm]

3,5,7,8,9,12,15,18,19,20

✿  Does anyone in real life know about your RPing hobby and what, if anything, have they said about it?

My parents know, because for as long as I’ve been on the internet, they’ve known that I like to write and write with friends overseas. My dad still calls it fanfiction somtimes to other people, like he’s proud of me or something, and that’s enough to make me want to never talk to him again out of embarrassment, ha, but I deal with it. Because I truly do love writing more than anything. Other than that, my boyfriend knows, but he doesn’t care about it / ask questions and I don’t really like to tell him about it either. I’m not as embarrassed about RP as I used to be, but I still feel like it’s just something for me that other people wouldn’t really understand the mechanics of. The only times my boyfriend and I do acknowledge it is when I start talking about an RP friend he hasn’t heard about before like a real life friend, so he’s like who dat and im like oh, new rp friend from > insert country

That being said, he actually did surprise me the other week and I have been holding onto it for fear life. We were complaining about a friend who literally just sleeps and watches Netflix all day when she’s not working, and he’s like “I don’t get how you can do that” and im like “Well I have friends online who claim to do that a lot. Me, personally, I’d get too bored.” and hes like “I just don’t get how people can do nothing all the time? Like at least with you and your online stuff, that’s still doing something. I just feel like that’s actually a hobby.” and I kind of didn’t hear whatever else it is he said because he actually ??? referred to my RP addiction as something valid and worthy??? and all this time i’ve assumed he didn’t get it and thought it was dumb??? IDK, it made me feel good.

✿  Have you considered writing professionally or do you have plans to?

Always. But I never will, I don’t think.

✿  How do you handle the toxicity sometimes found in the roleplaying community, particularly in fandoms?How has roleplaying, specifically, impacted your life?

I use tumblr savior to blacklist a lot, because it really gets too much for me to be exposed to it a lot, and it makes me feel shitty and not want to rp with certain people because of how they behave, or makes me feel guilty for how I behave… I usually drift away from things that give me major negative vibes, otherwise I become in great, exponential danger of saying something i’ll regret. I’ve hated Tumblr RP a lot in this last year. It’s nowhere near as relaxed as it used to be, and I know there’s a lot of political debate on the topic of equality but I am not comfortable in a space where I have to edit everything I do and say or just not do or say it at all. When it gets like that level, a good dose of the unfollow button and keeping my mouth shut is what I find the most helpful.

✿  How has writing improved your life and do you see yourself sticking with it?

When I graduated high school, I went to college for art and animation, and it basically ruined my creative life. Before RP, I used to be an avid drawer, I sketched every day, I improved my skills and motivation so much, everyone knew me as the girl who drew in class instead of did her work, the girl who was going to grow up and be a famous artist, and when I went to college, it killed that for me. My ego took a big blow because the tech side of the course absolutely annihilated me, i couldn’t do it. so after that (and that was 2 years ago now) i haven’t really drawn since. but the silver lining was that I took on RP more dedicatedly after that, and found that I truly adored writing. Try as I might, I’ve never really comitted to a personal writing project, and it’s only in the recent times that I’ve taken the pressure off for me to do it, but. RP makes me happy, it makes me feel like I’m doing something good when I reply to people or make new friendships, it makes me feel like I’m wanted and needed, that my characters and plots are valid and that other people would care if I’m here or not. It was a big boost for my self confidence, and it’s also made me so much more privy to the creative world, which i needed after that. so yeah, i see myself sticking with writing.

✿  Is there a quote from a piece of literature that holds great value to you? What is it and why is it important to you?

She stood in front of her closet mirror in her T-shirt and twisted this way and that. What’s wrong with me? She wondered. There was nothing the matter that she could see. She was tall and leggy, like her mother, with full breasts, small waist, and slim hips that curved enough to show she was female. Her skin was gently golden; it was always golden, sun or not, and her tawny hair was thick and long and wild. So why was it that groups of girls stopped talking when she approached them at school and answered her openings with tense words that killed the conversations she tried to start? Was she too good-looking? Was that possible? Was that the threat they saw? 

Legitimately, this was the first and pretty much only female protagonist I had ever read about who fully and whole-heartedly loved herself where it mattered. Sure, she still had her shortcomings and moments of weakness, but god damn, Vivian was so proud of herself and what she stood for, and that was so refreshing to see during that period of young adult fiction. It’s why she became my first favourite character from a book. And has pretty much inspired me to write feirce, aggressive, self-assured female characters ever since. I was just so inspired by her way of thinking as a young girl, it appealed to me so much and so that moment in the book plus a whole lot of others, really stuck with me.

✿  What do you typically look for in a roleplay partner?

Cliche, but chemistry. And not always in the writing kind but a lot in the OOC kind. I like people who I can talk to super easily, who write in the same tumblr language I do, who reference memes and are not afraid to hit me up with IMs and head canons, etc. I just love it because it makes me feel comfortable with a person, and like I’m not being a bother. The better I get to know a player, the better I get to know their character away from IC interactions. Likewise, I adore it when players get to know me so well that they read the patterns in my characters easily, and I don’t feel like I have to explain them all the time? It’s like they just know, and they know what path I want to put them on. I also look for honesty, people who are down to tell me what they’re feeling about a situation or whether something bothers them, or is able to voice if I’m doing something wrong. Most importantly though, I look for decisive people. Not overly decisive but it’s just so important for me to have someone who is like “yes that sounds good, i can start a thing for you if you want” or “i dont think that really fits, how about this plot idea instead?” I really cannot stand sending IMs to people about plots and characters and them just agreeing off the bat the whole time, but never really deciding on anything either, and so it makes me feel like i’m just paddling in a circle until i make all the decisions for us. To me, that’s not what RP is about. It involves teamwork, and effort, and to me, that’s not putting in effort. It gets me really frustrated.

✿  What made you want to join the roleplaying community?

I kept seeing bios in celebrity tags, and so when i sussed out what group rp was on tumblr, i was like holy shit there is a name for the thing i have been doing with friends over email for so many years???? and you can use PICTURES? i gotta get on this.

so somehow, i found a group rp that allowed mythical creatures, i wanted to be a peter pan mermaid, and the rest is history~~

✿  What one piece of literature has been most inspirational/life changing for you? Why?

(( Blood & Chocolate, by Anette Curtis Klause — because of the main character, as per mentioned. She’s inspired me to write full-on, aggressive, assertive, don’t-tell-me-what-i-can-and-cant-do female characters without apology. ))

The Truth About Forever  by Sarah Dessen — it’s hard to explain exactly why, and it doesnt even just involve ONE of her books either, but they’ve kind of shaped my whole general character story directions?? her books always follow a pattern and i really admire that pattern, even if it is repetitive, and i am secretly a hopeless romantic so i really like how her love stories evolve. it’s always slow burning, the boy is usually a direct surprising love interest, and the girl always gains new friends and family out of it, and the stories always involve a nice little reoccurring theme. In the Truth About Forever, it’s a game that she and a boy plays throughout the entire book, which eventually leads to a shift from friendship to something more. THAT PLOT HAS APPEALED TO ME EVERY SINCE. the example of a teeny, tiny, otherwise-completely-average moment greatly impacting the rest of a characters life with someone else… i am weAK for this concept ok. her females are always usally feircely independent too and that gets me ♥

✿  Who are your top three favorite fictional characters and why?

Vivian Gandillon (Blood & Chocolate) — i swear i could go on repeat forever haha, but i’ve basically already mentioned why.

Jace Herondale (Shadowhunter Series) — back when the first like, two books had only been published, i super fell hard for this series and it was straight up because of the commentary done by Jace and his ability to senselessly bicker with everybody in his path. his comments to me, were always absolutely hysterical. i was so in love with his wry and witty comments, especially the way he kept at ease and casual through super distressing situations, and i really wish id kept reading the rest of the series as it was published, but i seriously fell behind. then the movie came out. then the netflix series. now i’ve grown too far out of it and having to see the cast on my dash every second of every day makes me want to burn the books.

Shane Collins (Morganville Vampire Series) — this is an oooold old series that i used to read religiously, and it was more in the style of anita blake and buffy vampires~ rather than twilight and true blood -esque content. it got really weird and complicated though so i gave up on it, but for a time, i adored it. and i loved shane because he was hilariously human, he hated everybody except his housemates (though sometimes that could be questioned) and nobody held a grudge better than him. he had a knack for getting in trouble, usually on his own accord, was feircely protective and spent most of his time just being a genuine nuisance and temper tantrum thrower. i saw a lot of me in him, and idk. i just like people with tempers, i think it makes them super fun to read.