#and i am scared of dissapointing the people around me

[thelightintheattic]

I am starting therapy for realsies 💃💃

[mattsturniolosmuse]

Talk To Me

Johnny Cade x Fem! Reader

Summary: You've been dating Johnny for 3 months. You've never talked in front of the gang; you are selectively mute. You hate talking, you're scared people will judge you based off of what you say. One day, you're sticking up for yourself and Johnny, and hearing your voice turns him on. Turns out you are a lot louder than you give up to be.

Warnings: Smut, p in v, oral (fem receiving), sub! reader, dom! johnny, unprotected sex, dirty talk, use of pet names

"What do you guys think?" Darry asks the gang, following his question of 'what icecream should we get for Ponyboy's birthday?'

Most of the gang replied with chocolate. When it came to you, you shrugged.

"That's alright, angel, just point to the colour." Johnny says, grabbing some crayons off of the kitchen counter. You point at the pink one.

"Strawberry?" He asks. You nod. The votes came out as 5 for chocolate and 2 for strawberry.

"I'm going to take a smoke." Johnny says, stepping outside. You follow him, grabbing the cigarette out of his hand that he offered you. He lights it.

"How you been doin?" Johnny asks you. You nod in response.

"Good? That's good." Johnny says, pausing.

"You can talk to me. I won't judge you, I promise." He says, looking at you wearily. You shake your head.

"No? That's ok." He says, dissapointed.

"I'll bet your voice is really pretty." He says, stomping out his cigarette.

You shake your head again. It ain't.

"Want to go to Dairy Queen?" Johnny asks you. You get up, signalling that you would like him to. He locks his fingers with yours. He admires your face. He's always loved it.

Your e/c eyes that were so full of fear, but lit up whenever someone talked about something you enjoyed. Your cheeks were always rosy, especially when it was cold. Your lips were often coated in your favourite lip gloss; an orange flavour. He found himself thinking about your lips. About how he had never heard a word fall out of them.

"You're so pretty, angel." Johnny says to you, squeezing your hand. You blush.

The roar of an engine cracks Johnny out of his fantasizing about you. He looks behind him, and turning the corner, is a blue mustang. His heart starts hammering in his chest. He grips your hand tighter.

"So, uh- how was your day?" He asks, realizing you haven't noticed the mustang, and not wanting to scare you.

You shrug. The mustang speeds up.

"Sorry, angel, but we gotta run." Johnny says, dragging you with him. You guys try to outrun the vehicle, but, it being a vehicle, it was impossible. You trip on a rock and fall.

"Angel. Fuck. I'm sorry." Johnny says as one of the soc's grab his arm, the other one grabbing yours.

"Hey, pretty girl. I've seen you around school. You know who I am?" The soc asks you, scraping hair out of your face with his blade. Tears are silently pouring down your face as you shake your head.

"Leave her alone, man, please." Johnny says, struggling to get the words out with a blade to his own throat.

"Come on, pretty girl. Talk. I know you can." The soc says into your ear, squeezing your thigh gently.

No. No, no no. You think to yourself.

"Fine. If you won't talk, we'll take it out on your boyfriend here." The soc says, and Johnny got a punch to the stomach. More tears splash onto your face.

"NO! STOP! LEAVE HIM ALONE!" You scream. The soc is so surprised, he let's go of your arm.

"Angel..." Johnny says, looking up at you in shock.

"Come on guys, let's get out of here." The soc says, and him and his buddies pile back into the car and drive away.

You look back to Johnny. He's on the floor, propped up on his elbows.

You grab his hand and stand him up. "Let's go back." You say.

Johnny is suddenly aware of the tent in his pants. He'd never here you speak a word out of those pretty lips, and it made him crazy.

"Yeah. Ok." Johnny says, limping beside you, still in shock.

>>>><<<<

"What happened?"

"Are you OK, Johnnycakes?"

"Why is he limping, Y/N?"

These were some of the questions that were fired at you when you got back to the Curtis house. You shrug. Johnny heads upstairs, and you sit on the couch.

You are munching (sorry) on popcorn, when Johnny calls to you.

"Hey, angel, can you come here a sec?" Johnny asks you. You get up, placing the popcorn bowl down on the coffee table.

You enter the guest room, closing the door behind you, and Johnny is sitting on the bed, shirtless. A bruise had begun on his side.

You sit beside him and place your hand on the bruise, your other hand cupping his cheek.

"I'm glad you talked." Johnny whispers, his eyes flicking towards your lips then back up to your eyes. You smile, kissing him gently. The whole motion sent fireworks going off inside your stomach. His lips were soft; and they tasted like cigarettes and vanilla.

Johnny gently places you down on the bed, crawling over you, your lips not leaving eachothers.

Johnny tilts his head to deepen the kiss, and you feel a wet spot growing in your panties as Johnny's knee rubs against your crotch. You whimper quietly as you feel Johnny's tongue brush your lower lip.

You open your mouth, and Johnny's tongue clashes against yours. Johnny moans at the contact, and he slides his hands down your waist and into your shirt.

He begins to squeeze your chest gently, fondling the nipples in between his fingers.

"J-johnny..." You moan. You saying Johnny's name just turned him on more.

"I need you, angel." Johnny says, pulling away from you, his lust clouded eyes piercing into yours. You nod, pulling his black shirt over his head. He kisses you again, and you mess up his hair with your hand. Your other hand trails his stomach, over his slight abs and chest.

Johnny removes your jean jacket and the top underneath, and you unclasp your bra. Johnny groans and stares at you. You blush, averting his eyes, but he grabs your chin and makes you look at him.

"You're so fucking gorgeous, baby." Johnny says, attaching his lips to your left breast while kneading the other. You moan loudly.

He leaves gentle kisses all the way down to your black jeans. He looks up at you for permission, and you nod.

He unbuttons them, sliding them down your legs along with your panties. Johnny bites his lip at the sight of your pussy, his cock throbbing. Your pussy was dripping into the mattress, and he tried so hard to stop himself from rutting into the mattress. He wanted to save himself for you.

He places a gentle kiss to your clit, and your let out a small moan, tangling your hands in Johnny's hair as he flattens his tongue against your pussy.

"Johnny!" You moan out, causing him to go faster. He flicks his tongue in and out of your hole, licking up all of your slick.

"You taste so good, baby." Johnny moans against your clit. It sends vibrations through you, and you throw your head back. The knot in your stomach tightens.

"Johnny, close." You moan, blushing. Johnny pushes his face further into you as you release. His face is dripping with what was a mixture of your slick, cum and his saliva. The sight made you wet all over again.

Johnny wipes his face off with a blanket, and cowers over you again, kissing you gently. You can taste yourself on his tongue.

"Ready? If you want me to stop, just squeeze my hand, and I'll pull out." Johnny says, lacing his fingers with yours. You nod.

He pushes his tip in, and you throw your head back. You squeeze your eyes shut from pain and pleasure. Johnny bottoms out, and begins to thrust in and out of you slowly. You tried to keep your moans in, but it was impossible.

Johnny buries his face in your neck, kissing and sucking hickeys into the skin.

"J-johnny..." You moan, clenching around him. He picks up his pace, his hips pistoning into you at an alarming rate. The only sounds that can be heard are skin clapping and moans that fell from Johnny's mouth and occasionally yours.

"Baby, you feel so good. So tight." Johnny says, kissing you on the lips. His tongue finds yours immediately and you bite it. Johnny groans.

"Close." You moan, clenching down on him.

"Yeah. Come on. Come on my dick, baby. Show me how good I make you feel." Johnny says, bringing you closer to release. You never thought you'd ever hear those words come out of him.

You cum around him, and he thrusts a few more times before pulling out and releasing on your stomach.

"God. I love you, angel." Johnny says, trying to catch his breath.

"Me too." You whisper. You hear a knock on the door, and Johnny scrambles to grab a blanket to cover you.

"Y-yes?" Johnny calls. The door opens and Dally steps into the room.

"You know, if y'all are gonna fuck, find a place that maybe doesn't have 6 other people in it." He says with a smirk. You blush, hiding in Johnny's neck.

This was so much fun to write! Thank you to the anon who requested it. Keep the requests coming!

[loneduet]

Secrets - Part 1

Summary: You love Sokka and it scares you. You don't know what he'll do if he finds out. (Your a firebender)

A/N - ngl I wrote this for myself because of my recurring obsession with this lovable boy.

warnings: kissing, kinda short sorry

Hope you enjoy!

__________________

It all started when I met aang.

I ran way from my home not too long before i met them. Growing up in the fire nation was rough, especially being the emperors daughter. After zuko left to search for the airebender, i soon followed suit and left my status behind. All I ever was to my father was a dissapointment and I couldn't deal with Azula alone.

I was left with few options of where to go. I ended up living undercover in ba sing se where I soon met three kids my age. They were strangers at first, but now I don't know how I lived life without them. They have become my friends. My family.

While I know they are the exact people my brother is hunting down, I couldn't help but join them on their journey. I don't know what I'll do if I have to face my brother, but I know that I will never betray them.

Each of them showed me a kindness I have never known or deserved. Katara immediately accepted me, she loved having another girl be on the conquest and she insisted on braiding my hair everyday. Aang was kind and understanding. Deep down I know that he is aware of the secrets I keep, but he respects my boundaries and he shows me the fun to be had of everyday things. And than theres sokka. He is a completely different story.

When I met him my whole world was changed. At first he was wary of me and my additional presence to the group, but we soon started to get along. Really get along. He was protective and caring. At first glance, i immediantly respected the way that he treated his sister. While they fought like all siblings do, it's obvious that they truly love each other and I know that sokka will take care of her until the end.

I can see that all sokka wants to accomplish is to be a good leader and brother. He doesn't have bending abilities and he has admitted to me that this is one of his greatest insecurities, but it is far from a flaw. He hides a lot of his fear through his stupid jokes and ridiculous attitude, but I have learned to see through his disguise.

I have fallen so incredibly fast for this water tribe boy and he is completely unaware. Knowing his story, I can't let him find out about my past. He will never love me especially if he knows that im fire nation scum.

__________________

"Y/N, do you want to share with me?"

I looked over to see Sokka and his adorable puppy dog eyes looking at me.

"Of course." I giggle, helping him set up the tent.

Due to our constant travels and relocations, we had very few supplies which resulted in only three tents between the four of us. I wasn't complaining though.

"Goodnight Y/N." Aang said, giving me a friendly kiss on the cheek before heading to his tent.

"Yeah, goodnight!" Katara said with a wink. To her, it was obvious that I liked her older brother. She immediantly approved when she found out about it. If only she knew who I was.

I climbed into our shared tent and zipped it up behind me. Sokka was already laying down opening up the covers for me.

It was a normal thing for sokka and I to fall asleep in each other's embrace. Ever since we accidently fell asleep during one of aangs stories we have been inseparable. Sokka claims that he sleeps better because of how warm I naturally am and frankly he helps me keep the nightmares of my dad at bay.

From an outside perspective, our relationship is definitely weird. It's not normal for 'just friends' to cuddle up to each other every night. Deep down though, we both knew that their are feelings, but neither of us wanted to ruin what we have. What we could have.

I slipped under the covers next to him, his water nation blankets being especially fluffy and comfortable. Naturally his arms wrapped around my smaller frame and I tucked my head against his chest. His slow heart beat helped lull me to sleep.

"Y/N?" Sokka asked right before I dozed off.

"Yea?" I softly replied.

He than looks me straight in the eye. "I'm really glad I met you."

The statement takes me aback and I look maintain his eye contact, sitting up.

"Can I kiss you?" I whisper, not being able to help myself any longer.

He doesn't reply but leans forward and captures my lips with his. His body radiates warmth as he scoops me into his lap. I slide my hands into his soft hair that is let out of his usual ponytail. He grunts softly and let's go of my lips and puts his forehead against mine.

"Y/N, I think I love you."

Before he could return to kissing me my entire body freezes. He notices when I tense and looks at me questionably.

"I cant." I reply, leaving the tent in haste. The boy of my dreams watches my figure go, wondering what he did wrong. I cant do this to him. It has to stop.

[pastelsapphy]

A thought crossed my mind: between MC and Saeyoung, who proposes first? (I know SE 2.07 talks about Saeyoung proposing, but bear with me). I think if asked, they might say that, technically, it was Vanderwood.

Saeyoung probably isn't quite as confident as he seems. So MC bites the bullet the next time they get to rest. Curled up against each other in the dark of night, with no one and nothing but each other.

"So... they called me Saeran's sister-in-law, hm?"

And they feel Saeyoung tense up beside them. If any one trait describes Saeyoung, it's fear. He has always been afraid--of his mother, his father, the agency boss, of all the people he's pissed off coming for his head. He was afraid of anything bad happening to Saeran (seeing your worst fears come to life right before your eyes does wonders for anxiety, doesn't it?), of anything he's done coming back to hurt those he cares about.

He had been afraid of his friends seeing beyond the 707 mask, of them ever seeing the real him, because surely they would hate him. The real him was not someone to be loved. The real him was not someone to keep around. 707 could have friends (for a while), even Luciel could have friends (temporary as they were). But he had tried to bury Saeyoung, the scared little boy who was unloved by everyone except his other half.

But MC came along and held out a hand. With their help, Saeyoung dared to pull himself from his grave. They pushed through the masks that were 707 and Luciel to unearth Saeyoung, still lost and scared and desperate to protect everyone.

The thing is, those fears don't go away overnight--if they ever do. He knows MC says they love him, that they're in this for the long haul, but he's still half convinced he's going to wake up and find himself still at his desk, an imprint of his keyboard stamped into his face and nothing beside him but empty bags of chips.

So he falls back on his default defense mechanism: laugh it off. But the chuckle he forces out is strained, even to his ears. "Ah, yeah. Ha ha... sorry if that, uh, made you uncomfortable or anything."

MC just hums. Saeyoung feels the vibrations where their face is tucked against his neck. "What about you?"

Their breath is hot on his neck and god, he already can't think when he's around them. Yes, his brain screams. I love it. I want you to be his sister-in-law. I want you to be my spouse, my partner. I want to be your husband. I want it, I want it, I want it.

But, as he has always been, Saeyoung is afraid. What if this is what scares them off (and not, you know, his drugged and brainwashed brother or the agency that tried to kill them all)? What if they don't want to be tied to him that way? He still thinks MC deserves better than him, even if he's been selfish enough to accept them.

He must take too long to respond, because MC shifts back just enough to look up at him. Their eyes seem to sparkle in the darkness. "Saeyoung."

He looks away and they gently press a hand to his cheek. They're warm, so warm, melting him inside and out. Like a hot drink after coming in from the cold. "You're thinking too loud," they say.

"Haha, am I?" Is his voice shaking? He hopes not.

"Don't overthink this. How did you feel?"

He's afraid. He's so, so afraid. He knows how to push past fear; he knows how to turn it into a weapon for himself, but this isn't a battle. There's nothing to fight.

"It... umm..." he starts. Getting the words out of his mouth feels like wading through mud. "I... well... it uh..."

And then MC's lips are on his. Gentle, almost chaste. A means to redirect his attention more than anything.

"Do you want to know how it made me feel?" They whisper against him.

With all higher brain function having ceased, the only thing Saeyoung can do is nod.

He feels MC's lips curl into a smile. "A little dissapointed, because I'm not his in-law yet."

Saeyoung's head spins as he tries to process their words. "Oh... uh... you mean... you want...?"

MC chuckles and kisses him again. "I would love to be Saeran's in-law. Which means..."

Saeyoung swallows and finally meets MC's eyes. There's love in their gaze, but also a twinkle of mischief. Tease.

"You want to be my... wife?" He almost can't believe what he's saying might be true.

MC chuckles again. "Yes, Saeyoung. I want to be Saeran's sister-in-law; I want to be your wife; and I want you to be my husband."

And his head is spinning and MC kisses him again and he's falling. It's more than he's ever dreamed of and he's so scared to lose it but more than anything--he's excited. Saeyoung hasn't been excited in a long time. He's never looked forward to the future. It was never worth looking forward to.

When their lips part and he can think again, he says, "Does this count as a proposal? Because I can do better than that."

MC chuckles again. "You can give me a ring later, when this is all over."

He pauses, feeling unsure again. "Are you sure that's what you want?" He asks, barely above a whisper.

He yelps when MC gently nips his collarbone. "You're stuck with me, Saeyoung Choi. You're not getting rid of me so easily."

And he laughs, real this time. "Okay, okay! I won't let you go so easily, either. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Saeyoung."

("Technically, I proposed," Saeyoung will say.

"You certainly got down on one knee with a ring," MC will say. "But me and Vandy still beat you to the punch."

And Saeyoung will pout, but there's no sadness behind it. And MC will kiss him, because he's adorable when he pouts. And they will concede that, yes, Saeyoung is the one who offically proposed.

"But we still did it first," they will say, and Saeyoung will concede.)

[sleepisaturn]

warm mugs and warm hugs

Christmas fic ⛄

PAIRING—boyfriend!bucky barnes x gn!reader

SUMMARY—as Bucky's partner you absolutely can't allow it that he spends Christmas alone.

WARNINGS—hurt/comfort, sad Bucky, a pinch of angst but this is technically a fluffy fic

A/N—I know its way past Christmas but hey IM BACK BITCHES

A knock awoke Bucky who's in bed, well more like disturbed as he wasn't actually asleep. He tried but Bucky's an insomniac; who's only effective sleeping pill is you. He groaned as he rolled off his bed, landing on the soft but rough carpet under the wooden bed frame.

" I swear to God, it's the holidays, didn't that mean I get a few days where people don't disturb— " his annoyed murmurs was silenced by the view of the person on the other side of the door. The corners of his mouth turn upwards as he saw the person through the peephole. Half your face hidden by a scarf, a box of cookies on one hand and a thermos on the other that contained hot chocolate, held by cute green mittens that he gifted you a few days prior. Pride filled his chest as he sees the green mittens being out to use.

" doll ... you're supposed to be with you're family " Bucky's raspy deep voice called and sighs as he accepts your hug, a warm feeling dancing on his stomach as the smile on his face widens when you nuzzled your head on his chest. His arms wrapping tighter around your body as he finally feels at home, the cold atmosphere of his apartment warming up with just your presence.

" and I am " your small murmured voice replied as he pulled both your bodies near the kitchen whilst still in each other's embrace.

A comfortable silence fell as the two of you untangled from each other. Your hand immediately clasping itself with his as you looked at him with lots of love but a tint of sadness as you remember the reason you were here in the first place.

He sighed seeing the look on your eyes, mistaking it for pity but he knew you were just concerned but deep down he thinks just like everybody else, you just pity him and sometimes he's scared it's the actual reason that you're dating him.

Your body immediately followed Bucky's as he turned away from you, his head turning to yours as you use your palm to gently hold the side of his face. The growing beard slightly tickling your palms as you caressed his cheeks, a sad smile forming on your face as you notice his eyes that couldn't look at yours.

" hey, I'm not mad, I'm just ... it's the holidays, it's Christmas—it's an unspoken rule that you can't be alone for Christmas, baby "

He mirrors your hand, the back of his fingers slowly caressing the side of your face. He's still cautious about touching you even with his non metal arm because just like everything in his life, he thinks he'll ruin you—hurt you and even worse break you.

You knew that, you saw a lot of times how hesitant his touches was even in the middle of very intimate moments but you're patient. You knew being with him wasn't gonna be easy but you didn't hate him for that, not even a little bit. You never got tired proving Bucky that he could never hurt you and you never will. The love you have for Bucky is unconditional.

" remind me to beat bird brain's ass tomorrow " He replies with a little laugh.

" don't even, he tried to hide it but I spot liars even from a hundred miles away.

—you told me you'd be with Sam's family for Christmas because Steve's with Sharon, again I'm not mad ... why did you lie? did you hate the idea of meeting my family that much James? "

James, he's fucked he thinks; you only ever call him James in serious situations, when your angry or worse—dissapointed.

" No! of course not doll, I-I " He immediately cups your face on his large hands, your cheeks slightly getting squished together that made him chuckle as your glare intensified.

" Sorry doll—It's just I don't want to ruin your family's Christmas incase they don't like the fact you're dating me, no parent would be calm when their child is dating the world's most dangerous assassin " He laughs as your cute face felt irresistible, even if his own words degraded his being but he couldn't control his laugh as all he could see was your cute grumpy face with furrowed brows and cheeks that were still cupped by his large hand.

" ex-assasin, James—we've talked about this and my family would be scared at first but they wouldn't hate you "

" stop calling me James, doll "

" I'm dating you, they're gonna be protective, especially my mom but that's just because I brought home a boy " You ignored his words, taking his hands off the sides of your face. You held both his hands in yours, with a tight grasp and a deep breath you look straight into his steel blue eyes.

" I love you, Bucky "

" and I love you too, you're too good for me " He said with love and sadness lacing his tone. Slightly tilting your head as you make a move to kiss Bucky. Smiling against the feeling of his soft lips with the roughness of his stubble. The two felt the warmth of each other as they explored each other's bodies a bit. You're hands wrapping around his neck while he grabs your waist with his hands.

As the two of you separated for a breather, you looked at each other's eyes full of love.

" doll, not gonna lie, I kinda want that hot chocolate now " you chuckle slightly and pecking his lips once more.

The both of your spent two hours just talking about random things while you sat on the counter and Bucky stands in-between your legs. The two of you holding warm mugs filled with hot chocolate that had little marshmallows floating on the top. Bucky could stay right here forever.

But the two of you find yourselves minutes later on the top of the rooftop of the building his unit was at, laying flat on your backs on the room's roof that was built on the top floor, so that the two of you would be closer to the stars. Your fingers pointed out one of the constellations you knew, the bright lights of the moon and stars reflecting on your eyes because that's where Bucky was looking. You eyed the stars with amazement as Bucky looks at you with eyes filled with adoration. He loves you so much sometimes he questions why you're with a guy like him.

" I suggested we go here so we could look at the stars not so you could look at me, sergeant "

" not my fault you're a much better view doll "

" god you're such a romantic and they don't believe me when I say the great Bucky Barnes actually wrote me a poem once "

" to be fair it was a shit poem "

" it was the effort I liked "

" so you do admit it was a horrible piece of literature " He said chuckling as he moves his body closer to yours, using one of his elbow to support the top half of his body. His other hand immediately holding your hand that wasn't busy feeding yourself cookies.

" I love you "

" I know "

" I love you, doll, I am so in love with you and its scares me sometimes just how much I'm in love with you " he said while chuckling at the end as a big smile was painted on his face. His smile starts to falter seeing you have no reaction and your eyes that didn't meet his.

" I love you too " you whispered almost too quietly

" good, you kinda got me there so—uh so why the sad face? ... shit, was that too sudden? " He questioned, closing his eyes as he ran both hands through his hair

" I know we've only been dating for a year and well a couple months but— "

" no, uh nothings wrong "

" okay doll, that's pleasant to here " he humors making you slightly chuckle

You reached for his hand, locking your fingers with his as your finally look directly at his eyes

" I love you all the time. Every minute of every day and sometimes you pretty much the only reason I wake up in the morning, so I guess this is it, I love you and I don't ever wanna live without you James "

Your confession made Bucky feel like he was in heaven, like all the secrets of the world was bestowed upon him by Jesus. God, you were going to be the death of him and God does it scare him that your now his biggest weakness. He'd do absolutely anything for you, he'd die for you, he'd even kill for you if you asked.

" don't ever have to worry about me disappearing doll " He said with a straight face before immediately catching your lips, both his hands cupping your face gently.

" Merry Christmas, Baby " you said as he parts away his lips from yours while still cradling your face.

" I promise, you'll never have to celebrate Christmas alone, ever "

[pageofheartdj]

I think... I think I am content with having NPD(being mixed with AvPD).

With all those nasty articles it's hard to properly realize yourself and your feelings and your actions.

With strangers/coworkers I act polite and timid. I never argue with people, I am obedient. I silently die inside from even a hint of critisism.

"You did the thing not good enough" and all I hear "You are not enough" and I try not to crumble.

I secretely hope to receive a special treatement. I want people to be delicate with me, to go easy on me. I know I can't expect it, I am like everyone else. I still want it. I am still upset when I don't get it. I do as I told with a smile anyway.

With close people I am more outgoing, less scared to be rejected(I know I am loved by them, they can't take this away from me). I ignore others needs while consentrating on my own. I know it's wrong, I know I should try better, but I worry too much about myself. What if I am being wronged? I don't know how I would know, it feels like I am always wronged. I don't know where is the golden balance.

It feels like a game, a tease, they shoot at me, I shoot at them. Until turns out they became serious at some point and I catch a whiplash. I feel like a fool, it was a game, it was fun. Are you saying I am stupid?

The little criticisms feel like "You are a dissapointment and you will never not be worthless" and I want to defend myself. Why are you so cruel with me, what did I do? I am angry. I don't want to start a conflict, so I growl in my throat or pierce my hand with nails, physical pain distracting from emotional. Don't cry, don't argue. I want to, but it will make it worse. Just swallow, just seeth on the inside. (Later we goof around once more and all forgotten)

(They didn't mean to upset me, just stated a fact. I can't handle it. It hurts and I can't get away from it)

I want to be loved and adored. I am not enough to earn it. So I daydream and daydream. Where I am skillful enough, without pesky ADHD(an excuse? I don't know) on my way to practice. Without AvPD(don't even hate it) to make me recoil from attention.

I want attention but on my terms and this is impossible and I am in pain. I need water not to wither, but water is crushing me to the ground. I don't know what to do, both options hurt and there is no middle ground.

I dare to like myself sometimes. But not too much, I know I have nothing to like in myself. And if I do, then I need to match my own expectations and they are high and I am not good enough for this. So sit on the floor and don't look up.

[d8nielaa]

"How Soon Is Now?/ Daughter Of Olympus - Prologe: The Quest Begins...

x fem!reader/x teen!reader

“ I am human and I need to be loved, 

just like everybody else does.” - How Soon Is Now? - The Smiths

There she stood, silver and golden dagger in hand while she circled her opponent - her enemy. 

It felt strange. It felt like she was having an out of body experience. Like she was watching from the sidelines as another version of herself fought. "Dreams", Hypnos had called them. "Dreams are happy, Alesie. Dreams are silly, but it feels real. Nightmares are what you should be afraid of." Alesie had recalled as the out of body experience continued. While she watched, it felt like she was in the shoes of her younger self, but this version of her in the "dream" seemed to be much older. Though she was only twelve, her mind was wise beyond its years. Being a handcrafted creation of the Greek gods has many perks. Every feature and trait she had, was like a gift from them. She had Athena's intelligence, Ares's bravery, Hermes's sense of direction and so the list goes on. She had never asked why the gods suddenly needed a mutation (Alesie). It felt weird. She never grew up on Earth, but on Olympus. For twelve whole years, this young girl learned from the Greek gods themeselves, and when she was told she would be leaving to venture out on Earth alone.... she felt afraid. Which was strange because she had never felt that way before. It was a foreign feeling for her. One that she didn't like. This version of her was nothing like the girl thought she was. "Do not dissapoint me, Alesie. I put a lot of faith in you" Zeus had told her just minutes she was transported onto Earth. Her and Zeus were never the closest but, she respected him deeply. She had to anyway, he was one of the main gods that created her. When those words had been said, it felt like a huge weight had been thrown onto her shoulders. She had never felt so afraid. Not just of being alone, but of failing. Failing the gods, failing the people on Earth, and herself.

Alesie continued to watched as this older version of herselfcalled out to her opponent. She saw the pleading look in her own eyes, like she was begging them to stop. But, the sound of the rain and thunder was loud enough to drown out her voice. She was confuesd. She would never start a fight or never back down from one, she would let the fight find her. It's what she had always been taught. So, what had changed? What had scared her so much that she had to aim her dagger at them? What the girl could see from afar, was that her opponent didn't want to hurt her. She didn't know who it was. She could see the body perfectly, but the face was just not there. Like it had been blurred out. She could tell that the person she was going against, was a boy. Who in the dream, didn't seem much older then her. She wondered if the boy who was approaching her with a sword in his hand, was really an enemy. Or just an obstecle the gods threw in her way as a test.

The fight went on for what seemed like forever. All Alesie could do was just stand there and watch as her older self and the unknown boy circled each other. Then, the two stopped moving and Alesie watched in anticipation as they stood there for a moment. Suddenly, the boy lunged at her while letting out a war cry. But, before she could see the outcome of herself, she awoke. Her eyes jolted opened as her hands grabbed onto the grass under her. It smelt musky almost, she moved her head around and saw flowers with a few trees behind them. When she stood up, she saw a wheat field in front of her. And when she turned around, a forest. One that felt inviting. She looked down and saw a backpack next to her feet. She observed herself as she had been dressed in a pair of brown boots and a beautiful white dress. She lifted up her hands to see the skin tight golden bangles on her arms and a beautiful snake braclet on her wrist. Alesie picked up the bag as she felt around for her crystal. The one that Hermes had given her before she left.

She felt something sharp in the pocket of her dress and grabbed it. She reveled the crystal and held it up in front of her. She pointed it into the direction of the forest, before pointing it into the direction of the wheat field. She waited for a moment before a gust of wind blew in the direction of the forest. Alesie nodded her head at seemingly no one as she put her crystal back in her pocket and sighed. She looked around once more before heading into the woods. "Here we go"

This would be the start of a journey. One that would not only change the course of Alesie's life, but the lives of others. The daughter of Olympus began her quest.

Hi Guys! Im so excited for this story and i think you guys will really like it! I'll try to be consist while posting but i am on a slighty busy time frame. Requests are open for the time being! Have a wonderful day!!!

Alesie’s outfit inspo-

[valentijnsstuff]

I really thought last week was gonna be chill but I overdid it again huh

Monday. Go to therapy, middle aged therapist asked how my date went that I was so nervous for two weeks ago. Tell her it was a huge dissapointment, but that its a funny story to tell. Do work. Text friends. Productive day.

Tuesday my dad comes over for lunch. He fixes some stuff he doesn't like in my house, without me having asked. We go for a walk, talk about jobs. A guy comes over for an intake to be my volunteer. He is a bit posh, but he is gay, ace and funny, and he thinks helping me is a fun way to do volunteer work. Go to queer focused trans support group in the evening. See some of the homies. Do my best to sit and listen, doodle drawings for my next porn comic. End up flirting with handsome transman from Italy.

Wednesday morning I go to my GP. I'm greeted with 'Wow buddy we heard you got into crisis treatment?' (yeh I was suicidal haha) 'You say that so matter-of-factly'. Have a meeting for a big gig in november. Spend the rest of the day chilling in bed, but also finishing work for comic deadline. Go to a transman support group in the evening. Get overwhelmed, bc I've been too productive.

Thursday I feel hungover, partly from taking half a Quetiapine. Try to mentally ready myself for the evening, because I'm giving a drag workshop with other drag artists. We have an interesting group of seniors and young people, everyone is shy but very excited about doing drag. A transmasc I matched on a dating app once is there, we flirt a lil. I go home and stay up way to late to take pictures of my make up.

Friday morning I skip therapy, because I am too hungover from the workshop, and everything before it. Spend the day purposefully aknowledging how miserable my body feels. Have a sleepy date night with poly girl. She cooks, we rewatch hungergames and cuddle. I am a bit put off by her boundless energy, but I regain some of mine as soon as the make out sessions start. Hot queer sex ensues.

Saturday morning, wake up in poly girls bed. Get up with them, but the sleepyness overtakes me and I go back to bed to take nap. They come and cuddle me when I wake up, it's nice and we both express how at ease we feel with eachother. I go home and get ready to chill, bc tonight is the big night in terms of a prestigious job that I have lined up. I give a workshop at a national museum for museum night. Everything goes really well, its a huge success, I get a lot of praise from the people I work with. But trough the rushed nature of the evening, I feel very flighty the whole time, and a bit scared I am going to crash really hard. Still totally worth it.

Wake up from a nightmare sunday morning. Ultimately I feel a lot less hangover than I thought I would. Get myself freshed up and go to poly girls house, because they are having a friend hangover. Immediately get infodumped on, now I do feel hungover. Two more poly people show up. Everyone watches me draw them as furries. We have a big cuddlepuddle, I get kinda sleepy and horny. I ask poly bestie if she'd like some when the others leave (she says yes). I'm a bit cautious, bc past partners never wanted to have sex twice a week. We have a good time, but when I go home, I somehow still feel horny. Spend the whole evening pent up, especially when having a call with the longer distance transman I have been flirting with for a few months.

(Bonus) Monday, sleep out till late, go to therapy. Have a fun session explaining my lore to a younger therapist who is a huge trans ally. I stick around the therapy building to do work, because it's a nice place to sit, with a garden. Have dinner at the house of a newly made poly friends. They are a huge nerd, who keeps telling me they are demi, but then continuesly flirts at me. They open the door with 'my other transmasc friend would definitely have sex with you' (hi buddy good to see you too). We chat about childhood stuff and make pizzas. At some point they propose cuddles and watching show, bc they know I like cuddling. We watch scavengers reign, and I somewhat taken aback how intimate they cuddle, but I act casual. We talk about our definitions of queer sex dynamics, while they are wrapped around my leg with theirs 😳 at some point we tickle fight 😳😳 before I go I mention I think I smell, they push their face into my armpit 😳😳😳 (can it get any gayer) I now have flustered feelings about all this. I dream about having sex with a transman later that night.

[nerves-nebula]

nerves I am now so dissapointed that I never got to go to a bonfire or a hoedown like I thought those things were things that happened in movies/tv shows only. /lh /nm /im being silly and also your tmneglectt au is helping me recognize stuff

the CLOSEST thing to those I've been to was an event thing we did at our school where our tiny gym had a few things you could pay to do and I found 5 dollars and bought some candy and my parents got pissed at me after for actually spending money that they only gave me for "display purposes". Only went to that school for a few years and after that I never got money for anything, BUT because that event happened during school hours I actually got to go!

(<- not to make you pity me, just honestly have 0 idea what either of those events would be like. I've barely interacted with more than a few people at once that wasn't bullying)

killing ur parents for being mad that u spent the money they gave u.

TBH I mostly hated the hoedowns when I went to them, they were mostly attended by older people and i was too scared to join the dance most of the time. but the one or two times i got the courage to join i had a pretty good time, and i loved the music (even if it got a bit too loud) and i liked playing with the other kids (even if social interaction stressed me the fuck out)

the bonfires were less of a mixed memory. I adore bonfires, and i adored drinking lemonade and sitting around the fire, and burning half my body while the other half froze hahhh. fire is gorgeous, if i could touch it i would.

the bonfires i went to were mostly made of other home-school kids, on this one families farm. it was lovely. i found the tinniest frog ever in the grass. they had horses and ponies, which i only ever rode once because it was really uncomfortable.

[bewby]

up rn thinking about how i wish i could have deep connections with people and also thinking about how i'm trying to be seen by people so bad like i wanna be seen and understood so badly because i feel so disconnected from everything and everyone and i'm so lonely and like god i don't even know (well also my ex plays alot into this but i don't wanna get into that rn) like it's just so sad bwcause i know having proper close friends could help me so much and improve my life quality but i cannot. maintain friendships in ways people like even if i really wish i could and it makes me so sad because i hate dissapointing everyone and i hate that i am this way.

but also. i understand that i need time to recharge from socializing and that should be respected etc but i also hate how bad it has gotten and it's literally all my fault too and like on top of me having a hard time i also feel so much shame for just existing and being seen too because well i feel unlovable and i'm insecure about every single thing i do even just the way i walk or the groceries i buy or other insignificant stuff fjfhdhdj

and i ALSO feel like even if i really do wanna become closer friends with so many people i always get scared that people will realize that i'm actually really not fun to be around and take things very literally and can't even hold conversations and i offer like absolutely nothing because i'm depressed and my life sucks and i have a bad memory and i have never experienced anything interesting in my life because my parents always isolated me from everyone and Now i just have to fucking unlearn that and i have to just fucking deal with all this shit all by myself oh my god that's so cool And btw should Hang myself ?

[chososcamgirl]

HEYHEY IYA HRUUUU??? SORRY FOR NOT DOING MY DAILY CHECKINS I ACTUALLY HAVE TO GET ON TOP OF MY ASKSSSS IVE BEEN… getting more sun in lately…. Heh… breathing some real air instead of being locked up inside… BUT I HOPE UR HAVING A VERY SIGMA DAY AND THAT TERRIFIER 3 DIDNT TRAUMATIZE U TOO MUCH.. 😭😭 I SAW THE BLEACH SCENE AND OMFG I WAS GAGGING IDK HOW U POWERED THRU THE WHOLE MOVIEEEE

Ok look why did I find out one of my friends is an op…. 💔 cus she’s trying to steal my hg away from me and she keeps tryna make plans with MY 4LIFER infront of me… but my hoe is a real one and she caught on to how weird that friend was being too 😭 she got so pissed at me today because I wore something she wanted to wear.. but she didn’t tell me she wanted to wear the same thing so how would I even know…. like she literally wants me to ask permission on what I wear before I wear something which is SO WEIRD.. and she hates that my life doesn’t revolve around her because I went out with another friend today and she got SOO mad at me she started sending AUDIO RECORDINGS OF HER CRYING????? AND SHE STARTED TYPING SHIT LIKE “ur so fake” or  “without me?” I SWEAR SHE ACTS LIKE MY EX 😭‼️and she tries to tell me who to hang out with/ditch and what I should be doing… vro… why are you telling me how to live my life 👿

AND ANOTHER GIRL WAS USING MY FACE TO CATFISH PEOPLE… WHICH IS ACTUALLY SO TERRIFYING BECAUSE LIKE APPARENTLY SHE HAS 5 TALKING STAGES WHO THINK THEYRE TALKING TO MY FACE…. TELL ME WHY IM JUST FINDING OUT ABOUT THIS NOW??? I HOPR SHES NOT SAYING WEIRD SHIT OR SENDING THINGS AND LIKE SAYING ITS FROM ME…. I WAS ACTUALLY LEFT SPEECHLESS WHEN I FOUND THIS OUT CAUSE WHY IS SHE USING MY FACE TO TALK TO PEOPLE….. 😧

I WENT TO THE MALL WITH ONE OF MY FRIENDS (again PGJFJNGHRNJGHR I HAVE A SPENDING PROBLEMMMM) and there was someone dressed as the terrifer and OH MY GOD I THOUGHT I WAS HALLUCINATING FOR A SECOND I GOT SO SCARED… but they were rlly nice once I calmed down 😭 he started honking his horn at me and it was pretty funny idk why I started tweaking 💔 also I was being so paranoid I was still at the mall at like 11pm (I was sitting in some random corner) and there’s like this loud banging so I LEGIT GOT UP AND WAS READY TO RUNNNNN UTHUTITHNUTR PLEASEEE MY FIGHT OR FLIGHT ACTIVATED AND I LEGIT WAS FREAKING OUT but then it tuns out it was just a group of kids banging their shit…. And they SAW ME TWEAKING AND LAUGHEDDDD AT MEEE ARHGHHJGTGJHEEHG but they apologized so its all 😈

I was on a grind and did my nails oh my GYATTT I am TWEAKING they took FOREVERRRR AND IM LIKE KINDA DISSAPOINTED BY HOW THEY TURNED OUT BUT WTV 

My dogs a German Shepard btw… he lowk a freak 😈🙏 ALSO MY PERPER LIKE.. JUST ENDED.. SO,, SORRY FOR BLUETOOTHING IT TO U ☹️

OKOK THOUGHTS ON THE RECENT CHAPTER… 

Why is megrim lowk folding HARDDD like DAMN y’all had sex ONE time chill 😭(saying that as if I wouldn’t be attached to the person who takes my v-card) 

MAKI AND YN HAVING SEX AT THE SAME TIME IM HOWLING AT THE MOON THIS IS LITERALLY THE SAME THING AS HAVING MATCHING STARSIGNS OR SMTHING 😭 THEYRE LOCKED IN FOR SUREEE

Toge saying he didn’t get laid when yuji said “damn so y’all all got laid last night” is so fake cus I was LITERALLY w him last night chat.. why is he lying?? 💔

Toge should have won funniest band member 😍 (no shade to Fuji)

PLEASEE YUTA SPIRALING BECAUSE MAKI WAS IN A BAD MOOD 😭😭 HE IS THE REASON WHY THE 🫃EMOJI EXISTS

URGRTHIURTHTRTURIR I NEED INUMAKI SO BAD ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY… I WISH WE FUCKED TOO 👿🐺‼️

Movie date…? are we going for awkward tension or theater head I can’t tell 👀

Sukuna part healed something in me that I didn’t know was broken thank you iya (and Beyonce) for cleansing a part of my soul I feel very blessed rn 😇

DONT GET ME WRONG SUKUNAS 😍 BUTTTT PPL LIKE THAT R SO ANNOYING IM GLAD YN STOOD UPPP CUS I WOULD CRASH OUT IF SHE CAVED IN

Megumi is WHIPPPPEDDDDD bro like on SKIBIDI he’s cooked

Okay look yn is so me because I never block any of my exes or failed talking stages… I FEAR IM NOT THAT STRONG… ESP WHEN THEY BREAK NO CONTACT LIKE I SWEAR ITS SOOOO HARD FOR ME TO STAY SILENT EVEN IF ITS TO TALK SHIT ABOUT THEM…. THE BLOCK BUTTON IS NEVER AN OPTION FOR ME I FEAR SO I UNDERSTAND WHY SUKUNA WOULDNT BE BLOCKED BC ME TOO GIRL 😞

Toge please give me a chance I swear ill treat you right like u can literally be the mpreg seahorse to my strong independent alpha seahorse female 🤗

AHJTRHRTTRTRITROTOGBT I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO MUCH OH M,Y GYATT IIYA ILYSM THANK YOU FOR STUFFING ME UP 🤗

CANT WAIT FOR THE OTHER ONES O COME OUT KJREHURTHTRHJSRTHJTR IM SO PUMPEDD

My friend made a comment today on how I would post smthing like “oh! So, inumaki is actually my fav character… its okay if you like him too ig… just don’t talk about him to me…” or some shit like that on my socials and tell me why I lowk would… I would match his freak so well PLEASE GIVE ME. ACHANCE IM SHAKING

AOTD ANSWER UHHHHHHH…. ASMR… LIKE… THOSE CLASSROOM ASMRS U CAN FIND ON TIKTOK OMFG THEY PUT MY TO SLEEP IN AN INSTANT ITS LIKE A KINK I SWEAR (NOT ACTUALLY) I WATCH THEM RELIGOUSLY BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP😫😫😫

OKOK QTODDDDDD…. IF U GET DINNER WITH ANY CELEB (has to be real) WHO WOULD IT BEEEE???

OTNGTKJNTNJTNTNT ILYTSM IYA SIGMA POOPOO HAVE A VERY ALPHATASTIC DAY ‼️🐺🔥

-🐺

HI ALPHA!! 🐺🐺

LONG respond under the cut help…🙏

IVE BEEN MEANING TO ANSWER THIS FOR SO LONG PLEASE!! NEVER APOLOGISE!! ive been in a pickle answering asks (u r my last ask for the night i’ve been saving this one🙂‍↕️ also i see ur other ask and i definitely will be answering it dw <33) IVE BEEN GOOD!! my sore throat has gone away FINALLY and work has been v good🙂‍↕️ WBY!!! this was the last daily check in i had gotten from you.. i hope ur not dead… /j

BRO TERRIFER 3 WAS SOMETHING ELSE😭 I HAD MY HANDS COVERED 70% OF THE TIME NOT IN FEAR BUT BECAUSE OF THE GORE IT WAS SO 😭😭😭GROSS. like please if i knew it was going to have that much blood i would have NOT watched it… but also my fault for skipping past 1 and 2 and going straight to 3. also the plot was kinda ass so….

NO BC THAT WOULDVE BEEN IT FOR ME like why tf are u making plans INFRONT ME but i’m glad ur bff got ur back like she’s a real one fr WAIT HOMEGIRL IS GETTING JEALOUS? ur 4lifer am i correct?😭 omg wait that’s so weird WHY DO YOU NEED HER PERMISSION PLEASE?🙄🙄🙄 and i lowkey do understand the jealousy thing because i do tend to get like that too but I DONT SEND VMS OF ME CRYING?😭 she’s on a different level omg….

HELLO THE CATFISH? ARE U OKAY… idk if that was me i would be lowkey like ???wtf but then like “oh so u think i’m prettyyyy!!!😍😍😇😇😇” idk but like as long as she’s not doing stupid or dumb shit that might affect you🫠🫠 the talking stages r lowkey funny BUT STILL A BIT WEIRD??

OH MY GOD THE TERRIFER AT THE MALL? THAT WAS A SCENE IN RHE MOVIE😭 no bc i would have LEFT SO FAST and the honking no bro i cannot with him anymore 😟😟😟 ALSO ALPHA WHY ARE YOU AT THE MALL AT 11PM STILL HELLO? IS IT NOT SHUT AT 9PM LIKE NORMAL… idk it is here in aus… also the fight or flight thing im sorry i giggled but atleast the kids apologised to you😈😈

YAY FOR NAILS!!! omg i wish i could do my own nails it would save me SO MUCH MONEY💔 you must teach me alpha… ALSO OMG GERMAN SHEPARD?? THEY ARE MY FAVOURITE BREED😭 them and samoyeds please i wanted a german shepard for so long but my parents always said no💔 you MUST show me a picture of ur dog please im begging🙏

YAY THOUGHTS!! PUHLEASE yes u were with toge that same night i’m sorry it’s #canon. THE 🫃 EMOJI THOUFHT I ACTUALLY HOWLED😭 THEATRE HEAD ALPAH PLEASE ENOUGH. no i haven’t blocked any of my exes/situationship BESIDES ONE… but that was lowkey bc he was a freak but i mean if they did break no contact i would fold immediately sorry… MPREG ALPHA SEAHORSE GIRL IM WEAK😭😭😭

you and toge are 100% matching eachothers freak🙂‍↕️ THE ASMR IS SO REAL IM SORRY😭 idk if u remember this but yagami yato audios…. ok hear me out… they were GOOD back then please they were comforting for 14 year old me okay…

AOTD‼️ THIS IS HARD BECAUSE I HAVE A FEW… BUT ON THE TOP OF MY HEAD HAMZAH THE FANTASTIC OR AARON TAYLOR JOHNSON.. he was so sexy in bullet train #notsorry my hamzah hyper fixation is heavy rn idk he’s just so 😍😍😍 WBY🫵🫵🫵

ILY ALPHA!!🐺🐺 PLEASE DONT DIE AND HAVE A GOOD DAY <33 GOING TO SLEEP NOW

[a-simply-simping-simp]

I used to pray almost every week to God to kill me in my sleep. I used to get on my hands and knees on the top of my staircase and beg for death. I was maybe around 8 at the time. I wasn't even in middle school. Everyday I'd ake up and feel dissapointed. I'd lay in my bed a bit more cuz I didn't want to get up and llive another day. Can you imagine a child so young begging you to kill them? Can you imagine your child asking that? I used to go my life wanting to die everyday because I was depressed. I was bored. I was scared. I honestly didn't even want to die; I just didn't want to live. But now, I've changed. I don't wish for death but I'm not as scared as I used to be. I mean, I'm not inviting death to knock on my doors, but I have this thirst to be done with this life. I'm bored but only because I know this life pales in comparrison to what comes after. I'm bored because I just want nothing more than to run and hug Jesus physically and directly, in his face, say thank you over and over and over again. I can't imagine what he must've felt as his child, such a young one too, begged him to take her life only because she was too coward to do it herself. Also, I didn't mention that those were the only times I talked to God at all back then. God truly changed me. That isn't all, it truly isn't! I also have had this....situation where everyone around me felt different. At first I felt like the only normal person and everyone else was an NPC, but then I started to realize the only reason they looked like NPCs to me was because they all had some invisible thing or trait in common. I still to this day have no clue what it is, but It was something like this fundemental rule to being human. But I didn't have it. I had the body of a human, the brain of a human, the intelligence of a human...for the most part, but this thing, this thing I lacked. I copied different people constantly to try and figure out what it was but all I gained was an identity crisis. I panicked and cried for a while because I didn't know what was wrong with me. I always knew the people around me were different in a way I couldn't relate, but it all came together, or rather, fell apart when someone very close to me verbally told me something was wrong with me...multiple times. I've been speculated before that I could be on the spectrum. At first I was thought to have ADHD, both kinds. Then I was suspected to have Autism as well as sensory issues. I asked to be tested but still, it isn't really worth the time, money, and effort to others, so I am still unsure. Honestly I hoped this was the case because I'd finally have a reason as to why I'm this way and so that it'd prove nothing was wrong with me. Now, I still struggle a bit with this one simply because I truly want to just know myself. I have someone who understands me. In fact, He made me. And he doesn't make mistakes. I am no misfunction. There is nothing wrong with me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made and only in christ did I figure that out. He is the only confromation I need. God changes people in ways you never would've guessed.

[louka000]

The Violet Story

It's night at May 6 2023. I sleep. Then somehow the idea of a punk purple girl OC comes to my brain, and thought it will be very cool and very cute.

It's next day. May 7 2023. Bored on the computer, I launched up Paint.net to make a very "sexy" and "violent" Mary Sue joke OC. I drew the undetailed red sketch (basically lines) and everything. I put the smug and the nosebleed. It didn't turn out well.

While not being extremely happy AND is also dissapointed with the result, I had to take the dream OC I had last night. Drawing few hours, using lots of purple and girly shit, and then comes as this:

It comes the result with the shoeless footsie jeans, purple tank top that says "ME!" (meant that she came across as punky. it's not a fucking reference to an overrated singer), purple lips and lashes (to add love) and purple heart on her hair.

I am more proud and happy with the result more than the mary sue oc. I made lots of edits of her.

I originally had to call her "Puny", but then I had to call her Betty. Scared of people making of me for using the name some other OCs have, I had to call her "Violet" on the first Violet art description. I had to still use the name "Betty", and I once made the drawing of her meeting that other Betty (the one by Betty-M) few months later.

15 days later, I uploaded her to DeviantArt. Very few faves came across, although later Violet pics (even to this day) are getting more like.

Honestly she wasn't my #1 favorite OC, as I have made more OCs that interests me.

Until November.

On November 20, before coming back from school, I got the notification on my phone: Some Thai just mention me in the description of her art of Bethany hugging Violet. I was extremely happy that the first Louka-style OCs fanart came to me. No other 2023 fanarts was made, unlike this year. The fact that it uses "Violet" makes me had to make Violet as this OC's official and actual name, though "Betty" is her real name.

Despite the fact that it features Violet, I was getting obsessed with Bethany, the hipster douchebag cutie. I made several arts of her around late 2023. She used to be my main OC.

Bethany then suddenly went on to be my 2nd favorite OC I made, with the 1 spot goes to... Violet. As my love of her unique appearance goes, I'm surprised this purple girl came to be.

Some days in months, she has become the Louka OC with the most fanarts. I counted in the fanart folder, there are 19 (other ocs have less than 4).

I was happy about the fanarts I have.

Despite me loving the initial design, I had to do a little redesign on my PPG AU with cringe and now outdated info.

Some days later, I had to announce that Violet is genderfluid now. Her female form is the most iconic, but Violet also has male and non-binary forms (male violet is shown here).

These days, Violet is my most popular OC. Violet is appreciated on Deviantart, Instagram, Twitter, Discord, and even RateYourMusic of all sites. My magnum opus. My essential OC. The To Pimp A Butterfly of LoukaPowerpuff's character. Fanarts of her have been made, which I still appreciate.

Which is even for a little cute "silly" purple PPG OC that I, the only person from Pas-de-Calais (France) you know (unless you know Louane or Norman Thavaud), made out of silliness, with the name of Jerimin19's classic OC.

[carnationsonschoolholidays]

Testosterone

I feel like years and years of turmoil have stalled. I've hit a weird, purgatory-esque plateau in my development. I'm really happy with my transition. I like how I look. But I don't LOVE it. I don't take lots of selfies and get really excited to put on cool outfits or feel invigorated by shit anymore. Now I just wake up and do what I have to do. And I actually regard shaving as a hassle.

That's very new. Like it used to be this excitement about how much more my hair had grown every time I shaved- anxiously hoping each time that I'd get closer to a full beard- growing it out for as long as I could tolerate- then getting rid of it. Now, I know what's gonna happen. It'll grow out real fast. But not enough to reallyyyy be a full beard. There's no mystery anymore because I know it's gonna be a long time before it's actually a thick beard. So now, I don't shave it because I don't want to irritate my skin or get ingrown hairs or whatever, which is just dull- not so exciting. But also? Not bad!!!

I'm still super happy to even be having that experience. Just not in this insane euphoric way like when everything was completely new.

I'm experiencing this funny thing where like- I wake up and look in the mirror and I regard myself with this vague boredom. Like wow- I'm just some fucking dude. And I haven't been on a date in like 3 years. But now I live with my parents and I don't have a car, so like, when is that gonna change? Probably not soon. Does it have to change? Am I dying inside? No. Would it be nice to "get back out there" so to speak? Yes.

The fact that I talk about myself like a fucking middle-aged divorcee is part of the weird boredom thing. I think I'm starting to understand why a friend of mine told me I have "divorced man" energy.

I have gray hairs dude! I know I talk about that to an obnoxious degree and almost wear it as a badge of honor. But like wow. It's actually noticeable now. Like- it wasn't before, but now it is.

And I just look in the mirror and see this guy. With a little baby beard. And gray hairs. And like- who is that? Who is that guy?

I think part of the problem is transitioning actually made me overwhelmingly socially anxious. Like in my life I was always kind of like that, but it got so much worse. Not in a debilitating way where I can't go outside. Just in a lukewarm kind of overarching sense that I could definitely smile more, engage in more conversation etc. with people. The problem is just that I'm self-conscious and afraid to open my mouth in front of people that aren't also transmasc. Which is most people. So I just kinda go quiet.

Cause I'm afraid they're gonna like- think I'm gay or something? Which is hilarious, because I am. And I think about fucking men constantly.

But actually now that I think about it it's not just "not-transmasc" people, because now I'm in Florida and I have plenty of people who would like to hang out, but I am scared to initiate it!!!

I'm just so afraid that I'll ask someone to hang out and we'll have nothing to talk about! And if I'M the one to plan it, what do I even ask them to do? What if I pick the wrong activity and it's awkward or weird and they hate it? Or what if it's just a weird thing to ask someone to do to begin with??? What do we even do here? Go to the mall? Go see a movie? Take a walk? I wanna go to the beach, but a lot of the gay ppl I know here don't like the beach. But it's also stupid to assume that, because I haven't even asked!

A lot of these people knew me in high school. What if the person I am now is like- a weird dissapointment somehow. Or maybe in high school I was like- demure and quiet, and now I've changed, and they realize they actually don't like me.

Now that I'm typing this I hear how stupid it sounds.

Anyways, I also have to schedule around when I can borrow my mom's car here! It's demoralizing! But I'm not ashamed of my choices or anything I'm just kinda. In purgatory. But I'm really happy to be home for a lot of reasons. Like all the reasons I decided to come here still stand.

I'm just lonely.

And also living in a state of permanent repression of my desires. Despite the fact that I desire deeply.

This started out like I was gonna try and write something nice and poetic but I guess I'm not. Maybe I'll try another where I get explicit and then I can explore that part, bc I think this became something else.

[renon4224]

Angel Wings

Chapter Four: Saturday, late night, Akari Aizawa

He was letting me rest on him, my head in the crook of his neck, he really did smell like caramel. I could feel his hands on the small of my back, but mine were wrapped around his shoulders. I could see the tip of his scar, it was healing. “You-your scar,” I let go of  him, “It’s fading.” He looked hurt?

“That’s not possible,” He looked away, “It’s late, you should get some rest.” 

“No, look, the scar was fading,” I grabbed his hand, “May I?”

“May you lift up my shirt?” He said it with a laugh but, his eyes were sad.

“That’s not what I mean, please look.” I let go, “But you’re right, we should get some sleep, wait, where’d everybody go?” I looked out the hallway, no one was there.

“Aizawa must’ve gone to let everyone back inside.”

“Why were they outside?”

“Maybe later, good night, Akari.”

-Katsuki Bakugou-

“Oh,” She looked…dissapointed? “Good night, Bakugou.” She walked outside, back into her room.

I closed my door. “Of course, why would she remember? She’s never remembered anything else that’s happened during the blackouts.” I might as well look, she could’ve just been mistaken. I moved in front of the mirror on my door, and lifted the back of my shirt, she was….right? The bottom of the scar had moved up a couple of centimeters. She really is something. I changed into shorts, and layed down, she healed me, and didn’t even notice.

-Akari Aizawa-

He…wanted me to be safe after leaving the hospital? That was why he doesn’t want me here? What can’t he admit because of me? I don’t hear everything, just the stuff that people say loud enough for me to hear. I’m not stuck in the past. I eat plenty, and I let myself have a lot of luxuries, like the punching bag. I say sorry, because it’s polite, and I’m not afraid of people, I like making other people happy. I think I worry about myself a lot. My seventh birthday…..I had tried to escape from him, but he pinned my arm with a knife, it hurt, but I needed to get away….

-Sunday, Katsuki Bakugou-

It was strange, I woke up this morning, and I thought it was all a dream, but it wasn’t, the scar really had faded, shrunk, it was dissapearing. 

I looked at my phone, THREE MESSAGES from Kirishima, great.

Hey, what’s going on? 

Sent: 8:30 P.M.

Seriously, are you okay? Why did Aizawa kick everyone out?

Sent: 8:45 P.M.

Why was Miss Aizawa in your room?

Sent: 9:15 P.M.

She got distracted, she thought it was her room.

Sent: 8:12 A.M.

Why was she distracted?

Sent: 8:14 A.M.

Is it because of what you said?

Sent 8:15 A.M.

About the caramel?

Sent: 8:16 A.M.

Sure.

Sent: 8: 20 A.M.

Hey everyone’s going  to the mall, shopping, the dorms are empty, you should come with us.

Sent: 8:22 A.M.

I put my phone down, I wasn’t doing shopping, too boring. I opened the door, to see a letter, sealed without a name, just Bakugou. Huh.

April 7th, Saturday

11:21 P.M.

Age 15

Dear Bakugou,

      I think I understand why you don’t want me here. I don’t really understand what is so hard to say when I’m around, but okay. And if you want me to not hear something, say it quieter. I’m not stuck in the past, I just can’t let go yet. I didn’t know you were the other person there, but thank you. I eat plenty, the fact that I eat daily is giving me more than I’m used to. I only say ‘sorry’ to people who deserve it. I still don’t know how you know about my seventh birthday, but that is something I would rather not have be common knowledge, please and thank you. I don’t have cold fingers, and I am always okay with whatever happens. I am appalled that you think I want to be hurt again, I know my quirk is powerful and that it hurt whoever was near me when I blacked out. And I have never been scared of myself. Sorry, for, you know, last night. I promise it won’t happen again. Also, I’m sorry for being so mean, and I hope you have a great day!

-Akari Aizawa

Oh, wait, what? She remembered what I said? 

Her door opened, “Oh, hi,” She said, now she was super shy, her hair twirled between her fingers.

“Hey,” I waved, then remembered the letter, “Oh yeah, what….what is this all about?”

She blushed, it looked so dark on her light skin, “Oh….I forgot about that, here I can take it back…” She reached for it, I pulled it behind me, “Hey, lemme have it.” She lunged for it.

“Why do you want it back?” I asked, holding it up, she was too short to grab it.

-Akari Aizawa-

Because of what I wrote on the back, “Because I wrote it when I was super tired, I don’t even remember what I wrote, so can I please have it back?”

I jumped for it, he twisted around, so I was facing him and he was facing the mirror, “No.”

I went for it again, this time using Bakugou’s chest as a springboard, holy~ he is pure muscle, I lost my concentration and fell, Bakugou dropped the letter and caught me before I could even hit the floor.

“Thanks.” I said as I leaned back to grab the letter, Bakugou dropped me, “Ow, that hurt,” I said, rubbing the back of my head.

“What’s that on the back?” He asked.

“Nothing, see you.” I got up and walked out of the door, but not before Bakugou grabbed my wrist.

-Katsuki Bakugou-

She was still too small, I could break her wrist with a small tug, “Nope, you’re coming with me.” I led her to the dining room and made her sit down.

“But I’m not hungry.” She hid the letter under her thigh.

“I don’t care, you look like you could break at the smallest amount of pressure.”

“And you feel like a rock.” I think she meant to whisper it, but she’s not that good at whispering.

-Akari Aizawa-

Bakugou blushed, wait did I say that out loud? I cleared my throat, “I assure you I am a lot stronger than you think.”

“That’s not any better than what you said the first time.” He chuckled, it was a musical sound.

I got up to make a bowl of cereal, something to make him happy. I got everything ready and sat down again, “Umm,”

“What?” His voice was light, but irritated.

“Sorry, I’m just not used to sitting down to eat when there’s other people.” I put my hands in my lap.

“Oh.”

-Katsuki Bakugou-

That’s right, she did it last time we ate together too, she picked at it, and waited until I was done so she could ask to clean up. 

“Yeah, sorry, I’ll just wait in my room.” 

“No, I’ll leave, just make sure you eat.” I took my breakfast and started walking away.

“Get back here, you shouldn’t be leaving, I’ll….find a way to be okay with it?” She was turned away from me, but she sounded so confused.

I walked away, I shouldn’t stay, she’s uncomfortable, and I can help so I will.

----

I had finished my food and was about to go take a shower, “Bakugou! Jerk, you left after I told you not to.” She was in front of me, she looked so angry, like a little ferocious bunny rabbit.

She’s cute when she’s angry, “Yeah, and?”

She stopped glaring for a second and stepped back, then realized that I was only wearing a towel, she covered her eyes, “Oh….sorry, I’ll leave you alone now,” She was bright red.

“Kay.”

-Akari Aizawa-

Pure muscle, but whatever. I walked away, he was so….gorgeous. I could feel him walking behind me, I just wanted to turn around and see the scar, see if I really had been dreaming. I went and sat on the couch, it was raining outside. Bakugou walked past the common room and towards the showers. I sighed, he was so gentle, it was scary. 

-Katsuki Bakugou-

I leaned my head against the shower wall, she was so anxious, as though me leaving was a way of rejecting her. I hope she knows that anyone who rejects her or had rejected her is stupid.

----

I walked out of the shower, music blasting in my ears, dressed, my towel on my hair, I was hungry. Hopefully she doesn’t see me, my hair wet looks weird. I walked out to the kitchen, trying to grab a snack when I hear the TV on. What is she watching? I peek over, she’s not even there.

-Akari Aizawa-

His hair was soaking wet, a drop went down his shirt, “Ow!” I accidentally bit my finger.

“There you are.” He took a breath of what seemed like relief.

I stood up, trying not to look at Bakugou’s damp shirt, “Where else would I be?”

“Nevermind.” I could see it, he pulled the wall back up, covering his heart.

In a second I reached out, I think I wanted to stop the walls from closing, “No.”

-Katsuki Bakugou-

She always seems to end up touching me and then getting super embarrassed, so to stop her from taking her hand back I put mine over hers.

She gasped, “Sorry…I know you don’t like me touching you.” 

Her hand was so cold, I pulled her close, she was freezing, “Are you cold?”

She didn’t say anything, just stood there frozen. I pulled her to the couch and made her sit down.

“I’ll be right back, don’t move.”

-Akari Aizawa-

Bakugou….let go, he squeezed my hand before leaving, what is that supposed to mean? He came back with a blanket and two books, he tossed the blanket on me and handed me the book, Twilight By: Stephenie Meyer. 

“What’s this?” I had never seen such a big book before.

“It’s something better to do then watch TV, so read or go away.”

He sat down on the other side of the couch, his socked feet up on the cushions, one hand holding the back and the other holding the middle.

I read the back;

About three things I was absolutely positive.

First, Edward was a vampire.

Second, there was a part of him-- And I didn’t know how potent that part might be -- that thirsted for my blood.

And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

“Really?” I asked holding up the book.

A warm blush came over his face, “It’s something my mom read, thought you might be interested.” 

“Oh,” This surprised me, why’s he got a book of his mom’s? “If I’m being honest….I’ve never really read anything like this before.” It was my turn to blush from embarrassment.

-Katsuki Bakugou-

“Oh yeah, I forgot,” Then it was silent, she didn’t want to admit that she wasn’t the best at reading and I was too scared to offer to read it to her.

“What’s it about, besides, vampires?” Did she really want me to explain it to her?

----

I ended up explaining it to her, she started reading it. But now she was asleep, somehow she fell asleep, on me. Her head resting on my shoulder, the sound of her breathing steady. When she was asleep she looked so calm, as though nothing had ever hurt her. I stopped reading and listened to the sound of rain outside. She smelled like rain, fresh and new. 

-Three hours later-

“Kacchan?” Deku’s voice came, pulling me out of my peaceful nap.

“Go away Deku.” I closed my eyes again.

“Why were you sleeping with Miss Aizawa?” 

Now I was fully awake, I vaguely remembered she was asleep. “I wasn’t,”

“She was asleep when we walked in, everyone else is exhausted, she woke up before you did.”

“Sorry.” She was now dressed in pajamas, a long sleeve blue shirt, and a pair of deep purple shorts.

“I-It’s fine,” I looked down, “Where’s…..”

“I’m still reading the book you gave me, it’s in my room.”

“Okay.”

I got up, pushing past Deku, why’d they have to come back? She needs her sleep, wait, when did I fall asleep? 

I saw Akari in the kitchen, she was singing, “Little bluebirds fly, reaching their wings up above the sky-” She turned around to see me and stopped, “Sorry, I’ll be quieter.

“No, I like it,” I looked her in the eye, “You have a gorgeous voice.” It was quiet, almost like no one else was home.

-Akari Aizawa-

I could feel the blood rising to my cheeks, when he’s around it feels like it’s just the two of us, “I don’t know how to te-”

“Come on Bakugou, we need you, real quick, come on.”  Kirishima pulled on Bakugou’s arm. 

“Hold on, what were you gonna say?" He was looking at me, hoping I would say something? "Akari?"

"Huh? Oh, nothing, it was nothing," I hid my face, "Go hang out with your friends."

"You sure?" I nod, he looks….disappointed?

Okay, then. I grabbed something to munch on and walked back to my room. 

-Katsuki Bakugou-

She….wanted me to leave….

"Hey, man, you doing okay?" Kirishima asked, waving his hand in my face.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I shoved his hand away.

"Really? Cause you look super disappointed that you were leaving…" Kirishima finished that sentence with a musical note, a very annoying musical note.

Was I? I definitely wanted to know what she had to say, but…she doesn't, so I'll leave like she wanted me to, "No….I'm disappointed that she's still trying to hide stuff from me."

Kirishima laughed, “Dude, you’ve only known each other for a week, don’t take it so hard, she’ll come around.”

“Uh-huh-”

“Though I’m not entirely sure why you’d want to know what she’s thinking.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” My fists clenched.

“Nothing, she’s just…..kinda fake.” He shrugged.

“Fake?”

“Yeah, like, she acts like she’s afraid to get close to anyone, you are the ONLY person she actually talks to without running away.”

“Really?” The only person?

“Don’t go looking so smug….” He hit my arm, “Seriously, she needs to be able to interact with other people if she wants to survive school here.”

“She can interact with people, you just have to be calm and look at where she’s coming from,” I shrugged his hand off of my arm.

“Oh? And I’m guessing that out of all of us, you’re the calmest one in our class?”

“No, I just know her better.”

“Tell me, why are you two so close?” I took a step back, “Oh no, you aren’t running away again.”

That made me stop, “I am NOT running away….I just don’t want to tell anyone, it’s not my secret to share.”

“Fine, where’d she go?” Kirishima walked out, “Miss Aizawa?”

We found her curled up on her bed with the door opened, reading the book I gave her.

“Yeah?” She looked….worried, “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, I just want to know why you and Bakugou are so close.” He sat down next to her.

“Oh…umm….I don’t know, probably because he was the first person to ever try and protect me. I guess I’m just more akin to people I’ve seen before?” She looked at me, looking for a sign of….something?

“No, I mean, why does he know you better than the rest of us?” I stepped forward.

@fakegingerrights @conquerius37 @sunrisemcash @wolves-write-in-moonlight @gummybugg @phosphophyy

Chapter Three

Chapter One

Chapter Two

[seraphimsinful]

Hello whats wrong w me :)