#and i also get blamed for everything i do and everything i dont
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storywestistrash · 24 days ago
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watched mouthwashing finally. the fact that i saw people be more aggressive towards curly than jimmy is kinda strange. kinda real weird
#mouthwashing#captain curly#jimmy mouthwashing#i saw people draw fanart of anya. pouring mouthwash on his exposed flesh? as punishment for failing her?#which okay. 1. i dont think shed like that. 2. are we seriously blaming curly for this more than. jimmy. the guy who DID IT?#like okay do not get me wrong. curly is to blame. he made terrible mistakes he did horrible things his inaction is inexcusable#he should have handled the situation better. if he couldnt 'take care' of jimmy (likely) he should have just at least#been there for anya. supported her and comforted her more than he did#im not saying any of it is untrue#hell the aus i saw where anya is angry with curly? where post-recovery shes genuinely mad and to a degree disgusted with him?#great! real! very reasonable! it makes sense it works its everything#but like. some of the people i saw were being straight up vile. for zero reason#'yeah curly deserves to be tortured and like skinned more by anya for closure because of what he did' HAVE WE FORGOTTEN WHO DID IT#WHY IS JIMMY GETTING LEFT OUT OF THIS CONVERSATION. ARE WE FORGETTING WHOS THE LITERAL ASSAULTER?#one of those people also said that if you ship anya and curly you should kys so uhhh not really taking that opinion seriously but. jeez#i dont ship them either for the record i just think telling people to die over it is a little excessive. thats the whole thing really#theyre being really excessive#on a similiar note i saw people say 'nobody on the ship is black and white in morality' and i agree with that about everyone BUT jimmy#for one simple reason. there is never ever a reason to rape someone. not EVER. everyone else has reasons. is complicated#and while jimmy is complicated too obviously that doesnt. like undeniably hes the worst. he is the worst because what he did is just#one of the only crimes that never ever has an explaination that means anything. its always evil
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princessdarth-vader · 6 months ago
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I think my ultimate thoughts re; Kipperlilly is that I wish we got a scene where a character was allowed to show her... sympathy. I know there's a tone you wanna hit with a victorious season finale, and a somber note of a teenager falling into a deep well of rage doesnt match that tone but it would've been nice to see.
In my dream world, we get an extra epilogue scene where Riz goes to see Jawbone to go and talk to him, and brings up the thing he mentioned about "seeing Kipperlilly in himself" -- relating that to what Jawbone said at the beginning of the year, and wanting to talk about that deeply set in need for control, and the latent anger he has, and all the ways he is like Kipperlilly, and doesn't want to be.
And in response, Jawbone is able to address the ways in which he failed Kipperlilly, and let her down. That she needed more help than he could provide, that she needed someone who wasn't too afraid of their own biases to shut down her anger, someone who could maybe have given her a support system to turn to instead of Porter. Someone external to the school and the social dynamics within it. Just an acknowledgement from, as far as we know, the only adult in Kipperlilly's life who earnestly tried -- and earnestly failed -- to help her find a better path than her rage.
Just a small moment of acknowledgement that Kipperlilly was a child, an angry, scared, biased and deeply insecure child who was looking for help when she first walked into Jawbone's office, and because of all the adults who failed her, she was turned into something unrecognisable by the time she was 17.
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alicentflorent · 11 months ago
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I didn’t sit here for years tryna stay calm and silent while listening to your bad takes on gale (who grew up oppressed, in poverty and then witnessed his entire district getting wiped out then rightly went to fight in the rebellion because it was his inlg chance of tearing down the system the wanted him and his family dead) being a “terrorist war criminal who is single handedly responsible for killing innocent people including prim and who is the REAL villain of the hunger games” just for y’all to turn and start stanning and defending actual facist dictator and child trafficker Coriolanus Snow because you saw a young hot version of him.
#i actually do enjoy coryo as a villain and liked his origin story but people are really making excuses for him? and they know what he became#gale hawthorne#the hunger games#anti coriolanus snow#tbosas#like even in tbosas he shows that he is a sociopathic narissist. he tries to be good but those traits are still there and he embraced them#as for gale he was oppressed his entire life and lived in the poorest part of panem and resents the rich who were complicit in his suffering#the things he does for the resistance were things he thought was neccessary to win to end oppression#the other option was losing the rebellion and getting tortured killed and allowing snow to cause a lot more suffering#do i agree w everything he does? no because he is a character with flaws but i dont blame him one bit for decisions after the genocide of 12#he has to live with the consequences of what happened during the war and what he had to do to survive#but he is not a bad person for fighting back and willing to kill to survive he also does not understand the toll it takes to have to kill#him and snow are the same age and they both choose survival but snow is choosing power for himself and restoring his families wealth#and gale is choosing to join the rebellion and willing to fight for the sake of the rest of his people and to put an end to the suffering#one creates an oppressive society and one is tearing down that society both do whatever it takes#wow i guess i have more thoughts on gales character than i originally thought and the comparisons with snow are interesting
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dukeofthomas · 2 months ago
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Not "Robin Jason was just an angry, violent, aggressive brat", not "Robin Jason was a perfect, innocent, complete sunshine child" but a secret third thing (Robin Jason was a child who'd suffered abuse and trauma his whole life and never got the proper tools to heal from it; he was happy and silly, and he got angry and could be difficult)
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deus-ex-mona · 1 month ago
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when the slowburn makes the ship extra cute~~~
#kimikawaii this week for sure!!!!!! (has been saying that since july)#ik the nghy payoff will be ✨sweet✨ but it’s kinda funny how hw are slowburning nagisa’s role in the series as a whole#mans has a grand total of 3 songs to date and only 1 has a cv ver#place your bets what do you think will come first? nghy duet or ariken duet#t h o u g h. ariken is also kind of a slowburn but we all knew they’d get together since ijiwaru release (shoutout to the og miku ver)#some say that ariken is still not canon in the novels to this very day#can’t believe we got arisa’s future career aspirations reveal before ariken canon in the novels smh#but i digress!!!!!!!!!!!! nagisa needs more action and attention!!!!!!#he did have kind of a ‘the bus came back’ moment with the izumo collab but we never saw his face again after that#(full cast merch doesnt count bc p. much everyone’s included in them except for the school nurse and kako)#so. all im saying is: slowburn nghy by all means. just dont slowburn nagisa’s character arc aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#now that mona mania has cooled off (to a degree) and chizusweep has mellowed out (somewhat) it’s shiranami’s time to shine!!!!!!!!#y. yeah. ik it’s harder to market him bc he’s a literal average (albeit handsome) joe but that’s part of his charm!!!!!#i mean!!!!! he can cook!!!!! he stans ft4!!!!! he’s devoted to the girl he loves!!!!!! he’s a dreamboat!!!! what more could you ask for?#but. i do have to say that nghy developments have been kinda awkwardly handled as a whole… esp with heroine ikusei#i think nagisa should’ve been introduced in heroiku or something… since he was planned from the start of hiyori’s development…#maybe they were trying to pull a ‘2nd love wins’ kinda parallel with kthn? but the ascana retcon made everything awkward huh…#i think it could’ve worked out in the mv-verse. like if they’d placed heroika+sukiuso after the fight+make up in herotaru#so the timeline would go smoothly from heroiku -> herotaru -> heroika#with hiyo realising that she’d be better off focusing on work and track after the asuka debacle + chizu fight#like a ‘forget romance!!! i gotta work hard and run hard!!! omg wait nagisa wdym you love me???’ kinda thing#but the [redacted] anime p much cut + pasted the asuka arc with the nagisa visit and. hm.#is this just an excuse to blame the clumsy handling of the nghy arc on the [redacted] anime? m… maybe…?#but it all still could’ve kinda worked out if they’d shifted the timelines around a little. y’know. since sukiuso mv has nagisa visit in oct#idk i think having hiyo learn how to doll herself up from lxl for her first crush (asuka)#and then using what she learned to yassify herself to meet up with nagisa would’ve been neater?#like a ‘hey look nagisa :) i applied what i learned from my pals :)’ kinda thing#or maybe chizu and juri could’ve helped her with the nagisa dressup scene post-herotaru fight… but i digress!!!!!!#hmmmmmmmmmm… well. this has gone way off topic… anyways nghy canon and cute that’s all byeeee#the dude from gamushara
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mamawasatesttube · 1 year ago
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saw someone being wrong about kon on the internet again (i know. shocking) and you are all so lucky i'm sick and feverish and lazy because i DID just seriously entertain the thought of writing up a small essay complete with issue and panel citations about why it's simply incorrect to say that kon never really seemed to reciprocate any sort of crush on tim before geoff/tt03. this is just not true. you dont have to actually ship them but to downplay their importance to each other even in the earliest days is simply incorrect. i'm too tired and achy to bother digging through comics to pull up all the issues that have the bits i want to point at but like... they were both very mutually important to each other from early on. it was in no way shape or form one-sided, whether you want to read that as platonic or romantic. man.
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rabbithaver · 19 days ago
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every so often i will see a post from a leftist on this website that is so egregiously ableist that i remember that like. oh yeah the userbase of leftists on this website is violently anti-disabled people and will jump at any chance to demonize any of us for any reason. i just forget that fact because i'm extremely dedicated to curating my space
i'm paraphrasing here but i saw a post that said, "every time i see an American [disabled person] mention being scared about the election because they're afraid of losing their benefits i have to laugh. anybody who wants blood-soaked money from the US government deserves to starve" which. like. goodness that's a lot to unpack. i think we should burn the whole suitcase instead !
#i inserted [disabled person] because they used a fucking slur instead and i didn't want that in my post#like i feel like there should be room for disabled people like me whose lives literally entirely depend on accessing said >#> extremely limited benefits in conversations about whether voting in this election makes you complicit in genocide#which like! i do understand. i do. it's nauseating to think about what this shit ass country is doing. it's horrific. i do not blame anyone#> for not wanting to be a part of that. *and* i am also terrified for my own life because i remember the first time trump won it suddenly >#> became IMPOSSIBLE for ANYONE to get on benefits. EVER. and so many disabled ppl i know went to renew benefits theyd had for decades >#> just to be denied. one of whom was a below-the-neck paraplegic. he died because he lost those benefits!!! because trump won#i really do understand why people dont feel right voting for harris. or why they don't vote at all. i truly do. but holy shit i am so scare#and yes! i am aware that people in palestine and gaza are suffering so much worse. and i wish i could change that#but every single person in power in the US is pro-israel and eagerly drinking the anti-palestine kool-aid. no matter who wins >#> things will not change in that part of the world. and it is infuriating. when the revolution comes this will change. but it hasnt.#the revolution will not save me as a physically disabled person. it will not save any of us. we do not matter to leftists. i am sorry but >#> this is the one thing i have learned after being in leftist spaces for over 10 years. and posts like the one i mentioned prove it#so i am very sorry. i really am. for being physically disabled. but i cannot survive another 4 years relying on my parents for everything#if trump wins i will be killing myself. this is a promise. i cannot do that again#i know it makes me a bad person to be afraid that harris will lose. but people on the left already think i'm a bad person for being disable#i want the genocide to stop. i absolutely do. i also want to survive. i am terrified that the US leftists will sacrifice disabled people#like me so they can feel good about being put in a real life trolley situation#again. im sorry. im so fucking sorry. i wish i was a better person. i wish i was able to give more. i know that if i was just a good#person i would be able to have a job and give to every palestinian gofundme on my dash. i would be able to do more than my daily clicks >#> and reaching out and calling representatives that don't care. if i was a good person i would be able to convince my parents that z*onism>#is deeply fucking racist. and that israel is wildly racist and killing palestinians for fun. if i was a good person i would be able to make#>them leftists too. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry im not good enough. im sorry that im scared. im so scared and it's not right for me to be#when so much worse is going on because of this countrys bloodlust. im sorry that im benefiting from being born here i dont want to be#im sorry for not having any other options. if i was a good person i know i would have them. im sorry. god im sorry im so fucking sorry
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gibbearish · 11 months ago
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btw its interesting the way james tries to imply that like. well the videos that have plagiarism are the ones our dumb stupid annoying patrons requested about bad topics that didnt deserve to have the effort put in to covering them well so basically its fine. like obv thats interesting on its own but moreso the fact that he doesnt actually /say/ it, or like. give a list of the videos hes referring to, just says "those videos are very clear on which ones they were" i think as a nod meaning like "yknow the ones everyones talking about". unless what hes meaning is that like they put a note in certain videos saying "this video was requested by a patron, we here at james somertom incorporated do not espouse these views" which seems unlikely to me. idk methinks maybe it's because there is indeed a lot more than people think and with all the buzz he's not sure which ones have been discovered yet or not, so putting down a solid list that missed some would look like he was still hiding things whereas putting down a fully sourced list would be admitting to wayyyy more than anyone's found yet
#which is ironic too bc if he genuinely did want to prove he understood what he did wrong and that hed changed thatd be the way to do it#yknow like a full list of every single source including ones no one has found on their own or /can/ find anymore would a) be taking full#responsibility and b) make people less likely to always be like 'youre still hiding something'#which in turn makes me super think hes still hiding a lot of somethings#also cant go without stating that the 'request a video topic' thing was only for $100/month patrons after 3 months on that tier#like fucker these people gave you THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS AT LEAST and youre trying to blame it on them??????#no one forced you to make 'let patrons pick video topics' a reward dude like. hello????????#shit dude even hbombs highest tier ($10 for anyone wondering bc he doesnt see his audience as a money machine lmao)#just says you can vote in polls about future topics#like that makes complete sense to me as a version of this‚ the most dedicated audience members get a say in the future of the#channel while the creator still gets overall control of the direction#also 'patrons who gave me fuckloads of money asked me to make videos on topics i didnt like so i plagiarized those' is i think uhhh#worse than just 'i plagiarize everything without remorse' frankly?#like at least with the second youre just a general shitbag but the first where youre a shitbag specifically to the people#majorly financially supporting you rather than just like. be an adult and say 'hm i dont feel like that topic really works for the channel‚#do you have any other ideas?'#or dare i say even perhaps yknow. doing what other youtubers do in similar situations and find ways to tie that subject#to what they usually talk about is just. wild#course that last one would take actual creativity and aint that just the crux of the issue#james somerton#or i say cannot go without stating i should say cannot go without restating kwnrkabdkwbrn
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lemongogo · 2 years ago
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vash w this hairstyle is literally so cute.. .. wolfwood matchies or smt T__T
#litearlly dont talk 2 me i saw the knives panel again and smashed everuthing inmy room and set myself on fire#am i wrong 4 thinking that he shouldve had a little more time.am i wrong for thinking this guy.having lived in terrible fear#his whole life 4 what he thought could happen 2 him. to his brother. DID happen 2 his sister#should be able 2 experience some happiness and comfort for once#like yeah the guy killed hundreds of thousands SUREE ok.AND??? let the guy breathe a little#BAHAHA no i think i do still agree w the ultimate ending of him using the last of his energy 2 generate that apple tree#its sweet and i do like the sentiment it was just. Too.soon after it was literally right after#and im like coughing and hacking and wishing.that he and vash couldve spent those few months living (somewhat) peacefully#and secluded.before everything that happened#i guess there is a bittersweet tinge to knives dying before vash woke up / could say gbye but idk.i just grieve 4 this guy#even if a clean redemption isnt like#feasible in a sense U KNOW!!!!!!! but then again i dont think. satisfying endings have to be clean cut and perfect#like he doesnt have to be redeemed i think. not everyone needs Redemption as it exists in its current form#&& i do think that even after all he did.comma.he wasnt entirely wrong?like you cant rly blame him 4 rejecting coexistence#based on the way plants have historically been treated (assuming he also telepathized with exploited plants after the great fall)#though not to say that his decisions/methodology is right ykwim#and i know yeaa yeaa there was a lot of hypocrisy in how he used the other plants 2 amass power#ok this is literally getting too convoluted there r so many conditional aspects to this but long story short i do thnk he deserved.#a little something at the end;______; even if just 4 me to see art of them together post-final arc .#< me dragging my knuckles in the sand w open wounds or smth#sry vash post turned into knives sadblogging EHAHEHA but its like the nature of this^ guys life anyways LMAO#trigun spoilers#trigun maximum#trigun#vash
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vermin-fangs · 26 days ago
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Being condescending to poor & disabled people who have less than you is definitely a good way to get donations, I'm sure that's really working out for the people you are trying to help. What's the exchange rate exactly for superiority points
#txt#yes i already donated what i could this month#no i dont have a social network to persuade#no i cant just rob my parents.#no i dont have a regular income i dont even have health insurance#there is a 99% chance that you have more money than i do because the amount of money i have is 0#so why are you blaming disabled people on tumblr for genocide instead of donating everything YOU have#why are you blaming everyone else when we are all equally horrified#youre not fucking helping#sorry my sarcasm is off the charts#but every time i see this crap i find it insidious#if reblogging when we dont have anything isnt enough i dont know what you want me to do#getting shitty with randos on tumblr is not the answer to a genocide perpetuated by the US government in a land grab attempt#like...WHAT are you talking about#anyway im going to keep reblogging fundraisers even when i dont have money#because i know it DOES sometimes reach someone who does#because sometimes that person has already been me.#yall are just making this shit feel pointless#I would also rather donate only to people who have direct connections to real palestinians on tumblr so that they can be easily verified#otherwise I would rather donate to a real charity organization like PCRF that regularly sends me updates on successful evacuations#than some random post or inbox message on an unpopular blogging website.#of the gofundmes i have donated to#i have not recieved ANY such update and still dont even know if my money went to a legitimate fundraiser.
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m00ngbin · 10 months ago
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Ohhhh I hate greys anatomy they're all SO. HORRIBLE.
#this is my second watch of it#and let me just say that im noticing so much more the second time#mainly how awful burke and derek are#YOU MET A GIRL IN A BAR AND YOU TELL YOUR GRIEVING GIRLFRIEND THAT THAT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF YOUR WEEK?? GO FUCK YOURSELF#OFC SHES NOT PEPPY AND HAPPY SHE JUST LOST HER SECOND MOTHER FIGURE AND HER FATHER THAT SHE WAS JUST#STARTING TO REBUILD HER RELATIONSHIP WITH BLAMES HER FOR SAID MOTHER FIGURES DEATH AND SLAPPED HER#AND THEN PROCEEDED TO COME TO HER JOB TO HARASS HER AND YELL ABOUT HOW SHES NOT ALLOWED AT THE FUNERAL#OFC SHES NOT HAPPY#WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO OTHER GIRLS AT THE BAR? WHY WOULD YOU TELL HER THAT THAT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF YOUR WEEK??? SHE IS GRIEVING#SHE IS GRIEVING AND YOU ARE ACTING LIKE ITS HER FAULT THAT YOURE UNHAPPY YOURE ACTING LIKE ITS HER FAULT SHES NOT HER USUAL SELF#YOU ARE THE WORST KIND OF MAN#YOU ARE THE WORST KIND OF PERSON#I HATE DEREK SHEPARD WITH A FUCKING PASSION#HES SUCH A GASLIGHTY ASSHOLE#and dont get me STARTED on Burke#YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO FORCE CHRISTINA TO CHANGE#YOU KNOW SHE DOESNT WANT THIS WEDDING BUT YOURE FORCING IT ON HER ANYWAYS BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU HAPPY AND BECAUSE YOU INSIST#THAT WHENEVER YOU FORCE THINGS ON HER SHE ENDS UP HAPPY EVENTUALLY#EVEN THOUGH THATS NOT TRUE AND YOURE JUST CONTROLLING AND HAVE NO RESPECT FOR HER#ALSO YOUR MOTHER IS IN LOVE WITH YOU AND ITS DISGUSTING#AND YOU BOTH WANT CHRISTINA TO GIVE UP BEING A SURGEON WHEN YOU GET MARRIED?? GO FUCK YOURSELVES#YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO RESPECT FOR HER#and dont get me started on thw way burke and all of christinas friends acted when that professor showed up#fake ass friends#HE LITERALLY SEXUALLY HARASSED HER IN FRONT OF ALL OF YOU AND YOU DID NOTHING#YOU THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY#IT WAS NOT#i think that christina should be allowed to kill everyone in seattle grace hospital#i could say so much more about it tbh#greys anatomy
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philosophicallie · 6 months ago
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ok time to try to blame someone else instead of me
#being dramatic but idk im also trying to think abt why i am this way#in part to the fact that i inherently view myself as a burden and always have since a child since i could like. comprehend the things my mom#was going through for my life & moving the america etc etc#but like yeah i was basically as independent as couldve been in the PH bc i had multiple ppl who could take me places and take care of me#but in the US it was just my parents and our family and our X amnt of cars#idk i just keep thinking about how much i miss doing anything in my life and how i used to be a dancer a martial artist a potter like#there was so much to me and now because i refuse to learn to drive and get a car i just. am locked out of everything#bc my aspirations cant work out on 1 vehicle in sparse & spread ohio#like idk maybe its the fact that i always was just like im not allowed to have friends im not allowed to go out in the summer#im not allowed to visit friends or extra places or events#never really been independent until i basically ran away and even now im just#only partially independent bc sure i have money and i have my own space but. im dependent on a driver and other ppls schedules and it just#idk i cant not see myself as a burden all i can think of is that im not a good enough woman let alone wife and thats something no one wants#like i barely know how to cook i barely eat i dont clean i barely wash i barely provide like. yeah idk also ever since i had a breakdown#i feel fundamentally just. changed especially about food. and idk i have been asking for others to cook for me more but i still am waiting 4#the next time someone says you can make it yourself and i starve for the next 24 hours#idk dude i literally cannot see myself as not a work of labor. its all mama ever ranted at me about. very verbally very constantly up until#i stopped being difficult with her being the head of the family of like 12#whatever. whatever#im done blaming someone else im gonna eat my words with regret and shame :/
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mainfaggot · 3 months ago
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the last time i felt emotionally fulfilled in a friendship was when i was 15, and before that when i was 13. im turning 21 next month
#my current close friends are really great but my depression gets in the way and it's really hard to tell them about my feelings lol#so i basically make my chronic loneliness worse by distancing myself and isolating etc#they still like me though... weirdly#well probably bc we're all mentally and emotionally unwell! we get one another's issues#but i cant bring myself to say a lot of things i would otherwise want to... since i feel so misunderstood#even when i have tried to talk about things they just dont process them the way im hoping they will#and it's not their fault!!! it's my fault for expecting someone to understand exactly what im saying when i say it#i almost always find words for things. i describe them in detail. and i think thats where things get too unique and too confusing actually#so they cant personally understand#like i said. not their fault!#i just miss this one friend i had briefly in 8th grade#i was getting outcasted from everyone in my own class. she was in the classroom next door#i don't remember how we crossed paths but we did and she was so smart and so understanding#and we just clicked#i remember running in a field with her. she was so.. everything#i miss her#and when i was 15 i remember talking about all of my mental issues with this classmate and we immediately saw each other as mirror images#it was crazy... we also had a lot of interests in common and we looked out for each other#she's doing a lot better nowadays which is why we're no longer in contact probably#it's hard to be friends when one of you is stuck in one place so i dont really blame her#we drifted apart anyway. i bet if i asked she'd still make time for me a few times a year#i just didnt ask because it felt like the mutual understanding we had ended#shes a different person now. and for the better too! i shouldn't interfere in her happiness#z.post
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foxcassius · 3 months ago
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i was bored to death at work on friday and wrote out some oc thoughts on marnin and selp and their personalities and i want to reiterate/summarize them here too
marnin is, first and foremost, careful, nervous, and guilty—he is quick to blame himself in any situation and is as careful as he possibly can be, especially around selp (when he is of his own mind). however, marnin is also curious and obsessive, and these things can build up and like consume his thoughts and cause him to act impulsively and without thinking. as careful as marnin tries to be in toeing the lines of their weird relationship, he is DEEPLY curious about everything about selp and of such an obsessive personality (and the two of them being isolated together doesnt really help keep his mind straight either) that he ends up crossing lines he normally wouldnt and then wallowing in guilt about it later. his guilty conscience also keeps him from picking up consciously on the signals selp puts out that beg him over the hazy, unclear lines between them; he picks up those hints only unconsciously, as they feed into his obsession, curiosity, and want.
selp, however, is putting out those signals at almost all times. for all that marnin is careful and reserved, selp is possessive and analytical and jealous. these might not be the first words you would use to describe him upon meeting him (or upon reading the story he features in), but they are his deepest and some of his strongest personality traits, especially in regards to the relationship he and marnin share. don't get me wrong, he tries to be careful with marnin. he knows marnin well and becomes very quickly acquainted with marnin's anxiety and conscience. this is why he doesnt push or act himself, usually. he doesnt want to frighten or distress marnin. but selp is obsessive to a whole other degree. marnin wants to know things; selp NEEDS to know every last thing about marnin in his efforts to "have" and "keep" him. it is why, especially in the beginning, selp takes so many more liberties asking questions, touching and investigating marnin physically, and making decisions for him. once they are on the ship alone among the stars and the boundaries between them begin to blur and selp sees how much this confuses and distresses marnin, that is when he takes more of a backseat role and encourages, flirts, asks leading, dangerous questions, and utilizes this new body language he has never tapped into before but that marnin reacts to. as little as selp understands the physical draw he feels, due to it not being a thing at all in olss culture, he thoroughly enjoys each heightening moment of intimacy between them and truly it is a feat of his restraint that he manages to maintain his more passive role as his need and obsession and desire to "have" increase as their encounters cross further and further into the realm of the sexual. i would say, especially in some of these ways, selp is manipulative, though i would try to argue he never goes too far with his manipulation, and marnin's guilt is entirely his own creation, as selp is always quick to assure him that 1) theyve done nothing wrong, marnin has done nothing wrong and 2) they BOTH acted, mutually
marnin is walking repression and restraint carrying simmering want that is forced to build and bubble over in outbursts that cause him, after the fact, to panic and apologize and beat himself up. selp is a vibrating, horny 600 year old who doesn't even know what sex is but wants it so so bad but restrains himself tremuously, waiting until marnin is on his wavelength and then sending out a steady stream of sub-atomic invitations to partake of his flesh. and they were made for each other.
#dont get me wrong selp is also genuine and sweet and loving#he wants to know EVERYTHING about marnin not just inspect his body sexually. and he is genuinely interested#he is a scientist after all. so he has a genuine scholastic interest in marnin's culture and language and biology#that goes along with his possessive wanting interest in those things#i feel like when im just describing their relationship i do selp no justice. he is funny + understanding + caring + protective + smart#and these are all a part of their relationship too!! but i have somehow struggled to figure out how marnins timid personality would ever be#brave enough to lay his hands on selp and do what both of them want so badly to do. and it does HAVE to be him i have tried.#when selp initiates physically instead of just sending out supersonic waves marnin panics and doesnt know how to react#when marnin takes the initiative and therefore CAN blame himself for a second he is easier to assure him and he gets a little less guilty#every time. after a certain point. he feels more guilty every time until he reaches a breaking poiny and they have an intervention#(marnin had shied away from verbally recognizing the fact that they wanna fuck each other bc he didnt understand it. also taboo.)#and then after the intervention he feels a little better and more confident each time they touch each other (half the time not even sexually#btw) until he is totally comfortable and confident in it#<- shoves all that to the side* ANYWAY HAHA THIS SAYS NOTHING ABOUT ME IN COLLEGE. HAHA THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME PERSONALLY.#MY OCS ARENT A REFLECTION OF ME WHEN I MADE THEM THEY ARENT. THEY ARENT.#t
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squipdop · 1 year ago
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sorry im a god gale truther btw i DO think he should get to usurp mystra and ascend to godhood and i do think that should be an absolutely awful thing to happen to him but also literally everyone else. sorry
#bg3#not main tagging this further bc its. mad man 1:30am rambles#but listen. mh.#ok so. heres the thing.#while i do think. their relationship was absolutely fucked. and yeah we can argue for grooming and or abuse.#i also dont QUITE enjoy how ppl make gale like. the poor poor totally blameless victim. like. mh#how to phrase this so it DOESNT sound victim blame-y. but like.#from how i interpret the things he told & what the game shows.#my mans REALLY struggles with No's and rejection. and i wouldn't just put that as a Mystra Aftermath Thing#he WAS forbidden from trying to ascend/was told by her she wouldnt make him an equal. and his response basically was.#'but let me prove i am worthy of this'#which yeah. plays into the fucked up self worth. ill get back to that.#plus the uh. touch the orb scene? he just. grabs your hand and pulls it towards him because he WANTS to show you this. Now.#any rejection within the relationship? I Should Blow Myself Up#he got that gifted kid energy of everything always came easily to him and yet it wasnt ever enough and the relationship w a literal goddess.#certainly didnt help that.#so hes constantly reaching for more. and thats a fault of his because he will do that even if told not to because#at the same time he thinks of himself as smart enough to actually Get to that More.#and yknow w the orb? he literally. got So Badly Burned. is it deterring him? nnnnnnot really.#and i think. godhood would. idk i think he could do it. and i think it still wouldn't be enough.#and having an all powerful deity who ALSO a) still never is satisfied with his amount of power and control and b) thinks he know better than#anyone and could do better than anyone#sounds like its gonna fucking suck#anyways im rotating this all in my brain + ofc the delicious bloodweave combo of ascended astarion + new god gale bc thats just. ough#the mess. of this combo.
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i need to stop forgetting things exist the fucking second they leave my field of vision. why is is impossible for two things to occupy my mind at once especially when im tired. like. i feel like a sim. i feel like actions are being canceled and i just. move on. and completely forget what i was doing moments before. i fucking hate it
#i feel like it’s getting worse too#like its always hasn’t been great but the past few weeks have been especially bad#why can’t i remember things!! why is my short term memory sucking ass!!!!!!#like if i don’t write/type things down i loose it#making me wanna rip my hair out what the fuck is going on!!!!!#gonna start playing those phone games that improve memory or whatever#it’s either that or going to my mom for an essential oil recommendation#i know it’s probably some undiagnosed shit but im also like. i can’t keep blaming whatever is wrong with my brain because its a problem with#/me/. ya know?? like. yeah it is something with my brain. obviously. but i need to take some sort of action to fix it. and i dont know what#that action is#besides the two options i said before#or carrying a fucking notebook around and writing down everything. which is stupid also and i know won’t last a week#problem is im gonna forget about any rule i come up with since as soon as im preoccupied with something else. i’ll forget the rule#i would need a hat with the reminder on paper tapped to the hat#so it’s always dangling in front of my eyes#i don’t know what else to do at this point!!!!#it’s making me so worried about going away for college. cause yeah i did really well at community. but if i have the deteriorating memory#of a goldfish who’s constantly banging its head against the glass. how am i gonna make it through university.#i love writing essays in the tags that no one will read <3#having a ball rn. a great time. not feeling like a waste of resources at all rn. feeling great.#if my mom doesn’t let me wear my earbuds tomorrow i think ill scream#anyways. gonna bake some blueberry lemon sweet rolls tomorrow#me rambling#i love being undiagnosed#but let’s be real#being diagnosed won’t give me anything other than more of an excuse#because i can’t go on meds with my current living situation#and i also don’t really want to go on meds because i don’t trust them#feeling silly i think ill actually post this one maybe someone has a suggestion for what to do#vent
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