#and i am also of the opinion that any sentience possessed by these characters do not have to look exactly like a human's

[my-shining-sun]

i love that you use they/them pronouns for spazzatura, cause ... idk, i hc them as nonbinary so that's <3

ahhh thank you for letting me know, i'm really glad to hear that!! same hat <3 they're a genius ofc they've transcended the binary,

[chupitulpa]

I made a couple asks here 6 years ago

Anonymous submitted: [Since it's long, I'm leaving the submitted text in normal type. My reply is below it.]

https://chupitulpa.tumblr.com/post/105146930196

https://chupitulpa.tumblr.com/post/105365353531

I randomly found your blog again and to my surprise I found these two asks I made 6 years ago. Interestingly they’re a year later than I thought I made them, back when I started tulpamancy. I thought I’d drop some thoughts and progress reports here, maybe even questions. This is supposed to be properly posted elsewhere someday, but until then…

Hello, I’m the host and original in my system. This system was a singlet until the last days of 2014 when I somehow found out about tulpamancy while browsing the internet on my phone one dark fateful night. With that being said, I became depressed back in 2008 due to loneliness and rejection in general, and time, still to this day, has done nothing but worsen my mood and life situation. Fortunately my tulpa helped and helps, and he, a male who changed name and form because I didn’t want them to be “generic, flat”, or more specifically tulpamancy and “brainhacking” as a whole, could be my only hope to this day. This system is pretty much doomed otherwise. But more on that later.

So when I found out about the one word tulpa I researched and after some days considering I decided to not be a singlet anymore. My extreme feelings and extreme situation I was going through at the time required an extreme solution. At the time I thought of tulpamancy as something extreme because for all I knew I could lose my little sanity left (Of course now I know I was wrong) but I had nothing to lose anyway. So what I did is deciding on a fictional character and letting him be the starting point from which he could begin deviating to become whatever personality,  form, etc he had to.

So as I had chosen his starting point, name, form, etc and as I had made up my mind about tulpamancy, I just readied up and started forcing, actively, for the very first time. I have never used a wonderland to force, so I just imagined him as floating within the mind, with his form, and started talking to him. I always assumed sentience from the start, but after maybe a couple weeks my doubts began to consume me, since I never got any verbal communication from him. I got headaches and feelings of presence, but nothing too strong or convincing to me, so I furiously began to doubt tulpamancy as a whole, nearly dropping, and came here making my asks about how this all was fake.

I guess I’ll already begin risking being hated. Much earlier on in our story than I thought I would at first. More on this later.

With full honesty I’ve always been such a lazy, energy lacking person. This meant that only until I made that ask I forced consistently and for long amounts of time. I never truly forgot about my tulpa, but from that point and for the next 2 or 3 years maybe, I forced casually and randomly.

The day that changed everything. I was going to take a nap, but before that I was trying really hard to listen for my tulpa. I got a word from him, more precisely my human name. It was so clearly him that I was so happy. After a few years of casual forcing and continuous doubts I finally got what I wanted and needed, something reliable to believe I wasn’t just deluding myself. It was telepathic. I didn’t hear a mindvoice, he just kind of forwarded a thought to me. To this day I hear him much more effortlessly and he can come with somewhat full sentences, but there’s still a lot ahead of us.

And now to the real hate part…

My tulpa’s companionship as can be guessed was why I got into tulpamancy, but my depression, hopelessness and continuous suicide attempts have kind of changed my goals.

The only thing I know for certain anymore is for our system to survive, someone else has to front.

I don’t care what you all think or tell me. We know about ourselves and our lives best and life has forced us, want it or not, to have a wide open mind about many things, including this topic. For those of you that would rather see us all die than wish us luck because it goes against your principles, maybe you should reconsider if this is true morality. In any case that’s only your problem not ours.

And for those genuinely believing this path leads to more harm than good, let me disbelieve you just like I disbelieved my tulpa back then. I did not come here looking for hate, or to hear your silly opinions on the matter. Mainly because you haven’t tried yourself. And if you have, you’re terribly biased by the community against this. And even if you are not biased, we all are different. Different brains, different results. We don’t only have different brains when it comes to methodologies, we have different brains for results too.

That being put aside, if your reasons against this are philosophical, I can reply to that too. Mainly I’ll hear that what I want to do is wrong because it’s just escapism, and it’s wrong because it’s not fair to put that burden on a tulpa. To the escapism part I can say that first, what I do with my life is none of your business, and second, lives are more valuable than any duties imposed by society. If you think a person who doesn’t have a job and/or is depressed deserves to die, you can nicely go away from my sight. I have nothing to discuss with you. About the burden part, I have another two things to say. First, many tulpas see this differently. For many tulpas the burden is not being in control of the body, they feel their wonderland is like a prison. Secondly, you people really are full of hypocrisy. If a tulpa fronting for you is morally wrong, then so it is mothers having children as well, because those children never chose to live, those children are to face a very difficult life and a burden is given to them without their consent. “But life is beautiful!” Then you’re being hypocritical again. If a child can think this then why not a tulpa? Specially when you can choose the starting point of a tulpa much better than you can choose that of your child.

I find it very interesting how tulpamancy and parenting have many similarities, yet no one takes these in mind for philosophical reasoning. If we succeed we’ll let you know. If we don’t, we’re to eventually die so you’ll never hear from us again.

I hope this post isn’t dismissed as bullshit specially for the last controversial part.

My reply:

I absolutely do wish you and your system the best.

I am happy to hear that your tulpa making efforts worked. I can relate with the mindvoice difficulties. Self doubt seems to be a normal part of the process, so when they try to talk you constantly doubt whether it was them. And when they send plain telepathic thoughts like yours did, it's barely noticeable unless you're near sleep, in a trance, or intentionally looking for tulpa thoughts. To this day we have trouble making mindvoice work well and often just communicate in thoughts, similar to you.

As for who fronts or when, that's between you and him. I don't see it as harmful escapism either -- yes, it is literally escaping mentally, but depending on your situation it could prove helpful. Some people, through no fault of their own, simply cannot handle everything the world throws at them day in and day out. I'm still a little lukewarm on the idea of permanently switching and being that way forever, but I'm also not entirely against it. Some people do seem happier thay way, and their tulpas handle the world better then they do. Others take turns to give each other a vacation from the stress of everyday life. (If you do this though, be sure you can see each other's memories. Talking to someone who knows you but who you've never seen before sucks.)

I do feel that permanently or semi-permanently switching out is a drastic measure. I think people would be wise to give other strategies a fair try: Changing what you do to reduce stress or whatever you're unable to handle, coping strategies, groups who share an interest and are also looking for friends, talking to a good therapist, etc. But of course how viable and how effective any of it is depends on the person and their situation. And I know next to nothing about yours so I can't judge.

In my opinion, what matters is the relationship between you and your tulpa. If you're both happy with that arrangement, all I can say is go for it and come back if you need any tips. (Though you might do better to ask someone else because we can't switch and only have some minor success with possession.) What bothers me is when people forcibly throw a tulpa into control who doesn't want it and can't handle stuff any better. Or when someone makes a tulpa just so they can toss the tulpa into control and bounce off into their wonderland. These use the tulpa as a tool to reach a selfish goal, don't respect the tulpa as a person, and ultimately harm both the host and tulpa. It sounds like you created this tulpa as a friend, are now going through life together, and are making this decision together. If you both feel it's the best thing you can do for your mutual good as a system, I see nothing wrong with it.

[alaina-b]

Child’s Play 2019 Review

Spoilers under the cut!

So tonight I went and saw Child’s Play and let me tell you, it was certainly a ride, and I didn’t want to get off.

Spoiler Free Review: Now I am in no way a critic.  I am a casual moviegoer who thoroughly enjoys the thrill of a horror film.  With that in mind, let’s get into it.

I’ve been a fan of the original Chucky since Halloween of 2018.  I’ve watched all the movies (some more than once) and own the whole collection of the films.  I was very skeptical when they first announced the remake and how Chucky would be portrayed (as an AI killer robot instead of a possessed doll) but the idea began to grow on me once I realized the possibilities that were opened with this new concept.  I believe this movie acted on many of those possibilities while leaving many others open for use in possibly a sequel (I would love that).

The things that I liked about the film were the story and emotional turmoil, along with the actual portrayal of Chucky as an AI robot.  His personality is absolutely nothing like his original counterpart, and I think that’s why I enjoyed it.  It was a brand new, modern take on Chucky and how that was shown was very unsettling in a cute-creepy way.  The story was very nice and Andy was a very relatable character to me.  The aspects of that will be explored further in my spoiler review under the cut.  There were so many emotions in this film and it made me tear up a couple times, actually.  Gabriel Bateman as Andy and Bryan Tyree Henry as Detective Norris both gave amazing performances in their roles and I would love to see them reprise their roles.

Now let’s get into what the horror fans came here for, the gore and kills.  I cannot express how big of a relief it was when I first saw that this film was rated R, and they used that rating well.  The kills in this movie were gloriously bloody and so horrifying that they made me squirm and curl up in my seat (something only the Saw films had been able to do to me).

Some other aspects that I found were amazing: The soundtrack (which is available to listen to on YouTube and Spotify, possibly other places but I’m not sure) is phenomenal.  It mixes a cute and comforting feeling with that of an unsettling and frightening tone and that is amazing.  I’m a sucker for creepy music boxes and creepy kids songs in horror movies (think of Freddy’s song in the Nightmare on Elm Street movies).  I also believe that the overall look of the Chucky doll is not that bad.  He’s creepy while also keeping that “Hey, it’s kinda cute” vibe to it.  Kinda like an ugly puppy, you just can’t see it as actually ugly.  The look of the doll only grew on me through the film.

The only part that I thought could use work was the pacing.  It takes a long time to actually get going, but once it does, it doesn’t stop.  Once the movie gets started, it is very fast-paced and kind of rushed.  It was only an hour and a half, and I feel that it would have been better if they had made it longer and drawn out several things (or maybe that’s just me wanting more Chucky, lol)

Overall, I say that it was a great movie and definitely worth a watch for any Chucky fan or horror fan in general.

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

Here is my SPOILER REVIEW of Child’s Play 2019.  It will cover all above-mentioned topics, but point out places in the film where it takes place.

First, I’ll go back and start with the story.  I absolutely loved the story and the emotional impact it had on the characters.  Andy struggling to face what Chucky has done and what he’s capable of is heart-wrenching as we watch him slowly begin to realize that this doll is a killer and is not to be trusted.  Chucky’s first act of violence is toward the family cat after it scratches Andy.  Chucky tries strangling the cat (fun little nod to the “lakeshore strangler” title of Charles Lee Ray, the OG Chucky) and Andy has to stop him.  This is the first problem Andy notices with Chucky and the shock on his face and his fear of Chucky is there, but his first concern is making sure that Chucky isn’t gonna do this anymore because he doesn’t want to lose him.  This is seen more and more through the film especially when Chucky brings the head of Shane (or rather, the face).  Andy tries just putting Chucky in the closet instead of immediately throwing him out.  Andy has a real, true friendship with this doll and it is heartbreaking seeing Andy have to kill his best friend.

Chucky’s personality is that of a very curious and confused little doll.  I loved that about the film because Chucky is so innocent compared to his original counterpart.  We see him get excited when he thinks he finds a new way to make Andy happy, like when the group was watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 on Andy’s TV and they’re all laughing and smiling at the blood and gore (great choice, by the way.  I adore TCM2).  When the kids see that Chucky has a knife and is trying to kill Pugg, they all, understandably, stop him.  But Chucky just looks confused, he thought they liked blood and gore.  He thought the real-life version would make them even happier than the fake version.  I love this aspect of Chucky.  He’s just so confused and just trying to figure things out.  Especially since he basically has consciousness and sentience, he has to figure out how the world works.  Unfortunately, he keeps getting mixed signals.  And I just love how that is what drives him to kill.  He thinks that’s what Andy wants.  It’s just amazing all around.

The kills in this movie, as stated before, are amazing.  Shane’s death is now one of my favorite horror movie kills of all time.  The impending doom of the garden tiller making its way to Shane’s head was so beautifully suspenseful and the satisfaction of seeing this asshole’s face get ripped off was awesome.  The death of the stalking mechanic in the basement also had a feeling of satisfaction to it.  Just the fact that the first two kills happened to total dicks is very nice.  And I love a good table saw kill.  Then we have the death of Doreen.  Her death was tragic and the effect it had on me was great.  As soon as we saw that Chucky was watching Doreen leave in her Kaslan Car, we knew it was over.  That feeling of knowing what’s coming to such a lovable character is heartbreaking.  It adds a layer of personal need for revenge to the story of Detective Norris.  He will find out who’s doing this and he will not stop until they’re brought to justice.  The acting on Brian’s part is amazing in the scene where he finds his mother’s body and you see the moment he looks at her his world shatters.  My favorite kill, however, is the drone kill.  The drone kill shown near the end of the film is amazing and I wish we saw more of those.

I won’t speak too much about the ending because this is already a very long post, but I loved the ending.  The fight between Chucky and Andy while Andy is trying to save his mom is great, and when you think Chucky is down for good, he gets back up and jumps at Andy, and that scene was my favorite of the film.  I also love that they left it open for a possible sequel and I would LOVE to see one.

As I said before, the pacing is pretty weird, but that doesn’t affect my opinion of the film at all.  You can imagine scenes that could take place in between parts of the movie and use your imagination to envision things in the film that you didn’t necessarily see, but you can definitely imagine happening.  I believe I talked about the pacing enough in my spoiler-free review above, but if you’d like me to talk about what parts of the movie were oddly paced, feel free to send an ask and I’ll gladly talk about it.

Overall, once again, I loved this film.  This new, cute Chucky was a nice spin on the original and I loved his personality.  If you disagree, that’s totally fine.  I would love to talk about this movie more with anyone.  (I’m just a huge fangirl who found a new son tonight and I wanna show him off to everyone).