#and i called my aunt to apologise and let her know im thinking about them all anyways and she had to console Me

[froggyrights2]

🐎

[clamorbelli]

hey lovelies ! i’m jaz, & i’m here to enter ur lives with my incessant use of the exclamation point & love hearts !!! <3 <3 <3 i love videogames, milkshakes, and i’m currently melting in this uk heat since i’m a simple winter child. pls excuse the parts of my blog that are still messy af, i’m slowly sorting out stats, nav, etc ( all the boring bits ) and trying to make it all look semi-presentable, so whilst i do that there are some key points about my two babies, angelo and noelle, under the cut. i apologise in advance for how long these got! pls don’t hate me ok i’m bad at pArApHrAsInG.

like this if you’d like to plot or feel free to message me either through my ims or on my discord – arcanine#0252 ! 

◟ * ◊ ─  benjamin wadsworth + cismale + he/him » * believe it or not angelo belongs to the mancini family. they are 19 years of age and are known to usually spend their time around magnolia’s coffee shop. the college dropout has been living in victoria for his entire life. the people closest to them describe the heterosexual + capricorn to be +placid and +tenacious as well as -calculated and -faultfinding » ◦ ° jaz, twenty-two, she/her, gmt◝

trigger warnings: death, suicide mention.

meet angelo ! more commonly known as angel by his late mother and those in his super inner circle. youngest of the mancini clan, and now 1/2 of the remaining duo, he’s dropped out of college to keep a close eye on rocco and the family estate in general.

i’ll put more about his past in his biography, since i’d ideally wanna’ iron all the details first, but he was a massive momma’s boy and always has been despite her problems. all you really need to know for plotting is that he’s been in victoria his entire life, except –––

from when he went to college last year !!! wow ! smart boy. angelo actually got accepted into MIT to study biomedical engineering, and for the year or so he was able to attend, he was incredibly passionate. he hated being away from his mom at the time, but he never let it show, as he did with most things.

when she died in late 2018, after only a few months of angelo being enrolled, he was a mess behind closed doors. he found it hard to cope, and even harder to come to terms with the fact he hadn’t been there for her in her final moments, even if it was self-caused. however, not knowing his father’s own mental state, angelo chose to stay in massachusetts, planning to come home for the funeral and that alone.

the news of his father’s suicide came not long after, though angelo’s reaction to that was far less visceral. he chose to come home only for a week, to see how his brother was and to attend funerals and events, mind falling straight into business mode and making sure to give his brother a long list of things he needed to keep an eye on. angelo had faith that rocco would handle things for the next two years whilst he graduated. things fell apart quick.

he continued to attend MIT for as long as he could, but news of rocco’s lifestyle and attitude always slinked its way down the grapevine to angelo, the nineteen year old boy at the university of his dreams. for him, a loyal mancini til’ the grave and a child who’d lost his mother, the choice to drop out of university wasn’t difficult. he left at the end of his first year, at the end of june, and has been home ever since. the staff tried to stop him, his circle of friends tried to stop him, but the choice had been made. he was going back to victoria.

does he resent his brother for what he’s had to do? not at all, he could never resent his best friend, but angelo would be lying if he said victoria was where he wanted to be. he’s now working closely with the current family accountant, being alongside him so he can keep the closest eye possible on the family finances and know what kind of deals and discussions he can afford possible business partners. it’s not surprising most turn their noses up at a nineteen year old trying to make business deals, but most are thrown onto their asses when he speaks.

PERSONALITY –––

angel is... kinda difficult? but also compared to his brother, he’s super easy to deal with. he’s a bit icy, but he doesn’t do it to ‘keep people away’ or anything like that, it’s just his natural demeanour, and he always appreciates people who aren’t bothered by his cool attitude at first and are willing to forge a friendship with him of some kind, though his persona in general naturally rubs people the wrong way.

he’s incredibly calm, and there’s very little that can be said or done to provoke any kind of reaction related to anger out of him.

he doesn’t like failure, but he is of the mindset that it makes you better as a person. however he despises people who let their failures or traumas affect them massively as people, so much so to the point where it affects their success. that’s one thing angelo has inherited from his father, his drive. his greed for succeeding. money isn’t the goal here, power is.

he’s practically a prodigy. his intelligence is off the scale and whilst 50% of that is natural ability, the other 50% is his own hard work and diligence. he’s not afraid to let you know how smart he is, nor will he accept anyone trying to tell him he’s only where he is because of his family. he seriously works his ass off, so much so you’d forget his family’s already wealthy and think he’s gone some kind of debt to pay off. angel’s always working on something, always scribbling away some kind of idea in his notebooks or planning something.

literally never stops pointing out faults in other people, thanks angel.

tends to think entirely with his head and is good at pushing emotion out of the equation 99% of the time. he’s very, very logical, plans pretty much all of his day, every day. spontaneity isn’t a word in his vocabulary and he doesn’t think his life is any worse off without it.

he has a penchant for pastries and good coffee and so you can nearly always find him these days at magnolia’s coffee shop. he enjoys his own company and therefore is usually alone, but won’t turn down the company of a friend so long as they don’t speak. at all.

◟ * ◊ ─  phoebe tonkin + cisfemale + she/her » * believe it or not noelle mercier is working for the bianchi family. they are 28 years of age and are known to usually spend their time around crystal woods. the escort, who has been a part of the alliance for 3 years, has been living in victoria for 4 years. the people closest to them describe the bisexual + pisces to be +tenderhearted and +intuitive as well as -pithless and -elusive » ◦ ° jaz, twenty-two, she/her, gmt◝

trigger warnings: death, sex work, suicidal thoughts, predatory behaviour, murder.

disclaimer: noelle’s soft. as fuck.

she was born in the south of france to two very french parents. she grew up there for most of her young life, living idyllically with little care. she was brought up to be kind and compassionate. her mother ran a sanctuary for local, injured wildlife and her father was a passionate journalistic photographer who travelled the world. she was exposed to culture, love, and nature when she was younger, and it shows to this day.

life was not to be all sunshine and rainbows for noelle. at sixteen, her father got caught up in a warzone, shot in action and killed on the spot. noelle’s mother experienced a complete psychotic breakdown, unable to look after herself, let alone noelle. the young girl watched, helpless, as the woman she had admired for so many years disappeared, taking the final memories of her beloved father with her. noelle was sent to live with her aunt in america, a continent that didn’t favour girls as gentle as her.

she quickly realised her only friend and ally in this new place was her cousin, louisa. her aunt was a horrible, hard woman who seemed to hate both of the girls with a seething passion, and her uncle leered at noelle whenever he could, copping feels and whispering inappropriate nothings into her ear. noelle and louisa protected each other, spent most of their nights out, eventually finding trouble.

noelle met him when she was on the brink of turning eighteen. maybe that’s what he used to justify it in a state where the age of consent was 16. robert misfer was rich. he was the diamond in their city. he paid for everything and anything anyone could ever want. he got whatever he wanted, and he wanted noelle. she was young, she was impressionable, and she fell so madly in love with someone she thought was her prince. they dated for four years when she should’ve been with boys her age. he had a wife and kids. she had her high school diploma. he put her through university. she answered his every beck and call. louisa tried her best to stop her, but what could she say? robert took noelle from the prying eyes of her uncle. in noelle’s eyes, they weren’t the same.

sometime during this whole ordeal robert bought noelle and louisa an apartment, allowing them their independence at the cost of noelle’s dignity.

until one day, robert disappeared. he had moved away with his family the day after noelle’s graduation. she was destroyed. she couldn’t do anything for weeks straight, louisa could do nothing except convince her to keep living – and eventually, she began to recover.

that was when louisa revealed a secret – cam work. noelle was in a bad place, she was  a beautiful young woman who felt unloved and unwanted, so louisa suggested she cam on the side for cash. louisa didn’t realise just how desperate noelle was for love, the love she had replaced with the attention she gained from her fans.

she worked as a cam girl for years, doing it partly for the money, partly for the enjoyment she got from feeling empowered, and partly for the toxic reason of finally being able to get the affection and attention she wanted. she loved being a cam girl, it was her whole life, until word got out in their neighbourhood.

they shunned noelle. treated her as if she should’ve been ashamed of what she’d been doing despite the fact they all did much worse behind closed doors. she withdrew into herself again for a week, stopped streaming completely and closed down her account. it rocked her fanbase but noelle could hardly cope. she wasn’t built to receive criticism like this, especially criticism for something that had brought her so much joy, something she saw nothing wrong with.

it all came to a head one night. noelle had locked herself in her room when her aunt and uncle came to their apartment, demanding to see her and berate her for what she’d done. louisa stood at the front door, defiant, radiant, beautifully strong... but she was no match for their horrendous uncle, her own father, who beat his own daughter with his bare hands until she couldn’t breathe. noelle witnessed it all, had left her room when she heard the screams, held her cousin – no, her sister – in her arms as she died on their living room floor. her uncle had disappeared by the time the police arrived, and once the police themselves learned of noelle’s job? they could barely afford her a drop of respect. louisa’s death went unpunished. the world continued revolving. noelle was lost.

the harassment eventually got so bad that she had no choice but to move, but where was she even supposed to start? it’s not like she had any family anymore, all of her friends had long since abandoned her to avoid the fallout of knowing her, and the last boyfriend she’d had... well, we all know how that went. it wasn’t until she stumbled upon an old newspaper clipping tucked away in her cousins belongings that she knew where to go – victoria.

as morbid as it was, the newspaper clipping described the deaths of fifty of the victoria residents at the bronze, and noelle knew immediately it was where she needed to be. no one would judge her there. it was a place seeped full of history that people daren’t speak of. it was somewhere she could hide, and that’s what noelle did best.

she successfully moved to victoria four years ago, where she finally restarted her cam girl career. eventually, after a year, someone involved with the bianchi family sought her out and offered her the job of a lifetime. not only was noelle protected as an escort, she earned much more money. whilst in her day to day life she was still awkward and shy, her camming allowed her to separate her job from her personal life, letting her focus on her goal of making people happy and making her a very effective escort. 

she loves animals! loves nature! wiccan! this will all be in her stats but like !!!! U NEED TO KNOW !!!!!

PERSONALITY –––

noelle, despite everything, is perhaps the most tenderhearted person you could meet. she’s gentle, trusting, and patient. she treats everyone as if they’re the most precious person in the world and looks at everything with a sense of wonder and amazement. she’s v generous, just loves !!! helping people !!!

wishes she was a princess and is waiting for a prince to sweep her off her feet. i’m not joking. literally loves love and romanticises everything like jesus shut up noelle please. 

she has no backbone. her parents, and then louisa, were her backbone for her entire life, protecting her and coddling her until it was too late for her to develop a spine of her own. she allows people to walk all over her with no consequence, lets them use her until there is nothing of her left, and she’s the one forced to rebuild. but it doesn’t matter, if the other person is happy, that’s all noelle wants.

she’s surprisingly elusive and distant about her past. whilst her warmth radiates into every part of her life and other people’s lives, noelle... doesn’t talk about her past, where she’s from, and if the conversation ever veers that way she’s a pro at steering it differently. no one ever thinks anything of it because of how open she seems to be, but truthfully she’s incredibly private, nobody truly knows much about her of worth at all.

she’s pretty emotional (shock) and cries a fairly decent amount. she doesn’t deal well with being shouted at or scolded, but she does well at hiding her tears in those situations and has learned to separate that from when people are genuinely pissed at her. she cries more when people are in pain, are upset, or if someone’s genuinely hurt her.

that’s it

it’s over

thank god

[early-sxnsets]

Drunk Text

Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18215168/chapters/43179500

Chapter 4/10 of It’s A Handheld Disaster

Word Count: 2002

Chapter Summary: Baz's friends get him a little drunk, which scares Simon half to death. Cue nervous spamming, best friend's advice, and a single picture.

BAZ

(strings_n_roses): gods.mistake: i dont know i guess im just scared of losing her family's attention???

My eyes scan over his text in the drop down, thumb pressing onto the screen to keep it half-showing. It's probably not a good idea to be talking to him about this right at this second, but I don't want him to feel abandoned (especially given our topic). The tiny graphic of the Instagram logo looms in the forefront of my mind even after I close my phone, thinking of a response.

A hard lemonade bottle rolls and rests against my thigh, making me look up at Dev as he pops open another. Despite calling them a “Gay drink”, he's already gone through two of them.

“Oy, you've barely had shit,” he says, twisting off the top of his third as he eyes my one half-empty bottle.

“Yeah,” Niall adds, eyebrows narrowing as he lifts his own drink. He bought an even shittier wine cooler. “Loosen up a little, you wound up dick.”

Reluctantly, I bring my bottle to my lips and swing, maintaining eye constant with Niall. Even with a weird shiver in a response, he doesn't look away. Neither do I--not until the bottle is finished. With a pop of my lips, I lower the glass and smirk. “There--happy?”

“I… guess?” He says slowly. “You okay, mate? What's wrong?”

What's wrong? What's wrong? Snow's texting me from his bathroom, too tired from crying to get off the tile, and I can't help him in any other way than to talk to him. That's what's wrong. “It's nothing. Just shit. That's all.”

Dev's foot nudges mine, making me disconcerted with their mutual care for my emotions. Usually, they just let me sulk, but tonight… tonight's odd. They're boozing me up and getting me to talk (for once).

I turn my head head away, looking towards the long, creaking window of mine. It nearly brushes the floor, and looks out upon the broad, rise and fall of our garden. The winter season leaves it beyond chilling.

“Can you open that?” I ask, voice tired as I nod towards my cousin. He blinks at me at first before rising to his feet and drawing it open. With a hand on my bed frame, I haul myself upright and onto my feet before digging through my nightstand. In the back lies a pack of cigs and a lighter I snagged from Aunt Fi's flat.

Only Dev takes one when I offer, seating myself right on the ledge. Neither of them bat an eye, except Niall's concerned staring as I lean against the frame, striking the light.

“Fine, don't answer,” he mumbles, taking back a mouthful of his drink.

I let in a drag, feeling it burn the back of my throat as I slide out my phone. Both the boys sit silently, exchanging glances as I finally type back a semi-coherent response for Simon.

The already buzzing of my head from the nicotine doesn't fully help my thoughts as much as I hoped it would.

strings_n_roses: christmas is over now, so the holidays are gone. if she weighs heavily on you because of the break up, then it isn't healthy and definitely not a pain that you deserve

strings_n_roses: and i know she drives you home, but maybe someone on your team will drive you instead if you ask

strings_n_roses: there's options other than discomfort

I suck in, turning off my phone with the app left open. The sound of Niall's shifting is nearly enough to make me want to yell. Their collective concern is barely appreciated, given it seems to be so sparse when actually needed.

In all honesty, I shouldn't blame them. I'm not in school, and they're just trying to help when they can. still, I can't shake the emptiness of their situational devotion to my feelings.

“You've been acting odd,” Dev adds first, giving me another drink. I take it, finishing my cig first. Looking at the burning end of it, I hand it out the window and crush it against the stone of the wall, leaving the butt on the sill as I climb off.

The drink is always better when you start the second one. “Just life shit. Doesn't matter,” I say, leaning back against the wall as I exhale slowly. There it is. The odd, mostly empty stomach nausea I get whenever I get to drink. Hits me harder, and makes it stronger. And almost definitely going to fuck me over, but it's only a few drinks (and I'm a lightweight, because fuck genetics).

As my eyes fall shut, I feel the jostling buzz of my notifications. Without hesitation, I pick it up and read it through as more messages slide down.

(strings_n_roses): gods.mistake: i dont really have friends on the team to drive me

(strings_n_roses): gods.mistake: or really anyone, except penny and sort of agatha, i guess

(strings_n_roses): gods.mistake: and her dad. her dad loves me

(strings_n_roses): gods.mistake: fuck im a little lonely fucker sorry im a killjoy and you're probably doing something more interesting with your life and im just ranting like an idiot fuck sorry

I ignore both Dev and Niall's looks as I attentively swipe it open, head spinning. I barely pay attention to what I'm saying, trying to get a word in before he has a chance to belittle himself further.

strings_n_roses: don't apologise at all. im heer to yell towards

strings_n_roses: after all im judt drinking im not ewally doingmuch

SIMON

My heart nearly stops, throat catching as I reread.

He's drinking. Fuck.

Vision blurring and body weak, the process of pulling myself upright makes it a battle all in itself.

The bathroom floor is filthy, but it felt like home. One minute I was standing, washing my hands silently in the sink, then I met my eyes in the mirror and crumpled onto the old, ratty bathmat. I'd just cried, a quiet sob into my wrist as the details of the room overwhelmed me. The dripping of the sink, the burning of the lights. The fear of losing Penny because I've practically lost Agatha already.

I don't even know if I miss her. I don't know if I want to miss her. I miss her family at Christmas--this was the first year since moving here without me going to the Wellbeloves for the holidays. I know I miss the way we'd sit together in silence, shoulder to shoulder and watching Doctor Who, but I don't know if I miss us.

She'd told me today that I'm too much. It's been months since the break up, but she said she still had something to say. That something, apparently, is that my life's unnecessary overwhelming, and I don't make her happy.

I told her likewise to me, even if I didn't mean it.

Maybe I did. I don't know.

I don't know anything.

I don't know why Baz is drinking. He'd told me a month or so back that he does occasionally, but he usually refrains from drunk texting. Says he doesn't like waking up to messages he didn't mean to send. I wonder what's different tonight.

I wipe my eyes, sniffling as quietly as possible as my trembling fingers tap out a response.

gods.mistake: please drink water

gods.mistake: and limit yourself. dont drink too much fuck just slow down

gods.mistake: did you eat? make sure youre eating

gods.mistake: please dont do anything stupid just please dont hurt yourself

At first, he's silent. The read receipt pops up, then stays still. Something in me thumps, then grows in strength as I struggle to breathe evenly again.

I've seen it too often. Too fast--too soon. The spiraling, the life destruction. The kids a few years older than me stashing stolen pill bottles under beds and liquor in their pillow cases.

I don't want him to hurt like that, and I can feel it already. The biting edge of coping.

My hand slides through my hair, settling amongst tangled curls as I shake. A disappearing picture from him pops up, starling me slight before I exhale, opening it.

It's his hand, the flash on it as he holds a pint sized glass of water. I can recognize it from his pictures of violin playing, scattered throughout his damned aesthetic Instagram account. It's the only part of his body I can recognize, and I know it well. Smooth on the back, and calloused fingertips with sharp jutting angles of his joins. His skin is a midtone of soft brown, like the shade of a perfect cup of tea, and his palm fades much lighter. You can tell he's some posh arse, because his nails are always trimmed and buffed.

And there they are, holding a glass of water with a crudely drawn smiley face on the screen. The room is mostly dark around it, and I can only make out hardwood floor and a thick, red carpet.

(gods.mistake): strings_n_roses: i'm okay i promise! i'm a healthy boy

(gods.mistake): strings_n_roses: :)

(gods.mistake) strings_n_roses: i’m with friends rhey’re takint xare of me i promise i an ok!

gods.mistake: ok ok im sorry for freaking out im sorry

I chew on my nail, biting around to the cuticles as my eyes squeeze shut. I'm overreacting again. I'm blowing up.

I tap out of the app and pull of my messaging, pulling my one of few conversations--Penny.

im losing it right now penn

its so stupid and youre gonna hate me but im losing it fuck me fuck shit fuck fuck fuck

You've texted your last fuck, buddy

It's the swearing police

I've come to ask for a recount of why on Earth you're sobbing

its stupid its so stupid im sorry

its baz hes drinking

and i panicked and messaged him a ton but im worried i pissed him off and he might hate me what if he hates me

fuck shit fuck

Do you have any basis on him hating you???

Did he text you all angry???

no but i feel it im stupid and i know it i feel it

First of all, stop

Second of all, if he's not angry, he's not angry

Third, why does this matter so much? You barely know him

thats not true we talk everyday

He's online, Si

You can lose him in a snap, why care?

Why do you even trust him so much you don't know what he looks like ://

i know what his hands look like

thats something

and just idk i trust him he seems to care

and we like the same stuff and i just

idk

i trust him

why are you talking about this again now

i thought we were over this

I said I was tired of you talking about Baz at lunch, I didn't say we were over the conversation

I'm just worried, that's all

Fuck knows you don't have someone else to worry about you over this, and he could just be some arse praying on you because you're vulnerable

People do that, you know

hes not some 80 year old creep penn

he seems as young as he says

and he doesnt use me or anything we just talk

im ok im safe i swear

hes just scaring me

Just be safe, Simon.

Something makes me jump, and it takes a full moment to register that it's Davy knocking around downstairs, doing whatever he does in his study. I should be in bed. He knows I should be in bed. He'll want me to be asleep, after all.

I tiptoe out carefully, knowing where the floor doesn't creak as I slip back into my room and in bed. The blanket's shit and scratchy, but it's something.

As I plug my mobile in, I send out a quick message to Baz, letting my embarrassment ease through while I swallow my pride.

gods.mistake: im sorry for freaking out

gods.mistake: sleep tight pls

[theycallmemoosey]

30 Years

Dan x plus size!Reader

A/N: Another fic in two days of my last one? Holy shit that must be a new record. I combined two requests into one (one was a plus size reader and the other was the plot) because I could not think of a plot for the plus size request and I thought that the second request was so goddamn funny that I just had to combine the two. I also just have to mention that I am plus size so this was a story very close to home (I have tried to share a twin sized bed with someone and honest to god was the most uncomfortable thing - especially because I’m so big). Thank you to the two anonymous peeps who sent in the requests. Enjoy!! Moose :)

--------------------------------------

“Do I look ok?” You asked, pulling at your dress as you stared into the mirror of your wardrobe, conscious of the way it stuck to your curves.

“Perfect” Dan said as he walked up to your worried form, wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing your shoulder. He looked up to the mirror and locked eyes with you, smiling, “You always look perfect, Y/N”

You frowned, “This is as far as I go. The dress is crossing the line alone, so there is no way I’m wearing heels. I’m sorry, I’m not. I’m wearing converse” 

“Finished?” Dan laughed, letting you go to allow you to get your shoes that were carelessly thrown in a corner of the room, “It will be fine, love. Just a few hours of talking to your family and then we’ll head back to the hotel and crash”

“About that…” 

“What? What have you done?” Dan asked, grabbing a jacket draped over the ass chair. 

“Well…my mum asked if I wanted to go to lunch with her the next day and…I may or may not have agreed to stay at my parent’s house” 

“Y/N!” He whined, beginning to button his jacket up.

“I’m sorry!” 

“I just wanted to spend the night with you watching shit TV, eating a shit ton of sweets, chocolate and popcorn and-“ 

“I know, I know…I’m sorry. I wanted that too! I just…couldn’t tell her no. We can still watch Netflix at my parents’ house together?” 

Dan frowned and sighed, “It’s a good thing I love you” 

You smiled and kissed him, heading out to grab your bag from the hallway, “If we want to get to the dinner on time, we need to leave in the next 15 minutes. We can pick up lunch on the way” 

“Ok. I’ll just go and say bye to Phil and then we’ll get going” 

—————————

“I don’t think I can go in” you voice was laced with panic as you sat in the car with Dan, looking straight ahead at the door to the hall where your parents were celebrating their 30th anniversary.

“Why?” 

“I don’t feel comfortable. I haven’t seen half the people in there since I was 8. And I have put on quite a bit of weight since then. OK, a lot of weight…” 

“And? Why does that matter?” 

You looked at Dan, your eyes showing fear and he sighed, “You look absolutely beautiful. So what if you’re not stick thin? I don’t care. And neither should anyone in there”

“One comment about my weight from anyone, and I mean even my Aunt, we’re leaving” 

“Understood” Dan chuckled, getting out the car quickly to help you out.

As the two of you walked towards the door, your Aunt had spotted you through the window and rushed to greet you first.

“Y/N!” She screamed, crushing you in the tightest hug you’ve ever had, “It has been so long! My have you grown! Put on a few extra pounds too!” 

You looked over to Dan with a knowing and unamused look, scowling as he laughed breathily.

“Thanks” you cleared your throat, trying not to snap at her comment, “How have you been?” 

“Fantastic, thank you. I’ve joined the local rock choir” 

“That’s-that’s great” you smiled , knowing how badly her voice sounds. 

“Now, who’s this you’ve bought along with you today? I’ve not seen you before” she smirked at Dan, making both of you uncomfortable.

“Dan, pleasure to meet you” he offered his hand but she embraced him in a tight hug, his expression matching yours.

“Please, come in, join the party!” She motioned towards the house, dragging Dan by his hand as you stifled a laugh behind him. When the three of you had entered again, your uncle called your aunt over to talk to other members of the family. She groaned and turned back to Dan, squeezing his hand. 

“I hope to be seeing more of you, Daniel” she winked before leaving the two of you alone.

“I’m so sorry” you laughed, holding onto his arm as he laughed along with you. 

“You see her often?” 

“Nope” 

“Thank fuck” 

You chuckled, watching your aunt make questionable faces towards the two of you, “Come on, let’s go find my mum and dad” 

————————— 

“I would like to propose a toast” your dad announced as he stood up from his chair, the rest of the room quieting down, “To my wife. I have loved every minute of these 30 years being your husband. We have had the most beautiful daughter, who has clearly inherited all your good looks. All I can wish for is another perfect 30 years with you. To 30 years more!” 

“30 years more!” The room repeated, the sound of clinking glasses filling the room. You smiled when your dad leant down to kiss your mum, the two of them smiling lovingly at each other.

“Think that will be us in 30 years?” A voice whispered in your ear, careful that your grandmother was sat right next to you who was more than desperate for you to marry and have children. 

You turned your head to look at him, a smug smile on his face, “You’d want that?” 

“More than anything” 

“Is that a proposal?”

Dan opened his mouth in a speechless shock at his realisation which made you laugh, “I’m kidding” 

Dan laughed nervously, leaning back and scratching the back of his neck, “Yeah, yeah I knew that” 

“Mmhm, sure you did” 

“Ladies and gentlemen” the band’s singer announced, “May everyone come to the dance floor for the lovely couple’s 30th first dance!” 

Dan took your hand and led you to the edge of the dance floor, standing behind you with his hand on your waist as the two of you watched your parents lovingly dance together. 

“I love you so much” Dan whispered into your ear, kissing behind it quickly and squeezing your waist, “I love you so much that I want to show you off to the world” 

“Hmm? What?” You asked, only just focusing on what he was saying rather than watch your parents dance to the band’s slow song.

“Come on, hun” he said, moving around in front of you to drag you to the centre of the floor to meet your parents. You resisted and pulled your hand back, your eyes wide with fear. 

“No. No way. I’m not dancing in front of all these people!” You shouted in a hushed tone, not wanting to draw attention to the two of you.

“Is this because you’re insecure?” He asked, wrapping his arms around you and trying to pull you onto the floor.

“Dan, I am not dancing with you when no one else is” 

“Your parents are”

“Everyone will see me!” 

“That’s the point” he smiled widely, starting to sway with you wrapped in your arms. You started to smile with him, giving into his cheeky attitude.

Dan had finally dragged you to the centre, smiling when you wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him gently, “Say, you’re pretty good at dancing, Mr.Howell. I’m very impressed” 

“Despite what you may think, I have some hidden talents” 

You saw the rest of the crowd look at you from the edge of the dance floor and you began to feel trapped. You cleared your throat and looked towards Dan’s feet, creating some distance between the two of you.

“Hey, woah…what are you doing?” 

“Nothing” you said, avoiding eye contact with him.

“Stop. Stop feeling like this. You are the most beautiful woman in the room tonight-no-World. I want everyone to look at how beautiful you are and know how god damn lucky I am to call you mine” 

“You don’t have to pity me like that, Dan” 

“I mean it, Y/N. I don’t deserve to have you, yet here I am with this goddess of a human. Yes, you have a few curves but oh my god does that make me love you more. I have fallen in love with your curves more than I’ve fallen in love with you” 

“Oh, charming Daniel” you chuckled, trying to hide your blush.

“I’m kidding. But I hope you know what I mean” 

“I do” you smiled, “I love you too”

Dan pulled you in tighter and kissed you, not letting you pull back or move away from him which made the two of you laugh.

“I want to go home” you mumbled in Dan’s ear when he finally let you go.

“As soon as your parents want to go home, we’ll escape” 

“I can’t wait to just relax and watch Netflix and eat crap food and-“ 

“All in good time, just keep dancing”

—————————

“Y/N?” Your mum placed her hands on your shoulders, waking you up from the short nap you were having on your on Dan’s shoulder, “I’m so sorry we kept you so long. We’re going to take off now so we can finally let you in to the house. You remember the way home from here?” 

“We have sat nav. We’ll find it” you smiled, still sleepy, Dan placing his hand on yours. 

“You two go now, we’re just going to thank the staff and band and we’ll be right behind you” 

“We’ll see you in 30” Dan said, helping you up from your chair in your sleepy slumber, “You ok to drive, hun?”

“Find me some sweets and I’ll be good to go” 

“I saved some from earlier, they’re in the car” 

“This is why I love you”

Dan laughed as he led you towards the car, his fingers laced in yours. The drive was in a comfortable silence, Dan’s hands placed on your thigh, his thumb stroking it gently.

“Got a movie in mind for tonight?” He asked, breaking the silence.

You glanced over towards Dan momentarily, smiling at his childish grin, “What makes you think I want to watch a movie? What if I want to watch Friends?” 

“No” 

“Oh, come on! I love friends!” 

“Yeah, I know. You’ve watched all the series 5 times with me alone, which says it all! I refuse to watch it again” 

“Fine. We’ll just watch whatever is trending I guess” 

“Don’t be mad”

“I’m not. Just…so tired” you yawned, drumming the steering wheel to keep yourself awake. 

“Just a few more minutes” he grabbed your hand and kissed it gently. 

The rest of the drive home was simple but you felt yourself falling asleep at the wheel and you couldn’t wait to just go to bed. Dan tried his best to keep you awake, and to some extent he was successful, as you both ended up at your parents house alive. It wasn’t long after that your parents arrived at home, apologising for their late arrival. 

“I’m sure you two are exhausted so just head up to your old room, Y/N” your mother pointed up to the stairs, focusing on hanging all the coats on the rack.

“Don’t misbehave now” your dad joked, still slightly tipsy from the large amount of alcohol he had at the party, making you and Dan cringe and laugh in an awkward manner. 

“If you need anything, just help yourself. You know where everything is, Y/N” 

“Goodnight guys. Get dad in bed safely” your whispered to your mum as you kissed her goodnight.

“Sleep well you two” your mother said as you and Dan carried your bags to your old room.

You sighed as you climbed the stairs, listening to your dad slur out drunk comments to your mum which made her laugh.

“I swear if we’re even half as happy as your parents when we’re old and grey, then we’ve won at life” Dan whispered behind you as you finally reached your old bedroom door. 

“I was kinda hoping we’ll be double as happy” you smiled, walking in to the teenage bedroom. The sight made the two of you stop in your tracks and stare open mouthed at your room.

“Oh my-“ you began, stopping when you heard Dan burst into a fit of laughter behind you, “This is far from funny, Daniel” 

“It looks like a 12 year olds room!” 

“Well they clearly haven’t changed it since I moved out” you sighed, throwing your bag onto the floor in frustration.

“And when did you move out?” 

“When I was 18” 

“HOLY SHIT!” Dan laughed, backing away from you as you tried to slap his arm.

“I think we have a slightly bigger issue than the atrocity that is this room” 

“What?” Dan continued to giggle, wiping away the tears from his eyes. You pointed towards the twin sized bed.

“That. It is, in no way shape or form, going to fit both of us” 

“Oh…” Dan finally stopped laughing, “Oh well. Guess you’ll just have to sleep on top of me then” 

You deadpanned towards him, “Ok what you said before wasn’t that funny but THAT certainly wasn’t”

“I wasn’t trying to be funny” 

“Dan, we both won’t fit. I am too big to sleep either next to you in that bed or on top of you. I will literally crush you. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow to find my boyfriend is dead from suffocation because his fat ass girlfriend cut off his air supply from squashing him to death!” 

Dan stared at you sadly for a minute, making you feel awkward as ever. 

“Do you really feel that bad about yourself?” He asked after a minute, “You really think of yourself as that fat that you can’t sleep in the same bed as me? You think you’ll suffocate me?” 

“I always think that” You said solemnly, looking at the floor. 

“Even at home?” 

“Even at home”

Dan sighed sadly and stepped forward, carefully taking you into his arms. With his arms wrapped around you, you rested your head on his chest and started to cry quietly. 

“How many times do I have to tell you? You’re the most beautiful woman in the world. I would not change any part of you if I could. Every single inch of you is perfect. Never, ever change” 

You looked up at him, tears rolling down your cheeks, “You really really think that?” 

“Yes, love” he kissed your forehead, “I always have done. From the moment I met you until the moment I die, I will always think that you’re the most beautiful thing on this earth”

“I don’t deserve you. You’re so kind and pretty and-“ 

“I’m not pretty. I am nothing compared to you” 

“You are pretty. With your perfect curls and your perfect eyes and your perfect body” 

“I’ll gain all the weight if that would make you feel better” 

“Oh god, please don’t. Like, yes, eat pizza with me but keep this” you laughed, motioning towards his body, “I love this” 

“And I love this” he motioned towards yours, kissing your hand and making his way up your arm to your lips, “Come on, get changed and let’s watch Friends” 

“Really?” You asked excitedly.

“Yes, really” he smiled down at you, grabbing your bag and flinging it on the tiny bed, “Now hurry up and get that beautiful body changed”

“This isn’t going to work” you laughed quietly, once you were changed, as you tried to squeeze into your old bed, aware your mum was trying to get your dad to sleep, “Dan this is literally impossible. I am not going to fit in next to your 7ft fat ass!” 

“I’m 6’3, Y/N” 

“Still a giant” 

You sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling Dan wrap his arm around your torso as you shuffled in next to him. Luckily, both your asses fit next to each other but you had to wrap your legs around each other. 

“This is cozy” Dan mumbled into your hair, kissing your head gently. 

“Shut up and get your laptop out” you said, trying to get into a comfortable position.

The two of you sat in comfortable silence in a not so comfortable position, watching the six people you had admired since your teenage years with the love of your life. As the night went on, you managed to find a comfortable position with your head on Dan’s chest and your body curled into his. His arm was tightly wrapped around your body, and he kissed your forehead when he noticed that you had fallen asleep. Carefully and slowly, he placed the laptop on the desk next to your bed and shuffled down, trying to not wake you up as he tried to also fall asleep in a comfortable position. Despite the fact that neither of you really fit in the same bed and you both felt beyond uncomfortable, the two of you fell asleep peacefully wrapped in each others arms. When Dan woke up the next morning, he smiled at your beautiful face laying on his chest, your breathing slow and steady. He could only wish that he would wake up like this everyday next to you for the next 30 years.

[basketcase1880]

THANK YOU!!!

Oh my word, I CANNOT believe the response to the first two chapters of Near and Dear. I am now at 201 followers and as a thank you, I thought I would post the next chapter.

Previous

CHAPTER 3

Four hours later, and Claire pulled the car to a stop in front of a large family farmhouse on the outskirts of the village of Beauly. It looked just like Jenny described it, only it was covered in Christmas lights too.

 “My da loves Christmas,” Jenny explained. “Prefers New Year’s, mind ye. But between him and Murtagh, the house is always decked out like this.”

 “Murtagh?” Claire questioned as Jenny hadn’t mentioned him before.

 “Da’s cousin, Jamie’s Godfather.”

 Claire nodded in acknowledgement, this family just seemed to get bigger and bigger, so she hoped she wouldn’t get everyone mixed up. “Is there anymore family members who’ll appear out of the woodwork this festive period?”

 “Probably my uncles Colum and Dougal,” Jenny replied as they got out the car. “They’re mam’s big brothers. My aunt Jocasta lives in America, so I doubt she’ll be here. But, ye never know…”

“Jenny!” a young boy exclaimed as he came running out of the house. “I’ve missed ye. An’ ye must be Claire. Mam’s told us we’ve all to be on our best behaviour this holiday.”

 “Claire, this terror is young Rabbie,” Jenny introduced. “He doesnae know when to shut his mouth. An’ why, I must ask, are ye no at school?”

 “Dentist,” was Rabbie’s simple reply with a shrug of his shoulders.

 “It’s nice to meet you, Rabbie,” Claire smiled, and the young boy surprised her by wrapping his arms around her waist. “Jenny’s told me all about you.”

 “It’s good to have another sister,” Rabbie said in return as he let go of Claire. “Sisters are much better than brothers.”

 “Rabbie!” a tall elegant woman with long red hair called from the doorway into the house. “Will ye let the lassies in wi’ their bags before ye begin pesterin’ them. I’m sae sorry about ‘im. Ye must be Claire? I’m Ellen Fraser, Jenny’s mam.”

 “Thank you for your invite Mrs Fraser,” Claire smiled as she followed the two ladies into the house. “I have to say it’s a much more appealing Christmas than I originally planned.”

 “It’s Ellen tae ye, nane o’ this Mrs Fraser,” Ellen dismissed. “The same goes wi’ Brian. Ye can call ‘im Brian, no Mr Fraser. Noo, I’ll let ye twa get settled in, dinner will be served at 5pm, so if ye want to take a nap or a wee walk about the village, feel free to do so.”

 Both girls gave Ellen a brief hug and headed on up to Jenny’s room where a fold-out bed had been set up for Claire. Jenny and Claire decided to take the time to unpack and talk about their Christmas celebrations growing up.

 “… So even though Jamie and Willie have moved out, they still come home for Christmas?” Claire asked.

“Oh aye, I think Willie is even bringing someone this year,” Jenny explained. “They even stay over in their old rooms. Although they are guest rooms, mam keeps them as Jamie and Willie’s rooms.”

 “That explains why we’re sharing then?” Claire questioned. “All other rooms are occupied?”

 “They might be, we’ve got several rooms kept for guests,” Jenny explained. “But I jist thought wi’ this bein’ yer first time visitin’, ye might prefer to be in a room wi’ me?”

 “Thank you so much, Jenny,” Claire said with a grateful smile. “I actually prefer this set-up. I won’t feel so self-conscious sharing a room with you. I would probably be scared to touch anything were I in a room on my own.”

 “There’s nae need tae be scared,” Jenny reassured the girl who she saw more and more of a sister. “But that’s almost five, so we should be heading downstairs. Jist tae warn ye, should my two brothers be here, the pair o’ them are giants. But they willnae hurt a fly, so ye’ve nothin’ tae worry about.”

Dinner was a quiet affair, neither Jamie nor Willie were in attendance, but Claire was absolutely taken by Fergus’ big brown eyes and she loved chatting with him. He was still learning his English, however, Claire was fluent in French having spent time there in her youth, so the pair chatted away in French.

 “I have tae thank ye, Claire,” Brian Fraser said over dinner. “Ye and young Jamie are the only two who have any idea what the lad is sayin’ maist o’ the time. Nane o’ us can speak French all that weel, so we’ve been muddlin’ through things wi’ ‘im when Jamie isn’t here.”

 “If you wish, I could spend some time with Fergus while I’m here,” Claire offered. “Helping him with his English. I taught some English while I was in France some years ago.”

 “I see yer takin’ the same route as Jamie too,” Ellen smiled as she started to sort a plate of food to put back in the oven. “Callin’ the lad Fergus.”

 “It seems more appropriate,” Claire said absentmindedly as she handed a toy to the young boy. “When I was in Continental Europe, most people called me Clara rather than Claire. So, I am a firm believer in using whatever name is more fitting for your environment.”

 “Weel, thank ye for yer offer, Claire,” Brian replied, before his wife could say another word. “I know Jamie’s been tryin’ his best, but he still has work to attend for another week.”

 Just then, as if the mentioning his name summoned him, Jamie Fraser walked into the kitchen and placed a kiss to Ellen’s cheek. “Sorry ‘m late, mam, there was a muck up wi’ an order an’ I offered to sort it out.”

 “That’s fine Jamie,” Ellen reassured. “I’ve just put a plate into the oven to keep warm for you.”

 “Thanks mam,” Jamie said as he retrieved his plate from the oven. He then made his way back to the dining room table and took his usual place next to Fergus. That’s when his eyes fell on Claire, who was helping Fergus cut up his dinner, and a big smile came to his face. “Ye must be Jenny’s friend from school? I’m her wee brother, Jamie.”

 “It’s nice to meet you, Jamie,” Claire smiled in return. “I’m Claire.”

 “Claire,” Jamie whispered as his smile grew and he ducked his head to avoid his family’s gazes. “Sorcha.”

After dinner, Fergus immediately attached himself to Claire’s side.

 “It seems ye’ve got a shadow, Claire,” Brian joked. “Come awa’, Fergus, leave the lassie alone.”

 “I don’t mind, Brian,” Claire reassured as she lifted Fergus to rest on her hip. “I can work with him on his English.”

 “Are ye’ sure ye don’ mind, lass?” Brian asked, and Claire smiled her reassurance. “Right, Jamie, ye can help yer mam wi’ the dinner dishes.”

 Jamie nodded in agreement, but if his gaze lingered just a few minutes too long on Claire as she carried Fergus to the sitting room, he would deny it.

Later that night, once everyone else was in bed, Brian and Jamie were sitting in the sitting room listening to the news.

 “What d’ye think?” Brian suddenly piped up. Jamie looked at his father in confusion and Brian elaborated. “Of Claire, saw ye starin’ efter her after dinner earlier.”

 “She’s a nice lassie,” Jamie replied. “But I wisnae starin’ efter her. I was jis’ thinkin’ about how this is my first Christmas wi’ Fergus.”

 “Claudel,” Brian corrected. “His mother named ‘im Claudel. Ye need tae stop confusin’ the lad.”

 “He’s stayin wi’ us,” Jamie rebutted. “His mam didnae want ‘im, so I’ve decided that he should be called Fergus. Make him more comfortable in ‘is new life here. He’s gone through so much for such a young bairn.”

 “Aye, he’s really settlin’ in here, son,” Brian smiled as he thought of the young boy asleep upstairs. “Ye ken, he’s been catchin’ on tae some Gàidhlig. Been callin’ yer mam an’ me seanag and sean.”

 “Granny and Grampa?” Jamie questioned. “Aye, I suppose it’s appropriate wi’ yer age an’ all. Right, dad, I’m headin’ up to bed. Some of us still have work in the morning.”

 “Night, Jamie,” Brian called after him.

 Just as Jamie got to the top of the stairs, he bumped into Claire as she was heading back towards Jenny’s room. “I’m sorry,” she apologised. “It’s just I heard Fergus crying and went in to settle him back to sleep.”

 “Dinnae fash yersel’,” Jamie reassured Claire with a warm smile. “Everyone tends to take on a parentin’ role wi’ the lad.”

 “It’s those eyes,” Claire smiled. “They just pull you in and you’ll do anything for him. Anyway, I’m going to head to bed, not had much sleep with essay deadlines and everything. Goodnight, Jamie.”

 “Aye, the lad has everyone wrapped roun’ his wee finger,” Jamie agreed with a small smile. “Weel, I’ll let ye head tae bed the noo, an’ I’ll see ye at some point tomorrow. G’night, Sassenach.”

Next

[starlight-parkers]

The Report Card (Avengers x Reader) {Chatroom}

Author’s Note(s): I wrote this back in october and forgot about in entirely. I hope you enjoy x

Warning(s): just swearing tbh

Summary: Dogs are great but your dads Steve and Tony don’t agree.

you have created a chatroom

you have named the chat “dear fathers whom I love so very much :)”

you have added Tony

You: hello father who raised me from a yOung one whom to which I love very much :)

Tony: no

You: no???

You: I didn’t say anything ???

Tony: it’s paternal instinct

You: at least hear me out

Tony: nO

You: daAAaaAAD

Tony: (Y/nNnnnNn)

You: I’m gonna tell you anyways

Tony: I had a feeling you would

You: so I got my report card back

Tony: I can already see where this is going

You: and I got all As…

Tony: I was not prepared for this part of parenthood

You: so I was wondering…

Tony: gEt To iT CHILD

You: if I could get a puppy?

Tony: lmao NO

You: fudGe yOU

You: you’re the worst dad ever

Tony: I’m going to pretend that my pride isn’t wounded and say I love you too kiddo :,)

You: I bet Steve would get me a dog.

Steve has joined the chat

Steve: no he wouldn’t

You: pleaSe dad?

Steve: nope

You: how can anyone call you the man of dreams? Freedom? Liberation?

You: you’re both the worst

Steve: correction…Tony is the worst. Who makes you cap’s shield shaped sandwiches everyday?

You: you do…

Steve: damn right I do

Tony: hey I mean I totally don’t pay your phone bill… not at all… please do continue to insult me as if I’m not here.

You: you know what fudge you both, I’m asking peter.

Tony: oh god no not the kid

Tony: you know I can’t say no to him

You: exactly ;)

You have added Peter

Peter: Hey everyone!

You: hi Petey <3

Tony: hey underoos

Steve: hello

Peter: what can I do for you?

You: oh y'know

You: we just need you to settle a family disagreement

Peter: oh… okay, what seems to be the problem?

Steve: (Y/N) got all As in her report card

Peter: Aw well done baby! :)

Tony: I am resisting the urge to throw up (:

You: and I want a puppy as a reward but AnthonY and SteVeN wont let me get one.

Peter: well that’s a shame

Steve: it sure is…

You: shuT UP Steve

Steve: thE DISrESPECT

Tony: asjajaja

You: anyways I need you to convince them that I should get a puppy

Peter: uHhhh

Steve: I’d chose my words wisely kid.

Tony: or don’t say anything at all, y'know.

Peter: umm

You: if you don’t help me convince them I won’t let you do my homework for a month

Peter: I…shouldn’t…be doing… your homework… anyway?

You: shut up you know you enjoy it

Peter: I do :(

Tony: what…just…happened?

Steve: I don’t know but is this how dating works nowadays?

Clint has joined the chat

Tony: oh no

Clint has added Natasha, Bruce, Thor, T'challa, Bucky, Sam, Wanda, Scott and Vision.

Clint: we heard talk of a dog

Steve: well you heard wrong

Sam: how can anyone call you the man of dreams? Freedom? Liberation?

You: I SAID THAT

Thor: I FOR ONE AM IN FAVOUR OF SMALL AND FEROCIOUS BEAST RUNNING AROUND THE TOWER!! IT SHALL BE MOST ENJOYABLE :) :) :)

Natasha: Thor, caps lock sweetie.

Thor: *whispers* oh yes, I apologise widow of black :) :) :)

Peter: is bad that I actually heard him yelling from the other side of the tower or?

Peter: and are we just going to ignore the fact that he added in *whispers* ?

Clint: LeT hIm LiVe pETer

Bucky: yeah! Sit down you little asshole

Peter: I… am…confused.

Sam: oh somebody get him a juice box, little Peter is confused.

Peter: w h y  a re  y o u                       a t t a c k i n g  m e ?

Sam: oh shit someone’s having a tantrum.

Natasha: go sit in a corner sam, you’re being uneccesary.

Sam: stfu woman come back when you can spell unnecessary.

Bucky: #ROASTED

You: WE ARE GETTING OFF TOPIC

Wanda: what were we talking about again?

Tony has cleared the chat

Tony: I think were talking about getting pancakes for breakfast today

Steve: oh yes, Tony’s treat :)

Tony: of course it’s my treat I’m the only one with money.

Scott: I’m down for pancakes

Bucky: yeah I could go for some too

T'challa: if Tony’s paying

Thor: I TOO WOULD ENJOY THE CAKE OF THE PAN.

Natasha: as mentioned before, only if Tony’s paying.

Wanda: same

Steve: then its settled, pancakes at 10

Clint: WHAT ARE YOU TAPKING ABOUT

Clint: WE WERE TALKING ABOUT GETTING A DOG YOU FOOLS  

You: T H A N K  Y O U

Tony: fuck yOu clint

Steve: LANGUAGE TONY

Steve: there are children present

You: all in favour of getting a dog say aye

Scott: aye

Wanda: aye

Bucky: aye

Sam: aye

Peter: aye

Clint: AYE FUCKING AYE CAPTAIN

Bucky: too much Clint too much

Clint: sorry

Peter: well it’s decided,  I guess we’re getting a dog

Tony: Vision, T'Challa, Bruce and Natasha haven’t voted yet.

Steve: not to mention Pietro

Pietro has joined the chat

Pietro: I vote for the dog, they’re better than people and I hate everyone.

Pietro has left the chat

Wanda: sorry about that, he’s still salty because we invited Scott to the Civil War and not him.

Scott: how were we supposed to know? he’s meant to be dead

Clint: RIP that speedy guy 2k15, you shall not be missed

You:  I am physically sobBiNg

Bucky: she’s not kidding, I am three floors down and I can still hear her.

Scott : it sounds like she’s dying

Peter: then it’s nothing new.

Bruce: ARE WE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU HAD A CIVIL WAR?

Bruce: I THOUGHT WE WENT THROUGH THIS

Tony: no brucie, we’re talking about the possibility of (Y/N) having a demon spawn to call their own

Bruce: I hate all of you

T'Challa: I agree, you are all beneath me

Sam: sit yo ass down and drink some milk, cat man

Bucky: #LIGHTLYBURNT

Wanda: IM WHEEZING

Scott: you guys gotta stop roasting each other, (Y/N) is going to D I E of laughter.

Peter: let her  

Tony: what

Peter: f r e e  m e

Steve: moving on…

Thor: yes…please proceed.

Steve: Bruce? Natasha? Thoughts on the dog.

Natasha: I’m against it

You: WHY?? YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE THE AWESOME AUNT NOT THE ASSHOLE AUNT

Natasha: cats are cooler

Clint: Natasha we can no longer be friends

Natasha: fine by me

Bucky: #CHARED

Tony: science bro?

Bruce: I’m also in favour of a cat, they’re more peaceful and less…like you guys.

T'Challa: I agree

Bucky: leave cat man

T'Challa: call me that again and pietro won’t be the only avenger to have died

T'Challa has left the chat

You: well then…

Peter: I don’t know what to say

Thor: what about brother vision? He has yet to cast his vote.

Wanda: I’ll admit Vis has been very quiet.

Vision: I apologise profusely for my lack of presence.

You: HE JUST PHASED INTO THE COMMON ROOM AS HE TYPED THAT IM W H E E Z I N G

Tony: Steve is your child asthmatic

Steve: she’s  not my child, she’s yours

You: wow what a loving family I have

Thor: indeed, much like my own, at least you are not a murderous pathetic excuse for a villain :)

Wanda: is it me or does the smiley face make it worse ?

Natasha: it’s the smiley face.

Tony: anywho vis, vision, partial creation of mine

Tony: what do you think about getting a dog?

Vision: by my calculations getting a dog would perhaps increase the physical activity of (Y/N) as we have come to realise, She only moves to retrieve a food source before returning to her room. Having a dog would lead to (Y/N) leaving the compound more, in order to walk the animal.

You: I’m sorry I didn’t know asking for a dog would include roasting me

Bucky: #BARBECUED

Peter: what’s with all these hashtags ?

Bucky: I’m running out of synonyms for roasted

Vision: Additionally, having a dog would decrease the stress levels of the team and perhaps everyone’s mutual hatred towards Mr Stark.

Tony: you all hate me?

Steve: its less of hatred and more like a preference for avoiding you :) nothing to worry about.

Tony: oh okay then :)

Clint: how did that go over his head?

Bruce: I have no idea

Vision: to conclude getting a puppy would be most beneficial.

You: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY

You: HAHAHA SUCK IT STEVEN IM GETTING A DOG

Bruce: (Y/N) is definitely Stark’s child.

Thor: aye

Natasha: no doubt about it

Loki has joined the chat

Clint: ew who invited him

Wanda: why so salty Clint?

Clint: he tried to take over my mind with some voodoo shit

Sam: VOODOO SHIT IM SCREAMING

Peter: he actually is

Peter: it’s very loud

Loki: you foolish midguardians. I always said that you would be responsible for your own demise.

Scott: what are you on about reindeer games?

Loki: I’m sorry who are you?

Bucky: #OVERCOOKED

Bruce: these hashtags are getting out of hand.

Peter: remind me to teach him how to use them properly.

Thor: brother! :D

Loki: NOT NOW YOU BLONDE HEADED FOOL

Thor:  D:

Wanda: yikes

Loki: I HAVE COME TO WARN YOU.

You: warn us of your presence? Because none of us actually like you.

Thor: I do

Thor: just a bit

Loki: purchasing the vile beast known as man’s best friend will only result in the destruction of the Avengers. We all know (Y/N) would betray us. She would raise this animal, to become a beast. Multiply it and use it to destroy us from the inside.

Steve: is Loki… afraid…of dogs

You: oh my god

Loki: NO YOU IMBECILE I AM HERE TO SAVE YOU

Natasha: Loki? Saving us ?

Vision: in all my years on earth I have never heard such an entertaining tale

Peter: sit the fuck down bish you’re like 2 years old

Bruce: peter omg

Sam: THERE ARE  T E A R S FLOWING FROM MY EYES

Thor: please send help it sounds like he’s choking

Bucky:  l e t  h i m

Steve: what is it with everyone and wanting to kill each other?

You: don’t act like you haven’t wanted to kill any of us, you golden child

Steve: …

Steve: proceed.

Bucky: #

Scott: don’t even start I beg

Bucky: D:

Loki: you mortals will all perish

Tony: so I think we’ve established that Loki is afraid of dogs, and since none of us like him I propose we get one.

Steve: agreed

Loki: NO YOU DENSE HEADED INFERIORS

Tony: all in favour of a dog say aye

Steve: aye

You: aye

Thor: aye

Peter: aye

Scott: aye

Wanda: aye

Vision: aye

Natasha: aye

Bucky: aye

Bruce: aye

Sam: aye

Clint: AYE MOTHER FUCKING AYE BITCHES

Bucky: Clint pls

Natasha: you are an embarrassment to this team, no wonder pietro is always running away from you.

Natasha has left the chat

Clint: damn

Bucky: #SCORCHED

Peter: well now that this has come to end, Let’s go Bucky, I gotta teach you the ways of the hashtag

Sam: oh I have got to see this

Scott: I’m definitely filming this

Bucky has left the chat

Peter has left the chat

Sam has left the chat

Scott has left the chat

Loki: you will all die

Loki has left the chat

Thor: it appears that Loki is having a tantrum

Thor: I must tend to my brother, his feelings have been hurt.

Tony: lolol I don’t care

Steve: same tbh

You: SE E YOU ARE NOT SUCH A PURE GOOD WILLING PERSON AFTER ALL

You: SUCK IT STEVEN

Tony: why do you have such a disrespectful child Steve?

Steve: biologically she’s your creation, you do the math

Clint: LMAOOO

Bruce: brb I’m totally not sobbing with laughter

Thor: I must depart from you friends (: goodbye

You: bye (:

Thor: (:

You: (:

Thor: (:

You: (:

Thor: (:

You: (:

Thor: (:

Clint: ISTG JUST LEAVE

Thor: be careful who you yell at brother Clinton. I am always watching.

Thor has left the chat

Bruce: well then

Tony: moving swiftly on

Clint: AHAHAA

You: im finally getting a dog WHOO

Clint: WHOOO

You: WHOOO

Steve: why are you both simultaneously yelling ‘whoo’ whilst typing it at the same time?

You: it’s for effect

Bruce: looool

Tony: anyways since you’re getting this dog, they least you could do is name it after your favourite dad

Steve: I agree, this debate has gone on for too long

Steve: which one of us do you like best?

You: sure why not

Bruce: this is going to get interesting

Clint: I’m ready to take screenshots

You: I’m naming my dog peter

Steve: why?

You: because he’s my favourite daddy

You: duh

(Y/N) has left the chat

Tony: what

Steve: pardon

Bruce: AJAJAJA IM SCREAMING AND WHEEZING AT THE SAME TIME I CANT

Clint: OH MY GOD BYE

Bruce has been disconnected

Clint: I’m totally… going to… see if he’s okay… and not laugh about this

Clint has left the chat

Steve: I can’t believe this

Tony: …

Steve: you have your suit right?

Tony: already putting it on

Steve: the shield?

Tony: it’s right where you left it

Steve: it’s time to go squash a spider

Steve has left the chat

Tony has left the chat

[lickstynine]

Misadventures of Kit: Chapter Twenty-Six

I was planning to save this one for tomorrow, but Tumblr is a glitchy dumpster fire that posted it when I hit “QUEUE,” so here you go

written with @ocsickficsideblog

Alistair stomped out of the shopping centre, texting Taddy to come take him home. He was pretty sure he was allowed to do that - they’d probably be shoe shopping for ages. The chauffeur showed up quite promptly, as he’d just dropped off Reggie at a nearby café.

“Afternoon, sir.”

“Hey,” Alistair mumbled, not even bothering to correct the sir. “Just take me fucking home.”

“Is your celibate home under renovations?” Taddy asked, already taking off towards Alistair’s crappy block of flats. The drive wasn’t long at all - the walk had only taken ages because Kit had the pace of an old woman with a cane.

Taddy’s reply almost raised a snort from Alistair, through he kept having to swipe tears away with his fists. He curled up in a corner of the car, biting his nails.

“I don’t remember shopping being that torturous.” Taddy mused, “What’s the matter?”

“I don’t know. I have a toxic personality. I once heard a shrink say that to my mother.” Alistair sighed.

“The same mother who would ruin the life of anyone who disagreed with her?”

“I always fuck everything up for the people I love,” Alistair mumbled. “She hates me too. Kit would rather be with her because I just fucking upset him and get on his nerves…” Alistair was way beyond holding back tears now. Taddy gently patted his shoulder.

“Master Kit won't stay mad. As petty as he is, he isn't very good at holding grudges. Except with that Mister Toby. Quite an odd case there.”

“That’s because it’s with Jules,” Alistair mumbled. “Nobody wants him hurt like that.”

“And Master Julius wishes well for you, too. He's probably expecting you, isn't he?” Taddy prompted.

“Probably. I just...I hate fighting with Kit,” Alistair mumbled. “That girl called me a fuck-up.”

“Miss Siofra? She is a bit… Crass. Master Kit was musing the other day about how he 'seems to attract heathens’.” Taddy almost unconsciously mimicked Kit's accent when quoting him - nothing Kit said sounded right without the comically posh intonation.

That made Alistair smile a bit, but he was still crying. “I don’t want to get between him and her. But she doesn’t like me.” He didn’t actually know that, but he was too emotional to be rational at the moment. “And I get anxious when Kit is off somewhere alone. I know it’s stupid, I’ve been told - but I can’t fucking help it. I fucking found him half-dead on my bathroom floor a few weeks ago!”

Taddy cringed - as oblivious as he'd been at the time, he still felt like a guilty accomplice. “I know. I worry too. I'm glad he's staying with you and Master Julius for now. Master Reginald has been… temperamental… as of late.”

Alistair pulled a face. “Ugh, yuck. He has?”

“Well, he's always temperamental, but moreso lately. I think it's the divorce.” Taddy said.

“He’s getting divorced again? Shocker.”

Taddy chuckled. “At his last wedding, one of the aunts gifted him a portrait of Henry VIII. It took him three days to figure out why everyone else laughed when he unwrapped it.”

Alistair grinned. “Good God, I’m glad Kit takes after his mum.”

Taddy nodded, pulling up in front of Alistair's block of flats. “Tell Master Julius I said hello.”

“Will do. Thanks for picking me up,” Alistair said. Taddy waved and drove off.

Back in the chaos of the shopping center, Siofra was still fuming. Her anger for Alistair was mostly gone, but she couldn't find Kit, and it was getting frustrating. She'd shamelessly barged into the men's room to look for him, but only found a terrified and confused teenage boy. In a less crowded place, Finny could maybe have tracked him. As it was, though, all Siofra could do was keep stomping around the shops, phone in hand as she fruitlessly rang Kit's cell.

It was nearly an hour later before she gave up. Siofra didn't know how she could've misplaced Kit - he wasn't in any shape to sprint away, and she hadn't been far behind him. Yet two laps around the shopping center had produced nothing but frustration. She thunked down on a bench, scowling at her phone. “I ought to go on the bloody intercom and call him like a lost toddler.” She muttered. Finny rested his chin sympathetically on her leg, and she ruffled his ears with her free hand. “We've gotten quite the blooming workout today, haven't we?”

Finny didn't respond of course, and Siofra looked back at her cell. It was nearly dead - she couldn't keep spamming Kit in hopes of a reply. But she could call someone else.

Alistair jumped when his phone started ringing, fumbling with it. “Hello?”

“Where did you get off to?” Siofra didn't sound angry, just tired and worried.

“Home… I thought that’d be better. Where’s Kit?” He paused, sighing. “Sorry. I know I’m a fuck-up, I’ll try harder. Put Kit on, I need to apologise.”

“What are you on about? I didn't say you were a fuck-up. I said you fucked up.” Siofra huffed. “That's not the point, though. I can't put Kit on. His skinny arse teleported to who the hell knows where. I was hopin’ you might be the who in hell who knows. Bloody fuck, I'm not even makin’ sense. I can't find your idiot cousin. I was gonna ask you to come back inside an’ help me look, but…” She sighed.

“I’m coming,” Alistair said at once. “Hang on, I’ll run back. It’s not that far when you’re not dragging Kit along. Okay, where have you looked?”

“Everywhere! I've walked the place end to fuckin’ end! He's not hard to miss, an’ 'e certainly ain't fast. Did 'e catch a breeze and drift up into the fuckin’ rafters?” Siofra actually looked up at the ceiling out of sheer desperation.

“You’ve checked all the bookshop? Every little corner?” Alistair was panting as he ran back through the streets.

“I asked the girl by the door if she'd seen 'im. He's not exactly inconspicuous.”

“Where the fuck has he gone..? This is all my fault!” Alistair wailed. “What if he’s been kidnapped?”

“He has 'is phone. I doubt 'e's been snatched, 'e’s just… hiding.” Siofra was trying to stay calm - the absolute last thing she wanted was to deal with another one of Alistair's fits - but his words made her worry. Kit was right at the intersection of nonthreatening and visibly wealthy.

“Hang on, let me think… Where did he used to hide when we were kids?” Alistair mumbled. Kit had always gone for a closet, or his bedroom if he was close enough. He just wanted a door to lock between him and the rest of the world. “You checked all the toilets?”

Siofra couldn't help laughing. “All the ones I could find. Some'o the lads weren't too happy to see me.”

“Um… he ran off in the direction of the food court. He’s not fast, like you said. Maybe he’s holed up around there somewhere.”

“I mean, I've circled the place like a fuckin’ vulture, but I'll try again. We can't keep talkin’, my phone's almost dead. Meet at the food court.” Siofra instructed. She hung up, shoving her phone in her pocket and hurrying off towards the familiar smell of grease and indecision.

Alistair joined her when he arrived, pink-cheeked and bending sideways, clutching at the stitch in his tummy from the running. “Any luck?”

“Nope.” Siofra scowled. “Where the hell did he go? Is there some liquor store down the road I don’t know about?”

“Not that I know of. Are you sure you checked every corner of the bookshop? Because that’s where he usually hides - around the books.”

Siofra shrugged. “I didn’t scour the place, I asked the gal at the door if she’d seen him. How do you miss three feet of red hair and ten pounds of gold?”

“She could have. I’m looking in there,” Alistair said. “Come with me, you’ve got a sharp eye.”

“If ya think it’s worth a shot.” Siofra would’ve checked the roof at this point if she knew a way up. She gently tugged Finny’s leash, and the dog stopped sniffing a trash can to follow them.

The bookshop was uncharacteristically crowded, but it quickly became clear why - the newest volume of a popular young adult series had been released, and there were a handful of signed copies mixed in at random like golden tickets. Teen girls were shoving at each other, desperately trying to peer through the shrink-wrap, as if they’d be able to see the signature before buying and unwrapping it. Siofra groaned in annoyance.

“What the fuck is all this?”

“New book out. That one with the sorcerer’s daughter and the vampire hunter or something? I don’t know, I just skim read it.”

“You read it?” Siofra snorted.

“Jules read it. I just skimmed it because I hoped it’d have gory vampire bits. Which it didn’t.” Alistair tried to fight through the sea of teenagers to look in every quiet corner of the shop. “Come on, it’s so crowded in here that girl at the front could have easily missed Kit.”

Siofra nodded, scouring the fantasy and historical fiction sections with a sharp eye. Finny sniffed around curiously, but didn’t seem to find anything. Alistair prowled about frustratedly, checking round every bookcase. He thumped on the bathroom doors in frustration. “Oi! You in there, Kit?”

There was a tiny yelp of surprise from inside. “...Al?”

“Kit! Oh thank God, we’ve been looking for you everywhere!” He quickly called to Siofra to tell her, then hurried back to the door. “Let me in…”

“Yea, hold on.” After a moment, the lock clicked, and the door opened a sliver. Kit stepped back right away, staring at his shoes. He knew he looked a mess, and he wasn’t proud of it. His hair was a disheveled mess - he’d pulled his scarf over it to draw less attention - and his eyes were ringed with smeared mascara.

Alistair felt awful when he saw the state Kit was in. He immediately hugged him tight. “I’m sorry!”

Kit groaned at his cousin’s crushing grip. “It’s not your fault. I… I was getting overwhelmed, and I didn’t say anything.”

“Well, if you agree to try to tell me when you feel like that, I’ll try to stop being so full on sometimes,” Alistair mumbled.

Kit nodded. “I just… I’m nervous about the party, and it’s loud and crowded here, and we discussed the complaining beforehand, so when you started, I just… It got to be too much.” Kit had honestly been properly pissed in the moment, and he was still slightly ticked, but not enough to be bothered. At this point, he was just tired, defeated, and miserable.

“Sorry. I guess we sort of have different ideas about when teasing goes over into complaining.” Alistair assumed if he wasn’t serious, it didn’t really count as complaining. But he hadn’t really taken into account that only he could really know whether he was serious about something or not.

“Yeah.” Kit nodded limply. He nearly jumped out of his skin when there was a banging on the door.

“Oi! How long are we gonna spend on bog confessionals?”

Alistair rolled his eyes. “She’s a charmer,” he said, but playfully. “Let’s go.”

“I can’t go out looking like this.” Kit went over to the sink, dampening a paper towel to wipe the smeared makeup off his face.

“I’ll redo your face,” Alistair said, as a peace offering.

“I don’t have my mascara with me.” Kit sighed, trying to clean up his raccoon eyes.

“I’ve got eyeliner. Will that do?”

“I… I don’t usually wear eyeliner. Do you think that would look okay?”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll do it all fancy,” Alistair said.

“Fuckin’ hell, we’re havin’ a beauty salon now?” Siofra cried, loud even through the door.

“Pretty much,” Alistair called back. “Two minutes.”

“Fuck this, I’m gettin’ a coffee. Find me when you’re done, if the screamin’ girls don’t eat ya first.” Siofra went off to the café attached to the bookstore, Finny following loyally.

Alistair rolled his eyes, gripping Kit’s chin carefully. “Stay still. Fancy shit is harder to get even.”

Kit was dutifully still, allowing Alistair to move him like a mannequin. Alistair pressed very lightly with his black eye pencil, making a soft grey line around Kit’s eyes that emphasised their shape. The older boy waited for him to finish, then turned to look in the mirror. “What do you think?”

“It looks good on you. Everything does.”

“Mm, most things.” Kit amended. “There are some old photographs of me that I’m quite glad I cannot find.” He pulled a comb from his pocket, smoothing his hair back down in the mirror.

“Why? What were you wearing?” Alistair asked, looking amused.

“You don’t need to know.” Kit smirked, walking out of the bathroom. He was drawing the eyes of quite a few thirsty teenage girls, and he shifted awkwardly on his feet as he looked for Siofra.

Alistair grinned. “Watch out they don’t swarm like piranha, Kit…”

“I’ve always hated fish.” Kit stared at the ground as he walked, trying to avoid the gaze of the girls tactlessly shoving themselves in his way. Alistair led him along, not above elbowing them out the way if he had to. Kit mumbled something about that being rude, but didn’t actually make his cousin stop. Siofra was just around the corner in the café, but to Kit’s horror, there was another familiar red-headed figure at a table by the window.

Alistair felt Kit stiffen beside him. “What is it?” he asked, looking up - then he spotted him too. “Shit!”

“Al… we can’t go over there.” Kit mumbled, pulling his scarf up around his face.

“Where’s your phone? I’ll send Siofra a message,” Alistair mumbled.

Kit handed it over, shuffling nervously where he stood. “She’s going to think I’m an idiot.”

“No she won’t.” He paused as he tapped out the hasty message. “Does she know what he does to you?”

“...sort of.”

“How much is sort of? Will she understand why we need her to leave?”

Kit chewed nervously at his lip; he hadn’t told Siofra that much, just that his father was awful like Alistair’s parents. He had no way of knowing how seriously she’d taken him, or if she realized how wretched the Renfrews were. “I hope.”

Alistair sent the message, simply telling her to meet them outside right now, it was important. He ducked his head, wishing he had a scarf for his bright hair too. Luckily, the girls weren’t interested in him - he didn’t look nearly as expensive or pretty as Kit. Siofra felt her phone buzz, and she checked the text, stuffing the bagel she’d impulse-bought in her mouth to grab her coffee.

“C’mon, Finny,” She mumbled through the dense bread, “We gotta go, apparently.” Like Alistair, she had no qualms about shoving her way through the hormonal parasites, and she nearly spit out her bagel to yell at a girl who jostled her coffee. Just the muffled angry noise she made seemed to be enough, seeing as the girl ran off into the crowd. Before long, she was outside the shop to meet the boys.

Alistair ran to her at once, feeling uneasy the moment he took his eye off the café. “We need to go, we can’t stick around this area.”

Kit nodded urgently, staying latched onto his cousin. His heart was pounding so hard, it seemed like he could feel it in teeth, and all the colour was gone from his face. He was breathing rapidly, and starting to wheeze because of it.

“Relax. We’re in public,” Siofra reassured him, “It’s not like you’re bleedin’ in a pool with a shark.”

“No, it is as close to that as is possible on land,” Alistair said, wrapping his arms around Kit, propping him up. “It’s okay, Kit, we’re going. Breathe…”

“I want to go home.” Kit mumbled, leaning against his cousin. Finny nosed his legs worriedly.

Alistair held Kit upright, struggling with him to get his phone out of his pocket. “Sure, we can go home. Siofra, you coming too?”

“I can, if ya want.” She was clearly talking to Kit more than Alistair.

“You… you don’t have to.” Kit sighed, “I’ve already wasted half your afternoon.”

Siofra rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t have wasted time lookin’ for ya if I didn’t like bein’ with ya, stupid. I’ll come with.”

“Can I ask you something first?” Alistair mumbled, blushing. He started pulling Kit away from the café, but he kept his eyes on Siofra. “Something dumb.”

“I expect everything you say to be dumb. What’s up?”

“Do you...despise me?” He frowned. “I was trying to word that to sound less dumb and it fucking backfired.”

Now Siofra snorted. “No. I think you’re a bit annoyin’. Bit of an idiot. But I don’t hate ya or nothin’.”

Alistair rolled his eyes. “Great. That’s generally the best I can hope for. You’re alright too. Good fun in small doses,” he said, smirking.

“So you can hold your women about as well as your liquor?” She grinned.

“Oh god, don’t bring that up,” Alistair groaned.

“Just drag your idiot out to the car.” Siofra laughed. “You did text the driver, right?”

“Yes, he’s over there. He can’t magically make a parking space materialise closer to the entrance.”

“Pity we can’t pay for that.” Kit mumbled, eliciting another snort from Siofra.

“Trust you to say that,” Alistair teased, getting into the car and hauling Kit after him. “Hi again, Taddy.”

“Afternoon, sir.” Taddy grinned. “So eager to see me again?”

“Oh yeah, I try to manoeuvre a chance encounter whenever possible.”

“As if. You try to not leave your flat whenever possible.” Kit teased. He was trying to be lighthearted like the others, but he was obviously still shaken.

Alistair wrapped an arm around him. “You alright?”

Kit sighed and shook his head. “No. I’m terrified.”

“It’s okay, he didn’t see you.”

“Not for now. For the party. I nearly had a heart attack back there. What am I going to do on Monday?” Kit groaned.

Alistair sighed, trying not to show he’d been worrying about that too. “We’ll figure it out. The house is fucking big enough, we’ll avoid him as much as possible.”

“How big is the place anyway?” Siofra asked.

“It’s gigantic, Siofra, trust me,” Alistair said.

“I've learned better than to trust guys who say that.” She grinned.

“Oh Jesus…” Alistair groaned.

“What were you expecting, Al?” Kit chuckled.

“Yeah, okay, I walked into that.”

Siofra laughed, and Finny barked, putting his front paws on Alistair's leg. Alistair leaned over and made a considerable fuss of him, as if he hadn’t seen him for weeks. Finny licked his face gleefully.

“Master Alistair, we try to keep it PG-13 in the car.” Taddy teased.

“Oh ha ha. You should be saying that to these two.” He nodded at Kit and Siofra, though they were merely sitting sedately together.

Siofra just rolled her eyes. Kit was half asleep on her shoulder, worn out from all the stress. Alistair stroked his hair in a similar way to how he’d stroked Finny. Siofra raised an eyebrow at him. “Tryna steal both'o my men, are ya?”

“Kit’s just as much mine,” Alistair said loftily. “Though I don’t want him for the same things you do. You can take charge of that side.”

“Really? I thought you noble folk were into that. Keepin’ pure blood pure an’ all that bullshit.” Siofra grinned.

“Our parents were worried about disabilities from inbred children. Though some of our older relatives married second and third cousins.”

Siofra scrunched her nose. “Jaysus… I was kiddin’.”

Alistair nodded. “Think of any disgusting and vile thing in the world, and I can almost guarantee it’s happened in our family.”

“Charming lot you are.”

“Aren’t we just?” Alistair sighed. “I wish Kit would cut them off too. Being poor and free is much better.”

Siofra shrugged. “I mean. I agree. But he's clearly got some sort'o hangup about it.”

“Mnn. I’m not sure what that is. Or maybe I’m thinking too deeply about it and he’s just a bloody snob,” Alistair said, giving Kit’s shoulder a pat. He shifted a little, but didn't sit up.

Siofra chuckled. “Probably just a snob.”

Alistair didn’t reply, sighing. He felt it was more than snobbery somehow, but he wasn’t sure if he was just being overprotective again. Finny seemed to pick up on Alistair’s concern and gave his cheek a slobbery kiss. Alistair laughed, reaching over to hug Finny properly. It was like hugging a giant stuffed animal, all soft fur and bright eyes. Finny climbed up into his lap, tail wagging enthusiastically. Alistair was positively flattened, but he hugged Finny happily. “Siofra, look!”

“How could I miss that fuckin’ sight?” She snorted.

“He really likes me, see!” Alistair said, sounding so delighted, like a tiny kid.

Siofra rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “Yeah. And your stupid arse bought ‘im a collar worth four times more’n his furry purebred arse.”

“Oh, to Kit I spent the equivalent of a weekend bender. I’ve seen him buy a bottle of wine for almost three grand!”

“He what?” Even after seeing Kit drop thousands on jewelry, Siofra hadn't quite wrapped her head around how much and how freely he spent money. Unlike Alistair, she'd grown up in a functional middle class home and was used to sane people with budgets and normal jobs and cars that cost less than a small house.

“I told you, money isn’t scarce in our family. It’s something that’s always been there.”

Siofra shook her head. “That's fuckin’ wild… sure don't mind lettin’ him pay for shit, though.”

Taddy chuckled. “Then perhaps you can carry Sleeping Beauty upstairs.” he suggested, pulling up in front of Alistair's flat.

“Yeah, sure.” Siofra slid the shopping bags off her arm, holding them out to Finny. “Hold these, will ya?” He took the bag handles in his mouth, climbing out of the car after Siofra exited with Kit.

“Any reason why you entrusted the dog, lovely as he is, to carry your shit before me?” Alistair said.

“He's got more common sense.” Siofra replied. She carried Kit in her arms like knight holding a princess, not at all bothered by the weight.

“I could have carried Kit too. I’ve been carrying him since I could walk,” Alistair mumbled. It was actually only a slight exaggeration there.

Siofra shrugged. “He was already latched onto me. You can carry Finny if it makes ya feel better. They probably weigh about the same anyway.” She chuckled.

“I don’t want to disturb him. Look at the good job he’s doing,” Alistair said fondly.

Finny let out a muffled ruff, wagging his tail. Siofra just snickered.

“Should I tell Julie you're in love with my dog? I dunno how he'd feel about that sort'o threesome.”

“Gross! He’s used to me with dogs,” Alistair grumbled.

Siofra snorted so hard, Kit shifted in her arms. “Oh, so you can have a side fling with any bitch that suits ya?”

“That’s not what I meant! Didn’t they have that story at your high school, where the girl died from dog semen?”

“I mean, yeah, but nobody I knew was stupid enough to believe it.” Siofra rolled her eyes, shifting impatiently as she stood outside the  flat. Even carrying Kit, she had outpaced Alistair going up the stairs. “Unlock the door before I kick it down.”

“Hang on a fucking second,” Alistair said, hurrying along the corridor and spotting the key in the lock.

Siofra sauntered inside at once, dumping Kit on the couch to take her bags from Finny. “Oi! Julie! Wanna see some expensive shiny shit?”

Julius came in from the kitchen, peeling off rubber gloves. “Ooh, yes please!”

Siofra was dumping jewelry on the table like a pirate showing off booty, and Finny ran around Julius's legs, barking happily. Kit seemed less pleased, stirring and groaning on the couch. Julius grinned, ruffling Finny’s fur. “Hello, sweetie! This is a fine welcome.” Finny jumped up on his chest, tail swishing.

Kit rubbed his eyes, sitting up with a tired sigh. “What circle of hell did I end up in?”

“The usual one,” Alistair said. Julius couldn’t greet him - Finny jumping had knocked him onto his bottom, and he was giggling beneath a mass of fur.

Kit just drooped back down on the couch. “I'll give each of you fifty quid right now to make it a quieter circle of hell.”

“Finny, hush.” Siofra quickly put a hand over the dog's mouth. He licked her.

“He’s such a sweetheart,” Julius said, clambering to his feet. Finny barked appreciatively, nosing Julius's hand. When he was done fussing over the dog, Siofra dragged him to the table to show off the matching jewelry she and Kit had gathered, all rubies and rose gold. Normally, Kit would have joined them, but he was already dozing off again.

Julius was an ideal audience for this, examining each piece of jewellery in awe. He ran his fingers over the bracelet and necklace and tried on the rings. Siofra’s hung off his little fingers, but Kit’s fit quite snugly. Kit didn't have bracelets or necklaces, since they'd be hidden by a suit, but he'd found some intricate rose gold collar pins, as well as a myriad of earrings. Once they'd gone through all of those, Siofra pulled out the dress to show Julius.

He gasped. “Oooh! It’s just the right shape for you!”

“Took fuckin’ ages to find the right one.” She huffed, but she was grinning.

“It’s beautiful,” Julius said, feeling the smooth material and swishing the skirt. Siofra puffed up her chest.

“Gonna be fun to go to a real bougie party. I’ve never been a proper guest before, just a performer…”

“Did you burst out of a cake and belly dance?” Alistair snorted.

Siofra rolled her eyes. “No, but that might pay better. If you used your three brain cells, you'd remember I have a band.”

“Hm. Less fun. But seriously, I wouldn’t get excited. Our family parties consist of people with too much money wasting it on fancy liquors that they puke up within two hours. Though it’s fun to fuck with people you have dirt on.”

“What sort of dirt?” Siofra looked almost devilish as she grinned, leaning close like they were kids gossiping in school.

“Oh god, our family has some big-ass skeletons in the closet,” Alistair said. “You think me almost burning down my school was big? That was just like page twelve on the family newspaper. We’ve got bigamy, hidden children, secret abortions, affairs that were found out through the mutual sharing of STDs… I could go on.”

As horrified as she was, Siofra couldn’t stop grinning. “I kind of want you to.” Morbid curiosity was getting the better of her, and she couldn’t help wanting to know more.

“Let me find a good one… Oh, Great-Uncle Austin bought a studded diamond necklace for a quarter of a million just so he could strangle his mistress with it. She was pregnant and was going to reveal it to the family. He said he wanted to leave the diamond imprints on her neck so she’d be scarred forever with her greed.”

“He didn’t! You’re making this up, Star,” Julius said, horrified. He certainly hoped Alistair was making it up.

“I swear to god I’m not. That’s a favourite story to tell. He bought himself the best lawyer in the country and only got a seven year sentence for manslaughter. Don’t ask me how. You know how lawyers twist the case,” Alistair said.

“Jesus fuckin’ christ…” Siofra shook her head slowly. “Rich people are somethin’ else…”

Kit was stirring again on the couch, mumbling quietly in his sleep. Siofra turned to look at him. “Is there a pea in princess’s mattress?”

Alistair snorted. “Maybe there’s a disturbance in the force when I talk about our family.”

Siofra snickered as well. “If there was a force, your family would be the fuckin’ Sith lords.”

“The Sith are way too cool to be our family. All they do is sit and drink and...abuse their kids, it seems. And wives.”

“Charming bunch’o bastards.” Siofra muttered, “We could always poison the punch.”

“I expect Kit will be downing it, but I’m all for it if we can hold him back.”

Siofra snickered. “Temptin’, but I don’t think we can get our hands on that much poison by Monday.” She looked over into the living room when Kit let out a loud snore, and guffawed as he snorted and toppled right off the couch.

Alistair laughed too, going to haul him up. “Kit! Go to bed if you’re gonna sleep.”

The older boy groaned dramatically, holding his arms out for Alistair. “Carry me?”

Alistair rolled his eyes, but scooped Kit up into his arms without hesitation. Though Kit had put on a little weight with his new diet, Alistair still worried about how easily he could haul Kit around. This was his older cousin, two years his senior and a couple of inches taller - they should be around a similar weight at the very least.

Kit leaned against him at once, happy to leech off Alistair’s warmth. He kicked off his boots when dumped on the bed, and started to peel off all of his layers. After tossing both of his coats aside, he gave up, flopping onto the covers with his jumper still on. “Can I have my good blanket?”

“Yeah, of course. Shouldn’t you take your jumper off first? You’ll be roasting.”

“No I won’t. I’m cold.” Kit mumbled, climbing under the blanket as soon as Alistair plugged it in.

“Fine, whatever. Do you want me to stay with you?” Alistair asked.

Kit nodded, reaching his arms out of his blanket. “Please?”

Alistair grinned, clambering onto the bed and rewrapping the blanket around them both. He teased his cousin about it, but Alistair actually really liked it when Kit blatantly asked for his help like that. Few people had ever really needed Alistair in his life, and it felt good to know that Kit did want him around. Now that he was both warm and comfortable, it didn’t take Kit long to drift back off to sleep, snoring into Alistair’s chest. The younger boy was effectively pinned, boiling hot and uncomfortable, but he sat where he was for Kit. He knew he needed sleep.

Back in the living room, Siofra had commandeered Kit’s credit card so she could continue searching for shoes online. She and Julius were looking at Julius’s laptop, twenty different tabs with various shops open, and Finny sitting at their feet. It took over an hour of shopping, but they eventually found a stunning pair of red satin shoes with intricate rose gold heels (not “rose gold” fabric, but actual metal). Siofra quickly clicked on the listing, but nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw the price: ₤1550.

“Mary, mother’o whores! You could buy a beater car for that!” She yelled, nearly waking up Kit in the process.

Alistair couldn’t exactly yell out, so he sent Siofra a text: Keep your foghorn gob shut, Kit is sleeping.

I’ll shove my foghorn foot up your ass. Siofra messaged back, though she did quiet down, still staring at the screen in horror. “What the fuck…”

“Kit would buy those for you,” Julius said. “He’s always very generous. Sometimes he gets us takeaways without even asking. The good kind too, that comes in fancy packages instead of polystyrene.”

“I was gonna spend a couple hundred without feelin’ bad, but… shit. That’s a few months‘o rent.” Siofra sighed, tapping her nails on the sleek black credit card.

“His father does own an island though. And he’s not a very nice man. I wouldn’t lose too much sleep over spending his money.”

Siofra pursed her lips, nodding thoughtfully. “Good point. I’m done feelin’ bad.” She added the shoes to her cart and clicked on the checkout.

[thejokersenigma]

Loki Laufeyson x Reader - Cat’s Eyes - Part 5

Ok, I promised this last night, but I was tired and it was getting worse and worse, so I finished it this morning. It’s still not great, but my writing is a bit rusty at the moment - I think I need to make it a habit to write a whole series in one go so I don’t lose my characters rather than writing a part here and there mixed with other bits.

Anyway, sorry it’s not the best - as always, im literally making this series up as I go, so I apologise for that haha

Let me know if you want to be tagged in anything!

MAIN MASTERLIST

CAT’S EYES MASTERLIST

“I just - I just - ” Pepper glanced over at you as the two of you made your way down New York, deciding it better to walk than hail a cab – by the speed Pepper was striding it was clear she wanted to walk off some of her emotions. “I really can’t believe you.” She finally managed out again – repeating the same comment for the umpteenth time.

Once Pepper had stormed into the room, you had nothing to do but let it all out then – the hanging off the side of the tower, the time alone with Loki - “I can’t believe you were alone with him of all people!” She exclaimed hysterically, “Do – do you honestly have a death wish?!”

“It was just one of his illusions…” You muttered guiltily under your breath. You had decided best not to tell her that Loki had been on the balcony with you – dangling off the side of the tower was probably enough for her really – not need to stress her out over the fact a mass murder had been standing above you the whole time with no one else to be able stop him if he chose to attempt anything.

Despite your low volume murmur, Pepper heard the comment, now pausing in the middle of the street and turning to face you straight on in the middle of the busy pavement. “You really don’t understand, do you?!” She demanded frantically at you, throwing her arms up in exasperation. “Haven’t you ever stopped to consider what could go wrong?! Go so easily wrong?!” She exclaimed. “You know what?” She said shaking her head and waving her arms as though clearing everything that had been said, wiping her hands of it. “You’re grounded!” She declared simply before striding off again.

You looked after her retreating back in disbelief, your mouth open in disbelief at this. “W-wait!” You exclaimed, jogging after her. “Pepper! Please!” You protested in annoyance, “Come on! You can’t,” You whined, “I’m not a teenager anymore!”

Pepper stopped again at this, letting out a short sigh of exhaustion. “No, you’re not.” She agreed, eyeing you sternly, “And I’m not your mother either.” She admitted, “But. I can ban you from that tower.” She pointed back down the street without looking to where the Avengers Tower still loomed behind you. She saw the look on your face as you glanced back at where the tall glass building towered. “I’m just trying to keep you safe.” She insisted, her voice softening slightly, and you glanced back at her, able to see the worry in her face now her anger had dissipated. You did feel bad, you forgot that what you did didn’t only affect you anymore – that people cared.

“But,” Pepper’s face clouded over sternly again, though there was something less dangerous in it now, “– if you still manage to find trouble elsewhere I will not hesitate to ground your adult ass.”

You smirked weakly at your aunt, “Noted.” You murmured, ducking your head.

“Good.” Pepper nodded, still trying to sound firm, then her frown collapse and she smirked back at you. “Now. Come on - I can’t be bothered to cook tonight,” She flung her arm around your shoulder, “– you want Chinese?” She asked.

You nodded weakly, “Sounds good.” You murmured gratefully, glad the air between you had largely been cleared, letting her steer you towards home.

 “So, this is where the genius works, hmm?”

You spun around in your desk chair to face your bedroom doorway where Tony Stark had seemingly materialised. “Tony.” You greeted, frowning in confusion, “What are you…”

“You hacked my system.” Tony said as if, somehow, this was a way of an explanation.

“Didn’t Pepper already make me apologise for that?” You muttered, spinning round in your chair to face your desk again, just wanting to put the whole situation behind you.

“I’m not looking for an apology…” Tony explained, now striding casually into the room, absentmindedly picking up a cat toy which sat on your bedside table near the door. “I’m looking for an employee.” He admitted down at the stuffed mouse, twirling the small creature between his fingers.

“What?” You frowned, pausing in your work and pushing your self quickly around in your chair to face him again.

“I want you to come work for me.” Tony said quickly, now tossing the toy carelessly onto the bed where it bounced and rolled before Kali suddenly leapt up from the other side of the mattress, landing on it and pinning it under her feet. You watched Kali roll onto her back, the material of the mouse catching on her claws as she pawed at it above her. “Well - for the Avengers.” He corrected, swaying his head uncaring at the technicality.

“Uh – doing what, exactly…?” You asked uncertainly.

Tony perched on the edge of your duvet, his back to kali who happily entertained herself, occasionally letting out a meow at the mouse. “I want you to do what you did.” He said simply.

You furrowed your brow at him in confusion, “Aren’t you more than capable of doing that?”

“That’s beside the point -” Stark tried to argue.

“Tony." You sighed, shaking you’re head, “You – you had one crack – one –“ You insisted, “in your security! You even knew it was there – “

“True.” He interrupted, pointing a finger at you, “And I could do it.” He confirmed with a nod. “But, see, I‘m more of a detail man,” He explained, gesturing at his chest, “Whilst you,” He gestured both his hands towards you now, “You, seem to have a knack for spotting loop holes.” He observed.

“It was one time –“ You continued to protest, shaking your head anxiously.

“MIT?” Tony questioned with a raised brow, standing up, “SHIELD?” He questioned, stepping towards you with wide eyes. “Oh yeah, kid,” He scoffed, “I know all about that one.”

You ducked your head, biting your lip. You shouldn’t be surprised really – Tony probably hacked them as well – hell you’d seen some of his viruses at work when you’d been breaking into their databases. “Please tell me you didn’t tell Pepper about them?” You muttered at your lap, praying. It wasn’t for your sake - you didn’t really care about another lecture from her - but you honestly didn’t want to stress your aunt out anymore than you already had. Especially not when the dust had barely settled on the last trouble you’d caused.

Tony’s face softened slightly, seeing the worry on your face. “I haven’t said a word and I don’t plan to.” He informed you. “But I want you to work for me.”

“I’m grounded.” You gestured around the room. It wasn’t strictly true, but you were definitely banned from the tower and you decided it was probably best if you tried to confine yourself to the apartment for a bit to show Pepper you were serious when you said you were sorry.

“You’re an adult woman.” Tony reminded you shamelessly. “Plus,” He slipped a hand into his jacket pocket, pulling out a USB stick which he held in the air. “Pepper doesn’t need to know.” He smirked.

“And that’s…?” You murmured, eyes on the stick.

“Something to warm ya up.” Tony tossed it to you and you caught it easily. “I want it back in an hour. Tops.” He informed you, turning for the door. “‘Else you’re off the team.” He called back lightly.

“Wait - what?” You asked in surprise.

“I believe in ya, kid.” Was all he called back in response and all you could do was just scowl at your empty doorway, glancing down at the little device in your hand.

 You walked the corridors of the tower openly and without a care, despite the niggling feeling int eh back of your mind telling you to at least be more discrete.

What did you care, though? You might be banned from the Avenger’s Tower, but Kali certainly wasn’t.

You turned down one of the many corridors. The problem with this form, though, was your inability to access certain parts of the building: you couldn’t use the stairwell thanks to the fire doors being too heavy, and even the elevator was a struggle, it being quite a stretch – literally – to reach the buttons to call the lift, then even more so to choose the correct floor.

The breeze from nearby ajar window ruffled your fur and accentuated the swing of the USB device tied to your collar as you turned yet again, knowing the elevator you required was at the end of a couple more corridors. That breeze, however, also brought a scent along with it besides the usual cut grass and fumes of New York, a familiar, sweet, almost minty scent. You couldn’t place it straight away until you froze as a figure suddenly appeared at the opposite side of the long hallway and he, in turn, faltered slightly at spotting you. Loki raised his eyebrows at you, surprised and questioning his discovery of you whilst he’d seemingly just been wandering, bored and lost in thought, around the floors of the tower.

You suddenly remember that scent – the same one from about a week ago when you’d been tracking it down one of the tower’s corridors – the scent that had led you to Loki’s door.

You had a strong urge to turn on your heels and run in the opposite direction, but something inside you bit this down, and instead you found yourself sashaying playfully towards where Loki stood, flicking your tail in interest. Loki watched, slightly bemused, as you wandered towards him, letting out a meow you’d never meant to release. You were feeling something you’d never felt before. Like you were losing control – like Kali was… like she was fighting you. All you could do was watch, as though from afar, as Kali now butted against the god’s legs, winding her way around his calves affectionately. You could feel the purr vibrating in your chest.

You were going to have to have words with this cat again, you thought, scowling inwardly at Kali’s behaviour. You might have pulled any shred of control you had of her then, return to your own body, but you still had a job to do and Stark’s timer was running out.

If you’d had much influence on Kali, she might have jumped when you felt the pressure on her back, but instead a louder purr escaped you and, when you glanced up, you found Loki had bent slightly at his knees to now run his hand gently along your back.

A few more repeated motions like that and – you couldn’t deny it - Kali was right to purr, the sensation so nice you couldn’t help but give into the instinct to arch your back into his hand, stretching your neck up in pleasure.

You shouldn’t enjoy this – this was a man – a god! – that had ridiculed you on first meeting him, that had called you irresponsible, often referred to you as a pathetic Midgardian, not the least he was a villain to Earth –

“So, you enjoy this?” You startled slightly at the voice and froze for a moment, making Loki’s hand pause against your back at how rigid you’d suddenly. You tried to relax. He was talking to Kali - not you. He didn’t know it was you. You continued to try to reassure yourself and slow your racing heart, now actually letting Kali take control. She knew what she was doing and immediately began rubbing against Loki’s paused fingers, meowing impatiently for his attention to continue.  

Loki began to stroke her again, though more cautiously now as though worried of scaring you, you purred to encourage him that it was all fine and Kali now turned, sitting back on her haunches and now stretching up Loki’s thighs in a request you knew well.

“Has that \\   girl lost you again?” Loki muttered again and, had you been in control, you might have bristled at this comment. Loki’s eyes now flickered to the surrounding corridors, briefly scanning both ways before he crouched down, and Kali made the most of this, lithely jumping up onto his folded legs, then onto his shoulder as though this was all a regular thing to do.

Loki straightened up, rather unperturbed by this apparent ‘alien’ creature now perching on his shoulder. He reached up casually to scratch behind Kali’s ear, just where she liked it, and she purred in delight. The USB stick at Kali’s throat swung with her movements and seemed to catch the corner of Loki’s eye because he paused again, turning more towards where she sat.

His fingers easily managed to catch the device, now able to read the Stark Industries stamp engraved into the metal and he raised an eyebrow at this. “So, she’s working for Stark and hacking his system…” Loki’s eyes flashed up to Kali’s where she watched him expectantly. “You do have a most interesting companion…” He murmured to Kali who meowed as though in agreement.

He let the USB go, and you were surprised he wasn’t tempted to steal it – though did Asgardians know how to work an Earth computer? “And here I was thinking Midgardian’s were boring…” Loki mused, now turning his head away his mind lost in thought. Kali meowed once again, as though she too, agreed with this statement. “I must confess, I am surprised though,” Loki muttered, continuing to confide in the cat and your ears perked up, “My impression of the girl was one of independence. Employment by the Tin man’s cooperation didn’t seem to suit her…”

This took you by surprise – first that Loki had thought about you enough to make this assumption – secondly that he, in fact, right.

You weren’t a sell-out in any sense - always preferring free-lance work, being your own boss, and never managing long in any large cooperation jobs you had tried when in desperate need for money. People had always joked you had to be a cat person because you were so self-sufficient and rarely found yourself tied down to anything.

Loki began to walk now, Kali still happily perched above him, back the way he had come, apparently happy to escort her some of the way to her destination. You could only watch as the two walked – well Loki walked – in companionable silence and in complete ease of one another. It certainly making the journey faster and easier for you – no longer requiring such effort on your behalf to use the elevator or stairs, or even slipping through the occasional fire door that separated the corridors – but the journey also left you with a lot of questions. When had Kali and Loki become so friendly? You’d only been in New York a couple of weeks. He’s seemed disgusted and cautious of her on your first meeting, then simply curious about the cat when he found her on the balcony with you.

Loki paused behind one of the heavy fire doors that led to the main lab part of the tower where Tony so often spent his hours. Without needing to be told, Kali dropped from his shoulder to land lightly on the floor next to him, watching the door, her tail held high, the end flicking above her. She meowed as Loki pushed the door open for her to slip through, in an almost parting remark. You thought you caught his lip twitch, but Kali was already padding down the corridor.

 Your room swam into view in front of you now and the tell-tale ache pounded between your eyes as a punishment for just how much time you’d spent with Kali. You’d left her to make her own way back home after delivering the USB stick – knowing she was more than capable and also knowing you weren’t sure how much longer you could have kept the connection. You dropped your head onto the desk in front of your, the cool, treated wood nice against your flushed skin.

You had been so bored you’d walked Kali all the way to the Tower as well as up it, and now you were paying the price. You screwed your eyes shut against the pain in your forehead and in an attempt to get some moisture back into your dry eyes.

Stark wasn’t likely to turn down your offer. Before returning his USB to him, you had snuck into an empty office and created a – rather crude thanks to your form at the time – note for Kali to drop on his lap.

You’d turned down the job.

You weren’t sure whether to thank Loki or curse him for making you remember yourself and your principles. It wasn’t that you had refused the work though, you were more than happy to help Tony and the rest of the Avengers – how could you possibly turn that down?! – But you weren’t going to be an employee. You weren’t another brick in the Tower’s walls.

You lifted your head enough to place your folded arms under your forehead as a cushion and sighed heavily. What were you doing? One day you were going to have to take a serious job or else you’d be living off your aunt forever. She didn’t seem to mind of course, and it wasn’t like she was lacking for money, but you didn’t like having to rely on Pepper to survive. Maybe it was time you stopped offering your services for free, had to start turning down the people that couldn’t afford you. No. That wasn’t you. You couldn’t turn away someone in need.

The only thing left then, though, was for you to get yourself a well-paying job in a huge heartless company – something that gave you enough money to cover all the unpaid work you did – become your own charity. But what if you lost yourself then? Stopped caring? What if –

A throat was suddenly cleared behind and you shot up in surprise, your head throbbing painfully in protest. You turned sharply only to see Loki now stood in front of your closed bedroom door, holding Kali up the scruff of her neck in one hand. “Didn’t I warn you about misplacing this?”

 Tags for Everything: @jemjem-chan @angelicshinigami @white-chocolate-mocha-fan@arkhamsurviour @sheldonsherlocktony@thatwriterizzy @nerdybirdyfiz @beautifulbows924

Tags for Loki: @lexiiiii28 @imagine-that-100 @hakuoyuki @frostymoon11 @vanyali07 @ernesto-deserved-it @drakesfiance @spider-piggyxo

Tags for Cat’s Eyes: @ruffdog921 @leleleish @marvelfan-18 @cassiopeia-barrow @markusstraya @lillyrosegirl @sydthekid1518

[writeyouin]

Hello I was wondering if you could do a tadashi (bh6) x nurse reader fic (or oneshot) and/or a V (V for vendetta) x nurse reader. Merci :)

Tadashi X Reader – Medical Student

A/N – Originally, I had a plot as to why the other students disliked the reader, but I decided not to put it in because this is like… 6 pages long.

Warnings – Minor Swearing.

Rating – T

Tadashi glanced at the first schematics for Baymax. He now had the designs for the skeleton and the data chip that would contain the medical protocols and procedures. Excited to start changing the world, Tadashi begun work on the database that would go on the chip. The work carried on into the night, but he was finally ready to upload it onto the drive.

An error message appeared on the holographic computer screen only six percent into the data transfer. Tadashi frowned tiredly, he’d been ready to finish for the night, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop until he found the source of the problem.

After numerous diagnostics and scans ran on the computer that consumed further hours, Tadashi still hadn’t found a solution.

“Burning the midnight oil, Mr Hamada?” Professor Callaghan entered the lab.

“As always,” Tadashi answered amiably.

Callaghan glanced at the computer screen where the error message stubbornly remained. “It seems that you’ve ran into some programming trouble. May I?”

“Sure,” Tadashi moves aside, letting Callaghan sit at the desk.

Callaghan examined the extensive database, tapping idly at some keys to highlight the problem on screen. “Well Mr Hamada, it’s apparent that the base program on the chip can’t contain the database you’re trying to download because of conflicting information. Take a look at this for example, one treatment for infections is antibacterial spray, another older method suggests leeches. The program doesn’t know which to prioritise. My suggestion is to come back tomorrow and visit the medical students after classes. Try to get their professor’s permission to work with one of the students; maybe they can organise your database.”

“Thanks professor.”

Callaghan nodded and the two walked out together.

Tadashi roamed the halls of the medical building. Although it was much smaller than the tech building he worked in, he’d still managed to get lost.

“Young man!” A squat Korean lady said sternly with her hands on her hips. “As head of the medical department I make it my business to know all the medical students, you are not one of them and have no business being here.”

Professor Callaghan had forewarned Tadashi of Doctor Kirkbride for she was apparently a tough lady to impress.

“Excuse me Doctor Kirkbride, I’m Tadashi Hamada, a technology student and-”

“And you’re making me late for class. Walk and talk, hurry now.”

Tadashi kept up with the brisk pace set by Doctor Kirkbride, explaining his plight all the while. By the time they reached the auditorium Kirkbride stopped Tadashi, “You want one of my students, fine, but if you get in the way of their education, we’ll be using you in class instead of Mr Cadaver. Got it?”

Tadashi nodded nervously.

“Good. You’ll have to find a volunteer yourself. Good luck getting a partner with exams coming up.”

She opened the door, exuding power and silencing the congregation of students talking outside of their designated work areas.

“Class,” she boomed, “This is Tadashi Hamada, one of the technology students. He needs help compiling a medical database for his project. Is anyone willing to volunteer?”

Everyone avoided his gaze.

“No? Then get to your work stations and follow the instructions there. Mr Hamada, you’ll have to present your case yourself.”

Doctor Kirkbride left him alone. He looked around the room uncertainly. Everyone was in a group of three at a work station that had an outdated whiteboard with instructions and dummy patients which seemed to have seen better days; evidently the medical building didn’t get as much funding as the rest of the university.

With his friendliest smile, Tadashi approached the first group with the identical twins Iroh and Kyo as well as a girl named Ivy.

“Hey,” he started confidently, “would you-”

“Busy,” the twins pushed past him, inserting a catheter and IV into the dummy.

He looked to Ivy, “Exams,” she deadpanned, ignoring him.

Tadashi refused to be disappointed, moving onto the next group, then the one after that and the one after that; nobody gave him the time of day. Finally, he got to the last table which had the only person not working in a group; you.

With low expectations he spoke, “Hi, I’m-”

You held up a hand, “Tadashi, yeah. You’re awfully persistent for somebody rejected by twenty-four people. Don’t you get it? Nobody wants to work with you.”

Tadashi slumped slightly, “Yeah, I know, exams.”

“Seriously? You believe that crap? That’s not why they won’t work with you.”

“Then why?”

“‘Cos, you tech types are all the same. You waltz in here, take a procedure that was perfectly fine in the first place and make a make a machine that does it. We’re all afraid that whatever you’re building will make us obsolete before we’ve even finished training.”

Tadashi frowned, his mouth slightly agape, “I never really thought of it that way… I don’t want to make anyone obsolete, I’m just trying to help people.”

You leaned against the operating table, interested in the flurry of emotions showing in Tadashi’s eyes. Before, he had the same hope you had every day on your way to becoming a doctor, now he was displaying a complex mix of sadness, confusion, and guilt.

“Your project,” you said, “how many will it help?”

“When it’s done? Millions.”

You rolled your eyes to the ceiling, muttering, “This better not affect my grades.” Then to Tadashi, “Fine, I’m (Y/N) and I guess I can sort your database.”

Tadashi shook with excitement, making you giggle with his impromptu dance. “Thank you, I promise you won’t regret this.”

“OY!” A red-haired student in the group next to yours called. “You workin’ with ‘im?”

“Yeah,” you answered nonchalantly.

“Fuckin’ sell-out.”

Tadashi deflated, watching you apologetically, “I-”

You shook your head at him, “If you dare apologise I’ll quit.”

“But if this makes you unpopular-”

“Ha! I’m working on my own in a group assignment, you don’t get more unpopular than that. See, you’re already taking credit for what I did all on my own. Give it a week and see if you still want to work with me. Now get out, I finish in an hour, meet me outside then and I’ll see what I’m working with.”

You threw your arms up angrily, reading over the database, “What the hell is this? The sources are totally uncredible, it’s disorganised, it’s… is that a Wikipedia page? Good lord, it is. And on top of all this you want me to write up treatments for everything? EVERYTHING? You’re insane, this is impossible.”

Tadashi got down on his knees, holding his hands together and begging you with huge puppy eyes, “Not even for me?”

You grabbed his cap from the desk, shoving it in his face and pushing him over with the force.

“Huh, a wild (Y/N) attacks when angered,” Tadashi reported, leaning up from the floor.

You struggled to suppress a smile, “Like a viper.”

“Pray tell crazy viper person, how can I get you to do this?”

“Inject caffeine into my blood stream until this is all over.”

“I think I can make that work.”

“Then we better get started, come on puppy dog, coffee, chop chop.”

Tadashi got up and saluted, “Yes Captain.”

You grinned as he left; perhaps working with him wouldn’t be as much of an irritant as you supposed.

Writing treatments to every ailment you could think of was excruciatingly slow work. Two months in and you’d barely made a dent. Yet the work wasn’t as unpleasant as you’d initially thought; your grades had improved considerably and working with Tadashi proved to be fun. He’d told you many of the misadventures of his little brother Hiro, and of his Aunt Cass who owned a café uptown somewhere.

While you enjoyed Tadashi’s company, he felt a lot more strongly towards you. He adored your grumpy humour and the way you were willing to work with him in the face of adversity from your classmates who had since ignored you completely. More than that, he loved that you genuinely wanted to help people even though you didn’t know what he was building. He’d told his family a little of you but kept details light and fleeting, unable to trust himself to speak without revealing too many of his own confused thoughts.

One night, after he’d stayed alone at the university to draw-up further plans for Baymax, he arrived back home to a surprise. You were sat in the café with a notepad and a medical journal. He’d never told you which café he lived at, but coincidence had brought you there. Never before had he cared about looking cool in front of you but before he knew when and where you were going to meet. Suddenly something was different, it may have been the concentrated frown you wore or that you practically glowed under the café’s dim lighting, but he definitely felt something towards you.

Ignoring the onslaught of nerves, he entered, dropping casually into the seat opposite yours in the cosy booth, “You know, café’s are supposed to be for relaxing.”

“’Dashi!” You dropped the book with a surprise then smiled. “What’re you doing here?”

“Oh, I know the owner.”

As if on cue, Cass dropped by to see her nephew, “Tadashi, you’re home,” she said warmly.

“Hi Aunt Cass,” he got up to hug her.

Cass spotted you, “And you have a friend.”

“I’m (Y/N),” You got up to shake her hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Tadashi has told me so much about you.”

Tadashi blushed behind you, smiling affectionately at the friendly manner in which you regarded Cass.

Cass hummed knowingly, “Really? He has? Well that’s great. (Y/N), how about you join us for dinner?”

Tadashi swallowed apprehensively, he desperately wanted you to say yes and meet his family officially.

“Are you sure I wouldn’t be intruding?”

“Intruding? Of course not. Tadashi, take (Y/N) upstairs while I close up, oh I am so excited.”

She bounced on the spot and you realised exactly where Tadashi got his own little happy dance from; it had a heart-warming effect, comforting you in an unexpected way.

Over dinner, Cass learnt everything she could about you, leaving no question unasked. Hiro meanwhile, took an interest in you when you asked about the bot he was holding; he used the opportunity to show off until Tadashi started making fun of him for it. Although the family was a small one, the love was overwhelming. Cass clearly adored her two nephews; they were like three pieces of a jigsaw, different shapes but they fit together well. Alas, time flew, and it was time for you to head home yourself.

“It’s been wonderful meeting you,” You beamed at Aunt Cass, sticking your hand out.

Cass ignored the hand, hugging you tightly, “Come back soon.” When she let you go she asked, “How far is the walk home?”

“About forty minutes from here.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you?”

“It’s alright, Tadashi already volunteered for that, he’s taking me back on his moped.”

“Right, drive safe Tadashi, and call me when you get there.”

Tadashi wrapped his arm around you, forgetting himself for a moment but staying when you didn’t protest, “Don’t worry Aunt Cass, we’ll be fine.”

With Cass calling goodbyes, Tadashi led you to the garage and his moped. He threw you a helmet which you caught with ease.

“And with a catch like that, (L/N)’s ready for the rugby team, (s)he could go all the way,” Tadashi cheered.

“And with a throw like that, Tadashi is ready to go back to summer camp, so he can learn from people with actual talent.”

He held his heart, mimicking pain, “It’s a low blow that brings pain with it, and after I was being nice to you.”

“Well yeah but you have to be nice to me because I’m doing your work for you, lazy boy.”

“A second low blow with a staggering effect. I can’t simply like you?”

You grinned, dancing towards him with a singsong voice, “You like me, you love me, you want to hug me.”

Tadashi tried to laugh but with each line you came a little bit closer, mocking him further, “You want to kiss me, you want to marry me…”

You trailed off, suddenly aware of the lack of laughter. At some point, the atmosphere had become heavy with unspoken thoughts on Tadashi’s behalf.

You frowned uncertainly, “Tadashi? What’s wrong?”

“I uh… You’re really great with my family,” he murmured. “Actually, you’re really great altogether.”

“I don’t… I don’t understand.”

Tadashi leaned forward, brushing his lips lightly against your cheek. Your heart raced; everything had been so normal only minutes ago but now things were different, evolved somehow.

He pulled away, not daring to ask if you felt the same way about him, “That’s enough for tonight, come on, I’ll take you home.”

He got on the moped. Although you had a million questions for him, time seemed to stop when you sat behind him and held onto him tightly. He was right, for now it was enough.

[amuelle]

“The train doesn’t stop twice” (J. Mourinho).

The train doesn’t stop twice….just long enough for you to decide if you want to get on. Life, is a series of trips on different trains. Every station a different place in your journey. The next train never heading to the same place as the last train, just trains at the station going to where they are going….

After ignoring all the red flags and convincing myself that some of my non-negotiables were irrational and unfair. I boarded the train. For a year and a few months I would try to convince myself that my relationship with Chocolate Daddy wasn’t one sided. It didn’t start that way. He meant well. His heart was in the right place. I was just starting to resent him for things that I had made comfortable for him. I hadn’t meant for him to get comfortable but now that he was and I couldn’t help myself. I resented him. It didn’t feel right that he was comfortable enough not to try. He knew what he needed to do but he could also comfortably say “Amo will understand”. I had understood and been understanding all along. The ride had lasted long enough, as the train pulled into the station I decided that my life should change in a split second. With the luggage I had amassed on the journey I stood on the platform watching the train leave. I had had enough and decided that I wouldn’t pass another station.

I began to check my luggage. I checked that every single piece of me made it off the train. I wanted to be sure that the things I had before I started the journey and the things I amassed along the journey were together in one place. Most people don’t check their luggage at the station but in my case the station was the last place I wanted to have anything that reminded me of him. I wanted to leave it all right here. Perhaps I’d keep a memory or two in my heart but mostly I wanted a reminder that I’m not crazy, I just want to be loved.

THE PROCESS OF UNPACKING!!!!

The first mistake! I met him when I was on a personal high and thought I had to share it.

I had spent all of 2019 pouring into myself. I fed myself like a goddess, drank from the challis of life and loved every moment. I was a whirl wind of Cartier perfume, faux gold accessories that was never in the same place twice. It was amazing and when I first met him it felt magical. However, magic has never been practical. I would spend most of the time in our relationship apologising for the life I had created because it was so vastly different from his. It felt like love and love compromises….right? I took something that had taken me a whole year to create and tried to share it with someone, turned out to be the wrong someone.

The second mistake! I tried to forgive something that was a deal breaker for me.

Vivid in my mind like the day I heard Agape for the first time by Nichols Britell (from the soundtrack for If Beal Street Could talk). This day is imprinted on my soul. It’s unforgettable. (LISTEN- I WILL NEVER FORGET)

We were laying in bed when the window flew open, it was the sound of breaking glass and a shrill voice cussing that woke me. He jumped out of bed and said he would be back. For the next five minutes an argument ensued. She kept asking if “she” was the reason and he kept repeating that it was over and asking what she was doing there. Only when she came back to the window to find me paralysed in confusion covered in a duvet did things become absolutely clear. “She” was me and she had been the reason Chocolate Daddy had stopped seeing her. He pulled her away from the window but not before she called me a little whore and promised to find me and kill me. I got dressed. When he came back a heated argument that ended in me having a panic attack began. The crux of it being that yes he had a relationship with her while he was with me and that these were the difficulties people endured in relationships. “Other people” I thought. “These are things that other people go through Amohelang, not you. No. This is not on brand for you.” But what did inner me know? She was a girl who was still trying to reconcile being called a little whore and betrayal had stolen her voice.

I remember him wanting to talk about how he cut his finger, how the window was broken, how embarrassed he was this happened in front of his neighbors but not for a second did he want to talk about how it made me feel and still...I stayed. Not because I loved him but because I wanted someone to be angry at. Someone to punish and abuse emotionally and boy did I ever…

The third but not final mistake! I stayed when I wasn’t in love anymore.

After the “incident” a variety of things happened. One of which was at a Christmas braai with my family. My aunts asked me if he were to propose tomorrow what I would say. I was dumb enough to be honest. I told them I would say no because he wasn’t where he needed to be in his life to be with ME. My aunts laughed and told me to stop wasting his time if I didn’t see a future. What I didn’t say was that for all the time we had been together I still felt on the outside of his life. We were strangers. I was the sea side resort he visited when his life in the city was too much. No gift giving, money lending, compromising or rationalising could change the fact that I had no idea who he truly was. We, were a “we” but more for me than him. What I also couldn’t say was that I had caught him cheating and I didn’t trust him. I had gone through his phone, found messages and confronted him about it. It didn’t matter, I was playing myself and he now knew how to play me too. I was in this relationship as a selfish exercise of masochism. I couldn’t say what it really was. The more of him I got to see the less I liked and the more I fell out of love.

The build up to break up….

As a firm believer in advice from the right people. I am sure I put the wise women in my circle through an ordeal from the time I decided I’d start the break up process. I was trying to love but there was no love left. And so, love less and frustrated my wise women soothed my heart and spent the better part of three months telling me that nothing, not a job, a pair of shoes or a man should be this difficult to love. It was the day I had filled my weekend with plans that remind me and everyone in the house of a version of myself I hadn’t been in a while. I came out of my room. Dolled up after two hours of makeup. My sister cupped my cheeks, looked in my eyes and said “ You do you, so well”. On the day of my 34th birthday I decided I was done. When he gave a half-hearted happy birthday and the next day followed it up with an expectation that I would be understanding as to why for two birthdays he had disappointed me. I had nothing left to give. I understood only one thing and that was this relationship was over, it had been over but I wasn’t tired of suffering then but now I was. I turned into more of a stranger to him. I told him I had accepted that our relationship was over and he should do the same. He didn’t argue, just accepted it without a fight. I was disappointed mostly in myself for thinking for a second that after all this time not trying he would try now. I thanked him for freeing me and that was the last time we spoke.

What I can say in retrospect….

I keep thinking if I had listened to him more I would have heard him say over and over “Im not ready to be in a relationship”. I should have believed him but he kept pretending to want it so bad that eventually he was the man in my life and we were in a relationship. Even if the foundation was made of sand it was nice to look at but it would never stand against a gust of wind or a rainy day. It’s a role he filled very well, or perhaps it was easy for him to fill because my cup was never empty. Our lives never intertwined such that I was inconvenienced by his presence. I was okay without him because he had taught me how to live without him for so long. After a while I was happier without him but still maintained we were together when we really weren’t. Confusing, yes. I was very confused at the time.

I had lost parts of myself and it was my fault. I convinced myself that loving him had to come with sacrifice, partially because every time I was ready to end it, he made it seem as if I was leaving him stranded and if I loved him I’d be more patient. Had I just done my due diligence, a true deep dive of who he was as a person I would have known he wasn’t ready and not even the one to pass time with but you learn these things along the way right? WRONG!!! I just learnt it for you, so do be me, do your due diligence!!! Before you are all in get to know the good the bad and ugly about a person. You are too old to figure it out later.

Something that I have also realized is that once you want to hold back and you have legitimate reasons to besides meeting him two weeks ago then something is really wrong. When its really right, you won’t want to hold back because what you give is multiplied and returned. You are not designed just to give love, you are designed to also receive it. So before you are there selling yourself short ask yourself the simple question if this person has invested enough love in you to warrant whatever you are giving….if not…well, I suggest you stop playing yourself.

Let’s go back to the train analogy. So now the luggage has been unpacked and I intended to leave it at the station. I’ve taken the escalator up to street level picking up a pair of sunglasses and a scarf for my hair in the gift shop. Now shrouded, standing on the street, the train station behind me I’ve decided that at this new point in my life. I will try something new. I will explore, taste things and spit them out if they don’t agree with me. Everything is new again, the relief of leaving a bad lover is a comfort I can’t explain. I’m no expert and I can only share my personal experiences but one thing I know for sure, I’m done taking trains. I’m on to yachts now….

Bisou…bisou

[spellyjane]

Ironman Cozumel - a day of “nearlies”

It is always good to wait for a few days after an Ironman to write up a race report. I never quite trust my sanity until I have processed the race day caffeine, eaten solid food, had a good sleep and dealt with my post race laundry.  

I had originally signed up for Ironman Cozumel as redemption for my frustrating 1st Ironman in Arizona last year. But it just felt too far away and I decided to squeeze in 2 more Ironman and 3 more 70.3 races as well. Yeah, nuts. So I arrived in Cozumel feeling a little wary. I  was carrying great fitness but I was feeling mentally DONE with all the intensity. The pain of that Kona course was still fresh enough in my mind to make me even wonder if I really wanted to do it again. I wondered how much I could make myself hurt for a Kona slot or a PR or a podium.

I fell in with a fun bunch of Colorado based athletes at my hotel and was really thankful for their company, it was great to share the race weekend with them. I will be keen to catch up when our family relocates to Denver in January.

Did you read my Kona race report? Remember that nasty Aunt Flo who decided to turn up the day before the race? Well can you believe she did it again? Seriously, this needs some investigating, this has happened (unscheduled) the day before 3 races this year. It is not a disaster but it does add a little more anxiety and more time consuming pit stops. Anyway, moving on.

The course layout at Cozumel makes for a busy race morning. Swim start, T1 and T2 are all in different locations. I got myself to the swim start with enough time to squeeze my way up to the fast kids corral, take a few deep breaths, throw down the 1st of 11 Gu packets and go!

I loved that swim. I got onto the pier and dived, yay, I can't remember the last time I was allowed to dive into a swim start. I took off hard. I was wary of being complacent in the current assisted conditions. I settled in, I did get tangled up with other swimmers a couple of times but for the most part just put my head down and worked hard. I was a little bummed that the course was short. I measured it to be 3463m, 350m short! That combined with the current and my more than usual aggressive intensity gave me a ridiculous 13 min PR at 53:21.

I tore through T1 with no complications, glad I chose to clip my shoes on my bike so I could put some speed into my run.

I was out on the bike course in under and hour and I was excited! I thought, right, let's not waste that massive swim PR, let's turn this into a race PR. The swim had not left me feeling as fatigued as usual and I was right on top of my target watts right from the start. (I had struggled with this in my last 2 IMs.) I had ridden 1 loop of the 3 loop course on a rental scooter before the race so knew what to expect. The smooth, flat, straight roads were a TT queen’s dream! (Yeah, I am calling myself a TT queen.) The wind was not as dramatic as I was expecting and even when it was, I just reminded myself that everyone was feeling the same and I just stayed tucked in aero and held my watts. I must say, it was all going quite well, I was right on target for a 5:15 bike, I had made the left hand turn and was about 15km from the bike finish and was crunching numbers in my head and thinking come on girl, you could totally go sub 10 hours when I heard that dreaded “pop - phshhhhh!” Oh dang, back wheel puncture, I shifted into my small ring, jumped off and started getting the puncture sorted. I had pulled out my old tube and was reaching for my new tube when the Ironman bike mechanic arrived, we worked together to get the job done quicker. When we discovered the 3-4mm tear in the tyre we both groaned. Oh crikey, I did not have anything to seal the hole! The mechanic grabbed my old tube, hacked a piece off and shoved it between the new tube and the tear and began inflating the tyre. I wonder if I would have thought of that? Even if I did, I would have struggled to cut a piece with no scissors. He pumped it up to 80psi and I could see the old tube starting to show through the tear and I nearly died, eek! “Stop!” I panicked, but he said, “no, a little more.” He got to 90psi and seemed satisfied. We got my wheel back on and I grabbed his hand and with a squeeze, gushed my most heart felt “Gracias!”

I took off, feeling relieved and terrified. My race was not over and even with a 5 min stop, I was still on target for a very reasonable bike split. However, with just 2 thin pieces of latex between the road and my inner tube, I was terrified that I would not make it to the finish without another puncture.

Well, it worked, I made it to the bike catcher and passed my bike (and a shit ton of anxiety,) right over to him at a time of 5:18:47,  with my watts and IF right on point.

T2 was uncomplicated and I was on my way. I had set myself up for a sub 10hr if I could pull off a good run. Even at that stage I still was not sure what my body was going to let me do. I have struggled with dodgy guts in a couple of Ironman runs and I was not sure if this was going to hit me again, I was feeling as good as I have ever felt as I took off so I just focused on keeping tidy, holding good form and pace.

The 3 loop, out and back course was pretty flat, had some shade and a noticeable tail wind coming back into town each time. So, 7km out and 7km back 3 times. Easy peasy. (Haha, the silly things I say to myself in races.) Sebastian Keinle passed me on his last loop as I was hitting the 4km point, he looked like he was doing it easy and so was I at that point, he must have passed me thinking “Whoa, that age grouper is looking so tidy, I hope I can run like that when I am her her age!” So you can imagine he was super keen to pose for a selfie when he saw me at the award ceremony!

There were only a few other girls out on the course at that point and I began to wonder who they were and what my position was. I had stalked my age group competition prior to the race and will be honest, I was not expecting anyone to be ahead of me given the race I had had so far. So when a spectator friend told me,I was in 3rd place as I hit the 2nd loop I was really bummed. I wondered who they could be, every one I saw on the out and back looked either younger or pro and no one seemed to be looking particularly uncomfortable. I worked really hard to push those thoughts out and told myself that I was having a killer race. I reminded myself that I could only control my own performance and that I was doing a good job of it right now. That being said, I began to slow down a little, I was getting tired. I stopped for the loo just before the 21k turn around. I made that turn and could see the 10hr race slipping away, it was a tough loop that one. I was looking at every girl on the other side of the road and thinking that they looked amazing and that I did not look like I was holding it together etc, my mind was being really mean to me. My new Colorado friends cheered me on as I made the turn for the last loop. I remembered all the races where I have picked up places in the closing stages. I kept that front and centre and just kept trying to look the part. As I made my last turn at the 35km point I started to see girls who I had thought were ahead of me still on the out leg and I realised that I had been really hard on myself. I did not over take anyone in in my AG but I was on target for a respectable run and a big IM PR so I pushed on refusing to slow down and made that final turn onto the carpet. I lept over the finish line with a not terrible 3:46:25 marathon and an awesome 10:04:32 a 10 min PR.

I found the gal who came 2nd in the post race area, I recognised her from the course, I thought she was a pro! Neither her nor the smoking fast gal who won were on the pre race athlete list I had stalked, I guess they signed up late - serves me right!  Anyway we exchanged a few words about the race before she apologised, turned away and puked. Oh and here those doubts flood back to me even now, why wasn't I puking? Did I not try hard enough? I was gaining on her and as it turns out I ran a faster run split than her. I also beat her on the swim too. She went under 10 hours and I did not. Yes I have lamented that flat big time and more and more so since she was able to claim the 2nd of the 2 Kona slots up for grabs. Ok, enough of that, it is what it is. I did the best I could all dang day, I know I did.

I am planning my 2018 race season, still hoping for the perfect race and I hope I can snag another Kona slot in the process.

I look forward to working with my most excellent coach Rick Schopp at INTENT, training at a mile high and starting a new chapter in Colorado with my family in 2018.

Huge thank you to Simon and my kiddos, your support and love through all of the training and racing is wonderful!

See you out on the course next year, I will be the one grinning like an idiot because I am doing something I love!

[unicyclehippo]

omg can you please write a sequel/ part 2 to that supercorp fic you just posted where Lena finds out Kara is supergirl?!? It was so great but now I'm stressing that Lena doesn't react well. Only if you've got time of course :) also I love how you write supercorp in general, it's amazing and feels so on point

i have a fever & im hacking up a lung: this is, in my humble opinion, the time when my writing ability rly soars. rly comes into its strengths. rly just,,, fucjin rocks. enjoy, ur welcome :))/

kara has been waiting, and hoping - and stress eating her way through the kids menu - and more hoping, beyond the normal bounds of hope, that lena will turn up for the dinner date they’d set up before… before all that “i’m an alien blah blah specifically supergirl blah blah blah” stuff.

kara shoves her hand into her bowl of fries, pats around to find one as she checks the long row of windows and the two doors for any sign of lena. her face falls when all she encounters is the cool ceramic feeling of betrayal. and no lena.

she flags down a waiter.

“can i get another of the fries, please?”

he looks at her like he knows she’s already eaten her way through six of them. or maybe like he knows she’s been stood up. it makes her feel worse - slump back in her chair and try to keep from feeling like her heart is being crushed kind of worse - and he nods hurriedly and scurries away into the kitchen.

she pulls out her phone, taps on the second contact, aaalex.

>if after three hours someone hasn’t shown up to a dinner….

>u got stood up>or they’re dead

kara rolls her eyes. then has a minor panic because, well, lena is kind of a magnet for attempted murder. she strains her ears to listen for lena but it’s futile this close to the ground, this close to so many people.

>kara >lenas fine>dont break the restaurant or ur phone

kara blinks down at her phone.

>have you been playing with the telepath drugs

>no lol i learned my lesson. i just figured she’s the only one u have been going on dates with so…

kara glares down at her phone, taps the CALL button with furious precision.

“we aren’t dating, alex. they’re friend dates. dates between friends.”

“mhm.”

“and also i have been on plenty of dates lately!”

“sure,” alex allows, but kara suspects she’s only half listening.

“they’re not dates,” she mutters. “but she did stand me up.”

“yeah i know. you put your "date between friends” in my calendar so i was kind of surprised when she marched herself into my office tonight. she signed everything.“ alex waits for a moment. kara says nothing, just stubbornly munches through the fries the waiter puts in front of her. she’s relieved to hear lena is actually okay, and that she signed, but it’s all overshadowed by the fact that lena isn’t here, with her, eating something kara can’t pronounce and gushing about the science she’s been working on and the way she smiles when kara orders seconds and tries to pay and alex is talking again. "not sure what kind of damage control thats worth, if any. i mean, she’s a luthor. but i told j'onn not to even think about wiping her. or, i thought it really loudly.”

kara sighs.

“as is my right as a big sister, i get to tell you you’re an idiot,” alex says, far more mildly than kara expected. or deserved, really. “so what the hell happened? i thought we’d at least talk about it before you told her.”

“it wasn’t something i could deny. maybe i could’ve,” kara mutters, “if it weren’t for my too expressive face.”

“the too expressive face,” alex agrees unhappily. “you got us in a lot of trouble with that.”

kara rolls her eyes. “sorry twelve years late?” she offers and alex hums her thanks. “plus m'gann said hi. like she knew me, you know? she didn’t know someone was with me, it’s not her fault, but yeah. lena knew. i could see it. and then we were at her place and i realised she just knew i was an al- a foreigner,” she corrects, looking around the mostly empty restaurant, “and not supergirl,”

“hold up. she let you into her place knowing you’re an alien?”

“yeah.”

“huh, okay.”

“what?”

“no, nothing. let me guess, you told her.”

“dramatic reveal and all.”

“and this was…”

“last night.” kara checks her watch, lifts her hand to get the bill. she grimaces when she sees how expensive it is to eat her way through her feelings. but hey, if she’s going all out, what’s a little more? “can i get two of your pizzas takeaway and also four brownies? please.”

the waiter looks ill at the request but kara is too upset to care that she’s eaten way too much tonight. by human standards. she could still eat.

“alex, you still there?”

“yup.”

“are you free tonight?”

“nope.” she pops the ‘p’ with some relish. “day off tomorrow, maggie and i are taking our bikes down the coast, remember?”

“right, right.” kara hands over her card to the waiter, signs the bill he brings over. “what do i do?”

“about lena?”

“no, about the state of affairs in, ugh i can’t be bothered,” she mutters. “yes, about lena.”

“um. well, she hasn’t tried to kill you yet so…talk to her?” kara hears her step out into an echoing room - the parking lot, she guesses, and alex’s car beeps. “hold on, i’ll switch you to my hands free,”

“no, no, it’s okay. drive safe and have fun tomorrow.”

“we will. and i love you.”

“love you too.”

//

“hi, jess.”

“kara!” jess smiles over at her. “late night for everyone, hmm?”

“yeah, what are you doing here? it’s midnight, you should be home.”

“i’m just finishing up some work, i have the week off from tomorrow,” she explains. “do you want to see miss luthor?”

her phone buzzes on the side and jess glances up at kara after reading the message.

“let me guess, she’s not in.” jess gives her an awkward smile and kara closes her eyes, nods. “of course,” she says quietly. “okay, well,” she swallows around the thick feeling of tears and sets the brownies on the counter. “um. these are for her. or you. have a good night bye have a fun week,” she says very quickly and almost runs back to the elevator.

it dings open in seconds and kara rushes in, leans back against the wall of it. she holds herself together as much as she can, can’t really help sniffling but she can excuse that on a cold. she stares over at the shut box doors of the elevator and knows the second she gets home she’s going flying.

//

she wonders if she still has her aunts suit. she doesn’t feel like reds and blues tonight, wants to fly without the expectation that comes with her suit.

//

the suit, alex tells her, was quarantined.

kara shoves herself into some old jeans and a deep blue sweater and jumps into the sky. when she’s higher than the tallest building, she rolls onto her back and floats, staring up at the sky.

winn is still in the DEO headquarters. she doesn’t fly down, but she hears him typing away and watching some show on his second monitor. he’s been working late a lot lately. she doesn’t know if something is wrong or if it’s more guardian business but she misses him. she’d text him an invite, or ask him about a game night, only she left her phone at home.

james is on the phone to lucy when she flies overhead and they’re over but he still sounds adoring when he speaks to her, and happy.

alex is - doing things no sister needs to hear.

“kara.”

lena’s voice is small and kara jerks, almost rolls into the path of a bat, before she detects the slight slight whine of a voicemail.

“i know it’s late, you’re probably asleep, i just wanted to talk and,”

kara lands with a slight thump on lena’s office balcony and lena turns. the slight stutter of her heart comes not when she sees kara’s face, but her body. or, clothes.

“kara.”

she ends her voicemail, steps over to unlock the door.

“hi. i wasn’t - i was flying, i heard you.”

“oh.” lena’s fingers twitch. she folds her arms. “i signed everything.”

“yeah. alex told me.”

“i apologise for missing dinner.”

kara takes a step back, shakes her head. lena looks nervous the moment she frowns and it rips at kara. she takes another step back.

“you didn’t miss it. you stood me up.” lena doesn’t say anything. “why - what does it change?” she asks. “how am i different?” she tries to keep the frustration from her voice but whatever, she’s upset that her best friend is all wonky over this, fight her about it.

“you’re supergirl.”

“yeah.”

“i’m,”

“if you say a luthor i’m going to scream,” kara tells her, and lena’s teeth click closed around that exact phrase. “i’ve been telling you for months that i don’t care about that.”

“that’s from before i knew,”

“but i knew!” kara cries. “i knew, and i meant it, and i still mean it, and i just want,” she stutters to a stop, lifts a hand to her eyes. she’s not wearing her glasses so she just covers them with a hand and slowly drags it away when she’s contained again. “i’m sorry i didn’t tell you. i didn’t want things to change. i didn’t,” the reason, or a reason, occurs to her and she sags a little. it’s selfish but lena deserves to know. “i didn’t want you to leave me,” she tells her, in a small voice.

lena has been very quiet and still as kara spoke and now she nods. “i am sorry about tonight. sometimes, i do things like that. when someone’s upset me.” she rolls her eyes delicately. “i’ve been told it’s a defence. throw someone off balance so i feel we’re on equal terms again.” her eyes are dark, cool. “i didn’t know. that you were an alien. i keep thinking and thinking, and i keep picking out all these instances and i just,” she shakes her head. “i can’t believe i didn’t know. i don’t like that i didn’t know.”

“i’m sorry.”

lena nods. “i can’t promise everything will be as it was before.”

kara nods as well. things - this, them - have changed and nothing goes back to how it was before a shift like that. as much as something might look the same, it never is.

“but i can tell you that in a month, there is a restaurant opening. i have four tickets, i would like for you to take one.” kara blinks at her. lena doesn’t smile but she does soften, a little. “i can’t tell how this is going to go, which is freaking me out a little and in a week i’m sure i’m gong to do something drastic,” she says with an edge of warning.

“i’ll be ready,” kara promises.

“good. all i can really say is that i will still want you to be around in a months time.” kara feels herself light up at the words. they’re not 'i’m not leaving you’ or 'i’m not sending you away’ but they’re pretty damn close. “and i don’t know how i feel about this, i don’t know when I’ll figure it out, but i already miss my friend kara.” kara nods her agreement. she can feel a lena sized hole opening up inside her the longer lena speaks, making herself clear that there is going to be a distance, a time for them to figure this out. she’s sure it’ll be a good thing; she’s equally sure it’ll hurt like hell.

“tomorrow is too soon to hang out, right?” kara checks. “it’s just, alex is away and winn is busy and,” she holds up her hands, shakes her head. “no, nevermind, too soon.”

it grows a little awkward - lena thanks her for the brownies, declines when kara offers to fly her home.

but the next morning, kara opens her front door to lena’s driver, a box of cookies and a small pot of yellow flowers and a note with just a short message.

'our lives are filled with tomorrow’s. this one isn’t ours, but perhaps the next one will be. enjoy your day x’

kara tucks it between the photo frame on her bedside table and the lamp and brings the flower pot with her to the couch. she sets up her next season and pulls the pot into her lap, wraps an arm around it. she pats the pot fondly, sends a photo of herself with it to lena, and settles in.

[boreussia-durmmund]

One month with Lou and Roman- Shut up, I love you

A/N: okay part 13 now, im gonna start writing for tomorrow as well today and idk why this turned out like it but i think it’s okay. i would like to know your opinion

tell me if you wanna be tagged @frecklednando @buerkihoe @the-mary-ann @marco-reus-dimples @carlaimberlain

Masterlist

„I'm so done. I just wanna fall asleep for three days.“, Lou groaned sinking into the passengers seat.

„Hello, princess. Nice to see you too.“, Roman replied looking at her with a smile on his face. „As if you care about saying hello. Just drive me home please, Roman!“, Lou demanded putting on her seatbelt. „Home?“; Roman asked excited.

„Well, we plan on moving in together I might as well call it home. But I won't if you don't start the engine immediately.“, Lou groaned again.

She was so so tired, it didn't feel real any more. Yesterday she couldn't fall asleep for ages and somewhat after eleven decided to call Roman. Being the perfect boyfriend he is, he put on his clothes, drove to her and cuddled her close for the rest of the night. But the night was short because she was woken up by her skin itching even before five and couldn't go back to sleep so she decided to get up and go to training. That's why she already was at her aunt's around seven, had breakfast with the kids and then started riding. Worst idea she ever had, or at least worst idea of the last months, she had made worse decisions before. Markus joined her around ten and the only stopped to go to the toilet or eat. Both of them wanted to use the last day as much as they could because Lucifer as well as Lupina would be picked up the next morning to brought to Poland for the European Championship. On top of her training for hours with itching skin and not nearly enough sleep,  her period wasn't helpful. „Easy, princess. I like the sound of home coming from you.“, Roman replied calming even putting one hand on her thigh but starting the engine right after she gave him a look pretty much saying if you don't stop that right now you wish you were in Switzerland but even there I would still haunt your ass.

Lou seriously wasn't in a good mood today. „So how was training?“, he tried to start a conversation again after they arrived on the street a few hundred meters from the house.

„Just don't.“, Lou shook her head and massaged her face with her hands.   „Should I just shut up?“, he asked looking at her.

„Yes, and focus on the street.“, she replied in a weird tone.

Roman turned his head around and faced the street not commenting on her statement. She wasn't joking, there was no playful tone in her voice. But he didn't want to argue with her. Lou kept quiet, she was angry and tired although she didn't want to take it out on Roman she did. She didn't want to apologise although she knew she was being wrong and unfair to him.

So she scratched her skin to reduce the anger in her. It went on for a few minutes and she felt like crying. She didn't know why but everything was too much for her at the moment. The training, the lack of sleep, the emotional drama, her itching skin and her period still caused her pain.

„I don't even need to look to tell you are scratching.“, Roman said worried.

Lou kept quiet and was still scratching.

„Okay, then you keep on doing it.“ He sounded like he didn't want to say anything else. Roman seemed done with her and knew if he said more she would be more angry.

„Roman, can you please pull over?“, Lou asked because she felt like crying.

He didn't say anything but stopped in the next parking spot. They didn't dare to say anything at first.

“I'm sorry, okay?” “Okay.”, he said without looking at her.

“Roman, I'm sorry. Seriously. But it's been a tough day and I just wanna cry right now. I feel like I could cry a million years because I can't control my feeling and everything is too much. I wanna rip my whole skin off. I can't think of anything else than this weekend and I wanna throw up thinking about it because damn I don't wanna disappoint anyone because everyone expects me to be one of the best and I feel like I can't do it. And also I still need to tell my grandparents they have been lied to for 24 years and I swear I feel like drowning and my period is making me a bigger bitch. So I'm sorry I took it out on you.” She took a deep breath and heard Roman breathe as well.

“I didn't know about all this...”, he replied facing her again, “I'm so sorry.” “It's okay. It's not your fault. Can you please bring me home so I can sink into your big muscles and cry it all out over your shirt because I feel like this is the only thing which will help me at the moment.” Roman drove them home, it took a few minutes until they arrived. Roman opened the door and let them both in, they hadn't said anything. Lenny and Cliff both greeted them and they petted the dogs for moment before Lou excused herself to the toilet. After peeing she looked in the mirror seeing her reflection with her skin red and broken out in a rash all over her face and arms. They were big shadows under her eyes and she looked exactly like she felt, completely exhausted. Lou put the lotion all over herself before going downstairs and searching for Roman.

She found him in the living room, lying on his back on the sofa. He invited her to lie down on top of him immediately.

“How can you even look at me....I look awful.”, Lou complained hiding her face on his chest.

“Shhhhh, it's not bothering me. The only thing bothering me is the fact it's causing you pain. Maybe you should see a doctor?”, Roman suggested pulling his arms around her to keep her even closer although gravity kept them tight with Lou on top of him. “Been there, he said I should reduce my stress so I hope it will be better after next week.”, she explained inhaling his scent.

“That sucks. You know, princess. Why didn't you tell me about your problems?”, he kept his voice calm and caressed her back. “I didn't want to burden you with my problems...” “Look at me, Louisa.”, Roman demanded and sat up pulling her up as well.

She looked scared, in the edge of crying.

“Don't you ever dare to think you burden me with anything. I love you, okay? And I'm here for you and I wanna know about your problems, all of them. Because I'm here when you have problems. God, girl, you helped me with all my problems of course I would do the same for you.” “I know but it's just minor things that shouldn't bother me.”, she explained and he could tell she was crying so he pulled her close.

“It's not minor, okay? It bothers you and you have every right to be bothered. I couldn't function they way you have been the last weeks so you have my highest respect. I love you, Louisa and I am here for you, okay?” She nodded against his chest and he kept her close trying to calm her.

[isaacathom]

im figuring for most of the game Rhia ONLY refers to Jun as ‘my uncle’ - she doesnt refer to him by name. you can figure out that she means Jun through his own dialogue and through interactions with Lyndelle, who Rhia says is her cousin. and Lyndelle speaks quite openly about her father and how much she aspires to be just like him, and how much he inspires Rhia, too. so when you eventually meet Jun in relation to Team bullshit, and he’s friendly and kind, you go ‘ooohhhhh thats her uncle, right’.

the main reason she does it is because shes paranoid about accidentally incriminating him. when shes berating Elliot for leaving her behind, and describing in detail what occured after she left, she’s fully aware that if she says his name, and then FAILS to stop Elliot and the player (and Zeke, iirc) from leaving, they might report his connections. its a VERY weak defence, admittedly, given how easy it is to work out who she’s referring to. but theres also the fact that shes NOT related to him. and Elliot, knowing this fact (knowing that she’s Seren, and that her entire family live in Johto and didn’t take her ‘home’), would be unable to connect that dot. Being that he is obsessed with Seren, rather than Rhia. the player knows she means Jun, but the player has also actually met Jun - which Rhia doesn’t know. But they’ve met, and they know that Jun isn’t enthusiastic about Team shit, and only works with them because he is blackmailed and wants to protect his family.

so. yknow. if she just says ‘her uncle’, theres room for interpretation. its vague enough. plus, if you actually go to HER records, the records of Rhia Stanton, you will not find Jun Zhang anywhere. he’s her step uncle. instead you will find Patrick’s family, and the family of her ‘mother’. who i think, for shits and gigs, dont have any brothers. that’d be funny. someone investigating Rhia’s ‘uncle’ claims would actually have to look a long way into her records to find a man who could match that description. ofc in reality they’d just ask Jun because that’s her home address now but like, yknow. they share no blood, both in general and as far as her legal records are concerned. so. yknow. someone trying to be covert and investigate Rhia would have to put a lot of extra effort to find this info.

idk i think itd be fun if Rhia’s going on her long tirade explaining the time between her being assaulted and Jun finding her and speaking in these vague terms. not in any overt hilarious way, i just think itd be cool for her to do. then, of course, once shits all cleared, he’s just Jun. well, ok, she alternates, because she does feel a genuine familial attachment to Jun and Bronwyn and Lyndelle, and terms like ‘aunt’ and ‘uncle’ and ‘cousin’ are vague enough that it can describe how she feels while not NECESSARILY necessitating blood ties. its a cute thing. initially it was part of her cover story, calling them auntie and uncle (and then mostly just calling Lyndelle by name), but at one point Rhia would’ve just slipped and called Jun ‘uncle’ in private and honestly it probably made him cry. and shes fretting and apologising and saying ‘fuck fuck i meant Jun sorry’ and hes all ‘no no its fine.... you can call me uncle if you want.’ and shes like ‘wait, really?????’ ‘absolutely, Rhia. if you want to!’ and she cries too. Bronwyn comes downstairs to find them hugging and crying and shes just ‘did i walk in on something?? do you want me to give you a minute’ and they both laugh reallyyyy awkwardly and theres a silence, before Rhia goes ‘heyyyyyy uuhhhhhh i had a question..... am i allowed to call you auntie????’ and bronwyns very confused about what exactly brought this on, looks at Jun, looks back at Rhia, back at Jun, and it clicks and she goes ‘oooooohhhhhhhhhhh. oooohhhh. you mean actually?’ and rhia nods and bronwyn goes ‘well, you do already, dont you? why not! :)’ and its just a big fun time.

then lyndelle also walks in and is INCREDIBLY confused. what the fuck is happening. why is everyoe laughing and crying and hugging and shit. did something happen???????? it is an incredily weird time.

uhhhhh point is she means it sincerely but not in a blood tie way and its also juuuuuuussssttt vague enough that she doesnt give anything away when shes trying to keep shit secret. of course, if pressed in a normal situation, she’d tell you exactly who ‘uncle’ is, the talented Dr Jun Zhang, but in any remotely crime-y shit, you wont get a peep.

so i guess she just always calls him uncle? maybe after the whole team/org blows over, she switches to ‘Uncle Jun’, rather than just uncle? that’d be kinda cute.

im not sure exactly when shed start sincerely calling then family, though. she has like 8 years to figure that out. it certainly wasnt in the first year or so - she was still mixed in that time. at some point, certainly.

the same sort of terms follow for Jun and Bronwyn too. Bronwyn probably took a little longer - mostly because she had slightly less history with Rhia than Jun did - but both of them feel very close to her and refer to her as their niece on a few occasions. Jun especially. mostly because meeting Jun is actually required for story progression, so IF he mentioned his family at all, itd be in vague terms. because just like Rhia, he really doesnt want to tie them into his business. he hates this business, why would he want them connected? so its just ‘my niece’ not ‘my niece, rhia, that cop whose been sorta bothering you the whole game’. YOU know, obviously, the player knows thats probably whats happening. which is probably also the point where you should be going ‘hang on......... her uncles in the evil team??? does she know???’ and it should cause people to think twice. ideally between meeting Jun in a team context and the tower sequence the player should see her again - presumably to insert the whole Seren thing which ive technically retconned out of existence but still needs to occur i guesssss - and she should seem especially suss in that instance. in fact, yea, having that be the point where she asks you to ask elliot about Seren makes sense, and should look INCREDIBLY shifty. like, whyyy cant she just ask him herself? why do you have to do it? what does that mean? theres probably been minor hints about it throughout the game, and there IS a cemetery why you can find graves for both her parents AND a grave for Seren with only her DOB and an end year. and Zeke probably actually knows about it, even if he didnt know Seren personally (given the age difference - he’s older than the player but younger than Rhia, being that he is like.... 17??? which is 6 years younger than her and anywhere from 2-5 older than you. idk. there would be minor info sprinkled about Seren throughout the game, to the point where the player COULD fill in the blanks about what the fuck is happening themselves. to a point, anyway. like, hmm.... so Seren was Elliot’s charge, and vanished, and now this girl who is roughly how old she’d be now is asking me to ask Elliot about her...... hmmmm. and the player might click it. the details, about how he abandoned her, come out only from Rhia herself in her tirade against Elliot. what Elliot tells you is slightly different. ooh, thats a bit, actually.

how Rhia recounts the events and how Elliot does is vastly different. mostly because they drastically diverge at a point, but also in terms of what they recount in that similar lead up. Rhia talks about how shifty the plan was, how he made her wait while he spoke to the gym leaders before coming to get her, how they were on their own despite the other groups being fairly large and proportionally uneven, how she ended up leading the way down the corridor (of her own arrogance, but her point is that He didnt stop her). Elliot talks about her boundless enthusiasm to take part, her insistence, his concern that he’d end up disappointing her if the gym leaders found out and subsequently stopped her. and the specific ‘incident’ bit, the description is different too. Elliot doesn’t really go into specifics. its just ‘there were..... complications. i had no choice but to flee’. Rhia instead describes in details how they were grabbed from behind when the corridor opened up abruptly, how the grunts jeered them and held hands over their mouths, how she kicked one of the grunts in the arm so they let Elliot go, how Elliot hesitated for JUST a moment before bolting, silently, down the corridor. that silence is a big part of it, too. Elliot will say to you that he tried to find help, which is true (to a point), but Rhia’s statement makes that seem strange. if he ran silently, how much did he want help? whether he DID actually leave without crying out at all is..... unclear. neither account of events is wholly accurate. the commonalities are true, but the minor parts are based on interpretation. in fact, the ONLY people perhaps equipped to offer an objective view on what happened in the confrontation are the Grunts, who could talk about how Seren crossed the threshold first with a pokeball in hand, and how Elliot passed closely behind without, and how Barny got kicked in the hand and probably later in the face by the flailing Seren, how Smokes followed Elliot down the hall and saw him completely leave the premises, how Tiny Fae later told Jun about Seren. that sorta shit. those are random names i dont even know what the fuck those mean.

i think thatd be a very neat difference. just to emphasise how they both feel about it. how Rhia would highlight the choices available to Elliot (and technically herself, but trust me, that isnt her idea) and how Elliot would highlight how inevitable he felt his choices were, or how he didnt have them.if it isnt obvious i probably agree with Rhia more, though shes a lot less blameless than she makes it out and there is probably more actual manipulation of information in her recounting over Elliots. like yea, both are manipulated to elicit a specific response (sympathy for both, and anger at Elliot in Rhia’s case). but since Rhia is making a point when she’s telling her version, she’s likely slightly twisted parts of it. the emotional impact of the event isnt changed, but some of the physical elements are likely emphasised to make Elliot feel reaaallllllll fucking guilty. like ‘you thought i was dead, but i lived! but in agonising pain for a while and there have been permanent physical and mental repercussions for your actions, asshole!’ what fun! :)

[amuelle]

III

Wake up.

Drink water.

Exercise.

Wear waist trainer. REGRET IT! Take it off.

Practice make up tutorial.

Panic attack.

I can’t exactly say what caused the panic attack. I found myself sitting under a weeping willow looking at the sky trying to figure out just what in the entire fuck was going on with me. Everything was fine but in an instant all of a sudden it just wasn’t. I hate thinking. I can never limit my thoughts to what I am doing right now and maybe what I’m doing later.  It’s as if every time there is a bit of silence, my brain starts working overtime. A tiny existential crisis begins to occur. Next thing I’m wearing a full face of makeup walking around Khubetsoana undoing my  plats in the middle of the morning mumbling to myself and scaring my neighbors. Because honestly WHAT AM I DOING HERE? WHO AM I WITHOUT MY PAIN? WILL I EVER SET BOUNDARIES WITH LOVED ONES? AM I REALLY A GOOD WRITER OR ARE PEOPLE BEING NICE TO ME? WILL I EVER BE ABLE TO MAKE THE BIG SACRIFICES? WHAT IF HE FORGETS MY BIRTHDAY? WHY DO I FEEL SO ALONE? EVERYONE IS COUNTING ON ME BUT THEY DON’T KNOW IM SCARED l’LL FUCK IT UP! This isn’t me….ohhhh but it is. It really is ME. I’m crazy and sane at the same time. As I sat under the weeping willow I started to think about three pieces of advice from me to me that have made things less hard. That I need to always remember….

-          Its not your fault if you tried and it didn’t work out

I look back at things sometimes and find a way to blame myself for the outcome if it wasn’t desirable. Romantic relationships, friendships, job situations and opportunities. I always find a way to rationalise it such that it couldn’t be bad luck or just not meant for me, no, no in my mind it’s me. I’m the master of my destiny and therefore, to blame. In some instances, yes, I could have handled myself better, but it’s not always my fault. Especially if your intentions and heart were in the right place. Sometimes it’s just not your season. You aren’t always the problem. After I read the alchemist I realised that what’s meant for you is for you. Nothing, absolutely nothing can change that. You just have to play to win. Sometimes it won’t work out but if you know balls to bones you did all that you possibly could you should be able to let it go. If you put your all into it before the outcome was the outcome you did all you could. Learn from it and leave it. That’s the only way or you will suffer needlessly thinking about things you can’t change.

 -          Some of the people you love just don’t know how to give.

I haven’t always been guarded. Once upon a time I was THAT friend. The 911, shoulder to cry on. I made a friend who for her whole life addicted to bad men and attracted drama. It seemed as if her life was always falling apart and my dumbass was always there to catch the tears, buy wine and stay on the phone till late convincing her it was going to be okay. I was a great friend. Finally as all things in life, I hit a rough patch and she was now where to be found. I couldn’t understand it. I expressed my disappointment and she apologised but it became her MO. My father had a stroke, I was almost homeless, I needed to borrow money, I was being bullied at work but she just could not be there for me. She was a great friend when we kept it light. We hung out, drank wine, made jokes and she gave great advice. However she was like cheesecake, when we got deep enough, past the delicious cream filling and hit the crust she just didn’t want to break through. That was it. That was all she had to give. I could be a good friend to her but that would not change her ability to reciprocate the support. She didn’t know how to and I couldn’t teach her. Just like how when there is a funeral in your family some friends will come chop vegetables and comfort your aunts, other friends will come, show face and tick it off their to do list and that’s that.  She could NEVER be the person I call if I were standing on the edge of a bridge about to jump. (People give what they can, I’m not mad she had boundaries.)  She left me with my dick in my hand so many times but would still say things like she felt like she is never there for me the way I was there for her. To the point where if a difficulty I was having came up in conversation I’d ask her to help just to be nice. She was amazing at walking the fine line between excuses and reasons and I already knew she wouldn’t help. I learnt to stop giving her chances. It became apparent she wasn’t going to change. She wasn’t the friend to face the apocalypse with. Much as I loved her she just didn’t know how to give and I couldn’t resent her for it.

 -          Sometimes you aren’t alone, you just don’t have the words to ask for help…

If there is something I am guilty of, it’s always playing my cards close to my chest even when I don’t have to. I’ve learnt that not everything has to be shrouded in mystery. Life isn’t always a game of Texas holdem with a revolver pointed at your head. It can feel like it but most times its not that bad. My brother once told me I was so used to suffering and that the idea that I didn’t have to suffer was foreign to me. On several occasions I have found myself ugly crying convinced that no one is coming to help me but who would come if they didn’t know I was sinking? It’s taken time but now before I take my phone, dial at least 5 people, talk to the people in my home or the man I’m sharing some pages of life with and said I am on the brink then it’s unfair of me to diminish their presence in my life because I don’t have the words. You cant resent someone you never give the chance to be there for you. However if you never tell them you need them, how would they know? I’ve been at my lowest lows, ugly crying, ready to drink till I pass out wishing someone would come comfort me but never ask. So I’m not alone, I just don’t have the words to ask for help and until I do it will be difficult for anyone to come to my aid. I’ve gotten better at this, I’m not great at it yet but at least now I know it’s not that no one loves me and they aren’t in a position to help me. They just don’t know I need them but they are about to find out!….

 Today is my MFing birthday and NO ONE is gonna steal my joy, not even me!!!!

Happy birthday to ME!!!!

Bisou…bisou