#and i also felt gross from the dream so i came here

[lcriedlastnight]

Exes to lovers with Oscar: “what can i do? how can i fix this?”

idk how good i am at writing angsty stuff but here’s hoping i do you proud anon, lovely!

tw: fem!reader, not spell checked or proof read (cba bro it’s almost 4am), angsty (idk i tried), swears, lmk if you want to add anything else.

w/c: 2.3k

you hadn’t seen oscar in almost a month. the breakup was not the amicable, it was all oscar’s idea. not to play the name game or anything.

he was the one who ended things a month ago. your lives were just ‘too different’ right now and you were going in ‘different directions’. he was the one who had made sure he left no trace of himself in your apartment. he was the one you cried about when it got late and you felt lonely. most importantly, he was the one who acted like nothing had even happened.

people were commenting on your instagram posts and stories constantly asking where oscar was. it felt like getting kicked while you were already down. you stopped posting altogether after that.

it took you this whole month even be able to live your life again, before you were just existing. lando was the one to pull you up by your bootstraps and help you get your life back on track.

“i hate seeing you like this!” the brunette had begged you, a few weeks before, to go out clubbing with him and george.

“it’s just not my scene, lan. you know that. i’d rather just lay in bed all day and listen to the saddest songs on the tortured poets department.” you told him from somewhere between your messy bedsheets.

lando sighed and sat on the side of your bed. “c’mon! laying here crying about it will do nothing.” you knew he was right but it would do too much to his ego if you told him so, plus you also wanted to rot in this hurt for a little while longer.

“maybe next time.” you had offered. both of you knew you were lying.

the time came when lando finally made you face your problems head on, when he made you join him the monaco grand prix. with promises of not having to stay in a hotel and his company (you didn’t know if either of those things was something you wanted right now) the whole weekend, you eventually agreed. whether you agree just to shut him up or because you knew you would run into oscar… well it was a tie.

you lay tossing and turning in the guest room of lando’s, you couldn’t sleep for thinking about the man who has haunted your dreams for the past month and graced them for a year and a half before that. you decided to give up on getting sleep for now, turning onto your side you plan in your mind how you wanted the next day to play out. you were unsure if you should go for making him jealous of making him feel bad for you, eye bags and depression written all over your face or dolled up to the nines. in the end you decided on making him jealous. what good would looking gross at one of the most high profile races of the year - in front of your ex, no less - do you? you eventually fall asleep planning your outfits in your head.

the next morning you woke up with plenty of time to get ready, giving yourself plenty of time to get ready. lando, being your best friend, had the privilege of getting up at the arse crack of dawn, just as the light started to shine through his curtains, to ‘get ready with you’ as you had put it. he would put it as ‘you getting ready and him watching until you were almost done, then getting ready himself’. same thing basically.

“put that one taylor swift song on i know.” lando asks from his bed as you sit in front of his floor length mirror. you make eye contact from the floor.

“which one is that? she has like a million?” you question, you obviously being in charge of the music. lando groans as he turns onto his front, his groan becoming muffled by the bedsheets. you roll your eyes at his dramatics.

“i’m just gonna put folklore on then.” you tell him, picking up your phone from beside you where it was currently charging. lando near enough leaps from the bed at your words.

“no! that album is depressing! that’s not today’s vibe!” his hands reaching for your phone.

“what is the vibe for today then?” you ask, going back to blending out your light eyeshadow.

you can sense what lando is going to say before it even comes out of his mouth. “reputation.”

the start of ‘this is why we can’t have nice things’ plays through the speakers your phone is connected to in his room. you really try to hold off from telling him that reputation has more love songs on it than he thinks but you can’t help yourself. lando is surprised at the news and asks what album has the most repuatuation vibes.

you sigh. “i made a playlist. just play that.”

once you had finished your makeup, lando starts to get ready as you fish out the outfit you had planned out in your head last night out of your bag. you knew it had to be good, seeing as this was the first time in a month that oscar will see you.

a month wasn’t really that long, you both had been apart longer when you couldn’t make it to races and he had shit to do in training, but this separation was different. it was permanent and because of that it felt like years since you had seen oscar. double that, the last time you spoke to him.

“y’ready then?” lando asks, grabbing his car keys. you follow behind, your sundress swaying with the movements of your legs as you grab your clutch bag, filled with random items you knew you probably were never going to touch for the rest of the day. you nod, slipping on your heels and head to the car, right behind lando.

arriving at the paddock didn’t feel as weird as you thought it would. the flashes from the cameras almost blind you both as you walk in together. most reporters asking if you had cheated on oscar with the tanned brit.

as usual you ignore them and strut harbouring a false sense of confidence as you walk side by side with lando.

you stick to lando’s side of the garage during qualifying. some of oscar’s engineers notice you and give you a wave, not wanting to be rude you wave back. you watch q3 nervously, a part of you- way deep in the back of your brain - wishes for oscar to well and it’s looking like he could even get pole for the first ever time in a proper f1 race. his qualifying last grand prix weekend had really impressed you (not that you were watching him or anything. you were only watching to support lando) but had also made you think that oscar had made the right decision with your breakup.

as you watch on during the final few minutes of q3 you feel a camera pan on your face from the corner of you eye. you pretend not to notice, scared incase on the screen it still calls you oscar’s partner. not that you would know, but if you forget about the camera then you’ll most likely forget about it all as a whole.

lando qualifies fourth. oscar second. a great weekend for mclaren. a podium basically already in the bag for the, usually, papaya team. as both cars make their way back to the garage, you stand off to the side, waiting on lando.

the boy in the fluorescent helmet jumps out of the car and almost sprints to the opposite end of the garage, to oscar’s side, eager to congratulate him. you watch as the boy takes off his helmet and balaclava to wrap the australian up in a friendly hug. the latter not even getting the chance to take his own helmet or balaclava off before the arms of his friend wrap around him.

you just watch from afar, wanting so badly to be the one feeding oscar words of praise and excitement about the race tomorrow. you see them both converse as you try to act like your not staring, suddenly remembering the cameras lingering around. lando finally peels himself away and makes his way back to you. oscar’s eyes follow him to you. you don’t know if he’s surprised to see you or not. not like you even care anyways.

“well done lan!” you cheer, maybe a bit too loud than normal. your arms wrapping around his fireproofs in a tight hug, copying his own actions to his teammate minutes before. you hoped oscar was watching on.

“thanks bro!” lando laughs in your ear, happily as his results were improving every race. you also laugh at his choice of words.

“bro?” you ask through a giggle. the giggle drawing the attention of oscar again, who had tried to forget about your presence but felt like he was getting harshly reminded of the grave mistake he had made.

“you’re my bro” is all the explanation he gives. it’s not like he’s lying to be fair, you were his bro. he lets go of his hold on you then talks about his plans for tomorrow night.

“is it not a bit too early to be thinking about tomorrow after the race already?” you ask him, as if you’re not used to this at the end of every saturday.

“i should be at the club” he shrugs as he drags you to his race room. directly next to oscar’s. you know this hallway like the back of your hand.

you hear oscar’s footsteps behind you and lando as he tells you every thought he had during the flying laps. you trying so hard to listen but all you can think about it how much you want to turn around to oscar and bag him to take you back. but you’re not doing that. that would, well that would just be a new low for you.

“i just knew osc would be quick, didn’t think he would be quicker than me. he’ll probably be on the podium tomorrow.” lando comments, offhandedly. both your’s and oscar’s ears prick up at the mention of oscar’s name.

oscar strains his ears as you stop just in front of lando’s door. he tries to keep a safe distance, not wanting to alert you both of him.

“yeah?” is all you say. lando snorts.

“you could at least act like you care.” lando says as he opens the door to let you both in. that’s when you both hear the heavy, quick footsteps of oscar rushing to you before you enter lando’s driver room.

“hey-uh can i talk to you?” oscar directs to you, eyes not even trying to shift in lando’s direction. you hesitate. why was he acting like he hasn’t just broken up with you.

“please?” oscar practically begs. lando gives you an encouraging nudge before disappearing into his room, leaving you no choice but to stand in the hallway with oscar.

it’s quiet before you speak up, words a little uneasy and shaky. “what could you possibly have to say to me?” you question him.

“please don’t be like this. i can’t do it.” oscar’s voice is weak and almost pathetic. you scoff at his words.

“you’re being serious? where was this when you broke up with me?” you seethe, feeling your anger build. oscar looks hurt but you see a glint of something you can’t decipher in his eye and it makes you miss him even more, you can’t stand this.

“what can i do? how can i fix this? fix us?” oscar looks down at you with wide eyes. you swear they look glassy, like if he blinks too hard tears he’s so clearly fighting will slide down his cheeks.

“fix us?” you ask, confused. “you want to fix this?”.

oscar nods eagerly, gathering your hands in his and pressing them against his chest. “i can’t bare this without you. i’m so stupid for thinking that breaking up was the right thing to do. i miss you in everything i do. all i could think about out there was if you were still mines how i could go celebrate this with you. i don’t know if i remember how to live without you, baby.”

you only stare at him. your face betraying you by showing oscar every little feeling that flashes through your mind.

“it’s been like this since miami. you should’ve been there. i’m sorry. i’ve ruined this for you. and i know this is me being selfish but i need you to come back to me.” the grip oscar has on your hands get a little tighter as he begs you to forgive him.

you feel your bottom lip wobble a little before you pull your lips in a tight line to pull yourself together. “i miss you too. but you hurt me.” you say, cautious and wary.

oscar makes this pained noise like he’s been winded as your words hit him. “i know and i’m so fucking sorry. what can i do to make it up to you? i’ll do anything i swear.” oscar was clearly not above begging for you to his again.

you think for a second, eyes avoiding his and instead looking down at the floor. seeing as oscar can read you like a book he knows what’s coming next. you’re gonna reject him in a way he knows only you could and cry too, because you will feel bad, you’ll feel bad for the monster who broke your heart. how could he even think he would have a chance at getting you back?

you surprise him by speaking up softly. “maybe a trial date?” you suggest. oscar’s head nearly falls off from how quickly he nods. never agreeing to something so quickly before in his life. he’s going to make this the best date you’ve ever been on in your life.

[short-honey-badger]

Peppermint Tea 29 - Chamomile

Heyyyy guyysss. So I am FINALLY back with an update. I've had some other works get in the way *Crocodile and Hazbin Hotel ahem*

I've worked on this when I can and it's a bit longer than my usual chapters. Sorta of an introspection chapter. Our girl has to do a lot of thinking. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy! Also! I've used A LOT of the live action gifs. I'll be swapping to anime!

Warnings! None I don't think? Drinking.

Link to Ao3! -> Here

Masterlist

Being pregnant is weird. You ache in weird places, and your feet constantly hurt. You hated how emotional you'd become and how much you still longed for the familiar comfort of your boys. You missed the easy companionship and the warmth of their love for you. How they held you close whenever you wanted and went out of their way to bring you little gifts. But then you are reminded that Shanks and Mihawk are nothing but liars and are left wondering if anything that the three of you shared together meant something to them. 

It's a horrible way to think, and it makes you feel guilty, but you can't help it. What else could they have lied to you about? Shanks had told you he loved you early on, but Mihawk had never uttered the words once, preferring to show you how much you meant to him. But were you just play thing with them? A convenient source for both men to use? You didn't know, and it made you even more upset thinking about it. 

Your tummy moves, and you glance down at the sight of your baby squirming. You can't help but grimace at the weird sensation. Your baby is always moving, never allowing you the rest you desperately want, and it's just one more thing to stack on top of all the rest of your woes. Sometimes, it felt like the growing bundle was punishing you for sending your boys away, especially with how much worse you've been feeling lately without their presence. 

Shanks had been so happy to find out that you were pregnant, but he was less enthusiastic about the more gross details and what came with raising a child. He had promised you over and over that he would be there to help, but that he'd definitely have to get used to it. 

The redhead drops to his knees, arms wrapping around your thighs as he presses the side of his face to your tummy. It's hardly a bump, but Shanks loves the growing bundle inside of his treasure all the same. He kisses your stomach, lips lingering there as he imagines a tiny redhead running around. 

Mihawk stands behind you, still over the moon with the news. He was worried, very much so. Even if your pregnancy and birth were smooth sailing, that meant that Mihawk would have one more person in the world that he would need to protect. It terrified him, but running was the last thing on his mind. In reality, the hawk couldn't get over how radiant you looked and planned to worship every inch of your body until you begged him to stop. 

You frown and push the memories aside. Maybe they hadn't been lying to you about everything, but both of them knew that you had no idea who you were. How could they have kept that from you? Why had they waited so long to tell you? 

You would have forgiven Mihawk if he had been truthful to you from the start. You were desperate for any kind of company then and had become spoiled on his, so you hadn't thought to question his words back then. But now that you are thinking about it, you can recall how Mihawk had hesitated the day you first told him of your “dreams”. 

You would have been upset, yes, but you didn't love Mihawk back then. it would have been much less of a betrayal, but his decision to wait had made it one of the worst things he could have done. 

You had an older brother out there who you didn't even know existed, a connection to your past, but Mihawk was too fucking selfish too see that. Damn, now you're just getting angry. But maybe that was good? Maybe you needed to let it all out. You stand from where you'd been curled up on the couch. You have the sudden urge to move. It's been days since your boys left and you've done nothing but lay around and sulk.

Hank jumps up after his human, dark eyes sparking up in excitement to see you finally up and about. He follows after you and lets out a low yip to grab his little brother's attention. Sukuna would kill him if he didn't wake him up. 

The orange fluff ball appears within moments, greeting Hank with a yowl and rubbing up against your legs. You crouch to love on him for a second before you continue on, manic energy coursing through your body. They follow their human to your bedroom, and you prop open the door, intending to start deep cleaning the room. You've let too many clothes pile up. 

Hank lays under your vanity, and Sukuna squeezes in beside the mutt, big golden eyes never leaving you. They can smell Your raging emotions, and neither want to accidentally get in your way. 

You start in the corner, lip curling up in annoyance when you immediately find a pair of Shanks’ pants that he'd left behind. You chuck them to the floor, and soon, it becomes a growing pile of clothing that both men had left behind. You pause once you reach a familiar white shirt, hesitating in tossing your favorite to the pile. 

Hank whines when he begins to smell your rising distress and crawls out from under his hiding spot to go to your side. He doesn't like that his human has been so upset lately and is curious as to why her mates haven't shown back up to take care of her. Hank knows that they had a fight. It's why he had gotten in between his human and the one armed man, even if Hank really liked him. 

You turn to your dog, a sad smile on your lips as you hold the ruffled and well-loved shirt close to your face. Hank whines again and presses his face into your side, trapping the shirt between the two of you. 

“Oh. Alright. I guess it'd be okay to keep this one, huh, buddy?” You murmur and gently shove Hank away so you can lift the shirt you're wearing now and toss it into your hamper. You shrug on Shanks’ shirt, snickering when the material grows tight around your swollen belly. You can't help but think that wearing the shirt feels like the redhead is there with you, wrapping you up in a hug. 

You blink as your vision swims and quickly stand, going to the pile of their clothes and shifting through them until you find a large overcoat with delicate designs. 

It's during a rare storm on your island that Mihawk decides to show up. His coat and hat are completely soaked through, and the warlord feels more like a wet cat than anything at that moment. This must be what Sukuna feels like when you give the poor cat a bath. Mihawk emphasizes with him. 

He barges into the cottage like he owns the place, scaring the hell out of you from where you sit in the living room putting together a puzzle that he'd brought you on a previous visit. The piece you're holding goes flying into the air, and you level a glare at the soaked warlord. 

“I'll never find that, you know!” You shout after him as he trudged to the bathroom. He ignores you, closing the door with a snap and quickly undressing. He hangs up his coat to dry and then hops into the now steaming shower to wash the cold rainwater away. 

Mihawk joins you back in the living room half an hour later, dressed in nothing but sleep pants. He settles down on the floor behind you, tugging you close to his chest and hooking his bearded chin over your shoulder. He presses an apologetic kiss to your neck. 

“I'll buy you another if we can't find the piece later,” Dracule promises. You give a satisfied nod and smile, leaning back into his chest.

“I'll hold you to it.” 

Mihawk never took that coat with him again. 

You stare down at the dark coat, licking your lips before, ultimately saying screw it and sliding your arms through the sleeves. It's massive on you, dragging the floor and swallowing you up, but it brings you that comfort that you desperately need right now. You clutch the lapels of the jacket close, sniffing pathetically as you sit in the middle of the pile of clothes. Fuck. You miss them so much. 

Sukuma meows at you and makes a show of walking on the shirts and pants that surround you, sniffing at them before making biscuits and settling in. Hank plops down beside you, and you can't help the water laugh that escapes. 

“I dunno if it's sad or not that the two of you can communicate with me better than a human being,” you quip and let yourself wallow in pity for a little while longer before you stand. You sigh and gather the clothes up and place them in the ditty laundry with everything else. You don't have the heart to get rid of them, not when you can't even decide for yourself if you want them to come back or not. 

Sukuna and Hank share a look as they follow you around for the rest of the day. They don't dare leave you alone, not when you reek of sadness and self-pity. Hank does his best to make his human feel a bit better, bringing you his favorite toys and being a big goof when you toss his ball. Sukuna made sure to keep close, his purring, a constant, thunderous roar that drowned out the sad little voice in your head. 

~~~~~~~

Their company makes you feel better, but you are still down and miserable a couple of days later. It's been just over two weeks since you sent your boys away, and you've had a lot of time to think during that time. You aren't nearly as upset with Shanks as you are with Mihawk. The redhead had only gone along with Dracule's dumb ass decision at Mihawk's discretion, so you didn't think it was very fair to be so upset with the Emperor. 

You were still angry with him, but you could forgive the redhead. 

You still hadn't found a good enough excuse for Mihawk, however. His lying to you had been nothing but selfish desire to keep you his. You don't understand how keeping such information from you could be considered keeping you safe, but then you think back to what Shanks had told you the morning before everything had gone to shit. 

“Sometimes Mihawk thinks he knows what's best for us, even if he goes about it the wrong way.” 

Well, wrong he was, but in a weird way, you could almost see his logic. 

Your family, your home, your kingdom, it was all gone - destroyed by Big Mom and her family. You'd been so young, six years old, when it happened, that other than the same memories that plague you nightly, you hardly remember your family or your home. Aside from Tomura, and even then, the memories were vague at best. 

Did it make you a bad person if you stayed with the man who had killed the people who lived on your island? Your apparent subjects, because you're some long lost princess? Not that you being royalty mattered, not to you at least. Why would you want all that responsibility when you've lived such a free life away from the rest of the world? How can you grieve for something you've never known?

You hated all these new questions and doubts that his confession had brought on. You almost wish that he'd just kept his mouth shut, but then you think about the brother that is still a mystery to you. Tomura had been your only friend as a child, and you wish you could ask him what he thought about all this.

A sudden pounding on your front door has you jumping out of your skin, and fury rushing up your spine. Really? They couldn't even stay away for a week? 

You stomp over to the door, a curse on your lips that sputters out the moment you see who exactly is at your door. 

“Perona?” You demand, brows shooting up. 

The pink girl barges in like her father figure, strutting into your home like she owns the place. 

“Wh-what are you doing here?” 

“Coming to see you, duh,” Perona quips like she busts into your life on the daily. Which she does not. She plops on the couch, sighing dramatically, “I couldn't stand another day being around Mihawk. He's not stopped moping since you made them leave.” 

Her words catch you off guard. Perona had come here to complain about Mihawk to you of all people? Was she crazy? Perona opens her mouth and spouts off before you can get a word in. 

“I'm surprised he even got inside the castle as drunk as he was! The humandrals probably stayed away because of how badly he reeked!” 

Your mouth grows dry. You didn't think that Mihawk would be the one to go off into a drinking stupor, and despite yourself, you still felt concerned for the older man. Mihawk was such a recluse, and it had taken months for him to open up to you, and who knew where Shanks was. You had expected the men to at least find comfort in each other. 

“Shanks isn't there?” You ask her and take a seat in Mihawk's armchair. You haven't been able to bring yourself to call it yours again, even in your head. 

Perona shakes her head, sending her bouncy pig tails flying, “Nope. Not that I saw anyway. But enough about him. How are you doing? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?” 

You smile at her concern and push down the emotions that threaten to swell up like the ocean and pull you under. 

“I'm okay. The baby is okay. A lot more squirmy than usual, actually.” You assure the other woman and smooth your hand over your stomach. You are wearing one of Mihawk's shirts today, a brilliant red in color styled in his usual fashion. 

Perona squeals in happiness and claps her hand, “Oh good! Can I feel it?”

You nod and watch with a soft smile as the younger girl kneels by your seat and gently rests her hand atop your coveted belly. She giggles when the little one kicks her hand almost immediately. 

It's quiet for a while, and that concern for Mihawk resurfaces with a vengeance. You lick your lips, and Perona seems to feel the shift in the air, for she sits back and plops back on the couch. She watches her friend, feeling guilty and sorry for the other woman. It wasn't fair. 

“Mihawk told me what happened. Well, more like he drunkenly yelled about it and threw a lot of things, but still. I wanted to come see you. Are you seriously okay?” 

Her big eyes are full of nothing but worry for you, and you feel the walls crack and break under her kind gaze. 

“Ah-no not really,” you admit quietly and sweep your hand through your hair, “I guess I didn't realize how much they were picking up my slack around here. Being pregnant fucking sucks, and I feel horrible for missing two men who betrayed my trust.” 

You sniff and force the tears back. You are so sick of crying. Sick of feeling like crap, and you just want everything to go back to the way it was. 

Perona stands and gathers you in for a hug, and you gladly bury your face in her shoulder and cry. It feels like it's been forever since you've had any kind of human interaction, and having Perona here has broken you. She holds you until you've stopped crying, and then when you let go, the ghost girl lopes to the kitchen to fix the two of you hot cups of tea. The warm drink does wonders for your sore throat, and you let yourself relax back into Mihawk's chair. 

“I think you sending them away was the right thing to do. For now, at least,” Perona begins, and you glance up at her from over the rim of your mug. She sits criss cross on the couch, and you smile when you see that Sukuna has curled up in her lap. Big fluff ball only liked girls. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean that this alone time gave you some time to think, right? I know Mihawk did bad, and I told him more than once that it wasn't okay that he was keeping that from you, but, _.” 

You look at Perona when she says your name, and you frown at the insurge of wrongfulness that swims in your chest. You don't know if you want to hear this. 

“He's a disaster. I've never seen him like this before, and maybe you could give him a second chance? Maybe give him a call to know that you're okay?” 

Mihawk had become Perona’s guardian and father figure all rolled up into one big surly warlord. She loved him and hated that Dracule was wasting away alone in the castle at Gloom Island. He deserved to be happy, and the ghost girl knew that you and Shanks were the only two for him. 

You stay quiet. Could you do what Perona asks? The more you think about it, the more you come to the conclusion that yes, you could definitely do this. You wanted to talk to Mihawk. You needed to see how the older man was doing. 

“Is he really that bad?” You ask softly, and Hank seems to notice the stress that coats your tone. He rises from in front of the fireplace and lays his big head on your lap. You slid your fingers into his fur and found that easy comfort. 

“He won't stop drinking and yelled at me when I tried to take his booze away. He won't eat, won't shower, and hasn't trained since he got to Gloom.” 

It's one nail in the coffin after the other, and you find yourself up out of the chair and to the snail transponder that you've intentionally forgotten about. Your hands shake as you dial the familiar number, and you glance to the living room to see Perona giving you a double thumbs up. 

CA-LICK

“Who the fuck thinks that they can call this number.” 

Gods. Perona really wasn't joking when she said that Mihawk was a mess. He sounded sloshed, voice thick with alcohol and lack of sleep. 

“Mihawk? It's me,” you say quietly, and the silence is loud even over the phone. You close your eyes and picture the look of shock that the warlord no doubt has. 

“Angel? You called?” His voice is full of disbelief and aching hope. 

“Perona asked me to call you. She said you aren't…doing very well.” You finish lamely. It's never been this awkward between the two of you before, and you do not like it. 

“Oh, so that's where she ran off to. You shouldn't worry about me, Darling. I'm perfectly fine- oh!” 

You jump when you hear a loud crash over the receiver, “Mihawk? Are you okay?” 

“I'm fine my dear. Only tripped. I'm quite clumsy today,” Mihawk slurs and you crack a smile at his uncharacteristic behavior. You hear him shuffle about and settle down in a chair, voice sobering up just a bit as he focuses on speaking. 

“It's good to hear your voice, sweetheart. I missed you something terrible, you know? Are you doing well? Is the baby okay?” 

You can hear his voice catch a frantic edge, and you are quick to reassure the warlord. You dont want him sailing across the Grand Line sloshed. 

“We're both fine. She's been a little more rowdy than usual,” you say quietly and bite your lip, a tiny sigh leaving you. You rub your tummy, eyes sliding shut, “She misses her daddies. So do I.” 

It's quiet on the other end of the line, just the sound of Dracule breathing. It's honesty nice to hear, and you find yourself relaxing again the wall, head thunking against it. 

“...I'm so sorry, Angel. What I've done to you is irreversible. I wish that I could take it all back.” 

His apology hurts. You want to forgive him for his sins, assure Mihawk that nothing had changed and that he could come back home. But you couldn't, even if he had saved you and your brother at the end of the day. 

“You can't, Mihawk, and I don't know if I can ever forgive you,” you hear his lungs hitch on the other end, a sharp intake of breath that sounds near painful. You look down at your growing belly, tears spriouting, “But it isn’t fair to you to keep you away from her, and- and I don't think I can do this without you.” 

“Her? You think the baby is a girl?” 

A smile plays your lips. Of course, that is what he picked up on right now. 

“I just have a feeling, is all,” you admit to him. You hum quietly, and thousands of miles away, Mihawk relaxes in his armchair for the first time in weeks at the sweet sound. 

“ …You would trust me around her? Around you again?” He asks you, and Gods, how were you suppose to answer that? 

“Did you ever lie to me about anything else?” You ask instead of answering that. You needed to know if anything you had shared with Dracule had been fake. 

“No. I've always been truthful to you, Angel. You’ve become my whole world, and I wanted to do anything I could to protect that.” 

Even over the snail transponder, you can tell that Mihawk is telling the truth. You only have one last question, one that makes you almost nauseous to ask. 

“Do you love me, Mihawk?” 

On Gloom Island, the warlord looks stricken, face growing pale and falling at the mention of that four letter word. Did he not show you how much he cared for you? Did his actions not speak of how much you meant to him? 

No, it didn't. His lack of action that had cost him everything. Mihawk wouldn't let that happen again. 

“I don't think I should answer that over the phone, Angel.” 

He hears your breath hitch, and do he plows on, shoving away the unease that wants to settle like a deadly cloak. 

“I want to see you, again. Will you permit me that?” 

Before you can answer, you hear a commotion on the other end of the line. Curious, you listen in. 

Mihawk cocks an unimpressed brow when the door to his study flies open, banging against the wall and sending a couple of books falling from the shelves. Shanks gives him an unapologetic grin and shut the door softly behind himself. 

“Sorry about that, Baby,” the redhead slurs. He is drunk as a skunk, and Mihawk curls his lips at the stench that clings to Shanks, “I wanted to come see you, you've been avoiding me.” 

“It's not avoiding if you aren't seeking. I've been here this whole time,” Mihawk grumbles at the younger man and points to a chair on the other side of his desk. Shanks ignores him, loping around the desk to instead drape himself across Mihawk's shoulders instead. 

“Who're you talking to?” Shanks demands when he catches sight of the snail on Dracule's desk. 

“Hi Shanks,” the redhead zeros in when he hears your voice, dark eyes going wide and he makes grabby hands for the receiver. 

“Treasure! I miss you!” Shanks whines into the phone, and your chest tightens at the forlorn tone that coats his words, “When can we come home?” 

You can't help but giggle at his request, though that guilt still eats at you, you want to see them again. Maybe Perona was right about that second chance. It felt so good to speak to both of your boys, even if they hadn't been taking care of themselves, but you still didn't think you could have them here. Not yet. 

“Not yet, Shanks. I need some more time,” you murmur and wish you were there with them when you hear the sound of flesh meeting flesh. 

“Don't bother her with questions like that. She'll take all the time she needs,” Mihawk snaps and glares at the redhead who now lays sprawled on the floor. 

You listen to Shanks whine like a child in the background, and the sound of your two boys together makes you long to be there with them. 

“He's fine, Mihawk. How about you let him stay there with you, and I'll call you again soon?” You suggest softly. You know that Mihawk won't willingly ask Shanks to stay with him, but you didn't want either of them to be without the other right now. 

Dracule sighs heavily but nods all the same, golden eyes landing on the redhead who looks seconds away from passing out, “Only because you asked, Angel.” 

“Don't act like you don't love him,” you admonish quietly, and his next words shock you to the core. 

“You're right, Darling. I do love him.” 

You can hear the quiet astonishment in Dracule’s voice, and this time, it's happy tears that will up and threaten to fall. You sniff harshly, “See, that wasn't that bad, was it?” 

A fond smile plays on his lips, golden eyes soft, “No, no it wasn't.” 

A stilted silence settles over the connection, and the two of you speak up at the same time. 

“I should go-” 

“I should go-”

You huff a soft laugh and continue, “you should make sure Shanks hasn't drunk himself into a coma. I'll um, I'll keep in touch, okay?” 

“Alright, Darling, call again soon, okay?” Mihawk, please and grips the receiver harshly, voice turning desperate, “We miss you.” 

You swallow harshly, eyes clenched shut, “I will. I miss you too.” 

You hang up the transmitter, taking a deep breath before going back to Mihawk's chair and plopping down with a world weary sigh. Perona cocks a brow at you.

“Did it go okay?” 

You shrug, “Yeah, it was good hearing from them. Shanks will probably still be there when you go home, by the way.” 

You snicker at the sneer that ghosts across Perona’s face, finding amusement in her disgusted reaction, “Fantastic.”

@writingmysanity @djbumblebee @goth-mami-writer @myradiaz @fluffybunnyu @bookandstar @foggyturtleknightangel @browneyedhufflepuff @anastasiyax @jaguarthecat @atricksterwithwings @black-swan-blog27

[dylanisdazed]

ok hey im drunk heres some dreams i had last night

first of all, idk where this came from or even how it started but i need you to look up wire cutting clay.

ok did you google that or youtube that?

so...this authoritarian entity was taking people and they would draw a line down the forehead, down the bridge of the nose, then across the mouth and down the side of mouth to sort of create a puzzle piece of the face......

then this super sharp wire came down and sliced their heads 😐😮😟😲😲🤮🤢🤮🤕🤮🤢🤮🤢

it was so gross and scary. they said they did it in a way to keep most of the brain intact to keep people alive.....

and then i was renovating this big house by myself and i was telling my mom how scared i was about the slicing and she was like "Oh Dylie, don't be silly. Our money will keep us safe." 😂🤣 WHAT MONEY MOM? but also i felt better and continued renovating this huge house i had apparently. They also made children bungee jump from a 140 story building and it was designed to snap so it killed them.

Anyway

THEN, I was flown out to the desert, it was so beautiful it was like Colorado adjacent and there was all this orange terrain and pretty blue sky. It was a new company. It doesn't make sense but it was like this HUGE reservoir of QUALITY red wine but also water? So we had this really good red wine and could also bottle water but the bubbles made it toxic idk. Anyway, I was really concerned about it being toxic and selling it to people and they were like we produce 500 million gallons of wine a second, we will be SO rich and they wanted to hire me and I was conflicted but I was like okay well can we at least invest a lot of money into hiding the fact its toxic and also find a scapegoat if anyone finds out?

SO THEN

They hire me as Vice President, the owner Tori, LOVED me. She was like your so cute and you have great ideas. I told her I still felt conflicted so I needed a BIG salary and also i would only work 1 day per 7 days off. They agreed and so I took the job. It took me like a month to fly to New York from there because I flew one day, then had to take a week off, then fly again then take a week off then have a meeting then take a week off, etc.

In the wine reservoir they had these HUGE turbines down below the water like way deep and they would offer scuba / diving tours. WELL, they only really did that to people they didn't like and they would guide them INTO the turbines to be chopped into little bits. I was horrified. However, not by the murder more so because I enjoyed the wine. I was like I DONT WANAN DRINK THIS WITH TINY HUMAN BITS AND BLOOD IN IT! They were like this reservoir is like 10 trillion gallons a few humans aren't gonna matter but i was still disgusted so I came up with an idea to bottle a Luxury brand of the wine that was in a separate reservoir that we could charge more for and there would be no bits. I'm a genius!

Anyway, this is how my brain works

bye

[moremaybank]

MELT — j.m

pairing jj maybank x fem!reader

summary snapshots of your swoon-worthy relationship with jj (based on the song "melt" by kehlani)

warnings none. hella fluff. also, soft!jj

author's note i left out the ending of the song because it just would've been redundant. i hope that's okay!

jj masterlist ;; valentine's event ‘23 𓆩 ♡ 𓆪

i can’t tell where your hair ends and mine begins

if i ain’t have all these tattoos, i would think that it’s your skin

if i move too quick past you, i would think it’s my reflection

being this close isn’t close enough

you could tell every time we touch, every time we, oh

security. harmony. joy. 

these were just some of the sentiments experienced by being together. there was a certain safety that you’d found in one another. it wrapped around the two of you like a lush blanket, much like the one the two of you were constantly under, and the warmth from it surrounded your hearts. it was fiery and beautiful. so powerful that it could make you melt into one. 

and you did. every day.

the bed was warm, the heat of your bodies radiating onto the sheets and thick covers. sunshine was beaming through the sheer curtains, allowing a golden aura to light up the dimly lit bedroom. fingers danced along bare skin, soft kisses being painted upon each other with love. there was a simple contentment you and jj found just by holding each other. 

“i never thought i could love anybody like this,” jj murmured, lips moving against your temple as his hand moved up your side. his heated touch left goosebumps in his wake, making you shiver. “you feel like something i pulled straight out of my dreams.” 

“what do you mean?” you asked. a shy smile graced your features as you shifted in his arms, your chest now pressed to his as your hand came up to his face. you let your fingers trace along his sharp features, once again in pure disbelief at how gorgeous your boyfriend really was. 

he shrugged. “i don’t know…i guess i never really saw the point in falling in love until i met you. you changed my whole damn world with that heart of gold, baby. you’re the one who cracked my heart open. you’re the one who made me feel heard. you’re the one who made me feel safe. whenever i’m around you, my heart beats out of my damn chest. my mind goes all fuzzy, and i can barely catch my breath. i wanna be around you and hold you in my arms all the time. sometimes i wish i could live inside your skin.”

“that’s kind of gross, j,” you joked.

“shut up,” he chuckled in response, “i’m serious. look, the only thing my dad has actually ever taught me is that love hurts. but it’s not like that with you. you make everything better. i just love you so damn much.”

“baby,” you cooed, your eyes welling with tears of joy. you leaned in, capturing his lips in a sweet kiss. “i love you too. it’s you and me, j.”

“it's you and me."

wish i could build me a cute apartment

one-bedroom right where your heart is

inch of space feels broken-hearted

across the bed feels way too far and

i wonder when they see just one, do they see us two?

ooh, oh

there was a soul tie between you and jj. a healthy one formed with love. it kept you linked as if you were tied together with an invisible string. 

even when the two of you were apart — which neither of you was ever thrilled about because if you’d had it your way, you’d be together all twenty-four hours of the day — you still felt so connected to each other. you both carried the love you shared in your hearts and souls and brought that love everywhere either of you went. 

still, it didn’t stop either of you from being upset when you were forced apart.

“do you have to go?” you pouted as you watched jj pack his belongings into his backpack. 

“baby, i’ve been staying here for three weeks now. i’ve been wearing and re-wearing the same shit. i need fresh clothes,” he laughed softly, looking at you from over his shoulder. “i’ll be back tomorrow, i promise.”

you sulked further, getting up from the edge of the bed and wrapping your arms around his waist from behind. the left side of your face rested against his shoulder blade as you cuddled into him. “you do know i have a washing machine, right?”

he turned around in your holds, cradling your face in his hands as he tilted your head up to look at him. “you know i don’t like leaving you. things would be easier if we lived together. that way, i’d be here all the time, and i wouldn’t be such a crap roommate to john b.”

you let his words sink in, the wheels in your brain turning as you thought of an idea. “so, let’s.”

“let’s what?”

“let’s live together. you’re always staying for weeks at a time, and it completely sucks whenever you have to leave. maybe you don’t have to anymore.”

jj cocked his brow, “are you serious?”

“as a heart attack, my love.”

with that, jj’s arms wrapped around your waist, and he lifted you up, twirling you around in the air. you both giggled away cheerfully, embracing each other tightly. 

“i’m moving in, baby!”

that’s when i melt into you, oh-oh-oh

i melt into you, oh

that’s when i melt into you

melt into you, melt into you, oh

jj loved to watch you sleep. 

not in a creepy way, but in a way where he could take the time to take you all in. the rhythmic rise and fall of your chest as you took each breath in. the way your long lashes kissed the tops of your cheeks lightly as they fluttered. the hints of a smile pulling at the corners of your lips subconsciously. you were so angelic; sometimes, jj struggled to believe that you were real and not just a figment of his wild imagination.

he remembered the first time he’d admired you in your slumber, deeming you his personal sleeping beauty. 

you were at the chateau with the pogues, having come together for a movie night. you and jj were just friends at the time, but you were as close as ever, like two peas in a pod. you’d fallen asleep cuddled into his lap, one hand under your cheek and the other resting on his lower thigh, just above his knee. your touch sent a thrill through him, sparks igniting inside of him due to your warmth. your hair was out of your face, and the light from the tv cast over your features. it illuminated the dewy, natural glow of your skin, dancing along the tip of your nose, your chin, and the cheekbone that was visible to him. you were always beautiful to him, but there must have been something in the air that night because his heart threatened to burst just by admiring how peaceful you looked. 

jj carefully smoothed a hand up your arm, landing on your shoulder as he traced circles onto your skin with his thumb. you shifted, still asleep, but your hand moved from his knee and grasped his. you wove your fingers with his and brought your joined hands to your chest, keeping them close to your heart. and that was the moment he knew he’d fallen in love with you so deeply that nothing could ever waver it. 

and now, when you were deep in your sleep, you would reach out and pull him closer to you, just like you had that night. even if the two of you were skin-to-skin, as close as you could possibly be without morphing into one, you’d always wanted for him to be closer. and jj could never deny you because what he wanted was the same. he’d sigh into your scorching touch, kiss the nearest spot his lips could reach, and melt into you. 

he hoped that every night for the rest of his life could look exactly like this.

matching your breath, follow your chest up and down

hopin’ you let secrets spill out your mouth and

inhale, exhale, breathe me in

with every breath, i’m sinkin’ in

no way to describe it, i’m a riot

if i wake up and i’m somehow beside you

instead of inside you, that shouldn’t surprise you

you don’t even notice, no need to remind you

you’d had past relationships before jj, and each time, you thought you had a good idea of what love was supposed to be. with every new romantic endeavour, each one better than the last, your perception of love grew more profound and poetic. 

but as soon as you started spending time with jj, you discovered that you couldn’t have been more wrong.

being with jj just felt right. being with him gave you a stillness that seemed almost too good to be true. his love settled you. it grounded you on earth, though you felt like you were floating in space. it was a once in a lifetime type of connection, and you knew it would last.

“should i be nervous? we’ve been walking for a while, now, j,” you spoke, your eyes forced shut due to the blindfold jj had covered them with. 

“shhh. we’re almost there, babe. this will all be worth it, i swear.” jj replied, guiding your steps from behind you. his hands were braced on your upper arms as he helped you walk, and his touch added the comfort you needed as you worried about where he was taking you. 

“you know i can hear the waves crashing, right? and i can feel the sand underneath my shoes?”

“c’mon, pretty girl. play along,” he whined. 

“alright,” you huffed, “i will.”

jj grinned, although you couldn’t see it as he continued to help you make your way toward the surprise he had planned. 

“okay,” he said, coming to a halt. “stay there, don’t move. and don’t take the blindfold off until i say so.”

“um…okay?” you stood there waiting as you heard some low shuffling, and then what sounded like something being set down. 

“alright, baby. open up.”

you removed the blindfold, and your gaze landed on jj. he was laying on top of a blanket set down on the sand. there was a picnic basket and a bouquet of roses to the right of him, along with a bottle of high-end champagne — one that you were slightly worried that he stole, but you put that on the back burner for now. the moonlight shone brightly, illuminating jj’s setup.

“what’s all this?” you asked, your voice nearly caught in your throat. he motioned you over with his hand, and you obliged, making your way over to him. 

“i wanted to do something special for you. we’ve both been working non-stop, and we barely get to see each other. tonight was the first night that our schedules matched up, so i wanted to take advantage of it. give you the date night you deserved.” 

you remained silent, and he chuckled at the evident shock on your face.

“is this your way of proposing?” you questioned. 

jj laughed softly, grabbing your hand and pressing a kiss to your knuckles, “hell nah, babe. when i propose, it’s going to be ten times more extravagant than all this. you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”

“lord help me if that’s true,” you spoke, your lips forming into a grin. you leaned in, giving him a slow, gentle kiss. “thank you for this. i love you.”

“i love you too, princess.”

jj tag list (join here!): @maybankslover @kittyqrt @v-velvetykisscs @hobiibobii @rafesdior @fool4him @hemogloban @pankhoeforlife @rafesmuse @lyn07 @houseofperfecttaste @qualitybelieverflower @dudenhaaa27 @princessbetsy123-blog @tori-loves1 @alexxavicry @kenzi-woycehoski @elijahssuit @skydisneylover @adoreyouusugar @obxjjpouge @conniesanchor @baby-maybank @angel037 @wotfasked @rafelover @penny4yourthoughts @adr1an4 @nerd505 @xngelsau @maybank-archives @p4nkowrld

[goldenbuckyyy]

PARALYZED

Summary: Your mind is making you believe things you shouldn’t.

Pairings: Harry Styles x fem!Reader, Fem!Reader x OC, Mentions of HS x OC

Word Count: 4kish

Warnings: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGAINST PARTNER, mentions of blood, slapping, tugging, and previous events of D.V. Also being gaslit, believing something you shouldn’t, allures to depression, anxiety, PTSD from D.V events.

PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE IF ANY OF THE ABOVE WARNINGS ARE TRIGGERING FOR YOU.

A/N: First off, I am so sorry I’m barely posting part 4! I know it’s been a long time since I posted part 3, but I was in a funk about this short series and I had no idea what to do with it! I’m thinking since it’s such a heavy topic, it felt almost draining, but.. here it is! And I hope you all enjoy it. 🫶🏻 thank you for supporting me and loving my work!! I’m also tagging the people that commented on the last part! Song Inspo: “Paralyzed” by NF

All my mistakes are my own. Please do not repost or translate my fics on any other site nor this one.

I appreciate any likes, reblogs, messages, and interactions. Please message me your thoughts!!! It fuels me!

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Two weeks. 

It’s been two weeks since you’ve been home since your accident. 

Accident. 

The word felt weird in your brain. It felt weird in your mouth. It felt weird even thinking about it. 

Because the more you thought about it… the more your brain tried to remember the events that had happened to you and the more pain it caused you. 

You had spent the entire time locked up in your home. 

Absolutely terrified to go outside. To see your friends. To see your family.

You hadn’t even seen Harry and it wasn’t for his lack of trying. He called. He texted. He even came to the house when he knew Asher would be at work. He’d stay outside for hours in his Range Rover and you’d secretly watch him from the window upstairs that he didn’t know had the perfect view of him. 

And he looked just as rough as you felt. 

But you couldn’t find it in yourself to speak to him. Let alone see him. 

Sometimes.. sometimes you’d cry sitting against the front door as you listened to Harry talking to you from behind it. 

But you would simply just text him to leave you alone and that you couldn’t speak to him anymore. 

He sent you so many messages daily and it made you feel guilty. Guilty for shutting him out after he was there for you.  Ashamed for what you had done to Asher. And terrified because you didn’t want anything to happen to Harry. The more you thought about what had happened to you… the more it made you afraid of Harry getting hurt because of you. 

You just felt so horrible. So ashamed. So guilty. So gross. 

You couldn’t even bring yourself to record anything for your socials. 

You had been posting old drafts that you had saved for a rainy day and you feared that your followers were slowly realizing something was going on. But you ignored the feeling and persisted with your day to day life. 

Well, you were trying. 

Your body still aches. You still felt incredibly sore, but it was slowly getting better. 

The swelling around your face had gone down and the bruising was now a greenish/yellowing color. You still felt horrible. You felt hideous and ashamed. 

You didn’t know why, but you felt so ashamed of yourself. 

And you were terrified of Asher. 

You couldn’t even look at him. He had gone on with his day to day life after you had been released from the hospital. He tried to be there for you, but he could tell something was wrong because you wouldn’t let him touch you. 

You were so scared of him and you didn’t know why. You kept having nightmares of ‘the accident’ and the more and more you dreamt of it… the more the person resembled Asher. The more you saw the figure in your mind… the more their features twisted into Asher’s. 

Those dark eyes turned into angry blue ones. The messy black hair in your dreams turned into bright blonde. The blurry jaw turned sharp and all the features soon morphed into Asher. And it terrified you. 

Had it been Asher who had done this to you? 

The more you thought about it… the more those muffled words the person yelled turned into words yelled at you by Asher. 

The more you think about it the more your breathing starts feeling restricted because you can almost feel the way his strong hand was pressed against the base of your neck. The way he was physically choking you against the wall and how you cried to him, begging him to let you go, but he never did. 

Silent tears fall down your cheeks as the memories pile into your thoughts. You didn’t want to believe it. 

You couldn’t believe it. 

You grip onto your shoulders as you hug your knees to your chest and the cold bathtub feels good on your naked skin. But you feel hollow inside.. almost empty. 

The water surrounding your naked body is cold and your skin is breaking out into goosebumps. But you can’t find it in yourself to get out of it. 

You feel as if you’re drowning in all of your emotions with your heart pounding in your ears. Trying to find the meaning of why he did this to you. 

Why would he leave you with these scars inside of you that will never heal? 

You know what you did was wrong. So wrong. That’s why you hadn’t spoken to Harry in two weeks, but did you honestly deserve all of this? 

Maybe you did. 

Maybe you did deserve this. 

You did this. You cheated on him. You hurt him first. You destroyed him first. He just got even. 

The annoying little voice in your head kept repeating those sentences to you and you were starting to believe it. 

You let out a shaky breath as your body shakes with it. You slowly start to get out of the bathtub, your body feeling weak, and you know you look like shit. 

You had been feeling so nauseated and disgusting. You couldn’t keep anything down, but you kept trying. 

You obviously haven't been eating right and your body is showing it, but you avoid yourself in the mirror and dry yourself off in the dark closet. You pull on an oversized jumper and matching bottoms. You braid your wet hair into a braid and let out a deep sigh. Your chest feels heavy. 

You sit for a second, letting your eyes slowly go up, and you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. Your dark under eyes and hollow cheeks are enough to make you instantly look away. The bruises you still hold make your eyes sting. The fading handprint marks on your neck make you cringe. You close your eyes quickly and curse at yourself. 

You slowly make your way to your bed, putting your phone to charge, and slipping under the covers. 

And at that moment, Asher walks into the room in his work suit. His eyes immediately find you and you freeze in the bed. 

You wonder if he knows that you know it was him.  

Was it him? 

It was. 

His eyes never leave you as he bends down in front of you. You grip onto the covers around you and hold your breath when his fingers caress your face. 

“How are you feeling?” He asks with sincerity in his voice and warmth in his eyes. And you wonder how he could have ever laid a hand on you. 

“I’m okay,” you reply in a whisper and try to not shake underneath his touch. 

Why are you afraid of him? He was upset and you deserved it. 

“I’m glad,” he says as he quickly kisses your forehead and then goes into the bathroom. He shuts the door behind him and you let out a shaky breath that you were holding in. You wipe the wet kiss he left on your skin and then when you hear the shower start, your body relaxes into the bed. 

Then your phone vibrates on your nightstand. 

Your entire body runs cold and you quickly get it, jogging out of the room, and running downstairs. 

You step outside into your patio and answer your phone. The cold air hitting your face and making you instantly shiver.  

“You have to stop calling me,” you whisper immediately when you put the phone to your ear. Your heart thumps rapidly inside of your chest. 

You hear a small sniffle from the other side of the call and your heart tightens. 

“Sun..” 

You clench your eyes tightly and try to even out your breathing, “Harry. I’ve told you to stop calling me. You.. you can’t call me anymore. Whatever we had, it’s done. It-it’s over.” 

Even if your heart is screaming at you to let him back in. To ask him to come save you. To save you from Asher. To save you from yourself. 

“Just please tell me why you’re still there! He hurt you! He did this to you. Why don’t you believe me?!” His voice is filled with anguish, disbelief, and he sounds absolutely devastated. 

Because you can't admit that he did this to you. Because you deserve everything he did. Because you made the biggest mistake when you slept with Harry again. Harry doesn’t want you anymore. 

You pinch the bridge of your nose as an uneasiness settles into the pit of your stomach. “What am I supposed to do, Harry? I-I don’t even know if it was him! I feel crazy! I feel insane! I-I feel insane for the way my brain is slowly making images of him doing this to me! How could—he didn’t,” you start pacing your backyard, wet grass tickling your feet, “How could he have done this to me?” You silently beg him for an answer. 

You weep silently as he asks, “You remember?” 

You silently groan and wipe your tears away in a rush. 

“I don’t know what I remember! I-I don’t know what’s real or what’s fake. I just know that you need to stop calling me,” you demand as you quickly end the call and sit down on your patio chair. Trying to relax your heart rate as the ugly images rush in your brain. 

You clench your eyes tightly together, your hands grasping at the roots of your hair, and you let out a little whimper. 

Stop crying. You deserved it. 

You slowly start to work on your breathing, your entire body shaking with feelings of anxiety and desperation, and you lean back onto the chair. Letting yourself inhale deeply and calmly. Your eyes are still closed as you try to relax. 

“Y/N?”

Asher’s voice startles you which makes you flinch, which causes you to jump in the chair, your hands gripping onto the arm rests in a panic, and gasping deeply. Your eyes go wide in fright and you see Asher standing in front of you in only his pajama pants. His blonde hair is wet and messy. 

“Hey, it’s just me.” He coos at you, leaning down to watch you, his cold hands covering your own, and you try not to snatch them back. 

He notices your hesitation and he frowns. 

“Why are you outside?” His voice suddenly turned cold. 

“I just needed some fresh air,” you lie as you try to speak clearly and without any shakiness. 

Because your mind won’t stop trying to tell you about what happened. 

His eyebrows furr and his lips go tight. 

“You need to come inside before you catch a cold,” he demands. His hand tightens around your wrist and he basically tugs you onto your feet and drag you inside. 

You yelp loudly, “Asher, what are you doing? Let go of me!” 

He loves you. He wouldn’t hurt you. Would he? 

He already did. 

His hand only grips tighter around you as he drags you into the kitchen. 

The only place you had been avoiding since the accident. Your heart rate immediately goes sky high, confusion runs through you, and you beg, “Asher.. wh-what are you doing? Let me go, please.” 

Fear runs through your body when he shoves you into the kitchen stool and he stands in front of you. 

“Since when do you remember?” 

Your mouth goes dry as your eyes go wide, “Remember what?” 

He rolls his eyes, crossing his arms across his chest, and his dark eyes turn to you. “Let’s just stop this game where you pretend you don’t remember what I did to you and why I did it to you.” 

“I…I don’t—I don’t know…” 

You look down to try to avoid his hard stare and start fumbling with your fingers. A feeling of uneasiness surrounds you. 

His hand slams onto the countertop, the loud bang making you jump, and tears fill your eyes. Because you’re terrified. Your lip quivers in fright. 

“Stop fucking lying to me!! You’ve been lying to me for years! Saying you and Harry are over! That-that nothing was going on between you guys! That it was over! It was never fucking over!! You kept fucking him behind my back and I want to know why!” 

His hands grip your arms tightly, tears falling down your cheeks as you try to avoid his eyes, and he grabs your chin in his hand. 

“Stop fucking crying and tell me why you kept fucking him!!” He roars at you as angry tears run down his face, chest heaving in rage, and he looks terrifying. 

You cry into his palm, “I-I d-don't know why! It-it just happened, I s-swear!! Please, Asher! Please believe me! It only h-happened a couple times and—-“ you whine as his grip tightens around your chin and pain shoots all over your body from it. 

“So, who’s the father?” 

What? 

His question makes your tears halt, you suck in a deep breath, and your hands immediately go into his wrist to try and pull him off of you. Your eyes staring into his own in shock, “What are you t-talking about?!” 

Father? 

He shoves you off his palm and you steady yourself in the chair again, watching him, and trying to stop more tears from falling. He walks around the kitchen, shaking his head, and he lets out a chuckle in disbelief. 

“Asher!” You cry out, standing up this time even though you are shaking from head to toe, and you feel completely afraid of him. You have to know what he meant. 

“What are you talking about?!” 

He turns to look down at you, his eyes roaming your body, and he stops at your belly. You flinch under his attention, wrapping your arms around yourself as if you’re trying to protect your body from him, and he moves closer to you. 

“I told the nurse from the hospital that I’m your fiancée and she told me that you’re pregnant.” You gasp loudly, covering your mouth as sobs break through you, “The only reason why they told me was because they were about to tell you after they checked your blood work again to make sure, but I begged them not to say anything. Saying something about how it would be too much for you too soon.” He rolls his eyes at your sobs and continues, “I had to practically beg on my knees for them not to tell you, but you were beaten up so bad that they felt bad for you.” 

He leans down to look into your eyes as you try to back away. 

“Little did they know it was me who did it to you,” he whispers, “but then I found out you’re pregnant. And I admit.. I did feel a little bit guilty. But then I felt pissed. Because I don’t even know if the baby is mine. Do you?” 

You whimper as he gets closer to you, your arms wrapping tighter around your body, and you look down to your feet.  

“You did this to me,” you sob out in a whisper, finally admitting it out loud, and you feel your shoulders start to shake. 

He suddenly grabs your neck and in an instant without even hesitation, you react by slapping his face hard. The loud smack startles him as an angry groan rages out of his chest and you instantly retract backwards, fumbling and tripping on your feet to the floor. 

Why would you hit the man who loves you?

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Don’t touch me, I’m sorry! Please don’t hit me!” The words fly out of your mouth at a rapid speed as you quickly scatter into the corner of the room into a ball, trying to shield yourself from him with your arms, and your breathing picks up instantly. 

Asher’s quick steps allow him to reach you in an instant, his big hands swallow your wrist, and he pulls you to your feet. You stumble into his embrace as he holds you tightly against his body. 

His free hand tugs into your hair, pulling at it by the roots and he laughs when you let out a pained whine, and tears spring out in the corner of your eyes, and you’re frozen in his hold. 

He’s pulling your hair down so that you’re looking up at him, his tight hold doesn’t let you move an inch, and his white teeth are covered in his own blood from the hard hit you gave him. 

“Are you scared of me?” He questions as he slowly caresses your face. 

You let out a low whimper as you watch him, scared to even breathe. 

“Why would I ever hit you? You’re my fiancé and I love you,” his voice is steady and cynical. You gulp down the lump in your throat as your lips quiver. 

Your body is aching already from his tight hold and you wish you were braver. 

“I would never hurt you again. Don’t you trust me?” he whispers into your neck as he starts kissing down your jaw. You shiver at his touch and don’t move. 

“Isn’t that right? I would never hurt you again. I’m sorry I ever touched you like I did before. I was only upset. You forgive me, right?,” he whispers into your mouth as his lips hover over yours and he slowly kisses you. Fear is etched into every single fiber of your body and you don’t close your eyes as you watch him kiss your lips. 

You let out a shaky breath as you move your lips against his as you try and think of what to do. How would you even get out of this situation? 

He’s taller than you. He’s stronger and faster than you’ll ever be. You don’t think you’d be able to make it far. You don’t think you’d make it out the door without him catching you. 

“And now you’re carrying my baby. I’m not ever going to hurt you again,” he whispers into your mouth as you cry silently. 

What are you going to do now?

Harry couldn’t live with you. 

He couldn’t eat. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t fucking think without you. 

He couldn’t even fucking breathe without you. 

His chest hurt from your absence in his life and he was trying so fucking hard to help you. But you wouldn’t let him in. 

He tried calling, he tried texting, he tried staying outside of your house to get you to talk to him, but you just wouldn’t. He didn’t want to force you to remember and he didn’t want to physically take you away from your home. 

He couldn’t do that to you. But he was terrified every single second of the day. He didn’t know what to do. 

He tried talking to your family and seeing if they had spoken to you or seen you, but they said they hadn’t. They said you messaged them every day, but only simple worlds that you were okay and that you were recovering. And that you were tired and needed to be alone. 

It was killing Harry. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

He was torn about what to do. Because he didn’t know what the fuck to do. How was he supposed to just take you away from your home? It would be basically kidnapping. 

But he was scared that Asher was going to hurt you again. How was he supposed to know if he didn’t already? 

He just wanted you to be okay. He just needed to see you. He just wanted to be with you. 

He’d protect you. He’d love you. He’d keep you safe. 

If only you’d let him. 

And now you weren’t even speaking to him. You kept telling him to leave you alone and that everything that had happened between you two was a mistake. 

How was he supposed to believe that? You are the love of his life. 

He couldn’t give two fucks about Vivian and Asher. 

Matter of fact, he called off his engagement with Vivian the second he got home from the hospital and she was out of his home the next day. She said she knew it was too good to be true and apparently fucked off to Paris. 

Harry couldn’t bring himself to care because he was too worried about you. And he knew what he was doing wasn’t healthy. But what else is he supposed to do? 

Kidnap you? 

Take you away from your home and keep you in his? 

Keep you in his home until you remember what Asher did to you? And make you leave him? 

Maybe he should. 

Harry’s eyes started burning as tears filled the brim of his eyes and he stumbles out a loud, frustrated sigh, because he’s so tired. He’s so fucking tired of crying! 

He’s so upset at himself for not doing anything. He’s pissed off at the world. He’s pissed at himself. He’s pissed off at Asher for ever touching you and he’s pissed off at your brain for making you forget. 

He wants to kill Asher. He wants to beat him to a pulp. He wants to make him hurt the way you hurt. 

But how is he supposed to do that when you still believe he’s the golden boy you used to love? 

Harry knows he’s not supposed to call you. He knows you probably won’t answer. You never do. Well, usually. But he misses your voice. He needs to hear your voice. He begs god that you remember and that you ask him to come for you. Please. He needs this. 

He clicks on the first contact in his favorites list and his breathing almost hitches when he hears your voice. 

“You have to stop calling me,” he hears your sweet voice whisper into the phone. His heart tightens in his chest. 

He sniffles as he feels his lips quiver and he frowns, “Sun…” 

“Harry. I’ve told you to stop calling me. You.. you can’t call me anymore. Whatever we had, it’s done. It-it’s over.” 

He can hear your strangled breathing on the other side of the phone. His heart is thumping rapidly at your words. He pinches the bridge of his nose. 

“Just please tell me why you’re still there! He hurt you! He did this to you. Why don’t you believe me?!” He yells into the phone trying not to get too upset. But he feels so much pain right now. He feels devastated. He just needs you to believe him. Why don’t you believe him? 

He clutches his own chest as if he’s trying to console his own heart from the pain he’s feeling. 

“What am I supposed to do, Harry? I-I don’t even know if it was him! I feel crazy! I feel insane! I-I feel insane for the way my brain is slowly making images of him doing this to me! How could—he didn’t.. How could he have done this to me?” 

Harry listens to your rapid words and he aches for you. All he wants to do is take away everything you’re feeling. He wants to take away all your pain. 

He begs god to give it to him instead. He can handle it. He can take it.

You can’t. He doesn’t know if he can save you from this. He wants to save you. And then it clicks. 

He silently gasps when your words click in his own brain. 

“You remember?” 

He hears you groan into the phone before you speak again, “I don’t know what I remember! I-I don’t know what’s real or what’s fake. I just know that you need to stop calling me.” 

Then, the line goes dead. 

Harry stares at the phone in shock. His mind reels a million thoughts every second. What should he do? 

He doesn’t even think before he shoves on some shoes and goes into his Range Rover. 

He’s going to save you. Even if it kills him. He’s going to take you away from Asher. 

And he hopes you forgive him for not coming sooner. 

Tag list: @yellowtrain28 @sarcas-latte @st-ev-ie @ingrid-ingrid-ingrid @cherry01 @writinghost @that-daydream-look @marzhshaim

[lovinbarzal]

PERFECT | J. HUGHES

jack hughes x fem! zegras sister! reader

summary: in which jack and y/n break the only rule that trevor gave them.

a/n i love hockey. and the players. also ava doesn't exsist in this </3 sorry ava ily i swear!

masterlist part two

——————————————————————————

I found a love, for me. Darling, just dive right in and follow my lead

"Jack's gonna be here so I need you to be gone." Trevor blurted. The three Zegras siblings were watching a movie in their living room.

"What the hell?" The girl exclaimed.

"I can't have you here, you're so embarrassing!" Trevor was quick to defend himself but was doing a shit job at it.

"Trevor, I live here. Where the hell would I go, you stupid fuckhead?" Y/n looked to her twin brother with her arms crossed.

"Anywhere but here." Trevor shrugged.

"Trev, you can't kick her out." Griffin stated making Trevor let out a groan. He, as well as Y/n, knew better than to argue with Griffin.

"Fine but you better not make goo-goo eyes at him." He turned to Y/n, "I'm serious."

Y/n scoffed before they all turned their focus back to the movie. What the hell was supposed to be so special about this Jack?

Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet. Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me

"I'm apologizing in advanced for my weird-ass sister." Trevor turned to Jack. The two teenage boys sat in the back of the 'Zegras Mobile'.

"Trevor Zegras, do not call your sister weird and don't say ass." His Mom scolded.

He held his hands up in defeat before turning back to Jack.

"And if you don't find her weird, you can't have her. She is off-limits to my friends." He said as Jack nodded.

"Trust me, Trev. This week is supposed to be about us not about your sister." Jack reassured.

"Good but I'm still serious. Do not fall for my sister." Trevor said seriously before Wildest Dreams came on. Trevor sang along...loudly.

If Trevor was weird like this than his TWIN sister would have to be way worse? Right? Jack thought to himself.

'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love

Y/n rubbed the sleep from her eys as she walked down the stairs. She was wearing one of Griffin's old shirts that fit oversized as well as a pair of Trevor's pj pants.

She didn't notice the extra boy sitting at the table until she went to sit in her spot that had been taken by the mysterious boy.

The two made eye contact and it was almost instantly that they felt something. The moment was quickly interrupted by Trevor.

"Jack meet my gross and weird sister, Y/n. Y/n/n meet Jack." Trevor introduced as he poured himself more cereal.

"Hi." Jack said as Y/n stood awkwardly.

"Are you just gonna stand there like a loser all day or...?" Trevor questioned with a mouth full of cereal in his mouth.

"He's in my spot." The girl said looking at Trevor in disgust.

"Go sit next to Griffin." Trevor dismissed.

"Oh no. I can move." Jack said trying to move from his spot.

"No!" She exclaimed a little too loud, "I mean, it's ok. I can just go eat my breakfast in the living room."

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before stealing the box of Fruit Loops from in front of Trevor. Who tried to snatch them back only to be to slow. Jack watched the whole thing go down but he kept his gaze on her.

Maybe not falling for his brother's sister was gonna be harder than he thought.

But darling, just kiss me slow. Your heart is all I own and in your eyes, you're holding mine

Y/n was currently in the living room watching TV when Jack came in to the room.

"Hi." He breathed out with a smile which she returned.

"Hey. Uh, where's Trevor?" She looked up at him from the couch.

"He's taking a shower and I got bored in his room." Jack answered honestly. Trevor was showering and he was bored but he was also hyping himself up to make a move. He told Trevor and himself that he wouldn't but his stay was coming to an end and he needed to get it off his chest.

The two stayed silent. Not an awkward silence but more of a who was gonna make the first move silence. It was Jack.

"Look, I'm gonna be honest. You're so beautiful and perfect. I've only known you like 6 days but they've been the 6 days of my life just because you've been in them. I know Trevor told me and probably you that we weren't supposed to fall for each other but what the hel-" He was cut off by Y/n standing from the couch and placing her lips on his.

I have faith in what I see. Now I know I have met an angel in person and she looks perfect

She looked perfect was the only thing going through his head when they pulled away.

"I like you too." She said with a sly smile before yet another moment was interrupted by the one and only, Trevor.

"Jack?" Trevor called from up the stairs. The two stood with wide eyes as they were brought back into reality.

They kissed. How were they gonna tell Trevor? They won't right?

They can't.

[hungharrington]

i would uh.. like to put my own little menace!steve in bed thoughts out here.. they will make ZERO sense and will be all jumbly n gross but it’s like midnight n i have to be up at 6am so BE KIND <3

as someone who is 100% very shy/extra nervous at first, no noise, trying to mask facial expressions and hide parts of my body. this type of reader especially?? oh ho ho

menace!steve doubles as sorta loving!perv!steve. he can and will fantasise abt cumming on ur tummy and move his way up the best he can - still cumming - until he shoots some onto ur boobs as well. on his come down, all out of breath and smiling with his eyes closed, he can’t wait to open em and see ur blushy, shocked little face, and ropes across ur chest, across ur tummy, maybe he even dribbled some across ur pussy cus he didn’t time it right and shot a bit early (no complaints)

menace!steve who is all slow thrusting with his entire body, borderline begging u to take the big shirt off, he wants to see you all bare so bad.. he’s naked and skin on skin would feel so much better for u baby! steve who, when little noises do embarrassingly slip out, he lights up, copies em; he’ll nudge ur nose with his as ur eyes try and screw shut from embarrassment, his own eyebrows knit up in mocking and his pout mirroring the one he saw, all oh did that feel good sweetheart? oh, it felt so good right there, huh? look at me, look at me.. look at me, or im gonna make u cum.. right now.. so close to me, make u cum with my face so close to urs huh? with his hand trailing down towards ur clit threateningly (because the only thing more embarrassing than making noises like what u just made, would be cumming so quick and hard and probably very noticeably lmaoo)

menace!steve who notices that u like him beefy and hairy. imagine him laying in bed while ur getting ready, and he’s shirtless???? with the covers bunched over his hips, n he just busts out some little quip about how he’s been dreaming about u cumming on his chest so bad. wants to make u ride it, but he doesn’t think he’d be able to have ur pussy that close to his mouth without tugging u up onto his tongue. ur stood there with ur hair tie half done, frozen, bc he looks so nonchalant saying that with his huge biceps crossed over his chest.

menace Steve who wants to simultaneously cum inside u, suck it out, sloppily spit it down ur tits and into ur mouth and makeout, JUST AS MUCH as he’d want to cum inside and then not move. breeding kink menace Steve’s brain goes wee-woo-wee-woo empty when he sees u eyeing his cock when it leaks pre-cum. the man just cannot have his dick in ur mouth, he’s so serious he wants to make every drop count, but he also makes u want it so bad that whenever he gets the vibe that u just need it/need him, u come back into whatever room ur in to see him stripping. he’s so fucking coy abt it too, just shrugs and waves his hands for a second like duhh?? get with the program..

LMAOOO out of left field, but menace!steve who maybe does smthn mundane, like ur pipe breaks (i am NOT a plumber I don’t know what im talking abt), but while he’s down there, laid with his head in the cabinet tinkering around, he tries to role play a ‘oh no my pipes burst and oh? hunky plumber man came to fix it!’ porno scenario. but he doesn’t tell u. just works himself up and lets himself get so noticeably hard that ur like.. are u alright stevie?? n he just has to tell u to pls for the love of god ride him like he’s just some maintenance guy n ur just a hot babe who needs some good dick. take it from him - he’ll keep working (n if it’s a reader who like previously mentioned, isn’t at that point yet.. yea icl I’d do it. don’t judge me but if he’s all sighing and giving up like honey PLEASE take my dick out.. yeah 🫶)

menace!stevie who at every inconvenience, when his little princess is huffing and puffing abt something, rolls his eyes, tugs her under him like god okay babe, i hear you, u need eating out okayy i get it, need to let me kiss u down there for a bit as if he wasn’t the only one out of the two of u thinking that, but boy menace!steve?? can make an excuse out of ANYTHING. oh they gave u crinkle cut fries instead of french? his eyebrows raise as he sighs all dramatic, fully prepared to try n finger u in the diner booth. the dress ur trying on in the changing room doesn’t fit like u wish it would? he’s clicking his tongue, caressing ur hair back just to bend u over infront of the mirror, raring to go and dry hump. the reason??? he’s is. a menace. and kinda bitchy. but it fits.

(also, when ur making out and straddling him, he’d definitely break away, massive grin, just to tease u abt how he can feel that, yknow?? FEEL WHAT??? yknow.. ur heartbeat, baby? the grin is still there, head tilted down to look at u through his lashes. manhandles ur hips harder into his lap and u finally get what he means)

I WAS ALREADY SAVIN UR OTHER ASK TO COME BACK TO BUT HOLY FUCK I CANT ADD ANYTHING TO TOP ANY OF THIS

i’m also a no noise & quiet, ‘can i keep my shirt’ on babe and this felt like a direct ATTACK. steve trying to make his plumber porn fantasy to come true is peak steve 😭 and i would fucking indeed. get his dick out and ride it while he fixed my pipes :)

[andydrysdalerogers]

Cross-Checked ~ Chapter 21

Andy Barber x OFC Leighton "Leia" Andrews

Summary:

Andy Barber is having the best year of his life. His game is on point. It’s gets to play with his best friend and his fiancé just... dumped him?!. 

Reeling from a sudden change in status, Andy decides it’s time to just focus on hockey. Until his best friend's sister comes out with news that rock the entire organizations world., 

Andy has always carried a torch for the untouchable Leighton but in her hour of need, is now the time to shoot and score or risk getting cross - checked again? 

Warnings: Cheating (but not by the MCs); slow burn; friends to lovers eventually; SMUT!; pregnancy; jealousy; handsome goalies, evil exes...

A/N: The tag list is open! Also, so sorry to be behind on this one. Life got in the way for awhile but I'm back!

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS. Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Banners by me!

Previous: Chapter 20~ When Two Become Three

Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 21 – It's the Playoffs, Baby 

Leia 

The last six weeks have been the most wonderful dream. My little Avery came home the same day I was released from the hospital after a week-long stay. She’s perfect in every way. Andy refuses to put her down unless she’s hungry. He’s besotted with his little girl, and it just makes my chest hurt from the adorableness. It was rough the first couple of weeks with the surgery, but Andy found a night nanny to help. He also hired a housekeeper for us, Mrs. Langfield. She is a godsend. She is so helpful with the house and caring for me when Andy head-to-head back to work.  

But here we are, six weeks later, and we are attending our first home game together. Management got us our own box with the. WAGs. I am a WAG now, which is wild.  

Andy and I get to the arena early, him proudly carrying the car seat in. My social media team are on it with the arrivals, and I step out of the picture because I know that the fans will go nuts for this daddy/daughter moment. But my top assistant, Alicia, spots me.  “Leia, we have to get a picture of the happy family.”  She pulls me and we pose. I’m leaning into Andy before he pulls Avery out of the car seat so he’s holding her.  

“That’s great!” Alicia declares.  “These will be up soon, but I’ll send you the good ones,” she tells me, and I flush.  

We head to the private elevator and Andy looks down at me. “Sweetheart, why are you so red?” 

“Nothing,” I looked down at the bags. I could feel the hot tears welling behind my eyes and I was trying desperately to stop them.  

While Avery has been magical and beautiful and wonderful, I did not feel the same way about myself. I was dull, fat and blah. I didn’t feel like myself anymore. I felt like all people saw now was Avery. I was nothing.  I didn’t want the photos of me to go up because next to my gorgeous boyfriend and my beautiful daughter, I was the fat lump of a woman. I tried to make an effort and done my hair and makeup, but I still felt like a fraud.  

I know that this is just post pardum feelings. I know I should talk to someone but all I want is to be home with my baby girl. I hear a throat clear, and I look up at Andy. “Baby, what’s wrong?”  I move to say nothing, but he cuts me off.  “My queen, you are sad. I can see it. Talk to me.”  

I can feel one tear fall down my cheek. “I don’t want them to post my picture,” I whisper.  

“Why?”  

“I feel gross and ugly, and I don’t want my picture there. I don’t need the whole word to know how much of a mess I am and that you have an ugly girlfriend and...” 

“Whoa, baby, stop right there.” Andy pulled us to the side, away from the crowd. “Sweetheart, you are beautiful, strong and amazing.  You cooked our little princess and protected her for nine months.  Look at her.”  I look down to the car seat where she sleeps. “You did that. You made that. That makes you a superhero Leia. That makes you, my queen. I worship at your feet because you gave me the greatest gift I could ever ask for.”  

“But, I don’t do anything.” I start to cry. “The night nurse takes care of her when I sleep, and Mrs. Langfield takes care of her and the house. I’m useless, Andy. Just a milk machine.” I hiccup. “All anyone sees is Avery and her cow.” 

He pulls me in and holds me tight. “Oh baby, why didn’t you say anything earlier?” 

“I don’t know. You’ve been so sweet to make sure I’m being taken care of I didn’t want you to think I am ungrateful. Because I’m so grateful Andy.” I sob harder into his chest as he cradles my head.  

“Sweetheart, you have to talk to me, okay? I don’t know what help you really need if you don’t tell me.” He kisses my forehead and lets me cry for a few moments before he tilts my head back. “How about this?  We will let the night nurse go in a couple of more weeks.  But she starts to get you up to feed instead of pumping. Then when you feel more comfortable, we’ll let her go.” 

I sniffle. “That sounds good.”  

“Ok.  As for Mrs. Langfield, I’m sure we can talk to her and tell her what you need, and she’ll be able to help. I don’t want to make life harder right now we the team almost in the playoffs.”  

“You think she’ll be ok with it?” 

“I’m sure she is willing to do anything for Avery.” He gave me his dazzling smile. “I promise we’ll figure this out, ok?” 

“Ok. I love you, Andy.” 

He leaned down and kissed me softly. “I love you, my queen. Let’s get my girls settled.” He took my hand and walked me to the box. We were immediate greeted by the WAGs that are already there and they started to coo over Avery.  

Avery, my perfect princess, decides this is the time to open her eyes and show off beautiful blue green eyes.  “Oh my,” Katerina Marchand coos. “She’s gorgeous Leia.” She looks at me and her smiles falls.  “Have you been crying Leia?” 

“Oh,” I wave her off, “I’m fine.”  

“Leia, honey,” Moa sat next to me and took my hands. “You just had a baby seven weeks ago. And it wasn’t an easy birth. Its ok to not be ok.” 

I felt my lower lip wobble. “I’m just not feeling myself. I don’t know how Andy hasn’t run away because I’m so fat and ugly.”  

“Sweetie, that is absolutely not true,” Rebecca took my hands. “When we saw the post of you and Andy with the baby, David and I were commenting on how beautiful you look. It doesn’t even look like you’ve had a baby seven weeks ago.”  

I felt a big fat tear leak from my eye (stupid hormones). “Really?” 

“Yeah, really, I wish I looked half as good as you when I had our baby,” Rebecca said.  “It’s ok to feel uncomfortable and undesirable but that’s just the flood of hormones talking.  David has told me that Andy can’t stop showing off pictures of the baby and you. How sweet and peaceful his girls are. It's so sweet.”  

“Brad was telling me the same thing,” Katerina said. “You grew a human; you can be a little off for a while.” 

These ladies have embraced me as one of their own and I am forever grateful for it. I hadn’t had many girlfriends, just Stella and eventually, Miranda. But these women are ready to take me in and show me the ropes. “Thank you, ladies. Really, it means a lot.”  

“What does Andy say about all of this?” Moa asked.  

“He was upset I hadn’t said anything.  We’re going to make some changes that make sense and hopefully it will help.” I swallowed.  “He’s been so good to me, to us.” 

Moa smiled. “I knew that man was made to be a father.”  

A week later, life turned upside down.  We had talked to Mrs. Langfield, and she was more than happy to show me the ropes to being a mom. “I raised four of my own. It isn’t easy but it is the most rewarding thing you will ever do.” she patted my hand, and we went to work.  I thought that would end the drama, but it didn’t.  

Stella ended up on my doorstep while the guys were still in New York after clinching a playoff berth and she was a mess. “Stel?” 

“I need to hide out here for a while, please,” she said as fat tears rolled down her cheeks.  

“Of course, sweetie,” as I pulled her in. “What’s going on?” 

“Have you seen the headlines about the Bruins?” 

“Uh, no.” I picked up my phone. While I was still on maternity leave, I was trying to keep up with all the posts and letting my team know of any discrepancies. I scrolled and I saw the article about Jeremy going back to his partying ways.  “What the... I don’t understand.  I thought he was cleaning up his act and doing a damn good job at it.”  

“Yeah, he was.” She sniffed and wiped her nose.  “Because we had been taking care of each other.”  She looked at her lap and I froze.  

“You and Jeremy. You were, what?” 

“We were in a ‘friends with benefits’ situation.” She looked at me with sorrow. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but he was there when I broke up with Kevin and then it was supposed to be one night. But we didn’t stop, and it was great. I thought we were getting serious but then this and...” she breaks down and sobs and I wrap my arms around her.  

“It's going to be ok, Stel. You can stay here as long as you like.  I’m sure there is a perfectly good explanation and when you are ready, we’ll get the truth.”  

I feel for my friend. It's obvious that she’s in love with him. I’m not sure how I missed it but now she needed me to take care of her.  

Jeremy was benched soon after, not sure why. I would have to wait for Andy to get home.  

Andy 

What a shit show. 

Jeremy getting sent home is the last things I was expecting after his shutout performance. But I guess management didn’t like the photos and I couldn’t speak to the GM right away.  I finally caught up with him and explained that Jeremy had turned down the girl and I walked with him to his hotel room.  That Jeremy admitted to having a girlfriend whom he loved very much.  Once that got cleared up, they allowed him to rejoin the team once we got home.  

It was the day before the first playoff game and we would be on the road to Toronto. I was packing my bag when I hear, “Andy!”  

Fuck, Leia sounds panicked. I race down the stairs. “Leia, baby, what’s wrong?”  

She’s clutching our daughter like her life depended on it. “My mother messaged me, and I panicked. I’m sorry, I just... why is she doing this?” 

“Let me see the message.” I pick up the phone to read. 

Monica: I heard that you had the baby. I would like to meet with you and my granddaughter alone. We need to discuss yours and your daughter’s future.  

What the fuck. I look at my girl and she is afraid. “What is she trying to do?” 

“I don’t know but you know as soon as she realizes that you and Luke are gone, she’ll try to ambush me.”  

I didn't even think about that. Fuck, I can’t leave her here alone. But an idea forms, and I whipped out my phone. I send a message to the GM and he replies automatically. “Ok, sweetheart, why don’t you and Avery join us on the road?” 

“What?” 

“I just messaged the GM about having you on the trip. I told him it was a safety thing but since you are still the social media director, you still have the option to travel with us.”  

“But won’t I have to work? Who will watch Avery?” 

“My queen, I can guarantee she will have about 20 babysitters when she’s not with us.  Plus, Stella is going as well, so she can hold the baby if you need take some pictures and stuff. What do you say? Come be my lucky charm?” 

Babies, as it turns out, need a lot of stuff.  But it didn’t bother me in the slightest because it just meant that my girls were with me on the road.  Three suitcases later, I carried my baby girl onto the plane.  

“Holy shit! Princess Avery is in the house!” Jeremy yelled as he went to reach for her. He took the carrier off me and took her to his seat with Linus.  

“I guess Sway is taking the first shift,” I said to Leia who smiled. I pulled her to my row so she could sit with me and Luke. I get her settled and then go over to check on the baby with our goalies.  Linus already has her out of the carrier and in his arms, telling her something in Swedish. Jeremy just plays with her toes as he watched. “You guys good with her?” 

“Go away, Barber,” Linus says. “My niece and I are discussing all the things we will be doing when she visits me in Sweden.”  

Jeremy grins. “And I am making sure all of these toes are perfect. Shoo.” I chuckled.   

“Hey, I want to hold my niece as well,” David says.  

“Uh, she’s my niece too,” Brad says with a dramatic pout. The arguing gets loud, and Avery takes objection to it by letting out a loud wail.  I swoop in to take her into my arms.  

“Avery, my princess, what’s wrong? Did your uncles get too loud? You didn’t like big loud men scaring you?” I cooed at her. Her eyes open slightly. “There’s my girl.” She gives me a sleepy smile. I walk back to our seats to the protest of my teammates. “When you guys get a schedule down, then you can have her.  Until then, she’s with daddy.”  

“Yes, Captain,” I hear them all grumble. I smile as I sit with my girl. Leia leans on my shoulder to stare at my girl. She’s been getting better with the post-partum. She still has moments where she curls up and cries. We talked about maybe seeing someone to help her. I tell her every day that there is no shame, no shame whatsoever if she needs help. Mrs. Langfield has been a godsend.  She has been there for Leia when I have been on the road. Once she understood what was happening, she immediately knew what to do when I was so utterly lost.  

The flight was smooth sailing. Avery was a gem and we arrived in Toronto without an issue. Avery’s passport is so adorable and gets so many reactions as we go through customs.  We pile onto the bus and head to the hotel. I get my girls into their room (stupid travel rule: can’t sleep away from the team) and make sure they have everything they need. “I have a team meeting and then a walk through.  I’ll be a couple of hours, but Linus and Jeremy will be here since their schedule is different.  But if you need me, call me.” I kiss the top of Avery’s head before I softly kiss Leia.  “I love you.”  

“I love you. We’ll be okay, won’t we baby girl?” Leia talks to Avery as she sleeps.  “Shoo, I promise, I’m ok.”  

She’s got this, my brave warrior queen.  

Leia 

Avery and I walk down the team floor in search of a couple of goalies.  I find them going over tape in a conference room at the end of their hall. “Hey guys!” 

“Hey Leia,” Jeremy says, glancing at me before doing a double take when he sees Avery. “It’s the princess! He moves to take her from me and starts to walk around telling her secrets I can’t hear.  

“How are you, Leia?” Linus asks. Linus is a father twice over, so I know he knows about the post-partum. Moa, his wife, has been a godsend with the advice. 

“I’m getting better.  Being on the road is a good distraction.” I smile. “I actually need your guys' help.”  

“What's up?” Jeremy asks. I explain what I want to do, and the guys look at me funny. “Don’t you want a girlfriend for this?” 

“She has stuff to do while she’s here.” I don’t say her name because I know that she and Jeremy are still not speaking. When I thought about it, they make sense.  He is perfect for her and vice versa. The pictures looked bad but when Andy explained what had happened, I tried to talk to Stella, but she was not having it.  

“I’ll grab one of their sticks,” Linus offered. He went out to the equipment storage room, leaving me with Jeremy.  

Its awkward for a moment, until I hear, “is she ok?” I look up at him and my heart breaks for him. I’ve never seen the look in his eyes before. When he was angry, sure. Happy, all the time. But what he has is heart break because I can see that he is in love with my best friend.  

“She’s putting on a strong front, but I know she is heartbroken too. I’m trying to talk to her because Andy told me what happened, but she’s been hurt like this before. She’s protecting herself.”  

“From me? I told the guys I am in love that night. It's been her for a while. I was planning on telling her.” His posture is turn down in defeat.   

“Oh, Jer, I’m sorry.” I sit next to him and put my head on his shoulder.  

“I’m going to get her back Leia.  I have to. She’s my everything.”  

We hear the door opening and Jeremy wipes at his eyes. Linus comes in with two sticks and a couple of rolls of tape. He sees Jeremy’s eyes and frowns. “Everything ok?” 

“Yes Linus. Just reminiscing about the birth.” I look down at the stroller with Avery asleep. “Never got to properly thank Jer for holding my hand. I’m still sorry about your hand.”  

“Swear it’s the reason I got the shutout in New York,” he says with a wink. “So, do you have the paint?” 

Andy 

We’re headed out to warm up for game one when Alicia stops me and Luke.  “Guys, we need you to take some photos with some specialty sticks.” She guides us to the ice before handing us the sticks. We both pose before I look at the stick. And I choke up. “Alicia?” 

“Leia wanted to make them for you.” She smiled as she continues to snap pictures.  

On the tape of the blades are tiny hand and footprints in pink with the words “good luck daddy love Avery” painted on them. I see Luke wiping his eyes as he stares at his, the words “kick butt Uncle Luke” written on his. I look up and I see Leia with Avery in her carrier standing behind the bench. I get as close as I can. “You did this?” 

“I had some help but yeah. We’re so proud of you Andy.” She looks down at Avery, who has on the tiniest ear defenders on, in pink, of course. “I love you. Go kick some Toronto ass.” She presses her hand to the glass, and I reach up with mine.  

“I love you my queen and my princess.”  

I don’t play with that stick, but I leave it in the tunnel for luck.  And luck did it bring. We won that game and the next one to take the series back home. I’ve decided to keep that stick in my locker and take it with me for every game this playoff season.  

After we land, I tuck my girls into the car. Avery had a rough night, so Leia and I are dog tired. I had stayed on the phone with Leia while she worked to sooth Avery. She finally conked out around three A.M., and we had a flight at eight. Nobody was a happy camper but luckily, Avery stayed asleep in Luke’s arms, giving me and Leia some much needed rest.  

We have a light practice this afternoon and I keep thinking of things we need to get now that we are home. Maybe I can take Leia to bed. We’ve only started to fool around now that she has the all clear from her doctor. The thought of having her body under me starts to make me hard and I almost miss seeing a black Mercedes parked in front of the house and my defenses goes up. All thoughts of a sexy nap with my girl fly out the window. I pull the car all the way in the garage and close the door.  “Leia, stay inside with Avery.”  

“Andy? What’s the matter?”  

“I don’t know baby, but just stay inside. Don't open the door unless you see on the camera that I am alone.”  I move to go out the side door, lock it and pull it close. I move to the front of house and the car doors open.   

Fuck my life.  

NEXT

Taglist:

@patzammit @texmexdarling @slutforchrisjamalevans @firephotogrl74 @tinkerbelle67 @before-we-get-started @bunnyforhim @alexakeyloveloki @sunnyhummingbee @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @peaceinourtime82 @saucy-sassy-sparkly @kmc1989 @kandis-mom @lokislady82

[voidwizardwholikestheshadows]

Sixteenth Day Event Prompt:

Ranboo & Dream - Tree

Thank you @sixteenth-day-event for organizing this. It was super super fun. I have no clue where this story went but I’m just glad I got to practice writing some more. I also kinda got off topic but hey, it happens.

Tw for implied death and some axe violence.

An AU in which Dream is a forest creature and Ranboo hears a voice calling him into the woods

Story below the cut

Ranboo moved into this old cabin in the woods that was falling apart with his parents. His father enjoyed fixing things up, so Ranboo had to make do with the ramshackle cabin. He was about fifteen minutes from town, and the only houses nearby… well… Ranboo hadn’t exactly interacted with them yet. All he knew was that kids lived there. So, all that he could currently do was wander around his new home. The floorboards were creaky, and it definitely wasn’t the place you could walk around without socks or at least something to protect your feet from the nails protruding from the wooden floorboard. 

Apparently, there was also a rumor of an old basement and the rumor that the place was haunted, and that’s why the last owners left. Ranboo wasn’t one to believe in ghost stories or stupid rumors but this one left him with a bad taste in his mouth. He made his way through the hallway toward his room with one light illuminating the hallway that flickers constantly. Creepy… Of course, this cabin in the middle of nowhere had to be creepy. It couldn’t be a nice, happy cabin. Ranboo felt like he was in a horror movie as he slowly descended into the creepily lit hallway. 

His mom had told him the last room on the right was his. So when he got there and opened the door, his mouth dropped into a perfect round O. His “room” consisted of a shabby-looking bed, a desk with a lantern with a half-melted candle in it, a dresser with half the knobs missing, and a closed closet. He had to sleep in here? Ranboo wouldn’t be surprised if there was a serial killer in his closet at this very moment. Well… that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but honestly, who fucking knew.

He slowly crept over to the closet and pulled on the wooden splintered knob, and it popped right off the closet door. He blinked and looked down at it in his hand before sighing; this felt like a goddamn cartoon moment. He stared blankly at the closet before deciding that it was probably an omen to not open it. However… he did need to put his clothes somewhere. He lugged his large purple suitcase out of the hallway and into the room before placing it on the bed and then examining the bed when he heard a quiet creak, which he assumed came from the springs or whatever was holding the bed together.

The sheets weren’t soft; they felt gross like they were covered in stains of an unknown liquid. Hopefully, it’s not blood. Knowing his luck, it most likely was. The pillowcase was definitely covered in dirt and the same unknown liquid. Gross. Maybe it really was blood. No… he was just being dramatic; Ranboo knew he was good at that. That’s what his parents said, at least. Speaking of them, it was almost silent in the house. It was scary. Ranboo simply assumed they were leaving the cabin and getting luggage from the car. The only nice thing about his room was that it had a window looking out into the forest surrounding them. The redwoods were towering and beautiful; he loved nature but also missed the city’s sounds. Honking cars, passing trains, it all felt like a distant fuzzy memory now.

That’s when he thought he saw it. A fast-moving blur dashing between trees. When he rubbed his eyes to ensure he wasn’t seeing things and peered out of the window again, there was nothing there. He scoffed at how jumpy he was right now. He swore he saw somebody or… something out in the woods. There was a knock at the door, and Ranboo almost jumped out of his skin, not expecting the loud noise. He took a step out of his room, but the knocking continued. 

He made his way through the kitchen and living room, having yet to check those rooms out before making it to the front door. He peered out the peephole, and it was a kid with messy blonde hair with sticks and mud stuck in it, blue eyes, a red and white T-shirt, tan pants, red and white sneakers, and a huge grin. Ranboo noticed he had braces as well. He definitely gave off a feral kid living in the woods vibe. Not seeing any problem with opening the door for a kid and noticing his parents’ car was gone, he opened the door.

“Hullo! My name’s Tommy, I live next door! Why are you so fucking tall? I’m supposed to be the tall one.” Before Ranboo had the chance to get a word out, this kid- Tommy was going 100 miles an hour. 

Tommy pouted and crossed his arms, and Ranboo was just staring in shock. He wouldn’t be surprised if his mouth was hanging open. He was 6’6, which was tall, he would admit it, and this kid- Tommy was about 6’1 at best. 

“Uh… Hi… My name is Ranboo… Nice to meet you.” Ranboo stuck his hand out, and Tommy shook it with enthusiasm. 

“Ranboob? That’s a fucking awesome name.” Tommy laughed to himself before wiping an imaginary tear away. Ranboo didn’t have the heart to correct him.

That’s when Ranboo spotted another kid approaching. This kid had slightly messy brown hair, brown eyes, a dark green button-up shirt, and black jeans. He looked better than Tommy did. Tommy turned around to see what Ranboo was staring at, and Tommy’s eyes lit up.

“Tubs! Look how fucking tall he is! You think I could beat him in a fight?” Tommy twirled around to face Ranboo again and wildly gestured at him in case this new kid couldn’t tell who he was talking about.

“Tommy… leave the poor guy alone.” He shook his head with a sigh, but there was a beginning of a smile creeping onto his face, but he tried to remain serious. Once the kid got to where the other two were standing, he held out his hand and introduced himself.

Hi. My name is Tubbo, and I assume Tommy introduced himself and- wait… Tommy! Come look at this!” Well… there went Ranboo hopes that Tubbo wouldn’t be all over the place like Tommy was.

Tubbo grabbed Tommy’s wrist and pulled him away to look at the bees pollinating the flowers. Ranboo smiled; they seemed nice, at least. Better than the kids where he used to live. Ranboo glanced out toward the woods, and he saw it. A man..? He wasn’t sure, but the thing was wearing a mask with two black dots for eyes and a smile, a green cape with a hood, but the hood wasn’t on, which had the thing showing huge antlers sprouting out of messy darker blond hair alongside black ripped pants and brown combat boots. Ranboo could have mistaken it for a human if it wasn’t for the mask and antlers. 

That’s when he heard it; at first, he thought it was Tommy or Tubbo, but when he glanced over his shoulder, they were still looking at the flowers. It couldn’t have been them, but he heard a voice whispering to him. The voice surrounded him.

“Ranboo… Ranboo… Come to me…” Ranboo would later learn that his eyes turned a bright purple as he slowly walked in a trance-like state toward the creature in the woods. 

He didn’t even notice; he wasn’t in control at that moment until he heard Tommy’s voice.

“Aye?! Ranboo?! Where are you going??” The teen’s voice brought him back to reality when he noticed he was standing in the middle of the driveway, very close to the woods, where he saw the thing… creature… whatever you wanted to call it. 

He blinked and glanced back out into the forest but saw nothing. Maybe he just imagined it? Ranboo must have had a look on his face because Tommy’s bright grin slowly dissolved into a grave look.

“You saw it too..? I thought only Tubs and I could see it…” Tommy lowered his voice to a whisper, even though there was nobody around as if he was afraid to accidentally summon the creature. 

Ranboo didn’t trust his voice, so he just nodded. Tommy nodded to himself as Tubbo made his way over with a huge smile, but upon noticing the duo’s somber mood, his smile disappeared instantly. Almost like he immediately knew what Tommy was talking about. 

“I forgot you’re new around here. Well… listen… There is this old story, a myth as Techno would call it about a creature that haunts these woods. The myth says that only people under 18 can see him… They called him-” Tommy cut himself off as he glanced around before his voice lowered even more.

“They call him Dream… He’s known for taking children, and nobody knows what happens to them afterward. That’s what happened to the family in the house you just moved into. Their kid let him in and he killed the family.” Ranboo was almost entirely sure that his jaw was on the floor at this point.

That had to be the blur he saw from his bedroom window. That could have ended badly; he had no clue what his whole family had just walked into. Tubbo noticed the somber mood that overtook him and awkwardly patted him on the back. Ranboo forced a smile, retreated back to his house, and went back inside. After he made it back inside, he closed the door and pressed his back against it before slowly sliding down until he was sitting on the floor. He glanced up and around the living room; there wasn’t much to look at. The tv looked old as fuck, so he didn’t even have that to do.

It was getting pretty late, so he trudged back to his room and wanted to sleep. He reentered his room and stared at the bed that was covered in an unknown liquid before sighing. He rolled out the sleeping bag that he thankfully brought with him. He wasn’t about to get some disease by sleeping in that bed. He crawled into the sleeping bag; at least it was warm. He never did hear his parents come home…

When he awoke, it was pitch black out. Ranboo was awake mentally, but he found he couldn’t control his body. It was like he was booted out of the metaphorical driver’s seat into the passenger and had to watch his body move without his control. It was a weird feeling, something he could never put into words. Something he would never want to think about or remember ever again. 

Ranboo was still slightly sleepy, so he wasn’t fully aware of his body moving without his permission until he picked up a wood-chopping axe. The axe was sharp enough to cut through wood but dull enough to take more strikes than usual. The handle was wooden and worn down enough that there was the possibility he would get splinters if he didn’t handle it right. It’s not like he knew how to use an axe in the first place. 

“Ranboo… Ranboo… come to me…” He recognized the voice, and a shiver went down his spine. It was that Dream… thing…

Why couldn’t he control himself? What the everloving fuck was happening? He stumbled toward the door; whatever was controlling his body had difficulty putting one foot in front of the other. He tried his best to fight, but he could do nothing when he was forced back into the dark corner of his mind. Where all the intrusive and evil thoughts were. His ears were ringing; he wanted so badly to cover them. His head was pounding, thoughts fluttering around at a million miles an hour. None of them were good thoughts.

None of them were his thoughts. 

He opened the door into the night, and cold air swept inside quickly. The cold was terrible, but his body didn’t shiver once. He lumbered toward the woods, axe in hand, no clue to what fate would await him. Once his eyes adjusted to the night, he shuddered internally.

This was the way to Tommy’s house.

He had a sick feeling that he knew exactly what was going to happen and tried to struggle, but how can one fit the body if one can’t control said body. It was a losing battle, and Ranboo knew it. Yet, he had to try. At least to give himself the knowledge that he tried. He said that he didn’t want this to happen.

He was annoying, wasn’t he? He deserves this!

Those definitely weren’t his thoughts. He liked Tommy, for fuck’s sake. He was friendly and had a good sense of humor, a good break from the people Ranboo used to be around, and he didn’t want to hurt him.

Ranboo was standing in Tommy’s driveway. It was empty… his parents weren’t home. Nobody would be around to hear his screams or pleas. The door was open. That is never a good sign. He pushed it open further and paused when it made a loud creaking noise. When nobody came to check, he continued. Internally, Ranboo was sobbing; he didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to do this.

You know you wanted to.

Ranboo just wanted it all to stop. Tommy was lying on the living room floor watching TV at full blast. He would never have seen what was coming. Ranboo stood behind him and raised the axe. He wanted to stop himself, yet in morbid fascination, he wanted to watch. He brought the axe down. He chopped, and he chopped, and he chopped. Ranboo opened his eyes and saw Dream standing over him. Ranboo was gone. The real Ranboo was gone. All that was left was this horrifying, evil shell of him. That was the last time anyone heard from Ranboo. 

However, the myth changed. Dream was the same was ever, but now there was a 7’ foot tall creature with black and white skin, messy black and white hair, horns, a tail, and wearing a suit. Some new creature joined Dream in the forest that day, and its eyes were glowing purple…

[nerdalmighty]

hi! i read your fic in one sitting and was bamboozled by how good, intuitive, and natural your writing is. i was therefore wondering if you work irl in the industry? in any case, thank you for blessing us with your writing.

Anon you have no idea how much this means to me!!! Thank you for taking the time to read and for sending me a message 🥰 I'm so glad you enjoyed my writing style! I know most fics are more descriptive and less dialogue heavy, but that's the kind of stuff I enjoy reading from time to time and it seems like others do too :) I'm also glad it sounds natural! You read the thing you've written a billion times and suddenly you're like "Oh wait, this actually sucks," so I'm glad that's not true 😅

As for my work in the industry, I'm still a little baby starting out and getting my foot in the door! It's the dream to eventually write on a show and eventually create my own show, but for now I'm chugging along on the production side of things! Everybody's gotta start somewhere 😊 I have a few pilots and specs (a script for a show that already exists to prove you can write in their style) and hopefully one day I'll get to expand on those!

Again, you are so sweet to send this message and I can't thank you enough!! It made my day!!!! Part 2 is coming soon, just waiting on my beta, and it should be up at some point next week!!! AH!!! I'M EXCITED!!!

If anyone is interested, I posted an 18+ Astarion x reader fic on my writing blog here. MDNI

I'm gonna use this opportunity to post a new snippet since I'm too excited lol - find it under the cut:

You were awoken some time later by a lick to the face. 

You shut your eyes tighter and groaned. “Gross, Astarion, I’m trying to sleep.” You threw an arm over your eyes, the sun now directly overhead. 

“Did you find them, boy?” A voice shouted from the distance.

Your eyes shot open and found Scratch panting above you, wagging his tail excitedly. 

You sat up quickly and immediately leaned over to shake Astarion who appeared to be trancing soundly. 

“Astarion,” you shook him anxiously. 

He scowled, his eyes still closed. He groaned lowly.

“Astarion, my dear, my sweet, my beloved,” you shook him harder and his eyes opened immediately. He sat up, fast as lightning.

“What’s happening? Where’s my knife?” He looked around frantically until his eyes landed on you. “Ah,” he said, calming, “déjà vu.” 

“They’re coming,” you hissed.

“Who?” Astarion narrowed his eyes, thoughts still foggy from his trance. 

“No FUCKING way!” Came Karlach’s voice from the treeline. 

You looked over and found her with an elated grin on her face and her hands on her knees. She started laughing loudly and you hid your face in your hands. 

“You guys did NOT,” she wheezed. 

“Hello Karlach,” Astarion’s voice sounded nonchalant beside you. “What brings you out to ruin our beauty sleep?” 

“Did you find them?” Shadowheart soon emerged from the forest and stopped in her tracks. She surveyed the area and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Astarion, tell me you didn’t.”

“Did what, darling?” He sounded smug and you looked over at him. His expression matched his tone. “You’ll have to be more specific.” He rested his chin on your shoulder.

“I fucking knew this would happen,” Karlach said, coming down from her laughing fit. “Soldier’s had her eye on you for a while now, Fangs.”

“Karlach!” You whisper-shouted.

“Oh, I’m aware,” you felt Astarion turn his head to look at you.

[strawberryjamsara]

Persona 3 reload: a retrospective

A while back, I watched a let’s play of persona 3. And I hated it. I found it juvenile, nihilistic, extremely gross, and I felt like the members of sees were hardly friends, so their bonds hardly meant anything.

But, Persona 5 is a game I love, and also a long game that I’ve played multiple times, so I wasn’t sure if I was ready to play it again. And I had scrounged up enough for the new game, with me reasoning to myself that I’d have a better experience playing myself

And I was right. Everything I didn’t see in the game before came out at me in this playthrough so much I wondered if the original was ever really as bad as I thought.

So I just wanna recount a lot of the experience here. Beware of spoilers.

story and themes.

In my first watch, Persona 3’s story sort of felt like what I’d come up with at 14. Constant talks about how death is inevitable, nothing matters, and a line at the end saying our dead protagonist “found the answer” by dying which honestly made my jaw drop when seeing it. Not a good thing for someone with constant suicidal thoughts to hear, and the line struck me as tasteless, gross, and neglectful of the audience mental health.

That line is still there, and I still despise it, but this time around, I better understood the message the entire game wants to convey, that being: “Yes death is inevitable, yes nothing in life matters: which is why it’s important to live each day to the fullest and make your time matter.” This is shown by the fictional condition “apathy syndrome” a syndrome that literally makes you stand in place doing nothing forever, essentially a giving up on life that is what the villains hope to inflict on the world. The fall isn’t just an instant death. It’s plunging every human on earth into this state of apathy, and through this, they will all die while not even doing anything about this, and THATS what makes Nyx terrifying. And understanding this, it greatly raised my appreciation. The game also comes with a label warning for heavy themes and advising players to take a break if it gets too hard, which I appreciate.

There’s also a pretty good conflict with the heroes that being: the want for the world to constantly be in peril so they have something to do with their lives. This was sort of in Persona 5 with the thieves (Or really just Ryuji) soaking in popularity, but Persona 3 is a much better utilized version of this. All these people hated their lives before they became humanities saviors, and the idea of losing that purpose in life is scary to them. It’s only through their bonds with eachother they come to realize what they’re actually living for, and makes the villains Strega perfect foils, because their bonds with eachother aren’t enough. Jin obviously would give the world for Takaya, but they so easily threw Chidori away for bonding with the ones who took away their purpose. Takaya is pushed forward by pure nihilism and the ability to do whatever the hell he wants, and so he neglects the people around him. Jin dies in his final fight with you to protect Takaya’s dreams, and Takaya in his last moments wishes Jin could see the end but he didn’t. Takaya put his power trip over the only person he had left, so he was alone at the end.

I will say though, that while Strega are good villains, I don’t really like the games wishy washy handling of the Kirijo group. I’ll talk more about Mitsuru and her bond with her father when I get to characters (it’s nowhere near as bad as Haru though) but while the actions of the company are truly horrific, it sort of looks away from what it means for Mitsuru to inherit a company that caused this entire disaster then profited off of it, which like, yes I hate capitalism, but it’s also a very fascinating thread of idea that gets dropped. Also, yes, making the villains the group of orphans who were experimented on by the Kirijo group and have nothing from the heiress except a line about how she had ‘no idea’ and having the main characters work with the police, and the police being seen as a role model, and working with a coorporation is. A choice. And a huge downgrade from P5. Back to Mitsuru and the Kirijo’s though, this sort of thing could easily have been explored in her social link.

Speaking of which….

Social links and linked episodes

So when I watched that let’s play, the worst part for me was the social links. They were where a lot of personas signature brand really gross content came from, and the characters were utterly uninteresting to me. So were they bad as I remembered?

Yes and no.

One big thing I’m glad they’ve changed is that in the original game, whenever you maxed your bond with a female character you’d enter a relationship no matter what. So if you wanted to max your bond with multiple girls, then guess what! You’re cheating on your girlfriend. This lead to moments where I cringe in sympathy because Mitsuru is ranting to her fiancé about how much better and kinder the protagonist is and knowing this boy is leading on seven different girls.

Also some of the bonds were better than I gave them credit for! I loved coaching the group of kids with Yuko, being with Hayase in rough times, and helping Kamiki come to terms with his death.

Some were just as bad as I remembered though.

The hermit social link is extremely uncomfortable, having to listen to a woman who is obviously your teacher gleefully talk about her plans to get you alone to date you and the game treating this as funny and not horrific. Or Kenji talking about dating his teacher. Or a girl whose so nervous around boys so you can fix her and she becomes confident enough to protest a sign at school condemning relationships between students and teachers- what is with this game and student teacher relationships?

There’s also the problem of the best options in some of these links involve being an enabler. Yes little girl, run away from home, and only bring your insurance card, this is a great idea. If you don’t wanna take the optimal route and say that, you can tell her she deserved her parents hitting her. Yeah, in the original let’s play, I had NEVER hated a main character more than this guy and he was literally a silent protagonist.

I still really hate these moments. I could get attached to the main character (probably because I was playing as him, and there was more time in between… this. And also he wasn’t a cheater) but I still felt so ick picking what I knew was the best option.

So what about the parties links?

I think they’re a mixed bag. Yukari and Aigis have incredibly good social links about themselves and their lives, but Mitsuru’s is clearly just written with romance first, introducing a fiancé who is never mentioned anywhere else in the game for the protagonist to be better than, and Fuuka took a potentially interesting character and made her character arc about what a good cook she is. Thanks Atlus, feminist as always.

But what about the boys? Hahaha… sickos… YEEEES.

The boys in the original game did not have social links. This contributed to my original feeling like SEES weren’t friends, and my dislike towards the protagonist that you couldn’t hang out with any of your roommates who weren’t romance options to cheat on, but reload fixes this. Well, sorta.

Instead of social links, you have ‘linked episodes’ with the boys where you spend a day together and get stat upgrades, and I LOVED this. Often during these episodes the rest of sees would come together and hang, and even if they didn’t, the character insight offered felt worthwhile and like they had bonded. This and study sessions with the group, seeing Yukari Junpei and the protagonist spending time as a group chatting after school, and nightly activities where you could chill with your dormates after dark contributed so much to making these bonds feel more real, and making me believe they’re friends. Even if it’s just the protagonist hanging out with Akihiko on his own, you still get bits of him talking about Shinji and Mitsuru that make it feel alive. I LOVE how sometimes if you go to Tartarus one person won’t be able to make it because they’re out, or they’re studying, or they’re just not feeling it. It makes you feel like you need to take everyone’s schedules to heart. I’m aware that last feature is in the original, but it feels a lot more meaningful to play it for myself.

I’m getting off topic. Time to talk about

The characters

A lot of the characters in P3 I did not like on my first go. With the exception of Yukari and Junpei. And I’m glad to say I’ve come around to all of them this time around. So to go one by one:

Junpei Iori

Junpei at first seems like your typical first persona party member. He’s not very bright, he’s sexist in the way a lot of teenage boys are, and he’s seemingly just there for comic relief.

Then the game flips the script. You realize Junpei is insecure of you. You realize that his girlbestie who teases him all the time, may actually be getting under his skin. You realize that he’s so deeply and utterly sad, and finding out that the entire world would crumble without him is the best thing that happened in his life.

And then he meets the first love of his life.

Chidori and Junpeis romance is so well written, and makes me wish the games would make more romances for your party members instead of the obnoxious romance system that exists where the developers think if the player can’t date any woman that moves they’ll keel over dead.

Junpei finds with Chidori the first girl he doesn’t just think of as someone to hit on for the man points. He finds a genuine crush, someone he cares about the safety and well being of, and a reason to keep going and saving the world because Chidori is in it. And Chidori finds much of the same in him. Watching Junpei turn from a womanizing creep into the sweet guy who waits at Chidoris hospital bed every day was something that even in my first watch had me gnashing my teeth about how Yosuke and Ryuji didn’t touch this level. So yeah. Junpei is great and so is his character arc.

Yukari Takeba

Yukari was the other character I was attached to first run. Mostly because the lets player kept talking about how much he hated her and nothing makes me love a female character more than male audiences treating her like shit, but I was also just attached to her relationship with Junpei. They were the only characters that to me felt like genuine friends, and you could see by the way they’d jab at eachother back and forth.

And I was glad for her headstrong nature. She was the one questioning what was really going on, and she could be mean, and angry, and unpleasant. She could kinda suck, and I appreciated her for that. The scene in my first time where she tries to cheer up Junpei by teasing him and it backfires miserably lived in my head rent free for a while.

And while my opinions of Junpei being a good character pretty much stayed the same this time, my love for Yukari skyrocketed. I realized how endlessly loving she is, and yet how emotionally stunted her beginnings made her, with her dads death, her moms distance, and her friends leaving her behind. I loved when I realized ‘Oh. It’s not just that one time. Junpeis been bothered by her teasing since the beginning, but it’s her expression of love because she’s afraid of vulnerability.’ I loved how she connected with the protagonist, she found someone in a similar situation, but she could still be an asshole to him sometimes because she’s messy and complicated (and side note: I think I ship shuyuka now.)

So yeah. Yukari is a ten out of ten character.

Akihiko Sanada

I thought this guy had no personality the first time around. What was I thinking? Oh boy, I love this dork.

Akihiko going on about bolstering his muscles but can’t bolster his social skills enough for a normal conversation (Mr Autism my good friend) is already endearing to me, but what really comes in clutch is his relationships to Mitsuru and Shinji.

Aki is the only person in the group who doesn’t really see Mitsuru as an authority figure, disobeying her orders from the very start to not push himself, and pushing her buttons a little, a far cry from how she’s essentially the leader (yes I know the protagonist is the textual leader but let’s be real. Mitsuru is the leader.) and they’re a bond I feel like I neglected my first time around.

But let’s talk Shinji.

Akihiko and Shinji are a tragedy and despite knowing how it ended every step of the way this time, I couldn’t help getting attached. Aki losing the only friend he had as an orphan was not all at once but a slow burn. It’s easy to see coming, and yet Akihiko is Sisyphus pushing that boulder up the hill, hoping this time, things can go back to normal with every time he tries to talk him into joining, not realizing the boulder is already falling to the man’s death and Shinji knows it.

I think his final awakening and development happened to fast after that though. Like at least give the man more than a day of his best friend being dead before you make him have his big revelation.

Okay that’s pretty much all my thoughts but one last thing: I didn’t realize how hilariously gay coded he is my first time. He has crowds of adoring girls around him but doesn’t talk to any of them and instead goes to hang with the guys. He’s best friends with Mitsuru and romance isn’t hinted at once. Why are you as a man so obsessed with Shinji, hm?

Fuuka Yamagishi

I think Fuuka has an incredibly strong entrance into the game.

Her status as a navigator is like any person playing their first persona game and gets the navigator, pretty weak at first. Until you realize how powerful she really is. And I think that’s a good metaphor for her character. Turning her bully into her best friend shows her kindness, but also her strength at how she got Natsuki to respect her, not through brute strength but just by being good to her and saving her, and began to spend time with her because of this respect.

Unfortunately, Fuuka is pretty stagnant through most of the story.

I’m glad for some things like her bond with Yukari, and how she finds out the truth behind the Kirijo’s, but it seems like most of this is frontloaded while she takes a backseat to other plotlines, and most of her lines just seem to be her using her persona.

She does get one last incredible scene though in her evolution. When Natsuki leaves and gives Fuuka encouragement, I honestly did feel tears in my eyes for this friendship and the growth Fuuka had knowing she had people who loved her, in both Natsuki and SEES. I speak as someone who usually HATES the bully and victim become friends trope when I say they were a highlight.

So Fuuka isn’t my favorite but she’s a worthy character. I would fix some stuff, but I care her.

Mitsuru Kirijo

This is another character I found bland and uninteresting my first time. I can’t believe how dumb I was.

Okay, so there’s problems with Mitsurus character. I’ve mentioned most of them. Her social link, her becoming the heiress to the evil coorporation, etc etc. but oh goodness is she interesting.

This girl subjected herself to some implied horrific shit for the sake of correcting her families injustices. Because she didn’t want her father to live with the guilt. So she became isolated, depressed, and a bit of a ‘no fun allowed’ type. It could be argued that in the beginning she wants to rid the world of the dark hour the most.

But she’s also just a kid who shouldn’t have to subject herself to that. Her happiest moments aren’t when she’s talking to the father she wants to appease but with her found family in SEES.

As for Mitsurus dad- okay it’s not a Haru’s dad situation. I CAN see some of why Mitsuru cares about him. He’s the ‘stoic but kind’ archetype. The ‘beforetimes’ referred to are before the near end of the world was caused by this man’s father and left him feeling awful, and Mitsuru herself wanted to change that. But I still think the game glorifies him a little bit. Like hey, Strega said they were gathered by Kirijo group to learn persona summoning, and I’m pretty sure Mitsurus grandpa died in that explosion, so who was in charge of those child experiments that killed orphans? You wanna answer that game?

But okay, at the very least, I can see why Mitsuru would care for her father. He’s not as cartoonishly awful as Okumura is, he is an actual human being. And the game keeps its focus on this arc on Mitsuru where it belongs. And her big awakening is, while it’s still not great about acknowledging her dads shit, where it should be. On her realizing she has her friends.

So yes, Mitsuru isn’t as tightly written as Junpei and Yukari, but she’s still a good character.

Aigis

While most characters my first time around felt boring, Aigis felt fetishistic.

Like yes, this robot girls first action is to bury her face in the players bare chest. She watches you while you sleep. This is a running theme. Not only that, but I did not buy her transition into caring about SEES and becoming more human for reasons stated before. SEES don’t feel like friends, yadda yadda yadda.

This time around though, I saw a lot differently. Having the main character slowly bond with her as a friend outside her directive made her feel so much more like a character and not a writers fantasy. I liked little things like how she got excited over ladybugs and that made me appreciate other things like how she goes ‘maaan’ to repeat Junpei or how she gets into an argument with Koromaru. And this made her character development and realization of life’s beauty so much more impactful.

A robot who comes to understand life is a very typical trope, one that I love dearly. My first time didn’t really capture any of the magic for me, but this time around I really love Aigis.

Koromaru

Well, Koromaru is a simple character. He’s literally a dog. He does dog things. He’s implied to be smarter than the average dog. He has a backstory. But sometimes that’s all you need. He is a puppy. A creature. He’s your best friend. He’s loyal and he guarded the place of his last owner. I love you puppy.

Ken Amada

Okay, so first time, I thought Ken had the pieces of an arc that were decent but everything happened so fast. He was introduced, then the next time he did something significant it was saying his backstory and then attempted murder.

I think reloads linked episodes fixed this for me because god I wanna hug this kid. The way they imply his suicidal idealation, and how everyone in SEES sees him as a little brother, give him a family, but he just keeps ruminating on the single worst day of his life so bad he makes another. This kid has such good character development.

Shinjiro Aragaki

God I love Shinji. I love the ‘tough guy secretly loves dogs’ tropes. I love how he knows he’s doomed but still uses his last moments to try and make sure Ken doesn’t end up like him. I love how he cares about Akihiko but doesn’t want to move past his trauma. I love how he’s stuck in place as he is, refusing to let things go but is still fundamentally kind. I love Shinji.

Shuji Ikutsuki

Despite the fact I knew his betrayal was coming this time, I didn’t wanna believe Ikutsuki was a bad guy.

I loved his bad puns, his notebook full of them, how he suggested making the garden, how he just came to hang out in the living room sometimes to be supportive. I love you can catch him on camera making his bad jokes and laughing like a hyena to know that even if he was a shitty dude in the end, he genuinely loved those jokes. After everything he put you through, he was genuine when he told you his bad jokes. Which to me, is far more interesting than anything anyone has ever gleaned from Adachi.

Ryoji Mochizuki

Ryoji is honestly a very good character and I’m shocked. I’ve seen people compare him to Akechi for ‘friends who turn into antagonists’ but as much as I love Akechi, I don’t think Ryoji is anything like him.

But boy do I love him.

While the idea of a nice grim reaper has been done a million times, a kind hand guiding you towards the afterlife, (mind you I love that trope) Ryoji is the first time I’ve seen a bringer of death who hates being one. He loves life, and his friends, and the idea of it ending is scary, but inevitable and he wants to offer a choice, and it honestly feels so gut wrenching when you spend all this time waiting for him to betray you, when you realize he’s just a sweet kid who didn’t ask for this. And honestly, I think I liked him my first time around for that reason. Ryomina is a different story, but I came around to that too this time, and I don’t want this to be bogged down with thoughts on shipping.

Chidori

I pretty much got all my thoughts about Jin and Takaya down in the story section so I’ll skip right to Chidori. And I love her.

Chidori in the beginning feels like just another member of Strega. But when she gets taken to the hospital by SEES partway through, you can see that Strega were not very good to her. They don’t really care most of the game to try and free her, and we find out that she’s been self harming for a while- something Strega doesn’t just ignore, but considering Takayas philosophy, probably actively encouraged. And I like that at first, SEES aren’t equipped to handle her either. They close in and interrogate a very obviously traumatized and mentally ill girl before Junpei busts in to yell at them to give her space.

And I like how we see her passion for art. That despite her claims she cares for nothing, obviously she can’t do that. She loves art. And it’s because of Junpei she really wakes up to that.

I love Chidori

Conclusion

Honestly, I’m not sure if I can put my finger on what it was about Persona 3 that clicked for me this time. Maybe it was the linked episodes, maybe it was playing it for myself, maybe I’m just better at literary comprehension and analysis than before.

But P3 this time really stuck to me, and despite its flaws, I really do get the hype now.

[anaalnathrakhs]

1, 55, or 57 with Mick and a ship of your choosing for the put that guy in a situation thing <3

ty for requesting bestie i tried going for the whole triad (though more 1. and 57.) AND with the nice usual serving of polycrue bc i'm an indecisive bitch here u go hope it's cool bc none of it was written at socially acceptable waking hours

This is a Song for the Broken Hearted

1k words Rated T for The usual motley crue bullshit Polycrue Prompts: 1. Touch-Starved/Cuddle Curse, 55. Mutual Pining/Oblivious, 57. Accidental Hand-Holding

ALSO AVAILABLE ON AO3, MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM FOLKS

The very first time Mötley Crüe played what they could proudly call a show, not merely a gig, Vince had strutted towards the audience down in the pit, grabbing Nikki’s hand on the way, and o grace, Mick’s too. Tommy had bounced away from his drumkit and come to join them in the front, standing to Mick’s side hand in hand.

His heart had thumped in his chest, desperately. Vince’s crowd-charming nonsense spilled out and Mick heard none of it, none of the rumble of the public just below, droning noises washing up on the cliffside of his brains. 

Everything felt gross. 

Their palms were thoroughly damp, melding together like mud after the rain. 

Sweat beaded on his forehead, smeared down his back and matted his hair. 

His clothes hung heavy, rough and irritating and too real against his skin.

But nothing mattered at that moment. The electricity that ran through his veins when from either side his boys squeezed his hands as they bowed down to the public, however painful it might be for him, that was all the comfort he ever needed. And if it were to never happen again, if Mötley Crüe was destined to go out in a blaze of glory only months before they’d started doing real concerts, then Mick could still ride on that high for the rest of his life. 

It was exhilarating. Euphoric. Completely foreign. He could thread his fingers through theirs, and know they’d drag him with them, to wherever was the next stop in their headless chicken adventure through this new emerging scene.

Mick thought he knew his way around being in a band. It wasn’t his first stage, it wasn’t his first rodeo. But none of his bandmates before had been quite like this. Quite as stupid, if there was a nice way to put it. But neither were they quite as warm and oh so desperately alive as Nikki, Vince, and Tommy never stopped being for a single second. This band was going places.

It was a great tearing, when the hands went away, dropped his own to their cold solitude and left him until the next encore. 

From then on, it became his lifeline. Fragmented and explosive as their ensemble could be, slave to Nikki’s moods, and Vince’s whims, and Tommy’s recklessness, and despite his teeth often grinding in anger, despair, and so much more, it was the cement of it all. None of this could have existed if it were not for the monstrous, evergoing current that flowed through the four of them, merciless. He sought it, this familiar chaos that had come to feel like coming home. He couldn’t have done anything else, could he? 

He could always count on the warmth, the comfortable warmth of the hands that took his. The only constant. A definitive sign that none of them would let go.

That’s the vision that visited his dreams, often when he passed out slowly in the little hours of the morning, alone again.

He remembered the fluid touch of Tommy’s thumb, rubbing circles on the back of his hand. Like he somehow knew, or had guessed, or maybe had Mick told him in a moment of weakness he didn’t remember, how precious this minuscule fragment of time was to him. And with such delicacy too; disgusting, terrifying delicacy, like Mick’s hands were going to break, like he didn’t want to hurt his guitarist. His calluses, inevitable from the constant friction of the drumsticks, anchored the feeling deep in Mick’s mind.

He searched for Vince’s hand in the dark sometimes, hoping for the squeeze he earned after hours of playing, sweating, and tearing the music from the strings. The intimate millisecond where someone, anyone, told him and him alone that he’d done good. He’d always squeeze back. Vince seemed to notice, and smiled bright and solar at Mick before turning to the crowd and announcing the greatest motherfucker on guitar, the one and only Mick Mars. But the hand meant so much more.

Nikki never did touch as much, moreso he reluctantly let Vince drag his hand as well during salute, but every once in a while he brushed Mick’s hand walking past, before the show, at the afterparty, when he left rehearsal. He never looked, never looked away either. For the longest time, it seemed like happy little accidents, until one day he blinked at Mick, and all the pieces of the puzzle fell together, practically screaming at him that he was seen. It was Nikki’s way to prove him he was right there with them. Mick felt nauseous, yet he kept leaning towards his bandmates.

And for a while, it seemed like all he was ever going to get. 

Because that was the sad truth. Mick wanted. Wanted so much, so desperately it almost made him sick, so deeply he’d feel his heart break over and over again every day the bustling afterparty died down behind his back as he staggered back home.

He never wanted to face it, never wanted to look down at their interlocked hands, in fear that it would start within him something he could not quench. His wife’s hand had felt like a bridge above the inevitable gap. These hands felt like the rightful place for his. Like everything was finally on the right track, and he never ever wanted them to leave. He crossed his arms at night, held onto himself like a lifeline to fight off the emptiness of a lone bed in a lone apartment.

That is, until the day he must’ve dozed off drunk on someone’s couch, and when he woke up in the dark, helped by a sliver of sunlight coming in through the patchy broken blinds, he saw before he felt the hands in his hands, on his chest, around his waist. 

He didn’t ask any questions. Didn’t speak a word. There could have been many to raise, of the sort of why the hell exactly were his bandmates using him as a pillow. Why didn’t they just go home, to their ratty nasty flat, though that one might’ve been self-evident. What would they do when they woke up. But he didn’t say any of that. Instead he let himself melt into the pleasant warmth of the softest binds he’d ever known.

The mindless humming around him was proof enough that everything was going to turn out alright.

[astraymetronome]

is it wrong that I kinda want to see dream Being used as a stuffed toy by a sleepy/ bird brain Tommy ?

Nope! Of course not!

Be aware this is a one-off for my main story! I've been working on it since this ask came in around mid-March. I've named it to put it on Ao3 and for my master list!

Warning- Emetophobia, Mentions of fatal vore, a single mention of the character Wilbur soot.

Otherwise please enjoy,

A Nest of Pig and Sheep.

Note-

Birds are really nice and I have an obsession with dsmp. Also- sorry I haven't posted in a while, I'm working on chapter three so expect that soon enough. I also got my nose pierced and it's infected so I'm juggling things.

I'm also well aware of the current Wilbur situation and I support Shubble 100%! It's a little confusing and everything so I'm not gonna bring Wilbur up in anything I post for a while. I just don't know how to feel about it.

Tommy still remembered the stress he’d felt when talking with Techno about the situation currently sitting in his stomach. He’s gotten into a routine of when he would keep Dream trapped away and when Techno would keep an eye on Dream while he took a moment to eat, getaway, and just take a break. It wasn’t that bad, more stressful because Dream refused to let Tommy relax. It was a bad mix for the avian because he couldn’t help the side of his instincts that screamed to please those he imprinted on. 

Now, Dream wasn’t the only one he imprinted on. He’d imprinted on Techno and some other family, but the stupid ram was the first one he’d been around when his wings sprouted. If the bird was honest, exile had been hell over the 5 years he’d been stuck in that dumb ass tent. Imprints were hard to get over, it was the main reason he kept wanting to go back to Dream despite his human brain knowing the horrid relationship they shared. 

Either way, he was struggling to handle everything together. Tommy was still getting over the past, waking up screaming and having night terrors. His scars would always throb afterward and he was constantly dealing with hearing words from his abdomen as Dream messed with him even from his containment. 

It was getting to the point where he was struggling to sleep. Dream would always wait till Tommy was dozing off to start squirming and basically revive his bitching about the situation he’d gotten himself into. It always pissed him off because he was always tired when it happened and he couldn’t do anything about it because they couldn’t trust not having someone watch the shitty ram when he was outside of Tommy’s stomach. 

So here he was, half asleep at the kitchen table while Techno made some breakfast. He’s gotten used to chugging the gross mix of fire resistance and regen pots in order to make sure his body wouldn’t hurt him. Despite how much Tommy despised Dream, he couldn’t bring himself to harm him. Yeah, he’d taken the bastard's first two lives, but he wasn’t a monster. 

A yawn left him as he watched the piglin brute cook. He would normally try to help, wanting to assist his brother, but Dream hadn’t let him sleep the night before or last night as well. He was angry as he sleepily grumbled and listened to the sound of the sizzling eggs. The smell made his stomach churn, hunger burning more than the potions under his skin. Normally he’d let Dream out in the morning so they both could eat and avoid the embarrassment, but Tommy wasn’t in the mood to deal with him right now.

The avian had dealt with enough anger last night that the idea of being screamed at and cursed out for eating now wasn’t even on his mind. He didn’t care if this pissed off the admin, all he wanted was to eat and try to forget about how tired he was. 

“Theseus, you can always do chores later.” The piglin man said with a very small sigh. It was obvious that Techno could see how bone-deep exhausted his little brother was. Tommy found that familiar irritation bubbling in his stomach, wanting to snap at him but he knew better than to bite the hand that feeds you. He just nodded, watching him cook once again. 

His eyes were beginning to droop close as his brother worked, the soft sounds of pans and controlled flame were lulling him back to sleep only for his stomach to lurch as a rough shove was placed at the base of his esophagus. Nausea swelled quickly, saliva pooling into his mouth at the same speed. He couldn’t help the growl that built in his throat, a subconscious way to threaten the movement inside his body.  

He missed the way Techno’s ears twitched, perking up and towards his direction at the sound. Tommy sat up once more, it was probably a better idea to just give up on sleeping now or at all. 

The minutes passed rather quickly, at least as far as he could tell. He blinked softly as his brother placed a plate in front of him before a small cup of tea was sat down as well. He felt a little confused but the smell of it was honestly heavenly. Tommy wanted to scoop up the cup and gulp the apple-scented liquid. He went to cup his hands around the small glass only for his older brother to gently take hold of his hands. 

“Before you eat, you’re letting Dream out.” Techno said as he carefully pulled him out of the chair. Tommy held back a chirp, wanting to whine and complain but he didn’t have the energy for it. He gave a nod, agreeing with what his brother wanted before walking to the sink. He acknowledged that the piglin had stepped away as he leaned over and tried to empty his stomach. He couldn’t do it as efficiently as he could with a crop, but avians lacked a gag reflex in exchange for being able to empty their stomachs at will. 

Tommy could feel the uncomfortable sensation in his stomach before the squirming weight was forced up and out. He caught the small body in his palms, fingers cradling Dream’s form as he held back a weak whine. He didn’t like throwing up, at all, but they didn’t have a reliable way to trap him. Tommy set Dream down into a bowl of clean soapy water before washing the acid and potions mixer off his hands. He then moved to start cleaning the same combination off of the small ram’s form. Within a moment of starting, Techno placed a hand on his shoulder and carefully pulled him away from the sink. 

“I can do it, go eat.” The man mumbled as he pushed the avian towards the table. Tommy simply sighed before giving in and returning to the table. 

___

Tommy had devoured most of his breakfast before Techno had finished rinsing Dream off. It was the best thing he’d had in days even if eggs and toast were a pretty common choice for the two of them. The tea had been a sweeter addition than he’d like but it was nice and warmed him up well with how a fire had yet to be made. He could feel the sleepy side of his brain acting up, wanting to give in to the sleepy desire to curl up in his nest. By the time Techno had sat down with Dream tucked into his dress shirt’s front pocket, it was the best place for Techno to keep him without losing his location. 

Tommy finished the cup of tea, placing it down before he shoved the last egg into his mouth. He still remembered how his brothers used to call him a cannibal for liking eggs. It wasn’t like they were chicken, plus some kinds of birds eat other breeds. Starlings were prone to it, that's true, but it wasn’t like he wanted to actively hunt actual birds. He didn’t want to do that again. Exile had been the all-time low, he refused to return to that place of his mental and physical health. 

He couldn’t help a pleased chirp at the positive weight in his stomach, it wasn’t as heavy as Dream so the sensation wasn’t causing a constant discomfort in his belly. He gave a gentle smile before looking towards his older brother, Techno was eating his own breakfast all while offering some bits to Dream. The main thing that caused a giggle to bubble in his throat was the fact the piglin had lamb sausages instead of beef-related. 

A small giggle erupted from his throat before the teen blinked in slight confusion. He wasn’t one to do that. Laughing was something everyone did but Tommy never <em>giggled.</em> He blinked as he looked back up at his brother. He felt confused as he looked around a little before turning to pick up the cup once more. It didn’t smell drugged in any way so nothing really made sense for the fact he began to feel a little on the loppy side. 

Techno sighed after a moment before standing, taking the cup from his hand, and setting it down. “Go curl up in my den Tommy.” The brute said before just resuming his meal as if he didn’t just confuse the fuck out of him. Tommy didn’t feel that bothered regardless, his brain just felt fuzzy. The baby bird in his head just happily chirped, eager to listen to his protector as he went to scoop up his plate and cup, planning to place them down in the sink. 

Techno simply chuffed, the sound causing Tommy to stop and warble out a complaint. It didn’t even seem to matter since, in seconds, he gave up complaining and instead relaxed to let his older brother take care of the dishes. 

A nap in the den sounded nice. 

____

Techno watched as Tommy made his way up towards his room. He gave a fond smile once his back was turned and just kept his eyes on how Tommy seemed to be calmer after having drank the tea. The brute found himself sighing as he glanced toward the main elephant in the room, the man in his pocket. The piglin pulled him out, looking over the bastard before placing him on the table.

“Dream. If you don’t stop being stubborn, I’ll eat you myself, and I <em>won’t</em> let you out.”  He had respect for the ram, of course, but if Dream didn’t bother to respect Tommy after he won fair and square, he’d do it. He was a man of his word after all. 

He could see the way his face shifted and contorted to understand what he was saying, Dream’s face turned slightly frightened before steeling into a stern gaze. “You wouldn’t dare. You can’t kill me, the server would die without an admin!” He barked out. The piglin gave a huff as he scooped up the small man and held him in a loose but firm grip. His hoofs tapped on the tile as he stepped to the sink, placing the plates down inside. 

He set Dream on the counter, making sure he was trapped in a glass that wouldn’t allow the dirty blonde to even sit up let alone have the coordination to find a way out. He was quick with the dishes, making sure to keep his eyes on the small man just to be safe. Once he’d finished, and dried off his hands, he made sure to scoop up the man. 

“We’re going upstairs, Tommy should be in his instincts by now and I’d rather not deal with an angry bird.” The brute sighed. Techno was well aware he was the reason the avian was in this state. Phil had told him Chamomile tea was a good natural way to trigger instincts. It worked on any hybrid but was really effective on avians. He knew how Tommy was growing up. Before he had even grown his wings the boy’s instincts were bad. The blonde had always been a nest/den hog whenever he was tired or sick. Considering his brother probably hadn’t had a good bout of instincts in a while, this was well overdue since Tommy would rarely even chirp or coo whenever he was comfortable. 

Within moments of opening the door, his instincts screaming happily at the heat, Tommy had sat up, his elf-like ears perking curiously, as he tilted his head. He could see how blown out his pupils were, they were widened to the point the smallest rim of the blue could be seen. With this, the blue looked less dull, and brighter than the way Tommy had been before the five years of exile. 

If the piglin hybrid was honest, he wished he’d heard about his exile before two years had passed. As far as he’d been aware, Tommy had just been living his life in La’Manburg. His brother probably would have ended up being a vice president or something more. Dream was the main reason, having told others he’d inform Phil and Techno but that hadn’t happened. Phil had been informed through Tubbo and Quackity when they’d rangled him in for the compass and Techno had found out from Ghostbur about a week after Phil had left for La’Manburg. 

He felt guilty about it, even after Tommy had betrayed him and left to go back to the people who harmed them both, he knew he’d be here whenever Tommy needed him. That was the role of an older brother and, if Wilbur wasn’t going to fill that role, he would step up and be the figure their baby bird needed. 

Techno chuffed as he stepped into the den, Tommy immediately chirped his wings flapping as a small amount of downy slipped from the base of his wings. A small glance at the black and red feathers was enough to tell the brute that Tommy was overdue for some preening. He sighed and stepped in, reaching towards his little brother, before pulling him into his lap. Tommy peeped in response, his wings flapping as the bird glanced back towards him. 

“Hold this.” He said simply as he moved Dream towards the little bird’s hands. Tommy didn’t hesitate to grab ahold of the man, the ram screeching in response as he yelled. 

“What the hell, Techno! Don’t hand me to some stupid bird who can’t even finish me off!” He barked out. Dream was pissed but Techno wasn’t bothered. He watched as Tommy glanced down at the man before a smile spread across his face. The bird nuzzled him, keeping the blonde near him as he chirped and happily seemed to cuddle him. A part of his brain twinged with jealousy, the protective part of his brain wanting to have his runt cuddling up to him instead but he pushed it away and carefully began to run his fingers through the feathers to start the preening process. 

He made his way from the base of his wings towards the tips of his primaries, laying them over the corresponding feathers. He often helped Phil with the base of his wings while occasionally helping with the rest. Their dad had explained that they tend to be more focused on caring for their young instead of having them take care of them. 

As he worked, Tommy just seemed to hold Dream on his lap. He seemed to be dozing off while being preened, coos and trills leaving the starling as he pushed his weight into him. By the time he’d finished, Tommy was half asleep, his tail flicking around as he melted into his touch. Techno didn’t hesitate to start placing some golden trinkets into Tommy’s hair, braiding the small amount he could, as he began to give into his own instincts. 

The avian had his ears pierced by him when they were younger, Techno’s instincts had gotten the better of him. Tommy had been three then but was an absolute champ over the situation. He took out one of his earrings, slipping the golden hoop into Tommy’s ear, happily chuffing as the bird began to doze off, his breathing evening out as sleep finally claimed the exhausted avian. He relaxed at the sight, taking note of how tightly Tommy held onto Dream. He wouldn’t be able to nap, just in case, but seeing his little brother so relaxed was worth it. 

They’d work through this. 

Even if the entire server paid for their choices.

[ttngummybear]

Obviously it's been hours now, but I feel compelled to post about this.

For the first time in years, I woke up today from a nightmare genuinely screaming in terror.

I'm gonna write it out under the cut, but it's like, genuinely really distressing and gross, so please only read it if you're in the right headspace for it.

*

I was at work. A man in a wheelchair came up to me and told me he was ready to check out, so I led him up to the register.

He decided to follow me behind the counter, and he kept inching closer behind me, and my dream self decided to climb up on the counter to get away from him. He reached up and started stroking my thigh, and I smacked his hand and told him, "Sir, don't touch me. You're actually not supposed to be behind this counter with me, especially not behind me."

He finally backed off and went back around the counter where he was supposed to be, and I kept on scanning his items. Someone else walked up and needed something urgently, so I went to help them and then came back to finish helping the guy in the wheelchair.

I completed his transaction and gave him his receipt, and started walking off to hide in the back until he was gone.

I heard him yell out from behind me, and I turned to see him walking at me (he had abandoned the wheelchair, I guess?), taking really long strides and moving faster than I could. He held out his hand and it was full of dollar coins, and he said, "Here, take this, as a thank you for being as weird as I am."

I started to say, "Sorry, we can't take tips-"

But the guy grabbed me by the wrist and slapped the coins into my hand, then dragged me closer to him and started trying to kiss me.

I immediately started screaming for help- And I normally can't scream in dreams, so the fact that I could made me think I was awake.

Some other customers turned around and stared, and the dude started kissing me and fucking LICKING THE SIDE OF MY FACE.

I screamed again, begging the other people there to help me and get him off me, and they started fucking LAUGHING about it.

I was basically dragging the guy across the store trying to find the manager, and as more customers saw me, they also started laughing at the sight of this dude literally just fucking licking up the side of my face like a dog. He licked up into my hair and then stuck his goddamn tongue in my ear.

And then I woke up in bed screaming, "NO, NO!"

I felt a sticky feeling up the side of my face from it for hours after. I had to touch my face with my hand to reassure myself that it wasn't wet.

[theonethatyaks93]

Animaniacs S3 Episodes 1 and 2 Opinions

Spoiler Warning: This review will go into spoilers for the first 2 episodes of season 3. Proceed at your own risk

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OMG!! It's finally here! Season 3 is finally here! After waiting one year, three months, and eleven days, we finally get to see the grand return of the Warners and Pinky and The Brain for all new adventures! I watched the first two episodes of this season, and boy, it was a doozy! Anyways, here are my opinions of these two episodes.

Episode 1: Honestly this was a mixed bag overall. The Warner segments were only okay while the Pinky and The Brain segment was great. Honestly, "Season 3 and WB" was kind of slowly paced and boring. The segment from the 2nd season that came before this was also pretty slow and boring. The Warners felt like background characters and the drama felt forced. I'll give them points for giving Nora Rita Norita a bigger personality and there were some clever movie parodies, but it felt slow. There were also some gross-out jokes that were super weird. There weren't many laughs to be found here, also. "How To: Friendship" was a nice follow-up to the previous segment. While I don't think it was as good as the first Pinky's How To, it still managed to be a funny and engaging watch. I feel like that this season is going to focus more on Pinky, since he basically had more screen time than Brain in these first two episodes. Pinky was very funny and I love how much he cares for Brain. His apology song to Brain was hilarious (and Pinky surprisingly has better editing skills than me!) Pinky playing around with Brain using the filters was cute and him moving his hand to pat Brain on the head when he was frustrated was just freaking adorable. I also liked the ending when Brain compliments Pinky for essentially saving him from an explosion. Also, this is the episode where Pinky makes a macaroni photo of him kissing Brain!!! And Brain keeps the picture even after tearing it away!! This was probably the cutest segment from the reboot and I was squealing like a little girl the entire time! There have already been more Brinky moments in these first two episodes than in the entire first season! I can't wait for more!

Episode 2: This was a slight improvement over the first episode but not by too much. "Soda-Pressed" was kind of interesting and Dot did have her shining moments. But all that character growth just goes down the drain at the end. The song in this episode was only okay, and I'm more excited for other songs to come later on. It was very slowly paced and only had a few decent laughs. This was an okay experience. "A Starbox is Born" is probably the best Starbox and Cindy segment but that's not saying much. There were some cute moments and the animation was beautiful but that's about it. I also got a laugh out of this segment so I consider that a win. It still had some slow pacing, but it thankfully didn't run on for too long. "Royal Flush" was a pretty good segment. There was some clever satire, good jokes, and a surprise song that I really enjoyed. I thought that this episode would be focused more on the poker game that Brain was in, but it was more focused on Pinky and his feelings. Pinky looked stunning in that dress and I liked the bond he formed with the Meagan Markle parody. The song they sang was a spoof of "A Whole New World" and it reminded me of the song from "Pinky's Dream House" (An episode of Pinky, Elmyra, and The Brain). This song was really good and I enjoyed it a lot. Also, Pinky is not straight! He literally envisions Brain in the stars during the parody of a romantic song when the Meagan Markle character was singing about her husband-to-be. Pinky is clearly enamored with his friend, and Brain hopefully will recuperate these feelings. I think the writers are hinting at a little something here! Anyways, I really enjoyed this segment, though it went in a different direction than I had thought. (Also, when the horse appears in the stable at the beginning, did anyone get nervous and think Phar Fignewton was back from the bin of dead Animaniacs characters? I sure did!)

Anyways, I think that the Pinky and The Brain segments are very strong, while the Warner segments were just okay. I still have eight episodes to watch, so maybe my opinions will change for the better or for the worse.

[kayla-crazy-stuffs]

I honestly would love to see more monster dream or Mer stuff! Dream team + punz would be cool for either and it doesn’t have to be noms! :D (sent this from your post asking for writting prompts so here ya go! ^w^ )

I finally finished writting it!! >:]

I've never write about spiders/driders so, heh..

Word Count: 1.4K Woooo! (finally!)

TW: Spiders, fear of dying, loss of half of one limb, slight fearplay (this kinda end with a bit of fluff)

Loud, they were very loud. There was a lot of noise in that house. Dream really didn't know why he had stayed there to live. Many hiding places? Food?... Surely. Two humans lived in the house, although there was usually another human who used to visit from time to time.

He moved around his spiderweb. Although he found it hard for him to admit it, he felt quite alone. He had no mates of the same species, friends or siblings... Just him.

He closed his eyes letting out a small sigh when he heard someone knock on the door of the house. He peeked out of his hole a bit, wanting to know who it was. The black-haired human ran to the door to open it, greeting the newcomer.

“Punz! You have finally arrived! You've taken long enough." Punz gave a small laugh as he got in. "Sorry Sapnap, I had things to do." "Well, that doesn't matter, now let's play something for a while!" Sapnap responded to the blonde's answer, as he quickly dragged him away.

It had been a few hours since Punz had been in the house, which meant that he would probably spend the night here. Dream didn't find it strange, since they did this normally. He stretched a bit, moving his legs very carefully, heading towards the cabinet.

He was a bit hungry and he was sure there would be something to eat other than insects. He had to treat himself from time to time, right?

He finally made it to the cabinet when he was suddenly unable to move his body. He tried to look up, finally realizing where he was stuck. He had the very bad luck of falling into the web of another species of spider, this web being stickier than others and his own.

Not even a few seconds passed until his eyes widened horrified. Not only had he fallen into the trap of another species but it was also female. Which would have no mercy in eating him.

He desperately tried to get out of there to no avail, the web was too sticky. The long legs came close to his body, bringing it closer toward his fangs.

The spider was twice or three times as big as he was, he would have no chance of escaping. Finally the spider bit into one of his front legs, causing Dream to cry out in pain, tears falling from his eyes. He didn't want to die like this...

Suddenly, the cabinet was filled with light, followed by some voices that could be heard in the background. “Yeah, yeah, whatever you say… Ahhh! Oh my God! SAPNAP!” The human yelled when he saw the spiders, rushing out of the kitchen as he called for his black-haired friend.

//

Since Punz had come to spend the night, they had decided to watch a movie while having something to eat. George got up from the couch, heading to the kitchen to get some snacks from the cabinet, when he ran back into the living room, screaming.

"Sapnap, please do something! There are two fucking spiders in the cabinet! One of them is even as big as my thumb! Kill them or whatever, but do something with them! So fucking gross!!" Sapnap just rolled his eyes as he got up, heading to the kitchen to see what was worrying the brunet so much.

His eyes widened in shock at the sight of the spider that was probably about two or three inches, until his eyes focused on the smaller spider.That wasn't a spider... Technically it was still a spider since it was a drider, a half spider half "human", so it was pretty much still a person.

He reached one of his fingers towards the big spider, turning it on fire as the arthropod went to bite him, causing it to back away from his finger and the drider.

Sapnap smiled as he watched the spider back away, his eyes focussing on the drider again, who had his full attention on him. He put out the fire on his finger as he reached out with his other hand and gently picked up the drider, taking it off The spiderweb.

He swore he could feel the drider shaking, but he was so small that it was hard to tell. He held the small one in a soft fist, clutching a few bags of chips with his other hand, finally closing the cabinet.

He walked slowly into the living room, throwing the bags of chips to the other two who were on the couch. "And good? Were they really that big or was George just exaggerating? asked Punz, making himself more comfortable on the couch.

"Hey!" The brunette complained. Sapnap chuckled slightly before sitting down with them. “What have you done with the spiders in the end? Have you killed them?" George continued, frowning when he saw his friend wince.

"I've let the big one go... There's no point in killing it..." he replied softly. George looked a bit annoyed because of that but seemed to brush it off when he asked again. "And the other? The one that was smaller?” Sapnap shifted a little uncomfortably in his spot, his eyes falling on his fist.

The brunet followed his gaze, his eyes widening. “Sapnap, what the heck?! Did you bring a fucking spider into the living room?!” The black-haired was going to answer him but Punz silenced them both.

"It doesn't matter what he did, since he surely has a reason for it, right Sap?" Sapnap nodded as George sat back down with a huff. "Okay... what's your excuse?" he asked, a bit annoyed by the fact that Sapnap was holding a spider in his fist.

The black-haired man sighed as he slightly opened his fist, making sure the drider was okay before opening it fully. “Apparently it's a drider, although technically it's still a spider, it's still partly human… Besides, I don't think he is a threat, it seems that he is more afraid of us than we are.”

Punz got up from the couch only so he could crouch down to the drider's height. "I've never seen a drider, much less one of this size... He's really scared- Wait... Is he missing a part of one of his legs?" Sapnap nodded slightly.

“Apparently the other spider reached him before I separated them.” The blonde hummed in response, getting up again and sitting back on the couch. Sapnap looked at the drider in his hands, speaking softly to him. “You can stay with us if you want… We won't hurt you, I promise.”

//

Dream was really scared, he was in front of two humans and in the hand of another. The dark-haired man seemed quite annoyed with his presence, probably because he was part spider... Then the one called Punz crouched down to be at his height, but the simple movement scared him, backing up a bit.

After a few seconds he sat back in his seat, making him sigh grateful that he had moved away. It wasn't long until the one who held him, Sapnap, talked to him, saying that they were not going to hurt him.

He didn't know whether to believe it, but he really had no choice as he was still trapped in the human's hand. Finally he decided to nod, responding to the black-haired man's words, although he didn't know if he would notice the gesture because of his size.

"Good. My name is Sapnap, the brunette one is George and the blond one is Punz. What's your name?" Did he really ask that? the human could simply call him whatever he wanted, but was he asking his name? “U-Uh… M-My name is D-Dream…”

The black-haired man, Sapnap, grinned at his response. “Great, now you are finally part of our group of friends.” "I guess you can make an exception for spiders for once right?" asked the brunette. Punz just laughed at his friend.

"I never thought I'd hear you say that George, but you're right." Huh? did they really want to be his friends? He was so immersed in his thoughts that he didn't realize it until he felt a black liquid drip down his cheeks. He quickly wiped it off, he hadn't cried for many years, not even mentioning when the spider incident happened.

He glanced slightly at the three humans in the room before smiling slightly. "Thanks…"