#and i also apologize for making you freak out. even if i didnt intend to its still not a great feeling to get from someone else

[vorecommunitywoes]

okay, i'm sorry that i drew it. i wasn't thinking that it would've been so personal because i thought it wouldn't have even been known about considering the fact that. normal people don't really look off-platform to find stuff about others to yell at them about? but even then i shouldn't have even talked about it because you're right, it was too personal. and also because generally i wasn't trying to intend anything gross, all i did was draw a furry objecthead version of your pfp and slap a pregnant belly on it for the hell of it, that was all i did when i drew it.

and yeah you're right i shouldn't use the excuse that i'm a minor, but i feel like it's important to consider that when you, an alleged adult, dug into my bluesky, an entirely different platform, to find dirt on me to call me out on by my new account's username as if you've been keeping tabs on me. like, that feels creepy as hell to me but idk i guess i shouldn't say that. yes i shouldn't have said that. it was like the middle of the night and i had seen your posts about me and it made me genuinely freak out, so i kinda said things that i shouldn't have.

i'm sorry i did that, i'm sorry i didn't think about how grossly it would be taken, i'm sorry.

-- dinner-faggot

i only knew of the blog bc its public and googleable, i wasnt scrolling thru it either and wasnt intending to. the pregnancy thing was just a post tht is there without HAVING to scroll. i was looking at the bio to confirm tht the blog was connected to ur new one, i wouldnt have said anything if i didnt notice something so offcolor. its important to know if a new blog is made by someone who has a history of making inflammatory statements and harmful/concerning behavior. i do the same for people like vampiribal visceribal (he changed his name again!) who have that pattern and continuously change blogs after unapolagetically harassing children and making bigoted statements, so he could escape the consequences and not feel bad for what hes done to others. or ppl like suzyandthefox who changed blog names after the initial pointing out of her strange behavior around minors. (not comparing you to them, just examples of why people do this at all.)

also... hey. that is sexual harassment. if you made something like vore/feet/inflation/etc art of a real life person who doesnt consent thts sexual harassment. regardless of the sexual intention! you need to think on why thats just inherently violating to somebody else, and why its generally frowned upon to put that sort of thing onto other people. itd be just as horrible if you found out somebody who doesnt like you made this type of art of you, you know? or a friend you have finds out that an internet stranger was doing this to them bc they didnt like them? what if you surround yourself w people who do this to others if they dont like them? would you find that ok?

you made the art to degrade my personhood, and no matter which way you cut it its still fetish art meant to violate and humiliate somebody else. that is an inherent fact when you decide to do something like this to another nonconsenting person. it wasnt funny when it was a trend on twitter for ppl to do this to others they didnt like and its not funny now. think ab why you wanted to do this specific thing, and why you were also likely sharing this with your friends.

you dont get to determine for the other person if what you did was violating to them. if there is somebody in your life who is normalizing this to you YOU NEED TO CUT THEM OUT. this is DANGEROUS rhetoric to internalize. if there is someone you know who youve done this to before or may to do in the future, and they speak up about it, your first reaction shouldnt be defensive blame-shifting. i understand why it happens, i sympathize with it, ive done it before in my own personal life (bc we know this behavior doesnt generally come up unless youve had a traumatizing upbringing), but its not healthy in the long run.

i at least appreciate the apology, though i am genuinely asking you to self reflect on all of this. i know this behavior does not come out of nowhere, and if theres somebody who is encouraging you to do any of this then reconsider your relationship with them, and if they truly have your best interests in mind. or if theres something else going on that made you feel inclined to do any of this in the first place, sometimes environmental stress can lead you into making decisions you otherwise wouldnt have taken.

i also implore you to take time off social media, or at the very least not have a vore blog until youre an adult.

either way, you can take action and care to break the cycle. i hope you are trying.

[divorceecheesecake]

AUGH I APOLOGIZE IF I SPOILED I DIDNT INTEND TO!!!

Ur so right tho honestly laios is a big worrywart and chil is going to KILL HIM if he doesn’t just get on with it. He knows he’s small just use him like a fleshlight like he wants goddamn it.

AND ITS TRUE LAIOS CANT KEEP ANYTHING OUT OF HIS MOUTH GOD HES LIKE AN ACTUAL DOG. Chilchuck makes fun of him for it all the time because he turns around for a second and laios is eating pennies. Ofc he can’t keep his hands off chil w/out marking him up

Kabru just doesn’t know chilchuck is the older one in the relationship so he pulls him aside like “are you okay… does he hurt you…” and he once again has to explain that he’s 29 and laios calls him sir and it’s not even a kink thing which makes it worse

Also I’m sorry if stuff doesn’t make sense I don’t proof read my asks so things regularly come out wrong bc of autocorrect or whatever

-ubg

OH NO DON'T WORRY ONE BIT, YOU DIDNT! It's kind of obvious that's the way the story will eventually end up going, i just have no idea how we get there. (i should add to my pin that im an anime only rn) also, this is the sludge slop blog. do not worry ever about making sense. we hold hands and walk together into hell.

chilchuck cannot go ANYWHERE without needing to cover up because laios needs to chew on him and ofc they can't ask any magic users to heal him because that's suspicious as fuck- ok no wait i can see laios innocently asking marcille to do it after chilchuck bitches about how it's too damn hot to wear a long sleeved shirt for the ???th time and she's like. oh my god. do not involve me with this. and then afterwards he still tries but he's like 'oh me and chilchuck got attacked by uh. dungeon leeches' and she says NO THE FUCK YOU DIDN'T!!!!!!!!!

kabru being concerned for chilchuck is a possibility that i didn't even THINK about and im here for it? like, kabru being pissed that laios goes off with his boytoy but being concerned for said boytoy because he knows just how much of a fucking freak laios is

[cxcewg]

This is the third time Lando has purposefully knocked Max’s trophy over. Obviously it is a running joke between them and Max clearly doesn’t care when Lando does this. It wasn’t accidental at all, he knew the trophy was going to fall but I think he didn’t take into account the fact that the trophy was fragile porcelain and not metal like the usual ones. He definitely didn’t intend to smash the trophy but he 1000% knew it would fall and it was just a slight level of ignorance from Lando as he didn’t consider the fact that it could easily break. People have had problems with this because he was so unapologetic on Sunday despite the fact that this trophy took 6 months of people hand painting every detail to make (also this was a trophy rich with Hungarian heritage and tradition). He has since recognised the effort that goes into this trophy and has apologised. So it’s not as unimportant as you make it out to be but he has apologised.

yes i would understand if people were just upset about the trophy (because it is a broken piece of art) and lando’s behavior in interviews where he was asked about (though i feel as if it was with humorous intent i can still understand that it could be taken differently)

though he may have known that it would fall he did not purposefully break it and i do agree that he had a dumb miscalculation and forgot that the trophy was porcelain (but who doesnt)

he apologized to the people who deserved an apology and thats that

(everything after this isnt directed at you dw)

regardless it does not excuse the vitriol that so called “fans of f1” have been spewing toward lando simply because he has been doing well recently and because he freaking jokes around

also adrenaline in a competition is a real thing and youd know it if you ever got off your ass

and as an athlete i can absolutely understand and empathize with saying things in the heat of the moment

do you want him to be a freaking monotone statue (id guarantee you that theyd find a way to hate on him for that)

people suggesting that lando PURPOSEFULLY broke maxs trophy (which he didnt it was an accident) as if he took his champagne bottle to take a whack at it

for example the messages about how hes had everything easy simply because he comes from money (i think this is incredibly unfair—coming from money doesnt make you a good driver, it makes it easier to reach that high level, but him winning right now has nothing to do with how much money his family has)

i for one think that you are not a fan if you hate on other drivers simply because they are not the one driver/team you like

im far from one to excuse the actions of someone even if i am their fan but i struggle to see what he did that deserves such disgusting behavior

[standingappablog]

My interpretation of Toni and Shelbys relationship.

I am re-watching the wilds and I wanna talk about a few things I missed in my first viewing. 

Toni

Starting off in episode one, which I think a lot of us picked up on the gay vibe from both of them, was Tonis front with shelby at the beginning of the show. All talk, and takes no shit. But you can spot her flustered moment easily when Shelby puts her hands on her shoulders and when she begins to sing (while she pees yes lol) But you can just SEE IT on her face. This quickly subsides though as not long after Toni lets a tree branch fly back in her face.

The writers also try confuse you and make you think the reason why Toni  dislikes Shelby so much (at least untill episode 6 before the homophobia) is becuase of her possibly stealing her best friend away. Which of course played a part in it too.

The scenes of her looking at Martha and shelby was a common 0occurrence. You notice though, in most scenes how Martha is sort of out focus and in the backround while shelby takes up most of the shot. Indicating that shelby is the person Tonis gaze is fixed on.

I think the reason why Toni so strongly disliked Shelby in the beginning  is becuase she found herself attracted to her, which she obviously didnt like. With shelby having this happy go lucky optimistic front, and all the jesus talk really clashed with her pretty pesimistic personality. Not to mention how Toni thinks Shelby is extreamly privileged,which in a lot of aspects of her life she is. Considerably more after you find out Tonis backstory. So with that knowledge of her backround you could see why she would assume her life is better than hers. I mean she is a rich white girl from texas, so her assumption wasnt unreasonable. To Toni the idea of liking someone like Shelby is unexpected for her, so she does as much as possible to push her away. Explaining why she was pretty rude to her for the first half of the series. 

Along with Shelbys little “westburo baptist” moment Toni got pretty angry (rightly so) and this probably solidified the irationality of thease feelings she had for Shelby. Giving her even more of a reason to dislike her.

 Despite this Toni finds it in herself to try cheer her up when the two run into each other in the woods after Shelbys biggest insecurity is revealed by leahs theories. Tonis feelings for Shelby are on view a little bit here. Beforehand she barely could interact with her without expressing her dislike for Shelby.

 Though the mood shifts again after Shelby brings up the subject of her views on being gay.

Right up until shelby kisses her, Toni outwardly berates Shelby on how medieval her veiws are, and what a priveleged life she leads. She tells her on this island they are free, and Shelby takes this opportunity to show who she really is.

The kiss the two share as we all saw was in no way one sided, Toni does kiss her back. Obvioiusly this shocks Toni, as well as shelby herself. WIth shelby running off as she tries to escape what she just did with a girl who she thought hated her.

You immideatly see Toni run after her. Her feelings for this girl who Toni thought hated who she was where reciprocated. In this moment her whole attitude towards Shelby changes as she begins to understand why she is the way she is.

Shelby

Shelbys sexuality was pretty obvious to many of the LGBT viewers, we have all been there, obviously not the religious cult part, but putting up a front, hiding who we are. So it was easy to tell that she was gay from the beggining. Its also pretty common in the media to portray a closeted LGBT person like this. The question was how the writers where going to go about revealing the fact that she is gay.

You notice Shelbys attempts to be friendly towards Toni pretty early on with inviting her out to the first exhibition. Of course we all know it ends with her getting a branch to the face. But when questioned about the cut on her temple, she doesnt reveal that Toni was the one who caused it. 

Though as we all know as Shelby begins to become friends with Martha, Toni becomes increasingly more hostile towards her. Probably shattering the hopes of being friends. So we see less of Shelbys perspective of the relestionship between the two from her, and more from Toni. The two become pretty bitter with each other after the shelter building contest, the tension rising pretty quickly, although it seems that Toni is always the one who initiates the fights they have. Even after Toni destroys the hut and storms off, Shelby goes to find her and still tries to have a friendly conversation, possibly she went to comfort her, but of course we know from watching Toni interact with those around her she only initates in deep conversation with those she trusts, and the weird feelings she has for Shelby probably didnt help. 

Fast forward to episode six and Shelby has her little moment when the others are joking around with the shellfish. Of course this one isnt as subtle as previous scenes but it shows Shelbys internalized homophobia.The gestures Toni demonstrated made her uncomfortable becuase she knew thats who she was, the idea of being gay freaked her out, so she did the only thing to stop it. To lash out and reveal how she truely felt about herself. She proably never intended on revealing this, becuase really she doesnt hate the fact that Toni is gay. She hated the fact that she is gay herself. This probably shattered any hope of frienship with Toni after this incedent. (She also mentioned to martha afterwards that she knew it would happen, this revealation pushed everyone away from her considerably for the rest of the season)

When everyone begins to get sick, we see Shelby desperatly trying to prove to everyone and Toni that, she doesnt hate her. Ofcourse we knew by now that the two felt something for each other. In a way this was Shelbys feelings acting out. Her romantic feelings yes, but mostly guilt.Ignoring the others offers to let them give her the pill, instead she desperatly overcomes Tonis pride. Making her take the pill  forcably, so that she would stay alive.

Just before the two share their first kiss, shelby finally opens up about how miserable she finds her life. Toni as we know with a troubled backround claims that she cant “out sad” her. The only thing that Toni has that Shelby doesnt is freedom. Toni seeing the solution around them points out she is more free than ever and that moment you see the contemplation in her face, you can almost see whats going on in her mind just before she leans in and impulsively kisses Toni.

She then runs, obviously horrified with herself. The immeanse internalised homohpbia making her feel ashamed for following her heart.

I honestly loved watching this couple come together, their chemistry and writing was great and super intriuging to watch. I am glad a rewatched it again, there was a few things I missed out on in the first veiwing becuase i was too busy chanting “kiss! kiss! kiss!” everytime they appeared on screen together. This is completley my interpretation of their releationship and how the scenes are done, I honestly could be completley wrong and they are as they are shown to be on the surface. I just really enjoy delving deep into the motives and feelings of characters I enjoy watching. :)

*Edit* My apologies if this is written bad! At the time when I wrote this I was extremely tired. I hadn't slept the night before and I was just back from a full day of school.

[theambitiouswoman]

If you’re okay with sharing, have you ever had toxic behaviors or tendencies and then healed from them through therapy/inner work/etc.? What is your perspective or approach on self-forgiveness?

Yes. Okay so i'm going to ramble a bit on this topic because i am going to give a genuine response and really word vomit my thoughts as i go.

Even as an adult, i know i'm not perfect. i try to be, but obviously everyone has different lifestyles and view points so your actions, no matter how genuine or well intended they may be, might be perceived differently by people. I am the type of person who always apologizes when i do something wrong, always have been. however, i don't always notice when i do something wrong because i can be absent minded at times with 80 things going on in my head, or they are things that wouldn't affect me, so unless you spell it out for me, i really wont pick up on it. im crazy big on communication now. and i provide a very delayed reaction to things that affect me emotionally. i stop for a second, take a step back and really process the situation. because things are more than just how they make us feel. we are entitled to our feelings, yes. feel your feelings. but how we react is a different story. because a lot of times you'll find that situation as a whole is shitty, or the other person has a different view point, or that you're on the losing end of it. once you understand a situation you can forgive yourself, react better, cry about it etc but it removes the factor of a toxic reaction on your part.

i think a lot of my toxic tendencies have always had alot to do with how naive i am- have always been. i remember growing up, since i wasn't exposed to much, there were a lot of situations i wasn't mentally or emotionally ready to put myself in. as a result i reacted or responded the wrong way. a lot of it comes from literally me not understanding and just reacting off my emotions really. none the less, when you're young you can get away with that but as an adult it gets trickier.

i think what got me to learn about my toxic behavior and deciding to make a change was really getting screwed over and hurt over and over again.

for most of my life, i was NOT a good communicator. i blame it on the aries in me. i would say like 3 words and to me inside i felt like i had confessed my soul but people would look at me as if i said nothing. and i dont think people ever got that from me. to be honest i always and still am misunderstood. largely in part because i let people argue with themselves, the truth always comes out.

i was also such a people pleaser and a doormat. people used to take so much advantage of me. and i wanted them to like me lol so i let it happen. and when they screwed me over, i didn't know how to communicate it so i would blow up or handle things in a matter that would automatically make me the bad guy. i would not know how to stand up for myself at all. i would freak out and get nervous. sometimes, i didnt even realise things till months later. i know that's hard to believe lol but its the truth.

i had friends do very grimy things to me, and when they came back around i would forgive them, but i didn't realize back then that i am not the type of person to forgive and forget. i wouldn't address the issue either. so my actions and behavior were totally fucked up.

at some point, after having the same experiences over and over, i held myself accountable. i forgave myself for not knowing what i didnt know. cause really thats all you can do. ive lived long enough where ive seen every single person whos been in my life, great and horrible come back. no matter the situation. life is funny that way. the universe will always continue to expose you to the same situations over and over until you learn your lesson.

a big healer for me, was doing regressive therapy and understanding my triggers and how i got myself to be the person who put myself in certain situations. that was life changing for me. and this is something that is very hard for people to understand and admit to themselves. bad things happen, people do bad things to us and they're the bad guys. yes. absolutely. but why did we put ourselves in that situation? our patterns of behavior stem from layers of experiences and reactions that are mostly learned from in our childhood. did i deserve to go through x things that made me become a certain way and respond to situations and people a certain way? absolutely not. but unless we go down to the root of our behavior, then we cant evolve from being the person who does those things.

ive been through hell and back. literal hell. and i haven't always been the best person to every one based on it. but it was always my responsibility to hold myself accountable, acknowledge my actions, and forgive myself. that's how you grow.

[blxetsi]

Hi! Can I please request modern au hcs for Armin?

tysm for requesting !!

modern armin arlert dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

college!armin arlert x gn!reader

- okay so

- i think in a college setting you and armin hit it off really well

- i think you guys wouldve just accidentally kept bumping into each other, whether it be around campus, at some coffee shop, in the library

- it gets so frequent you dont even know if its a coincidence at this point, yet you cant help but hope that you seem him whenever you go out

- after ALWAYS bumping into each other and apologizing before making small talk, armin makes the first move

- mf just says "are you following me ?" to which you reply "are YOU following me ?"

- that night ends in you two exchanging numbers 🤩

- you find out that hes a humanities major, and wants to be a psychologist some day

- you also find out he has a paid internship at a research facility near the university you attend

- hes super sweet but also super humble, so he tries not to keep the subject on himself for very long, just wanting to know more about you

- as you two get closer he gets more touchy (not in a weird way)

- he starts greeting you with hugs now, and likes to have a light grip on your wrist when hes leading you through crowded hallways of the school

- he introduced you to his bestfriends and roommates, mikasa and eren, and they were really accepting !! (they already could tell armin liked you even if he didnt know himself)

- you start developing feelings for him about two months after you exchanged numbers, and you honestly felt really weird

- because this beautiful boy whos so sweet and kind and intelligent is like,, wayyyy out of your league

- armin thinks the exact same thing

- he thinks youre so cool and fun to be around, you always have the best stories to tell and are so welcoming,, its HARD not to fall for someone like you !!

- finally he gets up the courage to ask if you can come to his apartment

- and there he confesses 😳💥‼️

- you sit there shocked for a couple seconds too long because now hes freaking out like "im so sorry i didnt wanna seem creepy i just wanted to tell you how i felt you can leave or i can walk you home- wait you probably wouldnt want that but-"

- you just kind of grab his shoulders and start shaking him. before you tell him you like him too.

- the apples of his cheeks turn pink before he smiles and gives you such a tight hug !!

- hes immediately planning a date with you for when youre both free

- takes you to the local aquarium 🤩 and kisses you in front of the moon jellies (u know those big tanks with the jellyfish that are like glow in the dark ?? and the whole hallway is pitch black except for the lights from the tank ?? yeah ❤️ he kissed you THERE and it was beautiful)

- has chapped lips 😐 sorry i dont make the rules

- has a habit of picking them when hes working or lost in thought

- doesnt mean you stop kissing him tho

- is the kind of guy that will genuinely get worried if you send an "sos" type message. gets out of his own class just to speedwalk (he isnt gonna break the rules and run in the halls 🙄) and come to your class just to see if youre okay

- looks at you like 😐 when you explain you just need him to get you an iced coffee from that shitty coffee place in the cafeteria

- does it anyway even though hes annoyed 😌✨

- will grumble about paying him back for the five dollars he just spent on you while you kiss him over and over again in thanks

- doesnt let you pay him back though smh 🙄

- loves to give back hugs

- will do it while youre working, or while youre doing the dishes

- if youre shorter than him he'll rest his head on your and just smell your hair

- if youre taller than him hes shoving his face inbetween your shoulder blades

- is such a lightweight drunk its not even funny

- none of his friends are tbh 🙄

- the first time you saw him drunk was when eren dragged you guys out to a party their friend was hosting (literally interrupted your cuddle time in armins bed to THROW OFF THE BLANKETS and say "you guys are coming with me 😁👍" and when you two said no he TURNED ON THE LIGHTS and ruined the vibe 😐 fucking asshole)

- anyways you two had to change back into your clothes at 9pm just to go to a shitty party that was gonna get busted by the cops anyways 😔💔

- you couldnt find him through the sea of people, and u got really worried until armin called you

- it was not armin on the other line 😁👍

- he said his name was reiner ?? and he said he was with armin bc he puked while playing beer pong

- the guy tells you where they are and you go to find them. theyre sitting on this couch in a backroom and theres only like,, five people in total there ??

- armin is SOBBING while reiner is trying to get him to drink water

- "reiner you dont get it,,, theyre so beautiful. i cant compete. i dont even think theyd wanna be with me. and you have to see them talk about their major. theyre so smart you dont understand." "okay buddy lets just finish this water okay ?"

- armin is leaning his shoulder on this GIANT of a man just going on about how much he loves you and how amazing he finds you. until you tap his shoulder. and then he realizes youve been listening this entire time. and then he starts crying because he doesnt want you to find him weird. and then you have to explain to him that you two are dating. where he doesnt believe you still.

- eren ends up giving you the keys to his car and saying "ill just call you when i need a ride back" and reiner CARRIES armin to the car 😭😭😭

- hes a real gentleman 😁👍

- that morning armin remembers EVERYTHING and is MORTIFIED

- calls reiner immediately like "did people see me puke ? oh god am i gonna be talked about ?"

- has very vivid dreams and remembers all of them ?? will literally tell you about a dream he had when he was five and WILL NOT forget a detail. its weird

- his family actually doesnt seem like they like you 😳 not because they dont theyre just very,, quiet people...... except for his grandfather

- doesnt even care who you are to armin, will pull you down on the couch with him to tell you about all his research and findings as an archeologist (before he retired)

- if youre ever feeling sad about anything, whether that be stress, family problems, or body image issues, armins taking you to his place 😁👍

- he'll cuddle you and whisper how much he loves you while you two are watching something on his laptop

- has acne scars on his shoulders. dont make fun of him for it pls

- loves getting back scratches though, the tingles make him feel really calm

- if you have like,, makeup brushes and stuff he likes it when you brush his face with them, no product or anything but the tingles he gets from it 🤤

- over time his parents warm up to you quiet a bit, and when his mom shows you baby photos and from him as a kid youre SHOCKED.

- he had this little bob cut from when he was ten to his teens 🥺🥺🥺🥺

- when you two are walking back home or wherever you cant help but go on about how cute he was and how healthy and pretty his hair looked (not that its not healthy or pretty now) and he just giggles before pulling you into his side and kissing your cheek while saying "okay baby, ill grow it out just for you then"

- also loves the petnames baby, angel, and love

- will gladly let you steal his sweaters. has a really nice knit one that his grandma made him before she died. that ones off limits.

- doesnt like to fight, but when he feels like hes in the right he wont hesitate to yell back when youre yelling at him

- just dont yell at him pls, it makes him sad

- it takes him a while (and by a while i mean like 30 minutes at most) before his texting you asking if you guys can talk about it

- its really easy for you two to make up, and immediately hes hugging you and just asking if you wanna do something with him

- also, cuts his own hair ?? and would cut yours if you asked. mikasa vouches for him "yeah he trims my hair all the time. why ?"

- every year on your anniversary hes taking you to the aquarium. and he always kisses you as softly as he did the very first time, in the dark hallway of the moon jellyfish tank ✨

a/n

THATS ITTT !!! thanks again for requesting !! i hope you all enjoyed. remember asks are open !! u dont have to request headcanons either !!! go crazy friends !!

[kitkatopinions]

I love how people will defend crwby when they give jackshit about rep and their fans. Like with clover (i know they didnt make it official but just look at eddies stupid tweet). They fucked up, it was queerbaiting, so the best course of action is to imply that harriet had feelings for clover and bad mouth the dead man. They could have just say "everyone of us was acting stupid and he died" nooo clover wouldnt leave qrow alone and robyn says later that clover is the lesser huntsmen. They could just say "hey clover was like a brother to harriet, she was his second in command, this hurts her very much" nooo clover was important for harriet, you know important. How does that even fit? They didnt have the balls to stand to their mistake and write about it, so they just twisted and turned so they could ignore what they wrote the last volume. Brilliant (and yes i will forever be bitter that qrow doesnt take responsibility for causing clovers death and just whines about his semblance)

Honestly, the way that Qrow/Clover was handled is a big blight on the company in my opinion. There's a great blog called @fairgame-was-queerbait where you can see lots of information about why Clover and Qrow was one hundred percent queerbaiting, and people are right to be mad about it.

The way that the writers really spent their time pointing fingers instead of actually admitting that they messed up... And the way that members of the fandom have been refusing to recognize it as queerbaiting, BYG, or problematic has also been staggering. This was something that deeply hurt LGBTQ+ RWBY fans, especially mlm that weren't otherwise represented. Eddy Rivas has apologized for the hurt fans went through, but not in a way that recognized that the hurt had been a direct result of their actions. And whether that action was directly intentionally contributing as a writer or just not checking the animation and marketing or letting the show go as is despite seeing it and knowing how it'd be taken, or never telling people not to get their hopes up and that the ship was not intended despite knowing that it was quickly becoming one of the more popular RWBY ships is besides the point.

Fans have been quick to say that obviously FG was unintentional and that Clover couldn't have been meant to be read as gay because "the writers would never do that," while ignoring Miles Luna's discussions regarding Pilot Boi. He had been told about how Bury Your Gays was a very harmful trope and therefore decided not to include Pilot Boi being gay, but then 'was kicking himself' over not doing it anyway because Pilot Boi was popular. The fact that these fans are so delusional to believe that the writers would never do something, when they literally expressed that they wished they'd done it. Why is it so hard to believe that the writers would cross that line with Clover when one of them openly regretted not crossing that line earlier?

(Although as a side note, I wouldn't necessarily go so far as to say that Qrow 'caused' the death of Clover. Everybody lost braincells there in that fight and he definitely wasn't without sin and I for sure think he ought to have been guilty and taken responsibility for having broken Clover's aura, plus letting the blame fall to the guy who was literally fecking murdered was terrible. But Qrow didn't cause Tyrian to kill Clover, and he didn't cause Robyn to start up the fight in the first place when he and Clover were both being fairly peaceable at first.)

But! The way that RWBY said 'let's drag Clover after his death, imply things about his character that we never showed to be true, and have Robyn of all people say Qrow's just better than him.' Also, if Qrow really freaking cared about Clover in the show enough to keep that pin (that by all rights should've gone to the Ace Ops,) maybe he could tell Robyn to keep Clover's name out of her thin mouth, and be actually angry that she started the whole damn fight in the fricking first place. Honestly, I didn't like Clover at first and I don't ship Fair Game, but God almighty, the frustration I've felt watching the fandom start harassing people who liked him or the people that are mad about queerbaiting... Now I do like the idea of Clover and enjoy writing for him, and it's actually because of all the haters. So congrats to the RWBY simps, they've turned me into a Clover fan.

And if Qrow ends up with Robyn, I will... Post angrily about it. Using caps lock. After I finish vomiting over having to see it.

Here's the link to fairgame-was-queerbait again, I'd recommend anyone who wants to see the tweets and the screenshots check it out, I was so glad to find their blog and be able to see all this stuff for myself. It's honestly staggering that people are denying that there was queerbaiting, and saying that fans just 'invented this ship in their heads' or have no right to be upset. BTW, nobody better try that invalidating stuff in my comments. I'll block on sight.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, episode 17-20 thoughts! finishing up season two! the finale is the THIRD 2-PARTER OF SEASON 2. that's so many! I wonder how many season 3 will have?

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-UERGH WHY DOES VLAD HAVE AN AI WITH MADDIE'S FACE ON IT. SOOO CREEPY. AND MORE 'CREATIONS' waiiiit. vlad is Dr. Frankenstein! (despite his ghost design obviously referencing vampires) HE HAS 'CREATIONS' HE MAKES THEN WONT TAKE REAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR!!! this bitch.

-danny was late and his friends immediately start going off about how hes inconsiderate, and has been treating them like sidekicks??? he just overslept, my god. chill. even if he has, be nicer about talking about it with him?? he really can't help that he sometimes has to chase the ghosts, or has a secret identity to protect...

-'what kind of ghost haunts a miniature golf course' umm. me as a ghost. next question

-imagine going home and theres a tiny child on your bed claiming to be your cousin. with as many cousins I have, I would probably believe her. but the 'ran away from home' BIT....SHES 12?? SHES SO TINY. I hate that they have her belly out in her ghost form, but I like how her colors are asymmetrical. something about her design...maybe the proportions?? are weird to me...anyway danny was good to feed her, but he shouldve taken her to his parents FIRST. or, tbh, probably jazz. (JAZZ DIDNT EVEN GET TO MEET HER!!! NOOO. I mean she said she'll be BACK BUT STILL)

-ANYWAY. shes voiced by AnnaSophia Robb, the girl who was in because of winn dixie, played as violet from charlie and the chocolate factory, and was the girl from bridge to terrabithia. (the movie that made me cry hysterically when I was 12 and I never watched it again because it Broke Me!) thats super cool.

-vlad sucks: the episode, basically. what's new!! I love how he's like, I'm Not A Villain. *immediately cuts to him torturing danny to make him transform, to get mid-transformation DNA, to perfect a Clone.* *immediately shows that he doesnt give a shit about his new daughter Dani and just wants a ''more perfect clone'' and will put her in danger to get that. will let her DIE to get that*

-Dani is danny's clone and is a girl? transgenderism....one of them has to be trans. or they both are.

-dani just. leaving at the end. WHAT? SHES 12. DONT JUST. NO!!! SHE WAS PROBABLY JUST BORN, A MONTH AGO AT MOST, RIGHT?? SHE NEEDS...SOMEWHERE TO LIVE. MONEY? FOOD?? A FAMILY?? AN EDUCATION???! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S LEAVING!!! OKAY BYE I GUESS!!! D: concern!!!

-the next ep opens with skulker chasing a ghost down. ...does skulker count as a ghost hunter in the way valerie and danny do? I mean, sure, he hunts the good guys too, but he. he hunts ghosts...also, we haven't seen his Real Form since his debut episode! tiny...

-the guys in white are back! ngl, I assumed they were a gag for that one episode. you're telling me they might actually be a threat? ok.

-valerie in her lil nasty burger uniform looks so cute!! glad shes not in that mascot uniform this time. I guess she stopped hiding that she's working there now?

-gregor having white hair, dressed in black and white...and green eyes...sam has a Type, I guess.

-danny being unnecessarily hostile about gregor. danny!!! hes been nice so far. he looks a little...tall to be 14, but. danny doesnt know anything about him! (he does Suspect, but...you cant just spy on people and be rude to them from a hunch.) also, gregor kissed her, and when she freaked out, he was like 'oh no!! sorry, we can take it slow! I understand!' which was NICE. I hate jealousy plots still tho.

-altho. umm. tucker, being concerned about danny spying on them??? SAM AND YOU WERE SPYING ON DANNY AND VALERIE A FEW EPISODES AGO!!!!! im not saying its RIGHT, but dont be a hypocrite!!! AND THEN SAM BEING MAD ABOUT IT, TOO.

-DANNY IS A 7 ON THE SCALE OF ECTOPLASMIC POWER!!! out of 10? so I want to know where the other ghosts rank...I mean it's a list from the guys in white, so, it may not even be accurate, like, they havent seen ALL of his powers, have they?

-Lancer being like 'im not cooperating with the FEDS' until they said they could access his tax records. they already did that joke with jack, but like, its still funny. kings of tax evasion.

-tucker's aggressive third-wheeling. but gregor being super into it. gregor/tucker is the real ship here. then gregor kissing danny on both cheeks after hugging him. bi poly king gregor. (he does turn out to be a liar with a phoney accent. unsurprising, BUT THE CONCEPT OF HIM BEING GENUINE AND THEM ALL DATING IS FUN)

-THE...GUYS IN WHITE THINKING GREGOR IS DANNY PHANTOM. LMAOOO. GET HIS ASS. or,, Elliot. lmfao

-sam saying tucker is part of the package because theyre friends was super sweet <3 but also 'part of the package'...polyships are obviously the solution to these dumb jealousy/love triangle plots.

-danny crashed a whole plane. the collateral damage...

-is he....

-you know....

.... (ITS NOT GAY IF YOU'RE DOING IT TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT, AND LIE TO A GIRL. RIGHT? he was getting a little too into pretending to enjoy tucker's company, and the above...c'mon, guy.)

-lmao, freakshow is in actual prison. I didn't expect a follow up, or for him to show back up! in the finale of this season, too!

-THE SICK TATTOO GHOST IS NAMED LYDIA!!! more Lore On her. freakshow seemed genuinely concerned about her. also, is she mute? I don't think she talked the first time we saw her, either. and we didn't know freakshow 'envied' ghosts, either, the first time, we just knew he was controlling them. interesting!

-...they literally stole the infinity gauntlet from marvel and called it the reality gauntlet. is that legal. what the fuck. even with the gems in the lil slots, having different powers...they had freakshow in jail, but didnt check his pockets??! hes just still in his lil outfit??? what kind of ...oh, its in amity park. yeah, all of the adults are idiots, okay, sure.

-'freakshow!' 'in the anemic flesh!' dude take some iron pills then. also, sure, the red eyes could be contacts for his aesthetic, but the whites of his eyes are yellow! does he have jaundice?! he severely needs more...like, every kind of vitamin. (this is what im worried about as freakshow attacks danny with giant robots)

-again, goth circus is a sick theme, and I love his goth train.

-oh FUCK every single person saw danny transform. on a stage. including his parents via TV. oh god. the guys in white and immediately like 'youre coming in for experiments!' SCARY. at least the crowd is willing to help him to escape...perks of now being a local celeb! even the kids at school are accepting :) this is what, the third time his family has found out? its always been an alt timeline tho. and danny fully intending to just rewrite things again instead of...I dunno, trying to roll with it this time? hes really worried his family won't accept him, huh...

-'maybe our son IS THE GHOST BOY, but its not as if our family's ghostly activities have EVER PUT YOUR FAMILIES IN DANGER' maddie. mmmmmmmmmmmm. okay.

-danny 100% prepared to run away from home because of this :( oh :( and saying his parents are 'looking for him, or a scalpel to dissect him with' ouch...

-THE GUYS IN WHITE TRYING TO ARREST A 14 YEAR OLD. fuck da feds.

-side note (another one about voice actors...) freakshow's voice actor, Jon Cryer, was lex luthor in pretty much every DC tv show, which is why I recognized his voice, because my dad loves those shows so I've seen a good bit of them without seeking them out...)

-the old man saying 'hey, i still had minutes left!' and danny saying 'you gotta watch those roaming charges!' about danny destroying the people in the diner's phones so no one could report seeing him...would kids today understand these things. can you even BUY minutes anymore...I remember my first phone being a flip phone, and the fact I always had minutes when my sister ran out super fast, because I didnt have friends calling or texting me like she did...:/

-the fentons being genuinely like 'why didnt danny trust us and tell us this, we love him :(' and JAZZ LAYING INTO THEM WITH THE 'DISSECTION/MOLECULE BY MOLECULE' LINES. LITERALLLLY. they need to apologize

-technically, lydias stronger than you! -jazz lesbianism moments! when did you even learn her name!!! but also get freakshows ass. lydia is also cooler looking. looove her design sm still.

-jazz psychoanalyzing freakshow... (also, her also having ghost envy? au where jazz is a ghost!! id like to see it)

-im glad the kids still got to go to their respective vacation things, even if they cant really stick around and enjoy them much...

-furry: confirmed. (also tucker calling her hot. tucker is a furry confirmed)

-danny being mad someone at the comic con is selling comics of him without permission, lmfao. give him his royalties!

-freakshow > thanos because hes a drama clown and does use his gauntlet to be FLASHY AND DRAMATIC.

-jazz's 'USE PYSCOLOGY' to danny about freakshow LMAOO. AND THEN IT WORKING. but, oh, freakshow's ghost form sucks. I like him as a clown better tbh. good thing danny took away his ghost powers!

-his parents hugging him and saying theyre proud :"( and saying 'of course you lied to us, we never gave you a reason not to!' and saying they were in the wrong basically for always talking about hurting ghosts aaaa :""(

-then he WIPED THEIR MEMORIES AGAIN!!! FUCK. I can understand him wiping the goverments/student bodies' memories, but why his parents?? they were being accepting!! ARGHHH. season 3 couldve been them all trying to adjust to them knowing!

-I know, on a meta level the showrunners probably wanted to just reset things to the status quo of him having a secret identity. But. We've been doing that for (2) seasons, I'd love if season 3 could be like, his parents adjusting to this and trying way harder to learn more and accept it (and the shenanigans that could come from that) and for fun, if he didn't wipe the students memories, it could be him being popular for a while, then everyone slowly realizing, oh, he's still Danny. Like. he might have ghost powers but hes Just The Same Guy instead of putting him on a pedestal (and seeing them all try and help him hide it from the giw/people who don't know!!)

-fuck they didn't even explain WHY he wiped everyone except sam, tucker and jazz's memories. he just Did It right when his parents were saying they loved/accepted him!! and sam and tucker didnt question it at all!!! HELLO??? very annoyed about this turn of events.

-anyway. onto season 3! I know its shorter than the first two seasons, and is the last season... I might just do it in 2 bursts if I can... :3c depends on the episodes' content and how much I want to say about each!

[worstloki]

Fic idea: Loki mermaid AU with literally any plot except merfolk are canonically genderfluid (inspired by this one post about genderfluid merfolk in trending tumblr wont let me link it)

I can’t find the post but I’m jumping on the gender-fluid merfolk bandwagon so thank you for that :D

- plot? what plot? 

- okay so instead of falling off the bifrost or whatever odin dumps both his male princes manly sons #patriarchy on earth to learn some lessons in humility/obedience but to avoid the two of them working together he’s left thor as a human on earth and dumped loki into the water as a half-fish (thanks, odin)

- thor bumps into jane and darcy and erik except when he can’t lift the hammer he’s decided to go reunite with loki (because loki always knows what to do - he’ll know what to do about the hammer and how to get father to accept them back!) and they help him set up an ID and stuff for himself after jane realizes the guy has very limited knowledge about the wormhole he fell through.

- thor struggles with getting a job and working hard to be able to work on-board a cruising agency. he learns to work hard for what he wants, he waits tables and makes beds and no one lets him near the cooking but he washes dishes and everything else on-board the R.D. Stark, while always keeping an eye on his map and which parts of the ocean they’ve gone over and not found loki on, because he totally believes loki would be trying to get to him and staying near the surface just like he is. 

- loki though? nope. not even trying to get back. he knows thor is out there and he believes odin will accept his heir back eventually, but himself? yeah he figured out what happened, its obvious he was either abandoned/stolen and actually a jotun, so as far as he’s concerned being stuck as a mermaid is an upgrade. not to mention mermaids don’t have gender roles so he can go around following his interests and doing whatever he wants (he’s considered a juvenile mermaid and gets adopted by the collective mermaid community) and he can switch genders freely and no one judges loki for it. he’s happy down here exploring and learning and the ocean is a huge place to explore and he’s got a knack for learning ocean magic (odin didnt remove his magic he removed his knowledge of magic so he cant use it without relearning everything) and he’s even got friends now (more on this later)

- The Avengers left as humans are Tony Thor and Clint, where Tony is still Tony, and Clint and him work for SHIELD and the real reason they hired Thor was because SHIELD has been keeping an eye on the guy claiming to be an alien deity since trying to lift the hammer... they get close to Thor and with the amount of tales this guy has to tell and the way his eyes water when he talks about his brother they’re starting to believe him... and now Stark is helping cover the areas on the maps they haven’t covered and he’s built sonars to pick up on ‘mermaid’ if they really are underwater somewhere...

- The Avengers left as mermaids are Steve (found frozen the mermaids found him and converted him with ocean magic), Natasha (Budapest mission with Clint gone wrong she drowned in the Denube...) and Bruce (a bullet didn’t work but surely the hulk couldn’t breathe underwater?... anyways now he’s a mermaid and into water calming meditation and stuff and the hulk is just him but green and doubled in size but he keeps the tail) and they’ve been a part of the mermaid community for a while but they’re barely passing as adults even steve at 100 because mermaids are long-lived oKay so they’re a group that goes exploring and fights capitalist sea monsters and stuff

- thor learns to show when he cares and to value lives of even lesser races like humans and fish creatures when his friends are in danger (tony and clint probably started drowning in the on-cruise pool or something smh) while loki learns self worth and that identity isnt based on material things like gender or what services you can offer another (probably after he profusely apologizes for not being perfect and preventing something in a fight?)

- the sound waves tony’s sonar has? yeah its messing with the beings that live deep underwater including the mermaids (ouchie ears hurtie) and some ancient sea monster they’ve waken up with tony’s powerful tech (cthulhu is that u??)

- anyways loki and co. turn up to fight the monster while its attacking thor and co. and then the day is saved through teamwork and mermaids singing (okay, steve and loki singing, because they’ve got good voices and nat can only sing in russian...) the monster to sleep by projecting their voices into tony’s sonar machine.

- then you’ve got the reunion and thor learns loki never intended to go back to asgard because he thinks he has nothing there... the mermaids are staying on the cruise pool because Clint and Nat need to have a talk too because Clint was blaming himself for her death and maybe there’s some emotions there (they’re friends but also clint doesnt have a family in this AU) ? nat has learnt to be more expressive and clint is so so happy for her... thor does NOT want to leave his brother he doesnt care if he’s jotun he just wants to be with his brother... tony meets steve and is like ‘woah ur the guy my dad had the hots for’ and they get along and tony’s kinda curious about underwater tech? tony mentions the winter soldier and suddenly steve loved living underwater but he doesnt care if the world has moved on he has to go see bucky--  but, oh? what’s this? Tony is offering to bring his parent’s killer to steve? he understands the brainwashing doesnt leave the man responsible? Tony has learnt to be down to earth? by spending time making genuine friends for the sake of making friends? he’s gotten emotionally attached? he’s learnt empathy through watching thor;s love for his brother and watching clint melt at seeing nat alive? 

- anyways thor and clint decide to stick with their respective merfolk (thor doesnt care if it means giving up asgard’s throne he just wants his brother to be happy and if that means changing genders and living underwater and being appreciated for magic thor would happily trade the throne for that) (all clint had was shield anyways and nat? she was a friend he’d trade the world for even years later) steve wants to turn human and go to bucky but tony brings bucky to him with a hit on the noggin and after some time in wakanada™. OH I didn’t mention that Tony absolutely freaks out when he finds out BRUCE BANNER the legend himself is underwater too... Tony totally gets VIP membership and can switch between human and merman now... because he helped ‘unite many broken souls’ or something... hmm... Stark Industries Underwater Division sounds nice....hmm........

- everyone lives happily ever after and odin chokes on his mead when he tries to check on thor’s progress and finds him and loki happily together adventuring actually getting along 

[p1nkwitch]

I have plenty of questions about your fanfics I don't even know when to start. Can I just name every one of them and send you star with it?

But please tell me something interesting funfact behind Heart Machinations? Also were you at some point considering bad/different ending?

i think i would never finish writing if you did send me all of them even with the star, i ramble a lot and go on tangents, but if you send them like 3 fics per day i can make it i promise.

Ok to start! Nope! This was the story where i literally envisioned the ending first and had to go backwards to write it. The ending was solid.

But for fun facts!! Oh boy.

This entire story begun with the idea of a one shot, with a slight different plot, it would have ended with Peter as an old man uploading his mind like he promised Elias in the fic and coming back as an Ai, to stay with Elias for as long as they could. I ended up switching things arounf in my head until i ended up with the image.

The thing that started this entire fic.

Peter floating in space with Elias declaring his love.

I was forced by the entire story to find ways to keep them from confessing earlier than intended. God did i regret having to put it so later, because the mental flips i needed to justify them not realizing, were driving me up to a wall.

Another thing that i was not aiming for, but ended up liking was the TimPeter, i didnt aim for it to be a plot point, i didnt even ship them, but i wrote them so well i actually hesitated. Not to the Elias romance with Peter that was a given, but i hesitated to actually make a policule out of everyone.

In the end i decided to go for my original plan, but it had been a posibility.

Most of the relationships surged as the soty progressed, because i realized if it was only them it would get boring so i started to shuffle characters and relationships and it worked far better than i intended.

Now the other interesting tidbit.

Was that originally i was intending for Elias to be the actual big bad, a la Glados in portal. Elias tricks Tim and Peter into thinking Jon went rouge and he got Leitner killed so Peter connects him, Elias pretends things are normal but sends him off to rrepair something outside, once Peter is safe he uses the gas to kill everyone who is not going to be sent to do experiments in the hidden labs.

Martin opens the door for Peter makes him help by trying Elias like the original one did to get himshut down. He realizes and hurt tries to attack him, Martin uses the portal door and Peter still tries to hold unto Elias, but they ended up slipping and going into space.

The Simon plot point was always going to be there, same as the oxygen and confession.They apologize and everything.

In fact Peter was never supposed to realize Elias was killing people until he takes over. I realized it would be impossible to keep him in the dark for so long along with the not confessing so i had to give one up for the story and i was set on my ways.

The more i developed them, the more i started to change the plot to fit better with the new narrative wanting it to be more satisfiying.

Something else that i changed in the story, was that after Leitner dies, Gertrude was supposed to come to check the station, Elias sees her and gets her killed. It did not pan out of course, because i considered it would be too out of nowhere.

When i realize the story was sort of getting shifted i went with the idea to switch the notSasha on its head. Which created lovely Pasha!! Whom i love a lot.

Another thing that i had to develop because i grew very fond of it were Missy and Titania. Particularly Missy, since Titania was a stand in for the vast in some ways. Missy was needed to provide Peter some form of love, since yes, i made the Lukas terrible people, but a child still needs some love to grow and i wanted someone to help with that since Simon couldnt. I love her a lot and honestly wish i could use her in more stories because she is a great character. I know people dont really are in it for the original characters but she is dear to me.

The honest to god most fun i had during the story was writting the chats between the characters and the moments where Elias and Peter where being horny for each other. Peter freaking out silently about the things Elias said, while Elias was being the most horny creature in the station was delightful.

My favourite parts were also writing Elias realizing that he ruined Peter, that he had caused his misery, i wish i could have gone harder on those. Because they are a great part of his motivations. He starst not caring but the more he falls in love, the more he realizes how much of a horrible person he is and how much he is hurting Peter. I love that, i put it before but i like making characters go though bad stuff to get them to the good, to get that catharsis after all the bad.

I wanted to do a bonus. Where Peter does go to Simon’s funeral and everyone has to sit there while Android Simon was just chilling giving his own eulogy.

One thing i sort of chikened out of, but left crumbs around was the plot point that ogElias and Micheal Shelley were dating. Thats why Elias had the picture and writings about him. They split due to Gertrude and Elias defending JON4H. Its why Elias could keep Helen so easily to raise her. She calls him uncle, because they had broken up and he felt he didnt deserve to take that from Micheal.

Currently they made up and since Elias was single they are patching things up, Helen was thrilled.

This is also the story where the cats appear. And im so glad for it.

Captain was an idea based on the au of another fic i love Timeline of Theseus, i just pictured Peter getting the cat and voila. (No, there is no cat in there, but it would had been so funny) They were foils, Elias has a lonely cat and Peter a beholding one. They fall in love. I like that.

Thats all i can remember now. Nikola was always also a plot point, i mean who else would make androids but the puppet herself! Since ideally i intended for Elias to get a body, it was supposed to happen.

I went off, but i really did have a lot of ideas and scrapped ones that i figured no one would see. Im happy i could just leave them out to the world!!

So yes ask away, but as you can see, i sort of go off. Thanks for asking!!!! I hope its what you wanted. Sorry if it goes all over the place.

[professor-hiddles]

One and Only pt.1

pairing: peter parker x reader

word count: 1.1k (next part is longer i promise)

warning: none, just cute lil concerned peter

a/n: this is my first fic please bare with me lol feedback is much appreciateddddd (also i didnt intend for it to follow the timeline of the movie exactly, so if thats something that bothers you im sorry)

Midtown Science was never short of interesting. Incredibly competitive, interesting people to associate with, and more often than not, a riveting fight between students.

Today, you were standing toward the middle of the crowd. You were never really that interested in fights, but today was different. Today, the underdog had taken the win. Flash laid on the ground, his groupies around him, trying to see if he was okay. He always swatted them away, in fear that showing weakness would make him lose the ‘street cred’ he had. As if.

Today’s victor was Peter Parker, or as Flash liked to call him, Penis Parker. You had never really found him to be that intriguing, but he was always cute, and nice. The two of you shared some classes together, but barely interacted outside of said classes, save for one time last summer.

That is, until today. Peter was being congratulated by the people of the crowd, off his guard. When Flash stood up and pushed him again, he was caught completely unexpectedly, and came crashing into you, full speed.

Both bodies hit the floor with an ‘oof’, your body being the cushion for his own. You fell directly on top of the books you were holding. You were almost sure you had cracked a rib. He rolled himself off of you, apologizing profusely.

“Don’t apologize, just help me up. And kick his ass, ‘cause I think he cracked my rib,” You said, and while Peter looked extremely concerned for you, he turned and punched Flash, yet again. This was the final punch. Flash was down for good, and you were silently cheering on the floor.

Peter returned to you, asking over and over if you were okay.

“I’m fine, Peter, it’s just a cracked rib. I’ve broken worse. Just help me to the nurses office, please?” He nodded, slipping an arm around your waist, helping you to stand as a pained groan escapes your throat. A bit dizzy, you grabbed onto his arm.

“Shoot, Y/N, you can barely stand! Don’t tell me you’re fine.” He then scoops you up, careful not to touch where you’re injured. He really was concerned, and it was kinda cute.

“I know I’m not the smallest of girls, but are you sure I’m not too heavy? I can walk if I am,” You said, and he chuckled. He carried you as if you were light as a feather, which surprised you. The boy had a rather small physique, you weren’t expecting him to be this strong.

“You’re fine, Y/N. You barely weigh a thing,” He said, pushing all worries in your mind away. You had always struggled with your body. It wasn’t like you were overweight, but you definitely weren’t as skinny as some of the girls you attended school with. If we’re honest, it made you a tad bit insecure.

You hummed in response, closing your eyes and leaning your head against his chest. His subtle cologne smelled vaguely of vanilla, but with woodsy notes, to make it a bit more masculine.

“Peter, you smell good. Like really good.” You said quietly, unable to stop the words from tumbling out of your mouth. You buried your head in his shoulder as you realized that you had actually said that out loud, and he chuckled.

You stayed like this until you reached the nurses office, where she gave you a bag of ice, two Tylenol pills, and called your father to take you to a hospital. Peter sat down next to the examination table, twiddling his thumbs.

“You don’t have to stay, you know. I’m sure I’ll be fine,” You said, looking down at the boy.

“I know I don’t have to, but I cant leave before knowing if my favorite lab partner is okay. After all, I am the one that did this to you,” He said, looking a bit guilty.

Your face flushed, you were his favorite lab partner. You reached down and grabbed his hand, looking him dead in the eyes.

“You didn’t do this. That dickhead Flash did. And take a look around, no one is saying that this is your fault. Everyone knows it was Flash. Don’t beat yourself up too hard, Peter,” You said softly, trying to give him just a little reassurance. He nodded his head, but still looked like he felt guilty.

“Can I see it? The bruise, I mean.” You nodded, lifting up your shirt a bit to show a large, purple bruise. His eyes went wide, and he continued to apologize, even though you had told him countless times to stop.  

You hit him on the shoulder, finally making him shut up. “Peter. How many times do I have to say that this is not your fault?”

He nodded his head, an idea popping into his mind, a smile crossing his features. “Alright, I’ll stop apologizing if you agree to go on a date with me. Just a dinner, or a walk in the park, or something. Nothing fancy, or super intimate. What do you say?”

You smiled, unable to believe that this was happening. You nodded your head, but before you could say anything, your father entered the room. You let out a small groan, but he didn’t notice.

“Hey, sweetpea. How do you feel? Are you ready to go?” He asked, holding a hand out to you.

“As I’ll ever be. Wait for me outside a second, I just have to do something first.” Your father nodded, leaving the room for a moment, nodding toward Peter.

You ripped a piece of paper out of your notebook, jotted down your phone number quickly, and folded it up. Making your way over to Peter, you hugged the boy, your arms around his neck. His hands wrapped around your waist, returning the hug. You pulled back, smiling, before slipping the paper into his shirt pocket.

“Text me, we’ll set something up. But I gotta go right now. See you tomorrow, Pete,” You began to turn away, but then ran back over to him and placed a kiss on his cheek.

“Thanks, by the way,” you said, flashing him a smile before exiting the room. Peter’s hand reached up to his face, touching the spot that you kissed. A smile formed, but the realization of what he had done set in a moment after.

He pulled out his phone, calling his best friend, Ned. “Dude, you wont believe what just happened. I asked Y/N out! Ned I’m freaking out right now, she said yes!” He said as soon as the boy picked up the phone.

“Its about time, man, you’ve only been crushing on her for like two years. What are you guys gonna do? Also, what are you gonna tell your Aunt May? She’s been rooting for you two for the longest!” Ned was equally as excited as his friend, he knew how much Peter liked you, and would be lying if he said he wasn’t rooting for you. 

[hyliancutiepie]

when you drunk kiss your best friend and he doesn’t remember

it’s been a loooong time since i posted any fic... i’ve been feeling all kinds of useless recently and writing anything... just didnt work out. it was a real pain ;;; especially as i have a plan for a big fic that at this stage may not come true but i want it to so... i’m trying to write shorter fics to try n oil the engine, so to speak. so here, take a promptis fic i wrote :3

It was the worst morning of his life probably. Not only did he get very little sleep the night before, but his head was pounding like an absolute bitch. He shouldn’t even be awake in any morning hours after the night he’d just had. And yet here he was, holding a fist full of Prompto’s hair out of his face, rubbing his back, as the blond threw up into the toilet. It was lucky they were in Noct’s apartment because Prompto’s toilet was all squished into a tight space and fitting the both of them into the position they were in would have been hell. Noct yawned in a way that would have made Ignis glare and licked his lips, smacking his lips and tongue, thirsty and aching, eyes squinting in the dull sunlight streaming in the fogged window of the bathroom.

“I’m sorry, Noct…” Prompto whimpered, promptly shutting his lips again, gulping and then gagging before he hung his head into the bowl again to let it all out.

 Noct tried to feel cranky at Prompto, really he did. But it was near impossible to hate anything about Prompto and it was this apologetic nature – especially when apologies weren’t at all needed – that made Noct love him more.

Love. That’s exactly what it was, and it was everything that had transpired the night before that had brought it all to light for Noct, even if Prompto had been less than coherent when their mouths had met for the first time.

 It had been Prompto’s birthday and now that he was of age, he wanted to go club hopping, chat up girls, get drunk and party the night away. All of it he had done, except chatting up girls. From the moment he’d sculled down the drink Gladio mixed, Prompto had been hanging off Noct’s arm, clinging to his hand, pulling him around each club, keeping him close when they’d danced. Had initiated the kiss that had transpired after they’d been knocked against a wall, face to face. It had been like actual fireworks and Noctis had clung on, turned them around and pressed Prompto there, making out in the most public of places.

 It was dark anyway, no one was going to notice it was him.

 Noctis hadn’t been sober by any means either but he’d kept himself sober enough to know that when Prompto could no longer stand up straight, it was time to go. They’d stumbled into the taxi and although Noct had tried to keep it clean, Prompto felt the need to slide his mouth down the side of his neck, clinging desperately to the fabric of his shirt.

 How Noct had managed to get Prompto back into his apartment was a miracle, the blond flopping onto the bed and falling asleep instantly.

 Once all the contents of Prompto’s stomach was emptied, Noct moved Prompto into the bathtub and began to undress him. They were both still wearing their clubbing clothes which reeked of sweat, smoke and alcohol.  Once Prompto was undressed, Noct began running the bath and sat there by Prompto’s side, ready to turn off the water when the bath was full enough.

 “Thanks Noct.” Prompto mumbled, leaning on the edge of the bath. “You’re the best.”

 “Hey, it’s nothing.” Noct assured him. “Did you have fun last night?”

 Prompto went silent and he seemed thoughtful for a long moment before he replied, eyes focused on a random tile on the floor. “Honestly? I don’t remember much at all? We got to… The Behemoth bar? That was the third one right? And then I just don’t remember a thing.”

 For some reason, Noct felt his heart sink. “Not a thing?”

 A shake of Prompto’s head later and Noct turned his face away, not wanting to give away the… disappointment? Yeah, he felt damn disappointed. Sure, their first kiss being brought on by alcohol wasn’t favourable, but it would be a great way to ease into the whole ‘hey so I actually really like you’ conversation Noct’s been trying to bring about for several weeks. “W-why? Did something happen?”

 Noctis laughed to try and cover everything up. “N-nah, not really! You kinda drank a bunch of different things, dude, no wonder you don’t remember.” He carefully stood to his feet and ruffled Prompto’s hair. “Get cleaned up. I’ll call Iggy about some breakfast.”

 “Can you bring my phone?” Prompto asked in a particularly cute voice. “I wanna check my facebook and stuff.”

 He tried not to roll his eyes but retrieved Prompto’s phone anyway, told him to wash up before he spent an hour scrolling the net and then returned to his room to grab his own phone from the side table.

 What he found was a whole bunch of notifications. Phone calls, messages, mostly from Ignis and some from Gladio. He frowned and instead of looking at the messages, he just called Ignis instead. He was probably freaking out because he hadn’t messaged when they got home.

 “Noctis. Have you entirely lost your mind?”

 “Hi to you too, Specs.” Noct said flatly. “Look, I know I forgot to message you last night but we both fell asleep before we could even get changed, so can you just cut me som – ”

 “Oh Noct, that is not what this is about. I have been doing damage control since the early hours of the morning.” Ignis stated firmly.

 Noctis frowned, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Why? What did I do? I don’t remember doing anything image-damaging last night.”

 “Look, just stay off your social media for a while. And keep Prompto off his as well. There’re photos all over the place.” Ignis explained. “I’m on my way over now with breakfast.”

 “Thanks, Specs. Can you bring something for hangovers?” Noct asked, glancing to the bathroom door. “Prompto’s been throwing up since he got up.”

 Ignis sighed on the other end and even though he was clearly judging them, he didn’t make any comments on it before he hung up.

 With curiosity getting the better of him, Noctis went through the notifications on his phone, mostly to get rid of the annoying red dot, ignored Gladio’s odd taunting, and then opened a webpage in search of news.

 Images everywhere, over every article, plastered at the title of that morning’s breaking news. His eyes widened, dropping his phone as he heard Prompto gasp from the bathroom.

 “Oh fuck…” Noctis mumbled and rushed to the bathroom door, realising it was all too late anyway. Prompto was clasping a hand over his mouth, his eyes brimming with tears as is gaze slowly turned to Noct. “Prom…”

 “We… we kissed?” Prompto whispered. His voice was barely loud enough to hear and Noct felt his heart ache. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

 Noct walked over to the tub and crouched beside it, taking the phone from Prompto’s hand and putting it aside. “I was gonna wait until you felt a bit better, Prom.” He confessed. It was kind of a lie, but in his mind he had intended to tell Prompto eventually. “I didn’t plan on you forgetting all about it.” He added, feeling even more sheepish.

 Soaking wet, Prompto launched his arms around Noct’s neck, sobbing into his shoulder. “N-noct I’m such an idiot!” He hiccupped. “I can’t even remember our first kiss!”

 “Oh Prom.” Noct muttered. “Don’t worry about it, man. There’ll be more.”

 Like a flash of lightning, Prompto had Noctis at arms-length and was fixing him with a wide-eyed stare. “Do you mean that?”

 Noctis felt a little bit proud of himself. And also like an idiot. “Yeah, once you’ve brushed your teeth, man, your breath reeks.” He said, saving face by pushing Prompto back into the water.

 Laughing, the same bright, eyes scrunched shut, laugh that Prompto always used, the blond splashed Noct with a wave of his hand.

[cafffeinations]

It’s amelietweek! \o/ Here’s something for the day 4 prompt College/University AU. It also features Estonia as Lithuania’s room mate, and has mentions of Canada (I think Himaruya put Estonia’s ‘human age’ as younger than America, but here he’s older, like Lithuania). Its ~2,400 words and can be read on AO3 here

Somehow Alfred not being there is just as distracting as when he is, but Eduard is oh so fortunately around to inform him why.

---

Seeing as Alfred isn't around, there's really no excuse why Toris isn't getting on with any work. Without the stories about his day or the new people he always seems to be meeting, explanations about whatever new thing he's into that week and just his exuberant presence in general, it's a much quieter and study-friendly Tuesday evening than Toris usually has.

 Yet whenever he tries to focus on the paragraphs before him, the blinking cursor reminding him how unfinished they are, his eyes manage to glance of their own accord back to the clock at the bottom of the screen. He's usually here by now, the thought cycle begins, I wonder what he's up to?

But as the more rational part of his mind points out, there's no real reason for him to be here; just because he usually comes by doesn't mean he has to.

That should be the end of it, but he just cant help but imagine where he is, be it eating with friends or out running or maybe even studying - unlikely, he smiles wryly to himself, remembering how Alfred had proclaimed that he's 'better off' cramming before finals or he'll just forget everything. Toris had questioned if that really was so wise, to which Alfred had stuck out his tongue, making such a silly face that he'd laughed and -

His word count still has not gone up.

With a sigh he leans back and stretches his arms and shoulders, mentally berating himself, just as Eduard comes through the door.

"Hey," he greets, sliding his backpack onto the bed on his side of the room, "that doesn't look so promising." 

"Yeah, I'm not having the most productive time," Toris replies ruefully, trying not to calculate the days and hours until the one of his many deadlines.

"Well don't worry, you'll manage. You always get it done," Eduard reassures him, and he smiles gratefully, at least until he continues, "especially as it seems our resident freshman isn't around for once to distract you."

"Oh, don't be mean," Toris resists the urge to roll his eyes, a vague idea of where Eduard is headed, "he doesn't come here that much."

"If you say so," Eduard says in a tone that clearly doesn't believe him.

"Its only on Tuesdays when he has a late class over here," Toris bites against his better judgement, referring to the computer suite they live near, "and some Wednesdays if he has time to kill before baseball practice...and maybe on Fridays because of that burger stand he likes." (It was, according to Alfred himself, the best he'd had since moving from home).

"Hmm. How convenient."

"Plus he thinks that he can get your help with his coding or whatever it is you computer guys do!"

"He wishes! That was a one time deal and he knows it." Tutting, he boots his computer up (but Toris knows that as much as Eduard grumbles about Alfred, he finds him nice enough or he wouldn't put up with him coming over at all). "No, it's not me he treks over here for."

There's an emphasis there that he can't help himself but address. "I know what you're saying, and stop it. We just get along well, that's all."

"I'm not saying anything."

"You are," he grumbles.

"Well it's not my fault he's got a major crush on you, is it? I'm just pointing out the obvious. Yes, it's obvious," he interrupts before Toris can say otherwise, "and you like him back, or you'd be busy working instead of sat there looking at the time." 

"I wasn't- I was just- reading and planning what to write!" he protests, lying, and wondering not for the first time how Eduard manages to pick up on things he'd really rather he didn't.

"Very convincing," he says dryly.

As if to make a point Toris turns back to his screen, but he's not reading anything at all.

It's not exactly something he's never thought about, but he hadn't realised that it was so obvious. Or maybe Eduard was just too perceptive for his own good - he hoped that was the case.

"I don't think Alfred swings that way anyway," he says after a while, not quite as casually as he intended, but luckily Eduard is rifling through a pile of notes, not seeing his faint blush.

"You'll never know if you don't try," he shrugs, "You should just ask him. If you can get a word in against all the nonsense he chats, anyway."

Alfred did talk a lot, yes, but Toris enjoys it so long as he can keep up with the tangents that he sometimes flies into. And it wasn't all nonsense - if you really listened, there was more to him than just loudness and energy.

This was particularly apparent when they were alone. Then, it wasn't unusual for him to talk in, well how could he put it...just a different kind of way, one that led Toris to discover this more rounded side of him. Not that he meant Alfred was a superficial person or anything - really he was pretty damn genuine to all - but just that being on the go as much as he was, and as breezily as he interacted with so many people, he didn't think many (if any) got to see the depths that he did.

And maybe this wasn't all that unique, because wasn't everyone the same? Not many share their deeper thoughts with everyone in everyday conversation now, do they?

But the fact that Alfred could sit on his bed and come out with all sorts of things to him, made him feel kind of special. He'd learnt for example that Alfred jokes to people about math being the end of him, but he doesn't like admitting he'd been close to not making it to college at all until he'd taken extra tutoring; he knows that Alfred has a twin brother who he has little in common with but still 'actually kind of misses', and wishes they were closer; he knows as well that he's got some sort of hang-up about missing out on things and that's why he likes to get involved in so much. 

If Toris is a bit like his confidant then he's fine with being there for him, and it doesn't mean Alfred likes him, just that they feel comfortable around each other. That's what he gets most from Alfred, he suspects; a lingering feeling of lightness, his fun and carefree manner a refreshing break from himself and the stresses he gets himself tangled up in.

Does that mean he wants more than just, hanging out though? The idea of going there, closing that distance between them when they're sat together, is far (far) from unappealing, but feelings get so messy, and...well, he should be focusing on the reason why he's here in the first place. To study, and the grades sure aren't going to achieve themselves.

 ---

 Its just as he's about to pull on his pyjamas, having managed a to-do list for tomorrow's study if not ticked any more off that night, that his phone buzzes, twice in quick succession.

There aren't that many people who message him, and sure enough its the culprit of his earlier distraction.

Hey im so sorry i didnt come over today!! blame my mom, she said she had important news and to skype her ASAP so i ran back and all it was is that shes selling the house!!

-

which is still important lol but i was freaking out so much thinking it was something bad! sorry

He can feel a smile creeping onto his face before he's even halfway through reading, so very much like Alfred it is to sound lively even in text. The fact that he's being thought about too may have contributed to that smile, but he means it when he replies,

You dont have to apologize! You can't ignore moms when they say its important haha. That sounds exciting!

He's barely set the phone down when it buzzes again, but this time its a call - for some reason, this makes him nervous, but before he can over-think he hits answer, grabs his key and slips out of the room so Eduard can't eavesdrop when he comes out the shower.

"Hello?"

"Hey, its me, can you talk?"

"Yeah," he says and pads past other rooms along the hall to sit out on the top step of the flight of stairs. "How are you?"

"I'm good, now!" America chirps down the phone, "Can you believe it though? She could've phrased it in a much better way, she had me so worried!"

"That's true!" Though he could also imagine Alfred doing the same, impulsively sending a message before thinking it through, "Its really fine though!"

"Yeah? You didn't miss me too much?"  

Obviously Toris can't see his face, but he can picture the cheesy and slightly cocky grin all the same.

"Not much," he teases, "I have Ed for company, after all."

"Pssh, I'm much better company than he is! That guy still won't help me with my paper," he grumbles, to which Toris chuckles.

"So you're moving home then?"

"Oh yeah - well to be honest its not even a shock, before we even went to college Mom was making plans to downsize. Just means there wont be as much space to move back so no pressure for finding a job at the end, right!" He laughs loud, in somewhat contradiction to what he's just said, and Toris hopes Alfred's room mate is out or at least not trying to sleep.

"You've got a couple of years to think about that yet," he says, "there'll be room for you to stay for vacations still, right?"

"Yeah, better be. Me and Matt have already said there has to be unless she wants us fighting over who's gonna sleep on the floor!"

"You spoke to him too?"

"Mm!" he imagines Alfred is nodding, "Actually I've been on skype to him most of the night. Its been a while since we talked, you know?"

"Yeah. How is he?"

"Really good! Buried in books he says, but doing okay. He's found a group of hockey nerds so he's been getting crazy with them 'til now I'm sure."

Toris thinks he means this in an affectionate way, considering how he says that he misses the guy, but his flip-flopping in how kindly he describes his brother isn't all that new a phenomenon.

"I think college is suiting him good. I tried to ask about all the girls in those pictures with him on Facebook and he went all red and told me to mind my own business! So he must be doing well, right!" he laughs again and Toris can’t help but smile too.

"You'll have to get some of his secrets," he teases, expecting Alfred to take it in his stride. 

"Yeah, maybe," he sighs, and there's a pause; not sad, just there, and for a second Toris remembers his earlier conversation with Eduard, and whether Alfred likes...

He decides against going there now.

"It's nice you're catching up."

"Yeah. I told him he should visit sometime soon. Hopefully he won't be too mad that not many people know I have a twin, ha ha...but you two would get along well I think."

"Oh yeah?"

"Uh-huh, you're both kinda quiet. And you put up with me! Actually, Matt said that-" 

He waits for the rest, but instead he gets, "actually, nevermind. How was your day?" 

"Um, it was fine but hey I'm curious now!" Toris answered, unsure as to what it could be. 

"Nah, it's nothing. I'll tell you next time I see you. I have to go to a group project before practice tomorrow but hopefully soon?"

"Yeah, sure," Toris replies, "I don't go far!" (which except from the library, was sadly true).

"Cool. Ok, well, goodnight!"

"Night Alfred," he says, and waits for him to hang up. After a few seconds he does, but something about the abrupt end and change of track is nagging at him. It's uncharacteristic of Alfred to be hesitant, but of course he's fully entitled to his privacy. He'll just have to wait and see if he does elaborate later.

He's about to get up when his phone vibrates again, making him jump.

"Hello?"

"Ok so I'm sorry if this weird but basically he said I talked about you so much he couldn't wait to meet you and he was glad that I'd found someone, and I was like what are you talking about and he was like - okay you don't need all of that, and um, do you know what I'm getting at here?"

He talks so fast it takes Toris' mind takes a while to catch up with his ears, and a few moments on top of that to fully process just what he's said.

"I, think I might," he says slowly, butterflies in his stomach.

"Do I? Come across like, I you know... like you."

He wonders what the best answer would be, and truth be told doesn't really know.

"I think only you can answer that," he says softly, and wishes he was there with Alfred now, to reassure the likely puzzled frown furrowed on his face. "For the record though, its not weird."

"It's not?"

"No, it's - it's fine. It's more than fine, actually," and he waits with bated breath for a response.

"Cool," Alfred says, which may not sound like much but he knows, he can just tell, that means he’s happy.

"Listen-," he starts at the same time as Alfred says "So-"; they laugh, nervously but happily, and he lets Alfred continue.

"I've got some stuff to figure out, about this," he says, "but I think you can help. Are you free on Friday?"

"Yes."

"Do you wanna go for a drink? Like, a proper drink. A date drink."

"That would be great," he says, beaming, and he really means it.

 ---

The next morning as he's about to head to the library, Eduard says, "I  don't want to say I told you so, but, I told you so."

"What do you mean?" Toris says as innocently as possible, feigning ignorance.

"Funnily enough, given your denial, something's happened between you and him."

Toris exhales into an exasperated laugh. "I haven't even said anything! How can you possibly know?!"

"You've practically been smiling ever since you woke up."

And throughout the day, whenever he thinks about Friday, it's hard to stop.

[napuleh]

I have honestly been having some trouble writing this out

because I’ve never done this... like, ever, probably, in the history of my tumblr blog... “career”

What follows is, essentially, a post calling for my own accountability, because there is a point at which one has to look at what they have done and say, “holy shit, I fucked up,” and do something about it besides feel bad and move on?

This post in particular will zero in on something very recent (3/14/2017), but when I think about it more, it applies to... so much other stuff I’ve said, done, implied, or let slide.

I was originally going to refine this down but I’m going to leave it here, raw, because ... there’s no way I feel like I can put this out there without having it feel fake or devoid of meaning (sort of like how I feel while writing this?!)

I’ve omitted a specific incident, that while also recent, is very...personal, which is explained below, but without further ado,

hardnutslover69- I copied this from discord so bear with me and my bad name choice, other names omitted for privacy reasons

i have to make a callout post for myself because im?¿ a fucking idiot slash person who says bad things that hurt people

i make really bad posts when I'm "thinking" and "joking around" and it's always REALLY bad when I realize what I've actually said

and I don't have actual receipts on myself I'm just going to acknowledge what I've said I'm going to practice in here though (referring to the chat i typed this in)

I honestly don't know what to say or how to address the public w this shit though I just feel like it's necessary

so background

Friend 1-Today at 9:15 PM

Ok

hardnutslover69-Today at 9:15 PM

to like, two weeks ago (a bunch of stuff referring to the private incident)

Friend 1-Today at 9:17 PM

Rooting for u

hardnutslover69-Today at 9:17 PM

(specifics that would identify the person/incident which i don’t want to publish right now) my immediate thought is Wouldn't it be hilarious to reblog this and say, (something that makes light of racism) and I like looked at the post and was like"ok, it isn't the most wholesome post, but it's a joke and we're friends, it's fine probably" and post it

I have a friend who like .... checks me basically, because when I check myself, i never ever find fault in me, so my friend checks me and it's then that I step back and go, hold up, that's not okay

the timing is horrible, the tone is horrible, and it's just not a good thing to be joking about (omission - specifics again) and it was just Bad it

that's not right and I recognize that but i still haven't talked to (person) about it and I Feel the shift because that was a shitty fucking thing fam I'm not blaming them but I also haven't approached (person) about it and I should

I can't just delete things and assume we're fine that it's w/e

Like another thing is I don't I'm not held accountable for my actions ...ever and it is wearing down on my relationships with people and I FEEL that and I know but it's so hard for me to fess up and admit I'm wrong And that I did something wrong and when I do I feel like I'm so soft on myself or that I make other people feel bad for me

at the same time I don't want people to think I'm a POS and I tend to just like...preserve my image back away from it hope people don't think about it and that's not ok

Friend 1-Today at 9:26 PM

so what are you gonna do

hardnutslover69-Today at 9:27 PM

(again, stuff about the personal incident) And then make a general post Because of the other Thing I did which I feel like I can't just apologize for in private like with (person) I feel like that was more personal so I have to give a one on one and then add this on

the other thing which I'll explain now affects more people and wasn't targeted at anyone in particular as in like. It was me posting and putting it out there not replying to someone If that makes sense

Friend 1-Today at 9:29 PM

that makes sense

hardnutslover69-Today at 9:30 PM

alright so

I made a post last night At like two or three AM that was like me about me

I was like "I think I count as bi because I like girls and trans girls" Which I looked at like...I approached it like this/justified it like this in my head with “I'm just into feminine people, their personalities are better with my personality, and I don't really care about genitalia and shit,”

But instead of saying feminine people what I did was some tru scum shit Which implies that trans women aren't real women Because I made a distinction between "real" women and trans women Like “oh yeah they're two different sexes LOL I'm bi”

It's fucking bad And this wasn't me being like "you're only a real woman if..." it was me speaking thoughtlessly On something that like I've criticized people for before and a distinction I thought I knew not to fuckin make

but I still made the post and didn't even think about it Like only when they checked me did I reflect on it which again! Is not good!

I need to stop saying shit like this and Then I just deleted the post and deleting the post isn't enough fam but again I'm here like, do I even want to make this post?

Friend 1-Today at 9:42 PM

i saw it

hardnutslover69-Today at 9:42 PM

I'm thinking like, ok, it was early, no one saw that, only they would know and that's not right

I feel like I'm trying to cover this shit up like I'm not intentionally doing so which is why I have to make this post because if I don't I'm ?? going to keep doing this shit and I'm going to push away people that care about me and want to see me change and grown beyond what I am right now and wipe the these bad fucking thoughts from my head

It's not just an honest mistake it's transmisogynistic and I should be held accountable but I'm so freaking scared of doing that to myself like it's going to be the end of the world

Friend 2-Today at 9:49 PM

I wish I could hug you :c

Friend 1-Today at 9:53 PM

personally i think it would be worst if you didnt hold yourself accountable like you're doing now

hardnutslover69-Today at 9:53 PM

that's why I gotta make this dang post I need to get my laptop and actually like make it though I don't!!! know how exactly to write it

Friend 2-Today at 9:54 PM

like you don't know where to start or word yourself or?

hardnutslover69-Today at 9:54 PM

honestly I think I might just refine what I wrote above

and that is where we start talking about how I should go about writing this, so I’ll cut off there

I don’t think I did any actual apologizing in any of that chat, but I want it to be known that I am sorry

Not only that but also, I intend to become better at checking my own damn self, and not letting myself slide so much - the worst thing I can do is basically enable my shitty behavior by ignoring the bad things I’ve done, like

It’s so easy to cut people off and say I’m good I’m fine, but I would never want to cut off the people I know now, who have made me who I am now, who have been there for me through thick and thin, like, alienating them does nothing and patting myself on the back for bad behavior does nothing except push me further and further into, idk, the fucking abyss

deep breath

Alright, so, I don’t know how to end this, but thank you for reading this, and again, I’m sorry & I do plan on changing for the better y’all

<3

[automatismoateo]

Christianity has fucked me to hell and back (no pun intended) via /r/atheism

Submitted April 05, 2019 at 02:52PM by Aspenisbi (Via reddit http://bit.ly/2Z0AH4K) Christianity has fucked me to hell and back (no pun intended)

I'm not actually an atheist if I'm being honest, I fall more towards a spiritual/pagan agnostic. But anyways.

I live in Tennessee, right in the middle of the bible belt. There is, I shit you not, a church on every corner of every street. About 2/3 of these are southern Baptist and the rest are either Protestant, Lutheran, or Catholic. My parents aren't very religious, mostly because my mom was forced into Catholicism as a kid and my dad just fucking hates church.

My mom told me that when we first moved down here (I was 3 months old lolol) she met the neighbors who seemed nice, but when she said something like "Oh my God" she would get lectured that she "shouldnt be saying that at all, let alone around kids!" And how she took the lord's name in vain. My mom was also on a walk one day when a (fucking prick, absolute asshole) man shouted at her and said "Hey, come help me do this!" I think it was some sort of lawn work. When my mom pretty much said "I dont know who you are, fuck off" the guy came back with "Women are supposed to help do chores around the house, so come over here" to which my mom hastily left.

Now fast forward to when I'm in elementary/primary school. I know how to talk at this point, obviously, and I repeat the phrase "Oh my God" and the amount of kids who got on my ass for that is insane. I got yelled at by kids who were 6. What the fuck?? I was asked if I went to church in which I replied no, and was lectured by 6 year old on how I was going to hell if I didnt go to church and how I'd suffer if I didnt go to church. I was 6 fucking years old and not only did these kids tell me constantly I was gonna die, but that I'd eternally suffer in hell if I didnt repent? What's wrong with their parents? It got so bad I was scared to go to school and say the wrong things and I would end up getting badly bullied from what I remember. I even had parents suggest in both elementary school and middle school that I was going to hell if I didn't go to church.

Time skip to 3rd grade. I start hanging out with these girls who are HEAVILY Christian. There were about 5 girls I'm talking about here with 2 of those being in my immediate friend group at the time. We all went over to sleep at my friend's, we'll call her K, house. K and her parents are also very religious, prayer before each meal, church every Sunday no matter what kinda people. After dinner and shit we go down to the basement where we are all sleeping for the night. My two best friends at the time, A and S, were making fun of me for God knows what and K and her best friend were talking about something else. We ended up talking about Harry Potter, and K said "My mom doesn't let me read those, she says they're against Christianity." I was so confused?? I said "From what I've seen they're fine. Theres nothing remotely against God in the books" she shrugs it off and we end up talking about Christianity, and the question of "do you go to church" is brought up again. I say no again, although I did consider my self catholic at the time because my mom technically was. They end up crowding around me and telling me how terrible I am for bot going to church, how I'm going to die a horrible death and suffer for all eternity. It got to the point where they, and I'm seriously not kidding, they put a good 6 feet between me and them. I started crying obviously. It was so terrible. My friend S finally came over and gave me the whole, "I'm sorry OP, but you're our friend and we dont want you to go to hell. We cant hang out with someone who's going to hell." And this is when I made a decision to start going to church occasionally with A and S. I really tried. They even talked about baptizing me at one point, but in the end something didnt sit right.

In 6th grade I finally started to try one more time. I was 11 now and I was started to feel attraction to both girls and boys. I also didn't feel like a girl anymore, in fact I hated my feminine features and name and body. I started self harming and I was just so scared because I had researched what the LGBT community was. I saw what church goers did to these people. After maybe about 6 Wednesday sessions I stopped coming to church with them and flat out told them everything. I'm bisexual, I'm transgender, im an atheist, the whole shebang. They freaked out on me, calling me a sinner, a fake, an asshole for coming to church with them when I never meant it (which I really did, I really did try). I was heartbroken to lose my closest friends, but this was just the beginning. Word quickly spread in 7th grade, and even though I was planning on coming out in 7th grade with help of teachers, I wasnt the only person telling everyone. My old friends spread it like wildfire. Before I knew it I was sectioned off from everyone else. I recieved death threats through Instagram. These 2 kids made a Christian Instagram and tried to preach to me, and harrassed me more when I politely told them to leave me alone. I was called queer, tranny, faggot, every name in the book.

But I was free.

I was no longer held at the strings by people who couldnt think for themselves. I ended up breaking up with my girlfriend towards the end of 7th grade, which was good for both of us seeing as I was so unstable that I think I might have went too far in certain scenarios, which I profusely apologized for later on and we're now on decent regards. I dropped out of public school for online school for my 8th grade year (present) and I recently started Testosterone, which I'm almost 6 months on.

I'm finally free. And although I do get seriously triggered to the point of tears and panic attacks when I see things about the Pope, the church, etc, I can finally recover. Hearing stories in this subreddit is very important to me. I know that I'm not alone. I'm learning independence now and it's great. I'm trying to look for a job (although I must say not many places hire at 14) and I'm an A and B student again! It was scary, I did things I probably shouldnt have, but in the end I got out of it, I survived the bullying and death threats. I finally feel truly alive.